questionID
stringlengths 24
24
| questionTitle
stringlengths 16
146
⌀ | questionText
stringlengths 26
2.7k
⌀ | questionUrl
stringlengths 34
178
| topics
stringlengths 5
71
⌀ | therapistName
stringlengths 7
64
| therapistUrl
stringlengths 42
98
| answerText
stringlengths 11
224k
| upvotes
int64 0
0
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
5733fec6aaeea25a1918b682 | How can I stop worrying much? | I have a bad habit of thinking and worrying about what others may think of me. I really want to stop it and enjoy things. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-stop-worrying-much | Anxiety | Daniel Kelley-Petersen | https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen | <p>Thinking about what others think of us is a natural tendency. Human beings are social creatures and rely on feedback from the outside world of people, places, and things to let us know more about ourselves. We also have an inner voice, dialogue, conscience, etc. that helps us to determine the path for us. Often, when someone is worried about the external feedback, and focuses on this as the sole source of information, it can create a dependency that can become problematic. Balance is key to so many things in life. Your own voice is powerful and has strength to provide you the enjoyment you seek. Don't discount it and rely only on the voices of others.<br></p> | 0 |
566e53459f3a71de09b3c195 | I feel like I'm going to get fired because I cried at work. | I'm a teenager, and I just got my first job. I am a month and a half in. Yesterday, my boss pushed me to the point where I had to go to the restroom and cry. She didn't see me, and I'm glad, but when I went to talk to her about it today, I let a tear or two come out. I hate it. I feel like they're not going to keep me anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-m-going-to-get-fired-because-i-cried-at-work | Workplace Relationships,Career Counseling | Daniel Kelley-Petersen | https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen | <p>Getting your first job is an exciting, terrifying, and challenging experience. It is something you will remember for a long time and it shapes how you begin to think about yourself as a worker. You are literally "learning as you go" in this completely new environment. You are going to make mistakes. You are not going to get it right the first time. It can be even more challenging if you are having a difficult time building relationships that are supportive at work. A couple of things to remember here: 1) You are there to do a job and you are getting paid to do it, 2) There is a reason or reasons for you wanting to be there and do that work, 3) you know best what you need in order to be successful. These three items can be helpful to remember, especially when we feel our emotions are taking over in a place where we do not feel safe to express them fully. If you feel like your supervisor is approachable, meaning someone you could talk to because they express confidence in you, let them know you are nervous about doing a good job. Also let them know how you learn new tasks, information, or expectations so they can deliver the message in a way that you understand. Becoming a successful worker doesn't happen overnight, but each day you can identify what works for you and what doesn't by communicating with your work team, the easier it will be for you. We all had a first job once, and were all worried about doing well. Hang in there, and call a counselor if you need more help.<br></p> | 0 |
5731753eaaeea25a1918b5fa | How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again? | My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-and-depression-so-i-can-feel-normal-again | Anxiety,Depression | Shari Pescatore | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shari-pescatore | <p>It is challenging to maintain motivation at all times, anxiety and depression can set in which can make interacting with others a struggle, it can lead us to do things that make us not feel good and we become isolated. This ends up feeding into a cycle that maintains the anxiety/depression loop and can be really challenging to step out of it. You are in a place of awareness and this is the first step in making changes that can help you feel better. It is really one step at a time, a concrete plan, with self-compassion to build the solid ground you need to come out of this. <a href="http://www.empoweryou2.com">http://www.empoweryou2.com</a></p> | 0 |
5733c765aaeea25a1918b670 | Why do I feel so lonely when I have friends and attention? | I live a normal life. I have tons of friends and family, but I feel lonely. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-so-lonely-when-i-have-friends-and-attention | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>This may be happening because you and the others are not connected to each other on a level which reaches your emotions.</p><p>Loneliness may show the absence of feeling a variety of emotions when you are among others.</p><p>How many friends you have doesn't affect whether you and someone else feel emotionally engaged with one another.</p><p>Consider if you feel like concentrating your friendship on more intensively sharing your feelings with a few of your friends.</p><p>This may lead to fewer friends who are also more meaningful to you and your feeling a decrease of loneliness.</p> | 0 |
57329f7faaeea25a1918b652 | How can I manage my anxiety? | I have twin toddlers. I experienced a death of loved one prior to giving birth. I had a horrible break up with the father. People told him he was using me for money. My ex-boyfriend had extreme meltdowns every day for three years. I’m always alone with no friends. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-2 | Anxiety,Depression | Daniel Kelley-Petersen | https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen | <p>First, let me say that you are a survivor and a warrior. Managing 1 child by yourself is difficult, but twins is a whole different ballgame. Anxiety can affect us at any time anywhere. This is the challenge, especially when we have so many things to manage each day. There are several methods and practices that help manage and even reduce symptoms of anxiety. It will depend on what works best for you. Talk with friends, a counselor, or a loved one who can offer you support and feedback as you navigate this process of learning what works for you. When all else fails; make sure you are in a safe place, pause for a deep, cleansing breath in, a long exhale out, and ask yourself, "What do I want in this moment?" Now you can begin again.<br></p> | 0 |
57315167aaeea25a1918b5f0 | I think my daughter is stressing too much. | When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-my-daughter-is-stressing-too-much | Stress,Parenting | Daniel Kelley-Petersen | https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen | <p>Watching children go through challenges in their lives is difficult. On a very basic level, There exists a primal need to protect them from harm. The hard part for parents is letting them feel those challenges and working through them as they get older. At some point, there is a moment that occurs when the role as a parent shifts. Children no longer need the basics (food, shelter. water, safety) as much as when they were toddlers, but rather, their needs shift to wanting more support, encouragement, advice, and room to make mistakes. This is where the ability to communicate with them, letting them direct the sails to gather the wind needed to move, is so important. Keep the lines of communication open and be available to give feedback when they ask for it. <br></p> | 0 |
57170d75923aed67440ab55d | Why do I always feel like I'm being watched? | I often get the feeling that I'm being watched, like video cameras are hidden wherever I am, even at home. I feel like people can see all that I do and are reading my thoughts. Things I read or hear on the radio seem to be about (or meant for) me, and people are talking about me when they whisper. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-feel-like-i-m-being-watched | Anxiety | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed with worry about being continuously monitored, with no privacy even in your own mind, and as if people are constantly saying things about you in whispers on in the media. It's hard to say from a post online what is at the root of this experience, but you may be able to get insight into that, as well as develop ways of coping with the distress of feeling this way, with the help of a good therapist. There is no pill or technique that can guarantee that this experience will go away, though it might, however, there are things that you can do so that you can understand it better and so that it does not have such an impact on your ability to lead a satisfy life.<br><p><br></p> | 0 |
56f2622a466e9f5456bb48a3 | I feel like my life is pointless. | I have absolutely nothing to do with my life but lay in bed on my phone or hangout with my one friend. I don't have a job, my family doesn't include me in anything, and I don't have many friends. I have nothing to do besides go on my phone. I miss talking to people in person instead of online. I don't even talk to my family in person even from the other room. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-my-life-is-pointless | Depression | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | It sounds like you are feeling pretty stuck, lonely, and hopeless; like you have a desire to be more connected to people and to find purpose in life, but are not sure what to do. I am glad to hear that you have at least one friend and I think it is great that you are reaching out for more connection. If you can, working with a therapist who is competent in treating depression may be a huge benefit to you and help you to regain a sense of meaning, motivation, and connection. Additionally, anything you can do to give yourself a little break from the feeling of pointlessness and any ruminating thoughts you may be having may be of help. I know it may sound pointless in the moment, and you may feel a great deal of inertia in doing so, but you may find that if you force yourself to do something small that is pleasurable, like taking a walk for example, there's a good chance you will be glad that you did so after the fact. Thank you for reaching out.<br> | 0 |
5733b278aaeea25a1918b66e | Is it strange that a male family member always want to play with my toddler daughter? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-strange-that-a-male-family-member-always-want-to-play-with-my-toddler-daughter | Family Conflict,Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Without knowing the male family member's reason for always wanting to play with your toddler, yes, it is strange.</p><p>Find out if the person has a reason for his preference and what this is.</p><p>Are they studying child development in school and observing your toddler in order to write a paper?</p><p>Is your male family member very shy or doesn't care for the other people in the household and plays with your toddler as a way to avoid this?</p><p>You don't have to ask this one, simply observe and add this to what you already know about the person.</p><p>If no clear and respectable reason exists for your male family member's preference to play with your toddler, then I would definitely not allow the two of them to be alone together.</p> | 0 |
57339f2caaeea25a1918b66b | Might I have depression? | I sleep a lot. Music changes my mood. I cry every Wednesday. My mind is like a maze that even I get lost in. I don't usually feel my true emotions, but instead, I get fake mirrored ones. | https://counselchat.com/questions/might-i-have-depression | Depression | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>What happens in your life on Wednesdays that you feel like crying? Crying is natural. Crying on Wednesdays may also be natural if some type of regular event or situation comes up for you then that you don't like, feel oppressed by and have no way of avoiding.</p><p>Maybe you would qualify for a diagnosis for depression.</p><p>This matters less than what you will do with a diagnosis. </p><p>Very often people feel some type of relief from hearing a professional tell them what they "have".</p><p>Don't let yourself get talked into taking pills because now you "have something". </p><p>Pills change your mood.</p><p>Only you can change your life.</p><p>The diagnosis matters so the therapist gets paid from insurance.</p><p>It is a good sign that you know whether you feel true emotions or fake ones. This is a clear sign of knowing about yourself.</p><p>Your mind feeling like a "maze" is a little too vague to know if you mean there are too many thoughts at once so that you have difficulty knowing which ones to examine first, or if "maze" means you don't know what your thoughts are and feel lost for this reason.</p><p>Depression which is addressed by a person can become quite liberating because you will remove what bothers you so much in your life that it weighs you down and depresses you.</p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
573247a2aaeea25a1918b649 | How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents? | I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-bring-up-my-possible-depression-to-my-parents | Depression | Shari Pescatore | https://counselchat.com/therapists/shari-pescatore | <p>Depending on your relationship with your parents, inviting them to have a conversation might be a good first step. If they consent then you can have the opportunity to discuss your concerns with them. Inviting someone to a conversation and getting their agreement is a great first step. I would then make sure your location of the discussion is conducive to the conversation and once all that is considered it might be beneficial that you make a list of your concerns prior to the meeting. this can help keep you on point. </p> | 0 |
57329f65aaeea25a1918b650 | Should I move on from my ex-husband? | My husband and I are separated. He says he needs some time apart. He says he needs to get back the “in love” part of a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me. Should I wait or start over new? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-move-on-from-my-ex-husband | Relationship Dissolution | Gina Guddat | https://counselchat.com/therapists/gina-guddat | <p>It's not uncommon for relationships to go cold over time. It is a matter of one or the other becoming complacent. If you and your husband have been together for quite some time it's likely that you are very comfortable and familiar with each other. While this is a good thing in some ways, it can also become boring and you run the risk of losing that "in love" feeling he is referring to. Couples simply become ambivalent. </p><p>For some of the couples I work with in my practice, I find that helping to organize a time apart, which I call a "Therapeutic Separation" can do wonders for the relationship. I offer homework to be done during this time. Reading, worksheets and individual counseling helps people learn more about themselves and what they desire out of their relationship. It often times brings more appreciation for their partners. When the pair comes back together, we are able to push the reset button and begin a new chapter that is more fulfilling and exciting than before. <br></p> | 0 |
572e9afbaaeea25a1918b560 | How can I move forward from my boyfriend leaving me with no explanation? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-move-forward-from-my-boyfriend-leaving-me-with-no-explanation | Relationship Dissolution | Gina Guddat | https://counselchat.com/therapists/gina-guddat | <p>Yes! You can move on from a relationship that ends abruptly with no explanation. One way you can do this is by creating your own narrative around what happened. Chances are, you were not fully getting what you wanted out of the relationship either. He just happened to be the one that called it quits first. Start by sitting down with a journal and summarizing the time line of the relationship. Include both the good and bad, the ups and downs. When you get to the finale of your story, you create the ending. Do not frame yourself as the victim. Think about what was most likely going on in his head. Usually there are clues that we might not see clearly until after the fact. Write about what you learned from the relationship and the positive growth you experienced. Be thankful that you were released from continuing any further with someone who was not meant to be your long-term partner but express gratefulness for the season and all you learned.<br></p> | 0 |
566e53459f3a71de09b3c195 | I feel like I'm going to get fired because I cried at work. | I'm a teenager, and I just got my first job. I am a month and a half in. Yesterday, my boss pushed me to the point where I had to go to the restroom and cry. She didn't see me, and I'm glad, but when I went to talk to her about it today, I let a tear or two come out. I hate it. I feel like they're not going to keep me anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-m-going-to-get-fired-because-i-cried-at-work | Workplace Relationships,Career Counseling | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>How sad for you!</p><p>I'm sorry your first job is turning into a place of tension.</p><p>Did the matter between you and your boss get resolved?</p><p>Do you feel respected by your boss and does she listen to your point of view, even if afterwards, she disagrees?</p><p>Keep an open mind over the next several weeks or few months on how you feel in your new work situation.</p><p>Expect to be treated fairly and reasonably.</p><p>If this is not the way you feel most of the time, then consider finding a new place to work.</p> | 0 |
57315167aaeea25a1918b5f0 | I think my daughter is stressing too much. | When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-my-daughter-is-stressing-too-much | Stress,Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I agree with your observation about your daughter feeling stressed. </p><p>Are you able to open this topic in conversation with her?</p><p>Also, reflect on your own expectations as a parent. </p><p>It is possible that your daughter is trying to please you by getting consistently high grades.</p><p>If your daughter prefers talking in confidence to a therapist, then this may help her regain a sense of balance in her life so that schoolwork feels less stressful.</p><p>I wouldn't take her to a doctor because based on what you write, the problem is psychological and emotionally based. While the stress may have physical symptoms, addressing the root cause of the problem has nothing to do directly with something being physically wrong with your daughter.</p><p>Unless there is some other medical or physical problem that would explain your daughter's sense of stress, I'd start first by bringing your areas of concern to your daughter, then possibly to a therapist. </p> | 0 |
573247a2aaeea25a1918b649 | How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents? | I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-bring-up-my-possible-depression-to-my-parents | Depression | Traci Lowenthal | https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2 | <p>I am so sorry you are struggling! I do think it's a good idea to share your feelings with your parents and perhaps get some help connecting with a counselor or therapist if you feel that might help. There are lots of ways to tell them, depending on your relationship. Maybe saying "I wanted to tell you guys something.. sometimes I worry that I might be depressed." Or, some folks will write a letter, or even send a text. The most important thing is that you tell someone you trust so you don't feel so miserable. I hope this helps. Best of luck. </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5727b4c1f90871f676cf47f5 | How can I deal with gender dysphoria in a positive way? | I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it.
My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-gender-dysphoria-in-a-positive-way | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Traci Lowenthal | https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2 | <p>Hi! I am so glad you're reaching out! Sounds like you have some solid support in some areas of your life but are still dealing with some difficult dysphoria. I think it can depend on what kind of dysphoria you have - sometimes it's physical, social or mental. Sometimes physical dysphoria means less time around mirrors or plans to make showering less stressful (music, audio books, distraction). Sometimes online support networks can be a great source of ideas in this way (for social and mental dysphoria as well). Some of my clients do things that help them feel better in their bodies that don't require anyone to know (hair removal, binders, packing, hormones,) and other things. I recommend stopping by a website called Conversations with a Gender Therapist. There are some awesome videos there that might help you! I hope this helps some! Don't forget to try to connect with other trans folks (even online) - it can be a great relief to know you're not alone in how you're feeling! Best of luck!!</p> | 0 |
57393a564eb3dd523a6db444 | What should I do about my stress before track meets? | I am on the track and softball team. My school is small, so I play all four sports it offers. I feel obligated to do track because I'm not a horrible runner, and my dad wants me to. The catch is is that the days before a track meet and the morning of, I get sick and cry. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-stress-before-track-meets | Anxiety | Amy Nolan | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-nolan | <p>It sounds like you are no longer committed to track emotionally. It can be hard to talk to your dad about this, but he may think you love track and may not know you are getting so upset the days of meets. An idea would be to first write a letter to your dad to see what feelings come out and then preparing to speak with him. I think he will appreciate your honesty and maybe this conversation will bring you relief and also time to find something you really will enjoy. </p> | 0 |
5737edb24eb3dd523a6db43a | How do I stop feeling jealous in my relationship? | My boyfriend and I have been going out for about a year. I suddenly find myself jealous when I see him talking to other girls. I have never been this way before. I don't like these feelings. He said that my jealousy would cause our relationship to have problems. I told him I can't help these feelings. I don't know where they are coming from, but this is how I feel, I tried to stop, but I can't. I really like this guy, but I'm afraid that I'm messing up the relationship. It's just stupid. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-feeling-jealous-in-my-relationship | Relationships,Intimacy | Amy Nolan | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-nolan | <p>Trust is at the top of what makes a healthy relationship. It sounds like you may benefit from personal counseling to explore where this jealousy comes from and what keeps you from having complete trust in your boyfriend. This is not stupid, this is your mind telling you that there is something that needs to be worked through. Sometimes we need to talk to someone like a counselor who is disconnected from our life to understand our feelings and what they mean in our relationships.</p> | 0 |
5737ce55aaeea25a1918b6e7 | How do I get over my anxiety of talking to new people? | I'm socially awkward. I've always want to be popular. I've had the opportunity to be popular, but every time I get i,t I'm too scared. All I have to do is talk the popular people. They're really nice to me, but I'm too scared of change. I really want to work up the courage to lose my fear. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-over-my-anxiety-of-talking-to-new-people | Anxiety,Social Relationships | Amy Nolan | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-nolan | <p>Change can be uncomfortable, but sometimes those uncomfortable moments are the opportunity for us to be the person we feel we really are. It sounds like you like to spend the time in your head anticipating the worst, why not be in the present and encourage yourself that you can talk to people and it will be okay. By telling yourself it will not be okay, or that it will go wrong you are hurting your confidence to do what you want. Give yourself some credit for being awesome and tell yourself you can build new friendships...it may be the motivation you need to move past this fear.</p> | 0 |
57382f404eb3dd523a6db43e | I'm starting to believe that I'm gay | In middle school and high school, my friends and family thought I was gay. I tried telling them, but they wouldn’t believe me. It almost feels like they wanted me to be. Now I’m actually starting to believe them. I know I wasn’t back then, and now I’m not sure anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-starting-to-believe-that-i-m-gay | LGBTQ | Amy Nolan | https://counselchat.com/therapists/amy-nolan | <p>Use this time to explore who you are...imagine what your life would be like if you were gay and not, ask yourself what is different? What scenario do you find yourself gravitating to? What is important is that you are happy. My message to you is that you do not need to define yourself with your sexual preference or feel the need to label yourself, especially if you are confused and exploring what your sexual preference is. </p> | 0 |
5738e8cc4eb3dd523a6db442 | How should we punish our son for peeing his pants because of laziness? | He is an adolescent. He has peed his pant multiple times over the last few years, all at times when he is too wrapped up in a video game or video. We have taken away games and videos for long periods of time as punishment, but after a few months of having then back, he pees his pants again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-we-punish-our-son-for-peeing-his-pants-because-of-laziness | Parenting | Barika Grayson LMHC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/barika-grayson-lmhc-ncc | From a behavioral standpoint you should refrain from punishing your son. Instead of utilizing punishment when he wets himself provide contingencies prior to any accidents. Sit down with your son and discuss the importance of utilizing the bathroom and responsibilities and inform him that if he chooses to wet his pants that his video games will not be available for use for him the next day(or your designated realistic time frame). <div><br></div><div> This way if an accident occurs, no heated words have to be exchanged because you have already laid the ground work. Also allow him to clean up himself. Gather cleaning supplies and and oversee cleaning operations without ridicule or negative feedback. <div><br></div><div>Since you have stated that you have an adolescent who is experiencing enuresis, you may want to check with your PCP and a licensed professional for underlying diagnosis that can be treated. You can also call a local behavioral analyst.</div></div> | 0 |
5738e8cc4eb3dd523a6db442 | How should we punish our son for peeing his pants because of laziness? | He is an adolescent. He has peed his pant multiple times over the last few years, all at times when he is too wrapped up in a video game or video. We have taken away games and videos for long periods of time as punishment, but after a few months of having then back, he pees his pants again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-should-we-punish-our-son-for-peeing-his-pants-because-of-laziness | Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Sounds as though your son is "pissed off" about something.</p><p>Punishment will most likely result in more of the same, not less of the peeing you would like to stop from happening.</p><p>"Laziness" is more of a social judgement than it is a characteristic of its own merit.</p><p>Is this your description of your son or his description of himself?</p><p>First step always before addressing any of the family dynamics, emotions, and psychology of the people involved, is a medical rule out as to why your son pees at times he plays video games.<br></p><p>If he has medical clearance that there is no physiological problem, then talk with your son on his opinions as to why he pees, if he is aware of the urge to pee and ignores it, or that his attention gets so absorbed he doesn't notice the urge to pee.</p><p>See what modifications you can create by cooperating with your son.</p><p>Maybe it is as simple as each two hours, he sets a timer and when it goes off, he takes a bathroom break.</p> | 0 |
57393a564eb3dd523a6db444 | What should I do about my stress before track meets? | I am on the track and softball team. My school is small, so I play all four sports it offers. I feel obligated to do track because I'm not a horrible runner, and my dad wants me to. The catch is is that the days before a track meet and the morning of, I get sick and cry. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-stress-before-track-meets | Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Does anyone notice that you get sick and cry on track meet days?</p><p>Have you told anyone?</p><p>From what you write, as much as you would like to please your school and dad, something within you doesn't quite want to fully follow through.</p><p>Step one in life always is to know what you want and what your limits are. It already is difficult to avoid listening to your body.</p><p>Try understanding what is difficult in telling your father that you'd like doing as he wishes, only are not able to do so because you are emotionally and physically distraught on the days you have track.</p><p>After finishing the season for this year with your school's track team, then expect to concentrate on taking care of your own need to not do track.</p><p>Hopefully your father will understand and care about your problem. If he does not and track is more important than your well being, then you have a different problem entirely.</p> | 0 |
5738dd574eb3dd523a6db440 | How do I start taking initiative in my relationship? | I don't speak up if I'm uncomfortable and hardly ever make plans for us when we hang out. He is a very open and straightforward person, so he is getting upset with me for my lack of proper communication. We've been together two years and have identified this as our main problem. Arguments have arised from this single issue many times. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-start-taking-initiative-in-my-relationship | Behavioral Change,Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Do you know what you're afraid may happen if you do speak up?</p><p>Usually people don't talk freely because they feel afraid to do so. Sometimes the fear of being rejected by the other, of being criticized or judged by the other person, or that what you will say stirs anger in the other person.</p><p>If you are able to know what your particular reason is for not talking, then maybe you and your partner can talk about what makes talking easy or hard.</p><p>Also, since speaking up is new for you, then ask your partner to be patient while you learn to do so. Everyone does better at learning new skills when they feel supported and welcomed.</p> | 0 |
573a0c74dc68e0c40704b147 | How do I help my husband get over his drinking addiction? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-help-my-husband-get-over-his-drinking-addiction | Addiction | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>By being truthful with him about how his drinking affects you.</p><p>People who are addicted to a substance, have tremendous emotional pain they are covering up. The only action someone who would like to help, can do, is to be truthful when loving the person.</p><p>Show your love and express your own wishes on what you'd like from him. </p><p>This may encourage him to try loving you back instead of drinking to feel better about himself.</p><p>It also may not since addictions are the result of behavior patterns set very early in life.</p><p>My best advice is to stay clear that your love is no guarantee he will want to look at his deep emotional pain, clean it out and be open to loving you and to stop harming himself with excess alcohol.</p><p>Keep in mind that his problem of great emotional pain, can only be solved by him. Try not to get lost into offering more help than he is able to utilize.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5727b4c1f90871f676cf47f5 | How can I deal with gender dysphoria in a positive way? | I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it.
My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-gender-dysphoria-in-a-positive-way | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Lisette Lahana | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisette-lahana | <p>This is a difficult situation to be in, as it sounds like you are feeling very isolated from both your family and your friends. I don't know your age or gender so please excuse any incorrect assumptions about you being under 18 and use what is useful from the ideas if you are older. One idea is to research online to find a therapist or a local clinic that has a therapist who is a "Gender Therapist" or a "Gender Specialist." Most therapists who are transgender affirmative also have other specialties and do general therapy. Though I don't think lying to your parents is a good idea, if you feel you truly can't talk to them about your gender, then perhaps you can find a therapist with a specialization in gender identity who can help you cope with your gender dysphoria. You can let your parents know that you would like to see that particular therapist for other reasons, such as anxiety/worry, and that you researched them and liked their website. Work to find a therapist who takes your parents insurance if you can. You can also talk to the therapist on the phone first, before you talk to your parents about scheduling the first therapy visit. Therapists can help you learn some ways to manage feelings of worry, shame, and fear related to gender dysphoria. Depending on your family situation, many therapists will work to help you learn skills to safely communicate with your parents about what is troubling you. Your parents may actually surprise you and be more accepting than you think. Usually when parents learn that you are suffering, they want to be open to learning how they can help you, even if awkwardly at first.<br></p><p>Reframing is a tool that helps you think about your situation from other perspectives. It's kind of how you can look at the same picture with a different picture frame and it makes the same picture look a little different. Keep in mind your situation is probably temporary and think about in the context of your whole long life (can you tolerate another 2 to 4 years living like you are if you have another X number of years to live?). If you are living at home, you will eventually be more independent and be able to make more of your decisions about your gender expression. Keep the idea in mind the concept that is popular in mindfulness classes I teach, that "This too shall pass" or "This is only for now" when you start to feel hopeless. If you start to over focus on your gender or body issues, try to distract yourself with things that make you feel happy (your pet, music, art, sports etc) or stay busy. <br></p><p>If you can, find any GSA or LGBTIQQ youth group that you can attend confidentially, further away from home, to get some support. Work to find an ally, one person, that you can talk to about what you are feeling. Making new friends online through social media can sometimes be a start in breaking down the isolation you feel. <br></p><p>Another idea, if you are under 24 years old, there is a phone line (866-488-7386) to call in case you are ever feeling you are in crisis. You can also text chat! Trevor Project: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/</p><p>There is also a trans teen online chat group if you are 12-19 http://www.glbthotline.org/transteens.html</p><p>If you are an adult you can get numbers to call in your state if you start to feel suicidal:http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/</p><p><br></p><p>Day to day, can you creatively work on your gender dysphoria? Yes! Are there ways you can focus on parts of your body you love? Can you focus on that when you look in the mirror? Are you a writer? Can you write stories or poetry about the life you imagine for yourself in the future? Can you do small things that help you get more in touch with your gender day to day like making small choices about your clothing, like wearing clothes that are more unisex, that only you know are gender related but others won't notice? You cannot force others to accept you but you can work on your self-acceptance and self-compassion. That work is something that is best done in the company of others like you as well as with at least another person who gets you and whom you can trust. Good luck to you! </p> | 0 |
5714391d703efcb72f718981 | How do I trust others? | I'm having problems shutting them out and putting up walls. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-trust-others | Social Relationships | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | It sounds like you would like to let other people get close to you and at the same time you are finding yourself compelled to keep people at a distance. Often times, when we have difficulty trusting others, it is because we have specific fears about what would happen if we get close or let our guard down. Such fears may be rooted in past experiences in relationships in which we were hurt and or disappointed. In working with a therapist, you can gain insight into what is underneath your compulsion to put walls around yourself and develop ways to form authentic, lasting, satisfying relationships with others.<br><p><br></p> | 0 |
573247a2aaeea25a1918b649 | How can I bring up my possible depression to my parents? | I am not sure if I am depressed. I don't know how to bring it up to my parents, and that makes me miserable. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-bring-up-my-possible-depression-to-my-parents | Depression | Tanairy Fernandez, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tanairy-fernandez-lmhc | <p><font color="#000000" face="Open Sans, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif" style="font-size: small; line-height: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">You are not alone, many people fear opening up to family members about the topic of depression or mental illness. There are many different reason why some may fear telling their parents. The most common thoughts I hear in my office are: " My parents won't understand me", I may cause more problems to the family", "I am worried that something bad may happen if I tell them". </span></font></p><div><div><br></div><div>If possible express your current concerns and worries to your parents. You can start the conversation with your parents by saying "I have not been feeling like myself lately, and I may want to see a counselor". </div><div><br></div><div>I think you are doing the right thing by going on this website and asking for help. Just a helpful tip: positive self-talk can be beneficial before having difficult conversations with others. For example, tell yourself something positive before talking to your parents such as "I feel confident in myself, and I am doing this to overcome my fear of talking to my parents" can help to decrease the anxiety you are feeling leading up to the conversation. </div><div><br></div><div>I would recommend if you are feeling depressed or down it would be beneficial to seek counseling to understand your current thoughts and behaviors. Best of luck and hope you decide to start counseling. </div></div> | 0 |
571d5602eba13fca346971c6 | Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety? | I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-about-my-depression-and-anxiety | Anxiety,Depression | Tanairy Fernandez, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/tanairy-fernandez-lmhc | <p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Thank you for asking this important question. I find that there are three steps to getting ready for treatment. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Step one is expressing interest in wanting to receiving treatment for the outcome of positive behavioral change. Congratulations you did the first step! You are showing your readiness to start counseling by asking this question. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">Now the second step is to find a counselor who specializes in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression. The therapeutic orientations I have found to be helpful in treating clients with Anxiety and Depression are a combination of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Mindfulness, and Solution Focused Brief Therapy. Receiving meditation for your symptoms if part of the treatment, and the other part is receiving counseling to increase your resilience for future events. </span><span style="font-family: Arial; white-space: pre-wrap;">Research has found that medication and psychotherapy treatments together shows the most effective outcome for Depression. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">The third step is to increase your positive self-talk to motivate yourself to attend treatment. As counselors, we are aware of the anxieties and fears that are associated with talking to a new professional for the first time. However, remind yourself that you are doing this to improve your well being. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height:1.7142857142857142;margin-top:0pt;margin-bottom:8pt;"><span style="font-size:14px;font-family:Arial;color:#000000;background-color:transparent;font-weight:400;font-style:normal;font-variant:normal;text-decoration:none;vertical-align:baseline;white-space:pre-wrap;">I hope this was helpful, and good luck with your treatment journey. </span></p> | 0 |
573fb0d0647a15e353c46ad8 | How can I get back to being the person I truly am? | I feel like I am not at a good state of mind. I'm very unsettled in my soul. I'm not happy with myself or the decisions I make, which makes me not happy with anyone else. I feel like a failure most of my days. I don't feel like I'm good at anything anymore. I feel like less of a person. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-back-to-being-the-person-i-truly-am | Depression | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">It seems like you may be experiencing depression symptoms, they could be the triggered by unexpected life changes, or building up throughout time.</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">The important part is that you have identified them and wanting to change them. The first step is to establish a </span>self-care<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"> routine that will help you to feel centered and motivated: go for walks, or make any physical activity that you enjoy ( be kind to yourself, anything helps at this point), eat balanced, add whole grains and fibers to your diet, make a point to rest at night and avoid naps, practice a hobby that you love, or look for a new one that you are curious about. You mentioned that you feel unsettled in your soul: explore your spirituality, meditate about what makes your soul at peace, and find ways to practice that or surround yourself by those activities.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">If you find it difficult to begin, talk to your therapist to identify roadblocks and ways to find motivation. Suicidal and homicidal thoughts are common but serious depression symptoms, discuss them with your therapist, contact your doctor or psychiatrist, and call 9-1-1 if its and emergency.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Once you feel stable, you can focus on exploring the source of the problem and see if you need to make changes or learn coping skills that will help you manage it. It will also be a good time to explore your spirituality and your purpose in life, that may help you to feel better </span>with<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"> yourself and then happier around others.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:
11.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#2E74B5;
mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo volver a ser la persona que realmente soy?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:
"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;mso-themeshade:
128">Siento que m</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:
107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;
mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">i mente no está bien. My espíritu está intranquilo. No me siento feliz con las decisiones que tomo, lo cual me hace infeliz con los demás. Me siento como un fracaso la mayoría del tiempo. Siento que ya no soy bueno para nada. Siento que soy menos que los demás.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Al parecer estas experimentando síntomas de depresión, la cual puede ser causada por cambios recientes en tu vida o estarse acumulando a través del tiempo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Lo importante en este momento es que tú reconoces los síntomas y estas buscando cambiar la situación. El primer paso sería trabajar en restablecer una rutina de cuidado personal que te ayude a sentirte emocionalmente estable y motivado: Sal a caminar o hacer alguna actividad física(ten compasión contigo mismo, cualquier cosa funciona para comenzar), comienza a comer balanceado, especialmente granos y fibras integrales, , procura descansar en las noches y evita las siestas, y practica algún tipo de actividad que hayas disfrutado en el pasado o que te de curiosidad. Mencionaste que tu espíritu esta intranquilo, explora tu espiritualidad, y que te ayudaría a encontrar la paz, busca la manera de hacer esa práctica una rutina.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Si te cuesta mucho trabajo iniciar estas actividades, será bueno buscar a un consejero para que te ayude a identificar formas de estar motivado o obstáculos que te estén deteniendo. Es común tener pensamientos que atentan en contra de tu vida o la de otros, discútelos con tu terapeuta, con tu medico primario o psiquiatra, y llama al 9-1-1 si es una emergencia. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Ya que consigas estabilidad, puedes comenzar a trabajar o explorar la causa del problema y ver si hay cambios mayores que debes hacer o destrezas que debes aprender para manejar el mismo. También es un buen momento para explorar tu espiritualidad mas profundamente y tu propósito en la vida, cuando encontramos un propósito y como ejercerlo, tendemos a ser más felices con nosotros mismos y con los demás. </span></p> | 0 |
5741c33dc792dd6c7063e3b3 | Should I feel guilty if my adult daughter cannot afford to go on a family vacation? | I have four children. One of them is in her 20s, and she cannot afford to go, nor can I pay for her. She went last year for two weeks by herself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-feel-guilty-if-my-adult-daughter-cannot-afford-to-go-on-a-family-vacation | Family Conflict,Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Of what do you feel you'd be guilty?</p><p>Family vacations are not a basic human right to existence. They are fun, ideally. </p><p>You're not violating a basic human right. You wrote that you don't have enough money to pay for her to come along.</p><p>You may find yourself feeling more guilty toward yourself if you give more than you reasonably can afford to give.</p><p>My suggestion is to tell your daughter your reason for not taking her along. Maybe this will open more dialogue between the two of you.</p> | 0 |
574130e6c792dd6c7063e3aa | How can I free myself from my narcissistic, codependent, ill mother? | I'm in my mid-twenties now, and my boyfriend of seven years and I want to start a life. My mother is 100% codependent on me and is extremely manipulative. She suffers from type 1 diabetes, which she uses to guilt me if I ever leave her. The problem is that I will feel guilty. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-free-myself-from-my-narcissistic-codependent-ill-mother | Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Focus more on your own life and less on the very heavy descriptors you wrote to describe your mom.</p><p>All the words you wrote represent psychological conditions which are either lifelong or take a lot of motivation and effort to change.</p><p>Since the only person who can change how your mom handles her life, is your mom, and you are the only one who can do the same for yourself, devote more energy and time to living your own life fully, despite the emotions you feel regarding her.</p> | 0 |
573fdc53647a15e353c46adf | Why do I always feel anxious? | It's especially bad at night time. I am scared of sleeping alone. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-feel-anxious | Sleep Improvement,Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Being able to know you feel anxiety and write about it, is the first step to addressing and handling it!</p><p>Generally, anxiety is deep fear of not being able to handle what comes up in life. <br></p><p> Somehow the person was insufficiently nurtured and so felt insecure when very young.</p><p>Usually the person had to fend on at least a psychological and emotional level for themselves before reaching an age when doing so would have been reasonable.</p><p>Their inner feeling of overwhelmed from when very young, hasn't faced the reality that the grown person is now capable, even if this takes some practice. </p><p>Try asking yourself what you are afraid of and theorize how you would handle these situations as a grown person.</p><p>Also, sometimes anxiety comes from feeling lonely. This loneliness is reminiscent of the loneliness that the grown person now, felt when being left to take care of situations as a child which were too difficult and complex for any child to address.</p> | 0 |
572d13e2aaeea25a1918b538 | Is there anything I can do to help my siblings escape our emotionally abusive father? | I'm in college currently, so I am not a direct victim anymore. My father is very abusive with his words and actions, and my siblings are getting treated horribly. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-to-help-my-siblings-escape-our-emotionally-abusive-father | Family Conflict,Domestic Violence | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif""="">Yes you can help! Emotional and verbal abuse can cause a negative impact in your family. It is important that you encourage your siblings to seek assistance with a therapist, and maybe help them find one, they should have school counselors available and if not our college counselor may help you to get referrals. It’s also a good idea to talk to your mom about the issue and ask her if she would like help as well. If you are concerned about your siblings' safety, contact Family Protective Services in your state, they will investigate and refer your father to classes or therapy as needed. It takes courage to do the right thing, you can do this!</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: normal; font-size: 16pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 78, 121);">¿Hay algo que pueda hacer para ayudar a mis herma</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: normal; font-size: 16pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(31, 78, 121);">nos a escapar de nuestro emocionalmente abusivo padre?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(118, 113, 113); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;">Actualmente estoy en la universidad, así que no soy victima directamente. Mi padre es muy abusivo con sus palabras y acciones, y trata a mis hermanos horriblemente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; color: inherit;">¡Tu si puedes ayudar! El abuso emocional y verbal puede causar daños graves en la familia. Es importante que motives a tus hermanos a visitar e incluso encontrar a un terapista, la escuela debe tener uno disponible, y también puedes pedirle referidos a tu Consejero universitario. También es buena idea que hables con tu mama al respecto y le preguntes si a ella le gustaría buscar ayuda. Si te preocupa la seguridad de tus hermanos, contacta a el Departamento de Protección a la Familia en tu estado para reportar el abuso. Ellos investigaran y determinaran si el hogar es un ambiente seguro par tus hermanos y recomendaran terapia o clases para tu papa. Hay que ser valiente para hacer lo correcto, ¡tú puedes hacerlo!</span></p></h1> | 0 |
572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed | My sister and my husband had an affair. | It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair | Family Conflict,Marriage | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>First thing that you must realize is that most people only post the "best parts" of their lives on Facebook, some people even go so far as to make their lives seem better or more interesting and post mostly false views of their life. Facebook is watered down, candied version of our life, you put on there only what you want people to see. The questions you should ask is "How have I grown from this?", Is my marriage currently in a good place? I really wish there was some form of magic that could be performed to solve peoples issues and help them sort out their emotions and troubles, however there is not, the closest we can get is by using {time and insight} to heal our wounds.<br></p> | 0 |
57413bd7c792dd6c7063e3ac | How do I get rid of my nightmares? | I have been having horrendous nightmares this whole month. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-rid-of-my-nightmares | Sleep Improvement | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Are you facing any type of overwhelming situation in your waking life?</p><p>Dreams and nightmares are the non-logical ways in which we make emotional sense of what goes on in our everyday waking world.</p><p>Besides having some type of relaxing bedtime routine to set a peaceful mood for your sleep, and avoiding viewing violent films and video games as entertainment, maybe even avoiding news stories which sometimes have similar themes of violence, the content of our dreams and nightmares is out of our direct control.</p><p>Your nightmares may offer useful clues as to what you're trying to resolve in your life. </p><p>Pay attention to the story of your nightmare because it reflects how you feel in waking life.</p><p>If you feel helpless and silenced in your nightmare, or taken advantage of, or whatever dreadful situation goes on during your nightmare, then look for where in waking life, you may feel similar.</p><p>In this way, you'll become clearer about stressors in your life that you may not have realized existed were it not for the stress of nightmares.</p> | 0 |
5664c2030901991a77b20889 | My husband seems to be changing, and I feel angry and hurt. | My husband took a job out of state for the next year and seems to be a different person. Before, he worked and slept, and on off days, he'd stay home because he didn't want to do anything else. Now he's going out with friends several nights a week while I'm still home working a 50 hours a week job and taking care of two kids by myself. He's suddenly saying he misses me and wants me to be his adored wife, but the whole time, I'm remembering how I've been emotionally starving for the last five years. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-seems-to-be-changing-and-i-feel-angry-and-hurt | Marriage | Peggy Phipps, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/peggy-phipps-lcsw | <p>My first concern is you: As you stated, you have been emotionally starving for the past five years. </p><p>Please try to find time for you; to clarify your thoughts and feelings by writing, talking to a trusted friend or family member and perhaps seeing a therapist.</p><p>What's really going on with your husband? Does he discuss in detail his sudden change? </p><p>Can the two of you still talk? Do you want the same things? </p><p>Before you go to couples counseling, I suggest that you get some support first to feel grounded within yourself and your life. Make sure you are ready to hear what might come out of counseling. </p><p>I wish you the best. </p> | 0 |
57294f73f90871f676cf4858 | My friends don't put effort into our relationship | It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-friends-don-t-put-effort-into-our-relationship | Social Relationships | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">Interpersonal relationship (either positive or negatives) need to or more persons who give and receive: attention, dedication, time and communication. But what makes friendships special is that they last trough time, at least with those who we call our true friends, those who know us well and whom we have a special connection and those from whom we disconnect at times, without fear of losing them.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Consider what is that you are going trough yourself and with your relationship, talk to your friend about your concern; let him (her) know that you would like to spend more time together. Plan an activity that you both enjoy or try to discover a new hobby. If your friend is not enthusiastic or engaged, give him (her) some time and focus your energy spending time with other friends or enjoying activities in solitude. After a waiting period, call again to let your friend know how you are and that you are still a friend. If you continue feeling rejected, analyze why you value this relationship so much and consider if it’s worth to maintain it.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;
mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Mis amigos no ponen esfuerzo en nuestra relación.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2;
mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Es muy difícil no tenerles sentimientos negativos a amigos que no se esfuerzan en cuidar nuestra relación.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Las relaciones interpersonales (negativas positivas) necesitan dos o más personas que den y reciban: atención, dedicación, tiempo y comunicación. Pero lo que tienen de especial las relaciones de amistad es que perduran a través del tiempo, al menos con los que llamamos nuestros verdaderos amigos, los que nos conocen bien y con quien tenemos una conexión especial, y de quienes nos desconectamos en ocasiones, sin miedo a perderlos. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Considera que está sucediendo contigo y en tu amistad, conversa con tu amigo(a) sobre tu preocupación, déjale saber que te gustaría pasar más tiempo juntos. Planifica alguna actividad que les interese a ambos o descubran algún nuevo interés. Si la respuesta de tu amigo(a) no es positiva o entusiasta, dale tiempo y acércate a otras personas que compartan intereses en común, o dedícate a hacer cosas que disfrutas en solitud. Después de un plazo, vuelve a comunicarte para saber como esta, y dejarle su amigo(a) de siempre está ahí. Si sientes que tu amigo(a) no tiene ningún interés, buscar hacer nuevas conexiones, y enfócate más en ti y en otras actividades. Si tu amigo(a) no responde, analiza porque valoras esta relación, y si conviene mantenerla, aun cuando tu amigo(a) no responde a tus esfuerzos.</span></p> | 0 |
57420751c792dd6c7063e3b9 | How do I deal with a man who only contributes financially? | My boyfriend of eight years and father of our two children is a truck driver. He is never home and only contributes to our family financially. There is no other support given. He comes home when able, sleeps, gives money, and leaves again. I can't get him to do anything with me or the kids. He just sleeps and works. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-man-who-only-contributes-financially | Relationships,Intimacy | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman"">After eight years and two children’s, people change. I suggest to talk to him about how you feel, let him know that although he is gone for a long time, his presence as a husband and father are required and important. Ask him if he will be willing to engage again and how he would like to do so. Many times when the dads are away, moms design a perfect routine and they feel like they will disturb it. Make alone time and family time for him, so you can reconnect as a couple and then as a family.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;line-height:107%;
font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";
color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo trabajo con un esposo que solo contribuye económicamente?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi novio de ocho amos y padre de mis dos hijos es camionero. El nunca está en casa y solo contribuye financieramente. No provee apoyo en ninguna otra forma. El viene a casa cuando puede, duerme, provee dinero y se va otra vez. No puedo lograr que haga nada conmigo y los niños. Solo duerme y trabaja.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Después de ocho años y dos hijos las personas cambian. Te sugiero que hables con tu pareja sobre cómo te dientes, déjale saber que aunque el esta fuera la mayoría del tiempo, su presencia como pareja y padre es requerida e importante. Pregúntale si el está dispuesto a comprometerse ser parte activa de la familia y como lo haría. Muchas veces cuando los papás están afuera las mamás desarrollan rutinas que luego ellos no quieren interrumpir. Crea tiempo a solas para dedicarle a el para que puedan reconectar como pareja y luego como familia. </span></p> | 0 |
5741cc80c792dd6c7063e3b5 | How do I fall back in love with my wife? | My wife works late most days, so I'm lonely. I love my wife with all my heart, however I don't feel the intimacy we used to have. We don't have sex anymore, which bothers me tremendously. I have become close friends with a coworker, which I know is not helping. Nothing will happen with that, but there’s the thought. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fall-back-in-love-with-my-wife | Marriage,Intimacy | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">First things first! Friendships that develop in times of struggle may be a great emotional support, but also become confusing there's sexual attraction. And entertaining a tough is only going to make it a stronger target. Careful with that friendship! You do not want to fill your marriage's void with another person. Even when you are in a friend zone and not having intimacy with this person, you may be developing a special bond, sharing interest and activities that may lead to a deeper connection. Ask yourself how you would feel if your spouse was having a friendship like that.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Then try to refocus on your marriage. I suggest being transparent and talking to your wife about your feelings and concerns. Ask her what you could do to reconnect, make some suggestions and dedicate time to practice them. Make time in both of your schedules, make an effort to have lunch together, or to text during the day. Remember that a marriage is like a very good friendship with benefits, but sometimes the responsibility kills the fun.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Cómo puedo volver a enamorarme de mi esposa?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(59, 56, 56); background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">Mi esposa trabaja tarde casi todos los días, la amo con todo mi corazón, pero no siento la intimidad como antes. Ya no tenemos sexo, lo cual me molesta tremendamente. Me he acercado a una amistad del trabajo, lo cual no ayuda. Nada pasara, pero hay pensamientos al respecto.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Primero lo primero! Las amistades que se desarrollan en momentos de crisis pueden ser un gran apoyo emocional, pero también pueden convertirse en algo nebuloso cuando hay atracción sexual. Entretener pensamientos al respecto solo lo va a hacer un reto más grande. ¡Ten cuidado con esa amistad! No quieres llenar el vacío que deja tu matrimonio con esta nueva persona. Aunque no estés teniendo intimidad con esa persona, puedes estar creando una conexión especial, compartiendo intereses en común y actividades que los unen más aun. Pregúntate como te sentirías si tu esposa tuviera una amistad así.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Intenta reenfocarte en tu matrimonio. Sugiero que seas transparente con tu esposa y le dejes saber tu preocupación y como te sientes con el distanciamiento. Pregúntale que le gustaría hacer para reconectarse, sugiérele algunas ideas y dediquen tiempo a las mismas. Hagan tiempo en sus agendas para ustedes, hagan un esfuerzo para almorzar juntos, y comunicarse durante el día, aunque sea con textos. Recuerda que el matrimonio es como una muy buena amistad con beneficios y muchas veces las responsabilidades matan la diversión.</span></p> | 0 |
5747298ec792dd6c7063e445 | No matter what I do, my mom will almost always find something wrong with it. | My mother has Alzheimer's and she has become so nasty and mean to everyone and she always asks for unrealistic, silly or meaningless items. I get so frustrated and angry, but then I feel guilty because I know it probably isn’t her fault. How can I cope with feeling like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/no-matter-what-i-do-my-mom-will-almost-always-find-something-wrong-with-it | Alzheimer's,Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Yes, certainly your mom's difficulty in having meaningful conversations with people results from the Alzheimer's disease process which weakens her brain function.</p><p>Feeling a sense of guilt in relation to a parent, is pretty common for everyone.</p><p>This is because as little kids and babies, we had a strong reliance on a parent and believing every word they sad and wishing to follow each action they ask or demand, was for the benefit of our own survival.</p><p>One way of coping with your feeling of guilt is to examine it.</p><p>Ask what it is you're feeling guilty about?</p><p>Chances are that your sense of guilt is less due to what you're currently saying or doing to help your mom.</p><p>Very likely, your guilt feeling is awakening the sense of obligation that you and all of us feel toward a parent simply because parents seem to have unquestionable power when we are very young.</p><p>After all, you're thoughtful enough to write a question, so chances are great that you're already actively involved in caring for your mom.</p> | 0 |
57472882c792dd6c7063e444 | How do I tell my elderly mother that I can’t stay for long visits? | My mother has Alzheimer's and I can see that she has lost some of her intellectual abilities. Even though I know this disease is not her fault, I’m still finding it difficult to separate my own feelings of disappointment and frustration when my mom seems to ignore my opinions and wishes, and seems | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-tell-my-elderly-mother-that-i-can-t-stay-for-long-visits | Alzheimer's,Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Good observation on your part, to distinguish that your feelings in relation to your mom are not necessarily connected to the way she handles her part of the relation toward you.</p><p>Has your mom usually ignored your opinions and wishes in relating to you?</p><p>If prior to the onset of Alzheimer's, she never examined her way of relating to you, and if both of you have never had an open conversation about your sense of feeling hurt by her attitudes and manner with you, then the relationship between you and your mom will change in ways other than rational dialogue.</p><p>She may continue ignoring or overlooking your wishes because she's been stuck in this attitude for most of your life.</p><p>The good news for you about this is realizing that who you are and your way of relating to your mom, has very little to do with the way she relates to you.</p><p>This is a more profound disappointment because it shows that her disconnect from you has been for longer than when the Alzheimer's began.</p><p>You can however, feel a little more free knowing that you're not deserving of being ignored.</p> | 0 |
5743bf14c792dd6c7063e3f1 | Is my depression sabotaging my job search? | I keep feeling paralyzed and unsure during interviews. Previous jobs have fired me for lack of performance, and five employers have rejected me after extensive personality tests and interviews. I'm afraid of continuing because my depression is getting worse. I'm already humiliated working for temp agencies and doubt my self-worth as a provider for my family. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-my-depression-sabotaging-my-job-search | Self-esteem,Depression | Ben Braaksma | https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma | It sounds like you are feeling pretty overwhelmed and stuck between wanting to improve your work situation and worrying that you won't be able to. It is possible that the paralysis, uncertainty, and self-doubt that you describe are contributing to your difficulty in getting and maintaining a satisfying job as employers generally like to see that a potential employee is confident and can think on his or her feet. With a competent therapist, you may be able to get more understanding of the roots of these feelings and learn how to move forward in your search for a better work life in a way that leaves you feeling confident and capable.<br><p><br></p> | 0 |
57460a86c792dd6c7063e42f | How do I know if I'm transgender? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-if-i-m-transgender | LGBTQ | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want to say that I am a cisgender therapist, and so I cannot speak to the personal experience of realizing that I am transgender. What I can do is tell you some of the things that transgender people have told me, and information that I have read. Perhaps a transgender therapist will also have the opportunity to answer your question. </p><p>From the experiences that I have read and heard, the realization process went from either "knowing" right away to looking more like a journey. I have personal friends who are currently working through how to identify their gender, and they are well into adulthood. One person explained that the term 'transgender' didn't feel right for them in terms of how they felt, and believed that perhaps they are genderfluid. </p><p>This means that there is no rush to figure it out, and many different ways to identify. </p><p>There are therapists trained in the Affirmative Therapy model who may be good, supportive helpers that can assist you as you continue to look for answers. </p><p>Ultimately, I think the answer comes from within you. But, that doesn't mean that you can't get help to figure it all out. </p><p>Here is a blog written by a trans male that I know. Sam is a popular writer and discusses transgender issues, life issues, and mental health. You are very likely to find some good information in his posts. </p><p><br></p><p>https://letsqueerthingsup.com/</p><p>Be well... be you.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5744e52ac792dd6c7063e40e | What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body? | I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-insulting-my-body | Relationships,Intimacy | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that you are experiencing this. To be honest, this kind of behavior is really emotionally abusive, and you likely know that already. </p><p>The unfortunate truth is, there is very little we can actually <i>do </i>to change another adult's behavior if they are not interested in changing it. Many people who behave in this way actually feel justified in saying what they say, or even believe that they are "helping" in some way by telling <i>you </i>how to improve yourself. </p><p>What is actually going on is an attempt to control or change something about you by being coercive and abusive. </p><p>It is important to know that this kind of behavior doesn't necessarily show up right away. That is why I am not surprised that you are a year in to this relationship and are just now noticing these behaviors. Some people actually don't see them until they are already married! </p><p>You didn't mention that there has been any physical abuse, but I would warn you that this is sometimes a possibility once a person has already begun to be emotionally abusive. Other things to watch out for is your boyfriend trying to control who you hang out with, what you do and how you dress, etc. These are just more examples of emotional abuse and control. </p><p>Here are some things to consider and some ideas:</p><p>1. You could talk to your boyfriend about this behavior, if you believe it is safe to do so. Perhaps he will recognize that his behavior is not okay, and change. If not, then you may need to decide what you want to do about this relationship, given the fact that you cannot force him to change. </p><p>2. You can call a local domestic violence program. They do not only work with people who have been physically abused or have been married. They are trained to talk about emotional abuse, also. It may be a good thing for support. Your calls are confidential. </p><p>3. Check out the wheel in the link below. On it you will find some other common ways that abuse can happen in a relationship. If any of these are happening to you, or begin to happen, talking to a domestic violence program, a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor would be a good idea. </p><p>http://www.domesticviolence-wilm.org/Portals/97/Images/violence_wheel.gif </p><p>Be well.... </p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
57442ebec792dd6c7063e3fa | What should my boyfriend and I do to cope with his cancer? | We have been together over a year. We spend time together every day no matter how busy. He started to be unusually fatigued and losing weight. He also began to be distant and sexually selfish. We had a argument, and he confided he has late stage stomach cancer. He wont treat it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-my-boyfriend-and-i-do-to-cope-with-his-cancer | Relationships,Intimacy | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry about this life-altering situation that both you and your boyfriend are going through. To be sure, this is a devastating and lonely road for both of you. I say lonely because when things like this happen we often don't know what to say to each other, and so we suffer in silence with little support.</p><p>Here are a few thoughts that I am having, and perhaps others will add things, too:</p><p>1. By the sound of your main question, it seems like you have every intention to be there for your boyfriend during this difficult time. I am not sure if he is willing to talk about his health situation, but letting him know that you want to support him and also need his support may be helpful. </p><p>2. If it is possible, see if he would be willing to go to a counselor with you. There are many things that a counselor could focus on that may help your relationship, but also help you both cope with what is happening.</p><p>3. If he refuses to seek support, you may want to consider going on your own. If you can't afford it, sometimes hospice organizations offer support groups and other services. It is very important not to neglect yourself. </p><p>Be well,</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5747b49fc792dd6c7063e459 | How do I kick my stepdaughter out of our house because she isn't honoring boundaries set for her? | She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-kick-my-stepdaughter-out-of-our-house-because-she-isn-t-honoring-boundaries-set-for-her | Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Well, first let's identify what factors are involved in the situation about which you wrote.</p><p>Are you the only decision maker regarding your stepdaughter living with you?</p><p>Is her dad, and your partner, living under the same roof?</p><p>Would you feel any obligation to consult with your husband about his opinion and his way of handling the situation?</p><p>Have you talked with your stepdaughter about your observation and your reaction to the fact of her not honoring your boundaries?</p><p>Consider too that there will be an effect on the toddler, your grandchild, if you kick out your daughter.</p><p>Is your daughter financially ready to live on her own and support herself and her child?</p><p>You certainly have the right to define the terms of what goes on under your roof.</p><p>It is only fair to everyone that as many variables as possible, be considered.</p><p>The conclusion may be that it is in everyone's best interest for your stepdaughter to move out.</p><p>If everyone feels respected and a well thought out plan is developed, then the least amount of hurt and stress, and the most amount of happiness, will be possible from this change.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
57479644c792dd6c7063e457 | What should I do about not being sexually attracted to my girlfriend of five years? | Nothing we've tried has worked so far. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-not-being-sexually-attracted-to-my-girlfriend-of-five-years | Human Sexuality,Relationships,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Probably what you should do is decide whether you can continue having a romantic and sexual relationship with someone to whom you don't feel like having sex.</p><p>Five years is long enough to know that the way you feel toward your partner is more than likely going to remain this way.</p><p>Talk with your gf about your feelings because she may not wish to be in a relationship in which her partner is not sexually attracted to her.</p> | 0 |
5747e6bbc792dd6c7063e461 | Why am I so protective of my friends and family? | Any time my family and friends are in an altercation, I’m the one who steps in. I’m the one they call to fight for them. I do this even though I have a tough time trusting the people I’m fighting for. I’m only in my early 20s. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-protective-of-my-friends-and-family | Social Relationships,Family Conflict | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Breaking the patterns of relating to family members, is difficult work.</p><p>In the situation you describe, both you and the family members who ask for your intervention, will be affected by any change you decide to make in the way all of you handle family disagreements.</p><p>Always, it is best for any two people who have a disagreement, to talk directly with each other. A third person distracts from the content and reasons for disagreeing.</p><p>Maybe knowing that by pulling yourself away from mediating family arguments, you will in the long term be doing good for your family, helps you do the actual work of separating yourself from their arguments.</p><p>Definitely, the fact that you're writing about the problem, shows you feel like doing something which feels better than how you feel currently.</p><p>It is very healthy for you to listen to your gut intuition telling you to pull out of the mediator role you are in currently.</p><p>You may feel guilty, your family members will most likely do everything possible to persuade, convince, and push you back into their arguments.</p><p>This doesn't make them right in what they're doing, it only makes your job harder of trying to let them have their fights on their own.</p> | 0 |
573be0337d5e6b5321fad9dc | How can my marriage be fixed? | I've only been married three months. Every week, we argue about something, and it seems to be getting worse. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-my-marriage-be-fixed | Marriage | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:
"Times New Roman"">At the begin g of marriages, we expect to be living on an eternal honeymoon, but the reality can be different. This is a process of adaptation, even if you had known your better half for a long time, during the first months and years of marriage you go through a process of settling in your new roles and confront new challenges together that as you resolve become new rules and agreements.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, you can work this issues by practicing assertive communication, being clear with each other about what is the problem, how you feel about it and how would you like to resolve it. Learn to close arguments with resolutions, and reminding that you care about each other, that’s why you choose to be together. Discuss your roles and expectations, this is normally done over a marriage preparation class, is never too late to sit down a talk about what you want and look for in a husband/wife and clarify your roles and rules. Find couples therapist who mediates communication and helps both of to you learn assertive communication skills and conflict resolution.</span><span style="line-height: 16.75pt; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#1F4E79;mso-themecolor:accent1;
mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo arreglar mi matrimonio?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";
mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#666666;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">He estado casado por tan solo tres meses. Cada semana discutimos sobre algo y parece ponerse cada vez peor.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Al inicio del matrimonio, esperamos vivir una eterna luna de miel, pero la realidad es diferente. Es un proceso de adaptación, sin importar por cuánto tiempo hayas conocido a tu pareja. Durante estos primeros meses se definen los roles en el matrimonio, también enfrentan nuevos retos juntos que según resuelven se convierten en reglas y acuerdos.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Sí, puedes resolver estos problemas practicando comunicación asertiva. Deben aclarar sobre cuál es el problema, como se sienten al respecto y como lo quieren resolver. Aprendan a resolver las discusiones con decisiones claras y recordando que si les importan uno al otro, y por eso decidieron estar juntos en primer lugar. Discutan sus roles y expectativas, regularmente esto se hace durante clases de preparación matrimonial, pero nunca es tarde para hablar sobre lo que les gustaría que fuera su matrimonio y lo que esperan de su pareja, así clarifican los roles y reglas que aplicaran a su unión.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Encuentren un consejero matrimonial que les ayude a mediar los problemas de comunicación y les ayude a aprender destrezas de comunicación asertiva y resolución de conflictos.</span></p> | 0 |
572eaf0baaeea25a1918b569 | What can I do when I feel like my life is out of control? | I was in a car accident and totaled my car. I gave up my job of nine years to pursue school full-time to better myself. I failed a class, and my boyfriend that I live with thinks I’m stupid and wants to break up with me. I have nowhere to go, and I feel like I’m losing everything. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-when-i-feel-like-my-life-is-out-of-control | Stress,Anxiety | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-bidi-font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%;
font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">When we feel overwhelmed by life situations, it is important to understand where the feeling is coming from. Once we understand the source, it is important to normalize the situations that got us there and find balance in our lives.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">First, car accidents are common, and since they are accidents they are not a reflection of us. When we have an accident we feel anxious, worried, and may have some trauma after the accidents. If you have been experiencing anxiety since the car accident, talk to your doctor or therapist about it. Second, a lot of people fail classes, tasks, deadlines, etc. but they don’t give up on their goal. We have to remember that failing is part of the learning process, and having the courage to try again is what gives us determination and character. Remind yourself what motivated you to leave your job, and the courage and determination that took to do so, then channel that energy back into school. Third, when we have problems in our relationships, is helpful to look for ways to improve communication, discuss our concerns and how we want to resolve them, but it may be that the relationship needs to end if there isn’t enough interest in one of the parts or if there’s verbal or emotional abuse. Consider talking to your boyfriend and set some boundaries regarding appropriate communication.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 107%;">At all times: focus on being kind to yourself and improving your self-esteem: increase self-care activities, do more things that you enjoy, meditate in what gives you peace and make an effort to have more of that in your life. At the end, you are the one in control of your life, and you determine who you become.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size:
17.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#1F4E79;
mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Qué puedo hacer cuando siento que mi vida está fuera de control?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%;
font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#7F7F7F;mso-themecolor:text1;
mso-themetint:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">Estuve en un accidente de auto, y fue pérdida total. Deje mi trabajo de 9 años para completar un grado a tiempo completo. Falle una clase, y mi novio piensa que soy estúpida, el quiere dejarme. No tengo a donde ir y siento que lo estoy perdiendo todo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Cuando nos sentimos agobiados es importante reconocer donde estamos parados y entender de donde vienen esas emociones. Ya que entendemos la fuente de agobio, es importante normalizar las situaciones que lo causaron, y volver a encontrar el balance en nuestra vida.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Primero, los accidentes de auto son comunes, y por ser accidentes no son un reflejo de nosotros o nuestras destrezas. Cuando experimentamos accidentes no s sentimos ansiosos, preocupados, y puede que experimentemos algún trauma. Si sientes ansiedad, extrema preocupación habla con tu doctor o terapista al respecto. Segundo, muchas personas fallan clases, tareas, fechas de entrega, pero no se rinden. Tenemos que recordar que fallar es parte del proceso de aprendizaje, y tener el valor de intentarlo de nuevo, es lo que nos da determinación y carácter. Recuerda que te impulsó a dejar tu trabajo y canaliza esa energía en la escuela. Tercero, cuando tenemos problemas en las relaciones, es importante comunicar nuestras preocupaciones y diferencias, pero puede ser que la relación termine si no hay interés mutuo o si hay algún tipo de abuso. Considera hablar con tu novio y establecer límites respecto a la comunicación apropiada.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">En todo momento: enfócate en cuidarte a ti misma y mejorar tu autoestima, aumenta las actividades que te ayudan a sentirte bien, medita sobre lo que te paz y pasa más tiempo practicando esas actividades.</span></p> | 0 |
5719884e6720004c63d529e3 | What can I do about my dad being on drugs? | My dad is doing some really bad drugs, and I'm not allowed to see him anymore because of what he can do to me or my siblings on this drug. It has affected me tremendously in my life. It’s even caused me anger and stress. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-dad-being-on-drugs | Family Conflict,Stress | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">It seems like you are going trough stages of grief, since the inability to see your father causes you similar feelings as if you had lost him. Perhaps you could send him letters expressing your feelings and hopes. But do understand that if he is under the influence of drugs he might not be able to empathize with your feelings or react in the way that he would have done so in the past. As the issue evolves find a therapist or counselor to help you work on letting go of that anger and stress, which may affect you negatively. Find forgiveness so you can have a relationship with him in the future. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-family:"> </span><span style="color: rgb(31, 78, 121); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">¿Qué puedo hacer con mi padre usuario de drogas?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(127, 127, 127);">Mi papa está usando drogas muy malas, y no estoy autorizada a verlo por lo que me puede hacer a mí y a mis hermanos. Esto afecta mi vida tremendamente. Me causa coraje estrés</span><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Parece que estas pasando por estados de luto, ya que el no poder ver a tu padre causa sentimientos similares a cuando hay una perdida. Tal vez puedes escribirle cartas expresando tus sentimientos y esperanzas. Pero comprende que si el está bajo la influencia de drogas puede que no sienta empatía o te responda como lo solía hacer. Mientras el problema se resuelve busca un consejero o terapeuta que te ayude a trabajar en resolver los sentimientos de coraje y estrés, trabaja también en perdonarlo para que puedas tener una relación con él en el futuro.</span></p> | 0 |
574b7137c792dd6c7063e506 | Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-won-t-my-boyfriend-have-sex-with-me | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am not sure that we can be much help since we know very little about your situation. For example, we don't know how old you are or if you have previously had a satisfying sex life. So, I will just name a few things that can impact someone's interest in sex, and some colleagues may add others. </p><p>There are quite a few things that can actually lead to disinterest or inability to have sex. Things such as depression, illness, anxiety/stress, substance or alcohol abuse, and relationship dissatisfaction are just a few reasons. I work in a medical setting, and you might be surprised by how many male patients have some kind of erectile dysfunction occurrence even in their 20s. </p><p>The best way to find out why he won't have sex is simply to ask. Guessing will likely not bring you to the actual truth, and if you are dissatisfied about your sex life, it is likely not to get better without take some kind of action step. </p><p>I suggest approaching your partner with compassion and concern. He may also be aware that there is a problem and is afraid or embarrassed to talk to you about it. If you do end up communicating, you have some options to explore. </p><p>He may want to see his primary care provider if he believes it may be a health issue. A vicious circle can develop about this topic. A person has difficulty with sex for some reason, which generates anxiety, which can actually lead to more difficulty with sex. Counseling can be helpful. Some couples try something called the Sensate Focus Method. You can look it up online. I am not suggesting it or indicating it will help, but some people have said it is helpful.</p><p><br></p><p>Good luck and be well. </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
570efa99a76a73182ad282fe | How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-a-counselor-diagnose-someone-with-a-disorder | Diagnosis,Counseling Fundamentals | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">Different Licensed Professionals are trained to use different types of tests and interviews to identify symptoms and draw a diagnosis. In Counseling<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>we use<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><span style="font-size:
11.5pt;line-height:107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">an interview<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"> </span></span><span style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">evaluation that considers person's physical and mental health, plus their social and </span>economical <span style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">environment in combination with Psychological testing. The evaluation process usually takes the first two sessions, depending on how many persons are interviewed and what type of assessments are provided. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181); background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">¿Cómo se diagnostica a una persona?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 107%;">Diferentes Profesionales Licenciados están entrenados para usar diferentes tipos de exámenes y entrevistas para identificar síntomas y diagnosis. En el área de consejería utilizamos un proceso de entrevista que considera la salud física y mental de una persona, su ambiente socio económico, en combinación con exámenes psicológicos. El proceso de evaluación normalmente toma las primeras dos sesiones, dependiendo de cuantas personas sean entrevistadas y de qué tipo de evaluación se utilice.</span></p> | 0 |
5749d91ec792dd6c7063e4e0 | Does my daughter have a mental disability? | My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. | https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability | Parenting | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal"><span helvetica","sans-serif""="">Depending on your daughter’s age, this could be a learning disability. I suggest contacting the school counselor and asking for an evaluation, once she is evaluated and depending on the diagnosis, she could be provided with treatment recommendations like occupational therapy, reading glasses, or assistance in class. These and more accommodations are enforced under the 504 act. Consider if the observations that you have done are affecting her performance in school only, or also in other settings. Observe her behavior and or her emotions and see if they change as well. Discuss these with your daughter’s counselor as well.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span helvetica","sans-serif""=""><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;line-height:
107%;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri;
mso-fareast-theme-font:minor-latin;color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;
mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR;mso-fareast-language:EN-US;
mso-bidi-language:AR-SA">¿Tiene mi hija un desorden mental?</span><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Mi hija está en la escuela elemental. Ella no puede colorear dentro de la línea. Mezcla las palabras cuando escribe, a menos que tenga grandes espacios, o brinca las líneas.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Dependiendo de la edad de tu hija esto puede ser un problema de aprendizaje. Te sugiero que contactes al consejero escolar y solicites una evaluación, dependiendo de la diagnosis, ellos pueden recomendar tratamientos como: terapia ocupacional, lentes para leer o asistencia en clase. Estos acomodos son provistos bajo la acta 504. Considera si las observaciones que has hecho afectan el desempeño de tu hija en la escuela, o en otras áreas, también observa su conducta y emociones y repórtaselo al consejero escolar.</span></p> | 0 |
574b7137c792dd6c7063e506 | Why won't my boyfriend have sex with me? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-won-t-my-boyfriend-have-sex-with-me | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you are saying that he will not have sex with you, but the rest of your relationship is as you would like it to be, perhaps you can have a discussion about it. There could be a difference in preferences. Perhaps you could give each other feedback regarding what you like and what you don't like.</p><p>If there are other concerns in your relationship, such as possibly needing to communicate better or trust each other more, these concerns could be showing up related to your question about sex.</p> | 0 |
574b3e1bc792dd6c7063e504 | How can I cope with depression? | In the last ten months, I've been kicked out, moved around three times, worked many jobs, stopped school to make money, had dad and mom get sick, was cheated on while pregnant, lost my baby, had relationship issues, and was betrayed. I can't get a job. I have no friends. I feel lonely and isolated. I've been dealing with all this by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-cope-with-depression-2 | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>One thing that may help is to focus on small things that you do have control over. If you can hold onto that sense of having control over what you wear or what you choose to eat or where you go during the day, this may help you be able to look at what is currently most important for you and consider different choices. For example, you say you can't get a job, but I wonder if you could work with and local agencies to help you find a job, like Career Link. You say you have no friends currently. Are there any previous friends that you can get back in contact with?</p><p>You mentioned that you have no friends. Is there anyone in your life that you can talk with, even if it's not someone that you consider a closest friend?</p> | 0 |
574a69d0c792dd6c7063e4f1 | How do I know if my daughter has bipolar disorder? | My daughter basically freaked out out of nowhere over me saying “calm down” when she dropped her phone. Within seconds, the situation escalated to her kicking me out on the curb, saying horrifically unspeakable things, and her calling the cops on me. She seems unable to stop herself at times. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-if-my-daughter-has-bipolar-disorder | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Bipolar disorder has a lot of different components. If this is a one-time event, it could be that your daughter had an intense moment of anger and the phrase of asking her to "calm down" may have made her feel as though you weren't understanding what she was saying. Bipolar disorder also includes feelings of depression. When this is coupled with intense anger and acting or speaking without thinking, these can be part of bipolar disorder, but that wouldn't be the whole picture of what bipolar disorder would look like. It may be helpful to track differences that you notice in your daughter's mood and any patterns related to the times of day or what seems to lead her to be upset. Patterns are very helpful in figuring out what is happening.</p> | 0 |
574a6955c792dd6c7063e4ef | Is it weird or dangerous to give myself advice through an imaginary friend? | I'm a teenager, and I created a sort of imaginary friend to help me cope with stressful situations or if I'm worried or upset. She "gives me advice" and comforts me and tells me it'll be okay. I've given her a name (Solace) and created a personality for her that's like a comforting motherly figure. I know it's just my own advice and my own thoughts, but it's just that I'm thinking of them through a voice other than my own. I do this because I know I never really listen to my own advice, and I thought it would be better if it was through someone else who knew my thought process in and out, through this imaginary friend. Is this normal? Could it develop into a separate personality with time if I continue a mentality that she is her own person? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-weird-or-dangerous-to-give-myself-advice-through-an-imaginary-friend | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Since you are saying that you know that the thoughts are yours and your thinking of them in a different person's voice to make them easier for you to follow through on, it doesn't sound like it could develop into another personality.</p><p>It may be helpful to also find other things that give you comfort and to practice telling yourself that it will be okay in your own voice. If you start to do that slowly, it may be more comfortable for you. If you're following following through with your own advice, it sounds like some part of you knows that you are making choices that you agree with.</p><p>What else gives you comfort? Maybe there's a room that you like to be in when you are home or a certain outfit or color that makes you feel good. Focusing on these things may also be comforting to you.</p> | 0 |
574a6456c792dd6c7063e4ed | How do I fix or leave a bad relationship? | My ex-boyfriend and I have been back and forth for over a year now. He's in his late 20s, divorced for like five years now with two kids. He has a lot of narcissistic behaviors. He lies and cheats, but I love him. I've tried to date other people, but I always go back to him. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-fix-or-leave-a-bad-relationship | Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There are a lot of pieces to the decision of whether to stay or leave. Can you have open conversations about your concerns? Is he able to listen to that? I'm not sure how you know for sure that he lies and cheats, but does he recognize these things as problems? Which part of you is bigger: the part of you that wants to stay or the part of you that wants to leave? Can you consider what you want, wish for, and desire while also considering the same for him? Can he do that for you?</p> | 0 |
574a455dc792dd6c7063e4e6 | How do I pick which parents house I want to live at? | My mom and dad got divorced four years ago. I had to finish out the school year with my dad, and now they are deciding which place is best for me. I can't choose. How can I choose if I love both places? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-pick-which-parents-house-i-want-to-live-at | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I don't know how old you are, but depending on that, you may be able to talk with them about spending some time in both places. Even parents who live in different states can do that sometimes. It's not as frequent as spending one week at one house and the next week and the other, but I know that it happens.</p><p>If you can talk with both of your parents about how you would like to live in both places, maybe you can all work out some kind of agreement.</p> | 0 |
574a1a85c792dd6c7063e4e4 | How can I be happier and healthier? | I've tried working out and eating fruits and vegetables, but I always seem to eat the junk in the house. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-happier-and-healthier | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I know some people do better when they don't have as much junk food in the house. This is not as tempting then. Having said that, maybe you can reward yourself with different things, such as having dessert on certain days. If you are concerned about mostly eating habits, consider seeing a nutritionist. They can help you find the balance between what it is that you really want and your goals. I'm not sure how this links to happiness for you, but hopefully looking at your choices can lead you toward your goal of being healthier.</p> | 0 |
5749dd14c792dd6c7063e4e2 | How can I be less angry? | I get really mad easily at my parents and family. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-angry | Family Conflict,Anger Management | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Anger is not necessarily a bad thing. If you are angry and you can talk about your feelings, that would be very helpful. Anger usually comes along with something else, like feeling sad, worried, overwhelmed, confused, and many others. Consider looking at what you notice in addition to anger and you may have a different starting point. If you get along well with friends and don't get angry with them, look at the differences. Do you feel criticized by your parents or family? Misunderstood? There could be any number of things.</p><p>I wonder if you start getting angry very slowly and it builds or if it happens quickly. Try to keep an eye on the patterns and see if you can stop and look at what else is going on as you start to get angry. Anger is a real emotion in itself. It almost always connects to something else as well.</p> | 0 |
5749d91ec792dd6c7063e4e0 | Does my daughter have a mental disability? | My daughter is in later elementary school. She can't color in the lines. Her words jumble together when she writes unless there are big spaces or she skips lines. | https://counselchat.com/questions/does-my-daughter-have-a-mental-disability | Parenting | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It's hard to tell from the information that you were able to provide here, but talk with her elementary school a guidance counselor. Someone working with the school (usually a school psychologist) should be able to evaluate her to see if she needs extra help and to tell you more clearly what may be happening.</p> | 0 |
5749cdddc792dd6c7063e4dc | How do I pick between two guys? | I'm dating a guy I really love. We have our problems, but I could see myself with him long term. But there's this other guy who I've had feelings for for awhile now. He gives me butterflies when we talk, and my heart beats fast when I see he's texted me, which i never felt with my current boyfriend. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-pick-between-two-guys | Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There are different types of attraction. You said that you've never felt this sort of feeling of your heart beating faster with your current boyfriend. Depending on how long you've been together and if you're looking at different ways of making a life together and getting to know each other on a deeper level, that's a different stage in a relationship and sometimes it feels different. Some people look at it as a difference between levels of passion and compassion, but there are many different terms to try to talk about it.</p><p>Perhaps with this guy that you really love, you could talk about ways to keep things new and different in the relationship. Maybe you can leave notes for each other during the day or have a small surprise at random intervals (maybe an invitation to a picnic, for example).</p><p>As for the other guy who makes your heart beat faster, what do you see in him? You said you really love the other guy, which is why I'm asking.</p><p>What do you look for in the person who you want to be with long-term (whoever that is)?</p> | 0 |
5749891ac792dd6c7063e4ba | Is it possible that I have depression? | I'm starting to think that I might have depression. The thing is though, I'm not exactly sad. I can joke with my friends and stuff, but I've stopped caring about my work, and I've been starting to think that life is pointless. I really have no clue if I need help, or if I'm just tired or something. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-possible-that-i-have-depression | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It is possible that you have depression, but you could also be experiencing some other changes that mean that you have feelings of being sad without actually being depressed. Your statement makes it sound like you've stopped caring about your work, but you're still going to work and doing your work. It almost sounds like you are dissatisfied with your work. Do you like what you do? </p><p>When you said that life is pointless, what makes it that way? What is keeping you going? Is there something you can do each day that you can find meaning in?</p><p>You mentioned that you are not sure if you need help or are just tired. It sounds like you could certainly benefit from talking with someone about more specifics.</p><p>I'm curious about how long you have felt this way and if you are aware of anything that is contributing to it.</p> | 0 |
5749625dc792dd6c7063e4b7 | What can I do about instant and major mood swings? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-instant-and-major-mood-swings | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Mood swings can be related to many different things. I don't know whether you're talking about changes between feeling angry and depressed or any number of other things. Sometimes major and sudden mood swings can be related to chemicals in our body that are changing rapidly.</p><p>Try keeping track of your mood swings on a daily basis for a week or so. It would also be helpful to note how well you sleep during the same timeframe. Also be aware of anything you know of that is contributing to your changes in mood.</p><p>Because you used the words "instant" and "major," it would be helpful to discuss this with a mental health professional or your primary care physician so you can have some more specific ideas.</p> | 0 |
57495bbec792dd6c7063e4ac | Why can't I laugh anymore? | I used to be the funny guy of the group—the class clown, if you will. I used to laugh uncontrollably all the time and be able to be social without it feeling awkward. Now I can't laugh at all, and I'm dead inside. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-i-laugh-anymore | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you look back to when you feel as though you were the "funny guy," I wonder what is different now? It may be that responsibilities have changed or any number of other things.</p><p>I don't know whether you're also saying that you feel sad or if you're saying that you feel as though you don't have any big changes in your feelings.</p><p>A lot of us tend to be really busy, and sometimes we over schedule ourselves to the point that we don't have time to have positive time for ourselves. Sometimes even if we are spending time with friends, we're thinking about work and all of the other things we need to do.</p><p>I wonder if it feels awkward when you're with friends that you trust in an environment that you are used to. Maybe if that is more comfortable for you, it can be a stepping stone to focusing on how you feel better in those moments.</p><p>It sounds as if you may have had an experience (or more than one) where you felt misunderstood or criticized and now reacting to people feels awkward. If so, try going back to people you trust. Who do you have support from?</p> | 0 |
57490938c792dd6c7063e494 | Why am I so sad? | I have friends, family, I live in a good home, I go to a nice high school, and I get pretty good grades, but I don’t know why I'm so unhappy. These friends are my best friends and they’re all amazing people, and yet I'm sad all the time and feel alone. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-sad | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I wonder if you have moments where you feel happy?</p><p>You say you have amazing friends. I wonder if you get along with them and feel as though you can be yourself around them.</p><p>Sometimes we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do really well at everything all the time and this can be overwhelming sometimes. Where do you have support? I hope you can tell someone that you are feeling sad so that you can talk about your feelings.</p><p>Sleeping can make a big difference as far as feeling sad as well. If you're not sleeping well at night, that could be a big part of feeling sad a lot.</p><p>Perhaps you could try to find a person or two who makes you feel totally safe and comfortable and try to talk with them.</p> | 0 |
5748db6ac792dd6c7063e490 | How do I handle my fiancée always telling me how bad of a job I'm doing in making them happy? | My fiancée is always letting me know how I am a horrible/evil person, or I just don’t care enough when it’s about her feeling or when she is having an off day. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-my-fianc-e-always-telling-me-how-bad-of-a-job-i-m-doing-in-making-them-happy | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>One thing you could try is to have a conversation when neither of you is upset so that you learn what makes each of you feel cared for and valued. It could be that you are showing caring in a way that doesn't quite match what she is really looking for in that moment. For example, having an in-depth conversation could be something that you want, but she may just want a hug in that moment. </p><p>I don't know if you heard of Gary Chapman's book about love languages, but it may be helpful.</p> | 0 |
5748d98dc792dd6c7063e48f | How can you get back to my old self? | I no longer carry expressions on my face, and my emotions are decreasing the more I have fights with my fiancée. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-you-get-back-to-my-old-self | Depression,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Sometimes when we fight a lot with our partner, it becomes more uncomfortable to share emotions because it feels like it will lead to another flight or disagreement.</p><p>You could try having a conversation when you're not fighting and starting it out by saying that you would like to discuss something important to you and see if your fiancée is open to that.</p><p>Something else is that you could have an agreement that if one of you is having a really strong emotions in a difficult conversation and would like to break from the conversation, you could agree (ahead of time) that you'll say that you would like a "timeout" and will come back to discuss the issue in a certain amount of time (usually about an hour) and then try to resume the discussion. The reason this can work is it can give you a chance to calm down and then still go back to the discussion rather than not talking about it again. This only works if both of you agree to that before something starts, though.</p> | 0 |
5748d666c792dd6c7063e48d | How can I resist the urge to cut? | I stopped for a while, but I’ve started doing it again. It’s like an addiction. The more I try to stop, the more I want to do it. I’ve tried doing some of the stuff they say to do like draw, but it doesn’t work. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-resist-the-urge-to-cut-2 | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I've heard people say that they cut themselves as a way to feel relief from different emotions. You're also right that when you try to focus on just not cutting, it becomes more difficult because it's what you are focused on. While that is still something to work on, it may also be helpful to find something else you can do instead. You said drawing doesn't work for you. Sometimes more physical activities, such as doing a few jumping jacks, can be helpful. If you don't exercise, it might be something to talk with your doctor about first.</p><p>The more you can learn about what makes you want to cut, the easier it will be to find out what you could do to change that. Try talking to somebody about what you are feeling in addition to the urge to cut.</p> | 0 |
57489834c792dd6c7063e47c | How can I resist the urge to cut? | When I'm sad and alone, I want to cut myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-resist-the-urge-to-cut | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Try doing something physical. If you haven't exercised before, it is a good idea to get your doctor's approval first, but this can be helpful.</p><p>The more you can find out about when you want to cut, the easier it will be to figure out what else you can do. If you are feeling sad or angry or nervous, look at what is leading up to those feelings and talk to someone about that.</p><p>You said you are alone. I would see if you can find someone that you can trust to talk with about what you are going through. This could be a parent, a friend, someone at school, a coworker, or any number of other people.</p> | 0 |
5748864ac792dd6c7063e479 | Is it normal to hate my mom? | She has chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, and I’m her caregiver. All she does is complain, hit me, call me names, and say things happened that didn’t. When I tell her, she explodes. I didn’t always hate her, but now every little thing she does irritates me, and I don’t have the means to live on my own. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-hate-my-mom | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds like you are hating some of the things that your mom does rather than hating her.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Something you may be able to do is call the area agency on aging for the county where you live and ask for information about having other people help to care for your mom. I don't know how old your mom is, but if she is younger, they would probably have resources to other ways that you could have help. If you are both open to the possibility of someone else helping out, this may help with some of the difficulties between you if you are not spending quite as much time together. Do you think your mom is able to actually recognize how what she does and says affects you?</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">From whom do you have support during all of this?</span></p> | 0 |
57487c29c792dd6c7063e477 | Why do I always think my girl is cheating on me? | She works with a man and always looks at guys that check her out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-always-think-my-girl-is-cheating-on-me | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I wonder if you are having some of these thoughts related to something that has neither happened directly to you in your past or to someone that you care about. This can often change the way that we look at different situations. Try to look at what feelings, for you when you notice that someone is "checking her out," and perhaps when you have felt these feelings before.</p><p>If you trust your girl enough to have an open conversation, perhaps you could ask her whether she is willing to talk about something that is important to you. Then you could talk about feelings that you're having.</p> | 0 |
5748604fc792dd6c7063e473 | Why do I get a weird feeling every few months or so? | I get an uncontrollable swallowing that is repetitive and then somewhat out of body feeling that lasts no more than a minute or two. It usually happens in bed at night, but I occasionally experience this during the day. I have a benign brain tumor, but the doctor said it is not associated with this. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-get-a-weird-feeling-every-few-months-or-so | Behavioral Change,Sleep Improvement | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm not entirely sure whether this relates to something in the mental health realm or if there is something else happening. I know you said that your doctor said it is not related to your physical condition, but have you tried speaking with your primary care physician? I've seen people with many different symptoms that end up being related to acid reflux or something of that nature. As far as the out of body experience, there are different stages of sleep, so if this is happening in the middle of the night and you are waking up from a dream, you may not be fully awake when it's going on. These are just some thoughts, but I think talking to your primary care physician would be a great place to start.</p> | 0 |
57482e2ec792dd6c7063e46f | Can hypnosis allow me to recall trauma from 35 years ago? | I know I was molested as a child, but I have no memory of it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-hypnosis-allow-me-to-recall-trauma-from-35-years-ago | Trauma | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm not sure that I have the answer to your question, but I can tell you that it would be helpful to talk with a certified hypnotist. There are a list of them here: <a href="http://www.natboard.com/index_files/Page548.htm">http://www.natboard.com/index_files/Page548.htm</a>. You also may want to talk to someone who specializes in EMDR. This stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and it is a specific trauma treatment. I am not trained in this particular method, but my understanding is that it does not require a lot of knowledge of the origin of the trauma before being started.</p> | 0 |
5748059ac792dd6c7063e46a | What should I do when my parents won't let me see a therapist? | I think i may suffer from depression, and it is affecting my life and sleep. I am on my parent's insurance, and they won't let me see a therapist because they don't believe in it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-when-my-parents-won-t-let-me-see-a-therapist | Family Conflict,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>The answer here really depends upon your age and something called the "age of consent" in the state where you live. In Pennsylvania, anyone over the age of 14 can provide consent for their own treatment. As for billing purposes, try talking to some local agencies. If you are under 18, you may be able to have Medicaid out of medical necessity so that you can have treatment. If you are over 18, there may be some discounted rates at some agencies because of the situation you're in. Maybe your primary care physician will be able to refer you to some local agencies.</p><p>If you are in school, you may be able to talk with a guidance counselor or someone at the school. This would not require using your insurance.</p> | 0 |
5747f99dc792dd6c7063e468 | How can I get past the hurt of being told by various significant others that I wasn't good enough to have a baby with? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-past-the-hurt-of-being-told-by-various-significant-others-that-i-wasn-t-good-enough-to-have-a-baby-with | Self-esteem | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm not really sure what "not good enough" means. If multiple people have told you that, one thing to consider is that they each had their own reasons for not wanting a child at that moment. It is possible that it had nothing to do with you.</p><p>Did any of these significant others say anything about what made them feel that way? I hope that you were able to talk about these ideas rather than them telling you what they thought and then not further discussing it.</p><p>What qualities do you want to see in the partner that you want to have a baby with? What attributes do you have to give back to that relationship?</p> | 0 |
5747f621c792dd6c7063e466 | How do I overcome my depression? | I feel depressed even though I act like a happy with my family. I act like I’m happy so my son doesn’t see me sad. I act like my life is a happy life, but I feel sad and depressed. I sometimes think of killing myself and that my family deserve someone better than me. I just cry and write in my book all these feelings. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-my-depression | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds like you have several different things happening at the same time. I would encourage you to call and speak to a local therapist. If you are having thoughts of killing yourself in this moment, please call 800-273-8255 and talk to someone.</p><p>While I follow that you would like your son to be unaware of what you are going through, that doesn't mean that you can't discuss your feelings with someone else. Who is it that you trust or could speak with about this? A therapist could be one person, but perhaps there is someone else in your life as well.</p><p>One thing that may help is to find a bead or rock that is smooth and you can hold onto it while thinking of a specific memory where you were happy. This could be from as long ago as necessary as long as it is specific and you can place yourself back in that time when you are thinking about it. If you think about this time while holding onto the bead, the bead may remind you of a time when you felt happy. You could do the same thing for a time when you felt comfortable and safe.</p><p>Have you recognized any patterns for what is leading you to be sad?</p><p>Can you think of anything that makes you feel good, even if it only works for a few minutes?</p> | 0 |
5747e6bbc792dd6c7063e461 | Why am I so protective of my friends and family? | Any time my family and friends are in an altercation, I’m the one who steps in. I’m the one they call to fight for them. I do this even though I have a tough time trusting the people I’m fighting for. I’m only in my early 20s. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-so-protective-of-my-friends-and-family | Social Relationships,Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>You could be protective because of things that happened in your past or in the past of the people that you are protecting. A lot of us have natural instincts that we do not want other people to be in pain. For other people, conflict is just hard to watch and/or listen to.</p><p>As for having a tough time trusting them, that could also relate to past events between you and these other people or it could relate to the conflict that you mentioned. It can be difficult to trust someone deeply when you don't know when the next big fight or argument is going to start.</p><p>The next time you step in for someone, consider asking yourself what is making you do that? What are you feeling in the moment?</p> | 0 |
5747c37ac792dd6c7063e45d | How do I move past my depression from being separated from the military? | Two years ago, I was separated from the military into my contract for medical issues. It has emotionally destroyed me. I now basically hate myself. It's embarrassing to be separated from the one place who takes anyone. My family has been in the armed forces, and it has always been my dream. I can't do this alone anymore, and now my family is even worried. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-move-past-my-depression-from-being-separated-from-the-military | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds like being separated from the armed forces is a major loss for you. It takes some time to work through the emotions related to this and it often takes longer if you are trying to work through it without a lot of support.</p><p>Is there a task that you were doing during your military service that can in some way transfer into civilian life? I don't know what else your life involves, whether you have close friends or a romantic partner, a career, activities that you like to do, and many other things. You may be able to use some of the things that you still have today as a way to start moving forward in a different direction.</p><p>Your military service will always be a part of you. Thank you for your service.</p> | 0 |
5747b49fc792dd6c7063e459 | How do I kick my stepdaughter out of our house because she isn't honoring boundaries set for her? | She's in her early 20s, and she has a toddler. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-kick-my-stepdaughter-out-of-our-house-because-she-isn-t-honoring-boundaries-set-for-her | Parenting | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It may be helpful to first have a discussion about what you are expecting and put a timeframe on it that if she is not doing certain things by a certain date, she will have to leave. If you don't know where she can go, there is probably a list of shelters for the county that you live in.</p> | 0 |
57479644c792dd6c7063e457 | What should I do about not being sexually attracted to my girlfriend of five years? | Nothing we've tried has worked so far. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-not-being-sexually-attracted-to-my-girlfriend-of-five-years | Human Sexuality,Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Sexual attraction is often discussed on a continuum. If you are saying that you are not attracted to your girlfriend, you could try changing what you do during sexual intimacy. You could also try slowly using nonsexual touch and discussing what you each like and would prefer to do more of compared to what is not as desirable. After doing this for nonsexual touching, it can also be used with sexual touching. Looking at more of what you like or would like to feel may be of help.</p> | 0 |
57477211c792dd6c7063e451 | How can I just be happy and not mad all the time? | Everything just makes me upset. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-just-be-happy-and-not-mad-all-the-time | Anger Management | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Anger often comes with a lot of other emotions. Consider what else you may be feeling at the same time and keep track of your different mood changes. You may be able to notice patterns, such as being more frustrated when you don't sleep well. If you do feel as though you are mad all the time, can you think of any exceptions so you can see what is different in those times?</p> | 0 |
5747417fc792dd6c7063e44d | How can I make girls love me and not just the attention I give them? | Ever since I was little, I loved the idea of loving someone and spending my whole life with them. I treated everyone nice. For girls I liked, I would spend every second with them. It always ends the same way: “I like you as a friend,” or “I love your attention but not you.” | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-girls-love-me-and-not-just-the-attention-i-give-them | Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Attention is often something that is both wanted and sometimes not wanted all the time. Maybe when you're in a relationship with someone you can discuss the amount of attention that you are both comfortable with and/or what you are both looking for as far as amount of connection.</p> | 0 |
57466ce1c792dd6c7063e43c | How do I deal with my husband being mean to me? | My father is in the hospital and was diagnosed with leukemia. I have been dealing with that all day. My husband keeps getting mad at me for things that I said. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-husband-being-mean-to-me | Marriage | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I don't know how long you have been married, but this might be a time to explain to your husband what you wish he could do for you in this moment. It could be that he is showing that he is getting mad at you because he is worried about you and it is just coming out wrong. Maybe he would be open to an honest discussion?</p> | 0 |
5746401fc792dd6c7063e439 | Is my relationship with my stepdad normal? | My stepdad and I always mess around. I've noticed that whenever he playfully hits me, it's always my butt that he hits. He always comments on my outfits and always scans me head to toe when I walk into a room. I'm a teenager female, and I want to know if this is normal. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-my-relationship-with-my-stepdad-normal | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It's hard to tell from the way you described it. Do you think he would be open to an honest discussion? It could be that his comments about your outfit are designed to make you feel good or to help them show how much he cares about you as his stepdaughter. As far as scanning you from head to toe, I can think of reasons that parents might do that. I also think that talking about it is probably very important so you really know what his intentions are. That way, it removes the guesswork and you have the opportunity to know what he is thinking and feeling and he can also know what your reactions are.</p> | 0 |
57464013c792dd6c7063e437 | Why does my granddaughter instantly switch moods? | She was diagnosed a type one diabetic two years ago and had a very tough time dealing with it. She has an attachment issue also; her mother just moved to a much nicer home, and she gets angry and demands to go back to her prior home. We do not understand what is going on, and it is driving us crazy. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-does-my-granddaughter-instantly-switch-moods | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There are many possible answers here. It could be that she misses friends, that she felt safe in the other house (emotionally safe and comfortable), or dozens of other things. Will she talk about it when she's not mad? You mentioned that she has an attachment issue. It could also be that she was attached to the house. It's not the same as being attached to a person, but possessions and safe places certainly mean a lot.</p> | 0 |
57463196c792dd6c7063e435 | Why do I think about how easy it would be to hurt cute animals? | Sometimes, when I look at my pet cat, I think about how innocent he is and how somebody could hurt or kill him. It makes me sad because I love him, but I always think about how helpless he is. There've even been split-seconds where I felt almost tempted to kick him, followed by shame and guilt. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-think-about-how-easy-it-would-be-to-hurt-cute-animals | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>A lot of different things could be happening here. Do you feel angry or sad or anxious when you think about how helpless he is? If you have not actually kicked him, then I would encourage you to look at feelings other than guilt, since you did not hurt him. What else is there?</p><p>It would probably be very helpful to talk with a therapist about the specifics of this so that you can see what else is happening for you. It could be that you feel safe with your cat, so strong emotions come up because you feel safe.</p> | 0 |
55f877f0d8748cec700d2f87 | How do I balance school and life? | I don't have time to live or take care of myself at times. It's causing depression, stress, and anxiety. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-balance-school-and-life | Anxiety,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm not sure whether you are referring to having a lot of activities after school or that homework is overwhelming. Can you set aside a couple hours a week for yourself as a place to start?</p> | 0 |
57461ed6c792dd6c7063e431 | How do I deal with my trauma? | I was a victim of an incident. I've been made fun of and have been beating myself up for it because I don't feel anyone honestly believes me. There are so many other factors I deal with on a daily basis. I ignore my problems when I'm with my friends, but it’s scary when I’m alone. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-trauma | Trauma | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm glad you have some time when you're not thinking about your trauma when you're with your friends.</p><p>As far as feeling scared when you are alone, I'm not sure if you are referring to having flashbacks or thoughts on what happened to you or reminders in the environment around you or something else.</p><p>One thing that might help is to find a bead or a rock that is smooth that you can hold onto or rub against your hand or fingers. Think of a time when you felt safe, comfortable, happy – basically a positive and safe moment – while holding onto the rock. Then, when you have scary thoughts, you can hold on to the rock and remember the happier place. Try to associate as many happy and safe moments with the rock as you can.</p> | 0 |
574557e9c792dd6c7063e42b | How can I make my mom love me the same as my siblings? | I have three siblings. My mom loves them and not me. She’s always yelling at me, but when it comes to my siblings, she talks to them. I’m always crying in my room. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-make-my-mom-love-me-the-same-as-my-siblings | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Have you ever tried talking with her about this when she's not angry? While I hear you saying that it feels like she doesn't love you, there could be a lot of other pieces to this. Have you ever told her about how much she means to you (when she's not angry)?</p> | 0 |
57452dbac792dd6c7063e427 | How can I be happy as a stay-at-home mom? | Over the years, I have slowly lost everything: my jobs, my cars, my freedom, and my money. I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn't make any money, doesn't have a car, never goes out, and cleans all day long everyday. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-happy-as-a-stay-at-home-mom | Self-esteem,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There are an infinite number of possibilities here. You included a lot of things that you don't have. Is there anyway that you can have some freedom for a few hours a week, at least? A lot of times stay at home moms have groups when they meet at different public places where their children can play together and they can talk together. I don't know how old your child or children is/are, but perhaps going back to work is something that can happen in the future.</p><p>I wonder if you may consider who you have in your life who can support you. I don't know whether you have a spouse or parents or siblings who could help out with some different things. I wonder if you could consider where you would like to go if you had two or three hours that you could do whatever you wanted? If you can sort out some possible answers to that, maybe you can work together with friends or family to make it happen.</p><p>Also, again depending on the age of your children, some parents can do things while the children are sleeping, even if you are in the same room. For example, if your children are sleeping for about two hours, maybe 30 minutes of that could be reserved for you and the rest could be for cleaning or other things you need to do.</p> | 0 |
57451b1ac792dd6c7063e424 | How do I talk to my girlfriend about my anxiety from her exes? | My girlfriend remains friends with ex boyfriends/lovers on Facebook who actively like and comment on posts. It causes me to get jealous because I'm afraid they might reconnect somehow. I've attempted to talk to her about it, but she avoids it and doesn't seem to worry about how I feel about it. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-talk-to-my-girlfriend-about-my-anxiety-from-her-exes | Intimacy,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Talking about it would probably be helpful if you're both in a place where you can decide when is best to talk about something that is important. It may also be helpful to ask if you could talk for two or three minutes to make a point and then have space for her to talk for the same amount of time. You can adjust the timing for what works for both of you. After one of you is talking, perhaps you could restate what you have heard the person say. This can lessen confusion.</p><p>I know you say that she avoids it. It might be a good place to start talking about it – to see what makes her avoid it. It could be that she thinks any discussion about them is going to lead to an argument or you saying that she can't talk to them. I don't know how you typically react when you are jealous, but if you can discuss talking about this in a way that you are both open to hearing what the other person is experiencing, that may be helpful as well.</p> | 0 |
57450e45c792dd6c7063e422 | How do I stop feeling so awful? | I'm not the same anymore, I don't know how to get back to who I am. I'm sad and confused and angry and tired. I don't sleep well. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-feeling-so-awful-2 | Depression,Sleep Improvement | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Being tired can really affect almost everyone's ability to work through things that make them sad, confused, or angry, among other emotions. If you're having difficulty sleeping, try to get into a habit of going to bed and waking up close to the same time every day. Also consider only using the bed for sleeping so your brain knows that it's time to sleep when you are in bed. If you are not sleeping while you are in bed, consider getting up and reading a book or doing something to make you tired before going back to bed. Hopefully you'll be able to establish a pattern.</p><p>Sometimes sadness and other emotions make sleeping very difficult as well. Try keeping track of your moods to see what is leading up to the changes.</p><p>If you're still struggling, consider talking with a therapist about the specifics and/or maybe talking with your primary care physician. There are natural sleep remedies that he or she may recommend for you.</p> | 0 |
57460a86c792dd6c7063e42f | How do I know if I'm transgender? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-know-if-i-m-transgender | LGBTQ | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Transgender means that you feel as though the gender that you are is different than the gender that were born with. So, for example, if you are genetically and biologically female, but you feel as though you are a male, that would be the initial concept of considering whether or not you are transgender. Just in the effort to be clear, the same idea applies if you are genetically and biologically male and feel as though you're female.</p><p>This goes beyond people who enjoy dressing in the clothes of the opposite gender, although people who are transgender will sometimes do this as well. Being transgender is not about dressing up as the opposite gender, but rather feeling as though they actually are the opposite gender and are basically in the wrong body compared to how they feel on the inside.</p><p>Find more information here: <a href="http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender">http://www.transequality.org/about-transgender</a></p> | 0 |
5744e52ac792dd6c7063e40e | What can I do about my boyfriend insulting my body? | I'm in my early 20s, and I've been seeing my boyfriend for a year now. My boyfriend has always been the sweetest guy until recently. He has made comments such as “you would look better as a Tumblr girl" or "you should start doing more squats." It's really hurtful. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-insulting-my-body | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>My first thought was that I wondered what changed recently. Is he open to having a discussion about this so you can ask questions such as that one?</p><p>It's possible that he does not understand the degree to which it hurts you.</p><p>Try asking if there is a time that would be good to have a discussion that is important. I don't know how well the two of you have communicated over the last year, but if you are concerned about this turning into an argument, you may consider asking him to just listen to your point of view and see if he is able to summarize it correctly. Then you can listen to his side of the concern.</p> | 0 |
5744cc65c792dd6c7063e40b | What can I do about my boyfriend's verbal abuse? | I try to do everything right just so we won't argue, and it doesn't help the only time he is calm is when he is drinking alcohol. I get anxiety over having fights with him. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-s-verbal-abuse | Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Because of the way that you say your boyfriend is only calm when he is drinking and you have concerns about flights, it would probably be most helpful for you to speak with a local therapist so you can have specific conversations about what happens during these fights.</p><p>When you do "everything right," are you saying that you don't argue? It sounds a bit as though you are trying to read each other's mind without being able to communicate effectively. I recommend working on this with a therapist, though (even if you end up going without your boyfriend to sessions), so that you can talk about specific strategies and what you can do when he is not calm.</p> | 0 |