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For they had called me mad; and during many months, as I understood, a solitary cell had been my habitation. |
Liberty, however, had been an useless gift to me, had I not, as I awakened to reason, at the same time awakened to revenge. |
As the memory of past misfortunes pressed upon me, I began to reflect on their cause—the monster whom I had created, the miserable dæmon whom I had sent abroad into the world for my destruction. |
I was possessed by a maddening rage when I thought of him, and desired and ardently prayed that I might have him within my grasp to wreak a great and signal revenge on his cursed head. |
Nor did my hate long confine itself to useless wishes; I began to reflect on the best means of securing him; and for this purpose, about a month after my release, I repaired to a criminal judge in the town, and told him that I had an accusation to make; that I knew the destroyer of my family; and that I required him to exert his whole authority for the apprehension of the murderer. |
The magistrate listened to me with attention and kindness:—"Be assured, sir," said he, "no pains or exertions on my part shall be spared to discover the villain. |
" |
"I thank you," replied I; "listen, therefore, to the deposition that I have to make. |
It is indeed a tale so strange, that I should fear you would not credit it, were there not something in truth which, however wonderful, forces conviction. |
The story is too connected to be mistaken for a dream, and I have no motive for falsehood. |
" |
My manner, as I thus addressed him, was impressive, but calm; I had formed in my own heart a resolution to pursue my destroyer to death; and this purpose quieted my agony, and for an interval reconciled me to life. |
I now related my history, briefly, but with firmness and precision, marking the dates with accuracy, and never deviating into invective or exclamation. |
The magistrate appeared at first perfectly incredulous, but as I continued he became more attentive and interested; I saw him sometimes shudder with horror, at others a lively surprise, unmingled with disbelief, was painted on his countenance. |
When I had concluded my narration, I said, "This is the being whom I accuse, and for whose seizure and punishment I call upon you to exert your whole power. |
It is your duty as a magistrate, and I believe and hope that your feelings as a man will not revolt from the execution of those functions on this occasion. |
" |
This address caused a considerable change in the physiognomy of my own auditor. |
He had heard my story with that half kind of belief that is given to a tale of spirits and supernatural events; but when he was called upon to act officially in consequence, the whole tide of his incredulity returned. |
He, however, answered mildly, "I would willingly afford you every aid in your pursuit; but the creature of whom you speak appears to have powers which would put all my exertions to defiance. |
Who can follow an animal which can traverse the sea of ice, and inhabit caves and dens where no man would venture to intrude? |
Besides, some months have elapsed since the commission of his crimes, and no one can conjecture to what place he has wandered, or what region he may now inhabit. |
" |
"I do not doubt that he hovers near the spot which I inhabit; and if he has indeed taken refuge in the Alps, he may be hunted like the chamois, and destroyed as a beast of prey. |
But I perceive your thoughts: you do not credit my narrative, and do not intend to pursue my enemy with the punishment which is his desert. |
" |
As I spoke, rage sparkled in my eyes; the magistrate was intimidated:—"You are mistaken," said he, "I will exert myself; and if it is in my power to seize the monster, be assured that he shall suffer punishment proportionate to his crimes. |
But I fear, from what you have yourself described to be his properties, that this will prove impracticable; and thus, while every proper measure is pursued, you should make up your mind to disappointment. |
" |
"That cannot be; but all that I can say will be of little avail. |
My revenge is of no moment to you; yet, while I allow it to be a vice, I confess that it is the devouring and only passion of my soul. |
My rage is unspeakable, when I reflect that the murderer, whom I have turned loose upon society, still exists. |
You refuse my just demand: I have but one resource; and I devote myself, either in my life or death, to his destruction. |
" |
I trembled with excess of agitation as I said this; there was a frenzy in 'my manner, and something, I doubt not, of that haughty fierceness which the martyrs of old are said to have possessed. |
But to a Genevan magistrate, whose mind was occupied by far other ideas than those of devotion and heroism, this elevation of mind had much the appearance of madness. |
He endeavoured to soothe me as a nurse does a child, and reverted to my tale as the effects of delirium. |
"Man," I cried, "how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom! |
Cease; you know not what it is you say. |
" |
I broke from the house angry and disturbed, and retired to meditate on some other mode of action. |
CHAPTER XXIV. |
My present situation was one in which all voluntary thought was swallowed up and lost. |
I was hurried away by fury; revenge alone endowed me with strength and composure; it moulded my feelings, and allowed me to be calculating and calm, at periods when otherwise delirium or death would have been my portion. |
My first resolution was to quit Geneva for ever; my country, which, when I was happy and beloved, was dear to me, now, in my adversity, became hateful. |
I provided myself with a sum of money, together with a few jewels which had belonged to my mother, and departed. |
And now my wanderings began, which are to cease but with life. |
I have traversed a vast portion of the earth, and have endured all the hardships which travellers, in deserts and barbarous countries, are wont to meet. |
How I have lived I hardly know; many times have I stretched my failing limbs upon the sandy plain, and prayed for death. |
But revenge kept me alive; I dared not die, and leave my adversary in being. |
When I quitted Geneva, my first labour was to gain some clue by which I might trace the steps of my fiendish enemy. |
But my plan was unsettled; and I wandered many hours round the confines of the town, uncertain what path I should pursue. |
As night approached, I found myself at the entrance of the cemetery where William, Elizabeth, and my father reposed. |
I entered it, and approached the tomb which marked their graves. |
Every thing was silent, except the leaves of the trees, which were gently agitated by the wind; the night was nearly dark; and the scene would have been solemn and affecting even to an uninterested observer. |
The spirits of the departed seemed to flit around, and to cast a shadow, which was felt but not seen, around the head of the mourner. |
The deep grief which this scene had at first excited quickly gave way to rage and despair. |
They were dead, and I lived; their murderer also lived, and to destroy him I must drag out my weary existence. |
I knelt on the grass, and kissed the earth, and with quivering lips exclaimed, "By the sacred earth on which I kneel, by the shades that wander near me, by the deep and eternal grief that I feel, I swear; and by thee, O Night, and the spirits that preside over thee, to pursue the dæmon, who caused this misery, until he or I shall perish in mortal conflict. |
For this purpose I will preserve my life: to execute this dear revenge, will I again behold the sun, and tread the green herbage of earth, which otherwise should vanish from my eyes for ever. |
And I call on you, spirits of the dead; and on you, wandering ministers of vengeance, to aid and conduct me in my work. |
Let the cursed and hellish monster drink deep of agony; let him feel the despair that now torments me. |
" |
I had begun my adjuration with solemnity, and an awe which almost assured me that the shades of my murdered friends heard and approved my devotion; but the furies possessed me as I concluded, and rage choked my utterance. |
I was answered through the stillness of night by a loud and fiendish laugh. |
It rung on my ears long and heavily; the mountains re-echoed it, and I felt as if all hell surrounded me with mockery and laughter. |
Surely in that moment I should have been possessed by frenzy, and have destroyed my miserable existence, but that my vow was heard, and that I was reserved for vengeance. |
The laughter died away; when a well-known and abhorred voice, apparently close to my ear, addressed me in an audible whisper—"I am satisfied: miserable wretch! |
you have determined to live, and I am satisfied. |
" |
I darted towards the spot from which the sound proceeded; but the devil eluded my grasp. |
Suddenly the broad disk of the moon arose, and shone full upon his ghastly and distorted shape, as he fled with more than mortal speed. |
I pursued him; and for many months this has been my task. |
Guided by a slight clue, I followed the windings of the Rhone, but vainly. |
The blue Mediterranean appeared; and, by a strange chance, I saw the fiend enter by night, and hide himself in a vessel bound for the Black Sea. |
I took my passage in the same ship; but he escaped, I know not how. |
Amidst the wilds of Tartary and Russia, although he still evaded me, I have ever followed in his track. |
Sometimes the peasants, scared by this horrid apparition, informed me of his path; sometimes he himself, who feared that if I lost all trace of him, I should despair and die, left some mark to guide me. |
The snows descended on my head, and I saw the print of his huge step on the white plain. |
To you first entering on life, to whom care is new, and agony unknown, how can you understand what I have felt, and still feel? |
Cold, want, and fatigue, were the least pains which I was destined to endure; I was cursed by some devil, and carried about with me my eternal hell; yet still a spirit of good followed and directed my steps; and, when I most murmured, would suddenly extricate me from seemingly insurmountable difficulties. |
Sometimes, when nature, overcome by hunger, sunk under the exhaustion, a repast was prepared for me in the desert, that restored and inspirited me. |
The fare was, indeed, coarse, such as the peasants of the country ate; but I will not doubt that it was set there by the spirits that I had invoked to aid me. |
Often, when all was dry, the heavens cloudless, and I was parched by thirst, a slight cloud would bedim the sky, shed the few drops that revived me, and vanish. |
I followed, when I could, the courses of the rivers; but the dæmon generally avoided these, as it was here that the population of the country chiefly collected. |
In other places human beings were seldom seen; and I generally subsisted on the wild animals that crossed my path. |
I had money with me, and gained the friendship of the villagers by distributing it; or I brought with me some food that I had killed, which, after taking a small part, I always presented to those who had provided me with fire and utensils for cooking. |
My life, as it passed thus, was indeed hateful to me, and it was during sleep alone that I could taste joy. |
O blessed sleep! |
often, when most miserable, I sank to repose, and my dreams lulled me even to rapture. |
The spirits that guarded me had provided these moments, or rather hours, of happiness, that I might retain strength to fulfil my pilgrimage. |
Deprived of this respite, I should have sunk under my hardships. |
During the day I was sustained and inspirited by the hope of night: for in sleep I saw my friends, my wife, and my beloved country; again I saw the benevolent countenance of my father, heard the silver tones of my Elizabeth's voice, and beheld Clerval enjoying health and youth. |
Often, when wearied by a toilsome march, I persuaded myself that I was dreaming until night should come, and that I should then enjoy reality in the arms of my dearest friends. |
What agonising fondness did I feel for them! |
how did I cling to their dear forms, as sometimes they haunted even my waking hours, and persuade myself that they still lived! |
At such moments vengeance, that burned within me, died in my heart, and 1 pursued my path towards the destruction of the dæmon, more as a task enjoined by heaven, as the mechanical impulse of some power of which I was unconscious, than as the ardent desire of my soul. |
What his feelings were whom I pursued I cannot know. |
Sometimes, indeed, he left marks in writing on the barks of the trees, or cut in stone, that guided me, and instigated my fury. |
"My reign is not yet over," (these words were legible in one of these inscriptions;) "you live, and my power is complete. |