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had seen this sweet child as was people watching she had had her hand grasped around her mothers little finger. |
Apparently, the little girl had loosened herself from her mothers hand and run over to me. |
looked over and saw that her mother had chased after her. |
Seeing her little girl with her arms around my neck, the mother asked me, Please bless my little girl and let her go. |
did not know what language the child spoke, but said to her in English, Please go. |
Your mother has lots of kisses for you, lots of hugs, lots of toys, and lots of sweets. |
The child hung on to my neck and would not let go. |
Again, the mother folded her palms together and pleaded with me in a very kindly tone, Please, sir, give her your blessing and let her go. |
By this time, other people in the airport were beginning to notice. |
They must have thought that knew this child, that perhaps she was related to me somehow. |
Surely they thought there was some strong bond between us. |
did not even know what language she spoke. |
You and your mother have a plane to catch. |
Your mother has all your toys and candy. |
But the little girl would not budge. |
She clung to me harder and harder. |
The mother then very gently took the little girls hands off my neck and asked me to bless her. |
You are a very good little girl, said. |
Your mother loves you very much. |
But still the little girl would not go. |
Finally the mother carefully snatched her up. |
The toddler was kicking and screaming. |
She was trying to get loose and come back to me. |
But this time the mother managed to carry her off to the plane. |
The last saw of her she was still struggling to get loose and run back to me. |
Maybe because of my robes, this little girl thought was a Santa Claus or some kind of fairytale figure. |
Perhaps this little child felt this children are extremely sensitive in these ways, their psyches absorb whatever feelings are around them. |
When you are angry, they feel those vibrations and when you are full of love and compassion, they feel that too. |
This little girl may have been drawn to me by the feelings of loving friendliness she felt. |
We have the capacity to act with loving friendliness. |
We may not even know we have this quality in ourselves, but the power of loving friendliness is inside us all. |
Loving friendliness is one of the four sublime states defined by the Buddha, along with compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. |
All four states are interrelated we cannot develop one without the other. |
One way to understand them is to think of different stages of parenthood. |
When a young woman finds out she is going to have a child, she feels a tremendous outpouring of love for the baby she will bear. |
She will do everything she can to protect the infant growing inside her. |
She will make every effort to make sure the baby is well and healthy. |
Like metta, the feeling a new mother has for her infant is limitless and all-embracing and, like metta, it does not depend on actions or behavior of the one receiving our thoughts of loving friendliness. |
As the infant grows older and starts to explore his world, the parents develop compassion. |
Every time the child scrapes his knee, falls down, or bumps his head, the parent feels the childs pain. |
Some parents even say that when their child feels pain, it is as if they themselves were being hurt. |
Compassion leads us to appropriate action and the appropriate, compassionate action is just the pure, heartfelt hope that the pain stop and the child not suffer. |
As time passes, the child heads off to school. |
Parents watch as the youngster makes friends, does well in school, sports, and other activities. |
Maybe the child does well on a spelling test, makes the baseball team, or gets elected class president. |
Thinking of how we would feel for our own child, we can feel this for others. |
Even when we think of others whose success exceeds our own, we can appreciate their achievement and rejoice in their happiness. |
To continue in our example Eventually, after many years, the child grows up. |
He finishes school and goes out on his own perhaps he marries and starts a family. |
Now it is time for the parents to practice equanimity. |
Clearly, what the parents feel for the child is not indifference. |
It is an appreciation that they have done all that they could do for the child. |
Of course the parents continue caring for and respecting their child, but they do so with awareness that they no longer steer the outcome of their childs life. |
The ultimate goal of our practice of meditation is the cultivation of these four sublime states of loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. |
The word metta comes from another Pali word, mitra, which means friend. |
That is why prefer to use the phrase loving friendliness as a translation of metta, rather than loving kindness. |
The Sanskrit word mitra also refers to the sun at the center of our solar system that makes all life possible. |
Just as the suns rays provide energy for all living things, the warmth and radiance of metta flows in the heart of all living beings. |
Different objects reflect the suns energy differently. |
Similarly, people differ in their ability to express loving friendliness. |
Some people seem naturally warmhearted, while others are more reserved and reluctant to open their hearts. |
Some people struggle to cultivate metta others cultivate it without difficulty. |
But there is no one who is totally devoid of loving friendliness. |
We are all born with the instinct for metta. |
We can see it even in young babies who smile readily at the sight of another human face, any human face at all. |
Sadly, many people have no idea how much loving friendliness they have. |
Their innate capacity for loving friendliness may be buried under a heap of hatred, anger, and resentment accumulated through a lifetimeperhaps many lifetimesof unwholesome thoughts and actions. |
But all of us can cultivate our heart, no matter what. |
We can nourish the seeds of loving friendliness until the force of loving friendliness blossoms in all our endeavors. |
In the Buddhas time, there was a man named Angulimala this man was, to use the language of today, a serial killer, a mass murderer. |
He was so wretched that he wore around his neck a garland of fingers taken from the people he had slaughtered, and he planned to make the Buddha his thousandth victim. |
In spite of Angulimalas reputation and his gruesome appearance, the Buddha nonetheless could see his capacity for loving friendliness. |
As a result of the Buddhas teaching, Angulimala threw away his sword and surrendered to the Buddha, joining the followers of the Buddha and becoming ordained. |
As it turned out, Angulimala started his vicious killing spree many years earlier because a man whom Angulimala regarded as his teacher had directed him to do so. |
As soon as he became a monk, his true nature was revealed, and not long after his ordination, he became enlightened. |
The story of Angulimala shows us that sometimes people can appear very cruel and wicked, yet we must realize they are not that way by nature. |
Circumstances in their lives make them act in unwholesome ways. |
In Angulimalas case, he became a murderer because of his devotion to his teacher. |
For every one of us, not just violent criminals, there are countless causes and conditionsboth wholesome and unwholesomethat make us act as we do. |
In addition to the meditation offered earlier in this book, Id like to offer another way to practice loving friendliness. |
Again, you start out in this meditation by banishing thoughts of self-hatred and condemnation. |
At the beginning of a meditation session, say the following sentences to yourself. |
And again, really feel the intention May my mind be filled with the thoughts of loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. |
May all that see, hear, smell, taste, touch, and think help me to cultivate loving friendliness, compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity. |
May all these experiences help me to cultivate thoughts of generosity and gentleness. |
May they all help me to relax. |
May they help me be free from fear, tension, anxiety, worry, and restlessness. |
When we cultivate loving friendliness in ourselves, we learn to see that others have this kind, gentle naturehowever well hidden it might be. |
Sometimes we have to dig very deep to find it, other times it might be nearer to the surface. |
The Buddha told the story of a monk who finds a filthy piece of cloth on the road. |
The rag is so nasty, at first the monk does not even want to touch it. |
He kicks it with his foot to knock off some of the dirt. |
Disgusted, he gingerly picks it up with two fingers, holding it away from himself with contempt. |
Yet even as the monk does this, he sees potential in that scrap of dirty cloth, and takes it home and washes itover and over and over. |
Eventually, the wash water runs clean, and from underneath the filth and grime, a useful piece of material is revealed. |
The monk sees that he can, if he collects enough pieces, he could, perhaps, make this rag into part of a robe. |
Likewise, because of a persons nasty words, that person may seem totally worthless it may be impossible to see that persons potential for loving friendliness. |
But this is where the practice of Skillful Effort comes in. |
Underneath such a persons rough exterior, you may find the warm, radiant jewel that is the persons true nature. |
person may use very harsh words for others, yet sometimes still act with compassion and kindness. |