questionID
stringlengths 24
24
| questionTitle
stringlengths 16
146
⌀ | questionText
stringlengths 26
2.7k
⌀ | questionUrl
stringlengths 34
178
| topics
stringlengths 5
71
⌀ | therapistName
stringlengths 7
64
| therapistUrl
stringlengths 42
98
| answerText
stringlengths 11
224k
| upvotes
int64 0
0
|
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
5762b25dca5745ed07aa1494 | How can I find myself again? | I just don't know what I want in life anymore. I'm can't figure out what it is that is keeping me distracted and unfocused. I can't put things into perspective at all. I'm just stuck, and I'm disappointed with my lack of accomplishments. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-find-myself-again | Self-esteem,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds as if you would benefit from talking with a local mental health professionals so you can discuss some details.</p><p>Having said that, I wonder if you could consider how you would define yourself to someone who doesn't know you. For example, honest, adaptable, fun-loving, dependable, compassionate, open-minded, dedicated, etc. If you're looking for a list of adjectives, try these: https://www.englishclub.com/vocabulary/adjectives-personality-positive.htm . There is a list of negative ones here too. If you're going to use those, try to use three positive ones for each of the negative ones. You could also try asking yourself what you love about yourself and/or what others love about you. Sometimes it's easier to consider what others see as our positive points and if this is difficult for you, try asking someone who you trust to help you with the list.</p><p>The idea here is to look at your relationship with yourself. I don't mean this in a way that you would be talking to yourself and receiving answers, but rather looking at yourself in a way that you deserve the same kind of loving and compassion that you give to others or want others to have.</p><p>I'm also curious as to whether you are eating and sleeping okay, as these things can really affect your focus and many other changes, such as differences in your emotions. Also, you saying that you are struggling to put things into perspective leads me to believe that you are going through some things right now that are not typical for you, if so, consider from whom you have support and the ability to talk about what you are going through.</p><p>Consider Metta meditation here to help give yourself loving kindness: http://www.mettainstitute.org/mettameditation.html</p> | 0 |
576256def1d8c4b515badc7d | Why do I feel like I don't belong anywhere? | There are many people willing to lovingly provide me with a home. I have food, clothes, and a university education, but I never feel like I belong. Even when I have a good time with people who are supposed to be close, I feel like I'm just out with friends and I never go home. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-don-t-belong-anywhere | Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>For some people, having a sense of belonging takes some time.</p><p>You mentioned that you have an education and some basic daily needs. I wonder if you may be able to look at your relationship with yourself and what makes you feel happy, safe, and having a sense of accomplishment. If you have those feelings, I wonder how you define trust and who you trust.</p><p>You say you have a good time with people who are "supposed to be close," so I wonder what keeps them from feeling close. I have also wondering if you have been emotionally hurt in the past, and if so, you may have some protective defenses that you use (maybe on purpose, maybe not) to protect yourself from being hurt again. Remember that this idea comes in degrees where you can be more perfect in certain situations and a little less in others. Being emotionally protected is on a spectrum or continuum, where you can make an infinite amount of adjustments or changes with different people and situations.</p><p>I also wonder what it is that you want in your "home," and how you define it. Consider giving yourself permission to think about how you would define your perfect home in a world where there were no realistic restrictions (such as money or location). After you have that, consider what parts of that you can have. Perhaps there is a small part that you could make a reality within a week or so.</p><p>Thank you for reaching out. If this continues to be difficult for you, consider seeing a local mental health professional so you can discuss some more specific details.</p> | 0 |
57610b6316780993511710ea | Why do I feel like I'm nothing more than a wife and mom? | I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-feel-like-i-m-nothing-more-than-a-wife-and-mom | Family Conflict,Depression,Self-esteem | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sound like there are some parts of your life that you really enjoy it and also some things that you wish were different.</p><p>You say you feel like nothing more than a wife and mom, so I wonder if you could make a list of what else you are (friend, daughter, etc.). I also wonder if you could list your positive attributes or skills.</p><p>I don't know what you gave up, but I wonder if there is some way that you could spend an hour or so a week working on things that you like and/or spending some time with what you did before you had children. For example, if you're missing a certain part of your career, maybe you could work with your husband to come up with a plan where you could do whenever that is for one day a week. There are often a lot of small changes that can lead you in that direction.</p><p>Of course, that is assuming that you want to continue being involved with what you were doing before. If not, what else do you want to do? What is it that makes you feel happy? What do you look forward to? Remember that looking forward to having an hour or two where you can do something for yourself does not mean that you are not a good mother or wife. These ideas can coexist.</p><p>Can you talk with your husband about how you are feeling? Do you have trust for one another with feelings such as these?</p> | 0 |
5760c04716780993511710e2 | Is it normal to take a parent role and feel so hurt and broken as a teenager? | I'm a teenager. My dad has been jail for the last five years. It's tough, but my mom really tries to give a normal life to my two sisters, my brother, and I. I feel like I took upon a parent role when I'm the second youngest, and I'm not stable. My mother and sisters say I'm overdramatic. I’m just so hurt, and I keep breaking down. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-take-a-parent-role-and-feel-so-hurt-and-broken-as-a-teenager | Family Conflict,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds like you have a lot of weight on your shoulders.</p><p>I'm not sure what you mean when you say you're not stable and you are breaking down. If you are crying because you're sad, that is okay. If you are crying a lot or having trouble eating or sleeping, that's different than just crying sometimes because you are sad. It may be helpful to talk with a local mental health professional in your area. They can help you to figure out what you could do differently to have the role in your family that you would like while also supporting yourself and what you want.</p> | 0 |
5762370df1d8c4b515badc75 | What can I do about my boyfriend being so close with another girl? | My boyfriend has this close female friend. It always bothered me because of how close they are, so I decided to meet her. That made the situation worse because they were even closer than what I thought. They acted like a couple rather than friends with each other. There was no physical interaction, but he talks to this girl a lot. What can I do? Leaving him isn't an option. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-about-my-boyfriend-being-so-close-with-another-girl | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I wonder if you could have a conversation with your boyfriend about how you are feeling. A few things may help with that:</p><ul><li>Try having the conversation you are both able to have a conversation about something that is important (for example, not during a commercial for a TV show)</li><li>Maybe your boyfriend will be willing to listen to you for about five minutes asking questions to learn more about your experience, kind of like an investigative reporter would</li><li>See if your boyfriend is able to capture the essence of what you're saying by summarizing it for you</li><li>Remember that hearing you and following what you're saying does not mean that he agrees</li><li>Also consider if there are events in your past that are affecting the way you are looking at this relationship between your boyfriend and this other girl (we all bring our own histories into relationships and we unconsciously expect that what has worked in other relationships will work in current ones)</li><li>Then you can switch so that you can hear more about what he is experiencing (for example, what it is that he likes about her)</li><li>Also consider having a discussion that if one of you becomes very emotional and needs a break from the discussion, discuss having a timeout that will last for a certain time frame (usually between 15 minutes and one hour) and then come back to continue the discussion</li><li>Remember that the goal here is just to learn more about what each of you is going through, not to find a solution right away</li></ul><p>This can be difficult. Consider working with a couples therapist to discuss it together.</p> | 0 |
57622fb4f1d8c4b515badc74 | What can I do when my boyfriend says he's not ready for marriage? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-when-my-boyfriend-says-he-s-not-ready-for-marriage | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I don't know if you have any details regarding what makes him say he is not ready for marriage.</p><p>It may also be helpful to look at what is making marriage so important to you right now.</p><p>Maybe this is something around which you could have a conversation where you each listen to each other for about five minutes and try to ask questions about what the other person is experiencing to gain more clarity about what is happening. This particular type of conversation wouldn't be about reaching a certain solution, but just understanding more about yourselves and each other. I also recommend prefacing that conversation with asking if the person is open to having a discussion that is important at that time.</p><p>If this proves to be a difficult discussion, consider seeing a therapist who specializes in couples. Even if only one of you goes to see a counselor, you may have some clarification.</p><p>In the meantime, try to look at what you have that makes you feel valued, special, and loved. Perhaps you can look at the things that make your boyfriend feel that way as well.</p> | 0 |
576223bcf1d8c4b515badc72 | Why can't my mom ever be proud of me? | She constantly tells me what I am doing wrong. For once, I want her to be proud of me. It’s like no matter what I do, she does not have one nice word to say to me. She is always hateful towards me and always has been. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-can-t-my-mom-ever-be-proud-of-me | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I imagine this is very difficult and confusing for you.</p><p>It sounds like there are things for which you are proud of yourself, which is really good. I hope there are also other people in your life that are currently able to recognize the good things that you're doing.</p><p>If you think your mom would be willing to go to see a local mental health professional with you, that may be a good place to have some discussions about the relationship that the two of you have. The reason I'm suggesting that it may be easier to have the conversations there is because sometimes the mental health professional can point out parts of conflict that are not easy for the people who are involved to actually see by themselves.</p><p>If you want to try to talk with you mom to see how she is feeling, maybe she would be willing to discuss it with you. If you're going to have a conversation like that, I would suggest you try these things:</p><ul><li>Ask her if this would be a good time to have an important conversation. If she says no, consider asking her when would be a better time.</li><li>Try to have the conversation with the goal of taking about five minutes to learn more about where she is coming from on this. If you can ask questions to learn more about that, you may be able to know more about what she is thinking and feeling.</li><li>This doesn't mean that you have to agree with her, but just that you are able to hear where she is coming from.</li><li>Try to ask questions that start with the words who, what, how, where, when. Questions that start with the word "why" can be difficult to answer and can lead to a lot of extra emotion.</li><li>Try to summarize what she is saying to see if you have it right.</li><li>If you want your mom to know how you feel, after you can listen to what she is saying and see if she is willing to listen to what you would like to say.</li><li>If you're going to tell your mom about how you feel, consider having some points written down ahead of time so you can explain yourself the way that you want to.</li><li>It will probably be really hard to listen to her without being defensive right away. I know I would be wanting to jump right into the conversation. Remember that jumping in right away will probably make it more difficult to learn where your mom is coming from.</li><li>Also, if she says she doesn't want to have a conversation, remember that she has that choice.</li></ul><p>If your mom does not want to go to see a counselor with you, remember that you could go on your own. Depending on your state and exactly how old you are, you may need your parent's permission to be in treatment, but not always. If you need help to figure that out, try contacting a couple of local mental health agencies to see if they can help you figure out what to do if you want to talk to someone.</p> | 0 |
5761f178f1d8c4b515badc5c | Did I make a mistake breaking up with a guy who said his ex-girlfriend will always be on his mind? | He was in love with someone years ago, and he still thinks about her time to time. He said, and I quote, "That relationship is definitely over. I love you, but that girl will always be in my mind." It just didn't feel like he appreciated all the things I've done to make him happy. | https://counselchat.com/questions/did-i-make-a-mistake-breaking-up-with-a-guy-who-said-his-ex-girlfriend-will-always-be-on-his-mind | Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds like you were in a tough spot here.</p><p>I'm not able to tell you whether or not you made a mistake because the decision is yours. I am wondering what led you to ask whether you made a mistake and whether you wish you were still in the relationship with this guy. If so, is it an option to talk about this with him?</p><p>If you decide to get back together, consider having some conversations about what your concerns are and taking about five minutes or so to listen to this guy's thoughts, feelings, etc. Then see if you can repeat the essence of what he said to make sure you have it right. Then maybe you can ask some questions that you have and see if he is willing to listen. When each of you is in the role of asking questions, try to ask them as if you are an investigative reporter trying to learn more about each other's experience.</p><p>If you are looking for information on coping with breaking up and you don't want to get back together or that's not an option, consider looking at how you define yourself and what is most important to you at this moment. I hear you saying you've done a lot of things to make him happy. I'm wondering what is making you happy. Hopefully you have friends or family that you can trust and talk to. Even if you don't talk about your relationship with all of them, I hope you have some people around whom you can be emotionally safe and comfortable.</p> | 0 |
576442d0ca5745ed07aa14b9 | How do I cope with a break up if we still live together? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-a-break-up-if-we-still-live-together | Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I'm not sure whether you're asking for help to cope with the relationship between you or feelings that you are having.</p><p>This may be a good time to talk about what kind of relationship you want to have (whether friends, just people who are sharing a living space, etc.) and what boundaries you both have as far as personal space, belongings, conversation, etc. There are a lot of different pieces to consider and it may be helpful to take a day or two to consider the ways in which you typically interact and make a list of the things that you would like to discuss.</p><p>When you are discussing whatever relationship you are going to have now, consider taking the time to listen to how each of you feel and think about different things that are most important to you. Hearing the other person's point of view does not mean that you have to agree, but just the you can see where they're coming from.</p><p>If you are asking how better to cope with your own feelings, there can be a lot of different emotional reactions to a breakup. It is certainly expected that you could have lots of feelings related to sadness, nervousness, anger, and many other things. Having these emotions is okay. If you find that it is difficult to eat or sleep (beyond a few days) or its difficult for you to follow through with other daily activities, you may consider talking with a local therapist. It can be helpful to have someone there to discuss thoughts and feelings that you have and be there to help you consider your next steps.</p><p> Try to be patient with yourself as you work through this.</p> | 0 |
575e87241678099351171091 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | Anxiety | Vivian D. Echevarria Guzman, MSC, LPC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/vivian-d-echevarria-guzman-msc-lpc-ncc | <p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span helvetica","sans-serif";mso-fareast-font-family:="" "times="" new="" roman""="" style="font-size: 11.5pt;">Yes, it seems like you may have a type of anxiety: but considering that it is intermittent, it may be a good idea to talk to a therapist and explore what triggers the anxiety. Different types of anxiety are caused by different scenarios, memories, or stressors. Once you identify what triggers the anxiety, you may be able to identify the coping mechanism that will help you handle your symptoms.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span lang="ES-PR" helvetica","sans-serif";="" mso-fareast-font-family:"times="" new="" roman";color:#2e74b5;mso-themecolor:accent1;="" mso-themeshade:191;mso-ansi-language:es-pr"="" style="font-size: 16pt;">¿Tengo algún tipo de ansiedad?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">A veces estoy bien, puedo salir a reunirme con personas, pero otros días, mi corazón se acelera y las palabras no salen de mi boca. Siempre pensé que era normal y que solo estaba nervioso, pero el otro día, me tomo casi 30 minutos encontrar el valor para salir del carro y entrar a Target.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 16.75pt; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-size: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial;"><span style="font-size: 11.5pt; line-height: 16.75pt;">Si parece que tienes un tipo de ansiedad, y considerando que es intermitente, puede ser útil hablar con un consejero para explorar su causa. Hay diferentes tupos de ansiedad que son causados por diferentes estímulos, memorias y escenarios. Ya que logres identificar que causa tu ansiedad, entonces podrás aprender mecanismos de defensa que te ayuden a controlar la ansiedad. </span></p> | 0 |
575265fac792dd6c7063e5dd | My husband only has sex with me once a month or less. | I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-husband-only-has-sex-with-me-once-a-month-or-less | Marriage,Intimacy,Human Sexuality | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> Feeling rejected and frustrated is a reasonable reaction to your experience with your husband. I want to encourage you that his actions may have little to do with you, and regardless of outcomes, I hope you find the help you need to process through your pain and still have hope for your marriage.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> If your husband was to work with me I'd explore with him his understanding of, and experience with, intimacy in relationship with others.</span> Furthermore, like other male clients of mine, I'd challenge your husband to secure an upd<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">ated full medical exam from his PCP (primary care physician) and/or urologist in order to identify or rule out any organic issues which may be causing his apparent lack of desire for sexual intimacy. If there are no physical issues, </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857; font-style: italic;">per se</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">, I would encourage your husband to process further his family of origin story-line regarding rules, roles, sex, and sexuality along with working through his sexual and trauma histories. </span><br></p> | 0 |
57310529aaeea25a1918b5de | How do I deal with a lack of intimacy and partner's addiction to solo sex and porn? | I believe my partner has a masturbation and porn problem. He masturbates daily, even when I am lying in bed sleeping beside him. We have sex once a week. He is rough and worries about his needs. He never touches me, and treats me like a porn star, wanting to finish on my face or chest. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-a-lack-of-intimacy-and-partner-s-addiction-to-solo-sex-and-porn | Intimacy,Relationships,Human Sexuality | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> The comments here from the other therapists are "spot on". As a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist-Candidate I'm convinced your partner's acting out creates trauma for you. Your partner's addiction is NOT your fault and his recovery IS his responsibility. What's paramount is for you to get immediate help from an experienced therapist who understands trauma as result of the partner's/spouse's problematic sexual behaviors. Your needs, safety, and the establishment of reasonable boundaries is vital to your well-being. I wish you the very best.</p><p>Resources for Your Consideration: 1) https://www.iitap.com/, 2) https://www.sanon.org/, 3) http://www.cosa-recovery.org/</p> | 0 |
5756ea7bc792dd6c7063e723 | I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. | I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-soon-to-be-married-and-i-ve-been-messing-around-with-others | Relationships,Intimacy,LGBTQ | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> It took a lot of courage to share what must be so shameful to you and to ask for help. Regardless of your sexual attraction/orientation, I'd encourage you to get honest with yourself and your partner/fiancee and put a temporary hold on your wedding plans -- <span style="font-style: italic;">getting married will NOT resolve your acting out</span>. It seems to me you need more space, time to sort through with an experienced therapist more of your sex/sexuality story-line and apparent anxiety surrounding the upcoming nuptials. In the immediate I encourage you to also take the initiative to have yourself tested for STDs, etc. and if you've been sexually intimate with your partner/fiancee s/he needs to be similarly tested. Best wishes.</p><p>Resources for Your Consideration: 1) The book "Not Gay: Sex between Straight White Men" by Jane Ward, 2) http://www.sca-recovery.org/, 3) https://slaafws.org/</p><h1 id="title" class="a-size-large a-spacing-none" style="padding: 0px; margin-top: 0px; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility; color: rgb(17, 17, 17); margin-bottom: 0px !important; font-size: 21px !important; line-height: 1.3 !important;"><br></h1> | 0 |
568ff288946f1cbf3dc6a84a | Should my step-daughters be told that their step-father has a child pornography addiction? | My husband’s ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband’s ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite. | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-my-step-daughters-be-told-that-their-step-father-has-a-child-pornography-addiction | Parenting,Family Conflict | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> The information from the other therapists here is sound and prudent. There are what sounds to be real legal (is this man a RSO [registered sex offender]; is he prohibited from being in proximity to minors? use/possession of child porn violates any # of state and federal statues...) and safety issues at play here. Your husband's daughters have an immediate "need to know" and this can be done developmentally-contextual, factually and in a non-shaming fashion. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I would further counsel that you and your husband (his daughters welfare is at stake) seek immediate legal counsel. </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">The ex-wife here seems to be between a "rock and a hard place" of her own creation -- she desperately needs care, treatment for herself. </span></p><p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Resources for Your Consideration</span>: 1) http://www.missingkids.com/home; 2) https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography</p> | 0 |
575b1098c792dd6c7063e80b | My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog. | I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-apartment-manager-won-t-let-me-keep-an-emotional-support-dog | Anxiety,Depression,Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>This can be a difficult situation. Typically, only animals that are specifically trains to accomplish a specific task are legally protected as Service Animsls. Even though that can be very helpful, emotional support animals are not generally protected in the same way.</p><p>You might not be able to make your landlord accommodate you. If possible, you may want to consider a different apparent that is more animal friendly.</p> | 0 |
576345ceca5745ed07aa14af | My ex-boyfriend say we're finished but still acts like we aren't | I've been with a man for four years. For the last year, he has said he is done, but he still talks, texts, visits, and has not moved on with anyone else. His words do not match his actions. I love this man, but it's hurting so much. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-ex-boyfriend-say-we-re-finished-but-still-acts-like-we-aren-t | Relationships | Catherine Misita | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-misita | <p>That does sound very confusing...and hurtful. You do not have to tolerate someone treating you in a way that hurts you. It may be helpful to decide where the boundaries are for you and to stay true to them in your interactions with him. You teach other people how they are allowed to treat you.</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5756ea7bc792dd6c7063e723 | I'm soon to be married, and I've been messing around with others. | I’m a man, and I’m soon to be married. I have been messing around with other men on the side. It started as a once in a while thing, but it’s been happening a lot. I don't know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-soon-to-be-married-and-i-ve-been-messing-around-with-others | Relationships,Intimacy,LGBTQ | Lorrie Guerra | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lorrie-guerra | <p>I would start by examining the reasons for seeking out other relationships. Are you getting something from the other men that you do not currently receive from your current partner? Such as, is it more exciting with others and that excitement is lacking in your current relationship?<br></p> | 0 |
575e87241678099351171091 | Do I have some type of anxiety? | Sometimes, I'm fine and can go out or meet people, but other days, my heart races and words physically cannot come out of my mouth. I've always thought it was normal and I was just nervous, but the other day, it took me almost 30 minutes of sitting in my car to find the courage to enter Target by myself. | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-have-some-type-of-anxiety | Anxiety | Lorrie Guerra | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lorrie-guerra | <p>I would suggest keeping a log of those days when you are having a hard time. Items to write would be what were you doing before you felt this way, did you eat and what, what time of day is it, how much sleep did you get that night, etc... This can help you identify any triggers. Further assessment can be made by a health care professional. It does sound like you are experiencing some symptoms of anxiety.<br></p> | 0 |
576442d0ca5745ed07aa14b9 | How do I cope with a break up if we still live together? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-cope-with-a-break-up-if-we-still-live-together | Relationship Dissolution | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>This would be very unsettling for most people.</p><p>Once a relationship is finished, then starting a relationship of only roommates would require to constantly be watchful to keep the relationship businesslike and friendly and avoid acting on any romantic or partner feelings toward the other person.</p><p>The best situation would be if one of you would relocate because avoiding so many feelings on a long term basis, creates a lot of tension.</p> | 0 |
5766784320c0173024ce0bc6 | Is being mean and fighting with my boyfriend normal after an abortion? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-being-mean-and-fighting-with-my-boyfriend-normal-after-an-abortion | Grief and Loss,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Saying that this is a very emotional time for you would be quite the understatement. I would imagine that there are lots of changes in mood and different emotions that you feel about the abortion itself.</p><p>Also, there are probably quite a few hormonal changes happening as well.</p><p>Is your boyfriend able to provide support through this process?</p><p>There is some information here about some of the changes you may be experiencing as well as a link to a place where you may find support groups: http://psychcentral.com/lib/understanding-abortion-grief-and-the-recovery-process/?all=1 </p><p>Please realize that if you would like to talk with someone about this, someone is there. There are links at the article above and you can also call a local mental health professional. The link above is meant to link you to some places that are supportive. I would just like to be clear that I respect the decision that you have made and I am looking only to link you to places and people that are supportive of that.</p> | 0 |
5769f3bd008fce8e73e1ebfd | How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic | Addiction,Substance Abuse | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Basically, being an alcoholic means that someone really depends upon alcohol and does not function well or becomes sick if they do not have it.</p><p>There is also this acronym that may help:</p><ol><li>Have you ever felt you needed to <span style="font-weight: bold;">Cut</span> <span style="font-weight: bold;">down </span>on your drinking?</li><li>Have people <span style="font-weight: bold;">Annoyed </span>you by criticizing your drinking?</li><li>Have you ever felt <span style="font-weight: bold;">Guilty </span>about drinking?</li><li>Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (<span style="font-weight: bold;">Eye-opener</span>) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?</li></ol><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There is an online assessment from the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence: https://www.ncadd.org/get-help/take-the-test/am-i-alcoholic-self-test There is other information on this site as well.</span></p> | 0 |
576997b1008fce8e73e1ebe5 | How do I deal with the pain of losing my baby? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-deal-with-the-pain-of-losing-my-baby | Grief and Loss | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>First, I'm very sorry that this has happened.</p><p>With just the information that you mentioned, I'm not sure whether you mean that you lost your baby through miscarriage, stillbirth, very young after being born, or several years into your child's life. While the process of working through your loss would certainly have similar components no matter how old your baby was, there are some differences as well.</p><p>In general, I would suggest that you find more than one person in your life who you can trust to talk with about your feelings. If you have no one or would prefer to talk to someone who was not as close to you in that sense, consider speaking with a mental health professional.</p><p>There is quite a process to grieving and it certainly takes time. It's different for everyone and the timetable is different for everyone.</p><p>Here's a link to some information about some tasks of grieving. This is very general information and it would likely be helpful to work through it with someone: http://therapychanges.com/blog/2015/05/review-wordens-four-tasks-of-grieving/</p><p>I don't know how long ago you lost your baby, but it may also be helpful to look at what remains that you do have control over. For example, I imagine that you choose what you want to eat, how you want to dress, whether or not to go to school or work, etc. While I'm sure your routine is quite different than it was before your loss, consider establishing a basic routine for daily activities.</p><p>Also, depending upon the age of your child, you could probably find a local support group.</p><p>Having pain after losing your baby is quite typical and is a reflection of how important your baby was, and still is, to you. If you feel as though you are going through this alone or without the type of support that you want (it is possible to be surrounded by people and still feel alone), consider finding some effective support as an important beginning step. Reaching out here is certainly the beginning of that.</p> | 0 |
576611f620c0173024ce0bc4 | I have had a compulsive swallowing tic for the past 9 months—how can I get rid of it? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-had-a-compulsive-swallowing-tic-for-the-past-9-months-how-can-i-get-rid-of-it | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I don't have experience with this type of tic, but I can still give you a few general thoughts.</p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I would first suggest meeting with your primary care physician. They would probably be able to refer you to a specialist to see whether there is a physical cause. Sometimes there is some sort of chemical imbalance and extra communication in nerves and muscles that can be treated with medication.</span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">I'm not sure about your use of the word compulsive and what exactly you meant by it, but it led me to wonder whether you feel better after you swallow and how often it happens.</span><br></p><p>It would also be helpful to see if you can recall any events or changes leading up to the time when this started for you as well as anything that makes it better or worse.</p><p>I don't know whether you are saying that it ties to anxiety or whether it is just something that happens and feels like it is out of your control.</p><p>Here is some basic information about certain types of tic disorders and under the resources section at the top, there is a link to a list of specialists: http://www.movementdisorders.org/MDS/About/Movement-Disorder-Overviews/Tics--Tourette-Syndrome.htm</p><p>Also, having awareness of trying not to do something can make it more difficult not to do it. For example, if I ask you not to think of pink elephants from the next five minutes, that will probably be something you think about a lot in that time frame. Working with a physician (and possibly a therapist, depending on their recommendations) about this may be helpful to you.</p> | 0 |
57615f4e16780993511710f0 | How can I help my son succeed in life when he refuses it? | When my son was a teenager, we sent him to live with his dad because of the constant disrespectful attitude. A week after he graduated, his dad made him leave because of the same issues. All four parents tried to talk to him, and he just refuses help all around. He is now living with his grandparents. He had a job, and took steps to get his license and an insured vehicle. I thought he was heading down the right road, and then he tells me he quit his job because he didn’t like it. I just don’t know what to do. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-son-succeed-in-life-when-he-refuses-it | Parenting | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I admire your efforts. You can continue to offer assistance for your son, but it is ultimately up to him to decide what to do with the information or ideas that you are giving to him.</p><p>One thing you might try is to ask questions in a way that enables you to learn more about what he is experiencing. For example, if he is willing to talk to you about what he does on a daily basis and/or what he would like to be doing, you may be able to get a sense of what he finds difficult and find some resources to help.</p><p>I might ask things like this (just as examples):</p><ul><li>Can we talk for a few minutes about some things that I would like to learn more about?</li><li>I'm just looking to learn more about what has been happening for you recently and I'm not trying to make you do anything.</li><li>I know you said you quit your job because you didn't like it. Could you tell me more about what you liked and what you didn't like?</li><li>Do you see yourself doing the same kind of job in the future?</li><li>What is it that makes you happy or what is it that you look forward to doing?</li><li>Can you think of anything that I can do to be of support to you?</li></ul><p>If he is interested, you may be able to connect him with an area community college to learn more about possible job opportunities.</p><p>With the way that I wrote the questions above, it probably sounds like it's relatively easy. In reality, it may not be an easy conversation and your son may choose not to discuss it with you. If that's the case, I'd remind yourself that you are trying to do everything you can.</p> | 0 |
57382f404eb3dd523a6db43e | I'm starting to believe that I'm gay | In middle school and high school, my friends and family thought I was gay. I tried telling them, but they wouldn’t believe me. It almost feels like they wanted me to be. Now I’m actually starting to believe them. I know I wasn’t back then, and now I’m not sure anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-starting-to-believe-that-i-m-gay | LGBTQ | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>I agree with Amy. We get a lot of pressure from others and even ourselves to define who we are and what we want at a pretty early age. The truth is, our sexuality can change and grow in directions we never imagined. </p><p>I may be wrong, but I am getting the impression that you may not <i>want</i> to be gay. That this is something you didn't like others suggesting and now you are uncomfortable with the idea that it may be true. This would certainly be understandable. Your sexuality is YOURS and yours alone. It can be quite frustrating and hurful when others try to define who you are. And it can be equally frustrating when you are trying to figure it out for yourself. </p><p>The truth is that there are many different possibilities when it comes to sexual orientation. It may help to think about what <i>qualities </i>you find attractive. What kind of person can you see yourself being attracted to? Someone smart? Funny? Loves dogs? If you look for these qualities in a person they may lead you to being attracted to someone of the same sex, but maybe not. At least you would be choosing someone based on values and qualities that you love and admire. </p><p>Another idea is to chat with a counselor, if you are interested. Preferrably one who has done some training in affirmative therapy. </p><p><br></p><p>Be well and be you..</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8 | I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship | Trauma,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>One thing you could try to do on your own is to focus on the partner who is in front of you now. If you are able to connect with them via touch or focusing on their tone of voice, that may help to center you. Tried to stay grounded and/or mindful. That is being aware of your position in the room, your feet on the floor, your hands in your lap, or your hips in the chair. Being mindful of the environment you are currently (for example, noticing what is around you) may be helpful. Try to use all your senses. For example, you could focus on hearing your husband's voice, feeling his hand in yours, being wrapped in your favorite blanket, seeing a comforting photo, using a comforting sense or candle, or tasting an apple that reminds you of times when you have enjoyed yourself in the kitchen.</p><p>It also sounds like you are having a very specific reaction that could very well be related to trauma. I would recommend that you talk with a local mental health professional.</p><p>Remember, just because it was the best decision of your life, that doesn't mean that what happened to you or in your presence automatically leaves you when you leave the relationship. Our brain is actually hardwired to remember things that have caused us pain or great emotional distress as a way of protecting us from them happening again. This is a very natural response and the reactions you have as far as nightmares and flashbacks are the past coming forward and your brain trying to make sense of it all.</p> | 0 |
57605f2f16780993511710b5 | How do I discuss my fetishes with wife when she is very sexually passive and insecure? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-discuss-my-fetishes-with-wife-when-she-is-very-sexually-passive-and-insecure | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> Thank you for asking your question. When I read terms like "fetishes" and that your wife is "sexually passive and insecure" I can't help but wonder that there may be more going on within the coupleship and with yourself than what has been asked about in your particular question. </p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> I invite you to enter into an exploratory journey with an experienced therapist to identify your fetishes and the deeper story behind the "who", "what", "when" "where", "how" and "why" they are important to you. Additionally, consider whether or not you need these fetishes as a</span><span style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.3125px;"> requirement or strongly preferred for sexual excitement; and in its absence do you find yourself being sexually avoidant with your spouse or suffering from some form of erectile dysfunction.</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> While the fetishes may not be causing you clinically significant distress or impairment in functioning it seems from your question that they might (or would) cause distress to your wife. An experienced clinician could help you and your wife to navigate through this relational </span><span style="line-height: 20px;">terrain</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> ensuring all are heard and that the coupleship is honored. Best wishes.</span><br></p> | 0 |
5753a66ec792dd6c7063e61e | How can I atone for being cowardly? | I panicked over a minor parking lot mistake. It was totally my fault, but due to another insurance issue, I left a note with an illegible phone number. Guilty over this, I got an envelope containing several hundred dollars. Unfortunately, by the time I returned, the other driver had seen my ersatz note and drove away. Since I cannot make this up to that individual, how do I atone for my cowardly act? I have been trying to do random acts of kindness in hopes that karma will somehow even out. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-atone-for-being-cowardly | Spirituality,Anxiety | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> Thanks for sharing as it shows your humanity and that you have a sensitive conscience. In your example here I'd encourage you to always think, "safety first"; and never offer a stranger at the accident scene "...several hundred dollars". Why? Because it could go badly against you (i.e. extortion, robbed, or would this be considered a bribe).</p><p> To the point, I'm reminded of Steps Eight and Nine in many 12-step programs regarding making amends. In your specific example since the injured unidentified party departed, and by your own admission you've been doing random acts of kindness, it seems to me you've acted in reasonable good faith fashion to make amends. Well done.</p><p> I'm not a karma expert but as a therapist I would invite you to explore the deeper story behind your use of the words "cowardly", "guilty", and what it does for you to engage in "random acts of kindness". What a fascinating journey this could be for you. Best wishes.</p> | 0 |
567082c85bb022840f42baf4 | How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself | Spirituality | Cory Ian Shafer LPC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/cory-ian-shafer-lpc | <p>This is perhaps the deepest question that one can ask of themselves and the answer is as elusive as the deepest enigma. We are fluid beings, we are never the same from day to day, we learn or unlearn, we evolve or some of us even devolve, we are in a state of constant flux, changing and adapting, like a cloud in the sky that has its shape changed by the wind, life whittles us away and carves us constantly, trying to understand this question is like trying to bite your own teeth, however we can have a sense of what we would call our core and to understand the core, we need to live and to experience, but also to think deeply, analytically, and critically, by engaging with life we get a sense that we are like the Earth itself, inside of us there is a core, just as there is inside our planet but our continents shift and change over time, like those continents so does our own nature shift throughout our lives. <br></p> | 0 |
5768aa9d008fce8e73e1ebc6 | I completely lost myself—how can I find myself again? | I've become so jaded that I can't control my thoughts. I cannot focus on anything and been having anxiety attacks. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-completely-lost-myself-how-can-i-find-myself-again | Anxiety,Depression | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I imagine that it's pretty disconcerting to feel as though you lost yourself.</p><p>When you said that you are jaded, I'm not sure whether you mean that you are jaded toward someone, something, life in general, or some combination thereof.</p><p>One of the difficult things about anxiety is that anxiety can lead to more anxiety because of being concerned about having another panic attack. Consider remembering that panic attacks usually only last a few minutes and the reason they don't go away right away is because of the way your brain releases chemicals because some part of your brain is reacting as if you are in danger in some way.</p><p>As far as finding yourself, you may consider looking at what parts of each day you can control as a way to stay centered. You could also focus on something that makes you feel happy and/or comfortable.</p><p>You may also consider the list of values here to give yourself an idea of what is most important to you, what it is that you are living by now, and what values you would prefer to live by. http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification</p><p>If this proves to be difficult, consider seeing a local therapist.</p> | 0 |
57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1 | How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? | My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There are a lot of different things that could be playing a role here.</p><p>First, different people have unique levels of sex drive, and sometimes there is a hormonal imbalance.</p><p>Because you say both that there is a possibility that neither one of you "actually knows what you're doing," and you want to be better connected with your husband, consider having some time where you sit together and touch each other in nonsexual ways and communicate about what you like and don't like. One person would be doing the touching and the other would be communicating. Then the rules would switch. After you both become comfortable with that, you could try the same thing with touching that is sexual in nature.</p><p>Dr. Tammy Nelson is a therapist who specializes in relationships and sexual issues and she has several books and lots of other resources on her website: https://www.drtammynelson.com/</p><p>There are actually therapists who specialize in sex therapy and if you are interested in that, you would want a therapist who is a CSAT (certified sex addiction therapist). This does not mean that they only specialize in sexual addiction, but they do have special training in discussing sexual elements of relationships and their training is quite extensive.</p><p>In addition to connecting sexually, you may consider discussing with your husband whether each of you are aware of things that make you feel valued, special, loved, and appreciated. It may be that making positive changes related to your sex life would also improve your relationship, and vice versa.</p> | 0 |
575b1098c792dd6c7063e80b | My apartment manager won't let me keep an emotional support dog. | I have been diagnosed with general anxiety and depression by my family doctor. They wrote a prescription for me to have an emotional support dog, I have the paper work, and I gave it to my apartment manager. They said I can't keep the ESD because I'm not disabled. What do you suggest I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-apartment-manager-won-t-let-me-keep-an-emotional-support-dog | Anxiety,Depression,Legal & Regulatory | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This is tricky because there are different types of emotional support dogs. The ones that are officially trained actually go through months of training and then are paired with someone for whom they perform specific tasks.</p><p>You may benefit from looking at the blog written by Valerie Parrott, who has an emotional support dog due to severe anxiety and panic. I will warn you that her blog is very blunt, but she is honest and she has gone through this process: https://thedogintheroom.wordpress.com/2016/06/20/what-makes-a-service-dog/#more-508</p> | 0 |
567082c85bb022840f42baf4 | How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself | Spirituality | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Because you put this under the category of spirituality, I'm not sure whether you are asking how you find yourself as far as religious or spiritual beliefs or overall.</p><p>If you are talking about learning more about religious or spirituality, consider either going to or speaking with someone who is involved with a nondenominational church service (the Salvation Army usually has something) so you can discuss questions or ideas that you may have.</p><p>As far as finding yourself in general, I suggest considering what makes you happy and/or comfortable. I also wonder if looking at the list of values here may be helpful to you: http://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/values-clarification</p> | 0 |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This sounds stressful.</p><p>You mentioned that you want to learn how to avoid them. I'm not sure whether you want to avoid them overall or if you would like to ask your mom to maybe only talk to you about it for a few minutes about your niece in each conversation that you have.</p><p>Maybe you can connect your mom with some support. It sounds as if she has lost part of herself and/or is very stressed out and in talking with you about it because she trusts you enough for you to be someone she can speak openly, you are becoming stressed because of things that you cannot directly change. This is the presumptive based on the amount of information that you posted, but it sounds like there is a bit of a circle of stress here.</p><p>I also wonder who you could talk with when you are stressed.</p><p>It may be helpful to see a local mental health professional to help redefine some boundaries so you can have the type of relationship with your mother that you want without necessarily feeling stressed out by it every day.</p> | 0 |
5767bebc008fce8e73e1eb94 | Why is my fiancé angry at me about his automobile insurance? | My fiancé and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-my-fianc-angry-at-me-about-his-automobile-insurance | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>A few things come to mind. I wonder if your fiancé is still angry about it or if he was angry in that moment and has now worked through it.</p><p>It sounds like there was also a difference in expectations here. You were just paying the bill with the money he was giving to you and he may have assumed you were reading it. You thought that you were following his directions. It could be that you could have a discussion about it, but that depends on how much of a hot button issue it still is for either of you.</p><p>If you're going to talk about it, I might suggest asking whether this would be a good time to have a discussion about what happened with the automobile insurance so that you can both use the opportunity to learn more about yourselves and each other around this particular issue.</p> | 0 |
5766ab8420c0173024ce0bca | How can I get my ex-girlfriend back? | She said she needed space after three days of dating, and she got a boyfriend a week later. I still really miss her, and she told me she still likes me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-my-ex-girlfriend-back | Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds as if your ex-girlfriend is trying to figure out what type of relationship she is looking to have with you. There are lots of levels of relationships, from a basic acquaintance, to a more friendly acquaintance, to a friend, close friend, best friend, early romantic partner, committed romantic partner, and many more.</p><p>If she is willing to have a conversation with you about her feelings, it may be helpful to have her explain her feelings to you while listening as an investigative reporter and asking questions that cannot be answered with yes or no, but are what are called open-ended questions, which ask her to provide more information. During this process, it would be helpful for you to try to think of it as not being personal, but just listening and trying to understand the experience from her perspective. After you have done this for five minutes (it's a rough estimate, but basically until you can restate what she is saying and she says you have it right), you can switch so she is asking you questions about how you are feeling. The goal is not necessarily to change the outcome, but to learn more about yourselves and each other.</p><p>Then you may have an idea of where you stand in each other's eyes.</p> | 0 |
5765e5349e715f791d18e38f | Why did my sister not defend me when my ex-husband said bad things about me? | I recently went through a divorce. My ex-husband called my sister saying bad things about me. My sister never defended me. Now that I showed the truth, she's shutting me up and saying she doesn't care about the fight. Why didn't she convey that to him from the beginning? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-did-my-sister-not-defend-me-when-my-ex-husband-said-bad-things-about-me | Family Conflict,Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Unfortunately, I can't tell you what your sister was feeling or why she reacted that way.</p><p>I can say that divorces can be difficult or confusing for everyone involved. While the divorce is most impactful for the couple going through it, the divorce itself also changes extended family dynamics. Also, a lot of people don't act the same way around extended family (or other people) as they do at home behind closed doors, so there are times when divorce is a real shock to everyone who was not directly involved in it.</p><p>I wonder if you are at a place where you can shift your focus into looking at your relationship with your sister, how she is treating you, how you feel around her now, etc. I do not know how close you were before all of this and how close you feel now, but perhaps if you can assess your overall relationship, you could find a time when you could ask about this (why she didn't convey that to him from the beginning) in a way that is calm, not defensive, and is honestly looking for an answer from your sister, not looking to defend yourself at that moment. If that conversation can happen, it may be quite a difficult one, so it may be good to have something to think of to remind yourself that you are trying to gather information from her and him that conversation, it's not about you, but is about where she was coming from. After you think you understand that (I'm saying that you understand where she's coming from, not that you agree with what she's saying), you could see if she's willing to listen to how you feel about it.</p> | 0 |
5765e4f49e715f791d18e38d | Do I text, call, or make contact first, the same day of the morning I left his house? | I've known him for about six years. We've dated off and on. I hadn't seen him in close to three years but recently started seeing him again. I really want this to last this time. I stayed the night. Do I text, call, or make contact first, the same day of the morning I left his house? | https://counselchat.com/questions/do-i-text-call-or-make-contact-first-the-same-day-of-the-morning-i-left-his-house | Relationships,Intimacy,Anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I don't see why you can't call, text, or make contact first. It would be up to him to reply when he can and wants to, but I don't know why you couldn't initiate contact.</p><p>One thing to consider as you get to know each other better is having conversations about conversations. For example, you could say "I'd like to call or text you more often, but I'm concerned about _____ (listing what you are most worried about)." Then he can discuss his reaction and you can have a dialogue about it.</p> | 0 |
5765e0d89e715f791d18e38b | Is there anything I can do to make my anxiety go away? | I'm a teenager, and while I’ve never been to any kind of therapist, I noticed I experience several anxiety symptoms. I frequently find myself not going out and following my parent around the house. I can't go into stores (grocery stores specifically) on my own, and when I do, I have to be on the phone with my dad the whole time. I also forget things a lot. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-there-anything-i-can-do-to-make-my-anxiety-go-away | Anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>With the way you described your anxiety, it sounds like you have different types of anxiety. I'm not sure whether you have anxiety of public places, large crowds, being alone (sometimes called separation anxiety), or some combination thereof.</p><p>One thing that would be helpful would be to track your anxiety and see how anxious you are (on a scale of 1 to 10) in different situations. Also, if you know what leads up to your anxiety, it would be good to know this as well so you can look for patterns.</p><p>As for forgetting things, you could be anxious because you are forgetting things or you could be forgetting things because you are anxious. When you are having anxiety, certain parts of your brain are overactive because you are in a kind of protective mode. It's also possible that forgetting things and anxiety are not related.</p><p>Something else to try would be to notice where you feel your anxiety in your body and put your hand there is a way of giving yourself comfort.</p><p>Another thing about anxiety is that having anxiety can lead to more worry about having more anxiety. One thing that helps for some people is to go to the regular primary care doctor to make sure that there are no physical problems (just for the regular physical) so they know that there are no physical problems and that the anxiety will lessen in a few minutes.</p><p>Also, if you are able to notice your feet on the floor or your hips in the chair, this is helping you to be mindful of your body and connecting you to your surroundings. During this in combination with naming your emotions can be soothing as well. For example, in the grocery store, if you are feeling anxious, you could say to yourself "I'm anxious right now and I'm okay" while gently shifting your weight from one foot to the other. No one around you would notice what you were doing and the motion may be soothing to you.</p><p>Anxiety can have a lot of different causes and things that trigger it. If it is difficult for you to work it out on your own (which is very common), consider talking with a local therapist so you can have more specific ideas.</p><p>Also consider making a list of people who you trust and what it is about them that makes you feel comfortable.</p> | 0 |
5765ba55ca5745ed07aa150c | How can I deal with a break up? | My fiancé and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-a-break-up | Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>There is a grieving process after losing a relationship (or any other major loss, such as a job, a house, etc.). One of the things to consider is give yourself a chance to go through the tasks of mourning:</p><ol><li>To accept the reality of the loss</li><li>To process the pain of grief</li><li>To adjust to a world without the person who has just left</li><li>To find an enduring connection with that person in the midst of embarking on a new life. This could mean a lot of things, but it could be holding certain memories as your own.</li></ol><p>You may also find things that make you feel happy or comfortable. It's also helpful to have people who you can talk to about your feelings and people who may be able to recognize things about you that you cannot see right now (such as how you are honest, committed to your work, a good listener, etc.).</p><p>This takes some time. Try to be gentle with yourself.</p> | 0 |
5764bbdaca5745ed07aa14d2 | Why does my spouse tell me he doesn't want me, but also gets jealous of me? | My spouse decided he no longer wanted me six years ago. Things have deteriorated so badly that we have separated but still live in the same house. He says he despises the sight of me, wants to be with other women, and divorce. What I don't understand is that he says constantly that I have no feelings for him and gets absurdly jealous if I speak to another male. Why does he constantly do these behaviors? I might add he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and as a narcissist. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-does-my-spouse-tell-me-he-doesn-t-want-me-but-also-gets-jealous-of-me | Relationships,Relationship Dissolution ,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It sounds like this is quite difficult.</p><p>It sounds as if sometimes your spouse want you to be a part of his life (which could be a part of where the jealousy comes from) and sometimes he doesn't. Talking about this would likely be a delicate conversation and from what you mention he has been diagnosed with, I'm wondering if he has a therapist. If so, do you know whether he would allow you to come to one session so you can learn more about how he feels? Maybe he would be to use more of it because in the contained environment of an therapy office. This way at least you would know where he's coming from. You could also ask whether he is able to hear what you want, wish for, or desire between the two of you.</p><p>Remember, just because you hear or follow what he is saying does not imply that you agree with him, although that concept in itself could be a subject of discussion because not everyone is aware of it.</p><p>I hope that you are able to hold onto who you are and what you want throughout this.</p> | 0 |
57646ab5ca5745ed07aa14c4 | How do I get my partner to stop verbally abusing me? | Every time my partner gets angry for anything, she takes it out on me. Nothing I do is right, and once she's mad, she calls me all kinds of names and is verbally abusive. She says it isn’t abuse, it’s just angry verbal bashing, and that it’s different. It gets worse each time. The names are very vulgar now. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-get-my-partner-to-stop-verbally-abusing-me | Intimacy,Relationships,Domestic Violence | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>One thing you could try is to talk to your partner when she's not angry about the following:</p><ul><li>If she's angry, maybe she can talk with you about what she is angry about rather than calling you names.</li><li>If she gets angry and then calms down a little while later, maybe one of you can take a timeout in the discussion and set a time when you will come back to it.</li><li>Discuss what it is that you find acceptable for you to do during an argument</li><li>Discuss what it is that you find unacceptable for you to do during an argument</li><li>Discuss what is acceptable for her to do during an argument</li><li>Discuss what is on acceptable for her to do during an argument</li><li>Your partner can answer the same questions related to herself and you.</li></ul><p>I can't emphasize enough how important it is to have this discussion when there is not an argument going on. Perhaps you could mention that you would like to talk about something that is really important and see if the current time is a good time. If not, consider when in the next 24 to 48 hours would be a good time.</p><p>It may also be helpful to discuss these ideas with a local therapist. The therapist may also be able to help both of you figure out where the anger is coming from and where she has learned to react this way.</p><p>If it is abuse, it may be even more difficult to have these important discussions. It may be helpful for you to see a local therapist by yourself to assess things like physical and emotional safety<span style="line-height: 1.42857;">.</span></p> | 0 |
5760b58416780993511710e0 | How do I handle being wanted in a relationship when I'm used to feeling unwanted? | I've always thought that there wasn't much good out there for me. Now that things are actually going well, it kind of scares me. I spent most of my life feeling unwanted and figured I would be alone. I recently met a great woman who seems to really like me, and I don't know how to process this. It's bothering both of us. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-being-wanted-in-a-relationship-when-i-m-used-to-feeling-unwanted | Self-esteem,Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This can be really anxiety-producing when you have not felt it before. It may be helpful to work through some of this with a local therapist so you can get more specific ideas.</p><p>Some other things that come to my mind are maybe talking about spending about 10 minutes or so discussing how you are feeling and seeing if your partner is willing to listen. Then you could ask questions about how she would react if you were doing something she did not like. This allows you to react to information she is actually giving you rather than your perceptions that sound like they are different than what she is trying to tell you. This gives you the power to receive the messages that she is sending to you.</p><p>I would also wonder where you have learned that there wasn't much good out there for you and how you can stay present in the moment when you are with your girlfriend and see that she wants to be there with you. Perhaps you could look at what makes you feel emotionally safe and trusting with her and focus on that. You could even remind yourself "okay, I'm here with [name of girlfriend] and this is okay when I'm with her."</p><p>We all have different levels of defenses in situations in which different people. It's common for people to see these things as black and white (either totally open or very self-protective. In reality, it's much more like a rainbow and the different shades of color that are available in the rainbow spectrum of white light (it's not really Just red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet that we all know, but an infinite spectrum of shades of colors that fade from one into the next). You can change your level of defensiveness with your girlfriend depending upon the location you are in, the mood you are both in, the subject, etc. There are infinite numbers of choices and you can experiment.</p><p>Another thing that could help is to communicate about communication. If one of you uses a phrase that triggers something from earlier in your life or is really uncomfortable, you could discuss that. If she says certain things that make you feel really comfortable, you could discuss that as well.</p><p>Hopefully you can learn more about yourselves and each other at the same time.</p> | 0 |
575cd088c792dd6c7063e832 | How do I make my relationship with my girlfriend better? | She's busy because her mom makes her clean all the time and go out places with her family. We don't talk much because of it. Also, we have little fights. We want to work it out but we don't know how. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-make-my-relationship-with-my-girlfriend-better | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Maybe you can start with having 15 minutes per week that you know you will be spending time with each other (even if it needs to be on the phone). Because this much time could be scheduled ahead of time, at least you would know there was that time that was set aside. That may also help you to rekindle some conversations between you.</p><p>As far as your little fights, consider spending five minutes with one of you talking about one issue that is a concern and the other partner asking questions that are open-ended (cannot be answered with just yes or no) and listening as an investigative reporter to try to learn more about what the other person is experiencing. Then, once the partner who started speaking thinks the listening partner is understanding where they are coming from, switch. It's also good to restate what you think you are hearing. Then you know what each other is truly following about this. Also remember that following or understanding what someone is saying does not imply agreement, just that you are recognizing what they are saying and able to see where they are coming from.</p><p>Also consider noticing what makes you feel valued, special, loved, or appreciated. Think of the same for your girlfriend. This could be a great discussion to have as well.</p> | 0 |
5764a5c4ca5745ed07aa14ce | My friend had lied about every aspect of her life—what do I do? | She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-friend-had-lied-about-every-aspect-of-her-life-what-do-i-do | Social Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p><span style="line-height: 20px;">To be honest, I think more information would be really important here because what you are asking could have a lot of different meanings. Consider making an appointment with a local therapist to discuss what you are going through.</span></p> | 0 |
556b6940c969ba5861709de4 | How do I break an unhealthy relationship pattern? | I want a secure relationship with someone that wants to be with me and who will actually put effort into it.
I seem to gravitate toward unavailable men and those that want intimacy and no relationship. I let men dictate and control me because they accuse me of being controlling. I let men emotionally abuse me and I am at their beck and call.
I am not comfortable being alone or doing anything by myself. I feel I need the security of someone being around just to survive. I know what I'm doing wrong and I do it anyway just hoping things will change. How do I stop this behavior and thought process? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-break-an-unhealthy-relationship-pattern | Relationship Dissolution | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">Here are some things I'm wondering:</span><br></p><ul><li>Do you have close friends that you can talk to, trust, and who can be around sometimes when you're in between relationships?</li><li>What do you like about yourself? What are your strongest points?</li><li>Do you think you have been in relationships with controlling than in the past because it makes you feel as though you are worth something to them?</li><li>What kind of relationship you want to be in?</li><li>What are the top three or four attributes of the type of partner you want?</li><li>What can you do to make yourself emotionally safe during your typical daily activities?</li><li>Can you notice a list of things that you can control throughout a typical day? For example, you probably choose what to wear, what to eat, how to talk to others, how committed you are to school or work, etc.</li></ul><p>It also sounds as if it may be helpful to discover more about yourself in addition to what you look for in a partner.</p><p>As far as emotional abuse, it may be useful to develop communication skills that you could use prior to their relationship progressing to the point that it is emotional abuse.</p><p>Thank you for reaching out to ask questions. If the questions that I've asked here are difficult for you to answer or are overwhelming, talking with a local therapist would probably be something I would suggest.</p> | 0 |
57621f8df1d8c4b515badc70 | What is social anxiety? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-is-social-anxiety | Anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Social anxiety is fear of social situations where someone is exposed to the public scrutiny of others. It could include things like having conversations with people you don't know, being observed, or public speaking, etc.</p><p>You can find more information here: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety</p> | 0 |
5760e9b816780993511710e8 | I feel like I'm putting my full effort in my studies, but no one thinks that I am. | I'm a teenager, and I know the importance of my upcoming schooling. However, no matter how much I put in my best effort, my family thinks I have done zero effort in total. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-i-m-putting-my-full-effort-in-my-studies-but-no-one-thinks-that-i-am | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>First of all, I'm glad that you posted here and I'm glad that you recognize the importance of schooling.</p><p>Where does your family get the idea that you are not putting in the effort? While people can interpret "effort" differently, with talking about schoolwork, I would think that your grades would show the effort that you are putting in.</p><p>If you are getting good grades and you are saying that your family does not think your grades are good enough, maybe there could be a conversation where you are able to ask them what they are expecting from you (and try to listen without defending yourself for a few minutes) and then you could explain what you are doing to prepare. Maybe you could set time limits so you each have five minutes to discuss this (or less, if you think that would be better).</p><p>If your grades are not as good as you would like and you are putting in the effort, I would still consider having a conversation like I mentioned above, and perhaps taking advantage of tutoring or other possibilities offered by your school.</p><p>Just as a bit more information for you, I have been working with children, teenagers, and adults for more than nine years now. When someone tells me that they wish their child would do better in school, I always ask what that means. Sometimes it means that their grades are D's and F's. For other families, it means that the grades dropped below 95% and in that family, that is unacceptable. Perception makes a big difference here.</p><p>If you are doing your best and accomplishing your goals, that is worth celebrating.</p> | 0 |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Betsy Sansby | https://counselchat.com/therapists/betsy-sansby-3 | <p>Imagine your best friend just told you that her husband lied to her all the time and that he had broken every promise he ever made to her. What would you tell her? If I were her best friend I'd tell her to run the other way. </p><p>You may love this man. We don't choose who we love. But the evidence is pretty clear, isn't it? </p><p>A healthy relationship cannot be built on a foundation of lies and broken promises. I believe that as adults, we are always treated as well as we insist on being treated by our partners. If you continue to accept unacceptable behavior, you are likely to see lots more of it. </p> | 0 |
567082c85bb022840f42baf4 | How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself | Spirituality | Betsy Sansby | https://counselchat.com/therapists/betsy-sansby-3 | <p>The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.</p><p>For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. </p><p>On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. </p><p>Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action.. </p> | 0 |
5760cbe316780993511710e6 | How do I repair my friendship? | My best friend and I were pranking her friend, and I told her to tell him that she likes him. She said no, but I forced her. After she told him, he told her that he likes her too. Their friendship is ruined because of me. She won't forgive me, and I feel really guilty. I feel like crying. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-repair-my-friendship | Social Relationships | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This takes time. I don't know how long it has been, but perhaps if your friend is willing to discuss other things with you for a little while, you could discuss this at some point in the future.</p><p>Hopefully the true intentions will become apparent (in the idea that it was a prank).</p><p>Also, I encourage you to look at how this is affecting you and how you feel about yourself as well. If it was meant to be a joke and it did not work, that is not entirely your fault.</p><p>I wonder how you could forgive yourself for what happened?</p><ul><li>Are you able to seek what you meant to do compared to what actually happened?</li><li>Do you notice that not everything that has happened here is in your control?</li><li>Do you recognize that even though you would like things to be better, if your friend is not ready or willing, you are trying to do your part to make it right?</li><li>Maybe everyone who is/was involved in this can talk together all at the same time to set straight what is truth and what was misunderstood.</li><li>I wonder if you can think of your own positive attributes (for example: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, friendship, good listener, caring) and look at what truly exists within you rather than just one your friend is able to see right now.</li></ul><p>This can be really difficult for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that it involves more than just you, so it's important to focus on the idea that you can ask these other people who were involved to discuss it, but that is ultimately up to them.</p><p>Best wishes for looking at the positive parts of yourself and your friendships.</p> | 0 |
5760656c16780993511710ba | Should I talk honestly to my brother about his girlfriend, risking our own relationship? | My older brother (in his 60s) started dating a lady with Asperger's. She is hyper-sexual and flirty. She does not understand boundaries. They’ve been dating for a few months, and she's talking marriage. Another sibling and his wife have met her, and they have said she is never invited back. My brother always picks similar ladies. Do we speak honestly and risk losing a relationship? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-talk-honestly-to-my-brother-about-his-girlfriend-risking-our-own-relationship | Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This is tricky and quite delicate.</p><p>I wonder if you could talk with your brother about whether he would be willing to have a discussion with you about something that is important to you. I would also suggest trying to make clear your true intentions. For example:</p><ul><li>Telling him that he has the right to do what he wants with who he chooses to date</li><li>That you are talking to him about this because you care about him</li><li>That your relationship with him is important to you and that you love him and care about him</li><li>Also try to stick to examples or ideas that are objectively observable (for example, when this happens ___, I notice ___). That way you are using facts rather than opinions and things that can be observed rather than subjective emotional decisions</li><li>I would also be curious with what your brother sees in this girl, and I might even recommend starting with that</li></ul><p>I cannot underline enough the importance of having this come across as genuine, and for lack of a better word, gentle.</p><p>I also be very honest with you that I cannot guarantee that he will react positively, neutrally, or even that he will have the discussion with you.</p><p>Because it is true that he could choose to continue dating this girl and perhaps even hold it against you for a while, I would also encourage you to look at the importance of this to you and where you consider the risk-benefit ratio to be.</p> | 0 |
57473f09c792dd6c7063e44b | Is it bad to fantasize about my mom? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-bad-to-fantasize-about-my-mom | Human Sexuality | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <div>Hello, and thank you for your question. There are a couple of things I want to mention and some other colleagues may add other types of information. I want to talk about fantasies (an internal behavior not known by others) versus external behaviors that others can see, and your specific question about fantasizing about a parent. I am going to assume that you are meaning sexual fantasies, and I apologize if that is not your meaning. </div><div><br></div><div>It is important to remember that we may fantasize about a bunch of things that we would never do. Someone may fantasize about punching his boss right in the nose, but would never do it. And not just because of the consequences, but because they genuinely would not want to hurt someone in real life. It is also true that some people fantasize about things as a way to "work up" to doing the actual thing they <i>want </i>to do. You may be in one of these categories. </div><div><br></div><div>The specific issue of fantasizing about a mother is something commonly found in Sigmund Freud's theories about psychosexual development. He called it the Oedipus Complex, and determined it is generally found in early childhood development, but can move into adulthood. The reason I am sharing this with you isn't to make you a psychology major, but rather so that you will know that you are NOT the only person to have such fantasies in adulthood. </div><div><br></div><div>Something to think about is whether or not you should feel guilty about fantasies. Of course, if the answer is yes, you may find yourself feeling guilty a lot of the time. Or should you only concern yourself with behaviors that others can actually see or be affected by? For example, should you only be concerned if you are actually planning on ACTING on one of your fantasies toward your mother. The answer to that could certainly be yes, since someone acting on their fantasies would certainly impact someone else. </div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes our minds will have a fantasy and we recognize that it is taboo, and when that happens it is possible that we will actually fantasize about it MORE. That is also a possibility here, too. You may have had a rogue fantasy that has now taken root. </div><div><br></div><div><b>The most important thing I am trying to get across to you is that there may be many reasons for these fantasies and they don't all lead to them, or you, being "bad." </b></div><div><br></div><div>If you have real concerns about what this may mean about you as a person, you may want to go to a counselor. This is especially true if you think you want to act on these fantasies and you know that would be harmful. There are many possible explanations for these fantasies and a counselor's office may be the safest place to explore them. </div><div><br></div><div>Be well.</div><div><br></div><div>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div> | 0 |
571a4ec4d581295c77541848 | Why am I sick to my stomach when I stand up? | I had to put a restraining order against my ex-fiancé. He was served last night. He was mentally and verbally abusive towards me. I thought it was my nerves, but every time I stand up, I get sick. If I sit and rock, I'm fine. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-am-i-sick-to-my-stomach-when-i-stand-up | Anxiety,Domestic Violence | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. You may be right, your physical symptoms of getting sick to your stomach may very well be your nerves or anxiety. That is totally normal and understandable given your circumstances. Another thing that is not unusual is that you feel better when you sit and rock. That is actually a fairly common way that many people comfort themselves in times of high stress. If you are concerned that there is an actual physical illness causing these symptoms, you may want to visit your primary care provider. They may tell you that they don't see anything physically wrong with you, and at that point you may want to visit a counselor about the symptoms and your relationship experience. A visit with a counselor may be a good idea either way. </p><p>I work as a counselor in primary care, and I promise you that many people have very real physical symptoms when they have gone through abuse. Unexplainable stomach and headaches are very common. Sometimes, with counseling, those physical symptoms actually stop. </p><p>Be well, and I hope you feel better soon.</p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Sobha Vakhariya | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya | <p>I would ask you first what made you give him another chance after he repeatedly lied and broke every promise to you? I would imagine if he repeatedly lied to you that it will damage your ability to trust him now. Is he in therapy? Does he recognize that he has a problem and is he trying to repair it? Even if he truly forgot to tell you about the woman at work I think the real issue here is TRUST. I am not saying that he doesn't have a lying problem. Instead of asking someone else if you should be upset, ask yourself how you truly feel about him and this situation. </p> | 0 |
5765ba55ca5745ed07aa150c | How can I deal with a break up? | My fiancé and I broke up. He cheated on me numerous times. I kept forgiving but questioning his every move. He got tired and left. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-deal-with-a-break-up | Relationship Dissolution | Sobha Vakhariya | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya | <p>if he as cheated on you multiple times it is not healthy for you to continue seeing him. However <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">It takes time to heal your pain. You are not a robot that can just switch off your emotions. Please surround yourself with people who can support and empower you. </span></p> | 0 |
5764a5c4ca5745ed07aa14ce | My friend had lied about every aspect of her life—what do I do? | She has lied about every aspect of her life. She's created three fake relationships. The most recent one is concerning because she has fake photos, phone calls, and text messages, and it’s with a married man with kids. Her lying is becoming dangerous because she could ruin lives. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-friend-had-lied-about-every-aspect-of-her-life-what-do-i-do | Social Relationships,Intimacy | Sobha Vakhariya | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya | <p>Have an honest and open conversation with her about how her behavior is negatively impacting you ( and others). You will feel good knowing you did the right thing. </p> | 0 |
5769f3bd008fce8e73e1ebfd | How do you know if someone is an alcoholic? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-know-if-someone-is-an-alcoholic | Addiction,Substance Abuse | Sobha Vakhariya | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sobha-vakhariya | <p><div class="description readable"><p><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; white-space: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Our culture "normalizes" drinking but a psychotherapist can diagnose someone with an alcohol problem. They can use various scales as well as the diagnostic manual ICD-10 to assist them in making the proper diagnosis.</span></p><div style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%; "><br></div></div></p> | 0 |
575f646416780993511710a6 | Can someone with bipolar disorder feel like they are not themselves, like an observer in their own body and not really in control? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-someone-with-bipolar-disorder-feel-like-they-are-not-themselves-like-an-observer-in-their-own-body-and-not-really-in-control | Behavioral Change | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Well, one of the symptoms of bipolar disorder is having times of really high-energy and kind of feeling like they rule the world, so perhaps.</p><p>There are also some other things that come to mind when you mention this. For example, the person you are describing could be reacting to something that happened in their past.</p><p>It would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional.</p> | 0 |
575f873e16780993511710aa | What can I do when my family doesn't accept my sexuality? | I'm a teenage gay girl, and I'm in love with a girl a few years older than me. She loves me too, but we're not physically together at the moment. I've been thinking about being transgender soon too, but my family doesn't accept me, so I honestly don't know what to do about that because I feel like I have to constantly hide the real me. It hurts so much to hide the real me. What can I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-can-i-do-when-my-family-doesn-t-accept-my-sexuality | LGBTQ,Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>They would probably be helpful to speak with a local mental health professional about this, not because there's anything wrong with the real you, but because having these conversations can be difficult and you may choose to talk about your real self in different ways with different people.</p><p>Maybe you could talk about your concerns with your significant other and discuss different ways you may be able to discuss your relationship that fit with how each of you defines your love for one another.</p><p>Because you are saying openly that you are gay, and it sounds like you already identify yourself as gay, as compared to considering being transgender "soon," it may be worth considering disclosing the fact that you are gay now and disclosing the idea that you are transgender after you have worked through that yourself. I would like for you to be able to be true to yourself and show the real you. It could also be that you already know that you are transgender, but with the way that you phrased it here, I'm not certain.</p><p>Here is a link to a hotline that you may want to consider using. The Trevor Project is about helping teenagers who identify as LGBTQ: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/</p><p>Here is another national site where you may be able to find a local chapter: https://www.pflag.org/</p><p>I don't know what you mean when you said that your family will not accept you, but since you are concerned about your family's reaction, I would suggest that it may be helpful to have a therapist or some other support in place before telling your family. The decision of whether or not to wait longer to tell them is ultimately yours, but I wonder if you have a likelihood of explaining what you are experiencing in a way that would be truer to you and also perhaps easier for your family to follow if you had time to process it with supportive people first.</p><p>Please remember that you are not alone in this. There are people in the world who can and will accept you for who you are.</p> | 0 |
574da957c792dd6c7063e560 | The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings. | This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. | https://counselchat.com/questions/the-organization-i-work-for-has-told-me-i-cannot-go-to-my-12-step-meetings | Addiction,Professional Ethics | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <div>Hello, and thank you for your question. I know that workplaces have some latitude when it comes to requiring certain behaviors from their employees. For example, they may require you to tell them if you get into some kind of legal trouble. But this situation seems completely different. For one thing, 12 step meetings are supposed to be anonymous. I am not sure how they would know that you attended unless you or someone else told them. I agree that it seems like to cross a line. Usually each state has an office that manages complaints related to employment, such as the Department of Labor or EEOC. You may want to see which entity is in your state and contact them. It would be worth asking them to see if this is a legal practice. </div><div><br></div><div>If it is but you still want/need to stay at this job, then you may want to look for alternate sources of support for your sobriety. There are active online support groups that would allow you to do things from the privacy of your home. SMART Recovery http://www.smartrecovery.org/ is a website that many people like. There are also online groups that specifically discuss the 12 steps. </div><div><br></div><div>No matter what, I give you a lot of credit for doing your best to keep your sobriety and continuing to see the value in having support. </div><div><br></div><div>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC <br></div> | 0 |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>Is really difficult to tell whether he honestly forgot about someone or whether he was really lying again.</p><p>I don't know whether he would be open to having a discussion with you about your concerns about this and whether you would be actually willing to listen to your thoughts about it.</p><p>This might be something to discuss with a local therapist so that you can look at the patterns of lying in the past as well as whether you have a way to discuss this with your husband in the way that you would feel comfortable feeling vulnerable with your own feelings and also listening to what his responses are.</p><p>This is difficult because I imagine you have a react very quickly and strongly to things like this because of what has happened in the past between you. All of this make sense. Having said that, there is also a question of whether he is telling the truth in this particular case and your reaction is based on past events.</p><p>There's no easy way to know.</p><p>If you do decide to have a discussion with your husband about it, consider these things:</p><ul><li>Ask if this is a good time to have a conversation about something that is important to you</li><li>Maybe you will be able to listen and ask questions about what came up for him (emotionally) when he realized that he didn't tell you about this other person</li><li>Maybe he would be willing to listen to what you are thinking about if you are both able to do so without blaming, pointing fingers, or asking the other person to change. This would just be an exchange of information. Ideally this part of the competition would not be about you saying he did something wrong, but just expressing how you felt when you heard about it</li><li>It may be helpful to discuss these things with a therapist first so you have some coping skills for being able to listen to him without being overly defensive and also expressing your feelings without blaming, both of which would be very natural in this situation.</li></ul> | 0 |
57511303c792dd6c7063e5d2 | Should I be upset that my husband may have lied to me again? | I’m trying to make marriage work after a split. Before our split, he lied a lot and broke every promise to me. I don't think he cheated. Last month, I asked what women work with him, so he told me. Yesterday, I found out about a girl that he said he forgot about. Should I be upset? | https://counselchat.com/questions/should-i-be-upset-that-my-husband-may-have-lied-to-me-again | Marriage,Intimacy | Steve McCready | https://counselchat.com/therapists/steve-mccready | <p><br></p> | 0 |
575970f2c792dd6c7063e776 | My toddler wants her daddy to die when she's mad at him | I told her that if daddy dies, we will never see him again. She started crying because I wouldn't make her daddy die. | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-toddler-wants-her-daddy-to-die-when-she-s-mad-at-him | Parenting | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Toddlers don't have the intellectual capacity to conceptualize.</p><p>Better to find out why she wants daddy to die than explain the future consequences of death to your toddler.</p><p>A person must be around 9, possibly 8 years old before absorbing the potential effects of an action taken in present time.</p><p>Pretty much your toddler demonstrated to you here age appropriate and limited understanding of the loss of a parent, by crying that you weren't able to magically make her father disappear.</p><p>Also, please pay attention and form your own opinions as to the reasons why your toddler would wish her father's death.</p><p>She may be pointing out that the father behaves in frightening or harmful ways towards her.</p> | 0 |
567082c85bb022840f42baf4 | How do I find myself? | I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-find-myself | Spirituality | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Start by giving yourself enough quiet and time to remember about yourself what feels steady and consistent in your nature and interactions with others.</p><p>Give yourself the freedom to your interest in having interests. Are you motivated because of competing with others or because an activity itself feels satisfying?</p><p>If you are able to develop a sense of defining yourself without fear of judging yourself, you will start coming close to knowing who you are.</p> | 0 |
57688bd4008fce8e73e1ebc1 | How can I have a better sex life when I don't like sex? | My husband and I have been married for seven years, and in that time, we have only had sex four or five times. Others have told me that most men would have left me by now. Honestly, I think I have a low sex drive or neither one of us actually knows what we are doing. I want to be better connected with my husband. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-have-a-better-sex-life-when-i-don-t-like-sex | Human Sexuality,Intimacy,Marriage | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The numbers you write are low compared to how much sex many other people would be satisfied having.</p><p>The key is your and your husband's satisfaction with the amount of sex you are having.</p><p>And, know if there are reasons besides low sex drive that possibly explain this.</p><p>Knowing the other possibilities matter because a low sex life may mean one of you is being satisfied sexually outside the marriage or that one of you prefers sex with a same gendered partner.</p><p>If you've ruled out these possibilities, and you are satisfied with your emotional and financial life in the relationship, then a low sex drive may simply be the norm for the two of you.</p> | 0 |
576841ff008fce8e73e1eba5 | How can I avoid family members who stress me out? | My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-avoid-family-members-who-stress-me-out | Family Conflict,Stress | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Then one day when life between you and mom feels calm, tell your mom that you aren't able to listen to her complaints about your sister.</p><p>The truth exists whether or not it is acknowledged. Bu acknowledging what feels real and necessary in your life, you are helping your mom see what she may not like to see and what nevertheless is right in front of her.</p><p>There is no good reason or good to come of hiding your own truth about not wishing to continue listening to your mom complain.</p> | 0 |
5767bebc008fce8e73e1eb94 | Why is my fiancé angry at me about his automobile insurance? | My fiancé and I recently had an argument over finances. He gives me the money each month to pay his automobile insurance. He no longer has one of the vehicles on the policy. He realized he was still paying for the coverage and asked why I was allowing him to continue to do that since I was physically paying it for him. My response was that he was giving me the money, and I just made the payment. I didn't think of the coverages. He was angry about it. I still can't figure out that anger. | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-is-my-fianc-angry-at-me-about-his-automobile-insurance | Relationships,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'd be more worried generally about a fiancee who assumes you are responsible for tracking what in fact are his responsibilities, than about the anger per se.</p><p>What you describe holds the seeds of classic abusive behavior, which is blaming the partner for what in fact are the person's own responsibilities.</p><p>Start by withdrawing yourself from paying his bills.</p><p>If he is on his own in terms of tracking what and when is due regarding his auto policy, then surely the only one for him to blame will be himself.</p><p>Stay clear of involving yourself in doing favors for him if the favor involves something that he is the one accountable.</p><p>Tell him it is so the relationship remains fair for each of you.</p> | 0 |
576fbf983c9e6b307a8ae5f6 | What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior? | My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-marriage-and-my-wife-s-behavior | Marriage,Intimacy | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Divorce is a serious, life altering decision.</p><p>It is best to decide any serious matter through reflection and discussion.</p><p>Start by knowing what you want from the marriage and why you are willing to move in or out of your own house because your wife tells you to do this.</p><p>Each of you would benefit from more clarity of what you expect and would like from each other.</p><p>Does your wife want a boyfriend in addition to the marriage to you?</p><p>Is she willing to drop the male contact?</p><p>Does she care how you feel about her contact with the other guy?</p><p>You need answers and knowledge about the definition of your marriage.</p><p>Since there are many areas to open, all of which are filled with emotion, including pain, if you're not able to make satisfactory progress then a licensed couples therapist may be useful to you and your partner.</p> | 0 |
576e22513c9e6b307a8ae5e5 | I crossdress and I don't know how to feel about it. | I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of sexual abuse growing up. I am currently single. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-crossdress-and-i-don-t-know-how-to-feel-about-it | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Let yourself enjoy crossdressing!</p><p>What sounds in your way are whatever beliefs you gre up hearing, see and absorb currently.</p><p>Concentrate on your own satisfaction and that you are doing this in a non-harming way.</p><p><br></p><p>Maybe if you branch out your interest by finding other people who enjoy crossdressing as much as you do.</p><p>With any interest or activity, social interaction supports it.</p> | 0 |
576fbf983c9e6b307a8ae5f6 | What should I do about my marriage and my wife's behavior? | My wife and I got separated because I asked about her contact with a male friend of hers. The next day, she kicked me out. She let me move back two days later. Yesterday, she said she wanted a divorce then quickly changed her mind. I asked if the other guy was a factor, but she says it's not my business. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-about-my-marriage-and-my-wife-s-behavior | Marriage,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This has to be very confusing.</p><p>I wonder if the two of you would be able to have a conversation about what it is that she would like you to know about what happened yesterday and the day before so you know what message she wanted you to get out of all of that.</p><p>I would also recommend seeing a local mental health professional. If you go yourself, you could at least discuss your marriage and your own thoughts and feelings about it. If you go together, I would suggest you see a therapist who specializes in couples.</p> | 0 |
576e99c93c9e6b307a8ae5e7 | What should I do after finding my boyfriend flirting on dating websites? | I found the guy I’m dating on dating websites. He was telling women that they were beautiful. He said it wasn’t him and that the phone was hacked. It has since happened two other times. He says he loves me and I’m the only girl he wants to be with, but I feel he is not telling me the truth. | https://counselchat.com/questions/what-should-i-do-after-finding-my-boyfriend-flirting-on-dating-websites | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>I would suggest possibly talking about the type of relationship that both of you want to create. For example, you may want a relationship where honesty, listening, compassion, and romanticism are major parts. You could also see what your boyfriend wants.</p><p>You may also consider taking five minutes to see if he will listen to your feelings about him being on the dating site and whether he can work to learn more about what you are experiencing with asking open-ended questions (not being answered with yes or no) and restating what you are saying to see if he has it right. After that, perhaps you could switch so that you can listen to his perspective for five minutes and learn more about what he is doing by asking open-ended questions.</p><p>Remember that it takes two people to have a relationship, so the choice is yours as to whether you choose to stay in the relationship and what kind of relationship you would like to have.</p> | 0 |
576e22513c9e6b307a8ae5e5 | I crossdress and I don't know how to feel about it. | I am a heterosexual male in my late 20s. I find myself wearing pantyhose, heels, skirts and other women's clothing in private. I am torn on how to feel about it. I enjoy it very much. I have had a pantyhose/stocking fascination and other kinky fetish interests since I was young. I have no history of sexual abuse growing up. I am currently single. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-crossdress-and-i-don-t-know-how-to-feel-about-it | Human Sexuality,LGBTQ | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>If you enjoy cross-dressing and are comfortable with how you feelaand aware of your own thoughts and feelings about it in private as compared to in public, I see no problem with that.</p><p>If you would like to become more comfortable with it or express more feelings about it, I recommend that you see a local mental health professional, not because there is anything wrong with what you are doing, but so you can learn more about yourself in the process. You may find that doing this in private and having a partner who accepts that is your view of how you would like things to be. You may discover that you would like to do this in public.</p><p>I appreciate your honesty.</p> | 0 |
576e1e553c9e6b307a8ae5e3 | How can I get over my fear of public embarrassment? | A lot of times, I avoid situations where I am to meet new people because I have a fear of embarrassing myself. I often avoid large groups of people, like parties, because I think they all constantly judge me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-get-over-my-fear-of-public-embarrassment | Anxiety,Social Relationships | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. First, I want you to know that you are certainly not alone on this issue. Everyone, at some point in time, has a fear of public embarrassment. But for many people, this fear can become so awful that it begins to have a real negative impact on their quality of life. They will try to avoid any situation that they even THINK will cause them embarrassment or anxiety. Escaping a possible embarrassing moment by avoiding or isolating may cause some relief at first, but then many times the avoidance will eventually lead to loneliness, isolation, and even despair. By avoiding, we can also miss out on things that make us feel alive and bring enjoyment. </p><p>There are many self-help books that offer advice on this issue. You can do an internet search, and I recommend reading the reviews of the book. That is great way to find out if others have found the book helpful. </p><p>Another option is to seek a counselor to help you with this fear. I would recommend a counselor who specializes in helping people who have anxiety or social anxiety. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is a good choice for helping with anxiety, but there are many others. </p><p>The truth is that anxiety and fear of embarrassing ourselves is not something that any of us will ever "get over", but we can learn to respond to those feelings differently. </p><p>A colleague may offer some other advice, as well.. Be well</p><p><br></p><p>Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
576caa463c9e6b307a8ae5c0 | Is self-diagnosing okay? | I'm currently struggling with diagnosed depression, anxiety, and Misophonia. Also, I am 99% sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Avoidant Personality Disorder. I read the DSM-IV, taken college psychology, etc. I know it in my heart I have them. Is self-diagnosing okay with the right research? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-self-diagnosing-okay | Depression,Anxiety,Diagnosis | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Self-diagnosing is something that we all do about one health issue or another. Taking a guess about what may or may not be happening to us is completely normal, however the actual clinical diagnoses of a mental health disorder requires a licensed mental health professional. Here are a few reasons for this: </p><p>1. Making a clinical diagnosis often requires other things besides matching up the symptoms of a disorder. To come to a diagnoses for any of the things you mentioned, a counselor would consult the DSM, but they may also use some type of screening tool, assessment or scale. Many disorders have similarities and it requires someone with training to tease out the differences in the symptoms. </p><p>2. Our judgement is sometimes off when it comes to assessing ourselves. We really can't be objective. Something as serious as determining a diagnosis really needs to be done by someone who has that objectivity. In addition, once you know your diagnosis, treating it usually requires help from a professional. </p><p>3. Sometimes the symptoms of a mental health disorder makes self-diagnoses impossible, in and of itself. For example, someone could be having hallucinations or delusions and not realize it. That would clearly make it impossible for them to diagnose themselves. There a many examples where something like this could happen with different mental health disorders. </p><p>There are other reasons, but these are three important ones. Now, does this mean that you are wrong about your diagnosis? Maybe not. You may be correct. But, it is important to get this confirmed by a professional mental health clinician. If a disorder is then found, you can begin to talk about treatment. </p><p>Hope this was helpful. Be well.</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC</p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8 | I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship | Trauma,Relationships | Janeanna Galli | https://counselchat.com/therapists/janeanna-galli | It sounds like you have not had the opportunity to process through the trauma you have endured. It would help if you have the opportunity to speak with someone on a regular basis until the symptoms of your trauma have subsided.<p></p> | 0 |
574f7aacc792dd6c7063e578 | How do you overcome an embarrassing mistake and forgive yourself? | I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-you-overcome-an-embarrassing-mistake-and-forgive-yourself | Self-esteem | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>First of all, congratulations to you on becoming a Water Safety Instructor.</p><p>As far as how to forgive yourself, this is probably one of the toughest things that we ask of ourselves, no matter the subject. On the other hand, it sounds like the location of the mistake means that after you get through the class, you won't see the same people much longer, so hopefully the embarrassment will be temporary.</p><p>As far as the class, maybe you can give yourself compassion for the idea that we all make mistakes and it certainly sounds like it wasn't intentional. I think we have all had a swimsuit shift in unwanted direction.</p><p>Trying to make sure that the same thing doesn't happen again would probably be helpful, but it sounds like you are already doing that. Something else you could do is think of something you can say to yourself when someone says something embarrassing about that occurrence, such as "it was an accident and I have fixed it now."</p><p>You may find some helpful tips here http://tinybuddha.com/blog/let-go-past-mistakes-6-steps-forgiving/ or here http://psychcentral.com/lib/how-do-you-forgive-yourself/ . These are not meant to be resources related to religion, but it is mentioned in a few places.</p> | 0 |
5789afc0c5c377c17ceeecd7 | I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder. | I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-have-social-anxiety-disorder | Anxiety | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Congratulations on your courage to ask this question!</p><p>This shows you are willing to engage with other people, just not in all situations, especially the in person ones.</p><p>Start by "meeting" yourself.</p><p>Reflect as thoroughly as possible as to what you imagine will be the outcome of meeting others or of speaking up during a class.</p><p>Some people are afraid of being criticized or judged by other people, or do this to themselves inwardly. </p><p>If you are judging or criticizing yourself to be less worthy of having opinions or views or of being who you are, than others, then the thought of actually placing yourself in this situation, would feel intolerable.</p><p>One way to move out from this position of feeling less than others, is to recognize that these feelings are inside of you.</p><p>Then it is possible to know at least on an intellectual level that it is not true that any one person is superior to another.</p><p>All the people whom you are afraid to meet, also have their own insecurities.</p><p>We are all equal in worth and in having blindspots about ourselves.</p><p>Also, it is possible that you are naturally shy and may be expecting more from yourself than is reasonable, in terms of a standard about meeting others.</p><p>You may have a few fears of being judged unfairly, you may also simply not enjoy being around people very much.</p><p>Be aware to not push yourself beyond your natural limits. Overcoming fears of being judged is different than forcing yourself to do what is against your basic nature.</p> | 0 |
5789b3b5c5c377c17ceeecd9 | Why do I get angry so easily? | Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-get-angry-so-easily | Anger Management | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Anyone who asks whether or not they have a problem, usually feels at least partly, that they do have a problem.</p><p>Your answer to the question is what matters.</p><p>Since you already understand that your reaction is overstated to the events which trigger them, the reactions you're having are more than likely anger that is leftover from past events, either in the near or distant past.</p><p><br></p><p>Be aware, consider, reflect on how you usually handle feeling angry. </p><p>Based on your description here, it is quite likely that the anger you show toward what you call "little things" reflect anger at much bigger matters that are uncomfortable and not easy to understand.</p><p>Knowing more about the more significant matters causing frustration for you, may very likely decrease reacting angrily toward smaller matters.</p> | 0 |
57733db6b9ff751f196e8dde | How do I stop a bully who adults wouldn't recognize as bullying without speaking to the bully? | She mostly targets me on social media. The bullying used to be much worse, but it is still going on. The comments are so vague, but I know that they are meant for me. Even when I confront her, she messages me short phrases to try to get in my head. If I try to fight back, she will ruin me. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-stop-a-bully-who-adults-wouldn-t-recognize-as-bullying-without-speaking-to-the-bully | Social Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>Sorry to hear of your problem situation. Feeling intimidated by another person is very unsettling.</p><p>Stop having contact with the person.</p><p>Bullies only interact with others either by intimidating someone or by themselves feeling intimidated by someone.</p><p>Bullies do not have the same dynamics as everyone else.</p><p>No one can convince or persuade or talk a bully out of their behavior.</p><p>The best protection for yourself, assuming you are not being physically threatened by the person, is to close contact with them.</p><p>This does not take away any of the disappointment or sadness of wishing for a better relationship with the person.</p><p>Until the bully wants to interact differently with others, only harm can result from contact with them.</p><p>Step one is to stop the bleeding, then to assess and learn to live with not having the person in your life.</p> | 0 |
5789afc0c5c377c17ceeecd7 | I'm not sure if I have social anxiety disorder. | I feel too scared to meet people I don't know - even relatives. I don't ever raise my hand or talk in school. I feel like no one understands. How can I handle this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-m-not-sure-if-i-have-social-anxiety-disorder | Anxiety | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It certainly sounds like you have some anxiety. Before deciding whether it was social anxiety or a more general type of anxiety, I would wonder what it is that you think will result from you raising your hand or talking to someone you don't know. Here is some information on social anxiety: https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/what-is-social-anxiety</p><p>I would recommend talking to a local mental health professional. It sounds like your anxiety is affecting your daily life and there are lots of strategies that may help to lessen that.</p><p>Thanks for being brave to post here.</p> | 0 |
577356abb9ff751f196e8de5 | I feel like my relationship is falling apart. | My boyfriend and I have been arguing every night about the same thing. He also tells me that if I go visit my mother out of state he will be gone when I get back. He and my mother do not get along. What should I do? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-feel-like-my-relationship-is-falling-apart | Relationships,Family Conflict | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>It's ultimately your decision whether or not you go to see your mother. I'm not sure whether talking with her on the phone or through some videoconferencing application (such as Skype) would be something you could do in the meantime until you sort out what you want to do.</p><p>Some things I wonder are:</p><ul><li>What makes the two of them not get along?</li><li>What makes him feel threatened or on edge if you visit your mother without him? What does he think will happen?</li><li>What is he getting out of trying to choose for you?</li><li>What is he so afraid of?</li></ul><p>If you decide to talk about these things with your boyfriend, try to do the following:</p><ul><li>Consider using questions that start with the words who, what, where, when, and not why. The word why can be really difficult for some people to answer because the word itself triggers an emotional reaction.</li><li>Try to ask him if the two of you can discuss this in a way that you can just ask more questions about what he is experiencing. If you can listen without being defensive about what you think and feel, you may understand more about where you boyfriend is coming from.</li><li>Remember that understanding what he means does not mean that you have to agree with what he is saying.</li><li>Maybe he would be willing to listen to what you are experiencing and ask questions about that as you did for him. It would be good to do this in a way similar to what an investigative reporter would do and asking questions that cannot be answered in a yes or no format and require more information.</li></ul><p>I'm sure this is putting you in a very tough place. If you would like to talk to someone more directly about the details, consider seeing a local mental health professional.</p> | 0 |
572148e2a3d94fca1ccf8eae | How do I handle getting the silent treatment from my boyfriend? | When my boyfriend gets in a snit, he gives me the silent treatment for days. When I ask what is wrong, I get nothing: no reply, no phone call. If he does reply, it is something very sarcastic and hurtful. He never admits he is wrong and never apologizes. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-handle-getting-the-silent-treatment-from-my-boyfriend | Relationships,Intimacy | Lauren Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC, CCTP | https://counselchat.com/therapists/lauren-ostrowski-ma-lpc-ncc-dcc-cctp | <p>This has to be very difficult to endure.</p><p>It's pretty common for members of a couple to have different ways of resolving conflict. Very often, one person wants to deal with the conflict right away or shortly thereafter and the other person wants to wait. One thing that sometimes works is to consider having a conversation when you are not upset with one another about taking some sort of timeout and setting a timeframe for something like "I cannot talk about this now, but we can talk about it in two hours."</p><p>My best guess is that your boyfriend is triggered by some previous relationship, either romantic or in childhood. If he is aware of something that he thinks or feels when you ask him to resolve conflict or to discuss it, it would be good to know what that is. It could even be that he's learned to handle conflict that way.</p><p>Something else you could try is to have a conversation where you each discuss what is acceptable for what is acceptable for each of you during an argument and what is not. These sorts of discussions can be very difficult and you may benefit from working through them with a mental health professional who has some experience working with couples.</p><p>As far as what you can do now, perhaps you can remind yourself that these things have worked out before, that you love him and believe that he loves you, or some other statements that are true for you. You may also consider finding ways to soothe yourself. For example, you may find that you like certain outdoor activities or reading a certain type of book or something else that gives you pleasure.</p> | 0 |
5789b3b5c5c377c17ceeecd9 | Why do I get angry so easily? | Sometime when small thing happen, like losing a comb, I get furious. I even start throwing things. Do I have a problem? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-get-angry-so-easily | Anger Management | Sonya Wilson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sonya-wilson | <p>I don't like the word "problem". It is such a strong word. However I would say that you have an issue that needs to be addressed and controlled before it directed at the wrong person and gets totally out of control. I have found that anger management classes has been helpful for my clients. Try and see if it will help. You will be surprised at what you learn about your self.<br></p> | 0 |
575f646416780993511710a6 | Can someone with bipolar disorder feel like they are not themselves, like an observer in their own body and not really in control? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-someone-with-bipolar-disorder-feel-like-they-are-not-themselves-like-an-observer-in-their-own-body-and-not-really-in-control | Behavioral Change | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. What you are describing sounds like dissociation, which can happen with folks who have bipolar disorder. To a certain extent, all people experience dissociation at some point, but it can become severe for some people. Dissociation takes different forms: 1. the feeling like you are detached from yourself, and 2. The feeling that you are detached from your environment. I would suggest looking up bipolar disorder and dissociation and see if these symptoms seem familiar. If so, you should consider discussing it with a mental health provider. </p><p><br></p><p>Be well,</p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
5789df85c5c377c17ceeecdb | Why do I find pleasure in thinking about killing? | I am a peaceful person, but I often find myself having thoughts about killing people. Eventhough I like the thoughts at the time, they make me cry. Why do I feel like this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/why-do-i-find-pleasure-in-thinking-about-killing | Anxiety | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. Clearly this is something that has you very concerned. Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts, and they are pretty harmless. Many people have thoughts of killing someone, but they would never actually do it. They really don't even want to do it, they are just having a thought. Other times, thoughts are a sign of something more serious, and we should receive help when they start to worry us. I would recommend meeting with a counselor to discuss these thoughts. It is usually a safe environment where you can get advice with little judgement. </p><p>Now, If you begin to start thinking about killing someone specific and making a plan to do it in reality- you should call for help immediately. By help, I mean 9-11, or a family member or friend. You would want to get help before doing something to harm yourself and others. Again, none of this is to judge, but rather to encourage you to get the help you're seeking. </p><p>Either way, when we become concerned about some aspect of our behavior, seeking counseling is usually a good choice. </p><p>Be well, </p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC</p><p><br></p> | 0 |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Catherine Hobson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hobson | <p>This is actually more common then we often realize, and actually understandable, as he has gone through a trauma, an unresolved existential crisis. He was taken care of by others and now is again left alone with his own internal, and rather horrific inner struggle.</p><p>In my work with CCT, or Contextual Conceptual Therapy, (see www.suicidetherapy.com) I have learned how trapped suicidal <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">people are in their own isolation, also called a "mysterious isolation," a form of self protection which cuts the off from their Self, or spirit. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">And unless they address this message from their soul, </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">accompany a guide on a journey to discover their own missing information, that is to recognize how their own uncomforted emotional </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">pain has resulted in a coping stategy which has effectively cut themselves off from their own beauty, their Self, and their ability to receive love from themselves and others. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Their attempt to kill themselves is a cry from their soul or spirit that they cannot live the life they are living any longer. They take this literally and try to end their life, when in fact what their soul or spirit is saying is they need to begin to live the life they came here to live.</span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p><p> </p><p><br></p> | 0 |
577dc3417fe85f1465e20061 | Is it normal to dislike one child? | I have three children. The oldest is nine and not my biological child. The middle child is three and the youngest is one. I have a great relationship with the oldest two children but I haven't developed the same level of attatchment to the youngest child. I rarely want her around and look forward to her nap times. Is this normal? | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-normal-to-dislike-one-child | Parenting | Catherine Hobson | https://counselchat.com/therapists/catherine-hobson | <p>This is your experience, your feeling and you are wondering if it is normal, which means is this common or the rule. </p><p><br></p><p>This question about how you feel about your third child leads me to believe you are dis- turbed [etymology: agitated or stirred up]. Feelings are messages from our soul or spirit that something is not right. So, though it might be normal [common, the rule] to look forward to a one year olds nap time when you have a three year old a nine year old, the dis- turbance or stirring up in you, <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">is important and requires your attention, your listening, if you will to your higher self. </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"> </span></p><p><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><br></span></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/robin-landwehr-dbh-lpcc-ncc | <p>Hello, and thank you for your question. This is a very serious time. I don't mean to frighten you, but you are right to be concerned. The time right after people leave the hospital after receiving psychiatric services is a time of high risk for suicide. It is very important, after hospitalization, to get follow-up care with a professional as soon as possible. If your husband has an established therapist, this is the time to call. It is also a good time to alert your support system of friends, family, clergy or others to let them know he is still struggling. This is good support for him AND you.</p><p>It is important to think about means and opportunity to make another attempt. Means really do matter. So, if you have a firearm in the home, it is really important to remove it. You can't remove all things that a person may hurt themselves with, but some things are more lethal than others. Firearms are very lethal. I am not sure what means he used last time, but try to reduce the opportunity for him to access it again. This is where your support system can help out. People can take turns hanging out with him until you are sure the crisis is over.</p><p>If you believe that an attempt is going to occur, talk to your husband about going back to the hospital. If he refuses, you will want to find out what your options are to have him go even if he doesn't want to. I know the thought of that really hurts, but it can save his life. Calling 9-1-1 is always a good option if you are not sure. </p><p>Usually a suicide crisis, meaning they want to harm themselves right now, lasts a few minutes, hours or days. Sometimes when you get them through the crisis stage, they no longer want to commit suicide. But, as you are indicating, that feeling of wanting to commit suicide can come back again. So, it is always good to have a plan. </p><p>If you want more information, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. They will always answer: 1-800-273-8255. They can help you create a specific safety plan. </p><p><br></p><p>I do hope things work out alright. Be well. </p><p><br></p><p>Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC </p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p><p><br></p> | 0 |
577d87d67fe85f1465e20058 | My fiancé's ex-husband shows up unannounced. | he just walks in the house whenever he wants to see his kids. My fiancé tells me it makes her angry and doesn't like it, but she seems afraid to say anything to him about it for some reason. Is it okay for him to do this? | https://counselchat.com/questions/my-fianc-s-ex-husband-shows-up-unannounced | Family Conflict,Parenting,Relationship Dissolution ,Relationships | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> The short answer to your question is "No" it's <span style="text-decoration: underline;">not</span> okay for <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone </span>to ever be doing this. <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">There's a lot of unanswered questions and other factors going on here that need attention. Nevertheless, d</span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;">on't hesitate to seek out legal counsel and/or call 911.</span></p><p> <span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> Ideally, your </span><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px; white-space: pre-wrap;">fiancé would be able to speak directly to her ex-husband and set reasonable boundaries that honor whatever legal agreements are in force resultant from the divorce and custody agreements. The fact that she's afraid to say anything to him about his inappropriate behavior, and that she hasn't been able to give you any reason for her fear, suggests possible factors of past abusive behaviors, entitlement, and/or co-dependence. </span></p><p><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> I hope things work out well for all and I'm confident a skilled therapist could help all navigate how best to set boundaries and experience greater healing. </span><span style="line-height: 1.42857;"> </span></p> | 0 |
577d5a227fe85f1465e20056 | How can I help my husband after a suicide attempt? | After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-can-i-help-my-husband-after-a-suicide-attempt | Marriage,Depression,Self-harm | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> I'm thankful to read your husband found care and that his suicide attempt wasn't successful. </p><p> While he was hospitalized, and prior to his release, your husband would've been provided in writing a self-care action plan. This typically includes things like committing to a contract 'not to harm' and what to do if he felt overwhelmed by his anger, depression, and hopelessness (e.g. call 911, call therapist, go to nearest hospital emergency department). Additionally, his protocol would've provided instructions for his taking medication(s) as directed, having a follow-up appointment(s) with his psychiatrist/psychologist/clinical social worker, and participating in some form of small group support.</p><p> If your husband's struggling as you describe, and you are feeling overwhelmed or frightened for his (your) safety, I'd encourage you to seek immediate assistance. </p> | 0 |
577df5c67fe85f1465e20066 | How do therapists characterize personality types? | How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-therapists-characterize-personality-types | Diagnosis,Counseling Fundamentals | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>That's a great question. There is such a wide range of ways to define "personality" that it is difficult to identify specific characteristics that are used to identify personality types.</p><p>That being said, some clinicians will use standardized tests (or assessments) to assess a client's type of personality. While these tests can't tell us everything about a person, they can help us understand where we are within larger groups of different personality styles.</p><p>Some counselors will also use a diagnostic tool (like the DSM or ICD) to help a client understand a diagnosis that is related to a personality disorder.</p> | 0 |
5570b7fea03de6c365f45ba1 | Unethical Therapy Practices | What do you do when a therapist and a parent drugs a child and makes up lies in order to stop the other parent's custody visitation? | https://counselchat.com/questions/unethical-therapy-practices | Professional Ethics,Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>This sounds like a potentially serious situation. The most important thing is to make sure the child is safe. If you suspect that a child is (or has been) harmed, I would strongly recommend that you report your concerns to your local law enforcement or to Child Protective Services. If you don't think that a child is in danger, you can still report your suspicion of counselor misconduct to the state regulatory board.</p> | 0 |
5722d63aa3d94fca1ccf8ec8 | I have nightmares and flashbacks about a past relationship | I was the one who ended it, and I'm so glad I did. It was the best decision I made in my life. But how do I stop the nightmares and flashbacks? It is creating a wall in my current relationship. | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-have-nightmares-and-flashbacks-about-a-past-relationship | Trauma,Relationships | Frank Theus | https://counselchat.com/therapists/frank-theus | <p> Thanks for sharing and asking for help.</p><p> You mention that you're the one who ended the relationship in the past, yet are haunted by nightmares and flashbacks. Your comments here lead me to wonder that you may have experienced some form of trauma in this past relationship; and, if so, I would encourage you to additionally consider the whole of your story-line as it relates to trauma. Doing so will serve you well for your own peace-of-mind especially so in your current relationship.</p><p> The best way to do all of this in a supportive fashion is to work with an experienced therapist who specializes in trauma-focused care. The therapist may, if indicated, wish to to incorporate EMDR <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; line-height: 26px; text-align: justify;">(Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which "...is a psychotherapy that enables people to heal from the symptoms and emotional distress that are the result of disturbing life experiences.</span></p><p><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; line-height: 26px; text-align: justify;"> Best wishes.</span></p><p><span style="text-decoration: underline;">Resource for Your Consideration</span>: http://www.emdr.com/</p> | 0 |
577df5c67fe85f1465e20066 | How do therapists characterize personality types? | How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-therapists-characterize-personality-types | Diagnosis,Counseling Fundamentals | Emily Pagone | https://counselchat.com/therapists/emily-pagone | <p>This is a great question, and I am happy to have the opportunity to explain my approach. When I am determining what type of personality a client has, I take my time and really absorb their lens/ point of view to themselves and others. Determining a personality type takes some time getting to know the person, and building rapport. After taking time to get to know them, and learning about their view they have of themselves and others, it is important to pick-up on more specific personality traits, which comprehensively contribute to a personality type. Clinicians, including myself, often witness certain traits that are enduring and consistent, which indicate a type of personality. For example, if a therapist is noticing that a client is exhibiting traits of organization, needing to be on time, planning, and perfectionism, these traits contribute to the "type A personality". <span style="line-height: 1.42857;">In addition to utilizing clinical judgment, clinicians often use personality assessments and follow the guidelines of the DSM-5/ ICD-10. </span></p> | 0 |
56a1a7c320fd22722a53607a | Can I go see a psychiatrist without my dad finding out, even if I am on his insurance? | null | https://counselchat.com/questions/can-i-go-see-a-psychiatrist-without-my-dad-finding-out-even-if-i-am-on-his-insurance | Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>It might be possible, but it's difficult. </p><p>First, depending on how old you are, you might be able to restrict a mentalhealth provider from disclosing your confidential information to your parents. The age at which you can do this is different from state to state (the range is generally anything from age 13 to age 18) </p><p>Second, even if you are old enough to to be able to tell your provider not to give any information to your parents, they will probably find out if you use their insurance. </p><p>It seems like you might have a few options. You might want to try talking to your dad about seeing a psychiatrist. He might be supportive. You could also try talking to a counselor or nurse at your school. They could also help you find some confidential options. I hope this helps.</p> | 0 |
574da957c792dd6c7063e560 | The organization I work for has told me I cannot go to my 12 step meetings. | This is my recovery, and I don't feel that it is okay for them to ask this. They told me it is policy due to the fact that I may run into a peer there. I am a peer counselor in the small community that I grew up in. I am in recovery myself. I was asked to come work for this organization after I was two years sober (I was in treatment in this organization). I work with mental health peers and run life skill groups. I don't work with substance peers. | https://counselchat.com/questions/the-organization-i-work-for-has-told-me-i-cannot-go-to-my-12-step-meetings | Addiction,Professional Ethics | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>You definitely want to make sure not to inadvertently create an inappropriate dual relationship with a client. </p><p>In fact, it is not uncommon for state regulatory boards to determine that a clinician and client being in the same 12 step group is professional misconduct. </p><p>You might want to consider attending a 12 step meeting that is located in a different community than the one you work in. Another option would be to look for one-on-one or small group recovery support.</p> | 0 |
56ebf2666174eaae0589c700 | Is it a normal practice for a team of doctors who are connected by state or profession to discontinue your treatment? | They discontinued treatment for no apparent reason after they thought to diagnose me with schizophrenia. | https://counselchat.com/questions/is-it-a-normal-practice-for-a-team-of-doctors-who-are-connected-by-state-or-profession-to-discontinue-your-treatment | Legal & Regulatory | Eric Ström, JD, MA, LMHC | https://counselchat.com/therapists/eric-str-m-jd-ma-lmhc | <p>The general rule against medical <span style="font-style: italic;">abandonment</span> says thst whenever healthcare providers discontinue treatment with you when you still need it, they are legally required to make sure that you have access to another provider of equal or higher ability.</p><p>In this case, if your treatment team decided to discontinue your treatment based on a diagnosis of schizophrenia, they still will likely be required to provide you with a referral to someone who can provide you with treatment. If you haven't already done so, I'd recommend that you explicitly ask for a referral.</p> | 0 |
577f36087fe85f1465e20094 | How do I end an unhealthy relationship? | My boyfriend and I have a toxic relationship due to his emotional and verbal abuse but he makes me feel like I could never find someone better, and that I can't be happy without him.
How do I get away from this relationship? | https://counselchat.com/questions/how-do-i-end-an-unhealthy-relationship | Relationships | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>I'm glad you recognize your own best interest and that your life will be much better without verbal and emotional abuse.</p><p>One of the terrible results of being abused in a relationship which is expected to be loving, safe and supportive, is that the one who is being abused, starts to question their own judgement, rights, opinions, overall way of thinking.</p><p>This happens because partners who are intimately involved with one another are very meaningful. Regardless of how irrational, wrong, mean, selfish, intimidating, thoughtless, a partner is to the other, the person on the receiving side gradually starts questioning whether they are wrong for not accepting these sorts of interactions.</p><p>Stick with what your own intuition tells you.</p><p>There is a part within each of us which knows the truth of what is going on.</p><p>Leaving a relationship is always difficult to some degree. People are in familiar patterns of daily behavior, no one wants to suddenly "be alone", even if this only means showing up as a physical body, not as a truly loving partner, no one wants to start telling others about a breakup, answer questions about it, feel blamed, worry what others think.</p><p>These are secondary matters to following the truth in your own heart.</p><p>Listen to yourself about leaving this guy. Your inner self does not lie to you.</p> | 0 |
577efb897fe85f1465e20088 | I think I empathize too much. | I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least.
I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me? | https://counselchat.com/questions/i-think-i-empathize-too-much | Diagnosis | Sherry Katz, LCSW | https://counselchat.com/therapists/sherry-katz-lcsw | <p>The world needs more people lately who have such a high degree of empathy which you describe in yourself!</p><p>If it feels a little burdensome, then look to balance what is too much with its opposite. </p><p>Since you're giving a lot of empathy, maybe you'd like receiving a lot of empathy.</p><p>In the situation you describe, when you start empathizing with others, real or cartoon, ask yourself whether you've felt empathy coming in your direction lately.</p><p>Often people give to others what they feel within themselves is missing.</p><p>The emotional brain reasons that if I give you my support, say, then at least I will feel half of what being supported is like.</p><p>Obviously the wish to receive more empathy cannot be fulfilled by you directly. Empathy is delivered by someone who is willing to offer it.</p><p>Reflect on whether you are allowing those who are in your world, to know when you would like to receive their empathy.</p><p>Is it possible you keep your feelings to yourself and present as though you are able to handle a great deal more than you'd like to handle without anyone's kindness to support you?</p><p>Being open to others about your own inner thoughts and feelings is much more difficult than it sounds.</p><p>It sounds easy to just tell someone how you feel.</p><p>Sometimes the first step is the most difficult, of accessing how you feel.</p><p>Start with knowing the amount of empathy you'd like from others and what stops you from asking.</p><p><br></p><p>Also, about your diagnosis and the lack of studies and lists and formulas. Each person is unique, the instructions and guidelines don't necessarily mean very much. Often having a diagnosis makes a person feel weak, stigmatized, incompetent. </p><p>Forget the diagnosis and concentrate on what you need to do differently in order to feel better.</p><p>The answers are inside you, not inside a book or website.</p> | 0 |