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environs of Arthur's house had settled into a steady routine. It |
was Arthur's accepted role to lie squelching in the mud making |
occasional demands to see his lawyer, his mother or a good book; |
it was Mr Prosser's accepted role to tackle Arthur with the |
occasional new ploy such as the For the Public Good talk, the |
March of Progress talk, the They Knocked My House Down Once You |
Know, Never Looked Back talk and various other cajoleries and |
threats; and it was the bulldozer drivers' accepted role to sit |
around drinking coffee and experimenting with union regulations |
to see how they could turn the situation to their financial |
advantage. |
The Earth moved slowly in its diurnal course. |
The sun was beginning to dry out the mud Arthur lay in. |
A shadow moved across him again. |
"Hello Arthur," said the shadow. |
Arthur looked up and squinting into the sun was startled to see |
Ford Prefect standing above him. |
"Ford! Hello, how are you?" |
"Fine," said Ford, "look, are you busy?" |
"Am I busy?" exclaimed Arthur. "Well, I've just got all these |
bulldozers and things to lie in front of because they'll knock my |
house down if I don't, but other than that ... well, no not |
especially, why?" |
They don't have sarcasm on Betelgeuse, and Ford Prefect often |
failed to notice it unless he was concentrating. He said, "Good, |
is there anywhere we can talk?" |
"What?" said Arthur Dent. |
For a few seconds Ford seemed to ignore him, and stared fixedly |
into the sky like a rabbit trying to get run over by a car. Then |
suddenly he squatted down beside Arthur. |
"We've got to talk," he said urgently. |
"Fine," said Arthur, "talk." |
"And drink," said Ford. "It's vitally important that we talk and |
drink. Now. We'll go to the pub in the village." |
He looked into the sky again, nervous, expectant. |
"Look, don't you understand?" shouted Arthur. He pointed at |
Prosser. "That man wants to knock my house down!" |
Ford glanced at him, puzzled. |
"Well he can do it while you're away can't he?" he asked. |
"But I don't want him to!" |
"Ah." |
"Look, what's the matter with you Ford?" said Arthur. |
"Nothing. Nothing's the matter. Listen to me - I've got to tell |
you the most important thing you've ever heard. I've got to tell |
you now, and I've got to tell you in the saloon bar of the Horse |
and Groom." |
"But why?" |
"Because you are going to need a very stiff drink." |
Ford stared at Arthur, and Arthur was astonished to find that his |
will was beginning to weaken. He didn't realize that this was |
because of an old drinking game that Ford learned to play in the |
hyperspace ports that served the madranite mining belts in the |
star system of Orion Beta. |
The game was not unlike the Earth game called Indian Wrestling, |
and was played like this: |
Two contestants would sit either side of a table, with a glass in |
front of each of them. |
Between them would be placed a bottle of Janx Spirit (as |
immortalized in that ancient Orion mining song "Oh don't give me |
none more of that Old Janx Spirit/ No, don't you give me none |
more of that Old Janx Spirit/ For my head will fly, my tongue |
will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die/ Won't you pour me one |
more of that sinful Old Janx Spirit"). |
Each of the two contestants would then concentrate their will on |
the bottle and attempt to tip it and pour spirit into the glass |
of his opponent - who would then have to drink it. |
The bottle would then be refilled. The game would be played |
again. And again. |
Once you started to lose you would probably keep losing, because |