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zz1yck
I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/IGrandma632 in r/amitheasshole. Trigger Warning - >!infidelity!< Mood Spoiler - >!unsatisfactory with a Shyamalan twist!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zmxx8w/aita_for_being_upset_that_i_wont_see_my_grandkid/) (16 Dec 22) **AITA for being upset that I won't see my grandkid for Christmas and calling out my daughter** I need an outsider opinion. I (46F) have been having problem with my daughter Sara (24). It began when she eloped with her husband three years ago, me and my husband were really sad that we couldn't see her get married or even know about it until it was over. We were sad but got over it, it was her day and if she didn't want anyone there then that was that. We talk on the phone or met up at least ever week so it was a huge suprise. Then they moved down two states, its would be a trip to visit so we still talk on the phone more instead of visits. So for holidays we would visit or they would visit. This year at Thanksgiving she brought a surprise, her son Dave (1 month). I didn't even know she was pregnant, we talked all the time and nothing. Again was sad we missed such a large milestone in her life but didn't say anything. We were happy to met the grandbaby. I called today to ask about what they wanted me to bring out for the baby for the Christmas visit, the old baby bed and whatnot. Sara told me that they will not be coming up for Christmas, I asked if we were going down this year? She said no that just nuclear family for Dave's first christmas. I asked if we could facetime christmas morning or that day to see Dave and there tree and she said no. After that conversation I talked to my husband We are both sad again and tired of missing milestones in Sara's life, I sent Sara a text that me and her dad are going to take a step back. (Low contact). She called and asked what this was about, I told her and it broke into an argument. That it is her life and she can do what she wants with her kid and so on. I told her she clearly doesn't want us involved in her life and we are stepping out for now. She called me an ass. So AITA here? I need a second opinion #Verdict - Asshole. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ztr4dv/update_aita_for_being_upset_that_i_wont_see_my/) (24 Dec 22) **Update: AITA for being upset that I won't see my grandkid for Christmas and calling out my daughter** I took everyone's advice and it has been a long week for the family. I gave her a call after a lot of people asked me to reach out again and asked her straight up what she wanted, did she want us out of her life, what is going on and to please be honest. She was quiet for a bit and hung up after saying give her some time. I thought that was the end of it and she would reach out later or never. Well on Monday she showed up at our house after a 8 hour drive. Sara sat both of us down and told the full story what was going on. She was happy with eloping and just didn't want to spend money on a wedding (we knew this one). For the baby, she was never pregnant. Her husband cheated on her and got another women pregnant. Sara found out about 2 months before the kid was born. She didn't tell us because Sara knew we would tell her to leave him (100 percent true). She wanted to fix the marriage and in doing that she kept it a secret so her husband wouldn't get any backlash. She told us the only reason they were able to met Dave was due to biomom dropping the kid off so she could visit her family across the country, there is no custody agreement. It's been a huge mess on there end and the marriage is rough at the moment. Sara was planning to go to Christmas at our place at the beginning and explain the situation but Dave would be with biomom and husband didn't want the secret out. So when we called her saying we were going to take a step back Sara was very upset. She thought she was losing her family over a secret to protect her husband. Her husband didn't help since he never had close family so he didn't understand why she was upset. Sara and her husband got in a huge argument about the whole thing ordeal. When I called again she already made up her mind that she will be telling us and going to Christmas at our house. She took time off and drove down and will stay for Christmas. She doesn't know what she will due with her husband and if she will try to fix it or leave. She did tell us to stay out of it since she wants her decision to 100 percent on her. We will respect that even though we are hoping she leaves him for this stunt. Thank you everyone that commented on the last post, you had some great advice and made us really think what was going on. **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**
7,304
2022-12-30T14:32:32
AITA for being upset that I won't see my grandkid for Christmas and calling out my daughter.
ONGOING
prettiergenghis
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz1yck/aita_for_being_upset_that_i_wont_see_my_grandkid/
false
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zz3h5t
[removed]
1
2022-12-30T15:39:50
What's the best way to disassemble raspberries?
CONCLUDED
Ill_Lion_7286
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz3h5t/whats_the_best_way_to_disassemble_raspberries/
false
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zz3i6c
[removed]
1
2022-12-30T15:40:54
What's the best way to disassemble raspberries?
CONCLUDED
Ill_Lion_7286
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz3i6c/whats_the_best_way_to_disassemble_raspberries/
false
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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/MostlyGruntled **in** r/idontworkherelady ## [Part 2/2 Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz4nj6/part_22_an_absolutely_riveting_saga_of_david_vs/) * This is a long but absolutely entertaining tale partly attributable to OOPs exceptional writing style. * Reposting this epic tale as BORU members have increased exponentially since this was last posted. mood spoilers: >!Last update of OOP is unexpectedly sad & devastating!< ## Part 1/2 [**ORIGINAL - "Do you know who I am" and "you're fired" until they realised their terrible mistake. + UPDATES 1 to 8**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/dlfr3e/do_you_know_who_i_am_and_youre_fired_until_they/) \- 22nd October 2019 Firstly this didn't happen to me. I was with the person when they received a phone call about this issue. Then he explained it all to me. He's not on Reddit so I'm sharing it. It's priceless. All names changed to protect personal and company identities Listed buildings - Important to the story. In the UK there is a system for preserving ancient and important buildings. If a building has historical importance it is known as a "Listed building" and the rules about how it's developed/maintained/improved are VERY strict. I need to be vague about the work involved otherwise it's too easy to identify the parties involved. My friend David is skilled in a very niche area of construction. He repairs and renovates buildings using a very old construction method that hasn't been common for several centuries. All his work is on conservation projects and "listed buildings". Work was required on a Grade 1 listed property. The overall building work was being done my the main contractor ACC Ltd. One part of the work is VERY specialized. The contractors managers didn't know anyone who did it so the architect gave them a list of qualified people. The contractors chose my friend because he had the earliest availability. 5 days into the work the owner of ACC Ltd, the main contractor company, arrived on site. He was throwing his weight around and being a "noisy gobshite" (David's words). David was just doing his job and ignored him. Noisy gobshite told one of his carpenters to get him a coffee. The carpenter disappeared. Noisy gobshite continued wandering and "gobbing off" about delays "costing him a fortune". 15 minutes after the carpenter had disappeared the Noisy Gobshite asked my friend a question. Noisy Gobshite : "Where is that fucking chippy with my coffee?" (Chippy=carpenter) David: "Don't know" Noisy Gobshite: "Go and find out" David: "I'm only here for this job (pointing to the walls) I don't work for ACC Ltd" Noisy Gobshite: "I don't give fuck whether you're an employee or a subcontractor, you still work for me. Now go and find my fucking coffee" David: "Firstly, I don't appreciate being talked to like that and secondly, my contract with you is to do these walls, nothing more. I'm definitely not a gopher" Noisy Gobshite : "Oh, you don't appreciate being talked to like that, do you? Which subcontractor do you work for?" David: "None. I'm self employed. It's just me" Noisy Gobshite : "A fucking day labourer? And you've got the nerve to talk to like that? Do you know who I am?" David: "Yep" Noisy Gobshite : "Well you're fucking fired. Get off the fucking site NOW!" David: "Ok, put it in writing" Noisy Gobshite : "Fuck off. Just get off the fucking site" David pulled his phone out and started recording. David: "Ok, I'll go. I just want proof you told me to go" Noisy Gobshite grabbed David's hand holding the phone and screamed into the phone Noisy Gobshite : "GET OFF THE SITE YOU FUCKING IDIOT. YOU'RE FIRED. IF YOU'RE STILL HERE IN 10 FUCKING MINUTES I'LL HAVE YOU FUCKING THROWN OUT" David: "Cool, no problem" He picked up all his kit and walked away. As he was leaving the contractors site manager passed him (ironically with a coffee for the boss) and with a smile said. Site Manager: "You leaving early Dave? Bloody part-timers(joking)" David: "No, your boss just fired me. Our contract is ended. Sorry mate" Site Manager: "Noooo. Noo, no. Let me sort this out. Wait, please. Please,wait." David left. The Site Manager was losing his shit because he knew something that Noisy Gobshite didn't. Only 7 people in the UK are qualified to do the work. They all have a waiting list and David had been the only one available. By the time he was home he had 12 missed calls. That was Thursday. 2 working days missed so far. He said he'll go back but only if he gets paid for the extra days and has a genuine apology in person from the boss. I met my friend when he was getting a call from the Site Manager saying the boss apologises but is "out of the country" so can't apologise f2f. David also told me he phoned the other specialists to warn them but they'd all been phoned on Friday begging them to do the job. Nobody took the work. They're all booked solid. David also phoned the architect to warn him. Situations like this some unscrupulous contractors try to bodge the job and fake the work. David is going to stick to his guns. Pay for all missed days plus f2f apology. He is sure he'll get it. I've said I'll pay anything to watch the f2f apology ***Update One*** Site Manager phoned to say he was told by Noisy Gobshite to threaten legal action if David doesn't finish the job. Site Manager was very embarrassed and apologetic. David reminded him he didn't leave and has proof that he was fired. Site Manager phoned again to say Noisy Gobshite will apologise f2f on Friday. Can David start tomorrow? David said no. Following the threat of legal action the conditions are different. f2f apology before work restarts. Added pay for wasted days. Payment of full contract value upfront before work starts. All must happen by Thursday. That's the last day he can start and still expect to finish before his next booking. If he also works the weekends he has just enough time. I asked him why he isn't charging a huge extra amount for the guy being such a wanker. He said it doesn't look good if you take advantage of companies when they're under time pressure. "Not the done thing". It seems that one of my friends is an eighteenth century gentleman. Correction I misunderstood David when he said only seven others do this work. He meant seven other businesses apart from his. They're small businesses so he says it's probably about 20 people who can do it. Still a small number but not as comically small as seven. Sorry for misleading you all about the number. ***Update Two*** Unfortunately it seems there will be no apology. David has discovered that the Site Manager was blamed for "not making Noisy Gobshite aware of the situation beforehand" and was fired. David contacted the operations director for ACC Ltd (Noisy Gobshite's number two) and informed them that an apology is no longer required as he will not be returning to the job. The Ops Director apologised for everything and offered to renegotiate the money "very generously". David told him that he had only considered going back to the job as a personal favour to the original Site Manager. Since he isn't there he feels no obligation to return. Ops Director said he will get back to David but didn't say why. I asked why he didn't say "give him his job back or I won't come back". David said "Noisy Gobshite is too petty and weak to be told what to do by a craftsman. It will have to be the company's idea for the Site Manager to come back. If I tell them to bring him back it won't happen". David says the Site Manager is great at his job but is only 4 years from retirement so it's not easy to find a job at 61. I've decided I like David even more than I did 3 days ago. ***Update Three*** It's 2am here. We've just got back from the pub. David got a call while we were out from the sacked Site Manager. David updated the Architect on the situation this afternoon. The Architect contacted the sacked Site Manager to tell him about a company who need a Site Manager. The sacked Site Manager phoned David just before 9pm. I had to sit through the phone call, only hearing one side. I must have looked childishly excited like I'd got an arseful of sparrows. Then David filled me in. The site manager rang to thank him and to find out his favourite drink so he can send him a bottle. He hasn't got the new job yet but he is seeing them on Friday. Apparently, the Architect's recommendation carries some weight so he's optimistic. David refused at first. "I didn't get you a job, the Architect did". The site manager said "but you set all this shit in motion and told the Architect that I'd been fired. Because of you, I never need to deal with that obnoxious pillock ever again". David wasn't specific about who the obnoxious pillock was. We'll have to guess. David said his drink is Cardhu Gold Reserve. He said he will accept a bottle only if (a) the Site Manager gets the new job and (b) if the Site Manager will come over and drink the Cardhu with David. It looks like the handsome scribe who did the enormously difficult time-consuming job of skilfully writing this saga down on Reddit isn't included in the whisky consumption. As David poetically put it: "piss off knobhead, you can buy your own fucking drink". All good news (hopefully) except that nobody gets to see that tosspot, Noisy Gobshite, eat shit when he has to apologise. I was so looking forward to that. Additional information - David and the fired Site Manager know each other outside of work. Each are members of charity organisations in the same town. Two different groups but they work together a lot. Site Manager is in "Rotary Club" and David is in "Round Table". I don't think he's a knight but you never know. ***Update Four*** Operations Director for ACC Ltd phoned David to suggest that they take the Site Manager back and generously renegotiate the money. David says they've "missed the boat". There is no way he can finish the job on his own before he starts his next job. There is an absolute minimum of 11 days work left if everything goes without a hitch. David's next job starts 4th November. Only 10 days left if he works both weekends. Too late. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when Noisy Gobshite is told. The Most Common Question Many are asking what David does. If I said what it was it's so identifying that I might as well give you his real name and his address. Sorry. The reason there are very few of them is it takes 5 years to become just competent and at least 9 years to be a master craftsman. The jobs need at least one master present when the work is done. ***Update Five*** Bad news. The fired Site Manager didn't get the other job. He met the new company but they're not taking him on. The reasons aren't clear. David is meeting him on Sunday to discuss it. I can tell David feels like shit about it even though it's not his fault. Site Manager says he's going to take action for unfair dismissal. I thought this was going to be win-win-win but I suppose life isn't like that. ***Update Six*** News about the sacked Site Manager. The situation isn't as bad as we first thought. I think we misunderstood what happened on Friday. David talked to him yesterday. The company he saw on Friday are not employing him in the normal way, that part was correct. But they have offered him a fixed term contract for 18 months on a distribution centre build. It's not perfect but on the bright side it's slightly better paid than ACC. It's only 18 months but that's better than nothing. There is also the chance that the new company might extend the contract if another project comes in. ***Update Seven*** (seven?seriously?) David has heard that they're getting a Bulgarian to come over to do the job. David was grinning when he told me. He thinks he knows what will happen. There is a similar but different technique that was used on some 19th century buildings in Sofia. David thinks that the guy will use that technique. It looks similar but two very important materials are different. David has decided to wait. He plans to let the Bulgarian finish the job and get paid. Then David is going to suggest to the planning department and the client that they check the two components. Unless the Bulgarian knows the 17th century English method he will have used the wrong materials. It would mean ripping it out and starting again. They are incredibly strict with this type of work. I shouldn't want this so much but I really hope this happens. I'm a petty man. Further information Many people are asking when will David know if the Bulgarian has done the job right.David might know fairly soon since there are very few suppliers of one of the materials. If the Bulgarian contacts them David will be told. David's words "It's a tiny incestuous part of the industry and they gossip like old women. Correction, WE all gossip like old women" If he doesn't go there David is leaving it alone until he is told that the work is finished and the Bulgarian is paid. He doesn't want to put the guy's money at risk. In David's words "I don't want the Bulgarian to drag his arse over here and go home empty-handed just because I can't wait to drop silly bollocks in the shit. The man's got a living to earn. I'll wait." Just in case of confusion "Silly bollocks" is the same person as "Noisy Gobshite" It should take the Bulgarian about 3 weeks to finish the job unless he works weekends. David knows plenty of people on site and a few at ACC head office so he'll know when the job is finished. So I've got to sit on my hands for 3-4 weeks and pretend I'm NOT an excited 7 year-old girl pissing her pants about Christmas coming. ***Update Eight*** David has been told that the Bulgarian got straight to it and started work. He's had materials delivered but from an ordinary building supplier. The stuff he needs to do the job properly is too bulky for him to bring with him even if they sell it in Bulgaria. He hasn't ordered it from the UK supplier. There are 3 but only one has enough for this job because they got it in for David. So, unless it is coming by road and ferry he is not using the right materials. David wouldn't allow it to go unreported even if he wasn't annoyed about Noisy Gobshite. He's got a genuine passion for looking after all these buildings he works on and he is a purist when it comes to historical accuracy. So now I have to hold my water for 3-4 weeks. David says that if he's using more modern materials he might finish sooner. 3 weeks is the time it takes if you stay in the 17th century. I've turned into a bit of a weirdo about this job. When I phoned David earlier on a pretext he realised I was after info again. David: "Fuck me! Do you want me to fit a bodycam so you can see and hear everything as it happens?"Me:"if it's not too much trouble and you can link me into your phone calls. That'd be nice"David after laughing : "You fucking knobcheese. Is it ok if I cover the lens when I'm shitting and shagging my wife?"Me: "Personally, I don't do those two things at the same time but whatever floats your boat"David : "You're telling me you do them separately? When are you shagging my wife?"Me: "Right after she's cleaned all the shit off the sheets from doing you. Some of us are fussy"David "Piss off. You're an uptight clean freak" Hangs up. No goodbye No see you soon. English manners aren't what they used to be. I know it doesn't look like it but, honestly, I do have a life. I promise. TLDR: Owner of contracting firm fires subcontractor without realising nobody else can do the essential work. Lots of shit ensues. ​ [**UPDATE POST: "Do you know who I am" backfires on business owner. UPDATE 9 + Additional Info**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/e0ik4w/update_do_you_know_who_i_am_backfires_on_business/) \- 23rd November 2019 When I first started writing this I would never have believed I was going to type....... ***Update Nine*** Lots of news. The Bulgarian finished the job and went home two weeks ago. According to the people who met him Stefan (the Bulgarian) was a good guy and a very hard worker. He did 12 hour days and weekends so he could cut the cost of staying in the UK. Based on what he learned about Stefan, David is happy that he waited until Stefan got paid before he reported the work. David was already fairly sure that Stefan was not doing the job correctly. He had checked the three firms who are the only UK suppliers of the most obscure material involved in the job and none said they'd had an order for the site. Of course, it was possible that Stefan imported it but nobody on site had seen an overseas material order. So, as planned, David contacted the local authority planning department, the client and the architect and an organisation called Historic England. He explained his concerns and the easiest, least intrusive way of testing. Then he waited for them to look into it. It only took a couple of days but I can honestly say that I've never been so anxious or felt so invested in something that is "none of my pissing business". First report came from the architect. WRONG METHOD USED! Wrong method using the wrong materials. He'd used a 19th century Bulgarian technique not the 17th century English that is demanded. The Architect was enormously pissed off. David said he's never heard the Architect use bad language before, but this phone call was blue. Apparently "Noisy Gobshite" is called "that ignorant fucking cockwomble" by the architect. David asked me what a "cockwomble" is. I had no idea. Suggestions welcome. The architect said he was going to contact the local authority because he doesn't want them to think this is anything to do with him. Most of the rest came to David second or third hand. He knows some of the staff from ACC. I asked if it was difficult to get them to tell him anything. He said they can't pick the phone up fast enough. The local authority planning officers visited the site and inspected the work. They told the contractor that the work was entirely wrong and must be cleared and done properly. Then it got interesting. The inspectors had a look around the site. They found an "issue". I can't be specific about this because it would be too easy to identify the buildings involved. The contractor has destroyed part of the building. There was an internal feature that didn't look particularly important but is part of the roof structure. They removed it and put in a much better modern support. But they are not allowed to. Neither the project manager or the new site manager or staff knew the importance. Guess who ordered it to be replaced (cheap quick option) instead of repaired (slow expensive option). Of course, it was Noisy Gobshite. It's a criminal offence to destroy anything on this type of property. Jail time type of crime. Even if they don't go to jail it's a massive fine. So now everybody in that company is pointing fingers at each other and claiming no responsibility. Noisy Gobshite has claimed that he did not give the order to take out the internal parts of the roof structure. The project manage has email evidence he did. On Tuesday 19th the client ordered all of the contractors staff off the site. They're having everything examined. It's almost certain they're firing the contractor. They've issued instructions for bids from new contractors. They'll also sue the contractor for the cost of repairing and replacing everything they've done wrong. The architects estimate was £800k. The local authority planning department wrote to the contractor outlining what they've done wrong and advising them of their plans to inspect and the possibility of prosecution. According to the staff Noisy Gobshite disappeared to the lawyers on the day the letter arrived. David had three different people from ACC phone him within an hour when the news of the letter circulated around the staff. So now we're waiting for a few things. Client's inspection. If that confirms that ACC have damaged the site then the client has the right to fire the contractor. ACC doesn't get paid and they have a massive repair bill. Local authority inspection by conservation experts. If they've destroyed features in the property the local authority will prosecute ACC as a company and the person who ordered it. David is very unhappy because the internal structure that has been destroyed can't be replaced. In his words "That wood has been sitting there doing it's job for 400 years until that fucking jizz stain comes into the picture. Then it's gone and that's it, never again" He seems genuinely sad. I'm betting that Noisy Gobshite is wishing he'd got his own coffee on that day last month. ***Correction and Apology*** The letter to ACC (not their real name) DID NOT threaten to prosecute. It only made them aware of the planning department's intention to send a specialist to inspect the building and in particular the area affected by the change. Apparently, prosecution, if it happens, takes forever. My sincere apologies for misleading you all. Like everyone else I was too keen to pick up my pitchfork and believe the worst. A combination of wishful thinking and Chinese whispers meant that by the time the story got to David it was much more serious and advanced. Noisy Gobshite might actually be prosecuted but if it happens it's more likely to be six months than six days. That's the second correction since I started. I promise to try to be a bit more conscientious on future updates. My fault not David's. David warned me. "Everything that goes in your ears doesn't have to spill straight out of your mouth. You're too keen to feed the masses. They might think you're farting rainbows right now but that won't last if you make a bollocks of the info." He's right. As usual. As fucking usual. As annoyingly fucking usual. ***Requested information*** A few people have asked what happened to the original Site Manager who was fired but I couldn't answer until tonight. We (me, David, Site Manager and two others) met in the pub. He definitely has the new job (subject to fidelity insurance checks which he'll pass) He starts on 9th February. He got paid off "in lieu of notice" by ACC. It's standard practice for firing. His contract gave 3 months notice and he was owed 12 holiday/vacation days so they paid him just over 3.5 months pay in one lump. He also gets to keep the car until March. He said "When he fired me I was shaking like a shitting dog but the wife reminded me that I could take my pension early and how much I hate that company and especially hate that dodgy pillock. Then (architect) called me about the distribution centre job and I stopped worrying" He has got Christmas off and he is starting the new job on a slightly higher salary. The only downside is that the job is only guaranteed for 18 months. There is the strong possibility that the company will keep him after that if they have work. It's just not definite. Initially he was planning to take Noisy Gobshite to an industrial tribunal for unfair dismissal. Now he can't because he isn't going to suffer financially. He said "obviously I'm glad I'm not losing money but I was looking forward to beating that wazzock in court". Right now he is using the extra time to build a better sleigh and some reindeer. Yep, a sleigh. It's to go on the back of a truck. His group walk around the area dressed as elves and snowmen, with Father Christmas on the sleigh, playing Christmas carols at window-rattling volume collecting donations for a charity. I've been roped into it many times. He brought David the whisky he promised. David said he shouldn't but Site Manager said "Yorkshiremen keep their word. Even to a shower of soft shandy-sipping southerners like you lot. Besides, I'm not risking breaking this lucky streak. Even the whisky was half price". Both me and David pointed at him simultaneously and said "a real Yorkshireman!". For the unaware, Yorkshire folk have a reputation for two things. Very straight talking and being "careful" with their money. So, after bollocking him for suggesting that I was a southerner\* we left the pub and went to Site Manager's garage so we could drink the whisky and admire his work on the sleigh. If I tell you all how good Cardhu Gold Reserve tastes will they send me some freebies? (\* I'm Welsh. Born near Caernarfon. Saesneg yw fy ail iaith. Cymru am Byth. That's why you've probably noticed some poor grammar.) I'm waffling now because I'm full of whisky. It's 1 a.m. so it's past my bedtime. Bye for now.   # [Part 2/2 Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz4nj6/part_22_an_absolutely_riveting_saga_of_david_vs/) **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
2,787
2022-12-30T16:26:16
Part 1/2. An absolutely riveting SAGA of David VS Noisy Gobshite
REPOST
raredontstare
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz4ng0/part_12_an_absolutely_riveting_saga_of_david_vs/
false
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zz4nj6
**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/MostlyGruntled **in** r/idontworkherelady   ## [Part 1/2 Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz4ng0/part_12_an_absolutely_riveting_saga_of_david_vs/) * This is a long but absolutely entertaining tale partly attributable to OOPs exceptional writing style. * Reposting this epic tale as BORU members have increased exponentially since this was last posted. mood spoilers: >!Last update of OOP is unexpectedly sad & devastating!<   ## Part 2/2 [**UPDATE 10**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/e7sn99/update_ten_seriously_ten_to_do_you_know_who_i_am/?st=k48hablu&sh=7bad3a12) \- 8th December 2019 ***Update Ten*** I think there might be some karmic justice on its way. Noisy Gobshite has been "interviewed under caution". It doesn't mean they're definitely taking legal action against him but it means they are preparing for the possibility. They also did the same with the Project Manager and they're going to do it with the fired Site Manager next week. The Site Manager is confident he has nothing to worry about. The decision to remove the roof support sections was made after he was fired. He said he was confident that if he'd been there at the time of the illegal alteration the Noisy Gobshite would have tried to pass responsibility. Or as Site Manager put it "that cowardly slope-shouldered turd would have shat all over me to save his own skin". Can turds shit? Luckily, the Project manager has proof, in the form of an email, that Noisy Gobshite ordered the work. Noisy Gobshite tried to persuade/bribe him not to pass it on to the people investigating this for the local authority planning department. When that didn't work he tried to threaten him. That backfired because not only did Project Manager ignore the threats, but he told the investigators that Noisy Gobshite told him to "lose" the email. I have a lawyer friend who tells me that interfering with a witness and destruction of evidence are offences in themselves. Noisy Gobshite won't stop digging himself a deeper hole. I am going to be so disappointed if he gets away without legal consequences. He is definitely suffering though. The big news of the week. Noisy Gobshite has been fired. David announced it yesterday (Saturday) after he was told by no less than four different employees of ACC. He said they couldn't wait to tell him. Then the conversation went like this: Me: "How is that fucking possible? How does the owner get fired? Did he walk up to a mirror and say You're as much use as Anne Frank's drum kit, you're fired". David: "Nope. You know he inherited the business from his Dad and Uncle?" Me: "Yep". David: "You know his brother and cousin own a slice each?" Me: "Yep" David: "Well, their combined share is over 50%. So they fired him. According to Louise, the Accounts Manager, they are pissing their pants. They were happy to leave Noisy Gobshite in charge as long as the money rolled in but now their golden goose looks very sick. They're terrified that losing this contract and the penalties and fines will finish the business. So, they're appealing to the client/property owner to take ACC back to finish the contract. Part of that involves convincing the building owner that Noisy Gobshite will never have anything to do with the company. Obviously, they're throwing Noisy Gobshite under the bus. Louise said there was screaming and threats of violence from Noisy Gobshite when they fired him. He had to be "escorted" off the premises. He's been phoning employees asking questions and seems surprised when people don't want to help him. According to Louise he actually thinks the employees like him and want to be loyal to him. She said the man is in cloud cuckoo land" Me: "He's going to be so pissed off, I wish I could see that numpty's face as it was happening". David: "It's nothing that the scrote doesn't deserve. There is something else, but I can't tell you because I promised the person who told me that I wouldn't tell anyone yet" Me: "You fucking tease. How important is it?" David: "It's huge. Life changing for the subject. I wish I could tell you because it nearly gave me a hard-on" Me: "Fucking hell, it must be big if it can get that ugly appendage to do anything except hang there like the last chicken in the shop. Your wife must have been pleased" David: "What a drama. She thinks I should tell her this thing I was told in confidence. She thinks I should be able to tell her everything because we're married. I explained it's not my secret to share. I was hoping I'd get I appreciate you have integrity dear husband but no, I've got an angry Mrs who thinks I'm a knobhead". (Louise and her job title have been changed to protect the innocent) It seems like it will be a couple of months before he can give me this awesome news so I don't want any of you holding your breath. The client/building owner has done their inspection. Two areas are unacceptable as expected. The damaged area and the part that David should have done but was done by Stefan. They are very unhappy. When listed buildings are damaged the local authority normally assumes it's the owner taking shortcuts but in this case the owner is a crusty old institution dedicated to preserving important buildings. They're not used to being accused of anything shady so they did not like having to prove they had nothing to do with the damage to the building. David said "It looks like they've written off ACC because they've issued a type of request for tenders to several other contractors who specialise in conservation" He then spilled a lot of jargon I neither understood or remembered Me: "in simple English they have asked a few companies to quote a price for the job" David: "That's a very simplistic way of describing it but i don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you, so ok, let's say they're asking for prices for the job". "Condescending twat!" So I was hoping this story would build up to a crescendo with Noisy Gobshite suffering something horrible but it's just sort of fizzled out with a whimper while we wait to see what legal action is going to be taken. Real life is inconveniently slow. ***OOPs PERSONAL LIFE UPDATE*** 21/1/2020. Hi, this is Mark's wife. The idiot asked me to apologise to the internet for his silence. He was hurt in a car accident on 7th January. We're sure he's going to make a full recovery but he won't be online for a while. I said it's just Reddit but he's an obsessive lunatic about not letting people down so I promised I would add Reddit to the list. So here I am telling all the people that he doesn't know why he hasn't finished telling them something they're probably not reading anyway. 3/2/2020. Hi, Mark's wife again.There were over 200 direct messages. Thank you all for your comments and for wishing him well. I've read them all to him.I'm going to answer the three most common questions. What happened to Mark? He was stationary in his car in a queue to leave the motorway when a large lorry drove straight into the back of him. His car was crushed between that lorry and the lorry in front of Mark. He has several broken bones. Nose and Left orbital and cheekbone, left radius and ulna (forearm), 4 bones in left hand, Right tibia and fibula(lower leg), 4 ribs, one of which punctured his left lung. There is some damage to the central vision of his left eye which we hope is temporary. He has some damage to the tendons in his right hand which need more surgery. Lots of cuts. Total of 112 stitches. He looks like a mess but there is a chance that he might recover without any permanent damage. If it was me I wouldn't cope but he has always been as tough as nails for as long as I've known him. When I first got to the hospital and he was lying there covered in blood and wires and tubes and he couldn't speak properly I went to pieces. He had me laughing within minutes. He's always been good at knowing the right thing to say. The thing that is bothering him most right now is not being able to use his hands. When will he update the story? It could be a while. I could ask the friend he has called "David" for an update but I definitely can't tell a story like Mark can. Obviously I'm biased, but I think Mark is the funniest man I've ever met. When he and "David" get started I laugh so much I can hardly breathe. For now, I've told him to forget about everything except getting well but if it starts to bother him I've told him I'll do some secretary roleplay and he can dictate the story to me. I know he will finish it. He always finishes what he starts. I wish I had a tenth of his self-discipline. A few have asked if they can send him cards or gifts or money to help with medical bills or lost earnings. Thank you so much for offering but it's not necessary. We're in the UK so, thankfully, healthcare is free. He doesn't want anyone's money. If anyone feels the need to do something there is a charity that we have supported for a long time called Macmillan Cancer Support. You can donate at [https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate](https://www.macmillan.org.uk/donate). They are always grateful for any amount big or small. ​ [**FINAL UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/gow8cn/update_re_do_you_know_who_i_am_backfires_on/) \- 23rd May 2020 22/05/2020 - This username /u/MostlyGruntled belonged to my husband Mark. He wrote the story about his friend "David" and a business owner he called "Noisy Gobshite". Mark had been updating the story until he was involved in a car accident in January. At that time he asked me to let everyone know that he was injured and he would update the story when he had recovered. Unfortunately, just over a week after my last comment Mark passed away. Everyone thought he was recovering but without warning he suddenly became unconscious and died very quickly. The staff tried everything they could to save him but he had suffered a "ruptured aorta". They said it had probably been damaged during the accident and isn't uncommon in car crashes. I'm sorry I didn't update this sooner but to be honest I completely forgot about this website. It was only when I came back to read Mark's words again that I saw how many people were waiting for Mark to finish the story. I don't know how many people will see this update but if you know anyone who was waiting for Mark to reply would you please pass this news to them. Thank you. Thank you to the hundreds of people who left get well messages for Mark. I'm so sorry that I ignored you all for so long but I've been dazed for the last three months. Mark would most definitely have disapproved of my leaving everyone in limbo and would have told me off. Many thanks to the people who made donations to Macmillan Cancer Support although it seems strange to see money "donated in the name of MostlyGruntled". Finally, thank you to the moderators, particularly /u/Merari01 for helping me by explaining how I could inform everyone. 24/05/2020 - I can't thank you all enough for the lovely words and virtual hugs that I have seen over the last day. I have cried for hours . It's hard to explain what "good crying" is when you lose someone. Anyone who has lost a loved one will probably understand. Because of your posts and messages most of today has been "good crying". Your words have made me think about all of Mark's wonderful qualities and all the reasons I loved him so much.I started writing the update and then abandoned it about 8 times before finally finding some bravery. I'm so glad I did it. Thank you again to the moderator /u/Merari01 for the last little push I needed. It's also made me realise that I want to do one more thing that Mark would have wanted. He always finished what he started. I'm going to speak to his friends and find out what has happened. I know some of it already but I'll try to get myself up to date with everyone's outcomes. I warn you in advance it will NOT be like Mark's writing. It will just be the facts. I haven't got an ounce of Mark's flair for telling a story but its obvious from the comments that a lot of people were waiting for a conclusion. The plain facts will have to do. Please be forgiving. I'm going to speak to the person he called "David" (who has been an absolute rock for me this year). Hopefully he will be able to tell me everything. I'll enter the update as soon as I can. Thank you all SO much. You have no idea how much this has helped. 25/05/2020- Yesterday I was having a better day, mainly because of what you all wrote. Today I woke up angry and I can't shake it. Today is a public holiday in England and I keep thinking about what we would be doing if Mark was here. He never wasted a holiday. I'm angry because I have lost the best person I have ever known in my life just because some selfish idiot couldn't wait to reply to a text message. I can't get over the stupidity and the unfairness. He will go to prison, but only for a few years, but nothing will bring my Mark back. Sorry people, I just needed to vent. Please, please, please don't use your phone when you're driving and don't tolerate it if you see others doing it. 3/6/2020 - I would like to mention two things. Firstly, may I thank everyone who has made a comment. The beautiful things you have all said about Mark have lifted my spirits. I didn't imagine they would, which is why I took so long to inform you that Mark had passed away. But you did help. Even when what you said was so touching that I broke down, which I have done dozens of times reading the wonderful words. Secondly, May I apologise for not yet responding to every comment. On some days I feel I could talk about Mark all day. On others I can't even think about him without going to pieces. If I haven't responded to your individual comment it's not that I haven't read it, I've read all of them. It's just that I have been in a bad place some of the time and I can't reply. I will eventually reply to everyone, just as I did, very slowly, with the cards at the time of his funeral and since. I didn't think I would get through them all. It seemed that I was climbing a mountain that wouldn't stop growing but I eventually replied to them all. All 322 of them. Finishing what I start is one of several good habits I caught from Mark. I just want to hear him call me cariad again (Cariad isn't my name. It's a Welsh word for love) 27/07/2020. 3.10 a.m. Wow. I haven't been online for a few days and suddenly there are hundreds of messages. I can't sleep again and it occurred to me that I could update what happened to each of the people Mark had written about. It's just the facts. It won't have Mark's humour or style. Just plain information but it's the best I can do and better than nothing. Site Manager. He started as planned in the new position on a building project for a distribution centre. Mark had already said what Site Manager and David were unhappy about. Being on a fixed 18 month contract as a self employed person was a disadvantage compared to being an employee. But that was before the coronavirus. After the virus hit most of the employees were laid off, some were furloughed, but because of the contract the company had to keep paying the Site Manager in full. What he thought was a bad thing turned out to be his saviour. Noisy Gobshite. The last that David could tell me about Noisy Gobshite was that he has been forced to divest his share of the business so he no longer owns a third. He had to sign a personal liability agreement regarding his assets in the event of total liabilities being greater than the value of the company. The way I understand that is that if, for example, the total bills for Noisy Gobshite's mistakes are more than the company can pay, then Noisy Gobshite must pay the extra even if that means he loses his house. He had to give up his share of the business because they couldn't keep trading if he was involved. He needs them to keep going to pay the lawyers. He hasn't been charged with a crime yet but it's certain that he will. They take a long time investigating and preparing before they charge him. Something to do with needing to be ready to go to court once he is charged. It also came to light that he had a warning for similar but much more minor damage to a listed building in 2011. David has been told that during the investigation some "irregularities" we're discovered by the local authority and were referred to HMRC (the tax man) and Noisy is also being investigated for VAT fraud. One of the earliest comments on Mark's story said "expensive cup of coffee". An understatement if ever I've seen one. The big news was going to be about Noisy Gobshite and the sexual assault/rape of one of the P.A.s in the ACC offices in 2017 and sexual harassment of other staff too. The rape/assault did happen but wasn't Noisy Gobshite. It was a former Finance Director. Stories about sexual harassment of female staff have not developed and turned out to be just rumour. David. Financially and workwise he is probably one of the few people who were not affected by the covid19 outbreak. Because he works on his own and has no social distancing issues he has continued almost as usual. He said work is easier because, in his words "the usual plonkers are not there to trip on my equipment or stick plank ends into my finished work". Personally, David is not doing so well. Outside of family David took Mark's death worse than anybody. He tries not to show it in front of me. When he is with me he is a rock. He has saved me from myself. He is one of three people where I feel I can really let go about Mark. Or so I thought. I spoke to David's wife last week and she was so sweet and sympathetic about it but she had to tell me to hold back a little with David. He looks strong to me but his wife says it's shattering him. I knew he and Mark were good friends. She says he has taken Mark's death very badly. She says in all their marriage she only saw him cry once when their dog died. She didn't see him cry when his parents passed. She says he seems lost now and has cried quite a few times. The worst thing to hear is that the time he cries is after he has been to see me. I feel terrible. It's obvious that he was grieving but I didn't know I was putting so much on him. I'm going to be more careful and stop using him to vent all my pain. I wish she had spoken sooner. Or maybe I should have been aware of it instead of being so selfishly focussed on my own grief. That's as much as I know about the updates. They are waiting to see what Noisy gets charged with. If he is guilty of damage to listed buildings he might go to prison. If he is guilty of VAT fraud he'll almost definitely go to prison. Either way the fine will e six figures. David said he wondered if he'd like prison coffee. He's got evil sense of humour. 27/07/2020 5.30 a.m. When I came online earlier there were notifications for 512 private messages and comments. I don't know where to start. If you've written PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't think I'm ungrateful because I haven't replied. At 3.10 a.m. I felt able to write so I did the update. Right now I don't think I can do it. I have been looking at the video of our wedding. I thought it would make me feel better but I feel like I've been knocked over by a bus. Mark's speech has crushed me. He talked about when we met and when he went back to the house he shared with other Royal Marines. One of them asked Mark "what's the joke?" Then again "you're grinning about something, come on, what's so funny?" Mark said he couldn't and wouldn't explain it to them. He just couldn't stop smiling every time he thought about our date. He said he felt like that every time he thought about me. On our wedding day it made me smile and brought a tear to my eyes but this morning it broke me. I don't think the pain is getting easier. I think it's getting worse. I can't stand it. I feel it all through me and I can't stop it. All I can think lately is that if I can't have him back I wish I had been in the car with him. He was an atheist and he always said "this is all you get so don't dare waste any of it" so he wouldn't approve of me hurting myself so I don't think I can. It's just so hard to carry on with this pain. I just want it to stop. I'm sorry to carry on like this. I daren't say this to people I know because they worry but writing here is like screaming into a diary. My apologies to everyone. Ill try to get a hold on things but I miss him SO much and I can't stop it hurting. I don't know what to do. Nos Da Cariad 31/08/2020 17.25 Since I last updated this submission I've replied to quite a lot of messages. Hundreds. But I didn't get through them all. I can't read/see any more of the messages in chat but the screen says I still have 92 waiting. If you didn't get an answer you're in the 92. It was our anniversary yesterday 30th August. I was dreading it but then when it came it was sort of empty. I watched our wedding video. I cried. I answered some messages. Half way through one message I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realisation that all the happiness I will ever have in my life has already happened. And finished. Everything I try to do in the future is just going to be overwritten with "Mark should be here but he isn't". Everything from here until I die is just going to be existence. Just breathing and watching the days pass. It seems so pointless without Mark. I don't know if I can write any more. Thank you to everyone who offered their help. You're lovely people. Hold on to the people you love like you might lose them tomorrow. Don't do what I did and assume you can carry on in your own little heavenly bubble forever. Some careless idiot can snuff out everything you love in the blink of an eye leaving you with nothing ahead of you. Bye. ​ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
3,070
2022-12-30T16:26:23
Part 2/2. An absolutely riveting SAGA of David VS Noisy Gobshite
REPOST
raredontstare
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz4nj6/part_22_an_absolutely_riveting_saga_of_david_vs/
false
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zz6g8s
**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/Waltz-428](https://www.reddit.com/user/Waltz-428/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Since this is a story about cellos, I figured I'd offer you a cello fun fact: The oldest cello in existence is called "The King." Andrea Amati built it between 1538 and 1560. It's kept in the National Music Museum in South Dakota. ([Source](https://stagemusiccenter.com/music-school-blog-winchester-acton-ma/2019/9/6/cello-history-fun-facts-and-benefits-of-learning)) **Mood Spoiler:** >!Fucking wholesome!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsg5gi/wibta_for_giving_my_old_cello_to_a_fellow_student/)**: December 22, 2022** I've (36M) been learning the cello for 8 years and attending the same music school since starting, I started learning late in life because I grew up in a poor family that couldn't afford things like instruments and music lessons. I met Chloe while we were both waiting to go into our lessons a few years back, we speak often about random stuff on the regular because our lessons have always fallen into the same timeslot and we're both in the orchestra etc. She's about 13, very polite and eager to learn and treats her, very cheap rubbish instrument that her parents got for her from an online store like gold, I know her parents they're lovely people, it's all they can afford, I'm not shaming them but if you know anything about instruments you know what I mean, it's also only 1/2 size and far too small for her but there's not a single scratch on it and she practises ever spare minute. I've recently upgraded to a performer instrument and a trade in on my $9k cello would have gotten me only 4k back so I decided to keep it and sell it myself. I'm pretty well off now but I know what it's like to be where Chloe is, so I've taken pity? On her, I usually gift her something at Christmas, like her next grade of music book, rosin and a gift card from the local luthier to get a new bow and have her instrument serviced but having not had time to list my old cello for sale or even know where to, my good deed strings got plucked at thinking that my old instrument would likely mean the world to someone like Chloe who's parents will likely never afford a decent instrument for her but stupid me, mentioned this idea to my sister-in-law Gale, who has a daughter (14F) We'll call her Alice, and she told me that Alice wants to learn the cello and insisted that I give the instrument to her daughter instead as it's "too valuable to give to a stranger's kid" Alice is her own little dude and we get along quite well but she has never mentioned wanting to learn an instrument to me until she watched Wednesday and now "it's cool" all of a sudden. Alice, hasn't stuck with anything for long, she follows fads and jumps from one thing to another and is for lack of a better word spoilt and based on her track record, handing her anything other than a student cello as her first instrument would be a waste as I'm unable to convince myself that she would even practise let alone reach a point that would call for this level of instrument, where Chloe is at a point where yes this instrument is slightly too big for her right now but she needs it and call me what you'd like for this part but I'd feel happier about giving it away to someone that needs it like Chloe rather than someone that just wants it but is connected to me, you know? But that has me worried that I might be seen as an ahole on this decision, family first? The music school is putting on Christmas carols tonight and I intend to gift the cello to Chloe at the end but I'm still conflicted about it. ***Relevant Comment:*** "Pity was a terrible word to pick tbh, I just couldn't think of the word I'd have preferred.. Relate! Is what I mean but couldn't think of it, i can relate to Chloe's position from my own experience in being from a poor background. The word count didn't allow me to be more descriptive and I had to chop a lot of what I described of their family, I didn't mean to come off as thinking of them being beneath me in anyway, I just see a lot of my own upbringing in them and it doesn't bring back terrific feelings." ***OOP is voted NTA, with almost everyone saying he should give the cello to Chloe (after talking to her parents.)*** **Update** [Comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zsg5gi/wibta_for_giving_my_old_cello_to_a_fellow_student/j18jvgi/?context=3)**: Later that night** Wow, so many comments, thank you to everyone that took the time to help me steady my nerves on this one and point me in what I felt was the right decision from the start but second guessing myself. I've just gotten home from the carols. Some people mentioned asking Chloe's parents for permission to gift her the cello and I'm glad this was mentioned because it was something that I hadn't considered and it led to what I feel was the perfect outcome. Everyone had settled after the students had finished the show and parents and volunteers brought cakes etc to share and everyone was standing around chatting, Chloe ran off to join the line to get her bag of lollies and goodies and it gave me a moment to approach her folks without having to mention my intension in front of Chloe before knowing how it would be received by them. I was nervous as hell but opened with my usual compliments on Chloe's playing (she played What Child Is This, in a quartet and it was perfect) and I made a light hearted joke about her growing too quickly and dwarfing her cello now. Her parents laughed but went on to mention how they've been saving to buy her a bigger one and that they didn't want to go cheap this time like they had with her first couple, having learned a lot very quickly about quality but when they'd taken Chloe to the luthier with the intention of getting her one for Christmas, they'd been disappointed to find out that they hadn't saved enough for the quality that Chloe needed and that they'd been devastated despite Chloe understanding and taking the revelation quite well. Figuring that a new cello was kind of something they'd worked hard on getting for Chloe, I decided to try and get them in on the idea and asked them how much they'd saved and would they be interested in buying my old one as I had a new one now and had no need for it but I didn't notice that Chloe had approached back from the line and she piped up with a low tone that they hadn't even saved enough for the student quality instruments, let alone mine (she has a good idea of how much instruments are worth) I stumbled on my words a little but I went on to insist on knowing how much they'd saved and her mother told me that they'd saved around $1600, I told them that that sounded like a good enough offer to me and that I'd be happy to know that it was being played and cherished by someone like Chloe that would take good care of it and I held out my hand to shake on the deal. No one answered for what felt like an hour to me! Chloe's father finally responded and told me that they couldn't accept it as Chloe had pointed out an instrument of equal value to mine to them while they were in the shop and he didn't feel it was right to take it for anything but a fair value and that they couldn't afford to do that. I'll admit that I felt a little bit annoyed by his initial good mannered refusal but I understood it as I was raised by similar minded parents with the same values but I told her parents that it was an offer that I felt that they really couldn't pass up as it was something that I felt Chloe had earned and needed desperately and that even if they didn't accept my offer I was going to give it to Chloe anyway and I turned and placed the hard case in front of the shocked and dead silent Chloe and walked away. Chloe's father approached me while we were helping pack up the entertainment hall and he gave me a hug and thanked me, promising to drop off the money at my shop in the morning and offering to help me out if ever I needed anything, for a stubborn bloke like that to be as red and teary as he was makes me sure that I did the right thing in making him accept the cello like I did. Chloe was visibly quite emotional but trying not to show it but she broke down after mouthing thank you to me as everyone was leaving and I found it extremely hard to keep my composure and could only manage a smile and a thumbs up in return. I think I'm going to be riding this high for a good while. The best thing is I can tell Gale that I sold it without having to lie and I can toss up the idea of using the money Chloe's dad pays me for the cello to buy a reasonable second hand learner's instrument for Alice. Again thank you too for the responses and advice. ***Relevant Comment:*** Wow! This blew up... Wasn't expecting this, I've read a lot of the replies and greatly appreciate the awards and the idea that this put a smile on people's faces. While the idea of getting Chloe's old instrument to give to Alice would be a great idea, the issue with it is that Chloe's cello is only 1/2 size and would be far too small for Alice who definitely needs a full sized instrument and according to Chloe's dad when he popped in today, Chloe was saying that she'd like to keep her old instrument as it is sentimental to her but he was eventually able to convince her into them trying to sell it because the one that I gave her will need maintenance, services and to be insured (which I'm in full support of them doing). I've decided to keep the peace with my in-laws as best I can, I shut my shop early today and drove a few towns over to pick up a decent 2nd hand cello for Alice that I spotted on fb marketplace a while back that was thankfully still available, it's black which is her go to colour for everything, so hopefully Alice will appreciate the colour more as mine was a polished mahogany red, it needs a service but it's a good instrument and came with a hard case, a decent bow, rosin and preliminary grade music books... Sold by parents that purchased it for their son that never picked it up after getting it... Let's hope that's not a sign of it's future and that Alice proves me wrong (Then I might just end up being the ahole after all) Gale, has a greedy streak in her yes but I'm trying to convince myself that she wasn't just seeing dollar signs and hopefully just wanted a good quality instrument for Alice to learn on, she tends to try and not go for bottom of the line in anything when she purchases something for her kids as she does like to point out stuff's value when she does get something (Yes she's one of those people) and claims that she isn't aware of how abrupt and rude she is at times, her real middle name is actually Karen lol! And we've often joked about it affecting her behaviour at times but she doesn't appear to be learning from it. Thank you again for all the feedback and I'm glad that I was able to share the good vibes around that I got out of this, Merry Christmas and a happy new year to you all. **As a professional musician, this whole post made me so freaking happy. Wishing OOP and Chloe further success in their cello studies. And hopefully Alice sticks with cello!**
7,139
2022-12-30T17:39:18
WIBTA for giving my old cello to a fellow student in need and not my niece-in-law?
CONCLUDED
LucyAriaRose
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz6g8s/wibta_for_giving_my_old_cello_to_a_fellow_student/
false
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zz6nxe
[removed]
1
2022-12-30T17:47:52
AITA for asking my bf to stop sharing everything with my sister?
REPOST
[deleted]
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz6nxe/aita_for_asking_my_bf_to_stop_sharing_everything/
false
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zz7aob
Originally posted by u/throwaway0934672 in r/AmItheAsshole on Dec 11, '22, updated Dec 12, '22. [Original post ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zjfi6d/aita_for_asking_my_friend_not_to_cook_beef/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) AITA for asking my friend not to cook beef burgers in my home? I [29F] have been friends with Jane [29F] for most of my life. She is like a sister to me. Jane is not vegan but my family and I are. My mother is especially strict about animal products being brought into the house and I share her values. This has never been an issue and Jane and her family have always been accommodating and mindful of this. Obviously Jane was welcome to wear whichever clothes she wanted in our home but my mom asked that if she wanted to eat at ours, that she ate our meals or if she wanted to bring snacks that they were free of animal products. This was never an issue. Fast forward to last weekend. Jane has recently started dating Brian [34M]. They live about three hours away from me so I offered to host them for the weekend. They arrived late on Friday and I had already cooked and had dinner ready. They both seemed happy with the food. However the morning after I wake up and they are gone. I message Jane and she tells me they left to get groceries. I thought it was a little weird since my fridge was packed but didn't question it. When they came back I see that they have brought beef burgers and expected to be able to cook them for lunch. I was a bit surprised and asked Jane if she had forgotten about my rule. She sheepishly admits that no, she hadn't. She just didn't think I would mind this one time. Brian is one big question mark. I thought about dropping it but it made me uncomfortable. Not just because I don't like the food myself but because she went behind my back and put me in an awkward position with her new partner. I pulled her aside and told her as much and she begged me to drop it. Turns out she hadn't told Brian about my boundaries on this because "they are embarrassing". I reiterated that the boundaries were still in place and kindly asked her to not cook the food in my home. I offered to go out and get plant based burgers instead but she doubled down and called me a weirdo and stuck up. This was a shock to me because never in my 20+ years of knowing her has she ever mentioned this being an issue and tbh her words hurt. I told her to please pack her stuff and leave. She stormed off and told Brian they were leaving. She later texted me calling me an asshole for embarrassing her. Brian, bless his heart, had absolutely no idea about what was going on. I don't blame him for bringing the food into my house but Jane should've know better. I feel bad about the fight. I know my rules are not conventional and likely feel strange and inconvenient to those who have different dietary requirements. With that said, no one is forced to stay at my house and my boundaries are clear. I don't know if I should've dropped this or not. AITA? Edit: if anyone is interested then I've posted an update to this on my profile. Thanks. [Update the next day](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway0934672/comments/zkajoz/update_aita_for_asking_my_friend_not_to_cook_beef/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I know Reddit appreciates updates so I thought I'd give you one. Thanks to everyone who took the time to engage with the post. I appreciate it. This happened last weekend and due to the character limit on the post I didn't include any of our communications this week after the fact. I host dinner parties for friends and family on the regular. My guests know to expect fully vegan meals. I'm a rather good cook though I say so myself and take pride in my dishes. I regularly do full Indian dinners, Mediterranean (with a twist), Chinese or even just everyday comfort foods like mac and cheese, homemade soups and bread, Italian and there's always desserts. There's quite some misconception in place around vegan cuisine and that it's nothing more than rabbit feed and tofu. I enjoy introducing people to the other side (the one with spices!). No one leaves my home hungry unless they really want to. As I mentioned in the previous post, Jane and Brian left mine on Saturday. Jane messaged me soon after they left and she was too emotional for me to want to respond. I was also in a bit of a shock so I thought it would be best to cool off and have the conversation later. On Sunday evening I called her only for her to hang up on me. I messaged her and asked her to give me a call when she was ready. On Wednesday she called me and to make a long story short she expect me to apologise. I told her that I was sorry the trip ended this way but I wasn't sorry for enforcing rules in my own home - rules that she has known and followed since she was nine. She kept fighting me on it and insisted that it was a stupid rule and that "people eat meat. Get over it". I simply responded with "not in my home they don't". She then hung up again. On Friday morning I woke up to a Facebook message request from Brian. I accepted it and he thanked me for hosting them and apologised for overstepping. I assured him that he did nothing wrong and if Jane hadn't told him there was no way for him to know. As a side note, I cooked spaghetti bolognese for them on Friday and apparently he didn't even realise it wasn't vegan. Perhaps I should've told him it was but according to Jane he had no allergies so I just cooked and served. They both enjoyed the meal. Afterwards we had sorbet and black coffee and no comments there either. Brian then told me that she had indeed told him (Side note in case this is confusing; Brian didn't respond with this information until after I had posted my first post. He works long hours and we wrapped up our Friday chat last night when he had time to chat). The morning after I slept in and they woke up before me and helped themselves to breakfast in my downstairs kitchen. He had asked for milk in his coffee and she told him I only had oat. That sparked a conversation and she told him I'm vegan. According to him he didn't mind. He then suggested that they go out and shop for lunch and cook for us. During that shopping trip he suggested burgers and Jane said it was fine. They got beef and got me plant based sausages. Once they arrived at mine and he saw how uncomfortable I was he realised that Jane hadn't been honest, hence him looking like a walking question mark. I can only imagine how uncomfortable he must've felt standing like this in someone else's home with nowhere else to go and no real rapport with the homeowner. At this point in the conversation I was getting upset. Jane had knowingly put us into this position and embarrassed everyone. There was no need for this and if Brian is to believed then he had no problem with eating vegan for the weekend. I thanked him for contacting me and told him I'd have a word with Jane. He asked me to let him have a word with her first to make sure there was no misunderstanding on his part. Well apparently Brian wasn't happy with this either and he broke things off with Jane today. She called me absolutely hysterical this morning and told me that they had had a massive fight last night that lasted well into the morning. He stormed out and told her it was over. I tried my best to console her but she is very hurt and shocked. I told her to get some sleep and call me again later in the day. Around 4pm she called me again and apologised. She didn't get into the nitty gritty of the fight but it turns out that their relationship, albeit short, has been on shaky legs for a couple of weeks. She admitted that she does indeed think I'm a little stuck up for my rules but doesn't say anything since it's never been a real inconvenience for her. Wanting to keep Brian happy she just went along with his suggestions at the grocery store and hoped I'd make an exception. She's angry with us both for "going behind her back to discuss it" but after I sent her the conversation I had with Brian she said she understood. So that's where we are right now. Jane is my oldest and best friend and she made a bad call. She was feeling stressed about her relationship and struggling to keep face and she lashed out. I can forgive that and I will. I have invited her to come over between Christmas and NY so we can heal our friendship.
8,394
2022-12-30T18:12:44
Woman's Friend Wants To Cook Meat In Her Vegan Home (AITA Dec 12, '22)
CONCLUDED
KittenDealinMama
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz7aob/womans_friend_wants_to_cook_meat_in_her_vegan/
false
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zz7rsg
**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwawaybfandsister in r/amitheasshole** ---   [**aita for asking my bf to stop sharing everything with my sister?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ph9biz/aita_for_asking_my_bf_to_stop_sharing_everything/) - 3 September 2021 hi i'm 24f and have been dating my boyfriend (26m) for 5 years now. we grew up together as neighbors and were friends for a couple years before dating. i love him so much, and i want to marry him. his family is great and i adore them all, and he's great with my family too. he also formed a great relationship with my sister (21f). the issue is that i think their bond is *too* close. my bf and i live together, but he spends a lot of time with her. albeit i am sort of busy, i’m currently in grad school for engineering so i have to go to my classes. my bf works full time. my sister is currently “taking a gap year,” but that one year has extended from when she was 18. she comes over when i’m in seminars/classes. they have tons of inside jokes and share the same sense of humor and taste in movies. it makes me feel left out, but when i try to include myself they both stop being so enthusiastic and act like it’s super awkward to have me there. my sister and i were close growing up but started drifting when i went to uni. when my bf isn’t there and i talk to her, she becomes kinda cold and sometimes says rude things. once she told me to my face that i’m not good enough for him and that he deserves better (which made me cry for a couple days). he also gets her gifts for the most random achievements (like he got her a present for “making it through the week” even though she doesn’t do anything (she isn’t currently working or trying to pursue a hobby or interest, she’s just “taking it easy” (her own words))). don't get me wrong, i'm glad my bf and my sister are friends, but my major problem is that my bf tells her *everything.* literally everything. he tells her things he doesn’t tell me, and talks to her about me and our relationship. she knows all our issues and good parts, to a level of detail that i wouldn’t even tell my closest friends or parents. she even knows the grades i got on my midterms/finals and what i think about my manager (i work part time to contribute to our apartment - but i also get paid for my research which goes towards our needs as well), which i feel is unnecessary for her to know since i didn't tell her myself. i asked him to step back a bit and stop telling her things about me and our relationship but he was shocked and told me that i’m an asshole for even requesting it. now i feel guilty, so aita? Verdict: NTA **edit:** holy crap, this blew up. thank you all for your responses and advice, you've literally made me reconsider everything that i thought i knew. the consensus is that there is something shady going on with my bf and my sister, which just makes me want to vomit. i'm now reading into every interaction and conversation and i feel so naïve for not noticing the red flags. i'm going to take your guys' suggestions and set up some nanny cams in my apartment (either way, it'll be good security). if nothing happens, then it'll be reassuring, and if something does happen...well, i'll deal with that after. i'm going to drive to the store right now to pick up the cameras - i'll try to update soon, hopefully with positive news. **edit:** hi everyone, i have an update. for some reason i can't figure out how to post an actual update (and get mod approval and all that) so if you guys know how, please educate me! i'm so sorry, i should be smarter than this but i'm a bit out of it right now 😅 if i don't end up figuring it out i'll just update on this post, but i'd like to make one of those cool update posts if possible. thanks everyone again for your advice and support. **edit:** the mods helped me out! thanks guys, i'll type up my update right now, so look out for it! [**Update in comments:**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ph9biz/aita_for_asking_my_bf_to_stop_sharing_everything/hc3ugy0/) hi guys! ok so i know a lot of you are wanting an update. unfortunately the mods denied it but i think i'm allowed to post it here in the comments. also, yes i lost access to my account, which is why i have a new one, but i'll explain that afterwards. here's what happened: hi everyone, i have an update. unfortunately it's a bad one, but (fortunately?) i didn't have to wait very long to get it. so the last update i posted was before i went to go get some nanny cams. i set up the cams in hidden spots in our bedroom and living room area in our apartment. today happens to be my birthday (yay for 25!) and "D," my close friend (25f), wanted to take me for a day trip yesterday. my bf agreed and said that we'd do something the next day, on my birthday. i told him i'd be out from about 8 am and i'd be home by 8 or 9 pm, after D and i finished dinner. D took me out, but she noticed i was feeling a bit off (i was still thinking about the overwhelming number of responses telling me that something shady was going on). i ended up spilling everything while we were eating lunch. D was outraged on my behalf and agreed that something was off. she asked if i wanted to cut our day short and drop back home to see if anything was happening, and convinced me by saying that "it's better to find out today than tomorrow." (yes i realize we could've just checked the nanny cams but for some reason we forgot about them in the moment. i'm kind of glad i didn't check, because i would've started ugly-crying in public). i'm guessing most of you know what happened (it's so predictable, i'm kicking myself afterwards for not realizing). we drove back home around 4 pm. i caught them literally in the act (why were they doing it at 4 pm? i don't even know). i just kind of stood there with my arms folded and i hope with a badass resting bitch face on (although maybe it was more a "trying not to cry" face). my bf gave me a whole "it was an accident" spiel. i just ignored him and started packing my things. thank god our lease was up for renewal within the month. he begged me and eventually yelled at me for packing up. the funny thing is, i bought most of the furniture and supplies. so, me being slightly petty, packed as much as i could. D helped me and we loaded everything up in her car. we left some stuff that couldn't fit but i'll go back for that later. the whole time, my sister was sitting stoically wrapped in a robe on my couch (my poor couch). we went back to D's house and i had a breakdown. D, the angel that she is, provided me with ice cream and fuzzy blankets. my bf spammed me with calls and texts, ranging from "i'm sorry, please forgive me, i love you, it was only one time" to "this wasn't my fault, you should've been home more" (predictable). we decided to check the recordings, and lo and behold, it was definitely not just once. i am really sad that the sister who used to bake cupcakes and do karaoke with me could betray me this badly. my bf...well he was my first, and in hindsight, he didn't really contribute much anyways. i spent yesterday kind of rotating through being devastated, angry, and self-righteous, but today D pampered me all day so it wasn't so bad. thanks for everyone's support, and i hope that everyone has a good day! so after i wrote this all up and sent it to the mods, i went back to enjoying the rest of my birthday and D kept me distracted. i left my second laptop (it's an old, slow laptop and when i upgraded, i still kept it) at my apartment. turns out i had my email and stuff still signed in my my (now-ex) bf messed with it and i lost access to my emails and the original throwaway reddit account. but i did send what i had written to myself beforehand so that's why i can update here. i'm not sure if you guys will be able to see this but i hope you can. **edit:** also i forgot to add but i wrote up the actual update portion 2 days ago! lol it's not my birthday anymore but yeah hopefully that puts it in context. currently i've been staying with my friend and i've blocked both my ex-bf and my ex-sister. to be honest, it's a huge weight off my back, and i know this won't affect me forever.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
7,974
2022-12-30T18:32:00
AITA for asking my bf to stop sharing everything with my sister?
REPOST
toohottooheavy
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz7rsg/aita_for_asking_my_bf_to_stop_sharing_everything/
false
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zz9wmc
**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/throwra57643 in r/relationship_advice** ---   [**My partner and I planned a vacation together. His mom demanded she come and he let her.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zq5o55/my_partner_and_i_planned_a_vacation_together_his/) - 19 December 2022 My boyfriend (20M) planned a vacation for him and I (22F) over winter break. We have been together for only about 7 months. We stopped by his apartment to grab his stuff and his mom was there. She jumped in the backseat of his car and began talking to him in Spanish (I don’t speak Spanish, so not sure what was said). He explained to me that she was worried about us going on this trip because his car was old and that she didn’t want us to go. He said he was going to convince her to let us go and they both went into his apartment to talk. He came back a few minutes later, and she sat in the car again, this time with a huge bag packed. He said she began crying because of how worried she was and that she would be coming with us on the trip, but that she would stay in a separate hotel room. He paid for the whole trip so I don’t know if I have the right to be upset, but we’re 2 hours in to the 8 hour car drive and I’ve cried the whole time because I feel so overwhelmed. I find it weird that even though he’s an adult he let her completely change our vacation and I’m worried that this may cause problems in the future. I know he loves her very much, but shouldn’t he learn to say no to his mom? I’m not sure if I’m overreacting because I’ve been off my medications for a few days tbh. I may be overthinking this. What do I do? I’m so stressed, but I haven’t said or done anything yet because I don’t want to cause any problems. TLDR: My boyfriend planned a vacation for us. Right as we were about to leave, his mom began crying because she didn’t want us to go and said she needed to come with. He let her come with us.   [**[UPDATE] My partner and I planned a vacation together. His mom demanded she come and he let her.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zu3fcj/update_my_partner_and_i_planned_a_vacation/) - 24 December 2022 A lot of you suggested that I should’ve gotten out of the car as soon as his mom got in the car to come with us on our vacation. Unfortunately, I sort of panicked and froze in the moment which is why I did not end up doing that 😅 When we got to our destination, she did go into her own room, and I had a talk with my boyfriend about the situation. I told him that it wasn’t the original plan to have his mom come, that I didn’t know how her coming would help if an emergency did in fact happen with the car, and that this raised a lot of concerns about our future. I told him that, although I know he loves her very much, she can’t come everywhere with us just because she’s worried about him. He apologized and agreed that having her come was inappropriate and unnecessary. He said she cried and was freaking out about him going on vacation and wasn’t going to let him go at all, and that letting her come was “their compromise”, but that he can see this wasn’t okay to do. He agreed to have a talk with her, set firm boundaries in place, and not let this happen again. He seemed very sincere, but I told him that when we come back into town, I would still like some space to think things out. It was a very short vacation (only 3 days), so I did stay the whole vacation. I got home last night and have just taken time to myself so far to think things through about rather or not I’d be continuing or ending the relationship, and to allow my boyfriend to talk with his mom. If I do decide to stay with him, I’d be very adamant that nothing similar to this should happen again. A few of you asked about being off my medications — it wasn’t intentional, I got caught up with school and forgot to get my refill of my antidepressants before vacation. I think this may be why I cried so much over the ordeal lol Thank all of you for your comments and letting me know I wasn’t overreacting about the whole situation :,) It was much appreciated and made me feel like I wasn’t just crazy   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**
4,493
2022-12-30T19:59:59
My partner and I planned a vacation together. His mom demanded she come and he let her.
ONGOING
toohottooheavy
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zz9wmc/my_partner_and_i_planned_a_vacation_together_his/
false
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zzgpk2
[removed]
1
2022-12-31T00:45:16
Dog on dog attack video posted online. Owner of the attacking dog posts on Reddit asking for help.
INCONCLUSIVE
Nana0Nana
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zzgpk2/dog_on_dog_attack_video_posted_online_owner_of/
false
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zzi7bm
[removed]
5,843
2022-12-31T01:54:19
TIFU by reaching out to the girl who ghosted me
REPOST
toohottooheavy
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zzi7bm/tifu_by_reaching_out_to_the_girl_who_ghosted_me/
false
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zzs8kq
[removed]
1
2022-12-31T11:36:46
Choosing beggar groom pushes me too far and I threaten to delete his wedding photos
INCONCLUSIVE
[deleted]
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zzs8kq/choosing_beggar_groom_pushes_me_too_far_and_i/
false
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zzsejl
[removed]
1
2022-12-31T11:48:04
Choosing beggar groom pushes me too far and I threaten to delete his wedding photos
INCONCLUSIVE
Kissegrisen
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zzsejl/choosing_beggar_groom_pushes_me_too_far_and_i/
false
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zztguo
[removed]
1
2022-12-31T12:52:13
My same sex cuddle buddy wants to try kissing to experiment and sort out our feelings (PART 1)
CONCLUDED
[deleted]
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zztguo/my_same_sex_cuddle_buddy_wants_to_try_kissing_to/
false
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zztov7
[removed]
1
2022-12-31T13:04:32
My same sex cuddle buddy wants to try kissing to experiment and sort out our feelings (PART 1)
CONCLUDED
[deleted]
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zztov7/my_same_sex_cuddle_buddy_wants_to_try_kissing_to/
false
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** I am not OP. Original post by u/throwRA678901 on r/relationship_advice ** [My girlfriend thinks my girl -space- friend is crossing boundaries.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/) Dec 17 22 I (19M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (20F) for over 3 years, I’ve known her for 5. I’ve known my other friend (20F) for around the same time. My friend, who’ll we’ll call Greta, and I, talk a lot. Greta sometimes asks for things like for me to buy her expensive clothes and food and a lot of stuff. She also begs me to hang out with her and we shared locations. My girlfriend didn’t mind this until one day, while looking in my Find My app (not to snoop, but to look for something important on the app), saw that I had Greta’s location. My girlfriend (who we’ll call Fran) questioned me and asked me why she had my location, and I said it was because she asked and I gave it. She said she felt uncomfortable so I stopped letting Greta have my location. I thought it was dumb, sure, but I did for her security. A couple of days later, Greta questions why we stopped sharing locations. I state my girlfriend was uncomfortable. Greta said that Fran was insecure and that we couldn’t have anything because of her, and thar Fran didn’t like her and was controlling. I didn’t back Fran up and agreed that I thought the decision was stupid. This was two weeks ago. However, today, Fran found out, and she was livid. She was pissed that I would basically let Greta say these things about her, especially when some of them weren’t true. She also found it weird that Greta reacted badly to the location thing, especially when Greta expressed that she only does it for fun and that she doesn’t care or check. She basically thinks now that Greta doesn’t know her place as her friend and she doesn’t know boundaries because she says Greta made up lies about her because she had never said anything bad about Greta, and that she stated a boundary and that we basically shat all over her. She stated that she needed a boyfriend who was going to defend her from people who say bad things about her. Fran says it’s up to me who I’m friends with but she’s extremely hurt I let Greta say all this stuff without backing her up. I do agree that now after talking that some of Greta’s behavior is weird but I don’t know what else to do. Any advice? Edit: Woah, thanks for the much needed brutally honest advice. When I get up tomorrow, I’m going to talk to my girlfriend and tell her everything, and then I will deal with Greta. TL;DR: My girl best friend crosses boundaries, talked about my girlfriend, girlfriend is pissed. Don’t know what to do. [Editor's Note: OOP seems pretty clueless and many responses are really great, giving good advice and being really patient with him. I've included a few, but the whole thread is a good read] [Commenter:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j0k8sde) >Just why? >* Greta sometimes asks for things like for me to buy her expensive clothes and food. >* We share locations. >Valid: >* My girlfriend questioned me and asked me why she had my location. >Bad: >* Greta said that Fran was insecure and that we couldn’t have anything because of her >Wrong: >* I didn’t back Fran up and agreed that I thought the decision was stupid. >Understandable: >* Fran found out, and she was livid. She was pissed that I let Greta say these things about her, when some of them weren’t true >Greta directly challenged your GF right here: >>I state my girlfriend was uncomfortable. Greta said that Fran was insecure and that we couldn’t have anything because of her, and that Fran didn’t like her and was controlling. >The dynamics of your friendship with Greta is abnormal. Why do you buy her expensive shit? Why do you let her talk smack about your GF? Why are you sharing locations with her? >I don't know if you're the weird one in this situation. But Greta sounds like an odd character... [OOP's Response:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j0k9ikz) >>She wants me to buy her expensive things, for example, a sports jersey that was on sale. When Fran found out, she said she was hoping there’s no way I was actually buying it for Greta, I said yes. I decided not to after seeing how mad Fran got. There have been times where she would ask me to get UberEats for her and I would say no. I also shared my family Netflix account with her, and when Fran found out she was VERY MAD. Whenever she (Greta) has dumb requests, I always say no now. >>To answer the question about why I shared the location with her, she basically said “let’s share locations” and I responded with ok. >>And Greta didn’t talk about Fran until now and because I thought the location thing was dumb too because Fran felt sharing your location with others was for significant others and family members only, I didn’t see the problem with the location because it’s not like she’s going to come find me. Plus she shares her location with others. However, I find it suspicious that she had such a big reaction to Fran’s boundary. [Another Commenter:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j0kcvcs) >Dude you have two girlfriends. That’s the problem 😂 >You’re treating someone that isn’t your girlfriend, better than your girlfriend. And then siding with that person in arguments. You’re choosing her over your girlfriend on many levels. This isn’t cool. >Set some boundaries or you’re going to lose Fran. Also stop buying random girls stuff. >If you don’t reserve some things just for your partner, she’s bound to feel betrayed and unimportant. [Yet Another Commenter:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j0kh9ot) >baby, listen, i'm a 45 yr old mom, take this as mom advice. >you done fucked up ! >Greta wants you and you either like the attention or are stupid (sorry). >Fran should be upset. If you are putting your man bits into someone you should ALWAYS have that person's back. >You need to break up with both of them. You have feelings about Greta that you can't even explain, and that isn't fair to Fran. and Fran shouldn't be with you because you are a mean boy that comes awefully close to trash talking his GF to his BFF. By not standing up for Fran and her boundries you are basically laughing about her with your BFF. >If you don't want to make a clear choice, then cut contact with both. This isn't fair to Fran, and you will NEVER EVER NEVER have a healthy relationship with anyone until you figure your shit out with Greta. [OOP Replies:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j0khgjq) >>I really like my girlfriend, and I want to continue my relationship with her. [Commenter's Reply:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j0knw6y) >>>then cut off Greta HARD. tell her **WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND THERE** that you are done with Greta. She is inappropriate and you are uncomfortable with things between you 2. Then block her on everything, don't talk to her again. and the MINUTE Greta contacts you, tell your gf. >>>Greta is doing the classic power play. She may not want you, but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. She wants to keep you in her stable "just in case". Greta WILL contact you again after you cut contact, or will try. She will blame your GF for everything. If you have mutual friends with Greta, tell them EXACTLY what is going on. >>>If you really want to be with your GF, then you fight for her. You stand up to "friends" or family that want to talk shit about her if she hasn't done anything to them. >>>Stay strong darling. [One More:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zo0fct/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j0k9560) >Greta begs you to hang out. Wants to know your location and is spreading lies about your gf. Since you haven't figured it out, Greta is trying to get out of the friendzone. >You failed your gf by agreeing w Greta. You're lucky she didn't dump you already. >And just so you do better in the future, don't ever say "my gf made me", try saying, "After discussing it w gf, I agreed it was inappropriate and disrespectful to gf and I stopped sharing my location w you." >And when Greta starts saying shit about your gf, you tell her to shut it because you don't want to hear it. Let Greta go be a mean girl somewhere else. Oh, and just so you're aware, Greta is most likely saying way worse stuff about your gf than she ever says to you. Greta is jealous. Super jealous. [UPDATE: My girlfriend thinks my girl -space- friend is crossing boundaries.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zqsd7p/update_my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend/) Dec 21 22 Thanks to everyone who had things to say to me. I appreciate it as they were all things I really needed to hear. Well, here’s the update. I did try to post a slight update, but now that everything is settled (and it’s been 48 hours), I can tell you everything. Fran had gone through my phone and found out about what I had said that way. She apologized for that and has guaranteed that she won’t do it again, but said she had been suspicious ever since Greta asked me to buy her things. We talked about it, and said that we’d communicate more. Also, I apologized because as a person pointed out, I had a tendency to say “Fran said no” like she was controlling me or shutting options down whenever Greta would ask to do something without a conversation. Examples like the no location, which I did realize was stupid. Fran asked me to give her a reason why the location was important and why it was important to share with her that wasn’t something like “because I want to”, and I was stumped. I couldn’t think of anything. And then I came to realization that I was absolutely stupid. Fran tried to reach out to Greta and talk to her about the location issue, which is the most recent issue, and more specifically the incident that included Greta talking about my girlfriend. Fran was really respectful and tried to get her point of view, which was slammed by Greta. Greta called my girlfriend insecure the whole time, told her off for looking through my messages, claimed that the boundaries Fran set were only set in place just for Greta, that she stood by what she said about her, and that the location thing wasn’t weird. This was silly even though some of the boundaries had been set in place far before she came. When Fran tried to tell her it wasn’t like that and clarified things, apologized for looking through the messages, and that she again didn’t appreciate the words said as she had never said anything negative about Greta. Greta again pulled the “insecure” card and said that since Fran still looked at our messages to find out about the situation, that she was insecure, and that she wasn’t going to sit and go back and forth with someone’s girlfriend who can’t trust her boyfriend (which she did, because we did talk things through). Fran is even more annoyed and has given up on talking to her, because Greta basically didn’t address anything she said. Fran told me that I need to talk to her, because the fact Greta is acting like Fran needs to let me do whatever I want with her is suspicious, and now I feel no respect for Greta. I talked to her and called her out. I said that Fran hadn’t done anything wrong. I was a dick that didn’t stand up for his girlfriend, and while I was laughing at her with Greta, I’ve realized I shouldn’t have done that. That she reacted really badly to Fran’s decisions, and said that Fran wasn’t targeting Greta, especially since those boundaries were there before and after her. She only apologized to me. But I fucked it up by being too forgiving and saying that we all played a part so that we should let it go. Fran said that the apology went well until I essentially started blaming everyone, and said while looking in my messages was WRONG, that did not even begin to compare to what Greta had done in return to me and her. I said that I wanted everyone to be happy, and my girlfriend exasperatedly said “Oh my god, dude! In this situation, you CAN’T have it all, and frankly, you SHOULDN’T. She is not worthy of the time you give her, and I find it absolutely insane you’d even want to consider staying friends with her and basically uplifting her feelings as well. You shouldn’t have done that.” She then did not talk to me for a while. I then texted Greta that an apology had to be issued to Fran. She didn’t respond for a couple of hours. I then texted her again and said that we couldn’t be friends because she doesn’t respect my girlfriend or the decisions we made mutually. Greta instantly responded and said that she would apologize. Fran is again somewhat frustrated because she says I shouldn’t have waited to hear what she had to say, and at this point she’s just trying to save her own ass. Fran says she cannot forgive Greta, and it would be a long time before she could even begin to think about ever forgiving her. Fran ultimately told me it was up to me about our friendship. For the time being, I’m ignoring Greta and not responding to her. Fran thinks I shouldn’t be friends with her regardless. It’s been a rough couple of days, and I am thankful that my girlfriend didn’t somehow break up with me, and I am really grateful for all of the advice that everyone has given me. I did realize that I am, to an extent, too nice for my own good. EDIT: Last thing, but for real this time. I have decided to cut ties with Greta, I know that this’ll keep happening again and again, and I know I need to put a stop to it. TL;DR: Realized I was a douche, apologized. GF talked to BFF, BFF was close minded and called her names the whole time. I told Greta off, and she only apologized to me. Asked Greta to apologize to girlfriend, and now BFF and I are no longer talking at the moment. [Commenter:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zqsd7p/update_my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend/j0zow5u) >Greta is not your friend, op. She sees you as her boyfriend and has been grooming you to accept that by manipulating you to treat her as a gf. Buy her things. Share your location. >*Let me ask this. If she asked for you to share locations as just a joke. How'd she know so fast you turned it off?* >She was keeping tabs on if and when you were with your gf, op. >Did you notice increases to her messages and wanting attention when you were at locations she'd assume you were with your gf? If yes, she was trying to steal your attention and piss your gf off. She wants to upset her. She wants her to blow up so she can paint your gf as the bad guy. Op, any sane gf would have a problem with this shit. >She has been trying to drive a wedge, op. And you've been somewhat blind to that. >Cut Greta loose. Tell her Fran is your so and you love her. She's the one you want to be with. And block her. Don't feel bad about it. She's fully aware of her manipulative ways. [One Final Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zqsd7p/update_my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend/j0znusd) >Your girlfriend is far more understanding than I would be. I would have given you the ultimatum she desperately needs to. >It’s fine to have friends and friends of the opposite sex, but the second you start disrespecting your partner and letting someone else trample all over them takes it way out of line. >I thought you were finally seeing the light in how **awful** Greta is, and I don’t just mean awful to Fran, I mean awful to you. She’s using you and not respecting your girlfriend or your relationship. This very much means she does not respect **you.** >When you started blaming everyone and not just Greta here and basically let her off scot free, your girlfriend is right - you can’t have it all and you shouldn’t want to. I would have said you can have Greta, packed my shit and left you. No way would I want to play second fiddle to a manipulator and overall disrespectful “friend.” >Also, Greta is crazy. Location sharing? She’s going to go boiled bunny on you when you finally wake up and cut her off. [Editor's Note: I hope OOP really has seen the light and truly cut Greta off for good, because I think the last commenter is right-- she will go boiled bunny at some point. ] Since everyone is asking, directing you to [this comment for details about boiled bunny.]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zzwjuh/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/j2eld4g) ** Reminder: I am not the Original Poster. **
5,400
2022-12-31T15:31:23
My girlfriend thinks my girl -space- friend is crossing boundaries
ONGOING
swtogirl
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zzwjuh/my_girlfriend_thinks_my_girl_space_friend_is/
false
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zzx36a
[removed]
1
2022-12-31T15:56:56
AITA for making my daughter share her presents with my stepdaughter?
CONCLUDED
anonziee
/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zzx36a/aita_for_making_my_daughter_share_her_presents/
false
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