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I feel guilty for saying this but I am relieved after my kid is institutionalized permanently

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/whatIhavetosay1 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Sep 24, '22, updated Oct 20, '22. I have changed the initials to fake names. OOPs account had since been suspended. Trigger Warning: >!mental health, suicide attempts, attempted murder.!< ODD is Oppositional Defiant Disorder and IED is Intermittent Explosive Disorder. A quick Google search describes them as: Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) includes a frequent and ongoing pattern of anger, irritability, arguing and defiance toward parents and other authority figures. Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) involves repeated, sudden episodes of impulsive, aggressive, violent behavior or angry verbal outbursts in which you react grossly out of proportion to the situation. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xn2t41/i_feel_guilty_for_saying_this_but_i_am_relieved/) I feel guilty for saying this but I am relieved after my kid is institutionalized permanently. I feel like a bad person saying this but here we go. My therapist also advised me to write here so I can feel more free. I(46M) have two kids, Adam (20M) and Ben (15M). This is about Ben. I wish I could word this differently but since age 1, we could sense something was wrong with Ben. He was always angry at something. Some days he would be an angel but most of the times,he was a wrecking ball. At first, us and his pediatrician thought it was trouble twos but it just continued. If his brother or a kid got his toy or his stuff, he would beat that kid and bite him/her . He was fired from 4 kindergartens at age 5 and we were at the doors of a child psychiatrist at age 5. Our journey started with an ODD diagnosis but after the randomness of constant anger attacks,he was diagnosed with IED at age 7. We thought we would have the answers and he would be treated,we were very wrong at the second part. Due to him having a fame, we have changed the school district (we live in EU, not in US) but it did not change. He still had tantrums and due to this,he has been in severe depression. It is heartwrenching to see a 8 year old to have depression,they don't have the childish happiness and hope. We have tried everything,we even had private tutors for him so he could be less exposed to the school environment,we even arranged special education and he has been in really supportive schools for mental diseases but it still continued and at age 10, we had the first suicide attempt (he hung himself up with my belt in his brother's room). Then at age 12, he stole his mom's (my wife still) heart medication (she has arrhythmia) and put himself in a comatose state. The next four years were hell. We had to send our older son to live with his grandparents at a different city and our house was like a mental health unit. We had a caretaker who lived with us fully and we couldn't use any kind of sharp or stab objects in the house. I learned how suicide proof rooms were done because we had to made it built to our house. If he wasn't committing suicide, his anger was directed outside. At age 14, he wasn't allowed to enter any public building in the town because he tried to beat someone or smashed down a window. He spent more days at a ward than outside. But 3 months ago, he reached to a new level. Until that day, he never tried to murder someone but at that day, he was almost killing (he had to stay in ICU for a month) a 8 year old kid for beeping with his bike while he was riding front of our house. He managed to open the door and he choked the kid until my wife became aware and hit his head with a pan. After that day, a judge ordered him to permanently institutionalized at a mental health center. I wish I could say I was sad but I feel happy. For the first time in 3 months,I feel nothing but joy and happiness. Me, my wife and Adam had a great week together since ages and we had our long-deserved vacation. I might look cruel but I can't think of anything but relief. I should feel guilty for saying he is governments problem anymore but I don't and it makes me feel guilty. I don't know if I love my son anymore but I feel glad. I am grateful to know he won't be around us anymore. I wish I could feel a little more remorseful but I can't. Maybe this is the thing that makes me remorseful. [Update 3 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/y8u1fs/updatei_feel_guilty_for_saying_this_but_i_am/) So, I am back again. Multiple parents with kids whom has IED have written and said they have felt the same guilt but after the permanent care,their life quality have been improved dramatically and I can attest to that. Since that last post, we have been to his institute twice. In first visit he was sedated and we saw him while he was sleeping Though at second visit he wasn't sedated and he was much calmer. He said he strangled that kid so he would be killed at prison. He said he had read about child murderers would be killed at prison so he thought he would finally be free. He said he still wanted to get out of this world. He said: "I just gave up, maybe I will die here peacefully but I know it shouldn't be at their expense. Please tell the kids family my apologies if you can." After this, we had a talk with his psychiatrist. She said "It was one of the best insights we have gotten from him and we have an idea but to be honest, be prepared for the idea of permanent residency." My wife shred a lot of tears but me and his brother were relieved. A said : "Some of us are not for this world and due to luck, it is my brother. Maybe he will feel happy here one day." It is not a good update but writing here, it just helps me feel a bit at ease. My wife is still sad not seeing our kid at house, she is grieving Ben's loss in a way. Maybe in the future he will have a sense of normalcy but neither his brother nor me have our hopes high on that. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11iyojq/i_feel_guilty_for_saying_this_but_i_am_relieved/

11iyojq

My husband is leaving me for someone else. I'm nine weeks pregnant

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/throw_away_left_me_9 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Sept 26, '22, updated Nov 21, '22. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/xp2etm/my_husband_is_leaving_me_for_someone_else_im_nine/) My husband is leaving me for someone else. I'm nine weeks pregnant He told me three days ago that he's been carrying on with her and he's going to divorce me for her. I'm nine weeks pregnant. He told me he'll pay whatever maintenance the court sets and he is sorry he didn't do it before I got pregnant. One of my colleagues has arranged an appointment with a solicitor for me. I have a job as a phlebotomist, a flat and my colleagues and family are lovely. I know it will be okay even if it doesn't feel like it right now though I am still in shock. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/z184dc/update_to_my_previous_post_my_husband_is_leaving/) Our flat was a leasehold so I couldn't just change the locks or bar my husband from the flat because it was in both our names. However he agreed to relinquish and the landlord agreed to keep me on as a tenant with a new agreement solely in my name. I'm employed so there was no issue with me affording the flat on my own. I did have questions about why I wanted to stay in the place I used to live with my husband. The flat is in a safe area and near my job and my family and with being pregnant on top of that the last thing on my mind is finding another flat. Since I'm employed and earn roughly the same as my husband spousal support would not have been ordered. We have divided up and closed our bank accounts and my husband has collected his things from our flat. Our solicitors helped us in settling things and making it legally binding. My husband agreed in writing that he will pay whatever child maintenance he is ordered to and that he does not want custody or to be part of our child's life and all sole decision making will be left to me. My solicitor says he could change his mind in the future but his written statements and lack of interest will work against him especially since he also has a solicitor to advise him. I asked about removing his rights as a father but unless he does something such as abuse or I find another partner to step in the legal system will not just remove them. Also removing them would affect my ability to collect maintenance from him. The woman he was carrying on with is also married but they have no children. It's my understanding that as soon as the divorces are final the two of them plan to settle in Spain where my husband's father retired to. That's what his solicitor said anyways. Everything is legally settled so I am just waiting for the divorce to become final because that takes time. Tomorrow I will be 17 weeks pregnant. Both the baby and I are healthy and my family, my friends and my colleagues have been lovely and supportive. I also appreciate the many lovely comments and messages I received here. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11izrwi/my_husband_is_leaving_me_for_someone_else_im_nine/

11izrwi

My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.

ONGOING

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM in r/relationship_advice** --- &nbsp; [**My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11a0mfr/my_24m_girlfriend_23f_just_broke_up_with_me/) - Feb 23, 2023 I have been with my girlfriend (Kate) exclusively for 5 years but on and off for 2 years before. A lot of my first happened with her. We went to each other's prom/school dances. We supported each other through tough times. I know Kate is out of my league and I did all I could to make her feel safe and secure. I'm in love with her and wanted a future with her. I went off to college and got a double major and Kate went into cosmetology school. We were planning to move in with each other in a few months and talked about marriage and children. For the last couple of months, she kept making comments like "my coworkers keep asking why I'm with you." "[Coworker name] thinks that you're not in my league." "My coworkers want me to hang out with them and meet new people." Every time I would ask Kate what she thought. She always said that she loves me and ignores the comments. Tells them to stop. But they kept saying these comments made by her coworkers. We always had open communication. Talked things out. We haven't had any major issues. We argue over little things such as movies and TV/Anime shows, food, etc. We don't hide anything. These comments started when she got the job at that salon. She works with all women. She did not cheat or anything. No emotional affairs. No hiding locations. No secret social media. The other night we had a nice date. Had a good after date. When I dropped her off at her place she commented that she was having doubts about our relationship and wanted to break up. I was super confused and didn't say anything. I slowly walked away. I know it was because of her coworkers. The comments they were making and pushing her to leave me. (She said so in a message) Less than 4 hours later she started calling me and texting me saying she was sorry, didn't mean it, that she loves me, and she was stupid for what she said/listening to her new "friends." She was going to quit and find a different job. Stop talking to her friends/coworkers. I have not responded to anyone. I'm conflicted. I love her. I have a ring being made for her. Money saved for a house for both of us. We share 85% of our friend groups. The rest are from our jobs. Most of our shared friends have now heard about the breakup and seem just as confused as I am. From some of the messages I have received, it looks like she told them the truth. That her coworkers started to give her insecurities about our relationship and she stupidly went with it. Her parents tried to reach out to me asking what happened (we are very close). I have been radio silent. Luckily I can work remotely. I left my apartment yesterday with my laptop and found a nice place with good internet to still do my job. I feel lost. I don't know what I did. I don't know how to feel. I need advice and suggestions. TL;DR my long-time girlfriend just broke up with me because her coworkers thought I'm not good enough for her. Quick update: after I posted my boss sent me an urgent message asking if we could do a zoom meeting. I accepted. When his picture came up there were 2 cops behind him. Apparently, someone (they wouldn't name) asked them to do a wellness check on me. They tried my apartment and no one was there. Then my work. I was not there. My boss knew I was actively working remotely and called me. I had to explain I was alright just had my phone off due to drama. I'm also supposed to go to her parent's house tonight. Update #2 we did not have a meeting last night. I rescheduled it for tonight (friday). Life also has a way of kicking you when you are down. As I was going through my missed calls last night I got a voice-mail saying that my ring would be ready to pick up today(friday). I also want to apologize for spelling and Grammer mistakes. I have not been in my right mind the last few days. Thanks for all the feedback. I will probably update tomorrow or Sunday. &nbsp; [**(Update) My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11bvcnv/update_my_24m_girlfriend_23f_just_broke_up_with/) - Feb 25, 2023 my long-time girlfriend just broke up with me because of her coworkers. They thought I'm not good enough and out of her league. Thanks for the messages and comments. It has been an emotionally draining few days. On Friday I cleared all my voice-mail and texts. I ended up with 61 missed calls(4 from the police) 14 voicemails, and 417 text messages. I sent a generalized message to those who reached out stating that I was okay and safe. As well as need time and space while I work out some personal issues. I picked up the ring since it was already paid for. Then put it in the box I made for it. I did go to her parents house. As soon as I pulled up Kate opened the door and ran out. She had been crying. Went to give me a hug I accepted but it wasn't how I usually hug. She then tried to kiss me I moved my head and backed up. We went in and sat down. We sat for about 10 minutes not saying anything. She started crying and said she was sorry. I just responded with okay. I asked her what she told everyone. She said the truth. I asked her why the cops were called to check on me. She explained that she didn't call them. After our friends found out they tried reaching out. After none of them had heard from me in over 24 hours they decided to call in the wellness check. Kate used the word catatonic to describe me while/after I walked away. I took a bunch of the questions you guys posted. I asked her why did she break up with me. She didn't give me a straight answer. Something about people at work constantly talking bad about me. And playing on her insecurities. I asked her why she kept letting that happen and not put a stop to it by setting clear boundaries. She said that she tried and it would work for a day but would go back the next. I asked if she saw value in me as a person or in our relationship. She said that she does in both. I asked why would she break up over something a random stranger said about me. She said she was sorry and it was a dumb mistake. (Paraphrasing) I asked how did they know about me or our relationship and how much did you/ they talked about me? The ladies at the salon overheard Kate talk to some of our friends or customers while she was working about me. Things we did like dates birthday parties etc. Did she believe her coworkers were right? She said no. I then followed up with WHY? She said again she did not know. I asked her if there was someone else. She immediately said no. She has never cheated or been tempted to. She offered me her phone which I declined. I then told her how I felt. Sorry isn't enough. If she wants this relationship she needs to prove it to me. I didn't care that her coworkers kept talking about us. It's that you listened. It isn't what they said that hurts its the fact that you kept listening to it and repeated it back to me. She didn't try hard enough to stop them. It makes me feel like she had to feel the same way to an extent. That is what hurt and damaged the relationship. That her insecurities are what broke my trust. I will now always think that this might happen again. She will run off at the next opportunity. She asked why I just talked away. I told her that at that moment. Just 2 sentences broke me and made me rethink my life up to that point and the future I was planning with us together. I was growing and making moves for that future. She started crying harder. I felt bad. The next thing I did I regret. I asked her if she knew I was going to propose soon. She said no. I pulled out and showed her the box. I made the box as well. It has two buttons one that says yes and one that says no. It has lights that say will you be my life partner? I set it on the table and pressed yes. the box opened and she started to cry even harder. The ring has both of our birthstones that form the shape of a completed heart with small diamonds surrounding it. Laser engraved initials and date of our anniversary. I had it made so that it could be added on to if/when we had kids. Her parents were there but were more just to make sure things kept civil. Her mom was crying and her dad looked pissed but not at me. They both made comments about the ring/box. I told her that the future I had planned was not going to happen anymore. We need to give each other space. At least 3 months of no communication. We need to take a step back and look at who we are and what we want moving forward. After that, we will see where we are at. But this is on my terms and timeline. I can't return the ring so I don't know what to do with it. Might end up just giving it to her if things don't work out. After 3 months or longer. She said that most of our shared friends told her off and blocked her. Her parents are pissed and her little sister hasn't talked to her since the first night. I said I'm sorry but actions have consequences. I wished her the best. Thanked her parents for all they have done for me and hugged them. I knocked on her little sister's door(I have known her all of her life). Thanked her as well. Hugged her and left. I have 4 months left on my lease. I'm thinking of possibly moving when it expires. Tonight I'm hanging out with a good friend Mr. Jonny Walker (just for tonight). I will get my life going again tomorrow. I don't know if there will be another update or not &nbsp; [**I would have purposed tonight.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_LTGFDM/comments/11enotu/i_would_have_purposed_tonight/) - Feb 28, 2023 Not sure if anyone will read this but.... If things didn't go down the way that they did I would have asked her to be my wife tonight at midnight. Our first date was on leap day. We would have been married on leap day of next year. &nbsp; --- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11jebtj/my_24m_girlfriend_23f_just_broke_up_with_me/

11jebtj

My (28F) husband (28M) took me to a creepy party his friend (28M) hosted and now I feel uncomfortable around his friends

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAcreepyparty in r/relationship_advice. Fun Fact for Mobile Spoilers: The word party comes from the Latin words partire/partiri (to share, part, distribute, divide) or pars (a part, piece, share). Using the word party for a person or group involved in a legal matter appears in the English language as early as the 1300s. References to concepts like a political party appear in the early 14th century. In the early 1700s, the English language starts to use the word party to describe a gathering of people. Estimated Reading Time: \~7 minutes trigger warnings: >!gross foods, degradation!< mood spoilers: >!unsettling!<   [**My (28F) husband (28M) took me to a creepy party his friend (28M) hosted and now I feel uncomfortable around his friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/my_28f_husband_28m_took_me_to_a_creepy_party_his/) \- 13 September 2021 My husband has this group of friends who he is very close to. They all grew up together and still see each other regularly. They’ve always been nothing but nice to me for the entire 3 years I’ve known them and before this had never made me feel uncomfortable in any way. On Saturday, it was his friend’s birthday, so he invited us to his party. At the party there was a table full of gross things like you would see on a survival show and these men were paying some girls to eat them, and they were filming it and laughing at them. My husband intentionally kept me away from that side of the party but at one point I needed to use the restroom and I couldn’t find him after, so I ended up there. When I was there this random guy came up to me and tried to get me to eat one of the nasty things. He was pretty aggressive about it. One of my husband’s friends saw me and he told the guy “not her” and then he asked me where my husband was and made a joke about how he shouldn’t have let me out of his sight. He then stuck to me like glue until we found my husband again at which point he whispered something to him and then left. I feel so repulsed and creeped out by the whole thing. I literally had a nightmare about the party. It doesn't help that I spoke to one of the girls and she said she had no idea this was going to happen before she got there. The dilemma I have is that we see them often. We’re supposed to see them in 2 weeks, but I feel so uncomfortable just at the thought of having to be around them, especially the host. Honestly, I see them all differently now and it’s even made me see my husband slightly differently, even though he never participated. I feel like I’m doing a horrible job at explaining it but the whole thing was extremely creepy to me. I don’t know how to tell my husband this. Those friends are like family to him, and I feel like refusing to go will cause tension between us and make him feel like I’m forcing him to choose between me and his friends. Any advice on what to do? TL;DR – Husband’s friend hosted a creepy party where men were filming and laughing at girls eating the gross things they paid them to eat. It’s made me see his friends differently and now I feel uncomfortable around them. [OP shares what the gross survival show things were:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcoil4d/) *There was a lot but things I noticed were live insects, eyeballs, bulls testicle smoothies and pigs uterus. I know there are probably places or cultures that eat this and I'm not trying to insult anyone by saying it is gross, but the things stunk really badly and I feel like they intentionally made the stuff look as disgusting as possible. I didn't eat any of it, so maybe it tasted better than it looked but I doubt it based on the smell.* [OP writes how she knew what the gross foods were:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcp6pb1/) *They had labels with prices.* [OP describes the relationship statuses of the friend group:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcok4tu/) *The host has a fiancée. 3 of them are married, the rest all have partners except for 2 who are single.* [OP responds to the question "Were the friends who have spouses and fiancee's participating at this party?":](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pnd24k/comment/hcomz11/) *Not the married ones since they were the ones I spent most of my time with. The host probably did but I never saw him do anything. I saw two of his friends there who were definitely watching and participating. One was single, one is in a relationship.* *Honestly the more I read the comments and think about it, the more sick I feel. I wish he never took me I don’t understand why he would even want to go.* &#x200B; [**UPDATE – My (28F) husband (29M) took me to a creepy party his friend (28M) hosted and now I feel uncomfortable around his friends.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s71kms/update_my_28f_husband_29m_took_me_to_a_creepy/) \- 18 January 2022 (text via [Rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s71kms/update__my_28f_husband_29m_took_me_to_a_creepy/)) I posted a few months ago about the creepy party my husband’s friend hosted. I was supposed to see them 2 weeks after my original post but I got out of it. My anxiety was sky high and it made me physically sick so I had a legitimate reason for skipping the event. It took me a long time before I actually gathered the courage to say anything to my husband about what happened that day, even though he had been asking me multiple times before if I was okay. When I first told him he was super understanding and promised nothing like that would ever happen again. While he was upset when I told him I didn’t want to be around his friends, he told me he understood and wouldn’t force me. Also, he already knew what happened with the guy who approached me (his friend told him), all he would say was that he had handled it and it wouldn't happen again. He continued hanging out with his friends separately and eventually they asked him why I was never there anymore and he told them. They did reach out to apologise/justify the party but I never responded to any of them. Things were starting to get better until recently. My in-laws hosted a birthday dinner for my husband. I asked my husband if his friends would be there and he told me it was just going to be family. When we got there, his friends were all there. I ended up leaving the dinner without telling anyone because I couldn’t handle being around them when they were all trying to act like nothing had happened. I did text my husband when I was in the Uber but he was pissed at me when he got home for leaving the way I did. We had a big fight and I ended up locking him out of our bedroom because he wouldn’t drop it. He’s still angry at me over what happened but I’m pissed at him too. During the fight he said I needed to get over what happened and that his friends wouldn't hurt me. He kept telling me I had nothing to be worried about because he was right there and he wouldn't let anything happen to me. I got really angry at him and asked him if I had nothing to worry about like I had nothing to worry about at the party because I was married to him. I asked him would he still say that if we weren't married or if I would've been fair game then. He implied I had misunderstood what was happening at the party, that I had worked myself up over nothing and that I was being ridiculous. That’s pretty much the update. I just wanted to thank everyone for all of the advice and comments in my original posts. It really helped me realise I wasn’t crazy for feeling the way I was feeling and I kept coming back and reading the comments when I felt like I was being irrational. TL;DR – Husband was initially very understanding and I didn’t have to be around his friend. He tricked me into going to his birthday dinner when he knew they would be there and is now angry at me for secretly leaving. [OP questioned her husband's attitude towards the creepy parties:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/s71kms/comment/ht7wj88/) ***Redditor #1:*** *What bothers me is that her husband's reassurance that she "has nothing to worry about" implies that he's okay with giving the other girls something to worry about. So gross* ***Redditor #2:*** *That's whats got me too. Like "it's only awful and disrespectful if it's my wife, but I have no problem watching and laughing at other women being degraded".* ***Redditor #3:*** *This. The real issue is this shouldn’t BE entertainment for anyone. If I were OP I’d make husband answer what makes her so different from the women at that party? And will he ever just decide she isn’t worth respect and decide it’s her turn to eat fear factor bullshit? Will he ever decide he can make her do whatever he wants if he is the breadwinner?* ***OP:*** *I tried to make him answer your first question, he told me I was changing the subject.* [OP gets advice on clearing the air with her husband's family:](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s70fzn/comment/ht8ms79/) ***Redditor:*** *If I were you, I'd text the parents and explain why you were uncomfortable in full, creepy detail. Make them think twice about their son's friends and judgement.* ***OP:*** *The thing is I don’t know if they’ll side with me… his friends are the sons of their friends so part of me is worried that this is just normal for all of them and I’ll look crazy trying to make this an issue.* &#x200B; **OP asked** [**AITA for leaving my husband’s birthday dinner because I didn’t want to be around his friends without saying goodbye?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s70fzn/aita_for_leaving_my_husbands_birthday_dinner/) **shortly before the update. It shares no different information from the post above.** [Top Comment Rating: NTA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s70fzn/comment/ht6vr76/) *I read your other post. OP, I don’t think you owe those friends anything. At the creepy party, you were treated like a victim. Until his friends knew who you were (wife, instead of paid party girl), they were targeting you and wanting you to eat the weird things & film you.* *Those friends saw “woman” and immediately categorized you as “girl here for our amusement”. They didn’t see any women at that party as people. In your description of the party, you talk about how the women there were paid to eat the gross things, how they were filmed & mocked. I wonder if you would feel different if EVERYONE at the party was being filmed eating the stuff—but it was just women being targeted.* *In college, I went to some frat parties & saw frat members do gross shit—drink a gallon of milk & then immediately barf it up, drink alcohol until they passed out & pissed their pants. I went to a private college with some rich kids, and there were more than a few early-2000s camcorders catching it all. It bothered me. It made me wonder if I should hang out with those guys, because I worried that at some point, they’d want me to be the target of the humiliation.* *I would be willing to bet that’s what’s happening to you—you watched this group humiliate these women. You now realize your husband is at the very least “cool with it,” since he knows about it. You also had them start to target you until 1 guy said something like “not that one.”* *I don’t think you owe his friend group anything. I hope you can figure out a way to deal with this. I hope your husband can grow a pair and honor the vows he made to you.* &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

snarfblattinconcert

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11jlnb5/my_28f_husband_28m_took_me_to_a_creepy_party_his/

11jlnb5

I’m planning on abandoning my family as soon as I turn 18

NEW UPDATE

*As usual, I am NOT OP, the original was posted by* [*u/Purpleindianfrog-379*](https://www.reddit.com/u/Purpleindianfrog-379/) *in* [*r/TrueOffMyChest*](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/)*, and a* [BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z55055/op_plans_to_escape_his_toxic_family_when_he_turns/) *was posted by* [*u/KittenDealinMama*](https://www.reddit.com/user/KittenDealinMama/) *on Nov 26, 2022. OP has since made a new update, hence the repost. Like KittenDealinMama, I've edited in paragraphs for readability. And please remember the brigading rules! No contacting OOP! (The original post is locked, so you can't comment there, anyway.)* # [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wix8tc/comment/ijgjvrz/?context=3) (Aug 8, 2022) My family sucks. I (17m) turn 18 in 2 weeks and I’m getting the fuck out of here as soon as the clock strikes midnight. My parents have extreme bias towards my younger brothers (16 and 15m). It’s been like this forever. I have no idea why. I’ve always been the one who had to do all the chores in the house. I also have always been forced to play every single sport I possibly could to the point where my schedule was packed 365 days a year. My father told me it would teach me to be a real man. But my brothers never had to do any of that shit. They’re both fat lazy fucks who sit around and play video games all day and all night. They miss school at least 30% of the year and are constantly spoiled rotten by my parents. They already have thousands of dollars from birthdays, Christmas, and other holidays. As soon as I turned 12, I was told I would no longer ever be receiving and gifts from my parents other than “bare essentials.” I was told I had to pay for my phone and any other expenses I wanted to own and to never ever ask for anything. I wasn’t able to own a phone or anything really special for myself until I was 16 because I couldn’t find any actual jobs that paid good money. My parents also expect me to take care of my younger brothers when I’m an adult. My younger brothers have both decided they will not be going to college and do not plan on working a day in their lives. My father told me “we kept you alive, you owe it to us.” Fuck you. I’m leaving a nasty letter on the table when I leave and changing my phone number, emails, and everything. They will never be able to contact me no matter how hard they try. I know my younger brothers are gonna be screwed for life since they have zero experience on how to survive in the real world but I don’t care. That’s my parents burden now. I hope they go broke from having to fund my brothers lifestyles and I hope they lose everything. I have no sympathy for these people and I will never feel bad no matter what happens to them. The only thing I owe to my parents is the fact that because of the shitty treatment over the years, I am well capable of surviving on my own in the world. I’ll be going to college to study finance in Virginia (they have no idea I’ve been accepted to any college, never even asked) and I’m also very physically fit due to playing 6 sports a year. However the trauma will never go away. They took away my entire childhood and i will never forgive them for it. They can all go fuck themselves. # First Update (added to the post on Aug 22, 2022) I’m happy to report that I am officially gone. So the last two weeks after I made this post have been crazy stressful, but I’ll sum them up here. I changed my number a few days ago by calling my SIM card provider. Then I went and got a copy of my birth certificate since I don’t know where my actual birth certificate was (I couldn’t just ask my parents) and I also made sure to check that my bank account was secure and not shared with my parents. I purchased a plane ticket last week to fly in to Dulles International Airport in Virginia, just outside of where I’ll be attending college in Fairfax. Finally, I called one of my cousins, whom I am very close with, and asked him to please pick me up at around 12:30 AM last night. He agreed with my decision to leave and told me he was proud of me for taking action to improve my life. I packed my stuff up after everyone had gone to sleep and waited. I decided to keep my note to my family short and sweet; all I wrote down was that I was moving to go to college in California (lmao) and that I was never coming back. So, last night my cousin picked me up, we went to the police station where I gave them my proper identification and informed them that I am not missing and am leaving on my own accord now that I am 18. They told me they’ll keep it in mind and will watch out for that potential call in the next few days. I got a few hours of sleep at my cousins and then flew out of New Orleans International at 6 AM. I am now sitting in my college dorm 950 miles from home and I’ve never been happier in my life. I can’t wait to meet new people and finally enjoy my youth. Thank you to everyone who gave me great advice on here and commented their support. I didn’t expect this post to take off like it did but I’m happy my story has effected so many. I will update again in a few weeks. # Second Update (added to post on Sep 8, 2022) Damn! This post took off again these past 2 days. My phone has been blowing up with demands for an update so I shall deliver. Life has been good! I’ve been in contact with the cousin who helped me and also a few other family members from back home. He said that my mother came to their house the day after I left to talk to my aunt about me leaving. She cried and gave my aunt this whole sob story about how she can’t believe I would “abandon” them, and my aunt told her maybe she shouldn’t have treated me so wrongly throughout my whole life which caused a huge fight and ended with my mom being thrown out of their house. So it seems me leaving has caused pretty much the uproar I imagined. I’ve been doing well, met plenty of new people and made friends via classes and dorm neighbors. I’m in a better mental state than I’ve been in a very long time. I feel so relieved and it just feels like a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. It feels so good coming on here and reading all the support and positive comments I’m receiving. I’m really grateful for this community! I will continue posting updates in weeks to come. Thanks for everything everyone! # New Update (added to post on Jan 26, 2023) As promised, I am here for another update. I waited a long time in between updates to really let my life unfold so I could fill you guys in on a lot. Things have been great! I went back in to my hometown for thanksgiving and Christmas to spend time with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. Literal blocks away from my parents house but they are not welcome at those events anymore so I wasn’t worried. They still don’t know where I am or what I’m up to and have apparently given up on trying, which I’m perfectly happy about. College has been great, made lots of new friends and have been keeping the grades up (3.9 GPA!!!). I love my new life, honestly. I never went to therapy or anything, despite numerous suggestions from some of you, but I feel like I’ve done well enough without it. I’ve learned in these months how resilient I really am. I got two jobs on the side at different restaurants in the town around campus, mostly dishwashing and working on salads. Simple stuff, but I’m making enough side cash to provide for myself. Since I got a free ride to JMU, I don’t have to worry about a college savings account or anything, so that’s a huge plus. Thanks for all the continued support and comments over the last few months while Ive been silent. I hope you guys enjoy the update. I’ll be back someday! Much love &#x200B; *Still not OP! There was a lot of speculation in the comments as to why his parents were treating him so differently, the main theories being:* 1. *He was unplanned and the reason they had to get married;* 2. *His mother got knocked up by someone else, and the father stepped in and married her.* 3. *His parents were already together and he was an affair baby.* 4. ***Edit:*** *Several commenters here offered the theory that OOP is gay, and one said that some comments on OOP's original profile seemed to indicate that (though he must have deleted them since, because none of his three remaining comments give a hint).* *That's actually a pretty good theory, since it would explain OOP's father's weird hang-up about "making a man of him" through "manly sports".* *Unfortunately, OOP didn't really reply to any comments, so we'll probably never know if any of those options are a possibility. He also didn't specify if he remembered to lock down his credit - since his parents still have his original birth certificate, they could probably take out loans or credit cards in his name, so I hope he remembered to do that.* *At least, he appears to be happy and thriving, and has all his extended family behind him, which is great. We wish him all the best in his future endeavours, and hope he'll keep updating us if anything exciting happens with his family. And maybe, one day, he will even learn about paragraphs. ;)*

Corfiz74

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11jygo2/im_planning_on_abandoning_my_family_as_soon_as_i/

11jygo2

Roommate exposed us to toxic gas

CONCLUDED

I am not The OOP, OOP is [Impressive-Low-9767](https://www.reddit.com/u/Impressive-Low-9767?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) Roommate exposed us to toxic Radon gas Originally posted to r/legaladvice [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/x2l9ap/wyoming_roommate_exposed_us_to_toxic_radon_gas/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)   Aug 31, 2022 I (26F) live in a 2 bedroom apartment with my (19M) roommate. My roommate has a collection of clocks and old electronics he keeps in a case in his bedroom. I received my radon detector from a friend three days ago. He had high radon levels (5 pCi/l) in his house, but got it mitigated and now it's down below 1 pCi/l, and wanted to give it to me as he didn't need it anymore. I turn it on, and after the warm up period, see that it's reading 224 pCi/l (not 2.24) in the main room. I move it to my bedroom (close to his) and it's maxing out at over 500 pCi/l in my bedroom. My apartment lobby reads at around 3.5 pCi/l. I did some research and the radium clocks do emit radon, but not nearly enough to cause that big of a spike in radon levels. I question him when he gets back from work, and he panics a bit, and tells me that he has around 13.5 millicuries of radium. He shows me the cabinet, and there's a vial of radium paint, a lot of shavings in glass jars, lots and lots of clocks and gauges, what he calls "Soviet radium scales", old US Army radium disks, and other items with radium. It's obvious how the apartment was contaminated, and I worry the radon is leeching into the rest of the apartments. He's been here and had his collection for over a year. Levels this high are basically unheard of and can cause cancer with ease, so I'm worried I might lose my life over this. Obviously this isn't my landlords fault, it's the roommate, so what do I even do here? Does something like this break the lease and get my roommate and all his radium kicked out? Can I sue him if I get lung cancer out of this? What is my next step? _RELEVANT COMMENTS_ Hazel-Rah >He said millicuries, and not microcuries? Are you sure? If it was millicuries, you need to stay far away from that cabinet if it's not lined with lead. Including whatever is the opposite side of the wall >At that point you're looking at a significant source of gamma radiation on top of the Radon hazard. Does he have a Geiger counter? >You need to report this stuff now. That's an absurd amount of Radium to have lying around. OOP replied >From my research, he'd be over 13.5 microcuries after his first 14 clocks, since it looks like each one of those is 1 microcurie. So I'd assume it's millicuries. Most of the items are in lead containers, he took them out to show me which is how I know about the full collection. the clocks and gauges aren't though. He does have a Geiger counter and told me the dose rate a foot from the cabinet is barely above background. Clearly the lead and plastic bags aren't blocking out the radon though. Sirwired >Well, you can call the Wyoming Dept. of Environmental Quality and or the Federal EPA and ask what to do. Be prepared to move out immediately, as it's not far-fetched for your apartment to be declared a hazardous waste site. (You are not going to be held to your lease if this happens.) >Do_ not _suggest to your roommate that he throw this stuff out in the trash; you can't even throw out old smoke detectors, so the likelihood that he can safely throw this stuff out is zero. He certainly cannot do so legally. OOP replied >If the apartment is destroyed by the radiation, will I be in trouble, or will he have to pay for all the damages? FlipDaly >You are probably going to want to contact the Radiological Assessment Program which is part of the Nuclear Emergency Support Team. >"The Radiological Assistance Program (RAP) is the Nation’s premier first responder organization for assessing radiological incidents. RAP advises federal, state, local, and tribal public safety officials, first responders, and law enforcement personnel on steps to protect public health and safety or the environment during incidents involving radioactive materials." [update post (removed)](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/10gm805/update_roommate_exposed_me_to_radon_gas/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) [Update recovered via wayback machine ](https://web.archive.org/web/20230120033422/https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/10gm805/update_roommate_exposed_me_to_radon_gas/) Jan 20,2023 [UPDATE] Roommate exposed me to radon gas I forgot about this throwaway account. I figured I should update this post. The day after I made this post, I slept in my car. The next day, I went in wearing an N95 mask (I can't get vaccinated for medical reasons so I carry them around) to get my stuff and leave. 19M was gone; his radiation detector on the kitchen table. IDK where he was but I didn't care. Using his radiation detector, I was able to figure out the actual dose rate in my bedroom. 70 microsieverts an hour on my bed. 350 times over the natural background. Using some of the resources I was PM'd, I calculated around 1.1 sievert per year, adding up the excess radiation and the radon. Considering the background is somewhere around 0.005 sieverts per year, that's pretty damn bad. I then entered 19M's room, to document exactly what he had in case my landlord wanted to blame me. The radiation detector began alarming; I took pictures of the cabinet. When I placed the detector inside it, it went into overload so I couldn't see the dose rate. For legal reasons I will not be sharing the photos of the cabnet. Finally, I tested my belongings for radiation. While there was a slightly detectable level from what I learned radon daughters decay completely after 40 days, and I never got a reading over 0.5 microsieverts per hour. I texted my landlord that I was leaving and terminating my lease due to the radiation hazard, attached the pictures I took, grabbed everything I could including 19M's radiation detector (I shouldn't have done this from a legal standpoint but I wanted to be safe), and left for my mom's place. I made it there safely and immediately showered. I don't know what happened to 19M and I don't care. If I was exposed to one sievert of radiation which seems correct, I have a 5.5% chance of dying from this. I have a damn good chance of making it out alive and that's what matters. To the morons in my PM's demanding naked photos of me, messaging me with memes or insults, or telling me to drink essential oils, piss off. IDK why this happened so much but it made it really hard to find the actual helpful resources. I'm as safe as I can get. This will be my only update. I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11k3wtj/roommate_exposed_us_to_toxic_gas/

11k3wtj

OOP asked if he is the AH for having boundaries with his stepson.

CONCLUDED

*I am not OOP. OOP is* u/nervousaccomplice74 *and he posted on r/AmItheAsshole.* Mood spoiler: >!happy ending!<. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r14m99/aita_for_setting_boundaries_with_my_stepson/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) november 24th 2021 Forgive me for any mistakes, I’m a long time lurker who made an account specifically to ask about this issue. I (47m) have a stepson (16m) who for the purposes of this post, we’ll call “T”. I’ve been married to my wife (48F) for two years and have two daughters (7F & 9F) with my ex. Since the day T moved into my house he has been nothing but disrespectful. I understand that change, especially change this drastic (moving, getting new siblings/ a new parent) is hard for a kid but some of the stuff he does just crosses a line. For example, I transferred him to a really great private high school when he moved in because I wanted him to have the best opportunities. He always complains that he doesn’t like his new classmates, that the school is too far away (it’s 15 minutes further than his old school, which is practically nothing) and that he doesn’t like the environment. He doesn’t understand that later he will thank me for this, I would have killed for an opportunity like this at his age! Additionally, he always breaks rules we have set in place. I have asked him to surrender his phone to the living room at 9pm to have some family time but he says he wants to talk to his old friends. He constantly claims not to like the food his mother or I make even when he hasn’t tried it. His mother and I try to have a date night once or twice a week and he always claims he is too busy to watch his step sisters. We have asked him repeatedly for the passwords to his social media accounts and he refuses to hand them over… etc. I’m sick of the disrespect in my own house, so I set some boundaries. Either he starts treating me with respect and listening to me, or he can find somewhere else to live. Obviously I wouldn’t really kick him out, but I’m hoping this scares some sense into him. My wife, however, said I took it too far and need to apologize and tell him I wasn’t serious. I feel like this will undermine my authority though. AITA? Edit: I just want to clarify a few things because they seem to be causing confusion in the comments. He did not change schools when he was sixteen. We had him change when he was 14, when he moved in to my house, so about halfway through his first year of high school. Also, he did know about the change, we talked to him about it beforehand. He wasn’t excited but he did know that he would be changing schools. First Update(on the same post) Thank you for everyone who has taken the time to comment, and thank you further to the people who have offered helpful advice. I didn’t come here to be vindicated, I came to find out if I was doing everything I could for my stepson and clearly I am not. I am going to try to fix what I have done wrong, i’ll offer him the option to switch back schools (although I understand that it might be too late) and I will drastically ease up on the restrictions that we have been set in place. Furthermore, I am going to sit down and apologize, I want him to know he is cared for and that I was wrong. [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/r14m99/aita_for_setting_boundaries_with_my_stepson/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) February 28th 2023 A little bit more than a year ago, I asked for advice on how to deal with my stepson. I was ripped to shreds in the comments, and deservedly so. For those who haven’t read the post: I didn’t feel like my stepson was respecting my authority after I imposed overly strict rules upon him. I’ve had a few people ask for an update, but first, I wanted to clear up one thing. Many people assumed that I took an under privileged kid and put him in a school full of rich kids. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Before we married, he and his mother were very well off. We both have really well paying jobs, the only reason he was in a public school was because the schools in our area are really great. The only reason he was switched to the private school is because it is a STEM school and I thought that would be beneficial to him. Now on to the update. After reading the comments telling me how horrible of a stepfather I was, I felt sick. This may seem unbelievable but I was genuinely trying to do right by him and I was beside myself realizing that I did more harm than good. My stepson never knew his father, and I jumped at the chance to have that special father/son bond with him. I eased up on many of the restrictions I placed, he no longer has to surrender his phone and while we still do have family time, it’s about once a week instead of every night. He no longer has a bedtime and while his mom follows him on his socials (I do not) I no longer demand this passwords to anything. The only time I have asked him to babysit is in the case of an emergency but surprisingly, now that I’ve stopped, he’s been offering to babysit every once in a while. As for the school issue, he is still at the school we switched him too. We had many long talks about this very issue and he ultimately decided to finish out his high school career at the school because, while he missed his friends, he was able to recognize that this new school offered him the best opportunity to get into the college he really wants to attend. Since all of this, the relationship between my stepson and myself has drastically improved. For his 17th birthday we offered to get him a car and he and I had a really nice time picking out the right one. I’ve taken him to a few basketball games which he loves (and I’ve enjoyed learning about the sport from him). He actually got a girlfriend and came to me for advice about dating which is not something that would have happened before. I will say this, I am blessed with an incredibly smart, kind and compassionate stepson; Other kids may not have been so forgiving, and rightfully so. I urge other stepparents out there to really listen to their stepchildren instead of automatically trying to take over, you may not be as lucky as I was.

AfterHeat4755

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11koz5b/oop_asked_if_he_is_the_ah_for_having_boundaries/

11koz5b

AITA for not giving my sister her wedding dress bc she didn't invite my underage son?

NEW UPDATE

Originally posted by u/throwaway5291926 in r/AmItheAsshole on Feb 27, '23, updated Feb 28. OOP posted a new update on March 7th. I have it marked with the 🔴🔴🔴's [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11e01qq/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_her_wedding_dress/) AITA for not giving my sister her wedding dress because she didn't invited my underage son? I (40m) have a sister (30f) who is getting married in a week. The groom proposed to her a year ago at a family dinner that left everyone speechless, but very happy for them as they are longtime companions. During this dinner, my sister asked my son (17m) to make her wedding dress. My son has always loved design and fashion, he took technical courses in these areas and sewing, and even his friends keep asking for his clothes because they are so beautiful. He agreed, but said that he needed time and that he would need her opinion constantly. At first my sister was very annoying. My son drew about 50 dress designs in a month and she only liked one, which he continued with. He sewed it with great quality fabric which I paid for as I wanted to get involved in a certain way. For five months he made several adjustments to suit her wishes, as she always complained about something. After a while, he arrived at the final model and it was just amazing. My mother cried seeing my sister in the dress and I confess that I almost got emotional too. The problem was that last week my son came to talk to me about the wedding invitation that had not arrived for him, but for other family members. I thought maybe he didn't need one, but it still felt weird. I messaged my sister raising this issue and she replied that she didn't want any underage people at her wedding because there would be alcohol. I asked if she was going to make an exception for my son, but she cut me off and said no. There are no children in our family, my son is the only minor, so I didn't see any sense in this rule for family members. And to make matters worse, my son was very sad and cried because he spent months on this dress and couldn't go to the wedding. I was very upset and told my sister that she should look for another dress as soon as possible, as she would no longer wear the one my son made. She called and yelled at me, saying I was being unreasonable and that I couldn't do this. My mother called me saying I should deliver the dress and follow the rules, but I didn't and hung up on her. Because of this, the family is divided. Many agree with me and condemn my sister's action saying she could only make an exception, but another part says I'm unreasonable and I'm spoiling her big day. I don't think I'm being wrong but just rational and paying her back in kind. So AITA? *Judgment: Not the Asshole* [Update the next day](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowAway5291926/comments/11elleq/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_her_wedding_dress/) First I would like to thank all the comments and suggestions, I really didn't expect my post to resonate so much. I talked to my son about the suggestions you guys gave me and he agreed to sell the dress at market price. He calculated the price of everything and the value was quite high. We sent the proposal to my sister and she hated it. She said she couldn't afford it because it was too expensive and it should be a gift because "she is family". I responded by saying that it was too easy to say she was family to get a free dress, but not enough to include my son. She cried on the call and begged me not to ruin her day, but I didn't call because that to me was bullshit. At no point did she offer to just let my son go or apologize for it. And for anyone who said that maybe she's homophobic, I'm not sure, but I think who could be influencing her is her fiancé who is a Christian and has never been close to my son. However, I don't care if he's doing it or not. If she wants to exclude my son from this event then she will also be cutting ties with me. And for those who are asking for a photo of the dress, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but my son didn't agree and unfortunately I won't post it because of that. If anything else happens I'll let you know, until then, thank you all! *In the comments*: >If you don’t mind how much was the value of the dress? OP: Something around 22k-25k 🔴🔴🔴 **New Update March 7th** Sorry for the delay, but it's been a busy week. Many family members skipped my sister's wedding and decided to have a party at a cousin's house instead of attending the wedding. My sister is obviously very upset and has cut us all off her social media. She got another dress to get married, but everyone thought it was cheap compared to what she was going to wear. And I would also like to inform you that someone already bought the dress that my son made, it was for a good price and that will help him cover his college costs. There's not much to say, but I'd just like to make this final point to let you guys know. *Editor's note: I'm seeing a ton of comments asking if $22k is really how much this would cost. One of Kim Kardashians wedding dresses cost $500,000. I personally believe 22k is a lot for an unknown designer but I am no expert. Also, remember dad did not say his son got that much for the sale, just that it was a good amount.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11l4hzh/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_her_wedding_dress/

11l4hzh

AITA for telling my family why I didn't invite them to my wedding?

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Originally posted by u/expensive_highwayta in r/AmItheAsshole on Feb 27, '23, updated Feb 28th. AITA for telling my family why I didn't invite them to my wedding? [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11dbwzg/aita_for_telling_my_family_why_i_didnt_invite/) I (F25) have been married to my wife (NB30) for a little over a year. We've been together for 5 years, got engaged in 2021 and married in 2022 (January winter wedding, was gorgeous and small with only close friends, my maternal grandparents and my wife's mom) I am the first grandchild/cousin to get married on both sides of the family. I'm very feminine and my wife is more masculine, but both of us are very much queer and in love. My wife is very open about being intersex. Her voice is deeper and she has surplus testosterone, but she identifies with she/they pronouns and rejects male identification on any grounds. She has told me that even if they were cis, they would still dress and alter their appearance to be more masc. After my extended family met my wife for the first time they extensively called them "he." (we understand people make mistakes but this was deliberate) It hurt my wife deeply, so I stopped bringing her around and only interacted with my family when necessary. My maternal grandparents were the exception and love her very much, my grandpa and them have the same sense of humour and I love watching them interact. The rejection of my wife's identity is what caused me not to invite any other family members to my wedding. Last month my wife posted pictures of our wedding to Instagram and posted about how our anniversary is special, telling me how much she loves me and is looking forward to many more anniversaries in the future. My younger sister, who I didn't know followed me, saw them and showed my parents and extended family, who subsequently blew up my phone for weeks about not inviting them to my milestone and how my "husband" must have brainwashed me. I told them that this attitude was why I didn't invite them because their presence made my partner uncomfortable. I thought it was cut and dry and over with. But my wife removed the post anyway due to some nasty comments. So I wrote this email and mass-sent it to all of my relatives: To all of whom did not attend my wedding, Your refusal to accept my wife as she is, was what prevented you all from receiving an invitation. (grandma) and (grandpa) attended because they were able to recognize my wife for who she is and love her for her. If you did not receive an invitation, it was because you have either: a.) insulted my wife by calling her pronouns she does not identify with on purpose, b.) calling my wife my "friend" instead of my girlfriend or partner when we were dating. or c.) have expressed homophobic views in the past. Please do not call her names or drag us online when it is your behaviour that got you in this mess. Sincerely, OP My entire family is calling me an asshole. My wife is saying she could have toughed it out for one day, and my entire family is angry that I didn't invite them. I just feel horrible about cutting them out of such an important milestone in the family and I feel like I did something wrong. AITA? *OOP clarifies about her wife's sex and gender identity:* Intersex is a sex. My partner is intersex. She has a female-sexed body but higher levels of testosterone. She is intersex, they identify as nonbinary. *Judgment: Not the Asshole* [Update 1 day later](https://www.reddit.com/user/Expensive_HighwayTA/comments/11emieb/aita_for_telling_my_family_why_i_didnt_invite/) Thank you so much for all your love and support over the past day. Both my wife and I were struggling with the hate, and we were happy to see we were not in the wrong for excluding my family from our happy day. A little update I would like to share is that I will be going full No Contact with my family (minus grandma and grandpa) as their disrespect of me and my partner is unacceptable, which means that they won't be seeing their grandchildren/niblings/extended family. My wife and I have undergone sperm donation for the past 6 months as we really want to be a family. (I would be carrying) and we found out today that I'm 11 weeks pregnant! (irregular periods are a bitch) The donor is a friend of ours who will be known and involved in our child's life. (He was a witness at our wedding) Here's hoping to many more years together and a lot more peace and relaxation, until the baby comes that is. Thank you once again for helping us see that our comfort and love as a couple is more important than the judgement of others. All the love to you all! **Reminders: This sub does not tolerate homophobia, transphobia, racism or bigotry. DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11lj2rb/aita_for_telling_my_family_why_i_didnt_invite/

11lj2rb

AITA for not changing our wedding rule for my Future Sister In Law?

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**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/WideOpportunity5989](https://www.reddit.com/user/WideOpportunity5989/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Please remember the no brigading rule. Fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/tinglingoxbow requested the hummingbird moth. Hummingbird moths look very similar to their avian counterparts, and are only a 1-2 inches smaller. They are able to hover while collecting nectar because their tails open as a fan. Unlike hummingbirds, they are not drawn to the color red. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Bio sister for the win. Light reading.!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10pep0l/aita_for_not_changing_our_wedding_rule_for_my/)**: January 30, 2023** My fiancé (36M) and I (34F) are getting married in 3 weeks and for the most part, planning has been simple and easy. We're having a small-ish wedding in a local hotel with 50 guests. Everything is being held on site. The ceremony, the dinner and the reception are all taking place in the one hotel. My fiancé and I decided early on that we wanted the reception to be child free. Children are welcome at the ceremony and the early dinner we're having but not for the party afterwards. I, myself, have a 10 year old son who will be there for the ceremony and meal but not the reception. The issue is with my fiancé's sister, Lisa (38F). She has a daughter, Chloe (11F) and has started insisting that Chloe be at the reception. Lisa is the only girl in a family of five children and due to this, she has rarely been told no, even into adulthood. My fiancé and I have been firm on the stance that no children would be allowed in the reception and she is fully aware of the onsite childcare (we have booked a separate room in the hotel especially for this purpose) however she is adamant that Chloe stay with her. If it was just me and my fiancé, it wouldn’t be too much of a big deal. We can handle her. However, she has begun hounding my future mother-in-law whom I get on with really well and has even begun messaging *my* mother on facebook to try and get them to convince the two of us to let Chloe be at the reception. This is not okay with me or with my fiancé. Neither one of our mothers are in the best of health and they don’t need the stress. She either doesn’t realise or doesn’t care that if we allow her daughter to attend the reception, we have to allow *all* the children to attend and we wanted to allow the parents to have a fun time in the evening. Even my son isn’t going to be at the reception. We don’t see them often however last Sunday, we were all at my future in laws for lunch and so the kids could see each other and she decided to bring it up. She decided it would be a good idea to try and corner me in the kitchen, to try and change my mind. Once again, I reiterated that there would be no children at the reception and well, this didn’t go down well. I swear, she was close to throwing a grown-up tantrum. I’ve never seen anything like it before. I just told her that the little ones in the other room were better behaved than she was and to grow the hell up and walked around her back to the others. Her tantrum didn’t stop. After this scene, my future mother-in-law asked if we would be willing to bend the rules we have for the reception for Lisa but the two of us were still firm on the “no”. Usually, I would just stick it out and not care and if she hadn’t started getting other family members involved but now that she has, its beginning to stress me out. I don’t think that we’re being unreasonable with our request for no children at the reception, but I don’t know if I can handle this for another three weeks. AITA for sticking to our child free reception rule? ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about why she wants it child free but has child care:* "I was also a single mum who had to miss a couple of weddings because of no child rules and not being able to find or afford childcare (my fiancé isn't my son's dad). It sucks but its understandable. That's why we arranged for onsite childcare. So parents and family who don't get to see each other often can catch up without having to keep one eye on a child all the time. I won't be giving in. Same rules for all children." "We made the decision for on site childcare because a lot of our guests, including family coming from all over the country, have young children and we want them to share our day. Its what made the most sense to us and it fit within our budget. All of the children will be causing chaos together and not at our reception." *She's definitely going to cause issues over the next few weeks:* "I am completely expecting the incidents to ramp up over the next couple of weeks. Thankfully I have my older sister coming in to help with last minute prep. She's a 4 ft 11 primary school teacher with 3 kids of her own so she's perfectly capable of putting her in her place." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11fdudj/update_aita_for_not_changing_our_wedding_rule_for/)**: March 1, 2023 (A month later)** Firstly, I want to thank everyone for their insights and advice and I've had a couple of requests for an update, so here it is. We got married last Saturday and everything went perfectly. Everyone and everything was where it was supposed to be, when it was supposed to be and if there were any issues, I didn't hear about it. My older sister arrived a week and a half before the wedding and she's like a miniature tornado when she gets going. She firmly told me not to worry about Lisa and that she would deal with her. I had no doubt about that. Lisa brought up Chloe coming to the reception once again the day after I posted and my husband (I love seeing that :) ) and I told her that if she tried to bring Chloe in, the both of them would be removed. We didn't hear anything more from Lisa following that instance. A few people wondered what Chloe thought about it and she told us that she thinks adults are boring and she'd rather spend time with her cousins and other kids. So there's that. When my older brothers turned up a few days before the wedding, all of them were laughing about how my sister was doing her "guard dog" routine with Lisa and wasn't letting her anywhere near either of us or our mothers. My sister is tiny, 4'11" and petite but a powerhouse behind it. It turned out that my sister was the one keeping her at bay and you can bet, she got a very large bottle of wine in thanks. For my husband and I, the day was as close to perfect as it could get. We only found out two days later that Lisa had tried to sneak Chloe into the reception and had been intercepted by all of my siblings (I have 6) well before reaching the hall and had been told that she could either send Chloe upstairs with the other kids or they could both leaving the event completely. Knowing it would make her look bad and she'd never hear the end of it from her family, Lisa sent Chloe upstairs and has been sulking since. There have been a few passive aggressive facebook posts which no one seems to care about but that's about it. So, no epic temper tantrum, no forceful removals of irate sisters, just some words from my terrifying sister and that was that. Everyone had a good time and when we went to check on them later, all the kids were passed out in positions that gave me aches and pains just from looking at them, so we know they had fun. I want to thank everyone again for their insight. It was very helpful and set me at ease that we wasn't in the wrong for sticking with our rule.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11lmkus/aita_for_not_changing_our_wedding_rule_for_my/

11lmkus

AITA for divorcing my husband over what my MIL said?

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Content Warming: >!Racism!< This was originally posted in r/twohottakes by op u/Miserable-Cover-7460 on **Dec 11th 2022** https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/zilnjb/aita_for_divorcing_my_husband_over_what_my_mil/ I (26 black female) husband (27 white male) have been together for 5 years. My husband comes from a family that lives comfortably. Whereas I had to grind for everything I have. When we got married his family made me sign a prenup which is fine I totally understand sometimes you have to protect yourself.I had made him sign a prenup as well. I would say maybe 6 months after getting married he landed a job in IT. In our area people who work in IT make 130k+ a year. And I was just starting out in my career as a realtor so I was making 84k a year(we keep our financial separate).My husband was laid off whereas I was doing virtual meetings and building up clients when I could start my own business. So when we could start meeting in person again I was selling and fixing houses left and right. So in terms I surpass what my husband makes yearly by a lot. So I told my husband how much I was making and he said “we are rich now”and “I don’t have to work anymore”. I looked at him like he had two heads. I said “there is no we only me…I am rich now and I don’t know about the you not working part your still going to work…right?” He said “well I don’t have to and some of the money can go towards my mother sense she’s been wanting to redo her house.” I looked at him confused and said “are you asking or telling me? Where is the money you made from being in IT?” He said with a straight face. “ I am telling you and my money is mine don’t worry what I do with it. Plus I knew how much you made that’s why I haven’t been looking for a job and told my mom that she can start demolishing.” I told him that I am not doing a damn thing and if he wants to help his mother he can do it himself and I left the conversation. I found his behavior kind of odd because he never talks to me that way nor has he ever been demanding like that. The next day I get home from my office but I didn’t tell my husband when I got off. I walk into our home. I hear my MIL And my husband talking. My MIL said “I don’t know why I let you marry that n-word with the hard er they are selfish.” My husband said that some are selfish but not all. I walked towards my husband and said I wanted a divorce I went upstairs packed most of my clothes and left luckily I bought me another property that I could stay at that my husband didn’t know about. He called me later saying that what I heard had an explanation to it and I hung up on him. Now I get calls from his side of the family saying that MIL can justify why she said that and I’m being sensitive and asking for a divorce over what his mother said is wrong.So AITA? Sorry for the long post thank you for taking your time to read this <3 EDIT: I’ll be sure to update you guys later on in the week or after I meet with lawyers. But for now I’ll eat ice cream,cry and watch my favorite anime Edit 2: Hello ladies and gentlemen and my nonbinary people. Thank you everyone for you advice. And prayers as well as blessings. I got emotional after reading the kind words you guys left for me. I appreciate it💕.I got a call this morning from my husband father saying that he is very apologetic about what his ex-wife had said and will get me in contact with a lawyer today and he will pay for all the cost for a lawyer. And that he will help me through this whole ordeal. I will update you guys after the meeting. UPDATE: GUYS I have an update I will make a separate post about it because it’s going to be a rant so please have your popcorn and tea. The reason why I’m not updating now is because I’m moving all of my things out. And planning to go on a vacation with my side of the family with my newfound “richness”.So bare with me you guys. Thank you so much for your patience and blessings. But seriously get your popcorn and tea, juice what whatever you do in your spare time.💕 You guys aren’t going to believe this UPDATE https://old.reddit.com/user/Miserable-Cover-7460/comments/znxa8j/aita_for_divorcing_my_husband_over_what_my_mil/ Posted on **December 16th 2022** I want to say thank you guys first and foremost for all the support that was given through out this week. But please get your snacks and wine or whatever because I am very petty and I’m probably TA for the things I did. But do I care no because sometimes revenge is very sweet. So on Monday I met with the lawyer and first and foremost I wanted to make sure my source of income was secure. And secondly I was to make sure ( at the time) that if I were to go through with the divorce I was 100% protected. And I am but me still trying to be a wife and still having love for him even though he didn’t do his job as a husband I still wanted to work it out. Say it with me guys. (Your dumb). But anyways I meet with husband and his mother and it goes smoothly at first but it was still tension. So my husband says he is sorry and he apologized like 1000 times so I’m like okay. So his mother says I am sorry as well and I nodded. Then she goes on to ask can you still help me with the house and bills. I still told her no. She looked so confused and said but I apologized. I said just because you apologized doesn’t mean I’m ready to accept it and you’re not going to bully me into thinking other wise. She got so angry her face turned red. And she said and i quote “ you self-centered b****, your kind is always self centered and I’m glad my son cheated on you. We are going to get the money from spousal support. I don’t know if you guys saw that fox show empire when Cookie Lyon was going to hop over that table. I almost did you guys because even tho she my grandmothers age it would be like slapping my grandmother. And therapy works for some.So instead I laughed. I looked at my ex husband he couldn’t even look me in the eyes. So I knew it was true. After I finished laughing I said to my dear husband that the divorce papers will be delivered to you by tonight. And you aren’t getting shit from me because that prenup that you signed 5 years ago…”yeah you are fucked”. Meaning he ain’t getting shit. After that I paid for my food and left. Since then I moved out of his house. And that house his mom wanted to redo or renovate…she got evicted because she wasn’t paying her bills she was waiting for a handout. So I am buying that house. Ex husband is staying with his brother so is his mother. So for all of this I deserve a vacation. So as for revenge on my husband because of course divorce isn’t enough for me. I wanted to make him regret everything by living his dream. Which is moving to Malibu living the “rich life” but not only am I moving there I also bought the house he has been looking at for years. And “my kind” will be staying there for Christmas. But other than that I am doing great it’s like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Thank you for reading and all the blessings that been sent my way I do appreciate it and all the support 🤍 --------------------------------- I AM NOT THE OP I AM NOWHERE NEAR AS COOL AS OP Marked as concluded as Op has said they have no plans to update but their account is still active.

bubbleuj

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11lnf19/aita_for_divorcing_my_husband_over_what_my_mil/

11lnf19

OOP's Q-anon parent is about to die

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[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/100z2d3/qanon_parent_about_to_die/) posted in r/QAnonCasualties by u/Other-Swordfish9309 on 02 Jan 2023 **QAnon parent about to die** So conflicted right now. I have been no contact for ten years because of my mother’s crazy conspiracy/religious beliefs. I have now discovered she has late stage breast cancer. She won’t get treatment and has been taking Ivermectim (which is used to drench cattle) to “cure” her as she doesn’t believe in western medicine. I don’t want to be dragged back into her chaos again, but it seems very cruel to not reach out/visit to offer support. I am angry that her wacky beliefs are once again making a very hard situation even harder ☹️. What would you do? ======================================== [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/QAnonCasualties/comments/10guky0/update_broke_years_long_estrangement_today_with_q/) posted in r/QAnonCasualties by u/Other-Swordfish9309 on 20 Jan 2023 **Update - broke years long estrangement today with Q parent** Hi everyone, Just wanted to give an update as everyone in this thread was so supportive when I posted recently about going to see my QAnon parent who is dying of cancer. I did it! Today. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. From the minute I arrived she started on with mutterings about the crazy conspiracies and I kept just shutting them down. The saddest part was at lunch when she asked me to put my bag on the floor as we were being recorded on my phone 😞. It was shocking to see how badly she has deteriorated. She started about the “fake” virus, the vaccines killing everyone (including Lisa-Marie Presley) and on and on it went. She even mentioned that Prince Charles is the anti-Christ 🙄. Not sure if that’s QAnon, or just another crazy conspiracy. But my visit gave her comfort and it’s made me feel better, even though it was brutal, as it justified to me why I’ve protected my kids from it. For her sake, and her troubled mind, I hope her suffering ends soon. Thanks again for all your support. **I AM NOT THE OP**

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11lvabe/oops_qanon_parent_is_about_to_die/

11lvabe

OP asks if he is the AH for wanting to help his 'golden child' sister at the expense of his other sister.

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***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!*** &#x200B; **Trigger warning:** >!Golden child/scapegoat dynamic, abusive and narcissistic parents, mentions of bullying.!< &#x200B; [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzupq6/aita_choosing_the_golden_child_over_my_other/) **on** r/AmItheAsshole **(April 9th 2022)** **AITA 'choosing the golden child' over my other sister** I (26) am the older brother of two sisters, Maya (19) and Tia (21). Our parents are complete assholes, and Maya was their golden child. And honestly, a complete and utter spoilt b. I get thats harsh to say about a kid, but she was. She got special treatment, and would get away with murder. Our parents basically encouraged it despite basically leaving me to raise my sisters so they could 'enjoy \[them\]selves'. When I was 18 (Tia was 13 and Maya was 11), I moved out. I stayed in contact Tia, though I quickly gave up on trying to connect with Maya honestly. Our parents and Maya were absolutely horrible to Tia while I was gone. So when she was 18, Tia moved out and has stayed with me. I've made her get some therapy and done my best to be a good brother, and she's managed to be a lot happier since. Though after that I basically didn't see our parents or Maya. However, last November Maya randomly reached out to us. Tia just ignored it, but Maya is still my little sister so I gave her a chance. In the time without us she'd really missed us and realised just how spoilt and cruel she was acting. Apparently part of how she treated Tia was jealousy of how I was so close to her but not Maya, though it obviously doesn't justify it. She had felt guilty for a while, but was scared to reach out in case we'd reject her. She felt really sincere and was really apologetic and seemed ashamed. I forgave her, and we started talking a lot. I became close to Maya really quickly. We get along great now, and we're actually pretty similar! Unfortunately Tia refuses to forgive her, or even respond. I think she's being a little unfair, but I understand how she feels. From talking I noticed that Maya seems to be having a hard time at home. She wasn't going to say anything but ended up spilling when I pressed her. Our parents basically turned on her the moment we left, she wasn't the golden child anymore and had to suffer our parents bullshit. Honestly, I'm ashamed to admit but I never considered how our parents would treat her with us gone. With how horrible our parents are, I wanted to ask her to move in with me. Now, I want to make clear, I'm the renter. The rental agreement and bills and everything are all under my name. Tia contributes, but since she's still in university and my little sister its much less, and unofficial. But when I brought up the idea, Tia was furious. She rejected it. I tried to compromise and talk, but it went nowhere. So in the end I told Tia I'm offering, and that she can be civil or I can help her move somewhere else. Maya accepted (coming to stay next week) and Tia is PISSED and feels I'm choosing the golden child over her. But I'm not, Maya is suffering and I want to help, she's a different person now. I understand Tia hurts, and I get her anger, but Maya also needs me right now. Tia is still angry. And our friends think it was an asshole move. But Maya is my sister, and I don't think it's wrong to help her, I helped Tia back then too. EDIT: I went to sleep with posts stopping, and didn't expect to wake up to all this. There were so many so I wasn't sure how to respond to everyone so I just left it , read and thought about it a while. There are a few things I want to clear up first though. 1. Maya isn't lying about this. I know my parents, and Maya DIDN'T even want to tell me about her issues at home. There is basically no chance it's all a lie. And she has TRIED and TRIED to talk to and apologised to Tia, Tia just won't let her. I know what she did in the past was horrible, but she ISN'T just manipulating me to hurt Tia. She genuinely hated how she was, and just wants to live somewhere safe and happy and loved. 2. I get it wasn't enough. But the timeline was admittedly poorly written. We started discussing it last month, she knew this decision for a couple of weeks. While I now see it was misguided and cruel, it wasn't just a week. 3. I don't know of it's appropriate to go too in depth. But Maya's acts against Tia were verbal and psychological. It was disgusting and I know how deeply it hurt Tia. Our parents were mostly really neglectful, aside from verbal/emotional abuse and rewarding Maya for being the golden child. Being perfect and cruel meant she would get their love, which neither of us did. Thanks to everyone for their perspective. I didn't realise how naïve I was being in thinking this would work out. I'm going to try to see if some friends can take Maya in for now, and maybe if she can get her own place. I'm going to try to be there for both of them, and ask Tia to forgive me for being so short sighted and stupid. I hope they can eventually work things out, but like people are saying it might just be a stupid pipe dream. I think the best plan is to help get Maya a cheap flat or something nearby, and I'll help out where she needs it. &#x200B; **Notable comments:** >*YTA, but this is a really complicated situation, so let me explain my reasoning here.* > >*First and foremost, you did an amazing thing for Tia. Your parents are by far the biggest assholes in this story, and you're right for wanting to get Maya out of that environment too - kudos for helping your siblings escape abuse. But the thing is, Maya was part of that abuse for Tia. She helped make Tia's life hell. It's good that Maya's shown sincere remorse and apologized to you, but* ***your*** *experience with her abuse is* ***not the same as Tia's.*** *Tia was hurt much more deeply by Maya, and she'll need a lot of time to process this and come to a place of forgiveness.* > >*But instead of giving her that time to process, what did you do? You gave Tia an ultimatum: that you would be overriding her feelings, moving one of her primary abusers into her home with a week's notice, and that if she didn't accept this she would need to leave. I understand that Maya needs you, and that this is a tough situation no matter what. But you did this wrong: you trampled all over Tia, you made her feel like her safety and her feelings weren't important to you, and you're going to need to fix that.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzupq6/comment/i41ij8y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*YTA.* > >*Tia is right, you are putting one of her abusers above her.* > >*The thing to do would of been to help Maya find a place to stay. Instead of forcing your abused sister to give up her safety.* > >*Ask yourself this op. Do you think Maya ever would of reached out if your parents hadn't shifted their abuse to her?* > >*Also, Maya isn't owed forgiveness simply because she's sorry and remorseful.* > >*You owe tia an apology for even giving her that ultimatum. Your actions are no better than your parents towards her.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzupq6/comment/i41ncc1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*Even if she wouldn't have asked without the abusive, I don't think that's fair. She's genuinely changed, it's not just a case of not liking being a victim, but actually realising that she was acting wrong. She was 11 when I left, and only 15 when Tia did. She was wrong and horrible, but that's not who she is for life.* >> >>*I agree Tia doesn't have to forgive her. I think it would be healthier, and positive for both of them, but she doesn't have to. Maybe I was wrong, and I do want to make it up to Tia regardless. But actually caring about my sisters is the OPPOSITE of our parents.* >> >>>**Another redditor replies to OOP:** >>> >>>*Your parents are the biggest AHs here, and while your intentions sound kind, you have to understand that Tia suffered under your parents and Maya's cruelty almost her whole entire life. You have almost a decade out from under their thumb while Tia has only been in your sanctuary for 3 years; similarly, Maya has only been having revelations about her and their behavior for those short 3 years. She is learning some harsh lessons now, but she still had a mostly decent treatment growing up. That's not to say that given the time frame, it's fair Maya suffer a little bit long; what I'm saying is Maya's suffering is a new developement and has not shaped her mental state as negatively, the way Tia's has. At this point in time, it sounds like Tia, who was ALSO only a child when she left, finally has someone in her corner - and she it about to lose them to the person who spent many years tormenting her! Your decision to prioritize Maya's needs over Tia's will undo so much of the progress she has made of the last few years. Maya needs your help but there are many ways to help that don't involve prioritizing Maya over Tia. You already admitted that you do not know if Maya has tried to find a room anywhere else. Help Maya find somewhere else to stay or make peace with fact that this may lead to the end of your and Tia's relationship permanently.* &#x200B; >*YTA- sorry but TIA should get some say who lives with you two because you invited her ABUSER into your home. You might think she needs to forgive and get over it but guess what, its not that easy to do and you basically told Tia to deal with it and relive it more.* > >*You really come off as wanting to be the hero and help everyone. The best thing you could have done was told Maya to get therapy and move into her own place. 19 is an adult who can work and live in a shared apartment.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzupq6/comment/i41lc4y/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*I know it's hard for her. And I understand it's not easy. But Maya is still our sister. It's much more reasonable and possible for the 21 year old with a nearby job to stay with her friends or get a place of her own, than a 19 year old who will have to leave everything to come stay here.* >> >>*Maybe I am just being naive in wanting to help everyone though. But it's not about being a hero, I just want both my sister's to be happy. I didn't want to hurt Tia.* &#x200B; >*YTA. Having been in darn near this exact situation when I was younger, I don't think you are seeing the forest for the trees.* > >*Your desire to help, while admirable, plays into your parents' manipulations/abuse whether you realize it or not. You are helping Maya at the expense of Tia. This means that the golden child/scapegoat situation gets perpetuated. Again, that's not your intention but it's what is happening.* > >*If you want to do right by Maya & Tia, help Maya by finding her a place outside your apartment. Maya has more options than you recognize. It's horribly unfair to tell Tia she now has to live with her tormentor & the main vehicle of your parents' abuse of her or leave.* > >*Narcissists like your parents create these situations as a by-product of their systemic abuse so they fundamentally control the sibling dynamic in perpetuity. Until you understand the full dynamic in play, your "help" is going to be destructive. Maya once again gets her wants/needs met at the expense of Tia. Tia goes without & you are unknowingly facilitating this by "doing right"...* > >*YTA for not seeing how you are acting (unintentionally) as a tool of your parents' ongoing abuse. Basically your intentions are being used against your sisters' best interest.* > >*EDIT: YTA at beginning & referral to* [*r/raisedbynarcissists*](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/) *to get better advice on how to handle this situation.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzupq6/comment/i41o922/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*YTA* > >***Congratulations You Are Your Parents*** > >*You left home and Tia spent years being abused by your parents* ***and*** *Maya while Maya was the golden child. Tia spent 5 years being abused by all 3 of them while Maya loved it. You offered Tia a safe place, a home with the only family member that ever cared about her and loved her in her life, you. All of Tia’s life you were the only family member that cared if she was alive or dead other than to torment her. You were the only family she had and the only safe place she’s ever known in her life! In the 21 years she’s been alive you were the only one she could trust not to hurt her.* > >***You destroyed all of that for Maya, the golden child*** > >*Maya says your parents are now horrible to her. Maya is now nice and good to you. Maya’s needs have to come first. Maya has to be taken care of. If Tia doesn’t like it she can just leave. Who cares if it kills her, Maya needs you. So Maya, the golden child, has needs that aren’t being met so Tia has to go. Tia is totally expendable because Maya has to be taken care of.* > >*Tia has 1 week to accept that there is not 1 member of her own family that will ever truly put her needs first. That her abusers will always be more important than her.* ***That the reality is she has no family.*** *Tia has 1 week to accept that she has no family and that she is worth nothing.* > >*God help Tia, there is no therapist in the world that is that good.* > >***Edit per your edit*** > >*Thank you so much for listening. Having Maya stay somewhere else is workable and might just be the key to the 3 of you hopefully healing from all this. Showing Tia she won’t be thrown away again will help immensely. Give it a little time. Maybe 6 months or a year of Maya living away from your parents and Tia seeing she’s not the same girl. Then maybe suggest family therapy for the 3 of you. Tia may say no and that’s ok but I think with the new plan all 3 of you can come out of this.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzupq6/comment/i42cnxh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; ***Judgement: YTA.*** &#x200B; [**Update post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11g03tn/update_aita_choosing_the_golden_child_over_my/) **on** r/AmItheAsshole (March 2nd 2023) **UPDATE: AITA choosing the 'golden child' over my other sister** Edit: commenter pointed out I didn't link the original [here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tzupq6/aita_choosing_the_golden_child_over_my_other/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I posted last year, trying to help my 'golden child' sister Maya, at the expense of my other sister Tia. I didn't expect so many responses or the hate I got, though I now realise how badly I fucked up. While I still think how people wrote about Maya was disgusting and unfair, how I treated Tia was cruel and ignorant. I was trying to help everyone and be practical, but I neglected to properly consider the emotional side. While unintentional I was just ignoring Tia's pain and trauma. The responses were a wake-up call and I realised I was just going to ruin everything. While it wasn't meant that way, it would just hurt Tia and ruin our relationship. I managed to convince some friends to let Maya stay with them and looked for a place. Currently, Tia still lives with me, while I found a cheap one-bedroom for Maya. It's been rough financially but I managed to get everything my sisters need, a few sacrifices don't matter compared to them. Maya needed help adjusting and learning to be independent so I did have to focus on her initially, and Tia absolutely hated me giving her any attention so it was extremely difficult at first. But it got a lot better as Maya adjusted and grew more independent and I could balance my time better. It's not perfect but we've gotten into a rhythm the best we can. Maya has grown a lot, and can mostly live by herself now, though I obviously still help. Therapy has really helped her and she's made a lot of friends at university. While she still wants Tia's forgiveness, she's accepted it's not in her control and to focus on living her life and improving herself. I'm really happy she's free of our parents' influence, she's nothing like she used to be. Though I do wish I had tried harder when she was younger, rather than giving up. Tia isn't completely happy, I don't think she'll ever forgive Maya. I've done my best to make it clear I love her, and Maya isn't my favourite but it's been hard. We get joint therapy that helps a lot, but she still wishes it was just us. Still she's finally able to understand that helping Maya isn't rejecting her. I'm so thankful and lucky Tia could forgive me, she means the world to me. I never intended to hurt her, though I clearly completely fucked up my approach. We basically just avoid the Maya situation, and have managed to get back to normal. She's such a strong woman, I'm honestly so proud of her and so ashamed of how short-sighted I was. As selfish as it is, a part of me will always wish Tia could forgive her. But I know that's impossible and selfish. I don't think Tia will ever fully accept that Maya is a part of my life. The most I'll get is Tia and Maya being in one building for my wedding, but honestly that's enough for me. They're both victims of our parents, so I'm just glad they can both be happy and free. While it's not a fairy-tale ending, everything is going well. I'm glad I posted and was able to fix my horrible mistake. &#x200B; **NOTE: Please do not comment on the original post nor reach out to the OP, as it is against the rules.** &#x200B; # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost.

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11mcrcx/op_asks_if_he_is_the_ah_for_wanting_to_help_his/

11mcrcx

TIFU By getting getting tested to donate a kidney to my wife

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/throwway_wifeismyhs in r/tifu on Feb 18, '23, updated March 2, '23. Cat fact to cover spoilers: Did you know a lot of communities in the US offer low-cost spay and neuter clinics to help you get your pet sterilized affordable? Kitten Season is here and it's a great time to make sure our pets and neighborhood strays aren't reproducing! I have info in my pinned profile post to help you find options in your area. Trigger Warning: >!Accidental incest!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/115szqx/tifu_by_getting_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/) TIFU By getting getting tested to donate a kidney to my wife. I decided to get tested to see if I could donate my kidney to my wife of 6 years. We have two kids together (4f,2m). My wife got sick just after our son was born and now is in need of a kidney transplant. We checked with her relatives and none were a match or a viable doner. Last week I got tested. I knew it would be a long shot so I decided to get tested to see if I could donate. I got a call the other day saying that I was a match. The doctor then said something about wanting to do additional testing due to some information from the HLA tissue test results. I didn't think much of it and agreed. Then the results came in I was shocked and confused. He explained that because of how DNA information is passed down through generations a parent to a child could have at least a 50% match. Siblings could have a 0-100% match. It was rare to have a high match as husband and wife. I asked what does that mean. He said that my wife and I have an "abnormally high match percentage." Long story short were related. No I'm not kidding. I was put up for adoption before I was born. Placed into a family that moved across the country. I knew I was adopted but we didn't have any I formation about my bio family. It was a closed adoption. I met my wife by chance 8 years ago. I was on a trip from work and she was working at the sight I went to. We worked together for a week. We exchanged numbers kept in touch. I was sent back there 3 more times that year and each time we became closer. I was given the opertunity to be transferred out there in a new higher paying position in a different department as hers the rest is history. I don't know what do do moving forward but I know it may be wrong. She is my wife and the mother of our kids. This post is probably going to get removed but it is all true. TL;DR: Wife of 6 years needs a kidney I got tested and we have an abnormally high match percentage for being husband and wife. Edit: look at name. All of my family is from my adopted parents. My parents adopted me 2 minutes after I was born. Their name is on my Birth certificate. They have not told me anything about my bio parents and don't have any info. Her family is not a match as stated above most of her family has low match potential or can't donate due to medical or other reasons. I am 2 years older than my wife. I do know that my wife was born when her parents were late teens. [Update 2 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/11fzxgz/tifu_update_by_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/) This is an update. The original was posted about 2 weeks ago. Yes I know I misspelled across. Yes, I do have bad grammar and spelling. Yes, I am stressed and freaking out. Yes, I can play the banjo. No there was no genetic test when we got married. Our state stopped that in the 1990s. No, my wife has never been stuck in the dryer but, she once got stuck under the bed....(joke) The reason I did not go in too much detail is to try to not be so specific that I or my wife might be recognized. Well, the front page of Reddit didn't help with that. Thank you all for your comments and feedback. I didn't respond to them but I did read all of them. The reason her family couldn't donate was that close relatives had some medical issues that prevent them from donating. Examples: high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, heavy drinkers, and more. The further out we tested the less percent of a match. I wanted to be tested because we needed to find someone. The doctor said it would be unlikely but wouldn't hurt to try. I was freaking out after I got the news and had to get outside advice. When the doc said that the percentage was abnormally high and that we might be related I kind of zoned out and started to piece things together in my mind. My parents live a thousand miles away. They met my inlaws a few times. Once at my wedding and when both my children were born. My children are fine. My daughter is incredibly smart for her age. My son is a handful and healthy. The way my adoption worked was when my bio mom gave birth to me I was checked out and put in a different room(I was there but don't know how it officially worked). From what My parents explained they were in that room waiting. They never met my bio mom in person. My bio mom only had a profile and picked them out of many candidates. I called my parents and told them that I needed to know everything they knew about my bio mom. They told me that they had limited knowledge. They said she was a single mom that was 16 years old. The father was not in the picture. Also, I was born in a hospital one hour from where my wife was born. Like I said limited knowledge. Growing up I didn't want to find out about my bio parents. To me, my parents were always my parents. I knew I was adopted and that it was a closed adoption. I figure it wouldn't matter long term. I'm not going to do an additional at-home DNA test through any of the traditional testing sights like 23 or ancestry due to personal reasons. Like the possibility of the family finding out. The doc said all of this to only me, not with my wife present. Some of the additional tests were done through the doctor which was the cM test? (I'm not an expert on DNA testing) they said it was like a 1900+ cM match. This basically confirms one of my bio parents is one of hers. (it can also mean first cousins or aunt/uncle) I'm guessing her dad. (when my kids were born my parents brought photos of me as a baby and commented that I and my son looked a lot like my wife's dad). My son was easily explainable. But all 3 of us are a different story. I'm not going to bring this up ever. I might look at my FIL differently but nothing will hopefully change. I hope none of the family goes on Reddit and connects the dots. I am donating my kidney to my wife. We have started the full process. That takes time and a lot of preparation. I plan on talking to my wife after the surgery and after recovery. We will decide what to do with our kids. If we are going to get them tested or ever tell them. I will not be leaving my wife. I love and will always be there for her. I made vows and I will keep them. I love her more than I would a half-sister. TL;DR I'm donating my kidney to my wife who is most possibly my paternal half-sister. ETA I do plan on telling her after the surgery. She is not doing well and I think this will be even harder in her. I would rather her know that I love her as a husband rather than flip her world upside down right before life-changing and dangerous surgery. If something were to happen. Telling our kids is not a decision I'm going to make on my own it will be a joint thing after my wife knows. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11mkhpt/tifu_by_getting_getting_tested_to_donate_a_kidney/

11mkhpt

About 50 years ago, OOP witnessed a violent death that still haunts them. Their mom claims it never happened. R/RBI is on the case.

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I AM NOT OP. THIS IS A REPOST SUB. THIS IS NOT MY STORY OR SITUATION. The [original](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/10ag73x/witnessed_death_of_neighbor_as_a_child_about_4550/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) was posted on r/rbi January 13, 2023 The [update](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/10d2f6b/update_to_my_request_re_witnessing_neighbors/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) was posted January 16, 2023 \_\_\_\_\_ **Witnessed death of neighbor as a child about 45-50 years ago, trying to find info about it** # TW: Graphic violence. Back when I was a kid living in New Orleans, LA., I saw someone die in the street with their throat slashed. It's a long story but these are the bullet points: * We lived in Hollygrove, a neighborhood of New Orleans. 2936 Joliet St to be exact. * Approximate timeline: 1974, 1975, maybe 1976 but I doubt it was in '76. I was either in 3rd or 4th grade and that would put it at fall 1973-spring 1975 school years' timeline. * Neighbor's first name was Margaret. She killed the guy in self-defense, he was stabbing her with a screwdriver in the back. She grabbed a kitchen knife and slashed his throat. * He stumbled out into the street and my father ran out to see if he could help. I followed and watched him die in the street. This has affected me a lot in my adult years. It's constant fight or flight in my life. But the weird part is: no one else in the family remembers it, except for my dad who never wanted to discuss it and he's passed away since then. My mom claims that it never happened. What?? I was freaking 8 or 9 years old and watched as a man lay in the street, a giant gash in his throat gushing with blood and that never happened?!? Ms. Margaret's sons were so nice and my good friends. I've never heard from them again after this and I would love to see if I can find them somehow and see how they are. (Of course, I wouldn't bring this up.) I've looked in New Orleans newspaper archives for this time and cannot find anything. \~\~\~\~\~ Relevant comment: >Found an article in The Louisiana Weekly newspaper from December 1 1973, can see picture of the article [here](https://imgur.com/a/xHT6zKd) OOP responds: >Oh my God. This is it! I can't believe it, after so long searching and searching! I'm overwhelmed thank you!!!!!!!!!! \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Update to my request re: witnessing neighbor's death as a child** # Trigger warning: graphic violence I want to thank everyone for their help from the bottom of my heart. u /smudgitt your discovery helped me so much; I am so grateful! I was able to show it to my mother, who indeed hadn't remembered! She was stunned. The address listed was the kicker, it confirmed that it was indeed Ms. Margaret and her cousin. I don't remember her being involved in the situation like my father and I were. She stayed in the house with my little sister and brother. I'm posting the story, blocking some parts for violence. This is what happened. It was late, I know it was around 10:00-10:30pm. I had already drifted to sleep but then I was awakened by loud talking on the other side of the wall. The talking turned to screaming and shouting, a loud argument. I've always been a bit anxious about arguing so I went to my parents' bedroom, woke up my dad and said I was scared because of the shouting. My dad scolded me and said to go back to sleep, that it was a school night, and I shouldn't be up and to mind my business. I reluctantly went back to bed, the shouting and arguing continuing next door. I thought about my 2 friends (her sons) that had to be just as anxious as me, listening to that. After about 2-3 minutes, the shouting escalated into HORRIBLE screaming and shrieking. I was shaking, starting to cry. "I want a new life!!!" I heard the man shouting. I heard Ms. Margaret screaming at the top of her lungs. Then, he screamed too, and I heard him running up the hall to the front door. I scuttled over to the living room window and saw him lurching across the front porch. It was dark but I could see big globs of dark stuff falling from his neck. By this time, my dad got up as well and was standing at the front door. He ran out to the street where Arthur had stumbled to. I was shocked that my dad was outside in his underwear! I followed my dad, who was crouched over him. I looked over his shoulder. Arthur's eyes rolled in the back of his head and a big gush of blood bubbled out of the wound. Oh my God, my dad said. He's dead, he's dead! I watched, fascinated and horrified...I didn't understand the finality of what I had just seen. Ms. Margaret was behind us, standing on the cement porch in a white t-shirt covered in blood. The back of her shirt had bloody puncture wounds and she was screaming that he tried to kill her with a screwdriver. NOPD arrived and took her away. My 2 friends, her sons, came to our house and sat on the living room sofa, quiet and in shock. My dad told me to go to sleep, that someone in their family was going to pick them up. I couldn't sleep and watched them from down the hall, as they huddled together on our couch. I finally went to sleep, and I never heard from them again. I didn't go to school the next day, and I kept going to the bloody spot in the street where Arthur had died. I said some awkward kid prayers for him. Later that day, it rained and washed the blood away. That memory has lived in my mind since. I'm restarting therapy and will do the EMDR process. There's a lot more that has contributed to PTSD in my life but as you can imagine, this moment created so many triggering behaviors. Again, thanks so much to yall. Take care. &#x200B; \~\~\~\~ Relevant comment: >You already got your answer, and it’s not much, [but I did find this small article on it as well](https://imgur.com/a/U3y1iPT).There isn’t any additional details on the event, but does give a date and time — November 20, 1973 at 11:30pm (which tracks well with your memory). \~\~\~ Relevant comment from OOP: >I showed my mom the news blurb that [u/smidgitt](https://www.reddit.com/u/smidgitt/) found and she was shocked. She honestly blocked it from her memories. Up until yesterday, I had no way of proving it was real, only my memory and my father's. My brother and sister (and her) didn't witness what my father and I saw, only the yelling and screaming and whatever they could see from the windows. I was 8, my sister was 6 and my brother 4 so they definitely don't remember it. &#x200B; \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ &#x200B; I AM NOT OOP. THIS IS A REPOST SUB.

BarriBlue

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11myb81/about_50_years_ago_oop_witnessed_a_violent_death/

11myb81

My (21M) girlfriend (21F) went on an anti Semitic rant after getting into an argument with someone. I’m Jewish...

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**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwawa777777y **My (21M) girlfriend (21F) went on an anti Semitic rant after getting into an argument with someone. I’m Jewish...** **Trigger warning:** >!racial slurs, stereotypes & bigotry!< **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/bc0gp4/my_21m_girlfriend_21f_went_on_an_anti_semitic/?utm_source=share&amp%3Butm_medium=ios_app) **April 11, 2019** We’ve been together for 3 months and I had no idea that she held those beliefs. She’s always been a calm, “make love not war” kinda person and very kind to everyone. This is completely out of character and I’m still not sure if she was trolling or not. Yesterday evening we were sitting in the car and she was talking to some guy from her internship. She sounded heated and they were clearly arguing over something. When she hung up she said that he was an asshole, a douchebag etc...then she started calling him a “dirty ass Jew”. I was shocked to say the least and didn’t even know what to say, it came out of nowhere. She said that all Jews are “extremely arrogant” and that they disgust her. For the record, we never discussed our religious backgrounds. Neither of us are religious (she’s Middle Eastern) so that’s just not something we ever brought up. She continued saying that you can’t trust Jews, that they’re all “rats” and that she’d rather die than associate with someone “so corrupt”. I asked her if that’s how she really feels and she said yes of course. I still haven’t told her that I’m Jewish, I’m not even sure how she will react when I do tell her. Should I even bother? It sucks because she’s an amazing girl and I’m ridiculously attracted to her but had no clue she was like this. Any advice? TL;DR My girlfriend went on an anti Semitic rant and explained how much she hates Jews. I’m Jewish, should I tell her and see how she responds or just move on? **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Unshavenhelga  >"I’m Jewish, should I tell her and see how she responds or just move on?" >Yes. How have you not told her? That seems weird. OOP replied >I’d just tell her that I’d rather not be with a racist and then leave it at that. I was contemplating whether it’s even worth it to tell her I’m Jewish. I have a strong feeling she’ll freak out. lemmehelpyaout  >This doesn't sound like trolling. Even if you weren't Jewish, do you really want to be with someone so blatantly ignorant and anti-semitic? OOP replied >I wouldn’t be with anyone who’s racist or prejudiced against any group. I’m just confused because she’s generally very bubbly and to see her hate with so much passion is bizarre. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/beskkf/update_my_21m_girlfriend_21f_went_on_an_anti/)  **April 18, 2019** I figured there was an interest in an update so here it goes. This all happened a few days ago. The day I made the post she actually came up to me and said that we should do something romantic for our anniversary soon. Well, that didn’t turn out well. Before I told her about my background, I asked her why she holds these beliefs/attitudes towards Jews. She pretty much sounded like Hans Landa the whole time. At one point she even admitted that she got suspended from school as a kid for “teaming up” with a white supremacist and pulling a horrible “prank” on a Jewish student. Afterwards I bluntly told her that I’m Jewish. She didn’t believe me at all and thought I was joking. I told her that I was dead serious and she just laughed and told me to shut up. This went on for a while and she even asked for proof. When it finally hit her she looked like she died inside. Things went 0-100 very fast. She got physically aggressive and screamed at me, calling me a liar and a psychopath. She said that our relationship was never real because it was based on a lie and that she feels disgusted with herself. When she insulted me I reminded her that she really liked me despite my “dirtiness” which just pushed her over the edge. She cried hysterically and I left. The next morning she knocked on my door and insisted that SHE dumped me and not the other way around. She warned me not tell people that I dumped her since that would make her look bad. I didn’t say anything and closed the door. I heard her screaming and knocking violently, basically asking me how dare I close the door in her face and that “you people are all the same”. After a while she left and started writing me on Snapchat. I blocked her, then she called me from a friends phone and verbally attacked me. I’ve never seen her act so crazy. Long story short, I blocked/deleted her on everywhere and she eventually stopped. I knew things wouldn’t go smooth, especially after our initial conversation, but I didn’t know it would be this bad. Some of her stuff is still at my place. Oh well TL;DR Told her, broke up with her. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11nchca/my_21m_girlfriend_21f_went_on_an_anti_semitic/

11nchca

My ex-husband who cheated on me with my sister emailed me after 6 years

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Originally posted by u/expensive_concept152 in r/TrueOffMyChest on March 1, '23, updated March 3rd. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11f4t3z/my_exhusband_who_cheated_on_me_with_my_sister/) My ex-husband who cheated on me with my sister emailed me after 6 years I (33F) met my ex-husband, Dan (40F) almost 15 years ago at a restaurant when I was celebrating my 18th birthday. He was really nice, charming and mature. He made me feel loved and special. For some context, I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mom and dad used to always fight. My dad would sometimes go out and not come back for months. He died when my sister Abby (25F) was born. My mom was way too fond of Abby since her birth rather than me. Abby was basically babied by my mother. She didn't neglect me at all, always did her best as a mother and provided for me but I always felt sometime missing. After Dan came to my life I didn't feel like there was something missing from me. He supported me, he was caring. He would always buy me gifts and take me out in long drives. I felt complete when I was with him. We got married after dating for 4 years. I wanted to start a family right away but Dan encouraged me to do my masters and helped me build my career. He wanted us to be in a stable position financially before we start thinking about having kids. Seriously, he was the best guy I could ever ask for. After 5 years of being happily married, I discovered that my husband was cheating on me with Abby. I discovered the affair when my husband made an excuse that he will go out of town for a week but he stayed in town and he booked a hotel room where he and Abby can have sex. This has been going on for 6 months behind my back. I was really devastated. Abby and I were close growing up. I loved her and cared for her. How could she do this to me. After the D-Day dan and I had a fight. I asked how could he do this to me? That too with my sister who just turned 19? He said he didn't love me anymore, that I don't give him enough attention. That I am not the same girl he fell in love with. Between this mess, I discovered that I was pregnant. But due to the stress, I lost the baby. He didn't even care enough to visit me at the hospital when I lost OUR child. He was having a weekend getaway with my sister. I should have seen the signs. Abby would always be touchy with Dan. Dan would sometimes stare at her. But it is still very disturbing for me. My mother as usual took Abby's side and told me to just make peace with it. I wanted to k!ll myself because I had no one left. Lost my child and my husband, my whole family. Then my bestfriend Tina (my savior) came to my rescue. She was moving to another state and asked me to come with her. I said yes. I was already divorced at that point and we lived in a small town. So, I would obviously run into my ex and my sister. It took me a while to settle into my new life in a different state but I met some kind people there. It helped me healed some trauma. I still have trust issues. I met my now husband Tony (32M) after one year of moving to the new place. I was really hesitant and kept my guard up but he showed me that he is trustworthy and loves me a lot. I was so happy with him that I almost forgot about the life I had back in my hometown. His parents were really welcoming and generous people. We got married a year ago. I am now pregnant with our first child. Yesterday, I got an email from my ex Dan. It just brought back all the bad memories. I am just paraphrasing his email. He mentioned that he misses me. He tried to find me but couldn't. He is very miserable with my sister. She is very dumb and doesn't care about him like I do. I used to bake him a cake and throw birthdays for him. But Abby only texted him Happy birthday and didn't even bother to buy him a cake. Plus she is very rude, she doesn't respect him, she is always at the bar with her friends. He also mentioned that she has cheated on him 5 times already. The last affair was with his cousin. Our mother also doesn't stop her. He will soon file for a divorce but lately he has been missing me a lot. He wants us to try again as a couple. He wants us to become a family just like before. Since I do not have social media except for instagram which is private, he probably doesn't know that I am married and I have a baby on the way. I don't know if I should feel pity for him or just laugh because the grass on his side is very brown rather than green. ​ UPDATE: I just wanted to say thanks to all of you who messaged and showed me support. I have decided to send him an email and be done with it. It goes like: Dan, I am sorry to hear that you are suffering but there is no way I would be with you. Yes, there was a time when I used to be that girl who would have taken you in a heartbeat but that girl is not there anymore. That girl has died the day I had a miscarriage and you were somewhere shacking up with my sister. I called you but you never picked it up. I am married to a wonderful man who loves me and cherishes me. I am also pregnant with our first child. I am beginning this new chapter of my life with someone I love and care deeply. So, please, do not contact me ever again. You made your choice. You chose my barely legal sister over me. I do not care if she cheats on you or she doesn't respect you. Someone like you don't deserve loyalty and respect anyways. I have left my old life in my old town. It will be best for you to move on and have some self reflect on yourself. You are just a deeply insecure man who is getting old and thought having a young woman would be good by your side. Good bye. UPDATE 2 (3 march): A lot of you have been asking me what he replied. Well he replied within an hour of me emailing him. He said that he was stupid enough to believe that I would still wait for him. And he said he would always wait for me because no matter what I will always be his "baby doll". I cringed hard. He used to call me that but now it feels repulsive. I also got an email from my mom and my sister. My mom just congratulated me and was excited that she is going to be a grandmother. And my sister also did the same and said she will be the "cool aunt". I cannot believe these people. They forgot how they treated me when I needed them. And moreover betrayed me. I cried for a long time because I have been reading your comments. And it seems like me and my sister was groomed by that man. I feel so stupid. I know I shouldn’t be mad at my sister but she was old enough to know it's bad to have an affair with a married man. That too someone who is your sister's husband. I blocked all of them. I am 5 months pregnant already. I don’t need more stress. God bless my husband. He comforted me when I cried. Later took me out for ice-cream. I hope I can move past this. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11h7czu/update_my_exhusband_who_cheated_on_me_with_my/) I am cooled down now, I think I can make a more elaborate update. Thanks to everyone who has shown me support. I needed it. The email from him (my ex) just struck me like a train. I had flashbacks of everything he has done to me. I think you guys deserve a detailed update. After I sent him the reply mail, he emailed me within an hour with the thing I said in my update2 part. Few hours later, I get 2 other email from my mom and sister. They sent me in my old email address that I hardly use now. I don't know how they knew about my pregnancy. I try to keep a low profile. I still haven't posted my baby bump picks on social media or made any announcements. I only have instagram to follow my friends. But it just scared me. I broke down crying on the spot. Luckily, my husband, Tony was around. He held me and put me on the couch. He knows everything about me. I never hid anything from him. I was a little bit scared that my mom and sister would find me. He reassured me that I am hundreds of miles away from them. I mean we are on the opposite part of our country. He took me out for ice-cream to comfort me. It took 2 ice-cream cones to finally calm me down lol. I told him about my concerns and that my mom and sister might demand to see my baby (it's a girl). He told he would talk to his uncle, who is a police officer to be in look out for them. Even if they come here and force themselves on you he would fight for it. He is going to consult his lawyer friend about this matter. And told me not to worry about my ex. He cannot harm me anymore. My husband even made a joke that he would move countries if he have to. Lastly, someone in my post commented that I should alert the daycare about my mom and sister in case they try to steal my baby. Well, we aren't planning to put her in day care. Even though I am currently working, I decided I would quit my job and look after my baby and focus on healing from giving birth. I do have a good amount of saving in my personal bank. And this is my own decision. I will go back to work when our little princess is a little bit older. My in-laws are amazing. My MIL and FIL lives nearby. They are both good people and offered to help with my child. Also, don't worry, apart from my in-laws I have a good support system too. Tina and her wife, Jenny basically adopted me lol. They are really good people and always helped me. I don't know what will happen in future but at least I am surrounded by some good people that I never had growing up. Now, I will take your leave and enjoy my husband pampering me. If something big happens, I will keep you guys updated. And my ex, sister and mother are all blocked. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ngq6k/my_exhusband_who_cheated_on_me_with_my_sister/

11ngq6k

My (24F) boyfriend (25M) had a bizarre reaction upon meeting my sister (23F). Neither of them will tell me what’s going on and it’s driving me crazy.

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**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/confusedangryannoyed **My (24F) boyfriend (25M) had a bizarre reaction upon meeting my sister (23F). Neither of them will tell me what’s going on and it’s driving me crazy.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice Trigger warning:>!drug addiction!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b6nhjf/my_24f_boyfriend_25m_had_a_bizarre_reaction_upon/)   March 28, 2019 I’ll get right to it BF and I have been together for almost a year now and our relationship has been great so far. He’s my dream guy and I honestly couldn’t ask for someone better. I always felt that we were both honest and trusted each other. At no point in our relationship did I sense that he was being unfaithful or doing something he shouldn’t. Last week he came over to have dinner with my family. My parents know him well and adore him, however it was the first time he met my sister (or so I thought). For the record, I don’t have a great relationship with her at all. She’s manipulative, aggressive and batshit crazy to put it mildly. The only time she contacts me is when she either needs 1)money or 3) my help to get her out of trouble once again. I don’t have a clue what’s going on in her life most of the time and prefer it that way. Anyway, after dinner BF and I were in one of the guest bedrooms when my sister walked in (she arrived late as usual). As soon as he noticed her his whole demeanour changed. He looked surprised but then very annoyed. It was obvious he was trying to act indifferent but it wasn’t working at all because he absolutely lost focus of what he was doing. My sister’s reaction was also weird, she immediately said “oh hey” in this fake innocent voice and started giggling. She had this huge fucking grin on her face and asked me where I “found” him. They awkwardly exchanged greetings and then she left the kitchen again. Of course I asked him wtf just happened, like do you know her or something?? He vaguely said that she seems “familiar” and kept beating around the bush. I asked if they had sex and he immediately assured me that they “they definitely did NOT” hook up and that I shouldn’t worry. Later that evening I asked her in private if they met before and did something I should know about. She wasn’t being serious at all and kept telling me not to worry and all that BS. However she swore they never hooked up and I actually believed her for once, if they did have sex she’d definitely rub it in my face. I asked her if she owes him money or something and she said no. Side note: As we were about to leave later in the evening BF said that he forgot his wallet and needed to go back inside. At the time I didn’t realize but now I’m almost sure he went to talk to her, for whatever reason. It’s really frustrating being in this situation and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve brought it up several times and he just keeps changing the topic or telling me that “nothing happened”. Doesn’t that sound crazy suspicious? I don’t want this to affect our relationship but I feel like I don’t even know him anymore. I’m tired of begging for explanation at this point. Should I have a serious discussion with him or just give up & move on? TL;DR My boyfriend and my sister have met in the past, neither of them will tell me what happened. I’m quickly losing trust in my bf and find it unfair that he’s being so secretive. Should I give him a chance to confess everything or just move on? [Update](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b7s7c6/my_24f_boyfriend_25m_had_a_bizarre_reaction_upon/) March 31, 2019 I had NO idea that my post blew up the way it did. Had it not been for the hundreds of “where’s the update/what happened???” comments and DMs I probably would’ve deleted the account and moved on. I don’t have a main Anyway, on the day I made the post I calmly just asked him to tell me what happened. I told him that it can’t be THAT bad and that we can work through whatever it is. He said that he can’t because I’d think less of him and all that stuff. Idk, I was very hurt by that comment and didn’t push it any further. The next day I had a massive argument with my sister who said that he never actually paid her off. I had a feeling she was lying anyway. She decided to tell me what happened because she got bored (yes, really) and wanted me to leave her alone again. In a nutshell, this is what she told me: • Around 2 years ago she went to these weird, fucked up parties (/clubs?) that were filled with people from wealthy/professional backgrounds and everyone was constantly coked up. Basically lots of debauchery & excess. • She saw my BF on several occasions and said that he was always doing heavy ‘substances’ and acting very, very wild. Apparently he and his buddies were major assholes too. (Btw, I’m not sure how she ended up there but he comes from a wealthy family so the connection makes sense) • One day he invited her to one of the rooms where he was smoking weed. She said that they got high together but never hooked up • Afterwards she left the party with him and a few others and they went to someone’s place • She walked in on my BF having a threesome with a couple of girls who tied him to the bed and pegged/used toys on him amongst other things. She spent 5 minutes explaining how “loud” he was and that he asked her to hold his hand. • Someone called the cops to the location and everyone, including my sister, took off without untying him so he was stuck there • She says she never saw him again after that night Long story short, I brought it up with my BF. He eventually admitted that she told the truth. I was more concerned about his substance abuse and said I’d be willing to discuss that if he’s comfortable with it. It was a sensitive topic but I think we dealt with it well. He’s clean now and said that he managed to put a stop to it before it spiralled out of control. I assured him that his mental/physical health is far more important, the rest is just whatever. He was pretty relieved. He said that he’s actually open about his past issues but didn’t feel like he could tell me. I think many people did something in the past they’re not proud of and it’s not always easy to share that with someone you care about. However it’s definitely not something I expected because he’s a clean-cut guy and just very calm/quiet overall. Afterwards I asked him about that incident and he was mortified. He said that my sister just laughed in his face and didn’t even try to help so the cops had to untie him and he had to go ER that night as well. He was incredibly embarrassed about the butt play stuff.... and the handholding. It’s the first time I’ve seen him so red faced. I definitely could’ve handled the situation better from the start and regret that I was so pushy. Maybe if i didn’t freak out he’d feel more comfortable telling me. Just to finish off this post I’m gonna say this: if you’re facing a serious problem or addiction of any kind, please make sure you get help! The people that matter won’t judge you & you’ll feel less alone. TL;DR Bf had problems in the past which he recovered from. One time he got high with my sister and ended up in a comprising situation **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Used2becute  >That isn’t good, Butt I suppose it could have been a lot worse. OOP replied >At least they didn’t bury bodies together so I guess Jacross 7  >...am I weird or did he not do anything wrong and shouldn't be embarassed? >Well, except for being an asshole apparently. According to her sister. who is mental. OOP replied >According to the stories she told me, he did sound like an asshole. **OOP ON THE SEX/ORGY** OOP >It was consensual. He was just really, really enjoying himself & asked her to hold his hand because it felt THAT good I guess. She found it hilarious and described it in detail but I don’t think that’s relevant here >He didn’t specify why he went ER, he just said “”something”” got stuck in him so yeah. >Thanks for your concern though. I appreciate it RynnRoo96  >Did she hold his hand though? That's my question aha OOP >She did. Lol. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11npmxa/my_24f_boyfriend_25m_had_a_bizarre_reaction_upon/

11npmxa

OOP is asked out by a girl who used to bully him

ONGOING

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** [u/ThrowRAUncleIroh](https://www.reddit.com/u/ThrowRAUncleIroh/) **in** [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) TW: >!Mentions of bullying!< Mood Spoiler: >!Wholesome!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11biznb/i_27m_met_a_girl_27f_who_used_to_bully_me_when_we/) \- Feb. 25, 2023 **I (27M) met a girl (27F) who used to bully me when we were little. Now she is asking me out and I don't know what to do.** I (27M) was heavily bullied since the beginning of kindergarten until the end of middle school, when I transferred in a different town. My classroom had 15 children, me excluded. Out of these 15, 7 of them used to bully me constantly and the other 8 simply ignored what was happening. Out of the 7 bullies, 4 did some particularly heavy shit (I will call them the B team. You can guess what B stands for), while the other 3 did some random lighter things ( throwing paper scraps at me, stealing pencils and things like that. I will call them the C team) or acted as "followers" for the B team. What the B team did to me scarred me for life and I had to go to therapy to deal with it. If I met them today, I would make them pay for everything they did to me. My hatred for the C team is not nearly as big but it's still vivid. Until last year I couldn't bring myself to forgive anybody in that classroom (both teachers and students) for doing nothing to help me when the B team was tormenting me. Last year, though, my hatred started to fade following some serious events in my life. ( sorry, I won't share what events) When I transferred, I swore to myself I would never go back to that town or talk to any of them ever again. Despite that, my past has found ways to follow me: I work in a pub (not sure if this is the right term in english) part time twice a week and around 6 months ago I met Nina (27F) there by chance. Nina was one of the 3 bullies of the C team and, while I have forgiven them now, it doesn't mean I want to have anything to do with her, so I tried to stay professional and act as if nothing was wrong. Anyway, physically she hasn't changed much: I mean, she has grown up since middle school, obviously, but I could still recognize her ( I'm not sure if I made myself clear.). The same cannot be said for me probably: in middle school I was fat, white like snow and I had light brown hair, while now I'm fit, my skin is a bit more pink and my hair have darkened in the last few years. When some of my friends look at my old photos, they struggle to recognize me. We didn't talk for much as I was working and she initially didn't recognize me but when one of my colleagues called me to ask me something, she connected the dots ( I have a particular name that is rare in our country, as it's really old fashioned and nobody use it anymore. Imagine, I don't know, being called Aristotele today). Once she recognized me, her demeanor changed drastically and she got out pretty soon. She came back a couple of times in the following months and she was quite shy toward me whenever we interacted. Few weeks ago she got mildly drunk and she started sobbing and ranting about what a crappy person she was in the past and how her life is shit. It was the classic drunken rambling and I didn't pay it much attention, I simply stopped serving her alcohol and gave her some water but at some point she grabbed my hand while I was taking away one of the empty glasses and she apologized. I have to say it felt weirdly good. She didn't come back in the following weeks but few days ago she texted me on social media, apologizing profusely for whatever she did while drunk and then she suddenly asked me out. At the time I was evidently too stupid or tired to understand clues and didn't understand it was meant as a date. She asked me out for a coffee and I thought she simply wanted to apologize in person or talk about the past in a more sober state. I realized my mistake yesterday, when I talked about it with a friend. Now I'm torn on what I should do. On one side, what Nina did in the past has conditioned me greatly and I can't simply forget about it. On the other, she really looks apologetic and she seems to have changed. It's been 15 years and maybe I should give her a chance. TL;DR : I met one of my old bullies by chance. She seems apologetic and she asked me out, what should I do? \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11htfbm/update_i_27m_met_a_girl_27f_who_used_to_bully_me/) \- Mar. 3, 2023 **UPDATE: I (27M) met a girl (27F) who used to bully me when we were little. Now she is asking me out and I don't know what to do.** Link to the original post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/11biznb/i\_27m\_met\_a\_girl\_27f\_who\_used\_to\_bully\_me\_when\_we/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11biznb/i_27m_met_a_girl_27f_who_used_to_bully_me_when_we/) I (27M) wasn't sure about doing an update post but quite a few of you gave me some good advice ( and some didn't but I want to focus on the good ones) so I thought it would be fair to update you on how the situation evolved. After reading your advices, I decided to meet Nina (27F) for that coffee. It was awkward but it wasn't that bad. She apologized profusely about the past. I thought her apologies would make me feel good but to be honest, I was wrong. The truth is that I still think badly of the Nina who bullied me in middle school but I couldn't see that Nina in the current Nina ( I don't know if what I'm trying to say makes sense or if my brain finally decided to give up on me.). Her voice, her demeanor, everything except for her face is completely different. I told her exactly how what she and the other bullies did affected me and then I decided to forgive her... more or less. I decided to start over as strangers and told her as much. I told her that while I couldn't forget what she did in the past, I don't know the current Nina. It's been 14 years since the those times, more than half of our lives passed since then and I firmly believe people can change ( I did.) so, if she wanted to try and get to know the current me, we could act as if that was the first time we met and move on from then. I don't know if this decision show my maturity or my stupidity, I guess the future will tell. I admit what she did next made my giggle a bit ( I think she took it from a film but I don't remember which one.). She stood up and got out of the coffee shop, then came back in, sat down and introduced herself. We chatted for a bit and it was ok. I what to thank all the people who gave me advices in the comment section of the previous post. TL;DR : I decided to forgive her and we decided to start over as strangers and see what happen.. \~\~\~ *Marked as concluded for now, since OOP didn't indicate that they intended to update again in the future.* \*\*\****March 14 Edit:*** *OOP has updated again* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRAUncleIroh/comments/11re630/update_2_i_27m_met_a_girl_27f_who_used_to_bully/)*, and indicated that they might keep updating in the future, so I changed the flair to ongoing. Anyone reading this, feel free to make a "new update" post once the new update is seven days old!* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11o5fng/oop_is_asked_out_by_a_girl_who_used_to_bully_him/

11o5fng

AITA for refusing the opportunity to walk my sister down the aisle?

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**I am not OOP. OOP was** u/ThrowRA_Climate_1817. His account has since been deleted. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Short read. Fun fact to cover up spoilers: u/Lorem-Oopsum requested penguins and provided the fun facts! Penguins are found in the Southern Hemisphere (and polar bears only in the north, contrary to some Coca-Cola Christmas commercials & children’s book illustrations.) 14 species of penguins live in temperate, or warm, climates while only four species reside in the cold. A group of penguins in the water is called a raft, and on land, that group is called a waddle. **Trigger Warning:** >!Verbal Abuse; death of a parent!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Justice is served!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11dwwap/aita_for_refusing_the_opportunity_to_walk_my/)**: February 27, 2023** My father passed away when I (m26) was 22 and my sister (f29) was 25. With this in mind, my sister, after getting engaged, asked me if I would do the honor of walking her down the aisle. At first I was elated and so I enthusiastically agreed. Then things quickly changed after my sister realized that my wife was pregnant. In the proceeding months my sister made my wife's life hell (who initially had been one of her bridesmaids, but was relatively recently informed that she will not be one). Originally it was fine but as my wife's pregnancy became visible, my sister would at times taunt her and make rude comments towards her. During her bachelorette party (just a few days ago), she even yelled at her because she was ruining her fun by being too distracting and "not-drinking" (I kid you not). The ensuing onslaught resulted in my wife being removed as one of her bridesmaids. She even left my PREGNANT wife on the side of the road as my sister made her way to a party planned, in part, by my wife and in a limosine paid for by me. This coupled with the fact that she had asked me recently to ask my wife to stay at home, "because her pregnancy will take attention away from her on her special day", just broke me. I called her up yesterday, after I found out what she said to my wife, and I told her that I will not be attending the wedding and that she will have to find someone else to walk her down the aisle. That's when the calls began. Everyone has been calling me, telling me that I am overreacting and that I am intentionally trying to sabotage her wedding. She even called to yell at me, and told me she had always hated "that bitch" while referring to my wife. I told her to fuck off ofc. My mother has been extremely sympathetic towards my wife and she agrees with me. My wife has been crying over this and she has herself received an onslaught of messages. I blocked all my relatives (except my mother ofc) and am planning a trip to Disneyland for my wife and I on the day of my sister's wedding (as I already booked the days off from work and Disney is where my wife and I went on our first date, when we lived in LA). This news has started its own onslaught. Nevertheless AITA? ***Relevant Comment:*** *Someone asks how OOP could possibly think he's the asshole:* Honestly, two reasons: 1. I am 90% sure I am NTA, but that 10% is still there as my father's death means that I do feel guilt for not walking her down the aisle 2. If it goes the way of the 90%, I will send this to her as one last slight towards her. ***OOP is resoundingly voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://web.archive.org/web/20230304085120/www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA_Climate_1817/comments/11hud38/update_aita_for_refusing_the_opportunity_to_walk/) **(Recovered with Wayback Machine): March 4, 2023 (5 days later)** Everyone has been asking for an update so here it is. So I unblocked my relatives (who had called me to convince me to walk my sister down the aisle) and sent them the post. Most apologized and didn't know about how poorly my sister had treated my wife. A few even cancelled going to the wedding and were appalled at the fact that my sister decided to kick my pregnant wife out of the car and leave her on the side of the road. The groom didn't care much and said that this is a personal family matter which he shouldn't involve himself in. My mother is attending, but she has just adopted the attitude of "once I get this done, she'll be out of my hair once and for all". Now, as for my sister, she was none too pleased when I sent her the post. She apparently texted me a bunch (I had her blocked so I didn't receive anything). Then, this very morning, she shows up to my firm in New York (she doesn't live too far but I didn't think she'd show up to my workplace). I sat her down and gave her a chance to explain herself (she refused to apologize). She tried to make herself seem like she was making the right decision by saying "she was just looking out for my wife and baby's health". To which I reminded her, how she tried to bully my PREGNANT wife into doing shots (my wife didn't cave ofc). Then she tried to guilt me. Saying it our father would had disapproved of me trying to ruin her wedding if he was alive. She said, blood is more important...which is ironic considering THIS IS ABOUT HER WEDDING. Then she got aggressive, telling me that I am "ruining her wedding" and proceeded to say horrific things about my wife. Angered, I told her to get out of my office. And I told her to never come to my office or house again or I'd get a restraining order. She left, cursing me and my wife out. Also, we're still going to Disneyland!

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11objcw/aita_for_refusing_the_opportunity_to_walk_my/

11objcw

I (21m) asked my friend (21f) to be FWB and now she won't talk to me + UPDATE

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I (21m) asked my friend (21f) to be FWB and now she won't talk to me Trigger warning: >!entitlement, obliviousness!< [ORIGINAL](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11ffedx/i_21m_asked_my_friend_21f_to_be_fwb_and_now_she/) by u/ThrowRAFlashyCommon on r/relationship_advice (March 2, 2023) I met this girl two years ago as my lab partner for one of my classes. We became friends, eating dinner together after class and studying together. We've continued to take the same classes but I don't see her as often one on one because we joined an informal study group with other people from our class. Recently, she's been more open than usual, getting closer to me when we're working on a problem together and being more chatty/flirty. She and I are both single and have been for a while. I thought that she was interested in me and I decided to take a shot in the dark. I pulled her aside after a study session last week and once everyone else had left I brought up how we're both single and asked if she wanted to be friends with benefits. She asked what I meant and I said that we could hookup sometimes and otherwise keep things the same and still be friends. She said that she really isn't interested in that and that she doesn't see me that way. I just said "oh, ok. see you tomorrow then" and left. I'm hurt that I got rejected but at the time I was still glad that I had been brave enough to go through with it. I knew it was going to be awkward with her for a few days but it's been a lot worse than that. At the study sessions she sits at the other side of the table from where she used to. She only works with other people in the group and doesn't even glance at me except if I directly ask her a question. Yesterday, I tried to walk alongside her as she left the study session and said "hey, I haven't seen you in a while, how's it going?" She said that she didn't want to talk and that she feels weird about me. I left her alone after that but I'm crushed. I understand why she's mad at me and I know it's all my fault. I was incredibly stupid and I don't know if I can undo what I did. I thought if she said no she would just tease me a little and leave it at that but I understand that what I said really hurt her. Is there any way I can get her to be friends with me again? Should I apologize and if so how should I word it? I really don't want to lose her as a friend. TL;DR: I asked a friend if she wanted to be friends with benefits and now things are awkward between us. I don't think she even wants to still be friends. *Commenters tell OOP that he massively fucked up the girl by approaching her the way he did. He could've had a chance if he asked her out in a date first instead of straight-up asking her to have sex with him. They tell OOP that the girl probably feels like he just sees her as an sexual object instead of actually as a friend.* [OOP says:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11ffedx/comment/jaj3pk6/) I understand that's how I came across, but that's not what I feel. I value her as a friend independent of how I see her sexually. What can I say so that she knows I still like her as a person? *Commenters tell OOP that it's too late and she sees him in a complete different light now.* [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/update_i_21m_asked_my_friend_21f_to_be_fwb_and/) (March 4, 2023) So I took the advice in the original post advice and didn't say anything further to her. Last night she sent me a text telling me she doesn't think she can be friends with me anymore. She said that what I did made her very uncomfortable and that she's not attracted to me and doesn't know what made me ask her that. She told me to leave her alone and to not talk to her at the study sessions. I didn't reply to that and I'm not going to today's study session. I feel ashamed and embarrassed at what I did, but I'm also very hurt that this happened. I'm upset that she's throwing away our friendship over this even though I know I shouldn't have asked her that. I also think she's been telling other people what happened. In my first class this morning this random girl who sits near me said "did you really ask (friend's name) to hook up with you?" I asked where she heard that and she just told me to stay away from (friend's name). I'm afraid of how many other people she might have told, which is partly why I don't want to go the study session today in case she's told them. I also got a text later from an unrecognized number saying "you're a creep". I blocked that number but I'm feeling very uneasy. This situation has been stressful for both of us, so I don't know why she's making it worse by telling people about it. We've both suffered enough already and would be better off if we just move on. I'm still devastated at losing her as a friend and at being rejected so I just want to lick my wounds and slowly get over it. To be clear, I accept that I've lost her as a friend and that this was my fault for being so stupid. But I feel that she's gone too far by airing our dirty laundry when this should really be kept as a private matter between us. I'm also worried that I won't have a chance with other girls at our college if they hear about this. Is there anything I should do about the story spreading, and if so, what do I do? Should I say anything to her? There's a lot of things happening at once and I'm confused as to what I should do. *Commenters keep asking why OOP approached the girl the way he did and why not just ask her on a date.* [OOP says:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jats1df/) I thought for the last month or so that she was into me and I was pretty sure of it, so that's why I was so forward. That's no excuse for my behavior but that's what was going through my head. I didn't want to date her at least at first so I didn't think about asking for a date. That would have been the better move but she would've shot me down anyways so I guess it doesn't matter. [And:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jatxmvc/) I've always thought that date = relationship. No it's never worked before but she was my only female friend so it's not like I would try that on some random girl. *Commenters ask why OOP wouldn't want a relationship.* [OOP says:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jb199ep/) I might have wanted that eventually but I wanted to test out how well we'd work together as fwb first. I'm not really a relationship type of guy so I can't just jump into that out of nowhere. I didn't want to be tied to someone immediately like that. [And:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jb1f77a/) I haven't had a relationship but I wouldn't be able to hook up with other girls if I was in one and it's too serious for me to just jump into that. [OOP feels that he should face no repercussions and whines:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jat70k9/) But I don't understand what she gains from telling people about it. I'm going to be a better person and not do this again, but it isn't going to help if everybody knows what I did. I won't say anything to her but I wish she would just let it go. *Commenters tell OOP he deserves the reactions he is getting from the wider friend circle and that the girl is warning other girls of his behavior and general creepiness.* [OOP states:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jatqx8y/) I feel awful that I made her feel bad, but given my situation all I can think about right now is how to get through this. I wanted to test the waters and maybe go from fwb into a relationship if it went well. I was an idiot for thinking that but that's what my thoughts were at the time. She won't talk to me anymore but I empathize with how she's feeling and wish I had never said that to her. But why is it wrong to be concerned about my chances with other girls? I'm genuinely trying to learn from this and I understand everything you've said except this part. It seems like a natural thing to be worried about but I understand I have to learn from this and change myself to be better. [And keeps trying to be the victim:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jatvg3x/) I would just from her reaction alone. I don't think its ok for other people to hear about a private matter but I understand why she's doing it. *Since OOP keeps insisting the girl telling other girls about his actions is ruining his chances with these other girls, some commenters are confident that OOP has never had any experience with other women before.* [OOP confirms:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jay4bdz/) I haven't had sex but I took a girl to prom in high school. *After so many commenters telling OOP how and where he went wrong, OOP still makes the whole thing about himself and still doesn't get it.* [OOP says:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11hdu7s/comment/jau0a0t/) Yes I know that but she could have kept my name anonymous and still gotten support by explaining the situation to her friends. That's not what happened and I know I deserve it but I still don't like having random people confronting me about this.

red_earaches

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11of65g/i_21m_asked_my_friend_21f_to_be_fwb_and_now_she/

11of65g

AITA for defending my co-worker after our boss gave her nba tickets?

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Originally posted by u/tsuper-dog in r/AmItheAsshole on March 4, '23, Updated as an edit. Trigger Warning: >!Sexual harassment!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11hsy6z/aita_for_defending_my_coworker_after_our_boss/) AITA for defending my co-worker after our boss gave her nba tickets? I work at a restaurant as a line cook. There’s a waitress named Alyssa. Alyssa is a very attractive woman, and our boss hits on her a lot, and it’s really weird for 2 reasons. First of all, I’m pretty sure she has autism, so his remarks go right over her head. Like once he said “you look great when you wipe the tables down” and stared at her ass, and she said “thanks” once she said “registers are closed is there anything else you need me to do?” And he said “oh I can think of a few things” and she said “oh, it’s not my turn to mop it’s Jessie’s” (another waitress) The other reason it’s weird is because Alyssa is married and 24 years old. Our boss is 46. Her husband is a cool guy too. She doesn’t work much anymore but every week or so when she does him and their baby will come in and get dinner. He also picks her up because she doesn’t drive I don’t think, so sometimes while he’s waiting for her getting a beer or something I’ll talk to him. He’s pretty chill, she seems like she’s well taken care of. So the lakers were in town lately and often Alyssa will wear a lakers shirt. When there’s a big basketball game she’ll wear a lakers jersey. She’s mentioned her and her husband are big lakers fans. Our boss has season tickets to our local team and gave her 2 tickets to the game. I’m pretty sure he expected to go with her, but she (obviously) brought the tickets home and went with her husband. I’m pretty sure it was My boss was complaining about it calling that really rude and inconsiderate, I said “I don’t know she’s a married woman, why would she go to a basketball game with another man?” And he said “I thought it was pretty fucking obvious it was something for me and her not her husband” and I said “so you thought a happily married woman, who is a loyal wife, would go on a date with someone over 20 years older than her?” And I thought he’d laugh with me but he actually got really mad and sent me home. I’m planning on putting my 2 weeks in. I also plan on telling her husband about the boss’ remarks about her. I’ve only spoken to him twice but he seems like a smart guy and will know what to do. Maybe this wasn’t my buissness, though, and I should’ve just not said anything? AITA? *In the comments:* >I’m 99 % certain the hubby comes to work to make wifey feel safe, not to hang around with her while she works. Clearly they all know her boss is a creep. OP: I think he suspects something, and she doesn’t. She’s one of those people who only works as a hobby, she only has one shift a week nowadays. they seem financially well off, she has a huge wedding ring and husband drives a pretty sick car. I know she enjoys waiting tables and she gets really excited when her husband shows up. Husband usually comes in an hour before she gets off, with the baby, gets some dinner and watches the game or something. - I don’t think she’s playing it. When I speak to her it’s obvious she’s a very nice woman but she’s not “all there,” and it’s never changed. She’s worked here since she was 16 back when her husband was her boyfriend. Sometimes when I explain things, like where a certain dish goes for a table, she just doesn’t understand, and she’s one of those people where you feel bad about it because she’s so nice. - That’s the thing, she doesn’t need this job (at least I don’t think) She only works one night a week, and has a huge wedding ring, LV bag, and husband definitely seems to have figured out the best way to communicate to her I’ve tried to talk to her sometimes about which tables need what and sometimes she gets overwhelmed and says “I’m sorry I’m really sorry I just don’t remember” I’ve asked her about simple table requests and she just doesn’t understand what I’m saying. Like “that NY strip to table 23, how did they want that cooked?” And she just said “I’m sorry, I don’t understand” and I’ll send the busser to do that stuff. Not to mention, she doesn’t have a drivers licence. Idk why, but I’ve talked to the husband twice while he was at the bar watching the game waiting to pick her up and he just casually mentioned in conversation “Yeah, Alyssa doesn’t have her licence yet, so the driving is all on me, which I don’t mind” - *post edits:* Edit: I would like to mention, I’m 100% positive she has no clue about the boss’ remarks. There are times I’ve tried to ask her about table needs and she just doesn’t understand. Her husband is also well off and this is not a job she needs at all. She has a huge wedding ring and her husband drives a bmw m4, plus she’s only here one half shift a week. I have been asking around for the husbands number to try and talk to him about it, but yeah I’ve gotten confirmation from an assistant manager she does in fact have autism. She is a very attractive woman though, I think it’s possible the boss knows she isn’t getting it and just gets a kick out of saying it anyway, and to me that’s even more scummy. **Update** - I got the husbands info and was able to call him and let him know the situation. Turns out he had no clue about this, and she also had no clue (which I suspected) and thanked him for letting him know. I don’t think his wife will ever be returning for work. I also have an interview at a new restaurant as a line cook on Thursday. F this place. *Flairing this concluded as OOP thinks his coworker is quitting and he is also planning to quit asap* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ofe0g/aita_for_defending_my_coworker_after_our_boss/

11ofe0g

desperately need advice for my daughter

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Fun fact for spoiler space: Many other horned dinosaurs are known to have lived in herds because of a fossil find of many different individuals at the same location. By moving in herds, prey animals can warn each other of danger and lessen their chances of being singled out by a predator. However, *Triceratops* was unusual in this respect, as their remains are usually found individually, suggesting they may have spent much of their lives alone. [https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/dino-directory/triceratops.html](https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/dino-directory/triceratops.html) * I am NOT OP. Original post from [r/parenting](https://www.reddit.com/r/parenting) by a deleted user * Trigger warning: >!Mention of parent death, blended family issue!< * Mood Spoiler ->!positive in the end!< * Lightly edited by OP for clarity. [desperately need advice for my daughter](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/pozve2/desperately_need_advice_for_my_daughter/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- September 15, 2021 Coming here because I really need advice. \[When my daughter was two months old, my boyfriend, who was her father, passed away\]. When my daughter was almost 3, I married my current husband. We have 2 sons and a daughter together. My daughter calls my husband dad and he has always treated her like she was one of his own. He always tells me that he fell in love with her first. The kids have been raised as “full” siblings. my kids are now Maria (16f), John (13m), Scott ( 12m) and Nina (10f). Maria and John got into an argument and it escalated. John ended up telling her that she wasn’t really a part of the family, because my husband wasn’t her dad and that they aren’t real siblings. He also talked about how she had a different last name. He also said that my husband loves her less. My husband and I are furious with him and don’t know how punish him. We’ve repeatedly told her that it wasn’t true, and my husband has tried to spend one and one time with her. She’s been in tears and is shutting down and is not really speaking to any of us. When she cried last night, she told us that she googled if stepparents could love their step kids as much as their bio kids and told us that all the stepparents said no and acted like the kids were a burden. Please help me help her convince her that none of this is true in our family and that she is my husbands daughter who he loves unconditionally. My husband is also at a loss Any advice on how to deal with my son will also be appreciated. Thank you &#x200B; Relevant comment and answer: >Have you not thought of adoption? we have. She said she feels bad because her dad died. We can maybe hyphenate her name? \---------------------- The next day, the user returned with an update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/ppgigm/update\_desperately\_need\_advice\_for\_my\_daughter/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/ppgigm/update_desperately_need_advice_for_my_daughter/) Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. Last night, my daughter was in tears again, so both her dad and I went to snuggle with her. He told her that he loved her very much and that she was his child, and that he wished he got to meet her sooner. He said he has never viewed her any different than the younger three kids. He told her that she was one the best things that ever happened to him, and that he was so proud to be her dad. He asked to adopt her and told her that no matter her response, his feelings to her would never change. She is feeling better. She said yes to the adoption! She is still deciding if she wants to keep her current last name as a second middle name or hyphenate. My husband is overjoyed that it is finally official! He is taking her out to dinner tomorrow to celebrate, and the rest of us will be prepping for a surprise party for the family! As for my son, we told him that we are deeply offended by what he said, and that he should feel lucky to have such a good big sister. he said that he didn't mean it, and was mad that she is the favorite because she gets to do more stuff. We told him that we have no favorites and that when he is older, he would have more freedom too. Maria and John hugged and made up too, and John said he was sorry and that she was the best big sister. Thank you everyone once again!

frieden7

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11otyg3/desperately_need_advice_for_my_daughter/

11otyg3

I [24F] am dating a [25M] almost unreasonably picky eater and I'm pretty much at the end of my rope

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/crowtheory **I [24F] am dating a [25M] almost unreasonably picky eater and I'm pretty much at the end of my rope** Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Trigger warning:>!talk of alcoholism, eating disorder, emotional abuse & blackmail!< [Original Post - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c3ev1n/i_24f_am_dating_a_25m_an_almost_unreasonably/)  June 21, 2019 TL;DR: My partner exclusively eats pizza. ​ I [24F] met Jake [25M] about two years ago while out and bonding over the fact that we graduated from the same college. We went on a couple dates and were getting to know each other when he let me know that he had more or less eaten pizza every day for the past three years. I didn't love the idea but I thought he was pretty cool besides that and figured it was just a little quirk he had that he was, exaggerating and that the dude just really liked pizza. ​ He was not. ​ He eats it every single day without fail. Each time we go out, it has to be pizza and after a few fights here and there, it's been pretty much an unspoken understanding that when we go out we will be getting pizza. Also, it's not just ANY pizza, he's even picky about his pizza. He'll make us go to a few totally inconvenient pizza places that requires a subway ride trip and is far from where either of us live. We live in NYC and I'm sure most of you know you pretty much can't pass a single block without stumbling upon a pizza place, so it's not like these places are our ONLY options. ​ I can name all the foods he eats on both my hands. All are simple carbohydrates, but pizza is his absolute favorite. The others he'll just settle to eat if pizza is not immediately available. No vegetables, no fruit, no protein, whatsoever. He absolutely refuses to even try them despite never trying most of them before. ​ I've tried to gently push his boundaries, but it always fails and the one time we went somewhere I wanted to go he pouted the entire time and ordered french fries. He's promised to be more open and that this pizza thing won't be forever, but that it's working for him now (whatever that means.) He claims to be high functioning on the spectrum which honestly, I'm not totally convinced of but that's another story, and that's why he can only eat pizza. This made me more cautious of discussing my issues with his diet because I know how easily he can claim I'm insensitive to his disability and that it's something he truly cannot help, and he has. I do firmly believe he has some sort of avoidant eating disorder, that is clearly not debatable. ​ I've more or less dropped it because it always starts a fight, but the resentment is still there. Something I wasn't totally sold on when we first met but convinced myself was a small quirk is turning into genuine disgust and bitterness towards him and his unwillingness. I guess he thought I got over it since I stopped bringing it up as much, and he informed me of his plan to stop eating pizza everyday after 10,000 consecutive days of eating pizza. To do the math for you, that's roughly around 2040 factoring in the days he's already gained. He's going to document it on his instagram story and show everybody his "streak." ​ He seemed so proud of this idea and commitment and I'm genuinely stunned. He thinks this is just some interesting, cute little tidbit about him that people will support because "he's such an offbeat guy." I could not believe what I was hearing. Taking away the inconvenience of ALWAYS having to eat where he wants to eat, not being able to cook for us, me being bored stupid over eating the same shit every time, it's simply not healthy. He claims because he's outwardly fit it's not a big deal, but I disagree. ​ I was sort of putting up with the whole pizza thing at first but upon this announcement, I don't know if I can I deal with this much longer. It's inconvenient, it's unhealthy, and in my opinion it's selfish. Everybody you go to eat out with has to cater to a single person's self imposed dietary restrictions. He's going to Germany with his family for vacation and he's already mapped out the available pizza places he can eat at (german pizza over authentic german cuisine?!). It very well could be something he can't help, and he has claimed to be getting help through therapy with it but I'm seeing no progress and honestly I don't think he wants to and only says he's working on it to placate me. He talks about having a future with me and having kids, and there's no way I would even consider that if he continues to commit to this streak, for the fear of setting a bad example for our children's eating habits. ​ We don't live together and only see each other about three times a week and the pizza thing is driving me crazy. He proposed moving in together and I immediately shot that down for the time being. If I can barely handle it now I know living together would only amplify it. ​ I've tried gently coaxing, I've tried showing him studies on how his diet affects his life and sets back the fitness goals he's always complaining about never reaching, I've tried fighting and anger only to be told I'm an asshole because I need to accept him as he is and that he can't help it. Maybe he is right. I have to accept it or I have to move on, and at this point I truly don't think I can. He's great in almost every other way except for this. I feel guilty for letting it go on this long when it bothered me from the very beginning, but I can't change that now. ​ Do I concede and let him eat whatever he wants as he's a grown man? Should I draw this boundary and continue to push him to push himself and give an ultimatum? Or do I just need to throw in the towel at this point and move on with my life? ​ Never thought I'd get so stressed out over pizza ffs ugh. [Update - recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c88ium/update_i_24f_am_dating_a_25m_almost_unreasonably/)  July 2, 2019 ​ This update is way more dramatic and unpleasant than I had hoped but it is what it is. I read what you all wrote and I appreciate all the comments left for me. Despite a few outlandish ones, they were all very helpful and reaffirming of my beliefs that I’m not being nit picky about this issue. I decided to give it one last shot at broaching this issue with him and letting him know how serious it was to me. He needed help and so long as I saw that he was trying that was all I asked for. We were out to dinner (I’m sure you can all guess what we had to eat) when he brought up his trip to Germany and how he would have to find a supermarket stat in order to stock up on frozen pizzas to keep his “streak going.” I was hoping to do it after the trip so as not to ruin his good time but I figured now was as good a time as any: Me: Maybe you don’t have to continue to the streak. Maybe you can just try new German cuisine without worrying about having to get pizza into your diet the entire time. Have you talked with your therapist about your avoidant eating? J: No way. I have people depending on me to continue this streak. I don’t want to let them down. Me: I don’t think anybody really cares about this streak as much as you do and frankly, I’m worried about you. This is really unhealthy and it’s consuming your life. You’re about to go on this incredible trip to Germany and the forefront of your mind is to get to a grocery store to pick up frozen pizzas. I think you really need to discuss this with your therapist again. We had a back and forth the rest of our meal about his diet and how it was affecting our relationship. He doesn’t think it’s a problem because his health is fine (keep in mind he’s only 25) and how I was being a busy body and needed to mind my own business. I let him know how this IS my business because it affects me. We can only go out to eat one thing, we can never have a meal at home together, and if we did decide to move forth and have children the example he is setting is awful. We let the issue go for the rest of dinner not wanting to escalate it, and ate in silence. The plan after was to go back to his place where I would spend the night. The entire trip home he was silent but very obviously simmering while I wished I had just gone home. I should have gone home. I guess I didn’t expect the shitstorm that waited when I got to his place. He flipped. He began screaming how he was so sick of me bringing this up and how it was his life and how I couldn’t control what he did or ate. I told him I cared about him and his health and wanted him to recognize what he was doing was not healthy. I ultimately agreed that he was right, I couldn’t control what he did or what he ate, but he can’t expect that I stick around and watch and enable him like I had been doing in the past. It escalated from there how he had been there for me the entire time when I was an active alcoholic and through my relapses. I could not and still cannot dispute that. He was. I guess the only difference between him and I is that I wanted to change. I acknowledged the issue and knew I could not go on like this any longer. Obviously though, it is much quicker to see the downfall of someone suffering from alcoholism vs someone who is suffering from this kind of eating disorder. One spirals much faster than the other so I was able to recognize it much quicker. I told him I was going to leave because I couldn’t deal with this anymore. We kept fighting and fighting and he let me know he would “expose” me. He has a blog and he told me how he would write one about what it was to live with an alcoholic and use my name. He would be sharing it on facebook. I completely panicked. I cried and begged that he didn’t use my most vulnerable moments against me. He told me if I walked out he absolutely would. That was all I needed to hear. He was going to blackmail me. I think this snapped me awake to realize this isn’t love. If I leave he’s going to humiliate me on the internet to get back at me, that absolutely isn't love. So I left. I don’t have many possessions there but he can keep them for all I care. He emailed me a draft of the post (blocked him on everything else) and the subject was “last chance.” Let him post it. Fuck it. I can’t control other people I can only control myself and how I react. I deactivated all my social media and I’m ready to move on with my life. It hurts that somebody I trusted so much would explicitly broadcast my past, but it’s a learning lesson. Thank you all for reading. EDIT: I’m a total hot head and need to relax. Crazy defensive right now and wondering if I did the right thing. I apologize for lashing out. **OOP HAS UPDATED/COMMENTED IN THE THREAD** [OOP's short update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11p1ucg/i_24f_am_dating_a_25m_almost_unreasonably_picky/jbye8ol?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) March 12, 2023 Lol this is me! Update: he was all talk, no follow through on the blackmail. Blocked his ass on everything that night, without warning or explanation. Never looked back. Almost 4 years now no contact, couldn’t be happier. Good riddance. Did I ever mention he threatened to kill himself every time I threatened breaking up too? Good times, good times. [comment 2 concerning the EX- BF streak](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11p1ucg/i_24f_am_dating_a_25m_almost_unreasonably_picky/jbyf8d2?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) March 12, 2023 I’d have no idea. I ghosted him not long after this happened. My guess is probably, yeah. I don’t think this was necessarily about wanting to commit to the streak just because he wanted to. I think it was an excuse he was using to justify his refusal to eat other foods with the distinct bonus of getting other people’s attention which he was a slave for. Worst relationship of my life, should have never let it go on for as long as it did. [Comment 3 on the ex](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11p1ucg/i_24f_am_dating_a_25m_almost_unreasonably_picky/jbyyrmg?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) March 12, 2023 Last I heard he moved to LA. He attempted contact twice. Once tried from a burner account on Snapchat and the other was via Venmo LOL. Eventually got the message it wasn’t happening. No, he never followed through on his threat although I don’t think that was out of a kindness to me, in hindsight I don’t think he ever planned on doing it. Just empty threats out of desperation to get me to stay with him. This dude had some serious issues and I have no desire to ever see or hear from him again. [Comment 4 on the EX-BF's pizza preferences](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11p1ucg/i_24f_am_dating_a_25m_almost_unreasonably_picky/jbzvzkw?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) March 12, 2023 It wasn’t so much the toppings that he wanted but like the way a specific pizza is made. Like some pizzerias use different crusts, different sauces, and he peculiarly liked the crust and sauce at this one place. From what I remember he liked cheese, pepperoni here and there, but mostly cheese. Boring. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11p1ucg/i_24f_am_dating_a_25m_almost_unreasonably_picky/

11p1ucg

AITA for no longer bringing dinner for my wife after she claimed I never cook?

REPOST

**I am not the OOP. I don't recall seeing this posted before, apologies if it has been!** [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s41onb/aita_for_no_longer_bringing_dinner_for_my_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/ThrowRAdinnerstrike posted Jan 14 2022 AITA for no longer bringing dinner for my wife after she claimed I never cook? I work at a nice restaurant as a cook and everyday when I get off from work I always cook dinner for my wife and our 2 kids (8M and 6F) at the restaurant before coming home. The only time I don’t cook for them are on weekends when I’m off and that’s when my wife does the cooking. We usually trade off who makes breakfast and luck for the kids every other day but for the week I’m always the one bringing home dinner. Weekends we sometimes get together with friends and they come over to the house. My wife usually cooks and I help set the table/clean afterwards. One of her friends “Stacy” asked how come I never do any of the cooking and is it always on my wife all the time making meals for the kids, especially when I’m a cook myself. Instead of correcting her she sort of laughed and went along with it making jokes about “you know how it is.” And Stacy laughed because her ex husband was the same way. And then sort of ripped on me in a “joking” way how i better buck up before I become an ex too. My wife just said well let’s see if he actually listens and starts cooking for once. Joking about all the time I spend in the kitchen at work but won’t do the same at home. It really pissed me off. I’m not the husband that just doesn’t do anything after I’m home from work. I cook food for her and the kids at work AND on top of that I make separate dishes for each of them (what she wants and what the kids want). All that after standing on my feet all day. We talked about it once they left because I don’t appreciate being told I’m not doing something she knows for a fact I do. She didn’t want to apologize for it because it was all just to be a funny joke. Even after telling her about how it hurt my feelings being put down like that. My wife said she felt like she has to go along with the joke so there wouldn’t be any awkward vibes (whatever that means). But I said fine if she can’t apologize for something that was mean just so she could laugh along with her friends then I won’t keep doing something she already claims I don’t do. For the past week I’ve only brought home dinner for our kids and she’s had to make her own food. She’s mad that I’m refusing to feed her over what happened instead of letting it go but I can’t help but feel mad about being made fun of like that when I’m busting my ass to provide for my family and still making sure they have food on the table every evening. She just thinks I’m an asshole for how I’m reacting when she’s already tired at the end of the day but still having to make food for herself . AITA? *OOP IS VOTED NTA* UPDATE: AITA for no longer bringing dinner for my wife after she claimed I never cook? [Link to Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sxbjdy/update_aita_for_no_longer_bringing_dinner_for_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) Posted Feb 20 2022 At first wasn’t going to post another update but since things have gotten better why not? I didn’t show my wife this post like some suggested until a few days later but before that she wanted to talk before bed. And she apologized for how she’s been behaving with me, when she made those jokes and let her friend say things about me, then how she was acting afterwards. In reality she knew she did wrong but when I called her out it made her defensive and she realizes how she was acting like a child after knowing how much I do for our family. That’s when I showed her the post. And opened up about something that was mentioned by me in my comments, how it really hit a nerve for me making it seem like I’m a lousy father/husband when my dad was exactly that (he abandoned me and my mom). She knows how important it is for me to be as involved as possible when our kids were born because I never wanted to be like him. So her making it seem like that’s how I am brought up some feelings. Telling her this really made her feel like she fucked up big time. She wouldn’t stop apologizing, she promised she’d never put me down that way. And honestly? I think she’s shown that she meant her apology. For a week she wanted to be the one making dinner for everyone so I’d have some time to relax after work. It was nice but also missed making meals for my family. Cooking for my kids is my own way of expressing my love for them so we’re back to that as well. I feel like my wife has more than shown how sorry she is and appreciates what I also do for this family. Last time we had lunch with her friend a few days ago on my day off she even brought it up. As mad as I was when it happened it’s nice to see she’s made an effort to make amends. The support I got here from here was very sweet, appreciate feeling heard when it felt like my wife wasn’t at the time.

KimchiAndMayo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11pn4in/aita_for_no_longer_bringing_dinner_for_my_wife/

11pn4in

AITA For Not Wanting To Pretend To Be My Twin On Her Wedding Day?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/external_love_7071 in r/AmItheAsshole on March 3, '23, updated March 5th. *The original was removed so OOP included it in her Update link* [Original and Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/External_Love_7071/comments/11jkiom/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_pretend_to_be_my/) AITA For Not Wanting To Pretend To Be My Twin On Her Wedding Day? **ORIGINAL POST** I (30f) have an identical twin sister and for the purposes of anonymity I'll call her "Jess." Jess and I look so much alike it can be freaky. At one point when we were still infants they had to draw a little dot at the bottom of one of our feet just so they could keep track of who was who for medical reasons. My mom adored the fact that Jess and I were her cute baby twin girls and treated us as precious dolls who she would frequently dress alike and always make us do things together. At first I didn't mind it at all because, well, it was my normal and I do genuinely love my sister but when we started getting older and I developed my own interests I would get so frustrated or upset when I either couldn't do something because Jess didn't want to or the only way that I could do it was if Jess could come with me and vice versa. It sucked because despite our appearances, Jess was the more extroverted twin who liked to go to parties and do sports while I was introverted and artistic. I was always made to do what Jess wanted to do because me not wanting to be so social was seen as "bad" and the only way that Jess would agree to do/endure my hobbies was if I did her homework or chores. When my parents were divorcing I was over the moon when my dad agreed to let me live with him in another state, and Jess didn't want to move away from all her friends. My mom cried when I had to tell her I didn't want to live with her and Jess accused me of hating them. This really wrecked me emotionally and I almost caved but my dad got me into therapy who helped me gather the courage to just leave. I never really did shake off the guilt until around senior year of high school but I never once regretted my choice because of how liberating I felt by getting to just be me. I was slowly able to repair my relationship with my mom and Jess, but Jess and I were never as close as we used to be and I was honestly fine with that. Fast forward to adulthood and Jess is engaged to her boyfriend "Steve" (36m) and their wedding is set for this Spring. Unfortunately Jess was recently in a bad accident and her face is going to need to get cosmetic surgery. She has been crying on-and-off for days over this because there's no way she'll be healed up in time for the wedding. My mom, Steve, and I have been trying to console her but it's not enough. Earlier this week my mom approached me with the idea of dressing up as Jess and pretending to be her for the ceremony and reception so the pictures will look nice. I was floored and gave a hesitant "No" because while I do know that this would mean a lot to my sister I just feel really uncomfortable about it. My mom was upset with me and said that it wasn't a big deal, it was just for the pictures, and asked me if I really wanted to make it so that Jess would have to be reminded of her trauma whenever she had to look at her wedding photos or just not have any photos at all? AITA? ETA: Okay because I've already seen this in two other comments I just wanted to be clear about some things... 1. Jess and Steve's wedding is book at their dream venue and if they postpone (which is in about three weeks) they won't be able to book it again until around 2025, and families on both sides from coming in from out-of-state. 2. Apparently between the wedding costs and needing to save up for the cosmetic surgery Steve and Jess don't have the money to pay for professional photoshop. 3. We live in America and as far as I know since Jess' surgery is purely for cosmetic purposes Health Insurance may not cover it, if any at all. 4. My mom was the only one who actually approached me about this so I don't know for sure if Jess (and Steve) know about this idea, and I'm honestly a little of actually talking to them about this in case they're onboard and start to pressure me into agreeing. ETA 2: Sorry for not clarifying. What my mom is proposing that I do is that I wear Jess' wedding dress and she wears whatever I was going to wear and then I just stand in her for when it's time to walk down the aisle, do the entrance at the reception, first dance, bouquet toss, and photo time. I wouldn't actually be doing the vows. **UPDATE:** Thanks for all your advice and suggestions as well as affirmation that I have the right to say "No." Still dealing with residual guilt about refusing to do things for my mom. So I reached out to Steve first about suggesting photoshop and turns out he and Jess were already considering that before deciding to just postpone the wedding as Jess is dealing with PTSD from the accident and doesn't believe that she is going to be able to handle the stress of a wedding in three weeks. I was so relieved and told Steve that I would be more than happy to help with getting the word out to people that the wedding wasn't happening right now. For the sake of peace and Jess' mental health I've decided to keep what my mom said about using me as a replacement for the wedding photos to myself for now. Jess is really going through a lot and I feel like this would be like rubbing salt in the wound. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11q6af3/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pretend_to_be_my_twin_on/

11q6af3

Ex Wife is having a funeral for our daughter's assaulter

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/ibelieveinigloos in r/TrueOffMyChest on Dec 10, '22, updated Dec 16th and March 6, '23. Cat Fact to cover spoilers: Sailors have been taking cats to sea for thousands of years. "Ship's Cats" were used to control rodents, which could cause damage to ropes, woodwork, and more recently, electrical wiring. They are also a source of disease, which is dangerous for the sailors, and cats naturally attack and kill rodents. In addition, they offer companionship and a sense of home, security and camaraderie to sailors away from home. Trigger Warning: >!sexual abuse, rape resulting in pregnancy of a minor, child abuse/neglect!< [1st Post Dec 10](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/zi57ey/im_angry_i_wasnt_in_time_to_off_my_kids_stepdad/) I'm angry I wasn't in time to off my kids stepdad Forgive me, but I literally have only had the facts for an hour. I have a bad custody agreement with my ex. I broke the law a few years ago and was given 5 years of probation. During this duration, our custody agreement gives me alternative weekends with my two daughters 14 and 10. Almost two years ago, my oldest stopped coming for her weekend visits I tried to force the issue, but allowed her the concession as I thought it was a phase that would pass. Flash forward to this past Wednesday when I confirmed that I'd be picking up my 10yo at least. My ex confirmed and just casually dropped the knowledge that her husband had "died". I sent my condolences and told her if there was anything she needed to let me know. So you can imagine my shock when my 10yo proceeded to explain the circumstances that led to her stepfather's death. It's as bad as you can imagine. My 14yo apparently told her 8th grade boyfriend about the sexual abuse that had been going on from her stepfather. God bless the young man for telling his parents, who in turn called the police. After being questioned by the police, my daughter told them everything and they went to arrest the stepfather. He then took his own life rather than face the authorities. I knew none of these events until it was relayed to me from my not quite 11 year old. I'm so angry that my ex did not let me know what was happening. But I'm more angry that the piece of trash killed himself before I got the chance to do it to him. I don't know what to do now. I'm a very good father to my 10yo and now I feel like my older daughter has been manipulated into seeing me as evil the last couple of years. I just have so much anger right now. [2nd Post Dec 16](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/znf74d/ex_wife_is_having_a_funeral_for_our_daughters/) Ex Wife is having a funeral for our daughter's assaulter I'm beyond pissed off today. My ex-wife is having a funeral for her husband today. A man that sexually assaulted my daughter all of 2022 after having groomed her for the last 2 years. The guy was guilty, my daughter (14) finally found the strength to confide in a friend who called the cops. CPS and the sheriff's department both did forensic interviews and believed her to be credible. Prior to arrest, the guy killed himself rather than face judgement. I'm glad he's dead but wanted to see his face on the news and in court. So to skip over a lot of the aftermath, my ex-wife, who, as a Stepford wife, cares more about appearances that everything is cookie cutter and normal, is going through with a funeral for the POS. She refuses to acknowledge that anything is wrong and has legitimately told me that I'm making it more than it was. Every part of me wants to show up at the funeral yell in front of all his clueless friends and family about how he was a child rapist and kick over the casket. I even looked for groups that could protest outside the thing. I'm just so lost and angry. [3rd Post March 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11k9f6p/update_ex_wife_is_having_a_funeral_for_our/) Hello all. I want to thank everyone for reaching out and the encouragement. I wanted to give you a small update on the events since my last post. So my ex wife did end up having the funeral for her husband. My girls were in attendance as their mother demanded even though it had been explained to me that they were going to have the option of attending. Despite my every desire to appear and ruin everything, I chose not too. I did however alert several advocacy groups and they in turn blew up the funeral home's website obituaries to the point that they stopped allowing posts for the assaulter. In the months since however, I have fortunately had some positive happenings in my life. Despite what was seemingly overwhelming evidence, my attempt at emergency custody was denied by the family court. (There are still so many judges that are very anti-father.) Even with this setback however, my oldest daughter has returned to my life. I've gotten to spend time with her every other weekend since at her choice. She has shared her last 3 years with me and it has been heartbreaking. On top of the sexual abuse, there was a pregnancy that was terminated, 2 suicide attempts and hospitalizations, and a police investigation of the circulation of her photos amongst "collectors". All of these circumstances were hidden from me and not disclosed or acknowleged by my ex. (Despite all of this, the judge still supports keeping the girls in her custody.) My daughters are both getting therapy and counseling, the oldest because of the events and the younger due to her neglect although my ex swears that she's fine and doesn;'t really need it. But she is delusional. Karma has a way of turning out though as my EX is being sued by her late husband's children and former employer over theft and forgery. I have decided and will maintain the mantra that I don't care what my ex is doing in her personal life, but will only get involved when it directly concerns the well being of my daughters. So in that regard, it has been a struggle, yet I'm rebuilding a fragile relationship and we've actually bonded over shared trauma. I have a small suspicion and self doubt right now about her, but I'm going to try and remain hopeful. Thanks again and I will update again in the future as my fight is not over.

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11qap98/ex_wife_is_having_a_funeral_for_our_daughters/

11qap98

TIFU By telling my parents I was gay to avoid their arranged marriage proposals

CONCLUDED

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/ArrMarriageAvoidance **in** r/tifu Mood Spoiler: >!Unexpectedly Wholesome!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/11kcflm/tifu_by_telling_my_parents_i_was_gay_to_avoid/) \- Feb. 15, 2023 **TIFU By telling my parents I was gay to avoid their arranged marriage proposals** So I'm pretty straight, maybe slightly bi if we count femboys. Let's get that out of the way first. I'm also an Indian American male around 26 years of age I'd also like to clear up some misconceptions around arranged marriage. A lot of non Indians seem to think it's literally your parents choose who you marry and that's that, but that's not really the case. Instead it's more like your parents tap their network to find potential partners for you, if you like each others pics then you guys meet in person and then you decide whether or not you want to get married. So basically your parents are Tinder and you get a meeting or two to decide whether or not you want to get married. It's not quite as bad as many of you think it is, but the whole process feels super rushed and I'd rather date someone before I figure out if we're compatible or not Anyways, my parents have recently been getting on my case about getting married. Apparently I'm getting older, need to settle down and give them grandchildren or something like that. Basically every time I see them (which is fairly often since they live close by) they have a new potential match for me, a picture of some new girl and ask me if I'd be willing to meet her. It's honestly super annoying, but I'm too non confrontational to really put my foot down and say "I don't want an arranged marriage", after all if I do there'd be an argument or at minimum some interrogation about why I don't want one. Anyways, I was thinking of ways I could get them to stop harassing me about getting married and the idea in the title popped up in my head. I decided it'd be a lot easier to just come out as gay then to explain why I didn't want an arranged marriage. My parents were fairly conservative but weren't the types to disown their kids, and if I just said I was gay I'd have a solid reason to not get an arranged marriage - I didn't like girls Soooooooooo that's what I ended up doing last time I was visiting. They were showing me pictures of some girl and I just looked them in the eyes and said "Mom, dad, I'm gay". They got really quiet and awkward and asked me if I was sure and I said yes. My mom told me they'd love me no matter what and to do what makes me happy. My dad was a lot more awkward and quiet but later gave me a similar talk about how he was a bit uncomfortable with the idea, but recognizes that times are changing and I should do what makes me happy. Overall I did feel kinda bad because of how genuinely my parents seemed to respond to me, but was happy with the result, they stopped giving me arranged marriage proposals and stopped showing me pictures of girls That is until last weekend. I visited them as usual and was greeted by my mom who was more excited than usual. She sat me down and pulled out a binder with a bunch of pictures of guys. Apparently my parents had spent the last month or so looking for any and all gay Hindu Indian men who I could potentially marry. So now I guess I'm dealing with the exact same shit but instead of being greeted with pictures of cute Indian girls I get to see pictures of gay Indian dudes instead. Fuck my life lol At this point the plan is to either find a girlfriend and tell my parents she totallllllllly turned me straight or maybe marry a twink or smthn idk TL;DR: Told my parents I was gay so they would stop pestering me with arranged marriage matches, start potential gay suitors instead \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/11kcflm/tifu_by_telling_my_parents_i_was_gay_to_avoid/) \- Mar. 6, 2023 **TIFU By telling my parents I was gay to avoid their arranged marriage proposals \[UPDATE\]** Hey everyone! I don't know if you remember me but [I'm the dude who came out as gay to avoid an arranged marriage](https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/113aclp/tifu_by_telling_my_parents_i_was_gay_to_avoid/) Anyways, I have an update for you guys! I read all the comments on the original post, from the people telling me to just tell my parents, questioning whether or not I was really straight, laughing at the admittedly fairly funny situation I'd gotten myself into and a couple of people who were straight up mean At the end of the day though posting here probably gave me the final push to do something. The weekend after I'd made the post, I visited my parents as always and resolved myself to tell them the truth. However when I got there my mom as always pushed the binder in my hands and I kinda lost my resolve to tell her. I decided to just play along It was then that I remembered the people on this thread who made fun of me for liking femboys and questioned whether or not I was really straight. I kinda took that to heart and decided to look at the binder of dudes in earnest to see if Iiked any of them. Tbh I'm really glad I did. Most of the dudes were unattractive as expected, but I found a dude on there who I legitimately think is cuter and more feminine than the vaaaaast majority of girls I've seen. I told my mom I liked him and she kinda joked around asking me what the point of being gay is when I wanted a dude who looked like a girl anyways 🗿 She talked to his parents, we had a meeting set up over Zoom and overall it went really well! Me and him have a bunch of common interests (we're both massive weebs and history nerds) and he also disclosed that he apparently crossdressed in private which only made me like him more In the end though we both decided we didn't want to rush into marriage and wanted to do a dating trial run of sorts. I told my parents and.... THEY WERE FINE WITH IT. My dad literally just told me that as long as we have marriage as an eventual goal and don't have sex before marriage they didn't mind if we dated... Y'all literally this whole shitshow could've been avoided lmfao (though I'm kinda glad it wasn't) Luckily he lived in the same state as me, but he was still a 3-4 hour drive away, so mostly we've just had discord calls and spent time together gaming for the past few weeks. This Saturday though we finally managed to meet up in person and have a date and honestlyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I think I'm kinda in love. Dudes cuter than any girl I've ever met but unlike most girls he's actually into the same things I am. Anyways we ended up having a great day out on Saturday and I ended up staying at his place over the weekend (though surprisingly I kept my promise to my dad and somehow avoided having sex lol) Anyways yeah I'm now back home and extremely happy with my decision to lie to my parents (then again is it really lying if it turned out to be true?). I really really do like him and will prolly ask him to marry me a couple months from now if nothing goes wrong. TL;DR - guess I really was gay all along \~\~\~ **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11qh9rd/tifu_by_telling_my_parents_i_was_gay_to_avoid/

11qh9rd

My wife (30F) suffers from extreme germophobia and anxiety. I (30M) take as many as 30 showers a week to ease her fear of infection. Our relationship is not sustainable and I need help.

INCONCLUSIVE

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Misofobeeuh  My wife (30F) suffers from extreme germophobia and anxiety. I (30M) take as many as 30 showers a week to ease her fear of infection. Our relationship is not sustainable and I need help. Originally posted to r/relationship_advice Trigger warning:>!mental illness, emotional abuse & mention of self harm!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/azwevy/my_wife_30f_suffers_from_extreme_germophobia_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 11, 2019 Hi, everyone. This will probably be lengthy as I have nobody in my life to talk to about this. This is as much an advice thread as it is a place for me vent and it feels good to air this out. My wife suffers from intense germophobia and anxiety. We have been together for 11 years and married for 8. She has not always been like this, she was relatively normal while we dated but it started to get worse after we got married. She previously worked at a hotel as a receptionist and was occasionally required to handle and wash guest towels. Well, she ended up contracting a staph infection and had to be hospitalized to have the infection drained. Following this, she had to be on antibiotics for 30 days. Ever since that experience, her anxiety and fear of infection has steadily grown over the years up until this point. We also have two children - 2 year old boy and 5 year old girl - and her tendencies affect them, also. The following list is my attempt at a comprehensive germ-prevention "Standard Operating Procedures" of our household: ​ • If I touch a light switch I need to wash my hands • If I touch a door knob I need to wash my hands • If I go to the garage I need to take a shower before I can sit down or do anything • If I touch her pajamas or I touch towels then I need to take a shower • If I even enter the guest bathroom then I have to take a shower • If my kids enter the guest bathroom they have to have a bath • I am not allowed to use her toilet in the master bathroom • She stops up her toilet everyday and requires me to plunge and clean it (she uses 3x as much TP as a regular person would). The cleaning process is 3 Chlorox wipes - one for the seat, one for under, and one to use to flush it with. I have to immediately shower after this. • If she spills excess water on the floor then I have to mop it and anywhere I walked to include the entire house if that is where I walked after stepping in the water. • She goes through entire loads of her pajamas daily just trying to change her clothes. Every time she uses the toilet, she has to change her clothes. She washes her hands and arms up to her elbows and then her face. If she gets water on her shirt, she will change it. If, when putting on her shirt she touches it to her body, she will change it. If her pants touch the floor when she is putting them on, she will change them. She discards the top shirts in her drawer every time she gets dressed. She uses 6-7 towels after a shower, discarding half of them because "they touched my chest." As you can see, this adds up and I end up folding laundry for 60-90 minutes everyday. This doesnt include the time it takes to actually change it out and take showers. • If I change out laundry and I graze the doorframe when I enter the bedroom with clothes, I have to discard ALL OF THEM. • If an article of clothing touches the edge of the bed, discard it. • If I even touch the dishwasher I have to wash my hands. • If she takes a shower and gets in the bed, she will NOT leave the bedroom or she considers herself dirty and would have to shower again. This means if she is hungry or thirsty I will bring it to her. • Her showers last around 40 minutes. She bathes 3-4 times and washes her hair 2 times. Our water bill is ridiculous. • If my son (2 YO) takes one step outside of his playpen then he has to have a bath before he can go in his bed. This includes naps. If I take him outside (even just for 1 minutes), he would need a bath before he can get in his bed. Not even changing his clothes would suffice. • When I clean the house (which I dont mind, btw. Cleaning your house is necessary), everything has to be done in a very specific order. No deviations from this order or it has to be re done. ​ • Change out laundry and leave washer free • Wash hands, face, and arms and change clothes • Sanitize all toys on floor and put away • Pick up all clothes and put in baskets • Sanitize all counters • Clean kids bathroom • Take out master bathroom trash, wash hands, replace bag • Take out kids trash, wash hands, replace bag • Take out kitchen trash, wash hands, replace bag • Clean guest bathroom, wash hands, take out trash, wash hands, replace bag • Take shower • Put bathroom rugs in washer • Take shower • Sweep entire house in a very specific order • Mop house in very specific order • Take shower I want to make this clear - I have no problem with cleaning but I often do something in the wrong order or forget to wash my hands and I get berated. My wife has little patience for mistakes that involve germs. Often, I have to clean the house late at night after the kids go to bed so I will be doing it after midnight. Of course I will make mistakes when I am mentally exhausted. ​ • If I bring her water, I have to wash my hands and then hold the cup over my head as it clears the kitchen counter. She thinks that if I hold her cup around my chest that it will touch the counter and be dirty. I do the same thing with plates and utensils. • If I have to discard a piece of clothing on the floor in her vicinity, she will change her clothes and get pissed. She thinks that the air created when the clothing hits the floor will blow bacteria all over her. This is perhaps the one that triggers me the most. • If my dog gets out, he has to have a bath before he can come back. He gets out often because she wont close the door. • My wife will not touch doorknobs. She uses her foot to close the door and she will just fucking leave it open over actually closing it - even when she leaves the house. • If I leave the house with my phone, I cannot bring it back into the house until I sanitize it. That includes washing the phone case with soap and water and then using alcohol on the phone. • No shoes on the in house, ever. I had contractors over a month ago and they wore shoes. I had to sanitize every object they touched, and mop TWICE where they walked. • Her depth perception is abysmal. We get in so many fights because she thinks that I touched her with a dirty object when I was halfway across the room. When she gets dressed, I half to watch her and verify that she doesnt touch her body with the outside of the shirt. Same with pants. • We never have people over because of her fear of infection. Plus, I am the one who has to clean and sanitize so I am reluctant to even mention hosting an event or having a party at the house. There is more things I have to deal with but I cannot remember every situation right now. The worst of it for me is the constant laundry (3-4 loads a day - sometimes more) and showers (4-5 showers a day). I have taken as many as 9 showers in one day and as many as 35 showers in one week. I wash my hands over 50 times a day. I have gotten to the point where I just pretend to take a shower or wash my hands if she isnt in the room. I fantasize about just being able to get through my day not feeling like a puppet on a string. I get no sleep (maybe 4-5 hours on average) and have almost no free time. And this is not because of my kids. You may be thinking, "dude, go to marriage counseling." We did that about two months ago. My dad may be the only person who really knows what I am going through he told me to be completely honest - hold nothing back. That is exactly what I did. I told the counselor everything that I just revealed to all of you. I have had this talk with my wife already but she says, "you can leave at anytime, if you cant handle it you dont have to be here." The counselor was speechless for a second but then began to address my wife and asking her if it was all true. My wife just shutdown and barely refused to acknowledge it. After the session, my wife got upset at me for "throwing her under the bus" and canceled all future sessions. I want to say one last thing. Before she went deep into this fear of infection, we had a great relationship. We loved each other and felt we were meant to be. I still love her and want it to work. I have been dealing with the worst of this for nearly 3 years now. I am physically and mentally exhausted. I have thought of leaving multiple times but I am afraid of how it will affect my kids. We also bought a huge house and invested sums of money into it that we would lose. My wife refuses to take medication for her anxiety (I dont blame her, most of it hasnt worked in the past). Has anyone ever been in situation similar to this? Thank you for taking the time to read and I appreciate any and all advice. TL;DR - My wife suffers from extreme germophobia and it severely complicates my life and my childrens' lives. ​ EDIT: I want to make something clear. My children take 1 bath a day (sometimes two). They dont do what I do - that is the one thing I absolutely fucking put my foot down on. But yeah, they need out of this situation asap. I talked to my wife a few minutes ago and let her know exactly how I feel - again. She broke down, as expected, and ended our conversation. When I get home we will continue to address this. RELEVANT COMMENTS OOP ON WHY HE IS AFRAID TO LEAVE >This is what I am primarily afraid of. I fear if I completely admonish her behavior that she will have a complete mental breakdown. She has rarely mentioned suicide because of how depressed she can get and I dont know what she is capable of. Just typing this out has made me realize that I have to stop this behavior and have someone intervene as soon as possible - for her sake. ___________________ >I have said no, multiple times. I have even packed my bags and left. But I always come back. I still long for the love we had before this began, but I fear it is gone and I am killing myself trying to find it again. >I am also scared to be a single parent. My job is demanding and my family lives out of state. But I love my kids and I will do what I have to do for them. OOP ON HIS CHILDREN AND THE CLEANING RULES >What is bizarre is that she doesnt. At least, not to the extent of myself and my wife. But it definitely isnt healthy and I have to talk to my daughter and help her realize that what I am doing isnt normal. I know that I need to get my kids out of this situation as it will damage them. I just need to get the courage to leave and stop enabling her. ___________________ >The kids generally take one bath a day. They dont do what I have to do. They are not completely immune, but they are definitely impressionable. I refuse to force them to do what I normally do and my wife and I generally agree on it. But that doesnt make sense, she will let them roll around on the living room but as soon as I lay on the floor? Im dirty. Her mind is complete insanity. In fact, I just called her to talk about this on the phone and she broke down and cried, then ended the conversation. I am going to stand firm and let her know that this will not continue. OOP EXPLAINING HIS WIFE'S CLEANING HABITS >She does clean - and intensely, at that. She will spend over an hour bleaching the garage every week. Sanitizing her car constantly. If she goes to the Dr? She cleans everything like Ebola is on it. She does clean, but she makes me do everything else. It really is impossible to convey properly. But yes, I am enabling her and it will end. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/c6898c/update_my_wife_30f_suffers_from_extreme/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  June 27, 2019 Its been awhile since my original post, but I didnt want to post until there was substantial progress. Since then, not much has improved. I decided to convince her to attend out patient behavioral therapy. To my surprise, she agreed and I was so happy. Unfortunately, she refused to attend the session last night and became violent and suicidal. I had no choice but to get the police involved and have her committed to in patient therapy. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I feel so broken right now. I'm going to see a counselor in hopes that I can figure out what to do. I dont know how long they are going to keep her in patient yet but I pray that she takes advantage of it because I still love her and I did this because I still do. I told myself I would stop enabling her, mainly because I just cannot sustain this life. I am physically and mentally exhausted. My kids are my top priority but I cant take care of them if I dont first take care of myself. I thank all of you who reached out to me on the original post and and recommended things to try. She was set to attend group cognitive behavioral therapy today and I hope that it will help her. Thanks for reading. RELEVANT COMMENTS [deleted] commented >I’m so sorry she reacted this way but so glad she’s getting help. >At least a couple of years ago or longer, a person wrote about their childhood with a mother with a similar issue. Laundry day was a nightmare, if an item touched something, everything started all over. It was onerous and back breaking. And the kids had to strip, wash and redress after putting the clothes in the wash. Every chore had elaborate steps and they were filled with fear they’d have to start over. This was their childhood. >I sincerely hope your wife can get the help she needs to conquer this. OOP replied >Yeah, I cannot let the kids live like that. All of this ends today. No matter what, I will do what I need to do to ensure they grow up safely. OOP ON HIS WIFE GETTING HELP WITH INPATIENT CARE >Thanks, she has tried to convince me that I am selfish and just did it so I could get rid of her but I did it for her. I know in my heart I did ___________________ >I visited her tonight, and it went well. She seems like she wants to get well but I will have to hold her to it. I could tell she was happy I visited her. I feel like that let her know that I really did do this for her. I drove 1.5 hours just to see her. >Going to try to take this one day at a time. I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11qqnls/my_wife_30f_suffers_from_extreme_germophobia_and/

11qqnls

AITA for wanting to report my doctor, who is my sister’s best friend, for telling her I'm on Vyvanse, a HIPAA violation?

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/jukeboxrocks in r/AmItheAsshole on Dec 16, '22, updated March 7, '23. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zno8vv/aita_for_wanting_to_report_my_doctor_who_also/) AITA for wanting to report my doctor, who also happens to be my sister’s lifelong best friend, for telling her I’m on vyvanse - a total HIPAA violation? My oldest sister’s lifelong best friend has been my doctor for a couple of years. Initially my doctor (Dr A) was a colleague of hers from the same clinic but after my doctor (Dr A) was away on maternity leave, I temporarily switched to my sister’s friend (Dr B) as my primary physician and it’s been that way since the pandemic began and I never switched back. I have ADHD and get prescription meds for it and have been for a few years now - something I haven’t shared with any of my family members for fear of backlash since I come from a long line of type A over achievers who don’t “believe in ADHD” and write it off as laziness. A few days ago, my siblings and I were hanging out at my sisters house watching the Matthew Perry - Diane Sawyer episode where he shares his history with substance about and I made a comment about how skinny he looked during one of the seasons of Friends. My sister then, out of nowhere, says to me, “well it started with prescription drugs so I hope you don’t get hooked!” I was instantly gripped with a feeling of absolute horror. My other siblings were confused and looking at her for further clarification but she didn’t say anything more. I spent the whole night just frozen and with a deep pit in my stomach. Later, when I found some time alone with her, I had to pry the information out of her. She had just gotten back from a girls ski trip and when they were extremely drunk, her friend (my Dr B) slipped up and mentioned that she saw me recently for an increase in my dosage and basically revealed to my sister that I have been taking prescription vyvanse for a few years now. I’m so livid, feel utter betrayal and have a strong urge to report her for breaking HIPAA regulations. My sister won’t stop texting and calling me about it, literally all day long, begging me not to ruin her friend’s life forever after years of hard work. She’s obviously worried about losing her friend but she couldn’t care less about how disrespected I feel and how my privacy was violated. And more than anything, I worry that my sister will share it with my parents and my family will never look at me or my achievements the same. ETA: A little more info. I’ve known Dr B my entire life, as long as my sister has - she was my sister’s friend since they were in first grade and they’ve remained close and we’ve hung out with our families on multiples occasions over the years. We’ve even gone on trips together including my sister’s bachelorette. I always looked up to her and found her cool growing up. She and my sister both have kids around the same age and they’re close as well. She currently brings in the bigger chunk of the income in their family and they rely on it and my sister keeps reminding me that I’m also ruining two innocent children’s lives in the process, which is the only thing I feel guilt about. I adore those kids and they don’t deserve that. But I also cannot get over how betrayed I feel. I always keep a safe distance between personal and professional relationships and would’ve never picked her to be my doctor had the circumstances not unfolded the way it did. She was the next best doctor and was the obvious choice because I wasn’t really looking to switch to a new clinic during the pandemic. [Update 3 months later](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jukeboxrocks/comments/11leyjd/update_aita_for_wanting_to_report_my_doctor_who/) Thank you for all the advice and support on my original post. After reading the feedback, I reached out to a close lawyer friend for advice as well. And he, like most of you, agreed that I should report it and to do it without informing anyone else. He said it was better for me to do it sooner to have it on record (they prefer any complaint to be filed within 180 days of when you knew that the act or omission complained of occurred). Two days after that I reported Dr.B to OCR for violating HIPAA and Patient Safety Act and breaching my fundamental right to health information privacy. I didn’t tell my sister or anyone else but a few days later, I saw my entire family when I went home for the holidays. I hadn’t heard anything back yet on my complaint so I wasn’t sure if Dr. B was aware yet let alone tell my sister that I had reported her so I didn’t say a word. Turns out that wasn’t my biggest issue at that moment, though. My sister had already told my parents that I was on “an extremely high dose of controlled substances”. I knew my parents wouldn’t take this news well, but they were far more upset about it than I could’ve imagined. My dad “doesn’t believe in ADHD” and thinks it’s merely an excuse for those that “allow themselves to get easily distracted especially since the age of social media”. He even remarked that he noticed I was “quite slow with my responses” since dropping out of my chess club. Really absurd and offensive comments. I can’t even remember a lot of it because I was frozen - I just sat there, nauseous and livid, with tears in my eyes, just listening to the three of them (my parents and sister) take turns going off at me. My mom wanted me to stop all medications immediately, that “I’m better than this and smarter than this” and even threatened to “tell your professors that you’re on drugs if you leave us with no choice”. But when she said that, it hit me. I had a choice. I could choose. I could choose to never have to deal with this again and to not let them treat me this way anymore. So I did. I chose to say nothing and allowed them to interpret my silence as agreeing and submitting to their ways as I have done so many times before. And then I went to my room, chose to book a flight and pack up most of my stuff (my books would need buses of their own to be transported anywhere). The next morning, I chose to call an uber a few hours before my flight, while they were still asleep, and flew back to my university. I chose me. In January, I found out that Dr.B had prior complaints from patients against her, and my report had opened an investigation (that is currently ongoing). She’s been placed on temporary leave till the case is resolved. I can’t share more details on that for now, but I will come back and update once it’s done. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11rm9by/aita_for_wanting_to_report_my_doctor_who_is_my/

11rm9by

My ex husband is upset I have “moved on” so quickly

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I am not The OOP,  OOP is u/ThrowRA12-34 My ex husband is upset I have “moved on” so quickly Originally posted to r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/rn91zl/deleted_by_user/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  Dec 24, 2021 I (f38)caught my ex husband (m41) having an affair the same week that I found out I was pregnant. The blow was devastating. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. should I get an abortion or Should I stay with him for the sake of my baby. I decided on getting a divorce and keeping my baby. Ex husband asked for a second chance but it just wouldn’t do so he moved out and in with his ap (f25) within the month. I also started a new job with better pay but more flexibility (now I’m becoming a single mother) but I had to work my butt off in the beginning to establish a good reputation before maternity leave. What I gave birth to my baby (f 1) I was back at work after 3 months. Being a single mom with career was not an easy task. I hardly slept or ate for the entire first year. I lost all my baby weight + 15 kilos more (thats 30 pounds for you guys☺️). My ex husband and I have shared custody, but since she’s still a baby we are waiting with the every other week arrangement until she’s 2. But he visits to see her 2-3 times a week. Mostly my mom or the nanny receive him. I just can’t bare seeing him so frequently, especially when he brings his ap (now fiancé) with him. The few times I me him he looked very oddly at me, asking if I had changed my hair or compliment my dress or something. Yesterday we had my baby’s first bday party. It was just the family and we held it at my ex in-laws. With me, ex, his fiancé, his sister and my parents. Ex husband was very irritated for some reason and just was there sulking the entire evening. After the cake his mother asked him why he’s acting like he did and he said “nothing!”. When I asked him if he was ok he flew at me. He started yelling, telling me that I was the one who broke us. If I didn’t let myself go and took care of myself half as much as I’m doing now nothing would have happened. Everyone was shocked and he stormed out in tears. I know what he said was a load of bullshit but it kept me thinking nonetheless. I have always been modest and rarely wore makeup. My style is basic black t-shirt and jeans but I would never say that I let myself go? I do look different now and wear dresses and more feminine clothes occasionally but I wasn’t aware that I have “started taking care of myself more”. I just feel happy and at peace with myself now and maybe unconsciously trying to look nice because I want to start dating again? I feel guilty that he thought I was neglecting him. If I was it was never intentional and besides, even if I have started taking care of my appearances now I couldn’t look 13 years younger 🤷🏻‍♀️ The advice I’m looking for is if I just should continue ignoring him or talk to him about his little tantrum. If I need to explain myself and how to move on from this. He’s staying in my life. I don’t want any of these tantrums thrown at me in the future RELEVANT COMMENTS nothanksandthensome  >"I just feel happy and at peace with myself now" >I don't know what you are looking for advice on here, but I believe this is your answer. >You don't give a lot of background information about your relationship with your ex-husband, but it honestly just sounds like the divorce did wonders for you. >It doesn't matter if that is because of the divorce itself or just the fact that you naturally had to find yourself again afterwards, as all people do in that kind of situation. What matters is only that you feel good about yourself, and that's not something you should ever feel guilty for. OOP replied >Yeah the divorce DID do wonders. I was surprised how well I could make it on my own and I felt pride that translated to happiness [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/sjiiey/my_ex_husband_doesnt_like_that_i_have_moved_on/hvg2voe?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)   Feb 3, 2022 I cant find my old post post, I must’ve deleted it. I’m going to give a shorter version here because I have had it with my ex-husband and I need help with how to act around him because I’m going crazy here. I (f38) found out that my husband (m41) was having an affair with a coworker (f25) the same week I found out I was pregnant with my daughter (14months). My husband was my soulmate and this finding hurt me so much. I decided to get a divorce and keep the baby. My pregnancy was hard and I battled depression. The first year of being a mom was the hardest but also the best year of my life. I was still heartbroken about my divorce but I was adjusting very well and I found a whole new purpose in life and another type of happiness I never knew I could feel. I also started a new job, it was more work but more flexible hours and paid a lot better so it suited me, being a single mom. I can say that I’m very happy and content now. My husband opposed the divorce and refused to sign at first. He wanted us to work things out, but I was so in love with him and that made forgiving him impossible. He moved on soon with his AP and they’re engaged now. I have however noticed that he really did not like seeing me thriving. I have full custody of my daughter for the first 3 years because we thought shared custody at her young age isn’t fair on her. Instead he comes and visits her 4-5 times a week. Often my mom who is helping me with my baby receives him. But on the few occasions I’m home when he visited he would comment my looks, compliments my outfit or ask if I have done something with my hair etc (I’ve lost a lot of weight). It was harmless in the beginning but he became angrier and more annoyed with me and at my baby’s first birthday he threw a tantrum because “I looked good in a black dress”. We celebrated at my ex-in law’s. It was my in laws, my parents, my sil and her family and my ex and his fiancé. My FIL told me I looked great. My ex was NOT happy about that. He started yelling at me in front of everyone telling me that I broke us and he stormed out in tears. This was a few weeks back. I asked him to give my daughter and me a break and not visit until he could be civil. He told me I couldn’t forbid him from seeing his daughter. Now my ex MIL comes and takes my daughter to her place so he could see her. He came to my apartment yesterday to talk. He was basically angry because “I could forget him and move on so easily” I didn’t know what to say. I just started crying and kicked him out. None of what happened was something I wanted or planned. I never wanted my baby to grow up in two different homes and to never experience the love her parents once had for each other. I have moved on because I want my baby to have a happy life and that’s what’s making me “glow” as he so resentfully put it. I want him to understand that we have to get along because that’s the least thing we can give her. He has moved on with a different woman and I chose to move on with myself, how can I make him open his eyes? He needs to start thinking of her and put her needs first because she didn’t ask to be born to this mess. Any advice is appreciated save for getting back together with him. I have thought of couples counseling but we’re divorced so I don’t know RELEVANT COMMENTS TerribleTourist8590  >My ex had an affair, and then struggled with the consequences (divorce, new life for me, new love and family for me). The response that shut him down every time “This started because you couldn’t keep your c**k in your pants.” Utterly crude and completely undeniable OOP replied >He’s terrified that I would meet a new man. Almost obsessed. >I wouldn’t even know how to begin dating tbh The OOP on the tantrum >We celebrated my babies birthday at my ex-in law’s. It was my in laws, my parents, my sil and her family and my ex and his fiancé. >My FIL told me I looked great. He was NOT happy about that. He started yelling at me in front of everyone telling me that I broke us and he stormed out in tears. My in-laws told me to ignore him but how can I ignore him for 18 years? TreeCityKitty  >I've got to ask, how did the fiancée take his outburst? OOP replied >She was terrified. It was the first time she met me and my daughter. FIL had to drive her home. [Final update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/sm4a3j/update_my_ex_husband_is_upset_i_have_moved_on_so/hvxf4f1?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)   Feb 6, 2022 Thank you for listening to all my woes. Sometimes when you’re immersed in your own problems you forget that there’re others who has gone or are going through similar experiences. I mean my family has been so supportive but I’m glad I dumped my shit here because let me tell you this, I have realized that I have been so naive and need to do a lot of learning about parenthood and being a single mother. I can never plan or control everything in my and my baby’s life. I can only try and whatever I do there will be alot of surprises and things that I haven’t expected turning up happening and it’s fine. There’s also no one “right” way to raise a child. I tried so hard to make things “perfect” because of the guilt that I couldn’t give my baby the life I thought I could give her. I can’t control or change my ex husband and I don’t even think I have any right to do so. I can only change my life and right now he’s being toxic and I don’t want that. I need to cut the cord and go NC completely with him. I don’t know why he’s being like this and I’m not sure it would make a difference if I knew the reason. For both’s sake I need to distance myself. We have shared custody but because of her small age she will be living full time with me the first 3 years. That was the agreement. He will from now on see her at his parents houses instead of coming to my place several times a week and stay as long as he wants. He is never allowed to talk to me outside of the subject of our baby. And only via text. Nothing about us/me, my looks my dress neither the positive or the negative will be tolerated. For him I’m a stranger now and he has no right to do or say any of the things he’s been saying and doing since the divorce. I have told him all of this via email because I don’t want to see him. He asked to meet but I refused. He has written back that he understood and he will keep away. He has also apologized for stepping the line he just still “saw me as his family” and he was hurt. I didn’t answer. I hope everything is fine now and that he behaves. I also need to rid myself of the resentment and bitterness that I feel towards him. I loved him and I still do and I am so angry and hateful towards what he’s done but this is life. People change and fall out of love and it’s ok. I need to move on! RELEVANT COMMENTS AylaCars  >I don't believe I saw your initial post but I've caught up on everything, plus your post comments. >I'm glad that you are putting these measures in place to completely distant yourself from him. Although he said that he still "saw you as his family", I think you already know that he meant that he regards you as his property and he should be the only male to benefit/have a say concerning your body, sex and social life. >He made his choice (in secret by cheating on you, by staying with her and getting engaged, etc) and now he must live with the consequences. >When you do start to date, I suggest you tell your new person upfront that you have a jealous and selfish ex. Don't be surprised if your ex tries to reach out, via social media, to warn the guy against being with you e.g. you are a just a rebound until we get back together, we have a child together so you will never truly have her, etc. OOP replied >I will keep that in mind because when I emailed him about him having no right to talk about my private life, how I looked etc his first reply was are you f*ing someone!!!! >I didn’t answer Alauraize  >So, he already violated the boundary that you set about only communicating about your baby. It sounds like your in-laws are fairly supportive. Would they be okay with having you two run parenting discussions through them? I also understand that there are co-parenting apps that you guys can use. >Anyway, I’m sorry that you’re in this situation. OOP replied >I will find an app in my country. >My in laws are amazing and they fully understand that I can’t have their son in my life anymore. My mother in law is brilliant I am not The OOP

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11rx9vg/my_ex_husband_is_upset_i_have_moved_on_so_quickly/

11rx9vg

AITA for calling my girlfriend boring?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/boringaitathrowaway in r/AmItheAsshole on March 2, '23, updated as an edit. [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11g8ht5/aita_for_calling_my_girlfriend_boring/) AITA for calling my girlfriend boring? My (29M) girlfriend (25F) have been together for a little over 5 years. She’s rather introverted and doesn’t drink or enjoy going out. She’d rather stay in and watch a movie or go to a nice dinner. I don’t mind doing this sometimes, but sometimes I feel like it would be nice to have some drinks with my girlfriend. It feels like all she does is go to work, work on her dissertation, go to the gym, and sleep. The other night I convinced her to go out to some bars. After a while she agreed but said she was tired from work and school, so she only wanted to go out for a little while. I was fine with this, but the entire time we were out she was entirely sober, acting pissed off and it was honestly not fun to be around. I got annoyed and told her her energy was bad and she said it was just because she was tired but she was enjoying the music (it didn’t look like it at all). We left after a couple of hours, normally when I’m with friends I like to stay out until 2-3am. The next morning I brought up how she was acting and suggested the next time we go out that she has just one drink to loosen up a bit and maybe it’ll be more fun for her. I also said that I feel weird being the only one getting drunk and that it sucks drinkng alone. She disagreed and got mad at me saying that I need grow up and that drinking and partying aren’t everything. I’ll admit that I’ve gone overboard going out with friends in the past and it’s led to arguments that I regrettably don’t remember, but I’ve been depressed and going out is one thing that makes me feel better. I jokingly asked her when she got so boring and she snapped at me saying that she would rather save up for a nice vacation or go to a music festival/concerts or a nice, expensive dinner. These things are out of my budget and a vacation is only a once or twice a year thing anyway. And, when we do go on vacation she’d rather do boring touristy stuff like go to museums or sight see. I told her that I don’t think I can give her the life she wants and is used to (she had a very wealthy upbringing) and she called me an asshole and has been acting cold ever since. So, AITA? TLDR: my girlfriend doesn’t like going out or drinking. I jokingly called her boring and now she is mad at me. Edit: I didn’t expect for this to take off so fast. I just wanted to add some info clarifying some things. We do have quite a bit in common overall - we met at a music festival and share a love for music. When we first started dating when she was still in undergrad we would go to concerts frequently and had a lot of fun. We have the same goofy sense of humor, we both like fitness and video games. We both like the travel, but like I said I can’t afford it right now. She is used to going on luxurious vacations abroad with her family that cost $10-30k and I can’t offer the same. I do love and care about her, which is why I want to go out with HER. Only going out with friends all the time is not the same. I originally liked how opposite we were because I felt like she brought balance to my life that I needed, but as I’m nearing 30 I regret not doing more in my 20’s and I’m scared of wasting time not having fun. I admit that my word choice was stupid and while I was joking, it wasn’t perceived that way. *In the Comments:* >YTA - your girlfriend sounds responsible and motivated. You sound like you just want to get drunk and complain that you don’t have money to do nice things. Instead of insulting her over her incredibly reasonable boundaries, why not just break up and go find a girlfriend who is more aligned with your life goals? OP: I guess I just don’t get her agreeing to go out and then acting blah the whole time. She’s even said recently that she wants to try to go out more because she wants to hang out with me and try to enjoy the things I enjoy. As for breaking up, I really don’t want to enter the dating pool at my age. While I might not have conveyed it well in this post, she is a great person, loyal and my family and friends adore her (which is a first for me). I don’t want to lose that. I just wish we could do more together like we used to. ... >YTA. You sound like an alcoholic, dude. The fact that she doesn’t enjoy getting wasted with you until 2am doesn’t mean she’s boring, it means she has different priorities. She honestly sounds way more mature than you if her idea of fun is saving up for a cool vacation to go see new things while yours is just getting drunk all the time. >College is over. Develop some fucking interests outside of drinking. You’re the boring one. OP: I work 60+ hour weeks in a corporate job and I don’t have a wealthy family to back me up on anything. I’ve been on my own since I got kicked out at 17 and have worked hard for everything I have, so I don’t think it’s fair for everyone to say I have different priorities or that I don’t have goals. I would’ve gone to grad school after college but I have student loans and don’t have a multiple six figure college fund to get multiple degrees like she does. We also have separate finances, so it’s not like I’m blowing her money on myself. ... I mentioned in another comment that I would be going to grad school for an MBA but I’m still in debt from my undergraduate degree. My family is not rich and I don’t have a multiple six figure college fund, trust fund or dads money to lean on when things get hard. We live in a big city for my job and the cost of living is rising. ... When we met she was the president of her sorority and would often go out with her sorority sisters and stay out late. She still didn’t drink much but she’d still dance and have fun. Now when she goes out, if at all, she usually just wants to sit and listen to the band or dj. She encourages me to dance and have fun on my own while she sits and watches, but then gets annoyed if she thinks I’ve had too much. *Judgment: Asshole* **Edit 2 (UPDATE):** Well I have the update you all have been waiting for. I decided to go out with some friends last night to blow off some steam (yeah, dumb, I know) and managed to stay out until 5 or 6 am. I honestly didn’t mean to. I tend to not check my phone much when I’m out and when I finally checked it I had a ton of missed calls and texts from my girlfriend asking where I was or if I was okay. I was fine, my friends just wanted to hang out longer than I expected. When I got home she was angry that she had to stay up all night worrying about me getting home safely (I didn’t ask her to stay up for me). She sat me down and said that she will not be renewing our lease when it’s up and that it’s up to me to decide how I’ll be going forward until then. She said it’s not the drinking that’s the issue but the fact that it feels like she has to “parent” me after the fact and can’t relax while I’m drinking, even when it’s with friends. So yeah. Now I’m spending my Friday apartment hunting and looking for a therapist. *I did reach out to OOP to ask if she officially broke up with him but didn't get an answer. I think it's safe to assume, though, as she is breaking the lease and he is looking for a new place, so I'm flairing this concluded.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11rydy9/aita_for_calling_my_girlfriend_boring/

11rydy9

New Update from Court* in Ongoing Case: Airbnb, Cameras, and Arbitration! Oh My!

ONGOING

Edited to fix link to update post: I AM the OP- my last update was posted by myself (u/atypicalcommonplace) [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/AtypicalCommonplace/comments/11kbjj3/update_from_court_airbnb_and_cameras/)with special shoutout to u/boringhistoryfan for teaching me about this subreddit and how to use it! [Last update here - posted March 4th, 2023](https://www.reddit.com/user/AtypicalCommonplace/comments/11kbjj3/update_from_court_airbnb_and_cameras/) Trigger warnings: >!privacy violation!< >!survelliance!< >!humantrafficking!< Original Post and Update here. Skip ahead to 🔴🔴🔴 for new update [**Airbnb Allowing host to place cameras in the room where I would be sleeping**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) September 30th 2022 Hey all, ironically I am a lawyer myself though I am no longer practicing and my area of expertise was way outside this scope - .. More on that below. In a nutshell, I booked a last-minute Airbnb in New York City listed it had security cameras. Fine, no problem, I understand having a camera at the outside of the door. Once the host received my booking I got an email asking me to confirm that I was aware that the cameras were inside the Apartment where I would be staying. Since this was also a studio apartment, that meant that the camera was inside of the room where I would be sleeping, changing, etc. I immediately asked the host to please call me, there were a number of other weird rules like me having to send him a picture of my ID even though I am outside on Airbnb of course, and while waiting 20 minutes for a call back I read some of the other views for other properties and realize this was all very very sketchy. Before the host called me back I let them know I wanted to cancel. The host said he would not accept my cancellation, even though this was less than one or two hours after I had booked, and was based on new information he gave me that was not previously accessible in the stated house rules or else were upfront in the listing. I said I would contact Airbnb. I spent about an hour on the phone with three different Airbnb people, the last told me that I would be receiving a refund. I verbally confirmed this before I went to a hotel and booked it based upon this statement from Airbnb. They asked me if I could send proof of the camera being inside of the room, I said that I didn’t even go over to the place and had no interest in doing so now, but I shared a screenshot of the hosts message to me. They said this was adequate for me to move forward and that afternoon I received a written note saying that I would be refunded and also reimbursed for a portion of my hotel stay. The next day, I received a message from Airbnb saying that they need the host to approve the cancellation and that they would really look into this on Friday. I was extremely confused because this totally contradicted the information I had been given and relied upon the day before. I called and was told I would receive a call that “soon“. After 48 hours I still had not received a call back so I called again. After explaining the situation the person on the phone said that I was right, that this was a violation, and that I would receive a refund as well as the reimbursement. I thanked him, confirmed I received the message, and went about my day. That night, I received another message from Airbnb, please note again that this was not a call just a random message saying that I would not get a refund after all. I once again called this morning, explain the situation, was told they would resolve it and that I was right, and then again, less than an hour later, got a message contradicting this fact and taking it back again. Obviously, I want my money back and I would like some sort of compensation for the fact that I have now spent over 10 hours on this issue with over a dozen Airbnb customer service people who apparently do not talk to each other nor do they know about or understand Airbnb is expressly stated policy that cameras one should not be in the bedroom and two need to be clearly Disclosed. Not to mention the fact that I relied upon information they gave me to book another place. But this is actually much bigger Than me. I used to be an attorney representing human trafficking survivors and I cannot tell you the number of times that unknown surveillance devices were used against them. Now, am I trying to say that just by sleeping in a room with a camera I would be pulled into some sort of underground human trafficking ring? No. But the consequences of surveillance in private areas where we sleep and dress, particularly at this point in time in the United States where I live, are simply too high to let this go. I need help figuring out what to do next. Thank you for any advice you can provide! ETA: Thanks all! Through my conversations with Airbnb today it has become clear that they believe there has been no violation even though there is a camera in the bedroom, because it is pointed at the door. By this point they have had five full days notice of cameras existing in private areas against their policies, and as this post has 30+ listings it could be extrapolated that there have been over 100 days of this issue occurring this week Alone. Many types of cameras can be operated remotely these days, meaning that if you can send it to have a camera in the bedroom, all someone would have to do was trigger the remote device to turn the camera 1 inch and have it be pointed on your body. I am sure I do not need to tell Reded about the nefarious things people do on the Internet and, when Airbnb states expectation of privacy by clearly outlining rules for cameras, I am entitled to that right of Privacy. I was also a lawyer representing survivors Of Human trafficking and domestic violence. I saw all the worst ways that people can use cameras. Throughout the day it is also come to my attention that this has happened to many other people. I’m going to be contacting a personal injury layer to see if An injunction can be placed against Airbnb requiring them to remove cameras from Any bedroom located Within any property. Will keep you posted… [**UPDATE in Case Against Airbnb Where Cameras Were In My Bedroom**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/zl58g9/update_in_case_against_airbnb_where_cameras_were/) [**REPOST Airbnb Update in case folks want to ask me Q's and I can answer publicly here!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/zlc43c/repost_airbnb_update_in_case_folks_want_to_ask_me/) December 13 2022 [Link to initial post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) As per the mo[d comment - I created another post in case folks have Q's - happy to answer them!](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladviceofftopic/comments/zlc43c/repost_airbnb_update_in_case_folks_want_to_ask_me/) Long story short - I booked a room on airbnb and later found out there was a camera inside the bedroom (it was a studio so everything was the bedroom.) Airbnb first said you are right, that is not ok, we will reimburse you and pay for 30% of the hotel I would have to book last minute. Then took it back. Then said I was right again. Then took it back again. And on and on. This was not only concerning to me personally but I believe it was a major safety issue that they were not taking seriously and that their customer service representatives clearly did not understand. I spent over 10 hours on the phone with them I tried to contact airbnb customer support and ask for escalation. No response. I then contacted their listed executives a number of times. No response. I then used an online platform claiming to "help consumers against big corporations." This company said they would take 20% of whatever i got back, fine, whatever, I just want airbnb to stop allowing cameras in bedrooms! Guess what? Airbnb did not respond. So I continued on and filed an arbitration case as per the terms of service when you use airbnb. Within TWO HOURS of the arbitration court contacting us about the matter, an ENTIRE TEAM of lawyers was sent by airbnb to go against me in my claim. Four lawyers, to be exact, each of which I am sure is billing multiple hundreds of dollars an hour. I shouldn't be surprised but the waste of resources astounds me. I am sure they are just trying to intimidate me and I am not falling for this BS. THIS is why all these companies charge so much. Because they refuse to handle basic customer service issues and then pass on these absurd things like lawyer fees to us, the consumer. Anyways, just wanted to update y'all. For everyone's info, it costs $200 to file with arbitration so the fact that I have to have so much time and resources to fight for what is right already has me really upset. But such is the way when it comes to David v. Goliath. I'll update as the case continues and thanks to everyone here who initially provided support and guidance! EDITED TO ADD: Airbnb scrubbed all the correspondence I had with them and the original host. ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS screen shot EVERYTHING the MOMENT you think anything may be fishy! EDITED 2: To clarify/add more context. I myself am an attorney but I no longer practice and, even if I did, my background is in representing survivors of human trafficking. Why is this relevant? Well because the reason this makes me so angry is NOT just because of me. Want to know one of the many tactics used against my clients? You guessed it, recordings of them undressing/naked/sleeping, etc. At the worst they also drugged folks and taped them engaging in sex acts. Now, am I actually concerned that this would happen to me? No (it could but no). In part because I had the resources to refuse to stay and use a credit card to book a hotel. Some folks have mentioned in the other thread that I could have called the police but we know that calling the police doesn't feel like the safe option for everyone. So by allowing this airbnb is basically making someone choose between staying in a room with a video camera where they sleep/walk to bathroom/change, etc OR hoping they have extra $ to get a hotel OR feel ok calling the police. So I am fighting this because that is just absolutely unacceptable. EDITED THREE; Some folks have also asked why they went back on their offered refund. First they said that I had "notice" because the listing said it had security cameras. Never mind you that security cameras in private areas (such as where you sleep) is against airbnb policies. When I brought THAT UP the customer service rep had the audacity to say "well the host said it isn't pointed at the bed" (WHAAAAA?/?!?!) In case you are unaware of technological innovations, you can remotely move a camera to point towards anywhere in the room. Yeah no. I'm fighting this. EDIT FOUR: WOW Y'all, thanks so much! I will admit, I was a little freaked out yesterday when I saw the show of force airbnb tried to throw at me but you all have bouyed my spirits and given me fortitude for the fight. THANK YOU. But you also knocked off my AMA with my much-beloved-WW2-fighter pilot Great Uncle from my top post! LOL, He passed a few months ago so, in case you want to read a story of a REAL American hero - including an anecdote that continues to make me die of laughter - you can do so here-[https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tcqhhq/im\_jack\_hallett\_a\_101\_year\_old\_ww2\_fighter\_pilot/](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/tcqhhq/im_jack_hallett_a_101_year_old_ww2_fighter_pilot/) [**Second Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/10mpq47/update_2_airbnb_and_cameras_were_going_to_court/) **Posted Jan 27 2023** [First post](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/xsbafj/airbnb_allowing_host_to_place_cameras_in_the_room/) [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/zl58g9/update_in_case_against_airbnb_where_cameras_were/) **Side note: I have no idea where to answer folks questions as this forum doesn't allow comments on updates my last post on legal off topic was removed because "it is not an ama"** so if anyone knows where I can answer people's Q's and we can discuss this lemme know! <3 Well friends, looks like we are going to (arbitration) court\*! Airbnb "responded" to my complaint basically stating the following: 1. Airbnb has no liability for anything under their terms of service. Quote they used in their response from TOS section 18 "*W\*\*e provide the Airbnb Platform and all Content “as is” without warranty of any kind and we disclaim all warranties, whether express or implied."* Interesting side note they also explicitly stated that their background checks don't really mean anything which is fascinating to me as they really make a big deal about "safety." *Reminder - their own policies say that cameras in private areas/bedrooms is not permissible.* 2. Even if Airbnb was liable I waived all claims by signing said Terms of Service. 3. I can't sue airbnb because my alleged damages were the action of third parties and airbnb didn't cause any of them. *Which, reminder, isn't true because I expressly relied on Airbnb's customer service rep.* 4. I consented to whatever happened to me happening to me by signing the terms of service. 5. I am claiming more than I should get - ie they are saying I am "unjustly enriching" myself due to my wanting to be compensated for lost time. *Reminder I am a consultant and former lawyer who actually consults on these issues as a profession.* 6. \*"\*Laches" - which is unreasonable delay - *reminder I contacted them less then five minutes after discovering the issue.* 7. I failed to mitigate any damages - *see my first post - this is probably the most laughable* So - WE ARE GOING TO (arbitration) COURT\*! An arbitrator was assigned today and a court date is upcoming. Now, some of y'all may think it is not good of me to be posting this as airbnb and their lawyers (hi) may see it but, if you have read my previous posts, you know that this isn't about me specifically but about the madness of what airbnb is doing and shedding light to y'alll about what may happen if you have a known safety issue against airbnb's own internal policies. Reminder - companies that use arbitration clauses do it ***specifically so that these issues are kept out of the public eye*** because they are not public record like typical lawsuits are. So I'm here letting y'all know. Final reminder: Airbnb now has to pay $2,900 in filing fees for the case. There is a $2500 day rate for the arbitrator and the law firm coming against me has four lawyers working on this. They are paying way more than they would have ever owed me (which, reminder, they told me they would give me). I ask you why? Why would they do this unless they truly and deeply believe it is **ok for there to be cameras in your space despite what their policies say.** And/or this is the beginning of a new trend for airbnb to refuse to take any responsibility for anything occuring to you while you use their platform. I'll keep y'all posted as to what happens next. \*Yes yes, [I know arbitration isn't technically cour](https://legal.thomsonreuters.com/blog/arbitration-vs-litigation-the-differences/#:~:text=In%20simple%20terms%2C%20arbitration%20is,%2C%20no%20jury%2C%20no%20courtroom)t but this whole thing is so infuriating I'm taking my kicks where I can get them ;) \--- 🔴🔴🔴 Latest Update [UPDATE FROM COURT:](https://www.reddit.com/user/AtypicalCommonplace/comments/11kbjj3/update_from_court_airbnb_and_cameras/)Posted March 4th, 2023 Original Text: Super TLDR: There was a camera in the studio apartment I booked on airbnb. Airbnb agreed that was [in violation](https://www.airbnb.com/help/article/2914#:~:text=Airbnb%20prohibits%20security%20cameras%20or,turned%20on%20or%20hooked%20up), offered me a refund and hotel reimbursement and I moved on. Airbnb later went back on their word and I spent over 10 hours fighting customer service. Airbnb corporate didn't respond to anything I said and I filed in arbitration, not wanting this to happen to anyone else in addition to me getting my $ back, as they are ostensibly saying that cameras CAN be in sleeping areas. Airbnb is sending a team of lawyers to fight me in arbitration court and I had the preliminary hearing last week, March 1st. A few interesting notes from arbitration: * We have court hearings and memo dates scheduled over the next few months with the full hearing to take place on April 20th. * I could have said I was ok doing the case "on the documents" but I said I wanted a full hearing. I have the choice for it to be in person but would need to prove cause for that so it will likely be via zoom. * Airbnb only sent one of the four lawyers to the hearing (which was telephonic.) * Airbnb requested to file what is known as a dispositive motion, basically saying I have no basis to be making any sort of claim. **GOOD NEWS/LEGAL NEWS:** I have a week to amend my case which I will be doing to include something a friend found for me called MA Chapter 93A - which is a consumer protection law that I can utilize since I am a resident of MA. Apparently we have one of the best states for consumer protection and you can read [about how it was used against airbnb in the past here.](https://masslandlords.net/the-power-of-chapter-93a-an-airbnb-case-study-crossing-state-and-national-borders/) *If any redditors know of any other laws you think I should throw at this please please DM me! I need help and all my calls to lawyers/requests for help have gone unanswered!* 93A allows me to seek triple damages so I will def be doing that. **INTERESTING NEWS:** A lot of redditors have noted that Airbnb will try and keep me quiet and you were right! Towards the end of the hearing their rep said they "wanted to make sure we were all on the same page in regards to confidentiality" because I had said I may try and speak to the press (I thought they would have brought up reddit here as well but it seems so far these missives have not yet been uncovered). The judge asked on what grounds they were requesting this and they seemed to try and argue that it had to be confidential by virtue of there being a case. I said that wasn't my understanding and the judge agreed, asking for a citation to governing rules stating as such. They cited a rule saying that a judge ***COULD*** order that it be kept confidential but the judge interjected and said he had not been asked to make any such order and they would need to file a motion requesting as such. So I guess I will see if they file such a motion which I will, of course, argue. **Other FAQ'S** * Yes, I have tried to get the press interested in this story. One major paper was almost going to write about it but they couldn't "find evidence it was a big enough issue." Please if you have press contacts I am happy to chat! I WANT airbnb to stop allowing this! That is really all! * I have started to try and find counsel as well since, if they do try and quiet me, I will need more resources to fit that. So far no luck so I am still on my own :)

AtypicalCommonplace

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11saoz0/new_update_from_court_in_ongoing_case_airbnb/

11saoz0

AITA for not defending my friend when his expensive new clothes got ruined ?

CONCLUDED

**I am not OOP. OOP is** [u/throwawayclothsdrama](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayclothsdrama/). She posted in [r/AmItheAsshole](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/). Fun fact to cover up spoilers: since this post is about Holi, I tried to find some fun facts about the holiday. Apologies if I misunderstood something! Holi is a Hindu holiday, but over the years has become a popular holiday/event celebrated by people all over the world and of different faiths and nationalities. Holi celebrates the beginning of spring and the idea good triumphing over evil. All of the colors of powder have different meanings! **Trigger Warning:** >!Racism!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!The truth is revealed!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11lznth/aita_for_not_defending_my_friend_when_his/)**: March 8, 2023** I (23f) live in India and had a friend (24m) let's call him Joe visiting from New York this week. Today was Holi which is a massive festival in India where people dowse each other in colour and water to celebrate. Its also fairly accepted that anyone is fair game on holi, whether you're throwing waterballons from your balcony or chucking colour from the street, people dowse random strangers and everyone enjoys it. Joe had another friend living in my city who invited him and me on Holi to show Joe a "proper holi celebration". We both got ready in the morning, I was wearing an old nightsuit and Joe had dressed up in a newly bought very expensive looking kurta. He gave me a very judgemental look and asked whether it was appropriate for me to go to his friends party dressed in old ragged clothes especially when his friend had said it would be a "proper party". I laughed and explained that not only were we going for a Holi party but we would also have to walk on foot to reach the friends house and whatever clothes we were wearing were bound to get ruined. Joe still looked a bit annoyed but didn't say anything further. Cut to twenty minutes later and we got out of the car and began the short five minute walk to Joes friends house. A bunch of teenagers ambushed us out of nowhere and within seconds we looked like walking rainbows and were utterly drenched. I laughed picked up some of the kids water balloons and chucked them at them but Joe got incredibly mad and started screaming at the kids about how expensive his clothes were, how they ruined it and how they had reimburse him. The kids could see he was angry but said to me in hindi they couldn't understand what he was saying. I told Joe that and I also told him that I had forewarned him about this and its a very very accepted part of the culture here, something people do not get upset about. Joe got mad at me and told me to explain to the kids that they had to apologise and cough up the money for his clothes. I refused and Joe walked off in a huff. The party went great, it was a typical holi bash and Joe and I immediately fit in being already covered in water and colour and I thought all was fine now. However when we got back to my house Joe got really mad at me about "Refusing to defend him, making him feel isolated and alone in a foreign country and imposing my culture in an uncomfortable manner without respecting the fact that hes a tourist". I told him he was being unreasonable and went to bed. However later a few of our mutual also American friends texted me that I was being an AH about the situation.​ I did not think I had done anything wrong but now I'm starting to suspect that I was an AH for not understanding and respecting that my friend might not be comfortable with such traditions and that he had spent a lot on these new Indian clothes. ***Relevant Comment:*** *Did you make it clear his clothes would be ruined?* "I made it specifically clear that whatever clothes we were wearing today would get ruined, whether at the party or on the street. Somehow, someway it would happen." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): March 9, 2023 (next day)** UPDATE: So it turns out there was a lot more to the story, quite a lot more. I kicked Joe out of my house today, he will never be part of my or my friends life ever again. I made a group with everyone besides Joe and as soon as I started texting them it was clear Joe had fed them utter nonsense. He told them that I had pressured him into going shopping, telling him that wearing ethnic clothes was a necessity and not only had I taken him to very high end brands I had pushed him to buy the most expensive items. I immediately clarified the situation to my friends and thats when a much darker truth began to emerge. We are a group of about ten friends who met at university in the states and are a very diverse group, Indians, Brazilians, Chinese, Nigerian, Spanish, American etc. We also became friends over a shared love of traveling and committed to visiting each others home countries after graduation. Post graduation we were fortunate enough to all land really high paying jobs and travel was the hobby we chose to use our surplus income on. The difference was Joe and Cameron who had lets just say very extensive trust funds waiting for them. So while we all travelled quite a bit it was Joe in particular who travelled the most, in fact he has already visited most of our friends I was the second last left. Turns out his actions were a pattern, he takes some aspect of a culture acts on it and then throws a scene about other aspects he doesnt like. Gets red envelopes for Chinese new year, has a fit about a fire phobia while lighting lanterns. Goes to Brazil for Carnival throws a fit about being asked to dress accordingly etc. None of us had mentioned this before to each other because the general perception had been that Joe was a good guy, well traveled etc and that it was just a one off incident. The worst part tho, this only happened with his friends of colour. No issue when he went for La Tomatina or Oktoberfest. I decided to confront Joe today morning and at first he denied but I showed up the group messages. That is when he lost it, he went on a rant about how all non white culture was amusing and exotic and he didnt mind it but he hated how we always forced him into barbaric and disgusting parts of our tradition he said thats he had an issue with and that we were killing his love for travel and how much better our friends in Europe had been. I told him to get out of the house instantly and when he refused saying he had nowhere to stay I had my driver take his luggage out. I told the rest of the group about this and we are all equally shocked and hurt and are cutting him off entirely. To all the lovely people who commented how fun Holi sounds, please come to India in march. People would love to celebrate with you.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11sj8cq/aita_for_not_defending_my_friend_when_his/

11sj8cq

My husband texted me that he left for two days with no warning.

CONCLUDED

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/rosehip_tea **My husband texted me that he left for two days with no warning.** Originally posted to r/Marriage [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/nn4jnm/my_husband_texted_me_that_he_left_for_two_days/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  May 28, 2021 Life has been stressful and like a lot of people we’ve been under a lot of pressure individually and relationally. I am sympathetic to needing a break for sure. He’d recently gotten a concussion as well which is miserable and had mentioned planning a solo trip somewhere a couple times and he’s done them in the past. We had talked about our day, I felt like we had a nice morning and I left to go run errands and was going to pick him up after work. While I was out I called him to ask a question and he didn’t answer, I was concerned he left his phone at home when he (supposedly) left for work, but a few minutes later I got a text saying that he was feeling stressed and overwhelmed and that he’s sorry it’s short notice but he’s leaving for 2 days to stay with a relative and disconnecting from his phone and will text me tomorrow to check in and that: “hopefully we can use this time to refocus” Like I said, I am so understanding of needing a break from life, and it seems like it was needed for him. However, I have conflicting feelings over this. I was beside myself worried, he’s never just up and left and I was freaking out until I could get ahold of his relative and make sure he was there and was relieved to know he was safe. In moments of feeling so much that a person can’t think is one thing, I’ve been there before too, but sending a text and immediately going no contact for two days is something that as a spouse, doesn’t sit well with me. If he had called instead of texted or even called later in the day (maybe when he wasn’t so overwhelmed) just to let me know he was alright I would’ve been a different story. So the the next day when he “checked in” he sent me a text saying he was sorry I was blindsided by the sudden decision and knows this is “uncomfortable” for me and thanked me for giving him time to process. When I asked if he could call just hear his voice, he said he couldn’t do that and hasn’t contacted me again. I know that when discussing mental health it’s important to prioritize the person struggling, and to say “I’m upset he won’t call me” might seem kinda shallow, but truthfully if I’m trying to be in a partnership with someone who just walked out the door is concerning to me in regards to maintaining trust (which we have been working on in counseling). I want to be supportive and understanding but this hurt like hell. He is in therapy, I am in therapy and we were supposed to have couple’s counseling today (ironically), but that’s not happening now. I just don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to go forward. I am not okay with how the situation happened, I feel so hurt. Am I being inconsiderate..? I need help, please throw me any advice. I feel like I’m drowning. Edit for an update: Thank you for the support, it was really helpful. The only person I could talk to about this has been out of cell coverage and your comments helped me put words to feelings. I was able to speak with him on the phone, finally. After expressing my worries and frustrations he told me he admitted leaving like he did was a bad decision but he needed to take care of himself first and figure out what he wants before saying “I’m sorry I caused you to worry, but I hope you can take some time and understand why I did that”. I asked him to come up with a better apology that takes my feelings into consideration if he wants this relationship to continue. I point blank asked “Do you want me?” and the silence after that spoke louder than anything. Wow. He informed me that he is currently trying to decide what he wants from life, including our relationship. I told him that he’d need to make a decision pretty soon if he wants me to be an option, and when asked when he’d be returning he said he doesn’t know how many more days he’ll be gone, but would let me know “soon”. As many pointed out, the concussion puts a variable in here, it is the only reason that I can think that would make him act like he never has in the past, and though devastated and in total shock, I’m going to hear whatever he has to say when he decides to come home. I have put off making my decision for the moment, my whole world feels too askew to make one. I just can’t believe this. We had a wedding and consider ourselves married, but are not legally married so it makes things a lot simpler. Also.. his relatives live out in the sticks, and have been keeping an eye out because of the head injury, he might be acting like a dick but he isn’t a cheater. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** lawyercatgirl >Concussions and subsequent brain injuries are absolutely known to result in severe, if not debilitating, personality changes. I would consider this a strong possibility if nothing else explains it. OOP replied >When asked today he swore he’s been feeling the exact same overwhelm before his injury, and “it isn’t that”. I am inclined to agree with you, as there has been a subtle shift from my perspective. Regardless, if he doesn’t feel like that’s the issue, than all that is in store for me is to hope that he were to realize soon and make adjustments (Best case, for the sake of the relationship), realize later after he’s better (and then I guess I get the satisfaction of being validated), or I’m stuck with someone who’s brain is too broken to act in a way that’s tolerable. So I feel like the ball’s in his court on that one. [Update - 1 year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/vhokuy/update_to_a_post_i_made_over_a_year_ago_when_my/)  June 21, 2022 It feels like years since this happened but I wanted to follow up on it, this community was incredibly helpful when I didn’t have anyone to turn to, and I am really grateful for the people who were able to help. I had been so entrenched in fixing things that I couldn’t even see how toxic this relationship had become and was taking on blame for things out of my control. My now ex had ended up calling me after a few days in “hiatus” and broke up with me over the phone. He requested that I just sell all of his stuff but I told him he needed to come back and get it himself, which he did with the condition that I promised I wouldn’t be there. Unfortunately I had to clean out the rest of our apartment and deal with all the logistics of bills and felt like I had to harass him for the half of them when he wouldn’t send it when I asked. He stopped talking to me and it became known to me that he was telling his family that I was a narcissist and manipulative (the reasoning given of why he left so suddenly) and they completely cut contact as well. Many pointed to the head injury he had sustained as the reason this went down the way it did and I definitely agree that was the catalyst, so I made sure his relatives knew about it in case he needed help, however I couldn’t do anything beyond accept that he was actively rejecting me and I haven’t seen him since the day he left. I had a soft place to land at my parent’s house and started healing from there. I had already been seeing a therapist and she was my godsend and I was able to open up about some of the issues that I acquired during this relationship and really see it for what it had been, which was a clash of immaturity and mental health struggles that caused us both to Inadvertently hurt each other all the time. I worked from the beginning (and still work some days) to not settle into resentment from the whole situation knowing how heavy the weight of my own anger would weigh me down, and at this point I can say that I can look at our relationship through the lens of “we loved each other but we outgrew each other, and the way he left was not okay, and I fully hold him accountable for that.” I was hurting really intensely but I started exercising and worked to be physically healthy and emotionally healthy at the same time. I had just found a treatment for chronic health issues I had been dealing with, so I felt like my life shifted into a new era. As the dust settled I have been able to start going to college and found purpose again. I was ready to date again sooner than I initially thought I would have, I was still in the healing process but I felt like that didn’t limit me from having fun hanging out with new people and seeing what was out there. I ended up meeting someone really great pretty fast, which was a surprise to me, but a really good surprise. So far things have been going really well and completely different than even the “good” portion my past relationship experience. I think my past self would have really cared a lot about what people think, or would have been unsure about a new relationship so soon, but I also I know myself and what I want from life so much better than when I started dating the first time and proved to myself that I have the strength to not only survive hurt but to rebuild my life into something better than it was. Anyways, all this to say that if you’re going through an ugly marriage and people are telling you to get out and the thing that’s stopping you from doing that is feeling like you’ll never get back on your feet, it may take some time, but you will and it’s 100% worth it. TL;DR My husband left my out of the blue one day in the shittiest way, I posted about it here, got some good advice, and over a year later I’m doing great without him. Don’t let the fear of starting over dictate your life. We love those HEALTHY marriages. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** sisterpearl >Thank you so much. My husband up and left me a few months ago, also following a concussion/ brain bleed, also without warning. I’m trying every single day to keep going. Your post gives me hope. OOP replied >I’m so sorry, it’s heartbreaking to see someone change after a head injury. Grieve how things used to be when you need to, but keep reminding yourself there is so much possibility in your future to look to. Surviving that is hard, but a healing journey can feel so exhausting sometimes. You’ve got this, even when you don’t feel like you do. Celebrate the little victories but rest when you need to. Sending you strength and hugs. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ssxbc/my_husband_texted_me_that_he_left_for_two_days/

11ssxbc

My (35F) husband's (40M) family won't leave us alone

ONGOING

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRA_Coat_1245 **in** r/relationship_advice **and** r/FamilyIssues Fun Fact for Mobile Spoilers: The three stripe flag of the Netherlands started as an orange, white, and blue flag flown by Prince William of Orange in the Eighty Years' War, the Dutch revolt against Spain. The flag was flown on ships following the Dutch victory. In 1630, the flag's colors changed. The blue became a darker shade. The orange, difficult to distinguish from red at sea and more prone to fading, became the red stripe seen today. Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes trigger warnings: >!divorce, cancer!< mood spoilers: >!depressing, enraging!<   [**My (35F) husband's (40M) family won't leave us alone**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/118w6tt/comment/j9kd7jj/) \- 22 February 2023 I'm at my wits end and really don't know what to do. We are married 11 years with an 8 year old daughter. My husband and I work full time jobs. His parents and siblings are over bearing, always have been. They would visit us randomly during weekday evenings, and stay entire afternoons over the weekend. I would need to cook for them, lay the table, clean up etc. At a point 5 years ago, I had enough. I found a new job and moved across the country with our child (1,000 miles). My husband followed after a few months when he managed to secure a job. I have been even more of a witch in their eyes ever since because I now took their son/brother away and robbed them of precious time with our daughter. I didn't have an issue with them visiting a few times a year and we did the same. 3 months ago his sister and her husband moved house such that they are 1 mile away from us. They just dropped in on us taking me by surprise. Free world, I didn't react. But now we bump into them at the local store all the time, they always want to come over, borrow stuff etc. Still I say nothing. One month ago, his retired parents drop that they are also moving to our city, they too are like a stone throw away. We are back to square one. The time spending in my home, unannounced visits, requests for favours et al. My husband and I are arguing so much that we are contemplating divorce. Am I being a total b!#h by wanting to move away again...even further this time. They have destroyed my peace and happiness. &#x200B; [Comment thread on the circumstances surrounding the move:](https://www.reddit.com/r/FamilyIssues/comments/118w84k/comment/j9l59vp/) **Redditor:** This right here is why I think you're a total b. Could you at least say that you told your husband you were going to move? Did you give him an ultimatum? Did you even try to communicate that his family is smothering you to them or to your husband? Like honestly I hope it is in that case because that sounds really fucked. **OP:** Okay my bad. I didn't explain properly. Yes, i addressed it with my husband countless times but things would change for a while and then go back. He doesn't see their behavior as a problem. As for moving away, I certainly asked him to do it with me. He is a lawyer and threatened me with all kinds of things. But when I had enough, I told him that I am leaving and that he can join us if ever he wanted to. [Comment thread on cultural expectations of her husband:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/118w6tt/comment/j9judne/) **Redditor:** Tell your husband and in laws you enjoy your personal time and they're invading. If everyone lives 5 or so miles away then why is your home always the meeting spot? Your husband can visit them, that way you can stay home and enjoy your peace. It's not easy to tell people who forcibly spend a lot of time with you "hey I need you to leave" but that's the only reasonable solution here. The moving doesn't work and is costly. **OP:** You are correct. They impose on the basis that my husband is their only son and the eldest....whatever the flip that is supposed to imply. **Redditor:** Does the eldest son take care of aging parents in his culture? I wonder if that's where the entitlement is either coming from or leading to. I'm concerned when you said that you work hard and they feel entitled to your lifestyle. Do you know if your husband has plans to support them now or in the future? Just be careful about your resources, retirement fund, savings, ect. **OP:** I'm Italian. They are Dutch. It can't be a culture thing surely but its almost like this is something they all just expect. I do need to move funds away . .. sad thought but it is relevant. **Redditor:** I'm Dutch and this is not common behavior where I live. I'd be so mad if my in laws did this! You're going to need to put your foot down and tell them - very bluntly - that they are overstaying their welcome. Your husband needs to have your back in this. If he doesn't, he's not putting your well being first. [Continued:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/118w6tt/comment/j9k21j6/) **Redditor:** Have you been direct with them about the subject? From my experience beating around the bush doesn't work with most Dutch people. **OP:** I've tried politely. **Redditor:** There's your problem. The first born thing isn't a Dutch tradition, but no bullshit absolutely is. The Dutch don't do polite attempts. Tell them flat out that they are intruding and you need your private time. Source: Am half Dutch.   [**UPDATE: My (35F) husband's (40M) family wont leave us alone**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11bxone/comment/ja5vbj3/) \- 25 February 2023 So I kept to the plan of speaking to him on Friday night. We had a lovely dinner, got home to watch a movie cuddled up, and I started the conversation. He was not at all surprised. I spoke gently and lovingly explaining that I simply need space and made many suggestions like calls before a visit, meeting at a restaurant, taking turns with lunches/dinner, him visiting without me, etc. He listened until I was done and then with a straight face told me that he hates me and has felt this way for many years. He feels isolated and suffocated in our marriage. His work is his happy place. And he is happiest when he is with "his family". He said that his feelings for me changed when I was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder 3 years ago. He felt that I would in any event soon either die or be unable to care for our daughter or continue working. He admitted that the relocations were planned on this basis and that his family would step up to care for our daughter. He needed them close by and so does my daughter. He would speak to them about less visits and planned visits. He also thinks that we should just stay married for the sake of our daughter and see how life plays out. He was happy to simply co-parent while living as friends in our home. He doesn't think that divorce is a viable option because it would mean me dying alone and us missing out on our joint material lifestyle (i.e. our home, cars etc,). So here I am broken, betrayed, let down, abandoned... not really sure what best describes my pathetic life. Not sure what I will do now. My daughter loves her father dearly. Perhaps I should insist on a divorce and leave everything behind. They win. I have no fight in me and didn't know our lives was a game for God knows how long. I need a physiologist and I think he does too but totally separately not couples therapy. EDIT: Thanks to everyone that responded here and messaged me. I have read through every single comment and I am grateful that I put my story out. My original post was aimed at normal family issues. I didn't mention that I'm fighting leukemia because I didn't want that to be the focus. I will definitely shop around for a strong lawyer that hopefully has no allegiance to him (he is a heartless lawyer). My daughter is my reason to live. I will need to give serious thought to what he can and shouldn't know (IN MY VIEW). Yes, he generates a high income but so do I. What makes me attractive is that I have a significant inheritance from my parents. He thinks he deserves 50%. Thanks again to everyone who responded. I am humbled. &#x200B; [OP reveals more of what her husband said in the discussion:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11bxone/comment/ja4llqf/) I left this out but he actually said to me that my leukemia and my parents car crash is my karma playing out. [OP shares her husband's actions throughout her treatment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11bxone/comment/ja4ga9l/) He attended most serious doctor conversations. I thought he cared. In hindsight he was making sure that he knows exactly what the prognosis is at all times. I can't even think this evil. [Comment thread on OP's financial situation prior to the edit:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11bxone/comment/ja4fph5/) **Redditor:** Live together as friends with someone who hates you because you’re ill and the OP is wondering if she should stay? I think tf not! OP must have resources the AH husband wants to keep his grubby mitts on. **OP:** Yes I'm a medical doctor and inherited everything that my parents owned. I'm a gold pot to him, nothing else. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

snarfblattinconcert

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11tdqrl/my_35f_husbands_40m_family_wont_leave_us_alone/

11tdqrl

I have been proposing to my GF for 6 months

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/operationwingspan in r/TrueOffMyChest on Mar 1, '23, updated March 10th. Edit: sorry, I was having a hard time getting the formatting right for the comments section explaining his puzzles, got that added now! I have been proposing to my GF for 6 months [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11fp1x8/i_have_been_proposing_to_my_gf_for_6_months/) I (25M) will be in a relationship with my GF (24F) for ten years this month. She has been the greatest treasure in my life and I cannot imagine my life without her. She was my first true love and, while I didn't know it at the time, it was at first sight for me when I was only 12 years old. I've also known I wanted to marry her for years, but our situation was never right for it. We were both living with our parents, saving up for if and when we'd get a place of our own. We've now been living together happily for well over a year, and I know I want to ask her to marry me at our upcoming weekend getaway to commemorate our ten years anniversary. Truth be told, I've known this for almost 8 months, before any getaway was even planned. When I started working on my proposal in August, I wanted to make sure it was special, without becoming something she could predict reliably. I am pretty experienced at setting 'coded' messages and she greatly enjoys receiving tokens of affection, however small. So eventually, I settled on a 6 month proposal plan that I dubbed 'Operation Wingspan' (hence the username). Every single day, I'd give her a sweet handwritten note to wake up to, all marked with a date in varying date notations (17-12, 20/2, |3-10|, etc.), all with a different text. Each note would have a letter indicated by said date notation. I would clue this solving method on the last dated note she'd receive and when combined/solved correctly, these notes would spell out the text (translated): "My dear [GF], Today, on the 10th of March 2023 on our trip through [getaway location], I want to ask you to marry me after ten years. I love you and want you by my side for the rest of my life. [GF], will you marry me?" The day after the final (dated) note, I'd properly ask the question at this scenic view along a nature trail that we intend to walk. I've less than 10 notes left to give. I'm both ecstatic and extremely nervous to ask the question proper and to reveal what I have been doing for the past six months. I hope I surprise her with the act, I hope she likes the ring I bought her, I hope she enjoys the puzzle I've left her. But most importantly, I really really hope she will say yes. *In the comments:* She's brilliant and while not necessarilly a massive fan of puzzles like this, she does enjoy solving them if presented. The fact she's not been looking for a solution right away is what I've been counting on a little 😅 > I would also love to see the clues and how this was done without her working it out before the date? OOP: Thank you for the kind words! To answer your question, had it been in English I would love to open up the private subreddit fully after the fact but it isn't so that'd make it tough to decipher knowing you're on the right track. It also adds some PI [personal info] that I prefer not to share though I could likely mask that by omitting the dates and notes in question. I can translate the final note I'm giving that clues in that there's more to these though, and maybe provide a few examples. Here's the former: "One hundred and seventynine notes, and date by date, they all spell out my love for you." *Pictures of some of the notes:* [Example 1](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1077202863224279114/1081485667621687386/RDT_20230304_0854328345630000614999192.jpg) Answer: (emptyspace) j [Example 2](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1077202863224279114/1081485666917044234/RDT_20230304_0853354980583902956023252.jpg) Answer: (emptyspace) o [Example 3](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1077202863224279114/1081485667130941450/RDT_20230304_0855513264883876732453496.jpg) Answer: (emptyspace) m [Example 4](https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/1077202863224279114/1081485667349037126/RDT_20230304_0855207373964824775353580.jpg) Answer: (empty space) i EDIT: right image with the right answer this time. Also added some empty space to not give away the answer through the length of the spoiler box [Update 9 Days Later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11o2s7i/update_i_have_been_proposing_to_my_gf_for_6_months/) A little over a week ago, I posted here about how I have been proposing to my girlfriend for the past 6 months. Today, I've popped the question for real. We had a rocky start of the day, but we eventually started our trek through Scotland. We'd rented a car with the intent of visiting the beautiful nature of the highlands. I was nervous the whole day and could barely sleep the night prior, and my inexperience driving on the left side and the roads being a bit tight here and there didn't help matters much either. After a few stops on the way up north, we eventually arrived at Altnafeadh, where, while she was taking pictures of the gorgeous landscape, including the vast plains, the imposing mountainside and this tiny white house to offset against it. (Look it up if you haven't heard of it. It's magnificent). At one point, when she was with her back towards me to focus on the picture and the nearby area was devoid of other people, I got down on one knee and was ready to pop the question, trying (and failing) to use the line that I had conjured over nearly 180 notes. Upon turning back to me, she was in complete awe when she saw me, and could barely utter a single word after I asked the question, and just nodded instead (and followed it up with a soft yes). She mentioned to me after the shock died down that she didn't hear anything I said, only registering her name and the word 'marry'. Her face was frozen with this smile of utter disbelief once she put on the ring (which she absolutely LOVES). It took well over 20 minutes until she was able to speak cohesively again. We took some more pictures and videos before heading back to the car, where I could finally tell how she could have known for almost 6 months. As I was telling her about the work I'd done, without giving away the solving method, you could see the wheels turn in her head. However, with the emotion and disbelief of the proposal still dominating her thoughts, her processing speed was very slow. Still, once she knew it was a puzzle she desperately wanted to solve it. After some more giddy talking and eventually driving to our next hotel, I provided her with the final clue again and some of the notes. I'd informed the hotel of my intents upon reservation so they'd been so nice as to set a congratulatory gift in the form of chocolate covered strawberries and more delicious fruit. Once she started solving, it took her a bit to understand but eventually she figured out how to solve the puzzle and it made her even happier. Right now, she's fast asleep cuddling up to me, exhausted from the tumultuous day, while I am writing this update for all of you and for myself to process it all as well. I feel like the luckiest man in the world. EDIT in advance: For those wondering why it's 180 and not 183 (half of 365): I asked 2 days early so I wouldn't be on edge the entire weekend and February is a thing. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ti9r0/i_have_been_proposing_to_my_gf_for_6_months/

11ti9r0

A father discovers his son's massive pet snake

CONCLUDED

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/[bigfuckinsnek](https://www.reddit.com/user/bigfuckinsnek/) in r/parenting\*\* this user has been suspended for reasons unknown. While I'm marking this concluded, because decisions were made, we do not find out about the results of those decisions. &#x200B; Since this is about snakes, here's some snake facts to block spoilers. The reticulated python (Malayopython reticulatus) is the longest snake in the world, regularly reaching over 6.25 metres in length. Reaching a maximum adult length of only 10.4 cm (4.1 inches) and an average weight of 0.6 g (0.02 ounce), the Barbados threadsnake, (Leptotyphlops carlae) is thought to be the world's smallest known snake. &#x200B; trigger warnings: >!animal neglect!< mood spoilers: >!Seems like things will be okay for the snake and that the kid will receive more active parenting!< &#x200B; \[ **My son has been hiding a massive python in his room** \]([https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/11normx/my\_son\_has\_been\_hiding\_a\_massive\_python\_in\_his/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/11normx/my_son_has_been_hiding_a_massive_python_in_his/)) - March 10 2023 &#x200B; My son is 15 and he is has been into snakes for a couple of years now. He got his first ball python at 10 and now he is 15 and he has several snakes. His room is just full of tanks. The freezer in the garage is full of frozen rodents. He buys them with his allowance, and more recently his casual job. My wife doesn’t like it so she just doesn’t open the freezer in the garage or go into his room. When he was younger I used to help him with thawing the rodents and cleaning the tanks, but as the years went on and he seemed like he was on top of it all I kind of just let him do his thing. I haven’t checked on his snakes in a while. To my knowledge, he hasn’t killed any of his snakes yet. Sometimes I take him to the pet store and he buys little fancy hides for his snakes or a few bags of wood chips, but we live pretty close so usually he bikes himself there. He loves his snakes, they all have names. I see him walking around the house with a corn snake around his neck sometimes. I thought he was really responsible. He’s seemed a bit stressed out and not like himself lately, so I’ve been telling him he can tell me anything he needs to and we don’t need to tell his mom. Guy stuff. I thought there was a girl at school or something, but eventually I poked my head into his room and immediately noticed one of his tanks had the biggest snake I’ve ever seen. I used to have a snake before I got married so I thought I would be able to adequately supervise his new hobby but somehow my son got his hands on a huge snake. I don’t know how big it is, but it’s two or three times the size of all the other snakes he has. It looks way too big for the tank it’s in. I’ve never seen such a huge snake before. The poor thing is jammed in a 40 galleon tank. I only got him 40 galleon tanks because I THOUGHT he only had balls and corns. I asked him where he got the snake. He didn’t want to tell me. I told him that he couldn’t keep the snake, it was just too huge. To say he is heartbroken is an understatement. I don’t even know how to describe how big this fucking snake is. My wife would absolutely lose her shit if she knew about this monster snake we have under our roof. Not gonna lie, I about blew a gasket. I told him that it was really cruel to keep such a large snake in such a small tank. It can’t even slither around, there’s just no room. I think my son knows what he’s doing is wrong, but he doesn’t want to give up the snake. My son is usually such a good young man but he wouldn’t tell me anything about this gigantic snake. I did some googling but I have no idea if it’s a burm or a retic or what. Some kind of massive python. My son is a bit on the smaller side, I have no idea how he’s been dealing with such a massive snake on his own or how he’s been feeding it. I know how dangerous big snakes can be for one person. I am absolutely kicking myself knowing what could have happened to him in his own bedroom without my knowledge. I immediately started looking for somewhere to take the snake in and give it the proper care it needs. I have been in touch with a local zoo and a local reptile expert, we are working on it together, so it’s just a matter of days till the big snake finds a home that can care for it properly. It cannot stay where it is, and it won’t. The advice I’m looking for is how to navigate this with my son. I don’t know how to make him understand why he can’t keep the snake. I’m also worried he will never forgive me for taking his pet away. He can keep all his other snakes, just not the one that is probably heavier than he is. I need to know what kind of snake it is and where the fuck he got it. I’m also debating telling my wife or not. She is also an animal lover and will back me up about the snake not belonging in such a small tank, but I know she’s going to lose her mind. She’s terrified of snakes and will probably get herself a hotel room till we can rehome the snake. She will be mad at me too, so right now I am of the mind what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. TL;DR discovered my son has a GIANT python hidden away in his room. He can’t give the snake the care it needs, so I am going to rehome it. How do I navigate the fallout with my son and wife? &#x200B; Comment from a user - CatholicKay >Is it a reticular python? My sister almost got tricked into buying a baby one and the seller told her it would only get so big. This was at a reputable reptile convention. It was a hatchling. Someone thankfully told her the truth. She almost bought it and my parents had no idea she was even going to get a snake that day. It would have been the same situation in the end lol > >Makes me wonder how long he had it for and if he got it when it was small but didn't know it would get so big. It would explain his attachment to it too, but in the end it will cause the snake to suffer. &#x200B; Some of the posters were pretty concerned by the hands-off approach in parenting. >I’m more concerned that no adult has checked a teen boy’s room for this long. &#x200B; >Does no one vacuum or dust? How about change bed sheets? I am beyond amazed and disgusted that a parent not go into their kids bedroom for two years. Who is cleaning the room? The kid wakes up every day, no need to do that either? &#x200B; >Maybe your son needs a limit on how many pet snakes he has? > >Also...I love snakes, appreciate their role within a balanced ecology, but personally (and I'll get downvoted for this, oh well), I think keeping snakes (along with myriad other 'exotic' or even just run-of-the-mill wild animals like deer, raccoons, etc.) is incredibly cruel. These are animals that don't have millenia of domestication-oriented breeding and human interrelationships to inform their behavior. They're wired to be wild and they will be. I think they're beautiful and valuable, but personally, I just think it's wrong. Keeping them supports a terrible industry lucrative. > >Obviously nobody here is going to change their behavior based on one rando internet person's opinions, but OP you may want to consider chatting with your son about having a reasonable limit on how many pets he has. I'm not saying he's doing this, but animal hoarding is totally a thing. Sounds like you're reacting with as much reason and compassion as you can in a weird, highly charged situation. > >Whatever the case, when the snake gets measured, please update us. I'm curious about how big it actually is (and yes, that is what she said). &#x200B; Someone had an idea for making this easier on his wife: >Preemptively get your wife the hotel room. Make it somewhere nice, with a spa or restaurant. Be honest with her but give her that escape (plus some pampering). Talk to your son. Explain all the reasons, safety, animal care, etc. Validate that he’s upset it can’t stay. All future pets BEFORE entering the home will need to be discussed and everyone in the home will need to agree to said pet. &#x200B; \------------------- The update was edited into the same thread UPDATE: I posted this less than two hours after the discovery of the snake and tensions were high. Now I’ve been to work and my son has been to school and we’ve both had time to cool off and he’s had time to think about his choices and actions. When I saw him again this evening he came right up to me and told me what I needed to know. [u/CatholicKay](https://www.reddit.com/u/CatholicKay/) was right on the money with their comment. Apparently he got this snake two years ago at a reptile convention we went to together. He bought two snakes that day and I assumed they were both ball pythons, but apparently one was a baby burmese python. He said he knew it would get bigger but was unprepared for how quickly it grew. He has been spending most of his allowance and paycheques on feeding it several large rats at a time so it won’t starve. Because he’s had it so long he is very attached, but he was really stressed about it because he knew the tank was too small and he wasn’t equipped to look after it. But he didn’t want to tell me about it because he knew I would get mad and immediately make him give it up, which is exactly what happened. We’re going to tell my wife together in about an hour and have a family meeting. A lot of people have suggested getting her a hotel room which I think is a fantastic idea, I’ll also be booking her a spa session. Some of your comments were a little hard to read, I have been a little hands-off about his snake collection, so from now on I will be more involved and supervise a little closer. I think he’s learned his lesson though. He is no longer upset about losing his snake, but he is still upset about how he kept it in such awful conditions for so long. I think he will wear this for a long time, so I’m going to focus on solving this problem and not give him too much of a hard time about it. I’m not pleased that he let this happen, I’m furious with myself for not picking up on it sooner, but at the end of the day I’m proud of him that he’s mature enough to own his mistake and make it right. We have secured a temporary home for the big snake and it will be relocated tomorrow morning. The local reptile expert is coming to our house tomorrow (with backup) to pick the snake up and take it on temporarily, assess its health and get it acclimatized to being in an appropriately sized enclosure, and then it will be going to a zoo in the next state over. We will make a trip to go visit it once it’s settled in, and my son appreciated the suggestion that he volunteer at a reptile center or wildlife sanctuary. We also watched a really informative video on YouTube about how to properly care for a Burmese python, it’s called Clint’s Reptiles, so I’m glad this experience has been slightly educational for him. Tonight is going to be challenging, and tomorrow will be tough, but I would like to thank you all for your advice. &#x200B; \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\*

frieden7

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11tqwpu/a_father_discovers_his_sons_massive_pet_snake/

11tqwpu

TIFU-by going out at a nearby restaurant by myself at midnight

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/throwRAfoodie_76 **TIFU-by going out at a nearby restaurant by myself at midnight** Originally posted to r/TIFU [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/11nr2v8/tifuby_going_out_at_a_nearby_restaurant_by_myself/) March 10, 2023 I (36F) have a secret. I am a mother of two kids who are 5F and 8F. I barely get time for myself during the day. I work in a field where I always have to deal with kids. It can get really exhausting. My husband, Dave (35M) is an early bird. He always goes to sleep at sharp 10pm. So does my kids. I am more of a night owl. I don't usually go to sleep till 2am. I either watch a show or read a book. That is the only relaxing time I get for myself. About 6 months ago, I discovered a pizzeria in my town. They opened recently. The pizza was one of the best I have ever had. I have been going there after my husband and kids go to bed. It is a 5 minute walking distance. The pizzeria is open till 3am. I have eaten there a lot but I can say during the night they make the best pizza. I always go there and order one medium pizza. They also have a dessert section where they serve cakes, ice-cream, gelatos and cheesecake. This is the time when I feel blissful when I am eating alone and no one is around. It is my own sanctuary. I would always come home as soon as I was done eating. I don't do this more often. Just once or twice a month. The times I would plan to go there I wouldn't eat much for dinner. My husband doesn't know. Maybe because they are heavy sleepers and don't notice that I am gone. I know a lot of you are questioning why I don't just order it. I know I can but those 10 minute walks are very good. Plus if I ordered at home I had to hide the boxes of foods.It would have been difficult to explain.There are hardly any people on the streets. Our neighborhood is pretty safe. I know how to defend myself so the dangers are low. I always make sure my kids and Mr. Husband are deep asleep when I go out. I always check the windows and the doors before going out. I always lock the doors too. So far it has just been good. I needed this time alone for myself. It's not like I always eat there. I usually eat healthy but sometimes I don't mind going full Nikocado Avocado. I exercise a lot and keep my health in check. So today when I woke up I saw my husband in the kitchen with the bill. I forgot to throw the bill. My husband was upset. I can tell in his mind he might be thinking something else. I told him I can explain. He said, "Why do I have this restaurant bill from yesterday at 1am. Was I meeting someone that I shouldn't? I told him the truth. I did nothing wrong but I know hiding it from him was not a good idea at all. I confessed everything that I have been doing for the last 6 months. He looked at me suspiciously. I don't think he bought my explanation. He said nothing and went to work. I have been calling him but he keeps ignoring me. The last message I got was that he also found other receipts and is in a dilemma if all of this is true. He was upset that I hid something like this from him. I understand. I would never do anything to hurt him. I would never cheat on him. I love him a lot. It was just an innocent little secret of mine. I really messed up. I don't think he believes me. I should have just told him I was going out to eat so that he doesn't have to be so suspicious. I know that my husband wouldn’t have said anything to me if I just told him earlier. I don’t know why I decided to keep it a secret. Maybe it was because I had the thrill of “sneaking out”. But anyways, I have to think of a plan to make my husband not be upset with me. TL;DR: I have been eating out alone at midnight all by myself. My husband found the receipts and suspects that I was cheating on him. I am so fucked. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Dragonic_Smile >You could tell him to go ask the restaurant staff if you were alone, maybe that will allieviate his fears? The staff should remember their regulars, right? >I get why you did it, sometimes I want to get some alone time, but I also get why hes upset. Like someone else said, his brain is going through the worst case scenarios. He may also feel left out. Maybe talk to him about arranging some time for you both together and get a babysitter in or a family member to watch the kids and include him in an excursion. Or if you desperately do need the alone time, talk to him about it. OOP replied >It's not like we never go out. We do go out on dates alone whenever we can get a sitter. This is one thing my husband is consistent about. Last year we went on a weekend vacation just the two of us. I like spending time with him. But sometimes, I just need me-time. And this 10 minute walk and eating pizza is just that. But on the other hand, I know the owner really well, we used to chat sometimes when I go there. He knows my husband, because I showed him a picture of my family. He is a good man and might listen to my request. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/11od6zi/tifuby_going_out_at_a_nearby_restaurant_by_myself/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 11, 2023 A lot of you guys have been asking me for an update. So, I am making one and be done with it. First of all, those who asked how can one person eat a medium pizza. Well, I have a really big appetite. (don't judge). Also whenever I decide to go to that pizzeria I only eat a small bowl of salad that night and nothing else. Plus they have thick crust on pizza and I don't like to eat the crust. I like the pizza because the sauce is impeccable. Also, to those who asked why I hid from him. I just didn't want him to make a fuss about me going out at night. I don't think this is controlling like many of suggested. He just cares about me a lot and worries. Plus, I didn't want to wake him up in the middle of the night just to tell him where I am going out to eat pizza or have him being worried too much about it. So, onto the update, I decided to tell my husband, Dave everything. I even decided that when he comes home, I will take him to that pizza place and talk to the owner, Saul (fake name). Usually my husband comes home by 6pm but that day he texted me and said he will be late and not eat dinner without him. I was confused and scared. He came home at 9pm. He wasn't empty handed he had 3 boxes of pizza for us. One of which was meat lovers pizza which I like. It was from Saul's place. He sat me down and told me when he found the receipt his mind went on a rampage of imagining worst possible scenarios. He went to the pizza place to see if it is true or not. He went there by himself and some of the staff recognized him. I know some of the staff there and they know my husband too because I do talk about my family to them sometimes when they are making my pizza. He also met the owner. Saul confirmed that I would sometimes come to his shop to eat alone. Dave and Saul chatted for a while and he also gave a discount on the pizza and gave us free cheesecake and gelatos. Now, he was a little serious. He said he doesn't mind if I go out and eat some pizza in the middle of the night. He understands that sometimes we just need some space. He is upset that I hid this from him which is understandable. He made some valid points too. What if sometime happened to me and he gets call from the police. It would create a huge drama. What if in the middle of the night he or the girls wakes up and doesn't find me. It will obviously scare him. What if the girls needed me and there was an emergency. I now understand it better that I should have just informed him about these nightly outings of mine. I apologized for not telling him and putting him in a position that sounds affair-y. I also explained that I didn't want him to worry about me. And also, I did thought about telling him about it before but I just didn't know how to approach it. I mean doesn't sound weird when I say "hey babe, when everyone goes to sleep I sneak out and eat pizza alone." Dave and I both laughed. He also apologized for doubting me in the first place. He said I do not have to worry so much about it. And if I ever have these midnight cravings, I can just leave a note at his nightstand. That way if he ever wakes up he knows where I am and where to find me in case of any emergency. And also told me I can order in if I want to. Well, then we had our pizza dinner with our girls who were really happy to eat pizza. Dave bought a large one for me. A medium is good but it is hard for me to consume a large one. Dave said he might check this pizza place alone sometimes because it is literally the second time he is eating there. After we were done, I put my girls into bed and we adults enjoyed some of the gelatos with each other and later off each other. 😉 So that's just it. No drama, no fighting. I decided that I would order in sometimes. Though I like walking there, I also love being lazy sometimes. Also to those people who are saying that I am cheating on my husband and me going out to eat without telling him is similar to cheating, you guys really need to chill. Yeah, I am having an affair with meat lovers pizza, Ya happy? I agree there was miscommunication from my part but you guys are really stretching this thing for absolutely no reason at all. I am also baffled by some people thinking that just because I hid this from my husband I can hide an affair too. That is some serious accusation. Also to those who said my husband is controlling or abusive, hold your woke horses. My husband is loving and caring. He doesn't control me or stops me from doing something I want unless it is bad or harmful. This was a mistake from my part and his reaction was normal for anyone in the situation. Don't judge a relationship that you are not part of it. We sorted this out like an adult. I hope in future it will be one of those memories we will laugh about. TL;DR: Talked to my husband and sorted everything out. I am still going for the pizza. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11uccgz/tifuby_going_out_at_a_nearby_restaurant_by_myself/

11uccgz

I (18 F) have apparently been dating my best friend (19 M) for an entire year but didn’t know until today. Need help asking him about it.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA09876544435 (OOP has since deleted her account) **I (18 F) have apparently been dating my best friend (19 M) for an entire year but didn’t know until today. Need help asking him about it.** Trigger warning: >!sexism, emotional abuse, verbal abuse!< Originally posted to r/relationship_advice [OriginalPost - since removed](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11miksm/i_18_f_have_apparently_been_dating_my_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 8, 2023 [Original Post recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11miksm/i_18_f_have_apparently_been_dating_my_best_friend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) This is going to be such a “suffering from successful” post, but bear with me for a second. I’ve known him for 5 years, different classes and courses but same friend group. Over time, he has genuinely become one of the best people I know, and it’s only getting better everyday. I can’t lie and say he’s not my type; nerdy, charming, sweet, funny, flirty with the right amount of awkward. He comes pick me up from class. Plays hockey without being a douchebag to the skaters. And most importantly, gets treats for my cat. Multiple strangers have mistaken us for a couple, even close people like our friends, professors, and worst of all, my family. He’s kinda perfect, but I’ve never even thought of putting the moves on him, he’s never shown romantic interest in me, we’re friends, nothing more. Or that’s what I thought. Today, he was spending the afternoon at my dorm, something he started about a year now. We’re laying on my bed mindlessly watching sonic cartoons when he says (verbatim) “So, baby, where do you wanna go this friday?” Matter of fact, this is the first time I’ve been called baby by him, so that kinda shocked me. Instead of asking why, I froze and was just like “What’s happening friday?” He turns to me and KISSES ME (again, first time thing with us), hugs my waist and goes “Our 1 year anniversary, idiot. I’m making reservations.” At this point, I’m frozen. I genuinely don’t know what to say. I’m gobsmacked. The dude I thought was my best friend, who never even showed interest in the dating thing, is under the idea that we’ve been dating for a whole year. I’m silent while he continues hugging me and scrolling on his phone, racking my brain thinking about what to tell him when his phone starts ringing. It’s his mom, which he puts on speaker and she deadass goes “Hi. Are you still with your girlfriend?” Oh, so now his mom thinks we’re dating too?! He tells her yes, asks why she called. She asks for his help with private stuff I will not divulge here, he turns to me and goes “Sorry, I’ll be back in a bit, sweetheart.” I just nodded. I was just like “Alright, see you in a bit.” No questions, no screaming, just acceptance. He gets up to put on his sneakers and leans down to kiss me again, which I just accept at this point. It’s a nice kiss besides the fact that my mind is somewhere else. He leaves and I get a text from his coach “Tell (boyfriend’s name) to come tomorrow at 19, he’ll only listen if it’s you” Tf you mean only me?! You’re the responsible adult tasked with training these hockey players, why do you depend on me bringing him to you?! But that led me to a rabbit hole of finding out who knows we’re dating. Apparently, majority of the people I talk to think we’re dating, or if I’m being correct here, KNOW we’re dating, and just, have never mentioned it to me… I don’t think it’s a prank solely on the fact that his mom called me his girlfriend. They don’t have the closest relationship. She is a very traditional, conservative and religious korean woman. Always serious and does not play around. When she realized early on that her son did not agree with many of her opinions, she stopped caring for him to the fullest, only keeping it civil for the rest of the family and friends. There’s nothing he could’ve done to have her go along with something like this, especially when she wants him to marry young with a nice korean girl, which I’m not. Also, he just does not seem like the guy to play with people like this. He might be dumb and oblivious, but not horrible. I don’t know what to do now, I mean, he’s a great guy don’t get me wrong, and if the last 5 years are anything to go by, he would be (is?) a great boyfriend, maybe even in the future a husband. But, I’ve never looked at him that way, so I can’t say I love him. When this occurred, it was like the glass shattered and I saw how differently he looked at me, how he talked and acted, stuff that never changed since the beginning but for some reason I’ve never noticed. I can’t sit here and pretend I love him like that, I wasn’t thinking about him in that sense all this time. But, on the other side, I don’t want to hurt him. He clearly thinks we’ve been together for that long so he has to have strong feelings for me, and I don’t want to step on them and scar him like that. I can’t just keep dating him though, something that I’ve apparently been doing for a year. I could learn to love him eventually, it wouldn’t take much to be honest, but it wouldn’t be fair to him or me. In my defence, who dates someone and just does not ask them about it. If the roles were reverse and a year ago something happened where I was like “shit, I love him, this was probably a date, we’re probably dating right now” I would’ve confirmed with him or at the very least said something for the following year, not only at the 1 year mark. I just don’t know what to do. I’m scared and angry, disappointed in myself for not recognizing the situation sooner. Feel like I’m stuck between the sword and the wall. Last thing I want is to hurt him, but I also don’t want to lie to him. How should I go on about this with him? TLDR: My best friend believes we’ve been dating for a year, alongside our friends and families. He’s never ask me, so now I don’t know the best way to approach him about this. Please help. Update: Before you comment, I’ve sent a text for us to meet up and I somewhat already know what I’m gonna say to him. I’ll try and do an update post after the 48 hours pass. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** WishGullible5142 >I can understand the not kissing, from a religious point of view. >I can understand the take it slow from a purely Conservative dating standpoint. >I can not on the other hand understand why you have no pet names for each other. Is anyone from Korea? How do you guys do stuff over there? Maybe it's a cultural thing and though a year was long enough to move the "relationship" along? How does he pinpoint the anniversary? Did any thing Change 1 year ago OP? OOP replied >I’m white and he wasn’t born in korea, but his family still holds traditions even in a foreign country. >There were no pet names, because there was no relationship, it was never even suggested >nothing really changed a year ago worth noting, I went back to check on messages and Google photos, nothing important. >I’ve already sent him a message to meet up after practice, he said yes, so I’ll have a talk with him soon [Update - since removed](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11of1tk/update_i_18f_have_apparently_been_dating_my_best/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 11, 2023 [update recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11of1tk/update_i_18f_have_apparently_been_dating_my_best/) Turns out he’s just dumb and sad. Or maybe crazy and psychotic. I did give him way too much benefit of the doubt. I read a lot of comments and messages that were sent to me privately on what I should do. Big thank you to everyone, majority of you were nice and helpful. Also big sorry for the sweet lady wishing me a happy future marriage, not happening soon. And to the people saying it was fake, if I had created a good love story, I would’ve sold it to Netflix or HBOMax or Wattpad instead of being a loser and asking reddit for fake help. I brought it up to my psychiatrist, showed her the reddit post I made, a few of the messages I’ve received and she basically had the attitude of “Hey, remember that great guy, well he’s a piece of shit now, so let’s learn about moving on and not reminiscing on a broken friendship” which I think is the best way to go in about this. Now, tbh I don’t remember much because I wanted to cry from the moment he started talking. Also I was quiet and only spoke very little because I did not want to make a bigger scene than it already was. I just let him talk for a few hours and then dipped. Towards the end, he was shouting and unpredictable, people were looking and I just wanted to go home. I decided that we should meet up in a public space. Before his practice, I sent him a text and asked if he wanted to meet up at a coffee shop we both know. He called, said yes and “You sound serious, should I be worried?” to which I said “honestly, yes, you should” He told me to stop joking and then went on to his practice. Fast forward a couple hours, I’m sitting there and he comes in, sits in front of me and thanks me for the food I ordered for him. We start eating. I’m a nervous wreck and he realises, which led to him asking “Are you really ok, (My name)? You didn’t seem good a while ago, and from what you said, I’m actually worried now” So I lay it out on him. I ask him why he thinks we’re dating, why does so everyone else and what led to him thinking that. Now, he’s just quiet and I’m just looking at him not say anything. Stuff after this is a bit fuzzy because I just wanted to cry. This next shit came very out of the blue for me as well, it´s just fucking weird looking back on it. He said something like “I didn’t really think we could actually date if I asked you up front” to which I said “that’s how relationships usually work tho, you ask” to which led him on a tangent about women in general. Opinions that he shared with me and said to my eyes with no regret. What I saw in front of me was no longer my best friend of 5 years, it was a boy who grew up to be a man and to have a very damaging idea of women. Stuff that I could assign to immaturity, but he had nicer things to say when he was 14 than what he told me now. I just interrupted him and asked what led him to think about women this way, since he never let his family, most predominantly his mother (tbh I don’t think even the most conservative women in the world would say what he said, but his mother still has some not so nice beliefs about women) influence him into these antiquated ideas. He was quiet for a while and that did give me some pity, until he opened that mouth of his again “You know, there’s these podcasts.” That let me know everything I needed to. “Oh so you’re a Tate fanboy now?” He starts arguing and yelling that it’s not him but that they know what’s right and wrong, how things should be and to be honest, I’m not really listening to him at this point, I just want to get out of there and cry. I’m listening, but nothing is registering. Some of the milder things he started yelling are about women and our relationship with food and how we should have a limited amount, how we’re so vulnerable and emotional, ready to blame men for everything and how we start yelling at every minute inconvenience (which is funny in hindsight), how menstrual stuff was A HOAX and that I was no doubt lying when I couldn’t walk from my period pains because “I wanted his attention” and that “no girl can possibly feel a greater pain that a man” He also said that when we were talking about his course - something to do with car parts - it was not “cute” and “sweet” of me (let alone women in general) to act dumb and pretend I’m clueless, because that does not make me more appealing (I genuinely don’t fucking know how a car works, my fucking bad) I tell him that if this is all a big joke, it’s not funny. He interrupts me and talks about how he listens to these men but doesn’t tell anyone cuz he knows I and our friends wouldn’t agree, tells me I’m not a “perfect woman” (whatever that means) but that he would still like to date me but couldn’t tell me because I’d say no and “ruin his fantasy” hmmmm… Im crying now, and people are noticing, so I just want to get out of there immediately. I tell him (not verbatim, but along the lines) “You’re so fucking stupid, (Name)! You genuinely could’ve dated me, if only you had asked. You could’ve had everything but you started listening to opinions of guys who have nothing. How sad can you be to pull a stunt like this instead of asking like a normal person?” He starts yelling that I’m wrong and they know what is right, starting a whole rant that I don’t have the strength to listen to. I stand up, start walking and he grabs my arm. More people are staring. I tell him to let go and he only does when I threaten to call the police. I left telling him to never speak to me again. I am now home. I’ve blocked him on everything and told some friends what happened. They were all shocked by how he acted and what he said. One guy did tell me “He was always easy to influence tho”. I asked why they thought we were dating and they told me it was how we acted like a couple (I guess that one is on me) combined with the fact that HE TOLD THEM YES WHEN THEY ASKED and since the behavior checked out, they just never thought to talk about it with me. I’m not responding to any of them right now. To be honest, I’m moving cities in a few months with my family. I used to cry about it nonstop because I’d have to leave all my friends here, including him and that was the last thing I wanted. Now, I’m kinda glad I don’t have to worry about bumping into him. I just feel distraught, like, that was a nice friendship, it was a pillar of my childhood and now it’s just gone. He said and did some nasty things, even if it was in the span of a few hours. If up until moving he comes up to me personally or tries to pick me up from class, I’ll repeat that I do not want him in my life anymore. If push comes to shove, I’ll call the police, not that I’d think they’d do anything tho. I’m also sharing my location with both my older brother and father; yes it might be a bit “delusional” and not needed, but you never know. He was a great guy and we did have a good friendship up until he decided to view women as objects and date one without asking because “he deserves it” I just can’t stop crying. I really thought I knew him, and for him to be able to spew those words and opinions at me like that, stuff he’s always been against from what I remember, it was shocking. It’s only been a few hours but it’s already weird not having that constant text or call happening. I feel like it’s kinda empty but I don’t want someone like that next to me. The worst for me is that I see no change. He has no sisters and his mother does somewhat think that way as well, and so does his father. Maybe coach could help, but idk. I just feel “betrayed ???”, I guess. It feels stupid to say but it’s true. I mean, I get men like this every single day, every girl does. It goes from professors who know me to drivers who are seeing me for the first time. Comments vary from just telling me I’m pretty to more gruesome stuff, I’m used to it. I just never expected it to be someone so close to me, that I trusted. I don’t know when he started thinking like this but now it has me feeling all gross and dirty. If he thinks like this about me and never said it, I don’t even want to know what he thinks about our mutual trans friend, what his opinions are actually like when he’s always been nice and respectful to her. It does help me chuckle a bit that some of the things he said were just so textbook misogyny that it seems he learned them on a joker sigma instagram account. That is so stupid it’s kinda hilarious if you omit the part where he said rape is not a real problem. So, that is that. I thought I had a nice friend by my side, but guess not. Never trust a guy, even if you grew up with him, they’ll disappoint you eventually. EDIT: You know what, fuck this, some of you guys suck. I thought this was a subreddit to help and give advice and yet im still getting dm´s over this being fake and overall clowning me. Like, im sorry if i write in a weird way, but this shit did happen. Do you guys only believe women when they show up dead in the news? I know it sounds insane, it also did to me. But please mind your words, if you're not gonna say something helpful or nice, don't say anything at all. I'm already having a horrible time with all of this and to have reddit men up my dms saying i lied and discrediting me cuz its not possible he'd do that, shut up, please, im begging you. Should have never posted this here to begin with, might just delete it altogether since apparently men only know how to point and laugh at a woman's experience **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ulyhm/i_18_f_have_apparently_been_dating_my_best_friend/

11ulyhm

(New Update)- OOP's ex-bestfriend has an affair with her ex-husband and few years later hires OOP to make birthday cake for their child.

NEW UPDATE

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Top_File_1560 in r/TrueOffMyChest and r/Advice\*\* *This is another post I find really interesting.* \*\*\*\*\*\*OOP FINALLY UPDATED ABOUT THE PARTY\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Getting cheated on and getting a divorce made me realize how much I was missing from life.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11anhjn/getting_cheated_on_and_getting_a_divorce_made_me/) \- 24 February 2023 I (33F) just wanted to share this with everyone who is going through a divorce or a heart break for a similar reason. I married someone who I loved with all my heart. We met in college and right after graduation we got married. I decided to stay home because my husband (34M) made a lot of money. I gave him everything. Supported his business, cooked for him, cleaned for him. Basically babied him a lot because I was in love with him. I thought if I was a good wife and nurtured him, he would love me back. And for like 5 years it was good. I discovered he was cheating on me when I found a random receipt from a hotel. I investigated a little and found out he was in fact cheating on me. And his AP was my bestfriend Kylie (31F). I was betrayed by 2 of my closest people. Kylie gave me a vague excuse that she didn't want to hurt me but she just fell in love with him. His excuse was "You do not make me feel special anymore. You have just got boring and let yourself go." I agree I was a little chubby back then because of my medicines. Also I was always tired to workout. I tried the path of reconciliation but failed. He left me for Kylie. This whole incident made me realize who are my real friends and who are fake ones. There were people who are neutral but only 2 of them, Josh and Marie were on my side and cut off Kylie. I was really devastated. I felt like without him, I was a no one. I lost my husband, my bestfriend, my house, my life. I stayed with Marie for a while. She offered me a small job in her catering business. I love food. When I was married, I would make different variety of food for my ex husband. Cooking was just very therapeutic to me. During that time, Marie's mom gave me some useful advice. That is "An average human lives for 75 years. You are already 27. Are you that stupid that you want to waste the rest of your life being sad over a man who never loved you?" That thing really stuck with me. I have trust issues because of my husband's infidelity. I had trouble dating so I skipped it for a while. I focused on working on myself. I socialized with a lot of people while I was catering and made a lot of connections. I always wanted to start a business of my own. And since I loved creating food a customer I was catering for actually gave me an idea to start a baking business. My friends also helped me a lot. I build a pretty small yet successful baking business within couple of years. I started to feel more of myself now that I am free. I didn't realize I had so much free time in my hands because I wasn't busy taking care of a large human. My house was clean. No one is putting dirty laundry on the floor. No one is telling me to make something else because they are not in mood for a certain dish. Nobody puts dirty dishes on the sink. I started to embrace this solidarity. I know those things I mentioned are not something that is big but it was a huge relief. Moreover, no one questions me whenever I go out. I don't have to answer anyone before going out. I can spontaneously go on a long drive and I don't have to ask for permission. I learned a new language within my free time. I focused more on family and friends who genuinely love me. And getting dumped has made me see the red flags I missed in my marriages. I used that as a lesson to steer clear of any trash men in my life. I dated few men but they didn't seem nice to me. But it didn't bother me a lot. I am happy being single and carefree. I see my divorce as a blessing to me rather than a curse. I do feel alone sometimes but recently I got a call from Kylie saying that she regrets marrying my ex. Because he never appreciates her and always puts the burden of everything on her. They have 2 kids now. But my ex doesn't help her with any chores. She is always tired and exhausted after taking care of 2 kids and an adult. It just made me realize that it would have been me if my husband didn't cheat on me with Kylie. I simply told her "well you said you loved him so he is your problem now. what's the point of coming to me?" That B!tch has the audacity to say she wanted a friend. I blocked her number. I don't want to be in their lives. Sometimes I feel like I missed my prime because I am now 33. It feels too old to start over. But I still have hope for love one day. I am currently dating a guy who is also divorced like me because his wife cheated on him. So we will see how that goes. &#x200B; [My ex-bestfriend, who married my ex-husband hired me to make a cake for her son's birth](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11e5pyv/my_exbestfriend_who_is_married_to_my_exhusband/) \- 28 February 2023 I (33F) am in a bit of dilemma. You see, my ex-bestfriend (31F) had an affair with my ex-husband (34M) when we were married. Our friendship fell apart right over there. I didn't have any contact with her until a month ago. She called me and said she is not happy with her life. I have moved in with my life. I don't need their shenanigans. I run a small baking business. It is relatively new. I only take orders for cakes on occasions like birthdays, graduation or reunion (except for weddings). I have some plans to expand it and also have a dream to open a bakery of my own one day. Few days ago, I get an order from my ex-bestfriend. She wanted me to make desserts for her son's 1st birthday. And she doesn't just want me to make a birthday cake. She also wants a dessert section in the birthday party. It is a huge order and the pay is good. It will be good for my business. But as you can see she and I have a history. This made me question. Why does she want me to do it? My ex comes from a well to do family. He also has a high paying job. She could easily hire the best baker in town. Why does she want me to do it? My business is not that big. It made me feel like she is trying to grab my attention. Or just trying to sabotage my business. Or maybe she wants to talk to me after I shunned her the last time. On the other hand, the business woman inside me says to take it, I know I can do it. The party is huge. There will be many people from affluent background. I can promote my business to those people. It will boost my revenue as well. I am thinking if I just avoid her as much as possible then it will be good. But I don't know. I am stuck in between. I need some good advice. &#x200B; *Some advices from the comments:* >Take it. Make them the best cake you can. Show them that you’re not bothered y either of them. The best payback is no payback. *OOP: Hey, at least this way I will get some money considering I wasted my 20s on an ungrateful manchild.* >I wonder if she is trying to annoy her husband? Just a thought. > >Maybe she is trying to do good thing? *OOP: I talk to a friend of mine about it after I got the order. She is in a catering business too. She said that maybe my ex-bestfriend just wants to compensate for what she has done to me. Like a charity.* >I don’t think there is a strong case *not* to do it. As you say, the money is good, the opportunity is great, if you’re serious about your business you take those opportunities when they come. The alternative is wondering ‘what might have been’ if you don’t take this order and that doesn’t sound like you. > >The question is, how much contact to have with this person. You could reach out, speak on the day, or just make the order and keep your distance. That side of things is completely up to you. > >The customer is always right about the product, quality, and service - but you are fully in control of how you navigate the situation beyond the professional. *OOP: I do ask customers about the kind of cake they want. So there is a lot of interaction. I could ask her to only contact me through email if she has any reference cake or any inquiry and only physically contact if necessary.* &#x200B; UPDATE from OOP's comments: [https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11e5pyv/comment/jbddo5i/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11e5pyv/comment/jbddo5i/) I totally forgot about this post. A lot of people have been asking me what I decided. Sorry to disappoint you guys I accepted the order. It looked too good to pass it to someone else. Call me a greedy businesswoman all you want. But like you said ask for advance payment. I did ask for it. They paid in advance. I always ask for advance full payment. I also minimized the contacts with my ex-bsf. So far the interaction between us has been through e-mail and also I have an assistant who is a family friend. He knows my situation and is a middle man. I am documenting everything. I know I am taking a huge risk with this. But I am willing to see where it goes. Also I got to know hiring me was my ex-husband's idea. Not hers. My ex heard about my service from a colleague of his and wanted to hire me. I haven't talked to my ex about this. Most of my communications has been with my ex-bsf. Nothing big happened. I am still working on it. I will post a full update after all of this is done. Stay tuned. &#x200B; \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* [NEW UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11oj5ek/update_my_exbestfriend_who_is_married_to_my/) \- 11 March 2023 Hi, guys. I have read your advice and suggestions. You all made some really good points. So, I decided to talk to my mom about it. I just needed her insights about this matter. She told me I should do what I want to do. My boyfriend also encouraged me to take the order. He says that if I had to stay to organize the dessert table he would be there for me. I took the order. And it turns out, it was my ex husband’s idea to hire me. Because one of his colleagues recommended my services to him. And it was sort of short notice so I had to rush this. Anyways, I kept it strictly about business. I did take the payment in advance just like some of you have mentioned. I always ask for advance payments. I mostly maintained communication through email. I have an assistant who is also a family friend of mine to handle all communications. My ex-bsf tried many times to meet with me in person, but I told her to just email me because I do have cake orders for other people too. I only had to meet her 1 time in person regarding the order. She sent me the details of the party over the email. And like I mentioned it was a huge order. I didn’t just have to make a birthday cake for the baby (it is pokemon themed). There were also cake pops, cupcakes and macarons. Luckily, I had my friend Marie over for some help (yes, I did pay her). So, like usual I went to deliver the cakes and other stuff for the party. There was already a table set at the venue. My boyfriend, Josh (35M) came with me to support me and to keep me away from my ex-husband and ex-bsf as much as possible. As I was busy with myself, my ex approached me and said hello. Ngl, seeing him after so many years my heart just stopped. This man has given me the worst pain you could possibly give to a human. I am glad I held my composure. I also said hello back. He tried to have a small talk with me by saying that he is sorry about how things went down and what he said and also I looked better than the last time he saw me. Then he drops a big bomb, he said all these years he has thought of me, wondering what I was doing even though he is happy with his married life. I was silent. I didn’t say a word. He just kept spewing that he misses me and my cooking. My homemade french onion soup is still his favorite. He misses that every time he gets sick with a flu. I didn’t know what to say. At that moment Josh noticed that my ex was making me uncomfortable and he rushed towards me with a fake emergency. He asked if I was ok, I said yes. After the table setting was done, I was about to leave, that’s when I saw my ex-FIL along with other guests. He noticed me and came to give me a hug. My ex-FIL is a very humble man. In fact he was the only man who was on my side when I was going through a divorce with his son. He looked really happy to see me and asked me how I was. He started to chat with me. I talked to him about my business and he gave me some advice. He even talked to my boyfriend. He called Josh a “pretty standard guy” (whatever that means). Ex-FIL was nice and said he would suggest my services to his friends too. He insisted that I stay until lunch is served. I said no a couple of times but he managed to convince me. I only stayed for 1 more hour or so. But I was fine. I did notice that my ex-bsf was eyeing me from the corner. I was fine because Josh was beside me the whole time. I chatted with some guests. They appreciated my service. I didn’t have any more conversations with my ex. I didn’t even stay for the cake cutting. I left the first chance I got but my assistant stayed to make sure everything was fine and for the clean up. It was overwhelming for me. I saw some of my old friends and my in-laws. My MIL avoided me and some of my old friends just said hello. Later that day I got a message from my ex-bsf on my work email that she liked my service and that her guests really liked my cakes and desserts. She also said sorry. That’s not where it ends. I got to know from my friend Marie, who is still in contact with some of my old friend group that my ex-bsf is not happy with her marriage. When my ex and her are in public they would often fight a lot. They also fight on the day of their kid’s birthday. Tbh I just told her to not bring me the gossip about her. But the silver lining is I got a huge fat check lol. I can finally buy a new sugar printer or maybe a good quality oven. Also, I just want to appreciate my boyfriend Josh. He has been incredibly supportive of me. He has protected me from my ex and ex-bsf like a knight. I think he deserves his own cake from me. 😉 And I know a lot of you told me not to take it. But I guess I am just a greedy Mr. Krabs who cares more about the money rather than being classy hehe. But this is the last time I will be taking any orders from them. I know they have a 3 yr old daughter whose birthday will be in 2 months. I think they might try to hire me again. I will not take it if that happens. P. S. Yes my ex-bsf did try to communicate with me during the party but I managed to avoid it thanks to Josh and my ex-FIL. My ex-FIL knows about my situation and my discomfort with my ex-bsf. He kept me busy with small talk. &#x200B; **Reminder- I am not OP.**

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11us0r7/new_update_oops_exbestfriend_has_an_affair_with/

11us0r7

(New Update) My(f24) fiancé(m25) returned an award he was given at work, and he thinks it's the reason he wasn't promoted

NEW UPDATE

I am not OP; that would be [u/throwralorei](https://www.reddit.com/u/throwralorei/) I want to give credit to [u/Direct-Caterpillar77](https://www.reddit.com/u/Direct-Caterpillar77/) for the original BORU post. OOP's original post was trending at the top of r/ relationships before being locked, and her first update was provided five days later. Her most recent update was posted on 3/12/23. OOP also misspelled defamation of character as "deformation" by mistake, but someone helped to correct the term she was searching for in her second update [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11a1pvc/myf24_fianc%C3%A9m25_returned_an_award_he_was_given_at/): February 23rd, 2023 Hey guys. Long time lurker in need of some advice. My fiancé was recommended/given a training assignment some months back for a vacancy that would be opening, and he showed me a review at the end that he received where he received great remarks. However, to his surprise, he wasn't given the position, and he was the only person training for it. He's been feeling down the past couple of days, but he also told me something that I didn't know. A few weeks back, he was given an award in a meeting that he returned to his boss (same boss who recommended him for the vacancy) because he "doesn't like awards", and he never told me about it either. He also told his boss he "didn't appreciate being blindsided", and he admitted he was emotionally stressed from the meeting when he talked to him the same day. He also told him to never give him an award again, and he thinks that that's the reason he didn't get the promotion When I asked why he didn't tell me about it, he said that work was his space and that it didn't concern me, and that honestly hurt. He also said he's thinking about leaving the company, and he's been there since he interned in college. My mom said to suggest that he talk to a professional about why he was bothered by the award/our relationship, but dad said I should reconsider because he "created a fan to walk into" that hurt his career. I want to see if he'll talk to a professional before reconsidering, but dad said I shouldn't even give him a chance. I believe I'm making the right decision by seeing if he's open to it (not just for job stuff but also for our relationship), but I want to ask if I'm going about it correctly [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11f4foi/update_myf24_fianc%C3%A9m25_returned_an_award_he_was/): March 1st, 2023 Before suggesting therapy, I asked him to further explain why he returned the award when everything seemed to be going well for him, and I want to remind you that he showed me a written review of his training assignment (that he worked for a few months) that came back with great remarks (albeit nothing about returning the reward that had nothing to do with it). He said that he viewed work awards similar to participation trophies that he "wanted no part of". But when I asked if his reward was that, he said it was a certificate recognizing him for his work along with training/assisting others when his boss asked him to sometimes (mostly on computer when someone didn't know how to do something, so he'd show them over Microsoft Teams). He specifically said it wasn't a participation award, but that he "viewed all rewards the same". He also said it'd make it awkward when he helped people in the future because "awards make people seem less genuine" and that returning it "showed he was down to earth". When I asked why he couldn't just accept the reward and do whatever he wanted with it at home, he said it was a gesture to "show he wasn't a management suckup" and that he'd be "the same person after getting promoted". He also said he saw someone lose friends at work "after crossing over to management's side" because it was an "us versus them" mentality, and he compared his gesture to the person who rejected the noble peace prize that he heard referenced in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier". However, he knew nothing about it besides the reference because he loves Marvel movies and didn't even know the guy's name. But when I asked if he regretted it since everything seemed to go well with his training before the issue he likely made for himself, he said he was considering suing the company because he was "treated unfairly", and he wasn't open to therapy because "he did nothing wrong". When I told him that it hurt when he said that his work life didn't concern me, he said there were "many things he said at work that I wouldn't approve of", but that it was "his space just like managers who talk behind coworkers' backs". But when I reminded him that we were engaged and incomparable to a coworker/manager relationship, he said I "wasn't supporting him" and didn't want couples counseling either, and that's pretty much how it went The reason I spoke to my parents before we talked was because of an idea he floated in my first post that I didn't mention, and I want to explain it because some said I threw him under the bus to my parents, so I'll explain why. He said he was considering working a retail job in the meantime after quitting because he thinks he hit a "dead end", and he said he'd be "more respected" there too. The other reason I told my parents was because we were looking at a home to buy, but those plans have changed and he wants to stay in our apartment, and that was before he mentioned anything about suing the company. He said he "didn't mind making less" if it meant having more respect, and I was willing to try and work things out if he considered therapy or couples counseling. But now that he's refused and doubled down, I told him that I'm reconsidering, and he didn't like that and said I "wasn't on his side like his boss" (same boss who recommended him for the vacancy and gave him the award) and has been distant since. He's slept by himself on the couch and even ate dinner on his own the past few nights, and I'm trying to see if my parents can let me bring some stuff to their place come Friday. I feel like he threw everything away for no reason, got a great review on his training and made an issue out of nothing when there was none. Learning about everything he kept from me still hurts, and I might try to talk to someone myself. But it really hurts because he basically said I never knew him at him at work, and maybe that's just how he is when he's not with me *edit: This idea to reject the award came from "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" and the guy who was referenced (in the movie) for rejecting the noble peace prize from what he told me, but he didn't even know the guy's name or anything beyond "it came from the movie" because he's a big Marvel fan. He also said it was a "selfless thing to do" and showed he wasn't a "management/award suckup" to his coworkers who'd "appreciate a down-to-earth manager" when he crossed over into management. He also said it was "something selfless Captain America would do". He said he wants to sue because he was "wrongfully removed from consideration for the position for personally not liking awards despite a great written review on his training assignment" and that it would "help fellow employees who felt pressured to take management awards to move up" because he believes that "all awards are participation trophies"* *As a result of trying to talk to him and see if he'd be interested in couples therapy, he refused to think that he did anything wrong and still plans to sue, and I based my reconsidering of the relationship on his willingness to get counseling. I will be trying to move everything to my parents on Friday, but he's been treating me as if I don't exist because he knows that I'm done. He's eaten dinner alone, slept alone, and barely says a word to me anymore because I'm "attacking him like his boss", so I'm just trying to get to Friday, but it's been hard because he's turned on me* [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwralorei/comments/11p861s/update_2_myf24_fianc%C3%A9m25_returned_an_award_he_was/): March 12th, 2023 Returning to this because a lot of people reached out and were helpful, and I appreciate everyone who did. I'm currently at my parent's, and my ex-fiancé was pestering me to move everything to their home before Friday when I eventually did, and it was really stressful. However, he did something that I didn't expect before I moved on Friday that I'm still dealing with, and a lot of friends and family know about it now because of what he did (before I got around to telling them). He made a Facebook post that was pretty long, and he posted it to Twitter too. Long story short, he addressed the coworkers about what happened with his promotion and said that many of them were likely wondering what had happened and that he wanted to explain "his side before the wrong people did" He wrote that his bosses "wrongfully rescinded" the promotion because he told his boss that he didn't like awards, and he included the manager's name. He wrote about his conversation with his boss and how he "respectfully" spoke to him in his office "instead of refusing the award at the meeting" because he wanted to show respect. He also said that his manager previously knew about his "anxiety" surrounding awards and "chose to give it to him anyway when he knew it would hurt his focus", but he never once mentioned anything about anxiety to me. He never mentioned anxiety in the past, and he never mentioned that he spoke to his boss about anxiety too. He also left out what he told me about how he was "emotional" when he spoke to his boss and "said some things he probably shouldn't have". He left out the part about being "blindsided by the award" and "don't ever give me any awards again", and my dad thinks he's lying about having talked to his boss about anxiety to "look like a martyr". He thinks he made it up to draw pity , and the rest of his post made him think that too When he wrote about how he was going to sue the company, he said he was doing it "for others who may feel pressured to take awards in order to move up" and that he was "fighting for them." He said it was "unfair of his boss to refuse him for mental health reasons he knew beforehand", and he "wanted to pave the way for others with mental health challenges". He also said he was inspired by NBA player Kyrie Irving (he's also a basketball fan) who refused to get vaccinated and sacrificed salary/backlash (the Brooklyn Nets didn't allow him to play for many games due to being unvaccinated) to be a "voice for the voiceless" for other people who didn't want to be vaccinated. And while he disagreed with Kyrie's stance on vaccinations (we are both vaccinated), he admired how he fought and forced the Brooklyn Nets' to play him and "cave" as they struggled in the standings/injuries and "showed that corporations would eventually cave to employees" Like Kyrie, my ex-fiancé said he wanted to be a "voice for the voiceless who felt pressured to accept awards to move up at his job" . He also said he wanted to make management cave to him, and that was the reason he was "suing for the employees". He also wrote that I had "broken up with him" because I "didn't support his mental health condition just like his boss", but he never once mentioned anything related to mental health to me ever. Heck, he left out all the details about how he told his boss off, and my dad said he might be making it up to "create a case when he knows he has none or just wants to smear the company". Dad has also begun calling him the "fake Captain America" from Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and he showed me some clips about the TV show when I asked what he meant Going back to my ex-fiancé, he also wrote he was "glad to find out I didn't support mental health before we had kids" which really surprised me because I suggested couples counseling together, but he told me he "didn't need it because he did nothing wrong". He also wrote that I "refused to have sex/sleep together after he opened up about his anxiety" when he was the one who opted to sleep away from me on the couch after he accused me of "not supporting him like his boss". He also said he was talking to someone he knew who was a union shop steward for advice, and he said there'd be more in the future too A lot of friends and relatives called me and my parents in the aftermath of his post (mostly those who saw the Facebook one I was tagged in), and my parents and I have been telling them our side. I also received DMs from people telling me off for "not supporting his mental health" who I'm guessing are his friends, and some of them were really vulgar too. That only happened on my Instagram, and I've blocked a lot of them since because I didn't know them. But it's been stressful after he tagged me in his post, and I'm honestly tired of repeating myself to everyone. However, I don't believe in engaging him/drama on social media, so I've continued to explain to everyone who's reached out with the help of my parents. The other thing that sucks is how he called my job after I moved out and told them that I said a lot of "ableist" things about him about his mental conditions which wasn't true. And while I don't think it'll amount to anything, I had to speak with HR about it which surprised me. Dad doesn't think anything will come from it either, but he's been livid, and I am honestly too. Dad has also suggested a lawyer after how he called my job, and it's something we're investigating for maybe deformation (don't know if that's the proper term, but maybe something in the ballpark of what he's doing). I just hope he stops, but he doesn't seem to be from his post and calling my job, and he said that there'd be more to come too. I just hope he stops with me at the least because I could care less if he wants to sue on his own, but we will see what dad and I come up with on a lawyer *edit: I want to clarify something that many people seemed unsure about. Some people asked if he was really in the running for a promotion or had made it up. I saw a physical review that he brought home detailing the training assignment and the scores for the duties he performed (when it was done), and it was related to the position he was training for. The scores were really good, and he had no negative marks about the training (returning the award was unrelated to the training). His manager also took him out to dinner a few weeks before he returned the reward in regards to the promotion too* *I also saw some confusing about when my ex-fiancé returned the award, and many asked if he returned it during the meeting to make a statement to his coworkers. He returned it after the meeting and after spending time at his desk where he said he was "uneasy", and that led him to go to his manager's office where he told him to never give him an award again. In regards to how he showed his coworkers he "wasn't a suckup", he said he told them in passing in the days after he returned it to his boss. The award had nothing to do with the promotion (he was training for) and wasn't a certificate needed for it. The award was given for how he helped others on Microsoft Teams through screen sharing when his boss asked him to assist others many times, and it wasn't related to his training assignment* \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (Notable Comments) [u/Sfb208](https://www.reddit.com/u/Sfb208/): "Your bf has ego problems. He seems obsessed by the idea that his Co workers should respect him because he 'sticks it to the man', has been clearly signaling to his boss that he isn't management material because he's concerned about being seen not to be a suck up, and is now surprised that his boss, who had previously considered him a good employee and attempted to promote his career through these opportunities and awards, is now hearing his message loud and clear, and removing his support for the promotion after bf publicly embarrassed him. Like, his boss publicly recognized ops efforts, and simply had that thrown back in his face, and for what? His colleagues are unlikely to view his actions with anything other than bafflement. Your bf is delusional op, and he needs help. His actions are self sabotaging and destructive. Don't let him drag you down too" [u/houseofreturn](https://www.reddit.com/u/houseofreturn/): "Everyone else is giving you good advice so I just want to bring up something else: The guy he's quoting from Winter Soldier is Nick Fury talking about Alexander Pierce (the guy who rejected the Nobel Peace Prize because "He said Peace wasn't an achievement, it was a responsibility")... Alexander Pierce turns out to be the VILLAIN of that movie. Spoilers, but Pierce is a Hydra agent (the coded Nazi fascist antagonist organization of the movies) and tries to/ is about to kill MILLIONS of people for the sake of "peace" before being stopped by Captain America. Like your boyfriends apparently a marvel fan, but looks up to the fascist, genocidal, maniac for his life quotes and work ethic? I mean he is sort of destroying himself for the sake of his own ego, while also taking you down with him (falls in line with a lot of marvel villains tbh). Cap isn't the one rejecting the award" OOP: "Some others said I was wrong to get my parents involved too. I just felt I had to vent to someone who wasn't a mutual friend of ours, and I went to them because so much changed so fast. Telling me that work was none of my business, saying he wanted to cancel our plans to buy a home and take less money to work a retail job because he missed a younger environment from his first retail job in high school. It felt like so much happened so fast, and I didn't want any friends to cause drama and felt my parents were safer"

ThrowRA3837374

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11vafw7/new_update_myf24_fiancém25_returned_an_award_he/

11vafw7

OOP wonders if they are legally responsible for a child they do not want?

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I am not OP. OP is u/exgfbabydrama This was posted in r/legaladviceUK Thos is my first attempt at a BoRU post so any issues/rule violations with this OP please let me know so I can improve in future posting. Trigger warnings >!reproductive coercion, harassment!< [**First Post**]( https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/ys7z33/do_i_legally_have_to_be_responsible_for_a_child_i) - 11 Nov 22 Hi I am in England. This is a situation I’m really stressed out by and can’t seem to get any clear information on. My ex partner and I are both female. We were together for several years and discussed having a child. We agreed to use one of our eggs and go through the route of a licensed clinic with sperm donation. We had a timeframe in mind of when to start it so we had enough time to save up etc. Anyway, my partner decided she did not want to go down this route and wait and decided to post on social media asking seriously for sperm donation to do an at-home insemination with a turkey baster. She mentioned it but as a joke to me and I told her that was a bad idea due to several risks and the potential for the donor to want to be in the child’s life. I assumed it was a joke but made it clear I would not support it. Well, against my wishes, she did it. She didn’t tell me until after she had been in contact with a random man, got the donation and had a positive pregnancy test. I told her I did not want anything to do with the child and broke up with her and subsequently moved out. She is about 5 months pregnant now and is harassing me demanding me to be involved with the child, especially financially. She has admitted in texts that she concocted getting pregnant without my consent and I have evidence of me saying I never agreed to it which she has also admitted. I have taken screenshots of these exchanges but I’m stumped in general. I do not want to be a parent to this child so can I legally be forced to? ETA: she has not mentioned the donor but I do not think any legal paperwork was signed so surely he’s the one she could chase? **Top comment** From what you’ve described, no. You have no responsibility at all. You didn’t actually provide any eggs to the clinic, just discussed doing it at some point in the future? And even if you had, she went down the self-insemination route instead. So no biological connection to you at all? Your ex got pregnant with a stranger and is now harassing you. Nothing more than that. [**update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/11ol60n/update_do_i_legally_have_to_be_responsible_for_a) - 11 March 23 Several months ago, I made a post about my ex-partner who deliberately got herself pregnant via an anonymous donor rather than through a clinic as we are both female. My ex initially was harassing me with texts and messages demanding that I be involved with the child. I had screenshots of her admitting she got pregnant behind my back so I made sure to keep them before I blocked her on everything. I even changed all my privacy settings on social media. After I moved out, I moved back in with my parents who were very understanding. I got my ex’s family harassing me and I decided I didn’t want to live in the same city as them all anymore. I didn’t want to, but I spoke to my work and asked if there were any openings literally anywhere else in England and there was. I was just so done with everything that I took the opportunity to move away and I did. My parents helped me move and and I found a lovely little one bedroom flat that is near a river. I live in a small town now about 4 hours away and as much as I thought I’d hate it, I’m beginning to enjoy it. I did block all of my ex’s family but they kept making multiple accounts to contact me. The last contact was about two weeks ago stating my ex has given birth to a baby girl. Apparently the donor is not interested in being a father and my ex is all on her own and needs some help and support. Not my problem. I’m just over the whole situation and it was extreme but I just decided to delete all social media. I informed my friends and family and I also changed my number and gave that out to trusted people. I guess a pretty boring update. New job. New flat. I didn’t expect to be single after 8 years but what can you do? I think I might give a dating app a try. **OOP [commented below](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11w21sq/oop_wonders_if_they_are_legally_responsible_for_a/) and wanted me to add it into the OP** Hey everyone. Original OP here. Someone told me my post made it into a wider audience here. Just wanted to say thanks for all the support and kind words! I realise now my ex and her family are all nuts and I’m several hours away from them now. I feel sorry for the baby but not my problem anymore. I’m enjoying my life in a quiet English town ☺️ ETA: also hundreds of people are assuming she cheated on me and concocted a donor story. I mean we’re both lesbians so I do find it highly unlikely she’d sleep with a man even if she was desperate for a baby. I do know plenty of people scout for donors online so she probably is telling the truth but I don’t really care. The whole thing is bullshit. I want to be a mother too, but im not gonna pick any random off the street. I’m not a spring chicken myself, im pushing 40. I would very much like to become a mother before it’s too late so maybe I could start the process via a clinic like my original plan but just do it myself this time.

Cookyy2k

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11w21sq/oop_wonders_if_they_are_legally_responsible_for_a/

11w21sq

Op's son wants to meet with up her after cutting contact four years ago due her getting involved with his friend.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRamommah **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!possible grooming!< mood spoilers: >!rage!<   [My son(22M) cut contact with me (43F) four years ago due to getting involved with his friend (22M). He contacted me two day ago and wants to meet up this Friday.](https://www.unddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11lcng9/my_son22m_cut_contact_with_me_43f_four_years_ago/) \- 7 March 2023 Note: I understand that coming on this subreddit made me open to criticism. I know  I'll be judged. But, I am here to learn how to improve the situation. I had my son at the age of 21 years old. His father passed away two years later. So it was me and my son against the world. When it came to my dating life, I haven't been so lucky. I did have some random hook-ups here and there and very short-term relationships throughout my son's childhood. In the beginning of my son's senior year, he brought a friend home. Let's call him Max. He was basically at our house every other weekend. I was really happy because my son doesn't have a lot of friends. He usually keeps  to himself. I really liked Max as a person. He was a real sweet guy. We had have nice,short conversations whenever he was at our place. We exchanged number just in case. He would start sending me messages and jokes. I would respond back. My son didn't mind at all. After 4 months of coming to our house, Max texts me he wants to meet up for coffee out of nowhere. I texted him if it was something urgent or about my son. He responded by saying it's something important. I was curious, so I decided to meet up with him.  When I met up with him, he looked very nervous. I asked him what was the meeting about. He told me I can't tell my son about it. He then confessed to me that he was developing feelings for me.  I was taken aback by this. I told him that while I was flattered, I had to think about my son. He pleaded with me  to just give him a chance. It was so long that I found somebody interested in me like that. Max was already 18 when he was introduced to me and he was a very handsome man. I said yes, but with the condition that it would be only casual dating and my son doesn't have to know about it. We met up the next week at his place. I told my son I was going out  with my friends l  After an hour into the date, we slept with each other. Then we promised to meet up in the close future. Our meetups became very frequents, and as such, our relationship grew stronger. I was beginning to fall in love with Max. We learned more about each other. Max was becoming my main source of joy. I wanted the weekend to start early just to be with Max. It was hard for me to pay attention to anything else in my life.  Looking back, it seems that my relationship with Max had a negative effect on the relationship with my son. I had to come up with different excuses on why I wasn't around. I missed out on his soccer games. I think I really messed up when I missed his birthday dinner because I was with Max. I told him that work held me up.  It was a week before my son's flight to college, that I got a text from Max that my son found out about us. I got it in the middle of work. I was scared to go back home. When my son arrived home he never uttered a word about the situation.  He just pretended that nothing ever happened. He seemed very cold to me. Never looked at me in the eye and gave one word responses. When it came to dropping him off, he didn't even give me a hug or even looked back at me when it was time for the flight to even wave goodbye. When I drove back home, Max's car was in my driveway. It was the first time I saw him ever since I got that text from him. I saw he had a black eye and a broken nose when he stepped out of his car. We hugged each other tightly. I cried in his arms. Once we stepped in my house  I told him how bad I felt to what I did to my son. The worst part I wasn't sad my son was leaving but relieved instead. Max comforted me in saying he's just as much at fault for this situation. Max stayed that night. The next day, he proposed to me. I accepted. It's been four years now. Max and I have a 2 year old daughter. He works as a mechanic. The airport was the last time I saw my son. He blocked me on everything. I asked his grandparents if he ever  contacted them. His grandfather told me that my son told them everything. He said he will take care of my son, but he told me to never contact my son or them again.  Two days ago, I got a call from my son that he's going to be in town and he wants to meet up in person this Friday. I said yes.  What should I do or say when I meet him?   [I met up with my son after four years of no contact](https://www.unddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11pfgyz/i_met_up_with_my_son_after_four_years_of_no/) \- 12 March 2023 Original Post: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/duplicates/11lcng9/my\_son22m\_cut\_contact\_with\_me\_43f\_four\_years\_ago/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/duplicates/11lcng9/my_son22m_cut_contact_with_me_43f_four_years_ago/) For the few that gave me actual advice, I went to meet up with my son without Max or my daughter. It was at a local coffee shop. I found him sitting in one of the booths at the coffee shop. He was on his phone. I was really scared. A part of me wanted to tackle him with a hug and beg for his forgiveness. Another part of me, wanted to leave before he noticed me. I said his name to get his attention. He didn't even leave his seat; he just looked at me and said hi. I asked if I could sit. I started asking about how is he doing. He said he was fine. I was about to apologize, but he interrupted me by saying, "Before you apologize, I want to understand how the relationship between Max and you even started." I started telling him everything. When it came to mentioning my meet-ups, he interjected me and started asking me questions that were difficult to answer. He asked "So all the times that you were going out you were lying to me about where were you going. Weren't you?" I nodded. "What about the times I asked to spend time with you? Did you lie to me so you meet up with Max instead?" I started tearing up. It was hard being there. "Did you miss out on events to be with Max? What about my birthday?" That's when I started crying. He told me to save my tears. He said he figured that out soon after he learned about the relationship with Max. He just wanted to hear it from me. He then asked me if I was still with Max. I told him I was married to him and I have a daughter with him. He seemed to need a minute to process that. Then he started speaking. He told me he never had an issue with me dating or meeting someone. In fact, he hoped I found love. He understands that I needed companionship and a type of love he couldn't offer as my son. He told me throughout all these years he felt conflicted because both Max and I were both consenting adults and adults have a right to find happiness. My son admitted he shouldn't Max and was glad he didn't press charges. He said despite all of that, they were some things that he can't get over. He told me he can't get over the fact that I didn't take him into consideration when it came to pursuing the relationship. It was also hurtful to realize that I would value a romantic relationship to the point of being willing to throw away a close relationship with him for it. If I had the attitude of being done raising him and finally pursuing my own life, then that's valid, according to him. However, I would have no right to want to have a close relationship with him in return. Again, that's what he said he believes. He told me he wouldn't have forgotten me when he left for college. He would have wanted me to move close to him after he got a job if he couldn't move close to me. In this ideal world we would live close by so he we could still see each other even after he had a family. He said he loves himself and his life too much to have back in my life.. My son said he works as a mechanical engineer now. He is engaged to the love of his life. She was also raised by a single mom like him until she was 16 when her stepdad into the picture. Both of them have welcomed him into the family. He told me his future in-laws and his fiance are his family now. He said he was getting a job near them. He finally admitted that he just wanted closure before permanently cutting me off. He told me not to contact him or his family at all. He made it clear he wouldn't be there for me at my last stage of life or even come to my funeral. He made it clear he won't even hold my hand when I pass away. I won't have the privilege of knowing his fiance or his future kids. He made it clear that if his half-sister ever contacts him as an adult he'll be upfront on why he doesn't want a relationship with her. He said good bye to me and left. I cried so hard that I got the attention of the people in the coffee shop. I was crying on the way back home. I don't even know how therapy can even help. I never felt so much emotional pain in my life before. What do I do now?   &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Inevitable-Access-17

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11w31ka/ops_son_wants_to_meet_with_up_her_after_cutting/

11w31ka

AITA for not asking my girlfriends father for permission to marry her?

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/watermelonedbison12 in r/AmItheAsshole on Jan 20, '23, updated March 9th [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/108gr45/aita_for_not_asking_my_girlfriends_father_for/) AITA for not asking my girlfriends father for permission to marry her? So I feel like the normal situation I read about is the opposite situation, but I personally feel I am in the right here. I (30M) been dating my girlfriend(29F) for 4 years now, and things have all in all been pretty good. We both don't see eye to eye politically on many things with her father, but still visit him and her mother fairly frequently around holidays and he is friendly enough to know to not bring up politics around the both of us because we don't agree, but I digress. I've talked about proposing to my girlfriend over the past couple months and about what she wants etc, and she mentioned she wanted me to ask her dad for permission. I was kind of taken aback by this isn't a normal thing my girlfriend would say. So I asked why? She said because it's something she would like me to do, her sisters husband did it, and some wedding funding from him would likely be contingent on me doing this. I came back with that I wouldn't be asking another person person for permission to marry her. It's an extremely outdated tradition for one, and I'm a 30 year old person, I can do what I want to do with someone I love. I don't need anyone else's permission. She got mad and said I just needed to do it, because it's a small thing to ask for, and she wants some of the money to have a few more things at our wedding that we won't be able to afford without it. I'm continuing to stand my ground about not asking for this. AITA? *Judgment: Not Assholes Here* [Update 2 months later](https://www.reddit.com/user/WatermelonedBison12/comments/11n4c7j/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_ask_my_girlfriends/) Hi yall. Original post is here. AITA didn't allow me to post my update there, so putting it here. So after reading a lot of the responses in the original thread, I decided to ask for my girlfriends parents blessing. I told her I was going to do it and she was very happy. We were going to visit about 2 weeks after I posted the thread, and I figured it would be a good opportunity to ask. So my fiancée went for a run one morning and I was lounging around talking with her parents, when I said I’d like to talk to them about something. They both kind of smiled like they knew what I was going to say, and immediately her dad says “let’s go talk in the garage”. So him and I go out there and I phrase it like some people told me to “I want to marry your daughter and I’m letting you know that I plan to propose because I love her. I also want to get your blessing because I respect you and your wife”. He was pleased with the answer and smiled and gave his approval for me to propose. All I needed! The proposal went great about a month later. Romantic and just like I had planned, my fiancée loved it. So this past Sunday we were discussing venues and the ceremony and my fianceé casually said "Well Dad wants us to get married in this church so we’ll be doing it here”. Now I’m not religious and I wouldn’t mind getting married in a church, but again, why does his opinion matter for our wedding? So I asked "Anything else your dad wants for our wedding?" and then said we also needed to stay in separate rooms the night before our wedding too per her father (hilarious since we've been living together for almost 2 years). This lead to a massive argument about the wedding, the role of her dad in her life. I told her that up until a couple of months ago, it seemed liked she couldn't have cared less about what her dad thought. But would it stop with the wedding? Would it continue on if we had children? Her excuse was that, she was ruining her dream wedding and it was contingent on appeasing her father. She didn't understand why I couldn't compromise and get her the extra cash to get her the wedding she had always dreamed of. So I told her, I'm not ready to get married if this is the stance you're going to take with your father and that did not go over well. The yelling started and things started being thrown at me... So I left. I called my buddy and went to his place. He gladly let me come over. I've got tons of missed calls from her, some texts ranging from "I miss you, let's talk it out" to "you're an abuser trying to separate me from my family". I just honestly don't know where this behavior is coming from. It's like my fianceé has been taken over by some bridezilla that only cares about having a perfect wedding. I'm just taking time to think about everything and what I want to do next. I'll maybe update again after this, but for now, things aren't looking too great for the future of our relationship. Just trying to keep my head above water. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11wjgre/aita_for_not_asking_my_girlfriends_father_for/

11wjgre

I have ARFID and I’m supposed to go to a fancy work dinner tonight where I won’t eat. What do I do? Urgent pls

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I am not The OOP, OOP is [deleted] **I have ARFID and I’m supposed to go to a fancy work dinner tonight where I won’t eat. What do I do? Urgent pls** Originally posted to r/Advice [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/10fjocz/i_have_arfid_and_im_supposed_to_go_to_a_fancy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Jan 18, 2023 I need help asap, this is coming up in a few hours. I have ARFID which basically means I’m afraid of trying new foods and am put off by 99% of foods. Recently I tried to eat something I didn’t think I would like and by bite 3 I was starting to gag and had to stop. I’m going to a fancy restaurant that only has food I don’t like. I hate savory and the entire menu is meat. I called about vegetarian options and it was some sort of rice dish that didn’t sound like something I could eat without having the gagging problem. They have salads but I think it’s an appetizer to entree sort of thing so I can only order one and so don’t want to just go without an entree. Plus I don’t even like salads and I’ll have to fight my way through it. My manager just texted me and is expecting me to be there. It’s not mandatory but I’ll feel guilty not going. But I also don’t want to go and make all of my coworkers uncomfortable because I’m not eating or look uncomfortable (I will be). The business owners and coworkers I haven’t met will be there and I don’t want them to see me being uncomfortable and not eating. What do I do?? I feel like I should just bail but I’m not sure what my excuse would be and I’m just like… worried about them disappointed. But I feel like going and making people uncomfortable and being uncomfortable would be much worse. I specifically told my manager before I wanted to try this restaurant out (mostly for the ambiance and during breakfast or lunch when they have foods I’ll eat). EDIT: Thanks everyone for the advice… I’m just gonna go and order bread and a salad. If people think that’s weird, whatever I guess. I want to cry so hopefully I don’t at dinner lol! Edit again: Thank you again to those who have been commenting! To those with similar issues I also really appreciate it. Sorry I’m not able to reply to everybody but I have read all the comments and am very thankful for getting the push I needed to at least sort of face my fears around this situation. I’m extremely nervous still, but I’m getting ready to head out and I’m trying not to work myself up over it. Thanks again!! Maybe I’ll leave an update later letting everyone know how it went. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Tess27795 >Could you eat two appetizers instead of an entree? If there is something you can eat other than a salad? A sweet butternut squash soup for example? >I would go and see what you can do. Don't feel embarrassed. Just do your best. OOP replied >They actually do have a bread thing, and a salad thing… so technically I probably could. I just feel like it will be so awkward and embarrassing ordering such weird things. I have the most limited diet of anyone I’ve ever met so it’s a struggle. Ugh I’m scared. I don’t know if I’ll be able to not get embarrassed, I haven’t had to do something like this since I was a teenager and it was traumatic lol. I’m worried everyone will be looking at the weird things I order and wonder about why I’m not eating regular things like a regular person. **OOP ON COMMUNICATING THEIR CONDITION** >I usually do communicate about it well, this is the first time my coworkers haven’t known about it. I usually do okay going out, this is also my first time thinking of skipping something because of my ARFID. I’ve been trying things a lot recently and going out of my comfort zone, but its a slow process and I only feel comfortable trying things in front of certain people because I almost always gag. I’m worried I’ll have that problem when I’m out at a fine dining restaurant with a bunch of people I don’t really know. >You’re right though I should have brought this up when I first knew the dinner was going to be happening… I feel like it’s weird to bring up like 3 hours before when he can’t do anything about it? Ugh. Should I call him or something? He’s really kind. Is it okay to still bail after I tell him? He’s gonna be disappointed if I don’t go lol. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/10o063m/update_i_have_arfid_and_im_supposed_to_go_to_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Jan 29, 2023 Just wanted to do an update on my post since it got more attention than I had expected it to! So I did end up going to the dinner. I didn’t mention anything to my manager, just decided to go and hope for the best. When we sat down at the table, I ended up being across from two people I didn’t know and right beside one person I only speak to for about a minute a day. My manager and the owner who I see more often were not near enough for me to speak to. I was very nervous. I looked at the menu and it was a limited version, which is what I was afraid of. The salad I intended to order wasn’t on the menu, neither was the bread. It was supposed to be 3 courses and I could only find 2 choices on the entire menu I felt comfortable trying to eat. Internally I was freaking out, not knowing what I was going to do. Fortunately, they sorta grouped the first two courses together and did a family style sort of thing. I asked if they had bread and they did, so I had that for my first course. They brought all the fancy stuff out and the person next to me asked if I wanted any. I said no and they asked if I didn’t like seafood. I admitted I didn’t really like savory much as a whole so if I ordered weird things, that was why (felt like I took a risk in admitting that). They took it surprisingly well, as did the people across from me. They did ask me some questions about what I do like and I was basically just honest. Didn’t mention ARFID, mostly focused on disliking savory and loving sweet. One person made a joke and said I could have their bread if they could have my portion of the seafood. When it was time to order the entree, the person next to me went first and asked if a certain dish could be vegetarian. I specifically called about this dish the day before and asked if it could be vegetarian, they said no. Turns out that wasn’t true and it could be vegetarian, so I ordered that as well but with nothing on it. When the dish came out, I tried it and didn’t like it but not enough to gag, sorta. I ate about half of it by taking a bite, barely chewing, then washing it down with water lol. I probably would’ve gagged if I didn’t do the water thing. No one noticed or made any comments. When it was dessert time, the people around me all looked at me and were basically like “it’s your time to shine” and were excited for me, which was really cute. The desserts were great and then the business owner gave us all gifts. One person at the end of the table passed out home made treats as well. Overall, I’m really glad I went. The conversation with the people I barely knew was really nice and they were supportive and non-judgmental. The restaurant was beautiful as well and I’m happy I got to experience it. It wasn’t nearly as scary as I expected it to be. Since I acted normally everyone treated me normally. So yeah, thanks to everyone who commented and tried to help me out! Now in the future I will feel more secure if I have to do something like this again. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11x2vq2/i_have_arfid_and_im_supposed_to_go_to_a_fancy/

11x2vq2

AITA for not wanting to pay for dinner?

CONCLUDED

**I am not the OOP. (Original Poster.) That is** [u/jennysaysfu](https://www.reddit.com/user/jennysaysfu/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Fun fact is a bit different today: u/Blargh1111 requested "Florida man on this date." On March 21, 2018, it was publicized that two Florida men attempted to rob a house. One was dressed as a bull for some reason. Then they tried to set a can of Ragu pasta sauce on fire to burn the house down to make it seem like the owner had left the stove on. Needless to say, they were caught. **Mood Spoiler:** >!to borrow a phrase: the lion, the witch and the audacity of this bitch!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11m58wu/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_dinner/)**: March 8, 2023** Typing this out sounds insane and I really don’t think I’m in the wrong but I need to know. A friend invited me to a dinner party at her house a few weeks ago, the actual dinner party was last night. I asked if I should bring anything, but she said no, it’s not a potluck, she’ll be making dinner for everyone. There were 7 of us total and the food was good. During the mea we were all laughing and called our friend (dinner host) a chef cause she made a big dinner for all of us and we al said how much we appreciated it because it’s hard to get everyone together at the same time. At the end of dinner we all help clean, was the dishes, then have some wine. It started getting late so people started to head out, and on our way out the dinner host said don’t forget to Venmo/cash app/ zelle her. Some of us were confused because we had no idea what we had to send her. So I ask her “what am I sending you money for” and she said for cooking dinner. Me: I don’t understand why we should pay? Her: because I spent my money and hosted the dinner and cooked. Me: None of us asked you to, you volunteered to do it and you never mentioned paying until now. Her: I didn’t do this for free Me: you should’ve told us before you hosted that you expected this. I don’t think it’s fair to just bring this up and expect people to pay. She called me an asshole and said again that she didn’t spend hours to cook, grocery shop for free. I have never heard of this. Like ever. We kept arguing and after a while I just Venmo’d her the $40 she asked for. I don’t think I’m the asshole at all and some of my friends agree with me. Some have said it’s normal to pay for dinner during a dinner party at someone’s house, so now I’m not sure. Edit: A lot of you have asked what she made, and it was some salad I’ve never heard of, the main course was smoked gouda mashed potatoes with beef short ribs. A desert I forgot the name of (I think she said she bought this from a bakery). She also made vegan mash potatoes and vegan “ribs” for one of our friends who is vegan. She also made (bought?) chicken skewers as the appetizer. Even though she said not to bring anything, I brought rum cake from my local bakery. And yes, everyone brought something small. We also had charcuterie and cheese board that two of the girls brought. Some girls brought wine and we even had one girl bring candles to set the mood. We are in the US and none of are European. I spoke with some of the others and although they had paid for a dinner party before, it was discussed first. No one has ever done what this friend did which was spring an unexpected cost on us. All of us are in our early 30s. The group chat is going crazy right now because everyone is pissed at her. —————————————————————— Some of us confronted our friend last night about this and things went all the way left. I’ll post an update later when I can collect my thoughts. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/jennysaysfu/comments/11rg4fl/update_aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_dinner/)**: March 14, 2023** Basically the next day we tried to explain our side of things to my friend. She was sticking with her side that the cost was fair. We tried to explain how rude it was for her to basically charge us for hanging out with her. We explained how she never does anything for any of us without expecting something from us. She said she would expect her friends to help her is she helps them. We said yes, but you won't do anything for anyone unless there is something in it for you. Some of you mentioned to ask for the receipt, I did, and she didn’t have it. I brought up the different things we brought and get this she said “I didn’t ask you to you to bring them”. I then brought up this post and basically said what she did was tacky and just rude as hell, big mistake. She was very upset about it saying it’s an invasion of privacy(understandable). She called us rude bitches (lol, us?) and bad friends. We just kept going back and forth saying the same thing and it wasn’t going anywhere. One of our friends asked if she would apologize and she said no, she didn’t do anything wrong. In the end all of us cut her off. We left her in the group chat for a little bit before we blocked her though, so she could see what we were saying about her. tldr; we cut her off and she’s blocked

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11x65mu/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_for_dinner/

11x65mu

How do I tell my (55F) husband (56M) about my son's (28M) new girlfriend (28F)

CONCLUDED

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRA_idkwhtd **How do I tell my (55F) husband (56M) about my son's (28M) new girlfriend (28F)** Originally posted to r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11p1wht/how_do_i_tell_my_55f_husband_56m_about_my_sons/) March 12, 2023 I apologize for any issue with the post as I don't really use reddit, but I couldn't think of anywhere else to ask for advice anonymously. I have 3 sons: 32, 28, and 26. All of my sons are very successful young men and are on their own. My oldest and youngest were always very out going and were kind of party animal's in highschool and college. My middle focused on his grades and future from a young age. He moved out the youngest into his own home. Anyway my middle had a very bad ex girlfriend. I would like to say worse but I read the rules here. Basically they dated since 17 and she cheated on him several times. My son never left because he loved her, but eventually he realized she was a bad women and left her. Only took eight years. Anyway my oldest got married at 29 and my youngest is engaged. They give my middle son a lot of crap because he is single, but I always say that his ex kind of messed up his since of love and confidence. They don't understand what he went through. My husband agrees. Six months ago he started dating this new girl, that we just met yesterday. I was happy to hear that he found someone. She is very educated and smart, according to him. They have similar personalities and interest. Considering my middle is kind of a nerd, that made me very happy to hear. Anyway I wanted to meet her immediately. My son said that she is very shy and it would take her time. Six months later she told him that she is ready to meet us. So Friday afternoon, my husband decides to grill. Everyone comes over. Then my son and his new girlfriend show up. This beautiful girl walks in holding his hand and standing behind him. He was right, she is very shy. We all introduce ourselves and we will call her Sadie. Sadie was quiet but said hi to everyone. She honestly associated the most with our dog that night. My sons go out and help their dad cook. My daughter-in-law goes out with my grandbaby, and soon to be daughter-in-law and her are best friends to they go out together. I ask if Sadie would like to help me finish the sides and chop some stuff. She says sure. I just ask how they met and typical conversations. Eventually my middle son comes in and comes up behind her pokes her booty. She gives him a "really" look and hits in the arm and he grabs her and pick her up as they laugh. I say put her down don't be so rough on her. My son just says okay put her down and goes back out. I said, "sorry, three boys. Sometimes they are little too rough, but he is harmless". She said, "I know he is. I used to wrestle with my dad and brother growing up too". I said, "your mom let her her daughter wrestle her older brother and dad? She said, "well I used to be a boy so I guess it was different" and giggled. I froze. I said, WHAT?. Her face went snow white and immediate tears rolled down her face. She said, "he didn't tell you?". I went no. She said, I think I should leave, I am sorry. I grabbed her and said no, stay here. I said "does my son know". She said yes he knows. She then said, I always bring it up first date so if there are issues, we don't waste each others time. To be honest, I am very surprised, but my son has never been so happy so I dropped it. I honestly just couldn't believe it. I mean you would never know. She is gorgeous. She asked if I though of her different. I said that you make my son happy and as long as you treat him right I wont care. She just said thank you. I called my son today because his dad wants to get to know her more and wants to go to dinner with just them and us. He said sure. I brought up our conversation and he said he knows. He said that she is just really shy about it doesn't talk about it at all. She just try to run under the radar. He said that since you know we need to tell dad, but they discussed me kind of pre-telling my husband. Before tomorrow evening. Any idea on how, or should I tell my son before we go that he and her are going to have to do it? Any help would greatly appreciated, thank you. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11rhnlw/how_do_i_tell_my_55f_husband_56m_about_my_sons/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 14, 2023 Hello everybody. I would like just first say thank you for the kind words. Everything, believe it or not, went very well. I took the advice and told my husband earlier than I had planned. I told him at noon when we were going to pick up my son, we will call Sam, and Sadie, at 6. The conversation basically was fairly quick. I just told him I needed to tell him something and he had to promise me not to be upset. He just said speak. I just said, Sadie is trans. He just went, hmm okay. He said will talk later. I said something about dinner and he just said we will talk later. I told Sam and told him I have his back. On the drive to Sam's place I told my husband that Sam loves her and makes him happy. I explained it took a lot of courage from Sadie to be open with us right from the beginning. My husband just said we will talk later, and said I promise I will be on my best behavior. We go pick up Sam and Sadie. It was a nice restaurant so my husband and Sam were in polo's and dress pants. Sadie and I were in dresses. They looked so cute together when I saw them. They were matching and everything. We go to dinner and my husband is acting normal. Just asking questions to Sam and Sadie about intentions, how they met, etc. After dinner, I give her a lot of credit, Sadie tried to bring it up with my husband. He just said hold that thought lets go get ice cream. Husband is obsessed with ice cream. Will always find an excuse to get it. So we go as he is just telling jokes to everyone in the car and acting a fool, as he always does. We get there and ask what everyone wants. My husbands favorite is chocolate. Mine is cookies n' cream, Sam's strawberry, and Sadie's is butter pecan. I promise this matters. We get our ice cream and after a few mins my husband says, " It's weird how there are so many different types of ice cream. When I was a kid there was like two or three. Now they have hundreds it seems like." I was confused where my husband was going with this. He then said, "as long as the ice cream that you like taste good to you and makes you happy, I don't mind forking out a few dollars for a smile". He then winked at Sam and Sadie. That was it. That was the discussion. We took them home and he gave Sam and Sadie each a hug and told Sadie he hopes she can make it to more dinners on the weekends as we do them often. Sadie said that she will. All I have to say I held my husbands arm the whole way home. I am guilty I did give him a BIG PRESENT for it. Thank you everyone for your support and kind words. It seems everything is going to be fine. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11xe5l2/how_do_i_tell_my_55f_husband_56m_about_my_sons/

11xe5l2

OP cheated on his wife while she was dealing with the post-partum depression he made worse.

ONGOING

***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!*** &#x200B; **Trigger warning:** >!Infidelity, Post-partum depression, spousal neglect.!< &#x200B; [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/i_28m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_wife_24f_that_i/)**, on** r/relationship_advice **(March 13th 2023).** **I (28M) don't know how to tell my wife (24F) that I cheated on her while she had post-partum depression** I know I'm a POS and I don't deserve my wife and our two beautiful sons (4 and 2). I know that by telling her this will be the end of our marriage. She will not forgive me, there will be no talking through it. She will tell me to pack my bags and leave immediately. I can't live with the guilt of not telling her, but I can't live without her. I don't know what to do. Basically, my wife and I always wanted a traditional family. I would go to work and she would stay home with the kids. We both always wanted a large family, a house in the suburbs, a dog, the whole thing. We got married when she was 19 and I was 23. She got pregnant right away and our first son was born nine months to the day after our wedding. He was such an easy, happy baby. We were all so happy. My wife was super passionate about cooking, arts and crafts and home decor. Our home was always spotless, despite having a baby and dog. We had a great marriage and a healthy sex life. We were both naive enough to think that being parents was always going to be easy. We started trying for another as soon as the doctor cleared us. It took about eight months for her to get pregnant, which stressed her out a lot because she got pregnant so easily with our first. This pregnancy was different. She had no energy. She gained a lot of weight and was unrecognizable. With our first son, she only had a small bump and you wouldn't have even known she was pregnant if you saw her from behind or if she was wearing an oversized shirt. With this pregnancy, she blew up like a balloon. Her face and feet were swollen. I sound like an asshole for saying this, but she looked like a monster. We didn't have sex for the entire pregnancy. Sometimes she would try to initiate, but I always turned her down because I was repulsed by her. She had a difficult birth and our son was born with some health issues (relatively minor, thankfully, but enough to give us a scare). My wife blamed herself for our son's health issues. In the heat of the moment I told her that if she had been more active during pregnancy then our son probably would have been fine. She just kept sinking further and further into depression. She stopped brushing her hair and it started to mat. I would come home from work at 5pm to find our older son still in his pyjamas. The dirty dishes were piled a mile high in the sink. She stopped showering regularly and she refused to go on a jog to lose the baby weight even though I tried to encourage her by saying I'd cook dinner if she did. Our sons physical needs were being met, but emotionally she was checked out. I started fantasizing about being single and not having a wife or kids. I started going to the gym and the bar after work instead of going home to them. I met "Cassidy" (19F) at the gym and we really hit it off. She was vocal about never wanting kids and when I would complain about my wife to her, she would pile on too. I was happy at the time because I wanted someone to validate me for being such an asshole, but looking back I'm disgusted. Pretty soon Cassidy and I were dating and I was having a whole separate life behind my wife's back. After a few months, my wife slowly started to return to her old self. She started taking more pride in her appearance and started cooking from scratch again instead of ordering takeout or frozen food. Our home was clean again and our younger son's health issues were improving. I fell in love with her all over again. I started to realize that Cassidy wasn't as exciting and interesting as I thought she was. She was actually quite dull and stupid and had no real opinions or interests outside of partying and TikTok. I started to suspect that she didn't actually like me either and was just flattered by the attention of a married man and I stupidly enabled it by making her feel special and better than my wife. I ended things with her a few months later and she didn't even seem to care. All in, I was cheating on my wife for just over a year. My wife has recently started asking to try for a third baby and the guilt all just hit me at once. I feel paralyzed. I have nightmares that she finds out from someone else. I've stopped eating and sleeping. I'm starting to get aches and pains from the stress. I don't know what to do. I know I'm an asshole. I know I don't deserve her. But I don't know how to tell her without breaking her. She's amazing and she never deserved this. &#x200B; **Notable comments:** >*Do you understand that you were the primary cause of her PPD? When she told you she felt that it was her fault your son had health issues, that was your cue to console her and tell her that there was no way for her to have prevented it. I can't even imagine the guilt spiral that comment must have sent her on you selfish, inconsiderate piece of trash.* > >*Don't you fucking dare knock her up again without telling her what you've done. She can't count on you and you know it* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0sx75/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*You’re a horrible man. You can see that she’s drowning but you’ll only help if she jogs so you won’t be repulsed by her?! Then double down on that shittiness by staying away even MORE so she doesn’t even have the minuscule help you were giving? Then decided to fuck a teenager 7 years younger than you instead of helping your wife? And then when you were no longer repulsed by your wife you turned your woman hating energy on the teenager you sought out?* > >*Let your wife go, don’t fight on giving her a fair settlement - she deserves more than half of your stuff as well as you helping her get training for a job - and let her find a man that’s not horrible and doesn’t conditionally love her.* > >*And for fucks sake don’t have another kid. You’ll just do the same shit to her again.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0tadj/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*No advice just hope you never have even a single good day ever again.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0qqvm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*You didn't end your affair because it was wrong. You ended it because your wife found the strength to crawl out of the pit you left her floundering in alone. When she needed you most, you bailed. She's a strong woman but you are a weak man. The guilt is what you get to live with for the rest of your life.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0t3sx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*You are an absolutely abhorrent person.* > >*Your wife was so depressed her hair was matted.* > >*I want you to think about that for a few minutes. Think about how low and terrible she must have felt to get to that point.* > >*Instead of being a kind compassionate caring partner and helping her get better you went out and found someone barely legal to sleep with.* > >*I hope she leaves your ass and finds someone who will love her because you do not. You love what she gives you. You love what she does for you. You do not love her.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0ss9m/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Did you even try to get her help with the PPD? Good lord...* > >*If the guilt is eating you alive, tell her. Everything. All at once. No trickle truthing. No downplaying or minimzing. Apologize, commit to therapy, offer a post-nup, whatever you think would help HER to get through the implosion.* > >*Then the ball is in her court, and it's her choice whether to kick you to the curb.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0re64/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*here’s what you do: pack some your bags and THEN tell her so when she tells you to fuck off you don’t have to stick around for as long.* > >*maybe stock up on essentials for the house first as well so while she’s dealing with her heart being fucking broken she doesn’t have to severely worry about it affording essentials without you on top of hurting due to you.* > >*also fuck you, you’re part of the reasons why women get so worried these things will happen to them.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0txff/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*There is nothing here that demonstrates you love your wife and plenty that shows you never did. My mouth was hanging open the whole time reading this. I feel so disgusted by your actions and so terrible for your wife that I have no advice to give.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11pywg7/comment/jc0mdxd/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; [**Update post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbpp4/comment/jcdhm1u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**, on** r/relationship_advice **(March 15th 2023).** **UPDATE: I (28M) don't know how to tell my wife (24F) that I cheated on her while she had post-partum depression** I really didn't expect the last post to blow up so much and even reach TikTok. I'm just going to post an update and then I'll probably delete this account. As per somebody's advice, I took the day off work, dropped our two sons off at their grandparents' house and sat my wife down. I came fully clean. I made no excuses, told her I didn't expect forgiveness and that she had every right to say or do whatever she wanted. She didn't respond for a while, but then very softly and quietly told me that she wanted me out of the house the next day and that we were done. She didn't scream or cry or show any emotion. I asked her if she wanted to say anything else and she said no. I told her I was sorry and she said she didn't want to hear it. We sat in silence for what felt like forever while she stared blankly into space. When our sons came home, seeing how expertly she was able to put on a brave face and not let them know anything was wrong broke my heart. It hit me like a ton of bricks that she was used to doing this, and it was all my fault. I slept in the guest room that night, but didn't get much sleep. The next morning, our older son asked me why mommy was crying again last night and said he wanted to cheer her up. My wife refuses to speak to me, look at me or acknowledge me in any way. I heard her on the phone to her best friend who lives in another country. She told her that she thought she had found a good one and that she was going to break the mold. Her grandfather walked out and left her grandma with nothing. Her dad walked out and left her mom with nothing. I'm a piece of shit, just like every other man in her life. I left today and she didn't even look at me or say anything. She just continued watching TV and crocheting as if nothing was happening. I'm staying at my parents' house and they are disgusted with me. My mom cried when I told her. They love my wife like their own daughter. I let everybody down. I deserve everything coming my way. &#x200B; **Notable comments:** >*Get some therapy, try to act like a decent person during the divorce, and focus on being the best co-parent you can be.* > >*You hurt her, seriously and unforgivably. What little control she gets to have now is how she chooses to deal with this.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbpp4/comment/jccz83x/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Well, congrats. You lost your wife and will see your sons 50% of the time at best.* > >*"I'm staying at my parents' house and they are disgusted with me."* > >*Were they supposed to congratulate you?* > >*"My mom cried when I told her."* > >*Poor woman probably thinks how she messed up for her son to cheat on his wife while she had PPD.* > >*You destroyed your wife, your parents and your kids with your cheating. I hope that "Cassidy" was worth it.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbpp4/comment/jcd5ncl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Aww everybody look at the sob story from the guy who does, in fact, deserve all of this.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbpp4/comment/jccwsuq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Wow you couldn’t keep your dick out of someone else while your wife was suffering with PPD after birthing your child? What a stand up guy! Look everyone! He’s sad his now ex wife didn’t cry and beg him to stay. Gross dude. Really fucking gross.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbpp4/comment/jcd5bpb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*You aren't sorry. You are reveling in being the "worst person in the world."* > >*Your entire focus continues to be on yourself. Your entire post is about how her response made you feel.* > >*Nowhere do you state that you intend to make amends, a critical component of true contrition. The only remorse you seem to have is on bad this is making you feel. You made the utterly selfish choice of telling your wife to alleviate YOUR guilt, not for her sake.* > >*Why weren't you willing to live with the guilt - because, just like your decision to cheat, you were only thinking about yourself, what you wanted, and what felt good for you.* > >*Although your marriage is obviously over (or should be), if you wanted to begin to be a decent person, you'd be focused on how to make amends, how to make the situation easier on your ex-wife, and most importantly, how to ease the transition into a broken home for your children.* > >*How good of you to runaway to your parents and leave all the hard work for your wife.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbpp4/comment/jccz9y9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; **NOTE: Please remember the brigading rule and do not reach out to the OP!** &#x200B; # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost.

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11y39d0/op_cheated_on_his_wife_while_she_was_dealing_with/

11y39d0

I'm (f34) losing my family because they think that I hid the fact from them that my ex, now sister's (f28) husband (m35) is abusive.

ONGOING

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRaSnail2 in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!abuse/domestic violence!< --- &nbsp; [**I'm (f34) losing my family because they think that I hid the fact from them that my ex, now sister's (f28) husband (m35) is abusive.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11qnlcn/im_f34_losing_my_family_because_they_think_that_i/) - Mar 13, 2023 I don't want to go into all the details because it is long boring and still painful (some bits at least) but I met my ex 4 years ago and I at least was madly in love with him. For two years I was blissfully happy until I took him home for Christmas and I caught him making out with my sister. It devastated me. My ex tried to apologize kept trying to get me back but I didn't want anything to do with him anymore and 3 months later, my sister and he were expecting their first. Now they're married with 2 children. My family forgave them eventually when children were in the picture. I kept my distance but I have met them on the occasional family gathering. I still feel hurt by my sister but other than than, I'm good. Last weekend, my mom asked me to come home for something urgent and there was my dad too. They told me that they were disappointed in me for not being honest about my ex being abusive. I was shocked but my mom told me that he is very abusive to my sister. That's when my sister came to my parents and I saw her face and cut lip. I was shocked and I really couldn't say anything other than that I never knew. My sister became very upset and started yelling at me, asking what the f I meant by that. That I was so much better than her that he didn't hurt me? I said no but no amount of swearing that I didn't know and that he must've hidden his true nature. My mom told me to leave and that she was very disappointed. I have cried every day now, remembering my sister's face. But I just don't know why this happened to her. He was so very kind and gentle with me but I can't explain why he was that way. I don't know how people like him work but according to my sister if he is abusive once then he is abusive all the time. I have no experience with people this way. I couldn't answer her. He has been abusive to her since the beginning of their relationship. When I calmed down, I texted my mother because she wasn't answering my calls that my sister is right and abusive people are just abusive but that maybe the circumstances may be different. My sister is younger. I knew that some men show their true colors after marriage, or after children etc. My relationship with him wasn't of the same nature. I tried every explanation but this just seemed to trigger her further because she texted me back that I'm a liar that hid the truth from them instead of warning my sister. She asked if I thought I was better than my sister not to have been abused by the same man. I was shocked. Like it is about the woman? Better women get abused less? I couldn't believe what I was reading. I texted her that she was disgusting to say something like this but I regretted it so much. Now nobody from my family is talking to me, not even my father who I talked to on daily basis. I don't know what to do or how to help. I really need help explaining why my sisters husband is what he is. I feel so guilty. &nbsp; [**UPDATE:I'm (f34) losing my family because they think that I hid the fact from them that my ex, now sister's (f28) husband (m35) is abusive**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbvu3/updateim_f34_losing_my_family_because_they_think/) - Mar 15, 2023 Hello again, this is an update. I am so sorry that I went silent after posting here but I actually wrote my post very late at night and fell asleep afterwards, when I logged in the next day the post was locked and I couldn't answer any of you. I want to thank you for the attention that you given me because I have been so lonely. I have read all of your comments and I have answered as many dms that I could. I'm sorry for not been able to answering everyone. I see that cutting all contact with my family is the most common advice that I got and you are probably right. It is time for me to move on. I never completely and wholeheartedly forgiven my family for accepting my sister's betrayal but I understood that my parents wanted to be in their grandchildren's lives and I would never have wanted the children to be deprived of the love of grandparents since they are innocent in all of this but at the same time, I needn't however like or accept their forgiveness. I just love my family and losing my sister was a hard blow I just didn't want to lose the rest of the family. I kept my distance however beside from my brother (30m) I don't think I mentioned him in my original post. I'm still close to him. Many of you also asked about why my family didn't see the fact that my sister's husband cheated with my own sister as a red flag, this is the first thing I asked my mom but her answer was very disappointing so I didn't even think to include it in my original post. She just made it about me needing to get over it and to let go of my grudge. I have felt some type of guilt because I only talked positively about Him before I introduced him to my family. About his generosity and kindness. He treated me like a queen and his family took me in with warmth. He went out of his way to make me happy and all the dreams we shared about our future together. The places we would visit, and I was so happy when he expressed how he couldn't wait to spend the rest of his life with me (maybe this is a red flag). I was so happy with him and that is all my sister heard me talk about since I met him. With all this in mind I totally understood my sister and her reluctance to believe me. That he showed another side if yet his real side with her. especially when I know that she is in a very vulnerable place right now. I thought I would be understanding and reach out to her once again. I explained everything that I wrote to my mom and the post here. That He probably always been what he was. I got so many stories of girls written to me here about their experience with abuse and how and why it started. I sent my sister the screenshots (with the girls' permission). My sister is 7 years younger than him (while I am only 11 months younger). I didn't live with him. I didn't have any children with him and I wasn't relying on him to provide for my or my children since I didn't need to stay at home to raise children. All and all I sent about 30 instagrams dms explaining. After 3 hours, my sister sent me a a very short reply I know that you are sleeping with him you f\cking wh*re and she blocked me. I didn't even cry this time. Today my brother asked me that he wanted to see me. He came to me after work. He said that my sister had sent everything that I have written to her to the rest of the family and that she was raging mad. My parents are angry with me for distressing her more that she already was. My brother told me to cut my losses and lay low. "You can't help her because she just wants to blame her misery on somebody". From what my brother had gathered from my mom and sister, Her Husband has been violent with her since she refused to terminate her first pregnancy, so the abuse started just a few months into their relationship. My sister was growing more paranoid with time that her husband would cheat on her with me (and probably others) but that was the reason she always disproportionately hated me (SHE hated ME!) because she always thought that I would try to get back at her by taking him back because I still was single and hadn't moved on . It got worse because she always asked him why he was gentler towards me and he told her that it was because I wasn't a cheap wh\re like her which made her believe we still had contact. She also found his secret instagram account where he followed some girls, me included. It hurt me to hear all of this but as my brother said, I can't do anything. She refuses to leave him even with my parents urge and assurance that they could take care of her and her children. I'm heartbroken for her, but I don't think I can do anything. I'm cutting my family out of my life and thats my final decision. ETA: I saw many of you calling me a "doormat", I mean I know you mean well but how juvenile to use such terms. I'm neither a doormat nor do i lack self-respect. I held my head high when I suffered pain from a betrayal very few of you can relate to so forgive me when I say I don't respect your childish behavior. Be better. [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbvu3/updateim_f34_losing_my_family_because_they_think/jcd1sdx/?context=3) >I actually have already been very low contact with my sister. I have only seen her a few times like my cousin's wedding and family gatherings. Never met her in private. she eloped so there was no wedding (I wasn't gonna attend) and I never went to her baby showers or anything. I have never texted her privately (I only have her on a groups iMessage with mom dad and lill bro) >But now I'm going no contact with mom and dad too. I need a break [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbvu3/updateim_f34_losing_my_family_because_they_think/jcemsod/?context=3) >I'm almost 100% sure that he would have become abusive towards me too eventually and that's what I tried to explain to my family and I can't help but try to think back on our relationship trying to remember what red flags I've missed. [Comment:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11sbvu3/updateim_f34_losing_my_family_because_they_think/jcen1iw/?context=3) >after the shock and the heartbreak, I felt lucky but now, knowing how he is treating my sister, I wish he chose someone else to cheat on me with &nbsp; --- &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11ykmo7/im_f34_losing_my_family_because_they_think_that_i/

11ykmo7

My (25F) boyfriend (25M) says really mean things to me in his sleep.

CONCLUDED

I am NOT OP. Original post from r/relationship_advice by u/throwRA-beautifulboy Trigger Warnings: >!alcoholism!< Mood spoiler: >!Surprising!< >!Optimistic!< A woman struggles with her boyfriend saying mean things to her in his sleep. She wonders if she's being too sensitive and how to keep her sensitivity from affecting their relationship. --- Original Post: 10/17/2020 - [My (25F) boyfriend (25M) says really mean things to me in his sleep.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jd2vff/my_25f_boyfriend_25m_says_really_mean_things_to/) TL;DR: My boyfriend yelled at me in his sleep, calling me annoying because I attempted to wake him up to get my blanket back. I need to preface this by saying that when my boyfriend is awake, he is wonderful and I couldn’t be happier. We laugh and joke all day and spending time with him in general is truly a joy. Yes, I mean this. No, he doesn’t upset me at all when he’s awake. Also, for some background, he works night shifts at a job he really hates, so when he comes home, he likes to just relax unwind, usually with whiskey or beer. Typically we cuddle or I massage his back and legs until he’s drunk enough to fall asleep. [[EDIT: he doesn’t need alcohol to fall asleep. I worded this wrong. He can fall asleep fine without it, I just meant that the alcohol makes him fall asleep quicker than usual.]] I have insomnia so I usually end up staying awake for awhile after he falls asleep. I’m also really sensitive to aggressive tone of voice due to some past trauma. He only really talks in his sleep if I shift too quickly or try to move him over a little bit if I have no room on the bed or if I move the blanket too much and it disturbs him. he usually snaps at me saying “quit fucking moving!” or “can you please fucking stop” or “oh my fucking god,” just things in general that give off an indication that he’s really annoyed with me. There’s also been a couple unprompted times where he’s stirred or rolled over (I guess disturbing his own sleep) and said things like “I can do better than this” etc. Because of my sensitivity I usually end up crying over these things. I try to make it a point not to bring up the things he says/does in his sleep (unless they’re funny which sometimes happens) because, for one, I really don’t think he can control it, and two, when I have brought up things he’s said, he always ends up feeling horribly guilty for the things he says and that makes me feel guilty for saying anything. Last night, in his sleep, he ripped my blanket away from me (we sleep with separate blankets because this has been an issue in the past) and tucked it under himself and his own blanket. It was really cold in the room so I tried to take it back, but he grabbed my hand and shoved it away. I didn’t want to have to wake him up but he’s a lot stronger than me and no matter what I tried to do I just couldn’t get the blanket back. I shook him gently and kept saying “baby, can you please give me back my blanket”. I was met with sleepy grunts but he still wouldn’t give it back. Finally after a little persistence he sat up really quickly and yelled “WHAT do you WANT? JESUS YOU’RE ANNOYING.” I said “I just want my blanket back please.” He shoved it towards me and nearly knocked me off the bed and then instantly laid back down and started snoring. I didn’t sleep at all last night because of this. It’s really eating at me. I really don’t want to be annoying to him, especially when he’s trying to rest after work. But I also don’t know how I can keep putting up with this. Part of me wonders if he actually means any of the things he says. When he woke up this morning I couldn’t bring myself to say anything about it but I also couldn’t look him in the eye. I guess my question in this is am I being too sensitive? Should I bring this up to him? I don’t know how much that would accomplish because he usually has no recollection of it and doesn’t know how to control it. What can I do to keep my sensitivity from affecting our relationship and the way I see him/myself? --- First Update: 10/22/2020 - [[UPDATE] My (25F) boyfriend (25M) says really mean things to me in his sleep.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jfwjps/update_my_25f_boyfriend_25m_says_really_mean/) First, I’d like to address the comments accusing my boyfriend of being an alcoholic, being abusive, accusing me of lying about how happy I am in the relationship, or claiming he wasn’t actually asleep during this and wanted an excuse to abuse me. Y’all are, and really I cannot stress this enough, fucking crazy. What a leap. He functions just fine without alcohol and I’ve seen him go weeks without it. He doesn’t need alcohol to fall asleep. He drinks after work because that’s how he likes to unwind. The same as one might go to a bar on the weekend. And for those of you with anecdotes about how your partners started off like this before leading into full-on abuse, I am deeply sorry that you endured that, and I wish healing on all of you. But that’s not what this is. I’ve known my boyfriend for 10 years. He doesn’t have an abusive bone in his body. Onto the update: Shortly after I made this post, I asked him if he thought I was annoying. He said “of course not,” and asked me what prompted the question. When I brought up what he did in his sleep, he got very quiet for a short while and then asked “Why didn’t you slap the shit out of me?” which made me chuckle quite a bit. He then went onto say that he would prefer I tell him about the things he says in his sleep, stressing that if he crosses a line like that ever again I have full permission to smack the life out of him (I never would). I asked him if it was a possibility that the alcohol was making his sleep more restless and he said “maybe, i don’t know.” I then asked him if it would be a possibility to try going a couple nights without alcohol, and he agreed. Since then, our co-sleeping has been wonderful, restful, and peaceful—except for the night before last. He shook me awake while I was sleeping, and I asked him what was up. “Baby....baby, I’ll show you.” I had no idea what he was talking about so I asked him. He said “I’ll show you.” I said “Baby, are you still asleep?” “Yeaaaaahhhhhhh.... I’ll show you.” He instantly started snoring again. I must’ve giggled myself back to sleep. Anyways, I wanted to thank everyone for the kind advice and we’ve decided to cut alcohol out before bed as it’s seemed to help immensely. Bless <3 --- Final Update: 3/15/2023 - [[UPDATE] My [25F] boyfriend [25F] says mean things to me in his sleep.](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwRA-beautifulboy/comments/11s8fe5/update_my_25f_boyfriend_25f_says_mean_things_to/) Hi. It’s me again. Going back and reading these posts was insanely difficult. I want to kick myself for how deep in denial I was. Everyone in the comments was telling me that my boyfriend is an alcoholic and I fought so hard against that. But it was true. A few months after my last post, I had an epiphany moment. It was 3am, and he was drunk. He begged me to make him a pot of spaghetti because he liked the way I cooked it. I asked him if he would strain the pot for me, because the pot we had didn’t have thermal-safe handles (or whatever they’re called) and I often would burn myself trying to do it on my own. He grumbled for a bit and said fine. But after less than 5 minutes he said he was going to hang out in our bedroom. I begged him not to, because he would fall asleep, and trying to wake him when he falls asleep drunk often became a nightmare of verbal abuse. He insisted he wouldn’t fall asleep, but lo and behold, he did. I thought to myself, Great. Now I get to choose between burning my hands, or being berated until I cry, all over a pot of fucking spaghetti. I chose to burn my hands. I angrily made myself a plate and put the rest in a tupperware, and reality hit. I’m just like my mom. My mom has been with an alcoholic for 13 years. He is awful to her in so many ways, but she puts up with it because A) she feels like she can’t do any better, and B) she believes it’s her duty as a wife to just deal with it quietly. And I was falling down the same path. I thought that if I could just grin and bear it, he’d see how much I love him and how much I do for him and realise that he needs to put in the same effort. Boy howdy was I fucking wrong. I took off to a friend’s house for the night and he panicked when he woke up in the morning and I wasn’t there. He called me, crying, begging me to return. I unleashed all my feelings in return, and in more words told him that I didn’t have much of an incentive to return, and how could I know that he’d do better? His tears turned to anger, and he screamed down the phone. It was terrifying. I ended up going back home to collect some things, and told him that I needed to separate from him because I didn’t know how to help him anymore, and as deeply as I loved him, I couldn’t stay and watch him kill himself any longer. I’ll never forget the look he gave me. It was like I had kicked him in the stomach. I stayed with my friend for a month or so, with little to no contact with him. I ended up having to return to collect the rest of my stuff, and I noticed something strange. He had always been kind of a slob, leaving empty beer and liquor bottles on the floor beside his bed, but when I returned, by the side of his bed were only tea, soda, and water bottles. His face was less sunken, and he didn’t smell like beer at all. When he went to the bathroom, I took a sneak peek in his garbage can just to be sure. It was full, but there were no signs of anything alcoholic. He caught me peeking, and asked what I was doing. He then told me that he hadn’t touched alcohol since the day I left. I was shocked. We ended up sitting and talking for awhile. He said being sober was hard and he had the shakes all the time, and he missed me. I missed him too. I’ve been infatuated with him since I was 13; those feelings weren’t going away anytime soon. To wrap things up for the sake of character count, we ended up getting back together. He celebrates 2 years of sobriety this week. I’m so proud of him. He sleeps restfully now (with the exception of a mumble here or there in his sleep), and is no longer mean to me in any facet. Also, we’re engaged now. Thanks for reading. I’m sorry I fought you guys so hard, and thank you for telling me the truth even though I wasn’t ready to hear it.

NascentEcho

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11yogwl/my_25f_boyfriend_25m_says_really_mean_things_to/

11yogwl

WIBTA if I filed another noise complaint about my neighbor’s very loud toddler?

CONCLUDED

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/TeHNyboR](https://www.reddit.com/user/TeHNyboR/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Your fun fact to cover up spoilers: another Florida Man on this date. I chose March 16 since that's when OOP updated. On March 16, 2021, a man was sentenced to 7 years in prison with a $300K fine. His crime? He was scamming businesses pretending to be a member of the musical group Wu-Tang Clan and using stolen credit cards. He used the cards (and his supposed fame) to buy/rent limousines, caterers and fancy hotels along with other friends who were also in on the scheme. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Things work out for OOP!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1133kot/wibta_if_i_filed_another_noise_complaint_about_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)**: February 15, 2023** I’m really torn about this. I (F33) work fully remote and am a bit of a homebody so I am usually in my apartment most of the time either working or living my life as one does. Several months back we had a family move in across the hall from us with a little girl around 2 or 3 years old. They moved in over the course of two weeknights, so lots of banging and shout-talking in the halls between 10-12 at night, so not a good first impression for both myself and my roommate. Over the months they’ve been here, their little one has proven to be extremely vocal. While working she will often scream bloody murder at the top of her lungs, loud enough that it feels like she’s standing directly in my apartment. I’ve had people on calls with me (while I’m wearing headphones) ask who is screeching in the background and I have to apologize and state that it’s my neighbors child. Even at night I will hear her screaming all the way in my bedroom, which is the farthest room in my apartment from the front door. It’s not so much “I’m scared” screaming (that would warrant a different call) or “yay I’m a toddler having fun” screaming, it’s more “I’m throwing a tantrum” screaming and there are some days where it’s near constant. I will be doing laundry on the bottom floor (we are on the top floor) and I can hear her all the way on the first floor just yelling and screaming clear as day. I have called and complained about them to our office (they also shout talk in the hallway to each other when they have visitors, and no carpet in the halls means it echoes and is LOUD) and I know multiple other neighbors of mine both on the same floor and downstairs have called with complaints too. Yesterday I had called in with a bad migraine and even in my room with the door closed I could hear her going full air raid siren, even until 10pm and that just made my blood boil. It doesn’t even sound like her parents try to get her to calm down. I’ve spoke to my friends with kids about this and they’ve told me to just “keep it moving” because parenting is hard. I am an aunt to two spectacular kids so I get it, but I don’t think I should have to deal with an out of control toddler who screams all day and night. My neighbors already have two violations for excessive noise and i believe one more could get them evicted. While the noise is definitely an issue they have been warned about multiple times by management (i should add that they don't speak English or i would have talked to them myself) and interferes with both my work and downtime, i cant help but feel immensely guilty knowing i may get a little girl and her family evicted. But even as i write this post, she is banshee shrieking and has been on and off for close to a half hour. WIBTA if i filed another noise complaint, even though it may result in a family getting evicted? ***Relevant Comments:*** "The insulation here is actually pretty great. I’ve lived here for quite a while and this is the only issue that has ever really affected me. The woman next to me has a kid and I don’t hear a peep out of them. Couple times I’ve heard him cry in the hall or splash around in the tub and that’s fine. It’s faint and I can barely hear it. This is near constant screaming from across the hall to my place." *About the parents:* "They’re literally in the apartment all day too. Their car never moves from their parking space, and right now it’s winter so going outside probably wouldn’t be too nice since it’s so cold. But they never leave and I think her having a place to run around and play would help a ton" "This isn’t section 8 housing though, and the husband works. The wife stays at home in the apartment all day with the kid. And I don’t want to break my lease as I have a roommate to consider and it’s $1000 to break it. Working at a friends is a no go as I deal in very confidential information and either have to work from home or the office, and as I have a chronic pain condition that can flare up randomly I feel better physically and mentally working from home. Also I’ve lived here 8 years, they’ve been here about 4 months. If anyone should move it’s them. Sorry if that sounds harsh but this is my home" *Talk to them about it:* "They don’t speak English. I tried to say hi and strike up a conversation when they first moved in and they just shook their head and said “‘no English.” ***OOP is voted NTA, though many of the first comments were pretty brutal about their YTA votes*** **EDIT (Same Post): February 16, 2023 (Next Day)** Just making an edit to answer some questions I've been seeing asked repeatedly on here: * Noise cancelling headphones aren't always an option for me. My job requires I make calls and I can't make & take calls with earplugs in. Also I’ve had people tell me they can hear her over said headphones, which is embarrassing * My office space is in an open area so I can't really noise-proof my home office. * It costs $1000 to break my lease and I have a roommate to consider. I've also been in my apartment for 8 years and they've only been here for 4-5 months. The only thing getting broken around here are eardrums and my patience. * I have no clue if she's on the spectrum or not or if she has a disability. * I don't suspect abuse and have not called CPS, however a wellness check may be in order... * I cannot move my home office nor can I work at a friend’s house as I work in a department that works in confidential information, so I need to be at home or at the office. I also suffer from chronic pain so WFH is easier on me mentally and physically Also in my post when I said "I'm an aunt, I get it" I mean that I understand kids can be LOUD. I get it to a fault, not completely as I'm not a parent, but I understand. Thank you very much for all the feedback that has been given so far, I really appreciate it! **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11sw5l8/update_wibta_if_i_filed_another_noise_complaint/)**: March 16, 2023 (1 month later)** Hello again! It’s been about a month since my original post & I thought I’d provide an update. Before I get into it I just wanted to thank you all for reading my original post and offering your opinion on the matter, whether it was making me TA or not. However to those who told me to pay the $1000 lease breaking fee or buy a house, I take PayPal, CashApp, & Venmo! So to cut right to it, I ended up filing another noise complaint against the neighbors across the hall after a particularly bad tantrum that involved not only screaming & crying, but banging against their front door as well. It lasted from 6:30pm to roughly 10pm, & I managed to get a small snippet on video to show the office staff. The next day I went to the leasing office and showed the manager the video from the night prior. Needless to say she was appalled and apologized profusely, stating she didn't realize they were being THAT loud on a daily basis. She had me fill out another written complaint and said that they would be sending out a final warning, meaning that if they didn't get their act together in a week they would be served a 30 day eviction notice. While I filled out another written complaint, she explained to me that the family was Indian and confirmed that neither the husband or wife spoke English, though the wife could understand a bit. She also said that every time they came to the office the little girl would run around screaming and jumping on furniture while the mom ignored her behavior. Even when they went to sign the lease she said they brought at least 8 other people and their kids with them and these kids would also run around screaming and jumping on the furniture. I know it was suggested she could be on the spectrum or have a disability, but since other kids were behaving like this I think it’s more learned behavior. After the warning was sent out it was quiet. \*Too\* quiet. I noticed their carport was empty as well as their other car. And it wasn't until the other day when I was coming up the stairs after doing laundry that I saw an older gentleman leaving the apartment. I smiled and gave a polite nod and managed to see that their apartment was completely empty. No furniture, no nothing. It seems like they abandoned the place as eviction (from what the office staff told me) wouldn't be that quick. So that’s my update! It looks like instead of taking the 7 day warning they just abandoned their lease instead. They always had visitors so I think they have a very supportive community around them and probably moved in with friends. While the situation overall sucks, I’m glad that it didn’t come to eviction. Thanks again to all of you, and I hope your day is full of awesome! TL;DR - put in another complaint after another 4 hour tantrum, neighbors chose to abandon their lease instead of quiet down after a final warning ***Relevant Comment:*** *People called her racist for including their ethnicity because it's reddit:* "I added it because in my original post I expressed that there was a language barrier which is why I didn’t talk to them about the noise issue. I tried and very quickly realized they couldn’t understand me. I also added it as I wanted to see if there was a cultural disconnect between what they’re used to and what we live with in the US. No ill intentions by mentioning their ethnic background, just seeking out understanding of a potential culture difference."

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11z9kp7/wibta_if_i_filed_another_noise_complaint_about_my/

11z9kp7

My husband cheated so I told everyone

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/trueoffmychest_ta in r/TrueOffMyChest on Aug 4, '22, updated Mar 16, '23. [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wg57ti/my_husband_cheated_so_i_told_everyone/) My husband cheated so I told everyone He has nothing right now and definitely doesn't care. I'm 7 months pregnant now but when I was 5 months I found out he was cheating... while I was I the hospital with pneumonia. I just posted about my mom but I kind of want to get everything off my chest. He is adopted but knows his biological family. I told his adopted family, biological family, my family, my friends, his friends, etc. A lot came out when I found out. I found out he cheated on every girlfriend he's had. I'm now friends with his ex's (who he lied to about everything as well. He told me he wasn't in contact with them and they found out about me when his mom died and I was in her obituary because - shocker - she's my MIL). He says I ruined his life. I want to. He's hiding like a coward. He won't answer messages from anyone. He tried telling my mother that he spoke to an attorney and I made him feel guilty for not being happy when he mentioned it (never happened. In fact when I asked if he was cheating, he swore on his mother's grave he wasn't - a lie). There's so much to this story but I just don't understand how some people can do this. He wanted his perfect wife and kids, and his little girlfriend on the side. He was never going to leave me and now he's not responding to my divorce attorney. I want him out of my life, since he was so unhappy. But suddenly he's too busy for the divorce he claims he wants (or at started claiming when I kicked him out of the house. When I told him to leave because he was cheating, he told me he's "been unhappy a long time and spoke to a lawyer a month ago but didn't know how to tell me".... so he cheated and lied to hide it for weeks). He wanted the baby I'm pregnant with (I didn't want another for 2 more years) but now that we're not together, he says it's my choice and I can have full custody. He's mad at me because his affair partner was also cheating on her boyfriend and I told said boyfriend. Apparently, because I did that, my husband doesn't have to apologize for what he did to me because I'm trying to ruin his and his new girlfriends life. He said he's not sorry, he doesn't regret it, and he's "accepted what he's done" and I need to get over it. But he can't even say the words "I cheated". Just "you don't know my side" and "I've accepted what I've done". I want him to suffer like I am. And he has no one. But, I know he doesn't care because he's twisted it in his mind so that he's justified because I told everyone what he did so clearly I'm the bad guy. If he had a side, he would tell his whole family so that they wouldn't hate him but instead he blocks their numbers. He knows he can't lie to anyone who can ask me because I have all the proof and anything he says I can disprove so he says nothing. Yet, insists he's not in the wrong. I really know how to pick them. Now I'm a single mom of two. *More info in the comments:* I felt like if I didn't then it would give him a chance to convince me that it was my fault somehow. Now I have even his family at my back telling me to not ever take him back and that honestly is a big help to keeping me from breaking down and trying to "fix" him so my family can be whole. . His brother logged into his Facebook and made a post about what he did so he deleted his Facebook the next morning lol . When we got together I told him cheating was my HARD LINE. No forgiveness. He said he understand because he's been cheated on (lie), little did I know he had a girlfriend when we got together... I still don't understand how he thought that was okay somehow. . Based on new evidence I believe the AP knew about me and they had some sort of "we both have partners so we both have something to lose" agreement but when I first messaged her (after she stopped ignoring me the first 2 days) she said "He says that he's divorcing you and the baby isn't his". [Update 7 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11t5zik/update_my_husband_cheated_so_i_told_everyone/) This is kind of a small update, but I was excited and remembered this account, so I wanted to say that you don't have to be healed for things to be better. Good things can still happen even if you're sad. Thus far, I have gotten a pay raise at work, and come the new year, I'll be promoted and take over my own store with another pay raise. I've been going out more and enjoying myself. I have concert tickets and hockey tickets that I'm very excited about. I had my son in October, and in January, I started eating healthier, and I've lost 20 lbs so far. I'm seeing someone, sort of. We are exclusive, on accident... just kind of stopped seeing others in favor of each other, but not official, and he makes me smile. I went to the dealership we got our cars from and found out that ex has been telling people that I cheated and was abusive. They gave me a free oil change because they felt so bad when I broke down. I proved that was a lie and talked to them for a while. I knew he would do that, but it's nice to have proof, and it's exactly why I kept everything I had. As for my husband... the judge officially signed the divorce decree in January! I've been NC with him since June 2022, so I wasn't getting a lot of updates there until the (now) EX-affair partner messaged me. I knew that his car has a repo order on it and that he was struggling dating but that he had "found someone." He has his whole family blocked. But on Thanksgiving, she messaged me that she had left him, and she was sorry. I didn't message her back until this month because I just wasn't ready, but I did and found out that he's been fired from 3 jobs since I left him and now he doesn't have her either. I do think he's seeing someone, and I think I figured out who, but I don't want to be involved even though I want to warn her. I'm torn, but I decided to let him do as he does because I don't want to give him a reason to reach out. He has reached out to my mother once because he was posted in a toxic men Facebook group with a warning for other girls and decided it was me. Even then, he didn't even ask how our son was. He has never met him or seen him or asked about him. My in-laws are still my family, and my grandmother in law calls every week to talk to me. My aunt and sister-in-law are coming to my oldest son's birthday so he can see his cousins on that side and they can see me. So, in all, I'm doing good, and he is not. But, I am not official with the guy I'm seeing for a couple of reasons. I am still paranoid, anxious, and stressed. I don't fully trust my instincts. I am aware of all of that. Better things are still happening, and I am sure it will get better. I am excited to one day be fully healed AND living a good life. I don't know how long that will take, but that's okay. The only thing besides all that is that he has yet to pay child support or any of the money he was ordered to pay in the divorce so we will have to go back to court to enforce that. Who knows what hell that will bring. Edit: Thank you for the award! I feel the love and support from the comments, and I appreciate every single one of you. I can only hope that if someone who is struggling to leave a situation like mine reads this, they find that strength and respect for themselves to go. Never stay with someone who hurts you. It's not worth it. *In the comments:* >Small update? This is tremendous! You’re free of him and tracking upwards. Well done you. OP: Thank you! I felt it was small because I only did what I said I would, but I'll admit the amount of joy I felt when the judge signed is comparable to very little. And I'm doing good, if a little strung out emotionally. *I'm flairing this ongoing as OOP mentioned having to go back to court* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11zei52/my_husband_cheated_so_i_told_everyone/

11zei52

AITA for housing my daughter by not my stepdaugher?

CONCLUDED

I AM NOT THE OOP. Original posted on r/AITA on 2/25/23, update posted on r/AITA on 3/5/23, both by [https://www.reddit.com/user/Activeview001/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Activeview001/) **ORIGINAL POST** [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11bnjsv/aita\_for\_housing\_my\_daughter\_by\_not\_my\_stepdaugher/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11bnjsv/aita_for_housing_my_daughter_by_not_my_stepdaugher/) Hi everyone, This is a doozie and I think I might be the AH, but I wanted some opinions. I'm a (48m) who inherited a beach house from my grandfather. The house has been in my family for generations, and it has a lot of sentimental value to me. I am now with my long-term girlfriend for seven years after a divorce from my first wife which ended on good terms. She has a daughter from a previous marriage, and I have a daughter from my marriage as well. Our daughters are each 17 with mine being basically three months younger. Kara, the oldest will be 18 in May. Kara has been in my life for seven years and we have a good relationship however she has an active father in her life so I did not fill that role. I was in her life 50% of the time so I have no doubt I played a large role in her life, but I wouldn’t say father, but others do say a nonlegal step-father. I have my daughter, Emmy, half time as well aside from Summers where I had her more due to my and my ex’s lifestyle. With that said, my ex and I have a good relationship as does our daughter with all of us. Kara and Emmy have gotten along, and they are friendly. They have made plans independent of myself and my GF but they don’t consider themselves sisters or best friends. Now to the issue. Kara will be going to school near the beach house and has asked if she can live in it to save the money which would be significant. Emmy approached me and has said she wanted to live there after the Summer but wanted to live alone while also in school. The home is more than big enough for two, but she pointed out that they have very different lifestyles and would be far more comfortable alone or with a friend if I insisted she live with someone. It was a frank conversation and she brought up the fact that the home will be hers one day, so it made sense, and she’s right, the home will be hers by law in a few years as I will pass it to her. My GF and Kara are very upset and calling it favoritism and pointing out that she will already be set for life between having a free ride to school via scholarships and housing while Kara will be using loans. And may have to take a gap year or attend another school altogether. They are asking me to reconsider, and I think I’ve damaged my relationship. AITA for this decision? I agree that it’s favoritism, but Emmy is my daughter… Of course I’m going to favour her, right? **Comments:** Top Comment: “NTA. You're Kara's mom's boyfriend and not Kara's stepfather (seeing as you're not married). Kara's dad needs to step up and support her if money is an issue.” **Other posters agree/OP is NTA:** This is not in any way favoritism because you aren't married and you do not share assets. You haven't legally adopted Kara and the house isn't some asset the girlfriend will ever be entitled to. Girlfriend and Kara are acting entitled and are 100% in the wrong. I would put the house in your daughter's name as soon as she turns 18 and let them know you have no say in what she chooses to do with her property. Again they were never entitled to any part of this lake house. “exactly! since its mentioned that her bio dad is actively in her life.” “Chances are that neither Kara's mom nor dad have that kind of money. But that doesn't change the fact that the daughter who is in line to inherit that house doesn't want to live there with Kara, and apparently has non-petty reasons for that wish. OP is NTA. But this might still be the end of the relationship.” “Shes not trying to steal inheritance. She's trying to get help from someone who's been in her life for like half/third of her life. He may not have married her mom yet, but he has been dating her for like 7 years.” **Fence sitting posts:** “They are not ah for asking, but they are ah for not accepting "no" as an answer and finding it unfair that he treats his own daughter differently than his not-even-stepdaughter.” “She wants to go there for school, not live there permanently. He's still not the asshole but I dont think she or her mom are either.” **Posters disagree/OP is TA:** “Not the point. Op has the ability to help Kara out. A child who's life he's been in for 7 years who's mother he is dating at little cost to himself. The girls living together as a roommate situation during school is hardly uncommon and learning to deal/live with people who live different lifestyles and whatnot is a valuable skill. I have to go against the mob here and say YTA, OP. It’s still your house, not your daughter’s. You’ve admitted that the area is barely affordable for a middle class family, let alone a student, and that neither your partner or her ex would be able to contribute enough financially to make finding secure housing feasible. Ultimately, it’s your call to make. Your bio daughter would like, but certainly doesn’t need, a whole ass house to herself, whereas the girl who has been in your life for the past seven years needs safe and affordable housing. Give in to your bio daughter’s demands, and you’ll be showing your partner exactly how much she and hers mean to you: very little. This could be a relationship killer.” **UPDATE POST** by [https://www.reddit.com/user/Activeview001/](https://www.reddit.com/user/Activeview001/) on r/AITA 3/5/23 [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11j1vfo/aita\_for\_housing\_my\_daughter\_but\_not\_my/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11j1vfo/aita_for_housing_my_daughter_but_not_my/) I spoke to Emmy and her mom and let them know where I stood, and that was beside Emmy, but I also felt that Kara and her mom deserved a genuine conversation. The conversation was this past Friday. The talk started out ok. Obviously there were some emotions, but I started the conversation with telling everyone, there would be no yelling and tears would not be used to influence anyone. After it was all said, and we began I just proposed the situation as: “This is a second home that I own fully and outright. It will be Emmy’s fully legally and in name in a few years, but as of today, it is mine- however, like the house, Emmy is mine and my responsibility. No one but us is entitled to it, and make no mistake, Emmy is indeed entitled to it. It may not be fair in your eyes, but it is what it is.” “Emmy I can see why they may think it’s selfish as the house can accommodate you both, but I will support whatever you want to do. This is not a discussion to change your mind but to better understand it. “ It started pretty bluntly from Emmy and her mom saying they didn’t understand why she didn’t want her to live there as this would dictate a huge part of her future. The answer was half expected, and the other half hard for everyone to swallow. Emmy said she didn’t trust Kara to actually focus on school and not make the home into a party house. She point blank asked Kara if she could actually accept not having guests over. Kara said something like “a few people two or three days a week wouldn’t be a problem.” The answer should have been “yes.” Emmy said she wouldn’t feel safe with her bringing over strange men whenever she wanted and her dad would want to visit, and she doesn’t trust him at all. She said School was her main focus and staying safe would be a worry if Kara was there. Kara and her mom got defensive, but I told them it didn’t matter. She can’t say she won’t bring people over tells me all I need to know, and my daughters safety is paramount, and kara focuses were blurred. Socializing is fine, but perhaps I was wrong and it had gotten out of hand. I told my GF that as her mother she would have to address that, and that whatever the plan would be for Karas schooling had she not ever met me would have to be her course of action, As for Emmy after the conversation I told her she would have a roommate as I felt it was important. She was ok with that and asked if she could ask a friend. I told her yes so all is good there. As everyone guessed, GF is now ex-gf. She asked me to stay somewhere else for a week while she found somewhere to stay. I reminded her that this was also my house, but she was free to leave whenever. She ended up going to stay with a co-worker, but something happened. She asked to come back, but I told her it wouldn’t be wise. That’s the update. Daughter is happy, I’m better than I thought I would be, todays a new day!, Ex will figure it out, and Kara has time to learn and grow. **\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*BORU OP, MEXICALIDESI HERE. OOP,** [**https://www.reddit.com/user/Activeview001/**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Activeview001/) **SAW THIS BORU POST AND HAS UPDATED AGAIN, COMMENTING BELOW ON THIS BORU POST. THANKS FOR CATCHING US UP, OOP. ALSO THANKS TO** [**https://www.reddit.com/user/eklatea/**](https://www.reddit.com/user/eklatea/) **FOR ALERTING ME TO THIS NEW UPDATE HERE FROM OOP, I HAVEN'T BEEN READING ALL THE COMMENTS BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY! \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*** *OOP’S BORU UPDATE* To make a very long story short, this was not the full conclusion that I thought it would be. I’m not super familiar with Reddit and I thought that update was deleted or not post by the moderators. Kara is now in jail. She was picked up in a stolen kia by some friends and they used the car to break into a pawn shop. I couldn’t tell you what was stolen or how much was stolen, but some football cards were taken and I guess they were worth more than the car and building damage. I understand people will say a lot about this, but I can honestly say she never did anything remotely like this. The worst I think I saw her do was break a dish on purpose when she was 13. My ex.. well, she’s living at a shelter now. She was not cheating on me, and I never thought she was. That was just people making leaps. Unfortunately the woman she was living with asked her to join her and her husband for” activities” after moving in. She felt she had to do it for a place to live and she regretted it. She told people at work and was terminated after refusing a transfer. My daughter and I are good, but mentally shook. [https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11zwny5/aita\_for\_housing\_my\_daughter\_by\_not\_my\_stepdaugher/jdfyrji?utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_source=share&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11zwny5/aita_for_housing_my_daughter_by_not_my_stepdaugher/jdfyrji?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)

Mexicalidesi

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11zwny5/aita_for_housing_my_daughter_by_not_my_stepdaugher/

11zwny5

I’m having doubts on if my daughter is biologically mine and don’t know if I should do a paternity test and risk my marriage.

INCONCLUSIVE

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/wave_key_20 OOP has since deleted his account **I’m having doubts on if my daughter is biologically mine and don’t know if I should do a paternity test and risk my marriage.** Trigger warning: >!infidelity, death of a parent!< Originally posted to r/Advice [OriginalPost](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11t7w2x/im_having_doubts_on_if_my_daughter_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) March 16, 2023 I’m new to Reddit but I’m currently in a tough place and need an outside perspective. Me and my wife of 3 years have a baby girl she’s 2. They’re my world and honestly I’ve been beating myself up even having these thoughts but recently I’ve doubted if she’s really my biological daughter. We have similarities but there are certain things that have me second guessing. My wife and I both have green eyes I’m mixed and she’s Italian and American. My baby has brown eyes I know it’s a possible for two green eyed parents to have a brown eyed baby but I’ve read it’s rare. A few years back I had to travel for work and I had my suspicions of my wife cheating but the thought alone brought me to tears. I discussed it with her and she assured me she was loyal to me. She has cheated in her previous relationship but I didn’t want to judge based on that because she was in high school and we’ve all done dumb shit we regret as kids. I have discussed my concerns with her and to say I caused an argument would be an understatement. She got extremely upset and asked me how I could insinuate that she would ever cheat on me or that my baby isn’t mine. I’ve spoken to her in the past about my doubts and she told me she would never cheat. I brought it up again and said I had my doubts but I’ll drop it and apologized. She got very defensive and started crying saying “I guess you want a paternity test since you don’t believe me”. I said no but after speaking with my family about it I think I may want one just to clear my mind. If she’s mine I’ll hate myself for ever being doubtful but if she’s not I still haven’t thought about the consequences that can bring. She is my daughter and I love her no matter what but what will that do to my marriage. This has caused me so much internal conflict and I’ve spent nights crying thinking I could be making the biggest mistake of my life. If anyone has any advice or has been in a similar situation from mine or my wife’s perspective it would be greatly appreciated [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/11u7nf8/update_im_having_doubts_on_if_my_daughter_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 17, 2023 I don’t know if this is the right way to make an update post i did make an edit on my original post as well. I wasn’t expecting to make this update especially the day after. This conversation with my wife isn’t new. But from the point where I made the comment she’s been very cold and threatening our marriage saying I better not get the test done behind her back and she also would not allow it to happen at all. I read comments from a lot of women saying they’d be pissed too either way if the test positive or negative from mistrust, so I thought that was the case. We did have a long conversation this morning. She looked through my phone last night and found the post. That’s what sparked the conversation again. She said she was hurt I would keep bringing this up and I should trust her and leave my insecurities behind. It was long conversation, a lot of tears and words were said. I offered marriage counseling and dropped the topic of the dna test. She refused and said it’s ridiculous and doesn’t want to involve anyone else in our marriage. I read a lot of comments and stories saying sometimes the guilt will get to them and they’ll just confess without needing to do a test… I didn’t think that would happen in my case but it did. She told me that she didn’t want this to happen but she did cheat on me and my daughter is not mine. She said she wanted me to be the father and loved me and thought this would be her best option. She didn’t want me to take a test and find out on my own which I wish she would’ve come clean way before. I didn’t know how to respond but asked who the father was because my mind already is making a million assumptions. She didn’t tell me and began crying more telling me to not hate her and not end the marriage. I didn’t say anything again waiting for an answer. This happened early this morning and I didn’t an answer until this afternoon. I had to leave for work this morning so when I came back she had calmed down a bit and was ready to tell me. Her answer was probably the last thing I was expecting. She cried while saying this but said a few years back when I went on a business trip, she slept with my father who she “ran into on a drunk night” I don’t believe it. My father passed away in December from a colon cancer when he was 45. He did meet my daughter, half sister, his daughter idk.. but never said anything clearly. She said they both decided it was a dumb mistake (a major understatement) and it’d be best to erase it and play me as being the father. Me and my father never had the best relationship I grew up with my single mom but he was present in my life and when he passed it hurt my family a lot. So hearing this broke me. I am currently staying with my brother. I haven’t spoken about what I’ve learned with anyone even him. I don’t think I’ve fully processed so coming here to write this felt like a good place to get my thoughts out. I didn’t say anything after she told me that and just left after she finished explaining. I don’t know where I even go from here. I don’t want to abandon my child while she’s technically my half sister but do need time to process this. I don’t think any amount of marriage therapy will fix this so divorce is my next step. I am going to seek a therapist for myself and help myself so I can be there for my daughter. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/120h7w4/im_having_doubts_on_if_my_daughter_is/

120h7w4

OOP's Qultist father is destroying his family

ONGOING

*This is a repost sub. I am not the original poster. The OP is /u/MisallocatedRacism.* *Fun fact to cover up spoilers for mobile users:* Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is a made up word coined in 1935 by the then president of the National Puzzlers' League, Everett M. Smith. It is the longest word in the English language. It has no real meaning, but it has sometimes been incorrectly used as a synonym for the occupational diseases known as *silicosis* and *pneumoconiosis*. Themes and trigger warning(s): >!COVID-19, QAnon, family, death, politics!< Mood: >!ongoing misery!< --- ###[My 86 year old grandma called me crying because of my Qultist dad yesterday. ](https://redd.it/j7zujh) - 09 Oct 2020 in /r/QAnonCasualties --- He and my uncle have been Qultists for a couple of years now, I've posted about it before. I have drawn a clear line in the sand with them and they know I won't tolerate any political talk and *certainly* no QAnonsense. My grandma doesn't understand what Q is but she knows that her relationship with her sons has gotten especially strained this year. They think COVID is a hoax of course, and are doing the typical trumpism bullshit when it comes to masks and business closures. She has said he talks about Q but she doesnt know what it is. I told her it's like political aliens. I've seen him try to "redpill" at family gatherings but everyone tends to avoid him until he sits in the corner alone to scroll through twitter for the rest of the evening. Pretty sad to see what used to be an intelligent and responsible person devolve into a shell of a man. My dad, once a successful C/VP-level executive until early this year (I am certain its partly or mostly due to his inability to filter his crazy thoughts in the workplace now), is in financial trouble now, somehow. But, apparently my dad made the hour-long drive to go see his 86 year old mom yesterday to not only try to maintain their relationship, bit also because she slips him a couple thousand bucks from time to time to float him until he finds a job. Since he has been successful most of his life and now has no money, I'm positive his recent spiral has gotten him conned out of his money somehow. Probably Iraqi dinaris, medical bills (he hasnt had insurance for a couple of years for some reason..), and political contributions.. Anyway.. She lives in a high rise in town full of retirees. Basically a rich old person condo, so they are strict about masks and safety in the common areas of course. She said he got up to her floor and came into the condo fuming about having to wear a mask. She spent 10 minutes trying to have a civil conversation, until he somehow (as always) steered it into politics/Q/masks, she countered with a "well that doesnt make much sense" and he told her she's brainwashed, he stormed out (without a check, thankfully), slammed the door, and now she's afraid he wont talk to her for a couple of weeks, as he does. She knows she doesnt have much time left on this earth, and she thinks that it's her fault that her sons dont get along with her these past 2 years (since they got Qulted). They are going to waste the last years of her life and end it on a sour note, and nobody knows how to pull them out of this. I'm worried about how they and other people like them are going to take it next month if Trump loses, but I know it's the only way we pull out of this nosedive. Her husband of 55 years died in 2017 and she is very lonely. Family is really all she has left and Q is destroying the last years of it. I guess I'll be picking up the slack with Grandma. **TL;DR** Q has ruined my once-successful father, and it's killing my grandma's family experiences during the last years of her life. --- ###[Qultist dad passed up holding his newborn granddaughter.](https://redd.it/k7gn6s) - 05 Dec 2020 in /r/QAnonCasualties --- I've posted about my Qultist father here before. He took a turn in 2018 hard once he got sucked into a YouTube hole and fell into the QAnon shit. He was once a small r republican, and successful VP level tech guy. Now he's a sad, unemployed, fearful shell of a man. I still use him and my mother (who is not a Qultist but decides to take the path of least resisance) for babysitting when I need multi-day assistance with my 2 year old son. Well, he of course is a Covid denier and everything that comes with that, but we have been tiptoeing around getting into an argument with him for the past month since I needed them to watch my son while my wife and I go to the hospital to have our daughter. I don't really have a better option yet. All went well, and they came over to drop my son off today and see the baby. I told them the rule is that they have to wear a mask to hold my daughter, no exceptions. He made a face, started to say something, and I very firmly reminded him its my house, my kid, my rules, and zero exceptions. He decided to sit on the couch and frown while the rest of us took turns holding the baby, and enjoying a truly magical part of life. He chose to pass up holding his newborn granddaughter because the internet told him that the masks are a hoax. I was afraid of that, and it happened. My only hope is one day he will come out of it at some point, and I can remind him of today and how bad he hurt me, again. I hate this cult so much for what it has done to my family and all of yours. Edit: to everyone giving me grief for letting him in my house in the first place- thats the line in the sand I chose to draw. I weighed the risks, the rewards, the potential blowback, and the future fallout. Judge not. You don't know the entire picture. --- ###[My father decided his 7 year old granddaughters birthday party was the appropriate time to do some redpilling.](https://redd.it/m9igaz) - 21 Mar 2021 in /r/QAnonCasualties --- Another family event ruined by my Qultist father. It's pretty much a guarantee now, but it still makes me sad. He came 30 minutes late to the small gathering we had for my nieces 7th birthday party. No big deal. I am cordial with him but we never have a conversation deeper than an inch. So I said hi and stayed in the kitchen and he made his way to the couch. Literally 3 minutes later he is ranting about Japan not letting spectators to go to the Olympics (because of the "hoax")- apparently that's the right-wing rage thing this week. As if he ever cared about the Olympics, or as if anyone watches it for the spectators? Things move on and I go outside for awhile to watch the kids play and do birthday stuff. I come in to grab something and he is saying that the Air Force isn't designating Bidens plane as Air Force One still, and that he's walking very suspiciously. Most people had cleared away from him by this point but having been around Qultists for years now I could see this was his latest Redpill attempt, and I'm disgusted by it. What a waste of an existence. Instead of enjoying the birthday party for his granddaughter or spending time catching up with family members he doesn't see often (because we try not to invite him), he comes in hot about something irrelevant to his life, and then spends the afternoon trying to spread a mental virus. I expect it, and I am still disappointed. --- ###[I've been a member of this shitty club for years, but now I'm headed to the ICU to visit another literal casualty in process.](https://redd.it/uaxaqf) - 24 Apr 2022 in /r/QAnonCasualties --- I've been hanging out here for a few years, as some of my family members were early adopters of the Qult. It's been a wild ride. Some of you all may remember when I told you about my dad refusing to hold his newborn granddaughter because I told him to wear a mask. In 2020. I'm now headed to the hospital because they are going to transfer my stepmother to hospice. She had a massive heart attack a couple of weeks ago and most of her heart tissue is dead. She isn't a candidate for a transplant because they don't have insurance, and I'd guess because they also aren't vaccinated. They (her and my father) of course believed all of the standard issue Qult Covid stuff, and they came down with "something wicked" a couple of months ago that had both of them struggling to breathe for about a month. Then massive heart attack. Never occured to them that covid isnt great for your heart. This is not only going to kill my dad's wife of 35 years, but it'll also destroy them financially. He hasn't worked since Ron Watkins took over the Qult, so he has no savings (he likely got scammed or grifted out of a lot of it- he was previously very successful), and no insurance. He told the billing woman at the hospital that he had a couple hundred grand in equity in his house he could use, and she said that wouldn't even come close. My guess based on the procedures they've done so far it's close to $700k in bills. I guess Trumps repeal and replacement of Obamacare didn't cut the mustard, dang. Turns out this whole democrat hoax is a bit of a doozy. This will end up killing my dad too. He's a longtime smoker in terrible health, and these days he doesn't trust doctors, so we won't see the Grim Reaper coming until he does. Couple that with the train load of stress that is hitting him this month, and that will keep slamming into him as he has to bury his wife, lose his house, become further isolated, etc and I would be surprised if he lasts more than a year. They have been really great to my kids though, but I'm about to try to tell my 3 year old son that Grammie is dead. Maybe the sooner Grampi dies the better, so I don't have to break my daughters heart if she is older. My dad took a break from sitting in the ICU with her last weekend so he could get some rest. He wanted to see his grandkids so we came over and I made him lunch. That was the most I've seen him eat in years. He's skinny. Frail. Old. Dying. Looks like his odometer spun 15 years in the last 5. Hate will do that to a person. I saw a book on his counter titled "The Laptop From Hell." That's what he's consuming. The twilight of his life and instead of tending a garden, playing with his grandkids, golfing, or doing literally anything healthy or productive, he's watching his wife die and engorging himself on rage. What a way to go. I hate everyone involved in QAnon. It's killing my family. I hope I get to meet Watkins one day. --- *Reminder that this is a repost sub. I am not the original poster.*

Myrandall

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/120pnf5/oops_qultist_father_is_destroying_his_family/

120pnf5

Nanny OP triggers her employer's trauma

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/didimessup234 **in** r/Nanny Fun Fact for Mobile Spoilers: The role of nanny - or wet-nurse, nursemaid, or nurse - can trace its roots as far back as 800 BC. There are multiple possible root words for the terminology used today: the Russian word for nursemaid, nyanya; the Welsh word for grandmother, nain; or the Greek word for aunt, nanna. Estimated Reading Time: \~5 minutes trigger warnings: >!mentions of child abuse, trauma!< mood spoilers: >!proud of OP, sad all around!<   [**Was I wrong to do this?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/11l8rc2/was_i_wrong_to_do_this/) \- 7 March 2023 Some context: Been with this family 6 months. I usually work 2-8 PM. Kiddo is 5 years old and in school. She doesn’t nap when I’m there and I leave when she goes to bed. Sunday night, I was doing a date night for the parents. Put Kiddo to bed at usual bedtime and retired downstairs to watch TV. About an hour later, I hear crying and Kiddo calling for me. I head upstairs and she’s very upset. I’m pretty sure she had a bad dream, but couldn’t vocalize it well. She asked me to stay with her and I agreed. This is potentially where I messed up. I laid beside her and stroked her hair, rubbed her back, etc. in attempt to help her settle. The parents returned 15 minutes later. The dad was very upset when he came in the room and asked why I was in the bed. By this time, I had gotten up and the mom was laying in the bed. I explained she had a nightmare and had asked me to lay with her. He didn’t say anything else and I didn’t think much of it after that, figuring he understood. I was paid and left. Monday morning, Mom Boss texted me that Kiddo was sick so I didn’t have to come in. Figured that might explain her waking up. This morning, Dad Boss called me and said that they were very “disturbed” to find me laying in bed. He said it was very inappropriate. I could barely get a word in when I was informed I would have the rest of the week off with pay while they “debated my future with their family.” This is my first nanny job. I honestly thought this was okay. Was I wrong? Edit to clarify: I am not being accused of anything. Dad Boss has stressed he does not believe I hurt Nanny Kid, rather it was still inappropriate and crossed a boundary. [Comment thread on what has upset Dad Boss:](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/11l8rc2/comment/jbc2tcf/) **Redditor:** It’s okay for parents to have a boundary of no laying in bed with Nanny Kid. It’s not okay for them to never voice this boundary and then suspend/potentially fire you over it. There are so many nuanced situations in this line of work that some people would view as inappropriate and others wouldn’t think twice about. What your Nanny Family should have done is say something like “in the future we are not comfortable with you laying in bed with Nanny Kid” and that’s that. If they don’t believe you harmed Nanny Kid, and you had no idea this was inappropriate to them, what is there to debate? Your best move is probably to start searching for a new family. So sorry this happened to you! **OP:** From what I understand, Dad Boss feels I made a bad judgement call and is now calling my decision making skills into account. In his mind, this is just common sense and even if it were innocent, I should have known better. As I type it out, it really makes no sense.   [**Update to “was I wrong to do this”**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/11m3o5b/update_to_was_i_wrong_to_do_this/) \- 8 March 2023 So, I had my Skype with Nanny Parents about an hour ago and I feel like I had whiplash. Started great and ended terribly. As soon as I answered, Mom Boss said “Tell us your side.” I did, explaining I felt this was the best way to comfort Nanny Kid. I added that I understand it’s a boundary and I won’t do it again, but all boundaries need to be made clear to me. I said I spoke with a group of fellow nannies who both agreed it’s not common sense but also that the boundary wasn’t unreasonable. It's just that they need to communicate this to me as well as how to handle this should it happen again. They seemed receptive. Dad Boss explained why he acted the way he did and I won’t get into it here but it is trauma based. He reiterated he doesn’t think I did anything to 5F, they love me, they appreciate me, etc. We came up with a plan on what to do should it happen again (I’ll sit in a chair by Nanny Kid’s bed). At this point, I was thinking maybe we could turn it around. I know many of you said just quit, but I wanted to try to avoid that. Well, then the call got awkward. I thought the conversation was done once they laid out their boundaries. But Dad Boss kept talking and kept questioning if it really wasn’t common sense. He implied that he felt I was gaslighting him, not with those words but more of “I don’t think I’m wrong to feel this way and I don’t appreciate you trying to change the narrative.” I stressed several times that I don’t think his boundary is wrong, but how he went about it was. This lead to a discussion of cameras. I’m their first nanny so they asked my opinion upon hiring. I said I’d work with them if they really felt needed but I just find them awkward and like I can’t truly be myself. At the time, they agreed against it. But now, Dad Boss wants to put cameras up in every room until I “rebuild trust.” It was a complete 180 from his previous “We love you!” speech. I said that hurt. He said how am I supposed to trust you when you haven’t apologized. For fricking what?! Finally, I said I can’t work somewhere where I’m not trusted and I can’t risk them falsely accusing me of something. Mom Boss got very upset and tried to apologize on behalf of her husband. I said no. Another 5 awkward minutes of settling out particulars (mailing back their keys and such, them paying me severance as they declined me serving a 2 weeks notice). It sucks because I love Nanny Kid and I won’t get to say goodbye. But y’all were right. His fears are based in trauma and I get it... but if they’re this bad, he needs therapy. Anyway, thanks for all the advice. I tried to get back to everyone but there was a lot, haha. [Comment thread offering insight on the dynamic between Dad and Mom Boss:](https://www.reddit.com/r/Nanny/comments/11m3o5b/comment/jbhnzvl/) **Redditor:** I know people who won't leave their kids with nannies or individual babysitters because they themselves were abused by babysitters (non-family or family) and have trauma as a result. I understand that. But having this trauma, hiring a nanny and then dumping it on the nanny's head is Not OK. Sounds as though the family needs some therapy... and maybe to reconsider using nannies at all. Glad you got out of there, and good luck finding a family that's a better fit. **OP:** This is also what I don’t really understand. Mom Boss did always imply that she was the one who wanted to get a nanny but I never thought Dad Boss was resentful in anyway? All of this sort of came out of left field.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

snarfblattinconcert

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/120xe89/nanny_op_triggers_her_employers_trauma/

120xe89

I’m leaving my husband and getting an abortion

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Originally posted by u/inevitable_soft_101 in r/TrueOffMyChest on Feb 26, '23, updated Mar 18th Trigger Warning:>!verbal abuse, physical abuse!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11d246x/im_leaving_my_husband_and_getting_an_abortion/) We’ve been married a total of 3 months (knew each other briefly before, religious reasons this is common). I’m absolutely sure i’m doing the right thing. This man is incredibly abuse: curses, yells, name-calls when he’s mad over very tiny things i.e: asking him to get toilet bowl cleaner on his way home, or to turn up the tv when the remote is closest to him. Last night he poked me in the forehead several times, when I slightly raised my voice for him to stop he erupted in anger calling me sensitive and then slapping the back of my head while calling me a bitch on his way out. No he does not drink or do drugs… he’s just 11 years older than me (23F) stupid, I know. I’m just over a month pregnant & since we’ve found out he’s been super excited telling all his friends and family. In front of them he’s this perfect charming person, to the point of I told them what I’m dealing with they literally wouldn’t believe me. He complains about everything.. how much I sleep despite my pregnancy (it’s made me incredibly tired), when he asks me what I want to eat and I mention something he doesn’t think is good food (sushi, japanese etc) he gets upset and says that i’m “extra”.. He’s dated women from other countries (saudi arabia, morocco) and says that they never complained about his behavior “masculinity”.. & says stuff like “A woman knows when she has a REAL man. I’m not dealing with none of this feminism stuff. A woman will find a way to deal with the man she’s with and not complain about stuff that doesn’t really matter” FEMINISM bc I want you to speak to me with decency?? I don’t even use that word?? Sigh. I’m just over it. Edit 1: i’ll post in update in hopefully under a months time. i also wanted to add that this was not an arranged marriage that i coerced or forced into. i chose to enter this marriage. these behaviors were not present before or even after we married but rather a week after the pregnancy was confirmed. [Update 3 weeks later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11v3r61/im_leaving_my_husband_getting_an_abortion_update/) I’m out, I’m free & have the termination scheduled for the end of the month. A kind redditor gave information regarding resources in my area & I was able to get to a DV shelter that thankfully provides an uber, or I otherwise wouldn’t have been able to make it. I’m taking advantage of every resource available to me here. I spoke to the resource coordinator Friday morning & they’re taking me through the steps to find permanent housing (although not guaranteed, they have matched me with different agencies in the area- wish me luck). Additionally, I’m meeting with another person next week to help with employment opportunities, however on my own time, I’m applying on Indeed any chance I get. As for the abortion. I found an income based place & given my current situation, they gave me the lowest price they could & then a phone number to a non-profit that provides funding support. Long story short I’ll be able to terminate without further financial hardship. I just want to say I am so thankful for the support from each & everybody on here & am so incredibly thankful that I got out before it was too late. Additional details: Although not particularly necessary to include I will anyway because you guys were right about things eventually escalating. Before leaving I was sitting on the floor packing the last few items I needed to, he clearly saw what was going on & started getting verbal again.. which led to him pushing my head towards the metal part of the bottom of the bed (I’m not sure what it’s called) I shifted & my body thankfully hit it instead.. the bruise I had is finally—after a week—going away. You guys were right, unfortunately. Sigh. But it’s over. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/121bs9u/im_leaving_my_husband_and_getting_an_abortion/

121bs9u

I (30M) am considering ending my relationship with my partner (26F) due to her $250,000 in debt..

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAstuckk **I (30M) am considering ending my relationship with my partner (26F) due to her $250,000 in debt..** Originally posted to r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11stjb1/i_30m_am_considering_ending_my_relationship_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 16, 2023 I am a 30 year old male. I have a well paying job (roughly 100k per year). No debt. My girlfriend has 250k in private student loans (from undergrad private school) with a variable interest rate. Recently the interest hit over 11% and doing the math on the loans has me devastated. With how fast it is growing… she will need to put 25k a year into it just to keep it in the same place. That basically guarantees that I will never have financial help during our relationship. Additionally, with how much she will need to work just to pay on the loans.. I won’t have much help around the house or with our kids (if/when we have some) either. I keep blaming myself that I can’t just deal with it.. it’s just money right? But at the same time when I look at the reality of the situation I can’t help but feel I need to walk away from this situation. Additionally, she is going back to school in the fall for a higher paying job (probably 60-85k income at the end realistically with the possibility of 125k a year if she works herself to death) but this program will add another ~30k in federal loans. I think this is a bad decision…but it’s also the only option she seems to have to up her income. I feel like I don’t want to wait until I’m 45 when this debt (might) be paid off to have children.. I don’t want to put my life on hold in this way, but I also love her a lot. We’ve talked a lot about this and about her plan to pay it down etc. It now feels like my options are either accept that this is reality and it will be many years before she’s free if this debt.. or end the relationship. Any advice? Editing to at context/(edit again for formatting): - Private loans aren't eligible for PSLF as far as I know. That's a federal program. - Student loans aren't eligible for bankruptcy. - She currently lives with family. She has a job, but it doesn't earn much over 30k a year. - She will start the program in the fall which will mean school for 1.5 years and then earning potential of 65k-125k. More if she works like mad. - The loan was originally around 180k (undergrad at a private fancy school) but has grown due to the interest. - Her mom co-signed on a few of the loans from what I understand, but has the mindset that 'her investments' make more than paying into her daughters loans. - We have been together for 2 years. -Yes I have talked to her at length about this situation. Lastly, Thank you for those of you that said I am not a bad person for thinking about this and that my feelings are valid. It means a lot to me. I am going to sit with this for a while and make a decision within the next week or so. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** ElectricApogee 714 31m >"it’s just money right?" >No, it is the rest of your life and your own goals. It is fair to worry about it. This is the rest of your life you're talking about here. >"It now feels like my options are either accept that this is reality and it will be many years before she’s free if this debt.. or end the relationship." >Yup, those are your options. OOP replied >I appreciate you reframing that for me. I keep saying to myself "it shouldn't be about money" but I guess ultimately it isn't.... its about the goals I have for my life. UniqueUsername82D  >You have to pay the price of a house just to marry this woman? >Damn. Key piece that's missing is how long you have been together and why you are thinking about this now. OOP replied >We just hit 2 years. I started considering marriage and our future and I asked for more in depth detail about her loans and her plan to pay them off. >I knew it was a large amount, but I did not know it was all private, variable and as large as it is. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11uynrq/update_i_30m_am_considering_ending_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 18, 2023 Wanted to give an update. After reading all your comments and picking up a book about decision making in regards to money and love (will share of interested). I have come to the decision that I do, sadly, need to end the relationship. She is a wonderful girl and honestly my best friend, but the reality of her choices financially will alter the course of my life in such a profound way that all I can see is resentment in the end. I have to stop guilting myself into sacrificing myself for others to the point of my own mental turmoil. I grew up in a foster-to-adopt family as the oldest and I think I learned then to forget myself and care for others to earn love.. part of this decision is learning how to remember myself again. Thank you all for the advice. It really helped me see that either choice is okay to make and I’m not a failure for saying it’s too much for me.💙 **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >I understand all of your perspectives. Ultimately a debt that is growing at 25-30k annually just on interest alone is too much for me to handle. I’ll be working to pay for everything else and she will be working just to keep up with paying off the loan for likely 10-15 years. I can’t wait that long to begin my life. I do love her. I can love her and still make the choice to walk away for the sake of my future.. I’ve battled with this a lot. But ultimately it’s something I need to do. ×××××××××× >Yeah it breaks my heart every day. I wish I could be the one to save her, but to save her I would be killing myself. It makes me extremely sad about it all. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/121m3vd/i_30m_am_considering_ending_my_relationship_with/

121m3vd

My mother hates me for telling my sister the truth

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Originally posted by u/feisty-art9149 in r/TrueOffMyChest on March 19th, updated as an edit undated. Trigger Warning: >!Child neglect, mentions of mental health struggles and self harm!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11w406h/my_mother_hates_me_for_telling_my_sister_the_truth/) My mother hates me for telling my sister the truth. I want to preface this with an apology if it’s all over the place. There’s so much information to sort through and decide what does or doesn’t have a place here. I will reply to what I can and make edits for any common questions/ remarks. So a little (or a lot) of background is required for this to make any sense. Many years ago my mother had an affair that completely blew up our family. I suppose the affair was the lesser issue, but rather all her other actions that screwed many of us over. For context I was 10, my younger sister was 7/8 and my older sister almost 14- all female. To start with, in the years prior, my mother had taken out tens of thousands of dollars in loans and credit cards in my dads name, of which he was never aware of. Ignorant, absolutely, but she had always managed all finances while a SAHM. She also managed to make 5 years of GST payments disappear from the business account, for which dad was then charged with two charges (around 100K in fines) of tax evasion on top of the missed payments. All three of us kids had a bank account set up from young, which our dad had added to so that we would be in a positive position when we were older- for University, or a house deposit, whatever it was that we desired. Being saving orientated even as a kid, I had chosen to put 100% of any money earnt through chores or gifted for birthdays into the account. At 14 when I began working and gained access to net banking I realised mum had drained my account, less $50… only my account. If that wasn’t enough, her own mother had stored a sum of money in my parents safe that was intended for her funeral. My mother took every last dollar and refused to pay it back- my dad paid it back with interest when he found out. Due to the tricky financial situation, dad had to travel for work, wherever the trade was needed in that moment. Typically he would leave in the early hours of Monday morning and return on Saturday afternoon. In this time my mother felt it appropriate to leave us at home so that she could visit the affair partner, usually not coming home for days at a time. Nobody knew- we had no carers or access to resource as we lived a 20 minute drive to the nearest town/stores. This went on for a few weeks before my mum (sometimes) contacted our cousin to come stay with us while she was out… To this day I believe that only happened because the other guy figure out what was going on. Due to timing of people coming and going our dad didn’t know any of this happened to until months later. I kept quiet because I knew he couldn’t afford to stay home. All this said- I stepped into the parent role. My little sister was kept in the dark as much as possible, I did my best to maintain her same routine so that she felt as little impact as possible. Obviously she suffered, to the point of requesting to sleep in my bed every night for a year, but it seems that she doesn’t remember any of the shitty things that happened back then. My older sister was very mentally ill, where I had to medicate her each morning and conduct daily body and room checks. Those who know will get what I’m suggesting… To the best of my knowledge our little sister never saw any of this- I didn’t and don’t believe those are subject such little eyes should have to witness. The older sister was also really ashamed and has asked to keep this situation away from the youngest as she had a habit of speaking without realising or knowing the potential damage. As much as I hated the responsibility, cooking, cleaning, hiding the families dirty laundry; I was also very aware that what was happening wasn’t okay. That if I couldn’t keep it together and matters hidden, that authorities would become involved. Those times were scary but the idea of not having access to and control over what happened to me or my siblings felt like it would be worse. These are only the first things that come to mind but the details aren’t exactly the point of this post. Anyway, I guess my younger sister’s soon to be in laws have asked some questions, of which my sister doesn’t have the ability to answer. I would suggest she asked our mother first but the queries would have been shut down. I know she feels guilty, knows that she screwed up, and frankly I hope she never forgives herself for it. So, little sister came to me and for the first time in 15 years I was willing to give her the answers she was looking for. I’ve always been vague, not wanting to cause her pain, but I’ve started feeling guilty in recent years for not treating her as enough of an adult to make her own decisions. After a loooot of therapy, I have realised that I don’t have to be their parent anymore. My sister cried, I cried, and she apologised for assumption made and words said because she didn’t know any better in the past. She needs and wants time to process a whole lot of information that’s entirely new to her, that has quite literally flipped the way she has perceived many people over the years. Anywho… she isn’t speaking to our mother right now and that’s where it becomes my problem, I guess. She called me, blowing up, claiming I’ve ruined her relationship with her daughter. That I’m out to get her, resentful without cause and need to stop living in the past. But I don’t see how me being honest about her actions is my fault? Could I have filtered details? Maybe. But I don’t understand why I should have to hold onto the pressure of keeping her shortcomings secret. Maybe it’s time to grow up and pay for the consequences of your actions…. Edit: to add genders. *In the comments:* She’s never taken any responsibility, only made excuses. My favourite was the one for her leaving us to care for ourselves- “you all made it clear you didn’t want to spend time with me”. . I feel like she thought she’d gotten away with it at this point and that’s why she’s mad. To be honest I only told my sister for selfish reasons… we’ve only in recent years developed a close relationship and I didn’t want to lose that if she became mad at me for not telling her anything. I know there was always a layer of resentment towards me for “thinking I was the boss of her”. She needed somebody to be mad at and at the time I was okay with that person being me. . >Children (and young adults) get mad at the people it is safe to be mad at. It sounds like you took that anger to give her a safe space and a safe person. Now that she's of an age where she is old enough to hear the truth, where it's safe for her to be angry at your mom without risking breaking your family apart, you've given her the truth. That's quite heroic. I hope you find the peace and space to have a life of your own free from your mother's negligent abuse. You've certainly more than earned it. OP: I never considered the aspect of somebody needing to be safe to be mad at them. That puts a lot into perspective… thank you. Tbh my mother has no influence over my life or feelings. I stopped regarding her as a parental figure long ago so her opinion of me, someone she really had no part in moulding, means nothing. Don’t get me wrong, I do not place the blame for all wrong doings exclusively on her, but she was certainly the catalyst for most of the difficult seasons. Every action or inaction I’ve ever made has been a decision to protect the other people she hurt which only served to protect her from backlash and I think it’s time she faced up. . In some ways I think caring for them was all that kept me sane. I was so busy and exhausted by the day to day motions that I didn’t have time to reflect on my own feelings or the situation as a whole. Full survival mode I suppose. I appreciate that, a lot. I tried my best… in hindsight doing for them what I probably needed myself. . She was cut out for a very long time. The stolen money (from myself) was the absolute last straw which resulted in me going no contact for about 5 years. Part of me thinks she was glad for that, too, because I’d threatened to press charges against the mystery thief if she didn’t fess up. But because of my sisters age, and her eventually choosing to live with mum, I felt compelled to be civil because I missed my sister. I live 4 hours from my hometown now, so maintaining a healthy distance is really quite easy. . >Curious about your dad, how is he doing rn? After knowing the truth, did your younger sister go living with your dad? And did he divorce your mother? And all that money she stole, what was she doing with that money? Did you get any of your money back? OP: He’s doing really good, but of course had had a long time to pick up the pieces. In his 50s and still working 6 days a week- not because he needs to but because he’s never known anything else. His parents were immigrants so it was quite literally bred into him. She’s 22 now and living with her partner. She and dad never had a strained relationship but after years of living exclusively with him, decided to spend the next few years with mum. Never any bad blood on either end where she’s concerned. They did divorce long ago, and as much as I find it strange, they still have a relatively positive relationship. The money…. Literally who knows. Never saw a cent returned though! Dad didn’t know she stole from me until 6 ish years ago. Early on he was struggling and I knew he’d try to put the money back if I told him. He knew something had happened for me not to talk to my mother all those years but I hadn’t told him and she sure wasn’t going to. Recently my husband and I built our first home and he was insistent on cutting “trade swaps” to save money which I strongly feel was his way of repaying her debt to me. He’s a great dad… has his flaws as every human does, but every step he’s taken has been with the intention of his kids not having to want for things as he and his siblings did. . I only tolerated her in the past to keep my sister close- I don’t trust our mother to not hurt her in the process of getting what she wants. The partners family aren’t stupid and while they will hand out finance they will never relinquish control of it. If they suspect somebody of having ill intent, they’re cut out of all their lives. Mums husband does pretty well for himself and pays all their living expenses, but knowing her past will not give her unbridled access so she has to work to support her spending habit which is probably where the jealousy comes in. . I used to tell my sister that I “don’t really know”, “can’t remember”, or “have only heard snippets of the story”, so not necessarily a lie but definitely deceit by omission. *1st Update:* Aaaand now she’s resorted to posting on Facebook, claiming that one of her “ingrates are spreading rumours to ruin her” JFC 🤦🏼‍♀️ I don’t even have Facebook, so not really sure what she’s trying to achieve in doing this, but an old family friend called my dad to ask what’s going on. Also, I’m speaking to nobody about the situation? I don’t even live in our hometown!!! If nothing else- she has nothing for me to ruin. No way I’m engaging or sinking to her level but seriously… what a waste of a person. Now the parents are fighting, she’s fighting with her current husband and shit is all around just getting messy. She thinks she’s making people feel sorry for her but mostly she just looks pathetic, if you ask me. *Update 2:* Turns out I REALLY don’t need to sink to her level, that’s been taken care of while I sleep. I guess mums privacy settings aren’t great and that’s working against her. The vague ‘woe is me’ post has been shared by three family members/ friends with a single, but far less cryptic, one liner. I’m told: “oh you mean the ingrate that raised your kids?”, “Should she be more grateful for your affair or the complete and utter abandonment of your three kids” and my absolute favourite (from my granny) “rot in hell you lying thieving bitch” **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/122gkye/my_mother_hates_me_for_telling_my_sister_the_truth/

122gkye

I think my sister’s boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13).

ONGOING

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/throwalllthewayawayy **in** r/TrueOffMyChest TW: >!Mentions of past abuse, grooming, very creepy behavior towards a child, and pedophilia (per the third update)!< Mood Spoiler: >!Extremely concerning and disturbing, but hopeful for OOP and her son!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.unddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11rbvjw/i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is_infatuated/) (Recovered with Unddit) - Mar. 14, 2023 **I think my sister’s boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13).** Throwaway since my sister's boyfriend is an avid Reddit user. This might be a long one, so bear with me. I (F38) am a single mother living on a waitress salary. Times are tough right now, and due to unforeseen circumstances, I’ve had to move in with my sister for the past couple months. It’s not an ideal situation, but I’m doing my best. I have an ex husband (M40) who is emotionally abusive, hence the divorce. We share custody of my incredible son (let’s call him Roman, 13) who has been so understanding of our financial situation, even at his age. I love him more than I love myself. He is kind and intelligent. He stole my ex-husband’s face (unfortunately), so he’s beautiful. Every mama will say their son is beautiful, but my kid really is stunningly gorgeous. The amount of adults my age and older who have given him the creepy and unwarranted “He’s going to be a heartbreaker in a few years” comments would alarm you. He has ADHD, but maintains decent grades. He plays a sport and is good at it. He’s got lots of friends who he visits often, and vice versa. Despite the changes in our living situation, he is thriving, and I’d do anything to keep that up. My sister (let’s call her Sarah, 42) and her boyfriend (let’s call him David, 44) are well off and live in a massive house. My sister was happy to take me in, but her boyfriend David…not so much — which I completely understand. I offered to pay rent, but my sister won’t have any of it, so I do chores around the house and cook as often as my work schedule will let me. I never saw much of David anyway — he was often at the bar with his friends, or working, or locked in his room playing video games. When we did see each other, he acted like I didn't exist. My son Roman was staying with his dad for a while as I was figuring things out, and I was worried about David’s attitude once my son moved in with us. I talked to David and promised him that Roman would be respectful and well-behaved, but he was weird about it and shrugged me off. Then David met Roman. David is absolutely fascinated with my kid. His disposition changed so quickly that it gave me whiplash. Suddenly, he stopped locking himself in his room and has decided to spend time with us…well, mostly my son. He helps Roman with his homework. He watches all of Roman’s favorite shows so that they can talk about them together. He buys him food and gifts. My sister Sarah is over-the-moon; she’s been telling me about how us moving in has been the best thing for their relationship, because David is happier now. I thought it was sweet at first. But in the back of my head, I think something more nefarious could be going on. To paint a clearer picture, I’ve noted some other changes I’ve noticed that I can’t decide whether they’re innocent or not. 1. David texts my son often, which wouldn’t be weird, except he does it while he’s at school. The texts themselves aren’t weird at all, but David lightly scolds him for not replying sometimes. 2. Before my son moved in, David was rarely ever home during the afternoon/evenings. He’d stay out after work and go drinking with his buddies until late in the night, a habit he’s had for years, according to my sister. Now, he’s home ALL THE TIME. He gets home before Roman gets off the bus (around 3:15pm if he's not at practice) and stays home all day, even offering to “babysit” while I’m working through the evening. He still drinks, just in the house. 3. Last Wednesday, I woke up to use the bathroom during the middle of the night. To get to the bathroom, you have to pass by my son’s room. I was surprised to see that the door was closed all the way, since Roman always likes it open because his room gets hot at night. Also, he has been staying up late texting his friends lately, which has caused him to sleep through his alarm and miss the bus some days. So that night, I opened the door to let the air in and make sure he was asleep, and there was David. Standing by Roman’s bed. In the dark. He stated that he was looking for his cellphone, but I saw him jump with anxiety when I opened the door. He left quickly, muttering something about how it might be in the kitchen. Why would his phone be in my son’s room? And why was the door closed? 4. David offers to drive my son everywhere he needs to go. Only him. School (if he misses the bus), practice, his friends’ houses. This is the same man who wouldn’t lift a finger for me until my son moved in. It’s been incredibly helpful since I’m not home often, but a part of me wonders if he’s doing it for the wrong reasons. 5. I caught David doing Roman’s laundry, resulting in a few articles of clothing going missing. This one irritated me because I make my son do his own laundry. I asked him not do this, but his excuse is that he is trying to save water. I don’t know how to fight him on this, since it’s his house. I am terrified to bring this up to my sister. Am I reading into things too much? Am I silly for worrying that he might have ulterior motives? If I tell my sister and she gets angry and there’s nothing going on, she’ll kick us out and we’ll be homeless… \~\~\~ [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11sciy4/update_i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is/) \- Mar. 15, 2023 **Update: I think my sister’s boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13).** Hi all. First, i want to thank you all for your responses and suggestions. I am so overwhelmed by the replies and was unable to read them all, but I'm glad (and terrified) to see that I'm not going crazy, that there is something wrong. I also want to thank those who shared their experiences with being groomed/sexually assaulted, as it opened my eyes to a lot of things. Second, I'd like to clarify a few things. I did not let my child in David's car after the bedroom incident. I would never do that. After this occurrence, tied with the laundry situation, I began to take note of David's behavior, which was when I started putting the pieces together. I came to Reddit shortly after…and here we are, unfortunately. Third, I'd like to address a couple questions I've seen. 1. David is not on any sex offender registry. 2. By "saving water", David meant that he combines loads of laundry, meaning that he'll do his laundry AND Roman's laundry in the same load. The laundry that I've seen go missing are mostly socks, which is typical, even when Roman was doing his own laundry. But then, Roman told me that he was missing a couple shirts and a pair of underwear. That alarmed me, since this only happened once David started doing his laundry. Massive red flag. 3. The texts between really are innocent — David asking him what he wants for dinner, what time he should pick him up, discussing shows they've been watching. But based on his other behavior, it's clearly a grooming tactic and I’ll be sure that it stops immediately. No way in hell should he be texting my kid at school. 4. The bedroom situation, in clearer detail. I peeked in to make sure that Roman was asleep, and David was at the foot of his bed. The room was of course pitch black, and I was groggy as hell, so I didn't even register that it was him until he pushed past me to leave. I checked on my son afterwards. He was still asleep, and the blankets were fully over him. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, but maybe I'd just intervened at the right moment. I made sure his door was open, and I left my door open as well so I could listen for any footsteps. I could not sleep after that happened. It wasn’t sitting right with me. None of these are excuses. Like I said, eyes are wide open now. Fourth, I'll discuss everything with my son tonight once I get off work. A lot of you said it was a good idea, and I was already planning on doing it. He has not been acting strange in any way and is his usual happy self, but that doesn't mean that David hasn't done anything yet. That reality is terrifying to me and I pray that's not the case. I pretty much have a clear idea on what to say to him, but I am not sure if I should explicitly tell him that I found David in his room, or that he might be stealing his clothing. Any suggestions on how to go about this conversation are welcome. Fifth, I fully plan to confront David and talk to my sister Sarah about this. I am not a doormat, and I will do anything to keep my son safe. David is on a church retreat and thankfully has not been home for a few days. I've decided to speak with my sister first, in case David twists my words or manipulates her into believing that nothing is wrong. And once he returns, I'll confront him based on how my sister reacts. Any other suggestions on how to go about it are welcome as well. Sixth, I've read your suggestions about setting up cameras, *checking* for cameras, drug testing my son, and finding his missing articles of clothing. I plan on buying cameras and drug testing him once we have a conversation. I did look for cameras and found nothing, but I’ll look again. I am terrified of what I might see if I end up finding Roman’s missing clothing, but I know it’s just a reality that I have to face…that people can be so disgustingly vile to a child. Lastly, I know I need to get out of this house. I know that. I'm working on it. If I could pack everything up tonight and do it, I would. I’d send him to live with my ex husband, but he’s abusive toward my son and me (more so toward me, but still). I’ve considered your suggestions about looking into homeless shelters, and I’m leaning toward making arrangements for that after I confront David. I'm a good mom, but I know I'm not the best mom. This past week has been hell. I should've intervened earlier. I regret that. Thank you for listening. I'll update once I follow through with my plans. \~\~\~ [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11vy5e0/update_2_i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is/) \- Mar. 19, 2023 **Update 2: I think my sister's boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13).** Hi all, this is my second update. My first post got removed, but you can find it. Apparently, it made its way to TikTok and Instagram, which I’m not sure how to feel about, but it’s too late to take back now. In the past four days, I spoke with my sister Sarah, her boyfriend David, and my son Roman, all separately. One went well, two didn’t. I have a lot to get off my chest, so this might be long. There’s a TLDR at the bottom. My first conversation was with my son, which occurred the night I posted my first update. In fear of this post getting removed like my first one, I’ll have to censor myself, but I think you’ll understand what I’m referring to when I say that I asked my son the serious and explicit questions. Roman adamantly denied that David ever did anything to him. He seemed surprised that I asked. He said he would’ve told me if he had. I believe him. I know he could be lying, but I’m trying to take his word for it. My son and I have a very open and transparent relationship. The first time my ex husband ever verbally abused him, he came straight to me and told me about it. My guard is up, but I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Like you all advised me, I didn’t bring up the bedroom or laundry situation. But I was honest with him and told him that David’s behavior toward him was inappropriate. We had a talk about boundaries, saying no, consent, etc. I drilled into him that David is not to drive him anywhere, text him anymore, and be around him alone under **any** circumstances. I also explained what grooming is, and that it’s what David has been doing to him. He said he knew about it through a school assembly. Then, he said something that broke my heart. He apologized for letting David treat him that way, that he “shouldn’t have fell for it” (his exact words). I assured him that none of it was his fault. I want to make it clear that David is not preying on him because of how he looks or how he acts, he is doing it because he is a predator and they prey on the vulnerable. Honestly, I could tell that the conversation had left him a little shell-shocked. To know that the person you liked and trusted isn’t who you thought he was would leave any kid rattled. For the entire rest of the night, he followed me around like a lost puppy. It did break my heart a little, to see him like that, but I don’t want him to feel a false sense of security around David, so I have no regrets about it. Sarah was next. I knew it would turn into an argument before the conversation even began. It’s always been that way with her. My sister is nice, but not kind. She’ll take you in off the street, but then throw it back in your face if you cross her. So I knew what I was getting into, but I had to do it not only for my kid’s sake, but for hers. This is not a man I want her to be with, have children with, nor do I want him in our family. I told her that I was uncomfortable with the way David acts around Roman, and that I think it’s a lot deeper than what he portrays it to be. I mentioned that I didn’t like the gift giving and the constant texting, and I brought up the bedroom and laundry incidents. Like I predicted, she was more offended that I was accusing her boyfriend of grooming my son. She didn’t see how that was proof of anything. “Do you know how many socks and pairs of underwear I’ve lost while doing laundry? It’s probably stuck somewhere in the dryer.” The more I expressed my concerns, the more defensive she got. She thinks I’m…manic, essentially. She said that as soon as things get good for me (roof over my head, food in the fridge, a steady job) I intentionally screw it up because deep down I don’t think I deserve happiness. That she tries to help me every time, but I end up stabbing her in the back, like I am right now. So, she doesn’t believe me. That’s her prerogative, fine. I told her that I won’t be staying at her house much longer, and that I don’t want David around my kid anymore, that we’ll be keeping to ourselves for the rest of my short time here. She’s letting me stay, surprisingly, but she said she’s glad to see me go. She swore up and down that David would never hurt Roman, and that she was sad to see their relationship ruined over an accusation with no real basis. That I shouldn’t let my self destructive behavior and my “bipolar paranoia” get in the way of other people’s happiness. And that I better not accuse her boyfriend of being a predator anymore. Essentially, she kept shifting the blame onto me, so I ended it there. Oh, and she told me that she wants reimbursement for things like clothing and grocery shopping, because apparently we are draining her wallet with buying so much food (Yes, an eighth grader going through a growth spurt eats a lot. Shocker!). But I apologized and said I’d buy his and my groceries from now on. David came back from his church retreat Friday morning, which is when I confronted him. I was very upset, so I didn’t go easy on him. He was thrown off by my hostility, but once he understood what I was implying, his demeanor shifted. “Sit down, sit down, let’s talk about it,” he kept saying, except *he* was the one who was nervous and looked like he was on the brink of a panic attack. I kept my composure. I asked him why he was in my son’s room in the middle of the night with the door shut. He gave me the same excuse, that he was looking for his cellphone. I asked him why he couldn’t have gone for it in the morning. He said that he set the alarm to 5am for work, and that he didn’t want it to go off with my son in the room and wake him up. I asked him why he was standing over my son’s bed. He admitted that he was trying to wake him up and ask him if he’d seen his phone. *Did he not just say that he didn’t want the alarm to wake him up?* I asked him what on Earth would compel him to think it is okay to wake up my child in the middle of the night to help him look for a cellphone. He said he wasn’t thinking straight, and that he was sorry. I asked him about the missing laundry as well. He adamantly denied what I was implying. He said that his and my sister’s clothing get lost in the laundry all the time. That he would help me find my son’s missing clothing. All while apologizing profusely. I’ll admit, I was thrown off by how apologetic he was, and it made me a little soft. I thanked him for letting us stay in his house, and I apologized for not setting boundaries earlier, but I told him that from now on, I didn’t feel comfortable with him being around my son. No more driving him places, buying him gifts, texting him, helping him with homework, doing his laundry, etc. I essentially told him that he is no longer allowed to be alone with my son or touch his things under any circumstances. He broke down in tears. He was hysterical. The thought of me believing that he is preying on my son made him miserable. That he’d never do that. He said, “I love him like a father loves a son.” When reading my original post, a lot of you believed the same thing at first. So did I. But I just…don’t like the way David looks at him. Yes, I see the kindness in his eyes toward my son as he helps him with homework or watches a show with him, but there is a nuance of something covetous and sinister that I can’t shake off. Anyway, I told him that it’s unhealthy for him to be so fixated on a child, and that he cannot depend on my kid for happiness. I told him that we’d be leaving very soon (more on that later). I didn’t tell him where or when it was happening. He asked if there was anything he could do to rectify the situation. He suggested that the four of us sit down and talk about it. I declined. I reiterated that he is not allowed near my kid anymore and left it at that. A small part of me feels like I was too harsh on him overall. Maybe he was just looking for his phone. Maybe it’s a coincidence that articles of clothing are missing. But he was *on his knees,* ***sobbing***, like I had just pulled the rug out from underneath him. For a child he hasn’t known for that long. I don’t think he was devastated that I’d accused him of being a predator, he was devastated that I revoked his access to my child. I’m not stupid. I once witnessed this man argue with my sister — brutal, verbal assaults from both sides, which ended in my sister crying. He didn’t shed a tear. For my peace of mind (and yours), I have been watching Roman like a hawk. When I’m home, he’s with me. When I’m not home, he’s at a trusted friend’s house, or again, with me. I actually took him to work with me this morning, which he wasn’t thrilled about, but whatever. I made him block David’s number, of course. We haven’t been in the house since Friday, but as some of you suggested, I will sleep in his room at night instead of making him sleep in my room. I’ll be honest, I decided to hold off on drug testing him, because I really do not think David has been drugging him. My son is naturally a heavy sleeper and has always had issues waking up for school, even before we moved into my sister’s house. I checked his text messages, and from what I’ve seen, he’s never texted David at night. He’s usually up texting his friends in a group chat. Like you all suggested, I purchased a nanny cam, specifically the one where you can watch the footage on your smartphone. I wasn’t expecting it to be so pricy…I ordered them on Wednesday, and they are due to arrive tonight or Monday morning. I’ll put it in my son’s room and review it every day. I’m really nervous because there’s a possibility that I’ll see something odious and I don’t know if I can handle that. Lots of you have voiced your concerns for my kid. From what I’ve seen and from what he’s told me, he’s doing fine! We have been staying at a motel for the weekend, now that David has returned from his church retreat. I wasn’t taking any chances. $56 a night, and a little sketchy, but I don’t want to complain. Again, despite the situation, his mood has been a lot better than mine has. He thinks a motel is the same as a hotel, so to him, it’s like we’re on a mini vacation. It’s mind-blowing how kids can be so resilient, even in the most unnerving situations. The majority of you have told me to go to a women’s shelter. I looked into this, and while it’s an option, the closest one to where I live is more than an hour away. I don’t have a car. I can take the bus — my usual mode of transportation — but that disrupts his commute to school, and my commute to work. It’s still winter and freezing cold where I live, so I’d rather watch him like a hawk than live on the street and subject him to the cold weather. And I am *not* taking him back to my ex husband’s house. There’s a reason why he left, and why I divorced him. Which brings me to some good news. I applied for public housing a loooong while back and I am in the process of getting approved! They contacted me for documentation (which I submitted) and I got "verified” so I think that’s a good sign? I’m very fortunate, since I know waitlists can be long sometimes. I can’t believe I’m holding it together so well, but I’m proud of myself. I think I’m doing everything I can. Thank you for listening. I’ll update again shortly with hopefully better news. TLDR; currently at motel after confronting sister and her boyfriend. Reactions were brutal. Son is safe and nothing bad has happened to him. Camera has been purchased and will be set up and reviewed daily once I return, and a deep search of David’s room will be conducted once I get the opportunity. Currently getting approved for public housing, which will be my ticket out. Edit: This goes without saying, but I will of course talk to my son before putting a camera in his room. \~\~\~ **\*\*\*IMPORTANT EDIT:\*\*\*** *OOP has posted a new* *update* *since I made this post. I got permission from the mods of this sub to add it here, so I'll post it below. Be warned, it is very disturbing.* [Third Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/122zn0j/update_3_i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is/) \- Mar. 26, 2023 **Update 3: I think my sister's boyfriend (M44) is infatuated with my son (M13).** Hi, all, this is my third update. Another long one, so TLDR at the bottom. I have both bad news and good (really good!) news. Due to the bad news, I'm not mentally doing the best right now, so I’m sorry if this is scrambled, because I don’t really know where to start. I’m angry, hurt, disgusted, and as all of my emotions begin to pile upon each other, I’m beginning to spiral a bit. And before anyone begins to worry, I’ll put it out there now that my son is doing okay. I guess I’ll start off by saying that my son and I weren’t in the house much, up until Friday of this week. We’d been staying at a local motel that’s decently close to his school and where I work. I am a waitress at a restaurant, and my manager knows I’m dealing with housing issues, so he’s been a bit understanding with me when I call out. But when you don’t work, you don’t get paid — and between the Lyfts, takeouts, and motel costs, my wallet isn’t doing so great, but I’m 100% making it work, and I have no regrets. But since we weren’t at the house, things sort of escalated a bit. David’s number is blocked on Roman’s phone, but he found him on TikTok and Instagram on Monday night and messaged him there. Nothing explicit in the messages, just things like: *Did you block my number?* *I really miss talking to you, is everything okay?* *Maybe in the future, we can talk to each other again. I’m sorry if I upset you or your mom.* *Are you and your mom safe? Where are you staying?* *Respond to me when you get a moment. I have something important to tell you.* And many more like that, just him begging my son for a conversation. I was *livid* when my son showed me. I think what set me off the most is that I know David messaged him because he thought my kid would respond without telling me. He thinks they have some secret, private relationship right under my nose that I’m interfering with. I’m pretty sure that’s why he hasn't kicked me out of his house. He's not mad, just miserable and desperate for some sort of contact. I feel like no matter how hard I pull my son away from David, he’s refusing to let go. We blocked the Instagram and TikTok accounts immediately, and I screenshotted the messages (I'm trying to keep a record of everything). I asked Roman to delete his Snapchat account, just in case, but he didn't want to do that (I’m 99% sure he has a girl on there that he likes). I let that slide because he came straight to me about the other accounts, and he agreed not to add any new accounts on Snapchat or post anything that gave away our location for the time being. This entire ordeal upset my son. He broke down in tears when he came back from school the next day. That hurt a lot to see. I don't know if I expressed this, but Roman genuinely liked David, and they got along well. Maybe my kid saw him as a father figure, since he was shunned and neglected by my ex-husband. I think I underestimated the mental toll it would take on him from having to cut David off completely, and then block him when he reached out privately. Someone noted that I should get him into therapy soon. I plan on doing that once we are securely living on our own and I find the money for it. It's definitely a priority. David’s harassment spilled over to me, too. He called me multiple times and texted me things like: *Let me know when you’re back so we can resolve this.* *Am I allowed to attend Roman's baseball game on Thursday with you? I'd like to support him.* *Can you please answer? I'd really love to talk, just us. I'm sorry if I gave you both the wrong impression.* I didn’t block his number on my phone. I figured that the more he talked, the more likely he’d continue to incriminate himself and I could use his words against him. I didn't answer a single one of his questions, but I let him know that if he contacted my kid ever again or if he showed up to his school or any events that I'd go straight to the police. And that’s not an empty threat, either. Unbeknownst to him, I am getting the police involved because I now have **solid** evidence that this man has a sick obsession with my child. This is the bad news, and I’ll forewarn you that if you’re easily triggered, please don’t read any further (or at least skip this and the next two paragraphs). I want to thank you all for confirming my suspicions in the first post, because I found something heinous. I mentioned that I planned to set up a camera in Roman’s room. I asked for his permission first, and he said he didn’t care since we’re barely in the house anymore. The camera I chose is motion sensitive and links the footage to my iPhone, so I can watch it anywhere. The camera was set up on Sunday night as soon as I received the package, and I hid it above the doorframe, so that it overlooked the entire room. You can’t see it unless you use a ladder. I didn't get anything for a couple days; I was randomly notified of movement in the room, but saw nothing when I looked at the footage. But on Wednesday evening, at around six, David came into my son’s room, stood there for a moment, and then left — no longer than a minute. An hour-ish later, he returned and started going through his drawers. He picked up a *specific* garment and left within less than two minutes. I wanted to throw up. I didn’t sleep that entire night at the motel. The following day, I had someone cover my shift, which gave me the opportunity to do a deep search of David’s room while he was at work and my son was at school. I found the article of clothing inside of his pillowcase, on top of the pillow, right where he would lay his head to rest at night. I was so sick to my stomach that it took me almost two hours to confiscate that article of clothing and check it for evidence. I won’t elaborate, but you can infer what I mean. I was nauseated the entire time. All I could do was put on gloves, throw it into a ziplock bag, and shove it into my closet. I didn’t want to look at it or even think about it. I still don’t. That answers the question of why David was so insistent on doing my kid’s laundry. Who knows how long this has been going on? I've been ruminating on the next steps to take. Besides my main priority — going to the police — my other priority is telling my sister Sarah. We are obviously not on the best terms right now. She found out that I confronted her boyfriend last week, and she is livid. How dare I accuse him of grooming my son. Apparently, he’s not the same man he was after we left, and returned to his old habits. He was back to going to bars with his friends every evening. His drinking got worse. He had stopped coming home early from work and dragged himself through the door at almost midnight — *if* he even bothered coming home, that is. And he was no longer affectionate toward her. Apparently, it’s my fault he’s depressed again. If those aren't red flags, I don't know what is. I can't tell if she is in denial, or if she can't actually see them. But what she's most concerned about is that David hasn't been home since Thursday. He went to work, came home briefly, then left again without telling her when he’d be back. In my head, that makes sense; he knows that either she or I took the garment that was inside of his pillowcase, and now he’s afraid to come home. It confirms all of my suspicions. I will tell my sister everything, though, probably tonight or tomorrow. I have no idea how to go about it, and I guess I'm nervous about her reaction. She's still convinced that I’m having a manic episode. I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 many years ago, and I take medication to manage it. If I go off of my meds, my mania will progressively get worse until I spiral into psychosis. So her concerns are valid (I put her through a lot back when I wasn’t stable) but that's not the current case for me right now. I have tangible proof *and* video proof of her boyfriend being a creep. I can bring up the camera footage, but then I have the issue of not getting either of their consent to put a camera in their house, and I don’t know how well that would go over with her, even if it was for a good reason. I just know that if I were in her shoes, I would be grateful that my boyfriend — potential fiancé — was outed as a predator before I got engaged to him. She’s pretty much past the age of having children, but has plans to adopt in the distant future…so I have to tell her, somehow. My son and I have been back in the house since Friday night. My sister still isn’t kicking me out, but she doesn’t want me here anymore. She’s made that very clear. The only reason why I haven't packed our things and left is because, again, David is gone. He won't tell anyone his whereabouts and has turned off his location on his phone, according to my sister. She thinks he might be crashing on a friend’s couch — something he’s done multiple times in the past. I think he knows I’m onto him. But his absence means that I can stay at the house for now. I’m still watching my kid like a hawk and staying hyper vigilant. Still sleeping in his room, taking him to work with me, etc. I can live with the hostility from my sister as long as he is safe, especially since we won’t be here for much longer. Which leads me to the good news! I got approved for public housing! I won’t share too many details, but I will share the most important one — we’ll get to move in in a little over three weeks. There are a lot of logistics that I need to work out (the school bus system, a mode of transportation to work, etc) but I'm glad that something is working out in my favor after this week of hell. The constant vigilance is exhausting, and I can't wait to be in a safer environment. I guess all I really have left to say is that I’m not sure how to go about providing the evidence I have to the police. When I give them what I have, they’ll start some kind of investigation, right? I’m just nervous that I could get into trouble for the camera. And the messaging; that counts as harassment, right? Do I tell my sister everything *before* I go to the police? Any advice you can give is welcome, because I’ve never been in a situation like this before, and I don’t want to mess it up. Just because I am leaving does not mean that I’m letting David get away with what he’s done. Thank you all for your unwavering support. I'm having a hard time right now, but I'll update as soon as I can. Thank you for listening. TLDR; found David harassing my son via messages and caught him on camera taking my son’s clothing. Will provide evidence to the police so they can build a case. Am planning on telling my sister everything. Got approved for housing, and will be moving out very soon. ETA: Thank you for the overwhelming advice. I put the clothing into a paper bag; I had no idea how plastic could affect it. I will make copies of the texts and the camera footage. I will not be telling my sister anything for the time being, and I am going to the police tomorrow. I am looking into getting a lawyer as well. Roman's school has already been informed that I am the only guardian allowed to pick him up. He will be staying with a friend tomorrow night, and once I save a little money I will move us back to the motel. \~\~\~ Edit: [New Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12mp651/i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is_infatuated/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/122vwu7/i_think_my_sisters_boyfriend_m44_is_infatuated/

122vwu7

AITA for refusing to let my boyfriend move in to my house with his nephew even temporarily?

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**I am not the original poster. That is** [u/throwaway\_274838474](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwaway_274838474/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I wasn't feeling very creative today, so to cover up spoilers I just looked up "weird fun facts." Apparently crocodiles can't stick their tongues out, and farm pigs can't look up at the sky because they have too much neck fat. **Trigger Warnings:** >!addiction, parental death, imprisonment!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Good ending for OOP, but still sad all around!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11dy9bj/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_boyfriend_move_in_to/)**: February 27, 2023** I (23F) inherited my grandparents house and land last year. I’d rather have my grandparents back, but at least I’m set up with a good place to live out of college and don’t have to worry about housing like a lot of my friends. I’ve been seeing my boyfriend Adam (24M) for a year and a half and we’ve been planning to move in together this summer. He would be moving to my place. Right now he lives in an apartment with 3 roommates. Adam has an older brother that is kind of a POS. He and his girlfriend are addicts and have been involved in shady stuff in the past so Adam only talks to them at holidays usually. They have a son (5M) that Adam sends birthday cards and gifts to but hasn’t spent a whole lot of time around because of the family drama. A couple of weeks ago, the worst happened and the girlfriend died and Adam’s brother is going to be in jail probably for a very long time. Adam’s mom is disabled and not in good enough health to keep up with a 5 year old full time. Girlfriend’s family apparently disowned her and want nothing to do with it. That leaves Adam as a guardian for the kid or foster care. I am not a kid person. I don’t dislike kids, but I had my own messed up childhood and I would not be a good parent or be able to deal with the noise and chaos of a small kid easily. Adam knows this as we’ve had the “what if there’s an oops” and future planning conversations. So, I was surprised when Adam asked about moving plans up for us to live together so that he would have space to take in his nephew. I said I wasn’t ok with him bringing his nephew and that since the situation had changed the plan would have to be put off until something was figured out. He said there’s no room for his nephew at his current place and rent is sky high so he wouldn’t be able to afford a new place on his own. My place has plenty of room and would be perfect, and this is literally the difference between his nephew staying with family and going god knows where. We argued and his mom has been calling me to beg me to let them stay with me for awhile until they can make other arrangements. I have a feeling that a little while would turn into permanently once the kid got comfortable. Mutual friends have been telling me I’d be an asshole for not helping Adam at least temporarily because I’m lucky to have the space, but I really don’t want my space invaded like that and have to deal with kicking them out eventually if nothing else comes up. ***Relevant Comments: (OOP added quite a bit of clarifying information)*** *People point out this is probably the end of the relationship:* "Yeah, sadly it probably is. I’d be happy to continue dating seriously without living together because it would still be a year or two before I’d feel comfortable getting engaged and married and that’s plenty of time to work on a solution, but if it’s now or bust I’m going to have to pick bust. Feeling pressured into things is a big deal for me." *More about why she would be willing to live separately for a few years when a kid is a longer commitment:* "I’d be ok with being in a permanent relationship with someone I didn’t live with, so maybe a solution is we stay together and live separately until the kid is grown up. That would work for me, I’m pretty self-sufficient and I don’t need a live-in partner to be happy, I think. I also have a feeling this guardian situation isn’t going to last, Adam doesn’t strike me as the kind of person right now to take on a traumatized little kid and all the stuff that goes with it. I’d give it 3 months for the panic to wear off and the reality sets in for him to realize how much it’s going to change his life in ways he can’t deal with. Maybe I’ll be surprised, but Adam is one of those people that kinda needs to start with keeping a houseplant alive first." *Didn't he already take in his nephew?* "I mean technically he hasn’t yet, he needs a stable place to live that meets CPS basic requirements before they turn the kid over to him so the kid is living in a temporary foster home right now." *More about why she thinks he would not be a good fit for his nephew:* "We’ve been friends for awhile before we started dating. He’s never taken care of a kid. Never even had a pet. He’s a good guy, but he’s a dude in his early 20s that hasn’t had a whole lot of responsibility or tie downs until now and part of the reason that I want to ease into living together and thinking about marriage over a few years is that I grew up in an unstable environment with unstable people and was in foster care for awhile and I want to make sure he can settle and stabilize. I don’t think he completely understands what’s going to happen when the backpats stop and he has to deal with actually having a kid." "I’m not shitting on him but as someone who was a child in a similar need, I know that well intentioned people like Adam often make it worse and not every desire to step up is followed by a capacity to adequately step up without fucking op the kid even worse. If he can’t hack it, it’s the kid that’s going to suffer the majority of the fallout, so I don’t really think Adam is thinking of what’s really best for the kid as much as he doesn’t want to think he’s a bad person for refusing to take on the kid. Foster care isn’t the worst thing that can happen here. He can still be involved in the kids life even if the kid is in foster care right now and can possibly take on custody in the future when he’s actually able to house and care for the kid. The kid IS in foster care right now, so he would have to get himself together just to be eligible." *Why can't bf's mom take the nephew in?* "No space. She lives in a one bedroom condo and I think there’s something with her disability that it would effect her status if someone earning a full paycheck was living with her, but I’m not 100% sure on that part." *Can boyfriend move into his Brother and SIL's house?* "Without getting into the messy details too much, no, nobody is going to be living there ever again." *More about the house:* "This house is the only safe place I had growing up. I really, really don’t want to move out of it, it’s one of the few places I feel completely at ease so it makes managing my PTSD easier. I know I’m safe here and no one can kick me out, get rid of me, or treat me like shit in my own house. I’m sorry for the kid but I’m not willing to give that up. I doubt Adam would be able to afford the rent since I couldn’t charge him less than what it would take to get me a place to live somewhere else, so it’s the same problem." *Let them stay for a bit:* "It’s a lot bigger deal than that. Even with a lease, if Adam can’t find somewhere and refuses to go I would have to give them 30 days notice to move before starting eviction and that would take at minimum like 30 days beyond that. So then I’m stuck for for at least an extra month or two with two people in my house that I don’t want there, one an angry ex, the other an already traumatized kid who will be taken back by CPS anyway if Adam is evicted with no place to go and doesn’t need to be exposed to anymore adults fighting and instability. This is one reason why it’s obvious to me that Adam isn’t ready to parent this kid, he doesn’t have a plan that doesn’t involve other people doing most of it for him." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **First Update (Same Post): Somewhere between February 28-March 5. (Probably Feb 28, next day)** Well, decision made. I broke up with him last night. Reading all the responses made me realize that I don’t actually want him to move in with or without his nephew at this point. He did not take it well at all, but probably another reason this wasn’t going to work in the end. Hopefully he and his mom can figure something out together. **Update Two (Same Post): March 20, 2023 (3 weeks later)** Update - A small update for this. Some of you guys were totally right about his intentions. He dropped the idea of taking his nephew in a few days after I broke up with him and called from a mutual friend’s phone to ask me to take him back. I asked him why he wasn’t going to take in his nephew and he said it would be too hard to do alone. So, looks like he was expecting me to help him with the kid all along instead of just letting them stay for awhile, without a free place to live and a built in helper he’s not interested. I did not take him back. I think the breakup was the best thing that could have happened, I feel a lot better without him in my life. Thanks for the advice.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/123bw1b/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_boyfriend_move_in_to/

123bw1b

OOP delivers donated clothing to displaced fire victims. Woman demands coat OOP is wearing instead, then claims OOP threw donated clothing in ditch.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/OBlondeOne **in** r/EntitledPeople on Sunday, February 26, 2023, with updates as comments on original post through Saturday, March 4, 2023.  Spoiler space for mobile users with some [tidbits](https://homeguides.sfgate.com/recycled-clothing-79332.html) about clothing donations: * Americans discard an estimated 68 pounds of clothing a year, while buying 10 pounds of recycled clothes. * In 2006, 2.5 billion pounds of fabric were kept from the landfills by used-clothing purchases. Yet about 99 percent of what is thrown away can be recycled. * Clothing and household textiles, consisting of fabrics such as cotton, polyester, nylon and rayon, make up almost 5 percent of the total garbage in landfills. * Clothes are typically recycled by donating them to charities like the Salvation Army or Goodwill Industries, which will provide tax forms for deductions. You can also sell them at consignment stores for store credit or cash or on the Internet through auction or donation sites. * Charities will either sell the used clothing and use the proceeds for their work, or donate the items to the needy. About 20 percent of clothing donations are turned over to thrift shops. The remainder, sold to textile recyclers, can end up as wiping rags, insulation, upholstery stuffing, ingredients in paper products or used clothing exports. &#x200B; trigger warnings: >!verbal abuse, gaslighting, drug use!< &#x200B; [**Some people...**](https://www.reddit.com/r/EntitledPeople/comments/11cmv5l/some_people) \- Sunday, February 26, 2023 \[NOTE: I have added a couple of clarifying words in brackets to reduce quoting.\] I'm part of a local donation group, so every now and then, I get asked to help with clothes donations. Someone passes away or downsizes, and I will help wash, fold, sort, and deliver the clothes to various free stores. Sometimes, if we are notified of someone in the community in need, we will deliver essentials like winter or kids clothing to their house. We're just a group within the community -there is no religious, political or ulterior motive. We just spread extra through the community as needed as discreetly as possible to help out. This particular situation just hurts my head, and I'm still trying to figure out how it escalated the way it did. So a few days ago there was a fire in our community which left 3 families displaced. We collected what we could in the sizes they needed, and off we went. We dont ask for anything in return other than knowing the families are a little better off. We always apologize and explain that while they may not be they styles they're accustomed to ( as donated clothing ) but at least it is clean and warm. If they had specific needs to let a member of the group know and we would do what we can. A lot of our collected items belonged to other families whose children outgrew the items. It's anonymous and it's a way for our more comfortable community members to help out others within the community with this. It's one thing I love about my community - people don't hesitate to help where needed. I was given an address and head out as usual. Pull in, get the bags and coats to the door and knock. After that... I'm not sure what to think. It started off as it usually does. There was a mother and 3 children, so I explain that there are 3 bags of clothing in the sizes submitted, and a box of age appropriate toys just like with the other families. I thought I heard wrong when she said she preferred my coat and just said what? She called me rude and told me again,' This stuff is OK, but I want the coat you're wearing '. When I told her, "No, I'm sorry, but I just bought this coat she got angry and accused me of picking through donation bags for "the good stuff." I've never run into this issue before. None of the group members are well off. In fact, that's why we do what we do. Because life is hard here and we believe in sharing what we have as a community. We collect good quality items from those with extra and distribute it freely to those that need it or have specific needs. Sometimes we all take items from our own closets if they're needed more elsewhere. Last year we raised funds to help purchase a wheelchair accessible vehicle for a family. The year before it was a young family whose matriarch was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This years cause is to build 4 'tiny homes' for the homeless in our community to use as needed. Our goal is to provide stability so they can successfully reintegrate during and after addiction rehabilitation. We all do what we can to try to help, basically. It's a hard world to feel alone in. Now, my coat is expensive ( $250 ) but I've also saved gift cards for 2 years and anxiously watched for post-season sales before finally taking the plunge and got it for 75% off. Maybe I messed up by wearing it on this errand? I don't know. After I said no, this is my coat a second time, she started yelling at me. I just left the bags on the doorstep and drove away. Today I wake up to a slew of texts from the group asking me to explain why I refused to give the mother any winter coats, and why I left everything at the end of the driveway... allegedly in a ditch? They aren't questioning. Most are downright accusatory. Some are just borderline mean. It's the kind of day where I feel like giving up on this making the world a better place thing. I've been where these families are. And people helped me just like this. I know what it feels like to rely on others... so I do try to be compassionate and understanding without being condescending or pitying. I don't often talk about what I do because nobody needs to know what came from where, or who is getting what. It's just paying it forward. I do this because it's been done for me, and it's the right thing to do. It's that simple. But after today... I don't even want to reply to anyone. It's not just that woman. It's the texts that are getting kinda nasty at this point. It's these people obviously talking about me behind my back. It's how quick they were to assume I must have done this. I'm not sure if I want to do this anymore after all this. I've been part of this for 5 years and have never had a complaint before. I feel betrayed by people I thought were my friends. It just all feels gross, dramatic and depressing now, and that's now how this is supposed to feel.  === I could understand if this was, like, a fancy fur coat or something. This is literally just a rather plain looking long coat that happens to be super warm. I don't get it. === It's only been an official group with a board for about 4 months. But we have been doing this for 5 years now as a project of mine and the current board president that gathered consiserable traction and volunteers/funding as time went on. They so need policies in place. If only to protect the clients that use the service. But as a new board we are all just learning the official ropes and red tape as we go. The one person I thought I could count on is currently the one insisting this happened as the client describes. I'm just so confused. === We did need a board in this case as we are partially federally funded- the community pantry is, anyways. It's a requirement. Unfortunately. === I've had 1 out of 5 \[members of the charity group\] text asking if I'm ok, and what happened. The rest seem to believe that I did this. I don't know how to move on from this. Because the truth will come out eventually in a community this small. It always does. The question now is do I want to be involved with people like this. I don't think I can trust them after this.  === >*Maybe take a breather from the group. The way they treated you is horrible.* The issue is I can't avoid them either. I'm going to have to answer eventually, either via text or in person. The longer I wait, the worse it will be. I know that. But I just don't want to deal with this either. Small community. The truth will come out eventually. But it's now obvious that I can't trust these people. No matter what's said after this, the damage has been done. === Update: As suggested, I did text them as a group in bullet form stating facts only. ( edit: sorry for formatting. Copied from text ,) ' 1. Items were carried to front door as per usual 2. Client requested my personal attire 3. Client accused me of theft from donation bags 4. Client verbally abused me 5. I left the following on Client's doorstep : ½ bag of women's clothing sizes m-l : 1+½ bag children's clothing sizes 3-8 : 1x bag of assorted linens & towels : 1x box of assorted children's toys and books I am trying very hard to understand the context of some of the messages I've received about this, and am truly confused as to why anyone would think I would purposefully degrade a Client. You all know my history and reasons I participate. As I feel I no longer have a place of trust within our group, I am formally resigning from my roles within the committee, and the (group) I will, with your blessing, remain on the Helping Tree as a contact' So far the replies are very interesting. They range from apologetic to accusatory to narcissistic. The most interesting one so far, I think, was not intended for me and insinuated that this was for the best. I can't believe how naive I've been. There's an emergency meeting being scheduled for next week, as apparently you're not just allowed to resign mid-term from a board like this without a valid reason. Which I think I have. The benefit of this is my accuser also has to give an official statement in the meeting minutes because ive resigned. Which I'm allowed to attend and comment on. Which adds validity ti my reasons for resigning. Would it be petty if I wore my coat again, or should I choose something older? Genuinely asking. I don't want to make things worse. I just want out to do my own thing. Rumors are already starting and seem to be in my favor. Small towns are terrific/terrible for that. And I've just been texted asking me to withdraw my resignation ' for fear this may cause an irreparable rift in our charitable group'. I have 8 months left to my current term as Secretary. A position that requires the trust of the board members to record accurate notes. Which I no longer feel I have. I don't want my character unfairly questioned again after I've worked so damn hard to build it up. My resignation was intended to prevent drama and divide. It is doing the opposite. What would you do? I feel like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. === >*Not allowed to resign? What are they going to do, ground you?* With a formal board, there are steps to take to remove a member of the core board ( pres, vice president, secretary, treasurer, committee heads). Or so I'm being told. This may be a stall tactic. I'm going over the current bylaws and policies but it's small font and a hard read. === I'm surprised/touched by how many clients are defending me, but I think this is what is causing a lot of drama and distrust both within the organization and with those that use it. Which is exactly what I was trying to avoid by quietly resigning. It just sucks, for lack of a better word. I feel like the religious have it wrong. It's not judge not lest ye be judged. It's just be judged these days. === >*Going forward, it needs to be mandatory that there be two delivery people on every delivery. No excuses.* > >*There will be people in the future that are in dire need of your group's services. Please do not let that woman's behavior stop you from helping those who appreciate your work.* > >*And bonus if the other helper has a phone's camera on . You have documentation, and they grow manners if they didn't already have them.* > >*Has anyone gone by the house again to see if there was really a ditch??* Oh my... My dash cam! I'm going to check it. Thank you! Thank you so much! === No audio. No clear AHA! moment. But it does show enough. It shows me pulling in, and that there's nothing on the porch. It shows the car moving slightly as I take the bags out, and it does show a bag being deposited on the porch as well as at least 2 coats/snowsuits. As I back out you can almost see the whole porch. You do see her outside but the definition isn't good enough to see her face or what she's doing. I'm also still not sure what proof-if any-has been submitted by my accuser(s). Who, I'm told, has been dropped from the Helping Tree community pantry registry. I'm actually starting to get very angry. That woman messed up. But she has 3 kids under her care that deserve to eat and be clothed. This is going way too far. === Update: Ungrateful client is board presidents former sister in law. And yes, they're still friendly. Ah. Small towns... 🤷‍♀️ I can't wait for next week... === >*I KNEW IT! This whole fiasco smelled strongly of being COMPLETELY orchestrated! Typical small town intrigue and power struggle when there's only ONE that's struggling for the power! President wants you kicked out because you're a CO-FOUNDER and SHE wants to take ALL the accolades and applause from the community! Go get your reputation back, sweet Lady! You ARE needed and necessary to the community, if you weren't, you wouldn't have been doing this charitable work for FIVE years! FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!* I'm trying to figure out how to walk away, but still acknowledge what's going on without hurting the board-they do good work that's needed. I can't torpedo that no matter how I feel. And that's the problem. I think I'm going to ask for an official board inquest -which is eithin my rights according to our by-laws - before I go. I can't see someone doing this over reputation or clout. I certainly hope not, anyways. But if the inquest finds this was planned ( who tf does this? ) I would have grounds to have the board President removed. It's not pettiness- I don't want to see this done to someone else. But you're right. Something stinks here and it gets worse by the day. I'm going to look into \[comment ends here\] === I'm going to submit a statement to the board, with footage from my dash cam that shows at least 1 bag clearly on the porch. Unfortunately, I forgot to itemize the coat/3 snowsuits & boots dropped off in my group text, so I do have to justify that one somehow. I also just heard they dropped off another 3 bags to the woman, including winter gear. I think it's an attempt at damage control, but I also think they're moving in the wrong direction, given what I'm hearing from many. If she tries to sell the excess, like many seem to think she will, this will all come to a head so much faster. Either way, I'm ironically the least invested in this around here at this point. Small town drama ... === I admit, looking back, it is odd that I was given this client when others were closer. I had thought it may be because of scheduling conflicts but I'm finding that's not the case either Interestingly, there are rumors going around that this was staged. I'm trying not to pay attention to rumors without proof but I'm starting to wonder.... I hate this with a passion. It all seems so damn stupid. I'm still so confused. The meeting has been scheduled for Wednesday night ( 2 days time ). I haven't decided if I'm going yet. I don't want this drama to derail what has been a good thing so far. I may just submit my statement and resignation and leave it at that. Popular opinion is on my side so why make it worse? === >*I agree with this so much!! People have had to do that here in my town too. We have small groups that helps out the community that aren't in any organization or charitable groups, just themselves giving back. We had specific residents in town that were running their mouth and taking "donations" and selling them for money. Eventually these residents were burning through different community groups and established organizations and they would complain about each one saying they weren't helping and deliberately causing trouble. These groups did post on Facebook telling their sides of the situation, just like you suggested. Well those residents kept doing this and blaming people for not helping, blah blah blah. It didn't take long for the rest of the town to realize that these specific residents were pulling these scams and they were booted out of all the community groups in town. Sometimes you do have to stand up and tell your side to the community. Eventually the truth will come out.* You are brilliant! After reading this I started thinking about other groups that this woman may have been a part of at her previous location. Well. WELL. I now have 4 witnesses to past behavior willing to come with me Wednesday from 3! groups that have been similarly burned by this woman. The question is.. do I want to take it that far? I do- and I don't. I feel this has taken up far more valuable time, and it's taking away from the original purpose of the group. I'm also being asked to submit my name for board president by the majority of the board for the upcoming term. So I'm being supported ( now ). I still don't trust any of them to have my back should anything happen. And if I replace the Pres shit will happen. === >*\[Comment was deleted, but basically said, "Wear your coat to the meeting, and bring the receipt for it!"\]* I don't think I need to bring the receipt. They are all aware of when I got my coat, and what I paid for it. I'm being told there are 2 board members who seem to think I'm blowing this out of proportion ( Pres and Treasurer ) and should just take the reprimand ' maturely'. When ( if ) I go in Wednesday I'm just going to tell then simply that I feel I no longer have the trust required for my appointed position, and am respectfully resigning to prevent further drama. Pass in my official resignation and walk away. I've also discovered the emergency meeting is to consider 3 resignations-not just mine. === >*OP, defend yourself!!! There’s something fishy about this.* > >*Also, call CPS (anonymously?) and report her for being unstable.* No. I won't be petty and call CPS Those kids don't deserve to be dragged into this, too.  === >*Maybe you should start your own group with people you can trust?* I've actually been thinking of a fringe group for more rural locations that don't fall.within community boundaries. This may just be divine intervention in disguise. === Update. The meeting. My apologies This will be long. As I parked, there were a couple that stopped to say hi, but the majority of the board did not acknowledge me. My accuser though.. she had a great laugh at my expense, and literally taunted me in front of the others on the way in. 'ooh here for more, are you? Guess you didn't get enough of me yet' and blows me a kiss. She showed up with the Pres. I feel that's relevant. Especially seeming as she ran home. The meeting started at 6 pm. I was not allowed to sit at the table until the issue was brought up... I sat, alone, for over 45 minutes. Finally someone peeked outside at 6:53 ( to see if I was still there? ) and called me in. My accuser wasn't there. I say down and the first thing said to me was ' well. We may have made a mistake' followed by this big flowery apology that stank of bullshit and was gaslit better than a propane stove. 'You know that when a complaint comes in, we have to investigate it' At that point I just exploded. Like... I didn't even talk to my kids like that when they were babies. It was the kind of tone you have when talking to the very simplest of minds. I told them there's a massive difference between investigating and outright accusing, and that I didn't appreciate how their ineptitude at leading a board nearly derailed the whole organization and just put a really bad light on what we were doing. She says ' by unanimous decision, we've decided not to accept your resignation. Welcome back' I've likely been this confused before, but I don't remember when. I was expecting this to be much harder. I had a factual speech ready and everything. Walked in and it was just 'we oopsied, oh well teehee' 'Well that's unfortunate that you refuse to accept it, because it's given and I'm not rescinding it. I'm out. And it seems you all know exactly why. For those who have reached out to me- I'll consider your offer of leading this board, but at this time, I'm not comfortable with the lack of trust and transparency I'm seeing. ' and left. My phone has been blowing up all night. I meant to update immediately but it just kept ringing and tinging. I don't even know how so many found out ( good old gossip is my guess ) but I had over 30 calls and just as many texts/social media messages. So. What hspprned while i was waiting outside. My accuser decided to get on something pre-meeting. Literally acted like a wild animal at one point. I'm told it was so bad that the police and Child Protection Services were called by 4 of 5 ladies present, and when told they were called, my accuser took off running home. That's a whole 'nother story. The kids are now safe, I'm told. There's that. The versions I'm hearing are surprisingly similar, for once. So I'm going to tell you the events as I was told. Pres' husband is apparently an addict. Who gets his stash from the sis in law/accuser. I'm not clear on the details but I'm told blackmail was involved. Common word says she threatened to spill the beans on hubby. You know how it goes. Get hurt, get prescription, get hooked, get cheaper street drugs because they're cheaper and no doctor regulates them/questions your dose. There's a rumor he is also sleeping with sustained in law but this is not confirmed... but has been going around for the better part of a year now. Maybe I should start listening to more rumors because I had no idea. Accuser started off normal, if ' twitchy'. She went to the washroom and shit allegedly went sideways not long after she came out. At one point she was laying on the floor, ' slithering and grunting' like an animal'. I wish I could have seen it, but kinda glad I didn't. When Accuser left, it swayed the remaining 2 votes my way. There was a discussion on how to ' handle' me where the Pres just said she'll follow the board on the vote after they shot down her suggestion that the complaint still be addressed. The way she glared at me when I came in ( yes, wearing my coat! ) tells me she was not happy about it either. The vote was unanimous to keep me. I did not wish to stay after all that. Tomorrow they have an open board meeting to tell people what happened, as transparency is ironically a promise we made to the community so they know exactly who and what they're supporting. I won't be there. But a lot of angry and confused people will be. I'm glad I'll be missing it, but I have a feeling I'll hear all about it. I'm told there will be some calling for Pres' resignation. We shall see, I guess. I started this feeling lower than low. Tonight I'm surrounded by positivity and I feel GOOD about this decision. Is this Karma? It feels like Karma. Steps are already being taken to form what we will call The Fringe Farm. We will collect fresh farm goods donated by local farmers and deliver to homes that need a little extra, focusing on those that live between communities and people new to rural life. Eventually I hope to offer clothing and household goods, but I need to find a source outside the community so I'm not taking from the original group. I also have a preliminary board. Comprised of 3 of 5 members of the original board haha I've told then they have to finish their term at the group (because they do damn good work, and it's not fair to those that need them to just walk away-hypocritical? Msybe. But i refuse to torpedo the group ). 2 still submitted resignations because they're just floored by that last meeting. Theirs was depending upon mine, so their exit meetings are being scheduled for next week. Because they no longer have a secretary to record minutes I'm being asked to. I'm also being asked to submit my name for Pres should the current one agree to resign. I haven't decided if I will. I feel that will come across as petty, and tbh it's no longer my business. Thank you for the encouragement. I'm not sure if I would have had the courage to attend if not for the overwhelming kindness and support shown here. By strangers. \* shakes head\*. You have no idea how much this meant to me when I needed it. Thank you. === Update #2. The open meeting was a shitshow, I'm told. Pres was called to resign. Refused. So the board resigned. The group is now being led by the Pres and that's it. So it's essentially dead. You need minimum 3 board members to continue as a registered charity/nonprofit. Nobody ( out of approx 50 ppl ) raised a hand when asked if they wanted to join. The Fringe Farm, by comparison, has more volunteers than we can organize. This is the group started after you lovely folks helped me decide staying wasn't worth the trouble. I have mixed feelings over this. One.. it's nice to feel validated. The other... I really don't like how this went down for too many reasons to count. Our first task as a new org? Writing an iron clad policy everyone agrees with. Including specific steps to collect, file and address complaints or concerns. &#x200B;   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

midesaka

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/123nnbs/oop_delivers_donated_clothing_to_displaced_fire/

123nnbs

AITA for calling my sister a misogynist and telling her that she needs to find a different career?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/fun_control_8549 in r/AmItheAsshole on Mar 17, '23, updated as an edit on March 20th. Trigger Warning: >!Medical abuse, slut shaming, body shaming, infant loss!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11tjtlv/aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_misogynist_and/) AITA for calling my sister a misogynist and telling her that she needs to find a different career? My (26 F) sister (29F) and I got into a huge argument the other day and I really need some perspective. My sister has been working as an L&D nurse for a few years now. She has always wanted to be a nurse and has even said that it was her calling. Lately, she has been making horrible remarks about the mothers that come to her. Now, I understand that every job is going to have its problems and sometimes you need to vent about rude people, management, pay, etc. However, this was not like that. For example, she talked about one of her patients, which she referred to as "white whale". My sister said that "white whale" went into labor and brought her husband with her. She talked about how "hot" her husband was and how she could not understand how "whale" was able to pull someone like him. She laughed when recalling the sounds she made when pushing out her child, and said that "she didn't look like the type of woman to be strong enough to go the natural route." In the past, she has talked about how another mom-to-be defacated on the table, and she remarked that she wouldn't be surprised if her husband divorced her after seeing something "so nasty". Other stories included a teenage patient who "just couldn't keep her legs closed". Here, my sister claimed that she gave her "some sound advice" and I'm honestly scared to know what she had said to this young girl. With this girl, my sister laughed about she gave her a "nurse dose" of pain meds to get her to shut up, and refused to give her a blanket, since "if she wants to act like an adult, then she deserves to be treated like one." The fight between her and I happened a few days ago, due to her talking about a mother who delivered a premature baby. She admitted that she told this mother that she should have "done a better job" if she didn't want to have a baby born at 29 weeks. I blew up at my sister and asked her how she could be so heartless? My sister told me that she should have the right to vent about "stupid mothers" who don't know how to do the thing their body is designed for. She also said that I don't work in healthcare, so I have no right to remark on how she handles stress at work. I told her that if her way of handling stress is to be a misogynist, then she needs to find a different career. I left afterwards. My other family members have been divided on this issue. My husband is on my side. My mom and brother think that I was in the right to call my sister out, while my aunt, uncle and dad are leaning towards my sister, saying that my sister shouldn't have to kiss up to her patients in order to do her job efficiently. I feel bad for some of the things I said and I know that she needs to let off steam, but saying horrible things about women in their most vulnerable time isn't cutting it for me. In addition, my family does not know this yet, but I'm pregnant. And hearing about how my sister, a nurse, is treating pregnant women just makes me scared for labor and delivery. So, AITA? EDIT: Okay hi everybody. First, thank you all for the advice, support, and the well wishes for our pregnancy. I'm about 11 weeks along right now so I do plan on telling our families in a week or so. With the issue regarding my sister, I don't have too many updates yet, other than the fact that my husband and I called the hospital where my sister works and essentially explained what my sister has said about her patients to me. I went into detail about what I could remember and just reported it. They thanked me for letting them know, but I don't know what further action they would take. My sister is taking the night shift tonight, and she has yet to call me screaming, so we will see what occurs in the next few days. I will give you guys an update soon. Edit #2: Okay, hey. So, this afternoon, the hospital that I called yesterday called us back this afternoon, and essentially, gave me a link to online, and asked me to fill out a detailed, written complaint, specifically about what my sister had said about the teenage patient, and the "nurse dose" (something they didn't know about). It's something that they are taking very seriously, and the teenage patient was apparently fairly recent. The guy on the phone also alluded that the family of that patient also made a complaint, so I guess they're just trying to see if the events occurred matched between what we have to say. Someone is also going around asking the unit about what exactly happened, with that patient's care, and if they saw anything, or if anything was said. *In the comments:* >NTA Your sister is abusing the patients in her care. You sound like you know she needs to be stopped but don't know how. Every state has a hotline that you can report nursing staff to anonymously. She needs to be stopped before she seriously hurts someone, she gave a teenager, a minor child (doesn't matter that she was having a baby), more medication than her own doctor prescribed for her. If you can remember the dates when she told you the stories it would be helpful when reporting it. OP: Okay, I will keep that in mind. I don't really remember the dates specifically when she told me the story, and I have no idea when these actual incidents occurred. I'm just really scared to report my sister. Even anonymously, since for one I don't know how many other people she's told about what happens at work, so I have a feeling that she would know that it was me. Plus, I hate saying this, but she's my sister and I would hate to cause her harm. i know that sounds ridiculous but I feel so conflicted, even though that the right thing would be to report her. . >Think about it this way, if she were not your sister and she was 'helping' deliver your baby and treated you this way. How would you feel if you found out someone knew about her behaviour, but they did not report and you were traumatised. OP: Okay, yeah. My husband and I have talked and I plan on making a report. . >I am wondering if your sister found out she can't have kids or something along those lines and is jealous or if it is just her personality. Either way what she is doing is not ok. She needs to be reported for patients safety. She could easily give to much and hurt the patient or the baby if the mother is breast feeds. OP: I don't know anything regarding whether or not she's infertile. But, I don't think she would keep something like that from me. Regarding her personality, she would always describe herself as a "hard-ass", so I guess now I'm seeing it in full force... . >NTA, but OP, unless one of the patients speaks up about her mistreating them, they won’t do anything. Your report will sound like a disgruntled sister causing issues. Just keep your sister at arms length. If she genuinely treats patients as she described, she will be reported, and nursing boards are not wilting flower types. Also, it’s weird she mentioned a husband being disgusted that his wife defecated during labor as that is par for the course. My guess is that she is acting very differently in front of colleagues than she is describing, though it’s possible she is saying awful things to them when she can’t be overheard. The hospital and licensing board won’t care unless she has a record of problems or she disclosed confidential information about a patient. OP: That's what I was thinking as well. Obviously I don't know how she behaves in front of others at work and i don't know if anybody has reported her. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* **UPDATE:** [Removed by mods](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11x709j/update_aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_misogynist/) Okay, hi again everyone. First, thank you again to everyone who commented and gave me advice on how to best navigate this situation. I tried to write this update in a separate post but the mods wouldn't let me, so here I am at the bottom of my original post again giving you guys an update. To sum it all up, shit hit the fan. This morning, my sister came over to where me and my husband live and started banging at our door. My husband opened the door and my sister barged her way in screaming. I came into the living room where she was and she started screaming at me more. My husband had to stand in front of me because he was worried that she was going to lunge at me. My sister was yelling about how she lost her job because of some "bullshit reports" and that she KNOWS that it was me talking shit about her, because I just "couldn't stay out of her business". I replied that it was my business if she was bullying pregnant woman and then bragging about it. My sister told me to fuck off and she said, once again, that she could talk about anyone any way she fucking likes, as long as she gets her job done, because that's what she went to school for, and that I don't know shit. I reminded my sister that I actually might know some shit, since...oh I don't know, a certain teenager's family had something to say about her behavior as well. My sister proceeded to go on a rant about that "bitch and her family" and how she was supposedly annoying her by.....giving birth? I had trouble processing what she said because it was honestly mind boggling. And here's where things got really shitty. I thought that my sister saying horrible things about her patients who hadn't done anything wrong was mean. I thought that the nicknames were cruel. I thought that her telling laboring mothers that they weren't doing things right and dosing a teenager and the slut shaming was vile, and yes, misogynistic. However, it was about to get atrocious. During my sister's rant, she said that she wanted to teach the "brat" a lesson, and said that maybe if she gave birth when she was older, her kid wouldn't have died. My mouth dropped open. I didn't know this before. That poor girl. Her baby FUCKING DIED. I was horrified. I fell to the floor sobbing. Imagining that child in so much pain, and my pregnancy hormones combined got to me and I was on the floor having a panic attack. I told my sister to get the fuck out of my home and my husband escorted her out. My husband held me for a good 15 minutes until I calmed down. So yeah, I'm recovering from all that now, I don't plan on talking to my sister for a while. I do plan on announcing the pregnancy soon, but I'm putting it off until later. Anyways, thank you for your advice, concerns, and well wishes. Peace. *In the comments:* >The bit about ‘I wanted to teach that brat a lesson, and if she was older….’ In conjunction of the nurses dose shit makes me wonder if she didn’t do something to the baby. OP: From the way my sister was talking about it, I think it was unrelated and that the baby died because the mom's body just wasn't ready for childbirth? I don't know when she gave the pain medication to her but it could have been after birth as well, assuming there were complications. I'd just like to think that she wouldn't go that far *Flairing this concluded as OOPs sister has been fired.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/123olax/aita_for_calling_my_sister_a_misogynist_and/

123olax

OOP kid’s haven’t cleaned their bathroom and the parents leaves a note under a rag offering a reward for the finder. Will it be found in time?

CONCLUDED

**I am not the OP.** OP is u/prevuznack and he posted in r/funny starting on Jan 24, 2023, and updating in the post as the saga unfolded. [Original post]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/) [Image]( https://i.redd.it/s9z08678i2ea1.jpg) Text of the Image 01/17/23 Congratulations! You’ve found this note! If you are reading this you’ve won $50. But, here’s the catch. However many days have passed since the date at the top will be subtracted from the pot. Good luck! Mom & Dad [First Update]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/j5riljn/) **Jan 24, 2023** Quick update: We all went out for dinner so we just got home but so far neither of them has said anything about the note. [Second Update]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/j6el1jg/) **Jan 29, 2023** Update: My daughter washed towels from their bathroom but still has not picked up the washcloth. They also emptied their trash bin which is nice but still odd that the cloth is on the floor waiting to be picked up. [Third Update]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/j7wblo0/) **Feb 9, 2023** Update: Sorry for the lack of updates! I guess this update is basically a non-update. Believe it or not, the washcloth is still there. They’ve tidied up in general but the washcloth is still on their floor. I’m convinced my daughter and son both think it’s not theirs and are just leaving it. That or they’re afraid of picking it up. Either way, it’s still there. [Fourth and Fifth Update]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/j8o7iuh/) **Feb 15, 2023** Update: So, I checked their bathroom today and the washcloth is now gone. It’s literally nowhere in the bathroom. Places my wife and I checked: laundry room, rubbish bin (kitchen and bathroom), under the sink, bathtub. Neither kid mentioned anything about the washcloth this morning before school. This is one scenario we didn’t think would happen. I’ll update again once we locate the missing rag. Update again: My wife found the rag in my daughter’s room near her hamper. She must’ve accidentally picked it up and dropped it without realizing. So now it’s by her hamper. She hasn’t said anything yet about it so we’ll see. [Sixth Update]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/j9vm9fv/) **Feb 24, 2023** Update: So, according to my wife, the washcloth is somewhere in my daughter’s hamper. She has yet to mention anything about the note to us. Just a waiting game now, I suppose! [Seventh Update]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/jbce6rj/) **Mar 7, 2023** Update: I honestly can’t believe it’s 50 days now! Sorry to disappoint everyone but the kids still haven’t found the note. My daughter picked the washcloth up from the bathroom at some point and dumped it in her hamper, according to my wife. We’ve thought about telling the kids about the note but I think we’ll just wait until my daughter finds it. I’m just waiting for the moment she says, “DAAAAAD! WHAT’S THIS?!” I’ll update again once she finds the note. [Eight and Final Update]( https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10kav5v/my_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_like_they/jcru01h/) **Mar. 18, 2023** Final Update: So, the note was eventually found … but in pieces! My daughter ended up washing some towels and rags and afterwards called for us to come. She started asking what all these white spots and specks came from. I look closer and they were all bits of paper. I looked through the pile and saw the washcloth with nothing attached. My daughter then asked, “What’s wrong? What is it?” I then showed her the picture that started it all. She said, “Wait, we could’ve had some money?” I said, “Well, should’ve, really.” She slapped her hand on her forehead and said, “dangit!” My wife came over by this time and we had a chat with my kids about picking up after ourselves. As they walked away I heard my son say to my daughter, “Did they hide anymore of those?” We didn’t hide anymore notes but it seems like they’re more aware now. We’ll take it! https://i.imgur.com/oNRCiD4.jpg **I am not the original poster.**

PJRTCGY

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/123p8iu/oop_kids_havent_cleaned_their_bathroom_and_the/

123p8iu

I finally told my sister no one gives a shit she's a rainbow baby and it was cathartic

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/spiritual_resolve430 in r/TrueOffMyChest on March 17, '23, updated March 21st. Trigger Warning: Mentions of miscarriage. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11u39t3/i_finally_told_my_sister_no_one_gives_a_shit_shes/) I finally told my sister no one gives a shit she's a rainbow baby and it was cathartic My sister is 27 and a rainbow baby, basically my parents had multiple miscarriages before having her. And she tells EVERYONE about it, and it's so fucking annoying. She fell into the "trad wife/crunchy mom" trend thing in 2020 when the pandemic hit and became really pro life, always with the argument that "as a rainbow baby I want every baby to live because I lost multiple older siblings and mourn them every day and could have died myself." Bullshit like that. Every time she's at a family event she always finds a way to bring it up. The dreaded politics debate happened and she spewed right wing pro life talking points and backed it all up by talking about how she's a rainbow baby and I was sick of it. I told her "[sister] no one gives a shit you where a rainbow baby, you're 27 and need to forget about it. Pick a new argument because no one fucking cares. You're not a cute little miracle, you're an adult." She ran off with her husband and the conversation moved on from politics. I'm so glad I bit the bullet and told her. We haven't gotten along in years so I couldn't care less if she never wants to speak to me again because of what I said. Good riddance if anything *She explains in a comment:* Trad wife is short for traditional wife, a crunchy mom is a mom who is all natural, so no processed food, vaccines and all that jazz, it's exhausting and my sister has a massive superiority complex over not letting her kids eat sugar and giving them essential oils instead of taking them to the doctor. *This comment pretty much sums up the comment section:* >1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Most women that experience a miscarriage go on to have a healthy baby. What does this mean? It’s that there are a lot of rainbow babies out there. A LOT. Most probably don’t know and I don’t know any adults that brag about it. I’d be annoyed too. [Update 4 days later](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11xz41x/update_i_finally_told_my_sister_no_one_gives_a/) I've been laughing for the last three days, here's your update reddit. Once my sister ran off she apparently called our mom to tattle on me. She's been skipping family events where my sister will be for awhile because she always brings up politics and her reasons for being pro-life. here's the dramatized version of their conversation: Little Sister: Mom! Spiritual told me that no one cares I'm a rainbow baby! Mom: No one does [sister], you're a grown woman. You didn't even start caring until 2017 when you learned what a rainbow baby was. LS: It's an important part of who I am. Mom: it really isn't, Spiritual is right, no one cares. You weren't born when I had my miscarriages, if anyone but me and your father should care Spiritual should as she witnessed it. LS: I'm the one who nearly died, Spiritual was fine! Mom: You where a healthy baby actually. Now stop bringing it up, you've been lucky enough to not have any miscarriages yet, don't jinx it. She hung up and we haven't heard from her since, though it's a little soon to tell if she'll turn up during easter. My mom called me and we had a laugh before calling the rest of the family so everyone could have a laugh at her absurdity. *Flairing this ongoing as OOP doesn't know if sister will show up for Easter and bring more drama. Let me know in the automod comment section if you think it's concluded.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/124gp6u/i_finally_told_my_sister_no_one_gives_a_shit_shes/

124gp6u

OP takes it upon herself to expose her future BIL's "shady" past to her entire family after he confided in her during a vulnerable moment.

INCONCLUSIVE

***I am NOT the OP, this is a repost!*** &#x200B; **Trigger warnings:** >!Mentions of difficult upbringing/childhood, mentions of heavy drug use and sex work, mention of homophobia, clear disrespect for the privacy future BIL.!< &#x200B; [**Original post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/aita_for_exposing_my_future_bils_shady_past_to_my/)**, on r/AmItheAsshole (March 20th 2023) by now deleted u/ThrowRA-AITABIL.** **AITA for exposing my future BIL's shady past to my family?** I'm 37F and I come from a close-knit family. I have 2 younger siblings (28M and 27F) and my sister recently got engaged to FBIL (23M) after dating him for around a year. We all know him well and I have always got along with him. He comes from a rough background but he has always been very polite and charming. He doesn't talk about his own family or about his upbringing. My sister said it's a painful topic for him so no one ever pushed. There was recently a family event which FBIL attended. He was quiet during the day (he is normally high-energy and sociable) then disappeared for a while. When I went outside for some fresh air I bumped into him. He was emotional and said it was a hard day for him due to negative associations. He ended up offloading some quite shocking things from his past including that he has a history of very serious drug use (including needles) and that he has done sex work and p\*\*n (men and women). I felt for him at the time because he was so upset (literally crying on my shoulder) but afterwards I felt more and more uncomfortable. I still feel bad for him since he clearly regrets it but it's very shocking to find out he has that kind of history and it does make me feel differently about him. Obviously I told my husband what FBIL told me because I didn't feel comfortable keeping it to myself. I also told my sister because I didn't know how honest he had been with her and it could impact on her decision to marry him. She was angry and said she was fully aware and it doesn't make her think less of him. I know others might disagree but I decided if my sister and FBIL weren't going to bring it up then it was my responsibility to make sure my family had the information they needed to make an informed choice about what kind of relationship they have with him. My parents agreed that it was the right thing to do and were grateful. My brother said he could see my point but didn't think it was my responsibility to share that information. My brother's wife thought I was out of line. When my sister found out I told our family about FBIL's sketchy past, she was very angry. She is now refusing to speak to me altogether because apparently this has affected FBIL quite badly. They are no longer engaged because "he thinks he's not good enough for her" and no one in my family has seen him since all of this happened. Obviously that wasn't my intention and no one said "he isn't good enough". I think it's naive to pretend that you see someone exactly the same way after finding out they're an addict, whether you like it or not there are risks that come with that lifestyle and relapses are common. I'm concerned that my sister will get hurt and I don't think it's unreasonable for my family to have access to the same information I do, especially when they're inviting him to their homes and there are children around etc. AITA for informing my family about FBIL's background? &#x200B; **Notable comments:** >*You suck* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jcyf1kx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**Another redditor replies:** >> >>*Hi. Hijacking the top comment (sorry) just to say: OOP if you have a shred of decency or humanity left in you heart, send this post to your sister so she can share it with her ex and he can see that he is not the problem, that there are many people that support him and that what you did to him was not okay and he shouldn’t blame himself. Maybe they can still salvage what you so cold-heartedly destroyed. I do hope you can own up to your action and do better...* &#x200B; >*YTA. BIL’s story is for him to tell, not you. They didn’t bring it up for a reason. Your sister has every right to be angry at you.* > >*He confided in you and what did you do in return? Told everyone. So they could make an “informed” decision?? Would you like someone to tell your parents your secrets without your permission? No.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jcyex60/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*YTA, maybe you didn’t realize because you’re so blinded by your own ego but he’s 23. That would indicate that he got started on drugs and sex work at a younger, much more vulnerable age. Most 18 year olds aren’t aspiring to be addicts or porn stars.* > >*Do you know anything about his financial or living situations at that time? Do you have any idea how he ended up in that situation? Can you even imagine the shame and guilt he must feel without the added pressure of knowing how harshly you and your family judge him?* > >*Next time (if there even is a next time) that someone trusts you with personal information, try compassion over your “holier than thou” approach and you might find that people with pasts they’re ashamed of can be some of the greatest people you ever meet.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jcz1yx1/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*Here is the list of reasons why YTA on a truly spectacular scale:* > >*1. You massively betrayed the trust of someone who opened up to you about their trauma.* > >2. *You are judgmental of sex workers and people who have suffered from and overcome the disease of addiction.* > >3. *You described said disease as a “lifestyle”.* > >*4. The fact that you felt the need to clarify “men and women” indicates a level of homophobia.* > >*5. You’re treating your adult sister like a child who can’t make her own decisions.* > >*6. You don’t have the self-awareness or emotional intelligence to realise any of this.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jcywjis/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**Someone adds:** >> >>*7. Given his age and details OP has stated about the timeline, he was likely a teenager when these things were happening, and while I would find this lack of empathy for anyone disturbing, it's especially horrible to consider that he was likely a teenager when he was getting involved in these things, a fact which ought to evoke some level of compassion.* &#x200B; >*YTA completely. You had someone in a vulnerable position tell you something in confidence only to turn around, judge them and then make sure everyone else had the same opportunity to pass judgement themselves. Your sister told you she knew and that's where it should have stopped. It's not your place to out someones personal lives to people that aren't already privy to said information. To think you could possibly not be TA is so jaded it's sick. I hope you enjoyed the relationship you had with your sister because it's destroyed now because of your "Holier than thou" sense of judgement.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jcyii6g/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*OP, are you going to defend yourself at all? Explain or add some additional information?* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jcylrsh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) > >>**OOP replies:** >> >>*I'm reading the comments. I assume if I try to defend myself it won't be received very well and I don't think anyone has asked for further information so I'm not sure what I would add.* >> >>>**Follow up question:** >>> >>>*Does it really matter though? This is a throwaway account. I mean if you're asking, really asking if you are an AH, are you not trying to really figure it out?* >>> >>>>**OOP is still oblivious:** >>>> >>>>*Fair enough. I'm not saying it matters if people are unpleasant to me but it doesn't seem as though anyone is interested in considering my side. Maybe it's naive but I expected more balance in the responses. I find it hard to imagine none of these commenters would have any issue with a future family member being a recent IV heroin user and "adult performer". I'm not saying he's an evil person or that he doesn't deserve respect but that lifestyle does not have pleasant connotations for many reasons. Yes I feel bad for hurting him and for upsetting my sister. I would have found it extremely difficult to just pretend I didn't know and it changed how I view him.* >>>> >>>>>**Another redditor replies:** >>>>> >>>>>*What side? You were told something deeply personal and embarassing for your FBIL because he trusted you. How did you reward that trust? By asking your sister and then keeping your mouth shut as it's not your information to share? No, you told everyone, because you wanted them to know your sister made a bad choice and they should "decide what kind of relationship they should have with him".* >>>>> >>>>>*You blew up his support network and ruined his chances of being happy with your sister, and now they've broken up.* >>>>> >>>>>*I hope you're satisfied.* >>>>> >>>>>*Your side isn't looking good enough to get a bunch of people on your side like you hoped.* >>>>> >>>>>>**OOP:** >>>>>> >>>>>>*I would be extremely surprised if the break-up is permanent and if it is then perhaps the relationship wasn't going to work out anyway. I think he broke off the engagement because he was embarrassed and upset in the moment and I know it's my fault he felt that way. However I strongly expect he will change his mind when he calms down.* >>>>> >>>>>**In the same thread, someone calls out OOP for playing the victim card:** >>>>> >>>>>*Instead of playing victim you should try and take something away from the rampant disgust you've generated towards yourself. Consider the fact that we only have your narrative to work with and even your own narrative not combined with anybody else's is generating this type of disgust towards your thought process and decision making. You should be learning from this if you ever want an iota of a chance of patching things up with your sister instead of expecting us to empathize with your callousness here.* >>>>> >>>>>*Being concerned is one thing, going around and talking about a past that wasn't your place to talk about so that others could pass judgement is another.* >>>>> >>>>>*Your concerns should have been aired out with the person who WAS going to marry him, instead of destroying every ounce of that man's self-esteem and perspective of him in the eyes of your family.* >>>>> >>>>>*If you're saying that he's not an evil person and does in fact deserve respect, then why did you go around treating him with utter disrespect? Your talk and your actions DO NOT line up.* >>>>> >>>>>*Nobody was asking you to pretend you didn't know. Why would he have told you ANYTHING if the expectation was to pretend you didn't know? It is common sense to not go around and spread the word about something you were told in a one on one conversation that is sensitive personal information about another person. You had already told your husband. You went to talk to your sister about it. BUT YOU WEREN'T SATISFIED UNTIL YOU COULD GENERATE A RESPONSE FROM OTHERS THAT WAS IN ACCORDANCE TO YOUR OWN. THAT is what happened. You weren't satisfied. Your husband didn't react in disgust. Your sister was already aware and still loved this man and wanted to be with him for a long term commitment. But that wasn't satisfactory to you because she was angry with you rather than gasping in shock and horror over this information. You wanted to tell enough people until you could tip the scales in your favor in regards to how your perception of this man had changed after he made the terrible error of telling you absolutely anything about himself.* >>>>> >>>>>*Quite frankly, I don't know how you CAN defend yourself after this awful behavior towards another person. Recovered addicts shouldn't be treated like they're always on the verge of relapse. People who went into SW because they came from a background rife with adversity shouldn't be treated like they're beneath you. But that's exactly how you treated him after he shared about his past during a vulnerable moment.* >>>>> >>>>>*You have some massive character flaws that are preventing you from seeing just how badly you hurt two people here. If I could have any sway over the situation here, it would be getting you into intensive therapy ASAP so you can start actually developing some proper empathy and social skills.* >>>>> >>>>>*YTA in a massive way. Calling you TA doesn't begin to describe it. There is no defense for what you did. If it had started and stopped with discussions with your husband and sister I could understand that, but what you did was massively out of line.* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jczkvyz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; >*I am an ex needle drug user and I hate hate hate people who penalize others for past mistakes. This is exactly why I keep this shit secret in my everyday life. Some people do know unfortunately and no matter how much you change or how long you have been clean you will always be a druggie.* > >*I'm 5+ years clean and have a wife and children. I own my own home and make 6 plus figures. I do everything in my power to give my family a good life. Some of the reason is I have guilt because I was using after my first child was born and I was not around as much as I could and should because I was doing drugs. My main reason for staying clean is my children and wife because I never want to loose them. I will not fail them again.* > >*My second reason that I stay clean. I do it because I cant stand proving judgmental losers' like yourself correct. You know how I know your a looser? its because your a hater and the only people who have time to hate is losers'. The majority of us who are winning don't have time to hate on others as we spend are time focusing on making ourselves better. I used have so many people like you in my life. Your a heroin addict, your a bad person, and etc... Guess what still out here clean and having great life. Most of those people hating on me are in the same position they where 5 years ago. I am not.* > >*Major YTA* [\[link\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wko7b/comment/jcz3bor/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) &#x200B; [**Update post**](https://www.unddit.com/r/u_ThrowRA-AITABIL/comments/11xtpng)**, posted on OOP's own, now deleted, account (March 21st 2023). Post recovered via Unddit.** [**Alternatively, the post can be found through the Wayback Machine**](https://web.archive.org/web/20230321223637/https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA-AITABIL/comments/11xtpng/since_the_comments_on_my_post_are_locked_but_im/)** **Since the comments on my post are locked but I'm still receiving messages (mainly telling me to kill myself)** I don't know if this qualifies as an update but I want to make it clear that I know I have messed up. I was convinced my intentions were good but I acted based on judgement and didn't give enough thought to the reality of FBIL's situation. I stand by talking to my sister about it but I should have left it at that. Many commenters said they hoped my sister disowned me. To clarify the current situation: she does not want to speak to me and does not accept my apology. She has very clearly stated "I will never forgive you". I doubt anyone will feel any sympathy for me but the damage this has done is devastating. Although I'm the person she is most angry with, she has distanced herself from the whole family. The person she has communicated with most is my brother but due to how things played out she holds everyone responsible to a degree. I found out that FBIL broke off their engagement via my brother but he doesn't have much more information than that. He said it sounds like my sister and FBIL are still in regular contact and possibly still together, just not engaged. Many people pointed out my ignorance of FBIL's background which is true and my sister also made this point the last time she spoke to me. She said my actions affected him very badly. I truly don't think that means he has relapsed or harmed himself like people suggested because I think if that was true she would have told me out of anger. She said several things with the clear intention of twisting the knife (not to say it wasn't true but she was lashing out). Obviously I'm ashamed that I hurt him. I truly, sincerely hope my actions haven't harmed him in a lasting way. Contrary to what many people assumed, I don't "hate" him or see him as lesser, I like him very much and I wish I had thought things through much more before I opened my mouth. Everyone in the family likes him. FBIL has declined to speak to me or anyone else in the family which I understand. I don't know if my sister will pass on an apology. I don't think it would be appropriate to find other means of contacting him if he doesn't want to hear from me. That's it, I suppose, hopefully this clears up how things stand currently. I'm not responding to any abusive messages. &#x200B; **Notable comments:** >*OP, this utterly drips with self absorption as a woe is you, instead of the impact you’ve caused by abusing the trust of someone who confided a very personal past to you.* > >*You need to seriously consider your actions and reassess the entitlement you seem to bear. Your sister is/was happy, she did not express concerns for her safety and you had no right to share business that isn’t yours to anyone else.* > >*Im betting you don’t have many friends if you are able to treat family or perspective family like this.* > >*Leave your sister and FBIL alone and if they want to talk, they will reach out but you bugging them to forgive you isn’t going to help matters.* > >*Learn a valuable lesson from this and keep other peoples business out of your mouth.* &#x200B; >*In one of your comments you said it changed how you see him, but now you want to say you don't hate him or see him as lesser? I find that hard to believe. And yes, you have done lasting damage to him. You confirmed his fears that his past means he does not deserve to be loved and accepted for the man he is now, despite all the work he's done to overcome his addiction. I hope he has a good therapist.* &#x200B; >*"I doubt anyone will feel any sympathy for me but the damage this has done is devastating."* > >*Well, poor you. You completely overstepped for literally no reason other than wanting to be able to tell your family about his past, which was none of your business to begin with but he trusted you enough to be honest about. You really do not deserve sympathy and saying it has been devastating for you when you single-handedly blew up an engagement, vilified your FBIL, betrayed your sister just to gossip to your family about what you chose to call FBIL’s “lifestyle” is honestly laughable.* > >"*Contrary to what many people assumed, I don’t 'hate' him or see him as lesser"* > >*Except you literally do. You referred to his (most likely) abusive childhood/adolescence and subsequent disease as a lifestyle. That’s fucking disgusting. If you had the capacity to begin to think of anyone other than yourself and your family’s extreme privilege you referenced in your other post, you never would have done that. If you didn’t think of him as lesser you would’ve spoken to your sister to make sure she was aware if you were afraid of her making sure she knew his past before marriage. Your family had no right to know. You had no right to know either, he chose to trust you and you reinforced what has probably been a lifelong battle for him about why he shouldn’t trust anyone.* > >*Now he feels judged and looked down upon by what was supposed to become his family. You have done irreparable damage to him and your sister, whether they end up getting married or not. That was you. That was the decision you made. I genuinely hope you can understand this because there’s literally nothing you can do to take it back or to fix what you broke just because you felt like doing it.* &#x200B; >*Let's be real. You may not hate him but you* ***do*** *see him as lesser. You even admitted you felt different about him after he told you. I'm also curious about how the parents handled the situation, given they agreed with your actions. Hearing that I would assume they also saw/see him as lesser and/or had tension with your sister regarding him.* > >*What were your intentions telling your sister, then everyone? Why do you claim you had to take "responsibility to make sure my family had the information they needed to make an informed choice about what kind of relationship they have with him." From what you wrote, it sounded like you did not want him in your family. That's not okay and I think you need to seriously address not only how you treat people but how you think about them too, as that affects how we interact with people.* &#x200B; >*What exactly did you’re sister say that leads you to used the terms “Twisting the knife” and “lashing out”?* > >*Both of those imply you do not see the very real damage that you caused. The first implies you are being unfairly treated and the second implies that you see what happened wasn’t that serious and both imply that what your sister said to you was unnecessarily cruel, uncalled for, only intended to cause pain and that you do not deserve the pain from what she said.* > >>**OOP replies, still lacking an ounce of self-awareness, still playing victim:** >> >>*What I mean is that some if the things she said were very emotional - that he had "finally started to feel accepted", he trusted me with something he very rarely opens up about, he "saw me as family". I'm not saying what I did wasn't serious but I do think she is trying to hurt me. I understand why and why she's angry.* >> >>>**Another redditor replies:** >>> >>>*No she's not "trying to hurt you" she's trying to make you realize HOW BADLY you messed up. HOW BADLY you hurt him. He confided in you and you broke that trust immensely. You made him feel unworthy, dirty when your sister does not see him that way. He doesn't have a family and felt that yours was becoming his, and instead you showed him just how lowly you think he is. You did a terrible thing and instead of explaining yourself, you should be doing everything you can to make up for it. Because your explanation means NOTHING to them right now.* &#x200B; >*This post is extremely hollow and defensive. Your actions were not only incredibly cruel, as many others have already told you, but your repeated assertion that you “thought you were doing the right thing” betrays your prejudices. You seem to assess the worth of other human beings based on how you view the “morality” of their past actions rather than how they treat others in the present; your repellent treatment of your sister’s partner speaks far more about you as an individual than it does him. I sincerely wish him and your sister well and hope you not only feel remorse because the fallout to yourself has been “devastating”, but that you begin to understand why your actions were so abhorrent.* &#x200B; >*So you aren’t ashamed, you’re just upset that your sister probably hates you now. You don’t feel you did anything wrong. But you did. You possibly sent him into a relapse and if you did I’m almost certain your sister WOULDNT TELL YOU. Why? Because you can’t be trusted not to say “I told you so.” You can’t be trusted, not to tell the rest of your family, because if he did relapse it would be because you started his downward spiral, that I’m sure you’d take no responsibility for just like you aren’t now. You ruined her relationship and the relationship you could have had with someone who thought they truly could trust you as his “soon to be” family. You think she is trying to hurt you but really she’s just letting you know WHAT YOU CAUSED and what you did was to a worse extent than you THOUGHT it was at. You aren’t the victim here, you are the perpetrator. A gossip who wanted this fallout even if you won’t admit it, all your comments and posts show how self absorbed you are in a situation that has NOTHING to do with you. Telling your sister would have been fine, but for you to continue to justify your actions after leaving a bleeding gash in that man’s back is unbearably disgusting. Not to mention that I’m sure you see this as a tantrum or at the very least an overreaction to you crumbling any sort of trust he could have had in you or your family. That’s very telling that an almost 40 yr old woman thought it was in HER best interest to blowup someone at such a young ages past and not expect there to be actual repercussions. If I were you I’d stop trying to make amends and start looking into your own issues as a person.* &#x200B; >*"I truly, sincerely hope my actions haven't harmed him in a lasting way. Contrary to what many people assumed, I don't "hate" him or see him as lesser, I like him very much"* > >*Don’t bloody lie.* > >**-** *You said, in your previous post, that* > >***-*** *your FBIL’s past was, in your view, ”shady”* > >***-*** *you were ”uncomfortable” because of his history and that made you feel differently about him* > >***-*** *you suspected him of having hidden this from your sister, and thought your sister would not want to associate with him if she knew* > >***-*** *your family needed to know so they could ”make an informed choice about what kind of relationship they have with him”, very clearly implying that you thought they’d want to distance themselves due to his past, and wanted to do that yourself* > >***-*** *in your mind, knowledge of one being a former addict changes how people view one* > >***-*** *”that lifestyle” (being a former addict) brings ”risks” and ”relapses are common”* > >***-*** *you’re ”concerned” that your sister will get hurt, for no reason aside from the FBIL being a former addict* > >***-*** *you think people should know if someone’s a former addict because they might invite them to their homes and let them be around their children, meaning you think former addicts might steal things or harm kids* > >*You are obviously judgmental as hell and 1000% view people who have at some point struggled with addiction as lesser, risky people.* > >*Your FBIL trusted you and sought support by revealing something very private and painful, which is a sign of trust.* > >*You repayed that by, essentially, betraying his trust and warning your family to distance themselves, because ”that sort of people” or people who ever lived ”that lifestyle” are, in your view, forever dangerous unpredictable dishonest thieves little children must be shielded from.* > >*THAT was your real intention, whether you admit it or not; you thought your family would want to, and* ***ought to,*** *distance themselves from him, because you think having gone through difficult things makes him lesser than the rest of you oh-so-decent, unmarred, judgmental high-horsed people.* ***You wanted your family to know so they could push him out.*** *You thought he’d lied to your sister for sure because your sister surely wouldn’t have gotten engaged with ”that sort of” person if she’d known, and when she wasn’t shocked enough,* ***you blabbed to your whole family so that they at least could stop inviting him to (gasp!) your homes, where your precious children play, so you wouldn’t have people from ”that lifestyle” in your sphere.*** > >*And you have the goddamn nerve to say you don’t see him as lesser? That you’re ”ashamed” that you hurt him? That you ”truly, sincerely” hope you didn’t cause lasting harm, when you INTENTIONALLY wanted to permanently change the way your family sees him so they wouldn’t invite him to their homes? That you were ”convinced” your ”intentions were good” - that is, you wanted to shield your lofty family from unknowingly mingling with undesirable riffraff? God forbid people try to get over their past trauma and build themselves up, no, mistakes and abuse taint people forever, right?* > >*Well, you got exactly what you wanted. You stabbed him in the back and let him understand that indeed, having gone through trauma and abuse make ”decent” people not want to know him and view associating with him as a security risk, and he has distanced himself out of shame. Your family is safe, congrats! Your sister though might choose to also distance herself to be together with him, but hey, tearing the family apart is a small price to pay for not having filthy former addicts in your home and influencing your children, right? I'm sure your parents, also, are still grateful.* > >*You really are despicable. Trying to gain sympathy because your sister said mean things "to twist the knife", jesus.* &#x200B; **NOTE: Marking this as inconclusive as we don't know what happened to the relationship between OOP's sister and her now ex-fiancé. Given the response OOP had, it's no surprise she deleted her account. I doubt we'll ever see a proper conclusion to this story. I do hope OOP's sister and her partner are able to overcome the damage OOP has caused.** &#x200B; # Friendly reminder that I am NOT the OP, this is a repost.

swankycelery

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/124hzch/op_takes_it_upon_herself_to_expose_her_future/

124hzch

No matter how much OP dumps spices into their cooking it's always tasteless(ish)

CONCLUDED

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/11r37b9/no_matter_how_much_i_dump_spices_into_my_cooking/?context=3) posted by [deleted] in r/cooking on 14 Mar 2023 No matter how much I dump spices into my cooking it's always tasteless(ish) Am I missing something? Does the order in which I put the spices make a difference? Should I cook the spices for a certain amount of time before adding the veggies? For context I usually cook pasta, chilis, lentils, beans etc.. (I'm vegan). Edit: Thank you all for your suggestions, I just discovered the problem is probably caused by my primitive cooking skills lol, going to experiment with all your suggestions. I'll update later. Edit 2: a lot of you are asking whether I have a health condition or not(I haven't had COVID before), I'm fine and the problem is only with my food, I enjoy my mom's cooking and eating out, though I can't deny that somehow my tastebuds aren't that sensitive and I love my food being a little bit seasoned. ----------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/Cooking/comments/11u48kk/no_matter_how_much_i_dump_spices_into_my_cooking/) posted by [deleted] in r/cooking on 17 Mar 2023 I just cooked my regular beans with the same spices and the same ingredients but I followed all your advice, and the taste is just mind boggling, I made two portions but I ended up eating all of them in no time lol. So here's what I did: * I checked the freshness of my spices and indeed my coriander powder tasted like dust, even though I only bought it two weeks ago (I feel like I got scammed), my chili powder wasn't that hot, maybe because I had it on my shelf for ages lol * I cooked for a longer time. This time I caramelized the onion, this was my first time doing so and it definitely made a difference, and later when I added the tomatoes I let them cook for a longer time, and I was surprised by how much water they contained. Blooming. Oh god, I used a less amount of spices but blooming really unlocked the true flavors, also I added extra oil this time. * I used a good amount of salt, and when I felt something is missing I squeezed half a lemon at the end and the flavors just exploded, I genuinely believe this’s what was missing the whole time. I mean maybe this’s the reason why I sometimes tasted saltiness? (Using extra salt instead of acid). * I used a different combination of spices, I used to put every spice that I have with every dish (I know it's stupid lol), but this time I only used some of them. Thank you r/cooking for all your suggestions, now I feel like eating is a pleasant experience rather than a chore I have to do for surviving, and I look forward to trying new recipes! **REMINDER, I AM NOT THE OP**

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/124m8ds/no_matter_how_much_op_dumps_spices_into_their/

124m8ds

AITA for calling my MIL on my Fiancé?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Whofuckingknows2](https://www.reddit.com/user/Whofuckingknows2/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole For today's spoiler cover, u/Artichoke_Persephone sent me a fun fact to use! "Greta Thunburg’s mum represented Sweden in the Eurovision Song Contest in 2009. It’s an interesting pop-opera number with some dancers wearing a mirrored masks at the end. Very stylish!" **Trigger Warning:** >!Verbal/emotional abuse that escalates; drug addiction!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful but sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11j7rob/aita_for_calling_my_mil_on_my_fianc%C3%A9/)**: March 5, 2023** My fiancé (m22) was injured over a month ago and had surgery to correct things literally two days after the accident. I (21f) have been my his side the entire time. I have more or less become his caregiver. In the last month I have taken over the role of keeping our house together. I cook all the meals. I take care of the pets. I stay up all night to tend to his endless needs. I take him to the bathroom. I have been working remote. I haven’t left the house for more than an hour since the accident (aside from taking him to and from appointments). I am not saying this to complain, I am grateful that my life allows for me to support him the way I have. My problem is his attitude. He was given very strong pain killers for the first two weeks after surgery. He had to extend his time on them and recently stopped taking them in the last week. When he was taking them, he thanked me, told me how much he loved me, apologized at every step, though he didn’t need to. Without the meds he doesn’t seem to see that I am helping him. Every dish I bring him is the wrong one, he will yell for me and when I come he will tell me to “fuck off” if he’s in pain he expects me to fix it. I am exhausted. I can’t do anything right and it is wearing on me. I haven’t slept in weeks. I haven’t seen a friend or family member in way too long. I can’t even be on the phone for more than 10 minutes without it being an issue. After days of what turned into verbal abuse, I called my MIL. I told her everything as soon as I saw he was asleep. I cried for about 15 minutes. I felt terrible unloading on her like that, but I had so much built up frustration I just couldn’t stop. She was very supportive on the phone, let me know I wasn’t wrong to feel like that., and let me cry. After hearing everything she was furious and ended our call to talk to her son. She tore him an new asshole. I heard him trying to defend himself through the door but it was mostly just stammering. She flew up yesterday and put me up in a nice hotel. I haven’t heard much from my fiancé since I left but as I was leaving he was yelling at me for calling his mom, he said he didn’t want to marry someone who couldn’t be there for him in sickness. I told him I loved him and I was sorry, I am just so tired. He didn’t care and just told me to go, and his mom could do a better job for him then I ever could. So now I’m in my way too nice hotel room, feeling like a major AH. I need to know if I am wrong here. Edit- He began weaning off two weeks ago and became fully dependent on over the counter medication this week. He did not stop taking them cold turkey. His doctors were heavily involved too, due to previous drug abuse. **Edit 2- March 6, 2023 (Next Day)** MIL is taking him back to they’re hometown once they can get flights together. I’ll stay in this hotel until then. Fiancé doesn’t want to talk yet and tbh I don’t blame him, he knows what’s coming and that I am pissed. I’ll go visit him in a week so I have until then to decide how I want to move forward. My mother called last night about a venue she found in my hometown and I told her what’s going on, she doesn’t want to spend a bunch of money on a “pending divorce” so we are stepping back from planning. Not much more to add, I’m excited to see my pets and be able to sleep in my own bed. I’m going to try to make my sister fly to my state so I can have some company. That’s pretty much it. I’m in serious awe about how I let my life get like this, but oh well. Today will be better. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Is it withdrawal?* "He behaves like this frequently when in pain, just never to this degree. I can promise you that he had been weaned off and would tell me if that’s what he was feeling. I have seen him go through much worse withdrawals when we first met and this isn’t that. He is lashing out on me in pain, which I get. I was the only person around." "He has a history of drug abuse, I took administration of the pills very seriously. Due to his history we worked very closely with his psychiatric team and the orthopedic to make his weaning period as easy as possible. I should have put that in the post but he did not stop cold turkey." *Is this abnormal?* "He has what some would call a short fuse. Especially with me. Him saying hurtful remarks to me or just blatantly putting me down is not necessarily uncommon and is something we are working on. Prior to this he would apologize and make it up to me, now even when I’m in tears he will just keep laying on insults." *OOP has thoughts later that day:* "Being away and able to process the last month of my life has been eye opening. I couldn’t imagine trying to care for a child under conditions like that. I couldn’t imagine how frustrated I would be. HIs injury is in his arm, he can walk, he can use his left (dominant) hand. I understand that he is in pain and its awful but I have had a friend with much worse injuries help us move! I’m thinking about returning my ring." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update in comments (Same Post): March 13, 2023 (8 days later)** "I’ve returned. My last night in the hotel I called my parents to make a plan and it didn’t go well. I’m home with my fiancé again. He wont talk to me except to bark orders at me. I’m hoping I can move out within a month or two. Surgery and recovery are expensive and we have been living on my income for some time and I’m pretty broke but I’m keeping my head up and I’m confident I can get myself out." *Why didn't he go with his mom?* "I know she pushed for him to go home but he is a very stubborn boy. Thank you, I will be okay." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Whofuckingknows2/comments/11yx1ya/update_aita_for_calling_my_mil_on_my_fianc%C3%A9/)**: March 22, 2023** Updates on AITA seem like a process so I’ll just post here. I went home two days after posting. Things were sad. My mil had cleaned but the energy in the house was a bummer. The first thing he said to me when I got back was “I’m glad you’re back, can you make me a snack?” There was no apology, no accountability, just a task. He only talked to me when he needed something. His attitude was worsening. My mil took the rest of he prescribed opiates so I knew he wasn’t using. The weekend following the MIL debacle my wonderful Fiancé told me he had friends coming to stay for the weekend. 2 hour heads up. Didn’t ask. I sighed and made up the guest room. His friend and friends girlfriend came to stay. During the stay my fiancé bought me flowers, got out of bed daily, took me out, and let me call my parents unsupervised. The day they left he was back to bed with a shitty attitude. I wish I could say I am in my own apartment with my pets and a bottle of rosé that’s just for me. Or with my girlfriends that I haven’t seen in months. Unfortunately I’m writing this on the couch while I listen to the music that are his endless demands. However I do have a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m scared to leave him in person but he’s leaving the country for a month in April. My sister lives abroad and I’m working on getting to her during that month. It’s a process especially with pets. I look forward to getting there. My mother hasn’t spoken to me since I told her I was returning the ring because “That’s not we do, we clean our messes.” But I have my fathers unwavering support. I’ll miss my MIL but I deserve that kindness and understanding from my partner, not his mother. I have stopped forcing myself to find the joy in his presence and its helping to fuel my drive to get out of here. I may update again when I get to my sister but don’t be surprised if I do my best to put this chapter behind me. Thanks for the kind words. I hope you all get the love and hugs you need. **Update in a comment on this post:** *Why isn't he with his mom?* "MIL was planning on taking him, he refused. Things got very bad since I posted this. Im currently in my childhood room at my fathers (decently hungover) and I am officially a single lady." **Edit-** OOP has added a few new comments to her update post. I have included them here, **but A REMINDER that it is against the rules to comment on the original posts.** *About "calling her parents unsupervised":* "I called my sister once when I was scared of him awhile back. She called the police. He liked to be in the room when I was talking to family following that incident so I didn’t say anything “dramatic”. I should have seen how bad it was. Typing that out just feels gross." *More about what happened:* "I don’t want to get too into it but we had a bad night. It ended with me locked on the balcony. I still have some bruising. I was able to call my father on my watch and we made a plan to get me home the next morning" *Are you and your pets safe?* "Yep. Im with my dad now." "They are. They aren’t in my arms yet but I should get them back in the next week." **Again, please do not comment on OOP's post. OOP, please know we sincerely wish you the best. Please continue to be kind to yourself and take care of yourself!**

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/125co5g/aita_for_calling_my_mil_on_my_fiancé/

125co5g

OOPs boyfriends mom is a bully and she doesn't know how to tell her boyfriend.

ONGOING

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRadragongal in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!entitled behavior,child neglect!< mood spoilers: >!things look good for oop and bf !< --- my (19f) bfs (19m) mom(50f) came into my work today and i don't know how to tell him https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11jmafc/my_19f_bfs_19m_mom50f_came_into_my_work_today_and/ - March 5th,2023 i think my original post was removed because i cannot find it throwaway because my boyfriend follows my regular account. Also for clarity, i will call my boyfriend "N" I (19f) have been dating my boyfriend (19m) for a year and a half. Things have been really good and he is my best friend. I also get along really well with his family as he does with mine. I go to a cosmetology school currently and I hope to become a hair stylist in the future. I have done my family's hair as well as my boyfriends family for free when I am free. For example, I did my boyfriends little sisters hair for her junior prom and have done his moms twice for weddings. I do not charge them because I am not on the clock and because I don't want to accept their money when I offered to help in the first place. On Saturday, I had a woman come into my school/salon and ask for me to do her hair. For some info, students at my school are allowed to do peoples hair/people can come into the salon and get their hair done by students. The prices are a lot lower (think instead of a $50 treatment, it would only be like $14) but obviously, are done by "newer, less experienced stylists) We do get a lot of customers, most of my friends come in and sometimes even my boyfriend. So anyways, the lady comes in and asks for me. I wasn't working on anyone so I gladly helped her out. We ended up doing a full scalp treatment plus a cut and blowout plus styling. For salons in my area, his would be anywhere between 60-80 dollars. At the place I work at, this was only $20. When she was all finished, I brought her to the front and gave her the total. She looked at me and said "Aren't you N's girlfriend" I didn't know who this woman was but I said "Oh yes I am". She then said "*N's moms name* said you work here and you don't charge family members. I didn't bring any money". Again, I have no idea who this woman is and I have never said anything close to that. I told her that I am currently a student and do work here, but our school/company does charge. She was like "No, I just spoke with her and she says you do family and friends hair for free" I told her that while I have done some family's hair as well as my boyfriends family's hair for "free" I have done it at their or my house when I am off the clock. No matter what I told her, she would not listen and my teacher/salon owner had to come forward and help the lady. She basically told my manager that I said I have a family discount and now I'm making her pay even though I told her she didn't have to. Thankfully, my manager heard our entire conversation before she came over and basically told that's not true. The woman did have money and threw a $20 bill on the counter before she walked out. I apologized to my teacher but she told me not to worry. About an hour later, my boyfriends mom showed up. I was working the counter at this time so I was free to talk to her. I was about to tell her about the woman from earlier but she kind of started talking right away. She said (not even a hi beforehand) "My friend just told me what happened, I'm not sure what to tell her." I told her I wasn't sure what she meant and told her what happened. Apparently, she knew what happened and everything that lady told me was true. To summarize, my boyfriends mom was talking to her friend (the lady) about where to get their hair done. She told her friend about me and how I do hair at a salon for a cheap price. She then told her friend to tell me that she knows my boyfriends family and that I wouldn't charge her. I said to her that I have no control over prices and that I have never done work for free. She told me that I do her and her daughter's hair all the time for free and that she assumed I'd be nice enough to lend a hand to other people they are close with. I told her I don't know why she would assume that as this is my job and I'm still in school. I also told her that the times I've done her and her daughter's hair, I've done it at their houses when I wasn't currently at school. She ended the conversation by saying that I'm just a student and she doesn't understand why I would still need to get paid when I still have a lot to work on. She said “N says a lot of sweet things about you and I was really looking forward to other people meeting you. I now have to go around telling my friends that you are actually sweet and we do actually like you. But it's fine I guess I'll see you soon” and then she left. The entire time she was very passive aggressive and very fake nice/understanding? I'm honestly at a loss for words right now. Throughout my entire time dating N, I have never once gotten the impression that she didn't like me, and she's never acted like this to me before. I'm supposed to have dinner with him and his family on Wednesday, but I'm not really sure I want to go anymore. I don't really want to see her and I feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable. N has been at a tournament all weekend so I haven't gotten the chance to tell him what happened. I don't know how to tell him or how he's going to react. I don't know how to go about this or if I am overreacting? How do I bring it up to him? Relevant comments: "You’re not overreacting at all. Your reactions and feelings are completely valid. It was wrong of his mother to assume that you would do this random woman’s hair for free. You literally do not know her and not once did you say “hey N’s mom, if you or your friends want to swing by my SCHOOL, my place of business, I’ll do it for free!” You never once said that. You always did it at their house and she had to know that. She obviously is a very unaware person. I would absolutely tell your boyfriend about this. He has to have an idea of his mom being like this and I’m sure he will definitely believe you. If he doesn’t, bring the manager in on a conversation." "She came to a business you work at and wanted you to give her friend a free haircut. If you had done that there is every chance you would be fired, it was lucky that your manager heard the exchange. Tell your boyfriend what happended and next time you see his mum I would tell her that your manager was extremely unhappy at what happeend and if anyone else comes into the shop and tries that again they will be banned from the store. (but you should ask your manager what happens in situations like this, with the understanding that you will never give anyone a free haircut in the shop.)" A few hours later, OOP posted a minor update: minor update** My boyfriend sent me a text and asked if we could talk. He got home from his tournament and came over to my place. This morning, his mom sent him a text about the situation. They had a whole conversation where she had said a very fabricated story (as many of you said) about what happened. My boyfriend sent back a response along the lines of "why did you expect it to be free? throwradragongal has never done that before?" She blew up at this and sent him a bunch of texts saying that throughout our entire relationship, she hated me and does not want us together because I am tearing their family apart. My boyfriend was very upset when he showed me the messages and told me to not believe them. I told him about the post and he read through it as well as all the comments. We are going to speak more about it later (he is taking a nap right now because he was playing like all weekend) but he said he has been having a lot of trouble with his family/mom for a while. Things have been very rocky between them and this was just the final straw. After he wakes up we are going to talk about it. As for the party, we are still going to go. I did not mention it before, but this is like his "family tradition" party. Wednesday is the only time all of his extended family can all meet at the same place. I have gotten really close with the other relatives and I do not want his mom to ruin a potentially good time. I was going to upload the text message screen shots but I don't know how to so if someone does, they can let me know. As for now, My boyfriend and I are going to chill for the rest of the day. I might make an update after Wednesday or if anything more happens. I have work tomorrow and am planning on speaking to my teacher. Not sure what to do or say on Wednesday or if I even bring it up. Update to previous post https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRadragongal/comments/11xp6kj/update_to_previous_post/ - March 21, 2023 Hello! I was planning on giving an update about what happened but a lot happened since my original post so I haven't been able to get on here. *It wont let me post on the relationship subreddit and I'm not sure why so I am posting to my profile* First off, thank you to everyone who commented with advice and support, my boyfriend and I read through every comment and we appreciate you all. Another thing, I spoke to my manager/teacher. after what had happened, and basically read my initial post. She was very understanding and told me that nothing that happened was my fault, and I have never given anyone the impression that I would do side work for free. She said she would keep an eye out for anyone that comes in asking for me and would help out if I needed anything else Before I get into this, I did ask my boyfriend if he was okay with me posting this and he said he was. After my original post, I spoke to my boyfriend about what happened. He showed me the texts between him and his mom and everything else that has happened. Things have been very tense between him and his family. His mom quit her job and decided she wants to be a "housewife". His family, however, does not make enough money for her to live out her housewife fantasies. They have been comfortable with the amount they have but with one kid in college and another heading to college in 2 years, quitting your job and relying on a single income is not a smart move. My boyfriend has expressed this to his parents and he continues to get 2 responses: his mom says that its not his business, she gave up so many years taking care of him and his sister and she should be able to relax and do things she wants to do. His dad, although stressed about having to work more, says to leave his mom alone and just focus on school. This has been happening since September of 2022, and my boyfriend has been dealing with all of this. He said that he didn't tell anyone because he was embarrassed by her behavior and the idea that down the line, he might not be as financially stable as he was promised he would be. In the past months, he has been staying at my place as well as his teammates places more. I thought it was because of his season coming up and him wanting to spend more time with him but he apparently isn't welcome at his home. (apparently, his mother said to him "I don't need a hater like you to tell me how to live my life, if you're going to be a drag, you can leave." He only goes there to pick up his sister and drive her places and drop her off to school. As for Wednesday, I decided to go. I know a lot of people had mixed feelings about whether I should go or not, but I explained later on that this dinner was kind of a family tradition where all extended family came to one house and see each other. I know that despite what was going on with his mom and dad, this meant a lot to my boyfriend and I know how close he is to his aunts, uncles, and grandparents. He said that he wanted to just lay low during dinner and not contribute to anything his mom says/cause a scene. He did say though if she brings up what happened at the salon or tries to do anything about me, he will do something about it. The dinner was at his house. We went around saying hi to all of his extended family and just hanging out with his sister. During dinner his mom started talking about “doing things for the family” and how she can't imagine someone in this family refusing to help another if they needed it. Her father (my boyfriends grandpa) asked what she meant by that and she looked at me and said, “well you know, if you're looking to marry into a family, treating family members like regular, nobody customers really lessens your chance of being accepted in.” I could not believe the audacity of this woman. I was reading through your comments and saw that a lot of you told me to not bring it up and to just take the higher road/ not give in to her nagging. I was planning on ignoring the comment but she was staring at me while she was saying it and didn't look away so I just kind of smiled and said, “oh Im not sure what you mean” During this, most if not all the extended family was now paying attention to this conversation and were looking at his mom for her response. She scoffed and said, “ I know what it's like to work a job, and still be kind and treat family with respect” My boyfriend looked at her and said very calmly, “ What do you mean? You don't have a job, you quit” Apparently, no extended family and even my boyfriend's younger sister knew that his mom quit her job and doesn't work anymore. Apparently when a family member calls her, she responds saying that she's at work and she'll call them when she's done. My boyfriend's grandpa asked him what he meant and his mom tried to cut him off but my boyfriend basically explained what's been going on since September. The whole family started questioning his mom and asking why she would do that. She only repeated that she wants to have a life and she's allowed to do whatever she wants. My boyfriend's little sister was really upset because she has a dance coming up and was looking for a dress that was a little out of her price range. She doesn't have a job but she told her parents that she was looking for one so she could pay for her own dress. Her mother assured her that she didn't have to get a job and that her mom is working overtime so she can get the dress for her as a gift. His sister started crying and said that she could have been working for months had she known that her mom lied to her about getting that dress. My boyfriend and I left with his sister in the middle of the conversation because they were both getting very upset. As we were leaving the whole family was still yelling at his mom about lying to the whole family and kicking her son out of his house. His sister and him stayed at my place for the weekend before she went back to her house. She is currently staying at her friend's house for a little bit because she doesn't want to go home to see her mom. Some of my boyfriend's aunts and uncles reached out to him and apologized for making him feel like he had to keep this secret. They said that if he needs anything in terms of college, food, and anything upcoming games, they will cover it. His dad reached out to him last week and said that his mom is upset with him for calling her out at dinner. He said while he doesn't think that what his son did was bad, he had to have known that this would have started up a whole thing and it's better to just keep the peace. My boyfriend did not respond to him and says he probably won't for a long time. My boyfriend is doing much better, and says that he feels like a weight has been left off of his chest now that he's finally spoken about it. We are having a lazy day right now which is what reminded me that I forgot to update this post so I'm doing so now. Again, thank you for all the support and all the good advice, I am really grateful! **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

sunshine-clementime

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/125w7m1/oops_boyfriends_mom_is_a_bully_and_she_doesnt/

125w7m1

AITA for telling my daughter it’s just a dress and she’s being dramatic?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/cluelessdadperhaps](https://www.reddit.com/user/cluelessdadperhaps/). He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Fun fact to cover up spoilers comes from u/QualifiedApathetic. They sent me this: Humans have just as many hair follicles per square inch as other great apes. Our body hair is just so much lighter and finer that it LOOKS like less. Also- you have stripes. They can sometimes be seen with a UV light. Your cat may be able to see them without help, since their vision extends into the UV spectrum. **Trigger Warning:** >!Parental Death!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Communication wins out!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11zq2f6/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_its_just_a_dress_and/)**: March 23, 2023** I’m a single dad to 3 daughters. This revolves around my middle, “Juliet” (17F). A few weeks ago, I took her shopping for her prom dress. She picked one that she absolutely loved and she truly looks like a princess. Then, last week, she was very upset because she saw on Instagram that a classmate (not a friend, but someone in her grade) had bought the same dress, but in a different color. She tried asking the other girl to change and the girl (rightfully) told her no. I was sympathetic and let her vent, also adding that it was a different color so at the very least, it wasn’t too similar. The issue is, Juliet has been trash talking the girl for the past week. This is very out of character for her, she’s never been a gossip. But I’ve heard her venting to her friends about it. I let it go because what does venting really matter? Then I got a call from Juliet’s history teacher saying that she overheard Juliet talking poorly about this girl repeatedly. While the girl is not in the class and there’s no evidence of bullying, she is worried it’ll get there. I sat Juliet down and said while I understand completely that this is frustrating and I may not get all that comes with dresses and such, this isn’t fair to the other girl. From what it seems, she didn’t purposefully do this to hurt her. I pointed out the different colors. Also offered to take her to return the dress and she could get another if having a unique dress was that important. Juliet said that she shouldn’t have to get a new dress. She kept trash talking this girl. I finally told her “It’s a dress. Your feelings are valid but you need to stop being so dramatic and let it go.” This upset her and she left the room in tears. I tried talking to her about it but she stayed in her room. My eldest (22F) told me I technically wasn’t wrong but I shouldn’t have said it. I really try not to be a bumbling dad who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I learned all stuff related to raising girls, have always made it clear they can come to me for anything, etc. If I need to outsource a problem or they want a woman to talk to, they have their godmother (late wife’s best friend). Was I the ass here? ***Relevant Comment:*** "Honestly, this is all very out of character for her. She’s never been one to care about fashion. I know sometimes her friends have worn the same outfits. She doesn’t normally buy anything relatively unique. I don’t know if there’s some sort of prom dress culture? Or if something is going on? I know I’m her dad so maybe I’m biased, but this is brand new behavior." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): 8 hours later** I want to thank everyone for your feedback and advice. Some of you suggested there is much more going on here and I agreed. I sat down with Juliet again and said I standby my sentiment, but I also think there has to be more going on. As I said, it’s just a dress and this isn’t like her at all. Some of you suggested perhaps she had prior history with this girl. She said no, they don’t even really talk. They only follow each other on social media because “everyone follows everyone”. I pushed more and asked why a dress was so important. She eventually admitted it wasn’t. Then went onto say that she’s felt weird about prom this whole time and her senior year overall. When I asked why, she started crying and said she missed her mom, she wished she was here, etc. My wife passed when Juliet was 5 so she never truly had her for any of those big milestones that a girl would have with a mother. Watching her friends go through all these things with their mom reminded her that she doesn’t have one. I gave her a big hug and held her while she cried. I cried a little myself. I knew that Juliet struggled with her mom’s death but had no clue it was still such an issue. Once she calmed down, Juliet insisted that she hadn’t ever said anything to the girl but agreed to apologize for even asking her to change the dress. She also promised to stop talking junk. I told her next time to just talk to me about it. I miss her mom too. When my eldest was going through all these milestones her senior year, I definitely felt that someone was missing and that my wife should be there. So crisis is over. I know some said to ban her from going to prom and if she had continued her behavior, I would’ve. But considering she’s going to apologize and is letting it go, I feel that’s an overreaction.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/126axot/aita_for_telling_my_daughter_its_just_a_dress_and/

126axot

AITA for blowing up on my husband over chicken alfredo?

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Originally posted by u/alfredoblowupta in r/AmItheAsshole on March 22, '23, updated the next day as an edit. Trigger Warning: >!Cheating, verbal abuse!< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11yvtzr/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_husband_over_chicken/) AITA for blowing up on my husband over chicken alfredo? I (38F) am married to my husband (42M). We’ve been together since our early twenties and have three small children (all under 10). He’s a mechanic and works anywhere from 60 to 80 hours a week, while I work as a hostess 3 days a week at a restaurant while the kids are at school. I do the majority of the housework and childcare and I don’t mind as I understand he has a hard job and works a lot. He gets the kids on the bus every morning because he leaves for work about 10 minutes afterward. All I ask of him is to do his laundry as his clothes are covered in oil and grime and need to go in by themselves and pick up after himself because the kids destroy the house enough. A couple times a week he’ll help with dinner and cleanup at the end of the day as well. Over the last 2 months, he’s completely stopped helping. He dumps his clothes on the laundry room floor, his half of the bedroom is a mess, he leaves cans and wrappers all over the living room and he’s even stopped getting the kids up which has upset them as they love their mornings with dad. He’s also been coming home hours later than usual. I’ve been letting it slide as he seems very stressed out, but a few days ago he snapped at me for being a “shitty wife” for letting his clothes go unwashed. I reminded him that he always did his own laundry, and he hadn’t asked me to do it (I’ve been doing it I just hadn’t gotten to it yet) He just grumbled and went to go watch TV. Last night I made chicken alfredo, we have it about once a week because the kids love it and no one’s ever complained. Well, he bitched and moaned through the whole dinner. Said that since I’m not taking care of the house I should at least put a good meal on the table, that I’ve just been letting the whole family go to shit and I should be ashamed of myself for treating him and his children like that. Called me a bad wife and mother in front of our children. I told the children to go to their rooms and snapped, I screamed at him about how much I do for the household, that if it wasn’t for me the place would be trashed and he has no right to treat me like this over chicken alfredo. We went back and forth for a while before he left, and I have no idea where he went and he isn’t answering my calls or texts. I feel bad now, as I shouldn’t have reacted like that, especially because I know he’s just stressed from work, but it all just kind of built up and came out at once. I just want to know if I was wrong for freaking out on him like that. **In the comments:** *Top comment:* >I sincerely hope I'm mistaken, but your DH may be having an affair and setting you up to be "the bad wife and mother" to justify his behavior. OP: The thought of an affair hadn’t really crossed my mind, I know that his job lost an employee so the work load has gotten bigger so I really hope it’s just that >ESH - you for yelling and waiting too long to bring up the issue, and him for obvious reasons. I think something is going on with your husband for having that big of a shift. Any mid-life crisis or mood changes? Could he possibly be looking for a way out of the marriage? OP: I agree that I definitely should’ve said something sooner. As far as I know his work lost one of their best employees so everyone else has had more added to their work load. He doesn’t talk much about what’s bothering him or going on with his work life but when I do hear from him I want to sit down and talk and work this out. >In the past two months, have you attempted to find out why your partner changed ao drastically? OP: I have asked him, but he tends to brush me off and says he doesn’t want to think about work. I do know they recently lost an employee and the work load has gotten bigger for everyone but he’s had coworkers quit in the past and never behaved like this >Have you looked at his paychecks recently? OP: He gets direct deposit to his account that I have no access to, and then transfers the amount for bills into our joint account, i’m not sure what he does with his pay stubs but I never see them. >Something is awry, and it's not you. Couples counseling now, but keep a watch on your money and protect your kids. Sounds like your husband is checking out. OP: We have separate accounts and a joint account for bills that we both transfer to. I don’t make much at my job but I do have savings from an inheritance I got a few years ago. *Other comments suggest that he is either exhausted from working so much or he lost his job, isn't actually going to work and can't admit it.* *OP is voted Not the Asshole* Update: I called my husband for the 100th time because he still hadn’t come home and the kids wanted to know where he was, and a woman answered. I didn’t recognize her voice and he doesn’t have a sister. I asked her to put me on the phone with my husband and she asked who I was, I said I was his wife and she laughed into the phone and told me he was busy. We went back and forth, with her laughing at me the whole time before telling me she’ll send him home soon and hanging up. It’s now the next morning and he’s still not home. I really didn’t think he was cheating, I had really hoped this was just a rough patch but it looks like most of you were right. I’m heartbroken and a little in shock and not really sure what to do right now. My brother said I should come stay with him, and I might, or maybe just bring the kids so they don’t have to see us fight. I might update again or I might not, but I’m sure you all know where this is heading anyway Update #2: He came home a few hours after I last updated, I immediately confronted him about the woman answering, he denied cheating and said it was one of his friends messing with me because he stayed at a friend’s house and they must’ve answered his phone. I told him I don’t believe him and to pack some things and leave because I want a divorce. He blew up at this, telling me it was his home (my parents bought us the house when we got married) and that he was not going to leave. We argued for a while until I called my brother. My brother lives about 20 minutes away so he got to the house very quick and once he got there my husband calmed down and packed a bag. Once he was gone my brother helped me contact a divorce lawyer. My brother and his wife check in with us every day, We’re all safe and I’ve had very minimal contact with my now ex husband. I probably won’t update again. **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/126hcx7/aita_for_blowing_up_on_my_husband_over_chicken/

126hcx7

I don’t know how to tell my dad that my step mom hates me (New Update)

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This is a new update on a story that has been shared here previously. Originally posted by u/unfair_impact_1400 in r/relationship_advice on July 21, '22, updated August 8th, September 5th. Newer updates, marked with 🔴🔴🔴, on Sept 27th, Dec 2nd, Dec 6th, Dec 28th and Jan 31, '23. Trigger Warning: >!Verbal abuse, mentions of self harm, abandonment!< I (17m) don’t know how to tell my dad (32m) that my step mom (37f) hates me [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/w4lpb9/i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_32m_that_my/) Hey this might be long one I’m sorry. There is a TLDR at the bottom. I really don’t know what to do about my situation and I don’t have anyone close to give me advice so I thought here I can maybe get some advice. I have an amazing dad who raised me since my mom passed away when I was 5 years old. He is my friend, my supporter and someone who I want to be like when I grow up. When my dad first introduced my step mom to me I was 10 years old and she was very nice to me and he looked so happy that we met and hoped we could get along. They got married when I was 13 and I was so happy that me and my dad had a new member in our family. I thought me and SM were getting along until I think a few months after their honeymoon she told me one morning that we just need to pretend to like each around my dad but when he is not here that I shouldn’t bother her, honestly this shattered me but I agreed cause I didn’t know what else to do. After that day whenever it was just me and SM she would say things to get to me and I would just not say anything. I’m introverted and don’t like confrontation so I just took it and thought overtime she would get over it but it got worse. She would talk about my height and weight and say I was funny looking version of my dad. I hoped my dad would notice but he didn’t, he actually thinks me and SM are so close and she understands me. He looks so happy with her that i maybe its worth not saying anything and giving it time. This year my SM has started picking on me around my dad and he has either joined in or ignored it. I have voiced that what she says makes me uncomfortable and hurts but my dad says she is teasing and doesn’t mean it to hurt me. Well right now I’m at my ends and I’m scared I’m angry, frustrated at my SM and my dad. Dad was away for work and it was just me and SM at home, she had a party at home with a couple of her friends. I helped set the house up and cook dinner cause dad asked me to help out which was fine. After they ate and just hung out they were hanging out on the porch when I heard SM and her friends talk very loud outside my window while I was in my room. SM friends talked about how lucky SM was to have a nice husband and a house, when they mentioned how nice it was that I cooked for them SM told them that I was annoying and weird and she hated me and living with me and couldn’t wait till I was 18 to kick me out. I was shocked that she hated me that much but I didn’t know why? tbh I thought we were tolerating each other but to hate me I must of done something but I can’t think of what I did I’ve been kinda down since that day which was 2 weeks ago and I thought I was pass the initial feelings but at rugby training today I bursted into tears and my coach sent me home so I drove to a beach and cried I was feel so much I honestly can’t describe my emotions, I eventually fell asleep in my car, now I’m here hoping I can get advice on how to talk to my dad about it, cause I’m scared about how he will react. I don’t want my dad to be sad cause he does so much for me but I’m not strong like him, I’m really struggling. My question is, How can I approach this conversation with my dad about my SM hating me? Or should I tell him at all? TLDR I heard my SM tell her friends she hates me, and I want to tell my dad about it but don’t know how. Edit: someone questioned my dads age and I’m sorry but it was supposed to be 42 but I can’t change it sorry Thank you everyone that provided advice and kind words, It means a lot to me I have read every comment and have an idea on how to approach this situation. Im honestly terrified of the outcome being negative but the encouragements and support are making this a bit easier to deal with. I am going to talk to my dad on Sunday and show him this post, I hope it goes well and I hope all of you stay safe and take care. Edit 2: I’m not sure what I am able to do what I planned cause Amy just took my car keys away and she wants my phone but I won’t give it to her so she is waiting for my dad to take take it off me because apparently I’m doing drugs but I told her I’m not I’ve been at the beach. Im not sure but I just want it to stop cause I can’t handle it I’m sorry [1st UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/user/Unfair_Impact_1400/comments/wjsd0p/update_i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_42m/) Ok so my post was locked but hopefully it’s ok now I’ve posted the link and tried my best with spacing (I’m on mobile) if I can’t post it I give up For all the support and advice received, I really appreciate and wholeheartedly so grateful for all who dm me to see how I was, thank you. This will be long cause a lot has happened but many things are still not resolved. TRIGGER WARNING i will mention self harm, so please if it might trigger you pls don’t read further I wish I was able to say I followed the advice that was provided and now everything is better but some things in life don’t play the way we want it to and we can either let it destroy us or make us better. After writing my edit where my SM was taking my things away and assuming I was on drugs I started recording on my phone and she said a lot through the door, many things about my mom and me, and just plain hateful words that I don’t want to repeat on here. I fell asleep while I was barricading the door with my body when my dad demanded me to open the door, at this point I don’t remember much of what happened but my SM told me I had to leave the house and my dad agreed. I didn’t know who to call but I decided to call my coach and he picked me up, and I was a crying mess. He didn’t ask any question but just told me that I was safe and if I need to talk he was here for me, I stayed over one night when the next day, dad picked me up, SM was not at home when we got there. Dad told me we needed to talk. We had breakfast and my dad spoke to me about many things my SM told him and I couldn’t believe all the lies she told him. It was a long talk but in summary it was: My use of drugs and alcohol How I disrespect her in our home I don’t do my responsibilities like chores at home I’m nasty to her when Dad is not around He asked me why I was acting like this and if I had a problem with SM I should’ve spoke to him. I let him talk and when he was crying and asked if I had anything to say. I was so lost for word I knew whatever I said my dad was on my SM side. So I told him I wanted him to watch the recording of the incident that I can send through as an email attachment and the link to my reddit post and than we can talk more, I also said I didn’t want to be here when he was reading and watching so I’ll go for a drive and he can txt me when he’s done and ready to talk. He was hesitant at first but I told him it was important to me so he agreed and I left in my car to the beach and sent the email with the video attached and the link to my reddit post. I don’t know how long I waited but many thoughts were going through my head, I was missing my mom so much and what if my dad still sided with my SM what can I do now? I fell asleep at the beach spot and was woken up by a police officer knocking on my car door and asking for my name, after confirming my name he advised me to get out my car and to hand over my keys to him and to follow him to his car, he handcuffed me and assured me that I wasn’t in trouble but this was a welfare check cause someone made a call that I was possibly suicidal, I didn’t talk after he told me that and all I remember was just crying. He made me sit in the back of the police car until the ambulance came and they took me to the hospital. I was asked many questions and was evaluated and was told I was depressed and may have extreme anxiety. The physician did say I might have other things but will require further testing and some sessions with a psychiatrist. My dad came and visited me while in hospital and when I saw him he looked really tired. When he spoke it sounded like he was crying and he told me he called the police on me because the video recording I did, he heard everything my SM said but he also saw my cuts on my thighs and was scared and thought the worst. Honestly I never watched the video so I didn’t know my thighs were visible. After our cry we spoke about a few things. I told my dad that I don’t feel comfortable living with SM after everything she said and done to me over the years, and I’m not sure I can handle being around her cause I don’t trust her. We spoke about arrangements and knowing my dad still loves my SM and I didn’t want him to choose between us, i told him that I could talk to Coach if I could stay with him, and after calling him he agreed. I’ve also been admitted to an agency that will support me cause I am mentally unwell. I have been to 1 session and waiting on another evaluation to be done on me and some testings with my GP so they can diagnose me. I’m currently staying with my rugby coach who has been an amazing pillar. He has set out some house rules but I respect the fella and don’t mind following them. My coach even set a date next week for me and dad to catch up on. My coach is an awesome dude, I thought of him as just a coach who just wanted our rugby team to win but when he allowed me to stay over he showed so much care for me and I saw a side to him and understand how much he cares for my team, he has a lovely wife but I’m kinda anxious whenever it’s just me and her at their house. That’s it right now, my dad lives at home with my SM and is trying to sort that out. I have many appointments to get the help I need and alot of school work to catch up on and rugby trainings to attend. I’ve taken a leave of absence from my maccas job. I’m gonna miss going to the beach for a while but I understand that it’s not a forever thing so I hope that the next time I go there I’m not crying my eyes out. Im kinda working on being ok if my dad and SM after those of you who shared your similar experiences, some day I’ll be ok. Thank you all who advised me and encouraged me. Those who reached out through DM, thank you for the kind words and reaching out. I’m not sure if I’ll update again but maybe I’ll let you know if something happens in the future. Take care everyone, also be kind to one another and most of all be kind to yourself cause you deserve it TLDR i showed my dad my reddit post and recording of my SM being verbally abusive and now I’m staying at my coaches house trying to sort out my mental health [2nd Update I (17m) don’t know how to tell my dad (42m) that my step mom (37f) hates me](https://www.reddit.com/user/Unfair_Impact_1400/comments/x6rp30/last_update_i_17m_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad/) Hope everyone has been doing well. I wasn’t going to update at all but many who reached out shared there stories and kind words it truely helped me. I wish I was able to reply but so many things were happening and I’m sorry. This will be a long one but it’s because this will be the last time I hope. In my last post my coach sorted out time for me and my dad to catch up weekly I have met up with my dad twice and this is how it went First catch up at the beach We spoke and I told him alot about what happened between me and his wife. I mention how she would treated me when he wasn’t there, what she spoke to me after they got married and how she was awful to live with. I told him how I dealt with it for his sake cause I wanted him to be happy. I mentioned to him that I spoke with coach about staying there until I go to university and than I’ll move away cause I cannot live with his wife anymore cause I’m not sure what ill do. I’m never going to try and get along with her anymore. He listened and was crying and asked if I would ever get over this. I told him no and I never wanted to see his wife and walked off cause I was pissed off at what he said and drove back to the coaches house. He messaged me later I was acted like a kid, and I responded Cause I am a kid. 2nd Catch up Dinner at the coaches house Second catch up my coach invited my dad to have dinner and hang with me (my coach has a pool table in his man cave and a pool) I was excited to hang and catch up with my dad even after our last meet up cause I was feeling a bit better, but at the same time I was feeling anxious about the meet up like I had a bad gut feeling, but I ignored it. Dinner went great and me, dad and coach had fun playing pool, later on that night coach gave us space to talk. Dad talked about my mom and me as a kid, just things he would tell me when I was a kid and it was just me and him, it was fun and I really enjoyed our time together. When it was time to go home I offered to drop him off since he drank but he said his wife was here to pick him up so I hugged him and he went I kinda stayed in the garage and waited for her to leave so I could walk in the house but I heard her say “How’s the little shit?” And I bolted out the door and told her to fuck off, boy was I not ready for the slap my dad gave me but all I remember was swinging a punch at him and knocking him down and my coach pulling me off my dad. My coach told my dad and his wife to leave. After they left I told my coach I never wanted to see him again and txted my dad we were done. It doesn’t end there. Last week I planned to not go to school on Friday and go for a drive up the line with a few team mates to just get away from everything, they ended up bailing so I went by myself. I ended up driving to a lake and parking up and just chilling for the school day and just drive back home later on. When I got home at my coaches house I saw my dads car parked in the driveway and thought I would have to square up with my dad. When I parked up my dad ran out the house and looked like shit, he looked like he cried for days and he started hitting my car screaming to get out the car and tell him where I was the whole day. I thought he was mad that I wagged school so he ripped the door open and hugged me so hard and cried, I had no idea what was happening or what he was saying but all could understand was I’m sorry and I love you. After what felt like forever he kinda calmed me down and I asked him why was he here, and than he told me there was an accident with a kid getting hit by a train, and it clicked my dad thought it was me. He said when he heard the news he called the school and they said I was a no show and called everyone he could think of, my mates said I went for a drive somewhere but didn’t know where and my dad said he lost it. He calmed down eventually and said he would divorce his wife if I wanted him to but I told him, he needed to choose that for himself cause the reason I stayed quiet was to make him happy, if he is unhappy to make a choice for himself cause I don’t want to be the reason he is unhappy and that now I have to look after myself and that is getting away from her and he cried and just said more sorry’s. He ended up sleeping over in the same room as me that night and the night after cause I think he was scared and just trying to deal, I was ok with it and coached allowed it He left after the weekend to sort himself out back at his home. I told him that where I am is good for me and to not worry and that I’ll turn off Do Not Disturb on my phone so I could see txts. That’s pretty much it really, I don’t know what my dad is going to decide to do with his wife but I am definitely not ever going to associate with her, ever in the foreseeable future. I love my dad too much to stop seeing him but he knows my boundaries since I’ve set them out clear as day and he knows as much as I love him I will cut him off if I feel like it’s not for me. I’m moving pass what happened between me and my dads wife for me cause I’m tired of letting her beat me in my mind so I just gotta work on me. I’m currently happy staying with my coach and his wife, they have been amazing and have shown me so much love. They have awesome kids who I have met and they have invited me to they family Christmas. I feel bad that I feel anxious when I’m around coaches wife but I’m working on it with my therapist and I have a good support system. I know I want to go to University but not sure if I want to study Commerce or Law, but I know i am on track with my studies, I just can’t afford to skip anymore school. Thank you to everyone who sent messages of support and reached out to share your experiences. Y’all gave me the strength to believe I could get out of this mess and be ok. And if you ever feel down that there is help out there for you no matter where you are in life. I’m glad I shared on Reddit cause I’ve learnt so much about me and many things I won’t forget and teach to my kids. Now I gotta go school Take care and cheers 🔴🔴🔴 *OOP posted in mom for a minute on Sept 27, '22 about turning 18 (can't repost from this sub)* [Dec 2nd r/TrueOffMyChest](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/zago6t/i_hate_that_my_current_reality_is_that_i_dont/) I hate that my current reality is that I don’t have people I can rely on right now in my life I am trying to do the best to survive and better my current situation. I’ve had so much happen to me this year and I feel like I can’t afford to take time for me, to catch a break or else I’ll lose what I currently have which is not much. I know I’m young and have so much to look forward to but it’s hard, like so hard to want to carry on when so much shit is going wrong. I’m trying to find a place to stay even a flatmate situation to be more independent but I can barely afford anything. My job offered me a better paying position at the expense of full time bourse and even though I would love more money that means I will have to give up my dream to go university. I know many people have had worse situations and honestly I don’t know how they found the will and help they got. It really feels like the world just hates me and I know I’m feeling sorry for myself but I honestly giving up hope *Deleted, Dec 6th in momforaminute* What can I get the family I’m staying with for Christmas? [Dec 28th in r/advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/zxsz1z/i_18m_feel_indifferent_about_catching_up_with_my/) I (18m) feel indifferent about catching up with my Dad (42m) I (18m) have a strained relationship with my Dad (42m) . A lot has happened this year between us and it really ruined our relationship. He was my best friend, would be there for my rugby matches and push me to do my best. Earlier this year I had a fall out with my step mom and my dad which caused me to move out of my home and in with my Coach (37m) who I call uncle; I have been here ever since. We did try to mend our relationship but harsh words were exchanged and I stopped reaching out and focused on passing my exams. I have worked hard on myself by working at my job and helping out at the place I’m staying. I have made some sort of peace about my situation and focusing on my future. Now my dad reached out last night to meet up with him to hang and we planned it for next year on the 4th of Jan, I agreed and that was that. My uncle talked to me about what me and my dad spoke about, he is kinda worried about my feelings about meeting my dad because of my feelings towards the day. I explained the best I could, is that I just feel indifferent about my dad right now. I am not excited nor scared about this meeting, I just see it as a date I’ll be seeing him and that’s it. Whether we meet up or not I’m not bothered by it at all. My uncle and his wife care a lot and have done so much for me so I care about what they say. They think I should have a reason to meet up with him since I haven’t spoken to him in a while and worried I could get hurt. Should I have a different mindset towards the catch up with my dad? TLDR: Dad planned a catch up next year for me and him, we had a fall out so my uncle thinks that I should be feeling something but I feel indifferent. *A commenter asks how it went* [Reply on Jan 31, 23](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/zxsz1z/comment/j6pnfgm/) Ok this reply took a while because I wasn’t ready to share but I’m ok for now. My dad turned up with SM and told me that they were having a kid, I congratulated them and we spent time talking about my future and dad telling me he can pay for my university studies as long as I keep my grades up. We spoke about a lot and than we said our goodbyes and I left. I wasn’t able to drive home cause I started crying and had to call my uncle to come pick me up. It’s been a few weeks since the meeting and now I’m not sure about my feelings about everything but focusing on getting ready for uni so I’m working alot more. My uncle and me are planning to go check out his other house that was affected by floods so that’s something to look forward too cause I need a change of scenery. Thanks for checking on me it means alot >You'll do well OP. Go out there and be successful for yourself. Your uncle and wife are really a gem. Thats a couple you need to return the favour or love one day. So hv you decided what major you will do in uni? OP: Most definitely. They are honestly the best support I have and I am forever grateful to them both for sharing their home, family and love. Sometimes I wonder why they do it and they always remind me it’s cause they care and love me which means a lot. For uni I am going for a Bachelors in Commerce, majoring in Commercial Law and Accounting. Very excited about it and looking forward to it. It will take some years but that’s ok for me right now *The father is not leaving the stepmom and OOP is working to move forward. I'm flairing this concluded* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/126ir23/i_dont_know_how_to_tell_my_dad_that_my_step_mom/

126ir23

My Coworker Who Misgenders Me Found My Deadname And Told Everyone

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/appulfox in r/TrueOffMyChest on Mar 21, '23, updated March 23rd. Trigger Warning: >!Transphobia, bullying in the workplace!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11xheme/my_coworker_who_misgenders_me_found_my_deadname/) My Coworker Who Misgenders Me Found My Deadname And Told Everyone So I [24m] just found out some uncomfortable information. So, a while ago, I talked about the lady who had been misgendering me at my job, and she still has been misgendering me, but I've kind of just been putting up with it and ignoring her. Come today, and this really nice pregnant lady that I work with, comes to me at the end of my shift and whispers to me if I'm okay with Ebony (the transphobic coworker) misgendering me and using my dead name. My heart dropped down to my chest because I knew Ebony was misgendering me, but I didn't know she was using my dead name, let alone even knew what it was. Everyone pretty much calls me Leo. I've only told one person my dead name, and he hates Ebony. The only way that she could have known my dead name is if she was looking over my shoulder while I clock in, or some other way. Either way, that was an invasion of privacy. I asked the pregnant lady what did she mean by Ebony has been using my dead name, and she tells me that apparently, Ebony had been talking behind my back and had said, "Oh yea, I saw her REAL NAME," and kept saying it and telling the people she was talking to what my dead name was. Not only that, but the other day when I was working, I'd thought that I'd heard her call me by my dead name, but I couldn't tell because I'd only caught a little bit of what she said since I have audio processing issues and she was not fully within earshot. Now I know for a fact that she had. I ended up going to my boss about this, since he's always been respectful of me and he's going to talk to Ebony. But I'm just so upset and so hurt because who would do this? I've been nothing but nice to her, and I've only tried to be polite to her and she's only been nasty towards me going so far as to tell people private information about myself. Information that I haven't told anybody and that she has no right to tell people. She has no right telling other people's business. And the fact that I had to hear this from somebody else tells me that she knows what she's doing is wrong. If she continues to do this after my boss talks to her, I'm escalating it to HR, I'm not going to tolerate disrespect like this. EDIT: to clarify the company is UPS, I'm a package handler. All I do when I work there is listen to my music/podcasts and load/unload packages. occasional I engage in conversation with coworkers, but that's a select few, most days I work in silence. she has no viable reason to be harassing me EDIT 2: someone in the comments was trying to kind of start a bit of a race war so I just want to reiterate that both me and Ebony are black. race has nothing to do with this situation, she's literally just being a bigot. And even if I wasn't trans, this would still be an invasion of privacy. I don't know her like that, why is she trying so hard to get into my business? EDIT 3 (imsosorry): For those of you that have only something negative to say.... mm I don't care, you're objectively wrong, and I'm not open for discussion about WHY my coworker is terribly in the wrong. And yes my mother and whole family supports me. My dead name is just as dead to them as it is to me and my mother has my current name tattooed onto her. catch this block and argue with the wall :D *OP posts a picture of himself to his profile* EDIT 4: for those wondering if I even pass. I do. I've been happily on testosterone for 2+ years. my voice is decently deep and masculine, I have visible facial hair, and I dress in very baggy clothes. I very much LOOK male. [My Face](https://www.reddit.com/user/appulfox/comments/11yjsuo/in_reference_to_my_trueofmychest_post_this_is/) *In the comments:* I agree that I shouldn't have to tolerate this, but I don't really want to escalate it to HR unless she continues to do it after being talked to by my boss. I believe that people can change and, aside from being a nasty transphobe, for the most part she tends to be nice, except to me. I just don't want to cause somebody to lose their job just because of my own comfort As soon as I found out I went straight to my boss and he said he would take care of it. I'm letting him do that, he's always been respectful of me so I'm trusting him with that. if she continues to misgender me and spread my dead name, then I'll take it to HR All I do when I go to work is work. most of the time I don't really even talk to anyone, I just do my job and go. if somebody misgenders me I usually politely correct them and they usually end up quickly apologizing and we both go on about our day. The only reason people at work tend to misgender me anyway is because of the fact that she misgenders me. I literally look like a cisgender male. I have a mustache and a beard, the only thing that really gives me away is my chest area since I'm heavy-chested and I sometimes don't wear my binder to work since I sweat. I've asked her two different times very politely if she could stop calling me a girl. she's turned it into an argument both times so I've just put up with it for months. and then she goes and somehow finds my dead name and spreads it around to people. The private information that I never told anyone. I literally only asked for basic respect. >Why don’t you ask her if you can have a chat. Let her know how her behavior makes you feel and that you would like to have a civil work relationship. OP: I've tried. The first time I tried talking and she made it a fight, the second time, I expressed that it makes me uncomfortable and that I'd like my identity to be respected and for things to be civil, and she treated that like a problem too. She's also bad mouthed trans ppl outside of just me before. She doesn't like trans ppl, so she doesn't like me >Why not just legally change your name? Wouldn't it be easier than having to explain to everyone why your name is different? OP: that costs money that I currently do not have at the moment. it's not that easy, it's a very extensive process with a LOT of paperwork. >Do they not have an option to allow you to use a "preferred name"? OP: yea! on all of my documentation except my W2s and the clock in screen, they have "Leo [Last Name]" put in. >What is a dead name? I'm guessing it's your old name before you transformed? OP: "Before you transformed" pls that's the best phrasing, imma start calling myself a transformer, specifically a decepticon 💀💀 A dead name is the name that a trans person was given at birth. a lot of time, trans ppl change their first name, first socially, then legally. **Update:** My manager is reporting this to HR. I have realized that, in most places, this would absolutely be grounds for termination. there's also the fact that she has potentially put me in danger and as a target for even more discrimination by outing me and my dead name. I very much visibly pass as a man since my voice is fairly deep and I have a mustache and beard, so there is no reason she should be doing this and people at my job are constantly confused when she refers to me by the wrong pronouns. I am not the only person who sees this as a problem *In a comment:* This is the message I got from my manager "Report ID is [REDACTED] They advised, I will hear from someone from UPS in the next 3-4 days and the full HR investigation may take 30 days." [2nd Update 2 days later](https://www.reddit.com/user/appulfox/comments/11zkqc6/transphobic_coworker_update/) *A transcript of the text between OOP and his coworker (scroll to the 🔴 to skip the transcript):* >Hi it's Leo! can you guys send me y'all's experiences with ebony in one or a few messages? >as well as her history of transphobia? >>She butted into a Convo I was having that I wasn't even with her about trans suicide, and she just butts in saying she said they should commit suicide cause "They are an affront to God" >>She then went on a tangent about the entire community basically also throwing me in and made very clear people like me and you that should just not exist >>Safe to say she isn't a very kind person after all, soon as the attention turns to trans and queer people then it gets nasty and "insult Gods plan" >>It sucks cause I thought she was cool, but now I can't even look her in the eye without feeling like she's burning a hole into my skull, if you don't like us keep it to yourself. This is work, not a church 🔴 So I'd been getting a lot of comments about wanting an update if anything happens so, here's that update! I wanted to update on the original post, but it was already atrociously long, so I linked this one to the OG. Before I start, WOW I was NOT expecting my post(s) to blow up the way it did. Honestly had to turn my notifications off ;;7;; I'm not equipped for that kind of attention. Thank you to everyone who gave me helpful advice! Onto the update! So my manager texted me stating that a person from UPS security would be contacting me to schedule a time to discuss things and give my statement. When the person contacted me, I let her know when I'd be available. My manager then stated that he'd need to see me after sort (my shift) so I could grab some forms. During break, I waved over the nice pregnant lady (we'll call her A) and the coworker whom I had trusted with my deadname (we'll call him T). I'd asked them if they could give me their numbers so they could each detail their own experiences with Ebony. below is a screenshot of T's statement. Afterwards, I finished my shift and met with my manager who informed me that T had given a statement of his own experiences with Ebony. I'll admit, I was super super nervous. I HATE conflict, and any time I have dish out consequences, I end up feeling guilty no matter how much the other person deserves it (trauma is a powerful thing). My manager then sat me down, read me the policy review, and explained that me, him, the UPS security person, and a union steward would sit down with me and take my statement. Funnily enough, my boss mentioned that, usually Ebony would be the person they'd have as the union steward, but he understood that, with this situation, it would be "grossly inappropriate" (his words). He must've noticed have stressed and antsy I was, because he then highlighted that, he feels that this shouldn't backfire on me since no one has ever come to him with problems about me. He mentioned how he respected the fact that I came to talk to him about this. I then mentioned how this situation made me extremely nervous and he said that I don't need to be. He mentioned how mine and T's statements about Ebony's behavior lines up with past issues he's had with her (outside of being transphobic, she's very confrontational, a gossip, and tends to be very VERY petty). He also said that I'm not doing anything wrong and that, whatever happens with her is NOT my fault and that I'm not responsible for her actions. He said he wants to have a safe environment for his employees and to come to him if problems arise from others. I was then given the paper to write my statement on and the policy review to sign and give to him tomorrow. I'll be honest.. I'm terrified. I've never done this before. Reported someone to HR, that is. Verifiably, I am somewhat of a doormat sometimes, and my loved ones tell me that I'm too nice or forgiving (my partner explicitly stating that it took both my mom and him to convince me to escalate this to HR instead of just leaving it at my boss, solely because I just didn't want to be the reason that she possibly loses her job). All of this being said, I feel some form of confidence as well. My manager told me, before I left his office, that he's proud of me for standing up and advocating for myself. I think I'm proud of me, too, but still scared shitless of the outcome. I'll update with whatever happens! *If you'd like to leave some love and support for our OOP, please do so in the comments here, not on the original post. I will let him know i have shared his story here.* **Reminders: This sub does not tolerate homophobia, transphobia or bigotry. DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/126qb3x/my_coworker_who_misgenders_me_found_my_deadname/

126qb3x

I (35m) was incarcerated and lost touch with (33f). It’s been over ten years. Would it be wrong to contact her?

NEW UPDATE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA9478385939 in r/relationship_advice** Latest update marked with 🔴🔴🔴 below for anyone who has read the first 2 posts already. --- &nbsp; [**I (35m) was incarcerated and lost touch with (33f). It’s been over ten years. Would it be wrong to contact her?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA9478385939/comments/10m65ze/i_35m_was_incarcerated_and_lost_touch_with_33f/) - January 26th, 2023 Sorry for any mistakes. English is not my first language. When I was a university student, I fell in love with Daria (not her real name, obviously). She was the little sister of my best friend, so I considered her off-limits, but my crush on her persisted and grew. She’s one of those beautiful, brilliant people who is alive and breathing to make the world a better place—how could I not be drawn to that? One day, she told me she had feelings for me. And to my relief, my best friend didn’t have a problem with me dating his sister, either. So for two wonderful years, Daria was my girlfriend. I should have asked her to marry me. I don’t know why I didn’t. I suppose I thought I had all the time in the world. We were young and there was no need to rush things. We lived in a country that isn’t exactly democratic, and we were political activists. I ended up getting arrested and going to prison for nine years. (Please don’t think I’m some kind of monster for this. I don’t want to go into detail in case it makes me identifiable somehow, but we didn’t hurt anyone or do anything immoral. What we did is not even illegal in the country where I currently live, and our beliefs were far from extremist.) I haven’t seen or spoken to Daria since the day I got arrested. My best friend died shortly after, and Daria left the country, partly due to the possibility that she’d be arrested too. There wasn’t any way for her to contact me while I was in prison, though apparently she contacted my dad a few times in the beginning. Things got even worse in our country while I was incarcerated, so my dad and I emigrated when I was released. We’ve been living in Western Europe ever since, and life is pretty okay. I live with my dad, and I have a steady (if shitty) job. Months ago, I found Daria online. She lives in a neighbouring country, seven hours away by rail. She doesn’t use social media too much, but from what I’ve seen there’s no evidence of a partner or kids. And even if she’s married, I’d be content just to be her friend, as I was for the first years we knew each other. Part of me desperately wants to reach out to her, and my dad has been encouraging me to do so, but I feel like it’d be too selfish. The circumstances of her brother’s death were very traumatic for her and I’m afraid that I’m just a living reminder of all the bad things that happened to us. And if she does have a partner, would my contacting her offend him and trouble their relationship? I don’t want to cause her any more sadness. Time stood still for me while I was in prison, but I know it didn’t for her or anyone else. She’s done so well for herself, she’s built a whole life, and I don’t want to derail that life just because I feel entitled to a place in it. She might not even remember me at all. And even if she did invite me back into her life, I’d be nothing but a burden now, owing to my wrecked mental health. We’ve been apart twice as long as I knew her. Have I even the right to miss her as much as I do? For now I’ve contented myself with googling her name every so often and seeing that she’s okay. It just hurts a lot, and I don’t know how to make it not hurt. I still love her with everything I have. I probably always will. Should I reach out to her, or leave her alone? If I do contact her, what should I even say? TLDR: Unsure whether I should contact my old girlfriend now that I’m free from prison. &nbsp; [**(Update) I (35m) was incarcerated and lost touch with (33f). I contacted her, and she responded.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10lqf48/update_i_35m_was_incarcerated_and_lost_touch_with/) - January 27th, 2023 Previous post is [here](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA9478385939/comments/10m65ze/i_35m_was_incarcerated_and_lost_touch_with_33f/). The short version is that I was wondering whether I should try to contact my former girlfriend after I went to prison for a long time. The consensus was that I should, and people gave very good advice on how to do that. First, I want to say thank you to everyone who offered advice or kind words. I had spent so long feeling ashamed about my situation, and expecting most people to react very negatively if they knew. I had barely discussed it with anyone before, except my dad and people whose job it is to help me (lawyers, therapist, etc.), and I was very surprised to be met with so much compassion from a bunch of complete strangers. Thank you, truly. Several people asked for an update, and that’s the least I can do in return. I sent Daria a message the evening after I made my post. It was something like: «I don’t mean to intrude, but I wanted to say hello and thought I would give you my new contact information in case you ever felt like getting in touch. If not, that’s completely fine too.» I left her my mobile number and email address, wished her well, and that was that. I knew it might be a while before she responded, if she responded at all. So I tried to put it out of my mind. Early monday morning, my phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number from the country where Daria lives. Who else would ever be calling me from there? I panicked a little bit, but I managed to answer in time. She asked a few times if it was really me, and I couldn’t tell if she was laughing or crying. At first she called me by the very affectionate version of my name she used to. But then she quickly apologised and corrected herself, which broke my heart a little bit. It was an awkward phone call, but not in a bad way. I was extremely nervous, and it seemed like she was too. But happy, also. Some of you mentioned that Daria would want to know that I was safe, and this was more true than I could have guessed. Because unrest in my country increased a lot during the last year I was in prison, she was afraid that they would decide to quietly kill me rather than let me go. There are documented cases of other prisoners like me having met very suspicious ends in the months before my release, so it wasn’t a totally unreasonable worry. She also said she repeatedly tried to send me parcels of supplies and put money on my commissary account, but her attempts were rejected without explanation. After my sentencing, I was not allowed to receive correspondence or to have a commissary account at all, because of the classification of my crimes, so she was forced to give up. She told me this as an apology, as if I would have been disappointed with her for not helping me more. I had no idea she had done any of that. I do know that it was not a safe thing for her to do, and I feel terrible that she put herself at risk trying to make me a little more comfortable. She didn’t seem to want to talk about what happened any more than that, and so we didn’t. We changed the subject to more lighthearted things: our jobs, the cities where we live, how my dad is adapting to a new country, etc. When she arrived at work and had to end the phone call, she asked if I wanted to continue talking through a messaging app. Obviously I said yes, and downloaded it immediately. We sent messages throughout the day, and she even interrupted her commute home to send me a picture of a restaurant modelled after one of my favourite books, just because she thought I would like it. She told me that she thought of me every time she saw it, but unfortunately the restaurant itself was not so good. I was afraid she wouldn’t remember me, but she even remembers the things I liked to read? She remembers a lot of little things, even stuff I forgot. We have been sending messages back and forth ever since, and talking on the phone after I finish work at night, until she gets too sleepy. Sometimes it feels like I’m 24 and she’s texting me from a few blocks away, as if the next thing she might ask is what’s for dinner. Other times it seems like we’re trying to will dead versions of ourselves back to life in order to avoid acknowledging what we’ve lost. She seems a lot more timid than she used to, more passive, which I suppose makes sense. Sometimes I worry about how much I’ve changed, and that maybe she won’t find anything left in me that’s worthy of her. But if I could express in words what it feels like to hear her laugh, I could explain that there’s also a lot that we know very well. She hasn’t lost her kindness, or her warmth, or her empathy. She still cares about me, and I still care about her. I know that rebuilding a friendship after all that’s happened will take lots of patience, and I have plenty to spare. I’m just happy to have the chance to get to know her again. This morning, Daria asked if I want to have a video call sometime this weekend. I agreed, but I’m ashamed to admit that as much as I want to see her, I’m very nervous. I look so different than she would remember. My jaw is messed up, and I have the teeth of a hockey player. (Fortunately, I will qualify for healthcare insurance soon and be able to have it fixed.) I lost weight that I haven’t put back on, and I see an old man in the mirror. I’m also worried that I will get very emotional when I see her, and embarrass myself that way. I don’t really cry in front of people. I’m not used to it, and this doesn’t seem like a good occasion to start. Aside from not wanting to appear pitiful, I don’t want her to feel forced to comfort me. If anyone has some advice on how to handle this, it would be much appreciated. Overall, this week could not have gone better, and I am extremely grateful to everyone who gave me the little push of courage I needed to send her that message. A thousand times, thank you. TL;DR: I sent a message to my former partner, she was thrilled to receive it, and we have been happily getting to know each other once again. Edit: Just to clarify, she doesn’t have a husband or kids. As I said in my first post, I only considered contacting her because there was no evidence of a partner on her social media. But I understand that my first post wasn’t visible for a while, so I can see why that may not have been obvious. Sorry for the confusion. &nbsp; 🔴🔴🔴 [**Update 2**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRA9478385939/comments/11zg9al/update_2/) - March 23rd, 2023 I’ve had a lot of people ask for an update, so here it is. The last two months have gone by very fast. I told Daria that I was nervous about the video call, and she insisted on having it right away so that I could get it over with and stop worrying. Seeing her made everything feel real in a way it hadn’t before. She still looks like herself, or even more beautiful, different only in the sense that she is fully an adult now. The place she lives is very different from our home country, with a distinct culture to which she has assimilated. That she had time to adapt and feel completely at home in this place broke the illusion that no time had passed. In hindsight, that was probably the real reason I had been so nervous—because I could no longer occasionally forget myself and pretend that nothing had changed. The hardest part was not being able to reach through the screen and put my arms around her. Sitting there and watching someone you love cry, from a distance, is not easy. I barely noticed that I was crying too. She didn’t seem surprised at my appearance, but she did eventually look me over and ask if the food was shit where I lived. I explained about my jaw, and that I’m getting it fixed (less dental work is required than I thought, but I need a surgery). Her response was to ask for my address and order groceries to be delivered, including a lot of soft snacks that are easy to eat, and these meal substitution drinks that are actually tasty. She’s sent them every week since, even though I tell her it’s not necessary. When I wanted to pay her back, she laughed at me and said she owed me a lot of food, because I had kept her from starving to death in university. I loved being able to cook for her, and I suppose it makes her just as happy to feed me now. We talk every day, and have made video calls a regular habit. It does me so much good just to see her face, and the awkwardness is mostly gone now. It’s easy to talk to her. Last night, she brought her computer into the kitchen and talked to me while doing the washing up. It’s amazing how mundane things like that can make me feel normal, and at home, in ways I forgot I could. I never thought I’d be that stupidly happy to see someone washing coffee cups. I’m beginning to think that the idea of home as a physical place is a misconception. She likes to send photos, to show me where she lives, what her life is like now. She was curious about how things are the same or different here. I didn’t want to admit that I don’t have much of a life to share back. Going places just didn’t seem worth the effort. She is, though. At first it was very small things. She would send a picture of a pastry she’d bought at a cafe, saying that she thinks her city has better pastries than mine. I would go out and get one so I could send her a photo too. Then it was beer, which city has better parks, interesting architecture, a department store, and so on. I figured out quickly that she was trying to coax me into going out more, but I played along to make her happy. I’ve seen more of my city in the past month than the entire time I’ve lived here before. I’ve been to the art museum, and finally joined my colleagues for a beer. Usually, I go places for short durations at the less crowded times, but I’m still going, which is something. Daria used to be very sociable, so I thought that whatever happened, at least she wouldn’t be lonely. I was wrong. There is a lot she could never tell her friends, because they can’t relate. They would feel sorry for her and cease to be equals, she says. Our experiences are different, but we are more able to understand each other than other people could. And despite her own burden, she has quietly picked up half the weight from my shoulders without ever being asked to. I am in awe of her, simply for being the kind of person who would. For women’s day I sent her some orchids, and she was very happy that I remembered her favourite flower. The things I can do to make her smile are so small, and she deserves so much more than I know how to give her. But I would do anything for this woman, and I am learning. There are protests happening where she is, with riot police and tear gas. Whenever this happens, she feels nervous and has difficulty sleeping. Now, at least, I can stay on the phone with her at night so she’s not alone. Aside from the anxiety, there is also a sense of nostalgia. She talks about when that was us, making noise in the street. I’m glad she has good memories too, and doesn’t have to be alone with them anymore. Finally, the reason I am updating now: she is coming to visit. We were talking last night and I mentioned that a church near me has special windows designed by an artist she loves, and I was thinking about going to see them eventually. She said it would be unfair of me to go without her, so I invited her to come with me. And then somehow it turned from vague future plans to being scheduled for next saturday. She was going to come for the day, but I told her it was silly to travel so far to stay for such a short time, and suggested she stay the entire weekend. So she will be here from friday until sunday. I haven’t really had time to be nervous yet, but I’m sure I will. Thank you again to everyone who has given advice or encouragement. It is very much appreciated. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/126wvxe/i_35m_was_incarcerated_and_lost_touch_with_33f/

126wvxe

AITA for not reimbursing my nanny for books she bought for my daughter?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/forresster7](https://www.reddit.com/user/forresster7/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. Because this concerns Star Trek: The Next Generation, I thought I'd share some facts about the show to cover up spoilers! Apparently Gene Roddenberry (creator of Star Trek) did *not* like the idea of a bald, English captain. However, after many auditions, executive producer Rick Berman kept bringing up Sir Patrick Stewart and Roddenberry finally caved, on the condition Stewart wear a wig in the audition. He did, got the role, and then never actually wore the wig in the series. **Mood Spoiler:** >!This story is fairly low stakes!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1203nq3/aita_for_not_reimbursing_my_nanny_for_books_she/)**: March 23, 2023** My daughter, Ruby, is 12. Recently, she has gotten into the original Star Trek show, as well as the Next Generation. Ruby is also a big reader and has started to collect a few of the old Star Trek books that she finds in used bookstores and thrift stores. These books usually cost anywhere from 50 cents to a couple of dollars. My nanny, Tessa (f22), hangs out with Ruby most days after she gets out of school. Tessa has been our nanny for over a year now and she and Ruby get along great. Tessa is big into to thrifting and will often keep an eye out for the books Ruby wants. This is not typically a problem and Ruby always pays Tessa back for the books using her allowance. The problem occurred when Tessa went on a family vacation out west. Apparently she went thrifting during this trip and found some books for Ruby. She texted Ruby asking her if she wanted the books and Ruby said yes. Well Tessa returned yesterday with a stack of about 35 books and told Ruby they cost $50. Ruby doesn't have this much money and told Tessa. Tessa then asked me if I would cover the cost. I said no as Tessa had never asked me about buying Ruby the books, nor was I aware of the conversation between the two of them. Tessa got upset and I asked Ruby to show me the text which made no mention of price, or even the amount of books she was buying. Tessa only said that she found "some" books for Ruby. Ruby is on the autism spectrum and does not read between the lines. You have to be very literal with her. Previously, Tessa has never bought Ruby more than one or two books at a time, so I told her that she should have clarified with Ruby regarding the amount, or double checked with me before purchasing, and that I would not be paying the $50. Tessa said she could not return the books because they came from the thrift store. I stood firm in my decision and reiterated that she should have asked me first. Tessa left and Ruby is very upset. I know Tessa is a student and does not have a ton of money so am I the asshole for not paying Tessa for the books? EDIT: Because some people are asking- I am a single parent to Ruby and while $50 dollars will not make or break the bank, it is definitely an unexpected expense. I provide Tessa with an extra amount of money each month to spend on whatever she wants to do with Ruby (movies, the mall, etc). If she wanted to spend this fund on books for Ruby, that would have been totally fine- but she had already used it up. EDIT 2: I definitely didn't expect this post to blow up overnight, so I'm going to add a bit more context. For those of you who are asking how I can afford a nanny for Ruby and still have $50 be a large unexpected expense- I do not pay for Tessa's services. Because Ruby is on the spectrum, she is entitled to benefits from our state, including care. The agency I work with pays Tessa. I am not involved in that process at all. ***There are a lot of conflicting opinions, but ultimately OOP is judged YTA because of the top judgement comment. However, many people disagree.*** **Update (Same Post): March 24, 2023 (next day)** UPDATE: I appreciate everyone's valuable insights into the situation. I have seen a few comments hinting to me about the fact that I don't support my daughter's reading habit. Please know this is DEFINITELY not the case. We are both big readers and frequent patrons of our local library. I am always supportive of Ruby getting new books. I talked to Tessa and told her that I appreciate her for thinking of Ruby, apologized for the misunderstanding, and have paid her for the books. We had a chat about expectations in the future and I don't think this will happen again. I have also talked to Ruby and we agreed that I would hold onto the books and she would pay me for them as she wishes. It's important to me that Ruby learns how to handle her finances appropriately, and we have decided that she will get two new books every week (she reads very quickly). After reading through your perspectives on the matter, I agree that it is better in the long run to lose the money and salvage the relationship between the three of us, and had not considered all the implications of doing otherwise. Lesson learned!

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/127a6nl/aita_for_not_reimbursing_my_nanny_for_books_she/

127a6nl

My (21F) boyfriend (21M) is getting too comfortable

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**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/JazzyFin **My (21F) boyfriend (21M) is getting too comfortable** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **Trigger warning:** >!verbal and emotional abuse, mention of sexual assualt and harassment!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/10oba09/my_21f_boyfriend_21m_is_getting_too_comfortable/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Jan 29, 2023 Me and my bf have been together for almost 3 years, and living together for almost 2. I'm at university and work as a manager, and he has a full time job at around 30-40 hours a week. At the start it was your stereotypical happy and progressive relationship - he'd get me flowers, make me coffee in the mornings, I'd cook his favourite meals if he had a bad day, and we would go on dates. Our friends used us as a template for the perfect relationship since we knew how to communicate and anything that almost became a fight was resolved within the day. We were both on the exact same wavelength with everything. In the past year, it's become really difficult to have good communication. I've kept doing what we've always done, and brought up anything bothering me and how we can resolve it, but he's started making empty promises. For example, my university semester started and I got a promotion at work, so I asked him if we could shuffle the house chores a bit since I was doing way more hours. He said "yeah of course" and did the normal hug and kiss, but nothing changed. If I bring it up again, he just brushes it off as "yeah I'll do it later" but he doesn't. I thought he might've been struggling with something that he didn't want to tell me about, so I gave him more leeway and just asked for a little bit of help here and there (so I would make dinner and just ask that he unloads the dishwasher afterwards), but he would do the same thing - agree but pretend i hadn't asked. The final straw for me was a couple days ago. We were getting a bunch of furniture moved to our house and my parents were helping us at 10am. I told my bf this and he said that's completely fine, but he's already agreed to go clubbing with our friends. I said that's fine as long as he helps me clear out the living room for the new furniture before he leaves. He says that his friends want to have a house party until 6, and I say we can't be out that late but we can stay out until 3. He says thats fine. I hadn't been on a night out in ages, so they invited me along. I had just got a new dress and I was really excited to go out! I got my dress and makeup ready and told my bf that we had to start moving furniture now if it was gonna be ready in the morning. He said sure, give him a minute to finish a fight in his video game. I started moving things and ngl really struggled with the heavy stuff, so I reminded him to help me move things. He tells me to wait. Two hours go by with me struggling to lift couches and he jumps into the room, dressed up and ready to leave. He quickly tells me that he's ordered a taxi and is leaving soon. I ask what about moving the furniture? He just shrugs. I say that I can't go on a night out without moving this stuff first. He just brushes it off. I remind him to at least be back by 4am so that he won't be super hungover while helping in the morning. Long story short, I had to stay home and move the furniture so we would have room in the morning. He still went out without me. I was done by about 1am, and woke up at about 7 and he still wasn't home. He answered and told me he was at the house party, but he'll be home soon. He got home exactly 10 minutes before my parents arrived. In short, he promised he would be home by 3 but came home at 10am, made me stay home alone to sort the furniture, AND when the furniture was finally in the house he refused to help me move any of it again. This happens constantly. If he promises to make dinner, I end up making myself a sandwich at midnight because he didn't do it. If he promises to wash our clothes, he only washes clothes that HE is going to wear the next day. He promises to buy me flowers again, but it's been almost a year since he has. I brought this up to him yesterday night, saying that I didn't feel loved, and felt used since I do everything. He again had the conversation saying he knows he's made mistakes, and he'll do anything to help me feel loved. I asked one thing - help me in the morning with chores. He promised. Guess what happened? I, of course, ended up doing all of them myself. I'm getting so fed up of mothering him and forgiving him continuously, and this is the first time in 3 years I've actually thought about leaving. I know that I won't because I really do love him and his family, but nothing I do can get through to him. TL;DR My bf refuses to do chores or anything romantic, and breaks his promises when I talk to him about it. I don't feel loved, I feel like I'm being taken advantage of because I do everything [Update - 2 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/120t4b4/update_my_21f_boyfriend_21m_is_getting_too/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 24, 2023 A lot has happened since this post. I took the words and advice of the comments and gave him an ultimatum: he needs to fix the problems in the original post or I'd leave. I sat him down and explained that he's treating me like his mother, not his partner. So, I'd set up a bed in my office and sleep in a different room until he proved he didn't need me to take care of him at a whim. He was super shocked that I'd "hit him with this out of nowhere", ignoring that I've been asking for help for months. I had to drag one of the spare beds up the stairs and set up the room, all while he was sitting refusing to help me. Fine, nothing I'm not used to. I realised once the office was set up how happy it made me to have my own space without needing to fix all of his problems, and he did not take that happiness well. I noticed him getting snarky and aggressive whenever he saw how much i was enjoying my holiday from catering to him, and just overall being weird but still not really doing his own stuff. He'd just leave mugs and plates to get mouldy in his room, or leave stuff everywhere in the living room. I noticed that he started to nitpick everything I did, and it seemed like he was trying to find something, anything to make me feel bad about to make his faults less bad, i guess? He complained about my friend group on Discord because he didn't like that I had friends that weren't through him (even though I invited him to come on with us, introduced him, and he had a good time). He also complained that i wasn't giving him enough attention or "helping enough" (yeah, welcome to my hellhole pal). But everything he tried to fault me for was quickly shot down - "of course I'm friends with them, they haven't done anything wrong and I've invited you to join all the time" and "of course I'm not helping you - THATS THE POINT". Shit hit the fan after only two days of me staying in the office - my discord group had decided to get drunk and play cards against humanity (i highly recommend this btw) and i told my partner this. He just said Ok and so i went upstairs. Once i was already pretty tipsy, i got a message asking me to come downstairs. I told my discord to pause the game and give me 5 minutes. When i went downstairs, he looked at me with the scariest face and said "Do you wanna tell me anything huh?" Holding my old phone. In our entire relationship i have never done anything to be disloyal or anything, so i had no clue what he meant. I asked, still giggling from the drink "Tell you what?". I don't remember exactly what he said, but he said that "he knew" and i should admit it to him now because he had "evidence". I still had no clue so i told him this, still stumbling a bit, and asked to see the evidence. He proceeds to go through my old phone's photos until he reaches over FOUR YEARS AGO (well before we were dating btw) and shows me a picture of my rapist. Not a naughty picture or anything, literally a selfie. He showed me this smugly and proceeded to tell me that i cheated on him, with the guy who RAPED me, BEFORE WE WERE EVEN TOGETHER. Ladies and gentlemen, they say its impossible to fall out of love instantly, but that's been proven false. I gave him one last chance to take it back, and asked "Are you jealous of him?" And he confirmed that yes, HE WISHED HE HAD DONE IT FIRST. in his defence, i genuinely think he worded this badly and didn't mean he wished he had SAd me, but holy hell my drunk brain did NOT like that one. I don't even remember what i properly said, but i broke up with him on the spot. I explained I'm staying in the office until i find a flat, and he is not to talk to me at all. He realised that him trying to guilt me backfired and he started crying. I just went upstairs, put my headset on, and said "Guess who's single!!" Long story short, my discord collectively decided to keep me on a video call constantly bc they had a bad feeling about me still living in the same house, and God were they right. He left to stay with his mum (who's down the road) but decided to try to kick the door down at midnight. Why? Everyone in the discord was flirting with me (mostly jokes) and this dude TOOK MY OLD PHONE AND LOGGED INTO EVERYTHING TO FIND MORE STUFF TO GUILT ME ON. I had to phone my parents to pick me up because he had gotten in and was throwing shit around, accusing me of cheating again. I'm now staying with my parents until i find a flat, and I'm lucky to have my discord friends because if they hadn't witnessed his freak out on camera, i don't think anyone would've believed me. Love you guys! TLDR: Told my boyfriend to stop making me mother him, he said I cheated because I was SA'd. I've now left lol **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/127hamh/my_21f_boyfriend_21m_is_getting_too_comfortable/

127hamh

Bridezilla tries to scam bridesmaids.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ShamedShamingShamer **in** r/bridezillas   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/c4huo3/bridezilla_tried_ripping_off_bridesmaids_found/) \- 24th June 2019 *(Story shared by Bridesmaid's friend on Reddit.)* Several years ago, a friend of mine asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. There were six of us plus the MOH so seven total. The bride had picked out her dress already, one for the MOH, and one for the bridesmaids. The dress itself was lovely but a bit expensive at $400 each since two of us were still in college and the rest had recently graduated. I was one of the two still in college so money was super tight. Anyhow, the bride asked the MOH to coordinate with all of us for fittings/ alterations and such as one of her duties. The MOH decided she would pay for all of the dresses on her credit card because she wanted the air miles and we would pay her back directly. None of us minded, especially since she was going to let us pay her back in installments if we needed. I definitely needed. I wasn't able to go with everyone to pick up the dresses because finals week and planned to go by myself the following weekend. No big deal. The MOH said she would pay for mine on the group trip but to call her if there were any issues with the dress itself and she would handle it. I get there and the dress fits perfectly. The shop owner scoots off while I'm changing back into my street clothes since she has another client coming in but confirms we're all set. As I'm walking out the door, another person working there yells out hey, that will be $200! I was stunned and totally mortified. I apologized and explained how I thought the MOH had paid for it the weekend before. The shop owner comes running over to diffuse the situation and confirmed the dress was paid for already. I turned to walk out and suddenly realized she said $200 and not $400. Long story short, the dress was only $200. When I confronted the MOH about it, she spilled the beans. Apparently, the bride and MOH plotted together to charge us double to to help pay for the bride's dress. I let the rest of the bridesmaids know and four of us dropped out of the wedding immediately.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/ccmghp/update_to_bridezilla_scamming_bridesmaids/) \- 13th July 2019 *(These are Chat transcripts. Friend who posted the story to Reddit gets update from Bridesmaid and shares it on Reddit.)* I guess I half expected it to leak to the other shaming groups but I was unprepared for it to be blasted everywhere and come full circle. Lol. I don't even know where to begin. If I write it all out, will you share anonymously like the last time? &#x200B; * The wedding took place several years ago, almost a full 10 now, and I hadn't spoken to the bride and MOH since. The only other people I knew were the 3 other bridesmaids that dropped out with me. The 2 other bridesmaids were cousins (of the bride) and they agreed to continue on as a favor to their mom (bride's aunt) to avoid family drama. More on them in a bit. * Fast forward to now. I got an email from the MOH who wanted to apologize again. She wasn't making excuses for her behavior. On the contrary, she acknowledged her wrongdoing and said she still felt incapable of saying no to the bride/her friend. She was pretty disgusted with herself and relieved when I confronted her (to her credit, she said as much back then). They'd been friends forever and it took her a really long time to see behind the mask and how toxic the friendship had always been and the part she played in it. For what it's worth, I believe her. * A quick flashback, I hadn't yet paid for the dress when the truth came out, so I just turned it over to the MOH. The 3 other bridesmaids got their money back immediately without any hassle. The MOH apologized like crazy at the time to all of us, but we just wrote her, the bride, and the whole situation off. None of us ever heard from the bride. No apologies, no nothing. &#x200B; * Turns out, the bride never reimbursed the MOH for anything. Initially, the bride said she would repay her but after the wedding, everything changed. She said if the MOH hadn't spilled the beans, she wouldn't be out all the money and it's the price paid for being a disloyal friend. And the MOH wasn't just out the $200 x 6 bridesmaids dresses, the bride had also convinced the MOH to charge the wedding dress because it would be easier for the bride to pay off the balance at the end. When the MOH threatened to take the bride to court, the bride said her cousins (the 2 bridesmaids) would say the MOH came up with the whole scheme and have her arrested for fraud. * She found out years later the cousins never agreed to such a thing and would've been willing to go to court and say the exact opposite. They were disgusted by the whole situation too and wanted to drop out but their mother (bride's aunt) pushed them to keep appearances up for the family. They even told the MOH the replacement bridesmaids paid the bride $200 cash for each dress (none of which made it to the MOH). &#x200B; * I almost forgot the funny part! The bride told her FH *(Future Husband)* the 4 of us dropped out because we were jealous of her. So her whole family plus the MOH knew the truth but not the FH nor anyone in his family had any clue. &#x200B; * And there was also much more behind the scenes the MOH was privy to that we didn't see and wouldn't anyway after we dropped out. Apparently, the bride manipulated her entire family into paying for most of the wedding and the honeymoon. The dresses were supposed to be her one and only responsibility and likewise, the FH was responsible for the suits. That's not what she had told us at the time and even bragged her FH was paying for everything. * The bride also tried to manipulate her future in-laws into buying her a new car as a wedding present. They didn't and in revenge, she interrupted the mother and son dance just moments after it started. Like looked at the MOH and said "watch this" and then waltzed out onto the floor and basically shoved her new MIL out of the way. She also accused the reception wait staff of trying to ruin the photos by getting in the way of the photographer as they were serving the guests. Even after the photographer confirmed they were not in any of the shots, she still insisted they would have to personally reimburse her (even though she never paid for anything in the first place). &#x200B; * Oh it gets worse... at the brunch the morning after, the MOH said the bride gave a short toast to herself and didn't thank anyone and barely acknowledged her new husband. &#x200B; * As for the MOH, she says she tried to collect the money she was owed but eventually accepted it was gone and cut off all ties. Even still, the bride would reach out every couple of months to ask if she was done being such a "bitch" yet. When the MOH blocked her number, the bride spread rumors about the MOH and her fiancé Pe the time (now husband) saying that he was an "illegal" *(apologies, I loathe that word and people who use it. Your group and the ring shaming group are the only two shaming groups that shut it down. If it's not ok even in this context, please let me edit the post. I don't want to get banned and have to go back to the racist wedding shaming groups lollol)* marrying her only for the green card and claimed they used government assistance to pay for the wedding. Meanwhile, he already had become an American citizen long before they met and was/is a before they met and was/is a ridiculously successful software engineer who paid for the entire wedding himself and took not only his immediate family but hers too to Hawaii for the honeymoon. The bride was just jealous the MOH had everything she wanted. &#x200B; * As for the bride, she's on divorce number two already and estranged from her entire family because they got tired of her manipulating and using them too. I think that's everything she shared with me. I'll reach out if I remember anything else. Please, make sure my name is covered.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/127orh7/bridezilla_tries_to_scam_bridesmaids/

127orh7

AITA for telling my future in-laws it's not a wedding gift unless it's given to both people & not wanting to live in a house I don't own?

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Originally posted by in r/AmItheAsshole on March 20, '23, updated the next day as an edit. Trigger Warning: >!mentions of loss of loved ones, classism and racism!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wxah0/aita_for_telling_my_in_future_inlaws_that_its_not/) AITA for telling my in future in-laws that it's not a wedding gift unless it's given to both people and telling my fiancee I don't want to live in a house I don't own? My fiancee [27F] and I [29M] grew up very differently. I was an immigrant who moved here when I was 6, and we were definitely struggling a lot. My parents worked extremely hard to provide for me and siblings, and they always prioritized our education over everything. My dad always told me it was his dream to live in a house that he owned, since we'd always rented, but he couldn't save up enough since we were renting in expensive areas with good schools. Unfortunately, both of my parents passed away before being able to realize that dream. My dad passed away when I was 17 and my mom passed away almost 3 years ago due to covid. My fiancee grew up fairly wealthy. Like private schools, designer clothes, 3-4 international vacations per year flying first or business class the whole way. I was able to attend college thanks to student loans, scholarships, and part-time jobs, which delayed my graduation a bit, while her parents were able to fairly easily cover all expenses themselves. However, I'm the last person to say that my fiancee hasn't earned everything she's gotten. She's an extremely intelligent person, and besides funding her education, her parents are in no way responsible for her accomplishments. My fiancee and I met 6 years ago when we started working at the same company, in the same position, at the same time, after graduating from college. We hit it off almost instantly and it didn't take long for us to start dating. Both of us still work at the company, however I've progressed through the career ladder a bit more quickly than she has and now make just over twice what she does. I'll be the first to admit that this is completely undeserved and I've benefitted from a lot of luck and definitely some sexism as well, since we work in a male-dominated field. Still, that has allowed me to aggressively attack my student loans, and once they were payed off, I put that into saving up for a down payment on a house as a way to fulfill my parents dreams. I proposed about 6 months, and things have been great so far. However, this past weekend, we were at her family's house, when her parents told us that for a wedding present, they were going to give us a house. My fiancee was overjoyed, and although I was also happy, I wanted to know the details as well. Pretty quickly, her parents told us that the house would be in her name only, and that they expected us to sign a prenup to protect any (and only) pre-marriage assets "just in case". I was insulted that they thought I was after their money at all since I make more than she does anyway, and I ended up telling them that they can't call it a wedding present if they only give it to one person. I then told my fiancee I refused to live in a house that I don't own, and she knows exactly why. All three of them got very upset with me. So AITA? *Judgment: Not the Asshole* **Edit/Update:** So I was requested to add some information that I included in the comments into my post, and I also just had a long conversation with my fiancee and my in-laws, so I have a small update to share as well. Here's the info from the comments: The hilarious part of the whole prenup conversation was that they basically said that they expected the prenup to only cover premarital and inherited assets. They said they would absolutely refuse to accept any clauses that include future assets. So if I want to own a home where only my name is on the title, I have to purchase it before the marriage and also make sure to never use any of my wife's money to pay the mortgage or anything. Apparently they already had their lawyer write the whole thing up, but wanted to give me a heads-up so I can retain my own lawyer to review it. I have a suspicion that any lawyer is going to think it's massively unfair just base on how they've described it, and I'm assuming that they think I'll just get a cheap lawyer because of my upbringing. Admittedly, I don't know any better, so this is kind of difficult for me to determine what's fair and isn't fair here, but it doesn't seem fair to me. Besides that though, it's also just a personal thing. I want to live in a house that I own. Not them. Not my wife alone. I'm happy to live in a home that both my wife and I own, but not one she owns on her own. I don't someone else living in the home that I own. I want to live in it myself. I also should mention that currently, my fiancée and I share our finances. She makes about 120k use and I make about 250k usd. We split things according to income, so I pay around two-thirds and she pays around one-third. Based on our conversations, my fiancee and I both expected this arrangement to continue after marriage. As for the update, well I'll start with my fiancee's older sister [29F if it's relevant] calling me out of the blue a few hours ago to tell me that her parents did not ask her husband to sign a prenup before they got married. Both of my fiancee's sisters and my fiancee's BIL were at the dinner where her parents talked about the house, so they both heard the whole conversation. My fiancee's sister thought I deserved to know. My fiancee's BIL comes from a well-off family as well, but I don't know how well-off or whether they are on the same level as my fiancee's family or just upper middle class. Their wedding was pretty extravagant. My fiancée's family is white and American, as is the BIL. I am Pakistani. I don't believe her parents are racist, but it seemed like this information was important according to the comments. Anyway, about 3 hours ago, my fiancee finally came home. She had stayed at her parent's house because we'd gotten into quite the argument. I was expecting her to continue the argument, but she actually came and apologized straight away. Apparently her younger sister [22F] chewed her out after I left her parent's house. She really laid into my fiancee on how she was being inconsiderate because everyone knew how important owning my home was to me. She also said that her parents weren't treating me right, or equally. That made my fiancee see my side, as she said, but she was too embarrassed, which is why she didn't come home last night. If you can't tell, I'm a huge fan of my fiancee's little sister right now. She's always been a sort of no-nonsense firecracker type of girl, while my fiancee is a bit of a people pleaser and definitely a Daddy's girl, and she's kind of always vying for her father's approval. My fiancée has even said she knows she needs to work through that before we get married. I'm going to buy her sister a cupcake. Then showed her the post and she got pretty uncomfortable reading a lot of the comments, especially the ones saying that she doesn't care about me. She also got really uncomfortable when she read the comments about her parents being racist. I pressed on that a bit and she went on to mention that they've never been overtly racist, but they did make comments when we first started dating about being concerned about future, specifically about our children looking different and being treated poorly by her family. They asked her many times if she was sure about me. Like I said, I don't believe they're racist, but I do understand that they probably have some biases. This was also the case when they said they didn't want to do any traditional Pakistani events for the wedding. That was fine for me anyway, so I didn't really care, but now it makes me think a bit. I explained to her how I was feeling like I was going into this as an unequal partner, and she absolutely agreed that it wasn't fair. She even said she was going to tell her parents that she was going to refuse to sign the prenup. I told her to slow down, because she was going between extremes. I told her that we still needed to get the prenup because her family was already having difficulty accepting me and this was going to make it worse. However, I told her that under no circumstances was I signing anything her parents had a part in drafting, and that we would each retain our own lawyers outside of her parents' influence and get something that is fair and equitable. She agreed. We then talked about the house, and she said she was going to tell her parents that she wasn't going to accept unless both of our names were on it. I told her to slow down again, and I got her to agree to me paying for a quarter of it. My initial proposal was to pay half, but she said that what I said about it being a wedding present so it should be for both of us was true. So we came to the agreement that we would each get half ownership of the house, with her parents paying for 75% of it and me using the money I have saved plus a small mortgage for the other 25%. Both of our names will be on the title. We then called her parents together and told them our plan. They grumbled about it a bit initially, especially because her dad was still upset that I had been so ungrateful, but eventually, we were able to talk it through, and they agreed to the plan. I doubt that this is the last I hear about this, but at least for now, it seems like the situation is mostly resolved. *OPP and his fiancée obviously have some work ahead of them but they have resolved the original issue with a plan for their own prenuptial agreements and an agreement with the in-laws about the house so I am flairing this concluded.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1286cay/aita_for_telling_my_future_inlaws_its_not_a/

1286cay

What's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out? - Reddit's Famous Cake Lady

REPOST

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/IGotYouThisCake **in** r/AskReddit This a comment on an AskReddit thread that has been updated multiple times over the last decade. [Previous BORU can be found here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/so19qf/cake_maker_doesnt_make_hers_from_scratch_but_lies/) &#x200B; mood spoilers: >!Cake!<   [**Throwaway time! What's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/comment/c4ixtgi/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- May 1, 2012 I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes... Every last one is made using Pilsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time I've ever tried to make a cake from scratch it sucked. But baking is like.. My whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It's like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time. Telling me how delicious they are. Telling me it's so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs and water. In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking fucking cakes!! I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not of the cake itself of that makes sense. Still... No one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I fucking slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for YEARS. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. :/ I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes. Edit-holy shit I didn't expect such a response to this! I feel better about it thanks to a lot of these comments! Funny, I started this account as a novelty account and got bored of googling random cakes to post as comments lol Seemed perfect for this confession!!! ***Update #1*** **- 2 months later \~ July 2012** Edit 2: months later I receive messages almost daily on this account. I am so glad I used a throwaway. I forget to check this account most of the time and rarely see this stuff until weeks later. That said, to answer the main questions- yes I know I can order cake mix online, but I don't make enough cakes for it to be economical. It's actually more expensive to order online. Honestly, I'm not incredibly worried about people seeing me anymore. If I ran into someone I would tell them that I was helping my niece with a bake sale or something. I have, since this thread, made some cakes from scratch. I'm still using box mixes for chocolate and vanilla. Oh and red velvet because fuck all of that. Let's see what else, oh right, I've received probably 100 comments saying "The cake is a lie." We get it. It's very clever, but no, I'm sorry, you're not the first, second, third or twentieth to say it. Overall, I've learned this is actually pretty normal. And that people from all over the world have a friend who makes cakes and they all think I am their friend. So far no one has pinned me, but you guys had better check your friend's cabinets for Pilsbury mix ;) ***Update #2*** **- June 17, 2015** Edit Wednesday June 17, 2015 Alright kiddos. Here I am. A friend texted me and said my people need me hahaha. I guess there was a thread that got big and mentioned this thread. Here's your update! I actually no longer make cakes. I got a divorce and moved into a much smaller home. At that point I had no place to decorate cakes. I was also really burnt out. It's an incredibly hard art! Very time-consuming and requires a lot of tools and space. About a year later, I moved in with my now boyfriend. We have a pretty big kitchen. I wanted to sell my equipment and tools and the billion giant cake pans I have, but he convinced me not to. He said I should keep it on the back burner for a while and see if I want to do it again later. He didn't know me when I was a decorator, but he saw the photos and told me it would be a shame if I never did it again. I want to share some photos, but it would so easy to trace them back to my old cake blog. Maybe I can find one or two photos that were never posted there. ***Update #3*** **- January 2018** Edit- January 2018 Once in a while these “reddit lore” posts pop up and someone mentions my confession and I think to check this account. I’m incredibly tickled to be a part of reddit lore! I have a sort of hilarious update at this point. About a year and a half ago I was diagnosed with a wheat intolerance. My intestines decided they no longer wanted to digest wheat anymore. Woooo! I actually just thought I was dying for a few months. It was really stressful. Anyway, I can’t even fuckin eat cake anymore. I still have all of my equipment and whatnot. I make a quick cake now and then. But trust me when I say gluten free cake mixes are better than anything I could make from scratch lol. [Here’s a cute little cake I made for my birthday last year.](http://imgur.com/6zcwyUd) It’s not amazing, but it’s not bad considering I rarely make cakes anymore. I still receive SO MANY messages on this account. I’m sorry if I don’t reply, but I never check this account. I’ve got everything in that inbox from people trying to guess who I am, to people giving me recipes, to people begging me for cake photos and one guy who wanted a video of me eating cake 😳. Yikes. Anyhow, I’m getting married (again woooo second time is a charm!) to a dude I met on reddit. And our wedding planner asked me to please not try to make my own wedding cake because she has seen it end in stressful disaster so many times. Im going to take her advice and leave the cake making to someone else! (I do know reddit and I know some of you will call bullshit on this update, but that’s fine lol. I literally have no reason to lie and with all this personal information someone will probably finally realize who I am for sure haha) ***Update #4*** **- February 23, 2019** Update February 23, 2019 The never ending editing lol. I hadn’t logged into this account for over a year, but I saw someone mention me in a thread so I logged in real quick. A zillion messages in the ol inbox. Sorry... I don’t really have advice on how to start a cake decorating business. I just did my best and was mostly given business by word of mouth. Lots of people messaging to tell me I ripped people off. I mean... not really. People fuckin loved the cakes and when it’s all said and done a box of cake mix plus all the stuff it takes to make it into a cake probably cost around the same amount as the raw ingredients. And people loved the cakes so that’s whatever. Lots of people asking if I would be mad to find out that my wedding cake was made with box mix. No? Lol. Also i was not charging anyone bakery prices. Anyone giving me a few hundred dollars was paying me to make a massive cake that took me days to assemble and decorate. Also my wedding was fantastically fabulous. We got a gluten free cake from Milk Bar and I paid another bakery $400 to make us a beautifully decorated two tier cake for the guests to eat. Everything was amazing. Oh and here’s some fuel to fire all of y’all’s weird hate lol. I found this at the grocery store the other day. I’m over here about to ice up some gluten free box mix cupcakes. 😂[https://i.imgur.com/mPii0yW.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/mPii0yW.jpg) Ps pls don’t give this account gold. I login to it like once a year. Save your money. Donate it to a charity or something instead. ❤️ ***Update #5*** **- October 2019** October 2019 edit- I can’t believe I can still add edits to this. Weird. Anyway, things are great! I haven’t been baking much dessert, but I’ve been working on some gluten free french bread and it’s going okay! Some people have messaged asking my my marriage. My husband is awesome. He’s really the best and it feels awesome to be with a partner who treats me as an equal. I have a lot of weird messages in my inbox. Some of y’all need therapy. I almost did an interview for a podcast on reddit lore, but I chickened out, sorry lol. I’m just not great at doing interview kinda stuff and was afraid I’d be super weird about it! ***Update #6*** **- April 2020** April 2020 Edit- omg I can’t believe it’s still letting me make edits to this. Jesus Christ. Quarantine is wild. All I do right now is watch 90 Day Fiancé and sew masks. So many masks. I guess this is my new thing. It’s been really funny to see my post mentioned around reddit once in a while. Especially when people add or change details like some kind of weird game of telephone. It honestly cracks me up. Keep being weird, reddit!! ❤️❤️❤️ ***Update #7*** **- January 2021** January 2021- I haven’t logged into this account since last April. Still getting a steady stream of messages. Y’all are great. I just celebrated my birthday with a gluten free cake from Milk Bar. Aaaaamazing. I didn’t really bake much during the pandemic so far, but I did learn how to sew and I’ve sewn over 3000 masks in the last year which I sold and donated to people all over the US. I also had covid for Christmas... it sucked!!! But I’ve fully recovered now and I’m hoping we can get this shit under control this year. I miss doing things and going places. ***Update #8*** **- September 2021** September 2021 Lmfao I honestly can’t believe I can still edit this. I just scrolled through the thread and saw some others who had given updates, but none much past 2019. I guess I don’t have much to update. We’re somehow still in a pandemic… I guess I last updated not long after I had gotten over covid. I STILL can’t smell and taste properly so that’s a whole thing… 9 months later. Pro tip: don’t get covid. Thank you to all the people who continue to bring me up in reddit lore threads, even if you get the details wrong, it’s kind of hilarious that y’all still remember my dumb cake story. I’m forever entangled in the weirdness of the thread that brought us such reddit lore weirdness as “the cum box.” Thanks for the messages and the shout outs. Stay weird, reddit. ***Update #9*** **- February 2022** Feb 2022 - figured I would throw on a 2022 update. Why not? I recently was absentmindedly scrolling through TikTok and came across a video that was just… someone reading my comment lol. There were a ton of likes and comments. I read through the comments and they were all super validating. It honestly made me smile a lot. I truly can’t believe people are still talking about this and that I can still edit this comment. ***Update #10*** **- April 2022** April 2022 updaaate I ate an edible about an hour ago and I’m vibing and reading y’all’s fan mail, but… Turns out there’s a character comment limit and I’ve reached it. This may be my final update. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/128q5jm/whats_your_secret_that_could_literally_ruin_your/

128q5jm

AITA for being my nephews first word?

ONGOING

Originally posted by u/moomoomoo- in r/AmItheAsshole on Feb 17, '23, Updated Feb 24th and March 21st. I have made quite a bit of punctuation edits so you can read it with your brain ka'sploding. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Child abuse, verbal abuse!< Mood Spolier: >!Infuriating and disturbing but ends with (some) improvement!< &nbsp; [AITA for being my nephews first word](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/114iwbx/aita_for_being_my_nephews_first_word/) Feb 17, '23 &nbsp; AITA for being my nephews first word? My brother and his wife have a baby over a year old, he's 15 months. I regularly babysit him. i don't mind it because I'm happy to help my brother, although his wife is a stay at home so I'm not sure why i have to, but i don't want to cause trouble. ​ I work and own a dairy farm. i asked my brother if its ok i take his son to work with me whenever i Babysit, otherwise I would get nothing done (I have proper safety precautions in place and he only comes with me in the tractor because it has a proper car seat). He said its fine. My nephew loves the animals. He makes all kind of excited noises and I try to encourage him to pet them when i hold him (they are all vaccinated and dosed regularly and calm again cleared with my bro). We spend a lot of time together. My brother and his wife have been trying to get him to say his first words, although its not simple and they don't exactly make it easier. Instead of mamma or dadda, they coax him to say Mother and father, and my nephew just dosent get it. He's a baby and those words seem kinda complicated for a baby. ​ We were all over at my parents house for a Sunday get together and I was sitting, playing blocks with my nephew. He suddenly looks up at me and starts going B B B B B BE BE. I thought it was just normal baby talk. Then he gets more aggressive repeating those letters over and over again. Then He starts going N N N N N. He then shouts BEN and points at me and laughs, BEN BEN BEN (my name). My brother and SIL start yelling at me, saying I was coaching him and how I was being selfish. They immediately pick him up and My brother yells at me, "you took away his first word. That was supposed to be our moment". They storm off to another room, they stay in there for about 10 mins, and then come out and leave. But as they are leaving the baby looks at me again and shouts, in the playful baby voice, BEN and points at me again. My sil shouts at her son so her son starts crying, then she shouts at him more starts crying herself and they leave. ​ My parents think I'm an ass and I shouldn't have been teaching him my name, but I havent. The only time he hears my name is when anyone else says it. they think I should apologise to My SIL for ruining what should have been a mothers special moment. But honestly, My SIL dosent act like much of a mother. She dosen't work, I have her son 5 days a week I refuse to take him on Saturdays and Sunday's because I want to get some nitty gritty work done and she throws fits about it. At family events he's always offloaded to me. To play with, to feed (she pumps always has I'm not judging her for not doing direct breastfeeding btw), to calm down any tantrums and to change when he goes bathroom in his diapers. ​ what do you think reddit EDIT: the argument that SIL had with her son went something like this: SIl: say mother baby: Baby noises B B Ben more baby noises SIL: SAY MOTHER Baby (with tears in his eyes and kind of sobbing): MMM M M B B B Ben (he said ben quitely this time) SIL: NO YOU IDIOT SAY MOTHER N OW Baby (now crying): BEn ben ben SIL: (not so nice words that i dont feel like repating) SAY MOTHER Baby (no full on crying and sniffling): dosent say anything SIL brother and baby leave Edit 2: I have taken your advice on board and am going to take action tomorrow I’ll post an update some time next week if this sub allows them. *More info in the comments:* i would have the kid every day if i didnt put my foot down and say i need saturday to do some heavy dangerous work otherwise i would get nothing done she dosent have PPD she went to therapy after he was born and they said she was fine her reason for staying at home is so she can have some peace . They dont really talk to their kid that much just kinda wait for him to cry for something they have been Going "say mother/father" depending on who is speaking to him but dont really partake in the fun and sillyness that is baby talk like i do they think it encourages him to just make sounds . He's been late to all his milestones SIL says he has learning diffuclties but ive never noticed anything he tried walking one day when i when i was at their house and SIL marched over and shoved him back on the ground she did that alot when he would try to walk I eventually got him to start full on walking (well baby walking) when he was on his own with me. . My parents told SIL and Bro they wouldnt be doing any babystitting aprt from maybe once a month im 25 bro is 29 and sil is 30. beofre the baby was born i told my brother that if he needed a hand in the first few monthes (meaning like a shelf put up or any manuel labour) id be happy to help they then said it was fine and just asked me to babysit every so often. it started as once every 2 weeks but by 6 months it was 5 days a week. . I have him today and im currently making ok progress with him saying cow he can get the letters out just hasnt put them together hes alot quiter today and isnt really talking im worried my brother and sil punished him when he got home . I have him today again but my sil told me not to talk to him and if he says my name to tell him to be quiet or yell at him im not doing that but baby is a lot quiter and hasnt said my name at all really he dosent even make his usual baby sounds . My sil is very posh and uptight its her way or the high way most of the time she was always like this im always friendly to her though she dosent like when anyone calls their mom or dada anything other than mother or father she thinks its "barbaric and breeds stupidity". . What can i do, ive tried bringing him back to their house but they ignore me and will dissapear to town if they see my pickup coming over the hills and i dont want to neglect him i seem to be the only positive influence in his life. . Talking to my brother is pointless he agrees with everything she says even when shes not around he would also shove him down when he tried walking when he tried crawling my brother picked him up and would strap him tightly into the car seat that just sits on the their living room floor. . She wanted it she would talk for ages after they got married about how excited she was to have a cute baby and how he/she was going to be smarter and better and do everything faster than all the other kids. *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; [UPDATE on my nephew](https://www.reddit.com/user/MooMOOmoo-/comments/11apkj9/update_on_my_nephew/) Feb 24, '23 I figured I would give you all an update. Thanks for all the advice and help everyone. I did not call cps (our country has something else but for simplicity I'll just refer to it as cps). Straight away that was probably my biggest mistake. I have always tried to see the good in people and trust and forgive others. It's a terrible habit to have in this modern day but that’s just always been me. I brought LO over to his parents’ house early Friday afternoon and told them it’s their baby, they need to look after it. I wasn’t going to babysit anymore, not unless it’s a dire emergency such as death or illness. I gave them parenting books and explained everything they were doing wrong. We had a long talk for a few hours, and I honestly thought we got somewhere. I went over Sunday afternoon and LO was doing great. He was doing the baby stumble all over the room, he was laughing, it seemed great. The car seat was nowhere to be found. I thought we’d turned a corner. He even said his second word (it's “will” not sure why, but he uses it now to get attention instead of Ben). I was only over for an hour and they all seemed happy. On the way out I mentioned to my brother that on Monday I was going to be helping my Fiancée move in to mine. ​ Monday morning rolls round. I get up milk, feed the dry cows and calves’ bed everything, and put the milking stock out to grass. I was running late to meet my Fiancée who I’ll call Ayah so I took off my overalls ran into the house, grabbed my keys for my pickup off the table, I didn’t even look in the living room (you can see where this is going already). It was 10:00 at this point, I put my trailer on and went over to Ayah’s. I was there for 3 hours helping her load and pack. We went and got lunch at around 2. We stayed at the café for an hour, went shopping together for an hour or so, then back to hers to lift my truck and the rest of her stuff. We got back to mine at around 7. We were standing talking in my yard when we both hear screaming and crying. I unlock the door and run in and was greeted with an image I’ll never forget. LO was on the floor screaming crying, his face all red. He was sucking on one of the unopened bottles of breastmilk. His high chair that I have was lying on the floor (he had tried climbing it earlier in the day. I looked back through the cameras after CPS came). My tv was on the ground broke, the place was a mess, his diaper was a mess. I picked him up and began calming him while I changed him. Ayah put 3 bottles in the microwave to heat up and then took him to feed him for me. I got a text then from my Bro asking if I could bring him back to theirs at around 8 because they had a surprise for everyone. They were having an announcement party which is why I had to babysit so they could get it all ready (they hadn’t texted me at all earlier). I then thought about ringing my bro but as I looked at my Fiancée, who was yanking the bottle out of LO mouth so he didn’t drink too fast (he was really aggressively gulping it down) and give himself stomach problems, I decided to call CPS and the police. CPS came to us, and the police went theirs. I handed LO over and gave my statement as well as a copy of my CTV. My SIL arrived at mine at 7am and dropped LO off. My living room baby monitor caught nearly all of LO movement and one of my outside cameras caught a fair bit of his movement in the kitchen. He pulled the TV down on top of himself after he had been crying for a few hours that’s how he got his forehead bruise. He tried to climb into his high chair but that fell onto him and bruised his shoulder. He sat in the car seat I have on the living room floor (took it out of my truck to make room for boxes) and just screamed my name and then just screamed nothing (his voice was horse by this point). What was SILs surprise you wonder? Well its nothing, only that she’s pregnant again. Because in her words, "the first one was a breeze", and she wants a daughter. Unfortunately, CPS in my country believes strongly in rehabilitation but its aggressive rehab not just, “here’s your kid try to do better”. It’s the whole 9 yards. My SIL has a new therapist, and they must do couples counselling as well as parenting classes, and weekly visitations by CPS from now until new baby is 2 years. I have been appointed as a watcher for LO, meaning anyone that wants to visit has to be approved by me, and a bunch of other things must go through me. I know I made a mistake in trusting them, but I really thought they would change. Ayah and I are now fully moved in together I haven’t babysitted at all this week. Bro and SIL are in between court appearances and other mandated events as well as being a parent (they struck a deal with the prosecutor and CPS. 3 years suspended sentence and a bunch of other restrictions, which is how this all progressed so fast). My parents have finally seen SIL and Bro for what they are and have apologised profusely to me. I’m getting married in March, but I’ve demoted my Bro from best man to guest. I just promoted my best friend and picked another friend to be a new groomsman to keep it even with Ayahs bridesmaids. I’m contemplating uninviting them but I’m going to think about it for a while. A lot of you said I should adopt LO but the truth is, I don’t want to. I love him and will always be there for him but I want it to be in a fun but caring uncle capacity. I know this sounds selfish but I just can’t explain my love for him. I want to have my own family and still be a part of his. I hope you all understand this. There is still a lot happening so I might make an update 2, much later but this is all that I can share at this point. Bro and SIL are mad at me and refusing to talk outside of anything they are legally required to talk to me about. I don’t see why they are mad at me though they left a baby, which hadn’t had breakfast, at my house and didn’t tell me, when they knew I was going to be away. Please feel free to leave some more advice or thoughts I do read them all even the negative ones but take care everyone and thank you for all your help. &nbsp; [UPDATE 2: AITA for being my nephews first word](https://www.reddit.com/user/MooMOOmoo-/comments/11xp8d1/update_2_aita_for_being_my_nephews_first_word/) March 21, '23 Hi everyone it’s been a almost a month so I thought I would post an update here I first tried having a civilised conversation with LO’s parents and it worked for 2 days. Then it was back to me looking after him so I called cps. There is a whole incident on my page if your curious. SIL is unfortunately pregnant again because, apparently raising the first one was simple and easy. She also used the word breeze. CPS has them on a strict regiment with regular therapy for them all and classes for the parents. SIL’s new therapist has diagnosed her with narcissistic personality disorder, as well as a few other things, but not PPD surprisingly. I didn’t mention it in the original post cause it wasn't relative but I was engaged at the time. I’m not anymore though…. Cause I’m married. I invite LO and his parents. He has said his second word it’s will (he dosent know any people called will though) and he hasn’t really said my name much. His physiologist thinks it’s cause he associates it with yelling at him now. But he said it at my wedding along with a new word that I definitely didn’t teach him. There was a quite moment when my best man passed the Mike to my wife’s moh and LO chose that moment to demonstrate his vocabulary. “BEN…… WILL……. FUCK”. Everyone started laughing except his parents, who where mortified, they see themselves as better than everyone else. they did try to blame me for the f word but it’s not my go to swear word. Bastard would be my main choice His parents are doing better. My Bro was the golden child but he’s fallen out of favour with my parents since cps was called. I have been over to their house and everything seems fine. No car seat on the living room floor, LO running around laughing making noises enjoying himself. My SIL on the other hand has called me multiple times crying because LO would cry for no reason, or he wouldn’t sleep, despite being fed and changed. All normal baby things she wants me to solve it but she needs to learn especially with N.o 2 on the way That’s all really. I want to thank everyone for their help. I might make more posts on my account, not on this sub, but take care everyone **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1292xg2/aita_for_being_my_nephews_first_word/

1292xg2

Boyfriend (30m) and I (22f) were mugged. He sprinted off and left me alone with mugger. He claims he was running for help but I didn't hear from him for over an hour. Just wondering how bad I should blow up his shit?

INCONCLUSIVE

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Hamdila **Boyfriend (30m) and I (22f) were mugged. He sprinted off and left me alone with mugger. He claims he was running for help but I didn't hear from him for over an hour. Just wondering how bad I should blow up his shit?** Originally posted to r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!assualt!< [Original Post](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/aej56u/boyfriend_30m_and_i_22m_were_mugged_he_sprinted/) Jan 10, 2019 Edit: sorry about title, I'm 22f! Tuesday night boyfriend and I were out, he parked in an alley because it's free. As we got to the car this tiny little homeless looking guy stepped out with a screwdriver and said something like "I'll I need is a hit, me $20 and no one gets hurt." Boyfriend sprinted away. He didn't Even look behind him so I was stuck with the mugger and since I had my phone only he rubbed his hands all over me while holding the screwdriver to my throat. He wasn't getting off on it but it was still so traumatizing as he thought I was hiding money in my bra and underwear. I kept hoping that Aiden would be coming back with the cops but nothing. The homeless guy eventually realized I had nothing and just left down the other end of the alley, I walked around the corner and less than a block away there was two police officers so I told them and all of the sudden downtown lit up and they were able to find the guy in less than 5 minutes. I rode with the police to the station to ID the guy. Maybe an hour later Aiden calls and said "I have the police are you ok?" I exploded on him telling him that I'm at the fucking police station and have been for an hour. He tried to tell me he was so scared he didn't know what to do and ran immediately to the police. I told him he was a liar because the two police I'd found had been there all night and he must have run past them. After some serious arguing he admitted that he'd gone to hide in a park about three blocks away. I was disgusted. And kept hiding when he heard all the sirens because he thought that meant I'd been stabbed or worse! What in the actual fuck? I told him to come pick me up and he said he couldn't because he doesn't like cops and is afraid they'd laugh at him. Well he was right because two very cool young cops gave me a ride home and they laughed and joked about him the entire way. Yesterday he finally called around noon and I told him don't bother were broken up. He then spent the next 8 hours texting me a combination of calling me names, begging me to come back to him, and explaining what he'd done had been the smartest thing for both of us. He said had he not run, his natural rage would have taken over and he would have killed the guy. Suuuuuuurreeee.... My question is how scorched earth do I go in this breakup, let him have some dignity or do i blow up his shit? Tl;dr: boyfriend left me during a mugging. Do I ruin his life in rhe breakup process? Holy shit! Had no idea This would blow up! I'm in the lab all day so I'm just catching up at lunch. I'll try and respond I promise. edit 2: guys I'm floored by this response. I have almost 1700 unread messages in my inbox and feel like I missed out on the conversation when I was at my internship today. I honestly don't know what I am going to do. Haven't heard from Aiden since last night so I hope that means he got the fucking message. I don't know what I'm going to do as a day monitoring aluminum reactions has calmed me down a bit. not sure but this is my biggest reddit post ever, by a long shot [Update](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/afolye/update_i_22f_was_the_person_my_boyfriend_left/) Jan 13, 2019 So original blew up and my most popular Reddit post ever, first time I ever made the front page and was gilded and platinum 3* each. By the time I was able to really check in the post was removed and I wasn't able to really participate. But thank you for your support and advice. If it can be seen here's the link to the original: [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/aej56u/boyfriend_30m_and_i_22m_were_mugged_he_sprinted/) Well that was Thursday and I think I was still a little wound up and trying to find the humor in the situation. Friday it really settled in That I was sexually assaulted with a screwdriver held to my throat. I know that wasn't the muggers intent but the outcome was the same. I've spent the last two days in my room just trying to figure out who I talk to. I haven't told anyone and even tried to go out last night but was too afraid to walk to my car late so I left really early then walked with my keys between my fingers between my car and apartment and haven't really left. Would love any advice on how to get on with getting past this. As for Aiden, he's left me about a dozen angry emails and VMs blaming me for parking where HE did, not running away like he did then exposin HIM to the police. He's an incredible piece of shit but since I don't want to talk about any of it, I haven't "blown his shit up" as I asked in the original. Not sure what I'm going to do. I've blocked him in every way I know but just now he created a fake gmail To berate me again. I think everyone was right that he has some sort of police past (along with being an incredible coward) and he thinks I'm going to let them know where to find him. I talk with the ADA sometime this week as well as victim advocate and seeing as how this will truly blow his shit up, maybe I'll slip his name along. So that's where we all are...thanks for reading and keeping up with my drama. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/129iq3z/boyfriend_30m_and_i_22f_were_mugged_he_sprinted/

129iq3z

OOP catches her future MIL trying to squeeze into her wedding dress

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/AdministrativeMain7 **in** r/JUSTNOMIL **and** r/legaladvice trigger warnings: >!emotional incest, abusive mothers, grooming(?), gaslighting/manipulation, fatphobia, racism/xenophobia. and this one isn’t necessarily a trigger warning, but doormat partners!< mood spoilers: >!somehow both relieving and frustrating; Norma Bates has nothing on this MIL!< terminology: FMIL/MIL = mother-in-law/future mother-in-law &#x200B; [**I caught my future MIL trying to squeeze into my wedding dress...spoiler, it didn't go well.**](https://www.rareddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/97315b/i_caught_my_future_mil_trying_to_squeeze_into_my/) \- August 13, 2018 (recovered from rareddit) First time poster but a long time lurker...hi everyone! I've been engaged to my fiance for a year. We're planning to be married in December in Colombia and of course, I'm beyond pumped. It's going to be a destination wedding for us, and I was very happy that I was able to talk him into having one. My soon to be MIL is extremely upset about this. I always knew that she wasn't really my biggest fan. She's polite and very "fake" friendly...but she'll do things like sit on my fiance's lap, or tuck his hair behind his ear, and cut his food for him. On on occasion I actually saw her actually feed him....in public. However, to my fiance's credit, once I told him that I thought that was beyond weird, it never happened again. Future MIL is very upset about our destination wedding. She thinks we'll all be murdered (eyeroll), bitches constantly about the cost of her airfare, the size of the wedding, the guests that won't be able to come, the thought of my fiancee getting malaria, the fact that she hates no one in Colombia speaks English...you get the picture. I try to limit her exposure to my wedding planning, though when I do this, she complains to my fiance behind my back on how she's being excluded. She came over yesterday, theoretically to see our new house, but instead offered the following criticisms: * She hates my engagement ring. It's far too extravagant and there are CHILDREN STARVING IN AFRICA AND PEOPLE DIE FOR THESE ROCKS (it's a moissanite). * Our house is an extravagant display of wealth and just "isn't us". It's a townhouse that we got a steal on. * I’m getting fat. Need to watch the calories so I can "fit into my dress". Future, meanwhile, is bragging about her diet and how chic and slenderizing her mother of the bride dress is. This delightful conversation was interrupted by my fiancee asking me to help him put a bed in the spare guest room together, so I left Future MIL to her own devices and Netflix while I helped. About 40 minutes into assembly, I went to go take a bathroom break and headed into the master bedroom...and what do I find but Future MIL struggling to yank my dress over her head BUT WAS FREAKING STUCK. I blurted out "what the hell?!" and she immediately started stammering "Oh my God! OH MY GOD! OH GOD!" At that point my number one concern was her tearing the sheer backing of my dress so I rushed over to help her. It was all for not as she managed to scratch her way through the back of the dress and completely destroy the sheer material. She burst the side zipper of the dress and got a dirty foot print on the train. I asked her, as soon as I got her out of the dress (and I want to note, with HUGE amounts of disgust, that she was wearing no underwear), what the HELL she was thinking. She responded that she was just trying to make sure the dress would fit me; because if the dress fit her, then it absolutely fit me too. If it didn't fit her, then I obviously had some work to do. Nevermind that I just had my final fitting and it had fit like a glove. My future fiance is very disturbed by what happened. I'm also disturbed-- mostly because I doubt she was trying to just try on the dress for funsies; there was also a bouquet of dried flowers on the bed that wasn't there before. I think the bitch was actually trying to pretend she was the bride...which for so many reasons, is so wrong. She hasn't offered to pay for any of the repairs to the dress. A section of the train is ripped. I have no idea how much it's going to cost until I can get to the seamstress tomorrow. In the meantime, in lieu of an apology, she's lecturing me on spending so much money on a wedding dress and clearly the trouble she had getting into the dress was a sign to get something less dramatic and ostentatious. It's taking everything in me to tell her to not pound sand. I'll wear my fucking Galia Lahav dress to my goddamn grave and she'd better not say anything about it. &#x200B; [Relevant information from the comments](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/97315b/i_caught_my_future_mil_trying_to_squeeze_into_my/) *1* [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/97315b/comment/e4548io/) I haven't gone scorched earth mostly for my fiance's sake. Her claws are in him DEEP. I think to an extent he realizes how ridiculous she is and how creepy her behavior is, but it's just so....normal to him. Like when I called him out about how creepy and weird her feeding him in public is, he was really defensive at first...but then agreed that he could see it as being creepy. I've told him that she's going to pay. He responded that he'd cover the bill himself if it was crazy. I feel like that misses the point, but it's almost like he's in denial about how insane the situation is. *2* [Commenter:](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/97315b/comment/e46mpdw/) *Totally understandable. I can't even fathom that that scene ending with anything other than both partners screaming at MIL to get out of their house and start writing checks for the damage she caused. MIL wouldn't have had even a chance to try and turn it around. Did they just let her throw her clothes on and act like nothing happened???* [OOP:](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/97315b/comment/e46pgug/) I've gotten some PMs about this but I'll put it here so the post is public... The short answer is no. I had a full blown panic attack. I was screaming at FMIL (apparently I was shaking the dress at her), and my fiance intervened and grabbed me out of the room. He claims that he told her to get dressed and leave. I don't remember this, but I was also in the middle of trying to breathe and not throw up. By the time I had "calmed" down and was on the couch, she had vanished. I want to say that I've had limited exposure to FMIL up until now. She was living in the West Coast up until two months ago. She moved back in the area because she could no longer bear being apart from her baby. I don't think it's without coincidence that she chose to move back after fiance shut down her "suggestions" about the wedding. My fiance and I are headed to the seamstress today TOGETHER to evaluate the damage. I'm not very hopeful.   [**My future mother in law ruined by wedding dress by attempting to try it on. It's beyond repair. Can I take her to court?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/97th80/my_future_mother_in_law_ruined_by_wedding_dress/) \- August 16, 2018 in r/legaladvice I'm located in Virginia. I purchased a wedding gown that cost me over $11k, then paid substantially more in alterations. Over the weekend, my future mother in law decided to attempt to put on my dress and failed horribly. Long story short, it's beyond repair and completely ruined. I also have reason to believe that she caused deliberate damage to the dress because of certain areas that were torn. My fiance doesn't believe that we're able to take her to court and recoop the money because "it's just a dress" and he thinks the cost of the dress doesn't meet some financial threshold to sue her. I want to know if that's true and if it would be feasible to file a police report on her because of the more deliberate damage. I know it's just "a dress" but this goes beyond the dress.   [**Update to MIL that ruined my wedding dress. The wedding is off.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/9ehail/update_to_mil_that_ruined_my_wedding_dress_the/) \- September 9, 2018 in r/JUSTNOMIL Hey everyone...first of all, thank you for all of your sweet comments and support. I'm sorry that I haven't kept everyone in the loop, but the last several weeks have truly been...trying, to say the least. First things first, the wedding is off. We are still together and remain engaged, but things are very, very, strained between us. The only thing that has really stopped me from leaving this relationship is that I love him from the bottom of my heart, and I can see how much this is hurting him. I really want to work past this if we can. We're both committing to seeing a couple's therapist. After FMIL ruined my dress, my fiance confronted her by telephone and demanded that she help cover the damages to the dress. She refused because she said it was an "accident" and she really was "just trying to help". She literally tried to spin this as her FUCKING HELPING ME by, and I quote, "giving me a standard to aspire to" and she also fucking admitted that she just wanted to feel as "young and beautiful" as me. The worst part is that he believed her bullshit. At this point, after she refused to pay, I started pitching a fit until fiance said that we shouldn't jump to conclusions on the damages until we visited the seamstress. Fine by me. We went together and the assessment was that it is completely trashed. It is beyond repair. The beading in some parts is absolutely destroyed. The sheer back of the dress was torn to shreds (from her disgusting fake nails). She also ripped the tulle on my train, and the seams were split so badly and she'd torn through other parts of the dress to the point where they were beyond repair. Hearing how badly my dress was mutilated crushed me, but my fiance's reaction at the seamstress's enraged me. He kept minimizing the damage, pointing out how certain things "absolutely could have" been an accident, and he lied out of his ass to the seamstress to tell her that the dress had "an accident" when his mother attempted to "relive her model days". I corrected course and said no, that she tried to put it on without my permission knowing damn well that she didn't fit into it, and deliberately destroyed parts of it in the process. The real fun started when we got home and I told him that if she didn't pay, then I wanted to sue her for damages to the dress. He told me some bullshit about how the cost of the dress didn't meet the thresholds for a lawsuit. Okay. I took my ass straight to the internet, posted to the LegalAdvice subreddit, AND googled the thresholds for small claims court in Virginia before printing all of the responses I got and forcing him to read them. He conceded that she owed us something and called her, with me sitting there. As I sat there, I shit you not, he argued with her for all of five minutes before she broke down sobbing, accused him of not loving her, called me trash for turning him against her, and how could money be more important than her love for him. HE ACTUALLY SOOTHED HER and told her that "he understood" but I'm being super emotional over the dress and this would help it blow over. She started babbling and sobbing and he said that he'd "talk to me". After they hung up, he had the nerve to turn to me and say that all he wanted was peace and to please just let him pay for the dress and let this go away. I lost it. I screamed at him. I cried harder than I probably ever have cried because I honestly feel that he took her side over mine. I told him that it wasn't about the dress and that if he genuinely believed that this was over an "overpriced" dress at this point, then we needed to cancel the wedding and he and his mommy could have a nice vacation to Colombia without me. We argued, and, like he's been doing, told me that he saw my point. I told him that I didn't want her at the wedding. Shockingly...he agreed. I sat next to him the next day when he called her and told her that because of what happened, we couldn't have her at the wedding. I actually felt proud when he hung up on her after she screamed and and sobbed about how "He can't do this". I began to consider that maybe I was wrong about how he refused to stand up to his mother. That is, until I was on our shared iPad. I rarely use the iPad because I'm way happier with my Kindle but I'll reach for the iPad in the rare event that my Kindle is out of juice and my phone is out of reach. While I was using it, what pops up but messages from FMIL...asking about the best way to purchase discounted flights to Colombia. I scrolled through the messages, and he had folded the very next day, saying that he had disinvited her for my sake but he still wanted her at the wedding. That he'd slowly work on changing my mind, and hopefully on the weekend of the wedding I'd be feeling forgiving and welcome her and if not, I could deal with it. I lost my motherfucking mind. I actually packed my bags. He was the one that ended up leaving to stay with his friend while I stayed in the house. The fight wasn't pretty. And that's about where we're at right now. We have both committed to couple's counseling. It's a must. I feel played right now. And that's what he was trying to do; play both sides. We both agreed that the best thing to do for us is to postpone the wedding until trust is reestablished, deposits be damned. And if anyone asks? I tell them the entire story. FMIL has decided to come between us in the worst way. FMIL, for the most part, is fuming and trying to spin this into me being a trashy, greedy harpy that's determined to bring her and her precious baby nothing but misery. She's tried to come to our house several times to "collect her baby and his belongings", but I haven't answered the door. Fiance, to his credit, has blocked her on his phone and hasn't told her where he's living right now. He's gone no contact and has agreed to no contact until we begin therapy. He's turned over all of his passwords and the iPad so I can check his messages when I want to (and trust me, I'm checking). I love him. I want to be able to go the distance with him, but while FMIL is in the picture I just don't think I can. For fuck's sake, I'm looking through his email accounts and messages for contact from his mother. I can't even begin to explain just how fucked up that is. Sorry for the long post...please wish us luck in therapy. I'm having a hard time keeping my hopes up. This has been the worst month.   [**FMIL that destroyed my dress has decided stalking me at work, showing up at the house, and the grocery store to get a glimpse of her baby is appropriate.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/9fwqsv/fmil_that_destroyed_my_dress_has_decided_stalking/) \- September 14, 2018 in r/JUSTNOMIL This has been the cherry to top off a not so fabulous week. To everyone that SO bashed my husband, PM'd me to tell me how weak/pathetic I am/tell me I'm stupid... Trust me. You think I don't get how this looks to other people? He isn't getting away with anything. I know seeking help and counseling looks stupid to other people, but it's my relationship. Please respect that. Also, to the vicious people that are reading my posts and then immediately posting them to Facebook/other websites so they can post nasty things/try to figure out my identity, there's special place in hell for you. If this keeps up, I can't post here anymore. I have too many people that are reaching out to me, trying to guess my identity/FMIL's identity and it's becoming extremely stressful. The only reason I'm posting here is to ask other ladies here for advice on dealing with a FMIL that's getting increasingly aggressive. There's several new things to report. One being that my fiance has kept his end of the bargain; he's had no contact with FMIL. How do I know? I'm religiously checking his accounts...and she's also losing her mind. This week, I've woken up to the following: * My Ring app has gone off four times, all at odd hours of the night. It's her. I have footage of her shoving notes under my door. * Nasty notes shoved under the door demanding to talk to my fiance/accusing me of driving a wedge between them. * Text messages asking me why I'm forbidding contact between fiance and his mother and how unnatural it is to stop a son from seeing his mother. I'm going to burn in hell and am a disgrace to womanhood. * She's come to my work. When I refused to see her, security escorted her out. When I pulled out of the parking garage, I saw her waiting by the employee entrance. * Fiance and I typically go shopping on Wednesday nights. She knows this because she's gone with us a couple of times. Guess who was waiting for us in the parking lot at 7PM? We didn't get out of the car after we saw her pacing around the entrance. I'm documenting everything just in case she continues to get crazier. Fiance and I will be going to the local PD tomorrow to file a report and look into getting a temporary restraining order. Thank you to everyone that's offered me kind words, support, and even offers of baked goods. You guys are wonderful-- I really appreciate you.   *Marked as concluded because OOP and her fiancé made plans to file a restraining order, and Fiancé went no contact with FMIL.* **EDIT: CHANGED FLAIR TO INCONCLUSIVE.** **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

blindspottings

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/129ngog/oop_catches_her_future_mil_trying_to_squeeze_into/

129ngog

My husband has been cheating for the past decade.

CONCLUDED

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Wifenomorenow **My husband has been cheating for the past decade.** Originally posted to r/offmychest **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Infidelity, emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, verbal abuse & condom tampering!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/113id1g/my_husband_has_been_cheating_for_the_past_decade/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Feb 16, 2023 I honestly am at a lost for words. I just don't understand why this is happening to me. I'm (30F) me and my husband (30M) have been married for 5 years, together for 11. Literally had a movie like relationship, just a constaint honey moon phase. Of course, it got boring here and there, and there were bumps along the road, but I would have never thought of this. Ever. Yesterday, I was looking up a recipe on pinterest using my husbands phone, when he got a message from a contact called Internet company, but it was a video (Which I thought was weird) So I clicked on it. Within the video there was a little girl saying "dada" and a woman in the background that got super excited. I couldn't believe it. I scrolled up, tons of texts, all about different things. When he'd be visiting, if he could pick (A girls name, let's call her Kelly) Kelly up today. Daycare for (Lets call her Dina.) Date nights, all sorts of stuff. I couldn't believe my eyes. I managed to find the woman on Facebook. All it did was really hammer it in that this was really happening. I tried to convince myself that those weren't his kids. Maybe he was just cheating on me with someone with kids, please let him be cheating on me with someone with kids. This woman had two daughters, worked an office job, and posted pictures of her daughters and what she made for dinner every night. I took a breath, and messaged her. It was so, so, much worse than I could have ever imagined. These two girls, were both his. One being 11 months and the other being 4 years old. I already was panicked at the thought of him cheating on me for four years, until I asked how long. 10 fucking years. They had been "dating" for 10 years. He kept up a double life for 10 years. I don't even want to fathom how. Aparently this woman had no idea, he always claimed he had to live away from her for work. (He visited every weekend. Which FYI I work 16 hour shifts on the weekend, and return during the afternoon, and go straight to bed.) She showed me countless videos and images of them together. I just couldn't believe it, how could he do this to me? Why would he do this to me?! We have been trying for a kid for 4 months. I was so excited to go through this experience together but that's wrong. It wouldn't have been together. I'm so glad I'm not pregnant, I can't imagine living this lie while pregnant. I just can't look past this, I feel like such an idiot! How could I not tell? Why wasn't I concerned about never seeing him on the weekends, why didn't I wonder why he took such frequent "buissness" trips, why didn't I question why he was getting so many texts from an "internet company", why? Why, why, why!? Why did he waste my time like this. Why did he hurt me like this. Why the hell did he do this?! I don't even know how to confront him. I can't sleep, I can't even be around someone like that. Someone who could do this to me. I'm so heartbroken. I can't ignore it. My life is a lie, my life is ruined, I don't know how to even try to move on. [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/114rpwp/update_my_husband_has_been_cheating_for_the_past/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Feb 17, 2023 This is an update/extra info. I've gotten into contact with a divorce attorney, (I'm OBVIOUSLY going to divorce him to all the people saying we should just be sisterwives (???)) Pretty small update, but I wanted everyone to also know a bunch of info, because the same questions keep getting asked. So here's the actual UPDATE: I haven't confronted him, after dozens of comments advising me not to. Me and the other girl (I'll give her a fake name now I guess, so lets call her "Jenny" (No her name is not Jennifer)) have been talking, she has agreed to not confront him only because we are married. I did in fact learn that my husband WAS supporting this other family of his, and aparently "Jenny" makes a very low pay check, so she was and is financially dependent on him. Me and Jenny also got two sides of my husband. Me and my husband's life was eerily... good? I guess you could say, never had any huge arguments, (In fact we rarely argued ever, and if we did, It was usually about me wanting him to get a different job, because I was led to believe he was only making 31K a year, which is SUPER low for his occupation.) we had an amazing intimate life, all the normal couple bases. But aparently, he wasn't so nice to Jenny. He was far more distant (Literally also.) Yelled at her all the time, treated her like trash, only for him to bring her amazing gifts and take her out on amazing date nights and tell her how much he loved her the next week. (What the hell?) BUT THATS NOT IT. He loves his daughters OH SO much, (Even though he's screwing over their mom!) and acts like such a good father! That makes me mad, like super mad. I can't even fathom why? He's not 100% trash, shouldn't I be happy? But I'm not. I'm so mad at him. It's eating away at me that i can't just scream at him about how horrible he is. NOW, here's a whole bunch of info, to answer a bunch of questions. How didn't you notice money missing? **Our finances were kept seperate, we also got a prenup when we got married.** How did he keep up visitation during COVID? **Aparently, he didn't. Jenny said that he mostly only called, and facetimed. If she dare brought it up, he'd just hang up on her (Real good guy I know!)** WHY WERE YOU ON HIS PHONE?!?!? **GASP, could it be... my phone was almost dead! So I... USED HIS?! Yes I noticed he had calls from her, but she was saved as "internet company" so I paid little mind. Oh and funny thing is, I'm saved as Spam Call in his phone (Which fun fact, was a joke between us because I used to call him 5 times every day during our early twenties. People used to literally call me spamy. I occasionally got mad at him, because how would he know if it was spam or not?! Pretty fucking mad I didn't get weirded out faster.)** How didn't you figure out via social media?/How did you find her? 1: **I usually only use Facebook to look at stupid memes and talk to friends. 2: I had her phone number, that's how.** Why didn't you text her instead of messaging her? **Got this one as a private message. But I talked to her on facebook because I didn't want him to see my number on her phone somehow. (I know, paranoid and whatever.)** Why don't you just convert, and be sister wives! **Why... Why would I do that?** How didn't you notice?/Why did you get married so young? **Idk, maybe I trusted my parter of 11 years? We got married "young" because he wanted to, and we could.** How could he have the energy to keep up a double life? **I'm not him, I don't know. Honestly, it's beyond me why he would be with me and her at the same time, it makes more sense for him to have been with her full time than me.** What about family? **He told Jenny that he cut his family off years ago (He didn't.) and Jenny grew up in foster care, and was never adopted. Funny thing is, his family probably won't care that he cheated on me, they'll only care that they were dare kept away from their grandbabies!** Oh and edit: JENNY GAVE ME PERMISSION TO TELL ALL THESE THINGS ONLINE AS LONG AS I DON'T GIVE OUT HER ACTUAL PERSONAL INFO. [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/11nzdco/update_my_husband_has_been_cheating_for_the_past/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 10, 2023 Hello everyone, I am back. I've moved out of our house, I'm staying with a friend. We're getting divorced. I confronted him with said friend, just simply because you never know what can happen. But at least I got some form of closure out of this. First off, he wasn't sorry at all. Didn't even ask me to stay, just huffed and said "Okay, if this is what you want." When I asked him why, he just looked up at me. Didn't say a word. I asked him how, how he could keep this up for so long, what did he say? "Because you both went along with it." So of course I asked further. **As many of you guessed, Jenny knew.** for some odd reason she was okay with this?? I still don't understand why she would lie to me instead of idk just blocking me or something. I'll admit I was upset, very upset, and confused. So I asked again Why would you do this? He told me that he was cheating on me with her since the beginning of our dating, that she was just a fling though, and he didn't expect either relationship to really last. But it did! (Woohoo...) When I asked him why to cheat in the first place, **"Because I was young, could get away with it at that time, so why not?"** He fvcking disgusts me. I asked why he married me instead of her. **"Because you were the better choice."** When I asked him to elaborate... he definently elaborated. Jenny didn't have a good job, so she was a "bad investment" (Ew) Jenny was "uglier" (ONCE AGAIN EW.) Jenny wasn't as "good" as me, she wasn't as clean as me, she wouldn't be as good of a partner as me, and so on. I asked why he would even have sex with her if he liked me better? Because she was more "kinky" (For your information, I am not kinky. At all, I'm very vanilla in fact.) I asked about the kids, of course. He clarified that the first kid was an "accident" He literally did the air quotes. (Jenny poked holes in a condom, which he found out about but never confronted her. Of course I don't know if I can trust this) He had a second one with her, because in his mind, he could handle one, so why not two. (What type of dumb fvckery is that?) When I asked about how he treated Jenny, he confirmed that he did in fact, only see her on weekends, but claimed to have never treated her poorly. He said he treated her as "the mother of his children" and "respected her as such." but never treated her as a romantic partner (aparently she's only there to screw, not to love. :)) At the end of it all, he asked if he could talk to me privately. I couldn't find a reason not, so I sent my friend out of the room. He told me that he still "loved me" and that we could work this out if I really wanted to. That he would abandon Jenny and his daughters(But still pay child support) I said no, to which he let out the most DRAMATIC sigh I'd ever heard in my life. Before saying "have it your way then!" Then wearing the most smug smile I've ever seen, like he'd won the biggest battle of all time. I was left conflicted. I cried in my friend's car all the way to his house. It's like my (now ex) could just change everything with a flick of a switch. I can feel myself already wanting him back. But I'm not going back, I'm never going back. I've got a lawyer, (so does he) the papers are signed, all thats left is court. I can't believe how much my life has changed this year. I went from getting giddy to go home to see my husbands smile, to dreading it. Hating it. Wishing to never see it again. I don't know whether Jenny really knew, but I'm guessing she did. I mean how did she not know for 10 years? But that being said, how didn't I know for ten years? Whatever. I just wanted to let reddit know that this is whats happened. (This didn't happen "recently" But I forgot about the whole reddit post. I've got other things to worry about if you didn't notice.. haha..) I don't know what to trust. I don't even want to reach out to "Jenny" I don't even want to know the truth anymore. You know Matthew, if you manage to see this, honestly, I applaud you. Congrats, you did it! You ruined everything. You got away with it for over a decade, and it's finally over. I wonder if you'll go back to Jenny or just find some other girl to trick, to destroy. All I care is that you leave me out of it. I'm looking forward to moving on and minding someone who actually loves me. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/129ogs7/my_husband_has_been_cheating_for_the_past_decade/

129ogs7

My best friend from childhood invited me to her wedding but forgot to assign me a seat. I spent the night alone in a separate room.

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Intelligent-Top-5377 **in** r/bridezillas   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/10uq0vv/my_best_friend_from_childhood_invited_me_to_her/) \- 6th February 2023 My childhood best friend (23F) got married this weekend and I was so excited to be there to support her on her big day. I’m a chocolatier, so the bride asked me if I could create the wedding favours and dessert table. I was ecstatic to help with the wedding and went above and beyond to create a gorgeous table that was a HUGE hit on the day. I was told early on that the wedding was over-budget and to keep costs low, my boyfriend was not invited. I was extremely understanding and even reduced my rates for the sweet table as my present to the couple. A couple weeks later, after reviewing the guest list, the bride informed me that my boyfriend could come as my plus one, but if he did, I would be moved from the head table. My boyfriend is a wedding photographer and is looking to build his videography portfolio. Knowing that the couple didn’t have a videographer, he offered to film a professional wedding video free of charge. The bride was ecstatic and offered to move us to the vendor table so that we could network with the other vendors. We loved the idea and it was confirmed that we would be sitting with the vendors. The day of the wedding, we arrived 4 hours early to help with the event. My boyfriend spent the time filming while I set up the dessert table and helped the event coordinator set the dinner tables. After the ceremony, guests were moved to the cocktail room while the original room was converted into the room for the reception. While helping convert the room, I noticed that our names were not on the seating chart. I asked the event coordinator where we would be sitting and she said “good question” and left to find out. She came back to say that there was no vendor table and that if we were staying for dinner, my boyfriend and I would have to sit in a separate room as we were not on the list. The room was closed off from the reception, so we couldn’t hear or see anything, let alone talk to anybody. I told the event coordinator that we were in fact guests and that we should be moved into the reception room. The event coordinator herself was seated at one of the tables in the room. I told her I was a long-time friend of the bride, and even originally meant to be seated at the head table. However, the event coordinator said she couldn’t do anything about it. I approached the bride to explain the situation. She mentioned that it was definitely a mix-up and that we should be in the room. The bride mentioned that she didn’t want to undermine me as a businesswoman, so she never told the event coordinators that we were friends or that I was a guest. She left the coordination of the vendor table to the event coordinator and left it off of the seating chart. The event coordinator was not made aware that any of the vendors (besides herself and the MC) were staying for the reception and therefore didn’t think to add us in. Although I understand the mix-up, the bride did NOTHING to get us moved to the main room. My boyfriend and I were cut off from the reception with no one to speak to, no way to see or hear, and even had to ask to be fed. As a result, I missed the entire wedding and spent the majority of the evening crying in the bathroom waiting to move the dessert table into the main room after dinner so that we could leave. My boyfriend continued to film everything as he was committed to getting a beautiful video for his portfolio. The next morning I emailed the bride about the experience. She apologized profusely and said she was scatterbrained on the day and didn’t think to do anything about it. She feels extremely guilty and would still like to be friends. I would like to forgive her but I am still extremely hurt.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/bridezillas/comments/10uq0vv/my_best_friend_from_childhood_invited_me_to_her/) \- 20th February 2023 After reading everyone’s responses and doing some reflecting, I’ve come to the conclusion that she’s not my friend. Our relationship in the past few months has mostly consisted of her blowing me off, and me interpreting it as though she was busy. She moved across the country 2 years ago, but flies here often. Most of the couple’s friends and family still live here, which is why they decided to have their wedding here. Every time she’s come to visit, we’ve tried to make plans, which would end with me being blown off. The excuse was always that some last minute thing came up, which is why she didn’t have time to see me. She called me months before her engagement party to let me know that I would be invited to it, but I was never actually invited. I responded to pictures of it online (just saying “gorgeous!”) and she explained that I wasn’t invited because her MIL planned it and didn’t know her friends. Moral of the story - the only time I‘ve seen her within the past year was to do a free tasting for her wedding after she mentioned that she would not finalize her order without a tasting. We had plans to meet up the same week of the tasting, which she blew! I re-read her apologetic email and interpreted it differently the second time. The email mainly followed the structure of “\[excuse\] - but that’s not an excuse”. In one section, she wrote that although she would still like to be friends, she understands that I may not want to and that’s fine. To me it seemed as though she was saying she wouldn’t care if we were to no longer be friends. At the end of the email, she added “PS - we would still like the video”, despite making it a POINT prior to the wedding to let my boyfriend and I know that she couldn’t care less about the wedding video. Although she mentioned in her email that she would make it up to me, I haven’t heard a word from her since I responded back to her email naïvely accepting the apology the day after the wedding. I watched my boyfriend’s rough edit of the wedding video this week and listened to her speech. She added a section where she thanked her friends for “transcending the lines of friends and family”. She called out a long list of names from the friend group. Mine wasn’t included, which sealed the deal for me. Especially since I was so involved in the preparation of the wedding that she wouldn’t have just forgotten my name. Moving forward, I will be a lot more cautious with my circle, and I’ll definitely be more strict with doing business with friends (no more paying out of pocket!). My boyfriend has agreed to not go out of his way to send her the video. If she asks for it, he will send a link to a shortened version on his website. I couldn’t convince him to add a watermark, although that was my favourite solution. Thanks everyone for your recommendations! So - we’ll see if she comes around in a month or so. I will definitely not be reaching out.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/129q96e/my_best_friend_from_childhood_invited_me_to_her/

129q96e

OOP's husband decides to make pot roast "his way"; a worried OOP decides to shares the progress with reddit

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**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/[**wine\_n\_mrbean**](https://www.reddit.com/user/wine_n_mrbean/) **in** r/slowcooking I asked OOP for her permission to post this. These posts include pictures so be sure to click on the links to see them!  \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [ORIGINAL POST](https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/11dl6ia/im_worried_about_this_details_in_comments/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)\- Feb 27, 2023 - **I'm worried about this. Details in comments**. The post is a [picture](https://i.redd.it/qylzwzauvtka1.jpg) of a pot roast and potatoes in a slow cooker. OOP provides more details in the comments: My husband decided he wanted to do a pot roast “his way” in the crockpot. He put a whole unseasoned roast with who knows how many potatoes and filled it with water. Put it on high. And says it needs 24 HOURS. It is not seasoned or seared or anything. Just potatoes, water, and meat. What am I going to come home to from work tomorrow? Edit 1 (post is 1 hr old, pot roast on hour 3): I’ve just received breaking news from my husband. There is one single OXO beef cube in the water. This is an 8L crock pot. Lord have mercy on that one little bullion cube. The pot has a layer of white foam on top. ***RELEVANT COMMENTS*** OOP [notes](https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/11dl6ia/comment/jaa8o0u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) they are an American living in the UK, hence the Pop-Tarts in the background \---*what is his reasoning?* This is the way he’s always made it and it’s his favorite. \---*you know what, then? Ok. As long as your enjoyment isn't mandatory and he won't be offended if you fix yourself something you like, then he should be allowed \[t\]o make a roast the (absolutely bizarre) way he likes every now and then* He will want me to try it. But he will not insist I eat a full meal or anything. The last time I made chili (to bring to a dinner party), I asked him to taste it and he said it was vile (too spicy)…. But he still tried it. So I will do the same. I will try it. \---*What a waste of perfectly good meat. Does he not understand seasoning or does he genuinely like bland food?* I’ve gone into it more in depth on other replies. But he believes that excess seasoning isn’t necessary and the “flavor of the meat” should stand alone. \---*Maybe your husband is trying to convince you that he should never be the one to cook again. By the looks of it, he's making a compelling argument for it.* He has cooked for me before! Usually it’s kinda bland but still edible. This one is next level. \---*No, you can't! If you fix this in any slightest way and put a positive spin on this train wreck, he's going to break his arm patting his own back, and HE'LL WANT TO COOK IT AGAIN!! It must be a disaster the first time around, for the greater good of all mankind.* I will not be altering his recipe in any way \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [FIRST UPDATE POST](https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/11e2hmj/update_on_my_husbands_24hr_pot_roast_link_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)\- Feb 28 2023 - **Update on my husband's 24hr pot roast** *(note that it has been removed by the moderators but can still be accessed in OOP's profile)* The post is a [picture](https://i.redd.it/zpi3utur3yka1.jpg) of the pot roast and potatoes, taken by OOP the next morning. OOP comments: This photo was taken at 8am. Pot roast was 14 hours old. ***RELEVANT COMMENTS*** \---*Why isn’t it simmering? There’s no bubbles that it’s even on.*  Husband made the executive decision (after 7-ish hours) to turn it down to low. It was simmering at some point. \---*And this is why the internet was invented! I’m fully invested in seeing how this turns out now.* I’m actually excited to go home and check on this science experiment. I’m a bit worried he may realize the error of his ways and toss it before I get home from work. \---*Where did the potatoes go?* I think they’re in heaven now. But I assume they’re at the bottom. I didn’t stir it up. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ [FINAL UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/slowcooking/comments/11ef150/i_survived_my_husbands_24_hr_pot_roast_ama/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Feb 28 2023 (about 8 hours later) - **I survived my husband’s 24 hr pot roast. AMA.** The post is a [picture](https://preview.redd.it/ba03qyckwyka1.jpg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=8722e4abebea49a2bae1f41ac4a8691b5bf1b222) of the final product. This is the 24 hr mark. Carrots were added by him aprox 4 hours ago). Not boiling as lid was off for a few min. OOP comments: It’s now been 24 hours. Here are the results: Husband: has proclaimed this pot roast to be delicious. He has come back for seconds. Me: I ate a bite of all of it. The meat tastes obviously very bland and is stringy and hard to chew. The potatoes are vile and I couldn’t swallow the bite I took. The carrots were just carrot flavored mush. 0/10 do not recommend. Additional info: apparently the “24 hr” is how long it takes to cook. This is going to be sitting on ‘warm’ until it’s all gone. I will not be consuming any more of it. It’s only going to get worse.  ***RELEVANT COMMENTS*** \---*Nooooo this is the worst news and not what I expected. Is he being stubborn rather than letting you be right?? lol* No he’s not usually like that. LOL The fact he went back for seconds means he’s being sincere. If he doesn’t like something, he’ll eat it anyway, but won’t go back for more. \---*What was his reaction when you ate little to none of it? Do you explain that you disliked it?* I just said I’m sorry, but I just didn’t like it. He said ok and asked if I wanted him to make me something else. He is a very kind man. \---*Please share the recipe!* Meat, potatoes (peeled and cut into chunks), one beef bullion cube, water. Put meat and potatoes in slow cooker. Fill to max with water. Drop in the bullion. Put the lid on. Turn crock pot on high. Walk away and ask the food gods forgiveness  \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

emcrossley

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12a1gxk/oops_husband_decides_to_make_pot_roast_his_way_a/

12a1gxk

Can I just shame my own toxic MOH for a minute?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/CosmicMoose77](https://www.reddit.com/user/CosmicMoose77/). She posted in r/weddingshaming. I did not add any emojis, and the text is exactly as typed. The screenshots are included in the post link. &#x200B; **Trigger Warning:** >!dog hit by a car but he recovers!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/123sc4i/can_i_just_shame_my_own_toxic_moh_for_a_minute/)**: March 27, 2023** *OP provides screenshots of her messages. I have transcribed them here. MOH is maid-of-honor.* MOH: So I basically need to be there Thursday Night OP: Yup MOH: Or is it all just Friday night OP: Then you can help decorate on Friday with the rest of us crazies 😂 OP: Friday afternoon/evening kinda thing I think MOH: Yeah but I hate your entire wedding party MOH: 😂 OP: Yeah but you have to be nice 😂 MOH: I hop you realize I don't do speeches. No public speaking from me is happening 😂 OP: I'll get \[redacted\] to do one then OP: She's the mc anyway so 😂 MOH: Gross OP: You don't hate my whole party, you haven't even met \[redacted\] yet 😂 MOH: She's related to your boyfriend, so I don't hold much faith there OP: Do you even want to be part of this? You already said you hate the rest of the party, and it sounds like you're determined to have a bad time 😂 MOH: Nope, that's not how it is. I'm just reiterating that I won't pretend to like people that I don't but it's not going to be an issue on my part. Just don't expect me to be fake about it and pretend to like anyone. MOH: Just so you can't give me shit later for the hundredth time about 'having to be nice.' I'm not rude to people I don't like unless they give me a reason, I'm just not going to be fake buddy buddy with them OP: Well you're not going there to support anybody else, you're the maid of honour because you're one of my best friends. But sometimes you made me feel like being maid of honour is a big chore for you, and if that's how you feel I don't want to put you through something you'll hate. Cause I want you to have as good of a time as possible MOH: Obviously that's not intentional, but maybe just how you perceived it. That's exactly the point I'm trying to make, I"m going for you and you alone, not to play fake friends with anyone else. But the time of year is a legitimate concern, that's why I wanted to know exactly when I HAVE to be there by and when I can leave. When it was September, that wasn't as big of... \[post cuts off\] MOH: I don't like \[fiancé\] You know that. I doubt I ever will and we're gonna have to just live with that. 🤷🏼‍♀️ It sucks and I wish I could, but he's just a type of person that I can't stand so I'm not going to pretend. Obviously I'm not going to make an issue about it, it just is what it is. **OOP write more of a 'post' in the comments:** My best friend and I have been friends since high school, like 13+ years. We made this pact that we’d be each others MOH one day. Fast forward to Christmas 2022 when I got engaged. I just assumed she’d be happy and excited, and happy to be MOH. But after I brought up our childish old pact, she said to me “you know, I do have other friends I could ask to be MY maid of honour.” That should’ve been my first clue 🤦🏻‍♀️ A couple days ago we were talking about the wedding, which is now in 6 months. And she was asking me when she had to be there (it’s in the next province over so she has to make plans, which I totally understand). So we were talking about that until she started to shit on the rest of the party AND my fiancé. She’s never made any effort to get to know my fiancé, who has always been nothing but kind to her. She’s always just rude to him every time she sees him, and ignored him any other time. And I’ll also add that she’s dating a guy who hit my dog with his truck, and then defended him saying my dog was chasing him. Her original story when it happened (back in 2018) was that he was driving too fast, but now if I bring it up she says he was driving slow enough. I lived with her on her farm at that point in time. But I’ve still made the effort to get to know her guy, and he feels bad for what happened so I’ve forgiven him. But she will still refuse to actually get to know my fiancé. \*just also adding that my dog is okay, he was just sore for a while. So now I’m just…so so upset. I feel so many things, I feel like I’ve been allowing her toxic behaviour to just roll off my back for far too long and now she wouldn’t expect me to fight back. Drama is the last thing I want at our wedding, but I feel like if I let her be part of it then that’s super disrespectful to my fiancé and my other friends who do actually support us. It just really hurts. ***Relevant Comments: (She posted a lot so I tried to narrow it down)*** *People laugh at the dwindling use of laughing face emojis:* "It’s been my way of coping with serious topics, I try to diffuse the tension with the laughing emoji" "It’s partially because how she and I already normally talk to each other. But also because I’m autistic, have problems with emotions, and I never want to come across as too serious so I add emojis in everything I type. Unfortunately that also means that I don’t always know when NOT to use them" *She is not your friend:* "I really should’ve known that when she wanted to go wedding dress shopping together. She said she wanted to “fake her own engagement” so she could try dresses on with me 🤦🏻‍♀️" *Why does she hate your fiancé/this time of year BS?* "She is the kind of person who will judge someone else within the first 30 seconds of meeting them. And if she doesn’t like the kind of person they are, no matter how nice or awesome they are, she will just hate them forever for it. My fiancé has always been so so nice to her, and she is always so rude and short tempered with him. Even though she’s barely spent more than 5 minutes in the same room as him. The time of year thing, I’m honestly not sure. She’s opening a bar with her boyfriend and probably thinks they’ll be busy" *Is your fiancé abusive?* "If my fiancé is an abuser, then I’m a giraffe! He’s literally the sweetest and kindest man ever. He’s treated me like an absolute dream since we met" *Anyone else have an issue with him?* "Just her. Everybody else loves him and says he’s the sweetest" *A few people insult her (and are downvoted) for being such a doormat, but her response provides more clarity (and honestly more questions):* "Because that’s how we always talk with each other. Maybe I am an idiot for being walked on, but I’ve been like that my whole life. Being raised in a doomsday cult didn’t help, I was always told what to do and who to be. People always walked over me. I was also homeschooled so I didn’t know how to behave around people. I didn’t know how to look for red flags, or what red flags even WERE. I honestly thought this was just how friendships work. And I suppose being autistic never helped either, it just made me more awkward and blind to seeing the manipulation. Sorry I’m not automatically a strong person." "I don’t think I’ve been ok for a while lol. I kinda felt like this wasn’t how regular friends should be, and I’ve even had other people tell me that she’s not a good friend. But I just held on to the past too long" **Update in Comments: March 27, 2023 (4 hours later)** I’m not good at Reddit and don’t know how to edit the actual post, but I fired her. I sent her a message saying her silence told me enough and it’s best if I found someone else to be MOH. Then I told her I was done with her blatant disrespect of not only my friends, but of my future husband. And I’m not putting up with it anymore. No answer back yet, but I pulled the plug. *How new MOH is responding:* "She’s very excited! And she’s proud of me for basically taking the trash out lol" "I already took her out of my bridesmaid Facebook group and banned her from finding it again!" **OOP's Message to MOH kicking her out:** *I have transcribed the text again* OP: You know what? Your silence is enough of an answer. I think it's best if I find someone else to fill the role of MOH. You won't enjoy it at all, and I'll be worried about you the whole time instead of enjoying one of the best days of my life. The fact that you so blatantly disrespected all of my other friends, is complete bullshit and unacceptable. It's not fair to \[redacted\] or the rest of the party. And it's definitely not fair to me. You put me in a horrible position and I'm sick of it. I shouldn't have to play mediator on my wedding day because you don't feel like being nice to my people. Come as a guest if you like, but if you're so against my marriage and \[redacted\] then I think it's best if you don't stand up there with us. **MOH final response:** Former MOH: You literally blew things out of proportion and made up scenarios in your head. Who cares if I don't like all your other friends? Do you think every person at every wedding likes each other? It's not an issue. You don't like some of my friends and I couldn't care less. It's literally not even an issue but you made it into one. Since when do I cause public issues with people? If anything, I just don't make conversation with people. You make it sounds so overly dramatic like I'm out to ruin your life, which is honestly hilarious and kinda hurtful by itself. When I've done nothing but support and try to help you for the last ten years. But seriously, show me one time I ever said I was against your marriage. You came up with that. I don't love the way you guys did some things and I don't think he's the best match out there for you, but it has nothing to do with me so who cares. It doesn't mean I don't support you, Jesus Christ. ***OOP's final thoughts on that above text:*** "You know what? When I finally heard back from her, she immediately tried to turn the tables and make me the bad guy. She blamed me for everything, and yeah not a single apology. Didn’t even acknowledge that she hurt me at all"

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12a8zf9/can_i_just_shame_my_own_toxic_moh_for_a_minute/

12a8zf9

My boyfriend (19M) has given me (19F) an ultimatum on the clothing I wanted to wear

ONGOING

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/ThrowRAhotrock2557 **Posted with the permission of the OOP** TRIGGER WARNING: >!emotional manipulation!< **My boyfriend (19M) has given me (19F) an ultimatum on the clothing I wanted to wear** Originally posted to r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11zm9f0/comment/jde1xm8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x) March 23, 2023 My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) have been together for a few months after taking a break for a year because I moved away for that year(neither of us wanted to do long distance, and neither of us got into a relationship with anyone else). Before that, we were high school sweethearts for two years. Back then, he didn't care what I wore or at least didn't communicate to me that he found certain clothing (shirts with midriff showing, tighter dresses) or me posting vacation pictures (such as me on the beach in a bikini) uncomfortable for him. Now that we have gotten back together, he tells me it is a boundary for him that I wear more modest clothes because he doesn't want other men to see "parts of his girlfriend that only (he) should see." He told he that before, he just felt happy that he got to be with me because he had liked me for years and didn't feel like it was his place to tell me what to wear. Now that we are back together its different. Yesterday we went through my clothes and he told me what he is okay with me wearing and what he isn't. There was one specific dress that I loved and he told me it's a no and I started crying. We almost broke up over this one dress until he asked me what I care more about, him or the dress. Obviously I told him I care more about him. It's very difficult for me because I'm very into fashion and I don't see these clothes as too revealing or sexual at all. I also struggled with body image for years when I was younger and this is taking me back to the mindset of not being able to wear certain clothes because I wanted to hide my body. However, I'm very dependent on him and value his opinion a lot. I don't know what to do. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** razzledazzle626 >Why do you want to be with someone so badly who is this controlling? OOP replied >He got sad when I told him my friends said he was controlling. He tells me I can do what I want but he won't be with me. We were both crying because we didn't want to break up over something as small as clothes but right now we are not talking while he waits for me to choose "the dress or him" Spaniardman40 >It sounds like he is extremely insecure. You need to put your foot down and tell him he cannot control you and what you wear when you want to go out. >Him giving you an ultimatum is really him choosing to have a childish insecurity over a healthy relationship. OOP replied >I asked him if it was an insecurity and he told me part of it is that and part of it is he doesn't want to worry about me getting hit on or hurt somehow, even though he tells me he trusts me it's that he doesn't want the men to "get something out of" seeing me. He said it disgusts him to think about it. He said this is the most important thing to him after not lying or cheating and, out of the blue said "I would rather end up with someone less pretty and less kind than you, then with you if you want to wear tight clothes". He doesn't like leggings either [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/121nwq3/update_on_my_boyfriend_19m_has_given_me_19f_an/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 25, 2023 First of all I wanted to say thank you for all the support and advice on my last post. I read every single comment and wanted to reply but the reply option wasn't available. I am new to reddit; Im not sure why the post was capped and doesn't allow any more comments. After feeling encouraged by your comments, I had the confidence to tell him that I choose being able to wear what I want. I reiterated how important fashion is to me and how his demands were bringing me back to a dark time of negative body image. We came to an agreement that there are fundamental differences in our values and what we want out of a relationship, because I want to be encouraged and uplifted while he wants a girl who's "body is only his to look at." (By the way, I wanted to say that this dress was NOT scandalous. It is tight in some parts, but doesn't show a lot of skin) He told me that we were done. He then blocked me on everything because "if he saw me, he would never be able to get over me." I cried for a couple of hours and then got myself collected. I made an appointment with a therapist and got a membership at a different gym than him. But then 5 hours later, he unblocked me and sent a long paragraph about how he shouldn't have been so hasty and was willing to change to make things work. Yesterday he texted me some more asking to talk in person I agreed to meet up for dinner in a public place. I WORE THE DRESS. He brought me a bouquet of white roses and my favourite chocolate. He told me I look beautiful and that the five hours without me hurt so much and at this point "he doesn't care if i'm walking around naked as long as he's the one i'm with." Can this man's "fundamental values " really change overnight? Also, I felt almost giddy and excited once I was done crying. Now I feel bad for him. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** NASA_official_srsly >Girl NO. He is love bombing you, and it's seemingly working because you're feeling giddy and willing to immediately forget everything he did before. No. This will only last as long as it takes for him to reel you back in, then the control and manipulation will start up again OOP replied >Sorry I didn't phrase the last part very well. I meant that I felt giddy and excited after I stopped crying over him blocking me. Then I saw his name on my phone again, 5 hours later because he had unblocked me and sent a paragraph. Ever since he reached out again I have felt a tense feeling in my stomach and anxiety because I don't know what to believe. When I saw him for dinner and he gave me the bouquet of roses I felt super guilty and confused. monettegia >Please don’t feel bad for him. He doesn’t give a shit about your feelings and he is trying to play on your sympathy. I’m sure he actually is unhappy to lose you because you sound awesome and you’re his “property” but this is all straight-up manipulation. No way this man is going to change. OOP replied >I felt awful when I left after dinner he was sitting on the curb crying in my rear view mirror. He wanted to kiss me but I told him I really can't do that right now yesterday he told me it was over. Part of it is I feel really bad for him to lose me because he doesn't have a lot of good people in his life, his mother is horrible to him and he's failing classes etc I was the one always there for him, I drove him to school, I encouraged him to reach out to his professors to see if he can save his grades. I want him to be okay because he's been such a huge part of my life and he's telling me he's not going to be okay with out me. LittleSausageLinks >Sounds like my ex and it’s a cycle that goes on and on and on and on. >Don’t take him back. He has not changed. Please. >watch [this](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1L6HB97lbrQ&feature=youtu.be) video please >Please dont become a victim like I did. OOP replied >Thanks for sharing, I just watched it and it scared me because it's so accurate. I have my mom holding me accountable now to not get back with him **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12am4u6/my_boyfriend_19m_has_given_me_19f_an_ultimatum_on/

12am4u6

Boyfriend wants to be poly.

CONCLUDED

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/polynotgf **Boyfriend wants to be poly.** Originally posted to r/offmychest TRIGGER WARNING: >!emotional abuse, emotional manipulation!< MOOD SPOILER: >!hopeful for OOP!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/yux1xp/boyfriend_wants_to_be_poly/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Nov 14, 2022 This is a long story… We’ve been dating for 8 years, working together for 7 of those years. 5 of those we started our own business with another friend. In 2020, BF’s father catches COVID. Beats it in January, transferred to a recovery home, due to malpractice passes away unexpectedly in March 2021. BF becomes distant for obvious reasons, I try to support him the best I can emotionally while running our business. Fast forward to October, he tells me he wants to go visit his friends a town over by himself. I think none of it but seeing he’s trying to get back to his lively self. I get a call around 5 about “How angry will you be if I go do spooky stuff without you?” I was a little upset since I felt left out but said sure. He kept texting me until 10 - saying he’d be home in a bit. Then turns off his phone. He finally turns it back on at 7, makes an excuse about being too drunk to drive home and didn’t feel like arguing. I’m livid.. not to mention it was our anniversary weekend. We talked it through.. and moved on with the event in the back of my mind. November continued with him having weekends wanting to go out with friends but returning home on time. I couldn’t shake my gut feeling… We go on a vacation just the two of us out of the country. He passed out drunk from drinking with some strangers. I can’t help myself and look through his phone. “I miss you. Wish you were here”. My stomach dropped and I resist all urges to smother him in his sleep. I confront him the next morning since he was too drunk to function. He accuses me of ruining the vacation. “Why now?” I felt betrayed & angry. He promised to never contact her again. “She meant nothing. “ Less than a week go by, and he tells me he needs to talk to her. They were just friends. He insisted. That they had connected over his father’s death & she had been emotionally supporting him. I suggest us going to couple therapy, he immediately shoots it down. I told him to do whatever he wanted since he couldn’t keep a simple promise with someone that meant nothing. I had fallen into a horrible depression & went to doctor to get some meds before I hurt myself. Few weeks go by and he brings up he wants us to have an open / poly relationship…. with her. Hell no. While it wasn’t first time he brought up a open relationship the thought of her in my life revolted me. He continues to harass me for the next few months until I finally agree in June due to an ultimatum. “Poly or I continue to cheat on you. I can’t do monogamous” I immediately regretted opening the door. He begins spending more time with her. Going on trips. We continue to distance. He begs me to meet her, to give her a chance, I do. Nothing changes. He finally realizes our business is not doing well due to his negligence. Plans to start helping more & scheduling properly to assure we are all getting the proper time. Similar to how most people complain, getting home late to stare at his phone - really didn’t count as spending time with me. I find out from a friend that he had taken her to dinner with friends. (Supposed to be a secret). I confront him over the phone since I’m out of town. He said it didn’t mean anything but I felt hurt. We talk it through before hanging up he asks “How mad will I be if I take her to see my uncle” I hang up on him not wanting to continue to fight. He opened yet another door, now family. By September, I had enough. I told him I was tired of being ignored, toxic and depressed. He asked if I had found someone new… I just didn’t want to continue being in a poly relationship with people that had betrayed me. I felt a third wheel in my own relationship. He begged me once again, new plan. I agree with the exception that we go to couples therapy. Month goes by, still no therapy. I’ve had enough and bring it up again. I wanted him out of my house, I wanted us to break up unless he left her. He brings up reason he’s with her is because I don’t provide him with what he needs, to be desired & intimate. We’d always struggled with him in the past. Our drives are completely the opposite. We talk, we hash out a plan. Again. Final straw. Her or me. I wanted to work on us, rebuild our relationship, find each other. Be happy. He agreed but that it needed to be next time he saw her that he didn’t want to do it over text. OK. They had plans to go to Halloween. I show interest in what they are doing since he’s going to be gone Friday/Saturday. He asks me if I want to come that it’d be nice if I get along with her. I snapped. It’s been two months of me telling him I feel like I’m on thin ice over our situation. He said he didn’t realize he had a timeline to break up with her. I ask him what would be a good date for him then. He said end of January after their cruise. I felt defeated. I asked him that OK then he couldn’t stay with me while he was with her that he needed to find his own place. I’m done. I give up. I stared into space as he muttered these while packing. “You are throwing me away.” “I’m sorry I exist.” “I didn’t realize I meant nothing to you.” “If I’m not with you, I’m leaving her too” “Good Luck tonight. I’m going to go cry myself to sleep.” After a week, I caved… Let him back home. Couldn’t stand him saying he was homeless. I feel empty now when I’m with him. I made it clear I didn’t want the person who triggers my betrayal trauma in my life but he’s adamant I won’t like the next person he finds. We started talking again… Holidays coming up. She’s upset since she’s unsure how if he’s going to spend them with her. His birthday is coming up. Asked him what he wanted… Said it’d be nice if all 3 of us could get lunch or dinner. I told him, if I did - to be 100% clear; still doesn’t mean I want them in my life. I’d like to run away. But feel trapped due to our business & life. I do still somewhat love him but right now I feel numb. If I let myself feel, I know he’s just going to hurt me. The constant rollercoaster has been hell. I know I don’t want poly but it’s hard to leave someone you’ve built a life with. Getting this off my chest has really helped. I don’t have a support group to talk to. Trying to focus on myself, and my journey. been in therapy for a few months now… time to focus on my health & my life. Journey to “A functional unicycle” Edit: I do want to clarify a few things. I don't own our business, I've invested a lot of time & money into it. The only reason I don't want to leave our business is that I love what I do and I love the people. We also sat him down in August with the other executives to talk about his absence from the business, and he's been turning that around. I don't want to come off as completely innocent. He did sit me down multiple times to talk about my lack of intimacy but we never worked together to resolve this in the past. This problem has only gotten worse with everything above. I don't think I mind poly, I mind being in poly with people who have betrayed me. They don't seem to understand how their actions have affected me. This part hurts the most. [Update- 4 months later](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/123nt8e/update_boyfriend_wants_to_be_poly/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) March 27, 2023 Ahoy there! I want to start off by thanking everyone for their comments in the last post. Honestly, as harsh as some of them were - they were in line with how I felt. I wanted to “get it off my chest” as a therapy mechanism, and it worked. I even showed him the post, which he tried to defend I colored him in the wrong light (OK, bruh. You cheated WTF?) TLDR: He moved out, I’ve never been so relieved in my life. I’m still trying to figure out the business. I’d posted the original before Thanksgiving when I was struggling the most as the previous year was when all my bells were ringing. I spent Thanksgiving with my family and it felt so refreshing to be by myself. When I came back, I went through the motions of masking - It was almost Christmas, His birthday was coming up, his dead father’s birthday and it was just hard for the both of us on these dates. The week before Christmas we had plans to have Christmas early with his family. I was flying later that week to spend Christmas with mine. I don’t remember how the argument started but it ended with my yelling at the top of my lungs that I didn’t want to be with him anymore and I didn’t want that other woman in my life. PERIOD. Full fucking panic attack but I was going to get that point across. He waited till I calmed down and asked if I still wanted to go… Obviously, no. He went by himself and I spent the day thinking. He spent the night at her place and I woke up with a plan the next day. I grabbed all the family & friends’ presents. All his friends & family. I drove and dropped them all off. He texted me that morning - asking if I could attend if he wanted me to go. I told him no, I had no interest. On the way to drop the gifts off, I switched my flight to that same night. He came back later that day and without a word, I grabbed my stuff & left. He didn’t even know I was flying out till he saw my location in another state. I was done. Basically told him, I wasn’t coming back until he left my house. By the beginning of 2023, he was out of my house and I came back a week later. Walking into a semi-empty house, I thought was going to be hard but I was so relieved to have my house by myself. I was free. I’m free. I’ve spent the last few months really focusing on myself. I spent some time and money refurnishing the place to make it “Mine”. I spent the last few weeks traveling by myself and loving every second of it. I have no one stressing me out when things aren’t perfect, I have no one to ask me what we are eating. I just live how I want and do what I want. And it’s GREAT! I’ve realized how much gaslighting and brainwashing I’ve withstood in the past years in the name of “love” & care for someone else. Ladies, trust your guts. TRUST YOUR GUTS. He literally purposely made me feel like I was going crazy on purpose to satisfy his needs. That is so fucked. I finally got my answers in the end, and I’ve never been so satisfied. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t crazy. It’s over. Cheers to that. For anyone out there struggling with a similar situation, I can't suggest focusing on getting out or therapy. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse. It comes in different shapes and sizes. You should be your #1. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Tall-Palpitation-710 >Just a question... Did he accept the break up? because in your update seems like he just left and didn't bother you at all after that day you finally finish the relationship. OOP replied >He messages me almost every day. I've made it clear unless it's business or something shallow I'll reply. Any time he crosses a line I point out and distance myself. **I am not The OOP**

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12anfd3/boyfriend_wants_to_be_poly/

12anfd3

My(f15) sister(f10) hasn't eaten since dad hit her on Sunday for making us late to church

INCONCLUSIVE

I am not the OP. These posts were made by u/throwramashed I followed this post two years ago when it was trending at the top of r/ relationship advice, and OOP recently made an update in January due to many people who reached out with well wishes including myself. I asked permission to repost due to the sensitivity of the topic, and she said it was fine since r/ relationship advice no longer allowed posts from those under 18 unlike when she originally posted. Her update comes from r/AskParents Trigger Warning: >!physical/mental/emotional child abuse!< Mood Spoiler: >!upsetting/disheartening!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/q6wnmh/myf15_sisterf10_hasnt_eaten_since_dad_hit_her_on/) \- October 10, 2021 (her update was made at the bottom of this post) My dad and a few other men were installed as church trustees on Sunday and stood with the pastor on stage, and they had to do it for both services. It was announced that he was voted in during a church event where they voted for the members, and we were all there to support him. He also went shopping for what we wore on Sunday too and wanted all of us to look really nice. Dad always yells whenever we're running late, and most of the time, he's yelling at my sister (Carol) because she takes too long to get dressed, and in the past, he's thrown or hit things too. He kicked a chair in the dining room pretty loud when we were younger, and he also threw something that put a hole in the wall too. I used to get spanked for taking too long, but that was a long time ago With dad being installed on Sunday, he wanted us there really early, but when my sister was taking a long time like she normally does, he began yelling at her and cursing too, and I tried to help her get dressed in the past after finishing my stuff early, but he'll yell at me and says she "has to do it herself". I've snuck into her room to help her when dad doesn't want me to because mom won't help her and is too afraid to say anything to dad. He also yells at her and curses at her too. However, this Sunday, he had me and mom wait in the car when we were done, and he did this before too. Carol wasn't done though, and when dad came out, she wasn't with him, and when he came in the car, he said she wasn't going. When I asked why, he said she "wasn't listening" and a bunch of other things that I don't want to write, but basically calling her "stupid" and stuff like that, along with how we were already late. He's left her home before when she was sick or me in the past or if we're running really late, so I didn't think too much of it However, when we got back, my sister was still crying in her room, and she had a bruise on her cheek as well. When I asked her what happened, she said that dad hit her, and she also hasn't eaten since as it's now Tuesday and has refused to eat with us at all. When I told mom what happened and she saw for herself, she said that she would talk to dad, but that was on Sunday and she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. I don't know if she talked to dad, but when I tried to talk to him, he told me to mind my business and that I "used to be just as bad at her age", but when I told him that he wasn't right, he just yelled at me and mom saw and wouldn't do anything, and she also hasn't gone to school the past few days either because mom told them that she wasn't feeling well. How can I help her when they refuse to do anything and just yell at me for bringing it up? Unless she's eating when I'm not around, she hasn't eaten much of anything since Sunday morning. I want to tell someone, but if I do, I'm afraid that they won't be able to do anything to help, so I want to ask how I should in case I try to do that. I just need help because they won't help me at all *Edit: I am leaning towards telling a teacher tomorrow. I was just afraid of nothing happening and getting further punished because mom keeps defending him and would maybe say I'm lying. I'm also going to take a photo of the bruise, since they aren't allowing my sister to leave the home or go to school until the bruise heals. I'm also going to try and sneak her food because dad said that she's "not allowed to eat if she refuses to eat with the family", which is why sneaking her food is hard, but I'll try after they go to sleep I'm thinking although I know that she needs it at earlier hours too* [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskParents/comments/q6wnmh/myf15_sisterf10_hasnt_eaten_since_dad_hit_her_on/) \- January 23, 2023 (her update was made at the bottom of this post) I wanted to come back to this as something else happened recently that made me upset, but also because a lot of people were asking if we were okay. Things just got really crazy which was why I didn't check Reddit for a bit, but I got a lot of messages asking if we were okay when I came back to vent about something else. I tried to make a new post, but [r/relationship\_advice](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/) doesn't seem to allow updates under 18 anymore, and I will be turning 18 in a few months. The other subreddits I posted to were also locked, so that left me with here to make an update I mentioned that my dad didn't allow my sister to go to school until the bruise healed, and a lot of people told me to tell a teacher. I did tell a teacher, but I don't think anything major happened. My sister didn't go back to school until it healed, and I got punished for telling her. I'm guessing someone from the school called my parents, and that led to a big talk with my parents about how someone in the school called or spoke to them My parents used to spank me in the past, but they didn't hit me when we talked. They took away privileges including my phone, laptop, not allowing me to see friends, and I was 15 when we talked. They also yelled at me, and I didn't get to see some friends for months because my parents said I "made up lies about them". I was also taken out of sports at a place I used to play at after school, and me telling the teacher just became a big thing My sister said she didn't say anything about being hit upon returning to school because it would've caused more trouble, and our parents told her not to. I didn't know that they told her that until too late, but things have been better with her and my parents since. But for me, things have been worse I mentioned that I was gonna try to talk to my aunt, and I told her what happened after my parents told her to deny it. She said that the school should've called CPS and that she would because it wasn't the first time dad hit us. He hit me in the past for not wanting to go to church, and mom's slapped me across the face for church too I told auntie about how telling the school got me in trouble, and she said she didn't want me to get hit for telling her, so she said she'd call CPS herself without talking to my parents beforehand. She also said that the teacher could've called CPS already, but that another call would add to the record for the future, and she told me to tell her if he hit us again Dad has not hit me since (maybe because he's afraid of people finding out now), but he began treating me differently since telling the school/CPS because he said it could "gotten him cancelled" if people outside of church learned about it. Some people suggested telling people in the church about how he hit us, but I don't think that would work because they're really popular, and dad was reelected as trustee since my first post (which really bothers me for how people see him) They're still mad at me for telling others, and I haven't been allowed to work as part of punishment. I hope that that can change once I'm 18, but they said that college is "off the table" as a result. I honestly don't want their help because I'll just be tied to them for 4 more years, and my sister doesn't talk to me much either. She said she didn't want me to tell anyone back then, and she's 12 now I never thought telling my teacher would result in everything that happened (such major punishments), but I'd do it again honestly. Mom said I could've been disowned for trying to get them in trouble too. I'm just trying to see how I can move out with no work experience thanks to their punishment, but also hoping I can repair things with my sister before I move out because we're no longer close, and I think it's because she's afraid to go against them. I just feel like I'm running out of time to connect with her before I turn 18, and she's been distant for over two years

MadisonBrave

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12ay1sr/myf15_sisterf10_hasnt_eaten_since_dad_hit_her_on/

12ay1sr

I am breaking up with my boyfriend over milk

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/throwaway_milks. They posted in r/TrueOffMyChest Fun fact to cover up spoilers: since this has to do with milk, a milk fun fact. Apparently in ancient Russia, frogs were put in milk buckets to keep the milk from going sour. And it actually works! **Trigger Warning:** >!abuse; blackmail; violence; attempted kidnapping!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP is ok but bleak!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11vxj1h/i_am_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_over_milk/)**: March 19, 2023** (English is not my first language) I live with my boyfriend and we've had conflicts now for over 5 months because of milk. Approximately 6 months ago I found out I'm lactose intolerant and it made me change all my diet to avoid stomach ache and nausea in which is working pretty well. I do not expect my bf to change his diet to acostume ***(editor's note- probably accommodate)*** me, so we've been buying our own groceries to not impact one another. In my country plant-based milk and lactose free products are much expensive but since I love my cheese and milk, I buy it anyway. The problem is that my partner eats it all when I'm not home and doesn't replace it by buying more. I don't mind sharing food, but it's really disrespectful of him to not leave some for me. He knows lactose is something my stomach can't handle, but he still eats and drinks my products when I'm not around. It made us fight a lot of time and it's been on going for 5 months until now. This morning seeing less than 100ml of my almond milk made me go absolutely crazy due to the fact I was more than 10 hours awake after my shift in the hospital and just wanted some latte. He keeps saying is not a big deal, but the fact that he chooses to consume my stuff and refuses to admit his mistakes makes it unbearable. How my boyfriend treats me is absolutely outrageos and it made me see that he doen't treat me as an equal due to how many disrespect I've been enduring. I can't take it anymore. EDIT: I bought a plane ticket to return to my parents home. My boyfriend (soon to be ex) thinks we are okay since I've been quiet after he yelled at me saying I was overreacting. I've sent a message to my boss and she said it is fine for me to work online. EDIT 2: I was thinking about writing a letter to my boyfriend since this was my first relationship Dear bf, I am leaving, leaving a five year relationship in which was full of red whom I couldn't see due to my rose tinted glasses. My favorite nickname that you gave me was doll, but now it makes me want to puke. The naive old me thought it was because you loved my dark hair and my love for pink, but now looking back maybe it was because how dumb I looked just to please you by obeying every single word like a spell. I know deep in my heart you will blame me for the breakup or maybe the milk. None of these were the issue, you are the problem. Everytime you disrespected me by consuming my almond milk was like someone slowly plucking petals because every single act of disregard made my love for you die. Honestly, this fate couldn't be prevented. We know where we are in each other heart, the only mistake was making you the priority when I clearly wasn't. Thank you for being my first, but unfortunaly you won't be my last. Goodbye. ​**Update (Same Post): March 22, 2023 (3 days later)** UPDATE: Yesterday was a bit chaotic, so I didn't had the chance to log on reddit. While my ex was at college, me and my 4 friends packed everything I bought over the years. The only thing I left behind was our engagement ring, photos and the house keys. I left the heavy and big stuff at my friends house and she will be shipping it to my parents home (god bless her). I arrived during the night at my homecity and my phone wasn't even on, so for several hours peace was there for me. No more screaming, no more disrespect and no more stolen milk. Today when I finally turned on my phone, there was more than 74 calls from him. The messages were between begging me to come home and "talk it out" to threatening to expose my nudes, tell everyone about my ADHD, find me and make me regret. I am quite afraid of it, so I showed my parents these texts. We are planning to spend several days at our beach home in another state until it is safe and get a police report. I don't know what will happen after I file a report since in our country (Brazil) the police is a failure. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12597ti/update_i_am_leaving_my_boyfriend_over_milk/) **2: March 28, 2023 (9 days from OG Post)** Hi, it's me again and today I'm going to give you all some bad news. In my last update, I told you all about travelling to my beach house in Bahia and it saved my life. Here is awesome, I missed being sun kissed and having so much fun at the beach. As I mentioned before, travelling to my family's beach house was what kept my life since my ex boyfriend wanted to fulfill his promises of bringing me home at whatever cost. Before leaving, I told the building administration that my ex is not allowed to enter the condominium since he's a threat. This morning my parents received a call from the doorman saying they called the police because my ex boyfriend showed up and tried to find me. He was able to enter since I've forgot to delete his face ID, but fortunely this monster was stopped at the reception. At first, he tried to talk to the staff saying it was all a misunderstand and we're back together, but they asked for proof and this idiot couldn't even provide for it. He became very violent and tried to attack the staff, so they called the police. When they started searching him and his bag, it was found a pair of knives, gloves and plastic bags. Now he's in the preventive detention. I am still shaken up at the possibility of me being murdered by him, so this will be my final update since we will be suing him. The fact that it was all caused by milk is really chocking because it made me see that the man I almost married is a monster. Thank you all for the support and advices, I don't know why but my comments aren't showing up but I want to say I'm really grateful for everything. EDIT: To those who are harassing me at my DMs demanding proof, I have only a thing to say: I don't care what you think. For the sake of my privacy, there won't be any information about the condo, the CCTV footage, nothing. This is confidential information. I am a victim, stop harassing me for "proof". I think the only way for you all to believe is if I have been really murdered and have my face at the news. Please stop and leave me alone. ***OOP's Comment:*** "I will try to make some updates. I think this will be my personal journey of healing." **Edit- OOP commented on this post:** Hi, I am the OP and thank you for posting about my story, hopefully it will be a warning to other girls. I can't update about the legal stuff here, but now I'm really well. My mind still tells me about what would've happened if we really married him (our wedding was scheduled in the beginning of 2024) and how dangerous it would've been to me. Ladies, stay safe and please seek help if needed. I know it's hard, but your life is more important than a man.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12b8sup/i_am_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend_over_milk/

12b8sup

AITA for refusing to honor my boyfriend's family's tradition?

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Subatancial\_Oracle](https://www.reddit.com/user/Subatancial_Oracle/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole and her post is still one of the top posts for this month. &#x200B; **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/122ftys/aita_for_refusing_to_honor_my_boyfriends_familys/)**: March 26, 2023** My boyfriend Eric (29M, fake name) and I (27F) have been dating for three years. For context, I have met his family and they are friendly. We don't meet them very often because they live in my bf's home country. I don't want to reveal country names either for privacy reasons but my bf and I are of different nationalities and we both work in my country. The conflict happened during our last visit last weekend. We have been looking up houses to move in together and engagement rings. While we were having dinner, we mentioned this to his family as it's a big step in our relationship for us(we are not engaged yet.) His parents and brothers expressed their happiness for us then out of nowhere his youngest SIL asked "So is she going to take the test?" I asked "what test?". In summary, bf's family has this tradition where the future MIL tests future daughters-in-law to see if they are good enough for her sons. Apparently, his mother and aunts went through the same test. The tests include how clean they can keep a home, how well they can cook, their manners, etc. Basically life skills most people learn from childhood. I found it ridiculous because 1. If I'm good enough for my boyfriend, he should be the one deciding it. and 2. I don't fit in their targeted category. In his mom's words, you can't be a good SAHW and SAHM if you can't be a good homemaker and she wants to make sure of that. To be clear, his mom and all three of his brothers' wives are SAHMs and although I respect their choice, I am not quitting my career and did not under any circumstances make my bf think I could compromise on that. I hate house chores and I would rather buy homemaking gadgets and hire staff no matter the cost than have to do chores myself. I told my bf's mom all this and it caused an argument that eventually ruined dinner and in extension our visit. Bf doesn't care whether I'm a working wife or a SAHW but he thinks I should have just done the test because "it's just a test" and it's not like they would reject me if I failed it. He thinks it's a fun tradition that everyone was looking forward to and I should have gone along with it anyways. My boyfriend thinks I'm the AH and suggested I make this post. If I really am the asshole, I'm sure you guys will let me know so am I? EDIT: Adding this as it's been coming up. I know disclosing the country may or may not bring up some unwanted arguments that will violate the rules here. But just for context, it's a family tradition, not a national culture. ***Relevant Comment:*** *More about the history of this "Tradition"* "One of those things that one family member does and it's passed down for generations. Like baking a huge cake on the anniversary of someone important in the family. Not everyone in that country does it but it's a family tradition. I don't know if my example makes sense but this is how I understood it." "I'm not sure if the results mean anything. All I know is that if it's a cooking test for example, I'd have to cook a nice meal for the family and receive their approval based on how delicious it is. And trust me, they will be convinced I'm trying to take revenge on them if they ate my food. So there's that. But now that you mentioned it, his mom cooks like a 5-star chef and so do his SILs (the two whose food I've tasted). Maybe they passed the test? Idk, I'll have to ask my bf." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Subatancial_Oracle/comments/124vw6p/update_aita_for_refusing_to_honor_my_boyfriends/)**: March 28, 2023 (2 days later)** Several things have happened since my post and I received requests for an update so here it is. This will be my only update. I got a lot of insight from the votes and comments in my original post and I would like to thank you all for that. I showed my bf the responses and judgment on the original post. Most of you felt I was NTA and like you would guess, he was upset by this judgment. He tried to make his own post but was TA-ed so badly he deleted it in less than an hour. Anyway, I talked to my family and told them about the test. Yesterday they called us home for dinner and told him they would let me take his family's test if he let my dad and male cousins put him through a similar test. He blew up about how ridiculous it is because it's a family tradition for his family but for mine it's something we came up with at random. He ended up saying it's okay if I don't do the test but my parents and I were being childish. he let slip mid-argument that his youngest SIL didn't want to do the test either but look at her, the perfect wife. He said a lot of things but long story short, he is still supportive of whatever I want to do with my life after marriage but his family will never think the same way. However, I was starting to see a pattern so I asked to take a break. It was great while it lasted. It's not a fun or cute update but there you go. ~~Time for me to binge-watch heartbreaking movies with a giant tub of ice cream.~~ Once again, thank you for the comments and judgment. ***Editor's note- OOP did not link her ex's post and pointed out a post that seemed like a parody of her own.*** **Edit-** OOP clarified it is **NOT** this post. [**https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/123bo7x/comment/jdu1d18/**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/123bo7x/comment/jdu1d18/) **Edit 2: OOP left one more comment today:** "It's still sucks being me for now but between work and getting home fast so I can read some chapters or play at least one of my games before I nod off, I barely have time to think about my ex. The tiniest chance that I could give it another chance vanished when he started spamming my phone with mysognistic crap like I'll be single forever if I don't bow my head. Good riddance lol"

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12b8t6t/aita_for_refusing_to_honor_my_boyfriends_familys/

12b8t6t

AITA For making my Brothers wedding reception "about me"?

ONGOING

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/DepartureOld6400](https://www.reddit.com/user/DepartureOld6400/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!ablism!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!better but still issues!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/124bxls/aita_for_making_my_brothers_wedding_reception/)**: March 27, 2023** I (25F) am a bridesmaid to to the fiancée (30F) of my older brother (31M). She and I aren't particularly close but I don't dislike her and I suspect she asked me just because i'm my brothers sister. I of course agreed and I was even fine with her putting me in whatever style she wanted so long as it didn't involve me cutting/dyeing my hair you know any major changes. It's not my day I can suck up an ugly dress and act like it's gorgeous if that makes her happy. The issue however is that i'm a wheelchair user. I know that the wedding venue is fine for me as it's our local church, totally accessible so all good. It's the venue being used for the reception that worries me. I asked her where the reception was going to be and if it was accessible for me and had an accessible bathroom, you know just covering my bases. She didn't get back to me. I figured she was busy so left it a week or so before chasing her up again to reask. She told me she wasn't sure so I asked where it was and she told me. I ended up looking up the building and my heart sank, it is an old building, not accessible at all for me and no bathrooms I could feasibly use either. I told her this and she got very upset saying my brother had told her that he'd cover the cost and she should just pick whatever she loved and that she loved this. She then went on to suggest that we could just have someone carry me into the building and my family or the other bridesmaids could help me use the bathroom when needed which the very idea of mortified me. I'm not about to agree to being carried in and needing help to go to the bathroom. I ended up giving her two options, if she wanted me at the reception she needed to pick somewhere that was accessible. If she didn't pick somewhere accessible then i'd of course still be her bridesmaid at the wedding but i'd have to skip the reception. She got upset at this as she feels like everyone especially my family will notice my absence and question it and it'll make her look bad. She then told me I was making this about me which wasn't fair when it was her day. I won't lie at this point I was enraged, I wanted to tell my brother to let him sort this but I wasn't about to start shit between them over this and I pointed out to her that yes this was her day and I had no intention of making about me however by marrying my brother she was joining our family and she needed to realise that she was not as sensitive as she thought she was and suggesting that I be carried into the building and aided going to the bathroom was downright insulting. This led to a larger fight and she told me if my brother didn't already know I was her bridesmaid that she'd not want me to be it anymore. I called it quits at that point and told her she had my two options and it was up to her which she wanted. Am I the asshole here? I don't feel like asking for the minimum accessibility is a lot but maybe i'm too upset by the situation and her suggestions to see it clearly. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about why she hasn't gone to brother yet:* "That's a good idea, I may have to talk to him about this. He is not at all inconsiderate which is why i've been hesitant to get him involved as I know with most people he'd get angry over this and I don't want to start a fight with them, he likely assumed it was obvious that any venue needed to be wheelchair accessible." *About the fiancée:* "I really hope it's not an indication of a cruel streak as I don't want to think that of her. I'm really hoping it's just the stress of the wedding getting to her but maybe I should bring it up to him before they get married to be safe. I will likely discuss this with my parents to and get them to weigh in on this matter." *More about the building/where she lives:* "The UK and yes there are however historic buildings are a grey area and so long as actual weddings aren't being held there they don't have to be fully accessible." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): March 28, 2023 (next day)** Hi everyone here's an update to the situation, as many of you suggested I checked in with my Brother and told him what was going on and I found out that the reason he'd left the reception to her was they'd made an agreement with him covering the ceremony and she'd cover the reception. We're Catholic so he cared more about the religious side of the event while she cared more about the reception/party as she's not religious which isn't a bad thing just different. I showed him the texts and explained what had happened, he was pissed off at her suggestion I be carried into the building and assisted in going to the bathroom and after only a quick search of the venue she'd picked he could also see it wouldn't work out for me and promised he'd resolve this and have a talk with her. He was annoyed at me for not bringing this to his attention sooner and told me I shouldn't worry about his feelings over this. The best part of all of this? the venue isn't even booked yet, he had assumed she'd pick out somewhere accessible but has admitted that he should have ensured that and not thought it a given so he has told me he'll see it's changed and if it isn't they have a bigger problem on their hands. The part that really got to him though was the admission that she didn't want me as her bridesmaid if he didn't already know and he told me in that case he didn't want me being her bridesmaid and instead wanted me to be his groomswoman which I agreed to. I've yet to hear back from him on what's happening, so I can only wait and see. I'll update further when I know more. ***Relevant Comments:*** "Basically what she implied was that my brother had told her the skys the limits and to not worry about price as he'd cover it so long as she loved it. I do think he likely just assumed it was a given that it needed to be wheelchair accessible as they've been together so long and she knows me."

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12b8vq2/aita_for_making_my_brothers_wedding_reception/

12b8vq2

TIFU by letting my niece and nephew use my PSN account, and ruining my girlfriend's holiday.

CONCLUDED

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/A_Sad_Frog **in** r/tifu   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/c0ybsw/tifu_by_letting_my_niece_and_nephew_use_my_psn/) \- 15th June 2019 Maybe you already know where this is going. My niece and nephew are the best niece and nephew an uncle could ask for. They're bright, kind, good-natured kids. My niece (who we'll call L), and my nephew (who we'll call W) don't have many games on their PSN account, so being the cool stupid uncle I am, I game them access to my PSN account, to play my far superior collection of games. All was well for about a month. I knew they couldn't buy games on the account because all payments require a card verification number. But imagine my surprise yesterday when I get this message on facebook... "A\_Sad\_Frog, can you check your bank? " It was my brother in law. L and W's father. "W is playing Fortnite and he has 65,000 V bucks, is this normal?" My heart stopped. Their parents are great people, but not particularly savvy with gaming / consoles / microcurrency. I went to my transaction history on PSN, and nearly threw up when I saw this(identifying details have been cropped out): All told, £422.90 ($531) had been siphoned out over a week, with most of the bombardment happening yesterday. By the time I got back into to account to assess the damage, 20,000 vbucks had already been spent. I saw that the Playstation wallet can be topped up before each purchase, so they must have paid for it by first buying wallet currency, which apparently didn't require a code. That's FU number 1."Tell them to stop what they're doing. Shut off your PS4. I have to sort this out". I immediately unhooked any bank cards from the account, and looked at what my options were. NOTHING. PlayStation store doesn't have protections against accidental purchases like this, and the best they can do is refund the amount back into your playstation wallet. This is money that can never be accessed again, except for buying games or motherF*ng V bucks or some other bullsh*t currency. For all intents and purposes, I have lost that money. The bank can't do anything about it. So here's where it gets really messed up. FU number 2. My girlfriend is visiting family in the US, and was storing her savings for the trip in that account. She will have expenses sorted because she's staying with family, but she will be going with virtually zero spending money now, and they had a number of activities planned which she likely can't take part in now. That was a very difficult phonecall, and she handled it better than I ever could have expected, and far better than I deserved. I'm not mad at the kids. I genuinely don't think they meant it. I'm mad at myself. I didn't think it was possible, but then I should have done more research. I feel so terribly terribly guilty for putting my girlfriend in this situation, the kids are upset that they did it, their parents are currently suffering from stage 4 embarrassment cancer, and all around the whole thing is just F'ed. We're not a rich couple, and this one has hit us both pretty hard. So, fair warning, double check that your payment security features on PSN are set up properly or you could end up getting thoroughly shafted as we did. **EDIT:** A couple of people have mentioned that we get email notifications on a purchase. This is true, but it's set up on a different email that wasn't set up on our phones to notify us. It would have dramatically improved the outcome of this if we had done that. FU number 3 confirmed. **UPDATE #1:** Playstation support was closed for phonecalls today, so it will be tomorrow (monday) when I can contact them. **TLDR:** My 5 year old nephew, unexpectedly managed to spend a lot of money ($500 plus) on vbucks, which was going to be used for my girlfriends trip to see family in austin TX.I told people that as soon as I knew something definitive, I would update you. Truth be told not that much has happened. A lot of it has been a waiting game as Sony have been doing their thing. More on that in a bit.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/c6m476/tifu_update_letting_my_nephew_use_my_fortnite/) \- 28th June 2019 Predominantly the concern was understandably for my girlfriend, and making sure she had enough money for her trip. So I'll address that first: She's doing okay and enjoyed her trip! Her trip wasn't impacted. Now, to the money. I want to thank everyone that scurried to get in touch to tell me that Sony would refund me in one-off situations. In particular u/zemorah made both an attempt in PM and in the post to bring this to my attention. There have also been some wonderful pieces of advice from all sorts of professionals in the financial world who have outlined steps I may be able to take outside of Sony. There have also been some very generous offers to pay me the full amount back (which I have not taken). To those people, You know who you are, and thank you for your kind offers, but ultimately you shouldn't have to pay money to fix what should be a basic consumer protection. This isn't your fault, and it would feel wrong to take money from you. which brings me to the Sony thing: unfortunately, Having spoke to several people on the phone, and having 2 separate departments looking into this situation, Sony will not be refunding me. I honestly wish I could tell you why. One of the operators said "If we give refunds to every person that phones up, we wouldn't make any money". I have not missed out any information on Reddit or in my communications with them. I've suggested that they ban the fortnite account outright and indefinitely, but they still didn't go for it. I will keep looking at options in this area, but for console it appears that Epic games wont help me if it's a console related purchase. I don't want to go the chargeback route because my partner enjoys playing Overwatch with her friends on there and has a lot of account progress. The account gets banned if you chargeback. My partner will of course get her money back either way. My sister has put in a request at work to cash in some of her shares to pay the full amount back in one go. Failing that, she will pay my partner back in installments. My partner has agreed to this, and everything is amicable and good spirited. There's a whole other conversation that can happen here about strengthening consumer protections against these kinds of purchases. All other console manufacturers and even epic themselves (if you're on PC) will refund you if this kind of stuff happens. Sony refuses to play ball and bring it's consumer protections up to the same standard, and it's hurting consumers who find themselves in these impossible-to-predict situations. And while it might be a case of playing "CS representative lottery" until you get the right person to help, that doesn't really strike me as a legitimate protection. It's very disturbing to think that Sony might be counting on these kind of incidents happening, and just how much damage could be done to someone's bank with absolutely no recourse. **TLDR:** Girlfriend was okay, and enjoyed the holiday. Sony didn't refund me, but my partner will get the money back from my sister. I'm around for questions if people have any. Thanks for everything!   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** \*

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12bnoxj/tifu_by_letting_my_niece_and_nephew_use_my_psn/

12bnoxj

AITA- Not Supporting GF's Sister

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**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/Quick\_Guy22](https://www.reddit.com/user/Quick_Guy22/). They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I added paragraphs in the last section for readability. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Oof but necessary!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11wge9l/aita_not_supporting_gfs_sister/)**: March 20, 2023** This is a throwaway because people who know me know my account. Some info: I have been with my GF 27F for 5 years. She loves her sister a ton which is a good thing as I believe supporting and helping your siblings as long as it doesn't ruin your own life (you will understand why I say this later on). We just put down a mortgage on a house in the suburbs of a large city. I 28M work in tech as a software developer with a Masters Degree in Computer Science. I make quite a lot of money so money issues never arose. GF doesn't work and does chores/ cooking in the house (both agreed on this). I was gonna propose to GF next year. But a problem arose about 2 years ago For the last 2 years (prolly longer) gf has been sending money to her younger sister lets call her Emily. Emily got pregnant at 20 years old. Emily works as a waitress. The father is bouncing from job to job. Emily says that he is very lazy. He will disappear hours at a time without telling Emily where he's going or what he's doing. Emily has asked my gf on several occasions for money. My gf being the nice and sweet person she is says yes all the time. It started off as paying for diapers, no problem. Then baby clothes which also no problem. Then daycare which I just brushed off. I talked with GF saying we cant always pay for everything and that helping out for a couple things is okay but not everything. GF reassured me and said that it would be stopping soon once they get their feet picked up which is fine. One day I hire a financial planner. The next day I get an email saying my account has sent approximately $50,000 USD for the last 10 months! and have around $20,000 sitting in my account. I talk with my gf and she apologizes and says she knew that I wouldn't want to keep sending her sister money and how she just cares ab her sister. WE'VE BEEN PAYING FOR EVERYTHING. Insurance, rent, car payment, day care, clothing for all three, dinners, dates, going out expenses. IT IS partly my fault because I never check my bank account. GF shows me text messages between her and Emily saying she needs the money. I then noticed a pattern where Emily would say "Hey can you send me $$$ I don't have money for \_\_\_\_\_\_" and of course gf says yes. I brush it off and GF says she wont send any more. THE NEXT DAY gf sends her $1000 because they needed car repairs. I talk with GF and we get into an argument where she says she will always help her sister no matter what. I understand TO AN EXTENT. We argue trying to understand each others POV. As stated before we had $20,000 and now were down to $19,000 and then how about the next time? and the next time after that? on top of our own expenses. GF then decided that she needs some time alone and that she will be at her mothers for the time being. Now I'm all alone in the house I thought I would live with the girl of my dreams. AITA for arguing with my GF for caring about her sister too much? **Edit: March 21 (Next Day)** Thank you everyone for the support. I never thought that my situation would blow up to thousands of people. I'll try to answer some questions at best. I make around $150,000 a year as a Lead Software Developer. As someone who has no kids, dogs, or any major responsibility besides myself and a GF I never checked my account. She comes from a cultural family where family is everything and money is just paper. She texted me earlier saying how it should always be family first and that money didn't mean anything without family and how we should help close family like siblings in their time of need. At this point I told her I needed time to myself and told her not to come back until I'm ready to talk. I apologize If my sentences aren't making sense as Whiskey is my only friend rn. I also forgot to mention we started dating before all this money came into play so I trusted her. another Edit: I'm more sad by the betrayal than the money. Money will come back but time will never come back. 5 whole years, my proposal plan, my life plan, my future kids I dreamt about with her just gone. All the things we've said to eachother. All the late night wine drunk times we spent, all the dates, all the flowers I gave her, I really tried with all my power to be the best man she can have. I would've trusted her with my life and what do i get back? $50,000 gonee. **Final Update (Same Post): March 28, 2023 (8 days later)** She is now my ex. We met at a local coffee shop and I told her that things wouldn't workout for us and she went absolutely ballistic. She caused a scene begging me to not end it. It did hurt me to see her like this, but after a couple weeks to give it some thought I would not want a wife who is a liar and one I couldn't trust financially. I left a $100 bill on the table and left but she followed me down to my car. She begged and told me she wouldn't send anymore money to her sister and how she would do anything for us to be together, it was hard but I stayed strong. She picked up her belongings the other day and I almost had to call the cops because she wouldn't leave. She first tried everything from sexual favors, begging, crying, then it turned to screaming that I ruined her life to even saying without her I wouldn't have gotten to where I am now because of her "Support". I stayed strong and when she left I just broke down sobbing. For those wondering I'm not gonna press charges because all I want is for her to leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with her, I don't ever want to see her face again. The money will come back as It's just me, a house, and 2 paid off cars. It does get lonely so I'm thinking of getting a puppy (A Doberman for those wondering). Thank you everyone for all the suggestions and a lot of you really had me thinking about my decisions and I definitely learned a lot of valuable lessons. Goodbye and thank you!

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12c7rmg/aita_not_supporting_gfs_sister/

12c7rmg

OOP gets pregnant by ONS and her husband wants her to terminate

ONGOING

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRapulsive in r/relatiobship_advice** trigger warnings: >!infidelity, talk about abortion!< mood spoilers: >!OOP is positive!< --- &nbsp; [**My (40F) husband(38M)(Separated) want me to terminate my baby with my ONS(40M) and everyone seem to agree with him.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11aa6ur/my_40f_husband38mseparated_want_me_to_terminate/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - feb 23-2023 My husband and I tried to get pregnant since we got married 14 years ago to no avail. when I started nearing 40 I told him that will be frank with him. I feel too old and too tired to try more. maybe we should be enough. This was 2 years ago. I felt like something died in him after I told him that and things went south. December last year he asked for separation. He said he loved me but he wasn't happy. I was broken, we both were but life sometimes! Anyway I thought he just wanted a break but not a week later I heard that he slept with a mutual friend of ours. I was heartbroken and called him crying and yelling. He said that we were separated "what do you think separated means" I cried and yelled some more and hang up. He texted me the next day asking how I was feeling. He never meant to hurt me. It just happened. Bla bla bla. I didn't answer him. I took a week sick and only my closest colleagues knew what happened because they needed to cover my work. At the Christmas party, a colleague approached me and told me he was sorry to hear the news from my closest colleagues. I ended up telling him everything and he ended up taking me home to his apartment. It was that one time. I felt embarrassed around him at work and told him it was just that time and he said he was sorry to hear that because he thought I was awesome. Now I'm pregnant and it is his because I haven't had sex in several months before that. My first instinct is I'm keeping her (I don't know why it feels like a her). I just didn't know what to do. I told my mom who was angry and told me this wont end well. She told my husband. He showed up at my door within an hour "So you're getting rid of it right?" NO!? He started crying and asking how I could do this to him. Begging me to take him back. We love each other and we are meant to be together. I was right, we are enough just the two of us or maybe we can get blessed with our own baby. "NO? Didn't you tell me you were getting old and were tired of trying and wanted us to be enough for each other?" I don't know what he means by that. I didn't plan any of this. nobody is listening to me and everybody thinks I'm going crazy keeping a child from ONS. I contacted my colleague and told him that I was pregnant. I told him that I was contemplating keeping her and apologized to him. I told him I wasn't expecting anything from him and if he wanted me to terminate he should tell me now because I wanted to hear everyones opinion before making up my mind. We ended up sleeping together in his office and now we have been together every day in one way or another. He said he wanted to be in her life and raise her with me even if we didn't end up together. I told this to my parents but now they are not speaking to me. none is really. and things are awkward at work. people are whispering behind my back. I dont know what to do. I'm very distraught. &nbsp; [**update:My (40F) husband(38M)(Separated) want me to terminate my baby with my ONS(40M) and everyone seem to agree with him.**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRapulsive/comments/121wz3u/updatemy_40f_husband38mseparated_want_me_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) - march 25-2023 Hi! sorry for being offline for so long, I have just been so busy and so tired and sick all the time. I want to tell you that I have now filed for divorce from my husband. When he got the papers, believe it or not he kicked me out of our home so now I rent a small attic room at one of my senior co workers. She and her husband live alone and they're very tidy and clean. I love that she did this for me because she doesn't rent out rooms otherwise but she simply just felt sorry for me. My family shut the door in my face. Initially I thought that they were just disappointed that my marriage was over because they loved my husband like a son. But now I don't know if I can make any more excuses for them. They know I have been kicked out of my home and that I have spent some weeks sleeping on my friends' couches until I found this room that I can call mine, yet no one felt that now it was time to reach out a helping hand. I'm now looking for my own place to buy. These things take time in my country. I've learned a hard lesson. That everything can turn on its head in a matter of weeks and you become homeless and the people you thought were your safety net, well they're just cobwebs. ONS and I are still dating and I think we are falling hard for each other. He thought I was unnecessarily stubborn not to have moved in with him when I got kicked out like garbage. But how could I ? If we are ever to succeed as a couple I need to be with him from a place of equality. Only then we could know if this is love, pure love, and not dependence and convenience. He thinks I'm crazy thinking like that but he respected my wish. My husband is refusing to sign the divorce. He has sent me 4 e-mails. I read one line from his first email. How did we end up like this? I stopped reading after this. I asked my lawyer to send him an email that moving forward, the only mean of communicating with me is via my lawyer and her e-mail. He still sent one more e-mail. Maybe not very cheerful update but don't worry about me. I feel happy and free and so excited for my next chapter as a mother and hopefully with ONS by my side. I love him. &nbsp; Reminder - I am not the original poster.

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12cy5iz/oop_gets_pregnant_by_ons_and_her_husband_wants/

12cy5iz

My (F50) Daughter in law (24F) gave birth and doesn't seem to want a relationship with me

INCONCLUSIVE

**I am not the Original Poster. That is a now deleted account- it used to be** u/throwRA_rorotheMIL. She posted in r/relationship_advice and r/legaladvice. I changed the letters to names for clarity. This post was suggested to me **Trigger Warning:** >!pre-eclampsia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!maddening!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n8dm4/my_f_50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth_and_doesnt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)**: March 9, 2023** **Title:** My (F 50) Daughter in law (24F) gave birth and doesn't seem to want a relationship with me, making it difficult to have a relationship with my son (31M) and new granddaughter Hello Reddit, TLDR: I'm looking for advice on how to build a relationship with my daughter in law, and get over the rift she's causing since giving birth. My son (David, 31) has been married to my daughter in law (Bea, 24?) since September of 2020. Due to the pandemic I never really got to know her because they only dated for about a year before they got married, and I didn't know about her until they had dated for about 6 months. I love my son very much, but I feel like our relationship has been rocky since they git married. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 10, and since they got together I haven't had the same relationship with her. I know this is partially because he moved out of my house (very suddenly without really saying anything I may add), and I no longer get her on his weekends. I try to get them to bring her to visit when they have her, but usually I only see her once a month or so, and lately it has felt like she has been more distant when she visits. I think this is because Bea says negative things about me around her, and I find that unfair. They just had a baby at the end of January. She was induced due to pre eclampsia and in labor for 3 days before having a c section. I had been in an accident a few weeks prior and don't have a vehicle, and my son refused to pick me up to be there for the labor at all or to see the baby in the hospital, but her parents got to see the baby and were in the parking lot the entire time. I called him while she was in labor a few times, but on the second day after her water broke I called him and heard her snap at him to get off the phone and he refused to accept any calls after that. I just wanted to know thst the three of them were okay though! She was in the hospital 2 days after the c section, and they wouldn't stop to visit me on their way home after the birth because she was hurting, even though she had pain killers she could have taken and she "didn't feel right" according to my son. This is when I became concerned she had PPD. My daughter ended up picking up her prescriptions and some groceries for them and got to see the baby that night (her and Bea have a relationship that is apparently pretty good). I was supposed to visit a couple days after they got home, but she ended up insisting something was wrong and went back to the doctor who apparently sent her to the hospital. My son told me they diagnosed her with post partum preeclampsia, but I was pretty certain that that was only something that happened during pregnancy and went away after birth so I was pretty sure he was confused. The day after they admitted her again, 5 days after the baby being born with everyone meeting her but me, was my birthday. I called her around 8 that morning to see what was really going on but she didn't answer. A while later my son called me and wished me a happy birthday and asked why I had called Bea. I admit I snapped at him and said SHE should be returning my call, because I called HER. I hung up on him and maybe 5 minutes later she called me. I told her she should have called me and that I wanted to hear her voice and hear from her what was going on since my son gets confused. I then asked her if this was a mental or physical issue, and she went silent before saying physical. I asked of she was sure, and she got kind of snippy and said they had padding on her bed because she was a seizure risk and she couldn't be alone with her newborn, so she was pretty sure. I didn't comment on her tone because I was sure she was stressed. She was released her the next day, and they came and visited me while I was at my daughters watching her two kids on their way home so I could see the baby. I offered her some pillows to sit on (my son said she "basically gave birth both ways", even though I knew this wasn't true I wondered if she had some soreness that made him think this), and she refused my hospitality saying she was fine and felt pretty good. Two weeks later my son picked me up and brought me to their home to visit. I stayed for a few hours, and she didn't really make any effort to talk to me. She was just quiet and sat on the couch. When my son took me home I asked why she was so unhospitable, and he said I had been rude while she was in the hospital. That she shouldn't have had to call me, and that I shouldn't have asked if it was a mental or physical problem because he had already told me it was physical. He also said I shouldn't have posted anything on Facebook before her about the baby being born, and that I was rude when he called to make me take it down. She doesn't post on social media very often so I didn't think it would be a big deal. He hasn't picked me up to see the baby because he says he needs to be there to help with the baby, and they won't bring the baby to me because he says the baby isn't allowed in my house. I told my son I'm planning to quit my job to babysit for them, but I haven't even gotten her return to work date and she hasn't once thanked me for doing it. Overall I feel like she's holding onto some very petty things and is using them to keep me from my son and granddaughters. I want a relationship with her, but I am missing some critical bonding time with the baby and I am going to struggle to forgive her for it. Especially over petty nonsense she won't even bring up to talk to me. I'm really wanting to send a text and lay all my feelings out for her and just hash it out, but I understand there are probably cultural differences at play with all of this too, so I could use some advice on what to say. ***Relevant Comments:*** *This whole exchange:* Commente: Lady, if you don't pull your head out of your ass, you're not going to be part of their lives at all. You're not owed nearly any of what you seem to think you are. When it comes to their baby, they don't owe you crap. 1. Your son had two priorities when his wife was in labor. His wife and their baby. Not you. He didn't have time to come pick you up or talk to you on the phone. Have you ever heard of a taxi cab? 2. She shouldn't have to take a pain pill just so they can stop by and see you on their way home. How incredibly selfish of you. They did the right thing and went straight home. 3. Are you seriously questioning a doctor's diagnosis? Do you really think it's appropriate to ask her if it's physical or mental? Are you mental? 4. You're lucky anyone called you back at all. They are tired and are learning how to care for their newborn and that is after your DIL had a complicated labor and delivery and complications after birth. No one has the emotional bandwidth to deal with your entitlement. 5. You inconvenienced your son and had him pick you up and drive you home. Again, taxi, Uber, Lyft were better options. Then you're complaining his wife, who is exhausted and still healing was inhospitable. I'm guessing she was saying plenty to you in her head but was to polite to actually verbalize it. 6. Do they even want you babysitting their baby? Did they actually ask this of you or did you just decree that this is what is happening? 7. You do not post baby news on Facebook without the parents permission. You were rude and overstepping. 8. If you want to send them a text, send them a sincere apology for being a pushy, entitled, pain in the ass and promise you'll behave better in the future. *OOP's response:* I'm a grandparent and do deserve to be in my grandchildrens life. I also deserve not to have my eldest granddaughter turned against me. Saying they owe me nothing is incorrect, and courts would agree with that. I love them both so I don't want it to come to that, but I am OWED that. 1. If he would have came the first night before she was in real labor he wouldn't have needed to talk to me. We don't have taxi cabs, and the uber would have been well put of my budget. 2. She refused to take any of the pain killers once discharged, period. That was selfish of her. And I had food for them too, so my son wouldn't have had to cook. It wasn't just for me to see the baby. 3. No, I was question if my son had the right information. He's relayed wrong things before. 4. I understand that from her perspective after reading some of the comments. However in my family it's just common to call back regardless especially after having a baby. I see it's a cultural difference. 5. I can't uber to where they live otherwise I would be there every day! If that was an option I woukd have definitely jumped on it instead of having him pick me up, but uber isn't I their tiny town. 6. I told my son after I heard Bea telling my daughter about her struggle to find reputable daycare without a year long wait and how she was scared for the safety of her baby. They won't have to worry if I watch her! 7. My son just said not to post pictures. I didn't realize announcing I was a grandma again woukd be a big deal. I deleted it. 8. I told my son I was sorry for hurting her feelings when he told me. I've always apologized to him when he's told me I've done something wrong in her eyes, whether I think it was wrong or not. I don't want to hurt her feelings ever. I want her to know she doesn't have to run to my son though, she can come to me. And I want a chance to explain myself to her. *Wait... you TOLD them you were quitting your job to babysit?* "I told my son i would after I heard Bea telling my daughter about her struggle to find reputable daycare without a year long wait and how she was scared for the safety of her baby. They won't have to worry if I watch her! It wouldn't be for free, and I own my house outright so I have no mortgage. I don't plan to live with them. I also had planned to watch my daughters two children, but we currently are not on speaking terms so I may get a part time job for weekends to supplement my income a little bit, but either way I will be ok." *One last gem from OOP:* "I agree she seems to have no respect for me being her mother in law. It's very disappointing. I'm astounded by all the people who don't feel that grandparents are needed in children's lives and that I'm simply owed nothing. Without me that child would not be here and I don't think she realizes it. I wish my son had handled a lot of this differently. It feels like people believe children can be used as pawns when you don't agree with the grandparents." [Post](https://www.unddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/120vopp/grandparents_rights_indiana/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) **in Legal Advice: March 24, 2023 (2 weeks later)** I'm seeking advice on getting grandparent rights in Indiana. My son has two daughters with two different women. The oldest is 10, and he and her mother were never married (no custody agreement, they just have an informal agreement). The youngest is almost 2 months old, and he and her mother are married. I was under the impression that any grandparent could petition for custody/visitation in the US, but the way I'm reading it I can't unless my son is incarcerated or they aren't married? Is this correct? What do I need to do to seek joint custody of my granddaughters? What do I need to build a solid case? I've already tried resolving this without going this drastic, but his wife doesn't want to work with me. *Commenters point out that she does not qualify for grandparent's rights in this scenario- she saw them at Christmas and they have to able parents:* I was under the impression that grandparents rights were for when a parent is keeping a child from having a relationship with the grandparents? Visitation would be more then once every 3 months or once a month wouldn't it? I don't feel like there is much of a relationship left with any of them to torpedo. So if I sacrifice a relationship with them to have a relationship with my granddaughters that would be fine." *People draw attention to her previous post and that she's angry her son moved out:* I CAN'T travel to them currently - if I could I would be over there as often as I could be. I have apologized even though I don't think I was wrong. If she felt slighted by anything I said I apologized for it. Really, though, I don't think it should matter. You don't use kids as pawns. I can have a relationship with my granddaughters without her - or I should be able to. That's what I thought grandparents rights were for. To make sure parents couldn't stop an essential relationship with grandparents without a damn good reason (like abuse, drug use, etc). Also. He didn't need my permission to move. I just didn't appreciate that he gave no indication he was leaving. "I have apologized for everything she felt I did wrong, against my better judgement. I don't feel like I shoukd have to continue to beg. My son says shes not preventing me from seeing them and appreciates my apologies, but I still haven't seen my grandchildren." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/126v3ez/update_to_my_f_50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth/)**: March 30, 2023 (3 weeks from OG post)** Well, I apologized to my daughter in law for all the things my son listed. Since I had received feedback about it being my son's job to "handle" his family I told him my apologies to pass along, and then I waited. However, I got no response from Bea. No thank you, no trying to bury the hatchet, nothing. So, last Friday I made an appointment with an attorney to discuss grandparents rights and had that appointment on Tuesday. The lawyer told me I had a good chance with my older granddaughter, but would likely get no where with the baby. I filled out some paperwork to get the process started, but Tuesday night I was questioning if I was doing the right thing. I called one of my friends to discuss, and was seriously considering not moving forward with it after talking to her. Then yesterday I received this message from Bea: "\[Me\] this is \[Bea\] I just wanted to let you know that \[friend\] told us you're intending to go for grandparent rights, and also shared everything you've had to say about me. Let me first say that I have not once kept the either of the girls from you, and I certainly have not kept \[son\] from you. He is a grown ass man, and if he wanted to talk to you he was free to. You have not asked to come over and visit since \[son\] picked you up - you cannot expect us to 1- read your mind or 2 - drop everything and come pick you up. We have a new baby, and we have our own lives. I also have not said a word to you about what happened during delivery/postpartum, because I have no energy to argue with you. \[Son\] said you apologized, and I told him I appreciated it (even though it was NOT a real apology. You apologize for what you did to hurt my feelings, not that my feelings were hurt). I don't have time for your drama. For the record, though, what you said was absolutely disgusting. I almost died - it had nothing to do with my mental health. Since you have decided to go for grandparents rights, we will have no direct contact with you. All contact will need to go through our lawyer. You have been removed from my Facebook. You are not permitted to post any pictures you have been sent of my child on social media, and \[older granddaughters mom\] feels the same way regarding \[older granddaughter\]. We intend to have something written up by our and sent to you by the end of the week regarding this, and ceasing contact with us. I assume we will be servered with your visitation paperwork this week as well. You will get no pictures or phone calls going forward. In fact, you will be blocked. I also hope you realize you will absolutely lose this case. Your house is not suitable to live in, and you would have to be able to pass a drug test. When you lose, we will not resume contact with you. You lost your chance at being apart of our kids lives by deciding to go to the most nuclear option instead of just communicating with us." I tried to respond to her and tell her that I didn't want to go through with it anymore and I reacted pit of anger, but she wouldn't answer texts or calls - so I assume I really am blocked. I called my son to tell him about the text she sent, and he said he knew about it and it was a lot nicer then what he wanted to send me. So, that's where I'm at at this point. I'm going to show my lawyer the text so that it can show how unwilling to forgive and to work with me she is, and hopefully it will resolve quickly so I can at least get visitation rights with my oldest granddaughter. Edit to add: I dont appreciate the nasty messages I have received or the barrage of nasty comments. I admit I made a mistake, but now this is my only option. It's clear that most of the responses from reddit are from those of young people not from my generation, as I have gotten different responses in other online support groups from people my own age who are also grandparents, many from my own culture. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Ummm the drug test?* "She says that I would have to pass a drug test. I use medical marijuana to help with a chronic illness, but it is still illegal where I live." "I am quitting entirely since this is a possibility \[getting in trouble\]." *People point out that her daughter has cut her off as well:* "My daughter and I generally make up within a few months, I'm not really worried. She's also more capable to be a mother to her children then my sons wife and other mother are to their daughters with my son." *Why tf is your daughter a better mother?* "Because they need to have better cultural examples. For instance, the oldest mother is also not from our culture/race, and her hair is very different from her daughters. She has no idea how to take care of her hair! It's always a mess. My daughter in law has taken some initiative in doing and styling her hair, but she's still not great at it. The girls need someone who can teach them how to handle basic things like taking care of their skin and hair. Oldest hair has been something I have encouraged them to let me handle long before daughter in law came into the picture. Not taking care of a child's hair is a form of neglect. My daughter knows how to do those things because her hair and skin are much closer to theirs and she can handle it with her own children." *One last gem:* "No taxis, no bus, their town is around 3k people. It's around 30 minutes by car so I can't walk or bike there. I dont feel I deserve to be treated better, but equal. We are both equally important in my son's life. She is obviously more important in her daughters life right now, but without me that baby wouldn't be here. I would drop the grandparents rights case if I wasn't cut off - I reacted out of anger and desperation, but now it's the only option since I'm cut off." **OOP has since deleted her account.** **Edit- a few people pointed out there is a post that seems like it is from the daughter's perspective on** r/JUSTNOMIL, but OOP of that post has requested it not be re-shared.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12d8qv8/my_f50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth_and_doesnt/

12d8qv8

AITA for refusing to remove my medical equipment during my sister's wedding?

CONCLUDED

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/DiabeticBridesmaid](https://www.reddit.com/user/DiabeticBridesmaid/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole &#x200B; **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/111our6/aita_for_refusing_to_remove_my_medical_equipment/)**: February 13, 2023** My sister is getting married next weekend and I'm a bridesmaid. I'm a Type 1 Diabetic and I wear two medical devices, a Dexcom blood sugar monitor on one arm and a Omnipod insulin pump on the other. They're both really small (under 2in ea) and work together to automatically monitor and regulate my blood sugar levels. This basically means I don't have to prick my fingers to test blood sugar or give myself insulin injections, the system does that automatically and makes my life way easier. Today when we were trying on our dresses, my sister told me she wants me to not wear them during the wedding because the gowns are sleeveless and the devices will look ugly in the photos. I told her I wasn't okay removing them, they're essential medical equipment and I'm not going to put myself in a position to affect my health just for some photos. My sister complained to our mother and some of our friends, and they're all taking her side. They say it's no big deal if I just don't wear them during the wedding, but I don't see why I should. Mom suggested I could move them to my stomach, but I've tried that before and find it incredibly uncomfortable. When I put a new sensor on, I'm stuck with it for 10 days until it expires and I can switch to a new one, and I don't want to be stuck with one on my stomach where it will bother me the entire time. They're all complaining that I'm not willing to compromise at all, but I don't think my health should be an area where anyone can ask that I compromise at all. AITA? *More about the packs:* You can't just move them or take them off temporarily, you have to keep them in place until they expire. ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): February 14, 2023 (next day)** UPDATE: Oh my gosh, thank you so much to everyone for the responses! I didn't expect this post to blow up the way it did at all. So I have an update for everyone. I didn't want to involve others hoping to settle this between myself and my mom/sister, but my brother got wind of what happened last night and absolutely tore my mom and sister a new one about how hurtful it was to suggest I go without my devices just for her wedding photos. He then told my grandfather, who is paying for the wedding. Grandpa apparently drove an hour into town this afternoon just to tell my mother how disappointed he was and that he must have gone wrong somewhere raising her. He told her that if they didn't apologize and make things right, my mom should figure out how to pay for all of the outstanding wedding costs herself (!!). Now I do think this was a bit extreme, I wasn't looking to cause this much trouble for my mom and sister, but it seems to have worked because they called me to apologize and say it was wrong of them to suggest I just go without my monitor and pump and we can find a way to dress it up instead. I accepted their apologies. We decided to try wearing flower corsages over each device so they can't be seen. If that doesn't work, we can try a shawl as many of you suggested. Again, thank you all for the support! I'll be giving my grandpa a big hug and buying my little brother dinner tonight as a thank you for having my back on this. Maybe it seems minor to some, but it was really upsetting to me that my own family turned on me when it came to my own health, so it was a really big deal to me that they unconditionally supported me when my mom and sister wouldn't. ***Relevant Comment: February 18, 2023*** "They're really not bad people, I think they just really got caught up in the wedding. They've both practically been planning it full time for months now. Not that I'm excusing their behavior, but it doesn't seem like they're holding onto whatever problem they originally had. Happy to report that the wedding went well. The bridesmaids all wore corsages so we matched.

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12d914z/aita_for_refusing_to_remove_my_medical_equipment/

12d914z

OOP writes a letter to her husband on r/Deadbedrooms

CONCLUDED

I am not the OOP. OOP is u/Throwaway-hurt-wife. Special shoutout to u/orphan_izzy for linking this in this month's Looking for a Post? post! "[**Letter to my husband. I hope you read this.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/o4hsqh/letter_to_my_husband_i_hope_you_see_this/)" posted June 20th, 2021 Throw away account for obvious reasons. You’ve posted several times in this sub complaining that I don’t fuck you enough. You post that I shrink away from your touch and you just DoNt KnOw WhAt To Do AnYmOrE? Instead of complaining to internet strangers and making me seem like a frigid bitch who “might have some childhood trauma regarding sex”, (which isn’t even true??? What is wrong with you?!) maybe you should try looking inward. Do you think it’s maybe because you refuse to help me clean? Do you think it’s maybe because of the fact that whenever I ask for your help you tell me “well you do it better than me” or “maybe later”? Or the fact that at least once a month you yell at me for not making the food correctly? Do you think it’s due to the fact that you never once woke up at night for the babies and would yell at me when one of them woke you up crying? Or because of the fact that across 3 kids you’ve changed MAYBE 5 diapers total? Do you think it’s because you refuse to spend any time at all with me and the kids? I can’t even remember the last time you took me on a date night. I stopped asking 2 years ago when you didn’t even get me a card for my birthday. YOU actually woke ME up on my birthday to yell at me that our son had thrown up all over his bed and I didn’t clean it? IF YOU WERE AWAKE AND I WASNT MAYBE JUST DO IT YOURSELF??!!! Do you think it’s because the only time you try to fuck me is after I’m already asleep? Do you think it’s because of the fact that over the last 3 years you haven’t even TRIED to make me cum? Or that you threw away my vibrator because I “shouldn’t have anything except my husband inside of me”? Or maybe because you keep asking me for certain sex acts you know make me extremely uncomfortable? Do you think maybe it’s the fact that after the last 3 times we had sex you’ve made rude comments about my “extra flab” and stretch marks? Or maybe was it the time that I bought lingerie and you laughed and said I should’ve gotten a larger size? Or maybe last year for Christmas when I said it would be fun to go to a cabin in the snow just us for my birthday you instead got me personal training sessions and told me “this will help with my attraction”? Do you think it’s because of the fact you constantly talk about how hot your new coworker is? Or the fact that you go to a strip club almost ever Friday after work instead of spending time with your wives and kids? Please explain to me why I would WANT to have sex with you. WHY. When the only times we do have sex it lasts 3 minutes and afterwards you just roll over and tell me to get myself off. HOW CAN I WHEN YOU THROW AWAY MY VIBRATORS?! Maybe instead of coming to Reddit and making me seem like the bad guy, FIX YOURSELF FIRST. FUCK YOU. Words don’t describe the contempt I feel for you after finding your multiple posts across different subs about how I hate sex and am “possibly asexual”. I love sex. I used to have good sex. I miss it. I don’t miss you anymore. I hope you fucking read this. Don’t believe everything you read here people. There’s always another side. And to all the men complaining here that their wives don’t fuck them enough, maybe stop to consider the fact that YOU might be the issue. Rant over. Edit: a few people have messaged me about the cleaning portion of this post. We both work full time jobs so it’s not like I’m home all day and should be taking care of it. "[**Letter to my husband. I hope you read this. Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/ohv1su/letter_to_my_husband_i_hope_you_read_this_update/)" posted July 10th, 2021 He read the post. He disagreed with everything I said and we have been living apart since he screen shot my post and asked if it was about him. The gust of it is that He thinks that I don’t put enough effort into being physically attractive to him so in his mind it’s okay to not put effort into sex and want to cheat. “Men are visual creatures.” He thinks that he should be able to experience everything he wants sexually even if I don’t want it because I’m his wife and it’s my obligation to keep him happy. That was shocking to hear. This is not the man I married. We are going through with divorce and I couldn’t be happier. My life is infinitely easier without him in it. Sorry if this is anti-climatic, I don’t really have the energy to type out everything that happened. Maybe I will someday. I’m currently getting ready for a custody battle because he said he would get full custody and never let me see the kids. I truly didn’t think my post would get as much attention as it did, I wrote it out of anger. Thank you to everyone who commented and reached out privately. You gave me the confidence to go through with the divorce. "[**Letter to my husband. I hope you see this. Update 1 year later.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/yhttnp/letter_to_my_husband_i_hope_you_see_this_update_1/)" posted Oct 30th, 2022 Sorry if this is not a great update. We divorced. He gets the kids weekends only which has left me with a lot of free time. I have been going on dates and met a lovely man who is incredible in bed. I feel so sexy again. :) My ex has asked to reconcile a few times and I heard through the grapevine of mutual friends that he has been complaining about single life. Lol. Just wanted to say life gets better. This will probably be my last update on the matter. Hope you all are well and thank you again for all the kind words and support while I was at my lowest. Once more: I am not the OOP! Edit: OOP has made several comments in this thread! > Hey thanks everyone :) I’m still super happy and the kids have adjusted great! I happened to randomly scroll on Reddit today and saw my own username on this subreddit! Lol u/JimmyJonJackson420 > This was an amazing update OOP I hope your thriving girl >> OOP: I am 😊 u/magical_elf > Good for her. Although sometimes I wonder why you'd have another 2 kids with someone when they don't help with the first. He's not magically going to start helping. Unless they were triplets of course. >> OOP: I was delusional honestly. I thought I was being the perfect wife and mother by taking care of everything. That was how it was with a lot of the women I grew up around. I guess resentment and reality just start to set in after awhile. The sex wasn’t always bad with him. At the beginning it was good and we both got off. I can’t exactly pinpoint when he decided to give up u/Corfiz74 > I really wish we could dig up the husband's posts, and ask him how the single life is treating him. 😂😂 >> OOP: He tried to ask the hot coworker out lol she didn’t know we were divorcing so she sent me a screenshot on Facebook where she turned him down and basically said “ew I would never date someone like you” lol

EllieDai

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12daa45/oop_writes_a_letter_to_her_husband_on/

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AITA for trashing the gift my girlfriend got me?

CONCLUDED

Originally posted by u/salty-pension300 in r/AmItheAsshole on Mar 22, '23 updated on Mar 30, '23. &nbsp; **[AITA for trashing the gift my girlfriend got me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11z101l/aita_for_trashing_the_gift_my_girlfriend_got_me/)** Mar 22, '23 &nbsp; Throwaway. So me (28M) and my GF (30F) have been together for 8 years and we have been living together for 4 years. GF has always been the artsy type and always has some personal project going but she has the tendency to get lost in her own world. We celebrated my birthday last weekend and she ended up getting me a pencil lengthier. I don't use pencils and the lengthier in question didn't even fit your typical No.2, it was purely for colored pencils, I also don't color. When she asked me if I liked it, I just quietly walked outside our home and tossed it in the trash. She was understandably upset and called me an AH for doing that claiming that I could have least tried it. Here's the thing, she has been doing things like this ever since we started living together. She has been gifting me things that she likes and ultimately ends up using them. For example, last year she got a packet of Sailor Moon stickers. I don't watch Sailor Moon and she ended up using them all. She also gifted me a jewelry box one time. I don't wear jewelry so guess who's been using it all this time. First world problems at its finest. So its been a few days and she's still upset and has even got both of our parents to berate me for trashing the gift. She even admitted she knew I would hate it and was planning on using it after I "calmed down" in a few days, a detail that she did share with others but I am still getting name called. Am I really the AH? ​ Edit: Nearly every comment says we need to talk about this. The thing is we have and more than once. She admitted she does this because she wants something but decides to gift it to me to say "I tried". I asked if I gave her a wish list would that help and she said that she would never look and it and well she didn't when I made and sent one to her. She on the other hand does have a wish list which I do get her stuff from and some of that stuff is actually expensive. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >ESH Walking out and trashing it like a drama queen makes you an asshole. She's also an ass for giving you stuff that she knows you won't use. You're meant to talk about your feelings and about your expectations, not act like you acted here. OP: I wouldn't say I'm a drama queen, I didn't yell scream or anything. I just had a disappointed look on my face and she just pieced together what I had done. I literally didn't say anything during the ordeal. . >ESH but you should have directly talked to her about this way beforehand if it’s something you say she’s does constantly OP: Actually I have, we've had many talks about this. She does this on purpose because she wants a certain something and decides to gift it to me so she can say "I tried". I offered to give her a wish list but she literally said she would never look at and she did indeed not look at it. . >ESH. I have to ask. Do you ever get her gifts? OP: Yes I do, I actually go over the top with her gifts. She wanted an Nintendo switch I got her an Switch and she legit played it till she got carpal tunnel. Still uses the cast once in a while. . >Do you tell her about anything you may like or does she have to figure it out? OP: I sent her a wish list which she never bothered to look at. . *Judgment is Not Enough Info because the following was the top comment but most of the other judgements were NTA :* >INFO: So what do you get yourself to use on her birthdays? *(There was no reply from OP on this one)* &nbsp; **[UPDATE: AITA for trashing the gift my girlfriend got me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/127603c/update_aita_for_trashing_the_gift_my_girlfriend/)** Mar 30, '23 &nbsp; I was not expecting this much attention. I want to thank everyone for commenting and giving advice, sorry I couldn't get to you all. I wasn't expecting to make an update but there's been a development. Before that, I want to address a few things. Many commentators said that my GF is a narcissist or has some personality disorder. Probably should have mentioned this before but she has ADHD (which she is medicated for) so she has always been pretty scatterbrained. However it did get noticeably worse when we moved in together such as blowing plans because she either forgot completely or forgot the part where we agreed on them, or completing forgetting to do any errands or chores because she is just so invested in something, usually an art project. There was one comment that resonated with me that said that I must have been conditioned to accept this kind of behavior. That is accurate, my parents always instilled into me to be grateful and happy for getting anything at all because they got nothing when they were younger. If I got a sack of s*** as a gift, I was expected to dance like happy prospector if this at all explains my tolerant/doormat behavior. The Update: despite using a throwaway, my GF still found the post. She was very miffed by the responses and tried to vent to her friends but they weren't on her side. She then decided to show the post to her and my siblings. They wanted to know if it was true and when confirmed they all yelled at her and they got our respective parents calm down and stop talking about it. She came to me over the weekend and after talking about it since then we kind of worked over several things. She recognized that she really did screw up and as an apology she gave me this cool dragon diffuser I've been wanting for a while and a box of all the stuff I was gifted telling me I may do whatever I please with them. She's also open to not receiving gifts for the next couple of special occasions which I will be doing. So when it came down to her selfish gift giving, apparently what she meant by "I tried" was her forgetting about these occasions up until the last minute and not wanting to admit it. She hastily gets them off of Amazon from what ever shows up first on her homepage and just hopes I'll like them enough to not say anything negatively and uses them when I won't. She refused to look at my wishlist because gifts should be a surprise but when I brought up her list, she had no answer. She said she'll look at mine from now on. I don't think this is a deal breaker but it does need to end and well most of you were right, there were other issues. We have agreed to therapy, single and couples which she will pay for. This may not what you were expecting but I think its a good start. &nbsp; *I was torn on the flair for this one because they have so much work ahead of them but I'm going with concluded as they will be going to counseling and she has agreed to use his wishlist going forward, which resolves the original issue.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12dn8b1/aita_for_trashing_the_gift_my_girlfriend_got_me/

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