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Instruct: I am so terrified of having sex anymore because I have been told over and over that sex is dangerous even though me and my partner used both forms of protection. My partner is not happy about this and simply wants more sex, and honestly, I want to give that to her. Output: Maybe you'll feel less fear by understanding that whoever told you sex was dangerous, was wrong.If this message came from your upbringing, then it may a deeply embedded belief.Since the belief itself instructs to avoid risk, and overturning this belief requires taking the risk to believe the logic that reasonable safe sex measures are adequate protection, give yourself time to absorb this new understanding.Talk w your partner about your psychological difficulty bc their patience will help you.

Instruct: I'm in my late teens and live with my dad. The only time I go out is for my college classes. Sometimes when I see my friends I want to talk with them, but sometimes I won't want to talk to them for days or even weeks. Sometimes I feel i'm not worth knowing or i'm never going to do anything right. Are they right, am I depressed? Output: Although some people managing depression feel sad or "down",  it is a possible to have depression without an obvious sad mood.  Many people indicate that they feel numb or flat.  People managing depression often have low motivation. They may stay in bed for long periods of time and only get up for absolutely necessary activities.  People with depression may also feel inappropriate guilt or shame.   If you have been experiencing the symptoms you described for more than two weeks, I recommend that you see a counselor to get a more in-depth evaluation.   The symptoms you are experiencing are typical of depression, and with a bit of support, you could regain energy and improved self-esteem.  The stigma surrounding mental health can make a diagnosis or a label of depression seem scary.  The important thing to remember is that mental health disorders are as important as and as treatable physical health disorders.    Hang in there.  Healing is possible! 

Instruct: My ex-fiancé (whom I am still seeing) left me because of the pressure from all three of his teenage daughters. They wanted him to try to work it out with their mom (his ex-girlfriend of 20 years). He and I split three months ago, but I have been seeing him pretty regularly despite the fact that he is living back with his ex-girlfriend and kids. He is "co-existing" for the kids and fighting all the time with his ex-girlfriend. His daughters don’t want their dad with me because my two boys (grown adults and on their own now) had bad reputations and issues with drugs. His daughters say it is embarrassing for him to be with me. He and I had an absolutely amazing relationship and connect on so many levels. He is getting a lot of pressure from his family and his longtime friends to "do the right thing" and stay with his ex-girlfriend for the kids. He says he wants me to wait. We were going get married last year. He bought me a $1000 dress, we had invitations made, and everything set up, but then his girls told him they'd never speak to him again if he married me. He says he’s trying to mend his relationship with them. Output: Hello. It seems you are in a set of circumstances that are highly uncomfortable for you. Do you feel those circumstances are healthy? Do you find pleasure being in such a place of uncertainty? Why do you continue to be in this situation? Without meaning to appear that I might be lacking in compassion, you do have the option to leave the connection completely if the harm it is doing is more that the pleasure it brings you. Is there a benefit to being in this relationship? Do you consider this situation to be for your highest good? Is it healthy to be involved in something that is not likely healthy or perhaps could even be seen as dysfunctional? In truth, only you can decide the answers to these very important questions. I would encourage you to think of who benefits by being in this situation, and how you might be able to find happiness in other relationships that are healthier and more positive. In my clinical view based on what I read, this particular relationship does not carry the joy I am sure you want, nor the healthy interactions you would expect in a functional romantic engagement with another person.Beating yourself up about potentially wasting all this time waiting for the other person to come around will not serve a positive purpose. It likely will only lower your self-esteem. There is a time to wait to see how things develop, and a time to move on to other experiences. You are the one to make that choice, but I would encourage you to connect with your inner higher self, for the most clear answer. Chances are, you already know the answer, you just need to embrace it. Getting in touch with a counselor in your area can also help ferret out some of the deeper issues that you might not have felt comfortable expressing here.

Instruct: I was violently raped by another women who was my friend of 13 years. I’m having bad flashbacks. I’m scared to sleep because I see it in my dreams. I don't leave the house because I have panic attacks. Output: I'm sorry for your suffering.There are therapy programs which help people to gradually feel more at ease so that daily living does not feel so frightening.Once you feel stronger and more secure from such a behavioral program, you'll be able to sleep more peacefully and leave the house whenever necessary to do your regular life.Then, you will be able to open and clear the deep emotional hurt that always occurs from being violated by a trusted friend.Sending good wishes in your work!

Instruct: My grandma had a stroke and passed away recently. I lost my home and job. I'm looking but haven't found a job. I've been binge watching television and binge eating. Output: Wow, you got hit with some serious stuff all at once. Work, relationships, and housing/security are major needs for us and to lose all that at once has got to affect you. When things go wrong, it is natural for us to look for blame----and the easiest person for us to blame is ourselves. Put that with grief and you've got a recipe for feeling awful. We can start feeling so low as to want to check out with things like food, and TV as you described. It can take time for us to move to self-forgiveness, and self-kindness in order to start moving forward again. I wonder what you can do right now to improve your situation? I also wonder if you may be willing to seek counseling to help you work through some of this, to help with your perspective, and to assist in your grieving process. Just reading these 3 sentences, I get the sense of you being a nice person. I hope you can show that kind of kindness to yourself in your healing.

Instruct: I always need alcohol to feel better and use that as a excuse. Output: Check out my latest blog on:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-listI hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!  

Instruct: My doctor thinks that seeing a psychiatrist will help with my depression and anxiety. Now my anxiety is worse, what do I do? Writing on here has taken every bit of strength I have left. Output: Did you take the medication the way the psychiatrist prescribed it?  Did you follow up with her/him to report how it was going?  Different medications work differently with different people.   It's not always the first one that helps.  And some of the medications take some time to have an effect.  Give the doctor the chance to help you. I suggest you find a certified CBT therapist to help you examine your thinking.  www.AcademyofCT.org has listings of the finest CBT clinicians.  In the meantime, do some "anxiety fasting" by taking a few minutes to do something nice for yourself right now.  I hope you feel better soon.  ~Mark (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)

Instruct: I am becoming a Water Safety Instructor but I didn't have enough for a proper swimsuit. I was told by a boy in class that my top was displaying everything. I was very embarrassed. Output: I also want to note that we, as a society, are especially judgemental about how women dress and present themselves.  I am sorry that this boy said something insensitive.  There is nothing shameful about your body and it was not your intention to "display everything."  It also wasn't his place to judge you. As women we are expected to be sexy in some situations and demure in others.  Men don't have the same range of societal expectations to navigate.  You didn't deserve his rudeness.

Instruct: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it? Output: Being a parent can be all-consuming.  And there are more societal pressures on mothers to be everything to their children and families.  In that effort to be everything (cook, housekeeper, planner, social organizer, teacher, etc) it can be easy to forget about being you.  We can certainly acknowledge that becoming a mother likely means giving up or sacrificing parts of yourself for motherhood.  There are parts of becoming a mother that can be wonderful and magical, and parts of it that can be just flat out hard.  I think it is very important however, for all parents to ask for what they need and to carve out the time to nurture their individuality.  This may not only be supportive to you, but it sets a great example for your kids about how to advocate for their needs, and teach them about the depth and interests of their mother.

Instruct: I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job. People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do? Output: hmm this is a tough one!

Instruct: I've been dealing with this for years. My mom thinks I'm overly emotional and refuses to offer any help, like therapy or seeing a doctor. She's seen me when I'm having a panic attack and just said I was faking for attention or that I'm a hypochondriac. I just want to get better. Output: I don't know how old you are, but in Pennsylvania, if you are over 14, you can have therapy without your parents' consent. If you are young enough to use their insurance, that could be complicated, but depending on the state, there may be ways to work around that as well. If transportation is a problem, call a local mental health agency and see if they can connect you with assistance.In the meantime, try searching for a phone helpline in the county where you live. They may be able to help you figure out where you can get help.Another idea is that if you are in school, your guidance counselor may be able to provide links to where you can go for help. He or she may also be able to give you more specific ideas to help with your panic attacks.I know you said your mom refuses to offer help, which included seeing a doctor, but I wonder if she trusts the doctors that is your primary care physician (also called a family doctor) who you see when you have a minor medical ailment that may need medication. That doctor may be able to help you as well.Some of the information here may be helpful to you because it explains some of what anxiety is and there are some quizzes there that may give you information to discuss with a doctor or therapist when you get connected with one. http://www.webmd.com/anxiety-panic/guide/mental-health-anxiety-disorders This may give you other information to speak with your mom about. Remember that I'm not asking you to actually diagnose yourself with one of these things, but just offering some basic information that may help you be able to talk about what is going on.If you are having a panic attack or having a moment of anxiety, try focusing on different things in the room around you. It may help to shift your focus briefly outside of what you are feeling and that may lessen the feeling a bit. Also remember that sometimes anxiety leads to more anxiety about having a panic attack in the future. Remember that they usually and after a few minutes.It would also be helpful for you to keep track of what leads up to your anxiety.Best wishes to you and keep trying until you get connected to someone.

Instruct: I loved him more than anything. He passed away on our anniversary which was also the day I was going to apply for our apartment. I'm not handling it well. I moved to a new town and started a new life but nothing helps. Output: Grief is unpredictable and does not fit into rules and stereotypes. Everybody grieves differently, react in their own ways. There can be no expectations about how long, how hard, how easy it will be. Furthermore there is no way around it. No matter how much we may want to escape the pain and accelerate the process by doing all the 'right' things we have been told will help with our bereavement, there is only one way: through...The more we allow the pain to go through us, experience it, accept it, acknowledge it, make peace with it, the more we will heal. Grief comes in waves but can also feel like a rollercoaster. At first the waves feel like tsunamis, with time they become smaller and more spaced out. Yet every time they catch us by surprise. All the 'firsts without them' after a loved one has passed away, every anniversary, birthday, holiday, are all difficult times.You can not force grief to go away, to heal the wound faster than it needs to take. What you can do though is ride the wave. Go with the flow. Accept the pain. Express it. Talk to your loved one that has passed away. Express your emotions, every single one of them, both positive and negative. Write down in your journal. Take good care of your body, your nutrition, your rest. Grief is very taxing on the body too yet we disregard that. Read inspiring books, surround yourself with beauty and things that soothe your soul. Be brave and be open to the world out there, be vulnerable with pride. Try new things you never dared try before. Meet new people. Travel. Hang out with close friends. Ask for help when you need it. Be kind and gentle to yourself. The more you chase and wait for happiness, the more it will elude you. The more you stay bravely in your present and do the best you can, being loving to yourself, honest about your feelings and do not try to escape grief, the sooner it will loosen up it's claws and allow you to feel relief and finally heal.One thing is for certain, happiness will be there to it's appointment and it will be when you least expect it!Keep the faith and keep walking, nothing can remain the same forever. The only certainty is change!

Instruct: I've gone to a couple therapy sessions so far and still everytime I walk in I get nervous and shaky. Is this normal? Should I still be feeling like this? Output: Well, it's generally okay to feel anxious or nervous about going into therapy, particularly in the beginning because the process of being open about what you are going through, much less to someone who you don't know well, can be anxiety-producing. It's also common to feel anxious when you are discussing something that is important, difficult to discuss, or you are making changes that are very difficult for you.The most important thing I can tell you, though, is to discuss with your therapist this idea that you feel nervous and shaky. Some anxiety can actually help to motivate or lead you toward change. There are also level of anxiety that can be counterproductive, so it's a good thing to discuss. Personally, I can tell you that I would want my clients to tell me about anxiety they feel 100% of the time. That opens the dialog to discuss whether it is the level of anxiety that they want to sit with and learn about in discovering more about themselves and their experiences and/or whether they would like to do something to lessen the feeling of anxiety.Thanks for writing here. If it caused anxiety for you to do so, I hope that feeling is diminishing for you, at least related to writing here.

Instruct: I have no friends, no hobbies, and no interest in anything. I get annoyed with everything and everyone. I am always tired, i can sleep 8 hrs or 12 hrs and im still tired. I don't know what to do. Is this normal? Output: Hello, and thank you for your question. It certainly sounds like you don't like how things are going. Here are a few thoughts and ideas:1. If you haven't seen a primary care provider in a while, you may want to. There are health conditions that can affect your mood and energy levels, even at your age. It doesn't hurt to get checked out. If they find the cause, they may be able to treat it and improve the symptoms. In addition, most primary care providers are trained to be able to manage medication for patients who have mild, moderate, and sometimes severe depression. So, don't be surprised if your primary care doctor offers to put you on an anti-depressant if they diagnose you with depression. Medication is not the only way to treat depression, but sometimes it is necessary depending on different factors.2. You may want to consider counseling, since it is another effective way to treat depression. A counselor will help you explore the factors that may be leading to depressive symptoms in the first place. This could include thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, life experiences, and other things. 3. Finally, to answer your question about whether these feelings are "normal." These symptoms could be the sign of an underlying general health or mental health condition. It is important to remember that even if these symptoms are "abnormal" it doesn't mean that YOU are. Millions of people struggle with depression. So remember, the symptoms are the problem, not YOU. Hope this helps. Be well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

Instruct: My friend is abusing her prescription medicine. Even though she told me she didn't have any more pills, I found she has prescriptions for anxiety medications. Output: Your good intentions to help your friend stay clean, are very caring about her.Unless your friend feels like stopping pills,  taking them away will mean she finds them some place else.The problem that anyone who is addicted to pills has, is that the person is psychologically and at least with xanax, physically addicted.Taking pills has basically become a standard part of your friend's life.Her problem is bigger than your ability to care.If you haven't already done so, tell your friend directly about your opinion on the way she is using pills.This is not a guarantee that she'll stop.It isa way of you showing that you care about her.Offering love and advice are the only things you can do for her.Meanwhile, knowing she is hurting herself is probably hurting you.Be sure to keep a sense of balance within yourself.  Offer your concern and know she is the one who must decide to stop using.

Instruct: I hate everything I see in the mirror. I don't like being in pictures and always scribble out my face. It's stressing me out. I don't trust my parents enough to tell them and I don't know what to do. Output: This is so very common in this crazy looks-obsessed world! I meet so many beautiful people who can't see their beauty. Is there something getting in the way for you? Was there a time in your life when people teased you or told you something hurtful, or did something to you that made you feel ugly? If so, this can be addressed first. Sometimes stories are told about us when we're young and the best thing we can do is see the author's evil or careless intent and not take that on. A therapist can help you with this part.Once you've addressed any past barriers to feeling confident, you can focus on a few simple things. First, your thoughts. If you keep telling yourself that you don't like what you see, then you will never feel okay about your looks. Experiment with telling yourself something different. Look in the mirror and I dare you to find something that's lovely about your face. Focus on that. Describe what you see? If you were your own best friend, what would you say about your face? Eliminating those negative scripts and building new positive ones will help you feel more accepting of how you look. You can't change your face, but you can change your attitude towards your face. Confidence is the things that will make you beautiful!Accepting how you look is important. Without going to plastic surgery (the popularity of which is a testimony to how nuts this whole thing has become), you were born with that nose, those eyes, those lips. Accepting yourself and knowing it won't change is a good idea, because wishing it were different won't make it so!Looking good is also about minimizing flaws and building on your assets. Are you in a rut about hairstyle or makeup? Ask a good friend to give you a make-over. Play with your features and wardrobe. There are plenty of average looking people who know how to make themselves shine because they are creative!

Instruct: I noticed lately that I've been thinking a lot about death. I don't want to die, and I'm not suicidal. I just think about what would happen if I died or if someone I loved died. I imagine how sad everyone I know would be. I know it isn't worth it, and I definitely want to live and have a future. I just think about it. When I'm driving, I sometimes imagine what would happen if I just let go of the wheel and kept going. Output: I'll respond to your speculation that if you let go of the steering wheel while driving, you'll end up quite seriously hurt, at the very least.   It is fine to play in your mind with "what ifs".   People who write horror movie scripts most likely have some terrible sounding stories and suppositions.If you trust yourself to actually not follow through with an idea that may kill you, and you recognize the difference between thinking dangerous things and doing dangerous things, then go to the next step of understanding more about your thoughts on death.Since you wonder about being missed if you die, it is possible your thoughts about death are from feeling that you are metaphysically dead to people in your life whom you wish would show more interest in you.Play around with your idea as to why you'd consider how people will feel about you if you're not in their lives.This may offer some insight as to your expectations of current relationships with others.

Instruct: I think about death all the time because I feel so alone. I want someone to love and someone to love me. Output: Feeling alone and/or isolated is almost always associated with being depressed. As humans, we need connection and interaction with others in order to feel satisfied. Given that you are frequently thinking about death, I highly recommend that you see a mental health professional as soon as possible to help assess your immediate needs and address any underlying issues that may be contributing to your feelings of loneliness and depression. The good news is that with proper, consistent treatment and commitment to change, things can really turn around for you. A therapist can work with you on building enjoyable activities into your daily routine, change maladaptive thought patterns that contribute to your sadness, and help with exploring what has gotten you to where you are. By learning about where your sadness originates, engaging in preferred activities, and changing your thought patterns, you should begin feeling relief from the burden of depression. What will likely result, is further opportunity to find social outlets and an increased ability to connect with others. Don't give up. Create some short terms goals that you can likely achieve and make your treatment a priority and a focus. You have already taken the first step in getting better by writing to this site. Keep on this path and believe in yourself. Best of luck to you!

Instruct: There are many people willing to lovingly provide me with a home. I have food, clothes, and a university education, but I never feel like I belong. Even when I have a good time with people who are supposed to be close, I feel like I'm just out with friends and I never go home. Output: From the little bit you wrote, my guess is you haven't figured out where and how to lay down your own set of roots.Usually people who have a university level eduction are old enough to work in order to support themselves.Unless you have a medical condition which limits or prevents you from working a full-time job, would you guess that the effort and thought involved in deciding in what professional area and geographic location to look for work, would offer you a way to establish your identity?My suggestion is to pay more attention to your own likes, dislikes, and interests.   To know these areas more deeply would define the type of people with whom you identify, have a common interest and with whom you'd like to socialize.The more you realize who you are, the easier time you'll have to find like-minded others and feel securely at home with them and yourself.Again, if you have a medical disability or condition which prevents employment or easily socializing with other people, then this advice would need to be modified for your specific strengths.

Instruct: Over a year ago I had a female friend. She turned out to be kind of crazy so I decided to stop talking to her. When she would call me I wouldn't answer the phone. This made my girlfriend really suspicious. She would ask me why I wouldn't ever answer that phone number. I told my girlfriend that I don't want to be friends with that other woman, but I don't think she believes me. How can I get my girlfriend to understand? Output: Do you know why your girlfriend doesn't believe you?It is strange that your girlfriend prefers you to take the phone call of another woman.Have you blocked the unwelcome phone calls?Has your girlfriend said she doesn't believe you or is this your interpretation?Find out the answer and then ask your girlfriend to tell you her reasons behind her thoughts.It is much easier to help someone understand a situation if the person is engaged in a conversation.Whether or not she understands is up to her.All you can be responsible to do is to offer your explanation, which sounds like you've already substantially offered.Keep or reintroduce the topic for the two of you to talk about again.

Instruct: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. Output: This must be so difficult for both of you.  Watching someone you love suffer so profoundly can bring up lots of difficult feelings.  Without knowing what you are already doing, I have a few thoughts to share with you. First and foremost, know that you cannot fix this for him, and get support for yourself.As much as you are able, make space in your relationship for him to talk about what he is experiencing.  He might not want to talk, and that is ok.If he wants to talk, try to listen without judgement and without trying to talk him out of his feelings.  Focus on validating his feelings and just sitting with him in his pain.Let him know how you feel...that you love him, that you care, that you are concerned, that this is scary for you too, that you are here.I hope that this is helpful.  On my website (www.sarahmcintyrelpc.com), I've written a series of blog posts about coping with distress.  The techniques I've written about there may be supportive for you and your husband.  Sending warm wishes your way.  -Sarah

Instruct: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. Output: It seems like you are very receptive of your husband’s emotions and want to support him trough this time.  But it is also important of being aware of your emotions.  How are you feeling after the suicide attempt?  It is common to experience negative feelings while you try to make sense of the incident.  Feelings like anger, shame, guilt and fear are frequent; while, wanting to avoid, minimize and become distant from the person are parts of the defense mechanism to attempt a quick resolution.  Once you understand and overcome those feelings you may be in a better position to help your husband; who may be experiencing some negative feelings as well.First, it is important to have a safety plan in place, which includes removing harming objects from the home, knowing who to call if there’s a new attempt (either 9-1-1, or nearby treatment center), have a professional expert who monitors you and your husband’s progress, either a Counselor or mental health provider could help you manage negative feelings and identify ways to handle triggering situations.Once the safety plan is in place,  make him feel supported and not judged, saying open ended statements, like: “I am glad that you are here, please let me know what I can do to help you through this process”.  Making small changes toward a healthier living may help as well.  Exercising, eating healthier and practicing new leisure activities may be good ways to start.  Also, explore your spirituality and your husbands, looking for ways to encourage each other by joining a support group or finding people who share your spiritual beliefs.If you have more questions or concerns I offer teletherapy in the State of Texas, and traditional Counseling in Puerto Rico, call 787-466-5478. ¿Cómo puedo ayudar a mi esposo después de un intento de suicidio?Después de que el llego a casa del hospital estaba enojado, luego por un tiempo maravilloso.  Ahora está deprimido y sin ánimos.Parece que estas muy atenta a los sentimientos de tu esposo, y que lo deseas ayudar durante este momento de su vida.  Pero también es importante estar consciente de tus propias emociones.  ¿Cómo te has sentido luego de este intento de suicidio?   Es común que experimentes emociones negativas mientras los recientes sucesos hacen sentido.   Sentimientos como coraje, vergüenza, culpa y miedo son comunes, y el querer evitar, minimizar o distanciarte son mecanismos de defensa igualmente comunes.  Ya que comprendas y superes estos sentimientos,  estarás en una mejor posición para ofrecerle ayuda, recuerda que tu esposo también debe de estar experimentando sentimientos negativos. Es muy importante tener un plan de seguridad, esto incluye remover todos los objetos que pueden ser dañinos o facilitar un futuro atentado, saber a quién llamar en caso de una emergencia (9-1-1 o una clínica de emergencias cercana),  tener un experto que monitoree tu progreso y el de tu esposo, puede ser un Consejero u otro experto de salud mental que te ayude a manejar los sentimientos negativos y situaciones retantes.Ya que el plan de seguridad sea activado, crea un ambiente donde tu esposo se sienta apoyado y no juzgado.  Utiliza frases abiertas para comunicarte, dile que estas feliz de que este contigo, y quieres saber cómo puedes ayudarlo durante esta etapa.   También haz cambios pequeños para mejorar su calidad de vida como pareja.  Hacer ejercicios, comer más saludable y compartir actividades puede ser un buen comienzo. Explorar tu espiritualidad y la de tu esposo también puede ser de ayuda, y encontrar personas o grupos que compartan esos mismos intereses puede ser una manera de mantenerse motivados.Si tienes más preguntas o preocupaciones sobre el tema, ofrezco teleterapia en Texas y Consejería Tradicional en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478 para más información.

Instruct: How does a person start the counseling process? Output: Usually people call me by phone, they introduce themselves, we chat for a bit, then we schedule a time for their appointment

Instruct: How does a person start the counseling process? Output: Hello. Usually the person interested in therapy reaches out to the therapist, by telephone or email.  I like to respond with appreciation for their making contact and ask if they are available for a phone consultation in order to see how I may be able to help.  Once we are on the phone, I like to get a brief sense of what's happening in their life and the way in which I respond and the way we communicate will give each of us a sense of whether our dynamic is appealing enough to take the next step.  And the next step is making an appointment.  Also in the initial conversation, you can feel free to ask what their therapeutic modality is or give a brief scenario and ask how the therapist might respond to that situation.  I encourage you to be fearless in "interviewing" the therapist.  This is one of the most sacred connections of trust you could be about to forge, so if you don't feel comfortable, move on to the next therapist on your list.  If the connection feels good to you, then it's worth it to make the first appointment.  You will immediately know if you don't feel comfortable speaking with this person.  But if you DO feel comfortable, heard, validated even in that short conversation, I encourage you to make the appointment.  Once you're in the first session, you can continue to assess through how your feeling and responding, just how comfortable you are or are not. Just keep listening to yourself every step of the way!

Instruct: I'm feeling rejected and frustrated. This is not new. The first month we were together, sex was about every day. Then it slowed down to once a month right away. I love my husband, but I am struggling with this. Output: This could have many different origins. Have you tried asking him about it? Sometimes starting with asking whether he would be open to having an important discussion can be a good beginning. If that starts well, perhaps continuing with something like "I've noticed that we haven't been together intimately (or whatever phrasing works for you) as much lately. Can you tell me more about what it's like for you?"When asking questions like this, it usually helpful to not overuse (and perhaps try to avoid using) the word "why." That word tends to trigger really strong emotional reactions in people. Try starting with "what makes" Instead. For example, "what made you choose not to do that?"

Instruct: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac. I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years. I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling? Output: Everyone has topics to discuss when they start therapy.   There is no correct number of topics.youSometimes people go to therapy for one specific area of their life.   Not everyone has the time or interest to utilize therapy just when a significant topic arises in their life.Since you are one person, no matter how many or few topics you would like to address in therapy, all the topics relate to you.Possibly the result of your therapy will be more transformational than if you talked only on one topic.  Lucky you, to be on the cusp of clearing and resolving many vulnerabilities at once.   You will feel brand new by the time you finish your therapy work!

Instruct: My boyfriend and I have been arguing every night about the same thing. He also tells me that if I go visit my mother out of state he will be gone when I get back. He and my mother do not get along. What should I do? Output: It's ultimately your decision whether or not you go to see your mother. I'm not sure whether talking with her on the phone or through some videoconferencing application (such as Skype) would be something you could do in the meantime until you sort out what you want to do.Some things I wonder are:What makes the two of them not get along?What makes him feel threatened or on edge if you visit your mother without him? What does he think will happen?What is he getting out of trying to choose for you?What is he so afraid of?If you decide to talk about these things with your boyfriend, try to do the following:Consider using questions that start with the words who, what, where, when, and not why. The word why can be really difficult for some people to answer because the word itself triggers an emotional reaction.Try to ask him if the two of you can discuss this in a way that you can just ask more questions about what he is experiencing. If you can listen without being defensive about what you think and feel, you may understand more about where you boyfriend is coming from.Remember that understanding what he means does not mean that you have to agree with what he is saying.Maybe he would be willing to listen to what you are experiencing and ask questions about that as you did for him. It would be good to do this in a way similar to what an investigative reporter would do and asking questions that cannot be answered in a yes or no format and require more information.I'm sure this is putting you in a very tough place. If you would like to talk to someone more directly about the details, consider seeing a local mental health professional.

Instruct: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac. I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years. I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling? Output: Most clients have many issues that need working out. It is normal to have many events in our lives that trouble us and remain with us without counseling help. The right type of counsellor will help you focus on the main and most troubling issue you have first and work your way through all that you are managing step by step, goal by goal. Sometimes, working on  one issue helps to bring other issues to light in the context of your main problem. This can help you resolve some other issues that are connected. Look for someone with experience and specialty in your most pressing issue...even though you have had breast cancer, you may find that grief from your past is more troubling. Then you would look for a bereavement or grief specialist.

Instruct: I'm transgender, I know I am, but I've only told a few friends. I know I can't tell my family because of previous conversations we've had. They just wouldn't accept it. My gender dysphoria is getting really difficult to deal with on my own. I need some strategies for dealing with it. What should I do? Output: Hi. It can be difficult to handle such a transition on your own. I work with clients to understand their needs and wants. This can involve how to communicate effectively with friends, family, and other loved ones; or, learning how to have self-acceptance. I strongly recommend speaking with a licensed clinician one on one to help facilitate the change you are looking for. 

Instruct: Every winter I find myself getting sad because of the weather. How can I fight this? Output: Seasonal depression can be difficult due to the weather being a primary trigger. Understanding that we have very little control over the weather, therefore we can focus on the things we can change. Exercising, meditation, guided imagery, and deep breathing can be beneficial to combat seasonal depression. It may help to join a support group and seek out therapy to assist you on this healing journey.

Instruct: I need help dealing with stress. How can I handle it all and feel less stressed out? Output: In case you feel some relief to know you're feeling the tone of our times.We live with crumbling of our values which then gives rise to insecurity everywhere.  If someone doesn't know what their values are then its difficult to do anything, and right now everyday we hear uncertainty in what used to be our basic assumptions.You're more normal for noticing and feeling stressed than if you imagine life felt fine the way it is!One road to take is to accept that there are no clear roads forward.  This means to change long term goals into shorter ones.Also, in general the more focused you can be as to your particular wishes, motivations, interests, and people about whom you care, the greater will be your sense of confidence that your personal world is as secure as it can be for right now.And, it helps too to know that nothing lasts forever, eventually all of what is up in the air will start to land in a much more clear way.

Instruct: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? Output: Hello, and thank you for your question. Nervousness, when doing something new, especially something sexual that can feel so personal, is very common. Indeed, despite the fact that nervousness can be uncomfortable, it is also part of the excitement of trying something new. Many people who engage in open, polyamorous, and/or other-type relationships, will tell you that difficult feelings, such as jealousy and anger, do show up sometimes. This doesn't prove that there is something wrong with the relationship, it just shows that you retain normal human emotions while in one. And many people who are in polyamorous relationships have written about the work it sometimes takes to make such relationships work. Of course, all relationships take work, so polyamorous and other types of relationships are simply not an exception. There could be several reasons why you are feeling the way you do. One reason could be that you are simply not as comfortable with the idea as you think you are. Some time and good communication with your husband may help you with this. Another reason this may be bothering you is because, on some level, you are aware of the messages society gives us about marriages. They are supposed to be monogamous, heterosexual, etc. etc. Just because you may not agree with these beliefs doesn't mean that you haven't been influenced by them. We all have. Another reason this may be upsetting you is because it may feel a little frightening. Perhaps there are a lot of "What ifs" going on in your mind. When you get the "empty" feeling, it may be helpful to try to really nail down the emotions that are attached to that feeling. One thing that I do think is very important is that you communicate these feelings to your husband. It may even be a good idea to talk about expectations or "ground rules", if you will. It is important that you are both on the same page about what this is, and why you are doing it. If you continue to struggle, I suggest finding a counselor who has experience in sex and sexuality.  I wish you well.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPCC, NCC

Instruct: I'm a male in my 20s. My girlfriend is in her late 30s. She's great. She's funny and smart, she has a big heart, and we have an excellent sex life. She recently moved in with me partially because she wanted to and partially because she had no place to go. We fight a lot. It’s mostly my fault, I must admit. She doesn't like my insecurity and lack of trust I have for her. I have trust issues. Also, I can't fathom why a woman like her is with me, so I'm always dreading when a better dude will come along. I don't think she's happy. She's very submissive and she loves me very much, but also the fact that she has nowhere to go must be influencing her decision to stay. I love her so much, but my jealousy is not likely to diminish. I never believed in the whole "If you love them, let them go," but I do now. I really want her to be happy. Should I end it with her? She has no place to go so I feel like I can’t break up with her. I’m literally trapped. Output: Are you possibly mixing up an impulse to nurture and protect someone, such as by offering housing, and your own need to feel loved and appreciated as a romantic partner?Maybe your feeling of jealousy is really your awareness of a reasonable need to be loved by a partner.Even though you are quite detailed in your description of your partner, one piece which is missing, is whether you feel you are loved by her.Maybe too, what she considers your insecurity, is really her unwillgness to love you.It's always easier to put distance between two people by insulting them.I hope this gives you a few new ways to look at your situation.A few therapy sessions, either by yourself or together w your gf, would give you more chance to know more deeply what it is you are facing.

Instruct: How does a counselor decide when to end counseling sessions or to terminate working with a client? Output: As a therapist who believes in client self-determination above most other elements of the process, I want to as much as possible leave it up to the client to determine when they are finished. In the case of a termination because a client's distress has resolved, I might periodically check in with the client about how therapy has been going, and if we want to re-evaluate where we are.The more unfortunate situation would come about if I felt that I wasn't the best fit for the client. I would offer that in words, and ideas of therapists (with names) of who I thought might be a better fit and why. It still is up to the client whether to continue, however should they want to keep seeing me, a part of the work would be about that want (to see someone who professionally doesn't believe they can help as much as someone else.)I also find it perplexing when I hear a client (or on a personal level) tell me that their therapist said they "didn't need therapy." I don't know that I buy into that scenario all that much, because I do believe that yes, not everyone NEEDS therapy, but that everyone CAN benefit from therapy and I don't believe it is the therapist's job to deter someone from ever seeking out help of any kind.

Instruct: Does counseling really do anything that can help people? Output: There are multiple ways that counseling helps people. The most basic is that it gives you someone to talk to about and through what you are facing. It is better than a friend because this is a space for your stuff and you get to focus on what you need and don't have to worry about the other side. This is also a place where you do not have to worry about how else the other person is involved in the situation. Beyond this basic level, a counselor will have expertise they can bring in terms of how people, including you, can effectively deal with this kind of situation. The counselor may also be aware of connections that you would not otherwise see. A good counselor will also recognize if and when you need other help or support in the situation. Why wouldn't you benefit from having someone walk with you in your journey to peace and wholeness.

Instruct: Does counseling really do anything that can help people? Output: I believe that counseling (and finding a GOOD therapist) will be of significant help when the individual seeking therapy desires change, improvement, and overall growth. Most counseling involves homework and a level of commitment outside of session that also contributes to resolution of problems and an ability to cope with stresses in a productive way. Here are some of the key ways that therapy can help. 1. Helps to define the problem and gain a clearer understanding of where it originates. Many people seek counseling because of symptoms they are experiencing. These can include feeling sad, increased sleeping, substance use, panic attacks, self-harm, isolating one’s self, academic decline, etc. Often times, people are not aware of what is causing these symptoms. Having a therapist to help guide and explore why the symptoms are occurring and where they come from will give individuals increased insight and awareness into their problems. 2. Allows for a safe outlet to vent. Not everyone likes to share their problems with close friends or family members. Maybe they don’t want others to know of their flaws. Maybe they don’t want to burden others with their problems. Or maybe they just are not comfortable talking about themselves. And in some situations people do not have the option of talking with someone they know because they have no friends or family. While talking with those we know can help bring some relief it is also nice to talk with someone like a therapist who is objective and emotionally removed from given situations. Counseling gives a safe outlet in which one can express their personal feelings and thoughts without feeling judged. 3. Counselors can offer various problem solving solutions. A good therapist usually will not directly point their client in the direction they need to go. Counseling is about growth and teaching the client to identify triggers and use effective coping strategies that will bring about emotional and psychological relief. Counselors will help clients to explore the various options available in given situation, based on the client’s needs, wants, and values and will help them to choose the option that best fits with their desired outcome. 4. Gives one the tools needed to cope with current and future problems. Many individuals that seek therapy have never learned good coping strategies. Perhaps they did not have parents or caretakers to model productive ways to cope or maybe the symptoms they are suffering from are overbearing and take away the energy needed to cope. Different diagnoses require different tools; however some are beneficial for any problem and any individual. These include but are not limited to relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, development of healthy routines, using mindfulness, improving communication skills, and recognizing and changing maladaptive thought patterns. A good counselor will teach clients how to use these tools, will often practice them during session, and will assign homework for further practice and mastery of the skills.

Instruct: When they come home from their dad's and I fuss at them for anything, they move like they are dodging being hit. They say they’re sorry over and over really fast. I ask and they say no one has hit them, and I've seen no marks. Am I being paranoid or am I right to be? Output: It sounds like your children are walking on eggshells, and behaving in a manner that suggests that (at minimum) they may be receiving an undue amount of anger from someone in their lives. In addition to addressing this delicately with your children's father, it would be wise to speak with your children's teachers and pediatrician as well. Please closely  monitor the situation, and express to your children that they can always come to you with any information, and they will never be in trouble for confiding in you.

Instruct: My mother takes care of niece whom my sister abandoned. She calls me every day complaining, but I don't want to hear it anymore. Output: Then one day when life between you and mom feels calm, tell your mom that you aren't able to listen to her complaints about your sister.The truth exists whether or not it is acknowledged.   Bu acknowledging what feels real and necessary in your life, you are helping your mom see what she may not like to see and what nevertheless is right in front of her.There is no good reason or good to come of hiding your own truth about not wishing to continue listening to your mom complain.

Instruct: How do I decide if I should end my relationship with my boyfriend? Output: That you are questioning if you should end your relationship with your boyfriend tells me that you are unhappy with him. Spend sometime by yourself exploring the reasons for that unhappiness. Are these things likely to change or not?

Instruct: How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? Output: You should like and trust your counselor. Sounds like a big ole “DUH”. But you will not believe the number of people I have met with that have described their past counselor as “totally opposite than me” or someone who “didn’t get me” or “had totally opposing beliefs as me”. Suggestion to the masses, do your research prior to entering counseling! If you are someone who often cusses and is abrasive, you might not want to pick the counselor who is highly professional and uses sophisticated language throughout their site. Pick someone who is more in line with your personality and wants for your future.And even if you do your research beforehand and figure out you aren’t vibing after a few sessions, that’s okay! Let your counselor know this, and who knows there might be something that can be done to make you feel more comfortable or maybe there isn’t. But the good thing to note is that there are thousands of human helpers in your city and your counselor would be happy to provide you with a referral to a better fitting therapist.View full post here: https://www.therapybyshannon.com/blog-2/2019/1/14/7-things-counseling-should-and-shouldnt-be

Instruct: I want us all to get along, but feel that I am not being respected. Of course I do have some insecurities because he was with his ex for 8 years. He wants to see his step daughter and ex makes it so he has to go there to see her, but she doesn't want me around. She has a boyfriend, but mine fixes their vehicles, goes over once a week and hangs out with the ex and does family things with her. Since he works nights, I only see him parts of Friday-Sunday and we live together. He won't let me use his phone when I forgot mine, says his ex used to mess with it. I don't think he's cheating, but he will lie about what time he actually left her place to come home or about going over early to be with them. I feel like the other woman. She has tried to mess with holiday plans by restricting when he can see the child. He only dated once person before her, so this could be why. I don't feel he has let go enough. He is a wonderful boyfriend other than this. Output: How much of your unhappiness with your boyfriend's way of handling himself regarding his ex, have you told him?The topics that upset you are the core of any intimate relationship.The good news is your own awareness of priorities and expectations from a partner.There may not be any bad news, depending on whether your boyfriend has the interest to adjust what he does regarding the ex.Talking the matters you list, may open a lot of emotion and become sidetracked very easily.A couples' therapist, whose focus is on the couple, not either of you as individuals, may be useful to you and your boyfriend so that you are able to complete your discussions without getting lost by the emotions raised.

Instruct: Does counseling really do anything that can help people? Output: Yes, counseling helps a lot of people, especially when there is a good rapport between the counselor and their client. Knowing your counselor is someone who is really on your side and wants to see you grow past your difficulties into a healthy, happy, successful life is more important than what kind of counseling method they use. If you are looking for a counselor, take your time and be sure you feel heard and respected as well as challenged to grow.

Instruct: Often times I find myself thinking scary thoughts and sometimes I even scare myself into thinking that something bad is going to happen to me. Once it starts, the thought continues going through my head and I can't get it out. How can I stop these thoughts? Output: Scary thoughts can feel overwhelming at times as well as feeling quite real. I want to acknowledge how scary they can feel, but there is hope and new skills you can learn to work with these types of thoughts. The first step in working with scary or negative thoughts is to acknowledge that they are just thoughts and we can choose to follow the scary thought streams or work with cutting them off or ignoring them. I also realize that might seem really hard to do, but here's a good way to think about the brain and how thought patterns work. Thoughts arise in the mind all the time, our brain is a thought machine. Many thoughts drift by like clouds and we don't pay any attention while other thoughts arise and they trigger us in a particulate way, i.e., scary, angry, happy, sad, and when those thoughts arise we can chose to pay more attention to the thought which can lead us down that particulate thought stream that will lead to fear and anxiety. So, how do we work or stop those scary thought streams? One new skill to implement comes from the work of Rick Hansen, he wrote the book Buddha's Brain," he teaches that we need to give more energy and attention to the positive thoughts or positive memories we hold in our mind and pay less attention to the negative thoughts. Hansen asks us to imagine the brain this way, the brain is like Velcro with negative thoughts and like teflon when it comes to positive thoughts. There are reasons that our brain works this way, but I don't have time to go into all of that in this response. So, it's just important to remember we have to work at positive thinking, actually pausing throughout the day to focus on positive feelings and memories,  this will help the mind reinforce positive thought streams and help reduce negative thought streams over time. If a scary thought arises try to replace it with a happy experience for at least a couple of moments, and see if that helps reduce the negative charge connected with that scary thought.

Instruct: He is verbally abusive. When he gets mad, he just yells at me. At times, I feel scared. Output: Good for you on recognizing your own feelings.  Often in an abusive relationship, the person who is being abused, starts doubting themselves and starts tolerating, then accepting abuse.Marriage is based in love and feeling taken care of by the partner.  Feeling scared is the opposite of this.If you feel ready, tell him the way you feel and pay attention to how willing your husband is to being aware that he yells and that you feel scared.If he has no idea of what you're talking about, doesn't want to understand what you feel, then slowly take steps to understand within yourself whether or not tolerating your husband's behavior is acceptable to live with on an everyday basis.

Instruct: I constantly feel like everyone is up against me and trying their best to shut me down. It's ruining my mood and even my whole self. I have trouble sleeping, and I keep having sleep paralysis while dreaming of others mocking and judging me. Output: The problem you describe sounds very wearing on your spirit.Are there particular reasons for why you feel everyone hates you?Have you been in a clash of ideas or opinions and feel yourself in the minority viewpoint?Or does your sense of being shut out start within your own mind, as though you anticipate that others will not like what you say?If actual conversations are leading you to feel left out, then evaluate whether to bring up certain points to the other person.Or, you may also decide that the relationships in which you feel shut out, are no longer worthwhile ones for you.If the problem is hesitating to interact because you imagine others will reject you, then maybe you can coach yourself into trying a small step toward introducing yourself and your thoughts to others.

Instruct: I'm going through some things with my feelings and myself. I barely sleep and I do nothing but think about how I'm worthless and how I shouldn't be here. I've never tried or contemplated suicide. I've always wanted to fix my issues, but I never get around to it. How can I change my feeling of being worthless to everyone? Output: I first want to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings and there is always someone there to help. You can always change your feelings and change your way of thinking by being open to trying to change. You can always make yourself available to learning new things or volunteering so that you can make a purpose for yourself.

Instruct: When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared. I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do? Output: What you're experiencing is anxiety, it's actually quite common. Good news - you're not alone in this experience! That being said, it can be so frustrating and upsetting to have to contend with the anxious thoughts that come up in our heads, sometimes without any warning. Additionally, nighttime is a particularly vulnerable time for a lot of people wherein anxiety rears its' ugly head even more so. We aren't as distracted at night and our resources are more depleted so we can't fight back against these thoughts as effectively as usual. It can be helpful to externalize our anxiety, give it a name, like "Judy" or "Bill" for example (or perhaps something more sinister like Lord Garmadon??). The naming is all up to you, what comes to mind for you when you think of your anxiety, now what is a name that's fitting? The act of externalizing separates us from the anxiety a bit and makes it a little more tolerable. If you can think of your anxiety as just something else to handle rather than it being a part of your personality, this is usually helpful. Additionally, I recommend not avoiding the situations that make you feel this way. Our brains have to learn what is an actual threat and what is not. Right now, your brain thinks that crowds are a threat, if you can practice some deep breathing and stay in the crowd, you will start to teach (or rewire) your brain, letting it know that the crowd is not dangerous to you. Think of your brain as an overprotective parent. Your brain is overreacting in these situations to try and keep you safe. It just needs to learn that the situation is not a danger to begin with.

Instruct: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac. I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years. I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling? Output: Hello there,No one has too many issues to address in counseling. Once you start counseling, your therapist will help you identify which issues to start working on first and which are causing you the most distress. Once you and your therapist prioritize your concerns, you can start to address each concern, starting with the one causing the most distress for you.

Instruct: My ex-fiancé (whom I am still seeing) left me because of the pressure from all three of his teenage daughters. They wanted him to try to work it out with their mom (his ex-girlfriend of 20 years). He and I split three months ago, but I have been seeing him pretty regularly despite the fact that he is living back with his ex-girlfriend and kids. He is "co-existing" for the kids and fighting all the time with his ex-girlfriend. His daughters don’t want their dad with me because my two boys (grown adults and on their own now) had bad reputations and issues with drugs. His daughters say it is embarrassing for him to be with me. He and I had an absolutely amazing relationship and connect on so many levels. He is getting a lot of pressure from his family and his longtime friends to "do the right thing" and stay with his ex-girlfriend for the kids. He says he wants me to wait. We were going get married last year. He bought me a $1000 dress, we had invitations made, and everything set up, but then his girls told him they'd never speak to him again if he married me. He says he’s trying to mend his relationship with them. Output: Hello. It seems you are in a set of circumstances that are highly uncomfortable for you. Do you feel those circumstances are healthy? Do you find pleasure being in such a place of uncertainty? Why do you continue to be in this situation? Without meaning to appear that I might be lacking in compassion, you do have the option to leave the connection completely if the harm it is doing is more that the pleasure it brings you. Is there a benefit to being in this relationship? Do you consider this situation to be for your highest good? Is it healthy to be involved in something that is not likely healthy or perhaps could even be seen as dysfunctional? In truth, only you can decide the answers to these very important questions. I would encourage you to think of who benefits by being in this situation, and how you might be able to find happiness in other relationships that are healthier and more positive. In my clinical view based on what I read, this particular relationship does not carry the joy I am sure you want, nor the healthy interactions you would expect in a functional romantic engagement with another person.Beating yourself up about potentially wasting all this time waiting for the other person to come around will not serve a positive purpose. It likely will only lower your self-esteem. There is a time to wait to see how things develop, and a time to move on to other experiences. You are the one to make that choice, but I would encourage you to connect with your inner higher self, for the most clear answer. Chances are, you already know the answer, you just need to embrace it. Getting in touch with a counselor in your area can also help ferret out some of the deeper issues that you might not have felt comfortable expressing here.

Instruct: I feel like I'm ugly, stupid, useless, and that I can't make anyone happy. Output: Check out my blog post on:  Four-ways-add-self-esteem-friends-list/I hope this offers you some nuggets of helpfulness!

Instruct: When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. Output: It may be helpful to register for a class you can take together. I would recommend mindful meditation or yoga, just the two of you. Something you find time for in a weekly basis. Yoga is amazing in learning mindfulness and reducing stress. I use yoga and mindful techniques when working with children and recommend it to parents to engage with their children. Hope this helps.

Instruct: I'm in my early 20s. I've worked since two months after I turned 18. I have “plans.” I could become an electrician, or I could operate heavy machinery. I have goals, but I do nothing to try to meet them because I don't feel I can. I just want a better life for my fiancée and the kids than I did. Output: For starters, commend yourself for being committed to working. You have no idea what is going to happen in the next second, so focusing on thinking you will never have a good career or amount to anything financially is creating a fictitious story.  Remind yourself of that every time the thought pops up.  The false belief that nothing good will happen is sucking out energy you can use on pursuing your career dreams. Next, do you know what you need to do to become an electrician or heavy machinery operator? If not, find out. Then, set up a realistic schedule for yourself to accomplish the steps. As you accomplish each step, see your progress.  Notice that you are moving closer to your goal.  Every day remind yourself why you are pursuing this career.  In fact, write it down and tape it on your bathroom mirror.  When you start to feel discouraged, remember your goal and remind yourself that you have no idea if you'll make it or not but you are going to give it everything you have to find out. Anything worth pursuing is going to take a lot of persistence and hard work. Stay with it! You and your family are worth it!

Instruct: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. Output: It seems like you are very receptive of your husband’s emotions and want to support him trough this time.  But it is also important of being aware of your emotions.  How are you feeling after the suicide attempt?  It is common to experience negative feelings while you try to make sense of the incident.  Feelings like anger, shame, guilt and fear are frequent; while, wanting to avoid, minimize and become distant from the person are parts of the defense mechanism to attempt a quick resolution.  Once you understand and overcome those feelings you may be in a better position to help your husband; who may be experiencing some negative feelings as well.First, it is important to have a safety plan in place, which includes removing harming objects from the home, knowing who to call if there’s a new attempt (either 9-1-1, or nearby treatment center), have a professional expert who monitors you and your husband’s progress, either a Counselor or mental health provider could help you manage negative feelings and identify ways to handle triggering situations.Once the safety plan is in place,  make him feel supported and not judged, saying open ended statements, like: “I am glad that you are here, please let me know what I can do to help you through this process”.  Making small changes toward a healthier living may help as well.  Exercising, eating healthier and practicing new leisure activities may be good ways to start.  Also, explore your spirituality and your husbands, looking for ways to encourage each other by joining a support group or finding people who share your spiritual beliefs.If you have more questions or concerns I offer teletherapy in the State of Texas, and traditional Counseling in Puerto Rico, call 787-466-5478. ¿Cómo puedo ayudar a mi esposo después de un intento de suicidio?Después de que el llego a casa del hospital estaba enojado, luego por un tiempo maravilloso.  Ahora está deprimido y sin ánimos.Parece que estas muy atenta a los sentimientos de tu esposo, y que lo deseas ayudar durante este momento de su vida.  Pero también es importante estar consciente de tus propias emociones.  ¿Cómo te has sentido luego de este intento de suicidio?   Es común que experimentes emociones negativas mientras los recientes sucesos hacen sentido.   Sentimientos como coraje, vergüenza, culpa y miedo son comunes, y el querer evitar, minimizar o distanciarte son mecanismos de defensa igualmente comunes.  Ya que comprendas y superes estos sentimientos,  estarás en una mejor posición para ofrecerle ayuda, recuerda que tu esposo también debe de estar experimentando sentimientos negativos. Es muy importante tener un plan de seguridad, esto incluye remover todos los objetos que pueden ser dañinos o facilitar un futuro atentado, saber a quién llamar en caso de una emergencia (9-1-1 o una clínica de emergencias cercana),  tener un experto que monitoree tu progreso y el de tu esposo, puede ser un Consejero u otro experto de salud mental que te ayude a manejar los sentimientos negativos y situaciones retantes.Ya que el plan de seguridad sea activado, crea un ambiente donde tu esposo se sienta apoyado y no juzgado.  Utiliza frases abiertas para comunicarte, dile que estas feliz de que este contigo, y quieres saber cómo puedes ayudarlo durante esta etapa.   También haz cambios pequeños para mejorar su calidad de vida como pareja.  Hacer ejercicios, comer más saludable y compartir actividades puede ser un buen comienzo. Explorar tu espiritualidad y la de tu esposo también puede ser de ayuda, y encontrar personas o grupos que compartan esos mismos intereses puede ser una manera de mantenerse motivados.Si tienes más preguntas o preocupaciones sobre el tema, ofrezco teleterapia en Texas y Consejería Tradicional en Puerto Rico, llama al 787-466-5478 para más información.

Instruct: My ex-boyfriend, will not stop harassing and stalking me. We work together. I honestly think he needs help to move on. His accusations are angry lies. But I think he may believe them to be true. Output: The specific laws about this will vary from state to state.  Generally, the only way to "force" someone to get mental health care is if they pose an imminent theft of harm to themself or someone else, or if they are unable to care for themself.  More importantly, is dealing with your safety.  Most states have laws that make stalking a crime. You might want to think about filing a police report and obtaining a restraining order against him.  You could also think about contacting a local counselor. While you can't force him to get help with moving on from the relationship, counseling could help you to deal with what is going on.

Instruct: I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. Output: What an important question. I'm hearing your hopelessness and fear about the damage of your substance use and it sounds like you have reason for concern. While there can be negative stigma about using substances, for the most part substance use is an attempt to cope with emotional distress in the absence of sufficient coping strategies. We all look for comfort when we are in pain and this may be the way that you are getting comfort - even though it is also hurting you. In order to stop using alcohol and weed you will need a lot of support and you will need to learn other ways of getting comfort when you are in pain or struggling with bipolar related symptoms. There is nothing to be ashamed of and we all need help when we are struggling. I would encourage you to reach out for support in any way that you can. Have you talked with your health care providers about your concerns or friends or family members? Here are some links of resources in Whistler that may be helpful:http://www.vch.ca/locations-and-services/find-health-services/?program_id=11035http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/service/9509054_9509054/whistler_mental_health_and_addictionshttp://mywcss.org/programs/counselling-assistance/http://redbookonline.bc211.ca/organization/9489472/alcoholics_anonymous_aa___squamishwhistler

Instruct: I went to my ex-boyfriend to reach out to one of his high school friends who's attempted to commit suicide. When I went to him to reach out to his high school friend, he told me that I put him in a terrible position and put an enormous load on his shoulders. He was very angry that I went to him to do that. Am I in the wrong for going to him to reach out? He helped me so much with my depression and bad habits, so that's why I thought of him to reach out. He made me feel awful for thinking highly of him to help. Why did he react this way towards me? I think he's being selfish. Output: I'm glad you think so highly of your boyfriend and his ability to be there when you would like to talk about things that are important to you.I see why you would want them to reach out. I also wonder about how close he was with his friend and what he thought you meant when you asked him to reach out. It sounds as if he is thinking that doing so would mean that he is responsible for his friend's well-being, although I can't say that for certain.Would you be willing to have a discussion with your boyfriend where for a few minutes (five minutes or so), you ask him about what made him react that way? During this time, try to listen and ask questions is if you are an investigative reporter and are trying to learn more about his experience. You can also summarize what you are hearing to make sure that you understand it as he does. This does not mean that you have to agree with what you say, but just that you follow. I hear you saying that you think he's being selfish. I'm suggesting that just during this conversation, you ask questions to focus on what he is thinking and feeling. In one sentence, the goal would be to learn more about his experience.I would not be at all surprised if he is scared.Are you aware of what kind of support he wants through this time?

Instruct: I found out my boyfriend takes anti-depression medicine. Lately he's been saying he has a lot on his mind, and he needs time to think about us. We've only been dating 3 weeks but I like him a lot. Output: This seems like two questions.  The first is what may have happened to prompt him to back off.  The second is what it means to you to have a boyfriend who takes anti-depression medication who says he has "a lot on his mind."  Both give you opportunity to look at yourself.  Having expectations can be a huge trap.  I write about this extensively in the first chapter of my book Living Yes (www.LivingYes.org).  Is there any way that you can enjoy your time together without expecting anything down the road?  Are there wonderful lessons for you to take from the relationship - even if it only lasts three weeks?  Can you create a mindset of gratitude for what is and let the future expectations (and future demands) go?  Are there new ways to communicate that might bring you together?  What are the lessons for you about allowing the relationship to develop its own course on its own time?  Again, let go of all expectations, and see what happens. That's what "Living Yes" requires.I am sure this will work out well for you - either with him or without him.  ~Mark  (www.MarkMorrisLCSW.com and www.LivingYes.org)

Instruct: How do I stop those thoughts? Output: The thoughts you are having are just thoughts.  Not actions.  It is your choice whether you act on these thoughts.  If you decide to explore having sex with adults of different genders that is great.  If you find yourself obsessed with sexual thoughts, you may want to see a cognitive-behavioural therapist.  Take care.

Instruct: My boyfriend of five years told me he cheated on me during our relationship after we broke up. We've since gotten back together and are trying to make it work. I don't know how to trust him now, but I really want to make it work, and it seems like he does too. But my trust issues are getting in the way and causing problems. Output: Hi Michigan,This is a common issue. How do you trust after you know someone is capable of hurting you? I totally get that it's hard, and I believe it's worth it if you truly love and want to be with someone. You can be stronger in the scarred places. I would suggest that you each have a separate job to do to rebuild this trust. It is definitely possible to rebuild it, because anything is possible if both people want it enough.Your boyfriend came clean to you...this is pretty crucial. He chose to honour your needs rather than keep the secret. You can use that as evidence in your "proof that he loves me" file. Work on that file...thicken it up. Having a thick "he does care about me and wouldn't hurt me again" file will help you. Other things that he can do to help you thicken that file (because after all, his behaviours caused this problem): answer all your questions, don't brush you off if you're feeling insecure, treat you as though you're a priority, avoid questionable contact with other women, have open communication, give you passwords to devices so there is transparency. He can help you to understand where those behaviours came from...why he cheated in the first places (although people aren't always good with those 'why' questions!)You can focus on telling yourself that people change, that he deserves a chance to show you he can be loyal (or at least you've decided to give him that chance), and that you want to be a trusting person. If you act like a trusting person, you will likely feel more like one. Don't go snooping, don't interrogate him. It's normal you might feel scared and try to tell him that when you do. Let him know what happens that leads to you feeling scared.This is a start for you. A good therapist can be helpful too!

Instruct: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac. I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years. I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling? Output: Absolutely not. It sounds like you have significant trauma and it will continue to impact your depression until it is dealt with. Everybody has issues, though some more traumatic than others yet it is best to just start somewhere. I would encourage you to begin counseling and work through some of your history at your own pace in order to begin to impact and reduce your depressive symptoms.

Instruct: I'm a teenager and I've been sneaking out of my house at night for a year now. I've been caught several times. I want to stop doing this but I don't know where to start. How do I stop? Output: When you say you've "been caught", I am assuming that means your parents know you've been sneaking out.  If that's the case, could you ask for their help?  Sometimes just knowing someone else is holding you accountable really makes a difference.  That could be as simple as Dad checking in on you at, say, 2 am, just to make sure you are where you are supposed to be.If you are sneaking  out to hang out with friends, find another way to connect with them - if they are truly friends they will want to support you in your resolution to stay put at night.  Maybe you can ask for their support by telling them to stop including you in late night plans.There is likely a reason you were sneaking out, but there's a reason you want to stop too - so get support.  No one changes hard habits on their own!Best of luck to you - you can do this and it will help you change other things in the future.

Instruct: He isn't violent, but he has anger issues and deep insecurities. He's working on them and has improved. We started counseling, and he participated in one or two individual sessions, but we broke up again shortly thereafter. Now his constant questions and accusations are getting really draining. Output: Hello and thank you for your question. I worked for a number of years with people who have been both abused in their relationships and those who have been abusive. Being involved in a relationship with a partner who does the behaviors you describe can be incredibly difficult, and many would argue is even harder than overcoming actual physical violence. I was a little confused about whether you're are still broken up with this person or if you are still thinking about it. I am going to assume you are still undecided. Some of the things you are describing sound like emotional abuse. Even without physical abuse, being emotionally abused can still be traumatizing. When partners question and accuse, they are often trying to exercise power and control over their partners by hurting them with unfounded accusations.  The accusations serve to make someone feel guilty and to manipulate them. For example, if your partner accuses you of cheating when you go out bowling with friends, you may elect not to go bowling just to satisfy your partner and prevent a fight from occurring. The person being accused or questioned often tries to prove over and over again that they have done nothing wrong, but it doesn't matter. And that brings me to the point of what some people who experience these behaviors do in order to start feeling like they have some power again. Here are just a few things:1. They realize there is no right answer. Trying to be logical with someone who doesn't want to be logical doesn't work. Many people simply stop trying to defend themselves against false accusations because there was no answer that would satisfy their partner anyway. In addition, the rules of the relationship seem to change on a daily basis, and what may be okay with your partner one day may make them angry the next. And this can leave people constantly feeling like they are on eggshells.  2. The find support. Finding a support group or a group of people who remind you on a daily basis that you are a decent person is always a good idea. One of the things that can happen when we are with someone who does emotionally abusive things is begin to have a negative concept of ourselves. Surrounding yourself with people who remind you that you are a good person is a great idea. 3. They reinvest in themselves. Try to find some time for yourself. This couldn't possibly sound more cliché, but it is actually true. Whether that is taking up a new hobby or doing an old one. One thing that can happen when emotional abuse takes place in a relationship is the person being abused can begin to isolate and not do the things that make them enjoy life. Taking some time for the self can sometimes bring things into perspective.I don't know if you are still in counseling, but if you are and you are getting what you need then that is great. If not, there are others you can try. It's important to find the right fit. As for the question of whether or not you should leave your partner, that is a question that can only be answered by you. But you could ask yourself some questions  like these to help you decide:1. What are some of my values about relationships? Do I want Trust? Honesty? Ask yourself if you have these things in your relationship.2. Do I feel like this relationship brings out the best in me, or does it seem to bring me down?3. If I want to stay in this relationship, what are some specific things that need to change? Hope some of these suggestions help. Good luck to you. Be well.Robin Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

Instruct: I am divorced and happily remarried. Our blended family of children are in their 20s. My youngest, age 20, continues to call me crazy and favors her dad. He was abusive to me, and I left with injuries. He never wanted kids, and I did. He paid child support only through forced wage earners. Now my daughters favor him after all the sacrifices I made for them the past 15 years as a single mom. I don’t deny them a relationship with their dad, but to be called crazy and then watch them hang out with him hurts me to the very core. I’m not sure how to handle this. Output: It sounds really difficult to know that your daughter may be "choosing" her dad over you, perhaps I can help by saying her intense emotional reactions towards you actually acknowledge how much safer and connected she feels towards you. We tend to have big emotions around those we care for most. I would suggest to let her know how hard it is to hear that, and sad it make you feel at times, and that this is hard for everyone. Expressing your feelings to here, will allow her to express hers too. 

Instruct: I have so many issues to address. I have a history of sexual abuse, I’m a breast cancer survivor and I am a lifetime insomniac. I have a long history of depression and I’m beginning to have anxiety. I have low self esteem but I’ve been happily married for almost 35 years. I’ve never had counseling about any of this. Do I have too many issues to address in counseling? Output: Just go! You start with the most prevalent issue by talking with your therapist. Healing one issue can have a ripple effect and heal other issues as well.

Instruct: I terminated my counseling relationship with a social worker several years ago. I am now realizing that I would like to begin counseling again. The social worker’s voicemail message says that he returns calls in 24 hours, but he hasn't called me back. I called him on the weekend and made it clear that I want him to call me back. Can he just ignore me? Output: Yes, your former social worker should return your phone call.It is the professional ethic to do so and plain human decency to do so.If he doesn't, there is nothing you can directly do about the fact of his ignoring you.There are formal complaints you can make, which you can consider doing.What matters most is receiving social work service.Stick with looking for another social worker who is willing to help you.The self-doubts you mention may be worth examining.They do not, however excuse the social worker mishandling himself.

Instruct: When my daughter is stressed about a silly thing from school, she starts crying and freaking out. She is a bright student, always has a 4.0, but I am afraid she is stressing too much. I’m afraid it’s going to break her. I don't know if I should get her to a doctor or someone because this is not normal. Output: Watching children go through challenges in their lives is difficult. On a very basic level, There exists a primal need to protect them from harm. The hard part for parents is letting them feel those challenges and working through them as they get older. At some point, there is a moment that occurs when the role as a parent shifts. Children no longer need the basics (food, shelter. water, safety) as much as when they were toddlers, but rather, their needs shift to wanting more support, encouragement, advice, and room to make mistakes. This is where the ability to communicate with them, letting them direct the sails to gather the wind needed to move, is so important. Keep the lines of communication open and be available to give feedback when they ask for it.

Instruct: I found the guy I’m dating on dating websites. He was telling women that they were beautiful. He said it wasn’t him and that the phone was hacked. It has since happened two other times. He says he loves me and I’m the only girl he wants to be with, but I feel he is not telling me the truth. Output: I would suggest possibly talking about the type of relationship that both of you want to create. For example, you may want a relationship where honesty, listening, compassion, and romanticism are major parts. You could also see what your boyfriend wants.You may also consider taking five minutes to see if he will listen to your feelings about him being on the dating site and whether he can work to learn more about what you are experiencing with asking open-ended questions (not being answered with yes or no) and restating what you are saying to see if he has it right. After that, perhaps you could switch so that you can listen to his perspective for five minutes and learn more about what he is doing by asking open-ended questions.Remember that it takes two people to have  a relationship, so the choice is yours as to whether you choose to stay in the relationship and what kind of relationship you would like to have.

Instruct: Maybe this is a stupid question, but I sometimes don't know what's real or not. If feel at times like everyone's lying. How do I know if God is one of those lies? Output: Your question is actually thoughtful and reflects a true interest to know more about life.No one knows if god is a lie because "god" is a concept in which people either make up their own definition of this concept, or believe one of the concepts of what god is, handed down by religions.All the religions exclude the other god concepts, and expect loyalty to believing in their particular version of "god".Probably god is real in the sense that most people want to believe there is guided purpose to what goes on in life.This is as definite as what we can know about "god"."God" is not a lie because it is not a fact.  Beliefs aren't provable.

Instruct: When I'm in large crowds I get angry and I just can't deal with people. I don't really like other people (I prefer animals) they make me nervous and scared. I lay awake at night thinking and having conversations in my head and i almost always end up making myself feel terrible and crying, I have more conversions in my head than I do with actual people. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I feel this way. What should I do? Output: Since you're aware of your sensitivity to being among large groups of people, then continue to satisfy this and stay away from crowds as much as reasonably possible.It is also fine to prefer the companionship of animals, as long as it is not to the exclusion of relationships with people.Recognizing this feature about yourself is another example of self-understanding.The only point to consider is the reason you avoid talking with other people.If its because of bad or stressful encounters, betrayals or some type of violation, then having this relationship pattern remain in your mind, may introduce new problems such as loneliness from lack of close friends.What you should do is honestly understand whether you avoid people from fear of being hurt or exploited in some way or because you genuinely prefer solitude.If you have the right combination of people/solitude/animals, then great!If not, then consider the confidential office of a therapist for new understanding of yourself and your social interests.

Instruct: I have a friend that who I used to be in a relationship with. It was brief and turned into us being just good friends. I spent the weekend with him and it upset my boyfriend. Was i wrong? Output: This can be a very complicated situation. The boundaries of relationship include the rules to follow in the relationship. It is important to follow the rules of your relationship  in regards to each person being able to spend time with exes. If you and your boyfriend agree upon a rule about spending time with exes, then there should be no problem. 

Instruct: I'm in my mid 20s with a husband and children. I love my family, but I feel like I've lost my identity, and I don't know who I am other than a mom and wife. At times, all I can think is what I gave up and how I feel unhappy and trapped, but I know I'd feel like worse without them. I loathe myself at times. I have an amazing life, so why can't I just enjoy it? Output: It is not easy being a wife and mother. You have shifted roles in your life. You went from having a career to focusing on your family. Transitioning can be hard, especially when we feel we gave something up that we really wanted. I want to acknowledge you for wanting to be the best wife and mother you can. I think it is great that you are self-aware and want to work on this.Feeling "unhappy and trapped" may also mean that you are  believing these negative thoughts are absolutely true. We have lots and lots of thoughts throughout the day. Sometimes we pay a lot of attention to some and some we ignore. Right now these thoughts are getting a lot of your attention and perhaps you are thinking because you are thinking them they are true.  Is it really true that you trapped? You also said that you have an amazing life. It doesn't sound like you are only having negative thoughts. You have some positive ones, too. However, you are giving a lot of weight to the negative thoughts, more weight than the positive ones.I also wonder if you are struggling with the fact that you are even having this thought. One thing that can be helpful is to recognize that you are having a thought, that it is a negative thought, that thinking it does not make it true, and to let it go. This is the basis for mindfulness work that can be really helpful. It is a great place for you to start so you can balance out your thoughts and emotions.Best of luck to you!

Instruct: My dad is always, and I mean always, cussing and screaming at me for no reason at all. He makes me feel stupid. He also compares me to my other siblings in a negative way and demeans me. Is this abuse? Output: Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. Having said that, everyone gets upset once in awhile and may yell or scream, which can be disrespectful. You said "always, and I mean always" and that is troubling. If your dad curses and screams at you on a regular and consistent basis, it can (as you stated) impact the way you feel about yourself. While the definitions of child abuse differ from state to state, talking to someone can help. Perhaps there is a counselor at school, or another trustworthy person you could confide in to help you understand how this situation is impacting you? Counseling is a good option. There is also help available through the national hotline at 1-800-422-4453, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can call (press 1) and talk to a counselor while being anonymous. You can also check out this website: https://www.childhelp.org/hotline/resources-kids/I am sorry that you are going though this situation. There is help available. You do not have to go through this situation alone.

Instruct: I'm 17 and I'm sick and tired of going back and forth. I'd like to stay at my mother's house. This problem has really affected me. I've had anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts and self-harm in the past. Currently I'm going through anxiety and my thearapist is not available. How do I handle this? Output: Sounds like a lot is going on right now at such a young age. I'd start with discussing with mom your concerns and ideal situation. I'm unsure what prevents you from staying there, but whoever you are staying with, it should be brought to their attention. In regards to your anxiety attacks, deep breathing is always a benefits. I have a link you can use to help to do this online if you are interested. In addition, finding ways you usually cope with anxiety and what's worked before can help and if it isn't, exploring new way to calm you down can be beneficial. This is something you can speak with your therapist about going forward when they are available.In regards to feeling suicidal: I would call suicide prevention hotline (You can google them) if you truly feel the ideation is getting worse. They are professional agents who can speak with you about your ideation and help you through the process. Hope this helps.

Instruct: I’ve been on 0.5 mg of Xanax twice a day for the past month. It hasn't been helping me at all, but when I take 1 mg during a big anxiety attack, it calms me down. I was wondering how I can ask my psychologist to up the dose to 1 mg twice a day without her thinking I'm abusing them. I just have very big anxiety attacks. Should I stay on the 0.5mg and deal with the attacks or should I ask to up the dose? I'm afraid she will take me off them and put me on something else. Output: Hello, and thank you for your question. While counselors work closely with medical providers, and sometimes have discussions about medications with people, we rarely make recommendations about how much or what type of medication a person should be taking. This is because prescribing and advising on medication is out of our scope of practice. The only exception would be if a counselor is also a physician, nurse practitioner, physician's assistant, etc. Having said that, I certainly understand that anxiety is a real serious problem that many folks struggle with. If you are currently not in therapy to help you with these panic attacks, you should consider it. Medications can be helpful for anxiety, and medications like Xanax may help for immediate relief, but they do nothing to deal with the root of anxiety and may not help with anxiety long-term. Therapists who have experience in exposure therapies would be good people to start with. Exposure therapy has good outcomes for people with anxiety disorders and panic attacks. If you are interested in speaking with your provider about the Xanax, I think explaining it the way you did on here is just fine. The provider will then decide if they feel comfortable increasing your medication. Please remember that medical providers are not trying to give people a hard time. Medications like Xanax really are highly addictive. The more you take, the more you may feel you need. The more often you may feel you need to use it. Depending on the frequency and amount of use, some people suffer serious withdrawal symptoms when they do not take the medication. It is a good idea to talk to medical provider about all of those things so that you can partner on right course of action to manage this anxiety. I certainly hope that you get some relief.... I know anxiety is awful.Robin J. Landwehr, DBH, LPC, NCC

Instruct: My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is. Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal? Output: Hello.It sounds like you are really concerned about your daughter because you have noticed a significant change in her behavior .   It's really a great first step that you are reaching out to get some ideas about what might be going on .  You are clearly an observant and hands on  mom who wants to be sure that her daughter is ok.This is a tough question to answer without more information .  With that said , I have found that "under stress people regress."  In other words , many people , children and adults alike , often regress and behave differently - as if they were younger than their actual age - when under stress .   Therefore , my first question would be : has anything been happening recently that is causing your daughter stress ?  This could be anything from conflict at home , recent changes such as moving , divorce , a loss of some kind , switching schools , or losing a friend or friends .   Additionally , sometimes if children are feeling bullied or left out by same age peers , they may gravitate toward younger playmates as a way to boost their social confidence .    I would suggest that you think about what stressors / changes may have occurred recently.  You may also want to check in with her teacher (s) to see if they have noticed any changes in your daughter's behavior at school .I also think that you can have a conversation with your daughter in order to see if you can get a sense about whether or not something has been bothering her.  Something as simple as " I have noticed that you aren't spending time with the friends you used to hang out with ; it seems like you have been playing with a lot of younger kids lately .  Am I right about that ? " and then if she says yes you might ask a few questions such as : "did something happen with your friends that  is making you not want to be with them?" "Has something been bothering you lately ? Are you feeling upset or worried ? " If she denies that there is anything wrong you might even say " I know that sometimes when I feel stressed or worried , I tend to act a little differently - sometimes I withdraw from my regular group of friends , or I get cranky and feel less like myself .  I wonder if something like that is happening with you ?" If you are really concerned and not getting any answers from her and / or her teachers , perhaps you can consult with a therapist to discuss your concerns further and decide if it might  help for your daughter to talk to a therapist a few times , or at the very least you can get more specific tips from a therapist about how to approach this issue with your daughter more effectively . The more detail you can provide about what you have noticed with your daughter , including any changes or new stressors ,  any possible patterns to this behavior , if school has become more difficult socially and or academically , the more a therapist can guide you about how best to handle your concerns and talk with your daughter in a way that is helpful to her. Good luck!   I believe that this may just be a phase and it seems to me to be well within the normal range of children's behavior.  I do, though, think that you will feel more assured about this  if you can get to the bottom of what's going on .  

Instruct: I don't know what to say. I have never really known who I am. Output: The older I get, the more I believe that our real task isn't to 'find' ourselves. We're already 100% "there." What we do have to do is become more mindful of the times when we feel the most alive, most happy, most creative, and most fully engaged with life. It is in those moments that we find ourselves.For example, I couldn't help loving the people or things I loved, no matter who tried to talk me out of them. All I needed to do was notice when my heart opened and I felt the most alive--not because I was afraid or addicted, but because in those moments, I was in contact with my highest self. On the flip side, I needed to recognize the people and activities that consistently brought out the worst in me--the ones that made me feel controlled, constricted, dishonest, resentful, or afraid--and be honest about them. Mindfulness of "what already is" is the key to finding yourself. Align yourself with the people and activities that matter most to you. Don't let old habits, crappy jobs, or mean-spirited people define you. Just stumble your way forward as best you can, with greater self-awareness followed by affirmative action..

Instruct: I'm in my late 20s, and I've never had a boyfriend or even been on a date. I have no friends. I hate Facebook because everyone else has kids and a great husband and great paying jobs. I work in retail, and I can't find a job. I have an Associate degree. No one is not giving me a chance, and I'm getting upset and frustrated. I feel worthless and feel like everyone hates me. I feel like a failure, and I still live with my Dad. It's very embarrassing! Output: In case knowing this helps you, there are many more people in similar circumstance as you than you may realize.Similar to you, they are not on FB for the reasons you list.  Plus, no one wants to go on FB and tell the world they don't have a fantastic life.  Everyone on FB is happy, even when they're miserable they're happy telling everyone about it.First, yes it is painful to see all around you what appears as joyful living.  Please keep in mind that the life you imagine these people have, is not necessarily the true life they are having.  I've been a therapist for a long time and have seen repeatedly how people who are married with kids by age 30, start having problems by their mid-thirties.Second, respect your unique identity.  For whatever reason, you have more sensitivity, possibly more depth, more complex standards and expectations, of yourself and others.As hard as it may sound or actually be, take time to hear your intuition and what it tells you, you need for your own growth and development.Feeling embarrassed can also be turned into a positive.  Consider it as motivation for the long term to develop new ways of reaching your goals.I hope this helps!

Instruct: Sometimes, when I look at my pet cat, I think about how innocent he is and how somebody could hurt or kill him. It makes me sad because I love him, but I always think about how helpless he is. There've even been split-seconds where I felt almost tempted to kick him, followed by shame and guilt. Output: A lot of different things could be happening here. Do you feel angry or sad or anxious when you think about how helpless he is? If you have not actually kicked him, then I would encourage you to look at feelings other than guilt, since you did not hurt him. What else is there?It would probably be very helpful to talk with a therapist about the specifics of this so that you can see what else is happening for you. It could be that you feel safe with your cat, so strong emotions come up because you feel safe.

Instruct: I'm in my late 20s. I have two jobs right now, I'm in school, and I feel like I just have a lot under my belt right now. I get stressed out really easily. I tend to worry and over-think. I'm just worried about money and everything. Output:   A good start is to pay attention to some basic issues: sleep, nutrition, exercise and socially supportive relationships. A great car on an empty tank will not get you very far. 

Instruct: My fiancé and I have almost the best relationship every girl wants, but lately it's changed. I get less attention and little to no intercourse. He works a lot and goes to the gym a lot (he's a football player for an indoor league), but he has no time for me. We live two hours from family, and when I leave home to see family, he'll text me saying "whatever" and "leave me alone." But when we're together, everything is okay. No fighting or anything. I love this man, but I just don't know what to do anymore. Output: Hello, It doesn't feel good when it seems that your partner no longer cares or cares less for you, especially if your feelings have not changed. It can be scary, frustrating, and lonely. Have you tried talking to him about your concerns? I would suggest to start there. There may be several reasons for his actions, some of which may have nothing to do with how he feels for you. Learning about what is going on for him will likely answer your questions and, depending on his response, may cause some relief. When initiating conversations about subjects that are sensitive, there are a few things that you want to remember. Tell him how you are feeling and what you are experiencing, rather than blaming him or telling him what he is doing wrong. Avoid using extreme, black and white language (i.e. always and never). For example, you may say something such as, "I feel confused that we are rarely intimate and I'm wondering if you've also noticed this change" versus "You are never intimate with me anymore." Don't be afraid to ask him questions. You deserve to know what is going on, as his behavior is effecting your well being. I like to ask open-ended questions instead of yes and no questions. It allows for more clarity and deeper explanation. Lastly, ask yourself (and possibly him) what part you play in the recent changes. Does he feel that you've been distant? Does he need something from you? Let him know that you are willing to work things out as a team. If communication attempts fail, seeing a couple's therapist can be a great benefit. Having an objective party to coach you through this difficut time can give you the support that will create lasting changes in your relationship.Best of luck to you! 

Instruct: How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? Output: Choosing the right therapist can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming. I know many people come to therapy with hesitations and potential fears but a therapist should be there to help you along the way and support you as you build a trusting and collaborative relationship. You won't have to "train" your therapist to give you what you need. Through open dialogue and feedback you and your therapist, together, can determine what works best for you. But do remember that being able to trust your therapist to guide and support you is key. So if you're having a hard time connecting with your therapist after 3-4 sessions, you will want to bring it up to them so you can discuss any barriers and if needed, request a referral for another therapist.

Instruct: What are the basic skills a good counselor needs to have? Output: To be non-judgemental, know who they themselves are, be able to step forward and ask questions with ease and grace into painful emotional areas.Also to respect human difference in accomplishing basic life tasks and everyday living. 

Instruct: I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. Output: You may feel hopeless but YOU are not hopeless. Addictions of any sort are difficult to overcome, especially when they serve to bury pain and suffering that one is experiencing. It is not impossible to overcome alcohol or drug use/abuse/dependence on your own, but you will likely find much greater success with the help of a therapist or other support system such as rehabilitation or Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest doing a bit of research to see what type of help is available and feasible for you in your area and go from there. Know that recovery takes time, willingness, and effort. Don't give up and remember that you are not hopeless. You can make the choice to change your habits and learn new ways of healthy coping. Best of luck to you!

Instruct: I was born a girl, but I want to be a boy. Because of my religion I can't tell my family. I know they won't accept me. What do I do? Output: Chances are your family already knows, they are probably just waiting on confirmation from you to say it. A parent knows their child.

Instruct: I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about? Output: Please do not worry about crying. People cry, laugh, rage, rant, and talk during counseling sessions. Part of the therapy process is to look at your feelings, and to feel what you are actually feeling (instead of what you think you should feel). So if you need to cry, that's ok. If you feel embarrassed because you cried, or if you feel anxious that you might cry, well those feelings are ok as well. Your counselor can help you manage your feelings so that you can attain your goals, and your counseling session is the perfect place for that.

Instruct: Does counseling really do anything that can help people? Output: Yes, counseling helps a lot of people, especially when there is a good rapport between the counselor and their client. Knowing your counselor is someone who is really on your side and wants to see you grow past your difficulties into a healthy, happy, successful life is more important than what kind of counseling method they use. If you are looking for a counselor, take your time and be sure you feel heard and respected as well as challenged to grow.

Instruct: I was raped by multiple men, and now I can't stand the sight of myself. I wear lingerie to get my self excited enough to have sex with my wife. Output: I am very sorry to hear about your rapes.  Traumatic events, such as rape, can have some lasting effects.  Issues with sex drive are one of these effects.  Therapy can help to decrease the impact that traumatic events have upon our lives as we process through some of our experiences.   EMDR can be a particularly effective modality of treatment to address this issues.  I would also encourage you to have an honest conversation with your wife about this concern.  Sometimes it is helpful to have that conversation with a therapist so that the therapist can help educate  your wife in regards to effects of trauma.  This may help her understand that your feelings are more about the trauma and less about her as a person.  Best of luck to you!

Instruct: After he got home from the hospital he was angry, then for a time wonderful. Now he is depressed and hopeless again. Output: The fact that you're reaching out for help here is really helpful.The first thing I would suggest is that you consider seeing a local mental health professional yourself to be able to talk about the details, how this is affecting you, and how you can hold onto you are while also being supportive to you husband.From the way that you describe this, I wonder what has changed since coming home from the hospital. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your husband this and mention that you are asking him questions to learn more about his experience and you can discuss how you notice that things were going much better when he came home from the hospital, and now things are not as good. Perhaps he can tell you about what is different so that you may know him would be most helpful to him.I also hope that you husband is still continuing with his own treatment.There may also be a local peer support telephone number for the county that you live in that they be able to help you determine whether your husband needs more immediate treatment if he is feeling hopeless again. There are national crisis telephone numbers listed below as well.

Instruct: It's been almost a year since my ex-boyfriend broke up with me after he cheated on me many times. I had found out about a month before, but I hadn't told him I knew because I didn't want us to break up. I used to have very low self-esteem, and I think it might have to do with my dad being an alcoholic. My father cheated on my mother when I was little. I wonder if this pain has to do with that. My ex-boyfriend and I were only dating for five months, but I still can't get over this betrayal. I'm not sure what to feel to get over it: forgiveness? Hate? He helped me financially after our break up by lending me $3000, so I'm grateful for that. I still hate him for what he did and still want him to like me although we're not even talking anymore. We follow each other on Instagram and that's it. I feel like I still need his validation. This is haunting me day and night. I want to focus on my new relationship and goals, but I keep obsessing over this and keep checking my ex-boyfriend's Instagram and Facebook. I feel so bad and keep having nightmares. Output: The dilemmas you present are giving you a great chance to understand your true reasons for being in a relationship.Continue developing some points you've written here.That you grew up sensing and/or witnessing your mom's emotional pain from your dad cheating on her, very likely set a standard in your inner self, to expect similar circumstances in your relationship life.This is a natural dynamic which happens for all of us.  What we observe in our growing up households is what we understand as "normal", no matter how bad it actually is.After all, children don't have the ability to separate that what their own parents do, is wrong compared with the rest of our culture.It is natural to long for a relationship.What you have the chance to do now, is distinguish the reasons for your longing.Is it to attach to someone who has hurt you, hasn't shown you any understanding of having hurt you, and whose validation, even if he says validating words, has little meaning because people who validate are not the ones who harm us?If you're able to teach yourself that those who love us do not harm us, and to develop new expectations for yourself of feeling good from how your partner treats you, then you will be showing yourself a road that will benefit you for your entire lifetime.

Instruct: I have bipolar II disorder, I'm addicted to alcohol and weed, and I'm hopeless. I keep drinking even though it's harming myself and others. Output: You may feel hopeless but YOU are not hopeless. Addictions of any sort are difficult to overcome, especially when they serve to bury pain and suffering that one is experiencing. It is not impossible to overcome alcohol or drug use/abuse/dependence on your own, but you will likely find much greater success with the help of a therapist or other support system such as rehabilitation or Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest doing a bit of research to see what type of help is available and feasible for you in your area and go from there. Know that recovery takes time, willingness, and effort. Don't give up and remember that you are not hopeless. You can make the choice to change your habits and learn new ways of healthy coping. Best of luck to you!

Instruct: My husband and I had our first threesome recently. Everyone was drinking and he was on her more then me. He and I talked about it afterwards and it made me feel better, and now I'm craving more of it. But before it gets close to happening I get this empty feeling. Why am I feeling this way? Output: You need to have an honest conversation with each other about WHY you both want a threesome. Evaluate the status of your relationship with each other. Are you having issues? Fighting? Not feeling satisfied with each other? How has your sex life been with each other?  If there are any problems, insecurities, issues, introducing something like this may only make your relationship worse. Open relationships and threesomes rarely work out well. Sure, there are some who successfully live this lifestyle, but it only works when both people are completely secure in their relationship with each other, harbor no jealousies or insecurities, and aren't looking to someone else to satisfy needs that aren't getting met by their spouse. Let me say that again: This is not likely to work out well for you if either of you are insecure, jealous, or looking to have needs met by this other person that you aren't getting from your spouse. That empty feeling you're having - listen to it. Dig deep to find out where it is coming from. What thoughts are going through your head when you feel that way? You'll get the answer.The other thing that helps make something like this work is for both of you to listen and respect each other. If you don't like it that he paid more attention to the other girl, he needs to know that, and he needs to respect that.  If you're going to do it again, he needs to know what you're comfortable with and what you want. Set the limits before you're in the moment, before it's too late to take an action back. Turn it around and ask him what he would be comfortable with if it were a man instead of a woman.It is perfectly natural to be curious and want to experiment. A lot of people get that out of the way before settling down in a monogamous relationship. People who marry young and/or inexperienced may still feel that curiosity about things like that and want to experience them, but don't want to hurt their spouse. The REASON you are both doing this matters a lot. If there are problems in your relationship, this is likely to only make things worse.

Instruct: Whenever I don't tell my friends or anyone what I did or stuff that's not really important, I feel terrible, like there’s a hole in my stomach. It only goes away when I hurt myself. Output: Hi Kansas, I feel strongly that the help of a professional therapist is important here. Feelings are never wrong, but it can help to understand where they come from and talk to someone who can teach you healthy ways to cope. Self-harm is not the answer to managing those emotions you feel in your stomach. Although I'm glad you said something here, a professional would need to spend some time with you and get a deep understanding of your life in order to help you sort all these reactions out effectively. I hope you reach out to someone soon.

Instruct: Sometimes 3 times a night. Output: As a depth therapist (aka "psychodynamic practitioner"), I do a lot of dream work with clients; and they gain great insights from our explorations.We remember dreams, I believe, because dreams are messages (always in code) from the unconscious, communicating the crux of unresolved conflict between who we are and who we think we are supposed to be. You might be remembering so many dreams because your conscious mind is ready to hear these messages...and make some internal changes in response.Write them down! You'll be glad you did. A broad cross-section of these these messages will help your therapist help you interpret the meanings of these communications from you to you, and possibly chart your best path forward toward to resolve the cause of psychological symptoms you might be experiencing.

Instruct: After I told them, they yelled at me. Output: It sounds like your family responded out of fear!  They may need some time to digest the information.  This can be hard for a family to hear for several reasons but you should be proud that you had the courage to tell them.  Once they realize how brave you were and how much you need their support they will come around.   Maybe you can write them a letter (for them to read without you present).  In the letter, you can tell them your struggles and maybe why you decided to tell them.  A letter will give them a little more time to digest the information.

Instruct: Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it? Output: My son plays alone at recess.Is this something I should be worried about? Should I do something about it?Every mom is the expert on their children’s behavior.  First of all, I suggest checking with your son, asking him if he is happy while playing alone, or does he complain that no one wants to play with him?  Does he plays alone in school, but is social in other environments, with family or neighbors?Playing alone is healthy for children, it helps them to be independent and confident, it allows them to explore their environment and use their imagination, among other benefits.  On the other hand, it is also important to develop social skills early on and become confident in our skills as we grow.  Children go through stages of exploration until they develop a sense of “social confidence”. Depending on your son’s age, he might need some input or advice.  Provide the opportunity to interact with other children, without pushing it.  Take him to the park to play with a friend or to children’s activities in your neighborhood.  Later ask him, what did he thought of the activity, and if he enjoyed playing there.  Children also follow their parent’s model, so you can encourage social interaction by greeting other and asking your son to do the same, ask him to receive the guests who come to the house with you and sit to enjoy the conversation. If you notice any shakiness, becoming tearful, anxious or aggressive when approaching social encounters, you may want to talk to the school counselor or children’s therapist to evaluate those symptoms and rule out any behavioral problems or social anxiety.Mi hijo juega solo en el receso.¿Debería preocuparme al respecto?  ¿Debería hacer algo al respecto?Cada mama es experta en la conducta de sus hijos.  Primero que nada te sugiero que revises con tu hijo y le preguntes si él se siente contento jugando solo, o si se queja porque nadie quiere jugar con él.   Observa si él juega solo en la escuela, pero es sociable en otros ambientes como con la familia  o los vecinos. Jugar solo puede ser saludable para los niños, les ayudo a ser independientes, desarrollan sentido de seguridad, y les permite explorar su ambiente y utilizar su imaginación, entre otros beneficios.Por otro lado, también es importante desarrollar destrezas sociales y perfeccionarlas con la práctica.   Los niños van por etapas de exploración y prueba hasta que desarrollan un nivel de confianza en sus destrezas sociales.  Dependiendo de la edad de tu hijo, puede que el necesite algunos consejos.  Provéele la oportunidad de interactuar con otros niños, sin obligarlo. Ya sea yendo al parque a jugar con vecinos, o a actividades comunitarias infantiles con algún amigo.  Luego pregúntale como le pareció la actividad y si le gusto compartir allí.  También recuerda que los niños siguen el modelo de sus padres, así que puedes motivarlo invitándolo a que salude a otros después de ti, o invitándolo a recibir a la visita que llega a la casa y que los acompañe durante la conversación.Si observas que tu hijo está nervioso, lloroso, o agresivo cuando se acerca alguna actividad social, consulta con el consejero escolar o un consejero infantil para evaluar sus síntomas y descarta cualquier problema de conducta o ansiedad.

Instruct: I've been going through a rough time lately. I been into nothing but women. I’ve never thought about men until a week ago. I’m very upset and depressed about this. It's not normal to me. I looked at gay porn more than once to prove that I’m not gay. I get the same results each time, and I feel disgust. This is tough on me. I'm scared that I looked too many times. I keep thinking about it and shake all the time. Output: Are you able to give yourself some peace of mind while you take the time to further address whether or not you are gay?Whether or not and to what degree a person accepts their sexuality, depends on dense factors such as the culture of your family, the beliefs about gay people with which you were brought up, and your own tolerance for being a unique individual.Examining these factors, whether inwardly by yourself, in online blogs and sites, or live with other people, requires patience and effort.The more you are willing to commit to figuring out your own truth, the greater is your chance of finding it!

Instruct: I have not had a friend since I was 19. I don't go anywhere, and I have no job, all because I'm afraid of people. Output: Individual and/or group therapy can be a powerful antidote for social anxiety. Often in therapy, the things that tend to get in the way of our securing satisfying and lasting personal relationships will appear in some way in the therapy relationship and a competent therapist will be able to help you work through this anxiety, in a sensitive way, and eventually encourage you to seek out the personal relationships that you want. In group therapy, you have an opportunity to have a relationship not only with the therapist, but several other people who are all in the group in order to give and receive mutual support to one another.

Instruct: My older brother (in his 60s) started dating a lady with Asperger's. She is hyper-sexual and flirty. She does not understand boundaries. They’ve been dating for a few months, and she's talking marriage. Another sibling and his wife have met her, and they have said she is never invited back. My brother always picks similar ladies. Do we speak honestly and risk losing a relationship? Output: This is tricky and quite delicate.I wonder if you could talk with your brother about whether he would be willing to have a discussion with you about something that is important to you. I would also suggest trying to make clear your true intentions. For example:Telling him that he has the right to do what he wants with who he chooses to dateThat you are talking to him about this because you care about himThat your relationship with him is important to you and that you love him and care about himAlso try to stick to examples or ideas that are objectively observable (for example, when this happens ___, I notice ___). That way you are using facts rather than opinions and things that can be observed rather than subjective emotional decisionsI would also be curious with what your brother sees in this girl, and I might even recommend starting with thatI cannot underline enough the importance of having this come across as genuine, and for lack of a better word, gentle.I also be very honest with you that I cannot guarantee that he will react positively, neutrally, or even that he will have the discussion with you.Because it is true that he could choose to continue dating this girl and perhaps even hold it against you for a while, I would also encourage you to look at the importance of this to you and where you consider the risk-benefit ratio to be.

Instruct: My brother has been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and has not been taking his medication. He's been using methamphetamine and alcohol and was found sleeping naked in my step mom driveway in 12 degree weather. I was adopted in by his dad (who just passed) and his mother will not Get involved because she's afraid of financial responsibility. Do I have the rights to be able to sign my brother into mentalhealth facility? Output: Family members sometimes get Power of Attorney over vulnerable adults. If you had this, you could do something like that. I'm assuming that you don't, though. There are steps family members can take through the court system to get someone involuntarily committed, but it is a long process. I deal with situations like this everyday on the job. The only time an adult can be committed against their will is if they are deemed by the doctor (such as at an emergency room) to be a threat to self or others. For instance, if he had suicidal thoughts and a plan to carry out the action, or if he had homicidal thoughts against someone else and a plan to carry it out, he could be placed on a short hold, but these holds only last for a few days. This still isn't a long-term solution. An adult has the right to refuse treatment and the right to make their own choices, no matter how bad those choices are. If you have a way to get him to an ER whenever things like that happen, such as being found sleeping outside in 12 degree weather, it will help a lot. They may or may not do a short term commitment for treatment based on the situation that brings him to the ER, but it's a start. They can help set him up with appointments for psych and he can get on medications. You can help by taking him to appointments and making sure his medications get filled. However, you can't force him to take the meds, so this may be something that happens a lot. With enough of a paper trail of many ER visits and that sort of thing, you'll stand a better chance of getting a court appointed psych ward stay. Some tips about ER visits: Don't send him alone. Always go with him or have someone go with him, because you will be able to give the treatment team better insight into what's going on than he will. He may say everything's fine and he wants to leave, so they won't have any reason to keep him if that is the case. Go with him. If you do get Power of Attorney, take the paperwork with you when you go to the ER and to doctor's appointments because they aren't just going to take your word. They need to see the actual paperwork. Having it on file in their system isn't good enough because paperwork expires, etc. Take it with you at all times. You can also compile his medical records and that sort of thing to take with you so they can see a full history of what's going on.Keep in mind that if you do get Power of Attorney, this makes you his guardian and you have to take care of him. Otherwise, you can get reported for vulnerable adult abuse and neglect. In fact, your mom ignoring and not helping may already put her at risk of that because she is willingly doing nothing to help someone who clearly needs the help. She won't be financially responsible for the hospital or doctor bills, but should be held responsible for his safety. Someone should. There are group homes for people with schizophrenia. " Being responsible" for someone doesn't mean you have to pay their bills, it just means you are going to make sure they get the care they need. That care may be placement in a long-term care facility like a group home or a nursing home. Psych inpatient hospitals aren't long-term, so you do need to look into other long-term options. Psych inpatient stays are temporary and are to stabilize him, they're not where someone stays forever.Good luck, and keep up the good attitude! Work with his treatment team. Ask for a social worker. If they see family that is wanting to do the right thing and wanting to help, they'll help you even if it does take a while to get things sorted out. The worst thing any of you can do is NOT go to appointments and that sort of thing. 

Instruct: We've been dating for two months now. I have a heavy past that gets him angry. Does he have a right to penalize me for things I did before I met him? Output: How is he penalizing you?Have you asked for his reasons for wanting to know about your heavy past?His answers may be very different than that he would like penalizing you.What you can do is explain how pressured you feel by his questions.Ideally, the two of you will become much closer by talking openly about your respective discomforts and wishes from the other.