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my GF of 10 years recently left me for her uncle who molested her from the ages of 10 - 17. in August she turned 32, I am 35 years old and I feel more confused about life now than anytime before.. its like I lost hope in mankind. can someone please talk me down from the ledge...???I'm lost fam | SuicideWatch |
Disabled, autistic, ugly, unemployed guy. What should I put on a bucket list before killing myself?Dumb answers like "live" will be ignored. Time limit is 3 months and I have 5k in GBP in the bank. | SuicideWatch |
Senpai, I... I... Usstan che dos
And good luck translating that! | teenagers |
idk where else to ask this question but what should us guys do to take better spicy pics? i know this is weird but if u have a better sub for me to put this pls lmk. anyway, i feel like guys get a lot of slander for taking horrible dick pics so i was wondering if the girls or the gays had any tips on how us guys can take better noods or just spicy pics in general? | teenagers |
This week is probably my last week of my life.hey, I know y'all are gonna say that it's not worth it and that life has so many beautiful things.
But I can't do this anymore.
This isn't about others hating me, it's about me being a disappointment to everybody, I'm not worth anything and probably everything that my family has ever gotten me, I don't deserve it.
All of my skills and knowledge could be used by somebody else and actually do something good with it.
I lost my school year, found out about 30 Minutes ago, I'm just fucking stupid.
Not only did I disappoint my friends but also my family.
I just disappoint people whatever I do.
Maybe everything would be better if a piece of shit human like me would just disappear.
My brother's 20th Birthday is happening this week, I want to be there for him, and then I could rest knowing that I left a world better because I am not in it.
I don't wanna die, thought.
I just want the pain to stop, I just want the world to Freeze for a second and actually breathe even for just a minute.
But I can't.
I'm already way too deep in this whole. | SuicideWatch |
im stuck being alive during the lowest point in my lifeI'm impatient. Due to my derealization, time often passes slower than normal for me. My mom was going to finally divorce my pedophile dad, but then she got cancer. Now I'm stuck living with a pedophilic manchild for god knows how long. This has caused me to feel an ungodly amount of anger. Her cancer is stage 4 already.
My dad cant do shit. He's stopped getting groceries for us. All he does is sit on his pitiful ass all day consuming his dumbass products. Now I have to get groceries for the family. That would be fine if grocery stores started accepting cash again. I don't know what to do anymore.
He's a pedophile. He touched me when I was younger. He would grop | SuicideWatch |
Only friend refuses to see meA little backstory:
I'm a young guy, who has been suffering from depression from quite a few years. I am schizophrenic and have severe trust and confidence issues. I have been with a therapist for close to a year, and am on medication.
The friend in question is my ex-girlfriend, and currently she is my only friend. She is aware of my issues and has been supportive. I will call her Z. Z and I have recently been talking about sexual stuff (Actual sex is out of the question, which is not a problem to me).
Now, on to the story. Z used to live close to me, and I used to spend most days of the week with her. A couple years ago, she moved away and I have seen her about 2 times since. We have been talking about meeting up again, and we planned on doing this during the holidays, as she had stated that another time, such as weekends, would not be possible. As far as I could tell, we were both looking forward to seeing each other again.
Today, she told me that we won't be hanging out, as she does not feel comfortable around me and is afraid that I would molest her.
This is by far the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me, and I just don't know what to do anymore. I have been crying the entire day, I feel worthless, disgusting, and I am having suicidal thoughts. Usually when I feel this way, I can talk to her about it. However, I can't bring myself to do it this time. I have nobody else to talk to, as I feel like my parents would put part of the blame on me, and I have no other friends.
Please help me. | depression |
I'm just exhausted at this pointI'm just so tired. I've attempted to take my life multiple times but in the end I fail and feel even worse for it. I tried last night too and I just... Fuck man I'm just tired. I want to get professional help but can't where I live. I know that if something doesn't change now I won't last. I'm so tired of feeling so alone all the time and breaking down and feeling numb. I'm tired of this cycle and if I don't get better I know I'll kill myself.
Can anyone please site any sources or support groups or anything like that? I won't be able to pay cuz I'm a minor.
I'm just so tired of this shit man. I want to get better. I want to be ok for once in my miserable fucking life. | SuicideWatch |
I'm sorry, but they/them pronouns are the dumbest thing ever created People get mad for calling them "it" and then say that they don't want to be called a he or a she. Like ok | teenagers |
F.R.I.E.N.D.SI've been backstabbed by my friends. I have 2 other friends that I am close with. Apparently, they got close to my friend who backstabbed me. They became close. Apparently, the 2 don't even greet me anymore. I think she brainwashed them cause, this is what my friend said (the one who relayed to me that they are backstabbing me), that she is very persuasive and he eventually ride with them. But we're now okay and I'm very thankful that he told me truth. Anyway, I always sit with them at lunch, but it's awkward. Last June, it's not, but now it is. I don't know what to do now | depression |
I don’t want to “keep fighting” to get better just let me dieI don’t want any more treatment and I don’t care if refusing treatment kills me. I wish it would | SuicideWatch |
I feel like I'm going crazyI'm 17, in school, a straight-A student. I have not shared with any adults about how I feel. I'm not diagnosed because I don't have the strength, or money to see a doctor. In school, I'm labeled the 'know-it-all'. I fucking hate it. I have no friends, no one to talk to. All because I'm a straight-A student, the teachers have this high expectancy for me to always do well. The pressure and loneliness is slowly driving me insane. I don't know what to do. I'm lost and dying slowly. | depression |
All the things I wish somebody told me when I was a teenager # 1) If you have a crush, DO NOT spam them with messages.
Play it cool, do your own thing and spend time off your phone. If they don't reply to you, don't follow it up with another message to try and get them to respond. They're either busy or not in the mood to chat - accept it. Let them come to you. If you play it well and take your time to reply, it can get somebody to like you.
# 2) If somebody is making fun of you, don't give them a reaction
When I saw people getting bullied, they all had one thing in common: They reacted.
People who freak out when you call them names are much more likely to get picked on, and people who take things too seriously are less likeable.
It's better if you're able to make fun of yourself. You can have the fattest, weirdest looking kid in school, but if they can laugh and make fun of themselves and they handle "banter" well, then they're likeable.
There's two kinds of "bullying", heres how to handle each:
* Banter: The person doesn't have bad intentions and is just poking fun. Usually they will be smiling as they say things. This can still be hurtful, but the best thing to do is to add something to it and poke fun at yourself. At the minimum, just smile or laugh, but the laugh can't seem fake.
* Bullying: Usually done by the kid with a bad home life. He wants to hurt your feelings, and will say stuff to try and upset you. The solution here is to just scoff at them and walk away. If you think they're dangerous, just try avoiding them and walking away. Don't show fear.
​
# 3) If somebody invites you somewhere, GO
This one is pretty self explanatory. Going to parties and engaging with people can help you meet others. Even if you don't really feel like going, sometimes it can be worth it and it can make you glad you went. This can help you become more popular.
​
# 4) Don't try too hard
Don't focus on becoming popular. The people who become popular are the people who don't try, the ones who don't care about popularity whatsoever. It's best to just *be yourself*. I know that advice is cliché as fuck so I'm sorry, but if you are confident in yourself and aren't trying to fit in, you will be accepted. Don't try and talk in every single situation, just let yourself be quiet sometimes. Nobody likes it when a person just waits to say whatever they want to say instead of listening to the person speaking and respinding.
# 5) Don't pretend to like stuff that you don't really like.
Even many adults do this, and it's pretty easy to spot. When somebody they want to get closer to names a hobby of theirs, they will pretend to like it too just to get closer to them. It's okay to relate to people if you know about the conversation topic, but make sure you say "I'm not the biggest fan of X, but I like X". You want to be open about your true preferences, even if it doesn't match your friends/crushes. If they're into you, they will listen about your passion even if it isn't a passion of theirs.
​
# And above all, honesty is key.
Honesty is scientifically proven to make you a more likeable, trustable person. Stay honest and truthful, say what's on your mind if you're upset, and tell people when you have a crush on them. It might backfire, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take (another cliché im rly sorry).
​
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. | teenagers |
When I'm at my worst I try my best to isolate myself from everyone so I won't become a burden.It's best for everyone. I become sort of toxic when I'm feeling like shit. I either shut myself off and won't talk or I become an asshole. I better if I'm in the dark on my own. Nobody in my life can really help me nor are they any good to talk to about my problems. | depression |
Why are so many young Americans so anti-nationalism? It's really bizarre to see a country that was so patriotic become so anti itself. You guys live in the second best country on earth, why wouldn't you be appreciative of it? | teenagers |
Depressed and it makes senseMy depression comes and goes; sometimes it's almost unbearable and other times it's almost unnoticeable. The most overwhelming feeling is that there is absolutely no point in anything, that everything the world does, that I do, is completely trivial and useless. Other times I'll just feel a constant dread.
I don't enjoy anything. I have hobbies so I don't have to dwell, not because I like them. I prefer having time to myself than hanging out with a group of friends, but that gets lonely too. Everything that people strive for in life- a good career, a spouse, a family - it all just seems so pointless. It's not interesting or exciting to me, which makes me wonder if there's anything for me out there, which in turn feeds my depression and anxiety. Nothing really makes me care, except the fact that nothing makes me feel like life is worth living. I don't want to die, but at the same time it feels like there's no reason for me to be here.
The very first time I tried to get help, my parents told me to stop being overdramatic for attention. They would try to convince me that what I was feeling was nothing in comparison to what they had to experience as children, and then they tried to guilt-trip me so I would stop asking for help. I don't want to be melodramatic (but what depressed person can avoid that) but they would look at me sometimes with such genuine disgust. So I stopped asking for help, and they pretended that it never happened.
My best friend thinks I live a charmed life just because my family can afford more things than her's, and is quick to tell me that my problems are nothing in comparison to hers. I've never told her about my depression, even though she has shared her problems and depression with me. There's just no room in our relationship for my issues, and I try not to blame her for it.
I've just started my first year of uni in a different state, hours from home, and I don't know how much longer I can do this. I told myself in high school "don't think about it, just make it to college" and now I'm here and all I can do is tell myself to make it through. But I can't help but think that that's all life is going to be: waiting for it to end. Life is just a constant lonely cycle of apathy, depression, and then dread.
I don't know if I'm here for advice or just an ear, but thank you. I imagine if you're reading r/Depression, you're in a rut yourself and you're looking for someone to relate to or talk to. I don't believe that it gets better, but sometimes I think feeling this way is liberating. If I've seriously considered dying, then what is there left for me to be afraid of in this world? But then I tell myself to stop thinking of stupid things.
| depression |
"When you FEEL like...""When you FEEL like you have no friends!" "When you FEEL like you don't fit in anywhere!" "When you FEEL like nobody loves you!" "When you FEEL like you're worthless!" "When you FEEL like you have no future!"
It's like advice is always worded like this. It's never when you DO know something, only when you FEEL like it. Because nobody actually is like that! You can only FEEL like it!
Just a rant sorry, I'm not doing too good. | depression |
I just wanted to let r/depression know...That this subreddit alone has made my first year on this site, by itself, worth creating a profile.
It feels good knowing that there ARE others out there like me who feel the same way I do. Some days are better than others, and some days are living nightmares, but it's nice to at least be able to confront it with a support group like this subreddit, even if it is 'invisible'.
So, thanks! I really just wanted to express my gratitude to all of you before I go to sleep and start another dreary week. You'll all be in my thoughts. | depression |
Would you date a trans I wouldnt | teenagers |
The best thing about ending your life is that you'll no longer be encumbered with the responsibilities and have them weigh you down.As it's the beginning of the month, I'm at my computer paying all my online bills, and I just see them all piling up, Student Loans, Electric, Internet, Gas, etc. And it's just too much for one person to deal with. But then if I end it, I'll no longer have to deal with all these bills and the like. It'll finally set me free from everything.
But it just won't happen will it. | SuicideWatch |
How do you keep going?I'm just so done with everything. I work a 9am to 6pm corporate desk job where I am literally nothing more than a number. We've been on mandatory overtime (5 extra hours a week) for about three weeks now, and the end of that isn't in sight yet. That may not seem bad, but I have a *ton* of trouble just getting through 40 hours a week without breaking down.
I just don't know how I'm going to keep doing this. I don't have a choice but to work because my husband and I are in a *ton* of debt (student loans mainly). But I can't keep working in an environment like this. It's way more stress than I can handle.
So, what are your tips on how to keep going even when you don't want to? | depression |
I really don't want to live anymoreBut I don't want to have my kids live with the stigma of a parent who killed themselves. It would be so much better if I could have a heart attack or a car accident. Sure the sorrow will be there, but short term. No shame. And they would be better off. | SuicideWatch |
I'm having a really bad depressive episode right now, and I wrote this.**Depression is a cry for attention from someone who doesn't want to be noticed**
I don’t think the average person understands just how difficult it is for someone suffering from depression to talk about it. How deep the fears go. The fear that the average person will either dismiss what the sufferer feels, to misunderstand, to belittle, or the worst: reject them for reaching out.
The sufferer always worries that what they need to talk about will seem so little to someone else, so unworthy of worry. One person’s mountain is another person’s mole hill.
But sometimes, for some people, mountains are insurmountable.
Even worse is when the sufferer finds someone they can talk to when they’re at their worst … and knowing that eventually, they’ll use them up.
And then they do. And then they’re gone. And the sufferer has no one to blame … but themselves.
No one wants to be a burden on someone else, especially someone with depression. The sufferer doesn’t want to drown the person trying to save them, or find out one day that when they reach out, that person is no longer willing to listen because the sufferer is just once again going through the ‘same old thing’, not realizing that this ‘same old thing’ is really just a way of life for someone with depression.
Depression is an ongoing game of hide and seek. Hiding true feelings when someone asks how they are doing, while desperately leaving just enough clues about how badly off they really are in hopes that someone will care enough to seek out what’s really going on.
And then there’s the shame. The sufferer’s shame in knowing that they’re not normal, that they’re broken, that nothing has been able to fix them. Shame in knowing that they should feel happy, but for some reason, they can’t. The shame of not knowing why.
And, especially for the adult sufferer, the shame of needing help.
It’s so much easier to be alone. To suffer in silence. To put on a brave face and just reply that you’re ‘fine’ whenever someone asks how you are doing. When you’re alone, you can’t hurt someone else. I don’t think anyone with depression wants to give it to someone else or wants to hurt someone else; I think that’s something they fear more than anything.
The sufferer would rather hurt themselves than hurt someone else. Because even if they don’t think they’re important to that someone, that someone is important to them.
And maybe they’ll do bad things that the average person cannot understand. Maybe they’ll find a razor blade and quickly slash it across their skin in hopes that the physical pain will drown out the mental anguish. Maybe they’ll do it to punish themselves; because why would anyone have bad thoughts unless they are a bad person?
Maybe they’ll do it because it’s easier, better than asking a friend to talk to them.
Maybe they’ll do it because they want someone to notice that they feel so badly on the inside that they’ve made it visible on the outside.
And the sufferer will end up feeling even more ashamed. Because they know they can’t do anything right. They can’t do anything ‘normal’.
It’s hard to talk to someone with depression; it’s hard not to just brush them off and tell them that everything will be okay, that they just need to cheer up. It’s equally hard for the sufferer to hear these things. To have what they’re feeling, that which is hurting them so badly, dismissed as nothing more than just a phase they need to ‘snap out of.’
If it was that easy, if all a person had to do was cheer up and snap out of it, why then would anyone have depression?
Depression is a cry for attention from someone who doesn’t want to be noticed. Depression is a soul-crushing blackness that’s hard to attribute to anything. Sufferers can laugh and still feel like they’re dying. Sufferers can have close friends that they love and still believe that the best thing they can do for these people they care so much about is to just disappear. That the greatest gift they can give someone is to remove themselves from their lives and no longer hold them back.
Sufferers don’t always feel, or are able to accept, that anyone could possibly like them, or that they could be important to someone else. How could anyone possibly love someone like them? They’re damaged goods.
And damaged goods aren’t useful to anyone. Damaged goods are just taking up space. Damaged goods need to be discarded.
The sufferer doesn’t always want to die so much as they want to live, just not like this.
Suicide is the greatest selfish gift the sufferer can give. The sufferer doesn’t want to be a burden all the while knowing that all they want is for someone, maybe a specific someone, someone they’ve tied their heart to, someone they’ve opened their soul to, to just hold them and tell them that you know things aren’t okay right now, but someday, they will be. To tell them that while they may not understand, they want to. To tell them that they’re too important to lose. To tell them that they’ll try to help, and mean it. To help them try to believe you.
Someone suffering from depression is afraid of snuffing out the light of hope by pulling it too close, holding onto it too tightly, needing it too much, loving it too much, until finally, one day, they open their hands and find that the light has gone out.
Because, guaranteed, it’s happened before. Maybe more than once. Maybe more than ten times. Maybe every light they’ve reached out for has been snuffed out in their hands.
And they feel they have no one else to blame but themselves. It’s always their fault. It’s always because they’re broken. The next light they see may be the one they’re finally afraid to reach out to, because they’ve detsroyed so much already.
They feel they are nothing but an infection in the life of someone meaningful and, sometimes, the only cure for an infection is for it to be cut out. And tossed away.
No one misses an infection. No one will miss the person spreading their disease, even when they don’t know that they are. No one will miss the gray cloud that always ruins the sunny day.
Not everyone understands that even gray clouds might long for the sun.
All the sufferer wants is to be normal. Praying to a god they have no reason to believe in for something to change. Longing to feel what the average person feels. To know what happiness may be. To just not hurt anymore for no reason at all. To finally no longer be a burden. To accept that most times, the answers the sufferer so desperately needs are not the answers they’re going to hear. To be able to change their questions. To not second-guess their answers.
The answers that the friend of a sufferer needs is that whenever you may hate them the most, that’s when someone with depression needs you more than ever.
And the sufferer will hate themselves for needing you more than you’ll ever know.
**ETA: Thank you, every one who commented. You helped me feel a lot less alone.**
| depression |
I love you guys on this subreddit y'all made me feel less alone...and take care ...I will be gone foreverI love you all....y'all get the idea of how much life with depression sucks
Y'all understand what is it like to have a heavy soul while no one understood me and my issues
Sometimes family sucks
Sometimes everyone just sucks towards you
This is it ....give me your goodbyes because I won't last long | SuicideWatch |
My brother drinks orange juice after brushing teeth I think it's about time I disown him
Dude likes the taste of orange juice straight after brushing his teeth | teenagers |
I feel like an imposter, my achievements don't mean anything, at a maximum, my life will be ordinary.Lately, my achievements have felt somewhat empty - I feel like I have just done a really good job at convincing people I belong and deserve them. I got selected for a fully paid for trip for "young innovators" (18-25)- I felt like a fraud as if I shouldn't be there, surrounded by amazing individuals who are working on awesome things, and then there is me, who happens to be kinda okay (no expert) in a field that is super buzzword and talent starved in the tech community.
I am fairly certain I am just unintentionally convincing people that I know more than I do, or that things come easy to me. Which makes me sad because the result of that ends up growing old and achieving nothing great.
I don't know how I can work harder, I already put in around 100 hours weeks to try and lift all of my skills to the point where I can do the things I want to do, but at the same time I feel disgusted at how little I have done.
I don't want to be one of those people who start things, and never finish them. I don't want to be that guy who is always working his next big thing. | depression |
AloneI'm really freaking down and there no single person in this work I can turn to anymore. I lost everyone made them turn away or got them to ignore me. I did always the same by turning away from some and just overpressure the rest.
I don't really want to talk about my problems anymore because there's no use in it. I want to get drawn away by someone. Want to experience any kind of fun or positive thoughts. But no matter who I will talk to, there won't be fun. Because I won't allow it. I don't stand the loneliness anymore the thoughts and the whole me. It's just too much.
AND NO, I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU GUYS WHAT'S GOING ON. Was asked too often and answered too often. To random ppl on Reddit to friends to therapists there was no use in any of it so I'm not going to talk to you guys and explain my situation. It's exhausting to talk about it. I want to get away, to a point where only the deepest love or the hardest drugs can bring and I'm not going to experience either of them. | depression |
My favourite quote I can’t save myself so I’ll give em hell
If you know where this came from put it in the comments and I’ll tell you if your right | teenagers |
I don't even know why (ignore this)So I'm sitting drunk ( I don't condone this by any means) and a brain wave. I had a friend over tonight, and I did the whole self pitty thing that I do. And after he left it hit me hard.
That **I'M** the problem. I'm the reason why nobody wants me around. Why people don't invite me to things. Why I'm not worth anybody's time. Why if I fell off the face of the planet there'd be cause for celebration. I know everybody has there own problems. And me feeling alone is no excuse. But I don't know what else to do. I'm sitting typing on the internet looking for answers and help only to realize that I suck and not worth the air I breath. Fuck
I'm Sorry Reddit | depression |
Do you have situational / locational depression?A change in location may be exactly what you need!
Myself, I think I used to. Here are two links on the topic: [The Examiner](http://www.examiner.com/urban-decay-in-national/the-area-with-the-highest-rate-of-depression-america-do-you-live-there) and [Business Insider](http://www.businessinsider.com/most-depressing-cities-in-america-2011-3?op=1). It makes sense, because I have lived in the easternmost portion of the Rust Belt for my entire life. Yet, nearby is Ithaca, NY, which is an absolute retreat. Having spent years submerged in culture, positivity and all of that, it immediately stands out that certain areas are poisonous. Truthfully poisonous. It's immediately recognized.
So, with that being said, I suggest moving and a location change to conquer depression. Myself, I doubted it when I read about it years ago, but now I believe it. A simple move of one hour's distance can make all of the difference in the world.
It worked for me. Do you have it? If so, explain. | depression |
I don’t know who I am anymoreIt’s been a while since I’ve made a post here. As with many others I once thought I was getting much better, thinking I’d be back to normal in no time. That hasn’t happened, evidently.
I started going to therapy for the first time back in October. October and November was hell for me, he worst time of my life. Reality felt looser, more malleable, less defined. I sort of let my emotions and thoughts run wild, at first seemingly on purpose, for whatever reason (I’m stupid, probably). It was terrifying, losing my grip on reality. On top of this I started having a sudden and startling identity crisis. I began questioning every part of my life, who I am and what I’ve done, what I know, how I know. For some reason my mind decided to kind of shut down and decide it doesn’t really know anything, along with not really knowing what reality is. I don’t see or hear anything, no hallucinations of any kind, but my thoughts are noisy and very intrusive. Like I said at the beginning, I started to feel better and thought this was just a weird fluke. Yeah I’m depressed and a little suicidal, but I don’t struggle with something as serious as not knowing what reality is, believing in strange delusions (even if only for a short while..). It tonight is starting to feel like everything is coming crashing down again. I don’t want to go through what I went through in October and November again. I truly feel like I’m losing who I am and where I came from, which only adds to my identity crisis.
I know no one here will likely have much to offer as advice, if anyone even bothers reading this, my posts tend to attract very little traffic. I imagine most people will only be able to sympathize with me, which is appreciated. Maybe we can chat about whatever, I don’t know. Part of me wants a distraction from it all, I just don’t know where to go.
I wish I could die. I wish I had a gun. I once again want off this ride. Unfortunately, no, I am not in any immediate danger. I do not have easy access to a means to end my life. I wish I did. I wish I could tell you this is it, and that there’s nothing you can do about it. I wish that were the truth. Sadly this last paragraph isn’t the truth, it’s all wishful thinking. I’m so fucking sad. | SuicideWatch |
Can you please help this person? his reddit id is PM_me_your_buildsFrom this post: https://www.reddit.com/r/pcmasterrace/comments/4d7izd/giving_away_pc/ . This person wants to get rid of their pc, and then commit suicide. his account was created minutes ago, and i think that means he wants to do it quick. he has also posted on hardware swap, and has said in one of his posts on that he is under 18, so i think this is puberty related suicide thoughts. Thank you. | SuicideWatch |
I have started cutting again today.Hello everyone.
Today I broke a promise to the person who means the most to me. I promised my ex I wouldn't cut after we started dating and today I finally did. It's been about 6 months since I last had. I must say, I haven't felt this good since my ex and I split up. Definitely has delayed my inevitable suicide by some time.
I used to never need anyone. I was dependent upon myself and then I eventually start to trust people and get let down by every single one of them. I've let people down (today is a good example) and so what's the point? Now that I have started I don't plan on stopping anytime soon either. I don't know why I'm posting this. Just thought I'd share? Anyways thanks for reading. | depression |
Day 233 of writing something positive that happened to me today Wrote my last test and now I dont have any for the next few weeks | teenagers |
i cant do this anymore i want it al to just stopI want to die i'm so devastated I'm feel helpless. Im confused and lonelyand scared. My life has fallen apart and the harder I try to fix things it just keeps getting worse. I can't stop crying and the panicy helplessness wont go away. I tried to call the prevention line and its down in my area. I dont want to die i just want the pain and suffering the grief to stop. I know people will call me coward and my little girl will never forgive me or understand. but shes better off witout me. i cant take it anymore why is this al happening to me 8 years of turmoil and struggle. Help me please help me I dont no where else to go but I think about it endklessly. oh god make it all just stop. why cant I ger a break i hate my life and myself. im so sorryso very sorry. are you kidding i need to take the tiem to conect to twitter to post this what i mean itseverything | SuicideWatch |
Frustrated with medications: need something other than ssri, snri, or welly.Over the past 5 years I've been working my way through the list of anti-depressents and haven't found anything sustainable. Yeah, I'll spend a year on Zoloft or Effexor, but will end up having to get off it because of side effects. I've been on Lamictal through the whole process, which keeps me from completely bottoming out, but I know I need something else.
Here's what I've learned:
**SSRIs**: Through testing and trial and error, it's been determined that I don't metabolize SSRI's well. It takes so much to be effective that the side effects are intolerable, so those are off the table.
**SNRIs**: I've now tried three of them and they have all made me lose my hair. I know it's not typical, but my pdoc is hesitant to try me on others because this seems to be a constant.
**Wellbutrin**: Spikes my anxiety. Man, I wish it didn't because it seems like such a wonder drug for many, but even in combination with other things (took it with zoloft and lamictal for a long time) makes my anxiety worse.
That said, I'm about to start working my way through the *"atypical antidepressants"*, many of which are new and expensive (starting with Trintillex). I'm wondering if any of you have had luck with any atypicals, or have been in a similar position? I'm losing hope that I'll be able to feel normal without compromising my hair, my weight, my sex drive, or my anxiety...
**TL;DR - Can't take SNRIs, SSRIs, or wellbutrin. Is anyone on anything else that they can recommend?**
| depression |
People posting about “suicide prevention” on TwitterYet actively ignored me when I was ill and posted that I tried to kill myself and was about to again. Virtue signalling hypocritical fucks | SuicideWatch |
I have a tough choice to make could you help. So I just built a new pc and I have 2 options with my old one. I could either turn it into a minecraft server for 12 or give it to my little brother who dose not have a pc. All of my friends and people on me discord want me to make a minecraft server but my brother is begging me to give it to him. What should I do? | teenagers |
FrayedI did not want to post this, but I freaked myself out and know I need to talk about this before it manifests into something more extreme.
I have been having suicidal thoughts over the last month. Mostly minor things I could handle, but today it started feeling serious. I am generally a happy, fun-loving guy. However, I feel frayed. Broken.
Today is my birthday, and so far only my family has wished me a happy B-day. It sounds lame, but no comments on facebook, no texts from friends. I have realized I have very few friends. Looking back, I realize that every group of friends I have ever had has divorced me in some way. I am the common denominator. Something is wrong with me. The cycle is starting to repeat itself.
I see all my old friends and they are doing awesome. My used-to-be best friend hangs out with his circle...a circle that I started, and no one wants anything to do with me.
I have applied for OCS three times and have been rejected three times. I applied to law school and just received my rejection letter. Applying to these things is no easy task. It took me weeks, months and years to prepare myself. I feel like I can't win. I don't bitch to anyone because I want to seem like I have everything together. It's slipping. I am afraid I can't handle another rejection. I keep trying and trying and trying with not so much as a "nice try" from anyone.
I can feel myself slipping. My mind wont shut off and it is overwhelming me. I am engaged to the love of my life whom I have been dating for over 4 years. I know I love her...but things are changing in me. I am so frustrated. We moved into a new place and I have spent thousands (THOUSANDS!!!!!) in appliances over the last week. She is beginning to feel distant to me, despite us moving in together.
I am going bald at 24, losing friends, rejected from everything I worked for. I am beginning to get bitter and depressed which is expressing itself in anger and this terrible feeling of being frayed. I am scaring myself. | SuicideWatch |
-I would like to say thanks to Panderpmonium for sending me to this sub reddit
This is a repost of a post i put into depression originally but apparently this is a better suited subreddit so here i am
I would like to start this by saying i would to remain anonymous and just share something deep and personal. I'm not looking for a pity party i just felt like sharing what I'm currently feeling because no one i know would even get a bit of what I'm truly feeling but i hope you all can at least see where i'm coming from
I'm fucking horrible
I absolutely hate myself
I'm nothing
Useless
Worthless
A waste of time
A burden on all my friends and family and my loved one
I should just end it someday
I can't even do anything right and i fuck up everything and every relationship
I have no fucking good qualities
I can't fix anything
I can't clean
I can't cook
I'm not athletic
I'm ugly
I'm not a good student
I'm clumsy
Not trustworthy apparently
I'm probably shit at music its just everyone is too nice to tell me anything because they think i'm going to be hurt
I'm seriously contemplating leaving everyone's life so it can be the one thing i did right in all my fucking useless life
Know when to leave before i just ruin everyone's life
I'm ungrateful of what i have
My parent's have always given me everything i ever wanted ever since i was a child yet I'm still fucking depressed because none of them even take the time to truly listen to me but they deserve a better son, I'm just a disappointment. I have not once ever made them truly proud of me.
Not even my girlfriend fucking believes in me anymore
She may say she has faith in me or whatever but I'm not stupid
She doesn't believe in me anymore and thinks my word isn't worth shit and I'm not even fucking worth her time like why the hell am i even with her if i'm always fucking insecure and feel like shes going to cheat? I'm literal fucking trash and i don't deserve to even be with anyone
I'm probably meant to be alone because I'm too goddamn emotionally unstable and i have very low self esteem and how the saying goes "you have to love yourself before you can love anyone" but i can't even fucking do that
I probably won't live passed 40 from my constant torment
I have a vice that really isn't healthy for me but i continue to so i can at least ignore myself and drown out my insecurities but it always comes back
Everyone should stop giving a shit about me because i'm not worth redeeming
I'm so sorry to everyone for being a burden
Sorry to my friends for ever having crossed paths with them and torment them with my bullshit
Sorry to my parents for not being a good son and just a overall disappointment to my whole family
Sorry to my brothers for being a burden to them and for annoying them and for having them put up with me
Sorry to my lover for not being the lover she deserves
I'm sorry to everyone and I won't bother the world someday and when it happens. All my loved ones will have a much better life without me
I'm sorry
| SuicideWatch |
Please write asking for any advice, rant about anything, whether it be in comments or PMs, I will do my best to help you in the best way possible! Hi, I'm just a guy that looves helping others, hoping to get a career sometime in the future that may help other people.
I always believe the good in people, and I almost never jugde orhers due to this. Yes this has brought me hurt too, and has opened me up to abuse, but because I've had the chance to help some others, it has all been worth it!
Write about anything, asking for advice, maybe you just want to have someone to talk to, and I'll gladly listen!
I'm also open to any interesting facts, whether it be by something random or a hobby you have!
I'm a 16y old Danish male, but I usually hang out with people up to 22 years old due to my friend circle being a bit older than me, so I dont value by age or gender, in my regards we're all human.
I would be glad if I could just help one person with this :D | teenagers |
Unable to have any kind of funHi. Like the title says. I used to like videogames, but I don't enjoy them anymore. That was the sole source of fun in my life.
I don't have any friends or hobbies. Never mind a girlfriend. My body feels languid and sick all the time, so I don't enjoy anything physical.
I find myself without any fun in my life and I have no idea how I could get any.
Little help? | SuicideWatch |
I seriously fucking hate myself.I look in the mirror and become infuriated. Out of all the people in the world why am I given such a shitty face, body...everything? There is not a human being on planet earth with a lower sense of self confidence and self worth.
I fucking hate nearly everything about myself. | depression |
How quickly can someone become suicidalI want to know because I may underestimate how quickly someone can change. I'm right now quite worried on my friend , who hadn't been anywhere suicidal, become so as he puts very high expectations on his physics's results. He will obtain his results today and I don't know how he would react if it's extraordinary bad. | SuicideWatch |
Dopamine Deficiency and DepressionThe most common way psychiatrists treat depression is through SSRIs to balance your Serotonin (chemical in your brain). However, what's less talked about is a Dopamine Deficiency. Instead of your Serotonin being low, your Dopamine is low. Symptoms of low Dopamine are:
Inability to maintain concentration
Memory loss
Depression
Lack of pleasure in life
Weight gain
Chronic boredom
And there are more but that's what I can think of on the top of my head.
I am fairly certain this is what I am suffering from, and I'm trying to figure out exactly what I need to do to increase my Dopamine levels. I am currently prescribed 50-100mg of Welbrutrin (can't remember the exact dose right now) and I think this has helped a little. Welbrutrin is supposed to increase Dopamine to a extent but many people are saying it overall only increases Dopamine by a little. Now I'm trying to figure out how I need to change my diet to be Dopamine friendly, and I'm looking into supplements/vitamins for it. I also have started exercising though I began doing that way before I learned about Dopamine Deficiency.
If your SSRI isn't doing shit for you (like Zoloft for me), this could be what's going on instead. | depression |
GuiltI feel such guilt for feeling this way. I've had suicidal thought my entire life but I always kept it a secret so my mom wouldn't get angry at me.
I'm so scared to tell someone what I'm feeling. I'm afraid they will leave me alone.
I want them all to know how I feel but I'm afraid they won't accept it, or they will just tell me eberything is okay and to stop annoying them.
Please help! | SuicideWatch |
Waiting to dieI haven’t found an effective way to kill myself and I’m afraid it won’t work and I’ll be handicapped or something so I’m just waiting. I wish the government didn’t regulate drugs, it makes suicide a lot more difficult than it should be There’s nothing that I enjoy in life. The only thing I’m good at is school and I hate it. At work my boss found I had falsified data (I go door to door, canvassing and some days I’m too anxious to do it so I just fake it). I haven’t been fired yet, but I’m a disgrace and am so embarrassed. My life isn’t that bad, relatively, but there’s literally no reason for me to continue living because I enjoy nothing and am always in pain. I also have no social life because I moved and my anxiety makes me prefer being alone to trying to make friends. I’m a senior and next year I’ll be going to college so that means if I don’t kill myself I’ll have to spend another consecutive year at a new school with no friends. There is nothing in life that I enjoy and I get mad when I see people that are naturally happy and social because I’m jealous. Everyone at my school is always so happy and friends with everyone, I hate it. | SuicideWatch |
I can't do this all over again-snip- | SuicideWatch |
I'm not really sure.Please excuse my writing I'm currently smashed, i need help everyday i only feel sadness or contempt. I haven't felt happiness for over three. But why am i deppressed i should be happy i have a house to sleep in hot water Internet a ps4 etc. Why am i without hope. | depression |
Today is what I told myself, but now I have second thoughts.This isn't about suicide, though I do have a lot of thoughts about suicide. Today was the day I told myself I was going to get help two weeks ago. Today just seemed like a good day. But now I find myself trying to talk myself out of it. I tell myself that I am getting better on my own. I don't need the help. I am scared out of my mind to talk to someone. Maybe I am just afraid that if someone qualified tells me what my suspicions do, then I won't be able to ignore it anymore. I want to get help, but I don't want admit I even have a problem in the first place. I think today will end like every other time I have told myself I will go and talk to a doctor. With nothing. | depression |
Exams are making it worseMy GCSEs are in a month and I've done no revision. I try, but I genuinely can't find the motivation within me to put pen to paper. I'm so terrified of failing my exams but I've got no motivation to study for them, I'm really struggling to push out the thoughts that killing myself is the answer to this sitatuion. | SuicideWatch |
Why am I still not happy?Every day that passes, I try to surround myself by people that I know care about me but I'm still hurt. It's hard to go home now because I start thinking things that aren't true, but then start to accept them as fact. My heart was crushed, and I'm not sure if he even cares. Not one bit. I want to be happy again, I really do. But I don't remember how it feels to be happy. | depression |
I’m at work trying to find reasons not to kill myself right nowMy staff is beginning to notice that something is wrong. I just need this crushing pressure to get off my chest. I can’t keep going like this | SuicideWatch |
So uh big news Im a dad at 17 ...
I got my gf pregnant and my newborn son Mark was born 2 days ago on 9-12-2020 so uh yeah thought I’d just get it out cuz that’s all that’s on my mind | teenagers |
How Much More Can I Take?Everyday I wake up in a different mood, sometimes hopeful, sometimes upset, but inevitably, when I step out of my shower I know in my heart that this day will be just like the one before.
I'm just going through the motions now. Things that excited me before don't anymore. No ambition. Just going through the perfunctory motions of university and life. I don't know what else I can do.
Being mildly depressed sucks because meds don't help. Sigh. It's hard to imagine a time when I will ever be happy again.
I just don't know how much more I can take. | depression |
HELP MEI've got a problem, and there's really nowhere to ask for help with this kind of problem, so I'll post it here. It seems fitting enough anyway... I have these urges, and I want to fulfill them, but I know that what dies will stay dead, that there are consequences for my actions, and that I'm not thinking clearly. However, I have been losing touch with reality to the point where life doesn't phase me anymore. I've been desensitised, and my thought proccesses clearly reveal thhat logic. I have been evaluated by psychiatrists on multiple occasions and was always found to be of great mental health, so why do I want to do this so badly? How does one deal with these types of urges when they happen? (which seems to be more and more often) What do I do to stay out of trouble? Why am I thinking like this if I am "healthy?" | SuicideWatch |
Anyone down for some small talk? I currently can't sleep and I miss people so I want to talk. | teenagers |
New national anthem idea: Whoo!
What's that pair that packs that punch?
The unique taste so creamy with a crunch?
PB&C is what I'm thinking of
And it only can be found in my Reese's Puffs
Peanut butter, chocolate, great when separate
But when they combine they make the morning time epic
(morning time epic, morning time epic)
R, double E, S, E, S, yes
P to the U, double F, S, yes
R, double E, S, E, S, yes
P to the U, double F, S, yes | teenagers |
There isn't a single live chat available to over 25s in the UK after midnightI've looked and basically unless you're under 25 or part of the LGBTQ community, the only live chat for people with suicidal thoughts in the UK closes at midnight. I've found that response times aren't very good on 7 Cups of Tea plus they don't want you talking about being suicidal there.
It's really frustrating and upsetting that there isn't anywhere to have a 1 on 1 online talk. Or even a chat room would be better than nothing. Some people aren't comfortable talking to someone like Samaritans over the phone. | SuicideWatch |
Idc if i reposted I thought it was funny so i post it, i don’t expect it to get 1.5k, some ppl saw it and prob laughed, its a meme a joke ppl repeat jokes weather they mean too or not. | teenagers |
What Should I Donate my Money to Before I Kill Myself?I haven't decided when or if I'll go through with it. But I'd like to make a Will here soon that says my money will go towards X charity when I die.
I'd like something mental health related. Maybe even just something targeting the stigma around mental health. I've met one person in my entire life that I felt I could talk to about wanting to kill myself. I know I was lucky to even have her because a lot of people don't meet anyone they feel they can open up to.
Anyone else in my life I could talk to it would either fuck up my life by having me committed, or forever changing their opinion of me. And it makes it impossible to make my death look like an accident, so it would fuck up whoever I told if I went through with it too.
I know good treatments aren't readily available, but I don't think I have enough saved to really make a difference in that way.
Ideas are welcome, I'm open to anything at this point. | SuicideWatch |
Don't really know what to put as a titleI wrote [This](http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/srf3r/writing_my_thoughts_out_any_comments_are/) post a year ago. Not much has changed. I haven't worked for much in my life besides two part time jobs, I owe my parents everything. I give myself headaches thinking about all these things. I messed things up with the one girl I ever truly liked freshman year, and have been forced to be a good friend of hers ever since. I still don't know the reason why, but I pay for it every time I see her. I have done next to no work for my classes this semester. A semester that ends next week. In order to get in to my next round of Education classes I need a higher GPA which I will not get. I haven't talked to anyone about my problems and I lie to my parents and say everything is fine. I wish something would happen to me so I would have an excuse for my failures or something that distracts them from it. I drown and hide my problems in alcohol and going out to the bars and parties. I seem like a happy, slightly quiet person. Sometimes when I get drunk I'll get very depressed and quiet, but I try to be away from people at that point.
Today I sat out in the warm sun just to feel slightly more alive and feel something warm and comforting. No one else knows just how torn I am inside. I don't know what I'm going to do when this semester ends. I already signed a lease in a new house, and It's sign up time for classes and I'm still not sure what I'm signing up for because I won't be able to get in the Education classes. Maybe I'll finish my History degree. I don't even know if I want to be a teacher anymore. The profession is literally in the shitter, the pay is shit and the work is ridiculous. What do you do with a history degree... I wish I knew what I was good at and wanted to do.
I'm 21 going in to my senior year of college and I'm crashing and burning on the tarmac. I want to call my parents hysterically crying apologizing for not being successful like their other children. I want a car to hit me, I want to have a heart attack, I want to accidently get alcohol poisoning. I want my parents to see me and know everything and just say "it's ok". This is a cry for help isn't it. Fuck. This might be coming off a bit too extreme. I am not going to actively go out and throw myself in front of a car or purposefully chug bottles of liquor. It's the end of the semester and I am extremely emotional and no one knows. Nor do I want them to know. That's a dilemma I haven't solved. I don't know what to do.
Sorry for the format and abundance of periods. It's just easier to write thoughts as they come to me that way. | depression |
Should I just ask her already? I like her so much but what if she says no and our friendship is ruined? | teenagers |
In a hospital waiting room by myself while the man that caused this sleeps comfy at homeOn Thursday at 4 am I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He still hasn't apppologized, he has encouraged me to kill myself, bought fresh razor blades for me, beat me up, and told me he isn't sorry and that I'm a worthless fatass. Last night I cut every bit of skin I could reach and took a bunch of zanaflex. I begged him to take me to a hospital and he wouldn't so I had to drive myself while nodding out, praying I'd crash into a pole.
It's been 2 hours sitting here now. I'm completely alone. The hospital keeps saying I'm just going Through withdrawal but I'm not I don't even use anything
| SuicideWatch |
Pushing people away;People spend their whole lives looking for someone to love them, but when it happens to me, I have the overwhelming urge to run away. As soon as I feel myself slipping into that sweet intoxicating feeling of reciprocal love, I immediately shut down. It’s not rose-colored bliss for me. It’s a tangled knot of anxiety, an endless battle between my head and my heart.Logically, I know I’m being crazy. I realize that when you find someone who cares about you, you’re never supposed to let him or her go. But then my heart always seems to loudly protest, declaring that it doesn’t want to be anyone else’s. That it’s safer if it were only my own.
The undeniable truth about getting close to someone is that you give them part of your heart. It doesn’t matter if it’s big or small, you give part of it away. And once you do that, the person who holds your heart controls some part of your happiness. All of a sudden, you can’t help but feel butterflies when they look at you or quiet the pounding in your chest when they say your name. You wish you could make it stop, to gain back some of the control of your emotions, thoughts, sanity, but you can’t. You hate that they can make you more joyful that you could even imagine or the fact that in a second, they could break you. And that’s the beautiful, messy and truly terrifying part of it.He asked me not to run away, but would understand if I did. The thought of him walking out of my life was far more heartbreaking than the fear ending up heartbroken. | SuicideWatch |
Does anyone else hate weekends and days offI have three days off and I don't know what to do I hate it. I've been lying in bed all day just listening to music but I'm bored and lonely and I'm burning up even with the AC and fan on. And it's not even hot here it's raining all day. And my mind is racing all day and I've done nothing because there's nothing to do until Monday when I go back to work. So for now I'm stuck here in my mind and I want to just sleep but I can't | depression |
so its finally time i guess. i've felt it coming a while now. i hope this is legible and coherent.First of all, its all my fault and no one else. I just don't have any motivation left to improve, or even live this life. I'm sorry.
Mummy and Papa: You're the best parents anyone could ever ask for. I'm sorry to have been such a big failure, disappointment and to have wasted so much of your money.
Sister: I love you so much. I wasn't the brother you wanted me to be. I could've been a better sibling if I tried. But I didn't. I am sorry. I wish you all the best. Please take care of mummy and papa.
My roommates: I am so fucking sorry to leave you all in such a mess. Please try to understand that I tried my best. I really did. But it wasn't enough. It's never been enough. I am sorry.
To my advisor and Professors: I am sorry to have wasted so much of your time and resources when they could have been spent on someone worthy of help. More than me. I am sorry. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
To my friends back home: I am sorry. Please take care of yourselves. You were always there for me when I needed to talk to someone. Please seek help if you feel like it. I am so sorry you couldn't help me.
Everyone else: Finally, I wish you all the best. I just wasn't cut out to live a life. I am sorry for whatever pain I caused and I know I made all your lives so much more difficult. I won't be doing that anymore hopefully.
Goodbye :) | SuicideWatch |
Why does rejection hurt more when you're depressed?I try to ignore it but it always comes back to haunt me and it becomes hard to function mentally. | depression |
Anyone else like feeling depressed and enjoy the suffering of others?Maybe this isn't the right thing to post in this subreddit but I really enjoy watching movies and listening to music that's really depressing. It makes me feel a lot better.
Also, others have expressed concern that I generally enjoy the misfortune of others. Like if someone drills into their hand at work I find it pretty funny. Or when someone tells me they're having a problem at home or are going through hard times I have this alternate conversation in my head where I'm cracking jokes about it that I would find hilarious but they wouldn't so I keep quiet and feign interest in what they're saying.
Lastly, it's the same when something bad happens to myself. If I fall down some stairs or get in trouble at work or get pulled over I'm generally laughing about it immediately. I really like bad things happening.
Is anyone else here like this? I'm on my phone and it's pretty late so I'm sorry if things run together or I didn't articulate things as well as I should have. I'm 30 and male living in the USA if that matters.
edit: Let me add some context.
I have recently had a daughter a couple months ago. I don't feel anything for her, as with most things/people in my life. Her crying is pretty funny to me. I still feed her and change her immediately because I'm obligated to but the tears are seriously hilarious. Is there anything funnier than a baby crying? | depression |
How do/did you get RID of friends?Ignoring them, deleting them from contacts and all that crap works; most people got the message and moved on. For the rest, it'll take time.
I was hoping someone knows a quicker way, without drawing too much attention to myself. | depression |
Thank your teachers!! Not only do they deserve the thanks, but it’ll make them happy af. Trust me, everyone in my class turned on our cameras during biology to thank our teacher, and it made his day. Even if it’s a teacher you don’t really like, they’re trying their best in this virtual environment, and everyone should be grateful for that. | teenagers |
Why starstruck Why is everyone getting starstruck lmao | teenagers |
Rage turns into suicidal ideationFor a long time now I've noticed any time I get very angry, I want to kill myself. Yesterday was a good example of that. I was speaking with a recovery coach of mine. We have a great relationship, and part of his job is to challenge me on things. I made a decision on something and he kept asking me over and over again why why why. I kept answering him the best I could, and was finally like, this topic is over. I felt like he was forcing me to cave in to him. Yet I know I am an independent man who can make his own decisions. The outcome of those decisions are irrelevant; it's how I learn and grow a mature adult who is no longer a "yes man."
I noticed, as usual, after the conversation was over, that I wanted to take my life. I have a box cutter on me. I first fantasized about "pleasing" my recovery coach by cutting my jugular "for him." (I have learned for me, personally, this is my distorted way of trying to make someone happy. I know where this stems from and I'm working on this dynamic).
Next thing I knew, I started fantasizing about jumping in front of a high speeding train. I take the train to and from work, and there's a high speed train that speeds through on one of the tracks. I could easily jump on this track and get struck by the train.
Obviously I did not act on these fantasies as you can see. I woke up this morning feeling sad about the conversation I had yesterday. I hold no resentment towards ny recovery coach, I'm just sad. I felt ignored, dismissed, misunderstood, and disrespected.
I feel better just letting this out. It just sucks. I've struggled with suicidal thoughts my entire life. I just discovered this subreddit and it may become a safe place for me to just get my thoughts out. | SuicideWatch |
Autistic person at the end of his ropeI'm just so tired. I take care of my mom the best I can, but I just have no way to go through my processes like I used to. I also have no one to hang out with other than a friend once a month, as I have to travel a city over to hang out for a night to get a break.
I want to go back home to california, but there is no help for people with Autism Spectrum Disorders, let alone caregivers, to get to somewhere that they can thrive.
I want to work for a solar power company so bad. I know almost all there is to know about solar panels and energy storage, and I could give that my all and succeed. I can afford the places, but when it comes to deposits, I am screwed. And I can't fathom the thought of risking debt again(I just barely got my identity theft issue fixed, which I had no help other than paying a lawyer, which was a choice between food at the end of the month and harassing calls).
I had to drop out of college, because the stress from that incident became too much. I can't climb out unless I get to a place like California or even Nevada. I need to go where I can focus on solar panels and energy storage. I need to get my mom as close to home as possible, if not home, for her final years.
But there is no help for autistic adults for either. The best offered is a disability course and program that puts us in a goodwill or the like. But I can do so much more, and given the person that committed the identity theft often visits those, I can't risk running into him again. He was supposed to keep me safe, but instead he used me(my dad).
I can't take it. I'm going to lose my independence after too much more stress, and maybe my mother if I just shut down. I can't shut down now. Not with everything that needs to be done. But the more I bottle things up, the worse my health gets. It's the "rock and a very hard place" scenario.
Where can one with my disorders get help to get to where I can thrive by myself? | depression |
I dont know anymore.I am a second year student in University. I used to think I was going to be successful, get a job in capital markets, be wealthy, be popular, travel the world. Now I'm a mediocre son, on the verge of losing my scholarship, have 0 friends to support me and just rot on the computer watching porn and surfing the web. I am a useless person who had potential. I don't think I want to kill myself, but I wouldn't complain if I died. | SuicideWatch |
Meds v. "Talk therapy" (x-post from getting_over_it)Quick and (not so) dirty back story: Been depressed since I was 9-ish, currently 24, and started seeing a psychologist a few months ago. Haven't seen a marked difference in the intensity/duration of my depressive episodes. Today my doc asked what I think about meds, I'm very hesitant to the idea (I hate the idea taking aspirin, let alone psych drugs). But she likened it to a diabetic who was unable to control it through diet and exercise, who then would begin insulin to live a quality life. The analogy makes sense to me but wanted to know other folks opinion... (and yes I know everyone's different and there isn't one right drug/answer)
My question for y'all, do you have experience taking antidepressants? Tell me about it. If not, why did you decide against it?
<b>TL;DR Doc suggested I at least consider anti-depressants. I'm hesitant. Want to hear stories from others on why they do/don't take em. | depression |
40000 people online rn And nobody feels like posting smh | teenagers |
I'm feeling like I can't change anything. I'm scared.I'm going to be 25 next week. Starting a career seems impossible because I don't have experience, I'm not good enough at anything, and I don't have the energy/a little apathetic to learning new things. Even if I wasn't apathetic and I did learn a bunch of new programs like After Effects or get a certification in something, I don't have work experience with it so it doesn't mean anything, based on job postings I've seen.
Having a social life seems impossible because I've never had one before. They say things like "volunteer somewhere" or "join a meetup group" but I have always just stood in a corner shyly when I'm in a situation to meet new people. This feels harder to deal with when you have the starting a career problem, since you're living with your parents. I'm comfortable talking about these things in a small group of kids my age with autism disorders but I struggle thinking of ways to get out of this.
Naturally, I'd like to have a girlfriend, which hasn't come close to happening to me before. So, I lost a ton of weight and tried putting myself on online dating sites, thinking I could maybe at least make new friends. It's hopeless. I hardly ever get "liked", it's hard for me to come up with messages to send, and any messages I do get the guts to send are dead air. I'm questioning whether or not I'm simply just ugly.
I don't think I can change any of this. It just feels so overwhelming to me. | depression |
Why am I depressed?I've been feeling depressed since the age of 15 (I'm 21 now) despite never having major problems socially and economically. No matter what I do to lift my spirit there are times when something inside of me just switches and I go back to being a depressed, self-indulgent asshole with no grip on reality. I constantly think of suicide even though I know I don't have the guts to do it (had decided to jump form a high place when I was 16 but unfortunately I couldn't seem to do it). I'm not alone by any means, I have parents, a sister, a 1 year old niece and those are basically the reasons I haven't been trying more actively to go past my fear of killing myself, because I know those people would be terribly hurt by my actions. I even have an ex girlfriend who deeply cares about me, so much that I had to make a new reddit profile to write here because she sometimes looks at my activity on this site. I don't know why I'm always depressed. My life isn't great but there are a lot of people who have much much worse lives and instead of complaining fight through it. I just don't have the will to fight, I'm very weak in that regard and that's why I want to kill me, I know everything will keep going down for me because I don't have the mental strength to turn things around. I'm afraid I don't have the strength to kill myself either so I'll just end up as another depressed guy in a family of depressed people. Recently I asked my ex-gf if the psychologist she's been going to is good and if she's satisfied because I finally decided to get some professional help, but she was reluctant to tell me and seemed visibly upset about my questions, even telling me "you shouldn't have told me that" (that I want to see a psychologist). I'm afraid I suffer of bipolar disorder and depression but I think I may just be making that up to justify my lack of willpower and make myself a victim of myself (I don't know if that's understandable). Please tell me what you think and bear in mind that I have written this hastily in order to try and bring out my real self without thinking too much on what I'm writing. Thank you in advance. | depression |
Journal IIJournal II
5-26-14
I decided to try and write a list of my strengths and weaknesses.Here it is.
Strengths:
Weaknesses: Unattractive, unintellegent, forget stuff too quicklyl, can't grasp concepts that seem simple enough,
awkward, financial drain on my parents and anyone else, waste of time to talk too, pathological liar, overweight,
self pitying, bad speller, bad at simple grammar, extreme hypocrite, untallented, bad singer, bad at video games,
bad at puzzle games, bad at socializing, ADD, dreamer, follower, no backbone, I'm a sheep, has no thoughts that are,
good, pessimist, can't show proper amount of emotion about anything properly, untrusworthy, lazy, unobservent, cheater,
never had a girlfriend, had litterally 2 girls that were friends, can't properly identify what sexuallity I am,
slow typer, ugly writer, the writing ability of second grader if even that much, etc.
Verdict: BROKEN | depression |
Over it.I've posted a lot on here for the past month. I deleted a lot of my old posts though. I'm 18, female and in college.
I'm failing at life already. I have no money, parents have no money, no way to continue my education, no skills to get a job, huge student loans, and severe depression and anxiety. Recently, upon some research, I have discovered that there is a huge likelihood that I have borderline personality disorder. I have friends and family, but most don't understand or have too many problems of their own to help.
I'm miserable almost everyday. I'm failing school because I'm too depressed to get out of bed some days, or too tired because I couldn't sleep because of all the thoughts of killing myself running through my head.
I destroyed my relationship and the person I love the most and he now hates me. I destroyed him and if anything, he would be happy if I was gone. He's the only person that I believe can help me at this point.
People always say it gets better but does it really? With my fucked up head I don't think it's possible. And with my lack of education I won't get a job, and no money leads to stress... It's an endless cycle. A cycle that's not worth it when life is basically meaningless.
Basically, I don't think my mind is strong enough to make it in the world when I can't even handle someone leaving me without going batshit crazy. I'd rather save everyone the trouble and end it now. | SuicideWatch |
Do curses really serve a purpose anymore? I mean, people just kinda throw them around. I personally dont really curse but it's pretty common in my experience. | teenagers |
Introverted. Lost hope in making real friends. I’m going to end up milking myself.I’ve nevrr been good at making friends. It’s a three year process for me with lots of anxiety. Then it usually turns out that they are toxic and I have to leave. I just had to cut out the last two people in my life. My own sister and my bets friend of ten years. I only have my boyfriend left maybe and my dog. Ive been stuck in my room for two months. I’ve lost hope. Everyone I’ve ever gotten close to has abused me, taken advantage of me, or been extremely rude and toxic. Except maybe three friends throughout my whole childhood. I honestly can’t take it anymore. I can’t wait another three years but I’m too scared to get hurt again. I also don’t have the social skills to meet people and I’m too socially anxious. I just want it to end. | SuicideWatch |
Every fucking time I close my eyes.I can't sleep anymore, when ever I close my eyes my mind starts to get loud, I talk to myself in my head all the time but it's when I close my eyes that it gets worse, "The you from 5 seconds ago no longer exists, you never did exist, nothing exists, everyone is dead, not like anyone would know if you'd kill yourself, they never notice anything, the only pain it'll cause them is having to clean out your room, deciding what's worth selling, the only pain is how without your mother having you alive and disables mentally she can't afford the house, she'll have to move if you kill yourself, then your autistic brother would throw a fit because he hates change, your mum will be away from her friends all over again."
My biggest fear tbh if dying a virgin, silly isn't it? My fear used to be that I'd upset people if I die, as I grew up I realized that wasn't true, I deactivated Facebook a few weeks ago, no one even realized, not even my family, I had a gf of 8 months, split up 5 week ago, I broke it off, She deserved better, and I couldn't cope with dating someone who wouldn't give me any attention, someone who wouldn't even sleep in the same bed as me, someone who thought as a goodnight kiss as a chore, I was always there for my friend when his ex dumped him, got him kicked out of his house etc, he got a gf, I haven't seen him in 3 month, my other friend, haven't seen in 7 month. Neither of them have the time for me, they all have their own lives, me? I haven't left the house in 4 month, I'm scared of leaving the house, of going out, the reason I left the house 4 month ago? To give my gf-now-turned-ex a drawing of the dalmations from disney I made for her when I upset her because I called her "Hun" and she hated it, silly isn't it? Right now I'm on the brink of tears, I just can't cope anymore, the easily thing to do? It'll be to grab a couple bottles of vodka, overdose on my sleeping pills and go to the top of the Arndale Centre, hell it can't be that hard can it? 4 people already jumped from there and I'm pretty sure 2 of them was last week, All it would take is one mis-step and I'm gone... | depression |
I think this is my last post. Giving up, I apologize to anyone who I've disappointed.I have tried everything. Even learning a new profession. Turns out I'm a terrible learner and a shitty coder, just like I'm a shitty person.
Thank God I still have a job as a pharmacy assistant. This makes it easier... All it takes is a bit of the right shit, so I can go to sleep and never wake up.
Goodbye folks | SuicideWatch |
Changing my lifeSo after 4 years me and my fiance broke up. We won't be getting back together. My entire world has been flipped upside down and I'm crushed. Absolutely heartbroken. I drink most weekends and have been drinking a lot more heavier lately and going off the rails a bit. She still lives with me at the moment. My dad has offered me to come live with him. It's a new town, but i can transfer my job there. I'm thinking its the right thing to do, but I could do with some input, some opinions and stuff.
Thanks Reddit, this is a hell of a hard time and I appreciate any and all responses 😢 | depression |
Sadness of having no true friendsSo ever since I was in junior high, I was always bullied and looked down upon by everyone in my grade. I'd only ever be name called and had no actual friends that I could call friends. My friend group, including the super popular jocks at my junior high were all nerds. I was really dumb and had to cheat off all my tests to barely get an 80 to get any respect from them. Moving forward into high school, jocks and nerds split up, but we were all close between the two groups. In grade 10 I associated with the nerds, and grade 11 too. To be honest, I didn't really enjoy the fake friendships they offered to me. Even within them, I was the dumbest and would be mocked upon for my relatively low marks. I decided to puff my chest, swallow my pride and start off fresh in grade 12, my current year.. I'm trying to be friends with what u would call jocks, and they are relatively nice to me. I have some close friends within that group, only 2 to be exact, whom see me indifferently. The rest still acknowledge me, but also see me as a nerd (as I've always been pushed to work hard) from the nerd group. All but those two people whom I won't disclose, don't see me as closer friends of theirs. In fact the reason I'm writing this rant, is that today all of them, including the two that I disclosed as being nice to me, decided to make plans but I was never invited even though i was right beside them the whole fricken day. I feel so sad about it, and when one of the two close guys, left his class today for a bit to chill with me and the other guys during our spare, he was being nice and offered for me to come chill after school. Being sad about the fact that they don't truly like me and don't see me as a true friend, I declined politely making a false excuse. I'm honestly just so sad that I will truly never fit in. I'm also grateful that my situation isn't as severe as others who would be in a worse situation than me. All in all, I don't fit in with anyone and always feel so sad about it. Any help would be great. | depression |
I made a video regarding whether reviews are really helpful or not This video explains if you should either listen to reviews or not, and gives the right idea on what to do when given the desire to buy a game. There are some other jokes, and many inclusions of the Horny Man himself.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL5q5VsK-xs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HL5q5VsK-xs) | teenagers |
Yall imma be cancelled 😔 I found a video of me in 6th grade saying nigahiga but pronouncing niga *that* way | teenagers |
Online school is possible the dumbest thing there is. Half of my schools teachers don’t know how to handle it. My AP World History teacher told us about a test one day in class, and never mentioned it again. She never put out an announcement or anything, she told us about it Once. And since the test had then left my mind by the time of its date, I missed the test. Bringing my grade down to a c+, which overall my parents won’t accept. I don’t know what to do because I’m getting overwhelmed and just want to give up and ignore everything. | teenagers |
I have a challenge for you horny teens. Decode this. SWYgeW91IGRlY29kZSB0aGlzIHRoZW4gc2VuZCB0aGUgd29yZHMgIkZhdCBDb2NrIiBhbmQgSSB3aWxsIHNlbmQgeW91IHRoZSBjb2RlIHRvIHNvbWUgbWluZCBjb250cm9sIGhlbnRhaSBJJ20gcmVhZGluZy4= | teenagers |
I literally saw this so many times oh my fucking god Cishet writer: POV, everyone is assigned a certain color at birth. I was assigned red but wanted to be blue 😔😭✨
Trans people:
Non-Binary people:
People who literally are anything but cis: | teenagers |
God sure has a twisted sense of humorAfter being raped when I was a child I begged and I pleaded with god to just fucking kill me for 20 fucking years and now that I’ve finally stopped asking now that I’ve found something to live for he decides to start listening. I’ve found a huge lump in my groin this morning and all the thoughts come rushing back .. I refuse to die in some hospital if I’m gonna go now it’s on my own terms | SuicideWatch |
The gears aren't moving so well today....For some reason, it hit me today. My lack of passion, lack of friends, and the reminder of my ex girlfriend finally got me. It has a grip on me every single day. This feeling in my stomach constantly makes me feel sick. All these distractions aren't helping and coping with being alone isn't an option. Tonight, I told my father I was getting something to eat, took the car, parked it behind the old target store, and cried for three hours.
All.by.myself. Today and everyday isn't my day anymore. I'm just tired of being sad. I'm not anywhat sucidial, at all. I'm just tired of feeling sad. Thanks for reading.
tl;dr: Felt more sad than usual today, drove by myself to cry for three hours. | depression |
I have HSV1. I really contemplating ending my life tonight.I did everything right. I was in a long term, monogamous relationship. We both got tested before having sex. Except they don’t test for HSV, and my ex didn’t tell me he got cold sores. I ended up contracting HSV1 genitally after a year of being together. He broke up with me in December and is now in a new relationship. He can be happy and feel love again. He cheated on me and has cheated on his current girlfriend. But he’s still a desirable person because he has HSV1 orally.
I’ve been left tainted, and disgusting. I am now destined to live a life without sex, or love. I read posts on Reddit and I’m reminded over and over how I’m worthless now because I have a permanent STD. I was also so careful with sex, I’ve never had a one night stand. And yet my life is over. There is no point in living if I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life. | SuicideWatch |
I cycle up and down. Anyone else?Almost daily, my feelings go from suicidal to happy. I am getting help which does not cure my illness. On happy times, I feel OK about working the next 60 years. I live in a shelter.
In sad times, I plan suicide with intent.
It has been years like this. Anyone else? | SuicideWatch |
This is my b-day. i dont know if you guys care but this is my last birth day as a teenager. i wish i found this community before. but anyway since half of the community is not teenager, I guess I could hang around a little more:) | teenagers |
I'm going to finish my bookI was going to make an alt, but I didn't.
I decided about an hour ago that I was going to kill myself. Before that, my plan was to buy a car with a school refund and live in it until I could get a job. Instead I think I'll save the money for my mom. I don't have life insurance so maybe it'll cover funeral costs or something.
But before I die I need to finish my book. I started it four or five months ago. I refuse to not finish it. It's been my life for all this time, but I haven't written anything for a month. I can't get my mom, my brother, or my sister to read it. I keep stopping to get people's opinions on it, and I know that's why I can't continue. I was hoping I'd get diagnosed with terminal cancer, so I'd be motivated enough to finish it before I die.
Every fucking day of my life I beat my head into the computer screen and listen to NIN trying to squeeze a single word onto the page. Here I am, posting for god damn pity instead of writing. I just cried for a good hour, probably the longest time in my adult life. I feel bad for my cat, I don't know what's going to happen to her after I'm gone.
I am 19 years old, I've been in a cycle of homelessness and moving once a year during my entire life. Right now I live in a basement with my mother and my older brother. I never attended highschool because I moved too much to pass the 8th grade. Instead I got a GED, and I've been going to college for game programming. I think I have one actual friend, we don't talk that often.
If I can finish my book, then at least I could accomplish something. My life wasn't just a giant waste of time and energy and trying so hard to care and do the right thing. I could give something back and it wouldn't even be hard to kill myself afterward.
I have no fucking clue how long it'll take to finish, but there's no way I'm giving up until it is. | depression |
Rough day todayI've been doing really well recently. But that wasn't today.
I'm coming to the end of this academic term, counting down the days living with my housemate. Living in this town. All of my coursemates have graduated almost a year ago and have moved away. All of my friends from dorms have also moved away and graduated. I have to go back in September to finish off. I really don't want to go back. There is very little left here for me. Too many bad memories. Nothing to do.
I've also fallen into a pattern of nothingness which doesn't help. But I can't motivate myself to do anything. Spent all day today napping. Didn't leave the house, didn't work on my thesis. Accomplished nothing.
Just feeling very blah, struggling to look to the future and motivate myself. | depression |
what classic video can you never forget? for me its either door stuck or streets 1:12 both classic videos | teenagers |
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