[ Author: Andrew Hussie; Title: Homestuck; Tags: chat, writing quirks ]
TG: oh there you are
TG: john said your house was burning down are you on fire yet or what
TT: No. For now I have retired to the safety of a smaller building which is much closer to the forest fire threatening my residence.
TG: oh well thats a relief
TG: john told me to get the game to help get you out of there so im working on that now
TT: Working on it?
TG: yeah my bros copy long story
TG: hey
TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets
TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little
TT: You're referring to your brother's collection?
TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all
TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever
TG: or semi-semi ironic
TG: man i dont even know
TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up
TT: I've seen his websites.
TT: I like them.
TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD
TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that
TG: with those dead eyes jesus
TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out
TT: Interesting...
TG: oh god why did i just tell you my dream
TG: youre going to have a field day with that
TT: I am currently scrawling notes furiously into one of the many psychoanalysis journals I maintain for you. Published papers forthcoming.
TT: Because, you know, it's not like either of us have anything better to do at the moment than to evaluate each other's radically debilitating pathologies.
TG: yeah im gonna get moving
TG: oh have you heard from john
TG: hes not answering me
TT: He won't answer me either.
TT: But I am watching him.
TT: I suspect he is preoccupied with the fact that he just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.
TG: hahahahaha
TG: alright im out
TG: later
***
JOHN: um... nanna?
NANNASPRITE: Yes, dear!
JOHN: wow, you scared the living daylights out of me!
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo!
JOHN: well, i guess it was a really great prank. good one nanna.
JOHN: anyway, are you REALLY my dead nanna?
NANNASPRITE: Of course, John! I have come back to help you on your journey through The Medium and beyond! I am delighted to see what a fine young man you have turned out to be. Just like your father!
JOHN: ok, i guess i will take your word for it. i don't remember you at all! my dad said i was really young when you died.
JOHN: hey speaking of which, do you know where he is??? i looked everywhere for him!
NANNASPRITE: Your father was kidnapped!
JOHN: oh no!
NANNASPRITE: When you crossed over to The Medium, he was apprehended by the very forces of darkness which your presence here has awakened.
JOHN: what? ok, so what is the medium you are talking about?
NANNASPRITE: It is where we are now! A realm that is a ring of pure void, dividing light and darkness. It turns in the thick of The Incipisphere, a place untouched by the flow of time in your universe.
JOHN: you mean because we are inside a computer, or in the game software or something?
NANNASPRITE: A computer? Why, what is that, dear? Some new fangled contraption, like the horseless auto-boxcar?
JOHN: well, uh, it's like this machine that, uh...
NANNASPRITE: Hoo hoo hoo! Of course I know what a computer is, John! I was just pulling your leg! Hoo hoo hoo!
JOHN: oh, ok.
NANNASPRITE: No, John. You are not inside a computer or software or anything like that! Try not to be so linear, dear. The software that brought you here was merely a mechanism that served as a gateway! Its routines in a way served to invoke this realm's instance, yet it stands independently of any physical machine, and somewhat paradoxically, always has!
JOHN: i'm not sure i get it, but alright.
JOHN: so what do i actually need to be doing here?
NANNASPRITE: I think it would be best if we started with the big picture!
Hide Spritelog
NANNASPRITE: Above The Medium, beyond The Seven Gates, residing at the core of The Incipisphere is a place known as Skaia.
NANNASPRITE: Legend holds that Skaia exists as a dormant crucible of unlimited creative potential. What does this mean, you ask? I'm afraid my lips are sealed about that, dear! Hoo hoo!
NANNASPRITE: But needless to say, where a realm of such profound importance is concerned, forces of light will forever be charged with its defense, while forces of darkness will just as persistently covet its destruction!
NANNASPRITE: And as it so happens, at the center of this realm whose fate is in question, these very forces duel on a stage, stuck in eternal stalemate.
NANNASPRITE: Yes, they have dueled in this manner forever... that is, until you showed up!
JOHN: ME??
NANNASPRITE: Yes, you, John!
NANNASPRITE: Before your mishap with my ashes, you may recall the Sprite's previous incarnation, which resulted from its Kernel's "hatching".
NANNASPRITE: You see, this hatching occurs automatically in response to your arrival! The result is a pair of Kernels, one dark, one light, each carrying the information they were prototyped with before the hatch!
NANNASPRITE: One goes down, to a kingdom entrenched in darkness. The other, up, to a kingdom basking in light! Each comes to rest in an Orb atop a Spire, of which there are three others in kind. The Four Spires are situated above a throne, and these two thrones preside over the two respective Sovereign Powers!
NANNASPRITE: And once the Kernels are situated, that is when the game is afoot. The true war begins, light versus dark, good versus evil.
NANNASPRITE: This is a war that the forces of light are always destined to lose, without exception!
JOHN: wow, really? then what's the point?
NANNASPRITE: That remains for you to find out, dear! For you see, the journey you are about to take is The Ultimate Riddle!
JOHN: whoa!!!
NANNASPRITE: For now, your objective is to proceed towards Skaia, and pass through The First Gate situated directly above your house, not even terribly far! The Gates will become progressively more difficult to reach, so you had better be prepared to sharpen your adventuring skills!
JOHN: how am i supposed to get up there?
NANNASPRITE: You build!
JOHN: ok, i think i get it now!
JOHN: so i guess the battle against good and evil is sort of irrelevant? well, i don't know, that all sounds kind of weird, but in any case, we build the house to get to these gates, and then i can save my dad!
NANNASPRITE: Yes, John!
JOHN: and then after that, we solve this ultimate riddle thing and save earth from destruction!!!
NANNASPRITE: Oh no, I'm afraid not!
NANNASPRITE: Your planet is done for, dear! There is nothing you can do about that!
JOHN: oh...
NANNASPRITE: Your purpose is so much more important than saving that silly old planet, though!
JOHN: and that is?
NANNASPRITE: HOO HOO HOO HOO HOO!
NANNASPRITE: John, you are such a good boy! I know you will succeed.
JOHN: thanks, nanna.
NANNASPRITE: You are a good boy, and good boys deserve treats!
JOHN: hooray!
NANNASPRITE: I am going to go bake you some cookies.
JOHN: ...
***
GG: hi happy birthday rose!!! <3
TT: Hello, and thanks.
GG: did you get johns present yet?
TT: I just opened it this very moment. What a stunning coincidence you would ask about it now. I am stunned.
GG: yeah i know!!
GG: what will you make with it?
TT: And who said it was something from which something else could be made?
GG: well john did tell me what it was duh.....
TT: I suppose I'll take a stab at learning the craft.
TT: It's the least I can do in response to the subtle dig concealed in his gesture.
TT: He often tells me I "need a new hobby" when I make perfectly reasonable analytical remarks.
GG: oh but rose i dont think he meant anything like that by it!!
GG: you see not everybody always means the opposite of what they say the way you and dave always do
TT: Maybe.
TT: His birthday is in a few months, isn't it?
GG: yep!
GG: i finally finished a present for him
GG: ive been working on it for years!!!!
TT: Years?
TT: It's so hard to tell when you're joking.
TT: Or if you're even capable of it.
GG: heheheh.... :)
GG: i just mailed it too so it is sure to get there on time
GG: mail takes a while to get anywhere from here!!!
TT: I'll probably craft something with strong sentimental value.
TT: That should burn him.
GG: i dont think you really mean that!
TT: I guess not.
TT: So, shall I expect a green package dropped to my house via airmail from whatever screwball cranny of the globe you're tucked into?
GG: err.......
GG: no :(
GG: sorry but you are sort of hard shop for <_<
GG: besides i have something for you today that i think you will like better than some thing in a box!
TT: Oh?
GG: it is a tip!!!!
TT: This is already intriguing enough to compensate for the grave scarcity of lavish gifts parachuting from the sky. Please go on.
GG: did you have a pet a long time ago that died?
TT: Yes.
GG: ok well how did you feel about your cat, did you love him a lot?
TT: "ok well", I didn't mention it was a cat, or that it was a male. Let's pretend I'm surprised and you're embarrassed and move on.
TT: To answer your question, I would describe my feelings toward the animal as lukewarm.
GG: ummmmm ok....
GG: thats fine!!!
GG: it doesnt really matter i think, just.....
GG: what if someone told you you could play a game that would bring him back to life?
TT: If someone told me that, I would regard the remark with a great deal of skepticism.
TT: If that someone was you, on the other hand, then I would have to ask preemptively:
TT: Is that someone you?
GG: yes that someone is me!!!!!!!!
GG: i just thought you might find it interesting
TT: So what is this game?
GG: oh i dont know
GG: im just saying is all
GG: i think youll hear about it later and maybe you can talk to john and dave about it
GG: they are way more into all that stuff than i am!!!!
TT: I'll see what the word on the street is about it. In due time.
TT: For now I should probably order a copy of Knitting for Assholes. It would be a shame if I ran late with John's present.
***
TG: hey what is up
TG: what happened with the monster that is totally definitely in your room did you kill it
TG: where are you man
TG: anyway
TG: things are cool here
TG: totally cool
TG: puppets are still awesome
TG: no problems with them or anything
TG: like
TG: just
TG: really really awesome
***
TG: oh there you are
TG: john said your house was burning down are you on fire yet or what
TT: No. For now I have retired to the safety of a smaller building which is much closer to the forest fire threatening my residence.
TG: oh well thats a relief
TG: john told me to get the game to help get you out of there so im working on that now
TT: Working on it?
TG: yeah my bros copy long story
TG: hey
TG: dont tell john this but i think he might have been right about the puppets
TG: theyre sort of starting to freak me out a little
TT: You're referring to your brother's collection?
TG: i mean dont get me wrong i think its cool and all
TG: the semi-ironic puppet thing or whatever
TG: or semi-semi ironic
TG: man i dont even know
TG: im just starting to think some of this shit is going a little far and its kind of fucked up
TT: I've seen his websites.
TT: I like them.
TG: haha yeah well YOU WOULD
TG: oh man i wish lil cal wouldnt look at me like that
TG: with those dead eyes jesus
TG: sometimes i dream that hes real and hes talking to me and i wake up in a cold sweat and basically flip the fuck out
TT: Interesting...
TG: oh god why did i just tell you my dream
TG: youre going to have a field day with that
TT: I am currently scrawling notes furiously into one of the many psychoanalysis journals I maintain for you. Published papers forthcoming.
TT: Because, you know, it's not like either of us have anything better to do at the moment than to evaluate each other's radically debilitating pathologies.
TG: yeah im gonna get moving
TG: oh have you heard from john
TG: hes not answering me
TT: He won't answer me either.
TT: But I am watching him.
TT: I suspect he is preoccupied with the fact that he just had a bucket of water dumped on his head by the ghost of his dead grandmother, who also happens to be dressed like a clown.
TG: hahahahaha
TG: alright im out
TG: later
***
TT: John, what are you doing?
TT: Snap out of it.
TT: We ought to discuss what your grandmother told you, don't you think?
TT: Fine. Enjoy your stupor.
TT: I'll go about my business elsewhere.
TT: John, whenever you read this, you should know I put the shale you collected to use and finally deployed the Punch Designix.
TT: It is in your study.
TT: I can only drop it though. You'll have to be the one to mess around with it and see what it does.
TT: When you're finished with your weird histrionics, maybe you could give it a try?
TT: I'm updating my walkthrough, and it would help to know what it does.
TT: Also, I should probably warn you that your house and yard are completely infested with monsters now. Try to be careful.
EB: so i can see.
EB: stupid lousy imps.
EB: they're mucking up all my cool stuff!
TT: Oh, there you are.
EB: oh, yeah.
EB: sorry!
EB: i'm not sure what came over me there, i was acting really crazy for some reason.
EB: but my head feels like it's clearing up, i think i'm alright now.
***
EB: rose my piano!!!
EB: :C
TT: Sorry.
TT: No nuance to these controls at all.
TT: I was hoping to bludgeon the imp without letting go of it. Guess I can't really do that.
TT: A broken piano isn't the end of the world though.
EB: i guess you're right.
TT: You'll need to pick up the spoils in person. I can't interact with the grist.
EB: so...
EB: that means i have to go out the back door?
TT: Yes. Is there a problem?
EB: well it may sound dumb, but i was hoping to avoid nanna and her spooky ghost cookies.
TT: You're right, that does sound dumb.
EB: can you see her in the kitchen?
TT: Yeah.
EB: what's she doing, is she baking?
TT: You could say that.
EB: are you SURE you can't get that grist up to me somehow?
TT: Maybe.
***
TG: yes perfect
GG: it is the prettiest tree i have ever seen!!!!!
TG: ok im going to torrent you another like negative billion artifact grists
GG: ok great!
GG: everything about that makes total sense
TG: yeah
TG: now draw the conksuckiest boot you ever drew
GG: ok
GG: is this conksucky enough
TG: its the conksuckiest piece of fucking shit that ever still somehow qualified as a boot
GG: <3
TG: you just know imigrants were responsible
GG: well...
GG: i am not even sure if i am technically a u.s. citizen!
TG: yeah see what i mean
***
> caligulasAquarium (CA) began trolling gardenGnostic (GG) --
CA: noww that youre done makin all that pointless rubbish
CA: ivve got somethin wway more wworth your wwhile
GG: which one were you again?
GG: wait
GG: werent you the guy who was always trying to hit on me??
CA: that couldvve been anyone
CA: lets not get distracted by your sad league of suitors and their flushed desperations
CA: im offerin you the edge here
CA: in your rivvalry wwith the other female
GG: uh...
CA: wwevve got the same abstratus
CA: and i dont need this thing anymore
CA: since i became more powwerful than you could evver imagine as a mighty wwizard of wwhite science
CA: so you might as wwell take it and settle your score wwith that awwful wwitch
GG: but
GG: im the wwitch!
GG: i mean witch
CA: yeah ok the seer then if you wwant to be dealin wwith technicalities
GG: rose?
GG: i do not have a score to settle with rose!!!
GG: why would you think that?
CA: oh
CA: wwell fuck
CA: suppose i wwas guessin it wwas natural to presume somesuch relation like that betwween the twwo a you
GG: i think you are projecting your own attitude on to others
GG: just because you tend to hate and/or hit on everyone you meet doesnt mean everyone else is that way
GG: rose just sent me a code for a crystal ball, shes my friend and is basically the best!
CA: oh i see so she shared her "magic secrets" wwith you then
CA: its probably a trap i wwouldnt trust her
CA: she is a cunnin and treacherous sort trust me i knoww her type
GG: wait do you have a thing for her too???
GG: did she reject you or something?
CA: you are slingin around such a bloody mess of slander wwith these accusations
CA: you wwouldnt understand anywway
CA: its already been painfully established you people cant get your shalloww think pans under the majesty of our quadrants
GG: :|
CA: if you must knoww things betwween us wwere gettin pretty bellicose and im pretty sure she wwas wwaxin as obsidian for me as a human got it in em to do
CA: and if not for the interdimensional divvide keepin us apart honestly i dont doubt our rivvalry could be brewwin outright pitch
GG: uh huh...
CA: but the thing is i need a rivval wwho can pose me a challenge
CA: and frankly shes not evven fit for holdin my cape anymore
CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit
CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES
CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike
CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels
CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince
GG: wow what are you talking about
CA: so really you should be honored to inherit my old callin
CA: both my armaments and my feud
CA: itll be wwitch against wwitch
CA: a real one vvs an impostor
CA: faker one dies
GG: hey look at that, time for me to get going!
CA: oh wwill you just take the fuckin gun already
GG: no i dont want it!!!!!
CA: its a wway more powwerful wweapon than any of that crap you made
CA: its a legendary relic wwithout equal
GG: more like a legendary piece of shit!
CA: youre bein needlessly fuckin stubborn about this im doin you a fuckin favvor here
GG: yes but i dont like you very much and i feel really icky about accepting a present from you
CA: if you accept it this is the last ill evver be botherin you about anythin ok
GG: siiigh
GG: fine
CA: FFFFFFWW
GG: what?
CA: thats the code
GG: oh...
GG: hmmm...
GG: i have seen this before
CA: howws that possible
CA: its a one of a kind wweapon plundered from an alternian ghost ship
GG: i am very sure its the same rifle included with johns present
GG: but...
GG: bigger of course
CA: probably a cheap imitation of the original
CA: uh
CA: kind of like that one there is
CA: so theres your answwer stable loops ahoy
CA: noww enjoy the utter fuckin domination it affords
GG: yes but....
GG: i did not provide the weapons!
GG: my penpal did
CA: wwhos that
GG: the guy who helps me build the present
GG: we worked on it together but he supplied the bunnys weapons
GG: im pretty sure hes from the future!
CA: wwhy
GG: because he said hes my grandson
CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson
CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing
GG: umm yes
CA: nevvermind then your procreational biologistics make my fins curl in distaste
GG: oh no!!!!!
GG: aaaaa please dont tell anyone i told you about him!
GG: augh how could i let that slip to you of all people
CA: settle dowwn jade youre radically underestimatin the amount of shit i dont givve about this
CA: ill havve you knoww this is the last time im plannin on talkin to any human
CA: i got bigger ships to sink and soon wwhen im good and ready me and my luminous fuckin science stick havve got a date wwith jack noir
CA: AND NO NOT THAT KIND OF DATE GIVVE ME A LITTLE FUCKIN CREDIT
GG: wow ok!!!!
GG: i wasnt going to say anything
CA: wwhys this matter so hush hush anywway
GG: he didnt want me to tell my friends who he really was
GG: i guess maybe he was concerned about upsetting the timeline? i dunno
CA: wwell maybe he didnt wwanna disrupt wwhatevver disgustin sequence of evvents wwas responsible for his spawwnin in the first place
GG: maybe!
GG: i have wondered about that, assuming he is right...
GG: he was so nice, and it really did feel like i was talking to family, so i really dont think he was making it up
GG: i couldnt help but try to imagine his parents...
GG: and more interestingly.......
GG: his grandfather :O
GG: i still wonder who it could be...
GG: although i guess at this point
GG: the options are pretty limited :o
CA: ok i think im startin to feel ill talkin about things makin me fathom pink wwigglers comin out a your owwn personal torso
CA: so change a fuckin subject
CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid
CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage
GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be
GG: do you even have those? if you dont have parents how could you?
CA: no wwe dont knoww our direct forebears and im pretty sure any attempt to seek out or evven inquire about the supplier of your genes wwould be a fine wway to get yourself killed
CA: but wwevve got our lore and it says wwe all got indivvidual ancestors wwho contribute to most of our genes abovve and beyond wwhat the grubs slurry does
GG: ewwwwwwww
CA: oh shut up
CA: anywway a lot of us believve wwere meant to trace the footsteps of those ancestors evven though wwe can nevver knoww em
CA: and on that journey wwe can come across belongings they once had cause wwe wwere hatched to find em and finish their wwork
CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place
CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway
GG: hmmmm
GG: then maybe that is how this heirloom should work
CA: wwhat do you mean
GG: well i dont want to use it!
CA: aww man come on
GG: so ill just dump it outside the house with the trash
GG: and if it is fated to find my penpal one day then so be it!
CA: god damn it
CA: its like you people go out of your wway to think a howw to disrespect me
GG: maybe you should have been nicer to me!
GG: in any case i dont appreciate the spirit in which the gift was given so this is what i will do!
CA: fine fuck it wwhat do i care
CA: this has been a completely flippin useless exchange as havve they all been wwith your species
CA: and for the record
CA: evven though i said that stuff about bein fated to find my gun
CA: fate isnt real
CA: its a lot of FAKE FUCKIN HORSEFEATHERS
CA: noww go and be cleansed by the light of truth purity nonfakeness hope and abovve all SCIENCE
gardenGnostic's johnnytop exploded.
***
apocalypseArisen (AA) began trolling twinArmageddons (TA)
AA: hi
TA: hii?
AA: i guess i sh0uld say s0mething
AA: bef0re i g0
TA: aradiia, ii am riight glubbiing here, liike two feet away from you.
TA: iif you want two 2ay 2omethiing two me why don't you ju2t turn two your left and 2ay iit, iit'2 bad enough that you've hardly 2aiid two lou2y word2 two me 2iince you became that 2weaty a22hole'2 2moochbot.
AA: i kn0w
AA: but this is hard f0r me
TA: how ii2 iit hard.
TA: you are a tiin can, robot2 don't have feeliing2.
AA: n0 thats n0t true
TA: ok then, what ii2 iit.
AA: s0rry ab0ut everything
AA: and all the bad luck y0uve had
AA: y0u didnt deserve it
AA: i have t0 g0 n0w
TA: what, where are you goiing?
AA: im n0t sure
TA: er, cool ii gue22??
AA: anyway thats it
TA: waiit.
TA: you mean for good, wiill ii see you agaiin?
AA: i d0nt kn0w that either
AA: but i guess if y0u d0
AA: pr0bably n0t with y0ur eyes
TA: what the hell i2 that 2uppo2ed two mean?
AA: i think y0ull be 0k with it th0ugh
AA: 0_0
AA: i wish
AA: i c0uld s0meh0w make that em0tic0n smile
AA: 0u0
AA: n0 that l00ks stupid
AA: 0h well
apocalypseArisen (AA) ceased trolling twinArmageddons (TA)
***
> turntechGodhead (TG) began pestering gallowsCalibrator (GC) --
TG: well that was apparently pointless
TG: now what
TG: hello
TG: terezi
TG: whats up
GC: >:[
***
> gardenGnostic (GG) began pestering turntechGodhead (TG) --
GG: dave!!!!!!
GG: any dave out there please listen!
TG: this is a dave out there whats up
GG: dave i just saw you, and you were dead!
GG: you were in a green suit and covered in blood, oh god it was terrible :(
GG: if that was a future dave you have to make sure that doesnt happen!!!
TG: it wasnt a future dave he was from a while ago
GG: oh
GG: i am confused :o
TG: sorry you had to see that
TG: but dont worry it was just a doomed dave no big deal really
TG: i was swindled into splitting time paths along the way and that guy got the dead end of the stick
TG: ill be fine
GG: ok...
GG: i am still not sure i get that!
GG: but i guess i am relieved?
TG: yes you are go ahead and be relieved
GG: wheeeew! there i just was
TG: nice
GG: how did that poor dave die?
GG: was it jack?
TG: yeah
TG: hes pretty much the guy in charge of random teleportation murders right now
GG: D:
GG: what about your...
GG: um....
GG: oh no i dont even know if you know about this
TG: what
TG: my bro
TG: yeah jack killed him too
GG: ;_;
GG: is it something you would like to talk about
TG: not much to talk about
TG: this is some pretty serious existence threatening shit going down and some people are going to die i guess
TG: even crazy hard dudes like my bro slash weird covert biological ghost dad
GG: ghost dad???
TG: yeah roses too
TG: i thought john filled you in on the ectobiology stuff
GG: oh...
GG: yes he mentioned something about it
GG: i guess i didnt realize its full implications....
GG: but time was short when we talked!
TG: bottom line is were all related slimewise except you and me and him and rose pairways respectively
TG: makes the shipping chart pretty simple here hang on while i dig up that piece of shit karkat made
TG: where the fuck did that thing go
TG: fuck it never mind
TG: just imagine something ugly made by a jackass
GG: ugh i forgot i still have to get back to him
GG: its like a big unpleasant chore hanging over my head D:
TG: i guess
GG: anyway dave im really sorry about your bro/dad
GG: you were pretty close with him right?
TG: meh it was a pretty bizarre relationship by any standard
TG: fightin off wave after wave of face pumicing puppet ass every day
TG: always being on guard for stealth attacks in the middle of the night while getting up to go to the fucking bathroom
GG: heheh
TG: but i guess it all sorta amounted to some vague unspoken semblance of kinship
TG: if thats a thing
TG: like if honor among thieves is something then lets call it camaraderie among ironic rapping roof ninjas
TG: but thanks
GG: sure
TG: i thought about taking his sword
TG: when i was there
TG: but i couldnt
TG: couldnt really bring myself to try to pull it out it was too weird
GG: dave we have to stop him!!!!!
TG: what
GG: jack!
GG: he shouldnt get away with this
TG: you think
GG: yes
GG: why dont you stop jumping around through time like a maniac and stop being like a hundred daves all the time and come to my house so we can make a plan to kill him??
TG: well id like to
TG: but im still trapped in the chronologistics of this fuckin one man ballet
TG: there are loops outstanding and if i step out of line you get to see more bloody daves
TG: im getting pretty sick of it but i think itll be over soon
TG: then ill break out and ride linear the rest of the way i think
TG: once its time to put the end game in motion
TG: til then youre on your own for a while
GG: oh :(
TG: besides we cant beat him
TG: look what he did to bro and davesprite together
TG: im at the top of my echeladder with all the fraymotifs and i stand no chance
TG: johns even better than that even though he doesnt know it at the moment
TG: and he stands no chance either
TG: only thing we can do is hold out until the scratch
GG: what is the scratch?
TG: guess i shouldnt really say
TG: since you sort of lead the way in making that plan
GG: really??
TG: yeah well
TG: suffice to say
TG: if we cant beat him
TG: all we can really do is exile him to a place where he cant teleport back
TG: which hopefully buys us some time
TG: to try to take out his power source in a crazy suicide mission
GG: hmmmm...
GG: so was that like a hint?
GG: about what im supposed to do :D
TG: kinda
GG: well maybe im just being naive...
GG: but a crazy suicide mission does not sound like the ideal solution to me!
GG: are you suuuure we cant beat him?
GG: i dont know if we should rule it out!
TG: well
TG: youre about to do what youre about to do
TG: and im not going to tell you not to
TG: i wont do the bullshit troll thing and tell you what youre going to do and then just dare you not to
TG: while knowing damn well you will anyway
TG: so ill just say
TG: whats next is up to you
TG: and if later you want to talk about it
TG: im here
GG: ok
GG: thanks dave!
***
> gardenGnostic (GG) began pestering adiosToreador (AT) --
GG: hey tavros!
GG: i was thinking about your plan
GG: about uh...
GG: "communing" with my lusus :)
GG: maybe its not a bad idea!
GG: are you there?
GG: hmm, i guess you are off doing something else
GG: oh well, hope youre doing ok....
GG: talk to you later!
> gardenGnostic (GG) ceased pestering adiosToreador (AT) --
***
> carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling gardenGnostic (GG) --
CG: ATTENTION HARLEY.
CG: PLEASE STOP WEEPING WITH AND OR BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR SELF PROTOTYPED LUSUSPRITE
CG: STOP DOING ONE OF THOSE THINGS AT LEAST
CG: LONG ENOUGH TO ANSWER ME.
CG: PLEASE.
CG: PRETTY POLITE EARTH PLEASE.
CG: WHO AM I KIDDING
CG: I'M WASTING MY TIME AGAIN
GG: karkat!!!!!
CG: WHOA FUCK
CG: YOU ANSWERED ME, I DONT BELIEVE IT
GG: yes
GG: im going crazy here
GG: i never thought id say this, but im actually almost relieved to talk to you
CG: WHAT
CG: YOU ARE
GG: or really ANYBODY besides that lunatic
GG: SHE IS DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!
CG: OH YEAH?
CG: HOW SO, EVERYTHING HERE APPEARS TO BE PROCEEDING RATIONALLY.
CG: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM
GG: are you joking??? look at this mess!
CG: MESS? JADE, NOW IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE *YOU'RE* THE ONE WHO'S JOKING.
CG: YOUR HIVE BALL ROLLED DOWN A BEAUTIFUL WINTER HILL, AND YOU ARE SPENDING SOME QUALITY TIME WITH FAMILY.
CG: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO FILL ME IN ON THE NATURE OF THE PROBLEM.
GG: okay...
GG: i made the mistake of prototyping my dream self who has been dead for years
GG: and shes completely crazy and theres no talking any sense into her
CG: HMM.
GG: hmm?
CG: YES. "HMM."
GG: hmm what
CG: HMM AS IN HMM INTERESTING.
CG: AS IN HMM HOW VERY, VERY FUCKING INTERESTING INDEED.
GG: :\
GG: what are you getting at???
CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I GETTING AT.
CG: I'M GETTING AT WHATEVER HMM INTERESTING GETS AT.
CG: PLEASE GO ON, I'M LISTENING TO YOUR PROBLEM.
GG: well...
GG: i mean, i understand why she is upset
GG: but she is completely inconsolable, and wont listen to reason about anything!
GG: and i guess i could deal with that but...
GG: the frustrating thing is that shes actually me :(
GG: i really dont think i would act like that
CG: HMMMMM.
GG: will you stop saying hmm!!!!!!
CG: OK, FINE.
CG: WHAT OTHER SEQUENCE OF LETTERS WOULD YOU HAVE ME USE TO REGISTER MY PROFOUND FASCINATION.
GG: fascination?
GG: what do you find so fascinating?
CG: I'M JUST TRYING TO UNDERSTAND.
CG: I AM BEING SENSITIVE ABOUT IT INSTEAD OF A RAGING FUCKASS, ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANT.
CG: YES, IT IS, IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME JUST ASK FUTURE YOU, ASSUMING THAT CONVERSATION DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY AS WELL.
CG: NOW TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
GG: my feelings?
CG: YES, HOW DID THIS MAKE YOU FEEL.
GG: well...
GG: at first i was sad
GG: because she made me remember all the sad things that just happened
GG: but im trying to be strong about all that so we can keep moving forward
GG: and if i can then why cant she?
GG: but she just went on and on
GG: and i started getting angry...
GG: ugh i have never been so angry in my LIFE!!!
CG: HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
GG: I SAID STOP SAYING FUCKING HMM
CG: o:B
GG: what does THAT mean?????
GG: is that supposed to be someone with a halo and goofy teeth?
GG: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME?
CG: NO, NO
CG: YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT BACKWARDS
CG: THOSE ARE MY HORNS
GG: oh
GG: haha oops
CG: OK SO IF I'M UNDERSTANDING YOU
CG: YOU'RE ANGRY AT A VERSION OF YOURSELF FROM A DIFFERENT POINT IN TIME
CG: BECAUSE SHE'S BEING AN OVERLY EMOTIONAL SHITHEAD WHO IS BASICALLY THE MOST REVOLTING SELF LOATHING PIECE OF FILTH YOU HAVE EVER MET
CG: AM I FOLLOWING
GG: yeah, pretty much
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY HMM AGAIN
CG: BUT COME ON
CG: DON'T YOU FIND THE SITUATION TO BE JUST THE SLIGHTEST BIT INTERESTING?
CG: I MEAN, CONSIDERING
GG: considering what??
CG: IF I RECALL, IT WASN'T THAT LONG AGO FROM EITHER OF OUR PERSPECTIVES THAT YOU WERE RIPPING ON ME AND MY SMUG WINDBAG FUTURE SELF FOR ARGUING WITH EACH OTHER
GG: oh come on...
GG: this is NOTHING like that!
CG: HOW IS THIS NOT LIKE THAT
GG: because she's...
GG: well
GG: she's ACTUALLY INSANE
CG: OH I SEE, AND ALL THOSE IDIOT PAST AND FUTURE KARKATS WEREN'T???
GG: but
GG: those are you
GG: im not her!
CG: OH AREN'T YOU
CG: YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE, I JUST HEARD YOU SAY THAT
CG: SO TELL ME
CG: HOW IS THIS EVEN THE SLIGHTEST FUCKING BIT DIFFERENT?
GG: i dont know
GG: it just...
CG: YES, GO ON
CG: I'M REALLY CURIOUS
CG: HOW
GG: ...
GG: oh my god
GG: youre right :(
GG: so then i guess
GG: im a hypocrite :(
CG: NOT REALLY
CG: IT JUST MEANS YOU'RE A SANE RATIONAL PERSON, AND THERE JUST MIGHT BE HOPE FOR YOU YET
GG: wait...
GG: so me arguing with my dead dream self
GG: and smacking her around while screaming at her
GG: makes me SANE???
CG: YES, ABSOLUTELY.
CG: IT MEANS ALL OF YOUR HIDEOUS FLAWS DISGUST YOU.
CG: YOU ARE RIGHT TO BE DISGUSTED, IT'S MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE CAN SAY FOR THEMSELVES.
CG: REALLY, CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER.
GG: hahaha, wow
GG: you are so weird
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, IN ADDITION TO, JUST MAYBE, AN APOLOGY.
CG: DON'T YOU THINK?
GG: you want me to apologize?!
GG: for what, calling you crazy for arguing with yourself???
CG: WOULD IT REALLY KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT?
GG: after taking so much crap from you for all those years?
GG: no forget it, im not apologizing that is BULLSHIT
CG: DEAD DREAM DOG JADE, IS THAT YOU??? YOU'RE SOUNDING A BIT HYSTERICAL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALM DOWN.
GG: shut uuuup!!!
CG: WELL IF YOU CAN MANAGE TO GET YOUR ANEURYSM UNDER CONTROL
CG: MAYBE YOU WILL REALIZE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY SPECIFY TO WHOM AN APOLOGY WAS IN ORDER.
CG: IDIOT.
GG: what
GG: are you saying you want to apologize
CG: I GUESS
CG: THIS APOLOGY WAS GOING TO GO DOWN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, SO THIS MIGHT AS WELL BE THE TIME.
CG: AND LET'S FACE IT, I WAS REALLY BEING THE WORST KIND OF PHLEGM BUBBLE BLOWN OUT A NOISY GLISTENING ASS.
CG: SO I'M SORRY.
CG: BUT TO BE FAIR, IT WAS MY PAST SELF WHO WAS GIVING YOU SUCH A HARD TIME, AND HE'S COMPLETELY DERANGED.
GG: ok, i appreciate the THOUGHT of an apology, but i dont know if it really counts if you are just going to pawn off responsibility on your "past self" again!
GG: maybe your "present self" should own up to it!
CG: YEAH THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING.
CG: HE, BEING ME, RIGHT NOW, IS OWNING UP TO WHAT A FUCKING RETARD PAST ME WAS, AND CONTINUES TO BE.
GG: laaaaame
CG: YES, I KNOW IT'S LAME.
CG: OR I KNOW THAT YOU THINK IT'S LAME WHEN I SAY SHIT LIKE THAT.
CG: BECAUSE REMEMBER
CG: I HAVE BEEN TALKING TO YOU FROM THE FUTURE, AND I KNOW YOU DON'T COTTON TO MY PCG/FCG STUPIDITY.
CG: BUT SEE, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.
CG: OR MORE SPECIFICALLY, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT YOU KNOW THAT YET.
CG: SO I'M KIND OF PULLING A FAST ONE HERE.
GG: hahahaha, that is so ridiculous
GG: why dont you stop it with all this nonsense and own up to being terrible unequivocally?
CG: YEAH I'M GOING TO.
CG: THE THING IS, I KIND OF MISREPRESENTED MYSELF.
CG: I'M NOT AS MUCH OF A SCUMBAG AS I WAS SO DETERMINED TO MAKE OUT WITH MYSELF TO BE.
CG: FUCK I MEAN
CG: MAKE MYSELF OUT TO BE
GG: :o
CG: I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHY I TROLLED YOU LIKE THAT SO PERSISTENTLY
CG: FOR SOME REASON DEEP DOWN I JUST KNEW THAT I HAD TO
CG: EVEN IF IT MEANT DIGGING MYSELF INTO A HUGE HOLE WITH YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT WOULD BE HARD TO CLIMB OUT OF
CG: AND LIKE PRACTICALLY EVERYTHING I SAID WAS COMPLETELY BASELESS BECAUSE I DIDN'T ACTUALLY KNOW YOU
CG: JUST LIKE YOU DIDN'T AND STILL DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW ME
CG: SO I GUESS I AM APOLOGIZING FOR IT, LIKE REALLY SERIOUSLY NOW.
CG: I, PRESENT KARKAT, IN THE CURRENT MOMENT, APOLOGIZE ON BEHALF OF MY STUPID PAST SELF, *WHO IS ACTUALLY ME*.
CG: THE GUY TALKING RIGHT NOW.
CG: LIKE, THERE'S NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THOSE GUYS, OK?
GG: hmmmm...
CG: HMMMM???????
GG: yes, hm
CG: HM WHAT
GG: ok karkat, that sounds pretty sincere to me
GG: and youre right, i dont actually know you
GG: i just know the part of you who acted like a bully
GG: i understand there can be more to a person than just the stuff they say when theyre angry
GG: so i will accept your apology and give you another chance
CG: OK, GREAT.
GG: and i will apologize for calling you crazy
GG: obviously i am not in much position to judge :|
CG: NO BUT
CG: YOU WERE RIGHT, I AM CRAZY
CG: BUT THANKS ANYWAY
GG: so you say you have been talking to me from the future?
CG: YEAH
CG: MAKING PLANS AND WHATNOT
CG: TO PRY OURSELVES MUTUALLY OUT OF THIS MASSIVE MOBIUS DOUBLE CLUSTERFUCK.
GG: ok, so what is the plan?
GG: i mean, why did you want me to contact you at this moment so badly?
CG: OK WELL THE MOST IMMEDIATE POINT OF BUSINESS IS
CG: YOU SEE THAT GLOWING BLUE SCREEN BEHIND YOU?
GG: yes
CG: YOU NEED TO TURN THAT FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT OFF.
GG: ok, i can do that
GG: but why, what does it do?
GG: its been here my whole life and i could never figure it out
CG: I'M NOT GOING TO SAY MUCH ABOUT IT.
CG: BUT SUFFICE TO SAY THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO SCREW WITH.
CG: THERE ARE OUTCOMES THAT ARE EVEN WORSE THAN THE COMPLETE ANNIHILATION OF EXISTENCE ITSELF
CG: FORCES MORE DAMAGING TO THE INTEGRITY OF REALITY THAN THOSE CAPABLE OF TURNING IMAGINATION INTO PURE VOID
CG: THEY ARE FORCES WHICH IF HANDLED RECKLESSLY WILL NULLIFY THE BASIC ABILITY OF INTELLIGENT BEINGS IN ALL REAL AND HYPOTHETICAL PLANES OF EXISTENCE TO GIVE A SHIT.
GG: i dont think im following...
CG: YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW
CG: ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS TURN THE THING OFF
CG: AND THEN DO THE NEXT THING I WAS TOLD TO TELL YOU TO DO.
GG: you were told?
GG: by who?
CG: BY YOU.
GG: oh...
GG: future me?
CG: YES.
CG: YOU COULD BE TELLING YOURSELF THIS RIGHT NOW, BUT WE'RE SORT OF WORKING ON A STRICT NO MEMO POLICY.
CG: WHICH IS YOUR IDEA OF COURSE.
CG: DID I MENTION HOW YOU DON'T LIKE IT WHEN WE ARGUE WITH OUR PAST/FUTURE SELVES? YES, PRETTY SURE I DID.
CG: SO I'M GOING ALONG WITH THE POLICY AS BEST I CAN.
CG: I AM BEING PLEASANT AND AGREEABLE, AND I WILL GENTLY LOWER A MAGNIFICENT, CORUSCATING COLUMN OF HOT FUCK YOU DOWN THE PROTEIN CHUTE OF ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.
GG: uh... ok
GG: well it sounds like a pretty good policy to me!
CG: YOU DON'T SAY.
CG: SO ANYWAY, BECAUSE OF THAT, MY ROLE AT THE MOMENT IS TO ACT AS A SORT OF GO BETWEEN FOR YOU AND YOUR FUTURE SELF
CG: TO HELP ALONG THE PROCESS OF MAKING THESE PLANS
CG: WHILE YOUR FUTURE SELF IS DELIBERATELY VAGUE ABOUT SOME STUFF SO AS NOT TO "JINX" THE CONCEPTION OF THE IDEAS IN THE FIRST PLACE I GUESS?
CG: ALL WHILE YOUR CURRENT SELF IS NECESSARILY KIND OF DUMB ABOUT EVERYTHING.
GG: hey!!!
CG: SORRY, OK, JUST KIND OF IGNORANT
CG: BECAUSE STUFF HASN'T HAPPENED YET
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
CG: IT'S NOT ALL THAT STRAIGHTFORWARD FOR ME EITHER, BUT I'M USED TO THIS SORT OF IDIOCY BY NOW.
CG: IT'S A LOT BETTER THAN THE MORONIC REVERSE CONVERSATION WITH EGBERT I TRAPPED MYSELF INTO.
CG: MEANWHILE TIME IS KIND OF RUNNING OUT HERE, WHERE I AM
CG: WE'RE COUNTING DOWN TO SOMETHING
CG: SOMETHING LOOMING ON THE TROLLIAN TIMELINE AND NO ONE KNOWS WHAT IT IS
CG: AND MY TEAM IS KIND OF FALLING APART
CG: I'M COMPLETELY LOSING TRACK OF EVERYONE AND WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
CG: SO AT THIS POINT I'M JUST GOING ALONG WITH WHATEVER THERE IS TO GO ALONG WITH.
CG: AND THAT IS YOU AND YOUR CRAZY FUTURE PLANS.
CG: AND THE SCRATCH.
GG: oh yeah! dave told me about that.
GG: what is it?
CG: I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!
CG: AT ONE POINT I THOUGHT I DID, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST WHATEVER SENT JACK HERE.
CG: BUT CLEARLY IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
CG: ARADIA KNEW BUT SHE DIDN'T SAY, AND THEN SHE WENT AND GODDAMN EXPLODED.
CG: YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME EITHER, BECAUSE I'M NOT "SUPPOSED TO KNOW" YET.
CG: WHATEVER, I DON'T EVEN CARE, LET'S JUST DO IT.
GG: ok then...
GG: what was the thing i told you to tell me to do?
GG: right now, i mean
CG: OK, DON'T ASK ME WHY, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW THAT EITHER.
CG: BUT THAT BLUE SCREEN THERE
CG: FIRST, LIKE I SAID, SHUT IT OFF
GG: ok
GG: then what
CG: THEN YOU NEED TO DRAW IT.
GG: draw it?
CG: YES
GG: and then?
CG: THEN NOTHING
CG: THAT'S IT.
***
> grimAuxiliatrix (GA) began trolling gardenGnostic (GG) --
GA: Are You Feeling Any More Cooperative In This Timeframe
GG: password!
GA: I See No Of Course Not
GA: Please
GA: I Know You Were Talking To Her Shortly Before
GA: What Did You Say To Her
GG: I SAID PASSWORD FUCKASS!!!!!
GA: Wow
GG: whoops sorry
GG: ive been having too many password arguments with karkat i guess :p
GA: I Still Dont Understand The Password Thing
GA: Past You Doesnt Care About Passwords What Happened
GG: well......
GG: it depends, do you want to have a silly conversation or a serious conversation?
GA: Which Is Favorable
GG: both are!
GG: but a silly conversation mostly doesnt matter or make the timeline more confusing than it needs to be
GG: so we can have one right now if you want
GG: in fact i would say it is coming dangerously close to being one already!
GG: but if it is a serious conversation you want then im afraid i must demand a........
GG: PASSWORD :P
GA: Can We Discuss A Serious Issue In A Silly Manner
GG: nope!
GA: How Am I Supposed To Know The Password
GG: because i told you
GA: I Dont Remember That
GG: exactly!!!!!!!!!!!
GA: I Feel Like I Am Trudging Waist Deep Through A Slither Basin Full Of Your Human Surprise Noodles
GG: hehehe
GG: yum :B ??????????????????????
GA: I Understand This Silliness Is Currently Permissible But Are Serious Questions About The Password Nonsense Permissible As Well
GG: hmm, i suppose those are acceptable
GA: Why Are You Demanding Passwords From Me And Also Apparently Karkat
GG: to keep the conversations linear!
GG: i gave you a password at the end of our previous conversation
GG: you have to give me that password to start our next conversation
GG: this ensures that past you cant jump ahead into the conversation and mess everything up, like you are trying to do now!
GA: I Am Not Trying To Do That
GG: i know, but trust me its better this way :)
GA: When Will I Get The Password
GG: i dont know, i have no idea what time you are from!
GG: but you will get it, i gave it to you some time ago at the end of our last conversation
GG: and i have been eagerly awaiting your linear and unconfusing reply ever since!
GG: bye kanaya <3
> gardenGnostic (GG) ceased being trolled by grimAuxiliatrix (GA) --
***
> grimAuxiliatrix (GA) began trolling gardenGnostic (GG) --
GA: Im Appreciating Our Conversations From This Timeframe More And More
GA: Past You Is Much Less Of A Taskmaster Than Future You Or Pre Blackout Rose
GG: thanks i think!
GG: what do you mean by pre blackout rose?
GA: I Mean Post Blackout Rose Is A Lot Less Difficult Insofar As She Is Unavailable
GG: umm, ok...
GG: but what do you mean by blackout???
GA: I Guess Youll Find Out Soon
GA: And Then Report It To Me Under Extremely Specific Circumstances
GA: Which Is Good Because I Sure Dont Know
GG: hmm @_@
GA: Yes Hmm And That Face Is A Good Response
GA: Your Eyes Are Right To Be Swirled Letters
GA: What Are You Doing
GG: im doing what you told me to do!
GG: im getting dave to set up that expensive equipment
GG: so i can start doing all that witch of spacey stuff you were telling me about
GG: which i appreciate, since my sprite turned out to be sad and useless, and not very wise at all :(
GA: I See
GA: Well I Didnt Actually Tell You To I Was Just Being Informative
GA: Also It Isnt Technically Witch Of Spacey Stuff
GA: I Was A Sylph Not A Witch
GG: oh
GG: what is a sylph?
GA: I Think Its Sort Of Like A Witch
GA: But More Magical
GG: a magical witch???
GA: Yes Im Completely Certain Of That Suddenly
GG: thats awesome
GA: But Regardless I Think Our Roles Are Approximately The Same Since We Are Both Stokers Of The Forge
GA: As Well As Holders Of Breeding Duties
GA: However I Should Clarify That My Earlier Counsel Was Mostly Academic
GA: It Takes Weeks To Do All Of It Properly
GA: You Wont Have Time
GG: breeding duties?????
GA: Yeah
GG: uhhhhhhhhh...
GG: please tell me that doesnt involve what it sounds like!
GA: What Does It Sound Like
GG: it sounds like
GG: it involves
GG: a lot of breeding :\
GA: Well It Does
GA: But Not Breeding Through Means Typical Of Most Species
GG: oh
GG: does the equipment we are deploying have anything to do with it?
GA: It Has A Lot To Do With It
GA: It Is Cloning Equipment Much Like What Is Scattered All Over The Veil
GA: The Same Kind Responsible For Creating All Of Us
GG: ok then, thats pretty neat
GA: I Didnt Mean To Alarm You By Implying You Were Required To Wage A Great Deal Of Personal Procreation Over A Span Of Several Weeks
GG: yeah, whew <_<;
GA: Though It Should Be Clear That Repopulation Is Among Our Duties As Well In The Long Term
GA: And Ive Gathered That The Cloning Apparatus In The Veil Is Probably Meant To Permit An Initial Boost On The World We Select For Settlement
GA: But Beyond That It Is Up To The Descendants To Perpetuate The Race
GA: And Your Species Has Quite An Advantage In This Respect
GG: how so?
GA: Your Procreation May Be Carried Out By Paired Individuals Autonomously
GA: Whereas Ours May Not
GA: Which Is What Makes My Role Particularly Important
GG: what is your role?
GA: Im The Keeper Of The Matriorb
GA: It Is An Egg That Will Hatch A New Mother Grub
GA: She Alone Will Be Responsible For Bearing Our Young
GG: whoa, cool!
GG: so you are like bugs, like bees or ants or such, but with horns
GA: I Guess So
GA: And You Are Like Erect Livestock
GA: Without The Muscle Definition
GA: Or The Hermaphroditic Physiology For That Matter
GG: :o
GA: But Milk Producers Nonetheless
GA: That Rare Kind Of Organism To Nurture Hatchless Young Within
GA: Are You Not
GG: errr.......
GG: yes 8|
GA: Anyway
GA: I Had Imagined I Would Hatch The New Grub On A Planet In Your Universe
GA: And When That Became Impossible I Quickly Lost Hope
GA: I Assumed It Would Remain Locked In Its Card Forever
GA: Which Could Only Be Opened When The Orb Was Meant To Be Used
GA: But Then I Found Something Quite Unexpected When I Was Exploring This Lab
GA: I Found A Key
GA: It Was Deep In The Meteor
GA: And As I Suspected It Released The Orb
GA: Which Was Really Confusing To Me For A While
GA: Until I Realized What It Meant
GA: Which Is So Obvious Im Amazed I Didnt Think Of It Right Away
GG: what!
GA: It Means I Am Supposed To Use It Now
GA: To Hatch The Grub In The Heart Of This Meteor
GG: you think so?
GA: Sure
GA: There Is No Reason A Meteor Couldnt Act As The Center Of Our Races Resurrection
GA: They Are Themselves Like Large Seeds After All
GA: The Only Question Is Whether We Can Manage To Keep It From Being Destroyed
GA: As Well As Whether I Am Able To Raise A Mother Grub To Maturity
GA: Oh Wow That Thought Is Actually Pretty Overwhelming
GG: i think you can do it!
GA: You Do
GG: yes...
GG: didnt you say your lusus was a grub?
GA: Yes She Was In Fact A Mother Grub
GA: Who Relinquished Her Calling As Matriarch To Raise Me
GG: thats perfect!
GG: if you were raised by a mother grub, then you are in a great position to raise one yourself
GG: it is like...
GG: a sort of family legacy!
GG: a really cool alien family legacy
GA: Okay
GA: Thanks For Saying So
GG: dont mention it!
GG: so how does this cloning stuff work?
GA: Its Very Involved
GA: Like I Said You Wont Have Time
GA: In Fact It Probably Should Have Taken Considerably Longer Than It Took Me
GA: I Was A Little Rushed
GG: i want to try anyway!
GG: if you can hold out hope for rebuilding your race in the center of a meteor, then i think i can at least try to get a little cloning done with the time i have left
GA: Yes Youre Right
GA: I Cant Imagine How You Can Complete The Objective In The Time Given
GA: But Weirder Things Have Happened I Think
GA: First Deploy The Pad
GG: yes, dave is doing that at the top of this ridiculous tower
GA: Um
GA: Why All The Way Up There
GG: didnt you say it needed to be in a warm place?
GA: Yes Thats Right
GG: my house is freezing now
GG: it ran on geothermal power before...
GG: and i guess theres no heat anywhere inside this planet
GA: That Will Probably Change If You Light The Forge
GA: But One Thing At A Time I Guess
GG: yes i would like to hear about that later...
GG: but yeah the weather seems just fine out here in the medium!
GG: lets see how dave is doing.....
GG: its...
GG: so small :o
GA: Thats The Appropriate Size For The Equipment
GG: but
GG: clone babies can barely even fit on that thing!
GA: Babies
GA: What
GG: i mean young humans!!!
GG: you know, that we milk producers nurture hatchless within?
GA: Yes I Know
GA: I Didnt Mean To Suggest Your Breeding Duties Involved Cloning Humans
GA: Repopulation Is Not Whats Happening Here
GA: Its Not Your Objective As The Witch Of Space
GA: Not Yet Anyway
GG: then what is the objective?
GG: what am i breeding????
GA: Frogs
GG: :O
GA: Sorry I Thought That Was Obvious
GG: i cant get over how tiny this thing is!
GG: its so cute
GG: so the baby frogs show up on this pad here?
GA: Yes
GG: i cant wait to try it
GA: What Are You Laughing At There
GG: oh
GG: lol
GG: dave just has a lot of funny stuff to say about all this
GA: What Is He Saying
GG: oh you know, a bunch of silly stuff
GG: theres too much to copy/paste!
GA: Hmm
GG: here ill save it all to a file and send it to you
> gardenGnostic (GG) sent grimAuxiliatrix (GA) the file "daveisafunnyguy.txt" --
GA: Okay Im Laughing Pretty Hard At All That
GG: hahaha
GG: alright how do i get started!
GA: He Will Need To Deploy The Terminal
GA: Then You Can Start Hunting For Frogs To Appearify From Around Your World
GG: ok, here is a frog on the screen
GG: on no, is it trapped in ice?
GA: I Would Conjecture That Most Of Them Are
GA: And Will Stay That Way Until The Forge Is Brought To Life
GA: I Think The Event Is Designed To Trigger Drastic Planetary Upheaval Wherever The Forge Is Stationed
GA: It Did On My Planet As Well
GG: was your planet covered in ice too?
GA: No Mostly Water
GG: cool!
GG: anyway, i will try to rescue this frog
GG: so i push this button to appearify it?
GA: Yes
GA: It Probably Wont Do Any Good But You Can Try
GG: ok........
GG: oh god, it is still a frogcicle!!!!
GG: this will not do
GA: The Problem Isnt That The Frog Is Still Frozen
GA: The Problem Is That You Were Able To Appearify It At All
GA: Ectobiology Is Based Entirely On Your Inability To Appearify A Subject
GG: i dont understand!
GG: but i am intrigued...
GA: If That Frog Were Destined To Do Something Else
GA: Such As Become Ensnared In Your Net Later
GA: You Would Not Be Able To Appearify It Because That Would Cause A Paradox
GA: So Instead You Would Appearify Its Slime Imprint
GA: The Paradox Slime Is What Is Important Here
GA: You Can Mix It With The Slime From Other Paradoxically Appearified Frog Imprints
GA: Study The Genes And Selectively Combine
GA: And Then Create Resulting Paradox Clones
GG: ok, that makes sense i think
GG: how can i appearify some frog slime?
GA: You Will Need To Direct The Terminal To Another Frog
GA: And Then You Must Be Sure Later To Interfere With That Frog In Some Way
GA: For Instance By Planning To Venture Out To Capture That Exact Frog As I Suggested Earlier
GA: That Way It Will Be Impossible To Appearify The Frog Before Your Interference Has Taken Place
GA: Only Its Slime Will Arrive
GG: so it is like
GG: a sort of backwards frog breeding
GG: clone first, catch later?
GA: Yes
GG: ok, i will try this
GG: heheh, look at this handsome guy here, hiding in the woods and being sneaky
GG: he looks frozen solid too
GG: so if i go bother him later, that means if i try to take him now i will only get slime right???
GA: Yes That Should Work
GA: Make A Note Of The Coordinates
GA: When You Travel To Interact With Your Cloned Subjects You Are Also Taking The Opportunity To Explore And Discover New Habitats
GA: As Well As New Species Of Frogs For Your Terminal To Track
GA: Its Efficient To Go Adventuring In This Fashion While You Are Waiting For Your Young Clones To Mature
GG: that sounds like fun!!!!!!!
GA: Yes Its A Lot Of Fun
GA: It Is Also Extremely Time Consuming
GA: Unlike Some Appearifiers In The Veil This One Is Locked To The Present Moment
GA: You Cannot Use It As A Window Into The Future Or Past And Isolate Frogs Whose Futures Are Certain And Therefore Most Paradoxifiable
GA: Means Of Expedition Are Limited
GA: I Suppose You Could Use Time Travel To Accelerate The Process
GA: But You Would Need To Establish Weeks Worth Of Stable Time Loops
GA: I Think It Would Be An Overly Elaborate And Dangerous Undertaking Personally And Anyone Who Would Attempt Such A Thing Is Reckless
GA: I Wouldnt Advise It
GG: hmmmmm
GG: k hang on while i clone this fella.....
GG: yaaaaaay!!!
GA: Youll Need Somewhere To Keep Them While They Grow
GA: Like A Pool Or A Tank Or Such
GA: Or At Least Something Temporary
GA: Water Wasnt Very Hard For Me To Come By But For You I Dont Know
GG: i will think of something...
GG: i wont let the poor little guy suffocate!
GG: so i am supposed to wait for him to grow up, and then breed him with other frog paradox clones?
GA: Yes But This Isnt All There Is To The Cloning Process
GA: A True Paradox Clone Is An Exact Genetic Duplicate Of The Subject
GA: Later That Clone Will Be Sent Back In Time To Become Itself
GA: In Fact If It Is An Exact Duplicate This Is Guaranteed To Happen
GA: This Is What Classifies It As A Paradox Clone
GA: Any Duplicate Which Genetically Deviates From The Original Is Not
GA: It Is Simply A Mutant
GA: And For Breeding Purposes Mutation Is Desirable
GA: Within Reason
GA: You May Adjust The Settings On The Equipment To Promote Genetic Anomalies
GA: But Its Very Delicate And You Can Go Too Far
GA: Responsibly Guiding The Evolution Of The Genetic Code During The Breeding Process Is Very Important
GA: In Fact It Is The Most Important Thing About This Of All
GG: it is?
GA: Yes
GG: huh...
GG: so what is the actual purpose of all this breeding?
GG: am i trying to make one really special frog with just the right genetic code or something?
GG: sort of like the ULTIMATE FROG :O
GA: Actually
GA: Yes
GA: Thats Exactly What Youre Doing
GG: oh!
GA: Your Objective Is To Breed The Genesis Frog
GG: why?
GA: You Cant Complete The Game Without Doing So
GA: Your Entire Mission Depends On Breeding Him
GG: him?
GG: so he is a boy frog?
GA: Yes
GA: He Will Begin As A Tadpole Like You Have There But Considerably Bigger
GA: And He Will Mature To Become The Speaker
GA: A Deity Like Figure Idolized By The Consorts Who Wait For Him To Come
GG: the speaker?
GA: Hes Known As The Speaker Of The Vast Croak
GG: hehehe
GG: CROOOOOOAK
GA: Yes The Croak Really Is Quite Vast And Is Something To Behold
GA: Its The Most Amazing Thing I Have Seen
GG: then the speaker is like a god, but there are a lot of them?
GG: like one for each session, kind of like the kings and queens?
GA: Yes There Will Be One For Every Session Should The Players Be Successful
GA: And Each One Is A Unique Product Of Their Quest
GA: The Kingdoms Are At Odds Over His Creation
GA: Prospit Worships Him Much As The Consorts Do
GA: Derse Reviles Him And Outlaws Frogs Wherever They Can
GA: Even The Iconography
GA: Their Agents Mock His Name With Slurs
GA: Like Speaker Of The Vast Joke
GA: Or Bilious Slick
GA: Although To Be Honest That Is What We Ended Up Calling Him
GA: Not To Be Disrespectful Though It Was Just A Catchier Name
GG: it is pretty catchy...
GG: if i call him that i will be sure to say i mean no offense!
GA: I Doubt Its Even Possible To Offend Him
GG: thats good
GG: ok then what?
GG: what do we do after i make this big god froggy?
GG: does it have something to do with the new universe we create?
GA: Most Certainly
GG: you said he was a genesis frog
GG: does that mean we bring him into the universe and...
GG: he makes new planets or life or such?
GA: No
GA: Youre Not Really Understanding The Magnitude Of His Role
GA: He Is Not Responsible For Just One Aspect Of The Universe You Create
GA: Hes Responsible For All Of Them
GA: Bilious Slick Is Your Universe
GG: really???
GA: I Dont Mean Hes The Universe You Are From
GA: We Engineered That Incarnation
GA: He Is The Universe That You Are Trying To Create
GG: yes i got that!
GA: Sorry
GA: I Thought It Was Obvious But Then Wasnt Sure
GG: you mean he is LITERALLY a universe?
GA: Yes Literally
GA: That Statement Was As Literal As You Can Possibly Make Words Be
GA: I Know Your Species Is Frequently Insincere For A Variety Of Reasons
GG: but your species is too!
GG: especially karkat, he is incredibly sarcastic
GA: Thats True But When We Do It Its Usually Just Because We Are Trying To Be Jerks
GA: Rather Than By Way Of A Mild Manner Perpetually Dispatching Little Puzzles Of Rhetoric Without Apparent Purpose
GG: but i dont do that!
GG: i try to say what i mean as much as i can
GA: Yeah I Think Ive Been Discerning That
GA: Its A Nice Change Of Pace
GG: from what?
GA: Oh Its Not Important
GG: haha, you mean from rose?
GA: Well
GA: Not That It Wasnt An Enjoyable Exercise In Xenocultural Inculcation
GG: yeah, rose and dave are like that all the time!
GG: they inculcate that stuff like crazy
GG: so you have been talking to her a lot i guess?
GA: Sort Of
GG: are you best friends now??
GA: I Guess As Mutually Friendly As The Time Has Permitted Two People To Be
GA: I Wont Be Speaking To Her Anymore Though
GG: why?
GG: oh yeah, because you said she is blacked out?
GG: what the heck does that mean!
GA: It Just Means In A Few Moments From Your Perspective I Wont Be Able To See Her Through My Viewport Or Talk To Her
GA: I Dont Know Why Exactly But Its Not That Hard To Guess
GA: She Has Been Relying On The Powers And Counsel Of Dark Gods And Other Sources Of Ambiguous Intent
GA: And She Has Consequently Devised A Plan Which Sounds Very Dangerous To Me
GG: yeah, i didnt like the sound of her plan either!
GA: You Are More Sensible
GA: Its Probably The Influence Skaia Has Had On You
GA: Having Spent Much Of Your Life Awake On Prospit
GA: Like Me
GG: you did???????
GA: If Were Alike In Some Ways Maybe Its Because Of This
GG: yeah! :D
GA: I Woke Up A Long Time Ago
GA: I Had Trouble Sleeping When I Was Young
GA: The Sunlight Was Unnaturally Invigorating To Me I Guess
GA: My Lusus Could Do Nothing To Help
GA: And When I Was Supposed To Be In My Cocoon I Would Often Wander Out To The Desert
GA: Where One Day I Was Visited By A Stranger Who Dressed And Spoke In White
GA: He Put Me To Sleep And I Awoke On Prospit
GA: Where I Have Dreamed Ever Since
GA: He Said He Was My Guardian
GA: And Though He Visited Rarely I Did Regard Him As That
GA: Then Later He Stopped Coming
GA: In Time I Began To Believe He Was A Figment Of My Mind
GA: Like An Imaginary Friend To Give Me Reassurance When I Needed It
GA: But Then While Playing Our Game I Learned He Was Real
GA: He Had Spoken To Others From Our Party
GA: And Had Been Manipulating Us All To Advance His Schemes
GA: It Was Saddening To Learn My Fortuitous Awakening Had Been The Product Of A Nefarious Ploy
GA: Youre Lucky That Your Awakening Probably Had No Such Entanglements
GG: jeez, i hope not...
GA: But I Guess Its Only A Minor Contamination Of Something Otherwise Great
GA: I Was Allowed To See What Skaia Would Show Me
GA: And To Prepare For Dangers Ahead And Try To Protect People
GG: me too!!!!!
GG: wow kanaya i did not realize how much we had in common
GA: Youre Right We Do
GA: I Feel A Bit Silly That It Took Me So Long To Engage With The One Corresponding Closely With My Role
GA: It Must Be A Certain Madness Im Afflicted By
GA: To Orbit Those More Reckless And Dangerous Than I And More Daring For It
GA: I Guess I Want To Help Them But They Never Can Be Helped It Seems
GG: well, it sounds like helping people is something that is in your nature
GG: i can understand that
GG: are you saying rose is reckless and dangerous?
GA: Yes Definitely
GA: We Have Our Share Of Dangerous Players Who Seem To Do Nothing But Cause Problems
GA: I Believe She Is Yours
GA: And If Her Insane Plan Wasnt Alarming Enough
GA: She Has Been Communicating With The Stranger I Mentioned
GA: And Unsurprisingly She Has Not Been Forthright About The Nature Of Their Conversations
GG: you mean your guardian?
GA: Yes
GA: And Hes Not Merely A Guardian
GA: Im Very Sure He Is A First Guardian
GA: Like Your Lusus Was
GG: uh oh...
GG: im not sure why, but the sound of that makes me really nervous
GA: I Feel The Same Way About It
GA: The Involvement Of Any Such Entity Strikes Me As Quite Inauspicious
GA: Even When Seemingly Benign
GG: she didnt mention anything about this when we talked
GG: but then she seemed preoccupied
GA: She Was
GA: Youll Have A Chance To Determine More Soon
GA: After Which Hopefully You Can Tell Me
GG: yeah, i will!
GA: In The Meantime I Will Go
GA: I Would Like To Return To The Core To Situate This Orb
GA: It Seems You Have Your Own Orb To Care For Now
GG: lol yeah i guess so!
GG: ok, you can go do that, and i guess i will check on rose, but...
GG: theres still so much i want to know!
GG: i want to know more about stoking the forge and breeding the frogs, and about your time on prospit and all that!
GA: Okay I Will Definitely Help You As Much As I Can
GA: The Young Prospit Wakers Ought To Stick Together
GG: yes! <3
GA: Ill Message You Again In Your Future
GA: And You May Reply If You Have Cause To
GG: if i have cause to?
GG: oh!!!
GG: that reminds me, i was thinking of implementing a system to keep some of these confusing conversations simple and linear
GA: Does It By Any Chance Have To Do With Passwords
GG: yeah! i guess someone told you?
GA: Yes You
GA: You Delivered News Of The System By Demanding A Password From Me
GG: aaaaa you see??????
GG: you nearly just gave me the idea for the plan in the first place paradoxically from my own future self!!!
GG: i just find that kind of thing annoying for some reason, it doesnt feel right...
GG: i would rather ideas came from the place they actually came from
GA: Thats A Reasonable Attitude
GG: ok lets put the system in play starting now!
GG: i will give you a password, and you give it to me in the future when you want to pick up this conversation again
GA: Okay
GG: the password is...............
GG: CROOOOOOOOOOOAK
GG: it must be in all caps, and must contain precisely ten Os!
GA: Ten
GA: Im Counting Eleven
GG: whoops!
GG: eleven then :p
GA: The Password System Is Already Paying Overwhelming Dividends Of Ease And Rationality
GG: kanaya :o
GG: that sounded
GG: just a weeeeeee bit
GG: sarcastic ;D
GA: Oh
GA: Wow Yeah
GA: I Hope Im Not Falling Prey To A Crisis Of Sincerity
GG: you are just becoming multicultural, thats all
GG: i think i am learning to be more multicultural through karkat as well
GG: it mostly involves saying fuck a lot
GA: Oh No
GG: heheheheh, its ok, hes really not so bad
GA: Yeah I Know
GG: ok! go hatch that orb!
GG: i will be waiting
GA: Yes Ill Do That
GA: Bye Jade
GG: later!
> grimAuxiliatrix (GA) ceased trolling gardenGnostic (GG) --
***
terminallyCapricious (TC) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)
TC: honk.
CG: GAMZEE!!!
CG: FUCK
CG: THERE YOU ARE, YOU HAD ME WORRIED DUDE
TC: HONK.
CG: UH
CG: YEAH
CG: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ANYWAY, I TOLD EVERYONE TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU'RE GONNA WANDER OFF.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
CG: YEAH, I GET IT WISE GUY, YOU'RE A FUCKING CLOWN, WHO CARES.
CG: QUIT THE BULLSHIT PARTYCLOWN ANTICS AND GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE.
CG: THE SHIT HAS HIT THE WHIRLING DEVICE, AND YOU COULD BE IN SERIOUS DANGER OUT THERE.
TC: shut up.
CG: WHAT...
TC: I SAID SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP, MOTHERFUCKER.
TC: honk honk honk :o)
CG: DUDE
CG: ARE YOU OK
CG: YOU'RE REALLY WEIRDING ME OUT.
TC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
TC: uh, yeah...
TC: I GUESS I'M ALL MOTHERFUCKIN WEIRDING OUT AT SOME EXTENT TO MY OWN MOTHERFUCKIN SELF.
TC: but it's all good, i'm chill with it.
CG: OH GOD
CG: NO NO NO, PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU WENT CRAZY, I COULDN'T TAKE THAT ON TOP OF ALL THIS.
TC: ON TOP OF MOTHERFUCKIN WHAT, MOTHERFUCKER.
CG: ERIDAN JUST FLIPPED HIS SHIT AND KILLED FEFERI AND KANAYA, AND I'M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT ABOUT IT.
TC: heh heh.
CG: HEH HEH???
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
CG: SERIOUSLY, GET BACK HERE NOW, AND HAVE A SLIME PIE TO RELAX OR SOMETHING.
TC: SLIME?
TC: there is no more slime, brother.
TC: AND ANYWAY.
TC: shit was motherfuckin poison, didn't you know?
CG: UH...
CG: NO? I MEAN, I WOULD NEVER EAT IT, BUT
TC: THEN GET MOTHERFUCKIN SCHOOLFED ALL ABOUT THE WICKED NEWS, PUNCHLINE BLOODED MOTHERFUCKER.
TC: it rots you.
TC: RUSTS YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN THINK PAN.
TC: and the floor all stares up back at you through the motherfuckin hole.
TC: BUT THERE IS NO HOLE NOW.
TC: only under motherfuckin standing of who all i was made out to be all along.
TC: ONLY UNDER MOTHERFUCKING STANDING OF WHO ALL I WAS MADE OUT TO MOTHERFUCKING BE ALL A MOTHERFUCKING LONG.
CG: OH MY GOD
CG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
TC: i've been kicking the wicked ignorance on this shit.
TC: BEEN MOTHERFUCKIN SLAUGHTERING THE WICKED IGNORANCE, BRO.
TC: all up in lifelong denial about my calling.
TC: AS A DESCENDANT OF THE HIGH MOTHERFUCKIN SUBJUGGLATORS.
TC: we are higher than you, brother.
TC: WE ARE HIGHER THAN MOTHERFUCKIN EVERYBODY.
TC: honk.
CG: GAMZEE
CG: PLEASE NO
TC: and now i'm the last one, so i finally motherfuckin understand.
TC: I FINALLY GOT MY MOTHERFUCKING UNDERSTAND ON TO WHO THE MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS ARE.
TC: they were always both me. :o)
TC: AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING ME. Do:
TC: and now.
TC: AND MOTHERFUCKING NOW.
TC: i am going to motherfuckin kill all you motherfuckers.
CG: OH GOD
CG: OH MAN
CG: OH GOD
TC: I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.
TC: and paint the wicked pictures with your motherfuckin blood.
TC: FROM YOUR VEINS WILL DRIP MY MIRACLES.
TC: your crushed bones will make my special stardust.
TC: WELCOME TO THE DARK CARNIVAL, BROTHER.
TC: honk.
TC: HONK.
TC: honk.
TC: HOOOOOOOOOOONK.
terminallyCapricious (TC) ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)
***
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist (CCG) RIGHT NOW opened memo on board TEAM ADORABLOODTHIRSTY.
CCG: THIS IS PROBABLY THE LAST MEMO I WILL WRITE.
CCG: BECAUSE FIRST OF ALL, THERE'S PRETTY MUCH NOTHING LEFT TO SAY.
CCG: AND SECOND OF ALL, I MIGHT BE DEAD SOON.
CCG: I'M JUST HOPING SOME OF YOU IDIOTS READ THIS, AND EVEN IF YOU THINK I'M FULL OF SHIT NOW, WHEN IT ALL STARTS GOING DOWN YOU MIGHT JUST REMEMBER WHAT I SAID AND SAVE YOURSELVES.
CCG: THE WORST CASE SCENARIO HAS HAPPENED.
CCG: THE BARD OF RAGE IS ON THE LOOSE.
CCG: YEAH, I KNOW WE ALL THOUGHT THAT TITLE WAS A JOKE, BUT IT TURNED OUT IT WASN'T.
CCG: HE'S COMPLETELY SNAPPED, AND FOR THOSE OF YOU FURTHER AHEAD ON THE TIMELINE, I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU HOW DANGEROUS HE IS.
CCG: REMEMBER WHAT HE DID TO THE BLACK KING.
CCG: NOBODY COULD EXPLAIN IT, AND THEN HE JUST WENT BACK TO SPACING OUT FOR THE REST OF THE BATTLE.
CCG: I MEAN SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.
CCG: I DON'T EVEN THINK THE KING COULD FUCKING BELIEVE IT, FRANKLY.
CCG: DID ANYONE'S ATTACK DO AS MUCH DAMAGE? I DON'T THINK SO.
CCG: I DON'T EVEN THINK VRISKA'S DID, ALTHOUGH IT'S HARD TO SAY SINCE THAT WAS THE KNOCKOUT BLOW.
CCG: ^^^ SPOILERS.
CCG: I GUESS WE THOUGHT IT WAS LIKE A SECRET JOKE POWER OR SOMETHING?
CCG: BUT THE JOKE IS ON US.
CCG: HE IS OUT OF PIE, AND NOW THE FAYGO GENIE IS OUT OF THE SHITTY SODA BOTTLE FOR GOOD.
CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED.
CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK.
CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM?
CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK.
CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD
CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
CCG: IT CAME FROM THE HORN PILE
CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS JUST THE BODY SETTLING ON AN ERRANT HORN OR...
CCG: OR IF...
CCG: I HAVE TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.
PAST terminallyCapricious (PTC) 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PTC: HeY BeSt fRiEnD.
PTC: nOw wHaT ThE MoThEr fUcK WiLl i bE SuPpOsEd tO Do?
PTC: i'M nOt FoLlOwInG.
CCG: PAST GAMZEE, GOD DAMN IT.
CCG: I AM TRYING TO WARN PEOPLE OF YOUR MURDEROUS FUTURE SELF.
CCG: THIS PRACTICALLY DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
CCG: NOW GO BACK TO GROPING YOUR HORNS AND BEING DISTRACTED BY COLORS YOU USELESS FUCK.
PTC: YeAh, I CaN DeFiNiTeLy cArRy oUt tHaT OrDeR, bRo.
PTC: i gUeSs i'lL WaIt uNtIl tHe mOtHeRfUcKiN FuTuRe hApPeNs tO SeE AbOuT WhAt aLl tHiS MuRdErInG NoIsE Is. :o)
CCG banned PTC from responding to memo.
CCG: LIKE I WAS SAYING.
CCG: STILL FREAKING OUT.
CCG: AUGH
CCG: THERE WAS ANOTHER LITTLE HONK
CCG: IT WAS SO FAINT
CCG: DID I JUST IMAGINE IT? I THINK I MIGHT BE LOSING IT.
CCG: I REALLY HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE, BUT
CCG: I SHOULD TRY TO REVIVE THEM FIRST.
CCG: I KNOW DERSE AND PROSPIT ARE GONE, BUT IF THERE'S ANY CHANCE AT ALL THEY SURVIVED I'VE GOT TO TRY.
CCG: I'M NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO GOING NEAR THAT HORN PILE THOUGH.
CCG: WHAT IF HE'S BEEN IN THERE THE WHOLE TIME???
CCG: I AM SHITTING MYSELF SO HARD HERE, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO.
CCG: GUESS I HAVE TO BRAVE IT FOR FEFERI'S SAKE.
PAST cuttlefishCuller (PCC) 380 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PCC: For my sake? 38)
PCC: W)(at do you mean, Crabcatc)(?
CCG: OH GOD, FEFERI...
PCC: Is any of t)(is serious?
PCC: It's so )(ard to tell! All of your memos )(ave been so outrageous, I can't even decide w)(at to take seriously anymore.
PCC: T)(is one sounds like the biggest w)(opper of all, to be conknest!
CCG: YES I AM DEAD "GLUBBING" SERIOUS, OK.
PCC: STILL SOUNDS PRETTY FIS)(Y TO M-E!!! 38D
CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY.
CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
PCC: Sorry for w)(at??
CCG: FOR
CCG: I
CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS
CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.
CCG banned PCC from responding to memo.
CCG: BEFORE I GO
CCG: EVERYONE SHOULD ALSO KNOW ERIDAN HAD A COMPLETE SHITHIVE MELTDOWN TOO
CCG: HE'S GOING AROUND KILLING PEOPLE WITH HIS MAGIC WAND
CCG: SO KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR HIM.
CCG: IF I RUN INTO HIM AGAIN, I'M...
CCG: I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
CCG: HE BETTER PRAY TO ALL HIS MURDERED ANGELS IT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
PAST caligulasAquarium (PCA) 311 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PCA: a magic wwand is that so
PCA: kar come on noww evveryone fuckin KNOWWS this memos rubbish
***
CCG: HEY ASSHOLE
CCG: CONSIDER OUR "PACT" OVER
PCA: wwevve got a pact
CCG: NOT ANYMORE
CCG: YOU ARE DEAD TO ME
CCG: PAST YOU, PRESENT YOU, FUTURE YOU
CCG: AND ABOVE ALL, UGLY SCARFNECKED DOUCHEBAG HIPSTER YOU
CCG: WAIT I FORGOT, ALL OF THE YOUS ARE THAT YOU
CCG: IF I WASN'T SO TERRIFIED, I'D BE CONSUMED WITH ANGER, AND AS SOON AS I'M DONE COWERING IN A DARK CORNER HIDING FROM THAT HONKING MURDEROUS TOOL, I'M GOING TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND FILLET YOU WITH MY SICKLE.
PCA: wwhoa kar
PCA: this is nothin if not flatterin but dont you think youre comin on a little strong
CCG: OH GOD
CCG: I AM NOT HITTING ON YOU IDIOT, THIS IS HONEST TO GOD PLATONIC ENMITY
CCG: LIKE IN THE "I REALLY DO WANT YOU TO DIE" KIND OF WAY.
CCG: I AM NOT INITIATING AN ELABORATE CALIGINOUS WALTZ WITH YOU YOU DESPERATE SHIT.
PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious
PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up
PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor
CCG: UGH, NO
PCA: are you busy
PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it
CCG: DUDE, ARE YOU AN IDIOT, YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE I AM FROM 300 FUCKING HOURS IN THE FUTURE, EVEN IF I WERE REMOTELY INTERESTED, WHICH TO THAT I SIMPLY SAY WHAT THE FUCK.
PCA: oh hahaha yeah losin track a the time shit is easy wwhen wwe start riffin like this kar
CCG: LIKE WHAT? WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING HERE
PCA: im just lonely here and i got major ordeals to keep afloat wwith
CCG: I KNOW YOU'RE LONELY, GOD DAMN IT, WHO CARES.
PCA: im sayin it wwould be cool to hang out and you said you wwould
PCA: can you put in a wword wwith your past self maybe buggin him to make the trip wwhen he gets the chance
CCG: WAIT, WERE YOU HITTING ON ME BACK THEN?
CCG: *ARE* YOU HITTING ON ME?
CCG: LIKE AN ACTUAL RED SOLICITATION, IS THAT WAS THIS WAS???
PCA: wwhat
CCG: GOD DAMN IT, I AM CHEWING YOU OUT FOR WAND MURDER, AND YOU ARE FLIRTING WITH ME
CCG: MY FUCKING GOD MAN.
PCA: hey im not spyin you bein anythin but cagey wwhat wwith this wwhole line a humor and all
CCG: HOW ABOUT NO, DIPSHIT, NOT INTERESTED?????
PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you
CCG: WHY NOT
PCA: cause youre future you
PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game
CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE
CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW.
PCA: just send past you ovver man wwell hang out
PCA: its not like im doin anythin right noww
CCG: LIKE FUCK YOU AREN'T
PCA: wwhats that mean
CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU
PCA: no
CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT.
PCA: wwell uh
PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing
CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.
CCG: BECAUSE YOU ARE A STONE COLD RETARDED FUCKING IDIOT.
CCG: NOT TO MENTION COWARDLY BACKSTABBING MURDERER.
CCG: I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU FOREVER.
PCA: kar im gettin some seriously mixed signals here
CCG: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO THEM
PCA: wwhat to wwho
CCG: TO
CCG: FUCK
CCG: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED HER.
PCA: wwho man wwhat are you talkin about
CCG: AND ALSO...
PCA: wwhat youre not makin sense
CCG: I CAN'T
CCG: I CAN'T EVEN TYPE HER NAME
CCG: SHE WAS MY FRIEND
CCG: SHE WAS MY REALLY *GOOD* FRIEND AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO DO NOW THAT SHE'S GONE.
CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE.
PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it
CCG: FUCK NO.
CCG: I CAN'T STAND TO LOOK AT YOUR DUMB PURPLE WORDS ANYMORE.
CCG: NEXT TIME I SEE THAT SHITTY COLOR YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT'LL BE COMING OUT OF YOUR BODY.
CCG: AND NO, FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, THAT WAS NOT INNUENDO.
CCG banned PCA from responding to memo.
CCG: ANYWAY
CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.
FUTURE terminallyCapricious (FTC) 0:42:00 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTC: honk.
CCG: OH GOD
FTC: HEY BEST MOTHERFUCKING FRIEND.
FTC: what all seems to be the motherfuckin problem? :o)
CCG: OH GOD OH GOD
CCG: DON'T YOU SEE EVERYONE?
CCG: THIS CRAZY FUCKER HAS COMPLETELY CRACKED, I TOLD YOU.
FTC: THAT'S KICKIN THE WICKED MOTHERFUCKIN MISINFORMATION, MY BROTHER.
FTC: i'm as chill as all what's can be.
FTC: NO CAUSE FOR ALARM, JUST MOTHERFUCKIN GONNA SIT AND ZONE THE MOTHERFUCK OUT WITH A PAN RUSTING PIE LIKE AS MY USUAL MOTHERFUCKIN SELF DOES.
FTC: honk.
FTC: HONK.
FTC: honk.
FTC: HONK.
CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD
FTC: i'm in your future, best friend.
FTC: I KNOW WHERE YOU MOTHERFUCKING ARE.
FTC: and what you'll motherfuckin do.
CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
FTC: AND ALSO.
FTC: and also.
FTC: GUESS MOTHERFUCKIN WHAT.
CCG: .....
CCG: NO I DON'T WANT TO
FTC: i'm all about to be meeting up some friends. :o)
FTC: GOING TO GET PRETTY MOTHERFUCKING FRIENDLY AT THEM REAL SOON.
FTC: i wonder if you can all be at with me in time and make me get my reconsider on?
FTC: MAYBE SPLIT AN ELIXIR LIKE A COUPLE OF CHOICE BROS.
FTC: just like we are... :o)
FTC: ME AND HIM. Do:
FTC: hoooooooooooooooooonk. ;oD
CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
CCG: I HAVE TO GO
CCG closed memo.
***
> ectoBiologist (EB) began pestering gardenGnostic (GG) --
EB: hey jade, are you there? i have a computer now.
EB: this boring guy keeps blinking at me though, and it's weird.
GG: john!!! :D
GG: wow, finally!
EB: hi!
EB: sorry i disappeared after you entered the game...
EB: but from what i have seen in the clouds, it doesn't look like you have had much trouble making progress!
GG: nope!
GG: dave was able to set up as my server player
GG: he is building up my house right now so that we can deploy some equipment up there
EB: oh, nice!
EB: dave is serving ALL the ladies, isn't he?
GG: yep!
EB: he is like a dude on butler island.
EB: i mean, a dude who happens to be one of the butlers...
EB: doing a lot of serving, to various ladies who are vacationing at this snooty resort.
EB: wait, i am fucking this up.
GG: :o
GG: thats ok, i wont tell him about it
EB: ok, good.
EB: all i am saying is, why can't i have a dave butler too?
GG: well, maybe you can.....
GG: i will try to put in a good word for you B)
EB: thank you.
EB: what is the equipment you're deploying?
GG: im not sure!
GG: something to do with cloning i guess? it serves some purpose in my quest as witch of space
GG: a nice troll named kanaya has been advising me on stuff about that
GG: have you talked to her?
EB: hmm... i don't think so. not recently anyway.
GG: you should!
GG: a bunch of trolls are not nearly as bad as i thought
GG: even karkat! he has been helping me too... sort of, hehe
EB: he has? but i thought he "hated" you!
GG: oh yeah, he said plenty of stuff like that, but i dont think he ever actually meant it
GG: flying off the handle is part is of his charm in a funny way, once you know that about him
EB: yes, this is what i have concluded about him as well.
EB: he is a pretty great guy. i am really looking forward to more of his outbursts, especially his first conversation with me, which i am to understand will be legendary.
EB: but we shouldn't tell him we said any of this, or he will be "furious"!
GG: heheheh
GG: shhhhhhhhh
EB: so what else have you been up to?
EB: we should try to catch up as much as possible!
GG: yeah!
GG: hmm what else... theres been so much going on, its been a little hard to keep track of it all!
GG: why dont you tell me what youve been up to first?
EB: oh man.
EB: you will never guess what i am doing right now.
EB: go ahead, try to guess, you will not succeed.
GG: ..............
GG: whoa :O
GG: john where did you get that nice flying car??????
EB: oh god dammit!
EB: how do you know!
EB: do you have rose's crystal ball?
GG: sort of!
GG: she gave me the code, and i made a cool pair of goggles with it
EB: argh, i am surrounded by real life witches!
EB: everyone i know is turning magic, it's ridiculous.
EB: including me! i'm magic now.
GG: it certainly seems so! what with your fancy magic car
GG: and your chauffeur familiar, i guess?
EB: no, he is neither a chauffeur, nor a familiar...
EB: he is just a new friend!
EB: also, this is not a magic car, it is an ordinary car.
EB: i found it in my dad's wallet.
GG: you did???
EB: yes, i just found his wallet on the ground.
EB: but my dad was nowhere to be found. :(
GG: :(
EB: the clouds led me to the wallet though, so maybe they will keep leading me to him?
GG: hmmmmm...
GG: maybe, but hang on let me try something
EB: ok.
EB: i have seen lots of interesting things in the clouds...
EB: i guess you used to see things like that all the time, right?
GG: yes!
GG: what have you seen?
EB: wow, uh...
EB: well, lots of things that were mysterious and didn't make much sense...
EB: but also lots of things i recognized.
EB: like stuff i have done before. and also stuff i will do in the future.
EB: and things that rose and dave have been up to...
EB: and you too!
GG: :O
GG: like what, what did you seeeee?
EB: well, i saw you on your island, and saw you sleeping in a floating bed, and...
EB: i saw your pretty snow planet...
EB: and i saw you with some frogs...
EB: have you found any frogs yet?
GG: frogs?
GG: no...
EB: well, i saw you once in a neat outfit...
EB: it was kind of like you were torn from the pages of my favorite japanese mangas.
EB: and the snow was melting.
EB: and you were surrounded by frogs for some reason!
EB: heh, now it sounds like i am describing a weird dream i had about you.
GG: sure does!
EB: which i guess is sorta true?? anyway, i guess that must not have happened yet.
GG: nope! but that sounds pretty interesting
GG: i wonder why i would be surrounded by frogs?
EB: dunno! but you are a witch, remember.
EB: witches LOVE frogs.
GG: hahaha thats true!
GG: i hope i am not planning on putting them in a cauldron or anything o_o
EB: i doubt it, it looked to me like a friendly gathering.
GG: whew!
EB: oh, and one time i saw a green version of you with pointy ears, and you were crying!
EB: did that happen yet?
GG: bluh. yes :|
GG: i prototyped my dead dream self and tried to get her to fight jack
GG: but it turned out to be a BIG MISTAKE
GG: god i cant believe how dumb that idea was, she was an emotional wreck
EB: oh no!
EB: what happened? where is she now?
GG: oh, she went off to cry somewhere else... good riddance!
EB: wow jade, you really have been up to a lot!
GG: hehe i guess so
EB: and i have just been staring at these dumb clouds for hours or whatever.
EB: i even saw my own dead body in a cloud!
GG: what!!!!!
GG: oh noooo
EB: it's ok though, it already happened.
EB: i was sort of tricked into sleeping on my quest bed.
EB: and when i went to sleep, jack killed me.
EB: she must have known that would happen...
GG: who?
EB: vriska. do you know her?
GG: i dont think so!
EB: she is pretty cool, but just between you and me, she might be a little crazy!
GG: well if she tricked you into getting killed, then i would have to agree
EB: but, i don't think it's really like that...
EB: honestly i think dying was a necessary part of the process, and she just didn't tell me so i wouldn't get scared.
GG: what process?
GG: and how are you alive now if you died! john im a little confused
EB: well... i died on the quest bed and woke up here, as my dream self.
EB: and now i have all these sweet wind powers.
EB: which is how i am making this car fly!
GG: ohhhhhh!
GG: that makes sense
GG: dave had mentioned you reached the god tier
EB: yeah!
GG: but he did not say what it involved D:
GG: he probably didnt want to make me worried
EB: maybe, or he was just being some sort of aloof coolkid.
GG: or that!
GG: but he also said that no one else would do it but you...
GG: actually, now it makes sense that i wouldnt be able to, since my dream self is dead
GG: its too bad really
EB: yeah...
GG: i wonder what space powers would be like??
EB: hmm, i have no idea!
GG: oh well
EB: maybe you shouldn't rule it out though?
EB: i mean, you did mention your dream self isn't COMPLETELY dead, remember?
GG: !!!
GG: youre right...
GG: i suddenly dont know if i want to become a god tier anymore :(
EB: heheh.
EB: she was that bad, huh?
GG: DX
GG: i dont even want to talk about her! she is sad and cowardly.
EB: ok, i will not pry.
GG: why dont you tell me about your new friend?
GG: he sure seems to be enjoying that horn!
EB: i know, right?
EB: /rolls eyes
EB: he is just this silly guy i met when i woke up here.
EB: he seemed to be curious about me and followed me around for a while.
EB: also, i noticed he was wearing my bedsheet.
GG: haha! what is he doing with that!
EB: i don't know, there seems to be this whole cult full of people who worship my ghost sheets.
EB: i ran into a bunch of them in a salamander village, they are all completely ridiculous.
EB: so i guess he is a member of the cult?
GG: probably!
GG: you are just going to have to deal with the fact that you are becoming a famous hero john, and people everywhere will idolize you
EB: derp! they aren't idolizing ME, it's my dumb bedsheets they love!
EB: it's so stupid.
EB: OH!
EB: also, another thing about him...
EB: he has the queen's ring!
GG: :o
GG: thats great! john you have to get that ring from him!
EB: i've tried! i asked him politely for it and everything.
EB: but he is very protective of it!
GG: hmmmmmmmmmm
GG: that is a problem!
EB: actually, i think it's ok.
EB: i think he is supposed to keep it.
GG: you do?
EB: yes. once i saw something in the clouds.
EB: it was hard to tell what was going on, but i saw him!
EB: im pretty sure it was the future, and he had the ring, and...
GG: and what?
EB: and then the cloud stopped showing me.
EB: but i am pretty sure that some day...
EB: he will have to wear it!
GG: 8O
EB: so i think i will just let him keep it.
EB: for some reason, i trust him.
GG: ok john.....
GG: i trust you
GG: so i will trust in your trust in him
EB: yeah, trust all around!
GG: im going to be a supportive piece of shit all day and fall down all this trust!
EB: how trustworthy do you even have to BE to CONFIDE in someone like that.
GG: lol
EB: anyway, i guess that's enough of that nonsense.
EB: i should keep looking for my dad!
EB: maybe if i fly around in this car with this guy beeping here, the noise will get his attention and he will find me.
GG: john, i already found your dad!
EB: you did?
GG: yes i found him with my goggles almost right away!
GG: but i didnt want to interrupt you
EB: oh! well that sure is convenient!
EB: where is he?
GG: he is with roses mom
GG: they are in a castle, having some sort of tea party together
GG: they appear to be enjoying each others company!
GG: its quite adorable actually
EB: oh wow...
EB: jade, what if they get married or something???
EB: oh god, if rose became my sister too, that would wreak HAVOC on karkat's shipping diagram!
EB: as leader of this team i submit that we cannot afford to let this happen!!!!!!!!!!
EB: everyone man your battle stations!!!
GG: RED ALERT!!!!!!
EB: we have a ship to sink! arm torpedoes!!!!!!
GG: AWOOOOOOOOOOOGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EB: KA-PCHOOOOOOOOOOOOO. target destroyed. B)
EB: heheh, i am just joking around, of course.
GG: durrrr oh really john :p
EB: :P
GG: but really, they make a nice couple and i think it would be great if they got married!
EB: yes, i agree.
EB: even if it would make it awkward for me to marry rose.
GG: i guess so
EB: but maybe that doesn't matter? these are kind of special circumstances.
GG: yes they are pretty special
EB: i wonder if my dad and her mom would mind us getting married...
GG: i dunno
GG: who are they to stand between two youngsters in love?
EB: whoa, in love???
GG: yes john, two people must be in love in order to get married
GG: it is one of the rules!
EB: oh jeez, yeah i guess you're right.
GG: so what do you say john, are you in love with rose?
EB: um...
GG: and if not, are you prepared to fall in love with her?
EB: er.
GG: wellllll? :D
EB: argh!
EB: this line of questioning is making me flustered.
EB: all i know is, i was ordered by karkat to marry rose.
EB: i think we can both agree that it would be reckless to look at a crappy shipping diagram made by an alien, and ignore its message altogether.
GG: i didnt even know karkat made a shipping diagram...
EB: it's a thing of beauty, and it will save the human race.
GG: i will have to make him show me
EB: yes.
EB: btw, you will marry dave.
EB: 100% TRUE REALITY.
GG: <_<;
EB: it's ok though, i will not press you on your feelings for him.
EB: i already know you are totally into the strider anyway.
GG: whaaat...
EB: it's all in the diagram, jade.
EB: it's all in the diagram.
GG: i dont know about that!
GG: i clearly need to take a good hard look at this prophetic document
GG: and possibly tell karkat what an idiot he is!
EB: that you do.
EB: ok but anyway, who cares about his terrible shitty drawings and meddlesome romantic schemes!
EB: how do i find my dad!
GG: uh
GG: well, i dont actually know where he is relative to you!
GG: so i dont know if i can give you directions
EB: bluh!!!
GG: there might be some way to do that...
GG: these goggles are actually REALLY COMPLICATED!
GG: i will look into it and get back to you
GG: in the meantime, why dont you fly around and keep looking?
GG: at least now you know to look for a castle
GG: and maybe the clouds will give you some more tips!
EB: yes, that's a good idea, i'll do that.
EB: thanks for the help, jade!
GG: sure! <3
EB: i will talk to you later.
GG: later!
> ectoBiologist (EB) ceased pestering gardenGnostic (GG) --
***
KARKAT VANTAS AT ?:?? opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY.
CURRENT turntechGodhead [Dave Strider] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
Dave Strider: what
CURRENT ectoBiologist [John Egbert] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
John Egbert: ok, i am here.
John Egbert: oh, hi dave!
Dave Strider: hey
John Egbert: what is going on in here?
Dave Strider: some kinda asshole rumpus looks like
KARKAT VANTAS: EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP, I HATE YOU BOTH, ETC. ETC. ETC.
KARKAT VANTAS: NOW THAT THE PLEASANTRIES ARE OUT OF THE WAY, THERE IS IMPORTANT BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.
KARKAT VANTAS: THIS MEMO IS NOT ABOUT WHICH GUY CAN MANAGE TO BE THE HEFTIEST SACK OF SHAME GLOBES TO ONE ANOTHER.
KARKAT VANTAS: IT IS NOT ABOUT WHICH ONE OF US WILL MOST DECISIVELY ESCORT THE OTHERS "TO SCHOOL", WHERE THEY WILL RECEIVE A VAST HELPING OF "OH SNAP" RAMMED DOWN THEIR INSATIABLE IGNORANCE SHAFTS.
KARKAT VANTAS: THIS IS AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION WHICH I BELIEVE NEEDS TO TAKE PLACE HERE AND NOW, SO YOU WILL BOTH SHAPE YOUR SHIT UP AND PERHAPS BEGIN TO APPROXIMATE PEOPLE WHO AREN'T EXCRUCIATINGLY RETARDED.
Dave Strider: ok later windbag
KARKAT VANTAS: STRIDER FUCK OFF
KARKAT VANTAS: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN FUCK OFF RIGHT BACK HERE AND LISTEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK.
John Egbert: yeah, dave, don't go!
John Egbert: i think we should listen to what he has to say.
KARKAT VANTAS: YES, LISTEN TO YOUR LEADER DAVE.
KARKAT VANTAS: AS DUMB AS EGBERT IS, HE IS SMARTER THAN YOU AND IS THE RIGHTFUL SUPERIOR AMONG YOUR DREARY LITTLE PARTY.
KARKAT VANTAS: BUT I AM THE SUPERIOR OF BOTH OF YOU AND WHAT YOU REALLY NEED TO BE DOING IS LISTENING TO ME.
KARKAT VANTAS: SO DAVE, TRY TO KEEP ALL THOSE SICK FIRES CHECKED AND THOSE STOIC LIPS PURSED FOR A GOD DAMNED SECOND
KARKAT VANTAS: AND TAKE THIS SIMPLE BIT OF HATEFRIENDLY ADVICE:
KARKAT VANTAS: STOP HITTING ON TEREZI IMMEDIATELY, IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING TO WATCH.
Dave Strider: nah
John Egbert: haha, dave you're hitting on terezi? really??
Dave Strider: no
Dave Strider: but whatever he thinks im doing im not going to stop
Dave Strider: the guys jealous obviously he thinks his girlfriend has a thing for me and you know what hes probably right
Dave Strider: but what else is new just another lady from outer space mackin on me whatever chance she gets
KARKAT VANTAS: OH, HA HA! IF SMUG WAS A MOTORCYCLE, IT JUST JUMPED OVER A FUCKING CANYON.
KARKAT VANTAS: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY, AND THEN COMMITS MASS SUICIDE.
John Egbert: karkat, is terezi really your girlfriend?
KARKAT VANTAS: GUESS WHAT THIS CONVERSATION IS ABOUT! NOT THAT PARTICULAR TOPIC.
KARKAT VANTAS: ALSO GUESS WHOSE BUSINESS THAT STILL ISN'T, FUCKING YOURS, THAT'S RIGHT.
Dave Strider: pretty sure she is
Dave Strider: or he thinks she is or something
Dave Strider: made it pretty obvious when he started ranting at me months ago
Dave Strider: back when i suspected these trolls were full of shit
Dave Strider: but now look how far weve come
Dave Strider: theres not any doubt left about that at all
KARKAT VANTAS: EVEN IF THERE WAS ANYTHING GOING ON, WHICH THERE DEFINITELY [OOPS TIME TO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AGAIN, ASSHOLE!]
KARKAT VANTAS: OUR ROMANCE IS MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN THE JOKE THAT PASSES FOR YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF THE CONCEPT.
KARKAT VANTAS: YOU ONLY HAVE ONE QUADRANT! THAT'S JUST ABSURD.
Dave Strider: right
Dave Strider: sounds like its time to get a clue she is over you dude
John Egbert: what is so different about your romance?
John Egbert: what's a quadrant? how many do you have?
Dave Strider: john god dammit stop embarrassing us
Dave Strider: first of all weve got to be on record here as not giving a shit about that
Dave Strider: second obviously theres gonna be 4 quadrants come on
KARKAT VANTAS: JOHN, I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU BEING THE SMART ONE.
KARKAT VANTAS: DAVE IS NOW THE LEADER, EVEN THOUGH HE'S A SMUG SHITSTAIN WITH SHADES AND A POKER FACE.
KARKAT VANTAS: IF THERE WERE FIVE, THEY'D BE CALLED QUINTDRANTS, GET IT???
John Egbert: wow, okay!
John Egbert: who cares, jeeeeeeeez.
KARKAT VANTAS: YES, EXACTLY. WHO CARES?
KARKAT VANTAS: AS FASCINATING AS A LECTURE ON ALL THAT WOULD BE, IT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.
KARKAT VANTAS: WHICH BRINGS ME TO A RELATED POINT OF BUSINESS.
KARKAT VANTAS: JOHN, DON'T THINK I DIDN'T NOTICE HOW MANY E'S YOU JUST TYPED THERE.
KARKAT VANTAS: THAT'S GOT TO STOP TOO.
John Egbert: what does?
KARKAT VANTAS: STOP TALKING TO VRISKA. I'M FUCKING SERIOUS.
John Egbert: what!
John Egbert: no way. vriska's cool, i'll talk to her all i want!
KARKAT VANTAS: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
KARKAT VANTAS: YOU JACKASSES HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELVES INTO.
KARKAT VANTAS: THEY'RE DANGEROUS, AND YOU'RE JUST BLUNDERING RIGHT INTO THEIR HYPERCOMPETITIVE MINDFUCK MURDER-THICKET.
KARKAT VANTAS: THESE PSYCHO GIRLS HAVE ALREADY GOTTEN EACH OF YOU KILLED AT LEAST ONCE TO MY KNOWLEDGE.
John Egbert: well, yeah...
John Egbert: but terezi killed me in an alternate timeline, so that isn't too bad i guess.
John Egbert: plus, i am pretty sure that she is sorry about it.
KARKAT VANTAS: OH GOD, YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT IT?
KARKAT VANTAS: AND YOU'RE STILL GETTING UP TO THESE ANTICS
KARKAT VANTAS: YOU ARE BOTH FUCKING HOPELESS, I GIVE UP.
Dave Strider: k then bye
KARKAT VANTAS: SHUT YOUR SQUAWK GAPER AND STAY PUT.
KARKAT VANTAS: I'M NOT DONE.
Dave Strider: sounds like a loudmouth inferiority thing going on here to me
Dave Strider: like you dont want to acknowledge that your troll ladies find a couple of human dudes irresistible
KARKAT VANTAS: YOU DON'T GET IT.
KARKAT VANTAS: I DO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY VARIOUS BITS OF ALIEN PHYSIOLOGY YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF, THESE GIRLS ARE CLEARLY FLIRTING WITH BOTH OF YOU PRETTY HARD.
KARKAT VANTAS: THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE SWEPT YOU BOTH INTO THEIR SICK ASSASSINATION GAMES IS SADLY WHAT MAKES THIS OBVIOUS.
KARKAT VANTAS: THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.
John Egbert: wait...
John Egbert: are you saying that vriska is interested in me?
John Egbert: like, romantically?
KARKAT VANTAS: EGBERT JUST EARNED A FEW BRAIN POINTS!
KARKAT VANTAS: HE HAS REACHED A NEW RUNG ON HIS ECHELADDER, "EASILY OUTFOXED BY SIMPLE UTENSILS"
KARKAT VANTAS: "BUCKAROO"
KARKAT VANTAS: OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
Dave Strider: smooth
John Egbert: oh man.
John Egbert: uh...
KARKAT VANTAS: YES LET'S ALL HAVE A GREAT BIG OH MAN OVER THAT
KARKAT VANTAS: AND THEN FUCKING CUT THE HORSESHIT FOREVER. SOUND GOOD?
John Egbert: i'm not sure what to think about this.
John Egbert: dave, what do you think i should do?
Dave Strider: i dunno
Dave Strider: do you like her
John Egbert: well, like i said, i thought she was pretty cool...
John Egbert: kinda bossy! but also pretty friendly.
Dave Strider: yeah ok
Dave Strider: but i mean
Dave Strider: anything more than that
Dave Strider: like
Dave Strider: if earth wasnt destroyed and she werent in some other universe on a planet full of unspeakable frothing dipshits
Dave Strider: and she was on earth visiting your town or something
Dave Strider: would you want to ask her to go see one of your dumbass movies
Dave Strider: like the new maconnohey jam where he smirks and like all but deliberately draws the audiences ire like a goddamn magnetron
John Egbert: mcconaughey!!!!!!!!
John Egbert: um, wow, i don't know.
John Egbert: i mean, yeah, sure it would be fun to do something like that with her, i think.
John Egbert: but...
John Egbert: beyond that, it's a little confusing!
John Egbert: i don't think i have ever actually liked a girl before in that way, so i am not really sure what i am supposed to feel or do...
KARKAT VANTAS: HOLY FUCK WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE?????
Dave Strider: doesnt concern you dude
KARKAT VANTAS: OK JOHN, ARE YOUR FEELINGS QUITE SORTED OUT YET?
KARKAT VANTAS: ARE YOU QUITE DONE SLOGGING THROUGH THE EMOTIONAL MORASS OF ADOLESCENCE, EMERGING FROM THE SLUDGE IN YOUR JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGY WADERS?
KARKAT VANTAS: ARE WE FEELING JUST A LITTLE BIT WISER? DID WE GROW TODAY? THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL!
KARKAT VANTAS: YOU WOULD THINK WARNING YOU GUYS THAT FRATERNIZING WITH THESE FEMALES IS PUTTING YOUR LIVES IN DANGER WOULD BE ENOUGH.
KARKAT VANTAS: REALLY, DANGER YOU SAY? OH GOODNESS, WE NEARLY MADE A HUGE MISTAKE! WHY THANK YOU, MR. TROLL, HOW GRACIOUS OF YOU TO ALERT US TO OUR FOOLISHNESS.
Dave Strider: i dunno man doesnt sound like you really got our interests in mind here
Dave Strider: you just sound kinda bitter
Dave Strider: did one of the human ladies reject you
KARKAT VANTAS: OF COURSE NOT.
Dave Strider: how did it go did you stand in a quadrant like you were playing four square
Dave Strider: holding a bucket full of flowers or slime or whatever and jade was like no thanks bro
Dave Strider: is that how it went down
KARKAT VANTAS: YES, YOU FIGURED IT OUT! YOU ARE A SAVANT OF XENOBIOLOGY DAVE AND I SALUTE YOU WITH ONE OF MY MANY INTERGALACTIC SPACE TENDRILS
KARKAT VANTAS: (THAT'S FAKE, I MADE THAT UP TO FUCK WITH YOU)
Dave Strider: or maybe it was a guy who rejected you
KARKAT VANTAS: FUCK OFF.
Dave Strider: haha wow bingo
Dave Strider: see how i look right now thats a poker face might want to take some notes
KARKAT VANTAS: I SEE NOTHING BUT A COWARD BEHIND DARK EYEWEAR CLEARLY DESIGNED FOR WOMEN AND A PAIR OF IMPUDENT LIPS PURSED SO TIGHT IT'LL SOUND LIKE AIR SQUEALING OUT OF A BALLOON WHEN I PUNCH YOU IN THE GUT.
Dave Strider: oh god stop talking about my lips thats the second time
Dave Strider: ok youre clearly gay and youve probably got some issues about it dude
Dave Strider: john just a heads up in the future i think youre gonna spurn one of his awkward advances
John Egbert: uh oh!
KARKAT VANTAS: JOHN DON'T LISTEN TO THIS FUCKER, HE'S THE WORST GUY AT GIVING ADVICE I'VE EVER SEEN.
John Egbert: yeah, i dunno dave, i have talked to karkat a lot and i really don't think he has a thing for me.
KARKAT VANTAS: EXACTLY. JOHN ONCE AGAIN IS FLYING HIGH AS SMARTEST HUMAN.
KARKAT VANTAS: AND JOHN, PURELY HYPOTHETICALLY, IF ONE OF US IN THE FUTURE DOES MAKE SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION YOU DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND...
KARKAT VANTAS: BECAUSE OF PERHAPS SOME CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
KARKAT VANTAS: I MEAN NO ONE IN PARTICULAR HERE
KARKAT VANTAS: MAYBE TRY TO UNDERSTAND THAT PERSON MIGHT NOT BE THINKING TOO CLEARLY AT THAT MOMENT
John Egbert: uh...
KARKAT VANTAS: IT MIGHT BE THE CASE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GOTTEN TOO WRAPPED UP IN A SORT OF CALIGINOUS IDEAL
KARKAT VANTAS: AND GET CARRIED AWAY, POSSIBLY SO MUCH SO THEY WERE BLIND TO HOW COMPLETELY FUCKED UP AND WEIRD IT WOULD BE TO PURSUE ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH ANOTHER SPECIES
KARKAT VANTAS: ESPECIALLY ONE THAT DIDN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF A CALIGINIOUS RELATIONSHIP
Dave Strider: what
Dave Strider: the fuck
Dave Strider: are you talking about
KARKAT VANTAS: BUT I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I HAVE A FIRM GRASP ON HOW DERANGED AND UNNATURAL ANY SORT OF INTERSPECIES RELATIONSHIP WOULD BE, WHETHER CALIGINOUS OR CONCUPISCENT.
KARKAT VANTAS: SO I ASK
KARKAT VANTAS: NO I'M FUCKING BEGGING YOU BOTH
KARKAT VANTAS: TO QUIT CHATTING UP THESE SHITHIVE BROADS AND LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE.
Dave Strider: thats obviously not gonna happen
KARKAT VANTAS: FUCK.
KARKAT VANTAS: LOOK.
KARKAT VANTAS: ALRIGHT I ADMIT THIS ISN'T PURELY MAGNANIMOUS CONCERN FOR YOUR SAFETY HERE.
KARKAT VANTAS: WE'RE ALL SORT OF COOKING UP A PLAN RIGHT NOW.
KARKAT VANTAS: MY RIGHT NOW.
KARKAT VANTAS: WHICH IF SUCCESSFUL, MAY, AND I DO STRESS MAY, END UP WITH ALL OF US MEETING FACE TO FACE.
KARKAT VANTAS: AND WHAT I'D LIKE TO AVOID IF AT ALL POSSIBLE
KARKAT VANTAS: IS TO HAVE THIS RENDEZVOUS INSTANTLY DETERIORATE INTO A LOT OF REVOLTING TROLL/HUMAN SLOPPY MAKEOUTS.
KARKAT VANTAS: THAT WOULD JUST RUIN IT FOR ME, OK?
KARKAT VANTAS: REALLY THE ONLY SCENARIO THAT I AM SURE WOULD CAUSE ME TO REGRET SUCCESS. GOT IT?
John Egbert: er...
John Egbert: do...
John Egbert: you think that vriska is going to try to make out with me?
KARKAT VANTAS: SHUT UP.
KARKAT VANTAS: I'M NOT ANSWERING YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS ABOUT HOW MUCH SNOGGING YOU'RE IN FOR AND I'M NOT PLAYING INTERSPECIES MATCH MAKER HERE.
KARKAT VANTAS: SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS?
KARKAT VANTAS: I SHOULDN'T EVEN NEED TO BE SAYING THIS.
KARKAT VANTAS: GOD DAMMIT, IT'S NOT EVEN LIKE YOU DON'T HAVE ACTUAL HUMAN FEMALES NEARBY FOR ACTUAL BIOLOGICALLY VIABLE MATESPRITSHIPS!
KARKAT VANTAS: DO I HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM???
John Egbert: rose and jade?
John Egbert: so, uh...
John Egbert: you want us to like, date them?
KARKAT VANTAS: WOULD IT REALLY FUCKING KILL YOU TO CONSIDER IT??????
KARKAT VANTAS: I MEAN GOD. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE IN THIS GAME?
KARKAT VANTAS: YOU'RE CREATING YOUR OWN UNIVERSE TO GO LIVE IN.
KARKAT VANTAS: AND JUST HOW DO YOU THINK YOUR SPECIES IS SUPPOSED TO REPOPULATE ITSELF??????????? IDIOTS.
Dave Strider: dude
Dave Strider: no
Dave Strider: just
Dave Strider: stop
KARKAT VANTAS: OH OK, SO THE ALIEN HERE IS THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED WITH THE PROPAGATION OF YOUR SPECIES.
KARKAT VANTAS: THAT MAKES A LOT OF FUCKING SENSE. WHY DON'T YOU WISE THE FUCK UP, COOLDOUCHE?
John Egbert: i think he is right, i think we are all a little young to be thinking about that!
KARKAT VANTAS: WELL NO SHIT, NOW YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY.
KARKAT VANTAS: BUT WHAT ABOUT LATER? THINK ABOUT THE BIG PICTURE.
KARKAT VANTAS: HOW DID HUMANITY GET AS FAR AS IT GOT BEING SO DUMB?
John Egbert: um, also,
John Egbert: we are kinda all related! sort of. through shared ghost slime genes. right?
John Egbert: so, uh...
KARKAT VANTAS: OH RIGHT, THE BIZARRE HUMAN ANATHEMA OF INCEST, I FORGOT.
Dave Strider: oh my fucking god
Dave Strider: please let this conversation not be taking place
KARKAT VANTAS: OK WELL LET'S SAY THAT'S HYPOTHETICALLY A PROBLEM, EVEN THOUGH I'M RACKING MY BRAIN TO UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE.
KARKAT VANTAS: I GUESS I WILL HAVE TO DRAW YOU A DIAGRAM, BECAUSE YOU ARE JUST THAT STUPID.
KARKAT VANTAS: HERE
KARKAT VANTAS: http://tinyurl.com/MATINGDIAGRAMFORMORONS
Dave Strider: ok youre by far the worst artist out of any of us
Dave Strider: and thats saying something
KARKAT VANTAS: SHUT UP I DREW IT FAST
KARKAT VANTAS: NOW
KARKAT VANTAS: AS YOU CAN CLEARLY SEE, THERE ARE ONLY TWO SETS OF COMPATIBLE QUADRANTS HERE FOR LEGITIMATE CONCUPISCENT PAIRINGS.
KARKAT VANTAS: DAVE AND ROSE ARE "RELATED"
KARKAT VANTAS: JADE AND JOHN ARE "RELATED"
KARKAT VANTAS: THAT ONLY LEAVES TWO PAIRS.
KARKAT VANTAS: ONCE AGAIN, THE DECISIONS PERTAINING TO HUMAN ROMANCE REMAIN STUNNINGLY SIMPLE.
KARKAT VANTAS: AND YET I STILL HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT FOR YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
KARKAT VANTAS: NOW GO HASSLE YOUR FUTURE MATESPRITS AND LEAVE THE TROLL GIRLS ALONE.
Dave Strider: thx for the shipping grid bro imma drop everything and go have a baby with jade right now
Dave Strider: no peeking k
John Egbert: wow, i have to marry rose?
John Egbert: uh...
John Egbert: wow.
KARKAT VANTAS: AND NOW THAT I HAVE SAVED YOUR ENTIRE WORTHLESS SPECIES WITH MY IMPECCABLE ROMANCE BROKERING SKILLS
KARKAT VANTAS: I WILL BID YOU A BITTER FUCKING FAREWELL.
KARKAT VANTAS: JEGUS I AM SO TIRED.
Dave Strider: you should go back to sleep
Dave Strider: it was so much cooler when you were asleep and i basically never had to listen to you ever
KARKAT VANTAS: I CAN'T GO TO SLEEP
John Egbert: why not?
KARKAT VANTAS: BECAUSE I'M TOO TIRED TO EXPLAIN WHY IS WHY.
KARKAT VANTAS: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT LATER.
KARKAT VANTAS: MEMO OVER.
KARKAT VANTAS: GET OUTTA HERE.
KARKAT VANTAS banned John Egbert from responding to memo.
KARKAT VANTAS banned Dave Strider from responding to memo.
KARKAT VANTAS closed memo.
***
KARKAT: LOOK, IT'S PERFECTLY SIMPLE.
KARKAT: HANG ON WHILE I DRAW THE GUIDELINES.
DAVE: oh no
DAVE: no you are NOT making another shipping grid dude
KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID.
KARKAT: JUST SOME ROWS AND COLUMNS FOR A SCHEDULE.
DAVE: its a grid youre drawing a goddamn grid
DAVE: im not letting you draw a grid for this stupid shit
KARKAT: COME ON, LOOK HERE. THESE ARE THE DAYS OF THE WEEK.
KARKAT: THEN WE EACH HAVE ROWS FOR THOSE DAYS AND WE CAN DRAW A HEART OR A SPADE FOR ANY GIVEN DAY.
KARKAT: THAT WAY WE KNOW WHAT'S UP IN ADVANCE, AND AVOID UNPLEASANT CONFLICTS.
DAVE: put the fucking pen down
KARKAT: HEY, CUT IT OUT. DON'T TOUCH ME.
DAVE: do not draw a shipping grid
DAVE: do not do it
KARKAT: IT'S NOT A SHIPPING GRID YOU OBTUSE FUCK.
DAVE: this is fucked up put it down
KARKAT: NO.
DAVE: you are not drawing a grid to organize our goddamn dating lives
DAVE: that is some straight up crackpot motherfuckin noise i will not abide
KARKAT: FUCK YOU. LET ME DRAW.
DAVE: stop drawing the shipping grid
KARKAT: *IT IS NOT A SHIPPING GRID*
KARKAT: THIS IS NOT SHIPPING YOU HEINOUS TOOL, THIS IS COMMON SENSE.
DAVE: you will not draw anything that even remotely resembles a grid
DAVE: do not draw an arrangement of squares or otherwise interlocking polygons
KARKAT: LET GO.
DAVE: you will not draw a spreadsheet for the purpose of allocating time spent with a mutual girlfriend you horses ass
DAVE: that is exactly the shit i do not want to see
KARKAT: LOOK, I JUST DREW A SQUARE.
KARKAT: GET READY TO SEE A LOT MORE OF THOSE!
DAVE: no
DAVE: stop
DAVE: do not draw any additional squares
DAVE: do not draw any quadrilaterals or trapezoids or rectangles or fucking n-drangles and especially as fuck not any god damned rhombuses
DAVE: i dont want to see your lines making any right angles do you understand
KARKAT: IN MY MIND'S EYE I AM PICTURING A BEAUTIFUL LATTICE OF LINES AND COMPARTMENTS, INTERLOCKING WITH SUBLIME PRECISION AT NINETY DEGREE ANGLES.
KARKAT: I IMAGINE THIS MODULAR RETICULATION AS AN ELEGANT VESSEL, IF YOU WILL, FOR THE GRAND SYNTHESIS OF OUR SHARED SHIPPING DREAMS.
DAVE: no
DAVE: that is the perfect example of what you shouldnt be drawing
KARKAT: YES
DAVE: no
KARKAT: FUCK YES
KARKAT: OOH LOOK, ANOTHER SQUARE, SORT OF.
KARKAT: KIND OF WOBBLY! IT'LL HAVE TO DO.
DAVE: no you fuck
KARKAT: WAIT, I THINK IT'S COMING.
KARKAT: HERE IT COMES, MY FIRST "SHIP", IT'S GOING IN THE SQUARE!
DAVE: put the goddamn pen down
DAVE: you piece of shit
KARKAT: HELL NO.
DAVE: yes
KARKAT: WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM??
KARKAT: OW, FUCK.
DAVE: this is so sick does she even know youre doing this
KARKAT: DOING WHAT??
DAVE: splitting up her time in a grid for your stupid rotating hate date plan
KARKAT: SHE WILL SOON ENOUGH.
DAVE: what a presumptuous sack of shit put the pen down
KARKAT: NO, I'M DRAWING.
DAVE: step away from your dumb ugly scribble grid
KARKAT: GET LOST.
DAVE: youre messing up roses book
KARKAT: YOU SMELL BAD.
DAVE: dont talk to me about rank smells
DAVE: you are the fuckin big man of smellin bad
DAVE: you dominate the paint with your stonk
KARKAT: MY LUSUS BROUGHT THINGS HOME THAT SMELLED MORE APPEALING THAN YOU.
KARKAT: IMPORTANT FACT: 100% OF WHAT HE BROUGHT HOME WAS EITHER A DEAD ANIMAL, OR LITERAL FECES.
DAVE: oh yeah well check it out:
DAVE: you smell like if someone took a dump on a butt
KARKAT: HOW CAN SHE STAND YOU WITH HER SENSITIVE NOSE?
KARKAT: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN WASHED THAT RIDICULOUS OUTFIT?
DAVE: theyre magic fucking pajamas they stay like perma clean or something
DAVE: theyre enchanted and comfy as fuck give me the pen
KARKAT: NO, IT'S MINE NOW. I'M KEEPING IT ON PRINCIPLE.
DAVE: karkat whoa man what are you doing
DAVE: why are you drawing all these human dicks
DAVE: how do you even know what they look like what have you been watching??
KARKAT: I'M NOT DRAWING THOSE!!!!!!!
KARKAT: YOU'RE MAKING ME DRAW THEM, STOP THAT.
DAVE: no way
DAVE: this book is now like
DAVE: our fight fueled ouija board of cock
KARKAT: ARGH... STOP!
KARKAT: DON'T
KARKAT: NO FUCK
KARKAT: OK NO
KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE
KARKAT: YOU DREW THAT ONE!!!!
KARKAT: DON'T PRETEND YOU DIDN'T!
DAVE: are you sure man
DAVE: thats the spooky thing about penis ouija you can never be sure who did the dicks
DAVE: was it you or me or maybe a ghoooost???
KARKAT: FUUUUUUUCK LET GO OF ME!
DAVE: gimme the pen
KARKAT: NO
DAVE: yes
KARKAT: NO
DAVE: yes
KARKAT: FINE TAKE IT!
DAVE: no
KARKAT: WHAT??
DAVE: were still drawing
KARKAT: LET GO
DAVE: are you kidding this is a fucking masterpiece we have to see this through
KARKAT: I'M TRYING TO LET GO OF THE STUPID PEN BUT YOU WON'T LET ME
DAVE: we are in the shit now
DAVE: we are motherfuckin entrenched in this bitch
KARKAT: YOU CRAZY FUCK
DAVE: were running out of room rose can you turn the page for us
KARKAT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
KARKAT: THIS ALTERCATION IS BECOMING UNCOMFORTABLY PHYSICAL, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.
DAVE: what are you talking about
KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
DAVE: shut up and draw another penis
KARKAT: YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND THE SOCIAL IMPLICATIONS OF ALL THIS HOSTILE TOUCHING AND GRABBING DO YOU???
KARKAT: I DON'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU STRIDER, JUST STEP OFF.
DAVE: man if you want to look at this that way then thats your business
DAVE: this is just an old fashioned beatdown where im from deal with it
KARKAT: WHY DON'T YOU OLD FASHIONED GO FUCK YOURSELF?
DAVE: stop biting my cape
KARKAT: FUFCK NYOUF.
KARKAT: RAAARARRAAUUUAAAAUUAGHGHGGHGGGGHHGH!
DAVE: shit!
DAVE: are you serious
KARKAT: FFMUFFUFFIN
DAVE: dude unreal
DAVE: you are like a cape magnet
DAVE: hold still
KARKAT: MMMMMMFFFFFUUFFMMMMUFFIN
DAVE: hup (lifts Karkat)
DAVE: BOOYEAH (suplex)
TEREZI: 3V3RYBODY STOP WH4T YOUR3 DO1NG 1MM3D14T3LY!
TEREZI: WH4T3V3R 1T M1GHT B3
TEREZI: 4NOTH3R DR34M BUBBL3 1S 4PPRO4CH1NG R4P1DLY
TEREZI: 3V3RYON3 M4N YOUR ST4T1ONS!
TEREZI: BY WH1CH 1 M34N GO 4BOUT YOUR BUS1N3SS 4S USU4L 1 GU3SS
TEREZI: UNL3SS YOU W4NT TO M33T M3 UP H3R3 4ND CH3CK 1T OUT
TEREZI: OV3R! >:]
***
JADE: john i really think we are scraping the bottom of the barrel here
JOHN: no way! this game rules.
JOHN: i just never gave it much playing time before because...
JOHN: well, i guess i always had better things to do.
JADE: thats sort of my point!
JADE: where did you even get this?
JOHN: years ago i found it in a store on the bargain rack.
JOHN: it was only a dollar! isn't that awesome?
JADE: :|
JADE: i dont really think this is my kind of game....
JADE: but i will play it with you today because it is technically your birthday <3
JOHN: yesss. you won't be disappointed.
JADE: how many people did you get to play this??
JOHN: um, i don't know.
JOHN: i only showed it to a few people, but i guess hundreds are playing it now?
JOHN: nobody is very good at it though.
JOHN: i keep trying to tell the salamanders and chess guys not to cross the streams, but they keep crossing the streams!
JOHN: just between you and me, i think a lot of them aren't very bright.
JADE: why cant you cross the streams?
JOHN: jade, please.
JOHN: it is just something you can't do when you're a ghost buster, because it spells big trouble. everyone knows that.
JADE: :p
JOHN: you should hurry up and make a character already, so we can get started.
JADE: im working on it!
JADE: there are so many options
JADE: what kind of ghostbuster should i make?
JOHN: just any old ghost buster! as long as he looks awesome and like he means business.
JADE: hmmmm
JOHN: i will begin organizing our squad.
JADE: what do you have to do?
JOHN: well, first we need buy an old abandoned fire station to use as a headquarters.
JOHN: luckily half the city is composed of abandoned fire stations that are for sale...
JOHN: this game is actually really stupid in a lot of ways, now that i think about it.
JADE: noooooooooo!
JOHN: hey, shut up!
JOHN: i take it back, it's great in every way.
JADE: sure john
JADE: whatever you say
JOHN: ok, now i have to find us a mission.
JOHN: got to hire a sassy secretary...
JOHN: just have to peruse this extensive palette of sarcastic red headed ladies...
JOHN: ok, here is a good one.
JOHN: then we wait for a phone call. this can take anywhere from ten seconds to several hours.
JADE: are you serious?
JOHN: but that's fine!
JOHN: there's lots to do in the station to kill time.
JOHN: like talk to slimer, and...
JOHN: get slimed by slimer.
JOHN: ok, i guess that's pretty much all there is to do.
JADE: what about that fire pole there?
JADE: cant you go down the fire pole?
JOHN: the fire pole is strictly decorative.
JADE: .........
JOHN: are you almost finished making your character?
JADE: yeah i think im done!!!
JADE: im pretty happy with him
JOHN: jade.
JOHN: that is absolutely the shittiest ghost buster i have ever seen.
JADE: no way!
JOHN: yes.
JOHN: it is so yes way.
JADE: hes adorable, what are you even talking about?
JOHN: jade, i thought you were going to take this game seriously.
JOHN: that is not a serious ghost buster. no ghost could possibly fear that thing.
JADE: i dont want ghosts to be afraid of him
JADE: i want to make friends with some ghosts if at all possible
JOHN: it is not possible, ghosts are known to be cruel and mischievous.
JOHN: they will not want to befriend your fox man, they will only want to cover him in slime and then fly away.
JOHN: i really think you should consider redesigning him.
JADE: nope. im keeping him :p
JOHN: ok, well, if you want to turn our squad into a fucking joke, then that's your business.
JADE: shut up or ill give him a pink jumpsuit!
JOHN: argh!
JOHN: but seriously, those head swap options are for such noobs, i feel it's only fair to warn you.
JADE: i think i will manage to survive the embarrassment in front of a bunch of salamanders and crocodiles
JOHN: ok, fine.
JOHN: you get a pass, but only because you yourself are a furry.
JADE: thank you
JADE: *snicker*
JOHN: what?
JADE: nothing
JOHN: is someone messaging you through the game?
JADE: hehe
JOHN: who is it?
JADE: pffff!
JOHN: dammit, jade...
JADE: its davesprite, hes playing too
JOHN: oh.
JOHN: don't tell him any of our strategies. he is the enemy!
JADE: we have strategies?
JOHN: um...
JOHN: ok, first, tell him we have strategies. then, don't tell him them.
JADE: hahahahahahaha
JOHN: oh god.
JOHN: what is it now?
JADE: did you know...
JADE: davesprite is a funny guy?
JOHN: meh, he's alright i guess.
JOHN: i give most of his jokes a passing grade. sometimes as high as a solid b+!
JADE: i just told him you said that
JOHN: that's fine, he and i keep no secrets.
JADE: davesprite says to tell you "youre basically welcome for being born 14 years ago and 1 year ago you ungrateful douche"
JOHN: oh, like him taking credit for my existence isn't so old by now!
JOHN: hey, jade...
JOHN: why do you still call him davesprite?
JADE: um
JADE: because he is davesprite?
JOHN: i just call him dave.
JOHN: isn't that easier? i mean, he IS dave after all... right?
JADE: well yeah
JADE: but hes kinda different from dave
JOHN: pshh, he is so not different.
JOHN: dude is just a magical orange dave with wings! and also says caw sometimes.
JADE: i know
JADE: but there are other differences...
JOHN: like what?
JADE: its hard to explain
JADE: just some slight differences in personality i guess
JOHN: he still raps sometimes.
JADE: yes...
JADE: so?
JOHN: i just thought i would mention that.
JADE: ok i will admit i cant really tell if his rapping style has changed
JOHN: trust me, it hasn't.
JADE: i dont know if the differences are because he is a sprite
JADE: or because he lived for a while in a different timeline...
JOHN: well, weren't you a sprite before?
JOHN: how different did you feel then?
JADE: i wasnt a sprite!
JADE: my dead dream self was a sprite
JADE: and then i kind of merged with her when i became a god tier
JOHN: oh, right.
JOHN: so...
JOHN: half of you was a sprite.
JADE: i guess?
JADE: its more like im still the me i always was, but inherited some of her memories
JADE: but they are pretty vague
JOHN: do you remember what it was like being jade sprite?
JADE: i remember being dead for a long time
JADE: and making friends...
JADE: mostly trolls
JOHN: oh really?
JOHN: which ones?
JADE: none that we know of now
JADE: that i can remember at least
JADE: they feel like such distant memories, like they were barely real
JOHN: hmm.
JOHN: i have to admit, i am a little disappointed in the dream bubble thing.
JOHN: by the way you were describing it, i really thought we would dream about them on this trip more often!
JADE: yeah me too
JADE: maybe its something about this place were traveling through?
JOHN: i dunno.
JADE: when was the last time you visited one in your sleep?
JOHN: man...
JOHN: that was weeks ago, i think.
JADE: yeah
JOHN: and then, when i do dream about them, it's just kind of weird.
JOHN: either i'm alone in my own memory, talking to figments of my imagination...
JOHN: or i dream about someone we know. like a troll we have talked to, and i get excited.
JOHN: but then it turns out they don't know who i am! it's like a version of them that died before they ever even knew us, and it's just kind of awkward.
JADE: yup
JOHN: and i still haven't seen dave or rose AT ALL.
JOHN: have you?
JADE: nope :(
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: i'm starting to think it's not going to happen. i wonder if we're just not sleeping at the same times?
JADE: i dont think thats it
JADE: for one thing, considering where we are, i dont think theres such a thing as "the same time" for us
JOHN: heh. that's true.
JOHN: do you think the afterlife is just fucking with us, jade?
JADE: maybe...
JADE: but its probably more like the way it used to be with the clouds in skaia
JADE: they didnt always show you things, but when they did they were selective about what they would let you see
JADE: like they would make sure you saw whatever you needed to see to make sure things would go the right way
JADE: i always thought i knew so much, but in retrospect they gave me only a tiny glimpse of the big picture!
JOHN: that is so infuriating!
JADE: i guess!
JADE: it never felt that way when all i was doing was looking up at some clouds
JADE: i was happy to see whatever was there
JADE: but i guess its different in a situation like this
JADE: when you miss your friends, and you kind of wish the dream bubbles would play along
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: oh well.
JOHN: i guess it's only two more years.
JOHN: what do you think they will be like by then?
JOHN: do you think karkat will have driven them all insane?
JADE: heheh, probably!
JOHN: or maybe they will all be better friends with each other than they are with us.
JADE: hmmm
JADE: well look at it this way
JADE: by the end of our trip, will YOU be better friends with a bunch of salamanders than you are with rose and dave?
JOHN: i don't know. there ARE some pretty charming salamanders on this ship.
JADE: that is true
JOHN: but you know what i mean. things have a way of changing.
JOHN: like, have you thought at all about what it's going to be like when you see dave again?
JOHN: i mean, after the way things are going with you and dave sprite?
JADE: umm
JADE: what do you mean the way things are going?
JOHN: jade, please.
JADE: what!
JOHN: *sigh*
JOHN: you are not fooling anyone with your coy shenanigans.
JADE: what has he been telling you??
JOHN: nothing!! do you really think he would talk about any of that with me?
JOHN: there are just some obvious conclusions a guy is going to make about stuff.
JADE: well...
JADE: i guess i dont know whats going on with that
JOHN: hm.
JADE: i really dont!!!
JOHN: alright, fair enough.
JADE: um
JADE: what
JADE: do you think he would think about that?
JOHN: huh?
JADE: the other dave
JADE: i mean
JADE: hypothetically
JOHN: ah HA! so you HAVE thought about it!
JADE: im only wondering because you brought it up!!!!!!
JOHN: yes. yes i did.
JADE: then what do you think?
JOHN: i have no idea. we would probably never find out one way or the other, regardless.
JADE: maybe
JADE: well
JADE: what about you john?
JOHN: what about me even?
JADE: remember how you told me how karkat kept sort of trying to set you up with rose?
JOHN: yes.
JADE: you told me this on more than one occasion if i recall!
JOHN: what is your point!
JADE: well, i have kind of wondered to myself if you kept bringing that up because on some level you wanted that to be true...
JOHN: oh man.
JOHN: jade, listen.
JOHN: at this point i could not give less of a rat's ass about romancey stuff!
JOHN: i would rather just play some games, and chill out for several years on this magical flying boat. is that too much to ask?
JADE: not at all! that is perfectly fine
JOHN: when i catch up with our buddies, i'm sure i will give rose a nice, FRIENDLY hug.
JADE: aww
JOHN: whereas i will offer dave a tender bro embrace, and shove karkat down a flight of friendship stairs.
JADE: heheheheh
JOHN: but that is IT.
JOHN: it's all very complicated and bothersome, jade.
JADE: what?
JOHN: you know. matters of the heart.
JADE: *snicker*
JOHN: ok, you may laugh at my choice of words, but it is true.
JOHN: it's really befuddling and distracting when you are on a major quest to make universes out of frogs. who even needs it?
JADE: i guess you have a point
JOHN: like...
JOHN: you remember that troll girl who was sort of into me?
JADE: mm hm
JOHN: well, ok.
JOHN: that seemed like a pretty big deal at the time!
JOHN: it really seemed like she liked me, but also, she was *probably* insane?
JOHN: like, i mean, in a trollish, murderous kind of way.
JADE: yikes
JOHN: but craziness notwithstanding, i didn't really know what to think.
JOHN: i guess i thought she was cool at the time. i was honestly kind of flummoxed about it.
JOHN: but the point is, when all was said and done, that was just some stuff that happened over one day, which was a whole year ago already.
JOHN: i barely even remember what we talked about. by the time we meet up, she probably won't give a shit about me at all.
JOHN: which, let's face it, is probably for the best.
JADE: .....
JOHN: i think we make things more meaningful in our head when they're happening than they really are. like realistically? there were probably a lot of things that went on that day that didn't mean that much.
JOHN: like remember how you said you thought karkat was getting this silly angry crush on you?
JADE: that was just my hunch
JOHN: yeah.
JOHN: i mean, do you really think after three years he is still going to have the rage hots for you?
JADE: i sincerely doubt it
JADE: at least
JADE: i hope not ._.
JOHN: i don't think even he is that crazy.
JOHN: anyway, my point is, who even cares about all that?
JOHN: romance and dating are dumb and boring. we are legendary heroes, and we have bigger fish to fry. like that smug fatass over there on the horizon.
JOHN: he sure looks pleased with himself. just look at him, he thinks he is the undisputed king of that mountain or something.
JADE: that is so outrageous
JOHN: follow me so we can seize the high ground against this hideous ocean dwelling marshmallow man, and steal all of his treasure.
JADE: after you!
JASPERSPRITE: Ahem.
JOHN: jaspers, holy shit, another cake?
JASPERSPRITE: :3
JOHN: but there are still all these others we haven't touched.
JOHN: nanna is really baking up a storm today.
JASPERSPRITE: Aheh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hem.
JASPERSPRITE: Meoooooow.
JADE: grrr...
JOHN: jaspers, whoa, what are you doing?
JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-meow meow meow meeeooooow.
JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-meow meow MEOW MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOW.
JOHN: jaspers, no!!!
JOHN: it's fine if you want to sing me the birthday song, but for the love of god, don't MEOW it!!!!!
JOHN: you're going to rile her up!
JASPERSPRITE: Meow meow-MEOW meow meow JO-OHHHHHN.
JADE: grrrrrrrrrrr
JOHN: no jade, come on, PLEASE settle down.
JADE: i cant help it!
JADE: grrrr...
JADE: dammit!
JADE: im really not mad at him, i swear!
JASPERSPRITE: MEOW MEOW-MEEEOOOW MEEOOWW MEOW MEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOW.
JADE: WOOF!!!
JOHN: oh my god.
JADE: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF!
JASPERSPRITE: Hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!
JOHN: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!
***
MEENAH: hey you
MEENAH: god tier boy
MEENAH: water you doin there blue boy
MEENAH: )(-EY
MEENAH: IM TALKING TO YOU
MEENAH: yes you
MEENAH: the dork in the pajamas
MEENAH: ok the OT)(-ER dork in pajamas
MEENAH: be all a pajama party up in here today
JOHN: hi.
JOHN: which troll are you?
MEENAH: which troll am i
MEENAH: im the best troll dummy
MEENAH: now get away from her she is mine
JOHN: uh...
MEENAH: ive been hunting her for a whale now
JOHN: for a whale?
JOHN: what does that mean?
MEENAH: its a fish pun
MEENAH: sayin fish puns is obviously kind of this thing i do stupid G-ET WIT)( T)(-E PROGRAM
JOHN: oh, right.
JOHN: i thought it sounded kind of... fishy!
MEENAH: ooooh thats a good one
MEENAH: not
MEENAH: now beat it
JOHN: you must be the sea troll, i heard about you.
JOHN: but i'm pretty sure we never talked.
JOHN: have you by any chance seen vriska around? or karkat?
MEENAH: who the fuck are they
JOHN: um... your troll friends?
MEENAH: werent no friends of mine if i never heard of em
MEENAH: do you see this golden pointy deal here
JOHN: yes.
MEENAH: i was gonna use it to poke some holes in that girl there and see what happens
MEENAH: so clamscray
JOHN: oh no...
JOHN: why would you do that!
MEENAH: for the halibut
JOHN: uh. what?
MEENAH: halibut hell of it
MEENAH: ok that one wasnt that awesome
MEENAH: i thought i told you to clamscray
JOHN: i'm not sure what clamscray means either. you mean go away?
MEENAH: holy mother glubbing mackerel you are a fucking idiot
MEENAH: well if youre not gonna go
MEENAH: maybe you can at least tell me somefin
JOHN: what?
MEENAH: this is the afterlife isnt it
MEENAH: which means
MEENAH: im D-EAD
MEENAH: right
JOHN: yes. well, it's a dream bubble.
JOHN: so yeah, you are probably a ghost.
MEENAH: I KN-EW IT
MEENAH: hahahaha yessssss
JOHN: you're excited to be dead?
MEENAH: excited hmm
MEENAH: now that you mention it
MEENAH: yes
MEENAH: i am pretty
MEENAH: flippin
MEENAH: -EXCIT------ED
JOHN: why?
MEENAH: because
MEENAH: it means my plan worked
JOHN: what plan?
MEENAH: why would i tell a hornless dork like you somefin like that
JOHN: i dunno.
JOHN: just curious about your spooky ghost plan is all.
MEENAH: im curious about why a couple of freaks like you were sent to welcome me to hell
MEENAH: water you demons or somefin
MEENAH: pretty lame demons if you ask me
MEENAH: way too frondly and stupid
JOHN: no, we're humans.
JOHN: by which i mean aliens, i guess.
MEENAH: so like
MEENAH: youre dead aliens huh
MEENAH: whoever heard of an alien ghost
JOHN: i know, right? that's what i think sometimes.
JOHN: it's strange combination of sci-fi things. like alien stuff is all about science, right? at least it is in movies. aliens LOVE science. but then ghosts have nothing to do with science, they belong to the supernatural realms, which have more to do with religion i guess? or about a lot of hocus pocus and superstition, maybe even magic. science rarely enters the equation, unless it's something awesome like ghost busters, which makes ghosts and stuff ALL ABOUT science, even though the ghost science is obviously a bunch of total nonsense. i guess contact mixes aliens and ghosts because jodie foster saw her ghost dad in outer space? but then, that was probably just a science projection from an alien, to make her feel less sad about her dead dad, and not a real ghost or anything. i guess the lesson is that science and aliens teach us that ghosts and religion are fake? although, it turns out ghosts and aliens are actually real, so maybe science and religion have been lying to us all along. *shrug*
MEENAH: nerd
JOHN: um.
JOHN: yeah, sorry.
MEENAH: so the girl
MEENAH: she like your matesprit or whatever
JOHN: what?
JOHN: ha, no, i don't even know her.
JOHN: i kinda thought you knew who she was?
MEENAH: dont know who she is but i know W)(AT she is
MEENAH: shes done
JOHN: huh?
MEENAH: ever do any baking nerd
JOHN: yeah, a little...
MEENAH: then you know -EXACTLY what you do with somefin thats done
MEENAH: you stick a fork in it
MEENAH: S-E--------------------E
JOHN: no!!!
MEENAH: better think fast suckafish
JOHN: snoozing mystery girl, look out!!!
DAVE: whoa is that john
KARKAT: YEAH, I THINK IT IS.
DAVE: what the hell is going on
KARKAT: OH SHIT
KARKAT: JOHN WATCH OUT!!!!!!
KARKAT: WELL, FUCK.
KARKAT: LOOKS LIKE HE'S STILL AN IDIOT.
***
arachnidsGrip (AG) began trolling gallowsCalibrator (GC)
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!
AG: Aaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa haaa........ man, fuck this.
AG: It's a real pain in the ass typing out long victorious laughs with only one hand, you know?
AG: Gonna have to patch this thing up somehow. May8e I'll pay a visit to my neigh8or a little l8er.
AG: Getting my arm fixed nearly ought to 8e worth enduring the stench. Aw yeah. Sick 8urn from outta nowhere. Take that, Zahhak.
AG: Haha! NEIGH8or. I can't 8elieve I only thought of that now! I 8et he'll get kick out of that.
AG: I 8et you even more he won't laugh though. What a 8oring piece of shit.
AG: I know YOU would think it's funny though. Right Terezi?
AG: Man, I sure am glad this little feud of ours is 8asically over. We're totally even!
AG: Now we can just go 8ack to 8eing friends, and things will 8e gr8.
AG: Hmmmmmmmm........
AG: Hahahaha! You won't 8elieve this, 8ut it only occurred to me now that you won't even 8e a8le to read this!
AG: Even if you do somehow manage to stum8le 8ack to your hive........ you're 8lind now! Whoooooooops.
AG: It would 8e a real shame if we couldn't 8ury the hatchet and 8e gr8 friends again 8ecause of a stupid 8ullshit reason like that.
AG: Oh, I know.
AG: May8e I'll mindjack some random chump and send him to your hive so he can read my messages to you out loud!
AG: What a perfect solution. He can 8e your assisted living slave.
AG: I would have had the perfect candid8 all lined up, 8ut he recently lost the use of his legs unfortun8ly. Oh well, I'll just roll with the punches like I always do and find someone else.
AG: Just say the word, and I'll make him do whatever you want! Read my awesome notes to you, hang some more plush dragons from your tree, pre-chew your food........
AG: Well, may8e not pre-chew it, since I didn't exactly knock your teeth out, did I?
AG: May8e more like pre-look-at your food, to make sure there are 8ugs in it.
AG: See, isn't it gr8 when we're helping each other out instead of maiming each other repeatedly?
AG: This is how it should 8e 8etween Scourge Sisters. All the maimings and 8acksta88ings should 8e saved for the friends and foes who get in our way, don't you think?
AG: Hey, what do you want to do for our next campaign, 8tw?
AG: We can take the next one easy. I'll try to think of something 8etter suited to your new disa8ility!
AG: I mean, I've ALREADY pretty much nixed anything involving stairs, 8ecause of Tavros. Lol.
AG: 8n't no one can say I'm not willing to meet people half way!!!!!!!!
AG: Whew........
AG: I'm losing a lot of 8lood here.
AG: Good thing I seem to have a ton of the stuff. We high8loods are made of some pretty tough shit.
AG: What a fucking mess, though. Not really looking forward to cleaning this up.
AG: I've got to say, your prank was pretty good. Still not sure how you pulled it off. Pretty inconvenient though!
AG: It's too 8ad you're not going to get to read this for a while, if ever. We could 8e 8onding over the gr8 pranks we just pulled on each other!
AG: Oh well.
AG: Guess I'll take off. 8efore I drop dead like some kind of loser and you never get to hear from me again.
AG: See you around, sis.
GC: WOW
GC: 1 C4NT B3L13V3 1 4LMOST FORGOT
GC: WH4T 4 COMPL3T3LY CR4ZY B1TCH YOU W3R3
AG: Hey now!
AG: What kind of attitude is that to 8ring into this memory?
GC: OH
GC: Y34H
GC: SORRY >:[
AG: Easy, there.
AG: No need to waste good remorse on such a trivial exchange.
AG: I am only reminding you,
AG: That if you 8ring too much 8aggage from the past into the memory, it is dou8tful your experience will 8e either therapeutic or cathartic.
GC: UH
GC: WH4T
AG: You were the one who invoked this memory after all.
AG: Isn't this why you are here? Is it not what you have 8een hoping for and fretting you may find since your journey 8egan?
AG: A chance to say you are sorry?
GC: VR1SK4
GC: YOU SOUND R34LLY D1FF3R3NT
GC: WH4T H4PP3N3D TO YOU OUT H3R3?
AG: Sorry for the ruse.
AG: Though it isn't as far from the truth as it possi8ly could 8e, I am not who you think I am.
GC: >:?
AG: I of course needed to visit you through a memory, and interestingly, this is the one you gave me.
AG: No ill will or upsetting hijinks were intended.
GC: WHO 4R3 YOU?
AG: Aranea.
GC: OK
GC: 4ND??
AG: And I am your friend's ancestor.
AG: In fact, I am yours too, in a way.
GC: R34LLY??
AG: Yes. Though not quite how you are picturing.
AG: She had an ancestor whom she was aware of, and technically that is who I am.
AG: That is to say, she is who I would have 8ecome on your world, had I arrived in her place. Alas, I did not.
AG: She was a figure in your history who preceded you 8y thousands of solar sweeps.
AG: Whereas I preceded your entire civilization 8y 8illions.
GC: >:o
GC: 1 DONT G3T 1T
AG: That's ok. There is plenty of time to sort it all out.
AG: I've 8een keeping an eye on you all for quite a while. Your whole planet, actually. It was very interesting this time around, to say the least.
AG: It even had a different name! "Alternia." Haha. How heavy handed can you get?
AG: The man responsi8le was a 8it of a wise guy. He rewrote everything. He had a knack for overzealous storytelling, which is a harmless enough ha8it usually. I'm guilty of it myself sometimes.
AG: 8ut it is not so harmless when the perpetrator is omniscient and omnipotent.
GC: OMN1SC13NT?
GC: YOU M34N
GC: MR M1LKSH4K3???
AG: That's right.
AG: 8ut he's dead now, and his story is over. The 8ook on our universe is closed, 8oth for my instance and yours.
AG: This 8eing the case, I thought it was the right time to introduce myself. The com8ined work of my group and yours is unfinished, and the outcome has not 8een assured.
AG: The true ultimate reward has yet to 8e achieved. No safe haven has 8een created that is free from the devastation caused 8y Mr. Milkshake's grand deception.
AG: Our race still teeters on extinction. The mem8ers of your party, and one noteworthy fugitive, are the sole survivors.
AG: We must work together to create that haven and restore our race, so that the sacrifices we all made will not 8e in vain.
AG: 8ut in order to repair the unthinka8le damage that has 8een done, we need to allow ourselves the chance to heal first.
AG: Old wounds, old regrets. They will serve no purpose on the rest of your journey.
GC: R3GR3TS
GC: 4R3 YOU T4LK1NG 4BOUT M3 4ND VR1SK4?
AG: Sure. You have to start somewhere.
GC: DO YOU KNOW WH3R3 SH3 1S?
AG: Not at the moment.
AG: 8ut the more time you spend here, the more likely it is you will find whomever you are looking for.
AG: On the other hand, if it is the unknowa8le will of the gods, you may dance around each other indefinitely as you pass through this space. It is hard to say.
GC: OH
GC: OK TH3N
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 WH3TH3R TO B3 R3L13V3D OR FRUSTR4T3D BY TH4T
AG: Well, if she had 8een dwelling in this 8u88le like you thought, what would you want to say to her?
AG: Surely you would not have just argued a8out the past.
GC: NO
GC: 1 ST1LL DONT KNOW WH4T 1 WOULD S4Y TO H3R
AG: Then what would you say to me?
GC: 1 WOULD S4Y
GC: 3V3N THOUGH SH3 D1D SOM3 B4D TH1NGS 4ND W4S TOT4LLY 1MPOSS1BL3 MOST OF TH3 T1M3
GC: 1 W1SH SH3 W4SNT D34D
GC: 1S 1T W31RD TO M1SS SOM3BODY WHO D1D NOTH1NG BUT C4US3 PROBL3MS?
AG: No. I can empathize.
AG: She was a serious trou8lemaker in your party. Many player groups have to deal with those.
AG: I feel as though we had one of the worst cases in our party. 8ut when all was said and done, she was still our friend.
GC: 1 K33P WOND3R1NG 1F TH3R3 W4S 4NOTH3R W4Y
GC: SOM3TH1NG OTH3R TH4N L3TT1NG H3R GO, OR K1LL1NG H3R
GC: 1 TRY TO R3M3MB3R WH4T 1 S4W WH3N 1 LOOK3D 1NTO TH3 VORT1C3S OF POSS1B1L1TY
GC: 4ND 1 JUST C4NT R3M3MB3R 4NYTH1NG B3S1D3S THOS3 OPT1ONS
GC: 3V3N 1F THOS3 OTH3R CHO1C3S WOULD H4V3 R3SULT3D 1N D34TH FOR 3V3RYON3
GC: W4S TH4T R34LLY 4LL 1 W4S C4P4BL3 OF?
GC: 31TH3R LOS1NG TH3 N3RV3 TO GO THROUGH W1TH 1T, OR ST4BB1NG H3R 1N TH3 B4CK, 4ND NOTH1NG 3LS3?
AG: At that moment, perhaps.
AG: You know very well the channels of possi8ility at that exact juncture resulted from her decision paths as well as yours.
AG: 8ut even so, when it comes to your key decisions, the possi8ilities are pro8a8ly fewer and more discrete than you have presumed.
AG: Otherwise you would not see results consolidated into those vortices, would you? Possi8ility would resem8le an enormous hazy field of infinitely su8tle variations and micro-choices.
AG: Imagine if at that moment you truly were capa8le of anything, no matter how outlandish, a8surd, or patently fruitless. How would this vast amount of information present itself to you through your senses? What difference would it make in your final decision if all other tri8utaries of whim spilled into the same decaying future? And what would this make of your agency as a hero meant to learn and grow?
AG: Look at it this way. Imagine that over the course of someone's life, they are truly capa8le of every conceiva8le action at any moment, and did indeed take each of those actions in different 8ranching realities. Doesn't a scenario like that deaden a person's agency just as much as one where their fate is decidedly etched in stone as a single path of unavoida8le decisions? Who exactly is that person who can and does take all conceiva8le actions, other than someone perfectly generic, who only appears to have unique predilections and motives when you examine the ar8itrary path they happen to occupy?
GC: UM
GC: 1 DONT KNOW
AG: Pardon the esoteric tangent. These are my instincts as a Hero of Light kicking in. It's hard for us to resist prattling on a8out matters like this.
GC: OH GOD
GC: L1K3 ROS3
GC: Y34H SH3 N3V3R SHUTS UP 4BOUT 1T
GC: NO OFF3NS3 >:]
AG: ::::)
AG: You may seek to understand your decisions and look for justice in their consequences. You may wonder why honora8le choices from the innocent are punished 8y 8anishment to a timeline in which everyone dies and all is gradually dissolved.
AG: It helps to understand your role, not just as a hero who must overcome, 8ut as a single capillary within a much larger 8ioexistential system.
AG: Think of it like circulatory system, where the veins and capillaries that do not help the overall flow of 8lood through the system are likely to wither and die. Those are doomed offshoots.
AG: Reality itself is using you and many others to propagate its own existence. Strictly speaking, there is only one path to its successful propagation. 8ut it still permits you to make choices. Not all that are conceiva8le, 8ut some nevertheless, as dictated 8y who you are and the challenges you face. And you are free to make key decisions however you like, as long as you understand that some of these paths unfairly or not will lead to o8livion. 8ecause those choices do not contri8ute constructively to the perpetuation of all existence, including your own.
AG: Such is the 8urden assumed 8y anyone who plays this game.
GC: Y34H
GC: 1 GU3SS 1 UND3RSTOOD SOM3 OF TH4T, BUT N3V3R QU1T3 PUT 1T 4LL TOG3TH3R TH4T W4Y
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK 1 W4S 4 GR34T S33R OF M1ND
AG: Well, you aren't finished 8eing one, are you?
GC: M3H
GC: 1 DONT TH1NK OF MYS3LF TH4T W4Y 4NYMOR3
GC: 1 US3D TO F33L L1K3 SOM3 PR3TTY HOT SH1T!
GC: D1R3CT1NG B4TTL3 TR4FF1C 4G41NST TH3 K1NG, 4ND 4LL FL1PP1NG CO1NS 1N P3OPL3S F4C3S 4ND STUFF
GC: 1T S33MS S1LLY NOW. 1 DONT TH1NK 1 3V3R KN3W WH4T 1 W4S DO1NG
GC: WH3N 1 CONFRONT3D H3R, 4ND 1T W4S T1M3 TO M4K3 UP MY M1ND
GC: 1 THOUGHT 1 H4D 1T 4LL F1GUR3D OUT, L1K3 TH1S W4S WH4T 1 H4D TO DO. NOT JUST TO S4V3 3V3RYBODY, BUT 4S SOM3 STUP1D R1T3 OF P4SS4G3 OR SOM3TH1NG?
GC: TH3N 1T C4M3 T1M3 TO DO 1T, 4ND 1T W4S 4LL H4PP3N1NG SO F4ST...
GC: 4ND 1 FORC3D MY OWN H4ND. 1 COULD 31TH3R L3T 3V3RYON3 D13 1N ON3 R34L1TY, OR K1LL 4 FR13ND 1N 4NOTH3R
GC: 4ND 1 T3LL MYS3LF THOS3 W3R3 TH3 ONLY TWO VORT1C3S 1 S4W...
GC: BUT TH3N, 1 W4S TH3 ON3 WHO M4D3 TH3 S3R13S OF D3C1S1ONS WH1CH L3D UP TO TH4T CHO1C3, 4ND COMPL3T3LY P41NT3D TH3 OPT1ONS 1NTO TH4T CORN3R
GC: 4NYW4Y
GC: 1 JUST W1SH 1 COULD T3LL H3R TH4T
AG: Which one would you tell it to?
GC: HUH?
AG: The one who fought with Noir, or the one who didn't?
GC: OH
GC: 1 M34N
GC: 1 GU3SS 31TH3R?
GC: BUT 1 W4S TH1NK1NG MOR3 4BOUT TH3 ON3 WHOS3 D34TH 1M 4CTU4LLY R3SPONS1BL3 FOR
AG: Ah.
AG: Well, this could either 8e my experience as an ancient ghost talking, or the perspective I am naturally given to as a Light player,
AG: 8ut aren't you equally responsi8le for 8oth?
GC: >:\
GC: 1 GU3SS
AG: I can see why you would feel more responsi8ility for one than the other.
AG: My perspective is informed 8y my class and aspect. It was to my advantage as a healer to see things a little differently. To find equanimity across many different outcomes.
GC: OH?
AG: There's more to the realization of our roles than gaining flashy powers.
AG: And there's more to healing than repairing 8attle damage.
AG: You killed a friend and you understanda8ly feel regret.
AG: 8ut it's done. She is gone and you are still here.
AG: Now what?
GC: ...
AG: You could look for a8solution through rationalization. Everyone would have died if you didn't take action, so why trou8le yourself with guilty emotion?
AG: 8ut there is no real healing power in 8elieving that. And I don't think it's what you wanted to tell yourself anyway, is it?
GC: NOT R34LLY
AG: Or what a8out through renunciation of responsi8ility? If you were just a tool used 8y reality to perpetuate itself, where is the 8lame?
AG: 8ut that would 8e another empty idea that has no power to heal.
GC: Y34H
GC: 1V3 TR13D R4T1ON4L1Z1NG STUFF TH4T W4Y
GC: DO3SNT R34LLY H3LP
AG: You've 8een lead to 8elieve such acts of violence are natural for your kind, and that if you're upset 8y the consequences then something is wrong with you.
AG: 8ut it isn't as natural as you might think. That conditioning was a part of Milkshake's long con.
AG: Violence was respected and cele8rated on your world, 8ut remorse was rarely felt and pain could never heal due to such empty justifications. We died out a wounded race, and you are all that's left.
AG: The process of healing first involves sifting through what it isn't, which happens to 8e almost everything your trou8led mind has to offer.
GC: TH3N WH4T DO 1 DO?
GC: WH4TS TH3 4NSW3R?
AG: There isn't one.
AG: It takes time, and is only accelerated 8y looking at things honestly.
AG: This is what I did as a Sylph of Light. Helped people see things.
AG: I could even perform the feat literally, if you wanted.
GC: WHO4 WH4T?
AG: It's up to you of course.
***
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator (CGC) RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.
CGC: WH4T DO YOU GUYS TH1NK 4BOUT K4RK4TS N3W PL4N
CGC: TO TROLL TH3S3 K1DS
CGC: P3RSON4LLY 1 TH1NK H3 H4S F1N4LLY SN4PP3D 4ND 1T DO3SNT M4K3 4NY S3NS3
CGC: 1 F1GUR3D M4YB3 W3 COULD T4LK 4BOUT 1T H3R3 1N S3CR3T WH1L3 H3 ST4NDS OV3R TH3R3 M4K1NG H1S BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH
CGC: 1M PR3TTY SUR3 H3S STOPP3D BOTH3R1NG TO 1NV4D3 P4RTYTOWN, H3 H4S L34RN3D H1S L3SSON >:]
CGC: OBV1OUSLY TH1S 1S JUST FOR US H3R3 1N TH3 PR3S3NT TO R3M4RK ON
CGC: 1F YOU 4R3 FROM TH3 P4ST 4ND 4R3 CUR1OUS 4BOUT TH1S 4ND W4NT TO S4Y SOM3TH1NG YOU W1LL NOT B3 B4NN3D 4S 1S TH3 G3N3R4L RUL3 H3R3
CGC: BUT 1 W1LL POL1T3LY 4SK YOU TO K33P YOUR 1NT3RJ3CT1ONS TO 4 M1N1MUM!
CGC: 1 W1LL H4V3 ORD3R 1N TH1S RUMPUSBLOCK >:D
PAST carcinoGeneticist (PCG) 7 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG: YOU THINK I STOPPED KEEPING TABS ON YOUR VAPID, SEDITIOUS BULLSHIT???
PCG: THINK A FUCKING GAIN.
CGC banned PCG from responding to memo.
CGC: TH3 TOP1C 1S NOW OP3N FOR 4RGUM3NT4T1ON
CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY Y13LDS TH3 FLOOR W1TH 4 M1GHTY B4NG OF H3R G4V3L*
CGC: B4NG B4NG B4NG!
CGC: THR33 M1GHTY B4NGS
CGC: WH4T DO YOU H4V3 TO SUBM1T ON TH3 SUBJ3CT OF K4RK4TS T3NUOUS GR1P ON TH3 T4TT3R3D R3M41NS OF H1S S4N1TY, COUNS3LOR N3P3T4?
CURRENT arsenicCatnip (CAC) RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAC: :33 < *the especially impurrtant pouncellor looks really serious and thoughtful as she scoots her chair out from under the official courty looking table and begins to pace around thoughtfurry*
CAC: :33 < *she doesnt understand why
CAC: :33 < i dont understand why we are doing this!
CAC: :33 < what was the point again?
CGC: 3XC3LL3NT QU3ST1ON M1SS POUNC3LLOR
PAST carcinoGeneticist 2 [PCG2] 5 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG2: ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED.
PCG2: I CAN PLAINLY SEE YOU ARE GOING TO START WRITING THIS MEMO IN FIVE MINUTES.
PCG2: ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GO MAKE MY "BOR1NG 1NSP1R4T1ON4L SP33CH" AND THEN WALK OVER TO YOUR COMPUTER AND START FUCKING WITH YOU.
PCG2: GO AHEAD, BAN ME ALL YOU WANT.
CGC banned PCG2 from responding to memo.
CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY 3XPR3SS3S D1SD41NFUL Y3T 4UTHOR4T1V3 1NT3R3ST 1N OTH3R OP1N1ONS ON TH3 STUP1D3ST PL4N 3V3R CONC31V3D*
CGC: 4NY THOUGHTS?
CAC: :33 < i dont s33 why karkat has to always be banned from these memos!
CAC: :33 < what if he promises to behave himself?
CGC: W3 H4V3 B33N OV3R TH1S >:[
CAC: :33 < what if i talk to him in the past and told him he could post here as long as he was not purrticularly disagr33able?
CAC: :33 < thats a good idea! brb
CGC: OH GOD!
PAST carcinoGeneticist 3 [PCG3] 10 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG3: THANK YOU NEPETA, FOR ALERTING ME TO THE PRESENCE OF YET MORE OF THIS TAWDRY ROLEPLAY-INFESTED CLOAK AND DAGGER RUBBISH.
PCG3: HOW VERY INTERESTING.
CGC: *H3R TYR4NNY F4C3 P4LMS 1N 4 R34LLY D1GN1F13D 4ND 1NT1M1D4T1NGLY JUD1C14L M4NN3R*
CGC banned PCG3 from responding to memo.
CGC: *TH3 D1ST1NGU1SH3D POUNC3LLOR R3C31V3S 4 HUNDR3D B1LL1ON RUMPUS D3M3R1TS FOR 1NV1T1NG UNCOUTH R4BBL3 1NTO H3R ORD3RLY BLOCK*
CAC: :33 < :((
CURRENT twinArmageddons (CTA) RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTA: ii already told KK what ii thought about thii2 awful iidea.
CTA: iit ju2t make2 NO 2en2e, you can count me out.
CTA: you all can troll the2e iincompetent aliien2 all you want, iit won't change anythiing.
CTA: ii'll ju2t be over here waiitiing two diie wiith diigniity, ok well maybe iit'2 two late for that, but ju2t diie ii gue22, and y'all can 2uck iit biitche2.
CGC: TH3 M4G1STR4T3 FROM TH3 D3L1C1OUS 4PPL3B3RRY JUR1SD1CT1ON M4K3S 4N 3XC3LL3NT PO1NT 4BOUT TH3 OV3R4LL SH1TT1N3SS OF TH3 PROPOS1T1ON
CGC: 4ND 4BOUT M4N4G1NG TO B3 4N 3V3N GRUMP13R P41N 1N TH3 4SS TH4N OUR F34RL3SS L34D3R SOM3HOW
CTA: ii don't get why you're RP'iing about thii2, iit doe2n't make 2en2e, you're all out of your fuckiing 2ponge2.
CTA: why don't you ju2t u2e our name2.
CGC: >:O
CGC banned CTA from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned CTA from responding to memo.
CGC: OK SORRY 4BOUT TH4T
CGC: THOLLLLUUUUUUXXXXTHHHH
CGC: TH3R3 4R3 YOU H4PPY
CTA: whatever.
PAST carcinoGeneticist 4 [PCG4] 4 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG4: YOU BASTARD, IS IT REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK TO TAKE A FEW TOOLS OUT BEHIND THE GRUBSHED.
PCG4: ALL I'M ASKING YOU TO DO IS HASSLE SOME ALIENS, GOD.
PCG4: AFTER ALL THOSE TIMES I SAVED YOUR LIFE YOU THINK YOU COULD DO ME ONE LITTLE SOLID.
CTA: yeah after you got me kiilled iin the fiir2t place.
PCG4: HOW CAN YOU THROW THAT IN MY FACE AGAIN, I THOUGHT WE WERE COOL.
CTA: ii 2aiid whatever.
CGC: UUUGH
CGC banned PCG4 from responding to memo.
CURRENT apocalypseArisen (CAA) RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAA: i will n0t be participating
CAA ceased responding to memo.
PAST carcinoGeneticist 5 [PCG5] 3 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG5: OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO NOW.
PCG5: THAT'S IT GUYS, THE PLAN IS CANCELED.
PCG5: ARADIA ISN'T GOING TO MOPE AT THESE LOSERS FOR US, THE WHOLE PLAN HINGED ON THAT.
CGC banned PCG5 from responding to memo.
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller (CCC) RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCC: I still don't quite understand t)(e plan eit)(er.
CCC: I mean, I don't really mind talking to t)(em! It could be fun and t)(ey look interesting.
CCC: But I really don't t)(ink t)(is is all t)(eir fault.
CCC: Can't we say nice t)(ings to t)(em instead of troll t)(em?
CCC: Maybe even )(-ELP t)(em! 38)
PAST carcinoGeneticist 6 [PCG6] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG6: NO, FUCK.
PCG6: YOU CAN'T BE NICE TO THEM.
PCG6: YOU ARE COMPLETELY MISSING THE GLUBBING POINT, FISH PRINCESS.
CGC banned PCG6 from responding to memo.
PAST carcinoGeneticist 7 [PCG7] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
PCG7: HEY TEREZI I'M ABOUT TO MAKE THIS AWESOME SPEECH AND INSPIRE THE FUCK OUT OF YOU GUYS.
PCG7: WHEN I'M DONE I'M COMING OVER TO YOUR STATION AND THEN YOUR ASS IS MINE.
PCG7: ENJOY THIS GARBAGE DUMP OF A MEMO WHILE IT LASTS.
CGC: BL444444R >XO
CGC banned PCG7 from responding to memo.
CGC: TH1S 1S WHY W3 C4NT H4V3 N1C3 TH1NGS
CGC: 1M T3MPT3D TO CLOS3 TH1S M3MO NOW >:\
CGC: 1F 4NYON3 H4S 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y S4Y 1T QU1CK!
PAST carcinoGeneticist 8 [PCG8] 2 MINUTES AGO responded to memo.
CGC banned PCG8 from responding to memo.
CGC: NOT YOU
PAST terminallyCapricious (PTC) 420 HOURS AGO responded to memo.
PTC: YeAh iM NoT FoLlOwInG ThIs mOtHeRfUcKiN PlAn uP At aLl
PTC: wHo aRe wE TrOlLiNg
CGC: G4MZ33 TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 1S T4K1NG PL4C3 W33KS 1N TH3 FUTUR3
CGC: 1T DO3S NOT CONC3RN YOU!
PTC: oH
PTC: WeLl mOtHeR FuCk i gUeSs
CGC: DONT WORRY 4BOUT 1T >:P
CGC: JUST SCROLL 4ROUND 4ND LOOK FOR ON3 OF TH3 RRPT OP3N CH4T M3MOS
PTC: oKaY
PTC: HoNk :o)
CGC: LKSD;GDKNLN
CGC: ASDM SDFSFD9W30
CGC: DFD;
CGC: GH
CGC: EUHFHSDKLNVSDJKLSJKBSDJKF
PTC: wHoA
CGC: K4RK4T IS M4SHING MY K3YBOSDVFDNFLBLGBGSDGFSB['A
CGC: AKJFA
CGC: SEUFHWEUIONDN
CGC: AUIHDF
CGC: SDSAD
CGC: 4444UGH H3 1S SUCH 4 L1TTL3SDKJGBSDJKBG
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC: FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist (CCG) RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: OH NOW WHAT'S UP???????????
CGC: GOD D4MM1T H3 LOGG3D ON TO MY COMPURO3IHHGRNVNFSDKS'SD
CGC: 4ND H3S ST1LL M4SH1NG M3!!! >:[
CGC: SDKLFSDK FHS
CGC: YUGUFY
CGC: G3T OFF!!!!!!!!!SFBSDJB
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CCG: WHY ARE YOU BANNING YOURSELF TEREZI????
CCG: PRETTY FUCKING MENTAL IF YOU ASK ME.
CCG: REALLY FUCKED UP OF YOFDIHFNGNJKGLJS
CCG: ASKJSKF89UG
CCG: YDRHHGH
CCG: WEFOWEGWLKNGNIOV
CCG: SDIJS
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
CGC banned CCG from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned CGC from responding to memo.
CGC banned CCG from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned CCG from responding to memo.
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
CGC banned herself from responding to memo.
CGC unbanned herself from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned himself from responding to memo.
CCG: OK QUIT THADJKNFSDK
CCG: FUCK OW GOD DAMFFJKSNFBGB
CCG: OW!!!!! FUCKALKLKDNJJV
CGC: 1 4M GO1NG TO SH4RP3N YOUR STUP1D LOOK1NG NUBBY HORNS 1N YOUR SL33P!!!
CGC: TH3N TH4TS WH4T W1LL B3 UP, BY3 BY3 NUBS
CCG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST FILE THEM ALL THE WAY DOWN.
CCG: SINCE YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF WAYS TO EMASCULATE ME IN FRONT OF MY TEAM.
CGC: W1LL YOU G1V3 YOUR BOR1NG L34D3R COMPL3X 4 R3ST FOR ONC3
CGC: 1TS G3TT1NG SO OLD!
CURRENT arachnidsGrip (CAG) RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CAG: Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!
CAG: You are 8oth ridiculous.
CCG: HEY VRISKA, YOU'RE DOWN WITH MY TROLLING PLAN.
CCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL EVERYONE IN RAINBOW ASSGRAB JUNCTION WHAT A GREAT IDEA IT IS.
CAG: I'm 8usy.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK COULD YOU BE BUSY WITH???
CAG: I'm making my own plans! I'm a pretty 8ig deal, remem8er Karkat?
CGC: 1T LOOKS L1K3 YOU FORGOT HOW M4NY 1RONS SH3 H4S 1N TH3 F1R3
CAG: Exactly!
CCG: WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT GOING ALONG WITH MY SIMPLE PLAN TO SERVE A FEW PINK SKINNED DOUCHE BAGS A PIPING HOT NUTRITION PLATEAU FULL OF FUCK YOU.
CGC: M4YB3 W3 W1LL BUT W3 4LL JUST K1ND OF W4NT TO DO OUR OWN TH1NG!
CCG: THERE IS A WORD FOR THAT, IT IS CALLED GROSS INSUBORDINATION.
CGC: TH4TS TWO WORDS R3T4RD >:P
CAG: Do you guys realize you are sharing a key8oard and taking turns to argue with each other?
CAG: That is kind of cute. ::::)
CTA: yeah ii hate to 2ay iit, but iit really 2ort of ii2.
CCG: OK FUCK THIS.
CCG: EVERYONE IS OFFICIALLY BANNED FROM THIS TRAIN WRECK.
CCG banned CAG from responding to memo.
CCG banned PTC from responding to memo.
CCG banned CCC from responding to memo.
CCG banned CAA from responding to memo.
CCG banned CTA from responding to memo.
CCG banned CAC from responding to memo.
CCG banned CGC from responding to memo.
CCG unbanned CGC from responding to memo.
CCG: YOU C4N'T B4N M3 FROM MY OWN M3MO!
CCG: WHOOPS >:[
CGC: YOU C4N'T B4N M3 FROM MY OWN M3MO!
CGC: LOOKS LIKE I JUST DID.
CGC: SHIT. D:B
CCG: LOOKS LIKE I JUST DID.
CGC: F1N3 1 W1LL JUST SHUT TH3 M3MO DOWN
CGC: SO YOU W1LL G3T TH3 H3LL OUT OF H3R3!
CCG: FINE, I'M GONE.
CCG banned himself from responding to memo.
CGC: UUUUUUUUUUUGH
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator (FGC) 6:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGC: H3Y!
CGC: OH H3Y!
FGC: 1 JUST THOUGHT 1 WOULD 4DD ON3 L4ST R3M4RK TO TH1S S1LL1N3SS
FGC: 4 R3M4RK OF R34SSUR4NC3!
CGC: OHH >:?
FGC: Y3S, YOU SHOULD TROLL TH3 HUM4NS
FGC: 1T W1LL B3 FUN >:]
CGC: W3LL, W3 BOTH KNOW TH4T 1 W4S PL4NN1NG TO 4NYW4Y
FGC: OF COURS3! 1 TRUST YOUR JUDGM3NT ON TH3 M4TT3R
FGC: JUST H3R3 TO S4Y YOU WONT R3GR3T 1T
CGC: TH4T 1S N1C3 TO KNOW!
CGC: 1 TRUST YOUR JUDGM3NT 4S W3LL
FGC: Y3S!
FGC: 4NOTH3R TR1UMPH OF SOUND JUDGM3NT 4ND GOOD T1M3S FOR T34M PYROP3 4ND TH3 LOY4L SUBSCR1B3RS OF R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN
CGC: HOOR4Y! >:D
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist (FCG) 6:12 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: I'M GOING TO BE FUCKING SICK.
CGC banned FCG from responding to memo.
CGC closed memo.
***
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist (CCG) RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY, BORING ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE EDITION.
CCG: I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING THIS MEMO BULLSHIT AGAIN.
CCG: I GUESS I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
CCG: I JUST NEED TO AIR OUT SOME SHIT WITH SOMEBODY, AND EVERYONE HERE HAS THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP THEIR NOOKS I WANT TO SCREAM LOUDER THAN I USUALLY DO.
CCG: THEIR TROLL NOOKS *AND* HUMAN NOOKS, WHATEVER THE HELL A HUMAN NOOK EVEN *IS*.
CCG: YOU KNOW?
CCG: HEY, ARE YOU THERE?
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist (FCG) 10 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.
CCG: OH...
CCG: HEY
FCG: I CAN'T
FCG: I JUST CANNOT
FCG: *FUCKING*
FCG: **BELIEVE**
FCG: I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN WITH YOU/ME.
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK MADE ME THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA???
CCG: DUDE, WHAT'S WITH THE TEXT?
FCG: UUUUUGH.
FCG: WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!
FCG: I JUST HAVE THIS INCREDIBLE PREMONITION YOU'RE ABOUT TO ANYWAY.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW WHY YOU CHANGED YOUR TEXT RED!
CCG: WE DON'T DO THAT. THE SHOWY, SELF-ABSORBED "PAINT YOUR TEXT IN YOUR BLOOD COLOR" THING. OR EYE COLOR, OR WHATEVER.
CCG: IT'S FOR ATTENTION-GREEDY, INSECURE LOSERS.
FCG: SURE IS!
CCG: HMM.
FCG: ?????? <- SARCASTIC WONDER.
CCG: I'M JUST THINKING
CCG: THIS REALLY MAKES OUR CONVERSATIONS EASIER TO READ.
CCG: REMEMBER THOSE INSANE BLOCKS OF GRAY ANGRY TEXT WE USED TO WRITE TOGETHER.
CCG: WHAT WAS THAT
CCG: LIKE HALF A SWEEP AGO ALREADY?
CCG: IS IT WEIRD THAT I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING BACK ON ALL THAT INSANITY WITH A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF FONDNESS?
CCG: AT LEAST SHIT WAS HAPPENING.
CCG: IT'S SO BORING OUT HERE. AND LIVING WITH THE HUMANS IS JUST GETTING KIND OF
CCG: WEIRD.
CCG: ANYWAY, THIS IS ACTUALLY A LOT MORE DECIPHERABLE. MAYBE YOU'RE ON TO SOMETHING.
FCG: WELL HEY, CHECK IT OUT: SHIT JUST GOT NOSTALGIC.
FCG: LOOK AT THAT, I'M FEELING MORE SENTIMENTAL ABOUT THIS MORONIC CONVERSATION ALREADY.
CCG: OK, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GO FROM ZERO TO DOUCHE LIKE IN THE BLINK OF A FUCKING GLANCE NUGGET.
FCG: THE BLINK OF A GLANCE NUGGET?? I'VE BEEN AT THIS FOR TEN MINUTES ALREADY. AND COUNTING!
CCG: I JUST THINK YOU MIGHT HAVE BEEN ON TO SOMETHING WITH THE RED TEXT. I WAS TRYING TO PAY YOU A COMPLIMENT YOU ANTAGONIZING FUCK.
CCG: I MEAN, WE ONLY EVER GOT IN THE HABIT OF TYPING IN GRAY TO HIDE OUR BLOOD COLOR, RIGHT?
CCG: AND LIKE, 1) EVERYBODY KNOWS IT NOW, IT WAS THE WORST KEPT FUCKING SECRET EVER, AND 2) EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T, IT'S JUST US HERE, AND OBVIOUSLY WE'VE BOTH ALREADY KNOWN IT ALL OUR LIVES
CCG: UNLESS WE'RE BOTH SO NEUROTIC WE ACTUALLY STILL WANT TO ACT LIKE ITS A SECRET WE'RE KEEPING FROM EACH OTHER...
CCG: BUT I'D LIKE TO THINK THE DAYS OF THAT ASTOUNDING DEGREE OF MENTAL ILLNESS ARE BEHIND US!
FCG: (I WANT TO KILL MYSELF, BUT I CAN'T UNTIL THE CONVERSATION RUNS ITS COURSE. THIS IS THE WORST HELL IMAGINABLE.)
CCG: SHUT THE FUCK UP. THAT'S THE EXACT KIND OF MELODRAMA I'M TALKING ABOUT, WE'RE BETTER THAN THAT NOW MAN.
CCG: I'M GONNA DO THE *MATURE* THING HERE: AND SWITCH MY TEXT TO RED.
CCG: THERE. I THINK THIS SHOULD BE THE UNIVERSAL CONVENTION FOR WHEN TWO OF THE SAME PEOPLE ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.
CCG: ONE GUY BITES THE BULLET AND TALKS IN RED.
CCG: SERIOUSLY, ONE OF US HAS TO BE THE GROWN UP HERE.
FCG: OH! I GET IT NOW.
FCG: WHEN I TYPE IN RED, IT'S SHOWY AND INSECURE, BUT WHEN YOU DO IT, YOU ARE SHOULDERING THE PRAGMATIC BURDEN OF A MARTYR, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS *MY* FUCKING IDEA TO DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE TEN MINUTES AGO!
FCG: YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
CCG: OK!!! GOD DAMMIT, STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE. I FUCKING APOLOGIZE.
FCG: CAN YOU JUST TALK ABOUT YOUR STUPID FEELINGS ALREADY SO WE CAN GET THIS NIGHTMARE OVER WITH.
CCG: WELL LOOK, IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS LOPSIDED THING WHERE I SPILL ALL MY FEELINGS INTO IDIOTSPACE WHILE SOME SHIT HEAD YELLS AT ME.
CCG: I WAS KIND OF THINKING THERE WOULD BE SOME GIVE AND TAKE, SINCE YOU PRESUMABLY SHARE A LOT OF MY THOUGHTS??
FCG: OK WHATEVER. JUST SAY SOME STUFF ALREADY. ALL THAT SHIT I SAID TEN MINUTES AGO.
FCG: I WILL "RIFF" WITH YOU AND SOMEHOW PRETEND IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE I'M REHASHING A BUNCH OF LINES WRITTEN IN BARELY DRIED INK!!!
CCG: OK
CCG: WELL
CCG: I'M HAVING A HARD TIME EVEN PUTTING MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS ABOUT THIS BIZARRE TREK THROUGH THE RING.
CCG: AT FIRST IT WAS JUST BLAND AND UNEVENTFUL. BUT THAT WAS KIND OF A RELIEF, REMEMBER?
CCG: NOT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING KILLED ALL THE TIME, OR TRYING TO RALLY A BUNCH OF UNCOOPERATIVE TROOPS TOWARD AN IMPOSSIBLE OBJECTIVE.
FCG: YEAH.
CCG: BUT THEN
CCG: AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH THAT SOMETIMES WE VISIT THESE CRAZY DREAM BUBBLES WHEN WE GO TO SLEEP...
CCG: WE STARTED PHYSICALLY PASSING THROUGH THEM TOO.
CCG: LIKE I THINK I COULD HANDLE IT BETTER IF IT WAS JUST ONE THING OR THE OTHER.
CCG: LIKE *ONLY* THE MONOTONOUS DAY TO DAY DRUDGERY ON THE SAME GLOOMY FUCKING METEOR WITH THE SAME BUNCH OF RIDICULOUS PEOPLE, AND BASICALLY NOTHING TO DO EVER EXCEPT GET ALL UP IN EACH OTHER'S BUSINESS.
CCG: OR *ONLY* A SWEEPS LONG SAFARI THROUGH AN EPHEMERAL REALM OF GHOST MEMORIES AND DEAD FRIENDS SHITTING AROUND IN A HAPHAZARD EXISTENTIAL CLUSTERFUCK.
CCG: BUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH BOTH, IN TOTALLY RANDOM INTERVALS?
CCG: IT'S KIND OF TAKING ITS TOLL.
FCG: "I HEAR YOU MAN."
FCG: THAT WAS WHEN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY THAT.
FCG: BUT FOR THE RECORD, I GUESS I MEANT IT.
CCG: YEAH.
CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT.
CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY.
CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES.
CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT.
CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.
CCG: FOR REASONS I CAN'T REALLY PUT MY FINGER ON.
FCG: I KNOW WHY.
CCG: YOU DO?
FCG: YEAH.
CCG: WELL OF COURSE YOU DO.
CCG: I GUESS BECAUSE I JUST TOLD YOU TEN MINUTES AGO, MAKING IT LIKE A SELF-FULFILLING EPIPHANY??
FCG: WELL THERE'S THAT
FCG: BUT ALSO THIS CONVERSATION HELPED CLARIFY SOME THOUGHTS TOO, IN SPITE OF ITS EXCRUCIATING POINTLESSNESS.
FCG: PART OF WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU ABOUT THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT MORTALITY.
CCG: YEAH
CCG: I THINK THAT'S PART OF IT.
CCG: AFTER VISITING WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DREAM BUBBLES
CCG: AND HANGING OUT WITH WHO KNOWS HOW MANY DEAD FRIENDS, AND *COPIES* OF DEAD FRIENDS FROM ALTERNATE TIMELINES...
CCG: I START TO WONDER, DOES DEATH EVEN REALLY MEAN ANYTHING?
CCG: DID LIFE MEAN ANYTHING, FOR THAT MATTER??
CCG: WAS THE POINT OF LIFE TO JUST GO AROUND COLLECTING A BUNCH OF PAINFUL AND AWKWARD EXPERIENCES TO SUPPLY MATERIAL FOR THE REVOLVING MEMORY-COLLAGE THAT SERVES AS THE BACKDROP TO A MUCH LONGER, EMPTIER STRETCH OF EXISTENCE?
CCG: AND HOW UNNERVING IS IT RUNNING INTO OUR DEAD DOPPELGANGERS FROM DOOMED TIMELINES?
FCG: HEY, YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR, BRO.
CCG: IT'S FUCKED UP.
CCG: NEVER MIND WHAT IT MEANS ABOUT A PERSON'S IDENTITY OR SENSE OF SELF, OR WHICH GUY GETS TO BE CONSIDERED "THE REAL GUY" OR PHILOSOPHICAL BULLSHIT LIKE THAT.
CCG: JUST ON THE LEVEL OF WHAT YOUR DECISIONS AND ACTIONS DURING YOUR LIFE ACTUALLY MEAN.
CCG: SOMETIMES WE RUN INTO THESE VERSIONS OF OURSELVES WHO REACHED GOD TIER FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
CCG: BUT IN SPITE OF BEING *MORE* SUCCESSFUL THAN WE WERE, BY THAT PARTICULAR OBJECTIVE MEASURE
CCG: THEY GET PUNISHED FOR THAT, BECAUSE IT WASN'T "THE THING THAT NEEDED TO HAPPEN"??
FCG: PRETTY MUCH.
CCG: SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE US?
CCG: IF WE ARE TO TAKE SOME LESSON FROM THAT, WHAT IS IT!
CCG: "TRY TO BE GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL, BUT MAYBE NOT TOOOO GREAT AND SUCCESSFUL?"
CCG: OR MAYBE DON'T TRY AT ALL IN SOME CASES! BECAUSE IF YOU DO, SOME GIANT FUCKING SQUID IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE IS GOING TO BE LIKE, NOT SO FAST, MY HIDEOUS MONSTER PLANS BEG TO DIFFER.
CCG: DON'T YOU THINK WE'D HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF IF WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS DREAM BUBBLE SHIT?
FCG: WELL.
FCG: YEAH.
FCG: THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING TEN MINUTES AGO.
FCG: BUT NOW I DON'T EVEN KNOW.
CCG: YEAH, WELL AT LEAST YOU'RE LISTENING. EVEN IF YOU WERE BEING YOUR USUAL SHITTY SELF ABOUT IT.
CCG: NOBODY ELSE EVEN GETS THIS, THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
CCG: LIKE TEREZI?
CCG: IT USED TO BE THAT SHE WOULD AT LEAST HUMOR EVEN MY MOST LUDICROUS, VITRIOLIC GARBAGE ALL THE TIME.
CCG: REMEMBER THOSE DAYS?
CCG: WAY BACK BEFORE WE EVEN KNEW WHAT A HUMAN WAS.
CCG: BACK ON ALTERNIA WHEN MY BIGGEST FEAR WAS IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT I WAS A MUTANT. HOW QUAINT CAN YOU FUCKING GET?
CCG: I WAS AN IDIOT NOT TO UNDERSTAND HOW GOOD THINGS WERE BACK THEN.
CCG: BETWEEN US.
CCG: NOW IT'S LIKE...
FCG: SDJS;ALSKJFSA;JK
CCG: WHAT?
FCG: THIS PART OF THE CONVERSATION.
CCG: OH GET OVER YOURSELF, OUR TEN MINUTES IS ALMOST UP.
CCG: I WOULD JUST LIKE TO KNOW.
CCG: IS SHE PUNISHING ME FOR SOMETHING?
CCG: I DON'T NEED TO REMIND YOU HOW MUCH TIME SHE SPENDS GALLIVANTING AROUND THE METEOR WITH YOU KNOW WHO.
FCG: NO YOU SURE AS FUCK DO NOT.
CCG: AFTER ALL THIS TIME I *STILL* CAN'T TELL IF SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT THAT, OR DOING IT TO FUCK WITH ME.
CCG: WHAT DO YOU THINK? IS THERE SOMETHING LEGITIMATELY RED GOING ON THERE?
CCG: HOW CAN I COMMAND SUCH ABSOLUTE MASTERY OVER THE ROMANTIC SCIENCES YET REMAIN PERPLEXED BY THIS???
CCG: MAYBE I CAN'T GET A READ BECAUSE HE'S NOT A TROLL, AND THEREFORE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK HE'S DOING?
CCG: IT'S LIKE TRYING TO DECIPHER AN INTRICATE COURTSHIP PROCESS BETWEEN AN ATTRACTIVE POTENTIAL MATESPRIT, AND SOME SORT OF VEGETABLE.
CCG: LIKE IT DOESN'T COMPUTE.
FCG: FUCK, THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING LISTENING TO THIS, MAKE IT STOP.
CCG: QUIET, I'M TALKING.
CCG: I JUST FEEL LIKE MAYBE I'M PAST THE POINT OF NO RETURN WITH HER.
CCG: WHERE BEFORE THERE WAS MARGIN FOR ERROR, PROBABLY WAY MORE THAN I EVER DESERVED.
CCG: AND NOW THAT'S IT. SHE'S TOTALLY HAD IT, AND THERE'S A NEW DUDE WITH CANDYBLOOD IN TOWN.
CCG: HE'S JUST GOT IT ALL, DOESN'T HE? HE'S A MUCH BETTER ARTIST THAN I AM, FOR ONE THING.
CCG: AND HIS HORNS ARE SO NUBBY, THEY DON'T EVEN EXIST! TALK ABOUT HITTING THE JACKPOT.
CCG: AM I OFF BASE??
FCG: WE JUST WENT OVER THIS.
FCG: I DIDN'T GET IT THEN BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY WHINING AND FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF LIKE YOU'RE DOING NOW SO PIPE DOWN AND LISTEN.
***
gallowsCalibrator (GC) began trolling terminallyCapricious (TC)
GC: H3Y G4MZ33Z YOU W4NT TO PL4Y G4M3Z3Z W1TH M3??
TC: hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!
GC: >8\
GC: 1T SUR3 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 TH3 W31RD TH1NGS YOU S4Y SOM3T1M3S!
GC: BUT 1M GONN4
GC: TH3 ONLY R34SON 1M 4SK1NG YOU 1S B3C4US3 YOUR N4M3 1S L1K3 G4M3
GC: 4ND NO OTH3R R34SON
GC: G3T 1T??? >:]
TC: HaHa WeLl I hEaRd Of WoRsE fUcKiN rEaSoNs To Be GeTtIn AlL aBoUt To Do SoMeThInG.
TC: :o) hOnK
GC: NO TH4T SHOULD BOTH3R YOU, TH4T R34SON
GC: WHY DONT TH1NGS L1K3 TH4T BOTH3R YOU??
GC: NO WOND3R V4NT4S C4NT ST4ND YOU
GC: BUT WHO C4R3S 4BOUT H1M, W3R3 GO1NG TO H4V3 SOM3 MOTH3RFUCK1NG SH1TTY B1TCH3S PL4Y1NG TOG3TH3R!
GC: OR WH4T3V3R YOU S41D
TC: sO iS tHiS tHe GaMe I'vE hEaRd AbOuT?
TC: ThE bIg MyStErY?
GC: Y34H
TC: wHoA oK uHhH...
TC: ThIs Is GoInG tO bE fUcKiN iNsAnE.
TC: bUt CaN wE pLaY a LiTtLe LaTeR?
TC: I'm OuTsIdE kEePiNg An EyE oUt HeRe FoR tHe OlD gOaT.
TC: yOu KnOw HoW iT iS wItH fAmIlY.
GC: NO, NOT R34LLY!
GC: 4DURRRR DURR DURP
TC: Oh YeAh...
GC: DURRRRRRRRRRRRR
GC: W4Y TO GO, HOW DO3S TH4T STUP1D BOTTL3D SYRUP OF YOURS T4ST3 W1TH YOUR HOOF SO F4R UP YOUR MOUTH???
GC: >:]
TC: sOoOoOoOrY.
TC: AnYwAy I'lL gO iNsIdE iN a WhIlE, wHy DoN't YoU gEt KaRkAt To FiRe Up ThAt MoThErFuCkEr WiTh YoU?
TC: hE lIkEs GaMeS.
GC: OH NOOOOO.
GC: GOD C4N YOU 1M4G1N3 4LL TH3 B1TCH1NG 4ND MO4N1NG?
GC: 1 US3D TO TRY TO PL4Y STUFF W1TH H1M BUT WOW D1D 1 L34RN MY L3SSON.
TC: AlRiGhT, wElL i'Ll TrY tO gEt In AnD gEt Up On My ChIlL rEaL sOoN aNd We CaN pLaY.
TC: jUsT gIvE mE a MiNuTe!
GC: BULLSH1T!
GC: YOU KNOW YOUR3 JUST GO1NG TO S1T TH3R3 ON TH3 B34CH 4ND SP4C3 OUT 4ND LOS3 TR4CK OF T1M3.
GC: H3LLO?
GC: G4MZ?????
TC: WhAt?
TC: oH mAn SoRrY.
TC: I sPaCeD oUt, DiD yOu KnOw HoW bEaTuFuL tHe SoUnD oF tHe OcEaN iS?
TC: hAvE yOu EvEr EvEn SeEn ThE oCeAn?
TC: oR i MeAn SmElLeD iT...
TC: SoRrY.
GC: >:[
***
twinArmageddons (TA) began trolling carcinoGeneticist (CG)
TA: KK dont fliip your 2hiit about thii2 but iim 2ettiing you up two play a game wiith 2ome people.
CG: WHY WOULD I FLIP MY SHIT ABOUT THAT.
TA: becau2e you fliip your 2hiit about everythiing.
CG: WELL WILL YOU LOOK AT THIS.
CG: HERE IS MY SHIT, AND YET IT REMAINS UNFLIPPED.
CG: JUST SITTING THERE ON THE SKILLET, GETTING BURNED ON ONE SIDE.
CG: IT'S A MIRACLE.
TA: oh no are you iinto miiracle2 now two becau2e iif you are youre fiired preemptiively from the game.
CG: FUCK NO.
TA: ok niice.
CG: MIRACLES ARE LIKE POOP STAINS ON GOD'S UNDERWEAR.
TA: eheheh makiing fun of people2 reliigiion2 i2 the be2t thiing two do.
CG: THAT'S WHY HE HIDES THEM, THEY'RE FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
CG: GOD LAUNDERS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.
TA: eheheheheh riight on but let2 2hut our mouth2 a 2econd and talk about thii2 game.
TA: iitll only be a 2econd really you dont have two do two much.
CG: OK, GOOD, BECAUSE I'M PRETTY BUSY TONIGHT.
CG: WHAT IS THIS THING ANYWAY, WHY ALL THE SECRECY.
TA: well the 2hort 2tory ii2 that iit2 an iimmer2iive 2iimulatiion that you play wiith a group.
TA: the long 2tory ii2 that the fate of our ciiviiliizatiion depend2 on u2 playiing iit.
TA: heh ii gue22 the long one wa2 2horter than the 2hort one FUCK.
CG: THAT SOUNDS LIKE MELODRAMATIC BULLSHIT BUT COMING FROM YOU COLOR ME UNSURPRISED.
TA: 2crew you vanta2 thii2 2hiit2 more real than kraft grub2auce.
CG: RIGHT OK.
CG: SO YOU MADE THIS GAME?
TA: no no.
TA: more liike ii adapted iit.
CG: FROM WHAT.
TA: 2ome crazy technology AA dug out of 2ome ruiin2.
TA: havent you talked two her about iit?
CG: MAN, NO.
CG: I CAN'T TALK TO HER, SHE'S SO SPOOKY.
CG: I DON'T KNOW WHY MOST OF OUR FRIENDS ARE SUCH PSYCHOS.
TA: probably iit2 becau2e mo2t troll2 are.
TA: iif you heard what ii heard every niight ii mean WOW FUCK.
CG: NO LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR WEIRD MUTANT BRAIN.
CG: AND DON'T SCAN MINE OR WHATEVER, IT'S OFF LIMITS YOU DOUCHE.
TA: ii told you liike a biilliion tiime2 ii cant do that you nub2lurping fuckpod.
CG: WHY ARE YOU TWO UP TO THIS SECRET STUFF.
CG: WHY HAVEN'T YOU TOLD ME ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?
TA: KK iim 2orry but really iit2 kiind of a priivate matter between me and her and iid appreciiate iit iif that wa2 re2pected.
CG: OH GOD.
CG: STOP BEING SO SENSITIVE.
CG: IT'S A REPUGNANT QUALITY.
TA: ok how about you take your own adviice you are 2uch a blubberiing hypocriite.
TA: youre lucky iim 2o fuckiing magnaniimou2 and chariitable cau2e otherwii2e there2 no chance iid wa2te my tiime on you.
CG: WHAT A LOAD OF SHIT, THIS ACT THAT YOU ACTUALLY THINK YOU'RE A HOTSHOT, YOU KNOW YOU HATE YOURSELF.
TA: nobody hate2 hiim2elf more than you iidiiot.
CG: YEAH WELL I HATE YOU WAY MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF, AND THAT'S FUCKING SAYING SOMETHING.
CG: IN FACT I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF AND YOU HATE YOURSELF AND YOU HATE ME COMBINED.
TA: oh fuck that noii2e iin every leakiing oriifiice iit2 got you know ii hate the combiined product of you and my2elf more than you could ever begiin two hate me and my2elf and you and your2elf on your wor2t day 2o FUCKIING DEAL WIITH IIT.
CG: OK, TIME OUT FOR THE IDIOT.
CG: THE IDIOT GETS A TIME OUT AND SHUTS UP FOR A SECOND.
CG: THAT'S YOU.
CG: JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS GAME.
TA: ok well iill 2end you a download 2oon.
TA: iim 2ett1ng up two team2.
TA: liike two 2eparate competiing team2 2o that there2 a better chance of at lea2t one group wiinniing.
TA: and al2o ii gue22 two 2ee which one can wiin fa2ter.
CG: OK LET ME GUESS.
CG: THERE'S A RED TEAM AND BLUE TEAM, RIGHT?
TA: yeah.
TA: youre on the red team.
TA: ii wiill be the leader of the blue.
CG: OK, THEN I GUESS I CAN PICK MY TEAMMATES THEN?
TA: uh...
TA: bro youre not the red team leader.
TA: ii piicked GC for that.
CG: WHAT????????????????????
TA: dude ii diid NOT thiink youd be iintere2ted iin thii2 dont act all offended.
CG: OH WOW NOW I SEE.
CG: REALLY FUCKING CLEVER, PICKING THE BLIND GIRL TO LEAD THE TEAM YOUR COMPETING WITH.
CG: I KNEW YOU WERE CHEATER LOWLIFE FUCKING SCUMBAG WITH NO SCRUPLES OR SELF ESTEEM AND WERE BASICALLY WORTHLESS ON EVERY LEVEL, BUT SOMEHOW I'M STILL DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
TA: yeah ii am 2uch an iidiiot for not rewardiing your bubbly per2onaliity and iimpeccable people 2kiill2 wiith a leader2hiip giig.
TA: what an iincon2iiderate knuckle2ponged a22hole ii have been.
CG: I AM A HATCHED LEADER AND YOU KNOW IT.
TA: ii know your fiilthy 2eedflap ii2 flutteriing iin the profane breeze that2 2hootiing out your 2tiinkiing meal tunnel.
TA: ii do know that much.
CG: HOW DO YOU GET OUT OF YOUR COCOON IN THE MORNING KNOWING YOU'RE THE WORST THING A UNIVERSE WAS EVER RESPONSIBLE FOR?
CG: ALSO IT MUST BE HARD WITH YOUR HANDS TO PERSISTENTLY BOTHERING EVERY MUTATED SET OF GENITALS PEPPERING THAT GHASTLY HUSK YOU PAWN OFF AS A BODY.
CG: HAS A FEMALE EVER LOOKED AT YOU WITHOUT AT ONCE TURNING SKYWARD AND ERUPTING LIKE A VOMIT VOLCANO, ANSWER ME THAT.
TA: thii2 ii2 2o iimmature, iim ba2iically ju2t laughiing here at how iimmature you are.
TA: liike ii really giive a fuck who the red leader ii2.
TA: you want two be the leader fiine talk two GC about iit.
CG: I GUESS THESE CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE DO GET KIND OF EMBARRASSING IN RETROSPECT.
CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID.
TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing.
TA: ii cant even tell anymore.
CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON.
CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.
CG: ACTUALLY WHY DON'T WE MAKE A PACT TO DELETE THIS ONE FROM OUR LOGS, I'M JUST SHUDDERING HERE SCROLLING UP AND READING THIS.
TA: yeah ok.
***
gallowsCalibrator (GC) began trolling arsenicCatnip (AC)
GC: *GC L4NDS ON YOUR WH3LP1NG STOOP 4ND R4PS ON YOUR C4V3 W1TH H3R NOBL3 4ND 3L3G4NT T4LON*
GC: *4ND ONC3 W1TH H3R M1GHTY SNOUT FOR GOOD M34SUR3*
AC: :33 < *ac saunters from her dark cave a little bit sl33py from the recent kill*
AC: :33 < *ac uses one of her mouths to lick the fresh blood off her paws*
AC: :33 < *and the other one to blow you a kiss!*
GC: >8O
GC: *GC W1TH 4 M1GHTY WH1SK OF H3R M1GHTY T41L PLUCKS TH3 K1SS OUT OF TH3 41R M1GHT1LY*
GC: *GC POCK3TS TH3 K1SS 1N H3R 3NCH4NT3D RUCKS4CK FOR L4T3R, TO DO SOM3TH1NG M4G1C4L, L1K3 M4K3 GOBL1N W1SH3S COM3 TRU3*
AC: :33 < *yes! ac finds that to be a most admirable use of a kiss!*
AC: :33 < *she thinks that goblin wishes n33d to come true too just like any other kind of purrsons wishes*
AC: :33 < *ac begs your pardon while she rips apart this tasty beast to prepare a meal for her cubs*
GC: *GC 3Y3S THE B34ST HUNGR1LY 4ND M1GHT1LY*
AC: :33 < uh oh!
GC: *GC 3Y3S THE CUBS HUNGR1LY!*
GC: *4ND M1GHT1LY*
GC: *3SP3C14LLY M1GHT1LY*
AC: :33 < dont you dare!
AC: :33 < i mean
AC: :33 < *ac shouts dont you dare!*
AC: :33 < *indignantly*
GC: *BUT 1T 1S TOO L4T3! GC SCOOPS UP 4 PLUMP CUB W1TH H3R GL1ST3N1NG M4J3ST1C T41L 4ND FL13S OFF M4G1C4LLY*
GC: *TH3 1NNOC3NT CUB 1S CRY1NG 4ND CRY1NG 4ND CRY1NG*
AC: :33 < *ac says noooooooo and looks a bit crestfallen*
AC: :33 < *ac gets a clever idea to slake the majestic dragons mighty hunger*
AC: :33 < *she prepares the lions share of the slain armored cholerbear for gc*
GC: >:? *GCS M4GN1F1C3NT CUR1OS1TY H4S B33N P3RK3D*
GC: 1S 1T 4 BULL CHOL3RB34R??
GC: OOPS *SH3 4SK3D TH4T*
AC: :33 < *ac pawses a moment and nods knowingly with a couple of smug grins on her face*
AC: :33 < *she confirms it is ind33d the bulliest of bears!*
GC: *GC 1NST4NTLY LOS3S 1NT3R3ST 1N TH3 PUNY CUB 4ND DROPS 1T TO TH3 GROUND F4R B3LOW!*
AC: :33 < *but as it happens the really cute cub lands in a bush safe and sound, whew!*
GC: *GC'S 4L4RM1NG 4ND SPL3ND1F3ROUS G1RTH S3TTL3S OV3R THE SUCCUL3NT CHOL3RB34R ST34K*
GC: *WH3N SH3 F1N1SH3S TH3 S4VORY R3D M34T SH3 L1FTS H3R PROUD W1S3 H34D 4ND OP3NS H3R GR34T B1G MOUTH 4ND SP34KS TH3 4NC13NT TONGU3 OF 4 THOUS4ND W1SDOMS*
GC: *SH3 S4YS:*
GC: H3Y DO YOU W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3 W1TH M3?
AC: :33 < *ac crinkles up her nose and prepares for a really unprecedented marathon of baffling feline obstinacy*
AC: :33 < *her dragonyyydy suitor will make neither rhyme nor reason of her purrplexing behavior for even an instant!*
GC: NO NO TH4T W4S 4 R34L QU3ST1ON
GC: W4NT TO PL4Y 4 G4M3??
AC: :33 < oh! h33h33
AC: :33 < ok if you mean a computer game then yes that sounds like fun
GC: OK YOU C4N B3 ON MY T34M
AC: :33 < team?
AC: :33 < who else is playing?
GC: 1 H4V3NT D3C1D3D Y3T
GC: 4 WHOL3 BUNCH OF US 1N TWO T34MS
AC: :33 < oh
AC: :33 < well it does sound like it will be a lot of fun but i think i should get purrmission first
GC: BL4R!!!!!
GC: TH4TS SO STUP1D
GC: H3S NOT TH3 BOSS OF YOU
AC: :33 < i know!
AC: :33 < but still im kind of scared of him and i think purrhaps its best to just run it by him first so there isnt a kerfuffle about it or anything
GC: TH1S 1S STUP1D 1N SUCH 4 T3RR1BL3 MYR14D OF DUMB W4YS
GC: YOU SHOULDNT B3 4FR41D OF 4NYON3
GC: YOU K1LL B1G 4NIM4LS W1TH YOUR B4R3 H4NDS!
GC: 4ND 1N 4NY C4S3 H3 L1V3S NOWH3R3 N34R YOU SO TH3 WHOL3 TH1NG 1S 3XTR4 STUP1D
AC: :33 < i knooow
AC: :33 < but i dont think itll be a big deal
AC: :33 < ill just mention it casually and itll be fine im sure and then we can play in just a little bit!
GC: >XO
GC: F11111N3
GC: 1N TH3 M34NT1M3 1 W1LL GO ROUND UP SOME MOR3 P3OPL3 TO PL4Y
AC: :33 < k!
***
gallowsCalibrator (GC) began trolling terminallyCapricious (TC)
GC: H3Y G4MZ33Z YOU W4NT TO PL4Y G4M3Z3Z W1TH M3??
TC: hEy YeAh ThAt SoUnDs LiKe ThE mOtHeRfUcKiN sHiT's BiTcHtItS!
GC: >8\
GC: 1T SUR3 1S H4RD TO 1GNOR3 TH3 W31RD TH1NGS YOU S4Y SOM3T1M3S!
***
carcinoGeneticist (CG) began trolling gallowsCalibrator (GC)
CG: HEY GUESS WHAT, BIG NEWS.
CG: LIKE HOLY SHIT STOP THE PRESSES THIS IS A HUMONGOUS DEAL SORT OF NEWS.
GC: BL44444RRRRR WH4T 1S 1T
CG: YOU'RE NOT THE RED TEAM LEADER.
CG: THAT'S ME.
CG: I'M THE LEADER.
CG: IT'S BEEN DECIDED.
CG: ON AN OFFICIAL BASIS.
GC: OK SO 1 GU3SS 1M SUPPOS3D TO M4K3 4 B1G ST1NK 4BOUT TH1S 4ND S4Y W4H W4H 1 W4NT TO B3 TH3 L34D3R >:[ >:[ >:[
CG: WHAT, NO.
CG: I MEAN YOU CAN BUT IT WON'T DO ANY GOOD BECAUSE I'M THE LEADER AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO EVACUATE THROUGH YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE ON THE MATTER.
GC: W3LL 1T M4Y SURPR1S3 YOU TO KNOW TH4T 1 DONT G1V3 4 CR4P WHO G3TS TO B3 L34D3R B3C4US3 UNL1K3 YOU 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 4 FUCK1NG SM1DG3N OF M4TUR1TY 4ND S3LF R3SP3CT
CG: THAT'S A LIE, YOU'RE MORE OF A MELODRAMA SPAZ QUEEN THAN ME AND YOU KNOW IT AND THIS STUFF YOUR SAYING IS A PRETEND STUNT.
CG: YOU'RE LIKE A ROCKET PROPELLED SPAZ MAGGOT SPRINGLOADED UP THE ASS OF A PSYCHEDELIC FUCKING FREAKOUT WEASEL ON IDIOT DRUGS SO LETS NOT PLAY MAKEBELIEVE GAMES HERE.
CG: LEADER.
CG: ME.
GC: UUUUUUUUHNG
GC: K4RK4T 1 DONT C444R3
GC: YOU C4N B3 TH3 STUP1D L34D3R 1 JUST W4NT TO PL4Y TH1S G4M3
CG: OK, GREAT.
CG: IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION I HAVE SELECTED YOU TO BE MY SECOND IN COMMAND.
GC: R333334444LLY????
GC: SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON >;] <3 <3 <3
CG: FUCK YOU OFFER RESCINDED.
GC: OK BUT S3R1OUSLY
GC: 1 WOULD H4V3 SUGG3ST3D YOU B3 TH3 L34D3R BUT HON3STLY 1T COM3S W1TH S3R1OUS R3SPONS1B1L1T13S 4ND 1 W4SNT SUR3 1F YOU W3R3 UP TO 1T
CG: HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT.
CG: I'M AN INCREDIBLE LEADER WITH ALL KINDS OF PRIORITIZATION AND COMMAND SKILLS.
CG: I'M GOING TO ROCK THE COCK OFF THIS WEATHERVANE AND THE BLUE TEAM WILL WISH THEY NEVER SLITHERED OUT OF THE MOTHER GRUB'S HEINOUS UNDULATING ASSHOLE.
CG: SO JUST GIVE ME THE FULL BRIEFING, WHAT DO YOU KNOW.
GC: OK TH3 TH1NG YOU N33D TO KNOW 1S TH3 L34D3R ST4RTS OUT BY RUNN1NG THE CL13NT 4PPL1C4T1ON
GC: WH1L3 1 TH3 LOWLY S3COND OFF1C3R CONN3CTS TO YOU W1TH TH3 S3RV3R WH1L3 1 R3M41N G3N3R4LLY 1N 4W3 OF YOUR M4NLY GR4ND3UR
GC: 4ND 1 S1T 4T MY COMPUT3R DO1NG M3N14L CHOR3S 1N SUPPORT OF YOUR H3RO1C 3SC4P4D3S WH1CH HON3STLY 1 DONT TH1NK YOUR3 R34DY FOR BUT WH4T3V3R
CG: SEE THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
CG: THIS IS WHAT I WAS MADE FOR.
CG: BEING IN CHARGE OF ADVENTURE, RUNNING AROUND AND STUFF, AND FUCKING SHIT UP LIKE A GODDAMN HERO WITH A RIPPERWASP IN HIS JOCK.
CG: LET'S GET CRACKING HERE.
CG: LAUNCH YOUR SERVER OR WHATEVER, I'LL INSTALL THE HERO PROGRAM.
GC: TH3 CL13NT
CG: YEAH.
GC: OK 1F YOU 1NS1ST
GC: F4R B3 1T FROM M3 TO STOP YOU FROM B31NG SO D4SH1NG 4ND COUR4G3OUS
GC: 4ND TO B3 P3RF3CTLY HON3ST 4 L1TTL3 B1T H4NDSOM3 >:]
CG: YES, EXACTLY.
CG: NOW YOU ARE MAKING SENSE.
CG: THIS IS THE KIND OF THING THAT SANE PEOPLE SAY.
CG: KEEP AT IT, THERE'S HOPE FOR YOU YET.
GC: OK 1LL TRY
GC: 4NYTH1NG TO G3T YOU TO STOP B31NG SUCH 4 B4BY
CG: WHAT'S A BABY.
GC: OH
GC: 1TS L1K3 4 MYTH1C4L L1TTL3 P1NK MONK3Y
GC: SOM3TH1NG MY LUSUS DR34MS 4BOUT
CG: I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE.
GC: 1 DONT
GC: Y3T
GC: 1M NOT 4LLOW3D TO
CG: WHY NOT?
CG: WHY HAVE YOU NEVER MENTIONED THIS ANYWAY?
CG: HONESTLY TEREZI IT SOUNDS LIKE MORE FROTHING LOONEYBLOCK NONSENSE.
GC: 1F 1 3V3R D1D H4V3 ON3 1T WOULD M34N TH3 WORLD W4S COM1NG TO 4N 3ND
CG: OH THANK GOD YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING NORMAL, I WAS STARTING TO WORRY THERE.
CG: WHEW BACK IN SANE LAND.
GC: 1TS TRU3! >:P
GC: 1 DONT COMPL3T3LY UND3RST4ND 1T BUT TH4TS WH4T 1T TOLD M3
CG: WE NEED TO GET YOU OUT OF THAT FUCKING TREE AND INTO A PROPER GODDAMN LAWNRING.
CG: YOU'VE BEEN STUNTED LIVING UP THERE, BY THE WHISPERS OF FUCKING BARK GNOMES OR SOMETHING.
CG: I THINK ONE OF MY NEIGHBORS WAS JUST CULLED RECENTLY, MAYBE YOU COULD LIVE THERE.
GC: NO W4Y SCR3W L4WNR1NGS!!!
GC: MOR3 L1K3 Y4WNR1NGS
GC: 1 LOV3 MY TR33!
GC: BUT YOUR3 W3LCOM3 TO V1S1T SOM3 T1M3
GC: 1TS 3SP3C14LLY N1C3 1N TH3 TH1RD 4UTUMN
CG: OK WELL
CG: SPEAKING OF THAT
CG: I SHOULD GO DOWNSTAIRS AND DEAL WITH THIS GRUMPY CUSTOMER.
CG: IT'S GOING TO FONDLE MAJOR SEEDFLAP, BUT HOPEFULLY IT'LL BE QUICK.
CG: YOU CAN ESTABLISH YOUR CONNECTION AND DO YOUR TRIVIAL SIDEKICK STUFF I GUESS IN THE MEANTIME.
GC: OK! >:D