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Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

yipe

How many times the word 'yipe' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

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Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

torro

How many times the word 'torro' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

beverages

How many times the word 'beverages' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

prises

How many times the word 'prises' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

snapping

How many times the word 'snapping' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

montage

How many times the word 'montage' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

subconscious

How many times the word 'subconscious' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

shriek

How many times the word 'shriek' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

burning

How many times the word 'burning' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

petrified

How many times the word 'petrified' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

firefly

How many times the word 'firefly' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

ready

How many times the word 'ready' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

jaws

How many times the word 'jaws' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

dead

How many times the word 'dead' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

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Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

unearthly

How many times the word 'unearthly' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

backing

How many times the word 'backing' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

diagonally

How many times the word 'diagonally' appears in the text?

Barbatus and Z to form a montage/time-cut as the ant army marches on to the termite capital. ANT SOLDIERS (to the tune of "When Johnny Comes Marching Home") We ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah! We slaughter termites just for fun, Hurrah! Hurrah! Z So -- these termites, they're little, shy, retiring insects? BARBATUS (grim smile) No such luck. Those dirty terms are five times bigger than us, and they shoot acid from their foreheads! SOLDIER ANTS We ants go marching two by two, hurrah! Hurrah! We'll all be dead before we're through, hurrah! Hurrah! Montage shots of an ant column marching diagonally across the screen, fading into another column marching diagonally downwards across the screen... Z Well, what exactly does our platoon do? Serve beverages? Process paperwork? BARBATUS Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle! ANT SOLDIERS We ants are marching three by three, hurrah! Hurrah! Dead ants is what we soon will be, hurrah! Hurrah! ...montage shot of Z's column crossing a bridge composed of living ants -- all of whom look extremely uncomfortable as they're getting stepped on... Z So we're going back for more armor, right? I mean, these guys are from outer space, how are we supposed to beat them?! BARBATUS Superior numbers, kid! EXT. TERRAIN NEAR TERMITE STUMP - NIGHT Z looks up to see...looming high above them...the TERMITE CITY, which is built in the stump of a dead tree. From here it looks like a demonic Mount Fuji. The COLONEL ANT shouts an order. COLONEL ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!! The front line of ants starts rushing towards the termite colony...Z is swept along... BARBATUS Over the TOOOOOOOOOOOOO-OP!!! Z is swept along and up the side of the stump as thousands of ants invade the colony through every possible entrance. Up...over the lip of the stump...and down inside, to the very middle of the termite colony... Into a disquietingly peaceful scene. They're in the middle of the hollowed-out trunk, and ants keep pouring in -- but there's not a termite to be seen. Barbatus looks around suspiciously. BARBATUS It's too damn quiet. Then we hear a strange tapping noise. Barbatus looks over, and sees that Z's teeth are chattering with fear. BARBATUS Don't be scared, kid. Barbatus's got yer back. Z (petrified) Maybe they went out for the evening. Let's leave them a message and head home. COLONEL (ignoring him) Light it up! A nearby soldier ant take a firefly out of his knapsack and pinches him. The firefly, yelling "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!", shoots into the air like a flare, lighting up the interior of the stump with eery, shifting luminescence. Then we notice, hollowed into the inside of the stump like innumerable pockmarks, termite holes staring out upon the stump...and, with an unearthly ROAR, we see the first of hundreds of termites emerging to pour into the center of the tree, right onto the ant army. COLONEL They're here!!! BARBATUS (to Z) Keep your head down! Within moments, Z finds himself in the middle of a BLOODBATH. The ants have broken into the colony, but are taking heavy losses from the gigantic, blind, acid-spewing termites. The battle scene is as sprawling and chaotic as something out of Braveheart. In a few QUICK SHOTS from Z's perspective, we see: -- A squad of ants rushes towards a termite soldier, but are literally melted into smoking heaps of flesh by a jet of acid from its forehead... -- A termite warrior is overwhelmed by a crowd of ants and is pulled to pieces with hideous ripping sounds... -- Another termite warrior takes on an ant soldier one on one and slowly crushes his head in his huge jaws... Z (looking around) Guys! Guys! It isn't too late for all of us to just talk this over! Just then, a termite burst up from the ground and turns to face Z. Z is dwarfed by this hulking, roaring, drooling monstrosity. Z Wait! Please! Acid makes me come out in spots! -- Could I just say I have always had the greatest respect for your species? I mean, eating wood -- why didn't I think of that? I -- The termite rears, getting ready to melt Z, when OOF! he's knocked backwards by... Z BARBATUS! You -- you saved my life! BARBATUS Don't get all sappy about it! As Barbatus and some other soldiers kill the termite, the Colonel strides up to Z, puffing on a cigar. COLONEL I love the smell of formic acid in the morning. Z Look out! A stream of termite acid engulfs the colonel, instantly burning him to a cinder clutching a still-burning cigar; Z's paratroop buddies turn in terror to see a herd of termites rumbling towards them. Z, terrified, dives into the hole that the huge termite made... INT. TERMITE TUNNEL - NIGHT ...and tumbles headlong into a corridor of the termite mound. The corridors here are primitive, caveman-like, pocked with jagged access holes. No sooner has Z landed in the tunnel than a termite comes burrowing out from one of the side walls, snapping at Z's head. Z just avoids getting decapitated, and digs straight through the wall in order to escape... INT. TERMITE QUEEN'S CHAMBER - NIGHT ...straight into the hub of the entire termite complex -- the Queen's chamber. This is nothing like the civilized court of the ant colony -- it's a huge, stinking, fetid dungeon whose walls are held up by one massive (to Z) column of piled stones. The termite queen, a repulsive, slimy, squirming, foot-long monster, is attended by a crew of diminutive, blind termite nurses. The queen turns to look Z right in the eye. Z Excuse me. I seem to be lost, and I was wondering if you could give me -- Before Z can say, "directions", the queen gives out a piercing, blood-curdling shriek. The nurses start shrieking too. Z (backing away) I'll let myself out. But the queen's shriek has summoned a soldier termite -- the biggest one we've seen yet -- who is charging headlong at Z, jaws snapping open and shut like huge scissors. Z (backing away) Shoo! -- Torro! Torro! At the last moment, Z jumps out of the way -- and the termite runs headfirst into the supporting column of the chamber. As if on a spring release, the termite's jaws clamp shut -- and shatter the base of the column. The walls of the room begin to rumble... The termite turns to eat Z...but is crushed by a stone falling from the ceiling, which gives a final shudder and collapses, raining earth and stones down on the queen. As the walls of the chamber crumble, melees of ants and termites pour into the room from the corridors around and above...they keep struggling until... ANT OFFICER (points at Z) He's killed their Queen! Z Hey, I'm sorry, it was a mistake -- ANT OFFICER VICTORY!!! We can see that the termite warriors, deprived of their leader, are suddenly confused and directionless, easy prey for the ants. Z (facetious) This is terrific! Let's exact crippling war reparations! Let's set up a puppet government! ANT OFFICER Let's slaughter them all! The ants set about killing the disoriented termites when...we hear another rumble coming from the outside...the ants look up confusedly... ...And a (from the ant's point of view) five-hundred foot long tongue bursts through the top of the chamber with a CRASH. The ten or so ants standing directly below are smashed by the tongue, which squirts out a spray of saliva around the crater. As quick as it appeared, the tongue retracts, with a hideous SLUUURPING sound. We can now see the end of the snout of an ant-eater poking through a hole in the ceiling high above... ANT OFFICER INCOMING! The tongue comes down again, smashing some more ants, whose bodies are slurped up by the tongue...the ants scatter, but to no avail, as the tongue comes smashing down again and again... Z heads into a side corridor as the tongue smashes down again, barely missing him! Z retreats along the corridor as the tongue searches for him, across the tunnel from intersecting access-tunnels, getting closer and closer to Z, dragging more and more screaming ants and struggling termites... ....Then the tongue disappears. Silence. Z wipes his brow... And we hear a thunderous SNIFFING noise as the anteater searches for more prey... and the tongue starts rumbling down the corridor right towards Z, the tip squirming as it ricochets along the walls! Z gets up and runs, the tongue lapping towards him, reminiscent of the stone sphere that nearly crushed Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark! The walls disintegrate under the pressure of the tongue, which gets closer to Z...closer... ...and just misses him as Z tumbles out of the stump and down to the ground...Z sits there, dazed, as we see the huge form of the anteater withdraw its tongue and, with a final contented burp, shuffle off into the distance. EXT. TERMITE STUMP - MORNING Z makes his way across the corpse-strewn battlefield, an expression of horror on his face. BARBATUS (O.S.) Z! Over here! Z (hopeful) Barbatus? Z looks down at his feet, where Barbatus's still-living, decapitated head is looking up at him. Z (shocked) Barbatus! BARBATUS Be honest, kid -- am I hurt bad? Z No, no, you're...lookin' good. You've got good color in your cheeks. BARBATUS No -- I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. It's alright, Z. In this ant's army, a soldier's life ain't worth a sack of fungus. (he winces) I can't feel my legs... Z Hang in there, buddy! You can make it! Just -- take deep breaths, I'll try and find your body -- it's gotta be around here somewhere! BARBATUS (gasping) I wonder...what...was it all...for... Z Barbatus, hang on -- Barbatus!! BARBATUS Don't make my mistake, kid... don't...be a grunt...your whole life... Barbatus dies, leaving Z heartbroken. CUT TO: INT. EARLY MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY Weaver is "passing" as a worker, working alongside much smaller worker ants. He actually loves the work. He's throwing up dirt like a bulldozer. He's so enthusiastic, he scoops up a WHOLE ANT in his shovel and tosses him aside. Azteca, who's standing next to him in line, is shocked by, and a little attracted to, this turbo-worker. AZTECA Hey, slow it down, big boy. You're making the rest of us look bad...How come I haven't seen you around here before? WEAVER (covering) I'm new...I was born yesterday. AZTECA Tell me about it. WEAVER Nobody told me digging was so much fun! You pick up the dirt, you move it, you pick it up again, you move it again -- lots of repetitions, you exercise the forceps, and the pincers -- AZTECA (ogling him) Mmm, yes, I see what you mean... While Azteca is checking out the hunky new worker, work has effectively stopped...clods are piling up behind Weaver. A Foreman comes striding down the line, furious. FOREMAN What's the holdup here?! Weaver whips his shovel up to his shoulder and salutes, as if he's dealing with a superior officer. WEAVER Sorry, sir -- I was just having a little chat with my friend -- FOREMAN (yelling at Weaver) Who said you could have a chat? You're not a chatter, you're a digger! So shut up and dig! AZTECA Leave him alone! He's new. FOREMAN You too? Well just for that, you lose your day's rations! Now get back to work! The Foreman heads down the line, shoving and berating the other workers as he goes along. AZTECA (surprised at herself) I don't know what came over me, talking back like that. I must be going crazy... WEAVER Sorry I got you in trouble. But listen, you can share my rations. AZTECA (flirting) Are you asking me out to dinner? WEAVER (blushing) No -- I mean yes -- I mean -- if you don't have other plans. AZTECA I'll make myself available...Listen, better watch out with the backtalk. I don't know want you to end up like the guy who used to work next to me. I'm afraid he got... downsized. EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY Some guard ants are looking out across the sandy main entrance to the hive. GUARD ANT Look! They're back! The army's back! Alert the colony! The other ant starts ringing a bell, rushing down into the colony. CUT TO: INT. TOWN CENTER - DAY A huge crowd is forming, eager to welcome the army back. A band is striking up a triumphant victory song, confetti and streamers are being thrown, as General Formica strides in, followed by Carpenter. EXCITED ANTS The army's returned! Our brave boys are back! (etc.) Everyone waves little flags as the tuba player Oompah-oompah- oompahs... ...and Z walks into the hall, looking bedraggled and exhausted, his helmet hanging over his ears. The band slows to a halt. At the edge of the crowd, Azteca, sitting on Weaver's shoulders, can just about see over the crowd. AZTECA It looks like only one soldier made it back! Weaver looks distraught. WEAVER (to himself) Poor Z -- I should never have let you go! Far down the hall, Z is describing the battle. Z It was horrible...a massacre, a massacre upon a massacre. First we massacred them, then they massacred us, then it was halftime. I've never seen such violence, such bloodthirstiness, such bad manners...I'm the only one that made it! The atmosphere is somber. This is a tough one to try and put a spin on...but that doesn't stop Formica from trying. FORMICA ONE TO NOTHING! WE WIN! The band strikes up again, and everyone cheers. Z No -- you -- you don't understand! FORMICA Damn, I'm proud of you, boy. I wish I had a hundred ants of your caliber. The world would tremble. Now, time for some R and R. You're invited to the royal victory party! Z Royal victory party? Will...will Princess Bala be there? FORMICA Of course. The entire royal family will be there to honor you. Z (thinks) ONE TO NOTHING! Renewed CHEERS, as Z is lifted onto the shoulder of some of the soldiers who stayed behind. AZTECA Wait a minute, that's no soldier -- that's Z! WEAVER Z? Our Z? The little guy made it! Z is following Formica away from the cheering crowd. EXT. ABOVE TOWN CENTER - DAY Z and Formica are going up the royal "stairway" together. FORMICA Son, you're an ant after my own heart. A warrior. An ant that looks death right in the face and laughs. Z Well, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back. So, tell me, fellow war-monger...do you think Princess Bala likes men in uniform? FORMICA Well she better -- she's engaged to one. Me! Z Engaged? As in you're getting married? FORMICA Affirmative. Z So...you two are in love? FORMICA In love? (shakes his head) I'm just a plain old soldier at heart. I'll tell you what I love -- the field -- blood -- death -- orders...and the company of other warriors. Formica gives Z a manly slap on the back. Z looks a little uncomfortable as we... CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM - DAY Z follows Formica and Carpenter into the throne room. At the end of the hall, a society band is playing. The room is full of courtier ants and officers. Waiters are gliding around holding trays of hors d'ouevres. Z Wow, what a spread -- you know, there's a food shortage in the rest of the colony. FORMICA Yes, and do you know why there's a food shortage? Z ...Not enough food? FORMICA Negatory. Too many ants. And while we soldiers go out there, and fight, and bleed, and die for the colony, the namby-pamby workers live it up back home. Feeling a little hot, Z wipes his brow. Z Well I, I don't think "living it up" is the right term -- how about "working themselves to death"? FORMICA I tell you son, sometimes, at night, I see myself in battle, fighting a horrible, faceless enemy, with the future of our whole species at stake. And always, the dream ends with each of us plunging his sword into the other's heart... Z (spooked) Oh, hey, that's great, I think I see an old war buddy over there, it's been fun chatting. Good luck with the hallucinations. Z escapes from Formica, who gazes after him suspiciously. Z mingles in with the crowd, then he sees Princess Bala standing with a group of officers who are eating hors d'oeuvres. OFFICER (telling a joke) What do you call it when 10,000 workers are killed in a tunnel cave- in? (a beat) Who cares? They're workers! The officers laugh, but Bala looks bored in this stuffy social scene. Z But...don't you think the worker class is the very foundation of the colony -- (realizes he's getting odd looks) I mean, uh, without them, who would we stand on? More laughter. BALA You're the hero of the recent termite campaign, aren't you? Z Well, if single-handedly vanquishing the enemy and slaughtering a whole nestful of termites makes someone a hero, yes I am. Z reaches for a tray of canapes that a waiter is carrying by, and KNOCKS the whole thing CLATTERING to the ground. Z (feigning nonchalance) And you are...? BALA I'm Princess Bala. Z Ah, yes. (affected) Well, charmed, I'm sure. So, Princess, have you ever danced with a hero? BALA Yes. Z (deflated) Oh...oh well then, one more won't matter. She moves towards the dance floor. Z spit-combs his antennae, struts after her -- until he trips on his sword. He tumbles, falls, but hops to his feet just as Bala turns toward him, turning it into a ballet plies. Z Just warming up... She frowns...there's something familiar about this guy. But then they start dancing. ACROSS THE ROOM: The Queen and General Formica watch the party. QUEEN All these parties are so marvellously alike. FORMICA They should be... (suspicious) But there's something funny about that soldier. Formica strides over to where Z and Bala are dancing. FORMICA (glowering) May I cut in? Z (intimidated) Oh, of course -- BALA (pulling Z back) No, General. I'm dancing with the war hero. Z (trying to placate Formica) Uh, sorry, General, I...I've always had this animal magnetism, it -- Bala YANKS Z back onto the dance floor, dancing away from Formica. BALA You dance... Z Divinely? BALA No weirdly...You remind me of someone... Formica catches Bala's eye. She frowns at him, and decides to get a little shocking. BALA He was swarthy...primitive... earthy...sensual. As she says these things, Z tries to act accordingly. BALA He was a worker. I danced with him at a worker's bar just the other day. I'm not shocking you, am I? Z (proudly) No...as a matter of fact... BALA (shocked) OH MY GOD, IT'S YOU! YOU'RE A WORKER!!! A filthy, stupid, disgusting WORKER! Everybody gasps. The dancing stops cold. Z Gee, uh, could you say it a little louder, I think there are some ants in the next colony who didn't hear you. BALA I CAN'T DANCE WITH A WORKER! Z (offended) That's not what you said the other night -- BALA (now she's panicked) Quiet -- sshhh!! Z (digging it in) -- At the worker bar! You were pretty hot to trot then! BALA SSHH!!! SSHH!!! A livid Formica is stalking over towards them. FORMICA (furious) What's this? A worker has been masquerading as a war hero?! Z Well it wasn't a masquerade, really, it was more what I'd call a clever ruse -- FORMICA ARREST HIM! Z Can't we all settle this like adults -- we're not larvae anymore -- Angry officers begin to surround Z, who hides behind Bala in fear, using her as a shield. QUEEN Oh my god! He's taking her hostage! Z No I'm not -- I mean -- nobody move! Or the Princess gets it! People shout and scream, as Z backs up with the Princess...into the kitchen. INT. KITCHEN - DAY Z backs up into the kitchen, still pulling Bala along with him. Here, ant chefs are preparing food for the party, vomiting little florets onto a platter. Formica and the soldiers follow them in. Z (to Formica) Stay back, you lunatic! Do you think I don't know how to use this? Z realizes that he's pointing his finger at them. Z Uh-oh. The officers rush for...and Z, with Bala in tow, falls backwards into an opening marked, "GARBAGE". EXT. ANT MOUND - DAY HOLD ON: the GARBAGE CHUTE EXIT. Nothing happens for a moment. Then -- From a distance, we hear the faint sound of SCREAMING, dopplering closer -- -- and then Z and Bala come flying out of the exit, right into the mud, cutting off the scream abruptly. Bala sits up, coated in mud. Z is nowhere to be seen. Because she's on top of him. PRINCESS This is thoroughly unacceptable! Z You're telling me... She gets up and runs back towards the colony entrance, where soldiers are already issuing to get her... BALA I'm coming! I'm coming! But...just as Bala'a about to be rescued...what looks like a gigantic LASER BEAM sweeps along the rim of the colony, sizzling the ground as it moves along...and IGNITES the lead soldier into FLAMES! Bala looks stunned. Z watches in horror as another soldier ant is FRIED, and we look up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNIFYING GLASS casting the beam...we can just about make out the huge, grotesque figure (a seven year old kid) holding it. Bala, who has no idea what's really going on, turns from the colony and runs the other way. BALA I'm going! I'm going' ...unfortunately, this draws the fire of the laser, which follows after her in what looks like a strafing run, SIZZLING in her footsteps. Z, who's running towards the princess, suddenly realizes that he's running towards certain doom...and joins Bala in legging it away from the colony; under a brown leaf, which bursts into flames...between the redwood-like stalks of some flowers...and finally into the relative safety of some grass...where they throw themselves on the ground, exhausted. CUT TO: EXT. WEED CLUMP - DAY Z and Bala dust themselves off. BALA What was that thing? Z How should I know? BALA I order you to find out where we are! Z Alright, alright, I'll try to get directions from one of the locals. Z tries to flag down some passing bees. Z Excuse me, I -- (it passes him by; he tries the next) Pardon me -- (same response) And they call them social insects. BALA Climb up that tree and get a better view! Bala points to a thin blade of grass. Gingerly, Z tests the grass and starts climbing up it...but his weight bends it, so that he's lowered back to the ground, face to upside-down face with Bala. BALA I've been kidnapped by the village idiot. Z Who's the bigger idiot -- the idiot who gets kidnapped, or the idiot who lets herself get kidnapped by the idiot? BALA How dare you speak to me like that? I'm the Princess! Z squares up with her. Z Theoretically, yes. But is the monarchical hierarchy applicable without the underlying social structure to support it? BALA Of course! It defines society! To deny the precept is to say that order is an arbitrary distinction applied by the society itself! Z But can there be a society composed of just two ants? BALA No! There's no such thing as "just two ants." You never see just two ants -- you see a million ants! Z Look around, sweetheart. She looks around. She doesn't like what she sees. She glowers at Z. BALA I -- hate -- you. Z Well I guess that makes us even. BALA Ha! Don't make me laugh. You're crazy about me! That's why you lied and cheated to get near me! Z Oh come on, you're the one who came after me -- the swarthy, earthy, sensual worker! BALA (repulsed) I was slumming it! I danced with you because you were the most pathetic specimen in the place! Z Is that the same standard you used to choose General Formica? BALA I didn't choose him. What kind of idiot would... (unconvincingly) ...choose who she wanted to marry? She shakes herself out of it. BALA Now, worker, you shall take me back to the colony, and have your head cut off and stuck on a sharp pole! Z Well, that's an appealing offer, but...considering the options... (he decides) You go back. Me, I'm going to Insectopia. BALA Insectopia? You stupid worker, that's just a fairy tale! Z Yeah, well I have it on a reliable source... (he knows that was maybe stretching it) that it exists. Now you follow the yellow egg... (looking around) That direction. BALA Worker! Come back here now! Z I've got a name. It's Z. BALA That's not a name! That's just a letter! Z, meanwhile, hits the road. Bala has no idea of where to go. Just then, the scariness of the outside world comes through to her. We start hearing NOISES -- the equivalent of scary jungle sounds in a Tarzan movie -- the HISSING, CROAKING, CHIRRUPING... Bala sees eyes looking out at her from all directions...and spots a colossal monster (a sparrow) fixing her with his beady gaze. BALA (clears her throat) Worker? (no response...louder now) Oh WORKER? Where are you? (getting desperate) Z? Z? Wait for me!!! Bala heads off after Z. INT. MEGA-TUNNEL - DAY The mass of worker ants are swinging pick-axes in the tunnel. The foreman moves up the line, BERATING the workers, yelling at them to dig faster. AZTECA I tell ya, I'm gettin' sick of bein' yelled at. WORKER #1 What do you want, we're just workers. WEAVER You know, you're not just workers -- you can be whatever you want to be! Look at Z! He started as a worker -- then he became a soldier! AZTECA That's right! He slaughtered hundreds of termites single-handedly! WORKER #2 I heard about this guy. (turning to the other workers) He crashed a party at the palace. Then he took a hike with one of the royal babes! And when they tried to stop him, he just looked at a couple'a guards, and they burst into flames! WORKER ANT #1 You're nuts, how could a worker do all that? WEAVER Well, because he's more than a worker...he's a...what did he call it, Azteca... AZTECA Invisible! WEAVER No -- an individual! WORKER #2 What's that? WEAVER Well, it's...someone with his own point of view...someone who does what he wants, not whatever he's told to do! AZTECA (eyes lit up, watching Weaver) Someone who follows his heart! WEAVER (taking Azteca's hand) Right...because every ant's important! WORKER #2 (scoffs) But that would mean I'm important. WORKER #1 I'm outta here, this sounds like trouble to me. But more ants are gathering 'round. WEAVER We can all be individuals! Just like Z! Weaver and Azteca hold hands. More ants are gathering around, dropping their tools... EXT. BIKE PATH - DAY LONG SHOT. A glimmering desert landscape (think of "The Sun's Anvil" in Lawrence of Arabia). Two small figures can be seen, tiny dots moving across the arid whiteness. They're Bala and Z, who are crossing a concrete path in the park, which they perceive to be a "desert". BALA Water...water... Z Water...water -- oh, you already said that. BALA (walking along) My skin's dry, my exoskeleton is cracking...I wish I'd never met you, you ruined my life. Z I ruined your life? Look, I was perfectly happy until I met you -- alright, I was miserable, but I was happily miserable. Over Z's line, we can see a GIGANTIC WHEEL, getting larger and larger and heading right towards them, a GIGANTIC WHEEL (the front wheel of a bicycle which is heading right towards them). BALA Look out! Bala pushes Z out of the way just as the wheel rolls past with a cacophonous CRUNCHING, GRINDING noise -- like a gigantic millwheel. BALA We're going to die! Z Come on -- it's gone! What are the chances of that happening again? No sooner has he said it than the rear wheel of the bike thunders past. Z Well I'll be. Bala notices that they're clutching one another in fear; she pushes him away. BALA Why didn't I listen to my mother ...why'd I have to go looking for trouble? Any ant would have given their left legs to be in my position...what's wrong with me? Z Want a list? BALA (urgent) Wait, I hear something! We can, in fact, hear a low, musical PLUNK.. there's a pause and then we can hear it again... Z and Bala walk over a rocky "dune" (the soft shoulder of the path). Beyond, the grass starts up again. They have come to the end of the "desert" (i.e. the other side of the path) Through the blades of grass, we can see... Z It's...it's... BALA WATER!!! EXT. LAKE - DAY A LAKE (a puddle) stretches before them. It is, in fact, the overflow of a drinking-fountain whose drain is jammed...as Z and Bala run to the lake, water dribbles from the fountain and into one edge of the pool (to the ants, it's a waterfall). Bala and Z run to the edge of the water and start slurping. They smile at each other, until they remember that they don't like each other. Z This lake is huge! And so close to the colony! Think of the vacation potential! BALA Cut me down a soft leaf so I can take a nap. Z Listen, "Princess", you can't order me around. Out here, you're not the boss anymore -- out here, you're just -- -- But before he can finish, a water droplet from the fountain falls

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

carbine

How many times the word 'carbine' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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How many times the word 'barn' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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How many times the word 'lowers' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

closer

How many times the word 'closer' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

fires

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

private

How many times the word 'private' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

forebodings

How many times the word 'forebodings' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

around

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

heroes

How many times the word 'heroes' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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How many times the word 'gun' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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How many times the word 'gaq' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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How many times the word 'face' appears in the text?

Battle of Shaker Heights, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS THE BATTLE OF SHAKER HEIGHTS Written by Erica Beeney FADE IN: EXT. FOREST - DAY DISTANT GUN AND MORTAR FIRE Muffled by the wet green forest. The very earth seems to tremble. A RABBIT Darts out of a log, lifts itself on its hind legs and sniffs the air. LOBBED GRENADE EXPLODES VOICES and SHOUTS, closer now, mix with the rumbling WAR SOUNDS in a veritable symphony of violence and confusion. A DEAD AMERICAN GI lays splayed out, careless in death. A pair of SOLDIERS flash among the trees, running hunched over and low, and disappear into the gray blooms of SMOKE. For a moment the forest takes a breath. Nothing but trembling leaves. Then - The RATTLE of a Jeep Coming closer in fits and starts, GRINDING through low gears. A Willys MB appears, CRASHING through the undergrowth. It's driven by Private First Class KELLY ERNSWILER. Eighteen, if that. Not much meat on him. His insignias indicate he's in the 29th Infantry. His face might be attractive, under other conditions. He pauses and pulls a map from the pocket of his M41 standard- issue field jacket. KELLY Where the hell are those Krauts? To give himself courage, he SINGS Tommy Dorsey's "I'll Be Seeing You [in all the old familiar places]" while maneuvering the Jeep through the bushes and rocks. He drives straight for a fallen LOG, GUNS the engine and tries to go over it. The Jeep's FRONT WHEELS catch on the log. The BACK TIRES spin. Kelly gets out. Takes off his M1 combat helmet and wipes his face. Assesses the situation. He grabs a BRANCH. Jams it under the wheel, trying to lever the Jeep free. When -- The STUTTER of a nearby MACHINE GUN startles him. The branch SNAPS against Kelly's weight. He slips and falls in the mud. KELLY Shit. Determined, he grabs his pack and carbine and sets off on foot through the forest. EXT. CLEARING Kelly strides purposefully out of the woods. Pauses against a split-rail fence beneath the innocent sun. Across the clearing stands a seemingly abandoned BARN. But not for long, as TWO GERMAN INFANTRYMEN appear around the corner of it. Kelly moves behind a tree to assess the situation. Unaware, the Germans smoke and talk. Kelly's too far away to hear them but he watches their every move. They're relaxed, not as on guard as they should be. Their Karabiners rest slung across their backs. KELLY Bingo. AGAINST THE TREE Kelly focuses himself. Then he shoulders his carbine. Pulls out his dog tags and kisses them grimly. KELLY "And so they buried Hector, breaker of horses." He takes his Smith & Wesson 1917 PISTOL from his pistol belt and steps out into the SUNLIGHT FIELD in plain sight of the guards. Surely he knows they can see him. He must want them to see him. But they don't. Too busy passing nudie wallet photos. Halfway across the open grass, Kelly raises the pistol but does not aim it. Just strides steadily closer, arms spread out, making himself an easy target. Crazy as it seems, Private Kelly Ernswiler is trying to get himself killed. EXT. BARN Kelly pauses not twenty feet from the Germans, FIRES into the air and waves -- -- when from behind him comes a voice. GERMAN OFFICER (O.S.) Eine maus findet den kase. Kelly whips around to face a third German, the OFFICER. His pistol points right into the Officer's shocked pink young face. Point blank range. Only - Kelly doesn't fire. He just lowers the pistol. The German smiles. KELLY Kill me Adolf. GERMAN OFFICER Mien Prisoner! The Infantrymen have recovered from their idle and come running. One of them yanks Kelly's hands behind his back and pushes him into the barn roughly. Kelly doesn't struggle. KELLY Hey, Siegfreid and Roy. What are you waiting for? Kill me. INT. BARN Kelly sits slumped in a chair, legs tied up. One of the Germans shines a flashlight in his face. Kelly squints. KELLY Come on you pussies. Let's get this over with. The German Officer produces a piece of paper and a fountain pen. GERMAN OFFICER (German accent) You will write your mother. Tell her how you will die now. Kelly takes the pen and examines it. KELLY Genuine Third Reich issue, no less. Nice work. The Officer pokes the paper. GERMAN OFFICER You will write. How you die alone. KELLY My mother and I don't have that kind of relationship. GERMAN OFFICER (hisses) Write. Kelly thinks about it for a minute - should he or shouldn't he - but sighs and begins writing. After a few lines, the Officer snatches the paper away and passes it to an Infantryman. GERMAN OFFICER Enough. Now you will beg for your life. KELLY What don't you understand? INFANTRYMAN (interrupts sheepishly in German accent) The protocol says we should - The Officer wheels around and scowls at the speaker. He seems to be getting a bit hysterical. GERMAN OFFICER I am the fucking protocol. (to Kelly) Beg! He and Kelly glare at each other. The Officer FIRES his Luger into the rafters. GERMAN OFFICER Beg - for - your - life! KELLY You got to be kidding me. The Officer grabs his throat. GERMAN OFFICER Silence. Now I have a little fun. Kelly laughs. The officer slaps him. Kelly jerks away. KELLY Now that's against the rules. GERMAN OFFICER (sneers) There are no rules in war. Suddenly another AMERICAN GI appears behind the German in the shadows. Only Kelly can see him. The GI motions to Kelly "keep talking" while he gets into a better position with his M-1 rifle. KELLY (to Officer) You've never killed anyone before, have you? GERMAN OFFICER I shower in the blood of my victims -- The GI shoots the two infantrymen who fall in exaggerated pain and commence death throes. Quick as a flash, the GI's Colt 1911 PISTOL is at the German Officer's neck, his M-1 in his other hand. GI No wonder you smell so bad. GERMAN OFFICER Don't shoot, please. The GI's eyes widen. He looks at Kelly. GI Will you look at the manners on this guy? (to German) Remember to thank me when I kill you. GERMAN OFFICER No, really, not in the neck - But the GI does anyway. The Officer SHRIEKS, grabs at his neck, and falls. GI (to Kelly) You all right? KELLY Yeah. My elaborate death scene wasn't going anywhere anyway. GI You want me to give you a minute? KELLY That's okay. They'll get me eventually. If you can't get killed in a war, when can you? GI That's right. Look on the bright side. The GI holds out his hand. GI Bart. Bart Bowland. Kelly takes the hand of the grinning all-American type guy. About his own age, but BART takes up more space. KELLY Kelly. Kelly Ernswiler. BART Kelly? KELLY (mimics) Bart? BART I mean - that's Irish, right? GERMAN OFFICER (from the floor, now with a decidedly American accent) Wow man, this is a really beautiful scene and all, but I have to interrupt. (to Bart) Why the fuck did you have to shoot that cap so close to my neck? You gave me a powder burn. KELLY Listen you wienerschnitzel. You should talk. You slapped me. I'm not your bitch. The Officer gets up and dusts off his uniform. GERMAN OFFICER Well, what was that whole creepy death wish thing about? KELLY Well it didn't work, now did it? GERMAN OFFICER (shrugs) Sometimes I get so caught up in the moment. KELLY And what was that ridiculous shit about making me write to my mother? The Officer grins. GERMAN OFFICER Inspired, wasn't it? BART Dude, you made him write to his mother? Who are you, Dr. Phil? INFANTRYMAN (also with American accent) Can we get up now? Bart helps him up and checks his regulation-issue Timex. BART Might as well. There's only an hour left anyway. The German Officer crosses his arms. GERMAN OFFICER (to Kelly) Admit it. You were scared. KELLY (snorts) Right. Kelly gets up from the chair and falls over. His legs are still tied. EXT. FOREST The DEAD GI gets up and walks off with the GERMANS and some other SOLDIERS, done for the day. Bart and Kelly walk back to the stranded Jeep. BART That Willys yours? KELLY Yup. Just got her. Three summers packing out at Shop Rite. Bart unfolds an entrenching tool from his belt and digs under the back wheels, building up dirt. Then he goes around to the front and puts his shoulder against the hood. Bart rocks the Jeep while Kelly pumps the gas. The Jeep finally pulls free and SPRAYS Bart with mud. KELLY My bad. Thanks though. Kelly looks over his shoulder and starts backing away. KELLY See you. Bart stands there, dripping with mud, shocked. About a hundred feet away Kelly stops. KELLY Well, come on. Bart walks towards the Jeep. Kelly backs it up again. KELLY I couldn't resist. Bart climbs in. BART Real funny, Ernswiler. You might still get your chance to die today. INT. DINER - DAY The customers are all REENACTORS. Some Yanks, some Germans, a few Scottish and North African irregulars. "Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy" plays on the jukebox. Bart and Kelly sit in a booth together. Bart has an easy, confident manner and expansive gestures. Kelly eats hunched over, like someone might try and steal his food. BART Character building? Those crazy guys from Ann Arbor tied them to a dock. KELLY (shrugs) That's what you get for invading Wisconsin. BART D-Day at Kenosha was nothing. At Guadalcanal Chillicothe there was a guy who actually injected himself with malaria. KELLY That's crazy. They both eat for a minute. BART Where do you live, anyway? KELLY Shaker Heights. BART That explains the death wish. Me too. What street? KELLY Penn Place. BART (chewing) Hmm, don't know it. KELLY It's not technically in Shaker Heights - but I go to Shaker Heights High. Pause. Kelly looks at Bart. BART Langely Prep. KELLY Sorry to hear that. BART Well, I got kicked out of Shaker Heights High because my birdhouse came unglued in honors woodshop. KELLY Of course. I would have gone to Langely myself only my polo pony had the fits. Bart throws his napkin on his plate. BART No matter. (raises his voice to address the room) We're all soldiers here. CROWD That's right./Here, here./ Whooping, cheers, etc. EXT. BOWLAND HOUSE - DAY Kelly pulls up into the circular gravel drive. Bart's house is fancy. A nice yard and a pool. Bart hops out. BART You should come over some time. Service our lawnmower. KELLY I would, but then I might soil my croquet whites. You understand. BART How bourgeois. Cheerio then. Kelly watches Bart go into his house and smiles in spite of himself. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - DUSK Kelly's house is a also pretty nice, nothing to be ashamed of. It is smaller and weirder. The flowers and bushes are overgrown and strange sculptures dot the yard, some leaning at precarious angles. Kelly washes his Jeep in the driveway. EXT. ERNSWILER HOUSE - NIGHT Kelly buffs the headlamps with a chamois. The Jeep looks good as new. He pulls a canvas cover over it. KELLY Sleep tight Hot Lips. INT. ERNSWILER HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly walks in on his dad ABE making sandwiches. A great big pile of cheese and PB&J. ABE Sergeant Keller! How was the war? Did we win? Kelly doesn't smile at this. He looks at the sandwiches and puts his finger to his chin in a gesture so facetious it's downright angry. KELLY Let me guess. Happy Meals for the wavy gravy wellness center? Abe grabs two pieces of bread from a loaf. He looks kind. A bit ill-used by life. The phrase "rode hard and put away wet" comes to mind. ABE As usual, your cynicism is refreshing. He finishes that sandwich and adds it to the pile. Kelly pauses while opening the refrigerator. His back tightens. He slams the door with his foot. KELLY As usual, your cheerful optimism makes me ill. Abe pauses over a slice of bread only briefly. The hostility is nothing new. ABE (lightly) You should get that checked. Kelly walks through the kitchen and out the back door. KELLY (O.S.) Sure thing, doc. Say hello to Leif Garrett for me. INT. ERNSWILER GARAGE - NIGHT Kelly opens the screen door and pokes his head in. A family of Chinese immigrants, the Lings, paints canvases at long worktables. There's a MOTHER, father MAO, grandmother XIOU-XIOU, SON and DAUGHTER. Finished canvases hang from the walls and lean in piles against it. All of them are portraits of animals. Some have on hats or clothes. Kelly's mom EVE shows grandmother XIOU-XIOU a few strokes with a paintbrush. Eve wears jeans. She's one of those young-looking mothers Kelly's friends would have crushes on. If he had any friends. MAO (to Kelly) Son of Eve. You are very dirty. KELLY (awkward) A rough charge. You know. EVE (to Kelly) Don't touch anything. We have to get ready for the Starving Artist show. (to Xiou-Xiou) Now Nana, the gold has to be feathery, not gloppy - see? Eve demonstrates on the painting - a pair of monkeys in French court dress. Kelly looks over his mom's shoulder. EVE Now you try. Grandmother Xiou-Xiou dabs at the painting. EVE (to Kelly) She loves the gold. Always overuses it. And usually her touch is so light. XIOU-XIOU Gold is the color of the sun. Eve moves along the row, stopping to look at the paintings in progress. KELLY You know why we never have anything to eat in this house? But Eve has stopped behind Mao's painting. She's not paying attention to Kelly. EVE Mao, what did we say about the eyes? She gestures at the image of a horse done Santa Fe style, lots of pastels, very abstract. Mao looks at her quizzically. MAO More - empathy? EVE That's right. And didn't I tell you to put in more cacti? MAO (shakes head) No, no more cacti. Too busy. Simplicity is best. His family nods in support of this rash aesthetic statement. Eve rolls her eyes. EVE Oh boy. I'm not having this battle with you again. Kelly breaks in. KELLY Because your husband takes food from his own family to feed every loser druggie in Cleveland. Eve moves down the line. EVE Well, you can always chip in here. We're ordering pizza later. At this the family nods and smiles to each other, pleased with the news. KELLY No. Some people have to work later. (casual) Will you drop something off at the dry cleaners for me tomorrow? Eve looks up at him for the first time. Takes in his filthy uniform. EVE Sweetie, you know what we said about paying for the war things. Nothing's changed. KELLY It's the only thing I ever ask you for -- EVE Don't be dramatic. KELLY But it's important to me. Eve stops at Mother Ling's painting. EVE You're just going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself then, I guess. (to Mother Ling) No - not that way - the sky should be stormier. Angry clouds. Mother Ling looks up at Kelly, who's scowling. She smiles and nods, understanding. KELLY Why do I bother? Kelly leaves. Eve's busy talking. EVE More brown, less blue. INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT Kelly comes back in a grabs a sandwich off the pile. ABE Now Keller, who needs that sandwich more - you or the daughter of a crack addict trying to make a new life? Kelly looks at him and bites into the sandwich. KELLY How about the son of a heroin addict trying to get ready for work? Kelly leaves with the sandwich. Abe sighs and picks up more bread. ABE That went well. INT. KELLY'S ROOM - NIGHT On the walls a poster for the Civil War miniseries next to one of Led Zeppelin. Some maps. A globe. Models of fighter planes and a set of old tin soldiers. Oh yeah, and his mom's ORIGINAL PAINTING, the one that started it all, this one signed by her - a very intense looking pink rabbit glaring out of the canvas with huge eyes. He sits on the edge of the bed for a minute staring into space before he peels off his muddy uniform piece by piece. INT. GROCERY STORE - NIGHT Ah, the graveyard shift. Musak Steely Dan. Kelly unpacks cat food. Thousands and thousands of little cans of it. It's hard to keep the rows straight on the shelves. SARAH, the night cashier, stands at her register. She's plain- looking now but she'll be beautiful later when she figures out who she is. Not another soul in the store. Sarah wanders over to Kelly's aisle as if pulled by a magnet. SARAH So how'd your battle go today? I still don't understand how you could reenact the Battle of the Bulge in seventy-two degree weather. (plays with hair) Didn't all those guys freeze to death? Kelly doesn't stop working. He's got a system. KELLY Well, a Port-a-John fell over on a couple of guys. SARAH That's gross. KELLY War is hell. Kelly grabs another handful of cans. SARAH Then why do you do it? Kelly pauses. He puts two cans on the shelf very deliberately. KELLY You're never more alive then when facing simulated death. SARAH Really? Maybe I should try it. Kelly looks at her, thinks about this, and stands up. KELLY You are William J. Stone of the 1st Airborne, pinned down in Noville. The Germans have the high ground and they're shelling your position heavily. (starts throwing cans) You're holed up in a stone barn. Sustaining heavy casualties. Running low on ammo. The cries of wounded men fill the air like the cries of hungry babies. Sarah covers her head, huddled behind the boxes of cat food, dodging cans. KELLY Your commanding officer gets hit in the face, dies. At 1 p.m. you lose radio contact with headquarters. If you withdraw, the Germans will flank the entire Allied forces arrayed along Bastogne and break the front. What do you do? What do you do? SARAH Stop it! Kelly goes back to stocking, satisfied. KELLY Battle of Bulge, the Southern Shoulder, December '44. SARAH Sorry I asked. Sarah stands up and starts to wander away but Kelly makes a peace offering. KELLY Hey. Want a snack? We got a whole shipment in of busted Oreo's. Sarah looks at her feet, considering whether or not to accept it. SARAH I'll accidentally drop a couple pints of milk and meet you over there. INT. DAIRY BACKROOM Sarah and Kelly sit on milk crates, pass the cookies back and forth and get philosophical. SARAH The frozen food woman came in with her kids. They must eat out of those little cardboard trays every night. One of the kids looked like cardboard. KELLY Do you know we stock more flavors of cat food than we do baby food? SARAH No. KELLY Sixteen flavors of baby food including the toddler meals-in-ajar, thirty- one flavors of cat food. He fishes for a cookie. KELLY Next time you should tell that woman to buy her kid some cat food. An ANGRY WOMAN pushes open the swinging door of the backroom with her loaded shopping cart. WOMAN Is this store open? I've been waiting up front. If the store's closed, it shouldn't have a sign that says twenty- four hours. Sarah gets up. Kelly stays right where he is, finishing a cookie. SARAH Sorry about that. WOMAN I have a lot of coupons and I don't want to be here when they expire. KELLY (to Sarah) Charge her double for everything. Sarah smiles and hurries away. INT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY Kelly walks down the hall with his army-issue BACKPACK slung over one shoulder. Besides a serious case of bedhead, he looks normal. No one says hi to him as he makes his way to his locker. As he twirls the combination and opens it, he notices LANCE -- short and wide, built like a tank, prematurely balding, and his girlfriend BRIDGET embracing a few lockers down. They kiss raunchily, their tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths. Lance sees Kelly looking and stops kissing. LANCE What the fuck are you looking at, GI Jane? Kelly shakes his head and gets a book out of his locker. LANCE No really, what makes you think you can look at me? KELLY I honestly didn't know it was you. I thought it was a free preview of the Spice Channel. LANCE That's pretty funny. You got dental insurance? Kelly closes his locker and walks away. Bridget wipes her mouth guiltily. Lance shakes his head and pulls Bridget to him, grinding his pelvis against hers. BRIDGET Stop it. She walks away. LANCE What? What? INT. CLASSROOM -- DAY The lights are off in history class. The teacher MR. NORMAN shows slides on the Civil War. The more we see the clearer it becomes that they are his own photos from a vacation spent visiting the memorials. Mr. Norman smiles out at his class in shot after shot. He clicks the remote and a photo of his WIFE, crouched over and wearing shorts, drinking from a garden hose appears on screen. MR. NORMAN Whoops! He hurries through to the next slide. It doesn't matter anyway. Everyone is almost asleep. Except Kelly, who becomes increasingly irritated the more Mr. Norman talks. MR. NORMAN And here, at Gettysburg, the ranks of Union soldiers fought bravely on. They were willing to give their lives so that others might be free. Kelly shifts in his seat. MR. NORMAN Is there a problem Mr. Ernswiler? KELLY No. But Mr. Norman doesn't start talking again. He waits, looking at Kelly, smiling blandly. Until the silence becomes uncomfortable. And Kelly gets mad. KELLY Come on. Isn't this analysis a tad simplistic? I mean, maybe for a second grade history class, sure - but to insist on still characterizing the Civil War as some moral struggle? The soldiers were drafted - the only ones who had to fight were the ones who couldn't afford to pay their way out. (losing it) Why don't you talk about the Draft Riots? Where are your slides for that? INT. PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER Fresh flowers and a crocheted tissue box hoodie make the place cozy. Kelly sits across the desk from PRINCIPAL HOLMSTEAD, a well- groomed woman with a gentle talk show host demeanor. HOLMSTEAD What gives you the idea that you can or ought to question the curriculum? Kelly doesn't move. He's not into this. HOLMSTEAD Or question your teacher? KELLY I know. I mean, who ever heard of a classroom dialog? Not Socrates. Ms. Holmstead is exasperated, but she likes him in spite of herself. He's a smart cookie. She's got to change her strategy. She leans back in her chair. HOLMSTEAD Kelly, you're a very bright boy. But you're making some serious mistakes. KELLY I don't need to. Everyone else makes them for me. Her chair SQUEAKS as she leans forward and looks at Kelly intently. HOLMSTEAD This anger must be masking a lot of hurt. KELLY I was wondering what the tissues were for. Holmstead tries again. She looks down at his file. HOLMSTEAD I see you're not going to college next year. What are your plans? Kelly shrugs. Holmstead searches his face for any clues. HOLMSTEAD How do I get through to you? KELLY Advertisers use status and sex to appeal to my demographic. She shakes her head and swings her chair towards the window and gazes out at the front walkway of the school. Her face clears. Something's clicked. HOLMSTEAD I think we can come up with a punishment which might actually be more of an opportunity for you to realize your true potential. EXT. SHAKER HEIGHTS HIGH - DAY School's been out for a while. The first rush had already left. Kelly comes down the front steps and starts across the parking lot to his Jeep. Lance steps out from behind an SUV and intercepts him. LANCE You upset Bridget. Kelly hardly stops walking. KELLY Give me a break. LANCE You need to apologize. KELLY What are you going to do, make out with me? Lance runs and grabs Kelly's backpack. LANCE Why are you fucking with me? You little fucker. Want to play, fuckface? KELLY You just used fuck as a verb, noun, and adjective. Impressive. Kelly tries to start walking again but Lance has hold of him. LANCE Let's see what Beetle Bailey's got in his knapsack. Lance grabs Kelly's arm and yanks it back. Kelly still seems unconcerned. Suddenly he pulls away, but Lance keeps hold of his backpack. Lance holds the backpack up next to his head and points at it, gleeful. Lance walks away towards his car. Kelly runs after him. Lance holds Kelly off easily with one hand and throws the backpack into his SUV. They STRUGGLE for a minute, until Lance pushes Kelly away, gets in the car. Kelly runs next to the car and pounds on the window as Lance drives off. Finally, Kelly gives up. Lance turns out of the parking lot and HONKS the horn. Kelly shakes his head. KELLY Rim job. INT. ARMY NAVY STORE - DAY Kelly sifts through a pile of backpacks looking for a replacement. From his post behind the counter, Bart sees him and comes over. BART Kelly. Hey. KELLY You work here? BART Just a couple days a month, to get a heads-up on the latest stuff. What are you doing? KELLY Looking for a backpack. BART Is that all? Don't bother. I have a couple extras at home. I could give you one if you want. KELLY (beat) Sure, I guess. INT. BOWLAND HOUSE, DAD'S LIBRARY - DAY Kelly stands a bit awkwardly waiting for Bart to get the key from the desk to open the door in the corner. The door finally swings open. INT. STOREROOM Bart and Kelly stand between shelves piled high with war memorabilia. Uniforms in vacu-pac sealed bags, weapons in shoeboxes, cannonballs and tattered and gunsmoke-darkened flags. KELLY Very impressive. BART My dad's real into hoarding. Kelly holds up a flask in a leather case. KELLY What's this? BART Grant's field flask. KELLY Wow. Your dad should meet my history teacher. He sent me to the principal's office today for questioning his G- rated interpretation of the Civil War. BART Forget him. KELLY I would, but now the principal's making me give a speech on the Civil War at an assembly. BART (laughing in sympathy and amusement) What is he, some kind of sadist? KELLY She thinks she's doing me a favor. BART Jesus, she must think you're really screwed up. Are you? KELLY Depends on who you ask. Everyone's got an opinion. BART (grabs box) Take this. That'll shut them up. Bart opens the long box. Nestled inside is a leg bone with a foot attached to it. BART Stonewall Jackson's. KELLY Yeah right. BART Can you imagine that? Losing your leg and getting back up on your horse? Unbelievable. What balls. Kelly nods. That is balls. BART He's got so much crap crammed in here he doesn't even notice when it's missing. I saw a backpack in here somewhere. Bart puts down the box carelessly and paws through the piles. INT. BOWLAND KITCHEN Bart and Kelly sit at the kitchen table drinking sodas, waiting for MINNIE, the housekeeper, to finish making them dinner. BART I thought he had a couple. KELLY I'd feel weird taking one out of the tomb of Tutenkamen anyway. BART Trust me, you shouldn't. (burps) Where'd your old one go? KELLY I lost it. BART How? A pause. Kelly decides to tell him. KELLY Someone took it. BART You let someone take it? KELLY I didn't let him. I told off some idiot -- BART Sounds like your mouth gets you into trouble a lot. KELLY I'm telling you, it's not me, it's the world. TABBY, Bart's older sister comes in. She's older. Definitely in college, if not out. And totally shockingly beautiful. Otherworldly. BART Tabby, this is Kelly. TABBY (to Kelly) Don't give him any money, whatever you do. BART Shut up. TABBY All these little old ladies are looking for him in Arizona. He took their retirement money and bought defective bazookas with it. Kelly laughs. And looks at Tabby more closely. BART Very funny. We're paying attention to you, are you happy now? TABBY Finally, my life is complete. Fait accompli. BART (to Tabby) Minnie's making sloppy joes. Want one? TABBY Sloppy joe? Sloppy no. She opens the fridge and gets a yogurt. TABBY I have to go take a shower. Will you call me when Miner gets here? Tabby leaves. Kelly's distracted. KELLY Who's Miner?

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Big Lebowski, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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Big Lebowski, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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Big Lebowski, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

serenity

How many times the word 'serenity' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

bruit

How many times the word 'bruit' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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How many times the word 'var' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

outlook

How many times the word 'outlook' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

estim

How many times the word 'estim' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

wal

How many times the word 'wal' appears in the text?

Big Lebowski, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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How many times the word 'there' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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How many times the word 'seen' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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How many times the word 'nine' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

bush

How many times the word 'bush' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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Big Lebowski, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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Big Lebowski, The Script at IMSDb. var _gaq = _gaq || []; _gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-3785444-3']); _gaq.push(['_trackPageview']); (function() { var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true; ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js'; var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s); })(); The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb) The web's largest movie script resource! Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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How many times the word 'bag' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

would

How many times the word 'would' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

where

How many times the word 'where' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> THE BIG LEBOWSKI THE BIG LEBOWSKI We are floating up a steep scrubby slope. We hear male voices gently singing "Tumbling Tumbleweeds" and a deep, affable, Western-accented voice--Sam Elliot's, perhaps: VOICE-OVER A way out west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Jeff Lebowski. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Lebowski, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'. We top the rise and the smoggy vastness of Los Angeles at twilight stretches out before us. VOICE-OVER They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and thisahere story I'm about to unfold-- wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me. INTERIOR RALPH'S It is late, the supermarket all but deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses at the dairy case. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep. He is feeling quarts of milk for coldness and examining their expiration dates. VOICE-OVER Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early nineties-- just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man. The Dude glances furtively about and then opens a quart of milk. He sticks his nose in the spout and sniffs. VOICE-OVER And I'm talkin' about the Dude here-- sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles. CHECKOUT GIRL She waits, arms folded. A small black-and white TV next to her register shows George Bush on the White House lawn with helicopter rotors spinning behind him. GEORGE BUSH This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand! The Dude, peeking over his shades, scribbles something at the little customer's lectern. Milk beads his mustache. VOICE-OVER ...and even if he's a lazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the laziest in Los Angeles County. The Dude has his Ralph's Shopper's Club card to one side and is making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents. VOICE-OVER ...which would place him high in the runnin' for laziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man. EXTERIOR RALPH'S Long shot of the glowing Ralph's. There are only two or three cars parked in the huge lot. VOICE-OVER Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough. The Dude is a small figure walking across the vast lot. Next to him walks a Mexican carry-out boy in a red apron and cap carrying a small brown bag holding the quart of milk. The two men's footsteps echo in the still of the night. After a beat of walking the Dude offhandedly points. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S HOUSE The Dude is going up the walkway of a small Venice bungalow court. He holds the paper sack in one hand and a small leatherette satchel in the other. He awkwardly hugs the grocery bag against his chest as he turns a key in his door. INSIDE The Dude enters and flicks on a light. His head is grabbed from behind and tucked into an armpit. We track with him as he is rushed through the living room, his arm holding the satchel flailing away from his body. Going into the bedroom the outflung satchel catches a piece of doorframe and wallboard and rips through it, leaving a hole. The Dude is propelled across the bedroom and on into a small bathroom, the satchel once again taking away a piece of doorframe. His head is plunged into the toilet. The paper bag hugged to his chest explodes milk as it hits the toilet rim and the satchel pulverizes tile as it crashes to the floor. The Dude blows bubbles. VOICE We want that money, Lebowski. Bunny said you were good for it. Hands haul the Dude out of the toilet. The Dude blubbers and gasps for air. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! His head is plunged back into the toilet. VOICE Where's the money, Lebowski! The hands haul him out again, dripping and gasping. VOICE WHERE'S THE FUCKING MONEY, SHITHEAD! DUDE It's uh, it's down there somewhere. Lemme take another look. His head is plunged back in. VOICE Don't fuck with us. If your wife owes money to Jackie Treehorn, that means you owe money to Jackie Treehorn. The inquisitor hauls the Dude's head out one last time and flops him over so that he sits on the floor, back against the toilet. The Dude gropes back in the toilet with one hand. Looming over him is a strapping blond man. Beyond in the living room a young Chinese man unzips his fly and walks over to a rug. CHINESE MAN Ever thus to deadbeats, Lebowski. He starts peeing on the rug. The Dude's hand comes out of the toilet bowl with his sunglasses. DUDE Oh, man. Don't do-- BLOND MAN You see what happens? You see what happens, Lebowski? The Dude puts on his dripping sunglasses. DUDE Look, nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man. BLOND MAN Your name is Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny. DUDE Bunny? Look, moron. He holds up his hands. DUDE You see a wedding ring? Does this place look like I'm fucking married? All my plants are dead! The blond man stoops to unzip the satchel. He pulls out a bowling ball and examines it in the manner of a superstitious native. BLOND MAN The fuck is this? The Dude pats at his pockets, takes out a joint and lights it. DUDE Obviously you're not a golfer. The blond man drops the ball which pulverizes more tile. BLOND MAN Woo? The Chinese man is zipping his fly. WOO Yeah? BLOND MAN Wasn't this guy supposed to be a millionaire? WOO Uh? They both look around. WOO Fuck. BLOND MAN What do you think? WOO He looks like a fuckin' loser. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose with one finger and peeks over them. DUDE Hey. At least I'm housebroken. The two men look at each other. They turn to leave. WOO Fuckin' waste of time. The blond man turns testily at the door. BLOND MAN Thanks a lot, asshole. ON THE DOOR SLAM WE CUT TO: BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. Music and head credits play over various bowling shots--pins flying, bowlers hoisting balls, balls gliding down lanes, sliding feet, graceful releases, ball return spinning up a ball, fingers sliding into fingerholes, etc. The music turns into boomy source music, coming from a distant jukebox, as the credits end over a clattering strike. A lanky blonde man with stringy hair tied back in a ponytail turns from the strike to walk back to the bench. MAN Hot damn, I'm throwin' rocks tonight. Mark it, Dude. We are tracking in on the circular bench towards a big man nursing a large plastic cup of Bud. He has dark worried eyes and a goatee. Hairy legs emerge from his khaki shorts. He also wears a khaki army surplus shirt with the sleeves cut off over an old bowling shirt. This is Walter. He squints through the smoke from his own cigarette as he addresses the Dude at the scoring table. The Dude, also holding a large plastic cup of Bud, wears some of its foam on his mustache. WALTER This was a valued rug. He elaborately clears his throat. WALTER This was, uh-- DUDE Yeah man, it really tied the room together-- WALTER This was a valued, uh. Donny, the strike-scoring bowler, enters and sits next Walter. DONNY What tied the room together, Dude? WALTER Were you listening to the story, Donny? DONNY What-- WALTER Were you listening to the Dude's story? DONNY I was bowling-- WALTER So you have no frame of reference, Donny. You're like a child who wanders in in the middle of a movie and wants to know-- DUDE What's your point, Walter? WALTER There's no fucking reason--here's my point, Dude--there's no fucking reason-- DONNY Yeah Walter, what's your point? WALTER Huh? DUDE What's the point of--we all know who was at fault, so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER Huh? No! What the fuck are you talking--I'm not--we're talking about unchecked aggression here-- DONNY What the fuck is he talking about? DUDE My rug. WALTER Forget it, Donny. You're out of your element. DUDE This Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill so what the fuck are you talking about? WALTER What the fuck are you talking about?! This Chinaman is not the issue! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line you do not, uh--and also, Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred, uh. . . Asian- American. Please. DUDE Walter, this is not a guy who built the rail- roads, here, this is a guy who peed on my-- WALTER What the fuck are you-- DUDE Walter, he peed on my rug-- DONNY He peed on the Dude's rug-- WALTER YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR ELEMENT! This Chinaman is not the issue, Dude. DUDE So who-- WALTER Jeff Lebowski. Come on. This other Jeffrey Lebowski. The millionaire. He's gonna be easier to find anyway than these two, uh. these two . . . And he has the wealth, uh, the resources obviously, and there is no reason, no FUCKING reason, why his wife should go out and owe money and they pee on your rug. Am I wrong? DUDE No, but-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE Yeah, but-- WALTER Okay. That, uh. He elaborately clears his throat. That rap really tied the room together, did it not? DUDE Fuckin' A. DONNY And this guy peed on it. WALTER Donny! Please! DUDE Yeah, I could find this Lebowski guy-- DONNY His name is Lebowski? That's your name, Dude! DUDE Yeah, this is the guy, this guy should compensate me for the fucking rug. I mean his wife goes out and owes money and they pee on my rug. WALTER Thaaat's right Dude; they pee on your fucking Rug. CLOSE ON A PLAQUE We pull back from the name JEFFREY LEBOWSKI engraved in silver to reveal that the plaque, from Variety Clubs International, honors Lebowski as ACHIEVER OF THE YEAR. Reflected in the plaque we see the Dude entering the room with a YOUNG MAN. We hear the two men talk: YOUNG MAN And this is the study. You can see the various commendations, honorary degrees, et cetera. DUDE Yes, uh, very impressive. YOUNG MAN Please, feel free to inspect them. DUDE I'm not really, uh. YOUNG MAN Please! Please! DUDE Uh-huh. We are panning the walls, looking at various citations and certificates unrelated to the ones being discussed offscreen: YOUNG MAN That's the key to the city of Pasadena, which Mr. Lebowski was given two years ago in recognition of his various civic, uh. DUDE Uh-huh. YOUNG MAN That's a Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce Business Achiever award, which is given--not necessarily given every year! Given only when there's a worthy, somebody especially-- DUDE Hey, is this him with Nancy? YOUNG MAN That is indeed Mr. Lebowski with the first lady, yes, taken when-- DUDE Lebowski on the right? YOUNG MAN Of course, Mr. Lebowski on the right, Mrs. Reagan on the left, taken when-- DUDE He's handicapped, huh? YOUNG MAN Mr. Lebowski is disabled, yes. And this picture was taken when Mrs. Reagan was first lady of the nation, yes, yes? Not of California. DUDE Far out. YOUNG MAN And in fact he met privately with the President, though unfortunately there wasn't time for a photo opportunity. DUDE Nancy's pretty good. YOUNG MAN Wonderful woman. We were very-- DUDE Are these. YOUNG MAN These are Mr. Lebowski's children, so to speak-- DUDE Different mothers, huh? YOUNG MAN No, they-- DUDE I guess he's pretty, uh, racially pretty cool-- YOUNG MAN They're not his, heh-heh, they're not literally his children; they're the Little Lebowski Urban Achievers, inner-city children of promise but without the-- DUDE I see. YOUNG MAN --without the means for higher education, so Mr. Lebowski has committed to sending all of them to college. DUDE Jeez. Think he's got room for one more? YOUNG MAN One--oh! Heh-heh. You never went to college? DUDE Well, yeah I did, but I spent most of my time occupying various, um, administration buildings-- YOUNG MAN Heh-heh-- DUDE --smoking thai-stick, breaking into the ROTC-- YOUNG MAN Yes, heh-- DUDE --and bowling. I'll tell you the truth, Brandt, I don't remember most of it.--Jeez! Fuck me! Our continuing track and pan have brought us onto a framed Life Magazine cover which is headlined ARE YOU A LEBOWSKI ACHIEVER? Oddly, the Dude's sunglassed face is on it; we realize that, under the magazine's logo and headline, the display is mirrored. We hear the door open and the whine of a motor. The Dude, wearing shorts and a bowling shirt, turns to look. So does Brandt, the young man we've been listening to. He wears a suit and has his hands clasped in front of his groin. Entering the room is a fat sixtyish man in a motorized wheelchair--Jeff Lebowski. LEBOWSKI Okay sir, you're a Lebowski, I'm a Lebowski, that's terrific, I'm very busy so what can I do for you? He wheels himself behind a desk. The Dude sits facing him as Brandt withdraws. DUDE Well sir, it's this rug I have, really tied the room together- LEBOWSKI You told Brandt on the phone, he told me. So where do I fit in? DUDE Well they were looking for you, these two guys, they were trying to-- LEBOWSKI I'll say it again, all right? You told Brandt. He told me. I know what happened. Yes? Yes? DUDE So you know they were trying to piss on your rug-- LEBOWSKI Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE You mean, did you personally come and pee on my-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? I'll say it again. Did I urinate on your rug? DUDE Well no, like I said, Woo peed on the rug-- LEBOWSKI Hello! Hello! So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- DUDE Come on, man, I'm not trying to scam anybody here, I'm just-- LEBOWSKI You're just looking for a handout like every other--are you employed, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Lebowski; you're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing-- LEBOWSKI Are you employed, sir? DUDE Employed? LEBOWSKI You don't go out and make a living dressed like that in the middle of a weekday. DUDE Is this a--what day is this? LEBOWSKI But I do work, so if you don't mind-- DUDE No, look. I do mind. The Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this will not stand, man. I mean, if your wife owes-- LEBOWSKI My wife is not the issue here. I hope that my wife will someday learn to live on her allowance, which is ample, but if she doesn't, sir, that will be her problem, not mine, just as your rug is your problem, just as every bum's lot in life is his own responsibility regardless of whom he chooses to blame. I didn't blame anyone for the loss of my legs, some chinaman in Korea took them from me but I went out and achieved anyway. I can't solve your problems, sir, only you can. The Dude rises. DUDE Ah fuck it. LEBOWSKI Sure! Fuck it! That's your answer! Tattoo it on your forehead! Your answer to everything! The Dude is heading for the door. LEBOWSKI Your "revolution" is over, Mr. Lebowski! Condolences! The bums lost! As the Dude opens the door. LEBOWSKI ...My advice is, do what your parents did! Get a job, sir! The bums will always lose-- do you hear me, Lebowski? THE BUMS WILL ALWAYS-- The Dude shuts the door on the old man's bellowing to find himself-- HALLWAY --in a high coffered hallway. Brandt is approaching. BRANDT How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house. WALKWAY A houseman with a rolled-up carpet on one shoulder goes down a stone walk that winds through the back lawn, past a swimming pool to a garage. Brandt and the Dude follow. BRANDT Manolo will load it into your car for you, uh, Dude. DUDE It's the LeBaron. DUDE'S POINT OF VIEW Tracking toward the pool. A young woman sits facing it, her back to us, leaning forward to paint her toenails. Beyond her a black form floats in an inflatable chair in the pool. BRANDT Well, enjoy, and perhaps we'll see you again some time, Dude. DUDE Yeah sure, if I'm ever in the neighborhood, need to use the john. CLOSER TRACK Arcing around the woman's foot as she finishes painting the nails emerald green. THE DUDE Looking. WIDER The young woman looks up at him. She is in her early twenties. She leans back and extends her leg toward the Dude. YOUNG WOMAN Blow on them. The Dude pulls his sunglasses down his nose and peeks over them. DUDE Huh? She waggles her foot and giggles. YOUNG WOMAN G'ahead. Blow. The Dude tentatively grabs hold of her extended foot. DUDE You want me to blow on your toes? YOUNG WOMAN Uh-huh. . . I can't blow that far. The Dude looks over at the pool. DUDE You sure he won't mind? The man bobbing in the inflatable chair is passed out. He is thin, in his thirties, with long stringy blond hair. He wears black leather pants and a black leather jacket, open, shirtless, exposing fine blond chest hair and pale skin. One arm trails off into the water; next to it, an empty whiskey bottle bobs. YOUNG WOMAN Dieter doesn't care about anything. He's a nihilist. DUDE Practicing? The young woman smiles. YOUNG WOMAN You're not blowing. Brandt nervously takes the Dude by the elbow. BRANDT Our guest has to be getting along, Mrs. Lebowski. The Dude grudgingly allows himself to be led away, still looking at the young woman. DUDE You're Bunny? BUNNY I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars. Brandt releases a gale of forced laughter: BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha! Wonderful woman. Very free-spirited. We're all very fond of her. BUNNY Brandt can't watch though. Or he has to pay a hundred. BRANDT Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's marvelous. He continues to lead away the Dude, who looks back over his SHOULDER: DUDE I'm just gonna find a cash machine. BOWLING PINS Scattered by a strike. THE BOWLERS Donny calls out from the bench: DONNY Grasshopper Dude--They're dead in the water!! As the Dude walks back to the scoring table he turns to another team in black bowling shirts--the Cavaliers--that shares the lane. DUDE Your maples, Carl. Walter, just arriving, is carrying a leatherette satchel in one hand and a large plastic carrier in the other. WALTER Way to go, Dude. If you will it, it is no dream. DUDE You're fucking twenty minutes late. What the fuck is that? WALTER Theodore Herzel. DUDE Huh? WALTER State of Israel. If you will it, Dude, it is no-- DUDE What the fuck're you talking about? The carrier. What's in the fucking carrier? WALTER Huh? Oh--Cynthia's Pomeranian. Can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. DUDE What the fuck are you-- WALTER I'm saying, Cynthia's Pomeranian. I'm looking after it while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii. DUDE You brought a fucking Pomeranian bowling? WALTER What do you mean "brought it bowling"? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not gonna take your fucking turn, Dude. He lets the small yapping dog out of the carrier. It scoots around the bowling table, sniffing at bowlers and wagging its tail. DUDE Hey, man, if my fucking ex-wife asked me to take care of her fucking dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu, I'd tell her to go fuck herself. Why can't she board it? WALTER First of all, Dude, you don't have an ex, secondly, it's a fucking show dog with fucking papers. You can't board it. It gets upset, its hair falls out. DUDE Hey man-- WALTER Fucking dog has papers, Dude.--Over the line! Smokey turns from his last roll to look at Walter. WALTER Smokey Huh? WALTER Over the line, Smokey! I'm sorry. That's a foul. SMOKEY Bullshit. Eight, Dude. WALTER Excuse me! Mark it zero. Next frame. SMOKEY Bullshit. Walter! WALTER This is not Nam. This is bowling. There are rules. DUDE Come on Walter, it's just--it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, it's just a game. WALTER This is a league game. This determines who enters the next round- robin, am I wrong? SMOKEY Yeah, but-- WALTER Am I wrong!? SMOKEY Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker, Dude, I'm marking it an eight. Walter takes out a gun. WALTER Smokey my friend, you're entering a world of pain. DUDE Hey Walter-- WALTER Mark that frame an eight, you're entering a world of pain. SMOKEY I'm not-- WALTER A world of pain. A manager in a bowling-shirt style uniform is running for a phone. SMOKEY Look Dude, I don't hold with this. This guy is your partner, you should-- Walter primes the gun and points it at his head. WALTER HAS THE WHOLE WORLD GONE CRAZY? AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE RULES? MARK IT ZERO! The Pomeranian is excitedly yapping at Walter's elbow, making high body-twisting tail-wagging leaps. DUDE Walter, they're calling the cops, put the piece away. WALTER MARK IT ZERO! SMOKEY Walter-- WALTER YOU THINK I'M FUCKING AROUND HERE? MARK IT ZERO!! SMOKEY All right! There it is! It's fucking zero! He points frantically at the score projected above the lane. SMOKEY You happy, you crazy fuck? WALTER This is a league game, Smokey! PARKING LOT Walter and the Dude walk to the Dude's car. The Pomeranian trots happily behind Walter who totes the empty carrier. DUDE Walter, you can't do that. These guys're like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector. WALTER You know Dude, I myself dabbled with pacifism at one point. Not in Nam, of course-- DUDE And you know Smokey has emotional problems! WALTER You mean--beyond pacifism? DUDE He's fragile, man! He's very fragile! As the two men get into the car: WALTER Huh. I did not know that. Well, it's water under the bridge. And we do enter the next round-robin, am I wrong? DUDE No, you're not wrong-- WALTER Am I wrong! DUDE You're not wrong, Walter, you're just an asshole. They watch a squad car take a squealing turn into the lot. WALTER Okay then. We play Quintana and O'Brien next week. They'll be pushovers. DUDE Just, just take it easy, Walter. WALTER That's your answer to everything, Dude. And let me point out--pacifism is not--look at our current situation with that camelfucker in Iraq-- pacifism is not something to hide behind. DUDE Well, just take 't easy, man. WALTER I'm perfectly calm, Dude. DUDE Yeah? Wavin' a gun around?! WALTER (smugly) Calmer than you are. -his irritates the Dude further. DUDE Just take it easy, man! Walter is still smug. WALTER Calmer than you are. DUDE'S HOUSE A large, brilliant Persian rug lies beneath the Dude's beat- up old furniture. At the table next to the answering machine the Dude is mixing kalhua, rum and milk. VOICE Dude, this is Smokey. Look, I don't wanna be a hard-on about this, and I know it wasn't your fault, but I just thought it was fair to tell you that Gene and I will be submitting this to the League and asking them to set aside the round. Or maybe forfeit it to us-- DUDE Shit! VOICE --so, like I say, just thought, you know, fair warning. Tell Walter. A beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Brandt at, uh, well--at Mr. Lebowski's office. Please call us as soon as is convenient. Beep. ANOTHER VOICE Mr. Lebowski, this is Fred Dynarski with the Southern Cal Bowling League. I just got a, an informal report, uh, that a uh, a member of your team, uh, Walter Sobchak, drew a loaded weapon during league play-- We hear the doorbell. THE DOOR It swings open to reveal a short, hairy, muscular but balding middle-aged man in a black T-shirt and black cut-off jeans. DUDE Hiya Allan. ALLAN Dude, I finally got the venue I wanted. I'm Performing my dance quintet--you know, my cycle--at Crane Jackson's Fountain Street Theatre on Tuesday night, and I'd love it if you came and gave me notes. The Dude takes a swig of his kalhua. DUDE Sure Allan, I'll be there. ALLAN Dude, uh, tomorrow is already the tenth. DUDE Yeah, yeah I know. Okay. ALLAN Just, uh, just slip the rent under my door. DUDE Yeah, okay. BACK IN THE LIVING ROOM The voice continues on the machine. VOICE --serious infraction, and examine your standing. Thank you. Beep. VOICE Mr. Lebowski, Brandt again. Please do call us when you get in and I'll send the limo. Let me assure you--I hope you're not avoiding this call because of the rug, which, I assure you, is not a problem. We need your help and, uh--well we would very much like to see you. Thank you. It's Brandt. TRACKING We are pushing Brandt down the high-ceilinged hallway. Distantly, we hear a dolorous soprano. Brandt talks back over HIS SHOULDER: BRANDT We've had some terrible news. Mr. Lebowski is in seclusion in the West Wing. DUDE Huh. Brandt throws open a pair of heavy double doors. The music washes over us as we enter a great study where Jeffrey Lebowski, a blanket thrown over his knees, stares hauntedly into a fire, listening to Lohengrin. BRANDT ANNOUNCES, AMBIGUOUSLY: BRANDT Mr. Lebowski. Jeffrey Lebowski waves the Dude in without looking around. LEBOWSKI It's funny. I can look back on a life of achievement, on challenges met, competitors bested, obstacles overcome. I've accomplished more than most men, and without the use of my legs. What. . . What makes a man, Mr. Lebowski? DUDE Dude. LEBOWSKI Huh? DUDE I don't know, sir. LEBOWSKI Is it. . . is it, being prepared to do the right thing? Whatever the price? Isn't that what makes a man? DUDE Sure. That and a pair of testicles. Lebowski turns away from the Dude with a haunted stare, lost in thought. LEBOWSKI You're joking. But perhaps you're right. The Dude thumps at his chest pocket. DUDE Mind if I smoke a jay? LEBOWSKI Bunny. He turns back around and the firelight shows teartracks on his cheeks. DUDE 'Scuse me? LEBOWSKI Bunny Lebowski. . . She is the light of my life. Are you surprised at my tears, sir? DUDE Fuckin' A. LEBOWSKI Strong men also cry. . . Strong men also cry. He clears his throat. LEBOWSKI I received this fax this morning. Brandt hastily pulls a flimsy sheet from his clipboard and hands it to the Dude. LEBOWSKI As you can see, it is a ransom note. Sent by cowards. Men who are unable to achieve on a level field of play. Men who will not sign their names. Weaklings. Bums. THE DUDE EXAMINES THE FAX: WE HAVE BUNNY. GATHER ONE MILLION DOLLARS IN UNMARKED NON- CONSECUTIVE TWENTIES. AWAIT INSTRUCTIONS. NO FUNNY STUFF. DUDE Bummer. Lebowski looks soulfully at the Dude. LEBOWSKI Brandt will fill you in on the details. He wheels his chair around to once again gaze into the fire. Brandt tugs at the Dude's

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

workers

How many times the word 'workers' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

guarjira

How many times the word 'guarjira' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

duffel

How many times the word 'duffel' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 'star' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

airstrip

How many times the word 'airstrip' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

dissolving

How many times the word 'dissolving' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

pointe

How many times the word 'pointe' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 'y' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 'book' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

dozens

How many times the word 'dozens' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 'dvd' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 'au' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 's' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

harvest

How many times the word 'harvest' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 'quick' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

before

How many times the word 'before' appears in the text?

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Search IMSDb Alphabetical # A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Genre Action Adventure Animation Comedy Crime Drama Family Fantasy Film-Noir Horror Musical Mystery Romance Sci-Fi Short Thriller War Western Sponsor TV Transcripts Futurama Seinfeld South Park Stargate SG-1 Lost The 4400 International French scripts Movie Software Rip from DVD Rip Blu-Ray Latest Comments Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10 Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10 Batman Begins9/10 Collateral10/10 Jackie Brown8/10 Movie Chat Message Yell ! ALL SCRIPTS if (window!= top) top.location.href=location.href // --> Blow ON BLACK: "A MAN MUST LOOK AT HIS LIFE AND THINK LUXURY." FADE IN: EXT. GUARJIRA, COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A majestic panorama of the lush green slopes that are the Columbian highlands. A faint chopping sound IS HEARD and then another. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. The view changes and tiny dots appear on the hillside vegetation. WHOOSH. CLOSER We realize the dots are people. Workers swinging long steel machetes in slow methodical rhythm. WHOOSH. WHOOSH. WE SEE the South American Indian MEN clearly now. Their tar stained teeth. Their gaunt faces riddled with crow's feet. Their jaws chewing away on huge wads of coca leaves as they collect the harvest. EXT. DIRT ROAD - COLOMBIA - DAY Old rickety trucks carrying the huge green tractor-sized bales speed along the narrow road. EXT. CLEARING - COLOMBIA - DAY The bundles are undone and Columbian women separate out the leaves. Tribes of underweight workers carry armload after armload of the harvest and ritualistically dump them into a gigantic cannibal pot which sits on top of a raging bonfire. The leaves are being boiled down and a huge plume of smoke streaks the sky. Wizened Indios brave the heat and shovel ashes into the pot to cool the solution. INT. JUNGLE - COLOMBIA - DAY A primitive but enormous makeshift lab contains all the equipment. The machinery. The solutions. The over-sized vats. Dark-skinned bandoleros smoke cigarettes and sport automatic weapons at all the points of entry. The coca is now a "basuco" paste and is being sent in for a wash. INT. LABORATORY - COLOMBIA - 1989 - DAY A conveyor belt pours out brick after brick of pure cocaine hydrochloride. The bricks are wrapped, tied up, weighed, and stamped with a "P" before being thrown into duffel bags. EXT. JUNGLE AIRSTRIP - COLOMBIA - DAY A small twin-engine Cessna is loaded with dozens of duffel bags and the plane takes off. EXT. VERO BEACH AIRFIELD - NIGHT The Cessna touches down. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. EXT. WORKSITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY The worksite is busy. George is amongst other workers, working a summer job. As George is taking five, he looks across the sight to Fred, who is sweeping up debris. A long way from being the boss. INT. COLLEGE ADMISSIONS OFFICE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George stands in line to register for college, wearing his Brooks Brothers suit, bowtie, and freshly Bryllcreamed hair. The room is crowded and the line is long. Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues" blares out of one of the kid's transistor radios. George looks around the room. He is uncomfortable. He catches his reflection in the shiny glass partition and stops. He doesn't like what he sees. Something is not right. He looks like everyone else. Same cookie-cutter hair, same cookie-cutter clothes, same cookie cutter faces. He's a carbon copy. REGISTRATION WOMAN Next. It's George's turn but he doesn't hear it. "Twenty years of schooling and they put you on a day shift." The words hit him like a tone of bricks as he continues to stare at his own reflection. GEORGE (V.O.) I was standing there, and it was like the outside of me and the inside of me didn't match, you know? And then I looked around the room and it hit me. I saw my whole life. Where I was gonna live, what type of car I'd drive, who my neighbors would be. I saw it all and I didn't want it. Not that life. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE - WEYMOUTH - 1966 - DAY George sits with Fred. It's breaktime and Fred eats from a lunch box. GEORGE There's something out there for me, Dad. Something different. Something free form, you know? Something for me, and college just isn't it. FRED That's too bad. You would have been the first one in the family. GEORGE I know. FRED Alright. You want me to get your old job back? Because I could, you know, I could put in that word. GEORGE No, Dad. I don't want to...I mean, I just don't want... It's obvious to Fred that his son doesn't want to be like him. FRED What are you going to do? GEORGE I'm going to California. EXT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY SUPERIMPOSE: MANHATTAN BEACH, CALIFORNIA 1968 George and Tuna, now 21-years old, struggle with their bags. Their new place is a tackily furnished, two-story apartment with small balconies and a view of the ocean. As George and Tuna struggle with the bags, two California beauties appear on the balcony next door: BARBARA BUCKLEY, 20, and MARIA GONZALES, 21. GIRLS You guys need some help? George and Tuna share a look. TUNA I don't know about you, but I think we're gonna like it here. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Barbara and Maria introduce George and Tuna around to the Manhattan Beach regulars. They are immediately accepted despite their ill fitting shorts and Tuna's unhip black socks. The beach scene is one big party. Lots of beer, music, bikinis, and good times. By the end of the day, George and Tuna have a hundred new friends. GEORGE (V.O.) California was like nothing I'd ever experienced. The people were liberated and independent and full of new ideas. GEORGE (V.O.) (CONT'D) They used words like "right on," "groovy," and "solid." The women are all beautiful and seemed to share the same occupation. WOMAN #1 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #2 I'm a flight attendant. WOMAN #3 I'm a flight attendant. The weed comes out and is passed around. Pipes. Joints. Bongs. In SLOW MOTION, Barbara takes a huge hit of grass, grabs George's face, french kissing him, and giving him a huge shotgun. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George and Barbara are sleeping late. Their bodies intertwined beneath the sheets. A slam of the front door wakes them up. It's Tuna. TUNA Hey, wake up. Come on, you two lovebirds. Hurry, I want to show you something. George and Barbara shake cobwebs out and stumble into the kitchen to find Tuna holding a brown paper shopping bag. TUNA (CONT'D) Figured it out. GEORGE Figured what out? TUNA You know how we were wondering what we were going to do for money? Being how we don't want to get jobs and whatnot? Well, check this out. Tuna takes the paper bag and empties its contents on the kitchen table. It's a grey mound of stocky, seedy marijuana. Barbara examines the reefer. BARBARA Tuna, this is crap. TUNA I know it's not the greatest. It's commercial. BARBARA It's garbage. GEORGE It's oregano. You got ripped off, pal. What are you gonna do with all this? TUNA We sell it. I got it all figured out. We make three finger lids and sell them on the beach. We move all of it. We've made ourselves a hundred bucks. Or a lot of weed for our head. What do you think? Not bad, huh? I got the baggies and everything. BARBARA You can't sell this to your friends. TUNA Man. Fuck you guys. I have this great idea and you guys have to be all skeptical. BARBARA Look, if you really wanna score some dope, I got the guy. EXT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara and Tuna stop outside the front door. GEORGE Are you sure this guy is cool? BARBARA You'll see for yourself. TUNA A beauty parlor for men? Sounds pretty queer. They walk in. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - CONTINUOUS George, Tuna and Barbara enter. The Whipping Post is California's first male hair salon. George looks around at the customer's being pampered. Haircuts, pedicures, manicures. GEORGE Nothing like this back home. BARBARA Derek! DEREK FOREAL is a curious man. Daringly effeminate, especially for the sixties, he is always surrounded by beautiful women. As he sees Barbara, he stops his haircut and runs to embrace her. DEREK Barbie! Derek's female entourage rush over as well. Kisses all around. DEREK (CONT'D) So, this is the new man, huh? He's cute! George and Tuna stick out there hands. GEORGE George. TUNA Tuna. DEREK Tuna, oh my. Enchante, George. Barbie, he's yummy. He looks like a Ken doll. Oooh, Ken and Barbie. It's perfect. Alright, girls, give me five minutes. Derek makes dismissing gestures and the girls scatter. DEREK (CONT'D) Everyone, shoo! You, too, Barbie. I want to talk to the boys alone. After the girls leave, Derek closes the partition and his playful demeanor changes. He's all business now. DEREK (CONT'D) What can I do for you guys? GEORGE We want some grass. DEREK I know what you want. But, first of all, are you cops? GEORGE No. DEREK Because if you are, you have to tell me. If not, it's entrapment. GEORGE We're not cops. We're from Massachusettes. I mean, does he look like a cop? DEREK I guess not. Okay. You know, you're very lucky you're friends of Barbie's. If you weren't, I'd never talk to you. Derek pulls a television-sized brick of quality marijuana out from under a sink and sets it down in front of George. GEORGE What the fuck is that? DEREK It's your grass. TUNA Wow. That's more than we had in mind. DEREK I don't nickel and dime. You want it or not? George and Tuna look at each other. GEORGE We'll take it. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY SERIES OF SHOTS Summer on the beach. It's one big party. George and Tuna are on the beach. They are the new kings. They smoke pot and drink brews. George and Barbara get close as do Tuna and Maria. Slowly, George's clothes and hair start to look better, cooler. George and Tuna hanging out with the SURFERS. George and Tuna hang with Barbara, Maria and SOME GIRLFRIENDS in bikinis. George and Barbara hang together at the life guard stand. George and Tuna on the strand with HIPPY PROFESSORS selling half-ounces. Derek, Tuna, George, Barbara, Maria and the Elves play volleyball. Barbecue at Belmont Shores apartment with George, Barbara, Derek, Tuna, Maria and different Elves. George and Tuna sell half-ounces to BIKERS. Derek is having a party out of a mini-van in the beach parking lot. George, Barbara, Tuna and Maria are there. EXT. MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - SUNSET George and Barbara sit by the water, watching the waves crash into the sand. The sky is streaked with purple and red. GEORGE This is it for me. BARBARA What is? GEORGE Just everything. You. California. The beach. This spot right here. I feel like I belong here, you know? It just feels right. BARBARA You happy, baby? GEORGE Yeah. I am. INT. BELMONT SHORES APARTMENT - 1968 - DAY George walks in to find Tuna and Maria sitting with KEVIN DULLI, an old friend from back east. He's sitting in front of a water pipe and coughing his ass off. TUNA Look what the cat dragged in. GEORGE Holy shit, Dulli. What the hell are you doing here? KEVIN Well, I'll tell you. I was walking down the beach, minding my business, when who did I see but this fucking guy. I didn't know you guys were living in California. GEORGE Yeah, but what are you doing out here? KEVIN I'm on vacation. On my way back to school. GEORGE This calls for a joint. You want to do the honors? KEVIN No, man. I'm too fucked up. TUNA Nice weed, huh? KEVIN Fuck yeah. I never seen nothing like it. I'm fucking wasted. GEORGE Right on. KEVIN G-d, I'm stoned. I'm stoned. I'm really... GEORGE Stoned? KEVIN I wish there was shit like this back home. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN Shit, yeah. Do you know how much money I could make if I had this stuff back east? TUNA No shit, Kevin? KEVIN That's right. GEORGE Yeah? KEVIN When there's something to move, it's too easy not to. Do you know how many colleges are in a twenty mile radius? U. Mass, Amherst, B.U.... TUNA Smith. Hampshire.... KEVIN Right. And Holyoke. There are a hundred thousand rich kids with their parents' money to spend, but there's never anything available. Nothing good, anyway. I'm paying four hundred dollars for shit. INT. THE WHIPPING POST - MANHATTAN BEACH - 1968 - DAY Derek, George and Barbara sit around. The blinds are drawn. GEORGE The way we figure it, Barbara flies to Boston twice a week. Two bags per flight. Twenty-five pounds in each bag. DEREK You're kidding, right? That's a hundred pounds a week. GEORGE Yeah, I know, it's a lot of weight. BARBARA We're gonna call it California sinsemilla. Sounds exotic. GEORGE I'm telling you, Derek, it will sell. DEREK I don't know... GEORGE Here's the best part. We can charge five-hundred a pound. DEREK Come on, George, no one is going to pay that. GEORGE It's already been negotiated. It's done. The money is there waiting. Derek looks at Barbara. She nods. DEREK Goodness. GEORGE Goodness is right. If you do the math, that's over thirty grand a week profit. I want you to be my partner on this, Derek. Fifty-fifty. That's fifteen thousand a week for you, my friend. In your pocket, free and clear. DEREK And I only deal with you? GEORGE Barbara and me. No one else. Derek thinks about it. BARBARA It's gonna work, Derek. DEREK I don't know. East coast. Airplanes. It all sounds pretty risky. GEORGE She's a flight attendant. They don't check her bags. EXT. LOS ANGELES INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY George drops Barbara off in her uniform curbside. They kiss and she walks away with two big, red Samsonites. She checks them with a SKYCAP and tips him. EXT. SKY - 1968 - DAY A huge jet goes right to left through frame. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 - DAY Barbara is greeted by KEVIN DULLI with a hug. A baggage claim check is slipped into Kevin's hand. BARBARA Any message? KEVIN Keep it coming. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - BAGGAGE CLAIM - BOSTON - 1968 We see Barbara's two red Samsonites being taken off the belt by Kevin. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 Same scene repeated, except different clothes on all. Maybe Kevin is dressed a little better. KEVIN More. INT. LOGAN AIRPORT - GATE - BOSTON - 1968 The same scene repeated, same things changed again; now Kevin is definitely dressed a little better. KEVIN I need more. BARBARA What do you want me to do? I can only take two bags, and I can't fly back here everyday. KEVIN I know, but I've got a feeding frenzy on my hands. Tell George this is small potatoes. We're missing out on some serious cash. You tell George. He'll think of something. EXT. WINNEBAGO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE: Tuna drives the big Winny. Maria rides shotgun. Barrelling cross-country, it's a party on wheels. EXT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - NIGHT Kevin and his girl, RADA, are the welcoming committee as the RV pulls into the parking lot. They wave, slap the sides of the Winnebago, and greet the prodigal sons with hugs and handshakes. INT. WHITE OAK LODGE - AMHERST - 1968 - LATER George's room is rustic and plush. A log fire burns and empty champagne bottles adorn the surroundings. The girls have taken to each other. The music is loud, and they dance while the boys do business. Kevin counts out the money. It's stacked in piles all over the table. KEVIN Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, nine. Twenty, forty, sixty, eighty, a thousand. It's all there. Wow. A hundred and twenty-eight thousand dollars. TUNA Jesus Christ, I'm getting a boner just looking at it. But George isn't paying attention. His wheels are turning. KEVIN What's the matter, George? Something wrong? You look like you just fucked your mother. TUNA Cheer up, man. Half this money is ours. We're fucking rich. GEORGE It's not enough. KEVIN What? TUNA What the fuck are you talking about, man? GEORGE The set-up is wrong. We're doing all the legwork, and at the end of the day, we're still paying retail. We're getting middled. KEVIN So? GEORGE So, we need to get to the source. TUNA Source? What about Derek? GEORGE He's getting middled, too. And Derek's our partner. What's good for us is good for him. KEVIN Okay. So we need a source. Where do we start? GEORGE Who speaks Spanish? EXT. PUERTO VALLARTA - MEXICO - 1968 - DAY MUSIC CUE. SUPERIMPOSE: PUERTO VALLARTA, MEXICO We PAN OFF the beautiful waters of Puerto Vallarta. This is a local beach on a Saturday afternoon. The girls on the beach are drinking coco-locos and swimming. SERIES OF SHOTS - THE GANG LOOKING FOR A CONNECTION George with a bartender. Tuna and Dulli with cabbies. George and Derek talking with a local man, RAMON, at a corner bar. Barbara, Maria and Rada talk with local girls. EXT. OCEANA BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY TUNA This is bullshit, George. We're never going to find anything down there. KEVIN You know, he's got a point. We're fucking Americans. We stick out like sore thumbs. DEREK I don't think so. GEORGE You guys are such babies. You want to go home, go. Me, I'm not going to stop until I find the fucking motherlode. RADA Georgie, we're gonna get busted if we keep this up. GEORGE We're not gonna get busted. KEVIN George, we'll wind up in a Mexican prison getting fucked up the ass by one of Maria's relatives. MARIA Hey, fuck you, Dulli. I'm not Mexican. I'm Italian. BARBARA You're Italian? KEVIN Yeah, right. Gonzales. What is that, Sicilian? TUNA As far as I'm concerned, we're on fucking vacation. He grabs Maria, runs and does a huge belly-flop into the water. They all laugh. SERIES OF SHOTS. George and Barbara with local musicians on the beach. George and Derek at a cab stand. George talks with a bellboy in the lobby of a local hotel. INT. COCOS FRIOS BAR - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George, Barbara, Tuna, Derek, Maria, Kevin, and Rada are at the bar. Ramon comes up to George, they briefly discuss and George follows him out of the bar. EXT. STREETS - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY George and Ramon climb into a beat up V.W. bug and take off. EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - PUERTO VALLARTA - 1968 - DAY Fields and Farms. The V.W. bug pulls up to an old ranch. They get out of the bug and are greeted by SANTIAGO and his THREE SONS. SANTIAGO Ramon tells me you are looking for some mota. GEORGE Yes, I am. Santiago moves to a tarp and pulls it back to reveal many bales of green, seedless sinsemilla. SANTIAGO For instance, something like this? GEORGE Very nice. I'll take it. SANTIAGO Ha ha ha. You are funny. Really, how much will you be needing? GEORGE All of it. As much as you've got. A couples thousand pounds. I'll be back in a week with a plane. SANTIAGO Listen, Americano, it is very nice to meet you, but maybe we are going too fast. You take a little and then come back. GEORGE I don't need a little. I need a lot. SANTIAGO Marijuana is illegal in my country, and I believe in yours, as well. We must be careful. GEORGE What if I brought you, let's say, fifty thousand dollars? Would that eliminate some of your concerns? SANTIAGO Amigo, you bring me fifty-thousand dollars, and I have no more concerns. EXT. SANTA MONICA AIRPORT - 1968 - DAY A pair of boltcutters snaps the chain off a single-engine Cessna. TUNA I can't believe we're stealing a plane. KEVIN Don't be such a pussy. GEORGE It's fine. We're not stealing it. We're borrowing it. And try to look natural. We've got company. A MECHANIC working on the adjacent plane is giving them the hairy eyeball. GEORGE (CONT'D) Be cool. The three boys nod their heads in acknowledgement and give a small wave. The mechanic smiles and waves back. INT. CESSNA - 1968 - DAY The

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How many times the word 'imsdb' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

oit

How many times the word 'oit' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

night

How many times the word 'night' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

tries

How many times the word 'tries' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

montagne

How many times the word 'montagne' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

breakfast

How many times the word 'breakfast' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

glass

How many times the word 'glass' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

copy

How many times the word 'copy' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

signed

How many times the word 'signed' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

autour

How many times the word 'autour' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

height

How many times the word 'height' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

answer

How many times the word 'answer' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

sound

How many times the word 'sound' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

usher

How many times the word 'usher' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

chaise

How many times the word 'chaise' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

empty

How many times the word 'empty' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

skating

How many times the word 'skating' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

gathers

How many times the word 'gathers' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

lass

How many times the word 'lass' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

roller

How many times the word 'roller' appears in the text?

Both copies, please. He withdraws the top copy barely enough to expose the signature line on the supposed duplicate. DIETRICHSON Sign twice, huh? NEFF One is the agent's copy. I need it for my files. DIETRICHSON (In a mutter) Files. Duplicates. Triplicates. Dietrichson grunts and signs again. Again Neff and Phyllis exchange a quick glance. NEFF No hurry about the check, Mr. Dietrichson. I can pick it up at your office some morning. Casually Neff lifts the briefcase and signed applications off Dietrichson's lap. DIETRICHSON How much you taking me for? NEFF One forty-seven fifty, Mr. Dietrichson. Dietrichson stands up. He is about Neff's height but a little heavier. PHYLLIS I guess that's enough insurance for one evening, Mr. Neff. DIETRICHSON Plenty. Dietrichson has poured some more whisky into his glass. He tries the siphon but it is empty. He gathers up his coat and tie and picks up his glass. DIETRICHSON Good night, Mr. Neff. Neff is zipping up his briefcase. NEFF Good night, Mr. Dietrichson. Good night, Mrs. Dietrichson. DIETRICHSON Bring me some soda when you come up, Phyllis. Dietrichson trundles off towards the archway. PHYLLIS (To Neff) I think you left your hat in the hall. Phyllis leads the way and Neff goes after her, his briefcase under his arm. B-3 HALLWAY DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Phyllis enters through the living room archway with Neff behind her. She leads him towards the door. On the way he picks up his hat. In the BACKGROUND Dietrichson begins to ascend the stairs, carrying his coat and glass. Phyllis and Neff move close to the door. They speak in very low voices. PHYLLIS All right, Walter? NEFF Fine. PHYLLIS He signed it, didn't he? NEFF Sure he signed it. You saw him. Phyllis opens the door a crack. Both look at the stairs, where Dietrichson is going up. Phyllis takes her hand off the doorknob and holds on to Neff's arm. NEFF (Looking up) Watch it, will you. Phyllis slowly drops her hand from his arm. Both look up as Dietrichson goes across the balcony and out of sight. NEFF Listen. That trip to Palo Alto When does he go? PHYLLIS End of the month. NEFF He drives, huh? PHYLLIS He always drives. NEFF Not this time. You're going to make him take the train. PHYLLIS Why? NEFF Because it's all worked out for a train. For a second they stand listening and looking up as if they had heard a sound. PHYLLIS It's all right. Go on, Walter. NEFF Look, baby. There's a clause in every accident policy, a little something called double indemnity. The insurance companies put it in as a sort of come-on for the customers. It means they pay double on certain accidents. The kind that almost never happen. Like for instance if a guy got killed on a train, they'd pay a hundred thousand instead of fifty. PHYLLIS I see. (Her eyes widen with excitement) NEFF We're hitting it for the limit, baby. That's why it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS It's going to be a train, Walter. Just the way you say. Straight down the line. They look at each other. The look is like a long kiss. Neff goes out. Slowly Phyllis closes the door and leans her head against it as she looks up the empty stairway. B-4 EXT. DIETRICHSON RESIDENCE - (NIGHT) Neff, briefcase under his arm, comes down the steps to the street, where his Dodge coupe is parked at the curb. He opens the door and stops, looking in. Sitting there in the dark corner of the car, away from the steering wheel, is Lola. She wears a coat but no hat. LOLA Hello, Mr. Neff. It's me. Lola gives him a sly smile. Neff is a little annoyed. NEFF Something the matter? LOLA I've been waiting for you. NEFF For me? What for? LOLA I thought you could let me ride with you, if you're going my way. Neff doesn't like the idea very much. NEFF Which way would that be? LOLA Down the hill. Down Vermont. NEFF (Remembering) Oh, sure. Vermont and Franklin. North- west corner, wasn't it? Be glad to, Miss Dietrichson. Neff gets into the car. B-5 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - (TRANSPARENCY) Neff puts the briefcase on the ledge behind the driver's seat. He closes the door and starts the car. They drift down the hill. NEFF Roller skating, eh? You like roller skating? LOLA I can take it or leave it. Neff looks at her curiously. Lola meets his glance. NEFF Only tonight you're leaving it? This is an embarrassing moment for Lola. LOLA Yes, I am. You see, Mr. Neff, I'm having a very tough time at home. My father doesn't understand me and Phyllis hates me. NEFF That does sound tough, all right. LOLA That's why I have to lie sometimes. NEFF You mean it's not Vermont and Franklin. LOLA It's Vermont and Franklin all right. Only it's not Anne Matthews. It's Nino Zachetti. You won't tell on me, will you? NEFF I'd have to think it over. LOLA Nino's not what my father says at all. He just had bad luck. He was doing pre-med at U.S.C. and working nights as an usher in a theater downtown. He got behind in his credits and flunked out. Then he lost his job for talking back. He's so hot- headed. NEFF That comes expensive, doesn't it? LOLA I guess my father thinks nobody's good enough for his daughter except maybe the guy that owns Standard Oil. Would you like a stick of gum? NEFF Never use it, thanks. Lola puts a stick of gum in her mouth. LOLA I can't give Nino up. I wish father could see it my way. NEFF It'll straighten out all right, Miss Dietrichson. LOLA I suppose it will sometime. (Looking out) This is the corner right here, Mr. Neff. Neff brings the car to a stop by the curb. LOLA There he is. By the bus stop. Neff looks out. B-6 CORNER VERMONT AND FRANKLIN - (NIGHT) Zachetti stands waiting, hands in trouser pockets. He is about twenty-five, Italian looking, open shirt, not well dressed. B-7 INT. COUPE - (NIGHT) - LOLA AND NEFF LOLA He needs a hair-cut, doesn't he. Look at him. No job, no car, no money, no prospects, no nothing. (Pause) I love him. She leans over and honks on the horn. LOLA (Calling) Nino! B-8 ZACHETTI He turns around and looks towards the car. LOLA'S VOICE Over here, Nino. Zachetti walks towards the car. B-9 THE COUPE Neff and Lola. She has opened the door. Zachetti comes up. LOLA This is Mr. Neff, Nino. NEFF Hello, Nino. ZACHETTI (Belligerent from the first word) The name is Zachetti. LOLA Nino. Please. Mr. Neff gave me a ride from the house. I told him all about us. ZACHETTI Why does he have to get told about us? LOLA We don't have to worry about Mr. Neff, Nino. ZACHETTI I'm not doing any worrying. Just don't you broadcast so much. LOLA What's the matter with you, Nino? He's a friend. ZACHETTI I don't have any friends. And if I did, I like to pick them myself. NEFF Look, sonny, she needed the ride and I brought her along. Is that anything to get tough about? ZACHETTI All right, Lola, make up your mind. Are you coming or aren't you? LOLA Of course I'm coming. Don't mind him, Mr. Neff. Lola steps out of the car. LOLA Thanks a lot. You've been very sweet. Lola catches up with Zachetti and they walk away together. B-10 INT. COUPE Neff looks after them. Slowly he puts the car in gear and drives on. His face is tight. Behind his head, light catches the metal of the zipper on the briefcase. Over the shot comes the COMMENTARY: NEFF'S VOICE She was a nice kid and maybe he was a little better than he sounded. I kind of hoped so for her sake, but right then it gave me a nasty feeling to be thinking about them at all, with that briefcase right behind my head and her father's application in it. Besides, I had other problems to work out. There were plans to make, and Phyllis had to be in on them... DISSOLVE TO: B-11 EXT. SUPER MARKET - (DAY) There is a fair amount of activity but the place is not crowded. Neff comes along the sidewalk into the shot. He passes in front of the fruit and vegetable display and goes between the stalls into the market. NEFF'S VOICE (Continued) ...but we couldn't be seen together any more and I had told her never to call me from her house and never to call me at my office. So we had picked out a big market on Los Feliz. She was to be there buying stuff every day about eleven o'clock, and I could run into her there. Kind of accidentally on purpose. B-12 INT. MARKET Neff stops by the cashier's desk and buys a pack of cigarettes. As he is opening the pack he looks back casually beyond the turnstile into the rear part of the market. B-13 ROWS OF HIGH SHELVES IN MARKET The shelves are loaded with canned goods and other merchandise. Customers move around selecting articles and putting them in their baskets. Phyllis is seen among them, standing by the soap section. Her basket is partly filled. She wears a simple house dress, no hat, and has a large envelope pocketbook under her arm. B-14 INT. MARKET Neff has spotted Phyllis. Without haste he passes through the turnstile towards the back. B-15 THE SHELVES Phyllis is putting a can of cleaning powder into her basket. Neff enters the shot and moves along the shelves towards her, very slowly, pretending to inspect the goods. A customer passes and goes on out of scene. Phyllis and Neff are now very close. During the ensuing low-spoken dialogue, they continue to face the shelves, not looking at each other PHYLLIS Walter. NEFF Not so loud. PHYLLIS I wanted to talk to you, Walter. Ever since yesterday. NEFF Let me talk first. It's all set. The accident policy came through. I've got it in my pocket. I got his check too. I saw him down in the oil fields. He thought he was paying for the auto insurance. The check's just made out to the company. It could be for anything. But you have to send a check for the auto insurance, see. It's all right that way, because one of the cars is yours. PHYLLIS But listen, Walter --- NEFF Quick, open your bag. She hesitates, then opens it. Neff looks around quickly, slips the policy out of his pocket and drops it into her bag. She snaps the bag shut. NEFF Can you get into his safe deposit box? PHYLLIS Yes. We both have keys. NEFF Fine. But don't put the policy in there yet. I'll tell you when. And listen, you never touched it or even saw it, understand? PHYLLIS I'm not a fool. NEFF Okay. When is he taking the train? PHYLLIS Walter, that's just it. He isn't going. NEFF What? PHYLLIS That's what I've been trying to tell you. The trip is off. NEFF What's happened? He breaks off as a short, squatty woman, pushing a child in a walker, comes into sight and approaches. She stops beside Neff, who is pretending to read a label on a can. Phyllis puts a few cakes of soap into her basket. WOMAN (To Neff) Mister, could you reach me that can of coffee? (She points) That one up there. NEFF (Reaching up) This one? She nods. Neff reaches a can down from the high shelf and hands it to her. WOMAN I don't see why they always have to put what I want on the top shelf. She moves away with her coffee and her child. Out of the corner of his eye Neff watches her go. He moves closer to Phyllis again. NEFF Go ahead. I'm listening. PHYLLIS He had a fall down at the well. He broke his leg. It's in a cast. NEFF That knocks it on the head all right. PHYLLIS What do we do, Walter? NEFF Nothing. Just wait. PHYLLIS Wait for what? NEFF Until he can take a train. I told you it's got to be a train. PHYLLIS We can't wait. I can't go on like this. NEFF We're not going to grab a hammer and do it quick, just to get it over with. PHYLLIS There are other ways. NEFF Only we're not going to do it other ways. PHYLLIS But we can't leave it like this. What do you think would happen if he found out about this accident policy? NEFF Plenty. But not as bad as sitting in that death-house. PHYLLIS Don't ever talk like that, Walter. NEFF Just don't let's start losing our heads. PHYLLIS It's not our heads. It's our nerve we're losing. NEFF We're going to do it right. That's all I said. PHYLLIS Walter maybe it's my nerves. It's the waiting that gets me. NEFF It's getting me just as bad, baby. But we've got to wait. PHYLLIS Maybe we have, Walter. Only it's so tough without you. It's like a wall between us. Neff looks at his watch. NEFF Good-bye baby. I'm thinking of you every minute. He goes off. She stares after him. DISSOLVE TO: B-16 NEFF'S OFFICE - (DAY) He is wearing a light grey suit and has his hat on. He is standing behind his desk opening some mail, taking a few papers out of his briefcase, checking something in his rate book, making a quick telephone call. But nothing of this is heard. NEFF'S VOICE After that a full week went by and I didn't see her once. I tried to keep my mind off her and off the whole idea. I kept telling myself that maybe those fates they say watch over you had gotten together and broken his leg to give me a way out. Then it was the fifteenth of June. You may remember that date, Keyes. I do too, only for a very different reason. You came into my office around three in the afternoon... Keyes enters with some papers in his hand. NEFF Hello, Keyes. KEYES I just came from Norton's office. The semi-annual sales records are out. You're high man, Walter. That's twice in a row. Congratulations. NEFF Thanks. How would you like a cheap drink? KEYES How would you like a fifty dollar cut in salary? NEFF How would I -- Do I laugh now, or wait until it gets funny? KEYES I'm serious, Walter. I've been talking to Norton. There's too much stuff piling up on my desk. Too much pressure on my nerves. I spend half the night walking up and down in my bed. I've got to have an assistant. I thought that you -- NEFF Me? Why pick on me? KEYES Because I've got a crazy idea you might be good at the job. NEFF That's crazy all right. I'm a salesman. KEYES Yeah. A peddler, a glad-hander, a back-slapper. You're too good to be a salesman. NEFF Nobody's too good to be a salesman. KEYES Phooey. All you guys do is ring door- bells and dish out a smooth line of monkey talk. What's bothering you is that fifty buck cut, isn't it? NEFF That'd bother anybody. KEYES Look, Walter. The job I'm talking about takes brains and integrity. It takes more guts than there is in fifty salesman. It's the hottest job in the business. NEFF It's still a desk job. I don't want a desk job. KEYES A desk job. Is that all you can see in it? Just a hard chair to park your pants on from nine to five. Just a pile of papers to shuffle around, and five sharp pencils and a scratch pad to make figures on, with maybe a little doodling on the side. That's not the way I see it, Walter. To me a claims man is a surgeon, and that desk is an operating table, and those pencils are scalpels and bone chisels. And those papers are not just forms and statistics and claims for compensation. They're alive, they're packed with drama, with twisted hopes and crooked dreams. A claims man, Walter, is a doctor and a blood-hound and a cop and a judge and a jury and a father confessor, all in one. The telephone rings on Neff's desk. Automatically Keyes grabs the phone and answers. KEYES Who? Okay, hold the line. He puts the phone down on the desk and continues to Neff: KEYES And you want to tell me you're not interested. You don't want to work with your brains. All you want to work with is your finger on a door- bell. For a few bucks more a week. There's a dame on your phone. Neff picks the phone up and answers. NEFF Walter Neff speaking. B-17 INT. PHONE BOOTH - MARKET Phyllis is on the phone. PHYLLIS I had to call you, Walter. It's terribly urgent. Are you with somebody? B-18 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. His eye catches Keyes', who is walking up and down. NEFF Of course I am. Can't I call you back... Margie? B-19 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS Walter, I've only got a minute. It can't wait. Listen. He's going tonight. On the train. Are you listening, Walter? Walter! B-20 NEFF - ON PHONE His eyes are on Keyes. He speaks into the phone as calmly as possible. NEFF I'm listening. Only make it short... Margie. B-21 PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS He's on crutches. The doctor says he can go if he's careful. The change will do him good. It's wonderful, Walter. Just the way you wanted it. Only with the crutches it's ever so much better, isn't it? B-22 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on phone. NEFF One hundred percent better. Hold the line a minute. He covers the receiver with his hand and turns to Keyes, who is now standing at the window. NEFF Suppose I join you in your office, Keyes -- He makes a gesture as if expecting Keyes to leave. Keyes stays right where he is. KEYES I'll wait. Only tell Margie not to take all day. Neff looks at Keyes' back with a strained expression, then lifts the phone again. NEFF Go ahead. B-23 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS It's the ten-fifteen from Glendale. I'm driving him. Is it still that same dark street? B-24 NEFF, ON PHONE He is still watching Keyes cautiously. NEFF Yeah -- sure. B-24A CLOSEUP - PHYLLIS - ON PHONE PHYLLIS The signal is three honks on the horn. Is there anything else? B-24B CLOSEUP NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF What color did you pick out? B-25 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS Color? (She catches on) Oh, sure. The blue suit, Walter. Navy blue. And the cast on his left leg. B-26 NEFF, ON PHONE NEFF Navy blue. I like that fine. B-27 PHYLLIS, ON PHONE PHYLLIS This is it, Walter. I'm shaking like a leaf. But it's straight down the line now for both of us. I love you, Walter. Goodbye. B-28 NEFF'S OFFICE Neff on the phone. NEFF So long, Margie. He hangs up. His mouth is grim, but he forces a smile as Keyes turns. NEFF I'm sorry, Keyes. KEYES What's the matter? The dames chasing you again? Or still? Or is it none of my business? NEFF (With a sour smile) If I told you it was a customer -- KEYES Margie! I bet she drinks from the bottle. Why don't you settle down and get married, Walter? NEFF Why don't you, for instance? KEYES I almost did, once. A long time ago. Neff gets up from his desk. NEFF Look, Keyes, I've got a prospect to call on. Keyes drives right ahead. KEYES We even had the church all picked out, the dame and I. She had a white satin dress with flounces on it. And I was on my way to the jewelry store to buy the ring. Then suddenly that little man in here started working on me. He punches his stomach with his fist. NEFF So you went back and started investigating her. That it? Keyes nods slowly, a little sad and a little ashamed. KEYES And the stuff that came out. She'd been dyeing her hair ever since she was sixteen. And there was a manic- depressive in her family, on her mother's side. And she already had one husband, a professional pool player in Baltimore. And as for her brother -- NEFF I get the general idea. She was a tramp from a long line of tramps. He picks up some papers impatiently. KEYES All right, I'm going. What am I to say to Norton? How about that job I want you for? NEFF I don't think I want it. Thanks, Keyes, just the same. KEYES Fair enough. Just get this: I picked you for the job, not because I think you're so darn smart, but because I thought maybe you were a shade less dumb than the rest of the outfit. I guess I was all wet. You're not smarter, Walter. You're just a little taller. He goes out. Neff is alone. He watches the door close, then turns and goes slowly to the water cooler. He fills a paper cup and stands holding it. His thoughts are somewhere else. After a moment he absently throws the cupful of water into the receptacle under the cooler. He goes back to the desk. He takes his rate book out of his brief case and puts it on the desk. He buttons the top button of his shirt, and pulls his tie right. He leaves the office, with his briefcase under his arm. NEFF'S VOICE That was it, Keyes, and there was no use kidding myself any more. Those fates I was talking about had only been stalling me off. Now they had thrown the switch. The gears had meshed. The machinery had started to move and nothing could stop it. The time for thinking had all run out. From here on it was a question of following the time table, move by move, just as we had it rehearsed. I wanted my time all accounted for for the rest of the afternoon and up to the last possible moment in the evening. So I arranged to call on a prospect in Pasadena about a public liability bond. When I left the office I put my rate book on the desk as if I had forgotten it. That was part of the alibi. DISSOLVE TO: B-29 EXT. NEFF'S APT. HOUSE DAY Neff's coupe comes down the street and swings into the garage and goes down the ramp into the basement. NEFF'S VOICE I got home about seven and drove right into the garage. This was another item to establish my alibi. B-30 INT. GARAGE There are about eight cars parked. A colored attendant in coveralls and rubber boots is washing a car with a hose and sponge. Neff's car comes into the shot and stops near the attendant. Neff gets out with his briefcase under his arm. ATTENDANT Hiya there, Mr. Neff. NEFF How about a wash job on my heap, Charlie? ATTENDANT How soon you want it, Mr. Neff? I got two cars ahead of you. NEFF Anytime you get to it, Charlie. I'm staying in tonight. ATTENDANT Okay, Mr. Neff. Be all shined up for you in the morning. Neff is crossing to the elevator. He speaks back over his shoulder: NEFF That left front tire looks a little soft. Check it, will you? ATTENDANT You bet. Check 'em all round. Always do. Neff enters the elevator. DISSOLVE TO: B-31 NEFF'S APT. - (DAY) Neff enters. He walks straight to the phone, dials, and starts speaking into the mouthpiece, but only the COMMENTARY is heard. DISSOLVE: NEFF'S VOICE Up in my apartment I called Lou Schwartz, one of the salesmen that shared my office. He lived in Westwood. That made it a toll call and there'd be a record of it. I told him I had forgotten my rate book and needed some dope on the public liability bond I was figuring. I asked him to call me back. This was another item in my alibi, so that later on I could prove that I had been home. B-32 INT. NEFF'S LIVING ROOM Neff comes into the living room from the bedroom, putting on the jacket of his blue suit. THE PHONE RINGS. He picks up the receiver and starts talking, unheard, as before. He makes notes on a pad. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE I changed into a navy blue suit like Dietrichson was going to wear. Lou Schwartz called me back and gave me a lot of figures... B-33 NEFF He is folding a hand towel and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. He then takes a large roll of adhesive tape and puts that into his pants pocket. DISSOLVE TO: NEFF'S VOICE (Cont'd) I stuffed a hand towel and a big roll of adhesive tape into my pockets, so I could fake something that looked like a cast on a broken leg... Next I fixed the telephone and the doorbell, so that the cards would fall down if the bells rang. That way I would know there had been a phone call or visitor while I was away. I left the apartment house by the fire stairs and side door. Nobody saw me. It was already getting dark. I took the Vermont Avenue bus to Los Feliz and walked from there up to the Dietrichson house. There was that smell of honeysuckle again, only stronger, now that it was evening. B-34 & B-35 INSERTS OF OPEN TELEPHONE BELL BOX (ON BASEBOARD) & DOORBELL (ABOVE ENTRANCE DOOR) Neff's hand places a small card against the bell clapper in each of these. DISSOLVE TO: B-36 FIRE STAIRS, APT. HOUSE (NIGHT) CAMERA PANS with Neff going down the stairs in his blue suit, with a hat pulled down over his eyes. DISSOLVE TO: B-37 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOME - (NIGHT) - LONG SHOT - NO TRAFFIC Some windows are lit. Neff comes into the shot and approaches cautiously. He looks around and then slides open the garage door. B-38 INT. GARAGE Neff closes the garage door. Very faint light comes in at a side window. He opens the rear door of the sedan, gets in and closes the door after him. The dark interior of the car has swallowed him up. NEFF'S VOICE Then I was in the garage. His car was backed in, just the way I told Phyllis to have it. It was so still I could hear the ticking of the clock on the dashboard. I kept thinking of the place we had picked out to do it, that dark street on the way to the station, and the three honks on the horn that were to be the signal... About ten minutes later they came down. DISSOLVE TO: B-39 EXT. DIETRICHSON HOUSE The front door has opened and Dietrichson is half-way down the steps. He is walking with crutches, wearing the dark blue suit and a hat. The cast is on his left leg. There is no shoe on his left foot. Only the white plaster shows. Phyllis comes after him, carrying his suitcase and his overcoat. She wears a camel's-hair coat and no hat. She catches up with him. PHYLLIS You all right, honey? I'll have the car out in a second. Dietrichson just grunts. She passes him to the garage, CAMERA WITH HER, and slides the door open. B-40 INT. GARAGE THE CAMERA IS VERY LOW INSIDE THE SEDAN, shooting slightly upwards from Neff's hiding place. The garage door has just been opened. Phyllis comes to the car, opens the rear door. She looks down, almost INTO THE CAMERA. A tight, cool smile flashes across her face. Then, very calmly, she puts the suitcase and overcoat in back on the seat (out of shot). She closes the door again. B-41 EXT. GARAGE Dietrichson stands watching Phyllis as she gets into the car and drives out to pick him up. She stops beside him and opens the right-hand door. Dietrichson climbs in with difficulty. She helps him, watching him closely. PHYLLIS Take it easy, honey. We've got lots of time. DIETRICHSON Just let me do it my own way. Grab that crutch. She takes one of the crutches from him. DIETRICHSON They ought to make these things so they fold up. For a moment, as he leans his hand on the back of the seat, there is danger that he may see Neff. He doesn't. He slides awkwardly into the seat and pulls the second crutch in after him. He closes the door. The car moves off. DISSOLVE TO: B-42 INT. CAR Phyllis driving and Dietrichson beside her, face TOWARDS THE CAMERA. Dietrichson has a partly smoked cigar between his teeth. They are in the middle of a conversation. DIETRICHSON Aw, stop squawkin' can't you, Phyllis? No man takes his wife along to a class reunion. That's what class reunions are for. PHYLLIS Mrs. Tucker went along with her husband last year, didn't she. DIETRICHSON Yeah, and what happened to her? She sat in the hotel lobby for four days straight. Never even saw the guy until we poured him back on the train. B-43 CLOSEUP ON NEFF'S FACE LOW DOWN IN THE CORNER BEHIND DIETRICHSON His face is partly covered by the edge of a traveling rug which he has pulled up over him. He looks up at Dietrichson and Phyllis in the front seat. PHYLLIS' VOICE All right, honey. Just so long as you have a good time. DIETRICHSON'S VOICE I won't do much dancing, I can tell you

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