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A few days ago I (NB, 22) awoke to my brother "Daniel" (FTM, 26) loudly explaining to our other sibling "Charlie" (NB, 31) that he had a panic attack at work, and was sent home early. Seeing our mom was still sleeping, I quickly walked over and warned him he was gonna wake her up. She has chronic issues with sleep. I said nothing about waking me up, since at that point I didn't really care I just wanted to make sure he was okay. He got quieter but still explained the full story- that he's been having nightmares, it was super busy in a small space, and it got to be too overwhelming. He then went to the backroom, where he burst out crying and hyperventilating. This was the first time he'd been able to cry for months due to a medication side effect. His boss and 2 coworkers came in, one blaming himself for asking Daniel to do something with customers, and Daniel assured them that it was unrelated to the workplace. I suspect it may be because of a recent situation with our transphobic grandmother, but I have no proof of that. They asked him if he needed to go home, and he said yes. Daniel has a history of depression and and anxiety, though it's gotten better since he transitioned and we moved away from his abusive ex. It got very bad in particular once, years ago, when he ran away threatening harm to himself and police were called for his own safety. About a month ago, I also had a panic attack, after a trigger from a recent trauma. Charlie found me first, then Daniel came in later as I was calming down. I was planning on telling our mom myself, cuz she had to know not to do the triggering thing. However, Daniel and Charlie told her by text right after it happened. When I questioned this to her, she got a confused look on her face and said "Of course they did." This gave me the impression that we were supposed to tell her. So, I waited until our mom woke up and told her about Daniel's panic attack. He later got mad at me for telling her, saying it was not my business to share. AITA? Edit: Fine with being called TA, but I want to make something real clear: This was NOT a revenge scenario. I was thinking of his safety, not getting back at him for telling. That literally never even crossed my mind.

PessaLee

AITA for telling our mom about my brother's panic attack?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hr6ij/aita_for_telling_our_mom_about_my_brothers_panic/

17hr6ij

I found 2 options for my outfit for my wedding that I think are beautiful, everyone during my dress shopping verbally said wow! I will say it is agains't the "norm" in terms of style and cut but they are beautiful outfits none-the-less. However, my mother-in-law, who I sent a picture of my number 1 choice to does not like the idea of me wearing it. Did I need to send a picture? No, but I wanted to make her feel included. I tried to meet her in the middle and showed her the second option and she shot that down as well. She wants me to wear a traditional cut and style even though I have explained that that is something I do not want to do. ​ AITA if I don't wear something she wants or picks out?

Tough-Appointment-48

AITA for wearing what I want at my wedding?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hrck1/aita_for_wearing_what_i_want_at_my_wedding/

17hrck1

It's Halloween in a new house in a new town. We moved five months ago. My (44M) wife (47F) wants to hand out full size candy bars so we can be the cool house. Ok. That sounds like fun I guess. As I do all the grocery shopping, I buy 24 Hersey bars, 72 Sour Straw bars, and 24 boxes of Good'n'Plenty. (I priced it out on multiple websites and grocery stores before buying.) I will also pick up a 10 pound bag of Tootsie Pops / Tootsie Rolls later in case we have a lot of kids, as I have been warned we are in the "rich people" subdivision and there are a lot of kids that stop by. Maybe some Lemonheads too, idk. My wife told me I was an asshole for buying licorice Good'n'Plenty candy. I disagree, because: A. Licorice is awesome, and B. It's only like 10% of the overall candy So Reddit, please let me know. AITA?

McRando42

AITA for buying the wrong candy?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hre9y/aita_for_buying_the_wrong_candy/

17hre9y

My husband and I have been married for 10 yrs. At the time his sons were ages 3 and 13. While I have a daughter with special needs that was 18. We all live in a house I inherited after my husband and I got married. My stepsons being now 13 and 23 to say its been a journey is a understatement lol. I love them. Yes they drive me nuts and to know the true meaning of being "Boy Mom" is crazy. I love them like my own, I defend them like my own, raise them like my own. My oldest stepson and I honestly bump heads and when we do its a blow up. I honestly believe its because we're more alike than he would like to agree on just based on our relationships between our other parent. Me and my dad versus him and his mom. I can be honest and say I've had to make changes in how I communicate with men. I started working in this before I met my husband. I'm a reformed man eater in training. My stepson a great kid! Smart, funny, protective of his family and hardworking. He's a great person however his communcation skills like my own needs some work. When he expresses his feelings when he gets angry for whatever the reason he gets to a point to where he doesn't hear what you're saying. He acts like people are just ganging up on him. He becomes mad aggressive and disrespectful which if I don't watch myself triggers the FUDGE out of me. If you try to pin a conversation until cooler heads prevail he wants to push the conversation forward causing more chaos. Its like battling with my Dad ALL OVER AGAIN AND in my house. Just to give an example an agruement sparked between he and I. Something stupid at this point that I don't even remember why. I asked to pin this conversation he says no. We're in MY ROOM when this sparks off. I ask him several TIMES to leave my ROOM and he says NO. Like WTF! I have PTSD from a previous DV relationship so this was triggering as hell for me! My husband and I have talked to him about his communcation and how he expresses himself but he always makes it like we're out for him. I love him but I can't continue having these experiences with him. Its too much and very draining mentally.

JDRobbInDeath

AITA for wanting to kick my 23yr old Stepson out because he is too toxic for my mental health?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hrzeu/aita_for_wanting_to_kick_my_23yr_old_stepson_out/

17hrzeu

It’s a long one. But a few years ago I (33m) was trying to get clean and found myself in between jobs and houses. After lots of couch surfing and moving back into my mothers place I bit the bullet and put a post up on my socials seeing if there was anyone that had a room to rent etc. The only person to actually reply was a person (25f) I didn’t really know at all. We would chat here and there on insta but that was it. She said she had been looking to rent a room out at her place so after I met her in person I wound up leasing a room at her rental on the other side of the city. Each week I would send her my half of the rent and she would forward mine and her share onto the landlord, along with me having paid 2 weeks ahead in rent and another 4 weeks for bond before I moved in. Fast forward a few months and I’ve been put on the rental lease, found a good job close to home and everything was going great. Fast forward another 2 or 3 months and my housemate started to show signs of poor mental health and mental illness and was dealing with an unhealthy relationship that she vented to me on a couple of occasions about which raised suspicions that she was using drugs (meth particularly) and noticed she was taking sick days off work more frequently and wasn’t her usual self. One night, we were talking and she admitted we were a week behind on rent, even though I had sent her my portion of it each week she had spent it on meth, but she promised she was on top of it and nothing to worry about. Fast forward another 4 weeks and I get a call from the landlord informing me my housemate hadn’t been paid the rent for about 7 weeks. So I then arranged to pay him directly each week moving forward. I ended up paying both of our halves of the rent for the remainder of the lease which came to $1655 that I had covered in rent and utilities. She ended moving out to her mothers place and I took the lease over. Because she no longer had a car I knew she would have trouble taking all her furniture and clothes and stuff so said she could keep it all in one of the spare rooms here until she had a way to take it and a place to store it all safely. This was around October 2022. It’s now been 12 months and she hasn’t paid any of what she owes me (which I wasn’t holding my breath for anyway tbh) and she hasn’t taken any of her stuff apart from a few bags of clothing here and there. The fact that she helped me out when I was in a pretty desperate situation and gave me a place to live hasn’t been forgotten and I can see how hard things have been for her, but I’m feel like I’m being taken advantage of and treated like dumb cunt. So I’ve decided to give her until December 1 to come and grab all her things or it’s going to be put in landfill, but I don’t know if I’m being a bit harsh or am I justified? Feel free to ask for more details about any of it and any advice is very welcome

nostrildamussss

AITA for telling my old housemate to grab her stuff or I’m going to throw it in the trash?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hs3ct/aita_for_telling_my_old_housemate_to_grab_her/

17hs3ct

Recently went to a long awaited wedding with my GF, then after we went to a reception: she was nervous throughout all of it. So I tried my best to get along with her friends and family and just everyone at the wedding. Just for context we are Hispanic and everyone else at the wedding excluding 3 other people were white. There were 150 people at the reception and I really didn’t care about the race thing but someone I was hanging out with at the wedding pointed it out. Regardless of my gf being a little uncomfortable and the 3 other Hispanic people being nervous. I said “F*** it” and danced the whole night, had a great time with everyone to the point I was the center of the party at some point. Race, religion and everything else didn’t matter because everyone was having fun, sure it took some time but after I started dancing everyone became more comfortable. They were literally cheering me on it was like a scene out of a movie —- then the backlash started; I was sitting next to someone who clearly didn’t want to talk - so I tried to have a conversation with them to lighten the mood. They instantly got up and moved - so I started to wonder why they were so upset when that was the first time I ever met them. I couldn’t help but think of the race thing, (yes they were white) Then I started to look around, some people were actually upset that I was the center of the dance floor. I really don’t know why everyone was upset, I knew how to dance pretty well and someone even started mocking me after they asked me to dance. I was shocked because I thought everyone was having a good time. So I went to the restroom and started thinking - why would these people I don’t know be so offended that I was dancing. After I came back, they started playing alternative rock, so I jumped in and knew all the songs and every beat, maybe they didn’t expect me to know the song lol. Was I the asshole for being the life of the party, and why were people so upset and dismissive to me? Do you all think it was a race thing or just an insecurity thing? A side note, there were only a dozen people acting that way to me, but that’s a lot versus one person so it upset me and I was also pretty tipsy at the time. I’m at a loss as to why they would mock me and ignore me for simply dancing….idk lmk Also why does all this crap happen in weddings, I’m so over weddings. Edit: thank you for the responses I sincerely appreciate it. I understand that my actions could seem extra but I just like to dance. I’ll definitely tone it down from now on.

Initial_Following_71

AITA for being the life of the party?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hs41w/aita_for_being_the_life_of_the_party/

17hs41w

cw mention of pet death ​ I live with my parents. Recently they hired someone to come clean the house once a month. So far she's been over twice. (The only interaction I've had with her was telling her to skip cleaning my room, thanking her and apologizing for the confusion, and then hiding away in said room.) The first time she came over, she interacted and was fairly enamored with my senior cat. He's a very sweet and easy boy, and quite handsome if I do say so myself. She took pictures of him and sent them to my mother complimenting him. Maybe a week after that first cleaning, my cat's health took a turn for the worst. In the end, I decided it was time to say goodbye. I was with him when he passed, and it was as peaceful as I could have wished. He'd given me nearly 20 years of love of for that I am forever grateful. My mother apparently mentioned his passing to the cleaner, because when she came back a few weeks later she left a small framed picture she had made: a print of a photomanipulation of one of the pictures she took of him. It's very sweet and a bit unusual, it kind of reminds me of a Lisa Frank drawing. I love it and am honored she took the time; it means a lot that my sweet boy left such an impression on her that she did that after only meeting him once. The problem is the quality of the actual print (not the image). It was pretty obviously printed on a clunky old inkjet printer with visible lines and uneven colors. I would like a better quality print and would be happy to pay for it myself, I just need the original file of course. I asked my mother to text and ask and she refused, saying it would be rude and I should appreciate what I was given. I do appreciate it though. I appreciate it so much I want to do the image better justice. As I will likely be home again when the cleaner is here next I plan on just asking her for it then. WIBTA? PS: I have no intention of saying "hey the print quality you gave me is shit" or anything like that, I would just ask her for a digital copy that I could use as my phone background or something like that, THEN get a new print. Quietly.

keystoneway

WIBTA if I asked for a digital copy of a photomanipulation someone did of my cat (so I can print out a better quality physical copy than the one that was given to me)?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hs5av/wibta_if_i_asked_for_a_digital_copy_of_a/

17hs5av

My wife and I moved in to our townhouse 5 years ago. As soon as we did, our next door neighbor introduced herself and gave us information on everyone in the neighborhood that we neither asked for or wanted. She is definitely one of those nosy neighbors who looks through the back fence, we've caught her, and talks about everyone! I tend to be friendly but keep to myself. While I like to be aware, I don't need to be in everyone's business so I would cut her off when she began gossiping. My wife isn't a gossip either, but has a more difficult time shutting people down. And to avoid any assumptions, we're both women. Over the years this neighbor has started small confrontations with me because I'm "short" or "snippy" with her. She'll want to talk to me through our shared fence, but I work from home and can't just sit and chit chat all day. Plus, that's just so creepy to me! She even accused our dog of being scary one day, then tried to love on her the next. She's also made some pretty racist comments about workers in the neighborhood who "don't speak English" or Black neighbors who "have all those cars". She even tried to accuse a Black family of throwing paint at an elderly woman's car. It was bird poop! Cut to this week. Her landlord had been in contact with us regarding our shared fence because he was replacing his fence and needed our permission to remove and replace the portion we share. We settled everything with him and the workers came today while my wife was out and I was working from home. I get a knock on my door and it's her telling me she stopped the crew from touching our fence because the crew that doesn't speak English was going to tear it down. I was confused because that was the reason we were involved in the process at all. She proceeded to tell me FOUR more times the crew did not speak English. I asked what her landlord told her and she said no one tells her anything, but she knew we had been notified about the work. I then asked if she has google translate on her phone or can call her landlord. I had not been in direct contact with her landlord, but my wife and I discussed it and it was my understanding the shared fence was being replaced. I was short with her because she was being so rude and I had no idea what she was doing at my door in the first place. 15 minutes later the men were taking down the shared fence and she was standing at my back gate overseeing the men!!! When my wife came home, the neighbor came outside to complain about me being mean as if my wife would side with her. This caused my wife to yell at her to leave me alone and I burst into tears in the house. I feel trapped, but wonder if I should have just coddled this adult woman! AITAH?

BooksWithBourbon

AITAH for getting snippy with my neighbor

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hs67z/aitah_for_getting_snippy_with_my_neighbor/

17hs67z

A bit of background, my girlfriend (F21) and Me (M24) have been together for over a year. She comes from a very religious household (church every Sunday,attending every church function, watching other parishioners kids like family, nightly prayer and Bible readings, the works) whereas I did not but harbor no hate to those that do worship. Recently the topic of our hypothetical kids being forced to go to church if her parents watch them, came up. I told her I don’t want her parents forcing my kids to go if they don’t want to. She’s said “if they’re under my parents roof, they follow my parents rules” which is fine to an extent. But I draw the line at forcing my kids to attend church. If my kids want to, that’s one thing, I’ll encourage it. But just like I wouldn’t force them to show affection to family members or eat food they don’t like (obviously after they try it) I won’t force religion on them. I said I’d compromise for holidays like Easter or Christmas. Now my girlfriend won’t talk to me. TL;DR My girlfriend is mad at me for not letting my kids be forced to go to church

J-Pills

AITA for telling my girlfriend that our hypothetical kids won’t be forced to go to church?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hsc8t/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_our/

17hsc8t

So my friend (25/M/Non-binary) and I (22/M) were in my condominium, just chilling. I would occasionally do drugs (nothing hardcore, just weed & psychedelics + benzos for anxiety). He has major anxiety issues & he knew it (he’d always come to come for help). When I told him about acid/LSD, he was interested & curious. I’ve also explained to him that it’s a mind altering substance w/ a long duration (12 hours). He insisted on trying it with me despite my illicit warnings about its potential to aggravate his anxiety. None of what I said deterred him, so I said to him not to tell me that I didn’t warn him (I also have a stash of xanax in case trips go south). I went to use the bathroom and without my knowledge, he took 2 tabs (he claimed to have taken only one) his first time and didn’t tell me about it until the trip ended. I didn’t want to start the trip on a bad note, so I took my tab & we waited for the effects to hit. Once we started to come-up, we were having a great time. (I’m don’t remember the exact timing of the incident since its hard to remember many things during a 12 hr trip) We both were in altered states of mind, and for him, the effects were getting even more potent & he started to complain. I’m no therapist, but I did my best to calm him down & keep him relaxed. It initially worked, but then he started to freak out & demanded me to kill the trip - I was getting a bit pissed off because I clearly warned him and he didn’t listen. He was then yelling and absolutely killed my mood & happy vibes. Pissed off, I banged my hand on my desk and yelled out, “Jesus! Just grow some fucking balls” he stayed silent Somehow we were able to take the xanax easily & we slept 30mins-1hr afterwards (IIRC?) We slept for a while, he left & hasn’t contacted me since. AITAH?

The_UntouchabIe_Man

AITA for losing my temper with my friend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hsdad/aita_for_losing_my_temper_with_my_friend/

17hsdad

I (31F) am getting married at a destination wedding next year. Given that it’s abroad, I know that many of my friends won’t be able to attend, and it seems unfair to the ones that can to make them travel alone. So the plan is to give everyone the option of a plus one. The problem lies with my best friend, Dylan (not real name). He (33M) has been in a long term (4+ years) affair with a mutual friend. Not going to get into the details of that. Suffice to say that it’s not something I morally agree with or condone, but it’s not my business to stick my nose in. If I give him a plus one, there is no question he will be bringing the person he’s having the affair with, and I just can’t stomach the idea of enabling an affair to happen at my wedding. It goes against everything my partner and I are standing for and celebrating on that day. I’ve tried thinking of ways to phrase it so that it leaves some options, such as “you can bring X as your plus one if they are divorced by the time of the wedding” (there has been talk of a divorce, but something always comes up to prevent forward movement), but I feel as though that might be even more of an AH thing to do. So, WIBTA for not giving him a plus one when everyone else will get one and making him travel alone?

onlyaflyonthewall

WIBTA if I don’t give my best friend a plus one to my wedding?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hsjfc/wibta_if_i_dont_give_my_best_friend_a_plus_one_to/

17hsjfc

I (28m) have been friends with John (28m) since high school and was roommates in college. We have been supportive to each other for a plethora of different situations across the years. The most recent is his break up with his girlfriend of 4ish years. Long story short, she was incredibly toxic and it was leading him to have a mental/depression spiral. Which lead to him living at my house for a couple of weeks and countless hours on the phone talking to him about this. I do not regret doing any of this, would not change what I did, and am happy I was able to help him. It did take a huge mental and emotional tole on me though if I am being honest. However, to bring it to current day, we were recently talking on Discord as usual and he mentioned that one of his close friends and he had a falling out. It was late at night, after a long day of work and watching my lil man (single dad). I was about to get off when it came up and he was about to go into everything about what happened, but I cut him off and told him that I genuinely did not have the emotional energy to listen and talk about it that night. He got, somewhat, more quiet in tone and said yeah that's fine. We talked for a couple more minutes and I logged off. That was a few days ago and I have been thinking about it since because we have not been able to talk about it in full yet, I have tried. I feel like I should have taken the time to listen then, but I was tired and no offense to him but his story telling can get long-winded. Am I the Asshole for not being there for my friend, or was it ok that I told him I couldn't?

kreednavillus

AITA for telling my best friend that I didn't have the emotional energy to listen to his problems

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hsq2r/aita_for_telling_my_best_friend_that_i_didnt_have/

17hsq2r

My older brother has a lot of step kids. His wife, Tori, has 2 kids from her first marriage, then a son: Liam (15) from a random hookup, and one more kid from a long term relationship. My brother has a daughter as well. From what he tells me, Liam is the only one without an active dad and the only one that lives with them full time as my biological niece primarily lives with her mom. I assumed Liam living with them full time meant he would get quite a bit of attention but my niece told me that they all seem to forget about him. She has told me that her step mom once said that Liam is the “extra” and not as “cute” as her other kids. Apparently it was a joke… Anyways, Tori invited the whole family over for dinner. At one point they told us all to gather round and Tori told us she’s pregnant. Everyone started cheering, I’ll admit, I was too. But my niece drew my attention to Liam who started crying and walked off. Niece and I followed him and when I asked him if everything was okay he started crying in my arms. I felt sooo terrible. My niece then took him out for ice cream to cheer him up while I went back to the others. They were all very preoccupied and my brother started talking to one of our nephews (NOT Tori’s kids). This nephew then tells us that while he did not make a team, Liam did. My brother was quite surprised because he’s a huge fan of this sport and had no clue Liam was interested as he always thought he was a quieter, nerdy kid. This nephew sorta laughed and said Liam is not a quiet nerdy kid, the opposite actually. He’s very popular at school. After finishing his conversation with the nephew, he approached me and said “Maybe nephew’s confused, Liam’s not that type of kid.” I asked him what kind of kid he thinks Liam is. My brother said that he doesn’t talk to Liam much but according to Tori, he’s “socially awkward,” “sensitive,” and “a little needy.” Tori overheard and was like “Liam? Is he bothering you? Next time he tries to talk to you run or else he’ll never leave you alone… he really is needy.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Especially after how much Liam cried earlier. I told Tori and my brother that they should be ashamed of themselves. I then specifically told Tori that she should’ve kept her legs closed if she didn’t want “needy” children. Obviously my brother kicked me out which I deserved. But Tori is furious and keeps sending me messages about how rude I am and how I don’t know anything about her etc. I even got yelled at by my mom. I sincerely believe they’re all fucked in the head. AITA? Edit: Tori has 4 kids. The two eldest have the same dad who is very involved, Liam’s dad is a deadbeat, and the 4th child has a different but also very involved dad. My niece (my brother’s kid) and the new baby (my brother and Tori’s kid) make the total number of kids 6. I just realized how terrible the formatting is. I apologize and hope this clears it up. Edit: I am NOT giving my brother a free pass. I believe he’s a fucking idiot and the fact that he doesn’t know shit about his stepson is terrible. Yes, I yelled at Tori mostly because she’s the one who kept calling her own son needy. She’s the one who told me to run away from him if he talks to me. That is why I yelled at her specifically.

throwaway91755

AITA? Told SIL she should’ve kept her legs closed if she didn’t want needy kids

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ht2ta/aita_told_sil_she_shouldve_kept_her_legs_closed/

17ht2ta

I (22f) and my fiance (26m) have been together for 3 years. English is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes I might do in this text. We live in Canada so weed is legal here. He already smoked before we got together so I never dared to ask him to stop but I did talk to im about the fact that I would like if he could reduce is smoking because. I am in college and can only work a little because of all the time it takes me to study and do my homeworks while he works full time. Of course I help him every month to pay the bills and I often end up not having enough money to eat and he knows that. Also, he is always high (exept when he is working) so in the little time we can spend together when I am not working, doing homeworks or at school he end up smoking and falling asleep on the sofa or just being super slow and not wanting to do anything. In adition, if we go out and he doesn't have his weed or can't smoke, he will become very rude and will want to go home to smoke. I love him a lot but when I try to talk to him about it he gets mad and says he "needs it to relax". I sometimes wish I would be able to convince him to stop so we could reconnect but his weed really seams to be his priority and he also doesn't want to get help. I told him that if he doesn't stop soon it will ve over because I don't wan't to loose my time being with someone who's only goal in life is to smoke and that I will never have children with someone who smoke. I feal a little bad because I knew he smoke before being with him and I don't feel entitle to tell him to stop entirely but it is also my relationship that is almost ruined now so I realy don't know what to do because of what he says he will not stop or reduce any time soon.

Emilie1111

AITA for wanting my fiance to stop smoking weed

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ht57u/aita_for_wanting_my_fiance_to_stop_smoking_weed/

17ht57u

I (40) female began dating let’s call him H (40) male in early 2023. We met on a free dating site and even on his profile said he wasn’t sure what he was looking for. All the usual lies were told on both sides (as you do when trying to feel someone out) and despite some magenta flags we started hanging out abs things moved at a really fast pace. About 3 months in our relationship, I realized that this wasn’t going to work but after getting out of an almost two decade marriage, I thought it was just me. I was so ready to travel and just be with someone that I paid for lavish gifts and trips be I saw we had both been in the dumps in the relationship department and I felt I deserved to travel and he was for all intents and purposes good company. However by the 6 month mark I was 100% sure this wasn’t what I wanted. So my friends have been asking me to just end it. I’m not good at breaking up so many of my friends have offered to do it for me, one friend went so far as to come by unannounced while she knew I was out running errands to catch him at my home by himself. I was angry with her for doing this and explained to her that I planned to wait until after the holidays… not for any gift giving/getting reasons, but he had a family member pass last Christmas and I just didn’t want him to have two bad holidays in a row. My friend who I am the godmother of her child has told me that my plan is childish and she’s refused to speak to me over the last two months. We normally do a Friendsgiving and I’m hosting but didn’t invite her because H will be there… Am I the ass hole for trying to end my relationship on my terms?

Disastrous-Shift6902

AITA for exercising a long term breakup plan with my boyfriend of about a year?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ht992/aita_for_exercising_a_long_term_breakup_plan_with/

17ht992

I36f had been married to my ex husband for many years, where my children and I suffered nothing but abuse, thievery, insults, physical harm. He was an addict, and an alcoholic. I divorced him and took off with my children, 3 years ago. He didn’t fight for the kids thankfully, and had only see them some holidays. Our oldest son(12) had a terminal illness. He began getting worse. On his last few weeks, I had reached out to my ex multiple times, which he only came to see him once, under the influence, n spent most the time dozing in n out. A few weeks ago, my son passed and I still cannot believe I’m typing that. I called and got no show, I spammed his phone, called his mother, his friends, no show no respond back. We recently held his celebration of life, and I chose not to invite my ex husband. His parents and siblings were invited as they had a relationship with my son. A few days after, my ex showed up at my house crying saying I had stolen that from him, his chance to say goodbye by not Inviting him. I told him I reached out several times and he wasn’t there when my son was alive to say goodbye when he had the chance. He said that wasn’t right, that I was a bitch and I should’ve never kept him from his sons celebration of life. He was furious, I had to have my current bf escort him out. Then later I received text from a random number saying the same things and how he’d now never be able to properly grieve. Aita?

Suspicious-State8018

AITA for not inviting my ex husband to our sons funeral

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htarh/aita_for_not_inviting_my_ex_husband_to_our_sons/

17htarh

Throwaway account. I (32F) have 3 nephews ranging in ages from 13-21. These are nephews from my husbands (40M) side, so his sisters (44F) 3 sons. My husband and I purchased a home 8 months ago, we only have two cats and live our life peacefully, and happily. We moved to a town about 10 minutes away from his sisters house, and now they want to be over all the time. However, they've only been over about 4 times in the last 8 months, thankfully! Every time they have been over for dinner, all three sons, a 13yr old, 15 yr old, and 21 yr old start behaving awfully, rough housing, throwing couch pillows, being loud. It's awful. We have a decent amount of new furniture, and they are ruining it. I told my husband this is why don't want them to visit us! my cats behave better than these 3 guys. His sister will occasionally take the 13 and 15 yr old out to the front and scold them and tell them to stop, which they will for a about 15 mins and then they start up again. At this point my face must say it all, and i really don't give a shit. 2 days ago they came over for dinner, and the exact same thing happened. I couldn't take it anymore, i got up from the dining room table, went tot he living room and shouted "can you please stop behaving like freaking zoo animals, this is my house, and my new furniture and you guys are very disrespectful every time you come over!" "so just stop or don't come to my house anymore!" Not to mention this behavior freaks my cats out. They are not used to being around loud rowdy "kids". we will usually find them in a bedroom hiding under the bed after the visits. I went back to the dining room, and his sister and her husband, got up and said they had to get going, and that they were sorry. They left. My husband agrees with me, but also said i didn't have to shout, and call them animals. He didn't necessarily call me an AH, but now his mom has heard, and she's saying "someone my age shouldn't yell at kids like that" So, AITH??

Live-Bowl4920

AITA for telling my nephews to stop acting like zoo animals?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htka5/aita_for_telling_my_nephews_to_stop_acting_like/

17htka5

I (F23) have always had a complicated relationship with my sister (F24) Ella. As we grew up into teenagers she became depressed and I have always been the one who calms her down. In grade 12 she began dating a guy, Joe, and continued to date him for the next 5 years. I never liked Joe but I didn’t think much of it because I was focused on my own life. During those years my sister and I rarely spoke. It turns out that Joe had been abusing my sister and she felt like she couldn’t talk with me about it because I “had the perfect life”. I obviously wanted to help her now that I knew. But she didn’t want to leave him. Ella just wanted to vent. For months, I listened to my sister talk about her boyfriend abusing her. I felt trapped because I knew that if I kept telling her to leave him, she would stop talking to me again. When he broke up with her, my parents sent me to go talk to her because she was losing it. Her mind was so messed up, that no matter what I said she would go back to him. Ella invited him over and asked me to wait in the other room. I begged her not to let him over, but she wouldn’t listen. He came over and told her if she doesn’t do what he says it’s over. You can imagine what happens next. I called 911 and stormed into the room and told him to get out. He saw that I was on the phone and left. In my head, I did the right thing, but my sister cried how she would never forgive me for ruining her life. I had to be the one to tell my parents what happened. They tried to convince her to press charges but she wouldn’t and went back to him. Fast forward and Ella tells me she’s finally ready to leave Joe. And she does… to get with another guy. Dave (M24), lives farther away and she has already went to stay with him for 2 months. While Ella was with Dave, I asked her if she can come to a special event. She said yes, then told me a right before the event that she wanted to spend as much time with Dave as possible and asked if it was okay for her to miss it. I said I’d be upset if she missed it because I never ask anything of her. She said that it’s okay if I’m mad and hopes that someday I can forgive her. The reason why the event was so important is because I knew it’d be the last time I see her before getting engaged. (My partner planned a trip and I knew they were gonna pop the question). I’m engaged now and I have been back from my trip for 3 weeks now. My sister has not come to visit me once. She just talks with her new boyfriend everyday over the phone and she goes to see him whenever she can. I’m angry. I feel like I do everything for her and she doesn’t care about me. Looking at the pattern, Dave is another abuser in my eyes. When her and Dave fight or break up, I know she will call me crying. And I can’t help her without destroying myself. Someone please tell me, would I be TA if I stopped being there for her?

Jealous_Juice6758

WIBTA if I stopped being there for my sister

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htnfb/wibta_if_i_stopped_being_there_for_my_sister/

17htnfb

I'm really confused about this situation. To sum it up, my mom gets mad when I obsessively clean the house. For context, I've slowly left my childhood home as I've studied in university for 5 years, and it was financially hard to visit my parents every week, but still I've always had a good relation with them and I've always liked to visit them. In the meanwhile, I got acostumed to a new lifestyle. My parents didn't teach me the basics of hygiene during childhood, they didn't care that much and for years I didn't either. Everything changed when I got my own home, it felt like a fresh start and I felt at peace to live in a clean space, and having dirt and messes made me freak out. I became more and more uncomfortable staying in my parents' house because it was always really dirty, moldy (humidity problem in the house, some parts of the walls are really black) and filled with dust (i'm allergic to dustmites). Every holidays was just cleaning the most I could, catching a bad cold, coughing, and doing it again for the next time. It was frustrating but I could manage with that. On september tho, I returned to my parents' home bc my job left me with a burn-out and they gladly welcomed me, which I found deeply touching. The problem is that their absence of hygiene is driving me mad. I can't stay with a dirty environment without catching a cold, coughing, etc so I committed myself to cleaning thoroughly and pointing out to my mother/father when/where it was dirty. The thing is that she's getting more and more irritated when she sees me cleaning. If I scrub the kitchen counter in the middle of the afternoon whenever she wants to serve herself a coffee, she will show her irritation, and I keep multiplying these kind of situations. One time I noticed that a jar of jam was moldy (bc not put in the fridge but stored at room temperature) and I said it was stupid to put it there, and it vexed her. 1 hour ago, I was doing the laundry and she saw me putting towels to clean at 60°c. She said "but they won't be soft, cleaned at this temperature", I answered that I wanted to get rid of the bacterias (which I find important since mices are currently hanging out in the bathroom at night), and she got mad saying "I'm getting replaced anyway in this house. I don't even own it". I think I understand that she is getting mad that I interfere with her system, but I just can't put up with dirt and uncleanness. I know that when I was a teenager I wasn't helping out a lot, but I willing to do it now. My father sees it from a good eye and even teach me to do some things around the house, but I feel like my mom is slowly hating me. She won't talk to me sometime, and I feel hurt because we've never had arguments like this before. ATH and just being self centered and insensible ?

theophiledeviau

AITA for constantly pointing out to my parents how dirty the house is ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htq8c/aita_for_constantly_pointing_out_to_my_parents/

17htq8c

Backstory: My (36m) ex-wife (36f) and I were elementary sweethearts. We got married in our late 20s. We had infertility issues for years and had to go through IVF. We were both ecstatic and loved our baby girl very much. A year after giving birth, she decided to cheat again (total of 3 times) and I forgave her for all incidents. She eventually decided to divorce me due to the advice from her trusty “friend/sister” who was also cheating on her husband when our divorce happened. Fast forward, immediately after we finalized the divorce, she and the guy (Colombian) she was cheating with moved in together. Our daughter was 2yo at the time. She’s extremely attached to me and I treasure every second I have with her—more so because of the infertility issues her mother and I had to go through to have her. We both understood that our daughter was attached to me, so she refused to do any “FaceTime” because it would make it hard for our daughter to transition. I accepted this even though it was extremely difficult—my only focus is my daughter’s happiness. My ex and the guy eventually have their own child together on top of his other kids from the other mother. He is originally from Colombia and they plan to take a trip there in December. My ex knew I would never agreed to my little girl (now 5yo) to going, so she said I could FaceTime our daughter everyday during the trip. I was hesitant and leaned towards “No,” but at the end of the day I just want my ex to be happy so I researched the country and even spoke to people from that region and they advised me to take extra precautions. I agreed to let her take our little girl to Colombia under the circumstances: she provide me a copy of the guy’s driver’s license in case of the worst situation—considering it’s Colombia (known for narcotics distribution, kidnapping, and civil unrest among other things). My ex is Caucasian and my girl is mix, but she looks very much like Caucasian. Ex says they’re only visiting areas that are safe and away from the areas that are listed on the government website as “Do not visit”. I’m concerned for my little girl’s safety. She says all the information I need about her Colombian boyfriend will be left with her mother. I just don’t want to be dealing with the mother if sh*t happens while they’re there… Any advice would be great. Also, AITAH for requesting that information (for worst case scenario)?

Last_Interest_4359

AITAH for refusing to sign the notarized letter to allow my child (5yo) to travel to Colombia?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hts5b/aitah_for_refusing_to_sign_the_notarized_letter/

17hts5b

I have an 8 year old son with my ex. We separated almost 4 years ago when I learned he was sleeping around throughout most of our marriage and he even had a girlfriend for over a year. He moved in with her after I started divorce proceedings. Their son was born during the divorce. Ex and I share custody and split Christmas every year. We do all our communication through an app. Or we're supposed to anyway. Ex's girlfriend left him and their son just after the baby turned 1. He's now 3. Whenever I see ex's mom, who lives 20 minutes from me, she always mentions how she wishes I was the mom to her other grandson and how sad it is he doesn't have a mom. I was always a little suspicious of comments like that because what good do they do? It made me aware that he and his family might want me to be involved in this little boy's life. Last week ex texted me and said he was thinking about the future. How he has two boys and how he wants his son to grow up with memories of Christmas always including his brother and maybe having more family than he currently does. So how about we stop with the conflict and come together every Christmas and I could get to know his son more and be part of his life and we would both see our son Christmas Day. He brought up how our son isn't really as close to his son as he wanted him to be and that his son smiles whenever he sees me and would love to interact with me. The text was long and he brought up a lot of points. To sum it up he wanted us to do joint Christmas' going forward and for me to be in his son's life. I ignored the part about his son and I said no to joint Christmas'. Ex did not leave it there and he tried to convince me by using the "I know you hate Christmas when our son isn't with you" and he's not wrong. But we are not going to get along enough for that. His cheating ended any chance for that. I also do not want his son to become attached to me or seek a mom figure in me. So I said no and no again when he didn't give up and I stopped replying. I saw ex and his mom Wednesday when I was grabbing some groceries while my son was at his best friend's house. They came right up to me and said I should be more compassionate and see the win in having Christmas all together. His mom again mentioned how sad it is that his son doesn't have a mom and ex told me I am going to come between the boys if our son figures out how much I don't want to be around his half brother. He told me to do better and stop being such an ass to him and his son. His mom was like "be the amazing mom we know you are". She wasn't mad but he was furious and I know it won't be the least time he brings it up. AITA?

Glum-Expert2876

AITA for rejecting my ex's offer to do joint Christmas' with our son?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htssh/aita_for_rejecting_my_exs_offer_to_do_joint/

17htssh

I just started going to school again I was doing home school for the longest time this way my second week or something and I came in late to this one class by like a minute I sat down and realized I didn’t have a pencil so I went up and grabbed one he than said “put that back” I was confused didn’t think he was talking to me I turned around than he said “first you come in late without w pass and now you grab a pencil without asking” I was confused again like the pencils are there for us if we forget also last time I asked him to go to the bathroom he rolled his eyes at me and was mad and wrote me a note like homie make it make sense I haven’t been in school in years give me a break i ended up having to trade my phone for the pencil ( I think the reason is bc I took his pencil last time on complete accident and was giving it back but I fucking forgot it) I feel like it wasn’t that big of a deal I didn’t know I needed a pass I didn’t even know what he meant by that and I took his pencil once I would have waited until it was a common occurrence people make mistakes

Openuptomegirl

AITA for grabbing a pencil and being late

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htumz/aita_for_grabbing_a_pencil_and_being_late/

17htumz

When my spouse and I met, we were a mess. Having a lot of sex, drinking too much, arguing plenty. We ended up getting pregnant after about a year of knowing each other. As soon as he found out I was pregnant, he stopped touching me. Various reason such as new stress from having to provide, not feeling aroused by a pregnant me, living in too small of a space… Then baby came, still no intimacy because of breastfeeding, stress of providing, and now because I was too demanding. Found a stash of hundreds of nude photos of his exes that he was jacking off to the whole time. I told him how much it hurt me, and he said he would delete them all. We moved states, away from all my family, and the heavy drinking and berating started. 2 years of that, finding that he didn’t delete the photos of his exes and just sent them to a secret email. Has a secret Instagram account to save photos of his exes and where they were then. Onlyfans of an ex. I was furious this time, throwing his shit away and violating his privacy regularly. No intimacy at all. I said I was leaving, that we would work something out to be near his son. He begged me to stay, and that’s where the change started. Stopped drinking, started being much more kind, taking work seriously and providing consistently. I stopped going through stuff, stopped nagging, stopped critiquing and behaving emotionally. 2 years later we are healthily communicating, no alcohol, berating, critiquing, criticism. Not even many arguments anymore, we talk things through and are inching our way to financial goals. We get along as a family and support each other, we encourage and speak praises to each other. It all seems great, but in 2 years we have had sex 4 times. He is regularly watching porn because he admits it is a bad habit and he can’t break it. I try not to take it personally, but I’m growing in disgust for myself. He wants to have another baby, but he thinks I’m demanding to much when I say we need to fix our sex life before another child. He says “aren’t you in it for the long run? Can’t you see how much I have already done and changed, I can get over this too. You need to give me time. What, you’re gonna go find another man because we don’t have sex?” My dad was in a dead bedroom for 20 years, I watched him go from a valiant, happy, loving family man to a skeleton of himself. He died from overdose the Christmas of my 18th birthday. I don’t think I can commit to a life of no sex, but on the same hand, I don’t want to invite another man in to my life even in the near future. I’m 26… I feel like my time is running out. I feel like I’m demanding too much, that I have demanded too much from him. AITA for wanting to repair our intimacy before having another child?

Fluid_Worldliness917

AITA By Demanding Too Much

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htv6h/aita_by_demanding_too_much/

17htv6h

I am one of a handful of bridesmaids for a wedding next week. Throughout this whole process the bride has been using all of us like wedding planners; demanding we help with planning her cake, her seating arrangement, finding a dj, booking the venue etc. We have explained to her that those are decisions her and the groom need to make, and we are not her wedding planners. We have physically created and made every single decoration, invite etc by hand, which thats fine. But her other demands are just odd and she's very disorganized. She frequently asks for money or for us to buy things for her as well. She didn't have a dress till this week for example. The Bachelorette party was a nightmare. I was left out of the loop with dinner plans so wasn't able to get off work to make dinner, just the party. When I asked why I wasn't included in this conversation everyone said oh we thought the bride told you separately. I just booked the hotel and was touching base with the MOH who planned to let me carpool with them into the mountains. We had originally planned to leave the night before right after I got off work. Upon texting her and double checking if she wants gas money etc, im told, again, that I was left out of a conversation and plans changed. Now all of a sudden her rehearsal dinner is at noon that day. I was completely left out of this loop again with the same excuse of oh we thought she told you separately. The drive is a few hours long, and don't get off work till 5:30. I am unable to drive as my car needs work and won't make that trip.I no longer have transportation up their either. Her solution was to take an uber, which that time of day and distance is 200-400 dollars;definitely not in my budget. AITA if I decide to not go to the wedding? Clearly I'm not vital enough to keep in the loop so I do not think I will be missed.

_rusuna_

AITA for dropping out of a wedding

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htyb6/aita_for_dropping_out_of_a_wedding/

17htyb6

I've been receiving texts from an online shopping website about order confirmations, I finally clicked on one and it took me to the checkout page with someone's information on it, I can see where they live, their email, what they bought ect, so I emailed the email and the two names matched up, the lady claimed that I was wrong even after sending ger screenshots of the oder messages, her home address ect, her home address matched the one she gave me, she showed me information and how the numbers didn't match but she sent me her information that was on a notes app on your phone instead of the bloomchic information which clearly stated my phone number linked to her account, all I was asking for was her to remove my phone number from her account because it was making me uncomfortable that I kept receiving all her notifications and it made me uncomfortable to know where she lives. After contacting her a second time with more proof, she said she'd contact her attorney if I tried to contact her again to remove my phone number, this lady also has my phone number linked to medical accounts and I receive constant calls about her doctors appointments and insurance . Am I the asshole for wanting her to remove my phone number from her accounts?

Salt-Preparation-849

AITA for wanting her to remove my phone number?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htz5j/aita_for_wanting_her_to_remove_my_phone_number/

17htz5j

My fiance, David, and I are starting to make big decisions for our future wedding. I want my older siblings to be groomsman and bridesmaid's along side or best friends and all of my parents (mom, dad, step mom, step dad) to be in the wedding party. David's mom will be walking him down the aisle and his younger siblings will be ring bearers and flower girls. However, I don't want his step dad, Jon, to be invited to the wedding at all. Before you call me a b*tch for having such a harsh rule, I have more than enough reason for this request. David and I have been together for a few years and Jon has never been supportive. He's a major narcissist and never liked David having a girlfriend because it took time away from using him to work on their vehicles and such. A few months in, I started to see how negatively David's step father treated him and I wasn't going to stand back and watch Jon control him to the point of sacrificing his grades in school. I told David that he needed to stand up for himself and he agreed, but you can imagine how Jon responded. He resented me so much, he did everything in his power to interfere with my relationship. Taking away David's privacy, "grounding" David from seeing/speaking to me, etc. But that's not even the worst of it: when Jon found out I was bisexual, all hell broke loose. Jon is one of the most homophobic people I've ever met and he made it abundantly obvious. He belittled me, degraded David for being with me, accused me of turning his son gay, and even banned me from their house - threatening to have me arrested if he saw my car enter their neighborhood again - but I said nothing because I didn't want to make things worse for David. Fast forward a little and, despite his mother's efforts to fix things, David gets kicked out on his 18th birthday. He comes to live with me at my dad's house until we leave to find our own place a couple towns over. He keeps his distance with his parents and only calls his mom to check on his brothers. Something else to note is that he's extremely racist on top of being homophobic and we will have many queer people and people of color present. Now do you see why I don't want him at our wedding? Well, in recent months, Jon has become kinder to David and more tolerant of me. He is still racist, homophobic, and rude asf, but because he's started changing his attitude towards us, David is having second thoughts about Jon's absence from the wedding. I'm standing my ground on keeping him uninvited - I would rather not have a bigotted white man who casually drops the hard R and F slur at our wedding - but David wants me to reconsider as he thinks his mother might make a big deal of it. Note: Jon (as well as David's mother) has yet to be informed that he is not invited to the wedding. So... AITAH?

True_Cranberry6499

AITAH for not wanting my fiance's stepdad at our wedding?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17htz5m/aitah_for_not_wanting_my_fiances_stepdad_at_our/

17htz5m

My SO and I were given a dog almost 2 years ago by family members (on my SO’s side). For context, they claimed they were getting too old to take care of him, couldn’t keep up with his 2-3x daily walks, on top of being too busy with traveling, as they tend to leave town for extended trips (about a month long). They are frequent travelers and would have neighbors watch the dog when they were out of town. We have heard that he wasn’t always properly cared for during these times, and the previous owners also said they had come back to their dog after a trip with his water bowl bone dry. A few months into owning our dog, they asked to borrow him for a few days. We were understanding and allowed them to do so but only asked if his trip was 3 days instead of 5. Previous owners made a big issue of this saying we’re being selfish and difficult. We still allowed them to take our dog for the 3 days and got him back with no issue. However, this interaction had left a sour taste in our mouths for all future visits, due to the blatant insults we received over a simple ask. Every few months they ask to have him for about 2 days and we allowed them. This past June, we were out of town with our dog and they were upset they couldn’t take him. Now, they asked to have him again and we said no. The reason for this is I have anxiety and depression, my dog has become a lifesaver when it comes to my mental health and I get incredibly anxious/depressed without him. Also, the insults they throw at us any time we are reluctant to let them have him has given us a bad impression and only makes us want to say no even more. After telling them our reason, they said their adult daughter has been suffering with lupus and asked if I would rather have lupus or anxiety. That’s fair, and I feel for her but I also feel they completely disregarded my health concerns and my reasonings. They have become belligerent, telling us we are incredibly selfish, inconsiderate, and have no compassion. Although I feel for them and do feel bad for saying no, I am not okay with the hostility we have received since being given our dog and the complete disregard for our feelings and reasons. Additionally, we have said we’re fine with them seeing our dog for the holidays or family gatherings. Also for background, we are not close with these family members at all and maybe only see them once every year for Christmas. I just don’t understand how someone can voluntarily give their dog up then harass the new owners for visits and become incredibly rude if we don’t comply, regardless of being family or not. AITA?

itsbishiie

AITA for not wanting previous owners to “borrow” my dog?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hu2f5/aita_for_not_wanting_previous_owners_to_borrow_my/

17hu2f5

One of my (50ish F) nieces (30ish F) is getting married soon. The bridal shower was last weekend, and I attended very briefly. It was thrown by one of her college friends, call her Marissa. It was not like any shower I'd ever attended before. Upon arrival, the niece, we'll call her Kelly, was sitting at this weird toilet paper draped throne-like thing. Kelly was decked out in a white dress and tiara. Marissa and her mother Annie, my sister-in-law, basically grabbed gifts from people right as they arrived and delivered them to Kelly on her toilet paper throne to open them immediately - as in before everybody even arrived, was offered a seat, or anything. It felt like we were paying some kind of royal entry tribute to a monarch. The vibe was not what I've ever gotten from a shower before. Kelly immediately opened my gift, which was an ice cream maker that was on her registry. She said a very curt thanks and tossed it to the side with an eye roll. I literally heard her comment to Marissa and Annie about how cheap I'd been as I got shoved off to the side for the next arrival/gift. Marissa cornered me a bit after that and demanded to know why I'd bought something off the friend registry instead of the family one. I had zero idea what she was talking about. Is this a thing? Nobody told me. The invite listed two stores with registries and the bullseye one was convenient. Nothing said one was for family and one was for friends. After indicting my confusion, Marissa said I should have known which was for family and demanded I get a gift card to "make up the difference" before I embarrassed myself. At this point my social anxiety went through the roof. I wanted to fall through the floor. It was everything I could do to not burst into tears right there, and I excused myself right out the back door, to my car, and home so as to not make a scene. I didn't say my respects or go out the front because by then it was crowded with arrivals waiting to have their gift delivered to Kelly on her throne. I also just had no idea what to say. Before I even got home, Annie was blowing up my phone for leaving and for having gotten such a tacky gift that wasn't worthy of family. She's pretty close to alone in being pissed about the gift, but multiple other friends and family have said I should have stuck it out and stayed. I never even looked at the second registry until after getting home, but did discover everything on that one was quite a lot more expensive and way out of my budget. Since when is a shower gift supposed to be significantly bigger than an ice cream maker anyway? She wanted an ice cream maker, although you'd never know it from how Kelly chucked it to the side upon opening it. I can't see how I'm the asshole for getting her an ice cream maker that she wanted that's in my budget no matter what nonsense they want to say about what family deserves, but am I for getting super awkward and just leaving without saying respects or anything?

HereWeAreAgainx3

AITA for leaving my niece's bridal shower early?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hu3ua/aita_for_leaving_my_nieces_bridal_shower_early/

17hu3ua

Hello! I’ve been struggling with this ever since me and my friend have had an argument. Now I know I might be the asshole in this scenario but just bear with me. We’ve been online friends (we will call Gage) for about 4 years. Our friendship was always something special to me ever since we met so that’s why I’ve been thinking this through for so long and didn’t end our friendship. Now for around 6 months things haven’t been so great. We had a lot of arguments and it was mostly about Gage not responding or leaving me or read for weeks and sometimes even up to a month. At first I thought it was just because of stress in school or something like that. But I started noticing he was online even if he said he didn’t have time or something like that. I asked him about it and said that he wasn’t online even tho I’ve caught him a couple of times. He also started to be more cold towards me and I found it kinda odd because we always were on good terms. One day I asked my other friend if he could message Gage since they knew each other. So I waited for Gage to say he is going offline and then told my other friend to massage Gage. As you can already imagine Gage responded. They were talking up to half an hour. The next day I asked him about it (I asked him times before if he needed space or anything). He ofc denied it which made me kinda mad but I kept my cool and continued to try and resolve this. He made up some excuse about needing time which I ofc understood and gave him space. The last straw came when I was in a much darker time and needed someone to talk to. I asked him and he straight up ignored me for days. I asked him why every time he needs someone to talk to I’m always there but he’s never there for me and he just said he’s busy/he was talking to other people. This is what actually broke me since I’ve always been there for him anytime he asked so I told him that he should start treating me more nicely and not just as his therapist friend. At that point I saw that the friend that respected me all those months ago left and I was just talking to someone I didn’t know. It’s been about a month since we last talked and he’s been ignoring me all this time. I genuinely do not know what to do since this really broke me. I feel like our friendship which I cherished for years is now just an old memory. But I do truly want to know if I am the asshole in this story. And for further details or questions that anyone would like to ask I will be available in the comments. I might not reply for a bit but will hopefully reply to everyone in time.❤️

Hey_Its_Danny_

AITA for being mad at my friend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hu6rg/aita_for_being_mad_at_my_friend/

17hu6rg

My boyfriend (40) and I have lived together for five years now, he works nights and weekends and I work a “normal” Monday through Friday 8-4 shift, so we don’t see much of each other. I’m independent so I’m ok with it except a big hinderance is how much he visits his mom. She lives an hour away and he goes out to visit her typically 4 days a week if not more. This puts a damper on the little time we do get to see each other. A little background info, his mom had a lung transplant 3 years ago, and never fully recovered, so she doesn’t do much for herself. In fact the hospital kicked her out (twice) because she refused to do any of her physical therapy and exercises to help her recover so they said there isn’t more they can do if she doesn’t help herself. Her other son (my boyfriend’s 45-year-old brother) lives with her to take care of cooking and basic cleaning. He doesn’t work so lives there for free and helps out. Anyway our biggest fight is how much he goes out to his mom’s to help out and doesn’t help out around our house and makes me feel guilty when I say something and tells me in a sarcastic voice “sorry I’m helping my mom, that is so bad.” He also has three other siblings, two are local and usually go once a week and the other sibling lives out of town so can’t help much. I understand helping your mother, but I feel it’s too much. Anyway he was just at his moms yesterday, I was working from home today and thought we could get some cleaning done but he “had to go to his moms” again. I said you were there yesterday what could you possibly have to do today? He said she asked him to come out and he told her he would (she asks every day). I am fed up so I said either set your boundaries with her and compromise at 2 days a week for visits or move in with her because I can’t do this anymore. And again she lives an hour away so it’s two hours round trip just to go there, not like he’s popping in at his mom’s house down the street. AITA?

Infinite_Set5708

AITA for asking boyfriend to set boundaries and not go to his mother’s house so much

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hu84z/aita_for_asking_boyfriend_to_set_boundaries_and/

17hu84z

My wife and I have 4 kids (12m, 9f, 9f, 7m). This post mostly concerns our daughters. One of our daughters, Ava, is our biological child. We are adopting Emma. Emma and Ava were in the same preschool. The girls were best friends and Emma's bio mom was a single mom so we helped a lot with babysitting, drop offs, and pickups. When the girls were in kindergarten Emma's bio mom started dating a guy with 3 kids and he wasn't interested in raising another man's child. Emma started staying with us for days at a time that year. Over the next 2 years, her mom married the man and had 2 more kids with him. Emma was with us so often that we converted one of the guest rooms to a bedroom for her. Then when the girls were in 2nd grade, Emma's bio mom, stepdad, and step/half siblings packed up and moved while Emma was on vacation with us. Her bio mom reached out to us and said that she and her family needed a fresh start and that if we don't want Emma, she could try to find a family member to take her. My wife and I decided we wanted to keep her and she will be officially adopted in a couple months. Emma is such a sweet little girl. She's so well behaved, she does great in school, she's never had a problem making friends, and she always runs to hug me the second I come home from work. She does have a lot of anxiety and abandonment issues, though, and my family hasn't accepted her. My niece's (6) birthday was 2 weeks ago and Emma's was last week. My niece had a small party in her backyard, we dropped by for an hour, brought her a dress and lego set, and left. For Emma's birthday we had a pretty extravagant party at the park. There was a bounce house, princess, face painter, and crafts set up on the tables. We had over 20 kids plus my wife's family come and it was great. My family stopped by the house to say happy birthday and drop off a couple gifts, then Emma started to open her gifts. Her 2 big ones from us were a phone and a kids moped thing (it's perfectly safe, easy to balance on, and has a max speed of 8mph). She also got a couple small toys and some clothes from us. When my family saw this, they started asking why I was able to do all of this for Emma but could only managed to get my niece a cheap lego set. I told them Emma's my daughter and they said she wasn't and that my niece is family so she should've taken priority. I kicked them out of the house but Emma's birthday was already ruined. I've been getting messages berating me for favoring a "stranger" over my family. AITA for trying to give Emma a special birthday?

aitabirthdaypresents

AITA for treating a "stranger" better than my nieces and nephews?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hud3a/aita_for_treating_a_stranger_better_than_my/

17hud3a

My girlfriend and I have been dating for just under a year. But before this we dated for 2 years before taking a year and a half long break. We live in the same city but 40 minutes away. She works as a nurse whilst I’m a freelancer and even though her work is near my house, she still prefers the 40 minute drive back home. Now we see each other every day, but almost 99% of the time it’s me making the 40 minute drive out to her. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t stay at my house or come out to me very often and she says it’s because she just has all her stuff at home so it’s easier for her. Now for context, we are travelling next year so money is something she says she’s being cautious of. About a month ago we had a big disagreement about joined efforts, and I expressed my feeling I was making a bigger effort for us to see each other and she somewhat agreed and apologised but her takeaway from that convo was that we may have to see each other less, as she can’t promise being able to drive out to me in order to save money for travelling next year and said I should do the same and we’ll just have to be okay with not seeing each other as much. To save money I even caught the bus out to her a few times which is an hour and a half one way to show I’m committed to seeing each other but also committed to what she’s said. Yesterday she said she signed up for an expensive gyms 6 week challenge, she talks about worrying about money and this thing is $85 extra a week. The gym is near both her work and my house, and she’s now said after our convo only a few weeks back that she’ll happily come and stay at my house more. I immediately got annoyed at her and vocalised this. I told her I felt frustrated because one, she spent money when she said that was something that meant we had to cut down seeing each other, and two, she now has said she’s happy to come stay with me at my place more now and I just feel frustrated because I feel like she’s doing the opposite of what she said she was able to do only because it’s convenient for her now. She responded with “if you think thats how I view you and want to use you then you really don’t know me”, and something along the lines of, “I just saw it’s a chance for us to spend more time together and I can come to you for once but you haven’t taken it that way at all”. She left to go her first day of the challenge and I didn’t say goodbye to her. I have ADHD and tend to spiral on one loose thought and also have trouble articulating myself at times, so I wanted to come here and ask if I Am the Asshole.

HereAndVirgin

AITA for calling my girlfriend out for this?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hudja/aita_for_calling_my_girlfriend_out_for_this/

17hudja

My (38f) coworker (20f) Megan consistently either calls out sick for 1-3 days or comes in to work but leaves before lunch and calls out sick the next day every single time she has her period. We work for a very small company and her absence increases my workload by around 50%. I might not be so annoyed if Megan were normally a hard worker but she is not. She is constantly trying to get out of doing work, complaining about her very reasonable workload, and leaving early. She also comes in late many days saying she accidentally slept in and couldn’t call because her phone died or was shut off. Today she came to me and asked if I had a pad because she started her period. I offered her a light pantyliner because that’s the only pad-like thing I had and said I could drive her to the pharmacy if she needed something more substantial but she declined. Then she went to the manager and asked to leave for the day because she was afraid she was going to have bad cramps. The manager asked if she needed some pain relievers but she declined because pills upset her stomach. She left for the day. I am particularly annoyed because I am also on my period right now and have a larger workload than her yet I’m able to manage just fine. I realize I have had a few more years to figure out how to deal with periods, and may have an easier time with mine in general but it feels like she’s using her period as a get-out-of-work pass.

normanrockwellnormie

AITA for getting annoyed that my flaky coworker always calls out or goes home sick on her period?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hudzr/aita_for_getting_annoyed_that_my_flaky_coworker/

17hudzr

Alright, so me 18(f) and my older sister, 20s(f), had a bit of a fight, or at least I think so. This sister doesn't live in our home country, instead living abroad with her fiance. She's the oldest among us siblings. And as a result was a tad parentified by our mom. However she never speaks badly of this. Moreso a 'I used to watch you guys when mom was at work' kinda stuff. She's not resentful at the very least, in fact she's the opposite. My sister is overly affectionate and loving, and very often irritating. We've all (my siblings and I) tried to establish boundaries but my sister just continuously disrespects them. Like I hate hugs. But she forced them on me as well as kisses and tickles. I hate it so much. It makes me feel gross, skin on skin contact. And I honestly wanna just shove her off of me anytime she does it. She knows this. I've said it so many times. Well this recent enough event occured. And I truly would like some feedback or outsiders opinion. She was visiting for the first time since Christmas, so we went out and had a day for ourselves. We went to see a new movie. And my sister was an actual child the entire time. Whenever she laughed, she'd hit me jokingly, or shove her face into my neck. Remember the hatred of skin on skin touch? She kept vaping and trying to hide it. She kept asking questions about scenes that JUST happened. She nearly ruined the whole thing for me. I just tried to ignore her the whole time. She continued doing this for two whole hours. Afterwards I was fully pissed. She seemed unaware, and tried talking to me. I was stonewalling her, not answering. Until I snapped and listed the above. She always does this kicked puppy look, and says 'I didn't know. I'm sorry'. She always does shit like this. She doesn't seem aware of literally anyone or anything, then acts all surprised when everyone is mad at her for acting like a kid. She's on a bunch of medications, plethora of mental shit wrong in her brain due to our mothers abuse. But none of it is intellectually related. Just trauma. I ignored her the whole way home, walked ahead of her a decent bit. Can anyone actually explain why she's like this? Like a clingy toddler? I'm just so done with her and my constant broken boundaries.

Spirited-Set4579

AITA for blowing up at my sister

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hue5t/aita_for_blowing_up_at_my_sister/

17hue5t

WIBTAH if I filed to terminate my exs’ rights? For context I am 24f and my fiancé is 24m. I have two children Raya( 4f) and Sam(1m). I have my ex who we will call Calvin and he is in his 30s. When I was in the military I was young and dumb and fell in love with Calvin.And so we continued to have a relationship when I got out of the military. He got stationed in Texas so I moved there to be with him because I was pregnant with his child (Raya). Things were okay until I got extremely sick. (Almost resulted in losing my baby because of how sick I got.) He would stay out late, he was buying expensive stuff that we couldn’t afford and he didn’t care that I was very sick. At 7 months pregnant you couldn’t tell I was pregnant. So my parents flew me from Texas back to California. And they took care of me from there. Calvin came to visit me to see the birth of our child. During labor he was on his phone the entire time and he was not comforting at all. Anyways that was just a sum of how we met and what happened during my pregnancy with my first child. Onto todays current problem. So I’ve made efforts into taking my daughter (Raya) to see his family twice, (mind you they live across the US and traveling with a young child is not easy). I’ve even stayed there for a couple months both times so that I could try to align his leave time with the time that I could get off of work. Both those visits he did not make the effort to try to align his leave with my time off. So he didn’t get to see her as my life does not revolve around his. He does not ask me how she is doing, he doesn’t send financial support and he has not seen her since her birth (she is now 4). He used the military as an excuse as did his family, when for all of his leave he would be using it to see his family and to not see our child. His mother keeps bugging me to see my daughter but I’ve gone to an attorney and the attorney said I’m not required to let his family see the child due to his abandonment. My fiancé is wanting to adopt Raya and he’s been the one to give her what she needs financially and emotionally and she calls him dad. He’s been in her life since she was 18 months. So he is all she knows. But Calvin doesn’t want to sign his rights away due to “his pride”. And he likes to use my decisions that I made when I was 19 against me. (I wasn’t the most honest person but I’ve done a lot of changing and growing in my life thanks to my fiancé.) I have family telling me “he’s still the father” and “I’d be a cold hearted btch”. (And more of course LOL). So Reddit. WIBTA if I just went to petition to sign his rights away? (Sorry it’s long, but I’m trying to give as much detail as I can. Also using fake names.)

A_McHugh

WIBTAH if I filed to terminate my exs’ parental rights?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hurfa/wibtah_if_i_filed_to_terminate_my_exs_parental/

17hurfa

My manager admitted to nepotism in the workplace saying they only hire people who know someone in specific departments such as sales and marketing. I asked why and he said because there’s an executive vouching for them so they are guaranteed the person will be a good worker and they don’t want to upset the executive who referred the person. They said they’d also give the salary to someone an executive knows. I asked how that’s fair because there are other talented people who are looking for employment who aren’t given a chance. It also seemed like a clique. He said that’s just the way things are and told me I need to not worry about it since I have a job and it’s not affecting me. I told him I just know people who have applied to other companies who can’t find work and that just broadened my perspective.

notanepo

AITA for calling out my boss for hiring based on nepotism?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17husj1/aita_for_calling_out_my_boss_for_hiring_based_on/

17husj1

I work for a company that sells apparel and active equipment. Every year the owner and my boss goes to a big chain store across state lines to get apparel and equipment that may be slightly used or is just not selling well that we could sell in our store. They buy big boxes of this stuff every year for a huge discount. This year however they got asked if they wanted to buy two big boxes of defective and damaged goods for $20. Now these boxes are 5'x5'x5' and hold a great deal of items. They agreed to purchase the box as they thought somethings would be salvageable. Today I walk in and got told to go through these defective boxes with my coworker. So my coworker and I and scanning through all the items and nothing is coming up as being able to sell for multiple reasons. There were used water bottles with broken rims, heavily worn shirts with holes, and shoe inserts that were very obviously used. We told the owner that we do not feel comfortable selling these items and that this is all pretty much junk (there was the occasional item like a hat in a bag without a tag or an unopened tin of tennis balls). The owner told my coworker and I to just go through it all and take out everything to the dumpster that we deemed not sellable. The owner wasn't upset about this as it was only $20 for this huge box and we had made more than enough profit. So we took the box out to the dumpster and starting throwing out the junk. My boss came out and was upset that we were throwing away all of the aforementioned stuff. We told him that the owner told us to throw away all the items we deemed unsellable away. He jumped into the dumpster and starting shifting through all the items we had thrown away and was getting mad. He started taking out used water bottles that had liquid in them saying "They could be cleaned and sold". There were football and rugby mouth guards that were starting to deteriorate in the package that were taken out to be sold NEW* in store. I told my boss that I do not feel comfortable selling these items to customers as new or used, that they shouldn not be sold at all. He said told us to "Use your fucking heads and think about what we are throwing away". I told him he doesn't have a moral compass if he thinks this is right. I would be furious if I was a customer and I found out where all of these so called NEW* items came from. TL:DR Told my boss that he is morally skewed if he thinks selling used and broken items as new items in our store.

UnknownWeirdoo

AITA for having a moral compass?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17huv1j/aita_for_having_a_moral_compass/

17huv1j

I (29f) am getting surgery this upcoming week. My boyfriend (27m) and my brother (29m) will be accompanying me for support and to take me home after my procedure. My bestfriend (32m) and I got into an argument about a month ago because I told him his bf was not invited (reason being is that his bf is very explosive, verbally, and mentally abusive towards him) to our 4 year olds sons birthday party. He said he felt like I was excluding him out, but I know I was not in the wrong one bit. A week ago he (my bestfriend) reached out to me apologizing and I accepted it and we moved on. Yesterday, I finally told him about my surgery (which I found out today that he knew about my surgery for 3 weeks and didn’t even bother to ask me how I’m doing) my bf (which is also his friend) was the one who informed him about it in the hopes that this would get us to get along again and for him to finally reach out to me after the bday party issue. Anyways, he told me he wanted to go and I politely declined with a response of “I already have my bf and brother taking me, plus I don’t want to inconvenience you” I specifically said this because he lives about an hour away from me and has a v8 vehicle, and tbh I don’t want to see his bf (he takes him EVERYWHERE bc the guy has major trust issues) this plan of mine has been set in stone for a month, on top of that, my brother already asked for the day off. My bestfriend just lost his job and has no money (we help him from time to time with groceries and gas money when he needs it even before he lost his job) and tbh he just hasn’t been reliable and I cannot be stressed out when my surgery day comes. I thought that he would be understanding about the situation because we haven’t been on speaking terms when I was planning all of this. AITAH for calling him out on his bullshit after he said I was being passive aggressive with my response? I’m going to insert the messages, but at this point my bf and brother advised me that it’s probably best (even though I know it’s going to hurt me) to end the friendship because he (my bestfriend) keeps making everything about himself. He never used to be like this (until he met his bf who manipulates him) First it’s our son’s party and now this. He hasn’t even bothered to ask me if I’m okay or I’m in pain. NOTHING. He just got upset and assumed that I was being passive aggressive because I declined for him to go. Here are the messages between him and I Me: “Hey I’m getting surgery next week :/“ (Mind you it took him a whole 24 hours to respond back to me) Bestfriend: “Yea I heard (bf) told me and I told him I'd be there if you want me to” Me: “No it's ok, I have (bf) and my brother going with me, plus don't want to inconvenience you. It’s an hour the opposite way, if (bf) h as to pick you up, it’d be a total of 3 hours of driving” Me: “I would've loved for you to go with me but we haven't really been on speaking terms, my brother already took the day off too for it” Bestfriend: “Well it is your choice, if that's how you felt at the time I'm not upset at you or offended at all” Me: “I would assume you wouldn't be upset or offended. Plus you have a gas hog and my surgery is in *********. Totally the opposite way” Bestfriend: “Ok well is it because you don't wanna inconvenience me or because you thought we weren't on speaking terms because you'll need to pick one, Because I don't have energy to waste on high school pettyness rn I'm sorry I dont” And that’s where all hell broke loose on both ends and I did not hold back because at that point he was just being too much. AITAH? I hope I gave enough info! Thanks in advance.

One_Luck_5733

AITAH? My bestfriend said I was being passive aggressive based off a response telling him he didn’t need to accompany me to my surgery.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17huxlz/aitah_my_bestfriend_said_i_was_being_passive/

17huxlz

I (22F) went to a party this hallo-weekend with a few friends. A little quirk I have is being able to recognize songs quickly. I've just always known a lot of songs, and learning lyrics is something I enjoy. We were chatting with a few people I hadn't met till that night and multiple times songs had come on that I liked so I sang along to them. My close friend, as a joke, said "You literally know every song." To which I replied "Yeah I literally know every single song in the world I can't lie." I said it in a fake-arrogant way. Some random dude in the group heard me and started trying to challenge me on it. He started saying stuff like "No you don't, that's impossible!" He then went to his Spotify to bring up songs to test me. He got weirdly passionate/aggro about it. I really didn't think it was that serious so I deadpanned "I'm obviously joking." I got a few laughs from the group, and I guess he got embarrassed and went silent for the rest of the night. I heard from a few mutual friends that he thought I was a b word. So am I reddit?

asaplulu

AITA For "Making Fun Of" A Guy?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17huyz2/aita_for_making_fun_of_a_guy/

17huyz2

So for context I am a 30 year old male, and my 36 year old sister has a 2 year old daughter. I genuinely do love my niece. I am kind of uncomfortable around small children. I don’t enjoy talking like a baby towards them, but I do try to put effort into playing with her. I just am not a child person in general, but I do love her and would do anything for her if something were to happen to her parents. I have been seeing them a lot more recently so I am around her a good bit already. I would say I see her 3-4 times a month. My family is much more family oriented than I am though and my parents along with my sister think I need to be putting in more effort to be closer with her. They keep suggesting I take her to the zoo, children’s museum etc. I told them maybe I would take her to a park, or just drop her off at my house and they thought I basically said I hate her. I told them I am just uncomfortable taking her myself in public. I just already feel nervous watching a 2 year old myself and I also don’t want to discipline her if she were to act out. They seriously thought I was so strange for saying this. I just don’t know how to say I love my niece unconditionally, but I seriously just don’t enjoy being around small children that much or watching them. I still put in effort though and play with her. I know I am just rambling but AITA? I swore my sister was almost crying after this conversation. After I said it too she seriously made it seem that I must hate her child because we were sitting at lunch and she was like “just talk to her” and then I told her she was just making it more uncomfortable for me now. I don’t know, lol. What do you all think? Edit: just to clarify since the last paragraph is a little confusing, I talk and play with her quite a bit already. I was just saying that once she learned I didn’t want to take her myself because I was nervous about handling a 2 year old myself/sort of don’t want to take that responsibility on, she was forcing interactions between us all of a sudden being like talk with her, it’s not that hard, when I already do that. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like she took that in I don’t like her which doesn’t make sense because I play with her and am nice to her at all times. I also told them I am would love to go with all of them, not just us, sooo….

netx7221

AITA for not wanting to take my 2yo niece to public places with my wife?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17huz86/aita_for_not_wanting_to_take_my_2yo_niece_to/

17huz86

i carry a pouch of cat treats on my walk to work and sometimes i will offer outdoor cats a few. i do not feed them actual food and wouldn’t either. today i knelt down to offer one treat to a cat. someone then banged on the window and told me through the glass ‘don’t give him anything.’ assuming it was the owner, i was quickly apologetic and took the treat away. i probably pissed off the owner, even though i thought i was doing something harmless. AITA?

ruser7488

AITA for giving an outdoor cat a treat ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hv0u8/aita_for_giving_an_outdoor_cat_a_treat/

17hv0u8

My twin brother was killed at a job site, where he was crushed by a bunch of steel that fell on him. There was nothing left of him. So I had to get him cremated. At the funeral, his boss and manager came to his funeral. While there, they said how sad it was for my brother to die, and hugged me, then said they were sorry while acting all sad or in a serious tone. When the funeral ended, I heard laughing outside the funeral, and it was my brother's boss, manager, and colleagues. They were laughing so loud I came outside to hear wtf was going on. Now I feel like people just say that word "sorry," but don't mean it. When I hear it, I get angry. Anyways, I didn't tell anyone my brother died 4 months ago, and somehow, a person from work found out. Asked why I didn't tell them, and then gave their bullshit condolences. So I said, "Stop saying a word you don't mean. You'll feel sad for a second and then forget about this. You don't mean it, and you don't care. So stop saying it." My wife was there and said I was rude. AITA for not accepting people's condolences? Edit: I am not upset about laughter at a funeral. I am upset that a man who owns the company came to his funeral. He refused to tell me how he died besides that he was crushed by something big and made of steel. Not knowing if he suffered, or if it was instantaneous. The manager coming, who has a history of cutting safety measures as well. No one is telling me anything. I was not upset about his friends who came there and laughed. I am upset that a man whose company smashed my brother into paste, so I had to cremate him couldn't stfu for a day and act professional. He didn't know my brother. He owns over 30 shop sites. He isn't sharing memories. He was being rude. Imagine a surgeon who performed a surgery on your loved one, who then died on their table and they couldn't stfu for one day at their funeral or made a ruckus. They can offer their condolences but not tell me htf he was crushed? If he suffered? Then go outside and laugh? I had to call a paramedic I knew to find out it was most likely instantaneous.

Sad-tacos

AITA for not wanting to hear Condolences from People?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hv1g3/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hear_condolences_from/

17hv1g3

My younger sister is finishing up her last year of college and is living at home, so our parents are still very active in managing her social life, compared to me who lives out of state. Her birthday is coming up (this Sunday) and my mom texted me today asking where her present from me was. I told her that I was not giving her a present this year, since the previous three years (when she was 18+ and theoretically adult), she has not gotten me any presents for my birthday, or Christmas, and has never thanked me for the presents I've sent her. Now that we are both solidly adults, I plan to treat my relationship with her like my relationships with my friends and peers - you get in what you put out. My mom is pissed because she says my sister is too busy to shop for presents, and that with our age gap, my sister sees me more as a parental figure than a sibling, so why would she get me a present? But I've been telling my sister for years that she should also be buying our mom and dad presents independently, and that it's an important sign of respect. Also, it's not like my sister is going to notice the missing present from me. She's notorious for waiting a super long time to even open presents (she didn't open her Christmas presents until mid-January this year) and she doesn't keep track of her things either, she's constantly losing stuff. So I think she won't notice, or she will notice, and realize that she needs to make more of an effort to connect with me if she wants presents. Is this an asshole move?

Careful_Tailor_2910

AITA for not sending my (30M) sister (22F) a birthday present on purpose?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvbr4/aita_for_not_sending_my_30m_sister_22f_a_birthday/

17hvbr4

You might be looking at the title and already have your answer but wait till I tell you the story. My name is Kaylee, I'm 17(F) and I've previously worked in two restaurants. My last day of work for my old employer was August 25th 2023. I was supposed to get mailed my check and it's now October 27th 2023. I worked 3 days that week but I don't have the schedule from that week does anyone know what I can do? I worked 18 hours at $15/hr. I'm a highschool student who's trying to save up for college and that money could've really helped me. I'm devastated that it's gotten this far. AITA?

Salt-Preparation-849

AITA for wanting to take my last employer to small claims court?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvc1z/aita_for_wanting_to_take_my_last_employer_to/

17hvc1z

I (34F), have been living with my boyfriend (34M) for 10 years. Our female dog is about to get her period and has outgrown her old washable diapers. I was so proud of my boyfriend for thinking ahead and ordering new, larger ones before we actually need them. (He usually procrastinates necessary tasks for weeks-months). He went on Amazon and asked me what her old diaper size was. I was in the middle of doing something, so I told him he could just look it up in our past orders. He was able to find the answer, and then went ahead and made the purchase. I just finished checking the tracking to see when our package is coming in and noticed that he spent more than what I thought it would cost for them. So I go back into the past orders and find the original diapers we had purchased (which were great quality btw) and they are half the price and have plenty of styles in stock! Now I get upset, because why are we spending double when we do not need to? Literally $36 more and receive less items. I get so upset, I wake him up out of bed (mind you, it’s 11:30 AM and he went to sleep at 3 AM) and he’s like “I searched through Amazon, where are you finding this? All of the prices are the same”. So I let him know, it’s from the same seller we had used for her other diapers. His response “I didn’t click into it and see the price, I just checked the size and plus I wouldn’t think an item we purchased from that long ago would still be a low price or even in stock”. I express my frustration of “why is it that if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done correctly” and then he’s just going off about how I’m acting ridiculous and that it’s just $36 dollars and we can return them and get the others, since it bothered me so much. Sure that’s a solution, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he doesn’t care about spending unnecessary $ and if I’m not the one handling the task then I can’t expect for it to be done the “right” way. So, AITA?

One-Assumption-8529

AITA for arguing with my boyfriend for spending more money than he needed to?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvf6a/aita_for_arguing_with_my_boyfriend_for_spending/

17hvf6a

Me(M27) and my GF (F30) just had this conversation again. It always starts with me getting a beer from the fridge or maybe grabbing a gin and tonic at the end of my week. Singular. It's rare that I drink a second beer. She either complains verbally or I get judging looks from the side. It's not that she's against alcohol in general or me drinking it. She drinks plenty herself when we are on a party or with friends. But as soon as I drink an alcoholic beverage on a normal stay-at-home night she dislikes it. Goes on about how I should be wary of not becoming an alcoholic. Imo I'm very far away from becoming one. I have zero addictions. I don't smoke, I don't take any drugs, no pills, nothing. Never had an addiction either. Her personal experience with alcoholics is almost zero as well so there is no underlying trauma for those that would think that. I have no idea why she would think that I am in danger of becoming one. I understand that her intentions are of good Nature but it is still very annoying and it starts to irritate me. If I want to drink a beer (and it's a damn tasty one too) I want to drink it without feeling guilty. And if I had a really long day and fix me a drink to wind down a bit, that is fine as well imo. I don't crave it, I don't need it but I want it cause I like it. Anyway, right now she doesn't talk to me because I almost got angry at her. (We don't really fight that often and never shout at each other so that is the peak of conflict if it's not a fight.) So AITA for getting almost angry and refusing to apologize for it? EDIT: It's not a control issue. There are no other instances of her controlling me, if it's anyone it's me that tends to be in control. It's just that somehow the belief that "alcoholism starts with a casual beer" got cemented into her brain.

Odd_Judge1310

AITA for being irritated by my girlfriend complaining everytime I drink a beer?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvihi/aita_for_being_irritated_by_my_girlfriend/

17hvihi

Hi I'm (26m) bi and I've recently moved to a new job, the group of guys I work with are all lad types making jokes and the like, I haven't come out to them and nor do I feel like it's necessary for me too. But sometimes there jokes on certain subjects I feel can be quite insensitive and wrong. As someone from the LGBT community I know first hand the damage these jokes can do. But I feel I risk outing myself if I start speaking up and saying something about them. I will say I'm quite a straight acting guy. The jokes don't really bother me but if someone overheard I can imagine them being quite upset by what's being said. So do I say something or just leave them too it.

Informal-Aid

AITA If I tell my new work mates that there 'gay jokes' are insensitive and could be taken the wrong way.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvjju/aita_if_i_tell_my_new_work_mates_that_there_gay/

17hvjju

My mum had the family cat I was extremely close with put down without giving me the chance to go over to say goodbye, we got that cat when I was a very young child and I've always had a really special relationship with her, she slept in my bed most nights, followed me everywhere around the house. My mother has acknowledged the bond I had with the cat, and how meaningful the cat was to me multiple times in the past and I ask about her constantly now that I'm not longer living with my parents. I live about six hours away now, my mum called me this morning to tell me the cat had been acting a bit strange and was taking her to the vet, I was worried but asked her to see what the vet said and keep me updated, I didn't hear anything bad until night at which point I texted and asked if she'd been to the vet yet and my mum replied that the cat has been put down. I responded with anger and confusion that I'm not very proud of, I'll list it here That interaction: Mother: "She's gone. She had kidney failure and it was time love. We were with her and it was peaceful. Xxx" Me (I spammed them in short form): What Why Why wouldn't you just wait one day? I would've come down I could've been there tomorrow how could you do this? I don't understand why you wouldn't just wait one day Mother: Any more of this? Vet agreed. Stop. I stopped and took a walk, and haven't responded. I appreciate that I might come across poorly here but I had just heard the news, I regret replying at all in the moment and wish I had taken time but I don't know if it would help because to be honest It's been hours and I still feel nothing but bitterness, I just wanted to be able to say goodbye to my cat. I know she's not just my cat, I know my mum must be really sad over the loss as well, but she should be OUR cat, so why was I left so entirely out of the picture? At least my mum got the chance to be there when it happened and get closure. I honestly don't know what to do, I'm so sad and angry but I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with my mother either. I just don't know how to resolve these feelings. My mother and stepdad are really angry with me and that's making me extremely anxious, a big part of me wants to just apologize to fix the relationship regardless of who was wrong. But I don't know if I can suck it up enough to do that right now. I don't expect anyone to read this to be honest, but if you do and it turns out I'm way out of line here, I do ask if you could deliver the news gently, I do promise to keep an open mind, I genuinely do not know if my feelings are valid and I'm in the right or not. I just wish I could've said goodbye to the fuzzy friend I've had for 15 years.

Yuubeei

AITA for lashing out at my mother over text for putting the family cat down without my involvement?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvn48/aita_for_lashing_out_at_my_mother_over_text_for/

17hvn48

8 years ago I bought my first house and moved my dad and step mom in, both disabled by age 45. A few month later my younger brother asked me if he could stay with me until he gets on his feet, as he was staying with some pretty shady friends of his. I tell him yea, it’s cool he can stay until he gets it together, but there are some rules. You have to clean up after yourself, I don’t want drugs in my house, I’ve got mother against pot but my brother will spend all day, and all his money of weed, he has no sense of whoa. Finally he’s got to pay rent biased off his pay, this would cover the upticks in the bills and his food, and he’s got to help around the house. My brother agrees to this and we move him in. 8 years later, he has gone through 16 jobs, totaled 4 out of the 5 cars he has had, 3 of them I bought so he could get to work, has had a DUI, and has cost me $32,000.00. He has taken anything he wants, two of my bikes that got stolen, a bunch of tools, and about 6 months ago money from my dad. He hasn’t met his side of any of the agreements he has made, he stopped paying his phone and rent, I pay for the phone, and he only fallows rules as long as it doesn’t inconvenience him. I gave him 3 months to find somewhere else to stay, bought him boxes, reminded him occasionally that he has to be gone by a select date. He blows it off and asks if I could give him more time. He tells me he’s almost done packing, and he has nowhere to put his stuff let alone anywhere to stay. He has nothing packed, his room is filled with trash, like half eaten food stuffs, cigarette butts, loose papers and dirty clothes. I’ve been going through his stuff washing his clothes and packing his stuff, tossing the trash, it’s been a chore. Despite any of this I feel like a bad brother, I feel like him sleeping out on the streets is directly my fault. He is 33 years old and staying on the street with his girlfriend, and I feel like an absolute asshole. Am I in the wrong, should I just suck it up and let him stay with me until he “gets it together”. Am I the asshole?

KiddKelly

AITA for kicking my brother out

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvqts/aita_for_kicking_my_brother_out/

17hvqts

A few days ago my friend J (F26) had an acting class that she was suppose to attend to be selected for a part in a short film where they would have paid her a certain amount of money for featuring in it. Me (M27) and J were hanging out all day before her acting class which was at 6pm and lasts up until 8:30pm. The time was now 6pm and she told me she had to go to her acting class and wanted me to drop her off but I told her I had to go where to buy something first before I could drop her off. On the way she wanted to stop off for food too, she wanted to get greggs but later changed her mind to get subway. I searched up greggs and I found one nearby her house which said it closes at 8pm but as it was now around 6:45 the greggs near her house had ran out of food and apparently closes at 7pm. So I ended up buying her food from subway instead which was 5 minutes away from greggs and 3x expensive. The time was now 7pm and the place where I wanted to go to buy an item was 20mins for her house and her acting class was 30mins away from hers so I just thought it would be more convenient for me to quickly buy my item instead of me having to drop her off at her acting class and then drive another 45mins to buy the item as both her acting class and my item were opposite sides of the city (but the item was closer to her house). So this just annoyed her as she wanted to reach her acting class asap but I told her it’s saving me fuel and time if I quickly go grab the item and then drop her off. She was reluctant about all this however she decided to go along with it and eventually after buying my item and dropping her off to her acting class (also getting screamed and shouted at by her for me wasting her time) we reached her acting class at 8pm. The next day she called me and told me because she reached their with only half hour left of her class the class teacher casted someone else for the role as they weren’t sure if she was coming or not and because of this she lost out on the opportunity and money. She said to me that she now expects me to pay her that money as it’s my fault that she was late and it’ll be me compensating her for what happened. Now my question is AITA for what happened and should I pay her or not?

MajesticSubstance176

AITA for not wanting to pay my friend any money.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvrok/aita_for_not_wanting_to_pay_my_friend_any_money/

17hvrok

Ok, here me out- I (39 f) have been with my SO (40 m) for the past 5 years. We are a blended family with each of us bringing 2 kids from previous marriages. Our kids schedules line up pretty well so we usually have them all together (50% of the time.) I have always believed in compromise and doing what is best for all of the kids and have worked really hard to have a good co-parenting relationship with both of our exes. The issue comes up with now that the his kids are in older elementary school (I say this for context as they are not near driving age), his ex is constantly signing up his kids for sports and activities. Normally this would not be an issue, however the activities are now year round and take place 4-5 days a week. She never asked us if having the kids in sports or activities are ok with us and just proceeds to sign them up, then expects us to accommodate the nightly driving on our nights with them. It has gotten to the point where we can never plan family events, outings or even a sit down dinners as a family (and with my 2 kids) as we are having to accommodate and run around picking up and dropping off his 2 kid's for their activities. Most sports or programs have a time period that they run, however his son is in karate which continues throughout the year. This has been going on for over a year now with no reprieve. I asked him to talk to her about signing the kids up for programs without talking to us first to see if we can compromise, however his daughter just brought home a new schedule for a sport that will take up every Mon-Tue for the next 2 months- of which her enrollment was never mentioned to us prior to receiving the schedule. I am to the point where I am just annoyed and while I know the kids like being involved in activities (and I do think that some activities are good for them), it has just been a lot with no end in sight. I told my SO that we should let her know that we will only be accommodating activities on certain days (maybe 2 days a week) so that we can have a family life balance and if they miss a class or activity, then so be it, however, he feels bad telling them that they can't attend when they like going. Has anyone else encountered an ex signing kids up for multiple activities on your days with them and then just expecting you to accommodate it with out consulting you? Am I the asshole for drawing the line and saying enough is enough and we will only allow activities on certain days so we can plan family dinners and activities on the other days? For context- his divorce decree does not allow her to do this without discussing it with him, but he would rather not take her to court to push the issue if he doesn't have to.

VividAssumption422

AITA for not wanting my step kids to do extra-curricular activities?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvu8a/aita_for_not_wanting_my_step_kids_to_do/

17hvu8a

Little bit of a back story. I (24m) strugled with drug addiction at a young age and since then have been to rehab and taken the harm reduction rout to recovery. My girlfriend (24f) had also strugled from drug addiction but moved to get off of drugs and get some therapy. We have been together for 10 months and its over all been a great expirence. other then the fact that she's gained some friends that are frequient coke users. Sinve she has had these friends she has done coke multiple times a week every week for 6 months now. Knowing we both strugled with addiction I have confronted her multiple times and it usualy ends with both of us crying and her saying things like " I feelblike I'm in trouble" This most resent time i confronted her she grew really cold and distant. Then once she started using again shes back to normal and I'm concerned that is because shes addicted to coke. I want to bring it up again but I'm afraide that she will shut down and distance herself frome me again. Am i the asshole For bringing it up again?

dawgt123

AITA for being concerned baout my girlfriends drug addiction?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvwhz/aita_for_being_concerned_baout_my_girlfriends/

17hvwhz

I have this co worker who we will call “Jack” for privacy reasons. Now what you need to know about Jack is he has a bad habit of butting into other people’s affairs. He also likes to brag A LOT about everything and anything. So one night after our work was done, my coworkers and I were all hanging out waiting until it was time to clock out. I got into a conversation with one of my coworkers about cars. Well “Jack” had to butt into our conversation and naturally he starts bragging. He started talking/bragging about how he got to ride in a yellow Dodge Charger. He was saying how fast and loud the car is. I looked at him and said “Dodge Chargers are nice. But I have seen way nicer cars like a Lamborghini, Ferrari, etc. Well he didn’t like that one bit!! He walked off in a big huff and sat away from everybody else. I continued my conversation with my conversation with my co worker until it was time to clock out. So AITA?

BlackRosesofDeath

AITA for knocking my co-worker down a few pegs?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hvycf/aita_for_knocking_my_coworker_down_a_few_pegs/

17hvycf

Hi I am 16 (male) and last night I was tasked to drop of a couple of people I know, it was after one of my highschool girl's volleyball games and they were middle schoolers. Keep in mind I drive a exquisite bright red 2009 Chevy HHR SS hatchback, and I love this car very much even nicknaming it the "Imposter mobile" because its built like the imposter from among us. Now when we got in the car there were 5 of us total and 1 of the people i didnt know, she was girl lets name her callie. So Callie was the only person in the car that was going home, everyone else was gonna go to someone elses house. After given directions to her house by 4 middle schoolers we eventually got to her house, callie got out of my car and started walking towards her house. During this however, Callie's friends, who were in the car, kept calling her back because one of them needed to "tell her something." So she kept getting out and coming back in, keep in mind that i was already tired and just wanted to go home. During Callie's excessive back and forth, her and this guy hugged and were about to kiss in the back of my imposter mobile, so when i saw this I screamed "NOT IN THE BACK OF MY IMPOSTER MOBILE!!!!" So reddit tell me, Am I the Asshole?

ElectricFens

AITA if i cocked blocked someone?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hw2fh/aita_if_i_cocked_blocked_someone/

17hw2fh

Long story short I (24F), met my boyfriend (28M), through mutual friends in June - we were both on holiday in Greece at the same time and our friends wanted to meet up, we both went with our respective friendship groups and met each other. We got on really well and got together within days, when we returned to London we hung out constantly and around 4 weeks later went away for the weekend and became exclusive. It’s important to note, I was dating numerous people prior to this - as was he. Y’know summer in the city. The issue is one of the girls he was dating, Charlotte, was unhappy fast and replied to my Instagram story while I was still in Greece saying she had been on dates with him. I had never met her and just said, at the time, I was sorry if he had a girlfriend I did not know. She confirmed they were not in a relationship. She subsequently has bombarded me with messages for weeks, usually late on a Friday or Saturday when she’s drunk. I told my boyfriend about this, and he said he blocked her in July and I do genuinely believe him. Anyway last night I left work and went for drinks, after awhile my bf text and said he was nearby with some of his/ our friends, I went to meet them and it was starting to get messy. Charlotte turned up with two girls who I know and get on with. In the bathroom she started going on about how he’s a cheat, and I’m a slut and that he can’t be faithful. I basically told her I didn’t care, I knew he’d slept with other people, hell I knew he had in the month from when I met him and I wasn’t shocked. I asked her to stop messaging me and stop going on about it, as she clearly is telling a lot of people we both know. Now I feel bad for kind of going against girl code, and feel a bit like a twat as I do feel sorry for her. AITA?

Neww1357

AITA for telling the girl badmouthing me and my boyfriend to get over it?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hw4wu/aita_for_telling_the_girl_badmouthing_me_and_my/

17hw4wu

Am I the asshole here ? We have a landscaper who is paid by our landlord. It’s not a company, it’s one guy with a mower. He comes once a week, generally on Saturday , and always texts is the night before. On Saturday mornings I (38F) go out and clean up the yard because we have two dogs. Today is Friday. My husband and I were out for the majority of the day today. When we got home, the landscaper was here. My husband went to let the dogs out and I was grabbing a bag from the trunk. The landscaper came up the driveway and started screaming at me about the backyard not being clean today. It was last picked up on Tuesday afternoon. We live in a high end suburban neighborhood and a lot of my neighbors were outside. The landscaper was screaming to the point where the man next door started to walk over to get involved. My husband then comes outside because he heard the commotion. The landscaper starts screaming at him. They argue, we go in the house and immediately call our landlord. He apologizes and says he will deal with it. He must have called him right away, because landscaper knocks on our door in tears apologizing and saying he was having a bad day. He asks if we can call our landlord and tell him it was a misunderstanding. My gut response is no. This is not the first time he has behaved inappropriately, but this is the first time he’s actually yelled at me. I’m not saying he even raised his voice. He was yelling in an completely unhinged way. I totally get why he would be annoyed about the dog poop. I can understand if this was a weekly issue. But its never been an issue before. The incident with him prior to this was him yelling at the furnace repair man who said that he couldn’t move his truck ( because he was carrying a furnace into our house….) so the landscaper could mow. So AITA because I’m not willing to call my landlord and tell them that I overreacted ?

RuthieVonRue

AITA if I don’t say I overreacted ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hw55p/aita_if_i_dont_say_i_overreacted/

17hw55p

I (22 F) have Been in a serious relationship of two years with my boyfriend (23 M), at the beginning of the year he has been talking and asking about having a dog together, I didn’t know how to feel about it since i have never had the a pet to take care of but mixed emotion to check a childhood dream to have a dog. Fast forward we rescued a puppy that the mother appeared by my neighborhood and gave birth in my neighbors house. We started to take care of him in our separate home. 4 months later we moved together and since then it has been the worst experience with the dog for me. At the beginning the dog slept in the same room, “normal”. I didn’t like it so much because the dog is very attached to us and it make it difficult to just have a solo moment and with that I had to realize that this is not for me, a puppy is like having a baby and the attention that a dog needs, right now I can’t do it, all my time is spent in my internship and college, I’m day and night out of the house, and also my boyfriend. Also the time the dog spent alone was so stressing since every time we leave him alone, constantly he has to destroy things that he has in reach and we can’t afford that, we literally only can afford the bills and living of food stamp. To add, the dog has started to scratch excessively that equals to excessive hair all over the place. I started to get sick by this, in years I haven’t got a asthma attack since now and that scares me, my boyfriend’s father is a doctor and he consulted him about my asthma and the conclusion is for me stay away from the dog. So now I have to live with a dog that is also harming my health. We took him to a veterinary, that we can’t afford and now the dog is allergic to some foods and can only eat salmon or lamb and that’s crazy for me. I tried to talk to my boyfriend to hace the consideration to put the dog in adoption, since is the los responsible thing to do, in my head, but apparently is not a choice since he has to have a dog for emotional support. I can understand it but till a certain extent. His thing is since he had a dog since he was a child, the dogs he had was he’s only comfort, cute, understanding. But that makes me feel some type of way, because then what am I, does he not find comfort in me for his worst moment? Because why did we come so far to be now living together, I really start questioning if I’m he’s go to for his worst, because if it’s yes then what is that explanation for having the dog. I really need advice in how to once again talk to him, since now I know he’s attached.

Educational-Client79

AITA for wanting to put the dog in adoption

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hw5mt/aita_for_wanting_to_put_the_dog_in_adoption/

17hw5mt

I (32M) was let go from my old job almost a year ago because I had trouble with time management and deadlines. I have ADHD, so this isn’t a new problem, but it did make me realize I need to hunker down if I want to have a comfortable living. I have been at my current job for about a month now and obviously I want to impress. Last night, my boss asked me to stay late to help finish up a portion of a project. I ended up staying much later than I had planned and finishing the whole project. My boss was thrilled and I was proud of myself. However, my girlfriend had planned to cook special dinner since we haven’t spent much time together since I’ve started working again, and since I stayed late, I wasn’t able to eat with her. I was in “the zone” (fellow ADHD peeps know what I mean) so I didn’t text or call her, but I thought it would be fine since we weren’t going anywhere and she was just cooking at home. I was in a good mood when I got home but I was tired, so I was hoping my girlfriend would just heat up my food at talk to me for a bit and then let me go to bed. However, she was in a horrible mood and barely said a word to me. I felt like she was trying to guilt me for doing good work and I didn’t appreciate that or want to be around her bad energy, so I stayed the night at my mom’s house and didn’t see her until getting back from work today. She was in a better mood, but I still wanted to address the issue. I told her that it wasn’t ok for her to try to make me feel guilty for working hard, especially when she knows that I struggle with it due to my ADHD. I also said she should be grateful that I’m working hard for us and that if that’s her reaction to me advancing in my career, then she may be a narcissist or codependent. I wasn’t trying to accuse her or make her feel bad, but I think it’s important to address the issue going forward in our relationship. However, she is very upset with me. I am staying in my mom’s house right now because I need space from her, but I thought I’d ask here— AITA?

throwaaway12131

AITA for calling my gf out for her behavior?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwb4b/aita_for_calling_my_gf_out_for_her_behavior/

17hwb4b

Hi, (30m) have a loving wife named Amara (34f), she was everything I asked for and I know about her family's situation so we don't talk about it. But when she received an invitation from her family that asks her to come for her brother's wedding, she told me she didn't want to go, however, I wanted her reconcile with her family. Bygones be bygones, but then she got so upset and didn't want to speak to me, i know she had bad experience with her family, but isn't it about time to forgive ? That's all I want for her. AITA for forcing her to move on?

Suitable_Anteater475

AITA for forcing my wife to go and visit her abusive family that shunned her off?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwbnp/aita_for_forcing_my_wife_to_go_and_visit_her/

17hwbnp

I won't use real names, so we will call me OP, my friend and roommate Chris, the troublesome roommate Dick, and the other roommate Ash. Living in a campus apartment with four roommates initially seemed fine, until signs of concerning behavior from Dick began to surface. His laid-back attitude, such as leaving a vodka bottle in our freezer, posed a significant issue in our dry hall with strict alcohol regulations. Despite feeling concerned, I tried to overlook it, thinking it might have been an occasional slip-up. As time passed, I became friends with Chris, who, being in the military, expressed worry about the vodka situation, as did Ash due to the hall's stringent rules. Although I wondered if I might be overthinking, I chose to remain silent, hoping it was a one-off occurrence. However, the situation escalated when Dick consistently left the front door unlocked, blatantly violating our safety and residence rules. Despite my attempts through sticky notes, his behavior remained unchanged. The situation didn’t improve as during our RA Agreement, we made our rules such as “alert roommates a hour before bringing friends over or if people are staying over, and when I brought up the whole locking the door isssue our RA told us to make sure to lock the door as once a homeless man actually got into a room with a unlocked door and fell asleep in there bed…well after the whole thing Dick left, leaving the door unlocked. He even brought unannounced guests, and having disrespectful behavior. His friends have tried forcing there way into our dorm or lying when I try shutting the door, there also very disrespectful saying shit about us messing with our stuff and doing pranks which are just ways to annoy us. Despite our attempts to reason with Dick, he consistently ignored us or acted dismissively, only coming out to say “don’t knock so loud” and shutting the door. One incident saw Chris politely requesting adherence to the rules. Chris: "Hey, Dick, can we talk for a moment?" Dick: "Not now, I’m busy." Chris: "It'll just be a few minutes. We're concerned about the house rules and the door being left unlocked. It's important for everyone's safety." Dick: "It’s not me, dude." Before Chris could get another word out, Dick denied his involvement, then abruptly shut the door in Chris's face. Later, we received a text from Dick that read, "Don’t say anything to me at all until you can at least get the room to smell right. It always smells like shit when we get home, and we spent a whole day cleaning it up just for it to get fucked up all over again. We do not care about your petty notes or your goofy private discussions. It’s absolutely unacceptable to have the room smell like that when you two are the only ones who ever hang out there." So, Reddit, Am I the A-hole in this situation? Despite my efforts to address the issues and maintain a peaceful living space, am I being unreasonable in my expectations or approach to dealing with my uncooperative roommate?

PMBHero

AITA for Addressing My Uncooperative Roommate's Disruptive Behavior?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwgil/aita_for_addressing_my_uncooperative_roommates/

17hwgil

AITA For Telling My Mom The Truth? My mom (39 F) left me and my sister when I was 5 and she was 11, and when I (13 F) was 9 I started going to her house every other weekend. This upcoming weekend I’m supposed to go to her house but my soon to be stepsister (21 F) and her girlfriend (19 F) are having a Halloween party at our house and I want to and meet some of their cousins,family,etc, and I asked her if it would be alright if I didn’t go this weekend so I could go to the Halloween party and she said we would talk later. I also wanted to add I have never missed going to her house before and she has never made an attempt to come and see me outside of her weekend even though I’ve offered to drive.When she called she went on a rant trying to guilt me into feeling bad and she said why can’t I have the party a different time, and I explained that this is the last weekend before Halloween and I didn’t plan the party, but this is where the question comes in, my mom said that it’s already not fair that I only see her every other weekend and I said that her not seeing me more is the consequences of her own actions, and my mom called my sister (19F) later that night and my sister called to yell at me, to which my dad (42M) defended me and my sister is now not talking to us. So AITA for what I said to my mom?

CombinationSea1270

AITA For Telling The Truth?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwikp/aita_for_telling_the_truth/

17hwikp

My(27) daughters father(27) and I separated when she was 1. I won’t go into the reason for the separation but but it was not civil on his end. During the separation I; established visitation, attempted to communicate civically, and re established my relationship with my ex in laws. During this time, he made little to no effort to see her, wouldn’t watch her on weekends, or help with child support. To this day he owes a lot of back pay. Anyways, Halloween in coming up. I have always communicated with her grandma in order to share holidays equally. This is the first year that a Holiday lands on his day. I asked if he was willing to let me join them as I didn’t want to miss trick or treating with her. He ignored my message, so I sent him another 3 days later. He said he’d prefer 2 separate trick or treating trips. I agreed and told him I’d pick her up after work. He replied that he intended on going at the same time, so I suggested it would be easier that we both go together. I honestly believe she wouldn’t want to go out two separate times just or our sake. She is also easily frightened by spooky stuff. He got agitated and exclaimed that “there are just some things we can’t together because it’ll confuse her.” This confused me because we have been separated for 5 years and she’s well aware that we’re not together as he has had partners within that time span. I was very upset with this response and told him that it makes no sense. I explained that we need to put our feelings aside and try to coparent civilly for her sake. I told him that she’d been asking for more time with us together, and I want to establish that sense of normalcy in her life. Once I stopped and realized that he was going to ignore or argue against my claims, I said F it. I told him that if he wanted to continue separate holidays, that’s fine. However, I would no longer reach out and have equal holidays or birthdays. (I’d occasionally drop her off on birthdays or thanks giving after spending half the day with her so that they can spend time with her too.) Every time I try to adjust the schedule to benefit me, we argue. But he gets nothing but respect from me and I’m tired of it. I’m considering not dropping her off this week and spending Halloween with her. I may be the AH because I know I’m making the situation worse. But I don’t want to miss milestone events with her in order to appease him. So AITAH ?

Karakura-red

WIBTA If I didn’t drop off my daughter for visitation after her father said I couldn’t go trick or treating with them?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwkif/wibta_if_i_didnt_drop_off_my_daughter_for/

17hwkif

At the country park yesterday I was on a kids Halloween trail with a friend, between us we had two 2 year old splashing in puddles, a 5 month old baby in a pram and a 4 week old baby in a sling. Walking along the trail two women were walking towards us with a bulldog puppy off lead. Dog was running all over as puppies do and going up to people. These women had no control over this dog and wernt saying anything to it. As they approached us I picked up my toddler to avoid any situation e.g. puppy pushing over toddler/scaring him/nipping hands etc. I usually don't do this but as this was an off lead puppy I didn't want to risk anything happening especially with so many children in tow. My friend held her toddlers hand to the side of her to shield from the puppy as well. I smiled at the women but she looked genuinly offended i had picked up my child, who was saying 'dog dog!' As the women passed my friend they said 'Some people! She's not doing her kid any favours picking them up around dogs'. My friend replied 'We know someone who's child's been attacked', but we didn't hear the women's replies clearly as we were already walking away. It was something along the lines of her dog not being aggressive. And honestly I was too busy saying 'b**ch' to catch the full reply. Not my finest moment. I've told a few people this interaction and had mixed responses. So here we are reddit...AITA for picking up my child or are they the AH for making a comment about my parenting choices? Background info: toddler has plenty of exposure to dogs of different breeds at home and with friends. No fear around dogs whatsoever. I picked up the toddler because the puppy was off lead and the owners were too far behind it to intervene if it came at my child, jumped up etc. I have a zero tolerance for dog attacks as ive been attacked in the past as a teenager (no scars thankfully as it was on the legs in jeans), if a dog bit my child I would have no hesitation in gouging its eyes to release a bite. In my mind I was protecting my toddler and that puppy from injury by avoiding any interaction.

th4tus3rn4m3ist4k3n1

AITA for picking up my toddler when a puppy approached us off lead

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwm34/aita_for_picking_up_my_toddler_when_a_puppy/

17hwm34

So I, M20 have a newish luxury car that i have spent a lot of time and money on to make very nice and updated and properly functioning my parents on the other hand have the same exact car but a year newer with LOTS of issues im talking un drivable. So i had been using my car for work racking up miles and it was bothering me so i bought a cheap second vehicle for work now my parents usually borrow the car here and their when im not using it but now they are taking my car everywhere business runs and supplies pick ups, events, dinners and grocery runs which is why i bought the the cheap car to begin with to keep miles off of my nicer car, i wake up in the morning to my keys missing off my nightstand and my car gone this has gone on for about a year now and i haven’t said but but im getting slowly annoyed. I love my parents and they have given me a great childhood and adulthood I’ve kind of asked them why don’t they take my cheaper car that i don’t care about on some runs and they said they don’t like driving it cause its crappy and cheap. So sometimes im stuck driving the cheap car while they go to dinner or some other event if i don’t wanna go with them. I get them not having a car that works but it still irritates me So.. AITA? *UPDATE!* They came back from a run and notified me that my transmission has started leaked and has a transmission fault code….

Throwaway82748198261

AITA for getting pissed at my parents for using my car constantly?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwmsh/aita_for_getting_pissed_at_my_parents_for_using/

17hwmsh

I am the oldest sibling out of four and my brothers have always been rough on me because I’m a girl. By the way I’m the only girl my parents had and all of my brothers are 1 year younger than me, they were triplets. I’ve always been the one to be a second mom to my brothers because whenever our parents couldn’t get it I would. One of my brothers had found a wife and they’ve had a baby girl. I am very close to my brother and his wife and even his wife was excited to have me as the babies aunt. I love this baby with all of my heart being that this is my first niece and I plan on spoiling her because I’m financially stable and even though I’m not wealthy I still have a good amount of spending money. I also had a miscarriage about 2 years ago that was really hard on me so having a baby that I would be close with was extremely emotional and exciting for me. On the other hand my brother is not, he’s very traditional and wants to be the breadwinner/ provider of his family. He and his wife want to have a baby shower but it would mean they would loose a great sum of money they can’t afford. I’ve offered to pay for the whole thing because I love them and the baby, plus it would be a beautiful moment for both sides of their family. My husband and I coordinated with them and payed for anything they wanted for the baby shower. A few weeks before the baby shower my brother, his wife, my husband, and my other brothers were at our parents house for a football game. The topic of babies and the baby shower they planned came up and my brother made a joke saying “ I’m glad my wife is in working condition so we could be the first ones to have a baby, it feels good to be the first sibling for something.” That really hurt because I was so excited to be having a baby but when me and my husband got the news it devastated us and it took us a while to become better. I went home crying and I blocked my brother on everything. I couldn’t believe how inconsiderate and insensitive he was especially after I gave him everything. I texted him one time saying “We won’t be paying for your baby shower anymore, what you did was horrible and I don’t want to speak to you again.” He told our family and now they’re all trying to contact me but I don’t want to hear it. So Reddit am I the asshole? Update Ive been reading a lot of the comments and I would like to thank everyone who gave their support and opinion. I will be answering some common questions I’ve been hearing 1. What was the S. I. L. and families reaction? Everyone did not agree with this comment and the sister in law was pissed he even said something so rude. She texted me how sorry she was in his behalf and she says she totally understands why I made my decision. 2. Did he apologize? He believes he did nothing wrong so he’s standing on his action. While I am upset by his blindness to how this could be hurtful I’m not the kind to argue until I get an apology. I have made the decision to try to still give my sister in law a baby shower because she deserves it. I don’t want to ruin my relationship with her or my niece so I’m trying to figure out a way to give her a baby shower and still hold my grounds with my brother. If you have any suggestions please let me know!

Exotic-Suspect-411

AITA for canceling my brother’s baby shower after he made a hurtful joke about my miscarriage?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwni7/aita_for_canceling_my_brothers_baby_shower_after/

17hwni7

(M29), keep up with friends from college, including K. Known since freshman year, got close senior year, reconnected during 2020. I'm gay, there's never been romantic connection, and I have F friends but relate to M more, and I only say that because maybe this is me not getting F. Started September when she put her cat down. I said how sorry I was, related to her about my cat passing away in 2020, she did the right thing etc. I comforted her, she asked how I was, I let her know that my boyfriend and I of a year had split up that same day. I sent her an $80 tribute to her cat. In August, I told her that my mom is sick, and might have cancer, but she didn't get me a gift, fine. We send each other memes/photos, and I sent a couple to her through our chat without a response, and she told me she needed some space to mourn cat dying. I said just trying to make you lol, take your time. She reached out to me after receiving gift from me, thanked me, and resumed talking, I say lmk if I can do anything. Waited again for her to reach out thanking her for a thank you card she sent me for my gift. We talked about current events, the ISR-PAL thing had just broken out, we agreed on our stances/ didn’t fight. She asks how I’m doing, and I told her, I'm having some moderate health problems + my mom, but don’t want to make it about me etc. Where I fucked up. Txted her a selfie of me going into work with a funny message, and then I double texted her like a week later showing her my Halloween costume. From there, I get this: I'm canceling my upcoming trip to see you. I didn't appreciate how after (cat) died, I feel like you directed every conversation back to your issues. I've been reflecting on our friendship and need to take a step back. I sat with her txt, and wrote to her a neutral, albeit passive aggressive resp: "Sorry you feel that way. I'm not going to launch into defense of myself, but I'm disappointed that's your take, though that's your right and I'll reflect on what I could have done differently. Hope you feel better". I can be self-righteous, and recognize what did wrong, should have given space, and know my text is a non-apology. But also, I did give her space when she asked for it, I've got my own problems; she didn't send me anything after my mother was sick or for me being sick. It's a cat, that died over a month ago. I put down my 20-year-old cat in 2020, and I wasn't upset about it a month later getting mad at my friends. I feel like her reaction was extreme, to go so far as to cancel plans to see me. I got her a gift, I gave her space, she asked how I was doing, and I told her. And now she says I'm making it all about myself? AITH? I feel like I went beyond what a person would do over a cat, and her reaction is extreme. Am I the asshole for my actions? I don't think there's anything to apologize for on my end. Edit: Because more context is needed, I don't care that she didn't get me a gift. I care that she thinks I'm being insensitive when I went out of my way to do something nice for her, and she didn't, which is fine, but then don't call me insensitive: I cared enough to do something. And I also didn't bring up the gift with her at all.

knives401

AITA for How I handled my friends being upset over her cat dying?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwo15/aita_for_how_i_handled_my_friends_being_upset/

17hwo15

I’m 15/F. My parents are divorced and I live with my mom and usually I don’t even see my dad a lot. But right now I’m staying at my dad’s house because my mom is in another town dealing with an emergency that my grandparents are having. Two nights ago my dad and I got into a bad argument so I left his house to go for a walk. He did tell me not to go but I was too mad at him to be able to be around him. When I came back my dad locked me out of the house and wouldn’t let me come back in. So I called my uncle because he lives close and asked him if he could come pick me up and he did. I didn’t text or call my dad or anything to tell him that I was getting picked up by my uncle and he didn’t know that I went anywhere. But later my uncle called my dad to come get me and when my dad got there we got in another argument about how I should’ve told him where I was going. I think that I have the right not to tell him because if he cares where I am he shouldn’t lock me out. He literally didn’t even know I was gone until my uncle called him so obviously he doesn’t actually care. But what my dad said is that I put my uncle in a bad position by not giving him or my dad all the information, because what if he had called the cops and my uncle had gotten in trouble for it looking like he kidnapped me, because it would’ve looked like he was lying, because if they asked him he would’ve said that he picked me up since my dad wasn’t home. I didn’t think about getting my uncle in trouble and I would feel bad about that happening so was I wrong here? I asked my friends what they think and most of them said my dad is wrong but a couple of them said that I should've at least sent him a text.

Extra_Hat_22

AITA for calling my uncle to pick me up from my dad’s house after he locked me out and not telling him where I was going?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwpdz/aita_for_calling_my_uncle_to_pick_me_up_from_my/

17hwpdz

So I just had a very strange story happen to me today. I was relaxing in a hot tub at the pool I often to go to when a man came running frantically up to me. He told me he had left the hot tub a few minutes before and might have dropped an AirPod into the hot tub. He asked me if I could check so I looked around, groped around the sitting area with my hand (it was hard to see anything because of the bubbles) and also walked back and forth inside the hot tub a few times to see if I would step on anything. Nothing turned up so the man asked if I would go underwater for a few seconds to see for sure. Without elaborating on my reasons (the reasons were actually that it’s gross and also too hot), I said “sorry, no” and that I had reached the limit of what I could do to help. I also told him that the AirPod was most likely destroyed by the heat anyway. I doubt I’m in the wrong here but the man got upset and called me an asshole before storming off Edit to add that he was already dressed so it wasn’t as easy for him to go in himself. Still don’t feel like I’m wrong though!

Hungry-Intention3088

AITA for refusing to dive for a man’s AirPod?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwvqi/aita_for_refusing_to_dive_for_a_mans_airpod/

17hwvqi

let me clarify some things maybe in a different way. I am 21. My bf is 5 years older. We’ve been together 1.5 years. I do not want him to “fund” my life. Or get me out of debt. I want him to be an equal adult partner in this stage of our relationship. - I moved into my place earlier this year to escape an abusive family situation after a lifetime of childhood issues. I live in a studio apartment and work 50 hours a week and am struggling. - My bf lives home. His parent pay his car insurance, phone bill, groceries. And everything. He works 30ish hours a week. - He offered to give me two months rent up front to move in. Because he wants to badly. I said it’s not a good idea until he pays his OWN bills and gets them out of his parents name. (It’s been 7 months now since this convo and nothing has changed) Although this would make life easier financially, it’s not a good idea yet. - He stays over 4 nights out of the week. He will bring over some snacks, paper towels, and a few frozen foods for himself and for me. He does help with dishes and things, but only after I pointed it out to him. - Because of my debt from unexpected life situations (2,500$) from my car breaking down, and dental bills, I don’t have money these days. My fridge is always empty. - Despite my bad financial situation, he asks me if I want to come with him to music festivals. He even booked a ticket across the country for ONE day to see a band who he saw many times already. I feel it’s insensitive knowing my situation where I can’t even put food on the table. When we do go out, I usually end up paying my own half anyways or we will split it somehow. I’m a mess now. And I feel like part of being in a serious relationship is working as a team. I know I did this to myself, and he’s not obligated to “take care of me” but we’ve been together for a year and a half, and it’s been the same thing with his growth and progress. He talks all the time about marrying me, and how serious he takes this, but it’s going to be a year of him saying this now, and nothing has changed or progressed. Except our closeness, and my living situation.

Most_Dimension5827

AITA for expecting my bf to contribute more?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwxvt/aita_for_expecting_my_bf_to_contribute_more/

17hwxvt

I'm in college, and my roommate and I had asked to borrow my mom's tarot cards. My mom said it's bad luck to use other people's tarot cards, and that she would get us some. She did, which was very kind of her, and my roommate uses them all the time. ​ Since then I have joined a group on campus who talk about tarot cards and other types of divination and where they come from. Yes, I could use the ones my mom got, but my roommate has also recently joined that same group. I figured it would be easier if we had separate cards to use, so I bought myself a five dollar deck. ​ I recently came home for a weekend, and decided to write down what they all meant so I had something to reference. My mom asked what I was doing and I told her that I was writing their meanings down because this deck didn't come with a guide. She seemed upset that my roommate used the cards and told me the set she got was 35 dollars. I told her it was a really cool set but we're both in the same group so it would be easier if I had another deck to go by if she happened to be using the other one. AITA?

Frozen_Waffles1182

AITA for getting a tarot deck?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hwz1m/aita_for_getting_a_tarot_deck/

17hwz1m

I WFH 5 days a week. My fiance works 3 days a week and is responsible for childcare the other 2 days. She is messy, things are left on the side after been used, clothes thrown on the floor, dirty nappies dumped on the worktop, I try to calmly and quietly deal with these things as I find them, although I admit to indulging in the occasional "why do we have to live in a shithole" moan. I do what I consider a fair share of house work, primarily cooking and cleaning and am very active as a father to our 2 year old the other days and do mornings and bedtimes. I said I would run the vacuum round the house and do the polishing twice a week during work hours, but that I could only do it if the house was tidy enough for me to do it relatively quickly. This would allow me to do the bathroom.during my lunch break. I can get away with been away from my desk for 20 mins, but a few weeks ago I spent 45 mins tidying my gf mess before even cleaning. Today was a final straw, there were clothes allover the house, teddy bears thrown on the stairs and actual litter on the floor. My gf put our daughter down for a nap and I came downstairs to her watching Netflix, I made a comment that she could use this time to tidy up. Then when our daughter woke I watched them go out in the car, I went downstairs to find the living room covered in toys that my gf couldn't be bothered to put away before going out. I lost my cool, and sent her a message that the house was a disgrace and that we needed to work together but that she just couldn't be bothered. I told her I needed to work and that it was scruffy not to simply put things away at the time. She says IATA for not understanding how hard childcare is and that I should get over it. AITA?

Future-Smoke-4048

AITAH for not cleaning the house despite the expectation that it be reasonably tidy not been met?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hx135/aitah_for_not_cleaning_the_house_despite_the/

17hx135

so me 16f and my friend 18f (let’s call her jessie) jessie and i have grown up together. yesterday we hung out and i drove us everywhere and used my gas. so to “pay me back” she paid for me to get my nails done (which was 30$ total) i just got plain pink short nails because she isn’t in a great situation and doesn’t have tons of money. on our way home from the nail salon she wanted to order pizza and have it delivered to my house so it would be there when we got home. i have the domino’s app already on my phone so i gave jessie my phone while i was driving home so she could put in an order. i had already eaten prior to going to get our nails done (i dropped her off to get her hair cut and i went down the road and bought us McDonald’s) i made it very clean i wasn’t eating any pizza because i wasn’t hungry. i told her i was “tired of pizza and had already ate” she ordered her pizza and everything was fine. i got home and i checked my bank account because i thought she may have used my card (which is already saved in the app) to pay for HER pizza. and i was right, 26.34. my money. she used to buy pizza without even asking me. when pizza got to the house and she ate a slice and took the rest home. i haven’t talked to her since. do i have the right to be annoyed or does it sound ridiculous?

Weird-Confusion7952

AITA for getting annoyed at my friend spending my money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hx3dz/aita_for_getting_annoyed_at_my_friend_spending_my/

17hx3dz

My (26F) best friend (25f) “Sara” has been seeing someone (Mid 20s F) “Beth” on and off for a couple of years. Their relationship is VERY toxic. Sara’s partner is abusive in every way that you can imagine, to the point where Sara tried to get a restraining order against her when they broke up last (2 months ago). Now Sara’s other ex just got engaged, a day or two after she decided to give Beth another go. Beth promised she’d go to therapy and become a better person (a promise she has made several times but has never done). Me and Sara’s sister “Lacy” (24?F) have been begging her not to go back. To the point of us crying and pleading with her. Sara is telling us that it’s her life and she’s an adult she will do what she wants. She said that her and Beth are ‘taking it slow’ so she won’t move back in with Beth and Beth’s kids for at least 5-6 months. When they were living together Beth wouldn’t allow Sara to have enough money to put gas in her car so that she was stuck there, living hours away from all of her friends and family. She also intentionally kept Sara away from her sisters and friends (including myself). Sara is insistent that we need to just leave her alone and she knows what she is doing. I am starting to feel like an asshole because after voicing my concerns I have repeatedly tried to change her mind or stop her from making choices that she is old enough to make on her own…. AITA?

CottageWitch42

AITA For Trying To Stop My Best Friend From Going Back To Her Ex?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxauk/aita_for_trying_to_stop_my_best_friend_from_going/

17hxauk

I'm a 19 year old student living off my parents money. They pay for my school and housing and food. I'm very grateful obviously. But I was born with a significant arm deformity that basically makes my entire right arm look like a dinosaur arm. It's hard to explain but it's extremely gnarly looking and ugly and it's been something I've had to deal with my entire life the stares the comments etc. Now that I'm an adult and considering getting a job to help save some of my own money I've been hating the idea of getting a job with my arm on full display. I almost never go out because of my insecurity around my arm and I do schoolwork from home. Anytime I'm at the gym or taking a in person test at school it's such a pain in the ass to try and hide my arm under my sleeve it makes hand writing painful and running on the treadmill painful etc. So I've decided I want to get a prosthesis to that looks like a normal arm to cover it up. I went to the clinic and it looks perfect and definitely would help with my confidence and not hiding it all the time . However even with insurance it costs $5000 out of pocket which I can't afford myself. I asked my parents to pay and they blew me off and said my arm was never an issue before and now it's an issue they basically gaslighted me. Like it's always been an issue I've just always felt too young to do anything about it and it was always normalized at home even though it obviously was never normal at school or anywhere outside home. But I'm sick of it. I don't want to spend my life hiding my arm under my sleeve anymore I want to be able have a better life and parents both make like 500k plus a year. But they refused. So basically I resent them and I'm wondering if it's justified. Edit: people keep bringing up my post history about credit cards here as if that's even remotely relevant. To clarify I had a start up idea around credit cards when I was 18 so I was doing market research it's not that deep 😔

Conscious-Ad-6694

AITA for hating my parents because they won't pay for prosthesis

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxbqr/aita_for_hating_my_parents_because_they_wont_pay/

17hxbqr

I 23(f) had two roommates, we will call them roommate A 24 (f) and roommate B 23 (f). Roommate A was my roommate in college. We got along very well. Roommate B was next door to us. We shared the bathroom. We later decided move in together. After rooming with them for 2 years, A roommate I let B roommate know 6 months before the renewal for the following year that we are planning to move out. I moved in with my partner and she with her bf. The day of the move comes. I get all my things out and realized I would not have a key to close the door. I would be leaving it in the room and sending an email to the office about it. Before i was about to leave, I texted roommate B about closing the door and why I could not. She said okay. I leave and that that was it. The next few days I was enjoying my time with my partner in our airbnb and I get a text from roommate A asking if I have seen roommates B insta. I let her know I was not logged in. She send me screenshots of her posts. Roommate A was going on about how scaried she was waking up at 3am and saw the door unlocked. That she was scared for her life and could not make herself to go to the emty rooms. What happens if there is a person there. She wrote so much about not from this controny and she doesn't feel safe anymore. Other post about her going to starbucks and saying that she is still mad and can not understand how someone can do that to her.Roommate A mentioned that people were texting her and asking if everything was okay between them. The are still working on their masters degrees and work together so everyone was making sure if she was okay. While I am talking to her and friend asked what happened between me and roommate B. I am just sitting upset at the situation. Roommate B text A asking for a list of people so she can explain the them it was not her but me. Roommate A is not friends with her anymore and blocked her. I did too and roommate A made an apology to everyone saying it was not roommate A and should have not use her account to vent. She left it for an hour and then deleted. All the coworks and students know. I did not want to see her and I am moving on. Roommate A and are still hang and talk. So am I the asshole in any shape or form?? Should I accept the apology or clear up the misunderstanding?

SensitiveEffort2789

AITA relying back to my ex roommate after she 'apologized'

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxetw/aita_relying_back_to_my_ex_roommate_after_she/

17hxetw

Last night my wife and I got into an argument because I told her that I purposefully didnt call her on my way home one day. I explained that its not because I dont want to speak to her, rather that when she is on the phone with me or even other family memebers, the conversation is one sided. She typically respondes with "uh huh", "yeah", or "sure". She hears the conversation but isn't listening. She's texting, or emailing with work related things. Even as her husband I rarely have an uninterrupted conversation with her in person or on the phone. She is in a manger postion at her work and will drop whatever shes doing to respond to calls, emails, or texts. I explained that its very frustrating to me and she steered the argument to the fact that she does more for me in the relationship and even asked me the question of why am I married to her if I "dont like her job?" I tried to explain its not the job that bothers me its the fact there is no work life separation and that her job comes before our relationship and myself. AITA?

Deadliftdummy

AITA for telling my wife I purposefully dont call her on the phone because I know I will not have her attention?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxfq0/aita_for_telling_my_wife_i_purposefully_dont_call/

17hxfq0

My sister (24) and I (17) grew up in a not so wealthy Christian house. I never had the latest iPhone, shoes or clothing brand. Back in February 2016, my sister gave birth to my nephew…after that is where everything started going down hill. Over the years money started going missing in our house. Mostly all the time it went missing from my grandmother and my mother. Around 2018 my sister started her own business with the help of my parents. Along the lines of 2019, 2020, and 2021 my sisters business started going down hill and she owed people a lot of money. My parents decided to help her pay back those people by taking loans. After paying off all those people, things were going fine until October 2022. My 75 year old grandmother had went to the bank to put some money into an account she had been putting money into since my dad was 5 (ps my dad is now 55) the bank teller told her that someone had been drawing money out and all that is left is 20 dollars. There was $70,120 in the account. My sister transferred the money piece by piece from my grandmothers account to my mother’s account and then took it out. My sister never told us what she did with the money. August of this year, 2023, my mother had put $30,000 back into my grandmothers account. At this point I couldn’t ask for anything that I didn’t need. We didn’t always had food in the house after my mother put the $30,000 into my grandmother’s account. Most of the time I would have to eat once a day. At the beginning of October, when my grandmother had gone to the bank, she found out that all the money had been drawn out again. When my parents had asked my sister again what she did with the money she did not say. My mother then proceeded to tell my sister she is not allowed in our house again because in the Bible it says a liar is a thief and a murderer. It’s now late October and my sister has moved out and left my nephew here with us she has not called to check up on my parents but she has called to check up on her son. After all of this I received the backlash of what my sister did. My mother has no trust for me I am not allowed to do certain things and I have a lots of pressure on me to do good in school and not come out like my sister. It has even come to the point my mother does not trust me with any of her stuff. Because of everything my sister did, my father’s relationship with his mother, is ruined and my mother and I’s relationship is also ruined.

No-Consequence1242

WIBTA for telling my sister she ruined our family?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxfvk/wibta_for_telling_my_sister_she_ruined_our_family/

17hxfvk

My baby daddy and I broke up when our son turned 6 months. Our son is now 15 and he’s been inconsistent with supporting him financially. He see’s him on a regular basis, every other weekend during the school year and every other week during the summer. He’s been behind on child support most of our son’s life. In the past when I brought it up, he said he would feel better about paying child support if he paid me directly i/o the AG. I called the AG and confirmed he can pay me directly as long as a fill out a form and fax it in to their office. We agreed he would pay $200/month because that’s what he could afford for full amount ($600/month) This lasted for 6 months. I brought it up a 2nd time and his response was, “Well you didn’t tell he needed anything so I figured y’all were good.” I don’t think I need to call him every time our son needs something because it’s no different than taking care of himself. Fast forward to present day. He doesn’t have a job or a car and is working under the table. I informed him he $20,000 behind and he needs to figure out a way he can start paying. His suggestion is that our son come live with him and he’ll financially support everything. I told him that wasn’t an option. In my eyes, if you can’t afford to pay his child support, he can’t afford to take care of our son. His dad said teen boys need to be with their dad and I’m doing this so I can get money from him. AITA for saying no, our son will continue to live with me? I know this is a stupid question but I have a hard time putting my foot down and I don’t want my son to think I’m trying to keep him from his dad.

Ill-Recognition8666

AITA for not letting my son live with his dad

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxgnn/aita_for_not_letting_my_son_live_with_his_dad/

17hxgnn

My bf and I were suppose to move in together 2 months ago. We live in different cities that are about 2h apart and I finally found a remote job that allowed me to move to be with him. However right before we were suppose to sign for an apartment together my dog got sick. She was found to have Mast Cell cancer and I wanted to stay with my dad until she passed. I live with my dad as we are both in the same city. My mom died years ago and my dog was originally my grandma’s and my mom and dad adopted her after grandma passed. Then after she passed she became my dog. My dad and her are very close and I didn’t want to take her from him away near the end of her life. We talked about treatment but it looked like all treatment would do is buy her time and she was going to pass regardless. She is also 10 which is fairly old for a golden retriever. My bf is mad because we said we would move in together in the fall and wants me to leave her with my dad. I refused to because she is probably going to be put down in a few weeks given that she has started getting too tired to go on walks. He told me to “just put her down already”. Which I yelled at him for because who says that?! She’s basically like my kid and I can’t believe he would be so insensitive. But he says I agreed to move and I could visit my dog anytime. But I want to there for her and I’m really not liking the way he talks about her passing like it’s a routine. But he has had to move back in with his parents because it’s hard to find a month to month rental and is waiting on me so we can move out together.

Jealous_Bar_9933

AITA for delaying moving in with bf?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxh8b/aita_for_delaying_moving_in_with_bf/

17hxh8b

I (45) met my bf (49)about 2 years ago. About 6 months in he told me he planned on moving to Dallas when he retired. At the time I had 3 dogs and a pretty large house with a backyard etc. He knew I was a dog person and since then I have lost two of my dogs and now have 1. Anyway, he moved down and I went back and forth for about 6 months (an 8 hour drive) before I got my own place here in Dallas for my adult daughter and I. (His place was too small). Because I’ve been at my company so long, they allowed me to work remote and I just go back every six weeks or so. When I lived with my daughter, she of course cared for the dog when I was out of town. However, she works long hours and isn’t home much - but it was still better than putting him in a kennel. Now that my boyfriend and I have gotten a place together - I guess I just expected that he would help with the dog when I was out of town. I asked him if he and Beau would be ok while o was out of town and he said yeah. Well come to find out he is pissed. He said I should have asked him, and it’s not his responsibility - that it’s MY dog and I should have taken him to my daughter’s house for the week. This hurt my feelings, and I feel like o don’t have a true partner. I’ve made a ton of sacrifices for him, I take care of the home and work full time. Am I in the wrong here for thinking when we moved in together we would be like a team??? PS …I’m raised 2 kids on my own, never married or lived with anyone - so this is a genuine question as I have ZERO experience.

Dallas_Tashia

AITA for expecting my partner to help me take care of my dog?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxrm8/aita_for_expecting_my_partner_to_help_me_take/

17hxrm8

I (19F) am a college student who is going to live off campus next year. My friends and I (all 19F) said that we would live together, and began looking for places to live. We all preferred an apartment, except for a girl who I'll call Jess. Jess said that she wanted a house, but would be okay with an apartment. Her reasoning for wanting a house over an apartment was because they have more space, so we kept this in mind while apartment hunting and found a place that had one MASSIVE bedroom, and three moderately sized rooms. Jess was not involved in the apartment hunting process, so we told her about this place, and said that we all really liked it. A few days later, we sat down and talked about signing the lease, to which Jess said that it was "house or bust" for her, and then said that she would find other people to live with. This pissed me off greatly, so I and another girl immediately looked for someone to take her spot on the lease. We found this really cool girl (Emily) , and were in contact with her for a few weeks, and were ready to get her to sign. We told Jess this in a conversation where she tried to convince us to get a house with her again, and she asked if she could rejoin the lease as she'd feel a lot better living with people she already knew. I feel like the only reason she asked to rejoin was because she couldn't find anywhere or anyone else to live with (it's a very completive area, and almost all of the inexpensive housing is gone). She didn't ask the group as a whole if she could rejoin, and only talked through her friend Hannah. Hannah is always busy, so me and the other girl were getting all the info 3 days after Jess sent it, during this time we would see Jess in person and she would never bring it up. We told Hannah that we wanted to be talked to directly, to which Hannah got very upset about being 'put in the middle of friendship drama" I kinda blew up in her face about that, because this isn't 'friendship drama' to me, its a serious financial decision. I redoubled my efforts to get Emily to join the lease (hyping up the place and hanging out with her a LOT) and I made it seem like it would be impossible for Jess to sign on (ig. making it sound like Emily had already paid me the holding fee). I don't want to live with Jess because I don't wanna be burned again, and I also feel like I've been stringing Emily along with housing if I say that I'm okay with Jess joining on. Jess found out about me and Emily and told me that if she doesn't live with us, she'll have no where to go. She's an out of state student, so she would either have go online or switch colleges if she couldn't live in the city. She sounded really stressed, but I found it hard to sympathize with her because she HAD a place, it just wasn't exactly like she wanted. Am I the asshole for not letting her join the lease? ​

Express_Box9559

AITA for not giving my friend a place live?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxse3/aita_for_not_giving_my_friend_a_place_live/

17hxse3

I (19f) don’t want to meet my friends (22m) girlfriend. For starters, I do classes online, which feels like a larger workload than in person classes, and I work full time, 5-6 days a week, and am generally tired and exhausted and bitter because I hate my job. I met friend through my boyfriend, and the three of us hung out a good amount. Friend has since gotten a girlfriend and I refuse to meet her. I don’t want to meet her during the week and the weekends I work, because I am tired. I don’t want to spend my one day of a weekend, or half my weekend, hanging out with someone I don’t know. I barely even get time for myself or my friends, why would I want to do that. I also want to be genuinely pleasing and not fake tolerable when I meet her, because she does seem great and all and I think we’d be good friends; I’m just too exhausted to want to make new friends. I never explained in detail to my friend, though, that I felt that way. Every time he brought up meeting her, I’d just say I’m tired I don’t want to, or I’d say that I just met a bunch of new people at work that week, and I’m burned out and don’t want to. I understand how me just adimently not wanting to meet her came across as rude. I saw texts between him and my boyfriend about how he can still be friends with my boyfriend, but his girlfriend said I was being disrespectful to her by not wanting to meet her, and he said he didn’t respect me not wanting to meet her and felt disrespected, too. I personally feel like this was a big miscommunication on my part, and now some woman I’ve never met hates me just because I don’t have the time or energy to hang out with her just because she’s my friends girlfriend. So, with that all being said, AITA?

throwaway12e45678910

AITA for not wanting me meet my friends girlfriend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hxua3/aita_for_not_wanting_me_meet_my_friends_girlfriend/

17hxua3

So I’ll give a little back story. My friend, let’s call him Dan, and I hung out a few months ago. We went to a bar then out to eat. Dan did not bring much money. In fact be only brought about $20. Which he spent in the first half hour at the bar. He asks if he can borrow some money. So I say sure. At first I just buy him a couple of rounds. Then I let him borrow $50. Again he spent the $50 relatively fast. He chose to drink cocktails and it added up fast. Afterwards I said let’s go to grab something to eat. So we Uber to Denny’s. I say don’t worry it’s on me. I said just send me $50 when you get paid the next Friday and all is good. Well Friday came and he didn’t pay me. So I waited until the next Monday to ask him if he got paid and he said yeah but he forgot he had a credit card to pay off. Then he ghosted me for a about a week. He texts me on a Friday and asks if I would like to hang out. I say sure, if he has the $50 to pay me first. He never responded. A few weeks go by and another friend, let’s call him Joe, texts me and asks if I would like to hang out. I say sure and I head over to his place. And who is there? Dan. Dan acts like nothing has happened. I ask him why he never paid me $50 and why he ghosted me. He says I am making a big deal out of it. He says that I have been harassing him. To which Joe agrees and says he invited me over to chill not to cause any drama. I laughed and said I’m not causing drama I just want my money. Joe got pissy and said I should leave. I then told Joe he was a bitch, and that’s why he was standing up for Dan. That they are the same. Both single in their 30’s, dead end jobs and nothing going on in their lives. I told them they won’t amount to anything in this life. I told Dan to keep the money as a gift of pity. Then I left. I told a different friend who doesn’t know them and she said I took it too far and was an asshole. Was I?

needadvicdeed

AITA for calling my friend a bitch for siding with my other friend who was clearly in the wrong?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hy01d/aita_for_calling_my_friend_a_bitch_for_siding/

17hy01d

I changed my Last Will and Testament due to me being poorly and also realising that things had dramatically changed since my partner(F61) and I(M60) wrote our Wills about 15 years ago and this needed to be corrected. I have told her that she needs to change hers so that her kids get everything, except for the house. I wanted my daughter(F38) to have enough money to be able to buy a house for herself outright. I have some savings and also a life insurance policy which ends in 9 years time. So, I changed my original will to a one where if anything happened to me my daughter would get all my money and my partner would be left with the house and she would also be left with a monthly spouse’s pension and she would get that for life. We are not married but have been together nearly 20 years. Over the last 5 years our relationship has changed dramatically. We do not watch any Tv together or eat together, we also sleep in separate bedrooms. and I’m not saying that any one of us is a fault for this happening, it’s just where we are in our relationship. To be honest it’s like 2 people living in the same home with nothing in common. There is much more in the background to the above, happening but nothing to do with any other people.

Stormbringer2020

AITA: I changed my will, so that my daughter gets my life insurance and savings etc and my partner gets our house and my spouse’s pension, she said that I should not have done it without talking to her first as that’s just sly.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hy3ws/aita_i_changed_my_will_so_that_my_daughter_gets/

17hy3ws

My husband and I have been together for 10 years. He's always had the same large friend group since middle school. From which his best friend, a girl he's known since they were 10. They're such good friends, she's even one of my kids godmother. Her and I have always been on good enough terms. We're both Alpha females so have butt heads a bit over the years but nothing dramatic. However, over the last 2 years... things have gotten a little weird. Started by her asking my husband for some 'just the group' time, meaning no spouses. Then some nights out just the two of them- they used to have an occasional lunches date, etc before we had kids. I tried to be sympathetic since she's chronically single and no kids. But then I felt I was getting the cold shoulder more and more when we all would hang out. And she never really took an interest in our kids (even her godchild) although I would see her on social media, hanging out with all their other friends and their kids. My husband said I was overthinking it and his friend liked me a lot, but he agreed to mention it her. Well, the night he brings it up (I wasn't there), she confesses that she's in love with him. And that it's hard for her to see him with a family because she wishes it was with her. He tells her that he loves her as his best friend but he's never felt anything romantic. He's an honest guy and tells me immediately. Apologies to me for not seeing the signs earlier. And agrees to take a break from the friendship to let things settle. After a few weeks, I see they're texting and chatting again. He asked if I'd be okay if he went out with her with a few friends. I'm going back and forth on how to feel. I have respect for a 20+ year friendship. But I think its disrespectful to the concept of marriage to continue having a best friend like this.... WIBTA if I told him to cut off this friendship?

Agitated790

WIBTA if I asked my husband to chose between me and his best friend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyat5/wibta_if_i_asked_my_husband_to_chose_between_me/

17hyat5

I am autistic \[26F\] and my dad is \[55M\]. First off let me tell you a little history about my family. My entire family has a little problem with respecting people's boundaries. They actually get enjoyment crossing people's boundaries and upsetting people. As well they actually love making me butt of every joke. So over the years I've had resentment build up from that, so i tend get more snappy at their boundary crossing. I am very protective of my food because I grew up needing to eat my food as quick as possible. Mostly because if I didn't get to meals enough, it would completely be consumed my dad before I even got any. \--- -end of that little history lesson Well nowadays, Anytime my dad see making anything to eat for myself. He'll start trying to take my food, or trying to pick food off my plate. I've nicely told him many times to stop. He'll just laugh, and try to do it again. Well After a while, I've gotten completely fed up with him doing, every time he see my with food. So recently I screamed "F-ing Stop! My mom and dad are acting like I'm being a jerk for snapping at my dad. ​

CringeGremlin

AITA for yelling at me dad to stop touching my food

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyc58/aita_for_yelling_at_me_dad_to_stop_touching_my/

17hyc58

I (17 M) like mechatronics and robotics that use microcontrollers like Arduino and Raspberry Pi. My father has a close friend who owns a fast food dining place. Lets call the friend Bob (that's not his real name). I am not realy close with Bob but I have met him a lot beacause of my dad. Bob had a problem that customers would often use his bathrooms without playing wich acumulates money beacause they use water. Some people buy food once and use the code written on the reciept to access the bathrooms. He asked me to make him a QR code based lock that uses a scanner to scan the code (it is available for use only for 10 minutes after you buy something) from the reciept and it will unlock the door if the conditions are met. He had heard that Raspberry Pi is the best microcontroller and wanted me to use it. I explained ro him that I could use a cheaper one but he insisted. If you dont know Raspberry Pi is not very cheap so I told him that he could repay me by giving me a 5 dollar budget to buy food every two weeks until he repay me for the parts(the labor was for free). When I was ready he told me that he won't be playing me in any form beacause he think that something like this is easy to make and every person who has studied basics Python can make it. I was furious beacause I spent my free time and also expected to get some free food for the next few months or even a year. I decided not to give my creation to him and he became angry and told my father who said that I was being unreasonable and should just give my work for free. I got into an argument with him and now we are not speaking. My mother is on my side but she said that I shouldn't be angry at my father. He has always been not intrested in the things I do. So now we are all divided me and my mum vs my dad and Bob. Just to clarify me and Bob didn't have any type of agreement only "gentelmens trust" . So that's probably my mistake. I am at a loss beacause I don't wnat to be in a bad relationship with my dad but I also don't want my hard work to be worth nothing. Also this is my first time posting on Reddit. I only came here beacause my best friend told me to.

Fluid-dynamic

AITA for denying to give my work for free to my father's friend after he didn't do his end of the deal

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyc77/aita_for_denying_to_give_my_work_for_free_to_my/

17hyc77

Am I the Asshole? ​ I, 30 year old female, have been with my husband, 38 year old male, for 10 years. We have 2 children (ages 4 and 2). We both work full-time. I am a full-time teacher, and I am out of the house by 7:15 AM every morning. I often set out clothes for our sons, and say goodbye to our oldest in the morning. My husband, who works from home, drop them off with a sitter by 8 AM sharp. By the end of my school day, I pack up and pick up our two children. I then spend time with them for multiple hours, make dinner every night, clean up, and get things ready for the kids for the next day. Once my husband is done with work (2-3 hours after I am done with work), he comes downstairs to eat dinner with us (that is hot and ready). We may go for a walk or spend some family time together, and the kids are starting bedtime by 7:30 PM. Often, my husband and I clean up together, do dishes, put away dinner, and shift the laundry. However, Fridays are my only night for 2 hours by myself. My husband often takes our children to his parents house. They make dinner for the kids, and they hang out with his family. Now, I used to go every Friday as well. Yet, I do not get along well with his mother. His mother has never been fond of me. For the past 10 months, I have visited seldomly. Yet, I feel like my break from his mother is warranted. For example: when we were engaged, she asked if I was knocked up, and then looked at my husband and said "do you really want to marry her?" When we found out I was pregnant, she was mad saying that my husband didn't want children. When we announced we were having a boy, she said it was my fault it wasn't a girl. When we were pregnant with a second son, she said I should have learned my lesson with the first. And once my husband had a vasectomy, she told me I was interfering with God's will of having more children. Never once did my husband defend me. Last Christmas, I had my last straw. She hated the name of our second child. She went off in front of the family about how much she disliked the name. Even going as far as saying she would call him something else. I blew up in front of the entire family. All of my in-laws backed me up, except for her obviously. I sat in in the kitchen Christmas Eve crying. My husband said very little. After that, I made it clear that I would not be coming over very often. My husband was mad, saying that it wouldn't be the same, but he dropped the fight eventually. Yet, I still text his father, brother, and uncle frequently with family updates, pictures of the kids, and more. Funny enough, our fights about his mother lessened greatly! I feel like me wanting 2 hours on a Friday night alone is not unreasonable. Especially since I am predominantly with our kids. When he returns from his parents house, I take the kids to put to bed while he goes out with his friends. Every single Friday. So am I the asshole? ​

No-Explanation4142

AITA--Friday Night Dinners

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hycht/aitafriday_night_dinners/

17hycht

me (f15) and my sister (f18) are, or were, very close. we spend all of our time together and talk pretty much 24/7, and we have about a million matching accounts and projects together and such, though we don't live in the same house. yesterday i was going to post some pictures to show off my new haircut and nails, and i sent them to her to see before i posted them. one of the pictures was from the shoulders up and two were of my whole body and my stomach was showing. i've been overweight my whole life and just recently lost enough weight to be healthy, and i worked very hard to have a waist that is small and i'm proud of. she recently lost weight too, but she did it by not eating and i did it by actually working out. anyways she told me it was weird that i posted so many photos of my stomach (i had done it twice before) and asked me why i did it. i explained that i was proud of my hard work and wanted to show it off but she still argued that i shouldn't do it. here's where i think i might be the asshole. i told her that i wouldn't expect her to understand because she's been relatively thin her whole life and she wouldn't understand how it is to feel proud of yourself for losing weight because she just lost weight with an eating disorder and that she's never worked for anything in her life. we stopped talking then and around 2 am she texted me that she was going to sleep and i just said ok. when i woke up in the morning she had blocked me on everything and when i checked her account with a burner account i found she'd made a post saying i was awful and that she was better off without me and didn't care about me anymore. so aita? edit: i feel like i should specify i had bulimia for a long time and her not eating is caused by chronic nausea (which i also have) and meds

lostinspac33

AITA for starting a fight with my sister?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyhvn/aita_for_starting_a_fight_with_my_sister/

17hyhvn

My friend and I went out to eat at this restaurant for girl’s night. After we ate the waitress asked if we wanted a separate check or not and I said separate. After the waitress brought the check back and walked away my friend told me she forgot her wallet. I told her no big deal she can just send me the money through Zelle. She told me that I should treat her since I invited her out for girls night. I told her in the history of us having girl nights it’s been a thing that we each pay for ourselves because we end up ordering quite a bit of drinks which can get expensive in addition to our meal. I told her she has to pay me back. Her order cost $65 and she never sent me the money. I asked her a week later if she can Zelle me the money and said she didn’t have it at the time since she just paid some bills and told me she’d give it to me when she has it and I need to stop acting like I’m “broke and desperate for money”. I ended up contacting her bf to get in touch with her and he said he was at work at the time and wasn’t aware of what happened but he’d tell her to contact me. She texted me later that day telling me not to contact her bf ever again and said her bf always pays for her when they go out so since I invited her out it should be my treat to her and I need to stop asking her to pay me back. I took a screenshot of her message and sent it to her bf in hopes he’d compensate me for her and she ended up texting me telling me she just blocked me from his phone because I shouldn’t be contacting him. She told me she’s never met anyone so desperate for money and if I’m that broke I have bigger issues to worry about. She ended up blocking me from everything.

Turbulenturb

AITA for contacting my friend’s SO to pay me back money she owes me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hykk6/aita_for_contacting_my_friends_so_to_pay_me_back/

17hykk6

Back story: my friend (we will call her Sara) had an incident occur last summer that left her with a phone while she watched my two children aiden 5 and adam 9 and her own. I am a single mother and receive very little help with my oldest who is on the spectrum. I know what it’s like to have someone screw you over and have no help so I could not allow that in good conscious. so I paid the remainder of what was owed on the line I was not using and added her to my plan with the condition no payment was needed as long as she helped with watching my boys on holiday breaks if I didn’t have at home time or couldn’t find an alternative. Ff to fall break I asked and confirmed dates weeks in advance… she agreed. When it came time to watch him and I gave a reminder “she forgot” and could no longer help. Christmas break same thing she agreed but this time “couldn’t do it for free because she couldn’t afford Christmas for her four children “ So I bought $300 worth of Christmas toys to help. The following holiday breaks is was the same id ask in advance she’d confirm then forget about appointments. The cycle continued until the summer when she decided she could no longer handle watching my older son. That was fine as I understand watching multiple kids is hard especially when special-needs comes into play we came to an agreement she would pay her portion of the phone bill and still help when she could, and all was fine. To add context We often (every weekend) trade kids and I’ll take them to do fun things like camping fishing ect I’ll take hers one night and then we would hangout the next day. I have never expected payment for giving her nights off our kids are best friends. Ff to a few weeks ago I could not find anyone to help with my oldest while I attended an adult only event with my sister. So I asked Sara She gave a “ehhh maybe” and when it came closer to time, I asked again she eventually agreed she’d help And stated she’d pay the remainder of what she owed on the phone bill that month. I dropped him off at 8 PM and she stated she wanted him picked up before he woke up the next morning. I agreed. Sunday came and I came over and hung out when it came time to leave I forgot to grab the payment, when I reminded her days later she made the statement she would never have watched him for free. No agreement was made nor did I expect it to be required since I take her children on a regular basis to give her a break. And said this is why you don’t have help with adam. (Adam’s paternal side of the family is not involved and has never been so I often have little to no help with him because he is on the spectrum) Argument continued and it came to me saying I should have never mixed money and friendship and that she needed to pay me for the phone I gave her and get on a different phone plan or she could continue to pay me until she found an alternative. So…. AITA

Certain_Ad9836

AITA for removing my ex bff from my phone plan over $30

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hymdu/aita_for_removing_my_ex_bff_from_my_phone_plan/

17hymdu

My cousin's wedding is coming up. After the invitations came out, my mom called me to make sure I knew that I had a plus one, if I wanted to bring anyone, wink wink. As I get closer to turning 30, she and my dad have gotten more and more concerned that I'm not married. Thing is, I do kind of have a BF of two years, but we're poly and he's legally married (yes, his wife knows) and that's not something my parents would understand or accept. I'm starting to think that I should bring him anyway and present him as a relationship. I know we have a boundary of keeping things reasonably private, but it would really get them off my back for a while. My parents already know about him because we live together most of the time (we're traveling nurses), they just don't know that we're more than friends, so it's the easiest story to tell and an easy backpedal. I've asked him, and he's not comfortable with it because it would be "lying" to my parents, and it puts him in an uncomfortable position if they look into social media and start making assumptions. I don't get it. I don't need him to act like we're getting married. His personal social media doesn't make anything obvious and my parents aren't going to start digging like that. I just want a nice story to buy time. It's one day. Some of my friends say I'm overstepping because I've always had a strong solo poly ethic and this is too much to ask, but some of them don't think it's a big deal and he's overthinking it.

sloren80

AITA for wanting my boyfriend to be my plus one to my cousin's wedding?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hytzh/aita_for_wanting_my_boyfriend_to_be_my_plus_one/

17hytzh

Me (25 NB) and my partner (28 M) got unexpectedly pregnant right when I was starting graduate school and we couldn’t afford our bills with a baby, graduate school and only his income so we decided to move in with his mom (68 f) and dad (60 m). MIL has a severe hoarding problem. MIL also has early stages of dementia but will not admit it. Her mother (84/5 F) has it and cannot remember who anyone is. MIL has made living here very difficult. she has severe mood swings where anything you do results in her yelling, if you help clean any clutter she gets extremely angry but will also yell at us for not helping her clean, if you manage to clean anything she immediately puts more clutter there, she has severe memory problems forgetting whole conversations and she constantly fixates on the negatives of her recent past (my partner getting a life threatening illness a few years ago, her recovering from cancer last year, her husband losing his business and “only” making 35k for a few years). We talked to his father about getting her neurological/psychological help and while he agrees he wants to wait until we have our current home project done. She refuses to talk to a therapist any time it’s brought up. Our plan for the house was that MIL and FIL were going to move downstairs so their old room could be the baby’s nursery. We just had to make some fixes to the downstairs. We’ve been here for two months and we have cleaned the room out, filled in a wall where a door was, mudded the screw holes and that’s it. Currently MIL is working on plastering, she will not let anyone help her(and also complains that we’re making her do it alone). Two weeks ago was when she started and she still hasn’t finished. This morning I caught her “organizing” a clutter room and asked her if she was going to work on the downstairs today. She snapped at me and brought up all the usual past issues and expressed that this is the first time she’s been able to do anything around the house. I told her I understand but currently there is no room for the baby (our room is really small) and I can’t even pack our hospital bag because all the baby stuff has to be in storage, and I am getting concerned about the progress. She told me she has too many chores to keep up with even though I have asked her multiple times to let me help with chores. I asked her how can I help. She then said it didn’t matter because I don’t know how to do laundry correctly and mudding/plastering requires training I don’t have (she was an architect until she became a housewife at 35). she said the baby dosent even need a room until it’s three months old and that I’m being selfish and inconsiderate. I’m due in 8 weeks and the baby could come sooner. I grew up in a hoarder house too so it’s not like I don’t understand how hard it is to get rid of stuff. I just want a safe clear space for my baby like I was promised. AITA?

MsLolitaMarz

AITA mother in law says I’m selfish for wanting a room for my baby at 32 weeks pregnant.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyuwu/aita_mother_in_law_says_im_selfish_for_wanting_a/

17hyuwu

This has been going on for years, and I genuinely can't take it anymore. I have been out as non-binary for 3 years, and have made it known that I go by 'Wren' instead of my deadname (which I will not be naming here. The only thing you need to know is that it's very feminine.) It isn't much of a difference, and it actually used to be one of my nicknames. I only started getting mad about 8 months ago, but it's gotten really bad recently due to school. There are a few select people who have met me when I wasn't out yet, and they know my deadname makes me uncomfortable. This is a well known fact around the whole school. But they continuously use the wrong name to speak to me, even going out of their way to say it. I've spoken to them about it, but they don't change their actions. The part where I may be the asshole is when a few days ago, I was speaking to my classmate. We'll call him 'Z'. Z went out of his way to use my deadname, and I got mad. I raised my voice a bit, telling him things like "I've told you I don't go by that." and "Honestly, are you that ignorant to realise it makes me uncomfortable?" He then got really quiet and just walked away from me. Now, whenever he needs me, he just says "Hey, you." It's as if getting mad at him completely shut him down. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this, and I honestly feel quite guilty. So, AITA? EDIT: For people wondering, the deadname is my legal name. But, I can't change it. I don't have the money or time, and it would likely cause most of my family to disown me (most of them don't accept, but they respect as long as it doesn't change anything major.)

Wren__0O

AITA for getting mad when someone uses my deadname when referring to me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyv11/aita_for_getting_mad_when_someone_uses_my/

17hyv11

I got a minor medical procedure last week following a medical treatment involving lots of meds with hefty side effects. I'm not on the meds anymore, but the side effects are pretty terrible. The side effects and healing process from the procedure are at their worst yesterday and today. I'm not supposed to do anything strenuous including hiking, kicking, jumping, or running for two weeks. My in-laws came into town for a week and we haven't seen them in 9 months. My spouse booked a reservation for a tour at a national park a few months ago, not knowing I would be undergoing this medical treatment. I didn't really want to go but my spouse insisted I should come along and that all the activities would be something I could do. The activities discussed were a "quick stop for pictures at National Park A, sightsee around town, go to hotel and spend the night, check out of hotel, tour at National Park B, go home. On the 3 hour car ride to the town with the national park, my spouse suddenly decided to stop by an additional national park to hike. This is a national park we hiked at previously last year. I was not feeling well. They went to hike while I waited in the car. I was annoyed but it wasn't a big deal. After we got to the hotel, we didn't end up sightseeing in the town. Today, after checking out of the hotel, we went on the tour. It involved hiking 3 miles downhill mostly. I wasn't aware that the tour would be this strenuous. I tried to insist we do the easier tour which was half as long and mostly flat, but my spouse wasn't having it. I was mostly fine but in pain towards the end. To my surprise, my spouse suddenly decides to go on another hike at the national park from yesterday. It's a 4 mile hike. I'm in too much pain from the 3 mile hike I wasn't supposed to do in the first place today. I say I don't think it's fair to ditch me in the car alone like this. They all leave anyway. I'm currently alone in the car by myself and shocked I have signal. I'm pissed and I don't think I plan on talking to them the rest of the day. I'm tempted to just take the car and drive off.. I feel like it's extremely selfish to ditch me here at a park only a couple hours away from home which we've all been to before, not just yesterday, but previously when I was able to hike. WIBTA for starting an argument when they get back? Edited for clarification. Update: I didn't yell, but I did send a terse text message. I'm definitely upset. I was under the impression this trip would be something I could physically handle. Had I known all everyone wanted to do is hike, I would have stayed home like I wanted to in the first place. I plan on having words with my spouse in private later.

fleshyfartfinger

WIBTA for yelling at my spouse for leaving me alone in the car to hike?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hywgh/wibta_for_yelling_at_my_spouse_for_leaving_me/

17hywgh

My brother recently got evicted for non-payment of rent and asked me if he could stay at my place. At first I said yes. Then he told me his religion doesn’t allow him to keep a dog and asked me to rehome or surrender my dog. I said no to that. I told him he can’t expect me to rehome or surrender my dog for him. He was really angry at my answer and shouted at me that I was a bad brother. I replied that he can take his religion to some place place because it doesn’t apply to me and that he can’t shove it down my throat. Before he left he asked me point blank if I care more about my dog than him and I admitted yes. Sent him on his way. Our sister later called, saying it was mean of me to answer yes when he asked me that question at the end. Should I have just refused to answer instead of telling him how I feel?

ZhangLoa

AITA for telling my brother to take his religion somewhere else?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyz1r/aita_for_telling_my_brother_to_take_his_religion/

17hyz1r

I know the title sounds so harsh but I will add back story for context. The whole story is far too long to type so I will try to keep it as short as possible. I am extremely close to one of my cousins so I asked her to be one of my three bridesmaids but from day one of asking her she has been nothing but drama. Firstly, she wanted to dictate the bridesmaid dresses but when they finally agreed on one they all liked we had to order online and she lied about her size so the dress wouldn’t fit. I brought the dress to a seamstress who said nothing could be done so I had to try to order another dress. The site I ordered from have basically zero returns policy (I only found this out after ordering from this site) so I had to take the cost of the first dress as a loss and buy a second dress. Secondly, she had a HUGE meltdown about where and when SHE wanted my hen party to be. I wanted it abroad, she didn’t want it abroad. My only sister and MOH is currently living in Australia and won’t be back home to Ireland until a month before the wedding, my cousin wanted it more than a month before the wedding meaning my sister wouldn’t be there. Eventually she came around and agreed it was my hen party not hers and she would be happy to do whatever I wanted. We went ahead and booked it and she then pulled out and gave an excuse which she is also lying about. Thirdly, I have bought the bridesmaid dresses and I am paying for their hair and make up on the day, I have bought them personalised robes, Prosecco glasses and bits and bobs for the morning of the wedding while we’re getting ready and I am also buying them jewellery etc. she is insisting that on top of that I also need to pay for their shoes, tan, nails and hotel rooms for them to stay in at the venue. I’m not sure what is traditionally paid for so she could be totally right but we are on a pretty tight budget and I feel like she is demanding a lot. Fourthly, she doesn’t want her hair done in certain styles for the day of the wedding. Basically she’s not happy with any of the styles the other bridesmaids or I have picked and only wants her hair done the exact same way I will be having my hair done. Lastly, she has just told me she is now pregnant and will be 7 months by the time the wedding comes around and she basically laughed at the fact I will have to buy her yet another dress. Am I the a**hole for thinking this is the last straw and wanting to drop her? In general I am such a people pleaser and honestly so far, even though I have been so upset about how she has been acting as a bridesmaid, I haven’t pulled her on anything and have really been trying to compromise with her but I just feel so deflated and done right now. I know people get stressed when it comes to wedding planning but I haven’t been one bit stressed planning the wedding in general, she has been the main source of my stress. Is it ok to drop her politely and if so how should I do it?

BeccaW4444

AITA for wanting to drop my pregnant bridesmaid?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hyzzj/aita_for_wanting_to_drop_my_pregnant_bridesmaid/

17hyzzj

English is not my first language so sorry for grammar mistakes. I (f21) have dated my bf (22m) for 1,5 year. We are both students and live in the same city but neather of us are from here. My bf family lives 1,5 hour away and my family 5 hours away. Christmas is always be a verry big holliday in my family. We aren't religious but my mom, sister and SIL have always loved the Christmas. My bf's family don't take it as seriously (not really gift fiving, decorating or making any special dishes what I have heard of). Last night I asked my bf if we could spent this Christmas with my family, because it's so big day in my family and because of the distance I only see them 2-4 times a year. The first thing he said was how long we would be there, because he doesn't want to be there more than 2 days. I told him that because I don't see my family as often than he does (about once a mont) it would be nice to be there a little longer. We have visited my family home once in this 1,5 year and that visit was this summer, and it lasted under 24 hours. When I asked why he would not like to be longer he said that because he doesn't want to be bored there and what if he have more important thins here to do. Those important things to do includet being on discord with his friends and whatching sport. I told him that I was going to take my ps5 with me, so we can all (my family include) play it together. He really doesn't like that idea neather. After that we start fighting and bf yells me that it's not his fault that my family lives so far away and why I need to him be there with me. Mind you that he have meet my parents 2 times, sister once and brother never (he really likes to meet my bf and have been upset that he haven't got change to meet him, because everytime he visit here my bf have some excuses not to meet him.) I just wanted him to meet my whole family, because i have met his family so manny times. I also think that it would be fair to stay there 4-6 days because of the long drive and bc i don't see them as often and want to spent time with them when I have can. This same fight starts everytime i ask him if we could visit my family together and he does never want to go there and i just don't understand why. Our families are also verry similar so i don't undestand what the issue here is. I just hope that he could understand why this is important to me and my family, especially because my mom personally invited him. So AITH for wanting to spent Christmas with my family? Need to add that my bf does not really care about christmas and if we visited his family the visit would last max couple hours before him want to leave there. I also ask him that we would be this year with my family and next year with his but he does not like that idea neather. Seems like he just don't want to visit my family.

ConsiderationRude887

AITA for wanting to spent Christmas with my family?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hz017/aita_for_wanting_to_spent_christmas_with_my_family/

17hz017

My (13F) mom (39F) walked out on her family when I was 5 and my half sister was 11; she never paid any child support for those 8 years. 4 years ago I started staying at her house every other weekend. A couple of months ago my dad (who raised me and my sister,) asked for child support. I was at her house at the time and she was crying uncontrollably and I was very distraught seeing my mother like this. She kept saying, “why would he do this… that maybe I could talk some sense into him.” She refused to eat; I was conflicted because I didn’t want my mother to be upset but my dad is and has always been my best friend. It took a month to find out what child support was going to be, I just wanted her to go back to normal and acting like she loved me. As of lately she could barely look me in the eye and I couldn’t help but think this is all my fault as a 13 year old? It was her decision to walk out on us. The last weekend I spent with her crushed me when she said to me,“this is the most depressed she has ever been in her life,” that wasn’t when you lost custody of your kids? When you were in jail? When you weren’t allowed to see us because of the restraining order? It crushed me because how could she say that have no self awareness whatsoever… am I just not enough for her? I would also like to add that she if fully supporting her boyfriend (40M). He is living with her FREE, works one day a week max so he can get away with not paying child support for his own kids. He has cheated. She got together with him before she even got any custody of us yet; she lied about it even though me and my sister already knew the truth. What really is the cherry on top though is how my sister took my mothers side with the child support. She said, “why now?” Because we were barely making it by every month, my dad is on disability. We have been living with my grandparents since I was 5 because we couldn’t afford to live on our own. She makes more than double what my dad makes in a month. I just think she doesn’t care because there no way she could be that delusional that she thinks we make anywhere near as much as she does but her money does go faster I suppose because of her mooch of a bf who sits around all day playing video games, never helping carry in groceries but still finding the time to yell at my mom, or her family that dotes on her like she’s dying because she has to pay money that is going towards me, or how my grandmother said how dare my dad for asking for child support from my mother.The only thing I can’t figure out is why do I feel like I there’s something wrong with me for not feeling bad for her? Why does her family feel bad for her but I don’t does that make me a bad daughter? Should I feel guilty?

CombinationSea1270

AITA For Not Feeling Guilty?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hz313/aita_for_not_feeling_guilty/

17hz313

As my title suggests, I'm thinking of going to a Deadmau5 concert with my kids who are 14 and 10 years old. My boyfriend says IWBTA because people go to EDM concerts to party, have fun, and not worry about children. I asked his opinion in the first place because I was more worried about the appropriateness for the kids, knowing that there will be people at the concert on many different substances. I was not expecting his outright hostility towards children at EDM concerts, and I still don't agree with his point of view. He suggested I ask reddit for more viewpoints. WIBTA if I take my kids to a EDM concert? Additional information: my kids are well-behaved and they both like EDM and dancing since they've grown up with it but this would be their first concert experience. My 14 year old is bigger than me and my 10 year old is almost as tall as me (she's 5 feet tall). The venue is outdoors (red rocks) and we'd be in the general admission section. The concert information page says all ages.

Zlevin

WIBTA for taking my kids to an EDM concert?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hz4bi/wibta_for_taking_my_kids_to_an_edm_concert/

17hz4bi