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Fry | You don't have to explain, Leela. You're you. That's all I need to know. | Leela | Goodbye, sweet goofbag. |
Leela | Goodbye, sweet goofbag. | Bender | I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod. |
Bender | I'll miss her, too, buddy. Dibs on her iPod. | Zoidberg | Dibs on her- ohh... |
Zoidberg | Dibs on her- ohh... | Hutch | Hey, Fry! Long time, man. |
Hutch | Hey, Fry! Long time, man. | Fry | Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to? |
Fry | Hey, Hutch! What have you been up to? | Hutch | Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself. |
Hutch | Same old, same old. Searching the dumpsters, protecting my thoughts with tin foil, peeing myself. | Fry | So, what brings you to Earth? |
Fry | So, what brings you to Earth? | Hutch | It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you. |
Hutch | It's top secret. Hey, take off your helmet and I'll think it to you. | Fry | Okay. Here goes. |
Fry | Okay. Here goes. | Fry | Where are you? And me? |
Fry | Where are you? And me? | Hutch | The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro. |
Hutch | The Great Hall of the Ancient Legion of Madfellows. Welcome, bro. | ALL | Welcome, bro. |
ALL | Welcome, bro. | Hutch | Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you. |
Hutch | Sorry I bashed your head in, buddy, but I had to. You see, the fate of the universe depends on you. | Fry | Yeah, I get that a lot. |
Fry | Yeah, I get that a lot. | Hutch | The Grand Curator will tell you more. |
Hutch | The Grand Curator will tell you more. | Fry | Take me to him. |
Fry | Take me to him. | Nine | Hey, man. |
Nine | Hey, man. | Fry | Hey. |
Fry | Hey. | Nine | So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk. |
Nine | So dig this, Fry. Our commune has been monitoring the universe's life energy for, like, a really long time, and we're grokking some super weird junk. | Fry | Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like grok and junk. |
Fry | Um, I don't mean to be rude, but it's kind of hard to take you seriously when you say junk like grok and junk. | Nine | What about commune? |
Nine | What about commune? | Fry | Especially commune. Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field. |
Fry | Especially commune. Come on, it's the fate of the universe, puff it up a little. Like you could say your ancient order is sensing deep upheaval in the cosmic life energy field. | Nine | The Green Chi generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown... |
Nine | The Green Chi generated a great upwelling of life across the cosmos. But then, for reasons unknown... | Fry | Ooh. Reasons unknown. Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer. |
Fry | Ooh. Reasons unknown. Now that's the sort of hook that grabs the attention of me, the viewer. | Nine | For reasons unknown... |
Nine | For reasons unknown... | Fry | Nice. |
Fry | Nice. | Nine | ...the Chi began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed. |
Nine | ...the Chi began to recede, and the diversity of life began to wither. The life forms we know today are but a fraction of a fraction of the magnificence that once existed. | Hutch | But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages. |
Hutch | But a bunch of dudes, right, they totally passed this far-out knowledge down through the ages. | Nine | (VO): Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs. |
Nine | (VO): Some with this knowledge were called prophets, some, fruitcakes. We, the Legion of Madfellows, are their heirs. | Fry | Neat. What's it got to do with me? |
Fry | Neat. What's it got to do with me? | Nine | Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chi. |
Nine | Ahh, pooperdoodle! I mean, pardon the omission. You see, after untold eternities, we have sensed a resurgence in the Chi. | Fry | Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save. |
Fry | Hey, that's the violet dwarf star that Leela wants to save. | Hutch | Freaking nailed it, corndog. |
Hutch | Freaking nailed it, corndog. | Nine | We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector. |
Nine | We believe this star heralds a new green age, and it's your destiny to be its shepherd and protector. | Fry | Me? Why? |
Fry | Me? Why? | Hutch | 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts. |
Hutch | 'Cause you got, like, no delta brainwave, man. The Dark Ones can't groove off your thoughts. | Fry | Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela. |
Fry | Cool. I can't wait to tell Leela. | Nine | No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear? |
Nine | No! If you tell anyone, then their thoughts could be read, and our enemies would know of our existence. For the sake of those you love, you must keep this secret. Do you foot-swear? | Fry | Oh, okay. I foot-swear. |
Fry | Oh, okay. I foot-swear. | Nine | Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man. |
Nine | Good. Now, to save the coming of the green age, you must stop this man. | Fry | I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter. |
Fry | I know him. Leo Wong. I work with his daughter. | Nine | Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf. |
Nine | Oh, good, that will cut about 15 minutes of explanation. You must gain Wong's confidence, infiltrate his organization and prevent him from destroying the violet dwarf. | Mr. | Wong: Looking for a job, eh? |
Mr. | Wong: Looking for a job, eh? | Fry | Yes, sir. Nothing fancy. I'm willing to start at the bottom and infiltrate my way up. |
Fry | I'm good at keeping nutcases. | Mr. | Wong: Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas. |
Mr. | Wong: Security guard gotta be tough. This idiot don't look like he could handle those feministas. | Fry | I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas. |
Fry | I look like an idiot who can handle those feministas. | Mr | Wong (Telepathically): He'll have to do better than that. |
Mr | Wong (Telepathically): He'll have to do better than that. | Fry | I'll have to do better than that. |
Fry | I'll have to do better than that. | Mr. | Wong: Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos? |
Mr. | Wong: Hmm. You and I think a lot alike. You really think you can stand up to those eco-freakos? | Fry | Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries. |
Fry | Sir, with me around, they'll be the least of your worries. | Tester | Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole. |
Tester | Stand by, men. And manly aliens. Prepare to test fire King Kong hole. | Sal | It workses. |
Sal | It workses. | Tester | Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete. |
Tester | Good job, men. And manly aliens. Construction of King Kong hole complete. | Frida | Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong. |
Frida | Typical. Always King Kong, never Queen... Quong. | Sal | What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs. |
Sal | What are those, hooks? Get out of heres, you hookers. This is my turfs. | Sal | Helpses! |
Sal | Helpses! | Leela | You go, gorilla ! |
Leela | You go, gorilla ! | Morbo | Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy. |
Morbo | Our top story. The string of eco-vandalism that began with a harmless vice-presidential killing has spread across the galaxy. | Linda | Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo? |
Linda | Why do you always get to read the top story, Morbo? | Linda | Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes. |
Linda | Not all reaction to the crime spree has been negative. We spoke with several people who viewed these courageous eco-feminists as heroes. | Petunia | Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something. |
Petunia | Some way to show I support 'em. Send them some smokes or something. | Linda | So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout. |
Linda | So you make more than twice what I do. What? This just in: Root 2 News has received a video communique from the eco-feminists' unknown hideout. | Linda | Feministas unite! |
Linda | Feministas unite! | Linda | (on the TV) |
Linda | (on the TV) | Nixon | Incredible. Absolutely incredible. You're telling me this TiVo machine can pause and rewind live TV? |
Nixon | Incredible. Absolutely incredible. You're telling me this TiVo machine can pause and rewind live TV? | Mr. | Wong: These crazy broads gonna ruin me, Nixon. You gotta help me. Send the army or something. Something big that shoots. |
Mr. | Wong: These crazy broads gonna ruin me, Nixon. You gotta help me. Send the army or something. Something big that shoots. | Nixon | Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor. Our armed forces do not serve your private business interests. |
Nixon | Sir, I don't care if you are my biggest contributor. Our armed forces do not serve your private business interests. | Mr. | Wong: Sorry, I... |
Mr. | Wong: Sorry, I... | Nixon | I'm just yanking your chain, Leo. I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford. |
Nixon | I'm just yanking your chain, Leo. I'm on it like boring on Gerry Ford. | Zapp | Brannigan: Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife. |
Zapp | Brannigan: Zapp Brannigan purporting for duty. For the love of God, Kif, less piccolo, more fife. | Nixon | Report, Brannigan. |
Nixon | Report, Brannigan. | Zapp | Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them. |
Zapp | Yet, I seemed to have stroked myself upon good luck, for a patriot of the highest order has volunteered to lead us to them. | Nixon | These eco-feminists are ruthless criminals who'll stop at nothing to save the environment. I don't see how a bending unit can catch them. |
Nixon | These eco-feminists are ruthless criminals who'll stop at nothing to save the environment. I don't see how a bending unit can catch them. | Nixon | Slush him, Kroker. |
Nixon | Slush him, Kroker. | Zapp | Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at. |
Zapp | Bender here has identified the femdito commander as my ex-lover, Turanga Leela, whom I once made love at. | Nixon | And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons? |
Nixon | And he's willing to fink her out for a few simoleons? | Bender | It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet. |
Bender | It's not about the money, Nixon, though I'd like much more. It's 'cause Leela's a threat. A threat to my reputation. She's committed 30 felonies in 12 star systems. If no one stops her, she'll break my record for longest rap sheet. | Nixon | That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it. |
Nixon | That's a despicable motive, Bender, and I respect it. | Bender | Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap. |
Bender | Gracias. Now, I could find Leela, but you'll need to authorize a wiretap. | Nixon | As many as you like. |
Nixon | As many as you like. | Bender | I only need one. |
Bender | I only need one. | Nixon | Let's call it six. |
Nixon | Let's call it six. | Kif | Question. If you don't know where Leela is, how can you wiretap her? |
Kif | Question. If you don't know where Leela is, how can you wiretap her? | Bender | I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness. |
Bender | I'm not wiretapping her, Greensleeves. You see, like all women, Leela has one weakness. | Bender | Hello, weakness! |
Bender | Hello, weakness! | Fry | Hey, Bender, check it out. I'm Leo Wong's new security guard. I got an ID badge and a flashlight, and I ordered this mustache. |
Fry | Hey, Bender, check it out. I'm Leo Wong's new security guard. I got an ID badge and a flashlight, and I ordered this mustache. | Bender | Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone? |
Bender | Neat. Say, speaking of whatever the hell you just said, I need to make a cell phone telephone call. Can borrow your cell phone telephone? | Fry | Okay, but don't restart my Tetris. I was finally about to get one of those pieces that looks like a backwards L. |
Fry | Okay, but don't restart my Tetris. I was finally about to get one of those pieces that looks like a backwards L. | Bender | Okay, superstud. |
Bender | Okay, superstud. | Mr. | Wong: Looking good, security. No feministas getting past you. |
Mr. | Wong: Looking good, security. No feministas getting past you. | Fry | No, sir. Not on my mustache's watch. |
Fry | No, sir. Not on my mustache's watch. | Amy | Fry, I can't believe you're working with my dad against Leela. How can you claim to be her friend and still want her in jail? |
Amy | Fry, I can't believe you're working with my dad against Leela. How can you claim to be her friend and still want her in jail? | Fry | It's a tightrope walk, I won't deny it. It takes the kind of multi-sided thinking your dad's so brilliant at. |
Fry | It's a tightrope walk, I won't deny it. It takes the kind of multi-sided thinking your dad's so brilliant at. | Amy | You mean being two-faced? |
Amy | You mean being two-faced? | Mr. | Wong: Don't mind cranky-pants here. She been cranky ever since she was a fat little girl. |
Mr. | Wong: Don't mind cranky-pants here. She been cranky ever since she was a fat little girl. | Amy | Dad! |
Amy | Dad! | Mr. | Wong: Can I be brutally honest, Fry? I always wanted a son. |
Mr. | Wong: Can I be brutally honest, Fry? I always wanted a son. | Fry | That hurt, but I can take it. |
Fry | That hurt, but I can take it. | Amy | I knew you wanted a son! Why do you think I became a miniature golf champion? Why do you think I wear these stupid boys' sweat suits? |
Amy | I knew you wanted a son! Why do you think I became a miniature golf champion? Why do you think I wear these stupid boys' sweat suits? | Mr. | Wong |