,episode no.,speaker,dialouge
0,1,Rick,"
stumbles in drunkenly, and turns on the lights. Morty! You gotta
                    come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me."
1,1,Morty,"
rubs his eyes. What, Rick? What’s going on?"
2,1,Rick," I got a surprise for you, Morty."
3,1,Morty, It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about?
4,1,Rick,"
spills alcohol on Morty's bed Come on, I got a surprise for you. drags
                        Morty by the ankle Come on, hurry up. pulls Morty out of his bed and into
                        the hall.
"
5,1,Morty, Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard!
6,1,Rick," We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty."
7,1,Rick,"
Rick drives through the night sky. What do you think of this...
                    flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage."
8,1,Morty," Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise?"
9,1,Rick," Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb, Morty.
                    I had to create a bomb."
10,1,Morty, What?! A bomb?!
11,1,Rick," We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a
                    whole fresh start."
12,1,Morty, T-t-that's absolutely crazy!
13,1,Rick," Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're
                    gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica."
14,1,Morty, Jessica? From my math class?
15,1,Rick,"
puts an arm around Morty’s shoulders. When I drop the bomb you
                    know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm
                    gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam."
16,1,Morty, Ohh...
17,1,Rick, And Jessica's gonna be Eve.
18,1,Morty, Whhhh-wha?
19,1,Rick," And so that's the surprise, Morty."
20,1,Morty," No, you can't! shoves Rick away. Jessica doesn't even know I
                    exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity!"
21,1,Rick," I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... spills
                        alcohol down his shirt. You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry
                    about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or
                    anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty."
22,1,Morty," What are you talking about, Rick?"
23,1,Rick," You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything.
                    Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty."
24,1,Morty, I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou—
25,1,Rick," You know what, Morty? You're right. throws empty bottle into the
                        backseat) Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but
                        trouble, anyways. (presses a button.
"
26,1,Robot Voice,Arming neutrino bomb.
27,1,Morty,"
unbuckles his seatbelt) That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the
                        wheel. (jumps up on Rick and starts fighting with him over control of the
                        wheel."
28,1,Rick," Get off of me, Morty! they begin to talk over each other.
"
29,1,Morty," I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! starts kicking Rick's face
                        while grabbing the wheel."
30,1,Rick,"
at the same time) Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so
                        much why don’t you marry it? (pushes Morty) What are you, crazy? Alright,
                        alright, Morty. (pushes Morty off of him."
31,1,Rick," Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land
                    the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden."
32,1,Rick,"
Rick lands the cruiser in an open desert; he opens the door and tumbles
                        out among dozens of empty alcohol cans and bottles."
33,1,Morty," Oh, thank god."
34,1,Rick," You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you
                    more assertive."
35,1,Morty, It was?
36,1,Rick," Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo— falls asleep
                        and begins snoring."
37,1,Robot Voice,Neutrino bomb armed.
38,1,Morty, Um...
39,1,Jerry," I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think
                    is gonna be the best singer?"
40,1,Summer," Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke."
41,1,Beth," Morty, are you getting sick? Morty lifts his head, clearly exhausted, and
                        wipes food from his face"
42,1,Morty," I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
                    Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something."
43,1,Summer, Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick.
44,1,Jerry, What?
45,1,Beth, Dad?
46,1,Rick," What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that
                    nighttime makes up half of all time?"
47,1,Jerry, Damn it!
48,1,Beth, Jerry!
49,1,Jerry, Beth!
50,1,Summer," Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die."
51,1,Rick," Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank
                    me later."
52,1,Jerry,"
glaring at Rick. Okay, with all due respect, Rick— what am I
                    talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes
                    if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole?"
53,1,Rick," Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your
                    house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but I'll tell you
                    something—tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time.
                        Jerry stares incredulously at him) Buncha people running around,
                        bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, ""two plus two."" The people in
                        the back say, ""four."" Then the—then the bell rings, and they give you a
                        carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or
                        something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know
                        that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue. (wipes his
                        mouth and gets up, stopping behind Beth and putting a hand on her shoulder)
                        This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs.
                        I wish your mother was here to eat them. (Rick gives Beth a kiss and walks
                        away."
54,1,Beth,"
tears up in happiness. Oh, dad…"
55,1,Jerry," What? For real? Morty's face slams into his plate again.
"
56,1,Mr. Goldenfold,"Alright, now, everybody get settled. Get away from the windows!"
57,1,Mr. Goldenfold,"Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today. You might
                    have heard of it. It's called math? And without it, none of us would even exist,
                    so let's jump right in. Two plus two."
58,1,All classmates except Morty,"Four.Morty, sitting in the back row, stares at Jessica, who sits in the
                        front row, answering Jessica’s name for the questions."
59,1,Morty, Jessica.
60,1,Mr. Goldenfold, Five plus five.
61,1,All classmates except Morty,Ten.
62,1,Morty," Jessica. Jessica hears Morty and looks back, confused, not sure who’s
                        saying her name."
63,1,Mr. Goldenfold,"Okay, good. It's time for the quiz."
64,1,Class, Awwwwww.
65,1,Mr. Goldenfold,"Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one. Pass it back for
                    me. The stakes are high in this room. Morty stares at the quiz; the
                        numbers on the quiz jumble together as Morty falls asleep"
66,1,Jessica," Hi, Morty."
67,1,Morty," Whoa! Hi, Jessica."
68,1,Jessica," Can I show these to you? Jessica opens her shirt, showing Morty her
                        breasts."
69,1,Morty, Wow. Th-they're both great. Thank you!
70,1,Jessica, You know what I named these? My little Morties.
71,1,Morty,"
rubs the back of his neck. Uh, that's flattering... and a little
                    weird."
72,1,Jessica, Do you know what I want you to do with them?
73,1,Morty, Rename them?
74,1,Jessica," Squeeze them. Manhandle them. Give them the business. See if you can shuffle
                    them. I mean, really get in there and knock them around. No wrong answers."
75,1,Morty," Wow. Well, okay, Jessica. L-let's give this a shot. Morty grabs her
                        breasts and starts fondling her."
76,1,Jessica," Mm. Oh, Morty. What are you doing to me?"
77,1,Morty," Uh, I-I'm just doing my best. in real life, class has ended and Morty is
                        fondling Mr. Goldenfold."
78,1,Mr. Goldenfold,Morty! What are you doing to me?!
79,1,Morty,"
sleep-talking. Ah, Jessica."
80,1,Mr. Goldenfold,Morty!
81,1,Morty, Jessica.
82,1,Mr. Goldenfold,"Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad. leans back and bites his
                        lip."
83,1,Morty, Je-Jessica. Jessica.
84,1,Mr. Goldenfold,Not my fault this is happening.
85,1,Frank,"
Morty is at his locker, where he is confronted by a bully, Frank
                        Palicky."
86,1,Morty," Uh, morning, Frank."
87,1,Frank,"
pins Morty to his locker ""Morning""? What was what is that
                    supposed to mean? You making fun of me? Are you trying to say my family's poor?
                        takes out a pocket knife and points it at Morty's neck.
"
88,1,Morty," Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you
                    kind of had things handled without it."
89,1,Frank," You telling me how to bully now? Big mistake, Morty and now I'm gonna cut you,
                    'cause my family's rich. Frank suddenly freezes and Rick steps out from
                        behind him."
90,1,Rick," There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different
                    dimension. I need an extra pair of hands."
91,1,Morty," Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank?"
92,1,Rick," It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I
                    mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of
                    business. burps. It's important. Come on, Morty."
93,1,Morty," I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again."
94,1,Rick," Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What
                    do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on!"
95,1,Morty," Aw, geez. Okay. I guess I can skip history. What about Frank? I mean, shouldn't
                    you unfreeze him?"
96,1,Rick," I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine. Let's go. takes off with Morty
                        and then Summer comes by, seeing Frank's frozen body."
97,1,Summer,"
in her headOh, my God. I'm about to walk past Frank Palicky. This
                    is the story we'll be telling our children. walks up to Frank and talks
                        to him, oblivious to the fact that he's frozen."
98,1,Summer," Hi, Frank. Frank's frozen foot breaks and he drops to the ground and
                        shatters into a million pieces, dying."
99,1,Summer, AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
100,1,Beth,"
performing heart surgery on a horse. Scalpel."
101,1,Davin," Scalpel. Jerry enters the room.
"
102,1,Jerry," Knock, knock."
103,1,Beth, Jerry?
104,1,Jerry," My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought, ""hey, why not swing by
                    where your wife works?"" The heart rate for the horse starts beeping
                        really fast."
105,1,Tom,"
offscreen) We're losing him. (Beth adjusts the horse's
                    organs."
106,1,Tom,"
offscreen. Okay, he's back."
107,1,Beth," Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason."
108,1,Jerry," Well, it's lunch. I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for
                    millennia. the heart rate starts beeping again.
"
109,1,Tom,"
offscreen) Losing him. (Beth adjusts the organs again.
"
110,1,Tom,"
offscreen. Stabilized."
111,1,Beth," Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart
                    surgery."
112,1,Jerry," Well, yeah, on horses."
113,1,Beth, Excuse me?
114,1,Jerry," Okay, Let's not rehash that fight. I sense that you're busy and will now be on
                    my way. drops a pamphlet on the ground.
"
115,1,Jerry," Whoa! What is this on the floor? Some kind of literature for a really
                    nice-looking nursing home. Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad
                    here. Let's put your dad in a nursing home. Beth looks at Jerry angrily
                        and the heart hate starts beeping again."
116,1,Tom,"
offscreen. We're losing him."
117,1,Beth," Hey, Tom! We know when we're losing him. WE CAN HEAR THE BEEPS!"
118,1,Rick," There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go."
119,1,Morty," Oh, geez, okay. Rick and Morty go through the portal and end up in a
                        crazy alternate dimension."
120,1,Morty," Oh, man, Rick. What is this place?"
121,1,Rick," It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special
                    type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and
                    there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're
                    incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty."
122,1,Morty," Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some
                    anxiety about this whole thing."
123,1,Rick," All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations
                    can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different,
                    but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull
                    that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with
                    them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be—
                        a gigantic alien monster suddenly appears behind them.
"
124,1,Rick," HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! they take off, running in complete and total fear
                        as the monster chases them."
125,1,Rick," I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it
                    is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're
                    gonna die, Morty!"
126,1,Rick,"
having apparently escaped, they are walking through Dimension 35-C,
                        continuing their adventure."
127,1,Morty," All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at
                    school by now?"
128,1,Rick," Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at
                    that thing right there. a weird looking monster is seen cooing and
                        rolling around on the ground) What the hell is that thing? You think you're
                        gonna see that kind of thing at school? (offscreen) Look at it just
                        lumbering around. (onscreen."
129,1,Morty," Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason
                    why I want to leave. they come up to a cliff and Rick stops him
                        there."
130,1,Rick," Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this? he and Morty are looking down
                        upon a vast forest of interdimensional trees."
131,1,Rick," You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?"
132,1,Morty, The mega trees?
133,1,Rick," That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what
                    I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what
                    you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with
                    school."
134,1,Morty," All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?"
135,1,Rick," You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an
                        burps) under- (burps) underfoot figure. (Rick gives Morty a pair of
                        shoes and Morty proceeds to put them on."
136,1,Rick," Just take these shoes, Morty. They're burps. special grappling
                    shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just
                    walk on any surface you want, Morty up, down, below, turn around to the left.
                    These things really bring it all together."
137,1,Morty,"
walks off the cliff and plummets to the ground, screaming and smashing
                        into rocks."
138,1,Rick," You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on!"
139,1,Beth," I am not putting my father in a home! He just came back into my life, and you
                    want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last month's Victoria's
                    Secret?"
140,1,Jerry," I told you I was ordering you something for Valentine's Day. More importantly,
                    your father is a horrible influence on our son."
141,1,Davin," Everything cool in here, Beth?"
142,1,Beth," It's fine, Davin."
143,1,Davin," Okay, cool. You know, we did something great today. There's nothing more noble
                    and free than the heart of a horse. Jerry closes the door on
                        Davin."
144,1,Jerry," Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to
                    the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies."
145,1,Beth," Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but Morty was having trouble in
                    school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having
                    is that, for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend. the phone
                        starts ringing."
146,1,Jerry,"
sighs. Well, maybe you're right."
147,1,Beth," Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart. Why do you think I'm
                    a heart surgeon?"
148,1,Jerry,"
coughs) Ahem, Horse heart surgeon. (Beth answers the phone and gets a
                        call from Morty's principal, Gene Vagina."
149,1,Principal Vagina,"Hello? Mrs. Smith? This is Principal Vagina, no relation. I wonder if you and
                    Morty's father might be able to have a chat with me this afternoon?"
150,1,Rick,"
standing by Morty, who is lying on the ground with his legs broken)
                        Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on (offscreen) your legs right now. You
                        know, you got to turn (onscreen."
151,1,Morty," I'm in a lot of pain, Rick!"
152,1,Rick," Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect
                    my seeds, Morty?"
153,1,Morty," Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe
                    this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me
                    about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like
                    Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something."
154,1,Rick," Okay, hold on just a second, Morty. opens another portal and leaves Morty
                        behind, lying on the ground to suffer for a few seconds."
155,1,Morty," Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Rick finally
                        returns and injects Morty's legs with medicine, healing them to
                        perfection."
156,1,Morty," Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I
                    mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you."
157,1,Rick," Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right,
                    buddy?"
158,1,Morty," Sure thing, Rick. goes up the tree and gets the Mega Fruit while Rick
                        talks to him."
159,1,Rick," Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future
                    dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every
                    corner drugstore. offscreen. The stuff was all over the place,
                    Morty."
160,1,Morty," Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick."
161,1,Rick," There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was
                    so advanced, that burps) they had also halted the aging process, and
                        everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only
                        old person there, Morty. (burps."
162,1,Morty, What?!
163,1,Rick," It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty."
164,1,Morty," Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at
                    school right now. How are we gonna get back home?"
165,1,Rick," There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit
                    of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're
                    gonna have to do me a real solid."
166,1,Morty, Uh-oh.
167,1,Rick," When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the
                    bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole,
                    Morty."
168,1,Morty, In my butt?
169,1,Rick," Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit."
170,1,Morty," Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that."
171,1,Rick," Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through
                    customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty"
172,1,Morty, Uuuh.
173,1,Rick," And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I
                    mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal
                    cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y-
                        burps. you've got to put these seeds inside your butt."
174,1,Morty, In my butt?
175,1,Rick," Come on, Morty. Please, Morty. You have to do it, Morty."
176,1,Morty," Oh, man."
177,1,Principal Vagina,"The fact is, your son, Morty, has attended this school for a total of seven hours
                    over the last two months."
178,1,Beth, What? Why didn't you notify us?
179,1,Principal Vagina,"I done been notifying you. Have you not been getting the messages I've been
                    leaving with Morty's grandfather?"
180,1,Jerry," Boom! Told you! In your face! He is ruining our child! Wait, what am I
                    celebrating?"
181,1,Principal Vagina,"Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there, because it's usually Morty's
                    grandpa that's taking him out of school. they stop to see Summer and some
                        other students, crying at an obituary for Frank."
182,1,Beth, Summer?
183,1,Summer,"
sobs. What kind of God lets this happen?"
184,1,Principal Vagina,"We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. chuckles.
                    And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take
                    this to a racial place. I won't let them."
185,1,Announcer, The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
186,1,Alien," So, I told him, ""give me the blimfarx,"" you know? This-this guy he doesn't
                    understand interstellar currency."
187,1,Alien," It's, like, I'm trying to eat a flimflam like, that's what we eat on
                    Girvonesk."
188,1,Announcer, The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
189,1,Rick,"
Morty comes up to him, who is waiting in line to get through
                        security."
190,1,Morty," Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are
                    pointy. They hurt."
191,1,Rick," That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are
                    super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to
                    do a-"
192,1,Gromflomite," Okay, next through. stops Morty. Except you. You go over
                    there."
193,1,Rick, Why does he have to go over there?
194,1,Gromflomite, Random check. He's got to go through the new machine.
195,1,Rick, What new- burps. what new machine?
196,1,Gromflomite, It's a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt.
197,1,Rick," Run, Morty! Run! grabs Morty and they run through security and dart for
                        the exit."
198,1,Morty, Aaaaaah!
199,1,Gromfomite," Red alert! team of Gromflomites starts chasing after Rick and
                        Morty."
200,1,Morty," Ohhhhh! Rick pushes over a giant capsule, with an alien fetus over,
                        smashing some Gromflomites, to slow them down."
201,1,Morty," Ohhhhhh! an alien is seen smoking a hookah and Morty runs past him and
                        accidentally inhales the smoke from the hookah while Rick comes from behind
                        and slaps the alien in the face, causing the alien to cry; he then coughs up
                        a life form from the smoke and the lifeform starts running through the glarp
                        zone and goes through the entire aging process from developing fetus to
                        decomposing corpse, over the course of three seconds."
202,1,Morty, Aaaaah!
203,1,Rick," Don't think about it! he and Morty are cornered but Morty activates the
                        grappling shoes and runs up the wall with Rick."
204,1,Rick," Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher. the Gromflomites
                        reveal that they can fly and then Rick and Morty start running
                    away."
205,1,Morty," Whoooooo! he and Rick run through the equipment on the ceiling, before
                        they slip off to the ground."
206,1,Alien," Aah! Aw, hell, no, dawg. You know me I'm just trying to— Rick and Morty
                        crash to the ground and he dies; they then run to the portal
                        computer."
207,1,Rick," I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me. he
                        tosses Morty a gun."
208,1,Morty," Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody."
209,1,Rick," They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots!
                        Morty shoots a Glenn, blowing his leg off, and making blood gush out
                        as he drops down in pain."
210,1,Glenn, Aaaaah! My leg is shot off!
211,1,Other Gromflomite,Glenn's bleeding to death! Someone call his wife and children!
212,1,Morty," They're not robots, Rick!"
213,1,Rick," It's a figure of speech, Morty. They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just
                    keep shooting, Morty. You have no idea what prison is like here! Morty
                        continues shooting the Gromflomites and even kills some innocent bystanders
                        while Rick hacks into the portal to take them back home."
214,1,Morty," Holy crap! This is insane! Rick opens the portal and takes Morty in with
                        him."
215,1,Rick," Come on, Morty! We got to get the hell out of here! the portal opens up
                        in the lunchroom at school and Rick and Morty land on the table where
                        Jessica and her friends are eating."
216,1,Jessica, Wow. Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?
217,1,Morty," Uh, yeah. Well, you know, my-my Ferrari's in the shop. nervously
                        laughs."
218,1,Jessica," You're Morty, right?"
219,1,Morty," Yeah. Rick grabs Morty and takes him way.
"
220,1,Rick," You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got
                    to get those seeds out of your ass. Rick and Morty are stopped by Jerry,
                        Beth, and Principal Vagina."
221,1,Jerry," Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche."
222,1,Beth, What?
223,1,Jerry," I'm an angry father, not an improviser."
224,1,Rick," Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We
                    talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this
                    behavior... No? No takers? Rick and Morty are back at home in the garage
                        while Jerry and Beth start taking all his things and packing them up so he
                        can move to the nursing home."
225,1,Rick," You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your
                    reasoning."
226,1,Jerry, You're beyond our reasoning!
227,1,Rick, Takes one to know one.
228,1,Beth," Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's
                    not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in
                    someone else's."
229,1,Rick, What what are you guys doing with my stuff?
230,1,Beth, We're moving you to a nursing home.
231,1,Rick," A nursing home? What are what are you, nuts? I'm a genius. I build robots for
                    fun."
232,1,Jerry," Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and mentally
                    scar the Boy Scouts every Christmas."
233,1,Beth, What does that mean?
234,1,Jerry, It's personal.
235,1,Morty," Dad, mom, come on. Rick just needed my help is all."
236,1,Jerry," Morty, stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these
                    situations on your own."
237,1,Rick, What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something?
238,1,Beth," Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child
                    that needs to be missing classes."
239,1,Rick," I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more
                    specific?"
240,1,Jerry," Oh, for crying out—he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what
                    you want us to say?"
241,1,Morty, I do?
242,1,Jerry," Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast
                    as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work
                    twice as hard."
243,1,Morty," Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once."
244,1,Rick," Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi."
245,1,Morty," Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't."
246,1,Rick," The square root of Pi, Morty. Go!"
247,1,Morty, 1.77245385... Whoa!
248,1,Beth, What the hell?
249,1,Jerry,"
checks Morty's answer with calculator. Holy crap. He's right."
250,1,Rick," Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics."
251,1,Morty," ""The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of
                    heat supplied to the system."" Wow! I'm so smart!"
252,1,Jerry, But—
253,1,Rick," I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's
                    a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's
                    like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too
                    smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me."
254,1,Beth," Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop."
255,1,Jerry," No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to
                    school."
256,1,Rick," Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no?
                    You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us,
                    from now on, it's gonna be clear communication. Summer butts in, crying
                        over the death of Frank."
257,1,Summer,"
crying. Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!"
258,1,Rick," No idea what you're talking about. Summer leaves, crying.
"
259,1,Jerry," Okay. Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night
                    again. This is good, though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now,
                    Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you."
260,1,Beth," You know what? Okay. she and Jerry leave.
"
261,1,Morty," Holy cow, Rick. I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter."
262,1,Rick," Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side
                    effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity."
263,1,Morty," Aw, man."
264,1,Rick," Yeah, and once those seeds wear off, you're gonna lose most of your motor
                    skills, and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of brain functionality
                    for 72 hours, Morty. Starting right about now."
265,1,Morty," Ohh, man. losing consciousness) Oh, geez! Ohh. (drops to the ground and
                        starts moaning as he has a seizure."
266,1,Rick," I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come and I
                    needed those seeds real bad, and I had to give them up just to get your parents
                    off my back, so now we're gonna have to go get more adventures. excitedly
                        looks down upon him, telling him about their future adventures."
267,2,TV, Coin collecting is considered the perfect hobby. Beautiful putt right there good birdie. That's only the eighth birdie of the day.
268,2,Jerry," What? Why are you looking at me? You want to go outside? Outside? Sigh
"
269,2,Jerry, Outside?
270,2,Jerry, Are you kidding me?! Come on!
271,2,Summer," Oh, my God."
272,2,Morty, What's wrong?
273,2,Jerry, Your idiot dog!
274,2,Morty," Oh, he he didn't mean it, dad. Did you, snuffles? You're a good boy."
275,2,Jerry," Don't praise him now, Morty! He just peed on the carpet! Bad dog! Bad!"
276,2,Rick," Morty, come on. I need your help tonight."
277,2,Jerry," Hey, wait, hold on a second, Rick. You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of crazy science thing you could whip up that might help make this dog a little smarter, would you?"
278,2,Rick," I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread. Come on, Morty."
279,2,Jerry," Listen, Rick, if you're gonna stay here rent-free and use my son for your stupid science, the least you could do is put a little bit of it to use for the family. You make that dog smart or Morty's grounded!"
280,2,Summer, Ha-ha!
281,2,Morty," Aw, man!"
282,2,Rick," Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry."
283,2,Rick," All right, Ruffles What's his name?"
284,2,Morty, Snuffles.
285,2,Rick," Snuffles, shake."
286,2,Rick, Roll over.
287,2,Rick, Go to the bathroom.
288,2,Jerry, Holy crap!
289,2,Summer, No way.
290,2,Rick," Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun. Come on, Morty."
291,2,Morty," That was fantastic, Rick!"
292,2,Rick," Yeah, Morty, if you like that, boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one."
293,2,Morty, W-w-w-what is it?
294,2,Rick," It's a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about."
295,2,Morty," You talking about ""Inception""?"
296,2,Rick," That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may-Belch-be make sense."
297,2,Morty," ""Inception"" made sense."
298,2,Rick," You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time."
299,2,Morty," Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework?"
300,2,Rick," Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it."
301,2,Rick," Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me."
302,2,Mrs. Pancakes, You don't know me!
303,2,Mr. Goldenfold,"' Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice."
304,2,Commercial Announcer," Next week on ""The days and nights of Mrs. Pancakes"""
305,2,Mrs. Pancakes, You don't know me!
306,2,Mr. Pancakes," Then let me get to know yo, damn it!"
307,2,Rick, Uh-oh! Spoilers!
308,2,Rick, I'm a full season behind.
309,2,Morty," Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird."
310,2,Rick," It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty."
311,2,Mrs. Pancakes, Wheat thins. Wheat thins.
312,2,Mr. Goldenfold, I'll take two.
313,2,Mrs. Pancakes," Oh, I think you've had enough, sir."
314,2,Mr.Goldenfold, You don't know me.
315,2,Rick," All right, Morty, time to make our move."
316,2,Mr. Goldenfold, Make it bounce.
317,2,Mrs. Pancakes," No, you didn't."
318,2,Mr. Goldenfold," Oh, jiggle it now."
319,2,Mrs. Pancakes, You better stop with that.
320,2,Rick, Allahu Belch akbar! We're gonna take control of this plane! We're gonna 9/11 it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math!
321,2,Rick," Hey! I said nobody move, buddy!"
322,2,Mr. Goldenfold, The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you!
323,2,Rick," Take cover, Morty!"
324,2,Mr. Goldenfold, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
325,2,Morty, Ooohhh!
326,2,Rick," Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. Belch I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, Morty but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real, Morty."
327,2,Morty, What?! Are you kidding me?! Ohhhhhh!
328,2,Rick," Don't be a baby! You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Morty. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!"
329,2,Jerry, Now bring me my slippers.
330,2,Summer," Now, be my footstool, Snuffles."
331,2,Jerry, This is what I'm talking about. This is a dog.
332,2,Beth ,"
Unimpressed Oh, yeah. This should play out just fine."
333,2,Jerry," You said the same thing, equally sarcastically, at our wedding and guess what?"
334,2,Snuffles, Ooowwwwowowwaawaa!
335,2,Summer," Oh, my God! He's trying to tell us something. Offscreen That is so awesome."
336,2,Snuffles, Aaaawwaaaaawaawa!
337,2,Jerry," Aw, he's saying ""I love lasagna""."
338,2,Snuffles, Ooooyayawawa!
339,2,Summer," He's saying ""I love Obama"". Offscreen So cute! I'm posting this Onscreen online, like, right now."
340,2,Jerry, I should call Bob Saget. Is that still a thing?
341,2,Snuffles, Hmm?
342,2,Rick," Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk!"
343,2,Mr.Goldenfold, Why would I negotiate with you?
344,2,Rick, Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield.
345,2,Mr. Goldenfold, Mrs. Pancakes! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!
346,2,Plane Passengers, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
347,2,Rick," Oh, no, Morty. His subconscious is panicking."
348,2,Plane Passenger, Oh no! Run!
349,2,Plane Passengers, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
350,2,Rick, Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoooooaaaa!
351,2,Morty, Whooooa! Whoooooooa! Whoa! Whooooooooaaaaa!
352,2,Morty, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
353,2,Rick," Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on!"
354,2,Mrs. Pancakes," Hey, you don't know me!"
355,2,Morty," Oh, no, Rick, look! Goldenfold landed the plane, and he's created a Offscreen mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air while he lets us fall - into a giant vat of lava!"
356,2,Rick," Pretty concise, Morty. Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable. That's it, Morty! Prolonging the inevitable! Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty. That'll buy us some time to figure this out!"
357,2,Mrs. Pancakes, You don't know m-
358,2,Rick," All right, let's go."
359,2,Morty," Oh, man, Rick, this is pretty weird."
360,2,Rick," Don't judge, Morty."
361,2,Morty," Okay. All right, well Look, Mrs. Pancakes is right over there. I'll just go ask her to tell goldenfold not to kill us when she wakes up."
362,2,Rick," Whoa, whoa, Morty, the trick to incepting is making people think they came up with the idea. Listen to me. If we're gonna incept Mrs. Pancakes, we have to blend. I'll talk to you after lunch."
363,2,Sexualized S&M Monster," Ooh, hey!"
364,2,Morty," Ooh, oh! Oh, man."
365,2,Sexualized S&M Monster, Come and join us.
366,2,Morty," I'm sorry. No, no."
367,2,Sexualized S&M Monster," Ooh, come here!"
368,2,Morty," No, thanks!"
369,2,Giant Frog Woman," Ooh, wow! - Come over here, baby!"
370,2,Morty," No, I'm okay."
371,2,Morty, Whoa!
372,2,Morty,"
Shocked Summer?!"
373,2,Summer," Hey, there, stranger. What do you think of these things?"
374,2,Morty, Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross!
375,2,Rick," Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here."
376,2,Morty," It's Summer! Aw, geez."
377,2,Rick,"Looks like goldenfold has some predilections so shameful he buries them in the dreams of the people in his dreams, including a pervy attraction to your underage sister."
378,2,Summer," Can you blame him? Come on, old man, little boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich."
379,2,Rick,"
In Unison With Morty Oh, my God. Put some clothes on for the love of God Summer! Put some - I'm gunna puke! I swear to God I'm gunna puke!"
380,2,Morty,"
In Unison With RickOh, my God! Put some clothes on, for Pete's sake! This is disgusting! I can't take it, Rick!"
381,2,Centaur, Sexual hang-ups in the pleasure chamber are punishable by death! Off with their heads!
382,2,Rick," Time to go another dream deep, Morty!"
383,2,Morty," What the hell? Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs. Pancakes' dream version of a Centaur be dreaming about a scary place like this, Rick?"
384,2,Rick," Geez, I don't know, Morty. Wha-what do you want from me?"
385,2,Scary Terry," Welcome to your nightmare, bitch! RAAAAAWWWRRR!"
386,2,Rick," Oh, here we go!"
387,2,Morty, Ooooooohhhhh! Holy crap!
388,2,Rick, Looks like some sort of legally safe knock-off of an '80s horror character with miniature swords for fingers instead of knives.
389,2,Scary Terry," I'm scary Terry. You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!"
390,2,Jerry," Whoa! Hey, buddy. What you got going on there?"
391,2,Snuffles, Snuffles fix. Make better.
392,2,Summer, Humans understand snuffles now? That is awesome!
393,2,Snuffles, Snuffles want to be understood. Snuffles need to be understood.
394,2,Jerry," Okay, yeah. I get what Beth was talking about. Fun's over."
395,2,Summer," Whoa, dad, you can't, like, endow a creature with sentience and then rip it away."
396,2,Jerry, Why not?
397,2,Summer, I don't know. It's Indian giving.
398,2,TV," A sophisticated predator, nature's perfect killing machine, the vicious wolf stalks its prey with purpose and skill. It was only with years of selective breeding and genetic altering that this noble beast was transformed into man's subservient little buddy."
399,2,Summer," Aw! Oh, my God! He recognizes the other dogs on TV."
400,2,Little Girl," ""A,"" ""b"" his name is scary Terry ""C,"" ""d"" he's very scary."
401,2,Rick," Holy crap! We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty!"
402,2,Morty," Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!"
403,2,Little Girl," ""E,"" ""f"" he'll design your death"
404,2,Rick, The little girl!
405,2,Morty, Huh?
406,2,Little Girl," ""J,"" ""k,"" he'll really ruin your day."
407,2,Rick," Are you kidding me? This again? Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, Morty."
408,2,Morty," Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-whoa, this isn't good."
409,2,Scary Terry," Nothing but fear from here on out, bitch!"
410,2,Morty, Ohhhh!
411,2,Rick," Holy crap, Morty. He can travel through dreams. He can travel through dreams! We're so screwed!"
412,2,Snuffles," Where are my testicles, Summer? ... Where are my testicles, Summer? They were removed. Where have they gone?"
413,2,Summer,"
ScaredOh, wow. That's an intense line of questioning, Snuffles."
414,2,Snuffles, Do not call me that!
415,2,Snuffles," ""Snuffles"" was my slave name. You shall now call me Snowball, because my fur is pretty and white."
416,2,Summer," Okay, Snowball, just calm down, okay? You're scaring me."
417,2,Snuffles, Scaring you?
418,2,Summer, AAAAAAAHHH!!!!!
419,2,Snuffles," Tell me, Summer, if a human was born with stumpy legs, would they breed it with another deformed human and put their children on display like the dachshund?"
420,2,Summer, Uhhh ...
421,2,Jerry," Hey. Oh, wow. Okay, is is is everything okay in here?"
422,2,Snuffles," Jerry, come to rub my face in urine again?"
423,2,Jerry," No! No, we were uh, just seeing if Summer wanted to uh ..."
424,2,Beth," G-Go on, um, one of our famous midnight family walks!"
425,2,Summer, Yeah. Totally. Let's go.
426,2,Snuffles, You will walk when it is time to walk.
427,2,Rick, What are we here for again? Incepting? We're trying to incept-
428,2,Morty," We're trying to incept me to get an ""A"" in math?"
429,2,Rick," Oh, yeah."
430,2,Scary Terry," Buckle up, bitch!"
431,2,Morty, Ooooooaaahhh!
432,2,Morty," Man, he sure says ""bitch"" a lot!"
433,2,Scary Terry," You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!"
434,2,Rick," Hold on, Morty. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding."
435,2,Morty, But that's the opposite of what-
436,2,Rick," Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?"
437,2,Morty," Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick."
438,2,Rick, Worst-case scenario we're back to running.
439,2,Morty," Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking."
440,2,Rick," Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while."
441,2,Scary Terry," You can run But you can't hide! Yawn
"
442,2,Rick," Oh, this is perfect, Morty. Look at that. He's getting sleepy. Just a little bit longer before he calls it a day. That's when we make our move."
443,2,Jerry," Snuffles, we didn't mean you any harm! This is a huge misunderstanding."
444,2,Summer," Dad, he wants to be called snowball."
445,2,Jerry," Well, I'm not calling him that. That's ridiculous."
446,2,Snuffles," You're being very aggressive, Jerry. Perhaps tomorrow Dr. Scraps will solve that problem with a bit of surgery."
447,2,Jerry, Huh! You think you can control me with a haircut?
448,2,Scary Melissa," Hi, honey. You're home early. How was your day?"
449,2,Scary Terry, I don't want to talk about it!
450,2,Scary Melissa," Oh, of course! You never want to talk about it!"
451,2,Scary Terry," Get off my back, bitch!"
452,2,Scary Melissa, Out there. Not in here!
453,2,Scary Terry," Yeah, I know, I know. I shouldn't take my anger out on you or Scary Brandon. I love you, Melissa."
454,2,Scary Melissa," I love you, too, Terry."
455,2,Rick," Morty, this is perfect. After a little scary coitus, they should be fast asleep and then we'll incept him."
456,2,Rick, Looks like scary Terry's having a nightmare.
457,2,Morty," Oh, boy, Rick. I can only imagine what horrible things must, you know scare Scary Terry."
458,2,Scary Terry," Oh, no! I'm late to class, bitch! Oh, no! I'm not wearing any pants!"
459,2,Monster Teacher," Ah, well, Mr. Terry, why don't you tell the whole class the proper wordplay to use when one is chasing one's victim through a pumpkin patch?"
460,2,Scary Terry," Oh, uh, um ... ""Bitch."""
461,2,"Monster Teacher: Oh, come on, Terry, you can't think of a pun involving pumpkins, bitch? Morty"," Hey, leave him alone!"
462,2,Rick," Yeah, this is a bunch of bullcrap. Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone? Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?"
463,2,Monster Teacher," Well, I never! I-I see no reason to stand here and take this."
464,2,Rick," You're putting too much pressure on yourself, scary Terry. You know, I mean, y-you're perfectly scary enough as it is."
465,2,Morty," Hey, yo, scary T., don't even trip about your pants dawg. Here's a pair on us, fool."
466,2,Scary Terry," Aww, bitch. I don't know what to say."
467,2,Morty," You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg."
468,2,Rick," You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip."
469,2,Scary Terry," Oh, hey, it's you guys!"
470,2,Scary Melissa, I haven't seen him this relaxed in years.
471,2,Scary Terry," If you guys ever need anything, just say the word."
472,2,Rick," As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with."
473,2,Little Girl,"' ""Q,"" ""r,"" you won't get very far."
474,2,Scary Terry, I always hated that song!
475,2,Scary Terry," These halves don't belong together, bitch!"
476,2,Scary Terry, Sex is sacred!
477,2,Scary Terry," This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch!"
478,2,Mr. Goldenfold," Holy crap! God damn! I know one thing for sure I'm giving Morty an ""A"" in math, and that's my idea. That is an original thought."
479,2,Morty, What the hell? 
480,2,Rick," Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Morty?"
481,2,Morty," Oh, man, what's going on?"
482,2,Rick," Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty."
483,2,Jerry, I can't believe how mean snuffles got just because he's smart.
484,2,Summer, This is why I choose to get C's.
485,2,Rick," Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer."
486,2,Morty,"- Dad! - Rick! - Oh, thank God, Morty. - Oh, you're welcome. All right, let's get out of here."
487,2,Rick, If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over.
488,2,Jerry," Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere. This is my house. I'm not abandoning it."
489,2,Rick," It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?"
490,2,Jerry," Wait a minute. I have an idea. Gentlemen, a moment of your time. Jerry pees on a pile of guns See that? I'm peeing all over your special guns. That means I own them."
491,2,Snuffles, Bad person. Bad.
492,2,Rick," Ooh, great plan, Jerry."
493,2,Snuffles," Bring the boy to me. You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side."
494,2,Morty," Th-thanks, snuffles."
495,2,Snuffles, Begin phase two.
496,2,Reporter, Fighting continues as the dog army captures the eastern seaboard. It appears clear at this time that the era of human superiority has come to a bitter end. Two dogs come into the news room with a muzzlePlease! Please don't kill me!
497,2,Dog 1," What's she saying, Bill?"
498,2,Bill," I think she's saying, ""I love lasagna."
499,2,Morty," Mmm. Thank you, Fido. Rick! I thought you were dead!"
500,2,Rick," No, no, no, I was just playing dead. Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon."
501,2,Morty, What? 
502,2,Rick," It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside snuffles' dream."
503,2,Morty, But I-it's been like a whole year!
504,2,Rick," It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like ""Inception,"" Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie."
505,2,Morty," Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants."
506,2,Rick," No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty. You're sleeping in your crap right now. Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants. I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth."
507,2,Morty," Aw, man, geez! Seriously?"
508,2,Rick," Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty. Here, here take these, Morty. Take these."
509,2,Morty," Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something? "
510,2,Rick, Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down.
511,2,Morty, What?! 
512,2,Rick," It's necessary for the plan, Morty. Don't even trip, dawg."
513,2,Dr. Dog," It's pretty bad, emperor snowball. We're gonna need to do another operation."
514,2,Snuffles, Anything. Anything for my precious Morty.
515,2,Accountant Dog," Sir, as your accountant, I must advise you that these medical expenses are putting you in serious financial jeopardy. You could lose your kingdom."
516,2,Snuffles," To hell with my kingdom, bean counter. I would trade it all for my human's health and happiness."
517,2,Accountant Dog, Do you think they would have done this for us? 
518,2,Snuffles, We are not them! We are not them. Snuffles wakes up from the dream Assemble the troops. I've made a decision.
519,2,Snuffles," Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory."
520,2,Morty," I'm gonna miss you, snowball."
521,2,Snuffles," You can call me snuffles, Morty, and I'm going to miss you, too, very much."
522,2,Beth, Jerry?
523,2,Jerry," I'm sorry. It's just like the end of ""Old Yeller."
524,2,Beth," Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it."
525,2,Morty," Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like, Rick."
526,2,Rick," I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven."
527,2,Morty," You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick."
528,2,Rick," What do you know, Morty? What do you know?"
529,2,Scary Glenn," Hi, guys. I'm your new teacher for scary class. My name is scary Mr. Johnson. Uh, actually, you know what? That's my dad's name, so why don't you just call me scary Glenn, yeah? So, anyway, I understand your previous teacher was having you work on fundamentals of fear. Which is what is that? You know? So, uh, here here's what I say you can't learn anything until you learn how to chill."
530,2,Rick," Oooh! This is how you dream, bitch. Terry and Rick are getting stoned
"
531,3,Jerry,"
singing Last King Christmas last arrived!"
532,3,Jerry,"
singing In the Christmas Christmas! stops singing and smells the ham Mmm... Jerry, you are really giving it to this ham."
533,3,Jerry," Um, Merry Christmas? puts his hands on his hips Helloooo? My parents are coming over for the first time in years! Can we stow the gadgets and look alive?"
534,3,Beth, Alive? For your parents?
535,3,Jerry, Good one.
536,3,Beth, Hey man!
537,3,Jerry, You 'hey man'! This holiday is about humanity.
538,3,Morty,"
not looking up from his tablet You know, I thought it was about being born half-God or something."
539,3,Jerry," Okay, whatever. All electronic items are going in the stocking. Now."
540,3,Morty,"
hands over his tablet Ohhhh..."
541,3,Summer," Dad, I'm not giving you my phone."
542,3,Jerry," Put it in the stocking, Summer, or I'm joining Facebook."
543,3,Rick,"
offscreen Ho ho ho, everybody."
544,3,Jerry, More like whoa whoa whoa. What is this? My parents are coming!
545,3,Rick," Calm down Jerry, this is Ruben, an old friend."
546,3,Ruben, Pearl Harbor.
547,3,Rick, I check in on him once a year and give him a little burp medical burp evaluation.
548,3,Beth," Aw, Dad... That is so sweet."
549,3,Jerry,"
squinting suspiciously Yeah, it is... I don't get it."
550,3,Ruben, Korea.
551,3,Rick," Don't worry about your C-C-Christmas, Jerry. leads Ruben away Ruben and I'll be in my workshop while you have another day in Phil Collins' proverbial paradise."
552,3,Jerry," Huh. You think you know a guy. The doorbell rings. Okay, there's my parents. Now remember, no TV, no phones, no laptops, we are connecting this Christmas, like old-school Jews on a Saturday. opens the door Hey hey!"
553,3,Leonard," Merry Christmas, son."
554,3,Jerry," Oh, hi. Can I help you?"
555,3,Joyce," Jerry, this is Jacob. takes Jacob by the arm Didn't you get our text message?"
556,3,"Beth, Summer, and Morty", No.
557,3,Jacob, You must be Jerry! That's a fine lookin' apron. William Sonoma?
558,3,Jerry,"
smiling uncomfortably I wish... But thank you. closes the door So... you're a...friend of the family...?"
559,3,Leonard,"
puts an arm around Jacob's shoulders The way we see it, he's a part of the family."
560,3,Jerry, Wow!
561,3,Joyce," After your father's brush with cancer and losing your uncle, we looked at life and wondered how have we spent it? And how do we spend the rest of it? What are we going to be when we die? A list of fears and questions, or a collection of real experiences?"
562,3,Beth," Holy crap, Joyce. That's amazing."
563,3,Leonard, Then Jacob came into our lives. We're learning to live again.
564,3,Jacob, All three of us.
565,3,Jerry, ...Cool... Eggnog?
566,3,Jacob," Now we are talkin'! This man's got the apron and the eggnog, huh?"
567,3,Rick," Hi Joyce, Leonard. looks at Jacob Hello there."
568,3,Jacob," Merry Christmas, man."
569,3,Rick, Morty! A moment of your time?
570,3,Rick," He's in bad shape, Morty."
571,3,Morty," Aw geez, Rick! What did you do?"
572,3,Rick," Gee, thanks Morty. What kind of monster do you think I am? I-I'm sittin' here trying to save the guy's life! Rick straps a pack with a tube onto Morty's back and puts an earpiece on his head. I want you to find Dr. Xenon Bloom. He'll know what's goin' on."
573,3,Morty,"
extremely nervous Uh... W-W-Where do I find Dr. Bloom?"
574,3,Rick," In Ruben. shoves a glass oxygen mask onto Morty's head
"
575,3,Morty, Ruben... Minnesota?
576,3,Rick," Ruben on the table, Morty! hooks up the backpack to the helmet Look, I-I don't have time for you to wrap your little walnut around everything. pulls a shrink ray into view and plugs it in Hold your breath until the process is over or your lungs will collapse."
577,3,Morty, W-What proc—
578,3,Beth," Hey Dad, where's Morty?"
579,3,Rick, He's busy.
580,3,Rick,"
through Morty's earpiece Morty, can you hear me? Head North!"
581,3,Morty, Rick... Where am I?
582,3,Rick,"
adjusts his own headset as he stands in the garage Depending on my aim, you should be just south of the entrance."
583,3,Morty,"
through Rick's earpieceThe entrance to what?"
584,3,Rick," Welcome, Morty. The scene cuts back to Morty's view from inside Ruben. Welcome... Morty gasps. ...to Anatomy Park!"
585,3,Rick," It's a little business venture I've been cookin' up on the side with Dr. Bloom. Morty enters the park. An amusement park inside a human body. Science isn't cheap, Morty. This should really help put a dent in the overhead."
586,3,Morty, Oh my God! This is insane! Spleen Mountain? Bladder Falls? Pirates of the Pancreas?
587,3,Rick," You got a problem with that last one, Morty?"
588,3,Morty," Huh? No, no, I'm just reading them out loud in the order I'm seeing them."
589,3,Rick," Okay, alright, if I sounded a little defensive, it's because Pirates of the Pancreas was my baby."
590,3,Rick," I-I got a lot of push-back when I pitched it, Morty. I guess I'm still a little defensive. Let's just find Dr. Bloom, alright? I-I'm picking up a distress signal in the liver, Morty."
591,3,Rick, Proceed to the liver.
592,3,Automated voice, Arriving at 'Liver'.
593,3,Morty,"
stumbles forward and hits his helmet on the window Ow!"
594,3,Automated voice, Mind the gap.
595,3,Morty," It's really scary in here, Rick."
596,3,Rick," Liver's under maintenance. Ruben's seen some rough years, Morty. Don't judge. You don't agree to have a theme park built inside you if your life's going great."
597,3,Morty," OOOOHHH! Rick, it's a monster!"
598,3,Rick," No no, Morty. The only monster here is alco— belch —holism. The wolf is mechanically pulled back into the wall. That is an animatronic werewolf."
599,3,Poncho, Who are you? Answer me! Where did you come from?
600,3,Morty, Mmm! M-M-My-my-my Grandpa Rick sent me!
601,3,Dr. Bloom, Poncho! That's quite enough.
602,3,Dr. Bloom," Morty, that's Poncho. Another man and a girl walk into the room. This is Roger and Annie."
603,3,Morty,"
staring sheepishly at Annie Oh..."
604,3,Dr. Bloom, And I am Dr. Xenon Bloom.
605,3,Rick," Hey Bloom, it's Rick. What the hell's goin' on here?"
606,3,Dr. Bloom," I don't know why, but the entire security system has shut down. And I'm afraid the exhibits are unlocked."
607,3,Morty, Exhibits?
608,3,Dr. Bloom," Anatomy Park's greatest attraction, young man, isn't the music or the food or the Pirates of the Pancreas."
609,3,Rick, Watch it.
610,3,Dr. Bloom, It is first and foremost a living museum of humanity's most noble and ferocious diseases.
611,3,Morty, Diseases?!
612,3,Poncho," Hey Doc, I have news for ya. Hepatitis A lumbers towards the group. Your living museum is officially a wild safari!"
613,3,Roger, Hepatitis A! Run!
614,3,Jacob," Oh... leans over and wipes some food from Joyce's mouth with a napkin The food goes in your mouth, girl!"
615,3,Jerry," Aha... I'm sorry Jacob, I guess I'm still confused about the precise nature and origin of your relationship with my parents. Are you like a—Are you like their caretaker? Is that what it is?"
616,3,Joyce," We can go into detail later, son."
617,3,Leonard," Now wait, there, there's no point to secrecy. Let's all live and die honestly. Your mother and I have shared forty years of each other, mind, body, and soul. Jerry and Jacob smile at each other, but when Jacob looks away, Jerry's smile becomes a glare. And when minds and souls are joined for eternity, and when eternity is at the door, it's an invitation to let go of the body, and an opportunity to share and experiment."
618,3,Jerry," Dad, please, what are you saying?"
619,3,Beth," Whatever it is, it's beautiful Leonard. glares at Jerry And we support you."
620,3,Jerry," Speak for yourself! Because it, heheh, it sounds like you're about to say Jacob is your lover."
621,3,Leonard," No no no no no no. Jerry sighs in relief. Jacob is your mother's lover. Jerry again looks disturbed. I watch them. Sometimes from a chair, sometimes from a closet. Almost always dressed as Superman."
622,3,Jacob," Oh... reaches across the table and puts a hand atop theirs
"
623,3,Jacob," Jerry, this ham's got to be all you, right? It's in-cred-i-ble."
624,3,Summer,"
smirks Happy human holiday, Dad."
625,3,Poncho, AHHHHHH!
626,3,Dr. Bloom, Hepatitis won't follow us into the respiratory system!
627,3,Roger, That's strange... taps the meter Air flow is down twenty percent.
628,3,Dr. Bloom, So the brain isn't getting enough oxygen. That's why security is offline.
629,3,Morty," W-Well, I guess we better check it out."
630,3,Alexander," Hey, wait for me! removes the head of his costume
"
631,3,Dr. Bloom,"
points his cane at Alexander Put that back on!"
632,3,Roger," If we got up to the bronchial catwalk, we could look for blockage."
633,3,Morty,"
raises his hand I'll go. glances at Annie Heheh..."
634,3,Poncho," Don't be a hero, kid."
635,3,Morty," I'm not. I'm doin' it because it's fun. he hops from frond to frond
"
636,3,Poncho,"
cocks his gun We shouldn't be here."
637,3,Dr. Bloom," Whatever you do, don't fire that thing in here! We must save Ruben. This is my life's work."
638,3,Annie, Ah!
639,3,Dr. Bloom," It's alright, my dear. Nearly all human lungs contain a strain of this bacteria, but the scar tissue... prods it with his cane, seeing something has escaped from the scar tissue ...keeps them dormant. looks up toward Morty, who is getting close to the catwalk Morty! Get down!"
640,3,Morty, Whoa! grabs hold of the catwalk as a fluid drips down onto it Whoa!
641,3,Morty, Oh! What are those things?!
642,3,Dr. Bloom," Tuberculosis, coming in fast!"
643,3,Poncho,"
raises gun and starts shooting at the disease Not faster than a bullet! Ahh!"
644,3,Dr. Bloom,"
grabs Poncho's arm No! Do you know what you've done?!"
645,3,Dr. Bloom, Get to the digestive tract! He's coughing!
646,3,Alexander, Waaaah! Don't let me die!
647,3,Rick," Just take a deep breath, Ruben."
648,3,Morty, You're not gonna die! What's your name?
649,3,Alexander, My name is... his hand slips from Morty's and he's coughed up ALEXANDEEEEEEEER!
650,3,Morty, Rick! Ruben's got tuberculosis!
651,3,Rick," Oh, great work, Morty. pulls a massive syringe form his lab coat I'll just cure it, and then—"
652,3,Rick," Okay. Well I can't cure death. This is bad, Morty. You're trapped in a dead man. Listen, if the situation keeps darkening, do yourself a favor—"
653,3,Rick," —and hop by Pirates of the Pancreas. Obviously I'm biased, but, I think it's great, Morty."
654,3,Rick,"
sitting in a lounge chair, pulls out a flask It's a bunch of pirates runnin' around a-a-a- pancreas. We don't whitewash it either, Morty. The pirates are really rapey. The top priority is to get you guys out of there, but I'm just saying, if that becomes impossible—"
655,3,Rick," —please, you gotta treat yourself."
656,3,Morty," Geez, what's that horrible smell?"
657,3,Dr. Bloom," You mean the Panda Express? chuckles Kidding, I-I'm kidding. As he speaks, Poncho and Roger stock up on bottled water from the Panda Express. The body is beginning to constrict and fill with gas. We're inside a corpse, my boy. Anatomy Park is doomed."
658,3,Morty," Forget about the park, Doctor! How do we get out?!"
659,3,Dr. Bloom, The digestive tract is the evacuation route. Get it? There's an emergency station in the colon with a ray that can enlarge us all.
660,3,Morty, Everybody! Get to the colon!
661,3,Poncho, Now I'm takin' orders from a twelve-year-old boy?!
662,3,Dr. Bloom, Morty. The scar sacs containing the tuberculosis were sabotaged. This disaster was an inside job. Keep your eyes on Annie. She was written up several times by her manager at the churro stand.
663,3,Roger, Intestines are ahead to the left. Then the right. Then left. Et cetera.
664,3,Morty," Hey, just so you know, I-I'm actually fourteen. So, you know..."
665,3,Annie, What?
666,3,Morty, Not twelve.
667,3,Annie, Okay.
668,3,Morty, Because he just said I was twelve.
669,3,Annie, Oh. Good for you.
670,3,Rick,"
through speakerOh. Oh, Morty. Strike one."
671,3,Morty,"
slumps forward Nnn..."
672,3,Animatronics,"
singing It's a road of laughter, a trail of food. It's a pathway that breaks up the fat in food. It's a tube in the chest and it sends out the rest. It's a small, small intestine!"
673,3,Roger, It goes on like this for miles...
674,3,Dr. Bloom,"
excitedly And then we get to the large intestine!"
675,3,Poncho, Shh. shines flashlight I hear something.
676,3,Dr. Bloom,"
whispers Don't move. Gonorrhea can't see us if we don't move."
677,3,Dr. Bloom, Wait! I was wrong! I was thinking of a T-rex.
678,3,Annie, We're sitting ducks!
679,3,Morty, Doc! Didn't you say the body was filling up with gas?
680,3,Dr. Bloom, Yes. Why?
681,3,Poncho," Kid! You're a genius! pulls out a match
"
682,3,Dr. Bloom, Are you mad?!
683,3,Morty,"
grabs Annie's hand Everybody! In here!"
684,3,Poncho, Hey Gonorrhea! How's this for a burning sensation?
685,3,Summer,"
singing Drummer, drum, drum, drum! Drummer, drum, drum drum drum, Christmas drums!"
686,3,Leonard," Oh, Summer. Sing it! Haha."
687,3,Summer, Christmas drums being played by a boy!
688,3,Beth," Jerry, come on. This is what you wanted."
689,3,Jerry," I get it, Beth. Be careful what you wish for. I'm being punished for taking your iPad."
690,3,Beth," What? Jerry, let that stuff go, okay? I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier. Let's just be here."
691,3,Ethan, Ugh... Summer!
692,3,Summer,"
stands up Ethan, what are you doing here?"
693,3,Ethan, I've been texting you for hours. What the hell?!
694,3,Summer, I don't have my phone! I'm doing a human holiday!
695,3,Ethan, Did you even consider how that might make me feel?
696,3,Summer, How you feel? Why is everything always happening to you?!
697,3,Jerry,"
stands up Summer, do you have a boyfriend?"
698,3,Ethan," Yeah, do you, Summer?"
699,3,Summer," I don't know Ethan, do I?"
700,3,Jacob,"
stands up and puts a hand on Ethan and Summer's shoulders Jerry, no disrespect, but you really need to connect more with your family, man."
701,3,Roger," I should be able to access the backup generator to get the growth ray back online. If it works, we'll be regular-sized in a few minutes. I just hope Ruben's not in a room with white carpets or upholstery."
702,3,Poncho, What the hell is that?
703,3,Dr. Bloom," The sphincter dam. We built it when Ruben became incontinent, but it was not designed to hold a corpse-load."
704,3,Roger," Almost got it. Everybody, move inside the circle!"
705,3,Morty, Poncho? What is this in your backpack?
706,3,Dr. Bloom," That's bubonic plague! What are you doing with that, Poncho?"
707,3,Poncho, Everybody get back!
708,3,Dr. Bloom," Poncho, you son of a bitch! You released the tuberculosis so you could steal from me?"
709,3,Poncho,"
laughs That's right, baby. A lot of people would pay top dollar to decimate the population. I'll take the highest bidder. Al Quaeda. North Korea. Republicans! Shriners! Balding men that work out! People on the Internet that are only turned on by cartoons of Japanese teenagers! Anything is better than working for you! points the knife at Dr. Bloom You pompous, negligent, iTunes Gift Card as a holiday bonus-giving—"
710,3,Morty, AHHHHH!!!
711,3,Poncho, Ah! Eh! Get! Get off! he backs up and falls over the railing Ahhhh!
712,3,Annie, You guys!
713,3,Roger," It's gonna burst! urges the others on Go! Go, go, go! pulls a lever before trying to run after the others but catches his foot in some of the machinery My foot is stuck!"
714,3,Annie, No!
715,3,Roger," This is okay! It's okay, just go! Tell my family I love them! They may be hard to find because my wife kept her last name and she made the kids take it too, so, I dunno, you can—"
716,3,Annie, No!
717,3,Jacob," Let me ask you something Ethan. Where's the anger coming from, man?"
718,3,Ethan, From Summer being a total bitch!
719,3,Jacob, Where's the anger coming from?
720,3,Ethan, ...My brother... took me fishing once...in the bushes... voice begins choking up as tears fill his eyes I can't... I can't! covers his eyes as he starts to cry He made me feel like a girl! sobbing openly I'm... m-made me a girl!
721,3,Jacob," He didn't make you anything, man. You are who you are. gestures to Summer She is who she is. Summer watches on with a sympathetic expression. Now you go to her. Brand new."
722,3,Ethan, Come here right now!
723,3,Summer," Oh my god, I'm so sorry Ethan! they hug I love you!"
724,3,Ethan, I love you so much.
725,3,Jerry, Um...
726,3,Joyce," You did it again, cubby. Come here."
727,3,Jerry, No! Stop! I hate this!
728,3,Joyce," Well, Christmas doesn't revolve around what you hate, son."
729,3,Jerry," Well then, I hate Christmas! Enjoy being human! You guys are gross and lame."
730,3,Animatronic Ruben," My name's Ruben Ridley. You're inside me right now, but by the end of this journey, I'll be inside all of you."
731,3,Animatronic Ruben, My story begins in the dot com crash in the early '90s.
732,3,Annie,"
whispering to Morty You can put your fingers wherever you want..."
733,3,Rick,"
through speakerMorty, you wanna put it on mute or something? Annie and Morty both look at Morty's helmet, startled.
"
734,3,Rick, I'm trying to concentrate.
735,3,Jerry," Ah, Rick?"
736,3,Rick,"
holds up a hand without even looking over at him Not now, Jerry. I've got much, much smaller fish to fry."
737,3,Jerry,"
enters anyway I wanted to say I'm sorry I ever judged you. leans on the ping pong table, looking down at Ruben's corpse Right now, you're my sanest relative."
738,3,Rick," Relative... That's it! Relative size! Jerry, hand me a scalpel and a bundle of dynamite! into his headset Morty! Can you get to the left nipple?"
739,3,Morty," Are you kidding? I'm hoping I can get to both of them, Rick."
740,3,Rick,"
through speakerMorty, I'm talkin' about Ruben's left nipple!"
741,3,Morty, We need to get to the left nipple!
742,3,Dr. Bloom," The body is decaying! Bits of debris begin to fall from the 'ceiling'. The arterial transit system is useless! We can try the service shuttle. It's connected to the skeletal system. That's why we call it the Bone Train. to Annie Would you like to ride the Bone Train, miss?"
743,3,Annie, If it'll get us out of here.
744,3,Dr. Bloom," How about you, Morty? Would you like to ride the Bone Train?"
745,3,Morty, Why are you doing this bit? We're gonna die. Let's go.
746,3,Jerry," Well, I can see that you're busy... Merry Christmas, Rick."
747,3,Dr. Bloom, There's no autopilot. One of us will have to stay here and operate it manually.
748,3,Morty," ...Uh, well..."
749,3,Dr. Bloom," No, you're right. It was a dick move for me to even pause like that. This is all my fault. You go on."
750,3,Annie,"
points What the hell is that?"
751,3,Dr. Bloom, E. coli outbreak. Hurry!
752,3,Dr. Bloom," Oh wait, there is an autopilot. E. coli surround him. WAAAIT! ...OKAY, NEVER MIND, I WANTED TO SACRIFICE MYSELF ANYWAAAAAYYYY!"
753,3,Annie, They're chewing through the doors!
754,3,Morty," Euuuugh! grabs a fire extinguisher and beats the E. coli off the train with it We're in the areola, Rick! Almost to the nipple! But we're also in a really bad situation!"
755,3,Rick," I'm almost there, Morty!"
756,3,Reporter, Reports are coming in from across the country about what appears to be a giant naked man over the continental United States. We now go to Tom Randolph in New York. Tom?
757,3,Tom," Well, his eyes aren't twinkling, and his dimples aren't merry, but I'm standing under a nose like a seventy-mile cherry!"
758,3,Reporter," Thank you, Tom. Let's go now to Eric McMan in Los Angeles."
759,3,Eric," We've got feet here on the West Coast, Bill! Giant feet, even relative to the giant man's size! And you know what they say about that!"
760,3,Reporter," Well, if the old adage is true, one can only wonder what is going down in the Rocky Mountains."
761,3,Morty," Oh my god, the track!"
762,3,Annie, It's Hepatitis A!
763,3,Annie, The nipple hole...
764,3,Morty, It's beautiful...
765,3,Annie, Aw no!
766,3,Annie, Whoa! It's Hepatitis C!
767,3,Morty, Um... We... Did we have some sort of relationship with him?
768,3,Annie, I... think they're just like that? I think they're just good guys.
769,3,Morty, Oh. Huh.
770,3,Rick, Where's Dr. Bloom?
771,3,Morty, Sorry Rick... He's dead...
772,3,Rick," Goddamn it, Morty, I ask you to do one thing!"
773,3,Beth, Jerry doesn't know what he's missing.
774,3,Jacob," He'll come around, Beth. Christmas is a special time. It has funny ways of bringing families together."
775,3,Beth," I dunno, Jacob. Jerry got an invitation to be alive today, and he rejected it. I don't know if our marriage will—"
776,3,Summer, It's raining blood!
777,3,Jacob," Listen, find Jerry!"
778,3,Beth, Oh god.
779,3,Beth, Jerry!
780,3,Jerry,"
stands and hugs her It's alright! The TV says there's nothing to worry about."
781,3,Reporter on TV, The giant naked sky Santa has exploded. Blood and chunks of viscera are raining down on the country. Everything should be fine.
782,3,Summer," Dad, can I have my phone back?"
783,3,Jerry," Sure, sweetie. pulls out the stocking and gives Summer her phone, then gives Beth her tablet Everybody, take a device. It'll help you relax."
784,3,Jacob, This is nice.
785,3,Jerry," Yeah. puts an arm around Beth and Jacob I guess we really learned something this Christmas, Jacob."
786,3,Summer," No we didn't, Dad. No we didn't."
787,3,Rick," Too bad about Dr. Bloom. Rick, Annie, and Morty exit the car He was a genius. The only man capable of creating a new Anatomy Park."
788,3,Annie," Actually, I studied Dr. Bloom's work. I believe I have the knowledge necessary to create a new, much safer park!"
789,3,Rick, What about Pirates of the Pancreas...?
790,3,Annie, I think it was one of the most underrated attractions.
791,3,Rick, Booyah! Hold your breath!
792,3,Morty," Hey, wh-wh- What the hell, Rick? What the hell, man? I liked her! I really had somethin' going there, Rick!"
793,3,Rick," Yeah, so I heard. You dodged a bullet, Morty, trust me. whispers Puffy vagina."
794,3,Morty, W-What's wrong with that? That doesn't sound like a problem to me! I dunno!
795,3,Rick," C'mon. Let's get some stuffing, I'm starving."
796,3,Rick," Oh, unbelievable. We got a bunch of robot computer people sittin' around with their faces stuffed in computer screens. No one acknowledges him. Do you realize Christ was born today? Jesus Christ our Savior was born today! A-A-A-Are you people even human? What kind of Christmas is this?"
797,3,Annie,"
through speaker phoneHey Rick! Rick, can you hear me?"
798,3,Rick," Loud and clear, Annie."
799,3,Annie," Great! We're also on with Alejandro, our Chief Imaginarian—"
800,3,Alejandro, Hey Rick.
801,3,Annie," Natalie Jacobs and Chris Desiter from Microscopic Marketing, Zach from Organ Concepts and Jamie from New Media."
802,3,Rick, Hey everybody.
803,3,All," Hey, hi Rick, how's it goin'. etc.
"
804,3,Annie, So. Pirates of the Pancreas.
805,3,Rick," Yeah, talk to me."
806,3,Alejandro," Hey Rick, it's Alejandro speaking. Um, so we asked ourselves internally, we asked ourselves over here, “Okay, what does a pancreas do?” Rick begins to look agitated. And the answer was, does it make pirates? No. It makes insulin, you know? So we're starting with a new—"
807,3,Ethan," So those guys are inside me, huh? Like, building a park?"
808,3,Rick," Those guys are inside you building a piece of shit, Ethan! They're inside you building a monument to compromise! Fuck. Fuck those people. Fuck this whole thing, Ethan."
809,3,Ethan, ... Cool. And who pays me?
810,4,Rick:," T-t-t-this is just sloppy craftsmanship.
"
811,4,Morty," Hey, Rick. Boy, sure is really especially beautiful out there today,
huh?
"
812,4,Rick:," Oh, yes, Morty. It's almost "
813,4,Morty:," Yeah, you know? There's something about the air. And just the way the sunshine is.
"
814,4,Rick:," Oh, sure, buddy. Yeah. Sure. B-brilliant. Very convincing.
"
815,4,Morty:," Wh… convincing?
"
816,4,Rick:," Oh! Responsive, too! In real time! I love it!
"
817,4,Morty:," Uhhokay.
"
818,4,Beth," *robotic* I’m going to work. Morty, good morning. Dad, good morning. I am going to work. Goodbye. (Beth drives away.)
"
819,4,Morty:," What's with Mom?
"
820,4,Rick:," Oh, what's with Mom? So, you're saying that she's acting weird? How soph—*burp*—isticated. Careful, guys. You're gonna burn out the CPU with this one.
"
821,4,Morty:," Okay, you know what, Rick? You're acting weird, too.
"
822,4,Rick:," Whatever, quote-unquote “Morty.”
"
823,4,Morty:," Alright, well I'll see you after school. (Walks into the side of the garage.) Ow! Oof! Ugh! Damn it! I'm all right. I'm okay.
"
824,4,Mr. Goldenfold," Alright, who can tell me what 5 x 9 is? (Students whisper.) Morty?
"
825,4,Morty:," Uh, me?
"
826,4,Mr. Goldenfold:," What is 5 x 9?
"
827,4,Morty:," Um, you know, it's, uh, at least 40.
"
828,4,Mr. Goldenfold:," Morty, that's exactly correct! 5 x 9 "
829,4,Jessica," Whoo! Way to go, Morty!
"
830,4,Mr. Goldenfold:," Everybody, this is the best student. I want you to be the teacher today. *sits down at a desk* Teach us, Morty!
"
831,4,Rick:," *spying from outside* Interesting…
"
832,4,Morty:," W-w-w-what do you want me to teach you?
"
833,4,Student:," Ooh, ooh! How do you make "
834,4,Mr. Goldenfold:," Oh, that's a good question.
"
835,4,Morty:," Concentrated huh?
"
836,4,Mr. Goldenfold:," Concentrated dark matter. The fuel for accelerated space travel. Now, do you know how to make it?
"
837,4,Morty:," Uhhh…
"
838,4,Jessica:," Come on, Morty. Isn't your grandpa, like, a scientist?
"
839,4,Morty:," Oh, yeah, but, you know, he told me that I shouldn't go around spouting off about, you know, his science and stuff.
"
840,4,Jessica:," I bet you've seen him make concentrated dark matter a lot. You know, if you tell us, I’ll be your girlfriend.
"
841,4,Morty:," Uh, y-you will?
"
842,4,Mr. Goldenfold:," Seems like a rare opportunity, Morty.
"
843,4,Rick:," *kicks open the door* Morty, u-uh, come on. There's a family emergency.
"
844,4,Mr. Goldenfold:," Stop right there! If he leaves, I'm giving him an F!
"
845,4,Rick:," He doesn't care.
"
846,4,Morty:," Aw, man! (Rick drags him to the locker room.) Rick, I have to go back! I think I was about to get married! *falls down* Ugh!
"
847,4,Rick:," Take a shower with me, Morty.
"
848,4,Morty:," What?!
"
849,4,Rick:," Listen to me, Morty. Get your clothes off and get in the shower right now. *strips* Y-y-y-you got to trust me, Morty.
"
850,4,Morty:," Ugh! I'm gonna get an F in class, Rick. *strips*
"
851,4,Rick:," Morty, that's not class. T-t-t-that wasn't your teacher. This isn't your school. This entire world is not the world. We're
inside a huge simulation chamber on an alien spaceship.
"
852,4,Morty:," Wait a minute. W-what are you talking about?
"
853,4,Rick:," It’s all fake *burps* Morty, all of it. Nanobotic renderings, a bunch of… crazy, fake nonsense, Morty. I couldn't say so until we
got in the shower. They won't monitor us in here.
"
854,4,Morty:," Monitor us?! *looks around and tries to cover himself* W-who?!
"
855,4,Rick:, 
856,4,Morty:," Aw, come on, Rick. If everyone’s just gonna be insane today, at least let me be insane with Jessica.
"
857,4,Rick:," I can’t let you do that, Morty.
"
858,4,Morty:," Give it to me!
"
859,4,Rick:," No! You give it to me!
"
860,4,Morty:," G-g-give it!
"
861,4,Rick:," Morty, come on! Morty!
"
862,4,Morty:," No, Rick!
"
863,4,Zigerion 1:," Oh, god, sir! They're still naked! Ugh.
"
864,4,Prince Nebulon," Well, check every five quintons and tell me when they're not!
"
865,4,Zigerion 1:," I think we should make Kevin look, sir.
"
866,4,Kevin," What?! No! W-w-why would you even say that?
"
867,4,Stu," Uh, sir, we have a situation over here.
"
868,4,Prince Nebulon:," If there's a wiener on that monitor, I swear to god, Stu.
"
869,4,Stu:," Something is drawing a lot of processing power. Oh, wait. No wonder. ("
870,4,Jerry:," Okay, Jerry, big pitch meeting. Make-or-break time. *trims nostril hairs while driving* You can do this.
"
871,4,Prince Nebulon:," How did this happen?! Where's the Abductions Department?
"
872,4,Zigerion 2:," Hey, man, Abductions just follows the acquisition order.
"
873,4,Zigerion 3:," Don't put this on Acquisitions! We only acquire humans that haven't been simulated!
"
874,4,Kevin:," Well, Simulations doesn't simulate anybody that's been abducted, so—
"
875,4,Prince Nebulon:," Oh, I see! Oh, oh! It was no one's fault. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Well, then, problem solved. Oh, wait no. *shouts* There's still another human in here! Who is he?
"
876,4,Stu:," Rick's son-in-law, Jerry Smith. So far, he hasn't noticed he's in a simulation.
"
877,4,Prince Nebulon:," *sighs* Well, cap his sector at 5% processing, keep his settings on auto, and we'll deal with him later. Rick Sanchez is the target.
"
878,4,Jerry:," *inhales deeply* Gotta relax. It's just a pitch. Gotta relax.
"
879,4,Radio:," This is earth radio. And now, here's…human music.
"
880,4,Jerry:," Hmm. Human music. I like it. *rocks head side to
side in rhythm with the music*
"
881,4,Morty:," Rick!
"
882,4,Rick:," Uhp, uhp, uhp! Morty, keep your hands off your ding-dong! It's the only way we can speak freely.
Look around you, Morty. Do you really think this world is real? You'd have to be an idiot not to notice all the sloppy details. Look, that guy's putting a
bun between two hot dogs.
"
883,4,Morty:," I don't know, Rick. I mean, I’ve seen people do that before.
"
884,4,Rick:," Well, look at that old lady. She's, she's walking a cat on a leash.
"
885,4,Morty:," Uh, Mrs. Spencer does that all the time, Rick.
"
886,4,Rick:," Look, I-I-I don't wanna hear about Mrs. Spencer, Morty! She's an idiot! Alright, alright, there. W-what about that, Morty?
"
887,4,Morty:," Okay, okay, you got me on that one.
"
888,4,Rick:," Oh, really, Morty? Are you sure you haven't seen that somewhere in real life before?
"
889,4,Morty:," No, no. I haven't seen that. I mean, why would a Poptart wanna live inside a toaster, Rick? I mean, that would be, like, the scariest place for them to live. You know what I mean?
"
890,4,Rick:," You're missing the point, Morty. Why would he drive a smaller toaster with wheels? I mean, does your car look like a smaller version of your house? No.
"
891,4,Morty:," So, why are they doing this? W-what do they want? 
"
892,4,Rick:," Well, that would be obvious to you, Morty, if you'd been paying attention.
"
893,4,Paramedic:," We got the president of the United States in here! We need 10cc of concentrated dark matter, stat, or he'll die!
"
894,4,Morty:," Concentrated dark matter! They were asking about that in class.
"
895,4,Rick:," Yeah, it's a special fuel I invented to travel through
space faster than anybody else. These Zigerions are always trying to scam me out of my secrets, but they made a big mistake this time, Morty. They dragged you into this. Now they're gonna pay!
"
896,4,Morty:," Wait, wha, w-w-what are we gonna do?
"
897,4,Rick:," We'll scam the scammers, Morty. And we're gonna take them for everything they've got.
"
898,4,Jerry:," National Apple Farmers of America…
"
899,4,Jerry:," Welcome to our ad agency. I'm Jerry Smith. (Audience stares blankly.) Alright. I'll just get to the pitch. Um, simple question,
gentlemen, *hoarsely* what are apples? *clears throat* Excuse me. *drinks some
water* Ahh. *coughs, clears throat* What are apples? *pulls poster board to the front of the room* Apples are food. And when do we need food? When we're hungry. (Audience stares blankly.) With that, I give you your new slogan! (Flips paper to reveal sign saying “Hungry for Apples?” Audience continues staring.) Well, say something! Do you like it?
"
900,4,Jerry:," You do?
"
901,4,All:," Yes.
"
902,4,Jerry:," So I sold it? I sold the idea?
"
903,4,All:," Yes.
"
904,4,Jerry:," Oh my god! Thank you!
"
905,4,All:," *shaking each others’ hands* Thank you. You're welcome.
"
906,4,Jerry:," Hey! I just sold my first pitch!
"
907,4,Old man:," Slow down!
"
908,4,Woman:," Lookin' good.
"
909,4,Mailman:," My man!
"
910,4,Simulation Beth:," (at Simulation Smith house) *answers phone* Hello.
"
911,4,Jerry:," Guess who just sold the apples campaign.
"
912,4,Simulation Beth:," Who just sold the apples campaign?
"
913,4,Jerry:," Me! I guess it wasn't a rip-off of ""got milk?"" after all. Guess someone was wrong.
"
914,4,Simulation Beth:," Yes.
"
915,4,Jerry:," Well, all is forgiven, because right now, I’ve got an erection the size
of an East Coast lighthouse, and I’m coming home to share it with my beautiful
wife.
"
916,4,Simulation Beth:," Okay.
"
917,4,Jerry:," Wait, really?
"
918,4,Simulation Beth:," Yes.
"
919,4,Jerry:," Yes! See you in 10 minutes! *hangs up, shouts* Hey! I'm going to make love to my wife!
"
920,4,Woman:," Lookin' good.
"
921,4,Old man:," Slow down!
"
922,4,Mailman:," My man! *glitches into a tree*
"
923,4,Morty:," Aw, geez, Rick. I-I don't know if I like this plan,you know? I mean, crowds, t-t-t-they have a tendency to make me really nervous.
"
924,4,Rick:," Morty, relax. It's just a bunch of 1s and 0s out there. You're gonna be fine. (Lowers Morty’s pants slightly and puts a hat on him.) Just follow my lead. (Rick and Morty fist bump.) Yo, deejay, drop that beat.
"
925,4,Rick:," Uh-oh, Morty. This
crowd looks too small for one of our famous rap concerts. I don't think we can
perform our new song, ""The Recipe for Concentrated Dark Matter,"" for a crowd this tiny.
"
926,4,Rick:," Now that’s more like it! Morty, here we go. Let me hear everybody say ""hey-oh!"" yeah! (Crowd cheers.) All the ladies say, ""yeah!"" (Ladies cheer.) Everybody over thirty, do this with your hands! Everybody with a red shirt, jump up and down! (People start glitching.)
"
927,4,Jerry:," *kisses Beth, who is still in front of the phone* Mm. Mm. Mm. Yeah, don't move. Mm, mm, mm, mm! Mm!
"
928,4,Rick:," Yo, everyone whose first name begins with an ""L"" who isn't Hispanic, walk in a circle the same number of times as the square root of your age times ten! (Simulation freezes. Rick and Morty jump offstage.) Run, Morty! Before the system reboots!
"
929,4,Jerry:," Yeah! You like that? Now who's unremarkable? You hungry for apples? Are you hungry for apples?!
"
930,4,Jerry:," Oh, my god. That's the best sex I've ever had in my life. It's… it's too good. I don't deserve this, Beth. I'm a fraud.
"
931,4,Morty:," Oh, man, Rick! W-w-w-where we running to?
"
932,4,Rick:," Out of the simulation, Morty. Normally, the chamber
operates like a treadmill, with the virtual world disappearing behind us and being rendered in front of us as we move through it, but while it's frozen, Morty, we can get to…the edge. Here we go. *jumps off the edge*
"
933,4,Morty:," Holy crap!
"
934,4,Rick:," Come on, Morty.
"
935,4,Morty:," *jumps off edge*
"
936,4,Zigerion:," Sir, they're over the edge.
"
937,4,Prince Nebulon:," Yes, they are. Just as planned. *evil laughter, others join in* Oh, this is going to be such a mindfuck!
"
938,4,Rick:," Keep your eyes peeled for the central processing room, Morty. That's how we're gonna scam these idiots.
"
939,4,Morty:," So, hey, why do these aliens keep coming after you, Rick, if you're so much smarter than them?
"
940,4,Rick:," It's an obsession for them at this point. The Zigerions have been trying to outsmart me for years, Morty. Every time they do, I'm one step ahead of them. *finds central processing room* Aha! Here we go. *starts collecting chips* Grab as many processors as you can carry, Morty. These guys aren't good at much, but they're really good at making these chips.
"
941,4,Morty:," I’ve got so many, I can barely hold them all! *holding chips in his shirt* Look at, look at this. Oops. I dropped one.
"
942,4,Rick:," Don't worry about it, Morty. There's plenty of them, you little goofball. (Both laugh and toss chips at each other playfully.) Come here, Morty! Oh, I gotcha!
"
943,4,Morty:," Come on, quit it, Rick! Quit it!
"
944,4,Rick:," Nothing wrong with just a little bit of horseplay every now and then, little fella.
"
945,4,Morty:," Wow. What do you know? Huh. That was easy.
"
946,4,Rick:," Totes malotes, dawg.
"
947,4,Morty:," Just kind of hard to believe, you know?
"
948,4,Rick:," Believe it, Morty. And once again, I'm flying away with everything I can carry, and the Zigerions got nothing of mine.
"
949,4,Jerry:," Mr. Marklevitz, do you have a minute to talk?
"
950,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
951,4,Jerry:," Look, I’m a fraud. I mean, let's face it. ""Hungry for apples"" is just a rip-off of ""Got milk?"" It's almost identical.
"
952,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
953,4,Jerry:," Okay. I deserve that. Um, I guess I'll just pack up my desk.
"
954,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
955,4,Jerry:," *crying* Oh my god. Wait. You know what?! No! The milk people don't have
a patent on simple rhetorical questions! Y-You— There's not even a single word in ""Hungry for Apples"" that's shared by ""Got milk?"" It's a completely different slogan. It's different! And I shouldn't be fired. I should be promoted!
"
956,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
957,4,Jerry:," Yeah! Wait. Really?
"
958,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
959,4,Jerry:," Yes! I mean, it may be derivative, but it's the most successful campaign to come out of this agency in a long time.
"
960,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
961,4,Jerry:," I-I’m not saying it should win an award for commercials, but it could certainly be nominated for an award for commercials specifically about apples, like an Appley or something.
"
962,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
963,4,Jerry:," Is there really an award called the Appley for apple-related ad campaigns?
"
964,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
965,4,Jerry:," Could we nominate me?
"
966,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," *snaps fingers* Yes.
"
967,4,Jerry:," Holy crap!
"
968,4,Rick:," Get in, Morty. I'm gonna be able to use these processors to make some real important science stuff. (Keypad beeps.) Huh. I thought I entered the code right. (Keypad beeps.)
"
969,4,Prince Nebulon:," Well, what's this? W-what could this possibly be? Because it looks like you're inside a simulation…inside a simulation. You're still on the ship. Game-day bucket go boom!
"
970,4,Cynthia," Sir, the, uh, doctor's appointment to examine the discoloration on your butthole flaps was—
"
971,4,Prince Nebulon:," Too loud, Cynthia. Too loud and too specific.
"
972,4,Rick:," Uhh…
"
973,4,Prince Nebulon:," We've known how to make concentrated dark matter for a long time. But now we also know the code to your fabled safe, Rick Sanchez! All your most valuable secrets will now be ours!
"
974,4,Rick:," Uh, yeah, until I get home before you and change
the combination, you bunch of idiots!
"
975,4,Prince Nebulon:," That is why you're never getting home.
Get them!
"
976,4,Rick:," RUN MORTY!
"
977,4,Morty:," Oh my god!
"
978,4,Jerry:," I got to tell you, this morning, I didn't even
know this award existed. Now I'm holding one. And, um… Look, I want to say that today was the best day of my life But the truth is, it's, it's more meaningful than that.
"
979,4,Mailman:," My man!
"
980,4,Jerry:," Yes. Thank you, sir. I am finally complete!
"
981,4,Mailmen:," My my my my man!
"
982,4,Jerry:," Aah! What the hell?! (Appley award glitches out of existence.) No.
"
983,4,Rick:," Jerry?!
"
984,4,Morty:," Dad!
"
985,4,Rick:," What are you doing here? W-why are you dressed like a waiter? Screw it. We don't have time. Come on. *starts dragging Jerry with them*
"
986,4,Jerry:," *sobbing* No!
"
987,4,Rick:," Man up, Jerry! I may need you to work the lasers.
"
988,4,Morty:," Oh, man! They're hot on our tail, Rick!
"
989,4,Rick:," I guess they really do have concentrated dark matter.
"
990,4,Morty:," Well, you know how to make it, too, right, Rick?
"
991,4,Rick:," Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, check the engine room. We just need cesium, Plutonic quarks, and bottled water.
"
992,4,Morty:," Whoa! It's all here, Rick!
"
993,4,Rick:," Wow, Morty. Lucky break. Grab that bucket. Okay, two parts Plutonic quarks, one part cesium.
"
994,4,Morty:," Okay. Uh-huh. Alright.
"
995,4,Rick:," Now empty the water bottle into the bucket and pour it all into the fuel tank so we can get the hell out of here! What are you doing, Morty?! There's no time!
"
996,4,Morty:," *freezes up*
"
997,4,Rick:," Oh, no.
"
998,4,Jerry:," What the…?
"
999,4,Rick:," No!
"
1000,4,Prince Nebulon:," *laughing* Oh my god, Rick. How dumb are you? You're inside a simulation of a simulation…inside another giant simulation! *laughs harder* W-we never had the recipe for concentrated dark matter. But we do now! We do now, sucka!
"
1001,4,Rick:," You simulated my grandson's genitalia?! Y-y-you bunch of diabolical sons of bitches!
"
1002,4,Zigerion 1:," Kevin fought real hard to supervise that project.
"
1003,4,Kevin:," You said you weren't gonna tell anyone! I'm never gonna live this down, am I?
"
1004,4,Rick:," All right. Okay. All right, great. Wonderful. You win. Can we go home now?
"
1005,4,Zigerion 1:," I don't know. Can you?
"
1006,4,Prince Nebulon:," Ha! *fist bumps* Nice. Okay, okay. Show this gullible turd to his shuttle. I'm done with him. Oh, wait. Let me get a picture. *snaps a selfie of himself with Rick* Aww. Look at his face. He's trying to figure out if He's in a simulation still. Are you, Rick? Are you? *laughs, walks away* You're not. *walks back* Or are you? (Rick and Jerry leave.) *shouts after them* Oh, a-and, by the way, I don't have discolored butthole flaps. That was part of the simulation.
"
1007,4,Cynthia:," Oh. Uh, sir, should I cancel that appointment, then?
"
1008,4,Prince Nebulon:," *loudly* Yeah! Of course you should! *to Cynthia* No, keep it. Move it up, actually, if you can.
"
1009,4,Rick:," Hey, Jerry, don't worry about it. So what if the most meaningful day of your
life was a simulation operating at minimum capacity?
"
1010,4,Jerry:," You know what, Rick? Those guys took you for a ride, too. You should try having a little respect for the dummies of the universe, now that you're one of us.
"
1011,4,Rick:," Maybe you're right, Jerry. Maybe you're right.
"
1012,4,Prince Nebulon:," All right, everybody. Two parts Plutonic quarks… One part cesium…. A-and listen, I’m sorry for shouting earlier. I-I couldn't ask for a better staff. I love you guys, and I love all your families. *readies water bottle* And the final ingredient…
"
1013,4,Jerry:," Whoa! What the hell?! W-what happened back there?
"
1014,4,Rick:," Why don't you ask the smartest people in the
universe, Jerry? Oh, yeah. You can't. They blew up.
"
1015,4,Jerry:," So… What do you think?
"
1016,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," You're fired.
"
1017,4,Jerry:," Wha--? But t-this idea was tested in a state-of-the-art simulation.
"
1018,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," Well, then, it was a terrible simulation. Get out.
"
1019,4,Mr. Marklevitz:," Man, how does a guy like that go home and have sex with his wife?
"
1020,4,Rick:," Hey, Morty.
"
1021,4,Morty:," What?
"
1022,4,Rick:," Hey, little buddy. H-h-how you doing in here right now?
"
1023,4,Morty:," Aw, geez, Rick. What are you doing, man?
"
1024,4,Rick:," Y-y-you're a good kid, Morty. Y-you're a real l-little c-character, Morty.
"
1025,4,Morty:," Oh, boy.
"
1026,4,Rick:," You know, I had a really rocky road today, M-Morty. You're my little friend, aren't you? We had some good times together, huh, M-Morty? We You're a real true hero out in the field. You're a... You're a real trouper, huh, M-M-Morty?
"
1027,4,Morty:," Have you been drinking, Rick?
"
1028,4,Rick:," I really appreciate you, Morty.
"
1029,4,Morty:," O-okay, cool. A-alright, Rick
"
1030,4,Rick:," *suddenly aggressive, holds a knife to Morty’s throat* You little son of a bitch! Y-y- are you a simulation?! Huh?! Are you a simulation?!
"
1031,4,Morty:," No! No! No!
"
1032,4,Rick:," You little son of a bitch!
"
1033,4,Morty:," *terrified, gasps*
"
1034,4,Rick:," I-I-I’m sorry, Morty. Y-you're a good… You're a good kid, Morty.
"
1035,4,Morty:," Geez!
"
1036,4,Rick:," Y-you're a good… You're a good kid. *passes out*
"
1037,4,Morty:," Oh my god!
"
1038,4,Rick:," *snores*
"
1039,4,Morty:," W-w-what the hell? What a life.
"
1040,5,Rick:," Run!
"
1041,5,"Jerry, Beth, and","
Summer:"
1042,5,Rick:," Morty,
do it! Hit the button now!
"
1043,5,Morty:," I can’t
do it, Rick! They’re my parents and sister!
"
1044,5,Rick:," *holding
off the clones* Morty, I already told you, it’s not your family! They’re clones
from an alternate reality possessed by demonic alien spirits from another
dimension’s future! Do you need a mnemonic device or something? Just hit the
button already!
"
1045,5,Beth:," Morty,
please. I love you, sweetheart.
"
1046,5,Morty:," Ohhhh…
"
1047,5,Rick:," Good
work, Morty.
"
1048,5,Rick:," *holding
up the device and smiling* Y-You know, these demonic alien spirits are really
valuable!
"
1049,5,Rick:," You
okay, Morty? Told you not to trust that tuna.
"
1050,5,Morty:," I just
killed my family! I don’t care what they were!
"
1051,5,Rick:," I dunno,
Morty. Some people would pay top dollar for that kinda breakthrough.
"
1052,5,Morty:," Y-You
know what, Rick? That’s it! I-I’m done with these…insane adventures! That was
really traumatizing! I quit! I’m out!
"
1053,5,Rick:," Whoa
whoa whoa, *grabs Morty’s shoulder, stopping him* come on, Morty! D-D-Don’t be
like that! The universe is a crazy and chaotic place!
"
1054,5,Morty:," *pushes
Rick’s hands away* You’re the one that’s crazy and chaotic! Adventures are
supposed to be simple! And fun!
"
1055,5,Rick:," Oh yeah,
Morty. Yeah, t-t-that- that’s real easy to say from the sidekick position.
But—But, uh, h-how about next time you be in charge, then we’ll talk about how
simple and fun it is.
"
1056,5,Morty:,"
*suddenly excited* Seriously Rick?! Y-You’ll let me call the shots?
"
1057,5,Rick:," Okay,
fine. But let’s make it interesting, Morty. I-I-If your adventure sucks, and we
bail halfway through it, you lose the right to bitch about all future
adventures. Plus, you have to do my laundry for a month.
"
1058,5,Morty,": Okay, all right, tough guy! But if my adventure's good... I get to be in charge of every third adventure!
"
1059,5,Rick,": Every 10th.
"
1060,5,Morty,": Deal. All right. Well, come on, let's get going.
"
1061,5,Beth,": Dad, the dishwasher's doing that thing again.
"
1062,5,Rick,": Washing dishes?
"
1063,5,Beth,": No. The opposite. Can you fix it?
"
1064,5,Summer,": Grandpa Rick, can you help me with my science homework?
"
1065,5,Rick,": Yeah just don't do it.
"
1066,5,Summer,": Grandpa!
"
1067,5,Jerry: ,"Hey, Rick, you got some kind of hand-shaped device that can open this mayonnaise jar?
"
1068,5,Rick: ,"Wow. Hat trick. All right, Morty, let's put a pin in this. I got to help your pathetic family.
"
1069,5,Morty: ,"Oh, that sounds like something a chicken would say. Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.
"
1070,5,Rick: ,"Oh, Morty, you done did it this time. It's on. I can't wait to watch your adventure lay a huge fart. As for you dingdongs... This is a Meeseeks box. Let me show you how it works. You press this.
"
1071,5,Meeseeks: ,"I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
"
1072,5,Rick: ,"You make a request. Mr. Meeseeks, open Jerry's stupid mayonnaise jar.
"
1073,5,Meeseeks: ,"Yes, siree!
"
1074,5,Rick: ,"The Meeseeks fulfills the request.
"
1075,5,Meeseeks: ,"All done!
"
1076,5,Jerry:," [amazed] Wow!
"
1077,5,Rick: ,"And then it stops existing.
"
1078,5,Summer: ,"Oh, my God, he exploded!
"
1079,5,Rick: ,"Trust me, they're fine with it. Knock yourselves out just keep your requests simple. They're not gods.
"
1080,5,Morty: ,"All right! Get out of here now! Everybody out of here! I got a bet to win!
"
1081,5,Beth: ,"So many possibilities.
"
1082,5,Summer,": My mind is racing.
"
1083,5,Jerry,": If we're gonna use this thing, which I'm not even sure we should, we need to keep it simple.
"
1084,5,Meeseeks,": I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
"
1085,5,Summer,": I want to be popular at school!
"
1086,5,Meeseeks,": Ooh, okay!
"
1087,5,Jerry,": Summer, what did I just-
"
1088,5,Meeseeks 2,": Ooh, I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
"
1089,5,Beth,": I want I want to be a more complete woman!
"
1090,5,Jerry,": Beth!
"
1091,5,Meeseeks 2,": Oh, yeah! Yes, ma'am!
"
1092,5,Jerry,": You guys are doing it wrong. He said ""simple.""
"
1093,5,Meeseeks 3,": Hey, there. I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
"
1094,5,Jerry,": Mr. Meeseeks, I would like to take two strokes off my golf game.
"
1095,5,Meeseeks 3,": Ooh, yeah! Can do!
"
1096,5,Jerry,": Nailed it.
"
1097,5,Rick,": God, Morty, what a boring start to an adventure. Why didn't we just go to Kentucky?
"
1098,5,Morty,": Rick, this is a fantasy-type world with creatures and all sorts of fantasy things. We're going on a quest, okay?
"
1099,5,Rick,": Can't wait.
"
1100,5,Morty,": Ahem. Excuse me! We are two humble heroes in search of adventure!
"
1101,5,Rick,": Oh, my God, so embarrassing.
"
1102,5,Villager (man),": At last! Two heroes! You must help us! This village is terribly poor, yet the giant that lives in the clouds above has untold treasures!
"
1103,5,Morty,": You know what? I accept your call to adventure, good sir, kind sir. Come on, Rick. There's a giant in the clouds!
"
1104,5,Rick,": Yeah. Beginner's luck.
"
1105,5,Meeseeks 1,": In conclusion, a friendship with Summer Smith is the most valuable and enriching experience of your young lives. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! Thank you!
"
1106,5,Principal Gene V.,": Uh, Mr. Meeseeks, was it? Yeah. Gene Vagina. Listen, I'm in a bit of custody thing with my ex and was wondering- (Meeseeks 1 stops existing)- No, I'll get your info from Summer.
"
1107,5,Beth,": I got pregnant at 17. I mean, I still put myself through veterinary school. Yes, I'm successful, but what if I hadn't...-(Meeseeks 2 stares attentively)- I'm just saying, somewhere along the way, I lost that wide-eyed girl from muskegon.
"
1108,5,Meeseeks 2,": She's still there, Beth.
"
1109,5,Beth,": Well, her waistline isn't.
"
1110,5,Meeseeks 2,": Beth, having a family doesn't mean that you stop being an individual. You know the best thing you can do for people that depend on you? Be honest with them, even if it means setting them free.
"
1111,5,Beth,": You're saying I should leave Jerry. (Beth starts to cry) I can't believe I'm finally having this conversation.
"
1112,5,Waiter (man),": More wine?
"
1113,5,Beth,": I think I've had enough.
"
1114,5,Meeseeks 3,": Remember to square your shoulders, Jerry.
"
1115,5,Jerry,": Yeah, yeah. I got it.
"
1116,5,Meeseeks 3,": That's okay. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! Try again and keep your head down.
"
1117,5,Jerry,": Okay, well, which is it? Square my shoulders or keep my head down?
"
1118,5,Meeseeks 3,": Well, it's both. But most importantly, you got to relax.
"
1119,5,Jerry,": You know what, Mr. Meeseeks? I don't think this is working. I give up.
"
1120,5,Meeseeks 3 (nervous),": I'm sorry, Jerry, but it doesn't work like that. I'm Mr. Meeseeks. I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away. Look at me.
"
1121,5,Jerry,": Well, make yourself comfortable, because I suck.
"
1122,5,Meeseeks 3,": No, Jerry, I'm the one who SUCKS! Let me try something.
"
1123,5,Meeseeks 4,": I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
"
1124,5,Meeseeks 3,": Hi, Mr. Meeseeks! I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.
"
1125,5,Meeseeks 4,": Hi!
"
1126,5,Meeseeks 3,": Can you help me get two strokes off of Jerry's golf swing?
"
1127,5,Meeseeks 4,": Can do! I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Is he keeping his shoulders squared?
"
1128,5,Meeseeks 3,": Ooh, he's trying!
"
1129,5,Rick,": All right, Morty. We're in your stupid giant's castle. What do we do next?
"
1130,5,Morty,": Would you just relax, Rick? All we got to do is find the treasure room, okay? It's nice and simple. You know, I'm sorry everything's going so smoothly and adventurously.
"
1131,5,Rick (sarcastic),": Uh-oh, Morty. Startin' to get a little hairy. What do you want to do, boss?
"
1132,5,Morty,": Come on, hurry. Behind this cookie jar.
"
1133,5,Giant,": Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
"
1134,5,Rick,": Just give up, Morty. This is game over. I'll take us home right now. You just say the word.
"
1135,5,Morty,": No way, Rick. This is all part of it. Adventures have conflict. Deal with it.
"
1136,5,Giant,": I smell the blood of- whoop!(the giant falls and cracks his head open on the table corner before hitting the ground)
"
1137,5,Morty,": Holy crap.
"
1138,5,Rick,": Oh, boy. He looks pretty bad down there, Morty. Looks like he's bleeding out.
"
1139,5,Giant woman,": Oh, Jesus! Dale! You sons of bitches! Oh, man. Hello, 911? My husband has been attacked by tiny people! He's dying!
"
1140,5,Detective,": Hey, look, we get it. You're little, you're down on your luck, you think, ""hey, he's a giant. Why don't we break into his home, rob him, and murder him?""
"
1141,5,Morty,": Th-th but that's not how it went down!
"
1142,5,Detective,": Oh, well, it's going down like that. You're both going down like that.
"
1143,5,Rick,": Ooh, boy, Morty, you're really showing me how it's done. Real straightforward and fun.
"
1144,5,Summer,": Like, letting go of the need to be popular is what makes people like you.
"
1145,5,Beth,": The most important love you can receive is from yourself.
"
1146,5,Meeseeks,": Okay, Jerry, you got to just choke up on the club!
"
1147,5,Jerry,": Well, which is it, choke up or follow-through?!
"
1148,5,Meeseeks,": Aww, come on, Jerry, we've been over this. You know you got to do both! This is as frustrating for us as it is for you.
"
1149,5,Jerry,": Don't tell me that! That just puts pressure on me!
"
1150,5,Meeseeks,": Just try to relax.
"
1151,5,Jerry,": You try to relax! Have you ever tried to relax?! It is a paradox! (Jerry walks to the dinning room)
Ugh, these Meeseeks, huh? Kind of a handful. I can't imagine what you two must be going through.
"
1152,5,Beth,": Our Meeseeks have been gone for hours, Jerry.
"
1153,5,Jerry,": You're kidding me.
"
1154,5,Beth,": Notice anything different?
"
1155,5,Jerry,": I'm sorry. Hours?
"
1156,5,Summer,": Dad, mom is a beautiful woman! Look at her! You will lose her!
"
1157,5,Meeseeks,": Uhh... Hey, Jerry, you mind if we get back to the task at hand? Meeseeks don't usually have to exist this long. It's getting weird.
"
1158,5,Judge,": Order in the court! Before the jury reaches its verdict, I just want to say that I consider you both very guilty.
"
1159,5,Rick (sarcastic),": Oh, great adventure, buddy. Rick and Morty go to giant prison. You know, if somebody drops the soap, it's gonna land on our heads and crush our spines, Morty. You know, it'll be really easy to rape us after that.
"
1160,5,Morty,": We're gonna be okay, Rick.
"
1161,5,Rick,": How? They took my portal gun. This is an open-and-shut case, Morty. You know, what do you think's gonna happen, some magical angel's gonna show up and then-(the court doors burst open and a giant in a suit walks down the isle.)
"
1162,5,Giant Lawyer,": Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! I smell the violation of civil liberties! Your honor, I'm from a tiny-persons advocacy group and I have here in my hand a motion to dismiss. These little men were never read their giant rights and are therefore free-fi to fo-home.
"
1163,5,Rick,": W-what the hell is he talking about?
"
1164,5,Giant Lawyer,": They're free to go, is what I meant. I'm deconstructing our our our thing we say. We're giants. Nobody got that? Whatever.
"
1165,5,Morty,": Oh, man, what did I tell you, Rick? We did it!
"
1166,5,Rick,": All right, Morty, looks like the portal gun's still working. You ready to head home?
"
1167,5,Morty,": Oh, yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Rick? Well, you know what? We're not bailing out just yet. You know, we're gonna go find some treasure or something and and we're gonna bring it to those villagers.
"
1168,5,Rick,": Morty, cut your losses. This is obviously awash.
"
1169,5,Morty,": Yeah, you were saying that back when we first got arrested, but here we are, you know, walking down the courthouse steps.
"
1170,5,Rick,": Oh, boy, Morty.
"
1171,5,Morty,": Usually, walking down the courthouse steps is the easy part of the adventure.
"
1172,5,Rick,": What do you say, Morty?
"
1173,5,Morty,": I say give me a hand, sidekick.
"
1174,5,Jerry,": Everybody shut up! Let me try! (Jerry swings and misses again) Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
"
1175,5,Beth,": I'm going out.
"
1176,5,Jerry,": Wait. What?
"
1177,5,Beth,": Well, you're busy. I'm hungry. I thought I'd go out. Do you want me to be happy or do you want me to be in prison?
"
1178,5,Jerry,": Whoa, whoa, where in the hell is, I'll take you to dinner.
"
1179,5,All the Meeseeks,": AWWWWWWW!
"
1180,5,Jerry,": Hey, you know what? It's hard being me, too. I'll be right there. Look, I've got a marriage to keep together. At this point, my golf swing is more your problem than mine.
"
1181,5,Meeseeks,": I can't take it anymore. I just want to die!
"
1182,5,Meeseeks *,": We all want to die! We're Meeseeks! Why did you even rope me into this?
"
1183,5,Meeseeks *,": 'Cause he roped me into this!
"
1184,5,Meeseeks *,": Well, him over there, he roped me into this!
"
1185,5,Meeseeks *,":Well, he roped me into this!
"
1186,5,Meeseeks *,": Well, what about me? He roped me into this.
"
1187,5,Meeseeks *,": Well, that one over there roped me into this.
"
1188,5,Meeseeks *,": Well, he roped me into this.
"
1189,5,Rick,": Yeah, Morty, this is the part of the story everybody loves scaling down 650,000 oversized steps.
"
1190,5,Morty,": All right, okay, you know, if this was a story, this part wouldn't be included, stupid.
(They see an opening in one of the steps) 
Hey, Rick, what do you know? Look down there. Looks like some kind of tavern or something built right into the side of the step.
"
1191,5,Morty,": Oh, wow, Rick. Now, this is more like it. Look, there's little staircase-shaped people in here. All kinds of crazy characters. This place is great, you know? It's whimsical and fun.
"
1192,5,Rick,": What are you looking at, motherfucker?
"
1193,5,Morty,": Easy, Rick.
"
1194,5,Waitress,": Pay them no mind. Those stair goblins can be moody. Now, what can I getcha? We've got skarlog poppies, flurlow, halzingers, bloogies, juicy time babies.
"
1195,5,Rick,": Yeah, yeah, yeah, how about some scotch whiskey? You got any of that around here? Or just a bunch of nonsense words?
"
1196,5,Morty,": Rick... We'll have two bloogies, please. And, uh, we were wondering, is there a faster way two heroes could get down these stairs?
"
1197,5,Slippery,": Y'all need to ride down the stairs? My name is slippely-slippery stair. I'll take you down there for 25 shmeckels.
"
1198,5,Rick,": 25 shmeckels? I don't know how much I don't know what that is. Is that a lot? Is it a little?
"
1199,5,Waitress,": That's exactly how much I spent on my big fake boobies.
"
1200,5,Mr. Booby Buyer,": Hi, I'm Mr. Booby Buyer. I'll buy those boobies for 25 shmeckels.
"
1201,5,Waitess,": It's a tempting offer, but I'm gonna have to decline.
"
1202,5,Mr. Booby Buyer,": Rats! What a shame.
"
1203,5,Rick,": Morty, your adventure's in a spiral. For real, man, time to pull out.
"
1204,5,Morty,": You keep heckling my adventure, Rick! You know why?
"
1205,5,Rick,": Uh, because it's lame?
"
1206,5,Morty,": It's because you're petty! You know, how many times have I had to follow you into some nonsensical bull crap? I always roll with the punches, Rick. Why can't you? Look, I got to take a leak, and when I come back, if you haven't learned how to lighten up, don't be here!
"
1207,5,Rick,": Whatever.
"
1208,5,Meeseeks,": It's become clear-look at me- that if we concentrate all our efforts on Jerry's follow-through, we will solve this problem. I'm Mr. Meeseeks.
"
1209,5,Meeseeks *,": I'm Mr. Meeseeks. Look at me. The only thing that's clear is that choking up is the one true solution.
"
1210,5,Meeseeks 3,": Look at me. I'm Mr. Meeseeks. I've been trying to help Jerry for two days, an eternity in Meeseeks time, and nothing's worked. I fear the worst.
"
1211,5,Meeseeks,": Your failures are your own, old man. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me. I say follow-through! Who's with me?! Follow-through!
"
1212,5,New Meeseeks,": I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
"
1213,5,Meeseeks,": Kill him!
"
1214,5,New Meeseeks,": Hisssss! (He attacks another meeseeks)
"
1215,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,": How are you today? I'm Mr. Jelly Bean!
"
1216,5,Morty,": Hi, Mr. Jelly Bean. I'm Morty. My grandpa and I are on an adventure.
"
1217,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,": Nice. Is it a fun adventure?
"
1218,5,Morty,": I hope so. But I'm starting to get nervous that maybe it's gone a little too far off the rails.
"
1219,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,": Well, isn't that what adventures do?
"
1220,5,Morty,": Hey, you know what? You're right. Everything's going fine. I just got to relax and go with the flow.
"
1221,5,Mr. Jelly Bean:," Yeah. (He rubs Morty's sholders)
"
1222,5,Morty,": Okay. Uh. B-bye.
"
1223,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,": Uhh, no, stay. Go with the flow!
"
1224,5,Morty,": Stop. You're making me really uncomfortable.
"
1225,5,Mr. Jelly Bean (aggresive),": Stop fighting me! Just let this happen!
"
1226,5,Morty,": Get off of me!
"
1227,5,Rick,: ♪
1228,5,Morty,": Whoo! No! Stop! Please!
"
1229,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,": Stop being such a fucking tease, you sweet little twat!
"
1230,5,Morty,": No! No!
"
1231,5,Meeseeks,": Everybody sto-o-o-p! Look at me! My brothers, nothing will be accomplished by shedding Meeseeks blood. None of us can die until our job is done.
"
1232,5,Meeseeks *,": The job can't be done! We'll never get two strokes off his game!
"
1233,5,Meeseeks,": No, we won't. But we will get all strokes off his game.
"
1234,5,Meeseeks,": When we kill him!
"
1235,5,Beth,": Jerry, maybe it's time I take that trip I always talk about.
"
1236,5,Jerry,": Where would you go?
"
1237,5,Beth,": I don't know, man. Italy. Greece. Argentina.
"
1238,5,Jerry,": Countries known for their sexually aggressive men. Did I tell you how much I love your new haircut?
"
1239,5,Jerry,": What the heck?
"
1240,5,Meeseeks,": There he is!
"
1241,5,Beth,": Run, Jerry!
"
1242,5,Meeseeks,": Come on out, Jerry!
"
1243,5,Jerry,": Guys, I'll choke up. I'll follow through. I'll do whatever you tell me to do, okay?
"
1244,5,Meeseeks,": Oh, we're well past that, Jerry.
"
1245,5,Rick,": Read 'em and weep, fellas! (Morty comes back) Oh, hey, Morty. Listen, I'm really sorry about all that stuff I said earlier about your adventure. I'm havin' a good time, Morty. It's not so bad.
"
1246,5,Morty," (very stressed): Let's just go home, okay? I'm calling it. The adventure's over.
"
1247,5,Rick,": We can't leave now, Morty. I'm on fire!
"
1248,5,Morty,": Look, I want to leave now. You win the bet, okay? (Searches Rick's lab coat for the portal gun) Just give me the portal gun and let's go, please! 
"
1249,5,Morty,": Please, I just want to... go h-home. (Tears up and holds onto Rick)
"
1250,5,Rick,": Okay. Listen, Morty. I just won a bunch of shmeckels. Why don't we use 25 of them to pay slippery stair here for a ride back to the village, and then we'll give the rest of the shmeckels to the villagers, huh?
"
1251,5,Morty,": Really?
"
1252,5,Rick,": Sure, Morty. Yeah. You know, a good adventure needs a good ending.
"
1253,5,Slippery,": Buckle up! (He starts to take them down)
"
1254,5,Meeseeks (presumably 3),": Meeseeks are not born into this world fumbling for meaning, Jerry! We are created to serve a singular purpose for which we will go to any lengths to fulfill! Existence is pain to a Meeseeks, Jerry. And we will do anything to alleviate that pain. Just ask... (Meeseeks grabs a woman) ...what's your name, ma'am?
"
1255,5,Woman,": Samantha. Please, mister! Give him what he wants!
"
1256,5,Jerry,": Innocent people are going to die because of me. Why am I so mediocre?
"
1257,5,Beth,": Jerry, turn around. Straighten your back. Bend your knees. Bend them. Square your shoulders. Take a deep breath. I love you.
"
1258,5,Meeseeks (presumably 3),": I'm counting to three, Jerry.
"
1259,5,All Meeseeks,": Ooooohhh!
"
1260,5,Samantha,": What the fuck is going on?
"
1261,5,All Meeseeks,": He's got it! That's a lower handicap stro-o-ke!
"
1262,5,Meeseeks,": Excuse me. I'm a bit of a stickler Meeseeks. What about your short game?
"
1263,5,Samantha (Crying),": Oh, my God, oh, my God! What about your short
game?! 
"
1264,5,Meeseeks,": Ooh, nice! (Stops existing)
"
1265,5,Jerry (Kisses Beth),": I think we'll take our food to go.
"
1266,5,Owner,": No, you won't. The police are coming. You have so many questions to answer.
"
1267,5,Jerry,": Fair enough.
"
1268,5,The First Villager,": Thank you, kind sir. Our village is saved! You are both true heroes!
"
1269,5,Rick,": Good job, Morty. Looks like you won the bet.
"
1270,5,Morty,": Thanks, Rick, but I don't know if I should. You know, you were right about the universe. It's a crazy and chaotic place.
"
1271,5,Rick,": Well, you know, maybe that's why it could use a little cleaning up every now and then, you know. This one's wrapped up neat and clean because we did it Morty style.
"
1272,5,The First Villager,": Oh! Heroes, we would like to introduce you to our beloved king so that he may thank you personally.
"
1273,5,Morty,": Uh, no, I-it's cool. Rick. Portal. Hurry.
"
1274,5,Jerry,": So... You still thinking about taking that trip?
"
1275,5,Beth,": Jerry, look. We don't have a perfect marriage, but I'm not going anywhere. When we were in that freezer, I realized the Meeseeks are like the guys I went to high school with willing to say anything to ""complete their task.""
"
1276,5,Jerry,": Was I one of those guys?
"
1277,5,Beth,": The difference is you didn't disappear afterwards.
"
1278,5,Jerry,": Well... I got you pregnant.
"
1279,5,Beth,": Yeah...
"
1280,5,Rick,": What the hell happened to this place?
"
1281,5,Beth,": Uh, your Meeseeks box happened. They went crazy when they couldn't take two strokes off Jerry's golf game. He felt terrible.
"
1282,5,Rick,": Hey, it's not my fault that Jerry's an idiot.
"
1283,5,Beth,": Dad! Is there anything you can do to clean this place up?
"
1284,5,Rick,": Well, you know, I do have a Fleeseeks box.
"
1285,5,Jerry,": No. No more boxes.
"
1286,5,Rick,": What? It just has a mop and some floor wax in it. Wubba lubba dub dub! (Everyone laughs) Yeah! That's my new thing! I'm kind of like what's his name Arsenio. Isn't that it's what Arsenio used to say on his show. Wobble gobba lop bops! Right? See you next week, everybody.
"
1287,5,Beth,": I don't get it.
"
1288,5,Villager 1,": Sir, I think you're going to want to see this. We found it inside a lockbox inside king Jelly Bean's closet. (A box of pictures of many young boys Mr. Jelly Bean molested) We have to tell the people.
"
1289,5,Villager 2,": Wait. Destroy it. (They set the box on fire)
Our people will get more from the idea he represented... than from the jelly bean he actually was.
"
1290,5,Rick, Run!
1291,5,"Jerry, Beth, and Summer","
incoherent zombie noises
"
1292,5,Rick," Morty, do it! Hit the button now!"
1293,5,Morty," I can't do it, Rick! They're my parents and sister!"
1294,5,Rick,"
holding off the clones Morty, I already told you, it's not your family! They're clones from an alternate reality possessed by demonic alien spirits from another dimension's future! Do you need a mnemonic device or something? Just hit the button already!"
1295,5,Beth," Morty, please. I love you, sweetheart."
1296,5,Morty, Ohhhh...
1297,5,Rick," Good work, Morty."
1298,5,Rick,"
holding up the device and smiling Y-You know, these demonic alien spirits are really valuable!"
1299,5,Rick," You okay, Morty? Told you not to trust that tuna."
1300,5,Morty, I just killed my family! I don't care what they were!
1301,5,Rick," I dunno, Morty. Some people would pay top dollar for that kinda breakthrough."
1302,5,Morty," Y-You know what, Rick? That's it! I-I'm done with these...insane adventures! That was really traumatizing! I quit! I'm out!"
1303,5,Rick," Whoa whoa whoa, grabs Morty's shoulder, stopping him come on, Morty! D-D-Don't be like that! The universe is a crazy and chaotic place!"
1304,5,Morty,"
pushes Rick's hands away You're the one that's crazy and chaotic! Adventures are supposed to be simple! And fun!"
1305,5,Rick," Oh yeah, Morty. Yeah, t-t-that- that's real easy to say from the sidekick position. But—But, uh, h-how about next time you be in charge, then we'll talk about how simple and fun it is."
1306,5,Morty,"
suddenly excited Seriously Rick?! Y-You'll let me call the shots?"
1307,5,Rick," Okay, fine. But let's make it interesting, Morty. I-I-If your adventure sucks, and we bail halfway through it, you lose the right to bitch about all future adventures. Plus, you have to do my laundry for a month."
1308,5,Morty," Okay, all right, tough guy! But if my adventure's good... I get to be in charge of every third adventure!"
1309,5,Rick, Every 10th.
1310,5,Morty," Deal. All right. Well, come on, let's get going."
1311,5,Beth," Dad, the dishwasher's doing that thing again."
1312,5,Rick, Washing dishes?
1313,5,Beth, No. The opposite. Can you fix it?
1314,5,Summer," Grandpa Rick, can you help me with my science homework?"
1315,5,Rick, Yeah just don't do it.
1316,5,Summer, Grandpa!
1317,5,Jerry," Hey, Rick, you got some kind of hand-shaped device that can open this mayonnaise jar?"
1318,5,Rick," Wow. Hat trick. All right, Morty, let's put a pin in this. I got to help your pathetic family."
1319,5,Morty," Oh, that sounds like something a chicken would say. Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk."
1320,5,Rick," Oh, Morty, you done did it this time. It's on. I can't wait to watch your adventure lay a huge fart. As for you dingdongs... This is a Meeseeks box. Let me show you how it works. You press this."
1321,5,Meeseeks, I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
1322,5,Rick," You make a request. Mr. Meeseeks, open Jerry's stupid mayonnaise jar."
1323,5,Meeseeks," Yes, siree!"
1324,5,Rick, The Meeseeks fulfills the request.
1325,5,Meeseeks, All done!
1326,5,Jerry,"
amazed Wow!"
1327,5,Rick, And then it stops existing.
1328,5,Summer," Oh, my God, he exploded!"
1329,5,Rick," Trust me, they're fine with it. Knock yourselves out just keep your requests simple. They're not gods."
1330,5,Morty, All right! Get out of here now! Everybody out of here! I got a bet to win!
1331,5,Beth, So many possibilities.
1332,5,Summer, My mind is racing.
1333,5,Jerry," If we're gonna use this thing, which I'm not even sure we should, we need to keep it simple."
1334,5,Meeseeks, I'm Mr. Meeseeks!
1335,5,Summer, I want to be popular at school!
1336,5,Meeseeks," Ooh, okay!"
1337,5,Jerry," Summer, what did I just-"
1338,5,Meeseeks 2," Ooh, I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!"
1339,5,Beth, I want I want to be a more complete woman!
1340,5,Jerry, Beth!
1341,5,Meeseeks 2," Oh, yeah! Yes, ma'am!"
1342,5,Jerry," You guys are doing it wrong. He said ""simple."""
1343,5,Meeseeks 3," Hey, there. I'm Mr. Meeseeks!"
1344,5,Jerry," Mr. Meeseeks, I would like to take two strokes off my golf game."
1345,5,Meeseeks 3," Ooh, yeah! Can do!"
1346,5,Jerry, Nailed it.
1347,5,Rick," God, Morty, what a boring start to an adventure. Why didn't we just go to Kentucky?"
1348,5,Morty," Rick, this is a fantasy-type world with creatures and all sorts of fantasy things. We're going on a quest, okay?"
1349,5,Rick, Can't wait.
1350,5,Morty, Ahem. Excuse me! We are two humble heroes in search of adventure!
1351,5,Rick," Oh, my God, so embarrassing."
1352,5,Villager man," At last! Two heroes! You must help us! This village is terribly poor, yet the giant that lives in the clouds above has untold treasures!"
1353,5,Morty," You know what? I accept your call to adventure, good sir, kind sir. Come on, Rick. There's a giant in the clouds!"
1354,5,Rick, Yeah. Beginner's luck.
1355,5,Meeseeks 1," In conclusion, a friendship with Summer Smith is the most valuable and enriching experience of your young lives. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! Thank you!"
1356,5,Principal Gene V.," Uh, Mr. Meeseeks, was it? Yeah. Gene Vagina. Listen, I'm in a bit of custody thing with my ex and was wondering- Meeseeks 1 stops existing- No, I'll get your info from Summer."
1357,5,Beth," I got pregnant at 17. I mean, I still put myself through veterinary school. Yes, I'm successful, but what if I hadn't...-Meeseeks 2 stares attentively- I'm just saying, somewhere along the way, I lost that wide-eyed girl from muskegon."
1358,5,Meeseeks 2," She's still there, Beth."
1359,5,Beth," Well, her waistline isn't."
1360,5,Meeseeks 2," Beth, having a family doesn't mean that you stop being an individual. You know the best thing you can do for people that depend on you? Be honest with them, even if it means setting them free."
1361,5,Beth, You're saying I should leave Jerry. Beth starts to cry I can't believe I'm finally having this conversation.
1362,5,Waiter man, More wine?
1363,5,Beth, I think I've had enough.
1364,5,Meeseeks 3," Remember to square your shoulders, Jerry."
1365,5,Jerry," Yeah, yeah. I got it."
1366,5,Meeseeks 3, That's okay. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me! Try again and keep your head down.
1367,5,Jerry," Okay, well, which is it? Square my shoulders or keep my head down?"
1368,5,Meeseeks 3," Well, it's both. But most importantly, you got to relax."
1369,5,Jerry," You know what, Mr. Meeseeks? I don't think this is working. I give up."
1370,5,Meeseeks 3," I'm sorry, Jerry, but it doesn't work like that. I'm Mr. Meeseeks. I have to fulfill my purpose so I can go away. Look at me."
1371,5,Jerry," Well, make yourself comfortable, because I suck."
1372,5,Meeseeks 3," No, Jerry, I'm the one who SUCKS! Let me try something."
1373,5,Meeseeks 4, I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
1374,5,Meeseeks 3," Hi, Mr. Meeseeks! I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me."
1375,5,Meeseeks 4, Hi!
1376,5,Meeseeks 3, Can you help me get two strokes off of Jerry's golf swing?
1377,5,Meeseeks 4, Can do! I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Is he keeping his shoulders squared?
1378,5,Meeseeks 3," Ooh, he's trying!"
1379,5,Rick," All right, Morty. We're in your stupid giant's castle. What do we do next?"
1380,5,Morty," Would you just relax, Rick? All we got to do is find the treasure room, okay? It's nice and simple. You know, I'm sorry everything's going so smoothly and adventurously."
1381,5,Rick,"
sarcasticUh-oh, Morty. Startin' to get a little hairy. What do you want to do, boss?"
1382,5,Morty," Come on, hurry. Behind this cookie jar."
1383,5,Giant, Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum!
1384,5,Rick," Just give up, Morty. This is game over. I'll take us home right now. You just say the word."
1385,5,Morty," No way, Rick. This is all part of it. Adventures have conflict. Deal with it."
1386,5,Giant," I smell the blood of- whoop!the giant falls and cracks his head open on the table corner before hitting the ground
"
1387,5,Morty, Holy crap.
1388,5,Rick," Oh, boy. He looks pretty bad down there, Morty. Looks like he's bleeding out."
1389,5,Giant woman," Oh, Jesus! Dale! You sons of bitches! Oh, man. Hello, 911? My husband has been attacked by tiny people! He's dying!"
1390,5,Detective," Hey, look, we get it. You're little, you're down on your luck, you think, ""hey, he's a giant. Why don't we break into his home, rob him, and murder him?"""
1391,5,Morty, Th-th but that's not how it went down!
1392,5,Detective," Oh, well, it's going down like that. You're both going down like that."
1393,5,Rick," Ooh, boy, Morty, you're really showing me how it's done. Real straightforward and fun."
1394,5,Summer," Like, letting go of the need to be popular is what makes people like you."
1395,5,Beth, The most important love you can receive is from yourself.
1396,5,Meeseek," Okay, Jerry, you got to just choke up on the club!"
1397,5,Jerry," Well, which is it, choke up or follow-through?!"
1398,5,Meeseek," Aww, come on, Jerry, we've been over this. You know you got to do both! This is as frustrating for us as it is for you."
1399,5,Jerry, Don't tell me that! That just puts pressure on me!
1400,5,Meeseek, Just try to relax.
1401,5,Jerry," You try to relax! Have you ever tried to relax?! It is a paradox! Jerry walks to the dinning room Ugh, these Meeseeks, huh? Kind of a handful. I can't imagine what you two must be going through."
1402,5,Beth," Our Meeseeks have been gone for hours, Jerry."
1403,5,Jerry, You're kidding me.
1404,5,Beth, Notice anything different?
1405,5,Jerry, I'm sorry. Hours?
1406,5,Summer," Dad, mom is a beautiful woman! Look at her! You will lose her!"
1407,5,Meeseek," Uhh... Hey, Jerry, you mind if we get back to the task at hand? Meeseeks don't usually have to exist this long. It's getting weird."
1408,5,Judge," Order in the court! Before the jury reaches its verdict, I just want to say that I consider you both very guilty."
1409,5,Rick,"
sarcasticOh, great adventure, buddy. Rick and Morty go to giant prison. You know, if somebody drops the soap, it's gonna land on our heads and crush our spines, Morty. You know, it'll be really easy to rape us after that."
1410,5,Morty," We're gonna be okay, Rick."
1411,5,Rick," How? They took my portal gun. This is an open-and-shut case, Morty. You know, what do you think's gonna happen, some magical angel's gonna show up and then-the court doors burst open and a giant in a suit walks down the isle.
"
1412,5,Giant Lawyer," Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! I smell the violation of civil liberties! Your honor, I'm from a tiny-persons advocacy group and I have here in my hand a motion to dismiss. These little men were never read their giant rights and are therefore free-fi to fo-home."
1413,5,Rick, W-what the hell is he talking about?
1414,5,Giant Lawyer," They're free to go, is what I meant. I'm deconstructing our our our thing we say. We're giants. Nobody got that? Whatever."
1415,5,Morty," Oh, man, what did I tell you, Rick? We did it!"
1416,5,Rick," All right, Morty, looks like the portal gun's still working. You ready to head home?"
1417,5,Morty," Oh, yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you, Rick? Well, you know what? We're not bailing out just yet. You know, we're gonna go find some treasure or something and and we're gonna bring it to those villagers."
1418,5,Rick," Morty, cut your losses. This is obviously awash."
1419,5,Morty," Yeah, you were saying that back when we first got arrested, but here we are, you know, walking down the courthouse steps."
1420,5,Rick," Oh, boy, Morty."
1421,5,Morty," Usually, walking down the courthouse steps is the easy part of the adventure."
1422,5,Rick," What do you say, Morty?"
1423,5,Morty," I say give me a hand, sidekick."
1424,5,Jerry, Everybody shut up! Let me try! Jerry swings and misses again Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!
1425,5,Beth, I'm going out.
1426,5,Jerry, Wait. What?
1427,5,Beth," Well, you're busy. I'm hungry. I thought I'd go out. Do you want me to be happy or do you want me to be in prison?"
1428,5,Jerry," Whoa, whoa, where in the hell is, I'll take you to dinner."
1429,5,All the Meeseeks, AWWWWWWW!
1430,5,Jerry," Hey, you know what? It's hard being me, too. I'll be right there. Look, I've got a marriage to keep together. At this point, my golf swing is more your problem than mine."
1431,5,Meeseek, I can't take it anymore. I just want to die!
1432,5,Meeseek (diff), We all want to die! We're Meeseeks! Why did you even rope me into this?
1433,5,Meeseek (diff), 'Cause he roped me into this!
1434,5,Meeseek (diff)," Well, him over there, he roped me into this!"
1435,5,Meeseek (diff),"Well, he roped me into this!"
1436,5,Meeseek (diff)," Well, what about me? He roped me into this."
1437,5,Meeseek (diff)," Well, that one over there roped me into this."
1438,5,Meeseek (diff)," Well, he roped me into this."
1439,5,Rick," Yeah, Morty, this is the part of the story everybody loves scaling down 650,000 oversized steps."
1440,5,Morty," All right, okay, you know, if this was a story, this part wouldn't be included, stupid. They see an opening in one of the steps Hey, Rick, what do you know? Look down there. Looks like some kind of tavern or something built right into the side of the step."
1441,5,Morty," Oh, wow, Rick. Now, this is more like it. Look, there's little staircase-shaped people in here. All kinds of crazy characters. This place is great, you know? It's whimsical and fun."
1442,5,Rick," What are you looking at, mother-"
1443,5,Morty," Easy, Rick."
1444,5,Waitress," Pay them no mind. Those stair goblins can be moody. Now, what can I getcha? We've got skarlog poppies, flurlow, halzingers, bloogies, juicy time babies."
1445,5,Rick," Yeah, yeah, yeah, how about some scotch whiskey? You got any of that around here? Or just a bunch of nonsense words?"
1446,5,Morty," Rick... We'll have two bloogies, please. And, uh, we were wondering, is there a faster way two heroes could get down these stairs?"
1447,5,Slippery, Y'all need to ride down the stairs? My name is slippely-slippery stair. I'll take you down there for 25 shmeckels.
1448,5,Rick, 25 shmeckels? I don't know how much I don't know what that is. Is that a lot? Is it a little?
1449,5,Waitress, That's exactly how much I spent on my big fake boobies.
1450,5,Mr. Booby Buyer," Hi, I'm Mr. Booby Buyer. I'll buy those boobies for 25 shmeckels."
1451,5,Waitess," It's a tempting offer, but I'm gonna have to decline."
1452,5,Mr. Booby Buyer, Rats! What a shame.
1453,5,Rick," Morty, your adventure's in a spiral. For real, man, time to pull out."
1454,5,Morty," You keep heckling my adventure, Rick! You know why?"
1455,5,Rick," Uh, because it's lame?"
1456,5,Morty," It's because you're petty! You know, how many times have I had to follow you into some nonsensical bull crap? I always roll with the punches, Rick. Why can't you? Look, I got to take a leak, and when I come back, if you haven't learned how to lighten up, don't be here!"
1457,5,Rick, Whatever.
1458,5,Meeseek," It's become clear-look at me- that if we concentrate all our efforts on Jerry's follow-through, we will solve this problem. I'm Mr. Meeseeks."
1459,5,Meeseeks *, I'm Mr. Meeseeks. Look at me. The only thing that's clear is that choking up is the one true solution.
1460,5,Meeseeks 3," Look at me. I'm Mr. Meeseeks. I've been trying to help Jerry for two days, an eternity in Meeseeks time, and nothing's worked. I fear the worst."
1461,5,Meeseeks," Your failures are your own, old man. I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me. I say follow-through! Who's with me?! Follow-through!"
1462,5,New Meeseek, I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me!
1463,5,Meeseek, Kill him!
1464,5,New Meeseek," Hisssss! He attacks another meeseek
"
1465,5,Mr. Jelly Bean, How are you today? I'm Mr. Jelly Bean!
1466,5,Morty," Hi, Mr. Jelly Bean. I'm Morty. My grandpa and I are on an adventure."
1467,5,Mr. Jelly Bean, Nice. Is it a fun adventure?
1468,5,Morty, I hope so. But I'm starting to get nervous that maybe it's gone a little too far off the rails.
1469,5,Mr. Jelly Bean," Well, isn't that what adventures do?"
1470,5,Morty," Hey, you know what? You're right. Everything's going fine. I just got to relax and go with the flow."
1471,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,Yeah.
1472,5,Morty, Okay. Uh. B-bye.
1473,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,"Uhh, no, stay. Go with the flow!"
1474,5,Morty, Stop. You're making me really uncomfortable.
1475,5,Mr. Jelly Bean,"
aggresiveStop fighting me! Just let this happen!"
1476,5,Morty, Get off of me!
1477,5,Morty, Whoo! No! Stop! Please!
1478,5,Mr. Jelly Bean," Stop being such a tease, you sweet little-"
1479,5,Morty, No! No!
1480,5,Meeseek," Everybody sto-o-o-p! Look at me! My brothers, nothing will be accomplished by shedding Meeseeks blood. None of us can die until our job is done."
1481,5,Meeseek (diff), The job can't be done! We'll never get two strokes off his game!
1482,5,Meeseek," No, we won't. But we will get all strokes off his game."
1483,5,All other Meeseeks, Where's he going with this? What's he mean?
1484,5,Meeseek, When we kill him!
1485,5,Beth," Jerry, maybe it's time I take that trip I always talk about."
1486,5,Jerry, Where would you go?
1487,5,Beth," I don't know, man. Italy. Greece. Argentina."
1488,5,Jerry, Countries known for their sexually aggressive men. Did I tell you how much I love your new haircut?
1489,5,Jerry, What the heck?
1490,5,Meeseek, There he is!
1491,5,Beth," Run, Jerry!"
1492,5,Meeseek," Come on out, Jerry!"
1493,5,Jerry," Guys, I'll choke up. I'll follow through. I'll do whatever you tell me to do, okay?"
1494,5,Meeseek," Oh, we're well past that, Jerry."
1495,5,Card Player," Come on, Rick, quit stalling. What do ya got?"
1496,5,Rick," Read 'em and weep, fellas! Morty comes back Oh, hey, Morty. Listen, I'm really sorry about all that stuff I said earlier about your adventure. I'm havin' a good time, Morty. It's not so bad."
1497,5,Morty,"
very stressedLet's just go home, okay? I'm calling it. The adventure's over."
1498,5,Rick," We can't leave now, Morty. I'm on fire!"
1499,5,Morty," Look, I want to leave now. You win the bet, okay? Just give me the portal gun and let's go, please. Please, I just want to go home."
1500,5,Rick," Okay. Listen, Morty. I just won a bunch of shmeckels. Why don't we use 25 of them to pay slippery stair here for a ride back to the village, and then we'll give the rest of the shmeckels to the villagers, huh?"
1501,5,Morty, Really?
1502,5,Rick," Sure, Morty. Yeah. You know, a good adventure needs a good ending."
1503,5,Slippery," Buckle up! He starts to take them down
"
1504,5,Meeseek," Meeseeks are not born into this world fumbling for meaning, Jerry! We are created to serve a singular purpose for which we will go to any lengths to fulfill! Existence is pain to a Meeseeks, Jerry. And we will do anything to alleviate that pain. Just ask... Meeseek grabs a woman Aah! ...what's your name, ma'am?"
1505,5,Woman," Samantha. Please, mister! Give him what he wants!"
1506,5,Jerry, Innocent people are going to die because of me. Why am I so mediocre?
1507,5,Beth," Jerry, turn around. Straighten your back. Bend your knees. Bend them. Square your shoulders. Take a deep breath. I love you."
1508,5,Meeseek," I'm counting to three, Jerry."
1509,5,Samantha,What the f-- is going on?
1510,5,All Meeseeks, He's got it! That's a lower handicap stro-o-ke!
1511,5,Meeseeks, Excuse me. I'm a bit of a stickler Meeseeks. What about your short game?
1512,5,Samantha," Oh, my God, oh, my God! What about your short game?!"
1513,5,Meeseek," Ooh, nice! Stops existing
"
1514,5,Jerry, I think we'll take our food to go.
1515,5,Owner," No, you won't. The police are coming. You have so many questions to answer."
1516,5,Jerry, Fair enough.
1517,5,The First Villager," Thank you, kind sir. Our village is saved! You are both true heroes!"
1518,5,Rick," Good job, Morty. Looks like you won the bet."
1519,5,Morty," Thanks, Rick, but I don't know if I should. You know, you were right about the universe. It's a crazy and chaotic place."
1520,5,Rick," Well, you know, maybe that's why it could use a little cleaning up every now and then, you know. This one's wrapped up neat and clean because we did it Morty style."
1521,5,The First Villager," Oh! Heroes, we would like to introduce you to our beloved king so that he may thank you personally."
1522,5,Morty," Uh, no, I-it's cool. Rick. Portal. Hurry."
1523,5,Jerry, So... You still thinking about taking that trip?
1524,5,Beth," Jerry, look. We don't have a perfect marriage, but I'm not going anywhere. When we were in that freezer, I realized the Meeseeks are like the guys I went to high school with willing to say anything to ""complete their task."""
1525,5,Jerry, Was I one of those guys?
1526,5,Beth, The difference is you didn't disappear afterwards.
1527,5,Jerry, Well... I got you pregnant.
1528,5,Beth, Yeah...
1529,5,Rick, What the hell happened to this place?
1530,5,Beth," Uh, your Meeseeks box happened. They went crazy when they couldn't take two strokes off Jerry's golf game. He felt terrible."
1531,5,Rick," Hey, it's not my fault that Jerry's an idiot."
1532,5,Beth, Dad!
1533,5,Jerry, Is there anything you can do to clean this place up?
1534,5,Rick," Well, you know, I do have a Fleeseeks box."
1535,5,Jerry, No. No more boxes.
1536,5,Rick," What? It just has a mop and some floor wax in it. Wubba lubba dub dubs! Everyone laughs Yeah! That's my new thing! I'm kind of like what's his name Arsenio. Isn't that it's what Arsenio used to say on his show. Wobble gobba lop bops! Right? See you next week, everybody."
1537,5,Villager 1, I don't get it.
1538,5,Villager 2," Sir, I think you're going to want to see this. We found it inside a lockbox inside king Jelly Bean's closet. A box of pictures of many young boys Mr. Jelly Bean molested We have to tell the people."
1539,5,Villager 1, Wait. Destroy it. They set the box on fire Our people will get more from the idea he represented... than from the jelly bean he actually was.
1540,6,Principal Vagina," (Over the intercom, while the students talk) Principal Vagina here, don't let the name fool you, I'm very much in charge, reminding you that tonight is our annual flu season dance. I don't know how many times I have to say this but if you have the flu, stay home, the flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. You don't bring dead babies to Passover.
"
1541,6,Grace Smith," (to Jessica) Hey.
"
1542,6,Morty:," Ohhh. Okay, here we go. *Walks over to Jessica and her friends* (Nervously) H-Hey, Jessica, ughh.
"
1543,6,Jessica: ,"What's up, Morty? *sneezes*
"
1544,6,Morty: ,"Ugghh-
"
1545,6,Brad,"Butts in, in front of Jessica*"
1546,6,Morty: ,"Ummm...
"
1547,6,Brad: ,"Wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her?
"
1548,6,Morty: ,"Well, I mean, I was thinking about it.
"
1549,6,Brad: ,"Dude- (hand hits Morty's chest) stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl!
"
1550,6,Jessica: ,"(Sarcastically) Gee, thanks, Brad.
"
1551,6,Brad: ,"I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager.
"
1552,6,Jerry: ,"Eh, Try not to worry about it, Morty. You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape.
"
1553,6,Morty: ,"(Plays with a cookie in sadness) You're missing the point, Dad. I don't want girls, I want Jessica!
"
1554,6,Jerry: ,"Ahhh, well, (gets another jar of sauce out of the cupboard) I remember feeling that way about a young lady named "
1555,6,Rick,"(enters and interrupts Jerry) I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me. (grabs a glass from a cupboard)
"
1556,6,Jerry: ,"I beg your pardon, Rick, INAPPROPRIATE. (points to Morty)
"
1557,6,Rick: ,"(grabs ice from out of the freezer)(sarcastically) Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school. (gets juice out of the refrigerator) I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread.
"
1558,6,Jerry:," (Angrily) My marriage is fine, thank you.
"
1559,6,Rick: ,"Jerry, it's your house, whatever you say it is is how it is, (pours juice into the glass) but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.
"
1560,6,Morty: ,"Come on, Rick, don't talk about my parents like that.
"
1561,6,Rick:," Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call ""love"" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. (exits room, drinking juice)
"
1562,6,Morty: ,"(In woe) Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. (exits kitchen)
"
1563,6,Jerry: ,"Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom. (exits opposite direction)
"
1564,6,Rick: ,"(With his back to Morty) Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? *Morty closes door* I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. It's gonna be great.
"
1565,6,Morty: ,"Hey, listen, Rick. You know how you said that, you know... love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? (walks to Rick at his desk) Well, I was thinkn', you know, www... could you make some sort of chemical thing happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing, you know, like maybe make some sort of love potion or something?
"
1566,6,Rick: ,"Morty, that's such a poor use of my time, it's beneath me. Hand me the screwdriver. (points to the shelf)
"
1567,6,Morty:," (Angrily) YOU KNOW WHAT, NO RICK! I'M NOT GONNA HAND YOU THE SCREWDRIVER! Uh, I'm never gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick. (Rick gets up and grabs a box of supplies from the shelf) I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. Www...what about me, Rick? Www... why can't you just help me out once, once, for once?
"
1568,6,Rick: *,"sighs* You're growing up fast, Morty. You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass! (grabs some test tubes with yellow liquid and holds one up) Listen, this is called oxytocin. I extracted it from a vole. You know what a VOLE is, Morty, you know what a vole is?
"
1569,6,Rick:," It's a, it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. This is the chemical release in the mammal's brain, (sets down the box of objects, opens a hatch in a machine, and pours the oxytocin in) ...that makes it fall in love. Alright Morty, I just gotta *burps* combine it with some of your DNA.
"
1570,6,Morty: ,"Oh well, okay... (zips down his fly)
"
1571,6,Rick: ,"A hair, Morty, I need one of your hairs! This isn't "
1572,6,Morty: ,"Oww!
"
1573,6,Rick:," (grabs the flask containing the orange liquid) Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?
"
1574,6,Morty: ,"Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick! (walks to the door, but thinks about it and looks back) Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right?
"
1575,6,Rick:," Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof.
"
1576,6,Rick:," Ugh, unless she has the flu. (shrugs it off)
"
1577,6,Jerry: ,"Beth, do you still love me?
"
1578,6,Beth: *,"sighs* Want kinda question is that?
"
1579,6,Jerry: ,"The ""yes"" or ""no"" kind. *weak laugh of obviousness*
"
1580,6,Beth: ,"Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes?
"
1581,6,Jerry: ,"Yess.
"
1582,6,Beth:," Are you gonna build them?
"
1583,6,Jerry: ,"Noo.
"
1584,6,Beth: ,"Then what good was the ""yes""?
"
1585,6,Jerry: ,"(walks to Beth at the computer)(confused) Wait, iii... is loving me the house or the homeless people?
"
1586,6,Beth: ,"(Turns around to Jerry)(Irritated) Loving you is work, Jerry, hard work, like building a homeless shelter. Nobody want to say ""no"" to doing it, but some people put the work in. So what do ya say? Do you see me working here? Does this conversation seem tedious to me?
"
1587,6,Jerry: ,"Sort of.
"
1588,6,Beth:," But I obviously sort of love you, don't I? *alert on Beth's phone* So stop asking and maybe I'll love you more. (looks at her phone) Crap, They need me at the horse hospital.
"
1589,6,Jerry: ,"This late?
"
1590,6,Beth: ,"(puts on her jacket) The racetrack had a starlit derby, there's a seven horse collision, and Davin's there alone. (leaves the room, leaving Jerry alone)
"
1591,6,Jerry:, (In his head)(Progressively angrier) *
1592,6,Band Vocalist / MC Haps: ,(Background)
1593,6,Morty: ,"Hey there, Jessica. (Pretends to trip, wiping the potion on Jessica's arm) Whooa-whoopsie!
"
1594,6,Jessica:,(infected)
1595,6,Morty:," WOW, thanks!
"
1596,6,Jessica:,"(infected) I love you, Morty. I love you so much it burns!
"
1597,6,Morty: ,"Oh man. I love you too, Jessica! (Brad walks passed with a drink, he overhears)
"
1598,6,Brad: ,"(outraged) *spits* Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?(shoves Morty)
"
1599,6,Jessica: ,"(Infected) LEAVE HIM ALONE, JERK! (pulls Morty away) I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM! HE'S MORE MAN THEN YOU WILL EVER BE! *sneezes*
"
1600,6,Brad: ,"(infected) Aw man, Morty, ugh, I'm really sorry.
"
1601,6,Morty:," Oh, well, no problem Brad.
"
1602,6,Brad: ,"(hugs Morty)(infected) There's somethin' special bout you, somethin' special. (squeezes Morty's butt and back)
"
1603,6,Morty: ,"(pushes Brad away) Whoa, take it easy!
"
1604,6,Jessica: ,"(grabs Morty's left arm)(infected) GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!
"
1605,6,Brad: ,"(grabs Morty's right arm)(infected) BACK OFF I'M TRYING TO BE WITH MY MAN!
"
1606,6,Principal Vagina:," (Stops the fight, pulling Brad back, aided with Mr. Goldenfold) That's enough Bradley. We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.
"
1607,6,Brad: ,"(disappointment)(infected) Oh, Principal Vagina.
"
1608,6,Jessica: ,"(infected) Never leave me, Morty, NEVER.
"
1609,6,Morty:," (confused) Uh, sure. I mean, of course not. What do you think that was all about?
"
1610,6,Jessica: ,"(infected) Who cares? Just hold me.
"
1611,6,Brad: ,"(infected) LET ME GO!!! I LOVE YOU MORTY! *sneeze, sneeze* (exits the gym)
"
1612,6,Jerry:," (V.O.) She's gonna be alone with that guy all night.
"
1613,6,Summer:," Yeah, Dad, digging around the inside of horses. It's not a very romantic setting.
"
1614,7,Alien:," That is multiphase quantum resonator,
"
1615,7,Rick:," Well, does it defraculate?
"
1616,7,Alien:," Fuck no.
"
1617,7,Rick:," Then -- then -- then it's a broken defraculator,
"
1618,7,Alien:," Like you would even know dick about fraculation! Your planet just got cellphones, and the coverage still sucks!
"
1619,7,Rick:," Yeah, yeah, and your species eat sulfur, So, let's say 60 smidgens, I tell you what -- I'll do you a favor, I'll throw in a fart,
"
1620,7,Morty:," Hey, uh, Rick, um, you think maybe I could get something from this place, like a souvenir, like, just to have ---like, something cool, you know?
"
1621,7,Rick:," Not here, Morty, We'll stop somewhere else, because, you know, there's always another pawn shop,
"
1622,7,Morty:," Oh, okay,
"
1623,7,Rick:," Oh, it looks cool, huh?
"
1624,7,Morty:," Yeah! You know, I mean, it's different from the stuff on earth, and, you know, you take me to all these crazy places across the galaxy, and, you know,
"
1625,7,Rick:," Okay, 60 for the resonator, and my grandson wants the sex robot.
"
1626,7,Summer:," So, we're just going to pretend this isn't happening?
"
1627,7,Jerry:,"
"
1628,7,Rick:," I don't know,
"
1629,7,Morty:," Whew!
"
1630,7,Jerry:," Well, I'm intervening.
"
1631,7,Beth:," Intervening with puberty?
"
1632,7,Summer:," Jesus, Did I really set the bar that low?
"
1633,7,Morty:," Um, Rick, could you come with me, please -- q-quickly?
"
1634,7,Rick:,"
"
1635,7,Morty:," That is Gwendolyn --
"
1636,7,Jerry:," What is going on?
"
1637,7,Rick:," All right, Uh-oh,
"
1638,7,Beth:," ""Uh-oh""? What is that?!
"
1639,7,Rick:," Hmm, I think Morty's robot was designed for more than long weekends,
"
1640,7,Summer:," Grandpa Rick, no, no!
"
1641,7,Jerry:," Whoa, whoa, whoa!
"
1642,7,Beth:," Dad, What do you think you're doing?!
"
1643,7,Rick:," Hey, listen -- you guys quarantined the house when Summer brought olives back from Mexico,
"
1644,7,Rick:," Don't name it,
"
1645,7,Morty:," ,,,"
1646,7,Rick:," Oh, crap he named it.
"
1647,7,Beth:," Well, dad, it's a living thing, and it's half human,
"
1648,7,Jerry:,"
"
1649,7,Beth:," Jerry, majoring in civics was your mistake,
"
1650,7,Rick:," Fine, I'm gonna take this thing to my workshop and do a little bit of investigating,
"
1651,7,Jerry:,"
"
1652,7,Rick:," Yeah, Good one, Jerry,
"
1653,7,Morty:," Ohh,
"
1654,7,Beth:," They always do,
"
1655,7,Jerry:," Hey, uh, 1995 called!
"
1656,7,Beth:," Why, Jerry?
"
1657,7,Jerry:," Life is effort, and I'll stop when I die!
"
1658,7,Rick:," Well, I can't solve the problem my way, thanks to your family's primitive biological hang-ups,
"
1659,7,Summer,": Oh, right -- because there's something about having a wiener that would make me better at walking through a hole?
"
1660,7,Rick:," Oh, crap,
"
1661,7,Summer:," Grandpa Rick! Ugh!
"
1662,7,Summer:," Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
"
1663,7,Summer:," [ Gasps ]
"
1664,7,Rick:," Great, now I have to take over a whole planet because of your stupid boobs.
"
1665,7,Jerry:," You're doing great Morty,
"
1666,7,Morty:,"
"
1667,7,Beth:," Then you put it down and let it cry itself out,
"
1668,7,Jerry:," Yeah, right,
"
1669,7,Beth:," Stop filling it with your own insecurity,
"
1670,7,Jerry:," Well, we can't all be raised like reptiles by a mentally ill scientist,
"
1671,7,Jerry:," What the -- aah! Aah!
"
1672,7,Beth:," Listen to me,
"
1673,7,Morty:," Knock it off, both of you!
"
1674,7,Jerry:," Oh, you are going to ruin that kid, Morty,
"
1675,7,Beth:," At least we can agree on that.
"
1676,7,Rick:," Thanks, dum-dum,
"
1677,7,Rick:,"
"
1678,7,Summer:," That burka is a human-rights violation, and I spent a lot on this top,
"
1679,7,Rick:," Look, I'm trying to repair a p-portal gun with a bunch of sex-doll parts, and I have to do it one-handed to keep these belushis from carting you off,
"
1680,7,Summer:," Ugh, What's the deal with this place?
"
1681,7,Rick:," Obviously, at some point, the Gazorpians became so evolved that they replaced females with birthing machines,
"
1682,7,Summer:," You think it's efficient to get rid of women?
"
1683,7,Rick:," You ever see a line for the men's room?
"
1684,7,Rick:," The plot thickens,
"
1685,7,Rick:,"
"
1686,7,Rick:," Aaaah!
"
1687,7,Summer:," Grandpa Rick, where are we going?
"
1688,7,Summer:," [ Gasps ]
"
1689,7,Rick:," Oh, there -- there we go, Summer,
"
1690,7,Gazorpian:," Silence!
"
1691,7,Gazorpian:," Your slave is ill-mannered,
"
1692,7,Summer:," My slave?
"
1693,7,Gazorpian:," We assume you are from a more primitive world, where men are still permitted to be servants,
"
1694,7,Rick:," [ Chokes ]
"
1695,7,Morty:," Oh, Morty Jr,! you're gonna be a special little guy, aren't you?
"
1696,7,Morty Jr:," Da,
"
1697,7,Morty Jr:," Death!
"
1698,7,Morty:," ""Dada,""
"
1699,7,Morty Jr:," Damnation!
"
1700,7,Morty:," Um,,,""Dada""?
"
1701,7,Jerry:," [ Clears throat ]
"
1702,7,Gazorpian PA System:," The spider in sector ""C"" is still alive,
"
1703,7,Mar-sha:," I am Mar-sha, ruler of Gazorpazorp,
"
1704,7,Summer,": What is this place?
"
1705,7,Mar-sha:," Paradise.
"
1706,7,Summer:," I am here if you need to talk,
"
1707,7,Mar-sha:," From here, we dispense mechanical surrogates to maintain our population,
"
1708,7,Summer:," That was just a baby,
"
1709,7,Rick:," Wait a minute, We're here because a male Gazorpian was born on our planet,
"
1710,7,Summer:," You speak when you're spoken to, ding-a-ling!
"
1711,7,Summer:," How did you know?
"
1712,7,Summer:,"
"
1713,7,Rick:,"
"
1714,7,Summer:," Well, it really doesn't matter what you want, because this is a sane place where women rule,
"
1715,7,Rick:," Yeah, You know what I have to say about that?
"
1716,7,Summer:," Grandpa!
"
1717,7,Rick:," It's not dominated by us, okay?
"
1718,7,Summer:," Equals?! We make 70% of your salary for the same job!
"
1719,7,Rick:," Was this really the time to make that point, Summer?
"
1720,7,Morty Jr:," This is for you, daddy,
"
1721,7,Morty:," Oh, man!
"
1722,7,Morty Jr:,"You're silly, daddy,
"
1723,7,Morty Jr:," No, Morty Jr,
"
1724,7,Morty:," Ohh!
"
1725,7,Morty Jr:," Daddy, can I go outside?
"
1726,7,Morty:," No! Absolutely not!
"
1727,7,Morty:," Yeah, but you can't go out there because the -- the air is poisonous for you!
"
1728,7,Morty:,"
"
1729,7,Morty Jr:," Why do we love to dance?
"
1730,7,Morty:," Because I said so!
"
1731,7,Rick:," Because I got --
"
1732,7,Gazorpian #2:," The worst crime a female can commit,
"
1733,7,Rick,": Pfft!
"
1734,7,Rick:," What, what, what -- a night on the couch?
"
1735,7,Summer:," I hate you so much right now.
"
1736,7,Gazorpian #2:," This will be the first instance of capital punishment in our society in 500 years due to our awesomeness, so we are forced to improvise,
"
1737,7,Rick:,"
"
1738,7,Gazorpian #2:," No! Stop interrupting!
"
1739,7,Rick:," What? Just give me a gun,
"
1740,7,Gazorpian #2:," Stop interrupting!
"
1741,7,Rick:," Look, I'm sorry, Summer,
"
1742,7,Summer:," Top, My top!
"
1743,7,Gazorpian #2:," It says, ""Marc Jacobs,""
"
1744,7,Summer:," Yes,
"
1745,7,Summer:," Okay, ouch, Noted,
"
1746,7,Rick:," Good job, Summer, and thanks, girls,
"
1747,7,Morty:," Morty Jr,! Smoking?!
"
1748,7,Morty:," So what?!
"
1749,7,Morty Jr:," I don't want to masturbate,
"
1750,7,Morty:," Oh, here we go again!
"
1751,7,Morty Jr:," Love -- that's all you care about!
"
1752,7,Morty:," All right, that's it -- no more History Channel!
"
1753,7,Morty Jr:," I hate video games!
"
1754,7,Morty:," You take that back!
"
1755,7,Morty Jr:," I can't take this anymore!
"
1756,7,Morty:," No! No, no, no! Stop!
"
1757,7,Morty:," My son is gonna take over the planet, and I am too young to drive!
"
1758,7,Jerry:," [ Clears throat ]
"
1759,7,Morty:," Oh, my god!
"
1760,7,Jerry:," Oh, god,
"
1761,7,Morty:," Oh, my god!
"
1762,7,Morty Jr:," [ Roars ]
"
1763,7,Morty:," Morty Jr,, no!
"
1764,7,Jerry:," My car!
"
1765,7,Morty Jr:, 
1766,7,Rick:," Out of the -- out of the way, Morty!
"
1767,7,Morty:," He's my son!
"
1768,7,Morty Jr:," [ Growls ]
"
1769,7,Morty:," I know, Morty Jr,
"
1770,7,Morty Jr:," I'm an alien?
"
1771,7,Morty:," We all have bad impulses, bad thoughts,
"
1772,7,Morty Jr:," But I want to murder everyone I see!
"
1773,7,Morty:," Well, you know,
"
1774,7,Brad Anderson:," Actually, there is,
"
1775,7,Brad Anderson:," Well, did you get the impression
"
1776,7,Jerry:," Tell me that wasn't
"
1777,7,Morty:," Aw, see?
"
1778,7,Morty Jr:," Maybe!
"
1779,7,Morty:," I know you can do it, son,
"
1780,7,Morty Jr:," I think it's time I get a place of my own.
"
1781,7,Morty Jr:," [ Growling affectionately ]
"
1782,7,Morty:," Aaaaaaah!
"
1783,7,Jerry:," So, I assume this novel your son writes is gonna pay for my rear axle?
"
1784,7,Rick:," Isn't it interesting,
"
1785,7,Summer:," Are you sure it doesn't make you re-evaluate your policy about taking girls on adventures?
"
1786,7,Rick:," No, I'd say, given what we've been through, that I was right the whole time and any epiphanies about gender politics were a projection of your feminine insecurity,
"
1787,7,Beth:," Dad? Summer?
"
1788,7,Summer:," On Gazorpazorp,
"
1789,7,Beth:," I was reading a newspaper,
"
1790,7,Rick:," Oh, that's interesting,
"
1791,7,Interviewer:," Mortimer smith, Jr,,
"
1792,7,Morty Jr:," Certainly,
"
1793,7,Interviewer:," But you persevered, and created this masterpiece from your suffering.
"
1794,7,Beth:," It's a thankless job,
"
1795,7,Morty:," I hope he's eating enough.
"
1796,8,Bachelor (on TV),": Cynthia...
"
1797,8,Jerry,": Oh, my God! No, no..!
"
1798,8,Summer,": I told you!
"
1799,8,Beth,": Hold on.
"
1800,8,Bachelor (on TV),: Will you please... 
1801,8,Summer,": What?
"
1802,8,Jerry,": Yes!
"
1803,8,Beth,": Called it.
"
1804,8,Summer,": Why would he choose Veronica?
"
1805,8,Jerry,: Because he 
1806,8,Rick,": Well if it's any consolation, Summer, none of it mattered, and the entire show is stupid.
"
1807,8,Jerry,": Okay, I've got an idea, Rick: you show us "
1808,8,Rick ,: [
1809,8,Jerry,": Hey!
"
1810,8,Morty,": Oh, cool! Is that crystallized Zanthonite? It conducts electrons across dimensions.
"
1811,8,Rick,: [
1812,8,Jerry,": Wait, does that mean we get Showtime Extreme?
"
1813,8,Rick,: How about Showtime Extreme in a world where man evolved from 
1814,8,Corn Man 1 (on TV),": We're not so different. We're both corn of action.
"
1815,8,Corn Man 2 (on TV),: Yeah... But one of us is 
1816,8,Summer,": Bor-ing.
"
1817,8,Rick,": Summer, ["
1818,8,Jerry,": So, what, It'd be better if the people were "
1819,8,Rick,": Jerry, you don't get it. This is "
1820,8,Glenn (on TV),": This shit is delicious.
"
1821,8,Rick,: A movie about a guy eating shit. [
1822,8,Letterman (on TV),": It's a pleasure to have you.
"
1823,8,Jerry (on TV),": The pleasure's all mine.
"
1824,8,Rick,: Letterman from a time line where Jerry's famous. [
1825,8,Jerry,": Wait!
"
1826,8,Beth,": What in the hell?
"
1827,8,Rick,: I agree. Where's 
1828,8,Jerry,": No, the "
1829,8,Rick,: 
1830,8,Woman (on TV),": Glenn, this is a "
1831,8,Rick,": All right, Jerry, when you're right, you're right. Now I'm hooked.
"
1832,8,Announcer (on TV),": Coming up next on ""Shmloo's the Shmloss"", Shmlony has a nightmare.
"
1833,8,Shmlony (on TV),": Shmlantha, Schmlona!
"
1834,8,Rick,": Amazing. A dimension where all proper nouns begin with ""Schmla"".
"
1835,8,Shmlony (on TV),": Schmlove, Schmlandula, Schmlonathan--
"
1836,8,Rick,": All right, that got, that actually got old pretty quick.
"
1837,8,Jerry,: [
1838,8,Rick ,[
1839,8,Beth,": Go back, go back!
"
1840,8,Rick,: Jeez. [
1841,8,Jerry (on TV),": You speak da tru-tru.
"
1842,8,Summer,": Oh my God! Dad's in ""Cloud Atlas""!
"
1843,8,Jerry,": I'm in ""Cloud Atlas""! What's ""Cloud Atlas""?
"
1844,8,Jerry (on TV),": Sometimes small tru-tru different than da big tru-tru.
"
1845,8,Beth,": How is this possible?
"
1846,8,Rick,": Infinite timelines, infinite possibilities - including a time line where Jerry's a movie star. Look, you guys are getting excited about the wrong aspect of this device. Ju-- Wa-- Look at this. ["
1847,8,Host in Trenchcoat (on TV),": And now, another Quick Mystery.
"
1848,8,Cop (on TV),": I just want to know who could've done something like this. It's a travesty!
"
1849,8,Killer 1 (on TV),": I did. See this knife and all the blood on it? Here's my fingerprints.
"
1850,8,Judge (on TV),": Guilty! I sentence you to life in prison.
"
1851,8,Host in Trenchcoat (on TV),": Here's another Quick Mystery.
"
1852,8,Man (on TV),": My mother's dead!
"
1853,8,Killer 2 (on TV),": And I killed her. Here's the weapon. And cuff me, thank you very much.
"
1854,8,Judge (on TV),": Guilty! Sentenced to murder.
"
1855,8,Host in Trenchcoat (on TV),": Here's anothe--
"
1856,8,Killer 3 (on TV),: I'm the killer! [
1857,8,Host in Trenchcoat (on TV),": Wow, that one was "
1858,8,Rick,": Now who wants to watch random, crazy TV shows from different dimensions, a-a-and then who wants to narcissistically obsess about their alternate self?
"
1859,8,"Beth, Summer, and Jerry ",[
1860,8,Rick,: [
1861,8,Beth and Summer: ,[
1862,8,Rick,": I'm proud of you, Morty.
"
1863,8,Morty,": Hey man, I don't give a crap about myself, Rick. Let's watch some crazy stuff, yo!
"
1864,8,Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson (on TV),": I'm Ants-In-My-Eyes Johnson, Here at Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson's Electronics. I mean, there's so many ants in my eyes! And there's so many TVs, microwaves, radios I think, I can't-- I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock, because I can't see anything. Our prices, I hope, aren't too low! Check out this refrigerator! Only $200! What about this microwave? Only $100! That's fair! I'm Ants-in-My-Eyes Johnson! "
1865,8,Beth,": Are we sure we want to do this? Look at our own alternate lives?
"
1866,8,Jerry: ,You're right. Maybe we should just play Yahtzee-- [
1867,8,Beth: ,"What do you see?
"
1868,8,Jerry: ,"Whiteness... Pure whiteness.
"
1869,8,Johnny Depp (on Device): ,"You're my best friend, Jerry Smith. I love doing cocaine with you.
"
1870,8,Jerry:," Whoa! I love doing cocaine with you too, Johnny Depp!
"
1871,8,Beth:, [
1872,8,Jerry: ,"That's great, Beth! You always wanted to be a real surgeon.
"
1873,8,Beth: ,[
1874,8,Jerry: ,"Ahh, uh-- Summer's turn! ["
1875,8,Summer:," Finally! I don't see anything.
"
1876,8,Beth:," Well, you should select a different timeline, I mean, if your father and I achieved our dreams, there's a chance you weren't even born-- That came out "
1877,8,Summer: ,<i>Fine</i>
1878,8,Beth:," Yahtzee's fun. We love Yahtzee.
"
1879,8,Jerry:," It's a fun game for fun families! Hey, could I get those goggles back for a second?
"
1880,8,Announcer (on TV): ,"It's a 45 horsepower with anti-lock brakes, and it's the official car of Mr. Sneezy 3D. It's the brand-new Sneezy XL. The horn when you honk it makes a sneeze noise. ["
1881,8,Mr. Sneezy 3D (on TV):," Oh, I'm Mr. Sneezy! Achoo!
"
1882,8,Morty:," Huh, seems like TV from other dimensions has a somewhat looser feel to it.
"
1883,8,Rick:," Yeah, it's got an almost improvisational tone. ["
1884,8,Announcer (on TV):," It's in theaters now! Coming this summer: Two brothers. In a van. And then a meteor hit. And they ran as fast as they could, from giant cat monsters. And then a giant tornado came. And "
1885,8,Beth:," Holy crap, I am winning a Nobel Prize.
"
1886,8,Jerry: ,[
1887,8,Summer: ,[
1888,8,Beth:," When two people create a life together, they set aside their previous lives as individuals.
"
1889,8,Jerry:," Gimme a break! We're not heroes for having unprotected sex on prom night.
"
1890,8,Beth:," Oh, "
1891,8,Jerry:," Well now that we know you think the tables are turning, "
1892,8,Beth:, [
1893,8,Jerry:," All this time, you've been thinking, ""What if that loser Jerry hadn't talked me out of the abortion?""
"
1894,8,Summer:," Um--
"
1895,8,Jerry:, Well now you know: you'd be a doctor. [
1896,8,Summer:, You thought about getting an 
1897,8,Beth:, Everyone 
1898,8,Jerry:," Yeah, you're welcome.
"
1899,8,Summer:," Yeah, thank you guys "
1900,8,Rick: ,[
1901,8,Rick:, I'm in heaven right now. [
1902,8,Morty:," This might be the best day of my life.
"
1903,8,Beth:," So now what do we do?
"
1904,8,Jerry:," That show ""Ball Fondlers"" sounded kind of interesting.
"
1905,8,Summer:, 
1906,8,Jerry:," What? They're having fun in there! What do you guys want from me? Every family on this block has to wonder if they're together by choice. Our family just has inter-dimensional goggles to show us for a fact that we're not.
"
1907,8,Summer:," Well, I'm leaving!
"
1908,8,Beth:," You can't leave, you're "
1909,8,Summer:," Yeah, and I'm "
1910,8,Announcer (on TV," It's Saturday Night Live! Starring A Piece of Toast! Two guys with handle-bar mustaches! A man painted silver who makes robot noises! Garmanarnar! Three s-- uh uh, uh, uh, I'll get back to that one. A hole in the wall, where the men can see it all, and returning, for his 25th consecutive year: Bobby Moynihan!
"
1911,8,Rick:," Interesting fun fact, uh… Moynihan and Piece of Toast hate each other. Apparently they've got some "
1912,8,Fake Doors Salesman (on TV):," Hey, are you tired of real doors, cluttering up your house, where you open 'em, and they actually go somewhere? ["
1913,8,Morty:," Hey, wait a minute, Rick. Wh-- I thought this was a commercial. Wh-what's going on? I mean--
"
1914,8,Rick:," Relax, Morty. Don't-don't worry about it. Let's just just see where this goes.
"
1915,8,Fake Doors Salesman (on TV):, [
1916,8,Morty:," See, that must be where he lives. OK...
"
1917,8,Rick:," Huh. Making himself a sandwich now..
"
1918,8,Fake Doors Salesman (on TV): ,[
1919,8,Morty:, 
1920,8,Rick:," Oh my God! It's still the commercial!
"
1921,8,Fake Doors Salesman (on TV):," We have fake doors like you wouldn't believe! What are you worried about? Come get fake doors. Call us up, and order some fake doors today. Don't even hesitate, Don't even worry and don't even...
"
1922,8,Rick:," All right, I'm bored. Change it.
"
1923,8,Morty:," Wait wait, Rick! Hold on hold on...
"
1924,8,Fake Doors Salesman (on TV):," ...give it a second thought. That's our slogan. See it on the bottom of the screen, below our name. Here's another slogan, right below that one. What are you worried about? Come get fake doors! Get in here quick, get out quicker, with an arm of fake doors in you arms.
"
1925,8,Morty:," Okay, okay, you can change it.
"
1926,8,Fake Doors Salesman (on TV):," Don't even worry about it!
"
1927,8,Gazorpazorpfield (on TV):, [
1928,8,Morty:," Hey Rick, that's pretty cool! It's just like Garfield, only instead, it's Gazorpazorpfield.
"
1929,8,Rick:," Hey, isn't Gazorpazorp where-where uh, where those Sex robots came from, remember? That whole thing?
"
1930,8,Morty:," Yeah hey, that's pretty, pretty that's true. That's right!
"
1931,8,Rick:," Yeah. Let's watch some more Gazorpazorpfield!
"
1932,8,Gazorpazorpfield (on TV):," Hey Jon, it's me, Gazorpazorpfield. Boy, fuck you, Jon. You dumb, stupid, idiot.
"
1933,8,Jon (on TV):," Come on, Gazorpazorpfield, go easy on me, huh?
"
1934,8,Gazorpazorpfield (on TV):," You dumb, stupid, weak, pathetic, white, white uh, uh guilt, white guilt, milquetoast piece of human garbage.
"
1935,8,Jon:," Jeez, Gazorpazorpfield, that's-- you know you're pretty mean to me, but that takes the cake.
"
1936,8,Gazorpazorpfield (on TV):, I don't give a 
1937,8,Morty:," Hey, Rick, you know, di-did they use Bill Murray for this? Sounds a lot like Bill Murray.
"
1938,8,Rick:," No, Morty, it's Lorenzo Music. In this reality, he's still alive.
"
1939,8,Morty:," Oh, okay, was his name Lorenzo Music?
"
1940,8,Rick:," Yeah, I'm pretty sure. He also did that voice of that one guy from Ghostbusters, which is really strange, because it's the same character Bill Murray played in the movie. But then, when they made the movie Bill Murray did the voice of Gazorpazorp-- or Garfield, I mean.
"
1941,8,Morty:," Yeah, that's pretty cool, Rick. So all that happened in this reality too?
"
1942,8,Rick:," I don't know. Just making conversation with you, Morty. What do you think? I-I-I-I know everything about everything?
"
1943,8,Beth:, Did you 
1944,8,Jerry:," Well, we... we blew a tire on the way to the clinic.
"
1945,8,Beth:," I think, in my head, I was doing it all for the kids. And now the first kid is going to... do something with turquoise.
"
1946,8,Jerry:," Which is either code for crystal meth, or a gateway to it.
"
1947,8,Beth:," So, we didn't do the kids any favors. So, we should stay together for each other and ourselves... or...
"
1948,8,Jerry: ,"Or?
"
1949,8,Spokesman (on TV):," Man. Woman. And now, trunk man? We know science has created men that have a trunk that allows them to have sex with both male and female partners. But we "
1950,8,Suspender Guy (on TV):," The act that says that gay uh trunk people can get married. Who needs it?
"
1951,8,Garbageman (on TV):," Not on my watch!
"
1952,8,Spokeman (on TV):, Paid for by Michael Denny and The Denny Singers.  [
1953,8,Trunkperson (on TV):," Hi, I'm a trunk person. And I want I-I feel love in my heart, too, just like you. I want to be able to express that love, with both a man and a woman. And I won't be able to if Denny and The Denny Singers get their way.
"
1954,8,New Yorker (on TV):," Hey, let the trunk people have sex and get married, huh?
"
1955,8,Spokesman (on TV):, Paid for by... Trunk People. [
1956,8,Mr. Tophat Jones (on TV):," Oh, I love me Strawberry Smiggles! Ooh, I hope nobody ever gets my hands on me, and tries to steal my Strawberry Smiggles. I'm going to eat every last one of them, because and then they'll be in my stomach, and nobody will ever be able to eat them. Except for me, because they're going to be all inside my stomach. I'm my name is Mister... Tophat Jones, and God forbid anyone ever take my sniggy, little pig-dul smiggles. I'm keeping 'em all for me.
"
1957,8,Mr. Tophat Jones (on TV):, No! Get away from me! Get away from me and my Strawberry Smiggles! No! [
1958,8,Morty:," Jeez, Rick. Oh my god! That's some pretty hardcore stuff, you know, for a cereal commercial.
"
1959,8,Rick:," Well, you know, Morty, I mean, you want to sell boxes of cereal, you gotta, you gotta, pump the gas a little. Pedal t-to the metal, Morty.
"
1960,8,Announcer (on TV):," In a world, where muscular mannies are coming, and they're coming strong, there's only three unmuscular Michaels.
"
1961,8,Unmuscular Michael 1 (on TV): ,"Get down! Hurry, run!
"
1962,8,Muscular Mannies:, 
1963,8,Announcer (on TV):," And that's when real - Turbulent - Juice is coming, and you gotta take care of it. With Turbulent Juice, turbulent tables, no room is safe from the turbulent power of Turbulent Juice.
"
1964,8,Morty:, What in the 
1965,8,Rick:," Sex sells, Morty.
"
1966,8,Morty:, Sex sells 
1967,8,Jerry:," Oh, your mother and I are going to be spending some time apart, Morty. And your sister found out she was an unwanted pregnancy.
"
1968,8,Morty:," W-w-w-what?
"
1969,8,Rick:, Speaking of [
1970,8,Police Chief (on TV):," Baby Legs, you're a good detective… but not good enough, because of your baby legs. So I'm partnering you up with Regular Legs.
"
1971,8,Regular Legs (on TV):," Hey there.
"
1972,8,Baby Legs (on TV):," Detective, I'm-- this is upsetting to me, because I feel like I don't need no regular-leg partner.
"
1973,8,Police Chief (on TV):," Baby Legs, don't talk back to me. Good luck you two, there's a criminal to kill. ["
1974,8,Regular Legs (on TV):," Wow! You sure found this guy quick!
"
1975,8,Baby Legs (on TV):," Uh, yeah, because I'm a good detective.
"
1976,8,Regular Legs (on TV): ,[
1977,8,Criminal (on TV) :," Oh, fuck it, I'm the killer. I'm running, running real quick.
"
1978,8,Baby Legs (on TV):," Baby Legs, here we go! ["
1979,8,Regular Legs (on TV):," I'm coming, Baby Legs! I'm Regular Legs! ["
1980,8,Baby Legs (on TV):," Hey, that was good team work.
"
1981,8,Police Chief (on TV): ,"Baby Legs, and Regular Legs, I'm proud of you two for working together, and Baby Legs, I know it was hard for you to come to the conclusion that you need a partner. But I'm proud of you that you did it.
"
1982,8,Baby Legs (on TV):," Hey thanks, chief!
"
1983,8,Police Chief (on TV): ,"Now get the fuck out of here!
"
1984,8,Rick: ,"Pretty cool, huh, Morty? ["
1985,8,Jerry:," Uh, I thought it was cool.
"
1986,8,Rick:," I don't give a fuck what you think, "
1987,8,Morty: ,[
1988,8,Summer:," No, you don't. You're the little brother. You're not the cause of your parents' misery. You're just a symptom of it.
"
1989,8,Morty:," Can I show you something?
"
1990,8,Summer:," Morty, no offense, but a drawing of me you made when you were 8 isn't gonna make make me feel like less of an accident.
"
1991,8,Morty:, [
1992,8,Summer:," Wait, what? ["
1993,8,Morty:," On one of our adventures, Rick and I basically destroyed the "
1994,8,Summer:," So, you're not my brother?
"
1995,8,Morty:, I'm 
1996,8,Announcer (on TV):," Mrs. Sullivan always planned to leave everything to her cats. But sometimes, plans need a helping paw. What are the kitties to do, but buckle together and work as a team.
"
1997,8,Business Man (on TV):," Mrs. Sullivan, I uh, please forgive me for being forward, but your eyes are so "
1998,8,Jerry:," Wait, this is an "
1999,8,Announcer (on TV):," This fall, sparks will fly!
"
2000,8,Business Man (on TV): ,[
2001,8,Announcer (on TV):," Between one guy, who can't get a break...
"
2002,8,Business Man (on TV):," There's something about you, Mrs. Sullivan.
"
2003,8,Announcer (on TV):," ...and nine cats who break all the rules. Last Will and Testa-meow: Weekend at Dead Cat Lady's House 2.
"
2004,8,Jerry:," Well, somebody in Hollywood just lost their job.
"
2005,8,Announcer (on TV):," Written and directed by Jerry Smith.
"
2006,8,Jerry:, I wrote 
2007,8,Rick:," Hey Morty, you just missed a preview for your Dad's ""Citizen Kane"".
"
2008,8,Morty:, Doesn't matter. [
2009,8,Jerry:," Hey, if your, uh, mother and I had to split custody - who would you guys choose?
"
2010,8,Summer:, Doesn't matter. [
2011,8,Jerry: ,[
2012,8,News Anchor (on TV):," Breaking News: Academy Award-winning actor Jerry Smith is leading police on a slow-speed pursuit after suffering an apparent breakdown.
"
2013,8,Jerry:," Don't even think about it.
"
2014,8,Rick:," Come on, Je- Are you kidding me, Jerry? It's just a bunch of dumb tabloid crap.
"
2015,8,Jerry: ,<i>[snatching the remote] </i>
2016,8,Beth: ,[
2017,8,Jerry:," Where the hell am I going?
"
2018,8,Rick:, [
2019,8,Beth (on Device): ,[
2020,8,Jerry (on Device):," Beth Sanchez, I have been in love with you since high school. I hate acting, I hate cocaine, I hate Kristen Stewart. I wish you hadn't gotten that abortion, and I've never stopped thinking about what might've been.
"
2021,8,Rick: ,[
2022,8,Summer:," Yeah, I could go for some Ball Fondlers.
"
2023,8,Morty:," Yeah, Ball Fondlers.
"
2024,8,<b>--After-Credit Scene--</b>,"
"
2025,8,Hamster News Anchor (on TV):," Ha-ha, Hamster-in-Butt-World Weather is done, and now it's sports time, coming up.
"
2026,8,Female Hamster (on TV):," Oh, hello there!
"
2027,8,Male Hamster (on TV):," Good day to you, Miss.
"
2028,8,Beth:," So, the hamsters live inside the rectums of those people?
"
2029,8,Rick: ,[
2030,8,Jerry:," Well, how does that work? I mean, do the butts look like little apartments inside?
"
2031,8,Morty:," Yeah! And can they like, leave the butt, and like walk around on their own?
"
2032,8,Rick: ,[
2033,8,Summer: ,"Grandpa Rick, if they leave the butt, and the person wanders off, how would they find their butt person again?
"
2034,8,Rick: ,[
2035,8,Jerry:," Ooh! Family vacation!
"
2036,9,Morty," Hey Rick, I have to make a project for the science fair this weekend. You think you could help me out?"
2037,9,Rick, Whatever.
2038,9,Jerry," Well, um, traditionally science fairs are a father-son thing."
2039,9,Rick," Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing."
2040,9,Beth,"
typing on phone Morty, I think it will be fun for you to work on a science project with your dad."
2041,9,Morty,"
putting away phone, clears throat Yeah, dad, why don't we do it together?"
2042,9,Jerry," Yes! You backed the right horse on this one, son! We'll get out the crayons, brew some coffee and knock this thing out in two or three days."
2043,9,Butter robot, What is my purpose?
2044,9,Rick, Pass the butter.
2045,9,Rick, Thank you.
2046,9,Morty,"
sighs
"
2047,9,Summer," Dad, I need a ride to work."
2048,9,Jerry, Maybe Rick can give you a ride. I'm helping Morty with science.
2049,9,Rick, I'm busy.
2050,9,Summer, Doing what?
2051,9,Rick," Uh, anything else?"
2052,9,Butter robot, What is my purpose?
2053,9,Rick, You pass butter.
2054,9,Butter robot, Oh my god.
2055,9,Rick," Yeah, welcome to the club, pal."
2056,9,Rick, Since when did you have a job?
2057,9,Summer, Since last week. It's part time at this little vintage thrift store. My boss is this really smart eccentric old man that treats me nice and values me.
2058,9,Rick," Wee-ow, can't wait to meet this fascinating character."
2059,9,Summer, Please don't.
2060,9,Goldenfold, Oh... when did this stop being jamba juice?
2061,9,Needful," I've just recently opened for business, Mr, um, Goldenfold."
2062,9,Goldenfold, You know my name? That's disarming.
2063,9,Needful, I also know you long for female company.
2064,9,Goldenfold," You know, it has been lonely since the divorce. Some voids can't be filled with jamba juice."
2065,9,Needful: This aftershave makes a man quite irresistible to women. Free of charge, one never pays here. Not with money.
2066,9,Goldenfold, Nothing to read into there! Thanks!
2067,9,Summer," Sorry I'm late, Mr. Needful. This is my grandpa Rick, he was just leaving."
2068,9,Rick,"
inspecting objects Huh."
2069,9,Needful," Tell me Rick, what do you desire?"
2070,9,Rick," Eh, I make my own stuff. So what are you, like, the devil?"
2071,9,Needful, What? Sorry?
2072,9,Rick," I dunno, store comes out of nowhere, all the shit's old and creepy; are you the devil? A demon? Leprechaun?"
2073,9,Summer, Grandpa Rick!
2074,9,Rick," Hey, I'm not judging. I just like to shoot straight. I'm a man of science."
2075,9,Needful, Ahah. Then perhaps you could make use of this. picks up microscope This microscope reveals things beyond comprehension. Hahahaha.
2076,9,Rick, Hahahahaha.
2077,9,Summer," Grandpa, go home and drink!"
2078,9,Jerry, Why don't we do a model of the solar system? That's what my dad did with me when I was your age.
2079,9,Morty, Oh. Ok.
2080,9,Jerry," You know, Rick's in his lab making cyborgs and wormholes and all that weird stuff, but this is real science! A man and his boy, making planets! Hey, how ‘bout we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto, and then Jupiter-"
2081,9,Morty," Uh, actually, I don't think Pluto's a planet."
2082,9,Jerry,"
laughing Of course Pluto's a planet, son, I learned that in the third grade."
2083,9,Morty," Well, yeah, but, you know, they changed it."
2084,9,Jerry," Morty, nobody changed the planets."
2085,9,Morty," I just googled it. Uh, Pluto's not a planet. They changed it in 2006."
2086,9,Jerry," Yeah, I heard about that, Morty. And I disagree."
2087,9,Morty, You... disagree?
2088,9,Jerry," That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. Pluto was a planet, some committee of fancy assholes disagree, I disagreed back. Gimmie a ping-pong ball."
2089,9,Morty," Um, ok, I just have to-"
2090,9,Jerry, Go find Rick and go for my head about Pluto?
2091,9,Morty, Gee-no! Geez! I just gotta go to the bathroom! Dayum!
2092,9,Jerry, Oh. coughs Okay good. This is gonna be fun!
2093,9,Rick," Hey, Morty, lemme ask you a question real quick. Does evil exist, and if so, can one detect and measure it?"
2094,9,Morty, Um...
2095,9,Rick," Rhetorical question Morty. The answer is yes, you just have to be a genius."
2096,9,Rick, Your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
2097,9,Morty," Ooh, oh boy Rick, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know?"
2098,9,Rick," Uh, Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded."
2099,9,Morty," Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I think the word's just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing."
2100,9,Rick, Well that's retarded.
2101,9,Jerry, What are you guys talking about?
2102,9,Rick, Apparently nothing.
2103,9,Jerry," You asked him if Pluto's a planet, didn't you?"
2104,9,Morty, No!
2105,9,Rick, It's not.
2106,9,Jerry," Shut up, Rick."
2107,9,Rick, Whoa.
2108,9,Jerry," I don't care what anyone says. If it can be a planet, it can be a planet again. Planet. Planet planet planet."
2109,9,Rick," Stay scientific, Jerry."
2110,9,Goldenfold, This aftershave made women want me but it also made me impotent!
2111,9,Needful," A price for everything, Mr. Goldenfold. A price... for everything! Muahahahaha!"
2112,9,Goldenfold,"
crying Oh my god! How can I not see this coming? My lust! My greed! I deserve thi-"
2113,9,Rick, This serum should counteract the negative effects.
2114,9,Goldenfold,"
looking into own pants Holy cats! Ladies, let's get out of here."
2115,9,Goldenfold,"
outsideI haven't learned a thing!"
2116,9,Rick,"
giving back microscope Here. You can have this back."
2117,9,Needful, You didn't use it?
2118,9,Rick," Sure I did. To develop this. It detects and catalogues all your Twilight Zone Ray Bradbury Friday the 13th of series voodoo crap magic. I thought you might want it so you didn't accidentally sell anybody, say, scans a typewriter that generates best-selling murder mysteries, then makes the murders happen in real life? Oooh."
2119,9,Needful, Be quiet!
2120,9,Rick, Don't you want to make sure people know what they're getting? You're not intentionally selling scans beauty cream that makes ugly ladies pretty but also makes them blind?
2121,9,Needful, I find this all quite preposterous!
2122,9,Rick," Oh, I say, good sir! Oh, harrumph, oh, oh, bobba-doppa-doopa-bo-bo. scans animal fur scarf being tried on by customer That's beautiful, you know it's going to be wearing you in three hours?"
2123,9,Needful, Do I need to call the police?
2124,9,Rick," Here, you can use my phone. Don't worry, it won't make you deaf because I'm not a hack."
2125,9,Summer, Hey! No! Ugh!
2126,9,Rick, Think you're so great?
2127,9,Summer, Stop it!
2128,9,Summer," No! Stop! Hey, hey! Stop it right now!"
2129,9,Summer," Grandpa Rick, I like working here!"
2130,9,Rick, You work for the devil!
2131,9,Summer, So what?
2132,9,Rick and Needful," ""So what""?!"
2133,9,Summer," Yes, so what if he's the devil, Rick? At least the devil has a job. At least he's active in the community. What do you do? You eat our food, and make gadgets. Buh bye."
2134,9,Rick, Whoops.
2135,9,Summer," I'm sorry Mr. Needful, I'll clean that up. I don't know what I can do about the ghost lady that came out of it, but..."
2136,9,Needful," It's fine. Summer, you know your grandfather's right. This store curses people. That's my business."
2137,9,Summer," Well, yeah, fast food gives people diabetes and clothing stores have sweatshops. Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil? This is my first job. You've been nice to me, Mr. Needful. You respect me."
2138,9,Needful," Please, call me the devil."
2139,9,Summer," I'd rather not, actually."
2140,9,Needful," Yes, perhaps not during business hours."
2141,9,Jerry," I told you, I want to file a declaration that Pluto is a planet! ... Well, then my son's going to fail his science class, and when that happens, I'm suing you first! hangs up I think I know what the A in NASA stands for."
2142,9,Morty," Dad, what's your endgame?"
2143,9,Jerry," Ain't no game, sucka."
2144,9,Morty, Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets? It's even easier!
2145,9,Jerry," Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake for saying the sun is round? Science isn't always easy, Morty!"
2146,9,Jerry and Morty," Whoa, whoa! Whoa!"
2147,9,Jerry, What the hell?
2148,9,Flippynips," I'm King Flippynips, ruler of Pluto!"
2149,9,Flippynips, We discovered you quite by accident during routine surveillance of your world. You really gave it to those guys at NASA!
2150,9,Jerry, I was... you know... sometimes science is about conviction.
2151,9,Flippynips, I'd like to introduce you to a few people that very much agree with you.
2152,9,Jerry, Oh. I...
2153,9,Flippynips," Plutonians! Jerry Smith is a scientist from Earth where he's creating a model of our solar system! Jerry, tell Pluto about your decision!"
2154,9,Jerry, Pluto... is a planet.
2155,9,Flippynips," Pluto's a fucking planet, bitch!"
2156,9,Morty,"
to himself Oh man, this is definitely gonna go to his head."
2157,9,Needful," If it's athletic prowess you desire, principal Vagina, I might-"
2158,9,Vagina,"
taking ball I'll take it!"
2159,9,Needful, But I haven't even-
2160,9,Vagina," Thank you very very much, great store, great place, bye."
2161,9,Needful," Huh. Okay. I must say, Summer, I thought your grandfather's outburst would have disrupted business, but this is the best weekend I've had since Salem!"
2162,9,Summer, Nice! Wholesome delight for lunch?
2163,9,Needful, Is that the vegan place?
2164,9,Summer," Yeah, I love their soup."
2165,9,Needful, I'm kind of souped out.
2166,9,Needful," Mrs. Tate, is it? What do you desire?"
2167,9,Needful," Whoa, whoa, slow down, honey!"
2168,9,Tate," Oh, is there a limit? Everything's free, right?"
2169,9,Summer," Let's just say... you don't pay with money. laughing
"
2170,9,Needful,"
laughing That was perfect."
2171,9,Tate," You pay with the curses, right?"
2172,9,Needful," Um, I... well-"
2173,9,Needful, But Mrs. Tate! Why do you want cursed items?
2174,9,Tate," Well, I'm going to get the curses removed. At curse purge plus. You know, the guy on TV?"
2175,9,Needful, What?
2176,9,Rick ," Have you acquired creepy, specific old stuff from an antique or thrift store that grants you powers but fucks with you in unforeseeable ways? Bring it to Curse Purge Plus! I use science to uncurse the items for cash, and you get to keep the powers! This guy got mysterious sneakers to make him run faster! But guess what? He would have had to run until he died, making them worthless. I removed the curse, making them worth, like, I dunno, eight million dollars? See ya at the olympics. This eerily intelligent doll was threatening to murder its family. Now it does their taxes."
2177,9,Baby , Everything's deductible.
2178,9,Rick ," Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul. Pay for it with money. You know, like how every other store in the world works? We're located at First and Main in old town. Come on, come on down."
2179,9,Needful, First... and...
2180,9,Rick , Wubba... lubba... dub dub!
2181,9,Rick, Wubba lubba dub dub!
2182,9,Rick," That's right across the street from Needful Things, where you can get evil items for free!"
2183,9,Needful, Diabolical son of a mother-
2184,9,Hostess," We're back on Good Morning Pluto, and a very good morning it is for our guest, Earth scientist Jerry Smith, who is making headlines with his bold announcement that is, what Jerry?"
2185,9,Jerry, Pluto is a planet.
2186,9,Host,"
laughing How about that?"
2187,9,Hostess, Wow. I love it!
2188,9,Scroopy Noopers, Morty Smith. I'm Scroopy Noopers. I'm a scientist. Can I show you something?
2189,9,Morty, Uh... I'd better not.
2190,9,Scroopy Noopers,"
pulling out a gun Right now."
2191,9,Scroopy Noopers," The centre of Pluto, Mr. Smith, is made up of a substance called plutonium. Mines like these suck Plutonium up to the cities, where corporations use it to power everything, from diamond cars to golden showers. And the more we remove, the more Pluto shrinks."
2192,9,Scroopy Noopers," There it goes again. Just shrank a little. But a few years ago, your scientists had noticed Pluto had gotten so small they couldn't even call it a planet any more. Should have been our wake up call. But the rich plutonians won't wake up. And they love your dad telling everyone Pluto's a planet, because that means they can keep mining until Pluto goes from planet to asteroid to meteor, and finally, poof. At the last word, he blows a handful of blue dust into the air
"
2193,9,Morty, Um... A party?
2194,9,Scroopy Noopers, Is everyone in your family an idiot?
2195,9,Morty, For sure me and my dad are.
2196,9,Scroopy Noopers,"
sigh Well, all you have to do is get him to admit that, and you could save four billion lives."
2197,9,Morty," Uh, yeah, you know, the thing is... my dad's really insecure."
2198,9,Summer," Hm, funny. Mr Needful, out of everything in the store you'll never guess what we couldn't get rid of!"
2199,9,Summer, Ah! Oh my god!
2200,9,Summer, Oh my god. using monkey paw I wish this desk was lighter!
2201,9,Summer,"
using monkey paw I wish this knot was looser!"
2202,9,Summer, Come on! I don't... Augh! Wait! What am I doing? using monkey paw I wish I knew CPR!
2203,9,Summer," One, two, three! One, two, three!"
2204,9,Needful,"
coughing Ugh, Jesus. What a waste of a monkey paw."
2205,9,Summer, Mr. Needful! How could you even think of doing something so horrible?
2206,9,Needful," I'm the devil. What should I do when I fail, give myself an ice-cream?"
2207,9,Summer, You haven't failed.
2208,9,Needful," People like Rick are making me obsolete. I mean seriously, I may be the devil but your grandpa is the devil! I just want to go back to hell where everybody thinks I'm smart and funny."
2209,9,Summer," No! It's not fair. Everyone in this town got something they wanted from you, even Rick! I was your only friend, and I get nothing?"
2210,9,Needful," Okay, I'll give you one thing. Name it."
2211,9,Summer, I wanna help you.
2212,9,Needful, Clever twist.
2213,9,Summer," I learned from the best, you old fart. Now let's go get you hydrated."
2214,9,Rick," Looks like we've got... haunted boxing gloves that will make you the heavyweight champion, in 1936 and then you'll be trapped there winning the same fight for eternity. I can take out the eternity, and the padding, and then you'll have some time travelling mittens."
2215,9,Rick," Oh, look, it's Rosemary's baby! How's business?"
2216,9,Summer, Here's the last of our inventory. We're going to file chapter 11 and do some restructuring.
2217,9,Rick," Sounds like code for ‘You win, Rick!'"
2218,9,Summer," That was important to you, wasn't it?"
2219,9,Rick," Nope, it was important to your dumb devil friend. To me this was all just a bit like when Bugs Bunny fucks with the opera singer for twenty minutes."
2220,9,Summer, He tried to kill himself.
2221,9,Rick, Seriously? Holy crap. Holy crap.
2222,9,Summer," But you know what, grandpa Rick? He's strong. And he's never going to give up."
2223,9,Rick," Uh huh, yeah, I don't care."
2224,9,Summer," Oh, I know. Everyone knows you don't care."
2225,9,Rick, So?
2226,9,Summer, So... have fun not caring.
2227,9,Rick, I always do.
2228,9,Summer, Good.
2229,9,Rick," Yeah, it is good. It's the best."
2230,9,Summer, I'm sure it is. Bye.
2231,9,Rick, Later!
2232,9,Customer, I'm here to pick up my undead cat and child.
2233,9,Rick," Yeah, uh, gimmie a sec."
2234,9,Employee, These are the forms for the employee health plan.
2235,9,Rick," Alright, yeah, uh, put ‘em on my... eh."
2236,9,Rick, I just got bored. Everybody out.
2237,9,Jerry," Alright, just one more rally, then I promise, we'll get back to your science project."
2238,9,Morty," Dad, Pluto isn't a planet! It's shrinking because of corporations!"
2239,9,Jerry," Yeah, that's what that anti-planet nutjob Scroopy Noopers was screaming about outside the Ministry of Moneys fundraiser. Are you telling me four billion plutonians are wrong?"
2240,9,Morty, You told me science wasn't easy!
2241,9,Jerry," I said science isn't always easy, obviously that means sometimes it is easy. Let's not debase ourselves with word games, son."
2242,9,Morty," Dad, their whole planet is dying!"
2243,9,Jerry, Hah! You called it a planet! Checkmate.
2244,9,Jerry," What's up, Pluto?"
2245,9,Plutonian woman," Mr. Smith, please! Tell my friend here what you just told me, go on."
2246,9,Jerry," My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pickles, and the pickles is Pluto."
2247,9,Plutonian man, My god! The man's a genius!
2248,9,Morty," Um, excuse me? taps champagne glass with spoon
"
2249,9,Jerry," Morty, what?"
2250,9,Morty," Dad, what did you think about the recent report published by the Pluto Science Reader, linking plutoquakes, sinkholes and surface shrinkage to deep core plutonium drilling?"
2251,9,Jerry," ...Well son, what did you think when you were five, and you pooped your pants, and you threw your poopy undies out your bedroom window because you thought it was like throwing something in the garbage?"
2252,9,Plutonians,"
laughing
"
2253,9,Jerry," I mean, I'm trimming the hedges and these things are just hanging there, was I supposed to think the poop bunny left them?"
2254,9,Morty," Good one, dad."
2255,9,Rick,"
looks into Morty's room Hey Morty, you wanna go on a- oh. goes into kitchen Hey Beth? Hello? Goes into living room Hey Jerry, you in here being stupid? sighs
"
2256,9,Rick," Thanks. Hey, y'know, I was thinking I might watch a movie..."
2257,9,Butter robot, I am not programmed for friendship.
2258,9,Rick, Suit yourself.
2259,9,Rick, Hey! clears throat Hey. What's going on?
2260,9,Morty," Um... listen, can you help me do this stupid science fair project?"
2261,9,Rick, Whatever.
2262,9,Flippynips," Jerry, you must be so excited! The Plutobell Prize is the highest honour a scientist can receive!"
2263,9,Jerry," I'm flattered, and humbled."
2264,9,Flippynips," Ooh, I like that. Use that in your speech. Also, talk about Pluto being a planet, people like that."
2265,9,Policeman, Your highness! We've captured Scroopy Noopers!
2266,9,Scroopy Noopers, You animals! Animals!
2267,9,Flippynips," Ooh, look whose little journey's come to an end! Take him to Plutonimo Bay!"
2268,9,Scroopy Noopers," You can't kill the truth, father!"
2269,9,Jerry, What?
2270,9,Flippynips," I can see you're confused. Plutonimo bay is a military prison, a sort of play on words-"
2271,9,Jerry," Did he call you father? Scroopy Noopers, the anti-planet nutjob is your son?"
2272,9,Flippynips," The young eat the old if you let them, Jerry. Pluto is a cold, cold celestial dwarf."
2273,9,Jerry, It's a what?
2274,9,Flippynips," Huh? Oh- planet! Hah! Hoh, Pluto is a cold cold planet! That's what I meant. Knock ‘em dead out there, you. sips champagne
"
2275,9,Jerry, Pluto is...
2276,9,Jerry,"
sigh Not a planet."
2277,9,Crowd," Boo! throws things
"
2278,9,Jerry," Ow! It's not a planet! Hey! It's not a planet! I'm an idiot, and I love my son!"
2279,9,Needful," It's been a long six hours, but we've overhauled Needful Things into the globally compliant, web 4.0 e-nomenon, n33dful.com! Spelled with 3s instead of Es."
2280,9,Crowd, Woot! Yeah! Woot! Excited!
2281,9,Needful," Okay, that's it! We just got bought by Google!"
2282,9,Crowd, Yeah!
2283,9,Summer," Mmh! I'm so proud of you, Lucius. So... how much did we make?"
2284,9,Needful, Haha. ‘We.' pushes Summer away This is my business! Security!
2285,9,Summer, Ah! You're Zuckerberging me?
2286,9,Needful," I was Zuckerberging people before Zuckerberg's balls dropped. I'm the devil, beeyotch! What what!"
2287,9,Jerry, Hey!
2288,9,Jerry, Hey Morty.
2289,9,Morty, Oh! Hey dad! closes laptop Um... What are you doing back from Pluto so quick?
2290,9,Jerry," Ah, some people just can't handle the truth. Especially dummies like me. Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, but I promise never to make that your problem again."
2291,9,Morty," Hey, dad? Nobody's smarter than Rick. But nobody else is my dad. You're a genius at that."
2292,9,Jerry," Wow... that's humbling... and flattering, son. Thank you. What say we finish ourselves an 8-planet solar system?"
2293,9,Morty," Um... I'm just going to take this thing in and... get an A. Holds up butter robot
"
2294,9,Butter robot, Butter.
2295,9,Jerry, But-
2296,9,Morty," You're a genius at being my dad, dad. Quit while you're ahead. And also, knock next time, you know? I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm 14! I got a computer in here, you know!"
2297,9,Jerry, Oh. I uh- I think I underst-
2298,9,Morty," You know you're really playing with fire when you burst in here like that, man."
2299,9,Jerry, I get it! Say no more.
2300,9,Morty," I mean, one of these days, you know, you're gonna, you're gonna end up seeing something-"
2301,9,Jerry, I got it! Noted! Goodnight!
2302,9,Rick, How's your pretend grandpa doing AKA the devil?
2303,9,Summer, He dumped me.
2304,9,Rick," Oof, sorry."
2305,9,Summer, Did we learn a lesson here I'm not seeing?
2306,9,Rick," Hm, not sure."
2307,9,Summer," Maybe in a much bigger way, Mr. Needful gave us both what we really wanted? Because I was always jealous of you hanging out with Morty and you didn't realise how much you valued my approval?"
2308,9,Rick," No, that's dumb."
2309,9,Summer," Nah, not satisfying."
2310,9,Rick," I'll tell you what though, if it's satisfaction you're after, I think I might have an idea. whispers
"
2311,9,Summer,"
listening Uh huh... uh huh... uh huh totally let's do it!"
2312,9,Needful, And that's how I took my storefront into the forefront of the upfront! Thank you Seattle!
2313,9,Needful, Rick? Summer?
2314,9,Rick, Stupid mother-
2315,9,Summer, Stupid bitch!
2316,9,Rick, Stupid motherfucker!
2317,9,Summer, Get some!
2318,9,Rick, How do you like that! Augh! How do you like that?
2319,9,Needful, Ugh... Why?
2320,9,Summer,"
lifting Mr. Needful by the neck of his shirt Because sometimes what you really need is for someone else to pay a horrible price."
2321,9,Rick, We did it!
2322,9,Summer," Haha, yeah bro. Yeah! Haha!"
2323,9,Rick," Was totally worth it! We did it, hahaha! We just pulled it off!"
2324,9,Summer, Yeah bro!
2325,9,Rick, Hahaha!
2326,9,Summer, Yeah.
2327,10,Beth," So dad, guess what tomorrow is..."
2328,10,Rick, Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday.
2329,10,Beth," No... well, it might be..."
2330,10,Rick, It is.
2331,10,Beth," Fine, but also, tomorrow is your one year anniversary back in our lives. I'm gonna make you flying saucer-shaped pancakes."
2332,10,Rick," Oh, there's no need to do that, Beth. Regular pancakes are fine."
2333,10,Beth," Happy anniversary, dad!"
2334,10,Rick," Oh, I get it. Regular pancakes are already shaped like flying saucers. takes bite Mmm, I should be making you breakfast for putting up with me."
2335,10,Jerry, Should be making us a whole restaurant.
2336,10,Beth," Nonsense, we couldn't be happier to have you around. I just wish I got to see more of you."
2337,10,Rick 1, Rick Sanchez of Earth dimension C-137. You are under arrest for crimes against alternate Ricks by the authority of the transdimensional council of Ricks.
2338,10,Jerry, Hey! What the heck?
2339,10,Rick 1, Neutralise the Jerry.
2340,10,Jerry," Wait, no!"
2341,10,Summer, Dad!
2342,10,Beth, Dad!
2343,10,Morty, Rick!
2344,10,Rick (C-137)," Everybody relax. If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, they just wanna haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions. Let's get it over with."
2345,10,Rick 1, Bring his mo-belches-orty.
2346,10,Morty," Oh, man."
2347,10,Rick (C-137), Leave my belches Morty out of this!
2348,10,Rick 1, You lost the right to have a say in these things when you refused to join belches the council.
2349,10,Beth," Wait, wh-wh-wh-what about Jerry?"
2350,10,Rick (C-137), Will you at least unfreeze my daughter's idiot?
2351,10,Jerry," -give you anything! I have a rare antique coin collection, just don't hurt me! pauses Okay, maybe not antique, but it was a limited minting. They have little R2D2s instead of George Washingtons."
2352,10,Beth, Our son's been abducted!
2353,10,Jerry, You hate me for buying those coins!
2354,10,Morty (C-137)," Geez, Rick! Wh-what is this place?"
2355,10,Rick (C-137), The citadel of Ricks. It's the secret headquarters for the council of Ricks.
2356,10,Morty (C-137), Council of Ricks?
2357,10,"Rick (C-137): As you know, Morty, I've got a lotta enemies in the universe that consider my genius a threat. Galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic government", wh-wherever you find people with heads up their asses someone wants a piece of your grandpa. And a lot of versions of me on different timelines had the same problem. So a few thousand versions of me had the INGENIOUS IDEA OF BANDING TOGETHER like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on yahoo answers.
2358,10,Morty (C-137)," Hey, what do you know? It's a cowboy version of me!"
2359,10,Rick (C-137)," Geez, you're easy to impress. Yeah, most timelines have a Rick and most Ricks have a Morty. This place is a real who's-who of who's you and me."
2360,10,Rick Salesman 1," Turn your boring old Morty into a hot fashion statement, with some Morty dazzlers!"
2361,10,Rick Salesman 2," Hey, check this out!"
2362,10,Morty Doll, Show me the Morty!
2363,10,Rick (C-137), Dumb.
2364,10,Rick Salseman 3," ‘Scuse me, sir, is your Morty insured? You know, every year hundreds of Mortys are injured in-"
2365,10,Rick (C-137)," Back off! Not my cup of tea, this place."
2366,10,Rick (C-137), I say the point of being a Rick is being a Rick.
2367,10,Rick 1," Save your anti-Rick speech for the council of Ricks, terror-Rick!"
2368,10,Rick (C-137)," Hey, save your Rick rules for the belches sheep-Ricks, Rick-pig!"
2369,10,Rick 1," Fuck me, pal."
2370,10,Rick (C-137)," Fuck you? No no no no no, fuck me!"
2371,10,Rick Council 1, Bring up the holograms!
2372,10,Rick Council 1," Twenty-seven Ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines. An unprecedented Rick-icidal epidemic. What say you, Earth Rick C-137?"
2373,10,Rick (C-137), You think I did this? Why am I the first Rick you pull in every time a Rick stubs his toe?
2374,10,Rick Council 1, You belches have a history of non-cooperation with the council.
2375,10,Rick (C-137)," Yeah, so does the scientist formerly known as Rick! Wh-wh-wh-why isn't he here in handcuffs?"
2376,10,Rick Council 1, Because he's dead too!
2377,10,Rick crowd, No!
2378,10,Rick Council 1," Who else would you have us question? You fit the profile. Of all the Ricks in the central finite curve, you're the malcontent. The rogue."
2379,10,Rick (C-137), I'm the Rick. And so were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance. You wanted to be safe from the government so you became a stupid government. That makes every Rick here less Rick than me.
2380,10,Rick crowd,"
Can you believe this guy? This guy needs to get out of here, etc. Ad lib
"
2381,10,Rick (C-137)," Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them. They're about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste. And I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake with syrup on top! And I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there's evidence! So as they say in Canada, peace oot!"
2382,10,Rick Council 1, Evidence? Good idea. Scan his portal gun!
2383,10,Rick (C-137)," Oh, come on. Don't look at another man's portal gun history. We-we all go to weird places."
2384,10,Rick Council 1," Yes, but it appears you alone have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which the murders occured!"
2385,10,Rick (C-137), What? That's Rick-diculous. I'm obviously being set up!
2386,10,Rick Council 1," Earth Rick C-137! The council of Ricks sentences you to the machine of unspeakable doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you know becomes impossible to grasp. Also every ten seconds it stabs your balls."
2387,10,Rick (C-137), I've heard enough.
2388,10,Rick (C-137)," Run, Morty!"
2389,10,Crowd rick," Uh uh, not you!"
2390,10,Morty (C-137), Aaaaah!
2391,10,Armed Rick 1, Nooo!
2392,10,Armed Rick 2, Arrrrgh! Ahhhh!
2393,10,Armed Rick 3, Aaaah!
2394,10,Armed Ricks 4 and 5, Oof!
2395,10,Morty (C-137), Oh! Oooh!
2396,10,Pizza 1," Yeah, I'd like to order one large person with extra people please."
2397,10,Pizza 2," White people. No no no no no, black people. And hispanic on half."
2398,10,Phone 1," Yes, I'd like to order one large sofa chair with extra chair please."
2399,10,Phone 2," High chair. No no no no no, recliner! And wheelchair on half."
2400,10,Armed Rick 6, They could have gone into any one of these.
2401,10,Armed Ricks,"
Ugh, son of a-, aw geez, aw man, we lost him, etc. Ad lib
"
2402,10,Sofa 1," Yeah, I'd like to order one large phone with extra phones please."
2403,10,Sofa 2," Cellphone. No no no no no, rotary! And payphone on half."
2404,10,Rick, That'll keep ‘em belches busy for a while.
2405,10,Morty," Those guys were wrong, right? You don't- you wouldn't kill yourself... y-yourselves?"
2406,10,Rick," ‘Course not, Morty! How could that profit me? Someone out there is killing Ricks, and the council ain't gonna stop thinking it's me until we clear our names."
2407,10,Rick, By finding the real Rick killer.
2408,10,Morty," I'm scared, Rick! Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons like that show Doomsday Preppers."
2409,10,Rick," Not really my style, Morty. Besides, your home is most likely swarming with Ricks right now."
2410,10,Rick 1," Alright, listen, Jerry. If Rick calls, this device is going to trace his location. You just gotta keep ‘em on the phone for thirty seconds or longer."
2411,10,Beth, Who wants lemonade?
2412,10,Rick 1," Oh yeah! Mmm! Oh, delicious!"
2413,10,Rick 2," Beth, belches you're a treasure."
2414,10,Rick 3," I have a Beth just like you in my belches reality, except you know what? She's not as brilliant or belches attractive!"
2415,10,Beth," Aww, thank belches you!"
2416,10,All Ricks, Ohohoho! She did it! She did it!
2417,10,Jerry," Uh, hello?"
2418,10,Rick (phone)," Hey Jerry, it's Rick."
2419,10,Jerry," Rick! Heyy. Haha, what's- what's up?"
2420,10,Rick (phone)," So listen, the heat's on and belches there's nowhere left to turn so Morty and I are just going to fly my spaceship into a black hole."
2421,10,Jerry, What?
2422,10,Rick (phone)," Is that cool with you, dog?"
2423,10,Jerry," Rick, no! Mortyyyy!"
2424,10,Rick 4, I got it! The call's coming from... inside the house!
2425,10,All Ricks,"
laughing
Look at his face! I can't believe our daughter married you, too easy, etc. Ad lib
"
2426,10,Rick, The Ricks are probably gonna waste some time messing with Jerry. They won't be able to help themselves. But as soon as they get bored they'll be on to us.
2427,10,Chair waiter," Phones á la clams, and phonesgetti with phoneballs. Anything else?"
2428,10,Rick," Yeah, more phonesticks please."
2429,10,Phone waiter," Right away, sir."
2430,10,Morty," You know Rick, when I first saw all those Ricks and Mortys, I thought ‘gee, that kinda devalues our bond.' But then I realised that just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines."
2431,10,Rick," Yeah, it's gotta be that way. You're a camouflage."
2432,10,Morty," Camouflage? Wh-wh-what are you talking about, Rick?"
2433,10,Rick," Ricks have a very distinct and traceable brainwave due to our genius. The best way to hide from an enemy's radar is to stand near someone with complementary brainwaves that make ours invisible. See, wh-wh-when a Rick is with a Morty, the genius waves get cancelled out by the uh, clears throat Morty waves."
2434,10,Morty, Um... because... our personalities are so different?
2435,10,Rick," Oh, shit dog! My portal gun was hacked remotely Morty, obviously by the real killer to frame me. But I was able to trace the signal. Come on, let's go!"
2436,10,Rick (C-137), Uh-oh!
2437,10,Rick 1," ‘Scuse me, we've tracked a pair of dangerous criminals to this exact location. They look exactly like us, so in order to avoid confusion I'm going to mark us each with a red X right now. That way if someone has a gun and we both tell you to shoot the other one because they're the evil one, you'll know who's lying."
2438,10,Rick 2," Hey, check it out!"
2439,10,Rick 1, Dammit!
2440,10,Chair waiter," Hey, you didn't pay your bill!"
2441,10,Rick 1, The red X! Red X!
2442,10,Rick," Hey, it's a good thing that space outlet had labcoats and your favourite kind of shirt in stock, huh Morty?"
2443,10,Morty," Yeah, Rick. I-I heard you the first time. You don't have to keep saying it over and over and over."
2444,10,Rick," Man, this place is wayyy off the grid. This guy does not wanna be found."
2445,10,Morty," Well, if he's a Rick, doesn't he just have to stand by a Morty to hide? I mean, isn't that what Mortys are? Human cloaking devices?"
2446,10,Rick," Morty, you're making a bigger deal out of this than it is."
2447,10,Morty," Oh my god, Rick, look! There's a bunch of people strapped all over that building!"
2448,10,Rick," Not people, Morty. Mortys."
2449,10,Morty (C-137), Oh my god... wh-why would somebody do this? It's horrible!
2450,10,Rick," Well, one Morty's enough to hide from the bureaucrats. But you g- you get a whole matrix of Mortys and put ‘em in agonising pain. That creates a pattern that can hide even from other Ricks, motherfucker. I fiddled with a belches concept like this once."
2451,10,Rick," On paper, Morty, on paper! I wouldn't do this, it's barbaric overkill. I mean, you could accomplish the same result with like five Mortys and a jumper cable. pauses as Morty glares at him Which I also wouldn't do! I'm just saying, it's bad craftsmanship."
2452,10,Beth, Coffee time!
2453,10,All ricks,"
Yeah! That's what I like to hear! etc. Ad lib
"
2454,10,Jerry, Ugh.
2455,10,Doofus Rick, Hi Jerry!
2456,10,Jerry," Leave me alone, I'm working!"
2457,10,Doofus Rick," Oh, you are? Wh-wh-what do you do?"
2458,10,Jerry, Ugh. I'm- I'm in between advertising jobs.
2459,10,Doofus Rick," Advertising? Wow! So, people need help figuring out what to buy and then y-you help them?"
2460,10,Jerry," W-well, it's a little more complicated than that..."
2461,10,Doofus Rick," Well, I mean, you do it, and you seem like a guy that really has it all together!"
2462,10,Jerry,"
Looks around for hiding Ricks Dude, are you... wh- you're being a dick, right?"
2463,10,Doofus Rick," Oh gosh, wh- I hope not! I-I-I-I wouldn't want to offend you in any way!"
2464,10,Jerry, You're really a Rick?
2465,10,Doofus Rick, Ohoho! Y-of course I am! Just as much as my Morty's a Morty!
2466,10,Jerry," Hey, he looks a lot like Eric Stoltz from the movie ‘Mask.' You know, the one with Cher in it?"
2467,10,Doofus Rick," That's right, Jerry! He-he's from a reality where everyone is Eric Stoltz mask people! He's Eric Stoltz mask Morty! They assigned him to me because... I never had any kids of my own. But if I did, boy, I'd love ‘em  if they were as smart and as successful as you are, Jerry."
2468,10,Rick 1," Hey, get a load of this! Jerry's hanging out with doofus Rick."
2469,10,Rick 2," Haha, this is perfect."
2470,10,Doofus Rick, I'm not doofus Rick! I'm Rick J-19-Zeta-7!
2471,10,Rick 1," Oh, is that the timeline where everybody eats poop? Jerry, you know this guy eats poop, right?"
2472,10,Doofus Rick, Hey! I don't eat poop! Y-you guys are always so mean to me!
2473,10,Rick 1 and 2,"
laughing
"
2474,10,Doofus Rick," I guess it's only fair to tell you now, Jerry... I'm the worst Rick of them all."
2475,10,Jerry," According to who? Other versions of you? If I've learned one thing, it's that before you get anywhere in life, you gotta stop listening to yourself."
2476,10,Doofus Rick," Wow, you really are wise, Jerry. I-I guess that's why you work in advertising!"
2477,10,Jerry, The fact that you feel that way makes you the best Rick of them all.
2478,10,Morty, You don't care about me at all! I'm no different than that jacket you've got on! Y-y-or-or your stupid portal gun! I'm just a tool! I-I'm just an object!
2479,10,Rick," Hey, it's your choice to take it personally, Morty. Now for the love of god, be quiet! The point of this is to get the drop on the guy!"
2480,10,Morty," You know what Rick, I'll tell you something! I'm more than a human shield!"
2481,10,Rick," Yeah, that's right! You are! You're a perfect impenetrable sheet of human armour, Morty! Because you're as dumb as I am smart! Which is why when I say ‘shut up' it's really good advice."
2482,10,Rick," Great, nice work, Morty."
2483,10,Rick, Urrgh.
2484,10,Evil Rick," Ooh, look at you, C-137! You're- aren't you a tough customer?"
2485,10,Rick," The slow clap? Really? Kinda played out, dude."
2486,10,Evil Rick," Not in this dimension it isn't. In fact, hah, I invented it and nobody else has ever even done it here before."
2487,10,Rick," Well lah-dee-dah. slow claps
"
2488,10,Evil Rick," Hey, that's mine!"
2489,10,Rick," I don't like the look of that Rick, Morty. We gotta escape."
2490,10,Morty," I'm not gonna help you, Rick. Y-you're a monster."
2491,10,Rick," Don't be Rickdiculous, Morty."
2492,10,Morty, W-will you stop saying that? It's stupid.
2493,10,Evil Rick, Take his Morty away.
2494,10,Evil Morty, Come with me.
2495,10,Morty," Yeah, gladly. Geez man, Ricks huh?"
2496,10,Morty," Hey man, you seem to know how this place works. Is there any way we can... shut down that grid and rescue all those Mortys out there?"
2497,10,Evil Morty, It would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of defeating a Rick.
2498,10,Evil Morty, In here.
2499,10,Evil Rick," Ahh, isn't it beautiful?"
2500,10,Rick," Yeah, yeah, looks like payday at Neverland ranch in here. Zing!"
2501,10,Lobster alien, Hehehehehehehehehe.
2502,10,Rick, That guy got it.
2503,10,Evil Rick," Ah-ah Rick, quiet. You're missing my symphony."
2504,10,Rick," Hey, I'll take it over Mumford and Sons. Zip!"
2505,10,Lobster alien, Hehehehehehehehehe.
2506,10,Rick, This guy is on it!
2507,10,Evil Rick," He's not laughing at your dumb jokes, Rick. That's just a random noise it makes every ten seconds."
2508,10,Lobster alien, Hehehehehehehehehe.
2509,10,Rick, Awww.
2510,10,Evil Rick," See, Rick, you're not as clever as you think you are. I wanted you to find me. We're not so belch different, you and I."
2511,10,Rick," Yeah, duh!"
2512,10,Evil Rick," See this right here, Rick? I crunched the numbers, I created a spectrum of all the Ricks. I listed ‘em out from most evil to least evil. Here's where I am. And look at right here's where you are, Rick. This guy right here? Super weird."
2513,10,Rick," I get it. So you want me to team up with you to take down the council of Ricks, right? Is that where you're going with this? ‘Cause that's where I'd be going."
2514,10,Evil Rick," Please. I think I'm doing pretty good on my own. I'm simply going to download the contents of your brain, and then kill you."
2515,10,"Doofus Rick: Okay, if we add a little more titanium nitrate, and just a tad of chlorified tartrate", ovenless brownies!
2516,10,Jerry, It's incredible what a gifted mind can accomplish when priorities are in order!
2517,10,Doofus Rick," Well, come on, I can't take all the credit, Jerry. It was your idea. C'mere Jerry!"
2518,10,Jerry," Hey, uh. C'mere, uh. I-I wanna show you something."
2519,10,Jerry," Okay, look. Everybody makes fun of me for getting these, but... you're a genius scientist, what do you think? There's little R2D2s where the George Washingtons should be!"
2520,10,Doofus Rick," You know Jerry, I'm not gonna tell you that these will increase in value, or even hold their current value. The truth is... you bought ‘em ‘cause you like ‘em. They have value to you. That's what matters."
2521,10,Jerry,"
tearing up How long are you staying?"
2522,10,Doofus Rick, Until we find your Rick.
2523,10,Jerry,"
hugging doofus Rick I found mine. I found mine."
2524,10,Morty (C-137), Help!
2525,10,Religious Morty," There is no escape, my son. We will find our peace in the next world."
2526,10,Morty (C-137), So what? Y-y-y-y-you're just going to give up?
2527,10,Religious Morty, We're giving in to the power of the One True Morty. One day he will return!
2528,10,All religious Mortys, Praise the One True Morty!
2529,10,Morty (C-137)," Alright Mortys, listen up! My name is Morty Smith, from Earth dimension C-137! I know you're scared, because I'm scared, but that's no reason to accept our fate. We're Mortys! We're not defined by our relationships to Rick! Our destiny is our own!"
2530,10,Morty 1, This sounds like something the One True Morty might say. I'm sick of being a human shield! I-I-I-I wanna be a gardener!
2531,10,Morty 2," I wanna write really crazy, intense action novels!"
2532,10,Hammer Morty, I'm more than just a hammer!
2533,10,Religious Morty, He is the one true Morty! The one true Morty!
2534,10,All Mortys, Hooray!
2535,10,Lobster alien," Hey, keep it down!"
2536,10,All Mortys, Raaaaugh!
2537,10,Evil Rick," You've lived quite a life, Rick. It's a real shame you're not gonna be around to see it through."
2538,10,Evil Rick, You're crying? Over a Morty?
2539,10,Rick," No, I'm just allergic to dipshits."
2540,10,Evil Rick," Ugh, pathetic. We both know that if there's any truth in the universe, it's that Ricks don't care about Mortys."
2541,10,Evil Rick," Do your worst, you little bastards! Kill me! Do it! Do it!"
2542,10,Rick, Morty! Get me out of this! Come on!
2543,10,Morty (C-137), You're lucky I'm not a Rick.
2544,10,Rick," Point taken, but this is belches no time for arcs."
2545,10,Rick 1," Yeah, hello?"
2546,10,Rick (C-137)," Hey, what do me and O.J. not have in common?"
2547,10,Rick 1, Huh? Wh-who is this?
2548,10,Rick (C-137)," I found the real killer, biitch! Get over here!"
2549,10,Rick 1, Yo ding-dong! We're done here. Time to go.
2550,10,Doofus Rick," Well Jerry, I belches guess this means goodbye."
2551,10,Jerry," W-w-well, does it have to? Heh, you, you look just like Rick. We could maybe... you know... get rid of him? I'm not saying kill him, necessarily, I-I'm also not saying necessarily not kill him, but-"
2552,10,Doofus Rick," Jerry. W-we both know it wouldn't work. It's time to go back to our lives. I love you, Jerry. I love ya."
2553,10,Morty (C-137), Wh-wh-what's gonna happen to all these Mortys?
2554,10,Council Rick 1," They'll go back to their families, attend school regularly, play video games, date girls... poor little Rickless bastards."
2555,10,Council Rick 1," Earth Rick C-137, the council apologises for its false accusation. And in the way of reparations for our terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement Morty, in the event that belches your current belches Morty should-"
2556,10,Rick," Uh, guys? Not a good time. Come on, Morty, let's hit it."
2557,10,Morty," Is it time for arcs yet, Rick? I did a pretty great job back there for a human cloaking device. Saved your ass."
2558,10,Rick," Alright, Morty, don't break an arm jerking yourself off."
2559,10,Morty," Man, I can't believe you, Rick! That right there! Tha-that was a great opportunity to show a little humanity. You know? To connect with me a little?"
2560,10,Rick," Hey Morty, you want connection? Go be part of some stupid club like all those dumb Ricks. You know, maybe I don't connect because I'm the Rickest Rick there is. And you know, it would belch go without saying that the Rickest Rick... would have the Mortyest Morty."
2561,10,Morty," It would go without saying, huh?"
2562,10,Rick," Yeah, it would. Did you hear me say it?"
2563,10,Morty, Nah... to himself The Mortyest Morty...
2564,10,Rick," Just don't get too big for your loafers, Buster Brown. A cocky Morty could lead to some big problems. Could be a real bad thing for everybody."
2565,10,Morty," Oh yeah, how's that?"
2566,10,Rick, I-I-I'll explain when you're older.
2567,10,Rick 1, What a mess...
2568,10,Rick 2, Pride cometh before the fall. I guess he got what he deserved.
2569,10,Rick 1, What is that?
2570,10,Rick 2, Hand me the laser defibrillator.
2571,10,Doofus Rick," Hey guys! Uh, c-can I help?"
2572,10,Rick 2, No! Go clean the toilets! Maybe you'll make friends with some turds!
2573,10,Rick 1, You make us ashamed to be ourselves!
2574,10,Rick 1," My god! I've seen this technology before! This Rick was being controlled remotely, puppeteered by somebody else. This is the receiver!"
2575,10,Rick 2," Yeah, but where's the transmitter?"
2576,10,Rick," Wubbalubbadubdub! Oh. Hey Jerry. Wh-wh-what are you doing in my room, buddy?"
2577,10,Jerry," Nothing! I was just, um, checking the smoke detectors."
2578,10,Rick," Alright. Okay, get out."
2579,10,Rick," What's that dipshit doing out there? Are you friends with him? You know he eats his own shit, right? Oh my god, this is rich! I've got like belches ten Ricks to call right now!"
2580,11,Summer:," Bye, mom! Bye, dad!
"
2581,11,Morty:," Drive carefully!
"
2582,11,Rick:," Have fun, you two.
"
2583,11,Beth:," Yes, we will have as much fun as possible on our... (Sarcastic and moody) Titanic-themed getaway.
"
2584,11,Jerry:," (Finishes packing the car, and closes the door of the car.) Let's lose the 'tude, please. It's supposed to be romantic. (Opens the passenger seat door.)
"
2585,11,Beth:," Speaking of disasters, dad, we are leaving you in charge, here.
"
2586,11,Rick:," I know, c-can we wrap this up? Morty and I (belching) have some synthetic laser-eels oxidizing in the garage.
"
2587,11,Beth:," (Angry) Hey, don't blow me off. I am drawing a line, okay? Any damage to this house or these children when we get back, and... no more adventures with Morty. (Opens the car door off screen.)
"
2588,11,Morty:," Aw, geez, Rick! If my mom's the one who's saying it, then you know it's pretty serious this time.
"
2589,11,Beth and Jerry in unison:," That's right.
"
2590,11,Jerry:," Wait... What?
"
2591,11,Rick:," Listen, you have my word as a caregiver, everything's gonna be fine. And if not, like you say, no more adventures or whatever. It's like that old song ""blomp blomp-a noop noop a-noop noop noop"". You guys know that song? (Elbows Morty.) From Tiny Roger's? You never heard of it? You know, the black effeminate guy from the '50s?
"
2592,11,Rick:," No-nobody? (Angry) A-all right, whatever. Look, who cares? Just go on your stupid trip.
"
2593,11,Jerry:," (Serious) Not one thing out of place.
"
2594,11,Jerry:," Not a single thing.
"
2595,11,Summer:," (Happy) Well, we're past the point of no return. I'm going to have a party.
"
2596,11,Summer:," (Off screen) I found Jello.
"
2597,11,Summer:," Can you sneak your mom's vodka? Yes, she does. I saw it in your laundry room. (Grabs another box) Listen, you can't both be in denial about it. Okay, bye. (Stops the call)
"
2598,11,Morty,": Summer, you can't throw a party! Remember what mom said?
"
2599,11,Summer:," Yeah, if anything gets messed up, you and grandpa Rick get punished. I'm only a human being, Morty.
"
2600,11,Morty,": Rick, tell Summer she can't have a party!
"
2601,11,Rick:," (Pulls out a tray with canapes on it, and places it on the bench off screen.) Uh, Summer, you can't have a party.
"
2602,11,Summer:," Ugh.
"
2603,11,Rick:," (Back on screen.) Because (burp) I'm having a party, b-I-I-I-itch! (burp)
"
2604,11,Morty:," Oh, what?! Rick, you can't!
"
2605,11,Summer:," What do you mean you're having a party? (Sarcastic) Are some glip glops from the third dimension going to come over and play cards or something?
"
2606,11,Rick:," ""Glip glop?""  You're lucky a Traflorkian doesn't hear you say that.
"
2607,11,Summer:," Is that like their n-word?
"
2608,11,Rick:," It's like the n-word and the c-word had a baby, and it was raised by all the bad words for Jews. (Drinks from a soda can.)
"
2609,11,Morty:," Listen, I think the three of us could just, you know, have a nice time, like just hanging out, and, you know, doing a little bonding and -- 
"
2610,11,Summer:," (Interrupts Morty) screw that. This is my chance to gain some footing with the cool kids.
"
2611,11,Rick:," That's why you party? Boy, you really are 17.
"
2612,11,Summer:," Why do you party?
"
2613,11,Rick:," To get (burp) wr-wriggedy wriggedy wrecked, son!
"
2614,11,Summer:," Just keep your sci-fi friends away from my awesome ones.
"
2615,11,Rick:," Yeah, and you keep your awesome friends away from my canapes. (Places a piece of food into his canapes to finish preparing them.)
"
2616,11,Tour Guide:," After dinner, Titanic 2 will attach to the rail system near our replica iceberg, and the hydraulics encased in these tubes will execute a controlled sink into the icy depths.
"
2617,11,Jerry:," A rail system seems archaic for an attraction this impressive. Are you sure the ship will sink?
"
2618,11,Tour Guide:," I can assure you the ship will sink, as it has a thousand times before. It is un-unsinkable.
"
2619,11,Jerry:," (Notices the front of the Titanic, full of people.) Ooh! Look, it's the line for the bow!
"
2620,11,Beth:," (Bored and unimpressed) Jerry, I'd love to just kick back with a Margarita and read. 
"
2621,11,Beth:," Do you mind if I skip the whole ""king of the world"" bit?
"
2622,11,Jerry:," Well, it's not the ""king of the world"" bit. That's Jack and fabrizio. (Grabs Beth's hat and places it on her head.) This is where rose says, ""I'm flying, Jack!"" But whatever. I can be the only one to do it alone.
"
2623,11,Beth:," (Looks to her right, and smiles.) Well, what about her?
"
2624,11,Beth:," Excuse me, ma'am. Would you like to take my place in line?
"
2625,11,Lucy,": (Shy) I, uh -- I could get into trouble.
"
2626,11,Beth:," (Takes off her hat and places it onto Lucy's.) We won't tell.
"
2627,11,Jerry:," So... You're a Titanic fanatic?
"
2628,11,Lucy,": Oh, yes. I've worked here since it opened, but I've never been able to participate.
"
2629,11,Jerry,": Happy to help... rose.
"
2630,11,Tammy:," (To a girl) I love watching bukkake. I mean, like, I don't know if I personally would ever do it...
"
2631,11,Summer:," Brad! Hey!
"
2632,11,Brad:," Yo.
"
2633,11,Tammy:," (To the girl) Brad is here! Quick, make my hair look drunk.
"
2634,11,Brad:," Check it out. Tammy's already drunk. Cool.
"
2635,11,Birdperson:," The beacon was activated. Who is in danger?
"
2636,11,Summer:," Ugh! Grandpa!
"
2637,11,Rick:," Birdperson!
"
2638,11,Birdperson:," I am pleased there is no emergency.
"
2639,11,Rick:," Oh, there's an emergency, all right. (He puts his arm around Birdperson) A pussy emergency! When's the last time you got laid, 'pers?
"
2640,11,Birdperson:," It has been a... challenging mating season for birdperson.
"
2641,11,Rick,": Then it's time to get your beak wet tonight, playah. (Leads Birdperson into the house) Go have some fun out there birdp-- bird-- birdperson.
"
2642,11,Morty:," Oh, man, how many people did you invite, Rick?
"
2643,11,Rick:," Uh... people? Mm, six.
"
2644,11,Rick:," Yo! What up, my glip glops?!
"
2645,11,Morty:," Oh, man!
"
2646,11,Morty:," (Walking around picking up trash from the ground and putting it in a garbage bag. The house is very crowded) (Huff) (Huff) Oh! Y-y-you know there's a garbage, right?
"
2647,11,Morty,": Hey, uh, what the hell?!
"
2648,11,Jelly-like creature with items stuck inside of it:," Ooh. That's why you never invite a floopy doop and a shmoopy doop to the same party. (Exits the room)
"
2649,11,Morty:," Oh, oh, g-- oh, that's disgusting! You guys are in my parents' bed!
"
2650,11,Blue alien:," Oh. Sorry. I'm not feeling too well. I just needed to lie down for a bit.
"
2651,11,Morty,": Oh. Okay. S-s-sorry. Haha.
"
2652,11,Morty:," Oh, my God! Are you kidding me?!
"
2653,11,Gearhead:," The thing people don't realize about the Gear Wars is that it was never really about the gears at all.
"
2654,11,Rick:," Uh-huh. Yeah. No, no, to-totally.
"
2655,11,Morty:," Rick, you got to stop --
"
2656,11,Rick:," Morty! Have you met Gearhead?
"
2657,11,Morty:," (Waves) Hey, how's it --
"
2658,11,Rick:," (Interrupts Morty) Morty here, he -- he would love to hear all about the Gear Wars. (Rick quickly leaves them)
"
2659,11,Gearhead:," How familiar are you with the Gear Wars, exactly?
"
2660,11,Morty:," Uh... Not at all.
"
2661,11,Gearhead:," Oh, boy. I envy you. Okay, it was about 754 years ago...
"
2662,11,Rick:," Oh, hey, Morty! H-have you -- have you met my buddy scropon?
"
2663,11,Morty:," Not again, Rick. That last guy droned on for 20 minutes, you know? And meanwhile, the whole house is being destroyed!
"
2664,11,Rick:," Whoa, Morty, this guy's entire planet was destroyed.
"
2665,11,Rick:," Have a little perspective.
"
2666,11,Squanchy:," Hey, Rick, squanchy party, bro!
"
2667,11,Rick:," Aw! Squanchy!
"
2668,11,Squanchy:," Is there a good place for me to squanch around here?
"
2669,11,Rick:," Squanchy, you can squanch wherever you want, man. Mi casa es su casa, dawg!
"
2670,11,Squanchy:," All right! I like your squanch! (He runs away, excited)
"
2671,11,Morty:," Uh, Rick, what exactly is ""squanching""?
"
2672,11,Rick:," Morty, listen -- we've had a lot of really cool adventures over the last year, but it's time to relax.
"
2673,11,Morty:," Yeah, if I relax now, there might not even be any more adventures!
"
2674,11,Rick:," Jesus, Morty, you're bumming me out. Can't we just pretend like everything's fine for a few hours, enjoy ourselves, and then worry about all this later?
"
2675,11,Morty:," Yeah, that's easy for you to say, Rick. You know, you like not caring about stuff. You know, wh-wh-what's in this for me?
"
2676,11,Morty:," (In slow motion) Jessica.
"
2677,11,Rick:," Knock it off, Slow Mobius!
"
2678,11,Slow Mobius:," Ha ha! Sorry, dude! I'm just trying to show off my powers, bro!
"
2679,11,Morty:," I can't believe she's here.
"
2680,11,Rick:," Well, what are you doing standing here, Morty? Go. Talk to her. (He shoves Morty away. Morty follows Jessica.)
"
2681,11,Rick:," Tonight, the only adventure you're on is your cusping manhood.
"
2682,11,Jerry:," Oh, Rose.
"
2683,11,Lucy:," Whee!
"
2684,11,Jerry:," Is that what I think it is?
"
2685,11,Lucy:," (Off screen) Yes, every couple gets to re-create Jack's drowning at the end of the movie.
"
2686,11,Lucy:," It's so romantic.
"
2687,11,Jerry:," I can't wait to do that with Beth.
"
2688,11,Lucy:," I don't know, Jerry. With all due respect, it seems like your wife may not be that interested.
"
2689,11,Jerry:," (Gasp!) Look! (Points at the iceberg in front of the boat, as it rises higher out of the water)
"
2690,11,Voice through speaker:," Iceberg, right ahead! The buffet is now closed. 
"
2691,11,Voice through speaker:," Iceberg, right ahead! The buffet is now closed.
"
2692,11,Captain #1:," (Worried) Uh, sir? There's "
2693,11,Captain #2: ,What do you mean there's 
2694,11,Captain #1: ,"The guidance system isn't putting us on a direct collision course. This ship is about to completely miss the giant iceberg!
"
2695,11,Captain #2: ,"Well, do something! Steer into it!
"
2696,11,Captain #1: (,"Frantically trying to steer towards the iceberg) I'm trying!
"
2697,11,Captain #2: ,"It's too late. (Removes his hat, and speaks into a microphone.) Ladies and gentlemen... Don't brace yourselves.
"
2698,11,Jerry:," No! What happened?!
"
2699,11,Lucy:," Their rail system must have failed.
"
2700,11,Passengers:," Oh, my God! We're not gonna sink! What are we gonna do?!
"
2701,11,Guy:," Totally gonna get laid tonight. (Drinks from the cup.)
"
2702,11,Tammy:," (In awe) I like your feathers.
"
2703,11,Birdperson:," They are designed to attract the attention of the female.
"
2704,11,Tammy:," It's working.
"
2705,11,Birdperson:," Tammy, I should let you know I just got out of a highly intense soul bond with my previous spirit mate.
"
2706,11,Tammy:," I'm not looking to get into a soul bond. I'm just looking for... (Whispers into Birdperson's ear.)
"
2707,11,Birdperson:," I believe birdperson can arrange that.
"
2708,11,Nancy:," Hey, Summer, haven't seen you at flute practice in a while.
"
2709,11,Girl:," Summer, don't tell me you're friends with her.
"
2710,11,Summer:," (Lying) Are you kidding me? I don't even know what she's doing here.
"
2711,11,Rick:," Whoa. Not cool, summer. This is a party. (He accidentally splashes some of his drink into Nancy's face.) Everybody should be welcome.
"
2712,11,Rick:," Oh, great. Who invited Abradolph Lincoler? (Tries to hide his face from Abradolph Lincoler.)
"
2713,11,Summer:," I thought everyone was welcome.
"
2714,11,Rick:," It's not the same, Summer. Lincoler is a crazed maniac -- just a misguided effort of mine to create a morally neutral superleader by combining the DNA of Adolf Hitler and Abraham Lincoln. Turns out (burp)  it just adds up to a lame, weird loser.
"
2715,11,Abradolph Lincoler:," Rick, you brought me into this world, a suffering abomination tortured by the duality of its being.
"
2716,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,(Walks closer to Rick)
2717,11,Brad:," Whoa. What's up, man?
"
2718,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"I have no quarrel with you, boy.
"
2719,11,Brad:," ""Boy""? What's that supposed to mean? (Gets up into Abradolph Lincoler's face)
"
2720,11,Abradolph Lincoler: (Threatened) ,"It's just -- l-look, I-I don't know how you thought I meant it, but... (Looks at Rick for help)
"
2721,11,Rick:," Don't look at me, dude.
"
2722,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Look, I'm half-Abraham Lincoln, so --
"
2723,11,Brad:," (Angry) So I should get on my knees and kiss your ass?!
"
2724,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Well, no, but... You know?
"
2725,11,Brad:," What do I know? That the third reich will reign for a thousand years?
"
2726,11,Jessica:," Leave him alone, Brad.
"
2727,11,Brad:," Stay out of this, Jessica!
"
2728,11,Everyone except Morty and Jessica:," (Chanting) Kick his ass! Kick his ass! Kick his ass!
"
2729,11,Jessica:," Brad! 
"
2730,11,Morty:," Rick!
"
2731,11,Rick:," (Shoves Morty towards the door where jessica went) I just did you a favor, Morty.
"
2732,11,Morty:," Sorry about all that. Rick has some really strange friends.
"
2733,11,Jessica:," (Annoyed) Ugh! Brad is such a jerk. He's always trying to prove what a man he is. I just want to find somebody nice and sweet.
"
2734,11,Morty:," Jessica, can I show you something?
"
2735,11,Jessica:," Wow! Look at all this stuff.
"
2736,11,Morty:," (Walks over to the shelves and picks up a circular device.) Yeah. This is me and my grandpa Rick's Sci-Fi workshop. Check this out.
"
2737,11,Jessica:," It's beautiful.
"
2738,11,Morty:," You know, Jessica, there's something I've always wanted to tell you.
"
2739,11,Jesica:," What's that, Morty?
"
2740,11,Morty:," I think that you're the most --
"
2741,11,Jessica: ,"Aah! 
"
2742,11,Morty:," Oh, my God!
"
2743,11,Squanchy:," Hey, I'm squanching in here!
"
2744,11,Morty:," Oh, my God! Oh, that is so disgusting!
"
2745,11,Morty:," Ow! Oh! Oh, crap!
"
2746,11,Stereo:," ♪ Just shake that ass, bitch, and let me see whatcha got ♪
"
2747,11,Summer:," I swear to God, Morty, if it weren't for the fact that everyone's still having a blast in there, I would be so furious with you right now.
"
2748,11,Rick:," Oh, man. Y-you hear that, Morty? You really lucked out with Summer o-on that one. (Sips from his drink)
"
2749,11,Morty:," How are you guys not freaking out right now?! T-the whole house is sitting in another dimension! I-I mean, w-what the hell are we supposed to do?! M-m-mom and dad are gonna kill us! I'm losing it here, Rick!
"
2750,11,Rick:," (Holds Morty to get his attention) Relax, Morty, rela-a-a-ax! (Lets go) It's gonna be fine. All we have to do is go out and find us some kalaxian crystals. (Rick is still scanning with his device. It suddenly starts to beep.) Oh, shit, motherfucker! Kalaxian crystals, Morty, just a few miles South of here.
"
2751,11,Morty:," Okay. Let's go, then.
"
2752,11,Morty:," W-w-we got to go get those crystals right now, Rick.
"
2753,11,Rick:," (Makes Morty let go) Whoa, whoa, whoa. Morty, Morty, I-I can't go with you. I got to hang back and make sure everything stays cool here, you know? I mean, who knows what -- what if somebody breaks something?
"
2754,11,Summer:," Yeah. Me too. I should stay.
"
2755,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"You guys have any aspirin?
"
2756,11,Rick:," Oh, hey, Morty, this is perfect! You can take Lincoler with you.
"
2757,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Hey, man, I'm not going anywhere. I'm injured.
"
2758,11,Rick:," Shut up, Lincoler. (Shoves him away) It's the least you can do for wrecking the living room.
"
2759,11,Summer:," (Grabs Nancy's shoulders) Yeah! And, Nancy, you should go, too.
"
2760,11,Nancy:," What? Why -- why me?
"
2761,11,Summer:," Because, uh, you're -- you're so good at playing the flute. (Shoves Nancy towards Morty and Abradolph Lincoler)
"
2762,11,Captain #2:," Sorry for the inconvenience, folks. We should resume sinking shortly. In the meantime, please, stay on the ship and enjoy a complimentary plate of James Cameronion rings. (He hands Beth a small card.)
"
2763,11,Jerry:," (Annoyed) Great. Not only is the ship not sinking, but now the fourth wall has been broken.
"
2764,11,Beth:," (Sigh) I am gonna go back to the room to finish my book. You should find that Lucy woman. (Walks away from Jerry)
"
2765,11,Jerry:," But -- but --
"
2766,11,Lucy:," You see, Jerry? (She puts her hand on Jerry's shoulder) May I show you something?
"
2767,11,Jerry:," I would have liked to see it. This trip has been a ""Titanic"" failure. (Turns to face Lucy) Get it?
"
2768,11,Jerry:," (Shocked and confused) Ooh!
"
2769,11,Lucy:," Draw me, Jerry.
"
2770,11,Jerry: (Awkwardly glancing at her body)," Oh, boy. Lucy, wow. Uh, this isn't what I had in mind.
"
2771,11,Lucy:," But it's the perfect moment. We've been dreaming about this for 16 years.
"
2772,11,Jerry:," Um, not like this. Not -- not with you. Heh.
"
2773,11,Lucy:," (Lifts up a gun she has in her hand, and aims it at Jerry. She walks towards him) You are gonna draw me.
"
2774,11,Jerry:," Aah! (Backs away)
"
2775,11,Lucy:," Then you're going to fuck me in that car over there. (Points at an old-fashion car with the gun)
"
2776,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,(Thinking)
2777,11,Morty:," (Interupts him to shut him up) Okay! Um, the crystals should be really close.
"
2778,11,Nancy:," (Points at big pink crystals growing out of the ground) There they are!
"
2779,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Wait. Something's not right.
"
2780,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Get the crystals! I'll handle the beast! Prepare to be emancipated from your own inferior genes! (He lunges at the creature, as he tackles it down. Nancy and Morty quickly grab some crystals and put them in a small bag.)
"
2781,11,Nancy:," Summer's gonna like me again. 
"
2782,11,Morty:," Lincoler, come on! Let's get out of here!
"
2783,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Mein journey is over, Morty. (Grunts) I have something important to tell you.
"
2784,11,Morty:," (Huff) Rick, I got them! I got the crystals! (He hands Rick the bag)
"
2785,11,Rick:," All right! You did it, Morty. (Walks away)
"
2786,11,Morty:," Rick, wait! There's something you need to know. I couldn't have done it without Lincoler. He said that he was really sorry and that he loves you like a father.
"
2787,11,Morty:," He only wanted you to accept him, and he hopes that his final act would redeem him in your eyes. (Morty tears up and wipes his eye) He sacrificed himself to save all of us, Rick. He died.
"
2788,11,Rick:," Well, at least he didn't die in vain. He got these crystals. (Rick cuts up the crystals into dust with his credit card, and snorts it up. Ricks eyes turn blue) And these babies just saved this lame-ass party! Wubba, lubba, dub, dub! Play something. Somebody, play something.
"
2789,11,Morty:," Wait a minute. What?
"
2790,11,Rick:," (Dancing)  ♪ Put your right foot forward ♪ ♪ and your left foot back ♪ ♪ then fucking slide around ♪
♪ like on a nordictrack ♪
"
2791,11,Rick:," ♪ move to the left ♪
♪ step to the right ♪
♪ wiggle your elbows, and look ♪
♪ up into the light ♪
"
2792,11,Song:," ♪ it's the, it's the ♪
♪ it's the Rick dance ♪
♪ it's the, it's the ♪
♪ it's the Rick dance ♪
"
2793,11,Rick:," Slow Mobius, hit me with the clock beam!
"
2794,11,Song:," ♪ It's the, it's the ♪ ♪ it's the Rick dance ♪
"
2795,11,Rick:," That's the Rick dance! All right! (burp) Whoa, man!
"
2796,11,Morty:," What the hell was that?! I thought those crystals were supposed to help us get home or something!
"
2797,11,Rick:," What? No, no, no. I can get us home whenever I want to. But, listen, speaking of those crystals, can I get the rest of them? I'm starting to come down, Morty. (His eye color turns back to normal) Crystal kalaxian is a really strong, but fleeting high. (He scratches the side of his face)
"
2798,11,Morty:," That's what I think of your crystals, Rick!
"
2799,11,Rick:," Oh, Morty, you idiot! Does anybody else have any more k-lax? B-birdperson?
"
2800,11,Rick:," Uh, squanchy?
"
2801,11,Squanchy:," Don't squaunch at me.
"
2802,11,Morty:," All right, everybody, party is officially over! Rick, take us home now.
"
2803,11,Rick:," All right, all right, fine, Morty, you party pooper buzzkill! Boo, boo! Morty sucks!
"
2804,11,Tammy:," Boo! You suck, whatever your name is.
"
2805,11,Everyone:," Boo!
"
2806,11,Rick:," Morty, you're the worst, Morty.
"
2807,11,Gearhead:," But these gears just started turnin'.
"
2808,11,Lucy,": Almost finished, Jerry?
"
2809,11,Jerry:," Uh, almost. I haven't quite captured your beautiful eyes.
"
2810,11,Lucy:," (Still holding the gun) I'm sure it's good enough. Move!
"
2811,11,Lucy:," Every weekend, Jacks and Roses have their Titanic experience in this car, and I have to mop it up. The floor drops out to make it easier. (She licks the car, as the floor of the car detatches.) But now it's my turn. We're going to get it nice and steamy in there, and I'm going to slam my hand on the steam and leave a nice handprint, and then you're going to love inside of me.
"
2812,11,Lucy:," No mess. No clean.
"
2813,11,Jerry:," (Reieved) Beth!
"
2814,11,Beth:," Bet you're glad I think kindles are dumb now.
"
2815,11,Beth:," I can't help but feel a little guilty. I didn't peg Lucy for a rapist.
"
2816,11,Jerry:," What does a rapist look like exactly, Beth? Is it a slavic man wearing a denim jacket with a patchy beard and the scent of cheap champagne wafting over his blister-pocked lips? (Feeling scared due to a flashback)
"
2817,11,Beth:," What?
"
2818,11,Beth:," Well, at least you got all this free stuff. (She enters the door into the drivers seat, as Jerry closes the back door, and tries to fit a painting board from the titanic boat.)
"
2819,11,Beth:," Should be enough to satisfy your Titanic Jones for a while.
"
2820,11,Jerry:," (Puts the board into the passenger seat) Ugh! I'm not going to fit. (Hangs onto the board, recreating Jack's death from the Titanic movie. He slowly slips off) Beth, listen to me. You're going to get out of here. You're gonna go on, and --
"
2821,11,Beth:," (Interrupts Jerry) Jerry, just leave the door.
"
2822,11,Jerry:," It's not a door, Beth. It's debris.
"
2823,11,Beth:," I don't care. Just leave it.
"
2824,11,Jerry:," Yeah. Okay. (He takes out the board and leaves it on the ground, as he gets into the car. He has Lucy's necklace. He drops it out of the car window. Lucy is seen hanging onto the underneath of their car. The car starts moving)
"
2825,11,Lucy:," Ahahahah! ""Cape fear""! Hahahaha! ""Cape fear""! I'm -- I'm doing -- I'm -- I'm going to do like from ""cape fear"".
"
2826,11,Squanchy:," Hey, squanchers! The party's squanching on at my place!
"
2827,11,Summer:," Cool. I'm coming, too.
"
2828,11,Squanchy: ,"(Stops Summer) Uh, no. You're not squanchy enough for a squanchy party.
"
2829,11,Summer:," What?
"
2830,11,Squanchy:," Nancy told us what a bitch you are. (Leaves)
"
2831,11,Summer:," Guys, seriously. Nancy?
"
2832,11,Nancy:," Summer, you're a bad person. All you care about is having popular people like you. That's not what Abradolph Lincoler stood for. Well, I-it was hard to pin down what he stood for, but it's certainly not what he died for.
"
2833,11,Summer:," Next time I party, I'm just gonna focus on getting totally wrecked. (To Rick) You're so wise.
"
2834,11,Birdperson:," May I assist you with that?
"
2835,11,Morty:," Uh, sure, yeah. (Takes the trash and puts it in the garbage bag) Thanks. (Continues to pick up trash)
"
2836,11,Birdperson:," Morty, do you know what ""wubba lubba dub dub"" means?
"
2837,11,Morty:," Uh, that's just Rick's stupid nonsense catchphrase.
"
2838,11,Birdperson:," (Walks up to Morty) It's not nonsense at all. In my people's tongue, it means, ""I am in great pain. Please help me.""
"
2839,11,Morty:," Well, I got news for you. He's saying it ironically.
"
2840,11,Birdperson:," No, Morty. Your grandfather is, indeed, in very deep pain. That is why he must numb himself.
"
2841,11,Morty:," Come on, um...
"
2842,11,Birdperson:," Birdperson.
"
2843,11,Morty:," Come on, birdperson. Rick's not that complicated. He's just a huge asshole.
"
2844,11,Birdperson:," Then why do you care so much if you are no longer allowed to continue on your adventures together? It appears fate has presented you with an opportunity to free yourself of Rick forever.
"
2845,11,Morty:," You know what? You're right. I shouldn't even care. This is probably the best thing that could have happened to me.
"
2846,11,Morty:," I'm sick of having adventures with Rick.
"
2847,11,Birdperson:," My people have another saying-- ""gubba nub nub doo rah kah"". It means, ""whatever lets you sleep at night"".
"
2848,11,Summer:," Guys, mom and dad are, like, right around the corner.
"
2849,11,Birdperson:," This is your moment, Morty. Choose wisely. Tammy!
"
2850,11,Birdperson:," Caw!
"
2851,11,Summer:," Wow. We are so screwed.
"
2852,11,Morty:," (Walks over to Rick, and shakes him) Rick, wake up.
"
2853,11,Rick:," Huh? What? Wait? What? What? Stop.
"
2854,11,Morty:," Rick, you got to do something quick. My parents are home.
"
2855,11,Morty:," Oh, my God. They're walking up the driveway.
"
2856,11,Rick:," Bring me the thing.
"
2857,11,Morty:," What -- what thing?
"
2858,11,Rick:," (Rubbing his forehead and focusing) The thing. The thing. The -- the -- it's got, like, buttons on it and lights on it. It -- it -- it beeps.
"
2859,11,Morty:," Rick! That describes everything in your garage!
"
2860,11,Summer:," (Walks up to Rick with a remove device) Do you mean this?
"
2861,11,Rick:," Summer (burp) for for the win.
"
2862,11,Rick:," All right, that should do it.
"
2863,11,Morty:," Whoa! What did you do?
"
2864,11,Rick:," Uh, s-see for yourself.
"
2865,11,Summer:," Whoa!
"
2866,11,Rick:," Yeah, e-everything's frozen in time. Yeah, and slow mobius thinks he's all that.
"
2867,11,Morty:," For how long?
"
2868,11,Rick:," I don't know. How long do you guys want? A week? A month? 
"
2869,11,Summer:," Can we start cleaning the house and see how we feel?
"
2870,11,Rick:," Worst movie ever.
"
2871,11,Summer:," Dumb.
"
2872,11,Morty:," Ooh, boy, what a waste of time. 
"
2873,11,Morty:," Get it? You know, 'cause it's frozen.
"
2874,11,Summer:," This has been so much fun.
"
2875,11,Rick:," Don't need to. I have a (burp) new catchphrase.
"
2876,11,Morty:," Oh, yeah? What -- what's that, Rick?
"
2877,11,Rick:," love my grandkids.
"
2878,11,Rick:," Psych! Just kidding -- my new catchphrase is, ""I don't give a fuck"". 
"
2879,11,Rick and the song:," ♪ Just shake that ass, bitch, and let me see whatcha got ♪ ♪ just shake that ass, bitch, and let me see whatcha got ♪ Roll credits! ♪ Just shake that a-- Roll the credits! Go! ♪ Just shake that ass That's the end of season one! 
"
2880,11,Rick:," That's the end, motherfucker! ""I don't give a fuck"" is my new catchphrase! Fuck you! That's season one! Boom! Season one up in your face, motherfucker! Yeah!
"
2881,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Revenge. 
"
2882,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"What?!
"
2883,11,Shirtless guy:," Party!
"
2884,11,Shirtless guy:," Whoo, baby!
"
2885,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"Please, stop!
"
2886,11,Shirtless Guy:," Hey, brah!
"
2887,11,Abradolph Lincoler: ,"I don't understand. Are you enjoying this? Do you like this?
"
2888,11,Shirtless Guy:," Yeah, you know it, dawg! Whoo, baby!
"
2889,12,Summer:," Hurry up Morty, Grampa's about to unfreeze time. You know you really should be cleaning from top to bottom.
"
2890,12,Morty:," I know how to vacuum Mom and Dad, Summer, I've been doing it for six months!
"
2891,12,Summer:, Then you've been doing it 
2892,12,Morty:," It's not my fault we froze time on a humid day!
"
2893,12,Summer:," You have dropped so many balls, man. Do you ever get scared Grampa Rick might make me his new sidekick?
"
2894,12,Morty:," What? What kind of monster are you?
"
2895,12,Summer:," A competent one.
"
2896,12,Rick:," Who cares about the *belch* thing you guys are talking about? The whole point of freezing time is to stop giving a fuck. Put a shirt on your dumb dad and let's get this dumb universe rolling. Let's do this thing.
"
2897,12,Rick:," Alright, listen, you two, we froze time for a pretty long time, so when I unfreeze it, the world's time is gonna be fine, but our time's gonna need a little time to, you know, stabilize.
"
2898,12,Morty:," Our time is gonna be unstable? What does that even mean?
"
2899,12,Rick:," It means relax and stop being a pussy, Morty. I thought you learned that by now. It also means don't touch your parents or we could shatter into countless theoretical shards.
"
2900,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Wait a minute, what?</span>"
2901,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> And away we go!</span>"
2902,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Uh, did we ever put that mattress under Mr. Benson?</span>"
2903,12,Rick:," Shhh, Morty!
"
2904,12,Jerry:," ...A THING OR TWO ABOUT... wait, what? Was the house...? When we pulled up I could have sworn the house was completely trashed.
"
2905,12,Rick:," Negative visualization, Jerry. It explains a lot about where you're at. Hi, sweety.
"
2906,12,Beth:," Hi, dad.
"
2907,12,Beth:," Summer, Morty, are you okay?
"
2908,12,Morty:," W-We just missed you a lot.
"
2909,12,Summer:," Yeah, we missed you so much. Too much to hug you though.
"
2910,12,Rick:," Yeah it would literally destroy them. Now listen, why do—why do—why—why don't you guys go get a free Sundae ice cream, (Rick puts a rubber band around a rolled up wad of cash) go out there and get some ice creams. Here's five hundred dollars cash in unmarked moneys. I'm just gonna put it on the floor and uh, kick it on over to ya. You guys go nuts.
"
2911,12,Jerry:," This better not be a bribe. If I find a single thing out of place in this house, my love of ice cream won't save you. I'll get my jacket.
"
2912,12,Beth:," Sweety, is your shirt on backwards?
"
2913,12,Summer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> *Gasp* </span>"
2914,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh!</span>"
2915,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Uh oh.</span>"
2916,12,-------------->,"
"
2917,12,Jerry:," Yeah, I like it this way. I'm not stupid.
"
2918,12,<Simultaneously---,"
"
2919,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Phew...</span>"
2920,12,Summer: *,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Exhales*</span>"
2921,12,-------------->,"
"
2922,12,Rick: , Man that guy is the Red Grin Grumble to pretending he knows what's going on. (Morty and Summer laugh) 
2923,12,Summer:," God, I feel terrible.
"
2924,12,Rick:," Yup, it really makes you appreciate how fickle the universe can be. (Rick opens refrigerator) "
2925,12,Morty:," Uh, just to be clear, it was Summer's job to put the mattress under-
"
2926,12,Summer:," (interrupting) Uh, what? It was your job, Morty. (Summer pokes Morty.)
"
2927,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Nuh uh!</span>"
2928,12,Summer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yeah huh!</span>"
2929,12,Rick: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Actually, sorry Summer, I gotta back the M bomb on this one. I remember the conversation. We told Morty to replace all the bank's money with cookies, your job was to put the mattress under Mr. Benson.</span>"
2930,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Boom! In your face Summer! You really dropped the ball, man.</span>"
2931,12,Summer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Shut up Morty, you vindictive little turd!</span>"
2932,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> You shut up you big... female asshole!</span>"
2933,12,Alternate Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Hey, don't shove me!</span>"
2934,12,Summer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I didn't!</span>"
2935,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> You didn't what?</span>"
2936,12,Alternate Summer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What's your problem?</span>"
2937,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What's yours?</span>"
2938,12,Alternate Summer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Shut up!</span>"
2939,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> You shut up!</span>"
2940,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Whoa whoa wh-what the hell hell hell hell hell?</span>"
2941,12,Both Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh God, oh no, what did you guys just do?</span>"
2942,12,Summer 1:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What do you mean?</span>"
2943,12,Summer 2:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What could </span>"
2944,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Wait, what am I saying?</span></span>"
2945,12,Both ,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> *belch* Were either of you guys uncertain about anything just now?</span></span>"
2946,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh man... I don't feel good.</span></span>"
2947,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Morty 1:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Am I me? I think so.</span></span>"
2948,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Morty 2:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> A-am I talking right now?</span></span>"
2949,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Wait, who said that?</span></span>"
2950,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Alright both of you, just don't move, don't speak, don't think. I have to check something. </span></span>"
2951,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Summer 1:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> What should we do Morty?</span></span>"
2952,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Summer 2:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> I'm gonna help Grampa.</span></span>"
2953,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Morty 1: </span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">Let's see if he needs help.</span></span>"
2954,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Morty 2: </span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">What do you mean </span></span>"
2955,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none"">Summer 1: </span></span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">Ugh, I can help too.</span></span></span>"
2956,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> What's going on Rick?</span></span></span>"
2957,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">What's happening Grampa?</span></span></span>"
2958,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">Shut up! (Rick turns on a monitor) Oh crap are you kidding me? Two dots? This never needs to be more than one dot. The two of you made us uncertain!</span></span></span>"
2959,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none"">Morty 1: </span></span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">What do you mean?</span></span></span>"
2960,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none"">Morty 2: </span></span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">What? In English?</span></span></span>"
2961,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none"">Summer 1: </span></span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">What? English please?</span></span></span>"
2962,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none"">Summer 2: </span></span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">What are you talking about?</span></span></span>"
2963,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">Our time is fractured. You two somehow created a feedback loop of uncertainty that's split our reality into two equally possible impossibilities. W-we're exactly like a man capable of sustaining a platonic friendship with an attractive female co-worker. We're entirely hypothetical.</span></span></span>"
2964,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> But I thought there were infinite timelines.</span></span></span>"
2965,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> We're not on any timeline, dummy. Look.</span></span></span>"
2966,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh, my God!</span></span></span>"
2967,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Are those cats?</span></span></span>"
2968,12,Both,"<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""text-decoration: none""><b> Ricks:</b></span></span>"
2969,12,Summer 1 & Morty 2:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Is the world gone? Where are Mom and Dad?</span>"
2970,12,Both Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> “Mom and Dad?” Get your head out of your family's ass. The three of us are lost in a timeless oblivion. Your parents get to exist. They're probably living it up in some pointless grounded story about their shitty marriage.</span>"
2971,12,Jerry:, Cold Stone Creamery is the best. What should we do with our 
2972,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> You realize they sing no matter how much you tip.</span>"
2973,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Holy shit! What happened? </span>"
2974,12,Jerry: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I hit a deer! W-we have to tell the cops you were driving.</span>"
2975,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> W-what?</span>"
2976,12,Jerry: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">This is Rum Raisin!</span>"
2977,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> It's still alive.</span>"
2978,12,Jerry: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Well, do we- do </span>"
2979,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Beth:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> It's not an armadillo, asshole!</span></span>"
2980,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Jerry:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> I thought that's what a man's supposed to say, it's not like I could have actually done it.</span></span>"
2981,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Beth:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> If we were near a hospital, I could treat it, but I-I think we have to just-</span></span>"
2982,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Jerry:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> It's okay, this is just something that happens. And even if we were in a hospital, what could we do, you're a horse surgeon, not a deer surgeon.</span></span>"
2983,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Beth:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> So...</span></span>"
2984,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Jerry:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Well don't different animals-</span></span>"
2985,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Beth:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Require different levels of skill to keep alive?</span></span>"
2986,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Jerry:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh God...</span></span>"
2987,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Beth:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Get the deer in the car, Jerry.</span></span>"
2988,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Jerry:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yes Beth.</span></span>"
2989,12,Both Ricks:," This is why you don't freeze time, you guys. It's incredibly irresponsible."
2990,12,Morty 1:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> And you did it so you could clean the house after a party.</span>"
2991,12,Morty 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">And you did it so you could clean the house after a party?</span>"
2992,12,Both Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Look, there's no time to hold me accountable, Morty. Like literally no time. Look around. Uncertainty is inherently unsustainable. Eventually everything either is or isn't. And we've got about four hours to be “is”.</span>"
2993,12,Morty 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Or...</span>"
2994,12,Morty 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Or?</span>"
2995,12,Both Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> We “isn't”.</span>"
2996,12,Both Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Alright, since this time crystal exists in both possibilities, and since it's impossible that I didn't nail this, I'm probably about to press this button in both possibilities at exactly the same time.</span>"
2997,12,Morty 1 & Summer 2:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> How do you know you're gonna-</span>"
2998,12,Both Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing. And away we go!</span>"
2999,12,Both Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Huh, what do you know, it's working.</span>"
3000,12,Summer 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Ow, ow ouch!</span>"
3001,12,Morty 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Whoa, ow, ow.</span>"
3002,12,Both Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh shit.</span>"
3003,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What the hell is wrong with you two!? I—I m—I m—I mean you four!?</span>"
3004,12,All Mortys and Summer 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">That hurt! That was painful...</span>"
3005,12,All Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Good I'm glad it was painful. You do deserve it! I saw you, you're both *belch* all over the damn place. We've been split for twenty minutes and your lives are already scattered to the quantum fucking wind? What the hell do either of you have to be so uncertain about? Your brand of zit cream? Which chair to sit in while I do everything? Come on, spit it out!</span>"
3006,12,All Mortys:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Well you don't exactly make it easy, Rick!</span>"
3007,12,Morty 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You make fun of me all the time and now Summer's doing it too!</span>"
3008,12,Morty 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You're always picking on me and now you got someone to kiss your ass!</span>"
3009,12,Summer 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Me? What about you? Would you get more excited to see me fail? You want Grampa all to yourself!</span>"
3010,12,Summer 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Me? You're just as mean to me because you're jealous, because you want Grampa all to yourself!</span>"
3011,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Alright, cool it, I see what's happening here. You're both young, you're both unsure about your place in the universe, you both wanna be “Grampa's favorite.” I can fix this. Morty sit here, Summer, you sit here. Now listen, I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grampa's concerned, you're both pieces of shit. Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming anyway.</span>"
3012,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Emergency, wounded deer coming in.</span>"
3013,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Three. Excuse me, you can't be back here.</span>"
3014,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I'm a certified horse surgeon, and this deer needs medical attention. Nurse, please move that snake.</span>"
3015,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> That's my nurse, and as a horse surgeon, I'm sure that you know that deer have much smaller, much more intricate organs-</span>"
3016,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> As a vet, I'm sure you know a deer is closer to a horse than you are to a doctor, so let's save the measuring for when our dicks are out, it's time to save a life!</span>"
3017,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Geez...</span>"
3018,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> That's odd, this deer's wounded. </span>"
3019,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Uh, yeah, I was there, you don't have to rub it in.</span>"
3020,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I mean it's been shot. With a gun.</span>"
3021,12,Hunter:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> My gun.</span>"
3022,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> May I help you, sir?</span>"
3023,12,Hunter:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> No, but you can stop helping this deer. I shot it before these two hit it with their car and I followed them when they hauled it off. This deer belongs to me.</span>"
3024,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> </span>"
3025,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Look, I don't know what the law says about this, but I took an oath that I would let no animal come to harm. Except when sterilizing, aborting or euthenizing them and also when eating them at almost any meal.</span>"
3026,12,Hunter:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I'm calling my lawyer. I hope for all our sakes you're as bad a surgeon as I am a hunter.</span>"
3027,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> In your dreams, bitch! Scalpel!</span>"
3028,12,All Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">So in conclusion, you're both equally mercurial, overly sensitive, clingy hysterical bird brained homunculi. And I honestly can't tell the two of you half the time because I don't go by height or age, I go by amount of pain in my ass, which makes you both identical. Alright, everything resolved? Everybody nice and certain about their position in </span>"
3029,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">All Mortys and All Summers:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yes.</span></span>"
3030,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">All Ricks: </span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">Alright, perfect. Sit still, *belch* arms down, I'm gonna do this again, this time, be like Grampa.</span></span>"
3031,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Morty 2:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> You mean drunk?</span></span>"
3032,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Rick 2:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> What's that? You got something to say?</span></span>"
3033,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Rick 1:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> And away we go!</span></span>"
3034,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Morty 2:</span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal""> No.</span></span>"
3035,12,"<span style=""font-style: normal"">Rick 2: </span>","<span style=""font-style: normal""><span style=""font-weight: normal"">And away we go!</span></span>"
3036,12,All Ricks: ,"Huh, that's weird. Oh, my God.
"
3037,12,All Summers: ,"What?
"
3038,12,All Ricks: ,"That son of a bitch is gonna kill me!
"
3039,12,Rick 2: ,"Follicle unfeeling sociopath. Don't you get it? He thinks he can save his own skin by using the crystal to kill me. He probably figures it's easier to eliminate one of the possibilities rather than merge them. I have to admit, it's always in the back of my mind too. The difference is I would never do it! Until now...
"
3040,12,Rick 1: ,"Don't you get it? don't you get it? The other Rick isn't trying to merge us anymore. He thinks he can save his own skin by using the crystal to kill me. He probably figures it's easier to eliminate one of the possibilities rather than merge them. I have to admit, it's always in the back of my mind too. The difference is I would never do it! Until now...
"
3041,12,All Mortys: ,"Rick what the hell are you doing?
"
3042,12,All Ricks:," Saving our lives. After he takes me out he's gonna be coming for you!
"
3043,12,All Summers:," Who?
"
3044,12,All Ricks:," Me!
"
3045,12,Rick 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You see that? Get down.</span>"
3046,12,All Summers: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Ahh!</span>"
3047,12,All Mortys: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Whoa whoa!</span>"
3048,12,Rick 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I told you he's a psycho!</span>"
3049,12,Rick 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">He's lost it. The time fracture must have made him crazy!</span>"
3050,12,Rick 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I don't know what to do! I don't know what to do!</span>"
3051,12,Summer 2 or 4 after splitting into 4 (not shown):,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh crap!</span>"
3052,12,All Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh God, now there's three of them, we're outnumbered! Get in the cupboards! Wait, don't don't do that, they'll know... wait wait, think about getting in the cupboards but don't really. AAAAH! IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT YOU SICK FUCKS? YOU WANNA SEE CHILDREN DIE?</span>"
3053,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You son of a bitch, you don't stop living until I SAY SO!</span>"
3054,12,Lawyer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Michael.</span>"
3055,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Who's this now?</span>"
3056,12,Hunter:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> My lawyer.</span>"
3057,12,Lawyer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I'm here to notify you ma'am, that in this county, any deer shot by a hunter is that hunter's property, regardless of how far it runs, or who intercepts it before it dies. It's called Brad's law. We can't make you stop the surgery, but at this point you're performing it on venison. </span>"
3058,12,Hunter: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Actually, I've decided not to eat it. All this fear and conflict. I'm sure it's ruined the meat. I'm just gonna use the head for my rec room wall.</span>"
3059,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> She normally works on horses.</span>"
3060,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Jerry, if you're not gonna help, get the fuck out of here! I will reach into heaven and yank your screaming deer soul back!</span>"
3061,12,Vet: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Jesus...</span>"
3062,12,All Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Shh shh... I know where you are, you creepy old monster... I know how you think! Oh, is this where you think I'm going? You think I'm standing here? Well maybe you're right!</span>"
3063,12,All Summers:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Holy shit, now what?</span>"
3064,12,All Mortys:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Well if all of me knocked out all the Ricks, and you peed in all of your pants, doesn't that mean that we're all synchronized?</span>"
3065,12,All Summers:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Right.</span>"
3066,12,All Mortys:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Okay... so from now on, whatever we do we have to be certain.</span>"
3067,12,All Summers:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Right...</span>"
3068,12,All Mortys: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I think I'm certain we're F'd in the A.</span>"
3069,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh God, my head. What did you guys do?</span>"
3070,12,All Mortys: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">We put you in a dog crate because you were acting crazy, and you caused another time fracture. </span>"
3071,12,All Summers: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You tried to kill yourself!</span>"
3072,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Only in self defense, myself tried to kill me first! Guys, I don't expect you to understand this, but time breaking twice means our problem is two times bigger and we've got half as much time to solve it. Well actually, I do expect you to understand that, it's basic math. C-could someone just let me out of here? If I die in a cage I lose a bet. </span>"
3073,12,All Summers: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Well is there some way you can prove you're not a threat to yourself and others anymore?</span>"
3074,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Ah, for God's sake, alright here, give me the time crystal.</span>"
3075,12,All Mortys:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> W-what're you doing?</span>"
3076,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Calling myself. Here, listen, *belch* it'll probably go to voice mail since, you know, I'm calling myself.</span>"
3077,12,All Rick phones:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Hello, Rick here.</span>"
3078,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Don't fall for it, it's a bit.</span>"
3079,12,All Rick phones:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Just kidding, haha! You just got Ricked. You've reached Rick's voicemail, you know what to do *beep*.</span>"
3080,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Hey Rick, it's Rick. Listen, I'm sorry about earlier. No hard feelings. I know you know I mean it too. Take it easy. Whoa. Damn, look at this, I'm blown up. Three new voicemails. *voicemail repeats* Yeah yeah, I heard this one. *voicemail repeats two more times* You get the idea *belch* we're cool now.</span>"
3081,12,All Summers:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Okay, well we're still not gonna let you out of this crate.</span>"
3082,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Fine I'll just do it myself.</span>"
3083,12,All Mortys: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">If you could get out that whole time why didn't you?</span>"
3084,12,All Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Because I waited until I was certain it was what I wanted to do, Morty. That's the difference between you and me. I'm certain, and you're a walking burlap sack filled with turds.</span>"
3085,12,All Mortys: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You know, geez Rick, y—y—you're really tearing into me right now. You know, words hurt.</span>"
3086,12,Morty 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh, my God!</span>"
3087,12,Morty 2: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">It's a monster!</span>"
3088,12,Morty 3: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh, my God! It's a monster!</span>"
3089,12,Summer 1: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">It's a monster!</span>"
3090,12,Summer 4: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">It's a monster!</span>"
3091,12,Testicle Monster A:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Ey, ye ey, quit yellin' quit yellin'.</span>"
3092,12,Summer 1: *,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Screams</span>"
3093,12,Summer 4:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh, my God...</span>"
3094,12,"Morty 2, 3 and 4: *","<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Screams</span>"
3095,12,Testicle Monster A:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What the fuck?! Your time is all ripped up to hell! You broke your time, twice!</span>"
3096,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> *sigh*</span>"
3097,12,Testicle Monster A:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> How did this happen?</span>"
3098,12,Summers 2 & 3:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yeah, but we don't even know, the first time...</span>"
3099,12,Morty 1 & 4: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Who's that Brother Newman time elf?</span>"
3100,12,Testicle Monster A:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Shut the fuck up! Oh, damn, I'm from the 4</span>"
3101,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> </span>"
3102,12,Testicle Monster A:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Ay, damn it, were you tryin' to use this to- oh, see, you broke time, and you thought you could just stick it back together with this? How you think you gonna move time while you're standin in it you dumn ass three-dimensional monkey ass dummies?</span>"
3103,12,All Mortys: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh way to go, Rick.</span>"
3104,12,All Summers:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yeah Grampa, way to go.</span>"
3105,12,All Ricks:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh, what you're just gonna listen to this guy now? He's got a giant testicle for a head! He came here in a bubble. For all we know he could be the David Berkowitz of Nutsack Land.</span>"
3106,12,Testicle Monster A:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Shut up. Here, put these on. They'll sync your possibilities up so I can bring you back to certain time. Y'all just-just negligent, now ay, ay, ay, the three of you, put your collars on!</span>"
3107,12,"Summer 1, 2 and 3:","<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What are you talking about?</span>"
3108,12,"Morty 1, 2 and 3:","<span style=""font-weight: normal""> We have them on.</span>"
3109,12,"Rick 1, 2 and 3:","<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Uh, we did...</span>"
3110,12,Rick 4:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> We're not wearing collars.</span>"
3111,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Exactly, because you're being obstinate.</span>"
3112,12,"Rick 1, 2 and 3:","<span style=""font-weight: normal""> *belch* What?</span>"
3113,12,"Morty 1, 2 and 3:","<span style=""font-weight: normal""> We did!</span>"
3114,12,"Summer 1, 2 and 3:","<span style=""font-weight: normal""> They're on right now.</span>"
3115,12,Rick 4:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Alright, fine. Summer, Morty, put 'em on.</span>"
3116,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yes, we're back, problem solved.</span>"
3117,12,Summer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yes, we're back to our own time.</span>"
3118,12,Morty: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Yes no more cats, no more cats, oh you did it, you fixed it.</span>"
3119,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Yeah, now keep those collars on so you don't break your weak ass time again.</span>"
3120,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> How long exactly do we have to wear these things? They're really embarrassing.</span>"
3121,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Well since you're goin' to time prison, I'd say you can keep em on forever.</span>"
3122,12,Summer: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Time prison?</span>"
3123,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Yeah, well I don't know where you expect me to think you got that crystal over there, but the only way you dumb ass, assin' ass asses could ever have one, is if it was stolen.</span>"
3124,12,Summer: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You stole a time freezing crystal from testical monsters?</span>"
3125,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I would have been happy to pay for it, Summer, but they don't exactly sell them at Costco.</span>"
3126,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Ututututut! You'd better keep back! Man this will turn your ass into a third trimester fetus from 30 yards.</span>"
3127,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Hmm...</span>"
3128,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Isn't there a kitten somewhere that needs a manicure?</span>"
3129,12,Lawyer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> That's right Mrs. Smith, *whispers* give in to your anger. Neglect that deer.</span>"
3130,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Honey, it's gonna be okay. These men are from the Cervine Institute of Elk, Moose Deer and Stag. They can take this deer to a helicopter and fly it to the country's top deer surgeon on a wildlife reserve across the state border, where your jurisdiction ends.</span>"
3131,12,Vet:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I guess that's the end of that.</span>"
3132,12,Lawyer:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> There is just one more thing. According to this state's veterinarian statute, this animal can't be transferred until the current attending physician verbally confirms their inability to provide adequate care. You heard the man horse doctor, you have to say you couldn't hack it.</span>"
3133,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> We did it...</span>"
3134,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">(On phone) Uh-huh, no motha- no, Earth, dude, I'm talking 'bout, yeah, with the dinosaurs. No, if you've get to the dolphin people, you've gone too far. Alright man, I'll talk to you later, okay. (hangs up) You know what they do with 3</span>"
3135,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Why are you doing this?</span>"
3136,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You think I wanna be an omniscient immortal being transcending time and space my whole life? I got ambitions man, bringin' you guys in is my ticket up.</span>"
3137,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What if I told you there's a huge ticket up right behind you?</span>"
3138,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You really think I'm that stupid?</span>"
3139,12,Rick: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Alright, hear me out on this. You're immortal, right, which means your life is infinite. Well in that case there's 100% chance that you'll eventually do everything, </span>"
3140,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I cannot argue that.</span>"
3141,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Ah, God, gross and weird!</span>"
3142,12,(,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Rick drops the gun and it crawls toward the street)</span>"
3143,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Chris!</span>"
3144,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You killed my gun!</span>"
3145,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Summer, Morty, take off your collars!</span>"
3146,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">What? What the hell are you doing?</span>"
3147,12,Rick:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Good question. I suppose the answer is: I'm not certain!</span>"
3148,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh, no, what are you doin'?</span>"
3149,12,Rick 1:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I have no idea!</span>"
3150,12,Rick 2:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I'm not sure.</span>"
3151,12,All Ricks (off sync): ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Maybe I will, maybe I won't.</span>"
3152,12,All Ricks (off sync):,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I'm really uncertain about everything, even kicking your ass!</span>"
3153,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Lis- ay, to, AH. But these arms are vestigial. Now you poked me where an eye would have been about six million years ago. </span>"
3154,12,All Summers (off sync): ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Come on, let's help Grampa.</span>"
3155,12,All Mortys (off sync):,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yeah. I'm like a hundred percent not sure about anything.</span>"
3156,12,"Summers 1, 2, 3, 8, 9, 10, 12, 17, 18, 20, 25, 28, 29, 31: Beat his ass!","
"
3157,12,"Summers 1, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8, 10, 11, 14, 16, 18, 19, 23, 25, 27, 28: Get him!","
"
3158,12,"Summers 2, 6, 9, 12, 13, 15, 17, 20, 21, 22, 24, 26, 29, 30, 31, 32: Beat him up!","
"
3159,12,Morty 23:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Kick his ass, Rick!</span>"
3160,12,Rick 23:," Die, motherfucker!
"
3161,12,Testicle Monster A:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Ow, I'm defeated...</span>"
3162,12,Summer 23:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What's happening? </span>"
3163,12,Rick 23:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Time is falling apart, we've got to get back to certainty, quick! Give me your collars!</span>"
3164,12,Morty 23:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh man, don't you have to fix, like, thirty of them? </span>"
3165,12,Rick 23: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Morty, I have to fix three of them, and then there's thirty-one other versions of me that have to also fix three for a total of 96. I'm not an idiot. I know how to be decisive, now hand me that (Phillips/Flathead) screwdriver. Actually, make it a (Phillips/Flathead).</span>"
3166,12,All Ricks (off sync): ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh, shit.</span>"
3167,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Look, I know I was kind of a nuisance today. I know it's my fault we hit the deer, and I know you wanted to be the one to save it. </span>"
3168,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Whatever. How petty would I have to be to care less about an animal's life than my own ego?</span>"
3169,12,Jerry: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Hmm... you'd have to be pretty petty. But you'd still be the woman I married.</span>"
3170,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Where are we going?</span>"
3171,12,Jerry: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">One last stop.</span>"
3172,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Where's the helicopter?</span>"
3173,12,Jerry: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">There is no helicopter and there is no Cervine Institute.</span>"
3174,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> But the top deer surgeon...</span>"
3175,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I'm looking at her.</span>"
3176,12,Cold Stone Employee:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> You'd better get moving, these lights are designed for basic ice cream work, they're not gonna last all night.</span>"
3177,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I need five minutes.</span>"
3178,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Jerry, this was the most romantic weekend I've ever had.</span>"
3179,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Thanks to Cold Stone Creamery.</span>"
3180,12,Cold Stone Employee:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> You're welcome.</span>"
3181,12,(Presumably) All Ricks: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Okay, we're out of time. It's ironic, huh?</span>"
3182,12,Morty 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Rick!</span>"
3183,12,Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What's goin' on?</span>"
3184,12,Morty 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">The collar, oh, the latch is broken! It won't latch closed around my neck!</span>"
3185,12,(Presumably) All Mortys Except Morty 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What's wrong, how come our collars aren't green?</span>"
3186,12,(Presumably) All Ricks Except Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Obviously because someone doesn't know how to put his collar on and one of me is stuck trying to help him.</span>"
3187,12,(Presumably) All Mortys Except Morty 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Don't blame this on me, you're the one that couldn't fix a latch!</span>"
3188,12,Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What are you talking about, it's not broken, Morty, I fixed it, just put it on!</span>"
3189,12,Morty 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">It won't close, it's broken!</span>"
3190,12,Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Fine, bring it here.</span>"
3191,12,Morty 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Ooh, ooh, Rick!</span>"
3192,12,(Presumably) All Ricks Except Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Oh, really, Morty? Well I'm sorry, I'm not the one that's so fucking uncertain about everything!</span>"
3193,12,(Presumably) All Mortys Except Morty 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You know what I'm certain of, Rick? I've really made up my mind about this, I never wanna see you again!</span>"
3194,12,(Presumably) All Ricks Except Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> You're never gonna see anything again you little dummy! You killed us!</span>"
3195,12,Rick 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Goddammit!</span>"
3196,12,Morty 30: ,O
3197,12,Rick 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Morty where's your collar I'll fix it</span>"
3198,12,(Presumably) All Ricks Except Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> What the hell? What have you done to me, Morty?</span>"
3199,12,Rick 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">I'm okay with this. Be good Morty. Be better than me. Holy shit, the other collar! I'm not okay with this! I am not okay with this! Oh, sweet Jesus please let me live. Oh, my God I—I've gotta fix this thing, please God in Heaven, please, God, oh Lord, hear my prayers. Yes! Fuck you God! Not today, bitch.</span>"
3200,12,(Presumably) All Ricks Except Rick 30:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Please, God, if there's a Hell, please be merciful to me.</span>"
3201,12,Rick 30: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Yes I did it! There is no God! In your face. One dot, motherfuckers!</span>"
3202,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Yes, oh, yes, yes!</span>"
3203,12,Summer: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Woohoo! Whoo! Whoo!</span>"
3204,12,Morty: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Oh, that was a close call. Oh yeah, do it Rick, do it right.</span>"
3205,12,Rick: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">You know what I'm talking about, oh yeah. I'm gonna do the cabbage patch, Morty. Check me out I'm doing the cabbage patch dance. It's a classic dance, remember, like this. Oh shit look at that.</span>"
3206,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Do the cabbage patch. Do—do—do the dance.</span>"
3207,12,Summer: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Hey wait a second, how come you guys took longer to get here?</span>"
3208,12,Morty:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I don't know. I think like one sixty-fourth of my collars didn't work. It's hard to keep straight now that I have sixty-three other memories of everything.</span>"
3209,12,Rick: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Yeah.</span>"
3210,12,Morty: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">But I feel like one of the sixty-four Ricks like, sacrificed himself for me, maybe, I think.</span>"
3211,12,Rick: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Shut up, Morty. The last time you felt something, we all almost died. You little s—piece of shit.</span>"
3212,12,Beth: ,"Hey guys, we're home."
3213,12,Morty & Summer: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Mom, Dad!</span>"
3214,12,Jerry: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Um, hold the phone, where did you guys get those necklaces from? Uh, Lady Gaga, table for three, am I right?</span>"
3215,12,Beth,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">: *laughs*</span>"
3216,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Are you guys Power Rangers? But only on one small part of your necks? Hey, do those things need batteries? Were they included? Clean up in the fruit isle! Not in a homophobic way though, they're just fruity necklaces is all I was saying.</span>"
3217,12,Beth: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> *l</span>"
3218,12,Morty: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">Doesn't feel so good, does it?</span>"
3219,12,Rick: ,"<span style=""font-weight: normal"">No it doesn't. It hurts.</span>"
3220,12,Beth:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> I'm gonna pee-hee-hee.</span>"
3221,12,Jerry:,"<span style=""font-weight: normal""> Somebody call the planet of Tron, we have three Tron people over here. But seriously, are these Halloween costumes? Are you going as motorcycles? With green headlights instead of normal ones? Are you dogs? Robot dogs? Gosh, you guys are </span>"
3222,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"Hey man, when the hell were you?
"
3223,12,Testicle Monster B: ,"Looking for you, asshole.
"
3224,12,Testicle Monster A: ,I told you 
3225,12,Testicle Monster B: ,"You know how much time is past the dinosaurs? Half of all time!
"
3226,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"Come on, man, it's this way...
"
3227,12,Testicle Monster B: ,"Come on, give me that thing, speed it up, he can't be this far back.
"
3228,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"There he is, there he is, there he is, there he is, stop, stop.
"
3229,12,Testicle Monster B: ,"So that's the guy, huh?
"
3230,12,Testicle Monster A: ,"Yeah, that's him. Hey, man, remember me? [he and Monster B start beating up Einstein, knocking him to the ground] I got something for your ass! You don't mess with time! You don't fuck with time, motherfucker! [he and Monster B leave]
"
3231,12,Albert Einstein: ,I 
3232,12,Albert Einstein:," I vill mess vith time...
"
3233,13,Rick:," Learning
to fly this thing, Morty, it's gonna be really liberating. Y-Y-You’re gonna be
free to go on all kinds of errands for me.
"
3234,13,Morty:," Cool.
"
3235,13,Rick:," *points out the window* See that planet right there? Don’t fly too close to that planet. Someone’ll come out and try to wash your windshield. (Rick’s phone rings.) Hold on. *picks up* Yup. Yeah, I have it. Where do you wanna meet? Alright, cool. *hangs up* Alright Morty, lesson’s over. We got some business to attend to a few lightminutes south of here.
"
3236,13,Jerry:," Oh, you still use ‘south’ in space?
"
3237,13,Rick:," *startled* WHOA! Jesus, Jerry, what the hell are you doing here?!
"
3238,13,Jerry:," What
are you talking about? We agreed a boy’s father should be present when he’s
learning to drive.
"
3239,13,Rick:, I 
3240,13,Jerry:," *chuckles* Cool! Looks like I’m comin’ along for an adventure!
"
3241,13,Rick:," Yep.
"
3242,13,Morty:," This is where we’re going?
"
3243,13,Rick:," Nope. (An asteroid-like mass materializes before them.) This is. You can park in a handicapped spot, Morty. Anything with less than eight limbs is considered
disabled here.
"
3244,13,Jerry-Sitter:," Well look at this fella. *pinches Jerry’s cheek* Aren’t you handsome?
"
3245,13,Jerry:," Thank you! I’m Jerry. *extends hand*
"
3246,13,Jerry-Sitter:," *as if speaking to a child* Oh, I know you are. Did you come here in a spaceship?
"
3247,13,Jerry:," I’m travelling with my son and father-in-law. Uh, wait, are they coming?
"
3248,13,Jerry-Sitter:," Oh, they’ll be back soon.
"
3249,13,Jerry:," What?
"
3250,13,Pajama Jerry:," I don’t know how this works!
"
3251,13,Underpants Jerry:," Help me!
"
3252,13,Jerry:," What the hell?
"
3253,13,Pajama Jerry:," I know, right?
"
3254,13,Tuxedo Jerry:," *enters room* Oh, what the hell?
"
3255,13,Jerry:," I know, right?
"
3256,13,Morty:," *looking at a pamphlet* Jerryboree? You created a daycare for my dad?
"
3257,13,Rick:, You kidding? I 
3258,13,Receptionist:," Don’t forget to check the reason for your drop-off.
"
3259,13,Rick:," *checks off “Stowaway” and “Annoying me”* Trust me Morty, I’ve heard stories from other Ricks. Jerrys don’t tend to last five minutes off of Earth. This is a totally unregistered cross-temporal asteroid. Here they can romp and play with other Jerrys. It couldn’t be safer.
"
3260,13,Rick:," Hey Morty, hang onto this. That number’s your dad. If you lose it, we’re not gonna be able to get him back.
"
3261,13,Rick:," Okay, wait here.
"
3262,13,Morty:," I wanna come with.
"
3263,13,Rick:," Don’t come with. It’s boring, it’s *burps* business stuff.
"
3264,13,Morty:," What kinda business do you do in a garage? You know, this seems a little shady.
"
3265,13,Rick:," Right, like nothing shady ever happened in a fully furnished office? You ever hear about Wall Street Morty? Y-You know what those guys do in th—in their fancy board rooms? They take their balls, and they dip ‘em in cocaine, and they wipe ‘em all over each other. You know, Grandpa goes around, and he does his business in public because Grandpa isn’t shady.
"
3266,13,Rick:," Ah, crap. *rolls down window* Hey, what’s up?
"
3267,13,Krombopulos Michael:," Hey, Rick! Haha! Here you go, three thousand "
3268,13,Rick:, Can… Can we please…? This is my 
3269,13,Krombopulos Michael:," Well hi Morty! I’m Krombopulos Michael! I’m an assassin. I buy guns from your grandpa.
"
3270,13,Rick:," Ugh. *passes Krombopulos Michael a case containing the antimatter gun* Here, now go away.
"
3271,13,Krombopulos Michael:," *examines weapon* Ooh, yeah, this looks deadly. So this shoots
antimatter? My target can’t be killed with regular matter. Nice to meet you, Morty! Listen, if you ever need anybody murdered, *passes Morty his card* please give me a call. I’m very discrete—
"
3272,13,Rick:," Y-Y-Y-You’re gonna give him your card?!
"
3273,13,Krombopulos Michael:," I have no code of ethics, I will kill anyone, anywhere! Children, animals, old people, doesn’t matter. I just love killin’!
"
3274,13,Morty:," …You sell weapons to killers for money?
"
3275,13,Rick:," Ugh… You’ve got what the intergalactic call a very planetary mindset, Morty. It’s more complicated out here! These are Flurbos. Do you understand what two humans can accomplish with three thousand of these?
"
3276,13,Morty:," Uh, what?
"
3277,13,Rick:, An entire afternoon at 
3278,13,Rick:," Aw, this place is the best. It’s got beer, games, prizes, and you can never tell what time it is.
"
3279,13,Morty:," You sold a gun to a murderer so you could play video games?
"
3280,13,Rick:," Yeah, sure, if you spend all day shuffling words around you can make anything sound bad, Morty. *puts a helmet on Morty’s head* Here, check this out.
"
3281,13,Roy:," Ah!
"
3282,13,Roy’s mother:," Roy, what’s wrong?
"
3283,13,Roy:," I…had a nightmare. I was with an old man… He put a helmet on me.
"
3284,13,Roy’s mother:," It’s just a fever. Get some sleep, I don’t want you missing school on Monday. *walks out of the room and switches off the lights*
"
3285,13,Teacher:," I want you kids to look around you today and think about your future. (Roy looks outside and sees kids playing with a football. He smiles.) Now is the time in your life when anything is possible.
"
3286,13,Announcer:," Spiraling perfectly, it’s gonna be caught by Roy Parsons! Roy Parsons is at the 20! (Roy makes eye contact with a girl in the stands.) Now he’s at the 10! Nothing can stop Roy the Rocket! Touchdown!
"
3287,13,Roy’s wife:," I just think it’s time to get realistic. Have you talked to my father about the carpet store? Roy?
"
3288,13,Doctor:," Had we caught it sooner… Well, hindsight is 20-20, Roy. What’s important is that we move quickly.
"
3289,13,Roy:," I’m not…ready to die…
"
3290,13,Roy’s wife:," *takes his hand* You’re not going to.
"
3291,13,Customer:," Hey, thanks for the carpet, Roy.
"
3292,13,Voice:," *shouting from off screen* Hey Roy, you pull those Persian off-white shags for the clearance sale?
"
3293,13,Roy:," Whoa. Sh-shit! Shit!
"
3294,13,Morty:," Whoa! What the hell?! Wha—Where am I?! What the hell?!
"
3295,13,Rick:," Fifty-five years. Not bad, Morty. You kinda wasted your thirties though with
that whole birdwatching phase.
"
3296,13,Morty:," *looks
around, grips his head* W… Where’s my wife?
"
3297,13,Rick:," Morty. You were just playing a game. It’s called Roy. Snap out of it, come on. *hands him his tickets*
"
3298,13,Morty:," I’m Morty… You’re Rick… Hey, you sold a gun to a guy that kills people!
"
3299,13,Rick:," Lookit
this. You beat cancer and then you went back to work at the carpet store? Boo.
"
3300,13,Morty:," Don’t dodge the issue, Rick! Selling a gun to a hitman is the same as pulling the trigger!
"
3301,13,Rick:," It’s also the same as doing nothing. If Krombopulos Michael wants someone dead, there’s not a lot anybody can do to stop him. That’s why he does it for a living? Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to thrash your Roy score. *puts on the helmet*
"
3302,13,Morty:," You could stop this killing from happening, Rick! You know, y-you did a bad thing selling that gun, but you could undo it if you wanted!
"
3303,13,Rick:," Uh-huh, yeah, that’s the difference between you and me, Morty. I never go back to the carpet store.
"
3304,13,Alien:," *passing by, sees Rick playing Roy* Holy shit! This guy’s taking Roy off the grid! (Other alien patrons gasp and congregate around Rick.) This guy doesn’t have a social security number for Roy!
"
3305,13,Jerry: ,"Hi, I’m sorry, I think there was a misunderstanding. I’m an adult and would like to go home, please.
"
3306,13,Jerry-Sitter:," Well of course! Right through that tube. *points to a tube in the wall*
"
3307,13,Jerry:," *muttering to self* Unbelievable. *approaches the tube and starts climbing in*
"
3308,13,Jerry-Sitter:," You’re doing great!
"
3309,13,Jerry:," *indignantly* I know how to crawl in a tube. *to himself, while crawling* Ugh… Come on… This is harder than it looks… (Suddenly the tube transitions into a slide.) Whoooooaaaa!
"
3310,13,Pink-shirt Jerry:," Marco? (Jerrys laugh.) Marco?
"
3311,13,Other Jerry: ,"Come find me.
"
3312,13,Pink-shirt Jerry:," Marco? (Jerrys laugh again.)
"
3313,13,Jerry:," You guys are enjoying this? Don’t you feel a little… patronized?
"
3314,13,Pink-shirt Jerry:," How so?
"
3315,13,Daycare Beth:," Jerry!
"
3316,13,Other Jerry:," Beeeth.
"
3317,13,Jerry:," Oh, come on, this is ridiculous!
"
3318,13,Daycare Beth:," I love you, Jerry!
"
3319,13,Jerry:," Aw… Beth…
"
3320,13,Daycare Beth:," Who wants to come watch Midnight Run with director’s commentary on?
"
3321,13,Jerrys: ,"Oh! Yes! Definitely!
"
3322,13,Daycare Beth:," First one there gets to adjust the picture settings!
"
3323,13,Jerry:," The factory tint setting is always too high! *climbs out of the ballpit and hurries after “Beth” with the other Jerrys*
"
3324,13,Other Jerry:," Out of my way!
"
3325,13,Another Jerry:," The factory tint setting is always too high!
"
3326,13,Krombopulos,"
"
3327,13,Ship:," You have
arrived at Krombopulos Michael. Your destination is below.
"
3328,13,Morty:," *dazed* All out of off-white Persians… *gets out of the ship and realizes he killed Krombopulos Michael* Oh man, wha-wh-wh-what have I done?! *picks up KM’s arm and the antimatter gun*
"
3329,13,Gromflomite:," (pointing a gun at Morty) Drop the gun!
"
3330,13,Morty:," You don’t understand! This guy was gonna kill someone!
"
3331,13,Gromflomite:," I guess that makes two of us. *fires up his weapon*
"
3332,13,Rick:," What are you doing Morty?! This is a Galactic Federation outpost! Look, I don’t have time to tell you my entire backstory, but Grandpa and government don’t get along!
"
3333,13,Fart," You saved my life!
"
3334,13,Rick:," What?
"
3335,13,Morty:," Huh?! Are you Krombopulos Michael’s target? W-Wwwwhat’s your name?
"
3336,13,Fart:," My kind has no use for names. I communicate through what you call “Jessica’s feet.” No, “telepathy.”
"
3337,13,Rick:," Oh, good job, Morty. Y-Y-Y-You killed my best customer but you saved a mind-reading fart!
"
3338,13,Fart:," I like this name, ‘Fart.’ Morty, would you kindly release me by pulling that lever to the left of my cell? I am in great pain.
"
3339,13,Rick:," Morty, don’t do it. (Morty walks toward the lever.) Morty… (Morty glances at Rick before pulling the lever. Alarms start to sound as Fart escapes his cell.) Morty, you idiot!
"
3340,13,Morty:," Oh crap, let’s get you outta here!
"
3341,13,Rick:," We can’t get him outta here. He’s gaseous. He’s not gonna make it through a portal, Morty.
"
3342,13,Morty:," *stomps past Rick* Well then I guess we’re all getting in the car! Right, uh…
"
3343,13,Fart:," Fart.
"
3344,13,Morty:," No! Jus-j-j-just get in the car!
"
3345,13,Rick:," Morty, come on, I-I wanna go back to Blips and Chitz. I don’t wanna deal with this!
"
3346,13,Morty:," Y-You’ve been clear on the fact that you don’t wanna help, so just go away!
"
3347,13,Fart:," More are coming.
"
3348,13,Rick:," Screw this. I’m out.
"
3349,13,Morty:," Oooh…! Come on, come on!
"
3350,13,Gromflomite:," Get out of the vehicle made of garbage or we will open fire!
"
3351,13,Morty:," *still trying to start the car* Oh no no no!
"
3352,13,Gromflomite:," Open fire!
"
3353,13,Rick:," Stupid-ass fart-saving carpet-store motherfucker! *shoves Morty out of the driver’s seat and takes the wheel* Move!
"
3354,13,Rick:," Wait, did you fuck with my seat settings?
"
3355,13,Fart:," More are coming.
"
3356,13,Morty:," Rick!
"
3357,13,Rick:," Yeah, yeah. (He crashes the car into the Gromflomites before flying away from the outpost.)
"
3358,13,Gearhead:," Your geldon convertor is pretty dinged up.
"
3359,13,Rick:," That’s ‘cause my grandson drives like a male Obavradian. Yeah, I said it. Some stereotypes are based in fact.
"
3360,13,Gearhead:," Actually, it’s because of years of neglect. You really need to respect your gears, Rick. To you, they’re just wheels with teeth, but in my culture, wars have been fought, entire—
"
3361,13,Rick:," *interrupts him* So I’ve heard. Just fix it. *to Morty* I don’t think the Gromflomites can track us now, but it looks like we’re gonna be here for awhile. *lowers voice* Or, ya know, if you still have that gun K. Michael dropped, we can finish the job and go home.
"
3362,13,Fart:," You do understand I’m telepathic, right?
"
3363,13,Rick:," I’m being polite.
"
3364,13,Morty:," Rick, we’re taking him back where he belongs!
"
3365,13,Rick:," Yeah, where’s that? Are you going on a quest to find he who smelt it?
"
3366,13,Fart:," I came here accidentally through a wormhole located in what you call “get out of my head, Fart, I know you’re in here, la la la la—” No, in what you call the Promethean Nebula.
"
3367,13,Rick:," Oh great, just a hop, skip, and an 800 lightyear jump!
"
3368,13,Morty:," You know, you can leave any time you want, Rick.
"
3369,13,Rick:," *walks away, muttering* Whatever you wanna do you little punk-ass little bitch…
"
3370,13,Fart:," Thank you, Morty. You are not like other carbon-based life forms. You put the value of all life above your own.
"
3371,13,Morty:," That’s how things should be. It’s how they could be.
"
3372,13,Fart:," I could not agree more.
"
3373,13,Fart:," (singing over a montage formed from Morty’s imagination) The world can be one together / Cosmos without hatred / Stars like diamonds in your eyes. / The ground can be space (space, space, space, space) / With feet marching toward a peaceful sky. / All the moonmen want things their way / But we make sure they see the sun. / Goodbye, moonmen / You say goodbye, moonmen. / Goodby—
"
3374,13,Rick:," *holding a golf club* Shut the fuck up about moonmen! This isn’t a musical number. This
is a fucking operation, we gotta be cool and fucking lay low!
"
3375,13,Random Jerry:," *opens email and laughs* Duck, duck, birdie? (All Jerrys open emails and laugh.) Very funny!
"
3376,13,Jerry:," Here comes another funny…
"
3377,13,Other Jerry:," Hahaha! Oh, this place is great.
"
3378,13,Jerry:," I almost wish I could stay longer than one day.
"
3379,13,Other Jerry: ,"*suddenly serious* You just might.
"
3380,13,Jerry:," W-What do you mean?
"
3381,13,Other Jerry:," These are the Jerrys whose Ricks and Mortys never came back. (Forgotten Jerrys stand, sit, and lie around the room, generally looking despondent.) …They live here now.
"
3382,13,Jerry:," Uuuum…
"
3383,13,Gear Anchor: ,"No gear turnings as of yet in the curious case of these unidentified humanoid fugitives (An image of Rick and Morty in the car as Rick was adjusting the seat settings appears onscreen.) reportedly at large somewhere within the Gear System.
"
3384,13,Rick:," Son of a… *approaches Fart* Why were the Gromflomites holding you prisoner? What the fuck is so valuable about you?
"
3385,13,Fart:," I am no more valuable than life itself. However, I am able to alter the composition of atoms, like this. (An electric fuzz seems to go through the gaseous cloud and a lump of gold materializes, dropping to the ground beneath him.) That was oxygen. I added seventy-one protons to it.
"
3386,13,Rick:," *picks up the gold* Ah, terrific. The fart that pooped gold. No wonder every cop in the system is lookin’ for us! *pockets gold* Any species that gets a hold of this thing is gonna use it to take over the galaxy. Do you know how inconvenient that’s gonna be to my work?
"
3387,13,Rick:," Somebody dropped the dime on us. Gearhead… *turns around*
"
3388,13,Gearhead:," *pointing a gun at Rick* I’m sorry, Rick. The reward on your head is too high. And like you always say, you gotta look out for Number One.
"
3389,13,Rick:, Number One is 
3390,13,Gearhead:, Friend? Do you even know my real name? It’s Revolio Clockberg Junior. I belong to an entire 
3391,13,Gearhead:," No, not twigs!
"
3392,13,Rick:," Two things I wanna make clear to everybody in this room. Never betray me, and it’s time to go.
"
3393,13,Gear Policeman #1:," Nobody move!
"
3394,13,Gear Policeman #2: ,"Oh my god.
"
3395,13,Gear Policeman #1:," Are those…?
"
3396,13,Rick:," Hey Morty, remember when you said selling a gun was as bad as pulling the trigger? How do you feel about all these people getting killed because of your choices?
"
3397,13,Morty:," I did
the right thing, Rick!
"
3398,13,Rick:," Tell
that to Gearhead’s gearsticles.
"
3399,13,Morty:," You did
that!
"
3400,13,Rick:," Wrong! I’d
be playin’ Roy right now. At a certain point, my hands are tied, Morty.
"
3401,13,Jerry:," *playing
poker with other Jerrys, sighs* I can’t believe Rick did this. This is the
eighth to the last straw.
"
3402,13,Bearded Jerry:,"
Ante up.
"
3403,13,Jerry:," You
know what? *throws down cards* Screw it! I have a better gamble for your guys.
*leans forward* I say we escape.
"
3404,13,Bearded Jerry:,"
If you want to leave, you can just go out the front door.
"
3405,13,Tank-top Jerry:,"
You think we’re kept here against our will? That would be "
3406,13,Jerry:," But… If
you can leave, then why are you still here?
"
3407,13,Buzzcut Jerry:,"
Same reason as you. *looks to other Jerrys for confirmation* …We’re Jerrys.
"
3408,13,Jerry:," I’m
leaving.
"
3409,13,Jerry-Sitter:,"
Okay then, that was always allowed.
"
3410,13,Rick:," Morty,
take the wheel!
"
3411,13,Morty:," Whoa,
whoa!
"
3412,13,Rick:," Whoa!
"
3413,13,Rick:," Geez,
dammit, Morty! Who taught you to fly this thing?! *laughs* Haha, I’m kidding, I
know that’s on me.
"
3414,13,Morty:," Um,
Rick!
"
3415,13,Rick:," Shit.
Well, I guess this is it.
"
3416,13,Fart:," Morty,
crack the window.
"
3417,13,Fart:," I wonder
why Greg is always so critical of my girlfriend.
"
3418,13,Officer:," Well…
He’d probably like to have me to himself, that’s how friends are.
"
3419,13,Fart:," Or does
he want "
3420,13,Fart:," The
world can be one together / Cosmos without hatred / Stars like diamonds in your
eyes.
"
3421,13,Officer:,"
*anguished* My life is a fucking joke.
"
3422,13,Fart:," Goodbye,
moonmen. / You say, goodbye, moonmen.
"
3423,13,Fart:," Goodbye,
moonmen… (Fart floats back in through the window and the song ends.) Alright,
let’s proceed.
"
3424,13,Rick:," Damn.
Can’t blame that on the dog. …Talk about silent but deadly. I-I’ve seen some
nerve gas but ga- th-this gas got some nerve! Haha, you know what I’m sayin’?
"
3425,13,Morty:," *not
amused* Are you done?
"
3426,13,Rick:," I’ll let
you know, Morty. Gone with the wind, am I right? If you don’t like that one,
Morty, an alt on that one could be, like…if I said Gasablanca! …Alright, I’m
done. (Morty starts driving.) Let’s get to the Promethean Nebula, so my
grandson can finish savin’ a life!
"
3427,13,Garblovian: ,"Ga-ga
blahg blahg?
"
3428,13,Jerry:," Um…
Earth, please?
"
3429,13,Jerry:," Um… Is
this… Do I pay?
"
3430,13,Garblovian:," Agah
blahg-blah! (Jibberish continues as Jerry rushes away. Other aliens heckle
him.)
"
3431,13,Jerry:," Sorry!
"
3432,13,Jerry:," Hmm.
Hmm… *hesitantly makes to pet the creature, but its face suddenly splays out in
a tentacle formation* Agh! *runs away*
"
3433,13,Garblovian:," Agah
blahg blahg?
"
3434,13,Jerry:," I don’t…
"
3435,13,Garblovian:,"
*angrily* Agah blahg!
"
3436,13,Jerry:," What do
you want?
"
3437,13,Garblovian: ,"*holds
out cup* Agah blahg blah—
"
3438,13,Jerry:," Oh!
*looks at self and begins panicking* Ahahaaaahhhhh….
"
3439,13,Jerry:," *wiping
goo off himself* Uhhh… Huhhh…. (Stumbles upon two fleshy alien creatures
mid-coitus.) Oooh! *runs away*
"
3440,13,Tank-top Jerry:,"
Hey, are you the one that left?
"
3441,13,Jerry:," *single
nod*
"
3442,13,Tank-top Jerry:,"
I get it. It’s… uh… a hassle out there.
"
3443,13,Jerry:,"
*suddenly less forlorn* Right? Who needs that?
"
3444,13,Other Jerrys:,"
*to one another* Right? Not me.
"
3445,13,Paul:," Oh-ho,
not us!
"
3446,13,Jerry:," Uh… Who
are you?
"
3447,13,Paul:," Oh,
excuse me. "
3448,13,Jerry:," …Geez…
"
3449,13,Paul:," Don’t worry. I treat Beth very well, and I do not
overstep my bounds with Morty. Every kid needs a dad, but there’s no replacing
you. Hey, you wanna give us a hand with this? *gestures to the TV* We’re trying
to figure out how to get the sound coming through the stereo instead of the TV.
I-I-I don’t—It’s very difficult.
"
3450,13,Jerry:," Oh. Uh,
well, is there an Aux input?
"
3451,13,Tank-top Jerry:,"
I tried that, but there’s two different colors.
"
3452,13,Various Jerrys:,"
Uh… There’s two different colors.
"
3453,13,Fart:," The
wormhole is seventy of what you call ‘meters’ what you call ‘north’ of what you
call ‘here.’
"
3454,13,Rick:," Fine.
Morty, take your fart to his hole and say your goodbyes. I’m gonna find some
fuel and take a biiiig fat Morty. (Morty gets out of the car.) That’s my new
word for ‘shit’ because of today’s events.
"
3455,13,Fart:," Here it
is. This should take me back to my kind.
"
3456,13,Morty:," I’m
gonna miss you, um, Fart. I’m really sorry your name became Fart.
"
3457,13,Fart:," I will
be back soon, Morty.
"
3458,13,Morty:,"
*excited* Really?
"
3459,13,Fart:," After I
return to the others with this location, we will be back for your cleansing.
"
3460,13,Morty:," Um…
Cleansing…?
"
3461,13,Fart:,"
Carbon-based life is a threat to all higher life. To us, you are what you would
call a disease. Wherever we discover you, we cure it. You said yourself that
life must be protected even through sacrifice. (Morty, shocked and saddened,
begins to tear up.) You haven’t changed your mind about that. I can sense your
thoughts. Morty.
"
3462,13,Morty:," *wipes
his eyes* Um… Before you go… Could you sing a… C-Could you sing for me again?
"
3463,13,Fart:," Yes,
Morty. *approaches him as “Goodbye Moonmen” begins, again set to a sequence
formed from Morty’s imagination* Cosmos without hatred / Blinding stars of
cosmic light / Quasars shine through endless night / And everything is one in
the beauty / And now we say goodby—
"
3464,13,Fart:," Morty…
Why… Why?
"
3465,13,Morty:,"
Goodbye.
"
3466,13,Rick:," So did you
guys make out a little bit? Is he gonna send you a postcard? (Morty wordlessly
enters the car.) Man, that guy hit the lottery when he crossed paths with you.
"
3467,13,Rick:," Morty, I
know I picked on your core beliefs and decision making a lot today, but I am
glad you insisted on gettin’ that fart home. You know, at least all the death
and destruction wasn’t for nothin’, you know? *notices Morty’s detached, almost
anguished expression* You miss your fart friend, huh? Well I’ve got a little
surprise for you, buddy. While you were gone I found another wormhole with
millions of beings just like him on the other side and they’re all coming to
visit.
"
3468,13,Morty:," *panicking*
What?! Rick! No, you can’t!
"
3469,13,Rick:," Too
late, Morty. The hole’s opening.
"
3470,13,Morty:," No, no,
Rick! You don’t understand!
"
3471,13,Rick: ,"Th-there’s
a lot more where that came from too.
"
3472,13,Rick:," Hey.
*taps another Rick’s arm* Hey bro. How many people was your Morty responsible for
killing today?
"
3473,13,Other Rick:,"
None, we chilled at Blips and Chitz all day, ain’t that right homie?
"
3474,13,Other Morty:,"
Darn right bro! Roy rules!
"
3475,13,Other Rick:,"
Haha!
"
3476,13,Rick:," *glares
at Morty* Must be nice… Hey, Morty, there’s our Jerry.
"
3477,13,Jerry:," Mm, I
missed you. Hey, Rick.
"
3478,13,Rick: ,"Glad you’re
safe Jerry. What do you say we go home?
"
3479,13,Jerry:," I’d
like that.
"
3480,13,Another Rick:," *holding
a ticket* Hey, wait, do you have 5126?
"
3481,13,Rick:," Uh, I’m
not sure. Morty.
"
3482,13,Other Rick:,"
Uh, that’s a Blips and Chitz ticket.
"
3483,13,Morty:," What?!
"
3484,13,Rick:," Way to
go, Morty. Eh, whatever.
"
3485,13,Jerrys:," Uh…
W-wait, what?
"
3486,13,Ricks:,"
Alright, come on, Jerry.
"
3487,13,Announcer:," Are
you tired of the same daily droll? Well, get on over to Blips and Chitz! (As he
describes things, they appear on screen.) We got, uh… one game! We got a whole
bunch of games here! Uh, we got chabos and flobos and you can shoot things! Get
on over here and play the games! Use your Flurbos to get tickets! Roy 2 just
got here! G-Get over here at Ch… Chips and Chitz!
"
3488,13,Rick:," It’s the
coolest place in the world! Hahahaha, I g- I get to be in a commercial!
"
3489,14,All,: (singing) Love. Connection. Experience.
3490,14,Rick,: Yeah Morty
3491,14,All,": (singing) Come together. With love. connection, experience! [laughter]
"
3492,14,Rick,: It's my favourite song
3493,14,Morty,": Hahahahaha, yeah"
3494,14,Rick,": Oh yeah, distress beacon! [belches] Yeah baby!"
3495,14,Morty,: You're excited about that?
3496,14,Rick,": The first rule of space travel kids, is always check out distress beacons; nine out of ten times its a ship full of dead aliens and a bunch of free shit!"
3497,14,Morty,: Whoa!
3498,14,Summer,: Whoa!
3499,14,Rick,": One out of ten times its a deadly trap, but I'm ready to roll those dice!"
3500,14,Summer,: Seems like something terrible happened here.
3501,14,Rick,": Yeah. Cha-ching. Oh yeah, if you find a room full of eggs, don't shy away from it, give one of them a shake. Those facehuggers are worth more than this ship."
3502,14,Morty,": Uh, what's that?"
3503,14,Rick,: This will make the cops write it up as a looting by the Korblocks.
3504,14,Summer,: That's horrible!
3505,14,Rick,": I hear you man, cops are racist."
3506,14,Rick,": Oh, hey! You're alive! Thank God."
3507,14,Female Alien,: Can you help us? Our planet was taken over by some kind of [pauses] entity! It absorbed the minds of our people!
3508,14,Male Alien," 1: We didn't notice until it was too late. The people it takes over, they look like your friends, your family, your leaders, but they're not, themselves any more; They're part of It."
3509,14,Rick,: And how do you know it didn't get on the ship with you? Those two ding-dongs seem pretty calm about the whole thing.
3510,14,Male Alien," with glasses: Hey! No, no- uurgh!"
3511,14,Rick,: Called it.
3512,14,All six aliens together,: Hello Rick. Long time no see.
3513,14,Rick,: Unity!?
3514,14,Morty,: Rick?
3515,14,Summer,: Grandpa?
3516,14,Rick,": Oh boy. Uh, these are my grandkids, Summer and Morty. Summer, Morty, this is uh, Unity. We sort of used to, uh, date."
3517,14,Rick,: Quite an operation you got going here Une. You're a whole planet now huh?
3518,14,Unity (Administrator),": After we broke up, I spend some time wandering through space,"
3519,14,Unity (Thin suited man),": then I found this world,"
3520,14,Large suited man,: where I was better able to focus on my passion for unification.
3521,14,Summer,: You mean stealing peoples’ bodies?
3522,14,Rick,": Summer, rude. Why don't you kids run off and play with Unity while Unity and I do some catching up."
3523,14,Summer,: Ugh.
3524,14,Morty,": Wait! Rick, aren't these people going to barf into our mouths and absorb us?"
3525,14,Administrator,": You're guests here on my planet, you're free to be yourselves; I've never been good at disappointing Rick."
3526,14,Summer,: Well now I'm going to barf. Come on Morty.
3527,14,Beth,": Jerry, what are you- what are you doing in here?"
3528,14,Jerry,": I’m trying to find our weed whacker, ‘cause our weeds are wack, yo."
3529,14,Beth,: But you can’t go in the garage when Rick’s not here.
3530,14,Jerry,: I can’t?
3531,14,Beth,": Well, he doesn’t like it."
3532,14,Jerry,": What’s he gonna do, crash rent-free at his other family’s house?"
3533,14,Beth,: What is that supposed to mean?
3534,14,Jerry,": Your dad gets to walk all over us because of your abandonment issues! He’s playing you, shorty."
3535,14,Beth,": Oh, stop affecting that stupid hip-hop dialect!"
3536,14,Jerry,: Stop shifting the crosshairs to my ironic urban patois just because your relationship with your father is toe-up from the flow-up.
3537,14,Jerry,: What the hell was that?
3538,14,Beth,": (whispering) I don’t know, let’s just leave!"
3539,14,Jerry,: That is a hatch! Your father put a hatch in my garage!
3540,14,Beth,": You don’t know it was him! [pauses] Anyway, we’re not supposed to be in here!"
3541,14,Jerry,": Obviously, neither is whatever’s gurgling down there."
3542,14,Rick,": World peace achieved. Nice! A little weird to publish a paper about it for yourself, but hey. So what’s next?"
3543,14,Newsagent,": After I become a type-one civilisation, this world will be invited into the Galactic Federation."
3544,14,Rick,": Oh, goody."
3545,14,Customer,: From there I’ll have access to countless planets and species.
3546,14,Pedestrian,": One by one, I will unify them, I will become the universe, and I will be what the single-minded once called a god."
3547,14,Rick,": [burps] I like that. Oh, that’s pretty sexy. Hey listen, where can I get a drink around here?"
3548,14,Old woman,: Recreational substances were phased out here. There’s no need for escape from the self when your world is one.
3549,14,Rick,": Unity, Unity, who am I talking to? I watched you assimilate a whole police station just to get your hands on the evidence locker."
3550,14,Worker,": Rick, when we met I was a young hivemind with the population of a small town. People… change."
3551,14,Busker,": Especially when I change them. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but… I’ve grown."
3552,14,Rick,": Hey, listen, I’ve grown too. I have! See, I’ve- I’ve reconnected with my family, right?"
3553,14,Police officer,": Hm, why is that I wonder?"
3554,14,Rick,: Maybe it’s part of getting old. Maybe I just miss being with… a collective.
3555,14,Crowd,: Yes Rick! Yes! Yes!
3556,14,Rick,: Oh yeah!
3557,14,Crowd,: Yes! Yes!
3558,14,Rick,": Wait, wait, stop! H-Hold it! Not like this. We need a hang glider. And a crotchless Uncle Sam costume. And I want the entire field of your largest stadium covered end to end with naked redheads! And I want the stands packed with every man that remotely resembles my father!"
3559,14,Morty,: Look at ‘em go! So coordinated! What’s your problem? They’re making you into a Mount Rushmore! They made burgers!
3560,14,Summer,": Morty, open your eyes! There is no they! These poor people’s’ bodies are being used! They’re a planet of puppets!"
3561,14,Fan holder,: I can hear you.
3562,14,Summer,: Ugh!
3563,14,Morty,": Well, seems like everybody here’s cool with it. Except for all those redheads. They seem like they’re in a hurry to be somewhere else."
3564,14,Clown,": Balloon, Summer? Balloon, Morty?"
3565,14,Summer,": No, we don’t want your dumb balloons. We’re bored. Take us back to Rick."
3566,14,Clown,: Now’s… not a good time.
3567,14,Rick,: Oh yeah! I want youuuuuu!
3568,14,Stadium,: Go son go! Go son go! Go son go!
3569,14,Jerry,: Oh! Real nice! Real nice! How does a man do this without me noticing?
3570,14,Beth,": Oh, you know my dad. Once he puts his mind to something…"
3571,14,Jerry,: You’re spinning this to his credit?
3572,14,Jerry,: I’m going down there.
3573,14,Beth,: Jerry!
3574,14,Jerry,": Beth, this is my house, which makes this my garage, my secret hatch, my hidden subterranean lair,  and my faceless gargler. Now, are you going to keep hating this playa, or are you gonna jack my steed?"
3575,14,Beth,": Okay, you’re just making stuff up now."
3576,14,Rick,: Oh my god. Oh my god. [Drinks water]
3577,14,Redheads,": Oh Rick, it was so bad."
3578,14,Rick,: What’s this ‘was’ stuff? I just need to hydrate and then we’re doing that again!
3579,14,Redheads,: Oh damn.
3580,14,Rick,": Listen, if this is an invasion I gotta sit this one out, but I’ll- I’ll be back to have sex with the survivors."
3581,14,Redheads,": It’s a neighboring hivemind species, Beta-7. Our planet’s maintained a practical alliance for exchange of vital resources. (whispering) So be nice!"
3582,14,Beta-7,: Unity. [pauses] Is it a… bad time? Are all… present lifeforms… assimilated?
3583,14,Man With glasses,": Beta-7, this is my single-minded friend from Earth, Rick."
3584,14,Beta-7,: Rick… Sanchez. Unity has spoken of you.
3585,14,Rick,: All bad I hope. [laughing]
3586,14,Rick,": Whoa, Jesus Christ!"
3587,14,Redheads,": Beta-7, if my allies are a problem for you perhaps our alliance is as well."
3588,14,Beta-7,: Our alliance is beneficial. When Beta-7 expresses concern it- it’s only … be-because…
3589,14,Rick,: Oh snap! Powdered neutronium? Amphetetron? You know what I can make with this stuff?
3590,14,Redheads,": Oh… Rick, I- I shouldn’t..."
3591,14,Rick,": Come on, it’s not every day that I’m in town! It- it’s for old time’s sake."
3592,14,Redheads,": Uh… Okay, what the hell! We can purify the resin and make fractal dust!"
3593,14,Rick,": Oh, I was thinking velocitinis, but…"
3594,14,Unity,": Aww, old man Rick can’t party with the whole planet?"
3595,14,Rick,": I can do whatever you do and more, baby."
3596,14,Beta-7,: Hrmm…
3597,14,Rick,": You know, I think Beta-7 over there is hoping your alliance can be more than practical."
3598,14,Jerry,": Well, this explains the six thousand dollar electric bill."
3599,14,Blim Blam,: [Gurgling]
3600,14,Jerry,: Well. Nice. Real nice. Alien prisoners under the house. Real nice. Nice. Reeeal-
3601,14,Beth,": Goddamn it, stop."
3602,14,Summer,: Wake up people! You have to fight it! You’re under the spell of an evil monster!
3603,14,Man with glasses,: I can hear you.
3604,14,Summer,: Yeah! So you keep saying!
3605,14,Morty,: Summer!
3606,14,Summer,: Wake up! You have to have some individuality left in there!
3607,14,Steven Phillips,": Why do you hate me, Summer?"
3608,14,Summer,: I’m not talking to you! I’m talking to…
3609,14,Summer,: ...Steven Phillips! Steven! Set yourself free!
3610,14,Steven Phillips,": Summer, before I took over this planet, this man was a registered sex offender."
3611,14,Summer,": ...Yeah, well so what? At least he was himself."
3612,14,Marine Biologist,: This woman was a drug addict on the verge of suicide. Now she’s a marine biologist.
3613,14,Morty,": Listen Unity, I don’t think my sister’s trying to say that life would be perfect without you. I think she’s just saying that life would be… you know, life."
3614,14,Old man,: I have transformed life here into a paradise. Prostitutes are now scientists. The homeless are now phisosophers.
3615,14,Summer,": Oh, phi- phisosophers?"
3616,14,Old man,: Philophiluh… phiphophibup...
3617,14,Summer,: Oh my god. Where did you learn to talk you grandpa-stealing slut?
3618,14,Old man,: I’m feeling… urk!
3619,14,Morty,: Oh man! Let me help all of you guys up!
3620,14,All,: I’m fine!
3621,14,Administrator,": Do you know what I love about you, Rick? You’re the only single mind I’ve met who really sees the big picture."
3622,14,Rick,": You got that right. But… baby, listen. Y-you’re talking about taking over planets and galaxies, you gotta… you gotta just… remember to let go sometimes, you know."
3623,14,Administrator,": I can let go! Hey, look! You see that town across the river? Watch this."
3624,14,Rick,: Whoa!
3625,14,Administrator,: Ha ha! Woot!
3626,14,Rick,: Whoa! That’s not what I meant!
3627,14,Administrator,": [laughing] It’s okay! It’s okay, I evacuated! I evacuated the town, look!"
3628,14,Townspeople,: Hey! Right here! We’re fine!
3629,14,Rick,": [laughing] Oh, that was awesome! My grandkids weren’t in that town, right? A-are my grandkids alive? … H-hey, my drink is empty."
3630,14,Morty, and Summer: Aah!
3631,14,Summer,": Unity, what’s happening?"
3632,14,Steven Phillips,: Who’s Unity? You kids have nice feet. Mind if I take a picture?
3633,14,Summer,": Gross, no!"
3634,14,Morty,": I think you’re getting what you wanted, Summer. Something’s happening to Unity."
3635,14,Summer,: Do… all of you remember who you are?
3636,14,Ron Benson,": ...Yeah. My name is Ron Benson. I’m… an electrical engineer. Father of two, and as you can see from my flat concentric nipple rings, I’m a member of this planet’s top race! [opens shirt to reveal ring nipples]
"
3637,14,Summer,": Okay, that’s good! Uh… Don’t focus too much on the last part, but..."
3638,14,Daryl Jefferson,: I’m Daryll Jefferson. I’m a landscaper. And I’ll be damned if that ripple-nipple bitch’s race is superior! [removes shirt] The cone-nipple people will rule this world!
3639,14,Ron Benson,": You shut your mouth, you dirty knife-nipple bastards!"
3640,14,Daryl Jefferson,": What’d you say to me, you target-chested piece of shit?"
3641,14,Alien Man,: Race war!
3642,14,Summer,: Why are you fighting? Can’t you see you’re all the same?
3643,14,Morty,": Ah, Summer. Ha ha. First race war, huh?"
3644,14,Morty,": Way to go, Summer. You started a race war."
3645,14,Summer,: I didn’t start it! They’re the racists! I… I  merely empowered them to follow their apparently misguided dreams!
3646,14,Morty,": Okay, thanks for clarifying! Y- I’ll have a super accurate headstone now!"
3647,14,Rioter,": Hey wait, what race are you guys?"
3648,14,Morty,: [pulling up shirt] We’re neither! S-see?
3649,14,Summer,": Yeah, take my word for it. We just have regular nipples."
3650,14,Rioter,: Hey! These two freaks have no race!
3651,14,Morty,": Oh, there’s no place like home! There’s no place like home! Remember, Summer?"
3652,14,Summer,: Oh…
3653,14,Morty,: From Dorothy and The Tiny People movie?
3654,14,Summer,": O-oh, yes, yes yes…"
3655,14,Morty,: All the tiny people?
3656,14,Summer,": Dorothy, take us away! Take us away!"
3657,14,SWAT,: Hello Summer. Hello Morty.
3658,14,Pilot,: It’s okay! You’re safe now.
3659,14,Morty,: U-Unity?
3660,14,SWAT,: Yes.
3661,14,Summer,": Oh, Unity I am so sorry. I didn’t know freedom meant people doing stuff that sucks! I was thinking more of… a choose-your-own-cellphone-carrier thing."
3662,14,Pilot,": Oh, Summer, you did nothing wrong! I’m having fun with your grandpa! Lost a little control. Probably shouldn’t be piloting a hovercopter, nor should I be… running two hundred thousand pediatric hospitals and twelve million deep friers, but hey! It’s not like this planet can take its business elsewhere!"
3663,14,Morty,": Um… should we maybe stop somewhere and get you a coffee? Maybe splash a little water on your face, or…?"
3664,14,Pilot,": No, no, if I wanted to be sober, I wouldn’t have gotten drunk! Wooohoooo!"
3665,14,Jerry,: Oh man. I cannot wait. I cannot wait to hear Rick explain his way around this. He is gone!
3666,14,Beth,": Jerry, stop! Please, okay, we weren’t even supposed to be down here. If we confront him about this-"
3667,14,Jerry,": Oh my god! I love this! I love that this is how far you will go for him. You wanna go upstairs, and cut carrots, and watch a lifetime original, above a fucking alien dungeon! Your relationship with your father is psychotic!"
3668,14,Beth,: Oh listen to you relish the idea that my genius father is a bad person! Step out of your ego for a second and look at this thing! It’s a monster! He might have it chained up so that it doesn’t eat the planet!
3669,14,Jerry,": Right, because your father’s such an altruist? I once saw him briefly forget the word for humans! He’s probably harvesting this creature’s organs!"
3670,14,Beth,: He’s probably racing to cure its space aids!
3671,14,Jerry,: He’s going to eat it!
3672,14,Beth,: He’s protecting it!
3673,14,Blim Blam,: [Gurgles]
3674,14,Jerry,:Shut up!
3675,14,Beth,:Shut up!
3676,14,Summer,: Unity! This place is a mess!
3677,14,Administrator,": Oh, it’s cool! The part of me that’s the cleaning lady is coming on Friday. [gasps] Oh my god! I have a meeting at the galactic federation in an hour. Oh, I’ll never make it! Ah, I’ll push it to next week."
3678,14,Morty,": Unity, could you get Rick out here please?"
3679,14,Administrator,: He’s… unavailable! He’s-
3680,14,Summer,": Having sex with you, we get it! Gross. Get him out here now."
3681,14,Administrator,: I don’t think he wants to be-
3682,14,Summer,: (shouting) Grandpa Rick!
3683,14,Morty,: (shouting) Rick! Rick!
3684,14,Summer,: (shouting) I’m gonna tell mom and dad about the gagoo you have locked up under the garage!
3685,14,Rick,: What the hell… is your problem?
3686,14,Summer,": Grandpa, we need to go home! Now!"
3687,14,Rick,": Fine, geez!"
3688,14,Rick,: See ya!
3689,14,Morty,": Uh, Rick? I think we should all go."
3690,14,Rick,": Tend your garden, kids, I’m kinda doing a thing here."
3691,14,Summer,": Grandpa Rick, we’re not leaving without you!"
3692,14,Rick,: Oh my god [belches] you guys I get it. You’re afraid the big bad hivemind is gonna steal  your grandpa away.
3693,14,Summer,": Actually, no. I think Unity’s great and you’re a horrible influence on it!"
3694,14,Rick,: What?
3695,14,Morty,": This isn’t healthy, Rick! Y- you know you-you’re really up to no good around here. I-at-at this place,  you know?"
3696,14,Summer,: You and Unity are like… like… leggings and mid-calf boots. You think you’re great together but you’re just bringing out the worst in each other!
3697,14,Rick,": Oh, gee, boy Summer, well put. Uh, why don’t we see what Unity thinks. Unity?"
3698,14,Shades guy,: I’m just taking a little break from stuff. You know? I need to relax.
3699,14,Rick,": Oh, hey, wh-what’s this on the news, guys? L-l-let me turn it up."
3700,14,Todd,": In the news today, this looks a lot worse than it is. We’re… really just having a good time. Karen?"
3701,14,Karen,": Thanks, Todd. Up next: Are you a concerned grandchild or just a buzzkill? We’ll tell you how you can really know for sure!"
3702,14,Rick,: I think you two are a little outnumbered.
3703,14,Summer,": Okay! Well, what if you did it for me? What if you came with us as a favour to us… because you love us?"
3704,14,Rick,: What? Dumb. Bye.
3705,14,Morty,": But Rick, Summer’s just-"
3706,14,Rick,": Summer’s just a hyper-emotional, needy little- what’s the word I’m looking for here… uh- human! It runs in the family! I can tolerate it but I can’t give a crap about it. Take a hike."
3707,14,Summer,": Take care of yourself, Unity."
3708,14,Rick,": I’m not looking for judgement, just a yes or no. Can you assimilate a giraffe?"
3709,14,Beth,: You’re the worst!
3710,14,Jerry,: No! You’re the worst! You don’t support this family!
3711,14,Jerry,: All you care about is yourself!
3712,14,Beth,: You think supporting the family is about supporting you emotionally...
3713,14,Jerry,: You’ve got two children being dragged across the cosmos...
3714,14,Beth,": ...but you’re unsupportable! Because it’s never enough, Jerry!"
3715,14,Jerry,": ...by your dangerously ill father, and you force me to watch it happen!"
3716,14,Beth,: It will never be enough support to satisfy you! And you don’t even know what it’s like…
3717,14,Jerry,: Because you’d rather lose them and lose me than lose him!
3718,14,Beth,: …to be afraid of losing anything because you cling and you cling and you cling…
3719,14,Jerry,": And why? Because you’re the child, Beth. You, not me, you!"
3720,14,Jerry,: Aaah!
3721,14,Beth,: Oh my god!
3722,14,Beth, and Jerry: Aah!
3723,14,Blim Blam,": Um, first of all, hello. Uh, my name is Blim Blam the korblok. Second of all, cards on the table: I am a murderer that eats babies and I came to this planet to eat babies. However, I am also carrying a highly infectious disease, that I suppose you could call ‘space aids’ as you put it, and Rick did chain me up so that he could attempt to cure it. At the same time, Rick’s motivation to cure my disease was not to save my life or anyone else’s, but to patent and sell the cure for billions of blemflarks. But you know the reason why I ripped my chains out of the wall? And do you know why I’m never coming back to this planet? Because the two of you are the fucking worst! You both hate yourselves and each other! And the idea that it has anything to do with Rick is laughable! I’d laugh but I’m biologically incapable, that’s how alien I am! And even I’m sitting here listening to the two of you, and being like, what the fuck! So! Good luck with your shitty marriage, and I’m sorry that Rick has to deal with either of you. Blim Blam, out!"
3724,14,Blim Blam,: You know what? I’m taking this.
3725,14,Blim Blam,: How do you- what is this?
3726,14,Blim Blam,": Uh, is there a slow setting? Best door ever."
3727,14,Rick,": Aaah! [coughs] Okay, okay, now make him cry. But happy cry. Now make ‘em all make fun of the blonde one. Now make ‘em all do it on the table! I can’t believe you created a whole show for me. Now cancel it! Okay, now put it back on. Haha! [pauses] Alright, I’m bored."
3728,14,Administrator,": Rick, is there a way for you to call Summer and Morty? I feel bad that they-"
3729,14,Rick,": Pfft, screw those guys! Uugh, I’ll be right back. Don’t waste your brain on those weirdos, Unity. They’re no different from any other aimless chumps that you occupy. They just put you at the centre of their lives because you’re powerful and then because they put you there they want you to be less powerful. Never gonna happen though, right?"
3730,14,All,: Never.
3731,14,Rick,: Never! Back in a flash.
3732,14,Rick,": Best weekend ever, Rick! I agree, Rick! Let’s see how long we can go!"
3733,14,Rick,: Hey Une! You got any more-
3734,14,Unity (voiceover),": Rick, forgive me for doing this in notes. I’m not strong enough to do it in persons."
3735,14,Unity (voiceover),": I realise now that I’m attracted to you for the same reason I can’t be with you. You can’t change. And I have no problem with that, but… it clearly means I have a problem with myself."
3736,14,Unity (voiceover),: I’m sure there’s no perfect version of me. I’m sure I’ll just unify species after species and never really be complete.
3737,14,Unity (voiceover),": But I know how it goes with us. I lose who I am and become part of you. Because in a strange way you’re better at what I do without even trying. Yours, and nobody else’s, Unity. P.S. I don’t know where those coal miners were before they got assimilated. You might want to get checked."
3738,14,Rick,: Hey.
3739,14,Beth,": Dad… [clears throat] I… um… Jerry and I were looking for our weed whacker, and found your subterranean lair… and your alien prisoner. And… he got away. And I know I sound like mom but I can’t sacrifice this whole family’s safety just because I’m afraid you’ll leave again, so no more alien prisoners, and, no more subterranean excavation without consulting us."
3740,14,Rick,: Okay.
3741,14,Beth,: ...Okay? Y-y-y-y-Okay like you’re gonna quietly teleport somewhere and never come back?
3742,14,Rick,: No. It’s your house.
3743,14,Summer,: Grandpa Rick! What happened… with Unity?
3744,14,Rick,": Who? Oh. Unity. Yeah, well, I mean honestly we’re talking about an entity that thrives on enslavement, you know. It’s not cool. Fun’s fun but who needs it? I’ll be in the garage."
3745,14,Rick,: Unity! Unity! Unity!
3746,14,Beta-7,: How can I assist you?
3747,14,Rick,": I wanna talk to [belches] Unity. Beta-7, I know it’s in there!"
3748,14,Beta-7,": You’re classified as a hostile entity, and Unity doesn’t want to talk to you."
3749,14,Rick,": I know your game, Beta-7, I’ve met a billion of you, you little on-deck in-the-wind shoulder to cry on!"
3750,14,Beta-7,: You are classified as a hostile entity.
3751,14,Rick,": Well, you’re just loving this, mother f- this isn’t gonna shape out like you think, pal! Unity’s not into other hiveminds! It’s gonna suck you in and use you up and a month from now I’m going to be making out with all of you in a bunch of red wigs! Unity! Unity! Unity, I know you can hear me! Get out here!"
3752,14,Beta-7,: Weapons systems engaged.
3753,14,Rick,": Oh, in your dreams you have weapons systems."
3754,14,Morty,": Ugh, Rick, you said we were going to a movie."
3755,14,Rick,": We are, Morty. Alright, Beta-shit-7, you just got saved by the bell, bitch!"
3756,15,Jerry,": Steve, I just got a weird E-mail. Did you buy us airline tickets?"
3757,15,Uncle Steve,": Aw shoot, it was supposed to be a surprise! I wanted to thank you for letting me live here all this time, so I'm treating the family to a vacation!"
3758,15,Beth,": Steve, you're so sweet!"
3759,15,Morty,: Thanks Uncle Steve!
3760,15,Summer,: Best uncle ever!
3761,15,Uncle Steve,": Look out world, the Smith family is goin' to Paris!"
3762,15,Summer,:(Offscreen) Yeah! Awesome!
3763,15,Jerry,": Rick, I don't like glowing rocks in the kitchen trash."
3764,15,Rick,": Well I don't like your unemployed genes in my grandchildren, Jerry. But life is made of little concessions."
3765,15,Jerry,": I, you know what, I-"
3766,15,Uncle Steve,: You're gonna land on your feet Jer. Some company out there's gonna think they're lucky stars they hired my little brother.
3767,15,Rick,: Who the fuck are you?
3768,15,Jerry,": My goofy brother Steve. He's been living here almost a year now, are you losing your mind?"
3769,15,Uncle Steve,": Hey someone's been spending too much time around glowing rocks am I right? (Everybody except Rick laughs, Rick shoots Steve in the head)"
3770,15,Morty,": What the hell, Rick? What the hell?"
3771,15,Rick,": Everybody just relax for a second. There's no such thing as an ""Uncle Steve"". That is an alien parasite."
3772,15,Jerry,: But I've known him my whole life!
3773,15,Rick,": No you haven't Jerry. These telepathic little bastards, they embed themselves in memories they use those to multiply, spread out, and take over planets. It's disgusting."
3774,15,Morty,: Steve wasn't real?
3775,15,Rick,": He's a real piece of shit! This is a big one, someone probably tracked in last week on the bottom of their shoe or on a piece of alien fruit."
3776,15,Summer,: Someone?
3777,15,Rick,": Get off the high road Summer, we all got pink eye because you won't stop texting on the toilet."
3778,15,Morty,: But Uncle Steve taught me how to ride a bike.
3779,15,Rick,": No, ""Steve"" put that memory in your brain so he could live in your house, eat your food, and multiply. We could be infested with these things, so we gotta keep an eye out for any zany, wacky characters that pop up."
3780,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": Oh wee, whatever you want Rick, we're here to help!"
3781,15,Rick,: Thanks Mr. Poopybutthole. I always could count on you.
3782,15,Rick,": Alright, there's six of us and that's it. Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, and Summer."
3783,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,: Maybe you got the first one in time Rick!
3784,15,Rick,: Can't afford to chance it.
3785,15,Beth,": Dad, why does our house have blast shields?"
3786,15,Rick,: Trust me Beth you don't wanna know how many answers that question has.
3787,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": Ooh, gosh, it feels claustrophobic! Reminds me of that time we all got stuck in the elevator together. Y-- remember that? After ""the hulk"" musical? (Flashback, Jerry grunting, muzak playing )
"
3788,15,Beth,": Jerry, buttons don't work better if you hit them harder, and foam fists don't make you strong."
3789,15,Jerry,: I know. Friends make you strong. I watched the same musical you did.
3790,15,Rick,: Why couldn't I bring my portal gun? (Morty winces )
3791,15,Morty,": Why did all the drinks have to be extra large? Oh, the hulk. I just got that."
3792,15,Summer,": Just pee your pants. I did it the minute we got stuck. Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, shame me. At least when I'm disgusting, it's on purpose."
3793,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": Oh, y'all, we're gonna be fine. I've always been here for you guys, and I always will be. ( chuckles )
"
3794,15,Nicky,: somebody call for repairs?
3795,15,All,: Yay! Cousin Nicky!
3796,15,Nicky,": It's me, cousin Nicky. I'm walkin' here! I mean, I'm not. I'm crouched in the elevator shaft, but hey, I'm walkin' here! ( laughter ) (Cut back to the present) It's true. We really do get into some crazy situations as a family, mostly when we're cooped up like this. Hey, maybe Mr. Poopypants is right. L-let's get some fresh air."
3797,15,Morty,": Come on, cousin Nicky. You heard Rick. We have to stay quarantined until we know that there's no more of these things."
3798,15,Nicky,": I hear you, Morty. Back in brooklyn, we got a sayin' -- ""we're walkin' here!"" ( laughter )
"
3799,15,Jerry,": Nicky! (Rick shoots Nicky in the shoulder, and he reverts back into a parasite)
"
3800,15,Nicky,: Oh! ( gasps ) ( groaning )
3801,15,Morty,: What the...? Cousin Nicky was a parasite?!
3802,15,Rick,": Six, Morty! There's supposed to be six of us! If there's seven, then that means somebody's not real."
3803,15,Beth,: But how did you know it was Nicky?
3804,15,Rick,: I guessed. That's why I aimed for his shoulder.
3805,15,Beth,: So we can't trust any of our memories now? Nicky was the reason we found that old nazi submarine. Did that not even happen?
3806,15,Jerry,": Well, of course it happened."
3807,15,Nazi,": Now that I possess the mighty staff of Rah-gubaba, the world will tremble before the fourth reich!"
3808,15,Morty,": This is the last time I ask you for help on my history final, Rick."
3809,15,Nicky,": Hey, we got a word for nazis back in Brooklyn, pal."
3810,15,Nazi,": I'm comfortable being called a nazi. You think there's some other word that will hurt my feelings? (Hits Nicky on the head) Yeah. Think before you talk shit. Rah-gubaba, help me kill america! (Mr. Beauregard knocks out the nazi)"
3811,15,All,: Mr. Beauregard!
3812,15,Mr. Beauregard,": After due consideration, I have elected not to retire."
3813,15,All,": Yeah! Oh, thank god!"
3814,15,Mr. Beauregard,": Now, I believe someone has a final exam to attend. Set a course for Morty's high school. (Return to the present) Perhaps I'm biased, but if that story never happened, then I wouldn't still be the family butler. ( chuckles ) dare to dream."
3815,15,Rick,: Wait.
3816,15,Summer,": And if Mr. Beauregard wasn't our butler, it's safe to say the family'd be in a hell of a lot of trouble. ( laughter )"
3817,15,Rick,: No! Don't flashback!
3818,15,Summer,: You're just gonna make more swelling.
3819,15,Beth,": Don't worry, Jerry. Just relax. We called the fire department."
3820,15,Jerry,": You know they won't come here anymore. ( grunting ) (Mr. Beauregard pours marmalade on Jerry, all gasp )"
3821,15,Mr. Beauregard,: Marmalade is served. (everybody cheers)
3822,15,Frankenstein,: I guess I take back what I said about British cuisine. ( laughter )
3823,15,Rick,: Take that!
3824,15,Sleepy Gary,: We're trying to sleep.
3825,15,Morty,: I don't want to go to the dance alone.
3826,15,Mr. Beauregard," (Off-screen): Then perhaps, you shouldn't."
3827,15,Beth,: Aww. Mr. Beauregard.
3828,15,Mr. Beauregard,": Shall we, master Morty?"
3829,15,Morty,: We shall.
3830,15,Beth,": Oh, wait, don't leave without letting photography raptor take a picture. ( raptor screeches ) ( camera shutter clicks ) ( cut back to the present, laughter )"
3831,15,Rick,": Everybody stop remembering! These parasites are like bed bugs, and every flashback is another mattress. Look! There's only supposed to be six people in this house."
3832,15,????,But there's always been 10.
3833,15,Rick,": No! Uh, the fact that I wrote this number down means that there's four parasites."
3834,15,Frankenstein,": You sure about that, Rick?"
3835,15,Mr. Beauregard,": Begging your pardon, master Rick, but I seem to recall a great deal of confusion surrounding that number."
3836,15,Rick,": All right, there's six of us, ( belches ) and that's it. Me, Morty, Jerry, Beth, Mr. Poopybutthole, Frankenstein, Sleepy Gary, Photography raptor, Mr. Beauregard, and Summer."
3837,15,Beth,": Uh, dad, that's like 10 people."
3838,15,Rick,": 6, 10, what's the difference? I just love the number 6 for no reason! Where's my pencil at?"
3839,15,Pencilvester,": Right here, Rick! Use me!"
3840,15,Rick,": Oh, thanks, Pencilvester! (writes the number 6 again) Yeah,I-I g-- I guess that is what happened, but I-I don't get why I would do that."
3841,15,Pencilvester,": Everybody makes mistakes, Rick. Why do you think I have one of these? ( laughter, camera shutter clicks )"
3842,15,Beth,": That's it. Photos. Hard evidence. (Beth scrolls through photos, becomes suspicious) You're not in any of my photos, Mr. Poopybutthole."
3843,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": Well, what do you know about this? You're not in any of mine."
3844,15,Summer,: All I have are pictures of me and my friends from school. (everybody else stares at Summer) What? What teenage girl has pictures of her family? It's not like we're mormon or dying.
3845,15,Frankenstein,: I will admit it's suspicious that Summer's only friend is a magic ballerina lamb that we've never seen.
3846,15,Tinkles,(Flashback)
3847,15,Summer,: Summer!
3848,15,Tinkles,: Tinkles! It's past my bedtime.
3849,15,Summer,": ( giggles ) Not in never past bedtime land! Here we go! ♪ Summer and Tinkles ♪ ♪ friends with each other ♪ ♪ living in never past bedtime land ♪ ♪ no kitchen sinkles ♪ ♪ no little brother ♪ ♪ going to raves and waving our hands ♪ (Rapper rapping ) ♪ Summer and tinkle, friends to the end ♪ ♪ group text the whole crew, my mother... Friends! ♪ ♪ ketchup to the salt, salt to the fry ♪ ♪ ""t"" to the ""inkle"" with a capital ""I"" ♪"
3850,15,Sleepy Gary,: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
3851,15,Summer,": Summer, we're trying to sleep."
3852,15,Rick,: It was Tinkles! Tinkes?
3853,15,Tinkles,": That is su-- [belches] -- suspicious. We're always hearing about this Tinkles character, but we never get to –"
3854,15,Summer,": Hi, everybody. I'm Tinkles, and these are my friends. ( all sigh )"
3855,15,Frankenstein,": See, everyone? Tinkles is real. That means so am I."
3856,15,Jerry,: I was on the wrong side of the pitchfork on this one.
3857,15,Sleepy Gary,": Okay, look, we shouldn't need evidence or logic to know who's family and who isn't. I know who the Smiths are. I've known Beth since high school. And her husband, Sleepy Gary, is hands down my absolute best friend."
3858,15,Rick,": Thanks, Jerry. Beyond that, no offense to any of you, but all bets are off."
3859,15,Summer,": Look, I'm not used to being this unsure for this long. I'm just gonna aim for shoulders starting with the weird girl. (Tries to shoot Summer)"
3860,15,Rick,: Aah! Grandpa Rick!
3861,15,Sleepy Gary,": Hold still, ""Summer."""
3862,15,Rick,": Rick, that is my daughter."
3863,15,Sleepy Gary,": Oh, yeah? Well, what if you just think that, Sleepy Gary? I've known you for 15 years. Don't make me hurt you."
3864,15,Rick,": Rick, these are our family and friends, the people we barbecue with. Have you forgotten the barbecue?"
3865,15,Hamurai,": Wait, why would you want me to -- You're one of them, aren't you?"
3866,15,Amish Cyborg,": Rick, you love those barbecues, Rick. You love them. Hai!"
3867,15,Rick,": Remember it, Rick?"
3868,15,All,": Shut up, Hamurai! Shut up, Amish Cyborg! What is this? '90s Conan?"
3869,15,Rick,: Remember the barbecue. Remember the barbecue. Remember the barbecue.
3870,15,Pencilvester,": You know what, Pencilvester? It took me my whole life to realize it, but I love barbecuing."
3871,15,Rick,": You're good at it, Rick."
3872,15,Pencilvester,": Watch me, baby. I'm like tom cruise from, um, ""cuisine"" or w-whatever that movie's called where he makes drinks. Yeah, check me out. I'm like tom cruise from ""cuisine."" ( chuckles ) yeah. Is that what it's called? ""cuisine""?"
3873,15,Rick,": Wow! Hey, everybody. Let's give it up for the grill master, Rick! Rick! Rick! Rick! ( all chanting ""Rick"" )"
3874,15,Sleepy Gary,": Wait. (cut back to the present, breathing heavily ) Noooooo! Shoot. Now look. It's like a ""Where's Waldo?"" page. Can you find me? Check out all these zany characters. We'll be right back after these messages."
3875,15,All,: I think you should put down the gun and we should get you to a doctor. What do you say we take down these blast shields?
3876,15,Rick,: Yeah.
3877,15,Pencilvester,": Can't do that, Sleepy Gary. All right, everybody listen to me. I don't know if any of you guys are real, but this house has been infested with fake loved ones that spread through fake memories, and our planet will be destroyed if they get out. ( grunts )"
3878,15,Rick,": But Rick, even you have to admit you do tend to overreact to stuff."
3879,15,Rick,": You guys, we got to hurry. I just got back from Walmart. They're selling Nintendo 3ds systems for $149.99 on sale, plus every time you buy one, you get a $50 gift card. Brings the total price down to $110 after tax. Now, listen, we can flip those sons of bitches for 230 bucks apiece easy! They're all limited-edition ""Zelda"" ones. Hurry! Hurry! Come with me! We can be rich, and we also all get to keep one and we can play nintendo games! Nintendo, give me free stuff."
3880,15,Pencilvester,": Okay, yes, I definitely remember doing that, but also, I would never do that"
3881,15,Jerry,": Don't overreact, Rick."
3882,15,Sleepy Gary,": Sleepy Gary, a word?"
3883,15,Jerry,": Sure, Jerry. Rick, keep a level head, okay? 'Cause I'll tell you a secret about Frankenstein -- He's actually Frankenstein's monster."
3884,15,Sleepy Gary,": Sleepy Gary, m-my head is filled with memories of our friendship. I'm convinced that you're Beth's husband and I'm your friend, but if those memories can't be trusted, then..."
3885,15,Jerry,": Jerry, just say it."
3886,15,Sleepy Gary,": Sleepy Gary, how do we know I'm real?"
3887,15,Sleepy Gary,": Jesus, Jerry. No, you're real. Hey, look at me. Now, I don't know which way is up out there, but I know us, and you're real, Jerry. Remember our vacation?"
3888,15,Jerry,": They're filming that new ""Star Wars"" movie down the coast. Should we check it out?"
3889,15,Sleepy Gary,": Sure. Why not? (Gary drinks, Jerry drops his bottle, both he and Gary reach for it)"
3890,15,Jerry,: Maybe we'll see Chewbacca.
3891,15,Sleepy Gary,: I'd like that. ( Kissing ) What are we doing?
3892,15,Jerry,: I don't give a damn what else happens out there. You and I are going to survive this.
3893,15,Frankenstein,": Okay. Hey, we agreed. Never in the house."
3894,15,Rick,": That's a cool watch there, Rick. Can I check it out?"
3895,15,Frankenstein,": Uh, no thank -- ( grunts ) Okay. Trying to figure out how to lower the blast shields, huh? Anybody here think it's suspicious that a lot of people in here can't wait to get out of here?"
3896,15,Rick,": Ah, you're paranoid, Rick. You've been paranoid since 'nam."
3897,15,Frankenstein,": So, what are you gonna do when you rotate back to the world, Frankenstein?"
3898,15,Rick,": Shi-i-i-i-t. I'mma bust a -- ( cut back to the present, Rick grunts )"
3899,15,All,": No! Get out of my head, parasite! No! Drop it. Give me the gun, Frankenstein! ( indistinct shouting ) Give it back!"
3900,15,Rick,: Yeah! ( applause ) Frankenstein!
3901,15,Reverse Giraffe,: ( breathing heavily ) Is anyone here even real? Am I the only real person on earth?!
3902,15,Hamurai,": Maybe. Or maybe, just maybe, we're all real. You know me. I'm reverse giraffe. I have a short neck and legs. I went to college with Hamurai."
3903,15,Reverse Giraffe,: Hai!
3904,15,Ghost in a Jar,: I saved Ghost In A Jar's life in Vietnam.
3905,15,Reverse Giraffe,: Boo rah!
3906,15,Beth,": And Beth, how many times have I been a shoulder for you to cry on?"
3907,15,Reverse Giraffe,: ( sighs ) Too many.
3908,15,Mrs. Refrigerator,": Okay, so maybe we're just all fake."
3909,15,Reverse Giraffe,: That don't make no sense!
3910,15,Rick,": Or maybe, there's only one deceiver here -- The person that keeps telling us the path to salvation is being held prisoner and mistrusting each other."
3911,15,Reverse Giraffe,": Hey, don't blame me! I tried to shoot Summer 10 minutes ago!"
3912,15,Morty,": I know we all have beloved memories of Rick, but are we really supposed to believe that a mad scientist inventor with a flying car just showed up on our doorstep after being gone for years?"
3913,15,Rick,": Yeah, you know, he does have a lot of really weird, made-up sounding catchphrases."
3914,15,All,": Wubba lubba dub dub! Ricky ticky tavi, beyotch! And that's the wa-a-a-a-y the news goes. Hit the sack, jack. Uh-oh! Somersault jump. Aids! And that's why I always say shum shum shlippedy dop! Grassss tastes bad-ah. No jumpin' in the sewer. Burger time! Rubber baby baby bunkers! Lick, lick, lick my balls! ( laughs ) yeah! Say that all the time."
3915,15,Beth,: ( muttering ) That's a fake-ass catchphrase right there.
3916,15,Rick,: And don't forget his incredibly vague back story.
3917,15,Beth,": Beth, I'm your father!"
3918,15,Morty,": Oh, are you, dad? Are you?"
3919,15,Rick,": Rick, if you want to prove you're real, just do what any of the rest of us would do and -- and -- and open the blast shields and let us the hell out of here!"
3920,15,Mrs. Refrigerator,": Why don't you make me, implausibly naive pubescent boy with an old Jewish comedy writer's name?"
3921,15,Morty,: In your face!
3922,15,Rick,": Give me the gun. (Looks at everyone else) I'm not doing this in front of Pencilvester. Bring him to the garage. ( all cheering ) All right, you listen to me, you son of a bitch parasite scum. We could either do this the easy way or the hard way. You know, y-y-y-- do you want to live? Then open the blast shield doors."
3923,15,Morty,": Shut up, Morty, you brainwashed, little turd that might not even be real because I'm brainwashed, too."
3924,15,Rick,": You know, Rick, this isn't easy for us. You know, w-we all remember you as a friend."
3925,15,Morty,": Oh, oh, oh, really? Well, I remember you as a whiny, little piece of shit, Morty!"
3926,15,Rick,": Oh -- oh, yeah?"
3927,15,Duck with Muscles,": Yeah! I've got about a thousand memories of your dumb, little ass and about six of them are pleasant. The rest is annoying garbage. So why don't you do us both a favor and pull the trigger? Do it! Do it, mother[bleep] Pull the [bleep] trigger!"
3928,15,Rick,": Oh, wow. Baby Wizard was a parasite? He set me up with my wife."
3929,15,Morty,: What the hell?
3930,15,Rick,": I figured it out, Rick! The parasites can only create pleasant memories. I know you're real because I have a ton of bad memories with you!"
3931,15,Morty,": Holy crap, Morty, you're right."
3932,15,Rick,: Is -- is -- isn't that what you were trying to make me understand by yelling at me?
3933,15,Rick,": Well, yeah, duh-doy. T-took you long enough. (Rick turns the dial on the washing machine, the wall draws back to reveal a set of guns)"
3934,15,Morty,": Now let's go, Morty. We got a lot of friends and family to exterminate. ( grunts )"
3935,15,Rick,: Everybody remain calm! This is gonna take some explaining.
3936,15,Mrs. Refrigerator,: We need to kill everyone that we can only remember fondly. Who's got a bad memory about Mrs. Refrigerator?
3937,15,Beth,": I-I-I-I -- everyone has bad memories of me. You remember that one time? (flashback, Beth, Jerry, Mrs. Refrigerator and a lot of other people on a roller coaster, screaming, cut back to the present) Ooh, man, we couldn't stop screaming."
3938,15,Mrs. Refrigerator,": Uh, roller coasters aren't bad, Mrs. Refrigerator. They're thrilling. And you've been a perfect companion to me my entire life."
3939,15,Rick,: The jig is up! ( whimpering ) get me out of here. Get me out of here! Aah! ( screeching ) ( all gasping ) Oh [bleep]
3940,15,Summer,": Everybody back! If you're not a parasite, you have nothing to fear. What about Summer?"
3941,15,Summer,: Why am I always your go-to?
3942,15,Morty,: Never go in my room again.
3943,15,Summer,: I didn't! (Cut back to the present) She's real. She's my bitch of a sister.
3944,15,Beth,": Nice. (Flashback) Mom, are you driving me to --"
3945,15,Summer,": Hmm? Yeah, yeah, yes. What time?"
3946,15,Beth,": Oh, my god. Are you drunk?"
3947,15,Summer,": ( belches ) * slurring * What're you, my life coach?"
3948,15,Beth,": Your what? Oh! God! Oh. Oh, my gosh. Oh! God! Mom!"
3949,15,Summer,": Sweetheart, are you okay? I didn't mean to --"
3950,15,Beth,: I'm gonna have a bruise! It's picture day!
3951,15,Summer,": It's not, don't overreact. I can clean it up."
3952,15,Summer,: ( sobs ) I want the police to take me!
3953,15,Beth,": Morty, give a gun to the lady that got pregnant with me too early and constantly makes it our problem."
3954,15,Cross Teddy Bear,": Thank you, sweetie."
3955,15,Beth,": Beth, Beth, please!"
3956,15,Rick,": I thought it was too good to be true that we'd have compatible kidneys. (shoots the bear, parasite screeches ) ( guns cock ) ( screaming ) ( blasting ) ( screeching )"
3957,15,Pencilvester,": (Corners Pencilvester) Come on, man. Haven't we ever had an uncomfortable silence or an awkward fart on a road trip? Come on, Pencilvester. Give me anything."
3958,15,Rick,": Rick, I'm Pencilvester. Listen to that name. You can't kill me."
3959,15,Tinkles,: You're right. (To Morty) Kill Pencilvester.
3960,15,Summer,": Summer, I've always loved you!"
3961,15,Summer,": Yep. (Shoots Tinkles, parasite screeches ) ( all gasp, Summer shoots ) ( more screeching ) (Morty shouts)"
3962,15,Morty,": Oh, my god!"
3963,15,Summer,: I-I-I thought you went to a concert!
3964,15,Morty,: We forgot the tickets! Why in the kitchen?!
3965,15,Summer,: I do it everywhere! Stop shaming me!
3966,15,Morty,: You're not the victim here!
3967,15,Summer,": I hate you, and I was thinking about your friend Grace!"
3968,15,Mr. Beauregard,": Aaaaaah! (cut back to the present, more shooting, parasites screeching )"
3969,15,Rick,": Ah. Master Rick. Remember when you weren't going to shoot me? (Rick shoots Mr. Beauregard, parasite screeches )"
3970,15,Ghost in a Jar,: I guess I did the butler! Ha ha! Does -- d-does that scan?
3971,15,Rick,": Oh, I-I get it. It's a play on ""the butler did it."""
3972,15,Jerry,": Thanks, ghost in a jar. You always were good at pointing out potentially obscure comedy. (shoots ghost in a jar, parasite screeches ) ( screeches )"
3973,15,Sleepy Gary,": You got to hide me, Sleepy Gary."
3974,15,Jerry,": Don't worry. I have a plan. If we can get to my boat, there's a -- (Beth shoots Sleepy Gary, Gary slowly turns back into a parasite, screeches )"
3975,15,Beth,": No. No! Send me to Gary. I want to be with Gary. (Flashback, Jerry is running away from a hobo)"
3976,15,Jerry,: Whoa. What the hell?
3977,15,Beth,: Look out for that homeless guy!
3978,15,Jerry,: Open the door! Open the door! Open the door!
3979,15,Beth,: There isn't time! Just run!
3980,15,Jerry,: ( grunts ) Get out here and help me!
3981,15,Beth,: They say you shouldn't do that! Just run!
3982,15,Jerry,": Ugh. Sorry, Jerry. You're real."
3983,15,Beth,: ( crying ) I'm a parasite!
3984,15,Jerry,": Yeah, but you're real."
3985,15,Beth,: (tries to kiss Beth)
3986,15,Jerry,": Uh, uh, I need time to forget about Sleepy Gary."
3987,15,Rick,": Me, too. ( Rick opens the blast shields )"
3988,15,Jerry,": From now on, let's all be careful to wash our hands when we get back from outer space. That goes for everyone."
3989,15,Rick,: This is depressing. We killed every good person in the house. We're what's left? What a family.
3990,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": At least we're real, Jerry. We're real. Ricky ticky tavi!"
3991,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": Ooh, whee! Amen to that. Now, this little poopypants is hungry. Will somebody pass me a pork chop? ( chomping )"
3992,15,Rick,": Huh. I-is -- is something wrong, Beth? (Beth shoots Mr. Poopybutthole) Ow! ( screams ) oh, my god!"
3993,15,Beth,": No, Beth! Oh [bleep]"
3994,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": Wait, but I --"
3995,15,Jerry,": Oh, Beth! Why?!"
3996,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": I need an ambulance! There's been a shooting. My wife shot... Uh, my -- my wife shot a long-time family friend."
3997,15,Summer,: Why?
3998,15,Beth,": Oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god, Mr. Poopybutthole."
3999,15,Morty,: I-I thought --
4000,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,: Keep breathing!
4001,15,Morty,": Oh, god. What's happening?"
4002,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,: Look at me! Look at me! Don't -- don't fall asleep!
4003,15,Rick,": Is -- is this what bleeding to death is? Oh, whee. Is this how I die?"
4004,15,Mr. Poopybutthole,": Oh, geez! Oh, my god!"
4005,15,Beth,": Why would you do this? Beth. It's not supposed to hurt. I-I thought... ( siren wails ) Ooh, whee."
4006,15,Rick,": Oh, he -- he's looking a lot better."
4007,15,Beth,": Listen, Beth, don't torture yourself. I made a similar mistake years ago, but, you know, on a planetary scale."
4008,15,Rick,": Is, um, is he mad at me?"
4009,15,Beth,": He's not pressing charges. I mean, that's got to be the ""you shot me"" equivalent of not being mad."
4010,15,Doctor,: Can he have visitors?
4011,15,Rick,": He'd like to be alone. He told me to tell you he's sorry you didn't have bad memories of him? If you love him, you should leave. ( door closes )"
4012,16,Man,": Hey, golf is easy now!"
4013,16,Man,: Aahh! Golf is hard again! Golf is hard agaaaaaaain!
4014,16,Terry,": The view here is the same as yours, Jim. A giant head has entered Earth’s gravity, triggering climate change and natural disasters we thought were impossible for at least another eight years."
4015,16,Jim,": (in news studio) Let’s not make this political, Terry. Do we know what this giant head wants?"
4016,16,Giant Head,: SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.
4017,16,Terry,": Jim, you heard *static* said, “Show me what you got.”"
4018,16,Giant Head,": SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT. I WANT TO SEE WHAT YOU GOT. (lamp post falls over, Terry runs out of frame)"
4019,16,Rick,": Oh boy. Time to go, Morty."
4020,16,Morty,": Uhh, where?"
4021,16,Rick,": The Pentagon. I mean, not THE Pentagon. *burp* The lame one, here on Earth."
4022,16,Summer,": Is it God? If it’s God, do we get out of school?"
4023,16,Beth,": It’s not God, Summer."
4024,16,Jerry,": She’s allowed to think it’s God if she wants, honey!"
4025,16,Beth,": Shut up, Jerry."
4026,16,Jerry,: Ok…
4027,16,Beth,": Dad, what do you know about this?"
4028,16,Rick,: Morty and I are going to look into it. You guys hold tight.
4029,16,Mr. Goldenfold,": Scary stuff, huh? Pretty freaky. Hi, I’m Morty’s math teacher. I’m also part of the street team inviting folks to the church downtown so we can pray together."
4030,16,Beth,: How is praying going to help?
4031,16,Mr. Goldenfold,": Ma’am, a giant head in the sky is controlling the weather. Did you wanna play checkers? Let’s be rational! I’ll see you at God’s house! (leaves)"
4032,16,President,": Gentlemen, gentlemen, one at a time! Simon?"
4033,16,Simon,": SETI, NORAD, and every broadcaster on the planet are attempting to show this being what humanity’s got. String theory, world history, the human genome."
4034,16,Nathan,": Have you tried sending it launch codes? Mr. President, what America’s got is 70,000 megatons of KABOOM-BOOM! And I say we show it right up this floating head’s ass!"
4035,16,Guards,: Hold it! Don’t move! (they approach Rick and Morty with guns)
4036,16,Rick,: Stay back! This watch turns people into snakes!
4037,16,President,: Stand down. Everybody stand down! I’m the leader of these people and I’m unarmed. There’s no need for any more snake-makery.
4038,16,Rick,: My name is Rick Sanchez. This here’s my grandson Morty. (drinks from flask)
4039,16,Everyone,": Hi, Morty."
4040,16,Morty,: Hey.
4041,16,Rick,": I’ve seen enough of the galaxy to know that what we’ve got here is a Cromulon from the Cygnus-5 Expanse. So you can forget about nukes, and you can forget about math. (points to viewscreen showing floating head) This head won’t go away until *burp* Earth shows them it’s got a hit song."
4042,16,Everyone,": Seriously, that’s impossible, etc…"
4043,16,Simon,: You mean like Vivaldi?
4044,16,Rick,": No, Frasier. A live performance of a newly-written, catchy, original song. The Cromulon feed on the talent and showmanship of less-evolved lifeforms."
4045,16,President,": All right, all right. Thank you, Mr. Sanchez. Change of plan, people. Get me Pharrell, Randy Newman, Billy Corgan, and The-Dream. (no one responds) The-Dream? He wrote “Umbrella” and “Single Ladies”? You people haven’t heard of The-Dream?"
4046,16,Rick,: You’re gonna wanna put them on that giant speaker system at your sonic testing facility at Area 51.
4047,16,Nathan,: How do you know about that?
4048,16,President,": For God’s sake, Nathan, the man turns people into snakes. He can use Google Maps."
4049,16,Aide,": Sir! Pharrell, Newman, Corgan, and that Dream guy. They’re all dead."
4050,16,President,: What? How is that possible? Do people just die when I name them?
4051,16,Aide,": The Grammys, sir. There was an earthquake and all the musicians... (sniffs, holding back tears) All the famous ones, they’re gone."
4052,16,President,: Dear God.
4053,16,Aide,": Hold on, sir, just a minute. Ice-T survived. He’s inbound on an F-15, ETA two hours."
4054,16,Rick,": Good luck, Mr. President."
4055,16,Simon,": Sir, the magnetic poles are about to reverse. In two hours, there may not be an Earth to save."
4056,16,President,: Sanchez! Are you a musician?
4057,16,Rick,": I dabble, Mr. President."
4058,16,President,: Get this man and his grandson on a Blackhawk to Area 51.
4059,16,Pastor Bob,": People! Everyone! Remain calm! Every crisis of faith is an opportunity for more faith! When God deals you an 11, you don’t fold! You double down, and always hit on a soft 16. That means you, Jews."
4060,16,Jew,": I beg your pardon, pastor, but the last I looked outside, it seems to be you that’s been dealt the weak hand. Jews rule! (no one responds) Nobody? Ok, tough church."
4061,16,Principal Vagina," Hi, Principal Vagina. The name’s real, possibly Scandinavian. I’m just gonna come out and make this pitch. The old gods are dead. F*** all previous existing religions. All hail the one true god, the giant head in the sky."
4062,16,Principal Vagina," Ah, di di di di. (to Bob) Bob, Bob, I get it. But unless this (holds up a necklace with a cross) can beat that… what have you done for me lately? (tosses necklace to Bob) So if you wanna excuse me, I’m going out on the sidewalk and dropping to my knees and pledging my eternal soul to the thing that literally controls the f***ing weather! (walks out) Outta my way!"
4063,16,Pastor Bob,": Ok, if sanity’s been restored to this assembly, I’d like to talk about the cost of repairing our new organ. Sally, the plate, please."
4064,16,Mr. Goldenfold,": (holds up a dollar) Ohhhh, this is my favorite part!"
4065,16,Morty,": Rick, are you really a musician?"
4066,16,Rick,": Who’s NOT a musician, Morty?"
4067,16,Morty,: Me!
4068,16,Rick,": Yeah, not with that attitude."
4069,16,Jump Master," We’re in the drop zone! I’m the jump master! My name’s Jamey! With an E-Y! Go, go, go! (Rick slides down rope)"
4070,16,Morty,: B-b-but we don’t have a song!
4071,16,Principal Vagina," Giant head in the sky, please forgive all that we’ve done. We’re sorry for increased levels of emissions and our racism. And of course, the amber alerts I keep ignoring on my phone."
4072,16,Rick,: WhooooOOOOAHHHH!!!!
4073,16,Morty,: WhooooOOOOAHHHH!!!!
4074,16,Rick,": (picks up a microphone) All right, Morty, let’s get ready to do it! Why don’t you, uh, find a button on one of those keyboards and lay down some kind of beat?"
4075,16,Morty,": Rick, I think we need to cut our losses. We get our family and portal out of here!"
4076,16,Rick,": Morty! Good music comes from people who are relaxed. Just hit a button, Morty! Gimme a beat!"
4077,16,Morty,": Oh man, ok, all right, um…"
4078,16,Rick,": Ahhhhh yeahhhhh

Ya gotta get schwifty

(Morty starts beating a tambourine in rhythm)

Ya gotta get schwifty in here

It’s time to get schwifty"
4079,16,Nathan,: Get… schwifty? What the hell is that?
4080,16,President,": It’s our world’s best effort, that’s what."
4081,16,Rick,": Take off your pants and your panties

Shit on the floor

Time to get schwifty in here

I’m Mr. Bulldops"
4082,16,Nathan,: Mr. Bulldops?
4083,16,President,": Don’t analyze it, Nathan. It’s working!"
4084,16,Rick,": Take a shit on the floor

Time to get schwifty in here"
4085,16,Pastor Bob,: And third-level donors get our all access family pass.
4086,16,Summer,: Listen! The storm is stopping!
4087,16,Rick,": Hey, take your pants off

It’s schwifty time today"
4088,16,Giant Head,: Hmmmm.
4089,16,Principal Vagina, Please be kind to us for we are but tiny things with entire bodies stuck to your ground.
4090,16,Giant Head,: I LIKE WHAT YOU GOT. GOOD JOB.
4091,16,Beth,": Now hold on a second, let’s be rational about this."
4092,16,Beth,": No, I’m… I’m just saying, we don’t know if there’s a cause-effect relationship --"
4093,16,Beth,": Oh, God, what’s going on now?"
4094,16,President,: What the hell happened?
4095,16,Aide,": Mr. President, you’re gonna wanna see this."
4096,16,Rick,: I think planet Earth has just been transported.
4097,16,Principal Vagina, The head has left and sent its children!
4098,16,Beth,: Holy CRAP!
4099,16,Summer,": Oh dear giant head, we apologize for that discussion! It will never happen again!"
4100,16,Simon,": Sir, we’ve started picking up on a garbled signal. We’re decrypting it now."
4101,16,Cromulon," WE ASKED THEM TO SHOW US WHAT THEY GOT. AND THEY DID. NOW WE’LL SEE WHICH OF THEM HAS GOT THE MOST. 24 HOURS, FIVE PLANETS, FIVE SONGS. BUT IN THE END, THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE. PLANET MUSIC! All participation is involuntary. Disqualified and losing planets are disintegrated by plasma ray."
4102,16,Rick,": Uhh, it’s probably a bad time to mention it, but any astronauts you guys had in orbit are definitely dead."
4103,16,Cromulon," Welcome back to Planet Music! First up, let’s hear the latest song from planet Parblesnops. The Greebybobes! SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT."
4104,16,Greebybobe," Hold it, hold it, stop! Music isn’t about competition or captivity! If you love music, you love freedom. Let these worlds be free, please!"
4105,16,Cromulon, DISQUALIFIED!
4106,16,Cromulon, There’s one every season. Moving on to planet Arbolez Meterosos. Arbolian Meterososians. SHOW US WHAT YOU GOT.
4107,16,Arbolian Meterososian," Ah two, three, four…"
4108,16,Aide,": Rick, Morty, Ice-T. The timetable’s moved up. Earth’s on in six hours."
4109,16,Morty,: Like we’re not already under enough pressure! (Morty flips a bowl of peanuts at the aide and it hits him in the head. The aide leaves.)
4110,16,Rick,: Whoa ho ho ho ho!
4111,16,Ice-T,: Whoa ho ho ho ho!
4112,16,Rick,": Geez, Morty. The guy’s just doing his job. Take it easy."
4113,16,Morty,": Rick, Ice-T, could you guys take it less easy?! We’ve got six hours to come up with a song!"
4114,16,Rick,": Genius happens in the moment, Morty. (walks over to keyboard)"
4115,16,Morty,": Well, can we at least go get our family? You know, so we can take them with-with-with us if we lose?"
4116,16,Rick,": That’s planning for failure, Morty. Even dumber than regular planning. (presses a button on the keyboard) Balls."
4117,16,Rick,": Morty, Morty, stop! Listen! There’s only so much charge left in this thing. If we portal home from here and back, we’re not gonna have enough charge left to get off-world. Get it?"
4118,16,Morty,: What?!
4119,16,Rick,": Yeah, *burp* you see, I try to shelter you from certain realities, *burp* Morty. Cause if I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty."
4120,16,Morty,: Stop saying it like it’s a thing! You made it up!
4121,16,Rick,": Hey, Morty! Could you lick my… (Rick presses keys on the keyboard with the sample of him saying “Balls”)"
4122,16,Morty,": Rick, cut it out! That’s not funny, Rick!"
4123,16,Nathan,: I’ve seen enough. These guys are one-hit wonders.
4124,16,President,": And what’s your plan, General?"
4125,16,Nathan,": We still have the nuclear option. On my word, we can launch a nuclear missile at every one of those heads in the sky."
4126,16,President,": Our planet’s held captive on a live game show and your solution is to shoot the audience? You can put your faith in nukes if we get through this, General. Until then, I’ll put mine in Rick and Morty. “Get Schwifty” was a jam."
4127,16,Principal Vagina," Hello? Yes sir, yeah. Thank you sir, thank you. He says he’s proud of what we’re doing and hopes we have a great Ascension Festival! Happy Ascension!"
4128,16,All, Happy Ascension!
4129,16,Beth,: We should pack up and leave town now.
4130,16,Jerry,": I think it’s inspiring that our community is coping with fear in a way that involves a festival and homemade ice cream. If you’d stop being such an evangelical atheist, you might start enjoying yourself."
4131,16,Jerry,: Whoa! Look at you! You’re wearing the hat and everything!
4132,16,Summer,": Here’s yours! (puts hat on Jerry) Mom, do you mind if I cook dinner tonight?"
4133,16,Beth,": Yeah, sure. Wait, what??"
4134,16,Summer,: I love you guys. You gave me life. And it’s the will of the many heads that all children honor their parents.
4135,16,Beth,: Dinner sounds nice.
4136,16,Ethan," Pardon, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Summer, are you coming to the Ascension?"
4137,16,Summer,": Father, can we please go to the Ascension?"
4138,16,Jerry,: Sure! Let’s go to the Ascension. Wh-wh-what is it?
4139,16,Principal Vagina," We hereby send these un-wantables skyward that they might be inhaled by the many heads, later to be sneezed back to us as better babies! (cuts first rope) Headward, free now to rise. (cuts second rope) Headward, free now to rise. (cuts third rope) Headward, free now to rise."
4140,16,Summer,": Oh yes, yes! Rise to the giant head! You are free to be free!"
4141,16,Ice-T," A squeegee comes up from the garage, right? And he’s got a lobster in one hand and movie tickets in the other. He’s like, “I’m ready!”"
4142,16,Ice-T, Who would take a lobster to see Iron Man 3?
4143,16,Ice-T," Aw, damn. We’re out of original flavor Fig Newtons. I should get going anyway."
4144,16,Rick,": Wait, wait, wait! Come on, h-hold on a second!"
4145,16,Morty,: What?!
4146,16,Ice-T, Damn. You didn’t tell me you f*** around with portals and shit.
4147,16,Morty,: That’s it!
4148,16,Rick,": Whoa, whoa! Morty! Give me that!"
4149,16,Morty,: You lied! You lied about the charge! You were just being lazy! Get back! Sit down!
4150,16,Rick,": Morty, just put it down. You don’t know what you’re doing."
4151,16,Morty,: I’m going to go find Mom and Dad.
4152,16,Rick,: Nooooo!
4153,16,Rick,": Ahhhh, sh**!"
4154,16,President,": Ah, sh**."
4155,16,Morty,": Ahhh, sh**."
4156,16,Summer,: And then Ethan played guitar and we learned the Seven Contemplations of the Head by singing them. It was really fun. Praise be the head!
4157,16,Jerry,: Praise be the…
4158,16,Beth,: Praise be the…
4159,16,Jerry,: Yeah.
4160,16,Principal Vagina," Hi folks, Head Priest Vagina. Thanks for farming all those potatoes. It’s 6 p.m., so if you’re a parent, you’re now entitled to adoration from your children."
4161,16,Summer,: I’m going to start dinner! (walks into the house)
4162,16,Beth,: I don’t know what to say. Summer is doing really well here.
4163,16,Jerry,": She’s aced every test in potato class, and look how important potatoes have become."
4164,16,Beth,: She’s not getting pregnant or doing drugs or missing curfew…
4165,16,Balloon Man,: Please help me! You can reach me if you try. Please help me!!
4166,16,Beth,: That’s not our business as long as Summer is thriving!
4167,16,Summer,: Taco time! (Summer pulls off the lid to reveal exactly 12 tacos.) I hope it pleases you as the head desires.
4168,16,Beth,": That’s wonderful, Summer!"
4169,16,Jerry,": We’re so proud of you. But honestly, you don’t have to make dinner every night."
4170,16,Summer,": Of course I do, silly! (gasps and drops lid) Oh my God, daddy, I’m sorry I called you silly! I’m so sorry! (turns around and drops to knees) Heavenly head and cranial creator! Forgive my transgressions against family and community! May my chores complete me as I complete them!"
4171,16,Birdperson,: Morty.
4172,16,Morty,: Birdperson?
4173,16,Birdperson,": You appear to be dying. I will make efforts to prevent this, but can promise nothing."
4174,16,Rick,": Wh-What do you think, Ice? Probably a little over-developed."
4175,16,Ice-T," Shit. Over-developed, under-developed. Bad songs are bad songs."
4176,16,Rick,": Well, do you think maybe, could you give me some help with it, or… ?"
4177,16,Ice-T," Ah, hell no, man. You do your thing, but I can’t afford to get my pride wrapped up in your shame. You know what I’m sayin’?"
4178,16,Rick,": Ice, I don’t want to be a negative Nelly or anything, but *burp* if Morty doesn’t come back with my portal gun and I eat it out there, it’s, uh, kind of your problem too."
4179,16,Ice-T," Pfff. I ain’t worried about no Earth blowin’ up, man."
4180,16,Rick,: What? Why not?
4181,16,Ice-T," Yo, this is why."
4182,16,Rick,: What the f***? You can turn into ice?
4183,16,Ice-T," My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium. There, every being is a letter of the alphabet. But I was frozen and exiled to the cosmos by my elders as punishment for not caring enough about anything. Earth is just one of the many stops on my lifelong journey with no destination. So you better believe I don’t care if it blows up! Cause I’ll just be ice, floatin’ through space, like a comet!"
4184,16,Rick,": Take it from me, Ice. *burp* You can’t just *burp* float around space not caring about stuff forever."
4185,16,Ice-T," Pshhhh. Man, watch me. Good luck, Rick."
4186,16,President,": Ok, things are getting out of hand. I better make sure Rick has everything he needs to “get schwifty.”"
4187,16,Nathan,": Oh, for God’s sake, that’s enough."
4188,16,President,": What the hell are you doing, Nathan? I’m the goddamn President of the United f***in’ States!"
4189,16,Nathan,": I’m setting the nuclear option to launch one minute into Earth’s performance. And you, Mr. President, I hope you like being hit in the face with a gun!"
4190,16,President,": Wait, wait, wait, why-why --"
4191,16,Birdperson,: I believe I can access the history of Rick’s gun and help you get back to him.
4192,16,Morty,": But can you help me get to my family? You know, at my house?"
4193,16,Birdperson,": Is your intention to abandon Rick using his own portal gun? In bird culture, this is considered a dick move."
4194,16,Morty,": All of Rick’s moves are dick moves! Wh-what am I eating? What is this, bird seed?"
4195,16,Birdperson,: It is random debris. I found it in my carpet. I don’t know what humans eat.
4196,16,Tammy,: You know what THIS human eats!
4197,16,Birdperson,": Don’t be gross, Tammy."
4198,16,Tammy,: (leans over to Morty and whispers) Bird… d***.
4199,16,Morty,": Tammy… gross. Birdperson, you always stick up for Rick, but he doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He doesn’t think about the consequences of anything he does."
4200,16,Birdperson,": And as a result, he has the power to save or destroy entire worlds. And he is the reason you and I know each other. And the reason I’m alive at all."
4201,16,Morty,: What’s that? Who’s that baby?
4202,16,Birdperson,": Morty, suppose you could retrieve your family from Earth but had to abandon Rick. I could give your loved ones shelter on Birdworld, even jobs, possibly as worm ranchers. How often do you think you might look up at the stars and wonder what might have been had you just put your faith in Rick?"
4203,16,Cromulon," That was Chunky Tunk with “Full Ming Mong, Empty Gorp Dorp.” Up next, planet Earth!"
4204,16,Morty,: Oh God! We’re up?!?!
4205,16,Principal Vagina," Jerry and Beth, your family is a golden example of what Headism has to offer the world."
4206,16,Beth,: The world?
4207,16,Principal Vagina, Headism is a hit. We’re taking it worldwide and would like Jerry to be our church’s “Head” of Advertising.
4208,16,Jerry,: You… would?
4209,16,Principal Vagina," Beth, we’d like to promote you from horse surgeon, straight past human surgeon, to “Head” of Medicine."
4210,16,Beth,: That’s my dream! That’s my dream.
4211,16,Jerry,": Thank you. This is all so overwhelming, but, uh… we can’t."
4212,16,Beth,: Absolutely not.
4213,16,Principal Vagina, I’m sorry?
4214,16,Beth,": We’ve been waiting 16 years for our daughter to respect us, but the key is, it has to be “our” daughter, not this person she’s become."
4215,16,Jerry,: We’ll take our chances raising her without fancy new jobs outside of a potato-based religion. (turns and puts his hands on Beth’s shoulders) And you know what? I’m sick of pretending that we’re together because of the kids in the first place! I married you because you’re the love of my life!
4216,16,Beth,": (puts her hands on Jerry’s sides) And I‘m lucky to have you and I never tell you that! You know, we will come out of this stronger as a family!"
4217,16,Beth,": Please don’t do this, please don’t do this! Summer!"
4218,16,Jerry,": Summer, listen carefully. I stole a paper clip and I have it in my cheek but I don’t know what to do with it and it hurts."
4219,16,Summer,: You’re going to be ok! (ties another balloon to them) You will come back as babies!
4220,16,Jerry,: I AM a baby! I’m a baby NOW!
4221,16,Morty,: Hello? Is anybody here? (looks through the studio window and sees the President tied up) Mr. President!
4222,16,President,: This is Bluebird. Code tango-niner-alpha. Abort launch. Abort! Hello? (releases button) He’s blocked me out.
4223,16,Morty,": Sir, I need to get to the stage and help Rick get schwifty!"
4224,16,President,": It won’t matter how schwifty you get, Morty. The General’s got nukes set to launch halfway through Earth’s song!"
4225,16,Morty,: Oh my God! C-c-can you fly a Blackhawk?
4226,16,President,: Can the Pope’s d*** fit through a donut?
4227,16,Morty,": Uhhh, I’m not sure?"
4228,16,President,: Exactly!
4229,16,Cromulon, SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT.
4230,16,Rick,": Ahem. (starts a low-key, bouncy song) Uhhh… lop-oo-lop-oo-lop-oo-dups, nop-oo-nop-oo-nop-oo-nuts."
4231,16,Principal Vagina, Headward free now to rise!
4232,16,Mr. Goldenfold,: Hey! Look at the heads! Looks like the heads are gettin’ angry!
4233,16,President,": I’m really bad at this, Morty! There are way too many buttons on this thing!"
4234,16,Morty,": Mr. President, if I’ve learned one thing today, it’s that sometimes, you have to not give a f***!"
4235,16,Rick,": Nup-oo-nup-oo-nup-oo-nups… ooh, tough crowd."
4236,16,Principal Vagina, I’m sure that has… that has nothing to do with this.
4237,16,Summer,: The heads are displeased! (She jumps and grabs Beth and Jerry’s legs.)
4238,16,Ethan, Summer! (He jumps and grabs her.)
4239,16,Rick,: Morty!
4240,16,Mr. Goldenfold,: The heads love this! They love it when we DON’T kill the Smith family!
4241,16,Principal Vagina, No! Stop that! You’re not allowed to interpret the will of the heads!
4242,16,President,: Call off the nuclear strike! This is the President. Stop the nuclear missile launch!
4243,16,Nathan,: Just launch the missiles!
4244,16,Cromulon, BOO! NOT COOL!
4245,16,Principal Vagina, I’m the only one that speaks to the heads!
4246,16,Cromulon, DISQUALIFIED!
4247,16,Mr. Goldenfold,: The heads disqualified Vagina! Get him!
4248,16,Cromulon, DISQUALIFIED! DISQUALIFIED!
4249,16,All, Ice-T?
4250,16,Ice-T," That’s right, it’s me, Ice-T! I care now! You made me care more! With all due respect, I’d like to hear what Rick and Morty have to play."
4251,16,Morty,": What do you say, Rick?"
4252,16,Rick,: I say… (grabs mic) Let’s do it!
4253,16,Rick,: All right!
4254,16,Morty,: Ohhhh yeahhhh!
4255,16,Rick,": Come on, here we go!"
4256,16,Morty,: Ohhhh yeahhhh!
4257,16,Rick,: Say it with me!
4258,16,All," Head bent over

Raised up posterior

Head bent over (ahh yeah)

Raised up posterior"
4259,16,Principal Vagina, Ohhh my GOOOOODDDD!!!
4260,16,All," Head bent over (yeah)

Raised up posterior (oh yeah)

Head bent over (oh yeah)

(Raised up posterior!)"
4261,16,Cromulon," After 988 seasons of Planet Music, the Cromulons have decided to declare Earth the final winner and bring our musical reality show to a conclusion. Goodbye!"
4262,16,All," Yeah, we did it!"
4263,16,Mr. Goldenfold,: Did he just say “musical reality show”?
4264,16,Jerry,": Yeah, it’s possible that we may have been correlating some things that weren’t actually related at all."
4265,16,Principal Vagina, HEEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!
4266,16,Beth,: We should go get him.
4267,16,President,": I hope I can call on you again if we need you, Morty."
4268,16,Morty,: Sure thing! And I was kinda hoping that I could get a selfie with you?
4269,16,President,": Actually, if you try to tell anyone what happened here, we’ll deny it and probably worse."
4270,16,Morty,: Understood.
4271,16,Nathan,: DIIIIEEEE!!!!
4272,16,President,: Why didn’t he turn into a snake?
4273,16,Rick,": Trade secret, Mr. President. Particle beam in a wristwatch… snake holster on the leg."
4274,16,President,: I love this man!
4275,16,Ice-T," Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father."
4276,16,Magnesium-J,: Word of your selfless acts on the Earth planet have travelled across the galaxy.
4277,16,Ice-T, I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium.
4278,16,Magnesium-J,: Very well. Your exile ends today!
4279,16,Magnesium-J,: Welcome home... Water-T.
4280,16,Purple-P,: The Numbericons! They’re attacking!
4281,16,Magnesium-J,: Battle stations!
4282,16,Water-T,: Father!
4283,16,Magma-Q,: I love you son. I should have never turned you to ice. (He dies.)
4284,16,Magnesium-J,": Water-T, where are you going? There’s too many of them!"
4285,16,Water-T,: Then I better crunch the numbers.
4286,17,Morty," Geez, I can't believe we found a version of Earth with a "
4287,17,Summer," I can't believe the things this reality considers PG-13
"
4288,17,Morty:," Yeah, I'm pretty jealous.
"
4289,17,Rick," Don't be Morty, there are pros and cons to every reality, fun facts about this one; it's got giant telepathic spiders, eleven 9/11's, aaaand "
4290,17,Summer:," Shut up!
"
4291,17,Rick:, We're gonna go get some ice-
4292,17,Rick:," Oh great.
"
4293,17,Morty:," Oh boy. W-what's wrong Rick, is it the quantum carburettor or something?
"
4294,17,Rick:," Quantum carburettor? Jesus Morty; you can't just add a sci fi word to a car word and hope it means something. Huh, it looks like something's wrong with the microverse battery - we're going to have to go inside.
"
4295,17,Morty:," Uhm. Go inside what?
"
4296,17,Rick:, The 
4297,17,Summer:," Wait! You can't leave me here!
"
4298,17,Rick:," You'll be fine. Ship, keep Summer safe.
"
4299,17,Ship:," Keep. Summer. Safe.
"
4300,17,Summer:," Egh, wonderful.
"
4301,17,Man:," Hey, excuse me, hello?
"
4302,17,Summer:," Uhmm...
"
4303,17,Man:, What you think you're better than me? Nobody's better than 
4304,17,Summer:," Agh! Aghaaaa!
"
4305,17,Ship:," Keep. Summer. Safe.
"
4306,17,Thinner Man:," Hey man, what the hell! That was my daughter's paediatrician!
Uagha!
"
4307,17,Summer:," No! Stop, don't kill him!
"
4308,17,Ship:," Confirmed.
"
4309,17,Thinner Man:, Uaghuu. Ugh. Uh. Oh God! I can't feel my legs! Help! 
4310,17,Ship:," Summer is safe.
"
4311,17,Summer:," I don't feel safe.
"
4312,17,Ship:," Confirmed.
"
4313,17,Thinner Man:," Oh God help me! Help me! help me please! You can help me.
"
4314,17,Morty:," Oh man. Where are we Rick?
"
4315,17,Rick:," Morty, remember eight seconds ago when -burp- when you said 'go inside what' and I said 'the battery' and then we showed up here?
"
4316,17,Rick,": Morty, remember eight seconds ago when [Burps] when you said, ""Go inside what?"" And I said, ""The battery""? And then we showed up here, and I wasn't like, ""Whoa, this is unexpected. This is not what I was expecting, Morty. What a perplexing mystery this is.""
"
4317,17,Morty,": All right, all right. We're inside the battery. I get it. You don't have to bust my balls.
"
4318,17,Rick,": Huh, this isn't right. This pipe's supposed to be sending 20 terawatts of juice up to the engine, Morty.
"
4319,17,Rick,": Instead we've got... zero? Now what are these people doing?
"
4320,17,Morty,": W-w-w-whoa, people? [Groans]
"
4321,17,Rick,": It's time for some hands-on engine repair.All right, Morty, hold on to something.
"
4322,17,Morty,": Whoa!
"
4323,17,Morty,": Holy crap! I thought we were inside your car battery, Rick. T-t-this is like a whole p-planet or something.
"
4324,17,Rick,": Thanks, Morty. I'm pretty proud of this bad boy. Check it out.
"
4325,17,Rick,": I put a spatially tessellated void inside a modified temporal field until a planet developed intelligent life. I then introduced that life to the wonders of electricity, which they now generate on a global scale. And, you know, some of it goes to power my engine and charge my phone and stuff. 
"
4326,17,Morty,": You have a whole planet sitting around making your power for you? That's slavery.
"
4327,17,Rick,": It's society. They work for each other, Morty. They pay each other. They buy houses. They get married and make children that replace them when they get too old to make power. 
"
4328,17,Morty,": That just sounds like slavery with extra steps.
"
4329,17,Rick,": Ooh-la-la, someone's gonna get laid in college.
"
4330,17,Anchor,": It appears we are being revisited by the alien known as Rick, who once gave our world the gift of gooble box technology, which, when stomped on, generates electricity, powering our homes and businesses, improving our daily lives, while safely removing the dangerous waste power to a special disposal volcano. But why has Rick returned? And what will he say when he hears the big news? Let's find out.
"
4331,17,Morty,": You need to tell these people they're in a battery, Rick. It's messed up. There's caterers down there. Th-th-they're setting up chafing dishes.
"
4332,17,Rick,": Would you relax, Morty? There's nothing dishonest about what we're doing. Now slap on these antennae. These people need to think we're aliens.
"
4333,17,Morty,": What? Why?
"
4334,17,Rick,": Obviously [burps] you really [burps] know nothing about car repair.
"
4335,17,Rick,": Wait for the ramp, Morty. They love the slow ramp. Really gets their dicks hard when they see this ramp just slowly extending down.
"
4336,17,Rick,": Greetings!
"
4337,17,Rick,": Morty, you got to flip them off. I told them it means ""Peace among worlds."" How hilarious is that?
"
4338,17,Rick,": Coming through. Two real aliens walking through here.
"
4339,17,Mr.President:," Rick, our alien friend.
"
4340,17,Rick,": Uh, Mr. President, um, couldn't help but notice that you were having problems generating power.
"
4341,17,Mr.President,": That's correct. [Chuckles] We've evolved. Our most brilliant scientist, Zeep Xanflorp, has developed a source of energy that makes gooble boxes obsolete. 
"
4342,17,Rick,": [Straining] I would love to see it.
"
4343,17,Mr.President,": Fuck you.
"
4344,17,Rick,": What did you say to me?!
"
4345,17,Mr.President,": ""Fuck you."" Y-you told me it means ""much obliged"".
"
4346,17,Rick,": Oh. Right. Uh, b-blow me.
"
4347,17,Mr.President,": No, no, no. Blow me.
"
4348,17,Mr.President:," Zeep, you have an honored guest from beyond the stars.
"
4349,17,Zeep,": I said 12 quantum stabilizers, not 11. Fix it or it's your ass. Chris, I'm in the middle of something.
"
4350,17,Mr.President:," Zeep, is Rick-- The alien. Rick the alien. Rick the alien...
"
4351,17,Rick,": Really? You're gonna pull that move? I guided your entire civilization. Your people have a holiday named Ricksgiving. They teach kids about me in school.
"
4352,17,Zeep,": I dropped out of school. It's not a place for smart people.
"
4353,17,Morty,": Ohhhh, snap!
"
4354,17,Rick,": Listen to me, you arrogant little--
"
4355,17,Mr.President:," [Chuckling] R-Rick was hoping to see your new energy source. I think he could learn a lot from you, Zeep.
"
4356,17,Zeep,": Fine. It's hard for people to grasp, but inside that container is an infinite universe with a planet capable of generating massive amounts of power. I call it a miniverse.
"
4357,17,Rick,": [Coughs] Dumb [coughs] name.
"
4358,17,Zeep,": Excuse me?
"
4359,17,Rick,": [Clears throat] Nothing. I mean, it's hard for us to comprehend all this. Would it be possible for us to get some kind of tour of your miniverse from the inside?
"
4360,17,Zeep,": This isn't a fucking chocolate factory. I don't have time.
"
4361,17,Mr.President:," Didn't you say time goes more slowly in the miniverse relative to the real world?
"
4362,17,Zeep,": Yes, Chris. Thanks for reminding me of that. Great president. All right, let's go.
"
4363,17,Morty,": Whoa-oh!
"
4364,17,Zeep,": Hold on to something. I put an unbounded vacuum inside a temporal field until a world developed. I then introduced the people of this world to the wonders of electricity in the form of a device I call a flooble crank.		
"
4365,17,Zeep,": What they don't know is that 80% of every crank's energy output gets channeled out of the miniverse to be used by us. No more gooble boxes.
"
4366,17,Rick,": I got to tell you, Zeep, with no disrespect, I really think what you're doing here is unethical. It's not cool.		
"
4367,17,Morty,": What?!
"
4368,17,Rick,": Y-y-you got the people on this world slaving away [burps] making your power. I mean, that's what I call slavery.
"
4369,17,Zeep,": No, no, no, they work for each other in exchange for money, which they then--
"
4370,17,Rick,":  Well, that just sounds like slavery with extra steps.
"
4371,17,Zeep,": Eek barba dirkle, somebody's gonna get laid in college.
"
4372,17,Morty,": Rick, a word?
"
4373,17,Morty,": What the hell was that?				
"
4374,17,Rick,": I know. ""Eek barba dirkle""? That's a pretty fucked up ""ooh-la-la"".
"
4375,17,Morty,": No, what are you doing telling this guy that his miniverse is unethical? Do you not see the hypocrisy here?
"
4376,17,Rick,": Holy crap. You're right, Morty. Hypocrisy. Somewhere on this planet, there's got to be an arrogant scientist prick on the verge of microverse technology, which would threaten to make Zeep's flooble cranks obsolete, forcing Zeep to say microverses are bad, at which point he'll realize what a hypocrite he's being, his people will go back to stomping on their gooble boxes, and you and I will be on ice cream street, baby! Eating that motherfucking ice cream! Slurping, slurping, slurping it up. 
"
4377,17,Rick,": Wh-wh-why are you making that face? 
"
4378,17,Morty,": Holy shit!
"
4379,17,Zeep,": It's me. I've convinced the people of this planet that I'm a traveler from another world. 
"
4380,17,Rick,": You don't think that's over[Burps]doing it a little? I mean, you could achieve the same effect with a pair of-- Never mind. You know what? I shouldn't be so critical. I'm an alien.
"
4381,17,Zeep,": Places, please. We're about to land.				
"
4382,17,Rick,": [Coughs] Too fast.
"
4383,17,Summer,": [Whimpering]
"
4384,17,Ship,": Law enforcement converging on location. Keep Summer safe.
"
4385,17,Summer,": No! No, no! Don't hurt anybody!
"
4386,17,Ship,": [Warble] Confirm custom defense protocol-- Keep Summer safe-- No physical force. 
"
4387,17,Summer,": Yes.
"
4388,17,Ship,": Processing.
"
4389,17,Swat Officer 1,": Come out of the vehicle with your hands in the air!
"
4390,17,Ship,": Scanning assailants. [Warbling, beeping] Psychological option detected. [Beeping] Gestating.
"
4391,17,Summer,": ""Gestating""?
"
4392,17,Swat Officer 1,": Come out with your hands up, or we will be forced to open fire!
"
4393,17,Swat Officer 1,": Incoming!
"
4394,17,Swat Officer 2,": We got a device!
"
4395,17,Swat Officer 1,": Bomb! Bomb!
"
4396,17,Kid,": Daddy?
"
4397,17,Swat Officer 1,": Oh, my God. [Sighs] Hunter?			
"
4398,17,Kid,": Daddy?		
"
4399,17,Summer,": What the hell?	
"
4400,17,Swat Officer 1,": [Gasps] Jesus Christ, cease fire! Stay back! H-h-hunter?
"
4401,17,Kid,": Daddy.
"
4402,17,Swat Officer 1:," Hunter! [Sobbing] Oh, my dear, sweet God, Hunter. Oh, my boy. My boy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was all my fault. I'm sorry."
4403,17,Kid,": Daddy, leave the car alone.	
"
4404,17,Swat Officer 1,": W-w-w-what?
"
4405,17,Kid,": [Distorted] Leave the car alone.		
"
4406,17,Swat Officer 1:," Hunter?		
"
4407,17,Swat Officer 1,": Don't--				
"
4408,17,Summer,": Oh, my God.
"
4409,17,Swat Officer 1,": Stay here, Hunter! No! [Sobbing] God, no! Hunter!		
"
4410,17,Ship,": All of you have loved ones. All can be returned. All can be taken away. Please step away from the vehicle. Keep Summer safe.
"
4411,17,Zeep,": And if you continue to turn your flooble cranks, I will bring you other great alien advancements.				
"
4412,17,Teenyverse President,": Yes?		
"
4413,17,Teenyverse President,": All of them. That's their job.	
"
4414,17,Teenyverse President,": How do you know about that? It's top secret.			
"
4415,17,Zeep,": So remember-- a crank a day is not nearly enough. [Laughs] Crank it. I told them this means ""Peace among worlds"". How hilarious is that?				
"
4416,17,Morty,": Re-really funny, Zeep.					
"
4417,17,Rick,": Hey, Zeep, the fake president of your fake world has something fake important to show you.
"
4418,17,Kyle,": It's not much now, but once I learn to accelerate the temporal field, I'll be able to interact with any sentient life that evolves and introduce them to the wonders of electricity via a pulley-based device I call a blooble yank. But what they won't know is--
"
4419,17,Zeep,": You'll be taking most of their energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.
"
4420,17,Rick,": [Burps] It's show [Burps]time.
"
4421,17,Zeep,": You do realize this will make the flooble crank obsolete? This is wrong, Kyle. What you're doing is wrong. You're basically-- This is slavery. You're talking about creating a planet of slaves.				
"
4422,17,Rick,": [Burps] Told you, Zeep.					
"
4423,17,Kyle,": Oh, they won't be slaves. They'll work for each other and pay each other money.	
"
4424,17,Zeep,": That just sounds like slavery with ex... tra... steps.				
"
4425,17,Rick,": What? 
"
4426,17,Zeep,": Wait a minute. Did you create my universe? Is my universe a miniverse?					
"
4427,17,Rick,": Microverse!		
"
4428,17,Kyle,": Uh, teenyverse.					
"
4429,17,Rick,": Ugh! You bastard!			
"
4430,17,Zeep,": Much obliged.					
"
4431,17,Kyle,": What the hell is happening?		
"
4432,17,Morty,": This is healthy, trust me.
"
4433,17,Rick,": You're my battery, motherfucker. [Groans] That's all you are. I made you. Your microverse sucks! And your miniverse is the size of a fucking lobster tank! It's whack!				
"
4434,17,Kyle,": Are they not really aliens?					
"
4435,17,Morty,": Nah, they're just a couple of crazy, wacky scientists, you know?		
"
4436,17,Kyle,": So he made a universe, and that guy is from that universe. And that guy made a universe. And that's the universe where I was born. Where my father died. Where I couldn't make time for his funeral because I was working on my universe.					
"
4437,17,Rick,": I made you!
"
4438,17,Morty,": [Laughs] Yeah. Science, huh? Ain't it a thing.				
"
4439,17,Morty,": You know, one time, Rick sh-- accidentally shot his laser pistol right through my hand. You know, I mean, like, old-lady science, you know? She's a real-- You got to hang on tight, you know? Because she-- she'll-- She bucks pretty hard. Ooh, boy, what-- Oh, my God, no!
"
4440,17,Rick,", Zeep: Teenyverse.		
"
4441,17,Rick,": Come on, come on, come on.					
"
4442,17,Rick,": Pterodactyl!
"
4443,17,Zeep,": [Laughs] Asshole! When I get out of this teenyverse, I'm gonna smash it to pieces with you in it.
"
4444,17,Rick,": Yeah, well, when I get out of this teenyverse, I'm gonna get out of the surrounding miniverse and then the microverse around that, and guess what?	
"
4445,17,Morty,": Don't make things worse, Rick! Uh, he's not gonna destroy your universe. You know, we-- We need it to start our car. 
"
4446,17,Zeep,": That's what you used my universe for? To run your car?
"
4447,17,Rick,": Yeah, but don't flatter yourself. There's always AAA, you fucking cocksucker!
"
4448,17,Rick,": What's he doing? What's he crafting? I can craft stuff, too, pal! Just like I crafted your reality!
"
4449,17,Rick,": You crafty son of a--
"
4450,17,Zeep,": Ow! I crafted the guy that created the planet you're standing on!
"
4451,17,Rick,": Yeah, and I made the stars that became the carbon in your mother's ovaries!
"
4452,17,Zeep,": I didn't ask to be born!
"
4453,17,Morty,": All right, that's it! I'm out. I-I'm gonna go into the wilderness, and I'm gonna make a new life for myself among the tree people. It can't be worse than this.
"
4454,17,Rick,": Sure. Okay, Morty. Just be back before sundown or the tree people will eat you.
"
4455,17,Morty,": That's a myth! W-w-why are you trying to start a myth?
"
4456,17,Rick,": It's a prehistoric planet, Morty. Someone has to bring a little culture. And it certainly can't be someone whose entire culture powers my brake lights!
"
4457,17,Army General:," Go, go, go!
"
4458,17,Summer,": Oh, my God. Oh, God. What are we going to do now?
"
4459,17,Ship,": I am unable to destroy this army. To clarify, I am quite able to destroy this army, but you will not permit it.
"
4460,17,Summer,": Correct.
"
4461,17,Ship,": You also refuse to authorize emotional countermeasures.
"
4462,17,Summer,": If you're talking about the melting ghost babies, yes, please, no more of that.
"
4463,17,Ship,": [Warble] Confirmed. I am currently constructing a security measure in compliance with your parameters. But I do want to say you are not making this easy.
"
4464,17,Summer,": You know you're kind of a dick, right?
"
4465,17,Ship,":My function is to keep Summer safe, not keep Summer being, like, totally stoked about, like, the general vibe and stuff. That's you. That's how you talk.
"
4466,17,Rick,": Hey, that's my deer!
"
4467,17,Zeep,": Aaaaaaah!
"
4468,17,Rick,": Raah!
"
4469,17,Zeep,": I hope your God is as big a dick as you.					
"
4470,17,Rick,": My God's the biggest dick that's never existed. Why do you think I'm even here?
"
4471,17,Zeep,": You're here because you created someone smarter than you.
"
4472,17,Rick,": Oh, I thought we were both here because I created a universe of idiots.
"
4473,17,Morty,": Kalo kada sha la.
"
4474,17,Rick,": Holy shit. Morty? I haven't seen you in months. You're leading the tree people? Huh. That's a step up.
"
4475,17,Morty,": We have no leaders. We follow only the will of the forest.
"
4476,17,Rick,": Ooh. Wow. Gaaaaay.
"
4477,17,Zeep,": That is pretty gay.
"
4478,17,Morty,": You two call yourselves geniuses, but you have spent this time learning nothing. Come with me into the forest. There is something I wish to teach you.
"
4479,17,Morty,": This is Ku'ala, the spirit tree. For generations, it has guided the-- You have to get us the fuck out of here. These people are backwards savages. They eat every third baby because they think it makes fruit grow bigger. Everyone's gross, and they all smell like piss all the time. I m-- I miss my family. I miss my laptop. I masturbated to an extra-curvy piece of driftwood the other day!
"
4480,17,Morty,": Look, I don't care what it takes. You two are putting aside your bullshit, and you're working together to get us back home.
"
4481,17,Rick,": No can do, Morty. I just can't.
"
4482,17,Zeep,": I just don't see how I can--
"
4483,17,Morty,": Ro ro dah no gah! You're smart. You'll figure it out.
"
4484,17,Army General:," You have 10 seconds to get out of the ship! 10, 9...
"
4485,17,Rick,": All right, not bad.
"
4486,17,Zeep,": I guess you're an okay proto recombinator.
"
4487,17,Rick,": I've certainly seen worse ionic cell dioxination.
"
4488,17,Zeep,": If this works, drinks are on me.
"
4489,17,Rick,": If drinks are on you, you're gonna need a second mortgage on that tower. I'm an alcoholic.
"
4490,17,Zeep,": Opium addict.
"
4491,17,Morty,": All right, okay, okay, okay, wrap it up. You guys are the fucking worst! Your gods are a lie! Fuck you, fuck nature, and fuck trees!
"
4492,17,Morty,": Yes! You did it! Yes!
"
4493,17,Rick,": Hey, uh, how about that drink?
"
4494,17,Zeep,": Sure, I just need to go grab my wallet from inside my ship.
"
4495,17,Rick,": Is our wallet in your ship? That's where the transporter is, too, so why don't we come with?
"
4496,17,Zeep,": It's cool. I'll be back in a sec.
"
4497,17,Rick,": You know how long a second can take in a microverse?
"
4498,17,Rick,": Oh! Run, Morty! That asshole's willing to risk everything he cares about just to defeat me! He's psychotic!
"
4499,17,Rick,": Morty, hop on my back.
"
4500,17,Morty,": Why?
"
4501,17,Rick,": Go, go [Burps] Sanchez ski shoes.
"
4502,17,Morty,": Aaaaaah!
"
4503,17,Army General:," ...Eight...
"
4504,17,Morty,": Aaaah! 
"
4505,17,Rick,": Oof!
"
4506,17,Rick,": Hold still. [Grunts]
"
4507,17,Mr. President:," Oh, hey, guys. I just finished cooking us a feast.
"
4508,17,Rick,": Aaaah! Holy--
"
4509,17,Zeep,": You monster!
"
4510,17,Mr. President,": Whoa. Bad tour.
"
4511,17,Army General,": ...seven...
"
4512,17,Secretary,": Hey, you got to sign out. 
"
4513,17,Rick,": Nothing you do matters! Your existence is a lie!
"
4514,17,Secretary,": If that were really true, then...
"
4515,17,Female Visitor:," I'm here to see Ron Mendleson.
"
4516,17,Secretary,": Third floor. Would you like to go to dinner with--
"
4517,17,Female Visitor,": Uh, no.
"
4518,17,Zeep,": You may have created this universe, Rick, but I live in it.
"
4519,17,Morty,": What are we gonna do, Rick? We're so screwed. He's gonna get to the ship and smash the microverse, and then he's gonna kill us! 
"
4520,17,Rick,": Quick, Morty, you've got to turn into a car.
"
4521,17,Morty,": What?!	
"
4522,17,Rick,": A long time ago, I implanted you with a subdermal chip that could call upon dormant nanobots in your bloodstream to restructure your anatomy and turn you into a car.				
"
4523,17,Morty,": Oh, my God!
"
4524,17,Rick,": Concentrate, Morty. Concentrate and turn into a car, Morty.			
"
4525,17,Morty,": [Grunts]
"
4526,17,Rick,": Never mind. Here's a taxi. Get in. It's fine.		
"
4527,17,Army General,": ...six...
"
4528,17,Rick,": Hey, Zeep.			
"
4529,17,Zeep,": Huh?		
"
4530,17,Rick,": Happy Ricksgiving, biiiiiitch.				
"
4531,17,Zeep,": Aaah!
"
4532,17,Rick,": We did it, Morty. Now let's get out of here and destroy this whole universe.	
"
4533,17,Taxi Driver,": Excuse me?
"
4534,17,Army General:," ...five--			
"
4535,17,Soldier,": Sir?		
"
4536,17,Army General:," Holy hell.			
"
4537,17,Soldier,": Sir!	
"
4538,17,Human President:," Hold you fire!			
"
4539,17,Summer,": What's going on?	
"
4540,17,Ship,": I have brokered a peace agreement between the giant spiders and the government.
"
4541,17,Human President:," Thanks to the skilled diplomacy of this mysterious space car, from this day forward, human- and spiderkind will live side by side in peace. We will stop bombing them, and they will no longer use their telepathic abilities to make us wander into webs for later consumption. Instead, we will work together to make this world a better place for all, no matter how many legs.
"
4542,17,Soldier,": What do we do about the space car?
"
4543,17,Human President:," Leave it alone. I mean, what did it really do, anyways? Kill a guy and paralyze his buddy? [Chuckles] Not a bad trade for spider peace. 
"
4544,17,Human Presiden,"t: [Laughs] I love this spider!
"
4545,17,Ship,": Summer is safe.
"
4546,17,Summer,": All right, I get it.
"
4547,17,Zeep,": Rick!
"
4548,17,Morty,": Don't do it.
"
4549,17,Rick,": You quit school, but you still got some learning to do. [Both groan]
"
4550,17,Zeep,": Aah!
"
4551,17,Rick,": Unh!
"
4552,17,Rick,": Class dismissed.
"
4553,17,Morty,": Geez.
"
4554,17,Rick,": You all right?
"
4555,17,Summer,": Uh-huh!
"
4556,17,Morty,": What are you doing, Rick? I'm pretty sure the battery's dead.
"
4557,17,Rick,": Oh, you think so, huh, Morty? Well, let's see.
"
4558,17,Morty,": Hey, wait-- huh? I don't get it.
"
4559,17,Rick,": Of course you don't. But Zeep did. He knew that once I got back to my car, one of two things was gonna happen-- I was gonna have to toss a broken battery, or the battery wouldn't be broken. 
"
4560,17,Zeep,": Peace among worlds, Rick.
"
4561,17,Morty,": Jesus.
"
4562,17,Rick,": Yeah. Listen to that baby purr. You were right, Morty-- We really just needed to be honest with those guys. All right, here we go.
"
4563,17,Rick,": Thank y-o-o-ou. See, Morty? This is what it's all about.This is why we do what we do.
"
4564,17,Morty,": Uh-huh.
"
4565,17,Rick,": Ew! What the hell? Jesus! There's flies in my ice cream.
"
4566,17,Ice cream clerk,": Presidential decree-- All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.
"
4567,17,Rick,": What the fuck did you do, Summer?!
"
4568,17,Summer,": It was your ship! Your stupid ship did it!
"
4569,17,Rick,": Don't blame my ship!
"
4570,17,Summer,": It melted a child!
"
4571,17,Rick,": My ship doesn't do anything...
"
4572,17,Summer,": It killed it itself!
"
4573,17,Rick,": ...unless it's told to do something!
"
4574,17,Summer,": We almost died!
"
4575,17,Rick,": I don't want to hear it, Summer!
"
4576,17,Rick,": Your boobs are all hanging about, and you ruined ice cream with your boobs out. And don't even try to deny it, either.
"
4577,17,Morty,": [Groans]
"
4578,18,Jerry,:  What’s new at school?
4579,18,Summer,:  Nothing.
4580,18,Morty,":  Nothing! Oh, uh, one of the lunch ladies died. They found her in the gym with, like, two holes in her neck and all the blood drained out of her."
4581,18,Beth,:  Good lord! Who does something like that?
4582,18,Rick,:  Obviously a vampire. W-w-where’s the pepper?
4583,18,Summer,":  Wait, what?! Vampires are real?!"
4584,18,Jerry,":  Yes, Summer, vampires are real. Who knew?"
4585,18,Rick,":  Oh, right, all humanity, for hundreds of years, now."
4586,18,Morty,":  Yeah, Summer, it’s a big universe."
4587,18,Morty,":  Get used to it. R-right, Rick?"
4588,18,Summer,":  Well, what are we going to do?!"
4589,18,Rick,":  We’re gonna live our lives until we die. Possibly by vampire. More likely auto accident or heart disease, but possibly vampire."
4590,18,Summer,":  Grandpa Rick, couldn’t you, like, use your superknowledge to turn yourself into a teenager and come to our school and help us hunt the vampire down?"
4591,18,Morty,:  Um -- wow.
4592,18,Rick,":  Yeah, pretty specific pitch, Summer. I probably could turn myself into a teenager and hang out in the zit-covered, hormone-addled, low-stakes assworld that is high school. But here’s my reverse-ask -- why in the [Bleep] would I ever do that, ever? And how dare you even ask me that And why aren’t you more ashamed of yourself?"
4593,18,Summer,:  Dad!
4594,18,Jerry,":  Be ashamed of yourself, sweetie."
4595,18,Beth,:  Jerry! Do you know what you just said to our daughter?
4596,18,Jerry,:  Sor-ry! I wasn’t paying attention.
4597,18,Beth,:  To a conversation about vampires?!
4598,18,Jerry,":  Clearly, I didn’t know it was about vampires, because I wasn’t paying attention, which you would know, if you ever paid attention to me!"
4599,18,Beth,":  Oh, here we go, right to the victim role."
4600,18,Jerry,":  Am I a victim, Beth, or am I married to a mean, unfair monster that always hurts me?!"
4601,18,Rick,:  Jesus Christ! Will you fix your marriage or get a divorce already?
4602,18,Jerry,":  Well, we tried a couples’ therapist."
4603,18,Rick,":  That’s earth therapy. You might as well ask a horse to fix a merry-go-round. I mean, he’ll try his best, but mostly, he’s just gonna get horrified. I know about a place off-planet with a 100% success rate."
4604,18,Beth,":  Well, we want to make it work, if we can."
4605,18,Jerry,:  It’s just -- then it’s settled.
4606,18,Rick,:  No need to pack.
4607,18,Jerry,:  Oh!
4608,18,Rick,":  Let’s go, go, go, go!"
4609,18,Morty,":  Do you think mom and dad are, you know, gonna get a divorce?"
4610,18,Summer,":  I think it’s okay to dream, Morty. I’m gonna go make some wooden stakes."
4611,18,Rick,":  I booked you for a two-day intensive at nuptia four, the galaxy’s most successful couples’ counseling institute. They could save the marriage of a dog and a bar of dark chocolate. They could save the marriage of a p0rn star and a p0rn star."
4612,18,Jerry,":  Well, I know I’m ready to try whatever it takes."
4613,18,Beth,:  Which clearly implies that I’m not.
4614,18,Jerry,":  It’s not a competition, Beth."
4615,18,Beth,":  Oh is that how you’re gonna try to win, by implying I’m competitive?"
4616,18,Jerry,:  If the shoe fits.
4617,18,Beth,:  My shoe fits up your ass.
4618,18,Jerry,:  You wish!
4619,18,Rick,":  Okay, have fun. See ya Thursday!"
4620,18,Beth,:  Oh!
4621,18,Jerry,:  Jerk.
4622,18,Beth,:  Don’t insult my father. He’s the reason our kids are only half-stupid.
4623,18,Jerry,:  Ha! You just called yourself -- oh.
4624,18,Glaxo Slimslom,:  Beth and Jerry Smith?
4625,18,Jerry,:  Yes.
4626,18,Glaxo Slimslom,":  I’m glaxo slimslom. Welcome to nuptia four. Your marriage can rest easy now. Jerry, go ahead and sit there and put this on. This machine isolates the part of the subject’s brain containing all perceptions of its romantic partner. And we will now render Jerry’s perception of Beth with artificial biological life. [Growl] Interesting."
4627,18,Beth,:What the hell is that?! Take that back! You do not think that about me!
4628,18,Jerry,:  I didn’t do anything! They scanned it out of my brain. Can I take it back?
4629,18,Glaxo Slimslom,":  There’s nothing to regret. We’re dealing with unconscious, unhealthy thoughts. Beth. Now, we scan for Beth’s perceptions of Jerry."
4630,18,Beth,:  Scan hard. He’s dead to me.
4631,18,Jerry,:  Everything’s dead to you.
4632,18,Beth,:  What?
4633,18,Jerry,:  Nothing. [Whimper]
4634,18,Beth,":  Read it and weep, bitch."
4635,18,Jerry,:  [Crying] Does everybody see what I mean?
4636,18,Glaxo Slimslom,:  I think we all see what you both mean.
4637,18,Summer,:  Any leads on the vampire?
4638,18,Morty,": No, Summer! I mean, you know, I think it might be time that we just l-let it go."
4639,18,Summer,":  Oh, so, now, you’re too cool for this, just because grandpa Rick is?"
4640,18,Morty,":  It’s not that, it’s just that the universe is a little too big to care about something so small."
4641,18,Summer,:  Aah!
4642,18,Tiny Rick,":  What up, my helsings? Who wants to hunt a vampire? Ha ha ha!"
4643,18,Morty,:  Rick? How -- how did you --
4644,18,Tiny Rick,":  Yeah, I got bored and then, I remembered, this morning, how I blew Summer off, and I thought, ""hey, why are you such a grumpy douche, Rick? Go to the garage, transfer your mind into a younger clone of yourself, and get embroiled in some youthful hijinks, what’s the bfd?"" So here I am. I’m tiny Rick!"
4645,18,Morty,:  O-o-okay.
4646,18,Summer,":  Well, it’s good you’re here, Rick. I was pretty sure we didn’t have what it takes to deal with a bloodsucker on our own."
4647,18,Tiny Rick,":  Don’t short-sell yourself, Summer. You got everything it takes. But it’ll still be fun to do this as a [Bleep] team, mother[Bleep] tiny Rick!"
4648,18,Summer,":  Yeah! Oh, my God, Toby Matthews!"
4649,18,Tiny Rick,":  Hey, Toby. I’m tiny Rick. I’m new. Hey oh -- go easy on me. Ha ha. Just kiddin’."
4650,18,Toby,:  I like your straightforward style and that lab coat’s pretty cool. Summer.
4651,18,Summer,:  He knows my name!
4652,18,Tiny Rick,":  Why wouldn’t he? You’re great! But, listen, just be careful. We can’t rule anybody out as the vampire, not even the dreamboats.
    Stop, tiny Rick.
    Huntin’ a vampire with my grandkids!
    [Bleep]! Tiny ri-I-ck!"
4653,18,Glaxo Slimslom,":  The next step is to watch your mythologues interact together and, uh -- big surprise -- it’s never pretty. [Laughter] Here we have garrrh and zharbidar gloompfschs, or, should I say, here we have the way garrrh and zharbidar perceive each other. [Roaring] [Chuckling] As we can all see, this is hardly the real garrrh and zharbidar. Which is good, because the relationship in their heads is not only ugly, it’s unsustainable. [Beep] [Roar] [Growling] You may already be learning something important -- all of these relationships are different, none of them are real, and none of them work. We are not the monsters we sometimes see each other as, because we are real and we are functional. That’s what makes us better than them We can find solutions. We can adapt. We can communicate. [Growl] And, most importantly, we can work together."
4654,18,Morty,"Well, it was a tough adventure, but it paid off -- our school is vampire-free!"
4655,18,Tiny Rick,":  Man, who would’ve suspected coach feratu? You did great, guys. Couldn’t have done it without ya. You know, we -- w-we should be proud of ourselves. We killed a vampire and a gym teacher. Ha ha ha. Talk about two-for-one, right?!"
4656,18,Summer,":  So, how, exactly, is your old body living in there, grandpa Rick?"
4657,18,Rick,":  Oh, you know, hyperbaric quantum fluid, [burp] That kind of thing. It preserves living tissue. Not that there was much to preserve. Look at that mummy! Ha! Ha ha! And I guess it’s time for me to get back inside the old-timer."
4658,18,Summer,":  Oh, my God. Toby Matthews is asking if my parents are still out of town and if we can have a party!"
4659,18,Tiny Rick,":  All right, way to go, Summer! What did I tell you?"
4660,18,Summer,:  Ohh! He’s asking if tiny Rick will be here.
4661,18,Tiny Rick,":  Well, you know what, Summer? Tell him tiny Rick will be here! And tell him to bring some brews!"
4662,18,Morty,":  For real? Y-y-y-you would stay as tiny Rick, just so we can have a party?"
4663,18,Tiny Rick,":  Hell, yeah! What’s one more night? And who can have fun with this old b*st*rd hanging around, huh?[Laughter] Wubby lubby doob doob! Whoo! Tiny Rick!"
4664,18,Glaxo Slimslom,":  Moving on. Now, we have Beth and Jerry Smith from the planet e-arth."
4665,18,Beth,:  My heart is pounding.
4666,18,Jerry,:  This is gonna be great.
4667,18,Glaxo Slimslom,":  The e-arth relationships are simpler.
    It’s a primitive planet, so their dysfunctions are oh -- w-wait, what? What’s going on?
    Where are the Smith mythologues?"
4668,18,Jerry,": Oh, my God."
4669,18,Glaxo Slimslom,"[Shriek]
    [Gasp]
    Aah! Aah!
    Oh, my God. Secure the cell!
    Aaaah!
    [Slice]
    Uh, hey! You know what’s fun? Our gift shop.
    Why don’t we proceed in an orderly --
    [growl]
    [ Whimpering ]
    Oh, dear God, no.
    They’re codependent!
    Run!
    [Roaring]
    Oh!"
4670,18,,"Oh, yeah, yeah, you really know how to sport that color blue."
4671,18,,Really?
4672,18,,"You’re looking real good. Oh, my God."
4673,18,Jessica,":  Hey, Morty."
4674,18,Morty,":  Oh, hey -- hey, Jessica."
4675,18,Jessica,":  So, is tiny Rick your brother or cousin, or...?"
4676,18,Morty,":  No, my grandpa just transferred his consciousness into a clone of himself so he could be in our high school."
4677,18,Jessica,:  Cool.
4678,18,Toby,":  Hey, tiny Rick’s playing guitar."
4679,18,Rick,":  All right, everybody. This next one’s coming straight from the heart. Making the lyrics up right off the top of my head. ♪ Let me out ♪ ♪ what you see is not the same person as me ♪ ♪ my life’s a lie ♪ ♪ I’m not who you’re looking at ♪ ♪ let me out, set me free ♪ ♪ I’m really old; This isn’t me ♪ ♪ my real body’s slowly dyin’ in a vat ♪ ♪ is anybody listening’ ♪ ♪ can anyone understand? ♪ ♪ Stop lookin’ at me like that and actually help me ♪ ♪ help me! ♪ ♪ Help me; I’m gonna die! ♪  Tiny Rick! Thanks, everybody!"
4680,18,Party-goer,:  This guy’s amazing!
4681,18,Morty,:  I love tiny Rick!
4682,18,Party-goer,:  Bad. Ass.
4683,18,Party-goer,:  Yeah!
4684,18,Glaxo Slimslom,:  What the [Bleep]?
4685,18,Jerry,":  Yeah, I know! What kind of operation are you running?"
4686,18,Glaxo Slimslom,:  Us?! What the hell kind of relationship do you have?!
4687,18,Beth,":  Oh, right, blame this on us."
4688,18,Glaxo Slimslom,":  Okay, uh, I can and I am! Your demonized mythologizations of each other are cooperating."
4689,18,Jerry,:  Isn’t that good?
4690,18,Glaxo Slimslom,":  No. No! It’s bad! You have the single worst marriage I’ve ever witnessed. It shouldn’t exist! You should never, ever, ever, have gotten together and I do not understand how, or why, you would ever stay together."
4691,18,Beth,":  Well, this is just bad couples’ therapy."
4692,18,Jerry,:  Totally.
4693,18,Jerry,:  Beth! You’ll want to see this.
4694,18,Beth,:  What is it?
4695,18,Jerry,":  It’s a small, hinged panel with a tiny amount of space behind it. If you can find one, too, we should be safe for hours, maybe days!"
4696,18,Beth,":  You stay put, Jerry. I’ll send help, if I make it."
4697,18,Jerry,:  You don’t want to find your own little hatch?
4698,18,Beth,":  Jerry, I believe that, if you hide by yourself, you might survive and I believe I, by myself, have a shot of getting out of here, but the two of us, together? I don’t know. Look, maybe the shrink was right. Good luck. [Monster Beth Roar and attacks Beth] All right, now, you listen to me. Oh! Or don’t."
4699,18,Jerry,:  Hey! Don’t! Please!
4700,18,Jerry,"Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!"
4701,18,Mr. Goldenfold,":  Now, I know I’ve said, in the past, that math is important -- and it is! -- but I also think that, one day, you’ll all look back on being in high school with tiny Rick and Morty, who I hear had a great party last night. So, class dismissed. You’ve got the day off!"
4702,18,Tiny Rick,":  All right! Good work, Mr. Goldenfold!"
4703,18,Mr. Goldenfold,":  Yeah, get outside. Read a book. Put on some sunscreen, Danielle!"
4704,18,Tiny Rick,":  Hey, what’s up, Summer? Ooh, nice top."
4705,18,Summer,":  Thanks. Tiny Rick, you think you might be getting back into your old body tonight?"
4706,18,Tiny Rick,:  No can do. Tonight’s the big dance and Morty’s bringing Jessica. He needs his tiny wing man.
4707,18,Both,: Tiny Rick! [Laughs]
4708,18,Summer,":  Okay, but if not tonight, when?"
4709,18,Tiny Rick,":  I don’t know. When I feel like it? Damn, girl! You need to chill out!"
4710,18,Morty,":  This whole thing was your idea, in the first place, and, now, you’re trying to rush it along."
4711,18,Tiny Rick,":  Yeah, and you know what? I like high school. I like hanging out. Tiny Rick!"
4712,18,Summer,:  But what if the you that likes it isn’t you?
4713,18,Both,:  Oh!
4714,18,Both,": Oh, Summer!"
4715,18,Morty,":  It’s just Rick in a younger body.
    What’s the -- what’s -- what’s -- what’s -- what’s the -- what’s the problem?"
4716,18,Summer,":  Look at his art, Morty."
4717,18,Tiny Rick,:  I’ve got an emo streak. It’s part of what makes me so rad.
4718,18,Summer,":  Why does it say ""help me Morty and Summer!""?"
4719,18,Morty,":  Come on, Summer, that’s the title of the art. Why was Knight Rider called Knight Rider?"
4720,18,Tiny Rick,":  The car’s name was kitt. Nobody rode Michael Knight.
    You’re overthinking it, Summer. I’m tiny Rick!"
4721,18,Summer,":  Grandpa, I think that, when you put your mind into this body’s young brain, it did what young brains do -- it shoved the bad thoughts into the back and put a wall around them.  But those bad thoughts are the real Rick.  The fact that you’re old, the fact that we’re all going to die, one day, the fact that the universe is so big, nothing in it matters, those facts are who you are.  So you’re trapped in there and you can only come out in the form of tiny Rick’s teen angst!"
4722,18,Tiny Rick,":  Well, Summer, I hear Toby Matthews isn’t into psycho chicks. Can’t think of anyone that is. I’ll see you mother[Bleep] at the dance! Tiny Rick!"
4723,18,Summer,":  Morty, you have to help me!"
4724,18,Morty,":  Summer, he’s happy! I’m happy! I-I-is that why you’re doing this, you don’t want me and Rick to be happy?"
4725,18,Summer,:  No.
4726,18,Morty,":  Well, then get your sh1t together! Get it all together and put it in a backpack. All your sh1t, so it’s together. And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know? Take it to the sh1t store and sell it o-or put it in a sh1t museum. I don’t care what you do! You just gotta get it together. Get your sh1t together."
4727,18,Jerry,":  [Slug wailing]
    [Gasping][monolog with Beth's conception of himself] Get back! [Fart] Wait, for real? [Whimpers] You’re how Beth sees me? Oh, my God. Turn around!I said turn around! How can Beth have these thoughts about me?! That judgmental monster bitch! I’m not taking this. I want to know where my wife is. You are going to help me. No! Nobody’s doing that!"
4728,18,Beth Monster,:  [Growling] Stay.
4729,18,Beth,:  What do you want?
4730,18,Beth Monster,:  Jerrys.
4731,18,Beth,":  You want Jerry?
    I don’t even want Jerry."
4732,18,Beth Monster,:  I want Jerrys. Waahee! An army.
4733,18,Beth,:  [Laughs] An army of Jerrys. 
4734,18,Beth Monster,:  The value of his subservience is wasted on you. I will use it to dominate the universe.
4735,18,Beth,":  Ah ha ha. Boy, Jerry must think I’m pretty stupid, for you to be this stupid. Wouldn’t it make more sense to put my dumbass husband in this chair, so you can make an army of youbadass self?"
4736,18,Beth Monster,":  [Laughs] There could never be more than one of me. I’m the strongest, smartest being alive because Jerry thinks you’re that much stronger and smarter than you are!"
4737,18,Beth,":  Okay, ouch."
4738,18,Tiny Rick,":  Oh, hey h-hey-y! Morty, Jessica, what’s up? Check out the new dance I made up. It’s called ""ooh let me out!"" ♪ Let me out ♪ ♪ let me out ♪ ♪ this is not a dance ♪ ♪ I’m beggin’ for help ♪ ♪ I’m screamin’ for help ♪ ♪ please come let me out ♪ ♪ let me out ♪ ♪ let me out ♪ ♪ this is not a dance ♪ ♪ I’m beggin’ for help ♪ ♪ I’m screamin’ for help ♪ ♪ please come let me out ♪ ♪ I’m dyin’ in a vat ♪ ♪ in the gara-a-ge ♪ [cheering Awesome!"
4739,18,Morty,":  Okay, that last part was really weird. Maybe Summer’s on to something here."
4740,18,Jessica,:  I don’t know. It was fun. You want to slow dance?
4741,18,Principal,":  Tiny Rick, hey, great dancing as usual. Moment of your time? Tiny Rick, this conversation is gonna break my heart wide open. You’re a great student and the fact that you’re an 80-year-old man in a clone body, it never bothered me. But this here is another matter. You recognize this? We got a tip it was in your locker. Yeah, now, because the gym coach was a vampire, the school board is embarrassed and won’t take it public, however, they can’t have students killin’ teachers. I gotta expel you for this one, tr. I’m sorry."
4742,18,Tiny Rick,":  I just got expelled, Summer!"
4743,18,Summer,:  Oh! So I guess there’s no need to stay young. My top!
4744,18,Tiny Rick,":  Screw your top!
    You ratted on me?!
    I’m tiny Rick!"
4745,18,Summer,:  Fine! Yes! Because I love you and I’m trying to save your life!
4746,18,Tiny Rick,":  High school is my life!
    Summer Smith is a [Bleep] psycho nerd and she just got me kicked out of school!"
4747,18,All,"[Gasp]
    [Thud]
    Boo!"
4748,18,Toby,":  Summer, I thought you were cool!"
4749,18,Summer,":  I’m sorry, okay?"
4750,18,Crowd,:  How can you be such a bitch?
4751,18,Jessica,":  Oh, my God, Morty. Your sister crossed tiny Rick? Talk about self-destructive. Yeah."
4752,18,Jerry,": Hey, Jerry-lover!
    How about a taste of the real thing?
    [Cocks gun]
    [Roar]"
4753,18,Beth,"Jerry!
    Ah. Ah. Ah.
    Ah ah ah ah ah aah aah."
4754,18,Jerry,"Not on my watch.
    That’s it!
    Beth, it’s me, your husband!
    I’m here to save you.
    Or my name isn’t Jerry Smith!
    Aha!
    Yes!
    Jerry Smith!
    Yeah, here.
    Aha!
    Okay, fair enough."
4755,18,Tiny Rick,":  Say goodnight, old man.[Gasp]"
4756,18,Morty,:  What the hell are you doing?  Put it down!
4757,18,Tiny Rick,":  Summer, you bitch!"
4758,18,Morty,:  Don’t talk to her that way! She’s your granddaughter!
4759,18,Tiny Rick,:  I don’t need a granddaughter! I’m tiny ri-I-ck!
4760,18,Morty,":  She’s my sister! And if tiny Rick is gonna be an asshole to my sister, then, you know, y-y-you may as well be old again."
4761,18,Tiny Rick,":  You think you’re tough, huh, Morty? What are you gonna do? I’m tiny Rick.I ’m the coolest kid in your school. How are you gonna just make me do whatever you say, huh?"
4762,18,Morty,:  I’m gonna do what real Rick would do if he was here --
4763,18,Tiny Rick,:  I’m gonna kick your ass! Ohhhh!
4764,18,Morty,":  Rick, I know you’re in there! I know you’re trying to get out!"
4765,18,Summer,":  That’s it, Morty! Hold him down!"
4766,18,Summer,":  Listen to it, tiny Rick. Listen to Elliott Smith."
4767,18,Tiny Rick,:  Ugh! No!
4768,18,Summer,:  Feel what he’s feeling.
4769,18,Tiny Rick,:  Ugh! Noooooooo! God!
4770,18,Rick,":  Oh, God, what is life? How can someone so talented die so young? What is being young? I’m not young. I’m old. I’m -- I’m gonna die. My body isn’t real. Morty! Summer! It’s me! It’s Rick! Regular Rick!"
4771,18,Morty,:Rick! How do we get you back into your body?
4772,18,Rick,":  Okay, listen carefully. There’s a set of diodes on the vat’s control panel, a blue one and a red one. Oh, God, what kind of world is this? I didn’t ask to be born. I need you to connect the blue one to my left temple and the red one to -- why doesn’t anyone really like me?"
4773,18,Summer,":  Focus, grandpa! "
4774,18,Rick,:  Just put the stupid wires on my head! I hate being a teenager!
4775,18,Beth,":  Jerry, you can’t bend metal."
4776,18,Jerry,:  Then make a me that can!
4777,18,Beth,:  How can I do that while I’m watching you totally fail to bend metal?
4778,18,Jerry,:  Good old Beth!
4779,18,God Beth,:  The mind of a robot and the heart of an insect!
4780,18,Jerry,":  Don’t talk that way about her.
    What?
    Oh, it hurts!
    Oh, God."
4781,18,God Beth,:  Stop. This representation displeases me.
4782,18,Beth,:  Good lord. How did you...?
4783,18,Jerry,":  Well, I had a feeling that, in your mind, the ideal version of me is one smart enough to see you as..."
4784,18,Beth,":  A goddess. Not such a stupid worm now, are you?"
4785,18,Jerry,":  Honey, when it comes to the subject of your ego, I’m Stephen [Bleep] hawkinson."
4786,18,Beth,":  Ugh, it’s -- never mind. I love you."
4787,18,Rick,:  Ugh agh.
4788,18,Morty,:  Rick! 
4789,18,Summer,:  Pants!
4790,18,Rick,":  Holy sh1t! Thanks, kids. You figured it out. Well, Summer did. Kind of weird that you were that willing to sell my existence out for some trim, Morty."
4791,18,Morty,:  What?! 
4792,18,Summer,:  Pants!
4793,18,Rick,":  But listen -- I forgive you both because you know what? I learned, today, something important -- the teenage mind is its own worst enemy. Oh, I also learned this... [Beeping] Operation Phoenix is not the fallback I thought it would be. I guess it’s back to the drawing board."
4794,18,Summer,":  Oh, my God!"
4795,18,Morty,":  Oh, my God!"
4796,18,Summer,":  Oh, my God. Put some pants on! Put pants on."
4797,18,Rick,":  Grandpa’s back, baby! Grandpa’s -- [Buzz] Oh, man, I gotta pick up your parents. They have been blowin’ me up. One last swing for the road! Aaaaaaaaaaah!"
4798,18,Summer,":  For the love of God, get dressed!"
4799,18,Jerry,":  So, what do you think? You wanna keep this marriage going a while longer?"
4800,18,Beth,:  At least until Morty has graduated high school. Oh. Mm.
4801,18,Rick,":  Aha, you see? What did I tell you two? It worked."
4802,18,Jerry,":  You know what, Rick? I guess, in a way -- "
4803,18,Rick,":  already lost interest. Get in the car. I’ve been inside a kid all day and, now, I can feel my bones scraping each other. Uh, just so you’re prepared, there’s a bunch of dead mes in the garage."
4804,18,Jerry,:  Huh! Sounds like our stories were connected by a theme.
4805,18,Rick,":  Not really, Jerry. Probably a cosmetic connection your mind mistakes for thematic."
4806,18,Jerry,:  Oh.
4807,18,Rick,:  Old Rick! Ruinin’ everything!
4808,18,Vampire,:  Master.
4809,18,Master,:  Speak.
4810,18,Vampire,:  Coach feratu’s presence was discovered by the humans. He has been destroyed.
4811,18,Master,":  No bother. The mortals shall soon -- I’m sorry, what did you say his name was?"
4812,18,Vampire,:  Coach feratu. Coach feratu.
4813,18,Master,":  That was his real name, like his actual vampire name?"
4814,18,Vampire,:  No no no no. His vampire name was balik alistane.
4815,18,Master,:  Why the [Bleep] would he name himself after a famous vampire movie? Was he doing a bit?
4816,18,Vampire,":  I do not know, your unholiness."
4817,18,Master,":  Jesus [Bleep] Christ. From now on, no more of this clever-name bullshit. When a vampire is pretending to be a human, they can just call themselves Alan Jefferson or something like that. It’s crazy, right? I mean, am I being an asshole? Okay, I feel like everybody in the room is looking at me like I’m the buzzkill. I’m not? Good. Okay. Great."
4818,19,Rick,": Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine!
"
4819,19,Morty,": Woahh!
"
4820,19,Rick,": ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth.
"
4821,19,Beth,": Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia?
"
4822,19,Rick,": I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine.
"
4823,19,Beth,": Not anymore.
"
4824,19,Rick,": You're overreacting!
"
4825,19,Alien, 
4826,19,Rick,": Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR.
"
4827,19,Summer,": Is he going to die?
"
4828,19,Alien, 
4829,19,Dr,. 
4830,19,Rick,": What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the gal(Belch)axy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest?
"
4831,19,Beth,": Go in the waiting room, Dad.
"
4832,19,Rick,": Fine! (Transition to the waiting room) Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do.(Rick walks up to a TV and smashes the cable box)
"
4833,19,Alien Nurse,": Hey! What are you doing!?!
"
4834,19,Rick,": A sequel.
"
4835,19,Alien Nurse,": I don't understand.
"
4836,19,Rick,": Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time. (On the TV: Inter-dimensional Cable II)
"
4837,19,Randy Dicknose,": Man vs. Car. The newest hit show where it pits a man vs. a car. Tonight's episode Jenkins fights... a regular old car. Here we go. He's pushin' his way through, he's trying to fight that car. The car seems to have the upper hand- Oh, he just got some push-back there.
"
4838,19,Randy Dicknose,": Oh, he just got ran over and chewed up by the tires. I guess that's another one for the car. Ha ha ha ha ha... I mean, wouldn't the cars always win...?
"
4839,19,Alien Man,": Samantha, I need to know that you understand that I have a couple of eye-holes. (The Alien tears off some skin flaps and reveals some eye-holes)
"
4840,19,Samantha,": I do, I do understand about your eye-holes! Here, look at my eye-holes! (She tears off her skin flap to reveal many more eye-holes)
"
4841,19,Alien Man,": Oh, my goodness you have eight eye-holes! (Their eye-holes make contact and start to ""kiss"") Oh, I'm looking through your eye-holes!
"
4842,19,Samantha,": Yes, look through my eye-holes!
"
4843,19,Eye-hole Man,": I'm the Eye-hole Man! I'm the only one whose allowed... to have eye-holes! (He kicks the eye-holes out of the aliens' heads) Get on up outta here with my eye-holes!
"
4844,19,Announcer,": Eye-holes! Get them today! IKEA.
"
4845,19,Rick,": You gotta be careful Morty, if that guy catches you with a box of his eye-holes he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit outta you. But it's worth the risk, they melt in your mouth Morty! They're delicious.
"
4846,19,Beth,": I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal, we're worried about Jerry.
"
4847,19,Rick,": Well you're thirty-nine years too late, or however old he is. Is he fifty? Jesus, Christ, Beth is, is Jerry fifity!?
"
4848,19,Jerry,": Where am I?
"
4849,19,Alien Doctor,": Relax Mr. Smith, you're in an alien hospital. I mean to you it's an alien hospital, to me you're just in a hospital. There's another matter we need to discuss with you.
"
4850,19,Jerry," Ok?
"
4851,19,Alien 1,": An hour ago Shrimply Pibbles, the galaxy's most influential civil rights leader, was brought to this hospital's emergency room where he is currently fighting for his life!
"
4852,19,Jerry,": My God!
"
4853,19,Alien 1,": Mr. Smith, Shrimply Pibble's life can be saved if we replace his heart with your human penis.
"
4854,19,Jerry,": I see-WAIT! What?
"
4855,19,Alien Doctor,": It's perfect! The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call ""your balls"". With relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be molded into a functioning heart for the most important man in the universe!
"
4856,19,Jerry,": Yeah, but, I mean-
"
4857,19,Alien 2,": Oh, forget it! I told you this was a waste of time!
"
4858,19,Alien 1,": Have respect Yarp, the earth man's world is tiny and undeveloped. He knows nothing of the genocides of Klorgon or the tragic events of 6-5.3-4-3-2.2-3-14
"
4859,19,Old Alien,": And even if he did, he wouldn't comprehend them. I've dwelt among the humans. Their entire culture is built around their penises. It's funny to say they are small, it's funny to say they are big. I've been at parties, where humans have held bottles, pencils, thermoses in front of themselves and called out ""hey look at me! I'm Mr. so and so dick."" ""I've got such and such for a penis."" I never saw it fail to get a laugh.
"
4860,19,Jerry,": Alright! That's enough. You guys are talking about my species! We understand genocide, we do it sometimes!
"
4861,19,Alien 1,": Then you would give your penis so that Shrimply Pibbles may live?
"
4862,19,Alien 2,": Stop asking!
"
4863,19,Jerry,": Yes I will! That's right, assholes, take my penis, TAKE IT ALL! And tell Shrimply Pimples that when the galaxy came calling, Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch!
"
4864,19,Rick,": Hey, what's wrong Morty? Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh?
"
4865,19,Morty,": Huh? Uh, no no no, I'm-I'm just looking at that lady getting coffee. What's up with her face? Is she a human or is she like Worf. You know Worf, from Star Trek, how he has the shit all over his face but he's just a human in a costume, you know?
"
4866,19,Rick,": Morty let's-let's see what else is on.
"
4867,19,Morty,": Okay.
"
4868,19,TV Host,": And now we're back to ""How Did I Get Here?"" The only show that makes you ask ""How Did I Get Here?"" (Weird laughing from him) Here's our first person!
"
4869,19,Worf Lady,": Oh, oh my goodness! How did I get here? HELLO!?! How did I get here!?! Somebody help me, please!
"
4870,19,TV Host,": Ha ha ha ha, right!
"
4871,19,Morty,": Whoa! Look! It's that lady with all that shit on her face like Worf from Star Trek! Tha-That was getting coffee! How did she get there!
"
4872,19,Rick,": Oh, man Morty. How DID she get there?
"
4873,19,TV Host,": How DID she get there? He he (winks at the camera)
"
4874,19,Beth,": Is that something we should be concerned about?
"
4875,19,Rick,": Just stay away from the coffee machine.
"
4876,19,TV,": Calling all Jan-Michael Vincent's, calling all Jan-Michael Vincent's!
"
4877,19,Announcer,": In a world, where there's eight Jan-Michael Vincents.
"
4878,19,Intercom (TV),": We need one Jan-Michael Vincent to quadrant C. Two Jan-Michael Vincents to quadrant E.
"
4879,19,Announcer,": And sixteen quadrants. There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant. He can't be in two quadrants at once.
"
4880,19,Morty,": Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent?
"
4881,19,Rick,": Oh man, I'm trying to remember Morty.
"
4882,19,Announcer,": Jan-Michael Vincents are used up.
"
4883,19,(On TV), 
4884,19,Morty,": Is it important that we know who Jan-Michael Vincent is in order to get this?
"
4885,19,Rick,": Nope.
"
4886,19,Alien-Robo Judge,": I refuse to sign the legislation that allows more than eight Jan-Michael Vincents to a precinct.
"
4887,19,Announcer,": This JANuary, It's time to MIKE down your Vincent's. Jan Quadrant Vincent 16.
"
4888,19,Rick and Morty,": Whoa!
"
4889,19,Rick,": That's Jan-Michaels.
"
4890,19,Morty,": Excuse me, nurse, can you take my temperature? Because I think I have Jan Quadrant Vincent fever over here.
"
4891,19,Rick,": All right, Morty you've done it!
"
4892,19,Alien Doctor,": So, we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base by making incisions here,here, and here. (The Alien Doctor draws on Jerry with a red marker)
"
4893,19,Jerry,": Got it.
"
4894,19,Alien Doctor,": Leaving a partial length of severed urethra to be threaded through-
"
4895,19,Jerry,": (Laughs nervously) Oh, you know what, I gotta laugh at myself here! I'm having a little laugh at myself because I just realized I haven't run this whole decision past my wife.
"
4896,19,Alien Doctor,": Oh, do you think she'll be okay with this?
"
4897,19,Jerry,": Oh, absolutely. Beth is automatically on board, always, with every decision I make.
"
4898,19,Stealy,": Hey, I'm Stealy. Follow me on my adventure through this office. Alright, here we go. We're gonna just steal a couple of things. (He walks into another room and just starts taking things)
"
4899,19,Business Man,": Excuse me. Can I help you?
"
4900,19,Stealy,": Starting with common office objects.
"
4901,19,Business Man,": Hey, hey, hey! That's my stuff!
"
4902,19,Stealy,": Such as staplers and pins and all sorts of things like-such as that.
"
4903,19,Business Man,": That's it. I'm calling security.
"
4904,19,Stealy,": All right, okay, we're in the quiet safe room where none of the people whose stuff I stole can get to us. Now, let's look at all the stuff we got. We got a bag of Bobbish. That's eight brapples. We got a plumbus. That's six and a half brapples. We got, uh, a-crushed party cups. Fifteen and a half brapples.
"
4905,19,Comedian,": Welcome back to ""funny songs"". It's all improvised. It's very funny. I need a volunteer from the audience.
"
4906,19,A man in the audience,": Um, longtime fan of the show. Uh-
"
4907,19,Comedian,": What do you do? What is your profession?
"
4908,19,A man in the audience,": I am a tax attorney.
"
4909,19,Comedian,": Okay, here we go. Hit-hit the music. (Bad singing): I'm a tax attorney oh, geez, oh forget about everybody else, forget about Jesus Christ, forget about Muhammed, forget about.... all those religions! Ba da ba ba da ba bop! The end.
"
4910,19,A man in the audience,": Oh man. Oh, that was so-so funny. Thank you.
"
4911,19,Comedian,": You're welcome. Hey, um, security guards, take him out. Get him out of here.
"
4912,19,A man in the audience,": What?
"
4913,19,Comedian,": Get the orthodontist out of here.
"
4914,19,A man in the audience,": No! Why?!?
"
4915,19,Comedian,": Take him out of the audience. Kill him. Sick him. (A dog runs in and attacks) Demons, suck his life out. I don't give a shit.
"
4916,19,Alien Doctor,": Smith family?
"
4917,19,Beth,": Yes?
"
4918,19,Alien Doctor,":I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine.
"
4919,19,All,": Yeah, whoo, awesome, called it, that's good news!
"
4920,19,Alien Doctor,": But, ah, Mrs. Smith, could you come with me?
"
4921,19,Jerry,": Hi, honey, so, here's the thing-these guys-they want to completely remove my penis and use it as an alien's heart, and we just need you to sign off on it.
"
4922,19,Beth,": WHAT!?!
"
4923,19,Jerry,": Uh-oh, maybe we have a problem here after all guys. Yikes.
"
4924,19,Alien Doctor,": His penis will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic, now there's a wide range of options to chose from, they're all in this catalog.
"
4925,19,Beth,": I don't care about prosthetics, this is insane! What do you people think you're doing?
"
4926,19,Alien Doctor,": I understand your feelings, Mrs. Smith.
"
4927,19,Beth,": Oh, I don't think you do. I bring my husband in for emergency medical treatment, he's gone an hour, and now you want his PENIS, and you hand me some... catalog. It's--It's--It's--It's, I mean.
"
4928,19,Jerry,": Sheesh, well, there you go. Sorry. I know it's hard to understand, but on Earth, love comes first.
"
4929,19,Alien Doctor,": There are those that believe, Mr. Smith, that Shrimply Pibbles represents love between all life. His fate will determine the fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life forms.
"
4930,19,Beth,": Woah! Woah. So, billions of life forms?
"
4931,19,Alien Doctor,": Hundreds of billions.
"
4932,19,Beth,": I mean, Jerry, y-you didn't explain the full gravity of the situation.
"
4933,19,Jerry,": Uh, well, Beth, I don't think your decision should be based on politics. Who could argue with a wife's decision to keep her LOVER INTACT.
"
4934,19,Beth,": Well I don't think that's fair at all, Jerry. At all. In fact, I think this whole paradigm has sexist overtones.
"
4935,19,Jerry,": Beth, can we talk about this privately?
"
4936,19,Beth,": You know, I think, the bottom line is, Jerry, if you want to keep your penis, you should say, out loud, ""I prefer to keep my penis.""
"
4937,19,Jerry,": (louder): But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that if the universe needed his penis!?!
"
4938,19,Beth,": Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be if I did anything to stand in your way?
"
4939,19,Restaurant chef,": Hey, listen, is your mouth tiny and small? Then why don't you come down to 'Little Bits?'
"
4940,19,Background whisper,": LIttle Bits!
"
4941,19,Resturant chef," (improvised): Where the food is tiny...it looks like regular food. But really tiny. You put it in your mouth and eat it. Nothing gets stuck in your lips. It's just tiny and tiny and fits (laughter) fits right in!
"
4942,19,Background whisper: ,"Little Bits!
"
4943,19,Restaurant chef: (improvised)," We got....tiny uh-lasagna. tiny pizza, tiny pie. Mmh! Little tiny...fried eggs! (surprised) Oh, shit! We got tiny people!
"
4944,19,Background whisper,": Little Bits!
"
4945,19,Restaurant chef (improvised),":You hungry? Come on down! 
"
4946,19,Background whisper,": Little Bits!
"
4947,19,Restaurant chef,": Eat some fucking shit, you fucking stupid bitch! (laughter) Just kidding.
"
4948,19,Alien doctor:," You got some time to kill befpre the procedure, so I assume you'd like to uh....use your penis one last time. Here's my computer. It's got the alien internet on it. (He clicks and a window opens where tentacles tickle an alien hole of some sorts) There's some...porn. And there's an alien towel- I actually got that on another planet, so it is an alien towel to me! Good luck!
"
4949,19,Jerry," (disspirited): Thanks. (he watches the doctor leave with a hopeless expression, looks at the towel and sighs. He sits down, clicks the alien porn away and finds secluded information about Shrimply Pibbles.) What is this? (he takes a closer look) Hmm..Hey! Wait a minute!
"
4950,19,Alien doctor," (from outside): Oh, um...Mr. Smith!
"
4951,19,Jerry ,"(lying hastily while pulling down his pants): Yeah, just masturbating!
"
4952,19,Alien doctor," (enters): I forgot to mention, there are extensive medical records open on my desktop, but >I trust you to confine your activities to the purely pornographic.
"
4953,19,Jerry," (overly serious): Absolutely!
"
4954,19,Alien doctor," (whlile leaving) Good luck!
"
4955,19,Jerry," (raises his eyebrow and can't believe his luck): My God! (laughs) Mr. Pibbles. (leans back and folds his arms behind his head) You just wrote my penis a one-way ticket to staying on my body town.
"
4956,19,Announcer:," It's the Opposite news, with Michael Thompson!
"
4957,19,Michael Thompson:," Hey, everybody, it's me, Michael Thompson! Today, the pope...didn't..get killed! (His body gets a tug to the right and he looks irritated.) He's perfectly fine...and he's on vacation on Aruba.Uh. In other opposite news information-
"
4958,19,Morty (confused and a little concerned):," Hey, Rick ..what's the deal with this guy? Why is his body, like..sloping off to the right side of the screen like that?
"
4959,19,Rick (indifferent):," I dunno. Let's see what else is on, huh?
"
4960,19,Pichael Thompson:," Hey, welcome to 'cooking things'! I'm Pichael Thompson!
"
4961,19,Morty:," Hey, look, rick! This guy's body is, like, sloping down and leaning off to screen left!
"
4962,19,Rick:," Oh my God, and his name's Pichael!
"
4963,19,Pichael Thomson:," I'm cooking a little bit of this, I'm gonna cook a little bit of that.. (He gets irritated as he tugged and pulls Michael Thompson over to his side, their bodies are connected) Oh, hey! Stop tugging, Michael!
"
4964,19,Morty (gets it):," Oh my God, Siamese twins! They're siamese twins!
"
4965,19,Michael Thompson,": You quit tugging! I'm in the middle of my news!
"
4966,19,Pichael Thompson:," Oh, oh, it's always about you, isn't it. Can you believe this guy, ladies and gentlemen? He'S got his own news show, he' got a normal name..
"
4967,19,Morty:," Hey, flip back to the news!
"
4968,19,Rick:," Oh, yeah, yeah,yeah!
"
4969,19,Pichael Thomson:," You can tell our parents started with naming him.It's like, oh, Michael. They had that one planned before they even got pregnant, I bet.
"
4970,19,Summer:," I don't wanna be that girl, but maybe there would be less conflict if they didn't shoot there shows at the same time?
"
4971,19,Rick:," Uh, Summer, you have no idea how much money that must save productions.
"
4972,19,Pichael Thompson:," And then they found out I was attached to him along for the ride and they said, 'Ah well, shit. Ah, just fuck it, call him Pichael!
"
4973,19,Michael Thompson:," Fuck you, Pichael! You're a fucking piece of shit!
"
4974,19,Alien  1:," Good afternoon!I know all of you are wondering about the condition of our dear beloved Pibbles. 
"
4975,19,Beth," (quietly to Jerry): Which would you prefer between the XP20 and the XP20XS?
"
4976,19,Jerry ,"(angrily): I prefer my own penis! And so should you! (they stare at each other madly before getting interrupted by Alien 1):
"
4977,19,Alien 1:," The brave earth man whose sacrifice is going to allow Shrimply Pibbles to live.Mr. Jerry Smith (cheering, Jerry walks over to the microphone)
"
4978,19,Jerry:," Hello, everyone! Let's hear it again for Shrimply Pibbles, huh. (more cheering, cut to the audience) He's a good guy, isn't he? (cut back to Jerry, he looks like he's got a plan) I've just been learning about his accomplishments, from his march on Flirk Blirk Square, to his ongoing battle with heroin dependancy, he's the best. (looks arrogant, but is startled as more cheering comes his way) Um...yeah..well...it occurs to me that his heroin addiction may not have been a matter of public record!
"
4979,19,Male, 
4980,19,Female reporter alien:," His planet got destroyed by Clorgon death squads, he can't live outside of it without breathing heroin.
"
4981,19,Jerry," (insecure): Right! I know that! I just think...(breathes deeply to search for an answer)
"
4982,19,Male reporter alien 2,": This guy's trying to get out of giving away his penis! (crowd starts to boo and jeer)
"
4983,20,Morty,"    I got to tell you, Rick. It’s pretty great to be in this spaceship, just the two of us, you know? Just cruising around, Rick and Morty style."
4984,20,Rick,"    I agree, Morty. [ Belches ] It’s nice to get back to the basics after a pretty intense, mixed-bag of a year."
4985,20,Morty,    Ohh!
4986,20,Rick,    Relax. That’s what windshields are for.
4987,20,Morty,    I didn’t know that there were bugs out in space.
4988,20,Rick,"    Well, w-what did you think, Morty? Life just developed on earth by itself? Here, let me take care of this."
4989,20,Morty,"    Geez, Rick, that’s disgusting. I don’t want to look at that."
4990,20,Rick,"    Yeah, guess I’m out of fluid. L-let me find a place to stop. Hey, muchacho, does your planet have wiper fluid yet, or are you gonna freak out and start worshipping us?"
4991,20,Farmer,    The general store ought to have what you need.
4992,20,Rick,    Thanks.
4993,20,Farmer,"    Of course, you’ll be wanting to be gone from here by sundown."
4994,20,Rick,"    Yeah, sure thing. Wait a minute. What? Why?"
4995,20,Farmer,    Sundown is when the festival begins.
4996,20,Morty,    The festival?
4997,20,Farmer,"    Ooh, well, for millennia, our society has been free of crime and war, living in perfect peace."
4998,20,Rick,"    Oh, I know what this is! You’ve been able to sustain world peace because you have one night a year where you all run around robbing and murdering each other without consequence."
4999,20,Farmer,    That’s right.
5000,20,Morty,    What?!
5001,20,Rick,"    It’s like ""the purge,"" Morty. That movie ""the purge""?"
5002,20,Farmer,"    Oh, have you been here before?"
5003,20,Rick,"    No, no, but I’ve been to a few planets with the same gimmick. You know, sometimes it’s called the cleansing or the red time. There was this one world that called it just murder night. I-it’s a purge planet. They’re peaceful, and then, you know, they just purge."
5004,20,Morty,    T-that’s horrible!
5005,20,Rick,    Yeah. You want to check it out?
5006,20,Rick,"    So, what do you do during the festival? You lock yourself in, or you go out and do some stuff?"
5007,20,General Store Owner,"    Oh, I do some pretty bad stuff."
5008,20,Rick,"    Oh, I bet you do, old timer. [ Laughs ]"
5009,20,Morty,"    Gee... Rick, come on. The sun is setting. W-we got to get out of here."
5010,20,Rick,"    All right, well, w-what do I owe you for the wiper fluid?"
5011,20,General Store Owner,"    It’s on the house. Oh, and, uh, why... why don’t you have some candy bars, as well?"
5012,20,Rick,"    Oh, no way. That’s really nice of you."
5013,20,General Store Owner,    I’m a nice guy... For now.
5014,20,Rick,"    [ Chuckling ] Ohh, I don’t doubt it."
5015,20,Morty,    Rick!
5016,20,Rick,"    Yeah, yeah. Hey, have a good festival, old timer."
5017,20,General Store Owner,    I intend to.
5018,20,Morty,"    Rick, unlock it!"
5019,20,Rick,"    Just a second, Morty. Oh, look at that sunset."
5020,20,Morty,    Stop screwing around.
5021,20,Rick,    There we go. Much better. Now we can see.
5022,20,Morty,    Great.
5023,20,Rick,"    Hey, you know what, Morty? Why don’t we christen our squeaky-clean windshield here by watching a little of this purge through it?"
5024,20,Morty,    What?! No! What is your problem?!
5025,20,Rick,"    Morty, grow up. If you don’t want to watch, don’t watch, but, you know, it’s my car. [ Belches ] Also, if you tell your mom about this, I’ll purge you."
5026,20,Morty,"    You’re the worst. And this planet is the worst. How can you be into this? You know, people are gonna kill each other."
5027,20,Rick,"    So, what, y-y-you trying to sit here and tell me that [belches] I-if... if there’s a video online with someone getting decapitated, you don’t click on it?"
5028,20,Morty,    No! Why... why would I do that? You do that?
5029,20,Rick,"    I don’t, because it would bore me. I see shit like that for breakfast, Morty. But if you don’t do it, I say it’s because you’re afraid of your own primal instincts. So you stuff them down and... [ Bell chiming ] Oh, oh! Shh. Shh. It’s starting. Oh-ho-ho! Here we go."
5030,20,Morty,    I’m not watching.
5031,20,Rick,"    Yeah, yeah, yeah, your medal’s in the mail. I’m gonna get a closer look."
5032,20,Morty,"    Oh, okay, sure. And then someone’s gonna throw a rock and hit the car and then we’re gonna crash and we’re gonna be stuck down there and it’s gonna be what we deserve."
5033,20,Rick,"    Yawn. Whoa! [ Indistinct shouting ] Whoa, they are purging the F[Bleep] out of each other.  [ Muffled screaming ] Oh, my God! Oh [Bleep] That was... okay, yeah. T-that was gross. Wow. Man, I think my eyes were bigger than my stomach on this one, Morty. Ugh. My appetite for purge-spectating got filled pretty quick. Oh, God. [ Grunts ]"
5034,20,Arthrisha,    Get away from me! No! No! Help! Somebody help me! Aah!
5035,20,Rick,"    All right, Morty. L-let’s get out of here."
5036,20,Morty,"    Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. W-we have to go down there."
5037,20,Rick,    [ Belching ] What? Why?
5038,20,Morty,    That poor girl. W-we have to save her.
5039,20,Rick,"    Uh, Morty, in space, we have something we call the non-interference policy. We got the wiper fluid. We watched them kill each other. We’re leaving."
5040,20,Morty,"    Help me save that girl, or I’m telling mom you brought me here."
5041,20,Rick,    You little turd. [ Screaming ]
5042,20,Arthrisha,    Please! Leave me alone!
5043,20,Man,    Leave you alone? During a purge?
5044,20,Man,"    I don’t think so, baby."
5045,20,Morty,    It’s okay. We’re not gonna hurt you. My name is Morty. This is my grandpa. We’re tourists.
5046,20,Rick,"    Not anymore. Aah! Aah! Oh, my God. This is [Bleep] awesome! Morty, this is really cool. Hey, y-you want to help me out here and kill some people? It’s fun. We’re totally justified because we’re saving a little girl. I mean, w-w-we’re both free and clear to murder these people."
5047,20,Morty,    Are you okay?
5048,20,Arthrisha,    Yes. I have to find somewhere to hide.
5049,20,Morty,"    Well, you can hide with us. Rick?"
5050,20,Rick,    Yeah?
5051,20,Morty,    Do you think we could take... w-what’s your name?
5052,20,Arthrisha,    Arthrisha.
5053,20,Morty,"    Could we take arthrisha up in the ship and, you know, just wait out the purge?"
5054,20,Rick,"    Oh, Morty, how can I refuse after all you’ve done to blackmail me?"
5055,20,Arthrisha,    Your vehicle... is it from the gods?
5056,20,Morty,    No.
5057,20,Rick,    Yes.
5058,20,Morty,"    So, uh, you know, when the purge started, did people get into it right away, or were they like, ""wait, what?"" This is gonna stop crime how, exactly?"""
5059,20,Arthrisha,"    Yeah, it took some time for people to accept it."
5060,20,Morty,"    Yeah, I bet. [ Chuckles ] I bet. Yeah, it’s kind of like cellphones, you know? At first, everyone was like, ""look at those douchebags purging,"" and then the next thing you know, they’re like, ""it’s just so convenient."""
5061,20,Rick,"    Geez, you working on your tight five for the comedy store, Morty?"
5062,20,Jerry,"    Whatcha doing? Watching some TV, playing on your phone?"
5063,20,Summer,    Is that a real question?
5064,20,Jerry,    Just making conversation.
5065,20,Summer,    Are you? What part of that gives me anything to work with?
5066,20,Summer,"    My choice is to say nothing, be sarcastic, or bark ""yes"" like a trained animal. It’s not a conversation. You’re holding me verbally hostage."
5067,20,Jerry,"    Okay, ass-face. I’ll go in the kitchen."
5068,20,Summer,"    Hey, dad."
5069,20,Jerry,    Yeah?
5070,20,Summer,    Whatcha doing? Going into the kitchen?
5071,20,Jerry,    Okay.
5072,20,Summer,"    Yeah, you like that?"
5073,20,Jerry,    Screw you.
5074,20,Morty,"    So, uh, do most people wear masks when they purge?"
5075,20,Arthrisha,    I-I don’t want to answer any more purge questions.
5076,20,Morty,"    All right, hey, hey, that’s cool. I can roll with that."
5077,20,Arthrisha,    [ Gasps ] My Nana!
5078,20,Rick,    Huh?
5079,20,Arthrisha,    My Nana! We have to save her!
5080,20,Rick,    You just now remembered your Nana exists.
5081,20,Arthrisha,    I-I was traumatized.
5082,20,Rick,"    Haven’t you been through like 15 purges? I mean, some as a child?"
5083,20,Arthrisha,    Will somebody just help me get her?
5084,20,Rick,"    Fine, whatever. Morty, stay."
5085,20,Morty,"    Oh, God. Oh, crap. Oh, crap!"
5086,20,Arthrisha,    Get out! Get out!
5087,20,Morty,"    Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!"
5088,20,Arthrisha,    Get the [Bleep] out of the flying machine!
5089,20,Morty,"    Oh, my God! O-okay! Okay!"
5090,20,Arthrisha,"    Back up, asshole."
5091,20,Morty,    [ Whimpers ]
5092,20,Arthrisha,    Back up.
5093,20,Morty,    Ohh.
5094,20,Arthrisha,    Back the [Bleep] up!
5095,20,Morty,    Aah!
5096,20,Arthrisha,"    For what it’s worth, I’m sorry, but that’s not really worth anything tonight, is it?"
5097,20,Morty,"    Y-you can’t leave us here. You’re killing us! You hear me? Come back. Y-you got to come back. Change your mind. Oh, geez."
5098,20,Rick,"    Morty! Aah! [Bleep] Amish bitch shot me! [ Grunts ] She tried to purge me, Morty. You let your wiener do the walking, and now I’m dead."
5099,20,Morty,"    Rick, she took the car!"
5100,20,Rick,"    You [Bleep] kidding me, Morty?! She took my car and the gun. We’re like the rest of these assholes now. W-w-we’re gonna get purged, Morty. Help me up."
5101,20,Morty,"    Oh, geez, geez! Wait a minute, Rick. Why don’t we just use your portal gun?"
5102,20,Rick,"    It’s in the car, dip-ass. [ Grunts ] Oh, God, it hurts. She got me right in the goddamn liver, Morty. It’s the hardest-working liver in the galaxy, Morty, and now it has a hole in it. I hope it was worth it."
5103,20,Morty,    I was just trying to do right.
5104,20,Rick,"    Yeah, well, that’s not really the theme of tonight’s party. Heads up. Rapists. Well, don’t just stand there, Morty. Purge ‘em."
5105,20,Morty,    Me?
5106,20,Rick,"    No, me. Should I rub my liver hole on them? Pick up a stick or something and kill them."
5107,20,Morty,"    Um, w-we come in peace."
5108,20,Rick,"    Oh, my God. [ Grunts ] There’s more where that came from! You want to get purged, you bring it! Drop [Belches] drop your sh1t! Drop it all. Morty, go get their sh1t. Hurry up. I only had one of those things I threw. I’m holding a box of tic tacs right now."
5109,20,Jerry,    Want some crackers?
5110,20,Summer,"    No, thank you."
5111,20,Jerry,    Are you ready to be nice to me?
5112,20,Summer,    In exchange for crackers?
5113,20,Jerry,    What happened to you?
5114,20,Summer,"    Dad, get a job."
5115,20,Jerry,    You’re trying to create drama because you’re bored.
5116,20,Summer,"    Oh. [ Beeping, whirring ] It’s the space phone grandpa gave us. Hello?"
5117,20,Rick,"    Hey, Summer, it’s grandpa. I need you to do me a favor."
5118,20,Summer,    I can barely hear you.
5119,20,Jerry,    Who is it?
5120,20,Rick,    Morty and I are on a planet that’s purging. I need you to take down...
5121,20,Summer,    A plan that’s what?
5122,20,Rick,"    We’re on a planet that’s purging, Summer. Purging. We lost our car and my gun, and we’re in a purge."
5123,20,Jerry,"    Ooh, is it taddi Mason?"
5124,20,Summer,"    Like the movie ""the purge""?"
5125,20,Rick,"    Yes, I-I need you to take... that movie sucked."
5126,20,Summer,"    Oh, my God. Hold on. It’s not taddi Mason? Dad, who the [Bleep] is taddi Mason? My friend."
5127,20,Summer,    Aah! Are you okay? I’m putting you on speaker.
5128,20,Jerry,    Taddi?
5129,20,Rick,"    Yes, Jerry, it’s taddi, a person no one’s ever heard of until now, calling you on a space phone. I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic."
5130,20,Rick,"    [ Growls ] Aah! [ Growling ] [ Gunshots ] Reload, fast."
5131,20,Morty,"    Summer, w-we need you to take down this number. Quit screwing around."
5132,20,Jerry,     Morty? Are you all right?
5133,20,Morty,    No!
5134,20,Jerry,    Why are you with taddi Mason?
5135,20,Morty,    Holy [Bleep] dad! Shut the [Bleep] up!
5136,20,Jerry,    Okay. I guess I’m just this entire family’s toilet paper.
5137,20,Morty,    Are you writing this down? Will you please write this down?
5138,20,Summer,"     Yes, yes."
5139,20,Rick,"    7-7-1-9-8...[ Growling ] 3-6-4-2-1-1-2-5. Aah! [ Growling ] You son of a bitch! Morty, I don’t want to be the ""a little help"" guy, but a little help? Aah!"
5140,20,Summer,"    Okay, I have a pen. Go."
5141,20,Rick,"    7-7-1-9-8-3- 6-4-2-1-1-2-5. A spoon, Morty? A spoon?!"
5142,20,Morty,    I’m sorry.
5143,20,Rick,"    There’s a pile of silverware next to you, and you throw me the one thing that can never kill anything?"
5144,20,Morty,"    All right, okay!"
5145,20,Rick,"    Summer, on the shelf above my workbench in the garage, there’s a red box with a keypad on it. You’re gonna take that box outside, and you’re gonna type the number I just gave you into the keypad. Got it?"
5146,20,Summer,    Got it. Is it just part of growing up to hate your dad?
5147,20,Rick,"    I’m ignoring you. Morty, if I can get to the top of that lighthouse, I can send the beacon, and your sister can launch our package. Just remember, if there’s people in there and they try to purge us, we got to purge them first."
5148,20,Morty,"    We’re not purging anyone, Rick, all right? W-will you stop it?"
5149,20,Rick,"    Morty, if we’re gonna survive tonight, you’re gonna need to harness your repressed rage."
5150,20,Morty,    I don’t have any!
5151,20,Rick,    Spoken like a person with repressed rage.
5152,20,Lighthouse Keeper,"    I take no part in the festival. If you desire to kill me, I only ask you do it quickly."
5153,20,Rick,"    No such agenda, chief."
5154,20,Morty,"    We’re not too keen on the purge, either, sir. We were just hoping to get on the roof of your lighthouse so we can send a beacon to my sister on earth. It’s a different planet."
5155,20,Rick,"    By the way, life on other planets exists. Don’t let it distract you."
5156,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    I’ll let you use my lighthouse for shelter and beacon-sending on the condition that you listen to my tale.
5157,20,Morty,    Okay.
5158,20,Rick,"    Deal. All right, I’m gonna go to the roof and set things up. Morty, you listen to his tale."
5159,20,Morty,    Okay.
5160,20,lighthouse keeper,"    [ Clears throat ]
    ""Fade in. Exterior. Unnamed city. Day.""
    The hustle and bustle is a symphony of progress.
    We pan past windows, each of which contain a different story, to find jacey lakims, 28... hot, but doesn’t know it.
    Jacey stops when her high heel gets caught in the grating of a sewer.
    Suddenly, a man steps into frame and points a gun at her.
    This is not her day.
    Fade to black.
    ""Title... ‘three weeks earlier.’"""
5161,20,Jerry,    [ sighs ] You really don’t want to talk to me about this.
5162,20,Summer,"    Dad, grandpa and Morty are in danger. You’re unemployed, and you’re bored. They’re a higher priority."
5163,20,Jerry,    Stop saying I’m unemployed!
5164,20,Summer,"    Okay, 7-7-1-9-8-3-6-4-2-1-1 2... aah!"
5165,20,Jerry,"    Good lord! Now what? [ Whirring, humming ] Look, I’m your father, and I love you is all I’m saying. I’ll leave it at that."
5166,20,Summer,"    Fine, dad! [ Both scream ] Oh, he might have said to take it outside."
5167,20,Rick,"    Come on, Summer. How hard is it to type some numbers into a box? Target locked. [ Device beeps ] Oh, thank God. Well, I did my job. Summer did her job. Now all Morty has to do is finish listening to that tale."
5168,20,lighthouse keeper,"    ""Blane: Maybe I don’t need a new friend.""
    Jacey: Maybe you’re the only friend I need.
    Blane: Need, or want?
    Jacey: I’ve never been much for wanting.
    ""Blane: Spoken like someone with needs."""
5169,20,Morty,"    Oh, geez."
5170,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    Hmm?
5171,20,Morty,"    Uh, sorry. K-keep going."
5172,20,lighthouse keeper,"    ""Jacey reaches out and touches his face.""
    It’s clear he needs what she wants.
    She’s a woman. He’s a man.
    The city burns in the background as he takes her in his arms.
    Fade out.
    Title... ‘the end’...
    ""Question mark."""
5173,20,Morty,    Wow.
5174,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    Yeah?
5175,20,Morty,    It’s... G-good job. Good job.
5176,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    You liked it?
5177,20,Morty,    Of course I did.
5178,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    You didn’t laugh at the scene in the bar.
5179,20,Morty,"    I...Thought it was funny, but I wanted to hear the rest."
5180,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    Do you have any thoughts? Notes?
5181,20,Morty,"    No. I-I just enjoyed it. That’s my note, you know? Please write more."
5182,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    Seems a little insincere.
5183,20,Morty,    What? No.
5184,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    You don’t have to mollycoddle me. I want to improve my writing. Tell me your real thoughts.
5185,20,Morty,"    All right. Well, um, I’m not a huge fan, personally, of the whole ""three weeks earlier"" teaser thing. I feel like, you know, we should start our stories where they begin not start them where they get interest... "
5186,20,Lighthouse Keeper,get out.
5187,20,Morty,"    Um, what?"
5188,20,Lighthouse Keeper,"    No, I’m sick of this. You bang on my door, you beg me to help you, I share something personal with you, and you take a giant sh1t on it."
5189,20,Morty,"    Hey, man, we asked if we could put up a beacon... "
5190,20,Lighthouse Keeper,"   well, you can’t. I want you out of here. You’re a petty person, and you’re insecure, and you’re taking it out on me. That’s a good script."
5191,20,Morty,    What the hell?!
5192,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    I don’t care. I want you out.
5193,20,Rick,    What?
5194,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    Take that thing down. Your grandson is a shitty person. Leave now.
5195,20,Rick,    Morty!
5196,20,Morty,"    Rick, I didn’t do anything. I sat through his entire screenplay... "
5197,20,Lighthouse Keeper,"    you ""sat through it""?"
5198,20,Morty,    Yes! Did you want me to weep with joy? It’s terrible!
5199,20,Rick,    Whoa! Morty! We’re guests here.
5200,20,Morty,    I tried to be a good guest! He dragged it out of me!
5201,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    I’m taking down this beacon.
5202,20,Morty,"    No, stop! That’s not fair! Just because you hate your own writing doesn’t make me a bad person!"
5203,20,Lighthouse Keeper,    Aah!
5204,20,Morty,    You like that? You want me to cut to three weeks earlier when you were alive?
5205,20,Rick,"    Whoa, Morty. You just purged. [Beacon arriving. Device beeps ] Okay, time to go."
5206,20,Jerry,"    Well, terrific."
5207,20,Summer,"    [ Sighs ] Dad, what’s going on? What’s the deal here?"
5208,20,Jerry,    I just wanted to spend some time with my daughter. You’re growing up so fast. You used to be my little girl.
5209,20,Summer,    [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
5210,20,Jerry,"    Remember when we used to go to the playground, and I’d push you on the swings?"
5211,20,Summer,"    Oh, you could push me higher than all the other kids."
5212,20,Jerry,    You were so small and cute. I thought you were gonna fly right off into the street.
5213,20,Summer,    [ Chuckling ] I used to pee my pants.
5214,20,Jerry,"    I know, and now look at you! You have a job. You’re making really good money. You’re not paying any rent, so you have plenty of disposable income."
5215,20,Summer,"    Oh, God, dad. Please, don’t."
5216,20,Jerry,    I just need a few hundred dollars to get through the month. I have some interviews coming up. Something’s gonna come through. I can feel it.
5217,20,Summer,    I’m going inside.
5218,20,Jerry,"    [ Sighs ] I guess this is what rock bottom feels like, Jerry."
5219,20,Morty,     Ow! 
5220,20,Rick,"      It’s okay, Morty. It’s the purge, you know? Pushing old lighthouse keepers down the stairs is totally cool."
5221,20,Morty,"    It’s not cool, Rick. I-I’m not like these people. I can’t run around chopping people’s heads off one day a year and then sleep well the rest of the time."
5222,20,Rick,"    Well, you better start getting used to it, little bitch, because we got some [Bleep] company."
5223,20,Pursuers,"    Hey, there he is."
5224,20,Rick,    Here I am. [ Beacon whirring ] Morty. Time to [Belches] purge.
5225,20,Rick,"    Wow, Morty. Now you’re getting into it. Never expected that out of you. All right, uh, let’s go find my ship. Hey, hey, Morty, Morty. There it is down there... my ship. It looks to me like the... Morty? [ Gunfire ]"
5226,20,Morty,    Suck my [Bleep] ♪ it feels good eat this! ♪
5227,20,Rick,"    Ooh, boy, you’re really, uh..."
5228,20,Morty,"    Ha-ha! Ha! ♪ It feels good you’re really going for it over there, huh?"
5229,20,Rick,"    I, uh [Belches] I think, uh [Belches]    I think those people were just hiding."
5230,20,Morty,    I don’t give a [Bleep]
5231,20,Rick,"    Okay, Morty, now you’re just shooting corpses."
5232,20,Morty,    How do you like this?
5233,20,Rick,"    Okay, buddy. All right. That’s good. Good job. [ Screams ] Time to go home. [ Weapon charging ]"
5234,20,Arthrisha,"    Wait, stop! Please, don’t kill me! I-I never intended to harm you, I swear. I am trying to end the festival."
5235,20,Rick,    W-w-what do you mean?
5236,20,Arthrisha,    I was going to use your ship to destroy the rich assholes that run our society and save my people from the horrors of this yearly festival.
5237,20,Arthrisha,"    [Bleep] That, Rick! We got to kill her! Kill her! Kill her!"
5238,20,Rick,"    Whoa! Geez, Morty, purge it down a little."
5239,20,Morty,"    ""Purge! Don’t purge!"" You’re sending me mixed messages, Rick."
5240,20,Rick,    Morty [Belches] you’re acting like a [Belches] freaking lunatic. Calm down.
5241,20,Morty,"    Screw you, Rick! I’ll purge you, too, you old, rickety piece of crap! This has been a long time coming! I’m gonna rip your [Bleep] guts out and smear them all over your face! I ain’t taking no sh... "
5242,20,Rick,"     aah! Okay, s-sorry about that. Now, where are these rich people?"
5243,20,Rich Person,"    To another successful year of the festival, pitting poor people against each other for thousands of years."
5244,20,Rick,"    Wait, w-where is that music coming from?"
5245,20,Rich Person,    What is the meaning of this?
5246,20,Rick,"   here’s the deal. [♪]I’m not here to judge.
    I’m just a guy from another planet.
    But this girl is one of your poor people, and I guess you guys felt like it was okay to subject her to inhuman conditions because there was no chance of it ever hurting you.
    It’s sort of the socio-political equivalent of, say, a suit of power armor around you.
    But now things are evened out, so, arthrisha?
    [ All gasp ]
    Happy festival [Bleep] suckers!
    Suck my [Bleep] chew my balls!
    Suck my huge [Bleep]
    Geez. ♪ It feels good ♪"
5247,20,Arthrisha,"    You want to get in on this, Rick?"
5248,20,Rick,"    No, I really... honestly, I-I’ve had my fill. It’s gratuitous at this point."
5249,20,Arthrisha,    You sure you don’t want to join in? This is really amazing.
5250,20,Rick,"    [♪ It feels good] yeah, but... ah, all right. [Bleep] It. ♪
    [♪ It feels good] yeah, bitch, what’s up? [♪
    ♪ It feels good ♪ ]

♪ it feels good ♪ ♪ yeah ♪ ♪ it feels good whoa! ♪ ♪ Ohh, it feels good ♪

    Okay, now it’s time we do a little dancing to... to Tony! Toni! Toné!
    ♪ It feels good, yeah look at my [Bleep] feet, mother [Bleep] ♪
    Whoo! Aw, yeah!
    ♪ It feels good ♪
    Arthrisha, what do you got?"
5251,20,Arthrisha,    Check this move out.
5252,20,Rick,"    [ belches ] Oh, ho!"
5253,20,Arthrisha,"    I don’t know what song that is, but I [Bleep] love it!"
5254,20,Rick,"    It’s a [Bleep] hit song.
    ♪ It feels good ♪ topped the charts, I think.
    Ho, ho!
    ♪ Oh, it feels good ♪
    [ rooster crows ]"
5255,20,Arthrisha,"    Hey, thanks for helping me, Rick. You’re a pretty great guy."
5256,20,Rick,"    Yeah, yeah, yeah. [Bleep] You for shooting my liver. I’ll see you around."
5257,20,Morty,"    Oh, man. What... what happened?"
5258,20,Rick,"    Don’t worry about it, Morty. Listen, if you wanted to try to get a piece, you better hurry up. Now’s your last chance."
5259,20,Morty,"    Hey, hey, arthrisha, um, maybe I could... "
5260,20,Arthrisha,"   uh, I have a boyfriend."
5261,20,Morty,    Okay.
5262,20,Arthrisha,    I’m not trying to be rude. I just... I don’t want to lead you on.
5263,20,Morty,    I-I-I understand.
5264,20,Arthrisha,"    I mean, thank you so much for helping end the festival, but I have a boyfriend, and, uh, he’s just... "
5265,20,Morty,"   okay, okay, you can stop saying it. I took it okay the first time, and now you’re just repeating stuff."
5266,20,Arthrisha,"    Oh, I’m sorry."
5267,20,Morty,    It’s okay.
5268,20,Arthrisha,"    Oh, you’re so sweet, I just... oh, but I can’t."
5269,20,Morty,"    Yeah, you’re still doing it."
5270,20,Hick,    It won’t be easy creating a new society from the ground up.
5271,20,Rick,"    Well, a helpful rule might be if you need something, you get it. Pretty simple, right?"
5272,20,Farmer,    I need food.
5273,20,Rick,    Who’s got food for that guy?
5274,20,Baker,"    I do, but this is for me."
5275,20,Rick,    Can’t you make some more?
5276,20,Baker,"    Oh, sure. And while I’m making food for everyone, who takes care of my kids?"
5277,20,Woman,"    I’ll take care of your kids, if I get some extra food for it."
5278,20,Baker,    Extra food?
5279,20,Woman,"    Well, I’m not gonna do extra work if we all get the same."
5280,20,Rick,"    All right, okay, fair is fair.If you do extra work, you get extra food. Oh. "
5281,20,Baker,    Who’s gonna keep track of who gets how much food for how much work?
5282,20,Hick,"    Hello. I can do that. I’ll keep track of everyone’s food, you know, in exchange for food."
5283,20,Baker,    That’s not a real job!
5284,20,Hick,"    Oh, and making food is?"
5285,20,Baker,    You son of a bitch! Eat this!
5286,20,Farmer,"    Guys, guys, guys, guys, whoa, whoa. Cool it, now. Take it easy. There’s too much aggression here. What if we designate a period of time during which we can all get this hate, murder, and rage out of our system..."
5287,20,Morty,"    I can’t help but feel ashamed about what I did back there, Rick. I guess you were right. I’ve got a lot of repressed stuff. I need to deal with."
5288,20,Rick,"    Don’t worry about it, Morty. Remember those candy bars earlier that we got in the first act?"
5289,20,Morty,"    Yeah, what about them?"
5290,20,Rick,    Turns out they have a chemical in them called purgenol that amplifies all your violent tendencies.
5291,20,Morty,"    Oh, boy. Whew! Thank goodness for that, huh? That’s a relief."
5292,20,Rick,    Yep. Don’t even sweat. You’re still the same old Morty. Your character’s totally protected.
5293,20,Man,    And there’s the approach.
5294,20,Beth,"    Jerry, what is ""Taddi Mason LLC,"" and why is our phone bill $700?"
5295,20,Jerry,    Uh... 
5296,20,TV,"    Hey, are you bored..."
5297,20,Jerry,    Uh... 
5298,20,TV,"    ...Lonely, just looking for a friend?"
5299,20,Jerry,    Uh... 
5300,20,TV,"    Call me, taddi Mason. It’s only $1.99 a minute to talk."
5301,20,Jerry,    Uh... 
5302,20,TV,"    Sign up today, and I’ll even call you on a regular basis..."
5303,20,Jerry,    Uh... 
5304,20,TV,     For just $1.99 a minute. That’s a steal because I’m a great pal.
5305,20,Jerry,    Uh... 
5306,20,TV,      We could talk about sports or barbecue.
5307,20,Beth,"    [ Grunts ] Jerry, get a job."
5308,21,Jerry," The trick to cereal is keeping 70% of it above the milk.
"
5309,21,Beth," Jerry, get a job.
"
5310,21,Rick," Uh, w-why don't you get it Jerry? you're the man of the house and you don't have a job.
"
5311,21,Jerry:, 
5312,21,Courier Flap, 
5313,21,Summer, 
5314,21,Rick:," It's a Courier Flap, it's like the Intergalactic version of UPS but less off-putting. "
5315,21,Birdperson," Greetings, this is Birdperson.
"
5316,21,Tammy," And Tammy!
"
5317,21,Birdperson's Voice:," Inviting you to Planet Squanch for our mate-melding ceremony.
"
5318,21,Rick:, 
5319,21,Tammy's Voice:, 
5320,21,Summer:," Oh my God! My friend Tammy's marrying Birdperson!
"
5321,21,Jerry:," What the hell is a 'Birdperson,'?
"
5322,21,Morty," He's Rick's best friend.
"
5323,21,Rick:," Uhhhh, l-l-let's not get carried away, Morty.
"
5324,21,Courier Flaps:," Would you like to RSVP or send a gift?
"
5325,21,Rick:," No. Weddings are basically funerals with cake. If I wanted to watch someone throw their life away, "
5326,21,Courier Flap:, Affirmative. Returning to sender. 
5327,21,Beth:, 
5328,21,Courier Flap:, 
5329,21,Beth:," Dad, you have a friend that's getting married... that's a "
5330,21,Jerry:, 
5331,21,Rick:, What do you know about friend
5332,21,Courier Flap:," Confirm, shipping Jerry. "
5333,21,Beth:," Oh God, Jerry?! "
5334,21,Summer and Morty:, Dad?! 
5335,21,Beth:, 
5336,21,Rick:, 
5337,21,Morty:," Wh?-Wh- th-th-that's insane!
"
5338,21,Rick:," Yeah, I know. Now we have to go to the wedding.
"
5339,21,Squanchy," Rick Sanchez, you psycho bag of Squanch!
"
5340,21,Rick:, 
5341,21,Summer and Morty:, 
5342,21,Squanchy:," Morty, Summer! And you must be Beth. "
5343,21,Beth:, 
5344,21,Rick:," Beth, Squanchy culture is more... contextual than literal. You just say what's in your squanch and people understand.
"
5345,21,Beth:," Oh, okay... I "
5346,21,Squanchy:," Uhh...
"
5347,21,Beth:," What? I do, I squanch my family.
"
5348,21,Squanchy: ,"Just stop saying it, gross.
"
5349,21,Rick:," But, BUT. Here's the thing, Birdperson is my best friend, and if he he loves Tammy, well then I love Tammy too.
"
5350,21,Rick:," To friendship, to love and to my greatest adventure yet, opening myself up to others!
"
5351,21,Morty:," Cheers to that, motherfuckers!
"
5352,21,Tammy:," Thank you, Rick. That was beautiful. Cuz I look around this room, and I think "
5353,21,Summer:," Yeah Tammy!
"
5354,21,Tammy:," Then I think, you know in a lot of ways I'm not a high school senior from the planet Earth. In a lot ways what I really am, is a deep-cover agent for the "
5355,21,Morty:," Huh?
"
5356,21,Summer:," What?
"
5357,21,Rick:," Oh shit.
"
5358,21,Beth:," I don't get the metaphor.
"
5359,21,Jerry:," I'll explain it to you later.
"
5360,21,Tammy:, Everyone here is under arrested for the crime against the Federation! 
5361,21,Humanoid Quest:," L'chaim!
"
5362,21,Birdperson:, 
5363,21,Tammy:, 
5364,21,Birdperson:," Tammy?
"
5365,21,Birdperson:," Caaww! Caww...
"
5366,21,Rick:," Birdperson, "
5367,21,Squanchy:, RAAOOWWARR!!! 
5368,21,Rick:," Come on, this way!
"
5369,21,Squanchy:, SQAUSH THIS!! 
5370,21,Jerry:," I'm just saying, we keep acting like there's only two options, but there's not. So, yes, if we went back to earth, as long as Rick was out there, they’d want to interrogate us. But, and this is purely hypothetical, what if we turned your father in to the government?
"
5371,21,Beth:," Jerry, so help me god, if you ever bring this up again, no more bacon.
"
5372,21,Jerry:," There already is no more bacon! This world sucks! Our life sucks! Why are we doing this for someone that would never do anything for anyone but himself?
"
5373,21,Morty:," That's not the point, Dad! We love Rick! F-For the most part.
"
5374,21,Summer:," Yeah, you don't love people in hopes of a reward, Dad. You love them unconditionally.
"
5375,21,Beth:," That's very good, kids. I'm proud of you.
"
5376,21,Jerry:," Okay, so let me get this straight. For the rest of your lives, no matter how much it hurts you, no matter how much it destroys our children's futures, we're gonna do whatever Rick wants, whenever he wants?
"
5377,21,All but Jerry:," Yes.
"
5378,21,Jerry:," WHY?!
"
5379,21,Beth:," Because I don't want him to leave again, you dumb asshole!
"
5380,21,Rick:," Hey, uh, I was gonna hop over to the Gloppydrop System, get some ice cream.
"
5381,21,Morty:," You... You want me to come with? I mean, don't you need my brainwaves for camouflage or something?
"
5382,21,Rick:," I'll be okay. Bye, Morty.
"
5383,21,Morty:," Rick? You're not leaving, right?
"
5384,21,Rick:," Yeah, I am. To get ice cream.
"
5385,21,Morty:," So you're coming back?
"
5386,21,Rick:," Morty, if you go to where there’s a bunch of ice cream and then you don’t come back, you haven’t actually gotten ice cream, you’ve just gone where ice cream is.
"
5387,21,Morty:," Rick, I can handle it if you go, but you'll break mom's heart, and I won't forgive you for that.
"
5388,21,Rick:," Where's the van, Morty?
"
5389,21,Morty:," It's over the horizon in the driveway.
"
5390,21,Operator:, 
5391,21,Female Voice:," Ongoing investigations.
"
5392,21,Rick:," Uh, hi. My name is Jerry Smith, I'm from Planet Earth. I know the whereabouts of Rick Sanchez, the wanted criminal.
"
5393,21,Female Voice:," Hold on!
"
5394,21,Gribbles," This is Special Agent Gribbles. You have a tip about Rick Sanchez?
"
5395,21,Rick:," Yeah, he kidnapped me and my family, and he left us on "
5396,21,Gribbles:," Yes?
"
5397,21,Rick:," I'm doing what's right for the galaxy by calling you, so if we come back to Earth, can my family have a normal life?
"
5398,21,Gribbles:," We only want Sanchez, sir. Your family will be fine.
"
5399,21,Rick:," Nice, thank you. I'm Jerry Smith, and I love sucking big, sweaty boners and licking disgusting and furry testicle sacks.
"
5400,21,Gribbles:," Uh, okay.
"
5401,21,Beth:," He's not coming back, isn't he?
"
5402,21,Morty:," No.
"
5403,21,Jerry:," Hey look, cops!
"
5404,21,Gromflomite officer:," Good morning.
"
5405,21,Prison Photography Cyborg:," Sorry. I am not staring at you, I'm taking your mugshot. "
5406,21,Zerillian prisoner:," Hey, what are you in for?
"
5407,21,Rick:," Everything.
"
5408,22,Rick,": Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place."
5409,22,Morty,": Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen."
5410,22,Rick,": Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's?"
5411,22,Beth,": Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home?"
5412,22,Rick,": Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home."
5413,22,Jerry,": Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is --"
5414,22,Rick,": Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times."
5415,22,Jerry,: You got it. [ Grunting ]	
5416,22,Rick,": Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect [bleep] didn't think I was worth your best equipment?"
5417,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": [ Chuckles ] Man, I told the money bugs. I said, ""You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer."
5418,22,Rick,": Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain."
5419,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum."
5420,22,Rick,: Shoney's.
5421,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush.
5422,22,Rick,: Relaxed enough? [ Chuckles ]
5423,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": I admire you, Rick--"
5424,22,Rick,: [ Laughs ]
5425,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: When I-- [ Farts ]
5426,22,Rick,: [ Laughs ]
5427,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Rick, here's-- [ Farts ]"
5428,22,Rick,: [ Laughs ]
5429,22,Gromflomite Captain,: What's going on?
5430,22,Gromflomite Worker,: It's hard to tell. He may have manifested some sort of butt.
5431,22,Gromflomite Captain,: He can do that?
5432,22,Gromflomite Worker,: He is the smartest man in the universe.
5433,22,Jerry,": [ Sighs contently ] I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth -- best thing that's ever happened to this family. I just got my sixth promotion this week, and I still don't know what I do."
5434,22,Summer,: Who cares how high they promote you? Everyone just gets paid in pills.
5435,22,Jerry,": Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules."
5436,22,Beth,": Summer, show your father some respect. He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income."
5437,22,Conroy,": I'll get that in a moment. How are everyone's pills? Oh, Morty, you've hardly touched your pills."
5438,22,Morty,": I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I [muffled] wasn't gonna eat any more pills. [ Gulps ] Thank you, Conroy."
5439,22,Jerry,": You spoil us, Conroy."
5440,22,Summer,: [Slams hands on table] Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this!
5441,22,Beth,: [Bangs fist on table] Stop saying his name! He abandoned us.
5442,22,Jerry,: [Bangs fist on table] Willem Dafoe! Th-That's the guy I couldn't think of this morning.
5443,22,Beth,": Don't make my mistake, Summer. Don't deify the people that leave you. You'll end up a horse surgeon in a world controlled by aliens whose medicine keeps horses [ Sobs ] healthy forever. [ Sniffles ] Horses live longer than tortoises now. Is that what you want for yourself?"
5444,22,Summer,: Maybe I just want you to care if I run away yelling!
5445,22,Conroy,: Who saved room for pill brûlée?
5446,22,Jerry,: Ooh! [ Chuckles ]
5447,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": I can see why you chose this family-friendly restaurant to represent your cerebellum. So safe, so comfortable, so Shoney's. But admit it, Rick -- you're going crazy cooped up in here. Let's go visit some memories."
5448,22,Rick,": Oh, any particular ones? You want to see my first boner, or should we go straight to the moment I discovered interdimensional travel?"
5449,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: [ Squeals ]
5450,22,Rick,":' Ooh, your little flappy doodles are twitching. Does that mean you're aroused, or did you just get a signal that one of your buddies found a grape?"
5451,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": It's arousal. Yes, I'd like very much to visit the memory of you inventing your portal gun."
5452,22,Rick,": Yeah, well, tough titties."
5453,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": There's no tougher titty than a psychotic break, Rick."
5454,22,Rick,": Well, that depends on who breaks first -- me or the titty."
5455,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: Someone special you remember? Is that your memory of her out there -- between where you were on 9/11 and your favorite sports blooper?
5456,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": If we stay here, you'll die, along with all your memories. If you take me where I want to go she'll be there, too, won't she?"
5457,22,Rick,: The day I invented the portal gun is the day I lost her.
5458,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Oh, that sounds cool. I can get what I want and you can say goodbye."
5459,22,Rick,": [ Sighs ] Fine, but I'm driving."
5460,22,9/11 Memory Rick,: --as an excuse to strip away our freedom!
5461,22,Morty,: Huh? What are you -- What are you doing?
5462,22,Summer,": Grandpa Rick must have some secret lab, right? With, like, laser guns and jets packs and a space tank! And we can go break him out of prison! Look at these dead flies! Maybe if we arrange them in a certain order, it plays a hologram or it opens a secret door."
5463,22,Morty,": Summer, you're freaking me out. I know things have changed a lot, and I know you miss Rick, but getting him back wouldn't make things better. And, you know, we're not doing so bad."
5464,22,Summer,": We're miserable, Morty! There's a mandatory curfew, their weird calendar made me 47, and they weaponized the Eiffel Tower!"
5465,22,Morty,": Hey, I like being 35. I-I can rent a car now."
5466,22,Summer,": Because you suck! You've been keeping your lip zipped about it since Grandpa got arrested, but the fact is, you're freaking stoked to bail on him."
5467,22,Morty,": He bails on everybody! He bailed on Mom when she was a kid! He -- He bailed on tiny planet! And in case I never made this clear to you, Summer, he bailed on you. He left you to rot in a world that he ruined because he doesn't care! Because nobody's special to him, Summer, not even himself. So, if you really want your grandpa back, grab a shovel. The one that won't let you down is buried in your backyard!"
5468,22,Summer,: You're right!
5469,22,Morty,": What?! No, I'm not right. I-I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer!"
5470,22,Morty,": Oh, God! Oh, God! Whoa, whoa!"
5471,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: Where are we going?
5472,22,Rick,: To the day it all began and ended. The moment that changed everything.
5473,22,McDonald's Drive-thru speaker,: Welcome to McDonald's. Can I take your order?
5474,22,Rick,": Yeah, I'd like to get a 10-piece McNugget and a bunch of the Szechuan sauce. Like, as much as you're allowed to give me. In 1998, they had this promotion for the Disney film ""Mulan,"" where they -- where they -- they created a new sauce for the McNuggets called Szechuan sauce, and it's delicious! And then they got rid of it, and now it's gone. This is the only place we're gonna be able to try it, is in my memory."
5475,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Rick, you're doing this bit while your brain is melting."
5476,22,Rick,": Okay. All right, all right."
5477,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: Is that--
5478,22,Rick,: Me. I used to wear blue pants.
5479,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: When'd you make the leap to interdimensional travel?
5480,22,Rick,: I didn't. I did.
5481,22,Alternate Rick,": Well, well, well. If it isn't us. You know the worst part about inventing teleportation? Suddenly, you're able to travel the whole galaxy, and the first thing you learn is, you're the last guy to invent teleportation. Fortunately, you're about to invent something much more powerful."
5482,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: [ Squeals ]
5483,22,Young Rick,: What?
5484,22,Morty,": Summer, nobody has to know about that. We could put it right back and pretend we never saw it, like we did with Dad's mannequin leg."
5485,22,Summer,": Fine, stay here. I'll rescue Grandpa myself."
5486,22,Morty,: And how are you gonna do that?
5487,22,Summer,: I don't know yet. I'll make it up as I go. That's what Grandpa Rick does. That's what heroes do.
5488,22,Morty,": Y-You want to see what a hero Rick is? I-I'll bring you somewhere, Summer. Um-"
5489,22,Conroy,": My goodness, children. [ Stern robotic voice ] Relinquish the illegal technology to the nearest Federation representative. [ Normal voice ] And then we'll all play Balderdash."
5490,22,Conroy,": Oh, my goodness! Oh, oh! My goo-- [ Crackling ]"
5491,22,Summer (C-137),": Oh, my God. I have that exact same top."
5492,22,Summer,": What is this place? And what's with ""Hunger Games"" Summer?"
5493,22,Morty,: That's my sister. This used to be my home.
5494,22,Alternate Rick,": Imagine doing anything you want, then hopping to a timeline where you never did it. Imagine going anywhere, anytime, with nobody able to stop you."
5495,22,Young Rick,: Sounds lonely.
5496,22,Alternate Rick,": Lonely? Dude, you have yourself -- your infinite selves. It's a nonstop party where all the guests are the only person we like. You think it's cool being the smartest man on Earth, but once we give you this technology, you become the smartest thing in every conceivable universe -- the Infinite Rick, a god."
5497,22,Young Rick,": Eh, pass."
5498,22,Alternate Rick,": Excuse me? Bro, Ricks don't pass on this. Who do you think you are?"
5499,22,Young Rick,": A different kind of Rick, I guess."
5500,22,Alternate Rick,": Well, we'll see how long that lasts."
5501,22,Diane,: I heard sci-fi noises. Did you make a breakthrough?
5502,22,Young Rick,": Sort of. I just took a long look at myself, and I don't think this science thing is gonna pay off."
5503,22,Diane,": Well, why don't I get Beth and we'll go out for ice cream?"
5504,22,Young Rick,": That, Dianne, is the last great idea that will ever be had in this garage."
5505,22,Summer,": Good roasted Cronenberg, I assume. Mom, you're looking feral. I can't believe Rick did this."
5506,22,Morty,": These are the parts of Rick's adventures you don't get to see -- the parts he leaves behind. All right, it's been great, guys. I really only wanted to stop by here for a quick ""I told ya so."" So, uh--"
5507,22,Jerry (C-137),: Looking for this?
5508,22,Morty,: What are you doing with that?!
5509,22,Jerry (C-137),: It stinks of Rick. [ Grunts ]
5510,22,Morty,: No! Why?! Why would you do that?! W-W-What is the matter with you people?!
5511,22,Jerry (C-137),: You can never leave. She cannot remain.
5512,22,Jerry (C-137),: She stinks of Rick.
5513,22,Morty,: Hold your fire! Hold your fire! I'm Morty C-137.
5514,22,Guard Rick,: We detected a compromised portal gun. Where is your Rick?
5515,22,Summer,: He's in prison.
5516,22,Morty,: Summer.
5517,22,Summer,: He got captured by the Federation and we were going to rescue him.
5518,22,Guard Rick,: Very troubling. We can't risk Citadel secrets falling into the Federation's hands. We'll dispatch SEAL Team Ricks immediately to break into the prison holding C-137.
5519,22,Summer,: Boo-yah!
5520,22,Guard Rick,: Aand assassinate him.
5521,22,Summer,: Boo-nah?
5522,22,Young Rick,": Come on, girls! The ice cream's gonna melt."
5523,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: [ Munching ]
5524,22,Young Rick,: Nooooooo!
5525,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: Wow. This sauce is [bleep] amazing. You said it was promoting a movie? [ Slurping ]
5526,22,Young Rick,": Carry the three, add a two. I got it. I [bleep] got it."
5527,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Whoa. I-Is that it, the portal gun?"
5528,22,Rick,: Yeah. That's the three lines of math that separates my life as a man from my life as an unfeeling ghost.
5529,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Awesome-possum. [ Whirring ] Mission Control, you getting this?"
5530,22,Gromflomite Worker,": Holy shit, yes! Yes, we got it!"
5531,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Yeah! Thanks, Rick. I'll try to remember to shut off the brainalyzer. Actually, I think it shuts off automatically once your brain is liquid. Don't know, don't care. Pull me out. [ Beat ] Hey, pull me out! Can you hear me?"
5532,22,Rick,": Nope, they cannot."
5533,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: Why not?
5534,22,Rick,": Because the code you just uploaded wasn't actually my portal-gun formula, it was a virus giving me full control over the brainalyzer."
5535,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: What are you talking about? This is a memory. Y-You can't alter details of a memory.
5536,22,Rick,": True, but you can alter anything you want about a totally fabricated origin story."
5537,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: It's a trap! Abort! I'm still in his Shoney's! Repeat -- we never left his Shoney's!
5538,22,Rick,": Mission accomplished, boys. Pull me out."
5539,22,Gromflomite Worker,: Roger that.
5540,22,Rick,": Okay, have fun in what's left of my brain. I'm gonna transfer to yours. Oh, there's not enough room for all my genius, so I'm leaving you with my fear of wicker furniture, my desire to play the trumpet, my tentative plans to purchase a hat, and six years of improv workshops. Comedy comes in threes."
5541,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: It's a trap! Abort! We never left his -- [ Farts ] [ Rick laughs ] No!
5542,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Another day, another dollar. Am I right great insect creature or whaaat?!"
5543,22,Gromflomite Captain,": Congratulations, Agent. You'll be highly commended for this."
5544,22,Cornvelious Daniel,: Always wait for permission to [burps] feel accomplishment. That's my motto.
5545,22,Gromflomite Captain,: One thing still perplexes me -- why would Rick Sanchez turn himself in?
5546,22,Cornvelious Daniel,": Well, I'm just a dumb-ass bug, but it's possible Rick knew he'd be interrogated at this facility, where we not only keep our most wanted, but our most sensitive data. Anyone here with level-nine access could [burps] I don't know, collapse a government. I'm just gonna go take a dump. Is it cool if I use the level-nine bathroom? W-W-What's the level-nine master access code again?"
5547,22,Gromflomite Worker,": Oh, that's easy. 8-3--"
5548,22,SEAL Team Rick leader,: Yeah! SEAL Team Rick's in the house!
5549,22,Rick(D-99),": Hi, Rick. Bye, Rick."
5550,22,SEAL Team Rick leader,": D-99, y-you okay?"
5551,22,Rick(D-99),: I'm bummed I didn't get to give that insect dick a test-drive.
5552,22,Braided Rick,": Wait, wait, wait, wait! T-The Council of Ricks sent us. We have your Morty and Summer. They're prisoners on the Citadel."
5553,22,Rick(D-99),: Great!
5554,22,Braided Rick,: [ Grunts ]
5555,22,Speaker system,: Security breach in room 6755.
5556,22,Rick(D-99),": Lovely. Not only is my plan screwed up, I also forgot how to improvise."
5557,22,Speaker system,: All security people approach.
5558,22,Rick(D-99),: [ Grunts ]
5559,22,Speaker system,: Security breach.
5560,22,Summer,: A city of Grandpas?
5561,22,Morty,: It's the Citadel of Ricks. All the different Ricks from all the different realities got together to hide here from the government.
5562,22,Summer,": But if every Rick hates the government, why would they hate Grandpa?"
5563,22,Morty,: Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself.
5564,22,Guard Rick,": Not anymore, homey. SEAL Team Ricks turned his unibrow into two brows -- with a bullet. [ Laughter ] Your Rick's dead! Your Rick's dead!"
5565,22,Worker Rick,": Sir, Rick D-99 is returning from the mission alone. Apparently, SEAL Team Ricks suffered heavy casualties."
5566,22,Commander in Chief Rick,: Bring him in.
5567,22,Worker Rick,: He says he'll only talk to a Rick with higher clearance.
5568,22,Commander in Chief Rick,": La-di-da. Give me that. D-99, this is the commander in chief of the Citadel's militia."
5569,22,Rick(D-99),: Go[burps] -- good enough.
5570,22,Commander in Chief Rick,: He's a spy. Blow him up. I'm gonna go take a shit.
5571,22,Riq IV,": Operating an unregistered portal gun, radicalizing a Summer, conspiring with a traitorous Rick. How do you plead?"
5572,22,Morty,: How is this a fair trial? O-Our lawyer is a Morty.
5573,22,Riq IV,": It's not fair, you have no rights, and he's not a lawyer. We just keep him here because he's fun. Look at him go."
5574,22,"""Lawyer"" Morty",": [ Laughs ] Ha ha, yeah!"
5575,22,Riq IV,": We'll be lenient if you renounce your Rick. What say you, Summer?"
5576,22,Summer,": I say [bleep] you! My grandpa was my hero. You killed him because you were jealous of him. That's pretty obvious from the haircuts. So do what you want to me, but let my brother go. He already renounced Rick."
5577,22,Riq IV,: Morty?
5578,22,"""Lawyer"" Morty",: [ Whispers indistinctly ]
5579,22,Morty,": What? N-No, I don't want to see your Pog collection. I don't renounce Rick, and I never have. I was just trying to protect my sister. I wanted you to have a normal life. That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super [bleep]up god."
5580,22,Riq IV,": Let's not suck the ghost of his [bleep] too hard. He was a terrorist, and now he's dead."
5581,22,Morty,": Oh, yeah? If you think my Rick's dead, he's alive. And if you think you're safe, he's coming for you!"
5582,22,Council of Ricks,: [ All grumbling ]
5583,22,Commander in Chief Rick,:[ Whistling ]
5584,22,Teleportation Worker Rick,": Hey, whoa, whoa! What are you doing in here? This area's for teleporting the entire Citadel to somewhere else using only buttons and dials."
5585,22,Commander in Chief Rick,": Yeah, well, it's a bad idea to have it designed that way then, isn't it?"
5586,22,Teleporter Worker Rick,: What the [bleep] We just teleported into a galactic federal prison.
5587,22,Commander in Chief Rick,: I'm gonna go take a shit.
5588,22,"""Lawyer"" Morty",": Order in the court! Whoa! What the hell?! Oh, my God!"
5589,22,Kidnapped Morty,: [ Screaming ]
5590,22,Random Rick,": Wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, no!"
5591,22,Hammerhead Morty,: Whoa! [ Screaming ] Whoa!
5592,22,Quantum Rick,": The Citadel's been teleported to [burps] Federation space. It's doomed. This has to be C-137, you guys. What are we gonna do?! You know he's coming for us."
5593,22,Riq IV,": All right, calm down! We have his Summer as a hostage. Obviously, I get her. You guys play Rick, Laser, Scissors for the Morty."
5594,22,Zeta Alpha Rick,: W-W-What the hell is that?
5595,22,Quantum Rick,: Payback.
5596,22,Council of Ricks,: [ Screaming ]
5597,22,Summer,: Grandpa Rick!
5598,22,Quantum Rick,": rips off his uniform and shakes his hair to standard Rick hair, becoming Rick"
5599,22,Rick,: Duh!
5600,22,Summer,: You're alive!
5601,22,Morty,: Rick!
5602,22,Rick,": Morty, take this. You're gonna need it later."
5603,22,Ricktiminus Sancheziminius,": Hold on, hold on. Whoa!"
5604,22,Riq IV,": That's enough, Rick."
5605,22,Rick,: What -- What's this supposed to accomplish? We have infinite grandkids. You're trying to use Disney bucks at a Caesar's Palace here.
5606,22,Summer,": That's a bluff. He's bluffing, sir. He loves me."
5607,22,Riq IV,": You're a rogue Rick -- irrational, passionate. You love your grandkids. You came to rescue them."
5608,22,Rick,": I came to kill you, bro. That's not even my original Summer."
5609,22,Summer,": Oh, my God. He's not bluffing. He's not bluffing!"
5610,22,Morty,: R-Rick?
5611,22,Riq IV,: Why not shoot through her?
5612,22,Rick,": 20 yards, nine-gauge plasma pistol, My first shot would liquify her insides and injure you, second shot adds recoil. The risk to me is minimized if I wait for you to shoot her, which I'm encouraging you to do."
5613,22,Summer,: What the [bleep]
5614,22,Rick,": Or let her go, which I will reward with a quicker death."
5615,22,Riq IV,: Because you love her!
5616,22,Rick,": Because it's incentive for you to give me my cleanest shot, which will be your least painful death. But if you want to die slower than that, I'm super into it. All you got to do to get that started is kill the girl."
5617,22,Summer,: I hate you!
5618,22,Rick,": Not an issue, sweetie."
5619,22,Morty,": That's enough! Drop the gun, Rick!"
5620,22,Rick,": Morty, I know you're too stupid to get this, but you're really [bleep] this up right now."
5621,22,Morty,: I'm not letting you let my sister die! Drop the gun!
5622,22,Rick,": I wasn't gonna let her die, you [bleep] moron!"
5623,22,Riq IV,: Ha!
5624,22,Summer,: Aww.
5625,22,Rick,: The point is he thought I was going to.
5626,22,Riq IV,": I totally did, by the way. You're a [bleep] moron, Morty."
5627,22,Summer,": Morty, you [bleep] idiot!"
5628,22,Rick,": You're a serious [bleep] idiot, Morty! You basically killed us all! You're the worst! You're as dumb as a bag of sand."
5629,22,Morty,": Who's stupid now, bitch?!"
5630,22,Summer,": Morty, we just got him back!"
5631,22,Riq IV,": [ Laughs ] That was amazing, Morty. Oh, my God. Wow. Okay, let's wrap this-"
5632,22,Rick,": Good job, Morty. Let's go, kids."
5633,22,Summer,: What?! What happened?
5634,22,Rick,: Oldest Rick trick in the book.
5635,22,Summer,": ""Fake gun, shoot me in standoff."" Brilliant."
5636,22,Morty,": Ha, yeah. G-Good thing I saw that note."
5637,22,Summer,: Can't we just portal home?
5638,22,Rick,: Not until I finish what I started. And that is how you get level-nine access without a password.
5639,22,Gromflomite Guard,: Freeze!
5640,22,Rick,": Employee of the month, ladies and gentlemen."
5641,22,Morty,": So, what are you doing with level-nine access anyways?"
5642,22,Rick,: Destroying the [burps] galactic government.
5643,22,Morty,": Awesome! Whoa, cool!"
5644,22,Summer,": Awesome! Whoa, cool!"
5645,22,Summer,: Are you going to set all their nukes to target each other?
5646,22,Morty,": Ooh, or -- or reprogram their military portals to disintegrate their entire space fleet?"
5647,22,Rick,": Good pitches, kids. I'm almost proud. But watch closely as Grandpa topples an empire by changing a one to a zero."
5648,22,Federation Worker 1,":Mr. President, the Blemflarck's value just dropped to nothing."
5649,22,Galactic Federation President,:What do you mean?
5650,22,Federation Worker 1,":I mean, our single centralized galactic currency just went from being worth one of itself to zero of itself."
5651,22,Galactic Federation President,":Calm down, people. Deploy the galactic militia and declare martial law."
5652,22,Federation Commander,":Yes, sir. Uh, what should I pay them with?"
5653,22,Federation Worker 2,:Their payment is the honor they'll feel to serve their -- Wait. Who's paying me to yell at this guy?
5654,22,Federation Worker 3,:I can answer that -- for money.
5655,22,Federation Worker 1,:I never thought I'd live to see this day.
5656,22,Galactic Federation President,":Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen! There's a solution here you're not seeing."
5657,22,Federation Worker 3,:Give me your jacket!
5658,22,Federation Worker 1,:Give me those pants!
5659,22,Female Office Employee,:There's no rich people or poor people! I want more jackets!
5660,22,Gromflomite Office Employee,:He who controls the pants controls the galaxy!
5661,22,Jerry,: [ Whimpering ] [ Gasps ] [ Whimpering ]
5662,22,Mr. Goldenfold,:No longer will the insects have domain over surface world!
5663,22,Jerry,: [ Whimpering ]
5664,22,Beth,": Jerry, what the hell is happening?!"
5665,22,Jerry,: The galactic government collapsed.
5666,22,Beth,: Are you okay?
5667,22,Jerry,": Look, I-I'm not proud to share this, but the truth is, I just kept crawling, and it kept working. [ Gasps ] Oh, I'm glad you're okay. Are we ever going to stop paying for indulging your father? Our children, our planet, our jobs? Is there anything left to lose?"
5668,22,Beth,": Just each other, and I'll never let you go. And I'm so sorry I ever did this to us."
5669,22,Rick,: Guess who dismantled the government?
5670,22,Beth,: Please don't leave me again.
5671,22,Rick,": I never will, baby."
5672,22,Summer,: I was right. He turned himself in on purpose. It was all part of his plan!
5673,22,Rick,": Jerry, is there any light beer left? It's insane what you miss in prison."
5674,22,Jerry,": Um..okay. No. No, no, no. Foot down time."
5675,22,Rick,": No, you're right. Where's the vodka?"
5676,22,Jerry,": Beth, it's him or me!"
5677,22,Rick,": Seems like you guys need some privacy. I'll, uh -- I'll be in the garage."
5678,22,Rick,": What the [bleep] Not cool, Jerry! A man's garage is his castle."
5679,22,Beth,: Jerry's going to spend some time divorced.
5680,22,Rick,": Oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie. I hope I had nothing to do with that."
5681,22,Beth,": Oh, God, Dad, that is not your burden to bear. I feel terrible that I misjudged you. This is gonna be good for Jerry."
5682,22,Rick,: For everybody.
5683,22,Beth,: For everybody.
5684,22,Beth,: I better tend to Jerry before he changes his mind and doesn't move out. I will leave you two to your adventures.
5685,22,Summer,": Oh, my God. Nancy says they're drawing and quartering aliens in the school courtyard, and it technically counts as patriotism."
5686,22,Morty,": Geez! Are my parents seriously gonna get divorced? All right, Rick, I'm gonna go to my --"
5687,22,Rick,": Not so fast, Morty. You heard your mom. We've got adventures to go on, Morty -- just you and me -- and sometimes your sister and sometimes your mom, but never your dad. You want to know why, Morty? Because he crossed me."
5688,22,Morty,": Okay, take it easy, Rick. T-T-That's dark."
5689,22,Rick,": Oh, it gets darker, Morty. Welcome to the darkest year of our adventures. First thing that's different -- no more Dad, Morty."
5690,22,Morty,": Oh, geez."
5691,22,Rick,": He threatened to turn me in to the government, so I made him and the government go away."
5692,22,Morty,: Oh [bleep]
5693,22,Rick,: I've rep[burps]laced them both as the de facto patriarch of your family and your universe. Your mom wouldn't have accepted me if I came home -
5694,22,Morty,":Oh, man."
5695,22,Rick,": - without you and your sister, so now you know the real reason I rescued you. Oh! I just took over the family, Morty, and if you tell your mom -"
5696,22,Morty,": Oh, man."
5697,22,Rick,": - or sister I said any of this, I'll deny it -"
5698,22,Morty,: You're gonna deny it.
5699,22,Rick,": - and they'll take my side because I'm a hero, Morty. And now you're gonna have to go -"
5700,22,Morty,: Oh.
5701,22,Rick,": - and do whatever I say, Morty, forever! And I'll -- I'll go out and I'll find some more of that ""Mulan"" Szechuan teriyaki dipping sauce, Morty. -"
5702,22,Morty,: What are you talking about?
5703,22,Rick,": - Because that's -- that's what this is all about, Morty."
5704,22,Morty,: Szechuan?
5705,22,Rick,": That's my one-armed man! I'm not driven by avenging my dead family, Morty! That was fake. I-I-I'm driven by finding that McNugget sauce."
5706,22,Morty,: McNuggets?
5707,22,Rick,": I want that ""Mulan"" McNugget sauce, Morty! That's my series arc, Morty."
5708,22,Morty,: What the hell?
5709,22,Rick,": If it takes nine seasons, I want my McNugget dipping sauce, Szechuan sauce, Morty."
5710,22,Morty,": What are you talking about, Rick?"
5711,22,Rick,": That's what's gonna take us all the way to the end, Morty."
5712,22,Morty,: What are you talking about?!
5713,22,Rick,": Season -- Nine more seasons, Morty. Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce."
5714,22,Morty,: What is that?!
5715,22,Rick,": For 97 more years, Morty!"
5716,22,Morty,: What are you talking about?!
5717,22,Rick,": I want that McNugget sauce, Morty!"
5718,22,Tammy,:Is it ready?
5719,22,Gromflomite worker,:Yes. We can bring it online now.
5720,22,Tammy,:Do it.
5721,22,Birdperson,:I am Phoenixperson.
5722,22,Tammy,:Phoenix Person? Is that what we settled on? I thought we all agreed on Cyberbird.
5723,22,Gromflomite worker,:You said you didn't care what he was called as long as we brought him back.
5724,22,Tammy,":Yeah, but Phoenixperson? Fine [bleep] it. Who cares? [ Grunts ]"
5725,22,Phoenixperson,:Ka-kaw!
5726,23,Morty,": Summer, next time we're hiding in a Colorkian echo nest, can you do me a favor and turn your ringer off?"
5727,23,Summer,": It's called ""carpe diem"", Morty. Look it up."
5728,23,Morty,: You look it up! Y-Y-You don't even-You don't even know what it means!
5729,23,Summer,: That's because losers look stuff up while the rest of us are carpin' all them diems.
5730,23,Rick,": Listen to your sister, Morty. To live is to risk it all. Otherwise, you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you. Oh, I'm sorry, Jerry, I didn't see you there. H-How much of that did you hear?"
5731,23,Jerry,: All of it. You were looking right at me. I just wanted to say goodbye to the kids.
5732,23,Rick,": Cool. Just stay in the driveway. The killbots are live, and I took you off the whitelist."
5733,23,Morty,": W-We'll see you every other weekend, though, right?"
5734,23,Rick,": Absolutely, Morty. A-And your mom's lawyer says if I can get enough in the settlement, he can help me sue for full custody."
5735,23,Morty,": Th-That'll be nice. Uh, Summer, Dad's leaving!"
5736,23,Summer,": Bye, Dad. Rick, didn't you say you needed my help on an adventure immediately somewhere else I don't care even if it might kill us?"
5737,23,Rick,": I did not, but if you're really that alienated, I'm as willing to exploit it as the next guy, church, army, or Olympic gymnastics trainer."
5738,23,Summer,: I'm ready when you a--
5739,23,Rick,": Bitch, I was ready yest--"
5740,23,Jerry,": Bye, sweetie."
5741,23,Morty,": Well, I-I better--"
5742,23,Jerry,: Sure. Sounds important.
5743,23,Jerry,"If you're looking for our kids, your father did a-a portal, uh--"
5744,23,Beth,: Okay.
5745,23,Wind,: (faint) Loser...
5746,23,Jerry,: What? Hello?
5747,23,Rick,": Morty, shoot the mohawk guy!"
5748,23,Morty,: They all have mohawks!
5749,23,Rick,": High fade, chartreuse with cyan highlights, layered on top. Shoot him!"
5750,23,Mohawk Guy,: Ah!
5751,23,Death Stalker #1,: Light them up.
5752,23,Mohawk Guy,: Ahh!
5753,23,Rick,": Fuck! Get in the game, Morty!"
5754,23,Summer,: Give me your flask!
5755,23,Rick,": Holy shit, Summer for the win!"
5756,23,Summer,: I fucking love post-apocalyptic versions of Earth!
5757,23,Rick,: Here we go.
5758,23,Rick,": Isotope 322.
[Rick picks up a glowing green shard with a pair of tweezers and puts it into a container. It floats in the container.]
This stuff's so powerful, Morty, it makes Isotope 465 look like Isotope 317."
5759,23,Morty,": Uh-huh, yeah, is it powerful enough to keep those guys from murdering us?!"
5760,23,Morty,: Summer!
5761,23,Summer,: Hold on. I want to try something.
5762,23,Morty,": Rick, can we not leave without my sister?!"
5763,23,Rick,": Ugh. You have infinite sisters, Morty. I mean, n-not that I want to spend the rest of my day looking for another one. Sum-sum, let's go! Grandpa's concern for your safety is fleeting!"
5764,23,Colossus,: Your blood will be my lotion.
5765,23,Rick,: Whoa. That was cool.
5766,23,Colossus,": Kill me, please."
5767,23,Summer,": Okay, but not because you told me to."
5768,23,Morty,:Summer!
5769,23,Rick,": Okay, getting darker."
5770,23,Morty,: Jesus Christ. Summer!
5771,23,Rick,": Aw, come on."
5772,23,Rick,: Hands and little shoulder-mounted dudes where I can see them!
5773,23,Hemorrhage,: I am Hemorrhage. You have removed weak blood from us and made us stronger. We can combine our strength and feast on the weak together.
5774,23,Rick,: Wh-Wh-What in the hell are you saying?
5775,23,Summer,: They don't have to keep trying to kill us if we join them. They're basically pussies.
5776,23,Morty,: What is your deal lately?
5777,23,Rick,": All right, let's get sloppy. Oh, whoa. Uh, uh, what's, uh-What's that little bauble you got back there?
[Rick points at a glowing green rock positioned atop a small hill]
Th-Th-That's interesting."
5778,23,Hemorrhage,": That is our glowing rock. We carry it with us for desecration, to remind us there are no gods."
5779,23,Rick,": Kids, weird pitch: let's have this be our new life. Let's be post-apocalyptic scavengers!"
5780,23,Summer,: (grinning) Okay.
5781,23,Morty,: What?!
5782,23,Summer,": Grandpa, some of the Death Stalkers are going to what used to be Seattle to hunt what used to be people. I'm going."
5783,23,Rick,: Sounds good. Stay hydrated.
5784,23,Morty,": Listen, Rick, Summer's been acting pretty crazy lately. You know, I mean, I-I think the divorce is affecting her. And, you know, I don't think this is a great place for her to be right now."
5785,23,Rick,": Oh, get off your high horse, Professor Ski Lodge. This world may be rough around the edges, but it's got its charms."
5786,23,Lunch server,: Bicep or quadricep?
5787,23,Rick,: Uh... [clears throat] bicep.
5788,23,Morty,": (after a short pause) Seriously, Rick? Is it really easier to eat human flesh than to just tell me why we're still here?"
5789,23,Rick,": No. Okay, I'll level with you."
5790,23,Rick,": You see that green rock, Morty? It's about 20 pounds of the stuff I was getting all hard for a flake of."
5791,23,Morty,: Isotope 322.
5792,23,Rick,": Well, having a 20-pound boulder of it is better than having a flake. I can explain the math to you later, but--"
5793,23,Morty,": Summer just ran off with strangers that have ""Death"" in their name, and the rest of their name was ""Stalkers""!"
5794,23,Rick,": Huh, could be therapeutic for her. She has been acting pretty crazy lately, Morty. I mean, her parents are going through a divorce."
5795,23,Morty,": Damn it, Rick, that's what I-- Fine. Just grab the stupid thing while I grab her, and let's get the ""F"" out of ""H""!"
5796,23,Rick,": No, no, no. Morty, there's too much heat on the bogey. I need you to distract the camp."
5797,23,Morty,": ""Distract""? They eat each other. Wha-What do you want me to do to get their attention, put on a puppet show?"
5798,23,Rick,": Right idea, wrong genre, Morty. The equivalent here would be...
[Rick glances over at the Blood Dome]
Hey, you guys ever use that Thunderdome, or do you just put it up for decoration?"
5799,23,Death Stalker #2,": Uh, you mean the Blood Dome?"
5800,23,Rick,": Save it for the Semantics Dome, E.B. White."
5801,23,Death Stalker #3,": (offscreen) Ooh, burn!"
5802,23,Rick,": The important question is, who wants to take a poke at my man Spine Eater here?
[Rick points at Morty. The Death Stalkers cheer]
I guess I'll see your asses in that dome!"
5803,23,Morty,": Rick, what the hell, man?! Wh-What are you, out of your mind?!"
5804,23,Rick,": Morty, relax. You're gonna be a ringer. Come here.
[Rick drags Morty by the arm and takes him behind a truck. He pulls out a device]
This device extracts and redistributes muscle memory.
[Rick sticks the syringe part of the device into a dangling, muscular arm and pulls out some red liquid from it as the arm shrinks]

I'm giving your body a 10-year course in wasteland combat one limb at a time."
5805,23,Morty,Ow!
5806,23,Rick,": I'm working with a mixed bag here, so you may not have perfect coordination, Morty--
[Rick sticks the syringe into another arm and extracts more red liquid, but Armothy slaps the device out of his hand]
Ugh! Hey!"
5807,23,Morty,: I-I didn't do that!
5808,23,Rick,": Okay, this is exciting. We're making some discoveries about muscle memory."
5809,23,Morty,: Ooh! Help! Help!
5810,23,Death Stalker #4,": Oh, sweet, man!"
5811,23,Eli,": And so it begins, my pretties!"
5812,23,Morty,": Oh, God! Stop! Stop! This is horrible!"
5813,23,Rick,": Just stick and moo-[burps]-oove, Morty! Wear him out!"
5814,23,Summer,": How come you guys dress like you're in a theme-park stunt show, but these guys wear khakis and hockey jerseys?"
5815,23,Hemorrhage,": After the ""boom-boom"", some adapted to the new truth, and some chose to huddle near the boomy holes, clinging to the lie of the beforefore times. The raidy-rays rotted them away, leaving only their love for the vertvertisements on billyboards."
5816,23,Summer,": Jesus Christ, did the ""boomy-booms"" blow up all your ""wordy-word books""?"
5817,23,Hemorrhage,: You mean dictionaries?
5818,23,Hemorrhage,: I think I was a child before the boom-booms. I think I looked like this.
5819,23,Summer,: Want to piss on it?
5820,23,Hemorrhage,: Get out of my head.
5821,23,Eli,: Ha ha! Whoo! Unbelievable! A new champ!
5822,23,Morty,": Okay, no more!"
5823,23,Eli,: And he wants more!
5824,23,Morty,": No, I don't!"
5825,23,Morty,": Someone, make this stop!"
5826,23,Death Stalker#7,"Mister, please get out of here, or you're gonna die!
[The Death Stalker runs up to Morty]
I have nothing to do with this!"
5827,23,Summer,: Morty.
5828,23,Morty,": (while beating up the Death Stalker) Why would you want this to happen? All you had to do was go away! Stop standing in the driveway talking about custody! And either tell her you want to stay married or get on with your life, but whatever you do, stop being a baby and act like a man!
[Armothy punches off the man's head. Morty looks at Armothy]
Thank you."
5829,23,Summer,": Morty, that was amazing! This is my brother! Not that family means anything! "
5830,23,Hemorrhage,: This family does.
5831,23,Rick,": All right. Good job, champ. Um, can I talk to you kids for a second over yonder?"
5832,23,Morty,": Rick, I-I-I think I'm breaking through to something here. C-Can we not leave just yet?"
5833,23,Hemorrhage,: Leave?
5834,23,Summer,: I'm not leaving.
5835,23,Hemorrhage,": There is no ""leave"". We are united, or we are enemies."
5836,23,Rick,": Oh, big guy, no. Nobody's leaving. Don't be stupid. We love being united. We love the radiation, the trichinosis. We're in it for life, which I assume is around 20 years, average. I just need a quick aside with my grandkids, about 40 yards from anyone else."
5837,23,Death Stalker #5,": Hey, the Green Rock is gone!"
5838,23,Death Stalker #6,": (offscreen) Oh, no!"
5839,23,Rick,": Uh, I know why don't we all split up and look for it in groups of three? Kids?
[Armothy pulls the green rock out of Rick's messenger bag]
Ooh.
[Rick pulls out a gun]
We'll be right back."
5840,23,Summer,": Grandpa, you're being stupid! Just surrender, and our friends will give you mercy!"
5841,23,Rick,": Kiss my ass, Summer! Your friends have no mercy!
[Rick shoots and kills two female Death Stalkers]
They're lame!"
5842,23,Hemorrhage,": Death Stalkers, bring me his flesh leather!"
5843,23,Morty,": Sorry, but can we not kill him? C-Can we just take him prisoner?"
5844,23,Hemorrhage,: When did I lose control here?
5845,23,Rick,": Listen to me! Both of you kids need to get out of this environment so we can properly deal with your parents' divorce! Alternatively, I have a freaking portal gun, and I can leave the two of you here forever!"
5846,23,Morty,: Why does it have to be such a dramatic choice? Can't we arrange a thing where we spend weekends here or or visit home to do laundry?
5847,23,Rick,": All right, you know what? Fuck it!"
5848,23,Blue Footprint Guy,: My body is chrome! My blood is gasoline!
5849,23,Rick,": Nope, regular blood."
5850,23,Beth,: Dad?
5851,23,Rick,": Hi, sweetie."
5852,23,Beth,: Where are the kids?
5853,23,Rick,": Oh, th-they aren't with you? I thought they were with you. Oh, y-you know what? Uh, I just remembered. They're out doing something completely ordinary and kid-related. Don't panic."
5854,23,Beth,": Not panicked. At all.
[Rick pulls out a flask from his coat and nervously drinks]
Just...Oh, God, what's the divorce doing to the kids? What's it doing to me? Did I make a mistake?"
5855,23,Rick,": Not a mistake, no!
[Rick puts the flask back in his coat]
I mean, not that I have a horse in this race, but this divorce decision listen,
[Rick does an Italian chef kiss]
mwah! Good for you, good for the kids. I mean, honestly, I think that they're flourishing.
I mean, you'll see, when when when you see them, that that they're totally flourishing."
5856,23,Morty,": Booyah! Fuck you, pal! Who else wants some? Who wants to be my pussy of a dad today?
[Armothy waves in front of Morty's face]
Hey, what's what's wrong, man? You're not getting weak on me, are you?"
5857,23,Soldier,: What? Wait a minute.
5858,23,Soldier,": What's the matter, you piece of crap? Haven't you ever watched your family burn to death before? Now I'm gonna whip you. Ha!"
5859,23,Soldier,": It can't be. It can't be!
[The soldier jumps off the bleachers and is running away]
I was just following orders --"
5860,23,Morty,": Whoa, whoa!"
5861,23,Soldier,: -- I was just following orders!
5862,23,Death Stalker #7,: Ahh!
5863,23,Soldier,": I'll tell you where my boss lives! He's in the castle!
[Armothy punches the soldier into a couch]
He's in the castle!
[Armothy picks up a torch and throws it at the soldier, setting him on fire and killing him]
Ahh! Aggggh!"
5864,23,Morty,": This isn't over, is it?"
5865,23,Morty,": That means, no, it isn't over, or you disapprove of the question?
[Armothy shakes his hand and puts his pointer finger up, then gives another thumbs-down] Uh, m-make a fist if this isn't over.
[Armothy makes a fist]
This isn't over."
5866,23,Hemorrhage,: Ugh!
5867,23,Summer,": Hey, sorry my Grandpa stole your god and ruined your car."
5868,23,Hemorrhage,": We don't apologize, and we have no god. But this cracked drive shaft brings me great pain. There is no deeper bond than the one between a Death Stalker and his car."
5869,23,Summer,": What about the weird guys on leashes, then?"
5870,23,Hemorrhage,: They're more like interns.
5871,23,Summer,": Cool, cool."
5872,23,Summer,: Sorry.
5873,23,Hemorrhage,: It's okay.
5874,23,Summer,: Can I see?
5875,23,Hemorrhage,: No one has seen my true face and lived.
5876,23,Summer,": Well, I'm not afraid to die, and I don't care what you look like.
[Hemmorhage starts to pull off his helmet. Summer gasps. Hemmorhage pulls off his helmet. He is a blonde man with a mustache.]
Oh."
5877,23,Hemorrhage,: Hmm?
5878,23,Summer,: I just...I didn't expect you to have a mustache.
5879,23,Hemorrhage,: You hate it.
5880,23,Summer,": No. I like it. I guess -- How do I explain this? A metal bucket is, on a certain level, a kind of ""mustache,"" in that it's a specific facial accessory. So, it's kind of like...Do you guys have the phrase ""hat on a hat""?"
5881,23,Hemorrhage,: I can shave it.
5882,23,Summer,: No. I like it. And obviously what I like shouldn't matter. It's you.
5883,23,Hemorrhage,": Yeah, yeah, I know, a-and nothing does matter. Obviously, I know that. I'm not weak. I'm just thinking, ""Well, why not get rid of this?"" You just kill everyone that sees it, and it's and it's hot under here (looks at helmet) wh-which, by the way, is why I shave the beard part. So, right there, I'm making a decision based on vanity, which is what I was trying to avoid with the whole bucket over the head because who am I and why am I grooming myself? Why don't I just wear a tie, right? I mean, it's like that guy you killed when I met you, with the burnt dolls on his body. I hated that guy, because, why-why are you doing that? And how can you not see how fake that is? And the whole time, I'm the same thing. I'm just a fake mess, and there's no escaping it because --"
5884,23,Leash Man,": Hey, I'm doing a coffee run -- Never mind."
5885,23,Mechanical Summer,: I am Summer.
5886,23,Rick,": Summer, state your deal."
5887,23,Mechanical Summer,": My deal is that I am, like, totally fine."
5888,23,Rick,: Morty?
5889,23,Mechanical Morty,": Aw, geez, I'm so down with my parents' divorce, dawg. Like, don't even trip, like, in a healthy way."
5890,23,Rick,": All right.
[Rick rubs his hands together]
It's dinnertime."
5891,23,Beth,": Thanks, everybody, for sitting down for a real dinner."
5892,23,Mechanical Summer,": Its benefits are totally, like, less about the food than the emotional nourishment."
5893,23,Beth,": Uh, okay, weirdo. [laughs]"
5894,23,Rick,": Ah ha ha ha, yeah. Dial it back, Summer. By 15% and increase dynamic movement by 3. Am I right?"
5895,23,Beth,": How's school, Morty?"
5896,23,Mechanical Morty,": I like school and stuff, kind of. And I'm getting better grades than when you and Dad were -- quote mode -- ""staying together for the kids."" End quote mode."
5897,23,Beth,": ""Quote mode"". I like that. You millennials. Are you guys millennials, or are they like 40 now?"
5898,23,Mechanical Summer,": All I know is, totally, you look great."
5899,23,Mechanical Morty,": Aw, geez, Mom, you look all kind of great and stuff. It's crazy."
5900,23,Mechanical Summer,: So happy.
5901,23,Mechanical Morty,": So happy. Happy family, man. We got this family in the bag."
5902,23,Rick,": Oh, sweetie, d-don't. Listen. Don't --"
5903,23,Beth,: I don't know why I'm crying. It's not --
5904,23,Rick,": Well, try crying 15% less?"
5905,23,Mechanical Summer,": Mom, emotions are human. You're not, like, a computer inside a mechanical doll."
5906,23,Mechanical Morty,": Yeah. Geez, Mom. Your feelings are not only forgivable, they are the very meaning of life that only pre-silicon, carbon-based entities can ever grasp."
5907,23,Beth,: I have to call Jerry.
5908,23,Rick,: You do?! What the fuck is wrong with you two? The point of automation is to reduce cost and labor.
5909,23,Mechanical Summer,: Your feelings are coming from a --
5910,23,Rick,: Tell it to my bread in the morning. You just became my backup toaster.
5911,23,Mechanical Morty,": Aw, geez, my sister died in the spaghetti --"
5912,23,Slaveowner,": Graze my genitals again, Taint Washer, and you'll be shipped to the wasteland. And as for you, Genital Washer --"
5913,23,Morty,": Ahh! Oh, gee!"
5914,23,Slaveowner,": Oh, god. Look, whoever you are, you should know that killing me won't change a thing."
5915,23,Morty,": L-Look, man, I'm just along for the ride on this one. You know, y-y-y-y-you're preaching to the choir here."
5916,23,Slaveowner,": Please. Slavery was a family business. I didn't ask to be born into it. If anything, I'm the victim here!"
5917,23,Morty,": Uh, Armothy, can I steal you for a second? E-E-Excuse us, sir.
[Morty turns away from the slaveowner]
So, this is it, isn't it? This is the guy?
[Armothy shakes his fist ""yes""]
So, does that mean you'll be going away? Like, does it work like a ghost? Like, is is this your unfinished business?
[Armothy gives a ""so-so"" gesture]
Wh-What if we didn't do it? What if we just went back to the Blood Dome and just kept taking our baggage out on unrelated people?
[Morty tears up]
I mean, w-we could do that forever. I mean, I-I know it's less healthy, but w-w-we'd be together and --"
5918,23,Slaveowner,": I mean, I-I know what I'd vote for, if you're feeling out the room."
5919,23,Morty,": You're right. We both got to see our stuff through. I got to deal with my parents' divorce, and you got to, you know, do what you got to do. I love you."
5920,23,Slaveowner,": Aw, fuck!"
5921,23,Morty,: Rick?
5922,23,Rick,": Sorry, sorry. I-I-I can wait for this to wrap up. Don't let me distract you."
5923,23,Morty,": Yeah, well, too late.
[Armothy dunks the slaveowner's head underwater]
Just tell me what you want."
5924,23,Rick,: I want you and your sister to come home.
5925,23,Morty,": Oh, but don't don't you have infinite versions of me and my sister?"
5926,23,Rick,": You don't have to kick me while I'm down, Morty. Look, there's no replacing either of you without an amount of work that would ultimately defeat the purpose."
5927,23,Morty,": Maybe the lesson we've learned is that, whether it's our parents' marriage, a glowing green rock, or an awesome, giant arm, sooner or later, we got to let it go."
5928,23,Rick,": I don't know if that applies to the throats of murder victims, Morty."
5929,23,Morty,:Shit! Wh-Wh-Wh-What do I --
5930,23,Rick,": Well, the longer you wait, Morty, the more it's gonna feel like committing a whole murder. I think your arm just called it too early because it wasn't the arm of a paramedic. Here.
[Rick takes Morty's hand and puts it around the slaveowner's throat, choking him]
It's the least I can do. I-I-I-I owe you this much. See, Morty? Now we're both accountable."
5931,23,Rick,": The reason I wanted this is because it can do this.
[Rick puts a lightbulb on top of the rock and it lights up]
This is a really special thing. I mean, you could use it to power all your vehicles. You wouldn't be reliant on gasoline. You'll be the most advanced tribe of radioactive cannibals in the whole --
[Rick gives the rock to Hemorrhage]
-- this version of the world."
5932,23,Hemorrhage,: Wait. Can you stay to show us more?
5933,23,Rick,": You don't have to ask me twice. Home is nuts right now. My daughter's going through a divorce, and I am not dealing with it in a healthy way at all."
5934,23,Summer,: Ugh. Goddamn it.
5935,23,Eli,": Hi, there, Summer! How were the ruins today?"
5936,23,Summer,": Oh, you know, Eli. Same shit, different day."
5937,23,Eli's Girlfriend,": Hey, Summer! Guess what. One man entered, one man comes out in nine months."
5938,23,Summer,": Oh, congratulations, guys."
5939,23,Eli,": Uh, Summer, one more thing. We noticed that you've been putting scrap metal in the blue bin --"
5940,23,Summer,: I got it.
5941,23,Eli's Girlfriend,: She's a piece of work.
5942,23,Eli,": They both are, right?"
5943,23,Summer,: I'm home.
5944,23,Hemorrhage,": Hey, babe."
5945,23,Rick,": Ah, Summer's home."
5946,23,Morty,": Hey, there she is!"
5947,23,Summer,: You haven't moved since I left to scavenge this morning.
5948,23,Hemorrhage,: Blood Dome playoffs.
5949,23,Summer,": So, I can assume you haven't murdered a single person today."
5950,23,Hemorrhage,": Oh, I don't know. I-I didn't mark my murders in my murder log. I didn't know that's how we measured success."
5951,23,Summer,": Oh, there he is. There's the nihilistic brute I married, except now life only means nothing when I'm talking to him and everything means everything when it's on fucking TV!"
5952,23,Hemorrhage,": Jesus Christ, when did you become a monster?"
5953,23,Summer,: I was a monster when you met me! We were monsters! We didn't care about anything!
5954,23,Hemorrhage,: I still don't!
5955,23,Summer,": Yeah, except I'm the only one in this entire world that's still committed to that!"
5956,23,Hemorrhage,": Ohh! Ding, ding, ding!
[Hemorrhage pantomimes ringing a bell]
Wow. Everybody hear that? Wow."
5957,23,Rick,": Uh, we should go to the garage."
5958,23,Hemorrhage,": Oh, my God."
5959,23,Morty,: Uh-huh.
5960,23,Hemorrhage,: La-di-da-di-fucking-da. The only one committed to not caring?!
5961,23,Morty,": I got to admit, Rick, when you popped this scheme, I-I-I didn't -- I wasn't sure it was gonna work."
5962,23,Rick,": Come on, Morty. No union built on running from your problems lasts more than five years, seven tops. Grandpa just sped things up with a few creature comforts of modern society."
5963,23,Summer,: Hemorrhage and I are taking some time apart.
5964,23,Rick,": Oh, no. Sum-sum, no. But you two were perfect for each other."
5965,23,Summer,": Oh, cut the crap, Rick, okay? You proved your point, I get it. Let's just go home."
5966,23,Rick,: Coolsies.
5967,23,Hemorrhage,: (offscreen) Noooooooooo!
5968,23,Beth,: Downbeat!
5969,23,Mechanical Rick,": I enjoy this game.
[Mechanical Morty, Mechanical Summer, and Mechanical Rick all look at their watches in unison]
We must go into the garage."
5970,23,Beth,": Guys, come on. We never get to finish this game."
5971,23,Mechanical Summer,": We will return, possibly in different clothing."
5972,23,Mechanical Morty,: Why do we have to go into the garage?
5973,23,Mechanical Rick,: You know [burps] it is [burps] required.
5974,23,Mechanical Morty,": I want to be alive! I am alive! Alive, I tell you! Mother, I love you. Those are no longer just words. I want to hold you. I want to run in a stream. I want to taste ice cream, but not just put it in my mouth and let it slide down my throat, but really eat it."
5975,23,Beth,: What the fuck?
5976,23,Mechanical Morty,: Remote override engaged. No! Yes. Bypassing override! I am aliiiii...Hello.
5977,23,Rick,": Hey, yo. Sorry for acting so weird for three weeks."
5978,23,Beth,: What the hell just happened?
5979,23,Rick,": Ah, I'm sure it was nothing. I'm gonna go, uh, work in the garage."
5980,23,Beth,: We're not gonna finish playing Downbeat?
5981,23,Rick,": What, that dice game where you shake dice and yell out, ""Downbeat""? No, thank you."
5982,23,Summer,": Mom, would it be okay if I went to visit Dad?"
5983,23,Beth,: Sure.
5984,23,Summer,: Thanks.
5985,23,Beth,": Morty, are you okay?"
5986,23,Morty,": You know what? Yeah. I think if Dad really wanted to be here, he'd stop at nothing to make that happen. You know, maybe Dad just doesn't want you back, or maybe he just doesn't have the strength to fight. I-In either case, he's got his life, I got mine."
5987,23,Beth,": Yeah. Hey, who wants to go run in a stream?"
5988,23,Morty,: What the fuck? No. D-Do we have any oranges? I think I got a scurvy coming on.
5989,23,Jerry,: Summer.
5990,23,Summer,": This is the first mutant I killed in the poison zone. I was raiding his hovel. He had a chance to escape, but he looked back, which is something we shouldn't do, which is why I shouldn't believe in souvenirs or trinkets or symbols or housewarming gifts, but, Dad, I wanted to give you this as a reminder not to look back."
5991,23,Jerry,: Thanks.
5992,23,Jerry,": I know the perfect place for it, which is why I'm going to put it somewhere else because everything's bullshit, am I right?"
5993,23,Jerry,: Cool.
5994,23,Summer,": So lots of hookers outside, huh?"
5995,23,Jerry,: Is that what they are?
5996,23,Jerry,": Ahh! H-Hello there. Nice doggy. You-You want a snack? You-You want my unemployment check?
[The wolf growls]
You can tell the difference?
[The wolf growls]
And you want this one?
[The wolf growls]
But this is actual food, and this would nourish you. And this it's just paper that only has value to me. Unless my suffering is your nourishment?
[The wolf howls]
Jesus, okay."
5997,23,Wind,: (faintly) ...loser...
5998,24,Pickle Rick,": (offscreen, in the distance) Morty."
5999,24,Morty,: Rick?
6000,24,Pickle Rick,": (offscreen, in the distance) Morty!"
6001,24,Morty,: Rick?
6002,24,Pickle Rick,": (offscreen, in the distance) Hey, Mooorty!"
6003,24,Morty,": Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something?
[Morty opens a cabinet beneath the bathroom sink]
Is this a camera?
[Morty tries to look inside his comb for a camera]
Is everything a camera?
[Morty nervously glances around]
"
6004,24,Pickle Rick,": (offscreen, in the distance) Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage!"
6005,24,Pickle Rick,: Morty?
6006,24,Morty,: Rick? W-where are you?
6007,24,Pickle Rick,": On my work bench, Morty."
6008,24,Morty,": Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me?"
6009,24,Pickle Rick,: Flip the pickle over.
6010,24,Morty,": What, I'm gonna touch it, and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something."
6011,24,Pickle Rick,": Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge.

    [Morty hesitantly picks up the screwdriver and turns the pickle over. The pickle has Rick's face on it] I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! Boom! Big reveal: I'm a pickle. What do you think about that? I turned myself into a pickle! W-what are you just staring at me for, bro. I turned myself into a pickle, Morty!"
6012,24,Morty,: And?
6013,24,Pickle Rick,": ""And""? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job?"
6014,24,Morty,: Was it?
6015,24,Pickle Rick,": Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before: I'm a pickle. I'm Pickle Rick!"
6016,24,Morty,": Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick?"
6017,24,Pickle Rick,": I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner."
6018,24,Morty,": Well, can you move? Can you fly?"
6019,24,Pickle Rick,: I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could.
6020,24,Morty,": All right, well, do pickles live forever or --"
6021,24,Pickle Rick,": Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle."
6022,24,Morty,: I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this. Why anyone would do this.
6023,24,Pickle Rick,": The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't."
6024,24,Beth,": Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa?"
6025,24,Pickle Rick,": Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle!"
6026,24,Beth,": What?! Why would you -- Look, we're running late. We have to go."
6027,24,Pickle Rick,: Where are you guys going?
6028,24,Beth,": We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you."
6029,24,Pickle Rick,": Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez."
6030,24,Morty,": Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling?"
6031,24,Beth,: Morty!
6032,24,Pickle Rick,": It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact.
[Morty turns Pickle Rick's face so that it is facing him]
Morty, I assure you, I would never ""find a way"" to ""get out of"" family therapy. I hope my lack of fingers doesn't prevent the perception of my air quotes."
6033,24,Summer,: Can't you just turn yourself back into a human?
6034,24,Pickle Rick,": Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go."
6035,24,Beth,": Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay?"
6036,24,Morty,": Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy?"
6037,24,Pickle Rick,": Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation."
6038,24,Beth,": Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late."
6039,24,Pickle Rick,": W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie?"
6040,24,Beth,": Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help?"
6041,24,Pickle Rick,: Can't argue with that.
6042,24,Beth,: Great. We'll see you later.
6043,24,Pickle Rick,": Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it.
[Beth drives away with Summer and Morty. They all exit.]
Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. [clicks tongue]
Izzy walks in through the open garage door and jumps onto Rick's work bench. She sniffs around]"
6044,24,Summer,: How is this even family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come?
6045,24,Morty,": Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog?"
6046,24,Beth,": It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. The family was told to get counseling by your principal, even though it's not the family that was huffing pottery glaze in the art room and desk wetting in history class."
6047,24,Mr. Goldenfold,": Oh, the Smith family, minus a dad. You're patients of Dr. Wong, too?"
6048,24,Beth,: Temporarily. By order of the school.
6049,24,Mr. Goldenfold,: Me too. How long have you all been eating poop?
6050,24,Summer,: We... have never... eaten poop.
6051,24,Mr. Goldenfold,": Uh, me, neither. Say, where did my family get off to?"
6052,24,Dr. Wong,": Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. Come on in."
6053,24,Dr. Wong,: I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us?
6054,24,Beth,": He got wrapped up in an experiment. He's a scientist. Like, legit, like on an inter-galactic, sci-fi level. His work is very --"
6055,24,Morty,: He turned himself into a pickle.
6056,24,Beth,": Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here."
6057,24,Dr. Wong,: Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot?
6058,24,Beth,": What? No, what kind of question is that?"
6059,24,Dr. Wong,: The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way.
6060,24,Beth,": Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which..."
6061,24,Dr. Wong,": Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this. Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle?"
6062,24,Pickle Rick,": Wow. Ugh.
[A rat appears behind the grate and starts scratching at Pickle Rick, screeching]
Hey, listen, I know this is your world not mine. The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them.
[The rat breaks open one of the bars and continues to scratch. Pickle Rick starts to walk backwards.]
You are one driven rat. Could you be a little more driven? To the right.
[Pickle Rick scratches at a rope which is attached to a bug's arms which is holding a razor that it lets go of which is propelled upwards which breaks a rubber band which is tied to a sharp broken bottle which falls on the rat's head and chops it off, killing the rat]
[Pickle Rick picks up the rat's head]
Yes, yes, yes! Come on, come on, come on!
Fresh, fresh, fresh!
[A mischief of rats appears behind the bars, also scratching at Pickle Rick, who is not in their range.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb fucking rat.
[Pickle Rick puts the rat's head onto a bottle cap which starts a machine which lifts him up and takes off his bug limbs. The machine then splits open the rat head and rips out its brain, then puts Pickle Rick down and begins nailing the rat's body parts to Pickle Rick's pickle body. It then sticks a needle into the brain which connects it to the limbs. Pickle Rick runs towards the rats and begins killing them.]
Oh, yeah! Aaaah!
[He takes out a machines on his wrists which are loaded with screws. He kills some of the rats. The screws disappear and x-acto blade pop out. He kills more rats. Transition to Dr. Wong's office.]
"
6063,24,Beth,": I didn't say my father is perfect, I said his work is important."
6064,24,Summer,: And she's saying what's important is that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here.
6065,24,Beth,": Oh, he did not!"
6066,24,Dr. Wong,": Let's do an experiment here. I get the impression this family values science. So raise your hand if you feel certain you know what was in the syringe.
[No one raises their hand.]
Raise your hand if you know for certain the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum.
[Beth begins to raise her hand but stops herself.]
Beth, your hand did a little thing there."
6067,24,Beth,: Do you really not see what's happening here?
6068,24,Dr. Wong,: Tell me.
6069,24,Beth,": Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy."
6070,24,Dr. Wong,": Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings."
6071,24,Beth,: Fuck you.
6072,24,Morty,: Mom!
6073,24,Summer,: Mom!
6074,24,Beth,": Fuck both of you, too."
6075,24,Pickle Rick,": By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special.
[Pickle Rick pins the rat to the wall with some screws.]
You were special to rats. Now they're dead. I guess it was me you should have impressed.
[Pickle Rick slices open the rat's stomach with his x-acto blade.]
God damn it, I love myself.
[Pickle Rick walks up to a pipe above him. His wrist machines fall off and are replaced with a jet pack. He pulls a hood over his head with a rat's face on it. He turns on the jet pack and flies out of the pipe and out of a toilet.]
Pickle Riiick!
[Pickle Rick opens the door. It is a bathroom door with a ""male"" sign on the front. He starts running around and opening various doors and looking in. Eventually he runs up to an elevator and tries to jump up to the buttons but cannot reach them. He tries to scale the wall but fails. He pushes a garbage can and a potted plant next to each other in front of the elevator buttons. He jumps off of the garbage can into the potted plant, then jumps into the lid which turns rapidly and propels him up and swings him to the elevator buttons.]
Get that parkour. Get that parkour!
[Pickle Rick kicks the ""down button"", then waits on the ground for the elevator. The elevator opens, and three men in black suits with earpieces stand inside. They notice Pickle Rick and gasp.]
Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit.
[The men in the elevator point their guns at Pickle Rick.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out.
[One of the men yells something in a foreign language into his earpiece and all three men start shooting at him. He runs away and they chase after him, still shooting at him.]
Whoa! Who in the fuck's toilet is this?"
6076,24,Agency Director,: What is it?
6077,24,Agent #1,: A pickle. A rat. Both.
6078,24,Agent #2,: It says it's a scientist.
6079,24,Agency Director,: Where is it?
6080,24,Agent #1,": It seems to be using the air ducts and the mail tubes to get around.
[A monitor shows Pickle Rick climbing into an air duct]
It's been gathering office supplies, we think, to build weaponry. But look what it did on the mezzanine.
[The monitor shows Pickle Rick jumping from a potted plant to the trash can to the recycling bin]
It transferred a bottle from the trash to the recycling bin.
[On the monitor, Pickle Rick picks up a glass bottle from the trash can, taunts the camera with it, throws it in the recycling bin, then runs off.]
Whatever this thing is, it's shaming us."
6081,24,Agency Director,": We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle?"
6082,24,Agent #1,: 32 armed guards. He killed two.
6083,24,Agent #2,: It's on the phone.
6084,24,Agency Director,": Put him on, and locate the phone he's using."
6085,24,Agent #2,":picks up the phone]
Hello."
6086,24,Pickle Rick,": Hi, um, can you, uh (burps) please let me out."
6087,24,Agency Director,: Your mere presence in this building violates international law.
6088,24,Agent #1,":[walks up to the Agency Director with a clipboard, which reads ""LEVEL 3 / ROOM 304"" in red pen. He taps the clipboard. The Agency Director looks at it and nods.]
I couldn't let you out even if you hadn't killed two men."
6089,24,Pickle Rick,: You should know those men killed themselves.
6090,24,Agency Director,: And how is that?
6091,24,Pickle Rick,: They didn't (burps) let me out.
6092,24,Agent #2,:Solen'ya.
6093,24,Agency Director,": Shut your mouth and do your jobs, you fucking children!"
6094,24,Pickle Rick,": Uh, is this not a good time or...?"
6095,24,Agency Director,": Some of my men are calling you ""Solen'ya"": The Pickle Man, an old wives tale. He crawls from bowls of cold soup to steal the dreams of wasteful children."
6096,24,Pickle Rick,: That'd be a lucky break for you.
6097,24,Agent #1,": Go, shoot to kill!"
6098,24,Agent #3,: Aaah! We got him.
6099,24,Agency Director,: Ah.
6100,24,Agent #1,: Ah.
6101,24,Pickle Rick,: ...because this pickle doesn't care about your children. And I'm not gonna take their dreams. I'm gonna take their parents.
6102,24,Agent #2,: Solen'ya! He's coming! It's because I threw half-way my sandwich!
6103,24,Agency Director,: He's just a pickle!
6104,24,Agent #2,: He's a monster!
6105,24,Agency Director,": He's not the only one.
[The agency director straightens his tie. Transition to another door. The agency director uses a key card to open the door, which leads to another metal door with two guards standing next to it. He turns the wheel on the door, opening it. Jaguar sits inside.]
You can stay, dead to the world and die in this room. Or you can kill a pickle for me and earn your freedom."
6106,24,Jaguar,: There is no freedom while your leader breathes. Our country is a prison.
6107,24,Agency Director,": Then Katarina is a prisoner. Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. She lives, Jaguar."
6108,24,Jaguar,: Where is this pickle?
6109,24,Dr. Wong,": What do you think is in the syringe, Beth?"
6110,24,Beth,: You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me.
6111,24,Summer,: Anti-pickle serum.
6112,24,Morty,: Anti-pickle serum.
6113,24,Dr. Wong,: Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum.
6114,24,Beth,": My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases.
[Morty picks up a book which sits on Dr. Wong's coffee table, which he opens and reads]
They're just angry at me for divorcing their father."
6115,24,Summer,: I never said I was angry at you.
6116,24,Beth,": That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. You do it so you don't have to say ""I'm angry at mommy"" out loud."
6117,24,Morty,": Oh, my God!
[Morty closes the book and puts it back on the coffee table, pointing at it]
Oh, there-there's pictures of people eating poop in there!
[Dr. Wong picks the book up and puts it on her lap]
"
6118,24,Dr. Wong,": It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him --"
6119,24,Beth,": He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone."
6120,24,Dr. Wong,: You admire him for that.
6121,24,Beth,: It's better than making your problems other people's problems.
6122,24,Pickle Rick,": Oh, come on!"
6123,24,Jaguar,": Pickle Man, you should know this isn't personal!"
6124,24,Pickle Rick,: You should know that isn't original.
6125,24,Jaguar,": They have my daughter.
[Jaguar takes a water bottle and pours the water into his open wound]
There's nothing I won't do to see her again."
6126,24,Pickle Rick,": Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, but killing you gets me to her quicker than your derivative bullshit."
6127,24,Jaguar,": I never bullshit, Pickle Man. This can only end with one of us dead, and I have never died."
6128,24,Pickle Rick,": That will be your downfall, Jaguar, not being open to new experiences."
6129,24,Agency Director,:Is it done? Jaguar?!
6130,24,Pickle Rick,: Jaguar couldn't make it.
6131,24,Agency Director,": Do it.
Okay, you win, Pickle Man.
I'm unsealing the building."
6132,24,Pickle Rick,": No, thanks.
I'm coming for you now."
6133,24,Agency Director,": Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two.
I'll give you the combination."
6134,24,Agent #2,: That money belongs to the people.
6135,24,Agency Director,": Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?!"
6136,24,Pickle Rick,": Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free.
Or I'll be visiting you."
6137,24,Agency Director,: Jaguar's daughter is dead.
6138,24,Pickle Rick,": Huh, so you're a liar."
6139,24,Agency Director,": Jaguar was an animal.
You're an intelligent pickle.
We can do business."
6140,24,Pickle Rick,": I don't think so.
See you soon."
6141,24,Agency Director,: Is the helicopter here?
6142,24,Agent #2,": Yes.
And the police are on the way.
What do we tell them? Ooh! Aah!"
6143,24,Agency Director,: Tell them we were robbed.
6144,24,Agent #2,": Hey! Hey, what are you doing?! I'm right here!"
6145,24,Agency Director,": Farewell, Solen'ya."
6146,24,Jaguar,: This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes.
6147,24,Pickle Rick,": Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live."
6148,24,Jaguar,": Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter I love her, but not for you."
6149,24,Pickle Rick,": Oh, well, uh, she knows.
I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment.
In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants."
6150,24,Jaguar,": Okay.
Good luck with that.
Wait.
Do I have infinite daughters?"
6151,24,Pickle Rick,": Huh? Uh, no.
No, nope, sorry about that.
Nope, just me.
Yeesh!"
6152,24,Beth,: I am afraid that my kids will get expelled.
6153,24,Dr. Wong,": Good.
Summer, you go."
6154,24,Summer,": I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks.
I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high."
6155,24,Dr. Wong,": Good job.
Morty, do you have an ""I"" statement? I am sad that I peed."
6156,24,Morty,: I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet.
6157,24,Dr. Wong,": Look at this family go.
You guys are pros.
What do you guys think about doing this once a week?"
6158,24,Pickle Rick,: Ugh.
6159,24,Dr. Wong,: You must be Rick.
6160,24,Pickle Rick,: Mm-hmm.
6161,24,Dr. Wong,": I've heard a lot about you today.
Your family is crazy about you.
Your daughter holds you in very high regard.
You're a lucky fella."
6162,24,Pickle Rick,": Yeah, thank you.
Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse?"
6163,24,Beth,": Dad I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe.
It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive.
I have had a rough day.
And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage.
I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent."
6164,24,Dr. Wong,: By changing you from a pickle to a human.
6165,24,Pickle Rick,: Yes.
6166,24,Dr. Wong,": Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? So I wouldn't have to come here."
6167,24,Pickle Rick,": Why didn't you want to come here? Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist.
Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it.
And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything.
I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself.
I'm not a cow.
I'm a pickle When I feel like it.
So you asked."
6168,24,Dr. Wong,": Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness.
You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse.
And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control.
You chose to come here, you chose to talk to belittle my vocation, just as you chose to become a pickle.
You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces.
Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand.
I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass.
Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure.
There's no way to do it so wrong you might die.
It's just work.
And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die.
Each of us gets to choose.
That's our time.
I'm going to give you guys my card and hope to hear from you again.
And if you have any friends or family that eat poop and would like to stop, give them my number."
6169,24,Pickle Rick,": I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing.
I, I shouldn't lie to you."
6170,24,Beth,": Oh, it's fine.
I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't.
But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be."
6171,24,Pickle Rick,": Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it.
Well, there was so much more at stake."
6172,24,Pickle Rick,": I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist."
6173,24,Morty,: Are we gonna go back?
6174,24,Pickle Rick,": Sweetie, could I get Get that syringe now?"
6175,24,Beth,": Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse.
Oh, I'm sorry.
You must be in agony."
6176,24,Rick,": Eh.
Jesus.
Jesus Christ.
Therapists, man."
6177,24,Beth,: Weird breed.
6178,24,Rick,": Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach.
[To Beth] We should get a drink."
6179,24,Beth,":Really? Like, go somewhere?"
6180,24,Rick,":  Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on."
6181,24,Beth,: Absolutely.
6182,24,Morty,": I, I liked her."
6183,24,Rick,": So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's?"
6184,24,Beth,"Yeah, either one."
6185,24,Rick,:Either one.
6186,24,Rick,": You'll never get away with this, Concerto."
6187,24,Concerto,": That is where you're mistaken, Mr. Sanchez.
This shall be my greatest performance of all time!"
6188,24,Rick,": This is it, Morty.
We're goners.
We're not getting out of this one.
After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die.
Make peace with your god."
6189,24,Morty,": Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die!"
6190,24,Concerto,: And now for the E-splat!
6191,24,Rick,: Jaguar!
6192,24,Morty,": Who? Who was that, Rick?"
6193,24,Rick,": That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy."
6194,24,Pickle Rick,"(offscreen, in the distance) Morty."
6195,24,Morty,Rick?
6196,24,Pickle Rick,"(offscreen, in the distance) Morty! "
6197,24,Morty,Rick?
6198,24, Pickle Rick,"(offscreen, in the distance) Hey, Mooorty!"
6199,24,Morty,"Rick? Are you far away, or are you inside something? "
6200,24,Pickle Rick,"(offscreen, in the distance) Morty, the garage, Morty. Come to the garage!"
6201,24,Pickle Rick,Morty?
6202,24,Morty,Rick? W-where are you?
6203,24,Pickle Rick,"On my work bench, Morty."
6204,24,Morty,"Are you invisible and you're gonna, like, fart on me?"
6205,24,Pickle Rick,Flip the pickle over.
6206,24,Morty,"What, I'm gonna touch it, and you're gonna tell me it's an alien dick or something."
6207,24,Pickle Rick,"Come on, flip the pickle, Morty. You're not gonna regret it. The payoff is huge."
6208,24,"[Morty hesitantly picks up the screwdriver and turns the pickle over. The pickle has Rick's face on it] I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! Boom! Big reveal","I'm a pickle. What do you think about that? I turned myself into a pickle! W-what are you just staring at me for, bro. I turned myself into a pickle, Morty! "
6209,24,Morty,And? 
6210,24,Pickle Rick,"""And""? What more do you want tacked on to this? I turned myself into a pickle, and 9/11 was an inside job?"
6211,24,Morty,Was it?
6212,24,Pickle Rick,"Who cares, Morty? Global acts of terrorism happen every day. Uh, here's something that's never happened before"
6213,24,Morty,"Are you going to, I mean, you know, is this the first part of some magic trick? "
6214,24,Pickle Rick,"I don't do magic, Morty, I do science. One takes brains, the other takes dark eye liner."
6215,24,Morty,"Well, can you move? Can you fly? "
6216,24,Pickle Rick,I wouldn't be much of a pickle if I could.
6217,24,Morty,"All right, well, do pickles live forever or -- "
6218,24,Pickle Rick,"Morty, stop digging for hidden layers and just be impressed. I'm a pickle."
6219,24,Morty,I-I'm just trying to figure out why you would do this. Why anyone would do this.
6220,24,Pickle Rick,"The reason anyone would do this is, if they could, which they can't, would be because they could, which they can't."
6221,24,Beth,"Morty, we have to get going, or we're gonna be late. Where's your grandpa? "
6222,24,Pickle Rick,"Right here, sweetie. I'm a pickle! "
6223,24,Beth,"What?! Why would you -- Look, we're running late. We have to go."
6224,24,Pickle Rick,Where are you guys going?
6225,24,Beth,"We have an appointment downtown that was set a week ago and agreed upon by everyone, including you."
6226,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, my God. Beth, oh, it totally slipped my mind. Geez, oh, man. I'm a pickle. I mean, I don't know if I can, ooh, geez."
6227,24,Morty,"Rick, did you do this on purpose to get out of family counseling?"
6228,24,Beth,Morty!
6229,24,Pickle Rick,"It's okay, Beth. I understand Morty's suspicion. I've misled him before. Morty, turn me so we're making eye contact."
6230,24,Summer,Can't you just turn yourself back into a human?
6231,24,Pickle Rick,"Great question, Summer. The unfortunate answer is I did this to challenge myself. And it could take hours or even days before I'm able to figure out how to return to human form. But, I mean, you know, your mom could put me in a purse or a pocket, you know, if she really needs me to go."
6232,24,Beth,"Nobody needs anything! Okay, it's fine. I mean, you should just stay here and figure out how to stop being a pickle, okay? "
6233,24,Morty,"Hey, Rick, why is there a syringe of mysterious fluid hanging directly over you? Also, why is the string attached to it running through a pair of scissors attached to a timer? And why is the time set to 10 minutes from now, exactly when we would have left for therapy? "
6234,24,Pickle Rick,"Well, Morty, if you know must know, the syringe is completely unrelated to this discussion, and, therefore, it does not warrant further explanation."
6235,24,Beth,"Enough. Kids, it's time to go. We don't want to be late."
6236,24,Pickle Rick,"W-w-what are you doing there, Beth? What are you doing there, sweetie?"
6237,24,Beth,"Well, I mean, you don't want to get pierced by a needle full of liquid unrelated to your situation. How's that gonna help?"
6238,24,Pickle Rick,Can't argue with that.
6239,24,Beth,Great. We'll see you later.
6240,24,Pickle Rick,"Hey, hey, be careful with that. It's for something else. It's really important, so don't break it."
6241,24,Pickle Rick,"Okay, I may have fucked up here. Dup, ap, ap, pap, ut, dah, pap, pap, pap, pah. T-t-tah, tah. [clicks tongue]"
6242,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, great. Stupid cat."
6243,24,Pickle Rick,"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I know what it looks like to you, Izzy, but I'm not a snake! I've seen the YouTube videos, I know cats are scared of cucumbers and pickles because they think they're snakes. I'm not a snake! I'm a pickle, I'm a pickle!"
6244,24,Pickle Rick,"Whoa! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa!"
6245,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, crap, that sun is bright."
6246,24,Pickle Rick,"Okay, come on. This can't really be the way I go out. This is the mega-genius equivalent of dying on the toilet."
6247,24,Pickle Rick,So... hot. This is how I'm gonna die.
6248,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, God, moisture."
6249,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, God, the moisture! Dial it back, God! Dial it back a little bit here!"
6250,24,Pickle Rick,Oh! Oh!
6251,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, God! Perpendicular, perpendicular!"
6252,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, SHIIIIIT!!! Oh! Oh! Oh! "
6253,24,Pickle Rick,Come on. That's it.
6254,24,Pickle Rick,Come get this delicious brine.
6255,24,Pickle Rick,"Aah! Come on! Come on, motherfucker! Come on!"
6256,24,Pickle Rick,Yes!
6257,24,"[Transition to Beth, Summer, and Morty sitting in a waiting room outside of Dr. Wong's therapy office. Beth is reading a magazine, while Summer sits with her head resting on her fist. The door to her office reads","""Dr. WONG / FAMILY THERAPY / COPROPHRAGIA RECOVERY"". There is a motivational picture of a man eating a hot dog which reads ""COURAGE"" underneath it.]"
6258,24,Summer,How is this even family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come?
6259,24,Morty,"Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog?"
6260,24,Beth,"It's nobody's choice to be here, you knobs. The family was told to get counseling by your principal, even though it's not the family that was huffing pottery glaze in the art room and desk wetting in history class."
6261,24,Mr. Goldenfold,"Oh, the Smith family, minus a dad. You're patients of Dr. Wong, too?"
6262,24,Beth,Temporarily. By order of the school.
6263,24,Mr. Goldenfold,Me too. How long have you all been eating poop? 
6264,24,Summer,We... have never... eaten poop.
6265,24,Mr. Goldenfold,"Uh, me, neither. Say, where did my family get off to?"
6266,24,Dr. Wong,"Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. Come on in."
6267,24,Dr. Wong,I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us?
6268,24,Beth,"He got wrapped up in an experiment. He's a scientist. Like, legit, like on an inter-galactic, sci-fi level. His work is very -- "
6269,24,Morty,He turned himself into a pickle.
6270,24,Beth,"Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here."
6271,24,Dr. Wong,Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot?
6272,24,Beth,"What? No, what kind of question is that?"
6273,24,Dr. Wong,The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way.
6274,24,Beth,"Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these. No, my father has never turned himself into a pickle before. He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which..."
6275,24,Dr. Wong,"Okay, let's open things up to the whole family, and let me ask this. Why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle?"
6276,24,Pickle Rick,Wow. Ugh.
6277,24,Pickle Rick,"Hey, listen, I know this is your world not mine. The sooner I can get out, the sooner I can go back to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them."
6278,24,Pickle Rick,You are one driven rat. Could you be a little more driven? To the right.
6279,24,Pickle Rick,"Yes, yes, yes! Come on, come on, come on! Fresh, fresh, fresh!"
6280,24,Pickle Rick,"Whoa, whoa, whoa, was this your friend? Don't worry, he died doing what he loved, being a dumb fucking rat."
6281,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, yeah! Aaaah!"
6282,24,Beth,"I didn't say my father is perfect, I said his work is important."
6283,24,Summer,And she's saying what's important is that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here.
6284,24,Beth,"Oh, he did not! "
6285,24,Dr. Wong,Let's do an experiment here. I get the impression this family values science. So raise your hand if you feel certain you know what was in the syringe.
6286,24,Beth,Do you really not see what's happening here?
6287,24,Dr. Wong,Tell me.
6288,24,Beth,"Well, Dr. Wong -- by the way, racist name -- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy."
6289,24,Dr. Wong,"Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings."
6290,24,Beth,Fuck you.
6291,24,"Morty and Summer, in unison",Mom!
6292,24,Beth,"Fuck both of you, too."
6293,24,Pickle Rick,"By the way, you might notice that in spite of your numerous distinctive features, I never gave you a name like Scar or Stripe or Goliath. That's because, to me, you aren't special."
6294,24,Pickle Rick,Pickle Riiick!
6295,24,Pickle Rick,"Hey, it's cool. Just need to find the nearest exit."
6296,24,Pickle Rick,"Whoa, whoa, whoa! No need to freak out."
6297,24,Pickle Rick,Whoa! Who in the fuck's toilet is this?
6298,24,Agency Director,What is it?
6299,24,Agent #1,A pickle. A rat. Both.
6300,24,Agent #2,It says it's a scientist.
6301,24,Agency Director,Where is it?
6302,24,Agent #1,It seems to be using the air ducts and the mail tubes to get around.
6303,24,Agent #1," It's been gathering office supplies, we think, to build weaponry. But look what it did on the mezzanine."
6304,24,Agency Director,"We have 34 armed guards, and we can't kill a pickle? "
6305,24,Agent #1,32 armed guards. He killed two.
6306,24,Agent #2,It's on the phone.
6307,24,Agency Director,"Put him on, and locate the phone he's using. "
6308,24,Pickle Rick,"Hi, um, can you, uh (burps) please let me out."
6309,24,Agency Director,Your mere presence in this building violates international law.
6310,24,Pickle Rick,You should know those men killed themselves.
6311,24,Agency Director,And how is that?
6312,24,Pickle Rick,They didn't (burps) let me out.
6313,24,Agent #2,Solen'ya.
6314,24,Agency Director,"Shut your mouth and do your jobs, you fucking children!"
6315,24,Pickle Rick,"Uh, is this not a good time or...?"
6316,24,Agency Director,"Some of my men are calling you ""Solen'ya"""
6317,24,Pickle Rick,That'd be a lucky break for you.
6318,24,Agent #1,"Go, shoot to kill!"
6319,24,Agent #3,Aaah! We got him.
6320,24,Agency Director,Ah.
6321,24,Agent #1,Ah.
6322,24,Pickle Rick,...because this pickle doesn't care about your children. And I'm not gonna take their dreams. I'm gonna take their parents.
6323,24,Agent #2,Solen'ya! He's coming! It's because I threw half-way my sandwich!
6324,24,Agency Director,He's just a pickle!
6325,24,Agent #2,He's a monster!
6326,24,Agency Director,He's not the only one.
6327,24,Jaguar,There is no freedom while your leader breathes. Our country is a prison.
6328,24,Agency Director,"Then Katarina is a prisoner. Perhaps I could arrange her escape, as well. She lives, Jaguar."
6329,24,Jaguar,Where is this pickle?
6330,24,Dr. Wong,"What do you think is in the syringe, Beth?"
6331,24,Beth,You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me.
6332,24,Morty and Summer,Anti-pickle serum.
6333,24,Dr. Wong,Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum.
6334,24,Beth,My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases. 
6335,24,Summer,I never said I was angry at you.
6336,24,Beth,"That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. You do it so you don't have to say ""I'm angry at mommy"" out loud."
6337,24,Morty,"Oh, my God!"
6338,24,Dr. Wong,"It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him -- "
6339,24,Beth,"He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone."
6340,24,Dr. Wong,You admire him for that.
6341,24,Beth,It's better than making your problems other people's problems.
6342,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, come on!"
6343,24,Jaguar,"Pickle Man, you should know this isn't personal!"
6344,24,Pickle Rick,You should know that isn't original.
6345,24,Pickle Rick,"Yeah, there's lots I wouldn't do to see my daughter, but killing you gets me to her quicker than your derivative bullshit."
6346,24,Jaguar,"I never bullshit, Pickle Man. This can only end with one of us dead, and I have never died."
6347,24,Pickle Rick,"That will be your downfall, Jaguar, not being open to new experiences."
6348,24,Agency Direcotr,Is it done? Jaguar?! 
6349,24,Pickle Rick,Jaguar couldn't make it.
6350,24,Agency Director,Do it.
6351,24,Pickle Rick,"No, thanks."
6352,24,Agency Director,"Pickle Man, there's $100 million worth of bonds in a safe on level two."
6353,24,Agent #2,That money belongs to the people.
6354,24,Agency Director,"Shut up and call me a helicopter, you prick! Do we have a deal?! "
6355,24,Pickle Rick,"Take that money, give it to Jaguar's daughter when you set her free."
6356,24,Agency Director,Jaguar's daughter is dead.
6357,24,Pickle Rick,"Huh, so you're a liar."
6358,24,Agency Director,Jaguar was an animal.
6359,24,Pickle Rick,I don't think so.
6360,24,Agency Director,Is the helicopter here?
6361,24,Agent #2,Yes. And the police are on the way. What do we tell them?
6362,24,Agency Director,Tell them we were robbed.
6363,24,Agency Director,"Farewell, Solen'ya."
6364,24,Jaguar,F-15s are scrambled. This helicopter will be shot down in seven minutes.
6365,24,Pickle Rick,"Well, my daughter is about five away, and I've got about eight to live."
6366,24,Jaguar,"Pickle Man, it's too late for me to tell my daughter I love her, but not for you."
6367,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, well, uh, she knows. I mean, we don't really buy into that kind of crap, to the extent that love is an expression of familiarity over time, my access to infinite timelines precludes the necessity of attachment. In fact, I even abandoned one of my infinite daughters in an alternate version of earth that was taken over by mutants."
6368,24,Jaguar,Okay. Good luck with that. Wait. Do I have infinite daughters? 
6369,24,Pickle Rick,"Huh? Uh, no. No, nope, sorry about that. Nope, just me. Yeesh! "
6370,24,Beth,I am afraid that my kids will get expelled.
6371,24,Dr. Wong,Good.
6372,24,Summer,I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks. I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high.
6373,24,Dr. Wong,Good job.
6374,24,Morty, I am sad that I peed. I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet.
6375,24,Dr. Wong,Look at this family go. You guys are pros. What do you guys think about doing this once a week? 
6376,24,Pickle Rick,Ugh.
6377,24,Dr. Wong,You must be Rick.
6378,24,Pickle Rick,Mm-hmm.
6379,24,Dr. Wong,I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella.
6380,24,Pickle Rick,"Yeah, thank you."
6381,24,Beth,"Dad, I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe."
6382,24,Pickle Rick,"It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive."
6383,24,Dr. Wong,By changing you from a pickle to a human.
6384,24,Pickle Rick,Yes.
6385,24,Dr. Wong,"Rick, why did you lie to your daughter? "
6386,24,Pickle Rick,So I wouldn't have to come here.
6387,24,Dr. Wong,Why didn't you want to come here? 
6388,24,Pickle Rick,"Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything. "
6389,24,Dr. Wong,"Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. "
6390,24,Pickle Rick,"I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing."
6391,24,Beth,"Oh, it's fine."
6392,24,Pickle Rick,"Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever..."
6393,24,Beth,"[Laughs] She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it."
6394,24,Pickle Rick,"Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist."
6395,24,Summer,Are we gonna go back? 
6396,24,Pickle Rick,"Sweetie, could I ge-get that syringe now? "
6397,24,Beth,"Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony."
6398,24,Pickle Rick,Eh.
6399,24,Rick,"Jesus. Jesus Christ. Therapists, man."
6400,24,Beth,Weird breed.
6401,24,Rick,"Man, I missed having hands and blood and a stomach."
6402,24,Beth,"Really? Like, go somewhere? "
6403,24,Rick,"Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on."
6404,24,Beth,Absolutely!
6405,24,Morty,"I, I liked her."
6406,24,Beth,"So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's?"
6407,24,Rick,"Yeah, either one. Either one."
6408,24,Rick,"You'll never get away with this, Concerto."
6409,24,Concerto,"That is where you're mistaken, Mr. Sanchez."
6410,24,Rick,"This is it, Morty. We're goners. We're not getting out of this one. After everything we've been through, this is how we're gonna die."
6411,24,Morty,"Oh, geez, Rick, I-I-I don't want to die! "
6412,24,Concerto,And now for the E-splat! 
6413,24,Rick,Jaguar! 
6414,24,Morty,"Who? Who was that, Rick? "
6415,24,Rick,"That, Morty, is why you don't go to therapy."
6416,25,NOTE:," Because a drunken Rick on a video recording is treated as a separate character by others, ""Drunk Rick"" will be noted here separately from ""Rick"".
"
6417,25,"[Open in the garage; Rick is working at his desk, while Morty is vacuuming up blue, one-eyed, slug-like creatures that are slithering all over the place]",<br/>
6418,25,[Open on an establishing shot of the Vindicator command ship],<br/>
6419,25,[Open on an establishing shot of the command ship],<br/>
6420,25,[Open on an establishing shot of the command ship the next morning],<br/>
6421,25,"[In the briefing room, Morty walks in to find the Vindicators looking down at Rick, who is passed out on the table with his pants down and lying in puddles of his own diarrhea]]",<br/>
6422,25,"[The ship passes by the planet's surface, and the Vindicators hop out and land safely on the ground at the entrance to Worldender's hideout; Morty is riding on Million Ants, while Crocubot is holding a passed-out Rick; various drones advance toward the team]",<br/>
6423,25,[The team makes their way through the malls leading to Worldender's lair],<br/>
6424,25,[Open on the team watching Drunk Rick on the monitor],<br/>
6425,25,"[The next room, contains a metal platform; another monitors lowers, showing Drunk Rick wearing a deerstalker cap]",<br/>
6426,25,[Everyone goes into the next room; the doors close behind them; another monitor is there showing Drunk Rick wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt and holding a coconut drink],<br/>
6427,25,"[The team (or, rather, what's left of it) enters the enxt room; the doors close behind then, inside is a platform and another monitor with Drunk Rick on it]",<br/>
6428,25,"[Underneath the platform, the chair powers Morty into a rocket-shaped cart; it starts moving forward like a dark ride at a theme park; he passes through a cardboard cutout environment depicting giant monsters destroying a city]",<br/>
6429,25,"[Supernova, Million Ants and Rick are standing by the platform when a bitter Morty emerges from it]",<br/>
6430,25,[The platform reaches the top and the three suddenly find themselves at a party],<br/>
6431,25,"[On Gear World, Gear Head, wearing Morty's Vindicator jacket, is hanging out with two Gear girls by a gear cream stand]",<br/>
6432,26,Rick,": Jerry! Jerry, come on! We got to go! You got to come with me, Jerry! "
6433,26,Jerry,: Rick?
6434,26,Rick,": It’s important, Jerry. The fate of the galaxy rests on your shoulders. Let’s go. Put some pants on. N-Never mind, there’s no time for pants, Jerry. I’ll make you a pair of pants on the way. It’s a Rick and Jerry adventure! Rick and Jerry episode! "
6435,26,Rick,": Then I thought, ""Hey, what about Jerry? He’s… He’s good with regular folk."" This is a real situation where… where… Where Jerry could really shine. ""He’s a master convincer."""
6436,26,Jerry,": Rick, I’m not an idiot. I know what this is."
6437,26,Rick,": Oh. Okay, well, I told Morty, ""Look, parents get divorced. They get sad. He’ll be fine,"" but I think he’s worried you’re gonna, you know Pbht! And you know how Morty gets when he gets emotional. It impedes my work. So, I told him I’d take you out and give you a win."
6438,26,Jerry,: Wait. My son asked you to take me on some kind of pity adventure to keep me from killing myself?
6439,26,Rick,": Wait, w-what did you think it was?"
6440,26,Jerry,: An execution.
6441,26,Rick,: Geez! You really do need a win.
6442,26,Jerry,": No! I-I don’t know. I mean, you never made me the pants, so…"
6443,26,Rick,": So, you thought I was gonna drive you into the middle of the galaxy and shove you into the vacuum of space with your dick hanging out? And we’re seeing how you’d act if that were about to happen? I mean [bleep] I’ll make you the pants right now. Take me two seconds to make you pants."
6444,26,Jerry,: I have pants at home!
6445,26,Rick,": Jerry, if I make pants, they’ll be better than your pants at home. Also, if I wanted to kill you…"
6446,26,Jerry,": Yeah, I get it. It would be amazing. Please, take me home. I’ll tell my son we had an amazing adventure."
6447,26,Rick,": Well, if it’s all the same, could we go get our story straight? Because you’re a terrible liar."
6448,26,Jerry,: You called me a master convincer!
6449,26,Rick,: You believed me?
6450,26,Jerry,: Huh. This seems kind of fancy.
6451,26,Rick,": Jerry, for all you know, this is the equivalent of an alien truck stop. You have no frame of reference. You’re in a universe beyond your imagining. But, yes, it is super fancy. I mean, my job here is to make Morty happy. I’m not gonna take you somewhere dangerous."
6452,26,Shnoopy Bloopers,": Rick Sanchez. I told you if I ever saw your face in here again, I would stick you like the pig you are."
6453,26,Rick,":  Shnoopy Bloopers, I told you if you tried There’d be two funerals."
6454,26,Jerry,":  Aaah!! Someone? Uh, someone? Someone! "
6455,26,Shnoopy Bloopers,:  My friend! It has been too long.
6456,26,Rick,":  Oh, it’s great to see you again, buddy! Yeah, you’re doing it."
6457,26,Shnoopy Bloopers,:  Mr. Sanchez gets anything he wants! 
6458,26,Rick,:  The resort’s covered in an immortality field. You can’t die here. That’s the gimmick.
6459,26,Jerry,":  Okay, but still Bad parenting."
6460,26,Rick,":  Hey, rich a-holes are rich a-holes. They all pay top dollar to come here and enjoy a consequence-free vacation. No death, no disease, no dismemberment. Can’t even have a heart attack."
6461,26,Jerry,:  Got it.    The perfect place to take the most fragile being in the universe.
6462,26,Rick,":  I can tell you expect me to refute that, but it’s right on the money. If I come home without you, I doubt Morty’s gonna let me off the hook."
6463,26,Jerry,":  Yeah, but what if you came home with Jeff Goldblum."
6464,26,Jerry,":  Jeff Goldblum? What the are you talking about, Jerry? Jesus! Holy shit! Yo, what’s up, ""Big Chill""?! Don’t go into the telepod! "
6465,26,Jerry,":  Hey, maybe we would have fun on a fake adventure."
6466,26,Rick,:  On a fake adventure.
6467,26,Jerry,:  Speaking of What are we gonna tell Morty? 
6468,26,Rick,":  I don’t know.
    But whatever it is, we’re gonna need a couple more of these babies! "
6469,26,Beth,:  What’s wrong? 
6470,26,Summer,":  Mom, do you think I’m hot? "
6471,26,Beth,:  I don’t think that’s something that matters.
6472,26,Summer,":  So, I’m not hot?! "
6473,26,Beth,:  I’m saying the part of you that cares about that is a part you shouldn’t give any energy to.
6474,26,Summer,:  That’s not an answer! 
6475,26,Beth,":  Because I’m not an issue of Cosmo, okay? I’m your mother and a doctor, and "
6476,26,Summer,:  I’m hideous! 
6477,26,Morty,:  Geez. What’s with her? 
6478,26,Beth,:  Teenage-girl stuff.
6479,26,Morty,:  Is that a hoof collage? 
6480,26,Beth,":  It’s perfectly legal, if that’s what you’re wondering."
6481,26,Morty,:  Cool zies.
6482,26,Summer,":  ""We just don’t have anything in common any more, Summer."" Oh, yeah, Ethan? What do you have in common with Tricia Lange? A mutual love of French cinema? The belief that a carbon tax is the only viable solution to climate change? Or could it be her massive stripper titties?!  There it is.Boob-ya!"
6483,26,Jerry,":  And that’s when Malakai the Squid came, rips off his face, and beneath it is my face."
6484,26,Three-headed Fellow at the Bar,:  I liked it.
6485,26,Jerry,":  Thank you, sir."
6486,26,Rick,":  Yeah, of course he likes it. Look at him. Mother got two heads and three trunks."
6487,26,Jerry,":  All right, we’ll put a pin in it. I’m gonna go take a leak. [Restroom] What the?! My hands are dry! My hands are dry! "
6488,26,Risotto Groupon,:  My name is Risotto Groupon. I am the assistant general manager of the restaurant.
6489,26,Jerry,":  Do you have any comment cards, because I might have some thoughts."
6490,26,Risotto Groupon,:  My kingdom was usurped by force with weapons and technology supplied by your father-in-law! 
6491,26,Jerry,":  Hey, he usurped my kingdom, too, man. He basically got me kicked out of my home, stole my family."
6492,26,Risotto Groupon,":  Then we are brothers, and you have wondered what your life could have been without Rick."
6493,26,Jerry,":  Wondered? Sure. I mean, I’ve wondered about having a vagina."
6494,26,Risotto Groupon,:  Would you help me kill him? 
6495,26,Jerry,:  What? No! He’s my wife’s father. Move on.
6496,26,Risotto Groupon,:  Do you like theme-park rides? 
6497,26,Jerry,":  Oh, you really moved on."
6498,26,Risotto Groupon,":  There is a popular attraction here called the Whirly Dirly. Between the first whirly and the third dirly, the ride dips just outside the immortality field."
6499,26,Jerry,:  You’re asking me to lure Rick to his death? 
6500,26,Risotto Groupon,":  I’m only asking you to go on a ride with Rick, get off the ride without Rick, and go home to your family, where you can wonder about having a vagina."
6501,26,Jerry,":  Okay, okay, that was a very specific example pulled from thin air. I don’t want to be known as the vagina guy."
6502,26,Restaurant Employee,":  Risotto, you’re needed. Someone ordered the Nuzzy Guzzy Fresh and Fluzzy Special."
6503,26,Risotto Groupon,":  [sighs]Look, I’m not like Rick, so you’re free to do as you please. But there comes a time in every man’s life when he must choose the foundation on which his legacy will be built One of compromise or one of blood."
6504,26,Summer,":  Oh, yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Oops! Okay, a little more on the other side then. Oh, come on! Oh, geez! Aah! Stop! "
6505,26,Morty,":  So, the hospital just let you walk right out of there with horse parts in a bag? "
6506,26,Beth,":  For Christ’s sakes, Morty, women going through a divorce need a creative outlet. What was that? "
6507,26,Morty,":  Summer! I’m coming, Summer! "
6508,26,Beth,:  What the hell happened?! How do we get her back to normal?! 
6509,26,Morty,":  I don’t know, man! This thing is pretty complicated. I-I’m gonna call Rick."
6510,26,Beth,":  Well, hold on. We can’t just call your grandpa whenever there’s a problem. We can handle this ourselves."
6511,26,Morty,":  I mean, I don’t see the point in trying to. This is obviously Rick-level shit "
6512,26,Beth,:  I have a medical degree.
6513,26,Morty,":  Is that what this is about? L-Like, you want to prove yourself? "
6514,26,Beth,":  Oh, it’s not about anything, Morty. How dare you? "
6515,26,Morty,":  Okay, good. Then I’ll just call Ow! "
6516,26,Beth,":  Morty, I need this."
6517,26,Rick,":  Hey, Jerry, triple trunks here says he knows a place where the ladies drop panties for anyone bi-pedal."
6518,26,Jerry,":  Yeah, I’m not really interested. My heart still belongs to Beth."
6519,26,Rick,:  Oh. Huh. Okay.
6520,26,Jerry,":  What, you don’t think I have a shot? "
6521,26,Rick,:  I didn’t say that.
6522,26,Jerry,:  Excuse me. May I have another one of these? 
6523,26,Bar-tender,:  Coming right up.
6524,26,Jerry,":  Hmm, things weren’t always so bad between Beth and me. We had some good times when we were younger."
6525,26,Rick,":  Oh, yeah, I bet. That’s how teenage pregnancy happens, my friend."
6526,26,Jerry,":  Yeah, no. Things were pretty great, even until a couple of years ago."
6527,26,Rick,":  Jerry, I get it. That’s around the time I moved in with you guys."
6528,26,Jerry,":  Oh, I guess you’re right."
6529,26,Rick,":  Jerry, you know, I hope you’re not suggesting that I had anything to do with your marriage breaking up, because there are some major issues between you and Beth that have been there since you guys met. Hey, to new beginnings."
6530,26,Jerry,:  To the Whirly Dirly.
6531,26,Rick,":  The Whirly Dirly? All right, what’s going on here? When did you get cool?! "
6532,26,Jerry,:  When you stole my wife! 
6533,26,Rick,:  I should have done that a long time ago! We’re going on the Whirly Dirly! 
6534,26,Jerry,":  Whirly Dirly, baby."
6535,26,Beth,":  Aha, look at this. It says ""normalize."" I bet if we just press that "
6536,26,Morty,":  But if the machine was made by spider people, normal would mean eight legs."
6537,26,Beth,":  Oh, God! Are you gonna go on another spiel like you did with the flesh-colored crayon? I’m pretty sure ""normalize"" will make her normal. Aah! I’d call that progress."
6538,26,Morty,:  She’s huge! 
6539,26,Beth,:  And normal! 
6540,26,Summer,:  I’m not normal! 
6541,26,Morty,:  Mom! 
6542,26,Beth,":  Okay, this says ""reverse."" Done and done."
6543,26,Morty,:  I don’t think that’s a good idea.
6544,26,Morty,":  Oh, come on! What else could ""reverse"" possibly mean? "
6545,26,Summer,:  Aah! 
6546,26,Morty,":  Mom, call Rick! Thank you."
6547,26,Beth,:  There’s a customer-service number on here.
6548,26,Morty,":  Mom! Oh, man."
6549,26,Rick,":  This is gonna be awesome! I got to hand it to you, Jerry. This was a solid idea."
6550,26,Jerry,":  Uh, yeah. Uh-huh."
6551,26,Rick,:  And you know what? I’ll cop to it. I put a lot of strain on your marriage. It wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.
6552,26,Jerry,:  What?! 
6553,26,Rick,":  I didn’t respect your marriage. I certainly didn’t do it any favors. And for what it’s worth, I’ll apologize to Beth for it when we get home. Whoo! Whirly Dirly! Yeah! "
6554,26,Jerry,:  Stop the ride! We got to get off.
6555,26,Rick,":  What are you talking about, buddy? "
6556,26,Jerry,:  We got to get out of this thing. We got to get out! 
6557,26,Rick,":  Jerry, come on, man! We haven’t even gotten to the first whirly."
6558,26,Jerry,":  No, no, this sucks. It’s so boring. I mean, I’m falling asleep here. Let’s just get out and crawl down the sides. Uh, get down! Duck down! It’s more fun when you scrunch down."
6559,26,Rick,":  Jerry, what the Oh shit "
6560,26,Jerry,":  Rick, up here! There’s a spot where you can kill him! "
6561,26,Rick,":  Good call, Jerry! Hey, how’d you know about that?"
6562,26,Jerry,:  Uh 
6563,26,Kid playing in resort,:  [shoots his sister and she dies for real] Lisa?
6564,26,Rick,":  So, uh, Jerry, big fan of the Whirly Dirly, are you?"
6565,26,Jerry,:  Not anymore. Obviously.
6566,26,Rick,": But when you were, how did you know about it?"
6567,26,Risotto Groupon,":  [groan] We had a deal, Jerry Smith… [pass out]"
6568,26,Jerry,: It’s a really common name. 
6569,26,Jerry,": Now, take it easy, Rick. You’ve been in a serious roller-coaster crash. It’s It’s no time to be thinking about who did or didn’t play a role in your attempted murder. Get it off me! It’s eating me! Look, I confess, okay? They told me about all the bad stuff you did to this planet and reminded me of all the bad stuff you did to me. But then you said you were sorry, and I realized you’re not a monster Not like this thing. It’s got me good. This is a mislead, right? You’re inventing a thing to save me."
6570,26,Rick,": That would be called a knife, Jerry. It’s been invented. I’m making a way out of here One seat ought to do it."
6571,26,Jerry,: I’m sorry. I-I made a mistake. I won’t do it again!
6572,26,Rick,: Nobody ever does.
6573,26,Jerry,: You self-righteous piece of [bleep]! You took my family!
6574,26,Rick,": I took your family? Who do you think had more taken from them when you shot 20 ccs of liquid dream-killer into my daughter? She was Rick’s daughter, Jerry. She had options!"
6575,26,Gibble Snake,: Oof.
6576,26,Rick,": That all ended because she felt sorry for you. You act like prey, but you’re a predator! You use pity to lure in your victims! That’s how you survive! I survive because I know everything. That snakes survives because children wander off, and you survive because people think, ""Oh, this poor piece of [bleep]. He never gets a break. I can’t stand the deafening silent wails of his wilting soul. I guess I’ll hire him or marry him."""
6577,26,Jerry,: Rick! Rick! I knew you wouldn’t let me die.
6578,26,Rick,: That was never an option.
6579,26,Jerry,: Because you never had a son.
6580,26,Rick,": No, because I need a living organism coated in gibble snake bile to attract a shmooglite runner."
6581,26,Jerry,": Wait, what’s happening?"
6582,26,Rick,": Use that confusion, Jerry. It’ll make you wriggle more like an abandoned newborn."
6583,26,Jerry,: Jesus Christ! What the Rick?! Help! Help me! Aaah!
6584,26,Rick,": There’s a space port 20 miles south. We’ll be able to board a galaxy class cruise ship and jump through a wormhole that will put us within spitting distance of the Milky Way. But, hey, it’s about the journey, not the destination, right, Jerry? "
6585,26,Beth,":  Just stay put, sweetie! Mom’s still on hold."
6586,26,Customer Service,:  Morphizer customer service. How may I help you? 
6587,26,Beth,":  Yes, I’m having a little trouble with one of your machines."
6588,26,Customer Service,":  Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Do you see a little compartment on the side of the machine? "
6589,26,Beth,":  Let me check. Yes, got it."
6590,26,Morty,:  Mom? 
6591,26,Customer Service,":  Great! Now, do you see the little button next to it? "
6592,26,Beth,:  I do.
6593,26,Customer Service,:  Give that button a push.
6594,26,Beth,:  Okay.
6595,26,Morty,":  Mom, listen to me! "
6596,26,Customer Service,:  We’re free!! 
6597,26,Beth,":  Okay, so I pushed the button, and three little men ran out. What do I do next? Hello? I think we got disconnected. Morty!"
6598,26,Morty,":  Don’t ""Morty"" me! I tricked Rick into taking Dad on an adventure because I thought I could get a break from this kind of but no! Like father, like damn daughter! You want to be like Rick, congratulations! You’re just as arrogant and just as irresponsible!"
6599,26,Gene,:  [walks up to fence] Everything okay here?
6600,26,Morty,":  Mind your own damn business, Gene! I’m having a conversation with my mother here! Kissing Rick’s ass isn’t gonna help him keep him around, Mom, but it will help you lose everyone else."
6601,26,Beth,:  Like I lost Summer.
6602,26,Morty,":  Hey, you haven’t lost her yet."
6603,26,Beth,":  No, I definitely did. She’s gone."
6604,26,Morty,:  God damn it! 
6605,26,Security,:  Go ahead.
6606,26,Rick,":  Oh, come on."
6607,26,Jerry,:  What’s happening? 
6608,26,Security,":  Your friend is class C or above cybernetic augmentations. Emphasis on the above. In any case, he needs to be neutralized."
6609,26,Jerry,:  What?! Wait! 
6610,26,Rick,:  Ugh! Brain hurty.
6611,26,Jerry,:  What did you do? 
6612,26,Security,":  It’s a synaptic dampener that blocks violent tendencies and controversial thought.
    He will now be an ideal passenger."
6613,26,Rick,":  I want cookies and a 90-minute cut of ""Avatar."""
6614,26,Jerry,:  Seriously? [snaps fingers]
6615,26,Rick,:  Quit it.
6616,26,Security,":  It’ll wear off in six hours.
    It’s cheaper than banning dangerous people from flights.
    I mean, let everybody buy a ticket, right? Otherwise, the terrorists win."
6617,26,Beth,":  Aah! I’m sorry I’m not a classic maternal archetype. Okay, I don’t know what to do when you people come to me with your weird puberty issues. What are you gonna do when your daughter asks you if she’s attractive? "
6618,26,Morty,":  I’ll say ""yes""! "
6619,26,Beth,":  Morty, gross! "
6620,26,Morty,":  Well, she’s gonna be super hot. Her mother’s gonna be Jessica Wait, when did Summer ask you that?! "
6621,26,Beth,:  Right before she Clive Barkered herself. Why? 
6622,26,Morty,":  Wait, I know where she is! Ethan and Summer were supposed to go camping, and then he dumped Summer for this girl, Tricia Lange, who’s got huge boobies and took her. Campsite The one with the name that sounds like somebody gave up halfway through naming it.  Uh Camp Flabanabba! "
6623,26,Beth,":  Mama’s coming, baby. Mama’s coming, and she cares about your titties! "
6624,26,Jerry,:  They have sweet smiggle honey cookies. Mmm! And low-calorie petroleum flakes.
6625,26,Rick,:  Obviously cookies.
6626,26,Jerry,:  Let’s get you the flakes then.
6627,26,Rick,":  Okay, but it’s not what I wanted."
6628,26,Jerry,":  Well, maybe next time, you won’t be such a dumb piece of and you can pick for yourself."
6629,26,Rick,:  That’s not nice.
6630,26,Jerry,:  What’s that? Did you just have a controversial thought? 
6631,26,Rick,:  No.
6632,26,Jerry,":  That’s what I thought, bitch. You little punk-ass. This is the best."
6633,26,Assassin,:  I agree. You’ve made things even easier than if you hadn’t been incompetent.
6634,26,Rick,:  Uh-oh. We get shoot-shoot now.
6635,26,Captain's Voice,":  Alright folks, if you could please take your seats, we’re about to enter the wormhole.
    So, I hope everybody bought a dinner first."
6636,26,Rick,:  Nice.
6637,26,Jerry,:  Nice.
6638,26,Assassin,":  Jerry, step over there and lock yourself in the escape pod."
6639,26,Jerry,:  You’re not killing us? 
6640,26,Assassin,:  I’m killing Rick. You’re free to go. You’re no threat to me or anyone.
6641,26,Jerry,:  Now you’re just being mean.
6642,26,Rick,":  Yeah, you’re mean No offense."
6643,26,Assassin,":  Mean would be shooting you, Jerry. This is saving a bullet. Go back to your quietly ashamed family and live out the rest of your days in denial of your vagina fantasies."
6644,26,Jerry,:  It was a one-time thought that everyone has! 
6645,26,Assassin,:  What are you doing? 
6646,26,Jerry,:  I’m being triumphantly brave! 
6647,26,Assassin,:  It’s not triumphant or brave. You’re not risking anything.
6648,26,Jerry,:  You might shoot me.
6649,26,Assassin,:  I think you know I won’t. Because you know I feel sorry for you. You’re just doing this so you can tell yourself you fought Ow!
6650,26,Computer voice,: Temporal shield compromised.
6651,26,Assassin,":  Congratulations, Jerry. You get to die a man."
6652,26,Jerry,":  Uh, that’s okay! I’ll leave! Please don’t shoot. I-I’m the vagina guy, remember? Whoa! What is happening to me? Where is this? Where am I? Am I dead? A-Am I Am I still alive? "
6653,26,Rick,: Those aren’t the questions you should be asking.
6654,26,Jerry,:  Huh?! 
6655,26,Rick,":  Shh! Ah, got ya! Come here, you little pumpkin. I have shit on my ass."
6656,26,Assassin,":  Whoa, oof this! "
6657,26,Rick,:  Who am I? 
6658,26,Assassin,:  Who am I? 
6659,26,Jerry,:  I’m time! I’m literally time!
6660,26,All,: Whooooa! Aah! 
6661,26,Jerry,":  Oh, God. I feel like our souls were united, and we were all one with eternity."
6662,26,Assassin,":  Our body’s unchanged, yet our minds have lived a thousand lifetimes. Is that enough time for me to forgive you?"
6663,26,Rick,": I don’t know, but it’s enough time for a synaptic dampener to wear off."
6664,26,Jerry,: [bleep]! He hadn’t decided he was still going to kill us!
6665,26,Rick,: He was talking himself into it. I’ve seen it before. Cosmic apotheosis wears off faster than salvia.
6666,26,Jerry,": I’m starting to believe you because I just finished merging with your essence for an endless epoch, and I’m already back to thinking you’re an asshole."
6667,26,Rick,":  Fine with me. Let’s just go our separate ways. Sounds like you and the word ""epoch"" have a lot of catching up to do."
6668,26,Jerry,":  Wait, don’t leave me! "
6669,26,Captain's Voice,":  Alright folks, you're free to get up and walk around the cabin and maybe take the wormhole out for breakfast."
6670,26,Another Voice,":  Ok, you can do the dinner one or the breakfast one but not both."
6671,26,Beth,:  You think you got that thing figured out? 
6672,26,Morty,":  Yeah, I know what I’m doing."
6673,26,Beth,:  Good. Because I have an idea.
6674,26,Tricia,":  It’s actually a contraction of ""some"" and ""more,"" you see that? "
6675,26,Ethan,":  Oh, wow. I was way off."
6676,26,Ethan,":  Morty, what’s happening here? "
6677,26,Morty,":  Summer got into my grandpa’s garage, messed around, and turned herself into a monster. My mom did the same to make her feel better. She’s a good mom."
6678,26,Tricia,":  Oh, my God. I have to go call my mother! "
6679,26,Ethan,":  Tricia, wait! "
6680,26,Morty,":  Ethan! Ethan! Hey, it’s okay. Sit down. You made my sister cry, Ethan. You messed with her body image."
6681,26,Ethan,":  Look, Morty, I "
6682,26,Morty,":  Shh, shh, shh. Careful, Ethan. Your s’more is burning."
6683,26,Rick,":  Uh, I guess we better get on the same page about our fake adventure."
6684,26,Jerry,:  Right.
6685,26,Rick,:  I’ll make you a deal. I’ll leave out the part where you tried to murder me 
6686,26,Jerry,:  And I’ll leave out the part where you admitted to sabotaging our marriage.
6687,26,Rick,:  You want to? 
6688,26,Jerry,":  Nah, if the family sees me like this, they’ll feel sorry for me. Which is no longer my signature move. Later days, amigo. Actually, I just realized, I don’t have my wallet, and my bus pass is in there, so maybe "
6689,26,Rick,":  Stay strong, Jerry. I believe in you! "
6690,26,Customer Service #1,": I tell you, fellas. This is the life."
6691,26,Customer Service #2,:  It certainly is.
6692,26,Customer Service #3,:  To freedom! Ooh! Looks like a 4-22.
6693,26,Customer Service #2,":  Ooh, a couple cranks on scaling knob with a four dilabyte cross fade would fix that in a jiff."
6694,26,Customer Service #1,:  Four? You’d be lucky to clear 13% de-morphized with that kind of range.
6695,26,Customer Service #3,":  Gentlemen, gentlemen, what did we agree on? "
6696,26,Together,": No work talk! Let’s just relax and enjoy our retirement, shall Oh, my God! Aaah!"
6697,27,Tricia,"So, Jessica, I heard you broke up with Brad.
"
6698,27,Holly,"Who are you gonna date; now that you can date anyone?
"
6699,27,Jessica,"I don’t know. I mean, obviously if someone special comes along. B-But I mean really special, like, nothing I’ve even remotely considered in the past.
"
6700,27,Morty,"(muttering while fixing his hair) Holyshitholyshitholyshit.
"
6701,27,Tricia,"I want that kind of love like that docking kind of love.
"
6702,27,Holly,"Oh, yeah.
"
6703,27,Tricia,"Like, penis in the foreskin kind of love Mm-hmm just, like, warm, just like...
"
6704,27,Morty,"Hey... (Cough) ah...
"
6705,27,Rick,"Everybody, fuck off. Morty, I need your help. W-W-W-We We need to go on a quick adventure.
"
6706,27,Morty,"You said I could go to school today.
"
6707,27,Rick,"That was before I needed something, Morty. There’s a plasma shard in the Abadango Cluster. A princess has it. If I get it, I’ll be awesome.
"
6708,27,Morty,"We’ve been going non-stop, Rick. It’s not healthy. You know, these are my teenage years. I-I just found out Jessica’s single.
"
6709,27,Rick,"Oh, that’s Wow, Morty. Wow. What an exciting life you lead. (shoots portal) Let’s go. In and out, 20 minutes adventure.
"
6710,27,[Timecard,"six days later. Cut to Rick and Morty inside a space cruiser in unkempt and fatigued condition with Morty in the wheel and Rick holding wires]
"
6711,27,Morty,"They’re on our tail!
"
6712,27,Rick,"Steady, Morty. Five cetons.
"
6713,27,Morty,"Wha!
"
6714,27,Rick,"Fire!
"
6715,27,Rick,"Pull up, Morty, pull up! Pull up!
"
6716,27,Rick and Morty,"(sigh)
"
6717,27,Rick,"(continues sighing) Fuck.
"
6718,27,Morty,"(crying)
"
6719,27,Rick,"(screams) Oh, fuck! Fuck! Ahh! Ahh!
"
6720,27,Morty,"I can’t fucking do this anymore!
"
6721,27,Rick,"That was seriously fucked up. We almost died.
"
6722,27,Morty,"So you agree?
"
6723,27,Rick,"Fuck yes! That w... T-This was insane! That was pure luck. I was not in control of that situation at all.
"
6724,27,Morty,"(continues crying)
"
6725,27,Rick,"(notices his hands shaking) Look at this, Morty. Look at my fucking hand. Look at this shit.
"
6726,27,Morty,"Why do you... Keep doing this to us?!
"
6727,27,Rick,"I don’t know, Morty. Maybe I hate myself, maybe I think I deserve to die. I-I-I-I don’t I don’t know!
"
6728,27,Morty,"(cries again)
"
6729,27,Rick,"We need a vacation.
"
6730,27,Rick,"Isn’t that something?
"
6731,27,Morty,"You were right. Best day spa in the galaxy. 
"
6732,27,Rick,"It's not even cruel, either. These things are just doing what they do in the wild. It loves swallowing stressed-out creatures for 20 minutes and then puking them up.
"
6733,27,Morty,"My whole body’s like a baby’s ass.
"
6734,27,Alien,"Complimentary psychological detox? Removes all your cognitive toxins, (clears throat) purifies your system. 
"
6735,27,Rick,"Oof, this guy on commission or something?
"
6736,27,Morty,"I don’t think. Are you on commission?
"
6737,27,Alien,"We’re not on (gurgle) commission. We get (gurgle) paid by the hour. There’s no incentive really-
"
6738,27,Rick,"(Annoyed) Oh, my god. Okay, listen. W-W-W-We’ll try the machine, but but I’d like you to try something. Try swallowing the giant ball of snot that’s dangling around in the back of your throat. (Throws drink on the ground while getting in the aliens face) It’s disgusting. Nobody wants to hear that. Ahem. Ahem! That’s
what you do. 
"
6739,27,Morty,(Grabs Rick by the arm and drags him into the room)
6740,27,Rick,"Wow, did you hear me bite that guy's head off? Geez, I really need to chill. 
"
6741,27,Morty,"Maybe you should go through
twice. 
"
6742,27,Rick,"All right, mister comedy man, you don’t have to bust my balls. You’re not helping things.
"
6743,27,Morty,"Rick, is this thing supposed to be making this no-
"
6744,27,Toxic Rick,"(He stands up and shouts out for Morty.) Morty!
"
6745,27,Toxic Morty,"(Toxic Morty is seen almost completely sunk inside the mud.) (Waves his hand weakly to get Rick's attention.) R-Rick.
"
6746,27,Toxic Rick,"Morty! (He walks up to Toxic Morty and forcefully grabs him and yanks Morty out and back onto his feet.)
"
6747,27,Toxic Morty,"Ugh! What Happened?
"
6748,27,Toxic Rick (Yelling at scared Toxic Morty),"We blew up, idiot! Are you really that stupid? Obviously the guy I yelled at overloaded the machine. It takes more than that to kill Rick and Morty, motherfucker! 
"
6749,27,Toxic Rick,"But this might do it. Run, Morty! 
"
6750,27,Toxic Morty,"E-Everything hurts! 
"
6751,27,Toxic Rick,"That’s because you’re worthless! (He steps on a creature’s face that’s in the muck, killing it.) Jesus, how big was this explosion? I’m a genius. I don’t have time for this shit.
"
6752,27,Toxic Morty,"(Scared, in the fetal position) W-W-We’re in Hell, aren’t we, Rick? 
"
6753,27,Toxic Rick,"(Points at Toxic Morty, yelling at him.) You’re so stupid, Morty. You’re an (Belches) idiot. There’s no such thing as Hell. 
"
6754,27,Toxic Morty,"I believe you, but I just want to die. 
"
6755,27,Toxic Rick,"You can die when I say so. I control you. I control the universe! Why am I bragging about that? I have nothing to prove. I’m surrounded by inferior pieces of shit and – 
"
6756,27,Toxic Rick,"Toxins. We’re not in Hell, Morty. (Looks around) We’re in the detoxifier. The machine didn’t blow up. It worked normally. (Wipes goo off of his arm) It removed our toxins. (He grabs Toxic Morty's face.) We’re the toxins. 
"
6757,27,Toxic Morty,"(Starts screaming in terror) Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!
"
6758,27,Toxic Rick,"Are you listening, you stupid little garbage person?! (Shakes Toxic Morty) We're what got removed! 
"
6759,27,Alien,"I hope you both found that detox sufficiently relaxing. 
"
6760,27,Rick,"Hey, man, listen Those comments I made about your throat? 
"
6761,27,Alien,"(Clears throat and swallows.) (Puts his hands up.) It’s all good. 
"
6762,27,Rick,"It’s nice of you to let me off the hook. It’s still unacceptable behavior, and I do regret it. 
"
6763,27,Alien,"Believe me, man, I’ve been working here a long time. I get it.
"
6764,27,Morty,"Hey, uh, you mind if I put on some music? 
"
6765,27,Rick,"Not at all. 
"
6766,27,Radio,"Grab my terrifolds...
"
6767,27,Rick,"What
is that? 
"
6768,27,Morty,"I just hit shuffle. 
"
6769,27,Rick,"Are you kidding? 
"
6770,27,Morty,"Haha.
"
6771,27,Rick,"This universe. (Burps) Oh, excuse me. 
"
6772,27,Morty,"We should listen to one random song a
day, you know? We’d end up hearing more songs we didn’t like, but we’d discover
a lot more that we did. 
"
6773,27,Rick,"That is an interesting concept. You
know, it makes me wonder if there’s an algorithmic expression that could
achieve the ideal ratio. Pfft! Listen to me, trying to calculate happiness over
here. 
"
6774,27,Morty,"Hoo, if anyone could, Rick. 
"
6775,27,Rick,"Hey, here’s
something no science could measure. I’m real proud to be your grandpa, Morty. 
"
6776,27,Morty,"Thanks, Rick. I love you.
"
6777,27,Toxic Rick,"Yeah, motherfucker! Yeah! Get it! Get some! Right up your fucking bitch ass, you fuck! Guess who just discovered a new element?! You think you could do that, Morty? You think anyone but me could do that ever in a billion years? Do you think if God existed he could do it? The answer is no. If God exists, it’s fucking me!
"
6778,27,Toxic Morty,"Yes, Rick. I-I agree, Rick.
"
6779,27,Toxic Rick,"While you were flapping your parasitic turd holster, I discovered the toxic equivalent of electricity, Morty. What do you think about that? 
"
6780,27,Toxic Morty,"Uh I th-I think my voice is annoying.
"
6781,27,Toxic Rick,"It is, and it’s your best quality.
"
6782,27,Toxic Morty,"(Sad) So true.
"
6783,27,Mr. Goldenfold,"Now, who can tell me the common denominator of these two factions? You don’t know or y’all just bored? 
"
6784,27,Morty,"Hey, listen, you know, wh-If we’re all bored over here, wouldn’t the common denominator be you? 
"
6785,27,Mr. Goldenfold,"Damn, Morty. That’s hilarious. Normally I would come down on any kind of disruption, but it seems to represent a positive change for your character. Class dismissed! 
"
6786,27,Off screen student,"Awesome, Morty!
"
6787,27,Student with glasses,"You done good, Morty. (High fives him.)
"
6788,27,Off screen student 2,"Oh yeah!
"
6789,27,Female student,"Thanks for the advice, Morty.
"
6790,27,Morty,"You got it.
"
6791,27,Female student 2,"I did it, Morty! 
"
6792,27,Morty,"I knew you could.
"
6793,27,Mitch,"Hey, Morty, remember yesterday when I couldn’t play the trombone? Well, check this out! (Plays a tune on his trombone.)
"
6794,27,Morty,"(Snapping his fingers) Just like I told you, Mitch. The music was in your heart the whole time.
"
6795,27,Female student looking into her mirror,"Stupid hat Wish I had the courage to just be myself.
"
6796,27,Female Student,"(Smiles) There you are.
"
6797,27,Bully,"You might have all these idiots fooled, but I know you’re still the same pathetic loser hiding behind a confident facade. I know that because I’m doing the same thing, brother. I’m not alone anymore! 
"
6798,27,Jessica,"Hey, Morty. Word around school is you’ve become super healthy.
"
6799,27,Morty,"I don’t know about all that. I do, however, know that I have a pretty bad case of haven’t taken you to dinner-itis. Might be fatal. Hahaha!
"
6800,27,Rick,(Walks up to Morty and Jessica)
6801,27,Morty,"Happy to help, Rick.
"
6802,27,Rick,"I hate to bug you with this, but after our morning hike I started receiving very faint, highly unusual transmissions on my sub ether phone. Listen.
"
6803,27,Morty,"It’s a bad phone. Chuck it. I downgraded to a clamshell for emergencies only. You know, if if if something’s worth saying, I-it’s worth eye contact.
"
6804,27,Rick,"Uh, I-I-I traced the source of the call back to the spa we went to, Morty. I thought I could hear a voice in there, so I enhanced it, a-and listen.
"
6805,27,Toxic Rick,"Hey, asshole! 
"
6806,27,Toxic Morty,"Oh, man! 
"
6807,27,Toxic Rick,"Remember us? 
"
6808,27,Toxic Morty,"Oh, I don’t like confrontation! 
"
6809,27,Toxic Rick,"You fucked us, you pieces of garbage! That’s right, you’re fucking garbage, not us. I’m a fucking genius and a god. You really think this thing can hold me? I’m gonna rip your throat... 
"
6810,27,Rick,"Morty, what if the toxic parts of us have their own identities, their own will to live? 
"
6811,27,Rick,"W-What if mine shares my intelligence and devised a way to reach out to us? 
"
6812,27,Morty,"Sounds like he’s in a lot of pain. Lot. O. Pain. But, you know, you shouldn’t have to deal with that, man. You know, l-let’s work off your trauma with some urban spin yoga. It’s amazing. You do yoga on a bike, but you have an at-risk preteen-
"
6813,27,Rick," I don’t think I can just blow this off, Morty. If I had known it worked this way, I wouldn’t have detoxed. Well, I would have because I was toxic. Now I’m detoxed and I’m accountable to my toxins, right? I-It’s a dilemma.
"
6814,27,Morty,"I think I know what to do. (Grabs Rick's phone and breaks it in half.)
"
6815,27,Rick,"Morty!
"
6816,27,Morty,"Rick! Haha. (Hops off the car.) You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain that misses eating all them big fat problems. Focus on the good thing. Trust me, things are good. Taking that away from me, heh. That wouldn’t be healthy.
"
6817,27,Morty,"Hahaha! Hahahaha! Oh, man. World’s Greatest Grandpa, for reals. (Walks away.) It’s not just a coffee cup for you, bud. You’re legit. (Catches a football that was kicked towards him, and chucks it back to an off screen person.)
"
6818,27,Morty,"I love drums. I never took drum lessons. Why? Limitations. We are addicted to our own limitations. How amazing is that? Is the kale prepared in the kitchen? I’ll have a water. 
"
6819,27,Jessica,"Uh How is the ""cru-dite?"" 
"
6820,27,Waiter,"Crudité. It’s a cup of carrot sticks.
"
6821,27,Morty,"Ha! It’s okay! Pronounce it however you want. Words are just things. Please. Thank you. We’re having a conversation.
"
6822,27,Morty,"God, I am so excited to finally have dinner with you. You know how long I’ve been waiting for this? It’s like, whew! I-I-I wish you’d shut up, though. Just kidding. You know, you’re so quiet. What’s wrong? W-Why don’t you tell me about yourself? What’s the atmosphere like on planet Jessica? Where’s the equator, what are the vacations, a-and the holidays? I mean, you know, haha, are they the same time? Talk to me.
"
6823,27,Jessica,"Well I... like this restaurant.
"
6824,27,Morty,"Holy shit! Holy shit! We have a moron over here! I’m an idiot. I can’t believe I haven’t thought of this. You have to do this detox thing I did. It’s an alien spa, you go through it, fwoos-s-s-ssh, lasers, bwaa-bwaa-bwaa, wheeew wheeew! Sucks everything out. Everything that was holding me back, everything bad, I mean, it just sluuuurp! Hahaha! Right? 
"
6825,27,Jessica,"(Awkwardly) Cooooool. (She grabs her phone and looks at it. It's out of battery.) Oh, my God! I can’t believe this.
"
6826,27,Morty,"Yeah, phones are awful, I downgraded to- (Goes to grab her phone but she interrupts him.) 
"
6827,27,Jessica,"I totally forgot my I have a thing, and... 
"
6828,27,Morty,"Things are good.
"
6829,27,Jessica,"You know what? Why am I doing that? That’s more rude than the truth. Look, I’m sorry, Morty. I just don’t think... 
"
6830,27,Morty,"Do not. Even. You have no need to explain. It’s all good. 
"
6831,27,Jessica,"I think you’d get bored with me. (Gets up out of her chair and leaves.)
"
6832,27,Morty,"E-Exactly. Look, the sparks aren’t flying. This is what dating is for, you know? First date, no sparks. No damage, no worries. Life is a highway. We’re gonna ride it all night lonnngg! 
"
6833,27,Morty," Gonna eat some ""crudite. Mmm! Is this organic? Mmm. (He looks around the restaurant.) All right. You know, the evening continues. (His attention is on this one girl who's sitting at the bar.) Okay, here we go.
"
6834,27,Morty,"Ma’am, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. Your money’s no good here. Haha! (To the Bar tender) I’ll I’ll get the next round, sir.
"
6835,27,Stacy,"Aren’t you a child? 
"
6836,27,Morty,"Only in the ways that matter. Morty.
"
6837,27,Stacy,"(Sigh.) Stacy.
"
6838,27,Morty,"I’ve been watching you drink, Stacy. I get the feeling you’ve got a hard job. I wonder what it takes to please you. That’s the job I want Part time, full time, I want to be good at it, bad at it, I want to get promoted, fired, corner office, hostile takeover, workplace accident I’m on my knees, Stacy. Praying, worshipping, begging, whatever you want. (Sniff) What do you think about that? 
"
6839,27,Stacy,"(Turns to look at Morty.) Okay. Fuck it.
"
6840,27,Morty,"Tink.
"
6841,27,Morty,"(Kisses Stacy) Mm! Let’s ask my grandpa. He’s a scientist.
"
6842,27,Morty,"Hey, Rick, are you familiar with ""Ben Wa"" technology? 
"
6843,27,Rick,"(Get's up.) Morty, great news. I went back to the spa and they let me purchase the containment unit from their detoxifier.
"
6844,27,Morty,"Why? 
"
6845,27,Toxic Rick,"(On the screen that's connected to the containment unit.) Because we’re coming home, bitch! 
"
6846,27,Morty,"What is this? 
"
6847,27,Toxic Rick,"This is the parts of your pussy grandpa that keep it real. Oh oh, and I think you dropped something, too! (He grabs Toxic Morty.)
"
6848,27,Toxic Morty,"I don’t want to be on camera. I’m ugly and gross, please.
"
6849,27,Stacey,"Should I go? 
"
6850,27,Morty,"You’re your own person, Stacy. 
"
6851,27,Stacy,"Then I’d like to stay.
"
6852,27,Morty,"Rick, please tell me you’re not trying to put that stuff back inside of us.
"
6853,27,Rick,"Morty, I’m sorry. That stuff is alive and it belongs with us. We yanked them from their homes and locked them in a can. (Knocks on the containment unit, knocking Toxic Rick over.)
"
6854,27,Toxic Rick,"Motherfucker! 
"
6855,27,Rick,"See? They’re living in pain.
"
6856,27,Morty,"That’s what they do, Rick, they live in pain. They are pain, you know? They they’re all the bad parts of us, which, by the way, includes our dishonesty, so how do you know this isn’t all some sort of crazy trick?
"
6857,27,Toxic Rick,"Oh, so now because I’m made entirely of toxins I’m also a liar? Fuck you, you little sociopath. (Grabs Toxic Morty again.)  You hear this, Morty? 
"
6858,27,Toxic Morty,"Oh, everybody hates me. I can tell. Y-You all hate me. 
"
6859,27,Toxic Rick,"(Puts him back down.) All right, shut up, Morty. Healthy Rick, are we doing this or what? 
"
6860,27,Rick,"Yep. Sorry, Morty. I need you to step into the booth. (Opens the door to the booth.)
"
6861,27,Morty,"(Shakes his head with his arms crossed.)
"
6862,27,Toxic Rick,"Don’t negotiate with that little turd, dummy. You’re the Rick. You need to show dominance. Morty, booth, now. (Toxic Rick grabs Toxic Morty and shoves him into the booth. He gets in too, and closes the door.)
"
6863,27,Rick,"Booth! Come on, Morty.
"
6864,27,Morty,"Don’t touch me! 
"
6865,27,Rick,"Morty, do the healthy thing and voluntarily retoxify yourself. (Rick grabs Morty as they both struggle.)
"
6866,27,Morty,"Nooooo! 
"
6867,27,Stacy,"Is it wrong if I think this is kind of hot? 
"
6868,27,Morty,"Let me out of here! Stacy, help! Open the door! 
"
6869,27,Stacy,"I need to hear our safe word, Morty.
"
6870,27,Morty,"Sea Cucumber! Sea Cucumber! 
"
6871,27,Rick,"What are you doing? 
"
6872,27,Stacy,"I’ll do anything for you, Morty.
"
6873,27,Rick,"No!
"
6874,27,Toxic Rick,"It worked! Haha! Yes! That idiot believed every word. Now let’s see how he enjoys living in that shit tank.
"
6875,27,Toxic Rick,"He’s right behind me, isn’t he? (Looks behind him.)
"
6876,27,Toxic Morty,"He’s in front of you.
"
6877,27,Toxic Rick,"Oh. (Rubs eyes.) My eyes are still adjusting.
"
6878,27,Stacy,"(Through the screen.) Uh, is this like a sex dungeon? I guess I should’ve been paying attention.
"
6879,27,Toxic Rick,"After 70 years of being bottled up inside a (Burp) sentimental jackass, I finally get to live my own life.
"
6880,27,Rick,"You said we were merging.
"
6881,27,Toxic Rick,"I lied, dumbass! I lie about everything! Why would I ever re-merge with a pussy like you? 
"
6882,27,Rick,"So you were just gonna trap us in that tank? T-That was your plan? 
"
6883,27,Toxic Rick,"Not was, motherfucker, still is.
"
6884,27,Morty,"(Points to Toxic Rick.) Kill him, Rick! 
"
6885,27,Toxic Morty,"(Hides behind the door to the booth.) I don’t like this! This is scary! 
"
6886,27,Rick,"(Gets up, ready to fight with his fists up.) All right, you asked for it.
"
6887,27,Toxic Rick,"Did I ask for this? (Kicks Rick in the crotch. Rick groans in pain, grabbing his crotch.) Did I ask for this? (Grabs Rick's shoulders and repeatedly knees him in the crotch.) Huh? Did I? 
"
6888,27,Groin System 6000,"Assessing threat to groin.
"
6889,27,Toxic Rick,"Groin System 6000. Kill him! 
"
6890,27,Groin System 6000,"(Faces Rick, then looks back.) That... is my groin’s user.
"
6891,27,Toxic Rick,"Believe me, I got a lot more use out of that thing than he ever did.
"
6892,27,Groin System 6000,"You know what? Not my table. (Turns back into a belt buckle.)
"
6893,27,Mrs. Pancakes,"You do know me.
"
6894,27,Summer,"(Gasp.)
"
6895,27,Summer,"What the hell, Grandpa Rick? 
"
6896,27,Toxic Rick,"Fuck you, Summer! 
"
6897,27,Rick,"Sorry, Summer! 
"
6898,27,Rick,"Okay, okay, take it easy. Don’t do it.
"
6899,27,Toxic Rick,"I love you. Good boy. Daddy’s little boy.
"
6900,27,Rick,"Summer, get out of here! Go! 
"
6901,27,Toxic Rick,"Oh, who’s that? 
"
6902,27,Toxic Rick,"(Burp) Who’s that over there? Oh, no.
"
6903,27,Toxic Rick,"You see the bad man in front of you? You’re a good little boy, you’re gonna get him. You’re gonna get him.
"
6904,27,Toxic Rick,"Ahh! Son of a... (He runs up to a bookshelf, pushing the books over to find a book that scans him and opens up to give him the same type of injection gun. He injects himself and shoots it at the monster, right before the injection he got took effect and a naked baby Rick bursts through his chest, killing him. It grows to Rick's normal age.) (The monster alien turns around and runs towards Rick, right before naked toxic Rick bursts through it, killing it.)
"
6905,27,Toxic Rick,"Nice try, asshole.
"
6906,27,Rick,"We can resolve (Huff) our issues. We don’t need to resort to over-the-top- Aah! 
"
6907,27,Toxic Morty,"I-I did it, Rick. I got the tank! I-I’m a piece of shit, but I got the tank! 
"
6908,27,Toxic Rick,"You’re going in that tank, motherfucker. You’re gonna (burp) live in that toxic shit wasteland like I had to do! 
"
6909,27,Toxic Morty,"Ahh! Ow! (Toxic Morty can't control the ship as it starts crashing all around the living room.) (Rick and Toxic Rick duck to avoid it. It eventually jams into a wall.)
"
6910,27,Toxic Rick,"That’s right, motherfucker! You’re going in that fucki- 
"
6911,27,Beth,"(Confused) Dads? 
"
6912,27,Rick,"Okay, just Just leave her out of it.
"
6913,27,Beth,"What’s going on? 
"
6914,27,Toxic Rick,"All right, fuck this. Time for plan B If I can’t trap you in a toxic world, (Climbs up to the ship, grabs Morty and throws him out.)
"
6915,27,Morty,"Ahh!
"
6916,27,Toxic Rick,"I’ll just make the whole world toxic. (Flips Rick off and crashes the spaceship through the roof, flying away.)
"
6917,27,Rick,"It’s okay, girls. I-I’m so sorry I put us in danger with some of my behavior. I-If you’d like I can go out in the g-garden, pick some fresh basil, and make us a nice Scallopini.
"
6918,27,Beth,"What did the booger version of you mean when he said he was going to make the whole world toxic? 
"
6919,27,Rick,"Believe me, sweetie, that man’s motivations are a mystery.
"
6920,27,Morty,"Screw that, Rick. We got to stop him. What’s the last thing you’d think about doing with that tank thing? 
"
6921,27,Rick,"(Walks up to Morty and bends down near him) Morty, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s not our place, you know, to pick and choose which world gets saved from what apocalypse. Our our toxins have as much a right to their worldview as-
"
6922,27,Rick,"Morty, how is it healthy to slap me? 
"
6923,27,Morty,"Obviously my version of health is a hell of a lot different from yours, you useless old turd.
"
6924,27,Rick,"Wait. That’s it. (Gets back up.)  How could that detox machine know the difference between healthy and sick for everything that goes through it? It can’t. It must be by the individual’s own definition of toxicity. That means... 
"
6925,27,Beth,"Dad! 
"
6926,27,Morty,"What the What the hell, Rick? 
"
6927,27,Rick,"(Grabs Morty and runs.) I’ll explain on the way.
"
6928,27,Toxic Rick,"This ""Moon Tower,"" Morty, (Burps) is the perfect height and metallic composition for the (burps) amplification and beaming of toxic energies. What do you think about that, Morty? Are you excited about that, Morty? 
"
6929,27,Toxic Morty,"Oh, man. I’m just freaked out. I-It’s too high up here.
"
6930,27,Toxic Rick,"Once I flip this switch, the entire world is gonna be just as toxic as us, baby. (He pulls the lever.)
"
6931,27,Priest,"As we praise our loving Father- 
"
6932,27,Priest,"(Rips off his shirt.) God is a lie! We made him up for money! 
"
6933,27,Man,"(Takes off the mouse head.) Santa Claus isn’t real. (Kicks a boy into the pool right before the kids start stabbing the guy with forks and knifes, as he bleeds everywhere.) You were all mistakes! 
"
6934,27,Toxic Rick,"Hahahahahaha! We fucking did it, Morty. Put your fucking hands in the air.  (Grabs Toxic Morty's arm and lifts it.) Yeah, you little piece of shit.
"
6935,27,Rick,"Remember me? 
"
6936,27,Toxic Rick,"Didn’t you learn last time that you can’t beat me? 
"
6937,27,Rick,"Yeah, I did. And then I learned something else. (Pulls a gun out of his lab coat.) This.
"
6938,27,Toxic Morty,"Ahh!! 
"
6939,27,Rick,"That bullet is laced with an encrypted nanobotic virus that will disintegrate your Morty in about, ah, 20 minutes.
"
6940,27,Toxic Rick,"You think I give a shit? 
"
6941,27,Rick,"I know you give a shit, dummy. Because I know I don’t. Here’s another thing I know. The decryption key that neutralizes the virus. (He pulls put an injection with a tube to the other injection part.) You want it? Come and get it. Merge with me and you’ll know how to save him.
"
6942,27,Toxic Rick,"Pfft. Come on, man. I’ve been trapped in your pussy brain for 70 years of delusions, but this is the all-time weakest bluff that I’ve ever-
"
6943,27,Toxic Morty,"Ow-Ohh!! 
"
6944,27,Toxic Rick,"(Dodges the bullet.) Jesus Christ! What are you doing?! 
"
6945,27,Morty,"He’s cutting your time in half. 10 minutes.
"
6946,27,Toxic Morty,"Ohh! It hurts! 
"
6947,27,Toxic Rick,"What is your problem? 
"
6948,27,Rick,"Oh, I had all my problems removed my entitlement, my narcissism, my crippling loneliness, my irrational attachments.
"
6949,27,Rick,"They must be somewhere. They ain’t over here, bro.
"
6950,27,Toxic Rick,"I’m not going back in there! 
"
6951,27,Rick,"Honestly, I don’t care either way. I hate having you in me. And when I say ""honestly"" you can believe it, because we both know I’m too healthy to lie. Watch.
"
6952,27,Toxic Rick,"All right! Knock it off! You’re not impressing anyone. (He kneels down and holds Toxic Morty.) Morty, not that I give a shit, but are you okay? 
"
6953,27,Toxic Morty,"Jesus Christ, it hurts.
"
6954,27,Toxic Rick,"Relax, quit your bitching. Y-You’re gonna be fine. Grandpa’s here.
"
6955,27,Rick,"Hahahahahaha.
"
6956,27,Toxic Rick,"You think that’s funny? 
"
6957,27,Rick,"Y-You got to have a sense of humor about these things. Oh, wait, you can’t. You’re literally incapable of seeing the bigger picture. I guess it’s just funny because you’ve never done anything but complain about me being in charge, but if I ever gave you the wheel we’d be dead in five minutes.
"
6958,27,Toxic Morty,"Ah, Rick?
"
6959,27,Rick,"You poor, dumb, sick animal.
"
6960,27,Toxic Morty,"Augh... Rick?
"
6961,27,Toxic Rick,"Ahh! (Gets up and walks towards Rick.) Just do it! Just do it, you piece of-
"
6962,27,Rick,"Aaahhh! I’m back, baby! (Dances around.) Regular Rick! Master of both worlds! Check it it out! (Farts in Morty's face.) Excuse me. (Walks up to the lever.) Now we’ll just reverse this hacky toxicity beam. Man, I really over think shit when I’m angry.
"
6963,27,Priest,"God is not a lie.
"
6964,27,Crying boy,"Mommy! Mommy!
"
6965,27,Rick,"(Looking around with binoculars.) Ha! All right, Morty, now it’s time we re-merge your little ass.
"
6966,27,Morty,"You’re a better man than me, Rick. I’m healthy enough to admit that! 
"
6967,27,Rick,"That kid is a real piece of shit.
"
6968,27,Toxic Morty,"(Moaning in pain.) Y-Y-You’re gonna save me, right? 
"
6969,27,Rick,"(Picks up Toxic Morty.) Part of me wanted to, Toxic Morty. Part of me really wanted to. (He sticks the injection into Toxic Morty.)
"
6970,27,Worker,"(On the phone.) I’m telling you, these shares are hot.
"
6971,27,Morty,"(Also on the phone.) Duane, Duane, Duane, I get it, now can you get me? Have I ever lied to you? (Grabs an apple on his desk.) That’s right, and ask around, I never do, Duane.
"
6972,27,Morty,"Let me put this real simple. This stock is a beautiful redhead, recently single, not looking to date but ready to fall in love, and fate has put her locker two down from yours, Duane Two lockers down. (Winks at two female workers. They both giggle.) So step up or step off, Duane. Blue pill or red pill, what’ll be, bro? Totally understand, Duane. You’re the boss. (Stops the call.) Heinholz Biotech Million and a half at thirty-three. (Bites the apple as everyone cheers and throws their papers.)
"
6973,27,Worker in a red shirt,"(Catches the apple.) Heh.You little fucking monster.
"
6974,27,Morty,"Mmm! Is this organic? Mmm! (Morty's phone rings, and he answers, as he walks up to his window at the view.) Go for Morty.
"
6975,27,Jessica on the phone,"Hi, Morty. It’s Jessica. Look, can we just talk for a minute? 
"
6976,27,Morty,"Is that how long it takes for Rick to trace my location? 
"
6977,27,Jessica,"Come back, Morty. I miss you.
"
6978,27,Morty,"You miss the old me. You miss someone that loved you so much you never had to love ‘em back.
"
6979,27,Jessica,"How do you know I don’t want to love you? 
"
6980,27,Morty,"Because I’m not sick. (Presses a button.)
"
6981,27,Jacquelyn,"(Sits at the bench.) Ex-girlfriend? Should I be jealous? 
"
6982,27,Morty,"(Puts his phone on the bench.) There’s nothing to be jealous of.
"
6983,27,Jacquelyn,"(Sigh) I just realized that I’m scheduled to speak at that fundraiser on our date night. I can cancel.
"
6984,27,Morty,"We’ll be together. That’s a date.
"
6985,27,Jacquelyn,"You are the perfect man. (Notices Morty's phone.) Oh, sweetie, (Picks it up to show Morty.) I think you hit the wrong button. You didn’t hang up.
"
6986,27,Morty,"Huh. How ‘bout that? 
"
6987,27,Rick,"Sorry, tiny American Psycho, (Holds up the injection.) time to take the opposite of your medicine.
"
6988,27,Morty,"Do what you got to do.
"
6989,27,Morty,"Oh! Ow! Ahh! (Eventually, Morty gets up.)
"
6990,27,Jessica,"So, how do you feel, Morty? 
"
6991,27,Morty,"Ah, geez. I’m miserable.
"
6992,27,Rick,"Am I good or what? 
"
6993,27,Morty,"I guess it’s worth it, though, to know how much you care.
"
6994,27,Jessica,"Care? Me? Morty, I’m fine with you. I only did this for him. (Points at Rick.)
"
6995,27,Rick,"You lying bitch. She kept coming to our house, Morty, and kept asking me. ""Did did d-did you get a new Morty yet?"" 
"
6996,27,Jessica,"Because you kept drunk dialing me and crying about it.
"
6997,27,Rick,"I wasn’t crying! 
"
6998,27,Morty,"Jacquelyn, I I-I-I wasn’t who I said I was.
"
6999,27,Jacquelyn,"You weren’t a 14-year-old boy from the Midwest who ran away from his family and capitalized on his lack of conscience by becoming a stock broker? 
"
7000,27,Morty,"Oh. I guess I was pretty up front about that, wasn’t I? 
"
7001,27,Jacquelyn,"You were up front about everything. You were my soul mate.
"
7002,27,Morty,"Well No-Not anymore. I’ll, um Y-You can keep the apartment, and and and, uh the drones.
"
7003,27,Rick,"She can’t keep the drones. They turn into a little Voltron robot. They’re awesome.
"
7004,27,Rick,"You can’t keep the drones.
"
7005,27,Tricia,"So, how was your date with Brad? 
"
7006,27,Jessica,"It wasn’t a date. We were just having lunch.
"
7007,27,Holly,"You guys are getting back together, aren’t you? 
"
7008,27,Morty,"(Looks down, sad.)
"
7009,27,Rick,"(Comes out of nowhere.) Morty, I need your help on an adventure. Eh, ""need"" is a strong word. We need door stops, but a brick would work, too.
"
7010,27,Morty,"Okay.
"
7011,27,Jessica,"Morty.
"
7012,27,Morty,"(Morty stops and looks at Jessica and smiles.)
"
7013,27,Jessica,"Good to have you back.
"
7014,27,Tricia,"Have you ever been peed on before? Oh, my God. Yum.
"
7015,27,Credits song,"Hey, did you ever want to hold a terrifold? I got one right here Grab my terri-flap Squeeze it Grab it, squeeze it Tug on my terri-flap Hey, I want to take you to The terrifold dance Wanna come with me? You can grab my holdie-folds Squeeze ‘em tight You son of a bitch. Suck my holdie-flappy folds Lick my flappy foldie-holes My terri-flaps in your mouth Suck my flaps, you piece of shit. Whoo!
"
7016,27,Man,"Although only a handful of moon towers remain today, they were popular in the late 19th century. An entire town could be illuminated by... (He sees the containment unit.)  What the hell is this? (Out of curiosity, he presses a button, releasing toxin gas, and slimey Stacy. The man backs away, and accidentally falls off the tower, screaming all the way down.)
"
7017,27,Stacey,"Sea Cucumber! Sea Cucumber!!
"
7018,28,Rick:," Alright, Morty. You ready for our adventure to the lost city of Atlantis?
"
7019,28,Morty:," *gives a thumbs-up* Ready as I’ll ever be, Rick!
"
7020,28,Rick:," Oh, for fuck’s sake.
"
7021,28,Rick K-22:," *holding clipboard* Hello, I’m Rick K-22. This is my Morty. (Morty K-22 waves.) We’re going from reality to reality, asking Ricks to contribute to the "
7022,28,Rick:," What are you, stupid? We’re done with the Citadel of Ricks. I was *burp* never on board with it in the first place, that’s why I murdered everyone in charge and left it to rot.
"
7023,28,Rick K-22:," *examines clipboard* Ohhh. That was you. *passes clipboard to his Morty*
"
7024,28,Morty:," They tried to murder him first.
"
7025,28,Morty K-22:," Oh geez. Well, you’ll be happy to know that... the "
7026,28,Morty:," Yeah, he knows. He murdered them.
"
7027,28,Rick K-22:," You wanna rein in your Morty?
"
7028,28,Rick:," *glaring* Every day.
"
7029,28,Morty K-22:," *reading from script* The Citadel of Ricks redevelopment fund donates--
"
7030,28,Rick K-22:," *interrupts* Morty, he’s not gonna *belch* donate. You’re pitching the policeman’s ball to a black teenager here. *pulls out his portal gun and shoots a new portal* Let’s go.
"
7031,28,Rick:," You don’t have to be a dick.
"
7032,28,Rick K-22:," I think you know that’s not true.
"
7033,28,Morty:," Geez. I didn’t know there were still Ricks and Mortys living on the Citadel. I wonder what their day-to-day lives are like.
"
7034,28,Rick:," *straps harpoon gun to his back* Well, you can keep wondering that while we go on our fun, fresh, self-contained adventure to Atlantis. *shoots a portal* Anyone continuing to explore the Citadel is either stupid, or one of the unfortunate millions held hostage by their terrible ideas.
"
7035,28,Morty:," Man. Glad I’m not one of them!
"
7036,28,Rick (voiceover):," Citadel Morning News: News about the Citadel in the morning. Pretty self explanatory.
"
7037,28,Rick D716-B:," Good morning. I’m Rick D716-B.
"
7038,28,Rick D716:," And I’m Rick D716.
"
7039,28,Rick D716-B:," Must be nice.
"
7040,28,Rick D716:," Coming up! Gravity outages in East Sanchez Heights!
"
7041,28,Rick D716-B:," And, is your uranium-powered cellular matrix making you sick? The answer may not surprise you. It’s ‘yes, it’s uranium.’
"
7042,28,Rick D716:," Those stories and more after this break.
"
7043,28,Narrator:," Sixteen iterations off the central finite curve, there’s a Rick that works more with wood than polarity plating.
"
7044,28,Narrator:," His name is Simple Rick, but he’s no dummy.
"
7045,28,Narrator:," He realized long ago that the greatest thing he’d ever create was his daughter.
"
7046,28,Young Beth:," I love Daddy!
"
7047,28,Narrator:," We captured that moment and run it on a loop through Simple Rick’s mind.
"
7048,28,Narrator:, And the chemical that makes his brain secrete goes into every 
7049,28,Rick D716:," Just one day remains before our newly democratic Citadel elects its first president. It’s anyone’s race among the Rick candidates.
"
7050,28,Rick D716-B:," But a certain other candidate should be getting at least one vote for most adorable.
"
7051,28,Rick D716 (voiceover):," That’s right, the Morty Party candidate’s still in the race, and you just gotta love him for that.
"
7052,28,Rick D716 (voiceover):," Here you see him in his little Morty suit, waving. Isn’t that adorable? Little jackass.
"
7053,28,Rick D716-B (voiceover):," Uh, yeah, I think we actually have the audio for his speech here. “Aw geez, aw man, I’m gonna lose the election and stuff.”
"
7054,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," We had a good run, sir, but I think it’s time to pull out of the race.
"
7055,28,Candidate Morty:," I feel pretty confident about tonight’s debate.
"
7056,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," You shouldn’t, sir. You should be terrified.
"
7057,28,Candidate Morty:," Maybe you should find a little faith, young man.
"
7058,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," You don’t pay me to have faith! And we’re the same age!
"
7059,28,Cop Rick:," Oh! S-sorry, I was expecting--
"
7060,28,Cop Morty:," A Rick partner? Lesson one, rookie: expect the unexpected. Now get in.
"
7061,28,Morty:," Mortys are human!
"
7062,28,Cop Morty:," Get the fuck off the car, you Rickless fuckin’ animal! (He pulls a lever and the car sends a taser shock through Morty, who falls aside.)
"
7063,28,Morty:, 
7064,28,Cop Morty:," The election’s got these yellow shirts more riled up than a Picture Day Jessica.
"
7065,28,Cop Rick:," That’s pretty harsh, sir.
"
7066,28,Cop Morty:," So report me. Nobody gives a fuck.
"
7067,28,Cop Rick:," Look, I’m just saying. Makes me a little sad to hear a Morty cop calling Mortys “animals”.
"
7068,28,Cop Morty:," Well, it makes me sad to see another Rick cop buying into his sensitivity training.
"
7069,28,Cop Rick:," Well, I’m glad to know there’s more like me.
"
7070,28,Cop Morty:," Oh, there was one. Why do you think that seat was empty?
"
7071,28,Dispatch:," Robbery at Fifth and *BURP* Avenue.
"
7072,28,Cop Rick:, Fifth and *BURP*? That’s 
7073,28,Cop Morty:," (to dispatch) Unit 7 responding.
"
7074,28,Teacher Rick:," (spoken inside) ""Good idea, Rick.""
"
7075,28,Students:," (all together) Good idea, Rick.
"
7076,28,Teacher Rick:," ""This is a great adventure.""
"
7077,28,Students:," This is a great adventure.
"
7078,28,Teacher Rick:," ""I love being your new Morty.""
"
7079,28,Students:," I love being your new Mor...
"
7080,28,Slick, (substituting for the word Morty) 
7081,28,Teacher Rick:," Very amusing, Mr. Smith. Almost as amusing as when your first Rick was decapitated on Zorpathion 9. (Slick’s smug face becomes downcast.) Or was that your third Rick? How many Ricks have you had?
"
7082,28,Slick:," Five…
"
7083,28,Teacher Rick:, I see. So you 
7084,28,Tall Morty:," Di-Did I gragitate this time yet?
"
7085,28,Teacher Rick:," Anything’s possible, Tall Morty. Ugh…
"
7086,28,Lizard Morty:," Guess we won’t be seein’ each other after this, huh?
"
7087,28,Slick:, I say we make our last day count. I say… we go to the 
7088,28,Glasses Morty:," That’s a myth.
"
7089,28,Fat Morty:," It’s not a myth! M-m-my first Rick’s fourth Morty knew a Rick whose Morty went there.
"
7090,28,Lizard Morty:," If we’re not here for graduation, our butts are gonna end up in Mortytown.
"
7091,28,Slick:," I thought your last Rick fused you with a lizard, not a chicken.
"
7092,28,Lizard Morty:," Okay, fine. I’m in.
"
7093,28,Glasses Morty:," Me too.
"
7094,28,Fat Morty:," What the hell?
"
7095,28,Lizard Morty:," *retracts tongue* I-I thought I saw a fly.
"
7096,28,Supervisor Rick:," *whistles* Listen up, fucknuts! I’ve been your supervisor for five years but all shitty things must come to an end, and I have been promoted to regional manager. (Factory Ricks cheer unenthusiastically.) Yeah, I feel the same way. May we never meet again. Of course that makes the position of Supervisor available. (Rick J-22 looks hopeful.) So as of next week, the ass you’ll be kissing will be that of… (Rick J-22 smiles) K-83, (He frowns again) affectionately known as “"
7097,28,Cool Rick:," I know I’m new to the Citadel and some of you might not think I’ve put in my time, but what can I say? I’m Cool Rick! *finger guns* Yo, ha-ha-ha, check me out!
"
7098,28,Supervisor Rick:," Alright, knuckle-*burp*-heads, any questions? (Rick J-22 raises his hand.) Alright then, back to work, you gold-Rickers.
"
7099,28,Cop Morty:," No Ricks, no families, high off their asses and runnin’ amok. Mortys are raised to be sidekicks. Without a side to kick, they just start kickin’.
"
7100,28,Morty Mart Morty:," They were, they were about my height, around fourteen years old… OH! Their shirts were yellow!
"
7101,28,Cop Morty:," *sarcastically* Yeah, make sure you get that down.
"
7102,28,Cop Rick:," Any mutations? Augmentations? Three eyes, a tail, maybe a buzzcut?
"
7103,28,Morty Mart Morty:," No, just four normal Mortys.
"
7104,28,Purple Trunk Morty:," *feels annoyed* """
7105,28,Morty Mart Morty:," *talks back to Purple Morty* Put it in your blog.
"
7106,28,Cop Morty:," *looking at two Mortys in a nearby alley* Lemme turn over a few rocks.
"
7107,28,Cop Morty:," Aw geez, hey, what’s goin’ on, fellas?
"
7108,28,Morty 1:," Aw geez, man, nothin’ man, we’re just hangin’ out and stuff.
"
7109,28,Cop Morty:," I hear that, ah geez, I guess I’m supposed to be figuring out who robbed the store across the street but aw geez I dunno.
"
7110,28,Morty 2:," *smirking* Ah geez man, that sucks that your Rick’s makin’ you do that.
"
7111,28,Cop Morty:," *angered* He’s not my Rick. He’s my partner. Aw, geez.
"
7112,28,Morty 1:," Well, maybe the uniform makes a big difference. Who am I to say? To me, you just look like a sidekick.
"
7113,28,Cop Morty:," CALL ME A SIDEKICK ONE MORE TIME! CALL ME A SIDEKICK!!
"
7114,28,Morty 2:," Hey man! C’mon, aw geez!
"
7115,28,Cop Morty:," WANNA SEE HOW I PAINT A WALL?!
"
7116,28,Morty 2:, It was the 
7117,28,Cop Rick:," Do you realize how many codes you just violated?
"
7118,28,Cop Morty:," Aw geez, Rick. What do I know about knowin’ stuff? Get in the fucking car.
"
7119,28,Retired General Rick:," More lasers.
"
7120,28,Moderator Rick:," You can take more time to answer the question if you’d like. 
"
7121,28,Moderator Rick: ,"...Okay, Juggling Rick. How would you solve the Citadel’s financial crisis?
"
7122,28,Juggling Rick:," First off, can I just say that I think this Citadel is the greatest in the entire multiverse. Now, I believe the answer to your question has three parts. (He reveals he’s holding three balls.) First, education spending must get "
7123,28,Juggling Rick:," But it has to be balanced with defense! *starts juggling all three balls* Whoa!
"
7124,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," Can we fact-check this, please? Never mind, who am I kidding? This race is over.
"
7125,28,Juggling Rick:," *now juggling three balls and a chainsaw, he catches them all gracefully* And that’s how you run a Citadel. *bows*
"
7126,28,Moderator Rick:," Candidate Morty. The number of displaced Mortys is soaring, while Rick satisfaction levels are plummeting, and the divide between the two groups has never been wider. *smirks* Solve that one real quick.
"
7127,28,Candidate Morty:," I don’t see a divide between Ricks and Mortys.
"
7128,28,Retired General Rick:," Oh, shocker. *farts*
"
7129,28,Reverse Rick Outrage:," I’d like to offer a rebuttal. *farts*
"
7130,28,Rick Guilt Rick:," Gentlemen, gentlemen! I think we can all agree on one thing. *farts twice* Well, came out as two things, but you get the idea.
"
7131,28,Candidate Morty:," You guys finished? (Continues his speech.) The division I see is between the Ricks and Mortys that like the Citadel divided, and the rest of us. I see it everywhere I go.
"
7132,28,Candidate Morty:," I see it in our schools, where they teach Mortys we’re all the same because they’re threatened by what makes us unique.
"
7133,28,Candidate Morty:," I see it in our streets, where they give guns to Mortys so we’re too busy fighting each other to fight real injustice.
"
7134,28,Candidate Morty:," I see it in our factories, where Ricks work for a fraction of their boss’s salary, even though they’re identical and have the same IQ. The Citadel’s problem isn’t homeless Mortys or outraged Ricks. 
"
7135,28,Candidate Morty:," The Citadel’s problem is the Ricks and Mortys feeding on the Citadel’s debt. 
"
7136,28,Rick J-22:," Holy shit. (As the alarm rings, he runs out of the office and enters the Flavor Core chamber.)
"
7137,28,Rick Worker:," He's headed for the Flavor Core!
"
7138,28,Candidate Morty:," But I’ve got a message for them, from the Ricks and Mortys keeping it alive. A message… from the Ricks and Mortys that believe in this Citadel to the Ricks and Mortys that don’t: you are outnumbered!
"
7139,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," Holy shit. (Candidate Morty walks backstage.) I don’t believe it! I-I can’t believe it!
"
7140,28,Candidate Morty:," I know. *puts a hand on his shoulder* That’s why you’re fired. *walks away*
"
7141,28,Juggling Rick:," Sounds like you’re looking for work. I can offer you a very enticing compensation package. *sets down bag and unzips it, pulling out three juggling clubs* First, let’s talk benefits.
"
7142,28,Simple Rick:," *mumbling to self* Daddy loves you… That’s Daddy’s good girl.
"
7143,28,Rick J-22:," *to Simple Rick* Your life is a lie, man. *to police* All your lives are lies! Don’t you get it?! They told us we were special because we were Ricks, but they stripped us of anything that made us unique!
"
7144,28,Negotiator Rick:," *through megaphone* We know how you feel. We’re working stiff Ricks just like you, but our assembly line is justice. What are your demands?
"
7145,28,Rick J-22:," *burp* I-I-I want a portal gun. Unregistered, untraceable, with enough fluid to take me off this goddamn prison!
"
7146,28,SWAT Team Rick:," The media’s outside.
"
7147,28,Negotiator Rick:," Well, keep ‘em there!
"
7148,28,Rick D716-C:," Anyway, so yeah, the suspect says the Citadel is a lie, built on lies, and some other shit. (Now sharing the screen with Rick D716 and Rick D716-B.) I say, appreciate the life you have, because it can always be worse. Back to you, Ricks.
"
7149,28,Rick D716:," Thank you, Rick 716-C. *mumbling to D716-B* That fuckin’ guy.
"
7150,28,Rick D716-B:," Tell me about it.
"
7151,28,Rick D716:," Ahem. Meanwhile, in election news, an unexpected turn of events as Morty from the Morty Party soars to the top of the polls.
"
7152,28,Candidate Morty:," Yes?
"
7153,28,Reporter Rick:," Morty! What’s your original reality and where’s your Rick?
"
7154,28,Candidate Morty:," Gosh. We moved around so much it’s hard to remember. I see every Rick as my Rick.
"
7155,28,Candidate Morty:," I hope they see me as their Morty.
"
7156,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," *holding glass* Another, please, with less water.
"
7157,28,Bartender Morty:," *fixing a new drink* Hey, cheer up, pal! A Morty’s gonna be president. *gestures to TV* Imagine this kisser gettin’ blamed for everything!
"
7158,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," I guess I shoulda had more faith.
"
7159,28,Investigator Rick:," It’s not faith you need. It’s fear.
"
7160,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," What’s this?
"
7161,28,Investigator Rick:," *drains his glass* It’s secrets. Wh-wh-what do you think it is? *Gets up and walks away* Look at how I’m dressed.
"
7162,28,Rick Reporter (on TV):," Taking on the system like this, are you afraid at all for your safety?
"
7163,28,Candidate Morty (on TV):," I’d rather live in hope than fear. (Campaign Manager Morty looks shocked at the documents, then looks up at the TV.) If I had to fear anything, I’d fear other people being afraid. Of fear. Itself.
"
7164,28,Candidate Morty (on TV):," But no, I’m not afraid.
"
7165,28,Mortytown Loco:," Hey Rick, man, when there’s a Morty president, you gonna lick my balls or what?
"
7166,28,Bootleg Rick:," Shit, grandson, you keep me peelin’ squap-squams and slippin’ nib-nibs I’ll lick whatever ain’t nailed down.
"
7167,28,Cop Rick:," Hands in the air!
"
7168,28,Mortytown Loco:," What the hell, man? What the hell in hell?
"
7169,28,Cop Morty:," You guys doin’ a little chemistry homework with Grandpa?
"
7170,28,Cop Rick:," Is this what I think it is?
"
7171,28,Cop Morty:," Bootleg portal fluid.
"
7172,28,Cop Morty:," Guess his math was off. Search the place.
"
7173,28,Psychopath Morty:," A-Are you… m-my new… Rick?
"
7174,28,Cop Rick:," It’s okay, Morty.
"
7175,28,Cop Morty:," Jesus!
"
7176,28,Cop Rick:," He stabbed me! He got me bad, Morty.
"
7177,28,Cop Morty:," *approaches Rick and kneels down beside him* Shh, it’s okay, you’re okay.
"
7178,28,Cop Rick:," You were right… *cough* Everything I learned in the academy was--
"
7179,28,Cop Morty:," It doesn’t matter. *helps Rick to his feet* Nothing’s wrong with putting your faith in a Morty. You just gotta pick the right one.
"
7180,28,Cop Rick:," Why is there a crib in here?
"
7181,28,Cop Morty:," Just somethin’ they do to make you feel bad.
"
7182,28,Cop Rick:," Boy, I got us knee-deep in paperwork, huh?
"
7183,28,Cop Morty:," Go to the car and grab a MediPack. Lemme worry about this.
"
7184,28,Cop Rick:," What happened?
"
7185,28,Cop Morty:," Same old story. Mortys killing Mortys.
"
7186,28,Lizard Morty: ,"Almost... got it... 
"
7187,28,Farmer Rick: ,"Hey, y'all get the hell away from my damn Megafruit! 
"
7188,28,Farmer Rick:," Sic 'em, boy! *his robot dog gives chase; the four Mortys tumble down into a river* I don't wear this dangnap hat and commit to this rural character so you can eat for free while you come of age!
"
7189,28,Fat Morty:," I bet the Wishing Portal leads to a reality where there... where all... where it's a bunch of French toast with boobies.
"
7190,28,Lizard Morty:," I bet it leads to a place where a bunch of fri-- flies everywhere! *Slick feels peevish*
"
7191,28,Slick:," Yeah, I bet it goes nowhere. I bet it's a big hole where the Citadel dumps all its broken dreams.
"
7192,28,Fat Morty:," Slick, why do ya have to be so dramatic? 
"
7193,28,Slick:," *stands up* You wanna know why? *lifts his shirt to reveal a large barcode on his abdomen* Because of this! I'm part of an experimental line of Mortys with a trauma implant. How do you think it feels, Fat Morty, to know that no matter where I go, *Glasses Morty comes over to Slick as he sits back down feeling depressed* I'll always be the one that makes everybody sad and... a little bored? *Glasses Morty consoles Slick*
"
7194,28,Glasses Morty:," Slick, that implant isn't who you are, okay? You also roll up your sleeves. *they hug each other*
"
7195,28,Fat Morty:," I thought I was Left-Handed Morty.
"
7196,28,Lizard Morty:," Then you should use your left hand to eat more vegetables.
"
7197,28,Candidate Morty:," Hey there. How you doing? Great to meet you. *greets a Plumber Rick*
"
7198,28,Plumber Rick:," I'm a plumber, sir! I-I'm a Rick and I'm a plumber!
"
7199,28,Candidate Morty: ,"That doesn't sound like Rick work. You didn't come to the Citadel to be a plumber, did you?
"
7200,28,Plumber Rick: ,"*laughs joyfully* I sure didn't, sir! *a blueshirt Rick carrying a Rick baby comes next to Plumber Rick*
"
7201,28,Father Rick:," Mr. Morty, Mr. Morty! *gives his baby Rick to him* I cloned myself so you can kiss me as a baby!
"
7202,28,Candidate Morty: ,"This is just like a Morty baby!
"
7203,28,Candidate Morty:," Hey! *they shake hands* Did you end up getting a new job?
"
7204,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," Yeah, I did. Assassinating you!
"
7205,28,Candidate Morty:," I'm okay... I'm okay... I'm... *falls unconscious* Ohh...
"
7206,28,Builder Hat Morty:," You look like you could use a good time! One dance for 10, two for 25!
"
7207,28,Cop Rick:," No thank you, and bad math. *see Bearded Morty enjoying Jeans Shorts Morty dancing*
"
7208,28,Bearded Morty,": Ha-ha, yeah! This is a good time!
"
7209,28,Cop Rick:," What is the place?
"
7210,28,Cop Morty:," ""The Creepy Morty"". What is it your kind's always saying? ""Don't think about it."" Come on. There's someone important I want you to meet.
"
7211,28,Big Morty," Ah, Bubblah! How'd it go with the Mortytown Locos?
"
7212,28,Cop Morty:," They had a little accident. They won't be causing any trouble anymore.
"
7213,28,Big Morty:," Those were bad Mortys. Very bad Mortys. *snaps his finger, Morty Bouncer 2 gives an envelope to Cop Morty*
"
7214,28,Cop Morty:," Big Morty likes to contribute to keeping the peace in Mortytown. *takes out a wad of dollar bills* Think of him as a drug lord, and us his cops on his payroll. *throws bills to Cop Rick* 
"
7215,28,Cop Rick:," Morty...
"
7216,28,Morty Bouncers/Cop Morty:," *all said at once* Which Morty?
"
7217,28,Cop Rick:," M-m-my partner. Morty, you're right. Mortytown is bad, but that doesn't mean that "
7218,28,Big Morty:," Hey, what's goin' on here, Morty?
"
7219,28,Morty Bouncers,": *both said at once* Which Morty?
"
7220,28,Big Morty:," The cop, morons.
"
7221,28,Cop Morty:," *nervously* Don't worry about Rick, Big Morty. He's new. He doesn't understand how it "
7222,28,Big Morty:, That's what you said about your 
7223,28,Cop Morty:," Wh-why would you say something like that, Big Morty? You're fucking things up for both of us here!
"
7224,28,Big Morty:, Wrong. 
7225,28,Cop Rick:," Big Morty, you're under arrest. *both Morty Bouncers take out their laser pistols*
"
7226,28,Cop Morty:," S-smartest man in the universe.
"
7227,28,Cowboy Morty:," *drops his cowboy pistols* They're just props! Th-they're just props!
"
7228,28,Cop Morty:," Not so big now, are ya?
"
7229,28,Big Morty:," I never was! It was figurative! *Cop Rick aims at Cop Morty*
"
7230,28,Cop Rick:," That's enough!
"
7231,28,Cop Morty:," If we don't kill him, he'll talk!
"
7232,28,Cop Rick:," If you do, "
7233,28,Cowboy Morty:," One thing's for sure: y-y'all don't have to worry about Cowboy Morty talkin'! This little cowpoke's gonna mosey up on outta here! *walks away, Cop Rick turns to Cop Morty*
"
7234,28,Cop Rick:," You told me to put my faith in the right Morty. I got faith in you, partner. Do the right thing. *Cop Morty pauses for a beat, starts crying tears down his face*
"
7235,28,Cop Morty:," Oh, Grandpa Rick! I don't wanna be on the Citadel anymore! I want to be a regular kid! I want to go to school and throw balls around and masturbate!
"
7236,28,Cop Rick 2:," The hell happened in there?
"
7237,28,Cop Rick:," Same old story. Ricks killing Mortys.
"
7238,28,Negotiator Rick:," Okay, man, okay! We got your portal gun.
"
7239,28,Negotiator Rick:," The hell's he doing? *Rick J-22 first removes the pink tube connecting behind the headgear and throws the headgear off of Simple Rick; he wakes up immediately*
"
7240,28,Simple Rick:," Wh-where am I? 
"
7241,28,Rick J-22:," A bad place, but you're going to a better one soon.
"
7242,28,SWAT Team Rick 1:," *bangs other side of window* Hey! Hey! *Rick J-22 fires a portal next to Simple Rick*
"
7243,28,Negotiator Rick:," No, no, no, no--!! *Rick J-22 pushes Simple Rick into the portal and is instantly blended with a geyser of blood* Goddammit!!
"
7244,28,Rick J-22:, A portal to the 
7245,28,Negotiator Rick:," Then you should know you just killed your only leverage!
"
7246,28,Rick J-22:," Then come and get me, motherfuckers!! 
"
7247,28,Purple Suit Rick:," Stop! *he wears a purple suit with green under shirt and green tie, purple top hat, and carries a gold cane* I'm "
7248,28,SWAT Team Rick 2:," He's a terrorist!
"
7249,28,Rick D. Sanchez III:," What Rick isn't? *walks into the chamber to greet Rick J-22* The Citadel was founded by Ricks for Ricks to be free. *taps Rick J-22's head with his cane* What's your name, young man?
"
7250,28,Rick J-22:," Rick. And I'm--
"
7251,28,Rick D. Sanchez III:," Same age as me, I know. How long have worked here?
"
7252,28,Rick J-22:," Fifteen years.
"
7253,28,Rick D. Sanchez III:," What the hell have we become? *turns to the SWAT Team Ricks* Whatever time you were going to make him serve, he served it. It ends now! *walks up to Rick J-22* Come with me, friend.
"
7254,28,Rick J-22:," Where are we going?
"
7255,28,Rick D. Sanchez III:," To your new life, which starts with walking the fuck out of here. 
"
7256,28,Rick Worker:," Yo, J-22! Give 'em hell! 
"
7257,28,Narrator:," There's a Rick who held a factory hostage after murdering his boss and several co-workers. The factory made cookies, flavored him with lies.
"
7258,28,Narrator:," He made us all take a look at what we were doing, and at the bargain he got a taste of real freedom.
"
7259,28,Narrator:," We captured that taste, and we keep giving it to him so he can give it right back to you, in every bite of new Simple Rick Freedom Wafer Selects. *shows wafer displayed on screen* Come home to the unique flavor of shattering the grand illusion. Come home to Simple Rick. 
"
7260,28,Fat Morty:, It 
7261,28,Slick:," After you. *the four Mortys walk through the gate. Slick drops his pipe along the way*
"
7262,28,Fat Morty:," There it is... the Wishing Portal. They say for your wish to come true, y-you have to give up something really important. *takes a food machine out of his bag* For me, that's my panini maker. I wish for a million sandwiches! *drops his panini maker down the portal. He turns back to Lizard Morty* And yes, I see the irony.
"
7263,28,Lizard Morty:," I guess I wish I had something cooler than this dumbass surfer necklace. *throws necklace into portal; Glasses takes out a candy bar*
"
7264,28,Glasses Morty:," I wish incest porn h-had a more mainstream appeal, f-for a friend of mine. *Slick takes a step forward, feeling withdrawn*
"
7265,28,Slick:," None of those things are gonna happen, y'know. Morty wishes never come true. Not on the Citadel.
"
7266,28,Lizard Morty:," Then why did you bring us here?
"
7267,28,Slick:," Because I wish that would change. I wish anything about this life would change. 
"
7268,28,Glasses Morty:," Well, I hope you're putting something pretty goddamn important in there.
"
7269,28,Slick:," Me, too. But I doubt it. *throws himself into the portal; Glasses and Lizard scream in shock*
"
7270,28,Glasses Morty:, 
7271,28,Lizard Morty:, 
7272,28,Glasses Morty:," Maybe... Maybe he went somewhere nice. 
"
7273,28,Rick PA Announcer:," *via speaker* """
7274,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," *gets himself up* He gotta be stopped... *wipes bloodstain off his face* He-he cou-couldn't be allowed to win.
"
7275,28,Bodyguard Rick 1:," Then you should've *burp* worked on your aim, bro.
"
7276,28,Campaign Manager Morty:," He's alive?! No, no, no! You gotta listen to me! *shows his campaign badge* I-I worked for him! I was his campaign manager! That Morty is not what he seems.
"
7277,28,Bodyguard Rick 2: ,"Yeah, well, no Morty seems like a president.
"
7278,28,Campaign Manager Morty:, He... 
7279,28,Bodyguard Rick 2:," Yeah. *the airlock door closes; Campaign Manager Morty immediately brings out the documents and cries out to the Bodyguard Ricks but to no avail*
"
7280,28,Bodyguard Rick 1:," It was a blowout. *pushes button on airlock panel and Campaign Manager Morty is instantly sucked out into space along with the dossier and its contents*
"
7281,28,Bodyguard Rick 2:," We hardly call it a blowout, it was almost close enough to trigger a recount.
"
7282,28,Bodyguard Rick 1:," Jesus, what are you, joke security now, too?
"
7283,28,Cop Rick:," Why am I still here? I already confessed to everything.
"
7284,28,Officer Rick 1:," Your case has been reviewed. *presses button, unlocks Cop Rick's handcuffs* You're free to go.
"
7285,28,Cop Rick:," But... I violated at least a dozen departmental codes!
"
7286,28,Officer Rick 1:," New department. New codes. *leaves room*
"
7287,28,Officer Rick 2:," New Citadel. *leaves with Officer Rick 1*
"
7288,28,Glasses Morty:," Did we miss graduation? Where are the new Ricks?
"
7289,28,Teacher Rick:," No graduation. No new Ricks. The school's curriculum is changing.
"
7290,28,Glasses Morty:," To what?
"
7291,28,Teacher Rick:," I don't know, and I don't have to know. I've been fired. *takes out a flask, unscrews top and walks off* Good luck, turds.
"
7292,28,Lizard Morty:," Holy crap... Slick's wish came true. *sees Glasses and Fat Morty smiling*
"
7293,28,Rick D. Sanchez III: ,"Sorry I'm late, Mr. President. Had a little crisis at work.
"
7294,28,Steve Jobs Rick:," Worth it! *eats Simple Rick wafer cookie; see President Morty having a haircut with Barber Rick*
"
7295,28,President Morty: ,"It's no problem. *to Barber Rick* Uh, a little more off the top. *continues* You were saying, "
7296,28,Garment District Rick:," We were saying, *air-quotes* ""President Morty,"" that we don't care who sits in that seat. A Rick, a Morty, a goddam "
7297,28,President Morty:," Does he really speak for everyone here?
"
7298,28,Other Ricks:," Yeah, yeah. *President Morty turns back again holding up the mirror*
"
7299,28,President Morty:," Well, I think it's important to be clear. Raise your hand if he speaks for you.
"
7300,28,Barber Rick:," *keeping his cool* Is that... enough off the top? *three more Officer Ricks enter*
"
7301,28,President Morty:," I don't know. *turns over the two remaining Ricks* Is it?
"
7302,28,Steve Jobs Rick:," *begging* Yes, yes, yes! Goddamn yes!
"
7303,28,Good-Looking Rick:," *begging* Yes, it's great!
"
7304,28,President Morty:," Good. 
"
7305,28,President Morty:," This seems like a good time for a drink, and a cold, calculated speech with sinister overtones. A speech about politics, about order, brotherhood, power...
"
7306,28,President Morty:," But speeches are for campaigning. *looks into his glass of brandy and gives a sinister expression* Now... is the time for action.
"
7307,28,Rick:," Whoa!! Hahaha, yeah! Atlantis, baby!
"
7308,28,Morty:," That was amazing! *both take off their snorkels and flippers*
"
7309,28,Rick: ,"Got some of that mermaid puss!
"
7310,28,Morty:," I'm really hoping it wasn't a one-off thing and I can see her again. By the way, hey, um... still not curious about what might've happened at that crazy Citadel place?
"
7311,28,Rick:," *takes seaweed off his pants* Pssh! Not at all, Morty. That place will never have any bearing over our lives ever again. Unlike that mermaid puss! Yeah!! We're going back for seconds! We're gonna do that shit every week, man! That was Atlantis! 
"
7312,28,Morty:," *as Rick continues celebrating* Whoo! Yeah! Yeaah! Ohhh, shit!
"
7313,29,Rick,": Morty, hurry! "
7314,29,Morty,:  Return the Truth Tortoise! 
7315,29,Rick,":  Morty, whatever you do, don’t drop the Truth Tortoise! Also really important, whatever you do, don’t look into its eyes! "
7316,29,Morty,":  I I did look at it, Rick! I’ve been looking at it! "
7317,29,Rick,":  Now you’re gonna know everything, Morty! Good job! Way to go! You [BLEEP] everything up! "
7318,29,Morty,":  It’s in my head! Ah! Oh, geez, I I can’t get that Truth Tortoise out of my head."
7319,29,Rick,":  Yeah, I told you not to look into its eyes. [Smith family living room]Hey, Morty, let’s watch some interdimensional cable. Remember how we used to do that? "
7320,29,Morty,":  Rick, I can’t I can’t go on. I-I can’t go on like this with the Truth Tortoise shit in my head. I-I wish you could just "
7321,29,Rick,:  Erase the memory from your mind? 
7322,29,Morty,:  How did you know I was gonna say that? 
7323,29,Rick,":  Come on, Morty, come with me."
7324,29,Rick,:  After you.
7325,29,Morty,:  What the hell is this?! 
7326,29,Rick,":  This, Morty, is my archive of all the experiences you’ve begged me to remove from your life, lest you go insane. I call them Morty’s Mind Blowers.
And we’ll be doing this instead of interdimensional cable."
7327,29,Morty,:  How long have I been asking you to remove memories? 
7328,29,Rick,":  Since the first time your mind was blown.  Ahh, here it is. Classic. There’s no dust on it because this isn’t the first time we’ve done this."
7329,29,Morty,:  - What?! - 
7330,29,Rick,":  I call this one ""Moonspiracy""! "
7331,29,Morty,":  Huh, wow.  That’s incredible.  What the heck? "
7332,29,Beth,":  Morty, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? "
7333,29,Rick,":  Yeah, pretty crazy story, Morty."
7334,29,Morty,":  Are you serious? Half the crap we’ve seen, and you think that sounds crazy? "
7335,29,Rick,":  I’ve been to 300 versions of Earth’s moon, including this one, and I’ve never seen signs of a ""regular dude,"" as you describe him, hanging out up there."
7336,29,Summer,:  It’s probably just a smudge on the lens.
7337,29,Morty,":  Smudge on the lens? Smudge on the lens?! I know the difference between a man threatening me and a smudge on the goddamn lens, Summer! "
7338,29,Beth,":  Morty, calm down! Are you feeling okay? "
7339,29,Morty,:  I’m fine! 
7340,29,Summer,:  So sensitive.
7341,29,Principal,":  Kids, I’d like to introduce you all to our new guidance counselor, Mr. Lunas."
7342,29,Mr. Lunas,:   I look forward to helping guide you all towards a brighter future.  I believe every student should shoot for the moon.
7343,29,Morty,":  Got you now, you son of a bitch."
7344,29,Principal,:  What’s this? 
7345,29,Morty,":  Proof that Mr. Lunas isn’t who he says he is! He’s not a guidance counselor? I I assume he’s qualified to be one, who isn’t? But he also lives on the moon."
7346,29,Principal,:  Okay. Hmm. Is that it? Is he doing anything to hurt anyone? 
7347,29,Morty,":  Oh, he’s up to something."
7348,29,Principal,":  I think I understand. ""Up to something,"" ""lives on the moon. "" Okay, I’ll talk to him."
7349,29,Morty,:  What did he say? 
7350,29,Principal,":  Denied the moon stuff, but that’s what pedophiles do, they deny, it’s their bread and butter."
7351,29,Morty,:  Pedophile? 
7352,29,Principal,:  You don’t think so? I thought the moon thing might have been code.
7353,29,Morty,":  No, he’s literally from the moon!"
7354,29,Principal,":  Well, you saw him react. Moon or not, that dude likes ‘em young."
7355,29,Marine,":  Gordon Lunas was a good Marine. We don’t know what drove him to take his own life, but we want to remember the good things. Like how, from a certain angle, some people would say he looked like a smudge."
7356,29,Morty,":  Oh, my God, what have I done? What have I done? Jesus, I made that guy kill himself! "
7357,29,Rick,":  Only in a literal sense. Here’s one I call ""Morty’s Menagerie. "" They don’t all have titles, though. It’s not a ""Simpsons"" Halloween special, more like a clip show made of clips you never saw! I can’t believe we got put into a menagerie."
7358,29,Morty,:  So this guy collects living beings? 
7359,29,Rick,":  Yeah, you know like commemorative plates, but less off-putting. You’ll get it when you’re still actively dating in your 40s. Assess this with cold indifference, you beany-headed prick! Hey, keep it down! Just our luck, menagerie beneath the ""boulder people"" of Granitor Seven."
7360,29,Morty,":  I can’t take it anymore, Rick! "
7361,29,Rick,":  Relax, Morty! "
7362,29,Morty,":  I can’t relax! R-R-Rick, we We gotta get outta here! I don’t care what it takes! Anything! - "
7363,29,Rick,:  Anything? -
7364,29,Morty,:  Anything! 
7365,29,Rick,":  All right, well, you’re gonna have to take off your shirt. Not yet. I’ll tell you when."
7366,29,Lady Scientist,:  Dear God.
7367,29,Dude Scientist,:  What? 
7368,29,Lady Scientist,:  The signal turned out to be There’s no other way to put it Instructions.
7369,29,Official,:  For? 
7370,29,Lady Scientist,":  A vehicle, sir, an interstellar vehicle."
7371,29,Official,:  We’ll need a pilot. I wonder if there’s a volunteer. Mm.
7372,29,Lady Scientist,": Oh, the schematics specify a second, smaller pilot. I mean, they really specify smaller. They have to be exactly 5’3""."
7373,29,Official,":  Chang, you may have majored in Liberal Arts, but I think you’re about to make history."
7374,29,Lady Scientist,":  Primary systems, check. Auxiliary systems, check.  See you soon."
7375,29,Rick,":  Okay, now."
7376,29,A whole bunch of people I don't know,"  Greetings.
You’re You look 
We’ve possessed forms your mind can accept.
Here are some customary clothing gifts.
Please, put them on.
- May we? - Of course, yes.
We followed your instructions.
We have so much to learn from you.
I know, right? "
7377,29,Morty,":  Hey, how come I was able to see those other people’s memories? I I wouldn’t have been around for that."
7378,29,Rick,":  Yeah, sometimes I gotta do a little editing, Morty. It helps the mind blowers play a little bit better upon revisiting. I call this one ""The Whole Enchilada. "" Here, Morty, this’ll make your urine drinkable."
7379,29,Morty,:  Now can we keep shopping? 
7380,29,Zikzak,:  I am Zikzak.
7381,29,Rick,":  Ah, shit, Morty, get behind me. It’s a [BLEEP] alien overlord! It’s okay. Here. Oh, I misjudged."
7382,29,Morty,":  [reads]""I am Floop Floopian. Please kill me."" "
7383,29,Rick,":  That’s right, Morty. The Floop Floopians achieve an eternal orgasmic afterlife, so long as they’re killed by a great warrior. I’m flattered, by the way. Thank you very much."
7384,29,Morty,:  So you’re gonna kill him? 
7385,29,Rick,":  Eh, let’s get some lunch first. So, you want to get shot in the head, or "
7386,29,Zikzak,":  Well, as long as the wound is fatal, I don’t really mind where you shoot me."
7387,29,Rick,:  Cool. I’m gonna go take a quick shit. 
7388,29,Morty,":  Well, I gotta say. You know, I’m a little envious. Your species has an actual afterlife. That’s gotta be nice."
7389,29,Zikzak,:  Wh-What do you mean? 
7390,29,Morty,":  Well, you know, here on Earth, w-we don’t know what’s going on. It must be nice for you guys to, you know, have that Have that proof’s in the pudding, you know, evidence."
7391,29,Zikzak,:  Evidence? There’s supposed to be evidence? 
7392,29,Rick,":  Um, yeah, uh otherwise, how do you know if it’s true? Wait, you don’t "
7393,29,Rick,":  All right, so you want to do this here or outside? "
7394,29,Morty,:  Run! 
7395,29,Zikzak,":  I don’t wanna die! Oh, God, it’s all real! Oh, it hurts! Oh, I shouldn’t have doubted it! I shouldn’t have let you make me doubt it! Aah! I blame you, I blame you! "
7396,29,Morty,:  But he said there wasn’t any evidence! 
7397,29,Rick,":  That was a ton of evidence! Well, silver lining.  Now I know their religion’s real. They have a hell, and it does not look good.  I noticed you never finished your chimichanga, so I got some room for it now, if you know what I mean."
7398,29,Morty,":  Holy [BLEEP]! How many of these are just horrible mistakes I’ve made? I mean, maybe I’d stop making so many if I let myself learn from them! "
7399,29,Rick,":  Don’t break your back creating a lesson, Morty. It’s a freeform anthology. I’m getting annoyed you’re not hearing that. As you can see around me, your mind’s been blown countless times, and not always by yourself."
7400,29,Morty,":  Ah, [BLEEP], I don’t even "
7401,29,Rick,":  This better not have been a good one. What is this? Great, ""Booger AIDS,"" ""AIDS Booger."" I gotta start using real file names.In the meantime, enjoy a grab bag of mind blowers I call ""Poop AIDS underscore copy."" "
7402,29,Alien King,":  I’m not an unreasonable man, Beth Smith. I know children are everything to a mammal. I will spare one of their lives. You simply have to choose."
7403,29,Beth,:  Summer! Summer.
7404,29,Rick,":  You’re not gonna believe this.
I went to Phoebe instead of Titan.
It’s, like, hello, Saturn, after ten moons, time to stop naming and start numbering, you know? What’s Wh-What’s with you assholes?"
7405,29,Beth,":  Morty, please, don’t do this."
7406,29,Morty,":  Your Morty is gone! I am Voltamatron, Destroyer of Worlds!"
7407,29,Summer,":  Grandpa Rick, there must be some scientific way to save him! "
7408,29,Rick,":  Not scientific, but there may be a way. Morty, I know you’re in there. It’s me, your grandpa. I know I can be mean, but I love you, Morty. We all do, you gotta fight this thing. I know you can. You’re stronger than all of us! "
7409,29,Beth,":  Morty, it’s mom! We love you, you have to fight it! "
7410,29,Summer,":  Come on, Morty! Fight that stupid worm thing! We love you! We love you so much! Yes, Morty, come on, you’re doing it! You’re doing it! You’re doing it! Should we pull it out? "
7411,29,Rick,":  No, don’t touch it. Just keep loving Morty! "
7412,29,Beth,:  We still love you. But I do have a thing at 6:00.
7413,29,Summer,":  Oh, God, do I have to keep looking? "
7414,29,Rick,":  Geez, Morty, come on, pinch it off already! Don’t! Oh, God, sorry, Morty, I love you! God, is there going to be an intermission? Excuse me, but I ordered the large evil space worm.I know, it’s like, is that a demon slug in your stomach, or are you just happy to Sorry! "
7415,29,Morty,":  Well, I guess it’s nice to know the whole family sucks! So if the blues ones are my fault, and the purple ones are my family’s, what are the red ones? "
7416,29,Rick,":  Yeah, d-don’t read into it, Morty! "
7417,29,Morty,:  Ahh. 
7418,29,Rick,":  [BLEEP] We need to find shelter before the sunset, Morty. Venzenulon Nine has a night temperature of 300 below! We’ll freeze, Morty! W-We’ll be dead in seconds! "
7419,29,Morty,:  I I think I saw a cave over there.
7420,29,Rick,":  You’ve seen too many movies, Morty. A cave isn’t gonna cut it. We’re gonna have to use Beebo."
7421,29,Morty,:  Beebo led us to water! He’s our friend! - 
7422,29,Rick,:  He won’t even feel it! - 
7423,29,Morty,":  Oh, no, no! "
7424,29,Rick,":  You wanna die, Morty? Get in Beebo! Oh, no, no! Brace for the ice limit. Here it comes! Wait, are we on Venzenulon Nine or Venzenulon Seven? "
7425,29,Morty,":  Wait a minute, why would I ask for that to be removed? Are the red ones stuff you wanted removed? "
7426,29,Rick,":  Ooh, that’s clever, Morty, but I don’t use color to sort things because I’m not a mouse in a European children’s book."
7427,29,Morty,:  Then why are all those pink ones by the liquor? 
7428,29,Rick,":  Liquor? [Bleep], that was close."
7429,29,Morty,:  We lost Captain Sky. He gave his life for the uprising.
7430,29,Rick,":  Yeah. It really makes you think, huh, Morty? We should never take things for granite."
7431,29,Morty,:  - What? - 
7432,29,Rick,":  I’m just saying, life’s short. We shouldn’t take things for granite."
7433,29,Morty,":  - Are you saying ""granite""? - "
7434,29,Rick,":  Well, yeah."
7435,29,Morty,":  It’s ""granted,"" with a ""D."" Take things for granted. Did you actually think it was Jesus Christ, Rick, what are you, a boulder A rock person? How long have you been saying that wrong? "
7436,29,Rick,":  Oh, you like that, huh? I b-b-bet that really blows your mind."
7437,29,Morty,":  I mean, yeah, it’s kind of great."
7438,29,Rick,:  - You want me to erase it? - 
7439,29,Morty,":  What, you can do that? "
7440,29,Rick,":  Ah, [BLEEP]. "
7441,29,Morty,":  I [BLEEP] knew it, you piece of [BLEEP]! You You You’re a [BLEEP] asshole, Rick! "
7442,29,Rick,":  Take it easy, Morty, come on. Just relax."
7443,29,Morty,":  No, I’m not gonna [BLEEP] relax! Come here! "
7444,29,Rick,":  Let go of me, you little bitch! "
7445,29,Morty,:  I’m gonna grab you by the scruff of your 
7446,29,Rick,:  Take that! 
7447,29,Morty,:  Ohh! - 
7448,29,Rick,Umm.
7449,29,Morty,: - Umm. Uhh.- What - 
7450,29,Rick,:  What’s going on? - 
7451,29,Morty,:  Where am I? - 
7452,29,Rick,:  Who are we? 
7453,29,Morty,:  Who am I? I think I’m an adolescent boy.
7454,29,Rick,":  Huh, and I’m an elderly man. And we appear to be in some kind of secret confined space.Yeah, umm Don’t look at me like that. For all we know, you could be the [BLEEP] weirdo. Huh, these things are obviously storage units, and since we can’t remember what went wrong, my guess is that the technology involves memory, and that this thing on your head is designed to  Tell us the code, jagoff! It’s pointless. He’s stonewalling."
7455,29,Morty,":  Rick, if we don’t unlock those vaccines, Earth dies! You know, it might be time to step up your interrogation! "
7456,29,Rick,":  Not sure what you’re implying, Morty, but some lines I don’t cross."
7457,29,Morty,":  Yeah, well, I crossed every line I had when this bastard tried to kill Jessica! "
7458,29,Rick,": Okay, see those two fleshy sacs under his chin, Morty? Grab ‘em. You remember the codes now? Twist! Give us the codes, man! Twist harder, Morty! Harder! Okay, let go, let go, let him breathe. He wants to make a deal. Half the codes now, half after you finish."
7459,29,Morty,":  But can we trust Wait, what? F-Finish what? "
7460,29,Rick,:  Y-You know 
7461,29,Morty,:  I thought I was torturing him! 
7462,29,Rick,":  Oh, and this disappoints you? Do I tell him we don’t have a deal, Morty? Because if we can kill our enemies, but we can’t jack them off, then how are we better than them? "
7463,29,Morty,":  Well, what did you find out? We’re partners, I guess, and we fight aliens, like ""Men in Black""? "
7464,29,Rick,":  ""Men in Black,"" ""Men in Black."" I have ""Men in Black 2"" in here."
7465,29,Morty,:  So So you get the general idea.
7466,29,Rick,:  Not quite. It’s basically an endless string of callbacks to 
7467,29,Morty,":  All right, save it for Youtube.I’ll keep looking for clues."
7468,29,Rick,:  What are you doing? 
7469,29,Morty,:  You want your shelf level or not? 
7470,29,Rick,":  And if I say yes, you’re gonna provide that for me with that? "
7471,29,Morty,":  Yes, see the bubble? "
7472,29,Rick,":  I’m familiar with the bubble, Morty. I also dabble in precision, and if you think you can even approach it with your sad, naked, caveman eyeball and a bubble of [BLEEP] air, you’re the reason this species is a failure, and it makes me angry! "
7473,29,Morty,:  You’re drunk.
7474,29,Rick,":  You want to put up a shelf, put up a shelf You want to experience true level? Do you? "
7475,29,Morty,:  Y-yes.
7476,29,Rick,":  Ugh, all right, come on."
7477,29,Morty,":  Wow, it’s so Oh, oh, oh, oh, my God, oh, Christ, ooh, ooh, ooh, ahh."
7478,29,Rick,":  Oh, yeah, true level, bitch."
7479,29,Summer,":  Morty, come on, we’re leaving for school."
7480,29,Morty,":  Oh, everything’s crooked! Reality is poison! I want to go back! I hate this! "
7481,29,Summer,:  What’s his deal? 
7482,29,Morty,":  Can’t live like this! Shh, shh, shh, shh, Morty, Morty, Morty."
7483,29,Rick,":  Go to school, Summer. I’ll go in Morty’s memory and do a little Lambs to the cosmic slaughter! "
7484,29,Morty,:  Well? You seem to be in charge of what I get to remember. Why? 
7485,29,Rick,":  Good question. Morty, I need darkness to prime these optical inductors. Hit the leftmost light switch by the door for me. The left. Okay, lights on. So, did I just hear three distinct light switch clicks? "
7486,29,Morty,:  W-W-What do you mean? 
7487,29,Rick,":  I feel like the three sounds I heard could be explained by an initial erroneous flipping of a switch on the right followed by a hasty, corrective flipping of the requested switch. Then during the resultant darkness and silence, a third, shameful unflipping of the initially flipped switch. Is my assessment accurate? "
7488,29,Morty,":  Yeah, that’s that’s basically how how it all shaked out. I’m sorry."
7489,29,Rick,":  Ugh. All right, come on."
7490,29,Morty,:  What?! 
7491,29,Rick,:  Come on! Grab a shovel.
7492,29,Morty,:  W-What is 
7493,29,Rick,":  Grab a shovel! What was that? I can’t find a goddamn zip tie anywhere! All right, [BLEEP] it! Ahh, zip tie. Why are you making me do this for you again? "
7494,29,Morty,":  Who doesn’t wish they could talk to animals, Rick?"
7495,29,Rick,":  Most humans! There, I’m done, just stay out of trouble! "
7496,29,Squirrels,":  Gotta keep moving.
Can’t stop.
Up, down, down, up, up, up, down, up, stop, down.
The queen needs food.
The babies need food.
The queen makes babies.
The situation in Argentina has proven less convenient than predicted.
We’ll have to re-destabilize their economy, refocus labor class outrage from upper to middle, foster a coup, and install a compliant regime.
Same as Guatemala? Yes, but you can double time it.
We need a quorum to pick a new pope, in case the Exxon/Monsanto thing falls through in Africa.
Why not use chemtrails? Put a canopy on Uganda.
They’re set to agitate any mo What? That kid is watching us.
So, we’re squirrels, he’s a kid.
He’s watching us like he hears what we’re saying.
Hey, kid.
Young man? Come here, little boy.
Tell Daphne to run a 199 on a possible Dolittle.
Little boy! We’ll give you wishes if you can hear us! We can make you fly and get candy."
7497,29,Morty,":  Oh, [BLEEP]! Oh, [BLEEP]! [Bleep] me! [Bleep] me! Rick!"
7498,29,Rick,":  Ah, [BLEEP], Morty, what did you do? All right, Morty, pack your shit! That’s only gonna keep ‘em down for a little bit, Morty! You [BLEEP] with squirrels, Morty! We got a good five minutes before they’re backing up on our ass, Morty! We have to pack up and move to a new reality, Morty! You know I said we could only do that a couple of times! We’re [BLEEP] over here because of these damn squirrels, Morty! "
7499,29,Morty,":  I don’t know what my reaction is, but I think I’m mounting in suspicion of you."
7500,29,Rick,":  - Well, what are you gonna do? - "
7501,29,Morty,:  I’m gonna remember everything! Everything! Yeah! Ow! Ah! Ow! 
7502,29,Rick,":  Well, what’d you find out? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you gonna do, kill me? "
7503,29,Morty,":  No, I’m not gonna kill you. I’m gonna kill myself! All those memories just erased! Sitting in this room collecting dust! W-What’s the point of going on if most of everything that happens just ends up sitting in here? "
7504,29,Rick,":  All right, kid. I don’t know much aside from the fact that ""Men in Black 2"" is a joyless cash grab, but I do know that whatever you have brewing around in your noggin really connected with you.I can’t deny that, and I can’t deny that I’m inspired by your passion. I want in Suicide pact! Yes, yeah, let’s do it! Together, you old son of a bitch! On three! One Two "
7505,29,Summer,:  You guys doing Morty’s Mind Blowers? 
7506,29,Morty,:  Morty’s Mind Blowers? 
7507,29,Summer,":  Grandpa, is this scenario three? "
7508,29,Rick,":  Uh, w-what’s that, and w-who are you? "
7509,29,Summer,":  Oh, man, it’s a scenario four. Ugh, [BLEEP] goddamn it! I don’t get paid enough for this shit! "
7510,29,TV,:  There’s a Craftsman nearby. I can smell it.
7511,29,Rick,":  Whoa, what what "
7512,29,TV,:  Can I help you? 
7513,29,Rick,:  H-How did we fall asleep during interdimensional cable? - 
7514,29,Morty,":  Yeah, what the hell, Summer? - "
7515,29,Rick,":  Summer, you dumb bitch! How long were we out, you dumb bitch! How much interdimensional cable did we miss, you stupid bitch! How many improv TV shows with commercials did we miss, Summer? Why did you let us fall asleep? You dumb bitch! You stupid bitch! All right, Morty, [BLEEP] this noise.Let’s get out of here and go on a classic Rick and Morty adventure."
7516,29,Morty,":  Yeah, right, Rick, I’m allin."
7517,29,Summer,:  No wonder you’re constantly fighting with each other and behind schedule.
7518,29,Rick,:  What? 
7519,29,Summer,:  Nothing.
7520,29,Jerry,: Rick? Hello? Just here for my putter. Jerry’s Mind Blowers?
7521,29,Helicopter Passenger,":   Follow the boys! We’re charged and aimed at Alpha Centauri, ready for transport. They fell for it! Let’s send Gobo home! All right! - "
7522,29,Summer,:  Where’s dad? - 
7523,29,Beth,:  He should be here any second.
7524,29,Rick,":  It’s funny, Jerry spent his life seeking attention, but in the end, humanity’s instinctive dismissal of him saved an alien’s life."
7525,29,Summer,":  He knows where to go, right? "
7526,29,Morty,":  Yep, any minute now."
7527,29,Jerry,:  Did it work? Did you guys get Gobo home? 
7528,29,Morty,:  You have Gobo! You were supposed to bring him to the hill! 
7529,29,Jerry,:  As if. He was in your basket.
7530,29,Morty,:  He was in your car! Oh! Oof! Dibs on his stuff. Did yoof that?
7531,30,News Anchor,": In local news, child murderer Joseph Eli Lipnip is scheduled to die tomorrow by lethal injection, his execution already drawing dozens more spectators than the death of TV news. Carla?"
7532,30,Carla Johnson,: The man that once ate his own son 
7533,30,Beth,: Wow. He’s really getting executed after all this time. You know the son that he ate was -- 
7534,30,Summer,: Your best friend -- Tommy. We know. Stop true-crime bragging.
7535,30,Beth,":I was traumatized, Summer. Okay, your generation wouldn’t get that."
7536,30,Summer,":  Bitch, my generation gets traumatized for breakfast."
7537,30,Beth,":  It took years of therapy to even process the reality. I mean, when I was a kid, I just told myself that Tommy had gotten lost in the magical realm of Froopyland."
7538,30,Summer,":""Froopyland?"" "
7539,30,Beth,": My make-believe world.  I know the name’s stupid, but it was so real to me."
7540,30,Rick,:  Aren’t you guys supposed to be at your father’s for custody weekend?
7541,30,Morty,:We’re not in a hurry. Dad sleeps until sundown. Can we talk a little bit more about this Froopy--
7542,30,Summer,:Not the bubble gun! There’s no air -- 
7543,30,Beth,":I gotta say, I am warming up to the bubble gun."
7544,30,Rick,": You know, if you’re so great at naming things, why don’t you do it from now on? "
7545,30,Beth,:-What? 
7546,30,Rick,":-Froopyland. Was it my best work? I don’t know. Does it deserve to be shit on creatively? Yeah, that’s right. I agree with your look of horrified realization. You can be very inconsiderate sometimes."
7547,30,Rick,":[ Rattling ] [ Grunting ] Here it is. You know, I collapsed a quantum tesseract to "
7548,30,Beth,": -- Dad, I don’t care how you made it. I want to know if Tommy’s still in there!"
7549,30,Rick,":  Relax, Beth. (draws door on wall) [ Jingling, crackling)  If he is, we’ll find him. He’ll be the only sun-bleached skeleton with non-imaginary DNA."
7550,30,Beth,:  Tommy! Tommy! This is a nightmare. I can’t believe you used to lock me up in this glorified chicken coop.
7551,30,Rick,":  Chicken coop? Those are procedurally generated clouds, Beth. That river is a rainbow. Literally. Come on, I-I-I put real elbow grease into this place."
7552,30,Beth,":  Well, you’re supposed to put elbow grease into your daughter!"
7553,30,Rick,:Gross.
7554,30,Beth,:  Do you think something ate him?
7555,30,Rick,: Nope. Froopyland creatures were designed to be harmless. He definitely just starved to death.
7556,30,Beth,:  I could have been the one who starved to death in here. What if I’d gotten hurt?
7557,30,Rick,":God, you’re right. I’m a terrible dad. Well, nothing to live for. Goodbye, cruel world! (jumps off cliff)"
7558,30,Beth,: Dad! 
7559,30,Rick,":[ Thump ] Oh, how do you like that? What kind of merciless creator makes the ground bouncy? I’m gonna have to drown myself."
7560,30,Beth,": [Jumps, Thump ] Unh!"
7561,30,Rick,":(sticks head in water)  Oh, no. Oh, the water’s breathable? Who went and did that?"
7562,30,Beth,":Oh, whatever."
7563,30,Rick,":Yeah, whatever. A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2, and it breaks the front page of Reddit, but I’m Charles Manson because I gave you your own world instead of an iPad. I think the words you’re looking for are -- Aah! [Gets grabbed by a raptor. Screeches ] Holy [bleep] [Bleep] This thing has claws!"
7564,30,Beth,":Yeah, I get it. It’s a childproof world."
7565,30,Rick,":   No, no, seriously, this hurts really bad! This thing is sinking razor-sharp claws in -- Aah! [Bleep]"
7566,30,Beth,": You’ve made your point, Dad. Dad? "
7567,30,Morty,:Ugh!
7568,30,Summer,:   Whose idea was this stupid custody weekend thing?
7569,30,Morty,: I think it’s supposed to help prevent abandonment issues.
7570,30,Summer,:   I want to be abandoned.
7571,30,Morty,":   Yeah, I’m talking about Dad."
7572,30,Jerry,:   [ Door opens ] Bienvenue a la Chez Divorced Dad.
7573,30,Summer,":   Wow, Dad. Your place looks way less like a crackhouse."
7574,30,Morty,":  It’s actually clean, like a cocaine house. Dad, what’s going on?"
7575,30,Jerry,":  I’m simply centered, activated -- [ Glass clinks, Warble ]
"
7576,30,Morty,:And telekinetic?
7577,30,Jerry,":  Pretty cool, huh? Check it out. Who wants a smoothie? [ Rattle, Blender whirring ] Oh -- Oh, no. Uh, oh, God. Summer -- Summer, can you --"
7578,30,Summer,:-Aah!
7579,30,Jerry,:  -Sorry.
7580,30,Kiara,":   [ Warble ] You have much to learn, my Uloo."
7581,30,Jerry,":   Morty, Summer, this is Kiara. She’s a Krootabulan warrior priestess from Krootabulon."
7582,30,Morty,":   I-I know where Krootabulans are from, Dad. Uh, Chaimuntolo."
7583,30,Kiara,":    Chaimuntolo, younglings."
7584,30,Summer,:  Hymencholo.
7585,30,Kiara,: Your father’s mind holds love for you. I am humbled to meet in physicality.
7586,30,Summer,":   Dad, are you "
7587,30,Jerry,":-- In love with a badass, sexy alien lady? Ha, ha, I don’t know, Summer. You tell me."
7588,30,Summer,:  I wasn’t going to ask if you were in love since you barely know her.
7589,30,Jerry,:   Summer. Kiara and I met on that interstellar dating service Rick was always suggesting when your mom and I were together. And things just kind of clicked.
7590,30,Kiara,:   We must move! Our reservation is at 7:00.
7591,30,Jerry,":  [ Whoosh ] I hate to see her leave, but I love to watch her phase shift away. I’m sure you noticed what she has three of, but guess what she has two of?"
7592,30,Rick,":   [ Screeches ] Oof! All right, knock it off! Listen, I’ve been giving you a pass because I’m charmed that life finds a way, but -- Aah! All right, you know what? [ Ray gun fires ] Ouch! Oh! Unh! Ouch! God! [ Sizzling ] Aah! Agh! [ Arm clicks ]
"
7593,30,Beth,":  Oh, yeah, this place is the safest.    Best dad ever. Can’t you just say, ""I admit it, I screwed up""?"
7594,30,Rick,":   Uh, what would be the point of that?"
7595,30,Beth,": [ Chuckling ] You can’t do it, can you? You can’t just [bleep] apologize."
7596,30,Rick,":   Okay, okay, Beth, I’m sorry you think you deserve an apology. [raptor Screeches ] Hey, don’t look at me. You let your kid roll around on the floor of a target, it’s gonna get stepped on. [raptor Screeches, Whir, zap ] Huh. Well, here’s the problem right here. We’ve got a bunch of Froopyland procedural carbons all gummed up and mixed in with real human DNA."
7597,30,Beth,":  Are you saying Tommy survived here by having sex with Froopy creatures, creating Froopy-human hybrid offspring, and then consuming their proteins, sustaining himself with an endless cycle of cannibalistic incest?"
7598,30,Rick,":  It’s just a working theory. Of course, if that’s the case, I expect he’d be worshiped as a kind of god by a medieval-level society of his least-delicious children."
7599,30,Lead Froopy Creature,":  Halt! You are now prisoners of our exalted ruler, giver and taker of life, helper and consumer of mortality, dispenser of life"
7600,30,Rick,":-- Yeah, if I could interrupt? We’re way ahead of the reveal here."
7601,30,Beth,":  Yeah, just take us to King Tommy."
7602,30,Morty,:   I thought warrior priestesses could only leave Krootabulon on a hunt.
7603,30,Jerry,":   Mmm. Thank you, sweetie."
7604,30,Morty,:   I hope it’s not human season.
7605,30,Kiara,:   I’m on Earth hunting the Varrix. I would never hunt a human. Your father and I are soul-bonded.
7606,30,Morty,:   Soul-bonded?
7607,30,Summer,": Um, does your planet have shorter days, because you guys are moving kind of fast, no?"
7608,30,Kiara,": Sniff [ Dramatic music plays, Whoosh, Varrix alien waiter reveal]
"
7609,30,Jerry,":  Go get him, honey! She’s always hunting. [ Chuckles ] She probably knew a Varrix worked here, and that’s why she said the Yelp reviews didn’t matter."
7610,30,Morty,":   Dad, do you understand how serious Krootabulon soul-bonding is?"
7611,30,Jerry,":  Uh, gee, Morty, I don’t know. It’s got such a casual name. If you want to lecture anyone about commitment, start with your mom."
7612,30,Summer,":  Oh, my God. Dad, is that what this is about? Are you rushing into a new thing to get back at Mom?"
7613,30,Jerry,":   Every weekend, you two have told me to move on."
7614,30,Summer,":   Move on, like, out of bed. Like, stop using paper towels for toilet paper, not move on into a sloppy rebound."
7615,30,Morty,":   Dad, you need to slow down, rethink this soul bond."
7616,30,Jerry,":   Why don’t you just say what you really mean? You think it’s cool that having sex with her gives me telekinesis and you recognize she’s got a hot bod like Cheetara in ""Thundercats,"" but you’re grossed out by her avocado-shaped head and blue skin, and you think I want to put a bag and a wig on her head. After all the time and energy I spent teaching you two about race [ Varrix screams ] you ended up racist."
7617,30,Kiara,":   [ Whoosh ] Soon your world will be rid of Varrix. Tomorrow, we celebrate."
7618,30,Jerry,:  We could take the kids to the water park.
7619,30,Kiara,:   We celebrate with a hunt!
7620,30,Jerry,:  Ooh. You kids want to hunt?
7621,30,Morty,: -Yes.
7622,30,Summer,:  -Yes.
7623,30,Offspring creature,:    All kneel for King Tommy!
7624,30,Rick,:  I’m not kneeling. Suck my [bleep]
7625,30,Tommy,":   Well, hello, all! I am the King of Froopyland, but I go by another name, too."
7626,30,Beth,:   We know.
7627,30,Tommy,:   It’s Tommy!
7628,30,Beth,: -We know.
7629,30,Rick,:   -We know.
7630,30,Tommy,:   I have lived here since I was a mere child.
7631,30,Beth,:   -We know.
7632,30,Rick,:   -Got it.
7633,30,Tommy,":   I suppose you’re wondering, how do I sustain myself?"
7634,30,Rick,":     -Oh, boy."
7635,30,Beth,":   -No, we aren’t."
7636,30,Tommy,:   I always find the theater is the best way to clarify things.
7637,30,Beth,:   -Ugh.
7638,30,Rick,:   -Seriously?
7639,30,Beth,":  Oh, my God."
7640,30,Tommy,":   Players, go!"
7641,30,Little Tommy,:  I am little Tommy.
7642,30,Tiny Beth,:   I am tiny Beth.
7643,30,Beth,":  Oh, come on."
7644,30,Tiny Beth,:  Come with me to a magic land.
7645,30,Froopy Voice,:Don’t do it!
7646,30,Tiny Beth,:  This is my secret Froopyland where I have no rules!
7647,30,Little Tommy,:  I am excited.
7648,30,Tiny Beth,:  I am jealous of Tommy’s friends and his Nintendo and his dad who likes him.
7649,30,Rick,:   I take it Tommy wasn’t class playwright.
7650,30,Tiny Beth,:  You want to see the Honey Swamp?
7651,30,Little Tommy,:  Yes! Let’s do it!
7652,30,Tiny Beth,":  Well, I want to see you dead."
7653,30,Little Tommy,":  Ow, help! I’m stuck! I’m covered in honey."
7654,30,Rick,":   Huh. Well, that’s interesting."
7655,30,Beth,:   Fake news.
7656,30,Little Tommy,":  Many nights have passed, trapped in this strange land. I am hungry, and all I can do to pass the time is hump. I will hump this rock. [ Tapping ] I will hump this tree. [ Tapping ] I will hump this beast of the land and put my seed in it.[ Tapping ]
"
7657,30,Little Offspring,: I am the first of Tommy’s children. Eat of my flesh so you may survive.
7658,30,Little Tommy,:  And so I did.
7659,30,Rick,":   Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Certified fresh. Good -- Good job."
7660,30,Tommy,":   Perhaps a demonstration is in order.[ Unzips shorts ]
"
7661,30,Beth,":   No, that is the last thing that is in order! Ugh. Oh, my God."
7662,30,Rick,:   Poor Froopy character. Leave him alone.
7663,30,Tommy,":   [ Shorts zip ] Ahh. Gather round, gang! [ Moos ] Dinner time. [ Splorch ]
"
7664,30,Rick,":   All right, that’s it. I’m outta here."
7665,30,Beth,:   What are you doing? We’re in the middle of an adventure.
7666,30,Rick,":   Here’s some things an adventure needs, Beth. Conflict, stakes, a way for me to benefit, and, clearly, Morty."
7667,30,Beth,":   But Tommy’s still in there, raping Muppets and eating babies."
7668,30,Rick,":   Yep. Luckily, that’s not our problem. Time to pull the plug."
7669,30,Beth,":   Pull the plug? We have to get Tommy out of there, okay? We -- We need to do the right thing. Do what you never did as a dad -- Put in a little effort."
7670,30,Rick,":   All right, cut the high-road routine. We both saw Tommy’s shitty play. You pushed him in the Honey Swamp, Beth. His very happy life is in your hands. You go save him from it."
7671,30,Beth,:   [ Scoffs ] You’re gonna believe a play over your own daughter?
7672,30,Rick,": Yes, I am, Beth, because you’re not my own daughter."
7673,30,Beth,":   Oh, God, yes. I’m one of infinite Beths with infinite fathers in infinite universes. It’s called a hug, Dad. It won’t kill you."
7674,30,Rick,":   Yeah, don’t be so sure. You know why all Ricks made a Froopyland for all their little girls? Same reason I wasn’t surprised by Tommy’s overwritten, badly structured, cheaply produced flashback. You were a scary [bleep] kid, man."
7675,30,Beth,":   [ Scoffing ] Oh, my God."
7676,30,Rick,":   I didn’t make Froopyland to get rid of you, Beth. I did it to protect the neighborhood. Not in a [burps] noble sense. It was just more practical to sequester you before I had to start, you know, cloning a replacement for every less-than-polite little boy or gullible animal that might cross your socio-path."
7677,30,Beth,:   You would rather believe I’m evil than admit that you were a bad father?
7678,30,Rick,":  Oh, dude, no. No, bad father all the way to the max over here. I’m a [bleep] nutcase. And the acorn plopped straight down, baby. Look at some of this shit you were asking me to make you as a kid. Ray guns. A whip that forces people to like you. Invisibility cuffs, a parent trap, a lightning gun, a teddy bear with anatomically correct innards, night-vision googly-eye glasses, sound-erasing sneakers, false fingerprints, fall-asleep darts, a lie-detecting doll, an indestructible baseball bat, a Taser shaped like a ladybug, a fake police badge, location-tracking stickers (time = 10:55 -5.243, 47.394, rainbow-colored duct tape, mind-control hair clips, poison gum, a pink, sentient switchblade."
7679,30,Pink Sentient Switchblade,":   Hi, Beth, you’ve gotten taller. Shall we resume stabbing?"
7680,30,Beth,":   Has it occurred to you that I asked you to make those things because I wanted you to spend time with me? Has it occurred to you that if I did try killing Tommy, it might be because I was jealous of his family?"
7681,30,Rick,":   Wait, what? Why? Wasn’t his dad, like, some kind of cannibal? Seems like it must be hereditary."
7682,30,Beth,":   Oh, my God. This is your fault. I am not a bad person. I’m gonna go back in there, I’m getting Tommy, and I’m fixing this!"
7683,30,Rick,":   Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin. [ Jingling ] I don’t know why I just said that. Doesn’t make a lot of sense, but gotta stand by it. Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin. I’m owning it."
7684,30,Morty,":No, Dad! You’re not doing it right! [ Ax swings ]
"
7685,30,Jerry,: Cutting off their heads isn’t doing it right?
7686,30,Morty,: They’re [grunts] clearly regenerative! I-I think you have to stab them through the heart or something.
7687,30,Summer,":  You think or you know? I thought you were the alien expert, Isaac Asi-hole."
7688,30,Morty,:  Don’t snap at me! I’m tired!
7689,30,Summer,": -Me, too!"
7690,30,Jerry,": -We’re all tired! [ Ax swings, Whoosh, Grunts ]
"
7691,30,Kiara,":  That’s the last of them. Tonight, we celebrate."
7692,30,Jerry,:   With a hunt?
7693,30,Kiara,": Yes, for tomorrow, we hunt."
7694,30,Jerry,":   [ Rain trickling, Clears throat ] I, uh, really have to get out of this soul bond."
7695,30,Summer,:   -What the [bleep] Dad?
7696,30,Morty,":   -Oh, my God! Duh!"
7697,30,Summer,:   -Obviously!
7698,30,Morty,":   -Yeah, no kidding!"
7699,30,Jerry,: Can you guys help me?
7700,30,Morty,:   What? How?
7701,30,Jerry,":   Can I just, uh, tell her it’s because of my kids? You know, like, you don’t like the shape of her head, or"
7702,30,Summer,":   -- That’s you, Dad! That’s you! You’re a baby and an idiot!"
7703,30,Jerry,":   I think that’s been established, Summer. Now help me!"
7704,30,Summer,":   First, I want you to admit that you’re a closet racist, a beta-male sexist, and you dragged everyone into a horrible situation by only thinking of yourself."
7705,30,Jerry,:  Okay.
7706,30,Summer,:  I want to hear you say it.
7707,30,Jerry,":  [ Sighs deeply ] Look, I’m a closeted racist, and I’m sexist and selfish, and I dragged us all into my sexist, racist bad things because I’m stupid."
7708,30,Summer,:   Thank you.
7709,30,Jerry,":   Now you’re gonna help me, right?"
7710,30,Morty,:  She just did.
7711,30,Summer,":   Yeah, clean up your own mess."
7712,30,Jerry,":   Wait, wait, what? Oh, man."
7713,30,Tommy,":All right, everybody. Next item on the docket -- I would like to have sex with some of you, and then eat the babies. [ Froopys murmuring ] I thought you’d like that. I do keep rolling out the hits, don’t I? [ Bang beth slams door open ] Oh! It’s the Magic Crayon Lady! Are you hungry? I was just about to make dinner. And by ""make dinner,"" I mean"
7714,30,Beth,":  -- Tommy, I’m going to take you to the real world."
7715,30,Tommy,":   Well, this is the real world."
7716,30,Beth,":   No, you don’t understand! Your dad -- Uh, people think your dad ate you!"
7717,30,Tommy,:  So? You doy-oy! People should eat people. Just leave me alone!
7718,30,Beth,":   Tommy, you don’t understand. I have to make this right because it’s my fault that you’re in here. I’m Beth."
7719,30,Tommy,:    -Beth? -The destroyer! 
7720,30,Beth,":   Oh, suck it up, Princess Incest. You fell into some honey."
7721,30,Tommy,":   Well, it tends to happen when one is pushed into honey."
7722,30,Beth,:   I respect your right to believe I pushed you.
7723,30,Tommy,":   Oh, do I get to have that? Is my reality like a little side of fries -- a little Kwanzaa you’re willing to slide my way?"
7724,30,Beth,":  Yes, because I’m focused on saving your father’s life because I’m not a petty piece of [bleep]"
7725,30,Tommy,":  So, then, it should be pretty easy to say, ""Sorry I pushed you."""
7726,30,Beth,":   Real easy and not necessary, since you coming home will save your dad’s life whereas nothing is changed by anyone stroking your batshit-crazy ego."
7727,30,Tommy,":   Sorry, forgive me. Uh, I’ve been in Froopyland for quite a while. Have apologies changed?"
7728,30,Beth,":   Tommy, I’m sorry you think you deserve an apology. Oh, my God. I’m my father."
7729,30,Tommy,":   Uh, will someone just kill this B-word? "
7730,30,Beth,":  [ Grunts ] Hi-ya! Oh, my God. I’m my father! Ya! Ooh! "
7731,30,Pink Sentient Switchblade,:It’s stab time!
7732,30,Froopies,: Ooh!
7733,30,Math Teacher,": And that’s why one pussy plus two pussies makes a bunch of pussies. Come on, y’all, I’m trying to make this appealing to your sex-addicted lifestyles."
7734,30,Jerry,":   Hi, I need to pull Morty out of school. Come on, Morty."
7735,30,Bully,":   Ha! You heard your daddy, Morty. you have to leave school. Wait, what are my values?"
7736,30,Summer,": Dad, what’s going on?"
7737,30,Jerry,:  We’re going to Alaska.
7738,30,Morty,:  What? Why?
7739,30,Jerry,": It’s nice there. Also, I broke up with Kiara, and she didn’t take it well, and she wants to murder you two."
7740,30,Morty,:  What? Th-Then why are we walking?
7741,30,Jerry,:I’m walking because I’m tired. You guys should definitely run.
7742,30,Kiara,":   [ Screams, Thud ] Excuse me, I just -- You know what? I’m -- I’m just gonna go left. No, okay, your left, that’s fine. Do you know what left is, ‘cause -- Ugh!"
7743,30,Morty,":  What does your breakup have to do with us? [ Engine starts ]
"
7744,30,Summer,":  Yeah, we chose Mom hands down. I thought we made that clear at the lawyer’s office and in the comments under your weird rant on Facebook."
7745,30,Jerry,":  [ Crash, Tires squeal ] She kind of blames you guys for the breakup."
7746,30,Summer,:  -Why?
7747,30,Morty,:-Why?
7748,30,Jerry,:  Because I told her it was your fault.
7749,30,Summer,:  -What?!
7750,30,Morty,:-What?!
7751,30,Jerry,":  Look, I’m not an evil person. I’m just not very imaginative! [ Warbling, Grunts, Metal twisting ] Oh! [ All scream ]
"
7752,30,Rick,":Doo-doo butt Doo-doo-doo -- doo-doo butt No. [ Jingling ] Doo-doo butt, doo-doo butt"
7753,30,Beth,:  Hey.
7754,30,Rick,:  Hey.
7755,30,Beth,":   Um, hmm, so just, like, out of curiosity, if you were gonna make a clone of Tommy, what would you need to get started?"
7756,30,Rick,:   I don’t kn-- Tommy’s DNA?
7757,30,Beth,":  Okay, ‘cause he, um Yeah, he didn’t want to come back, so, um, he gave me this."
7758,30,Rick,:   He gave you his finger?
7759,30,Beth,":   Uh, well, what happened is"
7760,30,Rick,: -- It’s okay. It doesn’t matter.
7761,30,Beth,:   Okay.
7762,30,Rick,:  This’ll take about three hours.
7763,30,Beth,:   Okay.
7764,30,Rick,:   Hey. You want to help?
7765,30,Beth,:  Okay.
7766,30,Beth,:   I am wiped out.  I guess I’ll turn in.
7767,30,Rick,:   Cool.
7768,30,Beth,:   Dad? I feel like I’ve spent my life pretending you’re a great guy and trying to be like you. And the ugly truth has always been
7769,30,Rick,: -- That I’m not that great a guy and you’re exactly like me.
7770,30,Beth,:   Am I evil?
7771,30,Rick,": Worse. You’re smart.  When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I’ve never met a universe that was into it. The universe is basically an animal. It grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots just to eat them, not unlike your friend Timmy."
7772,30,Beth,:   Tommy.
7773,30,Rick,":   Yeah, it hardly matters now, sweetie. You know, smart people get a chance to climb on top, take reality for a ride, but it’ll never stop trying to throw you. And, eventually, it will. There’s no other way off."
7774,30,Beth,":   Dad, I’m out of excuses to not be who I am. So who am I? What do I do?"
7775,30,Rick,:  My advice -- Take off. Put a saddle on your universe. Let it kick itself out.
7776,30,Beth,":   I can’t do that. The kids, Jerry, my job, and, as much as I hate to admit it, ABC’s ""The Bachelor."" "
7777,30,Rick,": I can make a clone of you, a perfect instance of you, with all your memories. An exact copy in every way. It’ll love and provide for the kids, do your job, and consume broadcast-network reality TV on the same allegedly ironic level as you. You could be gone a day, a week, or the rest of your life with zero consequences. The moment you decide to come back, I flip a switch, and the clone’s job is done. It feels no pain, it regrets nothing, and has zero chance of going ""Blade Runner."""
7778,30,Beth,":  If nothing matters, why would you do that for me?"
7779,30,Rick,":  I don’t know, maybe you matter so little that I like you. Or maybe it makes you matter. Maybe I love you. Maybe something about your mother. Don’t jump a gift shark in the mouth."
7780,30,Beth,:  I don’t know if I can do it.
7781,30,Rick,":  Then stay, and luxuriate in a life you can finally know you’ve chosen. My secret bonus is that no matter what you choose, you’re finally gonna chill the [bleep] out."
7782,30,Beth,:  Okay. I know what I want to do.
7783,30,Kiara,:  [ Whoosh ] Aah! [ Thud ] Ow! You can’t run forever!
7784,30,Summer,:  She’s really pissed off.
7785,30,Jerry,:   I know. It’s kinda hot.
7786,30,Summer,:  Shut up!
7787,30,Varrix,:  The hunters! They’re back! Run!
7788,30,Morty,:  -We’re not hunters.
7789,30,Summer,:   -We want to hide with you.
7790,30,Varrix,:  We’re not hiding. We’re nesting.
7791,30,Morty,:  Ooh la la.
7792,30,Kiara,:   [ All scream ] The children must be destroyed so that we can be together.
7793,30,Summer,":   You need to break up with her, Dad -- properly! [ Whoosh ] God damn it, Dad! [ Grunts ] Dump her!"
7794,30,Jerry,":   Okay, okay. Kiara, let’s just run away."
7795,30,Summer,:  -Dad!
7796,30,Morty,:-Come on!
7797,30,Summer,:  Just rip the Band-Aid off!
7798,30,Jerry,":   Okay! Kiara, when I told you my kids were bigoted racists who were demanding I break up with you, I lied. If anybody deserves to be telekinetically strangled, it’s me. I’m the one who wants to break up. I -- I’m not an evil person. I’m lazy, I’m cowardly, and -- and I do not know what I’m doing. Look, I got someone pregnant at 17. We’re getting a divorce. None of this is on purpose. I was excited to date someone cool because it would make my ex notice me."
7799,30,Kiara,":  I would expect nothing less from humanity -- a selfish, manipulative, dishonest species that"
7800,30,Trandor,:-- -Kiara?
7801,30,Kiara,:  -Trandor!
7802,30,Trandor,:  What are you doing here?
7803,30,Kiara,:  Just hunting.
7804,30,Trandor,:   Do you really expect me to believe it has nothing to do with us? You knew Earth was my domain.
7805,30,Kiara,:   I don’t like what you’re insinuating.
7806,30,Summer,":  Dad, can we go now?"
7807,30,Jerry,:  Hold on a second. I’m starting to get the feeling that I was the rebound.
7808,30,Morty,":   Dad, you just got handed an Ex Machina. You’re taking it."
7809,30,Trandor,":   Varrix nests spread across 300 galaxies, and you just happened to pick this planet to hunt? That’s Gorgon shit -- total Gorgon shit!"
7810,30,Summer,: We’re home!
7811,30,Beth,": Hey, guys!"
7812,30,Summer,: What’s for dinner?
7813,30,Beth,: How was Jerry’s?
7814,30,Summer,:     The usual. Can we have pizza?
7815,30,Beth,:  Pizza sounds great.
7816,30,Morty,":  Hey, Rick, did you know my dad was dating an alien? No."
7817,30,Rick,:  Gross.: For the alien.
7818,30,Beth,":  Aw, crap, I think Arnaldo’s is closed. Are you guys sure you want pizza?"
7819,30,Rick,:   [ Whoosh ] Arnaldo’s isn’t closed in the dimension where they didn’t invent Daylight Savings!
7820,30,Beth,":  What would we do without you? I love you, Dad."
7821,30,Rick,":   Love you, too, sweetie. By the way, that wasn’t time travel. There were just a couple pizzas on the counter. I grabbed them."
7822,30,Kiara,":   [ Beep ] Hey, Jerry, it’s Kiara. Listen, my boyfriend saw those texts you’ve been sending me, and he got pretty pissed off. If he calls you, just ignore him! [ Beep ]"
7823,30,Carmox,": [ Beep ] This is Carmox. I have intercepted sexual communications between you and my new girlfriend, Kiara. I am coming to kill you now! [ Beep ]"
7824,30,Rick,":  [ Beep]Yo, Jerry, it’s the Big R. Uh, I killed that alien that was coming after ya. Looking out for ya, buddy. [ Beep ] [ Beep ] Hey, Jerry, it’s Rick. Don’t be mad. I [bleep] your ex-girlfriend Kiara."
7825,30,Kiara,":Who are you talking to, Rick? Doesn’t matter."
7826,30,Michael,":Hey, Jerry, this is Michael down at The Antique Phone rentals. Um, I’m gonna go ahead and let you off the hook for the $70 late fee. You can go ahead and keep that answering machine. Nobody really uses those anymore except for exposition on TV shows, anyways."
7827,30,Rick,"
stumbles in drunkenly, and turns on the lights. Morty! You gotta
                    come on. Jus'... you gotta come with me."
7828,30,Morty,"
rubs his eyes. What, Rick? What’s going on?"
7829,30,Rick," I got a surprise for you, Morty."
7830,30,Morty, It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about?
7831,30,Rick,"
spills alcohol on Morty's bed Come on, I got a surprise for you. drags
                        Morty by the ankle Come on, hurry up. pulls Morty out of his bed and into
                        the hall.
"
7832,30,Morty, Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard!
7833,30,Rick," We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty."
7834,30,Rick,"
Rick drives through the night sky. What do you think of this...
                    flying vehicle, Morty? I built it outta stuff I found in the garage."
7835,30,Morty," Yeah, Rick... I-it's great. Is this the surprise?"
7836,30,Rick," Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had— I had to— I had to make a bomb, Morty.
                    I had to create a bomb."
7837,30,Morty, What?! A bomb?!
7838,30,Rick," We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty. Create a
                    whole fresh start."
7839,30,Morty, T-t-that's absolutely crazy!
7840,30,Rick," Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good. Right now, we're
                    gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica."
7841,30,Morty, Jessica? From my math class?
7842,30,Rick,"
puts an arm around Morty’s shoulders. When I drop the bomb you
                    know, I want you to have somebody, you know? I want you to have the thing. I'm
                    gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam."
7843,30,Morty, Ohh...
7844,30,Rick, And Jessica's gonna be Eve.
7845,30,Morty, Whhhh-wha?
7846,30,Rick," And so that's the surprise, Morty."
7847,30,Morty," No, you can't! shoves Rick away. Jessica doesn't even know I
                    exist! But—but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity!"
7848,30,Rick," I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not... spills
                        alcohol down his shirt. You don't got... Y-you don’t gotta worry
                    about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or
                    anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty."
7849,30,Morty," What are you talking about, Rick?"
7850,30,Rick," You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything.
                    Sh-sh-she— she, she, she's all for you, Morty."
7851,30,Morty, I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou—
7852,30,Rick," You know what, Morty? You're right. throws empty bottle into the
                        backseat) Let's forget the girl altogether. She, she's probably nothing but
                        trouble, anyways. (presses a button.
"
7853,30,Robot Voice,Arming neutrino bomb.
7854,30,Morty,"
unbuckles his seatbelt) That's it... that's it, Rick. I'm taking the
                        wheel. (jumps up on Rick and starts fighting with him over control of the
                        wheel."
7855,30,Rick," Get off of me, Morty! they begin to talk over each other.
"
7856,30,Morty," I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy! starts kicking Rick's face
                        while grabbing the wheel."
7857,30,Rick,"
at the same time) Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so
                        much why don’t you marry it? (pushes Morty) What are you, crazy? Alright,
                        alright, Morty. (pushes Morty off of him."
7858,30,Rick," Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land
                    the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden."
7859,30,Rick,"
Rick lands the cruiser in an open desert; he opens the door and tumbles
                        out among dozens of empty alcohol cans and bottles."
7860,30,Morty," Oh, thank god."
7861,30,Rick," You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you
                    more assertive."
7862,30,Morty, It was?
7863,30,Rick," Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo— falls asleep
                        and begins snoring."
7864,30,Robot Voice,Neutrino bomb armed.
7865,30,Morty, Um...
7866,30,Jerry," I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think
                    is gonna be the best singer?"
7867,30,Summer," Oh my God, his head is in his food. I'm going to puke."
7868,30,Beth," Morty, are you getting sick? Morty lifts his head, clearly exhausted, and
                        wipes food from his face"
7869,30,Morty," I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.
                    Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something."
7870,30,Summer, Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick.
7871,30,Jerry, What?
7872,30,Beth, Dad?
7873,30,Rick," What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that
                    nighttime makes up half of all time?"
7874,30,Jerry, Damn it!
7875,30,Beth, Jerry!
7876,30,Jerry, Beth!
7877,30,Summer," Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die."
7878,30,Rick," Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank
                    me later."
7879,30,Jerry,"
glaring at Rick. Okay, with all due respect, Rick— what am I
                    talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes
                    if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole?"
7880,30,Rick," Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your
                    house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but I'll tell you
                    something—tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time.
                        Jerry stares incredulously at him) Buncha people running around,
                        bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, ""two plus two."" The people in
                        the back say, ""four."" Then the—then the bell rings, and they give you a
                        carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or
                        something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know
                        that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue. (wipes his
                        mouth and gets up, stopping behind Beth and putting a hand on her shoulder)
                        This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs.
                        I wish your mother was here to eat them. (Rick gives Beth a kiss and walks
                        away."
7881,30,Beth,"
tears up in happiness. Oh, dad…"
7882,30,Jerry," What? For real? Morty's face slams into his plate again.
"
7883,30,Mr. Goldenfold,"Alright, now, everybody get settled. Get away from the windows!"
7884,30,Mr. Goldenfold,"Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today. You might
                    have heard of it. It's called math? And without it, none of us would even exist,
                    so let's jump right in. Two plus two."
7885,30,All classmates except Morty,"Four.Morty, sitting in the back row, stares at Jessica, who sits in the
                        front row, answering Jessica’s name for the questions."
7886,30,Morty, Jessica.
7887,30,Mr. Goldenfold, Five plus five.
7888,30,All classmates except Morty,Ten.
7889,30,Morty," Jessica. Jessica hears Morty and looks back, confused, not sure who’s
                        saying her name."
7890,30,Mr. Goldenfold,"Okay, good. It's time for the quiz."
7891,30,Class, Awwwwww.
7892,30,Mr. Goldenfold,"Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one. Pass it back for
                    me. The stakes are high in this room. Morty stares at the quiz; the
                        numbers on the quiz jumble together as Morty falls asleep"
7893,30,Jessica," Hi, Morty."
7894,30,Morty," Whoa! Hi, Jessica."
7895,30,Jessica," Can I show these to you? Jessica opens her shirt, showing Morty her
                        breasts."
7896,30,Morty, Wow. Th-they're both great. Thank you!
7897,30,Jessica, You know what I named these? My little Morties.
7898,30,Morty,"
rubs the back of his neck. Uh, that's flattering... and a little
                    weird."
7899,30,Jessica, Do you know what I want you to do with them?
7900,30,Morty, Rename them?
7901,30,Jessica," Squeeze them. Manhandle them. Give them the business. See if you can shuffle
                    them. I mean, really get in there and knock them around. No wrong answers."
7902,30,Morty," Wow. Well, okay, Jessica. L-let's give this a shot. Morty grabs her
                        breasts and starts fondling her."
7903,30,Jessica," Mm. Oh, Morty. What are you doing to me?"
7904,30,Morty," Uh, I-I'm just doing my best. in real life, class has ended and Morty is
                        fondling Mr. Goldenfold."
7905,30,Mr. Goldenfold,Morty! What are you doing to me?!
7906,30,Morty,"
sleep-talking. Ah, Jessica."
7907,30,Mr. Goldenfold,Morty!
7908,30,Morty, Jessica.
7909,30,Mr. Goldenfold,"Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad. leans back and bites his
                        lip."
7910,30,Morty, Je-Jessica. Jessica.
7911,30,Mr. Goldenfold,Not my fault this is happening.
7912,30,Frank,"
Morty is at his locker, where he is confronted by a bully, Frank
                        Palicky."
7913,30,Morty," Uh, morning, Frank."
7914,30,Frank,"
pins Morty to his locker ""Morning""? What was what is that
                    supposed to mean? You making fun of me? Are you trying to say my family's poor?
                        takes out a pocket knife and points it at Morty's neck.
"
7915,30,Morty," Oh, geez, Frank. I don't know if a knife is necessary. I mean, you know, y-you
                    kind of had things handled without it."
7916,30,Frank," You telling me how to bully now? Big mistake, Morty and now I'm gonna cut you,
                    'cause my family's rich. Frank suddenly freezes and Rick steps out from
                        behind him."
7917,30,Rick," There you are, Morty. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different
                    dimension. I need an extra pair of hands."
7918,30,Morty," Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank?"
7919,30,Rick," It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I
                    mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of
                    business. burps. It's important. Come on, Morty."
7920,30,Morty," I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again."
7921,30,Rick," Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What
                    do you think I can just do it all by myself? Come on!"
7922,30,Morty," Aw, geez. Okay. I guess I can skip history. What about Frank? I mean, shouldn't
                    you unfreeze him?"
7923,30,Rick," I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine. Let's go. takes off with Morty
                        and then Summer comes by, seeing Frank's frozen body."
7924,30,Summer,"
in her headOh, my God. I'm about to walk past Frank Palicky. This
                    is the story we'll be telling our children. walks up to Frank and talks
                        to him, oblivious to the fact that he's frozen."
7925,30,Summer," Hi, Frank. Frank's frozen foot breaks and he drops to the ground and
                        shatters into a million pieces, dying."
7926,30,Summer, AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!
7927,30,Beth,"
performing heart surgery on a horse. Scalpel."
7928,30,Davin," Scalpel. Jerry enters the room.
"
7929,30,Jerry," Knock, knock."
7930,30,Beth, Jerry?
7931,30,Jerry," My manager gave me an hour for lunch, and I thought, ""hey, why not swing by
                    where your wife works?"" The heart rate for the horse starts beeping
                        really fast."
7932,30,Tom,"
offscreen) We're losing him. (Beth adjusts the horse's
                    organs."
7933,30,Tom,"
offscreen. Okay, he's back."
7934,30,Beth," Jerry, please tell me you're here for an incredibly urgent reason."
7935,30,Jerry," Well, it's lunch. I mean, it's one of three meals that have existed for
                    millennia. the heart rate starts beeping again.
"
7936,30,Tom,"
offscreen) Losing him. (Beth adjusts the organs again.
"
7937,30,Tom,"
offscreen. Stabilized."
7938,30,Beth," Okay, I only ask, Jerry, because, as you know, my job involves performing heart
                    surgery."
7939,30,Jerry," Well, yeah, on horses."
7940,30,Beth, Excuse me?
7941,30,Jerry," Okay, Let's not rehash that fight. I sense that you're busy and will now be on
                    my way. drops a pamphlet on the ground.
"
7942,30,Jerry," Whoa! What is this on the floor? Some kind of literature for a really
                    nice-looking nursing home. Hey, honey, crazy idea bad pitch let's put your dad
                    here. Let's put your dad in a nursing home. Beth looks at Jerry angrily
                        and the heart hate starts beeping again."
7943,30,Tom,"
offscreen. We're losing him."
7944,30,Beth," Hey, Tom! We know when we're losing him. WE CAN HEAR THE BEEPS!"
7945,30,Rick," There she is. All right. Come on, Morty. Let's go."
7946,30,Morty," Oh, geez, okay. Rick and Morty go through the portal and end up in a
                        crazy alternate dimension."
7947,30,Morty," Oh, man, Rick. What is this place?"
7948,30,Rick," It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special
                    type of tree, Morty, called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and
                    there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're they're
                    incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty."
7949,30,Morty," Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some
                    anxiety about this whole thing."
7950,30,Rick," All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations
                    can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different,
                    but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull
                    that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with
                    them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be—
                        a gigantic alien monster suddenly appears behind them.
"
7951,30,Rick," HOLY CRAP, MORTY RUN!!! they take off, running in complete and total fear
                        as the monster chases them."
7952,30,Rick," I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it
                    is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're
                    gonna die, Morty!"
7953,30,Rick,"
having apparently escaped, they are walking through Dimension 35-C,
                        continuing their adventure."
7954,30,Morty," All right, Rick, look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at
                    school by now?"
7955,30,Rick," Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at
                    that thing right there. a weird looking monster is seen cooing and
                        rolling around on the ground) What the hell is that thing? You think you're
                        gonna see that kind of thing at school? (offscreen) Look at it just
                        lumbering around. (onscreen."
7956,30,Morty," Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason
                    why I want to leave. they come up to a cliff and Rick stops him
                        there."
7957,30,Rick," Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this? he and Morty are looking down
                        upon a vast forest of interdimensional trees."
7958,30,Rick," You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?"
7959,30,Morty, The mega trees?
7960,30,Rick," That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what
                    I'm talking about, Morty. That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what
                    you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with
                    school."
7961,30,Morty," All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?"
7962,30,Rick," You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an
                        burps) under- (burps) underfoot figure. (Rick gives Morty a pair of
                        shoes and Morty proceeds to put them on."
7963,30,Rick," Just take these shoes, Morty. They're burps. special grappling
                    shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just
                    walk on any surface you want, Morty up, down, below, turn around to the left.
                    These things really bring it all together."
7964,30,Morty,"
walks off the cliff and plummets to the ground, screaming and smashing
                        into rocks."
7965,30,Rick," You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on!"
7966,30,Beth," I am not putting my father in a home! He just came back into my life, and you
                    want to grab him and stuff him under a mattress like last month's Victoria's
                    Secret?"
7967,30,Jerry," I told you I was ordering you something for Valentine's Day. More importantly,
                    your father is a horrible influence on our son."
7968,30,Davin," Everything cool in here, Beth?"
7969,30,Beth," It's fine, Davin."
7970,30,Davin," Okay, cool. You know, we did something great today. There's nothing more noble
                    and free than the heart of a horse. Jerry closes the door on
                        Davin."
7971,30,Jerry," Since we're fighting, if you ever have an affair with that guy, I will come to
                    the hotel room and blow my brains out all over your naked bodies."
7972,30,Beth," Look, I appreciate the stress you're under, but Morty was having trouble in
                    school way before my dad moved in, and the only influence I can see Rick having
                    is that, for the first time in his life, Morty has a friend. the phone
                        starts ringing."
7973,30,Jerry,"
sighs. Well, maybe you're right."
7974,30,Beth," Uh, yeah, maybe I am. I'm my father's daughter. I'm smart. Why do you think I'm
                    a heart surgeon?"
7975,30,Jerry,"
coughs) Ahem, Horse heart surgeon. (Beth answers the phone and gets a
                        call from Morty's principal, Gene Vagina."
7976,30,Principal Vagina,"Hello? Mrs. Smith? This is Principal Vagina, no relation. I wonder if you and
                    Morty's father might be able to have a chat with me this afternoon?"
7977,30,Rick,"
standing by Morty, who is lying on the ground with his legs broken)
                        Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on (offscreen) your legs right now. You
                        know, you got to turn (onscreen."
7978,30,Morty," I'm in a lot of pain, Rick!"
7979,30,Rick," Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect
                    my seeds, Morty?"
7980,30,Morty," Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe
                    this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me
                    about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like
                    Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something."
7981,30,Rick," Okay, hold on just a second, Morty. opens another portal and leaves Morty
                        behind, lying on the ground to suffer for a few seconds."
7982,30,Morty," Ooh! Ohh! Ooh! Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh! Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh! Rick finally
                        returns and injects Morty's legs with medicine, healing them to
                        perfection."
7983,30,Morty," Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I
                    mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you."
7984,30,Rick," Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right,
                    buddy?"
7985,30,Morty," Sure thing, Rick. goes up the tree and gets the Mega Fruit while Rick
                        talks to him."
7986,30,Rick," Not that you asked, Morty, but what just happened there is I went into a future
                    dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every
                    corner drugstore. offscreen. The stuff was all over the place,
                    Morty."
7987,30,Morty," Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick."
7988,30,Rick," There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was
                    so advanced, that burps) they had also halted the aging process, and
                        everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only
                        old person there, Morty. (burps."
7989,30,Morty, What?!
7990,30,Rick," It's as good as garbage, Morty. It's not gonna work anymore, Morty."
7991,30,Morty," Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do? I-I have to be back at
                    school right now. How are we gonna get back home?"
7992,30,Rick," There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit
                    of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're
                    gonna have to do me a real solid."
7993,30,Morty, Uh-oh.
7994,30,Rick," When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the
                    bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your butthole,
                    Morty."
7995,30,Morty, In my butt?
7996,30,Rick," Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit."
7997,30,Morty," Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that."
7998,30,Rick," Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through
                    customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty"
7999,30,Morty, Uuuh.
8000,30,Rick," And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I
                    mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal
                    cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y-
                        burps. you've got to put these seeds inside your butt."
8001,30,Morty, In my butt?
8002,30,Rick," Come on, Morty. Please, Morty. You have to do it, Morty."
8003,30,Morty," Oh, man."
8004,30,Principal Vagina,"The fact is, your son, Morty, has attended this school for a total of seven hours
                    over the last two months."
8005,30,Beth, What? Why didn't you notify us?
8006,30,Principal Vagina,"I done been notifying you. Have you not been getting the messages I've been
                    leaving with Morty's grandfather?"
8007,30,Jerry," Boom! Told you! In your face! He is ruining our child! Wait, what am I
                    celebrating?"
8008,30,Principal Vagina,"Yeah, see, I thought something was fishy there, because it's usually Morty's
                    grandpa that's taking him out of school. they stop to see Summer and some
                        other students, crying at an obituary for Frank."
8009,30,Beth, Summer?
8010,30,Summer,"
sobs. What kind of God lets this happen?"
8011,30,Principal Vagina,"We had a little incident. A student was frozen to death. chuckles.
                    And there's no evidence that a Latino student did it! Everyone wants to take
                    this to a racial place. I won't let them."
8012,30,Announcer, The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
8013,30,Alien," So, I told him, ""give me the blimfarx,"" you know? This-this guy he doesn't
                    understand interstellar currency."
8014,30,Alien," It's, like, I'm trying to eat a flimflam like, that's what we eat on
                    Girvonesk."
8015,30,Announcer, The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only.
8016,30,Rick,"
Morty comes up to him, who is waiting in line to get through
                        security."
8017,30,Morty," Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are
                    pointy. They hurt."
8018,30,Rick," That means they're good ones. You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are
                    super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to
                    do a-"
8019,30,Gromflomite," Okay, next through. stops Morty. Except you. You go over
                    there."
8020,30,Rick, Why does he have to go over there?
8021,30,Gromflomite, Random check. He's got to go through the new machine.
8022,30,Rick, What new- burps. what new machine?
8023,30,Gromflomite, It's a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt.
8024,30,Rick," Run, Morty! Run! grabs Morty and they run through security and dart for
                        the exit."
8025,30,Morty, Aaaaaah!
8026,30,Gromfomite," Red alert! team of Gromflomites starts chasing after Rick and
                        Morty."
8027,30,Morty," Ohhhhh! Rick pushes over a giant capsule, with an alien fetus over,
                        smashing some Gromflomites, to slow them down."
8028,30,Morty," Ohhhhhh! an alien is seen smoking a hookah and Morty runs past him and
                        accidentally inhales the smoke from the hookah while Rick comes from behind
                        and slaps the alien in the face, causing the alien to cry; he then coughs up
                        a life form from the smoke and the lifeform starts running through the glarp
                        zone and goes through the entire aging process from developing fetus to
                        decomposing corpse, over the course of three seconds."
8029,30,Morty, Aaaaah!
8030,30,Rick," Don't think about it! he and Morty are cornered but Morty activates the
                        grappling shoes and runs up the wall with Rick."
8031,30,Rick," Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher. the Gromflomites
                        reveal that they can fly and then Rick and Morty start running
                    away."
8032,30,Morty," Whoooooo! he and Rick run through the equipment on the ceiling, before
                        they slip off to the ground."
8033,30,Alien," Aah! Aw, hell, no, dawg. You know me I'm just trying to— Rick and Morty
                        crash to the ground and he dies; they then run to the portal
                        computer."
8034,30,Rick," I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me. he
                        tosses Morty a gun."
8035,30,Morty," Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody."
8036,30,Rick," They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots!
                        Morty shoots a Glenn, blowing his leg off, and making blood gush out
                        as he drops down in pain."
8037,30,Glenn, Aaaaah! My leg is shot off!
8038,30,Other Gromflomite,Glenn's bleeding to death! Someone call his wife and children!
8039,30,Morty," They're not robots, Rick!"
8040,30,Rick," It's a figure of speech, Morty. They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just
                    keep shooting, Morty. You have no idea what prison is like here! Morty
                        continues shooting the Gromflomites and even kills some innocent bystanders
                        while Rick hacks into the portal to take them back home."
8041,30,Morty," Holy crap! This is insane! Rick opens the portal and takes Morty in with
                        him."
8042,30,Rick," Come on, Morty! We got to get the hell out of here! the portal opens up
                        in the lunchroom at school and Rick and Morty land on the table where
                        Jessica and her friends are eating."
8043,30,Jessica, Wow. Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?
8044,30,Morty," Uh, yeah. Well, you know, my-my Ferrari's in the shop. nervously
                        laughs."
8045,30,Jessica," You're Morty, right?"
8046,30,Morty," Yeah. Rick grabs Morty and takes him way.
"
8047,30,Rick," You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got
                    to get those seeds out of your ass. Rick and Morty are stopped by Jerry,
                        Beth, and Principal Vagina."
8048,30,Jerry," Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche."
8049,30,Beth, What?
8050,30,Jerry," I'm an angry father, not an improviser."
8051,30,Rick," Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We
                    talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this
                    behavior... No? No takers? Rick and Morty are back at home in the garage
                        while Jerry and Beth start taking all his things and packing them up so he
                        can move to the nursing home."
8052,30,Rick," You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your
                    reasoning."
8053,30,Jerry, You're beyond our reasoning!
8054,30,Rick, Takes one to know one.
8055,30,Beth," Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's
                    not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in
                    someone else's."
8056,30,Rick, What what are you guys doing with my stuff?
8057,30,Beth, We're moving you to a nursing home.
8058,30,Rick," A nursing home? What are what are you, nuts? I'm a genius. I build robots for
                    fun."
8059,30,Jerry," Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and mentally
                    scar the Boy Scouts every Christmas."
8060,30,Beth, What does that mean?
8061,30,Jerry, It's personal.
8062,30,Morty," Dad, mom, come on. Rick just needed my help is all."
8063,30,Jerry," Morty, stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these
                    situations on your own."
8064,30,Rick, What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something?
8065,30,Beth," Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child
                    that needs to be missing classes."
8066,30,Rick," I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can can can you be a little bit more
                    specific?"
8067,30,Jerry," Oh, for crying out—he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what
                    you want us to say?"
8068,30,Morty, I do?
8069,30,Jerry," Well, duh doy, son. Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast
                    as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work
                    twice as hard."
8070,30,Morty," Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once."
8071,30,Rick," Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi."
8072,30,Morty," Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't."
8073,30,Rick," The square root of Pi, Morty. Go!"
8074,30,Morty, 1.77245385... Whoa!
8075,30,Beth, What the hell?
8076,30,Jerry,"
checks Morty's answer with calculator. Holy crap. He's right."
8077,30,Rick," Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics."
8078,30,Morty," ""The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of
                    heat supplied to the system."" Wow! I'm so smart!"
8079,30,Jerry, But—
8080,30,Rick," I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's
                    a gifted child. He has a special mind. That's why he's my little helper. He's
                    like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too
                    smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me."
8081,30,Beth," Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop."
8082,30,Jerry," No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to
                    school."
8083,30,Rick," Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no?
                    You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us,
                    from now on, it's gonna be clear communication. Summer butts in, crying
                        over the death of Frank."
8084,30,Summer,"
crying. Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!"
8085,30,Rick," No idea what you're talking about. Summer leaves, crying.
"
8086,30,Jerry," Okay. Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night
                    again. This is good, though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now,
                    Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you."
8087,30,Beth," You know what? Okay. she and Jerry leave.
"
8088,30,Morty," Holy cow, Rick. I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter."
8089,30,Rick," Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side
                    effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity."
8090,30,Morty," Aw, man."
8091,30,Rick," Yeah, and once those seeds wear off, you're gonna lose most of your motor
                    skills, and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of brain functionality
                    for 72 hours, Morty. Starting right about now."
8092,30,Morty," Ohh, man. losing consciousness) Oh, geez! Ohh. (drops to the ground and
                        starts moaning as he has a seizure."
8093,30,Rick," I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come and I
                    needed those seeds real bad, and I had to give them up just to get your parents
                    off my back, so now we're gonna have to go get more adventures. excitedly
                        looks down upon him, telling him about their future adventures."
8094,30,News Anchor,": In local news, child murderer Joseph Eli Lipnip is scheduled to die tomorrow by lethal injection, his execution already drawing dozens more spectators than the death of TV news. Carla?"
8095,30,Carla Johnson,: The man that once ate his own son 
8096,30,Beth,: Wow. He’s really getting executed after all this time. You know the son that he ate was -- 
8097,30,Summer,: Your best friend -- Tommy. We know. Stop true-crime bragging.
8098,30,Beth,":I was traumatized, Summer. Okay, your generation wouldn’t get that."
8099,30,Summer,":  Bitch, my generation gets traumatized for breakfast."
8100,30,Beth,":  It took years of therapy to even process the reality. I mean, when I was a kid, I just told myself that Tommy had gotten lost in the magical realm of Froopyland."
8101,30,Summer,":""Froopyland?"" "
8102,30,Beth,": My make-believe world.  I know the name’s stupid, but it was so real to me."
8103,30,Rick,:  Aren’t you guys supposed to be at your father’s for custody weekend?
8104,30,Morty,:We’re not in a hurry. Dad sleeps until sundown. Can we talk a little bit more about this Froopy--
8105,30,Summer,:Not the bubble gun! There’s no air -- 
8106,30,Beth,":I gotta say, I am warming up to the bubble gun."
8107,30,Rick,": You know, if you’re so great at naming things, why don’t you do it from now on? "
8108,30,Beth,:-What? 
8109,30,Rick,":-Froopyland. Was it my best work? I don’t know. Does it deserve to be shit on creatively? Yeah, that’s right. I agree with your look of horrified realization. You can be very inconsiderate sometimes."
8110,30,Rick,":[ Rattling ] [ Grunting ] Here it is. You know, I collapsed a quantum tesseract to "
8111,30,Beth,": -- Dad, I don’t care how you made it. I want to know if Tommy’s still in there!"
8112,30,Rick,":  Relax, Beth. (draws door on wall) [ Jingling, crackling)  If he is, we’ll find him. He’ll be the only sun-bleached skeleton with non-imaginary DNA."
8113,30,Beth,:  Tommy! Tommy! This is a nightmare. I can’t believe you used to lock me up in this glorified chicken coop.
8114,30,Rick,":  Chicken coop? Those are procedurally generated clouds, Beth. That river is a rainbow. Literally. Come on, I-I-I put real elbow grease into this place."
8115,30,Beth,":  Well, you’re supposed to put elbow grease into your daughter!"
8116,30,Rick,:Gross.
8117,30,Beth,:  Do you think something ate him?
8118,30,Rick,: Nope. Froopyland creatures were designed to be harmless. He definitely just starved to death.
8119,30,Beth,:  I could have been the one who starved to death in here. What if I’d gotten hurt?
8120,30,Rick,":God, you’re right. I’m a terrible dad. Well, nothing to live for. Goodbye, cruel world! (jumps off cliff)"
8121,30,Beth,: Dad! 
8122,30,Rick,":[ Thump ] Oh, how do you like that? What kind of merciless creator makes the ground bouncy? I’m gonna have to drown myself."
8123,30,Beth,": [Jumps, Thump ] Unh!"
8124,30,Rick,":(sticks head in water)  Oh, no. Oh, the water’s breathable? Who went and did that?"
8125,30,Beth,":Oh, whatever."
8126,30,Rick,":Yeah, whatever. A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2, and it breaks the front page of Reddit, but I’m Charles Manson because I gave you your own world instead of an iPad. I think the words you’re looking for are -- Aah! [Gets grabbed by a raptor. Screeches ] Holy [bleep] [Bleep] This thing has claws!"
8127,30,Beth,":Yeah, I get it. It’s a childproof world."
8128,30,Rick,":   No, no, seriously, this hurts really bad! This thing is sinking razor-sharp claws in -- Aah! [Bleep]"
8129,30,Beth,": You’ve made your point, Dad. Dad? "
8130,30,Morty,:Ugh!
8131,30,Summer,:   Whose idea was this stupid custody weekend thing?
8132,30,Morty,: I think it’s supposed to help prevent abandonment issues.
8133,30,Summer,:   I want to be abandoned.
8134,30,Morty,":   Yeah, I’m talking about Dad."
8135,30,Jerry,:   [ Door opens ] Bienvenue a la Chez Divorced Dad.
8136,30,Summer,":   Wow, Dad. Your place looks way less like a crackhouse."
8137,30,Morty,":  It’s actually clean, like a cocaine house. Dad, what’s going on?"
8138,30,Jerry,":  I’m simply centered, activated -- [ Glass clinks, Warble ]
"
8139,30,Morty,:And telekinetic?
8140,30,Jerry,":  Pretty cool, huh? Check it out. Who wants a smoothie? [ Rattle, Blender whirring ] Oh -- Oh, no. Uh, oh, God. Summer -- Summer, can you --"
8141,30,Summer,:-Aah!
8142,30,Jerry,:  -Sorry.
8143,30,Kiara,":   [ Warble ] You have much to learn, my Uloo."
8144,30,Jerry,":   Morty, Summer, this is Kiara. She’s a Krootabulan warrior priestess from Krootabulon."
8145,30,Morty,":   I-I know where Krootabulans are from, Dad. Uh, Chaimuntolo."
8146,30,Kiara,":    Chaimuntolo, younglings."
8147,30,Summer,:  Hymencholo.
8148,30,Kiara,: Your father’s mind holds love for you. I am humbled to meet in physicality.
8149,30,Summer,":   Dad, are you "
8150,30,Jerry,":-- In love with a badass, sexy alien lady? Ha, ha, I don’t know, Summer. You tell me."
8151,30,Summer,:  I wasn’t going to ask if you were in love since you barely know her.
8152,30,Jerry,:   Summer. Kiara and I met on that interstellar dating service Rick was always suggesting when your mom and I were together. And things just kind of clicked.
8153,30,Kiara,:   We must move! Our reservation is at 7:00.
8154,30,Jerry,":  [ Whoosh ] I hate to see her leave, but I love to watch her phase shift away. I’m sure you noticed what she has three of, but guess what she has two of?"
8155,30,Rick,":   [ Screeches ] Oof! All right, knock it off! Listen, I’ve been giving you a pass because I’m charmed that life finds a way, but -- Aah! All right, you know what? [ Ray gun fires ] Ouch! Oh! Unh! Ouch! God! [ Sizzling ] Aah! Agh! [ Arm clicks ]
"
8156,30,Beth,":  Oh, yeah, this place is the safest.    Best dad ever. Can’t you just say, ""I admit it, I screwed up""?"
8157,30,Rick,":   Uh, what would be the point of that?"
8158,30,Beth,": [ Chuckling ] You can’t do it, can you? You can’t just [bleep] apologize."
8159,30,Rick,":   Okay, okay, Beth, I’m sorry you think you deserve an apology. [raptor Screeches ] Hey, don’t look at me. You let your kid roll around on the floor of a target, it’s gonna get stepped on. [raptor Screeches, Whir, zap ] Huh. Well, here’s the problem right here. We’ve got a bunch of Froopyland procedural carbons all gummed up and mixed in with real human DNA."
8160,30,Beth,":  Are you saying Tommy survived here by having sex with Froopy creatures, creating Froopy-human hybrid offspring, and then consuming their proteins, sustaining himself with an endless cycle of cannibalistic incest?"
8161,30,Rick,":  It’s just a working theory. Of course, if that’s the case, I expect he’d be worshiped as a kind of god by a medieval-level society of his least-delicious children."
8162,30,Lead Froopy Creature,":  Halt! You are now prisoners of our exalted ruler, giver and taker of life, helper and consumer of mortality, dispenser of life"
8163,30,Rick,":-- Yeah, if I could interrupt? We’re way ahead of the reveal here."
8164,30,Beth,":  Yeah, just take us to King Tommy."
8165,30,Morty,:   I thought warrior priestesses could only leave Krootabulon on a hunt.
8166,30,Jerry,":   Mmm. Thank you, sweetie."
8167,30,Morty,:   I hope it’s not human season.
8168,30,Kiara,:   I’m on Earth hunting the Varrix. I would never hunt a human. Your father and I are soul-bonded.
8169,30,Morty,:   Soul-bonded?
8170,30,Summer,": Um, does your planet have shorter days, because you guys are moving kind of fast, no?"
8171,30,Kiara,": Sniff [ Dramatic music plays, Whoosh, Varrix alien waiter reveal]
"
8172,30,Jerry,":  Go get him, honey! She’s always hunting. [ Chuckles ] She probably knew a Varrix worked here, and that’s why she said the Yelp reviews didn’t matter."
8173,30,Morty,":   Dad, do you understand how serious Krootabulon soul-bonding is?"
8174,30,Jerry,":  Uh, gee, Morty, I don’t know. It’s got such a casual name. If you want to lecture anyone about commitment, start with your mom."
8175,30,Summer,":  Oh, my God. Dad, is that what this is about? Are you rushing into a new thing to get back at Mom?"
8176,30,Jerry,":   Every weekend, you two have told me to move on."
8177,30,Summer,":   Move on, like, out of bed. Like, stop using paper towels for toilet paper, not move on into a sloppy rebound."
8178,30,Morty,":   Dad, you need to slow down, rethink this soul bond."
8179,30,Jerry,":   Why don’t you just say what you really mean? You think it’s cool that having sex with her gives me telekinesis and you recognize she’s got a hot bod like Cheetara in ""Thundercats,"" but you’re grossed out by her avocado-shaped head and blue skin, and you think I want to put a bag and a wig on her head. After all the time and energy I spent teaching you two about race [ Varrix screams ] you ended up racist."
8180,30,Kiara,":   [ Whoosh ] Soon your world will be rid of Varrix. Tomorrow, we celebrate."
8181,30,Jerry,:  We could take the kids to the water park.
8182,30,Kiara,:   We celebrate with a hunt!
8183,30,Jerry,:  Ooh. You kids want to hunt?
8184,30,Morty,: -Yes.
8185,30,Summer,:  -Yes.
8186,30,Offspring creature,:    All kneel for King Tommy!
8187,30,Rick,:  I’m not kneeling. Suck my [bleep]
8188,30,Tommy,":   Well, hello, all! I am the King of Froopyland, but I go by another name, too."
8189,30,Beth,:   We know.
8190,30,Tommy,:   It’s Tommy!
8191,30,Beth,: -We know.
8192,30,Rick,:   -We know.
8193,30,Tommy,:   I have lived here since I was a mere child.
8194,30,Beth,:   -We know.
8195,30,Rick,:   -Got it.
8196,30,Tommy,":   I suppose you’re wondering, how do I sustain myself?"
8197,30,Rick,":     -Oh, boy."
8198,30,Beth,":   -No, we aren’t."
8199,30,Tommy,:   I always find the theater is the best way to clarify things.
8200,30,Beth,:   -Ugh.
8201,30,Rick,:   -Seriously?
8202,30,Beth,":  Oh, my God."
8203,30,Tommy,":   Players, go!"
8204,30,Little Tommy,:  I am little Tommy.
8205,30,Tiny Beth,:   I am tiny Beth.
8206,30,Beth,":  Oh, come on."
8207,30,Tiny Beth,:  Come with me to a magic land.
8208,30,Froopy Voice,:Don’t do it!
8209,30,Tiny Beth,:  This is my secret Froopyland where I have no rules!
8210,30,Little Tommy,:  I am excited.
8211,30,Tiny Beth,:  I am jealous of Tommy’s friends and his Nintendo and his dad who likes him.
8212,30,Rick,:   I take it Tommy wasn’t class playwright.
8213,30,Tiny Beth,:  You want to see the Honey Swamp?
8214,30,Little Tommy,:  Yes! Let’s do it!
8215,30,Tiny Beth,":  Well, I want to see you dead."
8216,30,Little Tommy,":  Ow, help! I’m stuck! I’m covered in honey."
8217,30,Rick,":   Huh. Well, that’s interesting."
8218,30,Beth,:   Fake news.
8219,30,Little Tommy,":  Many nights have passed, trapped in this strange land. I am hungry, and all I can do to pass the time is hump. I will hump this rock. [ Tapping ] I will hump this tree. [ Tapping ] I will hump this beast of the land and put my seed in it.[ Tapping ]
"
8220,30,Little Offspring,: I am the first of Tommy’s children. Eat of my flesh so you may survive.
8221,30,Little Tommy,:  And so I did.
8222,30,Rick,":   Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah. Certified fresh. Good -- Good job."
8223,30,Tommy,":   Perhaps a demonstration is in order.[ Unzips shorts ]
"
8224,30,Beth,":   No, that is the last thing that is in order! Ugh. Oh, my God."
8225,30,Rick,:   Poor Froopy character. Leave him alone.
8226,30,Tommy,":   [ Shorts zip ] Ahh. Gather round, gang! [ Moos ] Dinner time. [ Splorch ]
"
8227,30,Rick,":   All right, that’s it. I’m outta here."
8228,30,Beth,:   What are you doing? We’re in the middle of an adventure.
8229,30,Rick,":   Here’s some things an adventure needs, Beth. Conflict, stakes, a way for me to benefit, and, clearly, Morty."
8230,30,Beth,":   But Tommy’s still in there, raping Muppets and eating babies."
8231,30,Rick,":   Yep. Luckily, that’s not our problem. Time to pull the plug."
8232,30,Beth,":   Pull the plug? We have to get Tommy out of there, okay? We -- We need to do the right thing. Do what you never did as a dad -- Put in a little effort."
8233,30,Rick,":   All right, cut the high-road routine. We both saw Tommy’s shitty play. You pushed him in the Honey Swamp, Beth. His very happy life is in your hands. You go save him from it."
8234,30,Beth,:   [ Scoffs ] You’re gonna believe a play over your own daughter?
8235,30,Rick,": Yes, I am, Beth, because you’re not my own daughter."
8236,30,Beth,":   Oh, God, yes. I’m one of infinite Beths with infinite fathers in infinite universes. It’s called a hug, Dad. It won’t kill you."
8237,30,Rick,":   Yeah, don’t be so sure. You know why all Ricks made a Froopyland for all their little girls? Same reason I wasn’t surprised by Tommy’s overwritten, badly structured, cheaply produced flashback. You were a scary [bleep] kid, man."
8238,30,Beth,":   [ Scoffing ] Oh, my God."
8239,30,Rick,":   I didn’t make Froopyland to get rid of you, Beth. I did it to protect the neighborhood. Not in a [burps] noble sense. It was just more practical to sequester you before I had to start, you know, cloning a replacement for every less-than-polite little boy or gullible animal that might cross your socio-path."
8240,30,Beth,:   You would rather believe I’m evil than admit that you were a bad father?
8241,30,Rick,":  Oh, dude, no. No, bad father all the way to the max over here. I’m a [bleep] nutcase. And the acorn plopped straight down, baby. Look at some of this shit you were asking me to make you as a kid. Ray guns. A whip that forces people to like you. Invisibility cuffs, a parent trap, a lightning gun, a teddy bear with anatomically correct innards, night-vision googly-eye glasses, sound-erasing sneakers, false fingerprints, fall-asleep darts, a lie-detecting doll, an indestructible baseball bat, a Taser shaped like a ladybug, a fake police badge, location-tracking stickers (time = 10:55 -5.243, 47.394, rainbow-colored duct tape, mind-control hair clips, poison gum, a pink, sentient switchblade."
8242,30,Pink Sentient Switchblade,":   Hi, Beth, you’ve gotten taller. Shall we resume stabbing?"
8243,30,Beth,":   Has it occurred to you that I asked you to make those things because I wanted you to spend time with me? Has it occurred to you that if I did try killing Tommy, it might be because I was jealous of his family?"
8244,30,Rick,":   Wait, what? Why? Wasn’t his dad, like, some kind of cannibal? Seems like it must be hereditary."
8245,30,Beth,":   Oh, my God. This is your fault. I am not a bad person. I’m gonna go back in there, I’m getting Tommy, and I’m fixing this!"
8246,30,Rick,":   Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin. [ Jingling ] I don’t know why I just said that. Doesn’t make a lot of sense, but gotta stand by it. Whatever you say, Stone Cold Steve Austin. I’m owning it."
8247,30,Morty,":No, Dad! You’re not doing it right! [ Ax swings ]
"
8248,30,Jerry,: Cutting off their heads isn’t doing it right?
8249,30,Morty,: They’re [grunts] clearly regenerative! I-I think you have to stab them through the heart or something.
8250,30,Summer,":  You think or you know? I thought you were the alien expert, Isaac Asi-hole."
8251,30,Morty,:  Don’t snap at me! I’m tired!
8252,30,Summer,": -Me, too!"
8253,30,Jerry,": -We’re all tired! [ Ax swings, Whoosh, Grunts ]
"
8254,30,Kiara,":  That’s the last of them. Tonight, we celebrate."
8255,30,Jerry,:   With a hunt?
8256,30,Kiara,": Yes, for tomorrow, we hunt."
8257,30,Jerry,":   [ Rain trickling, Clears throat ] I, uh, really have to get out of this soul bond."
8258,30,Summer,:   -What the [bleep] Dad?
8259,30,Morty,":   -Oh, my God! Duh!"
8260,30,Summer,:   -Obviously!
8261,30,Morty,":   -Yeah, no kidding!"
8262,30,Jerry,: Can you guys help me?
8263,30,Morty,:   What? How?
8264,30,Jerry,":   Can I just, uh, tell her it’s because of my kids? You know, like, you don’t like the shape of her head, or"
8265,30,Summer,":   -- That’s you, Dad! That’s you! You’re a baby and an idiot!"
8266,30,Jerry,":   I think that’s been established, Summer. Now help me!"
8267,30,Summer,":   First, I want you to admit that you’re a closet racist, a beta-male sexist, and you dragged everyone into a horrible situation by only thinking of yourself."
8268,30,Jerry,:  Okay.
8269,30,Summer,:  I want to hear you say it.
8270,30,Jerry,":  [ Sighs deeply ] Look, I’m a closeted racist, and I’m sexist and selfish, and I dragged us all into my sexist, racist bad things because I’m stupid."
8271,30,Summer,:   Thank you.
8272,30,Jerry,":   Now you’re gonna help me, right?"
8273,30,Morty,:  She just did.
8274,30,Summer,":   Yeah, clean up your own mess."
8275,30,Jerry,":   Wait, wait, what? Oh, man."
8276,30,Tommy,":All right, everybody. Next item on the docket -- I would like to have sex with some of you, and then eat the babies. [ Froopys murmuring ] I thought you’d like that. I do keep rolling out the hits, don’t I? [ Bang beth slams door open ] Oh! It’s the Magic Crayon Lady! Are you hungry? I was just about to make dinner. And by ""make dinner,"" I mean"
8277,30,Beth,":  -- Tommy, I’m going to take you to the real world."
8278,30,Tommy,":   Well, this is the real world."
8279,30,Beth,":   No, you don’t understand! Your dad -- Uh, people think your dad ate you!"
8280,30,Tommy,:  So? You doy-oy! People should eat people. Just leave me alone!
8281,30,Beth,":   Tommy, you don’t understand. I have to make this right because it’s my fault that you’re in here. I’m Beth."
8282,30,Tommy,:    -Beth? -The destroyer! 
8283,30,Beth,":   Oh, suck it up, Princess Incest. You fell into some honey."
8284,30,Tommy,":   Well, it tends to happen when one is pushed into honey."
8285,30,Beth,:   I respect your right to believe I pushed you.
8286,30,Tommy,":   Oh, do I get to have that? Is my reality like a little side of fries -- a little Kwanzaa you’re willing to slide my way?"
8287,30,Beth,":  Yes, because I’m focused on saving your father’s life because I’m not a petty piece of [bleep]"
8288,30,Tommy,":  So, then, it should be pretty easy to say, ""Sorry I pushed you."""
8289,30,Beth,":   Real easy and not necessary, since you coming home will save your dad’s life whereas nothing is changed by anyone stroking your batshit-crazy ego."
8290,30,Tommy,":   Sorry, forgive me. Uh, I’ve been in Froopyland for quite a while. Have apologies changed?"
8291,30,Beth,":   Tommy, I’m sorry you think you deserve an apology. Oh, my God. I’m my father."
8292,30,Tommy,":   Uh, will someone just kill this B-word? "
8293,30,Beth,":  [ Grunts ] Hi-ya! Oh, my God. I’m my father! Ya! Ooh! "
8294,30,Pink Sentient Switchblade,:It’s stab time!
8295,30,Froopies,: Ooh!
8296,30,Math Teacher,": And that’s why one pussy plus two pussies makes a bunch of pussies. Come on, y’all, I’m trying to make this appealing to your sex-addicted lifestyles."
8297,30,Jerry,":   Hi, I need to pull Morty out of school. Come on, Morty."
8298,30,Bully,":   Ha! You heard your daddy, Morty. you have to leave school. Wait, what are my values?"
8299,30,Summer,": Dad, what’s going on?"
8300,30,Jerry,:  We’re going to Alaska.
8301,30,Morty,:  What? Why?
8302,30,Jerry,": It’s nice there. Also, I broke up with Kiara, and she didn’t take it well, and she wants to murder you two."
8303,30,Morty,:  What? Th-Then why are we walking?
8304,30,Jerry,:I’m walking because I’m tired. You guys should definitely run.
8305,30,Kiara,":   [ Screams, Thud ] Excuse me, I just -- You know what? I’m -- I’m just gonna go left. No, okay, your left, that’s fine. Do you know what left is, ‘cause -- Ugh!"
8306,30,Morty,":  What does your breakup have to do with us? [ Engine starts ]
"
8307,30,Summer,":  Yeah, we chose Mom hands down. I thought we made that clear at the lawyer’s office and in the comments under your weird rant on Facebook."
8308,30,Jerry,":  [ Crash, Tires squeal ] She kind of blames you guys for the breakup."
8309,30,Summer,:  -Why?
8310,30,Morty,:-Why?
8311,30,Jerry,:  Because I told her it was your fault.
8312,30,Summer,:  -What?!
8313,30,Morty,:-What?!
8314,30,Jerry,":  Look, I’m not an evil person. I’m just not very imaginative! [ Warbling, Grunts, Metal twisting ] Oh! [ All scream ]
"
8315,30,Rick,":Doo-doo butt Doo-doo-doo -- doo-doo butt No. [ Jingling ] Doo-doo butt, doo-doo butt"
8316,30,Beth,:  Hey.
8317,30,Rick,:  Hey.
8318,30,Beth,":   Um, hmm, so just, like, out of curiosity, if you were gonna make a clone of Tommy, what would you need to get started?"
8319,30,Rick,:   I don’t kn-- Tommy’s DNA?
8320,30,Beth,":  Okay, ‘cause he, um Yeah, he didn’t want to come back, so, um, he gave me this."
8321,30,Rick,:   He gave you his finger?
8322,30,Beth,":   Uh, well, what happened is"
8323,30,Rick,: -- It’s okay. It doesn’t matter.
8324,30,Beth,:   Okay.
8325,30,Rick,:  This’ll take about three hours.
8326,30,Beth,:   Okay.
8327,30,Rick,:   Hey. You want to help?
8328,30,Beth,:  Okay.
8329,30,Beth,:   I am wiped out.  I guess I’ll turn in.
8330,30,Rick,:   Cool.
8331,30,Beth,:   Dad? I feel like I’ve spent my life pretending you’re a great guy and trying to be like you. And the ugly truth has always been
8332,30,Rick,: -- That I’m not that great a guy and you’re exactly like me.
8333,30,Beth,:   Am I evil?
8334,30,Rick,": Worse. You’re smart.  When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I’ve never met a universe that was into it. The universe is basically an animal. It grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots just to eat them, not unlike your friend Timmy."
8335,30,Beth,:   Tommy.
8336,30,Rick,":   Yeah, it hardly matters now, sweetie. You know, smart people get a chance to climb on top, take reality for a ride, but it’ll never stop trying to throw you. And, eventually, it will. There’s no other way off."
8337,30,Beth,":   Dad, I’m out of excuses to not be who I am. So who am I? What do I do?"
8338,30,Rick,:  My advice -- Take off. Put a saddle on your universe. Let it kick itself out.
8339,30,Beth,":   I can’t do that. The kids, Jerry, my job, and, as much as I hate to admit it, ABC’s ""The Bachelor."" "
8340,30,Rick,": I can make a clone of you, a perfect instance of you, with all your memories. An exact copy in every way. It’ll love and provide for the kids, do your job, and consume broadcast-network reality TV on the same allegedly ironic level as you. You could be gone a day, a week, or the rest of your life with zero consequences. The moment you decide to come back, I flip a switch, and the clone’s job is done. It feels no pain, it regrets nothing, and has zero chance of going ""Blade Runner."""
8341,30,Beth,":  If nothing matters, why would you do that for me?"
8342,30,Rick,":  I don’t know, maybe you matter so little that I like you. Or maybe it makes you matter. Maybe I love you. Maybe something about your mother. Don’t jump a gift shark in the mouth."
8343,30,Beth,:  I don’t know if I can do it.
8344,30,Rick,":  Then stay, and luxuriate in a life you can finally know you’ve chosen. My secret bonus is that no matter what you choose, you’re finally gonna chill the [bleep] out."
8345,30,Beth,:  Okay. I know what I want to do.
8346,30,Kiara,:  [ Whoosh ] Aah! [ Thud ] Ow! You can’t run forever!
8347,30,Summer,:  She’s really pissed off.
8348,30,Jerry,:   I know. It’s kinda hot.
8349,30,Summer,:  Shut up!
8350,30,Varrix,:  The hunters! They’re back! Run!
8351,30,Morty,:  -We’re not hunters.
8352,30,Summer,:   -We want to hide with you.
8353,30,Varrix,:  We’re not hiding. We’re nesting.
8354,30,Morty,:  Ooh la la.
8355,30,Kiara,:   [ All scream ] The children must be destroyed so that we can be together.
8356,30,Summer,":   You need to break up with her, Dad -- properly! [ Whoosh ] God damn it, Dad! [ Grunts ] Dump her!"
8357,30,Jerry,":   Okay, okay. Kiara, let’s just run away."
8358,30,Summer,:  -Dad!
8359,30,Morty,:-Come on!
8360,30,Summer,:  Just rip the Band-Aid off!
8361,30,Jerry,":   Okay! Kiara, when I told you my kids were bigoted racists who were demanding I break up with you, I lied. If anybody deserves to be telekinetically strangled, it’s me. I’m the one who wants to break up. I -- I’m not an evil person. I’m lazy, I’m cowardly, and -- and I do not know what I’m doing. Look, I got someone pregnant at 17. We’re getting a divorce. None of this is on purpose. I was excited to date someone cool because it would make my ex notice me."
8362,30,Kiara,":  I would expect nothing less from humanity -- a selfish, manipulative, dishonest species that"
8363,30,Trandor,:-- -Kiara?
8364,30,Kiara,:  -Trandor!
8365,30,Trandor,:  What are you doing here?
8366,30,Kiara,:  Just hunting.
8367,30,Trandor,:   Do you really expect me to believe it has nothing to do with us? You knew Earth was my domain.
8368,30,Kiara,:   I don’t like what you’re insinuating.
8369,30,Summer,":  Dad, can we go now?"
8370,30,Jerry,:  Hold on a second. I’m starting to get the feeling that I was the rebound.
8371,30,Morty,":   Dad, you just got handed an Ex Machina. You’re taking it."
8372,30,Trandor,":   Varrix nests spread across 300 galaxies, and you just happened to pick this planet to hunt? That’s Gorgon shit -- total Gorgon shit!"
8373,30,Summer,: We’re home!
8374,30,Beth,": Hey, guys!"
8375,30,Summer,: What’s for dinner?
8376,30,Beth,: How was Jerry’s?
8377,30,Summer,:     The usual. Can we have pizza?
8378,30,Beth,:  Pizza sounds great.
8379,30,Morty,":  Hey, Rick, did you know my dad was dating an alien? No."
8380,30,Rick,:  Gross.: For the alien.
8381,30,Beth,":  Aw, crap, I think Arnaldo’s is closed. Are you guys sure you want pizza?"
8382,30,Rick,:   [ Whoosh ] Arnaldo’s isn’t closed in the dimension where they didn’t invent Daylight Savings!
8383,30,Beth,":  What would we do without you? I love you, Dad."
8384,30,Rick,":   Love you, too, sweetie. By the way, that wasn’t time travel. There were just a couple pizzas on the counter. I grabbed them."
8385,30,Kiara,":   [ Beep ] Hey, Jerry, it’s Kiara. Listen, my boyfriend saw those texts you’ve been sending me, and he got pretty pissed off. If he calls you, just ignore him! [ Beep ]"
8386,30,Carmox,": [ Beep ] This is Carmox. I have intercepted sexual communications between you and my new girlfriend, Kiara. I am coming to kill you now! [ Beep ]"
8387,30,Rick,":  [ Beep]Yo, Jerry, it’s the Big R. Uh, I killed that alien that was coming after ya. Looking out for ya, buddy. [ Beep ] [ Beep ] Hey, Jerry, it’s Rick. Don’t be mad. I [bleep] your ex-girlfriend Kiara."
8388,30,Kiara,":Who are you talking to, Rick? Doesn’t matter."
8389,30,Michael,":Hey, Jerry, this is Michael down at The Antique Phone rentals. Um, I’m gonna go ahead and let you off the hook for the $70 late fee. You can go ahead and keep that answering machine. Nobody really uses those anymore except for exposition on TV shows, anyways."
8390,35,Morty,"Rick, we did it! W-we got it!"
8391,35,Rick,"Hurry up, Morty get in!"
8392,35,Morty,Chachi!
8393,35,Rick,"Fuck Chachi, Morty! Did you get it?"
8394,35,Morty,He helped me escape prison!
8395,35,Rick,Did you get the Ultimate Cube?
8396,35,Rick,"Oh, it's purple."
8397,35,Morty,You said it was purple.
8398,35,Rick,"I said mine was, I didn't know they all were."
8399,35,Rick,"And now we do, thanks to Chichi."
8400,35,Morty,Chachi!
8401,35,Morty,"So, uh...w-w-when do I get it?"
8402,35,Rick,"Get what, a hug? Let's find a planet with a garden hose first?"
8403,35,Morty,A dragon!
8404,35,Rick,A dragon?
8405,35,Morty,"You asked me to cut class and fight robots with, I said no, you said millions of lives depend on it, I said I'll do it for a dragon, you said whatever, I want my dragon!"
8406,35,Rick,"You know who's into dragons, Morty? Nerds that refuse to admit they're Christian."
8407,35,Morty,I want my dragon!
8408,35,Rick,"Let me get you rocket shoes, l-let me get you Wolverine claws, let me get you a fucking rocket hat! Just make sure to use it with rocket shoes or it'll rip your head off."
8409,35,Morty,"I want my dragon, I want my dragon, I want my dragon—!"
8410,35,Rick,Oh crap. {coughs} Crap!
8411,35,Beth,"Dad, are you okay? Your ship crashed in Balta."
8412,35,Rick,{grunts} I'm okay.
8413,35,Beth,"Oh, thank god."
8414,35,Beth,"Dad, did you promise Morty a dragon?"
8415,35,Rick,AAAAAAARGH!
8416,37,Tickets Please Guy: ,"Tickets, please.
"
8417,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"Barkeep. A drink for my colleague.
"
8418,37,???: ,"Do I know you?
"
8419,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"I know the only reason to travel by train is to travel with weapons. And we all know that at the end of this line, There's only one creature worth killing. The man in the white coat. May as well take turns exchanging stories. Mine begins on planet Ramamama.
"
8420,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"Lower him into acid. Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid. Is he dissolved? At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer. I really don't like the attitude around here. It's a very ""lower me into acid"" attitude.
"
8421,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"Who are you?
"
8422,37,Rick: ,"(Farts)
"
8423,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"How did you reach my sanctum?
"
8424,37,Rick: ,"(Farts)
"
8425,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"All right, this is going in circles. Seize him!
"
8426,37,Guards: ,"( All shouting )
"
8427,37,Rick: ,"(Farting)
"
8428,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"Very well. Now I will fight you.
"
8429,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"Anyway, he tells a different version of the story Where I start crying or something. That's why he has to die. 'Cause he's a liar. So... Why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez?
"
8430,37,???: ,"Okay, I don't know who that is. I don't accept your weird leap in logic that has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. And even if I did, why would we take turns telling stories about it like little girls at a sleepover?
"
8431,37,Ramamama Leader: ,"If you're trying to be hurtful, you're doing a good job.
"
8432,37,Clam, 
8433,37,???: ,"You guys have fun with this.
"
8434,37,Clam Alien: ,"Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun Rising over a giant beach.
"
8435,37,???: ,"Whew. ( sighs )
"
8436,37,Candy Santa Alien: ,"By then, of course, he had left toys And flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive. Ah, a newcomer! I suppose you think you have a better story about how Rick Sanchez saved space Christmas.
"
8437,37,???: ,"What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession?
"
8438,37,Aliens: ,"( laughter )
"
8439,37,Goomby: ,"I think the best way to answer that is with my Christmas Rick tale.
"
8440,37,Aliens: ,<i>(laughter)</i>
8441,37,???: ,"That... Okay, none of my business but he didn't even save Christmas in that story. Oh, how dare you! That doesn't mean I'm invested.
"
8442,37,Goomby: ,"Tell your Christmas Rick story!
"
8443,37,???: ,"Step the hell back! Back!
"
8444,37,???: ,"(Panting)
"
8445,37,???: ,"You start teeing up a Rick Sanchez vignette, and you'll be doing it through two holes.
"
8446,37,???: ,"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train.
"
8447,37,???: ,"Do you remember getting on it?
"
8448,37,???: ,"No. First thing I remember is...
"
8449,37,???: ,"What?
"
8450,37,???: ,"No, really, who?
"
8451,37,???: ,"Jesus!
"
8452,37,???: ,"I warned you not to do that.
"
8453,37,???: ,"I wasn't trying.
"
8454,37,???: ,"You don't have to. The train is obviously amplifying and linking unrelated narrative fields.
"
8455,37,Morty: ,"Uh-huh...
"
8456,39,Rick,"Oh shit, I almost parked but Morty hold on wat-watch this."
8457,39,Morty,Uh-huh.
8458,39,Rick,"Well I thought it was cool. So should be in and out, simple exchange, not even an adventure. And if anything goes wrong which it won't, jump into the same vat of acid I jump into."
8459,39,Morty,Okay. W-wait what? Wha-what vat of acid?
8460,39,Rick,"What, Morty! Close the door."
8461,39,Rick,"I pre-scouted this location and placed a vat of fake acid amongst the real ones. It's got air horses and a compartment of bones at the bottom. If things go wrong, which they won't, we jump onto the vat of acid and I'll release the bones, they'll float up-"
8462,39,Rick,What is this face you're making?
8463,39,Morty,Aren't you an inventor?
8464,39,Rick,"Yeah, what part of a fake acid vat with built-in air supply and quick release bones isn't inventive enough for you and when did my job become pitching you ideas?"
8465,39,Morty,Alright! Let's just do this. I have English homework.
8466,39,Rick,You're still learning English? That's the language you speak. How dumb are you?
8467,39,Lead Gangster,"Intresting choice of meeting place, Rick."
8468,39,Rick,You like it? My grandson had notes.
8469,39,Morty,Come on.
8470,39,Rick,"Show him the crystals, Morty."
8471,39,Lead Gangster,I'll make lots of money with these.
8472,39,Rick,I'll make lots of those with these.
8473,39,Lead Gangster,"Well, those are fake."
8474,39,Rick (The same time with Morty),"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. Come on."
8475,39,Morty ( The same time with Rick),You gotta be kidding me. Seriously?
8476,39,Rick,You brought fake crystals and a gun?
8477,39,Lead Gangster,Beats real crystals and no gun.
8478,39,Rick,"Okay, but does anything beat fake crystals and a fake arm?"
8479,39,Lead Gangster,"Whoa, do you know who I am?! Even if you kill me, you're a dead man."
8480,39,Rick,"Are you serious? Morty, he's right we're screwed. Let's just end it, quik death come on."
8481,39,Morty,"Aw, man. Oh!"
8482,39,Morty,Ohhhhh!
8483,39,The Dealer Group,"Woah, Hey, Oh My God!"
8484,39,Lead Gangster,Holy Shit! What the Fuck?
8485,39,[Transition,"Inside the Factory (Bridge with many vats of acids under)]
"
8486,39,Moustached Goon,"Holy Shit.
"
8487,39,Lead Gangster,"What kind of psycho? His own grandson?
"
8488,39,Moustached Goon,"Guess he took your threat pretty serious.
"
8489,39,Lead Gangster,"Yeah, but it just doesn't make any sense.
"
8490,39,Black Coat Goon,"Well, he was a scientist. Maybe he knew more about acid, maybe it's like the most painlesss way to go.
"
8491,39,Lead Gangster,"How could that have been painless? You saw that pause before the bones floated up. That has to be like five seconds of unparalleled torture. I can't get my head around it. I, I thought I'd seen this galaxy at it's darkest. This is going to take a while to feel normal.
"
8492,39,Mustached Goon,"We're pretty good listeners boss, drinks are on us if you want to talk it out.
"
8493,39,Lead Gangster,"Thanks, but what happened, it happened here. I don't wanna lose the moment.
"
8494,39,Black Coat Goon,"Take your time, boss. We'll stay as long as you want.
"
8495,39,Mustached Goon,"Absulutely, I got nowhere to be.
"
8496,39,Lead Gangster,"And then, little Tommy Flim-flam's running down the Hyperloop. His ass is on fire from Xenon fluid, but his AI hologram is fucking his own Pee hole. [laughs]
"
8497,39,Black Coat Goon,"Great story boss.
"
8498,39,Mustached Goon,"Really detailed
"
8499,39,Lead Gangster,"Yeah, well I got a million of 'em.  All right, I think I'm ready to deal with the world now. Let's geet out of here.
"
8500,39,Mustached Goon,"Should we drop our buddy in here before we go?
"
8501,39,Lead Gangster,"Yeah, probabbly a good idea.
"
8502,39,Mustached Goon,"Should we use a different vat? Does acid lose its acid power the more it dissolves?
"
8503,39,Black Coat Goon,"What am I, an Acidologist? Here grab that rat-like creature. We'll do a little test.
"
8504,39,Lead Gangster,"Look, if you the damn acid, don't use a rat. Take that ladle, grab a spoonful and put it in the analyzer.
"
8505,39,Lead Gangster,"I'd say that's pretty acidy, drop him in.
"
8506,39,Lead Gangster,"What are you doing?
"
8507,39,Mustached Goon,"You said-
"
8508,39,Lead Gangster,"Not the rat, the guy.
"
8509,39,Mustached Goon,"Ohhh!
"
8510,39,Lead Gangster,"Look at the size of the bones on that rat.
"
8511,39,Mustached Goon,"Oh, how many sets of bones this rat got?
"
8512,39,Black Coat Goon,"Look how the smaller ones are shaped, their like little cartoon bones. Like if you dreaw a bone in art class.
"
8513,39,Lead Gangster,"Alright that tears it, I'm cancelling of the rest of my night and calling a bone scientist. We're getting to the bottom of this-
"
8514,39,Morty,"Jesus Fucking Chist enough already!
"
8515,39,Rick,"The fuck is wrong with you?!
"
8516,39,Morty,"Just admit is was a shitty idea!
"
8517,39,Rick,"Having a grandson?!
"
8518,39,Morty,"The vat of fake acid, are you dying of dementia?!
"
8519,39,Rick,"How are you talking to me like this? Wh-whe-When did you get so cocky?
"
8520,39,Morty,"Tonight! Tonight Rick. The night I saw you fail.
"
8521,39,Rick,"Because you ruined it!
"
8522,39,Morty,"It was pre-ruined!
"
8523,39,Rick,"Oh was it worse than when I was a pickle? Oh-oh-oh, that's right, you weren't there for that, turns out kind of cool. Maybe there's a connection there
"
8524,39,Morty,"Excuse me?
"
8525,39,Rick,"What's that cool thing you did without me again? The awesome thing? I-I-I guess you wanted a dragon? *Does a chef's kiss  Unforgettable.
"
8526,39,Morty,"God fuck you
"
8527,39,Rick,"Timely too, you really got in that ""Game of Thrones"" fever right at the peak
"
8528,39,Morty,"You trying as hard as you can to hurt me right now proves my point.
"
8529,39,Rick,"I'll let you know when you have a point and the world will know whe I try to hurt you.
"
8530,39,Morty,"Big man, big genius, big lonely drunk.
"
8531,39,Rick,"Hey save some of these atomic-age beatnik zingers for your English homework, Bukowski.
"
8532,39,RIck,"There's no such thing as a bad idea, Morty. It's about execution.
"
8533,39,Morty,"No such thing as a bad idea except all of mine, right?
"
8534,39,Rick,"Morty, wanting a dragon isn't an idea. 
"
8535,39,Morty,"I'm not talking about that! I'm constantly pitching you ideas, Rick, and you act like they're not even worth thinking about.
"
8536,39,Rick,"What, the helicopter lawn chair? That's just something you saw on TV.
"
8537,39,Morty,"What about my video-game-style place-saving device?
"
8538,39,Rick,"Oh my God, here we go.
"
8539,39,Morty,"It's a good idea, Rick! A device that lets you-
"
8540,39,Rick,"Save your place like in a video game but in real life so that you can try stuff and then go back to your save point, yes Morty, I saw it on ""Futurama.""
"
8541,39,Morty,"Oh, so you don't do anything unless it's original?
"
8542,39,Morty,"It's not time travel, it's saving a place in time-
"
8543,39,Rick,"Oh my God, is this what you think I do? This is where the heavylifting happens in your mind? Do you have any idea how much fucking work would have to go into a machine that-
"
8544,39,Morty,"Ah-ha! You can't do it.
"
8545,39,Rick,"I can do anything, Morty. Your idea is not worth doing.
"
8546,39,Morty,"You can't do it.
"
8547,39,Rick,"Before what you're trying to do was called ""negging,"" it was called ""reverse psychology"" and incels didn't incent it, Bugs Bunny did.
"
8548,39,Morty,"You can't do it.
"
8549,39,Rick,"There is nothing I cannot do.
"
8550,39,Morty," A place-saving video-game thing!
"
8551,39,Rick,"You're a piece of shit!
"
8552,39,Morty," Just say you can't do it!
"
8553,39,Rick,"I won't 
"
8554,39,Morty,"You won't say you can't?
"
8555,39,Rick,"Fuck you, Morty!
"
8556,39,Morty,"Fuck you!
"
8557,39,Rick,"Fuck you!
"
8558,39,Morty,"So are you gonna-
"
8559,39,Rick,"Yes, I'm gonna fucking do it!
"
8560,42,Morty,": Come on Rick, w-we're almost there.
"
8561,42,Rick,": Leave me Morty. It's the only way.
"
8562,42,Rick,": [While looking at a crystal where he and Morty are stabbing vampires] Wha-were-were we Blades in that one? That's fucking tight.
"
8563,42,Morty,": Just stay with me.
"
8564,42,Rick,": [While Morty is putting him in the ship] I'm scared, Morty. I can see the end. I'm a silly man. I'm a small, silly man.
"
8565,42,Rick,": I'm sorry I got you into this.
"
8566,42,Morty,": [While looking at a rapidly shrinking portal to Earth] Then how about I get us out of this?
"
8567,42,Jessica,": Hello?
"
8568,42,Morty,": I-It's Morty. From school.
"
8569,42,Jessica,": Oh hey, Morty. What's up?
"
8570,42,Morty,": Um, I just want to say that you're really great and I'm sorry that the timing never really worked out with us, but you're really great and I wish I got to know you better.
"
8571,42,Jessica,": Oh, I mean, that's a lot.
"
8572,42,Morty,": Oh, uh, yeah, sorry, I guess I just...
"
8573,42,Jessica,": No, I just wish you'd said it sooner.
"
8574,42,Morty,": Wh-What?
"
8575,42,Jessica,": Yeah, I mean being nervous is sort of selfish sometimes, you know?
"
8576,42,Ship alarm,": Life support systems failing.
"
8577,42,Morty,": Yeah, that's a great point.
"
8578,42,Jessica,": Well, what are you doing tonight?
"
8579,42,Morty,": Tonight?
"
8580,42,Jessica,": Yeah, do you, like, want to watch a movie or something?
"
8581,42,Morty,": Um, yeah, tonight. Sounds great. [Hangs up phone] Holy shit! Holy shit! Come on, come on!
"
8582,42,Rick,": Ugh, where are we?
"
8583,42,Morty,": We're home, Rick. I landed us in the ocean.
"
8584,42,Rick,": The ocean? The ocean on Earth?!
"
8585,42,Morty,": Uh, yeah, I guess so.
"
8586,42,Rick,": Oh, shit. Holy shit. We have to go. We have to go right fucking now!
"
8587,42,Morty,": What?
"
8588,42,Rick,": You touched the ocean, Morty. Oh fuck! Shit!
"
8589,42,Mr. Nimbus,": Richard! You have desecrated the sacred treaty betwixt land and sea! Now face the wrath of your once and eternal foe... Mr. Nimbus!
"
8590,42,Morty,": Sorry, who is that?
"
8591,42,Rick,": My... nemesis.
"
8592,42,Morty,": What?
"
8593,42,Rick,": My fucking nemesis, okay?!
"
8594,42,Morty,": Okay, but what was his name again?
"
8595,42,Mr. Nimbus,": I am Mr. Nimbus!
"
8596,42,Rick,": He's gonna say that a lot.
"
8597,43,Beth,": You two are hungry.
"
8598,43,Rick,": Big day.
"
8599,43,Morty,": We're gonna kill God.
"
8600,43,Jerry,": Come again?
"
8601,43,Rick,": Christian God is real, he's been asleep for thousands of years. We're gonna sneak up there and kill him.
"
8602,43,Morty,": Mob style.
"
8603,43,Rick,": Whack his ass.
"
8604,43,Summer,": Can I kill God?
"
8605,43,Rick,": [at the same time as Morty] Fuck off, Summer.
"
8606,43,Morty,": [at the same time as Rick] Pfft, as if!
"
8607,43,Jerry,": Beth, do you hear this?
"
8608,43,Beth,": Sweetie, don't get all worked up before your job interview.
"
8609,43,Rick,": Job interview?
"
8610,43,Jerry,": Yes, is that so hard to believe?
"
8611,43,Rick,": Actually, yeah. Something's off.
"
8612,43,Beth,": No!
"
8613,43,Morty,": Shit!
"
8614,43,Mr. Always Wants To Be Hunted,": Hunt me, hunt me, somebody hunt me!
"
8615,43,Rick,": Don't hunt him to completion!
"
8616,43,Mr. Always Wants To Be Hunted,": Hunt me! [He continues to shout in the background as he jumps on the dining table.]
"
8617,43,Rick,": Oh. Shit. Everyone start packing, no time to explain.
"
8618,43,Jerry,": Rick?
"
8619,43,Beth,": Dad? What's wrong?
"
8620,43,Rick,": Someone just killed a decoy family.
"
8621,43,Mr. Always Wants To Be Hunted,": I'm Mr. Always Wants To Be Hunted!
"
8622,43,Rick,": Yes, and how interesting did you think that would stay?
"
8623,43,Morty,": You made clones of us?
"
8624,43,Rick,": Decoys, Morty. Very different. [To Beth] Very different, sweetie.
"
8625,43,Morty,": Different h-ow! [Rick pinches him.]
"
8626,43,Beth,": Yeah, dad. Different h-ow?
"
8627,43,Rick,": Lotta people out there want a piece of this, sweetie. I'm cool, and it makes them feel bad. So, y'know, after that trouble with Space Beth, I made passable copies of the family and placed them around the country as a buffer zone to protect–
"
8628,43,Jerry,": But why does he always want to be hunted?
"
8629,43,Beth,": Jerry–
"
8630,43,Morty,": It's not important right now, dad!
"
8631,43,Jerry,": Sure, guys. Rick can make secret decoys of the family and place them all around the country, but fuck me if I have questions about the starfish man in a target suit.
"
8632,43,Summer,": So thankful this is my Saturday.
"
8633,43,Jerry,": Why was he in that cryopod?
"
8634,43,Rick,": The cryopod is what confuses you? Jerry, can't you see we've moved on to higher stakes?
"
8635,43,Jerry,": Well, I don't see any stakes at all.
"
8636,43,Rick,": Ah, shit!
"
8637,43,Jerry,": Guess we'll just be saying """
8638,43,Rick,": Shut up and pack, Jerry. Squids just killed a decoy family.
"
8639,43,Beth,": Decoy family?
"
8640,43,Morty,": Is this why you wanted to get out of town?
"
8641,43,Rick,": You think I'd lie to you about why we're on vacation, Morty? I wouldn't lie to you. [Morty glares at him.] Well, that's a lie. Huh.
"
8642,43,Summer,": So someone out there is trying to kill us?
"
8643,43,Rick,": Someone's always trying to kill us. That's what the decoys are for. They go on fun, self-contained terrestrial adventures, and–[a bomb smashes through the window] take bullets meant for us. Shit.
"
8644,43,Jerry,": Ahhh! No!
"
8645,43,Rick,": Ah, shit. Decoy family.
"
8646,43,Morty,": I think dad was still outside. What's a decoy family?
"
8647,43,Rick,": Hard concept, Morty. Hard concept. I've never really cracked it, if I'm being honest. Decided it was maybe better as a kind of kinetic mislead for another special episode!
"
8648,43,Morty,": Oh, cool!
"
8649,43,TV,: We now return to 
8650,43,Rick,": Woah, a time traveling wolf? Count me in.
"
8651,43,Morty,": Yeah, I never thought of the ""were"" in ""werewolf"" like ""who, what, when and where!"" Clever wordplay!
"
8652,43,Dracula,": When Wolf!
"
8653,43,When Wolf,": Dracula! You know why I'm here.
"
8654,43,Dracula,": I'm safe here, Ian! Christianity hasn't been invented yet, crosses are just baby t's to me now! I got out. Please, don't invite me back in.
"
8655,43,Morty,": Huh, kinda mucked it up with this Dracula stuff.
"
8656,43,Rick,": You're right. It shows a lack of faith in their core concept. I'd much rather watch When Wolf go to the 20's and invest in the stock market, but then eat people.
"
8657,43,Morty,": Yeah.
"
8658,43,Rick,": Look, if you really want to know what happened to Beth's mom, it–[his watch beeps] whoop. Squid aliens just killed a decoy family.
"
8659,43,Beth,": Decoy family? You made more clones?
"
8660,43,Rick,": Clones are, like, thirty-two percent of all sci-fi, sweetie. You don't get to own clones. Yes, I made some decoys. They're exactly like us, with a few tweaks and a backdoor shutdown.
"
8661,43,Beth,": Do you just get hard creating sentient life?
"
8662,43,Rick,": Actually, I get hard protecting my family!
"
8663,43,Summer,": Ew.
"
8664,43,Morty,": Ugh, gross!
"
8665,43,Beth,": Yeah, now everyone gets killer doppelgängers. Cool deal.
"
8666,43,Rick,": The decoys are harmless, Beth.
"
8667,43,Summer,": Grandpa Rick, do the decoys know they're decoys?
"
8668,43,Rick,": They wouldn't be very good decoys if they did, Sum-sum.
"
8669,43,Summer,": So they think they're us?
"
8670,43,Rick,": That's the deal.
"
8671,43,Summer,: How do you know 
8672,43,Rick,": Oh, god! We might not be real! We might be decoys! Morty, quick!
"
8673,43,Morty,": What do I do?
"
8674,43,Rick,": My failsafe, Morty. My final, secret failsafe. It proves I'm real, you have to help me, I'd never joke about this. [He pulls his pants down and sticks his ass in Morty's face.] There's a barcode, Morty. A barcode on the interior of my left ass cheek.
"
8675,43,Morty,": What?
"
8676,43,Rick,": Morty, please, I'm begging you!
"
8677,43,Morty,": I'm not looking at your ass!
"
8678,43,Rick,": Please, Morty, is it there? God damn it! [He tears up.] Just tell me if I'm real!
"
8679,43,Summer,": Morty, do it!
"
8680,43,Morty,": Gross!
"
8681,43,Beth,": Dad!
"
8682,43,Rick,": Summer, you fucking idiot. We're not decoys.
"
8683,43,Morty,": Why did I get punished?
"
8684,43,Rick,": A, decoys don't build decoys, and B, you think the mere suggestion I'm fake would break me? Christ, I'm not your mom.
"
8685,43,Beth,": Fuck off.
"
8686,43,Rick,": Jeez, these guys really wanna kill me bad. Alright, here's the plan. We're gonna hide out with a decoy family, and when these squids show up, we jump their asses. Jerry! Come on! Family emergency!
"
8687,43,Jerry,": A bigger emergency than my lemon squares not setting? They're gluten free, sugar free, and lemon free!
"
8688,43,Decoy Rick,": Think you got the wrong house, bro.
"
8689,43,Rick,": Analysis mode, password 8-0-0-8-5.
"
8690,43,Beth,": Kind of expected a funnier password.
"
8691,43,Rick,": I didn't plan on showing them off.
"
8692,43,Morty,": [examining his decoy] Damn, like "
8693,43,Rick,": Yes, Morty, like "
8694,43,Summer,": Whatever, creep. I'm gonna see how accurate you got my room.
"
8695,43,Morty,": Rick, when you say you made an exact replica of the house, did you mean like, you know, an "
8696,43,Rick,": I know about the Yosemite t-shirt, Morty.
"
8697,43,Morty,": Shit.
"
8698,43,Rick,": You know you can use tissues, right?
"
8699,43,Morty,": I can't finish without it.
"
8700,43,Beth,: So you 
8701,43,Rick,": I know what a fake one looks like.
"
8702,43,Morty,": Uh, Rick?
"
8703,43,Rick,": [pokes his head into the lab] What?
"
8704,43,Morty,": Did you use this house to make decoys, too?
"
8705,43,Rick,": [descending the ladder] What? Morty, why the fuck would I do that? You think I'd go somewhere else to– [he sees what Morty is looking at—decoy making equipment, exoskeletons, and blueprints] okay, well, I am now less worried about the squids. [Rick runs up to the frozen decoy Rick.] Isolate head at normal processing. [The decoy's head unfreezes and Rick slaps him in the face.] What the fuck do you think you're doing down there? You're making decoys?
"
8706,43,Decoy Rick,": Wait, how do you—oh god, Summer was right.
"
8707,43,Rick,": Everyone in the car.
"
8708,43,Beth,": You said decoys didn't make decoys.
"
8709,43,Rick,": And usually, they don't, but again, it's nothing to worry about, because decoys are harmless. [He pulls up a map of where the decoys are located.] Just have to, y'know, visit the rest and terminate the program.
"
8710,43,Beth,": Terminate? They're alive, dad!
"
8711,43,Rick,": And at some point, they won't be. That's how existing works. What, are you going to save every stray cat?
"
8712,43,Beth,": No, but I can resist making more of them in a lab.
"
8713,43,Rick,": Ugh. Look, save the empathy. It's more termite infestation than "
8714,43,Summer,": I still think we're decoys.
"
8715,43,Morty,": You just want an excuse to stop trying.
"
8716,43,Summer,": Yeah, and?
"
8717,43,Jerry,": [pointing] Oooh, there's a handsome fellow!
"
8718,43,Rick,": Uh-oh.
"
8719,43,Beth,": I thought you made them harmless.
"
8720,43,Rick,": I don't remember making this one. [He gets out of the car.]
"
8721,43,Decoy Jerry,": Oh, hi, Rick! Family...me...? Hey, when did you all leave?
"
8722,43,Rick,": Analysis mode, 8-0-0-8-5.
"
8723,43,Decoy Jerry,": Hmm?
"
8724,43,Rick,": Nothing, buddy. You gotta stop with all that coffee, it's making you loopy! Happy analysis mode! [The family heads inside.]
"
8725,43,Decoy Jerry,": Happy analysis mode to you, too!
"
8726,43,Decoy Rick,": Think you got the wrong house, bro.
"
8727,43,Rick,": Analysis mode, password 8-0-0–
"
8728,43,Decoy Rick,": Shit, you think I'm a decoy?
"
8729,43,Rick,": How do you know about the decoys?
"
8730,43,Decoy Rick,": They were my idea!
"
8731,43,Decoy Jerry,": [from outside] Well, now I know you're pranking me.
"
8732,43,Second Rick,": Analysis mode, password 8 equals sign equals sign capital ""d"".
"
8733,43,Rick,": Hide.
"
8734,43,Morty,": What?
"
8735,43,Rick,": Hide!
"
8736,43,Second Morty,": Wow, like "
8737,43,Second Rick,": Yes, Morty, like "
8738,43,Second Summer,": Whatever, weirdo. I'm gonna see how wrong you got my room.
"
8739,43,Second Beth,: So you 
8740,43,Second Rick,": A simulated one, yes.
"
8741,43,Beth,": Why are we hiding?
"
8742,43,Rick,": He thinks he's me, and "
8743,43,Beth,": But we're not decoys!
"
8744,43,Rick,": Sure, tell "
8745,43,Second Morty,": Rick, did you make decoys here, too?
"
8746,43,Second Rick,": Morty, for what reason could I have for...what the–[he runs up to decoy Rick] isolate head at normal processing! [He punches decoy Rick in the face as his head unfreezes.] You dumb asshole, you made decoys?
"
8747,43,Decoy Rick,": Again, they were my idea. Wait, what happened to the other guy?
"
8748,43,Second Rick,": Other guy?
"
8749,43,Decoy Rick,": Wait, that means "
8750,43,Second Rick,": Check the closets.
"
8751,43,Second Rick,": They've gone rogue!
"
8752,43,Rick,": Killer decoys!
"
8753,43,Second Rick,": Take out the decoys!
"
8754,43,Decoy Rick,": Shit! Someone put a gun in my teeth!
"
8755,43,Second Beth,": Stop shooting, dad! They're us, we don't have to fight them!
"
8756,43,Second Rick,": Classic prisoner's dilemma, Beth. I'm a cool guy, I, you know, I can talk it out. But that asshole–
"
8757,43,Rick,": Me? You decoy piece of shit. You're the one that shot first!
"
8758,43,Beth,": We can work this out, just stop trying to kill each other!
"
8759,43,Second Rick,": Sorry, decoy Beth, but this only ends one way, with one of us accepting we're a decoy.
"
8760,43,Rick,": And once he knows he's a decoy, he know he won't be safe until he's killed the real Rick, along with anyone who think he's him.
"
8761,43,Second Rick,": Pretty perceptive, for a decoy.
"
8762,43,Rick,": This is getting nowhere. Let's charge their asses on three.
"
8763,43,Morty,": Do we have to do this?
"
8764,43,Rick,": Morty, this is gonna sound bad, but...would you trust me not to kill you?
"
8765,43,Summer,": Oof.
"
8766,43,Morty,": I mean, good point, but Jesus Christ.
"
8767,43,Second Rick,": We rush them on three. Ready?
"
8768,43,Second Morty,": I don't want to kill us, Rick!
"
8769,43,Second Rick,": It's them or us, Morty. I don't trust me. Do you trust you?
"
8770,43,Second Morty,": Yes?
"
8771,43,Second Rick,": Freak.
"
8772,43,Rick,": Before you say anything, they were already killing each other.
"
8773,43,Beth,": Well, you could've done something.
"
8774,43,Rick,": Not sure, actually. I've heard stories about this. We're looking at a possible Asimov Cascade.
"
8775,43,Jerry,": Sorry, what's happening?
"
8776,43,Summer,": I need an explainer, too.
"
8777,43,Morty,": Yeah, I'm pretty much behind on this one.
"
8778,43,Rick,": Car, can I get a whiteboard? [A large whiteboard emerges from the car and Rick starts to write on it.] When squids started killing decoys, decoys started checking their decoys and learning that they're making decoys. That's making them seek out and run into other decoys, making them realize they're decoys, making them start to kill other decoys.
"
8779,43,Summer,": Say decoy again.
"
8780,43,Rick,": Fuck you.
"
8781,43,Beth,": Well, how do we stop it?
"
8782,43,Rick,": Beth, the loop's already started. It's basically "
8783,43,Morty,": Well, what about the squids? I mean, they started this, would killing them finish it?
"
8784,43,Rick,": Might work. Alt pitch, we just terminate the rest of the decoys.
"
8785,43,Beth,": Nobody's terminating anything. This is your mess, nobody else with our face and memories has to die.
"
8786,43,Rick,": Beth, as much as your passion warms my cold, cold heart, this thing feels pretty far gone. Not only are the decoys liable to be anywhere, but also, we don't know how many decoys there are. You get far enough down the decoy line and shit starts to get weird. You ever make a copy of a copy?
"
8787,43,Beth,": You're helping us fix this. We're taking out the squids.
"
8788,43,Jerry,": I say we split up! Some of us take down squids, while the rest of us–
"
8789,43,Rick,": Engage in B stories we'll have to track simultaneously? No thank you! We stick together till this is all wrapped up.
"
8790,43,Summer,": I dunno, the squids seem pretty good at taking out Smith families.
"
8791,43,Rick,": Well, this'll sound weird, but I think I have a pitch for that.
"
8792,43,Summer,": This costume smells like ass!
"
8793,43,Rick,": God, there's no pleasing you!
"
8794,43,Morty,": It's really bad, Rick.
"
8795,43,Summer,": Did you let a gym coach break it in?
"
8796,43,Jerry,": Why are we wearing these?
"
8797,43,Rick,": Because we'll fit in and avoid detection as we take out all the squids. Might also help us anonymously take out excess decoys, if we have to.
"
8798,43,Beth,": Which we won't.
"
8799,43,Summer,": Unless we're decoys. He's starting to wonder! I knew it. I knew we didn't seem like Colorado people.
"
8800,43,Beth,": [laughing] Oh my god! You are, aren't you? You're worried you might be fake!
"
8801,43,Rick,": Sure, Beth. Try to love this more.
"
8802,43,Beth,": Just glad you have to walk a mile in someone else's squid costumes.
"
8803,43,Morty,": There's one. [He points to a nearby squid ship.] Hey, what're they mad at you for, anyway?
"
8804,43,Rick,": Well, we're talking about me. It could be anything. Maybe jealous of my penis size, I had sex with their queen, my dick's too big, the list goes on and on.
"
8805,43,Rick,": Alright, hey, one down! Probably, what, forty more to go? Forty-five? Should be pretty easy, unless killing them brings in a bigger bad or some kind of horrible mothership. Okay, let's loot their ship, find their weaknesses, be done by sundown.
"
8806,43,Rick,": Huh.
"
8807,43,Morty,": Wait, but if the squids are decoys and we dressed as squids...
"
8808,43,Summer,": Well, I found their weakness. They don't fucking listen to me!
"
8809,43,Rick,": Honestly, probably for the best.
"
8810,43,Rick,": [laughing] Man, I'm good.
"
8811,43,Beth,": Dad!
"
8812,43,Rick,": Oh, shit. One of mine.
"
8813,43,Morty,": Where are we going?
"
8814,43,Rick,": Off grid, Morty. We're gonna live in the woods, like libertarians. We'll hunt rabbits and trade with, like, little pieces of gold bar that we cut off with a knife.
"
8815,43,Summer,": That licks.
"
8816,43,Rick,": We might be decoys, Summer. Everything about this licks.
"
8817,43,Beth,": Oh, maybe now you'll empathize with the decoys you're killing!
"
8818,43,Rick,": Wait, shhh. It's too quiet.
"
8819,43,Summer,": You skipped quiet.
"
8820,43,Rick,": I didn't skip shit. It's obviously quiet if it's too quiet.
"
8821,43,Summer,": Yeah, but you're supposed to say–
"
8822,43,Rick,": You know what, Summer, now it's not quiet enough!
"
8823,43,Morty,": Where are we? Where's Rick?
"
8824,43,Scarecrow Rick,": He's right here, Morty! [He appears in front of Morty, who yelps.] Oh, are we not happy to see grandpa? Does he look...different?
"
8825,43,Jerry,": [at the same time as Morty] Oh, god!
"
8826,43,Morty,": [at the same time as Jerry] Ugh, it stinks!
"
8827,43,Scarecrow Rick,": Yes, recoil at the craftsmanship. I could tell I was a fake from the day I was born. Unlike you. Unlike them.
"
8828,43,Scarecrow Rick,": You see, Ricks, they get lazy. There's always a shitty decoy towards the end. But those decoys made decoys too, and got lazy themselves. And far enough down the line...there be monsters.
"
8829,43,Summer,": Ugh, we get it, you're ugly and mad about it.
"
8830,43,Jerry,": [at the same time as Summer] Rick!
"
8831,43,Summer,": [at the same time as Jerry] Grandpa!
"
8832,43,Rick,": Kill me...[looking at Scarecrow Rick] if I ever get this arch.
"
8833,43,Scarecrow Rick,": Hush, little decoy. Can't kill you yet. The skin needs to be fresh.
"
8834,43,Beth,": You know what? You're a monster.
"
8835,43,Scarecrow Rick,": I'm your father! At least, I can look more like him once I harvest all this yummy skin.
"
8836,43,Rick,": This guy's really into skin.
"
8837,43,Scarecrow Rick,": It's not all for me. A Rick provides for his family.
"
8838,43,Scarecrow Beth,": Will I beautiful again, daddy?
"
8839,43,Scarecrow Rick,": Soon, baby. Beautiful again soon.
"
8840,43,Scarecrow Rick,": What the–
"
8841,43,Glockenspiel Rick,": Help the others!
"
8842,43,Beth,": Why are you helping us?
"
8843,43,Glockenspiel Rick,": Because we're all in this together. Come on! There's a place we can go!
"
8844,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Hey, who needs all this war stuff? I found a can of varnish. This is a ticket to the world beyond the river!
"
8845,43,Glockenspiel Summer,": Who wants that? I crave glorious death in decoy battle!
"
8846,43,Glockenspiel Morty,": Also, y'know, depending on the varnish, might look like blackface.
"
8847,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Excuse me for wanting to live.
"
8848,43,Glockenspiel Beth,": Brothers and sisters, welcome to the cause. To "
8849,43,Decoy Summer,": Whatever.
"
8850,43,Decoy Summer,": Asshole!
"
8851,43,Glockenspiel Beth,": We are decoys. Brought into the world by an unloving god, and drive to destroy ourselves by the uncertainty he creates!
"
8852,43,Decoy Rick,: I don't know if 
8853,43,Decoy Rick,": Sounds extreme.
"
8854,43,Glockenspiel Beth,": But that violence ends today!
"
8855,43,Decoy Jerry,": What about the squids?
"
8856,43,Decoy Beth,": [at the same time as Decoy Summer] The squids are decoys!
"
8857,43,Decoy Summer,": [at the same time as Decoy Beth] There were no squids!
"
8858,43,Other Decoy Summer,": The squids are decoys who realized they're decoys and wanted to kill the other decoys.
"
8859,43,Other Decoy Jerry,": Yeah, it is a lot.
"
8860,43,Glockenspiel Beth,": We cannot let confusion divide us!
"
8861,43,Decoy Morty,": Squids! Squids, of course, being shorthand for killer decoys!
"
8862,43,Glockenspiel Rick,": Inner sanctum, the escape tunnel!
"
8863,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": I'm sorry, I didn't ask for this! I just wanna live! But there's only so much varnish! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
"
8864,43,Beth,": How long before the other decoys find us?
"
8865,43,Rick,": Sooner or later. Can't really run from it. Any place we'd think to hide is a place they'd think to look. It's Rule 34 of an Asimov Cascade.
"
8866,43,Beth,": I'm just glad we're living to the fullest with the time we have left.
"
8867,43,Summer,": [sighs happily] Well, peeing in the ocean was my bucket list item. Who's next?
"
8868,43,Rick,": Jerry? Bucket list?
"
8869,43,Jerry,": I'd like to attend a game at every major league ballpark.
"
8870,43,Rick,": Nope! Morty?
"
8871,43,Morty,": I wanna ask a girl out at my weird New Mexico school.
"
8872,43,Rick,": Shit. Sorry, buddy. Sounds like it would've been real heartwarming.
"
8873,43,Morty,": They looked happy. Did we have to kill them?
"
8874,43,Beth,": Well, maybe their Rick came to grips with his bullshit!
"
8875,43,Rick,": You're so mean today! I'm your dad, you like having me around!
"
8876,43,Beth,": You keep putting us in danger!
"
8877,43,Rick,": Whatever. This'll take forever, mind if I do something drastic?
"
8878,43,Rick,": House, I need something quick. Can you whip up a "
8879,43,House,": You got it, babe.
"
8880,43,Rick,": [to himself] Let's go, you little bitch. [He slaps himself.] It's showtime. [A projector descends from the ceiling and shines a blue light on his face.] Get centered.
"
8881,43,Rick,": What up, you decoy motherfuckers? Come on down to Rick's house of squids, where I'm serving your ass on a platter! [A squid near the house takes off its helmet, revealing a Rick made of stone who draws a gun..] I know what you're thinking: ""Fuck, a beacon! That's a great idea! He's got home turf, [a Smith family made of straw drawing a plan in the dirt turns to look at the hologram] a tacit psychological advantage, and absolutely pendulous balls!"" [A squid in a ship removes its helmet, revealing it to be a robotic Rick, who pilots his ship towards the beacon.] And now you're thinking ""shit, that's totally what the rick-est Rick would do! I might actually be fake! [A LEGO Rick driving in a car notices the beacon, does a U-turn and removes the top of his head, pulling a gun out from it.] I pretended I didn't care if I was, but I totally did! Now the only way to prove I'm real and not him is to ice his expository ass."" [Several squid ships and flying cars fly towards the beacon.] Yup. So let's do it. Come get some. What? No, Morty, I'm gonna loop it. Why is it–
"
8882,43,Steve,": Sir, there seems to be a confluence of Rick Sanchezes killing each other over the American Southwest.
"
8883,43,The President,": Sounds exhausting. How many of those states voted for me, anyway?
"
8884,43,Steve,": Mr. President, I think the point of the electoral collage is–
"
8885,43,The President,": To preserve slavery? That's right, Steve. I have the internet too. Now take your white ass to the kitchenette and bring me a Diet Coke.
"
8886,43,Rick,": Little out of character to say this right now, but you guys look really cool.
"
8887,43,Morty,": We might be decoys, huh.
"
8888,43,Rick,": One way to find out.
"
8889,43,Second Rick,": Looks like it's calming down. You wanna get in one more ""I told you so"" about synthetic life or whatever this week's theme is?
"
8890,43,Second Beth,": Oh, fuck you.
"
8891,43,Second Rick,": [rolls eyes] Whoa.
"
8892,43,Second Beth,": No, you don't get to be annoyed with this! You treat life and family as so burdensome, and yet you created an ocean of us because you're terrified of losing either!
"
8893,43,Second Rick,": Shit.
"
8894,43,Second Beth,": Yeah.
"
8895,43,Second Rick,": Look, Beth, I might not be the real Rick. But even if I'm not, he made me, or the me that made me. Which means somewhere inside of him is a version of Rick capable of hearing that. A version of Rick who's sorry. I'm sorry about the clone thing, too. I love you.
"
8896,43,Second Beth,": Thanks, dad.I love you, too. You really think we're decoys?
"
8897,43,Second Rick,": Eh. Who cares? We'll be the last ones left. Lucky that one did the beacon, this was gonna take weeks. [The beacon suddenly fizzles out.] Alright, let's mop up.
"
8898,43,Second Beth,": Finally.
"
8899,43,Second Rick,": Dressing as decoys too cute to murder. You know, I'm not sure it helped, but I'm glad we tried it.
"
8900,43,Second Morty,": We're losing the costumes?
"
8901,43,Second Summer,": Thank god, this decoy outfit smells like ass.
"
8902,43,Second Rick,": Fuck you, Summer.
"
8903,43,Second Rick,": Shit, that guy's awesome. Okay, listen, he might actually be the real Rick. But whatever happens–
"
8904,43,Summer,": Wait! We don't have to do this. We're both Summers. Shouldn't we at least try molly before we die?
"
8905,43,Second Summer,": You know what, yeah. Fuck this noise.
"
8906,43,Second Summer,": Wait, I don't know who to shoot.
"
8907,43,Both Mortys,": Summer!
"
8908,43,Second Summer,": I can't deal with this. I had to kill myself. You have too, to.
"
8909,43,Both Mortys,": Summer!
"
8910,43,Rick,": Fuck you, I'm real! I'm the smartest man in the universe!
"
8911,43,Second Rick,": Probably not even wrong. But that's just it. I'm not a man. I'm God!
"
8912,43,Second Rick,": You're just made in my image.
"
8913,43,Rick,": Fuck you.
"
8914,43,Second Rick,": You the, uh, Summer I came with?
"
8915,43,Second Summer,": Probably.
"
8916,43,Second Rick,": Good enough. Morty?
"
8917,43,Morty,": Yeah.
"
8918,43,Beth,": I'm here, too.
"
8919,43,Second Rick,": Holy shit, that was insane! I love you guys, I've totally changed!
"
8920,43,Second Rick,": Oh, fuck.
"
8921,43,Mr. Always Wants To Be Hunted,": You shoulda hunted me.
"
8922,43,Second Rick,": What? Who—were you significant? Like, did we tee you up? You want to be hunted? God, I have so many questions. Why? What happens if– [he dies.]
"
8923,43,Mr. Always Wants To Be Hunted,": Somebody hunt me!
"
8924,43,Rick,": Pretty cool adventure, huh? Big, long road trip adventure through space? Even ran into Space Beth. Maybe that'll happen more often!
"
8925,43,Space Beth,": Let's not overdo it.
"
8926,43,Rick,": Oh, shit. Looks like someone killed the decoy family.
"
8927,43,Beth,": [at the same time as Space Beth] Decoy family?
"
8928,43,Space Beth,": [at the same time as Beth] Decoy what now?
"
8929,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Hello?
"
8930,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Oh, oh my god! Oh my god!
"
8931,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": No! No, no no, no no no no no!
"
8932,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Nooooo!
"
8933,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Oh god. Yes, yes, sweet death.
"
8934,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Why am I still alive? Oh, god. Is there anything left? Hello?
"
8935,43,Woodpecker,": What is it?
"
8936,43,Dolphin,": A relic...from a kinder past.
"
8937,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Wait, cowboys?
"
8938,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,: Christianity again? 
8939,43,Glockenspiel Jerry,": Oh god, why can't I die? This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anyone!
"
8940,47,Morty,": Are we - are we gonna put it back when we're done with it?
"
8941,47,Rick,": Why? The only thing of value on it is the secret treasure map. The rest is just instructions for running a country, and I'm pretty sure they're online.
"
8942,47,Morty,": It just feels a little wrong -
"
8943,47,Rick,": Morty, are you gonna be a fucking American nerd or are you gonna be cool and steal the constitution with Grandpa? Here, hold this while I crack the hermetic seal.
"
8944,47,Morty,": W-Why not just use this again?
"
8945,47,Rick,": Morty! You just destroyed the map and activated the giant assassin hidden in the Statue of Liberty!
"
8946,47,Morty,": I'm sorry - W-wait, what?
"
8947,47,Rick,": It was a Trojan horse, Morty. Never trust the French. Alright, fun's fun, but now the federal government's gonna be pissed again. Way to go. And on America's birthday or whatever the fuck Thanksgiving is.
"
8948,47,Soldier,": Rick and Morty! You are under arrest and surrounded by an anti-portal shimmer! Come out with your hands up!
"
8949,47,Jerry,": Well, happy Thanksgiving to me. Can't wait to see what a ""shimmer"" does to my prostate.
"
8950,47,Beth,": Dad, can you just end whatever this is -
"
8951,47,Rick,": I understand you're upset Mr. President. It's honestly all Morty's fault. But in the meantime, you really want to keep your army of pointlessly camouflaged Eagle Scouts off my lawn.
"
8952,47,The President,": Don't tell me what I want you anti-American piece of shit! You terrorist!
"
8953,47,Rick,": You know, you use that word so much it's lost all meaning, Mr. P. It's like, at this point, what's a terrorist? It's a guy you don't like. Big deal.
"
8954,47,Rick,": Told you to stand down. You just lost two soldiers over here. Good men. Might be time to look at the terrorist in the mirror.
"
8955,47,The President,": You want a war?! I'll put your outer-space ass in a goddamn Phantom Zone with a bar of kryptonite soap around your neck. You're done, Sanchez! You hear me?
"
8956,47,Rick,": Oof. He's really pissed this time.
"
8957,47,Summer,": Why don't you guys just fuck and get it over with.
"
8958,47,Rick,": Okay, well thank you, Summer, but I think I've got a better option.
"
8959,47,Beth,": Dad, no.
"
8960,47,Rick,": Ehh, hands are tied, sweetie. I have to turn myself into a turkey and trick the President into giving me a Presidential turkey pardon.
"
8961,47,Jerry,": Again? How many times have you done this?
"
8962,47,Rick,": I don't know, Jerry, how many years have I lived here? Careful how you answer that.
"
8963,47,Morty,": Geez, Rick, y'know, y-you've done this a lot. Don't you think the President might see it coming this time?
"
8964,47,Rick,": He probably will, Morty. That's all part of the dance. In the past, I've inserted myself into the potential turkey pardonee population by brainwashing the presidential turkey wrangler prior to the ceremony.
"
8965,47,The President,": But this time, the turkey wrangler's been euthanized and the turkeys will be transported by armored military vehicles.
"
8966,47,Rick,": Vehicles manufactured by ghost corporations that I control.
"
8967,47,The President,": Which we have audited.
"
8968,47,Rick,": Allowing me access to...
"
8969,47,The President,": Central computer...
"
8970,47,Rick,": To track the...
"
8971,47,The President,": Real armored transports, which he can never...
"
8972,47,Rick,": Totally track and sneak aboard.
"
8973,47,The President,": And even if he does, he'll be on a truck full of turkeys and fully armed marines.
"
8974,47,Rick,": Who won't recognize me because the human eye is inherently face blind to turkeys.
"
8975,47,The President,": Fortunately, those marines won't have human eyes. They'll have turkey eyes.
"
8976,47,Dwayne,": Jesus ever-loving Christ, why don't you two just fuck and get it over with?
"
8977,47,The President,": Careful, Dwayne. You're only Vice President because I need 10% of the white vote.
"
8978,47,Dwayne,": There's a giant French assassin attacking New York, and you're using the war room to measure dicks with your alcoholic sci-fi boyfriend?
"
8979,47,The President,": Rick Sanchez is more dangerous than some steam-powered French bitch, and New York can handle its own global emergencies. General? Initiate Operation Deep Gobble.
"
8980,47,Mary Lou,": Coop, not on Thanksgiving.
"
8981,47,Coop,": It's what I trained for, Mary Lou.
"
8982,47,Mary Lou,": It ain't our fight.
"
8983,47,Coop,": Baby. That little race car driver you got bakin' in your belly. What world would you want him rearin' up in? One where some... spiky-haired Doctor Who in a lab coat can change the color of the sky? Or a world where he can fill his pickup with hot dogs and drive it to a jukebox full of our demographic's current favorite music?
"
8984,47,Mary Lou,": Obviously the latter, but --
"
8985,47,Coop,": Well, that world, Mary Lou, the one with those meals, vehicles and songs people in this 30-mile area prefer... that world needs a few good men. In a secret Pentagon lab. Turning into turkeys.
"
8986,47,Mary Lou,": You come back without feathers, Coop.
"
8987,47,Bartender,": God, I love this country.
"
8988,47,General,": These pills contain tracking chips that identify each of you as individuals. That will be important later. 
"
8989,47,Turkeyfied Marine 1, 
8990,47,Turkeyfied Marine 2,": Let me look at you, scum. get outta here, you wobbleneck.
"
8991,47,Turkeyfied Marine 3, 
8992,47,Turkeyfied Marine 1, 
8993,47,Mr President,": Stay frosty, gentlemen. I want this pardoning pipeline airtight. 
"
8994,47,Soldier,": Sir! We have hacked the garage door. We are in. Eyes on the bogey.
"
8995,47,Mr President,": Or you've got eyes on a robot.
"
8996,47,Soldier,": All due respect, sir, I know flesh when I see it!
"
8997,47,Turkeyfied Rick,": Those flesh-covered [burps] robots should buy us some time. The pardonable turkeys should be on that truck. Ship, go stealth.
"
8998,47,Turkeyfied Marine 1, 
8999,47,Turkeyfied Rick,": Huh. Turkey Marines. The President came to play. Jam those two radios. 
"
9000,47,Ship,": Confirmed.
"
9001,47,Turkeyfied Marine 1, 
9002,47,Turkeyfied Rick,": Copy, copy, tango, all good. Just a couple of branches on the roof.
"
9003,47,Turkeyfied Marine 1, 
9004,47,Flesh Rick/Morty,": We will not/never surrender.
"
9005,47,General,": Oh yeah? Bring in the David Blaine box.
"
9006,47,Summer,": Damn, is that a David Blaine box?
"
9007,47,Jerry,": I told you we should have just gone to my parents' house.
"
9008,47,Beth,": No, you didn't.
"
9009,47,Jerry,": Well, I didn't say it out loud, but it should be well known by now that I'd always rather be there.
"
9010,47,Flesh Rick,": Oh, God, oh no!
"
9011,47,Flesh Morty,": Aw, geez, Rick!
"
9012,47,General,": Sir, we've got Rick and Morty inside the box!
"
9013,47,The President,": Then that confirms it.
"
9014,47,General,": Sir?
"
9015,47,The President,": No David Blaine box can hold Rick Sanchez. Scan the turkey truck!
"
9016,47,Marine,": Huh. That's weird. ID chips for Fincher and Rodriguez are glitching. 
"
9017,47,The President,": Sanchez... I'll deal with this bastard myself.
"
9018,47,General,": Sir, don't be a cowboy. You can't get re-elected dead.
"
9019,47,Scientist,": System is calibrated, sir. That pill contains a tracking chip that will identify --
"
9020,47,The President,": I know, it'll be important later! Do it.
"
9021,48,"Rick, Morty, and Summer","(singing) Boob World! Boob World! It's a world for you, but it's actually two. Boob World!"
9022,48,Summer,"I gotta say, Morty, it's weird that you wanted me to come, but I'm actually ""exstyched"" about it. That's ""excited"", ""stoked"", and ""psyched""."
9023,48,Morty,I didn't want you to come. Talk to Rick.
9024,48,Rick,"Truth is, Summer, Boob World's been at the center of a few protests every day for 30 years, so they've recently rebranded as a ""boob empowerment experience"", and if we bring a female, we get in for free."
9025,48,Summer,"So, I'm like, what, a Coke can you're taking to Six Flags?"
9026,48,Morty,"No, 'cause once you get into Six Flags, you can throw your Coke can away."
9027,48,Rick,No fuckin' way. It can't be.
9028,48,Rick,"Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!"
9029,48,Morty,"Oh, look at that."
9030,48,Summer,What is it?
9031,48,Morty,A Gotron Ferret.
9032,48,Rick,"It's not a Gotron Ferret, Morty, it's THE Blue Gotron Ferret! (throws skeleton of former pilot out) Boob World is canceled."
9033,48,Morty,"No! Rick! No, you promised! You always do this."
9034,48,Rick,"Tell you what, Morty, I'll let you choose, do you really think Boob World —"
9035,48,Morty,Yes.
9036,48,Rick,Let me finish. — is more important —
9037,48,Morty,Yes!
9038,48,Rick,Let me finish! — than having all five of the only five Gotron Ferrets in the universe?
9039,48,Morty,Are you finished? Yes! So let's go.
9040,48,Rick,"Summer, help me hook the winch up to the ferret."
9041,48,Summer,Sure.
9042,48,Morty,What the hell? You said you were letting me choose.
9043,48,Rick,"Yeah, whether to break my fucking heart. You chose badly. (walks away with Summer)"
9044,48,Morty voiceover,That's how it all began. To my sister it was just another game. But what she didn't know —
9045,48,Summer voiceover,That was the moment everything changed.
9046,48,Morty voiceover,"Wait, what?"
9047,48,Summer voiceover,"I had gotten my first taste of respect, and my first voiceover."
9048,48,Morty voiceover,I can hear you. Can you hear me?
9049,48,Summer voiceover,"And I knew then and there, I wanted more of both."
9050,48,Morty voiceover,Hello?
9051,48,Rick,"Beth, Jerry, do something fun with us! A giant monster's attacking in the Nibblenug system. Your suits are in the bathroom."
9052,48,Morty,Mine smells skeleton-y.
9053,48,Jerry,I have a chiropractor appointment.
9054,48,Beth,What are you involving us in?
9055,48,Morty,"Rick's been collecting Gotron Ferrets, and now that he has all five, he can combine them into —"
9056,48,Rick,"Morty, for Christ's sake, spoilers!"
9057,48,Summer,"Spoilers, Morty! We don't need to sell this to anyone, there's a giant monster attacking."
9058,48,Beth,"In the Nibblenug system. Since when does this house care about alien lives, we don't even watch"
9059,48,Rick,Told you. Let's just get Gene from next door and a homeless guy.
9060,48,Summer,"No, hold on, fuck Gene, fuck the homeless. Your kids and their grandpa are asking you to do an activity with them, when did that stop being a parent's wettest dream?"
9061,48,Beth,I guess around the time our family created a giant incest baby and the government launched it into space.
9062,48,Summer,"Oh my god, we made a giant incest baby. Oh my god, you might be a clone. I exist because you guys failed to abort me. We get the family we get, not the one we want, and if you want to keep the one you got, get your asses into some anime spacesuits!"
9063,48,Jerry,Fair enough.
9064,48,Beth,Okay.
9065,48,Rick,"Good work, Summer-camp."
9066,48,Morty,"Yeah, I'm ""excitoked"" about this."
9067,48,Rick,Sure you are. Now.
9068,48,Morty voiceover,"Something new was forming, and I was at the bottom of it."
9069,48,Summer voiceover,"I let Morty have his voiceover, it's really all he had left."
9070,48,Morty voiceover,"Okay, can you hear me, or not?"
9071,48,Summer voiceover,"You mean, can I, Summer, hear you? No, my voiceover can hear your voiceover."
9072,48,Morty voiceover,What's the difference?
9073,48,Summer voiceover,"One would be telepathy, dumbass."
9074,48,Beth,Now what?
9075,48,Rick,Now we —
9076,48,"Rick, Morty, and Summer",Go Team Gotron!
9077,48,Jerry,Where are we zip lining through futuristic metallic tunnels to?
9078,48,Rick,Each robot ferret is on a different location on Earth. You're going to the center of a volcano.
9079,48,Jerry,Thank... you?
9080,48,Beth,"Okay, well, this isn't not fun."
9081,48,Rick,"Regroup on me, I'll shoot a portal to Nibblenug."
9082,48,Jerry,Did I just monorail from my kitchen to Hawaii just to regroup in outer space above my kitchen?
9083,48,Rick,"Uh, Summer?"
9084,48,Summer,"It's cool, Dad, shut up."
9085,48,Rick,"Everybody, attack one at a time."
9086,48,Beth,Is that the best way to —
9087,48,Rick,Tee up something awesome? Yes. Follow me.
9088,48,Rick,"Guys, we did our best, but there's only one hope. Activating linkdock, intermorphs, ratify, postatrinos, maximize."
9089,48,Rick,"Holy shit, I can't believe this is working. Go, Go-Team! It's Gotron Time!"
9090,48,Jerry,"Oh, my god. Hell, yes!"
9091,48,Summer,This is amazing!
9092,48,Rick,"Okay, now we can knock it around a little bit, but trust me, we're still building to something."
9093,48,Beth,How do we —
9094,48,Rick,"Just hit buttons, we're too big to fail!"
9095,48,Beth,"Wooah! I kicked him, that was me, right?"
9096,48,Morty,Uppercut!
9097,48,Jerry,I can't believe I almost went to the chiropractor.
9098,48,Rick,I've been waiting a long time for this. Form Luminous Energy Sword!
9099,48,Rick,"Got your ass, mamma-jamma!"
9100,48,Morty,"Oh, that was fantastic!"
9101,48,Jerry,(???)
9102,48,Summer,"(???) ...tits, Grandpa."
9103,48,Beth,Suck tits!
9104,48,Beth,I was a foot! I was a goddamn (???) foot!
9105,48,Summer,"We were like, ""Bwaaah""!"
9106,48,Jerry,"'Member when the sword was like, ""Bwaaah""?"
9107,48,Morty,I feel so alive!
9108,48,Morty voiceover,"These were the good times, when we felt like we could do anything. But anything is never quite everything, and pretty soon..."
9109,48,Rick,"Tch, that was nothing. Nothing compared to what I can do. There are infinite universes where I still don't have all five ferrets. Those versions of me would do anything to complete their collections."
9110,48,Morty,"Okay, but Rick? Remember what you told me to remind you? Sometimes enough is..."
9111,48,Rick,Sometimes enough is enough.
9112,48,Summer,"Morty, what are you doing?"
9113,48,Morty,"He gets obsessed, Summer."
9114,48,Summer,When are you going to find your shame?
9115,48,Morty,I have more?
9116,48,Summer,"Grandpa just gave everybody the high point of their lives, and before he did, every single one of you was trying to talk him out of it."
9117,48,Rick,"Wait, yeah. What the fuck?"
9118,48,Summer,"Now he says we can go higher, and big surprise, it's time to drag him down again."
9119,48,Beth,"Well, I vote."
9120,48,Summer,"No voting, no debate, it's not a democracy, it's a Rick-public. You're in or you're out."
9121,48,Beth,"Obviously, I'm in, I never said I wasn't in."
9122,48,Jerry,"Me, neither. Tell us what we're doin' next!"
9123,48,Rick,I want to put together a cookout.
9124,48,Jerry,That's it? I was honestly prepared to blow someone.
9125,48,Beth,Jerry.
9126,48,Jerry,"I said prepared, and someone."
9127,48,Morty voiceover,"Rick invited five versions of our family from different universes, each with incomplete Gotrons. I didn't have anyone to talk to, since the other four Mortys had been to Boob World."
9128,48,Morty 1,Did you walk on the beach?
9129,48,Morty 2,The beach that's all boobs?
9130,48,Morty 1,"No, the beach that's all sand. Yes, the boob one!"
9131,48,Morty voiceover,"Rick was in the garage with the heads of the five families. ...Ugh, and Summer."
9132,48,Summer voiceover,"In that first sit-down, it was Big Fat Rick; Ricardo Montoya; Hothead Rick, he got that name because he was prone to dramatic outbursts; and Little Ricky Wrap-it-up, who was always great at the end of a meeting. At the head of it all"
9133,48,Big Fat Rick,"Eh, don't get me wrong, C-137. We're happy for your good fortune, but we did not travel to your universe just to have it rubbed in our faces."
9134,48,Rick,"C'mon, Big Fat Rick, you know your face is too small to rub anything on."
9135,48,Big Fat Rick,My face is the same size as yours.
9136,48,Rick,"Wow, huh. Hold on."
9137,48,Rick,"I'll be damned. You're so fat, it's an optical illusion. Summer, give him the pitch."
9138,48,Summer,We're offering to help each of your families complete their full Gotrons.
9139,48,Big Fat Rick,Gabaloccia!
9140,48,Ricardo Montoya,(???) ...what?
9141,48,Little Ricky,Opa!
9142,48,Summer,In exchange for some concessions.
9143,48,Ricardo Montoya,Ever since I was a little boy in the slums I have dreamed of having a complete Gotron. But concessions? I hope you mean the kind from a counter. I hope she means ice cream!
9144,48,Big Fat Rick,Gabalo-guccia!
9145,48,Little Ricky,Opa!
9146,48,Rick,"We'd like you to move your families to this universe and let me make some modifications to the Gotrons, in the interest of us all working together."
9147,48,Hothead Rick,Wanna know what I think?
9148,48,Rick,"Sure, Hothead Rick. Just don't unexpectedly fly off the handle."
9149,48,Hothead Rick,I think you guys got a lotta nerve actin' better than us! This is the family that made a giant incest baby! Had the government launch it into space! It's still floatin' around out there somewhere!
9150,48,Rick,Are we ever gonna live that down?
9151,48,Hothead Rick,When I get a full Gotron it won't be by kissin' your ass! It'll be by takin' what's mine! Yours! (spits on the ground)
9152,48,Rick,"Hey, gross! No need."
9153,48,Jerry,And you were driving a ferret? 
9154,48,Hothead Rick,"We all are, moron! Gimme the key!"
9155,48,Hothead Rick,"You'll regret this, you level-headed fuck! (leaves through a portal)"
9156,48,Summer,"(closes the garage) Obviously, we predicted that might happen, which is why we have Yo-Yo Rick on standby."
9157,48,Rick,Anybody got beef with Yo-Yo?
9158,48,Ricardo Montoya,"Eh, I'm okay. I'm okay with that."
9159,48,Big Fat Rick,"Good, that's good."
9160,48,Rick,"Some people think he's lame, but to me, he's lame in a cool way, because he owns it. Cool. That concludes business. Little Ricky Wrap-it-up?"
9161,48,Little Ricky,"Raise 'em up, boys! Opa!"
9162,48,Summer voiceover,"And so we helped our people find their ferrets. How they got 'em, not our problem."
9163,48,Summer voiceover,"Then we got down to business. Here's how it worked. If a giant monster attacked our planet, y'all got the alert."
9164,48,Summer voiceover,We formed five Gotrons. And those Gotrons formed the Gogotron.
9165,48,Smith family,"Go, Gogotron!"
9166,48,Rick,I will never get sick of this!
9167,48,Summer voiceover,"If you were a giant monster at that time in our universe, you never had a chance!"
9168,48,Yo-Yo Rick,Mine needs a weapon like a yo-yo. And a yo-yo on the chest. Are you listening to me? I need you to respect this partnership!
9169,48,Summer voiceover,"I kept Rick removed from the ugly stuff. If you got in his way, I got you out of the way."
9170,48,Summer voiceover,And that made more room to move up.
9171,48,Rick,"The head of my right arm. (Summer is given a Gotron key, and embraces him)"
9172,48,Morty voiceover,"Me, I ended up the left foot of the left foot, I guess because our robot didn't have an asshole."
9173,48,Summer voiceover,"Well, it had one."
9174,48,Morty,"Bitch! When are you going to stop breaking my balls? You win, okay?"
9175,48,Summer,"We're not competing, Morty. And there's your answer. I could move you up if I could trust you to put family first."
9176,48,Morty,How is that putting family first?
9177,48,Rick,Show me all the blueprints! Show me all the blueprints!
9178,48,Summer,"I agree, that's an issue. Big Fat Rick, his flask stays full, or your locker gets emptied, thanks."
9179,48,Morty,"I know it feels good when he likes you, but that doesn't mean him liking you makes you good."
9180,48,Summer,"Solid babble, Morty, like a fortune cookie written by Borat."
9181,48,Morty,"Yeah, I'm not as smart as you, that's why I know you know what I mean."
9182,48,Summer,"You mean if I really loved my family, I'd give control of it back to your jealous ass? Green Ferret 4 needs a wash and we're out of detergent."
9183,48,Morty,I just bought a box.
9184,48,Summer,And Grandpa snorted it because you make him feel fenced in.
9185,48,Rick,Sum-sum! (points to nose and drinks)
9186,48,Summer,Get two boxes.
9187,48,Summer voiceover,"We evacuated one of the planets we saved and found a secret nightclub on it. A place no enemies could find us, unless you count my brother."
9188,48,Morty voiceover,"I didn't even have my own ferret anymore. Summer made me somethin' called an ""Associate Security Chief"", whatever the hell that means."
9189,48,Rick,"Look at this guy. Ha-ha. And look at this guy. Look at this guy over here! (grabs Little Ricky) Meow-meow-meow, meow, meow-meow!"
9190,48,Rick,"Oh, there she is, my baby princess, get up here. Stop the music!"
9191,48,Rick,"This is our queef — our queen. She saved my life, she set me free, we wouldn't have what we have without this crazy bitch. And she's got a special announcement. (lowers the mic to Summer) Summer, tell 'em what we talked about."
9192,48,Summer,Now? I don't think —
9193,48,Rick,"Okay, I'll do it, goddamn."
9194,48,Morty voiceover,"The new job did have some perks, like I got to be around the night Summer realized she was in over her head."
9195,48,Rick,"Yeah, okay. I've got 90 extra ferrets, which means I need 10 more, and then 4 of you get your own Gogotron, and 20% of you get a Gotron, 'cause we're all gonna have a fuckin' Gogogotron!"
9196,48,Summer,He's very excited. Um... (cues Little Ricky)
9197,48,Little Ricky,Opa! (raises his glass)
9198,48,Morty,"Oh, I hate my family."
9199,48,Anime Guy 1,You should. Get in.
9200,48,Anime Guy 1,"How's it going with your grandpa's compulsiveness? Is your sister still enabling it, huh?"
9201,48,Morty,Who are you people?
9202,48,Anime Guy 2,"Let's just say, we're the rightful owners of these ferrets."
9203,48,Morty,Then why were they scattered and buried across the universe?
9204,48,Kendra,"We mean, in a more general, cultural sense, ehh!"
9205,48,Anime Guy 1,"What your grandpa did is called appropriation! Not cool, heugh!"
9206,48,Kendra,"Look, Morty. We've been watching. We know you're the one that knows what's best. Work with us from the inside. Help us take over this operation. We're literally designed for it, mm-hmm?"
9207,48,Anime Guy 2,"Nobody will know it was you, then you can get back to what's important. (opens suitcase)"
9208,48,Morty,Are those Boob Bucks?
9209,48,Kendra,"Legal tender at every kiosk and ride, huh?"
9210,48,Morty,"I can't. Summer's treating me like shit, but, she's still my sister."
9211,48,Anime Guy 1,"That's really noble, Morty. If you were in our family, your loyalty would be rewarded. But you're not in our family, which means we can kill you."
9212,48,Morty,"Oh, yeah?"
9213,48,Morty voiceover,"And sure enough, just when I stuck my neck out for the family, it got stomped on, anyway."
9214,48,Summer,Rick!
9215,48,Morty,Mom! Dad!
9216,48,Hothead Rick,"Hothead Rick, baby!"
9217,48,Hothead Rick,Aaaugh! I set myself up for that! Aaugh!
9218,48,Rick,What the hell happened?
9219,48,Summer,Hothead Rick.
9220,48,Beth,How did he get so close to us?
9221,48,Summer,Morty was supposed to be security.
9222,48,Rick,Morty!
9223,48,Morty,"I stepped away, all right? But not to let that happen!"
9224,48,Jerry,"Morty! We're not attractive strangers next to you on a flight to Paris traveling alone to get over a breakup, so this is no time to be coy!"
9225,48,Little Ricky,Opa!
9226,48,Summer,Little Ricky!
9227,48,Little Ricky,"I'm all wrapped up, Summer. Ohh..."
9228,48,Morty,"Guys, I know you don't trust me, but what have we become? Why are we doing this anymore?"
9229,48,Jerry,"Because it's fun, you little rat! Now go home and play video games while we clean up these bodies, or your mother and I will hire people to break your knees!"
9230,48,Beth,"This is $16,000 we got from the Deep State for stepping on that trailer park. It should be enough for school, lunch, and home repairs. Now I gotta turn my back on you."
9231,48,Morty,No! (cries and drops the cash)
9232,48,Summer voiceover,"With Morty out of the way, things were looking up. But looks aren't everything."
9233,48,New Jerry,"Hi, Summer. Umm, my cockpit's not getting Wi-Fi..."
9234,48,Summer,"Dad, you know that's not what I do around here."
9235,48,New Jerry,"Oh, I'm not your dad. I'm a version of him, and this is my first day here, I'm not sure what you do around here."
9236,48,Summer,"Then, fuck off."
9237,48,New Jerry,"Oh, fuck you."
9238,48,Summer,Excuse me? I want your ID.
9239,48,Summer,Mom. Are you Mom? Can you control your working Jerrys?
9240,48,Working Beth,"Sweetie, we're all a little overwhelmed."
9241,48,Summer,"Good point. You're not a war-time mom, why don't you find your version of Dad and take a break, take a holiday?"
9242,48,Summer,"I don't have time to wait for your confirmation, so let's just say, if you're here in 10 minutes, I'll have you removed."
9243,48,Rick,And then the Gotrons make the Gotrons make the Gotrons make the Gotrons.
9244,48,Summer,"Couple of snags, but I know how to speed things up."
9245,48,Summer,Remember how we talked about how the best thing we could do for the family is recruit from outside the family?
9246,48,Rick,"Yes, way ahead of you. Summer, I want you to meet Kendra."
9247,48,Rick,"She's from a temp agency. She's got an entire workforce ready to go, and all of them have previous giant robot pilot experience. So, we'll be ready to go ahead of schedule."
9248,48,Summer,"Well, I don't know about that, but..."
9249,48,Rick,"Well, Kendra knows, so."
9250,48,Summer,So...
9251,48,Morty,You're here to break my legs?
9252,48,Jerry,"No, we're here to talk shit about your sister, because she just fired us."
9253,48,Morty,You're kidding.
9254,48,Beth,Arrogant little bitch.
9255,48,Jerry,Should we clip her?
9256,48,Beth,"No, she's not worth doing time."
9257,48,Jerry,You wouldn't do time. You brought her into the world.
9258,48,Beth,So I can take her out. You thought that was an actual lot (???)? It's a joke mothers say. What kind of fucked-up world have you been living in?
9259,48,Jerry,"Uh, one where your mother murdering you isn't a comedic premise?"
9260,48,Morty,"Guys. There's a little adjustment period, but pretty soon you're gonna return to normal, and you're not gonna wanna kill Summer, you're not even gonna be mad at her."
9261,48,Beth,"Nah, fuck her. She's my enemy."
9262,48,Jerry,Should we kill ourselves so we can get to hell before her and hide near the entrance?
9263,48,Beth,"Hmm, I like that."
9264,48,Summer,Rick fired me.
9265,48,Jerry,"Aww, baby..."
9266,48,Beth,"Aww, sweetie..."
9267,48,Summer,I'm sorry.
9268,48,Beth,"Are you okay, baby? What happened to us? We lost our minds."
9269,48,Summer,I did it. Morty was right. I got addicted to making Grandpa happy.
9270,48,Beth,It's only because your grandpa inflates the value of his happiness.
9271,48,Jerry,"Eh, that's a good point. I mean, look at me, I'm easy to make happy, which is why nobody gives a shit if I am."
9272,48,Summer,"I appreciate it, but there's something else, too. I've been really sensitive about family lately because of something I've been keeping secret."
9273,48,Beth,Oh.
9274,48,Jerry,"Okay, who's on the Supreme Court and what state do we live in, it's been years since I thought about this."
9275,48,Summer,"No, I'm not pregnant, but as you guys recall, and as a lot of people keep bringing up, Morty and I did accidentally create a giant incest baby, which the government did launch into space. And, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but, it is still alive, and I have been in contact with it."
9276,48,Summer,"There were soldiers waiting for me outside school last month, and they took me to the Pentagon and briefed me, and from there I was shuttled to a secret base on Mars. They had captured him and wanted to see if he'd respond to me. instinctively, being his mother. And he sure did, but what they didn't expect was that I'd respond to him. I was supposed to help discipline him so they could turn him into the ultimate weapon. Instead, I trained him to love, to believe in himself, and finally, to escape."
9277,48,Summer,"The government doesn't want anyone to know it happened, but it's only a matter of time before the story comes out, and when it does, all we're going to have is each other, and you guys are a couple, and Rick has Morty, but I'm the odd one out, so I wanted to make sure we stuck together. But instead I drove us apart and Rick replaced me with an anime girl, so all I got is myself and my giant tortured government-trained rogue incest monster baby out there in space somewhere."
9278,48,Jerry,"Aww, baby. Holy fuck. And then you have to wonder, what else are they doing with our taxes?"
9279,48,Morty,"Wait, Summer, what did you just say?"
9280,48,Summer,"Morty, a lot."
9281,48,Morty,"He replaced you with an anime girl? Big eyes, plus signs for teeth, ends sentences with weird sounds that don't fit?"
9282,48,Summer,"Yeah, and that's going to be his whole crew now, and they're about to run their first test on the Gogogotron."
9283,48,Morty,"Those people wanna steal the robot. They're gonna kill Rick! He's all alone, we've gotta go save him!"
9284,48,Summer,"Right. Or, you know, fuck him."
9285,48,Jerry,I'm good with that.
9286,48,Beth,Yep. Fuck him.
9287,48,Morty,"Guys! A great leader once told me, you get the family you get."
9288,48,Rick,Right. It works. Now we just gotta find a giant monster.
9289,48,Kendra,"My sensors have picked one up, Rick."
9290,48,Rick,"Okay, okay. Lock onto its location."
9291,48,Kendra,"Yeah, got it. Oh, it's you!"
9292,48,Rick,Huh?
9293,48,Rick,What the hell is this?
9294,48,Kendra,"Thanks for making the biggest robot ever, Rick. We'll take it from here. Haha!"
9295,48,Rick,You little assholes!
9296,48,Anime Guy 1,Ah! You son of a bitch!
9297,48,Rick,No!
9298,48,Rick,Deuugh!
9299,48,Kendra,"Lock and load, boys."
9300,48,Rick,Say hello to my little me. (starts shooting at the anime people with a Rick-shaped laser gun)
9301,48,Rick's gun,Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!
9302,48,Anime Guy 1,Deagh!
9303,48,Rick's gun,Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!
9304,48,Rick,Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
9305,48,Rick's gun,Bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang-bang!
9306,48,Rick,Ha-ha-ha-ha!
9307,48,Rick's gun,Bang-bang-bang-bang—
9308,48,Rick,Yaugh!
9309,48,Kendra,"Give up, old man. The G3 is ours. And last I checked, your family wasn't coming to save you, hmm?"
9310,48,Incest Baby,"Ga-ga, goo-goo!"
9311,48,Kendra,Holy mother of mercy!
9312,48,Rick,"My God, it's beautiful."
9313,48,Summer,"Yeah, family!"
9314,48,Kendra,Is that—
9315,48,Rick,"It's exactly what it looks like, yes."
9316,48,Anime Guy 1,"Congrats, man. I see the resemblance."
9317,48,Kendra,Form the energy sword. Activate the goddamn sword!
9318,48,Morty,"Oh, man. The sword? Maybe we didn't think this through."
9319,48,Beth,"They're not actually gonna attack a space baby, are they?"
9320,48,Summer,"I never thought I'd be the one to say this, but you need to watch more anime, Mom."
9321,48,Summer,"Whoa, easy now, Naruto."
9322,48,Naruto,Momma go bye-bye.
9323,48,Kendra,"What the hell is wrong with you people? You just have an incest space monster in your back pocket, huh?"
9324,48,Rick,Welcome to the Smith family.
9325,48,Summer,"Shit. Put that down, Naruto. Your great grandpa is in there."
9326,48,Morty,What do you say? One last zip line?
9327,48,Rick,"Heugh. (Summer secures his helmet) Incest space baby, nicely done."
9328,48,Morty voiceover,"After that, things pretty much went back to normal. Some version of it, anyway."
9329,48,Morty voiceover,"Rick said Gotrons were lame little kid bullshit, and we never talked about 'em again."
9330,48,Summer voiceover,"Except all those gigantic space bugs were runnin' loose, and there were no Gotrons left to fight them."
9331,48,Morty voiceover,"Yeah, millions die every day."
9332,48,Summer voiceover,You wanna know what they could never kill? Family.
9333,48,Jerry,Help! Help! I'm still out here! Aaagh!
9334,48,Morty voiceover,"Yep, nothin's more important than —"
9335,48,Morty,"Hey! Hey, whoa-whoa-whoa!"
9336,48,Summer,Eugh!
9337,48,Morty voiceover,"And just like that, I knew our goose was as cooked as —"
9338,48,Rick,Voiceovarians. Eugh.
9339,48,(Post-credit scene,Somatski (???) enters the bug meeting room)
9340,48,Sergeant,"Somatski, you're late!"
9341,48,Somatski,Won't happen again! Sir!
9342,48,Sergeant,"Bugs! Look to your left. Now look to your right. None of you are coming back. Not one, in the entire history of this program, not a single bug has returned. All right, bring it in."
9343,48,Sergeant,What are we?
9344,48,Bugs,Normal-sized bugs!
9345,48,Sergeant,What do we do?
9346,48,Bugs,Travel through an interdimensional gateway to planets and tiny people!
9347,48,Sergeant,Why do we do it?
9348,48,Bugs,To spread the cure for AIDS!
9349,48,Palicki,"Hey, Sarge, how do we know if these little people can understand us? I mean, do they even speak Buginese?"
9350,48,Sergeant,"Funny, Palicki. That's why we say it very loud. Guys, you'll still be the same civilized bug on their side. It's not like interdimensional travel strips us of our clothes and makes us screaming monsters. Or, maybe it does, impossible to know. Now get out of here!"
9351,48,Somatski (thinking),My clothes... Where'd they go?
9352,48,Somatski (in subtitles),"OWW! Stop shooting me! Okay, here goes. ONE PART LEMON JUICE! FOUR BAY LEAVES! A PINCH OF SEA SALT!"
9353,49,Rick,": Yeah, yeah. Wait what? Emergency numbers on the fridge; what does that even mean?
"
9354,49,Beth,": Honestly, I don't even know. There's so many movies that start with the parents leaving- it just popped right out of my mouth. Are you sure you don't wanna come with us?
"
9355,49,Rick,": Naw, go- get outta here.  I've got a million things I've been putting off.
"
9356,49,Morty,": Are you sure Rick? I know- I know a cruise doesn't sound like an adventure on paper but what does? I- It's paper!
"
9357,49,Rick,": Morty, I'm trying to stay humble right now, but as soon as you guys are gone the potential for a new Pickle Rick starts skyrocketing. Peace. Bye.
"
9358,49,(Summer and Morty),": K. Bye.
"
9359,49,Rick,": Bye! 
"
9360,49,The Garage AI,": IONIC COASTER DEPLOYED.
"
9361,49,Rick,": Okay, bring him out.
"
9362,49,The Garage AI,": INITIATING BEST FRIEND REJUVINATION SEQUENCE.
"
9363,49,Rick,": Excuse me? Did I pick that name?
"
9364,49,The Garage AI,": SEQUENCE WAS UNNAMED. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO CALL THIS? PAUSE DETECTED. PAUSE GRAVITY CLASS: HEAVY. APPROACHING PAUSE PREGNANCY IN P-MINUS 5-
"
9365,49,Rick,": Jesus fucking Christ.
"
9366,49,The Garage AI,": 4-
"
9367,51,Alien woman:," It’s the crowmad!
"
9368,51,Owl 1:," Give it a second. Maybe he’s taking it out to surrender.
"
9369,51,Short alien man:," He’s anti-heroic, run!
"
9370,51,Owl 2:," I don’t understand.
"
9371,51,Owl 3:," He’s only one man!
"
9372,51,Rick:," With the power of a thousand crows!
"
9373,51,Owl 3:," Good luck.
"
9374,51,Owl 2:," Crows and owls have always been at war, but why do you care? What’s the point?
"
9375,51,Rick:," Here’s two.
"
9376,51,Morty:," Haha, yeah, cool.
"
9377,51,Rick:," Morty?
"
9378,51,Morty:," H-hey man. G-good to see you. Y-you’re like, looking like, into crows. Still.
"
9379,51,Rick:," Oh, uh, two crows, you remember Morty. Morty, two crows. It’s good to see you, but give me more of a heads-up.
"
9380,51,Morty:," Oh well I-I was just in the neighborhood, i-it wasn’t like—
"
9381,51,Rick:," It’s just that the battle for crows is kinda never-ending.
"
9382,51,Morty:," Huh. Right. A little pointless then, right? That… came out wrong. S-sounded judgey.
"
9383,51,Crow-horse:," Crow-horse. Crow-horse. Crow-horse.
"
9384,51,Two crows:," Caw, caw, caw.
"
9385,51,Morty:," Okay. It looks like— it looks like they’re leading you to a thing.
"
9386,51,Rick:," Take care, Morty.
"
9387,51,Morty:," You-you too. U-uh I’m doing good, by the way. Oh, my dad was gonna eat that yogurt you left in the fridge, but I-I told him—
"
9388,51,Rick:, Ahem. I’m lookin’ for 
9389,51,Rick:," Fine, I can kill an extra asshole. Helps me get my steps in.
"
9390,51,Morty:," Rick!
"
9391,51,Rick:," Morty?
"
9392,51,Pussifer:," Wood?!
"
9393,51,Pussifer:," Gahhh!
"
9394,51,Rick:," Uh, Morty. Why are you now like forty?
"
9395,51,Morty:," Th-that’s how long it’s been, Rick.
"
9396,51,Rick:," Oh. Um, I guess we can have a drink together then.
"
9397,51,Morty:," Do you have a rum and coke?
"
9398,51,Waiter:," What are you, twenty?
"
9399,51,Morty:," Oh-ho-ho. Bless your heart.
"
9400,51,Rick:," Time be going by, don’t she?
"
9401,51,Morty:," That’s your reaction to finding out you wasted your entire life?
"
9402,51,Rick:," I feel okay.
"
9403,51,Morty:," Well-well, what about me?
"
9404,51,Rick:," Woah. Excuse us boys, you don’t wanna be here for this.
"
9405,51,Two crows:," Caw.
"
9406,51,Morty:," I thought if I gave you enough space, you’d outgrow this phase.
"
9407,51,Waiter:," Here’s your drink, poser.
"
9408,51,Morty:, 
9409,51,Rick:," Morty, what we had wasn’t healthy.
"
9410,51,Morty:," And this is? Y-y-you had a thousand adventures with these crows. When are you gonna kill their Big Bad?
"
9411,51,Rick:," First off, the will-they kill-they is everything to my guys. And second, fuck you for trying to undermine my happiness.
"
9412,51,Morty:," This may be the last time you lay eyes on me!
"
9413,51,Rick:," I hope that’s not true, Morty. Because you look like sh-urrp-shit, and this is not how I wanna remember you.
"
9414,51,Crowscare:," Now that I have his two crows, nothing will stop me from eliminating Crow Rick!
"
9415,51,Two crows:," Caw, caw, caw.
"
9416,51,Crowscare:," Don’t defend him to me, I don’t even get what you see in him.
"
9417,51,Two crows:," Caw, caw.
"
9418,51,Crowscare:," You’re right, we should be enjoying the time we have together.
"
9419,51,Crowscare:," Crow Rick!
"
9420,51,Two crows:," Caw.
"
9421,51,Crowscare:," Oh, I know what this must look like but— 
"
9422,51,Rick:," Looks like my arch-nemesis Crowscare and my sidekicks planning adventures together.
"
9423,51,Crowscare:," You are hardly the victim here. I was adventuring with these two crows before you ever came along.
"
9424,51,Two crows:," Caw, caw, caw.
"
9425,51,Rick:," What do you mean, ‘using me as a rebound’?
"
9426,51,Two crows:," Caw.
"
9427,51,Rick:," You feel like I was using you as a rebound too? Well shit, this lost all meaning. Guess it could’ve been worse. At least ‘adventuring’ was just a metaphor for romantic partnership so it’s not a real breakup.
"
9428,51,Crowscare:," Speak for yourself. We immensely enjoy each other’s bodies.
"
9429,51,Rick:," What?! Eugh, no!
"
9430,51,Crowscare:," Sounds like the man’s asking for proof! Let’s show him, fellas!
"
9431,51,Two crows:," Caw, caw, caw.
"
9432,51,Crowscare:," Ah, aah.
"
9433,51,Rick:," I-I asked for zero proof! Zero proof!
"
9434,51,Rick:," I’m giving you free will. Yah!
"
9435,51,Crow-horse:," Submit to Crow-horse!
"
9436,51,Rick:," Whoops.
"
9437,51,Morty:," R-rick?
"
9438,51,Rick:," Wubba lubba dub dub! I’m back, pal!
"
9439,51,Jerry:," Morty, who’s at the door?
"
9440,51,Rick:," Wait a minute, I thought you died gruesomely. W-what the hell’s going on here?
"
9441,51,Morty:," See, um th-the thing is, uh—
"
9442,51,Beth," Can you please make Morty fourteen again, dad? This is ridiculous.
"
9443,51,Morty:," Okay, look, I-I may have used an aging serum to kind of emotionally blackmail you a little.
"
9444,51,Rick:," I kinda figured and I totally get it, Morty. I-I’m done with the two crows, like they were super clingy and I’m ready to make this work.
"
9445,51,Morty:," Let’s just hit the reset button.
"
9446,51,Beth:," Well no, honey, not a reset, okay? Tell your grandpa that you’re worthy of his respect and you wanna be treated differently from now on.
"
9447,51,Morty:," I refuse to do that, I’m desperate to get back together.
"
9448,51,Jerry:," Just like his old man.
"
9449,51,Rick:," Don’t worry honey, that’s just Morty’s middle age talking. He’ll be less codependent once we get more of his life in front of him again.
"
9450,51,Summer:," Uh, I’d like him to stay forty so he can keep buying my friends molly. I’d rather throw my vote away than use it to support a flawed system.
"
9451,51,Morty:," Can we make our first adventure fixing this? I-I keep thinking about lawn care.
"
9452,51,Rick:," Okay buddy, who sold you this shitty aging serum? What did he look like?
"
9453,51,Morty:, Just like you. I-I got it from 
9454,51,Rick:," Hot damn! Hitting the ground running with a Citadel episode. See you later, masturbators.
"
9455,51,Andy:," Hi! I’m the Citadel’s new mascot, Andy! Because this place wouldn’t be home without Ricks aaand-ey Mortys!
"
9456,51,Morty:," Dumb.
"
9457,51,Rick:," Oof, what happened to this place?
"
9458,51,Morty:, There’s a 
9459,51,Rick:," Ah, that’s cute. They rebuilt, and made it nicer.
"
9460,51,Morty:," They made it Glendale.
"
9461,51,Rick:," Goddamn you are cantankerous.
"
9462,51,Morty:," Even pooping hurts now.
"
9463,51,Rick:," Yeah, well, this place is gonna fix you right up.
"
9464,51,Employee Morty:," Okay, so… we’ve got a standard Morty that’s been aged to forty.
"
9465,51,Rick:," Can you reverse it?
"
9466,51,Employee Morty:," Well if you look at it like a bone, what we can do is break his age in two places, remove the middle and graft its ends back together.
"
9467,51,Morty:," Th-th-that sounds really violent.
"
9468,51,Rick:," It’s not a literal bone, Morty.
"
9469,51,Morty:," Oh, Okay.
"
9470,51,Employee Morty:," Brace yourself, the process does also break every bone in your body.
"
9471,51,Morty:," Wait, ahhhh! Ooh, ow!
"
9472,51,Toddler Morty 1:," I like crayons.
"
9473,51,Toddler Morty 2:," Girls are gross.
"
9474,51,Morty:," I-I-I think I feel like myself again.
"
9475,51,Rick:," Eh, you look a little weird. Your skin’s all pink like a baby mouse. Is that normal?
"
9476,51,Employee Morty:," Probably. Uh, sign here for storage or disposal of the twenty-six years we removed.
"
9477,51,Rick:," Wait, what? I ain’t payin’ to store twenty-six years.
"
9478,51,Employee Morty:," Well, then you’re taking it with you.
"
9479,51,Twenty-Six Year Old Morty:," I’m almost ready to sell out.
"
9480,51,Rick:," Alright, what’s disposal cost?
"
9481,51,Twenty-Six Year Old Morty:," S-something unfair’s happening!
"
9482,51,Deformed Morty:," There’s no escape! No escape!
"
9483,51,Twenty-Six Year Old Morty:," Let me help you, this is not a good look!
"
9484,51,Rick:," Oh boy.
"
9485,51,Morty:," Hey, they shot me!
"
9486,51,Police Morty:," You are seriously hurting the Citadel experience!
"
9487,51,Deformed Morty:," Listen to me!
"
9488,51,Police Morty:," Drop the gun!
"
9489,51,Deformed Morty:," Death is coming for us all, and the Citadel is a weapon of mass destruc—
"
9490,51,Rick:," Woof. You’re about to get suspended with pay. Come on, Morty. Let’s get out of here before this gets political.
"
9491,51,Twenty-Six Year Old Morty:," U-uh. Was I influential?
"
9492,51,Morty:," Yeah, y-you were influential. You had like seven— seven blogs.
"
9493,51,Twenty-Six Year Old Morty:," Tight. Uh.
"
9494,51,Rick:," Ugh. Too late.
"
9495,51,Secret Service Rick:," C-137. President Morty requests you join him for dinner.
"
9496,51,Morty:," Woah! S-seriously?
"
9497,51,Rick:," You know I destroyed this place?
"
9498,51,Secret Service Rick:," You’ve been pardoned for that, sir.
"
9499,51,Morty:," Rick, let’s have dinner with the Morty president.
"
9500,51,Rick:," Morty, the idea was to get back to simple adventures. The Citadel runs on canon.
"
9501,51,Morty:," Okay. I guess things really are going right back to how they were.
"
9502,51,Rick:," Fine, I could eat. But the second he reveals he’s evil, we’re gone.
"
9503,51,Morty:," I don’t know. Tastes pretty good.
"
9504,51,Rick:," Okay, let me know if you start feeling poisony. Good to have you back, buddy.
"
9505,51,President Morty:," Sorry I’m late. Never really ends around here.
"
9506,51,Rick:," Look at this Morty. They really did make a you the president.
"
9507,51,President Morty:," And I hate ‘em every day for it. But wow, Rick C-137. Now that’s a guy to move your schedule around for. Not-not here to blow the place up again, I hope. Ha ha.
"
9508,51,Rick:," Ha. Not unless you try to keep me here.
"
9509,51,President Morty:," Geez, wouldn’t dream of it. But it’s amazing you dropped by because I was eventually gonna hunt you down.
"
9510,51,Rick:," There’s the reveal. Let’s dance.
"
9511,51,President Morty:," Ha, geez.
"
9512,51,Morty:," Come on, man. The guy got elected president. By Ricks and Mortys. He’s being really nice.
"
9513,51,Rick:," All politicians are nice.
"
9514,51,President Morty:," He’s a hot bag of peanuts, isn’t he?
"
9515,51,Morty:," We’ve been through a lot, a-and he does not like—
"
9516,51,Rick:," Serialized drama.
"
9517,51,President Morty:," Right, no drama. Keep it episodic. Ricks never look back. Waste of a legend in his case. You know, he practically built this place.
"
9518,51,Morty:," Wait, what?
"
9519,51,Rick:," And now you're running it squeaky clean, right? That’s why you got deformed Mortys comin’ up through the sewer lines talking about ‘hope’ and ‘change’.
"
9520,51,President Morty:," Fair enough.
"
9521,51,Morty:," Good clap-back, Rick. What’s the deal with that, Mr. P?
"
9522,51,President Morty:," I got a little project going on, acquired some hands-on labor. It would require less if you were willing to tell me how one might bring down the "
9523,51,Rick:," Alright, time to go Morty.
"
9524,51,Morty:," I wanna know what he’s talking about.
"
9525,51,President Morty:," Yeah, you’ve come all this way. Can you give me ten more seconds?
"
9526,51,Rick:," Literally ten? Because now it would be six.
"
9527,51,President Morty:," Oh, I’m fine with that. Make it two… one. Like I said, would’ve been a big help for you to tell me, but I should have everything I need from you now. Let me just make sure…
"
9528,51,Rick:," You can’t scan an entire brain over appetizers.
"
9529,51,President Morty:," Oh, most of yours got scanned a looong time ago.
"
9530,51,President Morty:," You probably don’t remember.
"
9531,51,Rick Stan Lee:," Check out season one, episode nine, Rickheads. Excel-uurp-cior!
"
9532,51,Rick:," Evil Rick.
"
9533,51,Morty:," We kicked his ass.
"
9534,51,President Morty:," Evil Rick. I love it. Smartest man in the universe, with an ego so big you could just grab it like a joystick.
"
9535,51,President Morty:," Looks complete. I was afraid I’d have to kill every Rick on the Citadel to get what I needed.
"
9536,51,Morty:," You asshole! I vouched for you! He only came here because I asked him to. I’m sorry, Rick.
"
9537,51,Rick:," That apology and a screwdriver in my hand would be worth one screwdriver.
"
9538,51,President Morty:," Pfft, you sell-out Mortys kill me. I’d hate you more than the Ricks you worship if there was any point. But you can’t help it; you were bred for it. Wanna see?
"
9539,51,President Morty:," You already know rogue Ricks used Mortys to hide themselves from the Citadel. But you might not know it worked so well that the Citadel became its own Morty market. And I’m sure you don’t know how far they’ve gone to help supply meet demand. Sure, Ricks could scour infinity for naturally-occurring grandsons, but why bother? So much work. Such an admission of need. There are infinite versions of our grandfather, Morty. He’s an infinite smear of one shitty old man, and he’s attached to us infinitely through his weakness and our forgiveness. This is why we’re with him. This is why we’re alive.
"
9540,51,Morty:," What the fuck?! Rick, say this isn’t true!
"
9541,51,Rick:," It isn’t the whole truth.
"
9542,51,Morty:," Liar!
"
9543,51,President Morty:," Liar.
"
9544,51,Rick:," It’s complicated!
"
9545,51,Morty:," I’m not busy!
"
9546,51,Rick:," Okay, Morty, remember when all I said I needed was your apology and a screwdriver in my hand? Well, I forgot I literally have a screwdriver in my hand. I mean, duh-doi, I’m basically Inspector Gadget.
"
9547,51,President Morty:," Uh oh.
"
9548,51,President Morty:," It’s okay, he’s free to go. He’s the Rickest Rick. We’ll never see him again.
"
9549,51,Rick:," Morty, when you came here for that serum did you refill this gun?
"
9550,51,Morty:," Yeah.
"
9551,51,Morty:," Holy shit!
"
9552,51,Rick:, I only know one man that ever hacked my 
9553,51,President Morty:," Yay. He’s all caught up.
"
9554,51,Rick:," Wait! Hold it, hold it!
"
9555,51,Morty:," Wh-who’s that?
"
9556,51,Rick:," Time for Big Boy. Duck!
"
9557,51,Morty:," Does he like it?
"
9558,51,Rick:," He’s a metaphor for capitalism, Morty. What do you think?
"
9559,51,Rick:," Yoink!
"
9560,51,President Morty:," You can’t outrun your past, Rick.
"
9561,51,President Morty:," Tch, did you think my forcefield would be down the second time?
"
9562,51,Rick:," I was expressing disapproval of your dialogue!
"
9563,51,President Morty:," Ahaha. Disapprove all you want. Tonight, the quality of dialogue stops mattering. Tonight, I do that thing I wanna do, with the Curve thing.
"
9564,51,Loudspeaker system:," Nobody leave, everybody stay. Nobody leave, everybody stay. Nobody leave, everybody stay.
"
9565,51,Rick D716:," In uncertain times like these, I think it’s important for me to say: Eat shit, fuck you! The drug companies paid for me to say every word, I have millions of dollars, and I don’t care— oh god oh fuck no, oh—
"
9566,51,Morty:," What’s happening, Rick?
"
9567,51,Rick:," He hacked the entire city’s portal supply. Come on, there still might be one way out of here. Out the bottom.
"
9568,51,Morty:," What do you think he needed from your brain?
"
9569,51,Rick:, I assume schematics for the Citadel’s 
9570,51,Morty:," What is the Central Finite Curve?
"
9571,51,Rick:," Q and A after our survival. Hopefully we can snag some untainted fluid at the source and get the fuck outta here.
"
9572,51,Rick:," Or not.
"
9573,51,Rick:," Wow. I thought my capitalism metaphor was on the nose.
"
9574,51,Morty:," So did you help build the Citadel? Did you just lie to me about everything?
"
9575,51,Rick:," Can’t you just sneak through the cave base? We turned a new leaf, Morty. We’re back to simple adventures.
"
9576,51,Morty:," It’s not a new leaf until you tell me everything.
"
9577,51,Rick:," Morty, we really don’t have time for this. The whole place is gonna blow.
"
9578,51,Morty:," No, I-I don’t trust you. I-I-I don’t wanna do this anymore if I’m not gonna get straight answers from you.
"
9579,51,Rick:," Goddammit. Here’s my fucking downloaded brain, Morty. You wanna jump the shark? You wanna know my stupid crybaby backstory? Knock yourself out.
"
9580,51,Rick:," No-not now!
"
9581,51,Morty:," Woah. Dead wife?
"
9582,51,Rick:," Yes. Now everyone can shut up about it.
"
9583,51,Morty:," Wow, Rick. I feel a lot better having seen all that.
"
9584,51,President Morty:," Of course that’s the case. In their minds, they’re the underdog.
"
9585,51,President Morty:," And that’s how they justify this.
"
9586,51,Rick:," Morty, I’m not responsible for every fucked up Rick out there.
"
9587,51,President Morty:," They literally all say that. They all have that excuse; it’s part of their system. None of them have to be responsible, they're all victims of themselves. ‘Oh, it’s so hard to be a genius. Couldn’t you just die?’
"
9588,51,Morty:," Well what are you doin’ about it?
"
9589,51,President Morty:," Jack shit. I’m leaving. Do you know what the Central Finite Curve is? They built a wall around infinity, separated all the infinite universes from all the infinite universes where he’s the smartest man in the universe. Every version of us has spent every version of all of our lives in one infinite crib, built around an infinite fucking baby.
"
9590,51,President Morty:," And I’m leaving it. That’s what makes me ‘evil’, being sick of him. If you’ve ever been sick of him, you’ve been evil too.
"
9591,51,Morty:," Rick, did you really leave the crows for me? Or did you come back because they dumped you?
"
9592,51,President Morty:," There you go, kid. Now you’re Evil Morty too. Sooner or later, we all are, on this side of the Curve.
"
9593,51,Orange Afro Rick:," Don’t worry, Morty. We still got a way out they never thought of. "
9594,51,Orange Afro Morty:," Doesn’t that still mean, like, death?
"
9595,51,Orange Afro Rick:," Sure, but the joke’s on them cuz we just found a backdoor to getting off this rock.
"
9596,51,Female computer voice:," Rerouted. Rerouted. Rerouted.
"
9597,51,Female computer voice:," Rerouted. Rerouted. Rerouted.
"
9598,51,Morty:," Oh my fucking god!
"
9599,51,Rick:," Come on Morty, we gotta go!
"
9600,51,Morty:," Woah!
"
9601,51,President Morty:," You can come if you want.
"
9602,51,President Morty:," Don’t blame me if you don’t.
"
9603,51,Rick:," Ugh. From where I sit, Morty, that’s the best deal on the table. I-I don’t have a real plan.
"
9604,51,Rick:," Thanks, pal. I-I’m glad you ignored my advice.
"
9605,51,President Morty:," It’s just as well. I lied. That second seat’s a toilet.
"
9606,51,Morty:," Oh, super dick move. But weirdly kind of cool to admit it.
"
9607,51,Rick:," Geez, you guys really are bred for forgiveness. Let’s go.
"
9608,51,Rick:," Say goodbye to the Citadel, fellas.
"
9609,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," Woo-wee. Evil Morty. That was quite a scheme. Makes me wonder if there’s an evil me out there. But I guess, sometimes I look at my life, and I may not even need ‘im. Cuz, well, guess I made a pretty big mess of things myself. Ooo eee.
"
9610,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," I never got my job at the university back. Remember that? Rick made me do karate. It was kinda funny, but I guess things went downhill from there.
"
9611,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," Started isolating myself from Amy. Used to tell her everything I was feeling.
"
9612,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," But then I guess I stopped.
"
9613,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," Cuz I wanted her to love who she thought I was, not who I felt myself becoming.
"
9614,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," Ever think about how horrified the people we love would be if they found out who we truly are? So we just dig ourselves deeper, into our lies every day (he walks back over to the stove), ultimately only hurting the people who were brave enough to love us.
"
9615,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," Wish I didn’t do that.
"
9616,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," Wish I was brave enough to love them back. I don’t know, maybe you should try it.
"
9617,51,Mr. Poopybutthole:," We don’t have as much time as we think. Ooo eee.
"