Datasets:

quocanh34

/

mental_health_dataset_1

like 5

[deleted]

I keep having night terrors that usually leave me sleepless, it replays the event in my mind and sometimes amplifies the events or plays different outcomes. The event was my best friend almost dying infront of my eyes. He slit through the artery in his wrist (not purposely, freak accident) and blood was spurting everywhere, i tied a hoodie around his arm as a tourniquet and ran to a new mercedes van thinking that most new cars have first aid kits which it did and i told my other best friend to keep pressure on his wound and carried him to the first aid kit, and then phoned an ambulance. My brain keeps giving me flashbacks of it, all the blood, the screaming, the crying, just all of it, and i keep having nightmares about the event itself and it amplified, like him dying or us not making it to the first aid kit in time or the first aid kit not being there etc. Just the image of him lying in a puddle of his own blood is something that keeps randomly popping up in my head like whenever i am near the area or when i see him (he is recovering). Sorry for the vent but I just woke from one and needed an outlet, but does anyone have any help for me? like how can i try to manage this? thank you💙

2019-08-07T02:51:46.000Z

cn06zz

ptsd

How do I stop having recurring nightmares about a traumatic event?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cn06zz/how_do_i_stop_having_recurring_nightmares_about_a/

ThrowAwayTrashMan90

[removed]

2019-08-07T02:08:15.000Z

cmzqtl

ptsd

Hate Being Touched - Interfering with Potential Relationships

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmzqtl/hate_being_touched_interfering_with_potential/

IloveReddit_omg

I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since May of 2019 but have been suffering since February 2018. I’ve had a hard time dealing with my parents through this ordeal because they are super conservative and religious and believe I’m not praying hard enough, believe hard enough, etc., y’all know how religious people are with mental health. After struggling for the past few months and not being able to confide in them I found out the weekly meeting they’ve been going to for the last month has been to a therapist of their own to find out how to help me. I broke down crying at work. I can’t believe they’re paying someone to help them help me and going weekly to help me. I finally feel like I can open up and have them help me and be there for me when I have a panic attack or feel overwhelmed/stressed. I know not everyone’s parents are as helpful but I’m feeling extremely blessed and hopeful for once.

2019-08-07T01:52:10.000Z

cmzkhv

ptsd

Positive Light

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmzkhv/positive_light/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-07T01:49:23.000Z

cmzjg1

ptsd

my dad has ptsd that he won’t treat and i don’t know if i want a relationship with him anymore.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmzjg1/my_dad_has_ptsd_that_he_wont_treat_and_i_dont/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-07T01:10:14.000Z

cmz3zf

ptsd

Just need a "Hi"

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmz3zf/just_need_a_hi/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-07T00:18:27.000Z

cmyjo0

ptsd

I was sexually assaulted last week (TW)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmyjo0/i_was_sexually_assaulted_last_week_tw/

bbbybrggs

Stuck at work for another three hours and all I want to do is go home and cry. Everything feels hopeless. I’ve been ruined by trauma and no matter how good the circumstances of my life get I will always be haunted by what I’ve seen, and I ruin anyone who I tell about it. I can’t exist in this world being sex repulsed and traumatized. I want to sleep and wake up as someone else.

2019-08-06T22:45:14.000Z

cmxe4a

ptsd

Feeling hopeless and exhausted

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmxe4a/feeling_hopeless_and_exhausted/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T22:39:33.000Z

cmxbly

ptsd

Therapist told me I sound like my abuser and now I'm having bad urges to self harm

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmxbly/therapist_told_me_i_sound_like_my_abuser_and_now/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T20:43:24.000Z

cmvx74

ptsd

How do I help my SO understand my PTSD?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmvx74/how_do_i_help_my_so_understand_my_ptsd/

sneakergeek895

* I've enrolled in a clinical study to see whether a certain drug can alleviate symptoms of PTSD. This clinical trial, while exciting and may help myself and others, is taking up so much time and is causing me to have to ask my employer for a lot of time off--which so far, they've been incredibly understanding about. * I'm going to up to my home state this week for four days with my partner (27M). My family is abusive. My partner will be meeting my father (a historically abusive alcoholic who just told me last week he lost his job again and is potentially suicidal) and my sister (an alcoholic and drug addict who has ripped apart our family and has a three-year-old son that I constantly worry about). We will be staying with my mother (a historically abusive narcissist) and my stepfather (who enables my mother and acts like everything is okay). * I don't know what I believe in anymore. Frankly, I'm beginning to think there is nothing after this world and nothing matters and why the heck are we even here is this all coincidence and if it is do I really actually want to be here? Not really, no. * Adding to the above, I attempted to reach out to two different churches last week. One was closed because they friggin rented out the space to a production crew for a film. The other said they couldn't allow anyone into the church during weekdays for security reasons. Kind of felt like being rejected from my (former?) faith. * I may have an infection for yet the third time in the past two and a half months, which means going to the doctor (again) and spending more money that I don't have. Also why do I keep getting infections for god's sake?????? * I'm in debt because of school and a move into the city I made back in April to get out of a really awful living situation, which makes spending money (like for the doctor's) even more stressful. * I've agreed to an interview tomorrow with another company without fully thinking it through and frankly I don't want to leave my current job. I guess I just kind of... panicked and said yes? Because the recruiter reached out to me and I'm not used to actively being headhunted? * I keep having panic attacks. * I keep starting fights with my partner, and I'm not trying to. * I can't rely on my family for any sort of support (see above). * I have no friends in the immediate vicinity because they've all moved to other areas of the country for work and post-grad studies. * My symptoms are becoming worse by the day, and I don't know why because I've been in therapy for the past nine months. * I see very little purpose in my life or in the world (and I hate it when people suggest to "just create your own purpose!" like thanks Vanessa but we're not all med students taking a summer off to go help starving children in another country). * I can't stop crying. * I frankly have no desire to live. * The thought of dying makes me feel incredibly guilty.

2019-08-06T20:34:37.000Z

cmvtks

ptsd

I'm (23F) having a crisis.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmvtks/im_23f_having_a_crisis/

LaurenLemonSmith

Does anyone else here suffer from false memories? sometimes something completely uneventful will happen but i will be so convinced a different thing happened. Does anyone else have this?

2019-08-06T19:28:59.000Z

cmv5fx

ptsd

False Memories

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmv5fx/false_memories/

agirlhasnoname17

What is people’s experience with Viibrud? My insurance barely covers it (the co-pay is over $100), so I’d like to know if you folks actually find it really helpful.

2019-08-06T17:05:09.000Z

cmt9oq

ptsd

Antidepressant question

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmt9oq/antidepressant_question/

keeprollingrolling

I want to preface this by saying I have a cPTSD diagnosis already. Sorry for the long read but I just need to get this out somewhere, anywhere. I dont expect anyone to read but if you do be warned as there may be some triggers. ------------------------------ In May I got harassed and assaulted attempting to use a public washroom. I wrote down what happened right after it happened and even took their pictures before I ran away. I couldnt get video because it happened too fast. I went to report it to police an hour after it happened when I felt safe to do so. But it took them five days before they came to take my report. I made a public FB post reaching out to people asking if anyone knows who they are. I ended up with their full names which I gave to Police. They weren't happy I was 'playing detective' (dudes it took them over 5 days to even take my report so while I was waiting I thought it would be good to get as much info as possible? guess not). It took them over 2 weeks to find out the surveillance evidence didn't exist- despite their being cameras in the area (they were on but not recording). Security in the area saw the fight break out. When it was happening I looked to him for help but he just watched. **I remember that part like it was yesterday because of how helpless I felt.** After the fight I went up to security and asked for their name, security license and number. They refused to show their license (illegal) and kept saying they didnt want to get involved. And ofcourse no surprise, two weeks later when the police asked them for a witness statement they lied and said they didn't see anything until both parties started to talk to each other. The only time there was talking was before the fight broke when I asked the woman why she felt the need to yell as loud as possible at me saying I dont belong in the washroom (i didnt want to confront inside the washrooms where there are no cameras) before her boyfriend started wailing on me. It took three weeks before the man who assaulted me got charged... only a week later for them to be dropped. Apparently because there is no video proof of what happened and its now 'he said/they said", despite the fact that he broke my hand again (my hand just came out of a cast a month earlier) but xray shows no break which doesnt mean its not broken so I am waiting for an MRI (its been two months and my hand hurts to use and its my dominant hand which sucks even more) because I can barely hold my phone in my hand. I know why the charges got dropped. It's not because it suddenly became "he said they said". The guy already has a record for violence and theft and is known to police. **I cant prove it but I am sure the charges got dropped because I have a mental illness.** Having a mental illness means you aren't reliable, possibly prone to violence yourself (instigators), lie and/or make shit up, attention seeking, not trustworthy, etc. I am also disabled and can only work PT. I am on disability because I also have chronic pain. What's even worse is that my city is literally being over run by fascists- city hall is even hiding one of the most well known Canadian fascists is being shielded by City Hall, and they let white supremacists 'protest' city hall every weekend- making it unsafe for anyone (who aren't white or non-Canadians) to enjoy their weekend in the area as many people like going to city hall because there is a park and lots of grass, trees, and public benches. The PRIDE painted crosswalk is covered in burned rubber as people vandalize it because "my tax dollar shouldn't go into identity politics". Instead of arresting the protestors who disrupted a peaceful PRIDE celebration this year, only one of them gets arrested and 4 PRIDE goers get arrested for protecting the women and children they went after because police took over 20 minutes to respond because they were so butthurt over not having a recruitment booth at PRIDE. I live right by city hall, its on my block. Everyday I see signs saying how I don't belong, I need to "kys" (kill yourself), LGBTQ people are ruining everything, blah blah blah. They "thank" City Hall, councillors, the Mayor for their inaction. The City is complicit in this. They have stayed silent. They haven't condemned the violence imposed by these groups. All the Mayor had to say was the exact same regurgitated rhetoric that he said last year, word for fucking word. "Hate will not be tolerated" while allowing these people to wield signs saying I know this sounds crazy but since I have barely left my apartment. When I do, something *always* happens. I feel like Im cursed. Like I am the light that attracts these assholes moths to me. Here are some examples: Im waiting at the bus stop minding my own business sitting on a bench. A group of guys are walking side by side each other are about to pass by, and one of them leave the group to come to me to flick a lighter in my face- try to set my hair on fire? It was a close call. Another example: I skateboard. I was going through an empty parking lot. This group of guys show up- two walking and one on a bike. They are walking together. The dude on the bike decides he wants to play chicken with me. I try to move out of the way multiple times but there is only so much you can pivot on a board unlike on a bike. He finally reaches me and stops me physically and says "I'm not trying to play chicken with an ugly dyke HURR DURR LOLZ you should watch yourself" and luckily he and his friends walk away thinking they are Jim Carrey or something. I want to start living my life again. But its kind of hard when its constantly reinforced that I am not trustworthy, I dont matter, I dont belong, am not wanted, I get bullied every time I try to live my life. I know I shouldnt care what they think. But its not easy. It didnt get easier for me. For weeks I have been contemplating suicide. Even before I got attacked. I wasnt in a good place before that and it continues to snowball (hmmm snow... its so hot lately lol) I recently fired my therapist and a new psychiatrist after my old one left. My old one was the one who I made the greatest strides with but she went private. My new psychiatrist doesn't have more than 10 minutes to talk about symptoms let alone issues and is pill happy. My therapist didnt advocate for me and made things worse. I have bipolar and PTSD. being mentally ill makes you un-trustworthy and unbelievable. Why bother? I find it ironic I'm not good enough to even report abuses against me. Yet if they get wind I'm gonna kill myself they will do everything in their power to stop that from happening. Why? Just let me fucking die. Nobody wants people like me around. What the point if I'm not even considered human enough to be given the benefit of the doubt? Whats the point if people are allowed to abuse me everyday under the guise of 'freedom of speech'? I cant protect myself from their words or their physical advancements. Why should I stick around for this treatment? Whats the icing on the cake if before firing my new doctor and therapist- I was asking for help. I tried so hard to reach out. I was more than open about my symptoms, they were getting worse. But my therapist just kept saying "you need to eventually face your fears regardless". Bitch I face it everyday I walk out the fucking door. Do YOU have to worry about getting attacked JUST for how you look? Do YOU have to face slurs walking the sidewalks of your neighbourhood? Do YOUR neighbours think your a freak? "You don't know that" Bitch yes I do your a blonde, white female with blue fucking eyes. No white supremacist asshole is going after you unless its to make babies. You didnt understand why the charges could possible be dropped- why I would be seen as a untrustworthy attention seeker by police. Fuck this shit. Life is bullshit. So Until next time. SYOTOS.

2019-08-06T15:23:03.000Z

cmryfe

ptsd

I dunno where to post this; I need this off my chest

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmryfe/i_dunno_where_to_post_this_i_need_this_off_my/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T14:52:36.000Z

cmrkom

ptsd

i broke the silence

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmrkom/i_broke_the_silence/

gc--161

Hello Guys and Gals, I'm starting a new podcast and am looking to reach out and talk to people with all sort of stories from different walks of life. If someone is willing to share his/her story with me anonymously I would really appreciate it. Please contact me.

2019-08-06T14:10:17.000Z

cmr2dc

ptsd

talking to people

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmr2dc/talking_to_people/

LuciferreWolf

I recently got a right diagnosis. Before that I had migraine and autoimmune disease. Since I started treating myself with the right diagnosis my headaches have greatly diminished. I still am in pain every day, but I haven't had a bad migraine episode since I started treatment. Which is amazing. But.... Trigger warning Today I am experiencing so much episodes, it's just overwhelming. I am happy that my physical symptoms have diminished, so that's a win. I am also in a save space now, so it's safe to have them. But still. Every twenty minutes or so I go into complete dissociation. Meaning, I start remembering a dream I had for some minutes/seconds and I forget everything else. It's like a free fall. It's so exhausting. The dream was not a good one. I feel also completely terrified that I lose memory. I remember the dream but just for those seconds/minutes and fragments of it and when I come back, my mind is blank. I really need someone to talk to now. I would appreciate support greatly

2019-08-06T13:31:19.000Z

cmqm7b

ptsd

Some support needed

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmqm7b/some_support_needed/

TA314322

I've struggled with PTSD for 13 years now. At the end of last year, at the urging of a psychiatrist who actually took a few minutes to give a damn, I filed a claim with Veterans Affairs for disability for it. Though it's not service induced, I was in the service when my trauma occurred, as was my abuser, and the military not only allowed it to happen, but victim shamed me when I finally came forward (after about a year of abuse). Abuser went on to have three other women bring military charges against him for abuse before he was discharged, and the military did the same for every case - victim shame the women, and fiercely protect the abuser. The last eight months have been absolute hell. Having to relive everything I've worked 13 years to forget or at least numb myself to. Digging up all this old baggage to fill out the ever increasing forms they send, being sent to a complete stranger to answer a barrage of uncomfortable questions, being mentally and emotionally poked and prodded from all sides. I even have a form now I've had for a month that I just can't bring myself to finish, despite it literally being a list of doctors I've seen and what time frames I saw them. Yesterday I got a letter from the VA. They've rated my disability, and I will now get monthly compensation for the rest of my life. I can't help but feel like it's stupid, but I also feel... Vindicated? Money isn't going to solve my problems, it's not going to make the thoughts and feelings and memories go away. It's not going to make the struggle of staying alive any easier. But, for some reason just having someone say the equivalent of" Yea, that's not right" and take some freaking responsibility for it just makes me feel like maybe I'm not this big fuck up I always feel like I am. I feel legitimized. Vindicated for everything I've had to endure. And I can't help but feel petty and stupid for feeling that way.

2019-08-06T13:26:41.000Z

cmqki6

ptsd

Not sure how to feel

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmqki6/not_sure_how_to_feel/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T13:25:14.000Z

cmqjwu

ptsd

When a person becomes a trigger

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmqjwu/when_a_person_becomes_a_trigger/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T13:05:16.000Z

cmqbwq

ptsd

I feel like my Trauma got worse when I grew up after I was free.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmqbwq/i_feel_like_my_trauma_got_worse_when_i_grew_up/

Mementolambo

Hi all, So for almost 2 months I have been in a relationship with a wonderful and amazing girl and we both love each other. However, whenever there goes a day or more by without us seeing each other she tends to get really depressed. Also she used to mention she is afraid of me leaving her, which I haven't heard her saying anymore lately since I comforted her, however I do believe this is what is still thinks deep inside.. She cries a lot, how can I help my girl out?.. how can I be the man that I know I am I am always telling her that I got her back, and nothing will come in between us..

2019-08-06T11:26:03.000Z

cmpcif

ptsd

My GF with PTSD is struggling and has commitment issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmpcif/my_gf_with_ptsd_is_struggling_and_has_commitment/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T10:51:59.000Z

cmp1on

ptsd

Six-hour lasting flashback

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmp1on/sixhour_lasting_flashback/

gayestpan

it’s 5:30 in the morning. i haven’t been able to sleep because i keep remembering things i don’t wanna remember. god, such little, stupid things set me off. i’m my family’s disappointment. my ‘trauma’ is so fucking pathetic, compared to what i’ve read about, on here. i just feel like i’m taking up space for people who really need it.

2019-08-06T09:32:11.000Z

cmoeuh

ptsd

a rough night?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmoeuh/a_rough_night/

toxicteacup_

When I first got diagnosed with PTSD I had a lot of "inflammatory" symptoms like panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, etc. I felt the PTSD every minute of the day. I managed to get through all of that no longer have those issues, but now I'm dealing with emotional flatness. I KNOW things mentally, but don't feel them. I have no desire to lie-- but if I had to, I'd look you in the eye and feel no guilt. I act respectful but I generally have no respect for authority. Empathy is something I do feel, but that's kind of the only soft emotion left. I recently began dating again, and this is messing me up badly. I met someone who is very eager to move forward with me, and I cannot even gauge how I feel. I have to rely upon thoughts, not feelings, to figure out what's going on, and in relationships that doesn't always work. A while back I visited one of my exes I am on good terms with, and when I saw him I knew mentally I loved him but couldn't feel it. He cuddled me and I was so self conscious. I genuinely wanted to cuddle him-- but when I did, I felt like I was acting, and that made me feel like a monster. I'm not really sure what to do. I've been through a lot of therapy and I understand myself very well. I know what to do when my mood dips and I've made a lot of positive changes to my life. But I almost feel like all that I have learned has just made me a better manipulator. I don't try to manipulate, but I don't know what else to call it when I am literally instructing myself on how to react to normal situations.

2019-08-06T09:19:53.000Z

cmobf0

ptsd

I feel like a sociopath

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmobf0/i_feel_like_a_sociopath/

affectionate4fish

Hello! So my PTSD stems from a single traumatic event that happened when I was young involving the suicide of my father (there's more to it) Apparently a side effect of that is that whenever someone close to me has a risk on their life, I don't take it very well. In February, my longterm boyfriend needed to be rushed to the hospital for sudden abdominal pain that has since presented itself as crohn's disease and he had a blockage being caused by inflammation We didn't know that at first and I had the worst panic attack of my life because some part of me was convinced this was the end Ever since then, I have had sensitivity to hospitals and they give me the same trigger feelings as things regarding my original trauma. Is this normal? Is this related to PTSD or something else? I personally wouldn't consider what happened with my boyfriend to be as traumatic as what happened originally but I'm still feeling awful about it.

2019-08-06T08:56:33.000Z

cmo4yy

ptsd

Developing new triggers?? Is that a thing???

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmo4yy/developing_new_triggers_is_that_a_thing/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T05:56:37.000Z

cmmqym

ptsd

I can't sleep

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmmqym/i_cant_sleep/

newtoreddit072019

I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 14 (25 now), multiple residential inpatient programs that spanned the entirety of 16-18. I feel like I’ve been through every “program” under the sun. I’ve been sober for 5 years. I have a job, family, child, etc. I’ve been on all different kinds of anti-anxiety/depression meds and have been on Zoloft for over a year now. Initial trauma happened when I was 12, and then I was trafficked 14-15, turned to sex work when I left treatment on my 18th birthday. I’ve been out of that lifestyle since I got sober. I still struggle a lot!! It’s so frustrating!! I feel like I have done so much to “help myself” and “better myself” to the point of everything looking normal on the outside. I feel like over made SO much progress but will this ever be done for good?? Any advice? I am open to trying anything! I am continuing therapy, medication, etc. but is there any other tangible solution? I self harmed for the first time in nearly a decade last month...it scared the crap out of me that I could still do that kind of thing to myself. I’m a mom now, I can’t be doing that! It’s like..I still have trouble sleeping at night. I still have those times where I can’t stop picturing terrible things happening to my family. I feel like I’m at a loss! Am I just not working hard enough? I feel so ashamed that I’m still not “recovered” after all this time, especially since I have so many things in my life I am immensely grateful for!

2019-08-06T05:28:27.000Z

cmmigm

ptsd

Any options besides meds and talk therapy? Trigger warning: self harm

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmmigm/any_options_besides_meds_and_talk_therapy_trigger/

anonymous_bunbun

I was molested for years when I was in elementary school. I’m now an adult. My own family started and everything. Life is great.. as best as it can be. PTSD causes daily issues. I came forward with the molestation and today I found out the first hearing is in 15 days.

2019-08-06T04:36:53.000Z

cmm0r6

ptsd

Trigger.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmm0r6/trigger/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T04:35:33.000Z

cmm09y

ptsd

NEED ADVICE: Old photos & keepsakes triggering PTSD pain. Get rid of?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmm09y/need_advice_old_photos_keepsakes_triggering_ptsd/

ray7989

I’ve just began therapy for my ptsd and heard from friends with ptsd that through forms of treatment such as emdr, intense body sensations can occur. I think my therapist said it has to do with stress or chemicals being released in the body. I have previously felt smaller sensations in my body through meditation in therapy, but man in my session today when I told my therapist about something from my childhood, all of a sudden my body just went nuts. Felt like prickles all over from my legs, face, arms, everywhere. Lots of shaking too, it was too much to handle. I couldn’t even feel my hands for a while and got dizzy and had trouble walking afterwards. With these sensations came me kind of freaking out and ranting about all of my trauma, was just a ton at once. Just sort of wanted to hear if anyone else has felt these before? I know it’s common but might be resssuring to hear from others about it.

2019-08-06T02:05:38.000Z

cmkhfn

ptsd

Body sensations when facing trauma

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmkhfn/body_sensations_when_facing_trauma/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T02:04:53.000Z

cmkh5k

ptsd

Those of you who smoke weed as opposed to prescription drugs, what has your experience been like?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmkh5k/those_of_you_who_smoke_weed_as_opposed_to/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-06T01:50:57.000Z

cmkbpo

ptsd

Yoga & PTSD Part II

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmkbpo/yoga_ptsd_part_ii/

sleepyeggy

I had to disclose for my new job that I have ptsd and that I’m on meds and seeking counseling to manage it. The question was something like have you ever had or have a mental break down, psychiatric illness or sought therapy” and I didn’t want to lie so I said yes and explained in the notes that it’s ptsd I manage w medication. I just feel so nervous about disclosing, I wish I hadn’t, now I have this irrational fear they won’t want to hire me back or they’ll fire me. I know I’m protected under the ADA but it just makes me nervous. Anyone else get this way over disclosing? Should I be really worried?

2019-08-05T23:43:58.000Z

cmixjd

ptsd

Disclosing PTSD to employer

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmixjd/disclosing_ptsd_to_employer/

woozookazoo

I think I have it! I don’t think it was my friend who killed herself. I don’t think she was the reason I have hyper-vigilance and flashbacks (well maybe just a little bit but not completely). I think it’s because in July of 2018 I had attempted suicide by ODing on pills and that’s the closest I have ever felt to death and it was terrifying.. And the episodes didn’t start until maybe August-September.

2019-08-05T22:59:35.000Z

cmif4t

ptsd

Digging deep into past trauma (suicide TW)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmif4t/digging_deep_into_past_trauma_suicide_tw/

norashepard

Does anyone here whose PTSD stems in part from sexual abuse have unwanted genital arousal issues? I have experienced chronic sexual trauma and have had these symptoms for a long time—sensations of [pressure, pain, irritation, clitoral tingling, throbbing, vaginal congestion, vaginal contractions](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistent_genital_arousal_disorder). It’s extremely unpleasant, and every once in awhile gets unbearable, especially when I am trying to sleep. I just squirm. I’m wondering if there is anyone out there who can relate and what you did for relief.

2019-08-05T22:19:29.000Z

cmhxmr

ptsd

Unwanted Vaginal Sensations (TW sexual abuse)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmhxmr/unwanted_vaginal_sensations_tw_sexual_abuse/

Pvineappless

I have been inactive on reddit for awhile, trying to continue to focus on healing after prolonged traumatic events that are still occuring somewhat. It is hard to heal while I am experiencing severe mental pain/agony. However I am thankful many people here have given me some advice that was not just a standard, "useless" cookie cutter "It gets better!"; those "useless" comments are still appreciated despite me sounding cold about it, but nothing about those have given me some insight... because lets be honest... We're altered, most of us permanently and it's unfair. I still find myself becoming angry and suicidal over how unbelieveably vile it is that my abusers have no remorse nor intense night terrors, intrusive thoughts and images, being lost within their own mind and losing time... and physical motor/verbal tics that were not present before the abuse. To see them happy, living life with relative ease, having big supportive groups that they, quite frankly do NOT deserve. To know they are sleeping comfortably and have people to hold them if they should feel a little uncomfortable in life makes me absolutely full of rage and suicidal feelings. Because no matter how hard I focus and put my blinders on and plow forwards trying to create my own decent comfortable life, this illness and disabling ptsd that my abusers beat into me makes it all that much harder. I find myself having difficulty regulating my emotions when I am experiencing symptoms of my c-ptsd/ptsd. All the grounding techniques my therapist keeps practicing with me do not work no matter how furiously I try them. Regardless I am beyond thankful for the support I have recieved here. I try to take what advice is given to me and push through because I am desperate to feel better. Unfortunatley, I have had a number of males bash on me calling me an "attention whore" via PM for posting about what I am struggling with. This is both rude and unfair. Like all of you I am seeking advice, perspective, and survival tips. We need to not shit on eachother. This is a painful problem we are dealing with.

2019-08-05T21:54:07.000Z

cmhm2i

ptsd

Trying to self-regulate my emotions despite involuntary mental anguish.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmhm2i/trying_to_selfregulate_my_emotions_despite/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-05T19:16:33.000Z

cmfhb1

ptsd

Maybe abuse is in my gentics

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmfhb1/maybe_abuse_is_in_my_gentics/

[deleted]

Rhetorical question: with friends, who needs enemies?

2019-08-05T18:50:59.000Z

cmf4ia

ptsd

Can you set prolonged exposure therapy to "stop fearing friends"?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmf4ia/can_you_set_prolonged_exposure_therapy_to_stop/

inkedandnerdy

I've been on the verge of a panic attack since Friday morning and my chest hurts and I can't breath. I don't really want to talk about what's triggering it, but if anyone wants to keep me company and chit chat around random bullshit to keep our minds off trauma, drop me a message.

2019-08-05T17:15:35.000Z

cmdu8x

ptsd

Panic Attack Lite

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmdu8x/panic_attack_lite/

lycanthropiclou

Without getting into too much detail, I was abused a lot as a child, to the point I thought it was normal and every child had to deal with things like what I was going through. I try not to carry the physical/ emotional/ psychological scars with me where people can notice, but it left me with a diminished sense of self worth and esteem. Logically, I know I shouldn't need outside validation, I'm good enough for myself and I do my best, but i still seek approval from those around me. I'm lucky enough to have a great support network of just the best friends you could ask for, they've seen me through some dark times and they're still with me, so I cherish and appreciate them so much. That being said, I can't seem to shake the feeling that I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve people like them. I'm just some broken, emotionally crippled, useless heap of a human. I feel utterly undeserving of love, yet an insatiable need for it and to express it. I sought out professional help this year after a self harming incident made me realise I wasn't the person wanted to be. I don't want to mar my body because I can't handle the emotions swirling around inside of me, and that's when I was diagnosed with PTSD. I knew I suffered from depression and had a budding anxiety disorder, but the PTSD was something I never put any thought to. Since starting therapy I've had more and more flashbacks and episodes, which I'm told is normal for healing trauma, but I'm just so tired of it. Sometimes there's a logical trigger, but sometimes it's seemingly out of nowhere; I'm just going about my business and then wham! I'm cowering in the fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably, adrenal glands working overtime and feeling, physically, like I was just beaten several times over. I guess the main reason I'm writing this, is that I'm having a really hard time controlling my emotions today and I just want to either stop existing or hurt myself so bad my emotions can't get to me, and I know those are feelings that I shouldn't act upon, so I'm just sharing. I just want to feel human and connected and not so broken again. Sorry this was a little longer

2019-08-05T16:37:24.000Z

cmdbk7

ptsd

Just feeling broken

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cmdbk7/just_feeling_broken/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-05T10:25:49.000Z

cm990e

ptsd

Do I have PTSD? How do I subdue it/the symptoms

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm990e/do_i_have_ptsd_how_do_i_subdue_itthe_symptoms/

ashes_to_evolution

Trigger warning: car accident (not descriptive), sexual harassment/assault (somewhat descriptive) Disclaimer: To anyone seeking counseling, please keep looking until you find a therapist you connect with and trust. Therapy with the right counselor can be incredibly helpful. I wanted to vent about my experience with trying to get set up with EMDR therapy, because it's been on my mind lately. All of this happened at my first appointment. I was referred to EMDR after a more recent trauma involving me being hit by a car as a pedestrian. (I also had existing PTSD before that related to childhood trauma; now I have PTSD symptoms around both). Originally I was thinking I would just do the EMDR treatment for this specific incident, and not get into any other past trauma. However, when I spoke with the therapist about this, she said this likely wouldn't be realistic because during EMDR, a lot of emotions can come up related to other traumatic experiences. She asked me to tell her about other past traumas I've had. I hesitated around telling her about one trauma in particular (having to do with my family dynamic), and I was clearly uncomfortable bringing it up. When I eventually told her, she responded by saying, "That's weird." ...???? It felt like something out of a movie. I could not believe she said that straight to my face. This is the person I'm supposed to open up to in depth about all of the most horrible and painful parts of my life? Nahhhh. Hard pass. On the drive home I got more and more upset the more I thought about it. I was furious. I was hurting. I couldn't believe she would say that out loud to me after I shared something so sensitive. The whole drive back I debated on whether I was going to drink when I got home. I wanted alcohol. I wanted weed. I wanted to do things I knew weren't healthy to use as coping tools when I'm this upset. I thought about how grateful I was that she wasn't the first person I had told about this particular trauma. I thought about how grateful I was to be stabilized enough that her offhanded judgmental bullshit wasn't going to cause irreparable damage. And even so, I was still fucked up for DAYS. Then I found out that with this particular therapist, I can access notes about my appointments through an online portal (I don't know who thought this would be a good idea, honestly). So of course I read them. For one trauma I had disclosed, I saw she had written down "sexual abuse by a family member," when I had said the perpetrator was a "friend of the family" who was "basically like family" to me. So that made me feel like she hadn't really been listening. But the real kicker for me was this. I told her about an incident where "a friend of mine tried to put some moves on me at a party when I was really drunk, even though I had told him before that I only wanted to be friends." The therapist asked, "What ended up happening?" And I said, "He tried to kiss me multiple times, then he asked me something and I said no and he ended up backing off. Then later I told him we couldn't be friends anymore." I also told her at some point that this was someone I trusted, or else I wouldn't have had him at the party. What the therapist ended up writing down in the notes was "friend breakup." Maybe I didn't give enough information, but HOLY SHIT she missed the point of that story. The point was someone I cared about and trusted tried some nonconsensual bullshit when I was highly intoxicated (as in, almost passed out). It was super scary and I had no idea at the time if it was going to escalate beyond kissing. There's more to the story than even that, but I really thought I had given her enough information to get the general idea. So between "that's weird" and "friend breakup," I've decided not to pursue EMDR with this counselor. I wish I had never gone to that intake, honestly, because it just feels like shit on top of shit at this point. I'm glad I'm in a place where this won't permanently put me off counseling altogether. But sure would have been nice to skip right on by that experience... Edit: left out a word

2019-08-05T09:57:17.000Z

cm90la

ptsd

Therapist minimized my trauma during EMDR intake (TW: car accident, sexual harassment/assault)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm90la/therapist_minimized_my_trauma_during_emdr_intake/

Rachelnm02

2019-08-05T08:26:22.000Z

cm8bdt

ptsd

How would you explain PTSD to someone who doesn’t have it?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm8bdt/how_would_you_explain_ptsd_to_someone_who_doesnt/

[deleted]

I’ve had some enamel wear down or whatever to the point where my teeth are extremely sensitive to temperatures and sweets, and a lot of hard foods and textures, and during my last checkup, they determined I had no cavities, but rather too much tooth grinding. I have a nightguard from a while ago and tonight I’m wearing it again for the first time in ages. It’s so uncomfortable, it feels gross to close my mouth (currently typing this while my mouth is awkwardly open) and I hate the feeling of taking it off in the morning. Anyone else go through the same? Edit to add: when I got my nightguard a while ago, it was because i would grind my teeth and clench during the daytime due to test anxieties and a lot of academic related stress. After my accident I’ve been having lots of nightmares where I jerk awake, even after starting prazosin.

2019-08-05T07:06:13.000Z

cm7ozs

ptsd

Wearing nightguard for nightmares and teeth grinding/clenching

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm7ozs/wearing_nightguard_for_nightmares_and_teeth/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-05T02:41:47.000Z

cm58ru

ptsd

Meditation and Yoga for PTSD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm58ru/meditation_and_yoga_for_ptsd/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-05T01:30:33.000Z

cm4ikn

ptsd

Militarization

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm4ikn/militarization/

woozookazoo

My therapist thinks I have PTSD from my friend killing herself. Ever since I found out she did, I would go into these episodes of numbness, dissociation, everything just felt very off (like almost as if something major just happened in my life but I couldn’t tell what it was), mixed in with paranoia and alertness. I’m just really confused because I don’t have flashbacks, but after the incident I refuse to read anything about suicides or death because it triggers these episodes.

2019-08-04T22:57:21.000Z

cm2w66

ptsd

Help

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm2w66/help/

ptsdthroway

I'm not exactly sure if this belongs here, but I honestly don't know where this belongs. Recently, I was involved in a workplace incident. I had what I thought was a near death experience at my job. Technically I could sue them over the whole thing but I have no desire to. However, I am dreading going back to work. I have taken a week long sabbatical after the incident, but I have to return tomorrow. I have to use the piece of machinery that failed on me at least twice a day if not more (could be up to 20). This machinery item people also tend to use in non-work situations without problems, but when I encountered it over the weekend I just could not function. I was shaking and kept thinking I was going to die even though I wasn't using it. I want to quit, but I'm early in my career and I need a good reference. I could ask to avoid this machinery, but since it is a large part of the job I don't think they would agree. How can I quit fast without burning bridges?

2019-08-04T22:29:18.000Z

cm2ky9

ptsd

PTSD and Work

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm2ky9/ptsd_and_work/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-04T22:16:20.000Z

cm2fr5

ptsd

Are these flashbacks and how do I help? (TW)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm2fr5/are_these_flashbacks_and_how_do_i_help_tw/

[deleted]

Figured I'd introduce myself to this subreddit, My name is Keeley, I'm a 19 y/o who has been diagnosed with Chronic PTSD, Major Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar disorder. I've been wondering if anyone has gone through the process of getting disability benefits for their PTSD, as mine has completely stunted how I interact with everyone (aggression and irritatability when a specific topic/person is either brought up or present, irrational fear, tension that tends to boil over much easier than most, Inability to manage emotional outbursts, and sleep issues caused by nightterrors.) I've had most of these problems since I was 13 years old. (A lot happened throughout the last 6 years) And I've become worse and worse over time, to where I absolutely cannot manage to hold a job anymore. My boyfriend and I are losing money incredibly fast, I only recently applied, but in MA you usually get denied the first time. I'm struggling to pay for gas & car repairs, which is gonna make my life incredibly hard if I want to keep receiving treatment and the medications I need to stay afloat. Is there anything I can do to help myself, or even if anyone is going through this themselves? My boyfriend is really patient and kind with me, but sometimes I don't think he gets it because he hasn't exactly been in my shoes.

2019-08-04T22:07:13.000Z

cm2c4k

ptsd

Hey everyone!

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm2c4k/hey_everyone/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-04T18:55:35.000Z

cm01qr

ptsd

Anyone else too afraid to go outside your house due to all the mass shootings happening?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cm01qr/anyone_else_too_afraid_to_go_outside_your_house/

namapootalie

Hey everyone, I suffer from ptsd from sexual abuse and for years my hips have been holding onto a lot of tension and it’s painful and I just want it gone. I thought maybe I should do some hip stretching yoga poses today and then I remember reading somewhere that trauma release yoga (primarily stretches for the psoas) can help not only with the hip tightness and pain but also with lingering emotional pain and symptoms of ptsd. I also think I remember reading that it’s potentially dangerous and can actually re-traumatize people and that’s something I’m not sure I wanna risk. What are your thoughts on this?

2019-08-04T17:55:10.000Z

clzat1

ptsd

Opinions on trauma releasing yoga? I think I once read somewhere that it can re-traumatize people. Are the potential benefits worth the risk?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clzat1/opinions_on_trauma_releasing_yoga_i_think_i_once/

LuciferreWolf

Hello dear people! I will try my best to write this post peacefully. My brain refuses to work with me, so I decided to take another route. Recently, I finally figured out the mysteries of our brain anatomy and how the different parts of the brain get activated during such a dive in the deep ocean of the subconscious. I mean mostly the amygdala and the frontal cortex. I won't go into much detail, that's not what matters now. What matters is that I felt hopeful for the first time in a while, because I now have a diagnosis that makes sense. I know some events broke me in the past, but now finally I can do something about it. The challenge is that since I started, I opened Pandora's box. I have some old memories that I have repressed into almost amnesia, coming out, I have new ones creeping in. I try my best to keep it together, but sometimes it feels like I am on an autopilot. I am quite certain in myself and that I am capable of finding the best solution, but in the same time I have no idea what I am doing. I feel worthless. I need some support. I would like to feel I am not the worst human being on earth, because I know I am not. I just feel pretty low, like Mariana Trench low. \[Fun fact The Mariana Trench is actually part of a canyon, it's quite huge: 2,550 km long and 69 km wide, This is amazing. I really want to see what's down there, I really like animals and mysteries.\] What I started doing. I am focusing now upon building my resilience in the best way I can... I read that resilience is more or less summarized by 7 character traits and that when life gets you down, those traits diminish, so by getting up you make them stronger. 1. Optimism. “Optimism isn't only about staying positive . It's about painful transition and the believe that once that transformation is better, faith will smile at you again. Staying positive is also an important part of optimism, of course. It's connected with warmth and appreciation.” Well, the best thing I got on this is whatever doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. I did understand what it means to suffer and that there are people who don’t ever get the chance to heal like I do. I appreciate that and if I get better, I would like to give back to society and help others. 2. Confidence „While optimism is trust in the good to come to you, confidence is your trust in yourself. It is the certitude in your abilities. You can do the thing! It also means knowing one's own boundaries and our shortcomings without judging them, rather with acceptance.” I have no idea how a healthy self-esteem should feel like. Either I feel quite hopeless or like I am the master of the universe. Both are quite untrue. 3. Humor “Resilient individuals are able to laugh at themselves and laugh in the face of an otherwise dire, tragic situation.” Well… This is one part that I have covered. I really enjoy good humor, especially dark one. One of my favorite books – Catch 22, they recently made a nice HBO series out of it. Quite the awesome take on the book. If you never watched it or don’t know it, first check what it is about, it is quite funny, but the topic is war, so you get the picture. 4. Expression “Having an outlet for expressing is crucial for resilience and for maintaining one's sanity.” Recently I started with writing again, that really did help. I used to do that before quite a lot, now it’s going slow, but it is helpful. I also enjoy collages quite a lot, it really helps express those things that I can’t use words for. Also, I started playing the piano again, specifically “The light of the Seven”, Cersei’s song from Game of Thrones… You can say a lot of things about the last seasons, but the music was on point, this peace is fantastic. 5. Focus The ability to stay focused and to finish a task. I really am not sure how I am doing on this topic, I do work well and finish my job in time, but usually it’s not without medications and I need to sleep almost exactly after work, so that I can have energy the next day. Also, I feel on auto-pilot from times to times. Breathing exercises and cold showers really help. 6. Connection „A strong human support network is critical for crisis management.” Getting from the mentioned above, I don’t get much social interactions… I feel like a hermit crab at this point. I really like my shell and I feel quite uncomfortable leaving it. Humanity is overrated anyway. The good thing is that I have close people to me, so I am not cut off completely. What I try to do is at least have some interaction. I joined an online art therapy group. I started writing in reddit. (Hi again!) I plan to search for cooking buddies, because I am really into cooking (I really love Thai). I also plan to find work out buddies, when I am ready for it. I would like to connect with you. If you think that what I write makes sense to you and you think we can help each other out, please, write me a message. I have a deep need to deepen my connections and find support in any kind of form. 7. Devotion “Faith in a higher power” I am not really into organized religion, so at the beginning I wasn’t quite sold on the seventh aspect. But it is not really about religion, but about perspective. I really feel peaceful, when I watch the NASA videos of earth from above. Or when I watch Earth documentary with David Attenborough, he has quite the amazing voice. Nature is astonishing! And imperfect at the same time… sometimes I have troubles accepting those imperfections and that suffering is part of life. I don’t want anybody to suffer, I wish we all could live in peace and harmony. But that’s not how life works. I feel quite fragmented right now, my sense of self is a bit shattered… It’s like watching the world from a broken glass, the shapes are beautiful in their random geometry, but also very confusing. I am not sure why I write this. What am I trying to accomplish? To connect, I guess… To be heard. No idea what I am doing.

2019-08-04T17:37:03.000Z

clz2yn

ptsd

Just started with the right diagnosis

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clz2yn/just_started_with_the_right_diagnosis/

onwardtomanagua

My twin died by suicide using an illegally obtained firearm. Anything related to gun violence makes me angry and upset. I can't stop reading tweets and stories about the shootings. I'm going to take a break from the internet today. Sending loving kindness to others having troubles with the news coming from America

2019-08-04T17:05:49.000Z

clypbx

ptsd

mass shootings are a major trigger for me but I am glued to the news in US

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clypbx/mass_shootings_are_a_major_trigger_for_me_but_i/

[deleted]

[removed]

2019-08-04T17:00:49.000Z

clyn4e

ptsd

i'm not diagnosed

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clyn4e/im_not_diagnosed/

toxicteacup_

I have been in and out of therapy for the last 10 years, as needed. I grew up in an abusive home and once I found the right therapy, I made a LOT of progress and many areas of my life improved. Two years ago I had two back to back traumatic incidents. I was drugged and raped, and after this happened I decided I needed to go live at home for a while. I moved back in with my mother and her husband, and lived through 6 months of suicide threats, cops being called, furniture being thrown, etc. I have seen a lot of things growing up with my mom-- NONE of them was this bad. I was experiencing insomnia, terror, flashbacks, anxiety attacks, and chronic pain, so my doctor diagnosed me with PTSD. Those big symptoms I was able to conquer. I get flashbacks occasionally and have anxiety, but the worst is over. What I'm dealing with now is the emotional side. I can TELL you any intimate story from my life, but I cannot actually connect with you emotionally. My biggest issue is that I am very ready to date again, but I feel nothing toward anyone. I can go out with an attractive guy and have an amazing date, and still think "eh, but do I like him?". Over time I can feel love, but that's after forcing myself to see the relationship through. When I'm with someone, I feel like I'm playing a role. You have to be a little naive to fall for someone-- I can't get myself there. It's all cut and dry and flavourless. This has made me great at telling the wrong people "no", but when I meet the right people, I feel literally have to tell myself mentally "this is good" as opposed to feeling anything good. I don't have the money to go to therapy anymore, and honestly the last time I went I was disappointed. I have been through SO much therapy. I know myself really well and I've learned a lot of skills that have helped me stay afloat through all of this. I just feel like there isn't anything new they could tell me to make this go away. Has anyone else been able to get through this on their own? Does it ever get better?

2019-08-04T16:22:03.000Z

cly5zk

ptsd

How much healing can you do on your own?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cly5zk/how_much_healing_can_you_do_on_your_own/

Brodydexter123

I'm fucked up...obviously. However, I am a Very loving maternal person. Lately I feel like shit because I'm being told I need to "chill" Why am I stuck apologizing for taking care of people? I don't helicopter parent outside of my head and always just make sure everyone is okay. WHY AM I BEING TOLD TO CHILL FOR ASKING IF SOMEONE NEEDS ANYTHING WHILE IM AT THE STORE?????

2019-08-04T15:49:36.000Z

clxs5f

ptsd

PTSD/MST/MDD

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clxs5f/ptsdmstmdd/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-04T14:29:52.000Z

clwwoo

ptsd

(TW: (childhood) sexual assault/trauma) was I sexually assaulted?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clwwoo/tw_childhood_sexual_assaulttrauma_was_i_sexually/

ashes_to_evolution

Trigger warning: childhood sexual abuse Overwhelmed the hell out of myself (27F) tonight. Went down the rabbit hole thinking about trauma that happened in my childhood. Summary version in a nutshell: a friend of the family who referred to himself as my "adoptive grandpa" was sexually inappropriate toward me when I was a kid. Sexualized comments, slapped my ass on multiple occasions, lots of grooming behaviors. I got sucked back into the same line of thinking I often have around "labels." Does what happened to me "count" as sexual abuse? Does ass slapping "count" as sexual assault? What do I even call what happened to me? I got stuck on Googling legal definitions for awhile before giving up without any real answers. I don't know what to call it, and I still often feel it's "stupid" that I developed PTSD from this when it could have gone much farther than it did. I still have a tendency to blame myself in some ways. "Why didn't you tell someone what was happening? Why didn't you stop going over to his house?" I keep trying to tell myself that I can't "talk" to a scared kid like that, but it doesn't always help. Tonight I decided to look for pictures of myself from the timeframe when most of it was happening. I figured maybe looking at a photo of an actual kid might help me be less hard on myself. Holy shit... Looking at pictures of 10-year-old me has got me feeling like I'm going to break down in tears. Like I feel traumatized just from acknowledging myself as a child. I want to protect her. I want to give her a hug. And I want to hurt the grown ass adult who looked at the girl I'm looking at now and saw her as a sexual object. I know I will continue to struggle with anger toward myself. I don't expect that to go away overnight. But looking through these pictures has me shook. I really don't even know how to put it into words.

2019-08-04T11:07:27.000Z

clv69j

ptsd

Feeling overwhelmed (TW: childhood sexual abuse)

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clv69j/feeling_overwhelmed_tw_childhood_sexual_abuse/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-04T07:19:00.000Z

cltni4

ptsd

Does anyone know about or has anyone tried David D. Burns's TEAM-CBT therapy? I heard about it on his podcast but I can't find any specifics about what it actually involves, and why it works so well.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cltni4/does_anyone_know_about_or_has_anyone_tried_david/

mjobby

Hi, I have posted before about my investigation and hope to do Psychedilics as part of treating my cPTSD. With that lense, i am curious how it may interplay with my fight or flight response, and what to do about it. Now, i know people will say relax and be calm and go into a meditative state, but for a first timer, i dont feel its that simple. any other tips, or maybe what i tell my sitter or retreat leader and how i engage them would be appreciated too. thanks

2019-08-04T05:48:15.000Z

clsypf

ptsd

Psychedilics and Fight / Flight response

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clsypf/psychedilics_and_fight_flight_response/

iambabyhands

I am feeling really terrible, really alone, and I don’t know where to put any of it so I figured I would just come here and vent. TW rape. 5 years ago I was raped by a friend. It destroyed my mental health, traumatized me, and took something away from me I’m still not able to verbalize. It was violent, it was terrifying, and he even admitted to doing it via text message the next day, as he tried to apologize for losing control. I sought an order of protection but held off on reporting, because somewhere in my warped brain, I felt bad because he had an infant son, and I didn’t want him to lose out on being a father. 8 months after it happened I went to the police to criminally pursue. I had my text messages professionally extracted from my phone as “evidence.” It was really the only tangible thing that backed up my story I guess, but it wasn’t enough. Despite him directly saying, “I know I raped you. I’m sorry. I lost control, it will never happen again. I know it was rape.” It wasn’t enough. I will spare the details but the police were horrific to me, they yelled at me, accused me of lying, and said they could prove I had sex with him but not that I was raped. They told me the DA had declined to prosecute my case, and I was shit out of luck. They assured me there was nothing they could or would do for me. Tonight I looked at his Instagram from another account. Part of me wanted to know what he looked like now, so that I could keep an eye out I guess. The order of protection expired 4 years ago and we still live in the same area, know the same people, drink at the same bars. I’ve seen him a few times but not in the last couple years. I guess I was curious. It was dumb. I re-traumatized myself. I re-victimized myself despite the fact that I’ve been doing really well for a few months now, unbothered by it. He’s been vacationing all over, with a girl I told what happened to me in explicit detail. I was never friends with her, but I wanted her to know when I heard she’d been hanging out with him. I wanted to warn her. I think what got me the most was his post from earlier this summer. He captioned it: “5 years ago I was in a bad place in my life. Early 20’s are not what they used or expected them to be. The overwhelming feeling of “what now?” took me to a place I won’t return. My ambitions, goals, and dreams are at an all time high now and rising. Even better is being able to enjoy this beautiful adventure we call life with the people we love. If you’re not happy with how things are going or situations you’re in, get out of it, take chances, overcome your fears, do it with love and open-mindedness, and above all else don’t let anyone say you can’t or won’t.” 5 years ago he raped me. Part of me feels like, okay, cool, he realized he was a piece of shit five years ago? Ok he was in a bad place? But then all this life advice at the end, about making your dreams come true...it just seems so...unfair. If that were anyone else’s caption I’d be happy for them, but this is someone who took something away from me. Who violently assaulted me. Left me bruised, bloody, and looking over my shoulder at all times. This is someone who 5 years later got to make the best out of his life and turn it into something positive. Traveling the world with the gal he loves, adopting a dog, surrounded by friends, seems to be a stable and loving father now...I think I’m jealous? Here I am, 5 years later, a completely different person. A shell of who I was before it happened. Lost, mentally unwell, stagnant, battling severe anxiety and depression daily. 5 years later and my life has barely improved. I don’t know how to process all this. I know I’ll talk about it in therapy, but the anger, the fucking rage I have right now. I’m so angry. I’m so fucking angry. I’m angry at the police who didn’t pursue my case. I’m angry at the people I told my story to who still hang out with him. I’m angry at the ptsd I incurred from it, that some times leaves me so on edge I can’t leave the house. I’m angry at the stupid girl who didn’t listen to me, and I’m angry that she probably didn’t get beaten and raped like I did. I don’t know what to do. I wish there was some way I could still press charges. I wish there was some way I could be taken seriously. I wish I had taken up that random stranger in the bar who offered to kill him for me. I know I shouldn’t have looked. I know I need to focus now on staying calm, and moving forward. I know my trajectory has nothing to do with his, and maybe my best revenge (and only option at this point) is doing exceptionally well for myself, telling my story, and moving forward. But damnit, I’m fucking angry. I’m sorry for the length. I just needed somewhere to put this all. I needed someone else to read it. I needed to get it out of my head.

2019-08-04T04:57:50.000Z

clsjoh

ptsd

I triggered myself.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clsjoh/i_triggered_myself/

Scaleyargonian

You have have seen this in the CPTSD, but I’m posting here too. Tw: absuive relationship. It wasn’t until recenttly I considered I may actually have it. I’ve been in a very bad patch this summer, and when my depression does get more of a grip on me... I start to recall the past a lot more. I was in an abusive relationship with my former Best Friend for about five years. The first year was all fine and dandy; what I knew at least. But I learned she had threatened and hit my friends... Over time she became verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive toward me. ‘I wasn’t girly enough, I wasn’t thin enough, I wasn’t cool enough. Etc.’ If she didn’t get her way, Id either be left on read for days on end until going back to school (and it was convient) or when she wanted to. I watched her cheat on her boyfriends, she’d occasionally flirt with me. And when I rejected her, I was told “You’re too fat to be my side chick anyways” I was the thinnest I had ever been. About 100 pounds. Over time she manipulated me, cohersed me into giving her money and buying her stuff. I never got a dime back. I noticed things were wrong when I took a psychology class my Sophomore year, we joked about it for a bit, but then I noticed it was real. After she moved away and I was visiting I was told “You’re lame and easily replaceable.” That hit me deep. She had learned I had met someone and had quite the crush. Later on I was yelled at for not forcing my parents to make the two hour dive on both a work and school night. She ended things- I got a call from her sister two weeks later (The kids never did anything to me, they loved me and I did them). By that time the girl I had a crush on had picked me up and told me to get rid of her. I took that advice.... but I’m still living with everything on my shoulders and tormenting me. It’s been four years since I finally left and didn’t look back since Senior prom (We ended it at the start of the year, but had friends who made me use my other ticket). I’ve realized I’ve pushed a lot of the stuff she did to me onto the loved ones in my life. Not to their faces, but mentally.... I feel like they are pissed at me when I don’t get a response, I feel like suddenly I’m not going to be good enough, that I am worthless, I am easily replaceable... My Boyfriend hasn’t given me anything to doubt his loyalty, but I feel like I’m going to be stabbed in the end. What should I do? What is the first step of getting help? What can I expect? I want to get better, because this has been eating me up for so long. I need help.

2019-08-04T04:26:06.000Z

clsa3l

ptsd

I think I may have PTSD, I need help.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clsa3l/i_think_i_may_have_ptsd_i_need_help/

BradenMer

[removed]

2019-08-04T03:57:55.000Z

cls0xw

ptsd

Hey, so, I don’t have PTSD, but I do have OCD, so, I know how annoying it is when people claim to have your mental illness, it really sucks, I’m trying to not worry about it, and I encourage you guys to do the same.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cls0xw/hey_so_i_dont_have_ptsd_but_i_do_have_ocd_so_i/

domeric_bolton11

2019-08-04T03:22:22.000Z

clrpl5

ptsd

when the "employee rights" mandatory meeting is what triggered my fucking asshole brain

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clrpl5/when_the_employee_rights_mandatory_meeting_is/

throwaway0706199

I want to start with that my parents are good people. They are. I don’t know why they do this, but they always have. So I’ve been playing Minecraft (yeah I’m an adult so what) mostly because I find it relaxing, especially with the difficult time I’ve been having lately. When I’m visiting my parents house I’m in the room with my mom, and I mentioned that I didn’t sleep well, and I explained a crazy nightmare I had the night before. I always have nightmares, since my trauma happened. The first thing she says is a really sarcastic “Oh ~Minecraft~ definitely couldn’t have caused the nightmares!!” No, mom. Me being sexually assaulted caused the nightmares. She knows about what happened to me. It seems every time I mention a symptom I’m struggling with, she pins it on some simple thing. Another example is her telling me I’m having anxiety because I have homework due the next day- instead of that I just saw my assaulter’s car. One of my biggest problems now is feeling like I’m “just being dramatic” and I can’t help but think that my parents doing this to me all this time has made that worse. When I talk about that I’m struggling, my mom gets kind of short and annoyed with me. I’m sure she’s thinking that I had a great childhood and so nothing should be wrong. I just kills me. Since that happened I can’t stop thinking about it. I just want to vent and feel validated I guess. I can’t stop thinking that I don’t have any right to be like this.

2019-08-04T02:09:44.000Z

clr0wh

ptsd

Just need to get this off my chest

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clr0wh/just_need_to_get_this_off_my_chest/

Lilliah03

Now I don’t mean mentally where I feel like I’m trapped inside my head. I mean like I feel physically trapped even though I’m not. I go into complete panic mode and angrily “push” against the force trapping me and I realize it wasn’t actually there. I know this may be the wrong subreddit but this is the first thought that came to mind when I started feeling like this. Has anyone else felt like this?

2019-08-04T00:31:42.000Z

clq1sm

ptsd

How do I deal with feeling like I’m trapped?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clq1sm/how_do_i_deal_with_feeling_like_im_trapped/

idontknowwhatitshoul

My gas tank is so small, and it’s really aggravating not having the energy/ability to do daily tasks, let alone pursue what I’m passionate about. Fatigue is one of the most disabling parts of PTSD, for me. I’m about to start therapy with someone licensed to do EMDR and I’m really excited! I’m hoping this will help my symptoms in general. Thanks y’all ❤️

2019-08-03T23:07:50.000Z

clp7cf

ptsd

How do you handle chronic fatigue?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clp7cf/how_do_you_handle_chronic_fatigue/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-03T21:29:57.000Z

clo4hj

ptsd

How do you get over lingering effects of sexual assault?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clo4hj/how_do_you_get_over_lingering_effects_of_sexual/

[deleted]

I attempted suicide following an anxiety attack where I just kept hearing my abusers voice in my head telling me how worthless I am. I’ve been having nightmares of the worst of what happened. What scares me is I honestly don’t know what happened leading up to the attempt. I had been doing great on a SSRI and regular therapy, but the dreams started again. I got my med changed and am getting referred to a outpatient therapy program, but I’m scared and concerned.

2019-08-03T18:47:25.000Z

clm9kl

ptsd

Flashback turned to suicide attempt

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clm9kl/flashback_turned_to_suicide_attempt/

[deleted]

Went up to a in law family event this weekend and was interrogated by a Christian family member about my beliefs. She cornered me into saying something I don't believe, so I feel gross. I should have shut it down but hindsight is 20/20. It triggered me and all I want to do is leave.

2019-08-03T17:39:25.000Z

cllh37

ptsd

Triggered by family interrogation

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cllh37/triggered_by_family_interrogation/

[deleted]

I don’t know though. I don’t remember. It’s weird. Ever since I began having bad trauma episodes, they get worse when I think about my music teacher or things associated with him. It’s at a point where I won’t listen to bands he used to teach us about in class. He was the chaperone on a school trip where one of my trigger events happened unrelated to him, and I remember him getting drunk one night and ranting about stuff, but overall he seemed like a really nice guy and a good teacher in the years that I knew him. I have no idea why I get so anxious when I think about him now. I don’t know what happened.

2019-08-03T17:37:32.000Z

cllgar

ptsd

I think my music teacher did something to me.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cllgar/i_think_my_music_teacher_did_something_to_me/

firefly1801

Hi all. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD due to an abusive relationship (emotional and sexual). Thankfully I’m in a wonderful relationship with someone else who is very caring, understanding, and accommodating to my mental health and struggles with a relationship. But of course, PTSD has to be a bitch. Does anyone else have feelings that because you feel broken that your SO will leave? I feel as though I only deserve the type of relationship my abuser and I were in. I don’t feel I’m worth my SO’s time because he is such a great guy and I’m such a mess because I struggle moving past this. I fear that eventually he will only see the bad parts of me like I do and will see I’m not worth it... He’s super reassuring and that is always helpful, but does anyone else have any sort of coping mechanisms to help with these feelings? I just want to feel comfortable in my relationship and by all means I should and not focus on past issues, but again that’s really hard no matter how much I try. Thank you so much to anyone in advance and best of luck on your healing processes.

2019-08-03T13:45:27.000Z

cliwxv

ptsd

Struggling in my current relationship due to past abuse

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cliwxv/struggling_in_my_current_relationship_due_to_past/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-03T06:50:44.000Z

clftcr

ptsd

Anyone available to talk me down a bit.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clftcr/anyone_available_to_talk_me_down_a_bit/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-03T06:49:52.000Z

clft4a

ptsd

it's been a long week

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clft4a/its_been_a_long_week/

jolivier7

3 years ago I was sexually assaulted by a close friend from an extremely tight-knit group of friends at a party my freshman year at an elite music conservatory. I reported it to the school and was basically called a drunk slut unable to properly recall what happened. I left because I was in a downward spiral and was going to kill myself and was self-harming and not taking care of myself. I want nothing more than to move on from it all. I thought one way to move on was to help out a friend-of-a-friend who is a journalism student at my old school who was writing a report on the title ix department there. I was happy to oblige but it became all too much and one night while I was very drunk, I decided to look for some documentation he had asked for, and everything came spiraling back and I began inconsolably crying. For hours, I cried so hard that I woke up my roommate. The thing is, that was the first time I even approached anything close to processing my trauma. I have been in therapy since I was 15 and especially since I was assaulted, but I’ve never been able to catharize the deep, conflicting emotional hang ups I have with the friends I sorely, sorely miss; the assaulter whom I can never really escape without shutting out any person from that extremely tightly knit group of friends; the youth/naïvety/innocence I had before all of that. I just want to cry about it, but I’ve compartmentalized and can’t soberly, healthily access the emotional capacity required to let out the anguish, confusion, anger, longing, isolation, desperation, and all of the half-discernible emotions that lie in between. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get out of Reddit from this but all of my friends, who *have* helped me through this, are asleep and I’m too anxious to follow suit and needed a place to vent.

2019-08-03T06:40:07.000Z

clfqki

ptsd

TW: SA and self-harm/suicide mentioned—Unable to process events healthily

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clfqki/tw_sa_and_selfharmsuicide_mentionedunable_to/

blaq-gem

ive gotten so used to having to control my issues, emotions, and mental processes that i’ve forgotten how to express my deepest feelings. i don’t even know how i really feel. i know how i should feel, and what would be logical for me to feel. it’s not an empty or numb sort of state, it’s like i’m detached from myself. i feel like i don’t know where my genuineness lies. i know who i am, what my goals are, what my reality is, etc., it just seems like something that was crucial to my identity has been lost. i used to be more creative and innovative, now i feel out of touch, as if my own thoughts aren’t in my head. i look to pieces of who i was before to try and understand myself. i don’t wanna think about any of this - which is why i have to get it out - or think about much of anything at all. my personality is a circle of theatrics and i hate it, i don’t hate myself, i just hate what comes out of me because i don’t feel connected to it, if that makes sense.

2019-08-03T04:47:09.000Z

clet83

ptsd

feeling like a void

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clet83/feeling_like_a_void/

natnaat13

When I was a teenager I saw an erect penis for the first time. When I saw that I immediately began getting flashbacks of a disturbing memory involving my older cousin. The memory was when my older cousin brought me in his room to see his turtles. While we were in there he told me not to tell his mom. He showed me his erect penis and told me to touch it. That's all I remember. I don't know what age I was or if anything else happened. I didn't know what that was. I remember thinking it was like a cows udder or something. Also in middle school he was sending me love poems and made me feel very uncomfortable. Ever since that realization came to me and I remembered that I have not wanted anything to do with my cousin. I told my parents when I was an adult ...they contacted my cousin and he told them that he never did that. That maybe I saw porn in his room. I know for a fact that is a true memory. My mind wouldn't come up with something like that on it's own. Before this I loved my cousin... now I don't trust him and I don't ever want to talk to him or see him again. That's another reason I know it must have happened. How do I heal from this with the thought that maybe more happened? Any advice is appreciated.

2019-08-03T03:14:09.000Z

cldxeb

ptsd

Childhood Trama

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cldxeb/childhood_trama/

Maddog876423

This week was the first time I was officially diagnosed with PTSD I’ve been struggling with it for 4 years but I never sought help. I’m not really sure where to go from here...my therapist keeps pushing meds but I do not want it on my record as my work field/work place is extremely taboo with ptsd. Does anyone know of any different treatments that helped you that didn’t require meds?(my therapist wouldn’t discuss it just kept trying to push meds on me) Any advice is greatly appreciated. I’m new to seeking help/treatment and I’m hoping people know of some sort of alternative that’s not meds. Thank you in advance for any help given!

2019-08-03T02:29:02.000Z

cldhhd

ptsd

Does therapy really help?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cldhhd/does_therapy_really_help/

Its402am

Hi! Long-time lurker, first-time poster to this subreddit. tl;dr - spent more time being looked after by day-cares than my home, dealt with some fucked up things and I'm not sure what to do or if it's even worthy of direct help. Looking for advice. I've been seeing a therapist for general anxiety, OCD and depression, as well as treating ADHD and some learning disabilities. I have no idea how to breech this subject with my therapist because I feel like I've already dumped a bunch on her and I feel like I'm just asking for attention at this point. Basically, I have a specific old memory from my childhood that haunts me every single day. I was a military kid of a single mom, and spent a lot of time away from her and was looked after by babysitters, was placed in daycares, etc. I don't resent her at all - I love my mom with everything I have! She was my whole world and still is. It was very difficult to have to be separated from her and I wound up in the care of mean or neglectful babysitters and a few day-cares where I had some gross encounters. TW details to follow:>!I know I was sexually abused by a handful of older kids several times at a particular day-care (Mom DID learn about this and tried to do something but didn't/couldn't pull me out of the daycare), and I know I had a minor situation happen with a cousin during a period my mother wasn't mentally well and they were visiting/looking after me (Mom DOESN'T know about this, I don't want to tell her). The memory that TRULY haunts me during this period of my life is from a particular babysitter's home. We (4-5 other kids) were left alone all the time in the babysitter's basement. There was another child who was 2 or 3 that they looked after, and he fatally abused several of the babysitter's pets while we were left alone. I was 5 or 6 and could do nothing but watch. I blocked it out until I was 10 and owned a pet - that's when I'd say it truly began to haunt me. I didn't tell my mother until a few weeks ago, and I was even more vague talking about it than I'm being here.!< I pushed this event aside as an intrusive thought and told myself it was nothing more, but it HAUNTS me. DAILY. It feels like I'm there. For a split second I hear things, I feel things, I see everything, it takes over my vision, my bones, my guts, I feel physically and emotionally for the animals. I gasp, I plug my ears, I cry, I panic. At home alone or in public, on the bus, at work. And it loops like my other intrusive thoughts. I think about it once and it takes minutes or hours to cool off. When things IRL remind me of it (area carpets, certain animals, roadkill, certain gestures), it's like I'm FORCED to think about it again. I'm freaking my husband out with it lately, I know. I had to open up to him about it recently because it flaired up a few weeks ago and I was crying in bed and it was torture because it is so incredibly difficult to talk about it. Subconsciously I know a lot of my current issues are because I was left alone with strangers so much as a child and I kept a lot of went on from my mom when I could. Compared to other people's stories I feel ashamed posting here looking for direction, and as badly as I'd like to talk to my therapist about this, I don't know if it's worth it. It's not like she can do anything about the memory itself, right? It's not like my other intrusive thoughts that are purely fictional. This is something that happened and nothing can change it. But I can't handle this plaguing me anymore. I want help and I have no idea if THIS is even the best place to start. I appreciate any advice. Thanks so much if you read the whole thing and hope it's okay to post this.

2019-08-03T01:25:17.000Z

clcuq2

ptsd

I think I have PTSD and I don't know where to start | TW for descriptions of sexual abuse/animal Abuse

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clcuq2/i_think_i_have_ptsd_and_i_dont_know_where_to/

sonafresh

Tldr is what do i do if **I** am the cause of lots of my current situation? I don’t blame my current events on the past. I get that I was damaged in the past and have worked for two decades to minimise that and be a useful stable person. I have failed overall. Not entirely, I get that. I dont drink, I work in a service industry, I am superficially a good member of society. So my lil ted talk would be “I was expected to be dead or a selfabsorbed addict or fully mental and im not”. Instead I am a partially functioning human who cannot sustain a relationship nor run a house. I live alone with multiple reminders to shower and do housework. I have 3-6 year relationships which end because I am “too much”. I have no career but work parttime in an entry level nursing because Im good at it but also live paycheck to paycheck. And Im grateful for my work. I guess my self-pity party is about how do these ted talk crew overcome their traumas to the point of support and success? And why have I not met my basic values of being a stable enjoyable life companion for someone, with a quiet social function and peaceful uplifting community presence? Thats a fancy way of saying I am alone and isolated and I cant blame the cause of my ptsd. How do you deal with taking responsibility for your actions? Edit throwaway account because i try be positive in my reddit (thanks therapy) and this is underlying it constantly. Tired of trying thanks ted.

2019-08-02T22:57:51.000Z

clb9l4

ptsd

Watching ted talks is not helping. Had enough therapy to know whats my responsibility now. How did these ted talk crew take their trauma and turn into nice people with useful lives?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clb9l4/watching_ted_talks_is_not_helping_had_enough/

vizurant

For the first time in 29 years, I’ve had an anxiety free day. What are you all up to today? Please tell me! I’d love to know :) Sending you ALL love and light, always -Viz

2019-08-02T22:56:03.000Z

clb8tx

ptsd

Today’s a better day

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/clb8tx/todays_a_better_day/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-02T20:41:10.000Z

cl9mbj

ptsd

Unusual dream issues

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl9mbj/unusual_dream_issues/

ray7989

I’ve had incidents of trauma all throughout my life Since childhood, my main incident of trauma causing my ptsd being about 7 years ago. I still struggle with ptsd, but I’ve come a long way and have healed and moved on considerably. but sometimes I find myself feeling bad about feeling good. I think it might have to do with feeling guilty about healing while others are still struggling (which could relate to my struggles with even validating my diagnosis in the first place), and along those lines also because I don’t struggle in the same ways I used to I think it’s hard to validate my diagnosis. Also, sometimes I just plain feel like I don’t want to lose having ptsd, this one is lost to me I have no clue why. It doesnt make sense because shouldn’t a person not want to have problems like ptsd? Maybe I’m just so used to dealing with it I don’t want to go without, because I’ve been dealing with trauma since childhood. Not really sure. Does anyone else experience anything similar?

2019-08-02T19:41:01.000Z

cl8v1l

ptsd

Anyone else feel almost guilty about healing or don’t want to get better and heal?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl8v1l/anyone_else_feel_almost_guilty_about_healing_or/

tobecontinued89

Hi everyone. I'm sorry if this post is redundant or messy, but I feel messy. Like my head is a hurricane spinning all the thoughts constantly. I get fatigued so easily and take breaks in between each small task. I get triggered in crowds and when there is thunder or construction or loud noises. The other day I was in the middle of a street full of traffic and everyone was honking and I literally put my hands on my ears like I was 5 year old. Not to mention all the near-fainting when there are crowds on the bus. I feel like I was so proud to be better and now I'm back to barely coping. Found few books on ptsd and dbt as well as productivity, put headspace and routine tracking app on my phone and unlike last week I actually showed up for each appointment I had out of home(I've been a bit agoraphobic again). I feel like I'm doing my best to hold it together and I'm still not managing. I'm doing all this and I still get these waves of hopelessness or wanting to sh or of being so sensitive to loud sounds I literally curl up on the bed or dissociate and so on. If I try to sleep without my sleep meds I keep waking from nightmares few times each night with the sheets on the floor. And even writing this I feel like this isn't something worth sharing, like it's a contest or something. I'm sorry! Not even sure if I'm asking for tips or just sharing. The last few weeks have been a huge backslide in terms of my mental health and tonight is just hard to cope with and somehow I found myself here.

2019-08-02T17:28:19.000Z

cl75hn

ptsd

Having rough time lately and being hypersensitive

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl75hn/having_rough_time_lately_and_being_hypersensitive/

bonneville_777

I had a full blown panic attack yesterday when my AC unit was leaking. Literally shaking and could breath/fall asleep. I'm already doing EMDR and counseling. Just wanted to ask you guys what your techniques are for dealing with stuff that isn't life or death but that stresses you out? Thanks !

2019-08-02T16:27:02.000Z

cl6cr0

ptsd

How do you deal with less important "things"?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl6cr0/how_do_you_deal_with_less_important_things/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-02T15:16:29.000Z

cl5fve

ptsd

Success begets failure; so why continue to try?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl5fve/success_begets_failure_so_why_continue_to_try/

chubbyfalcon

I was away from home for ten days and was feeling depressed. My so was comforting me on the phone. Starting to feel better, we joke around, he says something like "you're barely tolerable" as a very obvious joke, I immediately go back into a negative spiral thinking he's going to leave me because I'm worthless etc and go quiet. He says something else and now suddenly his voice sounds like my rapist. One part of me knows that it's still him, while another part is completely freaking out. I tell him I'm not ok and ask him his name. He tells me his name. It doesn't help. I get off the phone, do my anti-dissociation routine, feeling better get back on the phone, he sounds normal again and everything is alright (except I'm pretty shaken obviously). Has anyone experienced something similar? I dissociate pretty regularly but this incident was different and I worry it might be something else like a psychosis.

2019-08-02T13:01:21.000Z

cl3t2p

ptsd

Bf's voice suddenly becomes rapist's voice on the phone

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl3t2p/bfs_voice_suddenly_becomes_rapists_voice_on_the/

Natariii

Heya guys. This is my first time posting on Reddit. I have been haunted by my PTSD and I feel that the only way to get passed it is to just type it the hell out in hopes that it will lessen the hold it has on me. It all started when I was in 5th grade. My mother was going to college in Michigan. During her night classes, she would drop me off at my babysitter's house. My babysitter had just broken up with her abusive boyfriend. One night, he broke into the house while I was sleeping. I woke to neighbors screaming. I went downstairs to find my babysitter in the front yard being stabbed by her ex. People were banging pots and pans trying to distract him, but he wouldn't stop. The police showed up and told him to drop his weapon, but he didn't. They shot him multiple times and he dropped dead next to her. They both died in front of me. Next, I was 12 and on a road trip with my step-father. We were heading down the interstate when the SUV in front of us lost control. It flipped many times before stopping in the ditch. The driver was expelled from the SUV and was decapitated. There was a small boy in the backseat, lying halfway out of the window. He was motionless. I still don't know what happened to him. Next, I was 16. I was walking to my boyfriend's house. A car pulled up in front of me and a few guys jumped out. One puts a gun to my head and demands that I get in his car. I get in, of course. The driver drops his 2 passengers off at a local bar and drives me to a secluded cul-de-sac. The only house I could see had their shades drawn. He demanded that I have sex with him. Mind you, I was a virgin. Never even had my first kiss. This nasty man kissed my neck and ripped my jeans open. He molested me for about 10 minutes before he put his gun down on the dashboard. While he was trying to undress me, I grabbed the gun and opened the door to run. He grabbed me before I could get out, causing me to drop the gun. I elbowed him in the face and ran. He fired several shots behind me while I ran through an empty field, then drove away. I ran to the house with their shades drawn and knocked. The person wouldn't open the door, just kept asking what I wanted. I ran and hid in bushes and waited for hours, terrified that the person would come back. I finally got up and ran to the nearest payphone I could find. (This was back before everyone had cellphones) I called my mother. Apparently the people at the house I knocked on called the police and they were looking for me. They find me and take me home. I tell them everything. The police don't believe me. They think I'm just a teen trying to get attention. The people in the house with the shades drawn tell the police that their shades were wide open and didn’t see anything happen. Psshh. Still to this day I don’t understand how someone can lie like that for no reason. Side note... 1 year later I get a call from a homicide detective. Two sisters were abducted by a man and a car fitting the exact description I gave. The older sister was murdered, the younger sister got away. They finally believed me but it was too fucking late. Sad. They never caught him. Next. 21st birthday. Phoenix. My mother and I went to the casino to celebrate. I left at about 2 am. As I was coming to the overpass at 7th and the 10, a woman threw herself off the overpass. She slammed to the ground but was still moving... I got out to help but before I could get to her, a truck came through and demolished her. Next. 22 years old. Driving home from a friend's house late at night. I round a corner and see a huge cloud of dust. I slam on the brakes and look around. There's a motorcycle on the side of the road. I get out and see a man on the side of the road. I run up and see it's just a torso with a helmet on. I look around and in the middle of the road is one of his legs. I remember 2 cars drove by and ran it over. After calling 911, one car stopped and asked what happened. I told him that there was an accident and that the man was definitely dead, having lost his bottom half. That's when the torso made noise. I ran to him. He was still alive. I waited with him until the ambulance came. They took him but he died on the way to the hospital. His mother called me about a month later. She got my info from the police report. She called to thank me for being there with him in his last minutes. He was 18, just graduated from high school and had an entire life ahead of him. It went to my voicemail. It killed me. I feel so guilty because he heard me say that his legs were gone. He heard me say that he had to be dead. Maybe if I hadn't said that, he would have had more hope to survive and not given up. I never returned her call. I should have but I felt so guilty. That will forever haunt me. Next, watched my father die from cancer. Everyone says that their father is the best, but mine really was. He was the strongest, funniest man I've ever met and will ever meet. When he finally passed, he was 80 pounds. Just a sliver of himself, completely defeated. I try to remember him as he was, but it's hard. It's hard to watch someone you love lose a battle that you can't help with. I'll leave it at that because no words can ever explain the pain. Well, that's about 80% of the death I've experienced in my life. The rest was family, from drugs/disease. Needless to say, I became crippled with anxiety. By the time I was 26, I couldn't leave my house. I was terrified that I was going to die. I couldn't even function. I was a shell of a person. I tried to get help but every therapist I found was out of my network or not seeing new people. I gave up. I was ready to die. Then my mother came and brought me to a free clinic. They gave me meds and referred me to someone who I could afford. (Don't even get me started on the healthcare situation in America, GOOD LORD.) I was put on medication. I fought it it the entire way because I was terrified that it would turn me into a zombie. Nope. It was a miracle. I mean, I slept for a good week straight because I was so exhausted from the anxiety but now I'm a fully functioning member of society again :) It was truly a miracle. I'm now enrolled in an EMT course. I want to help people. I feel like that would help me heal, by healing others. Anyways, that's most of my PTSD story. Just a reminder that there is help out there. If you have PTSD, Anxiety or Depression, please reach out to me. This is not your end, it’s a chance to begin again. It gets better if you make it. I promise.

2019-08-02T10:02:47.000Z

cl23vf

ptsd

I see dead people

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl23vf/i_see_dead_people/

pencilbend

Is it a thing to start to have hallucinations after 8 years of untreated PTSD? Just a bit worried.

2019-08-02T09:02:07.000Z

cl1mk5

ptsd

Hallucinations?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl1mk5/hallucinations/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-02T08:33:20.000Z

cl1evo

ptsd

So Fucking Tired

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl1evo/so_fucking_tired/

karlkarl17

[removed]

2019-08-02T07:49:53.000Z

cl12vr

ptsd

There’s a memory that I cannot forget and it’s still bugging me right now

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl12vr/theres_a_memory_that_i_cannot_forget_and_its/

throwaway27213y

TW: In-detail child sex abuse, incest I've been having really distressing reoccurring thoughts lately that I was molested/sexually abused as a child. Looking back on my childhood, I had knowledge of sex/sexual acts at an inappropriate age and I used to grind against things for sexual gratification at 5 years at the youngest I think. I also roughly remember once a sibling told me we could "act like boyfriend and girlfriend" and basically we went under a blanket and french kissed for some amount of time, I don't know. I don't know if I was touched on my genitals or anything but given the circumstances... Even typing that out makes me feel disgusting. I hate kissing because I always think about that and it really upsets my girlfriend. She doesn't know why kissing makes me uncomfortable other than it vaguely reminds me of something bad. She avoids kissing completely and she respects my boundaries but I know that the association of it to her makes her upset/anxious that she's hurt me in some way (she hasn't at all, she's wonderful, but I just can't do it). I don't really know the point of this post. TBH getting this out is more than enough right now. I'm just really struggling with thinking about this without anyone to talk to. It's 12 am where I am and I have very strong urges to self-harm. I have a psychologist but I've not seen him since January, I suppose I will set up an appointment for some time soon.

2019-08-02T07:13:08.000Z

cl0sag

ptsd

I think I was assaulted as a child.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/cl0sag/i_think_i_was_assaulted_as_a_child/

ray7989

Can anyone relate to this? For background my trauma began with emotional abuse at a young age, followed by violence in middle school and high school. I’m in college right now beginning therapy and I’m realizing that for much of my life I’ve been dealing with ptsd from a wide variety of sources of trauma. I often get what I feel like is a flashback, but I don’t know if it really is. I just feel like I zone out and imagine something, related to one of my past traumas (usually violence) but not often the particular incident of trauma. I used to have this happen and see one scene from my biggest incident of trauma, but that was years ago and now it’s usually a miscellaneous violent vision of sorts that I haven’t been through, but I imagine in a way that I end up mentally putting myself in that situation and then my heart races and I sweat and the works. Can anyone relate or know anything about this?

2019-08-02T05:11:08.000Z

ckzpof

ptsd

Flashbacks?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckzpof/flashbacks/

whimsicalangler

I just need some encouragement and kind words. I abruptly quit therapy 8ish months ago. I am terrified of starting again and rehashing everything that makes me who I am. I know I exist outside of my experiences, but I just don't feel like spilling my guts again and getting to know another stranger. But it's time. I've been having meltdowns at least once a week for a couple months and the stress is enormous. I've been in bed for two days now. My partner finally sat me down and told me it's time to find a new doctor. I'm just so overwhelmed and I feel defeated by my own illness. I'm very unwell right now, but I just don't know if I can do more years of appointments. I was doing so well and now I'm back to square one.

2019-08-02T05:05:48.000Z

ckznw0

ptsd

Need to get back into therapy

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckznw0/need_to_get_back_into_therapy/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-02T02:54:28.000Z

ckyd2s

ptsd

Terrified of my ex

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckyd2s/terrified_of_my_ex/

disposablepageandman

So I got my PTSD diagnosis last December and I've been working at improving my coping skills, keeping my substance use and self harm tendencies at a bare minimum and sorting my life out and finally my therapist I'd been spinning my wheels with said I should really try EMDR therapy and that she felt I was in a strong enough place for it but I'd have to change providers and that would mean a headache for me both with paper work abd trusting someone new. The short version of what my clinic is, is they take whatever insurance you have and will charge you nothing on top of it so it's meant for the poor and disabled like myself. This is a blessing in a way as sometimes those of us in the USA can't get treatment, although this clinic knows we have nowhere else to go and doesn't mind jerking us around cause what other choice do we have? I went to two appointments and I told this lady things I'd never told anyone and I've been a big ball of raw festering angry boiling pain, all in the name of healing cause that's the name of the game and it's what they warn ya to expect. Well Monday I walked in and she told me she was leaving and I'd need to find someone else to finish this process with. I've never felt so violated as an adult. I'm shattered, I'm giving up on treatment basically. It's not the first time I've had the rug pulled out from under me because I can't afford a better therapist or doctor but it definitely is the worst. The closest thing I can compare it to is if you went into surgery and the doctor made the first deep incision and the woke you up and told you to find another surgeon to finish the surgery.

2019-08-02T02:50:09.000Z

ckybdo

ptsd

Feeling really defeated

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckybdo/feeling_really_defeated/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-02T02:01:45.000Z

ckxsxz

ptsd

PTSD tics accompanying the flashbacks?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckxsxz/ptsd_tics_accompanying_the_flashbacks/

[deleted]

[deleted]

2019-08-02T00:49:26.000Z

ckx0ci

ptsd

I survived a suicide attempt made a month ago. I feel traumatised by it. I can't stop thinking about what gruesome things I went through.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckx0ci/i_survived_a_suicide_attempt_made_a_month_ago_i/

theonethatgotaway_

I downplay my “traumatic” experiences and how much they affect me. I read stories of what other people have been through and see the experiences I’ve lived through as pitiful. Sometimes I feel like if I described the situations I deem “somewhat traumatic” to someone they would see them as horrible but I’ve downplayed them so much in my head I’ve begun to refuse that they should effect me so much.

2019-08-02T00:46:28.000Z

ckwz6d

ptsd

Does Anyone Else Feel They Don’t Deserve The Diagnosis “PTSD” Despite Living Through Arguably Traumatic Experiences?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckwz6d/does_anyone_else_feel_they_dont_deserve_the/

ilostmylenscap

The only way I can describe it is like a cluttered room. My mind feels like a hoarders room, and it’s hard for me to navigate it. I have so many thoughts and it’s hard to access them sometimes, they feel so messy and foggy. It feels like my mind is full of scribbles. I don’t know if that made any sense

2019-08-02T00:16:35.000Z

ckwnd9

ptsd

Anyone ever feel like their mind is messy?

https://www.reddit.com/r/ptsd/comments/ckwnd9/anyone_ever_feel_like_their_mind_is_messy/