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The prospect of such an occupation made every other circumstance of existence pass before me like a dream; and that thought only had to me the reality of life.
CHAPTER XVIII.
Day after day, week after week, passed away on my return to Geneva; and I could not collect the courage to recommence my work.
I feared the vengeance of the disappointed fiend, yet I was unable to overcome my repugnance to the task which was enjoined me.
I found that I could not compose a female without again devoting several months to profound study and laborious disquisition.
I had heard of some discoveries having been made by an English philosopher, the knowledge of which was material to my success, and I sometimes thought of obtaining my father's consent to visit England for this purpose; but I clung to every pretence of delay, and shrunk from taking the first step in an undertaking whose immediate necessity began to appear less absolute to me.
A change indeed had taken place in me: my health, which had hitherto declined, was now much restored; and my spirits, when unchecked by the memory of my unhappy promise, rose proportionably.
My father saw this change with pleasure, and he turned his thoughts towards the best method of eradicating the remains of my melancholy, which every now and then would return by fits, and with a devouring blackness overcast the approaching sunshine.
At these moments I took refuge in the most perfect solitude.
I passed whole days on the lake alone in a little boat, watching the clouds, and listening to the rippling of the waves, silent and listless.
But the fresh air and bright sun seldom failed to restore me to some degree of composure; and, on my return, I met the salutations of my friends with a readier smile and a more cheerful heart.
It was after my return from one of these rambles, that my father, calling me aside, thus addressed me:—
"I am happy to remark, my dear son, that you have resumed your former pleasures, and seem to he returning to yourself.
And yet you are still unhappy, and still avoid our society.
For some time I was lost in conjecture as to the cause of this; but yesterday an idea struck me, and if it is well founded, I conjure you to avow it.
Reserve on such a point would be not only useless, but draw down treble misery on us all.
"
I trembled violently at his exordium, and my father continued—
"I confess, my son, that I have always looked forward to your marriage with our dear Elizabeth as the tie of our domestic comfort, and the stay of my declining years.
You were attached to each other from your earliest infancy; you studied together, and appeared, in dispositions and tastes, entirely suited to one another.
But so blind is the experience of man, that what I conceived to be the best assistants to my plan, may have entirely destroyed it.
You, perhaps, regard her as your sister, without any wish that she might become your wife.
Nay, you may have met with another whom you may love; and, considering yourself as bound in honour to Elizabeth, this struggle may occasion the poignant misery which you appear to feel.
"
"My dear father, re-assure yourself.
I love my cousin tenderly and sincerely.
I never saw any woman who excited, as Elizabeth does, my warmest admiration and affection.
My future hopes and prospects are entirely bound up in the expectation of our union.
"
"The expression of your sentiments of this subject, my dear Victor, gives me more pleasure than I have for some time experienced.
If you feel thus, we shall assuredly be happy, however present events may cast a gloom over us.
But it is this gloom which appears to have taken so strong a hold of your mind, that I wish to dissipate.
Tell me, therefore, whether you object to an immediate solemnisation of the marriage.
We have been unfortunate, and recent events have drawn us from that every-day tranquillity befitting my years and infirmities.
You are younger; yet I do not suppose, possessed as you are of a competent fortune, that an early marriage would at all interfere with any future plans of honour and utility that you may have formed.
Do not suppose, however, that I wish to dictate happiness to you, or that a delay on your part would cause me any serious uneasiness.
Interpret my words with candour, and answer me, I conjure you, with confidence and sincerity.
"
I listened to my father in silence, and remained for some time incapable of offering any reply.
I revolved rapidly in my mind a multitude of thoughts, and endeavoured to arrive at some conclusion.
Alas!
to me the idea of an immediate union with my Elizabeth was one of horror and dismay.
I was bound by a solemn promise, which I had not yet fulfilled, and dared not break; or, if I did, what manifold miseries might not impend over me and my devoted family!
Could I enter into a festival with this deadly weight yet hanging round my neck, and bowing me to the ground.
I must perform my engagement, and let the monster depart with his mate, before I allowed myself to enjoy the delight of an union from which I expected peace.
I remembered also the necessity imposed upon me of either journeying to England, or entering into a long correspondence with those philosophers of that country, whose knowledge and discoveries were of indispensable use to me in my present undertaking.
The latter method of obtaining the desired intelligence was dilatory and unsatisfactory: besides, I had an insurmountable aversion to the idea of engaging myself in my loathsome task in my father's house, while in habits of familiar intercourse with those I loved.
I knew that a thousand fearful accidents might occur, the slightest of which would disclose a tale to thrill all connected with me with horror.
I was aware also that I should often lose all self-command, all capacity of hiding the harrowing sensations that would possess me during the progress of my unearthly occupation.
I must absent myself from all I loved while thus employed.
Once commenced, it would quickly be achieved, and I might be restored to my family in peace and happiness.
My promise fulfilled, the monster would depart for ever.
Or (so my fond fancy imaged) some accident might meanwhile occur to destroy him, and put an end to my slavery for ever.
These feelings dictated my answer to my father.
I expressed a wish to visit England; but, concealing the true reasons of this request, I clothed my desires under a guise which excited no suspicion, while I urged my desire with an earnestness that easily induced my father to comply.
After so long a period of an absorbing melancholy, that resembled madness in its intensity and effects, he was glad to find that I was capable of taking pleasure in the idea of such a journey, and he hoped that change of scene and varied amusement would, before my return, have restored me entirely to myself.
The duration of my absence was left to my own choice; a few months, or at most a year, was the period contemplated.
One paternal kind precaution he had taken to ensure my having a companion.
Without previously communicating with me, he had, in concert with Elizabeth, arranged that Clerval should join me at Strasburgh.
This interfered with the solitude I coveted for the prosecution of my task; yet at the commencement of my journey the presence of my friend could in no way be an impediment, and truly I rejoiced that thus I should be saved many hours of lonely, maddening reflection.
Nay, Henry might stand between me and the intrusion of my foe.
If I were alone, would he not at times force his abhorred presence on me, to remind me of my task, or to contemplate its progress?
To England, therefore, I was bound, and it was understood that my union with Elizabeth should take place immediately on my return.
My father's age rendered him extremely averse to delay.
For myself, there was one reward I promised myself from my detested toils—one consolation for my unparalleled sufferings; it was the prospect of that day when, enfranchised from my miserable slavery, I might claim Elizabeth, and forget the past in my union with her.
I now made arrangements for my journey; but one feeling haunted me, which filled me with fear and agitation.
During my absence I should leave my friends unconscious of the existence of their enemy, and unprotected from his attacks, exasperated as he might be by my departure.
But he had promised to follow me wherever I might go; and would he not accompany me to England?
This imagination was dreadful in itself, but soothing, inasmuch as it supposed the safety of my friends.
I was agonised with the idea of the possibility that the reverse of this might happen.
But through the whole period during which I was the slave of my creature, I allowed myself to be governed by the impulses of the moment; and my present sensations strongly intimated that the fiend would follow me, and exempt my family from the danger of his machinations.
It was in the latter end of September that I again quitted my native country.
My journey had been my own suggestion, and Elizabeth, therefore, acquiesced: but she was filled with disquiet at the idea of my suffering, away from her, the inroads of misery and grief.
It had been her care which provided me a companion in Clerval—and yet a man is blind to a thousand minute circumstances, which call forth a woman's sedulous attention.
She longed to bid me hasten my return,—a thousand conflicting emotions rendered her mute, as she bade me a tearful silent farewell.
I threw myself into the carriage that was to convey me away, hardly knowing whither I was going, and careless of what was passing around.
I remembered only, and it was with a bitter anguish that I reflected on it, to order that my chemical instruments should be packed to go with me.
Filled with dreary imaginations, I passed through many beautiful and majestic scenes; but my eyes were fixed and unobserving.
I could only think of the bourne of my travels, and the work which was to occupy me whilst they endured.
After some days spent in listless indolence, during which I traversed many leagues, I arrived at Strasburgh, where I waited two days for Clerval.
He came.
Alas, how great was the contrast between us!
He was alive to every new scene; joyful when he saw the beauties of the setting sun, and more happy when he beheld it rise, and recommence a new day.
He pointed out to me the shifting colours of the landscape, and the appearances of the sky.
"This is what it is to live," he cried, "now I enjoy existence!
But you, my dear Frankenstein, wherefore are you desponding and sorrowful!"
In truth, I was occupied by gloomy thoughts, and neither saw the descent of the evening star, nor the golden sunrise reflected in the Rhine.—And you, my friend, would be far more amused with the journal of Clerval, who observed the scenery with an eye of feeling and delight, than in listening to my reflections.
I, a miserable wretch, haunted by a curse that shut up every avenue to enjoyment.
We had agreed to descend the Rhine in a boat from Strasburgh to Rotterdam, whence we might take shipping for London.
During this voyage, we passed many willowy islands, and saw several beautiful towns.
We stayed a day at Manheim, and, on the fifth from our departure from Strasburgh, arrived at Mayence.
The course of the Rhine below Mayence becomes much more picturesque.
The river descends rapidly, and winds between hills, not high, but steep, and of beautiful forms.
We saw many ruined castles standing on the edges of precipices, surrounded by black woods, high and inaccessible.
This part of the Rhine, indeed, presents a singularly variegated landscape.
In one spot you view rugged hills, ruined castles overlooking tremendous precipices, with the dark Rhine rushing beneath; and, on the sudden turn of a promontory, flourishing vineyards, with green sloping banks, and a meandering river, and populous towns occupy the scene.
We travelled at the time of the vintage, and heard the song of the labourers, as we glided down the stream.
Even I, depressed in mind, and my spirits continually agitated by gloomy feelings, even I was pleased.
I lay at the bottom of the boat, and, as I gazed on the cloudless blue sky, I seemed to drink in a tranquillity to which I had long been a stranger.
And if these were my sensations, who can describe those of Henry?

The prospect of such an occupation made every other circumstance of existence pass before me like a dream; and that thought only had to me the reality of life.

CHAPTER XVIII.

Day after day, week after week, passed away on my return to Geneva; and I could not collect the courage to recommence my work.

I feared the vengeance of the disappointed fiend, yet I was unable to overcome my repugnance to the task which was enjoined me.

I found that I could not compose a female without again devoting several months to profound study and laborious disquisition.

I had heard of some discoveries having been made by an English philosopher, the knowledge of which was material to my success, and I sometimes thought of obtaining my father's consent to visit England for this purpose; but I clung to every pretence of delay, and shrunk from taking the first step in an undertaking whose immediate necessity began to appear less absolute to me.

A change indeed had taken place in me: my health, which had hitherto declined, was now much restored; and my spirits, when unchecked by the memory of my unhappy promise, rose proportionably.

My father saw this change with pleasure, and he turned his thoughts towards the best method of eradicating the remains of my melancholy, which every now and then would return by fits, and with a devouring blackness overcast the approaching sunshine.

At these moments I took refuge in the most perfect solitude.

I passed whole days on the lake alone in a little boat, watching the clouds, and listening to the rippling of the waves, silent and listless.

But the fresh air and bright sun seldom failed to restore me to some degree of composure; and, on my return, I met the salutations of my friends with a readier smile and a more cheerful heart.

It was after my return from one of these rambles, that my father, calling me aside, thus addressed me:—

"I am happy to remark, my dear son, that you have resumed your former pleasures, and seem to he returning to yourself.

And yet you are still unhappy, and still avoid our society.

For some time I was lost in conjecture as to the cause of this; but yesterday an idea struck me, and if it is well founded, I conjure you to avow it.

Reserve on such a point would be not only useless, but draw down treble misery on us all.

"

I trembled violently at his exordium, and my father continued—

"I confess, my son, that I have always looked forward to your marriage with our dear Elizabeth as the tie of our domestic comfort, and the stay of my declining years.

You were attached to each other from your earliest infancy; you studied together, and appeared, in dispositions and tastes, entirely suited to one another.

But so blind is the experience of man, that what I conceived to be the best assistants to my plan, may have entirely destroyed it.

You, perhaps, regard her as your sister, without any wish that she might become your wife.

Nay, you may have met with another whom you may love; and, considering yourself as bound in honour to Elizabeth, this struggle may occasion the poignant misery which you appear to feel.

"

"My dear father, re-assure yourself.

I love my cousin tenderly and sincerely.

I never saw any woman who excited, as Elizabeth does, my warmest admiration and affection.

My future hopes and prospects are entirely bound up in the expectation of our union.

"

"The expression of your sentiments of this subject, my dear Victor, gives me more pleasure than I have for some time experienced.

If you feel thus, we shall assuredly be happy, however present events may cast a gloom over us.

But it is this gloom which appears to have taken so strong a hold of your mind, that I wish to dissipate.

Tell me, therefore, whether you object to an immediate solemnisation of the marriage.

We have been unfortunate, and recent events have drawn us from that every-day tranquillity befitting my years and infirmities.

You are younger; yet I do not suppose, possessed as you are of a competent fortune, that an early marriage would at all interfere with any future plans of honour and utility that you may have formed.

Do not suppose, however, that I wish to dictate happiness to you, or that a delay on your part would cause me any serious uneasiness.

Interpret my words with candour, and answer me, I conjure you, with confidence and sincerity.

"

I listened to my father in silence, and remained for some time incapable of offering any reply.

I revolved rapidly in my mind a multitude of thoughts, and endeavoured to arrive at some conclusion.

Alas!

to me the idea of an immediate union with my Elizabeth was one of horror and dismay.

I was bound by a solemn promise, which I had not yet fulfilled, and dared not break; or, if I did, what manifold miseries might not impend over me and my devoted family!

Could I enter into a festival with this deadly weight yet hanging round my neck, and bowing me to the ground.

I must perform my engagement, and let the monster depart with his mate, before I allowed myself to enjoy the delight of an union from which I expected peace.

I remembered also the necessity imposed upon me of either journeying to England, or entering into a long correspondence with those philosophers of that country, whose knowledge and discoveries were of indispensable use to me in my present undertaking.

The latter method of obtaining the desired intelligence was dilatory and unsatisfactory: besides, I had an insurmountable aversion to the idea of engaging myself in my loathsome task in my father's house, while in habits of familiar intercourse with those I loved.

I knew that a thousand fearful accidents might occur, the slightest of which would disclose a tale to thrill all connected with me with horror.

I was aware also that I should often lose all self-command, all capacity of hiding the harrowing sensations that would possess me during the progress of my unearthly occupation.

I must absent myself from all I loved while thus employed.

Once commenced, it would quickly be achieved, and I might be restored to my family in peace and happiness.

My promise fulfilled, the monster would depart for ever.

Or (so my fond fancy imaged) some accident might meanwhile occur to destroy him, and put an end to my slavery for ever.

These feelings dictated my answer to my father.

I expressed a wish to visit England; but, concealing the true reasons of this request, I clothed my desires under a guise which excited no suspicion, while I urged my desire with an earnestness that easily induced my father to comply.

After so long a period of an absorbing melancholy, that resembled madness in its intensity and effects, he was glad to find that I was capable of taking pleasure in the idea of such a journey, and he hoped that change of scene and varied amusement would, before my return, have restored me entirely to myself.

The duration of my absence was left to my own choice; a few months, or at most a year, was the period contemplated.

One paternal kind precaution he had taken to ensure my having a companion.

Without previously communicating with me, he had, in concert with Elizabeth, arranged that Clerval should join me at Strasburgh.

This interfered with the solitude I coveted for the prosecution of my task; yet at the commencement of my journey the presence of my friend could in no way be an impediment, and truly I rejoiced that thus I should be saved many hours of lonely, maddening reflection.

Nay, Henry might stand between me and the intrusion of my foe.

If I were alone, would he not at times force his abhorred presence on me, to remind me of my task, or to contemplate its progress?

To England, therefore, I was bound, and it was understood that my union with Elizabeth should take place immediately on my return.

My father's age rendered him extremely averse to delay.

For myself, there was one reward I promised myself from my detested toils—one consolation for my unparalleled sufferings; it was the prospect of that day when, enfranchised from my miserable slavery, I might claim Elizabeth, and forget the past in my union with her.

I now made arrangements for my journey; but one feeling haunted me, which filled me with fear and agitation.

During my absence I should leave my friends unconscious of the existence of their enemy, and unprotected from his attacks, exasperated as he might be by my departure.

But he had promised to follow me wherever I might go; and would he not accompany me to England?

This imagination was dreadful in itself, but soothing, inasmuch as it supposed the safety of my friends.

I was agonised with the idea of the possibility that the reverse of this might happen.

But through the whole period during which I was the slave of my creature, I allowed myself to be governed by the impulses of the moment; and my present sensations strongly intimated that the fiend would follow me, and exempt my family from the danger of his machinations.

It was in the latter end of September that I again quitted my native country.

My journey had been my own suggestion, and Elizabeth, therefore, acquiesced: but she was filled with disquiet at the idea of my suffering, away from her, the inroads of misery and grief.

It had been her care which provided me a companion in Clerval—and yet a man is blind to a thousand minute circumstances, which call forth a woman's sedulous attention.

She longed to bid me hasten my return,—a thousand conflicting emotions rendered her mute, as she bade me a tearful silent farewell.

I threw myself into the carriage that was to convey me away, hardly knowing whither I was going, and careless of what was passing around.

I remembered only, and it was with a bitter anguish that I reflected on it, to order that my chemical instruments should be packed to go with me.

Filled with dreary imaginations, I passed through many beautiful and majestic scenes; but my eyes were fixed and unobserving.

I could only think of the bourne of my travels, and the work which was to occupy me whilst they endured.

After some days spent in listless indolence, during which I traversed many leagues, I arrived at Strasburgh, where I waited two days for Clerval.

He came.

Alas, how great was the contrast between us!

He was alive to every new scene; joyful when he saw the beauties of the setting sun, and more happy when he beheld it rise, and recommence a new day.

He pointed out to me the shifting colours of the landscape, and the appearances of the sky.

"This is what it is to live," he cried, "now I enjoy existence!

But you, my dear Frankenstein, wherefore are you desponding and sorrowful!"

In truth, I was occupied by gloomy thoughts, and neither saw the descent of the evening star, nor the golden sunrise reflected in the Rhine.—And you, my friend, would be far more amused with the journal of Clerval, who observed the scenery with an eye of feeling and delight, than in listening to my reflections.

I, a miserable wretch, haunted by a curse that shut up every avenue to enjoyment.

We had agreed to descend the Rhine in a boat from Strasburgh to Rotterdam, whence we might take shipping for London.

During this voyage, we passed many willowy islands, and saw several beautiful towns.

We stayed a day at Manheim, and, on the fifth from our departure from Strasburgh, arrived at Mayence.

The course of the Rhine below Mayence becomes much more picturesque.

The river descends rapidly, and winds between hills, not high, but steep, and of beautiful forms.

We saw many ruined castles standing on the edges of precipices, surrounded by black woods, high and inaccessible.

This part of the Rhine, indeed, presents a singularly variegated landscape.

In one spot you view rugged hills, ruined castles overlooking tremendous precipices, with the dark Rhine rushing beneath; and, on the sudden turn of a promontory, flourishing vineyards, with green sloping banks, and a meandering river, and populous towns occupy the scene.

We travelled at the time of the vintage, and heard the song of the labourers, as we glided down the stream.

Even I, depressed in mind, and my spirits continually agitated by gloomy feelings, even I was pleased.

I lay at the bottom of the boat, and, as I gazed on the cloudless blue sky, I seemed to drink in a tranquillity to which I had long been a stranger.

And if these were my sensations, who can describe those of Henry?