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questionID stringlengths 24 24	questionTitle stringlengths 16 146 ⌀	questionText stringlengths 26 2.7k ⌀	questionUrl stringlengths 34 178	topics stringlengths 5 71 ⌀	therapistName stringlengths 7 64	therapistUrl stringlengths 42 98	answerText stringlengths 11 224k
570f17f8158c725435c30670	How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance	Trauma	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>Check with your local non-profit agencies.  I am sure there are programs which provides services for others in the same financial position as you.  Many have sliding scale fees based on your income which can be $0.<br></p>
570f1371158c725435c3066e	Can I get over PTSD on my own?	I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic. Can I fix this by myself?	https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-get-over-ptsd-on-my-own	Trauma	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>I will not say that you can't but I will say it will be much harder and the time may take much longer.  Getting help and having someone to be there with you through the ups and down of PTSD makes the journey much easier.  <br></p>
570efa99a76a73182ad282fe	How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-does-a-counselor-diagnose-someone-with-a-disorder	Diagnosis,Counseling Fundamentals	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>A lot goes into diagnosing for a disorder.  It is according to what the provider's assessment from information gathered, reported and observed from the client.<br></p>
5579d748a9732755160c6a6b	How do I deal with my son's violent thoughts and dreams?	My son claims that hes been having extremely violent thoughts and dreams. Not violent like he's hurting someone, but violent thoughts like horrible things happening to his loved ones. He explained one of his dreams the other day and it was so violent it was sickening. It was far beyond anything in a horror movie, he says he can't help these thoughts they just pop up. Please help!	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-my-son-s-violent-thoughts-and-dreams	Anger Management,Sleep Improvement	Sonya Wilson	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson	<p>If your son is reporting "extremely violent thoughts and dreams" please have an psychological evaluation done by a psychiatrist now before it gets even worse for him to bare.  Don't take his reports lightly.  For him  to tell you, he knows that something is not right.  He is seeking and needing help.  Get it immediately.  Best to be safe than sorry.<br></p>
5710311890db94d66bf4426c	I am paranoid that my boyfriend hiding something from me	My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. We go to different schools, and we don't see each other that often. I just feel very paranoid that there's someone else or that he could be hiding something from me.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-paranoid-that-my-boyfriend-hiding-something-from-me	Anxiety,Relationships	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>Have you spoken to him about your fears? Perhaps you can explain this feeling to him and let him know what might lead to feeling more secure.  Also, it is important to trust your intuition!  Perhaps there are good reasons to feel concerned. It may not be paranoia - it may be based in reality!  </p>
570fd03bdbf02b4149c3f632	My wife outed me to her sister	What should I do when we see each other?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-outed-me-to-her-sister	Social Relationships,LGBTQ	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>I am so sorry this happened.  Sharing a part of your private life without your permission can be so painful.  I might suggest (depending on your relationship) reaching out to your sister and discussing this (or setting boundary that you don't want to discuss your private life).  I might also speak with your wife and share how hurt you are and what you need to happen moving forward to begin to heal.  </p>
57079f502f77a225438f166a	How can I know what my sexual orientation is?	I have been noticing myself really enjoying watching/reading about gay or lesbian couples. I've also been imagining what it might be like to date a girl, and I like the idea. I also find guys cute too. Does this make me bisexual?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-know-what-my-sexual-orientation-is-3	LGBTQ	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>Hello!  Thank you for your question.  Exploring your sexual orientation and attraction is a wonderful opportunity to get to know yourself!  I would be curious to know what feelings you might have related to the possibility of being bi; What messages you may have received related to this orientation and any concerns you have about possible sexual orientations.  </p>
56944a6cd44de9291692fdc4	i feel like i was born in the wrong body.	I feel like I was born in the wrong body I feel like I should be a girl not a boy Ever since I was young, I have wanted to be a girl. I felt like what I was wasn’t me. I want to know what I can do about it. My family is against transgender people and don't want anything to do with them. I want to be “me.” I feel as if I'll be happy then. I don't look in mirrors, and I don't like my reflection. Recently, I have been taking things to help even though they were not prescribed. I know I should have this handled by a professional.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-was-born-in-the-wrong-body	Self-esteem,LGBTQ	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>Hi. Do you have any opportunity to work with a therapist?  It sounds like it might be really great to explore these feelings. If you aren't able to, there are many awesome gender work books available that you could use to explore your thoughts and feelings. Also - google "ask a gender therapist" - so many amazing video blogs to answer many questions!  Good luck!</p>
55eee2ad21fbadd9096d0c3a	I'm transgender. I want help and I need help.	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-transgender-i-want-help-and-i-need-help	LGBTQ	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>Where do you live? Can you see a therapist?  This would be my recommendation.  Exploring these feelings would likely help you feel more comfort and have a safe place to talk. </p>
5705a5d8a9eb92e0426472bb	Is it normal for my mom to get mad easily?	It happens especially at me and my sister, and then she gets emotional and brings up the past. How should I deal with it? She is always stressed about her work and doesn't put her family first.	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-my-mom-to-get-mad-easily	Family Conflict	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>You are very wise for a young person. You have already figured out that other people's behaviours...how they treat you...it's not about you...it's about them. I love that you don't blame yourself for your mom's behaviours. It's not your fault. She's getting upset because she doesn't know how to manage her emotions, and these emotions have to do with her past and her present stress. You're just the trigger. Yes, this is normal, but it's not necessary. She can find another way to manage her "stuff".</p><p>Unfortunately, you can't help your mom a whole lot or even help her recognize this. But for yourself... remembering that her behaviours are her issue is the biggest piece of "dealing with it". You can always try some new strategies when you talk to mom...you can say "I'll listen you better if you don't bring up past stuff", or "I'm worried about you mom. You seem stressed", or even "I don't like the way you talk to me". Good luck!</p>
55c644f94beecdd02c51e553	Is it okay for my girlfriend to have sex with other men since I can’t sexually perform?	I am currently suffering from erectile dysfunction and have tried Viagra, Cialis, etc. Nothing seemed to work. My girlfriend of 3 years is very sexually frustrated. I told her that it is okay for her to have sex with other men. Is that really okay?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-okay-for-my-girlfriend-to-have-sex-with-other-men-since-i-can-t-sexually-perform	Human Sexuality,Relationships	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I completely agree with Dr. Zehner. Many couples are in open-type or polyamorous relationships where one or both partners engage in sexual relationships with others. The key thing about this is that it really does have to be something that both people are okay with. Now, as Dr. Zehner indicated, what may be okay today may not feel okay tomorrow, so good communication is essential. The truth is, even in polyamorous relationships where partners are in agreement, jealousy does sometimes happen. Here is a good article about polyamorous relationships and the issue of jealousy: </p><p>http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/02/polyamorous-dealing-jealousy/</p><p>This site has many other articles about polyamory. If you type in "polyamory" in their search box, you will find some good information. </p><p><br></p><p>I wish you well,</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
570af8af5e87cfae7322e9f9	I feel like I failed myself.	My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-failed-myself	Self-esteem,Behavioral Change	Denise Zajac	https://counselchat.com/therapists/denise-zajac	<p>Hello!</p><p>I write to respond to your recent inquiry for possible increase in self-esteem and positive behavioral change regarding motivation for a new job. </p><p>First of all, please try to allow yourself some time for grief of the loss of your dear grandmother. It appears you were close to her in many ways and she had a great influence in your life. The grief process of anger, denial, despair and acceptance may be a part of what is keeping you feeling "stuck" in a cycle of not feeling motivated to find work at this time.  Perhaps your mind is constantly fighting this grief? Death can be a "traumatic" experience for some people and is considered a great loss, thus the grief process may continue to be a part of your world for a time but hopefully not keep you "stuck" on a long-term basis.  I would try to reach out to a counselor to discuss this grief process at a deeper level to discern whether her death is part of why you feel this way.  Grief and loss can also have an effect on your self-esteem.  Can you begin to see how this cycle is what you may be experiencing? </p><p>One positive I see is that you are continuing to look for a new job!  Take time to give yourself some credit for the  time you are spending looking for work.  Also, I would recommend you set some short-term goals first for example, make a list of 5-10 potential new employers and send them each your resume. Then followup the next week with an email or phone call to make sure the hiring manager or human resources received your resume and have any questions.  It is also a good idea to ask for "informational interviews" in order to get your foot in the door, so to speak.</p><p>I hope that this information is helpful to you!  Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.</p><p><br></p><p>Warmly,</p><p>Denise</p>
5717c0c66720004c63d52934	How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?	My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-mother-to-listen-to-me-without-her-freaking-out	Family Conflict	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#333333;mso-font-kerning:18.0pt"=""><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-mother-to-listen-to-me-without-her-freaking-out">How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">Communication with our loved ones can be tricky, but it is the key to maintaining a healthy and functional relationship with them. At times, it seems difficult to communicate with our family because many feelings and “undercover” messages are attached. Especially with our mothers, who often provide advice and feel responsible for us, it may feel like they are making everything about themselves as they express their worries and concerns.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">So what to do? First will be important to practice active listening skills, to ensure that you are receiving and understanding the message, without filtering it trough your own emotions or preconceptions of the person who speaks.  Second, learn and practice assertive communication skills.  Those will help you to communicate a message clearly and in pieces.  It also emphasizes using I-statements to express how you feel at times when emotions become affected by the interaction.  Third, you should practice, by writing your I-statement or role playing with your counselor.   The trick with communication skills is that we need to practice them as often as possible until you to master them.  You can also contact a family therapist to improve those skills if it becomes challenging, or contact a mediator if more issues arise.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:16.0pt;mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;line-height:107%;color:#2E74B5;mso-themecolor:accent1;mso-themeshade: 191;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo lograr que mi mamá me escuche sin alarmarse tanto?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR">La comunicación con nuestros seres queridos puede ser dificultosa, pero es la clave para mantener relaciones saludables y funcionales con ellos.  A veces, nos parece aun más difícil comunicarnos con nuestra familia, porque hay muchos sentimientos y mensajes envueltos en la comunicación.  Especialmente nuestras  madres,  pueden hacer parecer que están convirtiendo el asunto en algo personal, cuando se sienten preocupadas y responsables por nosotros y nuestras acciones.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">¿Y qué hacemos?  Primero debemos aprender a escuchar activamente, para asegurarnos de que comprendemos el mensaje, y que no lo estemos filtrando a través de nuestras emociones e ideas de la otra persona. Segundo, aprende y practica comunicación asertiva.  Esto te ayudara a comunicar un mensaje claramente y en pedazos.  También te ayudar a aprender expresiones del Yo, para identificar sentimientos afectados durante la interacción.  Tercero, es importante que practiques estas destrezas, ya sea escribiendo o con tu consejero.  El secreto está en practicar las técnicas de comunicación cuantas veces sea posible, hasta que las uses espontáneamente.  Si tienes dificultad aprendiendo estas técnicas, o el conflicto con tu mama es uno muy difícil de resolver, puedes contactar un consejero o mediador familiar para que te asista. </span></p>
571d6cc3eba13fca346971c9	How can I improve my relationship with my daughter?	Me and my adult daughter just do not get along. She's very belittling to me when I don't agree with her. It's almost like she scolds me. We get into all out war. She's said I don't support her in what she does and that I've never loved her. She calls me horrible names, and she pushes my buttons to the point I call her names.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-improve-my-relationship-with-my-daughter	Family Conflict,Parenting	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>As frustrating and probably hurtful as your daughter's comments sound, there's also a message in them about how she genuinely feels.</p><p>To some degree, your daughter and you may both feel similarly misunderstood by the other.</p><p>Developing ways of listening and talking to one another to better understand how you each feel, would probably help a lot.</p><p>One major point to be aware, is that the mother/daughter relationship dynamic, because it is strong, may slow the new dynamic of relating as two adults.</p><p>Watch for your own tendency to expect your daughter to consider you as a parenting authority, instead of considering her as a grown person.</p><p><br></p><p>The same is true of your daughter.  She may need to remind herself to talk to you as the adult she is.</p><p>Her needs from you are real, they just need to be spoken to you in an adult way.</p>
571d5602eba13fca346971c6	Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety?	I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-about-my-depression-and-anxiety	Anxiety,Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>From whom do you get anti-depressants?</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">This person should be talking with you to know whether the pills are helping or not.</span><br></p><p>Trust your own instinct that the pills aren't helping you.</p><p>Pills work differently for everyone and not all people feel better from them.</p><p>It is also possible the particular pills have lost their effectiveness because after around six to eight months, this usually happens.</p><p>Try to understand what is depressing you.  This is slow work since you may have many theories.</p><p>Just by addressing your own emotional needs and life structure in a caring and respectful way, may improve your mood so that you'll feel less depressed.</p>
571d184feba13fca346971c1	Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls?	I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-ethical-for-a-social-worker-to-ignore-a-client-s-phone-calls	Legal & Regulatory,Professional Ethics	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Yes, your former social worker should return your phone call.</p><p>It is the professional ethic to do so and plain human decency to do so.</p><p>If he doesn't, there is nothing you can directly do about the fact of his ignoring you.</p><p>There are formal complaints you can make, which you can consider doing.</p><p>What matters most is receiving social work service.</p><p>Stick with looking for another social worker who is willing to help you.</p><p>The self-doubts you mention may be worth examining.</p><p>They do not, however excuse the social worker mishandling himself.</p>
571f0a0a8df811a03bc73257	I need help controlling my anger.	My long-term girlfriend broke up with me recently. She says it's because of my anger.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger	Anger Management	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<h1 style="margin: 0in 0in 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger">I need help controlling my anger.</a><o:p></o:p></span></h1><p class="MsoNormal">Anger is like a blanket that contains other emotion from bursting out and serves as a shield to protect us when we are not able to manage external issues.   Anger also helps us understand that there’s something wrong that needs to change.  Once we understand that something else caused us to feel angry, then we can explore the source of anger. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Ask yourself: Why am angry, Am I hurt, disappointed, confused, embarrassed etc.?  Once you find the answer, explore how often that happens and what’s your reaction.  Then explore how else you could respond or react.  You could use I-statements as a way to communicate your true feelings to your girlfriend or whoever is involved in the scenario.  This is a good exercise to practice with your Counselor or mental health provider because many unresolved issues may arise during this exploration, especially if you have been angry for a long time</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Also, it is important to understand the difference between anger and aggression and learn to manage our anger before we act on it.  Anger is a feeling; aggression is when you act out your anger physically, verbally and psychologically.  Find ways to vent: crying or sweating will help to release your anger, and balance the chemical response that our body creates when you become angry.  Physical activity and meditation exercises can also provide a break when you manage strong emotions.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/i-need-help-controlling-my-anger"><span lang="ES-PR" style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">Necesito ayuda para</span></a></span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"> controlar mi coraje.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">El coraje es como una manta que cubre otras emociones evitando que se desborden y sirve como un escudo que nos protege cuando no podemos manejar problemas externos.  El coraje también nos ayudo a entender que hay algo mal que debemos cambiar.  Cuando entendemos que algo mas causo el coraje entonces podemos explorar la fuente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">Pregúntate a ti mismo: ¿Por qué tengo coraje, estoy herido, decepcionado, confundido, avergonzado, etc.?  Ya que encuentres la respuesta, explora cuan frecuente tienes esa reacción.  Luego explora como puedes reaccionar en otra ocasión.  Puedes usar expresiones del Yo para comunicar tus verdaderos sentimientos a la persona envuelta en la situación.  Esto es un buen ejercicio para practicar con tu Consejero o profesional de la salud mental ya que otros conflictos sin resolver pueden surgir durante este proceso de exploración.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; color: inherit; line-height: 1.1;">También es importante entender la diferencia entre el coraje y la agresión, y aprender a manejar el coraje antes que actuemos.  El coraje es un sentimiento y la agresión es cuando expresas tu coraje agrediendo a alguien, física, emocional o sicológicamente.  Encuentra maneras de desagotare, llorar o sudar te pueden ayudar en este proceso al balancear la respuesta química que crea el cuerpo cuando estamos molestos.  El la actividad física y la meditación también pueden ayudarte a relajarte y tomar un descanso cuando manejas emociones fuertes.</span></p>
5643b88f000d774453b67197	I was duped into getting married to a therapist, but once her immigration status was secure, she bolted.	How do I ever trust another woman? I have found myself constantly reading between the lines with every other woman that I meet. I am having a difficult time making any sort of connection to anyone because of her deception and willingness to say and do literally anything in order to control my emotions. Once the "relationship" was over, she became extremely abusive and has attempted to intimidate me into silence regarding the many false claims made on her immigration application.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-was-duped-into-getting-married-to-a-therapist-but-once-her-immigration-status-was-secure-she-bolted	Marriage,Family Conflict,Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory	Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc	<p>I'm sorry to hear about that situation. If the woman was your therapist (or had been at one time), this could represent a significant ethical violation when she created a dual relationship with you.</p><p>Even if you were not her client, this might still be an ethical violation. Counselors are held to a high standard of conduct and honesty at all times.</p><p>In a situation like this you might consider filing a complaint with the state regulatory board.</p>
55f8cc4c80c7fe9c10f3bd69	If parents are divorced, is it acceptable for a counselor to allow an ex-spouse to be present during a child’s session?	Can a counselor take sides with one parent and allow a parent to order the child to tell the counselor "every detail" about what happened during the other parent’s visitation in order to help build a case for child custody?	https://counselchat.com/questions/if-parents-are-divorced-is-it-acceptable-for-a-counselor-to-allow-an-ex-spouse-to-be-present-during-a-child-s-session	Relationships,Professional Ethics,Parenting,Legal & Regulatory	Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc	<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:DocumentProperties> <o:Version>16.00</o:Version> </o:DocumentProperties> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:AllowPNG></o:AllowPNG> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:WordDocument> <w:View>Normal</w:View> <w:Zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:TrackMoves></w:TrackMoves> <w:TrackFormatting></w:TrackFormatting> <w:PunctuationKerning></w:PunctuationKerning> <w:ValidateAgainstSchemas></w:ValidateAgainstSchemas> 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6"></w:LsdException> <w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"></w:LsdException> <w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Mention"></w:LsdException> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:0in; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:8.0pt; mso-para-margin-left:0in; line-height:107%; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:11.0pt; font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif; mso-ascii-font-family:Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font:minor-latin; mso-hansi-font-family:Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font:minor-latin;} </style> <![endif]--> </p><p class="MsoNormal">I see a few issues here:</p><p class="MsoNormal">First, the age of the child is important.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>If the child is considered an "adult" by state law with regard to counseling (states differ on this - the range is typically between age 13 and age 18), no one is allowed to be in the session without the child's consent.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Second, ethical and legal standards generally require that a counselor be in the role of a therapist, or in the role of an evaluator, but not both.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>This means that a counselor should not generally provide both counseling and offer an opinion regarding who should have custody of a child.<br></p><p class="MsoNormal">Third, knowing the details of any parenting plan or separation agreement is important.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>Generally, either parent can consent to counseling for a minor child and can be present during the child’s sessions.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes">  </span>If a court order, parenting plan, or separation agreement specifies that one of the parents has sole decision making authority, then only that parent can consent to counseling for the minor child and only that parent can be present during the child’s sessions.<br></p>In a situation like this I would strongly recommend seeking out legal advice specific to your state law.
571d184feba13fca346971c1	Is it ethical for a social worker to ignore a client’s phone calls?	I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-ethical-for-a-social-worker-to-ignore-a-client-s-phone-calls	Legal & Regulatory,Professional Ethics	Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc	Mental health providers should promptly return calls from current clients as well as from potential clients.  This is even true if the social worker (or counselor) is unable to make an appointment with the caller.  In that case the social worker should call you back to let you know that he is unable to schedule an appointment with you.<br><br>In addition, mental health providers have an obligation to follow through with their own communication standards.  For example, if the social worker in this case has an outgoing voicemail message that promises returned calls within 24 hours, he has an obligation to follow through on that promise.<br><br>All that being said, it is also worth remembering that mental health professionals are just people too. It is possible that he had an unforeseen emergency that kept him from from returning your call promptly.<br><br>In the end, I agree with Sherry's advice. If you feel this social worker is not a good fit for you, you probably should trust your gut and find someone else who is a better fit.<br>
5720221b2c93abc27110732a	How can I care less about what people think?	I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-care-less-about-what-people-think	Self-esteem	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is normal to seek other’s attention and noticing that some people would not be interested. </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">After all,</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">we belong to a social environment where we constantly receive other’s feedback, which at times validates us, makes feel important and useful, like we belong; but also at times makes us feel isolated, different and neglected, which we could interpret as hate.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">The key is to be</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">aware of</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">what you think about what people think of you.   Got it?  This part can be tricky at times, because, what others think about us does not really affect us, what really affects us is what we decide to believe, internalize, and make our reality.  For example, I could choose to ignore a person’s comment about me, or I could decide to focus on it all day, analyze why they said that and what have I done to them to get to that conclusion.  Eventually,</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">since we became so focused on that thought, we may end up believing that what the other person said about us was true, even if we did not agree to begin with.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">So how can we fix this?  Awareness is the key!  It is important that you understand the way you internalize external inputs, like comments, and to go through a process of discarding negative ones.  It is also helpful to talk to your counselor about how you process feedback and validation so you learn to balance your positive traits</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">from</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">negatives and how that affects your relationships and self-esteem.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">¿</span><span style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-care-less-about-what-people-think"><span lang="ES-PR" style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181);">Cómo</span></a></span><span lang="ES-PR" style="line-height: 21.75pt; font-size: 17pt; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; color: rgb(46, 116, 181);"> me puede importar menos lo que la gente piensa?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Siempre siento la necesidad de impresionar a otros, ya sea mi familia, la gente de la escuela o extraños.  Y sé que no importa lo que haga o cuanto haga, siempre habrá personas que me odian.  ¿Por qué me siento así?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Es común que busquemos la atención de otros y notemos que algunas personas no están interesadas.  Después de todo pertenecemos a un ambiente social donde constantemente recibimos comentarios, que a veces nos validan, alagan y nos hacen sentir como parte importante y funcional de la sociedad; pero en otros momentos nos hacen sentir aislados, ignorados y diferentes, lo cual lo pudiéramos interpretar como odio.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">La clave es estar conscientes de lo que pensamos que los otros piensan de nosotros. ¿Me sigues?  Esta parte puede ser algo confusa, porque lo que piensan otras personas de nosotros, no nos afecta directamente, lo que si nos afecta es lo que decidimos creer que otras personas piensan de nosotros; y luego lo internalizamos y hacemos parte de nuestra vida.  Por ejemplo,  podemos decidir ignorar lo que una persona dice de nosotros, o podemos decidir enfocarnos en ello todo el día, analizando en detalle porque lo dijeron y que hemos hecho para hacer que ellos piensen así. Eventualmente nos enfocamos tanto en ese pensamiento, que terminamos creyendo que es verdad, aun cuando originalmente no lo creíamos así.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">¿Entonces como lo arreglamos? La clave es concientización.  Es importante entender la manera en que internalizamos las opiniones de otros, y que pasemos por un proceso de discriminación, donde descartemos los comentarios negativos, hasta que aprendamos a ignorarlos. También ayudaría hablar con un Consejero sobre como internamente validas y descartas los comentarios y opiniones externas, y como eso puede estar afectando tus relaciones y tu autoestima.  </span></p>
572148e2a3d94fca1ccf8eae	How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?	When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-getting-the-silent-treatment-from-my-boyfriend	Relationships,Intimacy	David Alpert	https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-alpert	<p>You are in an abusive relationship-not because of your boyfriend's silences but because he is comfortable being sarcastic and hurtful, never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. It is your choice to participate in an abusive relationship. You can not stop an abusive partner from being abusive no matter how wonderfully you treat your partner. You can either accept the terrible relationship as it is or reach out for the support that you need to leave the abusive relationship. I wish you well, always.</p>
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8	I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship	I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship	Trauma,Relationships	David Alpert	https://counselchat.com/therapists/david-alpert	<p>Your challenge is called "co-dependency." People seek approval from others in an obsessive way when they are failing to truly accept themselves. I encourage you to truly love yourself and know that you have every right to every sensation, emotion, thought, and inspiration that you may have. Best of luck on your journey.</p><p><br></p>
571866506720004c63d52975	Am I gay if I like neither girls nor guys?	I'm a guy. If I don't like girls, nor do I like guys, does that mean I'm gay?	https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-gay-if-i-like-neither-girls-nor-guys	LGBTQ	Lisa Shouldice	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisa-shouldice-toronto	<p>No, it does not necessarily.  Your sexual preference is based on who you ARE attracted to, not what does not turn you on.  If you find you have no sex drive at all, this is called asexual.  But you did not mention what you do find arrousing either.  Hope this helps.</p>
57218c3ba3d94fca1ccf8eb6	Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-married-men-to-fantasize-about-having-oral-sex-with-men	LGBTQ,Human Sexuality	Lisa Shouldice	https://counselchat.com/therapists/lisa-shouldice-toronto	<p>If you feel this real for you, then it is.  It is an incredible transition to undergo.  There is more and awareness out there about trans now.  Read different stories and find a support network so you do not feel alone.  Just live your new life.  Mom will simply have to realize this with time.  You can gently and lovingly confront her if she continues to refer to you as a female.  Good luck! </p>
5720e184560e527e064f0767	How can I have a normal sex life with my significant other when I keep having triggers from past sexual abuse?	I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-normal-sex-life-with-my-significant-other-when-i-keep-having-triggers-from-past-sexual-abuse	Intimacy,Trauma	Rebecca Wong	https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong	Have you sought the support of a therapist really qualified in working through sexual trauma? It can take some work, but healing is possible. If you feel able to, it may also help to open a dialogue with your boyfriend about what you need from him when you have these flashbacks. Let him know what some helpful responses may be.
5722358fa3d94fca1ccf8ec0	How can I be less insecure and needy with my girlfriend?	I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-insecure-and-needy-with-my-girlfriend	Relationships	Rebecca Wong	https://counselchat.com/therapists/rebecca-wong	<p>We humans are social beings. We learn how to BE in relationship as children. The caregiving you received (or didn't receive) set the stage for how you show up in all your adult relationships. Insecurity in relationships often has much to do with feeling unheard or unseen, perhaps feeling like you don't matter. There are many ways to rewire these relational patterns, the first step of which is taking pause and noticing that you are feeling insecure - so congrats on that because clearly you are already there!  Next I'd suggest finding a relationship therapist to help you sort through your insecurities, either as a couple or individually. </p>
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8	I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship	I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship	Trauma,Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>From what you describe about yourself, I agree with you that ending your former relationship was a very wise decision.</p><p>The nightmares and flashbacks show that you were deeply affected emotionally and on the foundations of your basic nature.</p><p>The way for these to stop is by the slow process of realizing how badly injured and frightened you were of your former partner.</p><p>Once you've stabilized yourself by accepting the tremendous harshness that was part of the former relationship, then the nightmares and flashbacks will disappear gradually usually, maybe all at once.</p><p>There is a possibility too that your former relationship connected with being emotionally ignored, abandoned, treated harshly during your time of growing up years.</p><p>Since generally people choose partners who relate similarly to the ways in which they felt treated by parents, it is possible that you had been badly treated while growing up and weren't aware of this until going through this terrible relationship.</p><p>Congratulations on ending your relationship!</p><p><br></p>
5722358fa3d94fca1ccf8ec0	How can I be less insecure and needy with my girlfriend?	I blame my past relationship for it. I know it is bad to be this way. I want to get past it.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-be-less-insecure-and-needy-with-my-girlfriend	Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>How did you come to the conclusion that you are acting needy?</p><p>Is this what your partner told you or are you feeling this way about yourself?</p><p>The difference is that what you'd like from a relationship may be very reasonable, only that your partner is not someone who wants to meet your needs.</p><p>One way of evaluating whether you're actually needy is whether you feel that you give yourself love, take good care of yourself when you're in situations that are not connected to being part of a couple.</p><p>If being by yourself feels uneasy most of the time, then probably practicing self-love, consciously treating yourself with consideration and thoughtfulness, may help you feel less needy of others.</p><p>This way, when you're with a partner, the time together will be in enjoying the partner, not getting love because of not figuring out a way of giving love to yourself.</p>
57218c3ba3d94fca1ccf8eb6	Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-married-men-to-fantasize-about-having-oral-sex-with-men	LGBTQ,Human Sexuality	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Maybe.</p><p>I don't imagine there is any accurate way of collecting enough information from other people to give you an answer.</p><p>Instead, I'd look to whether you're in a happy and healthy relationship, have friends, a relatively satisfying work situation, place to live, and overall are satisfying all the other areas of life.</p><p>If you're in a solid and stable life, then enjoy your oral sex fantasies.  They are just as normal as the rest of your life would seem!</p>
571d5602eba13fca346971c6	Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety?	I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-about-my-depression-and-anxiety	Anxiety,Depression	Dr. Avraham Cohen	https://counselchat.com/therapists/dr-avraham-cohen	<p>Certainly counselling can help. however, there is a caveat, namely, you will need the right counsellor with the right approach. This leads to two questions: 1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor, and 2) What is the right approach?</p><p>1) What are the identifiers for the right counsellor? The right counsellor will almost certainly have a lot of experience. He or she will have done a lot personal work and have an ongoing practice of inner work both on their own and with the support of an experienced therapist. This person will be viewing you as a human being with challenges, not as a diagnostic category. He or she will be willing to work with you over an extended period of time and have experience doing such work. Further they will be well versed in approaches that are responsive to you in the moment and overall. The in-depth work will be collaborativel designed in an ongoing way that is responsive to you, the moment, your overall life experience, and their in-the-moment experience. It goes without saying that you will subjectively evaluate the felt sense of connection with this person and the feeling that they are invested in their work with you, value you as a human being, and value the connection. As well, it is crucial that you feel this connection and that your therapist 'gets you.' <br></p><p>2) What is the right approach?  As Carl Jung stated, "When the doctor sits down with the patient he (or she) must drop all theories and learn the theory of this person." The approach must include a bond between you and your therapist that is in a continuous process of development, attention to pre-verbal imprinting, development of awareness ability, ongoing development of the ability to attend to and stay with inner experience, development of a process orientation, attention to egoic structures that were seeded from the earliest days in the service of perceptions of threats to needs being met, identification of current egoic states and work with these inner selves and their relationship with each other to facilitate movement from developmental points of arrest, increased ability to access and contain non-ordinary states of consciousness, attending to what is, and working with this in the service of moving towards optimal human development.</p><p>depression is generally experienced as the system shutting down. anxiety is a signal that something is wrong. anxiety is not the problem. it is a sign that there is a problem. the core of these issues is a lack of inner security that is the outcome of insufficient bonding. the work of psychotherapy is to establish an environment and relationship that will facilitate work with the bonding ruptures and re-initiation of the developmental process that stopped at an early stage.<br></p>
570f17f8158c725435c30670	How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance	Trauma	Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc	<p>You may have some options for low-cost or free counseling.</p><p>1) There may be free counseling services available in you area. You could try an Internet search for "free counseling" + the name of your community. In addition, in many communities your can dial 211 for access to information about many free services.</p><p>2) if you are a military veteran you maybe eligible for free counseling through the VA, the Vet Center, or the Soldiers Project.  You can get more information here:</p><p>http://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/vamentalhealthgroup.asp</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">http://www.vetcenter.va.gov/</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">https://www.thesoldiersproject.org</span></p>
570f1371158c725435c3066e	Can I get over PTSD on my own?	I have PTSD from childhood events and other traumas as an adult. I have panic attacks, nightmares, anger, and at times depression. I feel like I'm always on the edge or just apathetic. Can I fix this by myself?	https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-get-over-ptsd-on-my-own	Trauma	Candice Conroy, MA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma	<p>When it comes to trauma, especially in the event that it has caused you to develop PTSD, there can be a lot of difficulty in attempting to resolve these issues on your own simply because of how strong your urge to avoid it whenever thoughts of the traumatic experience come up. PTSD is best treated with the help of a mental health professional and if using the Cognitive Processing Approach can be treated in as few as 17 weeks. As for your other concerns, many of these can be treated independently if you have the motivation to manage your way through. Panic attacks and depression, specifically, often respond well to self-help treatment manuals. The Centre for Clinical Interventions is a great online resource for workbooks to help you learn to manage the depression and panic attacks. Whether you decide to work through these concerns on your own or in professional therapy, just know that your panic attacks must be managed prior to addressing your trauma. Hope this is helpful and if you have any other questions don't hesitate to ask.</p>
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8	I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship	I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship	Trauma,Relationships	Candice Conroy, MA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma	<p> A lot of times when you're experiencing nightmares and flashbacks, it can be a sign that you haven't fully processed what happened. Our brains tend to replay scenes in our life that we wish had turned out differently or  in an effort to desensitize us to it.  If you are comfortable with it, you may want to consider sharing what you're experiencing with your current partner so that he is able to understand what's going on. Also, you may want to consider  what parts of your past relationship you blame yourself for. This can be a difficult task to undertake on your own, and the help of the therapist may be necessary to sort through the memories in a safe way.  Typically however, flashbacks and nightmares are a sign that the trauma  of what you went through needs to be addressed.  it's a great thing that you were able to have the courage to get out of that relationship and you should be proud of yourself for that.  You may want to  begin therapy to address these traumatic memories and help you to sort through any conflicting emotions you have about it (i.e.  Feeling like it's your fault for not recognizing the abuse or getting out of the relationship sooner, blaming yourself for being  " The kind of person who gets into an abusive relationship ",  or believing that you somehow caused your ex to abuse you in some way.)  These types of beliefs and feelings can prevent us from moving past traumatic experiences and a trained therapist can certainly help you sort through them. </p>
572148e2a3d94fca1ccf8eae	How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend?	When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-getting-the-silent-treatment-from-my-boyfriend	Relationships,Intimacy	Candice Conroy, MA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma	<p> This sounds very hurtful for you to be on the receiving end of this. You can ask yourself " what am I learning from the way I am being treated? "  and consider whether or not this is in fact either (1)  A message or value that you agree with and believe will strengthen your relationship and help you to grow as a person or (2)  A message or value that is damaging to the relationship or  to your view of your self and others.  Once you've considered that and come to your own conclusion, you will likely know what you need to do.  If you're still stuck, you may want to consider seeing an individual therapist for yourself  to process your feelings about the relationship or a couples therapist with your partner to work on improving your communication with each other. </p>
5720e184560e527e064f0767	How can I have a normal sex life with my significant other when I keep having triggers from past sexual abuse?	I'm fine when we start becoming intimate, but out of nowhere, I will get a flashback of what happened to me in the past. I start hysterically crying and freaking out when my boyfriend obviously has done nothing to hurt me.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-normal-sex-life-with-my-significant-other-when-i-keep-having-triggers-from-past-sexual-abuse	Intimacy,Trauma	Candice Conroy, MA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma	<p> Sexual intimacy can be very triggering for survivors even when it is both wanted and consensual.  You may want to consider seeing a therapist who specializes in trauma to work through the abuse if you have not already done so. Often times triggers still hold such a powerful effect when the emotions related to the abuse  have not been fully processed.  In the meantime, you may want to consider coming up with a Safe Word to let your partner know that you are being triggered or to communicate your physical boundaries to him.  Often times, the experience of communicating  your physical boundaries to your partner, having those boundaries respected and validated, and having a partner who is understanding and  willing to engage in intimacy in such a way that does not violate your physical boundaries  can reinforce a sense of safety with him. </p>
571d5602eba13fca346971c6	Is there anything I can do about my depression and anxiety?	I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a number of years. I have been on medication, but lately my depression has felt worse. Can counseling help?	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-about-my-depression-and-anxiety	Anxiety,Depression	John Rummel	https://counselchat.com/therapists/john-rummel	<p>My initial response:  consider a more comprehensive MH assessment to determine other factors. A medical evaluation is warranted to rule out poor health issues. Blood work is helpful. Review what hadn't helped. <br></p>
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8	I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship	I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship	Trauma,Relationships	Locke Curfman	https://counselchat.com/therapists/locke-curfman	<p>Ending an abusive relationship is often very difficult, especially if you were very close initially without the presence of abuse.  If the abuse included verbal or psychological condemnation, you will often have a negative self-image that you may "know" is not true but often feels very true. This negative self-image and fear of being abused again can activate protections in you that were needed at the time you were abused but now create a "wall" in your current relationship.  The fact that you were able to end the relationship and know that you made the right decision is a great acknowledgement that you have solid internal resources to draw upon in healing from the abuse.  Good for you!</p><p>Nightmares and flashbacks are a strong sign of memories, including associated beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations, that have remained unprocessed and therefore unhealed.  There are likely reminders <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">(called triggers) of the past abuse that are being activated in your current relationship that are allowing these unhealed memories to come to the surface and affect both your sleep and your waking experiences.  This is certainly not something you are purposefully doing but is the result of what happened to you.  However, you likely feel as if you are not in control.    </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">The goal is protect your current relationship, evaluate your self-image for flaws in beliefs and feelings, and begin working on healing your memories of abuse. In many cases, my use of EMDR (Eye Movement Des</span><span style="line-height: 20px;">ensitization</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> and Reprocessing) would be helpful in reducing the emotional strength of your abuse memories, reduce or eliminate triggers, bring healing, and allow you to enjoy being in the present with your current relationship.  I would recommend discussing with your current partner your harmful past experiences, your decision to pursue counseling, and your strong desire to be healthy for your current relationship.  With a good support network in place, healing is very possible.</span></p>
57218c3ba3d94fca1ccf8eb6	Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-married-men-to-fantasize-about-having-oral-sex-with-men	LGBTQ,Human Sexuality	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p> It can absolutely be normal for men to fantasize about sexual activities with other men! Fantasy can be an incredibly fulfilling experience for you and your partner! This could be a aspect of your sexuality that you would benefit from exploring thorough conversation with trusted someone, like your spouse or close friend (or therapist). Depending on your current relationship, would you be comfortable discussing this with your spouse? </p><p><br></p><p>Also, please understand that this likely has nothing to do with your gender identity as one therapist posted here.  A fantasy related to sex may have to do with your sexual orientation but NOT gender identity.  </p>
5717c0c66720004c63d52934	How can I get my mother to listen to me without her freaking out?	My mother and I have an okay relationship. I know she loves me unconditionally, and I love her the same. However, more times than not, I'm afraid to tell her anything personal because she either doesn't listen, she turns it around and makes everything about her, or she ignores things - even when they are about my mental health.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-mother-to-listen-to-me-without-her-freaking-out	Family Conflict	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>Could you tell her ?  What would happen if you said "Mom, I love you and I really want to share myself with you, but often I you get upset and I don't want that to happen. I really want to be able to talk to you."  </p><p><br></p>
571866506720004c63d52975	Am I gay if I like neither girls nor guys?	I'm a guy. If I don't like girls, nor do I like guys, does that mean I'm gay?	https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-gay-if-i-like-neither-girls-nor-guys	LGBTQ	Traci Lowenthal	https://counselchat.com/therapists/traci-lowenthal-2	<p>It doesn't sound like you are finding yourself attracted to anyone.  It could mean that you just haven't connected with anyone you find attractive, or that you are asexual - essentially not oriented toward anyone.  I would suggest doing some reading on asexuality and see if it connects to how you feel!</p><p><br></p>
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8	I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship	I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship	Trauma,Relationships	Laurie Ward	https://counselchat.com/therapists/laurie-ward-parkville-missouri	<p>EMDR therapy has shown great results for work with PTSD symptoms which are similar to what you described. If you are unable to find a local EMDR specialist then I would suggest some meditation and journaling in addition to talk therapy to process your trauma. Your anxiety response centers int he brain are in hyper vigilance mode and retraining to turn down that response could be helpful for you. </p>
57218c3ba3d94fca1ccf8eb6	Is it normal for married men to fantasize about having oral sex with men?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-for-married-men-to-fantasize-about-having-oral-sex-with-men	LGBTQ,Human Sexuality	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Everyone fantasizes about something. In relationships, it is absolutely normal to have fantasies of a sexual nature about other people, whether they are real or imaginary. This could certainly include fantasies about people of the same gender. Marriage doesn't stop us from fantasizing, but it may stop us from <i>acting </i>on our fantasies if we are in a monogamous relationship. </p><p>It seems to me that you may be wondering if having these fantasies says something about someone's sexual orientation. It may or may not. One thing that is important to think about is that there is a lot more variety in people's sexual interests than what we generally learn about in society. We mostly talk about lesbian, straight, gay, bisexual, or queer folks, but there are actually many other interests than those. </p><p>Some people are attracted to some men <i>and</i> women, and yet they are married to one partner and remain committed and monogamous in that relationship. They may still fantasize, however.  </p><p>Other people are simply curious and are aroused by the thought of someone of the same gender, but they have no plan to explore the interest. </p><p>There are many possibilities, and that could include the possibility of being gay or bisexual. </p><p>So, is it normal? Yes. Not every married man has these fantasies, obviously, but some surely do. Where there may be a problem is if the person is actually struggling with their sexual orientation, and the fantasies are about more than just curiosity and arousal. If that is the case, then the person may need help sorting through feelings that may confuse them. </p><p>Hope this was helpful.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
571fe26e163abae056f3223f	How do I stop my nightmares?	I have been having a lot of nightmares where I am being killed in different ways. I either wake up in a panic or just crying and sweating. It has made me terrified of falling asleep and is now affecting my daily life too. Can I make the nightmares stop?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-my-nightmares	Sleep Improvement,Anxiety	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Sleep problems, including insomnia and even the nightmares that you are writing about, are really common for people and so many people suffer from them. Here are a few things to consider or to try: </p><p>1. Have you changed or started taking any new medication lately? Medications can certainly affect your sleep and some can even cause vivid or frightening dreams. If you are taking a new medication, talk to your provider about the nightmares, this may be the cause. </p><p><br></p><p>2. Stress can certainly increase our difficulty with sleep and can also begin to affect our dream states. The dreams may not make much sense, but then again even good dreams don't always make much sense. Ask yourself, do I have any new or renewed stressors in my life? Work, school, relationships, health.... all of these areas and many more are places where stress can hide out. If this is the case, talk with your provider or consider seeing a counselor who may be able to help. </p><p><br></p><p>3. Something to consider is that once we start to have anxiety or stress about something, we can begin to obsess about it. My guess is that going to bed for sleep is no longer a pleasant thing for you. Your stress and fear of what may happen when you sleep could start way before you actually go to bed. This could increase your chances of having another bad dream. Try relaxation techniques before going to bed. If you have YouTube, you can pull up "Guided Meditation for Sleep" exercises to help you relax. There are many different ones to choose from. You may also want to try deep breathing.</p><p><br></p><p>4. There are self-help ideas for managing bad nightmares. If you Google search "Nightmare Rescripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" you may find some ideas and instructions on how to manage dreams. </p><p><br></p><p>I hope these ideas help. Be well... </p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
57084d3c5e87cfae7322e9a7	How do I overcome the nightmare from the domestic violence of a past relationship?	I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years, I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat, and the dreams feel so real.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-the-nightmare-from-the-domestic-violence-of-a-past-relationship	Domestic Violence,Sleep Improvement	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. First things first, I am so glad that you are alive and very sorry that you had to endure such a terrible experience. Now, let's talk about these nightmares. The first thing I want to tell you is that you are NOT losing your mind. Many people start to think that may be the case if they are still suffering from the affects of something that happened a long time ago. That's not the case. There is no time set time for which we should be "over" something like this. </p><p>I am not sure if you received counseling after what happened to you, but that may be something to consider. Bad nightmares could be the sign of something like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which would include other symptoms like being startled easily, re-experiencing the event, or avoiding places that remind you of it. There are other symptoms, as well, so if you believe this may be something you have you may want to seek counseling. There are good treatments for PTSD. </p><p>If you cannot seek counseling at this time, there are some things you can do to try to manage the dreams on your own. I would encourage you to look up "sleepy hygiene" and try to make your bedtime rituals as relaxing as possible. You can also Google search "Nightmare re-scripting" or "Nightmare Exposure" and get some ideas on how you may be able to change your dreams. It may be a good idea to attend a domestic violence support group and get ideas from other survivors who no doubt have had sleep problems related to their experiences, too. </p><p><br></p><p>Hope this was helpful. Be well. </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
57084d3c5e87cfae7322e9a7	How do I overcome the nightmare from the domestic violence of a past relationship?	I am a survivor of domestic violence from a past relationship. Even after seven years, I still have horrible nightmares. I wake up in sweat, and the dreams feel so real.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-overcome-the-nightmare-from-the-domestic-violence-of-a-past-relationship	Domestic Violence,Sleep Improvement	Candice Conroy, MA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma	<p>Nightmare are actually very common for survivors of domestic violence. If they are affecting you the the point where you feel like you need to do something, you may want to consider processing your memories of the events with a trained trauma therapist. Another good option, may be to attend a support group for survivors where you could process your memories in a safe space where others will be able to provide support and understanding for what you went through as well as encouragement for the strength it took you to get out of that relationship. You may also want to consider completing a screening or assessment to rule out post-traumatic stress disorder as well.</p>
570f17f8158c725435c30670	How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance	Trauma	Candice Conroy, MA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma	<p>Depending on where you are located, you may want to consider calling 2-1-1. It is a resource hotline that can help provide you with referrals for therapists or clinics in your area who may offer pro-bono services. When going through the list of referrals they provide you with, you can call around and see what types of treatment they offer for PTSD and make a list so you can do your own research before deciding what you think will be the best fit for you. There are several different types of trauma therapy, but some of the most common include cognitive processing therapy and EMDR in case you'd like to research them and get more information.</p>
5718410c6720004c63d52946	How can I deal with my posttraumatic stress disorder?	I feel angry, anxious, and depressed. The PTSD I suffer is from a past relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-my-posttraumatic-stress-disorder	Trauma,Depression,Anxiety	Candice Conroy, MA	https://counselchat.com/therapists/candice-conroy-ma	If the symptoms are to the extent that they are affecting your ability to function, you may want to consider seeking treatment. PTSD, anxiety, and depression all typically respond well to treatment if provided by a trained clinician. Common types of treatment for PTSD that you may want to look into include Cognitive Processing Therapy or EMDR. The nice things about Cognitive Processing Therapy is that it is time limited and only lasts 17 sessions typically.
571791ef6720004c63d5292d	My son plays alone at recess.	Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess	Parenting	Julissa Sparks	https://counselchat.com/therapists/julissa-sparks	<ul style="margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; list-style-position: inside; font-family: Opensans, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial;"><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">It can be tricky to figure out if a child is truly satisfied with his lack of friendships. Parents can usually tell when their child is happy. But kids who are unhappy may be masking disappointment, perhaps acting out their feelings in an aggressive manner. Others may internalize symptoms, appearing sad or withdrawn. <br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">A parent may learn a great deal by asking the teachers questions such as whether the child works with others on group projects or if he eats lunch alone. A parent can also talk with the recess supervisor about what happens on the playground, and whether your child stays on the sidelines of play, unsure of how to join the group. <br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">Therespectfully is a difference between kids who are shy but happy and kids who feel isolated because they do not know how to make friends. Itis not necessarily that there is something wrong with that child, but they will in fact need help and suggestions for breaking into a peer group</li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><span style="line-height: 21.6px; background-color: initial;"> Ask a child if there is someone he would like to have over to play. If a mom or dad can make the play dates happen, or if they hit on an activity the child truly enjoys, the young person may begin to forge friendships on their own. </span></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I encourage </span>well-meaning parents to choose words carefully. Use phrases like, "Hey, I noticed something," or "Let me help you be successful." By showing respect, parents should feel more comfortable nudging their children beyond their comfort zone.<br></li><li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;"><b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background: 0px 0px;">When to seek professional help.</b> When does isolation raise a red flag for long-term issues? True personality disorders are not typically diagnosed until adulthood. Still, professional counseling should be considered if the anti-social behavior is causing the child significant distress, perhaps keeping him from functioning in everyday activities. Also, parents should pay attention to how the child's social behavior changes over time such as social anxiety. </li></ul><p style="margin-top: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; border-width: 0px; outline: 0px; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; border-color: rgb(179, 179, 140); -webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; font-family: Opensans, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21.6px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: 0px 0px; background-repeat: initial;">The vast majority of children who define "quality time" as time alone are perfectly happy, healthy and normal. If the child is able to nurture at least one friendship, exhibiting what experts call "social reciprocity," then parents can relax, and can cherish that child who enjoys the pleasure of his or her own company. </p>
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789	What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?	I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide	Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma	Ben Braaksma	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma	<p>First of all, I am very sorry for your loss, and I can understand the urge to drink and smoke to try and cope. As I'm sure you understand, alcohol and marijuana may take the edge off of the pain in the short run, but in the long run they may prevent you from being able to work through the thoughts and feelings that you have about the loss of your friend. Grieving is a process that is unique to each individual and each relationship that may involve difficult, confusing, and even contradictory seeming thoughts and feelings and a competent therapist can help you work through this process. It also may be useful for you to add other ways of coping, such as taking care of yourself through exercise, doing healthy activities that you love, and spending time with people that you love. Self care is often most difficult when we need it the most. Thank you for reaching out.<br></p>
55d6bd42784e4b56070d3c70	How do I cope with "never being good enough?"	I'm always told I'm not good enough or trying hard enough. I put 100% in to every thing. I'm worn out, I've worked on all of my family relationships, I'm doing great in school, I'm kind to those in need and otherwise. I stick to my religious beliefs and leave room for mistakes and learn from others so I don't have to make as many and the ones I do I learn from. Somehow it's still not good enough and nothing I do works. Nothing has changed, and I feel hopeless. Any suggestions or ideas?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-never-being-good-enough	Family Conflict,Self-esteem	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:12.0pt;line-height:107%;font-family: " helvetica","sans-serif""="">It sounds like you are aware of your positive traits but you are struggling with someone who does not acknowledge nor celebrate your efforts or achievements.   It seems like that is affecting your inner voice, which allows you to accept yourself for who you are.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">My suggestion is to explore that relationship and decide if that person’s opinion should determine how you feel about yourself.   If this is an important relationship, you could communicate to this person how the lack of positive feedback is affecting you.  Then, work on spending more time with those who value you, and can give you praise, encouragement, and constructive criticism.  Also, explore your religious beliefs, and what is they say about who you are as a person.  Finally, explore with a Counselor your inner voice and try to figure out if the negative message is settling in and harming your self-esteem.   Through therapy, you could learn to self-compassion and acceptance wich will help your </span>self esteem.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 22.6667px; line-height: 29px; white-space: pre-wrap;">¿Cómo manejo el sentirme que “no soy suficiente bueno”?</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#3b3838;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="">Siempre me dicen que no soy suficientemente bueno o no trato lo suficiente.  Yo pongo el 100% en todo.  Estoy agotado, he trabajado en todas mis relaciones, estoy muy bien en la escuela, trato bien a las personas que lo necesitan.  Me aferro a mis creencias religiosas y dejo espacio para los errores, y aprendo de otros para no tener que cometer los mismos.  Aun así no soy suficiente y nada de lo que hago funciona, me siento desesperanzado.  ¿Alguna idea o sugerencia?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Al parecer estas consiente de tus características positivas, pero estás teniendo  dificultad con alguien que no reconoce tus esfuerzos, ni logros, y eso está afectando esa voz interior que te permite aceptar quien eres.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:8.35pt;line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi sugerencia es que explores esa relación y analices si la opinión de esta persona va a determinar cómo te valoras a ti mismo.  Si es una relación valiosa, puedes comunicarle a la persona en cuestión como te afecta la falta de comentarios y opiniones positivas.   Luego enfócate en pasar más tiempo con personas que te valoran, te dan halagos, te motivan y te aconsejan.  También explora que dice tu religión sobre quién eres como persona y cuál es tu valor.  Y por último, explora con tu Consejero si ese mensaje negativo esta afectando tu autoestima.  A través de la terapia puedes aprender tecnicas auto compasión y aceptación que ayudaran a fortalecerte.</span></p>
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789	What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?	I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide	Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma	Cimberly R. Nesker	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cimberly-r-nesker	<p>I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss.  There is such a large feeling of uncertainty that befalls those of us left to sort through these emotions of such a loss, and it's never easy.  <br><br>I think it's important to remember that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to deal with loss and the "best way" for you may not be the best way for someone else.  The fact that you are aware that you are smoking more marijuana and drinking more, and the fact that you can recognize that these may not be the best coping techniques, is a very good step towards giving yourself some better support at this time.  Marijuana and drinking are type of coping techniques that can numb us to our emotions, but they do not really help us to work through those emotions. </p><p>When it comes to grief, often one of the most helpful ways to move through the phases of grief is to use your social supports; talk to your friends and family, see your mutual friends and commiserate with each other on the loss and the uncertainty.  The more we talk about our feelings, the more we are okay with them being ours. The more we express our loss, the better we become at accepting such a loss. In talking with your supports, you may also decide ways in which you may want to remember your friend; ways you can do so on a personal level (writing a poem, planting a tree, etc.) or ways you as a group can remember and memorialize them (a special day where you get together to share your memories, starting a charity, etc.) </p><p>We never truly "get over" our losses, but we can learnt o accept the losses and what it means to us now...but that also takes time. </p>
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789	What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?	I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide	Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma	Claudia Higgins	https://counselchat.com/therapists/claudia-higgins	<p>Let me begin by offering my condolences for your loss. I can understand how difficult this time maybe for you especially if you have several unanswered the questions due to the circumstances surrounding the death of your friend.  It's during this time, that you may experience the various stages of grief. This includes denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. <span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">In the bereavement process, there is so specific time frame or lengths of time for someone to work through each step. Its imperative to note  that one may</span><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;"> express each stage with different levels of intensity. Also, the five stages do not necessarily occur in any specific order. We often move between stages before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Just note that everyone greives differently, some internalize their feelings and emotions, others express it externally, while other avoid it all together.</span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience. Sometimes we feel that no one understands what we are feeling or going through, much less comprehend our emotional state of mind . What's important, is that you allow others to comfort you through the various stages. My recommendation is to allow yourself to go through the emotions and feel the grief. Avoiding or resisting may only delay the healing process. </span><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;">Reaching the acceptance stage of mourning is a gift not not everyone is awarded, but seeking the help of a Grief counselor may assist in deciphering your emotions and set you on a more positive path to achieve closer.</span></p>
5714466c703efcb72f718985	Do I have bipolar disorder?	It's been like a couple of years that I've been feeling like this. I don't want to self-diagnose, but I get so sad and cry and then I feel better. But then I get upset with people so quickly, and I hurt their feelings. It's this constant rollercoaster, and it's hard.	https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-bipolar-disorder-2	Behavioral Change	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Bipolar disorder is generally characterized by extreme changes in mood, ranging from mania (highs) to depression (lows). There are different types; however, so here is a website that gives you a list of symptoms for mania and depression in bipolar disorder: http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/bipolar-disorder-manic-depression?page=2</p><p>After reviewing these symptoms, if you believe you may have bipolar disorder, then you may want to see your primary care provider or a counselor. Bipolar disorder is treatable, but for many people it requires the right medication and sometimes counseling to help people make behavior changes that are important for bipolar management. </p><p>For example, some people may not get regular sleep, but proper rest is important for bipolar management. A counselor may talk to you about this and other lifestyle changes that you may need to make. </p><p>The good news is that many people live happy, healthy, and productive lives with bipolar disorder. So, if it turns out that you do have bipolar disorder, it doesn't mean that things can't get better. There is currently no "cure" for bipolar disorder, but with proper medication and lifestyle management, people can do quite well.</p><p>Hope this was helpful. Be well.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789	What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?	I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide	Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma	Jessica Dobbs	https://counselchat.com/therapists/jessica-dobbs	<p>Suicide is a very traumatic loss and affects survivors significantly. Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. One way I recommend to deal with the loss of a loved one is to write letters to them. Some people like to keep the letters in a jar, maybe fill the jar with sand so the letters are buried. I recommend writing the letters as often as you need to. You will notice over time the need to write the letters will decrease and the intense feelings of loss will decrease. I also recommend finding a survivors support group in your area. You can find more information on www.afsp.org.</p>
571791ef6720004c63d5292d	My son plays alone at recess.	Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess	Parenting	Jessica Dobbs	https://counselchat.com/therapists/jessica-dobbs	<p>I recommend asking your son about the reasons he chooses to play alone at recess. If he is happy on his own and you know he has some friends, I would not be very concerned. However, there may be bullying going on at school. In the case of bullying, it may be a situation where you as his parent will need to step in.</p>
5727b4c1f90871f676cf47f5	How can I deal with gender dysphoria in a positive way?	I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it. My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-gender-dysphoria-in-a-positive-way	Human Sexuality,LGBTQ	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am so glad that you reached out for help. I know that the dysphoria can feel nearly impossible to handle, especially since you have limited support from people who accept who you are. You may already know some of these resources, but I am going to share a few. </p><p>1. The website www.letsqueerthingsup.com is a blog from a very good writer that I know. His name is Sam Dylan Finch, and he is transgender. He writes about mental health, transgender issues, and many other topics. I know he has frequently written about gender dysphoria and ways to manage it. You may want to check out his site and do a search on there. </p><p>2. The website www.everydayfeminism.com employs many transgender writers and several have written about gender dysphoria and have given ideas for managing it. If you search for gender dysphoria on their site, many articles pop up. It may be a good resource for you, especially if you ever feel lonely and start to forget that there are others out there who are like you and have your back. </p><p>3. I am not sure where you live, but there are counselors who specialize in affirmative therapy, which is what is recommended for folks who are part of the LGBTQ community. So, if you decide to see a counselor about the dysphoria, try to find one that specifically says they have been trained in the affirmative approach. In addition, feel free to ask questions of the counselor before agreeing to see them for counseling. An ethical counselor would have no problem answering them before having you come in. </p><p>4. If there are some LGBTQ resource centers in your area, try to reach out to them and see if there are support groups. Gaining more support from others would be helpful. Sometimes LGBTQ-friendly counselors leave their contact information for people in resource centers. </p><p>5. Finally, I know you have not mentioned being depressed or suicidal, but I also know that it is very common for people to consider suicide when they are struggling with dysphoria, dealing with transphobia, etc. If this ever happens to you, please call 911 or the Trans Lifeline. It's free at 877-565-8860. Visit their site at www.translifeline.org. </p><p><br></p><p>I hope some of these ideas help. Feel free to send another message if you have a follow-up question.</p><p>Be well....be YOU.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
5727b4c1f90871f676cf47f5	How can I deal with gender dysphoria in a positive way?	I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it. My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-gender-dysphoria-in-a-positive-way	Human Sexuality,LGBTQ	ABLE Counseling Services, LLC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/able-counseling-services-llc	<p>Hi. It can be difficult to handle such a transition on your own. I work with clients to understand their needs and wants. This can involve how to communicate effectively with friends, family, and other loved ones; or, learning how to have self-acceptance. I strongly recommend speaking with a licensed clinician one on one to help facilitate the change you are looking for. </p>
57250c22f90871f676cf4760	Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly?	I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-talk-publicly	Anxiety,Social Relationships	Genevieve Rideout	https://counselchat.com/therapists/genevieve-rideout	<p>you can learn lots of skills/techniques to feel more confident in what you need to do that will decrease your anxious response for sure! :) And  you can also learn how to work with your personality that may not like the attention. You may find that "talking" to others through the internet is more comfortable and you are great at it, or that you love one on one talking but aren't really made for group talking. There is a place in this world for you either way! Public speaking skills can be practiced in speech class, or toastmaster group, they will give you practice in a safe environment where the cool kids or cutest boy aren't ready to laugh at you.  What topics are you interested in and what groups can you do a little speaking up? Maybe in your small group at church try and raise you hand to share your opinion, or maybe your Girl Scout troop? Look around for a peer and one adult who you like to hear speak out, ask them to share with you 2 things that help them feel comfortable speaking in public. Check out some Ted Talks and see how they share in groups. Social anxiety is a difficult concern and picking apart what is your awesome personality and what needs skill building and mindfulness/anxiety  help are important steps. Good luck!<br></p>
57267371f90871f676cf4781	My wife won't do things she used to do	There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-won-t-do-things-she-used-to-do	Intimacy	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#333333;mso-font-kerning:18.0pt"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-won-t-do-things-she-used-to-do">My wife won't do things she used to do</a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:11.5pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";color:#666666">There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Like we often hear, communication is the key to a good relationship.  Intimacy in the marriage is something we take for granted, and we rarely communicate about it. I noticed how you mentioned that she had “once agreed to try” things; did you ever asked if she enjoyed those things or would want to repeat them.  Have you asked if she would like to try new things as well?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">What if, you work on improving your communication with your wife? </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">One thing to consider<span style="line-height: 1.42857; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is the status of your relationship.  Are you in good terms with each other? Are you or your wife going under a stressful situation?   Many times when we have problems we reflect it in multiple areas, including our intimacy or lack of it.  Listen to her; ask how you can support her.  Find ways to reconnect as a couple, relax, have fun, and do things that you used to enjoy, or discover new interests together.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Then you can focus on having conversations about your intimacy.  You could star by letting her know that you are concerned about your romantic life, and ask if you do anything that she likes or dislikes.  Remember this is a </span>two-way<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;"> street, you should be ready to listen and ready to share.  Take </span>in<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;"> consideration what she mentions, and work on resolving those issues.  It is important that you praise each other as you progress and do this in a loving and supportive way, avoiding hurtful comments. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">If you continue to struggle, or seems difficult to engage in communicating with your wife, consider couples therapy or individual therapy to work on communication skills.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi esposa no hace las cosas que solía hacer</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(127, 127, 127); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Hay cosas intimas que ella hacia al principio de nuestra relación, y cosas que alguna vez ella estuvo de acuerdo en probar y que ahora no hace.  Yo  me paso pensando en eso todo el día.  Me siento rechazado y pienso que me case con la persona equivocada.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Como tanto escuchamos, comunicación es la clave para una buena relación.   La intimidad en el matrimonio es algo de damos por hecho y rara vez nos comunicamos al respecto.  Noté como mencionas que alguna vez tu esposa “estuvo de acuerdo en probar” algo.  ¿Alguna vez le preguntaste si le gusto lo que probo, o si quería repetirlo?  ¿Le has preguntado si ella quisiera intentar algo nuevo o diferente?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">¿Y qué tal si trabajas en mejorar la comunicación con tu esposa?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Un aspecto a considerar es si hay alguna tención en el matrimonio.  Si están pasando por una situación tensa en su matrimonio o algún otro aspecto de su vida, lo pueden estar reflejando en su intimidad, o la falta de la misma.  Escúchala, pregunta cómo puedes darle apoyo.  Encuentra maneras de reconectar en pareja, relajarse, divertirse, y hacer cosas que antes disfrutaban, o descubrir nuevos intereses juntos. Si demuestran que son importantes uno para el otro y apoyan sus necesidades, se unirán más y disfrutaran de su tiempo intimo.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Luego trabaja en tener conversaciones sobre la intimidad.  Puedes empezar por dejarle saber que te preocupa la vida romántica preguntarle si hay algo que a ella le agrada o desagrada al respecto. Recuerda que esto será beneficioso para los dos, tú debes estar preparado para escucharla, y compartir tus preocupaciones.  Toma en consideración lo que ella mencione, y trabaja en resolver o eliminar esas conductas.  Es importante que se alaguen y animen en el proceso, que este sea un proceso de apoyo y crecimiento y que continúen teniendo esta conversación frecuentemente.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 1.42857;">Si continuas teniendo dificultad o no sabes cómo comunicarte con tu pareja, considera terapia de pareja como una alternativa, o incluso consejería individual para trabajar en tus destrezas de comunicación.</span></p>
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789	What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?	I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide	Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>Suicide is not a natural way to pass from this Earth, so many times it can be EXTREMELY tough to deal with because of the "unnatural-ness" of the event. We may find ourselves feeling guilty that we did not see it or that we could've have done more or something to stop it, but often the <span style="font-weight: bold;">fish in the fishbowl cannot see that which is closest to him. </span>You are currently trying to numb your feelings, those feelings as nasty as they are, are meant to be felt, those feelings help us to process the event and also help us to pass through the situation. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Your friend has a legacy, remember it, and honor that legacy everyday in some small or even grand way, perhaps committing or volunteering your time to help others in honor of your friend.</span></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hope this helps, <br></span></p><p><span style="font-weight: bold;">C</span><br></p>
570d3d545e87cfae7322eaaa	How can I control my anxiety?	I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-my-anxiety	Anxiety,Depression	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>As a past sufferer of anxiety myself, I have learned that it is a natural part of life, it is a natural part of us, the longer we try to run from it the more it entangles us in its clutches, if we deny certain parts of ourselves we will become depressed or even oppressed, the only way to deal with anxiety is to embrace it and accept it, and in fighting the fight without fighting we will eventually win, I would encourage you to look into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, your answer I think lies in that area of research. <br></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p>
57267371f90871f676cf4781	My wife won't do things she used to do	There are intimate things she did early in the relationship, and things she had once agreed to try that she will not do now. I end up thinking about it all day. I feel rejected and think I married the wrong person.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-wife-won-t-do-things-she-used-to-do	Intimacy	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>I'd say you're letting fear get a hold on you! You would really enjoy some sexual activities that your wife hasn't initiated in a long while, but it's a big leap to go from that to "I married the wrong person". Fear is telling you that she doesn't respect or like or want you? Look at the bigger picture. What is the evidence that your wife wants to please you?...that she is the "right" woman for you?...that she loves you?...that she cares about what's important to you?  If there is evidence there, then you owe it to the marriage to rein in your fearful thoughts.</p><p>Talking to your wife is so important right now. We all have moments when we really just want to sit and stew in our self pity over our partner not vacuuming or cooking or saying loving things often enough...but they can't read our minds! Can you lovingly let her know what you miss? ...what you hope for?...what you need? This is the meat of a loving relationship. Sharing who we are, so that we can love each other better. </p><p>Your wife deserves the benefit of the doubt that she'll listen to what you long for. Can you risk feeling vulnerable? You can't control her answer, but can you trust her to care?</p>
5724223bf90871f676cf4702	I hate the way I look	I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face. It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-hate-the-way-i-look	Self-esteem	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>This is so very common in this crazy looks-obsessed world! I meet so many beautiful people who can't see their beauty. Is there something getting in the way for you? Was there a time in your life when people teased you or told you something hurtful, or did something to you that made you feel ugly? If so, this can be addressed first. Sometimes stories are told about us when we're young and the best thing we can do is see the author's evil or careless intent and not take that on. A therapist can help you with this part.</p><p>Once you've addressed any past barriers to feeling confident, you can focus on a few simple things. First, your thoughts. If you keep telling yourself that you don't like what you see, then you will never feel okay about your looks. Experiment with telling yourself something different. Look in the mirror and I dare you to find something that's lovely about your face. Focus on that. Describe what you see? If you were your own best friend, what would you say about your face? Eliminating those negative scripts and building new positive ones will help you feel more accepting of how you look. You can't change your face, but you can change your attitude towards your face. Confidence is the things that will make you beautiful!</p><p>Accepting how you look is important. Without going to plastic surgery (the popularity of which is a testimony to how nuts this whole thing has become), you were born with that nose, those eyes, those lips. Accepting yourself and knowing it won't change is a good idea, because wishing it were different won't make it so!</p><p>Looking good is also about minimizing flaws and building on your assets. Are you in a rut about hairstyle or makeup? Ask a good friend to give you a make-over. Play with your features and wardrobe. There are plenty of average looking people who know how to make themselves shine because they are creative! </p>
5723fbebf90871f676cf46f9	I feel guilty about my fathers death	I spent my whole life taking care of my dad, but left because of his verbally abusive behavior. I was the only one that helped with his health issues. I feel if I hadn't left he might still be alive. I need help dealing with my grief and guilty conscience.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-guilty-about-my-fathers-death	Grief and Loss,Family Conflict	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>I see such a sharp contrast between your question and your first sentence. Do you see it? "I feel guilty about my father's death", and "I spent my WHOLE LIFE taking care of my dad." Wow. After everyone else had left him to his misery, you hung in there. He is so lucky to have had you there. You didn't have to do that. </p><p>I have a hunch that your dad blamed you for a lot of things. Abusive people do that a lot; they make you believe things are your fault when they're not. You did the opposite of what you fear you did. You didn't contribute to your dad's death; your selfless care gave him a longer life...better health. In the end, no one's love and care could save him. </p><p>No one could fault you for deciding you had had enough at some point. I would never expect anyone to keep putting themselves in a hurting place over and over again. But this is what you did. You did it for him, and you did it so you wouldn't feel guilty. But you feel guilty anyway, right?...so putting yourself in that position was only worth it if you allow your loving acts to melt away the guilt. Can you tell yourself "It's okay that I had to take care of myself too."... "I gave up a lot for my dad; I have nothing to feel guilty about".</p><p>Putting yourself last for your dad was a loving thing to do. And... my hope is that you can also find different ways to help yourself feel "good enough" in this world, and a balance between caring for others and caring for yourself.  :)</p>
5726ce09f90871f676cf4789	What is the best way to cope with the loss of someone to suicide?	I recently lost a friend to suicide. I'm smoking marijuana and drinking more to cope with it. How can I handle this better?	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-the-best-way-to-cope-with-the-loss-of-someone-to-suicide	Grief and Loss,Substance Abuse,Trauma	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>I urge you to seek some therapeutic help for this, and also to connect with others who knew your friend, because they're likely feeling the same way. Suicide is difficult to understand, and those left behind have many mixed emotions that make their grief complicated and anguished. Your friend either had an impulse that no one could stop, or they made a big decision that impacted everyone around them. There are other things you can do to cope with this, and it has to do with accepting your powerlessness to stop it, not blaming yourself, forgiving your friend, and finding meaning in their life and yours. You won't find that meaning in a bottle or a joint. I hope you reach out soon. :)</p>
5720221b2c93abc27110732a	How can I care less about what people think?	I always feel the need to impress people, whether it's my family, the people at school, or just random people. I know that no matter what I do or how I change, there will always be some people who hate me. Why do I feel this way?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-care-less-about-what-people-think	Self-esteem	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>My first reaction to this is that It sounds like you rely alot on the impressions and projections of the outside world, that you need validation from other people to compensate for a lack of something on the inside, build yourself up on the inside, work on yourself, use positive affirmations daily, <span style="font-weight: bold;">it would be wise for you to research some self-construct theory and do some self-concept work.</span></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p>
571791ef6720004c63d5292d	My son plays alone at recess.	Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess	Parenting	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size:17.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#333333;mso-font-kerning:18.0pt"><a href="https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess">My son plays alone at recess.</a></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 8.35pt; line-height: 21.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: normal;">Every mom is the expert on their children’s behavior.  First of </span>all,<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: normal;"> I suggest checking with your son, asking him if he is happy while playing alone, or does he complain that no one wants to play with him?  Does he plays alone in school, but is social in other environments, with family or neighbors?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif"">Playing alone is healthy for children, it helps them to be independent and confident, it allows them to explore their environment and use their imagination, among other benefits. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif""> On the other hand, it is also important to develop social skills early on and become confident in our skills as we grow.  Children go through stages of exploration until they develop a sense of “social confidence”. Depending on your son’s age, he might need some input or advice.  Provide the opportunity to interact with other children, without pushing it.  Take him to the park to play with a friend or to children’s activities in your neighborhood.  Later ask him, what did he thought of the activity, and if he enjoyed playing there.  Children also follow their parent’s model, so you can encourage social interaction by greeting other and asking your son to do the same, ask him to receive the guests who come to the house with you and sit to enjoy the conversation. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you notice any shakiness, becoming tearful, anxious or aggressive when approaching social encounters, you may want to talk to the school counselor or children’s therapist to evaluate those symptoms and rule out any behavioral problems or social anxiety.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height:normal"><span style="color: rgb(46, 116, 181); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 107%;">Mi hijo juega solo en el receso.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:11.5pt;line-height:107%; font-family:"Helvetica","sans-serif";color:#767171;mso-themecolor:background2; mso-themeshade:128;mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Debería preocuparme al respecto?  ¿Debería hacer algo al respecto?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Cada mama es experta en la conducta de sus hijos.  Primero que nada te sugiero que revises con tu hijo y le preguntes si él se siente contento jugando solo, o si se queja porque nadie quiere jugar con él.   Observa si él juega solo en la escuela, pero es sociable en otros ambientes como con la familia  o los vecinos. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Jugar solo puede ser saludable para los niños, les ayudo a ser independientes, desarrollan sentido de seguridad, y les permite explorar su ambiente y utilizar su imaginación, entre otros beneficios.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Por otro lado, también es importante desarrollar destrezas sociales y perfeccionarlas con la práctica.   Los niños van por etapas de exploración y prueba hasta que desarrollan un nivel de confianza en sus destrezas sociales.  Dependiendo de la edad de tu hijo, puede que el necesite algunos consejos.  Provéele la oportunidad de interactuar con otros niños, sin obligarlo. Ya sea yendo al parque a jugar con vecinos, o a actividades comunitarias infantiles con algún amigo.  Luego pregúntale como le pareció la actividad y si le gusto compartir allí.  También recuerda que los niños siguen el modelo de sus padres, así que puedes motivarlo invitándolo a que salude a otros después de ti, o invitándolo a recibir a la visita que llega a la casa y que los acompañe durante la conversación.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: normal;">Si observas que tu hijo está nervioso, lloroso, o agresivo cuando se acerca alguna actividad social, consulta con el consejero escolar o un consejero infantil para evaluar sus síntomas y descarta cualquier problema de conducta o ansiedad. </span></p>
570d3d545e87cfae7322eaaa	How can I control my anxiety?	I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-my-anxiety	Anxiety,Depression	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>I agree with Cory. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) does seem to help a lot of people who struggle with anxiety. It's not the only type of therapy that can help, but it seems to help people in a way that is more natural and realistic. As Cory mentioned, anxiety is something that is part of life, so therapies that indicate we can get rid of it are questionable. </p><p>Our natural inclination when we have anxiety is to STOP any and all things that may cause it or provoke it. We do this because we think it will help, but it actually doesn't. Anxiety usually has us rehashing the past or rehearsing the future while ignoring the present. ACT helps folks who have those kinds of tendencies. </p><p>Be well..</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
571791ef6720004c63d5292d	My son plays alone at recess.	Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess	Parenting	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>The answer depends on how the other areas of your son's life are doing.</p><p>Is he happy or does he seem happy, playing alone during recess?</p><p>Does he have friends in other social circles besides the students whom he's with at recess?</p><p>How is his academic progress?</p><p>How is his social integration among his classmates?</p><p>Are there any special or unusual circumstances in the home and family environment?</p><p>Go through this list to form a fuller idea of whether your son simply likes alone time and takes this option during recess, or if any if the above areas show stress or difficulty for him and which need to be further understood and handled.</p>
571791ef6720004c63d5292d	My son plays alone at recess.	Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-son-plays-alone-at-recess	Parenting	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>Humans are social creatures so this can be an alarming thing for a parent to deal with, just like adults children are not the same and some children are more social than others, if he plays alone at recess (all the time) it would worry myself as well, however recess is only one domain of life, does he have friends outside of school or daycare? Does he socialize in other situations or is it just at recess where this occurs? If this is a global problem occurring at other social times it may be indicative of something deeper going on, if perhaps it is occurring "just during recess" it could be something else altogether. I would request reports from all teachers and caregivers concerning socialization and make a choice on whether or not to evaluate further.</p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p>
57250c22f90871f676cf4760	Why is it so hard for me to talk publicly?	I feel really uncomfortable when I have people's attention. It makes me not want to talk in public or answer questions in class. Can I get over this social anxiety?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-talk-publicly	Anxiety,Social Relationships	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Since anxiety usually about anticipating a bad result, or fear of being judged negatively, as though having failed some sort of test, consider what would give you the feeling of anticipating a good result from talking to an audience?</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Maybe, for example, if you prepared and rehearsed your talk more than what you typically would, you'd feel more secure in speaking  in front of an audience.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Once you sort through your particular reason as to the source of your discomfort, it may feel more manageable.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Yes, social anxiety can change.  You may naturally prefer smaller groups than an audience.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">And, it is possible to decrease anxiety in what may always be somewhat uncomfortable for you.</span></p>
570f17f8158c725435c30670	How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance	Trauma	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>This can be tough to do in this money-driven crazy world where many therapists are not taking cases pro-bono anymore and quite often charge exorbitant prices for sessions, however I would ask potential therapists if they do take any cases on pro-bono, I usually reserve some hours for people who simply have no finances but need help, there are still some that do, if your ex-military you can look at "Give and Hour" which is an hour a week for ex-service members, often times you can look to your local pastor, minister or priest (there are still some good ones out there) to help with finding or providing help to you, there are free hotlines you can call that are staffed by knowledgeable people that cost nothing, lastly you may look into getting state insurance which would enable someone to take you on.</p><p>Hope this Helps, <br></p><p>C<br></p>
570f17f8158c725435c30670	How can I get therapy for posttraumatic stress disorder without any money or insurance?	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-therapy-for-posttraumatic-stress-disorder-without-any-money-or-insurance	Trauma	Christopher Smith	https://counselchat.com/therapists/christopher-smith	<p>Depending on the source of your traumatic experience, there may be ways to get free treatment to help you. For example, if your experience was related to your military service, the VA may be able to assist you. If your experience is related to 9/11 and you meet certain criteria, there are ways to get free help. In many states, if you are the victim of a crime, there is a victim's assistance fund that may cover costs of this treatment. Basically, start with the traumatic event(s) you have experienced and move forward from there. <br></p>
572ac70baaeea25a1918b495	Why have I been feeling empty lately?	I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-have-i-been-feeling-empty-lately	Social Relationships,Depression	Christopher Smith	https://counselchat.com/therapists/christopher-smith	<p>There is a difference in someone agreeing to try something and agreeing to continue to do it. Have you ever been willing to try something and then decided you did not like it? A type of food? A sport? A new restaurant? A type of dance? So this does not mean that things have changed between you. It does mean that the two of you may need to spend some time to find out what you both like. </p><p>Instead of looking at it as a rejection, look at it as a challenge, an adventure that the two of you can go on as explorers together. Some couples have even found it helpful to each write down ten things they would like the other person to try and then each person can pick three things from the other person's list to add into their life together when they chose to over the next few weeks. </p>
572ac70baaeea25a1918b495	Why have I been feeling empty lately?	I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-have-i-been-feeling-empty-lately	Social Relationships,Depression	John Rummel	https://counselchat.com/therapists/john-rummel	<p>There are many possible issues to consider as depression  social anxieties, even medical illness.  For some, even grief creates a sense of isolation, pains from relationship break up.  Also, obsessive thinking can be debilitating.  Seeking at least one trusted friend or family member can be a start towards increased personal support.  Some persons may simply feel connected by spending time with someone as this, even if not talking directly on issues, just being around another is positive.  Obviously there is more to explore on this question, given minimal information from two sentences.<br></p>
572b82a0aaeea25a1918b4ae	Do feelings of depersonalization go away?	I've felt this way for two years. I feel so much better now then I did when it started, but it is still there in the back of my mind at all times.	https://counselchat.com/questions/do-feelings-of-depersonalization-go-away	Behavioral Change	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>Best answer that I can give to you is that some level of de-personalization is quite normal for everyone, it will come and go throughout life, kind of like being on a roller-coaster, <span style="font-weight: bold;">"here it is, then it's gone not to return for quite some time", </span>like many things, the more that you fixate on it, the more stress it will cause you, consider it part of life, accept it, and move on, now if your having many, many ,many of these episodes or have some auditory or visual hallucination or disturbances or emotional unbalancing that accompany it than that is definitely something to look at, but for the most part nothing to worry about. <br></p><p>Hope this helps,</p><p>C<br></p>
572ac70baaeea25a1918b495	Why have I been feeling empty lately?	I have a lot on my mind, but all I want to do is stay locked in my room and not socialize with anyone. Why do I feel so alone?	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-have-i-been-feeling-empty-lately	Social Relationships,Depression	Locke Curfman	https://counselchat.com/therapists/locke-curfman	<p>It has been said that depression is often the result of a blocked goal.  Often people struggle with both anxiety and depression but have difficulty determining which is the most important issue. For some, depression is the result of frequently blocked goals and when their predominant issues are evaluated, they discover that they are anxious (worried) about a lot of areas in their life but seem to find no relief.  When there is no relief and there have been numerous attempts (either in their mind or in practical application) to resolve the anxiety, depression is often the result.  In this type of case, depression is not the main or underlying issue. The anxiety is the underlying issue.  Having "a lot on my mind" sounds like anxiety. Unresolved anxiety can lead to feelings of depression which are often associated with "emptiness."  </p><p>In the question above, I would want to evaluate all of the issues surrounding having "a lot on my mind" and determine where these might be coming from. Has there been ongoing rejection from peers? From family? If so, why does this seem to be happening?  Isolation is often a protective measure that one implements to avoid further pain. Where does that need to protect originate?  Are there unmet needs from childhood? Are there traumatic life events that have created a need to self-protect as a defense mechanism? </p><p>We can feel "alone" even when in a crow of people or at a party.  This has nothing, in this case, to do with being around people. It has more to do with how we view ourselves.  If there is a prevailing message or script that has been internalized that says, "You are worth nothing" or "You don't deserve the company of others" then being around people will not alleviate the problem but only exacerbate it. I would want to evaluate how one feels about themselves and what negative messages one has received and has repeated to oneself over time. </p><p>The Developmental Needs Meeting Strategy is a therapy aimed at addressing unmet childhood needs. If there is specific trauma that is associated with socializing with people, then EMDR can be very helpful in desensitizing and reprocessing the trauma.  </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Looking at whether this individual's issue with emptiness is straight depression or whether it is depression as a result of unresolved anxiety is key to determining a treatment strategy. </span><br></p>
572a9142aaeea25a1918b489	I am 20 and miserable.	I have no friends, no hobbies, and no interest in anything. I get annoyed with everything and everyone. I am always tired, i can sleep 8 hrs or 12 hrs and im still tired. I don't know what to do. Is this normal?	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-am-20-and-miserable	Depression	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. It certainly sounds like you don't like how things are going. Here are a few thoughts and ideas:</p><p>1. If you haven't seen a primary care provider in a while, you may want to. There are health conditions that can affect your mood and energy levels, even at your age. It doesn't hurt to get checked out. If they find the cause, they may be able to treat it and improve the symptoms. In addition, most primary care providers are trained to be able to manage medication for patients who have mild, moderate, and sometimes severe depression. So, don't be surprised if your primary care doctor offers to put you on an anti-depressant if they diagnose you with depression. Medication is not the only way to treat depression, but sometimes it is necessary depending on different factors.</p><p>2. You may want to consider counseling, since it is another effective way to treat depression. A counselor will help you explore the factors that may be leading to depressive symptoms in the first place. This could include thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, life experiences, and other things. </p><p>3. Finally, to answer your question about whether these feelings are "normal." These symptoms could be the sign of an underlying general health or mental health condition. It is important to remember that even if these symptoms are "abnormal" it doesn't mean that YOU are. Millions of people struggle with depression. So remember, the symptoms are the problem, not YOU. </p><p><br></p><p>Hope this helps. Be well.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
571866506720004c63d52975	Am I gay if I like neither girls nor guys?	I'm a guy. If I don't like girls, nor do I like guys, does that mean I'm gay?	https://counselchat.com/questions/am-i-gay-if-i-like-neither-girls-nor-guys	LGBTQ	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hi, and thanks for your question. I agree with my colleagues about researching asexuality, but I want too add a couple of things about that:</p><p>Here is a website that you can start with to get some information about asexuality - </p><p>http://www.asexuality.org/home/</p><p>There are a whole lot of myths surrounding asexuality. One is that people who are asexual have absolutely no interest in sex, and that is not always the case. There are variations of asexuality. Some people who are asexual have an interest in sex and others don't. Also, once you read more on this topic, you may find that you don't connect with asexuality either, and that is okay. </p><p>Our society usually thinks of sexual orientations as only being straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual, but the truth is there are many variations of sexual orientations. Keep exploring. There is a good chance that there is a community of people who feel like you do. </p><p>Finally, labels are important for a lot of things, but labeling ourselves can sometimes lead to some painful feelings. Try not to feel pressured to label yourself too quickly. This is your journey. Your experience. Take all the time you need. You may never feel the need to label how you feel, and that is okay, too. </p><p>Hope this helps. Be well.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p> </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
57294f73f90871f676cf4858	My friends don't put effort into our relationship	It's really hard to not have negative feelings about friends who don't put any effort into nourishing our relationship.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-friends-don-t-put-effort-into-our-relationship	Social Relationships	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>One thing I would ask is "why are you still hanging with those {<span style="font-weight: bold;">friends}</span>?" A relationship needs to be nurtured by both parties, it is a dynamic fluctuation between two people. I would ask you to question why you continue to remain together as friends, I always believed that a relationship should emit positivity towards all parties involved, if your in a relationship that is one-sided, it is inevitable that it will start to de-compensate. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Never travel with the circus, never travel with fools, </span>everything in life should have some positive payout, will things at times be negative, of course they will, but in order to keep something or someone in your life there should be more positivity than negativity.</p><p>Hope this helps, <br></p><p>C<br></p>
57207851560e527e064f0760	Why is it so hard for me to be social?	I was in a relationship for almost five years. We were friends for a few years before we got into a relationship. He was a caring, friendly, and charming guy up until three and a half years in. He started controlling me: who I hung out with, where I was at all times, and he had a huge hissy fit if I tried to ask him the same questions. All that time, he just liked me as a friend and was cheating on me with my so-called friends. At the end, he was a nasty and narcissistic person. Now it’s hard to be social.	https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-it-so-hard-for-me-to-be-social	Relationship Dissolution ,Social Relationships	Ben Braaksma	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ben-braaksma	It sounds like you had a very confusing and painful experience in this relationship, and now you feel hesitant to let yourself get close to people. It is understandable that when we are hurt in relationships, we may have trouble trusting and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with others.<br><br>Therapy is a great place to explore the roots of present difficulties in relationships, to unpack what happened in prior relationships, and to find new ways to show up in relationships so that we can have the relaxed intimacy that we want. Often, relationship difficulties represent patterns of relating that we learn early in life which we may feel compelled to act on outside of our awareness and therapy provides an opportunity to become more aware of these patterns so that we can change them, enabling us to feel secure and to seek out satisfying companionship.<br>
572c118baaeea25a1918b4c6	How do I let go of someone who continues to hurt me	Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me. He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard. I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-let-go-of-someone-who-continues-to-hurt-me	Relationship Dissolution	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<div>Hello, and thank you for your question. Boy, ending relationships is tough, isn't it? Sometimes it's tough even when we are 100% sure that it is the right thing to do!</div><div><br></div><div>I am going to give you some of my thoughts, and hopefully some colleagues will add some others. </div><div><br></div><div>One of the things that I want to point out is that "letting go" is not really a <i>thing. </i>In other words, it's not really something you can reach out and grab. It's more of a process. This is good news, because you don't necessarily have to be at the end of the process to end an unhealthy relationship. We just have to accept that there will be feelings that come up even after the relationship is over. </div><div><br></div><div>For example, someone can end an unhealthy relationship today, but then be reminded of the good times on what would have been their "anniversary." This could make the person very sad. They may even regret ending the relationship for a little while. It would important, then, for the person to remind themselves why the relationship needed to end, and that they are healthier because of it. </div><div><br></div><div>This is relevant for you. It's hard to walk away from a relationship. We fear all kinds of things, including being single! Sometimes it's helpful to compare what you are getting out of the relationship to what you want from a relationship. It's helpful to be honest about what we have given up for an unhealthy relationship. </div><div><br></div><div>It's fine to admit uncertainly about ending things. It's okay to be afraid. It's okay to have moments of doubt and sadness along with a dash of guilt. And even with all of that, someone can still leave if it is the healthiest thing for them. They can have sadness later on, and still not go back.</div><div><br></div><div>It sounds like you are feeling responsible for making sure he is okay because of this divorce. The truth is that there is not necessarily a "perfect" time to end any relationship. There would be no guarantee that he would be doing any better after the divorce. </div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes NOT making decisions stresses us out A LOT more than making a decision and living with the consequences, both good and bad. You may be at that crossroads. </div><div><br></div><div>Be well..</div><div><br></div><div>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>
5713bb74a43d56a91bc87035	What can I do about my family not accepting me as bisexual?	After I told them, they yelled at me.	https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-family-not-accepting-me-as-bisexual	LGBTQ,Family Conflict	Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc	<p>Hello, and thank you for your question. I am very sorry that this was your experience with your family. I truly wish I could give you some things to say to them that would change their reaction, but unfortunately I can't do that. Their acceptance of you is a journey, just like coming out is a journey for you. </p><p>Sometimes families initially respond this way, but after time they become more accepting and even supportive. Unfortunately, there is no way to know for sure if that will happen. So, here are a few things I would suggest:</p><p>Surround yourself with people and things that remind you that you really are okay as you are. That won't take the place of your family's acceptance, and I won't even pretend that it would, but it may help during those days when it hurts the most. And that is really important. </p><p>Patience is not something that many of us are really good at, but this type of situation sometimes forces you to have some. When families first learn something like this, they may go through a period of shock. And then sometimes even grieving. They may even be worried if they are of a particular religion where being bisexual is forbidden. These things can take time for them to reconcile, so it may just take some patience. If it is safe for you, try to talk to them, but if it becomes painful or hurtful then you have the right to walk away. </p><p>I do recommend setting up some personal boundaries for yourself, and perhaps learn some assertiveness skills if you feel you struggle with them. The reason I feel that this is important is that people sometimes take a lot of abuse from family members and friends in times like you're describing. </p><p>They may want to be accepted so much that they put themselves in hurtful positions over and over again hoping that their families will come around. They may, or they may not. And if they don't, you deserve to live a life free of abuse and to feel confident and assured of who you are. To be surrounded by folks who remind you of that. </p><p>If you start seeing this pattern and you are struggling, chatting with counselor may be a great idea. I am bias probably, but I think chatting with a counselor is ALWAYS a good idea. :) </p><p>Hope this helps. Be well. Be you. </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p>
572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed	My sister and my husband had an affair.	It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair	Family Conflict,Marriage	TINA R. DODSON	https://counselchat.com/therapists/tina-r-dodson	<p>A mediated safe talk session between. You and your sister.</p><p>Then, you and your husband have a mediated safe talk.  S<span style="line-height: 1.42857143;">o both hear what you feel in the respective relationships. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857143;">Possibly the last step is a mediated  safe talk with sister, husband and youcoversation, in the future.</span></p>
572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed	My sister and my husband had an affair.	It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair	Family Conflict,Marriage	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>What is going on in your life that brings up more sensitivity to the affair?</p><p>The best way of handling your hurt is by noticing your own feelings and the current circumstances that increase your sense of pain.</p><p>Concentrate on your own life and making your life the best it can be.</p><p><br></p>
572c118baaeea25a1918b4c6	How do I let go of someone who continues to hurt me	Ive been in an on an off relationship with a this man for almost 3 years. Even though I care about him, he continues to hurt me. He and his wife were separated when we met. Now he's going through a really difficult divorce from her and is taking it really hard. I want to end this relationship, but I don't feel like I can. How can I let go?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-let-go-of-someone-who-continues-to-hurt-me	Relationship Dissolution	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>First decide what you truly would like in the current relationship. Understand your reasons for staying in the relationship.</p><p>Three years is a substantial amount of time to be involved with someone.   Whatever attachment you feel toward this man is deep and complex.</p><p>Instead of deciding to leave or not leave, change your question to figuring out your satisfactions and dissatisfaction with the man. </p><p>Also important is to tell the man your feelings.</p><p>Whatever problem you are feeling may become clarified by discussing what bothers you.</p><p>At the very least, you will give the guy a chance to show how interested he actually is in the tension you currently feel and have felt for a while.</p><p><br></p>
572ac2e3aaeea25a1918b493	How do I get back on my feet while going through a bad divorce?	I am going through a divorce. He is extremely angry. He refuses to physically assist me with our teenager daughter. I have no extended family support. Often times, I feel overwhelmed, tired, and joyless. I feel out of control, sad and depressed on a daily basis. I am just going through the motions of life every day. I am in my mid-50s. I have almost 29 years on my job. How can I handle this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-back-on-my-feet-while-going-through-a-bad-divorce	Relationship Dissolution ,Depression	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Going through a divorce is often a very low point for the people involved.</p><p>Are you surprised that your soon to be ex doesn't help with your teenage daughter?</p><p>Usually patterns and dynamics in parenting are not  sudden developments.</p><p>Is it possible that what you're feeling now is more intensity to the stress of parenting by yourself, not that this is a sudden problem?</p><p>This is relevant because you may be more familiar and more capable than you're giving yourself credit.  </p><p>The lack of emotional support is definitely stressful.</p><p>Your parenting skills may still be at the level at which they were prior to the divorce.</p><p><br></p><p>Take your emotional weariness seriously and reflect on the various ways of stress relief which are available and interest you.</p><p>Give yourself extra time to rest, nurture yourself and be flexible in finding what feels right for stabilizing yourself.</p><p>Since you talk about your daughter and help in physical ways, if it is a matter of strength that you need, talk with your attorney so that the child custody agreement includes whatever is physically necessary in the way of strength, in taking care of your daughter.</p><p>The Courts are very good at making effort that the custody agreement offers proper care to the kids.</p>
57315167aaeea25a1918b5f0	I think my daughter is stressing too much.	When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal.	https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-my-daughter-is-stressing-too-much	Stress,Parenting	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>Its hard to answer this question based on the information presented but I shall give it a go, Is it possible that your daughter is <span style="font-weight: bold;">afraid of failing</span>, I've seen many children and kids who get stressed out over grades or performance in sports, can you tell me "what was <span style="font-weight: bold;">your </span>grade in fourth grade English? Or what was the score of the 7th game <span style="font-weight: bold;">you </span>played in football when you were a junior? Much of what happens to us is insignificant and we worry over things which really , in the long term don't matter much to us. But ask yourself this question, Is your daughters reaction to what is going grossly out of proportion with what would normally be expected, if the answer is yes, a visit to a psychotherapist might not be a bad idea to learn some coping skills and to alter our reaction to life.<br></p>
57310529aaeea25a1918b5de	How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn?	I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-lack-of-intimacy-and-partner-s-addiction-to-solo-sex-and-porn	Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality	Cory Ian Shafer LPC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc	<p>It sounds like your in quite a rough place, my recommendation just based on what you type might warrant a visit to a psychotherapist to resolve what may be going on, I am not entirely sure but it sounds like he might have a bit of a sex addiction problem. One thing you need to ask yourself is "Am I happy?", "Do I feel loved?", these are deep questions, but the answers to those questions will give you a direction to travel in. <br></p>
5731753eaaeea25a1918b5fa	How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?	My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-and-depression-so-i-can-feel-normal-again	Anxiety,Depression	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">routine.  Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.  These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">affects</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.  Once basic</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.  If you have difficulty initiating</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process.  You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">options</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">if it’s too challenging to begin basic</span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;">self-care.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="color: rgb(31, 78, 121); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 17pt; line-height: 115%;">¿Cómo puedo manejar mi ansiedad y depresión para sentirme normal otra vez?</span><br></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="color: rgb(59, 56, 56); font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Mi motivación se ha ido. Es difícil salir de la cama.  No sé qué hacer.  Soy Miserable.  Mi ansiedad y depresión han tomado el control de mi vida.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.  Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.  Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.  También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico. </span></p>
570d3d545e87cfae7322eaaa	How can I control my anxiety?	I started having anxiety three months ago. I'm new to having anxiety, and it's making me depressed.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-control-my-anxiety	Anxiety,Depression	Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC	https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc	<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;">One of the first steps is to manage anxiety and depression symptoms are to establish a good self-care routine.  Start with the most basic things: Eating balanced meals, sleeping at from 6-8 hours and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.  These will help you to regulate the chemical imbalance that affects your mood, plus exercising gives you time to vent and be distracted from your thoughts.  Once basic self-care is established, I suggest that is a good time to start exploring the source of these feelings, and address them trough therapy.  If you have difficulty initiating self-care routine talk to your therapist about what motivates you and pushes you to do things, you might find the key during the process.  You could also contact your physician or a psychiatrist to discuss medication options if it’s too challenging to begin basic self-care.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%; font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span lang="ES-PR" style="font-size:17.0pt;line-height:115%;font-family: "Helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:"Times New Roman";color:#1F4E79; mso-ansi-language:ES-PR">¿Cómo puedo controlar mi ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom:0in;margin-bottom:.0001pt;line-height: 115%"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 115%;">Uno de los primeros pasos para manejar la ansiedad y la depresión es establecer una buena rutina de cuidado personal.  Comienza con las cosas más básicas: Comer comidas balanceadas, dormir de 6-8 horas en la noche, y ejercitarte por lo menos 30 minutos al día. Esto te ayudara a regular el desbalance químico que afecta tu estado de ánimo, además de que te da tiempo para desahogarte y distraerte.  Ya que la rutina de cuidado eta establecida, es un buen momento para comenzar a explorar la fuente de tus sentimientos negativos, y explóralos a través de terapia. Si se dificulta comenzar a crear una rutina puedes consultar con tu terapista para identificar motivaciones que te impulsen a comenzar.  También puedes contactar a tu medico primario o psiquiatra para discutir medicamentos que te pueden ayudar a manejar estos síntomas e iniciar cuidado básico. </span></p>
5731753eaaeea25a1918b5fa	How can I manage my anxiety and depression so I can feel normal again?	My motivation has gone away. It's hard to get out of bed. I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm miserable. My anxiety and depression have taken over my life.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-manage-my-anxiety-and-depression-so-i-can-feel-normal-again	Anxiety,Depression	Daniel Kelley-Petersen	https://counselchat.com/therapists/daniel-kelley-petersen	<p>Anxiety and Depression are challenging experiences to live with and to manage on a daily basis. I would say that both are challenges to overcome but solutions to living healthy and well exist. Step 1: Talk about it. With friends, family, partners, counselors, and other trusted people in your life. Step 2: Create a plan with a counselor to learn new skills that help you recognize and manage your symptoms. Step 3: Don't give up. Working on yourself can be difficult and hard at the beginning. Stick with it and you will be able to find exercises, tools, and resources that help you live well. <br></p>
573163c9aaeea25a1918b5f2	My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life.	We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-wants-to-know-every-details-of-my-sex-life	Relationships,Intimacy	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>How is he penalizing you?</p><p>Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?</p><p>His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.</p><p>What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.</p><p>Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.</p>
572fe1a1aaeea25a1918b58c	Is there a reason I have always been attracted to men much older then me?	I am a young adult, and I was sexually assaulted by an older man when I was a teenager (which has really intensified the guilt/shame). However, I've been attracted to much older men since I was even younger than that.	https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-a-reason-i-have-always-been-attracted-to-men-much-older-then-me	Human Sexuality	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Sometimes the reason for being attracted to older men is because of growing up with a father who was distant.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">If you grew up having enough interaction with your dad to know you'd have liked more and didn't receive this, then maybe your longings of childhood are still active within you.</span><br></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">It is ok to like older men.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Just be sure you're not idealizing them, or anyone else.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Because regardless of age, a relationship is based on who the two people really are, not how we'd like imagining them.</span></p>
56904134946f1cbf3dc6a875	My traditional family is opposed to me moving in with my boyfriend who is 13 years older.	null	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-traditional-family-is-opposed-to-me-moving-in-with-my-boyfriend-who-is-13-years-older	Relationships,Family Conflict	Sherry Katz, LCSW	https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw	<p>Has any of your family members told you their reasons for their opinion?</p><p>Find this out first.</p><p>If you have a somewhat reasonable relationship with family members, their views may give you insight on your relationship and on you.</p><p>How much do you care about what your family is telling you?</p><p>Maybe be honest with first yourself and then your family about appreciating their interest and concern, and that you've different ideas on ways to live, than they do.</p><p>As long as you and your family are able to talk about the differences between your points of view, then everyone is supporting good will.</p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">This makes living with any disagreements, much easier.</span><br></p>
572c4d60aaeea25a1918b4ed	My sister and my husband had an affair.	It was over 20 years ago, but the pain has resurfaced again now because I have started seeing her Facebook posts about how great her life is. I feel so angry. How can I handle this?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-sister-and-my-husband-had-an-affair	Family Conflict,Marriage	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Emotional pain is different from physical pain that way, isn't it? Even many years later, an old wound can be ripped open again by a small trigger.</p><p>You were betrayed by two people close to you. That's a complex injury. I don't know whether you're still in the marriage or not, or whether your sister is still in your life. Perhaps not, as your contact with her seems to be through watching her facebook activity. </p><p>I'm curious about why you're just now seeing her facebook posts again. Are you feeling more open lately to seeing how she's doing in her life? I guess if you were open to having your sister even in the periphery of your life again, you will have to figure out how to handle those triggers. If you can't, maybe consider unfollowing her or detaching from facebook for a while. </p><p>So your sister is happy, or she at least appears happy. Your mind might go to some unhelpful places, like "She doesn't regret the affair" (you don't know that), "She doesn't deserve happiness" (that would be a harsh judgement), or "She doesn't care that I'm hurt" (again, there's no evidence of that). Where does your mind go? It's important to identify your worst thoughts in connection to her. </p><p>When you have those worst thoughts identified, ask yourself "What evidence supports that thought as truth?" It's likely that either there's no evidence, or that the truth is so far from you that you can't know what she's feeling or thinking, which makes having those thoughts pretty futile.</p><p>A therapist can help you determine what emotions are being triggered here. It doesn't help you and your happiness to carry around resentment, ill wishes, or the need for revenge. Forgiveness is not about saying that something was "okay". It's about saying "It happened. I accept that I can't change it, and I don't want to carry the emotional burden around all the time". Forgiveness is putting it down. She... (trust me this is true)...she carries her own burden of shame for what she did. For you to spend time feeling angry doesn't affect her burden. It only adds to yours. </p><p>Can you find the tender emotion under your anger? You're hurt. Validate that hurt. Honour that hurt. Take care of that hurt. You can stay away from people who disregard your needs, and you have the power to forgive those who make mistakes out of their simple humanity if you want them in your life. </p><p>If you continue to struggle, please seek the help of a professional who can assist you in navigating these waters. :)</p>
57316ca0aaeea25a1918b5f8	My husband said he loves me but is not in love with me.	My husband and I are in our 40s. We’ve been married 17 years. Three weeks ago, he said he loves me but is not in love with me. He was going to leave me, but he said he thought about it and decided to stay. I don't know how to feel any more. How should I take what he said and not feel so hurt? He has been very blunt, and hurtful words just come out of his mouth. He makes me feel like I'm nothing, but I so dearly love him with everything in me. He said it wasn’t a mid-life crisis.	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-said-he-loves-me-but-is-not-in-love-with-me	Marriage,Intimacy	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>I get it. Your husband tells you that he's not in love with you, but oops, he's changed his mind and will tolerate you for a while longer? Excuse me? My Dear, it's okay if you expect more than that from a marriage. Maybe the question has shifted from whether he is happy in the marriage to whether you are happy in the marriage. You say you love this man,  who makes you "feel like nothing". I say it might be time to sit down with an individual therapist and look objectively at your marriage and whether it's working for you. </p><p><br></p>
573163c9aaeea25a1918b5f2	My boyfriend wants to know every details of my sex life.	We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him?	https://counselchat.com/questions/my-boyfriend-wants-to-know-every-details-of-my-sex-life	Relationships,Intimacy	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>Not in my book. You're only two months in? At this early stage, this is a bit of a warning sign. If he can't accept or feel comfortable with who you are and decisions you've made, there's already a level of discomfort here that shouldn't be ignored. No, he doesn't have the right to penalize you or punish you ...not just for past things...not for anything. What he does get to do it tell you how it affects him. Sure...if he feels uncomfortable or needs reassurance...listen to those things. But If he doesn't dig who you are, maybe he can walk the other way. </p>
57310529aaeea25a1918b5de	How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn?	I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest.	https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-lack-of-intimacy-and-partner-s-addiction-to-solo-sex-and-porn	Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality	Lynda Martens	https://counselchat.com/therapists/ms-lynda-martens-london-ontario	<p>There is a lot of information out there right now about how porn is harmful...to a person's brain chemistry, to a relationship and one's ability to love, and to how men see women and sex in general. Your partner demonstrates a clear disregard for your needs. There is evidence, as you suggest, that there is addiction here. I recommend seeing a therapist who can help you sort out where to go from here. </p>