Datasets:

quocanh34

/

mental_health_dataset_1

like 5

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-17T04:54:34.000Z

ce8978

ptsd

i want hormone therapy but

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce8978/i_want_hormone_therapy_but/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-17T04:18:40.000Z

ce7x4d

ptsd

Having a really horrible night

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce7x4d/having_a_really_horrible_night/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-17T03:18:55.000Z

ce7br3

ptsd

Flashbacks to childhood assault I dont remember

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce7br3/flashbacks_to_childhood_assault_i_dont_remember/

k8iew24

Sometimes I can't help but feel like I don't deserve to be diagnosed with PTSD. I can't help but compare my situation with that of veterans, domestic violence survivors or rape survivors feel like I don't deserve to be as traumatized by what happened to me as I am. I had a college classmate that I was becoming friendly with, come up behind me, grab me by my throat and drag me backwards, completely unprovoked. My college refused to protect me and tried to get him a private attorney to fight my charges against him in court. It's hard being so young with a PTSD diagnosis because everyone, myself included, is inclined to dismiss me and say I'm too young to have gone through enough trauma to induce PTSD. Does anyone have some advice for how to overcome this feeling? Edit: Thank you so much for the gold! Seriously made a darker day brighter :)

2019-07-17T02:54:45.000Z

ce72sg

ptsd

Unworthy of a diagnosis

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce72sg/unworthy_of_a_diagnosis/

nazar10001

I would just like to start it of by saying how I hate how my life turn out and also other things I hate about it. Things that my cptsd makes me hate... So.. I hate that I am no longer a kid, I hate that I can no longer go to playground and play games. I hate that I cannot play around with other kids, I hate that I cannot have adventures as a kid, I hate that I cannot experience growing up again, I hate that I cannot have social moments with other kids as a kid, I hate that I cannot be a kid with supporting parents. I hate that I cannot be a kid with loving parents. I hate that I cannot be a kid with funny moments, I hate not having sleepovers as a kid, I hate not hearing supportive things as a kid. I hate I had to grow up faster, I hate that I cannot be a kid from the beggining, I hate that knowing all those things would never realistically be possible, but I still want them. I hate that my childhood ended so fast. I hate that I never really had a chance to really experience some of those. I hate that no one goes outside to play anymore, I hate that I cannot go to playground anymore, I hate that I have no friends that understand where I am coming from. I hate that my emotions don't work well, I hate that I cannot feel the feeling of having good sleep in the morning, I hate that I cannot feel thousands of feelings/tastes/smells/moments I used to feel when I was a kid. I hate that my memory does not work well, I hate having de ya vu moments reminding me of a feeling I used feel when I was kid for few milliseconds, which then disappears and me being unable to even remind myself of how it felt. I hate being numb, I hate being fake, I hate that no one knows me well, I hate that I always was my own teacher, I hate not being able to talk with my parents, I hate my parents not understanding any of it, I hate how fake society is, I hate people ignoring everything that is wrong with the world. I hate that my ptsd doesn't even sound traumatic... Ehh, sad life... I know this post was not great but I just felt like releasing some of the annoyance I have. Thanks for reading.

2019-07-17T01:05:37.000Z

ce5wyg

ptsd

Venting out, Trigger warning I guess?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce5wyg/venting_out_trigger_warning_i_guess/

starsonthatgirl

I've never had this issue come up before - I always wondered what agoraphobics feel - but I'm starting to get a hellava lot of anxiety thinking about going outside and Absolutely about crossing the street. I can walk on my block but... I feel unsafe. I think it's because my partner of 2 years was my foundation (I have no family...I do but they are the reason I am this way so they are no longer in my life) and we split a few weeks ago so now my whole life is shaky. 'If I couldn't rely on him, what can I rely on' sort of mentality I think is the underlier of it all even though I'm not actively thinking about that when I'm thinking about venturing outside. It just kind of goes black in my brain and I feel so small and the world is so big with endless possibilities. Someone could, dare I say it, Talk to me on the street. When I say it or write it out or type it out, it seems ridiculous but here I am, relying on the lorazepam. I wish I could go back to drinking...cover it all up. But now those 20 years are behind me. I guess I have to keep moving forward but it just seems to be one thing after another that's triggering and terrifying. Thanks for letting me rant. ​ Edit: the only thing that helps is any of Hank Green's podcasts. For some reason, his stuff makes me feel like I'm not alone.

2019-07-17T00:49:06.000Z

ce5qe5

ptsd

Scared to go outside now, I guess

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce5qe5/scared_to_go_outside_now_i_guess/

HorrifulDistraction

My ptsd has been manifesting in strange ways (I just left college and got most trauma from childhood) I've started having auditory hallucinations, like hearing glass break and murderous screaming. I've also been having dreams about my primary abuser, or others would call her my mother. I'm a divorcee (I and past counselors agree that I somehow managed to marry someone like my mother), and I had a dream that I was marrying her last night. Has anyone been dealing with strange manifestations of stress lately?

2019-07-16T23:19:52.000Z

ce4q93

ptsd

Auditory Hallucinations

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce4q93/auditory_hallucinations/

France19

Currently experiencing many somatic and life disturbances that stem from c-ptsd. My bloodline is riffed with unofficially diagnosed personality disorders that stem from repeated early childhood trauma, including my parents, one of which died when I was a toddler. How long does a diagnosis take? is it more important to let the therapy process continue without focusing on receiving an official diagnosis? Many fragmented memories and dissociative feelings are surfacing and I’m not sure if setting a label on it will halt the trauma healing by using it as a distraction to not re experience the pain or move forward.

2019-07-16T22:42:16.000Z

ce4a4e

ptsd

Anyone with DDNOS?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce4a4e/anyone_with_ddnos/

q4clockwork

Had my annual exam and broke down in the middle of it. The doctor gave me a script for 5 xanax tablets to take in the future before exams with her. I don't even think they were able to get the exam fully finished. I feel sore and exhausted. Kinda numb after it all. Anyone else have issues with vaginal exams?

2019-07-16T21:08:43.000Z

ce332j

ptsd

Ob/Gyn with past child sexual assault

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce332j/obgyn_with_past_child_sexual_assault/

agirlhasnoname17

They seem to have literally zero effect on me. Kinda weird. Is it the dosage?

2019-07-16T20:16:07.000Z

ce2e3b

ptsd

Do beta blockers actually work for anyone?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce2e3b/do_beta_blockers_actually_work_for_anyone/

aspiringandroid

a month before I was diagnosed (April of this year) I had a really gnarly depressive / flashback / everything-is-terrible episode. it's now July and I'm just now feeling good enough reliably enough to get my life back together. I'm really frustrated! I like to think of myself as a decently organized person, but man. my room was rough. I'll be okay, and I have good supports, but it's still kinda frustrating to be in this place at this time.

2019-07-16T19:57:26.000Z

ce259b

ptsd

cleaning for the first time since a bad depressive episode [rant/vent]

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce259b/cleaning_for_the_first_time_since_a_bad/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-16T19:56:53.000Z

ce250h

ptsd

Does anyone else have resentment against they’re friends for no reason?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce250h/does_anyone_else_have_resentment_against_theyre/

[deleted]

I’ve been dealing with PTSD and nearly every morning I wake up depressed. This has been going on for over a year now, almost every morning I have a flashback that’s more intense than any flashback I deal with during the day. Even with no flashback I deal with very depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed feelings and can’t get out of bed. I feel worthless and sad. Sometimes my dreams cause it, or sometimes it’s for no reason at all. I’m wondering if there’s some explanation/reason why it’s so much worse in the morning when I wake up. I’m wondering if anyone has dealt with this and what did you do?? I have started drinking heavily in the mornings when I first wake up because I can’t deal with the pain.

2019-07-16T19:15:00.000Z

ce1l6c

ptsd

PTSD—waking up depressed/with flashbacks

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce1l6c/ptsdwaking_up_depressedwith_flashbacks/

manwithnoguts

I went to my psychiatrist about a month ago and she told me that there is a good chance I have childhood PTSD. I just want to know if the symptoms I have and the things I do are actually a sign of PTSD or if it is because I am sensitive. A tiny background, I was raised in a family with a mother who was verbally and psychologically abusive. My father helped her by allowing this to go on and threatening me with the possibility of going to my mother if I didn’t get my act together. My mom and dad used to fight a quite a bit and it hurt me as a child. I didn’t like seeing my parents hostile and upset with each other. It was always the same scenario, my dad screwed up on something small and my mother threw a shitfit over it. She would use blatant hatred and wrath against my father. When I screwed up significantly or if I screwed up on something small and she was having a bad day, I would have the same hatred and wrath thrown at me. I seemed to absorb all the negative energy, I couldn’t take it. Even when I was not being disciplined, I absorbed her hate and directed it towards myself. I began to fear my home and I was insecure about my parents and my behavior. Later in my childhood I developed one anxiety which I think was pretty bad as I could become anxious enough to pass out. My mother always thought I was faking and she had to restrain herself from hitting me in the head while I was unconscious one time. I began to fear myself as well as my home. Nowadays when my mom gets angry, I have the same reaction as I did when I was a kid. This was to isolate myself and cry as I directed the hate towards me. When my mom gets mad at me, I loose my personality and become an appeaser to make the incoming pain that I know will be coming more bearable. When it is all over I become emotional and cry like I did when I was a child. Nowadays I hear her voice inside my head, disciplining me and degrading me till there is nothing left but a sad and lifeless mind. I can be fine one minute, and as soon as my mom gets angry, I feel like a kid being yelled at and degraded and I instantly break down mentally. I try to avoid my family as much as possible for the things my mother did to me. I am still afraid of home and what happens when I screw up. When bad stuff happens because of my mother, I loose all happiness inside.

2019-07-16T17:28:58.000Z

ce05r9

ptsd

I think my screwed up childhood gave me some form of PTSD.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ce05r9/i_think_my_screwed_up_childhood_gave_me_some_form/

brattynattylite

i’ve had ptsd for 10 years but 7 months ago had another horrible traumatic thing happen to me. i can barely get through the day. i want to be asleep or drunk all the time. i don’t want to be conscious for my life. I’m 25 and i remember horribly depressed 16 year old me telling myself i just have to keep going and maybe when i’m 25 if life is still so painful i can end it then. i’m not actively suicidal but i look at my life now and this is not what 16 year old me wanted for myself. i feel like i’ve failed that younger more optimistic version of myself. does the toll of having all this trauma ever get easier to carry? i’m in therapy but lately my therapist has mentioned that i’m still in survival mode and unable to process any of the trauma. i just want my life to be so different. i want to wake up happy or at least not depressed, i want to go to the gym and be physically active, i don’t want to be irritable all the time, i want to be the type of person that has hobbies and i dream of having a vegetable garden and eating well and socializing. instead i just drink vodka on my couch and try to drown the world out. it doesn’t help that i was a) raped in this house and b) two trans women have been murdered on my block in the last couple months. i don’t have the money to move right now but i know living here isn’t helping anything. i’ve just gotten to a point where i don’t see how my life could ever get better, more tolerable. i don’t want to be a depressed alcoholic mess but when i think about my future that’s all i can see :(

2019-07-16T16:17:20.000Z

cdz6ve

ptsd

is it like this forever?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdz6ve/is_it_like_this_forever/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-16T13:12:21.000Z

cdwv03

ptsd

I'm not a real doctor and I do not want to confuse people here. Should I say this every time I share my insights?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdwv03/im_not_a_real_doctor_and_i_do_not_want_to_confuse/

JupiterTroop

I hope it's okay that I joined this group as I don't have c-ptsd. I've (25) been dating the love of my life (29) (who has c-ptsd) for over a year now and everything was going just as a normal relationship goes after this amount of time together. Of course, we've had a few arguments (which I've realized over the last couple days could have been aided by more research and support on my part), but he seemed to be handling his symptoms very well. He wakes up a few times a night, sweating, and sometimes I wake up to find him smoking a bowl (the only thing that relaxes him enough to sleep). He will sometimes sit events out, and is super adamant about doing his morning routine in order to regulate himself, but he hasn't (at least haven't seen) anything major. He has never been violent towards me or doubted our relationship, always tells me he loves me and when he's feeling triggered, and we are intimate and supportive of one another. . When he had his accident a few years ago, he broke up with his then-girlfriend because the physically-traumatic event had brought up old childhood memories and he said he couldn't handle it and it wasn't fair to her that he couldn't be the man he thought she needed. He started experiencing c-ptsd stemming from his childhood and being the oldest sibling and needing to drop school and everything and take care of his younger siblings and his mom. He had assured me multiple times that he would not break up with me if he were in another accident and I believed him. He fell off his bike a few weeks ago and hurt his arm and has not been able to work out (which is usually his go-to method of re-setting himself) and I think that may have been the point where things started to fall out of place for him. A few weeks after he hurt his arm, he got triggered and I could see his eyes go blank and he took up the flight or fight reflexes and started crying, and saying that he couldn't be with me and we needed to break up. I held him and let him cry and told him he was safe and let him know I was there for him and he calmed down. We said that we would talk about the incident later because he was still pretty triggered and we didn't talk about it for a week. I told him I wanted to talk because I was insecure about him wanting to break us up and I wanted to know how to make it better. We agreed that we would talk about it soon and that everything was okay. Because he was handling his symptoms so well, I've been inattentive to what he deals with internally on a daily bases and I haven't been there for him in the capacity that he needs me to be. I've been smoking to much and haven't been truly present when we've seen each other and had been thinking about why he would want to break up with me and how I could help him feel heard. I realized my lack of effort and made a point to show him that I was back to myself when he came over one day and started crying and said, "I want to break up, I don't see us together." I broke down crying, but then told him that I understand that he's going through a lot and I love him and respect what he needs. We smoked a bowl together so that we both could calm down and sat together for a while before we cried by the door and waved at each other through the window while he drove away. When we were snapchatting later, and I was asking him what triggered this and what about our relationship wasn't working for him, he said, "I can't handle the pressure of being your rock, and everyone in my family's rock..." and I realized that I had been putting too much pressure on him. I had let him see me compare myself to girls on instagram with babies and husbands and houses (when he already feels like he is behind in life because of the time it took to recover from his first accident) and was asking for his support too much. and not being fully there for him. I wasn't handling my shit and he couldn't take the pressure of needing to be there for me and every other person in his family. I told him that I understood that I wasn't being the best I could be and I thanked him for calling me out (even though it took some requesting on my part for him to tell me). I told him that now that I realized the situation and how much I was affecting him that I could change my behavior now and I would be there for him 100%. I told him I' completely happy with our relationship and living by myself and just wanted to love him. He had been masking his trauma and I took it at face value that he didn't need extra support. He replied saying he was grateful that I said all of this but he still needed time to think. I understand that c-ptsd is hard to handle and he need to spend a lot of time recovering from interactions, so I didn't take offense. He has asked me for two weeks of no contact so that he can process. He texted me the first night saying goodnight and I'm sorry. He sent me a heart and said he'll be in touch. I'm hoping it's the c-ptsd that it causing him to isolate and he just needs some time to process. I know he loves me and we have been solid for over a year so I really didn't see this coming- I would have snapped into it if I had any inclination he was suffering more than usual and considering a break up outside of being triggered. I appreciate any advice you can give me, I love this man and I don't want to see him in pain. I've already watched (today) about five hours of videos on the topic so that I can be the best support I can be for him. I'm also scared that I'll put in all this effort and at the end of the two weeks he'll say that he's decided he doesn't want to be with me. It's the end of day one and I could really use some advice. I'm hoping he wanted to break up because he couldn't see our relationship changing in a way that could support him. Now that he knows that I am owning the fact that I haven't been my best self and am already working on fixing that (I quit smoking and have gone on two runs and two gym sessions), do you think he will change his mind? Does it sound to you like I adjusted to his needs and said the right thing and he'll come back to me? Thank you for reading <3 EDIT: he goes to therapy and meditates and does yoga consistently (has a 2 hour routine in the morning to help him reset and prepare for the day) does research, and generally maintains his composure and symptoms- this is the first time I’ve seen him display more intense symptoms and I think it has something to do with his recent injury.

2019-07-16T04:49:17.000Z

cdshzw

ptsd

My boyfriend has C-PTSD and wants 2 weeks no contact to process his feelings and see if he wants to break up- please advise!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdshzw/my_boyfriend_has_cptsd_and_wants_2_weeks_no/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-16T04:07:11.000Z

cds3zc

ptsd

Weapon threat PTSD?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cds3zc/weapon_threat_ptsd/

shakespearestark

I ruminate too much when I’m in bed and on the phone. Prob need to put the phone away to sleep but when I’m experiencing difficult emotional flashbacks and can’t sleep without sitting up in a panic, I get the phone out to distract myself. *big ole sigh*

2019-07-16T04:06:50.000Z

cds3ud

ptsd

Finding myself triggered and panicked always right before bed... thanks mind/body for hating me this way

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cds3ud/finding_myself_triggered_and_panicked_always/

jennybettybee

Hi there – I just found this Reddit. I would love some feedback about intrusive thoughts and EMDR. This is a long post, sorry! &#x200B; Background – I have PTSD from when I had a mental breakdown in 2008 at 18 years old, which was essentially caused by a severe panic disorder I'd had for about a year at that point. Turns out I also have OCD as a secondary condition which comes out when things are really, really bad – so it came out for the first time in 2008, and then it came out again in September 2017 when I was triggered, had a one hour panic attack, and then everything went to hell. &#x200B; It took me about 2 years to get to a fairly solid spot after my 2008 breakdown. I'm now 1 year and 10ish months out since my breakdown in 2017, and I'm still struggling. I couldn't even leave my house at first and had to do exposure therapy once my mood was more controlled by medication, starting with just 1 mile from home. I can now very comfortably be most places within 3 miles from home, and often work on going to places up to 5-5.5 miles from home, but my functionality is still iffy that far out. I can stop into a gas station or small store, but would be able to go out to eat with a friend somewhere 5 miles away. I love downtown and would go there every day, but my parents live out in a suburb 10 miles away from downtown, so I feel very cut off from my favorite places, the people I know, and events I would like to go to. &#x200B; Generally I'm a fairly easygoing person, so even though I'm frustrated, I don't let it bring me down, and I don't really have anxiety or panic attacks, as the whole problem is that my PTSD causes me to be terrified of attacks, so I avoid anything that may cause an attack. &#x200B; This morning, quite randomly, I woke up at 4:30am. While still not fully awake, I caught onto an intrusive thought – I know this is more of an OCD thing, but happens with PTSD too – about hurting myself. This is my OCD thought, the only one I have. It terrifies me, so obviously when I have that thought, my brain likes to latch onto it. Usually I can brush it aside, but for whatever reason, I just kept building it up and adding fuel to the fire thinking about my slow progress, bullying myself, etc., until my stomach felt like it was on fire (my physical symptoms recently have been this hot stomach feeling and feeling flushed), and I got up, took .25mg Xanax, used the restroom, and then moved to my couch and put the TV on, then fell asleep. This is so abnormal for me and I haven't felt particularly bad recently so I don't think it's my medications. I've been a bit more stressed recently about some things, and I am very close to my cycle, so I'm PMSing fairly hard, which affects my anxiety. But it's still abnormal. I felt much better after I had gotten up and was fully awake, so I think it has something to do with being groggy and not having anything to distract me. I'm not sure. &#x200B; Anyway, I felt good that I was able to handle the situation, and though I felt a bit off today, which I figured I would, I didn't feel terrible. My question is about intrusive thoughts like these, and what methods any of you may have to stop it from snowballing when you feel like it's starting to get out of control. I was pretty concerned for a minute there, but it would have been better if I could have done something to stop it before it got to that point. &#x200B; The other question I have is just about EMDR. I've heard wonderful things from the PA at my psychiatrist's office, as well as people I know who have done it. I had done it a bit with a couple of other therapists, but I stopped prematurely because I didn't feel like I was doing it right, and neither of them told me that's just how most people feel and it takes time to get used to it and see progress from it. I'm hoping introducing EMDR into my therapy will improve my exposure therapy efforts. I'm also looking into changing up my diet a bit and practicing mindful meditation 20 minutes twice a day. &#x200B; Any words of advice from your personal experiences would be appreciated. Thanks!

2019-07-16T03:33:41.000Z

cdrs8q

ptsd

How to Stop the Intrusive Thought Snowball

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdrs8q/how_to_stop_the_intrusive_thought_snowball/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T22:55:14.000Z

cdosnd

ptsd

Any advice on dealing with cosntant everyday triggers?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdosnd/any_advice_on_dealing_with_cosntant_everyday/

Mortar_Maggot

I just wanted to share a short story about yesterday. It was a great day, I had actually been pretty stress free. I got some cleaning done with my partner and we were on to getting dinner ready. Then it happened,out of nowhere. I feel like I can't breathe. My brain has decided it's over a decade ago and I'm laying in the back of my humvee right after getting hit by an IED. My service dog jumps on me in the super happy way she has because she's about to get the good treats. But that's not the worst part. The worst part was the emotional numbness I felt for the rest of the night. Anger would have been super easy. But love and happiness? They were nowhere to be found. The only way I can describe this feeling is that being so close to death, (or having your brain convinced you were just there), makes everything that you think matters in the world fall away. This bleakness is the worst part. But just like it always does, it passed. I've had PTSD for a long time now and this is the biggest thing I've learned. The darkest parts are always temporary.

2019-07-15T20:25:26.000Z

cdmxv9

ptsd

Never Give Up

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdmxv9/never_give_up/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T20:17:38.000Z

cdmuar

ptsd

One opportunity to get therapy. How can I get the most out of it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdmuar/one_opportunity_to_get_therapy_how_can_i_get_the/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T19:46:14.000Z

cdmeyp

ptsd

Parents too shallow for me to overcome my ptsd. Venting out/sharing my dynamic.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdmeyp/parents_too_shallow_for_me_to_overcome_my_ptsd/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T19:38:17.000Z

cdmb0y

ptsd

Years of PTSD is ruining my lifee

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdmb0y/years_of_ptsd_is_ruining_my_lifee/

lesbianetc

My therapist started working out of state so we cannot see each other anymore. Today I had to call a new therapist and schedule an appointment. The moment I hung up, I just felt dead. I’m laying in bed, trying not to cry. Therapist “break ups” are so hard. I’ve never had one before. He was my first therapist and he really really understood me and helped me. I wasn’t sad after our last session, but now I’m so empty and so tired.

2019-07-15T17:32:37.000Z

cdkivy

ptsd

One phone call took everything out of me today

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdkivy/one_phone_call_took_everything_out_of_me_today/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T16:18:30.000Z

cdjhni

ptsd

Should I reach out?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdjhni/should_i_reach_out/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T14:14:35.000Z

cdhz65

ptsd

Why does it hurt so much

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdhz65/why_does_it_hurt_so_much/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T13:20:12.000Z

cdhdx0

ptsd

their smug indifference when they see the hurt they caused you

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdhdx0/their_smug_indifference_when_they_see_the_hurt/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T12:29:50.000Z

cdgus3

ptsd

Sexual abuse/parents' seperation/dropping out WWYD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdgus3/sexual_abuseparents_seperationdropping_out_wwyd/

ZoeySpark

That’s the PTSD talking tonight. I made the mistake of looking back at something I really wanted but had to give up because of my body’s response to stress. It’s not fair. I tried. I fucking made plans and waited a month and prepared my life and my body still betrayed me. Why do I torture myself by looking back and missing it, when my body said enough “nope you fucking broken piece of shit you aren’t allowed to be happy” already? I’m not making sense. But my brain doesn’t seem to want to do that anymore.

2019-07-15T10:31:44.000Z

cdft1m

ptsd

I am an asshole and I can’t do anything right

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdft1m/i_am_an_asshole_and_i_cant_do_anything_right/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-15T08:45:08.000Z

cdeziq

ptsd

[NSFW] (Possible triggers) Can't sleep again due to the nightmares.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdeziq/nsfw_possible_triggers_cant_sleep_again_due_to/

Nnudmac

I don't do great with unexpected loud noises. If I know it's coming it doesnt really affect me. Well, I just started working in a new state and the bathroom door opens normally and closes really really really really slowly. Until the last 3 inches where it slams shut and is super loud and echo-y in the bathroom. Cue my first time using it and I had to go number 2. Door slams and right on out it all came. Quickest poo I've had in awhile. I guess there can sometimes be silver linings.

2019-07-15T08:22:44.000Z

cdetr7

ptsd

My new workplace's delayed bathroom door really helped me poo.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdetr7/my_new_workplaces_delayed_bathroom_door_really/

ptsdThrowaway019

So for the past year or so, I've been in a program that let me take the 1001 firefighter course. I posted a thing about it a few months ago looking for some help on how to tough it out. Understandably, people told me that I really wasn't helping anyone by wasting resources on it. Well intentioned, but there's a lot more riding on this than my pride (or lack thereof). I ended up deleting the post because I was already insecure about not being worth their trouble. I know now that I can't keep up with the other guys and I have no plans to enter the service. That's just how it is and I doubt taking a valuable seat on the engine will help anyone if someone better can do it. I know it sounds like my self esteem is really low. And while it is, that's not what's making me say this. I've seen what these people can do. I am not built for that. And while I can handle a training drill, it's much different when real people have to be saved. I cannot keep up. But that's okay. I finished the course today. (I was gonna have more but holy fucj im exhausted so goodnight I can't believe I did it.

2019-07-15T07:50:46.000Z

cdekz9

ptsd

2 in the morning, I finished my firefighter training

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdekz9/2_in_the_morning_i_finished_my_firefighter/

ParodyOfEssence

I did a lot of EMDR to reprocess my trauma. That went better than expected and now it’s incredibly manageable. Almost never get flashbacks and I can cope with intrusive thoughts. The next thing I’m dealing with are my personality issues. PTSD can sometimes resemble borderline personality disorder and I’m looking for resources for coping with that so I can get on with people better. Has anyone done CBT for this? What was the most helpful? What insights do you have to share? Thanks a lot!

2019-07-15T07:04:11.000Z

cde7tx

ptsd

Dealing with personality issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cde7tx/dealing_with_personality_issues/

butterflyfrenchfry

I didn’t get to present my final project because someone down the hall yelled “shooter” and we spent the last moments in that classroom fearing for our lives. 2 people were killed, 4 injured during that time less than 100 meters from me, by a fucked up kid who dropped out of my history class mid semester. I spent so much time, energy, blood sweat and tears on my stupid fucking degree and now not only do I have nightmares, but I don’t know what to do with my degree and can’t get myself to even try job hunting. The thought of school makes me sick. Walking campus makes me feel like shit. My graduation revolved around paying tribute to the dead, there was no motivational speech I get to think back on. Everyone told me to get my degree, it was the only way to move forward in life. So I finally did. But now what? What do I do with this? What was the fucking point?

2019-07-15T06:54:57.000Z

cde548

ptsd

It took me twelve years to get my bachelors degree and I just feel like there’s a black cloud hovering above it all now, thanks to the shooting

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cde548/it_took_me_twelve_years_to_get_my_bachelors/

sailorscoutfromhell

How do you get over the feeling that you're not a person? That you're just a cadaver with a heartbeat and have no place in the real world? I've gotten better at getting past it, but maybe it never really goes away. I lost someone I care about a few years ago, and between that, an abusive relationship in the past, and the looming return to surgeries and even more pain and violation on the horizon, I'm uh. Not having the best night. I think writing this helped me through the spell, so if it gets deleted that's fine. But I tell my psychiatrist these feelings and she seems to think I'm being dramatic. Idk, this post is a mess but maybe one of you will feel better knowing we're all a mess

2019-07-15T06:21:35.000Z

cddvpf

ptsd

Tw: medical, death

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cddvpf/tw_medical_death/

CheckznStripes

My step mom yells at me for most things I do wrong or things I do that she just doesnt like. Leaving my windows open with A.c. on (not noticing the a.c. was on because nobody told me) Borrowing things and not putting it back right after Leaving my stuff downstairs Not cleaning the dishes the way she does Ect ect... It makes me very sad and I often try to explain to myself why she is doing this but it does nothing to fix the problem. (Just to be clear by yelling I mean saying negative things about me and my personality very loudly). I have ptsd and we have talked about it plenty of times. She can see when she triggers it because her insults get louder and harsher in attempts to break me out of my dissisociation. The mistakes I make are subtle ones that I struggle to notice (clearly) and talking to her won't work. Any tips?

2019-07-15T02:41:37.000Z

cdbvoc

ptsd

Ptsd with mean step mom

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cdbvoc/ptsd_with_mean_step_mom/

FRG2015_kd

I’ve been married for over 18 years and most of our marriage has been largely sexless. We have been in therapy for over 10 years and less than a year ago, my wife revealed she was molested as a 5 year old. The therapist said that she has ptsd around sex because of this. I feel hopeless, like things will never change and I’ll either have to get a divorce or be abstinent for the rest of my life. I am really depressed because of this. Any advice.

2019-07-14T23:36:20.000Z

cd9y7e

ptsd

Sexless marriage because of ptsd

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd9y7e/sexless_marriage_because_of_ptsd/

anotsoseriousserpent

It’s been weeks now since I haven’t had a decent nights rest / sleep. I’m loosing my sanity and I feel helpless and hopeless. Every time I try to fall asleep, my mind is currently on a loop remembering all the fuck ups and terrible memories I have accumulated over the years. So I stay up restless until I’m so exhausted I pass out. It doesn’t help That I have social anxiety and depression too. I’m only on depression medication . So I’ve just been downing allergy pills and mixing melatonin drops with water lately (from time to time) ... but that doesn’t help either. I don’t know what do and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone close about this as well. Does anyone have a similar experience or can offer advice on how to stop overthinking ? Thanks in advance. I just want to be better. I feel a failure in every sense of the word atm even though I know better.

2019-07-14T23:30:29.000Z

cd9vzg

ptsd

Can’t sleep due to awful memories / Need advice

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd9vzg/cant_sleep_due_to_awful_memories_need_advice/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-14T23:01:31.000Z

cd9kts

ptsd

Ptsd? Common question but I need your experience please

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd9kts/ptsd_common_question_but_i_need_your_experience/

AbsurdPigment

Shitty. Just shitty. I gained 50 pounds in 5 months after my trauma. I remember when I was excited to go shopping for clothes. I didnt buy anything except shoes and socks. Just feel like fucking garbage.

2019-07-14T22:42:32.000Z

cd9dej

ptsd

Clothes shopping for the first time since trauma

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd9dej/clothes_shopping_for_the_first_time_since_trauma/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-14T22:40:48.000Z

cd9crj

ptsd

Facebook events now only show friends...and not the people I check it for (TW: bullying, child abuse, sexual abuse mentioned)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd9crj/facebook_events_now_only_show_friendsand_not_the/

iplaymusicloud

Dear friends, I need some help... &#x200B; I am recently out of my own 20 year marriage, which I had filed for divorce as my wife was neglectful, spiteful, and abusive. However this post is not about me... (For context, I'm in my early 40's, she's in her late 30's.) I started dating a woman a few months ago that I am absolutely in love with as she is with me. She told me early on that she has some history of sexual abuse (she was raped as a teenager by a neighbor), and the last relationships she has, she hasn't picked the best of companions. (From what she tells me, I am the first person whom in her entire life treats her with love, respect, and appreciation.) She has a family history of addiction (alcohol, drugs), and she is a functioning alcoholic to help numb the pain of her past. She also has bouts of panic attacks which are triggered by certain events. Events which are triggered by sexual actions. (Orgasming, etc.) She's had mini panic attacks that last a few minutes in the past, and she's told me what I can do to help her through them. (Essentially hold her, talk to her in a calm voice.) However, recently the panic attacks have gotten really bad, to the point where she crawls into corners, screams and cries. I love this woman more than life itself... What else can I do to help her?

2019-07-14T21:46:14.000Z

cd8qep

ptsd

Please help me...

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd8qep/please_help_me/

Kn0xV3gas

I didn’t realize I had a problem until one afternoon I stopped by my parents home. They were watching Bodycam, and it showed footage of a Trooper being shot. I’ve never cared for the show COPS and all that, so I don’t watch them. My Apple Watch began screaming at me, because my pulse was 135 and holding. I started having shortness of breath and had to walk outside to get myself to calm down. I have worked in the field, and as a dispatcher. I had worked a lot of bad stuff in my years, including three officer involved shootings, and many horrific calls people cannot imagine. Lost a few good guys I worked with along the way too. I’m glad I got out of that line of work, and I work the EMS side of things now. But I didn’t realize how much it bothered me until a few days ago. It’s like that triggered something I cannot explain. Anyone else we’ve experience anything similar to what I experienced? I’m not sure it was post traumatic stress, but something happened I cannot explain.

2019-07-14T16:34:55.000Z

cd50n3

ptsd

I don’t know if it is PTSD, but something happened I’ve not experienced before.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd50n3/i_dont_know_if_it_is_ptsd_but_something_happened/

iaobd

I get very bad anxiety when I start to have feelings for someone. I feel like I'm not good enough and start beating myself up, very very bad. I am always reminded about what has happened to me and it's hard for me to not get anxious and feel guilty (but I know deep down there is nothing to feel guilty about). I'm not ready for a relationship, but when I do get feelings I dont know how to handle it. And lately it's made my depression a little worse.

2019-07-14T15:08:25.000Z

cd418o

ptsd

How do you cope?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd418o/how_do_you_cope/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-14T14:29:01.000Z

cd3lx6

ptsd

“Flashback” type response, but without an actual flashback?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd3lx6/flashback_type_response_but_without_an_actual/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-14T13:46:18.000Z

cd36gw

ptsd

My Friend and I Were Jumped Last Night

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd36gw/my_friend_and_i_were_jumped_last_night/

[deleted]

I have a coworker that reminds me a lot of my abusive dad. She is constantly screaming at me or other people, & loosing her temper. As of lately i have been getting panic attacks at work because of her. Yesterday was the worst one. My panic attacks include a lot of physical symptoms such as vomiting, chest pain, dizziness, & hyperventilating. Yesterday, when i had a panic attack it went black for just a moment. I went to the bathroom to throw up & then when i came out i almost collapsed. One of my coworkers came in and she went to go tell my manager. I felt like i was dying. She called the paramedics & they came to check me out. I didnt end up going to the hospital, but just going home insteas. Idk what to say to this coworker. She seems oblivious to how she treats other people.

2019-07-14T12:48:05.000Z

cd2n4f

ptsd

Panic attack because of co-worker who acts like my verbally abusive dad (tw verbal abuse)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd2n4f/panic_attack_because_of_coworker_who_acts_like_my/

[deleted]

[removed]

2019-07-14T11:40:22.000Z

cd22sl

ptsd

I Think Maybe PTSD, Dissociation & Flashbacks, or is this something else? I don't Know.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cd22sl/i_think_maybe_ptsd_dissociation_flashbacks_or_is/

abukharma48

I cave live like this anymore. I'm done. ✌️😭

2019-07-14T06:10:23.000Z

cczr1n

ptsd

Fk ptsd I'm done for good.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cczr1n/fk_ptsd_im_done_for_good/

throwaway9fd328

I can't listen to people saying loving or sweet things to me anymore because of trauma. My abusers would constantly tell me things like that and then they'd hurt me, over and over. Every time someone tells me "I love you" or any other similar sentence I get an episode and it lasts for the entire fucking day.

2019-07-14T05:56:41.000Z

cczna8

ptsd

Can't hear people tell me "I love you" anymore

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cczna8/cant_hear_people_tell_me_i_love_you_anymore/

hufflepups

Anyone else get feelings like this? I can't quite put my finger on it or put it into the right words. Like I've had these feelings of almost feeling someone else's... Personality for my whole life. But it's happening more lately since I left my situation. I get the feeling of the abusers aura or personality. I probably sound crazy but yep

2019-07-14T02:06:52.000Z

ccxlpb

ptsd

Almost feeling that person's aura or presence?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccxlpb/almost_feeling_that_persons_aura_or_presence/

W1ndchill1836

TW: Sexual abuse &#x200B; I'm a young guy in his 20's with a decent social circle, but I've never had sex as being abused when I was 17 has given me an extreme subconscious fear of it. I can joke about it or talk about it with others, no problem. But when presented with any opportunity or if **I'm** the subject of someone's sexual focus, I become incredibly nervous and it often takes me a fair amount of time to calm back down. I only recently learned this about myself, because as mentioned above my brain kind of buried it. It didn't take much for me to realize that sex shouldn't be connected to such an amount of fear and dread when it could be consensual and with someone I was attracted to, so I told my therapist about it. The initial conversation was as comfortable as one might expect, but I certainly felt good for getting it off my chest. The strange thing is that now, I'm having erections and fantasies as often as a 14 year old boy might or something. With each layer of sexual gunk I get off of me, the more excitable I am. I must say, it's quite unnerving to leave your therapist's office having just talked about being touched in a way you really didn't like, but you also having a raging boner in the back of your uber. I think it's because I'm slowly relearning how to open up that side of myself, but it's still weird as hell. Is this normal? Has *anyone* else of any gender orientation experienced this? I'm feeling pretty grossed out and confused by this

2019-07-14T00:22:58.000Z

ccwlq6

ptsd

Having some very strange reactions to therapy

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccwlq6/having_some_very_strange_reactions_to_therapy/

Pvineappless

Does anybody elses parents intentionally try to hurt them/trigger you and then laugh about you getting upset or try to belittle/degrade you for it? Its sick. Its fucked up. My family has done this for years. They also had kicked me out for being lesbian in the past. They hurt me and when I cry they insult me until I am upset. If i show anger or any emotion they harass and laugh and smile. They also insult and nitpick me over EVERY thing. I got free italian bread from work. I did not eat anything today except a piece of that bread with some cream cheese on it, and a yogurt. I also ran 3 miles. My mother looks at me and yells "WHAT ARE YOU EATING?" Then she judges my food intake. Says I eat too much or too little when I eat normally. I am jacked and athletic and everything I do is judged. I get told im too fat or too thin and I have stayed the same weight 118-120 lbs for years. I keep to myself and dont interact with them because of what they did to me but sadly I have to live with them. Family that tries to trigger you and abuse you even when they know you are struggling hurts. They are sick people. *edit: people saying I need to move out. I want to. But sadly I cannot hold a job and cannot afford to move out. I have been in low income housing and was abused in it. I am trying hard but I cannot do it alone*

2019-07-13T22:43:26.000Z

ccvkb8

ptsd

Parents intentionally trigger me and they get joy from it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccvkb8/parents_intentionally_trigger_me_and_they_get_joy/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-13T21:04:57.000Z

ccuhbb

ptsd

C-PTSD is finally being added to the ICD. This means, doctors will now be learning how to cure/treat it!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccuhbb/cptsd_is_finally_being_added_to_the_icd_this/

[deleted]

I've wondered if maybe the reason I'm so sensitive to being insulted or criticized, no matter how lightly, is because I have a history of being verbally abused. Is this normal?

2019-07-13T20:51:51.000Z

ccubu7

ptsd

Sensitivity to criticism after prolonged verbal abuse

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccubu7/sensitivity_to_criticism_after_prolonged_verbal/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-13T17:24:25.000Z

ccrvfq

ptsd

How to cope...

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccrvfq/how_to_cope/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-13T16:09:56.000Z

ccr0zv

ptsd

What is your best natural supplements or medication you have or did use to help alleviate symptoms?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccr0zv/what_is_your_best_natural_supplements_or/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-13T16:04:18.000Z

ccqyqm

ptsd

Moral development is the way to recover from narc abuse / PTSD. And normally someone gets it through family. But, how do you get it if they hid all the information?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccqyqm/moral_development_is_the_way_to_recover_from_narc/

pheonixkit

Most of the staff at the college i am going to are extremely touchy, and i would hate to lash out at them, does anyone know where i could get a decently priced medium sized hoodie with a zipper that says i have ptsd? If it could have the text on the back that would be amazing

2019-07-13T15:59:58.000Z

ccqwym

ptsd

Does anyone know where i could get a jacket/zipper hoodie that says "Please don't touch me, i have ptsd"?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccqwym/does_anyone_know_where_i_could_get_a_jacketzipper/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-13T15:02:27.000Z

ccqaab

ptsd

Do I have PTSD?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccqaab/do_i_have_ptsd/

sarah_the_intern

While it’s not the original cause for my PTSD, one of my big triggers is drunk driving. Two of my friends (sisters) were killed by a drunk driver 2 years ago and I haven’t been able to move on. I think about them every single day. If I’m so much as sitting in traffic for too long, I have a panic attack because I start thinking there must be a car accident ahead and I’m going to have to see it. I can’t drive on holidays where getting drunk is the norm. Last night I had a first date with someone I met on tinder. We ended up going out with her friends and I had a great time. However, during the uber ride back, I started to mentally absorb how drunk I was and started crying and almost imagined myself as the driver who killed my friends. My date, her friends, and I all ubered home and were safe. I hate having these episodes.

2019-07-13T14:50:56.000Z

ccq5wf

ptsd

I went on a date last night and ended up crying in the uber because I had an episode

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccq5wf/i_went_on_a_date_last_night_and_ended_up_crying/

[deleted]

Last year my ex-boyfriend sexually assaulted me, and there was also some emotional/verbal abuse towards the end of the relationship. Since then, I've been experiencing PTSD symptoms. Sometimes I'll have days or even weeks go by where I'm relatively fine. I might jump if somebody surprises me or if I see a car that reminds me of his (blue cars are probably my biggest trigger), or if I see a rape scene depicted in a movie or TV show I might have a really intense physical reaction, but overall I function quite well. I'm very active, I exercise regularly, and I eat healthy. However, sometimes something will happen to trigger me really bad. Last night, for example, I swear I saw him drive past my workplace and look right at me. I can't be 100% sure if was him, but I like instinctively knew it was him the minute I saw him, and the way I reacted (immediately running away rather than freezing and trying to figure out whether or not it's him) is how I always react whenever I actually see him and not just someone who looks like him. Anyway, I've noticed whenever I have one of these really bad episodes, I'm completely exhausted in the days following. I'm lethargic, I can barely think, and oftentimes I rarely get out of bed. Part of it is mental exhaustion, but it's also physical. I just feel weak and my limbs get incredibly heavy, like I have no strength in my body. Is this something that other people experience? I guess I want to know that I'm just not alone in this.

2019-07-13T13:55:39.000Z

ccpljz

ptsd

Does anyone else get severely exhausted after a particularly bad episode? (TW: sexual assault, emotional abuse)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccpljz/does_anyone_else_get_severely_exhausted_after_a/

iimagine_peace

I have PTSD. Because of this, there are times that I can have some very panicked, unreasonable and irrational reactions to even the smallest of loud or sudden noises. Well, one fateful day as last summer would have it, an unlucky child made an innocent yet impulsive decision to ding dong ditch the wrong apartment. To be fair, the pool had just opened. During which the first few weeks of said opening, my brain processes the constant loud screams of children playing in the water, as screams of terror and impending doom. Obviously already on edge, the loud and unexpected ring from the door bell, sent the very sensitive panic button that resides in my brain, to a level that registered only as “off the charts” on the Richter scale. With an audibly loud heart beat, and blood boiling so rapidly, that I could almost see my skin beginning to bubble, I jumped up and ran to the door. I swung it open upon which I discovered a 6 foot 3 inch 11 year old boy running down the stairs. Being of Hispanic decent, my instinctual reaction, was naturally to grab the nearest chancla, and boomerang that bitch down the stairs at the back of this feral child’s head. Luckily for him, I have 3 children of my own with whom I have daily opportunities to reflect on my instinctual reactions, and am proud to say that although I have had moments where I look down and realize I’m holding a chancla, I have yet to actually throw it. Impressive, right? I took a deep breath, and while repeating the Lord’s Prayer in my mind, I managed to calmly put the chancla down, and began my descent down the stairs. Barefoot and braless, I proceeded to relentlessly hunt this child down, which fortunately for me, was not too difficult due to the freakishly large stature this 11 year old boy. Upon finding him, I pointed my finger up towards the sky near his hairless baby face. I looked up at him and stared dead into his devious little eyes and with a calm, yet stern mom voice said “Don’t you ever ding dong ditch my house again, young man. Understand?” To which he responded with a high pitched & shaky voice, tears in his eyes and a face filled with terror “Yes, Ma’am.” Slightly shocked by the childish voice that escaped this young giants mouth, yet overwhelmed with a sense of pride tinged with subtle hints of guilt, I calmly turned away and began the short journey back to my apartment. By the time I got back home, I had had enough time to reflect upon my reaction. Although a part of me couldn’t help but feel bad for the child who on that day, unknowingly ding dong ditched a person suffering from PTSD, I also couldn’t help but notice the sense of calm that I felt knowing that he would probably never ding dong ditch, again. So, to all that suffer from PTSD, you’re welcome. 1 child down, 9 billion, eight hundred, and fifty three more children to go. If we stand together, we can, and we will, stop ding dong ditchers. Forever. Thanks for reading.

2019-07-13T10:53:17.000Z

cco1ue

ptsd

Doomed ding dong ditcher.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cco1ue/doomed_ding_dong_ditcher/

soberhi5er

Always scared someone is lying to me. Out to get something I have or wants to hurt me. All the time. I'm super scared all the time. IDK what to do.

2019-07-13T08:44:29.000Z

ccn5jj

ptsd

Need support RN

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccn5jj/need_support_rn/

razzelberriez

I had convinced myself while at a party that my ex boyfriend was attending that he had been going around the party showing everyone naked pictures he had of me... I was so upset about it that I overshared this information with some coworkers, in detail... I spoke to a friend of mine that was also at this party about the incident and he told me what I thought happened never actually happened. At work the next day I took a deep ass breath and unveiled my crazy to a coworker. She’s making small remarks like “everyone’s a little crazy, isn’t that right? & gestures toward me...and “people lie to me everyday” while glancing in my direction.. I fear I have ruined my chances of ever fitting in at this job and I’ll have to quit due to being treated like garbage for this. I didn’t lie. I sincerely thought that that was what had happened, and I told her that. I’ve had enough of this paranoia. Not being able to trust anyone due to my trauma has turned me into...well just a really lonely paranoid person. I’m so tired of fighting with myself every day. I’m tired of people treating me like shit for symptoms of illnesses that I never asked for, and I’m tired of falsely accusing people of treating me like crap and not realizing it until it’s waaay too late. This fucking hurts. Help?

2019-07-13T05:45:13.000Z

cclum6

ptsd

Crazy thoughts ruin all relationships...

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cclum6/crazy_thoughts_ruin_all_relationships/

[deleted]

I have what I believe is know as complex-PTSD -- my trauma entails multiple experiences that have occurred over a prolonged period of time. I had started feeling better around a year ago after starting on an antidepressant. For some reason, though, my traumatic memories have been flaring up over the past couple months, and I have no idea why. Overall, my depression has been relatively manageable, so I don't think it's because I've developed a tolerance to the medication. I've been having a tendency to randomly start thinking about past experiences that, although may not have seemed traumatic at the time, make me feel helpless and enraged when I look back on them. I find myself thinking about these seemingly benign experiences just as often as the more notably traumatic ones. I've been lashing out in ways that I never have before -- for example, there have been multiple instances over the past few weeks where I've shouted at my dog because I couldn't stand his barking. At one point, I felt this incredibly strong urge to push him on the ground because I couldn't get him to stop. I didn't, but I sat down with him afterward and just started sobbing because I felt like such a terrible person. I just don't know what to do. This has started to affect my academic performance and I just feel concerned that I'm starting into a downward spiral. I don't feel like telling anyone about this because I sort of feel hopeless at the moment. If anyone has any advice, I'd be very happy to hear it. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

2019-07-13T05:42:27.000Z

cclttu

ptsd

I was doing better for a while, but now I seem to be reverting. I hate living like this.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cclttu/i_was_doing_better_for_a_while_but_now_i_seem_to/

shantifaerie

every once in a while, if i'm lucky, a shot of liquor or sitting in a bath helps alleviate the terrible feeling of being violated i've gotten since i was 9. it feels so real when it's happening all i can do is writhe in the discomfort until it goes away. sometimes it goes on for hours. i'm in the middle of one of the worst episodes i've experienced right now, sitting in the tub isn't helping. nothing's helping. does anyone have a way to make it stop or a little less horrific at least?

2019-07-13T02:39:14.000Z

cck6oa

ptsd

how do i stop the body memories?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cck6oa/how_do_i_stop_the_body_memories/

doloresishere

10 weeks ago I saw my amazing Dad die in front of my eyes alone. It was unexpected. He was at home. He had just come out of the hospital and was meant to be recovering. There was no mention of death being a possibility. However he did die. And I witnessed it. Time seemed to slow and speed all at once. I tried to help him. I wanted to call an ambulance and he refused. I want to get another family member to help and he refused. I saw the light literally go from his eyes. I shook him and screamed. I thought he was joking. It wasn’t a joke. Ever since then I cannot stop thinking about it. My dreams keeping showing me flashes of his face. I will be eating, or out with friends and then the image comes back. It shocks me. It disturbs me actually. What do I do? Will these images ever go?? I can’t seem to remember my dad from before this one moment.

2019-07-13T01:53:50.000Z

ccjr5u

ptsd

I saw my world die in front of me

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccjr5u/i_saw_my_world_die_in_front_of_me/

Harleygryl808

Today was my first day back at work after a 8.5 month absence due to debilitating PTSD symptoms from interaction with an abusive and controlling boss. It was supposed to be an "easy day" which meant checking in and doing the administrative "stuff" for only 2 hours. I have been terrified of this day but as my therapist pointed out, I wouldn't be ok unless I tried and proved to myself what would happen- good or bad. To most, the simple things are taken for granted from getting out of bed, getting ready for work, driving to work, getting out of the car and walking into the building you work in. My boss doesn't understand the terror and anxiety I feel walking toward the building, let alone entering it. I was escorted to a desk where I will sit temporarily away from my team in a fishbowl where there is no privacy and people approach from all angles (back, side, front). Because the cubicle walls are low, there is no privacy. I tried to hold it together and be strong in an effort to show them that they "can't get the best of me" but instead, I couldn't control my crying as I walked into the building, went up the elevator and was shown the place I would sit. I ended up crying the entire 2 hours 1 was there backed into the corner of the 5'x5' cubicle fishbowl. It's a quiet area so people kept walking by to take a peak at the crying person on the corner. It was mortifying. My boss watched me then gave me a "standards and expectations brief" of which I cried through and couldn't make out anything she said. I asked if I could sit somewhere else and was told I have to endure the pain, especially because I am safe there from what they see before they entertain moving my location. I asked how long and they said as long as it takes because they know I am safe and just need me to see it too. I am terrified. I was only there for 2 hours but it felt like 10. I am being forced to live through hell. Is my employer right? Am I forced to sit in an area I don't feel safe and am constantly triggered until I "get over it"? I am feeling trapped...

2019-07-13T01:40:11.000Z

ccjmh4

ptsd

Enduring Pain and Feeling Trapped

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccjmh4/enduring_pain_and_feeling_trapped/

Cantstoptoodangerous

I had a Dr. appointment recently that was 100% not related to my trauma/ptsd (dealing with a ear issue). I had put in my patient history that I have ptsd/anxiety/depression. While going through everything, he noticed the ptsd and started asking me questions about what it was from/ how long had I had it etc. I felt really uncomfortable and tried to play it off (“I don’t remember my trauma hahaha”) because a) my trauma is very fuzzy as I have repressed a lot of it, and b- I really didn’t want to go down that rabbit whole and be worthless for the rest of the day. DAE experience this with Drs? If so, how do you deal with it? It still bothers me a week later... but I’m not sure if I’m being overly sensitive.

2019-07-12T23:42:54.000Z

ccifws

ptsd

Non mental health doctors asking about trauma

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccifws/non_mental_health_doctors_asking_about_trauma/

j_jizzlobber

I thought I might post a little more since I was diagnosed about 7 weeks ago, but I have been working on some things and wanted to relate my experiences so far. I was on Zoloft until Sunday when I switched to Prozac. I saw the psychiatric nurse on Friday and I related to her that I was having certain negative words (Kill and death) popping into my head, usually when I woke up during the night. I was also having a hard time ejaculating during sex, so she prescribed the Prozac. I tapered the Zoloft, taking 1/2 a pill on Friday and Saturday when things took turn for the worse. Without any details I went berserk on an employee at the trampoline park my son goes to and nearly got myself thrown out. My wife is an amazing person and she helped me have a great evening despite me kicking myself for hours after. I didn’t feel like the Prozac was working after 3 doses so I contacted my nurse practitioner and asked me to evaluate my symptoms. I wasn’t terrible, still much better than when I first started meds. We agreed that continuing the Prozac and keeping a close eye on my symptoms was the right thing. I am a medical cannabis patient for several back issues and have had chronic pain for several years. With all the rain we’ve gotten lately, my back has been a mess so I hit the shatter (82+% THC) very hard last night. Then things went downhill faster than I ever imagined. I got up from lying in bed watching TV and I was restless, I noticed my hands were clenched and my thumb was twitching. Then I started feeling the anxiety, so I laid back down and got under the covers. I looked up at the ceiling and realized it was coming down on me. I asked my wife if it was coming down and she got concerned, asking me what was wrong. I told her what was happening and she wanted to call 911. I said no because I knew the once the THC started wearing off I would be ok. Then things got even worse. I could no longer have any part of my body outside the covers and ended up with just my eyes peeking over. I had my hands over each side of my head and I wanted to scream very loud. I was absolutely sure I was going to die any minute and told my wife. She was getting alarmed and again wanted to call 911. I again talked her out of it and just asked her to hold me which she did and I felt a little better. I eventually was so exhausted I fell asleep and woke up fine this morning. To cut this long story short, from now on I will keep a very close watch on my cannabis consumption now that I am medication for depression and PTSD. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

2019-07-12T23:32:54.000Z

ccic31

ptsd

7 weeks in

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccic31/7_weeks_in/

[deleted]

The hearing was today. I didn't go but the victims services advocate I've been talking to emailed me about it. I didn't end up writing an impact statement. I tried but it was too triggering so I let the advocate know that and she asked for my permission to tell the parole board that I was too triggered to write an impact statement because that alone gives an idea of the impact. So I told her to tell them and that I also thought they should know that I've been diagnosed with PTSD and I'm in therapy and on antidepressants and anxiety medication and medical marijuana for it. The email said: "The reasons for the denial are: nature and circumstances of the offense, injury and impact to the victim’s and inadequate institutional program participation." I replied to ask her when he'd be up for parole again and she said: "He won’t be.  The board denied him with no chance for a re-hear.  There are other means of release thru the department of corrections, please be sure to keep your registration current so that if he applies you will be notified." I'm so relieved. And he didn't even get to leave prison to go to the courthouse. They did a video conference from the prison. And no one showed up in support of him or even to do an impact statement. No one he knew cares about him anymore. There's no one who wants him released. He has nothing and no one and I'm glad. Even if he does get out, there's at least 7 men in my family who own guns and want to shoot him and he's well aware of that so he'd probably stay away. I found out recently that when he was first questioned after I reported the abuse, he asked the police to protect him from my father. He's a pathetic bastard.

2019-07-12T22:56:54.000Z

cchxuv

ptsd

The person who sexually abused me was denied parole with no chance for another hearing!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cchxuv/the_person_who_sexually_abused_me_was_denied/

kiti_849

little background of my situation My family sucks i don't wanna be with them i dont wanna meet them. I have been bullied alot. I have been raped and i have been in 2 bad relationships. Im currectly in good healty relationship with 2 cats and its dream come true but i cant shake my past off and future does seem nice with this person but i still struggle to want keep living. I have bad case of sosial anxiety and depression on top of that why you might ask cuz things i have had to go throught i really cant stand crowds im afraid of being in malls or events even group of ppl larger than 20 ppl gives me trouple. So earlier i was talking with the bf how i think i have ptsd cuz of my panic attacs and getting selfharming state of mind in situations like this and how i dont think i would have survived without my cat who is now 3-4 years old cuz i would have given up on life if it wasnt for him and im gonna soon see a special doc about going to therapy regularly and i dont know how to ask them that id like a paper that proves my condition so i could possibly have support animal for me any thoughts?

2019-07-12T22:31:21.000Z

cchnks

ptsd

Do not read this if you are not ok with rape and violence

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cchnks/do_not_read_this_if_you_are_not_ok_with_rape_and/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T21:20:41.000Z

ccgtug

ptsd

My roommate is getting fed up with my heightened startle response

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccgtug/my_roommate_is_getting_fed_up_with_my_heightened/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T19:33:31.000Z

ccfi0i

ptsd

Realizing the full extent of how much my family fucked me over (vent)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccfi0i/realizing_the_full_extent_of_how_much_my_family/

ItsActuallyKate

[BACKGROUND] Last year my apartment was hit by a tornado, I was home alone at the time so I felt it. The apartment above mine was completely destroyed and many other parts of the building too (my apartment and myself were both okay) Everyone in the building went down to the lobby and we waited there for 40 minutes before emergency services came to tell us what to do. The entire time I was in the lobby there were sirens blaring and I had no idea what happened as tornados are extremely rare in my area. When we finally left the building, everything outside was destroyed and there was a building on fire nearby. [ACTUAL QUESTION] Yesterday there was another big storm and there was a tornado warning (I was home alone again) and I genuinely thought i was going to die. I had a bag packed and my shoes on while I sat in a corner crying for an hour until the storm passed. Today I'm still extremely anxious and jumpy at ever sound I hear. Is this mild ptsd or am I just being dramatic as heck?

2019-07-12T18:25:06.000Z

ccem8r

ptsd

Do I have ptsd or am I just being dramatic?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccem8r/do_i_have_ptsd_or_am_i_just_being_dramatic/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T17:52:03.000Z

cce6hp

ptsd

All I can think is that I shouldn't have the right to feel this way because so many people's experiences were so much worse

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cce6hp/all_i_can_think_is_that_i_shouldnt_have_the_right/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T17:08:10.000Z

ccdlhn

ptsd

How do I know if I was sexually assaulted by another woman? I can't remember i and what if it was innocent

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccdlhn/how_do_i_know_if_i_was_sexually_assaulted_by/

AdditionalCondition

I get a lot of flashbacks. My parents are extremely unsupportive and make fun of me even they caused some of my trauma. I was raped as well and it constantly makes me feel worthless and like trash. Im in a waiting list for CBT therapy and medicine. But I do struggle a lot with loneliness. My friends just stopped talking to me. All of them. Does anyone have any experience with this? Edit: I also struggle with getting a job because I'm always afraid I'll see my rapist in my city. My only support system is my boyfriend of two years who lives in another state.

2019-07-12T15:40:59.000Z

cccgs1

ptsd

I lost all my friends and feel worthless all the time from my trauma, and I live in the same house with the same people who caused it. Any tips?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cccgs1/i_lost_all_my_friends_and_feel_worthless_all_the/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T14:17:51.000Z

ccbfc0

ptsd

I'm starting to feel different than everyone, like I'm broken. I also feel so transparent and fragile, like everyone can see and exactly pinpoint my weaknesses.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccbfc0/im_starting_to_feel_different_than_everyone_like/

[deleted]

So what happened to me was when I was a kid maybe 3 or 4. I kept it to myself for almost 12 years because I didn't want to think or talk about it. I ended up leaving some longtime friends because I started feeling uncomfortable for some reason. Maybe because of this "secret" I had and no one I could talk to that would understand? I don't really know. Well, last night I was feeling horrible and decided to message one of them and told him that I really needed a friend at that moment. He read the message and never replied. I'm trying not to take it personally but it really hurts. :'(

2019-07-12T12:47:47.000Z

ccaew4

ptsd

Did anyone else lose friends because of what happened to them?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccaew4/did_anyone_else_lose_friends_because_of_what/

[deleted]

Mine literally make jokes about how they will take me to see veterans to see what real ptsd looks like and when I am feeling down they act like I'm crazy and belong in a mental hospital. It's really weird.

2019-07-12T12:44:04.000Z

ccadhn

ptsd

Is anyone else's family unsupportive?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ccadhn/is_anyone_elses_family_unsupportive/

up-white-gold

I have ptsd mostly from childhood trauma. Is it ok to be avoid. A friend asked me why I didn’t want to stay in my childhood home when no one lived there for the summer because rent/utilities would be free. I just want to avoid going there. I try to keep contact with my mom to a minimum and avoid my grandmother at all costs. There’s a difference between it being ok for mental health avoidance and what really is healthy habits.

2019-07-12T11:46:06.000Z

cc9t7v

ptsd

Avoidance

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc9t7v/avoidance/

e_milyr

Yesterday I ran into some unexpected triggers while at work, which caused the rest of the day to crash and burn. Last night, I had more awful nightmares (used to have them every night, but now they’re coming 1-2 times a week). What do you guys do to combat nightmares and help you calm down after you’ve been triggered??

2019-07-12T11:33:35.000Z

cc9oyw

ptsd

Sick of having nightmares

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc9oyw/sick_of_having_nightmares/

medicff

So I did extensive work on one of my traumas, the main part was what we worked on. It’s gotten to the “main” part has become rather boring to me. Not near the flashbacks and all that. But I’ve ran into another possible issue that I’m not sure if it’s related or not. Part of my initial traumatic scene was controlling traffic after coming up on the scene for what felt like three hours and just the intense feelings of anger at all the assholes on the highway. Recently I was doing the same job on the same highway and I did something incredibly wreckless and dangerous. It all felt the same and I felt like I was right back to that exact same scene. Would this be kinda like another possible trigger point for my issues? In all the work I’ve done with the many shrinks, we just kinda glossed over all that part.

2019-07-12T10:19:48.000Z

cc924l

ptsd

Question about trauma

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc924l/question_about_trauma/

[deleted]

In hindsight, it wasn’t so bad. It was a lot of movement and I was in sheer panic, thinking it would suddenly turn for the worst or something. I broke down afterwards and sobbed into my pillow while my partner tried to comfort me. Everyone else thought it was cool and exciting. I just wish I could share that mindset with them again. It probably must have been fun if it didn’t remind me of the bus accident. Now I feel like I can’t trust anything to be minor or to turn out okay.

2019-07-12T10:14:41.000Z

cc90kx

ptsd

Just had a 4.7 Magnitude earthquake and had a panic attack

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc90kx/just_had_a_47_magnitude_earthquake_and_had_a/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T07:32:23.000Z

cc7qym

ptsd

I got diagnosed yesterday

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc7qym/i_got_diagnosed_yesterday/

AbsurdPigment

Today was rough and got me thinking about shitty unexpected triggers &#x200B; (The one that got me was a customer had pointy ears. Also, just want to rant, my mom was listening to the news this morning where they loudly talked about SA and R. And an customer told my today that I "am a very attractive woman." This was especially rough bc one abuser said, "I am very attracted to you, AbsurdPigment," right before abusing me. Rough.) So many songs on my Spotify I can no longer listen to. Because I listened to them around the time/my abusers have similar interest. Eggplant, cherries, anime, D&D, caterpillars, BOTW, Diablo, OUR BLUE PLANET, dolphins, turtles, blood, down syndrome, nighttime, my best friend, Final Fantasy, beakers and lab equipment, certain weed pens, SHOWERS, certain lighting, suicide memes, music producers, the moon directly over a building, math, Russian and so much more. &#x200B; And a lot of this has some bizarre ass reasons for being on this list. Connecting dots isn't recommended. Too much. Like what the hell. I never expected this for some shit. I can't prepare. But I smothered the ear thing, which REALLY set me off, but telling myself, " I don't need this. I don't need to do this." So that kinda helped. But yeah. Feel free to share your weird triggers that piss you off. &#x200B; Have a peaceful night if you can. Get through it. &#x200B; Edit: You bet your snap crackle ass pop I'm high. What, you think I got through this sober the entire day?? Pfffsh. Fugget aabout et.

2019-07-12T05:39:15.000Z

cc6rug

ptsd

Tired of unexpected triggers

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc6rug/tired_of_unexpected_triggers/

ashtonftm

*TW: mention of the words sexual assault, abuse, abusive, but no specifics have been said* In my last semester of high school, my therapist was required to report my sexual assault & abusive relationship of my first abusive boyfriend to CPS. They gave the case to the local PD, who then handed it to the police officers based specifically in the school district. I remember so clearly how the policewoman I met was so nice, understanding, open, & she expressed active listening when I said I didn’t know if I should press charges or not. I know I wouldn’t have been able to. I know that. I know that I had waited too long to tell anyone & all that I wouldn’t be able to press charges based on witness testimonies. But she promised me that I would get “justice” & that she would talk to my friends about it all. We never heard from her again. I tried to contact her. I tried to get her to come back. I tried to see her again. I tried everything I could to be able to just get some foothold on what was going on. But to no avail. I already have PTSD from my sexual assault & the abusive relationships I had consistently afterwards (& during). But this woman... she unknowingly smudged my pain back in my face. I felt so insignificant & now I’m just another number in a statistic. I can’t tell the police anything, because what are they going to do? Lie to me that everything’s okay when they won’t actually get me my “justice”? I just associate police officers with the pain of everything I went through now with the conditioning of my prior abandonment issues being connected with her... abandoning me. This is more of a vent than anything & I don’t know what I’m going to get out of posting this. EDIT: I just recently graduated high school this past May (technically June 1st), so this was wasn’t even half a year ago. Hearing support from others who have bravely worked past, through, or are even working through any issues currently gives me hope that I can start university life this August with a newfound perspective of perseverance & of what I deserve. Don’t stop fighting. Thank you for helping me, adultier adults! It means more than I could ever communicate through a keyboard. :)

2019-07-12T05:28:36.000Z

cc6oev

ptsd

I can’t trust police officers anymore.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc6oev/i_cant_trust_police_officers_anymore/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T03:15:20.000Z

cc5fh4

ptsd

Child sexual abuse. Just got triggered yesterday. I don’t know what to do.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc5fh4/child_sexual_abuse_just_got_triggered_yesterday_i/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-12T00:45:03.000Z

cc3vh1

ptsd

This is really bugging me. How was I rendered unconscious?TW?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc3vh1/this_is_really_bugging_me_how_was_i_rendered/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-11T21:19:32.000Z

cc1hyt

ptsd

NSFW (TW) i’m only 16 - this shouldn’t be my life (TL;DR at the end) NSFW (TW)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc1hyt/nsfw_tw_im_only_16_this_shouldnt_be_my_life_tldr/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-11T20:43:54.000Z

cc11q6

ptsd

(TW, mention of SA) A little rant

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cc11q6/tw_mention_of_sa_a_little_rant/

IHavewaytoomanyaccou

Does anyone else feel like their PTSD amplifies their anger way beyond whats normal or acceptable? I always find myself losing my shit after 1 or 2 things go wrong and its so infuriating. No matter how hard I try to keep calm over literally anything i cant. And if i keep getting angrier i get a full blown panic attack, i had one the other day from losing too much in a damn game. My therapist told me its cuz since ive been a kid ive always lived in "Soldier mode" and thats just how i had to survive. Now...im past that, my life has kind of calmed down and being in this "soldier mode" just makes everything harder in my day to day to life. But ive been stuck in it since i was 10 and im almost 30 now and its such a struggle, ive been in and out of therapy and am currently out rn. I need people who struggle with the inability to stay calm to talk to, and im 1000% certain of it being cuz of my ptsd since ptsd fucks with the connectors in your brain and makes you jump to strong emotions way too fast. edit: forgot a word.

2019-07-11T18:28:55.000Z

cbzaag

ptsd

Struggling a bit

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cbzaag/struggling_a_bit/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-07-11T17:08:36.000Z

cby7v1

ptsd

Word of advice (explicit advice)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cby7v1/word_of_advice_explicit_advice/

wastedkittycat

3 years...it seems like they go in spurts. I've had a few weeks without the nightmares, then weeks with them occurring almost nightly. I'm in therapy. I've tried minipress. What else can I do?

2019-07-11T16:38:03.000Z

cbxtp8

ptsd

different dreams with the same themes

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cbxtp8/different_dreams_with_the_same_themes/

TentacleEgg

When I was young my aunt always made me feel like pray, and would do anything to make me scared of her, and to harm me. I was around 5, and she was 12 or 13. She showed me pornography at a really young age too, despite my crying and hiding, and told me not to tell anyone, otherwise my family will disown me. A few months back, all the memories started coming back to me, and I remembered what she did. I told my grandmother, and my mother about it. Turns out she completely forgot about it, and was now extremely apologetic, which I'm sure is sincere, but I still don't have any trust for her. Apparently she started crying when my gran told her off and told her what she had heard for me. She said she'd make up for it, but I doubt anything she'll do would ever make up for her basically taking my entire childhood away. She's now an adult, and I'm 15. Is this normal to feel? Her apology seemed sincere, and both of my parents seem fine with me going over for a holiday to where she lives. We live in a different country, and I'm going to have to be in the same house as her. I'm still worried that her apology was fake, and she'll hurt me because I told someone. My GP said I show clear signs of PTSD and trauma, so I thought I'd share here.

2019-07-11T16:10:19.000Z

cbxgse

ptsd

TW: Abuse, Non-contact Sexual Abuse. My abuser apologised, but I don't trust them.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cbxgse/tw_abuse_noncontact_sexual_abuse_my_abuser/

[deleted]

So, because at the time I sought medical help depression was a way bigger problem and I had to do something about it because it affected my daily life, my doctor never actually talked to me about the ptsd-side of my mental issues - I paid her for making me able to work, and she did just that (for which I'm very grateful) Plus I kinda sensed that she felt uncomfortable talking about my past since we share same ethnic background. It worked, I had several amazing months of feeling confident, safe and if not happy, calm. Recently events occurred that made my ptsd sky rocket. And what I understood was - my flashbacks are not what people describe. Its not like I'm magically teleported there and reality doesn't exist. Its like... both exist? It feels that no matter how hard I try to escape triggering things, I'm still half THERE, if it makes any sense. These triggering things are inside of me and it makes me want to just give up. I can still do many regular things (like writing this post) and BE THERE, at whose moments, mentally. Like the overall feeling of what I've gone through will never leave me. Some things keep me distracted, but its not enough. Sometimes smallest thing trigger the wave of memories - but still, they are memories. They dont let me go, I cant think of anything else, but still, I never feel PHYSICALLY THERE. Its really tiring since now I basically have to live in circumstances that constantly remind me of my past and it makes me feel so emotionally drained, I can basically feel that my depression is coming back and that makes me feel even worse since I did such a colossal job to fight it and was very proud of myself but now I feel worthless and unimportant again. I'm just lost. This feels so different now when I remember how it feels to be normal. Somewhat happy and safe. It honestly scares me more than it did back then I wasn't getting medical help. Maybe somebody has heard of something similar or knows where to start with this. I don't want to go back to that state but it feels like I have no choice.

2019-07-11T15:30:34.000Z

cbwyez

ptsd

I'm questioning whether my flashbacks really are flashbacks

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cbwyez/im_questioning_whether_my_flashbacks_really_are/