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My best friend and I were pranking her friend, and I told her to tell him that she likes him. She said no, but I forced her. After she told him, he told her that he likes her too. Their friendship is ruined because of me. She won't forgive me, and I feel really guilty. I feel like crying. | How do I repair my friendship? | This takes time. I don't know how long it has been, but perhaps if your friend is willing to discuss other things with you for a little while, you could discuss this at some point in the future.Hopefully the true intentions will become apparent (in the idea that it was a prank).Also, I encourage you to look at how this is affecting you and how you feel about yourself as well. If it was meant to be a joke and it did not work, that is not entirely your fault.I wonder how you could forgive yourself for what happened?Are you able to seek what you meant to do compared to what actually happened?Do you notice that not everything that has happened here is in your control?Do you recognize that even though you would like things to be better, if your friend is not ready or willing, you are trying to do your part to make it right?Maybe everyone who is/was involved in this can talk together all at the same time to set straight what is truth and what was misunderstood.I wonder if you can think of your own positive attributes (for example: honesty, compassion, trustworthiness, friendship, good listener, caring) and look at what truly exists within you rather than just one your friend is able to see right now.This can be really difficult for multiple reasons, not the least of which is that it involves more than just you, so it's important to focus on the idea that you can ask these other people who were involved to discuss it, but that is ultimately up to them.Best wishes for looking at the positive parts of yourself and your friendships. |
I was mentored by this guy for a few years spiritually. It was okay at times, but other times, it was just weird. I try not to think about it too much, but a lot of manipulation and lying happened, yet no one else really believed me when I told them. It's like he's two different people, and no one else really sees that side of him. I was blamed for a lot of our troubles, and now we don't really talk much. I'm worried because he's in a trusted position of leadership and no one suspects anything. They just think I'm attacking his character. How do I know for sure? | I have an old roommate who might be a psychopath | You may intuitively be sensing what many professionals in the social sciences and psychology have already understood.Just Google "psychopaths and leadership" and many articles come up about boardroom politics and that psychopaths are very successful in these roles.Theoretically, is it terrible that corporate leadership qualities match those of psychopaths? Well, yes. And, I consider your question as a mark of your sensitive awareness toward other people. Being able to recognize social dynamics, is a strength that you have.Psychopaths know how to be charming and to twist words so that others believe that their own interest is the same as the psychopath's.I agree with you about not being able to change people's minds who are attached to this person's interactions.The only way you can introduce a change in the relationship system of a psychopath is that if you are aware of illegal or law breaking activity, and you have evidence of this, that you contact relevant authorities.No one is allowed to break laws, including psychopaths. |
I was mentored by this guy for a few years spiritually. It was okay at times, but other times, it was just weird. I try not to think about it too much, but a lot of manipulation and lying happened, yet no one else really believed me when I told them. It's like he's two different people, and no one else really sees that side of him. I was blamed for a lot of our troubles, and now we don't really talk much. I'm worried because he's in a trusted position of leadership and no one suspects anything. They just think I'm attacking his character. How do I know for sure? | I have an old roommate who might be a psychopath | It doesn't really matter what the actual diagnosis is, and whether or not he is an actual psychopath, he has manipulated and lied to you, and that is enough reason for you to stay far away from him. Men (and women) with these characteristics can become violent. They can also make your life difficult by creating financial or legal trouble for you. Again, forget about him, and contact the police if you think he is in a position to harm others. |
She mostly targets me on social media. The bullying used to be much worse, but it is still going on. The comments are so vague, but I know that they are meant for me. Even when I confront her, she messages me short phrases to try to get in my head. If I try to fight back, she will ruin me. | How do I stop a bully who adults wouldn't recognize as bullying without speaking to the bully? | Sorry to hear of your problem situation. Feeling intimidated by another person is very unsettling.Stop having contact with the person.Bullies only interact with others either by intimidating someone or by themselves feeling intimidated by someone.Bullies do not have the same dynamics as everyone else.No one can convince or persuade or talk a bully out of their behavior.The best protection for yourself, assuming you are not being physically threatened by the person, is to close contact with them.This does not take away any of the disappointment or sadness of wishing for a better relationship with the person.Until the bully wants to interact differently with others, only harm can result from contact with them.Step one is to stop the bleeding, then to assess and learn to live with not having the person in your life. |
I'm having problems shutting them out and putting up walls. | How do I trust others? | It sounds like you would like to let other people get close to you and at the same time you are finding yourself compelled to keep people at a distance. Often times, when we have difficulty trusting others, it is because we have specific fears about what would happen if we get close or let our guard down. Such fears may be rooted in past experiences in relationships in which we were hurt and or disappointed. In working with a therapist, you can gain insight into what is underneath your compulsion to put walls around yourself and develop ways to form authentic, lasting, satisfying relationships with others. |
I'm having a quinceaera, and the girls don't like their dresses. They never told me, and now it's a week away. I don't know what to do. | The girls at my coming-of-age party don't like their dresses | How did you find out that the girls aren't happy with their dresses?Did you hear this directly from one of them or is this third hand information that someone else told you about one of the girls in your party?The answer matters because gossiping instead of directly telling you about a problem, is a problem in itself.I suggest a conversation with the entire group of girls in which you tell them how you actually are feeling about their opinions about the dresses.One topic you may consider bringing up is what everyone expects to get out of the party. Are they coming because they like one another and wearing a dress in which the girl is happy, is only one way of having fun together?You may learn a great deal as to the difference in values about a quinceaa among you and your friends.I hope you'll have a fun party! |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time? | Staying present is an attitude most of us aspire to, and most of us have to work at itcertainly at first. Im here to tell you that living in the now or being mindful is a skill anyone can learn. Unfortunately, the only way to do it is to do it. What a paradox! But there are plenty of other skills that we are not born with: walking on stilts, riding a bike, swimming, and driving a car are good examples. You cant learn them by reading about them.Having said that, I can recommend two books on the subject: Eckhart Tolles The Power of Now and David Richos When the Past is Present. Richo asks that we dont beat ourselves up about dwelling on past events. This is natures way of reminding us that we have unfinished business. But while we are attended to the wounds and confusion that litter our earlier lives, we can prepare to inhabit the expanded present that awaits us.He offers three helpful steps to making any important life change:Step One: Hold in awareness the behavior, belief, attitude, or characteristic you want to change in yourself and how you want to be different. Awareness is the opposite of distraction and stuffing.Step Two: Live as if you have already made the change. (This is hard and takes courage, but you can do it. Ride that bikeeven if for a foot or two.)Step Three: Be persistent. (Practice, practice, practice.)Just as two-year-olds are able to walk confidently after hundreds of hours of practice, youll be able to stay in the here and now as long as you want after trying and failing many, many times. |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time? | Would you describe yourself as sensitive to your surroundings and emotions?If yes, this may explain why letting go of past problems, is itself a problem.The dynamic of living one day at a time and letting go of past problems, is more imaginary and wishful than real.It is a popular notion of TV, FB, and media.Doing the letting go, has nothing to do with what is actually possible to do.Problems are not "let go", they are resolved somehow.Living one day at a time isn't possible for anyone who has consciousness. No one can really disconnect from reality every day on which they wake up.Instead of trying to do the impossible which is promoted online and in media, allow yourself time to recognize what went into creating a problem in your life, in the first place. Understanding problems leads to peacefulness and resolution. Then you will have more freedom to make new relationships.Also, be patient with this process and yourself.If you have deep attachment to painful situations in your life, then possibly now is your time for understanding what went wrong.This is a process which cannot be rushed if it is to be done well.If it is done thoroughly, then you very naturally will bring new relationships into your life.And life will no longer feel so painful that you can only manage "one day at a time" without hurting. You won't need to forget what happened yesterday. |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time? | Hi Chapel Hill,I like your goal; research is telling us more and more that one of the most important keys to happiness is having healthy relationships. If we feel successful in that area, it can give us the confidence and hope to tackle anything life throws at us.There are personal barriers we all have to having healthy relationships; it's our "stuff", our "baggage" (not a steam trunk, right...you have a cute little Gucci bag!).You hint that people may have hurt you in the past. Maybe fear says "stay away...hold onto resentment or you will be hurt again!". Resentment, or simply focusing on the past is certainly a barrier to improving any relationship. Learning to forgive ourselves and others is so important. And remember...forgiveness isn't about saying something was okay; it only means "It happened, I can't change that, and I don't want to carry it (anger, hurt, resentment) around anymore, so I let it go."Or...sometimes fear tells us that people won't accept us; this keeps us isolated for sure! But really, all fear wants is power over us.Fear is a trickster! It tells us that if we let go of the past, we will be rejected or hurt. It says "I'm trying to protect you!", but what it REALLYwants is to paralyze and isolate us all so it can feel powerful. Once you pull thesheeps clothing off of fear, you can see that it doesn't help you at all!Once you see where your personal barriers are, and you start to refute those thoughts in your mind, you can begin to build new ideas about yourself and other people that are based on compassion instead of fear...Everyone deserves forgiveness and compassion.No one deserves to be judged by their worst moments.If I look in the rearview mirror, I can't move forward.We are all beautifully imperfect.I can't change the past, but I have the power to make the future good.I wish you the best on your journey! |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time? | Take one day at a time!!! Each day do things that make you happy, moves to a positive place, focusing on the future, give you a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment. Journal at the end of the day of how well you did that day in focusing on these things. Each day should be a step better than the previous day. You will have days that you didn't do as well....that is human and OK. Just get back on track the next day....At the end of the week, review how well you did and give your self a grade. If did well, you deserve ice cream, etc. If not so good, OK....tell yourself next week "got to focus one day at a time". You can do it....it takes practice but will get better each day, I wish you happy days and happy future... |
I would like to be able to have more positive relationships in the present. | How do I learn to let go of past problems and live one day at a time? | Remember, the past no longer exists and the future is just an illusion as we don't know what will happen tomorrow, so take the present as your guide. That is all we can do, so keep saying this to yourself and try to help someone each day. The happiness is helping others to feel a bit better. |
How can I become more understanding? | I like your beautiful question!Start by understanding yourself and your own inner knowledge of who you are and what direction your life must take in order for you to feel comfortable and fulfilled.Understanding oneself is a life long activity, even a necessity so that you are able to sense the truth of another person.As long as you are taking steps in the direction of self-knowing, you will gradually improve and increase the way and the range of understanding of other people and our world.Good luck with your project! |
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How can I become more understanding? | Man, I love this goal. We could all use a bit more of this. Sometimes I picture it like a salt shaker. I'll write an email, then I'll read it again from the receiver's perspective and sprinkle a bit more understanding on it, and I always like it better. Understanding...compassion...empathy...the world could use a lot more of these things and I love that you want to do your part.What makes you want to be more understanding? Maybe you want to get closer to someone and resentment is in the way? Maybe you tend to get defensive and have trouble listening to and understanding someone? Whatever the reason, let's get you started by having you write down those things in a list. What things will be better in your life if you have more understanding? Get really grounded in why you're doing this.Then let's look at the barriers. What do you risk if you're more understanding? Do you risk feeling vulnerable? Hurt? Attacked? Powerless? Feeling like you're losing? In therapy, you would get help looking at these questions. What are you avoiding feeling? Once you have this answer, then you can easily move to the next step.The next step is working to tolerate that feeling you're avoiding. Tolerating it, and "leaning into it", knowing that it's only a feeling and not a reality...these thoughts can help you relax enough to take that wall down and allow space for other people's truths, not just yours. Once you know where you want to be with your thoughts, it takes practise, repetition, to teach yourself new truths about how safe it is to allow yourself to be more understanding and let the wall come down.It's my guess that, at some point in your life, there was a reason for that wall of yours to be built. Sometimes we build walls as young people and then no one tells us how to take the wall down once we don't need it anymore. We think we still need it.I invite you to consider therapy as you explore these ideas. I wish you the best. |
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In this argument my friends are all against me so I'm wondering if I'm exaggerating my feelings. I feel like I'm being attacked and that is making me blow things out of proportion and taking the role of the victim, when in reality I'm the one being unreasonable and I am simply annoying my reasonable friends. Or are they really being insensitive and not respecting me in our friendship? | I feel like my friends are ganging up on me | Conflict is a tricky beast and shows up in everyone of our relationships.What I'm reading is that you find yourself in a loop of seeking validation of your thoughts and feelings from your friends rather than validating yourself. Am I right? If you aren't validating yourself, no one else will be able to either. Try finding a small nugget of truth in the feedback your friends give you, this will help to lower your defenses and help your friends hear what you are really sharing. And then if you are still feeling vulnerable, share that too... |
They're calling me names like hypocrite and a baby even when they act in the same manner as I do. I'm tired of being called names. What should I do? | My friends accusing me of having problems | It sounds like your confused as to why your friends would be calling you a hypocrite when they act in the same manner, correct? Communication is key to any relationship. I would recommend speaking with your friends face-to-face to address why they feel your behavior is concerning.In-person contact is the best method of sorting out differences considering texts, emails or any written response can be misconstrued. Be upfront with them and let them know that being accused of hypocrisy is hurtful and you feel it is unfounded. If after speaking with them you feel that they have valid reasons for the way they are feeling, maybe you can consider modifying your behavior accordingly. Especially if this friendship is valuable to you. However, make sure they are aware that there is a respectful way to address these issues and name calling is not one of them.On the other hand, if you feel that their reasons are indeed unfounded, it may be best to distance yourself from the relationship. Not all friendships are healthy ones. And it is important that you surround yourself with people who are an asset to your self esteem as opposed to those that hinder it.I hope you are able to get this matter sorted. Best of luck! |
I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home). The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings. What can I do? | The child I nanny hates me! | It seems like you are being extra hard on yourself here!The behavior he exhibits is pretty normal for a three year-old. Sounds like he may feel more emotionally dysregulated upon waking and wants one of his love sources to help him stabilize that. It's probably more instinctual and not personal to you.Give yourself some credit for how things are the rest of the day---that's information that you've done well. You even describe that he "loves" you! That's huge!Either way, I'm sure it's jarring to go through that in the mornings. Is there a routine you use to help him make that transition? I don't know what his parents' rules are, but there could be some ways to incorporate some predictable structure. Maybe that means his favorite toy/stuffed animal paired with his favorite cartoon. You seem very caring, so it's probably likely you are already offering some compassionate response to his upset. It may help to have him take a couple deep breaths with you if he's able to help self-regulate. He may not be responsive to that and that's OK. Either way, it sounds like this is only happening upon waking.Another thought--do his parents know this is happening? Maybe they have some ideas about how to help soothe him or perhaps they have some strategies they can use the night before (e.g., talking to him about the emotions of the morning hours).Let yourself off the hook though--you seem to be doing a wonderful job with this kiddo! |
I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home). The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings. What can I do? | The child I nanny hates me! | It doesn't sound like he hates you, just misses mom and dad in the mornings. You could validate his feelings by saying something like "I know you want to see mom and dad right now, but they are working" and then give him a couple options of things that may take his mind off of it. This could be choosing what he has for breakfast or playing a game of his choice. If possible, it may also be helpful if you could create a routine in which he stops by mom and dad to say good morning. If this is routine, he will come to understand that he will be able to see mom and dad for a minute and not become anxious about seeing them. |
I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home). The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings. What can I do? | The child I nanny hates me! | Be lighthearted, this toddler may not be a morning person! He is most likely wanting to connect with either parent when he arises in the morning. It could be helpful to talk with his parents and establish a routine that he would be comfortable with. |
I nanny a three year old. When he wakes up in the morning he calls out for someone to come get him. If I am the one to go get him out of bed he gets really upset and refuses to let me near him. He screams that he wants his mom or dad (they work from home). The rest of the day he loves me. But not in the mornings. What can I do? | The child I nanny hates me! | It is very likely the child is upset by the fact that the parents have left, more than that he hates you in particular.The fact that by afternoon he is happy with you shows more likelihood that he reacts to the parents departure more than who you are. |
I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years. How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? | How do I deal with bullying at school? | That's a very difficult situation that you are in. But you are not alone. I have several school-aged clients who find little to no assistance from their teachers at their schools regarding bullying.There are a few options that are available to you to help deal with being bullied at school. One option that I would suggest is for you to talk to your support network. Friends and family can sometimes be good sources of support. Another option would be to speak with us about your counselor, if you have one. And third, there are some excellent online sources of support regarding the bullying at school (www.stopbullying.org). |
I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years. How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? | How do I deal with bullying at school? | Teachers don't do anything about it due to liability of the school (school and faculty would get sued and have claims made against them); wouldn't expect much out of them;Couple things:1) Realize that bullies accuse others of the very crimes they are doing themselves;2) Bullies aren't actually all that weak as others have said, but do not stand up against constant pressure of truth-telling;3) Research yourself, or pay someone, to locate the bully's mother and father, and let them know what you have experienced (by way of text, phone, letter, etc.);4) Access your own mother and father and tell them what you have experienced, and see if they will help;Long term, society must return to a more masculine way of being such that these sorts of troubles are dealt with at the home :)Learn to be man/woman, and watch the magic happen. |
I've been bullied for years and the teachers have done nothing about it. I haven't been diagnosed with depression, but i have been extremely sad for years. How can I deal with being bullied at school when the teachers won't help? | How do I deal with bullying at school? | To be bullied is very painful.I'm glad you know the bullies are doing the wrong thing and whatever they are telling you is pure meanness.Depending on how independent you feel, why not tell either your classroom teacher or schedule an appointment with the vice principal?Bullying other students is taken very seriously in some states and schools are expected to address the bullying until the victimized student feels safe.If you hesitate to do this on your own, then would you ask either of your parents or even a friend of yours who is also in the school, to report the problem?In case you are afraid the bullies will retaliate for reporting them, then tell this to whatever school authority you decide to ask for help.You're entitled to be protected by your school. |
I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. Im unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do? | How can I see my base doctor without my ID? | You should be able to get a replacement ID card either from the Personnel Office on your local base (the actual name of this office will vary depending on which branch of the military it is). You may also be required to go to the Military Police or Security office on base to report the loss of your old ID card. |
I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. Im unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do? | How can I see my base doctor without my ID? | Do you have any other form of identification? The first place to stop would be the Visitors Center or whichever department issues passes. They are located outside of the gate so you do not need a military ID to enter. If you have another form of identification its possible that they can give you a pass in order to go and obtain a new military ID.If you do not, you could always ask someone else to sponsor you on (a friend, coworker, etc.) that have military access. Depending on the threat level, they may not need your ID as long as you are with someone that has access. Keep in mind that currently (6/11/15) all military bases are on Bravo which unfortunately means you will need your own ID.Finally, if all else fails, call your doctor and explain your situation. Im sure they would be more than willing to discuss your options.Also, its important to make sure that you report your wallet being stolen if you havent already. Security Forces on base can help you with this and to ensure your ID doesnt get into the wrong hands.Good luck! |
I need to get on base to see my doctor. My ID card was in my wallet which was stolen. Im unable to reach my husband at this time. He is only one who can take me on base in order to get a new ID so I can continue to see doctor. Is there anything I can do? | How can I see my base doctor without my ID? | As a prior military spouse myself I can happily report that you have several options in this case. First, you can go to the visitors center and let them know what has happened to get a temporary pass for a new id. Also, you can call the squadron commander or other official from your husband's unit to get them to tell you how to proceed. You can also contact the military personnel flight for more information The best thing is to get a new id as soon as you can. There should be no problems because it was stolen and yu might need to report it to the military police or security forces on base. |
What would happen if I got caught cutting myself in school? | Firstly, I am so sorry for the stressful things in your life that make you feel like you may want to self-harm.There are many ways you can get help, including talking to a friend, family member, school counselor or independent therapist.You can even reach out for free over text to Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741Although it is hard to accurately predict what might happen if someone cut themselves in school, the response could be anywhere from something as minimal as a conversation (unlikely) to as severe as being admitted to a hospital or psychiatricward.It is brave of you to reach out for information and help; please keep doing so, and take good care of yourself. |
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I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | I think we all go through a period of time where we think we aren't worth anything. Sometimes these feelings are a result of low self esteem or because of shame. The most important part of dealing with this thought is to separate feelings from reality. "I don't feel worth anything, but I know what I do is important, I know who I am matters to others. I know I am loved and cared about."When you find yourself having these thoughts, stop, take a few deep breaths and try to reframe what you're thinking. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | You are valid. It is very unnerving when thoughts control your life. One way to combat them is to figure out whose voice the words are said in. Oftentimes people say things to us and it stays with us, and it is not often true. We let others opinions penetrate our brains and live rent-free in our heads. You could try to rewrite the thoughts, the negative thoughts, rewrite them in a positive way. For example you are not worth anything you could rewrite that in a way that shows all the ways you are worthy. Write all your accomplishments, and things you have overcome and proof that you are in fact worthy because you are! You can Interrupt the thought, focus, redirect elsewhere. If you are replaying a specific moment you could go back into that moment and retell the moment, rewrite the moment so that it is what you would rather it have been. Your mind does not know anything other than what we feed it. Feed and integrate more positive thoughts and actions into your routine to possibly see a positive change, a change for the better! This video could be beneficial for you Negotiating With Inner Critic |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | Sending your some positive vibes it seems that REBT could be helpful or cognitive therapy. First get a check up to see if there is any under lining medical issues. Medical Intuitive scan or CAT scan. blood tests etc... then go from there. You may need some help chemically then start talk therapy. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | Sounds like off the top of my head you are definitely experiencing Automatic Negative Thoughts. They just pop into your head, right? You don't even want them to come. Those are ANTs and the only to get rid of ANTs is to exterminate them! There are so many ways to exterminate them. I wonder where to they reside? Your head, stomach, arms, etc? There's a part of you where they reside. It sounds like it's time to explore those parts of you and to exterminate the ANTs. Connect with someone here. Brainspotting/Bodyspotting Therapy, Internal Family Systems Therapy, Psychodrama Therapy or even inner child work could be very helpful. Hopefully this helps! |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | There is nothing wrong with you! Sometimes we get intrusive thoughts that can be worrisome. One things that can be helpful is to identify if there is a trigger to these thoughts - something in your life that makes these thoughts more common (an experience, a person, a place, a situation, etc.). It will also be helpful to try and challenge this type of thinking by focusing on ways in which you are worthwhile as a person and have worth in your life. CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) may be particularly helpful with this, also. If you are open to seeing a therapist, find one that does CBT. You can also find resources on CBT online. It focuses on stopping and challenging unhelpful and harmful thinking patterns and replacing it with more helpful and healthy thinking patterns. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | We all suffer from random thoughts from time to time. Being able to manage your thoughts and choose what to think about yourself is something you would learn in counseling. An effective treatment modality for this situation is cognitive behavioral therapy. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | A lot of times the thoughts we have about ourselves are messages we have received from other people and later internalized them. So in that sense, these thoughts are yours and belong to you, but you have received these messages from somebody else. Even though we all receive messages like this at times, it pays to be careful not to ignore other messages we are receiving, such as a loved one appreciating your help or attention, a friend responding to encouragement, or a colleague showing interest in you. I hope this helps. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | Those kinds of thoughts can be quite difficult to handle, but if they are your own thoughts (and not voices you are hearing, which can be very different), they likely are not new to you. From what I've learned from clients I work with, often these thoughts have been quite useful for them over the course of their lives, that through criticizing oneself, it is a way of motivating oneself. However, in your case and in most of those clients, it has caught up to them and it's almost like they no longer need the motivation (that they can do just fine motivating themselves by themselves!)I think it's important to see these thoughts as the voice of the "inner critic." That inner critic was there for a long time, again, because "it" (I like to identify it as a thing inside of you) thought that you needed motivation in the form of criticism to stay on task with your life. But now that that kind of sentiment is no longer needed by you, it might be time to have a different kind of relationship with it. But it wants to be heard. It doesn't want to silenced (Or "stopped" in your words.) So instead of trying to ignore it, perhaps we can see all the ways you are worth something and internalize (take in, let those ways resonate with you, sit with them, think about them) so that the inner critic can see that it isn't quite correct in what it is saying. In essence, you are instead sitting with the thoughts or worthiness instead of worthlessness.If that is challenging, sometimes seeing someone who is objective, such as a therapist, can be helpful. They can help you see the ways in which you are strong, have resilience, as well as any positive attributes that might be hard to see in the face of this loud inner critic. And, above all, if you feel like this doesn't resonate for you, and that the voices might actually be voices, an evaluation should be sought to further tease out what sorts of symptoms you are experiencing. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | We have thousands of thoughts a day. Some thoughts we choose to think, and some thoughts are random as you describe. We can't control the first random thought but as soon as we become aware of it we can make a conscious choice to change the thought. Positive affirmations are messages we intentionally read to or tell ourselves to help us counteract negative thoughts. If you find yourself under stress on some days more than others you may notice an increase of these negative thoughts about yourself. To help you neutralize your negative thoughts and make it more natural to randomly think positive thoughts about yourself you might find it helpful to work with a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. This professional can help you build insight into your errors in thinking, help you develop a stress management plan, and provide you with additional tools to boost your self-esteem. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | Many people have thoughts like those you describe, and often it feels like someone else is saying it because they are things that may have been said to you when you were very young. When young children hear negative things about themselves they tend to internalize these negative ideas and to form negative core beliefs. The good news is we can learn to stop these thoughts and to replace them with healthier thoughts. The first step is to catch yourself when you are thinking these thoughts, and to stay "stop!"; then replace it with another thought. So for instance, maybe you fail a test or get rejected by a romantic interest. You catch yourself saying "you aren't worth anything". Stop this thought, and replace it with "You didn't do as well on that test as you would have liked. Let's figure out how you can do better next time." Or "she may not want to go out with you, but someone else will". So the idea is to develop a voice of a "friend", who can tell you the kind of things you would say to your own best friend. You might also pick up the book, Feeling Good, by David Burns. He gives many tips for how to change Negative Self Talk. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | Talking to a licensed profession who can discuss this in greater depth can be best.As a general information, in short, I can say that our thoughts are greatly influencedby our early life experiences. Our thoughts are processed through schemes, these are mental images or templates by which we make meaning of the world around us. While our upbringing has a great influence on the way we see and interact with the world around us as adults, However, we are not condemned to abide by them for life, in psychotherapy, you learn to change negativeschemas with positive ones. Yeah, if you had less than optimal childhood you would have some sort of negative schemas that unconsciously lead to self-sabotage your efforts for success and happiness. The research in the field of interpersonal neurobiology suggests that without conscious awareness and reflective practices we tend to interact with the world by repeating old habits of mind. On the other hand, in psychotherapy you can learn helpfulstrategies to increase your conscious abilities to stay in control of your mind in the present moment and reduce intrusions of negative mind habits.Yoga, meditation, and taichi are also found to increase self-awareness and lessen the intrusions of negative self-judgment on one'spsyche. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | Life is beautiful without unwanted thoughts and stress. With proper strategies and tools it is possible to regain control over your thoughts. I guess you are just having "thoughts" and not actually "hearing voices"? My suggestion is to see a therapist and go from there. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | First off, there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, having random thoughts we feel we cannot control is actually quite common and normal. Sometimes our thoughts think they are protecting us (if we think we aren't worth anything, it won't hurt when we get rejected) but they are actually doing quite the opposite. They are keeping us "stuck" and creating a self-prophization. (If I think I am not worth anything, I don't have to try, and I will keep proving to myself that I am not worth anything). There are many techniques to work through and start to change our negative self-talk. There are actually many self-help workbooks that can help with this as well. A technique I like to use is meditation or mindfulness. This can teach us to accept our thoughts (not fight them) and then learn to let them go. Release the power they have on us. If we can learn to release these and not ruminate on them, this will give us the space to allow more positive and supportive thoughts to come in. Mantras can help with this as well (I AM worth a lot, I AM important, I have value). Saying these to yourself everyday over and over (even if at first you don't believe) can retrain our brains to believe it (and allow us to believe it). I have even wrote positive mantras to myself in my bathroom mirror so I am forced to look at these throughout the day.Please remember to not be hard on yourself as you begin to attempt to change the automatic thought patterns. It took a while for you to get where you are and it will take a while for this change to kick in and feel normal. So allow the process to happen slowly and allow yourself to accept you as the amazing and brave person you are. |
I keep having these random thoughts that I don't want. Things like "you aren't worth anything." I know they're my own thoughts but it feels like someone else is saying it. What is wrong with me, and how can I stop having these thoughts? | Why can't I stop these thoughts? | Those critical thoughts most likely came into your mind as the way you understood what one of your parents or some other adult who was very meaningful to you, at a very young age.When we are too young to distinguish whether what a grown person tells us, feels accurate, we absorb their opinions as our own.Your question shows you've reached the point of emotional maturity to know that your opinion about yourself is not the same as what is inside your emotional brain and stored there since you were too young to know that someone else's opinions are not necessarily your opinions.Nothing is wrong with you, everything is right with you to wonder how to more firmly establish your own point of view.Start the habit to revise any viewpoints about yourself which don't feel true.Then replace these thoughts with better ones which you decide on your own.After a while of doing this you'll either automatically think the more positive thoughts about yourself or at least be in the habit to know that negative viewpoints about you are not necessarily true. |
How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder? | Different Licensed Professionals are trained to use different types of tests and interviews to identify symptoms and draw a diagnosis. In Counselingwe usean interview evaluation that considers person's physical and mental health, plus their social and economical environment in combination with Psychological testing. The evaluation process usually takes the first two sessions, depending on how many persons are interviewed and what type of assessments are provided. Cmo se diagnostica a una persona?Diferentes Profesionales Licenciados estn entrenados para usar diferentes tipos de exmenes y entrevistas para identificar sntomas y diagnosis. En el rea de consejera utilizamos un proceso de entrevista que considera la salud fsica y mental de una persona, su ambiente socio econmico, en combinacin con exmenes psicolgicos. El proceso de evaluacin normalmente toma las primeras dos sesiones, dependiendo de cuantas personas sean entrevistadas y de qu tipo de evaluacin se utilice. |
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How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder? | A lot goes into diagnosing for a disorder. It is according to what the provider's assessment from information gathered, reported and observed from the client. |
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How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder? | Broadly speaking, assessment tools are used to measure the symptoms related to a variety of disorders.Gathering patient data also includes doing an intake interview usually at the first session. The intake interview is a valuable tool as it leads the way to a diagnosis along with other collected information associated with personal history and the presenting problem. Although counselors work toward arriving at an accurate diagnosis, at the same time, they aspire to not pathologize clients. |
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How does a counselor diagnose someone with a disorder? | The short answer? By observing symptoms.The long answer and reality is that counselors use many tools for this purpose, including but not limited to: self reporting/surveying from clients, diagnostic tools and questionnaires, reports from School, family or other health professionals and social workers, court records, medical records, and the therapist's observation of client's thought patterns, affect, emotions and behaviors. |
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How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. | How do therapists characterize personality types? | This is a great question, and I am happy to have the opportunity to explain my approach. When I am determining what type of personality a client has, I take my time and really absorb their lens/ point of view to themselves and others. Determining a personality type takes some time getting to know the person, and building rapport. After taking time to get to know them, and learning about their view they have of themselves and others, it is important to pick-up on more specific personality traits, which comprehensively contribute to a personality type. Clinicians, including myself, often witness certain traits that are enduring and consistent, which indicate a type of personality. For example, if a therapist is noticing that a client is exhibiting traits of organization, needing to be on time, planning, and perfectionism, these traits contribute to the "type A personality".In addition to utilizing clinical judgment, clinicians often use personality assessments and follow the guidelines of the DSM-5/ ICD-10. |
How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. | How do therapists characterize personality types? | That's a great question. There is such a wide range of ways to define "personality" that it is difficult to identify specific characteristics that are used to identify personality types.That being said, some clinicians will use standardized tests (or assessments) to assess a client's type of personality. While these tests can't tell us everything about a person, they can help us understand where we are within larger groups of different personality styles.Some counselors will also use a diagnostic tool (like the DSM or ICD) to help a client understand a diagnosis that is related to a personality disorder. |
How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. | How do therapists characterize personality types? | Not very well :)So, you got the Jungians, and you got the Big Fiver's, and you got every manner of Ivory-Tower Orc in between, loosening the chains on their drooling, snarling Pet Theories...The real truth is, does it matter? If it does, what does it matter?If it's still of keen interest to you, I would presume that God designed most of his creatures with a "simpler set" of personality blueprints; not a complex set as theorized by man;Also realize that this level of reality is dualistic in nature; that means there is two of everything;So, imagine that whatever personalities you observe, and whatever words come to mind, also think of the opposite word, and you'll have a good sense of what actual personalities look like :)Then, share your findings; it'll be pretty neat to see what you come up with. |
How do therapists classify the type of personality their clients have? What characteristics do they look at to decide what type of personality the client has? I've read about this online, but I'd like to understand this from a therapist's point of view. | How do therapists characterize personality types? | In my therapy practice I avoid characterizing people except for whether or not they are self-harming or a risk to harm other people.As long as someone is sincerely trying to know more about themselves my work is help the person clarify who they really are and how their true self may be quite different than the life the person created for themselves, based on satisfying other people's standards.In broad terms, personality disorders have stock characteristics which change very minimally over time instead of uniqueness which constantly flows and changes with circumstances over time. |
I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least. I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me? | I think I empathize too much | Sometimes it's helps to have a name for a problem - it can make you feel less alone as in, "oh there's a name for this and other people have this experience too." On the other hand naming the problem can also make it stick around longer as in "now I have a special problem that has a special name, and that's an important part of who I am."Bottom line, whether it's a disorder or not, you would like life to be easier and not have to be pulled so much by other people's energy and feelings. You might want to try imagining that you have a volume dial on your empathy (just like the volume dial or button on the tv) that you can gently turn down to the point where you still feel what's going on but it's not so "loud". You can also try imagining pulling your own energy back as if you were drawing your energy back home to the center of your own body and being, letting go of the other people or characters that pulled your energy out so far. This is a way create better boundaries and protect your own vulnerability. Just like on an airplane where they tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping anyone else, your empathy will most likely not really help others if you allow yourself to be depleted. |
I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least. I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me? | I think I empathize too much | It sounds like this would be difficult at times, particularly if you feel misunderstood.You may or may not know that we all have chemicals in our brain. We also have different sections of our brain that become active when different things happen. There is a part of our brain where a lot of our emotions originate that is also designed to protect us when we are going through things that have been physically or emotionally painful in the past, and when that part of the brain is sometimes overactive (perceiving threat when there is no actual threat at the time), sometimes anxiety can develop. This doesn't necessarily mean that everyone has an anxiety disorder, but often if we are afraid of something that is not actually a legitimate concern (for example, most insects are not going to hurt me, but I still do not like them very much), we have anxiety about it.The first thing I thought of when I read your question is that perhaps some part of your brain are overactive. I did find an article that may be helpful to you, but I just want to caution you. Not everything listed here applies to you. Also, the article uses the term "brain anomalies." This does not mean that there is something majorly wrong with your brain. While I cannot tell you exactly what is happening, I'm asking you not to panic over the term and to just consider that perhaps some of the chemical reactions in your brain may be a little overactive, which may be able to be corrected with medication or something similar. I can't tell for certain from what you posted whether or not this is what is happening, but I would recommend that you either talk to your primary care physician or a therapist or psychiatrist.Here is the article:http://blogs.psychcentral.com/addiction-recovery/2012/09/too-much-empathy/When you meet with your doctor or a therapist, please try to convey how much this is affecting your life.Thank you so much for posting here and I wish you the best. |
I empathize so much, even with characters on tv or in video games, that I actually feel physical pain. This has made life difficult to say the least. I believe I have an actually case of something called hyper empathy disorder. But since it's such a new disorder I can't find any information about it. Could this be what is going on with me? | I think I empathize too much | The world needs more people lately who have such a high degree of empathy which you describe in yourself!If it feels a little burdensome, then look to balance what is too much with its opposite. Since you're giving a lot of empathy, maybe you'd like receiving a lot of empathy.In the situation you describe, when you start empathizing with others, real or cartoon, ask yourself whether you've felt empathy coming in your direction lately.Often people give to others what they feel within themselves is missing.The emotional brain reasons that if I give you my support, say, then at least I will feel half of what being supported is like.Obviously the wish to receive more empathy cannot be fulfilled by you directly. Empathy is delivered by someone who is willing to offer it.Reflect on whether you are allowing those who are in your world, to know when you would like to receive their empathy.Is it possible you keep your feelings to yourself and present as though you are able to handle a great deal more than you'd like to handle without anyone's kindness to support you?Being open to others about your own inner thoughts and feelings is much more difficult than it sounds.It sounds easy to just tell someone how you feel.Sometimes the first step is the most difficult, of accessing how you feel.Start with knowing the amount of empathy you'd like from others and what stops you from asking.Also, about your diagnosis and the lack of studies and lists and formulas. Each person is unique, the instructions and guidelines don't necessarily mean very much. Often having a diagnosis makes a person feel weak, stigmatized, incompetent.Forget the diagnosis and concentrate on what you need to do differently in order to feel better.The answers are inside you, not inside a book or website. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Finding the right therapist for you is very important and can sometimes be tricky. It can sometimes take a number of sessions to get a good sense of whether you and your therapist are the "right fit." The first couple of sessions are generally spent on gathering information, formulating a plan of treatment, and building the client/therapist relationship. The client/therapist relationship will be very different from other relationships you have experienced. You will know you have found the right therapist when you notice there is agood rapport between the two of you. You will get a sense that the therapist "gets you" and understands the issues being presented. If you feel that you can trust your therapist and feel comfortable opening up and providing feedback during your sessions then you know it is a good fit.In terms of "how to train your therapist how to give you what you need from treatment" the therapeutic relationship is collaborative so the twoof you will be working together as a team. During your sessions,the goal is for you to feel comfortable giving feedback about what is working and what is not working in your sessions. When you express your needs to your therapist then the two of you will discuss the best ways to get those needs met in order to maximize the effectiveness of your sessions. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Finding "the right therapist" is about both feel and fit. A skilled therapist should be at a minimum 2 things:An accurate mirrorA good explanatory voiceAs an "accurate mirror", he or she should be able to help you clarify your thoughts, feelings, values, etc - helping you gain perspective on relationships in your life, as well as a greater depth of self-awareness.As "an explanatory voice", a knowledgeable, well trained therapist should be able to help you understand your troubles or past emotional injuries in such a way that shame, blame, resentment or excessive guilt no longer interfere with you facing life challenges successfully.But more than these qualities, a skillful therapist, should be able to coach you in improving your capacity for self-regulation and help you develop greater resilience within. While at the same time, he/she should be a kind observer, rooting for you along the way as you develop the needed skillfulness to eventually no longer need this therapist along your side.A good therapist will not need to be "trained" to give you what you need in treatment. Within the very first session, you should have a sense - a feelingof being felt, seen, and heard. By and large, I believe this to be the most important determining factor in choosing a therapist that is the right fit for you.And last but not least -Trust your instinct and listen to your gut. A good therapist will continue to give you reason to entrust your emotional wellness to their care.click here to connect for further support/guidance |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Find a therapist who is experienced in the issues that bring you to counseling. When you interview your therapist or during the initial session, you will want to share with the therapist what your expectations are for therapy. Share with them what you need for therapy to be helpful to you. An important part of your first sessions will be setting specific goals for therapy with objectives on how those goals will be accomplished. These are your goals, not your therapist's goals. These goals and objectives should be written in a treatment plan and shared with you for approval. You are welcome to make changes in your treatment at any time. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | You'll know you have the right therapist when after the first few sessions you feel comfortable enough to tell them things you wouldn't tell anyone else. It's important in therapy for that rapport to be built from the beginning and that you as the client feel comfortable enough to share what you need to share. You shouldn't feel judgement from your therapist and you should be able to trust the advice your therapist provides. Therapy isn't about advice, don't get me wrong, but to truly implement the changes that need to be implemented to improve your life you need to trust the person giving the advice. Your therapist should have your best interest at heart and truly listen to what you have to say. The therapist should be willing to meet you where you are in your world and attempt to see the world from your perspective to truly understand what you have been through. You need to feel comfortable in therapy to be yourself and say what's on your mind. Therapy shouldn't be something that should be dreaded but it can get uncomfortable depending on the depth of the things being discussed. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Unfortunately, finding "the right" therapist isn't as easy as picking a name from a list provided by your insurance company or based on Google search results. The process begins with doing some research. Online directories such as Psychology Today and CounselChat are a good jumping-off point. Start by selecting search parameters that are important to you such as the gender of the therapist, issues you want to address in therapy, the therapist's therapeutic orientation (i.e., cognitive-behavioral therapy, EMDR, dialectical behavioral therapy), online versus in-person appointment availability, and the distance you are willing to travel. Once you have the results of your search, take time to read each therapist's profile and visit their websites. When you begin to contact the therapists, ask if they will offer a free telephone or Zoom consultation. This gives you the opportunity to ask specific questions of the therapist, to share details about your reasons for seeking therapy, and clearly express your goals. Spend some time preparing for the call. Because the calls are usually time-limited (mine are 15-minutes in length), it can be helpful to make some brief notes about the issues you wish to discuss and the questions you would like to ask the therapist.Approach your first session with an open mind. Therapy can be uncomfortable, intimidating, and even scary at first. It's not easy to be vulnerable, especially with a stranger. A good therapist will take their cues from you. If a client isn't ready to discuss trauma or a particular subject just yet, that's okay! Therapy is a process and a collaborative one at that. The best way to "train" your therapist is to openly communicate your needs with them. If, at any time, you don't feel as though your needs are being met or you are progressing towards your goals, let your therapist know how you are feeling. A competent therapist will appreciate this feedback and work with you to change course. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Such a good question! Sometimes, clients will feel like they are not connecting with their therapist and will put it on themselves. In truth, the bond between therapist and client is the #1 predictor of positive outcomes in therapy. Ask yourself these questions: does it feel like this person can come to care about me? Do they remember from week to week what we touched on? Do I feel compassion from this person? Do they allow me my difficult and painful feelings too, or do they try to rescue me? On your other question - I suggest you ask your therapist what goals he/she has for your treatment. See if they respond with interest and participation, or if they become clinical and distant. Ideally, you and your therapist jointly develop your goals, and check on your progress on a frequent basis. I don't know if you can actually 'train' your therapist - we can be a hard bunch to train! :-) - but you can definitely tell your therapist what works for you, and what didn't work, at the end of each session. How they react will also tell you a lot about whether this is the right person for you. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Hi, A good fit should have expertise in your issues. Generally, if you read their profile it should resonate with you...like they are talking directly to you. When you get into the therapy sessions, a good therapist will adapt their style to match your needs, they have done years of training to make sure they can help, so you should not have to "train your therapist" :) If you do, they are NOT a good fit. The idea of coming to therapy, is that you are there to get a different perspective and change what is not working for you, by that definition, you may not know what you need from therapy and that is where your therapist should be guiding you. That being said, in order for your therapist to give you the best service possible, they do need for you to be honest and let them know if you are willing or unwilling to incorporate the strategies they are offering. They need you to be willing to try things that are uncomfortable. A good therapist will also challenge your beliefs, make you question what you have done before...occasionally you should leave lighter, sometimes heavier, sometimes happy, sometimes lost in thought. If they are a good fit, you should feel like you can be your authentic self and feel safe, even if it is not easy. If you leave their office feeling like they are just a friend and you are not growing, they probably are not a right fit. If you leave their office feeling constantly frustrated, they are probably not a good fit. If they are not, let them know. A lot of times they can change their style or refer you to someone who is a better fit. It is okay to let your therapist know it does not seem to be working for you. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Like with any helping professional, you need to feel comfortable and heard. If the therapist is not the right one, you will definitely know during the first session. There is no 'training" a therapist. I believe there has to be an openness in communication and a clear understanding of goals and treatment expectations. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | This is a great question! I imagine people wonder this all of the time, as it's a conversation I have had with many of my clients. One thing to think about is advice that I give regarding many different types of relationships: what brings you together has to be more than what draws you apart. In this case, therapy will likely make you uncomfortable at times and feel difficult. But the right therapist will always help you to feel safe and supported through that. As far as "training" your therapist, I encourage you to think about it from the perspective of how you can best be assertive about what you're looking for- and what you're NOT looking for! Most therapists will be happy to talk about their approaches or beliefs to help you better understand their work and what you might be doing with them in your time together. If these conversations don't feel satisfying, feel free to move on. Not everyone is the perfect fit, and that is okay. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | The question about identifying the right therapist is a compelling one to be sure. The therapeutic relationship is based on trust and confidentiality is the cornerstone of the profession. Therefore, it is essential to seek a therapist who practices ethically, is empathetic, and has the capacity to be objective as well as non-judgmental. It is also important to seek a therapist who specializes in your particular issue and has clinical experience as well as a passion in striving for toward the best outcome. You will not need to train your therapist as a competent therapist will help you explore the sources of your distress, or limitations in your belief system and so forth. A competent therapist will be able to suggest a variety of treatment approaches and together you will decide which approach is best for you. However, you also have to decide what kind of therapist you envision being comfortable with. Some clients prefer a more directive approach and others a more collaborative one.Most therapists offer a consultation which is a good opportunity to ask questions and get a sense of the therapist's treatment approaches, training, credentials, style, ideas and so forth. You may be able to gauge from the consultation whether or not you are a good fit. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Do you feel comfortable with your therapist? Its a good start to know if the therapist is right for you. Therapist are human and not matter how good they are if you don't feel comfortable nothing they do will work. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | You would feel safe in the space they hold for you. You would not have to focus on training them to be what/who you need, instead you will be able to focus on your healing. You will naturally click, and see progress. Always trust your intuition. It is your right to find a therapist you feel comfortable with. Ask them questions, and explore their specialities to ensure that they are equipped to guide you. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | The therapeutic relationship is such an important aspect of the process toward healing. Feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable is a good starting place. Understanding your own goals for therapy, outcomes you hope to get from it, and the approach you need from your therapist. Each therapist is unique and have their individual styles and theoretical orientations they align with. Open and honest communication regarding what you are hoping to get out of therapy and asking questions from the start of therapist to better understand if their theoretical approach will be helpful to you is a good starting place. Knowing and trusting yourself that if it is not a good fit that it is okay to seek therapy from another provider. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | There tends to be a connection you feel with your therapist. You could also see a benefit from the suggestions/homework they have been recommending. The top thing to look for is competency. If your going for a particular issue they should be an expert in that issue otherwise you may not have the right person. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Hello,As a counselee I can tell you that I knew I had the right therapist when I felt challenged. Also, when I did the work they gave me and saw growth from it, I knew I was being understood.As a counselor I can tell you that the best work happens when you are willing to be vulnerable, it feels very risky because this is a person you don't know. The fact that they aren't living day to day life with you is actually a good thing because it helps them see your life in a different light, therefor they can give you perspectives that you may have missed.I hope you find the right fit, I encourage you to keep trying until you do!-Sucely |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | This is a great question. I think that as a client it is important to educate yourself on how to look for a therapist. I think the process of looking for a therapist can be intimidating for some people and they may just pick the first therapist they find who takes their insurance. I think if you take a little more time, you will be able to find the best therapist for you.The most important thing is probably to create a list of therapists you are interested in working with. You might get referrals from friends, or check out some websites. You want to see that the person you are working with mentions working with people with the issues you want to address. You also want to see what they say about how they work with their clients. If they only do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and you don't feel comfortable with only that modality, then keep checking out other therapists. You want to definitely call a few therapists to talk. Don't just make an appointment with the first one who answers their phone!See what each therapist feels like to talk to over the phone. Do you feel comfortable? Do they make you feel at ease? Do they use a lot of jargon? Not every therapist may be the right match for you. Ask questions. If they say they use a certain modality and you have never heard of it, have them explain it to you. Do they explain it in a way that makes sense to you? Keep listening to make sure you feel comfortable and feel like they "get you."The best way to "train" your therapist is to be upfront about what it is you need. Let them know what is working and what isn't working. Learning how to communicate with your therapist will not only make your therapy more productive, but it is usually a good way to practice the new skills you will be developing.Best of luck on your journey! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | One of the first things you should feel with a therapist is a safe and non-judgemental space. As a therapist, my number one goal is to make my clients feel comfortable with sharing the darkest parts of their life. The next thing you should recognize is the therapist challenging you to think beyond your current scope of focus. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | You have to feel listened by someone emphatic and compassionate who is willing to make a therapeutic plan from the beginning and explain to you what are the most suitable therapeutic approaches for you. Based on each person needs this can be done working hand in hand and making certain agreements on the plan. Goals should be considered and the therapist should support you in achieving them and keep an eye on the progress and obstacles you've encountered.You can't "train" someone in offering support for your needs , you can ask specifically what you're looking for and see if that person can meet your expectation.Hopefully this answer will be helpful !Best wishes ! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | You know that you have the right therapist for you if you feel comfortable confiding in them, and you feel that they are able to help you feel understood and that you are gaining from their therapeutic services. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Studies have shown that the most successful therapy is a result of a strong therapeutic relationship between the client and the therapist. So, you want to pick a therapist that you feel a connection with and communicates with you in a way that is relatable. The fact that you're using the word "train" leads me to believe you're really wanting a therapist that meets your needs, and you have very specific needs in mind. But, in a therapy/client relationship neither is the trainer. It's an open, collaborative relationship with you as the client voicing your needs and the therapist learning what your strengths are, analyzing your situation, and helping to guide you on your journey offering suggestions based on their education and expertise on possibly better ways to cope. You can ask your therapist about interacting in a way that works best for you, for example just talking, or talking and taking notes, or wanting handouts and homework, using an interactive app, etc. You can also talk to your therapist about wanting a brief, solution focused approach to a particular problem. This is the model most insurance companies prefer. Say you want to knock out a short term, specific issue in 6 sessions. But, depending on the issue, on average it takes a couple of months to see improvement and some people with more chronic, complex concerns may need therapy for years. So, you see why "train" won't work it's really about picking someone you can bare your soul too and that you feel you want a therapeutic relationship with for the long haul while you get help tackling the toughest stuff life has thrown your way. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Finding the right therapist is a crucial part of the therapy process-- and one that can be intimidating or daunting despite increasing ease of access to individual therapist profile matching services. The right therapist will allow you the space to give them feedback on how you are most comfortable with the counseling process as well as adhere to the right pace of sessions and disclosure that feels most comfortable to you. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | If you've found the "right" therapist for you, you probably feel comfortable being vulnerable with them. Ideally, you feel connected to them in a way that leads to you feeling understood. In order to get what you need out of your treatment, it's important to be open and honest with your therapist about what you are seeking. Are you looking for coping tools? What are your goals and how are you planning on reaching them? Those questions need to be talked about in therapy to make sure everyone is on the same page. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | You will know when you have the right therapist if you feel like it is a "fit" for you. Trust your intuition! It is often accurate. However, if you are used to unhealthy relationships, the therapeutic relationship may feel uncomfortable at times. One of the best ways to "train" your therapist is to educate him/her about you. If something is important to you, tell him/her. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | A colleague and I were discussing the characteristics of successful therapists. I gave him some traits, some of which were listed by Robinson (2012). The therapist should be able to listen to your story, build rapport, establish a relationship, demonstrate empathy, adapt treatments to the client/situation, use effective communication skills, exhibit confidence in use of therapeutic techniques, and repeatedly update skills with ongoing education and research. You should talk with the therapist. In addition to asking the therapist about his/her experiences and specialty in treating the issue you want to address; you will gain a sense of the therapists ability to connect with you in your first phone call or meeting with him/her. This is why I offer a free 15-minute phone consultation. You can use the above criteria to gauge the therapists ability to do the following: Hear you, join with you in understanding the issue, and indicate some ways in which the issue may be treated. I specialize treating anxiety and relationships and would like to talk with you if you have questions about how I may be able to help you. Jim |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | As we all need coaches and everyone including all of us on here had one or still does cause it is about your desire to be the best you can in your life goals. People you connect with come into your life based on desire or a manifestation. You will know once you have a few sessions with them and once you achieve you might move on to another expert. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | If you are not able to build a rapport even after many sessions, thats when you will know that the therapist is not right for you. Also, you dont have to train the therapist regarding the treatment plan. The therapist alone cannot decide what's needed for the client without client taking the driver seat ! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | There is no such thing as a therapist that is "right" for someone. Outside of getting a "bad" therapist who shouldn't be in the industry almost any counselor should be able to make the appropriate choices. Remember counseling is a process, you and the therapist work together for the common goal of your mental health. The best way to train them for what you need is to communicate. "What you said last time was really helpful", "I don't think this homework is something I'm ready to commit to". "I like learning more about skills" or "I just have a lot on my mind this session and I really just want to be heard". |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Finding the right therapist means finding one that feels like a good fit for your needs in therapy and your personality style. The therapeutic relationship is the most important factor in therapy being successful or beneficial. When you have found a good fit, that means - you feel comfortable with the therapist, feel you have a connection with the therapist as a person, think that they will be someone you are able to open up to, feel that they may be someone you can trust to help you through therapy, and that has experience in the clinical areas that you are seeking treatment for. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | The most important thing when looking for a therapist is the comfortability you have with that person. If you do not feel comfortable when your in session then it is more likely you have the wrong therapist for you. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | I love these questions! You will know you have the right therapist for you because you resonate with them and you feel better after each treatment. The second part to question two, is that first, you have to allow your therapist to learn about you and you have to be honest and open to their expertise. You are not paying for help from yourself, but you should be paying for someone who makes you feel better as well as someone who also looks past what you have been trying to get or what you think you need from therapy because hopefully they give you a new perspective of what you thought you needed, which is what we call an "aha moment." You will want to have those in your sessions. Because you are paying to decrease whatever the issue is, but also you are paying for getting better, or more confident in who you are or who you want to become! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | The relationship between yourself and your therapist is one based on trust, respect, and understanding. The best way to determine if a therapist is right for you is to ask. Does this therapist respect my journey? Does this therapist respect me as a human? Does this therapist understand the unique factors contributing to my mental health? Do I trust the therapist with my most intimate details? If you find that any of these answers are no, you may want to talk with your therapist about your concerns.In the end, only you are able to determine if your therapist is a great fit for your personal needs. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Choosing the right therapist and finding the right fit is difficult. There are many therapists from all walks of life that use different styles and modalities. I think the connection established between therapist and client is key to the entire therapeutic process and may require more than one session to truly feel out if one therapist is the right fit. It's important to feel comfortable around your therapist. Try asking the therapist questions about their background history, credentials, experience in the field, etc., to truly get a gauge on what you think about starting this journey with this therapist. You can view this as almost like you interviewing someone for a specific job and trying to find the best person and most qualified to address your needs. I find this has been helpful for my clients who choose to see me. As we all know, therapists are ordinary people too with differing personalities. Taking the first step to participate in therapy takes courage, so go into it with an open mind and see if the connection happens organically and if it doesn't after a few sessions than it's ok to seek out another therapist. Feeling connected and safe is important in our work together as therapist and client. Remember it's not a sprint it's a marathon. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | You will know when you have the right there is when you have been able to establish a trusting relationship with this person, there's a level of honesty and transparency within this relationship, and this person challenges you on different levels to come out of your comfort zone and to grow. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | This is a big question. Whenever you are in the position to choose your therapist, it is a good idea to do a consultation first so you can get a feel for them and see if you think your personality might match well. Sometimes it is difficult to tell in a very short meeting however and it can take a session or even a few to know this. Really, the "right therapist" is probably someone that you feel somewhat comfortable with or someone with who you could see yourself becoming comfortable even if you have difficulty trusting others. It is likely someone who you do not feel judged by. Part of the work in therapy is also being able to ask for what you need and voice your concerns which means telling your therapist if they do or say something that upsets you. This is part of the repair process and therapy is a safe space to practice this skill so you can do it in the real world when this happens in relationships. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | I believe that most people usually know right within the first couple of sessions if they have found the right therapist. You would want someone that you can trust and someone that you feel comfortable talking to. You would also want someone who has the experience and skills to help you with your situation. You can verify your therapist's skills and experience by asking them about their credentials, certifications, and training. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | This is a great question. Most therapists offer a free consultation and you should take advantage of this. During this conversation, you will know if you have a connection with them. If they are easy to talk to and know how to help, they are the one for you. As far as "training" them, this is something that you should not have to do. Treatment is a team effort and a plan should be made during the beginning of treatment on what you want to accomplish during treatment. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | The right therapist can sometimes be tricky especially if this is your first experience seeking mental health services or assistance. Finding the right therapist means considering what issues you would like to address and which therapists has specialities in what you are seeking.When searching for a therapist reach out to those in your support system who have had experiences with a therapist and find out their likes and dislikes. Use some time looking via search engines for therapists in your area and allow your curiosity to lead you to therapists directories where therapists are displaying their philosophy of how they help client's heal. Consider whether gender and race/ethnicity is a preference and who you would feel the most comfortable with sharing your concerns that "gets you." Also do not hesitate to ask about free-consultation calling services that further allow you the opportunity to provide a bit of information about yourself and allows you the benefit of asking additional questions about the therapist, their services and offerings and whether you are ready for treatment or rather search for other options.In regards to "training" your therapist, remember that therapy is a collaborative approach involving both client and counselor. This will depend on your needs, goals for therapy and the overall objectives. A licensed therapist that is trained will be knowledgeable to assist you in your journey through treatment. As a trained therapist, one will assist in clarifying of your current situation(s), work out past experiences that may hinder your improvement and provide the necessary skills to assist in your progress throughout. If you believe that you are not receiving these things voice your concerns with your therapist, ask for recommendations and/or referrals for a better fit. That's perfectly okay! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | When looking for a therapist, ask some questions about their background and modalities of treatment. Before meeting a therapist, have an idea of specifics about your therapist preference (Male, Female, Language Preference, of issue specific, (Religion, gender supportive, LGBTQ issues, Trauma, Grief/Loss, Divorce, Coparenting ) Also, it will benefit you to know your goals for therapy, and the difficulties that you are facing. Ask questions about his/her rates, if he/she are currently accepting insurance, and if offering currently tele therapy. Take advantage of free consultations and get a sense if you feel comfortable with therapist, and do check therapist profiles (Psychology Today, Latinx Therapy among others). Different therapists have different niches and specialties feel free to explore the person who matches more with what you want to accomplish. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | I always say finding the right therapist is a little bit like dating--when you date to find the "right person," you often date several people who are perfectly nice, but are just not the right fit for you. It may take several tries before you find "the one." Finding the right therapist is a lot like that. You may have a therapist who is perfectly nice and qualified, but they just don't feel like the right fit.You need to find someone who you feel comfortable talking to and who "gets" you. They should have a clear understanding of what you need help with, and should be able to explain to you some of the ways they are going to help you. You can help your therapist give you what you need from treatment by telling them exactly what you need, and by letting them know when what they are doing isn't working for you. Clear communication is key! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | It is incredibly important that a person feels that their therapist is right for them! The importance of this is not only because they will be asked to be vulnerable and honest during sessions, but also because it can impact treatment outcomes. Having confidence in your therapist and the therapeutic relationship can help foster success in therapy!Generally speaking, it is a good fit if the therapist has expertise with your particular problem, you connect the "feel" or vibe of the therapist, and you like their treatment philosophy. In order to find out if its a good fit, you may have to directly ask the therapist about their expertise and treatment philosophy. Many people are arbitrarily matched to a therapist or believe that they have to see the first therapist with an available appointment. It is important to remember that you have a choice in who your provider is!As far as training your therapist, there are caveats here. Your therapist is responsible for providing ethical and competent services without you having to train them (such as maintaining appropriate boundaries, maintaining confidentiality, etc.). Assuming they are meeting those minimum requirements, the hope is that they are also demonstrating respect for you (such as starting session on time, providing consistency, and being non-judgmental). If you do not feel respected or you have concerns about their judgements, I recommend you bring this to their attention. While the therapeutic relationship is unique and is not like other relationships in our lives, it is still a relationship. It may be uncomfortable to tell them how you feel about their behavior, but there can be immense therapeutic value in these conversations. If your therapist is providing ethical services, competent services, and demonstrating respect for you, its a good start. If you are not getting the results you hope to get from therapy, it is still not your job to train the therapist, but it would be beneficial to bring this to their attention. Ask them about that goals and objectives that you are working on and ask for clarity on the direction of treatment. These conversations can be incredibly beneficial to the therapeutic relationship and the trajectory of treatment. Alternatively, if you are not feeling good about the provider, their vibe, the goals, or the direction, it may be time to seek a consultation with another therapist. Starting over in therapy does require quite a bit of emotional energy but that doesnt mean its not worth it! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | How do you know if you have the right therapist? First you must do your homework regarding what your needs are. Once you determine what your needs are you can narrow your search down to gender, age, background, what they specialize in. Once you have that information you want to choose a few therapist to interview to get a feel of their communication style and if you feel safe with the therapist. Sometimes you may have to meet with several therapist before making a decision. The key is you feel emotionally and physically safe. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | I always recommend that people have a brief phone call with a few potential therapists before deciding to meet one in person. Tell them a bit about whatever is going on with you, and then ask them how they would approach those issues. This should give you an initial sense of how comfortable you feel around them. Do they make you feel heard and understood? Do they give you a sense of relief and hope? These are some questions to consider in that very first phone call, and ones you can continue to ask yourself once you select a therapist and begin working together. There are certain issues that benefit from specific treatments (e.g. Exposure and Response Prevention for OCD) but in most cases, the therapeutic relationship is the biggest influence on how much improvement clients will experience, so it's essential that you get the feeling this is someone you can trust and someone who genuinely cares about you.If you're not getting what you need in therapy, I would encourage you to offer that feedback to your therapist. Therapy is a collaborative process and requires your input. Your therapist should be able to take your feedback constructively and help you consider ways those needs could be met. This might mean changing tack in terms of therapeutic approaches, addressing something in therapy that is getting in the way, or even referring you to someone who has different expertise. Please know that most therapists welcome these kinds of conversations -- our primary aim is to help you feel better! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | This is a tricky question. If you have the right therapist, there should be some mutual patience, as it can take time to develop a positive relationship. Sometimes things seem to click right away, but I wouldnt be discouraged if an instant connection was lacking.Bring up these concerns with them, and a competent therapist will help you to process your fears and your doubts. This can be risky though, especially if the therapist isnt very experienced or struggles with these competencies.It may even be worthwhile to have trust as a stated goal early in therapy with your counselor, especially if this is something you struggle with often. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Studies show that the most important determinant of success in therapy is the quality of the relationship between therapist and client. It is very important that you find the right therapist for you. If you feel that your therapist understands you, doesn't judge you, or is someone you can trust, these are all good signs that you have found the right therapist for you. It may take a few sessions for you to know whether you're in the right place or not, but if you decide it isn't working for you, there is no shame in telling your therapist. We want you to get the care you need, and we know we can't be the right fit for everyone. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | The conversation on the phone is critical. it goes both ways, sometimes you just feel in their tone and words that you could be a match. Ask the Therapist questions if you have them. Not every Therapist is a good fit for every client. Not every client is a good fit for every Therapist. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Choosing the right therapist is important, Take the time to ask a few questions before setting up the first appointment to determine if you feel it is the right fit. Typically you can tell within the first few minutes of a conversation. |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Having a good rapport with your therapist is of vital importance. Your therapist should create a space where you feel safe, comfortable, and judgement free. If you are able to build that strong level of comfort with your therapist, you will feel safe to ask for what you need. It is also important to feel empowered to try a new therapist if you are not feeling connected. As a therapist, we understand that people have different needs that we may not be able to effectively address for whatever reason. But above all, make sure you get what you need for you. You first!! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | This is a great question! When you look forward to sessions because you feel calm, comforted, supported, and growth -- that's how you know you found the right therapist. Therapy can be uncomfortable simply because you start looking at parts of your life and yourself that you've been avoiding or hiding. BUT, a therapist shouldn't make you feel attacked, judged, dependent, or weak.A good therapist will "train" themselves to best suit you and your needs. I truly hope you find your match! |
How do you know you have the right therapist for you? How would I know how to "train" my therapist to be able to give me what I need from treatment? | How would I know if I have the right therapist? | Finding the right therapist isn't as easy as looking in the phone book and choosing someone who is close-by or is inexpensive. The therapist who feels like the best fit is someone who you feel comfortable being vulnerable with, provides a environment (physical or virtual) that feels safe to try and take risks, and who focuses on your needs in the time you spend together. The right treatment options may vary depending on what you are going through in your life at the moment, and may not be the same from challenge to challenge. A good therapist for you will communicate with you and give you feedback, but also encourage you to grow and be able to utilize the tools you've acquired in your real, every day life. |