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derek-thomas

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13g64ol

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/lofeislofe. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. I added names instead of letters for easier readability. **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP will be ok!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12d6whm/aita_for_explaining_gay_people_to_a_5_years_old/)**: April 5, 2023** I (24M) have a sister Sarah (28F) who got recently married to a guy George (33M) and George has a daughter Dianna (5F), who our family treats like my sister’s daughter. Some context: my sister was always supportive of my coming out and George is less supportive I think, for example my boyfriend wasn’t invited for their marriage and the excuse was that his mother is very religious. Before me, my sister and my boyfriend used to have dinner together, after the marriage my sister never invited us together to her place, it’s always in a restaurant and George doesn’t go. My sister asked me if I would take care of Dianna for this weekend so she and her husband George could take a weekend off to celebrate 3 years together. I changed some plans and told them that I would do it. Dianna is a nice little girl, she’s very talkative and she’s really sensitive. On Saturday we went to the mall with my boyfriend. At the mall there was a workshop arts and crafts at the playground and I left Dianna there for 2 hours so I could have some time with my bf. I asked my sister beforehand if that was okay and she said that Dianna loves the workshops. When saying goodbye my boyfriend gave me a little goodbye kiss, nothing much, just a little kiss. I wasn’t even sure if Dianna saw it. Sunday morning I was watching TV with her and she asked me if my boyfriend was my friend and I said yes, but she asked why he kissed me and I had a little bit of gay panic. I carefully explained to her that he was the same that my sister was to his father. She told me “but you’re boys” and I said “there are boys who likes boys and there are girls who like girls and that’s okay”. She didn’t say anything after that. On Monday I got an angry text from George saying that Dianna was confused because of me. I called him and he was just shouting that I had no right to introduce “my way of life” to his daughter. I was shocked and I called my sister, who said that I shouldn’t have told Dianna what gay people is. Tuesday in the afternoon I got an email from George saying that he was taking Dianna to a psychologist to see what damage I caused to his daughter and that I was supposed to pay for the session, he was even talking about a lawsuit against me. I was very shocked and I called my dad, who is a lawyer, to ask him what I should do. My parents were very upset with the situation and they decided to come to our city, we (me and my sister) live in the capital and my parents in a small city 3 hours from here. The situation escalated a little bit because George told my dad that he wasn’t going to make the same mistakes that he did with me and my dad was very angry about it. He said that George isn’t welcomed in our family anymore and he doesn’t want to ever see him again. My sister, who I thought was at my side, just flipped at me saying that my mistake was going to destroy her marriage. My parents are on my side and my friends too, but my sister is very angry at me and even her best friend texted me saying I was stupid and childish to bring my father to the matter. So Reddit, am I the AH here? ***Relevant Comments:*** *More info on the arts and crafts workshop because people were concerned/wondered if sis was mad about that:* "It was a 2-hours activity. There were monitors and they were doing some painting, it’s like a workshop for kids. They did some arts & crafts, she had customize a teddy bear. It was really cute." *What country is this?* "We live in Amsterdam, which is a very liberal city, but my BIL is Italian. My sister told me once that his family is very traditional and they didn’t accept well his remarriage." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ac6g9/update_aita_for_explaining_gay_people_to_a_5/)**: May 6, 2023 (1 month later)** This is a little update on my original post and I want to thank everyone, even the ones who were mean to me, because it helped me to think about my next steps on this mess. The same week I wrote this post, my mom asked me to go to her house to talk and told me that she was talking with my sister about her and her husband actions. My mother asked me to try to conciliate with my sister because it was the best for both of us. I had mixed feelings about it and we decided to have a family lunch with me, my sister and my mom at my parent’s place on the following Saturday. The outcome wasn’t good at all. My sister was mean to me and said that I tried to play my parents against her and her husband. My mother was very upset of how my sister was acting and they had a fight. Things were worst after that with my mother saying she doesn’t recognise my sister anymore. Things went really south because my father’s birthday was 15/04, it was his 60’s celebration and we planned that for months. My father called my sister and said that she and her stepdaughter were invited, but her husband wasn’t, she was upset and outraged and said that if her husband couldn’t go, she wouldn’t go either, and my father said “then don’t come”. A whole lot of drama. My sister sent me an angry email saying that from that moment on she didn’t want any contact with me and that I don’t need to expect forgiveness from her in the future when I am lonely because gay people ends lonely. She blocked me on social media and her contact with my parents is almost none at this point.

AITA for explaining gay people to a 5 years old?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13g64ol/aita_for_explaining_gay_people_to_a_5_years_old/

13ggb52

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/ThrowRAl394 **in** r/relationship **advice** Fun Fact for Mobile Spoilers: The Inuit people of Alaska, northern Canada, and Greenland are credited with the earliest prototype of sunglasses, slits cut into walrus ivory. Estimated Reading Time: \~4 minutes trigger warnings: >!infidelity!< mood spoilers: >!bummer!<   [**My husband and son both lied to me. (34F 36M)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/137y0ml/my_husband_and_son_both_lied_to_me_34f_36m/) \- 4 May 2023 I’m 34F. Husband is 36M. We’ve been married for 12 years. A few weeks ago my husband said that he has seen another woman handle situations that he didn’t think I would be able to handle. I tried to talk to him about why it bothered me and he just told me it was a passing comment and I shouldn’t take it so seriously. That he had meant to simply compliment her by saying she was handling so much on her own, and he was impressed by it. I told him it was completely unnecessary and hurtful to compare her to me to compliment her. He told me I was being unreasonable and jealous and that he didn’t mean anything by it. After that he didn’t say anything else about it so I dropped it. Then yesterday when I came home from work I saw a pair of women’s Fendi sunglasses on our kitchen island, kind of hidden by our fruit bowl. I picked them up and asked my husband whose they were. He looked confused and was like “Aren’t they yours?” And I said no. Our older son (11) is sitting at the kitchen table and goes “Oh, those are my friend Alison’s. I took them home on accident.” I was immediately suspicious. These are very expensive sunglasses. I know Alison’s mother and she doesn’t seem like the type to let her child bring something worth that much money into school. My son kept insisting they were hers and he had just taken them home accidentally on the bus and he’d return them to her tomorrow. But I said no and that I’d return them to her mother in person so I could make sure they got to them safely. When I spoke to Alison’s mother she confirmed that they weren’t Alison’s, and that neither she nor her daughter owned sunglasses like that. When I told my son and my husband this they both feigned ignorance. My son went from saying that he could’ve sworn they were Alison’s to well maybe not maybe I don’t know whose they are. And then my husband said that he does remember taking the sunglasses out of our son’s backpack when he was getting out his lunch stuff. My younger son (9) just came home and recognized the sunglasses. They are Noelle’s, the woman my husband helps out sometimes. The one who he told me to “not be upset” over comparing me to her. I’m going to confront him when he gets home. I don’t know what to say to him. I feel as though I’m going to immediately burst into tears. Can someone please give me advice on what to say? And also just general advice please? I never thought I would be in this situation.   [**My husband cheated on me and my oldest son covered for him without thinking twice. (34F 36M)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/138hoj0/my_husband_cheated_on_me_and_my_oldest_son/) \- 5 May 2023 I (34F) found a pair of sunglasses on my kitchen table. My son (11) immediately claimed they were his friend’s even though it was pretty obvious they were an adult woman’s. Even after the story began to fall apart he and his father continued to lie. My youngest son (9) ended up identifying the sunglasses. When he got home my husband admitted they were Noelle’s. She has been over there while I was at work. My husband has not realized they were hers, he thought they were mine which is why he didn’t move them. My older son realized whose they were immediately which is why he lied about them. He knew I was about to find it all out and was trying to cover. My younger son recognized them because apparently they have gone with Noelle numerous places on my husband’s days off while I was at work. I don’t know what he told my older son but he told my youngest not to tell me about Noelle and her son hanging out with them because I would feel “bad” about being left out because I was at work. I returned the glasses to Noelle who seemed horrified. She was under the assumption I knew about their hangouts. I asked her why did she think I would be okay with this? She looked really confused and told me why would I care if we were separated anyway? I told her we absolutely were not separated, we were very much still together. Apparently my husband told her we had not been together except for cohabiting and co-parenting for months now. I confronted my husband with this information and he didn’t deny it. He apologized but said he had developed feelings for Noelle but didn’t want to risk our marriage until he knew if they were “true” feelings or just attraction. He left the house. Noelle wants nothing to do with him because now she knows the truth. He lied to her as well and she’s furious. I’m speaking to a lawyer today. I’m not going to speak to him again except through lawyers, since I don’t have anything else to say to him. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My husband and son both lied to me.

ONGOING

snarfblattinconcert

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13ggb52/my_husband_and_son_both_lied_to_me/

13gl9xu

I am NOT OP. Original posts by u/Victor-Reeds on r/relationship_advice [**I (22M) got a girlfriend and my gay bestfriend (22m) stopped talking to me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pddwib/i_22m_got_a_girlfriend_and_my_gay_bestfriend_22m/) **- Aug 28, 2021** I'm a bisexual guy and my friend, Steve (name changed) whom I've known for 10+ years is gay. We come from conservative families, so we didn't even know the concept of queerness when we were young. Steve & I were inseparable throughout our teenage years and people joked that we were like brothers. We managed to get into the same college and move to a big city when were 17 years old. This exposed us to a completely different world and Steve realized that he was gay. I realized that I too was attracted to men. Not knowing anything about the queer stuff, I thought I was gay too. Steve and I found other queer people and our new friend circle was made of gay people. We couldn't tell our families that we were queer, so Steve and I could only depend on each other. We started dating men, but our initial relationships weren't very serious. After my first gay relationship ended, I realized that I was attracted to both men and women - I was bisexual. I told this to my group of queer friends, who said that I was going though a phase, that years of brainwashing was the reason I was attracted to women, that I would get over it and they told me that I was gay. Steve refused to accept that I was bisexual and told me that bisexuality wasn't real. I tried to convince him but he refused to accept that I wasn't gay. We were roommates and this started causing a lot of tension between us. I decided to let it go and stopped trying to convince him. Things went back to normal and I had two more gay relationships. Steve got into a serious relationship with a senior. Our families didn't know anything about this. Then I met my current girlfriend Mary (name changed) at a bar. Mary and I hit off immediately. We exchanged numbers and kept talking for a week before I invited her to our flat. I introduced her to Steve, and Mary and I went into my room. When she was leaving, I noticed that Steve was glaring at her. I didn't think much about this. Mary and I started meeting more often and Steve refused to talk to her. I decided to ask him about it and he told me that Mary was not good for me and asked me why I was being so close to a woman. I asked him what he meant by that and he just stormed off. Steve started fighting me about trivial things that didn't matter before. Mary and I made our relationship official a few weeks later and I posted about on my story. When I got back to our flat, Steve and few friends were waiting for me. Steve started shouting at me, asking how I could betray him. He told me that I turned by back on him and he called Mary a witch. I reminded him that I was bisexual and assured him that I wasn't leaving him. Our friends took Steve's side and asked me why I started dating a woman. They agreed with Steve that Mary bewitched me. I left our flat and when I came back later, Steve refused to talk to me, and told me that he wouldn't talk to me as long as I was in a relationship with Mary. I hoped that this would blow over, but Steve refuses to talk to me a month later. I really like Mary and I don't want to end our relationship. But Steve needs my support and nobody back home knows anything about us being queer. We would most probably be disowned if they found out. How do I handle this situation? TLDR: I'm bisexual and my gay best friend stopped talkin to me when I started dating a girl after only dating boys. He says that I betrayed him. I don't was to lose either of them. I don't know how to handle this. Edit: I don't want to leave him because he has nobody else to support him. When he comes out to his family, I'm sure that it'll be ugly & I want to there for him when that happens. [**\[UPDATE\] I (22M) got a girlfriend and my gay best friend (22M) stopped talking to me.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/pemuab/update_i_22m_got_a_girlfriend_and_my_gay_best/) **- Aug 30, 2021** After I posted on reddit, I decided to tell Mary about Steve not talking to me. She was extremely supportive and told me that she’d support me in anything I decided to do. Some people asked if Mary knew about my gay relationships – I told her about my earlier relationships and me being bisexual in our first date and she was okay with it. I did not know biphobia was thing until the comments told me about it yesterday. I assumed that everyone in the LGBT community supported each other, and I thought I was doing something wrong. As many people suggested, I decided to cut off my toxic friend circle and I won't be talking to them in the future. A comment about the relationship between Steve & I being codependent made me rethink our friendship. I realized that we were depending on each other too much. We were the only connection to home left for each other and this made us way too dependent on each other. I felt like we needed space from each other. I decided to move out and when I told Steve about this, he started crying and begged me not to leave. He said he would talk to me and that he would tolerate Mary. I told him that we were being codependent and he wouldn’t need to tolerate me if he didn’t like my choices. I told him that I would be there for him when he decides to come out and that he could always count on my support. Steve kept crying but I told him my decision was final. I went back to my room, called Mary and started crying. I did not want to leave my friend alone. She listened to what I had to say and reassured me. I had to look for a new place to live but Mary called me a few hours later and told me that one of her friends has a room and that I could move in with him. I thanked her for her help. Steve’s friends started calling and yelling at me for abandoning them for a girl. They accused me of being a bad friend and accused Mary of breaking up our friendship. When I called Mary later, she told me that my friends were calling her and shouting at her for breaking up my friendships. I apologized but she was very understanding and told me that she would be there for me if I needed her. Hearing her say that made me feel better. I’m moving out, putting some distance between Steve & I and blocking my earlier friends. This ordeal has made me understand that I made the right decision by sticking with Mary and I appreciate her way more now. Lot of you mentioned that Steve might have feelings for me. I’ve only ever thought of him as a friend and I might’ve given it a shot before, but now I’m afraid of a romantic relationship with him. Thank you to all the people who gave me advice and helped me decide. TLDR: I decided to move out and Steve begged me to stay. I told Mary about the stuff between Steve & I and she helped me find a new place and was extremely supportive. **OOP's** [**update comment**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tl2x5e/comment/i1tkpac/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **on the original BORU post:** Hey... That's me. I never thought my story would be posted in this sub. Edit - Short update: Mary and I are still together and we're doing well. She's awesome. Managed to make a new group of way more tolerant friends. My relationship with Steve has improved. We are talking now but I think he still somewhat resents me. \*\*I am not the original poster. This is a repost sub.\*\*

I (22M) got a girlfriend and my gay bestfriend (22m) stopped talking to me.

REPOST

Vctoria_R

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13gl9xu/i_22m_got_a_girlfriend_and_my_gay_bestfriend_22m/

13h514s

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/BigCustomer1270. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!racism/xenophobia;!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Decent Ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/135obri/aita_for_telling_a_school_nurse_i_dont_need_a/)**: May 2, 2023** I (17F) moved from Spain to the US with my parents a year ago. I have a very rare and severe neurological condition, which is itself a subtype of a more common and less debilitating condition. When I say rare, I mean a 0.0001% occurrence rate. I was diagnosed in Spain a year ago, before we moved. I spent two weeks in the hospital, they ran all the tests possible, even experimental ones. I eventually saw a specialist who's extremely well-known in his field. He made the diagnosis and gave me a prescription. I went from 2 episodes a day to less than 1 a month. Now for the issue: a week ago, a new head nurse was hired at my high school. As an at-risk students, she asked to meet me. When I started describing my situation, she interrupted me, saying "I know \[name of the more common condition\], cut it short". Since it's on a whole other level in terms of gravity and rarity, I still went ahead and described it. She interrupted me again and said: "this diagnosis is very unusual, are you sure about it? I know a very good doctor, you're sure don't want to have a second opinion from an American doctor? ." She stressed American. I told her that all the tests were ran a year ago, the diagnosis fits perfectly and the medication is working. I finally said that Spanish doctors are just as competent as American ones. I was calm, but it showed that I thought she considered Spain as a third world country. She rolled her eyes and said that I didn't need to get defensive. I told my parents when I went home. My dad (American) got on her side. I said he was free to spend dozens of thousands of dollars (what the whole process would have cost in the US) for the same diagnosis and to get me under opioids. He said I was overreacting and that I didn't need to be an AH about it, but my mum, who's Spanish, understands my reaction given how mentally taxing all this is. I haven't heard back from the nurse, but I'm wondering if I overreacted. **EDIT:** to address a general concern, I'm not on opioids. What I meant by "at risk" is basically just "special needs", there's just a risk that episodes may happen when I'm at school and there's a protocol in my medical file that tells the school staff "when an episode occurs, don't do anything, wait for it to go away" (quite literally) ***Relevant Comments:*** *Why does the nurse matter/what would she have to do?* "I'm not, but if she feels like the diagnosis isn't right, then she might undermine the gravity of my case. This includes scraping off the instructions given to the school in case an episode happens (for instance, we've told them not to call an ambulance since there's nothing they could do, etc). It'd be a whole mess" "No regular care would be needed. “Emergency care” would be basically waiting for an episode to go away. I can stay in the classroom when it happens, there’s nothing to do, I’m safe when I have an episode, I just need to be in a safe position and for no-one to freak out. In other words, it’s not like a seizure or epileptic episode." *I would assume you also have an American doctor for this because of medication needs:* "I'm seeing a neurologist in Boston, since I need to have my prescription renewed every six months. He saw all the test results, all the scans, and said he agreed with the diagnosis, even if he had only seen a few cases in the past. But he was just as surprised as her, he just handled it differently. He said he couldn't think of any other tests they could run to challenge the diagnosis at the moment, and that the main thing was that the medication was working" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13avqjt/update_aita_for_telling_a_school_nurse_i_dont/)**: May 7, 2023 (5 days later)** Hi all. First, thanks for all the support. Based on your replies, I went to a teacher I trust, and she told me I should report it I met with the principal, my parents, and the head nurse on Thursday. I'm glad I reported it, because the nurse started off by saying that she still doubted the diagnosis and was reconsidering the process in case of an episode. I don’t have a formal second opinion/diagnosis per se but a neurologist here renews my prescription. The original documents were translated for the transfer of care process, so I brought them (even if they’re already in my school medical file) to show the principal, along with a letter from the (American) neurologist, which I read out loud. I then thanked the nurse for her concern but asked what it was based on. She was pissed and asked why I didn’t tell her about the American diagnosis. I said it wasn’t one, the diagnosis was made in Spain. She asked the principal if “the insurance were even okay with a diagnosis coming from there”. She added she “doubted they were able to conduct all the tests”. So I asked her which ones they had missed, to which she said: “I don’t know, I’m not a specialist”. I couldn’t find a good comeback on the spot, but my mum laughed, and I think that was good enough. The principal ended the meeting, and sent us an email on Friday saying that the process would remain the same. My dad hasn’t formally apologised, but he did say that she overstepped her qualifications. I’m glad I went ahead and reported it, I don’t know what would’ve happened if I hadn’t. Thanks again for all the support, good luck to everyone out there struggling with the same issues, stay safe ***Relevant Comment:*** "There's another nurse, who's been here for longer, and who's always nice with me. At least she's there for me, and now the principal knows about it as well. And as you say, she's embarrassed herself, all the teachers have already seen me go through an episode and they know the process is correct, so really I think I'm in good hands now!"

AITA for telling a school nurse I don't need a second opinion from an American doctor for a diagnosis made in Spain

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13h514s/aita_for_telling_a_school_nurse_i_dont_need_a/

13hcvd2

I am not OP. Original post is from r/TIFU submitted by u/TriedNotToLaugh 13 days back. I had saved it before it was deleted by OP. Trigger warning: >!explicit descriptions of sex!< [TIFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/134fvht/tifu_agreeing_to_watch_my_friend_have_sex/) agreeing to watch my friend have sex. (01 May 2023) A few nights ago I (22m) showed up at my friend's (25m) flat to watch him have sex with his gf (22). It was an unforgettable experience for all the wrong reasons. Sleeping together in front of someone else was a fantasy my friend and his gf wanted to explore, but to complete the package, the two of them had to be more than two. My name was apparently the only name that managed to get 2 unanimous yes votes from my friend and his gf during their selection process. I leaned towards saying no when my friend offered me the uncomfortable position of being the other person, but I accepted the role because my friend played his you owe me card and made it sound like it would be over in less than 10 minutes. I had one job. Enjoy the show, but without touching my friend or his gf. My presence was my only purpose. When I entered my friend's bedroom and approached my designated chair, I was prepared for an awkward night. My friend and his gf are attractive people, but I've never been keen to see them naked, let alone sexually active. As soon as the kissing and touching turned into stripping and sucking, I was struggling to contain my laughter. It was a nervous reaction that was out of my control due to an unusual situation that was also unintentionally funny. Exhibit A: my friend was quiet, too quiet, mimes made more noise than him. Exhibit B: my friend's gf must have been under the impression that I was a talent scout because literally any random touch from my vocally challenged friend, like his knuckle brushing against her knee or whatever, would prompt her to bite her bottom lip and moan like she was tasting a delicious dish for a television commercial. Exhibit C, my friend was unable to get a pivotal part of his anatomy to rise to the occasion because he focused too much of his attention on me when he noticed that I was fighting the urge to laugh. I did my best to avoid eye contact since I was supposed to be watching something purposefully hot, not accidentally hilarious. Mid BJ, my friend asked me what was so funny. I apologized and said my reaction was nothing more than nervous laughter, which was 90% true. The other 10% was me trying not to laugh at my friend being dead quiet while his gf was gunning for Best Over The Top Performance at the Academy Awards. When my friend's gf realized that I was indirectly distracting my friend, she unexpectedly wiggled my friend's flaccid penis and said "erecto patronum!" That broke me. I laughed uncontrollably. My friend got annoyed and said "look what you've done!" I thought he was talking to his gf, but it quickly became clear that he was actually talking to me. Based on his feedback, my "childish reaction" motivated his gf to incorporate inappropriate Harry Potter humor when he was feeling vulnerable. He blamed me for everything that didn't go according to plan, including the fact that he was struggling to get it up. By the time he was done branding me the bad guy, he was dressed and no longer interested in continuing. I apologized again and explained that it was never my intention to laugh or become a distraction. It was involuntary. My friend suggested that we continue the conversation the next day. That was 3 days ago. My friend is still not responding to my messages or answering my calls. I get that I should've done a better job being serious, but I don't understand how all of this is on me though. Anyway, never watching friends have sex again. TL:DR My friend convinced me to watch him have sex with his gf. I struggled not to laugh while I was watching, which became a distraction, and now my friend is angry at me for fucking up his fantasy. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/135ieq6/tifupdate_agreeing_to_watch_my_friend_have_sex/) posted 11 days back. (03 May 2023) TIFUpdate agreeing to watch my friend have sex. A few things happened since my original post. My post attracted too much attention on the internet, especially on TikTok, which I didn't even know showed Reddit posts. My friend's gf, who's always on TikTok, discovered my post and informed my friend. My friend finally stopped ghosting me and decided to communicate, which I thought was a positive development, until I realized he found out about my post and wanted to confront me. The confrontation still needs to happen, but in the meantime, my friend wanted me to "repair the damage to his reputation." I made it clear to my friend that I had no part in posting the story on TikTok, I only posted on Reddit, and I was more than willing to delete my Reddit post. My friend suggested that I edit my Reddit post to add all the "left out" information that would make him look less like the bad guy, like an update post, but from his perspective. I pointed out the fact that my post was completely anonymous and that no one knew who we were, but I might as well have said the opposite because my friend was still determined to share his side of the story. From this point onwards, you're reading my friend's words: *Citizens of Gotham...* Joking. Sorry. Okay, from this point onwards you're really reading my friend's words: *Here's the full story. My friend, Mr Innocent In All This, forgot to mention that he's attracted to my gf. He'll never admit it, but it's obvious, anyone can see it. Based on that fact, I knew he would agree to watch me have sex with my gf. No one coerced, bullied, or manipulated anyone. I only played my "you owe me card" as a joke. Everyone gave their full consent for no other reason than to enjoy themselves doing something kinky, whether it was watching or banging. My friend might have been uncomfortable at the thought of seeing me balls deep inside the girl he secretly wants, but he was low key excited to finally get the opportunity to see her naked and in action. She gave him a show because she knew he was only there for her, hence her "over the top performance." Me on the other hand, I was quiet, "too quiet", according to my friend's review. That's because I was too busy going down on my gf to provide commentary.* *I'll admit, it did bother me that my friend looked like he was trying not to laugh when I was struggling to get hard. In the heat of the moment, I believed he was trying to throw me off my game and make me look incompetent in front of my gf. It took me a few days to unpack the events with my gf before I accepted that what happened was due to me being unprepared for how weird it would be to have an audience in my bedroom. My nervous reaction was failing to get it up. My friend's nervous reaction was laughter. I understand that now. Not gonna lie, my gf using erecto patronum on me was unexpected and not something I appreciated at the time because my ego already took a hit, but I get that she was just trying to remind everyone in her own way that we were there to have fun, even though it stopped being fun. At least for me. I tried something new and realized it was not my thing. In closing, I have one question for my friend. Reddit, really bro?* That's the end. Copied and pasted from my recent messages and shared on Reddit, as per my friend's instruction. I'm seeing him in person at the end of the week to have a proper conversation. Fingers crossed he comes in peace. TL:DR My friend discovered my Reddit post about him on TikTok of all places and made me share an update from his point of view. \*\*Reminder - I am not the original poster.\*\* Flaired as Inconclusive because a POV from the gf can be expected.

OOP had to watch his friend have sex.

INCONCLUSIVE

Biblio_phagist

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13hcvd2/oop_had_to_watch_his_friend_have_sex/

13hwzra

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/Previous_Farm1336. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!Child favoritism!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Step-mom of the year for this mother's day; hopeful ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13aavhs/aita_for_telling_my_husband_hes_being_a_bad_father/)**: May 6, 2023** I 30 female am married to my husband Jack 37 male for 3 years. We have a daughter together Hannah 3 and my step daughter Ashley (his daughter from a precious relationship) is 10. Hannah started dance classes this year. This is her first year performing at a recital and we were all very excited. We had tickets for all 3 shows (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday) and couldn’t wait to watch her perform. Ashley found out earlier this week she’d be performing for her school chorus. The girl who originally was going to do it got sick. Ashley performance was Sunday at the same time as Hannah’s dance recital that night. Ashley told me how it would mean a lot to her if we went. So I worked it out with the dance school that Hannah would go the recital that night with my parents and Jack and I would go watch Ashley performance. (I would have pulled Hannah from dance but I was afraid she would want to sing during Ashley’s performance and Ashley should be able to have her own moment.) When I told my husband he was so upset. He said he wanted to be there for all of Hannah’s performances and we shouldn’t be pawning her off on my parents. I said my parents were going to the show anyway and her best friends mom will help her with the costume (I helped her daughter the day prior). He said I was crazy if I thought sending our 3 year old without us was a good idea. She’s stayed with her grandparents and gone to do things with them before. I told him he was being stupid and that Ashley needed her dad too. He refused to go and went with Hannah and told me to meet him at the dance recital. I went to Ashley’s performance instead. While I was there I was saying hello to Ashley’s mother and ended up finding out Jack never answered her about if he could bring her new black shoes. Ashley didn’t realize until today the ones at her moms house were too small (doesn’t wear them often) and I didn’t want her to feel different from the other kids. Luckily I got there early and there’s a shoe store down the street so I went to buy some and told her mom to keep them there so she has a pair at both houses now. When I went home my husband and I got into a huge argument. He said I let down Hannah and she was sad. I told him to keep in mind she’s 3 she ALWAYS wants us and then forgets about it in 5 minutes when she sees something else she wants. I told him he needs to remember we have another child to also think about not just Hannah. I told him he was an awful father for not showing up for Ashley and for not even mentioning she needed shoes. Even if he wasn’t going the least he could do was bring her the shoes. Him and I are still arguing and he’s sleeping on the couch. He won’t even talk to me and honestly I don’t want to talk to him either. I feel like I might have crossed the line calling him a bad father. I was really angry. AITA? Edit 1: I just realized I didn’t say why the shoes were mentioned. He asked me what that charge was for and when I told him he was mad I bought shoes for her mothers house. He said he pays enough in child support and buy her things for our house so it’s ridiculous. ***Relevant Comments:*** "He says it’s because Hannah is little and doesn’t want to miss her “firsts” but I try to remind him Ashley is still having “firsts” too. This was the first time she sang in front of a crowd." *Does the prioritizing of Hannah over Ashley happen often?* "Honestly the girls have never had conflicting events before. But once in a while if they’re arguing and Hannah cries (to get her way) he’ll take Hanna’s side. If Hannah’s being dramatic or tired I will pull him aside and we’ll talk. I don’t think Hannah should get her way just because she’s the baby. She needs to learn compromise too. It’s a valuable skill in life and needs to learn when no just means no." "He was an active father before he met me. That’s why I was surprised when he started acting this way." *About bio mom's relationship:* "Her mom and I have become good friends over the years. Her and I went to dinner alone before I met Ashley when she was 4 and realized we had a lot in common. I always respect her as her bio mom and love Ashley the same as my own." *Does your husband not do any co-parenting? Is it all up to you?* "No anything to do with actual coparenting they handle together and I’m there for support or if they want an opinion. I in no way take over the parent role but I do love her as if she were my own. It’s a balancing act. Her mom and I do have a great relationship though. And even though I’ve been in her life for 6 years I still ask her mom before answering certain questions or doing certain things out of respect. For example she asked me about periods one time so I told Ashley that I loved she was comfortable enough to ask me but I think we should also include her mom into the conversation and Ashley was happy with that response. Her mom asked if I’d be present for the conversation so that both houses were on the same page especially with what products she’d use. Another example is when I got Hannah’s ears pierced Ashley also wanted hers done so I called her mom and not just do it even though my husband said he didn’t mind. He’s her father but she’s also her mother and should have an equal say." **Edit 2 (Same Post): May 7, 2023 (Next Day)** This morning Jack and I took the girls out for breakfast. During breakfast Jack was telling Ashley about Hannah dance recitals. Ashley wasn’t able to make the recitals because she had practice for chorus the other two nights. Ashley asked if that’s why he missed her singing and Jack said yes. Ashley said her mom recorded it and maybe we could all watch it together one night so he could see. Jack made a comment about her mother. I didn’t hear exactly what he said but by Ashley’s reaction and his face I could tell it wasn’t kind. Ashley then went to the bathroom and I told him to cut the comments and that it wasn’t necessary. I went to check on Ashley and she was crying. So I texted Jack and told him I was taking both the girls out for the day until he could figure out an apology to Ashley. I told him the same way he wouldn’t want someone talking about him or I to Hannah he shouldn’t be doing that to Ashley’s mother. He could either get therapy and apologize to his daughter or I’d be going to my parents when I get home after taking the girls out. When I got the girls in my car I called Ashley’s mom and picked her up. The 4 of us will be at the amusement park today. Jack has been texting me apologizing all morning. I’ve already told him I’m not the person he needs to apologize to. **Update (Same Post): May 8, 2023 (2 days from OG post)** Ashley decided she wanted to stay at her moms house last night which I totally understood. Her mom also kept Hannah overnight for me so that Jack and I could talk about what happened with Ashley without either of the girls over hearing anything. I showed my husband this post and he cried reading through everyone’s responses. He’s opened his eyes to seeing that the favoritism is obvious to not only the girls but to everyone else. We talked about therapy and he’s agreed to go. We found a place that will actually do a family therapy where Jack, myself, and Ashley’s mom can have sessions together (Ashley’s mom also thinks it’s a great idea) and we can have the girls go as well but individually with just them and the therapist to talk. Blended families aren’t always easy to navigate and we want both the girls to also receive the benefits of having someone outside the family unit to confide in. This morning my husband decided he wanted to call Ashley to apologize. I told him it really should be done in person to seem genuine and he should call her first and be prepared if she’s not ready to talk to him yet and if she doesn’t want to accept his apology at this time. This way Ashley can decide when she’s ready to speak to someone who’s hurt her feelings.Once Ashley is out of school he will call her and see if she’d like to hear his apology. If she does and accepts his apology we’ll be watching her performance recording. Jack is also going to be apologizing to her mom for the comment that was made and ask if she’d like to do more family outings or dinners with us. He thinks it’ll be good for Ashley to also see them getting along which I think is a great idea.

AITA for telling my husband he’s being a bad father?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13hwzra/aita_for_telling_my_husband_hes_being_a_bad_father/

13i6eml

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/OrdosDeluxe in r/TrueOffMyChest** trigger warnings: >!divorce, manipulation!< mood spoilers: >!sad but predictible!< The first part of this was [originally posted on BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wv00kl/oops_wife_told_him_to_shut_his_mouth_in_front_of/) August 22, 2022 --- &nbsp; [**My wife told me to "shut my mouth" in front of a bunch of people at a kids birthday party.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wu8a41/my_wife_told_me_to_shut_my_mouth_in_front_of_a/) - August 21, 2022 My wife and I are at odds lately over her SIL (who is also her best friend), who is married to her brother. Long story short, she bends over backwards to accommodate their every ask, including babysitting, errands etc. This extends to volunteering me to help them without my knowledge or consent etc. She never sees my point of view or agrees with any criticism of them I have. We were at my nephew's birthday party today. My SIL is the one who's hosting it, so my wife is super keen for things to go well. Things were going ok - my daughter (3) was a bit upset because her balloon animal had accidentally been popped. So she's standing with my wife getting a cuddle, and a boy (older than her, 5/6) sprints into her and knocks her over. She's crying obviously, and I pick her up. My wife is making a joke of it saying "oh she needs to watch where she's going". I said back to her "don't blame her for getting bowled over by the bigger boy". Now, apparently the mother of this other kid was in earshot, which prompted my wife to tell me (in front of one of her other best friends and a couple of other guests) to "Shut my mouth." Then she had the cheek to tell me to not have a moody face. 15 minutes before this post, I sent an email to a divorce lawyer for a consultation. I've finally reached my limit. UPDATE: (same post) Firstly, I'd just like to thank everyone for your responses (supportive or otherwise). Being heard and listened to is such a mental boost. I spoke to my solicitor first thing this morning, and we had a good talk. He knows that I'm angry and upset at the situation, and he says that he will get myself and my wife in for a consultation if we decide to go down that route. The issue in Scotland is that for a divorce where only one party wants out, it can take upwards of a year to get it (and evidence of separation in that period) - unless both parties agree to "unreasonable behaviour" as the reason for the courts granting the divorce. Long story short, I can't proceed without her buy in (if I want it resolved fast). So I took my daughter to my mum's after this, and then sat my wife down. I told her that yesterday's situation was absolutely unacceptable, and that if I had told her to shut her mouth in front of my friends, that I'd be getting crucified from everyone we know. I told her she was lucky I "kept my mouth shut" at the party , and that I didn't give a fuck about how SIL would have taken it. We fought again about SIL, and again, she defended her actions, saying that I'm the selfish one who wont help out my family when they need it. I then did the (perhaps petty) move of dropping divorce leaflets I'd printed from my solicitors website in front of her. I said to her "I absolutely want to help my family, and this is how I do it." I told her about how I was tired of playing third wheel in my own marriage, and I told her that I was not prepared to subject my daughter to a lifetime of this subservience. Finally, it looks like what I've said has had an impact. She cried and I think she was close to having a panic attack. This made me feel guilty, because fundamentally I don't think she's a bad person, she's just brainwashed into thinking SIL is the second coming of the Messiah. So she promised that when I've finished work today we can have a serious talk about things, and she will listen to my concerns. Right now I'm not buying it, but I owe her and my daughter at least a chance to sort things out. So I'll see where it goes. To answer some questions folks had, I know this seemed like an overreaction to something, but you've got to understand this was the latest in a long line of SIL related issues. Some folks have asked if my wife is gay and in love - I have thought about this as a possibility. I didn't ask her yet, but I may tonight. It certainly seems logical given how passionate she gets about it. Thanks everyone for reading, and especially all of you who have DMed me, I appreciate it more than you know. UPDATE 2 (same post) Hi again everyone, thanks for all of your continued support and advice. I wanted to put another update on to let you know what was happening. So we sat down last night for the crunch talks. I have to give her credit where it's due - she apologized for what she said at the party, and she said that she'd also have considered divorce if I'd done the same to her. I reiterated to her that my issue is that she completely makes herself subservient to SIL at our expense. I pointed out how messed up it was that she didn't immediately take our daughter's side in this incident. The collision was accidental (I think), but I told her that to blame the little one was out of line, which she accepted. I then asked her outright if she had any sort of romantic feelings for SIL. She squirmed and looked a little uncomfortable. She said that a long time ago at the end of high school there had been a drunken kiss on a night out, but nothing beyond that. She sort of played the angle that she didn't want anyone (especially her brother) to know about it, and that's why she bends over backwards to make sure SIL is happy. I asked her if SIL had ever threatened to reveal this incident, but she denies that it's even been brought up. She just thinks that if the wider family knew, it'd bring up a lot of weirdness. She swears that she has no interest in having any kind of relationship with SIL, and that she's straight. I told her I didn't care about what she did that long ago, but that it needed to stop impacting our relationship in the present because I am the thinnest of thin hairs away from walking away forever. She (surprisingly) apologised again, and said that she'd really try to work on it. I told her that I needed to see some proof of that, so she can consider herself on probation. I told her that if I feel that it's happened again, I'll be taking our daughter to stay at my mum's. She accepted this, so we're proceeding cautiously. Sorry if this isn't the update you were all hoping for, but I think it's the best thing for the three of us right now. &nbsp; [**My wife spent my birthday out with her friends**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12b1qi9/my_wife_spent_my_birthday_out_with_her_friends/) - April 3, 2023 I've posted here many times about issues I've had with my wife - most commonly with regards to her subservience to her best friend turned Sister in Law (SIL). She's promised to try and work on this, given how much its impacted our marriage - but today I think we passed the point of no return. You see, today is my birthday (its past midnight now though). This morning my daughter (who is nearly 4) gave me huge hugs and kisses which was great. My wife gave me a card, and told me that my gift hadn't arrived in the post yet. My suspicion is that she's yet to order it, or ordered it late (Whatever it may be). I then logged into my work, and did my shift like any other day. My wife was off work, while my daughter was at my mum's for a visit. Nothing special was planned for the evening, because there were plans in place already. Just that those plans didn't include me. SIL and a couple of my wife's other friends had arranged to go out for dinner and drinks, because a voucher SIL had for a particular restaurant expired soon, and my birthday was the only date they could all make. Shitty right? Gets better though, because my wife made a big social media post wishing me a happy birthday, saying how crap it was that I had to work all night on my birthday (a complete lie). But it does make her look less bad in public for not spending my birthday with me. The issue is, because she's done this, I now couldn't make plans with friends or family without exposing her lie. So... yeah. Great birthday. When I think about how she'd react if I had pulled half the shit she has pulled, I can't see it ending any other way than me getting screamed at, even though she's chosen to spend my birthday with SIL instead of me. On the plus side, I did some warhammer painting after I collected my daughter and played with her a bit before bed. She also asked why mummy wasn't here, which kind of crushed me. Am I wrong to be annoyed about this? &nbsp; *OP NOTE: The user then made two posts titled Update: My wife spent my Birthday out with her friends and My wife spent my Birthday out with her friends (continued). Both made on April 14, 2023. Both were deleted within seconds of posting. I tried several recovery sites but was unsuccessful.* &nbsp; [**I've separated from my wife.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12ng33x/ive_separated_from_my_wife/) - April 15, 2023 pHi again everyone. I just wanted to say firstly thank you very much for all of your responses and private messages. Many of you were supportive, and many of you (rightfully upon reflection) told me that I needed to grow some backbone and sort my shit out. I've been sitting on this for a few days, because the full events of what has transpired since then have blown my mind, and have brought home some very harsh truths about my relationship. But I also wanted to see if what went down would actually stick - and so far it has. The fun Question out of the way first, for those who were asking about my painting, I was painting some Thousand Sons terminators. So starting the day after my birthday - my wife initiated sex - and let me tell you, this was an occasion in itself. I legitimately could not tell you the last time that this happened, its been THAT long. I'm thinking to myself, maybe she's feeling guilty about yesterday and she's trying to make it up. After the deed was done, she turns round to me and says "your present won't be here for another couple of days, that will have to do for now." I'm pretty disappointed at this point- not because I had a huge desire for a particular gift, but because she felt that her behaviour the day before was fine. And then for her to think "ill use sex to cover up my fuck up", was also a bit of a blow. Whatever, I've sucked up worse before and powered through. What broke me was her opinion on SILs birthday (long story short for those who don't know, SIL is possibly my least favourite person on the planet due to her parasitic behaviour and main character syndrome). Coincidentally, it's a couple of weeks after mine. My wife told me all about her birthday plans for her - she wanted to ger her a gift for her favourite massage therapist. What was the big deal? The shop only sells paper vouchers, and it's a 3 hour round trip to the shop. So off she went (again leaving me with my daughter), and what commenced next can only be described as 3 hours of my brain, simmering slowly towards an explosion. I took my daughter to my brother's house, because I knew that when my wife came back I was going to explode. When she came back, I was sitting in the living room with a bag packed for me (and in an admittedly petty move) and one packed for my daughter. This immediately got her attention, and she demanded to know what was going on. I unloaded it all. It wasn't coherent, and I definitely got more emotional as I unloaded more grievances. I started by telling her it was unacceptable how she completely screwed up my birthday, while making SILs birthday a major priority. How I was sick of feeling like a third wheel in my own marriage. How I had literally sacrificed my personality on the altar of keeping her happy, and how I never saw my friends anymore, yet she could do whatever she wanted. How I take care of the house despite working more hours than her for not even a shred of gratitude. How she used (lack of) sex as a tool of manipulation and control. I cried and shouted, she did the same and vehemently denied all of my accusations. She demanded to know where our girl was, and I told her. I told her that she would not be using her as a bargaining chip against me. We eventually calmed down enough to agree that I would keep her at our house, while she temporarily stayed with her mum and dad. I agreed to drop her off for visits while we worked things out. It's been a few emotionally exhausting days. I feel drained, spent and tired. But I have my little girl, and I feel like I have done what I could. I don't know what my relationship status is right now. We haven't been speaking, except to arrange drop offs, and I'm comfortable with that for now. I need some more time before I consider more permanent steps. I've never ever unloaded on her like this before, but Jesus christ it felt good, even if she continued to deny everything. &nbsp; /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 also provided a link to [this post from the OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/y75tii/aita_for_leaving_my_sick_wife_to_deal_with_two/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) that provides some additional insight into OOP's marriage. **Reminder - I am not the original poster. I've marked this as ongoing because OOP has only just begun separation process.** **EDIT: added original BoRU post at the top and link provided by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77**

OOP's wife tells him to "shut his mouth" at a party. Things go downhill from there.

NEW UPDATE

Johannes_Chimp

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13i6eml/oops_wife_tells_him_to_shut_his_mouth_at_a_party/

13iei2f

From [Ask a Manager](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/my-boss-and-coworkers-are-constantly-at-my-house.html) - January 3rd 2023: I need your help in reclaiming my home. I am an employee at a small consulting company (my boss plus three employees). We all live in the same small town and I often see my boss and coworkers at social functions around town. We each work from our homes and there is no central office. I live in a very convenient location right downtown, and this has led to my house being used as the central location for the business. For example, my home functions as a place for people to exchange work materials and a place to meet up and park vehicles before working out of town. If my boss wants to meet in person, he invites himself to my house. He does Zoom calls from my house because I have better internet than he does. He also makes me store large pieces of equipment (when I pushed back against this, he said it’s because I have a large house and garage while he lives in a small apartment). I had to train a new hire in my dining room (a five-day endeavor). One of my colleagues (who I considered a friend before she was hired here) has started imposing even more by asking me to make her coffee, asking to borrow clothing from me, and storing personal belongings at my place when we go on work trips. She’s also using my bathroom twice a day, a few days a week (when we meet at my house to start at a day of work out of town, and when we get back after the workday to pick up her car). I am not a monster that will say no to her when nature calls (she arrives after a 45-minute drive from her house). This isn’t her fault — it’s my boss who has set up the situation that my home is the base for the staff members. But on other days when she works alone, she has asked if she could pop by throughout the day to use my washroom when she’s driving around. I said no to that and suggested she use local businesses (not great for her). I wish I were more welcoming, but it forces me to hide my medications and do a quick cleanup before she gets there, which I’d rather not do. Plus, when she’s in the house she asks if she can have a cup of coffee. This all makes me feel self-conscious about my house, imposes on my privacy (and my spouse’s privacy), makes me feel taken advantage of, and even annoys my dogs. I have dealt with some of this by occasionally saying no or coming up with excuses such as “my husband is napping so you can’t come over” or “I ran out of coffee filters so let’s meet at the cafe instead.” I also suggested that my boss rent a local coworking space but he said it was too expensive. My boss and colleagues aren’t getting the hint that I want my house to be off-limits to them. Now I’m considering having a meeting with my boss to set some boundaries. Ideally I would not want anyone at my house anymore for any reason. I am happy to have my own home office where I complete my work, but I don’t want my boss or colleagues to be at my house anymore, period — not even for non-work reasons at this point. How do I graciously set this boundary without seeming rude or unwelcoming? This has been going on for about 1.5 years. I have started job hunting but in my small isolated town there are few opportunities. [Alison’s advice](https://www.askamanager.org/2023/01/my-boss-and-coworkers-are-constantly-at-my-house.html) Update - March 13 2023. First off, I want to thank you and the commenters for the advice. I hadn’t realized how ridiculous my situation had become, probably because small-town life has a way of making strange relationship dynamics seem normal. I sent the letter just before you went on Christmas vacation so there was about 3-4 weeks of time before getting your advice. Turns out I did most of the things the way you would have done, which was reassuring! Before my letter was published, high-speed internet came to my boss’s neighborhood. He connected to it right away and stopped using my house for Zoom meetings without me saying anything. Also before my letter was published I told my boss a white lie that I was doing renovations and couldn’t store the equipment for him (turns out this is what you advised me to do!). He replied that he’d put it in the company storage unit which he’d rented and forgotten to tell me about. It took some prodding to get him to follow through, but my house and garage are now free of company equipment. After reading your excellent advice, my coworker texted to say she’d be coming over for a meeting. I used your script and said that my house was no longer a central hub for the company and that we’d meet elsewhere. She replied “makes sense.”. We met at a coffee shop and there was no drama. That week she was laid off so I no longer have any issues with her and we have not talked since, which is fine with me. I feel so much lighter and happier at work and home now that I don’t have to deal with her! I decided not to have a direct conversation with my boss about using my house for work. Much of it resolved with the new high-speed internet at his apartment and the layoff of my coworker. Since then, any time he has asked to meet I’ve suggested we meet on Zoom or at a coffee shop and he has been fine with it. He has not been in my house at all this year and I plan on him never being here again. I don’t know that he’s clued in that my house is no longer available but that’s okay. If he hires another employee I will have a direct conversation with him to ensure that my house is not available for any purpose anymore, but as yet that has not been needed. A few things I wanted to clarify that came up in the comments. First, my boss is not malicious — he’s just clueless about boundaries. My coworker is also not malicious but just doesn’t understand basic human relationship dynamics. Second, I am not at a point where I can heavily go into a job hunt because I’m facing a medical issue and don’t have the energy to do a serious job hunt. I’ve done one interview and did not get the job and turned down two other interviews. I have started a grueling medical treatment and the thought of starting a new job during treatment makes my stomach turn. I thought I’d leave the readers with another fun tidbit. Despite have finally rid my house of my boss and coworker, my boss’s daily walking route takes him past my house every morning. So every morning as I sip my coffee, he waves at me as he walks by.

My boss and coworkers are constantly at my house

EXTERNAL

Mozart-Luna-Echo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13iei2f/my_boss_and_coworkers_are_constantly_at_my_house/

13iv4gi

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/RiskyBaller in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: >!rape!< mood spoilers: >!depressing!< Original BORU post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/x9tt14/i_m26blew_up_my_wedding_by_uninviting_my/ --- &nbsp; [**I [M26]blew up my wedding by uninviting my groomsmen. How do I fix things?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x4g8fa/i_m26blew_up_my_wedding_by_uninviting_my/) - Sep 02, 2022 2 weeks ago I had my bachelor party. I was very hesitant about having one in the first place, mainly because I don’t like the connotation/expectations behind a traditional bachelor party. My best man and all my groomsmen knew this. We’ve known each other for a very long time (since childhood )and we’re all super close. (My groomsmen are M28, M28, M29, best man is M25). Before I met my fiancé, I was not a good person. I manipulated and used women (sexually and emotionally) all the time and thought it was cool/fun. This was partly because of my (then) unresolved trauma from women in my childhood. When I graduated from college I started taking care of myself. Physically, emotionally, and most importantly mentally. I was able to afford therapy and really worked hard on myself to change and become a better man. My best man knew about this, and has followed my journey and has been generally very supportive. He too has started to see how toxic our behaviour was and is basically more or less on the same path to becoming a better person. Our other friends… not so much. But it’s not something that affects our friendship and they are much better with their behaviour in comparison to when we were younger. I met my fiancé shortly after the changes I made. My fiancé really helped me heal from my trauma and has embraced me with all my flaws. I feel so loved and cared for and she’s the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not to mention that her family has welcomed me since day 1. I’ve opened up to her about everything (she knows about my past) and she’s well aware of my friend group and how they are. She ended up actually encouraging me to have a bachelor party so I wouldn’t miss out on a once in a lifetime experience I told the boys I didn’t want anything to do with strippers or strip clubs or any variation of naked/semi naked girls. They agreed. We went to a hotel with a casino and gambled for most the afternoon. In the evening we went back to our room and drank some more and by the time it was 8/9pm I was completely wasted. This is where things took a turn for the worse. My groomsmen were talking to a group of girls when we were gambling in the afternoon who were doing a bachelorette party. They invited them to our room and they showed up at 9. So when they showed up, things got crazy. We all went to a club at which point I pretty much blacked out. I remember telling my best man to take me back and that I didn’t feel good about being this drunk at a club but he just sort of shrugged and laughed it off. Next thing I remember is coming in and out of consciousness while one of the bridesmaids from the other party was unzipping my pants in her hotel room. I tried to push her away but kept blacking out and I even mustered enough energy to say out loud please stop I don’t want to. She kept going and I ended up finishing. When I woke up the next morning i was back in our hotel room. I thought I had a terrible nightmare but I slowly started remembering everything, I began to have a panic attack. I woke everyone and tried to find out what happened. My groomsmen were being extremely dismissive and not taking it seriously but I pressed until one of them admitted that they thought it would be funny to convince one of the bridesmaids to take me back to her room and “give me one more night of fun” before I become trapped. I lost my shit and freaked out. I left without them and have been staying with my cousin until I figure out what to do next. I called my fiancé and told her I need to postpone the wedding, i need time to think. The boys and my fiancé have been blowing up my phone, I’ve only been responding to my fiancé and reassuring her that it’s not her, it’s something with me. I sent one text one week later to my boys group chat telling them they are all uninvited. I obv told my fiancé about this but didn’t explain why. She, her family, and all the relatives of my friends have been calling me a complete AH and blowing up my phone non stop about the issue. The only people that know what happened are me, the boys and my cousin. I don’t have any other family. And my best man said he had no idea what they were up to and feels like shit for not being there to stop/protect me. I feel so lost. I haven’t slept for days. I can’t eat. I can’t think. I can’t breathe. I can’t even look my fiancé in the face. I keep making excuses about why I’m staying with my cousin and the “I’m working through something” response I wearing thin. I feel sick every time I text her because I cheated. Even tho I didn’t want it, I finished and I feel like a horrible person. It feels like I regressed and with my history, I can’t trust myself anymore and how can I expect my fiancé to. Update: So many of you have reached out to me and offered support. I appreciate all of you ❤️. I’ve decided to tell my fiancé everything. I’ve been convinced from the sheer amount of people telling me it’d be the right next move. I don’t know much but I do know that when 100s of people tell you the same thing, they’re probably correct. I texted her to meet tomorrow. I’m taking my cousin with me and I think I’m going to try to explain and have my cousin/this post as a back up. She seemed sort of relived/anxious that I agreed to meet. I’m aware that this could destroy everything we have so I really hope it all works out. Thank you all for pushing me to tell her. I’ll try to update as soon as I can. &nbsp; [**I [M26]blew up my wedding by uninviting my groomsmen. How do I fix things? [Update]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/x9lklg/i_m26blew_up_my_wedding_by_uninviting_my/) - Sep 08, 2022 (6 days later) After reading through all the comments and getting a lot supportive dms, I decided to tell my fiancé everything. I took my cousin with me and had a speech prepared (on paper). We decided to meet at our home, so my cousin and I drove to her. We pulled up to the drive way and my heart was pounding out my chest. I told my cousin I need to turn around and I couldn’t do this but they insisted and pushed me through it. As soon as I got out of the car my fiancé opened the front door and stared at me with an emotionless face. I thought we got off to a horrible start, I was dreading going inside. We walk in and my fiancé directs us to our living room. At this point no one has said a word and you can cut the tension with a butter knife. My cousin and I sit on one couch, and my fiancé is sitting on the couch to the right of us, closest to me. I open by telling her that I’m really sorry about how I’ve been acting, and that she’s done nothing wrong. I pull out my paper letter and start shaking a lot, I try reading the first couple of sentences but eventually start to breakdown and have panic attack/cry. My cousin grabbed the letter and continued reading the letter until I was able to grab it back and continue. The letter read like my first post, had a lot more apologies and emotion in it tho. When I finished I looked up and saw her extremely distraught and upset. She just stood up, said she needed a minute to think and went to the bathroom for a good half hour. I didn’t know what to think, I was devastated and it was killing me inside. I didn’t know what she was thinking or what she was going to do next. When she opened the bathroom door, she just ran up to me and hugged me, and started balling her eyes out. She kept saying that she was sorry about what happened to me, and that she wishes she was there to protect me. We spent the rest of the night talking about it, she was very supportive and was just mad that I didn’t come to her sooner. She’s furious with my (ex) best men and immediately texted her family (without all the details) to explain my side. She said something along the lines of “they did unforgivable things”. We’ve decided to postpone the wedding while we both figure out how to work through this. My fiancé has already helped me connect with mental health resources that deal with assaults, I’ve already been to 2 session this week. She’s been extremely supportive and comforting. We’re looking into next steps with the police to report the crime, although I don’t have much evidence. I honestly don’t care if I get Justice at this point, I’m just glad my fiancé believes me. I told her I was scared she would think I was lying because of my past, but she said she knows I’ve changed and that she fell in love with the person I am today. As for my best men, I’ve got no contact since, it’s only been 6 days since I told my fiancé, so I’m still working through some stuff. In the mean time, I’m happy I have the love of my life In my arms at night. I can rest easy at night. The nightmares have slowed/stopped. I’ll try to update when I can in the future. Thanks for the advice &nbsp; [**I [M26]blew up my wedding by uninviting my groomsmen. How do I fix things? [Update 2]**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xbwcnl/i_m26blew_up_my_wedding_by_uninviting_my/) (removed by moderators; recovered from [archive.org](https://web.archive.org/web/20220912001636/https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/xbwcnl/i_m26blew_up_my_wedding_by_uninviting_my/)) - Sep 11, 2022 (3 days later) This will be my last update for a while I just want to thank everyone for the kind words and support in my inbox. Some of you even opened up about similar experiences and that really helped. I’m not even close to being okay mentally, I constantly have panic attacks and anxiety randomly throughout the day. Sometimes unrelated things can trigger an attack, but I’m trying my best to fight and survive. My fiancé has been my rock, and her family (her dad, mom and sisters) have been angels. They’ve even hired a private investigator to help with our police report that we’re filing. My fiancé’s dad is well connected in the legal world, and he’s connecting me with a lawyer who’ll be pretty much taking lead with my case. In the mean time, all I can do is try working through my issues and trying to move on. It’s hard, not just for me, which kills me inside. I can see the pain this situation has caused my fiancé. I can see it in her eyes. It’s hard not to blame myself. I’ve written personal letters to the parents of all my ex friends (groomsmen) explaining things. I mailed them out yesterday, I’m closing that chapter of my life, as I’ve also mentioned that in those letters. What they do with that information is their choice. As for our wedding, we have decided to revisit things next year, maybe sooner depending on everything we’re dealing with right now. We know we don’t have to rush and can just take our time. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay, or if the panic attacks/anxiety will ever go. I hope the next time I update I’ll feel like I can breathe again. Till next time… &nbsp; [**I [M26]blew up my wedding by uninviting my groomsmen. How do I fix things? [Final Update]**](https://www.reddit.com/user/RiskyBaller/comments/12tnin8/i_m26blew_up_my_wedding_by_uninviting_my/) - Apr 20, 2023 (7 months later) **Hey everyone,** I have been constantly receiving messages about an update on my situation so I thought I’d loop you in on what’s been happening since the last time we spoke. [...] I want to quickly take a moment to thank you all for the supportive comments and messages through out this whole ordeal. It has meant the world to me. Ok, now on to the highly requested update After everything that went down it was really hard for me to piece my life back together. I did struggle with anxiety and ptsd from the incident. You have to understand, apart from my cousin, my friends were all the family I had left. To lose that so suddenly was brutal. Gut wrenching. I tried therapy for a while, it helped until it didn’t. Life became a little dark and it put a strain on me and my fiancé’s relationship. I don’t blame her. We ended up breaking things off and went no contact. Between the panic attacks and the constant stress from the after math of our failed wedding, it was too much. In the span of 4 months I went from being sexually assaulted, to losing most of my family, to losing the love of my life. To say I’ve had it rough is an understatement. My police case came to a dead end a week after I reported everything. Was told there was nothing I could do. From a legal stand point, I could have pursed a civil lawsuit but I don't have the resources for a legal battle with my ex groomsmen. I also don't have the emotional strength or courage to look them in the face after everything. Only one of them reached out. My best man. We had a chance to chat for a bit but I was very closed off and ended the interaction making it know that our friendship has pretty much come to an end. He was very emotional and told me he understood. It felt like I had cut my own arm off. I will say though, my cousin has been my life line. She’s kept me alive through out this, and trust me, there were points when that was not easy for her. I was pretty much ready to go… I stayed with my cousin and her BF for about a month after my break up, enough time for me to find a job out of state and move away from everything. I’ve spent the last 5-6 months starting over. It was very hard at first but it’s true what they say. Time heals all things. I love what I do for work and most of my colleagues have become close friends. My boss is super chill and understanding. I’m neighbours with this cool hippy couple that has me over for dinner on a weekly basis AND I’m dating again. I haven't found someone specifically but it has been nice to have sex again. I don't mean that as a brag or to be crude, but I genuinely thought I wouldn't bring myself to enjoy sex ever again. It's weird, feels like I've discovered sex for the first time again. I’m still a work I’m progress. But Im happy to report that I’m alive and trying! My ex fiancé did attempt to contact me around Christmas/new years since she heard I was in town visiting my cousin. She wanted to talk. I don’t know what about. I decided not to reach back out. I felt it would destroy all the progress I’ve made. Not ready to open old wounds and all. She is the love of my life. Always will be. But I feel it’s too risky to let her back into my life again. If she broke my heart for round 2 I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t make it back this time. For now, I’m alive and decently happy. I’ve got food in my belly and roof over my head. I have it better than most. I’m grateful. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I [M26]blew up my wedding by uninviting my groomsmen. How do I fix things?

NEW UPDATE

threpost

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13iv4gi/i_m26blew_up_my_wedding_by_uninviting_my/

13jcbv4

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/Steffy_love **in** r/TalesFromYourServer mood spoilers: >!wholesome all around!<   [**Waited on a bus of 110 children**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalesFromYourServer/comments/137ycr7/waited_on_a_bus_of_110_children/) \- 5 May 2023 My manager asked if I could work last night because she needed an extra server to help with a bus of 110 8th graders returning from a field trip. I'm never one to pass on an opportunity to make money, so of course I obliged. My co-workers and I began stocking early to prep for their arrival. When the kids arrived, I noticed that they were ALL so polite. Each time I would drop off drinks, rolls or straws, I was met with smiles and "Thank Yous". The kids didn't make much of a mess either. They also asked for trash bags to clean up some of what they had left. One little dude called me over and said, "Excuse me, here's a tip for you. I didn't want to hold onto it any longer". He gave me $10 on his own. So sweet! Overall, my co-workers and I enjoyed working. Edit: Wow, I'm so glad you all enjoyed this! Shout out to the parents, teachers, and positive influences in these lovely kids lives! *Notable comments* >That is NOT what we do here. I was drooling from the title, expecting some red meat of obnoxious, entitled behavior.   Now, I, well, almost believe in humanity again. Jeesh! The nerve! &#x200B; >If you can, write a letter to their school. Everyone will be delighted by it and the kids get a big dose of positive reinforcement.   &#x200B; >Their parents should be very proud of them. Obviously the children’s parents have done a wonderful job raising their children. If you know what school these eighth graders came from ,it would be nice of you and your coworkers call the school and compliment their students behavior. &#x200B; \-------  **Update (as an edit on the same post)** Update! I wrote a thank you letter to the school and included a $200 donation for the students to have a pizza, ice cream, or any gathering of the Principal's choosing. The Principal was touched. She stated they're going to come back every year and request me :)   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP, a server, waited on a bus of 110 children

CONCLUDED

ScarletWitch912

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13jcbv4/oop_a_server_waited_on_a_bus_of_110_children/

13jjkbd

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/DeadlyViking **in** r/AskWomenOver30 trigger warnings: >!the patriarchy; hostile work environment!< mood spoilers: >!none!< &#x200B; &#x200B; [**My (30sF) Manager (50sM) is holding me back and it's affecting my career**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/11etabd/my_30sf_manager_50sm_is_holding_me_back_and_its/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**. -** February 28th, 2023 My Manager won't promote me because I'm too valuable in my current position. I've expressed my desire for additional responsibilities, more visibility to the company and a promotion. He agrees the work I'm doing is 1-2 levels higher than my title and comp and I should be doing more and have a different title, but has been making excuses for 5 years why he "can't" promote me. He tried replacing me with 5 different external candidates over 13 months, so I could move up, and none of them stuck because the job was too big, too demanding and too much work even for candidates with 20+ years of experience. He brought them all in at a higher comp than I am currently making. Currently, I am the only person in the company who knows how to do around 40% of my responsibilities. I think this is a major factor in his decision. He said I can't get a raise to the market level because I will be making more than my (male) counterparts. I've been in my role for 8 years. Does a lateral move for higher comp at a different company make sense? Nearly every current ad for my same title at similar size companies is paying 15-20% more than what I'm making. Or should I hold out for a different title even if it means staying at the company for 6-12+ more months? Not sure if that contradicts my desire to continue growing in my career. I'm frustrated because I've been in my position 3 years longer than I wanted and I'm not progressing as I should. I'm a Mid 30s Corporate Manager for a 2 Billion dollar company. If I stay in my role at this company any longer, I dread that I will never get out. Internal or external. I will go crazy if I'm doing this work for the next 30 years. As a hiring Manager, I would see it as a red flag that the current company isn't promoting the employee applying. I don't know how to professionally say I'm being blocked by my Manager. Has anyone else ever experienced something similar? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; [**\[Update\] My (30sF) Manager (50sM) is holding me back and it's affecting my career.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/11onera/update_my_30sf_manager_50sm_is_holding_me_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **-** March 11th, 2023 Original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/11etabd/my_30sf_manager_50sm_is_holding_me_back_and_its/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I just want to thank everyone for their feedback and advice. I was really having a hard time at work and I needed to know I wasn't wrong for thinking this way. The day after my original post, I updated my resume and scoured the internet for job opportunities. I applied to over a dozen job ads and I think half of them reached out to me for interviews. There was one I really liked during the initial interviews, but continued with the process for the other ones to get more interview experience. It was a crazy week trying to schedule all of the interviews while working during our busy month, but I didn't care. For the one I really liked, it took a week to go through the interview process. I cannot stress enough how stressful those days were! Every day/interview that went by, I got more and more excited. The Hiring Manager and I were chatting and talking like we've known each other for years. Every time I brought up my way of thinking or something I've achieved, they got really excited. I had a really good feeling about this opportunity. In the final interview, I, once again, talked about growth opportunities and my desire to learn and absorb as much as I can to help the company continue to succeed. They already talked about what type of paths I can take within the company and what they will do to help me achieve my goals. They gave specific examples, which is more than I've ever received from my current Manager for the 10 years I've worked for him. They offered me the position! Bigger title, 20% pay bump, hybrid, competitive PTO, good bonus potential and better benefits. I accepted the position and will be giving my notice this week. It also checks several other boxes that I'm looking for. I am beyond excited for this opportunity! I should note that I will not accept a counter offer. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; [\[Update #2\] My (30sF) Manager (50sM) is holding me back and it's affecting my career.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/12frcwm/update_2_my_30sf_manager_50sm_is_holding_me_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**-** April 8th, 2023 [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/11etabd/my_30sf_manager_50sm_is_holding_me_back_and_its/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) [Update #1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomenOver30/comments/11onera/update_my_30sf_manager_50sm_is_holding_me_back/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) It has been quite a whirlwind over the past month. I gave my notice. My Manager was annoyed, disengaged from me and wanted nothing to do with me. HR and his Manager, the #2 person in the company, tried to get me to stay. Offered me a 40% raise, the title I want, the changes to the department I want and anything else I want. I thought about it for all of 0 seconds and I said no. I told both of them everything that has been going on over the past year. The CEO/Owner even made a few passes at me to get me to stay. I politely said no. They all know he is the reason I was leaving. My Manager spoke to me all of 3 times. He ignored me. He treated me like crap. He made comments about me. He argued with me in meetings. It was so unprofessional and it took everything I had to work out my full notice. I miraculously went from an award winning Manager to the worst he's ever seen. How convenient. I heard through the grapevines he nearly got fired for treating me like he has. I don't know if it's true or not, but I'll pretend it is. I do know, however, he presented changes to "fix" the department after my departure. HR and his boss looked at it and said, 'That's OP's plan, isn't' it?' and he reluctantly said yes. This jerk-off tried to take my ideas and play them off as his own. Again. I worked for this man for nearly a decade. They threw a going away party for me. He didn't come. Not even for 2 seconds to say, "good luck" to save face for the rest of the department. He called in sick my last day, so I never actually had any closure with him. You can imagine how painful it must have been for him to contact me and ask to be a consultant because no one else can do my stuff. I told him I will not work with him, but will discuss details with another Manager within the company. Details are still pending, but I'm holding firm on my number. If they don't want to pay me what I want, no skin off my back. This past week was my first week at my new job and I love it. It's everything I hoped for and more. They are already discussing and giving me additional responsibilities and departments over the summer and I could not be happier. My new Manager and I get along so well. I've never regretted for a second making this decision. My husband has made comments about how happy I am and I'm smiling again. The hour demands are significantly less, so I have time to spend on my hobbies. I actually get to WFH now, as this is a hybrid position, so we are updating the home office. This honestly feels like a dream and I'm going to wake up any minute. I am so happy. Thank you everyone in my previous posts for your kind words and support. They really helped push me to making the right decision for me and my family. &#x200B; &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (30sF) Manager (50sM) is holding me back and it's affecting my career.

CONCLUDED

2006bruin

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13jjkbd/my_30sf_manager_50sm_is_holding_me_back_and_its/

13k427j

Originally posted by u/extension-marzipan86 in r/AmItheAsshole on April 26, '23 updated on May 1, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13083rd/aita_for_my_husband_missing_his_daughters_prom/)** April 26, '23 &nbsp; AITA for my husband missing his daughters prom? I 36 female have been married to my husband Josh 40 for 10 years. We have a 9 year old daughter Lauren together and my step daughter Riley is 18. About a year ago I booked a vacation with my girlfriends for one of their bachelorette parties. It’s this weekend in Tennessee. We leave Thursday and come back Monday. This weekend Lauren has a cheerleading competition that Josh is taking her to. Lauren is required to have a guardian there the whole time and she needs to arrive early Friday and leaving Sunday. We did ask the cheer director if a friends mom could bring her and my husband could meet her there after but they said no. And if she’s not there for the check in time she can’t compete that weekend. Riley’s prom is Friday. Riley did not have a junior prom and her school only has senior prom. We found out the date of prom after school started and the trip had already been booked and paid for. My husband is now going to be missing Riley’s prom to take Lauren to her competition. Riley thinks this is extremely unfair and that we’re playing favorites since she’ll never get this chance again and she wants pictures with her dad and sister. She’s been messaging my husband about it. Lauren doesn’t want to miss her competition and risk her spot on her team. My husband asked if I’d cancel my trip and I told him no. The trip has been booked, paid for, and I also need a break. He takes breaks and trips as well. My husband and I are now fighting because he feels like no matter what he does he’s stuck. He’s already told Lauren he’ll be taking her to the cheer comp which means he’ll be missing prom. So AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* >"Getting some 'This isn't really my problem because I'm not even going to be here.' vibes." >Yeah, you're not that concerned with your daughters' situations. OP: I will be in Tennessee while it’s his turn to figure this one out >“Figure this one out” >What have you ever had to figure out between the 2 girls? OP: Usually everything. We all usually go to both girls events and if the girls have events on the same day or same times I’ll take Lauren and he’ll take Riley. He knew about this trip well in advance and I let him know since I wouldn’t be here he’d have to figure this one out. >Sounds like you are focused on being vindictive and forcing responsibility on your husband because of past issues. I can see you need a break. But in this instance you are hurting the kids more than anyone else. You chose to have children and their needs come first. You really should have learned that before having a kid. *Comments responding to people saying OP is to blame for the whole mess:* >>Maybe extend your context gathering skills to pick up on the fact that she always manages the scheduling for the family; dad set this up while she worked, didn’t check a calendar etc . >>She can’t clean up every mess herself. She’s paid for the trip, he overbooked himself. She won’t be there. He could choose to be there for a photo op for prom and the youngest misses out. And that means she misses out on a full season or other competitions. He chose to honor the choice he himself made. It’s prom. Not grad. . >>why should OP need to figure it all out last minute? Why didn’t they try to figure it out sooner? Why didn’t her husband try figuring it out before telling the coach that his daughter will take part at the competition? Or talk to his older daughter way before? . >>It sounds like a last minute realisation and planning on the husbands side to me where OP relied on his planning. . >So Riley sees that you always pick Lauren over her? OP: I don’t pick Lauren over Riley. But Riley has her mother and father at her events when I can’t go and Lauren has me her mother. Sometimes I can’t always be at my SD events when my daughter also has one. . OP: If she misses the competition her entire team can’t compete. All the kids have to be there in order to compete that are on the roster that was submitted. The girls either still show up or they forfeit. My husband has decided he’s not forcing Lauren to miss her competition. We did look into documents the competition would need and there wasn’t time to get them in time since it’s this weekend so it would have to be my husband taking her or her not going. *Ediotor note: I'm seeing lots of comments about why another trusted adult couldn't be there for Lauren. My sister was in competitive cheer from grade 3 to grade 12. They likely needed a legal guardian there for legal purposes, in case there was an injury or something. Maybe to sign legal liability waivers for the event space. Cheerleading can be pretty dangerous when they get old enough to incorporate tumbling and pyramids.* . Riley and I have always been close. I usually drive both girls to their events and competitions and do most of the family planning regularly. . >INFO: was the roster submitted before or after you knew about Riley’s conflict? OP: Before my husband realized prom was that weekend. He’s the one who cleared with the coach she’d be there. He went to the meeting for it while I was working that day. When my husband learned about the conflict I told him he needed to figure it out since I would not be here. He is the one who agreed to the competition I was working when he was at the meeting where it was discussed and agreed to. He is just as much a parent as I am and that’s why I told him he needed to figure this one out. He agreed to the competition when I wasn’t there knowing I was away that weekend. So when he realized there was a conflict I told him to figure it out and he never did anything until last minute. . He wants me to cancel my trip and I refused. I had considered canceling for a moment then realized this mess wasn’t created by me and he’s also a parent and I shouldn’t always have to fix everything. So I will be going on my trip and he can fix the mess he created. I wasn’t part of the decision. I told him to figure it out. . *About leaving for her trip a day late:* When we scheduled the trip we paid for Thursday-Monday. I can’t arrive late because I put the reservation in my name so I do have to be present and show my ID and credit card. >Prom is Friday yes? When is her hair apt? Can Dad pull her early from school, get all dolled up and take pics, and then take L to cheer? OP: Anyone who doesn’t go to school or leaves early can’t go to prom. They have a half day. Hair appointment is at 2pm. Makeup is after that. Lauren has the day off from school for professional development and they would have to leave for cheer around 11am the latest because of how far the competition is from our house. &nbsp; *Judgment: No A-holes here* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13083rd/aita_for_my_husband_missing_his_daughters_prom/)** Over the next few days: &nbsp; Update: I have decided to stand my ground that I will not be cancelling my trip. I will be getting on the plane in the morning. Josh just sat down me, Riley, and Lauren to talk about the weekend. He explained he’ll be taking Lauren to her competition while Riley’s mother takes pictures with her at prom. He said he taught the girls about commitment and he’s not going to have Lauren’s absence have the team Forfeit. He told her we could do pictures if she wanted to put her dress on a second time but she said it won’t be the same and she’s upset. Riley is upset with her father and thinks he’s favoring Lauren. Update 2: My husband just called me and he decided to leave with Lauren to the cheer competitions after breakfast so that they could have lunch and relax before meeting up with her team. They are officially safe at the hotel for the competition. Thank you for all the support we’ve received and even for the negative comments. &nbsp; May 1, '23 (Last edit date retrieved with unddit) Update 3: Riley had Senior Prom last weekend and looked beautiful. She took pictures with her mom and friends. We did offer to do pictures again with her this weekend but she’s chosen not to. She said it won’t be the same and we’re respecting her feelings about that. Thank you to everyone for that suggestion though. Lauren’s team placed at the cheerleading competition so they will be getting ready for the next competition. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for my husband missing his daughters prom?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13k427j/aita_for_my_husband_missing_his_daughters_prom/

13kbiym

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ItsamiaThrowaway in r/AmItheAsshole** &nbsp; trigger warnings: >!verbal abuse/neglect of a child!< &nbsp; --- &nbsp; [**WIBTA if I took my son and his friends out for his birthday instead of my wife and step-daughters?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13a76uv/wibta_if_i_took_my_son_and_his_friends_out_for/) - May 7, 2023 I (m42) have three kids. A son Isaac (12 almost 13) with my ex who is no longer in the picture and twin step-daughters from my wife’s previous relationship; Emma and Ava (7). Isaac’s 13th birthday is coming up next week, and he said that he wants to go to the movies, and asked if he could bring two friends along. I agreed, and we planned a day out of fun (arcade, pizza, and a movie). These were all activities that I know that my son and his friends (nerdy middleschool boys) would enjoy. When I told my wife about our plans, she suggested that we should have a family outing instead, and proposed a local kiddy playplace that my step-daughters apparently love. I said that Isaac and his friends would be very disappointed, and that he wouldn’t have fun at the kiddy playplace. She tried to convince me that Isaac could still have fun because there was an ‘arcade’ (two claw machines, a pinball table, and a small DDR machine). She also said that, since he sees his friends at school everyday, family time should be prioritized over friends. I told her that it was unfair to force Isaac to spend his birthday at a kiddy playplace instead of with his friends. She accused me of favoritism and of not loving my step-daughters as much Isaac. This hit me pretty hard because I grew up with a step-father who neglected me in favor of his own kids, and I’ve been trying my hardest to be the father figure I never had. I’ve been spiraling down a rabbit hole of doubt about my own choices, and for the sake of my own sanity, WIBTA? &nbsp; [**UPDATE: WIBTA if I took my son and his friends out for his birthday instead of my wife and stepdaughters?**](https://www.reddit.com/user/ItsamiaThrowaway/comments/13e64tv/update_wibta_if_i_took_my_son_and_his_friends_out/) - May 10, 2023 TL;DR: my (soon to be ex) wife is a monster, and I’m a terrible parent First of all, I just want to thank everyone who commented on my last post for opening my eyes. Folks said that there was more to my wife, who I will be calling Erica, than I knew. Y’all said I should to talk to my son about what went on behind my back, and I did. I regret not doing so earlier. Yesterday, my son had the day off school (teacher prep day I think), and I took the day off of work. After Erica left to go to her job and drive the girls to school, I sat my son down, and starting gently, I asked him about what Erica was like when I wasn’t around. (I work pretty late, so this was fairly often) At first he was vague, and hesitated to say anything bad about her. This set me on high alert, as it reminded me vividly of a similar conversation from my own childhood, and I assured him that he could be truthful with me. After some reassurance, he finally started talking about what she was really like. Here is a (not comprehensive) list of things he told me about. * he was not allowed to go to his friend’s house down the street (I allow this normally as we’ve known the family for years) * he was berated and yelled at for spending time alone in his room * he was berated and yelled at for not playing with the twins * he was made to watch the twins while Erica “ran errands” (she was often gone for hours) * he was told that I would be angry with him if he didn’t obey her, or spoke badly of her to me (I again reassured him that I was not angry or upset with him) Needless to say, it was an emotional conversation. I’m feeling very guilty that this all happened under my nose. I’m blown away that the woman I thought was the love of my life could do that to my son. I married a woman who is just like my stepfather, and I don’t know how to come to terms with this. We went out to lunch to wind down and spend some more quality time together. When we got back, I had him pack a suitcase in case we had to leave. I also packed a suitcase, I was so furious with Erica, I never wanted to see her again. More importantly, I never wanted her in the same house as my son. Erica arrived home with the twins, and was shocked to see me waiting for her at the table. I sent the twins to their rooms (my son was already standing by in his own) and gestured for her to sit down. I confronted her about her treatment of my son. At first, she tried to say that he was making things up for attention, that he was jealous of the twins for getting some of my love. I shut her down. She then pivoted to the “he’s older so he needs to sacrifice for his younger sisters” angle, which I also shut down. As a last ditch effort, she again accused me of not loving the twins. I got really angry at her then because , as you all pointed out, she was using my childhood trauma to manipulate me. In the end, she admitted to favoring her daughters, but said that it wasn’t wrong because “every mother has their own kid’s best interests at heart” and “why would I care about a kid who isn’t mine?” My blood ran ice cold. I texted my son to get his suitcase and get to the car, and calmly told her that she could expect to be contacted by a divorce lawyer soon. I’m staying with my son in a hotel right now, and looking at apartments, divorce lawyers, and child therapists in our area. I’m angry, I’m sad, but mostly I’m disappointed in myself for letting it go on for so long. I hope my son can forgive me one day, even though I’m sure I don’t deserve it. I wish the best for your daughters, but screw you Erica. &nbsp; --- &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

WIBTA if I took my son and his friends out for his birthday instead of my wife and step-daughters?

ONGOING

Stepoo

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13kbiym/wibta_if_i_took_my_son_and_his_friends_out_for/

13l9z8k

**I am not OOP. OOP is** u/Crenetic**, but his account has been suspended. He originally posted in** r/relationship_advice**.** Trigger warnings: Mentions of emotional and financial abuse, allegations of racism. Mood: >!Infuriating as a reader. Heartbreaking for OOP's son.!< [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/anh0p9/my_son_managed_to_read_our_will_and_its/): February 5, 2019 I'm going to preface this by saying I love all three of my sons equally. They are 29, 24 and 22. It is my unequivocal truth. It's just that that my ex wife's involvement with my oldest son has really introduced a lot of toxicity and complications in our life. After years of emotional and financial abuse, my wife and I have made a very conscious decision to completely cut my ex-wife out of our lives once my son turned 18. We let him have his relationship with his mother without any interference from us or any negative words. I disagree with a lot of how their relationship is but I have kept my mouth shut to keep the peace. After losing literally everything after my divorce, I have built a new business with my wife and it's doing very well. All three of our sons work in the business. A week ago, all the kids were over for lunch. I was stupid and left our recently drafted will on my office desk. My oldest son managed to see it. Our company and our home was willed to my two younger sons. My oldest was given a trust that pays out some money every five years. I feel like I have to explain myself over why the will was laid out as it was. My ex-wife still has a lot of influence over my son and at the suggestion of our lawyer, we created the will this way so she couldn't interfere in the company and home. If she were to pass away before us, the will would be immediately rewritten to divide the company/home equally. The plan was to explain this to our son gently and not for him to see it without any context. My son was understandably upset but his behavior that day exceeded all levels of decency. He stormed downstairs, threw things around and used disgusting language against my wife and I. Our sons nearly got into a fist fight. I am devastated. I have already apologized and forwarded him emails to my lawyer telling him I want the will to be changed to split everything equally. But the damage is done. He's now spreading horrible lies about us and his brothers to everyone in my family, even to the point of accusing us of being racists (he is half indian, half white). His brothers and my wife and I are so hurt hearing this. It couldn't be any further than the truth. It's the same thing my ex wife liked to accuse us of over the years. He has refused to come in to work since the past week and I've been scrambling to do a lot of his work. I don't know how to fix this. He won't take my calls. My ex wife has used this situation to make absolutely insane posts on Facebook that I am considering legal action over. But I know that will just add gasoline to the fire with regards to my son. I'm not sure how to salvage this. And I am really afraid that some of the things he has said won't easily be forgotten. My younger sons have already been questioned on social media by their cousins about the racism accusations. It's a very uncomfortable thing to approach. My wife is also not over the names she was called by him, even though she says she is. TL;DR My oldest son saw our will and is understandably upset. But now he is accusing us of racism and refusing to hear my side even after I have tried to fix it. ***Editor's Note: This is a pretty hilarious comment that pretty much sums up OOP's situation:*** >Wow. I see you got Reddit silver and 2 golds. No need to guess how you’re going to split it. [Update post recovered through rareddit](https://rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/anx46h/update_to_my_son_reading_the_will_and_my_family/): February 6, 2019: I have read everyone's advice and there were many opinions that were very different. But at the end of the day I do admit this was all my fault and it's on me to make it right. I'm just not sure how. My son showed up to work today to tell me he was leaving for another job. With a heavy heart I accepted. We agreed on a "severance" package that was just a lump sum payment because he felt I had cheated him by making him invest his time in a company that he was never going to be a part of. I broke down in tears and begged him to reconsider. I tried to explain and promised to be more transparent with the will process but it seems to be too little, too late. He had some very harsh words for me and made cruel accusations that I treated him poorly over the years and brought up situations I literally had no control over. There were threats of fraud and discrimination and reporting me to the labour board and I just gave in and went to the bank and had a bank draft made. I felt absolutely defeated because I knew he wasn't going to hear me. I asked if we could go for counselling and he said only if I can give him back the years he wasted in the company. Through it all I did see I hurt him greatly and I don't think I can ever make it like it was before. Maybe after he's had some space from me I can try contacting him again. My wife and I and his brothers have been uninvited from his wedding in June. I'm completely heartbroken. **Flaring this as** ***concluded*** **because OOP's account has since been suspended and because his son has chosen to distance himself from his dad and his family.**

OOP's son manages to read his will... and things go downhill from there.

INCONCLUSIVE

Playful_Size2763

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13l9z8k/oops_son_manages_to_read_his_will_and_things_go/

13lgxp7

I am not OP, this is a repost. Original [BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zijoie/ops_sil_gave_private_information_to_her_ex_with/) by u/Writer-Sharp TW : >!Mental health/schizophrenia, Psychosis, delusions, Death, Suicide.!< OP is u/uncertainomm [original](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/wb10ij/sil_told_my_ex_with_schizophrenia_the_time_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) posted to r/relationship_advice Posted on July 29th 2022 **SIL told my Ex with schizophrenia the time and location of my Baby Shower** (Using a throw away account as I don't want this to easily get back to my ex boyfriend. All names were also changed. TLDR below.) Trigger warning for Schizophrenia, mental health issues This story needs a lot of background to fully grasp how severe everything is, so buckle in. My ex boyfriend Jake (27M) and I (27F) broke up a few years ago. We had been together for over five years and were thinking about marriage and buying a house together. In the last year of our relationship everything fell apart. Long story short he had a sudden psychotic episode and was placed in a mental health ward (mental health facility attached to hospital, this is in Australia FYI) for his safety. Following this his entire personality changed and he developed delusions, hallucinations and paranoia which never went away. A large part of his paranoia revolved around me controlling people around him and thinking I was trying to make him look "crazy." He also constantly accused me of cheating on him and told me many times that he hated me. He was let out of the hospital after some time and I took responsibility for him. This change in him was heartbreaking, he was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. I did everything I could to be there for him, I went to all of his mental health appointments and stayed up at night to make sure he didn't leave the house alone (he was prone to wandering out at night when experiencing psychosis). Things became too much for me to handle, he became angry and his paranoia about me made it impossible to help him. He didn't trust me to be close to him but at the same time he didn't want me to leave his sight as he was convinced I was cheating. When he seemed to be doing a little better mentally I broke up with him, I waited until I felt he would be okay on his own and helped organise for him to move back in with his parents. I was filled with guilt for that decision, but it was the right choice for me. I was struggling. For months I received no love and was used as an emotional punching bag. I did my best, he wasn't the same person anymore and his resentment for me was intense. Obviously this isn't the full break down of his mental health issues as a lot of the things he went through are very personal. I never blamed him for what happened, but I needed to be happy and did what I needed to. It was a messy break up but it went better than expected. We kept talking for a little while as friends, I think the entire time we kept contact he assumed we would get back together at some point. I continued helping him when I could. When I started a new relationship with my current partner Sam (30M) Jake had a really bad psychotic episode and threatened both of us. He accused me of cheating on him with Sam before we broke up (which makes no sense as I met Sam after we had broken up) and sent both of us intense messages. I managed to contact Jake's family who got him the help he needed. Following this I cut all contact with Jake, it was obvious that we couldn't maintain a friendship anymore. The only slight connection I have to Jake is my brother's girlfriend Jess (29F). Her and Jake have been friends for years and have maintained their friendship. She knows the entire background to our relationship and never chose sides. I would say I am close with her, we have always been friendly. It always made me happy to know that Jake still had a good friend to confide in. Shift forward to March 2022. I got pregnant with Sam's baby in January and was three months pregnant. I had just told my family and close friends about the pregnancy. I told everyone to keep it quiet as I didn't feel ready to publicly announce it. I was incredibly emotional, nauseous and in no state to deal with any potential fallout at that point. Less than 24 hours passed after telling my side of the family and I received a phone call from Jake. He had found out I was pregnant and left a voice mail saying he would be filing for custody of the baby?? Obviously he was in a psychotic episode so I ignored his calls and let his family know that he had reached out to me. By this point it had been over a year since we had even spoken. He has no idea where I live or work so I'm not worried about him showing up physically to confront me. I knew the only way he could have found out would have been through Jess. I called and confronted her about it and she admitted to it. She was extremely apologetic and said she didn't think it would matter, she thought he would be fine with the news and said he deserved to know. I was upset by this, but I hadn't explicitly told her not to tell Jake so it could have just been a mistake (even though I told her to tell no one I bit my tongue to keep the peace). I forgave her but made it very clear that she shouldn't tell Jake any more information about me or the baby and she agreed it wouldn't ever happen again. I didn't hear anything from Jake for months. Last weekend was my baby shower. Sam and I had the baby shower together, it was more of a party than a traditional baby shower. We hired a function room at a bar and invited 80 people to come celebrate. We were all having a great time until I saw Jake standing at the bar, looking around. I managed to slip away without him seeing me and grabbed security to get him escorted out (the area had been roped off for us as a private function so I simply told them he hadn't been invited). I watched as security approached him and asked him to leave, he was furious and started yelling. Demanding to talk to me before he would leave. Sam and several friends went over to him to try and talk him down but it only escalated. He screamed at Sam, claimed that he was the baby's real dad and that we had never really broken up. At this point I left to hide in the ladies room until my mum came to let me know Jake was gone. He had eventually left after a little more screaming. I was mortified and we cut the baby shower short, I couldn't stop crying. It's now been a few days and I confronted Jess. She is the only person who would have possibly told him the location and time of the baby shower. I wasn't as kind on the phone with her this time. She admitted to telling him and apologised. But said "how could I keep this a secret from him?." I was furious and told her that she would no longer receive any news about me or the baby and that I would cut her out of my life. I'm not proud of it but I screamed at her, I couldn't believe how irresponsible she had been. It wasn't her news to share. My brother called me after and asked me to forgive her. He knew she was wrong but he didn't think he should also be punished for what she had done, he knew that by cutting her out I also wouldn't be telling him any news about the baby. In part he thought I should blame Jake for his reaction and not Jess, that she hadn't known he would show up, the damage was already done and I should let it go. I honestly don't blame Jake for what happened, he is mentally ill and needs help. It's not his fault and I know he will regret all of this when he comes back to a more clear head space. I told his family what had happened and they told me he was readmitted to the mental health ward, he had threatened to harm himself if he wasn't allowed to see my baby. Regardless of whether I think he is at fault, I definitely don't feel safe with Jake now. I have a child to think about and him thinking it is somehow his is pretty scary. I haven't budged with Jess or my brother. My family all think I should forgive her so my brother can meet his niece/nephew (we don't know the sex). But I just can't trust her. She already broke my trust once and I'm furious. I could have been hurt if Jake had confronted me at the shower. So many things could have gone wrong. I don't know what to do. I'm heart broken that my brother may not get to meet this baby for a while. But I'm scared that she could tell Jake information about the baby that could put us in danger. My parents and other family members have all agreed not to tell Jess or my brother any information about the baby upon threat of also being cut out. I just don't know how long I can feasibly cut them out before I crack. Sam is obviously on my side with all of this, if it wasn't for him I would be in a much worse state. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm finding it hard to stick to my guns on this and worry that news will leak to Jess from other family members. My parents were particularly hesitant to promise not to tell my brother when the baby is born. TLDR: My sister in law told my ex with schizophrenia the location and time of my baby shower. Even though she has already had one warning and has been told not to tell him anything. My ex somehow thinks the baby is his. I decided to cut SIL out after this event but need advice. How can I keep her cut out when it means pushing my own brother away?? &#x200B; [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zbtfsf/update_sil_told_my_ex_with_schizophrenia_the_time/) Posted 4th of December 2022 to r/relationship_advice **\[UPDATE\] SIL told my Ex with schizophrenia the time and location of my Baby Shower** After I (27F) made that post I was overwhelmed by the response from everyone. Thank you for all of the amazing advice I received, it definitely put everything into perspective for me and made me take things more seriously. Decided I should post an update as I received a lot of messages asking what had happened. I received a lot of comments doubting the motives of Jess (29F) and unfortunately you guys were right... So, I had my baby earlier than anticipated. I'm happy to announce that Sam (30M) and I now have a beautiful son. He is currently 10 weeks old and was born at 38 weeks, we are absolutely smitten with him and couldn't be happier! Not long after I made my original post Sam and I moved into a new house. We had been living in a one bedroom apartment and decided we needed more space for our growing family. Part of our decision on our house was that it was further away from my brother and Jess. Our apartment had only been a five minute drive from them and I felt uncomfortable knowing that Jake (27M) could potentially be visiting and we could run into him while walking the dog (I also didn't trust that Jess hadn't told him where we lived). Our new house is now a 45 minute drive away from them and I feel much safer, we didn't tell them the location of our new home. We had been living in our new house for about a month with no issues. I heard from Jake's family that he was on an extended mental health hold at the hospital as his psychotic episode was not subsidising and he refused to take his medication. I also warned them about his relationship with Jess and they seemed to take it seriously, they would keep an eye on them and told the hospital that she was not to be allowed visitation with him. My family stopped pestering me to forgive Jess. My mum had a heart to heart with me and finally understood why I had to cut my brother out. I didn't hear anything from my brother, apparently my mum had stepped up and had a conversation with him about the severity of what Jess had done. It broke my heart to push my brother away as we had been so close. But after reading all of your comments I knew that I had to be responsible and keep my baby safe. Unfortunately things didn't stay so calm. After a few months I received a call from Jake, he had finally been released from the hospital and was embarrassed about his behaviour at the baby shower. He told me he knew that the baby wasn't his. He cried and asked to speak with Sam, he wanted to personally apologise to him. Sam didn't want to talk to him. I told him I forgave him, I knew it wasn't his fault and that we should move on. I was also very firm with him and told him that under no circumstances would I let him be around me or my baby. If he tried to contact us I wouldn't hesitate to call the police. He accepted that and our conversation ended. About two weeks later Jake showed up at Sam's workplace, demanding to speak with him. They had a short conversation where Jake broke down in tears and begged to be forgiven. From what Sam told me he didn't seem to be stable, in his apology he said "I'm so sorry for confronting you in public like that, I should have spoken to you privately. Clearly you didn't know the baby isn't yours and you were humiliated in front of your friends." (Paraphrasing here). Sam didn't want to provoke him so said he accepted his apology and asked him to leave. Sam then called me to let me know what had happened. I was shattered. Obviously Jess had told him where Sam worked. I called Jake's family to let them know what had happened. They told me the next day he hadn't come home and were extremely worried. He wasn't meant to be driving as his licence had been suspended (he had been caught speeding several times) but he had taken his mum's car without her permission. A few days later he was found by police in a building that was under construction, completely out of it and confused. He had driven 20 hours away from our town. He was taken to the local hospital and placed in their mental health ward, his family flew up to retrieve him. To this day I still haven't heard any updates on Jake, I assume he is still in a mental health facility. His family always updates me when he is released. After all of that my brother called me and asked if he could meet up with me for lunch one day. He sounded upset on the phone so I agreed, we met at a McDonald's. Then he told me all the crazy stuff that had happened with Jess. Apparently when Jake got out of the hospital (following the baby shower incident) he had shown up at their house to see Jess. My brother was really worried because he could tell that Jake was in a manic episode. He kept an eye on Jake while he visited and noticed that he was being extremely touchy feely with Jess who started to seem flirty with him as well, it made him really uncomfortable so he made an excuse about him and Jess needing to go to a friend's house. When Jake left him and Jess had a massive fight. He confronted Jess about the flirty behaviour and she was extremely defensive. She flat out denied that she had been flirting or that Jake had been touching her at all. My brother decided to drop it. Not long after (we later realised this happened on the same day that he had gone to Sam's workplace) Jake showed up at their house again but this time Jess was at work (my brother works from home). Jake told him that he was in love with Jess, confessed that they had been sleeping together and showed him a bunch of text messages between the two of them to prove that he wasn't making this up. My brother asked him to leave. When Jess got home he confronted her, at first she tried to deny it but eventually confessed. She begged my brother to forgive her, she had realised after his outburst at the baby shower that she didn't love him. My brother was furious and told her to stay with her parents for a while. Ever since then he hasn't heard from her, it's been months now and it looks like things are over between the two of them. My brother feels terrible about what Jess did to me, although I want to let him back into my life fully I still don't trust that he won't eventually get back together with Jess. The two of them haven't officially broken up and until that day comes I won't be sharing my address or photos of our son with him. So far my brother has met our son once at my parents house. I still don't know why Jess decided to tell Jake about my pregnancy. But I'm so glad she isn't in our lives anymore. I haven't heard anything from her or Jake since, I'm constantly worried he could show up again. I've developed some strange OCD behaviours after it all, needing to check that all our doors are locked five times and touching all of the windows in our house before I can go to sleep. Other than that things have been peaceful so far and Sam and I have been able to enjoy our new life as parents. &#x200B; [New Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/uncertainomm/comments/13d934h/ex_with_schizophrenia_update/) Posted 9th of May 2023 to u/uncertainomm **\[NEW UPDATE\] Ex with Schizophrenia Update** I saw so many lovely comments on the original post made by another Redditor on my situation on BORU. Figured I may as well give an update as I received a lot of messages. So this is for anyone that may pass through and see this. Unfortunately I don't have great news to share in this update. One good thing, my brother did officially break up with Jess. Our relationship is still strained after what happened, but we are able to talk and be civil now. Also my life with Sam and our new baby has been amazing. Being a new parent is definitely hard, but I've been loving every second of it. I haven't gone back to work after my maternity leave, thankfully Sam makes enough that I can be a stay at home mum until I decide I want to go back. So onto the news with Jake. I didn't hear anything from him or his family for a while, I heard not long after making my last post that he was on a longer term mental health hold and then had radio silence. I took that to be a good thing, not hearing from him usually meant he was doing better. About a month ago I received a strange text from Jake at 2am. I didn't see it until the morning. The message made no sense, he was talking about seeing someone who came back from the future, that he was being followed and needed to hide. He mentioned the movie director Christopher Nolan and how he had seen hidden messages in his movies and he was going to win a million dollars with numbers that were hidden in his movies. Honestly, I've received similar messages from him before so I wasn't too put off by it. I took a screen shot of the message and sent it to his sister so she knew he had contacted me. Then I kind of forgot about it. His sister didn't get back to me though, which I did find a bit strange. She normally messaged me back pretty quickly. Two days later his sister called me. She was crying on the phone and asked me if I had received any other contact from Jake that night. I told her no. She explained to me that Jake had passed away from suicide that night. Only hours after he had sent me that message. He had apparently sent the same message to about twenty people in his contact list. I don't know all of the details but apparently that night he had managed to steal his Mum's car again. She had been hiding her keys from him but after ransacking the house he had found them. He went on a drive around the city, no one really knows the details of what he was thinking. But he rammed into another car and pushed them off the road. They slammed into a tree, thankfully they weren't majorly injured, I later found out it was a young 17 year old couple in the car. It was a hit and run, he apparently sped up behind them on a quiet road hit them from the back and sped off. It was all caught on a dash camera. With the timeline we have it seems he sent his message to everyone only 15 minutes after the accident. About 3 hours later he had passed away. I won't be sharing the details of that. His funeral happened and I decided not to go. With my complicated relationship with Jake it just didn't feel right to me. One weird thing, Jess went to the funeral. I only know because she took a selfie crying at the funeral and posted it on Instagram with a caption preaching that we need to do more about mental health and supporting people. I was disgusted. It was incredibly hard to hear what had happened, I'm still processing it all. I feel guilty to admit this, but I also feel a sense of relief that my family doesn't need to be worried anymore. I do miss him though, I think I already grieved him when he changed in our relationship. It's hard to know he is physically gone, I can't even imagine what his family must be feeling. It's difficult for everyone involved. I'm so sad that it came to this, obviously we all hoped he would make a recovery, that one day his psychosis and mania would just disappear completely. He was a good person, just a person that was impacted by mental health problems. I wish there had been a better outcome to all of this.

OP's SIL gave private information to her ex with schizophrenia [New Update]

CONCLUDED

TridentMage413

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13lgxp7/ops_sil_gave_private_information_to_her_ex_with/

13lloxi

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ToldHim_TheTruth in r/AmItheAsshole and r/relationship_advice \*\* Trigger warning: >!Infidelity!< mood spoiler: >!hopeful!< \---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [AITA for telling my dad the real reason why I don't want to go on vacation with him/his family and potentially "ruining his marriage"?](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uxz7ag/aita_for_telling_my_dad_the_real_reason_why_i/) \- 26 March 2022 I am a 17-year-old male, when I was around nine my dad (39M) started seeing a friend of my mom’s (Cheated on my mom) they married, and they now have three kids together. My dad asked for custody and he was granted to have me on weekends, he seemed happy to have me and always tried to include me in everything but it was kind of weird and frustrating, he even tried to make me call his wife "mom" and went for full custody several times, since being with his wife and making me accept his new family was more important than spending actual time with me alone I stopped going to his house when I was 14 he tried to fight for full custody after my mom started dating my stepdad (a nice guy) but I told him to stop. The other reason why I stopped going (I never told my dad this one) is because his wife was so hostile towards me, my dad used to pay attention to me when I was there so I think she didn’t like it that way and one day told me behind my dad’s back that I was an obstacle to my dad’s happiness that I should just stay with my mom full time. Their anniversary was 5 days ago, I didn’t want to go but he called my mom to threaten that if I didn’t go, He’d go to court. He took his four kids (including me), his wife, his parents, and his parents-in-law to celebrate at a nice restaurant. Once there he said that he had 6 tickets for vacations, I didn’t say anything but then he looked at me and said one is for you, I said “Thanks, but I’m not going” He seemed angry and said "ok I had enough, why don’t you want to go”, “just because,” I said but then he asked the same questions five more times so the sixth time I said: “Because I hate your wife” then he started asking “why” over and over again so I ended up telling him the mean things she said to me. He was seemingly uncomfortable but told us to finish our meal, no one talked for the rest of the night and after we finished I asked my stepdad to pick me up. I haven’t spoken to my dad since, he just sent me a message asking if I changed my mind about the trip but I said no. My cousin told me that my dad is staying at my grandparents’ now. His wife texted me yesterday calling me a brat and asking if I was happy for potentially destroying my half-sibling's home life. But I just ignored her. My cousin says that the kids are hurt and crying because my dad isn’t at home and she says that I should just have said other things or agree and then tell him later that I wasn’t going. Here is an UPDATE guys: [https://www.reddit.com/user/ToldHim\_TheTruth/comments/vu338u/are\_my\_dad\_and\_i\_in\_a\_better\_place/](https://www.reddit.com/user/ToldHim_TheTruth/comments/vu338u/are_my_dad_and_i_in_a_better_place/) &#x200B; **Verdict:** Not the A-hole &#x200B; [Are my dad and I in better place?](https://www.reddit.com/user/ToldHim_TheTruth/comments/vu338u/are_my_dad_and_i_in_a_better_place/) \- 08 July 2022 Well since a lot of you guys have been messaging me, asking about my situation and I’m finally done with my finals which means that I have time, here is an UPDATE. ' I didn’t show my father the mean messages she sent me (as many of you suggested) because I don’t want this woman going around saying that I destroyed her life and all of her sh\*t, so I didn’t really do it and I won’t, that’s on her. My dad has been so apologetic and after a few days I posted here for the first time, he picked me up to hang out (Just the two of us) he apologised and even cried for not realising before what the issue was, he said it was never his intention to make feel that way. He promised he’d never let her get between us again, he begged me not to “hate him” (I don’t know where he got that from, I love him) because he doesn’t want me to cut him off since he wants to be there for my wedding and also as a grandpa to my kids, and then he got a little emotional saying how much he loves, etc… he basically promised to be a better father. He asked me if I changed my mind about the trip and I said yes, I’ll go, it’ll be just me, my dad and his kids. It’ll be In August and I know she is furious for being excluded but hasn’t texted me or anything. So that’s it, my dad and I talk more often, and we also hang out more, I’ve been to his house a couple of times (just for a few hours but his wife and I just ignore each other) So that’s it I guess, I’m going on the trip with my dad and half-siblings. Someone asked me about the relationship I have with the boys, well we get along, thus we can’t really do a lot of things together since we have different interests (They are 8, 7, 5 all-male) but I love them and I know they love their big brother (they say it lol). &#x200B; [My girlfriend will come with us instead of Clara (Dad's wife)](https://www.reddit.com/user/ToldHim_TheTruth/comments/whesq5/my_girlfriend_will_come_with_us_instead_of_clara/) \- 06 August 2022 Since some of you texted me to know how things are going on, here is a little update. My dad thought it was a great idea to ask my girlfriend to come with us instead of his wife, I was hesitant at first but then my girlfriend said that she wanted to come with us, so it's gonna be my dad, his three kids, me and my gf. It's great, I can finally can have time alone with my dad without her around. &#x200B; ***OOP posted on*** r/relationship_advice [GF showed my dad some messages I didn't want him to see.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/z7mq0e/gf_showed_my_dad_some_messages_i_didnt_want_him/) \- 29 November 2022 She lost my trust, I've shown her and only her some messages my dad's wife sent me a couple of months ago, where she was insulting me for "ruining her marriage", I didn't want my dad to see the messages because I didn't want to cause any more drama. While we were on a trip a couple of weeks ago, my gf unlocked my phone and showed my dad the messages even if I told her I didn't want to. My dad got mad at me for not showing him the messages before but didn't say anything else for the rest of the trip. I got really mad at my gf and had barely spoken to her since. The thing is that my dad and his wife are not in a good place now, Clara has already moved to her parents' and my siblings stayed with my dad, according to my dad, this is a break "to re-think the whole relationship", but I feel like garbage, my dad seemed so happy before I told him why I hated his wife and now this has just gotten worse, it seems like I destroyed my dad's happiness and which is worse, my siblings'. My dad says this isn't my fault and that I'm the one who has to forgive him but that doesn't prevent me from feeling like if I destroyed their happy family life. I don't think I can trust my gf after this. &#x200B; *Inconclusive because OOP hasn't posted in months* **Reminder, I am not OP.**

OOP ruins his dad and stepmom's marriage by telling her the truth

INCONCLUSIVE

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13lloxi/oop_ruins_his_dad_and_stepmoms_marriage_by/

13lzk7k

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/KuKsKeKa **in** r/legaladvice trigger warnings: >!mention of child abuse - physical & sexual!<   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8b9prp/a_mother_trying_to_control_her_sons_alone_time/) \- 10th April 2018 I'm 15. My family is deeply religious. I respect that but sometimes, yknow, I'm 15, and I have to, you know, rub one out. I try not to but like... I can't concentrate on anything else if I don't. And like if I see a pretty girl it'll get worse. It basically feels like sleeping to me, if I don't do it I can't function. Idk if I'm normal or not. I'm definitely ashamed of it. But I'm not lying I promise. My mom doesn't believe me. My dad is out of the picture so I can't talk to him and ask him if this is a guy thing. Anyway my mom has tried a lot of things to get me to stop. She took my door off, for example. She grounded me and stuff. I try to hide it so she gives up but now she's decided to get some kind of device and put it on me so that I can't touch myself. She seemed serious and it wouldn't be out of character for her. She also does other weird things like on Fridays we can't eat at all because of Jesus. I try to respect that but often times I go out on a bike ride and get food somewhere. I get hungry. What I want to know is can I refuse to wear her device? I pretty much know I will lose my phone (she'll probably sell it so I can't get it back) and stuff if I refuse but I personally think that going a while without my phone is kinda fine. I want my grades go stay OK so that I can get into college and have some control over myself and I can't do that if I'm constantly hot and bothered by every girl I see cuz, well you know. So yeah this is kinda embarrassing. I hope I don't need to share my personal information with anyone here. I live in ohio and go to a private school. **Additional Info in Comments** >We're not allowed to go to the doctor for religious reasons. My younger brother who is 13 broke his arm last year and had to go and he got in trouble for it. &#x200B; >\[My school\] is a real catholic school. Not run by people from my moms religion. I have 7 siblings, 2 brothers and 5 sisters. I don't know who our dad is. There are multiple people in our church involved but I'd rather not be too specific. &#x200B; >Ok I wasn't gonna lie. I have marks and stuff to prove some of the stuff so they shouldn't think I'm lying hopefully. > >Yeah for example there's a religious idk what you call it, burn or something. My one brother has it too my other doesn't yet. She used to do other stuff but she stopped mostly.   [**UPDATE - 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8brtfc/i_told_my_math_teacher_about_my_mother_and_she/) \- 12th April 2018 I got my 13 year old brother after school yesterday and we went to see my math teacher. I didn't tell him all the details, but I told him my mother wanted too put a device on me to keep me from having sex, and my brother and I showed him the healed burn things like you guys suggested. At first he wanted to call our mom but that actually made my brother cry in fear so he didn't because I told him I'd run away and call the police if he did. He called a bunch of people, and about an hour later the police and a bunch of other people showed up. Apparently they'd already been suspicious about our neighborhood. They talked to us away from eachother and I had to tell several people what happened, there was one lady who I told everything real specific. She was very nice and didn't make me feel ashamed at all. We went back home with them and I showed the police where my mother kept drugs that I'm pretty sure we're illegal. She wasn't there but all my other 6 siblings who are home schooled were. Then they went down the street to where my mom and our preacher were and I don't know what happened but they arrested her i think for drugs and other stuff and someone else whose house they were at because they were doing drugs I think (that's what they usually do) but not the preacher. I think they're gonna look into it though. There were a bunch of people and police who talked to all of us more and eventually they took us to a place where they said we'd stay for now. Like a shelter or something. I should of done this year's ago, I feel really bad because I could have had my siblings taken better care of. I don't really know what's happening or gonna happen but the place I'm in now is way cleaner than I'm used to and we have clothes and stuff and food and we don't have to watch toddlers anymore. They weren't happy when they figured out stuff like the burns and that my 11 and 10 year old sisters can't read at all. They also weren't very happy with our house I could tell. I hope we don't have to go back. And I hope it's ok to post this. Even tho I don't need advice anymore. Thank you to everyone who helped me.   &#x200B; [**UPDATE - 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/8isshn/a_small_update_to_what_happened_to_me_and_my/) \- 12th May 2018 Ive gotten a jillion messages from people offering everything from adoption to food to asking for updates so I thought I would tell you guys what ended up happening.the messages are still coming even now lol. I asked the people I am with if it was ok and they said yes but they made me let them read it first. It was kinda embarrassing but its ok. I kind of owe you all haha... My mother was charged with several things and is in jail but I dont think they actually put her in for the crimes yet. Like she's waiting on the police to get evidence I think. As many of you guys thought the only people in my family allowed school was my brother and me. My second brother was 2 so I dont know if she would have let them put him in school. My sisters had to stay home. This wasnt weird to me because it was an all boys school. They said I will never go back to my mom again and my siblings won't either. They also said what we were in was a cult. We were all in one big apartment building kind of thing. They said they weren't sure the cult itself was illegal. Just that some of the other stuff happening was. Drugs and that some of the stuff was probably sexual assault but I can't talk about it very much. Multiple people are in jail for it. Lots of people left and I think theyre looking closely at the pastor. So its ok. Thank you all. I dont know if all 8 of us will stay together but we are safe now. Its weird but in a good way. I dont think I'll have any more updated for a long time but I'll try if anything happens that seems like a good idea. I've been on reddit more but on a different account so thats why I haven't posted much. Thank you all again.   [**UPDATE - 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/a1ciob/update_the_police_figured_out_who_my_father_is/) \- 29th November 2018 After countless messages of requests for an update on the preacher thing, I have a (small) update that I think a lot of people here predicted. Our neighborhood and apartment building a lot of people from our religious lived was sort of taken over by the police in the past few months. Many people were arrested for drugs and dealing stuff that I dont know about all really. A lot of it was mostly kept out of the news because it is messy. All 7 of my siblings and I are not all together any more, I cried a lot I think, but it is probably better because some of us needed alot of help. My preacher was the father of many children in our religion, including my brother and me and one of my sisters. He is in jail like my mother, and I don't think that I will ever have to see him. I don't think I want to. I am kind of sad because I was hoping secretly that I had a father out there but he is like my mother so I don't. If you guys want to ask me questions I will try to answer in the other thread in best of legal advice where I know this will be posted to. I can't answer everything especially because I do not want anyone to find me in the real world but I will answer questions. I suppose I kind of always knew this but I didn't want it to be the truth.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP asks reddit if he can legally stop his mom from making him wear a chastity belt.

REPOST

raredontstare

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13lzk7k/oop_asks_reddit_if_he_can_legally_stop_his_mom/

13m0krn

I am not the OOP, do not harass them or brigade their post CW: >!Holocaust, Verbal Abuse, Alcoholism!< [Post 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12zqfw2/aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_dont_care_that_her/): April 26th, 2023 My grandfather David was born in 1927, he was Roma and by the time he was 17 he already had one son, Levi. His wife was pregnant when she got captured but my grandfather managed to escape with Levi. By 1950, my grandfather and Levi immigrated to Canada where he completely Canadianized them down to changing names and everything to blend in. My grandfather and my uncle have had issues my entire life and it's stretched all the way back to when they first moved. By the time my uncle was sixteen, he actually left and moved all the way to Toronto. In 1976, my grandfather married my grandmother Mary, who was born in 1946. They met because her dad was a Holocaust survivor and a friend of my grandfather. My mom Anna was born ten years later and I was born when my mom was 20. Throughout my entire life, my grandfather has been the worst possible person. He's never hit anybody, but he's yelled so much, always swore, broke dishes, even punched a hole in a wall once when he was arguing with my dad. He'd call me bastard cause my mom and dad weren't married when they had me and always insulted my dad. The worst of it though is that he always drank and whenever he would drink he would rant to my mom about how Levi was so much better than her and how he wished he'd had the baby that died with his first wife instead. But my mom loved him and just said none of us understood him. He died two months earlier and it was a slow decline but I guess he knew he was going because a few days before he went, he had their last talk when my mom and I visited in the hospital. He told my mom how much he loved her, how she was the only good thing in his life and how her being happy made his life worth it. The last thing he said to me was he'd see me in the next life. After he died, my uncle came into our lives and even though he looks so much like my grandfather he's so different. He's happy, doesn't drink and it's honestly like he feels like what a grandfather should be. Because he got married late, I finally have cousins my age. The only thing he doesn't do is talk about my grandfather to anyone except mom. Last night, we were all over and my mom brought up my grandfather. She started sharing her favourite memories of him because she misses him. She asked me and I honestly don't have any and that started an argument between us because she said he only acted how he did because of what he went through. I yelled at her that I don't have any good memories and I don't care that he was in the Holocaust because he was always a jerk to us. That made my mom cry and leave and my uncle told me that he's felt how I do his entire life but I can't let it hurt my mom. Was I the asshole? Comments: A comment which really seemed to affect the OOP [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/12zqfw2/comment/jhvgq6r/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): *Oh boy. A gentle YTA.* *I completely understand your anger with your grandfather. However, he deserves a bit of understanding/forgiveness. There were no options for mental health care for him to deal with his trauma - from not only the war but from losing his wife and child in such a god-awful way. Even if it were available, it's unlikely the Roma would would have been offered help due to any of the ugly reasons you can think of. Yes, he should have not taken out his trauma on those closest to him, but even talking about your trauma was not supported back then. And further, he gave up his identity and heritage to be safe in a foreign country. Can you even imagine how alone, angry, helpless and hopeless he was? Drinking seems to have been his coping mechanism. Again, the trauma he inflicted on his family is not excusable; however, damaged people hurt people.* *Your poor mom just wanted the love he denied her until the end. You bore witness to his cruelty toward her. Your anger is multiplied due to your love and protectiveness of her. But she is still the child in their relationship and she is desperate to find any examples in her life to prove her dad loved her. His last minute confession of love for her is a pretty empty statement without any memories to back it up.* *Let your mom talk without condemning him. You don't have to agree or feel pressured to share any memories, but please respect that she is trying to come to terms with the difference with who her father was and who, in hindsight, he may have wanted to be. I would imagine she also struggling to find her own heritage and history in all of this.* *You are not an ass\*\*\*\* for being angry - it's warranted. I recommend researching and reading about the experiences of the children/grandchildren of Holocaust survivors. Even more importantly, read about the experiences of Roma survivors. I think it may be eye opening for you with similarities to the relationship with your own grandfather.* *A side note: I found the graphic novel Maus to be a valuable tool with understanding the adult/child relationships involving the Holocaust.* [Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13e4y9u/update_aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_dont_care_that/): May 10th, 2023 Pretty much, what happened after is my dad came home the day after and he got really upset with me because my mom was inconsolable. He told me about how we can't judge my grandfather like we could somebody else who acted like him who hadn't gone through what he'd been through. He told me how my grandfather had never said a nice thing about him but he still loved him because he wouldn't have had my mom without him needing to survive. He told me that I need to see the good that comes from everything. I didn't really know what to say but Uncle Levi was still over so he talked to me and mom. He told me how relatives who survived the war or were living in different countries always talked about my grandfather like a different person than he knew. Like he loved motorcycles, wanted to be a mechanic and wanted to see the pyramids and was always doing things to make his first wife happy. But Levi told me that he really only remembers my grandfather from when they moved to a city called Stanislav. He told me that he can barely speak the Sinte language because he remembers how much my grandfather pushed for them to assimilate and learn Ukrainian even though he was little but they faced a lot of discrimination there too. According to him, that's what really broke my grandfather because it was like they still hate us even after what they did to us. So when they moved to Canada was when he really changed and Levi said he always regrets leaving because it gave him issues that made him put his own life on hold, to the point where he only had kids because somehow he married a woman in her forties who was able to (it seemed like he was joking about that). He said that my grandfather acted that way because he thought it was better to push people away so that when he was gone, people wouldn't miss him like the way he missed his own parents and first wife. My mom then tried to remind me of things that my grandfather did for me, like he'd always go and buy me X-Men comics and movies because Magneto was the only real superhero and how he'd always drive me to school, how he'd use his pension to buy me things. And I had honestly forgotten or just stopped thinking about a lot of that. She insisted that he did love me even if he didn't show it. I don't really know what to feel but I didn't want to make my mom sad and maybe Uncle Levi is right about why he was so mean and maybe my dad is right about there being good in everything. So I said sorry and I told my mom that I won't act like that again. She hugged me and gave me a lot of kisses on the forehead so I think we're cool now because she's been happier these last two weeks. And I'm posting because I told my mom I posted here and she told me that I needed to make a second one so people understood what happened. She knows about aita because she listens to Reddit posts on TikTok.

OOP asks AITA for telling my mom I don't care that her father was in the Holocaust?

CONCLUDED

BlujjonBudgie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13m0krn/oop_asks_aita_for_telling_my_mom_i_dont_care_that/

13m0u9m

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Fancy-Wally **My girlfriend dated me because of a dare** **Originally posted to** r/offmychest [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13f2k9z/my_girlfriend_dated_me_because_of_a_dare/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 11, 2023** My girlfriend(17f) and I(18m) have been dating for five months. Before we started dating, I had a crush on her for roughly a year. It was quite well known since one of my old friends spilled it directly to her and her friends. They giggled for some time, but she never made a move on me or spoke to me about it. We're just classmates and aren't close. For new years, she hosted a birthday party for her 17th birthday. I was overjoyed and happily came. It was a great party. Though, I was mostly off to the side since my old friends were mainly mingling with other people. A few days afterwards, she came up to me and asked to meet me after school. We agreed at the park to where she confessed she had feelings for me and wanted to be a couple. I was over the moon and we began dating that day. Our relationship was pretty solid. We didn't get to many fights, but she wasn't all that affectionate which I was fine with. We never got intimate and mainly did small things like cuddling. Skip to five months. She was in my home and in the kitchen, making herself a snack. Her phone was buzzing and she asked me to bring it over. Her settings are where you can see the first line of the message. The phone also automatically turns on whenever she receives a notification. I took a glimpse and it was one of her friends. I didn't take a good look, but it read something like 'when is the breakup happening?' Which immediately attracted my attention. I unlocked her phone since I knew her password prior. I read a few more messages where they were talking about a prank they pulled on me. I confronted her about it and she went silent. After some prodding, she confessed. During her birthday, one of her friends dared her to ask me out. She got guilty when we continued dating for months upon months. It was supposed to be a one time thing with a simple date at a restaurant. They planned to hook me up with someone and frame me for cheating in the next few weeks, so she has a valid reason to break up with me. It also gave the other girls a chance to spread rumors about me. We got into a huge fight and I told her to leave and that we are done. It's only been a few hours and I'm absolutely devastated. I really, really liked this girl and she decided that it was a fun idea to pull on my heartstrings. I don't know what to do. Her things are still here, so I'm going to put it all in a box and leave it outside. She's been texting me, apologizing and trying to explain herself. I blocked her friends numbers since they were also harassing me. I haven't blocked her number just yet since we have to get each other's stuff from the others houses. After that, I'll be going no contact. Luckily the school year is almost over and I'm graduating, so I don't have to see her again. Still, I'm really upset. It hurts man. ..... ^ Replying here cuz top comment ^ I woke up to see dozens of comments and hundreds of likes. Never would I ever expect people to be interested in my love life, lmao I read some comments, and I'm sceenshooting her confession to what she and her friends did 👍 only if things go south. I'm like guaranteed her friends are gonna pull some shit so im gonna prepare. I'm praying I'm able to get my things back without a problem. My guitar is at her place. I ain't leaving that behind. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13fz1rg/update_my_girlfriend_dated_me_because_of_a_dare/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 12, 2023** I honestly didn't expect to post an update so soon, but since I did agree to pick up my things today while also dropping hers off, I don't know why I expected nothing to happen. A lot of you pointed out about she may have fallen in love with me during our relationship. It doesn't matter if she did or not. She broke my trust and I'm no longer attracted to her after yesterday. She allowed her friends to talk shit about me and plotted to destroy my reputation. She's weak minded and I'm not going to further date someone who will pick their abusive friends over their romantic interest. Do I feel bad? A little, but I tried warning her and she did not listen. Now onto the actual update! So I went to my ex's house with a friend of mine since in no way in hell I'm going there alone. It was right before school. I didn't see my things outside so I rung the door bell. Her father came out and handed my things while I gave him her things. He asked if I had cheated on her since she's crying in her room about it. So yeah. More of you were right about them spreading rumors and trying to blast me. I explained I didn't and even showed the screenshots I had on my phone. I ended up sending him it through his phone number. He thanked me and said he'll take a look at it. I told him if he didn't believe me through this then look at her phone. My friend and I left to go back home and get ready for school. I'm happy I got my guitar back since it's really the only thing I valued. After school, I got a call from my ex's dad. He apologized for the accusations and found the group chat of the girls and the hook up plans. He said he was going to punish his daughter and find these friend's parents. He got their names already and he's prodding my ex to know where they live. I told him he could use my sceenshots as evidence to back me up. Props to the dad for being calm about this. That's really all that happened. I know her dad and he's a scary man. He's 6ft and built. He can be very intimidating and I know my ex will give up the information. It's only matter of time the girls will fall. I'll be keeping an eye out since I have a week left of school. If anything happens, I'll post another update. I'm not interested in finding their socials and seeing if they already started spreading the whole cheating rumors. I'm sure they did However, everything was fine at school, but now it's the weekend, so I may receive some backlash when I return. I honestly don't care. I already got accepted into a college and I'm ditching this place. I just need to survive a week and graduation. My ex's dad will do all the heavy work. ##NEW UPDATE **THIS WAS POSTED AFTER THE BORU** [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13o0chs/final_update_my_girlfriend_dated_me_because_of_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 21, 2023** Man, sorry it took so long. I got busy wiith graduation and was waiting for things to be finished up. Now that I think it is, this may be the final update to conclude this mess. My ex got grounded, of course. All technology has been stripped away and she was forced to delete all her socials in front of her dad (besides FB cuz of family connections). She isn't allowed out of the house and he's hoping to get her a job over the summer. All that money will be directly funded to her college savings and none for spending. So LMAO Her dad also messaged me that she ended up ratting out her friends addresses and he went to each house to talk to the parents. I don't know what happened to them, but some were furious at graduation. I know they had a huge fight with my ex and everyone dropped her as a friend. They dropped each other as well. The whole friendgroup basically crumbled except like two of them. I'm pretty sure my ex probably has one or two friends left, if any at all. She was well popular then dropped to the bottom of the food chain. It's hilarious. None of the girls confronted me, except my ex. She met her after graduation where I was heading back to the car with my parents. She stopped me midway. She apologized profusely and admitted she never actually saw me as a lover, but as a best male friend. She realized how much we had in common when she took me on that date and wanted to get to know me more. She's a lesbian, but wanted to keep the charade of us pretending to be lovebirds so her friends wouldn't think she's a freak for liking girls. They're quite homophobic and would've dropped her (they did anyways so..). She also used the whole prank card as an excuse to not breakup since I could have told people and word would've been spread around and it could've ruined her reputation too. Which is why they did the whole getting me framed for cheating thing. I'm surprised she suspended it for several months and got that far. It's impressive actually. If I hadn't caught her in time, she probably would have gotten through with it due to pressure. So basically she used me so people thinks she's straight and also not ruin her reputation if she came out that it was a prank to date me. The only thing I forgave her for was her being a lesbian. I'm a straight cis male, but I can't imagine how scary it might be to be in a circle full of homophobics (whom you knew since you were kids) if I was gay. She didn't want to be discarded as a social outcast. I'm sure she would have found plenty of friends who would have accepted her for who she is. We don't live in the 1900s, lmao. Still, I understand why. I honestly would have rather her come out as a lesbian than using our relationship as a 'prank'. It would've been so much easier to handle. In the end, I told her to leave me alone and that I blocked her. She understood and left. She was sobbing so much and was having a panic attack in the parking lot. I had to drag her away from my parents at one point since I didn't want them finding out what's been going on. I only told them we broke up and this is a final conversation to clear things up. I do feel bad for her, but I can't help her. I do hope she finds better friends honestly. Anyways, that's all for the update. I told her dad that I made a reddit post about this situation. I didn't want to out her, so I asked him to ask her if it would be okay. She said yes. I don't know is she read my posts or not, but she definitely now knows I wrote about her to reddit. Oops. Edit: I found out she lied about being a lesbian to gain sympathy points. Psychopath **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My girlfriend dated me because of a dare

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13m0u9m/my_girlfriend_dated_me_because_of_a_dare/

13mj4fd

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/toldhiswifeee in r/AmItheAsshole This was previously posted here over 1 year ago. Mood Spoiler: >!Sad !< [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tuydop/aita_for_revealing_to_my_dads_wife_the_real/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) by u/toldhiswifeee My dad practically gave me up to his sister from the moment I (27M) was born. My mom died when she was giving birth to me. And my aunt told me he never recovered from that because he blamed me for her dying. It hurt a lot as a kid that at family events he would ignore my existence. When I was a little older he got more vocal about me “killing” her and he can’t stand to look at my face. You can imagine the amount of therapy that put me in. I used to go to church crying because I was scared about going to hell for doing that to my mom. That’s how much his words fucked me up. But the shitty part was that I never stopped trying to be accepted by him. After my highschool graduation he told me to never bother him again since he legally has no obligation to me anymore (since he was sending my aunt money to take care of me). Around that time is when I finally started accepting that reality so from there we moved on with our lives. My aunt doesn’t talk to me about him. Sometimes my grandparents do and that’s how I found out he got married. They were mad he didn’t invite me to their wedding but to me it didn’t matter because we’re not close. But it was his wife who wanted to meet me. It’s the first time ever that he wants to make contact and it was to pretty much say she wants me on their life. She doesn’t know the real reason about why we’re estranged, he asked me to please not say anything and maybe this could be a way to reconcile after all. But he was only doing it for her. That much was clear when we talked. I never said I would be he still insisted on us meeting at their place because she really wanted to meet me. All she thinks is we were estranged for not getting along in my teenager years, going to college and losing touch because of “life stuff.” It pissed me off that he played it off as us just not talking for petty reasons meanwhile the actually reason damaged me for years. I told her the truth. Everything he said to me. That he was never a parent to me, that was all my aunt. It was definitely a shock for her. The outcome was a disaster. Everyone has heard about this now. My grandma’s in particular told me she understands my anger. But this was his chance finding someone since losing my mom and now it’s been put in jeopardy. My dad is devastated. They think it was going too far to ruin his marriage that way when he was willing to include me in their lives which could have been the start of our relationship. And they say not only did I ruin that but also possibly wrecked his marriage. She just doesn’t agree at all with what he did and it could’ve been avoided if I didn’t say anything. For me it was hard not to tell the truth after the lies made it seem like it was nothing serious. I couldn’t ignore what happened after what it did. Idk if it was the right call since it put their whole marriage at risk after all. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/u30gv5/update_aita_for_revealing_to_my_dads_wife_the/) Words can’t express how much it meant to me getting so much love from my last post. Everyone who supported not just my actions but also acknowledge the hurt. To all the sweet internet moms who commented and DM’d me, y’all know how to make someone feel loved even by total strangers lol. Since so many people wanted an update here it is, it’s a little heavy and for a couple day I needed some time to process it and do some crying. They’re splitting up. Heard it first from my grandma then from his wife , or I guess ex? She was legit crying on the phone when she called to tell me sorry for putting me in that position. Her and my dad had a longer conversation where he told her everything else he did so she made that decision she can’t stay with someone like him. And she wanted me to know how disgusted she is, also to tell me thanks which is something I really needed to hear. My dad is who he is yeah but regardless two people splitting their marriage because of what you said is a hard thing not to feel guilty about. This lady is heartbroken going through divorce just a few months after getting married and she wanted to make the time to reassure someone else that they made the right choice. Unexpectedly though my dad wanted us to talk yesterday too. My girlfriend again didn’t want me to. Trust me I get her point (she’s the one who didn’t want me having dinner with them in the first place), for one thing we didn’t know what he wanted to talk about and what would that do to my mental health. It was probably a bad risk to take but I met with him. And yeah I should listen to my girlfriend more when it comes to this stuff… First time in my life I think we had a conversation about my mom. How much he loved her, them being happy and excited about having a family. But then she died and he told me even if it’s wrong he can’t ever not blame me because simply, if I hadn’t been born, she’d still be here. He’s only sorry for not completely staying away from me and saying horrible things growing up. While he wasn’t saying this to be malicious since he seem sincere it was still an ouch for me. In the end we decided having a relationship with eachother was never gonna happen and said goodbye. He at least apologized for trying to put me in that position. First good thing he ever did was tell me what happened with his wife wasn’t my fault . Then I just went home and cried. Had my day to process, a short therapy session and support from both my aunt and girlfriend to get me through. The rest of my family is leaving me alone at least so glad that in the end it was resolved. Not a total happy ending I know but in the end it’s better this way. &#x200B; **Reminder - I'm not the OOP. This is a repost sub.**

[REPOST] AITA for revealing to my dad’s wife the real reason why me and him were never close? + UPDATE

REPOST

peter095837

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13mj4fd/repost_aita_for_revealing_to_my_dads_wife_the/

13mpnwa

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/boasoas **OOP fakes sick leave, gets fired. OOP gets upset boyfriends brother won't help her get a job at his company** **Originally posted to** r/LegalAdviceUK **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole **Originally posted to** r/AskHR [ORIGINAL BORU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10mx5me/oop_fakes_sick_leave_gets_fired_oop_gets_upset/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) [went on holiday while on sick leave and boss saw](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/zrwjtu/went_on_holiday_while_on_the_sick_but_boss_saw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Dec 21, 2022** **Originally posted to** r/LegalAdviceUK I ran out of holidays from work and got option of last minute holiday so called in sick for 5 days. Lots of people do this. I’m not linked to anyone at work on Facebook but turns out one of my friends is and my manager has now seen posts with pictures of me on holiday. I know she’s seen them because she’s made a comment but I don’t know what if anything she’s going to do. Can she do anything? **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >Ok but can they use Facebook as evidence? I thought companies couldn’t use personal social media posts. . >That’s not what I meant. I know it’s wrong, it just didn’t seem as serious as this. I was a bit anxious before when she made the comment but wasn’t expecting to be sacked. People at our place only get sacked for things like fraud or serious safety. What can I do? . >Since I posted, all the responses seem to think I will get sacked, which tbh I hadn’t really expected because I didn’t think they could use Facebook. I’m not sure if my manager will do this but I’m now really worried. Can anyone advise me what I should do now? [AITA for not celebrating friends promotion ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ztdvy8/aita_for_not_celebrating_my_friends_promotion/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Dec 23, 2022** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole Christmas is going to be terrible. It seems very likely that I’m going to be fired from my job when I go back, for what was a massive error of judgment. I have to go to a meeting when we reopen but advice is that it doesn’t look good for me. Also I can’t really job hunt because all the companies in my field are closed over Christmas. I’ve never been in trouble before and I’m feeling sick and scared. Ironically, my good friend has just got a big promotion, which is deserved. She’d planned a big night out to celebrate, which I agreed to go to before all this happened. When this happened I said I couldn’t go, I was too miserable and probably shouldn’t spend the money. She said she’d pay for me. I still didn’t want to go and said I’d put a damper on the night. She said it would do me good to be distracted for a night. I told her she was insensitive and if it was for any other reason I would go but not for this. She told me that the trouble I was in was my own fault and I was selfish for not wanting to celebrate her success just because I’ve f***ed up. I was really hurt that she said this and it escalated. I didn’t go, she still went with the other people but she’s still annoyed with me. AITA here? **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >You’ve seen it now. It’s as it says. In my defence I know other people who’ve taken sick days when they weren’t sick and I didn’t really think it was this serious. Re Facebook, I’m not linked to anyone I work with and I didn’t post anything anyway. It was a post a friend made and she is linked to co workers. I didn’t realise that Facebook posts could be used as evidence in work situations like this. Anyway it seems work are treating it seriously and I’m probably screwed, from what our union guy says. Thanks for your judgment though, it makes me feel marginally better. . >I’m not denying I did something wrong, I am owning it, but I’d say fraud is a bit of a strong word. [I have a disciplinary meeting next week ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHR/comments/100p9hq/uk_i_have_a_disciplinary_meeting_next_week_am_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Jan 1, 2023** **Originally posted to** r/AskHR I have a disciplinary meeting next week, 2 days before my 2 year work anniversary. I am going to admit the allegation, which was that I took paid sick leave to go on holiday for a week- they found some posts on social media. It was a stupid decision which I regret. The letter I have states they are considering it as gross misconduct. I am in a union and the rep has told me it looks bad. I now understand how serious it is but in practice is this something which is likely to get me sacked? Is there a reason it would be better to resign before being dismissed? I do not have another job. But I worry in case I did that and they were only going to give me a warning. Is there a point this becomes obvious? Thanks for your help, I have never been in trouble like this before so don’t know what to expect. **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >The discipline policy has a list of things and they are saying fraud and falsifying records because I signed the RTW saying that I was ill. The rep says the policy is very standard, mirrors ACAS. 3 levels of warning, 1 right of appeal. . >It wasn’t even my FB it was my friend’s! . >We went away (abroad) for a week and there were pictures over the course of the week, checking us in at our location. There were some pictures in bars but not all. . >Hi . Thanks. No I won’t be there 2 years until 2 days after the hearing unfortunately. ☹️ I wanted to go away on holiday abroad but didn’t have any holidays left so I booked the holiday and then called in sick. At the time it didn’t seem that big a deal but it was really stupid, I get that now. I then signed the RTW when I got back saying I was sick. . >I’ve never had any warnings before. I’ve had some time off sick but never enough to have a warning. . >I don’t work in a regulated industry, so does this mean even if the sack me, it wouldn’t be in a reference? . >No, said I had flu/ chest infection [AITA for asking my boyfriends brother for a job when I'm desperate ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10bpkn1/aita_for_asking_my_bfs_brother_for_a_chance_of_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Jan 14, 2023** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole I’ve had a bad few weeks- I’ve just lost my job due to a misjudgment on my part. My company overreacted, in my opinion, and dismissed me. I’ve had to accept this and move on but it’s been hard. To keep afloat, I’ve got 2 minimum wage jobs in unrelated areas. I’ve only just started them and already absolutely hate them! They are boring and brutal, I’m quickly eating into savings and I’m desperately looking for something similar to before. I’m applying for jobs but nothing yet. It’s awful atm and I’m really worried. My BF “Dave” and his older brother “Kieran” both work at the same company, but in different functions. Kieran is more senior and has been there longer. Dave hasn't been there long and got the job through his brother. We went to his parents for dinner the other night. Kieran and his GF were there too. I’ve always got on well with all of them and they know my situation and have generally been supportive. It came out (accidentally, which stung a bit) that there is a vacancy at their company, similar to my previous job. I asked about it and Dave couldn’t help, hadn’t known about it, didn’t know the people involved or what the job was. Kieran did know and could have helped but was non-committal and vague but I kept asking and he provided more details. I thought I could definitely do it and was really enthusiastic. I asked him if I could apply and he wasn’t keen at all and said he didn’t think it was a good fit and not my thing. He knows anything would be at the moment! I said it sounded perfect and I wanted to apply and asked him to put a good word in for me. He still didn’t sound happy about it and kept making lame excuses. He said it was a different department, he wasn’t the hiring manager and couldn’t influence it, I was free to apply but he couldn’t really recommend me. I asked why not as he’d recommended Dave for a job in a different department. Then his mum got involved, backing me up, saying family was important and I was a great worker. He argued for a bit with us, then said he’d not had concerns about Dave, he did about me! After everything that’s happened, and thinking he was on my side, wow! I got annoyed and probably shouted a bit and asked him what he meant. He said I had a work ethic and attitude problem and I didn’t get fired for nothing and he wasn’t prepared to harm his own career recommending someone who he had concerns about! He said family loyalty also meant me not harming him at work! I couldn't believe it and said so. His mum agreed with me and there was a big row, us v Kieran. Then Dave also got involved and asked his mum to back off and me to leave it which was even more hurtful. We left soon after and Dave is now annoyed with me for ‘causing’ the fight. All I’m trying to do is get back on my feet and be given another chance and I feel so unsupported. We had another fight and he blames me for that. AITA? **VERDICT: ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** >I took sick leave when I wasn’t sick, then went on holiday. Like I said a stupid misjudgment, which I know others did as well, but I got caught. I will never do this again, which is why I was hoping for another chance. >As you now know, I called in sick because I’d run out of annual leave and had the opportunity of a last minute holiday. My friend posted pics on Facebook and some of my colleagues saw. It was a stupid thing to do but I wasn’t the only one doing this, so probably didn’t think enough about it until now. I do accept it now though and will never do anything like this again, which is why I’m hoping for another chance. I was upset because K was initially supportive and gave me advice and told me I could turn it round, so this feels like a huge slap in the face from him. ##NEW UPDATE [AITA - Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/boasoas/comments/13gcikd/update_aita_for_asking_my_bfs_brother_for_the/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 13, 2023** I posted a few times just before and just after I lost my job. Looking back now, I’m embarrassed about how entitled I sounded but I was a bit in shock and disbelief and not really thinking straight at the time. I worked at my previous job for nearly 2 years. The culture and enforcement around timekeeping and attendance was quite lax. It was well known that people called in sick when they weren’t. People called in if they needed a day off for a school thing for their kids or for a hangover. Everyone knew they were doing it. Nothing happened as a result. Right or wrong, it happened. I got used to it and like others sometimes abused it. I wasn’t the best but also not the worst. We got a new head of department. I now see she wanted to change this culture. They did some announcements/ warnings but I didn’t pick up exactly what was being said. My fault. Totally. So, I ran out of annual leave, wanted an holiday and like others I just called in sick. I did this at a time when my department was very busy- it was bad for my colleagues and I get them being annoyed with me. Some of them found out I was away, from my friends’ posts and told my manager, who took it through disciplinary process and they sacked me. I later found out from one of the ex-colleagues that I handed it to the company on a plate. I gave them the perfect case, gave them all the evidence etc so they could sack me as a warning to everyone else. The absence rate is apparently great now! How stupid am I ? I went into shock and panic a bit when I was sacked. I was scared about being homeless and never getting another job. I applied via agencies and got short term work. Lots of it. It was hard. As per my post, I found out about a job at my boyfriend and his brother’s employer, which was similar to what I’d done and thought if I got that, I wouldn’t have gaps in my cv (resume) etc. I see now how inconsiderate I was to both of them, especially “Kieran”, who would have had to vouch for me. I’ve apologised to Kieran and he’s accepted it. I also apologised to their mum. (“Dave” did know about it by the way, just felt it was easier not to. Kieran knowingly took the rap for him) So I got lots of short term agency minimum wage jobs. I got a job in a pub kitchen ( I’ve since been promoted to the bar). I burnt my arm on the night of Dave’s sister’s engagement party (which I couldn’t get the night off for!). Incidentally, on that night, Dave’s mum had a few drinks and told lots of family members why I wasn’t there. Nice. One the plus side, I ended up getting an evening job cleaning offices, through Dave’s auntie. I’ve still got it, until I feel more secure about other jobs. One of the ‘longer’ short term positions I got, I was sacked for being late - due to an accident on the motorway. It really opened my eyes. I’m now working in a similar job to the one I lost, but for less money and longer hours. There is regular overtime (6-2) on a Saturday and I am at the moment keeping my pub and cleaning jobs, so am taking home a bit more. The main job is going ok though, the company is good and long term there may well be more prospects than previously. I am being the ‘perfect employee’ and intend to remain so. Around the same time as my post, Kieran and his partner announced they were expecting a baby (so I was obviously not priority), their sister announced her engagement (the party I missed) and lots of commenters here expressed their hope that Dave would leave me! Lovely. He didn’t. I now think it was because he didn’t have the guts. We aren’t together any more, my decision, though I think he was relieved, not really anything to do with this. He’s seeing someone else now. He says they met after we split up, I don’t believe him but what can I do. Some Redditors will be pleased, no doubt! I randomly saw Kieran after this, he said he thought we weren’t right together, that I needed someone to stand up to me more, and Dave wasn’t it. Made me feel strangely better somehow. I actually feel I will miss Kieran more than Dave. He was like a big brother. He’ll be a great dad. Anyway, yes I was TA. I got a lot of nasty comments and DMs but also got a lot of advice and support, which helped me a lot, so thanks. Life is quite hard at the moment but I’m working on it getting better. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Stephenallen1977 >Thanks for the update. Seems unlike most of the posters in AITA, you took on the advice given and have been working hard to be a better person. Better to make a mistake early in life and move forward with the experience. OOP replied >Thanks. I really don’t want to screw up my life more than I have already. Appreciate your comment . DinahTook >I saw this when you posted it in the wrong sub earlier. I just wanted to message and say that it is wonderful that you took the comments and used that as a moment to reflect on what happened and your choices. It really sounds like you are focused on moving forward in a better way. Thays wonderful!. >I hope things continue to look up for you and you continue learning from mistakes to be a better, stronger, and happier version of you than you were when you first posted about this situation. >Good luck! OOP replied >Thanks. This actually means a lot. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

OOP fakes sick leave, gets fired. OOP gets upset boyfriends brother won't help her get a job at his company

NEW UPDATE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13mpnwa/oop_fakes_sick_leave_gets_fired_oop_gets_upset/

13n2w42

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Ad-West-7 **in** r/offmychest TW: >!Mental illness, self-harm, references to suicide, physical violence, alcohol + drug abuse!< Mood Spoiler: >!Very sad!< \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13czyis/my_girlfriend_had_a_meltdown_and_fell_asleep_on/) \- May 9, 2023 **My girlfriend had a meltdown and fell asleep on my couch** Last night my (25M) girlfriend (27F) came over to drop off a package that was sent to her house instead of mine. She’s been struggling with depression recently and for the last two weeks she has not been acting herself at all. It seemed like she had not slept in days and her usual high energy self was not there. I asked her if she was okay numerous times but she kept pushing me away and gave one sentence answers about how she is fine and I didn’t need to worry. I know she has a history with suicide but that was when she was a teenager and she has not thought of taking her life since she was 16. When she came over she was in really bad shape. Her hair was messy and there were bags under her eyes. There were some cuts on her arm that looked like self harm and one of them was bleeding. Her voice was groggy and she was extremely quiet. She came into my apartment, put the package on the kitchen counter, said goodbye, and tried to leave immediately. She thanked me for being a good boyfriend which caught my attention. I felt a sense of doom so I stepped in front of the door and told her to stay for the night. She told me to move but I said she was not in a good condition to drive and something bad might happen. Suddenly she hit me in the chest and said she wants something bad to happen. She broke down in tears and cried about how stressed out and unappreciated she felt. She talked about how she was the perfect student and went to Berkeley like her parents wanted and became a nurse but they never showed any support for her career. She gets pushed aside and hates how all the attention goes to her sister and she feels unnoticed. She cried about how stressful work has been and how understaffed her hospital is. She had not slept for 37 hours and tried to go to bed a couple hours earlier but couldn’t fall asleep. She hates her body and how much she struggles with maintaining her weight. I picked her up and brought her to the couch and she continued crying and told me she thought about crashing her car multiple times on the way to my apartment and I would be better off with her being dead. She finished off by saying she doesn’t feel human and how difficult it is to get out of bed then fell asleep in the middle of crying. That all happened in a span of about 10 minutes. I laid her down on the couch and put a pillow under her head. I stopped the bleeding on her arm and put some bandages on the wound after I cleaned it. I put a blanket over her and stroked her hair for a while. I started crying watching her sleep. I knew she was going through a rough time but I did not know how bad it was. I got a blanket and pillow and slept in front of the couch in case she woke up. It’s 10am right now and she’s still sleeping. She’s been asleep for 14 hours and has not moved. I don’t know what condition she’s going to be in when she wakes up but I hope she is calm and open to talk about getting help. Edit: Thank you for the replies. She woke up a couple hours ago after sleeping for 16 hours and she explained everything. She was at work two days ago and a elderly patient yelled at her and shoved her. She reached her breaking point and when she got home she threw out her antidepressants (she gets a refill on Thursday) and went into a manic episode. She went to work yesterday without sleep but walked out an hour into her shift and relapsed into self harming. She decided she was going to drive into a tree but wanted to see me one last time so she dropped off the package to do so. Thankfully I saw the signs and stopped her and she had her breakdown. She asked if she could stay with me for a couple of days so we drove to her apartment to get some things and she played music and sang her heart out. She wanted Wingstop so I stopped to order her something and she ran to a grocery store nearby while I was in line and got her favorite ice cream. We drove back to my apartment and ate and she is currently taking a shower. When she gets out and dries off I’m going to sit down with her and talk about what she wants to do regarding her job. I think she’s going to quit tbh. I saw a comment asking me to call out for her but I think she’s going to call out entirely. She seems BURNT OUT. I’m also going to bring up idea of her talking to a therapist again. Thank you for listening to my ramble lol. Your support means a lot to me. \~\~\~ [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13gd29r/my_girlfriend_showed_up_to_my_work_drunk_and_high/) \- May 13, 2023 **My girlfriend showed up to my work drunk and high** A couple days ago I posted about how my girlfriend was in the middle of a mental crisis and fell asleep on my couch for half the day. She took a mental health leave from her job and found a therapist this morning who she says will begin to see her next week. She got her medication refills on Thursday and has been trying to relax but when I came home later that day she was not there. I texted her and she said she was out with friends and would be back soon. She came back a couple hours later with a brown bag but did not tell me what it was. She went into my bedroom to hide it and told me not to open it. I was a little concerned but decided not to push it. It turns out she was hiding cocaine in the bag. I am a firefighter and I worked today and the next two days and tonight she showed up at my station drunk and high out of her mind. She knocked on the door and my Lieutenant opened it and I immediately recognized her drunk voice. She stumbled in asking where I was and started crying when she saw me. My Lieutenant told me to take her home so I guided her to the car and drove her back to my apartment. She started yelling about her job out of nowhere then fell asleep. When I reached my apartment I carried her up the stairs and sat her down on the couch. There were wine bottles and a line of cocaine on my kitchen counter. I called the station and said I would be back in an hour and cleaned up the kitchen and made sure she was not at risk of overdosing. I have never been more mad in my life. I am okay with alcohol in my apartment but any kind of drugs is unacceptable. My father was a drug addict so drugs are forbidden from my apartment and my girlfriend knows this. I am upset about that but showing up inebriated and high at my job IN FRONT of my coworkers is even more unacceptable. I have been trying my hardest to put myself in a position to move up a rank and now I am the guy who had to drive his drunk girlfriend home. How did she even get to the station in the first place. I hope it was an Uber or something. I love my girlfriend with all my heart but she needs to find serious professional help. I have been able to weather her manic episodes but this incident is something I am not going to be able to let go quickly. I know she has mental health problems and it’s something I have to accept to be with her but she is not taking her health seriously and it’s affecting her life and it’s starting to affect my life. She said she was going to admit herself to a psychiatric hospital on Thursday but it’s Saturday morning and she’s in my apartment passed out on my couch. I love my girlfriend. I really do. The past four years with her have been amazing but she keeps getting worse and it’s getting harder to help her. I watched my mother ruin her life trying to fix my father and I don’t want to end up on the same path as her. At some point I have to draw a line. Update: She took herself to the hospital and admitted herself. She sent me a picture of the sign in sheet and apologized for her behavior. I don’t feel anything at this point. I get a break from her for a while so that’s nice. I might break up with her. \~\~\~ *Note:* *Marked as ongoing since it's definitely not concluded, but OOP didn't indicate that they planned to update again so I'm not sure if we'll get another one. I hope he ends up okay, and that his girlfriend gets the help she needs.* *Edit: OOP did end up posting another update, so I'll be sure to make a new update post when it becomes eligible to be posted.* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

My girlfriend had a meltdown and fell asleep on my couch

ONGOING

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13n2w42/my_girlfriend_had_a_meltdown_and_fell_asleep_on/

13nr27x

I am not OOP. This was originally posted by u/sillygooseiguess on r/TwoHotTakes. \-- [**AITA for hating my husband's Mother's Day gift when I haven't received it yet?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13gokps/aita_for_hating_my_husbands_mothers_day_gift_when/) **- 13 May, 2023** The day I'm writing this is the day before Mother's Day. I have spent the whole day (or week, more accurately) in and out of tears. I started reminding my husband about Mother's Day a month ago. I told him exactly what I wanted: one of those viral book bouquets with a couple of books from my wish list. I sent him screenshots of my TBR, and then again two weeks later as a way to remind him. The reason why I even reminded him so early is because he has a tendency to put things off until he forgets about them completely-- and unfortunately I think this is the case for a lot of heterosexual men. For my last birthday, we did absolutely nothing. He blamed it on the fact we were flying out to head home the next day-- but that was not for my birthday. That was for Christmas. And I didn't even want to fly home, HE did. The birthday before that, he wasn't even in town. He was on a dirt biking trip with his brothers. He didn't do anything with my reminders, my screenshots of my wish list. Did not buy any books. Has not bought anything at all, period. And it's the day before Mother's Day. To give him credit, he did talk to me a few nights ago about this "spa" that he found in our area I could choose a couple services from as his gift to me. The services offered were a couple of facials, brow treatments, or waxing options-- none of which I need or even remotely hinted at wanting to get done. I politely told him, "I'm sorry but don't think I need any of this." And he just kind of shrugged his shoulders and is now back at square one. Since he never bought me any books, I bought some for myself. The package came today, and when he asked what it was I told him it was my Mother's Day gift to myself since he never got them for me. He went into our bedroom and pouted, said nothing. I am so angry and so hurt. I have told him from the very beginning of our relationship that I refuse to end up in a marriage like my parent's, and that's exactly where we are headed. I wanted to avoid the cliché last-minute purchased flowers and candy so badly. And I would still try to appreciate them, if he even got them at this point. I was asking him if he had plans to go to the store some time today and he said he didn't. He's currently sitting on the couch beside me watching YouTube videos on his phone. I told him exactly what to do, exactly what I wanted, and he ignored it. I do not understand why. Why do I have to work so hard to get someone to show they care about me? To show they LIKE me? I truly am so confused, so heartbroken. All I know is, I WILL be keeping the same energy for Father's Day.So, AITA for hating my Mother's Day gift even when I have yet to receive it? **EDIT:** For those asking, we have a one-year-old son. Also for those stating my husband shouldn't need to get me anything or do anything for me since I'm not his mom, what's our one-year-old supposed to do? Shit in my hand? There is absolutely wrong with a husband showing appreciation towards the woman that's working hard to raise his kids. **EDIT #2:** For the people who clearly see the underlying message here, thank you. Despite the literal title of my post, at the end of the day, this is NOT about materialistic gifts. It's about effort and showing gratitude. Sorry for those of you who do not see that in this post. I understand not everyone reads through the comments, so I will add this here as well: I would love anything— breakfast in bed, crumbl cookies, a clean house, a day to myself, a homemade card, whatever. The only reason why I’m “upset” over a “gift” is because I thought getting me a gift would be the easiest thing for him to do in our situation. (Since our kid is so young and we don't have any family/help around since we moved away.) I laid it out for him completely and he still did nothing. Granted, there is still time. He could pull something out last minute. I’m just really in my feelings right now. Made a post out of anger. **EDIT #3:** A few more things: 1. I’m so sorry there are so many of you that can relate. 2. There are quite a few people getting hung up on his spa attempt. Maybe I should go into more detail. He had not booked anything yet. If he had gone ahead and did it, I would have gone and been totally fine with it. But when he told me he was thinking about doing something like that, he was asking what I would want to get done at that particular place. I told him my honest opinion, that I didn’t want any of it. I really didn’t think so many people would get hung up on that shred of detail, but you’re clearly missing the bigger picture here, in my opinion. You’re really just picking and choosing what you want to read. It was a last-minute offer. It wasn’t thoughtful, it was a quick google search. Why would I want him to spend hundreds of dollars on something I didn’t want in the first place? Especially when a couple of stupid books are 10x cheaper. 3. The heterosexual men comment was sexist and I apologize for hurting anybody’s feelings with that take. I should clarify that is the norm for the men in my life to be forgetful and to not be grateful for the women in their lives. My husband did not start out this way. While we were dating/engaged he was very thoughtful in so many ways. Maybe becoming parents is what flipped the switch.I will post an update tomorrow but my hopes are not high. I’m thinking of turning off comments because this has gotten bigger than I expected and it’s getting a little overwhelming, but for those of you that have been kind regardless of your stance, thank you. Truly. \-- [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13hf5ce/update_aita_for_hating_my_husbands_mothers_day/) **- 14 May, 2023** For those of you that said I’d feel stupid the next day, you were right. I do feel stupid. I feel stupid for ever thinking that my husband would try to give me the same treatment that I give to him on his special holidays. I feel stupid for laying out a step-by-step process for him to take the pressure off of finding me a gift, and then have him completely disregard it. I feel stupid for begging someone to show me they appreciate my efforts to raise our child, manage a household, and devote 100% of my time and energy into our family. The only thing different about today was that he put up our window blinds— something that I’d been asking him to do since we moved into our new house four months ago. Guess that counts for something. There were a lot of people concerned about what I do for him on Father’s Day & birthdays. For Father’s Day last year I planned a 2-day camping trip at his favorite cabin site and rented jet skis and prepped all of his favorite camp meals. For his birthdays I make him a dessert and a dinner from scratch every year unless he wants to go out, and we do everything else he wants. I’ve get him tools he’s been talking about wanting, I’ve gotten him new clothing items and shoes that he wants replaced, I get him things that go along with the hobbies he’s taking interest in. Bottom line, I put in too much effort to receive less than the bare minimum in return. I don’t give a shit if that makes me a “narcissist” or “materialistic” or “selfish” or “self absorbed” as a lot of you have called me in my messages. I deserve a partner that fucking cares. I deserve a partner that takes note of my interests and makes me feel listened to and respected. I deserve a partner that shows me through their actions how much I matter to them. Not with some what-if bullshit about fucking spa treatments. My kid deserves a better role model than that. Better yet, my kids future SPOUSE deserves a better role model than that. I think it’s funny how there were comments saying “just wait for tomorrow, maybe he’ll surprise you” as if I didn’t know this would be the outcome. As if I hadn’t been reminding him for a month in advance to avoid this. As if the pattern of him dismissing my days to feel special wasn’t a common pattern. And no, I didn’t marry him and trap him with a baby because I thought he’d suddenly change. He did change, but only because he used to be so thoughtful and sweet before. While we were dating and engaged, he always did so much for me and made me feel so loved. I don’t know why that has changed. Maybe parenting has taken a larger toll on our relationship than I thought. I really don’t know. For the others that have gone through this same situation, thank you for your kindness and support and your love. I appreciate it all so much. I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, if that’s applicable to you. ❤️ As for me, I’m spending my Mother’s Day having a very long conversation about what we should do next. **EDIT:** Already adding an edit because I can already see these kinds of comments coming— I am not demanding or expecting my husband to go all out for me in return of what I do for him. What I DO expect is some real, genuine effort. **EDIT #2:** Just one final blurb before I go. I can’t help but notice how the majority of the people who are tearing apart what I’ve said word for word, name-calling, sending me vile hate messages and threats, critiquing how I reacted, or telling me I don’t deserve to be treated well are predominantly male. The irony is hysterical. \-- REMINDER: I am not OOP

OOP hates her Mother's Day gift from her husband before she receives it

ONGOING

rickysayshey

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13nr27x/oop_hates_her_mothers_day_gift_from_her_husband/

13o49wn

**I am not the OP. That is u/MaleficentRisk6279. Originally posted on r/TrueOffMyChest. This is the new update to a previous BORU post, which can be found [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/10aomx6/i_slapped_my_girlfriend_out_of_reflex_when_she/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)** &nbsp; Trigger warning: >!sexual assault, mention of child sexual abuse!< Mood spoiler: >!overall positive for OP!< &nbsp; [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/100io33/i_m21_slapped_my_girlfriend_f20_out_of_reflex/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *posted on January 1, 2023* **I (m21) slapped my girlfriend (f20) out of reflex when i woke up to her doing certain things to me.** Using a throwaway for this. I guess i have to put a TW for sexual assault here. I feel horrible for what i did. How do i even start this? Let me just start by saying that i would never slap her intentionally. Let alone hurt her in any way. My girlfriend has a very high sex drive unlike me and therefore she is the one to initiate sex most of the time. It took me a few years to fully trust her but she was such a loving and caring person who understood my trauma and was always able to control herself even with her high sex drive. When i was a child i was sexually molested by my own egg donor. I remember how she covered my mouth with her hand while holding me down and i tried to scream and defend myself. But i was just a little boy and she was a grown woman. I wouldn't call her mother because thats not what mothers do. This traumatized me and it destroyed every relationship i tried to built with a woman. It was hard for me to trust one until my girlfriend appeared. And she always respected my consent so far. Yesterday evening she wanted to have sex and i told her i wasn't in the mood right now and then i turned around. I woke up in the middle of the night to my blanket gone and her doing oral sex. My heart started beating really fast. All the anxiety i felt as a child came back and before i realized i slapped her so hard she fell of my side of the bed. I immediately realized what i just did. The only thing i thought about was that i slapped her. She held her cheek while looking at me with a shocked face before starting to cry. I wanted to comfort her and apologize but she ran out of the room into the bathroom where she cried her eyes out and then she went to sleep on the couch. I apologized repeatedly but she refuses to talk to me. I feel so bad. I know i am a horrible person and there is no excuse for this. But what can i do so that she speaks to me again? Is there anything i can do so she forgives me? &nbsp; [Update 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1030l8m/update_i_m21_slapped_my_girlfriend_f20_out_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *posted on January 4, 2023* **UPDATE: I (m21) slapped my girlfriend (f20) out of reflex when i woke up to her doing certain things to me.** When i made the original post i definitely didn't thought it would blow up like this. And i certainly didn't expect the comments to be so one sided. And i didn't expect them to be on my side. I expected nothing but people telling me how horrible i was and i felt that this would be the only comment i deserved. But after reading literally thousands of comments i slowly began to realize what actually happened there. You have to understand that this moment shocked me to the core and this shock still was there when i uploaded the original post. I saw myself as the absolutely disgusting women-beater because of it. I never wanted to hurt anyone but i realized now that it was a trauma response. When i woke up to her going down on me it felt like my whole body was controlled by someone else. Like i was controlled by strings that forced me to react like that. And the more comments i read the more i was sure about that. One day after the post, after thousands of comments from reddit but also from Tiktok and many DM's i talked to her about it and i broke up with her. Because all of this made me realize that my perspective of "loving and caring" was pretty f\*cked up. I realized that she showed me the bare minimum of compassion someone should have in a relationship and i noticed many toxic patterns i haven't realized before. But going into them now would not only be irrelevant to the actual topic but it also would take way to long for this update post. Btw. she refused to apologize to me and demanded an apology from me. Besides my now ex girlfriend i only had one friend. I don't have an actual mother or a father. I don't have grandparents or siblings. Just this one friend. So i really lack of healthy bonds in my life. Breaking up with her was a hard thing to do but it was necessary. She currently stays with her mum who also called me yesterday to ask why i broke up with her. And i saw no reason to lie and just told her everything. She was quiet on the phone for a while and then just told me her daughters ex boyfriend broke up with her for a similar reason. She said it wasn't the same situation but a similiar one and then she apologized. She didn't go into details, but if I'm interpreting it correctly, my ex seems to have a thing for traumatized men. But again there is no evidence to support that claim. Thats just how i would interpret this conversation with her mum. So what am i going to do now? Well i'm going to therapy and probably won't enter a new relationship any time soon. I focus on myself and i have to heal. No i won't press charges because that would mean that i would have to deal with it in a negative way and put energy into it that i just don't have. I hope you can understand that. Her mom is probably going to punish her anyway. And losing the respect of a person you love dearly, I can imagine thats worse than what she would get as a punishment from the court. As for you, I would like to thank you all for your comments. The comments you left on the original post, the private messages but also all the comments you left on the tiktok posts that shared my story. if you left a comment on one of the tiktoks, chances are i've read it. Thank you all so much! &nbsp; [Update 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13gal1x/update_2_i_m21_slapped_my_girlfriend_f20_out_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) *posted on May 13, 2023* **Update 2: I (m21) slapped my girlfriend (f20) out of reflex when i woke up to her doing certain things to me.** I can't believe that I'm updating again after such a long time but now something happened and I think some of you might be interested. If you read my previous posts about this topic you know what happened. Its been a few months so not everyone might know about it. So a few months ago I was in a relationship with someone who SA'd me and I defended myself by slapping her in a Trauma response. Back then I felt terrible but this wonderful community made me realize I was the victim. I've been through a healing process and even though the scars of my past may never fully heal they definitely can be brought to a point where I can live with them and its perfectly fine. However what happened that I felt the need to update you? Well! Apparently my ex got reported by someone. The letter arrived today and they need me as a witness. Probably another guy who she felt the need to retraumatize or maybe even her ex. Who knows. Wouldn't be the first time. I'm not quite familiar with the details yet but I think i'm ready. A few months ago the wounds were fresh and I had to put myself first. This is why I refused to report her myself. I explained back then that if I reported her then I would've been forced to deal with this again in a negative way and put energy into it that I just don't have. But maybe I can get something close to justice now that I feel better. I think I'm going to do it. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the OP. Please don't comment on the original post.**

I (m21) slapped my girlfriend (f20) out of reflex when i woke up to her doing certain things to me

NEW UPDATE

Shelly_895

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13o49wn/i_m21_slapped_my_girlfriend_f20_out_of_reflex/

13oewi0

Originally posted by u/broccoliok923 in r/AmItheAsshole on May 5, '23 updated on May 6, '23. &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/138vxuu/aita_for_taking_my_bil_to_small_claims_court_over/)** May 5, '23 &nbsp; AITA for taking my BIL to small claims court over art supplies? A bit of context: I (29M) like to draw and try other mediums as well. As such I've accumulated a lot of art supplies over the past few years. My wife (Sally 27F) also dabbles a bit and we have converted one of the rooms in our home to an art studio of sorts. There's easily a few thousand dollars worth of art supplies in that room and we tend to keep it locked for that reason. Most important to me are my pencils and markers which were not cheap (Chartpak for those who care). Onto the story: Sally and I had her family over for her aunt's birthday a few weeks back and my BIL and SIL brought their kids with them (7F and 6M). We had forgotten to lock the door to the room that day. About an hour into the party I noticed that both kids were nowhere to be seen, so I asked my SIL if she knew where they were. She said that they were drawing in the other room. I asked if my wife was with them and she said she (SIL to be clear not Sally) just told them which room it was in. I immediately rushed over to the art room and found it was a total mess. Most devastatingly was the fact that all my markers were ruined because that kids were using way to much force casing the tips to fray. I yelled at them to get out and they started crying. My BIL ran over and started yelling at me saying they're just kids and it's just markers. I told him that the markers alone were 17$ a piece and he said I was stupid for paying that much. Sally tried to diffuse the situation but my BIL starting yelling at her too saying we can't have this much art supplies and not expect kids wanting to use it. I told him he's paying to replace the markers and other supplies they ruined and he told me to go fuck myself and left. Everyone left shortly after that. I totaled up the damages and I needed to replace about 375$ and found that the kids drew on a piece I had spent the past week working on as well as ruining a finished piece Sally did. I sent him a bill and he blocked me. So I talked with my friend who was lawyer and had him draft a claim for small claims court and a letter to send my BIL (I paid him for this ofc). My wife is in agreement about this but her family has been mobbing us telling us we're being ridiculous over some markers. Only my FIL (who also has taken up painting recently) and my other SIL say that BIL has to pay. AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* We mainly wanted him to admit he fucked up and to apologize. When that obviously wasn't going to happen we wanted tot at least get the money to replace some of the supplies. Not gonna ban the kids, they're not the ones to blame here. they are banned from the art studio without a doubt, but blanket banning them from the house doesn't seem fair. . *A breakdown of the supplies worth:* 10 markers were destroyed completely ~170$ 19 had the nibs destroyed ~152$ they wasted 8 sheets of my expensive watercolor paper ~30$ They also fucked around with some clay but that was still useable. . Worst part is that we have cheap markers, crayons, and pencils since I sometimes teach the elementary school art classes as a sub and school supplies are rarely enough for an entire class. If BIL or SIL asked I could've gotten them stuff. . *In reply to comments about some art supplies being dangerous (sharp, toxic, etc) and the kids were lucky they didn't get hurt/sick:* We keep the all the sharp stuff (scalpels, fabric shears, etc.) in a separate lockbox thankfully. We renovated the room last year to be better ventilated since the markers were giving me bad headaches, but it's a miracle they didn't actually get poisoned now that I think about it. . I'm not blaming the kids, their parents shouldn't have told them to use our stuff without consulting us. SIL directed them their, it's not unreasonable to expect that people don't tell their kids to go into closed rooms and use whatever's in there. &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/138vxuu/aita_for_taking_my_bil_to_small_claims_court_over/)** May 6, '23 (Date recovered via unddit) &nbsp; *Judgment: Not the Asshole* &nbsp; Update: First off, holy shit I did not expect this to blow up. I posted, figured I get a handful of responses, and turned off reddit. I am extremely grateful that so many took the time to read and respond to this post, I'm going to read as many comments as I can, but I can't read them all. Either way, thank you all. Anyways, last night my FIL called my wife and told us to come over. When we arrived my BIL and SIL were already there. FIL sat us down and told us we're figuring this out now and anyone who leaves gets written out of his will. BIL asked if he seriously would disinherit him over markers, and FIL asked him "would you seriously get disinherited than talk this out like adults?" He called all of us childish but figured the threat of court would make BIL admit he was at fault. He also was mad at me for reacting so nuclear and ruining aunt's bday. After an hour and half of talking BIL said he was sorry and would replace the supplies his kids ruined, I apologized for making a scene and Sally and I are taking aunt out for dinner tonight with FIL as an apology. I don't really care about the judgement here since I realize whether or not I was right for taking BIL to court because my asshood from ruining the party far outweighs that. Hopefully things mend well with my wife's family. &nbsp; *In the comments:* >While your financial dispute ended up being with your BIL, it was your SIL who directed her kids to use your art room, without permission. She didn’t even supervise; she let her kids loose on your stuff as a way of keeping them occupied while their parents participated in the aunt’s party. That’s extremely disrespectful behaviour on her part, which could extend to a wide range of other possessions. Has there been any acknowledgement of this and agreement that it’s not going to be repeated? OP: Yes, I didn't include it in the update but it was an hour and a half long discussion and that did come up. She knew I sometimes teach kids art as a sub and figured that all my materials were kid safe, she was incredibly apologetic about the situation, especially after learning that 2 pieces were ruined. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for taking my BIL to small claims court over art supplies?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13oewi0/aita_for_taking_my_bil_to_small_claims_court_over/

13og7y6

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/SilverDeath0. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!The whole thing is bizarre and sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/135aisz/aita_for_leaving_a_starbucks_midway_through_an/)**: May 1, 2023** So I’m 21M and I’ve been kicked from my friend group. To give some context, I’ve been in this friend group since high school around 2018-2019 and have been friends with two of them since freshman year. Throughout the years I’ve been with them, they’ve noticed a lot of little toxic traits I’ve had, and didn’t really tell me a lot of them. So around the end of March, beginning of April they started avoiding me and just telling me that they’re too busy to hang out. For two weeks things was dead silent with me and them. I actually thought they were just to busy to hang out, but they were actually planning to talk to me about my problems with an intervention. After the two weeks, they shoot me a text saying to meet at this Starbucks with the specific address of it and at 4. So I asked if we weren’t friends, cause they were avoiding me and they only replied with, “we need to talk.” So I did, and all of them were sitting at a table in the middle of the Starbucks waiting for me. Once I sat down they started to list out the problems they’ve had with me, like not being open enough with my feelings, having double standards with touching things, or zoning out when I’m not in the conversations and not to join them. I’m not going to lie, I did feel uncomfortable talking about issues about me in public. I didn’t realize these problems but after them saying it, I really feel like a jerk once seeing it. Now here’s where I feel like I would be the asshole in the situation and further. Midway through them talking, I just straight up left because I felt hurt and didn’t want to continue that conversation. Right now I’m slowly trying to fix the issue one at a time so new people I meet won’t deal with it. Another two weeks go by, and I felt terrible about how I was to them in general. One friend that knew the group and my situation, that friend told me that the friend group is still willing to be friends. After feeling bad about myself, I tried to text one of the friends to setup a talk. I asked if it was fine to meet up and talk at his or my place. He replied by saying he would rather talk at Starbucks or coffee place, and I tried to compromise with a park not to far from our places. He didn’t like the compromise, saying that he didn’t feel safe or comfortable to talk to me unless it’s somewhere he like and that wasn’t for negotiation. For me I told him I didn’t feel comfortable to talk in a public space like a coffee shop, and I wouldn’t like to be in the same situation as before. Then it got a little emotional for me that I won’t go into or repeat.I did still wanted to be friends with one other person in the group. So I tried to message them and he responded with basically saying that, “If you want to apologize, you have to say sorry to everyone in the group. You ended our friendship the moment you left the Starbucks.” So far that’s where my story with my ex-friends is at.Am I the asshole for being the start and end of my situation? Edit 1: When I said touching stuff, meant in more of grabbing a book off the shelf, borrowing a hammer, and etc without permission. Edit 2: One of the bigger reasons why I posted here was because I don’t understand why I’m “unsafe” to them. I’ve never physically harmed them, yelled at them angrily, nor attack them with personal insults. ***Relevant Comments:*** *People try to figure out why they would do this, and ask OOP if he did something serious:* "Honestly, Idk if it was something so serious that they would feel that way. They never really said anything I did super serious that can harm them physically or mentally. They really just listed off several things that I need to be better at and try fix them. " "There's many things said and I did leave halfway so I don't know all of them. 1. I did record a reaction of giving a Christmas present to one of the friends, to the person I commissioned to make a the present because she was a close friend and want see the reaction. 2. I've asked to do hang outs one on one many times that it would be an annoyance without realizing it 3. I've said personal dislikes and likes into the friend group and didn't realize it was a secret until after saying it. There's a lot of things that I really can't remember off the top of my head, and I might just be an ass for it." *Are you aggressive?* "To be honest, I don’t think I’m an aggressive person. I can be passive aggressive when I’m not in the mood, but I’ve never raised my voice in anger when we’re hanging out irl." "I’m sorry that I don’t have all the info, but from what I realized about myself is that whenever I’m in a sour mood or have a problem, I just rant about it or do a silent treatment. If I am aggressive about things without realizing it, I just wonder why they didn’t bring it up as the first topic of the intervention?" *Are you neurodivergent?* "Idk if I'm ADHD/autistic/neurodivergent." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13ftx4d/aita_for_leaving_a_starbucks_midway_through_an/)**: May 12, 2023 (11 days later)** So it's been about a week or so now since my post, and wanted to give some updates and good news. Before that, I wanted to say thanks to all the comments from before. I’ve felt like shit for the whole month of April and it helped that there were people telling me I’m not shit. I’ve listened to a lot of the comments, and most of them just say cut them off and move on, so I am. First thing is that, I've sent a link of my post to the "friend group," to give them my perspective of things. I've understood that I've unintentionally made them feel uncomfortable during times. I don't know if I understand their whole perspective but thanks to that I know myself a bit more in social situations. They’ve probably moved on from me but I just wanted to say some sort of goodbye. Now I've blocked them so I can move on and find others that will like me for me. Along with that, I know that I’m gonna have some trust issues and overthinking things in the long run. Secondly, I've taken some tests, like the RAADS test and scored a 149 so I probably have some neurodiversity. I've went ahead and scheduled a ADHD assessment and will be taking it in the next coming week. With this comes the good news for me, I've been hanging out with an online friend who I've known for a long while and actually lives like 15 mins away from me. (Lets call him Bob and if ur reading this, thanks man) I told Bob my situation with the friend group and he has helped me emotionally with it without me feel shit about the situation. During this time, I've made him uncomfortable once by accident with me blurting my mouth. He did let me know how he felt so I apologized, told him it won't happen again, and I'm working on these things. I also got him some Anime Expo badge and a concert ticket to join me. The AX badge and concert ticket was originally gonna be for the "friend," who said that he was unsafe with me. I was gonna surprise him with it as an early birthday present before what went down. I know it's a bit soon to give away the stuff but idk if I can find anyone soon. Anyways, I'm grateful for the advice you all gave to me. I do understand that there are some things that need to be fixed, some of the things said during the "intervention," just need to be ignored, and somethings that I need to move on from. I'm mainly thankful that you guys help me understand myself a little more like my neurodiversity. Also sorry that this is a long post, I do just like to talk a lot. But yeah, if anyone has extra questions, I’ll try to answer them as best as I can. I hope everyone have a great day and good friendships to never end. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you elaborate on what you did to make people uncomfortable? Was it sexual?* "It’s not in any sexual way, it’s more of accidentally saying something that was in one’s past I didn’t know that they wanted it not to be brought up in public." *What did you blurt out to make your new friend uncomfortable?* "I don’t want to say it cause I do want to keep his wishes on it private. Just let you know, it wasn’t any kind of insult or any weird story about him. It was just something in his past he doesn’t bring up often." **Mini Update: May 15, 2023 (3 days from update)** Little Extra Update: After seeing my post, two of the friends messaged me where I forgot to block. The first one, we talked about how we felt about the situation, decided just to move on peacefully and maybe see each other down the line. I really appreciate that we could come to somewhat of an understanding. The second guy called me a coward for posting about my situation, said that all he wanted was an apology but I couldn't do that, and said to "square up" next time I have a problem. And they say I'm the unsafe one, but either way he was obviously blocked. Thanks for reading! **Editor's note-** for some reason reddit keeps eliminating all paragraph spaces when I post. I've tried several different things with no luck. Should be fixed now.

AITA for leaving a Starbucks midway through an intervention about me?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13og7y6/aita_for_leaving_a_starbucks_midway_through_an/

13oro0d

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Primary-Yellow-3095 (account is suspended) in r/AITAH \*\* Trigger warning: >!mentions of childhood abuse!< Mood spoiler: >!Good!< \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [AITAH for telling my friend to mind her own business](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13a1m2s/aitah_for_telling_my_friend_to_mind_her_own/) \- 07 May 2023 Using a throwaway so that my girlfriend doesn’t know. My (28M) girlfriend (25F), Julie, has a weird obsession with cartoons. I don’t mind it. She had a really rough childhood where she wasn’t allowed to watch any children's shows. She only started watching after she turned 18 and moved out. She watches everything. But her most favorite ones are- spongebob squarepants, Powerpuff girls, Phineas and Ferb, teen titans and many more. If I am being honest, I like this obsession of hers even if it is kinda weird to me to see a grown up adult watching a kid's show. But I think everyone should have a childhood which she clearly missed. So, last week, I threw a get-together at my house. I invited all of my friends. My best friend Rachel (28F) was also there. She has been my best friend for almost 15 years now. She has met Julie. And I never thought they had any bad blood between them. Rachel seems to really like Julie. So, at the party we were all having fun and playing games. I should mention that Rachel was wearing a fedora. Julie had to stay late for work that day. When she arrived, the party had already started. So when Rachel came to say "hi" she didn’t have her fedora on her head. She put that hat on in front of Julie and Julie said in a mimicking doofenshmirtz's voice "Perry the platypus". She thought this was funny because Rachel's last name is Perry. So, Julie made a joke that she only gets it. I smirked a little. But it seems to have caught Rachel off guard. When Julie went inside the room to change. Rachel, in front of everyone told me my girlfriend was rude. I apologized and explained this is just a harmless joke she does and this is a line from her favorite tv show "phineas and ferb". She didn’t let it go, instead she started to press this matter even more. She asked me how can I date a literal child? And it is really embarrassing that she behaves like one. I told her that's just how she is. She doubled down and told me she finds it a little creepy that I am dating someone whose brain hasn’t developed after 8 years of age. I find it a little offensive because Julie is very smart and works in a STEM field. Rachel also made some odd and hurtful comments seeing my gf's plushie and doll collection. When I tried to defend Julie, Rachel would just shrug and say "I am your friend. I know what's best for you." She said I shouldn’t date someone so immature like Julie and I am better off with someone more mature. I told her to mind her own business and that what Julie likes is none of her business. And my dating life is my choice. She should stay the fuck out of it. Rachel was giving me and Julie cold shoulders throughout the party. Later that day she messaged me and said she cannot believe I was such a jerk to her because of my gf and that I am throwing away our friendship because of her. She hasn’t talked to any of us. Julie made plans with Rachel to go on shopping but Rachel just said she is busy in a text and hasn’t contacted her. Julie is sad too because she was excited for their shopping spree. I didn’t tell Julie about our fight because she adores Rachel. She would be crushed to know what Rachel has said about her. I am wondering if I went too far. &#x200B; *Some comments from OOP:* >Rachel has a crush on you. OOP: I don’t think so. She has had boyfriend before. But none of her behaviour seems like she would have a thing for me. >You need to tell Julie what Rachel said, yea. It might hurt, but that's better than her thinking her "friend" is mad at her for no reason. > >Also, you are absolutely nta. You stood up for your lady, and that's admirable. OOP:Julie really likes Rachel. If I am being honest she is the only gf who didn’t had beef or gave cold shoulders to Rachel. They both acted like sisters. So if I tell Julie about what she says she will be crushed. >INFO: aside from her liking what she likes, your girlfriend is still a responsible adult and can do her share of what I call "adult responsibilities" right? Like the things she's doing is not impacting her ability to be a fully functioning adult? OOP:Nope. She has a job. She is just a little childish. She missed out a lot on her childhood because of her crazy controlling parents. So I kinda understand why she is like that. &#x200B; [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13g9ai2/aitah_for_telling_my_friend_to_mind_her_own/) \- 13 May 2023 Hello everyone, not much has changed. I did talk to Rachel about it. I explained it to her how rude she was. I did tell my girlfriend why Rachel was upset. Julie was not mad. Instead she was very apologetic. She said if she knew Rachel would be upset of her little joke she would have never said anything. She wants to apologise to Rachel. I tried to explain she has nothing to apologise for. She didn’t do anything wrong instead Rachel was the one who overreacted. But Julie put her foot down and invited Rachel on a dinner. Julie said sorry. She told Rachel about her childhood. About how her parents were strict and never let her have toys or let her siblings watch cartoon because they were academic nut who thought those things were too distracting. Julie even cried while telling some of the stories one of which was when her father beat her because he found a book of "harry potter" under her bed. She escaped that place after she turned 18. Rachel was good and apologised as well. She said she didn’t knew Julie had such rough childhood and she was so insensitive towards her. I thought this was it. Rachel had finally learned her lesson but when the dinner was done Rachel took me out to talk privately. She told she is now 100% sure Julie is not right for me. I asked her why? She told me Julie has a lot of trauma and I shouldn’t be the one to carry the burden. She thinks Julie's past is going to be a problem if we ever have kids. She might start abusing them too. I was angry. I told her Julie is nothing like that. She is sweet and kind. She has been going to therapy because of her childhood trauma so she shouldn’t be too hard on her. I even asked if she was jealous of Julie. Rachel did fumble on her words while saying no. We got into an argument and in the end I told her I want some space from her. She has no right to dictate who is right or wrong for me just because she got it right 2 times. She always had problem whenever I dated someone. She has no right over me and my life. Rachel started crying. I called an uber for her but didn’t say a word beyond it. Rachel won't stop calling me. She was blaming Julie for ruining our friendship and accused her of being a cheater. I told Julie about the whole argument. She cried a lot because she never wanted her little joke to escalate so far. But she agreed Rachel went too far. Rachel sent some very hurtful messages to me about Julie. I didn’t tell those to her. Julie has also blocked Rachel. She was pissed too when she heard Rachel thinks Julie would also become an abuser. Also to those people who said that Rachel never liking my ex is a red flag. Well she has a good reason to not like them. Before Julie I had 2 serious relationships before. My first ex cheated on me. Rachel warned me about her but I brushed it off. My second ex was very controlling and toxic. When we broke up she slashed my car tire. That's why I sort of think Rachel has good intuition about people. But not this time because I know she is wrong about Julie. And Rachel always had something to say whenever I wanted to date a girl. Even if she turns out to be right about Julie I do think Rachel is just too involved in my personal life. &#x200B; **Reminder: I am not OP.**

AITAH for telling my friend to mind her own business?+Update

CONCLUDED

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13oro0d/aitah_for_telling_my_friend_to_mind_her_own/

13ounkh

I am not the Original Poster. That is u/CatThrowaway998 in r/legaladvice trigger warning: >!mental illness, animal abuse, animal death!< **Original** [**post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/awal56/illinois_my_mother_has_300_cats_in_her_house_and/) **March 1st, 2019:** I moved to Europe for work a decade ago, and have not been back to the States for nearly 3 years, since my dad died. I felt bad leaving my mother alone, however money was tight and I was not able to afford to visit. She had numerous friends so I assumed she'd be ok. I came to visit finally, yesterday, and my mother's health, unfortunately, seems to have declined more than she let on. The whole house is full of cats. Hundreds of cats, some of them look to be pregnant, and some of them already have litters. 300 may be an understatement. I asked her where they came from and she didn't have an answer for me. I told her she needs to get rid of them but she insisted they were better off with her. To make matters worse, the guest room has been filled entirely with various birds. Parakeets, finches, a swan (she says it's a swan) and various others I can't identify. I estimate there's 50+ birds, and they too look as if they've been breeding. All the animals have food afaik, but the smell is unbearable and this cannot be sanitary. You can't move without stepping on a cat. Who do I call? The police? I'd prefer if there was a way to resolve this without her getting charged for animal cruelty, she's just a harmless old lady who is suffering from dementia. Next morning edit- please don't pm me with offers of help, I want to remain anonymous, I do not want the media to show up or anything. Thank you. **Details in her comments:** It is a downstate rural county. If I call animal control, or the cops, will they take the animals away? They'll take the cats right? I feel as though I am being redundant here but I cannot stress enough that *I am literally swimming in cats.* What is the penalty for such a charge likely to be? They wouldn't put her in jail, would they? If they're just going to fine her, or something along those lines, it's fine. After seeing the state of the house I'm going to either get her some kind of care or attempt to bring her to me-- she's clearly not capable of living on her own anymore. I will take her to be evaluated asap. She fails to understand my problem with the situation, and I am... more than a little frustrated by the fact that after over 24 hours I am still seeing new cats that I have not previously noticed. I have no idea where it came from. It doesn't look at all like a swan to me, it looks like a dove, but I don't know birds well enough to know for sure. The most frustrating thing is that she doesn't seem to know where the animals came from. ...Then it is not a swan, unless it is not fully grown. I asked my mom again to clarify, and she insists its a swan. To be honest, I don't care if it's a dove, swan, or magical flying snake, I just want it gone. The exact species is not my concern. The damage is ridiculous. The banister is about to collapse from being clawed/chewed, the living room carpet smells as though it has been drenched in cat pee, it seems as though the basement has been used as a giant litter box for a long time. The bird bedroom is covered in droppings, feathers, and some kind of wood chips that seem to have been thrown in as an afterthought. There's one wall that looks as though a human took an axe to it- I can't imagine cats doing that level of damage. **Update** [**post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/axeale/update_they_removed_all_the_cats_from_my_moms/) **March 4th, 2019:** Animal control and the police were called, and it took them until today to get here. Over the weekend I took my mother to a hotel, and she said she was happy that I cleaned up for some mother-daughter time. She also thanked me for getting her a new bed. She couldn't comprehend that we weren't in her house. Animal control, with a lot of help confiscated all the cats except two, and all of the birds. For those debating it, no it was not a swan, but a young duck. I should probably have known, but I wasn't going to take a second peek into that room. The total cat count was 213, and the total bird count was 87. There were a significant amount more that were, unfortunately, dead. Many of the cats were sick, and may have to be euthanized. My mother is extremely upset, she has been admitted to the hospital for reasons I would rather not get into. I don't know if the house is saveable, the situation is still being assessed. I'm sorry it's not a happy update, but at least I'm no longer drowning in cats. **Details in her comments:** They took 213 live cats, and 87 live birds... They left 2 w/ my us and... There's a lot more dead animals. They let us keep 2 \[cats\]. She's not going to be left unsupervised so... They'll be taken care of. These two were the ones she had last time I was here, and they're fixed. These were cats I lived with, whose pictures are on my desk at home. They've both got distinctive marks too, they're not like, all black cats. It wasn't *easy* but it wasn't particularly difficult to identity them. I requested them, since I knew them before I moved. I'm shocked they're still alive even though they were less than a year old when I left. They're like 10ish now, so kinda old for cats. I didn't expect them to still be alive. Gotta be a miracle tbh. **I am NOT the original poster.**

My mother has 300+ cats in her house, and an entire bedroom full of birds

CONCLUDED

BigConsideration3920

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13ounkh/my_mother_has_300_cats_in_her_house_and_an_entire/

13ozz6e

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/khaledthegypsy **in** [**reddit.com**](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/) trigger warnings: >!racism, racial profiling, islamophobia!<   [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/dmh5s/does_this_mean_the_fbi_is_after_us/) \- 4th October 2010 Me and my friend went to the mechanic today and [we found this on his car.](http://imgur.com/OM6nE.jpg) I am pretty confident it is a tracking device by the FBI but my friend's roommates think it is a bomb..any thoughts? **Edit 1:** I should also clarify that the FBI had interest in my friend since his father passed away, as he was a religious leader and they've made attempts at contacting my friend to spew racist questions. **Edit 2:** i shouldve been more clear when clarifying but religious muslim leader...and i am an ent! : ) but it was my friend's car and he doesn't reddit. My plan was to just put the device on another car or in a lake, but when you come home to 2 stoned off their asses people who are hearing things in the device and convinced its a bomb you just gotta be sure. **Edit 3:** MORE PICTURES! [here](https://i.imgur.com/sspLU.jpg), [here](http://imgur.com/f4V2T.jpg), and [here](http://imgur.com/srhrK.jpg) **Edit 4:** people keep repeating some posts so i will address the more frequently asked questions here... The device was found near the exhaust but further in, my friend's father was a muslim religious leader, it is not an ex girlfriend that placed the device on his car nor some random other employer or such. he bought the car a little under a year ago and it wasnt there for sure then. Last EDIT!! I am doing another post because the story has many new developments, hopefully within a few hours. &#x200B; **Comment by** u/jeanmarcp **-** >It's a Guardian ST820. It's a GPS tracking unit made by the company Cobham, the product line is called Orion. The redditor who said that the battery and magnetic unit is hand made is wrong, you've got the standard kit, it is sold like that by Cobham. Sales is restricted to army and law enforcement. TL;DR : yes, FBI or Police is after you.   [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/doe17/update_to_does_this_mean_the_fbi_is_after_us/) \- 4th October 2010 The FBI is actually now trying to get in touch with me about some posts so as not to anger our government agency more than i already have I won't be posting a lot about that but feel free to ask any questions regarding my friend and I.   [**News Report**](https://www.wired.com/2010/10/fbi-tracking-device/) \- 7th October 2010 A California student got a visit from the FBI this week after he found a secret GPS tracking device on his car, and a friend posted photos of it online. The post prompted wide speculation about whether the device was real, whether the young Arab-American was being targeted in a terrorism investigation and what the authorities would do. It took just 48 hours to find out: The device was real, the student was being secretly tracked and the FBI wanted its expensive device back, the student told Wired.com in an interview Wednesday. The answer came when half-a-dozen FBI agents and police officers appeared at Yasir Afifi’s apartment complex in Santa Clara, California, on Tuesday demanding he return the device. Afifi, a 20-year-old U.S.-born citizen, cooperated willingly and said he’d done nothing to merit attention from authorities. Comments the agents made during their visit suggested he’d been under FBI surveillance for three to six months. An FBI spokesman wouldn’t acknowledge that the device belonged to the agency or that agents appeared at Afifi’s house. “I can’t really tell you much about it, because it’s still an ongoing investigation,” said spokesman Pete Lee, who works in the agency’s San Francisco headquarters. Afifi, the son of an Islamic-American community leader who died a year ago in Egypt, is one of only a few people known to have found a government-tracking device on their vehicle. **His discovery comes in the wake of a recent ruling by the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals saying it’s legal for law enforcement to secretly place a tracking device on a suspect’s car without getting a warrant, even if the car is parked in a private driveway.** Brian Alseth from the American Civil Liberties Union in Washington state contacted Afifi after seeing pictures of the tracking device posted online and told him the ACLU had been waiting for a case like this to challenge the ruling. “This is the kind of thing we like to throw lawyers at,” Afifi said Alseth told him. "It seems very frightening that the FBI have placed a surveillance-tracking device on the car of a 20-year-old American citizen who has done nothing more than being half-Egyptian," Alseth told Wired.com. Afifi, a business marketing student at Mission College in Santa Clara, discovered the device last Sunday when he took his car to a local garage for an oil change. When a mechanic at Ali’s Auto Care raised his Ford Lincoln LS on hydraulic lifts, Afifi saw a wire sticking out near the right rear wheel and exhaust. Garage owner Mazher Khan confirmed for Wired.com that he also saw it. A closer inspection showed it connected to a battery pack and transmitter, which were attached to the car with a magnet. Khan asked Afifi if he wanted the device removed and when Afifi said yes, Khan pulled it easily from the car’s chassis. “I wouldn’t have noticed it if there wasn’t a wire sticking out,” Afifi said. Later that day, a friend of Afifi’s named Khaled posted pictures of the device at Reddit, asking if anyone knew what it was and if it meant the FBI “is after us.” A reader quickly identified it as an Orion Guardian ST820 tracking device made by an electronics company called Cobham, which sells the device only to law enforcement. No one was available at Cobham to answer Wired.com’s questions, but a former FBI agent who looked at the pictures confirmed it was a tracking device. The former agent, who asked not to be named, said the device was an older model of tracking equipment that had long ago been replaced by devices that don't require batteries. Batteries die and need to be replaced if surveillance is ongoing so newer devices are placed in the engine compartment and hardwired to the car's battery so they don't run out of juice. He was surprised this one was so easily found. "It has to be able to be removed but also stay in place and not be seen," he said. "There's always the possibility that the car will end up at a body shop or auto mechanic, so it has to be hidden well. It's very rare when the guys find them." He said he was certain that agents who installed it would have obtained a 30-day warrant for its use. Afifi considered selling the device on Craigslist before the FBI showed up. He was in his apartment Tuesday afternoon when a roommate told him “two sneaky-looking people” were near his car. Afifi, already heading out for an appointment, encountered a man and woman looking at his vehicle outside. The man asked if Afifi knew his registration tag was expired. When Afifi asked if it bothered him, the man just smiled. Afifi got into his car and headed for the parking lot exit when two SUVs pulled up with flashing lights carrying four police officers in bullet-proof vests. The agent who initially spoke with Afifi identified himself then as Vincent and told Afifi, “We’re here to recover the device you found on your vehicle. It’s federal property. It’s an expensive piece, and we need it right now.” Afifi asked, “Are you the guys that put it there?” and the agent replied, “Yeah, I put it there.” He told Afifi, “We’re going to make this much more difficult for you if you don’t cooperate.” Afifi retrieved the device from his apartment and handed it over, at which point the agents asked a series of questions – did he know anyone who traveled to Yemen or was affiliated with overseas training? One of the agents produced a printout of a blog post that Afifi’s friend Khaled allegedly wrote a couple of months ago. It had “something to do with a mall or a bomb,” Afifi said. He hadn’t seen it before and doesn’t know the details of what it said. He found it hard to believe Khaled meant anything threatening by the post. “He’s a smart kid and is not affiliated with anything extreme and never says anything stupid like that,” Afifi said. “I’ve known that guy my whole life. “ The agents told Afifi they had other agents outside Khaled’s house. “If you want us to call them off and not talk to him we can do that,” Afifi said they told him. “That was weird. \[...\] I didn’t really believe anything they were saying.” When he later asked Khaled about the post, his friend recalled “writing something stupid,” but said he wasn’t involved in any wrongdoing. Khaled declined to discuss the issue with Wired.com. The female agent, who handed Afifi a card, identified herself as Jennifer Kanaan and said she was Lebanese. She spoke some Arabic to Afifi and through the course of her comments indicated she knew what restaurants he and his girlfriend frequented. She also congratulated him on his new job. Afifi recently got laid off from his job, but on the same day was hired as an international sales manager of laptops and computers for Cal Micro in San Jose. The agents also knew he was planning a short business trip to Dubai in a few weeks. Afifi said he often travels for business and has two teenage brothers in Egypt whom he supports financially. They live with an aunt. His U.S.-born mother, who divorced his father five years ago, lives in Arizona. Afifi’s father, Aladdin Afifi, was a U.S. citizen and former president of the Muslim Community Association here, before his family moved to Egypt in 2003. Yasir Afifi returned to the United States alone in 2008, while his father and brothers stayed in Egypt, to further his education he said. He knows he’s on a federal watchlist and is regularly taken aside at airports for secondary screening. Six months ago, a former roommate of his was visited by FBI agents who said they wanted to speak with Afifi. Afifi contacted one agent and was told the agency received an anonymous tip from someone saying he might be a threat to national security. Afifi told the agent he was willing to answer questions if his lawyer approved. But after Afifi’s lawyer contacted the agency, he never heard from the feds again until he found their tracking device. “I don’t think they were surprised that I found it,” he told Wired.com. “I’m sure they knew when I found it. \[...\] One of the first questions they asked me was if I was at a mechanics shop last Sunday. I said yes, that’s where I found this stupid device under my car.” Afifi's attorney, who works for the civil liberties-focused Council on American Islamic Relations, said this kind of tracking is more egregious than the kind her office usually sees. "The idea that it escalates to this level is unusual," said Zahra Billoo. "We take about one new case each week relating to FBI or law enforcement visits \[to clients\]. Generally they come to the individual's house or workplace, and there are issues that arise from that." However, she said that after learning about Afifi's experience, other lawyers in her organization told her they knew of two people in Ohio who also recently discovered tracking devices on their vehicles. Afifi's encounter with the FBI ended with the agents telling him not to worry. “We have all the information we needed,” they told him. “You don’t need to call your lawyer. Don’t worry, you’re boring. “ They shook his hand and left. &#x200B; **ETA -** [**Judge dismisses lawsuit over GPS tracking - News Article**](https://www.politico.com/blogs/under-the-radar/2015/04/judge-dismisses-lawsuit-over-gps-tracking-206410)  \- April 2015 *(thanks to* u/benigndepressedbear *for the link)* Represented by the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), Afifi filed suit in 2011, alleging that he was subjected to a warrantless search and had his rights violated under the First Amendment and the Privacy Act. In 2012, the Supreme Court ruled that placement of a GPS tracker on a person's automobile is a search that requires a warrant under the Constitution. However, U.S. District Court Judge Beryl Howell ruled Thursday that Afifi could not seek financial damages under that precedent because it was not widely-accepted law at the time the FBI placed the tracker in 2010. Howell also denied Afifi's request that the records be erased from FBI files in accordance with the Privacy Act. "The pertinent question is whether the investigation was valid and not whether every act taken in furtherance of the investigation was valid," Howell wrote. "The plaintiff’s information was collected prior to the Supreme Court’s decision in Jones and was valid under then-existing law in the jurisdiction of collection. Accordingly, even to the extent the proper inquiry should focus on the investigative tactic used to collect the records, the collection of the plaintiff’s records in this case was valid under the precedent of the jurisdiction where it was collected." Howell placed portions of her 27-page opinion under seal. They appeared to quote an FBI official's classified declaration detailing the reasons for investigating Afifi. "The information contained in the sealed declaration is sufficient to determine that the records are within the scope of an authorized law enforcement activity. Nonetheless, it bears noting that to the extent the plaintiff seeks to vindicate his own actions or to otherwise discredit the initiation of the FBI’s investigation through the use of discovery, the investigation is now closed and this Court is satisfied regarding the evidence giving rise to the FBI’s investigation in the first instance," Howell wrote. CAIR spokesman Corey Saylor downplayed the significance of Thursday's ruling, saying that the Supreme Court decision three years ago affirmed the central legal point Afifi's suit sought to establish. "This outcome is what CAIR sought in raising this particular challenge on Yasir Afifi’s behalf in the United States District Court for the District of Columbia. Given this court’s conclusions that surveillance of Afifi had already stopped years ago, in the wake of Jones, there was nothing left for the court to decide in his case," Saylor said. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP asks Reddit if it is possible that FBI is after his friend.

CONCLUDED

Mist0fCapricorn

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13ozz6e/oop_asks_reddit_if_it_is_possible_that_fbi_is/

13pdtpz

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/Polaritium. He posted in r/TrueOffMyChest. **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13hjm1q/my_girlfriend_sold_my_car_because_of_a_petty/)**: May 14, 2023** So, for a bit of context: My girlfriend and i have known eachother for around 4 years, but started dating during 2021. That car has been passed down for GENERATIONS by the way (Its a 1972 Ford F100) my grandpa owned, then passed down to my dad, then passed down to me. I dont drive it too often, as i do have my own car, but i use it for work. Recently, we've gotten into an argument over me not taking care of our two cats. Thing is, i spend almost all day working, and the rest of it resting. So, what did she do? She got the pickup truck, went to a junkyard, and sold it! Worst part? She sold it for 400 dollars. Keep in mind, this truck was in PRISTINE condition. When i got back home from the bar, i noticed the pickup wasnt there. I asked her, and she told me what she did. I instantly packed up my things, my cat, told her we were done and left. I've been getting calls from her, her family and friends everyday calling me names. Am i in the wrong? ***Relevant Comments:*** *The argument:* "First time we had an argument over chores. Last argument we had was about her disappearing on me for 9 hours without any previous notice, that was about a month ago." "Thing is, it's not like i just DIDNT take care of the cats at all. I just was really busy with work and got back home really tired. Also, keep in mind that i was the bread winner in the house." "I had an agreement that she WOULD do the chores, i put food on the table. I still loved the cats, and fed them." **Update (Same Post): May 15 (Next Day)** *(date recovered with Web Archive)* Update 1: Thanks for all the advice and support! Two things: I have talked to my lawyer cousin. He said i could have a solid case if this goes to court, but honestly, after all the shit i've been through i want my pickup back and some more for what happened. I doubt the police is going to do anything after a couple of bad experiences i've had with them. My ex came knocking on my door, i ignored her, dont want anything to do with that bitch anymore. My dad also got the news and was super sad, considering that truck was pretty much the family's breadwinner for about 30 years. **Update 2 (Same Post): Between May 15-16** Thanks for the advice again! I have now filed a police report for the stolen F100. I have hope it can be done! I am also doing my own bit of research, driving to a couple nearby junkyards, but i doubt i'll find it on my own. I hope we can find the Old Green F100 we love so much. **Update 3 (Same Post): May 15-16, 2023** The F100 has been found on a nearby junkyard by a friend! Thanks for all the support guys. **Update 4 (Same Post): May 15-16, 2023** So, people have been asking these things, so i feel like i should clarify. 1 - Its not like i took no care of the cats at all, i did. She doesn't work. I put the bread in the table, she gets the house chores done. Thats how we managed it, which is why i feel like this was petty. 2 - I went to a bar to hang out with a friend i had not seen in 5 years. I dont drink heavily or often. 3 - The signature was forged by my girlfriend, from what i know at the moment, or the junkyard guy just took it because it was a 9.6k profit. The junkyard opens at 12:30am today, and since its currently 5:00am here, i'm still gonna have to wait for a while, as you might be able to tell, today was quite a crazy day. Haven't gotten one minute of sleep. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Polaritium/comments/13ip8vi/finally_have_the_truck_back/)**: May 15, 2023** So, i have the F100 back. Over a day of no-sleep, work and panic.. and its finally over. She's been charged with a Class 1 Felony for stealing a car worth more than $10,000. She's been fined $5,000. Finally back from the garage with the truck... I'm so tired. I'll take a nap now. I'll update you guys more throughly tomorrow. I dont feel like explaining every detail right now.. Its 19:09pm and i'm really tired of this fucking shit.Edit: Also, feel free to AMA.. I'll try to answer everything. **Update 5 (Same as OG Post): May 16, 2023 (2 days from OG Post)** I have the truck back! The F100 is actually back, i did have to pay the $400 back though, and its not as good as it was before.. Its really dirty (probably from driving to the junkyard, which is pretty dirty) and the bodywork that was once pristine is now damaged.. Has a huge scratch on the paint. It was a really sharp key or something, because the bodywork is now ruined. It has started flash rusting, which is really not good. The paint is ruined. The truck itself isnt as great as before, i can tell she broke the brake fluid line as well, because the brakes are running badly. Good news though, my girlfriend has been charged with a C1F for GTA and fined $5,000. Don't worry though, i will still follow through with the lawsuit. **Newsweek Article written about this** [here](https://www.newsweek.com/man-suing-girlfriend-over-family-heirloom-1800636?amp=1). **OOP's name is John.**

My girlfriend sold my car because of a petty argument. I am now suing her.

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13pdtpz/my_girlfriend_sold_my_car_because_of_a_petty/

13qa3ru

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/throraway\_23](https://www.reddit.com/user/throraway_23/). She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!Bizarre and sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12lposw/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_using_my_life/)**: April 14, 2023** Hi all, first time posting so sorry for any mistakes. I (17f) have eight older brothers. Without getting into too much detail, there's a few adoptions and half siblings in the mix but I'm close to all of them and while my life can be crazy sometimes, I wouldn't trade them for the world. It's also relevant that I don't have either of my parents in my life and haven't since I was 11. The issue involves my close friend, (17f) who I've known since we were 4. For about a year now, she's been consistently posting on social media about her "best friends suuuuuuper hot older brothers" and "the terrible tale of how she ended up in a love triangle with her best friends brothers" and it's seriously annoying. She's never really had anything to do with my brothers, they know her as "my little sisters friend" and nothing more so I really don't get where this is all coming from. Over the last few weeks however, it's gotten so much worse. She'll actively tell stories to people at our school about the "steamy romance that is her life" and it's bringing me a lot of unwanted attention. I've tried to talk to her about it but she always says that she'd never do anything to hurt me and she's just "living her life" which doesn't even make sense? I've mentioned it so many times that I've started to avoid hanging out with her because I know my brothers will come into it and I'll have to ask her to knock it off again. Everything came to a head yesterday. We went out with some friends and 4 of my brothers dropped us both off. When we got inside half of the girls in the group immediately started talking to my best friend about the "good looking guys in the car" and whether those were the hot men she was talking about. I snapped and yelled "Those are my brothers and I swear to God (friends name) if you don't stop using my life to get petty clout I'm cutting you off. Quit living your fantasy through me, do it somewhere else." and left, which I feel like was really harsh and probably could've waited until we were in private. She called me later to tell me she wanted space from our friendship because I was become jealous, needy and controlling ever since she got close with my brothers, which isn't even remotely true. all of my brothers so far have told me to just stop being friends with her, but she's been really important in my life for a long time and I don't want to ruin what we have, but at the same time I don't want to keep letting her use my life for her fantasy. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you check with your brothers to make sure there was no hookup or anything misconstrued?* "I have said that I already spoke to them and they were disgusted to say the least. My brothers are all in their 20's, so it's not only weird but it's also illegal. She's also never been around them long enough for something like that to happen." *How does she act when your brothers are around?* "She's always been flirty with them, which they never reciprocated and eventually they stopped being around when I had her over because of the comments. She isn't close with them at all, and I've asked her to stop a few times but she never does. The one time I asked her why she was doing this she told me to stop being controlling so I really don't know where this came from." *More about OOP's background:* "I don't know the full deal with my parents, even when they were around they weren't really active in my life but when I was 11 they lost a custody battle for me over drug use I think. I'm really not sure, it isn't something I like knowing so I've only ever asked to be told the basics. I know 8 older brothers is a lot, but I wouldn't say they're "hot" so to speak. I think people are more attracted to the 'movie romance' idea." *Why are you friends with her?* "I've been friends with her for over ten years so it's not easy to let that go, plus she's the only friend I have. I have friendly acquaintances, but no other friends. She only started acting like this about a year ago and I thought it was normal I guess? So I didn't really do anything because it didn't hurt anybody, or at least I thought it didn't." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throraway_23/comments/12owlnw/update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_using/)**: April 16, 2023 (2 days later)** Hi everyone, I have a small update for those who'd like to hear it, and I'd also like to say thank you to all the people who gave advice and opinions. So the first thing I did was have a proper talk with my brothers about everything that's been going on. I showed them the post and all the comments I received, and they took a minute to read them before speaking. One of my brothers "Sam", assured me they had never been flirty, romantically interested or sexual with my friend at any point in time. There was never a time when any of them were alone with her for more than a minute. Not gonna lie, that made everything so much easier, I was terrified one of them was going to admit to having done something with her. We also talked about her recent behavior's, I told them about what she'd been saying and then Sam spoke up. He said that in the past, they had heard my friend intentionally telling people strange things about me in order to make it seem like I wasn't a person who you'd want to be friends with. (They'd overheard these conversations at my house when I wasn't around or doing something and she was waiting for me.) Things like "She's too clingy" or "She's controlling" to even telling people I'd slept with one of my brothers. It hurt. A lot. So you guys were right, she has been isolating me from people. After our talk, I needed to get some air so I went for a walk. My friend ended up calling me and I answered. I know, stupid, but I was hurt and wanted to know if she really had done those things. The conversation went like this: **HER**: "Listen, (my name) we've been friends for a long time and I don't want to hurt you but this friendship has become really toxic." **ME**: Are you serious? I know what you've been saying about me. You're a liar and a creep and the only toxic thing in this friendship is you. **HER**: I've literally never lied to you in my life, so I don't know what you think I've said or done but you're wrong. It's not my fault people don't want to be you're friend because you're weirdly possessive. **ME**: You literally told people you were dating my brothers, that's gross and really messed up. **HER**: This is what I mean, you aren't acting like yourself anymore. I feel like ever since we got older, you've started to become obsessed with attention. I don't like this version of you, it isn't my best friend. I hung up after that and now I feel like shit. She was my best friend, I have no idea what to do next because she hasn't stopped blowing up my phone since the call. I want to block her but I just can't do it. I feel like an absolute failure. So yeah, that's where I'm at right now. I don't have a clue what I'm going to do next, I want to tell her parents but what would I even say? "You're daughter's fetishizing my brothers?" I have literally no evidence whatsoever and I don't know what she's told them about me. Who knows. Any advice would be appreciated, since my brain isn't working right now and all I've been doing is crying. ***OOP has not made any further posts since April, but I hope she has been able to move on from this friend and is doing well!***

AITA for telling my friend to stop using my life to get petty clout and to live her fantasy somewhere else?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13qa3ru/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_using_my_life/

13qagjc

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/serious-stuff45. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP learns to stand up for herself!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13afch6/aita_for_not_moving_out_of_my_apartment_so_my/)**: May 7, 2023** I (F23) have an older brother (32). I moved out of my parent's house earlier than him and found a small place for myself that is really close to my job. The place is not the biggest, it's a one bed room apartment - but it is enough for one person and rent is very cheap so I'm extremely happy with it. I put a lot of work into it and made sure it's my little happy space. Recently my brother started staying over now and then, I don't have a problem with that, he works the nightshift and my place is also closer to his job than my parent's house. The problem began when he started brining more and more of his stuff to my place. He brought his PS4, started gaming in my living room and is overall just being a terribly inconsiderate guest and treats me like our mom. I brought this up with my parents and my dad suggested that I should let my brother live there and get myself a new apartment, he said I should look for a bigger place because my brother makes less money and he could afford my place and I could find something better. But I don't want a bigger apartment. I have no plans to have a family or partner where I would need anything more than one bed room. And I put so much work in to personalizing my apartment that this feels so unfair. My parents said I'd be an asshole for both, kicking my brother out now for staying over and not giving him the place. Is that true? Edit with some additional info: My brother does not pay rent to me, he used to stay here for only a couple of days but it's been turning into weeks. **Edit 2: May 9, 2023 (2 days later)** I did contact my landlord as of today, she hasn't responded yet but she's nice so I hope she'll understand my situation. Also, additional info - I didn't know my parents or my dad would react like this. I thought he'd help me talk to him, we don't have a bad relationship. I am trying to figure out why he thinks my brother should have my apartment too, but my dad hasn't been responsive since that conversation. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Does he even pay for utilities or food? Did he with your parents?* "It's been a while since I asked but I think he paid a bit of rent to my parents. He doesn't pay for anything when he stays here." "We have different diets so he doesn't want to eat what I eat (I'm vegan) and buys takeout for himself when he stays but he doesn't grocery shop or anything. Given I've never asked that of him." *More info:* "I tried talking to my brother but he keeps claiming that he isn't staying and that it's only for a few days or weeks but he keeps brining clothes and his personal stuff recently he's been clearing out a space in my closet for himself. My dad helped me move in so we talked openly about rent and stuff." *People point out the toxicity of the family dynamics:* "I mean you're not wrong. I'm realizing that the more I read the comments. It hurts to realize but yeah they're screwing me over. My brother always had an excuse for not finding a place. He mostly claims the current market makes it near impossible. But I understand that those are all part of his excuses. I know I come across as someone with no backbone from all my comments but I genuinely am overwhelmed with everything going on." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13jym58/aita_for_not_moving_out_of_my_apartment_so_my/)**: May 17, 2023 (10 days later)** Hi, first I wanna say thank you for all the encouragement in the comments of my last post. It took me longer to deal with this than I expected but finally, I think I found a solution. Several people asked for an update so here it is: I attempted to talk to my father again but at this point I am assuming that a lot of the comments were right about them just wanting ME to deal with my brother in their place. I took time off my work schedule to pack his shit together and waited for him to crash here after work again (since I still needed the key back). Looking back, probably not the best move, but I was stressed and tired. It was an awful fight but it did end with him eventually leaving my apartment and returning my keys. The reason I didn't get the locks changed is because my landlord reminded me that this could be very expensive - and she wouldn't cover the cost for me. It's been several days and my brother has not contacted me since, nor attempted to enter my apartment. I am still considering changing the locks and might do so soon with my landlords permission and covering the cost myself. But it seems I have my space back. The thing that really bothers me is how my relationship with my parents suddenly suffered so much from this. My initial reaction when I asked them to help me throw out my brother, and my dad responding with the apartment switch was that they couldn't be serious - apparently they were. My mom did talk to me this week and said since I am on good terms with my landlord I could figure something out - its completely ridiclous and almost comically evil at this point. I told her that that's not how renting a space works... I don't even know if this is pure entitlement or ego - doesn't matter though, I decided to lower contact with them over this, until they find out what they did wrong. Regardless if they do or don't, my family are not the main characters of my life and I am done with being a doormat to them. It took some encouragement to stand up for myself and I wanna thank everyone who gave it to me :)

AITA for not moving out of my apartment so my brother can have it?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13qagjc/aita_for_not_moving_out_of_my_apartment_so_my/

13qgrco

DISCLAIMER: i am not OP! originally posted by u/body_by_art in r/entitledparents TW: >!attempted kidnapping, racism, stalking, attempted poisoning, animal death, breaking and entering, attempted murder by proxy!< [**ORIGINAL POST**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/ayvxoi/entitled_mom_tries_to_steal_my_baby_gets_what_she/) (posted march 9, 2019) This happened when my daughter was about 4 months. Lets meet the wonderful and not so wonderful cast. Me- Me BB- Daughter EM- Entitled mom beast EB-Entitled mom beasts spawn (5 ish?) Setting: Local Coffee Shop One afternoon after our mommy and me Yoga class (I know sounds dumb, but a great way to meet mommy friends), Me and BB decided to get a coffee and catch up. Well I would get coffee, she would get that sweet sweet booby milk. Well BB, lightweight that she is, passes out after that boob milk. I decide to be wild and get that second cup of coffee. Im drinking my second cup of coffee when a wild EK and EM appear. EK: AWWWWW a babayy. I smile but go back to reading the news and sipping my coffee. When I look up EK is trying to pick up my sleeping baby!!! I Panicked, obviously. Me: *yelling No no no no* EM: oh she wasnt hurting her. EK: *whining* I want to hold the babbaaayyyy Me: Shes Sleeping, and your too little to hold her honey, shes heavy EM: oh just let her hold her. EK is very mature. Me: Shes not a baby doll. No EM: You dont have to be a b\*tch. Me: Excuse me?!?! During this time EK tried to pick up BB and woke her up. So BB starts crying. I pick her up and start hushing her. Me: now see what you did? Leave us alone.EM: She just wants my daughter to hold her tries to grab BB Me: WTF get awf *turns to keep BB away* BB: *Cries* EM: Just let her hold her *Keeps trying to steal baby* Me: Help open hand punches her in the nose At this point the coffee shop employees jump in, and pull her away. One of them says that they called the police. EMs nose is bleeding. EK is sobbing. I kinda feel bad for the kid, shes pretty little, but her mom should teach her better. The employees "ask" us to stay and wait for police EM: good, she assauuulted me and traumatized my child BB is still crying so I give her that boob. EM: SHEESSS EXPOSSING HERSELF TO A CHILD! PEDOPHILE!! I ignore her, and BB finally calms down. The Police came. and asked us each what happen. EM: She EXPOSED HerSeLf to my daughter, and ASsaulted ME! Me: *Scared that I'm going to jail* That isn't true, she tried to steal my baby. I just was protecting her. Luckily the coffee place had cameras, She got arrested for attempted kidnapping. I have to go to court for it next month. ​ edit: thanks for the silver. [**UPDATE - 1**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/b2c55o/em_tried_to_steal_my_baby_im_getting_sued_update/) (posted march 18, 2019) We go to court on April 14th for the criminal charges against EM for attempted kidnapping. I didnt expect to update before then, but then this happened. Me: its-a-me. DG: deliveryman/ disguised guy EM: entitled mom EK: entitled kid Me and BB went to the park this morning, we got back around 11 am. There was a man standing on our porch, looking lost. BB was in her stroller sleeping, i put my hand in my purse, and onto my mace. Me: Can I help you? DG: I'm looking for a \[first name\] \[last name\]. I have a package for her. *he pulls out an thick envelope, it was Cardi B level thicccc* Me: Im her, I can take it. takes the Cardi B envelope. *As soon as it is in my hands, and i sign for it, DG rips off his fake mustache and delivery guy hat. Revealing his REAL identity- a legal intern* DG: cool cool cool. Your being sued by the way... good luck. Yup thats right, I'm being sued by EM. Why would the woman who tried to snatch my baby be suing me? How much damage could I have inflicted? Well... apparently I did 25 thousand USD in damage. In this poor envelope was about 10 million pages detailing how she is suing me for everything that is wrong in her life. Apparently I had broken her nose so shes suing me for not only related medical bills, but she also wants me to pay for them to fix her pre existing toad nose. Oh and of course "emotional" damages to her and her child. Apparently EM has anxiety and depression because of ME. EK has PTSD from the indecent. Finally I'm also being sued for "slander and character assassination" because how dare I say she tried to steal my baby... Ofcourse at the end she said she would be "willing to settle out of court if I would drop the criminal charges" Well I took that letter to my lawyer and he said the judge would laugh her out of court, especially if the criminal trial goes in our favor, which is basically guaranteed. So I WILL be seeing her in court on April 14th, and I will see her again in July for the civil case! Edit: Thanks for the gold my dude [**UPDATE - 2**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/bf3ng1/em_tried_to_steal_my_baby_goes_to_court_update/) (posted april 20, 2019) Firstly, thanks everyone for the support and love. I can't wait to tell BB about all of this when she gets older. Wednesday we found out the verdict on EM. TLDR at end. So lets meet the cast: J: Judge EM: entitled mom ED: Entitled Dad EK: Entitled Kid Jury: the Jury P: ProsecutorEL: EMs lawyer Me: me Mr: My darling husband Scene: This chapter opens April 15, 2019, Approximately 9:30 am. We are at our local court house. Me and Mr had dropped of bb at his mothers. I had considered bringing her and breast feeding while EM was on the stand, just to irritate her, But I didn't think a 8 month old would be able to sit quietly for that long. Instead I brought my 384 month old husband. We went to the courthouse, and I will admit I was nervous. We took our seats behind the prosecutor, and we were chatting with her. EM enters with the her lawyer, and if looks could kill, I would be dead. The judge and jury enter, and we are ready to get started. As we are getting started the judge is interrupted by ED and EK entering the courtroom, in possibly the nosiest way to enter a room. Disclaimer: these were 3 very long, very stressful days, so I will be paraphrasing a lot. J: EM you are charged with attempted kidnapping, first degree assault, disturbing the peace, and disorderly conduct. how do you plead? EM: Your honor, I am one hundreeeddd percent innocent, In fact I am outraged that i stand accused of wrong doing. I am a proud american and the biggest supporter of these proud, fair and just... J: *looking already done with her shit* Please sit down EM: *shocked* B-But J: now EM: *sits* J: We will now proceed to opening statements, Prosecutor? P: *lays out the case. Succinctly explaining that EM was a dangerous woman, who attempted to rip a small baby from its mothers arms.* EM: *screaming* No NO no ThAt iSnT TRuE J: EL tell EM to be quiet, P continue P: there is clear, indisputable evidence that EM is guilty on all counts.... The Prosecutor wraps up his opening statement in under about 5 minutes, explaining that the whole situation was caught on tape, and that the evidence will speak for itself The defenses opening statement was about 40 minutes long. He gave this creatures whole life story. She couldn't **possibly** be guilty! She was your typical suburban soccer mom, president of her HOA, active in her church. BLAH BLAH BLAH. Apparently because the statements established character they weren't off topic enough to make the judge tell EL to shut up and sit down. EL talked so long that after they concluded, the judge dismissed us for the day. We come back the second day, and before the trial start my husband goes and grabs us a cup of pure caffeine from a booth in the courthouse. He's putting his creme and sugar in it, when ED approaches. ED: hey man, how are you doing? Mr: Fine... ED: This whole mess is crazy Mr: Yup... ED: look man, what will happen to my daughter if her mom goes to jail. Its not good for a kid. Mr: Yeah thats rough, Sorry ED: well you **could** tell your wife to drop the charges, you know, do whats best for the kids. Mr: yeah, I'm not gonna do that. ED: c'mon man be reasonable Mr: If your wife was reasonable, we wouldn't even be here. ED: fuck you n\*\*\*\*er Mr: get out of here man walks away the second day of court starts. Prosecution lays out the evidence, including the tape, calls witnesses, and all that prosecution stuff. When the prosecution calls witnesses the the defense also gets to ask them questions. They were trying to cast doubt on all of the witnesses, i guess to make it seem like it was all a witch hunt against entitled mom. Finally it was my turn to testify, and be questioned. I told my story for the prosecution, then this foolishness ensued... EL: It seems like you were the first to raise your voice, would you say that is accurate? Me: I suppose so EL: So that would make you the instigator Me: I dont thin- EL: *cuts me off* You claim that EM assaulted you Me: Yes EL: Did EM strike you at any point during this altercation? Me: well not exactly "strike" EL: did you strike EM at any point? Me: Yes,but it was to- EL: the jury will notice that this woman has admitted to not only being the instigator, but also the aggressor in this situation. After the prosecution lays out their evidence, it is the defenses turn. It is at this point EM takes the stand. EM tells her twisted version of events. According to her, her daughter had seen my baby and had approached me to tell me how beautiful BB was. In response to this totally innocent interaction, I began verbally **abusing** EK. She attempted to calm me, but this back fired. When I violently snatched up BB, she **couldn't help but notice that it was** "very unlikely" that BB was mine. Seeing an unstable woman, snatching up an innocent, probably kidnapped BB, EM just had to intervene. When she did I viciously attacked her. So day three is verdict and sentencing. On the charge of attempted kidnapping, the jury decided that there was not enough evidence to conclude that she wanted to kidnap BB - not guilty. On the charge of assault, the jury was not convinced by her lawyers attempts to demonize me- Guilty. Disturbing the peace, and disorderly conduct, the tapes and witnesses lead to a guilty verdict. Now we get to the part you all have been waiting for SENTENCING! EM was sentenced to 18 months of probation, 40 hours of community service, 30 hours of anger management, and $730 in fines. This all goes on her criminal record and if she violates her probation, or does not do what is required, she will spend those 18 months in prison. While I know many of us were hoping for jail time, I am satisfied with this outcome, and I think it is fair. We left feeling pretty good, we have to go back to court in a few months for the civil case. [**UPDATE - 3**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/d1j1go/em_terrorizes_me_for_months/) (posted september 9, 2019) Previously on how did my life become so bat-sh\*t INSANE (yes this is an update): i took my infant daughter out for our weekly coffee date, while there an EM with her daughter appeared, and tried to grab my baby. She left with a broken nose and some criminal charges. I left with BB (my daughter) and a ridiculous lawsuit. Me and my husband go to her criminal court trial and her husband says some racist BS to my husband. Shes is found not guilty on most of her charges, and is sentenced to probation and some therapy. Episode whatever in this melodrama (this is the new stuff): The civil case was supposed to be on July 9th, but the case was dropped. I was so happy! After months of this crap, I was ready to put all of this behind me and move on with our lives. I don't know why I was so naive. I should have known that a crazy EM like that would not give up so easily. One Evening on my way back from our mommy and me Yoga class, I noticed a woman parked across the street from my house. I thought it was EM but I brushed it off, thinking that I was paranoid because all of this started after one if our classes. I took BB inside and got her settled. When I looked out the window, the car was gone. I went about my business, until Saturday. The weather on this particular Saturday morning was gorgeous, So i decided to take BB to the park. It was still early, about 9 am. That car was parked on my street again, but this time it was empty. We walked to the park, and were there for about 30 mins before I noticed the same car, again empty. I know it was the same car because of the hideous seat covers (pink leopard print). I was a little on edge, so i gathered up BB and started to leave. Then I seen her, she was about 15 feet away from us, and it was definitely EM. EM was there but her daughter was no where in sight. I was starting to worry that she had moved on to my street. When I got home, it was empty, which is normal, because my husband likes to go to the gym a little later on Saturday. I got BB a snack, and called my neighbor/ friend. I asked her if she knows if anyone moved on to the street lately. She didn't think anyone did. Neither of us had noticed any sign of a move in either, not that we pay especially close attention. I told her about seeing EM, we both decided that it was probably a coincidence. We chatted for a little while, until it was time for BBs nap. As soon as I finished putting her down, and went down the stairs, my husband came in. It calmed my nerves to see him. Atleast until we had this conversation. Husband: Were you expecting someone this morning? Me: No, why? H: I thought I heard someone knocking on the door this morning, but by the time i got downstairs, they were already gone. Right away I was on edge. I thought about that empty car. Even if it wasnt EM, why would someone just knock and leave like that? I told my husband about seeing EM, and decided that it could be a coincidence, or it might not, so we will keep an eye out and the police on speed dial. Every thing was normal for a few days, but then I seen the car again. This continued for about a week to two weeks. I would see the car, and then it would be back a few days later. It would be at different times, and places. I began to feel paranoid, like I was being watched all the time. One day I tried to confront her, but she drove away. At the two week mark, I decided that I had had enough and would go to the police station the next morning. And that is exactly what I did. The police handled everything just like I thought they would. By that I mean that they treated me like a crazy person and told me that a car being on a public street is not a crime, and since no threats had been made there was not much that they could (or would) do. It was a great waste of time for everyone. About two days later I was leaving for work when I noticed that all 4 of my tires had been slashed. The next weekend I was working in the garden while BB played next to me. I noticed a little blue green pellet that I immediately recognized. It was Rat Poison. I was outraged that the city would just throw poison into people's lawns. What if BB would have eaten it, I also have a cat who could die if they ate a poisoned rat. (luckily hes an indoor cat) I was bitching to my neighbor, ready to turn into a Karen myself, when he told me two things that turned my stomach and left me gagging. 1. No one else has, or has ever found Rat poison pellets in their yard. 2. When the city does rat control, they only but poison in the rat burrows. I wouldn't have them just randomly in the yard. I was horrified. My daughter could have eaten one of those. I called the police non emergency line, and told them what was happening, and again I was dismissed. My daughter could have died and they acted like NBD. I was told they would "look into it" and that was that. Im just going to list some of the things that happened over the next few weeks: My garden was torn up,by a person, who literally just ripped up handfuls of flowers. I saw that car 15 times. "Someone" set up an automatic "wakeup call" for my phone at 3 am Once i figured out how to get the Auto calls to stop someone would call me and hang up, up to 3 times a day. I would block the number and a new number would call. We went away for a few days, while we were gone I received a photo text from outside of my house with the message "see you soon". I immediately rushed us home, and when we got there," someone" had thrown a rock through my window. This was the last straw for me, i rushed into momma bear mode. I took my daughter to my mother's, and my husband went to the store and picked up some security cameras. We called the police, took photos, and looked for our cat (he was hiding under our porch). My husband set up the cameras, and I filed for a emergency protection order. In my state when you file for one of those they go into effect immediately, and there is a hearing later to determine if it will be permanent and all that. Things calmed down for a few days, and I brought BB home. I thought maybe the order would keep EM away, because if she broke it, she would violate her parole, and spend time in jail. AGAIN I underestimated crazy. Im gonna put a **TRIGGER WARNING** for the rest of this paragraph, because this is so fucked up, so just be warned. If you arent ready, skip to the next paragraph. One evening I came home from work and picking up BB, and I walked up to the door. One my porch there is a black, mostly empty garbage bag. BB was still sleeping from the car ride, so i put her inside the house, and came back out. I thought it may have been my husband, being careless. I thought it could have been trash, or dirty gym clothes, or something that he was going to donate, or whatever. So I looked inside. Before any conscious thought registered, I was gagging from the smell of decomposition. Inside that bag was a dismembered cat. It was warm, possibly from the summer heat. I immediately panicked. I went back inside, crying, calling and searching for our cat. In my emotional state I had woken BB and she was screaming and crying too. Our cat was up in our bedroom, taking a nap, and very much alive. I was so overwhelmed by emotions. I was happy that our cat was ok, but that didn't stop the panic attack that followed. I called my husband, hyperventilating as our BB continued to cry, and told him to get home, NOW. Luckily he was already on the way. My husband called the police on his way home, and they arrived soon after he did. They took photos and watched the security camera footage. The cameras clearly showed EM leaving the bag on my porch. We gave the police the footage, and the bag. I took BB to my moms again, I was going to stay too, but I had to clean up my house. The bag leaked on the porch, and in my panic i tracked it through the house. Me and husband returned home, cleaned up. I also had to have another melt down. We stayed at my moms overnight. In the morning I had a meeting with the police so my Mom stayed with BB, and Husband went to work. The police took my statement, and let me know that they were already working with a judge, and expected to pick up EM by tonight or tomorrow. I was just ready for this all to be over, I felt powerless. While I was in the meeting, my mother texted me to pick up some teething gel for BB, and some toys. So I stopped by the house. I grabbed an extra change of clothes for everyone, and the stuff for BB. While Im in BBs room I look out the window, it faces the back yard, I see EM in out shed, rummaging around. I flew into an immediate rage, and was already half way down the stairs before i stopped myself. I went back into BBs room and called the police. I told them that someone was breaking in. While i was on the phone EM walked up and tried to open my backdoor. It was locked so idk what she thought turning the handle would do. I crept downstairs. I went into my kitchen. I looked out the window and EM was walking towards my back door again. So i moved over and stood against the wall and the back door. I thought she was going to try the door again, but instead she broke my window. Instinctively, i grabbed the closest thing off the counter. She looked into the door, and I hit her with it. She fell back and her nose was bleeding again. Apparently I hit her with a dirty baking tray. She got up and i raised the tray again, but she started to run the other way, around to the front of the house. Just as she made it to the front yard the police were getting out of their cars. I opened the front door, tray in hand, just in time to hear this: EM: Thank god you got here in time, some one broke into my home and attacked me. Get in there and shoot her. There she is now, and shes armed! SHOOooT her!!! When she screams and pointed at me the cop immediately pulled his gun at me. I immediately dropped the tray and freeze up, I really thought he was going to shoot me. The cop lowers his gun. Another Squad car pulls up and two more officers start getting out of the car. There are a total of 4 cops in my yard, and I'm still frozen. EM: wHaT ARe yOu dOIng? sHOoOt HeR!! Cop 1:Ma'am I need you to calm down. Another cop walks up and goes to (grab?) My arm. I pull away on reflex. Me: This is my house. EM: Shes lying. Look at me, she clearly attacked me. Me : because you broke my window and were coming in! EM: HoW DaRE YoU, I hAVe liVed Here for YeArs!! Me: You lying bitch. I must have moved towards her because the cop next to me grabs me by the arm. Ill be honest, i wasn't thinking really clear. Me: let me go, this is my house! EM: (starts crying) See SHes Crazy, thank god you came when you did. Cop 1: its ok, ma'am, follow me to the squad car so I can take your statement. Two cops go with her to the car, and two stand with me on the porch. Im shocked, and freaking out, but I start to think clearly again. Me:This is my house. Cop 2: Ok? Me: I can prove it (finally not being an idiot) Cop 2: Ok? Me: My purse is inside by the stairs, my license is in there. Cop 2 nods at cop 3, and cop 3 goed inside and comes back out with my purse. She goes through it and pulls out my license. Cop 2 and 3 nod at each other. Cop 3 walks down into the yard, and waves cop 4 over. They talk for a moment and cop 4 goes back over to 1 and Em, 3 returns over to me. Cop 3: were sorry miss, cop 4 pulled up the police report from yesterday, I'm sorry about the stress, at least she was caught in the act \[blah blah blah\] While cop 3 was talking to me, cop 4 was talking to EM I'm not sure what was said, but EM turned even paler than she is, and tried to run away. She didn't get far, and ended up eating pavement. A few minutes later I was giving ANOTHER statement, and EM was glaring at me as she was driven away. After I gave my statement, and the cops took a few photos, the cops left. I called my husband home again. He stayed and cleaned up, and had to board up our window. We stayed at my moms for another 2 days. We didn't go home until we found out EM was denied bail. In the end she was found to have violated her parole, so she must spend the rest of her sentence in jail. They also added a stalking charge, animal cruelty, and breaking and Entering. I expect that she will be in Jail for a few years at least. I really hope that this is my last update. I am also really grateful that so many people showed concern after my last post. TLDR: This post is an update for a previous post. EM tried to grab my baby, went to court, got probation. She also tried (and failed) to sue me. After all this she proceeded to stalk and terrorize me and my family for several weeks, and will likely spend several years in jail. **REMINDER: i am not the original poster**

Entitled Mom Tries to Steal my Baby Gets what she deserves

CONCLUDED

the-co1ossus

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13qgrco/entitled_mom_tries_to_steal_my_baby_gets_what_she/

13qnar9

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/AverageHungry6981 in /r/povertyfinance ** trigger warnings: >!police!< mood spoilers: >!bummer!< --- &nbsp; [**Teenage son messed up big time and I am afraid of what happens next**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/1332w73/teenage_son_messed_up_big_time_and_i_am_afraid_of/) - 04/29/2023 Throwaway because I’m ashamed to have this linked to my main. My son is 17 and just started driving. He used my car (a Honda Civic) to go to and from school sometimes. I was at home this week when 3 police cars came in our driveway and officers were banging on our door. Turns out my son rear ended a vehicle and drove away. To make it even worse, the driver was a cop in his personal truck. It took maybe 15 minutes from the incident to when they came knocking. The hit truck has no damage. It was a tap at maybe 15mph into his towing hitch. Our Civics license plate is bent and there is some bumper damage. The truck driver filed an insurance claim with our insurance. My son admitted fault. There is also video footage of everything. I am beyond freaked out and haven’t slept since. I scolded my son but there is so much I can do now. He says he freaked out about hitting an expensive new truck and just drove off. I explained how wrong that was. What I am more concerned about is that the driver pressed charges to “teach this kid a lesson”. The cops on scene said it’s up to the other driver if he wants this charged and he chose to. We were told my son will be formally charged on Monday by the prosecutor and possibly arrested. Fleeing the scene of an accident is an arrestable offense here and it carries jail time too. I’m scared shitless. I’m a single mom. I can’t afford to pay lawyers to keep my son out of prison when we barely afford rent, food, and bills. I know my insurance rates will be fucked for years to come. His too probably. What do we do here? Thanks &nbsp; *multiple rule breaking comments trying to "help" OOP get out of the situation, OOP response:* >I don’t mean to be rude to anyone helping here but this is all wrong. As much as I want it to not be true, my son left the scene of an accident. I explicitly said it’s on camera and even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t lie to police to cause more problems. [**Update to my teenage son’s hit & run situation**](https://www.reddit.com/r/povertyfinance/comments/135ro9a/update_to_my_teenage_sons_hit_run_situation/) - 05/01/2023 I really appreciated everyone’s input and words, some good, some bad. We’ve been a ball of stress since last week. He was officially charged with leaving the scene of an accident and fined for failure to maintain speed. I spoke to a few lawyers around town and they all agreed there is zero chance the DA will drop the charge. Our county is very tough on crime and they are campaigning on it. The DA refused any agreement (plea?). They have lots of video evidence from the truck’s front & back dash cameras, a gas station, and an intersection camera. Our focus is to try and get probation instead of jail time. I need to come up with a few hundred for the fine and $1500 for the lawyer. That’s in addition to the insurance rates that will definitely go up. As a kicker, my insurance has “small accident forgiveness” for damages lower than $500. The insurance estimate for the truck’s damaged hitch came out to $504. They also want to suspend my son’s license, so he won’t be able to go to/from any job that isn’t close by. We live in a really spread out area where a car is basically mandatory. I am just so upset with him and his decision making. Trying to keep it together and work our way out of this but it’s frustrating. After watching the video I got even more mad. He clearly realized he hit the truck, then drove around it, and off he went. Ugh! *OOP comments:* >don’t get me wrong, I’m upset about it all, but relieved it’s $500 and not $70,000. The truck was new and expensive. I explained that to my son. Had he totaled that truck, we wouldn’t have had enough coverage. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Teenage son messed up big time and I am afraid of what happens next

ONGOING

GRADIUSIC_CYBER

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13qnar9/teenage_son_messed_up_big_time_and_i_am_afraid_of/

13qnz0r

**Reminder, I am NOT OOP. This was originally posted by** u/letowyn. She posted in r/entitledparents. **Mood Spoiler:** >!Bittersweet? Hopeful?!< **Trigger Warning:** >!Parentification!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/136xvg8/i_believe_my_parents_resent_me_for_starting_my/)**: May 3, 2023** I had somewhat of a revelation this weekend. I’m still processing how I feel about it and considering if I should confront my parents. Anyway, here it is: I believe my parents resent me for starting my own family. I(40m) come from a big family. I’m the 2nd oldest of 9 kids. My older sister, Jane, is just a year older than me. There is a 6-year gap between me and the next sibling, then my mom had a kid every 2 to 3 years. Since Jane and I were the oldest we always helped with the little kids and the chores around the house. In fact, it was common for my parents and other adults to refer to us as “Jane and OP and the kids.” It’s like Jane and I were not considered children, it’s more like we were two other adults living in the house. We were home schooled, so we were home all the time. Part of my “job” is that I would wake up, make breakfast for the kids, then get them started with their school or activities before I started my own schoolwork. Jane would sleep in because she was more of a night owl, and it was her job to help at night with the baby (because there was always a baby.) Jane and I did most of the chores around the house. We took turns either cleaning the kitchen or doing the laundry, of which there was a lot. I did all the “guy” stuff, like mowing the yard and taking out the trash. As I got older, I would delegate some of these chores to my younger brothers, but it was still my responsibility to make sure it got done. Once I was old enough to drive, I would run errands and take the kids everywhere. I can’t tell you how many times I would take the kids to things like playdates or doctor’s appointments. I would often tuck the kids in bed and tell them stories. To me these things were all just normal, but looking back on it I was more like a 2nd dad to the kids than a brother. Jane and I did have a lot of freedom as teenagers to go out with our friends, if the chores were done. We didn’t have cell phones back then, if we wanted to go out we would just tell our parents we were going and they didn’t care, as long as we were back by the next morning. I moved out when I was 20, but I still spent a lot of time at my parents, and one of my younger siblings was almost always at my house. One brother, JJ, pretty much lived with me since he was 14 because he and our mom didn’t get along. When JJ was 17 he got in a wreck and he called me instead of calling dad, because I was just the one who handled those kinds of things. During all of this time my parents always talked about how important it was for Jane and I to help with the kids because they were so busy with their ministry. I can’t count how many times I had to drop what I was doing to take care of something because mom or dad were “counseling” someone. Sorry, I feel like I’m rambling. I hope I have painted an accurate picture of my childhood. Let’s move on. I had not really dated much, but when I was 25 I met and started dating Ann. We fell in love fast, and got married less than a year later. My younger siblings love Ann. She is a great cook and hostess; our house became the hangout spot. My younger siblings started calling her “Mama Ann”, something they still do to this day. We have now been married 15 years and have 2 kids of our own. My mom and Jane did NOT like Ann. Jane and Ann get along ok now, but Ann and my mom do not have a good relationship. I never understood why, but I think I have finally figured out it’s because they see it as Ann having taken me away. As Ann and I focused on our relationship and started a family, I spent less and less time doing things for my parents. My dad liked Ann at first, but over the past few years their relationship has soured. Throughout the years my dad has made comments to me about keeping up my responsibilities. One time he called me about one of the younger kids, who had gotten in a fight with my mom, and said “You better get your brother and change his attitude! It’s not ok how he treated your mom and you are going to make him apologize!” A few years ago Ann and I set some boundaries with my parents, telling them we were not going to raise or discipline their kids. Our home is always open to my siblings, but we no longer let my parents try and use us to “straighten them up”. My parents have not taken this well. About a year ago Ann injured her foot and couldn’t walk for a while. Just as she was getting better, I was diagnosed with kidney disease, which then turned into kidney failure. I’ve had several surgeries, with another one coming in a few weeks. It’s been a rough year. During this time my parents have not only refused to help, they have actively made things harder for us. Things like promising to help with our kids but then canceling at the last minute (usually because something “ministry” related came up.) Recently my sister-in-law (who lives in another state) had a baby, and my mom has been staying with her and helping for the past 6 weeks. My SIL has said that mom is a godsend and is so wonderful. My dad has gone to help every weekend. This hurts me, because my mom wouldn’t give us a single night to help with our youngest when he was born. Anyway, I’m sorry this post has turned out longer than I thought it would. I needed to get some of this off my chest. This weekend I was talking to another sister and telling her how I don’t understand why mom and dad don’t treat me like they do the rest of the kids, even Jane. It’s like I’m not one of their children. And it just kind of hit me that they resent me for getting married and starting my own family and leaving them to raise their own kids. Part of me is relieved to finally realize why they treat me like they do, and part of me is sad. I’m kind of scared about this upcoming surgery, and I really wish I had a parent I could talk to about it. But I don’t feel like I have parents, just some people that I co-parented my siblings with. [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/comments/138luq0/update_i_believe_my_parents_resent_me_for/)**: May 5, 2023:** ***NON-OOP Note: I added the TL;DR at the ending since in OOP's original post to avoid spoilers, since it was at the top of the original post.*** Thanks to everyone who engaged with my last post. It has been therapeutic. This post is a brief update and then I will answer some questions. Update: I spoke with my wife, Ann, about it last night. I said something along the lines of "I've realized that my parents resent me for starting my own family and not helping them as much, and that is why they treat me so differently. And I think you've been trying to gently tell me this for years but I was too dense to get it." We were sitting in the bed at the time, and she leaned over and patted me on the head and said, "You are SO pretty." I laughed for like 10 minutes, it was a great emotional release. A lot of you said she sounds wonderful, and she really is. I just can't express how much I love her. About Jane (my older sister): Jane did get married and start a family, about 2 years after I did. Jane and I had a falling out and didn't speak for several years, but we are ok now, just not very close. Our falling out was more about religion than anything. She is very religious like my parents, while I am not. I am religious and we attend church, but it's not our whole life like it is for my parents and Jane. Younger siblings: The youngest is 22, so they are all adults now. The 2nd to youngest passed away several years ago, so there are 8 of us now. I am very close with all of my younger siblings. They still come hang out at my house all the time, and they are all great aunts and uncles to my kids. All of them, including Jane, are upset with how my parents treated me this past year. Help with my kids: While I am disappointed in my parents for not helping, I do not NEED their help. Ann and I have close friends, plus we both have siblings that help. Ann's parents live far away, but they help when they can. We really are ok and feel very blessed and loved with all help we have received. Therapy: Part of my kidney treatment plan includes access to a therapist, and I love her. She has been great in helping me learn to live with an illness. I'm not sure if she is the right person to speak with about my parents, but I will ask her and see if she can refer someone if not. I will wait until after my surgery to bring this up, as I need to just focus on that right now. Setting boundaries: When I say my parents won't help, it's not that they say they won't help, it's that they offer to help and then either bail at the last minute or they change the plans so much that it causes Ann and I a lot of stress. A few months ago Ann was sick and my mother offered to pick our kids up from school. It's a long story, but she kept changing things and making it very complicated and my youngest ended up being left alone for a little while and he got scared. After that, I had a harsh talk with my parents and told them how disappointed I was in them, and how I needed to focus on my health and they were making things worse. I told them they are not allowed to take my kids anywhere, and they are not allowed to just drop by at my house, and in fact they were not even allowed to offer to help (because my mom doesn't take no for an answer and will nag until she wears me down.) My parents were mad about this but all 7 of my siblings took my side and rallied about me, and so my parents have respected that so far. Going no contact: A lot of people recommended going no contact. I don't want that. I still love my parents, even though they have not been great parents. My kids love them too, and I don't want to take that away. They are good grandparents (when they show up). I don't think my parents are awful people, I think they had this vision of how they wanted to have this big family and this big ministry and I think they just didn't realize the responsibilities they put on Jane and I. I have spoken to them in the past and expressed how it was messed up that they put so much on us as kids and they have apologized. Putting my parents on blast at their church: Several people recommended going to their church and telling people how they have treated me. You don't understand this church, they would praise my parents for putting God and the ministry above everything else. These super-religious people are crazy. I guess that's it for now. My surgery is in less than 2 weeks, so I'm going to focus on that. I'm going to put this thing with my parents on the back burner and later I will decide what, if anything, I'm going to do. Thanks again to everyone for your comments, it has really helped me work through some feelings. ***Non-OOP Note: I'm flairing this as concluded since OOP said he will put this on the back burner, and might update, but not certain. In any case, OOP's issue is resolved: He realized the reason behind his parents's actions and has come to accept it. I wish all the best of luck to OOP and his amazing wife, and their children.*** **Reminder, I am NOT OOP.**

OOP's parents resent him for starting his own family

CONCLUDED

HygorBohmHubner

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13qnz0r/oops_parents_resent_him_for_starting_his_own/

13r7cno

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** [u/woodworkerdaughter](https://www.reddit.com/user/woodworkerdaughter/). She posted in r/tifu and r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warnings:** >!death of a parent, internet death threats!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful happy ending!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x8a9sk/aita_for_wanting_my_mom_and_brother_to_stop/)**: September 7, 2022** Me (15F) and my brother's (22M) dad passed away when I was around 4. Growing up it always seemed like my Mom and brother had special connection I didn't share because they remembered my dad and I didn't really have many memories of him. It would annoy me sometimes when they would talk about him and ask me if I remember certain things when obviously I don't so I feel left out. They stopped doing that so much when I told them it bothered me though I could tell it made them upset. That stuff was just annoying I guess but the thing that feels unfair is we have this big piece of wood with my brother's baby picture cut into it, made by my dad who was a pretty good artist and did woodworking as a hobby. It's the first thing most people notice when they come to our house because it's big near the front door and does look fancy, like its from a museum or something. So whenever anyone even my friends comes its the first thing they see and talk about and then my mom will start talking about how my dad starting making it nights when he was staying up with my baby brother and take out pictures of him making it or posing with my brother with it and stuff. There are some sketches of me made by my dad before he died hanging up but there's nothing that big or eyecatching so my brother's picture always gets all the attention. I told my mom I wish she would take it down or move it away from the front door so visitors won't be oohing over my brother's portrait all the time but she said it was petty of me to want to hide away such a precious memento our family had of my dad. My brother was visiting recently before going back to college and he and my mom starting asking me if I remembered how my dad made those sketches of me to prepare for a second wood carving before he died. I guess I kind of snapped and I screamed at them to stop rubbing it in my face that I would never get a nice wood carving like my brother and never got to know our perfect father. I locked myself in my room and later when they were gone I went out and tried to break the carving, it was too solid, so I left the house and threw it in a neighbor's trash can. Then I went to my aunt's house, she could tell I was pretty upset so she asked me what happened and I told her. She got really angry at me and made me go find where I threw away the carving. It's pretty damaged and dirty now. Right now I'm still at her house. Normally she's on my side when I complain about things being unfair so the fact that she's upset at me makes me think maybe I really am very wrong, but I just am tired of things not being fair. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown it away but I think my family triggered me by talking about my dad again. So tell me AITA here. **Update: (Same post, same day)** I started panicking when some of you said my family might never forgive me for what I did. Luckily my aunt is here to calm me down and she's already texted my mom to let her know what happened and she says the carving is damaged but probably not permanently. She also went through the responses with me and helped say them in a less harsh way so I understand what everyone is telling me. Lots of you said life isn't fair and that's exactly what she says to me all the time too, just in a nicer way I guess. I guess hearing it in a harsh way from reddit is good to balance out how gentle she usually is when telling me stuff. I'm going to do my best to apologize to my mom and brother, see if we can fix the carving, and deal with my feelings about my dad in a better way. ***OOP is voted YTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13kqwqt/tifu_by_trashing_a_treasured_family_memento/)**: May 18, 2023 (8 months later)** This is another story that happened a while ago (actually almost a year) but it took a bit of time for the full scope of the TIFU to emerge. The background is my dad died when I (16F) was very young, so I have no memories of him. My mom and my brother, who is 7 years older than me, of course have many fond memories of my dad. I often felt left out when the two of them would reminisce about my father, the way they would phrase it would be something like "Dad was always doodling in his sketchbook, do you remember his sketchbook?" I would feel left out and and like I was disappointing them by not being able to remember. Anyway sometime when I was 13 I basically told them to shut up about my dad all the time and there were much less conversations about my dad. None of us really understood then why the way we were communicating was so broken and hurtful for everyone. This was fine for a bit over a year until my dad came up again and this is the day I FU. So my dad was a really good artist and amateur woodworker. Around the house my mom hung up sketches he made of us as kids. Also hanging up is his masterpiece, this amazing wood carving he made that's a portrait of my brother as a baby. It really looks incredible, very solidly built (this is important later) and looks like it's from a gallery. My mom had this hanging up right at the front, it was the first thing people see and comment on when they came in, and my mom would start talking about how my dad was really into art and woodworking and would made sketches of his kids when he was staying up at night to put us to sleep. It would happen all the time even with my friends, and this would annoy me and made me feel excluded again. So the day I FU, my brother was home from college and he said "hey you know that woodcarving of me that dad made?" and my mom said "you remember how your dad was always making sketches of you?" Anyway at that point it felt like they were rubbing it in so I snapped, screamed at them to stop making me feel like shit for forgetting our perfect father, and went to my room. I was really emotional and later when they left the house I grabbed the woodcarving of my brother off the wall and... broke it in half on the ground. Or at least I *tried.* Luckily it was carved out of a really solid piece of wood or this would be an even bigger FU. So failing to destroy it, I settled for throwing it in a neighbors trash can. Then I went to my aunt's house whose always been someone I trust and cried to her about the whole thing. She was sympathetic but she made me get the carving back out of the trash and explained to me that my reaction was very wrong, and texted my mom to let her know I was OK. Then I made a post on [AITA](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x8a9sk/aita_for_wanting_my_mom_and_brother_to_stop/) about the whole situation and people were *incredibly* savage. I mean not undeservedly so in the comments maybe, but I actually got like a borderline death threat in the PMs. Luckily my aunt was there to go through the responses with me, she would generally explain why people were saying that stuff to me and rephrase it in a gentler way so I could see where people were coming from. It's a good thing she was there because otherwise I don't think I would have processed what people were saying. And then the scope of the FU became even clearer later. It turns out that my brother was trying to tell me he had a surprise for me. He knew my dad was always planning on making a second woodcarving of me, that's what the sketches were for, and he knew I felt left out not having one of my own. So he's taken it up as a hobby himself and he used the shop at his school to make a carved portrait of me, based on one of dad's sketches. They were trying to give me the gift when I flipped out and they felt bad about making me upset so they didn't know how to explain it after. In the end my aunt helped us clear everything up and we figured out a few things: 1. My mom and my brother started talking me about dad again, but learned not to "quiz" me about him as if they expect me to remember. I sometimes feel sad hearing about someone I'll never know directly, but in a good way because it's nice to hear about someone who loved us so much. I can get to know him through my family's memories, and I know that they're trying to include me and not exclude me when they talk about him. 2. My mom wanted to put the woodcarving of me my brother made next to the one of my brother that dad made but my brother said they don't really match. My brother says he's still a beginner at woodcarving so his style isn't the same as dad's. I think mine looks great too, it's just like a different style - more etching like a coin than deep 3D carves like a statue, I guess. My brother doesn't want me to feel like it stands out as different next to the one dad made though. So my mom alternates which one she hangs up at the front, usually it's mine because she says she's balancing out for lost time. Also she makes sure mine is the one in front if it's my friends coming over. When it's not there, I keep it in my room. My brother says he's going to keep learning woodcarving so he'll give me another version in the future that's more in dad's style but I really like the one I have now. It looks like something my brother made, based on art my dad made, so it's like I have a gift from both of them. 3. As for the memento I almost destroyed, sadly there was some damage. We were able to clean it up and fortunately the damage isn't so much on the actual portrait portion of the wood, just a lot of dents and chips to the edges and corners and stuff. I feel really bad about that but mom still likes to display and put it up and said that this way it looks more vintage and like I've made a contribution to this woodcarving too. I guess the TLDR is I permanently damaged my family memento, got a bunch of hate mail on reddit when I ran there for support, and spoiled my brother's very thoughtful attempt to give me a gift. Fortunately my aunt was there to keep all of us from doing anything permanently stupid.

TIFU by trashing a treasured family memento because it made me feel excluded, and then asking reddit for their opinion about it

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13r7cno/tifu_by_trashing_a_treasured_family_memento/

13rnblv

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/throwawaynoisecancel **AITA for wearing noise cancelling headphones when our baby is crying?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13bi2pc/aita_for_wearing_noise_cancelling_headphones_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 8, 2023** Forward: I'm pretty certain I'm the asshole, family agree I'm in the wrong, but one friend is saying I'm not. Also even if I'm not the asshole, my wife isn't either, she's an incredible mum, amazing wife, and the love of my life. Me (33M) and my wife (30F) have a little baby (0.25F) who for the mostpart is a chill and happy little thing who makes our world shine. But as with any baby she cries and sometimes a lot. I'm diagnosed autistic and as a result have some pretty severe sensory issues particularly around sound, and particularly when I'm tired. I have noise cancelling headphones which are a godsend so I started wearing them when I found her crying too overwhelming, particularly when I get up at night with her. To clarify, I can still hear her crying and I don't put them on so I can ignore her crying. Quite the opposite, I wear them so I can hold her without feeling overwhelmed. Also it's just her being a baby, not a medical thing. Most of the time she's a joy, I love our 2am feeds when it feels like nobody else in the world is awake except us, enjoying the stillness and solitude. I love her so much. My wife hates it and has asked me to stop. She said that being a parent involves having to cope with the bad stuff, it's what we signed up for and that it's important not to block out her crying so I can feel what our daughter is feeling. She also said that it probably scares our daughter to see her dad with stuff on his head when she's at her most distressed. What she said makes a lot of sense so I stopped wearing them and handled the resulting meltdowns afterwards. But when I was talking to a friend he said that's an unreasonable demand, I'm not a bad dad and my needs with my disability matter too. TLDR; AITA for wearing noise cancelling headphones when my daughter is crying to manage sensory issues? **VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE** **RELEVANT COMMENTS** AlisonBourque128 >The Baby could need some thing what if it was choking or needing a nappy changing if you do t change it it could get an a infection you are sad OOP replied >I can still hear her, and I only wore them when I'm physically holding her with eyes on her the whole time. . SourNotesRockHardAbs >INFO >Does your wife really understand your autism? You having it increases the chance that your kid might have it too. Has she considered that normalizing autistic accommodations might make your daughter's life easier later? >I'm an autistic mom. I wear headphones all the time. Learn some ASL too and teach it to your baby while they're little. It's been incredibly helpful. OOP replied >For the mostpart she's amazing with my autism, she can pick up on my needs before I can even articulate them into words and respond accordingly but on this she was in the wrong, I might do an update later. >As for sign language absolutely. Over here we have a kids show called Something Special which is insanely popular and uses Makaton throughout (and always has children of various abilities and disabilities as guest stars). Obviously our daughter is too young to understand it but me and my wife love watching it with her and practice the signing. Eventually I'd like to learn British Sign Language too. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13kiw4b/aita_for_wearing_noise_cancelling_headphones_when/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 17, 2023** Thank you to everyone who replied, especially those who took it as advice on coping with crying babies, I hope it brings you some much needed relief. You're doing a brilliant job and please, please remember to look after yourself. The first thing I have to address is my wife is not ableist, far from it. She's been an absolute rock for me through everything. Some examples are she; suggested I get diagnosed before we were even dating, encourages me to stim and indulge my special interests, despite wanting a big wedding she insisted we have a private official ceremony and a party after our honeymoon with scheduled rest breaks for me, she always checks in on me in all social situations and she even bought me the expensive noise-cancelling headphones. I don't deserve her but I'm grateful for her every single day. She's the best part of me. Perhaps because she's been nothing but supportive I automatically believed she was right about me caring for our daughter. But in this particular case she was in the wrong and has said so. She wasn't best pleased I'd asked strangers (I have her consent for this update) but understood why I did and had been thinking it over herself after seeing what it was doing to me. Turns out I wasn't anywhere near as good at hiding my meltdowns as I thought I was. After a lot of talking she said she felt angry and frustrated that (in her view) I was breezing through parenthood while she feels like she's drowning. What really hit me is when she said she feels like a bad mum and a failure. My amazing wife, the best mother I could ever imagine for our daughter, the woman with seemingly boundless love and care felt like she's failing as a mother. I wish she could see herself the way I see her just once. Part of me feels like I've failed her for not noticing how she was feeling, I think I was so caught up in my own joy that I missed her suffering. Obviously we're not in a good place right now but we're going to talk to the health visitor about getting her the help she needs and what's available so she can get better but it sounds like PPD from what we've read. In the mean time I'm going to work from home 2-3 days a week once my manager has sorted the insurance out so she's not alone as much (the plan was for me to take the last 20 weeks of parental leave anyway), I'm going to book a session with my therapist, and the headphones are back. For both of us. She tried them a few days ago and said how much calmer and in control she felt, and how our daughter settles so much quicker. She's probably reading this and finding out that I've ordered her a pair and they'll be here Friday (if you are reading this, I love you). **RELEVANT COMMENTS** bilinksi >this is a great update and everything, but I find it concerning that the wife's first instinct for dealing with her own suffering wasn't to talk about it or acknowledge it, but to essentially say you should be suffering too to her husband. and then take steps to try and make that happen. maybe it's a one-off, maybe it's ppd, but still, that needs to be addressed. it's a super unhealthy pattern to get into. OOP replied >I'd definitely say it's a one-off related to her being unwell, she's such a kind and loving person that I know there was no conscious attempt to be malicious. With the right help and support we'll get through it and she'll be back to the person she really is. . invah >"and the headphones are back. For both of us. She tried them a few days ago and said how much calmer and in control she felt, and how our daughter settles so much quicker." >YES, YES, YES! >A baby's cries can activate our adrenaline - fight or flight responses - so that we can, I don't know, fight off a bear or wake up from a dead sleep. Its* purpose is to get an adult moving to care for and/or protect the baby. >It can be absolute overload on your system to be flooded with stress hormones multiple times a day. >Yes, headphones for ever'rybody. >Edit: >Also, big ups to your wife for recognizing that she was being unreasonable and shifting her perspective. That's awesome and really hard to do. I am so impressed, and I hope she doesn't feel shame around this but empowered that she was (finally) able to hear feedback and adjust. OOP replied >I know she does feel some guilt and shame, she's the kind of person who hates upsetting anyone, but hopefully that will pass. Any distress I felt was very temporary. I'm ok, our daughter is ok and we both want her to be ok. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for wearing noise cancelling headphones when our baby is crying?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13rnblv/aita_for_wearing_noise_cancelling_headphones_when/

13roh31

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/real-chinese-food in r/AmItheAsshole** trigger warnings: >!Domestic abuse, racism, suicidal thoughts!< mood spoilers: >!OOP ends an abusive relationship!< --- &nbsp; [**AITA for cooking my BF's family Chinese food instead of "Chinese food"**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zxolf2/aita_for_cooking_my_bfs_family_chinese_food/?sort=top) - december 28, 2022 I was born in China, but my parents and I moved to the West when I was little, so I was raised mostly "westerner" but my parents still managed to teach me many Chinese traditions, including food, and I sometimes still cook what they cook. So, I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years and he lives with me at my place. This Christmas, his family (Mom, dad, sister and nephew) came to visit him from his birth country (Spain) for the first time in years. I was excited because I never had a chance to meet them in person. They arrived a few days before Christmas, he went to pick them up at the airport while I was working, so when I came home they were already there. The meeting didn't go as well as I would wish, because the little nephew as soon as he saw me started doing the eye stretching thing. He was immediately reprimanded by his mom and grandparents, but the following days he made a lot of racist jokes in Spanish like "What do you call someone who doesn't take a shower, in Chinese? Shin-Shan-PU (without shampoo)" and he was barely reprimanded for that. Besides that, Christmas went great, and the next day we woke up very late. The nephew started saying that he wanted Chinese Food for lunch, so my BF's parents asked me if I could make it, I said sure, I was glad to do it. I cooked something my parents would do in a special occasion like these, and served the table in a very traditional way, with chopsticks and everything. Then I called everybody to the table, and instantly saw their disappointed faces. The nephew said "What's this?" to which I said "Chinese food" he grunted and said "No is not" and started to throw a fit. His mom calmed him down, then BF's parents told me "This isn't what we were expecting" I asked "What did you expect?" and they replied "You know, something like what they serve at restaurants". I tried to explain to them that this is something actual Chinese people eat, but wouldn't listen. They dressed up and went outside to eat at a restaurant. My BF stayed at home, but then called me stupid, he said "You knew exactly what they meant by Chinese food, I'm trying to make YOU look good in front of them, but you're not helping me by playing dumb". I asked him to explain himself better but just shouted "When people say Chinese food the last thing they expect is white rise, get a f*ing clue" and locked himself in our bedroom. Since that incident, they started to speak to me as a toddler, over explaining everything they asked me to do, and stopped correcting the nephew's racist behavior. I tried to tell my BF to tell them to stop, but he said "This is you're making, now they think you're brainless" This continued till they left yesterday. My BF and I now barely talk, and I wonder if it's really my fault and I should have known better. There are some comments made by OOP deleted by the mods. It seems like she was trying to defend her BF when people called him a racist, based on the responses to those deleted comments. **Some relevant comments:** Ok_Job_9417: NTA - they’re from Spain, if you asked them for food from their country and rhen aftwrwards was like no, I wanted the type of stuff you’d get from Taco Bell. They’d lose their shit. (Yes, I’m aware Taco Bell isn’t Spain food. But people do understand that racists lump everyone together right? They would assume OP’s family is Mexican because they ignore every other Spanish speaking country. They also interchange Spanish and Mexican). They’re racist and so is your boyfriend. I’d cut the cord and find someone who can appreciate your culture. ETA: he might not be the full blown cartoon villian racist but he does have some racism in him. His nephew was making racist behavior and he didn’t correct him. He belittled you for not making the “right” kind of Chinese food. Flipping out about serving white rice when it seems pretty standard to have white rice come with Chinese food takeout. It feels like he’s gaslighting you by trying to make this your fault for their racist behavior. He might not have shown you that side before, but he did now. rabidturbofox: Prioritizing the needs and comfort of racists is in itself racist, and OP should remind herself of this. It’s when things get tough that people show you who they really are, and what her boyfriend showed her is that when things get tough, he sides with racists and gets verbally abusive. That’s who he is. Defiant-Turn2471: Does your boyfriend help pay the rent and bills? Does he insult you a lot? Does he often criticize how you do things? Do you ever feel like you need to always cater to what he wants to have peace in the household? Who makes the decisions in your household? Do you both discuss things then decide on what to do or is he the only one making decisions and you are expected to just follow? Did you tell him you did not like the way you were treated by his family and the way he acted? If he still does not realize how wrong he and his relatives were then that should show you what kind of person he is. OOP replies: Id read this and had to go to the bathroom to cry a little. My answer to every single one of those questions might be upsetting for you, I never thought about it and, im just speechless right now. ButWhyThoughhhh quoted an edit on the original post and wrote: NTA "Edit: Lots of you are calling my BF racist, but before this he didn't show any racism towards me, I know sometimes he is rude to some people, but he never before was this rude to me, the only thing I might think of is he motivating me to improve my Spanish while he never did an effort to learn Chinese for me, but I understand that Chinese is hard. Just want to make it clear that he is not a cartoon racist villain." Hun, maybe he's not a cartoon racist but he's a hidden one. He's shown you his true colors now and has created a truly hostile situation while making no attempts to stand up for you. Listen to him, the behavior will only get worse nousernamehere12345: How old was the nephew? I'm so sorry he behaved so terribly and that the rest of the family joined in. And your boyfriend? They're all racist and your boyfriend is, at the very least, unbelievably rude. Even though we've never met I know you deserve better. OOP says: He is 12. &nbsp; [**Update about my boyfriend**](https://www.reddit.com/user/real-chinese-food/comments/11fmjs3/update_about_my_boyfriend/?sort=old) - March 01 2023. Hi, it's me, I'm alive, Im sorry for disappearing for so long. A lot has happened in the last weeks. Sorry if I'm not very detailed, I'm very tired today. For those who already know my story, my boyfriend allowed his family to be racist to me. After his family left, I tried to break up with him, but he wouldn't let me end the relationship, I tried talking to him but he would say something along the lines of "I'm not breaking up with you". I talked to my family about it, they were furious at him and I had their support, specially my father. I'm so glad that they were by my side. I went to my place with my father to confront my boyfriend and break up once and for all. He didn't take it will, shouted that I can't break up with him and he wont end the relationship, that's where my dad intervened and they started fighting, like... fist fighting. My dad ended up being hurt but he also landed some punches on my boyfriend, I was horrified, crying, screaming and with no idea of what to do. My BF then grabbed me, got my purse and took me out, my dad followed me. My keys and phone where in the purse so I couldn't go back in. He locked himself and we started hearing him breaking stuffs. Then dad called the police. They arrived like half an hour later, during that entire time he did hear him breaking stuffs. When the cops finally arrived tried to talk to him but wouldn't respond, so they broke the door and after another fight they arrested him. I walked in my place with another cop and my dad and everything was destroyed. Everything he could break was broken, from glasses to plates to mirrors to holes in the walls, every TV, my computer, my phone, coffee maker, etc. Dad pressed charges immediately. I was terrified, and I'm still terrified. We had a trial and he is in jail now, but I think he might be deported to spain, I'm not sure. I'm still in therapy and still living with my parents. Some of my stuffs were repaid but I'm still not ready to come back home. Sometimes I still wake up crying in the middle of the nigh. I dont know if I regret standing up for myself, or if I will be able to trust people in the future, I might die alone without a husband or children and that makes me sad. I had suicidal thoughts but I find things that make me want to stay alive. I dont know when will I feel good for real, but progress has been made. Oh, and my ex-BF's family are still trying to reach me to insult me and make me feel even worst for sending him to jail. I block them but always find yet another phone number to call me from or a temporary mail address. If you are reading this, thank you. **This is the last time OOP posted, Here are some relevant comments on the update**: barleysully: I’m so incredibly proud of you!! You are a domestic violence SURVIVOR. You and your father stood up to your disgusting abuser and finally got out of that awful relationship. This was so important for your health and safety. You did everything right! I’m so sorry you have had to endure so many terrible crimes. He never should have assaulted you, your father, or your personal items. He is a sorry excuse for a human being. Please be sure you hold nothing back when pressing charges, and ensuring you get back as much as possible and that he goes to jail for as long as possible. Finally, please take care of yourself now. Do things you love. Reach out to friends, pursue hobbies, go to a spa, take a vacation, binge your favorite tv shows. You must live your life to the fullest and never let someone like him in your life again. Be proud of yourself, you are so strong. ❤️ kheinz_57: No, OP, say it with me, “I DID THE RIGHT THING STANDING UP FOR MYSELF!” Your EX is a lunatic along with his psycho family and you are so much better off without them. Please don’t let this prevent you from having a good life. I promise you there are people who will treat you with all the respect you deserve. You made the right choice. And in the future, you will look back and be so proud of yourself for leaving. Waste-Boot-1084: You need to be proud of YOU!! As a victim of DV for my entire childhood, it doesn’t matter when you leave, it just matters that you did. Stay in therapy and be honest with what you’re feeling. I promise these emotions will get easier over time. Celebrate you! Kiyoko_Mami272821: I’m so proud of you! You are a strong woman! It takes a lot to leave and stay away! It’s also very hard to start over but here you are and you have your whole life ahead of you! Never let anyone treat you any less than you deserve! ❤️ **Reminder - I am not the original poster.** Edit: OOP did a post on r/relationships the day after her AITA post because it was removed, but it was kinda the same, this time asking for advice on how to make her boyfriend understand what his family said was not OK, but it was also removed by mods. I didn't include it here because was kinda redundant.

OOP's BF's family attack her for making them "real" Chinese food and BF supports his family.

CONCLUDED

deathmessager

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13roh31/oops_bfs_family_attack_her_for_making_them_real/

13rr6il

##### **I am NOT OP. Original post by u/imnotperfectsowhat in r/twoxchromosomes** trigger warnings: >!emotional, physical, and financial abuse, child endangerment!< mood spoilers: >!hopeful ending!< ### EXTRA REMINDER: Do not participate in the linked threads in any way or message the OOP. **You could be banned by one or both subreddits.** --- &nbsp; **Original Post** - [**My husband parked his truck in front of my car, removed the car seats and refused to let me leave yesterday**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/11qidmv/my_husband_parked_his_truck_in_front_of_my_car/) in r/twoxchromosomes - **March 13, 2023** >>Editor's note: I created paragraphs for readability, but the text is unchanged. Also, OOP adds a lot of details in comments - buckle up. All of this started because I accidentally deleted his meal when ordered food on an app yesterday morning. All of our 3 kids (and us) are very sick with croup and ear infections. My husband woke up in a rage from being sick, hungover and not having smoked any pot because I told him he has to stop smoking in front of the kids. He wanted “caffeine and food” so he could “function.” He put his order on the app and I then did my order and placed it for priority delivery. Unfortunately when I was deleting a meal that I decided I did not want- I deleted his meal off of the app. I didn't realize this had happened until the order had already been placed with priority delivery. I worked up the courage to go and tell him. I said "I am so sorry please don't hate me but I accidentally removed your meal. I can go get in the car and drive to get you the food that didn't get on the order." He starts getting in a rage about the situation. Takes a look at the app and says "why is this so fucking expensive!? You are making us bleed money!" Again I say "I can go get you the order from the actual store, I have some cash in my wallet." He responds "oh YOU have cash in YOUR wallet?!" And laughs at me. He is getting more and more in a rage saying that all he fuckin needed was some caffeine and a stupid fucking broccoli cheddar bread bowl to make him able to function. I have recently asked him to stop smoking pot and drinking in the morning so he can be more present so I'm sure this is partially my fault but also I recognize that this is his addiction issue and not mine to solve.. I have tried everything. I notice his signs of aggression setting in so I take the kids in another room. They're all screaming and crying clinging to me and he rips the baby gate off of the master bedroom door and throws it across the hallway. The master door is already ripped off halfway from him slamming it so many times. I'm in the room with the kids and I decide that croup and all we are not going to stay here with him acting like this. I pack 3 bags with the kids clothes and mine and plenty of diapers since all 3 are still in diapers. The order arrives- bell rings he doesn’t answer. Rings again. He says “GODDAMNNIT” opens door, says thanks, slams door and throws the food on table spilling the drinks. He comes in and says "where are you going? You aren't leaving with my kids." Then he sees I'm packing the bags and says "oh you're packing day bags?! No fucking way." And goes to rip them out of my arms. He twists my wrist while pulling then gives up and drops the bag, and he grabs his keys, rips the car seats out of my Tahoe and throws them in the garage, parks his long bed truck in front of my Tahoe so I can't leave. When he left the house to do this I grabbed my phone and pressed record on voice memo because this is the 100th argument like this over his rage and he always says the worst shit to me about how he will ruin me and take the kids from me. I tell him if he does not move his truck I am calling the police and I have a right to leave. I dial 911 and say "Go move your truck and go put those car seats back in my car right now or I am calling the police. I have a right to leave with my children." He refused and said I am not going anywhere and we can sit here and work this out like adults. I tell him I am done, I want a divorce and I cannot live like this any more. He said that if I divorce him he is going to take everything from me, I will have nobody, I will have no where to go, I will have no kids and I'll never see them again. He claimed to me good luck getting child support because he makes $250k but only claims $70k on his taxes. He said he has evidence against me to take my kids from me and I'll never see them again. He said he is allowed to smoke pot because it's decriminalized. He couldn't remember the last time he had been sober from alcohol just one fucking day when I inquired about it when stating that I want a divorce I've tried everything, I've shed every single piece of myself to make him happy instead of angry and help him be sober and it's never worked. I said "I do not want you. I used to want you, I used to think I could do it but I can't. I said I want an amicable divorce and he can have the kids as much as he wants. He has to be sober when he has them and if he isn't I'll document it. He said that is not how this is going to play out. I said well I don't know what to do but I'm done I cannot live in fear and anxiety any longer. He looked at me, said the typical "well this is a huge wake up call, I'm gonna throw away all the pot, I'll move the beers to the fridge and I'll get sober." I don't remember what I said but I just stopped there and went back to my care tasks. I said I have to breastfeed the baby, she needs a nap please leave me alone. I shut the kids door and got her down for a nap and I didn't see him around, I think he was in the driveway putting the car seats back, but left his truck there. He took a hot bath and read a book called "Man in the Mirror" some Christian men's book I guess. He said it's helping him already. He got on the phone with his sober friend while rolling a joint for "a rainy day" he tried to give all the weed to the other dad across the street who smokes but he didn't want it because he's trying to quit. He left the house to "go buy paintbrushes" and came back intoxicated or high after 2 hrs gone. He started love bombing me, hugging me, touching me, kissing me wouldn't leave me alone I wanted to throw up from anxiety. He forced me to put the ring back on my finger. He drank beer and smoked before bed. I just want someone in my life to love me enough to be sober and kind. To love my kids enough to be sober. I don't want to ruin him, I don't want to destroy him. I just want some peace in my life because I deserve that. I am a mom who does EVERYTHING. if I don't- it won't get done. we have an autistic 4 year old, 2.5 year old and a one year old (today is her birthday). I don't know what to do at this point. I'm broken, I have no job, $200 to my name, tons of bills and no degree. My parents aren't in my life because he made me think they were the problem and I shouldn’t be close with them. We have a beautiful, modest home in the best neighborhood within walking distance to the elementary school. I live on a cul-de-sac with 5 of the best neighbors I've ever had. I've invested so much time into this life with him that I'm thinking I can just stick around and hope for the best but maybe I'm just stressed and emotionally drained. Please help me because I don't know where to turn. >>Relevant comments from OOP and others: u/human-foi-gras gives their perspective > I grew up in a house just like this. Word for word you described my early childhood. The alcohol, drugs, uncontrollable rage and then weeping apologies and broken promises. My mom left just after my 4th birthday. All I remember is screaming, thrown plates and glasses and my dad beating my mother as she cowered over me to take it in my place. I am 35 years old and still in therapy. You need to get your children out. It is your job to put their needs first, and they need to be safe. They are not safe in this environment. When asked if she can stay elsewhere, OOP replied > I can go stay with his mom about 4.5-5hrs away. It’s spring break but my son has to be back in school on Monday. > Well my son is actually truant and for 45 days he cannot miss any more school I recently also had to hire an autism advocate and get my son switched out of his class and into another class because of some laws regarding disability being not upheld. I’m really trying and at a bit of a breaking point To which another redditor said > Part of the reason your son is doing badly is because he’s in a abusive, alcoholic, addict home. He won’t get better until he is out of this dire situation. You need to put your love for your kids first or they will end up as addicts in abusive relationships. OOP seemed to be in denial about the situation: > * It just really sucks because I am sitting here feeling defensive over the entire situation and scanning my post for exaggerations but there just aren’t any. It’s really hard to hear my husband is abusive to me. > * I truly love him and honestly want a family life with him but I can’t do any more than I have done at this point I am broken and tired, empty > * He does not go to church but it’s part of his image > * Maybe I’m just used to it by now and he’s always gone. He’s home for a few hrs in the evening and leaves first thing every morning. I really really don’t want to change things for my oldest and we are all so so sick right now too. Maybe I can ask him to go leave and find somewhere to go until he is in a drug/alcohol program. > * I am not leaving my house. I am a primary caregiver to my 3 children who are 4, 2 and 1. I will not lose this residency and I have documented everything. I am pretending I am ok with his current resolutions, telling him to get into AA and stop the substances. If he has another outburst I am calling the police. > * I grew up with my dad choking my mom, slamming me against cabinets and pulling my hair out. This isn’t physical > * He’s always been angry when things don’t go right. This is the worst event we have had in our relationship I would say. Usually it’s just muttering under his breath and slamming doors really hard and screaming at me. But he’s always been able to go smoke or drink and uses that to calm down. He doesn’t have that any more and that is because of me putting my foot down and saying no more substances in the home. **Mini-updates from OOP's comments in the original post** > * I called a neighbor and told her what’s going on. I called my brother and he’s removing the guns from the house. I called his mom and she knows what’s going on and is on my side. I called a domestic violence shelter and set up a place to go. I packed a bag ready to leave. I threw away all the pot and poured the beers down the sink. I told my husband that if he ever comes home high or drunk or smokes or drinks again to not come home and find somewhere else to live. I have documentation, I will call the police, people know what’s going on and I won’t back down. I am not going to let him act like that I will call the police and he will be arrested. Today is my last baby’s first birthday- I just want some peace today, to eat some cake and put them to sleep in their own beds. I’m not going to stay if things escalate. > * He did it again. He took all the car seats in his truck, shut off my phone and left me alone at the house. I called the police. I’m at my brothers. I have an appointment on Thursday with the shelter to get help. I am at a loss and I feel so so so guilty right now. > * I left. He took the car seats, put them in his truck k and left to fix a mistake I made on our daughters documents. He was so angry with me leaving because I told him to stop slamming things and screaming. He was searching frantically for my keys. He couldn’t find them so he took the car seats, turned my phone off, shut off the WiFi and then he left. I called the police. It took them an hour to show up. When they did show up he had already busted through the screen on a window and got back in the house. I told him I called the police and they were on the way. He became so so calm and went to try and get the car seats out of his truck and back into my car before they got here. I went to video record him and he stopped and pretended to take the trash out. They arrived- got me with the shelter on the phone, took a statement for today and Sunday’s event. The woman cop was so so so nice and helped me without telling me what to do but just giving me “the eyes”. She didn’t say “get the fuck out” verbally but I knew she meant it with the looks she gave me. I packed bags, went to my brothers. As soon as I left he cancelled all my card, drained the bank account and turned my phone off permanently. He’s been texting me to come back with his wife and kids. I got a notification he bought marijuana and had it delivered. I am broken. I have no money but just $200 but that doesn’t matter. The shelter people are gonna help me get food stamps and Medicaid and my kids will be ok. I am an idiot for thinking he was different. The people on the phone at the shelter said this is all typical and exactly what abusers do. I am numb and don’t know what the next chapter is but for now I am not being yelled at and my kids aren’t crying and screaming upset. &nbsp; **1st Update Post** - [**I left my husband after he took the car seats in his truck.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/11rm751/i_left_my_husband_after_he_took_the_car_seats_in/) in r/twoxchromosomes - **March 15, 2023** >>Editor's note: I tried to organize this information roughly in the order it was posted. I know that I updated in a comment on my last post. But I just wanted to let everyone know that I am safe and away from my home. My husband again entrapped me. This time he took the car seats and put them in his truck and left the house. Then he shut off my cards, turned my phone off and shut down the WiFi. I called the police. After an hour and a half waiting for the cops- he showed up and I had locked the doors. He busted through the unlocked window screen and came inside the house that way. When I told him the cops were on the way he looked shockingly calm. Tried to go get the seats out of the truck but I was videoing him outside so he pretended to take trash out. The female officer took my statement and was so sweet and understanding. She didn’t tell me what to do but her eyes said it all. She got her phone so I could call the shelter and they got me scheduled for an appointment with the advocacy group on Thursday. I was able to pack my belongings, as much food as possible and get the fuck out of there. I forgot so much stuff. I was so anxious. He came back inside because he asked to say goodbye to the kids. He was so dramatic and acting like I was psycho making comments like “why are you staring at me” and “dang that’s a lot of food to take for such a short trip.” I stayed calm and asked him not to shut my phone off again and not shut the cards down in front of the cops he agreed not to. As soon as I packed kids and left he drained our checking, made a new checking account, cancelled all of our cards, turned my phone off and texted me through iMessage saying he loves me and this will be a great reset button. About an hour later he had pot delivered to the house. I am so broken, so sad, I feel so stupid. I love this man so much but I have to divorce him. I cannot let him continue to treat me this way. I want some peace and happiness so badly that it hurts. Someone please comfort me with some resources and tips because I can’t sleep sitting here watching bluey way past when the kids went to bed. I am so sick to my stomach and my entire body is feeling the shock of todays happenings. Thank you so much to this community. I couldn’t have done it without y’all. I wouldn’t even be calling this abuse if I hadn’t made that post and heard from each of you. I want y’all to know i read each and every single comment and took it all to heart. Blessings to each of you women from the bottom of my heart. In 20 min it will be a new day here in Texas and my new life will begin. >>Relevant comments from OOP In response to a comment with steps on how to proceed safely, OOP replied > This is the best comment that I could’ve read right now. The actionable steps are helping me stay calm. I see a light on the other side of this comment. I will be ok. He is the one who is doing wrong right now.. not me. I took screenshots of our bank accounts emptied and how he made himself a new card and shut off all my cards and resources to money. It’s so sad that he would let our kids have no money and punish me rather than be a normal person and want me to have resources. I’m realizing he only wanted me to have these things if I was with him. **Mini-update from OOP in comments** Can everyone please help me? My husband just sent me this text and I am utterly confused at this point. He is such a smooth talker. I have absolutely no idea how he knows about the neighbors helping me. :/ “I saw that you brought by your mother and the neighbors yesterday afternoon… sorry that the house was a mess as I left early around 7:30 for work and really wasn’t in a mindset to pick up after everything the day before. I’m genuinely happy to see that this has brought you closer with your parents, it’s a silver lining out of this whole situation. It is disappointing though to see you escalate this whole situation well beyond what is truly necessary with the cops and all of this drama when Marriage Counseling, Church and short term separation are logical progressions that we could’ve pursued. We always said that the best marriages handle their problems with eachother directly - so I really don’t understand why you have the desire to continually “air out dirty laundry” with the whole neighborhood/family when I only speak highly of you to others… some of the twisted truths that I’ve heard you tell people are just flat out lies, dark fabrications or embellished stories to portray the victim when we could all just be honest, forth coming in order to grow from the situation! There is so much potential in our relationship if we just joined together to grow emotionally, mentally and spiritually - but it seems like our growth has stalled by us not seeing eye to eye and carrying hurt from words that have been said in the past in difficult, trying moments. For that I really am sorry. I know that while I have never gotten even remotely physical and hardly raise my voice or call names - arguing or just having a conversation with me can be incredibly exhausting and tiresome. I love how you are emotionally the heart of the home - I really feel that you are my own pulse! But know that when you are frantically anxious, juggling the world on our plates feeling like it’s all going to collapse - I am here in the same boat as your copilot, I feel the same way and really just want to cling to you while trying to be the rock for this family (trying to keep the boat from sinking). As we both continue our paths to TRUE sobriety, I really feel like we will become more in tune with eachother, the kids and God. Daily I feel more present and in tune with my own needs and the needs of our family! With no possibility of erasing the past, I am going to give you and the kids space and time while still providing in any way I can and working on myself… I will maintain a clean house and pour myself into projects to make a real suitable home for our family, leaving an open door and always leaving a light on for any time you want to come and go as long as nothing vindictively gets stolen or goes missing. I will reconnect your phone as long as there are no further attempts to hack into our accounts, and as long as I receive at least a photo of each child every morning and night and at least one FaceTime call with just the children for ten minutes or more every day. I will provide payments, insurance and maintenance on you and the children’s main source of transportation in the Tahoe. I will establish your own separate checking account where I deposit $500 weekly specifically to be used for the children’s needs. This is above and beyond the Texas MAXIMUM Child Support Limit of $2750 a month for three kids, but more than the money - I just don’t ever want any of you to suffer or be without. I know that with this being a new thing and everything still being raw, that seeing eachother might be difficult at first - but please consider letting me see the children at least twice a week on Sunday’s and Wednesdays… I not only want to (and have the right to) maintain the relationship as their father but I really would like for you to start getting a break. So disappointing that it seems like right when we were all on the cusp of things being great, I just seem to find a way to fuck things up - but I hope you know how much I want the best for you as I’m just hoping and praying that all of this is temporary… You are my best friend, my wife and my life partner - I will always love you! I will and I am going to be better.” Like what the actual fuck man. :/ >>Other relevant comments from OOP OOP finds that her husband has been tracking her >HELP I HAVE TWO APPLE AIR TAGS THAT JUST STARTED BEEPING HOW TO I DISABLE THESE > * Right now is the first moment I’m having today to calm down and center myself. I’m breastfeeding my last baby. I keep reminding myself that he’s the one who did this- not me. My kids are struggling to adjust. Lots of tears and my autistic son isn’t doing well right now coping without his routine and his space. Thank god for his favorite show SpongeBob and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I made sure to bring his special plate he always eats on. Today I waited for my family to come by and go with me to get a protective order, then a police escort to my house. While waiting for my family- I heard a beeping and realized an air tag was going off in my wallet. He located me. He immediately texted me saying the address where I am. Said he’s coming here if I don’t send pictures of the kids. I didn’t respond. Waves of panic and anxiety entire body trembling crying so scared.. I called the police. They showed up. Nothing he could do. He was looking at me like I was insane and just kept saying “I don’t know what you expect me to do.” He left. Family came and we went to courthouse to file order. They told me i can fill out 1.5 hrs of paperwork for a 2 year restraining order that is very difficult to obtain but encouraged me to take it to my meeting tomorrow with the shelter and they know what to do to help me get my safety in order. Immediately after leaving he texted me “what were you doing at the courthouse.” I called the shelter and they helped me disable any location services on my phone. I debated for hours if I should go get my stuff. I knew it was my last chance. He gets off at 7. At 2pm I showed up to my house- knocked on every door and told all my neighbors to please call the police if he pulls up. Two neighbors helped me grab every single stitch of my kids clothing, remove the magazine from the gun and get all my documents, clothes, food, toiletries and my VERY personal journals with my thoughts and feelings from the past years. I’m so numb. I’m so drained. But as I took the last load of dirty clothes in a hamper to my car and shut the door, I started laughing. I felt more proud of myself than anything I had ever done. I am safe- I won’t go back. I’m filing for divorce tomorrow. > * He must be a psychopath because I don’t know how what he did is legal whatsoever. I didn’t file a protective order and I’m regretting it because he can become so unhinged so quickly. > * I am really tough and have been through so much adversity in my life but I feel like this is absolutely crushing. Nothing has ever hurt like this. Thank God I come from a long line of really strong freaking women and had the power to just say “enough is enough” and go get the life I deserve. I’m leaving behind everything I’ve known- trapped inside 4 walls. I’m so attached to my house because it’s been my prison. But I’ll find roots somewhere new again soon. After speaking with the DV shelter, OOP adds > * I spent 2 hrs giving my account of his abuse. They said in 3-5 business days I’ll get an advocate to help me get my life put back together, find a lawyer, file for divorce with full custody. They also gave me tons of pull ups and toiletries. I am so thankful. It’s so weird not paying for the stuff I felt really guilty because I used to have lots of money. I shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t have done this to us. > * I do have enough food because I am staying with my brother. I have 1/4 a tank of fuel and now I’m down to $170 left. I am so hopeful for the future right now. My brothers girlfriend put me on their phone plan but I’m not giving him this new number because there’s gonna be a protective order > * Thank you! Luckily I have a HUGE support system about 20 people deep. My neighbors bought diapers, my best friend got me a bra and she’s bringing groceries. I’m utilizing the services of the shelter too. I have my kids, shelter, clothes, food and peace. He only THOUGHT I didn’t have anyone. He said I would be fucked, poor and alone if I left him. I’m feeling happier and lighter than I have in a very very long time. &nbsp; **2nd Update Post** - [**My husband put an air tag in my vehicle. The count is up to 3 air tags now.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/11txqs5/my_husband_put_an_air_tag_in_my_vehicle_the_count/) - **March 17, 2023** Hello it’s me. I am safe. The kids are safe. My resources and support are here helping in anyway they can. Today CPS showed up to my place of shelter. They said my husband told them where I was when they could not contact me because he shut my phone off. They told me he put an air tag on my vehicle. I just did an entire interview with them. I was so scared when the process started - but after they left I felt so supported. They validated that everything he is doing is abuse- he is in the wrong. They told me DO NOT GIVE HIM THE CHILDREN. They said do not answer the door, do not go anywhere until your car has the air tag removed. My brothers girlfriend is taking it right now to the police station. I still haven’t got a protective order. I don’t know what the hold up is but I am so so scared. I listened to the recording of the Sunday fight again (it was so traumatizing all over again to relive that) in the recording when I said I want a divorce he said he is going to end my life. I’m picking up my new phone today with an entire new number. I am really scared everyone. He knows where I am, he knows now that I told CPS he is abusive. The principal of my child’s school is my husbands bosses wife. CPS said the domestic abuse advocates will have to use their attorneys to get my son in a new school right now. Everyone pray, send good vibes, cast a spell, whatever it is that you do… please do it for me right now. I am terrified and I don’t know how much more I can do than I have done. Let this be a lesson to all of the people with abusive partners- turn the “find my iPhone” off BEFORE you leave. Stash money back. Call the shelter. Make a plan. They will try to destroy you and any kids you have together when their image is threatened. >>Relevant comments from OOP: > * We just found the air tag. It has his initials on it. We took a photo of where we found it. Crazy. I am in shock honestly. > * The person who took my car to the police station used an app to alert her. It did not alert her until she was back home. We found it, she pulled up the application and it showed a map of everywhere she went in my vehicle. One of those places was the police station - she took a screenshot of the map showing the locations being tracked. I hope this is enough evidence for court. > * He has no idea at all [about my Reddit username] and has no access to my email this is linked to. If he did- I think of this as just another way of documenting what’s happening on top of screenshots and written records. > * The second I got to my shelter I changed all passwords for socials like Snapchat and Reddit. (I deactivated my Facebook and instagram last year) I changed my email address password to a completely new one, made a new iCloud account, took the family iCloud off of my iPhone. When I got a new phone I made a new iCloud again that isn’t linked to him whatsoever. I’m hoping I covered all my bases. I’ve ran safety check like 10 times and I’m still paranoid he’s somehow able to know where I am. I hope all of this tracking and stalking stops soon. It’s sad to be cooped up in the house with the kids instead of going to the park and playing outside. > * But yes I do need protective order. I have no idea why they won’t get it to me ASAP and I have to keep waiting > * [My son] won’t go back to school until the protective order is in place. They are using attorneys to quickly help switching him schools > * I totally understand your question and I don’t think you are being insensitive. I’ve dealt with lots of insensitivity for the past 7 years. I think the most extreme is he would rip the kids from me somehow or physically harm me. But at the least he would come get all the car seats out of my car or steal my vehicle because he is on the title. I’m not sure how I can protect myself more than I have. I am really tired of being afraid though and my body needs a rest from the anxieties soon. &nbsp; **3rd Update Summary** - **March 19, 2023** OOP states that she is exhausted, but relieved to have left and that she is getting help from family and the DV shelter. &nbsp; **4th Update Summary** - **March 21, 2023** OOP was concerned that her husband's wealth would leave her helpless in the divorce and was feeling homesick. She also states she has a recording of **her husband threatening to kill her if she called the police or tried to divorce him.** >>Relevant comments from OOP: > * I’m just scared I won’t find somewhere I can afford and I will displace the kids beyond repair. I keep feeling so guilty for leaving!! It’s so dumb to feel this way > * I have been out for 6 days. All the adrenaline has worn off and I’m just.. like really empty feeling besides my kids spot in my heart. He took up so much room. > * He didn’t threaten to kill himself he threatened to “end your life” as in my life. > * I talked to the detective today and I’m hopeful. He admitted to bugging my car and I have the recording of him threatening to end my life so hopefully it’s enough. For now I just feel scared and helpless to even file the divorce. > * That hits home so hard. I did come from an abusive home where I was a caretaker of my brothers and sometimes my parents. I think that I learned how to survive then and I’ve been surviving since. I hope to give my kids a better life > * And I am trying to be so kind to myself and figure out how to care for myself because I definitely didn’t have time or energy to care for me while taking care of him. When someone asked how things are going otherwise, OOP replied > It went well. I have access to a ton of resources like therapy for myself and my kids, communications between CPS, my advocate and the police being streamlined so I don’t have to handle it all myself, food, clothes, shelter all that. Next week I meet to find a low cost or free attorney who can help me save my future. I also talked to the detectives today about assault and criminal stalking. I’m praying tomorrow the judge will approve the warrant and he will go to jail and I’ll get the protective order so my kids can be back in their own home and back to a routine. Can’t even take my oldest to school until this order is in place. It’s sad because he’s stopped making my Tahoe payments, going out and spending all his money on weird stuff that’s $500-$1,000. I believe he’s gonna hire the best attorney he can and try to say I’m mentally unstable. Which I’ve never been diagnosed with anything, never on medications nor had an “episode” of any sort. &nbsp; **5th Update Post** - [**I’m here to update everyone who helped me last week!**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/120rmbe/im_here_to_update_everyone_who_helped_me_last_week/) - **March 24, 2023** Y’all. What a crazy week. There were many moments I wanted to give up, throw in the towel and go back to life with my husband. I decided to stay strong, celebrate the small wins I made for my kids and I and ultimately hand every bit of evidence over to the police, CPS and detectives. My husband was arrested yesterday for stalking. The kids and I have a 61 day protective order. My husband has to wear a GPS monitor. He was arrested AT WORK in front of everyone!! Of course he’s telling everyone I’m crazy… doesn’t even matter to me right now. I’m back home! (SUPER YAY!) My son got to go back to school, my little two are so much happier and I have a pantry/fridge full of food, plenty of diapers and more clothes than I had before because I ASKED FOR HELP. I didn’t “play the victim” like he said I am. I just told the truth, took care of myself and the kids and celebrated the small moments of happiness. My husband is telling police I’m bipolar, I physically abused him, I was stalking HIM (lol), I set up booby traps and planned this and that I only did all this because I was on my period. huge sigh This has been so insane and I keep telling myself “he did this, not me. He gave me no choice.” A quote that’s helped me a ton right now is “Women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men.” Thank you thank you thank you to all of y’all!! Couldn’t have done it without this community! >>Relevant comments from OOP: > * I am seeking a 1-2 year protective order with specific requirements for the kids and I and how we communicate. Right now I’m taking a little breather because it’s been a stressful week! > * Gotta do the most and hope for the best ya know. I have security at the home and I’m watching over my shoulder everywhere I go. I don’t think I’ll ever stop being scared but I have to try and be brave, cautious and calm right now. > * The police were doing the most they could. I took it to an officer, he made an hours worth of notes documenting all the stalking and threats, he made a report, two detectives took the case and they got a judge to sign off on an arrest warrant for stalking and PO for me and the kids. Any other women going through this- document EVERYTHING, get out, call the police, call the DA’s office. They WANT to arrest these people for breaking the law and they want to keep YOU safe. &nbsp; **6th Update Post** - [**Hi, it’s been 2 months.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/13kjx20/hi_its_been_2_months/) - **May 18, 2023** I’m not sure if many of y’all remember me. I was in an abusive marriage (technically still married) to a man and have 3 small children. This sub helped me to 1) identify I was being abused and in a toxic relationship. 2) figure out how to get out safely and securely 3) navigate the legal system for my safety. Because this group helped me so much I wanted to give a small update and say that the EPO was issued 61 days. Before that expired I was assisted with a 2 year protective order from the DA’s office and he signed the order this week. The judge granted a restraining order for the kids and I until we can go through divorce and custody court. He has still not given me one cent, he is apparently in AA, going to battering prevention courses, going to church and “wants his family back.” Despite all of these things he “is doing.” I don’t care. I’m done with the relationship. I have never been more calm and less “crazy” as he loved to call me. My kids are ok and don’t seem really to have even noticed. This is really only super hard right now because I have no money and my parents have had to provide all my groceries and gas. I worked with the women’s shelter and I’ve had so much help it’s really mind blowing. They assisted me in retaining an attorney, food stamps, food bank, diapers and wipes, therapy, childcare, crime victims compensation, police, getting in contact with the DA and many more things. For anybody who needs help getting out of an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to call the hotline, let someone know or research (safely) what you can do to get out and be secure after leaving. I have my first court date where I will see him in less than 48 hrs so I just wanted to update and remember how I have a whole army of strong women who helped me get here that believe in me! Thank you again to everyone. I will always be so grateful that I got out at the very first point of wondering “is this a normal relationship?” >>Relevant comment from OOP: > When I reconnected with my parents my mom had 6 months of therapy under her belt and they both have been sober for about 9 months now! I called my dad on the day we went in to shelter and my mom and grandmother came the very next day to help me with whatever I needed. I spend every weekend at my parent’s house and our relationship has never been better! It’s crazy how when you’re in a toxic relationship you sometimes think everyone else is the problem and can’t change just because your partner refuses to change and is the main problem in your life! I had lots of apologies and owning up to isolating myself from family that I had to do. I’m so much better with a support system of about 20 family members and 10 close friends than I was with one small, angry and abusive man as my “everything.” &nbsp; >>Editor's note: Ever since her escape, OOP has been encouraging other women to seek help. ### **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Do not participate in the linked threads or message OOP.**

My husband parked his truck in front of my car, removed the car seats and refused to let me leave yesterday, then threatened to kill me

ONGOING

drkgodess

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13rr6il/my_husband_parked_his_truck_in_front_of_my_car/

13rwypn

I'm not the OOP. This was posted by u/Own-Repeat-8143 in r/trueoffmychest. [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/104i5q6/i_thought_i_had_forgiven_my_husband_for_cheating/) (6 Jan 23) **I thought I had forgiven my husband for cheating on me, until I fell in love with someone else** Throwaway, and fake names for obvious reasons. Also apologies for the strange phrasings, writing is not my strongest suit. I (34F) have been with my husband Will (38M) for 10 years, married for 7. We have a child (5M). 4 years ago I found out he was having an affair. A story as old as time itself - the classic signs were all there - distant, long work hours, smiling at his phone etc. So oneday after he went to bed I checked his phone, found out it was the fresh graduate (23F at that time) that joined his company the previous year. From the messages it was PA & EA that has been going on for atleast 6 months. The cheap hotel sex was hard to read about, but what was worse was how emotionally connected he was, calling each other nicknames, doing things that were historically 'our' things. No, it was too much. I took all screenshots, packed bags for my kid and I, called my brother to come pick me up for my parent's house, and when my brother was here woke my husband to tell him I was leaving. By the end of the week I had already had a consultation with the lawyer. There was no going back. For the next two years (yes, years not months) my husband tried relentlessly to win me back. He did everything and he did everything right. Begging and groveling, said he was blinded by the attention he got, cut off the girl immediately, switched jobs within 2 months, booked counselling sessions that he begged me to attend, made progress in counselling, read books - you name it. He was visiting our son almost everyday after work and weekends, when he wasnt here he would text me where he was, also shared his location. I saw genuine and consistent change and remorse in him, and after 6 months me and the baby moved back with him. Things did get better and better everyday for the next 1.5 years until we reached the 'normal' state that we are at now. I cant explain why, or what it is, but during the last 4 years I feel like I have been in an emotional limbo. things are 'normal' as I said - we go on dates, have sex, have family - just like before. But I feel emotionally detached from him. Like I cant be all in. I know I have forgiven him and now I dont even think about the affiar every day, neither do I have any reason to doubt him anymore, but I also dont feel this love for him like before. He seems to think we are back to our old relationship, but I feel like we are very friendly roommates that smile and wave and just go with the flow. I thought this was my new reality, and I was never gonna get the 'old me' back, until I met Jake. I met Jake (35M) about a year ago on our local subreddit. He posted about a hobby we share and i commented. Its a rather uncommon hobby so not many people have interest in it. Then DM, chitchat and such. The first month was nothing but talk of this hobby. Then we slowly started to get to know each other, he is a widower and I told him I have a family. We met a few time for coffee after work and for the hobby (yes my husband knows that I am meeting this new friend Jake for the hobby, he doesn't know I found Jake on Reddit). I dont know how to word it properly, but I am finally 'happy' and back to my old self, and the reason for that is Jake. We have fallen for each other over the last year, and have confessed our feelings for each other. I never thought I would feel this way again, and yet here I am. We have never done anything physical, only met in public but this is certainly emotional infidelity towards my husband. On one hand I understand that emotions are not rational and it is my husband's doing that we are here, but on the other hand I feel extremely guilty because he has been trying so hard to reconcile. I also feel so angry at him these days for putting me in this position. Also, in the middle of all this I am in pain that I cant be with Jake and am shackled to my married life. Jake says he understands my duties as a mother and would never ask me to do anything I didnt want to, but he was there for me and my kid if I wanted. I dont know why I made this post, maybe to clear my head. What do I do? where do I go from here? Do I torpedo my marriage and all the hardwork we have put into reconciliation to pursue a fling with someone I just met that may or may not turn into anything serious? Do I wipe him out and go back to whatever limbo of a marriage that I have left and just suck it up? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/138a6o7/update_i_thought_i_had_forgiven_my_husband_for/) (5 May 23) **UPDATE - I thought I had forgiven my husband for cheating on me, until I fell in love with someone else** I made a post here in early January about my my husband’s affair and subsequently my EA. It’s in my profile. The tldr of that is that husband cheated years ago, we worked on reconciliation and move on, or so I thought, until I met someone else a year ago that made me realize I have not healed as well as I thought, and I fell for this new man. Thank you to everyone who read it and commented, most of which were surprisingly supportive. Idk why I even made the original post - I guess I was feeling really down around Christmas and new years, and just wanted to vent and even have someone talk some sense into me. But redditors have helped me see things more clearly, and I am grateful to you for that. A lot has happened since then but if you don’t want to read it all here’s the summary - I have started the divorce proceedings with my husband, and we’re working out the legalities. Idk where I stand with Jake. First answers to some faq: Yes we both have jobs and financial independence Is my husband still cheating on me? Well, I honestly couldn’t say. But based on the data I have on hand - his behaviour, his phone activity, involvement with the kid and myself, time accounted for, no work travels or anything - I am fairly certain he’s not. But who knows if he’s a master manipulator. The hobby that we share is fairly niche and I don’t want to reveal it in case someone identifies us (we have made other friends there too). But it’s nothing sporty or physical. Think more like pottery or painting (although they’re not niche). Some people asked why I haven’t given any thought to my son in all this. I think they’re missing the point. Firstly, what relevance info could I post about him? And secondly why do you think I reconciled with my husband? Certainly not for me. Whatever we decide our son will be our priority and well taken care of. I’ll keep him out of this post too. Onto the update: I read all the comments and all that was said here, and finally had the courage to admit that yes this was a sham marriage. I was not proud of my own actions, but I had to go. A few days after i posted I went no with Jake. I told him I couldn’t do this right now, this wasn’t me and more importantly I needed to focus on my mess. Idk what future holds, but for now we’d have to stop. He said he understood and supported my decision, and would be here if I ever wanted to reach out. That’s the end of that. In the mean time I disclosed some of this to my closest friends and family. They all supported me and been there for me. My best friend also helped me plan and process all this, find a lawyer, go to appointments etc. I have been strategizing the legal aspects for the last couple of months. About two weeks ago I had a sit down with my husband and asked him for a divorce. It wasn’t pretty. He was surprised, desperate, sad, angry. A lot was said l, some of which I am not proud of. He begged me to work on it, was surprised when I brought up his affair, was angry that I led him on for 4 years, to which I asked him if he was sad because he missed out on his chance with AP (because let’s face it cheaters beg for their partner and when the partner turns them down they go right back to AP, as if they had a backup plan all along). This hurt him a lot and I shouldn’t have said it, but I’ve been thinking about it for 4 years. I told him all about Jake as well, but made it clear that regardless of that I’ll be leaving. I just couldn’t trust him anymore. I was at my lowest point during a very difficult pregnancy and birth, all of which he was there for. He saw me struggle to breastfeed the baby, suffer from sleep deprivation, go through all of this. Instead of supporting his wife and son, how did he have the time to go have an affair? I can’t wrap my head around. He has been sleeping in the guest room since then. We have had many conversations since then, and I think he is finally getting around to accepting that it’s over. He’ll move out this weekend. We’ve agreed to keep things civil, but we’ll see how it goes. Thank you for taking the time to read it. Keep me in your prayers. Good night **Reminder - I'm not the OOP**

I thought I had forgiven my husband for cheating on me, until I fell in love with someone else

ONGOING

prettiergenghis

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13rwypn/i_thought_i_had_forgiven_my_husband_for_cheating/

13s2tsm

**I am not the Original Poster. That was** u/Gzasmyhero. He has since deleted that account. He posted in r/self and r/IAmA. He was interviewed by TIME magazine and has since written a comic about his experiences. Thank you to u/UsernamesAreHaaard for sending me this story! Please read the trigger warnings **Trigger Warnings:** >!abuse, sexual abuse, rape, child neglect, suicide, self-harm, bullying, torture, institutional violence!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!horrifying. Absolutely horrifying. But the school is closed down!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/ec3xh/even_skimming_this_post_once_will_blow_your_mind/)**: November 26, 2010** **Title:** Even skimming this post once will blow your mind, most probably think thats its made up but you would be dead wrong summary- Google: the elan school (this will basically open Pandora's box) This place only still exist because so many people believe that it doesn't or that it can't. I believe that the internet is our #1 tool for exposing these horrid blind spots for what they are. Help me Reddit! I was sent to a place called The Elan School in 1998 and I was only 16. The scary thing is that Elan is still open, kids aged 13-20 are there right now. Normal kids, many whom may have smoked a joint or two, or who swore at their parents. Of course there were also real criminals there, but they did not make up the majority. The "school" accepted anyone and then held them as long as they possibly could depending on the age of the child. If you were sent at 14 (many were) you may have been looking at 3-4 years. This is because The Elan School collects $50,000 a year per child, either from the child's state, school, or parents. And, of course, money was the only motivation of the staff and directors. These were the people in charge of your "progress" in the program. I could write for hours about it, instead I ask you to skim the following bullet points and to understand that I am telling the truth. We were forced to participate in staff-organized fight clubs, none of which were fair, all were designed to humiliate one child who would be put up against at least 3 others. So even the children who "followed the rules" were forced to fight: in the name of "good". Children who tried to rebel or be free-thinking were thrown into an isolation room where they had to stay for months at a time, they had to sleep at night on a dirty mattress on the floor of the isolation room The mattress was brought to them at midnight and they were woken up around 7am. We were all forced to perform in a ritual called a "General Meeting" where the entire house (60 or more boys and girls) screamed at one child who stood behind a broomstick. Many times they were forcibly held up by two other students so they would have to accept the punishment.Education was considered a right, but those of us who earned the right were still robbed of an education. School was from 7pm-11pm: no homework, no test, no projects. Ex: math class consisted of grabbing a math book and handing the teacher at least one page of work. The other 12 hours of the day consisted of constant conditioning and brainwashing. In the beginning you obviously rejected it, but then you would be "dealt with". You would not be able to rise through the ranks of the program to earn more 'rights' until you could prove yourself to be a good candidate for more brainwashing. Eventually it became your responsibility to begin indoctrinating the newer residents (basically you, six month earlier). You had Strength and Non-Strength. Non-Strength's were not allowed to talk, interact, or communicate in any way with other Non-Strengths. It took a minimum of 6 months to earn the title of "Strength". It took some kids years to earn "Strength". Some kids never did. Elan made money based on the amount of time it took for you to graduate "the program". You had to have a minimum of 7 promotions before you were a candidate for "graduation". Each promotion took a minimum of 3 months, and 90% of the kids never made it past the 5th promotion. These kids had to wait until they turned 18 and could legally sign themselves out. Other kids stayed past their 18th birthday, which is a true testament to the effectiveness of the brainwashing, I remember one dude was 23. Your level of high-school had no reflection whatsoever on your ability to leave Elan. I was forced to do my senior year of high school twice, even though I was technically done after the first senior year. The staff members were primarily former students who were hired by Elan after graduating from the program. Many arrived in BMW's and clearly made 6 figure incomes. None of them had degree's in psychology, education, social work, etc... Many of them never went to college at all. All outgoing letters to parents were screened, many of us having to write many different drafts until they were accepted. All phone calls to our parents were monitored, we were allowed about 15 minutes a week and the person who monitored the call would have their hand hovering over the hang-up button as a constant reminder of our reality. We were not allowed to write or receive letters until we earned the right (this could take 8 months or more). When someone found out where I was and wrote me, my unopened letters were ripped up in front of me as motivation to move up in the program. I feel like I am beginning to write too much and I do not want to overwhelm anyone who made it this far. Because most of the bullet points honestly require further explanation to give the full impact of what Elan truly was. The most important thing that anyone can do is to be aware of this place and make sure that nobody you know ever gets sent there for any reason. If you are a parent then do not send your child there. If you know someone who is there now then beg the parents to do more research.The amount of suicides and tragic deaths of former Elan students is reason enough to take this post seriously. \*\*\*if you want to help then Google: the elan school.....dig through the links, learn about it, know that it exist please email: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) ***Relevant Comments:*** *Original comment: 1. why were you sent there? 2. I assume you talked your parents when you left, what were their reactions? 3. did your parents or guardians basically sign over all rights to the school to do what they liked with you? 4. did people ever 'escape'? 5. are you in touch with any other graduates? 6. did this give you any grounding for university? You spoke about lack of education, what did you do afterwards? And what are you doing now?* "1. I don't want to give away too much info about myself quite yet in case someone is trying to piece together who I am. Maybe its a bit paranoid, but i have my reasons. I am trying to bring down a multi-million dollar establishment that is basically no more than a continuing criminal enterprise.........But lets say that what sent me there made me a perfect middle person. Half the people were there for worse things and half were there for less. 2) My mother refuses to listen and honestly, I was just sooooo happy to be free that it took a bit for all of my emotions to settle and for me to find the right words. Unfortunately i was sent there by the state so my parents had no say in the matter. But once I finally began to tell them everything I realized a) that it sounds crazy b) that it would take days to explain it well and in detail c) my mother was crying even when I began to tell her things that on a scale from 1 to Horrible, were like a 6. Other people have been able to properly express it to their family members and the reaction is obviously one of horror. Here is a summary of someone who actually was able to do something about it: “In 1987, a woman named Bethany Berry claimed that she’d suffered sleep-and food-deprivation as well as assault as an Elan resident between the ages of 16 and 18. She later filed a lawsuit against the school, Ricci, and the state of Maine, charging abuse (it was eventually settled out of court for an undisclosed sum).” 3) Yes, whether sent by parents, state, or school: the child is signed over into the care of Elan and cannot legally sign out until the age of 18. 4) Multiple people have escaped. In the two years I was there only one person successfully escaped AND stayed escaped. Everyone else was somehow brought back. If you tried to run away on a home visit with parents (which took up to 2 years to earn), Elan had established connections with the police in your town in case of a run-away. The guy I knew who escaped, it was his second attempt. His first was made after 6 months, his second was made after 18 months (on a home visit). He basically became a ghost and nobody heard from him until after his 18th birthday had passed (not even his parents). I called him after I got out and told him he was a hero of mine. There have also been multiple cases of children running away and never being seen again, or turning up dead. One girl was raped and murdered by a trucker, she was trying to hitchhike home. Another boy was shot was a local who thought he was trespassing on their property 5) yes, I am in touch with multiple graduates, nearly 300." *This sounds like a fucking horror movie, but when I google it it seems real:* "Don't be. People fucking suck. When you hear about rape, brainwashing, beatings, killings, horrible mutilations of any kind in any system? It shouldn't be a shock. This is what political apathy and greed looks like. This is the true face of America, and largely humanity in general. It shouldn't surprise you because it's everywhere, people just turn a blind eye when it's inconvenient to look at. The golden rule of life is: People fucking suck and you shouldn't expect them to really give a shit about anything that doesn't directly inconvenience them. It's seriously that simple." *People suggest arson:* "Hahaha thanks, yeah, sane enough. We have tried everything, even the burning to the ground idea. People tried this even while I was stuck there (former residents who came back in their vehicles to get justice). The entire complex is designed like the Pentagon or something. There is a long driveway going back to the complex and it is heavily guarded and monitored." *Contact law enforcement?* "I have tried. A friend of mine even called the local police in Poland Springs, Maine. Everybody up there knows about it, it is like the dark secret of the area. The people who currently run Elan (the living family members of the late Joe Ricci) are multi-millionaires who have invested their whole life in Elan and keeping it open AKA making sure all the right people have their pocket lined, judges, politicians, etc... If you are wondering how the ME Department of Education could fund or promote such a place, here is an interesting fact from a linked article titled: New York seeks change at Elan School: [http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/news/state/070325elan.html](http://pressherald.mainetoday.com/news/state/070325elan.html)' 'While New York conducted a surprise inspection, it is the policy of Maine's education department to let schools know when state officials are going to conduct a visit, said Edwin "Buzz" Kastuck, whose responsibilities within the department include school approval.' Here is a claim made in the same article: 'Frank McDermott, the Elan School's director of education, said the New York officials who visited in 2005 conducted extensive interviews with students, parents and graduates. here is a comment written after an article, titled: Good News: Bad Economy Killing Abusive Teen Programs: [http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maia-szalavitz/good-news-bad-economy-kil\_b\_162696.html](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maia-szalavitz/good-news-bad-economy-kil_b_162696.html) "I was a student at the Elan School for 3 years from 2005 to 2008. I am still traumatized by what I went through during my time there. Waking up each day the environment was constant screaming and swearing, by students, but more so by the "staff". I remember as a new student, I was crying when I was told to scrub a garbage can as a punishment for something so minor that I can't even remember the cause. I has stopped cleaning it, and that was when the staff determined that I had to be restrained and dragged to "the corner", isolation in a room to the point when one barely feels human. I tried to fight back, as any normal person would do when one is touched and forcefully grabbed without consent. Instead of just bringing me to the corner, the staff had other students hold me up, my hands and feet restrained, as other students were forced to scream and degrade me. I say forced, because regretfully I have also done the same to other students, and I know that if they refused to participate in this abominable event they too would have been punished. The only way to survive in this setting was to shut down emotionally. This memory haunts me to current day."This school needs to be shut down, and I am happy if that day is coming near. Even if Elan survives the recession, it should still be closed. However, this could prove to be exceedingly difficult, because the students in the school are pressured not even to think a bad thought about the program, let alone utter it, and will receive punishment if they fail to oblige that rule. I know that while I was at the school investigations were conducted, and students were pressured into lying. Furthermore, a survey was also done, which now appears on the school's website, some questions asking about if we felt comfortable at the school. It was said to be anonymous, but again we felt pressured into lying, staff was supervising, and each of our handwriting could be easily identified. "I hope someone reacts to the atrocity that is the Elan School." *More horrifying info:* "They had children (in the positions of Strength) who guarded all the exits. They also had a constant Headcount (every ten minutes) 24 hours a day, yes, even while we slept. If you actually could get out of the house, you had hired adult nightguards posted in the woods. And they were real, I used to believe they were an urban legend told to new residents to scare them, but once i was in a higher position I actually got to meet a few of them. If you could get past the guys in the woods, then you had to run for nearly 5 hours to get to the closest town. One kid dipped into the woods, naturally a bunch of kids in high positions went after him. He got away. He was gone nearly 8 hours. He came walking back, shaking his head, was tackled and then put into restraints, and thrown into isolation. i asked him why he chose to come back, his answer was "I kept running until I had no energy and the i realized I can't run through these woods, I was gonna die out there". Also, it was Maine so most of the year there was snow on the ground and our footwear and clothing were all a thing of constant surveillance. We were not even allowed to wear dark colors, it was called Black on Black. Only our shirt, or pants could be dark, not both." "Actually, during the night, the way they counted us was by ripping off our sheets so they could see if we were wearing shoes or clothes of any kind. And yes, this happened every ten minutes from midnight-8am. Eventually you just got used to being woken up constantly, especially if you unconsciously liked to wrap your feet up in the end of the blanket." **A different user posts** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestof/comments/ecfwl/reddit_this_guy_is_trying_so_hard_to_spread_the/) **on November 27, 2010 (next day) on** r/bestof **to spread the word** People are quick to help, with many attempting to contact different celebrities, sharing links to sites of survivor stories, sharing personal anecdotes, finding contact information (legally) for current and former staff, and doing everything they can to expose the school. At one point there were links to tumblr and facebook groups of survivors, but those pages have since been deleted. **However, I was able to find an archive of the tumblr page** [here.](https://web.archive.org/web/20140216211907/http://theelanschoolalumni.tumblr.com/) **OOP posts an IAMA** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/ee7oq/iama_graduate_of_the_elan_school/)**: November 30, 2010** Since I am new to Reddit, I originally posted this in the AMA section. Oops. Help me spread awareness about this "school" and, o yeah, ASK ME ANYTHING!!!!!!!! And for all who have no idea what The Elan School is, here is the original Reddit post And this repost **(editor's note- see above post)** (by someone like you) has created the large response so far. (from the original post) I ask you to skim the following bullet points and to understand that I am telling the truth. ***Editor's note- the following points reiterate his first post. I deleted them to save space and instead included a few comments.*** *Some comments:* "I was sent there by the state. Elan accepts children from jails, mental institutions, courts, kids expelled from school systems, and at the same time they convince very wealthy parents to send their children. Now thats one crazy milkshake." "No, coming out of Elan was like being 12 again and going through a second awkward "social teenage adjustment". Elan philosophy will get you absolutely nowhere in the real world, unless you want to live as a recluse in the woods and believe that everyone but you is filled with "guilt" and should be punished for it." *Do you have bonds with other students?* "Unfortunately it is not that simple. I have a strong bond with many people but even more I have never seen or heard from again. I have found out a couple of them are dead already, and finding that out hurts like losing a best friend you were never actually able to act "normal" with. Maybe the last interaction you had with that person involved restraining them in The Corner or screaming in their face for not showering quick enough." ***Editor's note-*** *OOP posts several comments detailing the horror and abuse. I could not include them all due to length. You may be able to find them easier* [here](https://web.archive.org/web/20101204090438/https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/ee7oq/iama_graduate_of_the_elan_school/). These include his detailing of watching a student (TW suicide attempt) >!attempt to commit suicide by stabbing himself in the gut with a pen and not receiving help for hours,!< overall hygiene, being restrained, sexual abuses his mother not believing him, people attempting to escape, how he endured, and other horrific abuses. **OOP posts several other posts with similar requests for help airing out these horrors.** None get as much traction as the first two, but you can see them [here](https://web.archive.org/web/20101204005502/http://www.reddit.com/user/Gzasmyhero/submitted/). **Time Magazine** [Article](https://healthland.time.com/2011/04/05/increasingly-internet-activism-helps-shutter-abusive-troubled-teen-boot-camps/) **: Published April 5, 2011 ELAN IS SHUT DOWN** **Title:** Increasingly, Internet Activism Helps Shutter Abusive ‘Troubled Teen’ Boot Camps The whole article is worth a read, but there is a section dedicated to OOP's posts online: "He waged an online war using every weapon he could think of: Facebook pages, tumblr blogs, websites and other social media. When Wimbelton posted about Elan on Reddit, the post received thousands of votes and generated enormous traffic. He encouraged others to post their stories too. People responded, posting and cross-linked their missives enough so that anti-Elan sites soon began to rise to the top of Google’s search results, offering parents a very different view of the program than that on the school’s own website. Wimbelton even looked up the local media’s coverage of school sports, which listed the names of Elan athletes. With a little online sleuthing, Wimbleton was able to find the names of the parents of the kids; he called them to try to warn them about what went on at the school. Upon hearing Wimbelton’s story and reading the links he sent, the parents of four such children decided to withdraw their enrollment, he says." **\*\*UPDATE (on original** [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/ec3xh/even_skimming_this_post_once_will_blow_your_mind/)**) Around September 2011 (10 months later)** Leaked documents which have been posted publicly for the first time EVER. These were written in 1991 by an author trying to expose the school. The author had to flee the country. All major points have been highlighted and set in larger type depending on the seriousness of the allegations. [http://www.scribd.com/doc/44635665/Scribd](http://www.scribd.com/doc/44635665/Scribd) **2018: OOP starts writing a comic based on his experiences.** It currently has 94 chapters. You can find it [here](https://elan.school/chapter-1-5/). The latest was written in April of 2023. **He also created a subreddit** [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MrJoeNobody/). It is under his new username, u/mr_joe_nobody **August 2019** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/MrJoeNobody/comments/cl9ba2/my_ama_was_archived_by_reddit_it_ended_up_being/) **:** OOP thanks people on his subreddit for their help after his AMA is archived by reddit. **Current Wikipedia** [page](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C3%89lan_School) about the Elan School **Edit:** Here are some links for further reading if you are interested: [https://suzukisthoughts.blogspot.com/2019/06/suffer-little-children-elan-school-and.html](https://suzukisthoughts.blogspot.com/2019/06/suffer-little-children-elan-school-and.html) Key quote: But Elan's ultimate downfall would not be due to state officials, but, in fact, the internet. [https://allthatsinteresting.com/elan-school#:\~:text=Founded%20in%201970%20by%20Dr,eventually%20zeroed%20in%20on%20adolescents](https://allthatsinteresting.com/elan-school#:~:text=Founded%20in%201970%20by%20Dr,eventually%20zeroed%20in%20on%20adolescents). [https://www.darkdowneast.com/episodes/elanschool](https://www.darkdowneast.com/episodes/elanschool) Where are they now (this is a reddit post about staff, so I'm unsure of accuracy) [https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/rudg6x/peter\_rowe\_fired\_sharon\_terry\_dead\_whats\_up\_with/](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/rudg6x/peter_rowe_fired_sharon_terry_dead_whats_up_with/) There is also a documentary on Amazon Prime [here](https://www.amazon.com/Last-Stop-Liz-Arnold/dp/B086WNX5Y9) **Edit 2:** More resources from commenters! Behind the Bastards podcast Last Podcast on the Left podcast Nexpo's [YouTube Video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eM7pb5M5DU) **Petition to keep one of the workers at Elan out of the police force:** [https://www.change.org/p/demand-transparency-to-community-of-westbrook-maine?utm\_content=cl\_sharecopy\_34864329\_en-US%3A9&recruiter=156606&recruited\_by\_id=fca144b0-62ca-11e3-86dc-53c93204af33&utm\_source=share\_petition&utm\_medium=copylink&utm\_campaign=psf\_combo\_share\_initial&share\_bandit\_exp=initial-34864329-en-US](https://www.change.org/p/demand-transparency-to-community-of-westbrook-maine?utm_content=cl_sharecopy_34864329_en-US%3A9&recruiter=156606&recruited_by_id=fca144b0-62ca-11e3-86dc-53c93204af33&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&share_bandit_exp=initial-34864329-en-US) **Former Staff Listing:** [http://www.heal-online.org/elan2.htm](http://www.heal-online.org/elan2.htm) **A link to a different school in Maine that was similar:** [https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/wiki/index/ironwoodme/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=ioscss&utm\_content=1&utm\_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/wiki/index/ironwoodme/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1) **Link to a program that helps victims of institutional violence/abuse:** [https://www.unsilenced.org/](https://www.unsilenced.org/) Annnnd one more link to Joe's comic in case you missed it: [https://elan.school/chapter-1-5/](https://elan.school/chapter-1-5/)

Man shares his story on Reddit and ultimately helps shut down his horrifically abusive school

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13s2tsm/man_shares_his_story_on_reddit_and_ultimately/

13sp5cu

**I am NOT OP. [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/a0evyn/i_just_retired_from_cooking_night_one/?st=JQBEAV3Q&sh=d07c6363) by u/BabyHooey in r/parenting** trigger warnings: no triggers mood spoilers: >!success!< --- &nbsp; **I just retired from cooking: Night One** - Nov 26 2018 Four kids, 10-16. I used to love cooking, and I'm good at it (according to objective others, not just myself). Kids have become so picky that there are literally no meals left that I can make without someone complaining. Spaghetti? I make my sauce with Italian sausage and one kid has decided she hates fennel. One kid has Celiac, which rules out wheat (obviously not her fault) so that makes it harder. One kid hates cheese, which rules out a lot of things. One kid hates chicken. We were safe for a while with tacos until one kid decided she was never eating tacos again. So tonight, I was stand in the grocery store feeling stupid. Like there's an entire store full of food, and I'm able to buy anything in the store within reason, and yet somebody will complain about anything I make. And that's why, in the middle of that grocery store, I decided to retire from cooking for the family. I came home with assorted ingredients instead and told the kids we will still provide food but it will now be their responsibility to prepare it for themselves and feed themselves with it. I was expecting a lot of protest, but nobody said much. After about 30 minutes, they decided I really wasn't cooking dinner and they actually started feeding themselves. One kid made a turkey and cheese sandwich, one made peanut butter and jelly. The one with Celiac decided to make herself and her sister some noodle soup with rice noodles, chicken stock, and veggies. If it looks like we're going to encounter nutritional deficiencies, I guess we'll address that as it comes up, but so far I'm pleased with the results of Night One. Will post future updates if anyone's interested. &nbsp; [**Update (by request): I retired from cooking**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/aazda2/update_by_request_i_retired_from_cooking/) - Dec 30 2018 - 4 weeks later I don't know how to link my original post, but people there are requesting updates. Short version of original story: Kids (teens and preteens) had turned into picky little shits and complained about every meal I cooked, so I announced I was retiring from cooking for the family. The update: For about two weeks, everyone lived off of sandwiches and cereal. At about that point, I started cooking for myself and my wife only, things that we like to eat and cook. Eventually, one kid said, "That smells really good, can I have some?" I said that I only made enough for the two of us, but if they'd like some of tomorrow's dinner, let me know and I can make extra. I was expecting "what's tomorrow's dinner" but instead I got, "yes, please, anything's better than more sandwiches." All of them eventually followed suit. I'm back to cooking for six, but I'm making whatever I want to make. If anyone has a problem with it, there's sandwiches or cereal. And surprisingly, sandwiches and cereal are being chosen very rarely. So the retirement didn't last long, but the temporary strike seems to have solved the problem that led to my premature retirement, so I'm good with it. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Parental cooking strike

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nitpickr

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13sp5cu/parental_cooking_strike/

13sxsiq

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/Throwaway-9873. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!OOP makes the right choice!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13k3ads/aita_for_sending_my_younger_sister_money_against/)**: May 17, 2023** My younger sister (F25) is working towards getting her master's degree in New York. While she loves the city and school, she hates how expensive everything has become. She does work part-time, but it simply isn't enough. My parents (M77) and (F73) have been sending her money each month, but since they recently retired, they've had to cut back. To fill the gap, my brother (M28) and I (M32) have begun sending some money to our sister from time to time to help with her rent. I have a well-paying job and a close relationship with my sister, so I'm happy to help where I can. However, my GF (F30) has expressed her dissatisfaction with the arrangement. We've been saving up to buy put a down payment on a house in the future, and my GF believes that my financial contributions to my sister is hindering our progress. Yesterday (which happened to be the day I usually send my sister money), GF told me that we needed to reduce expenses, and one suggestion she made was for me to no longer send money to my sister. She believes that my sister needs to learn how to manage her money better and that my brother (M28) should contribute more. I told her about how I feel a responsibility towards my sister and how my brother doesn't make as much as I do, and while she did acknowledge that she then said I was "financially naïve" and said she "doesn't want me to be taken advantage of". I was kinda disappointed hearing this, as I made the conscientious decision to help my sister and wasn't falling for some sort of scam. The conversation ended because we both had to go to work, but she told me not to send anything until we've further discussed this. During my lunch break at work, I proceeded to send my sister some money and told GF about this over dinner. She told me that she was "disappointed". At this point, I was getting a little annoyed and responded by saying I was not willing to comprise my current arrangement with my sister. GF got upset with this and left the table, AITA? EDIT 1: I make about 15.5k/month and have been putting away 4-6k each month towards a future house. GF makes about 7k/month currently saves around 1k/month for the house. She said she'll contribute more once her student loans are payed off. I pay for rent and utilities, GF pays for bulk of groceries I started sending my sister $1500/month since my parents retired EDIT 2: Sis pays $2800/month in rent and $350/month in transportation. I contribute $1500/month; brother pays $750/month, parents pay $500/month. Our mother was terrified of sis living in NYC on her own and only agreed if she lived in a nicer area and had a car ***Relevant Comments:*** *Do you share a bank account?* "We don't have a shared bank account, I pay rent and utilities, she pays about 80% of the groceries while I cover about 20%" *What is your long term plan with your sister?* "I was planning on paying for the next year and half (which is roughly how long it should take her to complete her masters). At this point she'd most likely have a job or move back to Mom and Dad until she gets a job" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): May 17, 2023 (6 hours later)** EDIT 3: Update - My GF and I had a long talk after work, it didn't go well. To summarize, tensions escalated during the conversation. I told her that I plan to continue helping my sister until she completes her degree, and afterward, she would either start working or move back to our parents' home until she finds a job. However, my GF expressed her belief that my sister (and whole family) is manipulating me and thinks I'm naive enough to send her money regardless of how she uses it. I started to feel increasingly annoyed and defensive by her accusations and asserted that it's my money, and I have the right to spend it as I see fit. I then (stupidly) said that if she really wanted us to buy a house, she should save more and cut back on expenses like nice shoes, clothes, and purses. At this point, she became properly angry and declared that she couldn't stay in the same house as me, and said that she would be going to her friend's house. Before leaving, she said, "Call me when you stop thinking like a fucking idiot," before I could even think I replied, "I won't be calling." I feel that I may have irreparably damaged our relationship EDIT 4: Update - I want to express my thanks to all of you for sharing your perspectives and insights. Your input is truly appreciated. Following the fight with GF, I reached out to my brother to confide in him about what happened. His take was pretty optimistic. However, he advised me to stand firm in my position while also remaining open to fully hearing out my girlfriend and considering the possibility of reconciliation. He cautioned against contacting GF's friend to ask about her whereabouts (as it may smell of desperation), and instead said that he would come over (as he lives about an hour away) so we could spend some time together over a movie and dinner. At this point, I feel drained and numb. Its been a long day, and tbh I just want it over. EDIT 5: Update - My brother came by and bought dinner, we've been watching The Dark Knight (don't know why he chose that) since. Still haven't heard from GF or her friend. For those wondering, I'm a chemical engineer and GF has been paying about 2.5k/month to pay of her student loans. **Update (Same Post): May 20, 2023 (3 days later)** EDIT 6: WEEKEND UPDATE Before I begin, I would like to thank everyone for responding to my original post. Your support and insights mean a great deal to me. I also want to provide some additional context about my relationship with my girlfriend (GF). We started dating in January of last year, officially becoming a couple by the end of March, and she moved in with me in May. In hindsight, I must admit that the pace of our relationship was driven by my infatuation rather than the development of a deep connection. Her fun-loving nature and beauty had an influence on me, causing me to overlook the misalignment of our values. Regarding GF's relationship with my family and friends, she seemed to get along well with everyone, although I feel that she never like my brother. My mother made significant efforts to make GF feel welcome, likely due to her desire for grandchildren. On the other hand, my relationship with GF's friends and parents was different. I couldn't help but feel that they saw GF as being out of my league for some reason, and some of her friends even told me how lucky I should consider myself to have GF in my life.There were also other warning signs that I chose to ignore, and I want to share them now: GF wanted to impose restrictions on how often I could visit my family throughout the year. Less than a month after moving in with me, GF leased a BMW, contradicting her previous statements about wanting to pay off her student loans quickly. At the time, I found it strange but didn't raise any objections, thinking that GF deserved to treat herself after years of schooling. Over the following months, she continued splurging on expensive clothes, shoes, purses, coats, and more. Looking back, I doubt she was completely honest about how she was managing her student loan payments. GF regularly urged me to distance myself from some of my friends, citing reasons like them being bad influences or me spending too much time with them. When I mentioned that her friends didn't seem to think highly of me, she shrugged it off, claiming they only wanted what was best for her. Fast forward to today. As most people recommended, I kept my word and didn't call GF. Instead, early this morning, around 5 am, she texted me, suggesting that we meet at a local cafe to discuss our future. I replied with a simple "sure". The atmosphere felt tense but we did exchange brief curt greetings, before we dove straight into the conversation. She began by expressing her hurt over my failure to call her, repeatedly emphasizing that I needed to be reasonable and prioritize our relationship above all else (I noticed her consistent use of "you" instead of "us" or "we"). When I pointed this out, she claimed that her initiating this meeting was proof of her commitment and that if I were truly committed, I would have called her the moment she left. At that moment, I chose to remain silent, and I believe she interpreted my silence as her "winning" the argument. She then shifted the conversation to finances, bluntly stating that our best course of action was to ensure neither of us carried any debt. According to her, the only way to achieve this was with me to start paying some of her loans. I insisted that this shouldn't interfere with my agreement to support my sister (if I did agree to pay her loans), but GF asserted that it would "impede our progress as a couple." I argued that supporting my family and progressing in our relationship should not be mutually exclusive. In response, GF declared that if we were both serious, I needed to make her center focus. She then added that even if she did agree to allow me to continue supporting my sister, "it would't end there, as these things never do." With this, she then began inquiring about my parents, pointing out their "advanced" age and suggesting that they would soon require regular support. Without hesitation, I firmly reiterated my stance, that if my parents ever needed any form of assistance, I wouldn't hesitate to offer it. She followed up by asking, "Even if they wanted to live with you?" to which I replied, "Yes." She pressed further, asking, "Even if I said they can't?" Once again, I responded, "Yes." At that moment, GF stood up, saying that she was "disappointed to see what kind of person I've become" and how she and her friends had always sensed there was something off about me. In response, I stated, "If you believed that, you shouldn't have moved in." She was unable to offer a retort to that. She then began making remarks about how it was only a matter of time before I would beg her to take me back. I firmly told her that the only thing I would be asking was for her to take belongings and return my keys. She tossed the keys at me and before making several comments, asserting that she didn't need me, that I had wasted her time, and I how I greatly disappointed her. I said "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I'm no longer obligated to listen to you complain". With that she stormed off. About an hour latter, I got a text from one of her friends saying that they were coming (without GF) tomorrow to get her stuff. I'm hoping that once they do, I can put this whole thing behind me ***Relevant Comments (on OOP's*** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwaway-9873/comments/13ng19k/update_to_exgf_story_now_on_aita/) ***on his own page saying there was an update on AITA)*** *Have someone with you when they come to get her stuff:* "My brother has volunteered to come along and I asked one of my friends who also said he'd be there" *One more note from OOP:* "Thank you, I learned a tough lesson in the difference between infatuation and genuine love, and thinking back, I don't think me and ex were ever in love"

AITA for sending my younger sister money against my GF wishes?

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LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13sxsiq/aita_for_sending_my_younger_sister_money_against/

13t7zky

I am not the OOP. OOP is /u/seventy-ones posting on AITA and their profile. If you read the previous post, updates are below the red balls: 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴 Trigger Warnings: >!Gaslighting, theft!< Mood Spoilers: >!Cautiously optimistic!< -------------------------- *[Original Post (Deleted from AITA, moved to user profile) - Dec 30, 2022](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/zzfb56/aita_for_telling_my_brother_the_truth_on_why_i/)* I (19f) have 3 brothers (27, 28 and 32). My oldest brother (Dave) got married to Sara in May. I study halfway across the world from my hometown where my family are. I got really sick a few months ago and rushed to the nearest hospital. Turns out they don’t accept my insurance and I had to pay out of pocket. I was €50 short and called everyone I could but no one was picking up. I then called my oldest brother (Dave) because he always picks up and asked him to send me €50 and I would send it back once I get paid in a few days. He told me not to be ridiculous and he didn’t need me to pay him back €50. Sara called me that night and asked how I was doing. After the chit chat, she asked if I could ask someone else the next time I need money because my brother is a married man. I was shocked but i apologised and said I offered to pay him back. She said it’s fine but next time, I should plan my finances in advance so I won’t have to rely on a married man. It’s my birthday soon and Dave called to ask what I wanted. I said nothing and that I was fine but I appreciated him asking. My other brother called to ask what I want and I said I wanted some money to heat my apartment. I couldn’t afford to heat it this month. He was baffled that I was so broke I couldn’t afford heating and I wasn’t saying anything. He started tearing up on the phone call with me and ended the call, and sent me $500 later. I guess he told Dave about the call with me because Dave called me and started interrogating me on why I just told him I didn’t need anything, and then asked my youngest brother. He sounded offended and asked why I feel like I can’t rely on him. I asked “haven’t you spoken to Sara about this?”. He was confused on what I meant and I told him about the conversation I had with Sara after he sent me the €50 for the hospital. He said he’d call me back but he hasn’t. A cousin of mine sent me a message a few hours ago saying I was a bitch for meddling in their marriage, and that Dave didn’t owe me anything. I was like ???? When did I say Dave owed me anything? I have never relied on him for anything, nor do I plan on it. I mean I feel bad that Dave and Sara are fighting it I can’t help but feel weirded out that Sara did that behind his back and he had no clue. I’ve been extremely anxious and I can’t stop shaking. AITA? --------------------------------- *[Update (in user Profile) -Jan 01, 2023](https://old.reddit.com/user/seventy-ones/comments/100sv2u/update/)* Again, I hope this reaches some of you lol. So my middle brother called me yesterday and asked me to explain what’s been going on and I did. He’s always had quite the temper and got very angry about the Sara situation. He mentioned how Dave is paying the rent for Sara’s 22 year old brother’s apartment, so for Sara to ask me not to ask Dave for anything at all was so messed up when her own brother is getting his rent paid every single month by Dave. Tbh this made me mad. It’s ok for Dave to support her brother but God forbid he sends me €50 for an emergency right? Anyway, Dave called me and we had a heart to heart conversation. I explained to him what I’ve been going through here and he was silent for a while. I did mention that if I was in urgent need of something, I still had my other two brothers to ask so it really wasn’t that terrible. He said he feels so guilty that I was suffering and he didn’t know. He said he won’t tell me the details about his discussion with his wife but he was heartbroken that she would even think of telling me not to rely on him, and has asked her to give me an apology which she said she did, but at the time of the call I hadn’t received anything. I said I haven’t gotten an apology from her and he told me to check my messages again, still nothing. He was silent for a while and just sighed. I also mentioned the text my cousin sent which he asked me to forward to him. He said he felt so bad that people so much older than me were treating me like this and he will deal with so it never happens again. That was this morning. I got a message from Sara 10 minutes ago. Not sure how that’s meant to be an apology but to summarise, she said “I’m sorry if you took what I said as you can’t ever rely on your brother. He’s your brother and I would never intentionally try to make you feel like he couldn’t do anything for you. I’m also hurt that you couldn’t speak to me if you had a problem with it. We could’ve solved this as sisters”. Now wtf am I meant to say to that? I know she’ll make time the villain if I don’t respond but honestly what on earth is that? ---------------------------------- 🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴 *[Update 2 (in user Profile) - Feb 1, 2023](https://old.reddit.com/user/seventy-ones/comments/10r1e7l/update_2/)* Ladies and gentlemen, shit might just hit the fan for real this time 💀 So I mentioned this in a few comments but for those that haven’t seen it, Sara has this “secret” twitter account that I follow her through a burner account. It doesn’t have her picture or name but I know it’s her because my cousin @‘d that account on Sara’s birthday saying happy birthday. Even with what she tweets, yeah I could tell it was her. Anyway she replied to a tweet of a woman who tweeted about how she has no in-laws because her husband is an orphan with no siblings and this bitch Sara replied saying “goals 😫”. Like ??????? I don’t understand how you could love your partner and wish they had no family unless the family were genuinely toxic or something idk. But this was a step too far imo. She can dislike us all she wants but tweeting this weird shit is sooooo childish and petty to me. You wish your man had no family because of an incident over €50? Someone get this lady some help. Anyway I sent it to my other two brothers (not Dave) and one of them forwarded it to him. Long story short, Dave was staying with my other brother for a few days after that day, and now he’s moved back into his house but Sara is back in her home town. I haven’t spoken to Dave about it because I’m sure he’s going through it, and he isn’t the type to speak about his marital issues to me so he wouldn’t give me the tea anyway, but things do not look great. Not sure if this is relevant but my other brother told me about an incident where Dave and Sara had a sort of small argument months ago on the dinner table because Sara was making fun of an old man she saw at the supermarket who was buying pads. She said she can’t believe a woman in his life would embarrass him like that. Dave said it’s not embarrassing and no one cares about men buying pads anymore. He mentioned that him and my other two brothers have done it for me multiple times. She then said something along the lines of “you guys are going to make her incapable of doing anything for herself if you carry on like that”. My other brother said “she’s our little sister, we’re meant to do things for her. And no one cares about periods and pads except you”. Dave said something to shut that whole conversation down but she wasn’t too happy about it and was silent the rest of the night. I’m not sure why she gets so annoyed when they do anything for me. ---------------------------------- *[Final Update (in user Profile) -Mar 6, 2023](https://old.reddit.com/user/seventy-ones/comments/11jtcjq/last_update/)* *sigh* Hello everyone, we meet again 🤣 This will probably be the last update (at least I hope). So Dave and Sara are officially separated. He asked her to leave his home and said he’d rent her an apartment wherever she wants till they’re officially divorced, after which point she can start paying it herself. Dave said he needed to speak to me about something important and FaceTimed me. Our family has a sort of tradition where families and friends buy a newborn baby gold jewellery so they can sell when they need to as adults. Kind of as financial insurance for the baby since gold won’t lose its value. Many people in my family have used it to pay for university, their weddings, etc. My mum is a deadbeat and my dad is dead so Dave has been keeping all the gold that was passed on to me. Anyway he said he created a hole in the concrete of his house and stashed it, along with some other valuables. Don’t ask me why he did that, I’m confused too lol. Sara stole about half the stuff that was in it. He found out because the hole was in the closet of his bedroom. The hole was underneath the half of the closet that Sara’s clothes were covering. When Sara had moved out and there were no clothes to cover every inch of her side of the closet, he realised the tiles that covered the hole were not fixed into place and looked very messy. Like it was obvious he hadn’t left it like that himself. He called some guys to come drill the hole so he can make sure everything was inside and he saw that half the stuff were missing. Dave said he hadn’t ever mentioned the hole to Sara so he isn’t sure how she found out. By the time he got in touch with her, he said he would call the police if she doesn’t return everything. She brought back what she had but admitted she sold some of it (the jewellery that belonged to me). She said she would pay Dave back in cash for what it was worth but can’t do anything else. She can’t even pay for it if she wanted to. The only money she has is Dave’s money. She claims to be mentally ill and said she’ll check herself into a mental hospital. Dave is trying to sort everything, including their divorce, out with a lawyer. Dave said said he’ll replace all the jewellery for me and that I shouldn’t worry about that, not that I even was though. There’s no coming back from this for them. That should be that. She turned out so much worse than I thought and I can’t even believe this story myself. **Reminder I am not OOP**

UPDATE: AITA for telling my brother the truth on why I don’t ask him for anything?

NEW UPDATE

empathosynchrony

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13t7zky/update_aita_for_telling_my_brother_the_truth_on/

13tjz1v

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Successful_Leek96 in r/TwoHotTakes trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!none!<   [My (32M) girlfriend (29F) is upset with me because I don't do 50% of the house work. How do we find a reasonable compromise?](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13l1r7z/my_32m_girlfriend_29f_is_upset_with_me_because_i/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- May 18, 2023** When we first met she made it fairly clear that she expected me, as a man, to be a provider and as we continued dating for a while, her expectations were in line with me assuming a very traditional gender role. I was fine with this, i've build a fairly successful career and pay roughly 90% of our combined communal bills on a 320k salary while she makes 40k. I do all the maintenance for our cars, the boat, and all the yard work. It's been about 2 years of living together and up until now I felt things were going well. She has recently started complaining that i'm not carrying my weight around the house. I don't do any of the cooking, do very little of the cleaning, and don't do the laundry. I felt our division of labor was fairly well established - I do all the traditional male work and pay the bills and she maintains the homestead. But if I still have to do half of the house work while almost entirely carrying the financial burden and the yard work, then her contribution would be far less than mine. I've also recently mentioned that when we have kids, I would prefer to have them homeschooled since she's going to be a stay at home mom anyway. She wasn't very receptive to the idea, since she wants to have daytime hobbies while she's still a stay at home mom. This didn't make any sense to me "stay at home" doesn't imply using the free time to pursue hobbies, it's meant to tend to the house and the kids. Edit: This keeps being asked so i'll answer; I work almost 70 hours a week and she works around 25. I've literally started having panic attacks between the demands at work and getting home to being antagonized. I've had to pull over on the side of the road several times in the last month   [Update: My (32M) girlfriend (29F) is upset with me because I don't do 50% of the house work.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13mp9zs/update_my_32m_girlfriend_29f_is_upset_with_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) **- May 20, 2023** The last 48 hours have been really eventful and while i'm still processing all that's happened, I figured posting would help me gain some mental clarity. The night after posting here, I decided to just have a frank discussion with her and figure out how we can divide our responsibilities fairly. I first laid out the math; I work roughly 70 hour weeks and have an hour commute 6 days a week - another hour spent on getting ready for work and another hour is spent at the gym or jogging. I typically then spend 3-4 hours on average per weekend working on outdoor projects or indoor repairs - some weekends are more eventful than others but I felt this was a fair estimate. I explained that this leaves me with an average of less than 3 hours a day to just live. As she already knows, most days I wake up, get ready for work, leave, and within an hour of getting back, I head to bed. I'm not a messy person and generally pick up after myself. Since i'm barely home, if I start doing 50% of the house work, i'd practically be cleaning up after her and her two dogs. She was resolute about having me contribute 50% to the housework and kept mentioning that the idea of me doing less housework made her uncomfortable. Eventually we settled at just having a maid come in twice a week. We had been drinking while having this discussion and continued after we decided on the maid. We were quite a bit more drunk when she mentioned for the first time ever that she had around 15k in credit card debt from before we met that she wanted me clear up before we got married. It just kind of hit me like lightning at that point - this relationship makes life easier for her, but makes life harder for me. Before we met I was content in my apartment 5-10 minutes walking distance from work with my 2015 Corolla and basic furniture. Since then I've bought a house she wanted, near the water which i'm not a fan of, a boat she wanted, with a pool i didn't want, thousands spent on furniture she wanted, and a BMW I didn't want. I even got her a job at my company so she could earn as much as she did before but only work 25 hour weeks. When we woke up yesterday I called off work and I just told her that this relationship wasn't going to work; I just explained to her that my life wasn't getting easier or happier, just the opposite. She was really keen on arguing and eventually even said she no longer wanted the maid, but I didn't really budge. She left around noon with her dogs and I assume she went to her parents' house since I started getting calls from them. I didn't really have the energy to respond so I just ignored them. I'm not exactly sure when she'll do so, but I hope she'll be able to collect her things in the next few weeks. She can keep working at my company for a couple more months until she finds something more suitable.   **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My (32M) girlfriend (29F) is upset with me because I don't do 50% of the house work. How do we find a reasonable compromise?

CONCLUDED

2006bruin

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13tjz1v/my_32m_girlfriend_29f_is_upset_with_me_because_i/

13u185y

Originally posted by u/salty-groom in r/AmItheAsshole on April 30, '23 updated on May 20, '23. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!homophobia!< &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1341hx7/aita_for_uninviting_my_family_to_my_wedding_after/?sort=new)** April 30, '23 &nbsp; AITA for uninviting my family to my wedding after they feminized my fiancé? I(24M) am getting married to my fiancé J(23M). My mother’s family is very traditional and religious and always believed I would be marrying a girl and are having a hard time adjusting. J is a model. He often times where he’ll model clothes on the more feminine-side and no one has a problem with it. My family have seen some of the photos and have often joked that J is "pretty enough to be a girl" which he would just laugh off as some joke. My grandfather has offered to pay for the suits. The deal was he would get an opinion when it came to what our wedding suits would be since they were paying. J and I went on different days. Fast forward, I’m going to go pick up the suits from my aunt’s place. Right away I can tell something’s wrong. My suit is fine but J’s is white. J was adamant saying he wanted a black suit so I asked my aunt why it was white but she said J chose it. I didn't believe her. Something was definitely off. J isn’t a large guy or anything but this suit just looked far too small. I ask J about the suit when I get home and he just brushes it off. When I said it looked too small he looked a bit panicked and said he’ll take care of it. I couldn’t help but feel maybe J was pressured into choosing white. He’s a bit of a people pleaser so it wouldn’t surprise me. I ended up looking up the suit online to see if I could order one in black and that if he liked it we could refund my grandfather. As it turns out, they ordered a woman’s suit for him. I honestly thought it was a mistake at first and that maybe my grandfather somehow chose wrong so I asked J about it when he got home and he broke down. Apparently my grandfather told J that every wedding needs someone in the bride role and since he’s marrying into our family it should be him. My aunt had been pressuring J into losing weight to fit into the suit they bought for him and had convinced him their family would only accept him if he wore a white bridal one. And that’s not even all, my grandaunt has been buying J a lot of hair accessories that are extremely feminine and has even suggested he get a new engagement ring. I’ve never been so pissed. J said he didn’t tell me about any of this because he just wanted to keep the peace and that just made me more upset. I ended up uninviting them to our wedding. My mom called and demanded to know what happened and she was deeply shocked and ashamed when I told her what her everything and she says it’s not acceptable but that they’re having a hard time adjusting to this new kind of wedding. My cousins say if a suit was such a big deal then J should just wear a dress since he's used to wearing girl clothes. I uninvited them too. J’s family are all on my side. My mom says that I was overreacting by uninviting everyone that disagrees with me and that I should let them come if they apologize to J. I’ll admit I was harsh but I also don’t think I’m in the wrong. AITA? ​&nbsp; *In the comments:* >It reads to me that OP's family is still stuck in some really dated homophobia where sexual orientation is confused with gender identity. OP: They definitely don't know the difference. When I came out as bi they held onto to the attracted to women part only and I can remember one of them asking if J was trans because of some of the clothes he wore and I had to correct them. At this point I'm just assuming they're choosing not to educate themselves. >sounds to me like your mom wants to be uninvited next since she isn't really supporting you. If she wants bigots at the wedding then she is a one by association. OP: I think my mom's scared of treatment she'll receive because of it. She's always been scared of her dad and uncle's opinions on her and they've been pressuring her to get me to reconsider. >people pleasing is a real character flaw, especially when someone takes it this far. Someone who can't be honest about problems will undermine your marriage. I don't believe your fiancé is ready to get married. He will almost certainly continue to hide problems from you and avoid conflict, leaving you dealing with their problems and getting blindsided. OP: It's not that he hides problems from me this was just an extreme situation. Our families have always had a go at each other and we were both worried about bringing them together. J and I are very open to each other but this time J didn't want to bring it up because it was my family. We both do therapy individually but I think couples therapy would potentially be good for us, especially after this. >Is your mom still invited? OP: Currently yes. >You are NTA, and your mother and your mother's family definitely are. >But I am afraid you have a bigger problem to worry about. I think you need to postpone the wedding: >"J said he didn’t tell me about any of this because he just wanted to keep the peace and that just made me more upset. I ended up uninviting them to our wedding." >Why did J not feel safe enough in your relationship to tell you this was going on? Did he think you'd agree with them? Why was his instinct kicking in to please your family at yours and his expense? This is all really really bad and I think you and he should postpone the wedding and do couples counselling. >I also don't think you were harsh enough to your family, they behaved abominably. OP: From what J told me he didn't want to cause any more stress to the wedding planning, which I get but I also don't associate with this scenario. Our families don't get along in general so J thought it would be best to simply do whatever to keep everyone from blowing up. We are both very open to each other this situation was just incredibly extreme and he thought that he could always change after the ceremony. The wedding is still on and we are both in therapy and I'm thinking doing some couples sessions may help us more. &nbsp; **1st Update:** *Undated edit* To start off, thank you guys so much for your support, J and I both appreciate it very much and I’m glad you all are just as upset as I am. J and I ended up deciding that if my family apologized to him, they would be able to come to the ceremony, but not the reception. J was the one who suggested it and my mom was on board with the idea as well. We returned both suits and J’s grandparents offered to pay for any we choose by ourselves, regardless of what they look like. They would even pay the shipping fees so they’d be here on time. Bless them. All the offenders, except for my cousins, ended up apologizing to J, but only my aunt looked somewhat genuine about it, especially after we explained the deal. I thought that would be it, but I was wrong. Yesterday we got a return on our deposit for our reception venue, the owners saying they ended up double booking and could no longer host us (their policy says they can refund up to the week of an event). As far as the website says the day is still free. My mom has been getting texts non-stop from her brother and we have come to the conclusion that her uncle somehow convinced the owners of the venue to not host us, presumably because they were pissed about not being able to come to the reception. So now J and I have no venue and are positively freaking out. We’ve been scrambling all day trying to find one last minute because we have everything booked and invitations sent out but no place for anyone to go. So yeah, as if the situation wasn’t already bad enough. I may end up posting another update if we’re able to sort this out. &nbsp; *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Salty-groom/comments/13oxj8o/update_posted_aita_for_uninviting_my_family_to_my/)** May 20, '23 (*Editors note: OP tried to post this update on AITA but mods deleted it. He added the final update into his original post as an edit on May 22nd but it was originally posted on the 20th*) &nbsp; **Final Update:** It has been an absolute ride over here. My BIL ended up calling to request the venue in his name, as everyone suggested, but it was in fact already rebooked. My mom got a call saying her uncle sent in a higher deposit in his name claiming he was covering the cost for us to compensate for a higher headcount. He was essentially dangling the venue over our heads in order for us to go back on our word for not having that side of the family at the reception. I’m not sure how any of that works and it seems incredibly unprofessional on the venue’s part. J was willing to give in and just allow everyone to come at this point, mainly because we needed a venue and it was impossible to find a new one with such a short time frame. I was not, and given everyone’s collective outrange on the original post, I had enough of them. They had abused J behind my back and insulted our relationship, they didn't deserve to celebrate our marriage. One of the groomsladies came to the rescue and offered up her small property about 30min from the original site. Bless her. We transformed this place into something that somewhat resembles a wedding venue two days leading up to it. It looked really good at the end, it had somewhat of a rustic woodsy vibe, which Jace and I actually really liked. In fact, we liked it so much that we decided to have the ceremony there as well. One of J’s cousins was officiating and the original location had a refundable deposit as well, so it would all work out. The wedding was perfect and the greatest day of my life. Despite the pitfalls, J and I had a truly fantastic day. I did not tell my mom’s family about the change of plans. I told them that they could come to the reception, at the venue they paid for, and that I was so sorry for being disrespectful to them. They were not pleased when they realized we had switched venues for both events, and thankfully, were unable to get the new address. My uncle demanded we refund him for the deposit, which we obiously didn't. J and I blocked all of their numbers after sending them the early drafts of the wedding photos, which were edited so it looked as if I were wearing a dress just to piss them off. We’ve decided to go NC with all of them, something that we probably should’ve done a long time ago. My siblings have as well and my mom is LC. I still don't know why they chose to act the way they did, though some of their more creepy behavior have come to light. Neither of us are willing to go into depth on everything my family has done, but needless to say, I am fine with never speaking to them ever again. J said in a few years, he’s open to maybe seeing them at any potential family events. He's far too kind. We have decided though, that when kids come into the picture, they will not have any contact with these people. And before anyone asks, everyone at the wedding left the original venue a harsh review. Was it petty? Yes, but none of us care. Both J and I would like to thank everyone for their support and well wishes as we go on to start our lives together. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for uninviting my family to my wedding after they feminized my fiancé?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13u185y/aita_for_uninviting_my_family_to_my_wedding_after/

13ubxqq

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/8cowfarmwife. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!husband for the win!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13jc5wt/aita_for_backing_out_of_babysitting_a_friends/)**: May 16, 2023** I feel like I can admit that I am one of TAs in this situation but I guess I want to know if it’s justified or not? So a week ago, I got a phone call from someone I would consider a friend. We’re not super close, but we’re friendly, and get together with the same group of friends a lot. She called and said that her kids were talking about how much fun they have with mine, and wanted to know if we were free this coming Saturday (a week and a half away, at the time). My kids really do like her kids, and I want to be better friends with her as well, so I said sure! She was relieved, and said her husband would be out of town and she needed a babysitter from 8 AM to 10PM. I felt like it was a major bait and switch, because I thought she wanted to do something all together, but I felt bad backing out when I had already told her I was completely free that day. I should have said something right then, but I didn’t. Well yesterday, I ran into a friend of mine and she asked if I was excited for Saturday. I thought that was weird, because no, I’m not excited to babysit someone else’s kids for 14 hours. But I said my kids were definitely excited. She said “oh good! Is your husband taking them to do something fun? Or who is watching them?” To which I made a face and responded that I was watching them, and then she was the one who was confused, and said “so you’re not coming?” Well, last week I didn’t go to the end of year PTA meeting because I had just started my period and I felt crummy and didn’t want to go. I guess after the fact, some friends went out to lunch. They decided to plan a big girls day to relax before the kids are back home all day for the summer. Going to the city, shopping, pedicures, eating at nice restaurants, etc., and when it was brought up that I would probably love to go too, this “friend” said she needed to talk to me about some PTA stuff I missed so she would tell me about it when she called me. But instead, she decided to use me as her babysitter. So I called the “friend” and told her I wasn’t aware of the girls day at the time, and that I wouldn’t be able to watch her kids after all. She asked if my husband could watch her kids too, which was a NO. She started crying that she really needed this, and what would she do now since her husband won’t be home and it’s too late to find someone willing to watch 5 kids for 14 hours (with no pay) and then once the tears weren’t working, she just got angry. She said it was rude to back out of a commitment just so I could selfishly do something fun, and how I’m an awful friend. My friends are all feeling super uncomfortable with the whole thing. We’re all typically a very happy, drama free friend group, so I know no one wants to take sides, and now I’m wondering if I even go at all. So AITA for backing out of watching her kids when I committed to it already? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Obviously your group isn't as drama free as you say:* "It’s true though. We’re not super tight knit. We don’t get together that often, and I know there’s times some get together and others don’t, and it’s not a big deal. But I am beginning to wonder if maybe it is a little more tight knit than I realized, and I’m just not a part of it in that way." *You should really question those friends siding with her:* "This has been the most hurtful part of it all. So we’re not the type of friend group that gets together all the time and live at each other’s houses or anything. We get together for birthdays every once in a while or after a meeting like this day. But I’ve known most of them since I’ve lived here for over a decade, so I thought we had some substance to our relationships.. but no one is acting like it was super absurd." "I’m honestly wondering if I even want to go at this point. Before writing the post I was just angry and annoyed at this one person.. but after reading comments and thinking about it, I’m just kind of sad that no one really cared. By the way, I’m definitely NOT saying I’ll stay and watch her kids.. but maybe just spend the day doing something for myself." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13jc5wt/aita_for_backing_out_of_babysitting_a_friends/jl2q6it/?context=3)**: May 21, 2023 (in comments)** I had someone ask for an update on what I ended up doing yesterday, so here it is! I followed the advice from a lot of you to talk to one of the friends I’m closer to in the group, Sarah, to kind of get a feel for what was going on. Sarah said she was kind of frustrated with everyone. After I had run into the friend (her name is Kacy, to make it less confusing!) Kacy had filled everyone in on what had happened. They all agreed that the mean friend (Jenny) shouldn’t have lied or tricked me into watching her kids, but they all sympathize with her. I guess it is Jenny’s 15th anniversary this weekend, but her husband forgot and had planned a boys camping trip. So she was sad and angry with her husband, and they all knew she would really need a little getaway to cheer her up. Though it doesn’t sound like anyone blamed me for not babysitting, they were disappointed for her, and put all of their energy into making a plan for her to still be able to go. No one really seemed to bat an eye whether I was going to go or not, or care that I was sad, except for Sarah. However, when it came time to make final plans for everything, someone decided to do the math and realized that if I was going to come, we would no longer all fit into the Suburban my friend Kim was going to drive. It’s a two hour drive to the city, so taking one vehicle was definitely ideal. Sarah volunteered to drive her car and we would just take two, but it all just felt so forced and so uncomfortable that I just ended up backing out. I mentioned in a few of my comments that I have always known I’m not one of the most involved friends in the group, but I’ve known most of them for almost a decade, so I guess I thought there was more substance to our friendship than they all did. I don’t think any of them have anything against me or dislike me.. but I’m realizing I’m just not that important to them. It was pretty disappointing, and it definitely opened my eyes! So that all happened on Thursday, and im not gonna lie, I was pretty heartbroken by it all. The next day when my husband came home for lunch, he told me to hurry and pack an overnight bag, because he had booked a hotel room for me and my sister in law to go have our own girls night. His mom and sister pulled up an hour later so his mom could watch the kids after my husband went back to work, and his sister (who is seriously just the best) and I had the best 24 hour getaway ever. Some people can be real jerks. I just feel so dang lucky that my husband and family aren’t!

AITA for backing out of babysitting a friend’s kids at the last minute?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13ubxqq/aita_for_backing_out_of_babysitting_a_friends/

13ukk1o

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/justathrowaway157. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Trigger Warning:** >!homophobia, sexual harassment !< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12wolja/aita_for_storming_out_a_restaurant_and_putting/)**: April 23, 2023** On mobile. I need to start off by saying that I (19m) have mild autism and I was homeschooled. I have trouble navigating social situations (though I think I’ve gotten better since coming to college) which makes me think I might be in the wrong here. Since coming to college, I got a group of friends and it’s been fun except they insist that I’m in love with our new friend Mark (20m). He joined our group about a month ago. Me and Mark have a lot of things in common so we bonded quickly. Because of that, our other friends said that “we are in love” and “made for each other”. It was a good laugh until they kept repeating it. They kept making claims that made it sound like I had feelings for him and it got super weird. For instance, one day we were hanging out in Mark’s dorm and I left when an emergency came up. In my rush I left my charger. It got returned to me but the others claimed I left it on purpose so I “could leave a piece of me with him”. Another time I was eating spaghetti and some of them said I was “practicing to eat Mark’s ass”….Comments like this occur about 6 or 7 times a day. I have no idea where it’s coming from. I’m not even gay. A week ago. I asked Mark if he was as uncomfortable with it as I am. He didn’t know they said those things because they never said it to him. It’s only been to me (idk why). I sent a message to our group chat: “guys, the comments you make about me and Mark are really making me uncomfortable. Especially since I found out they’ve only been directed at me. Please stop. I don’t find them funny or amusing.” They apologized and said they wouldn’t do it again. Friday, 6 of us (excluding Mark) went to dinner together. While we were waiting to order, Jada (19f) asked if I wanted to date Mark. I told her no and to drop that stuff since it makes me uncomfortable. She asked why I was so uncomfortable if it’s not true. I told her that’s exactly why: it’s not true but they keep talking like it is. She said it is true and she knows it’s true. I could feel myself getting angry and didn’t want to meltdown so I just left. Walked out and drove back to my dorm. I texted the group chat that I did not wish to be around Jada given what happened. Jada got mad and said I was “letting a guy ruin our friendship” and “i didn’t know how to take a joke.” I’ve ignored her messages and calls. All of our friends side with me but a few of them said it was putting them in an awkward position and I should let it go. I already stated that I’m not the best with social interactions, so I’m thinking maybe i am TA. ***Relevant Comments:*** *NTA. You're being bullied by your so-called friends:* "It was just Jada. The others stopped once I messaged the group chat" *You handled it REALLY well* "Thank you. I have meltdowns when I get angry/upset and I’ve been trying to manage them better. I didn’t know if leaving was the mature thing or not since I’m not the best socially" *Someone points out that their comments are verging on homophobia:* "Maybe it’s homophobic? I guess. Not gonna lie, I thought because I wasn’t comfortable with their comments, that I was the one being homophobic" *If you're really concerned, you could check with Mark to make sure nothing you're doing is giving mixed signals:* "That’s a good to ask Mark just in case. No I’m not real worried about it, but it doesn’t hurt to check." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13p3z3f/update_aita_for_storming_out_a_restaurant_and/)**: May 22, 2023 (1 month later)** There were a lot of comments. I didn’t respond to all of them but I did read most and think about the situation. First thing I did was talk to Mark. He assured me that my behavior never seemed flirtatious or inappropriate. I told him that I gonna cutoff the rest of them. He told me he would do the same but I told him not to. I appreciate the support but I’m the one having the issue. I didn’t speak to anyone from that group except for Mark for a couple weeks. I’ve been meeting new people and it’s going fine. Then a few days later, some came by my room and wanted to talk to me. To my surprise, it was the four people (Chris, Emma, Ty, and Mica) who I wasn’t as close with as the others. We started talking and the first thing they did was apologize for the situation and for making me uncomfortable. I asked them one of my biggest things I was curious about; ‘why were the comments directed at only me?’ Here’s what I learned: Jada told them she talked to me and they could make comments to me and I would be okay with it, but said she talked to Mark and he said he would be uncomfortable. I didn’t believe this until they showed me the messages. I never told Jada this and I doubt she talked to Mark, so she lied, and that’s when it started. I was still confused on why she would make them in the first place. Ty, Mica, and Chris didn’t know but Emma showed me her messages with Jada. To the person who asked if Jada has a crush on Mark, you are incorrect. Jada has a crush on me. For the past four months. Even though I’m not the best socially, once I saw the messages, I’m pretty sure she was jealous of Mark and was trying to make me uncomfortable around him. The other 3 saw the messages and thought the same thing. So she was jealous. Nobody aside from Emma knew this though. They just joined in because they thought it would be funny. I asked ‘why is me being uncomfortable a joke or funny?’ They didn’t have a response. I told them what alot of people told me in the replies: How it was bullying and homophobic to make such remarks and disguising them as ‘jokes’ is just an excuse. I acknowledged that I should’ve said something sooner, but it also should have never gotten to that point. They again apologized and asked if I could forgive them. Truthfully I have already gotten past the situation and moved on. Ultimately, I did decide to give these four a second chance. The fact they came to talk, apologize, explain, and weren’t on the defensive or dismissive when I was explaining how I felt or what made them wrong; I think that’s a good sign. It will take a bit longer to fully regain my trust but haven’t had any issues since then. **Edit: May 24 (I have mods permission to post this because it's just clarifying info)** I talked to my parents about the situation and they were confused on some things, so I thought maybe I should clarify here as well. When I said a few weeks, I meant about 18 or 19 days. Which is still a long time but it wasn’t almost a month later. Maybe I should’ve specified that in the update. There’s a few reasons it took them some time though. 1. I was actively avoiding/ignoring the group. 2. My dad said the four of them probably didn’t notice at first. Like I said, I wasn’t as close with them as the others, and counting me and mark, the group had 16 people. My dad said it probably took them a while to realize I wasn’t hanging around them at all. 3. I started summer school. That has taken up most of my time and focus. It’s also why it’s update is late when it occurred like a week ago. I forgot about it. Some of you guys said to be wary of Emma. My mom actually advised the same thing. Like I said, they are slowly building my trust back but it takes time. It will take more time with her.Lastly, I want to thank everyone who gave their input on the situation. I was honestly really close to blowing up several times but like I said, I'm trying to manage them better. I try to follow the example my grandfather set. My parents (and some people who messaged me) asked if I forgave too easily. I honestly don’t know. But I believe in second chances.

AITA for storming out a restaurant and putting some friends in an awkward position?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13ukk1o/aita_for_storming_out_a_restaurant_and_putting/

13uwfoc

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/lavenderlullabyes **in** r/TwoHotTakes trigger warnings: >!racism, homophobia, talk of cheating, manipulation!< mood spoilers: >!hopeful!< **I formatted this differently since OOP put the TLDR for the update at the top of the OP.**   [**WIBTA if I break up with my boyfriend because he thinks it’s immoral to cheat on an abusive partner?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13o4zo9/wibta_if_i_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_he/) \- May 21, 2023 Original post: To be clear, nobody in this situation is abusive and nobody is a cheater. My boyfriend (26M) of two years and I (24F) got into an argument that started with the musical Waitress, which is about a woman who cheats on her abusive husband with her gynecologist (she’s also pregnant). The husband is physically and financially abusive and won’t let her leave him, though she is secretly saving up money to enter a pie baking competition, so she can hopefully use the prize money to leave him & find a better future for herself and her baby. Here’s my take: I don’t condone cheating, but imo if your partner’s hitting you and trying to take all your money then you don’t owe them any loyalty. At that point you’re more of a prisoner than partner and you don’t have to feel bad for cheating. It’s better if you don’t, because you might be in a lot of danger if your abuser finds out, but I wouldn’t shame the cheater. However, in this case the doctor also has a wife, which the main character knows from the beginning but ignores until she meets said wife, at which point she ends the affair. So, I think she’s in the wrong for sleeping with a married man (the wife deserves better and has every right to hate both of them) but not wrong for cheating on her husband. My boyfriend is a lot more religious than I am and says that there is never an excuse for cheating. He says adultery is always a sin and if she wanted to have a new relationship she should’ve waited until she could leave him. He says the husband is wrong for abusing her but she also made vows to be faithful to him & two wrongs don’t make a right. He says he doesn’t know if he could remain friends with someone who cheated on her husband, even if he was abusive. Personally I think this take is batshit crazy (ofc i didn’t say that to his face) & I find his rigid definition of sin/immorality alarming. He says I don’t understand because I’m not religious. I said I don’t think religion validates not having empathy for an abuse victim & recognizing that the relationship dynamic changes once abuse starts. I also think the idea of cutting off a friend for cheating on her abuser is horrific. He says it shouldn’t matter bc neither of us plan on abusing or cheating on the other and he doesn’t want to keep going back and forth about it, but I can’t stop thinking about it and the longer I think the more disturbing I find it. He’s never been cheated on or abused so it’s not like some traumatic psychological thing, he just can’t wrap his mind around cheating being okay in any circumstance. Up till now religion has never been a reason for disagreement (and neither of us want kids so I didn’t think it would) but the whole “you don’t understand because you’re not religious” really got on my nerves. Both of us agree that the doctor is unequivocally wrong both for cheating and for hooking up with a vulnerable patient. He deserves to get dumped and fired and have his medical license revoked, but that’s not really relevant. It feels a little ridiculous to end a relationship because of an argument that started with a fictional musical about pie, but here I am. Am I overreacting? Edit to clarify: I’m not trying to justify or condone actual cheating in any way. I would never encourage or support someone to cheat, no matter their circumstances. The point of disagreement is that I think the cheater being an abuse victim who can’t leave is reason to have compassion for why they did it, and it’s messed up to end a friendship over that. Link to update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13p26ld/update\_wibta\_for\_breaking\_up\_with\_my\_boyfriend/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=ios\_app&utm\_name=ioscss&utm\_content=2&utm\_term=1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13p26ld/update_wibta_for_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1) TLDR of Update: (Now-ex) bf lied (both outright and by omission) about most of his beliefs so I would date him, and thought I wouldn’t care when I found out bc he has nice abs and a rich family. Once I dumped him, he made up a new lie about me cheating on him, and his mom has condemned me to hell.   [**(Update): WIBTA for breaking up with my boyfriend because he thinks it’s immoral to cheat on an abusive partner?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13p26ld/update_wibta_for_breaking_up_with_my_boyfriend/) \- May 22, 2023 First off, thanks for all the replies to the original post. The reason I turned to Reddit was because he was shutting down conversation while I wasn’t ready to let it go, and you guys helped me figure out why exactly it bothered me and how to organize my thoughts to better communicate them. As most of you said, the core issue wasn’t really about the musical or hypothetical situation; it was about the implication of underlying principles that I didn’t agree with & the inconsistency in his religious beliefs, as well as the tone of religious superiority, that got to me. So, I brought it up again last night (over FaceTime, we don’t live together, fortunately) and he was quite upset that I wouldn’t let it go because I’m “normally not argumentative like this.” It’s true that I usually try to find common ground/compromise, but I thought that was weird of him to say. At this point I felt pretty guilty about not letting it slide and I considered dropping it, but I’d spent too much time thinking about it to let it go, and boy am I glad I didn’t. I started by asking about why this was a situation that could be dictated solely by religious doctrine, while he’s fine with things like premarital sex, abortion, homosexuality, etc. He gave evasive answers for a ridiculously long time but eventually it all came out. He is uncomfortable with gay people and distances himself from them too. What about our gay friends? Apparently they’re my friends, not our friends. I guess we’ve only hung out with them in larger groups. Why has he never said anything about this before, even when I excitedly told him that two of our female friends were engaged? Apparently he thinks he shouldn’t have had to say anything, and I should’ve known he’s not okay with people who “live in sin.” Also this couple “won’t really be married.” Huh? I go to pride every year to support my LGBTQ+ friends. He never criticized me for doing that, so why would I think he had a problem with it? I’m a quiet person by nature, it’s not like I don’t give him a chance to share his opinion. At this point I start to get really suspicious. I then ask him about abortion/being okay with not wanting kids. Turns out he does want kids. He tried to convince me that I misunderstood when he said he didn’t want kids, and he was just saying that he wasn’t ready for kids yet but would be in the future. This is an outright lie. I’ve known since I was about 14 that I never want kids and I have never wavered on that. I always bring this up within the first few dates and I distinctly remember him saying that he was looking forward to child-free adulthood, and how much freedom DINKs (double income no kids) have. This is when I start to get really upset because I know he’s lying to me. (Looking back now I realize I never went back to to asking him about abortion because I was so shaken by the kids revelation. I wouldn’t be surprised if he outright lied about being pro choice as well). The conversation continued with us talking about religion in general. As I said, I’m not religious, and he’s never tried to get me to go to church with him or anything. I was raised by immigrant parents who practice a minority religion, but they are not devout/they favor scientific explanations and they raised me to be respectful of others’ beliefs. I thought he understood that; in the past he’s asked me about cultural and religious customs and seemed respectful and interested. Turns out he thinks their religion is “not real” (as opposed to his) and it’s “interesting to see their customs” but “we can’t expect them to know better” because “they weren’t well educated.” (Both of my parents not only went to reputable universities in their original country, but also went on to get masters’ degrees in the country we live in now). That’s when I realized he’s a bigot. I also asked him about why he’s okay with premarital sex but not any of the other stuff, and he hemmed and hawed and didn’t have an answer, which is when I realized he’s a horny nincompoop. At this point he’s still acting like I’m the bad guy for not automatically knowing all these things he’s either never said & not automatically knowing when he meant the opposite of what he said. By now I know that I’m done with this relationship, but I ask him why, if religion is so important to him, he’s okay with me not being religious. Long story short, he basically thought that by the time it all came out, I’d be so obsessed with him that I wouldn’t dare leave him, and I would become a follower of his religion because “let’s be honest, \[he’s\] out of \[my\] league and \[I\] won’t find anyone better now that \[I’m\] getting fat” (I’ve gone from a size 2 to a size 4 in two years, wtf?) and some frankly racist, elitist crap about how his (rich) family is better than mine. This whole time he was acting like I was ridiculous for overreacting to all these revelations. Finally I told him it was over and he didn’t seem to believe me. Whatever, I know I’m done with him. I went to bed angry and upset but I woke up more relieved that I know the truth now. It’s going to take me a while to trust again after all those lies, but better that it happen now when I can make a clean break than if it happened after I’d moved in with him or after I’d gotten pregnant and he’d gotten me arrested for seeking an abortion. Luckily I have the day off work today to process it all mentally. I didn’t have any texts or calls from him this morning, so I figured he’d either accepted it or was still in denial, I didn’t care much. THEN a few hours ago I got a very angry voicemail from his mom (a woman I’ve met twice & has my number because we exchanged a few recipes) telling me I’m going to hell for, among other things, cheating on her baby boy. That’s right, this guy must be a pathological liar or something, because his response to me dumping him for being a liar was to run to mommy with a new lie about me hooking up with some fictional man from work. Forget the fact I’m not a cheater, I don’t even work with any men who would fit this lie. I sent the mom a text spelling out the truth and told her I was blocking her, which I did. \[Continued in comments— I had to split this because it was too long\] **OOP's continued update from the comments. Emphasis is OOP's.** **Please upvote this to keep it at the top of the comments. I had to split up the post because it was to long, but it’s a continuation of the post, not a separate comment** Since then I’ve been reaching out to friends to tell them my side of the story before he feeds them a bunch of lies too. Fortunately the ones I’ve talked to so far believe me, bc I was kinda scared about the fact I don’t have any proof besides the voicemail, and he is the more charismatic and persuasive one. The friend group is pretty liberal minded though and it is bizarre that his opinions never came up before. But I guess he saw them as “my friends” while his church friends, who I never saw much of, were “his friends.” Overall, I’m trying to stay optimistic, but it’s terrifying how smoothly he could lie to me for so long. It only came out because he let his guard down because we were talking about a fictional story. Initially I felt ridiculous for not letting it drop; THANK YOU to those who encouraged me to trust my instincts and get to the root of what bothered me. Finally, though it didn’t come up again, I’ll say again for the record that *Abuse victims whose partners won’t let them leave are prisoners, not partners. They do not owe their captors any loyalty. Infidelity in that context is not a healthy or safe or smart choice, but people make bad choices when they’re in survival mode. We don’t have to condemn them for it.* The number of people on that thread who seem to consider abuse and cheating as equal transgressions is seriously disturbing. Anyway… on to the rest of my life, I guess! **Reminder - I am not the original poster. Marking as Concluded since OOP has ended the relationship.**

WIBTA if I break up with my boyfriend because he thinks it’s immoral to cheat on an abusive partner?

CONCLUDED

Johannes_Chimp

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13uwfoc/wibta_if_i_break_up_with_my_boyfriend_because_he/

13v4oth

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Whole-Balance-4311 **I (M24) found out my girlfriend (20F) is homeless** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice [Original Post recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/mspr07/i_m24_found_out_my_girlfriend_20f_is_homeless/) **Apr 17, 2021** **TL;DR**: Saw my girlfriend standing outside of a homeless shelter in a food-line. We've been dating for a couple months and I want to offer her to stay at my apartment, but I don't want to completely dominate the power balance in our relationship or make her feel like she owes me. Yesterday morning, I went to go out for a walk around the city and noticed a girl that looked familiar standing in a line at a homeless shelter. I took a double glance and saw a hoodie that was mine and then recognized my girlfriend, "Kat." I was pretty shocked by seeing her there, but didn't approach her because I didn't want to embarrass her or anything. So for background info, I met Kat in February at a Dunkin's. I started making small talk with with her when I saw we were both wearing the same Dodgers hat. I offered to pay for her drink after shooting the shit for a minute in line and got to know her when she asked if I wanted to sit down with her. As we were finishing up our drink, I asked her out on a date and she accepted. As the last couple of months went by, things were going great with us. I learned that she was working two jobs, wanted to go to college, was a devout Catholic (She invited me to attend mass; I'm not Catholic, but went out of respect), yet I noticed that she never brought up her family accept when she mentioned her dad who was a Marine that passed away when she was a kid. Fast forward to the present, and I ended up sending a good morning text inside the Dunkin's as I was looking to see if it was really her. Like clockwork, she pulled out her phone and told me that she was at her "apartment" and that she was "cooking breakfast." It was really surprising for me because I always dropped her off at a nice apartment building whenever a date was over, but I guess she did that to give off the appearance that she wasn't homeless? Now, I want to talk to Kat about her situation. She's kind of a social introvert to put it lightly. If she truly is homeless, I want to offer Kat to stay at my place. The only problem is that I don't want to come off like she "owes" me or anything like that. I also want to respect her Catholic faith because she told me that she wants to wait to give up her virginity after I originally invited her over to my place before I knew she was homeless (The Catholics aren't fond of unmarried cohabitation either). Thoughts on how I can navigate this? Edit: I forgot to mention that Kat has an older sedan. I know that I'm making a lot of assumptions, but I'm guessing that she lives inside her car because she doesn't carry a backpack around her all the time and she wears a nice dress and flats when she goes to mass. The other clothing she wears is sorta just casual. Think your typical Converse, skinny jeans, and overcoat. Nothing too fancy or too dingy. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Puzzleheaded-Hurry26  >I feel like a lot of these comments and suggestions are missing step 1: talk to Kat. If you want to continue having a relationship with her, you have to be able to have open and honest conversations, even about hard things. Don’t make it accusatory. Just be very straightforward, but also open and sympathetic: “When I was at Dunkin’ the other day, I saw you in the food line across the street. Is everything ok? I’m worried, and I want to know if/how I can help.” All of this should be underscored with the message that you care about her, wholeheartedly. This is not coming from a place of pity. This is coming from a place of concern for someone that you care deeply about. . notthegoatseguy  >It was really surprising for me because I always dropped her off at a nice apartment building whenever a date was over, but I guess she did that to give off the appearance that she wasn't homeless? >People who are homeless often aren't homeless all the time. They may have temporary housing of some sorts with family or friends, but other nights they may be out in their cars, streets, or shelters. Also not uncommon to go to shelters just to get a meal. The homeless shelter in my city does lunch every day and anyone can go and get lunch, no questions asked. Doesn't matter if you are sleeping on the street or in the nearby apartments. >(The Catholics aren't fond of unmarried cohabitation either). >lol us Catholics can be very flexible on our ideology especially when it comes to how it governs us. >Anyway, I think you just need to talk to Kat, mention you saw her, and that you'd like to help. I wouldn't offer any specific kind of help, let her tell you what she needs. One day she may need money, another clothing, and another just some gas in the car to make it to a friend or family's place. And then the ball is in your court if you want to offer that type of help or support or not. . PaticusGnome  >I used to be homeless (5 years) and dated two women in that time that let me live in their home. The power dynamic was not the issue. If the relationship has good communication and you both are aware of it, it doesn't have to be a problem. The real problem came when the relationship started nearing its natural end. Suddenly, I wasn't just losing a girlfriend. I was losing a home, a bathroom, a kitchen, a bed, AND a partner. It made me work extra hard to save the relationship when I would have otherwise let it go a long time ago. That made for months of unnecessary suffering for both of us. It created a codependent dynamic and made the final breakup WAY harder than it needed to be. Now that I have my own place, I don't have those issues. Something to consider. [Update recovered with rareddit](https://www.rareddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/msy2sa/update_i_m24_found_out_my_girlfriend_20f_is/) **Apr 17, 2021** So for starters, I wanted to thank the people on the sub for hitting me up with some good advice on both sides, but I want to especially thank u/Puzzleheaded-Hurry26, u/notthegoatseguy, and, u/PaticusGnome I ended up meeting Kat at the local park we usually walk through after she got off work earlier today since it's out in the open, yet still private enough to have a serious conversation. I told Kat that I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable or ashamed, but that I saw her at a line at a homeless shelter yesterday and wanted to talk to her if there was anything up or if she needed help. Kat immediately began to cry and showed her nervous tics (fidgeting around, wrinkling her nose, etc.). She began stuttering on her words and I consoled her until she began to gather herself again. I told Kat that she didn't have to feel like she had to hide anything from me, and she began to open up about everything. Kat told me that she had been homeless for over a year. She grew up in a broken home after her dad passed away in Iraq when she was a kid back in 2006. Her mother fell into alcoholism and had pretty much blown whatever savings she had from the death gratuity she received and basically lived paycheck to paycheck. Despite this, her faith with the Church was the only real thing that gave her stability and hope to carry on with her daily life. At 18, she joined the Marines because she wanted to honor her father and escape the life she had grown up with. Although, she ended up getting ELSed (Entry-level Separation), and was chaptered out of the USMC due to her developing asthma while in Basic. She ended up moving to our current city on the East Coast because she didn't want to return to California where her mother was. Kat ended up barely scraping by to where she saved up to buy her older car to sleep in away from the shelters around December of last year. Kat ended up sharing to me that she was on the verge of suicide around the time I met her and wanted to play up like she didn't have "baggage" and elaborated on how she didn't want to scare me off by admitting she was homeless. So she had me drop her off at the one apartment building and split the tab of our dates to appear like everything was normal. Truthfully, I felt gutted hearing her story. I had a feeling that things were probably bad for her, but I didn't think it was that bad. Kat showed me her DD-214 (I'm currently an E-5 in the Army Reserve so I knew that her story was verifiable) as well as the pictures she had of her past. I told her that I wanted to help her out in anyway and that I was open to having her move to my place with the added kicker that we could go to Ikea to get her a bedset to make my living room into her living space since I wanted to respect her physical boundaries that was in place from her Catholic faith. Kat was very hesitant because of her pride and she didn't want to come off like she was accepting a handout due to pity, but I reassured her that it wasn't with a handout or come with a catch. I told Kat that I loved her (first time I said that) and wanted to help her feel secure. She looked at me with a sort of disbelief and asked me if I really meant it, and I did. Kat reciprocated by saying that she loved me to and accepted. As far as the conditions go, I told her to meet me at 30% of the rent and to put whatever money she had into starting summer classes at the local community college and that she could stay with me for as long as she wanted if she felt comfortable with pre-marital cohabitition. A last thanks for the advice on everything! Our convo was a long one and took a lot emotionally from Kat so she is currently crashing at my couch until she wakes up so we can get her bed at Ikea later tonight. Once again thank you for giving advice as it really allowed me to vent on what was going on. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (M24) found out my girlfriend (20F) is homeless

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13v4oth/i_m24_found_out_my_girlfriend_20f_is_homeless/

13vbk2w

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/pancakegoboom in r/toddlers** mood spoilers: >!funny!< --- [**Oh no. Oh no it happened.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/toddlers/comments/13oqyfb/oh_no_oh_no_it_happened/) - May 22, 2023 Well, we are spending a few days at the inlaws while work is being done at our place. MIL and SIL are gone on a trip. It's just FIL and BIL(who lives in the basement and not accessible to the toddler)... husband let me sleep in. Beautiful. What a guy. Love him. I wake up, make a pot of coffee, enjoy the birds, go to give my son a hug and hes got something in his hand... "that's a weird carrot where did you get that?.... NOT A CARROT. NOT A CARROT." Husband had already left to check on the house so I call him and I'm like "DID YOU NOT SEE YOUR SON WITH A BUTTPLUG IN HIS HAND?!?? WHERE DID HE GET THIS?!" And I heard about 10 thousand giggles because apparently he put it on speakerphone. Now I'm debating on how exactly to figure out whose buttplug this is. Do I just send a pic in the family group chat and tell them it's been placed in a designated location and whomever can go and get it peacefully. Do I just quietly message the understanding MIL because she will know if it's hers or FILs and if it's not, There's only 1 suspect. Do I just throw it out? I'm like 90% sure it's probably MILs (or FILs no judgement). From the amount of dog hair on it I feel like it was under a couch or bed or something and had been forgotten/lost. Ugh. I was not prepared for this. I always laugh when it happens to other people. Ps: everyone washed their hands :) Edit: well a pink dildo has made an appearance. He found someone's fun time drawer. Update: So after deciding the best course of action was to just ask, I put the NOT CARROTS in a zip lock bag. FIL was outside having a smoke, and I popped my head out. I decided to brace him by saying "Hey, I have a question. Please don't be too embarrassed, and try not to laugh too hard. But do you recognize this?" And held up the bag without making eye contact. He let out a quiet "oh no..." and took it from me while turning the colour of a cooked lobster. It was MILs. And the icing on the cake is in the 2 mins it took for this to happen, I could have just followed my tiny theif because he came wandering out with another one.. anyways. FIL has duct taped the drawer shut. He says he will talk to MIL about moving her fun drawer. Edit 2: I'm seeing some recurring questions I'll try to answer. Why didn't I follow him?: there's 2 types of toddlers, openers and closers. Some open drawers and doors, other close them. He's a closer. He closes the dishwasher on you while your loading it. He closes the toilet seat while your sitting on it. He even closes his own baby gate. He's only recently started rummaging through drawers, we were unprepared. Because of this, the drawer he got it out of was already closed. And no, he had no interest in showing me his new treasure chest 😭 Are you sure it wasn't a dog toy: Yes. Not only did the emergence for the dildo confirm it, the dog in question only likes tennis balls and won't touch other toys. Did it go in his mouth?: I truly do not know, and it will haunt me forever. Why weren't you watching him?: I had been awake for a total of 3 minutes. Husband woke me, I went pee, husband left, I made coffee, and then chaos. I panicked, tossed it on the kitchen table (ugh i should wash that), grabbed toddler like a football and ran to the bathroom where we washed up. Then i took a moment to look around. Then i called husband, we only live 5-10 mins away so he was already home by then. I don't know how long my son had it. Grandpa left the bedroom door open. Grandpa left his room at 5:30 am, I woke up at 8am. Husband keeps saying "I THOUGHT IT WAS FROM HIS TOYBOX!" And his best guess is he had it for at most 30 mins... he says And to confirm: MIL is out living her best life. She is an adventurous and sex positive woman. My InLaws are in a very loving relationship and are very nice responsible and respectable humans. And while we did want to spare the owner public embarrassment, you better believe FIL will be quietly teasing her about this for eternity. I don't think anyone is going to be able mention carrots around him again without him turning red and giggling. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Toddler finds….not carrots…at in laws house.

CONCLUDED

littlemissemperor

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vbk2w/toddler_findsnot_carrotsat_in_laws_house/

13vfsx2

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowraHusbandDoesnt **(OOP has since deleted her account)** **My husband(38M) doesn't think I(39F) love him** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13owh14/my_husband38m_doesnt_think_i39f_love_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 22, 2023** For reference, let's call my husband Jack and my daughter Lily. Jack and I've been married for about ten years, dated for five, and have a four year old. Overall we've had an absolutely wonderful relationship Sure occasionally we hit a rocky spot but we always recovered stronger than ever. Most of our friends look at us as the ideal couple too. I've never doubted that he loves me and I've tried my best to reciprocate it, even when he wasn't home often during our first five years of marriage, he came back home after that since he got a promotion. We have great communication and I already am planning on how to approach this with him but a second opinion would be nice just in case someone else already dealt with something similar. Yesterday he was doing some very acrobatic exercise in our backyard. He does this every day even when he's almost delerious from fever, which was hilarious to see. I joked that he'd leave me to become a monk. He just froze for a second and responded, 'maybe, after Lily grows up'. Sure this could just be playful ribbing but I had a bad feeling in my gut and kept poking at him. He almost fell down, which is very odd since he has excellent balance, made me leave so he could focus on his stuff. That especially made the feeling even worse. The rest of the conversation happened at dinner. The gist of what he said is something like, "the signs are all there". He mentioned that we haven't been as romantic or intimate as of recent. He even said something about less attraction on my end, which isn't true. Then mentioned 'weeks of silence', I don't remember this happening at all. frequent absence, I haven't been going out much except with my friends for dinner dates. Which isn't often just four times a week for now. Something about initiation. The only one that somewhat made sense was how I was cutting couple time for friend time or game time, which doesn't happen all that often. I can only count two or three times last week where I did that and we still had an hour or so out of planned three or four to spend together so he shouldn't have an issue. What he aiad next honestly broke my heart and I almost started crying right there. "I don't think you love me as much as I do you, but that's fine. We'll raise our kid, grow old and exist till we die. I already have a few hobbies that make me happy. I can't make you responsible for all my happiness, that would be unfair" And he said that with the most deadpan expression ever, like we were talking about the weather or how our day went. I tried to make him understand that this hurt me but it didn't seem to land at all. He just kept staring at me blank faced and I honestly felt terrified. Afterwards we slept in the same bed after he put Lily to sleep and cuddled like normal which was so jarring to me. I've put a lot of work into keeping us together, so to hear this from him has hurt me deeply. It's even worse because what he describes sounds exactly like his parents. They're two old bitter people who stayed together to raise him and still stay together for god know why. I've never seen them be loving towards one another and only once towards him. He was always very particular about that stuff and said he never wants to have something like that. A few years ago he said that he was so glad we weren't like that and that he was so lucky to have someone who actually loves him and won't spontaneously stop because folded clothes wrong. Which made me fall in love all over again to know how much I meant to him. And then there's all that's tuff he said and I honestly can't remember soemthing like not talking to him or silence. But I remmeber how his mother used to forget things. Like she'd do soemthing wrong, get that wrong thing pointed our and then forget it ever happened. One time she was saying something about how my kind of people are less likely to succeed in business and should become a housewife, which is wierd because she's a lawyer and he certainly hasn't said anything like that and is very proud of my passive income stuff. My husband called her out on it stone faced like yesterday and defended me, I didn't like that he said that I made more than him at the time cause I was afraid his mom would say something, but she backed down after that. She forgot about that incident a day later. Couldn't recall that lunch or what we did or anything sound that one hour period. He didn't want to subject me to that but I insisted since family is pretty important to me so we went back a few times. This same thing has happened at least two times, the target switching to him, I'm proud of him for standing up to her and she can't remmeber any of it. Eventually I got a begrudging approval from her, his dad didn't care too much and was, 'Whatever makes you happy,' from the start, which was nice. I'm crying my eyes out at a friend's house, I wanted to take Lily with me this morning but she was in the middle of some class with Jack helping her do some activity the teacher gave them so I just went on my own. I feel so heartbroken right now and I don't know what could have happened to make him think this way. I've been having a great few years since he's been home the last five or so years and lightened th e load on taking care of Lily. What happened? Does anybody have expeirence dealing with something like this? This is a complete breach of my trust and I'm hurting so much from what he said, any advice is helpful. I plan on returning at lunch and dinner for Lily's sake but I'll try to talk to him after I've settled for a day. Tl:dr Husband of 10 years doesn't think I love him anymore and we have a 4 year old. Has anyone dealt with this before and how did you deal with it? Edit 4hrs in: I've cancelled my plans for this week and told my friends nothing about why. One of my close friends who is very friendly toward any husband, asks for him every time I go to their houses, and spoils and plays with my daughter then suggested it was my Husband and said he was controlling and other things. I told to stop but she didn't and nobody in the group did anything to stop her. Some even joined in. I've cut them all off, can't believe this. . . . Edit 5?Hrs in: Working on what to say tonight, also working on replacing friend time with date nights. Somebody said I have to "Make him fall in love with me again", that's a goal. . . . Edit 7 hrs in: Went back home, mostly finished the list of things to say. Found him repeatedly smashing his shoulders into a tree and actually denting it. Lily was watching and eating ice cream. She seemed tired but didn't want to go inside yet. I'm making dinner tonight. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowraHusbandDoesnt/comments/13pqcuz/update_my_husband38m_doesnt_think_i39f_love_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 23, 2023** [Screenshots of since deleted update](https://imgur.com/a/Nt4tarW) This went better than expected. I wish I could say there were tearful embraces and we spent a passionate night rekindling our marriage in record speed like in a lifetime movie. But no. Still, this is what I'd say is one of the best case scenarios. Firstly, I'll clarify from the other post on a few things I've noticed that people are getting blatantly wrong. Most seem to think that I: Are gone without him several nights a week - 2-3 times max four was a unique case and I mistated that. Don't initiate sex - I'm the only one initiating and I get turned down half time time which, as you can imagine, is doing wonderful things to my self worth. I literally have to spend minutes 'convincing' him to get any more than 3 times a week. Cancel plans with him regularly for friends - I want to say no but I'm beginning to doubt my own judgement. He isn't invited out that often to friend night - He is invited to every single friend night, he just prefers not to come. Affair - I'm not going to parties or clubs or anything like that,that a hard boundary I set for him as well, the get togethers and dinners are usually held a few houses down at my former friend's house. A ten minute walk away. Are seemingly disinterested in him, his interests or your family life. - I don't even know how to respond to this I'm tired. Why are you laughing at him being delerious and still having the will to train? - I was next to him with a towel, a inflatable fall bed and water. He would literally drag himself with his fingers to train if he could, I think I'm entitled to a little chuckle after that much safety prep. Now onto the update That could've gone better but I can say with confidence that I've done everything I could when it came to yesterday. Dinner was very good Jack and Lily loved their meals and afterward I did what a commenter suggested and asked Lily "Do you love mommy?", she answered yes. "Do you love daddy?" the yes was bigger. "You think daddy loves mommy?" another adorable yes. "You think mommy loves daddy?" Silence. I felt like I got slapped. I'm not sure if it showed on my face because Jack immediately came between us and rubbed her hair. He gave a very loud, boisterous 'Of course she does,' picked her up and carried her to bed while tickling her. Pretty sure I was still reeling from that revalation but I snapped out of it. Weirdly enough he seemed annoyed when he got back, which is strange since he rarely ever shows something like that. Anyway I remembered my points and pretty much unloaded everything in a half blubbery mess. I said that I was sorry for everything. That I got too caught up with old friends and I was blinded by all the activities and catching up and get togethers that I didn't realise how much time I was cutting from our plans and our time and family. I was sorry for leaving thud morning and trying to make this about me when he's trying his best for our daughter. 'I've been a bad partner I know.' I told him that I really appreciate that even if he has doubts he's still willing to be true to me and I'm proud of him for having the courage to communicate because it really needed to be said and how I couldn't imagine how hard that was for him. That I wouldn't be associating with that group again because I realised what they really thought of him and that I was stupid not to have realised it earlier. That I know I hurt him and broke his trust and I'm sorry he had to go through all of this and that I never noticed because I was too caught up in my life when I should've been caught up in our lives and I'm sorry. That we should be a team and that I don't only want to stay together for Lily but I want him. If he had anything else to say or any doubts to please say it because I'll geniuinely listen this time and won't get defensive. Cue handholding over table That I do really care for him and I was so so sorry that I haven't shown it recently and to please just give me a chance. Just one chance, that's all I needed. To give me the the opportunity to show that I love him. He just took a few breaths and said general issues that I pretty much initially dismissed. The intimacy was because I apparantly rushed it every time and it felt less like making love and more being a living, breathing dildo. That hurt a lot, I swear I felt chest pain right there and I don't understand what I did to possibly make him feel that way. He mentioned how little I spend on Lily as well and that he'd been trying to get us together more often, only to have me come home tired half the time. He also said that it would be a while before he trusts me enough to say anything that might "send you running to your friends", which hurt considering the fact that I gave them up for him but I mostly understood where he was coming from now that I wasn't feeling attacked by what he said. It sitll hurt when he added, "You'll change for a week or two then change right back and forget it ever happened." I told him that was fine and all he had to do was let me show him how much I care. All in all that was great. All the planning paid off and it felt like a weight was off my chest. I even did the small gestures of comfort stuff during it like holding hands and meeting eyes. I could almost see a little change in his expression, mainly the eyes. He was blank faced throughout the whole thing but I could tell he was fighting to not break down since he rarely trembles. One of his tells is when his fingers start to spread out like some silly claw shape, that certainly didn't happen before. I knew there was hope! I've already booked a babysitter on his free day and have a reservation for a fancy restaurant that he likes. He agreed to go out with me with a small nod and I honestly felt ecstatic. I immediately hugged him and even though he was a bit stiff at first he returned it! It's been a while since we've felt together now that I think about it and the feeling is different and bubbly. We went to sleep in the same bed and got excited when he held my neck and brought us closer and stared my eyes while touching foreheads. Then disappointed when he just went to sleep there. I know it'll be a long road and if everything goes well I'll touch on how my needs could be met a bit better. Sex seems to be off the table because as a commenter said, "you pestered him while he was stressed so much that it's a chore to him now and forcing it will only cause resentment". If he initiates, great, I'll try every now and again and not neg him if he doesn't seem into it. I've realised that my ego really took a hit when he refused when I initiated and that I had to beg him other times just to feel loved by the only person whose opinion matters when it comes to my body. We both have work to do, expecially when it comes to communication and I'm already looking for a therapist or counselor who fits our criteria. Also got the books recommended to find our love languages and making this work. Since this morning I've tried my best to initiate regular cuddling, which he seems to prefer over sex at the moment, also little hugs from behind whne he's cooking or kisses and pecks make him jolt him sometimes. I don't know how I could've missed this. He even turned his cheek to the side one time but that might've been by accident. He's been very receptive otherwise and our daughter seems to be happier for it. Might update one more time at the end of the week and that should be it. Thanks for everyone who helped me come up with points and what to do. And to all those people who say he should leave me. Seethe. It isn't happening. Tl:dr Second chance! **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

My husband(38M) doesn't think I(39F) love him

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vfsx2/my_husband38m_doesnt_think_i39f_love_him/

13vfwkg

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/throwawaymom_12. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Mood Spoiler:** >!hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13lyeb9/aita_for_making_a_separate_portion_of_stuffing/)**: May 19, 2023** I (33F) am married to John (35M). Together we have a daughter (3F) and are currently expecting our second child together. We both also have a child from previous relationships: I have Liam (8M) from my previous marriage, and my husband has Ava (10F). I make Sunday lunch for my family every week. On Friday, Liam asked if I could make stuffing without onions this week. Liam doesn't normally eat stuffing. He tried it a few times, decided he wasn't a fan, and that was it. He tried it with his dad the weekend before (we have 50/50 custody, so our weekends vary) and liked it. I agreed, and on Sunday made my son his own stuffing without onions. It's no big deal, after all, and I'm happy to make separate portions of anything if it means my children eat more. This is where the problem starts. We sit at the dining table and John points out that Liam has stuffing on his plate. Liam tells him that I made him stuffing without onions, because he likes it without the onions. Immediately, I noticed Ava's mood sour, and when I pressed her, she asked why I didn't make her stuffing without onions when she'd asked about it months ago. Now, I'd understand where she was coming from if she'd actually asked but I had no clue what she was talking about. I said as much, and she told me that she'd brought it up with John, who said he'd talk to me. John never spoke to me about it, and told Ava that it was 'too much work' for me to take out the onions just for her. John said he didn't tell me because he thought it'd be too hard on me, wanted to make things easier, thought I'd only say no anyway. He even said that it didn't make sense to make a separate portion for just one person. He said it was stupid that I'd even done it for Liam. He said the kids should learn to either make do with onions or not have stuffing at all, because not everything in life is going to go their way. I called him an idiot. I then went to the kitchen and got the rest of the onion-less stuffing for Ava to try. Later that evening, Ava went back to her mother's and told her what happened, which caused an argument between her and John (and they're not on good terms anyway). John has been angry with me since. He says it's my fault Ava (and her mother) is mad at him. He says I should've just left the 'd\*mn stuffing' alone, that I'm just spoiling my son by giving into him like that. There's been some name-calling, but I'd rather not repeat what he said. Liam must have told Mike what happened, too, because he's told me that he thinks John is overreacting. John's mother and older sister think I'm an a-hole, but his brother has told me to just ignore him. My parents are also on my side, because they used to make separate portions for me when I was a child if I didn't like a specific ingredient. My sister told me to post on here to see if the majority think I'm in the wrong or not. So, I dread to ask, am I the a-hole for making a separate portion of stuffing to suit my son's taste? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Has your husband been saying things to the children about food behind your back? Is it a behavior he exhibited with his ex?* "I hadn't thought about that. Liam hasn't mentioned anything, but I'll have to have a talk with him just in case. I'll ask his father if he's said anything about John, too. Thank you!" "I definitely will. I'm in charge of pick up this week, so it'll definitely be addressed before I head home. I'll be stopping at Mike's place to talk with him and Liam about John, and then I'll talk with Ava and her mom when I pick her up. There have been a lot of helpful comments and I've realised I need to talk to John's ex, too, to see if this is behaviour that he exhibited when they were married" *Is this anger a pattern of behavior for John?* "He has always had a habit of calling names when he's angry, but he never used to get angry all that often" "John hasn't always been this bull-headed. He's kind and funny, and he loves the kids. But I'll admit there's been a change in him over the last few months." "Thank you, I really appreciate it. He is normally very good to us, but he has been quicker to anger these past few months after I found out I was pregnant with our second child together. Hopefully it'll get better after our talk. Thank you again!" *Did you call him an idiot in front of the kids?* "I'll admit calling him an idiot wasn't my best moment. I didn't say it aggressively by any means, but looking back it was wrong to do so. Definitely a slip of the tongue and not something I practice often (especially in front of the kids). I was just blown away, honestly" *OOP decides what else to do:* "Thank you. As bizarre as this argument has been, it's definitely been an eye-opener. I'm planning on showing him these comments tonight when our daughter is in bed. I also plan to have a long talk and air everything out before Liam and Ava come home tomorrow" *Can you teach the kids to make their own food too?* "That's another thing! Liam and Ava do sometimes help out when I'm making the dinner on Sundays. If they're not otherwise engaged (because holding a child's attention can sometimes be a battle), they'll help me with peeling the potatoes or stirring the gravy, etc. John has always been hands-off on Sunday dinners!" ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawaymom_12/comments/13q22um/update_aita_for_making_a_separate_portion_of/)**: May 23, 2023 (4 days later)** Hi everyone. Before I begin, I just wanted to thank everyone for the overwhelming number of comments and messages I received as a response to my original post. Because of the support and advice that a lot of you gave me, I wanted to come back and give you all an update on how things have progressed since then. On Friday night, aka a few hours after I posted, I sat down with my husband after he put our 3yo to bed to talk about what had transpired and why he reacted the way that he did. We spent fifteen minutes just reading through comments and messages you guys left, and John was ashamed. He was also very hurt that his reaction (i.e. the name calling) was, in the eyes of the majority, bordering on abuse. He was disgusted with himself. Now onto the onion debacle. I'm not going to quote everything he said word for word, but it boils down to this: John's dad was very strict when it came to meals. You ate what you were given, and that was that. If John or his siblings ever expressed their dislike for something on their plate, even if it was just one thing, then the meal would be thrown out and they'd go to bed hungry. His dad drilled into him the same "not everything goes your way" mentality that John expressed last week. No one ever told John any different growing up. His mom followed the same rules even after his parents divorced. His dad remarried and John's step-mom was just as bad. If John wanted something, it was an automatic 'no' from her. John didn't tell me about Ava's request because he didn't want me to shut her down as coldly as he was. I guess it was two traumas with one stone. Then it comes to the anger. Again, I'm summarising here, but John attributes it to stress. He feels overwhelmed with the kids and the pregnancy, and his work has been particularly busy over the last few months. He feels constantly frustrated and doesn't know how to bring that down. But then he asked a question that really blew my mind. He asked if I was having an affair with my ex-husband/Liam's father. Apparently his mom (lovely lady) made a comment about how close we were, how it was 'unnatural', and it's been playing on his mind since. I'll admit that Mike (my ex-husband) and I are close. We're friends. We have a child together. But we don't love each other anymore. All of this I told my husband. I asked if I did something to make him not trust me on that. Well, after four years of marriage, I found out why John and his ex-wife hate each other. She had an affair. He didn't want to tell me because he was embarrassed and he wanted to put it behind him. He also didn't want me to hate her and maybe have that ruin my relationship with Ava, because it was his pain (his 'burden') to carry. He's bitter because she never apologised and blamed him for the affair. He's apologised profusely for the pain he has caused me and our children. I apologised for calling him an idiot. We both agreed no onions on Sunday. Despite this exhausting and enlightening conversation with John, I still sat down and spoke with Liam the next day when I went to pick him up from Mike's. Liam said John has never said anything 'weird' to him, nor has he gotten angry/yelled at him, he's never raised a hand. Mike said that Liam has never mentioned anything to him about John. He also said that Liam still brings up the time that John took him and Ava to the zoo when I was pregnant with our youngest. I also decided to go ahead and talk with John's ex-wife, Izzy. I asked her if John was ever 'hotheaded' when they were together, and she said that he'd get angrier with stress. I then asked about the affair, because while I wanted to believe my husband unconditionally, I needed to hear it from her side. She admitted it. She said that she 'connected' with a guy from her job. She said she doesn't feel guilty about it, because it felt like John was waiting for an excuse to leave, because that's exactly what he did. They argued, and he left, and that was it. Neither of them fought for their marriage, and Izzy's bitterness is mostly due to the fact that, when they were in the process of divorcing, John ordered a DNA test on Ava because the affair made him question if he was really Ava's father. There were no onions on Sunday. John has agreed not only to couple's counselling but to solo counselling as well. We're also considering family therapy, but before we commit to it, I want to get Mike and Izzy's opinions since they're the other parent of our respective children. John has also apologised to both Ava and Liam separately for the incident. He made the stuffing this weekend with Ava, no onions. It was nice. John even apologised to my parents for being a no-show last week. It's been very stressful, but I love my husband. I believe that he can grow from this. I know him to be kind, and funny, and just a good man overall. I hope from the bottom of my heart that things will be looking up by the time we welcome our son into this world. Thank you to everyone who has left comments and messages again. I genuinely believe that your advice may have helped save our marriage. Or, at the very least, given me the strength I needed to save it myself.

AITA for making a separate portion of stuffing for my son?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vfwkg/aita_for_making_a_separate_portion_of_stuffing/

13vfx0x

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/Melodic_Swordfish_27. They posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!transphobia, misgendering!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13kjyng/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_best_friends_wedding/)**: May 17, 2023** I \[27NB\] have a best friend \[33M\] who's getting married. He asked me to be a groomsperson, I told him I didn't feel comfortable taking a spot from his brothers (he has six brothers, all adopted, all of which he's pretty close to and I felt like he should ask them first) and he agreed. So he proposed to his fiancée \[29F\] that I be a bridesmaid. She asked if I would be interested and I asked if I had to wear a dress or not. She got kinda snippy with me saying "I'm doing this because he wants you in the wedding" and "just be a normal girl for a single night" so I told her I was uninterested in being a bridesmaid. I was actually pretty hurt and considered not even going to the wedding. Best friend texts me asking why I said no to being a bridesmaid and I told him exactly why. He said she's been stressed with planning and to just give her a chance. So I decide to suck it up and work with her to find an outfit that I can at least wear. We find a few nice dresses and I'm going to just grin and bear it until fiancée asks if we can shorten the dress. I tell her I'm not comfortable going any shorter (it was already above my knees) and she made a comment about me needing to show off "my girlish ways" more to which I respond "I'm not a girl, I don't want to look hyper feminine." We get into an argument to which she eventually just says "this is the issue with lesbians" (I'm not a lesbian). So I leave and text my best friend "sorry but I'm not going to be attending your wedding. Your fiancée is making really uncomfortable at this point and I think it best I just not be there." He thinks I'm being an asshole and that I should just put up with her for a single night but this isn't a one night thing. I'm likely losing a friend if he marries her because I don't ever want to be around her. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can the bridal parties just be uneven on one side?* "Because she "needs" it to be a "lucky" number or something like that. Idk she's wiccan or something so I guess it's a religious thing but 🤷‍♂️ Also we met in high school and I was very much so not the embodiment of traditional femininity. I was actually much more masc in my teen years (ah yes, going to extremes to rebel against societal expectations haha)" *Can't you just suck it up and wear the dress?* "I was fine with sucking it up and wearing the dress. I'm not fine with wearing a minidress. Let's also add I still get confused for a high schooler and get carded at bars because of how young I look (drinking age is 19 here) because of puberty blockers." *Nationality:* "Not a single one of us is American. T'essaies de deviner d'ou je viens." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): May 20, 2023 (3 days later)** So I took your guys' advice and text my best friend earlier the other day saying "ik I've been weird lately, can we just talk? Just us." He agreed and we went out for lunch. I told him why I couldn't attend his wedding and that, as much as I love him, I can't be around his fiancée and that he had a decision to make. He told me he wasn't aware she was being so toxic and that he'd talk to her because it "didn't sound like her." I told him to do what he needed to. About three hours later I get a text from fiancée telling me I'm a homewrecker and that I need to stay out of their relationship. I block her number so idk if she continued after. Eventually, best friend asks if we can all get dinner. I agree and we get dinner at a local chain. He tries to sort out what happened, she doesn't deny it at all. Eventually he asks his fiancée why she never brought up her views on LGBTQ people knowing I was in the picture and she says something like "other women shouldn't be in your life" to which he corrects her that I'm not a woman and she says "she is though!" I try to excuse myself and she makes a comment about me having an emotional affair with her fiancée to which I respond "no, I just don't want to be around you anymore." Best friend offers to drive me home and I tell him to sort things out with his fiancée and I'll have my bf pick me up and that he clearly needs to have a conversation with the woman he's about to marry. He walks me to the curb and waits with me until my bf gets there (it was pretty late and not a great area of town) and asks what I'd do. I tell him "if our positions were reversed I would've left her without needing to drag this out like this." To which he tells me I'm being a bit unfair and I apologise and tell him to lmk if I still have a best friend. Bf asks if he wants me to have him go over to their place the next day and pick up my belongings and I tell him no. Got a text this morning from best friend telling me he needs time to consider things but that he appreciates me coming to him. I apologise again. We haven't talked since. I'm honestly just emotionally numb at this point. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Melodic_Swordfish_27/comments/13py1rv/update_2_aita_for_not_attending_my_best_friends/) **2: May 23, 2023 (6 days from OG post)** So final update. Doing it here to avoid creating more of a wall of text on my original post. Best friend text me earlier today asking me if I'd let him stay with me and my bf. I ran it past my bf, he agreed so we moved him into the guest room. He called out of work, used up his sick leave and is not with fiancée anymore. He's pretty broken up about the whole thing and honestly I briefly questioned whether or not I should've just let him live in ignorance but I'm glad I told him. If he ever has kids or his siblings come out or anything I'd hate for them to need to be around fiancée. He's agreed to watch my kids (2F, 2M, and 5F) and help out around the house so we're not gonna make him pay rent, especially after breaking up with his fiancée. Babysitting twin toddlers is rent enough. So overall a happy ending but I'm not sure really where we stand. I think it'll take some time but I'm not gonna drop my best friend of over a decade if he's not gonna marry a transphobe. So hopefully no major issues with our relationship going forward. **Edit:** OOP just added this comment to their most recent post to answer some questions: "He was held back a year and started late because of his birthday. My kids were had through a surrogate and egg donor. You do resume puberty, but generally it's not as pronounced. So you end up looking like a teenager for a lot longer." **Edit 2:** I totally fucked up OOP's pronouns in the last edit. They're fixed now. I feel horrible- so sorry OOP. I should have double checked what I wrote even though it was late. 1000% on me.

AITA for refusing to go to my best friend's wedding

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vfx0x/aita_for_refusing_to_go_to_my_best_friends_wedding/

13vgld6

This is a Final New Update to a series of posts previously shared here. Originally posted by u/ThrowRasayde in r/relationship_advice nearly a year ago. There are a ton of posts so, due to character limits, I'm going to link the last BoRU collection [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/108334r/parents_forcing_their_pregnant_14_yr_old_to_have/), and provide you with a TLDR in this post in case you just need a refresher. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!teen pregnancy, adoption, religion struggles, mental health struggles!< TLDR: Our OOP became pregnant at 14, in a state with newly strict abortion laws and has Jehovahs Witness parents. She wanted an abortion, her mother said no. She was planning to get medication sent to her from a Reddit Aunty but ended up trying to reason with her mother again instead. It didn't work. She had a very difficult, high risk pregnancy. The last we heard from her, she was planning to place the baby for adoption but the baby's father was trying to convince her to keep it and raise it with him. She was really struggling emotionally and physically. &nbsp; [**Received a shepherding call today**](https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/10aij9k/received_a_shepherding_call_today/) R/ExJW (This is a sub for former Jehovahs Witnesses) Jan 12, '23 &nbsp; I’m very much annoyed as I’m writing this because I very much hate when the elders come and their tone is always very much condescending…like they speak to me like I’m stupid and gaslight me the whole conversation.. so my ex boyfriend who is also a JW basically went to the elders and confessed everything me and him did together which included “ fornication” which resulted to now I’m now pregnant. I was under the impression from ex and his family we would keep this under wraps until the baby was adopted out. Because we are still in high school. but this man out of no where went to the elders to try to get me to stop the adoption. And well the elders didn’t outwardly say “don’t adopt out the baby” but they showed me freaking bible scriptures.. and one that really pissed me off was Isaiah 49:15 it says “ can a woman forget her nursing child or have no compassion for the son of her womb? Even if these women forget, I would never forget you “ Like what the hell do they mean by that with scripture? They go on to say that our brother and sisters is a village for me and the baby and that if if I just cast all my anxiety and fears on to Jehovah that I will be fine… but they fail to realize that the moment I got pregnant and my mom refused to help me get an abortion because of this religion is when I was forever done with “ Jehovah .” My baby already has adoptive family that aren’t witnesses and will have a better life then be around people like this. &nbsp; [**Does the father of a baby need to sign off when giving up a baby for adoption?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/10pmkr9/does_the_father_of_a_baby_need_to_sign_off_when/) R/LegalAdvice Jan 30, '23 &nbsp; I hate to come and ask Reddit this but I’ve doing research on it all afternoon and can’t find a clear answer , but a little background me and the father are both and high school and I’m pregnant. I decided that we aren’t both fit to raise a child given we both don’t have jobs, still live with our parents and pretty much have no resources to provide for an infant. With that I’m turning to adoption but slight issue, the father isn’t on board to give up the baby for adoption and wants us to keep it and we raise it together. I’m no way interested in that and I offered that he takes the child and I sign my rights over ( even though I’m bluffing I would never do that, but I need him to think that because I don’t want to give him the power to be able to trap me) but he’s not interested of being a single dad unless I’m involved. We got in a slight disagreement the other day and totally ghosted me and I can’t get in contact with him and I’m nervous because my due date is near and I already been hospitalized . So my question does he need to be present for the adoption to happen? I also reside in Oklahoma since I know always varies from states &nbsp; [**I lost all my friends..**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/11a9vel/i_lost_all_my_friends/) R/TrueOffMyChest Feb 23, '23 &nbsp; I feel absolutely horrible and so alone, but there is a reason why I did it, so I’m pregnant and where I’m from it’s very controversial for someone in high school to get pregnant. Plus im apart of a strict religion..so when I found out, I made it a point for people not to found …including my close friends, my plan was to give the baby up for adoption and just hope no one knew…I didn’t want to tell my friends because, for one it’s embarrassing and second I didn’t want to be the topic of any outside gossip. I messed up majorly because I really ghosted my best friend and she facetimed me upset/ crying. That she feels like I don’t like her anymore..so I just told her straight up that I was pregnant… she didn’t believe me and when I showed her my belly.. she was still upset that I didn’t tell her and that she thought we were closer..Since then she has been texting me really vaguely. I now just feel so alone and honestly depressed and been having some dark thoughts.. I’ve been getting unfriended/ unfollowed by my other friends and I just feel like such loser. I miss my old life so much. But I honestly don’t think even if I give up my son that I would actually get my old life back. It might be irrational but I’ve been having thoughts of keeping my baby, so I can just have some sort of purpose idk.. I needed to get this off my chest and sorry if my grammar sucks I typed this fast. &nbsp; [**My induction is in 3 hours and Im absolutely scared**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BabyBumps/comments/11fyduk/my_induction_is_in_3_hours_and_im_absolutely/) R/BabyBumps March 2, '23 &nbsp; I’m honestly supposed to be sleeping but I can’t, because I have immense amount of anxiety. This is my first child and also Im considered extreme high risk pregnancy given my age and starting size. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia when I was about 22 weeks and it made my pregnancy absolutely horrible, I mean my hair is completely thinned out. I was constantly swollen and was just constantly sick, and I was sent on bed rest early on, plus the Braxton hicks were a lots of fun . A part of me is glad like yes this will be finally over and another part of me is just completely scared, because I have an additional factor of I’m giving my son up for adoption and I’m nervous once I see him, how would I react and will I actually go threw with it. I feel stupid this is such a pointless post but I just need to get this out of my system lol &nbsp; [**AITA for not wanting to see my son?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/13pf5tu/aita_for_not_wanting_to_see_my_son/) R/TwoHotTakes May 22, "23 &nbsp; I ( F15) recently had a baby boy in early March (so close to 3 months ago) I made a tough decision to give up my son…I honestly have been in a deep depression ever since, and two weeks after the birth I went to a mental health facility afterwards, because I had a pretty intense breakdown. I was there for 3 weeks and I feel a bit better now. I tried so hard not to be attached to my baby and I thought I wasn’t until I of course held him for the first time and signed those papers over. I used to regret giving him up, but now I know I made the right decision for him. I’m going into my sophomore year of high school and I know it would have been selfish on my behalf if I didn’t give him to a loving family, that would probably give him way more than I could ever possibly give and have a much positive and stable childhood then I had. I of course love him and I think about him almost every single day. He was also such a perfect and surprisingly calm baby given how much I cried during my pregnancy. I haven’t worked up enough courage to open the letters or go see my son ever since I have given birth, I totally ghosted the adoptive parents and I feel absolutely terrible. But it has just been so extremely hard to see him. I’m afraid to get attached to him and in a way, I feel like I let him down. I don’t know if I can handle the pressure of being someone that’s a part of his life. my mom is saying I’m heartless for not wanting to go see him or acknowledge him in conversations. But it was just extremely hard to do without wanting to burst out in tears. So hold me accountable Reddit AITA? *Also yes this is sorta an update for people who kept up with my past post..my mental health has been really tough for me.* &nbsp; *I am flairing this concluded as OOP has given birth and the baby has been adopted. As per sub rules, I'm flairing concluded with a note in the title and at the top that this is also a new update.* **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

I'm 14 And Pregnant (Final New Update)

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vgld6/im_14_and_pregnant_final_new_update/

13vh16j

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/HauntedByHoodies **TIFU being willing to do anything to make my gf orgasm** **Originally posted to** r/tifu **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!death, infidelity!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13lv2zl/tifu_being_willing_to_do_anything_to_make_my_gf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 19, 2023** Last night my gf asked me to stop going down on her because she was not gonna climax and it was getting late. I said I was willing to keep going, but she said we both knew she never got off with anyone and nothing was gonna change that. I asked if she wanted to use one of her toys. She said she was not in the mood for toys. I said there must be something I could do to get the job done. She said it is what it is and encouraged me to focus on the fact that she enjoyed getting me off. At that moment she got dressed and prepared for bed. I was still naked and still struggling to accept the idea that my gf was doomed to always depend on toys to get off. I have nothing against anyone using accessories in the bedroom, but I could tell that deep down my gf would really like it if she could climax through human contact. My gf eventually got tired of hearing me go on and on about trying new things and figuring out ways to get her off that she finally interrupted me and said there was something we could do that might work. She said I was not gonna like it though. I said I was willing to do anything if it meant getting her across the finish line. My gf said ok and opened her closet. She pulled out a hoodie and said her first bf had that on when he took her virginity. I asked why did she still have it. She shrugged and said she didn't know. I asked what did she want us to do with her ex's hoodie. She said I should put it on and let her get on top of me. As soon as I put it on, my gf became really dominant. She pushed me down and got on top. The animal inside of her came out. An animal I didn't even know existed. My gf didn't get off, but she milked every minute I had that hoodie on. My gf put the hoodie back in the closet when we were done and said she was willing to let me wear it again if I was still feeling passionate about trying anything to get her off. Not gonna lie, it was not the biggest confidence boost to realize that my gf was not only attached to her ex in some way, but also needed his personal belongings to bring out her wild side and potentially get her to climax, which I've been unable to do since the beginning of our relationship. All I wanted to do was make my gf feel good in bed and now it seems like I'm competing with her ex to do that. I hate hoodies now. TL:DR I made it clear to my gf that I was willing to do whatever it takes to make her orgasm. My gf said challenged accepted and gave me her ex's hoodie, which she believed would help her climax if I put it on during sex. The hoodie didn't make her cum, but it definitely brought out her wild side while setting my confidence on fire. EDIT: The ex bf is dead. I should have included that information in my post. Sorry. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** noahlizard7 >How long have you been with her? I would not have gone through with that and am upset she even proposed it OOP replied >>End the end of July we'll be together for 3 years. I think most people in my position would not have agreed to that. I was caught off guard. There will not be a next time though, not without unpacking whatever that was because struggling to get off is normal, especially for women, but the hoodie thing is the most unusual experience I've ever had in a relationship. Munchmatoast >>>3 fuckin years? What the fuck have you been doing for 3 fuckin years to only get to this point now?? >>>Bruh this is a fat L. Either you need to let her dominate you without that fuckin hoodie, or find a new GF. OOP replied >>>>Our relationship has been long distance for the most part. I managed to move closer towards the end of last year. My gf struggling to get an orgasm was something she said was a thing since we met. I followed her lead and didn't make a big deal out of it at first, especially when we were still long distance. But seeing more of her eventually made me want to do more for her in and out of the bedroom. For me it was fun to figure out ways to get her off and it seemed like it was fun for her too. What happened last night was the first visible crack that revealed something was wrong. Anyway, an L is an L I guess. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/13phrws/tifupdate_being_willing_to_do_anything_to_make_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 23, 2023** My gf and I decided to end our relationship. This happened on Sunday. The plan was to unpack the hoodie situation, the deceased ex bf, my gf struggling to climax, her feelings towards me, my feelings towards her, our feelings towards getting therapy, etc. However, when I showed up at the flat to have that discussion, my gf was no longer sober. I could see it in her eyes, hear it in her voice, smell it on her breath, she was drunk. It was out of character. My gf usually avoids drinking too much. I asked if she was in the mood to talk about what happened with the hoodie. My gf said she never wanted to use the hoodie to hurt my feelings, but she got sick of hearing me talk about getting her off like it's become my life's work. I apologized for becoming obsessed with her orgasm and promised to tone it down. My gf didn't seem to believe my promise and asked if I would ever enjoy sleeping with her if she never had an orgasm. I was honest and said with or without an orgasm sex would always be enjoyable with her because I loved her, but deep down I would probably feel like she's not getting the full experience if there was no satisfying pay off for her at the end. My gf said if I wanted a satisfying pay off, all I had to do was wear the hoodie again and again and again. I asked if that was really her talking or the alcohol. My gf shrugged. I asked if she thought it was normal to ask her bf to wear something that belonged to her dead bf, especially during sex. My gf struggled to stop the tears and said the hoodie actually belonged to the guy who was best friends with her dead bf. She confessed to cheating on him before he passed away. I was speechless. My gf clarified that the hoodie belonged to someone who was still alive. She taunted me to ask her why she had the hoodie of the guy who never loved her, why the hoodie made her go wild when I had it on, why she cheated on the guy she loved more than anyone, etc. I hugged her out of the blue until she managed to calm down. The two of us eventually ended up on the couch. We were too emotionally exhausted to continue talking. She fell asleep. When she woke up, she asked me to leave. For good. She said our relationship kind of tested her to see if she really was ready for another relationship since the death of her bf. What happened with the hoodie made her realize something she apparently knew for a long time now. She was not ready for me, for us, for anyone. I did my best to fight for our relationship, but her mind was made up. She was done. We were done. I've been unable to sleep, hence me typing this post while most people on my side of the planet are sleeping or almost getting up for work. I hope my ex gf will be okay. Fuck, I hope I'll be okay.  TL:DR The hoodie won. My gf broke up with me. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** WantToBeACyborg >At first it sounded like it may not have been about the ex and more about recapturing that first time feeling, but with this update it sounds like she can't climax because of her unresolved guilt. >P.S. Outside of that, learn this lesson: listen to your partner and what they want, not what you think they want or what you want for them. OOP replied >Trigger warning: death. >I think I know less than 5% of what happened with my ex gf, her dead bf, the friend of the dead bf, the hoodie, etc. All I know is that the bf died in his sleep while he was sharing a bed with my ex gf. The two of them were teenagers at the time, so sharing a bed back then usually meant hooking up when mom and dad were out of the house. My ex was alone when she realized her bf was no longer breathing. She said his eyes were open and in the back of his head and his tongue was swollen and sticking out of his mouth. She shared that story with me literally once during our entire relationship and it kind of came out of the blue. I could tell she caught herself saying too much and decided to change the subject. It's really sad. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

TIFU being willing to do anything to make my gf orgasm

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vh16j/tifu_being_willing_to_do_anything_to_make_my_gf/

13vlq5v

**I am NOT OP. [Just asked the reserved guy I like out!](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/mjmqs6/just_asked_the_reserved_guy_i_like_out/) by u/Handinthecookiejarrin /r/dating_advice ** trigger warnings: no triggers mood spoilers: >!wedding upcoming!< --- &nbsp; **Just asked the reserved guy I like out!** - April 5 - 2021 I'm a pretty outgoing lady. Ive never been afraid to make the first move. I've been flirting with a coworker of mine for about a month. I kept dropping hints, ...like, lobbing watermelons kind of hints. He was sweet and flirtatious in his own way but any kind of verbal flirt was never the response. He's the kind of guy who keeps to himself most of the time but when he does speak he's so freaking funny and you dont expect it. He likes dad jokes and so do I. So I started meeting him at his speed. I asked for his number to send him silly memes. After exchanges of memes for a couple weeks, convos actually began, but then I still couldnt get him to take the hint of asking me out or being any more flirtatious than he was. I figured maybe he was just nervous of overstepping. So like the confident woman I am, I finally just told him if I was being honest I found him quite cute and might he be interested, via text. He didnt respond for awhile so i joked if it was a swing and a miss. To my surprise he said no he's just not very good at this and never knows what to say and gets stuck in his own head but that he thought I was cute too. The honesty! So i took the initiative and asked him to lunch, naming the time and place and he was thrilled! Ladies, if you know you got the guts and he's a quieter fella (edit: or just a guy worried about making the first move), take the lead. Ask him. Be direct and specific with your intentions. It pays off. I got me a cute lunch date in the park ☺ Edit: Just for the record, he did flirt back with me, as stated, just more subtle lol. I was just trying to get the ask out. He's quiet, and wasn't sure of himself, so I asked. No big. 🤷🏼‍♀️ people out here are crazy because they think he wasnt responding and I was being "desperate". Dude just needed permission to be more engaging than he was. Now he's messaging me nonstop and talking about what to have for lunch with me. Update: Date went really well, we laughed together the whole time and got to know each other a bit more. He said in hindsight he could see I was flirting but he's really bad with hints and can't be too careful at work so didn't want to assume. He said he was glad I asked him out and asked if I would like to do this again soon! Can't wait! 😊 _the kind of hints OOP gave_ >I complimented his hair and eyes and the fact that he's crazy strong. > >I started grabbing his hands a lot ("whats that mark on your hand? You ok?", "Im gonna draw something on your finger lol" "how big are your hands compared to mine?", etc.) > >When he started to be more playful, poking fun at me, I poked fun back and some of it turned into innuendos. He laughed and found them funny but missed that they were completely in his direction. > >I used to play rugby so Id joke that I could take him and challenge him to a tackle off in the lot. He accepted actually and we ended up with a very playful rugby maul back and forth until I fell over lol. I thought maybe that would actually seal it bc it was followed by a good beaming laugh together. > >Sent him a pic of myself to show him "my hair" from a few years back, but the pic was me in a short sexy sweater dress all glammed up, showin off a little leg. > >Things like that &nbsp; [**Update: 8 months after I asked my quiet coworker out who was clueless to my advances**](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/rhjbuu/update_8_months_after_i_asked_my_quiet_coworker/) - December 16 - 2021 So back in April I asked my coworker out. Flirted for about a month or so. Feel free to check my history if youre new or need a refresher. I Tried everything I've done in the past that has successfully worked. He wasn't registering any of my hints so I flat out told him I thought he was cute and was wondering if he would like to do lunch in the park with me. We met for lunch, had a nice time and agreed to do it again. Come to find out at 28 years old, he really had never had an official girlfriend before and just kind of kept to himself. He told me he'd been on a couple dates but they never went anywhere and while he wanted to be a more sociable person he wasn't very much and he worked a lot and he also didnt want to assume when we were at work which is fair. It is now 8 months later: -After 1 month of dating he nervously asked me if I would officially be his girlfriend. I said yes! -We both love brunch so we do that a lot when we need an "us" day. -We started going to the gym together. We both found our motivational partner in each other to encourage us when the other isn't feeling it that morning. -We have gone on several adventures: tubing, beach weekend, renaissance faire, camping, halloween party, and we have so many holiday plans! -He is the sweetest sentimental soul and has made us photo collages of some of his favorite dates, which reminds me of my grandfather and how he was the one who captured every moment in my grandparents' photo albums. -After 3-4 months we exchanged I love yous which he waited to do because I did.. because I have trauma. So he waited for me to be ready. I needed that. -I make us both a well balanced dinner for work, and he bought us bento boxes as lunchboxes out of appreciation. And he does the dishes when I cook dinner for us at our places. So important! -We communicate so well. He is so open to discussing anything and everything from little things to serious life things, even if it's hard and it is amazing. -We agree politically, religiously, financially, and he is just as silly as I am humor wise. -He is patient and understanding with my health conditions and never makes me feel less than a queen, which for me is important because Ive always been made to feel like a burden by others in my past over this. -He hypes up my art and I hype up his craftmanship There's so much that he provides that I have never gotten before. I am so glad to have him in my life. I didnt know what to expect going in, only that he was cute and nice and he is honestly everything ive been looking for. Side note: Creating a post in a different subgroup to be exclusively rude about someone bc youre skeptical of their story is not nice mkay. Spread love, not hate. Hope you all find your king/queen/royalty some day. Have a lovely day and know that you are worthy of love. &nbsp; **Wedding bells** May 16 - 2023 No other updates other than an image of an engagement ring. [He proposed with my dream ring](https://i.redd.it/z89i1llu3a0b1.jpg) &nbsp; _tagging this as ongoing as the user is updating on occassions_ &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Once upon a time there was a coworker

ONGOING

nitpickr

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vlq5v/once_upon_a_time_there_was_a_coworker/

13vt33f

\*\*I am NOT OP. Original post by u/housingissues in r/AmITheAsshole \*\* Trigger warning: none ? Mood spoiler: quickest resolution in Reddit history ? \----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay rent if he moves in with me](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13p1zpk/aita_for_expecting_my_boyfriend_to_pay_rent_if_he/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) \- 22 May 2023 This is a doozy. I’ve been dating Josh for a year. I should say now that I (24f) don’t ever want to be legally married, and Josh (30m) is divorced and doesn’t want to remarry. We also live in a place where there is no common law marriage. Still, we want to take things a bit further and we’re talking about Josh and his two daughters moving in with me. I own a 3 bed 2 bad house in a nice area. Josh rents a 2 bed one bath apartment, and his lease is coming up. My mortgage is 1k a month, and Josh’s rent is 1.4k a month. It was important to me that we would have everything figured out before making the change so that there would be no surprises or disagreements about who pays what. I figured it would be unreasonable for Josh to expect to just live with me for free, especially since I’d be giving up one of my rooms so his daughters could have a room. I suggested that Josh pay 700$ a month to me in rent, half a what he is currently paying. I would cover the cost of any home repairs, internet, garbage, etc. Then we would split utilities, even though there’s three of them and one of me I don’t mind splitting since that would be about what I’m currently paying I predict. And since I meal prep once a week I would just get my own groceries and he could get theirs. When I laid everything out Josh was very unhappy, and said since it’s my house he shouldn’t have to pay rent, and that we should split groceries. I told him he was welcome to buy his own house and I would move in with him and happily pay rent, while renting out my own house. He was mad at me because he said he’s not in a position where he can buy a house. We can’t come to an agreement, so I suggested he just find another apartment (the owners aren’t letting him renew) and we could revisit the topic in a year. He’s not happy with that either because rent prices have skyrocketed here and 2 bedrooms now go for around 1.8k a month, and he thinks he won’t be able to find a place he can afford. I’m a bit frustrated because I feel like 700$ a month is a really good deal compared to the likely 1,800$ he will have to pay. Since we aren’t going to get married or anything I don’t understand why he thinks I would be okay with him living for free with his two kids. I’m happy to have romance and companionship but shared assets and finances are not something I want in life, I don’t want to support a man. AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay rent? **Edit:** i showed Josh this post and he thinks you all are wrong. So here’s some input from him: “ Leslie makes 120k a year and I make 30k a year. I’m living paycheck to paycheck supporting two kids with no help from my ex wife. It’s gotten so expensive here that at this rate I’m not even going to be able to feed my kids soon without going to the food bank. No matter what, they’re going to get fed. But it’s not fair that she owns a house, and can go on vacations or spend 400$ a month getting her hair done when I can’t even buy my kids name brand cereal. She shouldn’t charge me to live with her because she should understand that I want to be able to spend whatever I can giving my kids the childhood that they deserve. Not for me, but for them.” *just two hours later* **UPDATE**: thanks Reddit. Owe you one and I’m glad I posted here. After a very loud and angry argument with Josh, I broke up with him. Despite pretty much everyone telling him he was wrong Josh insisted that I should basically support the three of them because it’s what would be best for his kids. He doesn’t seem to understand that they aren’t my kids and no one is going to want to bankroll the three of them. At least no one with a brain. The point is, I’m young, goodlooking, i own a house. I can do better than a broke single dad who has no education and a shitty job who thinks it’s ok to mooch off me and scream in my face when I tell him no. Hope your next girlfriend is stupid enough to put up with you Josh 🖕🏻. No wonder your ex wife left. **Reminder: I am not OP.** Marked as concluded as the original post have been deleted and that was a throwaway account.

AITA for expecting my boyfriend to pay rent if he moves in with me

CONCLUDED

eric_tai

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13vt33f/aita_for_expecting_my_boyfriend_to_pay_rent_if_he/

13w6409

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Ok-Firefighter602 **AITA for breaking a promise and attending my stepdaughter's graduation?** **Originally posted to** r/AmItheAsshole [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1337f8h/aita_for_breaking_a_promise_and_attending_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Apr 19, 2023** I’ll start by explaining some backstory. I (54M) lost my first wife when my son (25M) and daughter (22F) were ages 9 and 12, Both my kids took it as hard as you would expect and to this day have a poor relationship with both my current wife "Doreen (49F)" and my stepdaughter "Amy (18F)". I started dating Doreen about 4 months after my first wife passed, as such my kids believe I cheated on their mom. Amy was 5 when we got together and as such I see her as my own daughter. On to the actual story, 4 years ago, two days before Kay's high school graduation, Amy got very ill while visiting her grandparents and ended up needing emergency surgery. My wife and I rushed to be with Amy and admittedly I did not communicate well with Kay. At the time Kay didn't pick up my calls, so I left her a voicemail and several text messages explaining what happened and telling Kay I was sorry but I would make it up to her. A few hours go by and I get a call from Kay, she is in hysterics telling me what a terrible father I am and stated that if I did not attend her graduation I would be dead to her. I chose to support Amy. True to her words, Kay did not contact me on the day of her graduation. And when came home Kay's things had been moved out of the house with a note explaining that we were no longer family and to never contact her again. Luckily Kay and I were able to reconcile, however, I promised her I would give her absolutely anything in the world to make her forgive me. She said that she would forgive me as long as I refused to attend Amy's graduation as this was the only way to make it fair. I agreed at the time thinking she was just joking or angry and would soon forget. This leads me to now. Invitations for Amy's graduation went out, and despite all the hostility Amy wanted to make sure Kay got one. Kay called Amy later that day and said she would be unable to attend as she and I would be spending the day together per our agreement. Amy broke down into tears asking me why I was missing her graduation, I assured her I was not and that I would speak to Kay. Later I explained to Kay that I simply could not miss Amy's graduation. Kay launched into a tirade about how I was a liar and an asshole and how could I do this to her again. I told her that we would talk when she calmed down and she said we would never talk again. My son, and several of our extended family have all taken Kay's side saying I didn't see how hurt she was at graduation. My wife believes I am the asshole for even promising that in the first place as I should have known it would only upset one or both girls. And Amy is just sad and confused wondering why Kay hates her. I know keeping my promise and not attending Amy's graduation is probably the only way to salvage my relationship with Kay, but no matter how I look at it I would feel like I'm punishing Amy for having a medical issue, so am I the asshole? EDIT to add some relevant info. I NEVER cheated on my first wife. your accusations are honestly tiring and disgusting. Amy's Bio father was never in her life. I am NOT Amy's Biological father, that wasn't ever even in question as we are not the same race. Amy had appendicitis, she was staying over 4 hours away at her grandparent's house. at the time that we left the only info Doreen's mother would give us was she passed out and wouldn't wake up. My daughter was moved out of our house for about a month and a half after which we made up and she returned to live with us for another 2 years before going away to school. I did not believe Kay when she said she wanted me to miss Amy's graduation as it seemed like a ridiculous request. despite what you all may believe our relationship was fine after this event we were in near-daily contact and she would frequently visit us. VERDICT ASSHOLE **RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP** **ON THE ORIGINAL INCIDENT CONCERNING KAY'S GRADUATION** >Amy ended up having to get an emergency appendectomy, but at the time was visiting her Grandparents about a 4 hour drive from where we lived. Her grandmother didn't give us too much relevant information before we left, just that she had passed out and wouldn't wake up. On the way there we didn't know her condition or anything because her grandmother is a non-native English speaker and didn't understand a lot of the medical terms. once we got there and signed off on the surgery she ended up needing an additional 2 days in the hospital and wanted both of us by her side. During this time I repeatedly called and texted both my mother and son who were planning to attend the ceremony. I had every intention of calling/ video calling so that I could still support her, but she told everyone she didn't want me to be a part of it. **OOP ON HIS MARRIAGE TO HIS SECOND WIFE AND HIS CHILDRENS RELATIONSHIP WITH HER** >I didn't immediately move in Doreen and Amy once we started dating, we dated for over 2 years before we moved in together. My wife's death was not a sudden thing she battled cancer on and off for years before she passed. My children already knew/ were comfortable with Doreen as she was my late wife's best friend so I thought they would enjoy having her around more. I offered both children grief counseling, my son took me up on it, and I took Kay to a few sessions but she would kick/ scream/ cry every time I took her finally the counselor decided that forcing her before she was ready would only worsen her grief. I offered her therapy many times over the years, but she never took me up on it. . >first of all, I knew Doreen for years before I even met my late wife, in fact, Doreen introduced us. I thought my kids would like having Doreen around as before my wife passed they loved her like an aunt. I did not move her in or make her a permanent part of our daily lives until over 2 years into our relationship. four months after my wife passed we agreed to explore our romantic feelings I explained what was going on in age-appropriate terms so they wouldn't be blindsided if they caught their dad kissing their "aunt". [Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/Ok-Firefighter602/comments/13ox3ys/update_aita_for_breaking_a_promise_and_attending/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 22, 2023** I tried updating on AITA but it was rejected so for anyone who cares I will be updating here. /r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1337f8h/aita_for_breaking_a_promise_and_attending_my// my original post ^ I wasn't sure if I wanted to post an update after the reaction I got last time, I can stomach death threats against myself but directing such hatred toward my children was truly disturbing. But the graduation has come and gone and I thought I should share how it all went down. I'm sure most of you will be displeased. Amy was mad at me for a few days, but we have a strong bond and she quickly got over it. The saint that she is said she would understand if I wanted to miss it to make it up to Kay. I told her I wouldn't do that to her and reassured her that she has done nothing wrong. As for the elephant in the room, Kay, she and my son live in the same city and work in the same field so they're as close as ever. My son and his partner were giving her a lot of emotional support at this time. In the end, she decided not to attend Amy's graduation but sent flowers and a card with my son. There were a lot of nasty messages directed toward her, which I feel is completly unacceptable. She isn't mean or vindictive. She is a smart, very kind, very empathetic woman. She made a bizarre ultimatum as a confused and hurt teenager I certainly don't think that makes her a bad person. I know all of you seem to think I hate my children, but the amount of pain I feel at the deterioration of my relationship with my daughter is unexplainable, I've been on and off anti-depressants since the death of my wife and at my therapist's suggestion will be going back on them. it's taking all of my willpower not to reach out to her again, but I've already disrespected her wishes enough. She can choose to reach out to me when and if she ever wants to again and I'll be waiting. I know it's not the most impactful update and I'm sure most of you wanted to see me left miserable and alone, but I don't live my life for anyone else's entertainment. I can accept that I'm the asshole, maybe I'm an asshole in general, but I'm not some evil monster that you all want me to be. I'm a man that made the mistake of sharing his problems with the internet a mistake I won't be making again. I probably won't delete this account, but I'm not gonna be updating in the future. goodbye. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** YogurtclosetWeird789 >Look OP I get that you're human, just a man. >But you can't get away with the I made mistakes because you make the same ones over and over again. >I don't understand trolls and stupid people with the death threats or nasty messages about your kids it's wrong and disgusting. >The only issue here is YOU! The fact that claim to love Kay and how it is breaking your heart that she wants nothing to do with you is your own fault, every 'mistake' you made and repeated always seems to be against her. I don't actually think you care about Kay all that much as you still have Amy. >Now you've decided oh well I've fucked up again and made so many mistakes I'll just leave her alone and not confront the fact you failed her as a supportive father. OWN IT, Change your damn ways. >Believe me, you're not the worst dad out there. but you are a shitty one to Kay. >When will you wake up and realise without the self-pity that YOU have to be the one to make amends. Why on earth would she contact you? >Do you not care that one day she will get married and you won't be invited to the wedding or even to walk her down the aisle? When she has her first child and you find out through the grapevine instead of being a Granpa? >Maybe one day she will forgive you, but not if your solution is to just give her space! seems to me she had a lot of space from you already. All she wanted was your time and sole attention for a bit, and you've never been able to give her that. I feel for both your son and daughter because it seems you have a favourite and you don't care as long as Amy is ok. >Let me guess and say your wife thinks it's best to give her the space? Amy may be a nice girl but I bet your wife has encouraged your behaviour. >It's honestly sad. OOP replied >I'm giving Kay space because that's what she said she wants, I can't do anything other than that. No matter what I'm gonna still be there for her any way I can, but for the time being, I'm not going to pester her or beg for forgiveness because that's not what she wants. I HAVE made mistakes and at the top of that list is not listening to my children when they tell me exactly what they need from me. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

AITA for breaking a promise and attending my stepdaughter's graduation?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13w6409/aita_for_breaking_a_promise_and_attending_my/

13w9luj

Originally posted by u/electronic_gas_5769 in r/AmItheAsshole on Nov 11, '20, updated Dec 6, '20 and Oct 30, '22. I edited the first post to use the names OP uses in the next 2 posts instead of initials. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Cheating, loss of a loved one!< Mood Spoiler: >!Both sad and happy parts!< --- &nbsp; [**Original**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jsk0px/aita_for_uninviting_my_daughter_to_our_christmas/) Nov 11, '20 &nbsp; AITA for uninviting my daughter to our Christmas gathering? Bear with me, I am on mobile. I am a mother of 4 children. Two older sons and two younger daughters. All of them are adults and have moved out a long time ago. I have always been close with my daughter Sally, while Penny has always liked to have her own space. Which I don't mind, theyre both beautiful talented young women that I thought I couldn't be more proud of. We're having early Christmas this year. First week of December I was inviting everyone around for Christmas Dinner, gift giving and the lot. When I Phoned Penny yesterday to clarify a few things she mentioned that she and her husband would not be coming. When I asked she said that they had seperated for now as he had cheated. I said that it was surely better to spend time with family if this was the case and maybe she should come home for some time. She ummed and ahhd but then eventually she told me he had an affair with Sally and they had been seeing each other for the past 2 years. I felt sick. For the past 6 months in our talks, Sally has alluded that she had been seeing someone and was typically girl-in-love. I uninvited Sally to the Christmas gathering and blocked her. I don't know if I'm able to deal with her before Christmas but this is family time and family can't hurt each other like that. I'm at a loss in all honesty. Penny is now coming which is good because at this time she needs stability of people who love her imo. The problem is that Sally naturally thinks I'm in the wrong. It's none of my business and as her mother I can't block her and remove her from the family. My sister thinks I shouldn't get involved in their personal lives which I think is bs. My daughter needs us right now. But then she tells me "I have two daughters to think about". Which I think isn't true. Sally has forfeited that right atm. Thankfully my husband is liaising with Sally atm but he is also in solidarity with me. So are we in the wrong for uninviting a daughter for Christmas?? Edit: my husband showed me that this had gotten a lot responses. Too many for us to answer them all but we will be reading through before bed. A small update: Penny's MIL found out. While me and her have only spoken a few times, she did dote on Penny and I know Penny got along well with her. I haven't spoken to her personally, but I know she phoned my daughter and was really supportive and crying. My sister said that if Sally isn't invited then she isn't going either. Which is fine by me - she wasn't invited in the first place due to the pandemic. Otherwise I've been working and doing some crochet so it's been quiet :) &nbsp; *Judgment: Not The Asshole* &nbsp; [**1st Update**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k7wyc0/update_aita_for_uninviting_my_daughter_to_our/) Dec 6, '20 - About 1 month later &nbsp; Hello all! My Christmas gathering was yesterday and my son & husband wondered if I would post an update for you all. It's been rather uneventful, but I've been equally surrounded by warmth and love while also feeling heartbroken and lonely. So first of all, since my post, my husband has been teaching me to use reddit! I've really enjoyed being in some craft communities 😊 My daughter Penny has been staying with us. She works from home. My husband and eldest went to get some more of her stuff from her old house. Pennys mother-in-law (Jane) was there and was very helpful and sweet. She also bought some mint hot chocolate for our penny and Christmas candles. I know they're her favourite. From what penny has told me, Jane is having similar feelings to me. A lot of guilt over our children's decision to hurt people we love. I think at this point we have to accept that we did our best raising them, but they're adults now so we can't beat ourselves up. Penny and Jane are going to stay in touch. I think Jane truly does think of penny as a daughter/friend 😊😊 Onto some more negative things. I wrote my letter to Sally during this time. I expressed that I was extremely disappointed and also disgusted. While I will continue to have a relationship with her, she won't be welcome to any family gatherings with penny present unless penny has met a point in her life where she feels comfortable. I told her what some of you had said, that not taking a side would be a side and that she had for all intents and purposes, already uninvited herself when she was so cruel to her sister. Sally had apparently come up on Friday and knocked on the door. I was out shopping at the time. My husband spoke to her. Apparently, Sally and Michael (my son-in-law) are going to continue their relationship. I will not support it in any way or form. She may be my daughter but that man is not welcome. I am supporting penny through the divorce, and if Sally ever expects money for the wedding or a house then she's a very naïve girl. My husband sent her away, after which Sally said we'd have to get over it someday. Otherwise, the Christmas gathering was lovely. It was strange not getting drunk and playing boardgames due to covid, but still a pleasant time. My hip hurts from the cooking 😭 but husband and penny did the cleaning up so who's the real winner? I hope you all have a wonderful day. Thank you very much for your kind words when I last spoke to you ♥ EDIT: I know some are concerned about Covid, but please know that we live in a country with very few cases and we met within government guidelines. &nbsp; [**2nd Update**](https://www.reddit.com/user/Electronic_Gas_5769/comments/yhej7w/update/) Oct 30, '22 - Almost 2 years later &nbsp; Update Hello all! I hope this message finds you well. A lot has changed since I last spoke with you all, so I would like to update you because I am finding things a bit difficult right now. First of all, Penny is doing well! She met someone new about a year ago; they're incredibly supportive and sweet, and they made such an effort in getting to know me and my husband. Penny was still living with me when she started seeing them, so I got to watch their relationship develop - and although Penny is a grown woman I couldn't help but be reminded of when she was a child and having crushes. It was very endearing and I'm glad I got to witness firsthand the smile her new partner gives her. Penny also got a new job and has moved to Ireland with her partner. Sally and Michael have continued their relationship. I don't have a lot of love to give Michael. I am civil enough but frankly, it is difficult for me to become invested in their relationship at all. Michael recently asked my permission to marry Sally, which was disrespectful, to say the least. Penny still lived with me last Christmas, so again they were not invited. I am not hosting this Christmas and am instead going to go visit my eldest son, he and his wife had a little boy at the beginning of this year. They've asked me to stay with them for a little while so I can help with the cooking and cleaning, as they have been struggling a little bit. Finally, my husband passed away 9 months ago. He fell while on a walk and hit his head, and was there for some hours before someone found him. It's been a difficult transition, to put it mildly. Being a little bit on the older side, I've lost a fair few people in my life and while I did grieve, I always had the strength to continue. Losing my husband made me realise how much I relied on him. Not just to take the bins out, or pick me up from choir practice, but all the times I was angry, sad, and overwhelmed and he was there for me. When other people passed away at least you get moments of respite in the grief, where you just sort of "forget" they've passed. With my husband, there are only reminders. Every time I wake up alone, when I now have to take the bins out, when I have to cook a meal just for one person. There's not really a moment of peace in this grief and I have found it very difficult to deal with. It's his birthday at the end of November, and there was another moment of grief as I had to get rid of my notes for birthday gift ideas in my notebook. Everything has just been so painful to deal with and I just cannot stop crying even after all this time. I just can't even stand to think of the good moments I shared with him because it just hurts too much. I know there's not a correct way to grieve or time-limit, but I just feel like I've got to get up and start looking after myself for everyone around me. I really want to thank any of you that read this. It's been incredibly helpful just to be able to share my feelings a little bit. I hope you all have been doing well. Kind regards. &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for uninviting my daughter to our Christmas gathering?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13w9luj/aita_for_uninviting_my_daughter_to_our_christmas/

13wcmnt

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/Throwaway-BabyName. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!brief mention of murder at the very end!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!Baby is NOT named Peter!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12oxgy4/aita_for_breaking_my_fianc%C3%A9s_family_tradition_by/)**: April 16, 2023** Throwaway because I have in-laws on Reddit. Myself (25F) and my fiancé (27M) have a 2 month old son. We are overjoyed at being parents, but most of my in-laws are refusing to even see our baby because of a decision we made concerning his name. My in-laws have a tradition of giving the first-born son of every generation the same name. Let's say it's "Peter". This has been going on for about seven generations already, and they're very serious about it. My fiancé's eldest cousin was the latest person to get named Peter. Every one of his cousins has only had daughters so far, so our baby is the first son of his generation, and consequently should get the name. I have no problem with the name Peter, and would've been okay with naming my son that. Unfortunately, that was also the name of my uncle, who died before I was born. I won't get into details, but it was tragic and traumatizing for my family. My father never got over losing his younger brother. My grandmother asked the family not to name any of our future children Peter during her lifetime. My MIL and FIL knew about this promise, and at first seemed to not only be okay with us avoiding the name Peter, but also supportive of the one we chose. However, my grandmother sadly passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. We traveled for her funeral. On our last days there, my in-laws called to offer me their condolences. Then my MIL asked me if I was willing to "think about the name Peter now." Suddenly, they were insistent that the name we chose was awful and we had to honor their tradition. According to them, they had only agreed to make an exception for us for my grandmother's sake, and had no obligation to keep it now that she had passed. My family agrees that while it's true we don't have to avoid the name anymore, it still doesn't feel right to use it. My fiancé agrees with me as well, but his parents spent the last weeks of my pregnancy trying to convince us to change our minds about the name. When our baby was born and we named him what we wanted, my in-laws were furious that we had broken a 7-generation-old family tradition. Some of them hadn't previously wanted to name their sons Peter, but did it anyway for the family's sake. They said our decision was selfish, and that my family "should have moved on by now." This has truly nothing to do with whether my family has moved on or not, it just felt like a betrayal to my grandmother and uncle's memories to even consider using the name. My FIL offered us $1000 to change our son's name to Peter after he was born. That was two months ago, and neither of my fiancé's parents have met the baby or seen us since I was pregnant. Most of my in-laws are on their side, and this is causing a huge rift between my fiancé and his family. He assures me he's fine, but I'm starting to feel really guilty about this. AITA? EDIT: The tradition started, as far as I know, when OG Peter died and his son, also named Peter, named his firstborn after his father. Peter III ended up having the first son of the following generation, and did the same thing. That one died before having children, so his sister gave the name to her son, and so on. The name “Peter” is very common in my country, so none of them ever got bullied over it, and the fact that it was also my uncle’s name isn’t as unlikely as one might think. Also, middle names aren’t used in my country. Most people get the maternal surname before the paternal one instead. EDIT 2: It wasn't 1000 dollars. Different country, different currency. It's still a lot of money, but would probably translate to about 200 USD. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you use Peter as a middle name?* "Our country/culture doesn't generally use middle names. If we did, I'd be willing to think about that, even though my son's name doesn't match "Peter"." *How many Peters are alive right now in your family???* "There are 3 living "Peters" in the family right now. Only the eldest (my fiancé's great uncle) actually goes by Peter. The other two have nicknames ("Pete", "Petey", etc)." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwaway-BabyName/comments/13suk4k/update_aita_for_breaking_my_fianc%C3%A9s_family/)**: May 24, 2023 (a bit over 1 month later)** *(OOP's post was removed from AITA, and reposted on her profile. I'm using the date of the AITA post. Comments are also from AITA)* I posted this on AITA, but it got removed about an hour ago because I mentioned a violent encounter on an edit. I tried editing it out and getting it back up, but it didn't work. I'm posting here in case anyone still wants to read it. Original Thank you so much to everyone who commented and offered support. A lot has happened since I posted, so I thought I'd give you an update. About a week after my post, my fiancé's parents contacted us. They apologized for their behavior, and begged to meet my son. They said they were ready to leave the naming debacle behind and truly wanted to be involved in their grandson's life. We were skeptical, but invited them over to meet the baby. The visit went well. They began coming over almost every day during the next three weeks. I noticed neither of them ever called my son by his name, but I didn't point it out. For the first time in months, things seemed good between my fiancé and his parents. One day, my fiancé was helping my FIL with something at our place, so my MIL and I went to the park with my baby. Some time later, I had to go to the bathroom, so I left him in the stroller with her. When I got back, she was sitting on a park bench, chatting with a woman who was cooing over my son. I went over there and introduced myself as "(son's name)'s mom", and she said, "I thought his name was Peter." I didn't say a word, and neither did my MIL. She followed me to the car and we went back to my apartment. On the way there, I texted my fiancé about what had happened. The moment we got there, he kicked both his parents out of our place. He'd read my texts and confronted his father. Thankfully, my FIL is a terrible liar, and confessed immediately. Apparently, both my in-laws ONLY call my son Peter. That includes whenever they're talking about him, every time they introduce him to someone else, and even baby-talking to him on the few occasions they were left alone with him. Neither of them are embarrassed by this, and they both think they're in the right. We're heartbroken. Especially my fiancé. Not only because his parents can't let go of their pride, but also because the name we chose for our son means a lot to us both. I blame myself for encouraging my fiancé to allow them near our son. I was raised in a different city than all my grandparents, and always wished they could have been more involved in my life. Losing my grandmother didn't help. Pretty much every doubt I had only existed because I thought it would be important for my son to grow up with all of his grandparents around. But now, all my guilt is gone. If they can't respect my son enough to call him by his name, they don't deserve to be in his life. I hope they enjoyed the three weeks they had with their grandson. Because that's all they're getting until they get their heads out of their asses. EDIT: I thought I'd clarify some things. First of all, I'm not comfortable sharing my son's name here, but I promise it's not a "yooneek" name or anything like that. It's perfectly normal and popular-ish in our country. Secondly, I mentioned this in the comments, but while my family didn't try to dictate me on my son's name, they would never be comfortable with it. My uncle Peter passed almost three decades ago, but it forever changed everyone who knew him. My grandmother's wish might seem a bit irrational, but it was motivated entirely by grief and it didn't seem right to disrespect that just because she's not around anymore. And to whoever PM'd me that my fiancé's only on my side to keep the peace, he didn't want to use the name either. Months before I got pregnant, he told me he hoped one of his cousins would have a son before we did, because he always hated the tradition and sympathized with my family. He's just as angry at his parents as I am, if not more. Also, most of his cousins and some other relatives have come around and apologized. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Are they this unhinged in other areas of your life too?* "According to my fiancé, they've always been a little entitled, but I never really saw them enough to be able to say that. I will say that, though they were polite, they very clearly didn't care about me until we moved in together. My MIL pretended not to remember my name every time she saw me, and my FIL would lose interest in any conversations that weren't about him. Once it was clear me and my fiancé were in for long term, they started acting a lot more friendly towards me, but it never seemed sincere." *Have other family members come around yet?* "Most of my fiancé's cousins have come around, and his brother was always on our side. His grandmother and some of his aunts and uncles are with us too. His grandfather (divorced from his grandmother), two out of three living Peters (the two oldest) and pretty much everyone else are either still mad at us or haven't reached out to talk about it yet. My entire family is on my side. They promised not to interfere in the naming process, but are relieved we didn't name him Peter." *One more note on the $1000 offered in the first post:* "And that's $1000 in MY country's currency. It roughly translates to $200USD." **(note- OOP clarifies in a comment that she is Brazilian)** *OOP drops this horrible bombshell about her uncle, the one who died before she was born:* "My uncle was murdered. My grandmother's request was motivated by trauma." "Again; my family would be mostly fine with naming my son Peter. My dad and my aunt might have been uncomfortable, and my grandmother asked us all not to do so, but I wouldn't have been disowned if I had. It simply felt disrespectful, especially since my grandmother passed shortly before my son was born. My uncle's death was traumatic for my family, but the name Peter is hugely common in my country."

AITA for breaking my fiancé's family tradition by naming my son what I wanted?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wcmnt/aita_for_breaking_my_fiancés_family_tradition_by/

13wfksg

[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/11lkgu5/employer_wants_to_settle_should_i/) posted by u/Odd-Bet1755 in r/LegalAdviceUK on 08 Mar 2023. **Employer wants to settle. Should I ?** [I am in England] So, I filed for unfair dismissal months ago and my employer wants to now settle for 20k before the hearing. They emailed me about the offer and said that “ they don’t believe I’ll win the claim ? And they would like me to accept the offer for all existing and future claims “ Two questions : * why offer me the money if they don’t think my case has any credibility ? I am prepped for the case and obviously think I can win. * I don’t understand the “ future “ claim part. The case also involves whistleblowing. Should I blindly accept on this ( future claims ) condition ? They want to do a COT3 agreement Thanks -------------------------------------------- Relevant comments: > u/OxfordBlue2 > What was your annual salary? What % of that salary does £20K represent? How long did you work there? > u/Odd-Bet1755 > 130k annual salary. 3.2 years. > u/OxfordBlue2 > OK - so £20K is not even two months’ gross pay. That’s a low offer, especially if the dismissal is related to whistleblowing. > u/Odd-Bet1755 > I’m hired now at nearly 400k at a top company. ( the company can’t be better for my career. It’s one of the major giant tech companies. I’m very happy to be out of that place. ) > u/awkwardlondon > Forgive me for butting in but what the heck are you doing for that £400k?! > u/Odd-Bet1755 > I’m a principal scientist. Maths and AI. Mostly AI > u/Beardless_FTW > NAL Does your contract say that they can pay you PILO (Pay in lieu of notice) in the event o termination? If it doesn’t then not allowing you to work notice is a possible breach of contract - a negotiation point at the very least. Also, if the reason you’re no longer employed is contentious, then look up filing a SAR (Subject Access Request) for all communications between management where you are specifically referenced. By law (again, NAL) they have to provide it and it may be such a PITA that they’ll up the offer to avoid it. > u/Odd-Bet1755 > Wow, very interesting point. Thanks for this. I basically want them to not get away with treating people like this. I’m sure they would be way worse to someone on a lower salary. -------------------------------------------- [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/LegalAdviceUK/comments/13plx8d/success_story_employment_tribunal_100k_settlement/) posted by u/Odd-Bet1755 in r/LegalAdviceUK on 23 May 2023. Very quickly off the top of my head: * We went to court ! * They tried to settle again through ACAS only the Friday before our prelim hearing on Monday. Sending me a last minute letter that they’ll pay me 25k if I reply within end of business day Friday and take back all charges. * their letters to court showed witnesses ( my ex colleagues ). However, none came to the actual court to speak against me. They’re still my friends and we meet up regularly. * The panel was extremely kind and responsive * I’m from Himalayas, India. I need a work visa to work in the uk. I’m on exceptional talent visa which means that if I get fired then I don’t have to pack my bags and immediately leave the country. Sadly, most if not all of the usual skilled workers are on tier 2 so their situation would be way worse than mine. ie having to uproot their life and leave like that. * Live in London * I was offered a way better job ( almost 4x the salary ) within two months of getting fired. I think this worked in my favour to convince the court than I’m not “ lazy, unintelligent and incompetent” like my firing letter said I was. * when Apple hired me ( my current company ); they were given a really bad reference from my ex company. All lies too. Luckily, the HR at Apple questioned them about my official appraisal ( which said how Amazing I am. All in writing ). This appraisal was issued 2 months before I was fired. * they settled for 110k in the end and understandably the court proceedings came to a halt there and then. * tbh it takes a lot of mental energy and I didn’t want to spend that on them. I was happier in my job, making more money and I simply wanted justice about correcting all the lies they said about me. Or I wanted to punish them for doing those things. * settling doesn’t prohibit me from reporting them to ICO. Which I’ll be doing next. Thanks for reading. **REMINDER, I AM NOT THE OP**

OOP takes former employer to employment tribunal

CONCLUDED

beerbellybegone

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wfksg/oop_takes_former_employer_to_employment_tribunal/

13wnnjk

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/BrokkenArrow in r/nonmonogamy** trigger warnings: >!kink, nonmonogamy, consent violation!< mood spoilers: >!inevitable but satisfying ending!< OP overhears his wife and her boyfriend insulting and degrading him during sex. OP never consented to be the object of her boyfriend's cuck and humiliation fetish. Drama ensues. OP finds out that's not the only thing his wife's been hiding from him. (Edit: ENM= Ethical Non-Monogamy) --- &nbsp; Part 1: [I (36m) heard my wife (40f) and her partner insulting me during sex and I’m seriously questioning our future together.](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/11aneeu/i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her_partner_insulting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb) - February 24, 2023 Been ENM with my (36m) wife (40f) for over a decade. We’ve had our ups and downs but generally it’s been great. We have our rules, the most fundamental one being that even in the context of ENM, we would always operate on a bedrock foundation of mutual respect for each other and each other’s partners. We never got hung up on the “not in our bed” nonsense. If my wife has a date, I’d rather she be in her own space where she feels safe and in control, and where she knows I have access in case anything goes wrong. We both take partners back to our home regularly - we have no kids so there’s no problem there. We had agreed that if one of us gets home and the other is there with a partner, then we don’t disturb the date and just wait until it’s over. We’ve also always gotten off on listening in on each other when this happens, which anyone we bring back home is made fully aware of. Usually we all have a drink together afterwards. I got to my house and she was there with her longest-term partner, who has been in our lives for about 6 years at this point. They didn’t know I was in the house and I started listening from the landing - they were talking about me in an incredibly humiliating way. He would give her prompts, asking her questions about how pathetic and useless I am, and she would agree, about how I can’t fuck and am a shit husband and she would agree and pile on with name-calling and degrading comments about me. FWIW I know it’s part of a power/humiliation dynamic, but I don't care. I was fucking furious. It’s not an ego thing, I know I’m a good attentive husband and if I can allow myself a moment of conceit, I’m a pretty damn good lay as well. I would not EVER tolerate any partner of mine saying a bad word about my wife, and I would die before I participate in anything that humiliates her even if she’s not there. At no point in our ENM journey did I consent to become the object of my wife’s derision and disrespect when she’s on a date, especially with her closest and longest-running partner. I walked into the bedroom (big no-no) and told him to get the fuck out. My wife was livid and said no he’s not going anywhere, but I put my foot down and kicked him out of the house. We had a massive fight, she told me I was being a huge pussy, I told her she doesn't respect me, and some harsh words were said from both sides. That was Tuesday night and we haven't really spoken since (I certainly won’t be the first to make contact) and she’s been staying at his place all week, which is a mmaajjoorr violation of our ground rules but I also broke them by kicking him out. For 13 years I've worshipped the ground she walks on, and I refuse to accept the way they talk about me, even in the heat of the moment. It's not right and I won't stand for it. It's really put the future of our marriage into question, because I won't move forward with him still in the picture and that will cause a volcanic amount of friction (she really likes him and has known him for almost half the time she’s known me), it would severely disrupt our system and I know she would resent me for it, but I also know I will resent her if he stays. I feel steadfast in this, but I'd appreciate a sanity check before I make any drastic moves. &nbsp; Part 2, posted the next day. [[UPDATE] I (36m) heard my wife (40f) and her partner insulting me during sex and I'm seriously questioning our future together. ](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/11bu0fl/update_i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her_partner/) - February 25, 2023 Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/11aneeu/i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her_partner_insulting/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb My wife came home last night and we had a very long and incredibly difficult conversation. She texted me yesterday and asked if it was okay with me if she came home after work, I said it's her home too and that I'd been waiting for her for three days. There's no way I could go through everything that was said so I'll just summarise what I feel were my biggest takeaways. Basically, there was some good and some bad, and we're taking baby steps on crackling ice: As soon as she walked in the door and saw me she broke down and started apologizing. For what they said, for what she said afterwards, and for leaving, all of it. The shit talk about me has been going on for nearly 2 years. Started around the time covid lock downs were relaxing so we could see FWB again. She had told him she'd missed him during sex the first time they met back up, he told her yeah because all she's had in lockdown is me, and it escalated from there. They don't do it regularly, just from time to time, and that she was mortified I had heard it. She said she never means any of that stuff, but it turns him on and the sex is better as a result. Dude has his own major insecurities apparently, and she had taken it upon herself to make him feel more like a man, and she never thought I'd ever hear or be hurt by it. The way she phrased it was that when they shit talk like that, it pretty much tends to be around stuff that he doesn't feel he measures up about, and she always knows it's false and has never spoken a bad word about me outside that headspace. Her initial burst of anger when I barged in the bedroom, she says, came from a place of extreme embarrassment and shame. I should note that while we do get off on listening, we never watch each other- we've tried a few times but there's something about the visual that rubbed us both the wrong way so we stopped. So for her when I walked in it was kind of like a parent busting in on you masturbating to some fucked up porn. It is also true that when I walked in he did have her in a very vulnerable position performing a humiliating sex act on her, so I see how that could have made her erupt in shame. Upon reflection, it may also be possible that seeing her in that compromised position added to my own anger in that moment as well. She was also feeling embarrassed on behalf of the guy, that she wasn't able to provide a safe place for him, and blamed me in the moment for embarrassing them both. This also fueled her defensiveness afterwards and her refusal to back down or concede anything. I'd made her feel like a whore, apparently. She apologized unreservedly for not acknowledging my feelings on the night and for not apologizing straight away. She regrets the things she said during our big fight and that I was totally right to feel the way I did and that she was just feeling humiliated and cornered, but that she knows I must have felt even worse. I asked her if she loves him. Of course not she says, they have great sexual chemistry and she cares about him alot but they would never be compatible in real life and not once has she ever contemplated a future with him. It somehow upset her that I would think that. However, she confessed that she has known for over a year that he has been in love with her since at least before the pandemic. He tells her frequently but she never says it back. She said that it made their time together more intimate and enjoyable and since she knew she could never reciprocate his feelings, it wasn't a threat. She's made it clear to him plenty of times that a future between them wasn't on the cards. This part has been really difficult for me to process. She said they would stop that kind of talk going forward. I said not good enough, I want him out. She started crying and said she feared I would want that but hoped I wouldn't. She asked if there's any way they might be able to continue, I said she could hang out with him all she wants but she'd be doing it as a single woman. She cried but she agreed to break things off. She asked if they can meet up one more time because they never got the chance to say bye, I agreed on the condition that they leave me out of it and that she makes it clear to him that that will be the last time they ever even speak. Any further contact of any kind after that will be the end of us. I should also note that in our subsequent fight that night, at one point I did say something like well why don't you just fuck off to his place then (in a rhetorical way that you sometimes do in heated argument), and in a moment of pettiness she said fine I will and packed a bag and went. She spent the first night with him out of spite, but they did not have sex and she would not have stayed any further nights except he went away for work so she had his place to herself. Out of pride she was holding out and waiting for me to make contact before coming back, just as I was. We had to take around a half hour break when I told her I had gone as far as making an appointment with an attorney for next week. She didn't handle that well at all and had a severe panic attack. She said she never imagined that would ever be on the cards, and that she would have come home days ago if she thought I was even remotely thinking about it. That she can't imagine life without me. Finally I asked her how I'm supposed to believe the things she's telling me or if she's full of shit. She said she promises she's being truthful and she's never broken a promise to me before (which is true). So I'm inclined to mostly believe her explanations but there's still alot of things I need to work through, process, ask about and convince myself of. We decided we would close the marriage for a couple of months to focus on our own relationship and then reassess. I've cancelled my meeting with the lawyer and we're going to go to counseling (any suggestions on how to find ENM-friendly therapists would be helpful. I never thought we'd ever be here so I have no idea where to start looking.) She offered to close her side unilaterally and let me keep seeing my partners but this is about both of us. I'm not interested in having her punish herself for the sake of it. I still have to figure out if 1) I really fully believe what she told me and 2) if I'm satisfied to continue. I'll take our time while we're closed to make up my mind. It'll be tough but I'm willing to at least try and work on it. I've been steeling myself for divorce all week so that's the mind set I've been in, and I acknowledge that I owe it at least to the relationship we had to give it a hard try. EDIT: A lot of you in the comments have been asking why I would ever allow one final date between them, especially a private one. I’ve given some explanation in replies but I feel it might be worth expanding on. Believe me I’ve considered a lot of the same things that you’ve mentioned (Why would she even want to? Does she really not love him? It’s only adding to the disrespect. etc.) The main reason I’m agreeing to it is, counterintuitively, to give our marriage the best chance going forward. I don’t want there to always be the chip in her head of “I wish we had one last day” on top of whatever other resentment she might already feel from having to break up. I’m only doing this under the strict understanding that any more bullshit, or any more contact after this in any way whatsoever is an immediate guillotine to our marriage. No trial, no appeal, just summary execution right then and there. There’s no way I could have made this more clear to her, so the ball (balls?) is in her court. Underpinning my decision, though, I have to admit that for the past week I’ve been painting myself a light shade of apathy. My mind has been so focused on the divorce process and life after marriage, that the prospect is less scary to me. Logically I should have been furious that she even asked to see him one last time, but honestly I just didn’t care. If it helps you move on, go for it, it seems I’m the one more mentally prepared for divorce than you are so if you want to blow it all up, go for it, I’m ready - type of thing. I should also mention that I insisted we wait to close our marriage until after we’ve had a chance to be with our other partners as well. Don’t know if that’s good or bad, maybe it’s bad, but not only does that give me a chance to meet with my FWBs one last time for god knows how long (she’s not the only one with attachments to other people), but it also means that his memory is diluted. He won’t be the last “other guy” she gets with before we hibernate. Maybe that’s petty or counterproductive, but fuck him. They’re meeting up tomorrow and she has made it clear to him that this will be the last time. If she wants to violate that pledge or any other, then I’m already 3-4 steps ahead on the other side, so I’m just not scared even if it backfires. &nbsp; Part 3. [Update: I (36m) heard my wife (40f) and her partner insulting me during sex and I’m seriously questioning our future together.](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/11k11we/update_i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her_partner/) - March 6, 2023 Previous post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/11bu0fl/update_i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her_partner/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button I didn't really plan to write another update, but a bunch of you have DMd me asking about what’s been happening so maybe it’s worth one. Firstly, we found an ENM-friendly therapist with some really good references, so we’ve gone to see her four times so far, which she said was a pretty intense schedule and that usually she recommends weekly or biweekly appointments, but that given the crisis we are in we would benefit from more frequent sessions in the short-term and saving our arguments/fights/discussions for our sessions with her so things don't get out of hand. We’re officially closed now. We both saw who we needed to see and it's just the two of us. The therapist said two months was nowhere near long enough so we’ve closed indefinitely for now, and we’ll see down the line when we open back up. My wife’s FWB didn’t take their split well. He came to the house to talk to me and try and change my mind but I wouldn’t open the door to him. Ended up calling the cops after he started getting aggressive. He’s out of the picture now, and the even better news is that he was too upset to even consummate that last meeting of theirs. His last memory of sex with my wife is me busting in on him, and now he has to live with that. Our third therapy session was really brutal. She came clean about a bunch of stuff that really shocked me, maybe even more than the whole insult thing. She had been breaking ground rules pretty much left and right for the thrill of it, often in really specific and deliberate, and pretty hurtful, ways. My trust in her is pretty much non-existent right now, and regardless of therapy I’ve given myself until the end of the year to begin feeling some trust in her again, otherwise I don’t see much point going on. I’m struggling with bitterness due to the fact that trying to save my marriage means I’ll likely lose other relationships with people special to me, and it could all be for no reason in the end. Right now it’s just one step at a time. Not much more to do than fight through it, but I am a fighter. PS. None of you warned me how goddamned expensive therapy is, but you best believe it’s coming out of the joint account. Little edit: Hey folks I know that obviously this is a really bad situation, and she's done a lot wrong. But I should explain a bit about why I'm willing to fight for it (and why I'd rather not see people denigrating her in these replies). Despite everything I've explained in these few posts, we're talking about a truly incredible woman. She's warm, she's loving, she's kind, she's so intelligent, she's FIERCE. She's always been the first to help whoever needs it, the last to leave when more still needs to be done. She takes care of her family, she's HILARIOUS with a wicked sense of humor, she's adventurous, she loves life, she loves to laugh and she doesn't suffer fools. She's also incredibly gorgeous, I mean like actual magazine cover stunning, and if I can be a bit off-color, she can fuck like Olympus thunder over the waves. She's been the love of my life, she's made some life-changing mistakes, but if there's any way to go back to what we had, I'm prepared to slog through pain to get there. &nbsp; Part 4, Final update: [(Last update) I (36m) heard my wife (40f) and her partner insulting me during sex and it's really making me question our future together.](https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/13qodie/last_update_i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her/) - May 24, 2023 Last post: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/11k11we/update_i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her_partner/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Hi everyone - just one final update here. We tried our best but unfortunately, it has not worked out. I haven’t been able to get past it. There is no trust there anymore. There’s fondness, but I don’t know if I can even call it love any more. She’s pretty devastated, which I don’t take any pleasure in. At least I’m doing a pretty decent job of letting go of the anger, therapy has helped a lot for that. Maybe if it was just our relationship impacted we might have been able to make it work, but it’s had a ruinous effect on a number of other relationships as well, and an impact on my life beyond just my marriage. Among other things, she had sought out and slept with a couple of close friends and a work subordinate of mine. Those friendships (which I’ve had for decades) are now over, and that person at work has been let go. All of it is having knock-on effects on other parts of my personal and work life. It’s not something I can get over. The separation and divorce will at least be amicable. We won’t be battling it out in the courts, we’ve already agreed on a division of assets that we both agree is fair (luckily neither of us has had to rely financially on the other while we’ve been together). I’ve decided that after the divorce is finalized, I’ll have no more contact with her whatsoever, I need a clean break. One silver lining is that I’ve been able to meet back up with a couple of my partners from before and had a grand old time. I made the mistake of saying, genuinely and with no bad intention, that at least now she can meet back up with the other guy again. She didn’t take that the way I meant it and thought I was having a dig at her and we had a big fight but then it smoothed over. In any event, it’s on to the next adventure now. May enjoy single life for a while - I’ve still got a good chunk of my youth left and fortunately I still look like it. I’ll take my wins whenever I can get them. I’m in mourning but also excited about what life has in store - one major thing is that she never wanted to be a parent, and I did before we got married. The prospect of fatherhood is open to me again and that’s really life-affirming. Onward and upwards. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

I (36m) heard my wife (40f) and her partner insulting me during sex and I’m seriously questioning our future together.

CONCLUDED

Ok_Fine_8680

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wnnjk/i_36m_heard_my_wife_40f_and_her_partner_insulting/

13wst71

The OOP is u/VanBabyPony2 \- DO NOT HARASS HER Content Warning: >!Depression, Emotional Abuse!< Mood Spoiler: >!Things get really bad, but there's a glimmer of hope!< Please note that I was not able to include all the posts here because Reddit posts have a character limit of 40,000 and this exceeded that. I considered making a part one/two of this, but decided against it as this story had been posted here before. So: **please read** [**this previous BORU post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/zpyapm/oops_mother_comes_out_and_abandons_her_to_be_with/) **for the first post and the first five updates**. To give a TL;DR: *OOP's mother came out of the closet and moved away with her fiancée. Things spiraled for OOP when she overheard her mother talking about moving on from her old life. Her mother did not visit her in the hospital when she medical issues. At her mother's wedding, OOP was snubbed by her mother. Her mother began forcing OOP to come over for her in-laws, trying to control her university choice and ditched her birthday party.* [Update 6](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/update_6_told_my_mom_that_her_coming_out_is_what/) \- January 17th 2023: So, the day after my dad and his fiancee got married (I guess she's also my stepmom now) I had to go to Victoria because my mom wanted me there. My cousin was supposed to come but she changed plans cause her boyfriend got time off work so they went to Whistler instead. When I got to my mom's house, I was there for half an hour and found out my mom and her wife were going to Ottawa for her wife's job so I'd be staying with my step-grandparents until Christmas weekend. I call them step-grandparents here cause it makes sense for some reason but in real life I've started calling them nana and papa. I'll be honest, I had so much fun with them. I really love them both so much. Step-grandpa loves basketball as well and he's also a Lakers fan, step-grandma taught me how to knit (I'm not that good), they made me amazing breakfasts and lunch every day I was there, we would go out for dinner every night and they even live closer to UVic than my mom does, so they said if I go there, they'd turn a room into a study room for me. The thing was when my mom came back and I went back there, she told me that she found out while in Ottawa that they got a new car for me for Christmas. Mom was kind of angry because she thinks it's too much and I was honestly just scared cause I've never had anything so expensive. But my mom talked it out with my dad and apparently it's all right. So, on Christmas, they brought me the car and it is really cool. I was so nervous to drive it but I do like it. I left it in Victoria because I don't want to drive by myself yet. My mom got me a lot of presents and I mean a lot, there was so much there it felt super overwhelming. After Christmas, we saw that new Disney movie Strange World because my mom and I both love those kind of movies. In it the main character is a teenager who has issues with his dad and grandpa and he's also gay, but it's just who he is and it's handled like normal in the movie. But as soon as it became clear he was gay, my mom got really quiet and just kind of shut down and just went to her room when the movie was done. She didn't even say good night to me. When I went to brush I could hear her crying really badly to her wife and I know I shouldn't spy but I just had to and she was crying about how it's so normal now and how she wishes she could have come out as a teenager and lived her life the way she should have and how she and her wife could have gotten married way before. I felt really bad and then I heard her talk about how many years she wasted as a soccer mom and I got mad as well and just went to my room. I was kind of prepared to argue about the movie the next morning but my mom didn't even come out of her room. Her wife said she was feeling sick and when I went to say good morning, she stopped me cause she was like my mom doesn't me to see her like that. I heard my mom throwing up and when I said good morning through the door just to check on her she said it back but then started crying again really loudly and had her wife take me away because she said she can't let me hear her cry. I just stayed watching tv after that because I felt really bad cause it was my idea to watch that movie. Her wife kept going back and forth and tried to get her to eat and apparently she ate some bread but then she threw that up too. Then my step-grandparents came because they were worried and they went driving with me to distract me. We went to DQ even though it was really cold and it did get my mind off things until step-grandpa answered a call from my mom's wife and and then he was telling her to take my mom to a hospital but I heard her mention how my mom would rather die than go there and how she didn't see her parents in the hospital and didn't even go to see me. When my step-grandparents asked if that was true, I said it was about me and I tried not to but I did cry. They got me to stop and I still feel fucking embarrassed that I cried in front of them but we had a good day together. When my step-grandparents dropped me off, my mom was on the couch and called me over and then gave me such a big hug but it was like she was holding in tears. She told me that she wasn't feeling good at all and asked if I wouldn't mind going back to my step-grandparents the day after. Her wife said that maybe they should send me back to Vancouver and I could stay with my uncle and my mom just got so angry I actually got really scared and she went on a rant about how she's not going to let me see him and how he's just been trying to turn me against her and he just hates her because she doesn't have aids trauma (that didn't make sense because my uncle doesn't have aids) and he needs to get over himself and remember that my dad is his brother and not son and to focus on his actual granddaughter. Her wife tried to calm her down but then she just yelled out that she wishes that my uncle would just fucking die and it was the worst decision of her life to pity my dad and not just take me with her when she left. I really didn't know that she hated him that much. Like when I was younger, they were always so close and dad would even joke sometimes about her stealing his brother. I honestly started crying really badly because he is my favourite uncle but that just made mom angrier and she was like to her wife that it's jut proof that nobody understands and that my uncle is trying to steal me cause I'm the best thing in her life. Then she actually yelled at me to fucking stop crying, that I cried more than I did when I was a baby and she said the thing about me not getting a husband again. Her wife just took my mom to their room and they left me on the couch and I don't know I couldn't stop crying and I just fell asleep there cause I didn't feel like I could move. In the morning, I woke up and I was still on the couch but there was a blanket on me and my head was in my mom's lap and really felt like crying again but I held it in and then my mom actually said sorry. She said she doesn't know what's been happening to her since we saw the movie but it was no excuse to yell at me for crying and she's so sorry that she hurt me so badly and she's starting to understand how horrible she's been to me the entire winter break. She called her wife over and made her apologize to me too. And after breakfast we had a really big talk about how she was feeling and she seemed really sorry and said she would never get mad at me for crying again. But what mattered to me was when she said she was sorry she took all her anger on my uncle out on me and that she was wrong to do that and wrong to let me know how she feels because it would be wrong to make me stop loving him. She said she knows I might not forgive her but even if I do, she'll never forgive herself and she will try to change back to who I need her to be so we can go back to normal. She did offer to let me go to him and I don't know why I didn't say yes but I kind of felt like I still had to stay. I talked to her wife too and she was really sorry for what happened cause she'd never seen my mom that way before and just wanted to calm things down. She told me she was wrong not to take my side and apparently my mom was mad at her for not doing that and she feels really guilty and she's the one who put the blanket on me and she slept by me until like 4 AM when my mom came and took over. She also said she'd do whatever it took to get my forgiveness and she wishes she never hurt me because I've become such an important part of her life and she's so grateful I love her parents. For the rest of the break, my mom didn't really talk that much and she did start eating, but it wasn't that much. My step-grandparents came over every day to check on me. Mom did seem to get a little bit better on New Years. Every time I'd ask how she felt though she'd just say she's fine and it's her job to worry about me and not the other way around. I did go home the day after New Years because school was starting but I had to go back on Friday (I got back Sunday night) because I had a meeting at UVic. And mom seemed really different, she seemed smaller somehow and she definitely looked skinnier. I know it's only been two weeks but she seemed skinnier and she still seemed sad but like she was at least pretending to be happy. The meeting at UVic went really good and it really does seem like an amazing place to go to school and even though I don't know if I want to do engineering anymore, there's still a lot there. My mom did make me sign up to go check out UBC, SFU and Langara as well. She also said that she's going with her wife to Ontario in February and we can do a road trip together while her wife is working and check out univerisites there like Waterloo or McMaster and U of T. She said she wanted me to know I can choose to go to them but she's confident I'll come to her. But aside from the meeting, she didn't leave home at all (I did to hang out with my step-grandparents) and when I was there, she cuddled me almost the entire day unless we were eating and her wife told me she's been working from home. I don't know what to make about any of it like if this means I'm getting my mom back like she used to be or if she's just going to keep on changing or if she's depressed now too. I wasn't planning on posting but I feel like I need people's opinions on what could be happening with her. *Comments:* * OOP comments on her mom being afraid of the hospital [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/comment/j4tsiyc/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "Thank you, it meant a lot that my mom apologized to me too. I was surprised that she did and maybe it means more than it seems. I never knew she was afraid of the hospital before because it's not like she's never taken me to the doctor and she obviously had to go when she gave birth to me but it does make sense. " * OOP comments on her mom's AIDS insult [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/comment/j4t7ddh/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "I know for a fact that my uncle doesn't have aids. He helped me when I was in grade eight with a project we did on HIV/AIDS in Malawi about a book called the Heaven Shop and he introduced me to a friend of his from South Africa who has it for an interview part me and my friend put in it. But we didn't learn anything about an AIDS epidemic, only that it's a serious problem in countries like Malawi. My uncle's in his fifties, so maybe that was what she was talking about." * OOP comments on her parents' ages [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/10er40v/comment/j4ttq1n/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): "My mom and dad got married right when high school finished and then they had me not that long after. " [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/114w5or/oops_mother_comes_out_of_the_closet_and_then/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- Feb 17th, 2023 [Update 7](https://www.reddit.com/user/VanBabyPony2/comments/11xw10y/update_7/) \- March 21st, 2023 So, I'm posting here because I've gotten a lot of DMs and I guess I just want to address things. My spring break is almost over, just this week left, so I don't know how much more I'll be on here. I'm not posting this in JUSTNOMIL because my original account has not been restored yet and I figure it's best if I only post on my profile or on mom for a minute and I'm sure that whoever sees this here could give advice. That way I won't break any rules again. So, first I haven't seen my mom since winter break and I do miss her a lot. It's weird because I don't want to go to her house and my therapist has been helping me deal with it saying this is the time to learn to be myself but I do miss her a lot and I wish I could see her. At the beginning of last month, my mom did start going to therapy herself and I was supposed to go and see her for Valentines but her therapist said she was unstable and made it an unsafe environment for me so I couldn't go. She texts me good morning and good night every day but whenever I've called or FaceTimed she would hang up and I know that because it ends after a ring or she'd text me to not call. I talked to her wife on the phone every week and she said she's been getting better. My cousin got engaged last week and my mom did call me then. My mom and my cousin are really close and I'm so happy she's getting married so it's a big deal for all of us. And my mom promised me that she'll come over whenever my cousin actually starts planning because she's doesn't want to get married until November. She did start making those jokes again about me and my boyfriend being next but stopped when I asked. And when she called, my mom told me that therapy has helped her see she had the wrong view on some things, so she said she's sorry for not to taking me with her when she came out and moved. She said that's why I was being resentful and thinking horrible things and if she could do it all over again, she would take me so we could be as close as we were. She said she didn't take me because she still loves my dad and was worried he would be broken without me and she didn't want to uproot my life. She did say it was nice to get a break from being a day to day mom but it hasn't been worth how bad things have gotten between us. She promised me I am the most important thing in her life and when therapy gets her to a place where she can be herself again we will be just like we used to. I don't know every time I think about that call it's been confusing me because I'm happy that she finally said sorry to me and that it's not my fault and she was wrong to go without me. But at the same time the call just kept making me feel like she's never going to get to where she needs to be even though she's in therapy. I know I'm being ridiculous or worrying too much because I tried to tell her that but she didn't get what I meant. My step-grandparents did come over for the weekend though. We had a lot of fun together and step-grandpa/papa promised me that he'd get us Lakers tickets if they made it to the playoffs. And not just him and me but my cousin, her fiancée, my dad and his wife too. So I really hope that they do. They did ask me about my mom and told me she's got a really big promotion at work but I guess they knew talking about her was making me sad since they only did it once. Oh and to people messaging me asking about my uncle and asking if he's the same uncle I mentioned who has a son, yes he is. When my uncle's partner was alive, he got custody of his nephew because his sister died and my uncle and his partner raised him together. So he is my uncle's son and is my cousin and his daughter is my niece. I got 12 people messaging me and like it's probably just one troll but it is very annoying. If you guys have any advice that I can bring up with my therapist, I would love to hear it. [Previous BoRU](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/125v8g9/oop_is_abandoned_by_her_mother_after_she_comes/) \- March 29 2023 [Update 8](https://www.reddit.com/user/VanBabyPony2/comments/13qyx3e/update_8/) \- May 24th 2023 So I guess I'm posting here because I need to vent somewhere because it feels like nobody is listening. I guess the first thing is that other than texting, my mom and I haven't talked at all aside from this last weekend. The first thing was that my cousin is getting married and she told me that she wants to have kids as soon as she gets married. Because my aunt isn't alive and our real grandparents aren't either, she wants my mom to be her kids' grandma. I don't know why that still made me feel so weird especially because I was there when my cousin phoned my mom and she seemed so happy and excited even though this is like two years away. But my mom has been taking care of my cousin since she was like eleven or twelve and they both mean a lot to each other so I tried to get over it. And then my step-grandfather got me, my dad, my cousin and her fiance tickets to the Lakers/Warriors game. My step-grandfather couldn't come even though he wanted to because my step-grandmother and my mom's wife got sick and my mom didn't feel she could take care of both of them alone. I still had the best time at the game and saw Lebron and Steph Curry and the Lakers even won but I wish that everyone could have gone. And then I got into UVic, UBC, SFU, McMaster, Waterloo, Guelph and University of Guelph. I think it's because of my extracurricular projects and clubs because my English grades are still very bad even though I'm doing great in everything else. So my mom phoned me and said she was coming over this last weekend because it was a long weekend and we were going to talk about university and her will and I got nervous but excited because she was actually going to come. And she came on Friday and said she'd be staying with my cousin but she came to our house first. She really looked a lot different, I mean she looked so much skinnier than before and she had her hair dyed jet black with green streaks in it. And then she was wearing all these fancy and expensive clothes that she never wore before like she was wearing a Versace dress and promised to get me one too. She also got a tattoo on her wrist with my name and showed me it and the design was beautiful but it was so weird seeing her looking so different. She said she'd leave on Monday and that gave us an entire weekend together. She took me and my boyfriend out for dinner and then we even watched the new Fast and Furious movie and she didn't even make those jokes about us getting married. And I stayed over at my cousin's that night and we did cuddle and get up late and make breakfast together and we had a lot of fun. We spent that day together as well and then had dinner at a really nice place in Burnaby with my cousin and her fiance. And then on Sunday we finally had the talk. She and my dad and my dad's wife sat me down and first they talked about the will. My mom said she's leaving me most of the things she has with my cousin getting the rest and my dad said pretty much the same. I don't want to go into specifics but they kept talking about it down to the details like my great grandmother's necklaces and what to do when I inherit their houses and life insurance and stuff even though I really didn't want to. It felt so morbid thinking about them being dead and they wouldn't stop, they both said I'm going to university, I'm 17 and I need to know this and it just made my mood so sour. And then I told my mom the universities that I got into and she was so happy that I got into so many. And then she said that as much as she wants me to come to UVic, she's proud of me either way and would be perfectly fine with me staying and going to UBC. But then I told her that my boyfriend was going to McMaster and I wanted to go so we could be together. Her face got really disappointed then and she said that's not the right reason to choose moving all the way to Hamilton for and she can't support my decision if it's not for myself and my education. She said if I'm serious about going to an east coast university then every other one on my list is just as good. That started another argument between us because I got really mad and asked what's the problem and she asked if I'm going to study or to support my boyfriend. Then she went on about sex and what if I got pregnant and I yelled at her that she should be happy since it's like she keeps talking about me getting married and having kids. She didn't yell back at me and just said that she was always joking about that and won't make those jokes again. But then I said that she and dad were both eighteen when they got married and then had me and she started talking about how hard that made university for her and how it led her to repress who she was for so long and how she wants me to focus on my future. Then when I said I wanted to have my future with him she said she's going to talk to his mother about this and I should get ready to break up with him if he can't go long distance because it's the best thing for me. And I started crying because I don't want to break up with him and I didn't want to because as soon as I did I could see her get really, really mad like she wanted to scream at me but all she said was that she's extremely disappointed in me and that she can't be here. She left and she went to my cousin's house and that just made me cry more and I fell asleep hugging my dad. On Monday, my mom, my dad and my dad's wife met with my boyfriend's mom and we weren't allowed to be there. I don't know what they talked about but they did agree that we shouldn't go to McMaster together even though I know they wouldn't have said that if we both chose UBC. My boyfriend's mad too but he said that he's still going to McMaster no matter what his mom says. Before my mom left she told me she knows I'm mad at her but one day I'll know that she was just looking out for me and to choose any other university on my list and she'll pay for it right away. It just makes no sense. I really want this and they're all agreeing with her that I shouldn't. I talked to my cousin and she said my mom has a point. I told my uncle and he said that I need to look at it like would my boyfriend go to Guelph for me even though that's not the point. Even my counselor said that my mom was right and that just because we've been having issues and that she's been on the wrong side of things doesn't means she's always wrong. I don't know what else to write I'm just feeling really pissed off.

OOP's mother comes out of the closet and tries to control her education after abandoning her

NEW UPDATE

BlujjonBudgie

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wst71/oops_mother_comes_out_of_the_closet_and_tries_to/

13wsuoi

**I am not the Original Poster. That was** u/throwRA_rorotheMIL. She then created a second account: u/Throwawaydisownedson. She posted in r/relationship_advice, r/AmItheAsshole and r/legaladvice. And her own page. I had changed letters to names in the previous BORU post [here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12d8qv8/my_f50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth_and_doesnt/) I used those same names in her update posts for clarity. **Trigger Warning**: >!pre-eclampsia, threatening suicide, psychiatric facility!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!maddening and wtf!< **New Updates are marked with \*\*\*\*\*\*** **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/11n8dm4/my_f_50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth_and_doesnt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)**: March 9, 2023** Title: My (F 50) Daughter in law (24F) gave birth and doesn't seem to want a relationship with me, making it difficult to have a relationship with my son (31M) and new granddaughter Hello Reddit, TLDR: I'm looking for advice on how to build a relationship with my daughter in law, and get over the rift she's causing since giving birth. My son (David, 31) has been married to my daughter in law (Bea, 24?) since September of 2020. Due to the pandemic I never really got to know her because they only dated for about a year before they got married, and I didn't know about her until they had dated for about 6 months. I love my son very much, but I feel like our relationship has been rocky since they git married. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 10, and since they got together I haven't had the same relationship with her. I know this is partially because he moved out of my house (very suddenly without really saying anything I may add), and I no longer get her on his weekends. I try to get them to bring her to visit when they have her, but usually I only see her once a month or so, and lately it has felt like she has been more distant when she visits. I think this is because Bea says negative things about me around her, and I find that unfair. They just had a baby at the end of January. She was induced due to pre eclampsia and in labor for 3 days before having a c section. I had been in an accident a few weeks prior and don't have a vehicle, and my son refused to pick me up to be there for the labor at all or to see the baby in the hospital, but her parents got to see the baby and were in the parking lot the entire time. I called him while she was in labor a few times, but on the second day after her water broke I called him and heard her snap at him to get off the phone and he refused to accept any calls after that. I just wanted to know thst the three of them were okay though! She was in the hospital 2 days after the c section, and they wouldn't stop to visit me on their way home after the birth because she was hurting, even though she had pain killers she could have taken and she "didn't feel right" according to my son. This is when I became concerned she had PPD. My daughter ended up picking up her prescriptions and some groceries for them and got to see the baby that night (her and Bea have a relationship that is apparently pretty good). I was supposed to visit a couple days after they got home, but she ended up insisting something was wrong and went back to the doctor who apparently sent her to the hospital. My son told me they diagnosed her with post partum preeclampsia, but I was pretty certain that that was only something that happened during pregnancy and went away after birth so I was pretty sure he was confused. The day after they admitted her again, 5 days after the baby being born with everyone meeting her but me, was my birthday. I called her around 8 that morning to see what was really going on but she didn't answer. A while later my son called me and wished me a happy birthday and asked why I had called Bea. I admit I snapped at him and said SHE should be returning my call, because I called HER. I hung up on him and maybe 5 minutes later she called me. I told her she should have called me and that I wanted to hear her voice and hear from her what was going on since my son gets confused. I then asked her if this was a mental or physical issue, and she went silent before saying physical. I asked of she was sure, and she got kind of snippy and said they had padding on her bed because she was a seizure risk and she couldn't be alone with her newborn, so she was pretty sure. I didn't comment on her tone because I was sure she was stressed. She was released her the next day, and they came and visited me while I was at my daughters watching her two kids on their way home so I could see the baby. I offered her some pillows to sit on (my son said she "basically gave birth both ways", even though I knew this wasn't true I wondered if she had some soreness that made him think this), and she refused my hospitality saying she was fine and felt pretty good. Two weeks later my son picked me up and brought me to their home to visit. I stayed for a few hours, and she didn't really make any effort to talk to me. She was just quiet and sat on the couch. When my son took me home I asked why she was so unhospitable, and he said I had been rude while she was in the hospital. That she shouldn't have had to call me, and that I shouldn't have asked if it was a mental or physical problem because he had already told me it was physical. He also said I shouldn't have posted anything on Facebook before her about the baby being born, and that I was rude when he called to make me take it down. She doesn't post on social media very often so I didn't think it would be a big deal. He hasn't picked me up to see the baby because he says he needs to be there to help with the baby, and they won't bring the baby to me because he says the baby isn't allowed in my house. I told my son I'm planning to quit my job to babysit for them, but I haven't even gotten her return to work date and she hasn't once thanked me for doing it. Overall I feel like she's holding onto some very petty things and is using them to keep me from my son and granddaughters. I want a relationship with her, but I am missing some critical bonding time with the baby and I am going to struggle to forgive her for it. Especially over petty nonsense she won't even bring up to talk to me. I'm really wanting to send a text and lay all my feelings out for her and just hash it out, but I understand there are probably cultural differences at play with all of this too, so I could use some advice on what to say. ***Relevant Comment: (I took out some from my original BORU*** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12d8qv8/my_f50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth_and_doesnt/) ***for length.)*** Commenter: Lady, if you don't pull your head out of your ass, you're not going to be part of their lives at all. You're not owed nearly any of what you seem to think you are. When it comes to their baby, they don't owe you crap. 1. Your son had two priorities when his wife was in labor. His wife and their baby. Not you. He didn't have time to come pick you up or talk to you on the phone. Have you ever heard of a taxi cab? 2. She shouldn't have to take a pain pill just so they can stop by and see you on their way home. How incredibly selfish of you. They did the right thing and went straight home. 3. Are you seriously questioning a doctor's diagnosis? Do you really think it's appropriate to ask her if it's physical or mental? Are you mental? 4. You're lucky anyone called you back at all. They are tired and are learning how to care for their newborn and that is after your DIL had a complicated labor and delivery and complications after birth. No one has the emotional bandwidth to deal with your entitlement. 5. You inconvenienced your son and had him pick you up and drive you home. Again, taxi, Uber, Lyft were better options. Then you're complaining his wife, who is exhausted and still healing was inhospitable. I'm guessing she was saying plenty to you in her head but was to polite to actually verbalize it. 6. Do they even want you babysitting their baby? Did they actually ask this of you or did you just decree that this is what is happening? 7. You do not post baby news on Facebook without the parents permission. You were rude and overstepping. 8. If you want to send them a text, send them a sincere apology for being a pushy, entitled, pain in the ass and promise you'll behave better in the future. *OOP's response:* I'm a grandparent and do deserve to be in my grandchildrens life. I also deserve not to have my eldest granddaughter turned against me. Saying they owe me nothing is incorrect, and courts would agree with that. I love them both so I don't want it to come to that, but I am OWED that. 1. If he would have came the first night before she was in real labor he wouldn't have needed to talk to me. We don't have taxi cabs, and the uber would have been well put of my budget. 2. She refused to take any of the pain killers once discharged, period. That was selfish of her. And I had food for them too, so my son wouldn't have had to cook. It wasn't just for me to see the baby. 3. No, I was question if my son had the right information. He's relayed wrong things before. 4. I understand that from her perspective after reading some of the comments. However in my family it's just common to call back regardless especially after having a baby. I see it's a cultural difference. 5. I can't uber to where they live otherwise I would be there every day! If that was an option I woukd have definitely jumped on it instead of having him pick me up, but uber isn't I their tiny town. 6. I told my son after I heard Bea telling my daughter about her struggle to find reputable daycare without a year long wait and how she was scared for the safety of her baby. They won't have to worry if I watch her! 7. My son just said not to post pictures. I didn't realize announcing I was a grandma again woukd be a big deal. I deleted it. 8. I told my son I was sorry for hurting her feelings when he told me. I've always apologized to him when he's told me I've done something wrong in her eyes, whether I think it was wrong or not. I don't want to hurt her feelings ever. I want her to know she doesn't have to run to my son though, she can come to me. And I want a chance to explain myself to her. **Post in Legal Advice: March 24, 2023 (2 weeks later) (post is deleted)** I'm seeking advice on getting grandparent rights in Indiana. My son has two daughters with two different women. The oldest is 10, and he and her mother were never married (no custody agreement, they just have an informal agreement). The youngest is almost 2 months old, and he and her mother are married. I was under the impression that any grandparent could petition for custody/visitation in the US, but the way I'm reading it I can't unless my son is incarcerated or they aren't married? Is this correct? What do I need to do to seek joint custody of my granddaughters? What do I need to build a solid case? I've already tried resolving this without going this drastic, but his wife doesn't want to work with me. *Commenters point out that she does not qualify for grandparent's rights in this scenario- she saw them at Christmas and they have to able parents:* I was under the impression that grandparents rights were for when a parent is keeping a child from having a relationship with the grandparents? Visitation would be more then once every 3 months or once a month wouldn't it? I don't feel like there is much of a relationship left with any of them to torpedo. So if I sacrifice a relationship with them to have a relationship with my granddaughters that would be fine."*People draw attention to her previous post and that she's angry her son moved out:* I CAN'T travel to them currently - if I could I would be over there as often as I could be. I have apologized even though I don't think I was wrong. If she felt slighted by anything I said I apologized for it. Really, though, I don't think it should matter. You don't use kids as pawns. I can have a relationship with my granddaughters without her - or I should be able to. That's what I thought grandparents rights were for. To make sure parents couldn't stop an essential relationship with grandparents without a damn good reason (like abuse, drug use, etc). Also. He didn't need my permission to move. I just didn't appreciate that he gave no indication he was leaving. "I have apologized for everything she felt I did wrong, against my better judgement. I don't feel like I shoukd have to continue to beg. My son says shes not preventing me from seeing them and appreciates my apologies, but I still haven't seen my grandchildren." **Update** [**Post**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/126v3ez/update_to_my_f_50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth/)**: March 30, 2023 (3 weeks from OG post)** Well, I apologized to my daughter in law for all the things my son listed. Since I had received feedback about it being my son's job to "handle" his family I told him my apologies to pass along, and then I waited. However, I got no response from Bea. No thank you, no trying to bury the hatchet, nothing. So, last Friday I made an appointment with an attorney to discuss grandparents rights and had that appointment on Tuesday. The lawyer told me I had a good chance with my older granddaughter, but would likely get no where with the baby. I filled out some paperwork to get the process started, but Tuesday night I was questioning if I was doing the right thing. I called one of my friends to discuss, and was seriously considering not moving forward with it after talking to her. Then yesterday I received this message from Bea: "\[Me\] this is \[Bea\] I just wanted to let you know that \[friend\] told us you're intending to go for grandparent rights, and also shared everything you've had to say about me. Let me first say that I have not once kept the either of the girls from you, and I certainly have not kept \[son\] from you. He is a grown ass man, and if he wanted to talk to you he was free to. You have not asked to come over and visit since \[son\] picked you up - you cannot expect us to 1- read your mind or 2 - drop everything and come pick you up. We have a new baby, and we have our own lives. I also have not said a word to you about what happened during delivery/postpartum, because I have no energy to argue with you. \[Son\] said you apologized, and I told him I appreciated it (even though it was NOT a real apology. You apologize for what you did to hurt my feelings, not that my feelings were hurt). I don't have time for your drama. For the record, though, what you said was absolutely disgusting. I almost died - it had nothing to do with my mental health. Since you have decided to go for grandparents rights, we will have no direct contact with you. All contact will need to go through our lawyer. You have been removed from my Facebook. You are not permitted to post any pictures you have been sent of my child on social media, and \[older granddaughters mom\] feels the same way regarding \[older granddaughter\]. We intend to have something written up by our and sent to you by the end of the week regarding this, and ceasing contact with us. I assume we will be servered with your visitation paperwork this week as well. You will get no pictures or phone calls going forward. In fact, you will be blocked. I also hope you realize you will absolutely lose this case. Your house is not suitable to live in, and you would have to be able to pass a drug test. When you lose, we will not resume contact with you. You lost your chance at being apart of our kids lives by deciding to go to the most nuclear option instead of just communicating with us." I tried to respond to her and tell her that I didn't want to go through with it anymore and I reacted pit of anger, but she wouldn't answer texts or calls - so I assume I really am blocked. I called my son to tell him about the text she sent, and he said he knew about it and it was a lot nicer then what he wanted to send me. So, that's where I'm at at this point. I'm going to show my lawyer the text so that it can show how unwilling to forgive and to work with me she is, and hopefully it will resolve quickly so I can at least get visitation rights with my oldest granddaughter. Edit to add: I dont appreciate the nasty messages I have received or the barrage of nasty comments. I admit I made a mistake, but now this is my only option. It's clear that most of the responses from reddit are from those of young people not from my generation, as I have gotten different responses in other online support groups from people my own age who are also grandparents, many from my own culture. ***Relevant Comments: (I again removed some that were in my OG BORU post)*** *Ummm the drug test?* "She says that I would have to pass a drug test. I use medical marijuana to help with a chronic illness, but it is still illegal where I live." "I am quitting entirely since this is a possibility \[getting in trouble\]."*Why tf is your daughter a better mother?*"Because they need to have better cultural examples. For instance, the oldest mother is also not from our culture/race, and her hair is very different from her daughters. She has no idea how to take care of her hair! It's always a mess. My daughter in law has taken some initiative in doing and styling her hair, but she's still not great at it. The girls need someone who can teach them how to handle basic things like taking care of their skin and hair. Oldest hair has been something I have encouraged them to let me handle long before daughter in law came into the picture. Not taking care of a child's hair is a form of neglect. My daughter knows how to do those things because her hair and skin are much closer to theirs and she can handle it with her own children."*One last gem:* I dont feel I deserve to be treated better, but equal. We are both equally important in my son's life. She is obviously more important in her daughters life right now, but without me that baby wouldn't be here. I would drop the grandparents rights case if I wasn't cut off - I reacted out of anger and desperation, but now it's the only option since I'm cut off." **A few people pointed out there is a post that seems like it is from the daughter's perspective on** r/JUSTNOMIL, but OOP of that post has requested it not be re-shared. It has also been deleted. ***However, some highlights include:*** \- MIL threatens suicide because "they turned the whole family against her and won't let her see her granddaughters." Is placed in psychiatric care for 72 hours and released. \- MIL called CPS and said they were starving and neglecting their infant. CPS had to show up. \- MIL also says OOP is holding her husband hostage and police show up \- Thankfully the police and CPS see there is nothing wrong and all charges are dropped \- OOP states she and husband are going to try to move **\*\*\*\*\*\*NEW** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13p0ouy/aita_for_removing_my_son_from_my_will_after_our/)**: May 22, 2023 (2.5 months from OG Post. New Username)\*\*\*\*\*** Title: AITA for removing my son from my will after our relationship ended? I really don’t think I’m wrong, but I just need reassurance that I’m doing the right thing. I (F 50s) have a son (David, 30s) who is married to Bea, 20’s. They have a daughter who is 4 months old, and my son has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 10. Bea & I had a falling out after their baby was born, and my son and granddaughters got caught in the crossfire. The falling out happened in March, and I know I did and said things I wasn’t proud of, and although she hasn’t apologized I’m sure she feels the same way. It would be too long to go over the history, but at the most extreme point I did consult a lawyer for grandparent rights. During this time, my son had no contact with me, but when I dropped the grandparents rights case I asked for things to go back to normal. My son expressed that he wanted things to go back to normal, but that a lot of damage had been done and he really didn’t know if we could go back to normal. For Mother's Day, my daughter decided to take me out to dinner, and she begged David to go and bring the baby (oldest was with mom). David eventually did agree on the condition it wasn’t on mothers day, and He, the baby, and Bea came. Bea was quiet most of dinner, but did talk to my daughter a few times – I guess they have a pretty good relationship. Bea held the baby the entire time, and wouldn’t let me hold or take pictures (part of the falling out was over pictures and Facebook, so I found this to be petty). Overall, I would have called dinner a success. At the end I hugged my son and told him I was proud of him for putting his foot down and coming to dinner with his daughter, and that I hoped he could continue to do that. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have said anything. My son called me later that night and told me that he couldn’t continue to have a relationship with me. He said that Bea was their child's mother, and he wouldn’t ever bring the baby anywhere without her blessing. I was drunk when he called because I have had a hard time coping, and I admit I lost it a little bit on the phone call and told him it was despicable that he couldn’t man up to his wife, and that he should have come to see me on mothers day because I am his mother. He ended up hanging up on me. I called the next day and profusely apologized to him. I know it was wrong of me to have said what I did, and I told him I want a relationship with him. He told me he couldn’t do this with me anymore. I have been heartbroken ever since, but I understand I guess. I called him last night and told him that I wouldn’t be contacting him or his wife anymore ever, and that I respected that we wouldn’t have a relationship. I also let him know I would be taking him off as my power of attorney and out of my will so he never had to be bothered with anything from me again. I don’t have much anyways. He got mad at me and called me a sorry excuse of a mother, and now my daughter is saying I’m manipulative. I really don’t understand how I was wrong in giving him what he wants." ***Relevant Comments:*** *People figure out pretty quickly that she is the same woman as the other posts. The scenarios, ages and the way she often spells would with a "k" as a mistype. That and her overall tone.* *You need therapy:* "I have been in therapy to help deal with this trauma. I've been told that I need to respect his boundaries so this feels like I am. Why would i want someone who doesn't care about me making medical decisions for me? He's also expressed I'm a hoarder and I don't have money so I don't know why he would want to be bothered with stuff in a will." *Someone links the DIL's post (again, OOP of that requested that it not be re-shared so I will not be posting it here) and asks if she really threatened to commit suicide if she didn't see the baby:* "No, I said I wanted to kill myself because I felt like I had no one. While I was on a hold for 72 hours and received treatment I got set up with my therapist to help deal with some of the trauma both from what's happening now and past issues." "I had a psychotic break. This is one of the actions I truly regret." **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/Throwawaydisownedson/comments/13qybnq/aita_for_removing_my_son_from_my_will_after_our/) **to AITA: May 24, 2023** AITA woukdnt let me post an update due my post being "violent" so here we are. after someone posted a link to what i believe is my daughter-in-laws reddit posts and i read some of the verbal beatings i got i did some more reflection. i feel like her perspective of events really helped shift my view. i do want to point out there are several people who told me i was not wrong and that this younger generation has a poor view of family values. i really believe i was judged so harshly because there are so few parents\\grandparents on reddit. i went to my son and dils house but it was mostly empty. i was afraid of this after reading her post and some of the comments. i found the listing and its been posted for almost a week and is currently pending but i cant find where they moved to and all the photos are of the house mostly empty. i suspect they bought it under an llc so i am currently trying to figure out how to find out the name of the llc and then find the house. i talked to one of their neighbors and they said they moved most of their stuff out around the beginning of may so my son kept this from me for quite a while and didnt even bother to mention it at dinner. i had a meeting with my therapist to help me through this but im still a wreck. my son has just disappeared. i know everyone here is looking through my small 3000 character limited posts and my dils long gripes about me but my son woukdnt do this on his own. his wife is absolutely manipulative but it doesnt change the fact i handled this all wrong and drove him further away. if i woukd have just sought out a relationship with my son ang granddaughters without b i dont think i woukd be here. i should have just played nice. one commentor said it when they asked me “do you want to be right or do you want to have a relationship with your son and granddaughter?” and i choose wrong. my therapist told me to give myself some healing time before pursuing anything but for now my plan is to just save some money and hire a private investigator to find my son and then rebuild my relationship and his trust so we can work to get him out from under her. again i recognize i was wrong in some of this. i recognize i was overly demanding and critical – i was wrong in some of this. but i didnt deserve this. people who use kids and grandkids as pawns are evil. i will probably continue to seek advice but it certainly wont be from this account. and to whoever linked my other posts from my other account and told my dil about this screw you. **Edit- One more comment from OOP when her post was crossposted to** r/AmITheDevil "screw everyone here. i am far from being a devil. i am not evil. the person who is evil is the one who took my family completely away from me. my dil has completely manipulated my son. ill admit i was far from perfect but i dont deserve what you people are saying about me. i hope one day you guys feel what it's like to lose your child and grandchild to a manipulative person who just wants to cut their family off." **Edit 2:** Thanks to u/adaptablekey for finding this She also posted this in the 'legaladvice' sub, before she deleted her account. [https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/13qkug9/squatters\_rights\_in\_indiana/](https://old.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/13qkug9/squatters_rights_in_indiana/) "I am currently in the process of moving and have moved all of my things out of my old house and into my newly purchased home leaving my old home empty until it sells. I had a neighbor that had a squatter issue a few years back and I'm concerned that with my house being empty someone will break in and try to claim squatters rights. Is this possible in Indiana and would it stop the sale of the house?" **Edit- A reminder that it is against the rules of this sub (and reddit) to comment on the Original Posts or dm OOP.** **Edit 4-** OOP has now deleted her second account.

She's back: My (F50) Daughter in law (24F) gave birth and doesn't seem to want a relationship with me

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wsuoi/shes_back_my_f50_daughter_in_law_24f_gave_birth/

13wuctw

I am not OOP. Trigger Warning: >!None!< mood spoilers: >!Hopeful!< https://www.askamanager.org/2020/02/my-boss-tapes-peoples-mouths-shut-during-meetings.html Posted: February 3rd 2020 I recently started my first “real” job in a small office (eight people). We have strategy meetings every morning for about 30-45 minutes. My boss is REALLY intolerant of bad ideas. She keeps a tape dispenser on the table by her chair and whenever someone suggests something that she thinks is dumb, she will peel off a piece of masking tape and pass it to them, at which point they are required to put it over their mouths so they cannot contribute any more “bad” ideas for the rest of the meeting. Needless to say, the first time I saw this, I was shocked! But my coworkers don’t seem too bothered by it. Or maybe they just don’t want to complain, I’m not sure. My boss can be kinda scary. My issue with this is that enforcement of the rule seems arbitrary. It depends entirely on her mood. Some days, no one will “get taped,” but other days, if she is feeling particularly sour most of us, if not everyone, will end up “taped” and the meeting is just her dictating to us! Is this normal? I’m thinking not. But does that make it inherently bad? Is there something I should do? Other than this idiosyncrasy, it is mostly a great job and she is, for the most part, a good boss. Allison's advice has been omitted per rules of this sub, but she says what all of us are thinking. Update posted March 2nd 2020 https://www.askamanager.org/2020/03/update-my-boss-tapes-peoples-mouths-shut-during-meetings.html Hello everyone. I am the person who made the original post regarding my boss’ tendency to cover people’s mouths with tape during meetings. I wanted to first clarify a few things that people discussed in the comment section on here because I did not get a chance to respond directly to comments during the original posting: 1. A lot of people speculated that my boss hires people who are young and without much experience. That would be accurate. In our office we have 5 guys and 3 women and I’d say the average age (not counting my boss) is probably 23 or 24ish. So yeah, it’s a young office. That makes for quite a good office vibe most of the time, I have to say, and actually that is what first attracted me to the job. My boss makes it a point of pride to only hire new college grads with no paid work experience. She claims that she feels it is her duty as a small business owner to give experience and opportunities to young people entering the world of work and I really admired that. And maybe there is some truth in that to an extent, but from all the comments I received on here I have started to realize there are probably other (more insidious) reasons for her only hiring people straight out of college. 2. In response to the insightful comments that suggested I grow a beard, that is impossible. We have a fairly professional, conservative dress code which includes a clean shaven requirement for guys (you can have a mustache but no beard and I imagine that would look pretty dorky so no one does it). I am wondering now if this may be to facilitate the taping thing…? I’m starting to look at everything through a much more cynical lens all of a sudden, I must admit! Anyway, with the background out of the way, now for the actual update! Although many of you probably think so at this point, I’m not a total idiot. When literally hundreds of internet comments are saying “yikes” and telling me to quit, I’m not going to ignore that. I ruminated on it a lot and clearly, this is not normal and more importantly, not acceptable. I see that now. I told my boss last week that I intend to look for other opportunities. Unfortunately, she doesn’t want to let me go yet because she likes to do her hiring in May/June, but that is kind of a long time still. So we came to a compromise and she agreed to let me start looking for a new job after April 1. (Note from Alison: I received this update on February 25.) The good thing is she says even once I start job hunting, I can still stay on as long as I need until I receive an offer of employment, so long as I continue to work diligently. That’s good for me because, you know … student loan repayments. So yeah, just a little while longer and I’ll be on to a new adventure, hopefully. And I can file this away as an amusing anecdote for the future! It’s kind of a shame because I do enjoy some of the people I work with but having thought about it more I can now see the whole thing is kind of demeaning in a few different ways. Note: Allison did reply back to OOP informing them of quitting on their terms and schedule.

My Boss Tapes People's Mouths Shut During Meetings

EXTERNAL

InuGhost

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13wuctw/my_boss_tapes_peoples_mouths_shut_during_meetings/

13x23s7

I am not OOP. OP is u/clitorisjonesy, she posted the original on r/offmychest. Trigger Warning: >!Domestic Violence, Sexual assault!< mood spoilers: >!Hoping things get better for OP!< OP in: https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1358muf/i_cant_explain_to_my_husband_why_i_wont_have_sex/ **I can't explain to my husband why I won't have sex with him anymore** on May, 1st 2023 This is a throwaway. Husband uses Reddit, but mostly for gaming subs. I (28F) and my husband (41M) have been together for four years, two of which we have been married. We have had the usual problems, mostly about finances or silly disagreements, but these are typically solved quickly. We both pride ourselves for being open in our feelings and communication, so our disagreements don't last long. We share a lot of the same interests, but also have our own friends and lives. I feel lucky to have found him. Until recently, I felt like we were soul mates. My husband watches porn, as do I, but our tastes differ. We don't incorporate it into our sex lives by watching it together, and he watches a lot more than me. Sometimes he wants to try things he sees in porn, which he has always talked to me about first, and has always said something like, "Hey, I saw this in a porn," and then explained it. If it is something I think might be fun, I am happy to comply. If it isn't, I refuse, and he lets it go. If we try it and I don't like it, we don't do it anymore. And our sex life has been nice. It isn't always mind blowing sex, but honestly, we're passed the honeymoon phase, and if we both have time for sex once a week, we are doing good. I've never before had a complaint in this part of our lives. I'm fairly sure he masturbates often, but I'm not the type to be upset about that. Two weeks ago, we were having sex, having fun with it, and both enjoying ourselves. I don't want to be too graphic but we were in a position where it is easy to zig instead of zag -- in other words, he accidentally went from vaginal to anal at full thrust. It hurt. A lot. I immediately pulled away. He apologized. It seemed like an honest mistake. That night, we ended up continuing in a different position after a little while, and all seemed forgiven. Things happen. Sex is messy. About a week ago, we were having sex, and he did the same exact thing, but this time, we were in a different position. More importantly, because he was on top with my thighs held in his hands, and I on my back, I couldn't pull away like the first time. I did yelp and then tell him to stop, but it took him a few seconds to hear me, or so I thought, and he ended up thrusting a few times. But I thumped his chest to get his attention. He apologized again. And then, he said something like, "We could have just kept going. You enjoy anal." That's true. I do. If able to prepare both physically and mentally. I do not want a surprise. And I cannot express how much it hurt because I wasn't expecting it. Well, sex was over for that night. I was pissed and I felt and still feel disrespected. After this second time, it didn't seem like an accident. I mean, if he had wanted anal, we could have talked about it if he had warned me beforehand, because like I said, I do enjoy it although not all the time, and I need to prepare/be in the mood. The next day he was sulky and distant, as if he were the wronged party in this situation, which only served to piss me off more. And I just had this sneaking suspicion about the situation. In my eleven years of being sexually active, I have never had a partner accidentally do this before. I was off work that day after, while he went to work. When he left, I got onto our laptop with the full intention of checking his browser history to see what kind of porn had been watching recently. As I said, he watches a lot of porn, and I had this feeling he was watching some degrading or borderline abusive porn, which I am neither into nor do I particularly want my husband to watch for tips on how to act in bed. I didn't realize this whole thing had a name. "Wrong hole" or "surprise anal" were his two most recent searches according to his history for the porn site he uses. And he had watched at least 20 different videos of it. I clicked on one of the videos. I have no idea if it was typical for that particular genre/search term, but the male actor just goes for it and female actress is nearly in tears. I mean, it could be a farce, right? She could be faking the pain, I don't know. But I wasn't when it happened to me. For days I have stewed on this without mentioning it to him, while he goes about his happy life thinking all is well. He got over his pouting, but how do I get over knowing my husband intentionally lived out his porn fantasy on me, by "surprising" me with anal? How do I tell my husband I won't have sex with him because I no longer trust him not to hurt me? **Edit (5/2, about 9:30pm my time): I tried to message the mods to see if I could edit or update without getting deleted or banned from the sub, but haven't heard back. Pls, if you're a mod, let me know and I will delete this update if it isn't allowed.** **I just wanted to let anyone interested know that I am having that conversation with my husband tonight when he gets home in about an hour and a half. My brother is coming tonight in about half an hour. I plan for him to sit on the porch while I tell my husband what I found, how I feel, and how I need space. He needs to leave for a while, if not permanently. The house is mine (and protected by inheritance laws and a pre-nup, so I will not be willing to leave). If he doesn't want to leave, my brother will help me to convince him. I have not decided whether to tell my brother about what happened, because my brother is very protective. And an ex-Marine. I do not want anyone getting hurt, not my husband or myself. I just want time to think without my husband there to wheedle his way back into my good graces. And I know that is what he will try to do, by telling me I am overreacting or being dramatic.** **Thanks for all the comments, stories, and advice. I am glad I posted here. You helped me to put this in perspective I might have found on my own.** https://www.reddit.com/user/clitorisjonesy/comments/13778qe/update_to_my_post/ **Update to my post** on May 3rd 2023 I don't know if anyone will see this. I see that some people have followed me, so this is for you who did, who are likely wondering if I am ok. And thank you for that concern. My post was not deleted by me -- for me, it shows " Post is awaiting moderator approval." I likely shouldn't have tried to update it. I don't know. I should have made up names, but for this, I will just say Husband instead of typing out "my husband" repeatedly. And Brother is my older brother. I spoke to Husband last night. It wasn't a very long conversation. I had printed off a comment made by someone (I don't want to name them in case they don't want that) and a copy of my post, although not all the comments. I had what I wanted to say all prepared in my head. If you didn't see the update I tried to make on my original post, I asked my brother to come to my house. Brother showed up half an hour before Husband came home from work. I told him I needed to get Husband out of the house, and I wanted Brother there waiting on the porch in case Husband refused or turned violent, the latter of which I thought unlikely but I wanted to be safe. My brother is an ex-Marine, and he scares the hell out of my husband, so just his presence would be enough. Of course, Brother wanted to know why I wanted Husband out. I told him I would tell him later, to please wait outside and tell Husband to come to the kitchen to talk. Husband came home to find Brother sitting on the porch; he greeted him like usual, although he did ask Brother if something was wrong since it was late and normally Brother is early to bed, early to rise. Brother just told him to talk to me. Husband came in, came straight to kitchen where Brother said I would be. I asked him to sit. I won't say I had what I wanted to tell him memorized, but I did have a rough outline. And I followed it. A lot of it came from the helpful comment left on my post, and some of it came from other advice or topics brought up in comments or DMs. But I said it all in my own words. When Husband interrupted, which he did often, I just continued on my preset path so I could get it all out. Mostly, what Husband kept repeating was, "Why are you doing this?", "You're being dramatic," "You're blowing this out of proportion," that my post, which I showed him, was "Taking things out of context," "This is ridiculous," and the one that made me glad I confronted him, that "You're just making this up." The last comment really got to me. He was there when it happened both times. It's not like we were drunk or half-asleep or stoned or something. I do not have memory problems; neither does he. Luckily, his saying I was making it all up was the last thing he said right before I told him I wanted him to leave the house for a while, because when he said that I got very angry. Before that point I tried to remain very calm. I can't really remember what else I said, but I remember standing up and telling him to get out of my house, I'm not going to listen to this horseshit, and I will not be told I am lying when we both know what happened. Husband was red faced and irate at this point. He said something self-righteous about how this was as much his home as mine. And then Brother came charging in, so I guess I was either screaming when I told Husband to leave or Brother had become worried. When Brother came into the kitchen, he just stood between me and my husband and said, "Don't worry. I'll stay here with her tonight. She'll be safe. Go pack your bags." I'm not sure if Brother meant that as a mild threat, but Husband took it as one. And so my husband went upstairs and was gone for maybe 15 minutes. He didn't pack much. I assume because he expects to be back in the house soon. He didn't say another word or even come back into the kitchen, he just left. And then Brother asked me what all this was about, so I stupidly told him because I needed to talk to someone in that moment. Now I'm worried that if Husband shows up, Brother will do something stupid. But Brother stayed here last night and all today because we were both off work today, and he will be here tonight. It's been nice having him here, at least. I'm not used to being in the house alone at night anymore. Tomorrow Brother has to work, as do I, but he said something about a rotation of ex-Marine friends spending nights in the garage or the driveway until I get the locks changed/security system passcode changed. I think that's overkill but even if I say no, he will just have them sitting in their cars, parked out on the street in front of the house. I have not spoken to Husband today. I texted him shortly after he left to remind him I needed time alone to think, so I blocked him for now, and I said if there was any emergency he could call Brother. He has not tried to contact me. I know he went to work tonight because a mutual friend of ours (from his workplace) texted me to ask what was wrong with Husband, that he was in a "mood." And I have spent all day thinking, and still am not sure what I want to do or how long this will take before I decide. It hasn't been easy to find a therapist at such short notice, but I'm looking. Sorry, I've rambled enough. I had thanked everyone in my post in the edit, but since that isn't showing up, let me thank everyone here for your kind words, advice, comments, and DMs. They truly helped me. And I'm glad I made that post because it gave me the confidence to question the situation, when I was ready to let it all go instead of confronting it. So thank you. **OOP comments on husband "forgetting" the assault happend: ** Right. And that's why it was my breaking point for the conversation. All I really wanted (and expected) was for him to come out with some logic to explain what happened. If he had just said, "I got carried away, I'm sorry," then at least I would feel like I had married a human being. But telling me I was making it up basically showed me either he didn't want to tell me the reason because it was a horrible reason, or he thought he could bluff his way out of this. My brother hasn't left my house except to work, which is where he is at now. But I have Roscoe, my Brother's adorable but protective German shepherd here in the house with me, and one of his old Marine buddies (not a stranger, someone who I've known for twelve years through my brother) hanging out in the garage, watching old westerns on his tablet. I feel safe right now. https://www.reddit.com/r/u_clitorisjonesy/comments/13o258b/update_to_my_post_2/ **Update to my post #2** in May 21st 2023 As I am still getting comments, replies, DMS, and (for some reason) followers, I thought I would take a moment to provide an update. I probably shouldn't go into too many details. I do not yet have a lawyer but I imagine a lawyer would tell me to be careful about what I post concerning this. If I delete this, I guess you'll know why. So, a few days ago, Husband came over uninvited while I was carrying groceries in through the garage's door into the house, the garage door was open as I had just drove inside it. Brother had gone shopping with me but ran inside and then outside to the backyard with his dog for potty time. Husband came in through the garage, then the door to the house, and into the kitchen where I was sitting grocery bags down. He was in a rage, saying things like, "How dare you lock me out of my house!" and "I'm tired of this stupid bullshit." The moment I saw him, I began to thread my way around the kitchen table towards the patio doors. Husband grabbed my arm, kept arguing. I truly have no idea what he was saying at that point. I kept telling him, "It doesn't matter. This is over. This is over. We're over," or something like that. I don't even remember him hitting me. One moment I was trying to pull my arm free, then next I was falling against one of the kitchen chairs, but I don't even remember him lifting his fist. But I remember the pain of my ankle twisting. I remember that very well. The pain from the fist to the face came afterwards. I guess Brother heard the commotion of me falling, but Brother's dog, Roscoe, got there before him. Roscoe is a sweet dog. He knows Husband, has played with Husband. We've even watched Roscoe when Brother went on vacation. Roscoe was not a sweet dog in that moment. If Roscoe had been hunkered down and growling at me, snapping and leaping forward with all intent to harm, I would have been terrified. Husband just tried to shout at Roscoe to sit down. Roscoe wasn't having it. When Husband came forward -- maybe to drag the dog away or to get a hold of me, I don't know -- Roscoe attacked. I remember hearing my brother shouting at Roscoe to get down a moment later, and luckily he's a very well trained dog and listened, because when he bit Husband's leg, he got him close to the inside of his upper thigh and was not letting go. Didn't occur to me at the time, but later Brother said Roscoe could have ripped Husband's femoral artery by biting there. Husband was on the floor, screaming obscenities and threats about Roscoe and how he was going to kill him. Brother calmly told me to walk outside for a moment, to take Roscoe with me. So we went. I hobbled outside and Roscoe unwillingly came with me. He stood at the patio door though. I couldn't get him to come out onto the patio where I was. I think he wanted to watch to make sure Husband wasn't a threat to Brother. I heard Brother talking calmly, which I later learnt was him calling 911. I sat in a patio chair for ... I don't know. Maybe 10 or 15 minutes. It felt like forever until I heard the sirens. I probably shouldn't be typing all this out for the internet, but it somehow feels good to do so. Like lancing a wound and getting the suppuration out. Long story short of it, Husband was arrested for assault, he went to the ER and then the infirmary of the county jail. Roscoe had to be taken away by animal control, but has since been released back to Brother once Brother proved he had his rabies shots and was up to date on all vaccinations. I'm sure the fact that Roscoe was protecting me will work in his favor. As stupid as it sounds, I'm more worried about Roscoe facing some consequences for helping me than I am worried about what happened to me. My brother worked with dogs in the Marines; Roscoe is the love of his life. If he loses Roscoe over this I will never forgive myself. So, Husband has criminal charges and now has a protective order against him. Brother has refrained from saying to me, "I told you so," but I can see it in his face. However, he's reassured me at every point that he is glad Roscoe did as he did, and that if something happens where he loses Roscoe, it is not my fault. Roscoe got a T-bone steak for being a Good Boy. And I am looking into divorce lawyers at this very moment, with my ankle up and iced, and Roscoe lying beside me snoring. This is a horrible update. I'm sorry. My life is in shambles right now. But thank you again to everyone for your kind words, advice, stories, and interest. It does make me feel better to know that someone out there is wishing me the best. **OOP comments on her husband's legal situation:** Well, Husband is now out of jail and the charges were dropped (not by me, by the Commonwealth Attorney.) I wish I could say he would face some consequences for all this. At this point, I just want him gone, though. Maybe getting bitten by Roscoe will deter him from trying to confront me again, at least. Roscoe is currently staying with me 24/7. I just lost a dog four months ago, one me and Husband adopted together, who died of age related issues. I'm not sure I'm ready for another one. Right now, Roscoe and Brother being here is best, and neither seems intent upon leaving anytime soon, thankfully! **And again:** I wish I had any control over it. I only just learnt this morning from the prosecutor that there will be no criminal charges. I was also chastised by the Commonwealth Attorney while telling me that she is not pursuing felony assault charges, and has advised the County Attorney not to pursue misdemeanor assault charges. The protection order still stands for now, though, as it is an emergency protection order, but expires after two weeks. I can't "nail him to the wall," it seems. I can't even hold him accountable at all. Yes, I love children but never really wanted any, nor did he. I am very glad we both agreed on that, at least, and no children are involved. As of now, Roscoe is staying with me 24/7. I took my vacation time early (won't be needing it for that trip to the PNW Husband and I were planning) and luckily my supervisors were very understanding. My brother also took a week's vacation to be here, as well, and has already offered to sublet his apartment until his lease is up so he can stay here for as long as I need. I have to be honest, I'm afraid of guns. My brother owns them, of course, being a Marine he is comfortable with them, so he can bring his, but he did buy me a canister of pepper spray. I've been keeping it on a lanyard around my neck or beside where I'm sitting. Thank you. The support from strangers on Reddit has been a boon I didn't expect to receive when I first made my post. ------

I can't explain to my husband why I won't have sex with him anymore

ONGOING

Girl_In_RedCostume

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13x23s7/i_cant_explain_to_my_husband_why_i_wont_have_sex/

13x7kcr

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/carthrowawaycar1 **in** r/AusFinance mood spoilers: >!postitive outcome for OP's sister!< *Note: ACCC stands for Australian Competition and Consumer Commission. It is an independent authority that ensures business & individuals comply with Australian trade and consumer protection laws.* \--------------------------------------- [**Sister bought car she can't afford (not even eligible for a loan), what are her options?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusFinance/comments/d3zpwa/sister_bought_car_she_cant_afford_not_even/) \- 14 September 2019 My sister (19) made a mistake because she was pressured and didn't understand how loans work (not financially savvy). She needed a new car to get to work as her old car got totalled (accident was not her fault). She asked the dealer for cheaper cars around 5k or so. But apparently he just kept showing her expensive cars. And he's got into her ear saying she can just get a loan, she can pay $50 a week, it's better in the long run, blah blah blah. She has a casual job, and hardly has 2 shifts a week. Over half of her weekly pay goes to paying rent (she lives with mum and bro). She doesn't make enough to even get taxed. She already has some smaller debts to pay (loans from other people). She is trying to save up to continue going to TAFE. She has so many other important things to pay for... So in the end, she's given in her totalled car plus a deposit of around 2.5k to the dealer, for a car that they sold to her for around $20,000. They say now she legally "owns" the car and it's in her name. But somehow they sold her the car despite her NOT having approval for a loan. She hasn't applied for any loans, and I highly doubt she would be approved for any loan from a bank. They told her to go to her bank, because they're "more lenient" than them (the dealership). But she's come back and said she's not eligible for a loan, and now they're saying she can easily get a loan with them... But that doesn't even matter - it's not about whether she can get a loan or not. She can't afford a loan to begin with! It's the worst decision for her right now! The dealer said she can trade down to a cheaper car, but she would still have to get a loan, because the cheapest cars they have are around 10k. She has no savings, only the deposit they have. I'm trying to think about what the best course of action is for her. She might be getting a payout (another story, domestic violence payout), which would be enough to pay off a car for around 10k without a loan. However, given her current circumstances and debts, it's still not a good idea for her to spend a large portion of the payout on a car (plus, at this point it is not guaranteed she will get it, it is still in process). My thoughts on what she could do: * Call ACCC and see if there's any options there (recommended by dad) * Try and see if she can sell the car somewhere else and pay the dealership outright without a loan. Start back from square 1 of buying a car (but it's very possible this would be at a loss, so not preferable). * Trade down to a cheaper car, but then she still has to take around 10k loan.. use her payout money (which is not guaranteed.. so could be stuck in a high interest loan from the dealership). * Of course, she can try to improve her financial situation (get another job etc.) but I don't really see this happening; she hardly got the job she has now, and her life in general is rather unstable, she has a lot going on. And even so, just having the loan really isn't ideal... I don't know what else she can do... I just don't understand why they let her put down a deposit and, from what they've said, apparently she legally owns the car now, when she wasn't even approved for any loan yet. Plus they knew her financial situation (she gave them her employment info and so on), it's clear she would struggle to pay a loan. I mean I know they don't really care about that as long as they make money but it's just so unethical. Does anyone know what she could do? Is she just gonna have to trade down, get a smaller loan, hope for the payout and if not, just pay it off? Is there no better option? edit - I replied to some comments here from my other account by accident. "throwawaycosimdumb" is me ;P (name speaks for itself) \--------------------------------------- **Comment 1:** >This sounds really weird and you probably need to do a bit more digging into the legality of whatever agreement your sister signed (she must have signed something if they gave her a car). If I were you I'd get involved and read over whatever contract/agreement is in place and go from there. All sounds very sketchy. If there's no contracts and she's the owner of the car then she doesn't need any finance because it's her car, but there must have been some paperwork because you said she paid a deposit and traded in her old car. > >Need a lot more info mate but it all sounds very dodgy. No car dealership "gives" away 20k cars for 2.5k. **Response from OOP:** >Thanks for your input. I've asked her to get copies of all the documents (they didn't give her any copies...). They're taking their time in sending them over.. when they do I'll have a look at what she has actually signed at this point. **Comment 2:** >Clearly there's going to be paperwork that you're going to need to look at. They're probably going to want to find a way to keep the car and take the deposit. It's up to you to make sure that's not what happens. It's up to you to do it fast. Don't give the car back without the deposit. Don't drive the car around as if you own it. Go to ACCC and all the other regulators ASAP. Don't trade down to a cheaper car unless that car is actually a desirable outcome. **Response from OOP:** >Thanks, we are trying to get them to send over the documentation now, as they haven't given any copies of anything yet. **Comment 3:** >Were any change of ownership forms signed? Does she have a bill from the relevant authority for transfer fees? > >You should ask the dealer for their terms and conditions, maybe she paid a non-refundable deposit. I know here in WA there is some sort of form that you sign prior to purchase at some dealers to show intent to purchase, I'm not sure how binding they are, and if they're nationwide. > >See if she has a copy of any paperwork that she signed, if not, request it from the dealer. If they don't provide any decent documents, they more than likely don't have a leg to stand on if you report the incident. > >I'd most certainly be contacting the ACCC. > >Car salespeople are absolute leaches. > >On top of all this, has she actually taken delivery of the car, or is it still at the dealership? **Responses from OOP:** >She does physically have the car and has used it to drive to work. &#x200B; >Thanks for your advice. She does not remember what sort of documents she signed but she's asked them to send over all the documents now. Waiting on them to send them.. from there we will decide what to do next I suppose. \--------------------------------------- [**\[UPDATE\] Sister bought car she can't afford (not even eligible for a loan), what are her options?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/AusFinance/comments/dgpww7/update_sister_bought_car_she_cant_afford_not_even/) \- 12 October 2019 Figured I should post an update since some people were asking what eventuated. As a quick summary for what happened: * Sister \[19\] went to a car dealer who managed to convince her to buy a 20k car (not financially-savvy, didn't know about interest on loans, and dealer convinced her she could pay it off for $50 a week or so). She had no other savings and only a casual job from which she doesn't even earn enough to pay tax, plus most of it goes to rent (so even $50 a week probably wasn't doable). * She traded in her old car (totalled) and put down deposit of around 2.5k. She signed a few things. She was given the car (this is all on the same day - has not even applied for a loan). * I found out about this about a week later and basically told her to return it and get her stuff back. * Dealer was a pain and lied about many things. Some examples: * Claimed they had already sold her car she traded in so they couldn't give it back (we later found this to be false). * Claimed the new car was legally under her name and she 'owned' it, and if she didn't pay for it or give it back (without getting back deposit and old car) they would call the cops and claim it as "stolen". (???) Also found to be false, she never signed anything from what I saw regarding any transfer of registration. * She asked to be given all documentation that she agreed to. They kept saying they emailed it but they never did. After several days of calling over and over she just went over there to get it physically. They gave her a page which she had signed - "Offer to buy x car" (and right to 1-day cooling period was waived) - without the terms, conditions etc. which she signed to. She asked for the rest of the documentation and they insisted this was EVERYTHING. (clearly wasn't). She tried to go to a bank to get some proof that she couldn't afford a loan, but she didn't even meet the criteria to APPLY for a loan. The dealership kept telling her she HAD to buy the car, or trade down. Or she could get a loan with them for around 10k for a different cheaper car. Eventually they realised it wasn't gonna happen. They called and said: "We'll give you back your old car (??? thought it was sold? and deposit) if you give back the new car. We went there and they said they'd already sent the deposit, it would arrive in a few days. I didn't believe it for a moment. I didn't want her to give the car back until she got the deposit in her bank. The man talking to her manipulated her, trying to establish trust with her by speaking with us in our background language and trying to build rapport which was clearly fake. We asked him for some written statement or proof she would get it back but he refused, apparently feeling insulted we didn't "trust" him (lol). I wish we never gave back the car until we got the deposit but regrettably we did; they were so manipulative, aggressive and pushy. I was probably the worst person to go with her, being shy and non-confrontational. She had also gotten into a big argument with one of the managers about it as he said she may not get the full deposit due to admin fees getting taken out of it, and he threatened again to call the cops for the "stolen" car after she started shouting at him. This left me more stressed and anxious.. So you guessed it. She returned the new car, got back her old car. SHe didn't receieve the deposit after a few days. She called them up and they said, "No, you signed some terms and conditions, you won't get it back." So looks like they lied about having already sent it. At this point she basically gave up. Personally, I was so angry at the ordeal that I wasn't going to let it stop there. Yes, my sister made a stupid mistake from ignorance. I also contributed to the mistake of not stopping her from giving back the car without receiving the deposit first. I felt we had no power, especially with him threatening to call the cops, and I still had no idea what she had signed/agreed to since they still have never given any of the documentation except for the "Offer to buy". Regardless, I felt everything that happened was so unethical and I didn't believe that they could actually keep the deposit. I believed they were withholding the documentation regarding this, again to lie about it. So I decided we should post a review about this on productreviews, hopefully to draw some attention from a representative. I realised there was an option to mediate before posting the review. So I highlighted all the lies and unethical things that occurred, and noted we were going to lodge a complaint to ACCC (we actually did call them for advice, but it hadn't been very helpful). A representative got back to us, and sent back the deposit. Just like that. I still don't know what my sister had signed to other than "Offer to buy". I think the car should not have been given to her, and deposit not accepted, without a pre-approval for a loan. The way everything was done was not right, and I hate that they took advantage of her naivety. I think she's definitely learned a lesson from this. edit: Also I just wanna thank everyone who posted advice on the original post. Honestly I have next to no knowledge on dealerships/cars and the legalities behind it all. I'm appreciative that most comments were constructive and helpful. My sister and I did not really have anyone to go to about this. Also why I was the one to accompany her. My sister and dad don't talk/have no relationship, so the help he could give was limited. I am almost a parent to my sister in that I give her guidance and help in life, since my parents cannot and aren't in good situations themselves, but I'm 22 myself so my knowledge and experience is minimal. \--------------------------------------- **Comment 1:** >Please name and shame this place. At least to us. **Response from OOP:** >OzCar (Lansvale) **Comment 2:** >You're a great sibling, nice one!! Glad to hear it worked out. Hopefully your sister learned a lot in the process too? **Response from OOP:** >Thanks, and yes I'm sure she has learned plenty now and will be a little more careful. :) \--------------------------------------- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Sister bought car she can't afford (not even eligible for a loan), what are her options?

CONCLUDED

lillypillys

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13x7kcr/sister_bought_car_she_cant_afford_not_even/

13x8a0n

**I AM NOT OOP. OOP IS u/orangecatbuddy. Originally posted in r/teachers. DO NOT COMMENT ON ORIGINAL POSTS** Random thing to block off trigger warning and what not: the European Starling population is on the decline in North America, with a 52 percent decrease between 1966 and 2015 as reported by the North American Breeding Bird Survey. Because they are known for disrupting the nests of other species there is concern about their effect on native bird populations. In a 2003 study, only sapsuckers were shown to be in decline due to starlings while over 25 other native species were reported to be unaffected. Trigger Warning: >!harassment, assault, urination!< Mood spoiler: >!frustrating, the system is broken!< Original post, 20 May 2023: 12 Grades and Kindergarten, only to be walked out on the last day in handcuffs. Link (sorry it's not a pretty text link, the reddit mobile app has gone weird with the recent updates): https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/13mg9ql/12_grades_and_kindergarten_only_to_be_walked_out/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Because that is exactly what happened today. A senior decided, on his very last day of school, to literally piss on a teacher. The seniors went way overboard with their pranks. They broke into the school after the overnight custodians left at 2:00am. They pulled desks and chairs out into the halls, stacked them into piles so that no one could get thru the halls. There were chairs piled in the lunchroom, and just about everyplace they shouldn't be. The kicker is when the senior decided to piss on a older teacher. He was arrested and as far as I know, will be charged with felonious assault. It's my understanding they know who was involved with the rest of the vandalism. Criminal charges will be filed. This is what they get when admin is more worried about a state report card and less about taking care of simple housekeeping matters. Edit Update: *Note: this was an update added to the original post* Wow, never expected this to go beyond the teachers reddit. The text messages have been busy this morning, but this is what I know so far. The teacher who was assaulted has evidently filed criminal charges. Unsure of what, there is a rumor that an additional charge was added because he prevented her from getting away. Again, that's part of the rumors. It's not clear how the kids got into the building, I do know that there are several "sub" door keys missing. The term stacked, when it comes to the chairs is misleading. It was more like they were tossed into a pile. It was not a neat orderly stack. There will be no real updates until Monday morning. I'm certain this will be the subject of our morning talk. For those of you who think schools are open books, boy are you mistaken. Kids are pretty much allowed run rampant because this is a litigious world we live in. Administrators are more concerned with keeping school boards happy and less about discipline when it's necessary. The same admin will do everything in their power to keep this quiet. They have an "ignorance is bliss" policy when it comes to things like this. **Update posted 25 May 2023** Link: https://www.reddit.com/r/Teachers/comments/13rnb05/update_on_teacher_who_was_peed_on_vandals/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 Update on teacher who was peed on & vandals I posted a few days ago about a young man who decided to pee on a teacher on his last day of school. Well, here's a update. Turns out he turned 18 in march. He was held in the county jail over the weekend without bail. He has been charged with 2 felony's and 2 misdemeanors. There are a couple of other pending charges, but they need to go to a grand jury. He was arraigned Monday morning and was given an OR bond. He was also ordered to have no contact with the teacher and to stay at least 500' from her, her home and place of work. This is in effect until this is resolved. The teacher who was peed on is obviously livid and distressed over the matter. The young man apparently walked into the area she has her desk, and peed on the back of her feet. The way her desk is set up, there's only one way in, and out of the area. Apparently this kid has been threatening to do this since after Christmas break. This came from a situation when he asked for the third time to use the bathroom and was told no. He told her he would "piss on her heals the last day of school" and she dismissed it as his running off at the mouth. As for the vandals and their "senior prank". As of yesterday, the number I heard was over $7 k in damages. Mostly furniture that was busted. Looking at some of the security video, they hurled chairs down the hallways. One of the entry doors to the rear of the school had the glass busted out. They used a sub teacher key to enter the building. We knew that a few were missing, and they figured that subs were walking off with them. They need to account for them better. I asked why the alarm didn't trip. Was told that because there is only a three hour gap between the over night custodians and the day custodians, they don't arm the alarm. It only goes on over the weekend and long breaks. The kids who were involved were all given 10 day suspensions. That means none of them will walk this weekend, and three will have to come back when summer school picks up to take a couple of exams. No one will be given their diploma's or transcripts released, until the bill for the damage is paid in full. That prompted an Marine recruiter to visit yesterday. One of the three is scheduled to ship out to Paris Island in June, and can't without a diploma. Of course, there are parents screaming about it as well. The way I and others see it, they put their heads together and pulled their prank, they can put their heads together and figure out how to pay it off. The senior pranks here have been mostly annoying at the worst. This went over the line. The pisser had nothing to do with the prank, and is just a little asshole. I'm hoping the juniors are paying attention, and don't try to outdo this group. I'm also hoping the school board doesn't cave in and let the kids off the hook. They need to allow more out of school suspensions, expulsions and even detentions to resume. In the meantime, I'm looking to go elsewhere, and have a couple of prospects. *Marked as ongoing, as the $7K hasn't been repaid yet and let's face it: Admin may very well back down*

Teacher gets urinated on, on last day of school, by high school senior

ONGOING

KimchiAndMayo

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13xb9ys

I am NOT OP. Original post from /r/AmItheAsshole by u/DanWantsDeath Trigger Warnings ->!emotional manipulation/lying!< Mood Spoiler ->!positive!< **[Original post](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11f3p2c/aita_for_wearing_a_wedding_dress_at_a_wedding/) 3/1/23** So my friend 20f and I 19m have been friends for a few years and she recently got engaged. A week ago I got a dm from her for a small costume party she was hosting as a celebration for her getting engaged. I asked if there was a theme and she said there wasn’t. I’m a cosplayer so I had a lot of choices. I didn’t want to rock up in an anime cosplay, so I thought it would be funny to go to an engagement party as the Corpse Bride. I arrived at her house yesterday and everything seemed normal. A few people complemented my costume and I was having a lot of fun. After ten minutes my friend’s fiancé walked out in a black tuxedo and announced this was actually their wedding. Apparently my friend saw a video of someone doing this and wanted to do the same. He asked us all to go to the back yard for the ceremony to begin. I went straight to him. I asked him if I should quickly go home and change my outfit and that I would get back before it started. He told me it was fine since I didn’t know this was the wedding. I trusted him and followed everyone outside. They got married and everything seemed good. The reception was just in their house again so everyone just walked back inside and picked up where they left off. I tried talking to my friend and celebrating with her but she kept making excuses to not talk to me. I assumed it was just because she was tried from the big day and wanted some alone time. I didn’t bother her after that and the party soon ended. I got home and half an hour passed when my phone started getting notifications. I checked and it was my friend texting me. She was cussing me out and telling me how I ruined her wedding. I was really confused and asked what I did. That only made her more angry. She told me it was basic knowledge not to wear a wedding dress to a wedding. I reminded her I had no idea it was a wedding and that I asked her now husband if I should change and he said it was fine. She didn’t respond, but I got a text from her husband. He asked why I would tell her he said it was fine. I told him he said it was fine. Then he said how I should have changed anyways and it’s my fault that the two are now fighting over this. I’ve tried texting her that I wad sorry and if I had known I wouldn’t have done it. I woke up today and saw her and her husband have blocked me on everything. So, AITA for not changing out of the wedding dress when I found out it was actually a wedding? Edit: I am a guy. I cosplayed the character Emily from The Corpse Bride and had blue paint all over. I’m also Australian and I’ve never heard a costume party meaning fancy. Everyone was dressed up in funny costumes **[1st update](https://old.reddit.com/user/DanWantsDeath/comments/11l42nb/update_aita_for_wearing_a_wedding_dress_to_a/) 3/7/23** I honestly didn’t think this would get as much attention as it did and I’ve tried reading through all the comments but damn there were a lot. I do appreciate everyone’s feedback. Also I’m not sharing photos sorry. Just for privacy reasons. I’m sorry. Now the update- Since they blocked me on everything I didn’t try to reach out since it would be a waste of effort, but I didn’t block them back. If they wanted to talk I was fine with it. Two days ago I was unblocked by my friend. She asked if we could call and talk about what happened and I agreed. She apologised for blowing up at me like she did, but also told me she was still upset. I was only made aware because of the comments and now her, that wearing wedding attire to anything wedding related is common sense. All I knew was the no white on the wedding day. Honestly after people informed me, I felt awful and downright stupid. So I apologised back for not running it through her like I should have since I didn’t know. I know lots of people were telling me to cut her off, but I’ve known her since I was 14 so I’m glad we can stay friends. Her husband on the other hand… He had told her that he came up to me and asked me to change. And apparently I told him it didn’t matter because I was already there (or something along those lines. She was crying a lot while telling me). After she blew up at me and I told her the real story, she got pissed at her husband. The husband suggested both of them block me so the fight would stop. She agreed to it but was still upset by it all. Eventually she started asking people who were at the wedding to see what happened. Three people saw me walk up to him and heard me ask. This is where she learnt her husband lied to her. Again, a huge fight between the two. Turns out he’s hated me since I met them 5 years ago. They had already been dating for a year before hand. I became good friends with her but not him. He felt as though I was trying to take his girlfriend. I don’t know what I did to make him feel this way. (She’s beautiful but I’d never do that shit to anyone) I don’t know why he’d wait 5 years but he decided the day of his wedding was the best time to ‘get rid of me’. I’m not really sure what’s going to happen to them in the future. She’s staying at another friends house until her and her husband are able to talk about it. I doubt I’ll update anymore like “Update! They’re getting divorced!” Because that feels insensitive. Again, thanks to everyone for all the advice and point of views. It helped me so much. Have a good day or night. Edit: My friend doing a lot better and plans to talk to her husband soon. I’ve also shown her my post since I felt like she had a right to know. While some comments made her quite upset, but she knows she overreacted. (My friend’s emotions are always intense but she tries her best to keep them under control). She’s seen people talk about the red flags in her husband but isn’t sure what to do. She told me she’ll decide based on what he does when they talk about it. I’ll support her no matter what she decides. Even if he rubs me the wrong way and I have my own opinion on what she would do, it’s up to her. She’s an amazing person and I just want her to be happy. **[2nd update](https://old.reddit.com/user/DanWantsDeath/comments/13ai7f9/final_update_i_promise/) 5/1/23** My friend has told me I can post this if I wanted to and I thought why not. My friend did try to work things out with her Husband, but she started getting fed up of how he treated her. They had gone to a restaurant for a date, had an argument and he told her she had to walk home at 8pm. It was a half an hour walk. Instead of going back to hers, she called up a friend. It was her final straw. She decided to apply for annulment and they’ve broken up. Her ex tried to convince her to think about it more. He’s once again blaming me and her friends for putting crazy ideas in her brain. Safe to say we’ve all blocked him. She has been upset over it all, but she’s also excited to experience single life. She’s been dating him since they were 14 so she’s never had certain experiences. She told us she wasn’t even sure if she ever loved him like she thought she did. It’s all been quite a lot. I feel like we’ve become better friends because of all of this. She’s been able to go clubbing with us and has gone home with some people (The legal age for drinking here is 18). I feel like she’s actually getting to live out her young adult life without feeling tied down. We have been looking out for her since she doesn’t know certain things and making sure she isn’t reckless. If she gets really drunk, we make sure we don’t take our eyes off of her. She looks way more alive figuring out who she really is and I couldn’t be more proud of her. She’s also been planning another party as a celebration to her new future. She’s asked me to help make her into Emily from the corpse bride so we can both go as it for this party. This time I’ll definitely be getting loads of photos. I won’t post them though for privacy reasons again. I’ll probably just go back to being a reddit lurker. Thank you to everyone who has given me advice and helped me out when I first posted about all of this.

AITA for wearing a wedding dress to a wedding?

NEW UPDATE

wormhole222

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xb9ys/aita_for_wearing_a_wedding_dress_to_a_wedding/

13xivta

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/Void_Warden in r/Pathfinder_RPG** Pathfinder 1st Edition is a Pen and Paper game published by Paizo. The adventures of this post are not by Paizo. Reposted with permission from OOP. trigger warnings: >!none!< mood spoilers: >!positive!< --- &nbsp; [**How about I translate some Pathfinder 1e adventures for those of us still playing them?**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pathfinder_RPG/comments/13a0z5j/how_about_i_translate_some_pathfinder_1e/) - 6th May 2023 So I haven't seen anything pop up online so here goes nothing... I was recently going through my dusty collection of French RPG magazines (which usually provide custom scenarios for various rule systems). And lo and behold, at least 8 of them have pathfinder 1e scenarios. Would you guys and gals appreciate it if I translated them into english (for free of course) and made them available here? EDIT/UPDATE: I see a lot of you would be interested. But I also noticed that there might be some copyright issues (after consulting with some more knowledgeable friends). So, I've contacted the publishing house directly to ask for their authorization (or what they're willing to compromise on). Fingers crossed for a positive answer. I'll keep everyone updated. &nbsp; [**Update from me, the "let's translate french 1e scenarios" dude**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pathfinder_RPG/comments/13cx32i/update_from_me_the_lets_translate_french_1e/) - 9th May 2023 Original Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Pathfinder_RPG/comments/13a0z5j/how_about_i_translate_some_pathfinder_1e/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3 So I actually got an answer from the magazine publisher to my surprise. And a positive one at that (somewhat)! Here's the gist of it: Any magazine that was published more than two years before the current date is considered fair game because they relinquish their rights to the scenarios published within. Of course, that means the actual author and illustrator behind the scenario gets the full rights back. So, the next step of my quest is to publish said authors and illustrators to ask for permission. The kind soul who mailed me told me that in most cases, the authors / illustrators shouldn't have an issue with this since I don't intend to make any money off of it. I'll keep y'all updated. The quest continues! &nbsp; [**First two scenarios by the "Let's Translate Some French Stuff Dude" for Pathfinder first edition**](https://www.reddit.com/r/Pathfinder_RPG/comments/13js16i/first_two_scenarios_by_the_lets_translate_some/) - 17th May 2023 Hey all! Here's the link to google drive file where I'll upload the scenarios as I get to them: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1T38p1zxuES6AJxFWpMKitRstkvqEgz1r?usp=sharing These two first adventures were the very first ones published for pathfinder by the magazine. They are thus intended for beginner game masters and players. The first one is a bit original in that it uses children adventurers (while the second sees them as 15-18-year-old teenagers). I took the liberty of adding the stat blocks of the involved creatures and characters instead of having y'all go leaf through your books and computers for the correct reference. When the magazine "homebrewed" some rules (either because the pathfinder ruling system wasn't finished or because they said "screw it"), I added what I call translator notes to warn the reader. When it comes to translating names. If they're french names of people and places which (to my knowledge) never appeared in pathfinder lore, I used my own translation. If they're places that have already been referenced by official lore, I (of course) use the official lore. I tried to make the document look as "pathfinderish" as possible. A couple things on how I'll keep on going for this little project: - I'll only upload those for which I got a clear authorization from the original writer. - When some scenarios (such as these two) are part of the same narrative, I'll put them in a single document - You may notice there are no illustrations whatsoever. That is simply because tracking down the contacts of the authors was already difficult, so I won't contact the illustrators who made some nice art and just not put their art in the document. I did put the source of the documents (you can find the original pdfs of the magazines on black bood editions website) - The only "art" I kept was the maps... because I redrew them myself on my tablet. I hope y'all enjoy! &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP asks if they should translate PF1 adventures from a french magazine and wonders about the copyright

CONCLUDED

EfficientTransition

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xivta/oop_asks_if_they_should_translate_pf1_adventures/

13xl9cn

**I AM NOT OOP. Original post by** u/chattykathy87 **in r/ relationships.** **Trigger warning:** >!Infidelity, past domestic violence and child abandonment!< **Mood spoilers:** >!OOP does the right thing for herself!< *Note: This BoRU was from two posts that were removed but later preserved by* u/SomaliMN *in the April 2022 Edition of “Looking for a Post?” I edited only to fix typos and dividing up paragraphs for ease of reading.* \--------------------------------------- **Besties divorce causing issues in my marriage** **(was removed,** [**reposted here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tu0dwz/comment/i681lmk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**)** **April 22, 2022:** My (40F) best friend (38F) is going through a divorce with her husband (44M). We’ll call them Alice and Ken. My husband (37M) and I have been together for 10 years and have always been close with Ken and Alice. Alice and I have been friends since long before we meet either of our partners. My husband and Ken have become good friends over the years and they hang out just the 2 of them semi-frequently. About a month ago, Ken told Alice he wanted a divorce. She told me for the last 6 months they’ve been having issues. According to her, the problems stem from Kens issues with her job. 3 years ago she accepted a promotion at her company. The promotion required her to travel 3 to 4 months out of the year and she works A LOT even when she isn’t on assignment. She’s always been insanely ambitious and successful. I think it’s important to note that Ken works full time as a tradesmen. He works out of his shop (metal work) on their property and stays pretty busy. She makes more than he does, but I wouldn’t call her the “breadwinner”. Alice has a daughter (12F) from a previous relationship. Bio dad isn’t in the picture and Ken has been her “dad” since she was 4. According to her Ken has been asking her to either take a position that requires less hours and responsibility or find a new job that doesn’t require any travel. She’s been telling him she will but has been putting it off thinking he’d drop it eventually. This has been going on for a while (she didn’t tell me how long exactly). It all came to a head when she extended a business trip (while on the trip) and forgot about a family vacation they had planned for when she got back. She didn’t consult him about extending her business trip before agreeing to it. She apologized and promised to make it up to him (and their daughter). She said she didn’t have a choice when it came to extending the business trip…..whether that’s true or not I have no idea. Ken was upset but didn’t blow up. When she got home though, his stuff was packed and he’d moved most of his shop and tools into storage. He hadn’t told her any of this and was acting like everything was fine till this point. She called me and was crushed. She kept saying “I didn’t think he’d do it” over and over. What was at first sadness on her end quickly became resentment/anger when Ken made it clear there was no getting back together. Ken and my husband were in contact during this whole ordeal. Husband knew they were having issues but didn’t know the extent of it till after Ken left Alice. Ken told my husband that Alice had been checked out of the relationship ever since she took the new position. They don’t do anything as a family anymore. Alice doesn’t make time for them to talk when she travels. I guess he asked her for some nudes and “sexy dirty talk” a few times and she rejected him but had time to go out with coworkers. They don’t have sex anymore. He’d voiced these issues numerous times and she blew him off according to Ken. Everything became much worse after a particular incident that is hard to even type without cringing. Ken and Alice had been separated for about 3 weeks. Their daughter was bouncing back and forth between kens apartment and their old home that Alice was staying in. It was Ken’s weekend with their daughter. He brings her back Sunday evenings. Well….Alice went on a bender and literally forgot what day it was she was so fucked up (this isn’t like her). She thought it was Saturday. It was Sunday. Ken shows up with their daughter and walks in on a shitshow. Alice had 2 younger men there. They were drunk and in the hot tub. They weren’t in the act, but it was clear what was going on. She started freaking out. Calling Ken names. Screaming that it wasn’t Sunday yet. Ken kept their daughter in his truck so she didn’t see the worst of it. They left. The next day she had no idea what had happened. She had texted Ken horrible things while she was fucked up. I only saw them because Ken sent my husband screenshots. I won’t say word for word what they said…..but it was really personal shit. Since this, Ken is going nuclear. He wants the house. He wants custody (he adopted their daughter long ago). He wants child support…..he’s “taking her to the cleaners” as they say. I know this isn’t Alice. She’s going through shit. She needs friends right now and I’m literally all she has. Her own daughter would rather stay with Ken. I’m not going to cut my best friend out over this. The issue? My husband wants me to cut her out. He’s said some really terrible things about her. He’s called her a shitty mother (I know she loves her daughter). He’s called her self-absorbed fucking b\*\*\*h. He says he doesn’t want me getting sucked into her drama and behavior. When I insist she’ll turn it around and she just needs help right now he shuts it down saying this is who she really is and he doesn’t know why I want to associate with “people like her.” I know a lot of this is just shit that Ken has told him and he’s defending his buddy. I’m not excusing her behavior but I think it’s unreasonable for him to want me to cut my best friend out. She asked me to go out with her a few times and I went once without telling my husband because I knew what he’d say….i just wanted to talk to her in person. After I told him we meet up he went ballistic and repeated that If I don’t cut her out or we’d have issues too. Any advice navigating this would be appreciated. TLDR: Best friend going through a hard time. Husband left her. Husband wants me to end the friendship because of her behavior. Edit: I made this post on lunch break. On mobile now.. The responses are overwhelming.....and eye opening. I've seen recurring sentiment that I haven't said anything positive about Alice. I re read my post and realized you're correct. So ill just say this....She wasn't always this way and her behavior (drinking excessively, shrugging off family, work obsessed) is relatively new. She used to be a good mother. We used to have fun family outings. Her and Ken were happy. When she took the promotion, all that changed gradually until this shitshow happened. Maybe I'm blinded to her behavior now because I know once upon a time she wasn't this person. I plan on talking to her tonight and having an "intervention". AND I WILL LET MY HUSBAND KNOW. Thank you for your responses....the good and the bad. \--------------------------------------- **Top comment** **(1.4k) by** u/Frodo_noooo\*\*:\*\* *This woman is your bestie, and you didn't say one good thing about her, which to me kind of shows that either you know deep down she's not a good person, or you don't really know her as well as you think you do. You state a few times that she doesn't give you full details as well, which is odd, since you're besties.* *She even claimed "i didn't think he'd do it". What do you think that means? She knew he had told her that they'd get divorced if she didn't change. She literally tried to deflect until he forgot about it. It's very obvious she cares about her career more than her family.* *Honestly, the vacation would have been the end for me too. What a horrible feeling for both the husband and daughter to know she'd rather work than spend time with her family.* *Your husband is right to be concerned. You tried defending her in your post, but again, there's nothing redeeming that you said.* *If you truly insist on helping your friend, then you need to make sure your husband feels comfortable and safe. Ken has been saying things to your husband, yes, but they're probably not that far from the truth, even if he's embellishing. Again, your own bestie doesn't tell you everything, so it's very possible she's been banging younger dudes in the hottub more often than you'd think.* *My advice, if you want to keep your friend and not upset your family, is to get a little distance until it blows over. Don't introduce negativity in your relationship just because you want to help someone through theirs. Your family comes first* \--------------------------------------- **(UPDATE) Besties divorce causing issues in my marriage (was removed,** [**reposted here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/tu0dwz/comment/i681u12/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)**)** **April 25, 2022 (3 Days Later)** It wouldn’t let me post an update without mentioning the ages/relationships again so the people involved are: Me (40F) My husband (37M) married 10 years. My best friend Alice (38F) and her husband Ken (44M). Married roughly 8 years. This is not a happy update. Alice and I made plans to get together on Saturday morning. I was going to get us coffee and help her with a few things around her house before she left for a business trip Monday. My intention was to tell her that we (her family & mine) are worried about her and we all want to see her happy but her behavior was worrying us. I was hoping we’d have a heart to heart. I was hoping I’d see my friend again. I was hoping she’d agree to see a therapist. I was hoping she’d take a step in the right direction. None of that happened. She was combative from the second I showed up at her place. Almost like she knew what my intentions before I even said anything. When I told her I was worried about her she said she was fine and has just been blowing off steam and having some fun. She said she works hard and can do whatever she wants now that Ken left her. She talked about how ungrateful Ken was over the years for all her hard work and everything she’s paid for and done for him….it made me cringe but I bit my tongue. For the record, Ken is a hardworking guy who didn’t need her money. He was the breadwinner when they first got together. She makes quite a bit more then him now but in no way was he dependent on her. Some of you pointed out it was likely that Alice was cheating on Ken. I asked her and she got extremely defensive. She gave me the whole “I can’t believe you’d even ask me that” attitude. I reminded her about the hot tub incident and the optics of it all. She blew it off and swore she’d never cheated. I asked who the guys were. Turns out they were interns at her company. When I asked how old they were she simply said “they were legal”. The way she said it made me wonder if that’s how dirty old men talk about younger women. It was gross. Whether or not she was cheating before the break up….I don’t know. I don’t really know anything about this woman anymore. Here’s where things took an unexpected turn. As we chatted she was packing for her business trip. I asked her where she was going this time. She said Dallas. I didn’t think anything of it…she’s gone to Dallas for business dozens of times. What did strike me as odd was what she was packing. Long pants, sweat shirts, a beanie, jackets, hiking boots….it was all fall attire and not what she’d be wearing in Dallas this time of year. I don’t think I even saw her pack work clothes. But the weirdest thing? A random Seattle Mariners jersey. She doesn’t follow baseball. She never has. I thought about saying something but kept my questions to myself. It was all just….odd. I felt like she was preoccupied with packing and her daughter coming over soon so I decided to head out. We hugged. I told her I loved her and want her to be happy. I told her I hope she considers seeing a therapist when she gets back. She said “I’ll think about it.” Things did seem to end on a positive tone. When I got home hubby and I were talking about how things went and I told him about the clothes she was packing and the random Seattle Mariners jersey. He thought it was odd too. But, other than it just being odd, we didn’t think anything of it at the time. But then hubby went full internet detective…..and guess who lives in Seattle and has a facebook profile picture of himself at a Mariners game? Her daughter’s biological father. My heart sank. When I checked the Mariners schedule they do have home games next week. I called her immediately and asked her if she was really going to Dallas. She responded “yeah why?” I asked if she was sure she wasn’t going to see (exes name) in Seattle. She got quiet. There was probably a full minute of silence. I told her she better not lie to me and that I’d find out. She came clean. She said she had gotten in contact with him right after Ken left her and they’d been talking more and more. She said he was a different man now and has turned his life around…..blah blah blah. I didn’t talk about her baby daddy in the last post because it wasn’t relevant. But just know this man is a piece of shit human being. He cheated on her while she was pregnant and kicked her out when she confronted him. He’d slap her around. Call her terrible names. This fucking guy said he wanted nothing to do with their child also. I flew to Seattle, picked her up and brought her home. She lived with me for a bit. She met Ken shortly after having her daughter and within a year of dating they moved in together. I told her that of all the shit she’s pulled recently this was by far the worst thing she could do. I told her I was disappointed in her. I couldn’t believe she would ever speak to that man after what he did to her and how he treated her. She kept saying it was years ago and she’s changed and……HE WANTS TO MEET HIS DAUGHTER ONE DAY. I started screaming and yelling into the phone so loud I think I blew out my voice. I told her I was done with her. I told her if she gets on that plane to Seattle to not bother contacting me ever again. I hung up on her. She called back and texted once but I ignored it. I didn’t have the energy for her anymore. I just sat on the couch crying all night while my husband held me. He didn’t rub it in. He didn’t give me attitude. He just let me cry and told me he was sorry. Alice texted me this morning. She said she’s sorry for lying to me but she’s a big girl now and can look after herself. I asked her if she’s still going to Seattle….she said yes. I blocked her. It’s over. I told Ken everything. He was upset but not surprised. He said he knew how close Alice and I were and he was sorry I’d lost my friend. I told him I was sorry he’d lost his wife. You guys were right. I feel like a fucking idiot. Maybe it's a little selfish of me....but i feel betrayed. TLDR: My friend is ruining her life and going back to the man who abandoned her while she was pregnant. I've been defending her and acting as her advocate hoping she'd get better. Not anymore. \--------------------------------------- **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

Besties divorce causing issues in my marriage

CONCLUDED

Aiming_Dave

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xl9cn/besties_divorce_causing_issues_in_my_marriage/

13xnnat

**Need help looking for an update?** Comment below! &#x200B; * View last month's [Looking for a Post - May 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1355zc9/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_may_2023_edition/) thread. If you posted in previous threads and didn't get an answer, you can repost your question here. * We launched a discord. Please feel free to join. [https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy](https://discord.gg/Hx2hym2juy) * **Do NOT harass OOPs. Do NOT comment on original posts.** You will be banned if you do so. * Always read the rules of subs you are participating in. **Do NOT harass OOPs.** * If an update found here has not be posted to BoRU yet and you feel it belongs as its own post, please feel free to submit it. * If you found an update that is not eligible for posting yet, leave it on the pinned comment in this thread. * If you found an update that is eligible but you don't want to post it yourself, leave it on the pinned comment on this thread. * Last month's Update All-Stars🌟 were: * u/Direct-Caterpillar77 * u/ihardlyknewit * u/Nimelennar * u/HeleneSedai * u/colorfulsprinkles71 * u/Current-Read * u/coletters &#x200B; # DO NOT HARASS OOPs. Do not comment on posts linked in this thread or on posts linked in BoRUs. Doing so will result in a permanent ban from this sub and possibly the other sub. Leave your comments here in BoRU and again, do not harass OOPs. Please see the [brigading policy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/z6fk6u/meta_brigading_please_read_to_avoid_being_banned/) &#x200B; &#x200B; **Tools to search for a post** View our [How to search for a post wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/search) &#x200B; **Popular Posts** A list of the [most frequently requested posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/faq_lfp) such as the PS5 saga, Peegate, and the Thanksgiving Turkey. The one about the woman whose FIL and husband thought she would die in childbirth has no update. If you're looking for the one where OOP's husband gets violently sick when OOP's sister announces her pregnancy, you can [read it here](https://www.rareddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ze6pf2/my_husband_started_acting_strangely_upon_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button). &#x200B; **Looking for something to read?** * [r/BestofBoru](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofBoru/) \- a companion sub of curated, concluded updates * [r/bestofpositiveupdates](https://www.reddit.com/r/bestofpositiveupdates/) * [r/OhNoConsequences](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/) by BoRU mod [u/mermaidpaint](https://www.reddit.com/u/mermaidpaint/) * r/BestofRedditorSagas for posts with a large number of parts * [Best Updates of 2021](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/rzxz1z/announcing_borus_1st_annual_best_of_winners/) * [Recommended Subs & Collections](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/recommended_reading)\* \*Collections only work on desktop new reddit &#x200B; **Don't harass OOPs. Don't comment on original posts. Thank you.**

Looking for a Post? Ask Here! - June 2023 Edition

czechtheboxes

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xnnat/looking_for_a_post_ask_here_june_2023_edition/

13xnqgt

Fun Fact To Cover Spoilers: The first Final Fantasy was released in December of 1987 and has since had 15 main game instalments (though there has been many more side games released). There has also been various adaptations across various pieces of media such as mangas, animes, and films. CW: >!Gambling!< Mood Warning: >!Positive Ending !< *This is a repost, it was posted on here more than a year ago by* u/asakurosol *. OOP's account is now deleted.* *This was originally posted in* r/FFBraveExvius *so it was written with the expectation that everyone would understand certain terms. Here is a brief explanation!* Whale- Someone who spends a lot of money on mobile games Banner/Event-Where, for a limited time, you can get special characters by using the in game currency (In this case "Lapis") to pull for the character (like a slot machine). \- [Whale of a Tale](https://www.reddit.com/r/FFBraveExvius/comments/7jmezv/a_whale_of_a_tale/) (December 13th, 2017) Caution - Wall of text incoming.....don't say I didn't warn you.... I started playing FFBE shortly after launch in July of 2016. It was a fresh take on an old classic, my favorite series of all time, Final Fantasy. When I was 11, in 1988, living in New Jersey, I went to the Nintendo CES in New York City. Nintendo had demo booths for all the upcoming games, and the original Final Fantasy was one of them. It was the coolest game I had ever seen. I got it when it was released and it remained my favorite series of games for years. FFII and FFIII on SNES, I bought a Playstation so I could get FFVII, I got a PS3, but all I wanted to play was FFXII (I personally like Vaan). Along came married life, kids, jobs, responsibilities, and I could no longer spend time on a console. I didn't have time to sit and play and grid out levels and complete the extra quests like defecting Ruby Weapon. Then FFBE was released. A short format game that I could play for 5 or 10 minutes and put it away. It didn't require a console or a TV, just a few minutes to play a couple of dungeon runs or a quick exploration, then I could put it away for later. It was perfect. Expedition into the Abyss. The first banner I spent money on. I had been playing the game for 6 weeks or so and I had not found the [r/FFBreveExvius](https://www.reddit.com/r/FFBreveExvius/) subreddit or the Exvius Wiki, I went into the exploration blind and got wiped out. I leveled my team, I maxed my stats and I just could not win. I got to Ansel finally and beat him, but I was so low on energy. I used lapis refills just to limp past him. Then I got to the exit with the 3 bosses that kicked my but with their 10,000V attack. I was frustrated beyond belief, I had spent all my resources to pass this exploration, and I couldn't leave it like this. I broke my F2P resolve and put down $20. That should be enough to get me out of this dungeon and replace some of the lapis I sepnt so I could at least do the dailies again. I was adamant that I would not spend again. The first Mog King event I recall was Festival of the Autum Moon, baking Mog Cakes. I spent hours, day after day, grinding the Coast for recipe ingredients. I kept my 2 ovens going, then I increased my capacity to 4 and I stayed true to my resolve, I did not spend any more money. I made it through, I got the Stellar Shield, I got the Lunar Pestle and the Rabbit's Foot. I acomplished my goals without macros, without more resources. My family though kept asking me, what am I tapping on my phone all the time? Why am I always looking at my screen? I put the phone away and tried to limit myself, only a little while in the morning before I got everyone up for school, I would play for a little while at lunchtime when I wasn't around anyone. I would play on the toilet since I had nothing better to do while I poop. I would play after putting the kids to sleep. I was not taking anything from anyone. I was just playing a game. I made it to November. The Crystal Tower. The release of Luneth and Refia. The best DPS and the best Healer available at the time. I had saved my lapis, I could do a 10+1 pull, I had maybe 20 or so tickets saved. I used all my resources and was trolled by a rainbow Edge. I was enraged, insenced, insistent that I get Luneth. I put in my card number into my digital wallet and upped myself $99 of Lapis. Then I pulled and pulled and pulled, and I got nothing. So I put in another $99 and pulled and pulled and I got Luneth! I could advance and defeat all new content and share the best DPS possible to all my friends. It was only $200. I can spare that. I haven't bought a video game in 6 years. I deserve it, I earned it. I didn't pull for the Brave Frontier cross over event. I saved my resources. I was depressed by all the Elza's I saw my friends sharing, but I was not lucky enough to pull her. I conceded that it was ok, and I could get her again in the future. I still beat the Trial of the Creator and got Maxwell. I had to work hard, but I got the Power of Creation TMR. That made my Luneth a king again. Then came the Big Bridge. Gilgamesh. The BEST TMR you could get. I still have a 10+1 pull left after my Luneth. I had saved the tickets from the Mog King. I pulled for Greg and failed again. It was only $200 to get Luneth. How bad would that be for the best accessory in the game? I can make my Chizuru or my Cecil so strong. I put in my money again, $99....no Greg, $99....no Greg, $99....no Greg.... I took a break for a little bit. My family had plans for the day. I was angry now. How could I have spent $300 and not gotten what I wanted. When nobody was looking, around everyone, I did it again. $99....no Greg, $99...no Greg, $99...no Greg, $99..... Finally. I had Gilgamesh. I had maxed out all of my unit inventory. I had to spend time to fuse units, I got my first Excalibur that day as well as some other great TMRs. But I finally had the Genji Golve and I could now make Chizuru strong enough to share with others. She could DPS at 350 attack and more! I could beat all the content with ease using her and Luneth. Yeah, I spent $700, but I would stop now. I had enough. I didn't want to be caught spending money I shouldn't on a video game. It was enough. Lightning strikes, and I didn't spend anything. I was in control. I didn't need anything new. I was still in the game and doing great. So many events passed and I was still killing everything in sight with my team. I cleared all of the events and new story content. It was fun, I was not an addict, I spent time with my family, I didn't take their time away. I was on top. Noctis, Prince of all Trades came along. I got greedy. I pulled again...another $300. I got off easy there. I was again in the lead. I was on top. I had the best attacker, best support, best all around at everything. I didn't need anything else. The Mana Mystery Event came. I was excited! Randi, the Secret of Mana! The Secret of Mana was, hands down, one of the best games to ever come out for the SNES. Open world, exciting characters, fantastic story and fighting. The Nostalgia was incredible for this event. I had to have Randy. I had paid down most of the bill from getting Gilgamesh. I could afford it to have a piece of my childhood back, no matter what the cost. It cost me about $400. I was back to square 1 with paying my bill back. I had spent nearly $1700 on this game now, I couldn't spend any more. It was getting out of control. I unlinked the credit card and got back to my senses. I could keep playing my game. I put my maxed out Randi as my friend unit. I was determined to get the most out of him, no matter what. It was my hard earned money, I should not spend it frivilously. I made it almost 4 months. It was my birthday. The Brave Frontier banner was back. The Scyth weilding Queen Elza was back. It was my birthday and I wanted Elza. This was the first double 5\* banner I ever tried to pull on. This was the first banner I pulled on after the guaranteed 5\* base for Rainbows was announced. It was my birthday and I had to have Elza. I have to get what I want on my birthday. I charged $1500 that day to get her. I was sick of my actions. I de-linked my card again. I now had a balance of nearly $4000, including other non FFBE related purchases. I had to find a way to stop. I transferred the balance to a new, zero interest card. My family was going on vacation and I needed to be clear to help with expenses. I had some cash saved, I was paying down my debt slowly, I had a plan, I was still in control. While on vacation, the Veritas Banner was announced. The most anticipated unit since Orlandeau. I had an Orlandeau from tickets, it would be awesome to get a chaining partner for Orlandeau. Veritas of the Dark is the coolest, with the black armor, Dark Damage heals him, and Dark Retribution attack. Something in me snapped, and I was back to I had to have him. It was another double Rainbow banner, maybe I would be lucky this time. $1000, no Veritas of the Dark. I had 4 Veritas of the Flame. I was angry. How could I have spent so much and not gotten the unit I wanted! Why would Final Fantasy, Gumi, Square Enix, not give it to me? How could I spend so much and not get what I want! Another $1000. I got 2 more Veritas of the Flame, another Orlandeau, a second Freviya, Olive, Emperor, but no Dark Veritas! How! Why! Now I am stubborn. I am not putting this much money out there to not get what I want. $99...no Dark Veritas, $99...no Dark Veritas, $99...a second Emperor, I almost threw my phone against the wall. $99....Finally, Veritas of the Dark. $2500, 9 Veritas of the Flame, half a dozen other 5\* base, and I finally got the Veritas of the Dark. Wait....WTF did I just do?!?! Did I just really spend $2500 to get a little animated piece of code? What is my wife going to think? What will my kids say? I tell them I don't have much money to spare, I dutifully split my paycheck 3 ways, household expenses, savings and my spending money. I can do what I want with my spending money. I just won't get anything for myself for a year or so, pay this back to my card a couple hundred at a time. Fuck it. I have what I want. I put in another $1000 just to keep me going with energy refils and I can play whenever and however I want. Neir came, I pulled with the lapis I had left and got A2 and 2B. Luck is on my side now. Onion Knight, I got on 3 10+1 pulls. I am on top of the world. Gumi must have had some mercy on my account. I have all the units I need, sure there are some I want, but I can get by without Rem and Wilhelm. But who is this awesome new healer! Ayaka, dual white magic, reraise, the things I was missing for Agaion, the Robot Trial! With her, I could be at the top again. I could beat all the trials, all the new story content. It would all be a breeze. I had to get her. I moved all my debt to the balance transfer card. I have a clear card to work with. I can get it and make it go away and I can continue on as normal, just pay down the card and not spend on myself. Next came Nyx. The Hero of Kingsgalive. I know most people thought it was aweful, but I even like Spirits Within, so hate all you want...I wanted to have Nyx. Another $400. I skipped halloween, but decided I had to have Loren for her TMR. It was a good as the Genji Golve, even better. It would make my team unstoppable for the 10 man trials. Another $500. Honestly I don't know what I spent here, I lost count. The Tower of Zot! We can have Rubicant! Barbariccia would be cool, but Rubicant is one of my favorite enimies of all time. $99...no Rubicant, $99...no Rubicant. WTF!?! This is a 4\* base! What is happening!? F&k it, AGAIN. $500, just to be sure. Get Rubicant, keep pulling for Barbariccia, don't need her, I already have 2 Trance Terra's, but why the F\*%k not. Its good for the Raid Bonus. All right! Rainbow Rate is up! EX rewards are 1.5X! Cloud is coming in December! This is the best time to put some $$ in so I am guananteed to get Cloud. Cloud is Awesome! Cloud is iconic! Cloud is the heart of Final Fantasy! I have my zero interest card at $11K, but I am paying it. I have a way of making it look like I am paying off an old debt to cover if my wife asks where the money went. I went all in. $3000 in lapis. That will last me a good long time, then I can pay off my debt and play and just let it all go away. On December 7th, 2017, my wife asked if she could use my credit card to buy food and send it to a family member celebrating a huge accomplishment. Offhand, she asked if she could see the balance. She saw something in my response trying to dismiss it and wouldn't let it go. I asked her to go upstairs so we could talk in private. I confessed to having a balance of $5600 on my card due to Final Fantasy. A couple days later, I told her the rest of the story. I am currently $15,800 in debt. My wife no longer trusts me. My kids, who ask me why I am playing Final Fantasy all the time, will never understand how I selfishly spent money I should have been using for their activities. Their birthdays, their festivals, their clothes, their school events, their weekends, their movies. I have never spent more than $1000 on my wife at one time. I spent $16,000 on digital garbage in about a year. If she decides that she will not divorce me, I owe her more that I could ever repay. I am not playing anymore. I will not get Cloud. I will leave 500K lapis in an account that will stay idle. The "friends" I have will drop me as my days since last played increases. I will not get to beat Marlboro. I will not see how Chapter 2 plays out. I will not have any 7\* units. FFBE is over. I became a gambling addict over a game where there is no return, no reward, for spending my money. I Flushed $16,000 down the toilet over a game. TL;DR - Don't whale irresponsibly, the consequences WILL outweigh the investment. TL;DR #2 - Some people are on this planet to be an example to others, don't be that Guy. Edit - Thank you all for your support and ideas. I have a lot of feedback on how I can improve the situation, I will update in some time after getting a few actions completed first. I really appreciate each and every comment, I have read them all, and I plan to continue to read them to reinforce my resolve to keep my promise to my wife and to my family to remain open and honest. Please be patient and OP will update. [Whale of a Tale-1 year later](https://www.reddit.com/r/FFBraveExvius/comments/a422nu/whale_of_a_tale_1_year_later/) (December 7th, 2018) Well....Its been a year. A year of repentance, a year of ups and downs and everything in between. One year today marks the day my wife uncovered my FFBE gambling habit. If anyone is unfamiliar with the story, sort by Top (all time). In the past year I have made a lot of progress. I have substantially paid down my debts, made amends with my family and worked hard to move forward. I cannot say I have been a perfect husband or father, but I would like to think I have improved in many areas. My life is changed beyond measure because of my inability to control myself playing this game. The biggest blessing I have in my life is my wife. She looks out for me, for our family, and everyone she knows so that people are happy, do not go overboard and keep on a right path. "Too much of anything is never a good thing" she tells me often. It can apply to food, exercise, work and gaming. I have changed my habits and work hard to include her and my children in everything, instead of trying to escape from them. To people who wondered, I am 41, a hardware development engineer building servers and father of 3. I help get kids up and ready for school, help them with their homework and make sure bedtime and brushing teeth are enforced. At my worst, I was pulling for Veritas of the Dark on a trip to the Aquarium with the kids and cousins, spending \~$2500 that day and ignoring my family as they joyfully wandered around looking at fish, octopus and seals. Playing raids on nature hikes with the Cub Scouts. Now, I would like to believe I am more attentive, more present, in their lives and their mother's life. My worst guilt is that I still want to play a game that nearly ruined my life. I just wanted to say to everyone, thank you for your support. Thank you for your kind words, and even many of you who said outright how stupid I was. Thank you for the chance to be a part of Final Fantasy. May all your summons break into Rainbows. [Whale of a Tale - Epilogue](https://www.reddit.com/r/FFBraveExvius/comments/k8joos/whale_of_a_tale_epilogue/) (December 7th, 2020) 3 years ago, I posted a story of how I fell. I fell in the eyes of my family, the ones I swore to protect, opening them up to a mountain of risk and debt. Today, I have paid off my debt fully and I hope that I can leave this chapter of my life, my lies, my hidden obsession, my half truths, fully in the past. Over the past 3 years I have seen a lot of changes. Since the pandemic began, it has been hard to watch as my children spend more and more time playing Roblox and less time playing outdoors, less time studying, physically active and spending time as a family. I realized that I set the precedent of this behavior. I do try to be a more engaged father and husband, it is a daily challenge to keep everyone happy, healthy and well fed. As to the state of the game, I have followed what is going on at a distance. When I stopped playing, at the release of OG Cloud, a top tier DD was in the 1500 ATK range. When I started, Chizuru was a beast with a 300 ATK. Now, I see NV Remake Cloud at 5000+ ATK. Power creep is real and basically every dollar that I spent ($16000 and then some) has little to no value at this point in the META. It has been a long period of reflection. There have been fights where all I can do is hang my head in shame as I accept the guilt of spending selfishly on a game when I could have redone the floors in my home and replaced the kitchen counters, the two of these desires of my wife have been postponed due to my lack of self control. These are my priorities now, doing things for my home, saving for my children's future, and I hope doing more to show my wife that she is the most important connection in my life. She forgave me, she supported my recovery and she kept me on the right path. She deserves all the credit for keeping our family together. Do I miss playing? I do. I said it in the 1 year update and I will say it again. I hate that I still have a desire to play a game that nearly ruined my life. Do I regret my decision? I regret hiding what I was doing from my family and I strive to be more open and honest about what I want and what I am doing. I don't want to ramble, so I will end here. I did it. I paid my debts. I hope that no one else falls into the same trap and spends beyond their means, or hides what they are doing from their loved ones. Good luck everyone! \-nothing *Reminder that I am not the OOP. Also brigading is not allowed on this sub.*

OP Spends 1000s of Dollars On A Free Mobile Game

REPOST

boru_posts

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xnqgt/op_spends_1000s_of_dollars_on_a_free_mobile_game/

13xqi0c

An open letter on the state of affairs regarding the API pricing and third party apps and how that will impact moderators and communities.

META

amireallyreal

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xqi0c/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/

13xtd4q

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRAJeffTheCreep in r/relationship_advice and r/trueoffmychest ** trigger warnings: >!Manipulation, financial abuse, ableism!< mood spoilers: >!sad but hopeful!< --- &nbsp; [**My (25 M) girlfriends (26 F) close friend (27 M) asked us to open our relationship so he could pursue her. Now I am not comfortable with her still being around him**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13h8uu7/my_25_m_girlfriends_26_f_close_friend_27_m_asked/) - May 14th, 2023 All names are fake I've been with my Gf "Emily" for 4 years now. Emily has a close friend "Jeff" who I have never liked. The guy has always come off as skeevy, whiney, and creepy to me. I've heard things about him from ex-friends, and even current ones that make him just come off as pathetic and creepy. I could go on about it, but I'll cut to the chase though. The real reason I do not like Jeff is that he has always been interested in Emily. They met in middle school and he's had a crush on her since then. He's tried and failed multiple times over the years to get her to like him. Ever since I came into her life, and we started dating, he's always given me the feeling that he's orbiting waiting for us to break up to try again. He's backed off romanticly though and hasn't tried anything for the 4 years we've been together. Jeff has been a sore topic for me and Emily. Even though I don't like him, she and her friends do. I've made it clear to her that I don't like him, but I've never interfered with her friendship with him because I've always trusted her when she tells me she feels nothing romanticly for him. This all changed last week. Jeefs own romantic life can only be described as unusual. From what I know, mostly one-night stands and third-wheel scenarios. He's openly "poly" and I've heard far too much about it from him. Not the lifestyle for me, but whatever suits you. What got to me though, was how he would talk about it to the people in monogamous relationships in his friend group. Pitching it as if he was trying to sell them on it for other reasons. Last week, Emily and I tagged along with her friends for an outing. We ended up at a dive late at night for drinks and Jeff tagged along with the two of us. He was incredibly offputting to me the entire night, much more than usual. Acting all buddy-buddy with me to an uncomfortable degree. As we sat and chatted, he brought up his most recent relationship from a few months back. A poly relationship where he was third-wheeling another couple. It was, very awkward. Much more so when out of nowhere he recommended we try something like that ourselves. The short of it is he asked us to open our relationship and become a "triad" with him. He knows I'm straight, so what he really meant was he wants to fuck Emily and for me to be ok with it. Emily declined, and I wanted to tear into the creep; however, Emily made me go to her car so she could pay for our drinks and leave knowing I was about to make a scene. Suffice it to say, I am not comfortable with her continuing to associate with him. I've made it clear that what he did was completely disrespectful of our relationship and that I don't trust him not to do something more sinister at this point. Emily, however, disagrees. She's saying this is "Just how Jeff operates" which makes me even more uncomfortable with the situation. He's not neurotypical, and her whole friend group has used that as an excuse for so long, I'm sick of hearing it. We have been arguing non-stop about this now. She doesn't think this is enough of a reason to cut him off and I cannot understand why. Her friend group has essentially decided to stay out of it as well. I did share my thoughts with someone I know who is an ex-friend of Jeff's from high school. I also learned that Jeff has tried to break up Emily and her boyfriends before, and he thinks this is another attempt. She was planning on going out Friday with friends to a movie, which included Jeff. We ended up having another massive argument in which I told her to not come back if she left. She's been staying at her parent's house since. Right now, I feel like I'm living in fucking bizzaro land. Every single weird thing about her and her friends now sticks out like porcupine quills. It's like I'm the only one who sees a problem with what Jeff did, and that my opinion does not matter. Emily refuses to tell me what about Jeff is so important in endearing he's worth this. It's like to her this is just normal or something. How do I even proceed at this point? It feels like I'm just being walked over. How can I convey how uncomfortable I am at this, or is it even worth it at this point? TL:DR My girlfriend Emily has a friend Jeff who has had a crush on her since middle school. He asked us to open the relationship so he can "date" the both of us despite me and him both being straight men. I've not tried to put any restrictions on who Emily can be friends with but now I feel completely uncomfortable with her continuing to associate with him. She, and her friends, disagree and have moved on like nothing happened. &nbsp; [**My ex-girlfriend has been leading a neurodivergent man on for over a decade to scam money out of him, even while we were together.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/13lfrny/my_exgirlfriend_has_been_leading_a_neurodivergent/) - May 19th, 2023 I wasted the last 4 years of my life with a girl we'll call Emily. I thought she was a good and honest person, boy was I wrong. Emily had a close friend named Jeff. I never understood it. Jeff is a creepy and pathetic man who has orbited her since middle school. He's neurodivergent, at least that's what their friend group has used as an excuse for his actions. He's always had a crush on Emily. According to ex-friends, he's tried his hardest to get her to like him since they met. Emily does not like Jeff any more than a friend. Even then, the way she talks about him to me makes me feel she's completely disgusted by him physically. Along with her "honesty," it made me never question their friendship, even if Jeff was obviously orbiting waiting for us to break up. A few weeks ago Jeff asked us to try out polyamoury so he could have sex with Emily. I was furious. I wanted to put him in his place, but Emily stopped me. She seemed to have no problem with him asking, even though she turned him down. Her whole friend group acted like this was just a normal thing to ask. That me upset and mad that he would dare disrespect our relationship like that was wrong. It was a "me" problem. There are things that should have clued me into the fact that her friend group was a circus. I just ignored it, however. After the polyamory incident, I couldn't though. The things that ex-friends told me about Jeff and Emily made me ask questions and start digging. I ended up contacting one of Emily's ex and learned something very interesting. In high school, Jeff was giving Emily hundreds of dollars he was stealing from his parents. I and Emily had been arguing constantly after Jeff asked the question. She had been staying with her parents for a time while things cooled off. Once she showed back up at our place this week I decided to confront her and asked if Jeff was giving her money. She denied it at first, but I told her if she does not tell me the truth I will forward many of the texts she sent me commenting about Jeff's body and face to Jeff himself. Jeff has been giving money to Emily since they met. For the entire 4 years we were together he was sending her sometimes hundreds of dollars each month. Her texts with him are flirty in nature. While not outright saying she's interested in him, she's heavily implied it. Acting like it's just "not the right time" for her to be with him. She has reaffirmed to me that she's not interested in him, in fact, she's implied she actually hates his guts. I asked if her friends are also taking money from Jeff, and she said she did not know. I packed my shit up yesterday and am staying with my brother till I find a new place. I blocked Emily. I sent Jeff a text simply showing him how Emily talked about him to me. I'm 99% sure Jeff is stealing from his parents still as he lives with them. I found his parent's numbers and texted them letting them know what's happing. Moving on from 4 wasted years is going to be tough..... &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

A "Creepy" friend of OOP's girlfriend asks OOP to open their relationship so he can sleep with OOP's girlfriend. No one but OOP seems to see a problem with this.

CONCLUDED

Wolfmanscurse

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13xtd4q/a_creepy_friend_of_oops_girlfriend_asks_oop_to/

13y2f5l

**I am NOT the Original Poster. That is** u/masculinerm. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!misogyny; parental death!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!sad but hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13mhazb/aita_for_calling_my_roommates_family_a_bunch_of/)**: May 19, 2023** RM = roommate in this post Throwaway because RM knows about my main. I (26F) am an Assistant Loco Pilot. A train driver in layman's terms. If you haven't already guessed, it's an extremely male dominated position, with women not being recruited for the job until around 20 years ago. It wasn't my dream job. It was my father's job that I was offered by the railways after his accident in the line of duty and I had to take over for my family as the breadwinner. On to the point. I live in a city away from home so I rent a flat with a younger woman who is studying. She studies for late hours so she doesn't have a problem with my crazy schedules as I have a ton of night duties that don't follow any shift system. I do pay more rent because shes a student and I sort of inconvenience her with my schedule. However, recently after her family visited her and went back, she started being cold towards me. When I confronted her about it, she said her mother didn't like the way I behave and that I'm practically a man. The way I 'behave' is wear a shirt and trousers pair (that's the uniform for it, in case it wasn't clear) to work and work on small electric projects during leisure time. That's something my father and I used to do when I was younger and it's a memory I hold of him. According to my RM's mom, having such a job, dressing up like a man, working on 'man stuff' her words, not mine, practically makes me a man and that my RM should be vary of me, and the next thing I might start doing is drinking until late and having rowdy alcohol parties with my work buddies at the flat we share. Even if it isn't my dream job, I take it seriously because I have two younger siblings, my mum and my grandparents to support. It's not obvious but the job gives a lot of physical and mental stress. I said if that's the problem for her, maybe RM should be moving out of the flat to make her misogynistic family happy. The only reason we got the flat to rent is because I'm a government employee and I pay more share of the rent in compensation for the inconveniences. My RM then called me an AH and other profanities because she can't find a place so soon as she's a student and it's unfair of me to ask her to move out because of her 'old fashioned' family. TL;DR Roommate's family called me too masculine and told her to be vary of me, so I asked her to move out. EDIT for INFO since I saw a couple questions: I work in the Indian Railways. The Indian Railways is a central government organisation. It has a scheme for the employees to offer their spouses a pension or offer their eldest child a job when the employee dies before their retirement or gets unfit to work. In case of the eldest child taking the job, if the child is an adult, they are given training immediately while being paid a stipend. If the child isn't an adult, the spouse is given a pension until the child gets old enough to take on the job. ***Relevant Comments:*** *For those confused about how OOP took over her dad's job:* "It's not hereditary but there's a thing the department of railways does. If the worker gets unfit for working and/or passes away while in duty, the family is given an option. We can either take the widow's pension scheme or the eldest child can get the job. Since the widow's pension scheme doesn't offer enough money to support the whole family (two younger siblings who are still in school and sick grandparents who need intensive care), I decided to take the job. I had to drop my studies and take the training with stipend for the job." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13swhak/update_aita_for_calling_my_roommates_family_a/)**: May 26, 2023 (1 week later)** I've read the comments on my post, and while most were supportive, thank you all for that, I've seen some suggest my RM possibly having problems within her family. I have to admit, I haven't given a thought in that direction. I'm privileged enough to come from a family that doesn't believe in gender norms, so my mind didn't go in that direction. Also some of you suggested RM's father could have been abusive towards her mother or her. Considering all that, I decided to have a talk with her. Thankfully, her father isn't an alcoholic or abusive, but it became very apparent to me that her parents, especially her mother, is extremely controlling. If anyone doesn't know, breaking out of a mother's control, especially as a daughter, is very difficult. When I sat her down and talked with her, she apologized for the profanities and behaving the way she did. As it happens, her mother all but warned her to not get close to me, because of which she stopped interacting with me completely. I told her I understand, and that I was there for her. I told her that I would have understood if she told me what happened. She replied by saying that she didn't really know what to do or what to say to me or to her mother. While I said we've resolved this and she really doesn't have to move out, she said she thinks that her moving out is actually a good idea, because she feels she'd piss her mother off more if she continues to share with me. Meanwhile since a couple of people suggested that I move to the Railway Quarters, I looked into that. I plan on shifting my mother and my grandparents here because it would be easier for my mother if she stays with me, since one of my younger siblings is already staying in their university's hostel and the other would be leaving for their university in August/September. I definitely cannot house my mother and grandparents in the current flat. One of my dad's old friends who still works with me kindly agreed to look into it and see if he can speed up the process due to his connections. I told my RM if the processing and paperwork goes through, I will move into the Quarters in September, and since their new semester starts in September, she can find a new roommate who is more "acceptable" to her parents and keep the place. I also told her that if she decides to stand up to her mother, I will be by her side and support her, no questions asked. PS: People from other countries, please don't start saying that me getting my dad's old job is fake or my culture is unfortunate because it expects me to take care of my family. Every country operates differently, and due to different societal situations, we have laws and policies that might seem strange to you. And every culture has different ways of doing things, and I think this is one of the very nice things about mine. I would have taken care of my parents and grandparents anyway, even if my father hadn't been in the accident and lived to see his retirement. **Marked as ongoing in case we get an update on the roommate or OOP's move.**

AITA for calling my roommate's family a bunch of misogynists and asking her to move out?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13y2f5l/aita_for_calling_my_roommates_family_a_bunch_of/

13y2fok

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/ThrowRAmissjay. She posted in r/AITAH, (yes, that sub, not the other one,) and her own page. **Trigger Warnings:** >!sex shaming, religious bigotry, !< **Mood Spoiler:** >!a bleak look at society!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13ix593/aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement_because_what/)**: May 16, 2023** I (26F) am not from USA so I might have some grammatical errors. So, my dad left my mom and I when I was only 5 years old. I also have a brother (21M). He left the country with his mistress and never tried to contact. We were really poor. My mom had to do some immoral stuff to get food on the table. She was a stripper and also sometimes pleased men to get money for us. She put me and my brother through school. I understood why my mom did what she did because we had no money and she wanted us to have a life better than ours. And I am not ashamed because of it. I also started working part time when I was 14. I was a good student so I got a scholarship to a good university. My mom eventually stopped stripping when my brother got a part time job too. She now only works as a waitress. I met my fiancé, Javi (27M) in college. This was my first serious relationship. We both loved each other. I never told Javi about my mom's past because my mom made me promise to never say that to anyone. I kept that but it felt so wrong to keep this huge information away from my fiance. Javi knew about us. He only knew that my family was extremely poor. He doesn't care about that. He is a very sweet guy who always takes care of me. He even covered some of the cost of my brother's education as well even though I told him not to. My mom also likes him, that's why she told me not to tell Javi anything about her past or what she did for a living. So, a week ago, my mom and I went to Javi's house to meet his parents. I didn't realize his uncle and aunt would also be there. Upon seeing his uncle my mom's face went white as if she saw a ghost. His uncle also kept staring my mom as if he knows her. My mom felt uncomfortable and said that she wants to go home. Javi was confused by it. But nonetheless we left earlier than we anticipated. The next day my fiance came to our place and shouted at me that I lied to him. He said that I am a gold digger just like my mother, and my mother is the reason why his uncle's first marriage broke. I asked him to explain what the hell is he talking about. He said that his uncle knew my mom because he was a regular customer of her and often hired her for her services. His wife caught them red handed and immediately filed for divorce. My mom was crying and said that she didn't know he was married, she never asks men about their marital status. I told him that he has no right speak to my mom like that and his uncle was fully to blame because he was a married man who was hiring escorts for himself. My mom has no obligation towards his marriage. Javi still blamed me and mom and said that he felt deceived. He said to my face that he doesn't want to date a "whore's daughter" because I will probably invite men just like my mom. My mom had to beg him to not break the engagement. I am tired. If I do end up marrying him, my mom would always have to suffer because of it. I don't want that, so I gave him back his engagement ring and told him to never show his face. My mom is angry because she thinks this is my only chance to get married because no other guy would marry into a family where the mom works as a sex worker. But I think I did the right thing because I am not ashamed of my mom, I didn't even wanted to hide it in the first place. I wanted to tell him the truth but my mom refused it. So, AITA? Edit: I need to clear things out a bit. Javi knows everything about my life. He knows my dad fled the country and we had to live in poverty because of it. He knows my mom got pregnant way too young. I did give him hints that my mom had to do shady things to get by (he probably thought my mom stole things). But I didn't disclose that she was a sex worker. I wanted to tell him but my mom said not to because she doesn't want this to escalate. Also I never asked Javi to pay for my brother's education. He did it from the goodwill of his heart. I did promise to pay him back. I am not after his money. I do love him a lot. Even though we are broken up now, I still miss him. We have been together for 6 years. It is not easy to throw away those 6 years just like that. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about culture:* "I know that. And I understand why he is upset. Sex work is heavily criticized in my country to the point even doctors refuses to treat them. I understand his family's stigma especially his uncle was caught with my mom. So, they have a reason to hate her. I hoped that he would be a little bit understanding about our situation. If my mom didn't start working as a stripper, she would have never been able to send us school or college. I did love him a lot." *Can you and your mom go to therapy?* "It is hard to find a good therapist around our area. Yes, I have money now but my mom doesn't want to disclose her past because in the past she was denied care because of her profession." *More about the uncle:* "Everyone knows what the uncle did. I do not have to broadcast it. His uncle was a regular client of my mom. She knew him because he would often hire her and also because his wife slapped and beat her when she found her in his uncle's house." *Some people shame her mom for sleeping with married men as an escort:* "First off all, it is none of my mom's business to tell those men to stop hiring escorts. Do you know that more than half of the men who hire these sex workers are actually married? Are you really telling me that my mom is an asshole for not turning down 50% of those men? Do you know what that means? It means losing 50% of her income. Do you know what it's like to lose 50% of your income? If she refused those services then she would have never been able to keep a roof. Secondly, it's their marriage. My mom is just a service working who provides her services to men who hire her. It is none of her job or business to snoop or tell those men not to cheat. It's that man's ugly character that cheats on his wife with an escort. By your logic a waitress shouldn't serve a married man food because only his wife gets to serve him food and no one else." "Listen my mom was a sex worker. It was her job to offer services to anyone who is willing to pay. Even if she refused to do that, do you think that man who wanted an escort would stop? No, someone else would take that offer. It is not her responsibility to save a marriage that is already broken. She is a sex worker, not a marriage counselor. What she does is business. The man himself doesn't care about his marriage then why should my mom who is not romantically involved with any of them? You offered your judgements it is fine. But I must say your judgements are rather poor because you are blaming a poor woman who only did what she did to put food on our plate. Would you rather she loose more than 50% of her income than care about some random man's marriage that the man himself doesn't care? It is not my mom's job to provide loyalty. It is 100% on the man who hired an escort in the first place." ***This sub doesn't give an overall judgement, but most of the comments were NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/13se8eq/update_aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement/)**: May 26, 2023 (10 days later)** Hi everyone. I wanted to say thank you so much for your support. I never thought I would get so much support from strangers than people from my own community. I was however expecting a lot of hate towards my mom considering her profession but it is less than what I expected. I don't know if this qualifies as a proper update but there have been few changes. After I broke the engagement, I have been getting calls from my friends and Javi's family that I am making a huge mistake. My close friends know that my mom used to be a sex worker but mutual friends of mine and Javi does not know about it. So, they are also questioning me if I ever did that. Javi did apologize. He said he got carried away by his emotions and he loves me. Ngl, I love him too. I wanted to get past all of this. I know people have told me that I should not get married to this guy. But I was weak for a moment. Until he told me that he is willing to let things go and start anew if my mom does not attend any wedding functions. I was shocked. Weddings are a big deal in our culture. There are many functions and parties surrounding the wedding. How can he ask that I do not involve my mom. He told me that because of my mom's past it would be difficult for his family members to be around her. He convinced his mom with difficulty about this engagement. Also since his uncle is going to be there, it will only remind him of bad things. At that moment I realized that I was never a consideration. It was always him and making his family happy. My family is beneath them because we are not from a respectable background and come from homes of sex workers. I stood firm and told him no, it is not going to happen. I will not give into their demands because the way I see it my mom did not do anything wrong. It is funny how quickly people will judge a woman based on her work, that she had to do to feed her kids but no one will come forward to help her in time of her need. Javi threatened that I am making a huge mistake by letting him go. I just left. I do not have the energy to deal with it. I think this news is spreading like wildfire now. I may have to move out of the city because if this news reaches to my workplace I know damn well people will ostracize me. So, I might look for job in a different area. Lastly, I messaged him saying I am sorry for not telling him earlier about my mom but I loved him a lot. I am sad that he chose this topic to ruin a 6 year old relationship. I will be going to the bank and pay back the money he paid for my brother's education. I am still crying and jilted to say the least. Also, I saw that my post was shared in different religious groups bashing my mom. Saying that I deserved it. Well, let me tell you religious fanatics that most men who claim to be religious are not at all. My mom had many clients who claim to be religious including pastors and preachers. So please before blaming my mom look inside your house and your family. You might find chameleons hiding within your family too. Edit: People who are asking why I am paying him back, it is because I don't want him to use it as an excuse to call me a gold digger who used him for his money. I don't want to be in his debt. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Can you move elsewhere where people don't care?* "Thanks. I am encouraging my brother to apply for his masters abroad. Even if I missed the window he would be out of here. He won't have to face the scrutiny. And no sex work is legal in here but very much frowned upon especially in our town." *You made the right choice and someone else will be out there* "Thanks, but I wonder if anyone would ever be accepting of my life. Because if they do they might have to face insults and ridicule from the society. Who wants that? I just know even if it hurts, I cannot be with someone who was so disrespectful towards my family." **I truly wish OOP and her family the best. OOP seems like an amazing woman, and she was raised by an amazing woman.**

AITAH for breaking up my engagement because what my fiancé said about my mom?

CONCLUDED

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13y2fok/aitah_for_breaking_up_my_engagement_because_what/

13y8dir

**I am NOT OP. Original post by** u/JadedPhoenix80 **in** r/relationship_advice trigger warnings: >!mention of abusive relationship, stalking!< mood spoilers: >!none, her relationship is still strong !<   [I (42f) recieved a text telling me my fiancée (46m) has a girlfriend](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13do5pe/comment/jjn5d45/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) 10th May 2023 (42F) have been with my fiancée Caleb (46m fake name) for over 2 years. We are supposed to be getting married in August. Up until this morning I thought we had a great relationship. No major fights, spend almost all of our spare time together. Our sex life is ok (I could use a bit more, but I'm not complaining), and I have always told him that I was game ANYTIME he wanted to. I have not noticed anything to make me question him. I have had issues with trust in the past, but I have not had ANY suspicions that anything untoward was going on. I received 6 missed calls at about 3:30 this morning from 2 numbers I don't recognize. I answered one and no one spoke on the other line, so I hung up. The 2nd number then called back twice, which I ignored and went back to sleep. I woke up this morning to 2 text messages from the 2nd number saying (going to copy and paste): "Hey, this is caleb's girlfriend" name spelled incorrectly, and "I've been seeing Caleb for a few weeks now and thought you should know" name spelled right. I just replied "And who are you?" to the text. I'm really numb, and have no idea how to proceed. Do I forward the screenshots to him and ask wtf is up, do I wait till I get home from work and ask for his phone. I am so lost and comfused, I had no suspicions whatsoever. Any advice would be welcome   [Top Comment from Mountain\_Affect-2](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13do5pe/comment/jjlc5yo/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) I would wait a little bit to see if they write you back. Try to get information from this person about who they are, details they have that they can prove to you. Take your time and be methodical, rather than rushing to tell him first. The whole thing seems a bit off and that they spelled his name wrong and we're calling in the middle of the night are points in favor of it being some sort of scam/hoax. Don't immediately jump to conclusions that he is cheating on you. But don't rule it out if you get solid evidence. &#x200B; *Most comments agree this looks fake and not to do anything rash, but to also keep an eye out.* &#x200B; [UPDATE: I (42f) receives a text saying my (46m) fiance has a girlfri](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13rfvn0/comment/jlkrnp7/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) \- 25th May 2023 My last post got locked due to my lack of karma, or something like that. I'm not sure how to edit my original post, so I'm updating this way. I also don't know how to link to my original from mobile. I didn't say anything to Caleb until I got home. I think I had a suspicion that the texts were not legit, but I needed outside perception. I walked in the door and told him that we needed to talk, and showed him the texts. He legitimately looked confused, then I showed him my call log. He was blown away, then immediately offered me his phone. I looked through it, and found nothing. No hidden apps, nothing in the trash or call logs, nothing in his gallery, nothing in his social media. I had texted the "person" earlier that day (0800) asking if they had any proof, by way of screenshots, dates they were together, or photos. I wasn't salty in the messages at all, and I stated that we were supposed to get married in August. When I didnt hear back for about 8 hours, I sent another text saying Iwas calling BS, and that I didn't know what their endgame was, but I wasn't going to fall for it. About 1945, they got back to me, "I had no idea you guys were engaged he said you lived two hours away. Tell him to lose my number". I responded with "Can you send me some screenshots? When did you see him last? Do you have any pics together? He is denying everything. I'd appreciate it". About 5 minutes later they came back with "Honestly I have no interest in breaking up a marriage and I should have minded my own business. We slept together a few times and it really wasn’t a big deal I apologize for any issues i’ve caused". That really got to me, so, my response was "You helped, but it was he's choice. I would appreciate having proof" then I sent one right after this one saying "And you should tell him yourself" After about 20 minutes I texted that this was BS again. They responded almost right away and sent this final message "I’m at work. Can you stop? Stay with Caleb, don’t, do whatever. I wanted to make you aware of something that involved you. I thought i’d be doing you a favor but you continuously accusing me of making up bullshit and texting me four times after I don’t respond for more than 10 minutes is making me think you should just keep him. Unless you’ve fucked over someone, im not sure why you’d assume someone is fucking with you. Also I don’t see what I would benefit from this considering he’s engaged and lied to me about it and I blocked his number already. Have a good one". The tone in this one changes, and something said in a previous message changes my suspicions. I am originally from a town about 2 hours from where I live now, but I have lived here for almost 4 years Caleb doesn't tell people where I am originally from. The city/metro area I live in has about 1.5 million people, and it is never asked. I was in an abusive relationship up until about 9 months before I moved here, and when we split he displayed very stalker-ish behaviors. The ex even went so far as to use a number spoofing service to contact me after I blocked him. Caleb gave up his phone easily, and without hesitation. His non-verbals showed genuine confusion regarding the whole situation. The conclusion that I drew was that this is someone from MY past trying to either, destroy my relationship, or test how strong it is. I'm thinking that whoever it is discovered that I'm in a relationship somehow, and wanted to shake it to see what would fall out. We ARE still together, and are still getting married.   [Top Comment from Struckbyfire](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13rfvn0/comment/jljyyo6/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)  “Unless you’ve fucked over someone” makes me think this is, indeed, your ex or someone salty from your past. &#x200B; Comments from the OOP *Oh jeez some people are so sad..* *How did they get your number??* *Do you still have your old number.* **Yes, I have had the same number for 7 years or so** *Yeah got to be ex then or some loser he knows.* *Change ya number honey..* *My petty arse would send a pic off you both on wedding day to that number 🤣* **Love the pettiness!!!** &#x200B; Marking as concluded as the OOP has determined finance is not cheating on her and is likely the ex. &#x200B; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

OOP receives an anonymous text message stating her fiancee is cheating on her

CONCLUDED

Stephenallen1977

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13y8dir/oop_receives_an_anonymous_text_message_stating/

13yfd8c

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/ThrowRA-onship-862 **Husband [35m] demanded I [29f] stop cooking for friends** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!verbal abuse, emotional abuse and emotional manipulation!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/12ax67e/husband_35m_demanded_i_29f_stop_cooking_for/) **Apr 3, 2023** My husband and I have been married for 3 months. He comes from a much more traditional background than I do. When we were dating, he swept me off my feet. We went out for dinners, lovely vacations, and he brought me numerous care packages. He works as an executive and makes good money. Last year I started a baked goods side hustle. it brings me soooo much joy!! I ended up becoming really busy, made more friends, and now I'm way more social. My husband has become angry that I cook and spend evenings with my girl friends. It's maybe 1-2 nights a week and I don't really see people much outside of that. He said I'm not a good wife and he feels used. When I said I was going to buy a car with my own money, he became even angrier. He refused to pay for groceries and said I need to contribute more $$$. So now with working, cooking lunch and dinner, it's become exhausting. How can I reason with my husband? I feel like I've grown a lot, and he's not happy. Tl;Dr husband angry when I'm away **RELEVANT COMMENTS** peakpenguins >"He said I'm not a good wife and he feels used." >I'd be interested in hearing him explain in detail how you're not being a good wife. By spending time with people who aren't him? Doing things that aren't for him? OOP replied >He keeps telling that he's been unhappy, which is strange, because I've been really happy and bubbly. >He says I'm not pulling my weight because I don't cook as much. He stopped buying food for us, so it's been more work to keep up . barnstablepearl >Do you have another job? How much of your joint income do you have access to? >You say he "refused to pay for groceries", which makes me worry about financial abuse. OOP replied >I work part time as a model, and lately both industries have been busy. I don't have access to our joint income, we keep everything separate . RubyJuneRocket >A supportive partner will never make you feel small or like you have to shrink yourself down for them, but that is exactly what that man is doing. It happens in Hollywood, the woman in the couple gets more famous or wins a major award and the husband starts feeling some kind of way. >You are starting to shine and he is trying to dull you. You deserve to be a star. OOP replied >Thank you. It's been so upsetting. I've started getting great contracts and suddenly he wants to move away, where the industry isn't as good. >I'm so puzzled because I'm happier and I didn't think it would cause so many problems . MagicCarpet5846 >The reality is, your husband wants a traditional wife. He wants a woman who’s sole existence is to serve him and his family. Your role is to cook for him, take care of him, bear and rear as many or as few kids as he desires and put up with whatever he wants. He makes a bunch of money and he feels as though that’s his right as not only a man, but a successful man. >I get everyone on Reddit telling you not to tolerate it, and you shouldn’t, but you need to be hyper realistic about the situation you’re in. He isn’t going to change. There is no point in trying to convince him. If you try to change him, one of two (I guess three) things is going to happen, he will leave you, cheat on you, or become violent. He’s already become angry with you for beginning to challenge him, so do not doubt the possibility that he will become physical. >You need to simply decide if your and his views on what a marriage should be are compatible, and they very well may not be. But if this isn’t what you want, you need to make plans to leave, not plans to stand up for him. Otherwise, you may be in physical danger, or at a minimum left in a situation with no plan. He may become vengeful in a divorce and do everything he can to take everything from you and leave you with even less than you came into the marriage with. I can’t impress upon you that the choices are either accept the marriage he wants, or do not say anything until you’re in a position to quickly and safely leave. OOP replied >Thank you. I'm realizing it's worse than I thought. He's been acting strangely like booking vacations without telling me, threatening to have an "open marriage"... all because I haven't been cooking in the last month and "not putting any effort" into our marriage. >I guess I didn't want to say it, but he has started yelling over things as well. >We dated for 1.5 years and a lot of this stuff is out of character. >I guess I'll quietly make a decision without him? [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13pdghb/update_husband_35m_demanded_i_29f_stop_cooking/) **May 23, 2023** Hi reddit, I first posted a few months ago, here: /r/relationship_advice/comments/12ax67e/husband_35m_demanded_i_29f_stop_cooking_for/ and... wow. I wasn't expecting such an outpouring of support and comments from all of you. I read all of your comments and kept coming back to the page. I wanted to update earlier, but I needed to give myself time. Things have been really messy and hectic and I had a hard time thinking anything through. I really tried to reason with my husband. I just couldn't get through to him. Any conversation would turn to him saying "you say you love me, but your actions don't match," or the silent treatment, or him suddenly saying I'm not bringing in enough money, etc etc I spent SO much time crying, curled into a ball, shaking from anxiety, that eventually I just... became numb. I finally decided to take a break and moved in with a friend of mine. It's been a month. It's hard and it sucks. My husband says that now he can "safely date other people," and that these other women are less demanding and treat him better. He keeps reminding me that I've put on a little weight and that he wants someone who is healthier. So for me, I've been focusing on work and spending time with my friends. I don't know what will happen with my husband or if he will ever come around. I know it's not exactly a perfect update, but this is where I am! Unfortunately I don't have my baking supplies but I'm hoping in the future I'll be more settled. Thanks again, reddit **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Leather_Opinion8154 >So not only did he make you feel horrible, made you cry, fat shame you and try to manipulate you, he also is trying to to make you crawl back to him at his beck and call and make you jealous. These are his true colors Op. you’ve built something for yourself that you love to do outside of your relationship and made friends that he’s angry about that. >He’s angry because YOU have accomplished something, he’s angry that YOU are happy and that you have friends. He can’t do anything. I still don’t understand what he meant by “you love me but your actions don’t match”, LIKE HOW?! What have you supposedly done that your actions of love don’t match when you say it? How did he feel used when you started your business and go out with friends? Well let me tell you, he didn’t. His is just mad at you because you’ve done something for yourself and you’re successful and happy and he’s jealous of that. He’s just trying to find things to start problems that don’t even need to be there. >You deserve better than him and since you guys are separated he thinks he can cheat on you? You don’t need that from him. Also, you are a beautiful person inside and out. Don’t let his words about your body get to you. If he wants a skinny girl then by all means let him have a skinny girl. It’s ok if you’ve put on a little bit of weight, bigger girls are better. Tbh you really need to have a conversation with him on why he feels this way and resents you. If he still ignores you and doesn’t want to do anything to fix things with you, just divorce him. A man like that will NEVER come around. OOP replied >His true colors are here. He isn't who he used to be. We went from such a happy dating life: he was so generous and always treated me for meals, and vacations, and he was emotionally available and always willing to listen. I didn't see the red flags because I thought it was because of his culture. He said "Oh, your financial background is very, very bad. My family won't accept you." - I believed him because I don't have a formal education. I blamed myself for being so anxious and needy, but when I healed my anxious-attachment style, I became a healthier and happier version of myself. Then the wheels really fell off. So basically, this is a very long response to say THANK you! I needed this thread. I come back to hear positive words like yours, telling me I'm worth more and still beautiful, even from the stress of over-eating. So thank you, thank you. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Husband [35m] demanded I [29f] stop cooking for friends

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13yfd8c/husband_35m_demanded_i_29f_stop_cooking_for/

13yzy5l

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/Doingokay_ **Mysterious reoccurring blood splatter in our bathrooms… is my husband lying to me?** **Originally posted to** r/RBI [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/11t0bcg/mysterious_reoccurring_blood_splatter_in_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **Mar 16, 2023** Buckle up, this one is a weird one. Since me (24f) and my husband (26m) have moved into our apartment 8 months ago, I have been finding random blood splattering on the walls, cabinets, and floors around our toilets, and once even our bathroom mirror. They’re usually tiny droplets but sometimes they get smeared on the walls or floor, I assume when they’re fresh/wet. I know that the first suspect would be menstruation blood, however I have not had a period in 2 years thanks to my birth control. I first noticed it about 3 or 4 months ago. I’ve asked my husband about it and the first few times he would tell me that he had no clue where it came from or how it got there. But after I would clean it up and new ones would appear, I kept would ask him again. Eventually he told me that sometimes when he blows his nose, his nose bleeds and it could be from that. I partially accepted that answer, however I can’t recall a single time where I’ve blown my nose and missed the tissue so much that my snot sprayed all around me? I also mentioned to him that your nose is not supposed to bleed when you blow it and maybe he should see an ENT to see what’s up but he refuses and says it’s fine. So the cycle continues. I clean up blood droplets and they reappear around our toilets in a matter of days. When I mention them he gets frustrated and short with me and doesn’t want to talk about it. He has doubled down on the “it’s from blowing my nose” thing but I still can’t imagine how 1) he blows his nose so terribly that it sprays snotty blood in every direction and 2) his nose bleeds every day and he’s not concerned about it? I recently asked him if his nose has always done that. I previously dated somebody with a “thin nose lining” and they once got a massive nose bleed from me doing the “got your nose” thing so I know it’s possible. But he said no, he “doesn’t think” it’s been like that always and then he pressured me to stop the conversation. Also, I would never find blood in our previous house’s bathrooms and we lived there for 4 years. I’ll add that we have a regular sex life and I’ve seen basically every inch of him and there’s no sign of any cuts or trauma anywhere. I’m sick of cleaning up blood and I’m also repulsed by the idea that he doesn’t know how to blow his nose without spraying bloody mucous everywhere. I’m also very concerned for him if he really has new nosebleeds every day, as a friend from high school had this happen and he ignored it and it ended up being cancer in his sinus cavities. So here I am, asking Reddit, what the heck is going on? Is he lying to me? Is it really his nose? If so, why is he suddenly bleeding every day? Why is he so defensive about it? What is going on?! Edit to answer some FAQs: • Yes we have pets but the blood shows up only bathrooms, including the guest en suite where the pets are not allowed ever. Those rooms are closed off. No blood anywhere where the pets are allowed. • I am in control of finances and there is no money missing ever. Both our direct deposits go into our joint account. He has a credit card but the only checking account he has is our joint one. • He does have hemorrhoids but so do I (thanks Crohns Disease!) and I’ve never gotten blood anywhere but the toilet • He gets medical anxiety and this could be why he is defensive bc he should probably see a doctor • He told me that when he goes to the bathroom at night he doesn’t turn any lights on so that he doesn’t wake me (I’m a light sleeper) and when he blows his nose he doesn’t see the blood since it’s dark. He does have pretty bad allergies. • He has had no behavioral changes since this started Also adding a comment I made… “For those suggesting drugs: I am not dismissing you. I’m getting shamed for “ignoring” the comments suggesting it’s drugs but I’m still absorbing the possibility that it might be and I need TIME. I also can’t just willy-nilly accuse my husband of doing drugs without hard evidence because if I did and he isn’t doing drugs then that’ll put a huge strain on our relationship. If my husband accused me of shooting up in my spare time without evidence I would be pissed. Again, I’m not ignoring you or dismissing your theories, I’m just taking my time because that’s a shocking thing and I need to process the possibility. So if he were hiding drugs in our tiny apartment, where should I look? I checked inside the toilets. I pulled apart every drawer. Our ceilings are too high for either of us to reach. If you have experience with addiction or living with someone with addiction, please guide me to finding more evidence.” **RELEVANT COMMENTS** peyerate >Do y'all have a dog that wags their tail a lot? Definitely a chance they have an injury that bleeds when they happily hit their tail all over the room. Or could be any other animal. OOP replied >So we do have pets including a dog however I find the blood in both our master bathroom as well as our guest en suite bathroom and the pets aren’t allowed in the guest area. We keep them all shut off. . snailhair_j >What sort of frequency does this occur? I'd ask to see how he blows his nose, that way you know a) if it's actually from his nose and b) if it is his nose then you'll see how he's getting it everywhere. OOP replied >I rage clean the blood at least once a week which means it all appears within a week. >Also in the 6 years we have been together, I’ve never seen him blow his nose aside from the one time he had a sinus infection. And it wasn’t bloody, and it didn’t spray everywhere. . VigilanteDetective64 >Could he be cheating on you? >Don’t mean to be grim…but period sex can in fact cause blood splatter. OOP replied >Oof but is he only cheating on my with girls on their periods? Bc it’s literally every week they reappear. >Also I really don’t think he is cheating. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/RBI/comments/13tferu/update_mysterious_reoccurring_blood_splatter_in/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) **May 27, 2023** An update some (probably very few) have been waiting for: We solved the case of the bloody bathroom. Now, I know that there will inevitably be some users who truly believe that my husband is discreetly hiding a drug problem despite this update and harass me about it, so I will be no longer using this account after it’s posted. To preface, I received about 10 DM’s that offered to send pictures of what their, or a loved one’s, blood evidence of shooting up or snorting looked like and I was thankful that literally none of it looked like what I was finding. Those photos, the lack of gaps in our finances, no history of unexplainable personality changes, as well as the fact that I cleaned/searched every inch of our 800-square-foot apartment and found nothing suspicious, solidified my conclusion that it wasn’t drugs. I am pleased to announce that my husband… is just gross. Before I continue, I’d like to thank those who sent me photos and personal anecdotes of their or their loved one’s drug use and I wish you all peace and good health in your lives. So obviously it’s been a few months since my post. In that time, I was harassed in my DMs with people calling me ignorant, some suggesting that I divorce my husband based on this wild possibly that he might be using hard drugs. Firstly, if my husband had a drug problem, I wouldn’t leave him lol I’d want to help him; I love him and addiction is a disease and he would need support. But alas, I found myself searching dark corners of cabinets and furniture crevices for secret drug-hiding spots and found nothing. I sat him down for yet another conversation about the blood and he reassured me he was having nighttime nose bleeds and promised that he would turn on the lights from then on to make sure he cleaned it up because I did not deserve the burden of doing so for him. He lived up to his promise and after that conversation I noticed he was turning the light on when he went to blow his nose at night and the blood drops stopped appearing. Fast forward to two weeks ago, I was on Instagram and came across a reel that was titled “Signs you’re using your nasal spray wrong”. The very first “sign” was new, unrelenting nose bleeds. The metaphorical lightbulb over my head illuminated, as I remembered that since we moved to a new part of the state, my husband’s allergies have been worse and he started taking flonaise to control it. The time of the blood appearing was about a week and a half after he started taking the nasal spray. I know this because he uses my prescription ever since flonaise came out with a pill version that I like better. As soon as he came home I showed him the video I saw, which also demonstrated how to properly use nasal sprays (YOU HAVE TO TILT IT!!! NOT shoot it straight up!!!). He took a week off of the flonaise to “reset” his sinuses and last week started using it again, the correct way. And holy cow. He stopped snoring. His voice sounds different. His nose stopped whistling. And thank the lord, he stopped having midnight nose bleeds. No more blood, but also no more paranoia on my part and he can properly breathe out of his nose for the first time we moved here. You may be wondering why he didn’t see a doctor when the nosebleeds started, its because we are poor and he has medical anxiety. But yeah. Case solved! TLDR: husband wasn’t using hard drugs as the internet suggested, he was using his nasal spray incorrectly. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

Mysterious reoccurring blood splatter in our bathrooms… is my husband lying to me?

CONCLUDED

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13yzy5l/mysterious_reoccurring_blood_splatter_in_our/

13z0ok6

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/EarthClassic230. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!Okay-ish? Still... the audacity!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13re8r1/wibta_if_i_didnt_get_my_sister_a_wedding_gift/)**: May 25, 2023** Ok so I (25M) am a wedding planner so when my sister (32F) announced she was getting married, most of our family, her included, assumed I’d help plan it for her. I initially didn’t really want to as ger wedding is right in the middle of busy season so I’d miss out on gigs that would pay but then I decided that she’s my sister and this would be a good wedding gift and would just help with the wedding stress. She was so happy when I agreed and we started going over her plans and themes, I found some venues and we went to look at them, I took care of all of the catering so all she had to do was taste test and pick, I was also able to use my connections to get her special deals and stuff like that. At first it was pretty smooth but as time went on it just got more and more stressful. She wouldn’t communicate with anyone and almost got her photographer to quit (I had to convince him to stay), she’d constantly change her mind on things and then get mad they were changed as I should of known she was just being indecisive and that I should have stuck with the first option. While I was setting up the registry she told me I could have first dibs on what gift I was getting her, I looked at her confused and said that my help planning was my gift. She then said that a lot of family helped out and they are still getting gifts. I told her that other family members helped move furniture or lend me their car to pick up supplies, I was doing most of the work and was missing out on actually getting paid helping her. She said she’s greatful for my help but that this wouldn’t really constitute a gift unless I was paying for things like her dress or the venue. And she said it didn’t matter when I brought up that my connections have literally saved her thousands when you add them up. She’s now calling me cheap and is getting our family involved. I don’t know what she told them (they won’t tell me) but they keep saying how selfish I am to make my sister’s big day all about me. If I could afford it I wouldn’t mind getting her something, but the cheapest thing in the registry is almost $200 and I’m not well off, plus my loss of income I can’t afford something like that rn. I want to support her but I don’t think I’m gonna get her a gift, WIBTA if I didn’t? ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13t7xuy/update_wibta_if_i_didnt_get_my_sister_a_wedding/)**: May 27, 2023 (2 days later)** I took some of your advice but didnt go as extreme as I think some of you were hoping I would, sorry but I can be of a people pleaser and I dont want to ruin what is supposed to be a happy moment in her life. I put together a list of everything I had done, including all the discounts I had gotten her, I'm not sure if she knew they were discounts as I didnt say they were discounts, I was saying things like “I have been able to get you a quote of x amount from y for z”. Aswell as stating what I would normally charge for a wedding this sized. I then texted her to ask if we could get some lunch and talk. When she arrived I showed her the list and explained that I'm not asking her to pay this but I wanted her to see how much I'm helping her and how much money I am losing by doing her wedding instead of taking on a client who would pay. At first she was shocked at the amount and accused me of lying to try and make her feel bad, I was able to show her bills from other weddings I had done before and a quick Google search showed that my prices are pretty average, she had never looked up any wedding planner or their rates bc she assumed I was always gonna do it. She said she thought it wasnt that much as I didnt seem to be well off, I told her that while it does pay well I cant take on crazy amounts of clients since I need to give quality service and that I might not always get clients all year, plus I have a few medical expenses that can take out a large chunk. She said I still must have some money saved up, I said I do but that I would be having to use it to cover my bills and stuff since my income is taking a hit due to taking on her wedding, after a while of insisting that some of the items on her registry arnt that expensive she relented, I wouldn't have to get her anything since I had gotten her enough discounts to qualify as a gift and that she was grateful for my help and services. Honestly, I didnt know how much this was stressing me until that relief washed over me, I was thankful that this was over and we could continue with planning her wedding. I asked her to clear things up with our family as they wont talk to me about it, she agreed and sent a group text explaining that the gift incident was just a misunderstanding and that we had talked it out and cleared things up. For those who are saying that her registry seems very expensive, her new husband, his family friends, and alot of her friend are very wealthy, and she makes sure our parents and other close family are taken care of so she kinds has become disconnected from people with “normal” financial status like me. There are alot of things on the list like designer handbags, clothes, shopping sprees, dinners, and even a car and second home on there. The cheaper items are some simple jewelry she liked. She paid for my part of the lunch as an apology and since I'm struggling and things are all good now I think, thanks, everyone. ***Marked as ongoing in case we get any info on the wedding*** **Edit- Just a reminder that OOP is male! Bride's brother.**

WIBTA if I didn’t get my sister a wedding gift?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13z0ok6/wibta_if_i_didnt_get_my_sister_a_wedding_gift/

13z18mv

**I am not the OP. Original post is by** u/Ad-West-7 **in** r/offmychest TW: >!Mental illness, self-harm, references to suicide, physical violence, alcohol + drug abuse!< Mood Spoiler: >!Still very sad!< *Note: This is a follow-up to my previous BORU about this, which can be found* [*here*](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13n2w42/my_girlfriend_had_a_meltdown_and_fell_asleep_on/)*. The newest update is the second one, if you want to skip to it.* \~\~\~ [Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13czyis/my_girlfriend_had_a_meltdown_and_fell_asleep_on/) \- May 9, 2023 **My girlfriend had a meltdown and fell asleep on my couch** Last night my (25M) girlfriend (27F) came over to drop off a package that was sent to her house instead of mine. She’s been struggling with depression recently and for the last two weeks she has not been acting herself at all. It seemed like she had not slept in days and her usual high energy self was not there. I asked her if she was okay numerous times but she kept pushing me away and gave one sentence answers about how she is fine and I didn’t need to worry. I know she has a history with suicide but that was when she was a teenager and she has not thought of taking her life since she was 16. When she came over she was in really bad shape. Her hair was messy and there were bags under her eyes. There were some cuts on her arm that looked like self harm and one of them was bleeding. Her voice was groggy and she was extremely quiet. She came into my apartment, put the package on the kitchen counter, said goodbye, and tried to leave immediately. She thanked me for being a good boyfriend which caught my attention. I felt a sense of doom so I stepped in front of the door and told her to stay for the night. She told me to move but I said she was not in a good condition to drive and something bad might happen. Suddenly she hit me in the chest and said she wants something bad to happen. She broke down in tears and cried about how stressed out and unappreciated she felt. She talked about how she was the perfect student and went to Berkeley like her parents wanted and became a nurse but they never showed any support for her career. She gets pushed aside and hates how all the attention goes to her sister and she feels unnoticed. She cried about how stressful work has been and how understaffed her hospital is. She had not slept for 37 hours and tried to go to bed a couple hours earlier but couldn’t fall asleep. She hates her body and how much she struggles with maintaining her weight. I picked her up and brought her to the couch and she continued crying and told me she thought about crashing her car multiple times on the way to my apartment and I would be better off with her being dead. She finished off by saying she doesn’t feel human and how difficult it is to get out of bed then fell asleep in the middle of crying. That all happened in a span of about 10 minutes. I laid her down on the couch and put a pillow under her head. I stopped the bleeding on her arm and put some bandages on the wound after I cleaned it. I put a blanket over her and stroked her hair for a while. I started crying watching her sleep. I knew she was going through a rough time but I did not know how bad it was. I got a blanket and pillow and slept in front of the couch in case she woke up. It’s 10am right now and she’s still sleeping. She’s been asleep for 14 hours and has not moved. I don’t know what condition she’s going to be in when she wakes up but I hope she is calm and open to talk about getting help. Edit: Thank you for the replies. She woke up a couple hours ago after sleeping for 16 hours and she explained everything. She was at work two days ago and a elderly patient yelled at her and shoved her. She reached her breaking point and when she got home she threw out her antidepressants (she gets a refill on Thursday) and went into a manic episode. She went to work yesterday without sleep but walked out an hour into her shift and relapsed into self harming. She decided she was going to drive into a tree but wanted to see me one last time so she dropped off the package to do so. Thankfully I saw the signs and stopped her and she had her breakdown. She asked if she could stay with me for a couple of days so we drove to her apartment to get some things and she played music and sang her heart out. She wanted Wingstop so I stopped to order her something and she ran to a grocery store nearby while I was in line and got her favorite ice cream. We drove back to my apartment and ate and she is currently taking a shower. When she gets out and dries off I’m going to sit down with her and talk about what she wants to do regarding her job. I think she’s going to quit tbh. I saw a comment asking me to call out for her but I think she’s going to call out entirely. She seems BURNT OUT. I’m also going to bring up idea of her talking to a therapist again. Thank you for listening to my ramble lol. Your support means a lot to me. \~\~\~ [First Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13gd29r/my_girlfriend_showed_up_to_my_work_drunk_and_high/) \- May 13, 2023 **My girlfriend showed up to my work drunk and high** A couple days ago I posted about how my girlfriend was in the middle of a mental crisis and fell asleep on my couch for half the day. She took a mental health leave from her job and found a therapist this morning who she says will begin to see her next week. She got her medication refills on Thursday and has been trying to relax but when I came home later that day she was not there. I texted her and she said she was out with friends and would be back soon. She came back a couple hours later with a brown bag but did not tell me what it was. She went into my bedroom to hide it and told me not to open it. I was a little concerned but decided not to push it. It turns out she was hiding cocaine in the bag. I am a firefighter and I worked today and the next two days and tonight she showed up at my station drunk and high out of her mind. She knocked on the door and my Lieutenant opened it and I immediately recognized her drunk voice. She stumbled in asking where I was and started crying when she saw me. My Lieutenant told me to take her home so I guided her to the car and drove her back to my apartment. She started yelling about her job out of nowhere then fell asleep. When I reached my apartment I carried her up the stairs and sat her down on the couch. There were wine bottles and a line of cocaine on my kitchen counter. I called the station and said I would be back in an hour and cleaned up the kitchen and made sure she was not at risk of overdosing. I have never been more mad in my life. I am okay with alcohol in my apartment but any kind of drugs is unacceptable. My father was a drug addict so drugs are forbidden from my apartment and my girlfriend knows this. I am upset about that but showing up inebriated and high at my job IN FRONT of my coworkers is even more unacceptable. I have been trying my hardest to put myself in a position to move up a rank and now I am the guy who had to drive his drunk girlfriend home. How did she even get to the station in the first place. I hope it was an Uber or something. I love my girlfriend with all my heart but she needs to find serious professional help. I have been able to weather her manic episodes but this incident is something I am not going to be able to let go quickly. I know she has mental health problems and it’s something I have to accept to be with her but she is not taking her health seriously and it’s affecting her life and it’s starting to affect my life. She said she was going to admit herself to a psychiatric hospital on Thursday but it’s Saturday morning and she’s in my apartment passed out on my couch. I love my girlfriend. I really do. The past four years with her have been amazing but she keeps getting worse and it’s getting harder to help her. I watched my mother ruin her life trying to fix my father and I don’t want to end up on the same path as her. At some point I have to draw a line. Update: She took herself to the hospital and admitted herself. She sent me a picture of the sign in sheet and apologized for her behavior. I don’t feel anything at this point. I get a break from her for a while so that’s nice. I might break up with her. \~\~\~ **\*\*\*NEW UPDATE\*\*\*** [Second Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/13tosq9/my_girlfriend_broke_up_with_me_through_a_letter/) \- May 27, 2023 **My girlfriend broke up with me through a letter and I miss her** My girlfriend was released from the psych ward yesterday and decided to break up with me for a while. She suffered a massive mental health crisis a couple of weeks ago and ended up taking a mental health leave from her job. She showed up at my work drunk and high on cocaine and I had to take her home. She admitted herself to the hospital the next day and stayed for two weeks before she was released. Last night she knocked on my door before running back to her car. She left a box with all my things from her apartment and a letter attached to the box. In the letter, she said she needs to take a break from our relationship so she can take care of her mental health. She is in an extremely unstable condition and is receiving treatment for depression and suicidal ideation. She does not feel safe being around anyone at the moment and does not trust herself to make logical decisions around people. She is taking her medication and no longer feels like the world is ending but she is going back to the hospital to receive assistance with her depression. She is also going to start eating full meals again and try put on weight. The next three pages of the letter were filled with her expressing her love for me and apologizing for her behavior. Because she knows I do not want drugs anywhere near my apartment she asked one of her coworkers about a person they know who sells cocaine and she bought a gram. She bought it in a brown bag along with some weed and hoped I would look at it and break up with her. When I didn’t she decided to sniff the cocaine and put a line on the kitchen table. She bought 10 bottles of wine and drank two of them and scattered the bottles around the apartment before taking an Uber to my job. Because I was the only thing that was stopping her from jumping off a bridge she hoped that I would get mad when I saw her walking into the fire station wasted and the state of my apartment when I brought her back and break up with her. Despite my anger, I did not break up with her and she ultimately decided to check herself into the hospital. She dedicated one page to apologizing for her actions that morning and all the things she did before because of her mental health. She doesn’t deserve a patient boyfriend like me who has the biggest heart in the world and she is afraid of corrupting me. She told me to find a woman who does not have the same problems as her and treat that woman with the same respect I gave her. The last page was her telling me how grateful she was to have me as a boyfriend and she could never repay me for the five years of love I gave her. She does not know when she’s going to feel ready to be in my presence again and told me not to come to her house to talk to me. She also drew a portrait of me while she was in the hospital and attached it to the letter. I started crying in a way I haven’t since I was a kid. I knew what I was getting into when I met her and I never held her mental health against her. She always told me what emotions she was feeling and it helped our relationship greatly. This is a very serious situation and I am glad she recognized she needs professional support instead of trying to deal with it all by herself. She’s had episodes before but nothing like this. I miss her. I miss her so much. My apartment has been quiet for the past two weeks without her being loud and creating noise and I hate it. I miss holding her and rubbing her back while she fell asleep. I miss the streak of blonde hair in her black hair, her big, black, beautiful eyes, and how she always smelled like lavender. I miss cooking for her and making dinner so she had something to eat after a shift. I miss the smells of whatever recipe she was attempting to replicate from Pinterest. I miss the video of Daniel Craig saying “ladies and gentlemen, the weekend” she would send me every Friday after 5pm. I miss her chicken katsu and spam musubi and her cooking. She made two containers of katsu and curry and put them in my refrigerator before she started her cocaine plan and every bite I took made me miss her more. I miss exercising and doing ab workouts with her. I miss trying new hiking trails with her. I miss watching whatever dumb reality tv show she was obsessed with every two months and her asking a million questions every time she watched a sporting event with me. She was the love of my life and my life feels incomplete without her. I told my mom and younger sister we were taking a break and both of them said she feels like a member of our family. I miss her. The last four years have been the happiest times of my life and now all I feel is numbness and sadness. Whenever we had disagreements they never lasted more than two days and we apologized if one of us said something mean. She was the place I called home and the only person I feel safe confiding in and now she’s gone for I don’t know how long. I want to be right by her side giving her a hug and telling her how strong and beautiful she is but I can’t. I know she’s serious about improving her mental health and she’s making an effort to get her so that makes me feel a sense of peace. I hope she is able to find a sense of calmness in her mind. I collected all her things and dropped them off at her house this afternoon then got on the highway and just keep driving for an hour. No music or anything. Just the sound of cars and my thoughts. She deserves to be happy and feel like she wants to live. It hurts to live without her. Edit: She has never done drugs before. This was the first time she ever bought or did drugs. \~\~\~ *I was really sad to see this update, but perhaps it's for the best while she addresses her mental health. I wish them the best.* **Reminder - I am NOT the original poster. Don't forget that commenting on the original posts is not allowed.**

My girlfriend had a meltdown and fell asleep on my couch - New Update

NEW UPDATE

SJDude13

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13z18mv/my_girlfriend_had_a_meltdown_and_fell_asleep_on/

13z37pa

I am not the OP of this post. The OOP is u/throwrapassive2, and her original post released two months ago. Her update came towards the end of May, and she is looking for support and advice. I got her permission to post before I did, and she said it was cool. She didn't make a separate post for her update because she didn't want to get lewd messages like she did previously due to the activity/hobby she does, and the post will give better context [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/family/comments/12b97l8/myf22_fiancem23_gave_an_ultimatum_to_not_use_the/?sort=new) **(April 4th, 2023)** Trigger warning: >!rape and sexual abuse!< I haven't found the courage to approach the subject with anyone irl yet, and I'm breaking one of my rules by asking here. But I'm deciding to do so in hopes of attaining advice that I can bring to my current situation. I met my fiance during freshman year of college, and we have been together for four years. When he proposed, I told him yes, but I also told him that I needed to tell him something that I struggled to find the right time for. I told him I felt guilty for not mentioning it sooner, but that there was a reason for it My assumption is that the same will happen here as I say what it is (in DMs), but I hope to still find advice. My parents enrolled me in a circus camp in middle school, and it's been a part of me ever since. I continued in high school and even college in a studio on the side of my studies, but I learned rather early to be careful who I told. I once posted a recital performance on my Instagram, but I received some lewd DMs, and this was during high school. I also told my boyfriend during HS sophomore year, and it led to him constantly making sex jokes about me even when I asked him not to. I practice handbalancing/contortion, and I rarely tell anyone for that reason. However, what hurt the most was when my HS boyfriend tried to force me into positions against my will when we were home alone and tried to r\*pe me, and I would've quit if not for my parents Long story short, my parents backed me up and helped me pursue action, but I don't want to make this about that. I wanted to quit, but my parents encouraged me not to, and I'm glad that I didn't in hindsight. I took over a year off from practicing until coming back to it, and I felt really strong for going back. However, I didn't tell my fiance about circus for a few years until after he proposed, and I knew I couldn't put it off anymore. He knew about the boy who tried to r\*pe me, but I never told him that it was because he sexualized my practice or that I practiced contortion at all. I was afraid of telling him that I did circus after what happened last time. But when we talked and I told him, I soon regretted doing so He seemed understanding and listened when I told him everything shortly after he proposed, and I even mentioned how I went to therapy on campus too. He didn't have much to say afterward, but he said it was good I talked to someone. I thought we were fine until he wanted to talk a few days later and said it was on his mind. He said he appreciated me being honest, but that he wanted to be honest too. He reiterated he was sorry for what I went through, but that he didn't want me to stretch at the gym after work "because people may sexualize me again" because I'm "more flexible than most". I told him that I only do basic stretches after doing treadmill to cooldown and nothing circus-like, but he said he felt "insecure about others looking at me" and that "we should compromise after he heard me out". He also said he didn't think we should put our kids in circus because "people might sexualize them too". But when I told him that we can't stop living because of other people, he said he wanted to agree on that before marriage, and I'm honestly surprised at his opinion. He's usually understanding, but he's been firm on this when I asked to talk again and he said "only if I changed my mind". I feel that it's good we're talking about this before marriage, but I also feel like I'm never going to get married because this is the second time it's been a thing, and he's refusing to change his stance. How should I progress since he won't change his stance, and how do I cope with feeling like I'll never get married without giving up what I enjoy? I know there's no future if he won't change his mind, but I'm nervous to tell him that I won't budge [Update Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/family/comments/12b97l8/myf22_fiancem23_gave_an_ultimatum_to_not_use_the/?sort=new) **(May 22nd, 2023)** It's been a minute since my first post, but I want to update here because I got the best advice here. I thought about making another post for the update, but that would probably come with more lewd DMs that I ended up receiving after my first post in a different sub because I mentioned I practiced contortion, so I'll just add it to here. We're no longer together as of now. When I asked if he wanted to talk again, he asked if I changed my stance, and I said no. That made him say we had nothing to talk about, and he said it was best to call things off. I've talked to my parents since my post, and they've been helpful with cancelling everything. My ex-fiancé didn't make cancelling difficult, but it's been really hard since. I wanted to update sooner, but I honestly wasn't in the mood I've honestly struggled to do much since the breakup, but I understand that it was for the best. I've been unable to get out of bed on some days, and I used a lot of PTO to take time off. I want to get therapy, but I've been unable to find one that accepts my insurance so far, and I don't have a full-time job. I have full-time hours some week, but hours are really inconsistent. Performing also brought in a bit of my salary too, but I haven't had the motivation to practice either. I've kinda been depressed thinking that I'll never married although I know that that's not true because I'm young. It's just been tough because it's the second time someone has sexualized me because of what I practice, and it's honestly tiring. It's all I could think about when I tried to practice recently, and I'm not sure if I should hide my passion from my next partner. I don't think I should because I shouldn't have to hide it, and the odds are probably low of the next person being the same. It's just the second time that it's happened because of contortion, and I'm open to any advice on how to get past that mindset while I'm looking for a therapist in the meantime because it's been hard to perform gigs with everything going on mentally too \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ OOP's Additional Comments: "It's a rule for myself that I made in high school, and others in my circus studio have similar ones. Depending on their apparatus, performers sometimes have separate Instagrams for their circus arts that are separate from their personal accounts because many creeps will send lewd DMs regarding our performances/flexibility, and it's fairly common to get some from time to time unfortunately I even received a lewd DM on Reddit yesterday after mentioning I practiced contortion. But my rule is basically that I don't lead with telling people I practice handbalancing/contortion because of people like my ex HS boyfriend/other lewd jokes people would make in high school too I posted here for advice because I still wanted advice, and many of the responses have been really helpful/encouraging, so I don't regret it. I still practice regardless because people will sexualize anything, but I'm still careful about who I tell and only after I know I can trust someone" "I agree and know that we have no future, and I'm glad it happened before we were married. It's just tough having a second relationship end partly because of it, and I hope that my next one doesn't view me differently because of it, so that is my hope although I doubt that too much sometimes only because of past experiences, but it's a big world too"

My(f22) Fiance(m23) gave an ultimatum to not use the gym because it makes him "insecure"

INCONCLUSIVE

throwra2982

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13z37pa/myf22_fiancem23_gave_an_ultimatum_to_not_use_the/

13z7hqv

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/[deleted] My (36m) gf (29f) won't accept I don't like to give oral sex and is starting to pressure me about it. Would it be grounds to break up? Originally posted to r/relationship_advice TRIGGER WARNING: >!sexual abuse of child!< , >!sexual coercion!< Mood spoiler: >!frustrating!< [Original Post] (https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ete1ig/my_36m_gf_29f_wont_accept_i_dont_like_to_give/)24th Jan, 2020 Ok, so basically we've been together since last April but known each other for nearly 3 years. Generally we have a great time but this is starting to become such a big thing. As my title said, I don't like or do oral sex. Not "just because" but basically I had an older babysitter when I was 7 who used to make me perform oral sex on her for a good year or so until she got caught. I've never liked it as a result, I just can't do it. I was married and my ex wife understood, and also had a long term partner who also was ok with it. FYI I did try to perform it once with my ex wife but I really hated it and had a panic attack so never did it again. We have a good sex life generally. I was honest at the start with her, and she said at the time she understood. She's started to bring it up more and more though. It actually caused an argument the first time when we were on holiday in the summer and had a few drinks - that essentially ended any sexy time for the rest of the holiday. Same as Christmas, she said it would make a nice present for her and was all sulky after. However this week was the biggest one. She sat me down and asked if there was anything she could do to change my mind. I got really defensive and said basically no, and tried to explain what happened with my ex when I tried it there. She got so angry and was astonished I've tried it since what happened to me as a kid and won't at least try for her. She's said that she thinks she's within rights to never perform oral sex on me ever again then, as if I don't do it for her she's under no obligation to do it to me right? That really pissed me off a treat. I mean I've never pressured her at all - she's always just done it for me, and actually enjoys it! If she said in all sincerity she didn't like it for any reason, and it gave her such anxiety I'd understand completely - I'm not a hypocrite. But the fact she's saying it basically as a bargaining tool just feels so shitty. One argument she had was that she's just trying to help me not be held back by my past, and do it because I want to. But the thing is, I don't want to do it! I don't know where to go from here. I do love her a lot and do see potential but I can't be done with this stress. I'd understand if we had a shit sex life but we don't, so why ruin a good thing? EDIT she rang me a bit ago asking if we could see each other later and talk. I said yes. EDIT 2 she came over and we talked - really went better than expected. We're still very much together - I'll post an update post once I'm allowed to after 48 hours. Tldr: GF is pressuring me to give her oral sex but I don't want to due to childhood abuse and she's talking about witholding it from me! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/euab48/update_my_36m_gf_29f_wont_accept_i_dont_like_to/) 26 Jan 2020 Long story - Original: /r/relationship_advice/comments/ete1ig/my_36m_gf_29f_wont_accept_i_dont_like_to_give/ Thank you to everyone who took the time to post before. Thankfully it's a happier update than I was even expecting. Basically, after reading the comments on the last post I had 2 things in mind - I needed professional help for sure and the other was that I needed to break up with her as I couldn't give her what she wants and would probably always resent her for how she's been acting. So she rang in the day and asked if she could come around last night and talk and I said definitely, yes. When she did, I said I wanted to clear up first and foremost I never ever have expected to receive oral sex from her, and I'm sorry for the way I reacted when she said she might stop giving me oral. I explained I felt defensive because of how she went about it, and I'd never want her to do anything she's uncomfortable with - if she wanted to stop, I 100% support her. I said I could see how I appear hypocritical. She apologized to me, and said admittedly she said it in anger/frustration and I was right, it was to try and pressure me into giving it to her and admitted that's why she started giving me oral in the first place, and started to get resentful after she realised I wasn't going to reciprocate. She also apologised for how she acted when I told her how I had a panic attack with my ex when I tried oral on her, she had time to think about it and realised she really dropped the ball on it. I said yeah, that really upset me a lot and was honest with her how about how it affected me in the past - I said basically my ex really felt bad about the fact I had a panic attack and it stopped her initiating sex for a while because she felt rejected, and it really got to me - I felt guilty because I let her down like that. And I stressed I love her too much to want to upset her like that. She really apologised again and said she had no idea it could affect someone like that. So basically I said my conclusion was that I needed professional help - definitely therapy for sure. And I couldn't promise that even if I got it, I would ever want to give her oral sex. I asked her if she would ever be ok in all honesty if I never gave it to her and she was candid and said no, it is important to her. So I said as much as I love her, I think we should split up. She got so upset, and asked why I think it's the best option and I mentioned my post and all the advice I got. She asked to see it and was stunned by the comments. The posts saying how she was acting got to her most, and she admitted she's not really looked at herself through neutral eyes. Her friends all say I'm selfish, we should split up etc so to read some of the criticism on here really made her think. She said to me she was so sorry, and pleaded with me to reconsider. She also said in response to one comment I had saved where she should come to a therapist with me to see how her actions are actually bringing out some PTSD in me that she never considered that before, and asked me if I would be willing to do that with her? Definitely yes, I think that would be a good idea. So basically after everything we're still very much together. We've agreed I need therapy for the abuse, and we're going to look into couples counseling to work on us. No oral sex for either until we address the issue and we can then re-evaluate in the long run. She liked the top post with the sex toy suggestions, and is actually buying one or two herself so we can try them out! The Satisfyer I believe was 1 of them. Oh she stayed over, and we had some amazing make up sex! Really kinky, lots of orgasms all around. She's staying over again tonight, but has said to mention on here she's really grateful for the comments before and you helped her as much as you helped me. In fact it was her idea to do an update in the first place! So from both of us, thank you so much! TL:DR - We talked, both apologised and realized we need help. She read the original and took the advice onboard and we're getting couples and individual therapy. **REMINDER I'M NOT THE OP**

My (36m) gf (29f) won't accept I don't like to give oral sex and is starting to pressure me about it. Would it be grounds to break up?

CONCLUDED

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13z7hqv/my_36m_gf_29f_wont_accept_i_dont_like_to_give/

13zgozk

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/ThrowawayMeanboss\*\*. She posted in\*\* r/TwoXChromosomes Trigger warning: >!Infidelity, stalking, manipulation!< Mood spoiler: >!Sickening!< \--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [A guy I met at a work event out of town won't stop bothering me](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/13dpy69/a_guy_i_met_at_a_work_event_out_of_town_wont_stop/) \- May 10, 2023 ​Hello, I created a throwaway so that I can share it anonymously. Around 10 months ago, I (25F) went on my first work related trip to a different city. There I met Jerry (43M). I know there is a huge age gap but I know myself. I am generally into older guys. I met him at the hotel lobby I was staying. He asked me out on a coffee. I said yes. He was really charismatic. I was blushing the entire time. We spent a good weekend together (no sex btw). We did kiss multiple times. He gave me his number and he didn't wanted to add me on social media because he said he doesn't use it. He did give me an Instagram ID to contact. This really made me a bit suspicious. I had this gut feeling that something about him was not right. So, I decided to search and do some background work. I tried to search him on facebook and other social media but I hit a wall. I remembered that he gave me a business card. It was a card from his company. I also asked for a friend's help to find something on him. I don't know. I was just adamant of finding some dirt on him. Eventually we did find some interesting facts. That jerk is married with 2 kids. I saw his kids. One is about 16-17 another one is around 10-11. I wanted to throw up. I know my own sister tried to kill herself because her boyfriend cheated on her. I know the pain even if it is second handed. I cut off all contact with him. I blocked his number. Few weeks after I totally ghosted him, I saw him at the parking lot of my office. He knew where I worked. Again my fault because I told him where I worked. He asked me why I didn't return his calls and blocked him on everything. I screamed at him, called him a liar. I told him I knew he was married, he had kids, in fact his oldest son is closer to my brother's age. This is really disgusting. He broke down crying and begging me to not leave him. He kept ranting how unhappy he is in his marriage. He just wanted someone to love him and when he saw me he fell in love with me and he wants to be with me. I told him this is not possible. He is married. I cannot do this to a woman. Even if I don't know her I have a decency to not ruin someone's marriage and forever be known as a homewrecker. He kept begging. I had to threaten him that I would shout so that people can throw him out. His calling and stalking didn't stop. I asked a friend and coworker of mine to escort me to my car because I was so afraid that Jerry would come towards me. He sent me messages after messages saying he was sorry. That he can be a better man if I am with him. I had to deactivate my social media for a while. For like 5 months it was calm and quiet. I had no issue. Then again I get a message in my email from Jerry saying that he has divorced his wife for my sake. And since he is not with his wife now, he and I can be together. I was really creeped out by this. I told him over and over again I do not want him. His harassment didn't stop. He threatened to ruin my career, he blamed me for ruining his marriage because I made a move on him. It is not true. He was the one who approached me first. I was just a little friendly with him. If I knew he was married back then, I would never ever reciprocated to his flirting. I feel lost. I keep blaming myself that maybe all of this won't happen if I had not been friendly with him. I also don't want him to ruin my career. But I am scared for my life. Edit: I think I should mention I am not from USA. The police in my area are corrupt. Jerry is in a very high position in his company. He can easily ruin my career. I am collecting evidence because of his harassment. *Some asked if he is lying about the divorce and moving away:* **OOP replies:** Actually I don't know if he is just divorced or just separated. He told me he left his wife for me as if it will impress me. And I thought about moving but it is scary because right here I have my family and friends. If I move to a new place he might come there as well and I would have no support. *Some advised to block him:* **OOP replies:** He is blocked everywhere. I even changed my number. I also opened a private social media account that no one knows. (I need social media for work too). But still he finds a way to pop up in my life. &#x200B; [My stalker's wife wants to contact me. Should I go?](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/13qoeix/my_stalkers_wife_wants_to_contact_me_should_i_go/) \- 24 May 2023 Hi, couple of weeks ago I posted here asking for help. A guy I met on a work trip lied about being single. He has a wife and kids too. He has been stalking me. He told me he left his family for me so I should be with him because he made a big sacrifice for me. I have decided to file a restraining order. But these things take time in my country. But I have my dad and uncle with me. They are helping me find a new place and probably a new job. As soon as I can serve him with restraining order I can be relieved. But I am afraid it will work or not because he seems mad. His messages have been reduced because I threatened to call his wife. But the problem is yesterday, his wife emailed me and said that she wants to meet me. She said in details that she knows that her husband has some connection with me. I have never met this woman in my life. I don't know why she wants to meet me. I am guessing she wants to talk. But then again he told me he left his wife. Then how did his wife knew my information or even my email? If I meet her my stalker could know I talked to his wife. I am really scared about my life. What should I do? A part of me thinks that she might help me with my case. Has anyone ever been in my position? *People saying that is not his wife. That is him:* **OOP replies:** I know there is a chance that could be him. But the woman seems desperate. She told me she found something about her husband and wanted to warn me. Idk how much of it is true. &#x200B; [Update on stalker's wife](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/13t892t/update_on_the_stalkers_wife_wanting_to_meet_me/) \- 27 May 2023 So, I took your advice and didn't went to see her. We had couple of email exchange. I told her clearly under no circumstances I want to meet someone who I cannot trust. Whatever she has to say she can say it in my email. She understood. I thought she would be oppose this idea. She told me she has been having doubts about her husband for a long time. So, she hired someone to keep an eye on him. There she found out he has been having affair with multiple women. The first time he did this she forgave him but this time he is only stuck on me. She said that she found some pictures of me on his laptop. She shared a file which contained some pictures of me coming out of my office, me going to the gym, me going out to eat. I was shaking. I was in a very emotionally vulnerable state after seeing that I cannot be safe in my own life. I felt like I am being watched even now I am typing this. Imagine being a prisoner in your own house. I ended up telling the wife to have a zoom meet for 5 minutes. I used a disposable account and just for extra safety I had the zoom call on a public space along with a friend. (I do not trust anyone at this point). I gave her some condition that I will not be showing my face, if she wants to show her face to me then fine, it is up to her. I saw her for the first time. She looked like the woman I saw in Jerry's picture with his wife and kids. She was basically crying and telling me she had made a huge mistake. She should have left that time and now he is bringing shame to her as well. I didn't say much, just the story of how me and Jerry met. Also Jerry lied. He didn't leave his wife. He was not separated from her. But I am sure he will be now. I feel so exposed. I can't believe this is happening to me. I always saw this happen in movies. I am moving in with my cousin because I do not feel safe anymore. I wish I never met him. I feel disgusted that I kissed him and I hugged him. I don't think any amount of shower is enough to wash all of that away. Also I feel guilty that I broke a family too. Thanks for listening to my vent. I don't think I will update anymore until I get the restraining order. &#x200B; **OOP's last reply:** Tbh I do not feel safe at all. This guy has been stalking me for god knows how long. I cannot even go to my office without any escorts. In a perfect world I would have him locked up for life. &#x200B; **I am not OP. I wish her all the best and hope she gets rid of that stalker.**

OOP unknowingly dates a married man but he turned out to be a stalker.

ONGOING

None

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13zgozk/oop_unknowingly_dates_a_married_man_but_he_turned/

13zhjhz

Originally posted by u/psychologicalmind407 in r/AmItheAsshole on May 25, '23 updated on May 27, '23. Note: A *thot* is an acronym for *That Ho Over There*. &nbsp; Trigger Warning: >!Mention of Cheating!< --- &nbsp; **[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13rh62c/aita_for_returning_a_birthday_gift_i_got_for_my/)** May 25, '23 &nbsp; AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my boyfriend after he insulted me about my “colorful” past? This happened last night but my phone is still blowing up. I F(26) dipped into my savings and got Mike, my boyfriend (27) a PS5 for his birthday yesterday. He knew he was getting the PS5 because he told me that the PS5 is the only thing he wants. We’ve been together for 4 years so the cost didn’t matter. That is until, I found out what he thinks about me. Some background: When I was 18, I was involved with Jake, a guy who I met online. We ended things after 3 months, and I moved on shortly after with Adam, a guy from work. I found out a couple months later that Jake and Adam were actually really close friends but I didn’t know Jake long enough to meet his friend group, so I had no idea. After finding out, I took some time off dating and two years later, I met my current boyfriend Mike. I was upfront and honest with Mike about my past and the fact that I was unintentionally involved with friends. He said he understood and my past didn’t bother him. Last night at his party, I showed up with the PS5 and him and his friends were screaming with joy. His best female friend Jessica laughed and said “I wish I was a thot so I could afford a PS5 too.” I looked at her with an “excuse me?” Look on my face and she just said “nevermind” and walked away. I confronted my boyfriend about it and he said and I quote “she’s just messing with you. You can’t take a joke?” So I pushed further as to why this girl is even calling me names to begin with and he said “well, everyone knows you were a thot before you met me.” I asked him to explain how I was a thot before him and he said “you know…messing with best friends?” He then pat me on the shoulder and said that it’s okay because I’m not who I was back then and if he could get over my “colourful past” and “thot mentalities” to give me a chance, then I could get over Jessica’s comments and give her another chance. I didn’t say anything. I just got up. Took the PS5 from the gift table and left. He was PISSED. He literally called me like 20 times, but I didn’t care. I was so hurt that I took the bow off and took it straight back to the store I got it from. They happily refunded it. I thought that was done but Mike and all his friends including Jessica are berating me for being petty and they’re all saying I brought this on myself by making poor choices. I responded to Mike and told him that he deserves better than me so find someone who wasn’t a “thot” and get the PS5 from them because I returned it. He started screaming how I’m “the biggest AH” for returning it and how I should be happy he ignored my “colourful past.” I’m thinking maybe taking it back went too far. AITA? &nbsp; *In the comments:* >NTA. Give him the keys to the curb. >Also- dollars to dildos he's cheating with Jessica. >>Or shes a jealous female friend who wishes she was with him. But seems like they are close enough that they name-call his gf behind her back so you’re probably right >>>If they haven't- Jessica wants to at the very least. >NTA. Nothing about your past is even colorful. Omg you dated 2 guys that happened to be friends, good heavens, where are my pearls?! I must clutch them! Sounds like Jessica is either sleeping with this fool, or wants to be. She can have him. Use the money to get yourself something nice. *Judgment: Not the Asshole* &nbsp; **[Update](https://www.reddit.com/user/PsychologicalMind407/comments/13t9r4a/update_aita_for_returning_a_birthday_gift_i_got/)** May 27, '23 &nbsp; Firstly, thank you all for the support! I really appreciate it and I’m trying my best to respond to each of you. Turns out, you guys were right. But, we’ll get into that. Firstly, I unblocked Mike this morning and called him to talk. After a few hours of arguing, I finally got the truth out of him. He said after I told him about my past, he was fine with it because it happened before him. Then, he got curious about who Jake and Adam were. So, he went digging on my Facebook friend list and didn’t find Jake but he found Adam. He then condemned me for having an ex on my social media page. I said I don’t speak to the majority of people on my Facebook but I wouldn’t delete them, I just won’t engage. He said that in his eyes, that was a red flag so he went digging - and he found what he was looking for. He saw that Adam was well known and well liked by a lot of women because of all the women liking and commenting on his posts - and by the cars and trips he posted prior, he knew that Adam had to be well off. He also admitted to knowing some of the women who were in Adam’s comments. He then tried digging into Adam’s friend list but it was hidden. So he asked Jessica to stalk his likes, comments, and posts for a “Jake.” Sure enough, they found Jake. Saw that Jake drove an expensive car and came to the conclusion that I only date men with money. Note: Mike doesn’t have money so his entire analysis was dumb. Anyway… I asked him why he just didn’t come to me and he confessed that for a while, he thought I was interested in Jake & Adam for money because that’s what “women do.” He then said that him and Jessica brought this situation up to his guy friends and they all agreed that this is how the situation went: I was dating Jake, he introduced me to Adam, I found out Adam had more money than Jake, I left Jake to sleep with Adam - then started dating him. I questioned why would I leave Adam if I was with him for Money…and he said he thought that was a lie and Adam had to be the one to leave me. Ouch. He then said that he contemplated breaking up with me over this for months but as he got to know me, he slowly realized I am not that kind of person. I told him that he’s basically full of shit for dirtying my name with his friends - then I asked him why he didn’t clear up my name. He said whenever he brought me up they all dismissed me as a gold digger, thot, a woman who slept with men for money - and here’s the kicker - probably still have some of that money saved. They came to the conclusion that I must be with Mike for some ulterior motive - but he was “too embarrassed” to defend me. He also said that he was embarrassed every time I mentioned a male friend or tagged any guy on social media because they all teased him afterwards. I remember him asking me to not like any other man’s photos on social media and to not tag any guys but I just thought it’s because it made him uncomfortable. Not because his friends were silently stalking me. After hearing all of this, I decided to end things with Mike. I told him that he’s not a nice person, and I can’t trust him anymore - especially because he knew I was saving for months to afford the PS5, and he allowed his friends to think that I got my money somewhere else. After ending it, I said “oh by the way, have you ever slept with Jessica?” He said no, but after she found Jake, she suggested that they hook up if he ever needs to “get back at me” in the future. I asked what she meant by “getting back at me,” and he said she was certain I would cheat on him with a wealthier man if I found one. He then said that he gave me the truth after all these years, so I should forgive him and give him another chance. But, I didn’t. I just thanked him for the good times, the memories, and for dirtying my name - then I hung up and blocked him again. Now, I think I’ll take another long break from the dating world. Thanks again everyone! &nbsp; **Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.**

AITA for returning a birthday gift I got for my boyfriend after he insulted me about my “colorful” past?

CONCLUDED

KittenDealinMama

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13zhjhz/aita_for_returning_a_birthday_gift_i_got_for_my/

13zp4m3

**I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA13013 in r/relationship_advice** trigger warnings: none mood spoilers: >!unexpected, somewhere between slightly bizarre and funny!< --- &nbsp; [**My [26M] girlfriend [24F] is acting weird and hiding things from me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/jvz0g6/my_26m_girlfriend_24f_is_acting_weird_and_hiding/) - Nov 17, 2020 Hello, obligatory english isn't my first language and I'm on mobile, sorry TLDR can be found at the end. My girlfriend [24F] and me [26M] live together since some months now, after the first lockdown we decided we didn't want to spend so many months apart anymore, and we knew a new lockdown was on its way so we began living together (perfect idea as we are now on lockdown, again). Also, we are together since nearly 4 years now. Everything is going very smoothly, we are best friends and living together is a real pleasure. But some things are... weird. She sometimes seems very fishy, like some days ago she looked guilty of something, went in the kitchen, passed by the living room to go to our room and I saw she was hiding something behind her back, i jokingly asked what it was, she said "nothing". I began laughing and asked again but she got angry, and ran to our room to lock herself in, I saw what she had in her hands was.. a fork? Just a fork, a simple fork. Can't be mistaken. She did this twice this month, the first time i bumped into her and she was hiding two spoons behind her back, then she ran away to our room. I asked her after this happened, why does she hide those things, and she said it is none of my business, every couple has their secrets. I accepted it but... why spoons and forks ? Also, I can see her sometimes doing the same thing but from our room to the kitchen, simply taking those back to their place. I never see those in our room though. TLDR: my girlfriend takes spoons and forks to our room, but she hides them from me when doing so. Why ? &nbsp; [**UPDATE: My [26M] girlfriend [24F] is acting weird and hiding things from me**](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/k42of4/update_my_26m_girlfriend_24f_is_acting_weird_and/) - Nov 30, 2020 TLDR from original post: My girlfriend takes cutlery in our room sneakily and then takes them back to the kitchen, just as sneakily. Doesn't want to tell me why. Update TLDR at the end. Not much people saw my original post but if those who did see it wanted an update on it: here it is and oh boy, what an update. After posting, I was scared. Was my girlfriend doing drugs behind my back, did she have an eating disorder ? Should I try to press for more answers, should I put a camera ? Should I take her by surprise and enter the room when she's in there alone ? I decided to seat her down and talk, we communicate well, never argue when doing so, usually. But this time, even if I was the sweetest I have ever been, she got angry, really angry. "Stop asking about it, no is no, you won't get an answer about it." She got cold after that, for days. Didn't talk to me anymore. Reddit scared me with the drugs and eating disorder comments, so I decided to put a camera in our room. I quickly saw what she was doing with them and it confused me even more. She just put them in a plastic bag, she put in a backpack of hers that she then proceeded to put in our dresser. After seeing that I looked for the backpack in our dresser, and there it was, cutlery, a pan, and a plate. I was even more confused. More questions than answers at that point. So I sat her down, again. I took the backpack and opened it in front of her and asked again. She got angry, really angry, then she cried, then she went away "for a walk". She sent me a message two hours later to tell me she was at her sister's and would come back when she felt ready. She came back two days later because she had to work and had no other choice anyway. Then it was her time to seat me down and finally tell me what was up. She was fidgeting and nearly crying, but also laughing, and she said: "I know it's stupid but I just hate washing the dishes." I asked her what she meant. "I am sorry for the way I acted about it all, but I was embarrassed to tell you the truth. I hate washing the dishes, and when it's my turn to do so, I take some of the dishes away, hide them, and when it's your turn to wash the dishes I put them back, so I have less to wash" It made sense, our rule is "Whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes". I always thought since she cooks fancy meals, that's why I always had to wash so many dishes. At that point I just laughed because wtf ? But it was also incredibly funny somehow. I decided to tell her about the camera, she was offended at first then laughed it off, she said she deserved it and would probably have done the same. Showed her the first post and she apologised for letting me worry so much for so little. All is well that ends well, it's a nice story to be honest, no grudge, just a funny story to tell people in some years, for now she's still way too embarrassed about it, as expected. From now on I will always wash the dishes and she will take care of the laundry ! EDIT: Just editing because people are blowing it out of proportions, I won't dump her over this, it's less worse than you believe. It's just a childish thing, I caught her hiding once and she thought it was too late to go back and she went with it until I found out what she was doing. She got angry because she was embarrassed, she is an anxious person, some things are hard for her, it just happens, it's 0.1% of who she actually is. I don't see things through rose colored glasses, I am very down to earth and see things as they are: a mistake, yes it made me do more dishes but what is one more plate and spoon ? Also, we used to alternate, one day was me, one day was her, she never actually put dishes for long in the backpack, and it also was in a plastic bag then in the backpack, as you would take your lunch for work. She is a human, not a simple post on reddit TLDR: She hates washing dishes and would put them away when it was her time to wash them and put them back in the sink when it was my turn so I would wash them &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My [26M] girlfriend [24F] is acting weird and hiding things from me

CONCLUDED

raphman

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13zp4m3/my_26m_girlfriend_24f_is_acting_weird_and_hiding/

13zqr9s

**I am NOT OP. Original post by Ask A Manager** trigger warnings: >!rumor mongering!< mood spoilers: >!Happy!< --- &nbsp; [**My Employee Started a False Rumor that two Coworkers were having an Affair**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/01/my-employee-started-a-rumor-that-two-coworkers-were-having-an-affair.html) - January 27th 2021 I am a manager of a handful of front line managers. One manager in particular, let’s call her Emily, approached me the other day to tell me that one of the receptionists, Jane, came to her office and told her there was a rumor going around the office that Emily was potentially having an affair with a new male coworker, John. Jane then told Emily in no uncertain terms that she expected the behavior to stop. The behavior being that they joke around with each other. Emily immediately began to investigate where the rumor was coming from and found it actually originated with Jane. She went through a rough couple of days when she just felt completely blindsided and sick about the whole thing. She is happily married and so is John. I have seen them interact many times and it’s only ever seemed like two colleagues who banter back and forth together. I have never seen or heard anything that would raise concern. I have worked with Emily and John for a long time and their character is above reproach. I am not concerned at all that there’s anything to the rumor. Jane has been at the center of office gossip before. In fact, before she was concerned that Emily and John were having an affair she felt like another coworker and John were getting “too close.” I have heard for the last few months that Jane feels she would be a better manager than Emily, and I wonder if this is her way of trying to get rid of Emily. I have never wanted Jane to be a manager. She has never shown in her attitude and behavior that she would be good at it, so she isn’t on my radar when it comes to any kind of succession planning. I plan on speaking with Jane about unprofessional behavior and the company policy about not gossiping and I plan on giving her an official warning on this subject. Is there anything else I can do? How should I word my conversation with her? And, can I in this same conversation tell her that she will never be a manager under my downline? Or would that just be piling on? Alison's advice has not been included per subreddit guidelines. [**updates: the false affair rumor, the coworker ripping artwork down, and more**](https://www.askamanager.org/2021/06/updates-the-false-affair-rumor-the-coworker-ripping-artwork-down-and-more.html) - June 9th 2021 When Emily (manager) told me what had happened I did ask her how she wanted to handle it. We discussed our options and decided it was just time for Jane to go. She had gossip issues in the past that she was disciplined for. We knew it would take a bit of time to manage her out but that was the plan. Because this was urgent, I spoke to Jane (the trouble maker) the very next day and said similar things to what Alison recommended. I don’t interact daily with Emily’s team as I have other locations I am responsible for, but I have a reputation for generally being easy going. I think when I spoke to Jane she was surprised at how matter of fact and assertive I was, there was no friendly banter. I told her that what she had done was completely unacceptable and that her behavior would not be allowed in the office. I discussed with her how rumors of this nature can destroy reputations and careers and Emily and I no longer trusted her. I did tell her that she had a long uphill battle of gaining trust back in the office and that all the effort in the world may never result in trust being restored. She was upset at this point, not angry (which is what I expected) but she was crying (not at all what I expected). I asked her if she thought she felt she could earn back the trust that was broken and if she felt she could move forward. She said she had been looking at other jobs and said that “maybe she should quit”. I told her that would be up to her but I encouraged her to do so. She decided that would be best. I wasn’t interested in having her work her last two weeks, so I had her write a letter of resignation, let her gather her things and that was that. I did process her out as though she gave two weeks so she wouldn’t lose all her vacation time that we pay out when proper notice is given. I thought for sure she would be combative in the meeting and I thought she would argue with me, I was surprised by the outcome but glad I didn’t have to go through the couple week process of managing her out officially. I found out Jane got a new job a couple weeks later… as a manager. Maybe someday “Ask A Manager” will get a letter from one of her new team members about their less than stellar boss. No one ever called to ask for a reference so let that be a lesson. After a couple of months, we heard from another staff member that Jane was telling people how angry she was that when she said she would quit that we didn’t try to talk her out of it. She didn’t understand why we just let her go. &nbsp; **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

My Employee Started a False Rumor that two Coworkers were having an Affair

EXTERNAL

InuGhost

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13zqr9s/my_employee_started_a_false_rumor_that_two/

13zzxoz

Hi. I'm OOP, and I asked a moderator if it'd be okay to post here once more, and this will be my last update before I move out in hopefully a couple of weeks. I made another post last week because my sister asked to talk to me again when my parents weren't home, and it was about something my parents didn't tell me. She said it wasn't the weird thing dad said to her from my last update, but something different that has me really concerned and needing help. Dad is forcing her to have a gymnastics birthday party that she doesn't want to have (she just wants cake after dinner at home), and I really need advice because he wants to invite her friends who know nothing about his temptation. I'll go more in-detail in my latest update at the very bottom, the seventh update TW: >!Sexual abuse!< Mood: >!Frustrating still!< **When formatting my post, I hit the 4000 word limit with my seventh update, so I will add a link to my previous BORU post that has all 6 previous updates in it** [First 6 Updates](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/12vun8r/new_update_im_oop_myf17_parents_are_pulling_me/) [Seventh Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/13ufexf/final_update_myf17_parents_are_pulling_me_out_of/): May 28th, 2023 (New Update) I know I previously said that a prior update would be my last, but this will be my last until I hopefully move out, and I think I've gotten more than enough help to be able to. I turn 18 this summer, and a lot of people gave advice on how to get my documents (SSN & birth certificate) from school, and I was able to talk to my teacher about the advice I received. She's agreed to help me with my documents. I want to make this post about something else my sister told me, and last time she said dad was telling her "weird things" in my post, but she didn't tell me what they were. As I said last time, mom and dad don't want us talking to each other, and they'll say something if they see us. Mom also put up cameras that are annoying too, and I talked about it in previous posts. I don't get to talk to her much unless one of them has a church meeting or something else they're doing together. I can't even make phone calls at home because if they hear me talking, they'll come to my room and ask who it is and want to see my phone and threaten to turn it off if I don't tell them. However, I was able to talk to her again, and she told me something else that really bothered me. However, she said it wasn't the weird thing about dad from last time, but it was still enough for me to make a post I got to talk to her because mom and dad went out for a bit. And for context, mom has cameras in the living room, family room, upstairs, and kitchen. The upstairs one points to our bedroom doors, but not inside, and the cameras are connected to an app on mom and dad's phones. She asked if we could talk, and I went to her room after they left. They talked to me about it the next day because they saw that I went into her room on the camera, but I didn't care because she wanted to talk to me. I'll get to that talk with my parents later Getting back to my sister, she told me that mom and dad talked to her about having a gymnastics birthday party in a few months, and her birthday is after I turn 18 and would hopefully be out of the home. They said they're debating having a party at the gym, but they also might have it at our home because we have a pool and it'd be in the backyard. They also said they might have the party at the gym where they'd have fun for a few hours before coming back to the home for the pool/food, but they were throwing ideas around. However, my sister doesn't want a gymnastics party. But when she said that, they told her that they were paying for it and that she should be thankful she was getting anything. As a reminder, mom and dad said I'm not getting a party when I turn 18, and they also didn't give me a 16th birthday party because I wanted to get vaccinated in my first post over two years ago because getting vaccinated "wasn't trusting God" Going back to my sister, I'm very disturbed for obvious reasons. In my last post when I asked why dad had to go to the gym instead of letting me/my sister carpool with friends if he had "temptation in the gym environment", he said it was because Jesus "went into the desert to overcome temptation, so he had to go to the gym to overcome his". Now he wants to have a gymnastics party for my sister that she doesn't want herself. She said she didn't want to do anything for her birthday besides have cake at home, but they're forcing her to have a gymnastics party when dad admits he struggles in the gym environment. My gymnastics coach and I were training for a gymnastics scholarship/college team with private/group lessons before I was taken out of gymnastics for his nonsense, and I'm horrified that he's pushing for a gymnastics party after everything's he done. There will be other kids at this party who are forced to be around him who have no idea about his "temptation", and their parents have no clue either. It's worse that he's hosting the party with mom supporting it, and I won't be here when it happens because I'll already be moved out hopefully I cannot tell you how much I hate dad. College gymnastics is out of the picture for me because I told grandma about his temptation (before he told me to not tell anyone), and he basically ruined that dream. Then he fasts for two weeks from watching my younger sister's class at the gym before saying he "learned new strategies" to make him stronger before returning to the gym for her classes. Then he said she wouldn't be taken out of gymnastics unlike me because of it (I'm glad she's not being forced to quit, but disgusted that he's using her class as an overcoming temptation test). I feel like his whole fasting nonsense was to make an excuse to go to the gym "changed" after showing no effort to improve himself. He didn't want anyone to know as he punished me for telling grandma, and he said that therapy wasn't necessary for his struggle. I even talked to mom since my last post about why she doesn't see what's wrong with dad, and she said that "many father's probably deal with the same feelings at the gym but don't admit it like dad" to improve. She also said that gymnastics is "easy for people to lust at because it's a sport", but that dad did a "big thing instead of hiding his sin like other people". She also said that "other men who come to watch their kids at gymnastics struggle with the same thing but don't admit it", and she said that that was why dad did a "big thing" by admitting it and working on himself. She also said that most men "wouldn't care about gymnastics compared to other sports unless they had kids in it or wanted to watch girls dressed inappropriately (in their uniforms) in a socially accepted setting". But when I said it was hypocritical of her to let dad go if she thinks the uniforms are inappropriate, she said the nonsense about "be in the world, not of the world" and pointed to how dad fasted to allow my sister to continue (added this last bit from my comments in my original post for context here) I've been told to grey rock, and I completely agree. The only reason I talked to mom after she confronted me about going into my sister's room when they were gone was to ask for her help. I know she's like talking to a wall, and I grey rock my dad. I just want her help so bad, but I'm convinced after our last talk that she never will (although I knew that long before but wanted to try). My sister also said she's not allowed to wear her uniform at home because mom made the rule, and that means she has to wear pants and a jacket over her leotard. I tried to tell mom just how wrong that was when we talked, but she gave me the shit about how we're supposed to "be in the world, not of the world" and "make adjustments to help everyone". Dad also drives her to gymnastics by himself sometimes, and that really makes me disgusted. I asked my sister if it was okay to ask mom about the gymnastics party, but she said no because she didn't want to get in trouble for telling me, so I didn't bring it up and told her that we spoke about the jacket rule insteadI promise this is my last post before I move out, but I really need help with this. I think it's dangerous for everyone invited to the party to be around dad at the gym and at home. Dad literally said he struggles with gymnastics uniforms/leotards, and mom always made us wear a skirt and t-shirt over our bathing suit years before dad took me out of gymnastics. The kids at the party would probably be wearing some sort of uniform at the gym and bathing suit at our home for the pool, and that has me horrified with dad. I want to do something because I won't be able to do anything once I leave, and I'm worried that something could happen to someone there who suspects nothing. **My sister doesn't want this party. My parents are forcing her to have it because THEY want to have it** I have a few ideas, but I'm hoping to get more. **Some have suggested to call the FBI. Would I have enough to get their help based on the information my sister told me about the party along with dad's openness about his temptation. Others also suggested telling the parents of her class about his temptation, but my parents would be at her class which would make it really hard. I could try to go to the gym and do it anyway if it'll protect them, but I want to ask for other suggestions first because that could maybe hurt my chances of leaving if they get upset. I'm willing to do it to prevent something from happening, but I want to explore all options before that. I've called CPS over 6 times for myself over the years, and that's not including my teacher calling and my aunt numerous times too for nothing to happen. Would the police be able to help with this?** I just want to prevent anything bad from happening there, and I'm sorry for this post being so long. I really appreciate everyone who has helped me so far, and I promise that this is the last one until I move out. I'll spell out the suggestions/ideas I have so far below in an easier way to read. I would appreciate anyone who helps answers these questions... 1. **Call the FBI** (I think a few people left links on how to do it, but I don't know if I have enough information for them to take dad/the party seriously) 2. **Call the gym and tell them about dad** (others have said that this could get dad banned, but what if dad decides to have the party at a different gymnastics gym? Also, the gym probably wouldn't tell the other parents that dad was banned, so dad could still invite the kids to another gym/our home for his party which leads me to my third question...) 3. **Tell the parents in her class at her class** (my parents would be there at practice with the other parents, but someone suggested pulling a parent aside in the bathroom/somewhere to talk even if my parents are there because it'd make them look bad if they tried to stop me. I would have to leave home to go to the gym despite the cameras, but this may be my only way to guarantee that the parents know about dad's temptation IF THE GYM DOESN'T TELL THEM AND JUST DECIDE TO BAN DAD FROM THE GYM. THIS WOULD BE THE ONLY WAY TO GUARANTEE THAT THEY KNOW 4. **Wait to call the gym/tell the parents after I move out** (someone suggested this option when I posted last week to not jeopardize me moving out, so I'll include it here) \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ **About CPS from my previous post:** I keep getting told that I haven't called CPS enough, so I want to clarify how many times I've called. I was 15 when I made my first post, and I was advised to tell a teacher about dad. I've talked to this teacher a lot since then, and she called when I was 15. My aunt also called CPS when I was 15ish, and I was advised to call myself. I called at 15 & 16 numerous times, and my aunt has too. I think we probably called CPS about 7 or 8 times between me, my aunt, and my teacher, and nothing has happened because dad never touched me, and people have explained that he hasn't technically done anything illegal either. I also told everything I mentioned in my posts, and I believe it'll help with keeping a paper trail in case he escalates as others have advised **Generally consensus from this post so far seems to be to not do anything do jeopardize moving out, so I will likely wait until after I move out to do anything about the party after a lot of advice I received. I'm still open to suggestions of what to do after I move out to try and stop the party**

(New Update; I'm OOP) My(f17) parents are pulling me out of dance because it's causing dad to "stumble in his walk with God"

NEW UPDATE

throwrathem22

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13zzxoz/new_update_im_oop_myf17_parents_are_pulling_me/

1400aod

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/No_Buy_4881. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warning:** >!ummm... nonconsensual lactation kink?!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!yikes on fucking bikes!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13tzwtx/aita_for_calling_fil_a_pervert/)**: May 28, 2023** I have a 7 month old baby boy, I'm breastfeeding but baby is currently weaning. I'm convinced that my FIL is being weird about my breastfeeding and not in a "that makes me uncomfortable" way. I made the baby popsicles from my boob milk a few months ago and FIL put in the group chat that "I'd love to try one of those" with a hearts as eyes emoji. I said "WTF they're made from breast milk" and he said he didn't notice that caption. Today I baked the baby some muffins. It's a recipe that called for a half cup of breast milk so I made them per recipe. FIL came over unannounced and said "oh yum, someone's been baking" so I told him "those muffins are for the baby, they're just fruit, flour and breast milk. I have a normal cake we can have". I then left the room to wash my hands, came back and one of the muffins was missing. I asked husband and he had no idea so I asked FIL and he said that he ate it. I said that's disgusting, I told him they were the babies and contained breast milk. He doubled down and said it's ok because "breast milk is vegan" (note, no one in this story is vegan). I told him he's a creepy pervert and to get the fuck out my house. Husband is baffled by the whole thing and was convinced it was a misunderstanding even though I explicitly said they're made with breast milk. FIL said I'm a dick because I'd made loads and the baby wouldn't miss out. MIL was blowing up my phone until I asked her if she was really ok with FIL drinking milk that came direct from my breast, I think she didn't get the whole story. My sisters say it's fucking gross and FIL is a weirdo. ***Relevant Comments:*** *Lots of comments (and judgements) on what recipes she is using/why she would be:* "It's definitely not completely out the realms of normal when it comes to baby weaning. If you look up BLW recipes a lot of them use breast milk and advise you can use formula instead (but we don't have formula in the house)." "[https://mummytodex.com/banana-and-kiwi-muffins-for-babies/](https://mummytodex.com/banana-and-kiwi-muffins-for-babies/) We haven't introduced eggs yet so we just do extra bananas. We also sub out the kiwi for whatever other fruit we have lying around (weaning is so much waste!) and never had them turn out bad." *Use formula:* "Baby has CMPA **(editor's note: Cow's milk protein allergy)** and I'm anaphylactic to nuts so we can't have most substitutes in the house. I've tried water before but it isn't thick enough and I don't want to double up oil." "I'm not buying oat milk to go off (it's only 1/2 cup for the recipe) when the whole point is to reduce food waste." *Homelander?* *"I have no idea what homelander is, if it's on TV then it will have passed me right by. I only get screen time when baby is feeding and I don't enjoy watching shows on my phone screen"* ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update (Same Post): 8 hours later** I asked my husband what he thought I was mad about (he was in the room but on the other side and occupied with the baby) and he said he didn't realise that his dad actually ate the muffin, he thought I was pissed because he was messing with them. He also didn't remember the group chat incident but agreed that both incidents together is creepy. I called MIL to "clear the air" and she revealed that FIL has always been "very interested" in lactation and she actually only fed husband for 4 months and always behind a locked door! Apparently he moved jobs after a woman complained that he kept intruding on her pumping in a designated space in the office I've told them FIL is not welcome around me and have asked for the key to our house back. I shared the concerns about him tampering with my milk (and contaminating it) and also that if his own wife wanted him locked out then I'm entitled to that too. The comment that hit my husband was the one about FIL getting off for years on the memory of eating the gross AF baby muffin. Husband said he won't be able to look FIL in the eye again. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More on MIL:* "I wouldn't say MIL is on my side, she told me this information in a way that sounded like it was totally normal for a man to need to be locked away from women when they're feeding babies and I kind of brought this on myself for not locking him out.I am actually really creeped that he's possibly been able to perv on me feeding at their house. I go to another room but I've never felt comfortable, guess they'll need to wait until the baby is fully weaned until we visit there again (if we ever do)." *To clarify- did MIL feed FIL for months behind a locked door???* "No, she fed my infant husband. My FIL creeped her out so much she got a lock for the door." *He'll make a copy of the key:* "Oh the new locks are a given. Asking for the keys is a symbolic thing and also gives me all the justification for completely losing my shit when I inevitability get a notification saying he's trying to open my door." **Edit-** I wanted to add a few comments from OOP that address some of the questions here: "I'm really not a "crunchy" mum. I breast feed because of the immune benefits and then had to go down the rabbit hole of making my own baby food because baby has allergies and so do I. It's just easier to manage this way. I'm in the UK so I could get cow milk protein free formula for free but it smells gross and you need to sterilise bottles and make them up one at a time and it's just too much hassle." *Why the photo originally?* "Oh, I took a photo of the baby in his chair eating the popsicle and then I thought I better caption it to explain that it's breast milk so that no one thought it was ok to give baby anything when they have him since my MIL was obsessed with the idea of giving him baby rice. So it was \[Photo\] here's "baby" with his first popsicle, the doctor said we should give him frozen breast milk for his teeth."

AITA for calling FIL a pervert?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1400aod/aita_for_calling_fil_a_pervert/

1400avi

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/JoeyLeeBCool. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole. **Trigger Warnings:** >!panic attacks; mental health crisis; sleep deprivation!< **Mood Spoiler:** >!frustrating!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13sg38p/aita_for_telling_my_housemate_to_tell_his_gf_to/)**: May 26, 2023** Original: I (23M) am renting a house with 3 other guys. One of the housemates regularly has his GF (21F) over. Outside of the issue at hand she’s fun, is a creative cook, and seems to be very caring. From what I’ve gathered she has a difficult home situation which is why she bunks at our place 3-4 nights out of the week. This housemate works remotely and I work day shift. Everyone else works night shift so it’s usually just me, the housemate, and his GF home at night, so I don't think the others know that this has been happening. His GF has anxiety. This results in what I think are panic attacks(?) that last for HOURS and they always happen after midnight. Crying, sometimes screaming, sometimes stomping around the house, pounding on walls. The first several nights it happened I asked if there was any way I could help but there isn't. I’ve tried headphones, melatonin… anything to help myself sleep through the screaming/crying/raging. It happens 2-4 nights a week and has been going on for two months now. I’m honestly beginning to struggle at work because I’m so unbelievably tired some days. I fell asleep in my car (parked at the house after work) last week unintentionally. My stomach is a mess because I’m pounding coffee and energy shots. One night last week I slept in the concrete basement because it was quieter. Last night she went from 12 AM to 4 AM. At that point I had already been awake for going on 48 hours (not entirely due to her, had to take my mother to the hospital unexpectedly the night before). I couldn’t think straight and was starting to feel physically ill from exhaustion. I texted my housemate and said, “Take her to the hospital for help or tell her to STFU because I can't sleep and I have to be at work in 3 hours.” I am not proud of my wording and I did apologize. His response was, “she’ll be done soon quit being an insensitive prick.” He also told the other housemates in our group chat that I was "being oppressive" to his GF "while she's struggling." The others are not sure who the AH is in this situation (me for how I worded my text or him for calling me an AH for it) or how to address it. She needs help and I need sleep so I understand the dilemma but... AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *From OOP:* "I agree my wording was harsh. Still not great of me, but this was not texted or said directly to her. I don't want to add to her already hellish situation but... I need sleep." *Have a conversation about getting her help:* "I've tried asking her what we could do to help her but I also don't want to make her feel any more vulnerable than I'm sure she already does. When she's calm I try not to bring up her episodes out of fear of triggering one." "I've told her I notice some nights are hard for her and asked if there's anything I can do to help her but she said no. I gathered she felt uncomfortable discussing it so left it at that." *Are you guys getting noise complaints?* "Thankfully no, we live in an area where most of the houses are spread out. No noise complaints... yet." *Is it possible your roommate is hurting her?* "The first two nights it happened I hang around their door because it honestly sounded like she was in trouble but no he's not doing anything to her I don't think." *Does she sleep during the day??* "He sleeps during the day except for his few remote hours. Amazingly she works! I've dropped her off at her job a couple times since we work close. I was trying to be more empathetic since she's probably even more exhausted than I am. But then I lost my cool a bit." *What do your other roommates think?* "I honestly think they were only here for one maybe two of her first episodes, and they were short ones. Enough to make them go WTF but not enough for them to really say anything." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update 1 (Same Post): 12 hours later** Update 1: Whoa, thank you all for your thoughts. Even the YTA votes are giving me a lot to think on. Unfortunately I have now come down with the stomach bug my parents had so I slept off and on through the afternoon/evening. I texted the housemate individually and said I really need the GF to not be here tonight being sick AF as I am. They both showed up maybe 2 hours after I messaged him. I will say she was very kind and made me some soup from scratch and left some ginger ale at my door. She said she’d be leaving soon so I assume he told her about my message. It’s going on 11:30 here and I can still hear them downstairs so I’m not hopeful. Going to get through this god awful sickness before I decide for sure how to address it. I just hope this is one of her quiet nights if she does stay over. Regardless I don't have it in me for a conversation tonight. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/JoeyLeeBCool/comments/13udvvz/update_aita_for_telling_my_housemate_to_tell_his/)**: May 28, 2023 (2 days later)** Posting on my profile, the AITA mods denied this update on their sub which is fine.She had another long fit last night. For two hours there was a lot of screaming and crying. Per some of your suggestions, I recorded some of it from my room at different intervals. I sent it in the housemate group chat with the following message: “This is what I’m hearing night after night. It keeps me awake and at this point I feel like complete garbage every day because I can’t sleep. Can we address this tomorrow before I complain to the landlord.” Well the housemate didn’t take too kindly to that and we had an argument (at 3 AM). He once again said I was an “unsympathetic AH.” He claimed to be good friends with the landlord and threatened to have my tenancy terminated if I complained. When I brought up the fact that I pay rent and she doesn’t he said she’s been paying rent to him which he then adds to his payment to the landlord. I let it go because I was too damn tired to be carrying on an argument. This morning I had a conversation with the GF. She said the episodes are triggered by medication she uses to treat some sleep disorders/mental health concerns and she’s partially aware of the episodes occurring. She expressed why it’s important to her to stay in a less toxic environment than her home but I also tried to explain how badly this is impacting me. She and I are at an impasse. We both sympathize with the other but don’t want to budge on our stances. Then the housemate blew up because she and I had talked about it. At this point the other guys were home too and it was honestly a chaotic mess of everyone talking/shouting over each other. I still have a headache from it. The landlord is supposed to be coming to inspect some maintenance issues later this week and I am going to tell him everything while he’s here. The housemate is calling me an AH because the complaint might result in her having to stay at her place (odd because I thought he was "good friends" with the landlord) which is not a good environment for her emotionally. Surprisingly the other housemates are also saying I’m the AH because they’re afraid this will put them in jeopardy. I think their opinions would be different if they actually went through it while they were trying to sleep during the day. At this point I am just going to be trying to sleep and pack because I don’t see this ending well.

AITA for telling my housemate to tell his GF to STFU?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1400avi/aita_for_telling_my_housemate_to_tell_his_gf_to/

140bfok

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/electric_bumblebee **I (F37) am furious at my niece (F19) for posting a picture of me online, but my sister (F40) doesn't want to get involved.** **Originally posted to** r/relationship_advice **TRIGGER WARNING:** >!Privacy violations!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13ehdpv/i_f37_am_furious_at_my_niece_f19_for_posting_a/) **May 11, 2023** Recently, there was a wedding in the family and I was one of the bridesmaids. I was getting ready at my sister's (F40) house, along with some of the other family members. It is important to note that the dress was a corset back and very, very annoying to put on, but my husband (M40) had kindly watched a how-to video and said that he would happily give me a hand getting it all on properly. The dress was causing a hassle and took much longer to put on than necessary, but eventually it was on and the wedding went smoothly. It was only after the wedding that I saw my niece (F19) had posted an album on Facebook with all the getting ready photos and scrolling through it, one was taken of my husband and I as we struggled with the dress. I would like to note here that my husband and I were in a private room when getting ready, and the photo had been taken through the window. I had closed the curtains but clearly had left a gap that was enough for the photo. It is not very modest photo at all, my husband was trying to get the ribbons done up and had his hands under the dress trying to make sure nothing was knotted/twisted from the inside. You can't see anything in the photo, but the dress is hitched up. I was furious immediately when I saw the photo, why on earth would she post a photo of me getting dressed?! I confronted her and she said that first, she posted it because she didn't have any other getting ready photos with me, and second, it showed mine and my husband's bond in that he was generously helping me. I told her that she had invaded our privacy in getting that photo, which is evidence enough I do not want it circulated. I also compared her to a peeping Tom, which is when it turned into a full blown argument and my sister got involved. My sister said that I should be above name calling and that my niece does not have to engage with someone who argues like a child. She also said that it was my niece's personal social media and she can do with it what she wants. I said that it may be her social media, but a photo of me which I have rights over. Besides, it was taken and then posted without my consent. My sister said to take it up with the cops if I felt so violated and then walked away. I am not really sure where to go from here, but I just feel creeped out. I feel involving the cops would be throwing fuel on the fire, so any advice on navigating this would be appreciated! **RELEVANT COMMENTS** dragondude101 >Don't you have but go on said social media and report the picture? OOP replied >I have reported the photo on Facebook, but all it says is that the photo will be investigated. I have not heard anything back and it is still up. [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/13olzrf/update_i_f37_am_furious_at_my_niece_f19_for/) **May 22, 2023** TL;DR at the bottom, apologies for the long post. -- I (F37) posted about two weeks ago asking for advice because my niece (F19) had photographed my husband (M40) and I through closed curtains while I changed my clothes, and then posted the photo on Facebook. I had felt so violated, and I turned to Reddit because I did not really know where to go from there. Something that I had neglected to mention in my initial post because I was worried it would end up being the topic of discussion is that I am a Muslim woman and I wear a hijab in day-to-day life. I did not think that this changed the fact that someone took a photo of me while I was getting dressed and post it online, but maybe it helps people understand why I was so upset given that the photo was not very revealing by non-hijabi standards. That being said, the bridesmaid dress was modest when it was actually on, and I wore a hijab on the day. In light of everyone's comments, though, I thought that I had maybe been too emotional when talking to my niece and I realised that my comments calling her a peeping Tom had not helped, so I organised a coffee date with her and my sister (F40) at a local cafe so we could have more of a heart-to-heart. I decided not to include my husband because they might feel more comfortable if there were just women in the discussion. Now, I would like to note that my sister and her family are not religious and my niece has never been religious, but she has always been around my family and is very aware of why I choose to dress modestly. She has never been disrespectful of this in the past, so I led with that. I said that I was upset because I had been violated in so many different ways when I had an expectation of privacy. I told her that it was always inappropriate to take a photo of someone through a closed curtain, but I felt even more exposed given that what she posted should not have been seen by anyone outside of who I feel comfortable with. I said that my bodily autonomy and my religion are both very important to me, and I felt like both had been discounted when I found the photo on Facebook. I also said that my choice had been taken away when she had refused to understand why I was upset/wanted it taken down. Side note: For those who commented that I should just report it, that was the first thing I did and Facebook are allegedly still investigating but the photo remains up. My niece's and sister's reaction was not what I expected at all. I went in hoping for a very honest and open discussion, but they came right out the gate saying that they had spoken to one of my niece's friends who is studying law, and she (F20s?) says that given the photo was taken on my sister's property and through my sister's window into my sister's house, the photo legally belonged to my sister and, by extension, her family. No crime had been committed seeing as the landholder had given her permission. I said that that was illogical, and would mean that any number of crimes could be committed so long as the landholder gives their permission, but my sister just said that that is the law so I should take it up with a judge. It was like talking to a brick wall, so eventually I just got up, paid, and left. My husband says that I can probably go to a lawyer and get a cease-and-desist letter or something along those lines asking that the photo be deleted, but I just so upset right now I am struggling to even think straight. The relationship seems to be over given the total lack of respect, but I never thought it would be like this. I guess that my other option is the cops, but I don't want this to drag on for a million years. I know this isn't a happy ending, but the lesson for everyone is to always make sure your curtains are closed properly. -- TL;DR My niece (F19) took a photo through a gap in a closed curtain while my husband (M40) was helping me (F37) put on a complicated dress. The photo shows the dress hitched around my legs and my husband's hands up the back of the dress. Neither her nor my sister (F40) acknowledge the violation, and say I should take it up with the cops/a judge given that the photo is their legal property. **RELEVANT COMMENTS** Haunting-Juice983  >Just to summarise a long post (didn’t see the first post, looking for context) >Your niece (19 F) posted a photo of you and your husband changing to FB? >Wearing a hijab or not, this is not ok behaviour >I’m Australian and an atheist, and I’d never post a photo of my 8 year old son in the bath even if he was ‘covered’ >If at 19 you’re taking photos of people undressed, how are you not a peeping Tom? OOP replied >Thank you for the good idea, I will put a TL;DR at the bottom. >For context, my husband was helping me get dressed and the dress was hitched up around my legs. My niece took a photo of this through a gap in a closed curtain and posted it on Facebook, the justification being that it showed mine and my husband's bond. She is now refusing to take it down. >I agree that it is wrong and I feel incredibly violated, but unfortunately both my sister and my niece are incredibly unhelpful. . local_laddie  >SIGH - I have tried to get a photo deleted on Facebook... After going in circles for 3 weeks I gave up, so my advice is dont waste your time... >I would contact your niece directly (19 is considered adult) and formally request the photo is removed (use email or normal mail) sent a compliance date for this to occur. IF she does not comply - lay a formal charge with the police. >As for the legal advice you got - its plain wrong... >Here is a link to assist you with the takedown process >https://www.dmca.com/FAQ/How-do-I-get-my-picture-taken-off-the-internet >EDIT: added link >and if youre in the UK or EU other legal rules apply to personal photos of you OOP replied >Thank you for your advice! I like the idea of sending a written request, and may do that. Unsure if it is worth the money having a lawyer write it, but potentially. >Thank you for the link as well, I will have a look! I also agree that the "legal advice" was rubbish and was probably made up as no person actually studying law would spout anything so illogical. . **THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP**

I (F37) am furious at my niece (F19) for posting a picture of me online, but my sister (F40) doesn't want to get involved.

INCONCLUSIVE

Direct-Caterpillar77

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/140bfok/i_f37_am_furious_at_my_niece_f19_for_posting_a/

140guee

**Reminder, I am NOT OOP. The post was posted by** u/Winfallcurse. [Original:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4gvw19/me_30_m_with_my_gfs_27_f_family_following_my/) Posted on April 28, 2016 Apologies in advance for the wall of incoming text... Where do I even begin? I'm so lost right now I don't even know how to put things into words or find a good starting point. I guess it goes with how two months ago, my life was exactly where I wanted it to be. I've been with the girl of my dreams \[27F\] for the last 3.5 years, we have house, animals, both of our families get along beautifully and honestly, the last 3 years with her and my family and her family around the holidays have been some of the most warm, fuzzy, memories I've had in my entire life and, believe me, I've been thinking about those times a lot lately. So, like I said, this problem is going to come in parts because my entire life feels like it is on the brink of completely falling apart. My mother was a very very wealthy woman. Most of my life, she and I did not get along very well but I started working in the family business roughly 5 years ago and since then- we've actually developed a great relationship. It was one of those things where, after many years of feeling that my mother hated me, she was at last proud of me and not afraid to say she loved me and valued me. Then, last month in mid-March, she passed away. I'm tearing up thinking about this as I type because I've always felt that- despite her resentment towards me in my early years- I loved my mother more than anyone else in this world. I won't say much more than that- she had a hard life in spite of her wealth and I feel I could write a whole book on our relationship. Anyway, she is gone and my siblings and I are now extremely wealthy and have taken possession of the business and all of her investments and property. If that isn't scary enough- I'm having a hard time figuring out what I need to do next. The business I was associated with: I can handle and my siblings and I have really come together on this and they seem to trust me with that part of it. But it doesn't wash away the hurt and guilt I feel that I only got a few good years with the woman who gave me life. Anyway, my plan is to marry my GF by next year and we've already discussed the pre-nup situation, which I will be getting due to my newfound wealth. She has been nothing but wonderful after my mom's death. But the problems comes in her family. I won't go into much detail, but I love these people- like an extension of my own family- but they have already started trying to pry exactly how wealthy I am out of my GF and her mom has always had a gravitational pull towards- for lack of a better term- pyramid schemes. Her first sibling, "Terry" just got married and is working a fast food job. Terry and his Wife have decided they will be starting a family soon and stated that they want Wife to be a stay-at-home mom. This talk has only recently popped up and been brought to my attention and (I feel like I'm being paranoid) been directed at me as there is absolutely NO WAY they'd be able to afford this on the money they currently make or even while living in their small apartment. Like they are expecting me to help them out in a situation they are wholly unable to handle right now. Sibling no. 2, "Leslie" has run into some pretty serious legal trouble and is also pregnant- the father has a history of abuse and neither have steady incomes. They have recently come back into our lives after a 4-year long absence between GF and Leslie- though, prior to this, the two have always been extremely close (as GF is with all of her siblings) as throughout their childhood, a lot of the time all the had was each other. Sibling #3, "Kasey" who I hardly ever speak to has even started chatting me up on facebook more than she ever has in the entire time I've known her. Is this just my brain devolving into paranoia or is this actually happening? Like the lottery horror stories you hear where people come out of the woodwork with their hands out when they smell money on someone they know? I know for a FACT my mother, for all of her faults, fell victim to this when SHE inherited this money. She became increasingly bitter throughout her life due to all of the husbands and friends that took advantage of her for what she could do for them. She drank herself stupid every day for 30+ years and moved through carton after carton of cigarettes and alienated her own children. I don't want to be like that, I don't want that to happen. It's been less than a month that I've had more money than I know what to do with and I'm afraid to spend a dime or do ANYTHING with it because I feel like my GF's family is only the beginning. What's worse- and will probably make me look like a total shithead- is my GF has already committed to helping Leslie. They were close their whole lives and with all of the legal trouble and pregnancy, GF cries at night thinking about what's happening to her. She has not asked me to help financially or anything, but I have been there every step of the way to help support them and her as best as I can. But how will it look when my GF starts giving out her money to people while I don't and get viewed as a selfish scrooge. All of this is too much. The last three years were just so wonderful. So many magic trips to the beach, wonderful holidays, surrounded by not one but two families full of great people that accepted and loved me and now it seems like, because I lost my mother and am getting a windfall because of it, everything is changing- I don't get to be happy with family anymore and my whole life is crashing because of this. I know this is so far beyond a first-world problem- 'poor baby is now a multi-millionaire and is a little sad he can't have a happy christmas wah wah' but I feel so broken. I miss my mom, I don't sleep at all, I hardly eat, and- despite knowing full well the path my mother went down- I've been drinking a bit and smoking weed more than I ever had- on a daily basis in fact. My siblings seem to be coping just fine, and now I feel like everyone is out to get me. Even my GF is getting a little tired of hearing me voice my concerns over GF Siblings 1-3 and her mom's sudden extra interest in me- which is understandable, they are all very close and take up for one another. Now, I'm even doubting myself and thinking it's all in my head maybe- too many times my mother drunkenly telling me about all the times she trusted people and was let down. I'm just so lost. [UPDATE:](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/4gzg5q/me_30_m_with_my_gfs_27_f_family_following_my/) Posted on April 29, 2016 First, I just want to say 'wow'. This whole thing blew and has made me feel much better about the whole situation. THANK YOU EVERYONE for your understanding, condolences, and advice. I read the 'lottery winning' thread many of you linked to and- while I'm not currently $300 million dollars richer- I will look into a smaller scale version of all of the things you offered up. I'm not sure if it's worth writing a whole update but last night, I called my sister and drove an hour to her house and stayed the night with her, her husband, and my nieces and nephew. Over some beers she and I started talking about the whole situation (oddly, it's the first time we've really talked about anything alone without attorneys or my other siblings around since my mother died) SIDE NOTE: She passed away on March 8th and I know there was at least one comment that said this seemed like everything was moving too fast. Anyway, it turns out she isn't as together about everything as I thought she was. I showed her the thread and all of the replies and both she and I agreed to talk to a financial advisor and look into getting attorneys to help us with this (she had been primarily working with my mom's attorney up until now). I'm going to look into setting up a trust as well. Nothing too crazy but enough that I can give small gifts to these people and have a 'cap' on it so to speak for whenever it does come up. I talked to my GF on the phone this morning and kind of 'laid it all out' and she was in total agreement. She said she was surprised Kasey has suddenly started talking to me and that it was very suspicious, she also said that Terry's Wife brought up the kids again and was showing her houses they wanted to get that were WAY out of their price range and my GF kind of played dumb and just kept asking questions about how they planned to afford all that so I know she and I are (for now at least) on the same page. Lastly, when I was talking to my sister last night, she said something that both uplifted and destroyed me. We were talking about our mom and what a hard ass she was and my sister said that one of the last conversations she had with our mom, my mother said "You and (my brother) trust Windfallcurse, he knows what he's doing and he will make sure everyone is okay." Anyway, thank you all again for all of your comments. I feel like a better and stronger person just one day later. tl;dr: Talked things over with my sister. Looking into an attorney/FA. **Non-OOP Note:** **~~I'm flairing this as "Inconclusive" as OOP never updated after this and has been inactive for 7 years. I hope OOP settled the matter peacefully and his GF sided with him all throughout. Regardless, I wish the best of luck to OOP, whatever he is today.~~** **Well, well, well, isn't life full of wonders? OP saw this post and made an update through the comments. I'll post it here. It is a wall of text, so I'll add some paragraphs to make it easier for reading.** [UPDATE 2:](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/140guee/oop_feels_like_his_life_is_falling_apart_after/jmy2m26/?context=3) Hey everyone! To start: I just recovered my account after many years and seeing the r/bestofreddit post, I saw so many kind PMs that it really did make my heart full. Really. Thank you everyone. I can’t describe to you what it feels like. I lost my mom 7 years ago and, honestly, some days it doesn’t feel like it has gotten any better. That life would still be better if she was here/had a chance to build a better relationship. So, where do I begin from so long ago? TL;DR: My stepfather sued me and contested the will. He lost. But my younger brother (his son) and I have also lost our relationship and…oh yeah… I’m divorced. So, in an attempt to pick up where this post left off, my mom has just died and I was settled with a whole lot of first-world problems. THE GOOD: I managed to invest in crypto with a large chunk of my money and (by some miracle entirely out of my know-how and against the advice of my former financial advisor) bought “low” and sold high years later. This made me the wealthiest of my siblings by far. My sister’s and my relationship has grown thick as thieves. We sold our mom’s company (despite some complications) and went in on a number of real estate investments together and its worked out VERY well in spite of the pandemic. She is my very best friend in this world and my constant protector as my “big” sister and all of her kids get everything I have when all is said and done. THE NOT SO GOOD: I am divorced. The GF in the previous post and I did end up getting married (no expense spared) and despite all of the Reddit warning I received, I “spread the wealth” amongst her family. It turns out, however, that she was not who I thought she was (and I was not who she thought I was) as she decided to attract a boyfriend during our marriage and she paid for their “outings” through my account. To say I hit a low would be an understatement. However, I am still good friends with my BIL and he has shown nothing but gratitude for my helping his growing family in the ensuing years. I love him and I hope to keep him close for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I traveled and did too many drugs and became an alcoholic. Yep. Just like my mother. However, UNLIKE my mother, this is something I'm actively working on. Also, during the “grieving” period of my mother’s death, I was SUED by my stepfather as he contested the will and my brother sided with him. So for what felt like an eternity, I was fighting against my brother and stepfather, footing ridiculous legal bills, and drinking like they were about to make it illegal. Eventually (thank the gods of old) they LOST and I was suddenly quite single (against my will) but had quite a bit of wealth. However, after all of the legal problems (thanks to my incredible attorneys during my divorce and being sued) I bought a motorcycle and ala my hero, Neil Peart (RIP), traveled North and South America. I saw so much and wrote about all of it but also picked up a pretty terrible drinking habit along the way and when I returned home. Something with which I am still struggling as I type this. I haven’t spoken to my brother for almost 4 years which crushes me every day of my life. I miss him so much but I just can’t seem to get through to him or my stepfather (who I also love very much) in that I would give them most of what they want money-wise but they have since become evangelical Christians (whole other can of worms) and what I’m willing to do is suddenly not enough. I’m also paying for my ex-wife’s expenses because, frankly, I loved her and I thought she loved me. Money doesn’t mean much anymore to me and some days it feels like that is all I’m good for. I want her to be happy despite all of the heartache and pain. It was both of us. I see that now despite her “stepping out.” That being said, I have been “involved” with a young lady for the past few years who has her own career and she is beautiful and makes me feel like a good person when I’m with her. I’m taking it slow but she is, frankly, out of this world incredible. If marriage ever exists in my future again, it will be with her. I visit my mom’s “grave” often (that’s in parenthesis as she was cremated and her ashes spread along her favorite coastline) and it’s always hard. I often ask her if she was proud of me and if I’m on the right path (usually having brought a few bottles of her favorite wine with me) and I know I’m not as I only hear the ocean breeze in response. Every year it’s the hardest thing I have to do without the worry of how I’m going to pay my bills. It’s a grand privilege (I know) but I miss her. We had so many hard years. So many arguments and fights. She told me more than once that she “loved” me only because she had to but was “disgusted” by me otherwise. Still, I really felt towards the end that she felt some sense of pride in me. Like I had finally done something worth remembering with her business only for her to up and die. Do I feel alone still? Yes. Absolutely. As a person, I sometimes feel I do not have any worth whatsoever but the money I can offer. I guess that is the monkey’s paw part of this whole thing? I have 7 total good friends (I journaled and counted during my motorcycle odyssey) for which I am grateful. One of them is my sister and I am so grateful to share DNA with such a wonderful human being. In the process I have lost my only father-figure and my baby brother who sided with him and my wife who I thought was my great love. I’m older now and getting older. Still, I have the 7 and my new lady and I feel enough from that to push forward day-to-day. I know this is probably not the happy ending people wanted but (if I’ve taken anything away from this) things aren’t clean. They are always messy and complicated. Humans are hard. I have a few houses which is a great privilege but I have lost a lot of the human connection of which I was worried about during my original post (self-fulfilling prophecy maybe?) I often think about those beach vacations or cozy holidays filled with so much love and acceptance and warmth from so long ago that I cry. It still breaks my heart knowing those days are behind me. I miss them so much but also know that I can never get that back and my only hope exists in the road in front of me. I know my life changed completely the day my mother died and I lost a great deal in the years after but I still have years ahead. In conclusion, I guess my original problem from so many years ago is “solved” but I have a lot more life left to live (hopefully). Finally and most importantly: Thank you all for the extraordinarily kind words and messages and the repost in this subreddit. I suppose that is the end...for now. **Non-OOP Note (again): OOP, if you read this, I hope everything goes well for you. But, if you don't mind my advice, you need to cut toxic people off your life. Toxic people will only give you stress and sadness, and ask yourself this: "What am I gaining from this?". Regardless, I wish you the best of luck!!**

OOP feels like his life is falling apart after receiving his inheritance

NEW UPDATE

HygorBohmHubner

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/140guee/oop_feels_like_his_life_is_falling_apart_after/

1411gjd

**I am not the Original Poster. That is** u/ThrowRABunkerMan. He posted in r/AmItheAsshole **Mood Spoiler:** >!Hopeful!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13oti3c/aita_for_spending_a_lot_of_time_in_my_bunker_away/)**: May 22, 2023** My grandfather was an incredibly talented man who also suffered from paranoid schizophrenia, and he was convinced that the nuclear apocalypse was going to end the human race at some point, so he built his own bunker and then buried the entrance because he was convinced that both the KGB and the CIA were watching him and wanted to keep the bunker a secret. Yes, he was a crazy man. My dad inherited his house but never lived there, so when I had my first child in 2018 and got married in 2019, my dad made me an incredibly generous offer for the house. I bought computers that were more expensive than the house. The bunker became kind of an urban legend, mostly because my old grandpa used to tell a lot of crazy stories, but out of curiosity I went looking for it and found the entrance. THE OLD MAN REALLY DID IT! So, thanks to being stuck at home during the uneventful 2020 and 2021, I started remodeling the bunker to look less like a Fallout Vault and more like my own man cave. Everyone loves it, especially the kids (My nephews and friend's children). So the house is decorated to my wife's taste, while I can do whatever I want in the bunker, play gaming, fix computers, set up a whole home server, work from home, etc. However, lately she has been complaining about me being distant and spending a lot of time there and less time with her and our child. She is pregnant again, so she said she was worried, but I just promised to spend more time at the house. After a few weeks that wasn't enough for her and she accuses me of abandoning her. I'm asking for judgment here because I'm trying to be there for my family, but this bunker feels like it's the only thing that's really mine and where I can actually have a break, but my wife has said she's going to seal the entrance otherwise I might miss the birth and not even notice. Should I just move all my stuff into the house and forget about it? Am I really being neglectful, or is this just her pregnancy hormones talking? To be clear, I do help with the house chores and spend time with my son when I'm there and I have an intercom in the bunker so my wife can just call me if she needs anything and I'll go up there immediately. ETA: Everybody is asking me this. I spends at least 6 hours at the Bunker on week days. I work there so I think is reasonable, and at least 4 hours on weekends. But yeah, ur right, I need to make arrangements. I forgot to mention: Our son goes to kindergarten so my wife has time to work and sometimes be alone at home. ETA 2: Guys, I swear I'm taking notes. I'm just trying to understand what I should change about myself and how to talk to my wife about this. Remember that I spend at least 6 hours WORKING, not scratching my belly. My manager allows me to log out early if I finished my work for the day but can't log out if I've been working for less than 6 hours. I also spend time talking with my team on Slack. ETA 3: So many of you are picking up on my language. I would appreciate if you explain calmly why my choice of words is so bad so I dont fuck things up when I speak to my wife. **Mini-Update:** I had a talk with my wife. Overall I think it went well since she told me everything, but there are so many raw emotions right now and I was sent to sleep in the spare room. She had no mercy on me but we needed this talk so we can have a clear path for our future together. ***Relevant Comments:*** *More about the bunker:* "The entrance is like 900 feet away from the house. There was also a tunnel connecting it to a hidden place on the basement but it collapsed I don't know how many years ago, so we sealed it." "Yes, the city inspected it and is ok. I didn't bother with the tunnel because it seems to be badly built and there was a risk that could keep collapsing if we tried to fix it. We also had to add more columns and reinforcements to make sure it won't collapse. I was recommended to have yearly inspections." *Clarify- you say you work AND game? Are you doing those at the same time?* "No bro, when I mean working, I mean having a fight with my IDE until shit works, and when I mean networking, I mean talking to my team on Slack. Speaking to your team is as important as doing the work itself. Also can be spent reading doc. Then after finishing, I can game for like an hour before going up." "Yeah, I see how bad it sounds. Year sometimes can be 2 hours, but hear me out. I usually don't play online games, but single player games with a linear story and clear objectives. So is easy to do the "Till next check point" (Tho modern games can be saved at whatever point) and log out.Yeah I think I should stop doing this or do it inside the house." *Where did you work before you had the bunker?* "Before getting married I just went to the office everyday but had my main computer in the bedroom. When we first moved into this house, I got a room to place my computers. During this time yes, had more contact with my family but it was harder to make it feel like an "office"." ***OOP is resoundingly voted YTA*** **UPDATE (Same Post): Most likely May 23 (next day, based on comments and web archive)** I talked to my wife. I asked her to be very honest and I promised to let her talk until she was done. First of all, it's not just about the time I spend in the bunker now, but she felt completely alone taking care of our little baby while I spent almost all of my free time remodeling and building and when it's done I'm just down there. I explained to her that it was basically my office now, she understood and apologized and then continued to explain herself. I'll just quote the gist of it because we talked for hours. "I haven't been my own person since my first pregnancy, I feel like a doll, every day is the same, I'm bored, frustrated, angry, just when I thought it might get easier, I get pregnant again, how many years until I can just be me again". "You have a big hole underground where you can play and not care about the word, I haven't read a book in years, I can't read 2 pages without falling asleep" "Yes, the house looks nice, but what about a place for me? I don't want a Kindle, I don't want audiobooks to listen to while cooking or driving, I want a PHYSICAL collection, where do I put them? When was the last time I went to a library? When was the last time you gave me something made of real paper?" (For context, she's always been a bookworm, loves books and the aesthetic of having shelves full of them, but it's true she hasn't read in a long time, I gave her a Kindle for our anniversary and I pay for her audible subscription, I thought those would be good substitutes, but they're not) "Stop thinking that a screen can solve everything, I need you with me, I married a human, not a sim, download some emotions. "I want to write again, but how? When? Will you read my first crappy drafts or just take a look and say it's okay?" "Can you have our son in the bunker for a few hours a day? He's bored here, he won't be bored down there." It was hard, but I needed it, and she needed it. I'm going to move my gaming consoles into the house and see if I can set up SteamLink to stream games from my gaming PC to our TV or something. We agreed to go on dates outside the house, and I'm going to take on more responsibilities around the house. I want to address something. I was told by my parents that I had to "help" with the house, "help" with the kids. But then I come to Reddit and it turns out that "helping" is a problem. You talked a lot about mental load, this was the first time I heard about it, who was supposed to teach me that? "Helping", not having addictions, being loyal and always being there seemed like what every good husband does, now I realize it was just the bare minimum. I feel like I have to relearn everything, and it's hard to realize that I'm a bad husband and father for thinking that the bare minimum was all I needed to have a long and happy marriage. I became a reddit villain by being clueless, but I accept that. I'll see you again soon, thank you all. **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/ThrowRABunkerMan/comments/13v2gul/things_are_getting_better_update_to_bunker_post/)**: May 29, 2023 (1 week from OG post)** Hey guys, I hope you remember me. I'm the bunker guy. Not much has happened in terms of big events, but things are getting better. After the talk I had with my wife, I started taking more responsibility around the house. I've been taking on as much as I can so she can rest. Except I'm a terrible cook, so I have some frozen and instant food that I just heat up and call it done, but I've been taking our son to school and picking him up, spending more time with him in the Bunker (he loves it), I've been gaming in the living room because I moved my consoles there and successfully set up Steam Link. So overall, my wife is sleeping more and has a few hours to just do nothing. She is much calmer now. She said she loved being able to just chill on the couch and not have to worry about anything. This pregnancy has been rough on her emotions so I'm glad to see her like this. She also spent some time with me in the bunker, doing her own work, sleeping, or just hanging out. She even got The Sims and started playing again. The first thing she did was build an almost exact replica of our house. We also did a lot of cuddling down there and even had sex. I have to admit, I'm loving every second of this new dynamic, even though there are still a few things that need to be changed and tweaked. I offered to build a room for her in the bunker, but she says it gets a little claustrophobic after a few hours and she likes sunlight, so that was declined. Then I suggested building a shed for her. She said nothing, but after a few hours showed me a shed she built on The Sims, a hexagonal brick structure with a U-shaped couch in the middle, a door, and bookshelves on every wall, connected to the main house by a fenced-in path. I think it looks nice, so I will send it this week to the same people who helped me rebuild this bunker so they can convert it to CAD. Nothing is perfect yet, I have a lot to learn and haven't started couples counseling yet (that will be in about 2 weeks) but I am trying my best, I have been an idiot for way too long and have a lot to make up for. Thank you all again.

AITA for spending a lot of time in my bunker away from my family?

ONGOING

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1411gjd/aita_for_spending_a_lot_of_time_in_my_bunker_away/

1411gwq

**I am still not the Original Poster. That is** u/throraway_23. She posted in r/AmItheAsshole. This is an short update to my previous BORU post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/13qa3ru/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_using_my_life/). **New Update marked with \*\*\*\*** **Mood Spoiler:** >!still bizarre but even more sad!< **Original** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/12lposw/aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_using_my_life/)**: April 14, 2023** Hi all, first time posting so sorry for any mistakes. I (17f) have eight older brothers. Without getting into too much detail, there's a few adoptions and half siblings in the mix but I'm close to all of them and while my life can be crazy sometimes, I wouldn't trade them for the world. It's also relevant that I don't have either of my parents in my life and haven't since I was 11. The issue involves my close friend, (17f) who I've known since we were 4. For about a year now, she's been consistently posting on social media about her "best friends suuuuuuper hot older brothers" and "the terrible tale of how she ended up in a love triangle with her best friends brothers" and it's seriously annoying. She's never really had anything to do with my brothers, they know her as "my little sisters friend" and nothing more so I really don't get where this is all coming from. Over the last few weeks however, it's gotten so much worse. She'll actively tell stories to people at our school about the "steamy romance that is her life" and it's bringing me a lot of unwanted attention. I've tried to talk to her about it but she always says that she'd never do anything to hurt me and she's just "living her life" which doesn't even make sense? I've mentioned it so many times that I've started to avoid hanging out with her because I know my brothers will come into it and I'll have to ask her to knock it off again. Everything came to a head yesterday. We went out with some friends and 4 of my brothers dropped us both off. When we got inside half of the girls in the group immediately started talking to my best friend about the "good looking guys in the car" and whether those were the hot men she was talking about. I snapped and yelled "Those are my brothers and I swear to God (friends name) if you don't stop using my life to get petty clout I'm cutting you off. Quit living your fantasy through me, do it somewhere else." and left, which I feel like was really harsh and probably could've waited until we were in private. She called me later to tell me she wanted space from our friendship because I was become jealous, needy and controlling ever since she got close with my brothers, which isn't even remotely true. all of my brothers so far have told me to just stop being friends with her, but she's been really important in my life for a long time and I don't want to ruin what we have, but at the same time I don't want to keep letting her use my life for her fantasy. AITA? ***Relevant Comments:*** *Did you check with your brothers to make sure there was no hookup or anything misconstrued?* "I have said that I already spoke to them and they were disgusted to say the least. My brothers are all in their 20's, so it's not only weird but it's also illegal. She's also never been around them long enough for something like that to happen." *How does she act when your brothers are around?* "She's always been flirty with them, which they never reciprocated and eventually they stopped being around when I had her over because of the comments. She isn't close with them at all, and I've asked her to stop a few times but she never does. The one time I asked her why she was doing this she told me to stop being controlling so I really don't know where this came from." *More about OOP's background:* "I don't know the full deal with my parents, even when they were around they weren't really active in my life but when I was 11 they lost a custody battle for me over drug use I think. I'm really not sure, it isn't something I like knowing so I've only ever asked to be told the basics. I know 8 older brothers is a lot, but I wouldn't say they're "hot" so to speak. I think people are more attracted to the 'movie romance' idea." *Why are you friends with her?* "I've been friends with her for over ten years so it's not easy to let that go, plus she's the only friend I have. I have friendly acquaintances, but no other friends. She only started acting like this about a year ago and I thought it was normal I guess? So I didn't really do anything because it didn't hurt anybody, or at least I thought it didn't." ***OOP is voted NTA*** **Update** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throraway_23/comments/12owlnw/update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_using/)**: April 16, 2023 (2 days later)** Hi everyone, I have a small update for those who'd like to hear it, and I'd also like to say thank you to all the people who gave advice and opinions. So the first thing I did was have a proper talk with my brothers about everything that's been going on. I showed them the post and all the comments I received, and they took a minute to read them before speaking. One of my brothers "Sam", assured me they had never been flirty, romantically interested or sexual with my friend at any point in time. There was never a time when any of them were alone with her for more than a minute. Not gonna lie, that made everything so much easier, I was terrified one of them was going to admit to having done something with her. We also talked about her recent behavior's, I told them about what she'd been saying and then Sam spoke up. He said that in the past, they had heard my friend intentionally telling people strange things about me in order to make it seem like I wasn't a person who you'd want to be friends with. (They'd overheard these conversations at my house when I wasn't around or doing something and she was waiting for me.) Things like "She's too clingy" or "She's controlling" to even telling people I'd slept with one of my brothers. It hurt. A lot. So you guys were right, she has been isolating me from people. After our talk, I needed to get some air so I went for a walk. My friend ended up calling me and I answered. I know, stupid, but I was hurt and wanted to know if she really had done those things. The conversation went like this: **HER:** "Listen, (my name) we've been friends for a long time and I don't want to hurt you but this friendship has become really toxic." **ME:** Are you serious? I know what you've been saying about me. You're a liar and a creep and the only toxic thing in this friendship is you. **HER:** I've literally never lied to you in my life, so I don't know what you think I've said or done but you're wrong. It's not my fault people don't want to be you're friend because you're weirdly possessive. **ME:** You literally told people you were dating my brothers, that's gross and really messed up. **HER:** This is what I mean, you aren't acting like yourself anymore. I feel like ever since we got older, you've started to become obsessed with attention. I don't like this version of you, it isn't my best friend. I hung up after that and now I feel like shit. She was my best friend, I have no idea what to do next because she hasn't stopped blowing up my phone since the call. I want to block her but I just can't do it. I feel like an absolute failure. So yeah, that's where I'm at right now. I don't have a clue what I'm going to do next, I want to tell her parents but what would I even say? "You're daughter's fetishizing my brothers?" I have literally no evidence whatsoever and I don't know what she's told them about me. Who knows. Any advice would be appreciated, since my brain isn't working right now and all I've been doing is crying. **\*\*\*\*NEW** [Post](https://www.reddit.com/user/throraway_23/comments/13sa88a/update_2_aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop_using/)**: May 26, 2023 (7.5 weeks from Original Post)\*\*\*\*** So hi, me again. I don't actually know if anyone's still interested in what's happening but I thought I'd update just for those who've followed me. Long story short, I took your advice. I called my (ex) friend and told her the following. "I don't want you in my life anymore." And that was it. I know some people told me to set her reputation of fire because why not, but I feel like that would do more harm than good. And if she ever does grow up, I'm sure she doesn't want this whole drama fest to be tied to her forever. The first few days after that phone call were hectic. I couldn't stop crying, which made me feel pathetic, and I overall just felt lost. I haven't really made friends at school, most people think of me as a weirdo who dropped her best friend of ten years because she was jealous of her own brothers. So I guess lunch in the bathrooms from now on. I also got calls from my ex friends sister, who called me some names and ranted about my brothers "loved ex friend so much and that I was such a cow for separating them", so I guess she's sticking to her story. So yeah. That's kind of it. I'm just spending time with myself and my bed. I don't know if I'll update again, but for now that's it. Thanks again everyone.

NEW UPDATE: AITA for telling my friend to stop using my life to get petty clout and to live her fantasy somewhere else?

NEW UPDATE

LucyAriaRose

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1411gwq/new_update_aita_for_telling_my_friend_to_stop/

141f0r8

**I am not The OOP, OOP is** u/QuelynD **Does anyone want to be a character in my Oregon Trail playthrough?** **Originally posted to** r/CasualConversation [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/12v4g50/does_anyone_want_to_be_a_character_in_my_oregon/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Apr 22, 2023** I'm planning to play some Oregon Trail today. If you'd like to be a member of the party let me know what name you'd like to be added as in a comment. Alternately, if you don't want to be in the party you can choose the starting career - the options are Banker, Blacksmith, Carpenter, Doctor, Farmer, Merchant, Saddlemaker, or Teacher. I'll start a game once I have 5 names and a career. I'll make a comment tagging all that are involved and will update how the game went there. If there's enough interest and I have time I might do additional games later but I can't guarantee that. If I do, I'll post each game's details in a new comment. I'm also totally open to commentary on the game updates, or memories you guys have of playing the game! *** Update - game 1 is done, but feel free to comment any time (including other days). If I play more games in the future I'll check if anyone here wanted to take part and will tag you in the game comment *** [Game 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/12v4g50/does_anyone_want_to_be_a_character_in_my_oregon/jhagbj6?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Apr 23, 2023** Game 1 is complete. Party was led by Pat ( u/PatMahiney1 ) , who was a merchant (chosen by random selector). Party members were Elsie, Sam, Samantha ( u/RedHeadWithSoles ) and Turtle ( u/TrueTurtleKing ) We started early in the year and were delayed by some blizzards. An ox got ill shortly before we crossed the Kansas river by ferry. There was another blizzard, and then we floated our wagon across the Big Blue river. The first ox died shortly after, and then another fell ill. A thief stole a small amount of food. Turtle was sick with typhoid but quickly recovered. Almost immediately after that he suffered from exhaustion. A thief stole 3 oxen!!! How dare they Turtle recovered 9 days later, and then Elsie broke her arm. Turtle fell ill with dysentery but recovered very soon. Sam and Samantha were bitten by a snake on the same day (what were you doing, tossing it back and forth?!) Samantha healed first, then Sam. Elsie's arm finally healed but then Samantha broke her leg. Elsie suffered from exhaustion. A wagon tongue broke but we fixed it. Turtle was bitten by a snake. A wagon axle broke; we couldn't fix it but had a spare to replace it with. (Now things go downhill quickly...) Elsie never recovered from her exhaustion; she died near Independence Rock :( Turtle died from his snake bite shortly after :( Then Samantha fell ill and died suddenly :( At least she didn't suffer long. A thief stole a few bullets. Sam contracted cholera and the next day was bitten by a snake. 3 days later he died from the bite :( Pat was solo at this point. Things went smoothly for about 2 weeks. Then..over the course of 3 days Pat got dysentery, was bitten by a snake, and broke his arm! He took a ferry across the Green river. Immediately after crossing he died :( The farthest point reached was about 60% of the way to the destination. We were never short on food due to starting with decent money, doing well with hunting, and some beneficial trades. We were also able to replace some oxen through trading. But that didn't save us from our many accidents. Better luck next time all! [Update](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/13317bu/oregon_trail_part_2_comment_if_youd_like_to_take/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Apr 29, 2023** Last week I played Oregon Trail with reddit users as the characters. I gave an update in a comment after the game ended, with highlights of what each character experienced. It was an unsuccessful journey, so here's hoping the next one fares better! If you'd like to take part feel free to comment here, and state the name you'd like to be listed as (can be anything). If you don't want to be a character you're welcome to just watch, or to choose the party leader's occupation - options are Banker, Blacksmith, Carpenter, Doctor, Farmer, Merchant, Saddlemaker, and Teacher. Last week's journey can be viewed here . This next playthrough will have u/SaibaYes as party leader, as they just missed the previous game. If there's lots of interest I might do multiple sessions so feel free to comment even if spaces are full. [Game 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/13317bu/oregon_trail_part_2_comment_if_youd_like_to_take/ji83gzd?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **Apr 30, 2023** Game 2 has finished - Party was led by Saiba, a doctor ( u/SaibaYes ) . They were joined by Bronze, Brick ( u/Brick_Bronze165 ), Princess, and Foxglove ( u/princessfoxglove ) We started out in April; encountered one blizzard right away but no more. We floated our wagon across the Big Blue river; it tipped over but everything/one was saved A wagon tongue broke but was fixed An ox fell ill but did not die We ferried across the next river; things were uneventful for a while after that Princess was bitten by a snake, and recovered 9 days later. Right after that Bronze contracted cholera The wagon caught on fire; we lost many bullets and a wheel (still had spares thankfully) Bronze recovered from cholera, and then we ferried across the Green river It was uneventful again for a time, until we got lost. Took 3 days to get back on the trail. Foxglove was bitten by a snake, and then Brick got dysentery. Foxglove healed 1 week later. Princess was bitten by a snake, and then Brick recovered from dysentery. An ox died :( We were delayed due to an impassable trail; Princess healed while we were stopped. Bronze got typhoid. We hired a guide to help us across the Snake river. An axle broke but we were able to fix it. Brick got lost; it took us 4 days to find him Bronze finally recovered from typhoid Another delay due to an impassable trail Another axle broken and fixed, haven't needed any spares yet A **third** impassable trail! An ox got sick, but recovered Bronze broke his leg, and then 3 weeks later was bitten by a snake. Princess broke her arm. Brick broke his leg; what's with all the breaks guys?! Bronze finally healed from the broken leg and snakebite **We arrived safely!! - everyone was still alive though 2 party members had broken limbs at the end. We still had 4 oxen, quite a bit of food and bullets, some spare clothes/wagon parts, and just over $100 left. [Game 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualConversation/comments/13317bu/oregon_trail_part_2_comment_if_youd_like_to_take/jj50v0f?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)  **May 7, 2023** Game 3 was completed today. I led the party and was a blacksmith (chosen by random generator). I was joined by Samantha ( u/RedHeadWithSoles ), Schooner ( u/schoonerw ), Dyno, and Shay (non-redditors) The very first day of our journey Dyno was bitten by a snake; not the best start! Dyno was bitten again as we reached the Kansas river We floated across the river; the wagon tipped but all supplies and party members were safe Nothing else happened before reaching Big Blue river. We floated across again, this time without tipping Schooner got cholera and then Dyno recovered from their bites A wagon axle broke but we fixed it Schooner recovered from cholera We lost the trail shortly after Chimney Rock but that only caused a 1 day delay Things were very quiet between Fort Laramie and Independence Rock At South Pass we decided to take the shortcut to the Green River Along the way Dyno came down with a fever and Shay was bitten by a snake We floated across the river but tipped again; unfortunately, both Shay and Samantha drowned :( On a brighter note, Dyno's fever went away after crossing the river. But then they got dysentery 3 days later... Thankfully Dyno recovered fairly quickly We encountered a delay due to rough trails shortly after leaving Fort Hall Dyno was bitten by another snake! We found some supplies in an abandoned wagon (3 wheels and an axle) Dyno passed away from this snakebite :( Schooner got the measles and recovered 8 days later We hired a guide to help us cross the Snake River Right after crossing, Schooner was bitten by a snake and died almost immediately :( I then encountered an impassable trail. While trying to clear it I fell ill with a fever Delayed 3 days due to the trail issues. Fever gone 8 days after it appeared I took the wrong trail, leading to a 2 day delay. After getting back on track I got another fever and passed away :( Sorry guys, I wasn't able to get us to Oregon this time around! Many parts of this journey were very quiet/uneventful, which is usually a good sign, but the bad events really added up. **THIS IS A REPOST SUB I AM NOT THE OOP**

Does anyone want to be a character in my Oregon Trail playthrough?

ONGOING

Direct-Caterpillar77

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141p83k

**I am NOT OP. Original post by [jizzmyoscar](https://www.reddit.com/user/jizzmyoscar) in r/stopdrinking** trigger warnings: >!suicide, alcohol!< note: IWNDWYT = I will not drink with you today --- &nbsp; [**2 Weeks Sober After Failed Suicide**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/11zmxni/2_weeks_sober_after_failed_suicide/) - March 23, 2023 2 Weeks ago today I caught a bus to my city's downtown, equipped with a bag loaded with beers and a plan to finally get rid of my sickness. A plan to relieve friends and family of the inconsiderate, selfish behavior I had inundated them with. I chugged about 8 beers as quickly as I could in an alley. Then I crossed the street to a parking garage and rode the elevator to the top. I looked around for a few minutes, decided it was time, and pushed myself off the edge of the 4 story garage. I came to about a day and a half later in a hospital about 45 minutes from my town. My left side was demolished. Broken femur, shattered pelvis, several fractured ribs, a cracked sternum, and a broken humerus. Multiple tubes draining fluid, staples and stitches in a few spots. My mind has done a complete 180°. I'm so grateful to be alive, and I'm sure there has to be a reason. By all metrics I should be dead. But I'm not, and even though right now I only have the full use of one limb, am shitting and pissing the bed from incontinence, and enduring the embarrassment of being wiped by pretty young nurses, I am so happy I'm here. And happy to be sober. I have quite a long, challenging, painful road ahead of me. But I'm going to endure it without the help of booze. And I couldn't be more excited about it. &nbsp; [**3 Weeks and A Little Stronger Each Day**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/126uvip/3_weeks_and_a_little_stronger_each_day/) - March 30, 2023 Some of you may have seen my post last week. I am the guy who jumped off a 4 story parking garage in a desperate bid to end my battle with alcohol and unburden the people in my life that I have disappointed time and again. I still only have the full use of one limb, my right arm. But I have been working with physical therapists and have been able to transfer from my bed to a wheelchair or the recliner in my hospital room via wooden slideboard. It can be pretty damn painful but I just want to push through it. I've also been having trouble retaining urine and have had multiple foley and straight catheters. Definitely unpleasant. On a huge plus note I still have no cravings for alcohol. I'm hoping that sticks through the duration of my therapy and on. My ultimate goal is to go from hospital to physical rehab to 30 day inpatient alcohol treatment. Hopefully when I'm done at the rehab there will be a bed for me in a treatment facility. We shall see. I'll keep you folks posted and IWNDWYT. &nbsp; [**One Month Sober In The Hospital**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/12gqhdn/one_month_sober_in_the_hospital/) - April 29, 2023 Hey everyone, it's the guy who tried to commit suicide by jumping off a 4 story parking garage. I'm not sure how to link to posts, but you can check my post history and read my story. Today marks one month sober for me. And also one month mostly confined to a hospital bed. I can still only bear weight on my right arm, though sitting myself up at the edge of the bed and using a slideboard to transfer to a chair is becoming easier and easier every day. Sitting fully upright in a chair for a few hours or being wheeled around the unit is a good change of pace, it's been good for morale, and its good for the body. Last week I contracted a UTI, likely caused by my foley catheter. I had an up and down fever for several days and a severely diminished appetite. It was virtually impossible to sleep comfortably or consistently. It was honestly worse than any hangover I ever experienced, even in my worst days. It was the worst pain and discomfort that alcohol has ever caused me, even if it was caused indirectly. I'm a big fan of "playing the tape". It's saved me many times. Well now I have a much more harrowing tape to play through. I'm hoping to go directly to a physical rehab after the hospital so I can begin to learn to walk again. I know that's gonna give me even more brutal footage to put in the tape. Alcohol lead to this. My decision to choose cheap whiskey over almost anything else in life lead to this. I haven't had a desire to drink this month in the hospital, and I hope that can carry over when I go back into the real world. But even if temptation sneaks in, this experience will forever be in my head and will hopefully act as a deterrent. To everyone here, sober, struggling, or still drunk...please keep fighting the good fight. IWNDWYT &nbsp; [**Update On Failed Suicide Attempt**](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/130zoqs/update_on_failed_suicide_attempt/) - April 27, 2023 Hey folks, it's the dude who jumped off a 4 story parking garage in an attempt to end the battle we're all facing. Today marks one month and 18 days at the hospital. A week or so ago I began having some serious pain in my left foot. It went in between burning, aching, and tingling. The staff suspected it was nerve pain, and they started fiddling with my meds to try and alleviate it. On Sunday, after medication continued to fail, I had an MRI. Turns out my sciatic nerve was damaged. Also turns out a proper diagnosis doesn't help to remedy the pain either. Who would thought? Today, while talking to the nurse practitioner who has been following my case and consulting with doctors, she said the pain would likely "last 6 months to a year. And it IS debilitating." So that's another thing to endure in all this. The staff is also trying to locate an assisted living facility for me to go to before I regain weight bearing status in my left arm and both my legs. Yes, assisted living facility likely means a senior living facility. I actually look forward to that. Should be interesting. Once my three disabled limbs regain weight bearing status, I will transfer to a proper rehab facility where I can learn to walk again. So yeah, one month and 18 days in a hospital, but also one month and 18 days sober. I'm glad I'm going through this very early stage of sobriety somewhere that I have absolutely no access to alcohol in. It's boring, it's monotonous, but it's SOBER! I've spent a fair amount of time browsing this subreddit, especially when the daytime TV really starts to suck. I'm proud of each and every one of you and I'm grateful to be a part of such and awesome and supportive community. Your comments on my previous two posts have meant a lot to me. Thank you all so much! Next time you hear from me, I hope to be hanging out with some old folks! &nbsp; [OOP comment from May 28, 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/comments/13tx0vw/shape_up_sunday/jlyb039/) >Right now I'm still in a hospital after a reeeaaaally bad fall. I just regained weight bearing status in my legs. Occupational therapy came by a few minutes ago and I walked (with a walker!) to the end of the unit. So about 50 feet? I feel pretty good about it! Little by little! **[OOP responds to the trolls](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/141p83k/2_weeks_sober_after_failed_suicide/jn2qf5r/)** >Hey its me! Fuck you! I'm sober and every day counts. **Reminder - I am not the original poster.**

2 Weeks Sober After Failed Suicide

ONGOING

GRADIUSIC_CYBER

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/141p83k/2_weeks_sober_after_failed_suicide/

141si10

Hello, I am the OP and the OOP, u/SourNotesRockHardAbs [Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/6xu9aj/how_to_handle_relationship_uncertainty_when_you/) September 3rd 2017 in /r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide **How to handle relationship uncertainty when you have anxiety?** This might not be the best sub for this post, but I've seen a lot of good advice mentioned here. I have anxiety. I'm also in a long-term relationship. For context, we're both mid-20s and we've been together for about 3 years and we've discussed marriage. Sometimes I feel totally on board with that idea. Other times I can't possibly imagine staying with somebody forever and I can feel my fight-or-flight response gearing up. I've talked to a counselor and friends with anxiety and uncertainty is a big trigger for anxious feelings. How do I get past that? (I've recently moved and can't return to the counselor I was going to.) Does anybody with anxiety or anybody in a LTO themself have some advice? *A comment from a now deleted account made the same day of the post:* >I have pretty clear symptoms of OCD and Anxiety and I understand completely** now not everyone is the same of course so I'll just share with how it felt for me and what happened. This isn't exactly advice it's more just my story to see if you can take anything from it. So. I have this thing. Fortunately it's been not coming around as much. I worry and stress sometimes if I have a small thought of not liking my boyfriend I'll freak out. Sometimes I think my thoughts aren't really my own. Like. I'll be like but what if I'm tricking myself into loving him because I'll feel bad to leave him? What if I'm not really in love? Can I stay with him forever? The feelings eat me up and spit me back out and would make me anxious make me cry make me feel so so guilty. I'd feel bad like how can I I think will this work out while he's dedicated? I'd google and make myself feel better & then repeat till I blow up or finally feel better, then start again in 2-4 weeks. So finally when I blow up. Sometimes I tell my fiancé about it. And he at first. Was upset. Angry. Hurt. Every time he was. I felt bad every time but I needed someone to talk to. Finally he started to get it and understand my thoughts and get how it was related to anxiety. With my google thing sometimes I'd look up people who relate to my problems and I would feel better when I find them and I found one story of a girl with anxiety and OCD like symptoms and showed him her story and how she explains it and then he understood finally after probably... 5 months. Now finally. He just held me one day when I wasn't feeling sure and I was crying feeling guilty. He told me, sometimes one of us isn't 100% but if you're 50% I'll be your other 50, if you're 20 I'll be the 80. And just let me feel anxious sort out my thoughts but expressed he was there for me. And really I guess what made me feel better was knowing he was there to support me and hold me rather than feel alone and confused without any confirmation around. Sorry this was so long. I hope it helps anyone out. [A comment on the post](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/6xu9aj/how_to_handle_relationship_uncertainty_when_you/jftvekq/) made on April 11th 2023 asks >Hi! I notice this was 6 years ago and I was wondering if you have any advice on how you went about handling this? I’m in a similar situation at the moment with unnecessary anxiety that seems to be triggered in my relationship. *Also on April 11th 2023 OP [responds](https://www.reddit.com/r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide/comments/6xu9aj/how_to_handle_relationship_uncertainty_when_you/jfu1rkw/) the same day:* Considering this was 6 years ago, I probably made this post because my SO was finishing undergrad and we were deciding if we'd be staying together because he was going to move across the country with me and choose a grad school based on my input if we planned on staying together/getting married. I had a lot of trauma from childhood and young adult years, so there's a lot of backstory that I didn't include in this post. At that time, I also hadn't yet been diagnosed with ADHD or autism. Looking back, I'm not surprised that big changes were difficult for me considering my history. Even though I was very interested in continuing the relationship. But it all worked out. We did move together, got married, and had a baby. He's 2 now. To summarize everything, my advice would be: figure out what's triggering you and why. Do you have a history of trauma that you're projecting on to a current situation? Is there a neurodivergence at play? Or is there an actual problem within the relationship that's causing you to question its sustainability? For the first two, you can work on those by yourself and with your partner to improve how you feel about things. If you still feel like there's a problem after that, it might be time to have a difficult talk with your partner about the state of the relationship and what can be done about it. /u/digitalchili replies: >that’s really good advice, thank you. i know for a fact i have childhood trauma and i’ll bring this up with my therapist during my initial assessment tomorrow. really glad things worked out with the two of you. thanks again for responding :) **OOP's note: This is a low stakes update, but we don't often see such delayed responses on a post about relationship advice**

Redditor asks for relationship advice and replies with update nearly 6 years later

CONCLUDED

SourNotesRockHardAbs

/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/141si10/redditor_asks_for_relationship_advice_and_replies/

141vcl1

**I am not the Original Poster**. That is u/HungryTaco4/ . They posted in r/actuallesbians/ **Mood Spoiler**: >!Depressing for now, hopefully OOP will follow through and get some justice!< **Content Warning**:  >!Racism, LGBTQ discrimination, trans discrimination, police, injustice, mental health!< [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13tm0pm/tw_gf_and_i_spent_the_night_in_jail_thanks_to_a/): May 27, 2023 So I was playing mini golf with my gf. We were at a pretty crowded outdoor place, and there was a family with kids behind us. At one point we kissed and the mom stormed over all upset saying "How dare you. Disgusting. What if my kids see? You should be ashamed." In response I kissed my gf a minute later right as her daughter was putting. We're both so fed up with homophobia that we have a lot of anger built up and wanted to get back at her. Not like we did anything wrong though.The woman called somebody on the phone and then just stared at us, smirking. About 15 minutes later two police officers pulled out guns and told us to get our hands in the air. My girlfriend was shaking and in tears as they handcuffed us. She's black. I can only imagine the sorts of things running through her head at this point.So I'm trying to explain to the police that we didn't do anything, they just tell me to shut the fuck up. By now I'm half sure one of us is gonna get shot. Finally after I said for the 900th time "We haven't broken the law," one of the cops replied with "Sexual harassment of a minor is a felony." Thinking as quickly as I could I said "Ask the children. They'll tell you we didn't do anything." They just tell me to shut up again, and we get paraded off the course in handcuffs and thrown into a police car. After a few hours in a holding cell they finally let us go. I don't want to relive that experience or even talk about it here. I've never seen my girlfriend so devastated in my life. She looked like she had just gone through torture. It was like the light in her eyes was flicked off. Once we got home she just sat on the couch hyperventilating, with her hands on her head and legs against her chest. I tried to comfort her but she smacked my hand away. I didn't get a word out of her until morning. When she finally woke up we got to talking. She seemed better than last night, but still among the worst I've seen her. It took a few hours of talking to calm her down enough for her to make any sense. One thing she said really stuck out to me. "I thought my life was over, that I'd never see my friends and family again, that I'd never feel fresh air in my lungs. It was like dying while still being alive." I'm at a loss for words. This whole experience was so traumatizing. I'm just glad that I didn't realize the gravity of it while I was in that cell. The idea that I'd get sentenced for real never crossed my mind. My girlfriend was no so lucky. I just want to get this out, to tell somebody. Our parents are homophobic. I don't have many friends. I hope I can find support here. We live near Houston. *Update (in original post):* I'm going to the mini golf place first thing tomorrow to try and get the footage. We need to work on finding therapists and at least start recovering mentally before we consider legal stuff cuz we're not in a state to deal with this right now and my gf might have a mental breakdown. **Comments:** [From OOP](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13tm0pm/comment/jlwkrc1/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3):  *We now know that she did not call police and tell them we were kissing. She specifically said that we were "touching them".This is exactly why I felt so scared, American jails are fucked up to a level that's hard to even describe. You are not treated as a human. There are literally zoos that treat their animals better than jails treat human prisoners. I was really worried I'd miss taking my estrogen which I need to survive as a post-op trans woman, but the risk of outing myself was too high when I was put in the women's section without a second thought.* [Reddit comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13tm0pm/comment/jlwfqjj/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3):  Also contact local and state news agencies, the police will be much more likely to follow up the course of justice if the public eye is on them, instead of sweeping it under the rug. I'd also recommend filing charges against that woman for falsely reporting a crime, put her on blast so people know what a shitty human she is. [OOP response](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13tm0pm/comment/jlwkzqk/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3): *I just don't think I can put my gf in that situation, let alone myself. Reliving this trauma will take years off our lives. The one good thing is that the mini golf was not in the same city where our house is, so a different police department.* *I think my gf would be in danger of having a mental breakdown if she tries to relive any of this stuff. It's already bad enough that she can't see a therapist about any of it. I guess I can try to be her therapist but it's tough cuz I'm traumatized too, even if not as much as her. Between being black and Cuban with some family members having spent years in jail under the dictatorship, her mind went right to the very worst case scenario and I don't blame her. She was so scared.*  Commentors made suggestions about legal action and suing the police, [many suggesting the ACLU](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13tm0pm/comment/jlxpzui/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) and Lambda Legal. One comment was an excellent [compendium of resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13tm0pm/comment/jlxtyth/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) in the Houston area from u/ScaredArmadillo69, and a resource for [LGBTQ mental health resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13tm0pm/comment/jlxuz0n/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) from u/AbFabFreddie.   &#x200B; [**UPDATE**](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13upsjd/tw_gf_and_i_spent_the_night_in_jail_update/)**– Posted May 29, 2023 (2 days later)** So we got the footage from the mini golf place, they were more helpful than I was expecting. The footage comes from a good direction so it shows the woman smirking, making the phone call, and then the police pulling guns on us. After doing a little digging I found the pos who did this to me on social media. Both of the officers who arrested us are following her on multiple platforms, with comments on her posts going back years. They obviously knew each other and I'm guessing that she didn't call 911, but she called her 'friends' to do a favor for her, to scare the gay out of us or some shit. They knew they didn't have any evidence cuz we got let out, not bail or anything, after only a few hours. Just wanted to let people know that I'm trying to compile as much evidence as I can, but we're not gonna take any legal action until my gf has had a few therapy sessions, as right now if she's forced to relive any of this trauma she could have a mental breakdown, she's as close to it as I've ever seen in 16 months of dating.Thank you all so much for being supportive, I really appreciate it and hopefully we will get through this together. Please be safe out there!\*hugs\* -a texas transbian *Update in update post*: My gf and I are switching apartments, to the floor above, so that if the woman tries to retaliate she'll have the wrong place. &#x200B; **OOP comments in update post:** [(1)](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13upsjd/comment/jm66697/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but we can't really see a doctor so easily. To put it plainly neither of us have insurance. Our jobs are more freelance style. So I don't think this is an option.* [*(2)*](https://www.reddit.com/r/actuallesbians/comments/13upsjd/comment/jm6631g/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) *I'm reaching out to a lawyer tomorrow. My girlfriend's parents know somebody who works as an attorney in Beaumont, and we're gonna give him a call.* Many Redditor comments about documenting everything, getting screenshots of the dodgy social media posts, connecting OOP to resources, legal suggestions, etc, and emphasizing the importance of speed on this matter to ensure recordings are maintained. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ I really hope OOP gets a good lawyer and sticks it to these cops! **Reminder: I am not OOP, this is a repost sub.**

LGBTQ Couple arrested for PDA at mini-golf in Texas

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Cheeseballfondue

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